#And expected no consequences. Bitch you fucking insane

[mushroom-for-art]

Lmao here's some more in which @oogaboogaspookyman 's little bastard son briefly experiences consequences for his actions and then is immediately like oh nvm this could be interesting.

Breaking point

Splashing. Struggling. She'd been swimming for who knows how long really, the blue expanse of the ocean seemed never ending and it was cold all around her. Her head slipped under the water and with more and more difficulty she surfaced to gasp and splutter. It wasn't right. She hadn't seen or heard a single Wingull or had a single fish Pokemon brush past or offer help. She slipped under swallowing water, gasping coughing when her head surfaced, her arms weakening heavy like lead and her legs she could barely kick them to keep going, but she had to, there must be an end to all this some buoy or piece of land she could stumble upon and grasp onto. Maybe a Wailord would finally see her and offer her a ride, surely something would save her. The water washed over her face once more as she sank, she weakly kicked, managing to get her snout above the water, snorting an exhale before slipping under once more before she could gather a breath. She sank deeper into the water the coldness numbing her body and holding her like a mock blanket, water pooled into her lungs heavily as she attempted to breathe choking without air trying to gasp but unable the pressure in her chest crushing and uncomfortable as her vision faded into blackness as she drowned in the unfeeling ocean.

Her body dropped heavily onto the gray floor still soaking wet she coughed with difficulty water splattering out her nose and mouth uncomfortably as she desperately tried to breathe. The dark tail of the other Mewtwo swayed in thought as he watched her struggling too weak to move, he put his foot under her shoulder and somewhere between a shove and a kick flipped her onto her side into somewhat of a recovery position before she choked. He heard her coughing, he sneered at the sound as water was forced from her lungs. He floated away casually leaving her to shiver and splutter on the floor placing down a timer next to some others with an amused sound.

"Do you know how long you were swimming for?"

He asked knowing she'd be too busy recovering to answer him really.

"Roughly 45 hours."

He answered himself. Looking over the timers.

"Its fascinating actually, when you believed help would finally find you or you'd find salvation you were able to swim much longer, when you didn't believe help would come and you let that hopelessness devour you well you barely managed to swim 30 hours, just a bit longer than the average human."

He seemed fascinated by the results as he talked about the average, statistics and what it all meant, though she was barely listening. She felt his foot pressing down on her head and skull as his voice came back into focus as he pushed down to the point she was whimpering in discomfort.

"You're a hope driven creature. I can't wait to see what happens when you succumb to despair."

He slowly removed his weight after smirking down at her, he floated away again. He'd been doing that a lot lately, leaving her to recover or leaving her all alone in general in the bleak stretching gray space with only the corpse of her brother as company.

After what felt like hours she pulled herself up enough to drag herself over to where her brother was splayed on the floor, he smelt putrid. His guts were spilled out along the gray floor, they'd darkened to black adding a twisted contrast of color to the place they were in. She moved to pull herself to kneel, her hands shook as she carefully lifted his upper frame, something cracked, ripped and squelched as she carefully put his head on her lap, his eye had fully rotten away now and the other was hanging out only connected by a few nerves, most of the flesh on his face had scarred or been ripped away revealing muscles and bones, a lot of his body was starting to rot to black. Though she suspected it was partly the fault of the demon and his blackened eyes. She held her baby brother one hand delicately resting on his forehead, careful not to rip away more of his fragile damaged skin, the other loosely wrapped around him resting over his chest. She barely recognised him really, the color had faded from him, she couldn't remember what he actually used to look like anymore. The past few cycles had mostly been without him and she feared what that meant. She hung her head as all she could do was hold her brother while she could, her upper body beginning to rock back and forth trying not to let the anguish get to her, she wouldn't let that demon see her cry anymore.

The white two watched them from a distance, she was cradling what was left of her brother again and rocking. Something that had started to annoy him. It was pitiful really and in a way that made him angry. Truthfully he'd been finding it difficult to reanimate the body into decent condition to put it into the loop, while at the beginning of the loop he is always technically alive the damage to his body by the end of each loop had become too vast, while he tormented May he had tried to undo some of the damages. When he'd sent him into the loop previously his wounds would be coated in a black sickly substance that pulled his injuries closed like stitches and engulfed him to undo wounds. Unfortunately now when he attempted to do so his efforts would quickly fall apart reverting the body back to its corpse state and it simply blackened his organs and blood further. It seems he'd broken that toy far too much. He should have considered the consequences of destroying him within each loop every time but well it had been too much fun playing rough with him he hadn't really thought, besides he didn't think they'd have been so entertaining for so long.

