#And half of them are ':) peanut'
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on the topic of that time sixteen-year-old jack marston got mauled by a grizzly bear: he definitely retained some scars from that, right? when john finds him, heās covered in a decent amount of blood, and he has visible scratches on his face.
his character model doesnāt reflect that he almost died to a full grown bear after the event. maybe rockstar didnāt know how to do this in 2010, i donāt know, but i always assumed he got some nasty scars from it. because, i reiterate, he was a scrawny sixteen-year-old that almost died to a Massive Grizzly Bear.
plus, with the fact that he almost definitely would have died right there if not for the plot armor of being haunted by the narrative (doomed to become the playable character in the de facto epilogue), i have to imagine thereās no way he walked out of that alive without any very obvious signs of injury.
this would also lend to the fact that he can get very easily mistaken for john multiple times by strangers. thereās this one stranger who tells him āyou look younger,ā as if the only obvious discrepancy here is jack being about twenty years younger than john, not the absence of those vicious scars he got from the wolves.
something something cinematic parallels. i donāt know. this is just something that bugs me a lot in the back of my mind.
#i reiterate: he got MAULED BY A BEAR.#there is no reasonable way the poor kid isnt scarred from that physically and otherwise#marstonsboy musings#jack marston#john ļæ½ļæ½jackā marston jr#rdr jack marston#rdr jack#rdr1 jack#rdr john#rdr john marston#rdr1 john#red dead redemption#rdr#rdr1#red dead redemption community#red dead fandom#red dead spoilers#i guess#something something marstons and their habit of getting mauled half to death by wild animals#somebody needs to like. wrap them in packing peanuts i dont know#this happens too many times to be coincidental#rdr2#red dead redemption two#red dead redemption 2#red dead redemption jack#red dead redemption headcanons#rdr headcanons
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...A thought I have that I can't help but like the shape of is the idea of Wally not even really knowing why he is the way he is himself
He doesn't know why he's alive (should he not be? why are you alive, then?). He doesn't know why he can do the things he can do- that's not to say he's stupid or anything like that, he's a little odd but he acts with intention even if the consequences might not be things he fully expected or truly gets the full scope of- (he never meant to hurt anyone, he really doesn't mean any harm!)
All he knows is that he loves his friends very dearly, that something very, very bad may or may not happen or be happening, and that he needs You to Listen.
#Random thoughts#I have many thoughts about the peanut#And half of them are ':) peanut'#Welcome Home#Welcome Home Puppet Show#Wally Darling#WE LOVE ELDRITCH BUT NON-MALICIOUS WALLY IN THIS HOUSE!!!#(ALSO I ACTUALLY KINDA THINK HOME'S NON-MALICIOUS TOO EVEN IF I GET WHERE PEOPLE ARE COMING FROM-#ADMITTEDLY IT'S KINDA EARLY TO TRULY POINT FINGERS AND WE DON'T HAVE THE FULL PICTURE YET??#STILL DON'T TRUST THE NARRATORS THOUGH BUT THAT AND HOME ARE DIFFERENT TOPICS-)#Welcome home headcanon
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soo hi everyone!! i'm back on my bully essay/meta/something writing!! sort of. i did this.
anyways anyone who's been on this page for some time know how from time to time i have insistently mentioned the parallels between lola and peanut, right?
welp! that was a joke but the time has finally come!! a super-pretentious essay just for the fun of it!! (and also bc i haven't been writing actually argumentative texts in like months perhaps a year, so. yikes, i really need to practice again)
word count: 2.2k WOAH. IM SORRY
i, in my corner, with my monstrous needs. ā susan sontag, as consciousness is harnessed to flesh
take this quote both as a title and an anticipation of what is to come. the essay will be distributed analyzing first the dependence of each of them on johnny, to then draw comparisons. i'll make sure to steer as away from headcanons as possible, sticking closely to the source text. obviously, some things' interpretation might be ambiguous, but, you know. your usual occupation hazard.
also, a disclaimer before we start: while they are psychologically complex and there is always a mimetic intention in developing them, these are fictional characters, and, as such, their primary function is to be vessels for different themes, questions and so forth. therefore, i will prioritize meaning and themes over moral implications and similar elements.
i. peanut
for how much i can adore talking about him, the way peanut depends on johnny is very much on the nose; worn on his sleeve, even. in 11:11 minutes of voice lines, he mentions johnny 30 times.
many interpret this as the caricature of a boy crush, but i have reasons to believe it is much less cute than that.
the problem is that, really, more than trying to identify specific situations... peanut seems to rely on johnny for a significant part of what he does. when he does good at dodgeball:
Look at me, Johnny, look at me!
almost like a child calling for his parent's attention to be praised. he calls johnny's name when he's going through hardships, when he's scared or when he's sad.
more than someone he just loves, johnny is a point of reference. whenever there's something going on, whenever he does or has to do something, his first thought goes to johnny; vice versa, what johnny asks of him is his priority.
I gotta tell Johnny! No time. I gotta see Johnny now. Gotta help Johnny. What can I do next to please Johnny? I mean Lola! I meanā¦
(this also goes in a "negative" direction, envy being the other side of the medal to adoration. especially because, in some way, this reliance on johnny might be felt by him as emasculating, and, being johnny his model of masculinity, adding it to the napoleon complex thing, it's not hard to guess why it can be so unpleasant. we can see this manifest through some of the things he expresses in regards to lola- not as much an interest he has towards her, but the interest he wishes to have from her- which are a bit more different than it might seem at a first glance. but this is a mouseketool we'll need later. still:
Last time I saw her, Lola made eyes at me, not Johnny!
do we really need this part? heh. i'm not sure, but it's always good to point out)
(also, just because, for the purpose of this analysis, it might be useful to specify: while these sentiments are very much implied in peanut's canon quotes, we have no evidence in canon in what measure they are reciprocated by johnny. the fandom has universally agreed that johnny also views peanut as his Best Friend In The World; while in some measure, they must be at least a bit close, i think it is even safe to say, given the caricaturist nature of bully's characterizations, that johnny holds peanut in less consideration that peanut deludes himself into believing. quoting another post of mine, the kids who show some level of obsession towards their leader mention him on average ten or less times (gord mentions derby eight times, parker six times, kirby mentions ted five times). the leaders don't usually make names at all, that much is true; however, peanut mentions johnny 30 times, and, even in front of this proportion, johnny mentions peanut 0 times. just to make that clear)
overall, what undeniably shines through his voice lines is a feeling of general inadequacy, whether about his height, or his strength in front of a bigger adversary. the audios in which he tries to show off range from being disingenuous, to straight up improbable.
crossing what we have until now said, it is not hard to come to the conclusion that he really tries to make up, to fill this empty feeling of inadequacy by taking pride in his role as johnny's second in command.
while i am a big fan of bully's characteristic of having left much content out of the main game, leaving the gamers to dig it up for themselves, i do believe that scrapping some of the stuff that was prepared for peanut is a loss. we have a number of voice lines coming from chapter 3, in which it was heavily implied how important peanut's role as johnny's right hand man was.
for example, much like... all other seconds in command, really, he was to be followed and then fought in the rumble, before you could get to johnny, with the specific duty to cover his back. even his very first scene, the opening cutscene of chapter 3, i believe, is not to be underestimated. most of the other people, as far as i recall, call you when they need it in person; johnny, however, sends peanut. making him, de facto, an extension of himself, almost.
again, you choose the motivation. what is important, from a narrative point of view, is that peanut clings to johnny through these acts of service, almost making it the foundation of his personhood.
basically, he makes it so that, if he can't be of help to johnny, his whole self is fundamentally annihilated, giving himself completely to johnny.
ii. lola
with lola, reading between the lines gets a bit more difficult; first of all, because lola is much less transparent than peanut, her insincerity being a supporting beam of the whole chapter 3. secondly, whether she was done dirty by the creators or not, it is undoubted that being the perspective that of a teenage boy (namely, jimmy, but we certainly, as viewers, are brought to sympathize more with johnny than with lola) with all the prejudices it can bring with itself.
however, it doesn't mean that there isn't anything to work with- quite the contrary, actually. the issue with lola is that there is a certain amount of layers to get through before gaining a satisfying perception of her as a character. still, we're here to try our best, aren't we!
even behind the muddiness of her intentions and the manipulation she shows herself a master at, it is clear from the second we first meet her that what she does is in function of johnny.