He glanced over at May, he hadn't actually killed her in any of the loops and despite the copious injuries and no doubt mental traumas she was fairing well, in that she wasn't rotting on the floor. Some of her wounds had even slowly healed, would they be there in the real world he wondered or only in this other space. He looks at the dead one again, perhaps he should release him back to before this all started and he created the loop and other space, Matt was it? Well whatever he was called he'd be back to a point of no injury and could simply be grabbed again from that point bring a 'new' so to speak unbroken toy into the loop to start again. He did create this whole space as a consequence free experiment after all, he could easily do it again and again.

Perhaps this time he could end May's life and torment the living Matt with his failure to save his sister who has fought for years to save him. Hm. Tempting. Though he got the impression he'd quickly grow bored with Matt, he was young with little to no real world experience, he was a blank canvas and not in a good way. He'd probably break and give up far too easily. He scoffed quietly to himself, well at least one of them remained entertaining. He floated over lazily to the others, he could hear May doing her annoying whimpering and whining, it was a strange throaty sound like trying not to cry. He stood behind her as she rocked either unaware of him or choosing to ignore him, he tsk'd to himself reaching a hand to pull the corpse from her.

"Let me look at it."

He felt the pain shoot up his arm before he even heard the growl, May's teeth were sinking into his flesh as she snarled, her eyes frenzied before she clamped her mouth further around his arm her head thrown upwards before tearing downwards ripping away a decent chunk of his pale flesh as his arm was freed and he flew backwards to examine the damage. The white flesh and slick black fluid of his blood hung from her mouth as she continued to snarl in his direction, he twisted his arm to look it over as his flesh around the area stretched and regrew closing his wound as he coldly glared at her, the most unusual part was her refusal to spit out the mouthful she had which he assumed should have been her first response after lashing out. He sneered at her and growled in return showing his fangs in threat as he watched in some surprise as she swallowed, his blood still dripping down her chin.

"Vile creature. Look at you. What you're becoming."

He mocked coldly, noticing her eyes didn't shift to shame remaining wild and glaring.

"Recollect your senses girl. I wasn't threatening your meal."

He smirked, expecting horror at what he was implying. She looked away from him and he felt victory wash over him turning his back to her to plan what to do in retaliation for her thoughtless actions. He heard her mumbling presumably apologies to her brother, maybe he could torment her with his puppeteered corpse. A snarl. He looked over his shoulder in time to dodge the glowing sharpened claw of her hand that just missed his face.

He flew back, turning to look at her, her form seemed disheveled as she stood hunched over her shoulders tense, head hanging low both her usually blunt feeble weak hands covered in bright sharp aura. Her head lifted slowly to look at him over the rim of her glasses, her pupils were shrunken and almost erratic giving her a manic kind of demeanor before she lunged for him again, surprisingly quick on her feet she swung to slash him with her claws. Normally he would've stood and taken the hit, despite the aura slash was a normal move and his ghost typing and abilities meant normal wouldn't hit him, but he leant away dodging her wild attempts to attack him. She'd lashed out at him during a cycle that's for sure and expected. But never here. It was fascinating to observe really, her expression reminding him of the violence committed by her possessed form. As well, she clearly must have known Slash wouldn't touch him from her past experiences in the cycles gone, she knows she'll receive a major beat down from him and no doubt punishment. So why use it?

He grunted as her forehead rammed forward into his lower chest and it sent him backwards until he could regain composure. That hit him. And it hurt. He could see blackness on her remaining horn, the injured one long since finally broken off. He glanced at himself, she'd managed to cut him with her horn during that attack, either headbutt or takedown. By the way she stood looking feral still and swaying on the spot idly watching him he assumed takedown. There's no way she should've been able to touch him. He observed her, as she watched him, he watched as she moved, pacing still hunched and wild acting more animal like than intelligent. Maybe he'd finally broken her too. He noticed after a few moments she was tricking him into moving, she was now pacing in front of her brother where before she paced in front of the stretching gray. She was guarding him.