to get through this mess with order, we'll start from an easy, measurable numeric information: lola mentions johnny in her audio files 19 times. which, we're assessed, IS a considerable amount.
we have extensively talked about the way her cheating patterns are a strategy not to succumb to the passive role of the girl in the heteronormative, patriarchal prototypical couple (there's a post here breaking down a lot of this stuff, if any of you is interested!!), so, instead of this, i want to focus on what lies beneath that behavior.
ultimately, the whole point is that lola expects and wants johnny to fight for her. whether is it because she feels taken for granted, or just because he can't perceive it if not through grandiose gestures like the rumble- your interpretation will work; she wants to see johnny fighting nail and teeth not to lose her, she wants him to show her that he wants her.
she's all about that attention, and she knows exactly what and how to do to get it. and i think this is especially clear when you compare the moments in which she knows there's no advantage she could go for; when she has understood that jimmy won't fall for her manipulation, when algie and chad leave her unsatisfied, when norton openly accuses her and antagonizes her - she loses her temper, lets go of that sweetened and/or flirtatious voice tone, abandons that specific kind of gesturing. she doesn't care anymore about obtaining something. she was actually angry, and she was actually upset that johnny had disappeared.
in some of her audios, she references johnny with some amount of fondness, as well:
Johnny and I were on the best date ever.
(there is also a voice line in which she says "He told me he likes me because of my personality. Isn't that sweet?"; due to it being a general chatter and not exclusive to one chapter, i assume it is relatively safe to assume she is quoting johnny. however, as i said at the beginning, we're trying to stay as close to canon material as possible, so, do your thing- and i'm open to arguments!!)
a considerable amount of audio files, however (which will lead us to our final point) is about her... calling for help for johnny, or stating, confidently, that he will come save her, or avenge her later.
Someone get Johnny! Johnny's gonna get you for this. Johnny is gonna kill you!
but wait... i have some sense of dĆ©jĆ vu...
You're gonna be sorry when Johnny finds out!
iii. two faces of the same medal
if i had to pick an effective image for a metaphor, i'd say that the thing about lola and peanut is that they are both dogs looking for someone to take their leash; weāre talking here about an exclusive relationship with someone they can rely totally on, someone weāll call the Other (with a capital o, distinguished from just other. yes it is unnecessarily complicated iām sorry).
for what my professor would call accidents of history, it happened that both of them found that Other in johnny.
each of them attempts at creating an exclusive relationship with the Other, one foolproof and fundamentallyā¦ perfect. perfect in the way that everything works like oiled gears, in the way that every next move is predictable, in the way that any accident will not break the created equilibrium. (even if, in the general sense of the term, lola and johnny's relationship is everything but perfect, it is in the connotation that we have established here. lola is aware that, no matter what she does, johnny will come back around. hell, the very thing that she does is aimed at keeping that balance; specifically, keeping him a bit on the edge, pushing him into a corner where he has to actively make an effort to keep her close.)
they both hide something they are ashamed of, regulating not only their actions and reactions but their very way of existing in the world, in order to keep that gear working, in order to remain in johnny's hand. lola hides that craving for a genuine and stable affection, dissimulating it with the cheating and the fatuous physical demonstrations of closeness; peanut hides his sense of inadequacy and complex of inferiority, by being the tough and reliable second in command.
basically, what they mean to achieve is a sense of security, the safety of not really being the one to lead but, at the same time, finding a purpose, other than a shield from the outside world that they are not willing to concede themselves to. like a... symbiotic relationship?? i was going to say parasitic, but, yknow. the Other does get some advantages, which are, respectively, peanut's acts of service and lola's capacity to boost johnny's pride.
now, of course, johnny is not aware of either of their play. which makes it even better, since, as we already said, both of their approach to the relationship needs some degree of insincerity.
like, i don't deny that johnny might be a good friend, or a loyal one. but he is an oblivious, prideful fuck who can't see past his own nose; he's got a tendency to make it all about himself - which of course goes perfectly with what we said about both peanut and lola making the Other their center, taking up, in a certain way, a passive role in the relationship.
this way, both of them aim at creating with johnny a relationship that is, in a way, codependant and conditional, in which the do ut des (their respective "service" ā johnny's guarantee of stability) creates the foundation of the very relationship.