He looked past her at the body, he closed a hand behind his back, darkness creeped and wrapped over the body covering him in blackness before dispersing leaving nothing behind. She didn't notice simply going for him again for daring to look at her brother, he sent flows of darkness like lightning to strike her down, it hit her dead on and she slid backwards on her feet across the floor with a scream of pain, her hand touched the floor in regaining balance before bolting for him again with surprising speed. He just missed her fist which slammed into the floor where she had intended to catch his face and slam him into it, before her tail caught his side in a swing. The weight and force of it pushed him backwards as he grabbed hold of her tail and sent another shock of darkness through her body accompanied by purple ghostly clawed hands that ripped scratched into her flesh and burrowed into her wiggling under her skin before burning out as she stumbled in the agony.

He grabbed her second neck as she stumbled, yanking her head backwards painfully as she cried out screaming, her wild demeanor and violence seeming to falter. He grinned, rattling her and shoving her to look at the empty spot on the floor.

"Now, look what you made me do."

He felt her still before she tried to look around frantically and he squeezed forcing her to be still.

"He's gone now. Because you couldn't behave."

He mocked. In reality Matt was simply gone from the other space existing once more before this all began to be grabbed again in better condition. He shoved her forward away from him as she tripped and fell to the floor, he watched her desperately pat around hoping her brother was there just invisible but nothing remained. With nothing to protect he suspected her powers would switch off again leaving her defenseless, and he intended to make her regret what she just did. Even if it had been extremely insightful and entertaining, a real look into the violence she was capable of outside of possession. Did it perhaps mean the behavior of the shadow version was simply using the aggression May suppressed and was an extension and outlet? And now with it gone she had to bear it herself? He'd figure it out eventually and maybe eventually bring her brother back into the loop for good behavior.

He observed her desperation in great joy watching her trembling, shaking, scrambling to find any trace or evidence her brother was secretly fine. She turned and glared at him once more, much to his surprise, it seemed she hadn't learnt her lesson. That's when he noticed sparks and crackling from her chest, as an extended hand shot out to grab him only stopped as darkness wrapped around her body coiling around her throat to choke and restraining her arms, her fingers brushed his snout as she attempted to grab him the darkness pulling her backwards as she pulled forward, her mega form resisting his powers in a tug of war.

"Where is my brother?! If you've killed him! If he's dead!" She struggled her sentences short with both extreme anger and from struggling against the dark tendrils pulling her backwards. He was almost impressed as she managed to pull herself forwards pulling against the overwhelming pulling ropes of darkness. But he knew she couldn't win as more wrapped around her pulling her tail, her chest, her waist tangling her legs and wrapping around her head to pull her backwards painfully so.

"You'll what?"

He mocked simply watching her slowly but surely be pulled backwards and downwards through the gray floor into a new cycle. But she met his gaze as she still fought.

"If he's gone." Her expression fell unusually dark. "Then you have nothing to stop me anymore." She looked directly at him as her body was pulled down, only her shoulder and head visible. "Do you." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. She met his eye even as he stepped on her and shoved her through the gray flooring into a new cycle of torment. Something in her eyes telling him that things had indeed changed, the mania and threat of violence he was met with as if she was challenging him, becoming worse than him. He simply grinned.

This could be very, very, interesting

[calliesmemes]

YET ANOTHER ROUNDUP OF ASOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF

ASSORTED SENTENCE STARTERS FROM AROUND THE INTERNET, including quotes from Tumblr, Pinterest, TikTok, and X (formerly known as Twitter), for when a muse wants to be a bit silly <333

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

❛ I am not merely a clown; I’m the entire damn circus! ❜

❛ I will bite you if you continue this behavior. ❜

❛ Being a dramatic ass bitch isn’t a personality trait; it’s a lifestyle! ❜

❛ Trauma? Oh … you mean, my lore? ❜

❛ why must I cite sources? is it not enough to just say ‘trust me, bro’? ❜

❛ sorry for being a perfect sweetie and a genius it will likely happen again. ❜

❛ forget about touching grass; I need to touch WATER I NEED TO GO INTO THE OCEAN I NEED TO DIVE INTO THE SEA!!! ❜

❛ I’m attracted to men with muppet energy and no i will not be explaining. ❜

❛ you want me to make friends with people? the thing that killed julius caesar? ❜

❛ what’s your birthstone? mine is rock bottom. ❜

❛ I absolutely hate that I’m not bioluminescent. Pathetic. ❜

❛ ohhhhh my god i have got to stop mourning the past or whatever. ❜

❛ you expect me to act like a normal human being? I’m wearing a turtleneck! ❜

❛ i don’t struggle with same sex attraction I’m actually very good at it. ❜

❛ unfortunately i often find out without even getting the chance to fuck around. ❜

❛ I’m bisexual which means that I’m attracted to anybody who can defeat me in physical combat. ❜

❛ all anyone needs to know about me is that i’m a dumbass and i love women. ❜

❛ sorry but philosophers aren’t impressive i came up with stuff like that when i was 12. ❜

❛ I pay my own bills; I can cuss all I want! ❜

❛ I don’t have rizz; I have sad eyes and a weird presence. ❜

❛ my demons are chasing me and they’re doing the Naruto run. ❜

❛ honey we are ALL doomed by the narrative. it's not that serious. have some fun with it. ❜

❛ dating me is like interviewing a psych ward patient. ❜

❛ being a girl with very large brown eyes comes with great responsibility. ❜

❛ i’m autistic in ways that you can’t even begin to imagine. ❜

❛ being a loser may be a phase to you but its a lifestyle for me. ❜

❛ entering a magical portal in the woods would fix me. ❜

❛ I’m lonely but not in a hot mysterious way; more like in a pathetic way. ❜

❛ life is so unserious just say womp womp and move on! ❜

❛ you’re vibing? In this economy? ❜

❛ just because I’m small doesn’t mean I can’t kick your ass. ❜

❛ my primary motivators are fear, spite, and aesthetic longing. ❜

❛ sorry about the chaos; I needed attention. ❜

❛ WHAT IS UP GIRL you look foreboding and malicious! ❜

❛ baby i can be your problematic bi wife. ❜

❛ i don’t think any of you understand how important i am to the plot. ❜

❛ what if we are both red flags? what then? ❜

❛ any dream can be a prophetic dream if you’re willing to do some really weird shit. ❜

❛ my hobbies include being right, being gay, and being a hater. ❜

❛ i have a phd in Loving The Color Pink And Also Glitter. ❜

❛ being a menace to society is a full time job and I am dedicated. ❜

❛ my life has been a bouquet of oopsie daisies. ❜

❛ i survive on spite, anxiety, and blasphemy. ❜

❛ if you’re not obsessed with me, why would I wanna be with you? ❜

❛ the hottest thing a man can be is a little afraid of me. ❜

❛ my love language is being a hater. ❜

❛ i don’t get enough credit for acting far less insane than i actually am. ❜

❛ the A in my name stands for always right. ❜

❛ Jesus is my homeboy but God has a lot to answer for and I will continue to be rebellious until he does so. ❜

❛ I’ll see a man with long hair and then remember that I’m not above temptations of the flesh. ❜

❛ i’m going to be honest with you I’m not going to be honest with you. ❜

❛ stop asking me if I’m ok I’ll literally make out with you. ❜

❛ part of my masculine charm is that I’m literally insane. ❜

❛ are you sure those are demons bro? or are they consequences from the choices you made? ❜

❛ i do not identify as a boy or a girl. i identify as a nuisance, an irritant, a fool, and a problem. ❜

❛ praying on someone’s downfall isn’t enough i need to participate in it. ❜

❛ we all need to chill. i won’t do it first but it’s something i noticed. ❜

❛ not to sound like a Victorian woman suffering from hysteria but going to the sea would fix me. ❜

❛ the silly goose convention called; they asked if you could be their keynote speaker. ❜

❛ i deserve unrestricted access to old castles and old churches i want to know all the secrets. ❜

❛ doesn’t matter if you’re cringe or based we’re all just here to suffer. ❜

❛ I’m no longer comedic relief I’m now serious panic. ❜

❛ this is getting difficult to romanticize. ❜

❛ done healing my inner child. next up is my inner teen. her highness needs a sword. ❜

❛ i am God’s silliest experiment. ❜

❛ i’m very vulnerable right now if anyone wants to take advantage of me. ❜

❛ sorry i overshared do you still think im hot? ❜

❛ I can yap for days and still maintain my air of mystery. ❜

❛ good luck sending me mixed signals; I don’t even understand normal ones. ❜

❛ not all of your life decisions have to be smart. some can be purely for cinematic value. ❜

[fourteentrout]