this, of course, brings up the problem of exclusivity; on which, however, i prefer not to delve into too much, as this would bring us to the topic of their antagonism which... isn't really what i wanted to go for, at least not here. (it would risk bringing us a bit too close to my subjective interpretation and too far away from the canon, which i PROMISED i wouldn't do. however, someday i might elaborate on that??? idk , please do lmk if someone's interested around here)
i will, however, show you a diagram (it looks like a triangle- i guess it is, but it is VERY important that it is a pyramid, with a top and a larger foundation) and a quote, to wrap this up bc i think it is already WAY too long and ramble-y lmao. let me know what you think anyway, my ask box is always open <3
it almost feels like a joke to play out a part when you are not the starring role in someone else's heart you know i'd rather walk alone (i'd rather walk alone) than play a supporting role if i can't get the starring role -- starring role, marina and the diamonds
#WHEW. do you know how long this has been sitting in my drafts???? do you???#date: 23 of aprile. yeah. but i only had the premise and the title. whops. the intention was there.#it took me a bit more than half an hour to write the first two paragraphs. then it took me THREE WHOLE DAYS to write the last one#i was RECORDING MYSELF. RAMBLING AND TALKING. THROUGHOUT THE DAY. trying to get some coherent thoughts out of my head#god i love them but theyre SO compclicated to talk about. i guess i just like my characters a little bit fucked up idk#also yeah ask box is always open u know the drill. thank you if you have read all of this and congrats!!#i hope i fried no brains in attempts at reading this bc i certainly fried mine at attempting at writing it#bully#bully cce#bully canis canem edit#bully game#bully scholarship edition#canis canem edit#lola lombardi#peanut romano#greasers#odyposts#odywrites
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lazily colored them real quick,,, most of their story takes place pre rescas!
jefferem goes by he/him and benry goes by he/xe
I've gotta write down their headcanons/story it's all in my head atm...but they're really close. despite giving each other black eyes all the time that is. I'll put some more fun facts in the tags :> I'm so glad there's people enjoying them
#jefferem calls him benny sometimes but benry just calls him things like 'bro' and 'stink'#he also calls him 'jif' or 'jiffy' cause jefferem really likes peanut butter#they get caught wrestling in the locker room all the time#but overall jefferem keeps benry in line. which is why they get stationed together often#and benry is a little embarrassed at this. he says he's the one keeping jefferem in line#which in a way he does. jefferem does have anger issues after all#benrey#benry#hlvrai#benrey hlvrai#hlvrai benrey#half life vr but the ai is self aware#jefferem#jefferem hlvrai#my art#jefferem and benry#<ā thereās the tag Iāll use for them
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Okay Iām about to say something that may be read controversially. I am not trying to start shit.
I feel like when we shit on Trump voters, we should not use ācares more about gas and the price of eggsā as a pejorative.
I voted for Kamala. I stand by voting for Kamala, I think thatās what everyone should have done.
I have also been to the food bank pretty regularly in the past year.
I can tell you that the rising cost of living, being unable to afford food, being unable to afford gas when thatās potentially your way to get to work, daycare, buy groceries, the doctor- the United States as a whole has shit public transport if they have any at all- all of that Is Very Very Real.
Thatās not a reason to vote for Trump, fuck the man, heās a monster in every single respect.
But I donāt think itās a coincidence that a lot of poor people voted for him because he told them heād make it easier for them to feed their families.
He wonāt. Because he sucks.
But I am never, never going to shit on someone for buying what a grifter told them would make it easier for them to eat.
I still think they shouldnāt have voted for him.
But, and Iām being a little unfair here, I think a lot of people would stop saying that people chose the price of eggs over human rights if theyād ever had an empty table.
#this has been bothering me for a long time.#fuck trump voters but fuck em for choosing harm to others rather than fuck them for being poor#Iāve been to food banks#half of what you get in āfresh food#is expired#or unusable#youāll get jelly and peanut butter but no bread#eggs past the date#grocery castoffs that are already starting to smell#and thatās just because itās all they have#blame people for what they did. by all means#do not ever blame them for being hungry.#I spent one winter making soup out of foodbank chicken broth and seaweed I gathered on the beach because I couldnāt afford food#I know what itās like#so when I tell you a dollarās difference in eggs and milk is catastrophic#I want you to understand where Iām coming from#a dollar is everything when youāve only got ten in your wallet
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so fucking upset. i looked up what's considered concerning weight loss and got a statistic. i looked up the same question but specified teens and i got a bunch of articles about how to lose weight. what the fuck
#tw weight loss#? idk if that tags necessary but better safe than sorry#past this point there is discussion of ARFID and stuff#LMFAO also ive had a medium to mild case of ARFID my entire life and no one noticed past concern for my pickiness#i say medium to mild because ive gotten better recently#i even ate half a bowl of the noodles i dont like the other day. AND they had been touched by shrimp & cabbage juice & soft peanuts#i mean i did drown them in soy sauce first and got nauseous thinking about it the rest of the day. but progress#i mean. im the type of person to skip a meal or barely eat because i dont like the food available or its too loud where i am#my adhd impacts it too like sometimes ill forget to eat or wont be able to make anything that day#but like goddamn. a growing child should be gaining weight. 'we should keep an eye on that' every single time and then no action#you know maybe thats part of why my body hurts sometimes and feels weird and shaky other times#its hard to tell based on how bony i am or whatever because i also naturally am a string bean and im not. like. starving myself#i get the same comments about how i should eat more and how im so skinny when im healthy and when im not#or i used to. people are generally less intrusive now that im older#gosh i need to flex my metaphorical brain muscles more i put way too much thought into the wording of this
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I feel like Rody had bought glow in the dark star stickers for Lala and Roro and itās on the ceiling. Along with Rody when he can would get piercings. Also he seems the type to be allergic peanuts ā muddiedredshoes (cause itās a side blog but yeah :D!!)
SCREAMS THERE'S A YAPPER IN MY ASKS /POS
also yeah star and moon and sun ones,,, KLSJREFDKJ i used to have some in my old house with all my cousins and they still have them i think he'd arrange them like they do (circular, moon and sun together at the middle then stars everyhwere)
piercings defo but itd take him a while i think bcs imo he'd like.. he'd still wanna blend into society . even a little for his siblings sakes
peanuts?? sure (i hate peanuts)
#i mean that last one positibely and half-joking btw...#i hate them unless its inside an m&m#AW NO HE CANT EAT PEANUT M&MS :(((#street rat (affectionate)#rody soul#YAY THE SILLIES ARE IN MY ASKBOX
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felt bad made peanut butter cookies feel less bad and now I have peanut butter cookies
hacked the system
#man worst part of not living in the city you go to school in is you've got literally noone to talk to when schools not happening#where r my friendss broš#this is kindof ranty but the library in my towns funding got chopped in half#which means theyre barely open when Im able to go out (Ive got siblings to watch)#and I have to start paying for my library card I think#dnds cancelled this week ā I need somebody to talk to that isnt my family I love them but oh my god#aghhs orry this is a nothing post lmfao Im just bored and felt likr talking#peanut butter cookies turned out great tho we finally bought flour so Ive been baking like crazy
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puppets bunker and ddos attacks have never been so much fun