Oklahoma! is genuinely such an insane musical I can't get over it. It takes place in like a day until basically the last number. It's got a main love triangle and then like a B plot love triangle and the two girls in both love triangles have drastically different views on love and men that affect their decisions and how they view each other and themselves. The antagonist is part of the main love triangle and his biggest issue with life is that he gets no bitches and also is possibly a murderer. He's the loneliest man you've ever met. The main love interest tries to convince the antagonist to kill himself because they're going after the same girl, and he actually considers it for a second. There are insanely obvious opportunities for gay tension. It's about cowboys and farmers. The first act ends with an instrumental ballet dream sequence that the main character has during a literal drug trip. It's almost a romance comedy. There is at least one murder attempt and at least one character death that can either be murder or manslaughter depending on the production. It's a musical based on a play based on a book and it was adapted into a play to cheer up Americans during the Great Depression and it was adapted into a musical to cheer up Americans during World War Two. It's about everything and nothing at all. It's about love and choice and desire and consequences. It's kind of racist if you're not very careful about casting and character choices. Every song fucks severely but also kind of lasts longer than you expect it to. It's bizarre. There's nothing really quite like it. It's The Cowboy Musical of all time. I can't stop thinking about it.

[jamietwat]

Time loop fic set during season 2 when Jamie’s back around but Roy isn’t coaching yet where it takes Jamie and Roy an embarrassing amount of do-overs before they finally realize they’re both caught in it because for days Jamie goes over to Keeley’s place and antagonizes Roy in basically the exact same way because he thinks making the same stupid old man jokes all the time is funny anyway and any slight changes in conversation he just assumes is because he showed up at a different time or worded his own end of the conversation a little differently but Roy’s still basically saying the same grumpy old man shit anyway

And Roy makes basically the same retorts every time because he stands by it and he assumes Jamie shows up at slightly different times looking for Keeley as a butterfly effect of his morning with Keeley being different but that there’s no escaping him showing up to be a little bitch at some point

And like they both sometimes tell people but not the same people on the same version of the day so Keeley individually thinks that both of them are losing it on different versions of the day before eventually they both mention it

And then on like day 5 of the same day over and over Jamie doesn’t show up and Roy is irrationally angry about it but thinks it must be somehow connected to the fact that he was acting absolutely insane with Keeley trying to explain what’s happening while she thought he was fucking with her and somehow that made her brush off Jamie and him not show up or something?

And it takes Jamie showing up at 100 and just tearing Roy apart and going on about what a dick he is (which isn’t unusual but isn’t how this routine goes) and weirdly fixating on how he was excited to meet Roy but then he ended up just being an old washed up prick that never even gave him a chance because Jamie figures he can just show up, yell at Roy for all the reasons he’s so fixated on being a little asshole with a grudge against Roy in particular to get it out of his system, and then never have to deal with any consequences of Roy finding out about the whole embarrassing having been a big fan and expecting it to be so cool to play on a team with him just to immediately get offended that Roy didn’t give a shit about him and his bullshit and so Jamie ended up hating him thing

But instead Roy just scowls at him and is like “that’s not what you’re supposed to say” and Jamie’s like “…what.” And Roy’s like I’ve done this day like ten times already and either I make Keeley think I’m certifiable first thing in the morning and you don’t show up or else you show up looking for her and then make the same completely uncreative old man jokes at me and Jamie’s like what the fuck I’ve been doing this same day over and over and you’ve been making the same shitty jokes that weren’t funny the first time over and over again

And Keeley’s just sitting there watching this like “Are you two fucking with me? I can’t believe you two got along long enough to plan whatever the fuck this is.” And honestly, the fact that she couldn’t imagine them ever getting along to plan this stupid joke and agree on it is the main reason she actually starts to believe them that time in an okay either I’ve completely lost it or you two are stuck in a time loop kind of way and when she starts going on about how every time loop movie there’s like a moral the person has to learn and maybe they’re both caught in it because they’re supposed to learn how to get along and be friends and Roy’s supposed to take Ted’s offer and that’s how Jamie finds out about the Ted trying to convince Roy to coach thing

But they’re both like fuck no absolutely not, that’s not it and I’d rather be stuck in this stupid fucking loop forever than voluntarily spend time with him let alone get along (as if Jamie hasn’t shown up to annoy him practically every version of the day and Roy hasn’t just been sitting there waiting for him every time) and then they actively avoid each other for like a week’s worth of versions of the same day before they start considering that Keeley might have been on to something but it still takes three more days of pointedly not seeking the other out and waiting for the other to give in first before they run into each other at Ted’s place anyway and finally start actually swapping information they’ve picked up from their loops and what they’ve tried changing to try to get out and discussing ways to try to get out of it while Ted’s just sitting there cracking jokes and making annoyingly similar to what Keeley said comments about how in time loop and body switch things it’s always that you have to learn to see things from another perspective and be nicer to someone you don’t usually see eye to eye with before you can get out (Ted doesn’t actually believe they’re stuck in a time loop though, he’s just going well weird hypothetical but I’ll play along if this almost certainly made up scenario is what it takes for them to have an actual conversation with each other)