#me holding my alliance like a squeaky toy and only getting one commend for it#I held you together. I raised u. I saved u and this is the thanks I get#but no I fuck around and find out for funsies and itās like. six commends#anyway I was telling my friend like. I donāt have to thinkā#okay both healers die in alliance C and I rez one#I look back at my own alliance and half of everyone is dead. co-healer included#and then a bunch of them die again on the same mech#we almost die to the flyers not being killed bc the other alliances are dying#we get to the alliance split and our tank has an issue come up so he has to afk#so Iām keeping this ninja alive on a prayer#then half of the alliance dies again bc they went the wrong way w the arrow chaser aoes#that happened twice. there was a 30 percent boss health percentage difference going on#the icing on the cake tho was after the phase change in the final bossāboom ddos attack#so many people disconnecting. so many dying#alliance B lost everyone but the dps#it was carnage and Iām sitting here like. trying to keep everyone alive#tho like. Im not mad or upset about it tbh#itās the sort of healer chaos where youāre sitting there juggling a bunch of stuff#that scratches the peanut of my brain#itās much better chaos compared to CT raid chaos#mostly bc shield healers are the most fun at those levels compared to regen. to me at the very least#I have more resources at 80 w whm compared to 50 when shit hits the fan#but also pressing more than two buttons is more fun#CT just becomes utterly unbearable when you have people causing problems on purpose#when it is not an agreed upon clown time#ppl always talk about how bosses in nier have too much health when im like#im glad for it bc i like seeing mechanics#I love myths of the realm but when the final boss of the first raid can be killed before the most interesting mechanic is kinda#itās kinda dogshit#owen talks
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I FOUND A BUNCH OF CONTENT I'VE NEVER SEEEN BEFORE AND I'M SUCH A MESS RN š§āāļø COULD HE BE ANY CUTER.......... HELLO HI WHY ARE YOUR EYES THAT PRETTY
also um... i will be ur new years date pls... ššš
#THE WAY HE SHAKES A LITTLE LIKE WHAT WAS THAT WHY ARE YOU THAT CUTE!!! STOP!!!!!!!!#ALSO ok this challenges my belief that bob would smell like cigs and beer#......but lbr he definitely would SOME of the time#i'd seen the first half of this interview but not the second and it's so good šš#unrelated to this clip but thanks to my youtube rabbit hole there's officially now only THREE episodes of GWN that i haven't seen!!!!!#in other words today was such a good day LOL. between all this and the large amount of sugar i ate today..... i'm going bananas :)c#the channel that uploaded 4 of the eps i was missing posted them within this year and is still actively posting sctv stuff š#i kinda wanna ask if they have the 3 specific ones i still havent seen sdkjfjskfs maybe i'll overcome shyness and leave a comment#peanut butter and jelly donut#š¹ļødoug#caitiechat
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went months without eating an apple and i just had one with breakfast and i feel soooo good. when an apple is good its great
#i was eating other fruits ok. i got burnt out on apples#pink ladies my best friends.#breakfast: slice half an apple. 2 wasa sourdough rye crispbreads. 1 slice of old cheddar cheese split between them. 2 slices of pancetta.#40 minutes later eat the rest of the apple w peanut butter. incredible#also throw in some pistachiossssss
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#baking#cookies#Iām doing cookies for presents this year for most of my list#cuz money mainly#but ALSO#because my new hyperfixation seems to be baking#and this way Iām not wasting the ingredients or overeating them myself#they came out relatively well#except for when I mixed up molasses for maple syrup on the oatmeal ones#and I overbaked half the peanut Hershey kids ones#but the cherry-almond-white chocolate ones were a stellar success#and the chocolate and sugar cookie ones get an honorable mention#*kiss not kids
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allergies are literally legally classified as a disability under the ADA in the united states.
an allergic reaction is a medical event and can potentially be a medical emergency that requires medication and/or hospitalization. the amount of work that goes into managing a food allergy is unfathomable for those not affected by it. and the lack of education about food allergies is ridiculous.
My hot take is that actually food allergies are a disability and more people need to realize that. The amount of research people with food allergies have to do when they want to go visit places but arent sure if theyāll have access to any food there is insane. Allergy friendly food is almost ALWAYS incredibly expensive in stores bc of all those fucking fad diets that like yoga instructors and middle age soccer moms make popular. And on top of the price, it is so hard to FIND! Almost evrry grocery store ive been to has a tiny ass allergy section that is almost always near empty. Plus what about people who donāt have the money to pay 10$ for a loaf of bread? You go to starbucks and non-dairy milks are like 70 cents extra? People are definitely out there buying and eating stuff that is destroying their digestive systems because they have no other choice. I am begging people to stop pretending that catering to peopleās food allergies is elitist and not worth is. We need to make these options openly available.
#i had an allergic reaction just the other day#i took a drink of my mom's soda and half an hour later my throat was swelling up cuz my mom had had peanuts over 6 hours earlier#i've had an allergic reaction cuz i shook hands with someone who had handled peanut butter#i can't eat at thai or chinese restaurants because of cross contamination#over christmas my family went out to a chinese restaurant and i had a panic attack from my ocd making me worried about cross contamination#i've been to the er multiple times from allergic reactions#i have probably at least 10 each year ranging in severity#when you look up the symptoms of anaphylaxis one thing that's never included is fatigue#it makes you EXHAUSTED#because your body is working overtime to fight the allergen#and benadryl fucks you up man#it makes me so loopy#i makes me act very drunk#and i'm lucky that my allergies are in the top 9 allergens#there are over 200 known food allergens and only NINE OF THEM are legally required to be on food labels in the united states#the allergy friendly food that op mentioned is usually only guaranteed safe from the top 9 allergens#allergy awareness is something that i am very passionate about#if you can't tell
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i think im going to do cookie and candy boxes for xmas again this year! have done them for a few years now but was too uhhhhhhhhhhh bad. to do them. last year. excited but already tired lmao. no fuckin freezer space in this house!! would like to do most of my doughs ahead of time. HOWEVER
#ants.txt#gotta do salted caramels for sure those r my number 1 crowdpleasers#i only make them at christmas cause its such a goddamn pain in the ass to cut salt and wrap a bajillion caramels#i usually set up an assembly line of my loved ones to help#they get paid in caramels#and a few different types of cookies#plus my brother wants macarons for his gift#not sure what flavor/s im gonna doā¦..#last time i made them i did lemon french buttercream with a little dollop of blueberry jam in the center#hmmm#i have so fucking much peach jam still#maybe peaches and cream? cld do vanilla bean buttercream#or maybe. almond. hmmmm#honeycomb w peanuts and dark choc and flaky salt too#and marshmallows!!! ofc!!!! everyone loves homemade marshmallows!!!!#also a pain in the ass to cut#and works my poor stand mixer half to death#it makes an awful sound when it gets thick wnoogh#and gets so hot. poor thing#what else what else#i want to try to make kentucky cream pull candy#ive never had it but it sounds good and when i cant find something thag sounds good i just make it#but ive never made taffy before!!! so im a little nervous#but my dad says he can bring me home a marble slab#but i gotta find somewhere in the FUCKING freezer to put it!!!!!#uuuugggggghhhhhhhh#ooooghh its gonna be so much work (it always is) but im excited$#surely am working full time the week before soooo#idk man im gonna have to make a schedule or smth#ask my dad if we can get a yard freezer until new years
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Guy confusing nicotine withdrawls with a break thru in his art block has shaking hands and is pacing his bedroom saying shit like āno itās like, I see it, I can feel it. Itās in me it needs to get out. I can feel it canāt you see it? Are you seeing it? Canāt you see? Itās beautiful.ā to his pets
#also itās gross wet outside and I donāt have much weed or tobacco and I donāt wanna drive in the weather so Iām like imprisoned a little in#my house just like petting my window imagining being outside while itās finally not hot (bc itās crazy windy and rainy)#anyways i have ants under my skin i need to scream and run and drive and sob maybe even tho i donāt have a feeling causing the sob thereās#just energy deep in my face that needs to come out#I probably do have feelings to cause the sob but Iām ignoring them and pushing ahead which is stupid but if I stop at all I will crumble and#destroy everything I have to keep pushing forward cause if I look backwards I will stay here forever#anyways. eating a half a bowl of cereal a piece of toast w peanut butter an apple and a granola bar for breakfast also three different sodas#living my best life w my ginger ale root beer and Mountain Dew bottles lined up next to my water#we stay winning!!! anyways. want to make art but idk what medium. needs to be messy. want . goop on my hands and wrists maybe up my elbows#want to be covered in paint or paper mache or clay or something idk
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Autism is all fun and games until your brother confuses his salted carmel peanut butter milkshake for your extra dark chocolate one and now you have to try your hardest not to have a meltdown over it
#radiostatic.txt#okay so the people at the store accidentally switched the labels on our milkshakes#so I will allow some leniency there because I was not present when they were purchased and he took the one with the correct label#but if he had taken 2 seconds to look at the milkshake before he drank it it was very obviously not peanut butter#and he fucking drank over half of it before our mom realized he had taken the wrong one#and at that point I am obviously not drinking that so I get stuck with his gross peanut butter one#and like I do like peanut butter. but not when I am essentially just drinking liquid paenut butter#and I ended up just giving it to my sister (who didn't get a milkshake) because I could not get myself to drink the rest of it#fucking sucks because they got them from like the one place that actually has good chocolate milkshakes.#most places do not do chocolate milkshakes correctly. I want chocolate that's so rich I feel sick after I drink it#and that place gives me that and it's amazing but my stupid ass brother drank it all#vent over. if you've read all this then I apologize. if you have a complaint you can take it up with my brother
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