[cringefaecompilation]

okay actual serious ep80 thoughts now

first things first: "tHeY didn’t LeArN aNyThInG" feels like it’s really reductive. i think people came into this expecting all of their communication problems to be insta-fixed so that they can be a perfect cute little found family and that's just not how bh rolls. i do think that it was a much needed diversion from them constantly forcing themselves into third gear (along with the wok sledding, everyone forgets the wok sledding) to stop the bad guys. other people have pointed out that if not given any instructions they’ll be fine with opening up to each other and being genuine, but they froze and immediately started getting antsy the moment they were told to. i just think that’s funny.

i don’t think imogen and laudna are hypocrites. rather they’re very much stuck with their own traumas and assume that their experiences are universal. imogen thinks she was born cursed and that everything in her life has just been set up to punish her for something she inherently deserves. there’s an abusive cunt off the port bow trapped in laudna’s head that she literally had to force herself to walk away from (and make saving throws to stop) to not be forced into hoovering up that shard without her consent.

they both saw fearne shrug off dozens of times she could have died horribly or faced terrible consequences and get off scott-free and missed the forest for the trees. they want her to take power because she can actively consent to it rather than be slapped with insane power at a young age and then forced to course-correct, which probably explains why they got so angry at ashton for "tricking" her: they saw it as them taking something she could use to better herself.

and on that note, laudna telling fearne she’s glad she could make her choice didn’t feel like it was backhanded, envious, bitter, none of that. i think she genuinely does see this as fearne making a choice on her own behalf in a way that she is incapable of.

the whole kerfuffle with callowmoore didn’t make me hate the ship, but it did make me even less fond of the fans of it given the shippers who turned on ashton saying all kindsa nasty shit that got disproved in the 4sd. i’ve always preferred the idea of a slowburn with these two because ashley has said fearne is unsure of how she would handle love or a relationship herself and now taliesin has said that ashton finds themselves unlovable.

as much as i joke and bitch, i don’t think that everyone’s been "forcing the ship" so much as they’ve been assuming that the constant flirtations between the two of them will make them more comfortable with taking the shard and meeting in the middle. the two of them deciding to be friends for the moment is far superior and makes the slow burn way more likable because now it’s something on their own terms rather than them getting together because they were told to.

irregardless of it stays platonic or develops into romance "callowmoore is abusive" is a terrible take no matter if you like the ship or hate it and i hate that it got blown so far out of proportion anditmademelegithateanothershipbutlikethatsnotimportantrightnowandidontwantpeopletogetmadatmeokay.

and yet! there’s always going to be this huge discomfort of the fact that fearne was always unsure about taking it, didn’t explain why she was unsure to anybody expect for chetney (and orym should have fucking said something), and then just decided to take it just so people would stop hassling her about it. she wasn’t forced into taking it but she certainly was backed into a corner about it. she did not ever want it but she saw that it was making everyone really upset and took it because hey, might as well.

"we all might as well" is something everyone’s been saying and while everyone else has their reasons for making the best out of a terrible situation, fearne notably did not have the exact same problem that most of them shared (i have this insane power inside me threatening to blow at any given second that i just have to live with on a daily basis). she wasn’t even aware of the raw deal she had been saddled in her existence with until it was pointed out to her!

long story short the main problem it seems that bh has to get over is just assuming they know what's best for each other. it should’ve been fcg and i will die on that hill. let ashton have a robot sister.

[at1nys-blog]

Next Door

When you try to save your friends from bad press (your father's opinion on them) ending up having to find a way to survive it turns different than what you expected, but along the way there are your best friends, new friends and a very annoying gym bro that lives just Next Door

Previously on... Next Door//More about... Next Door//Next on... Next Door

Vol.7 Ch.30-little kids

She regretted everything: having had too many drinks; focused on the wrong guy; getting drunk to not think about what was happening, but mostly important she regretted how her main focus was Zoro interacting with kids.

She had never saw him like that, and it was not even because he didn’t notice her, he did, and she knew he saw her at her table downing drinks after drinks like no tomorrow.

Her head was throbbing so much Y/N thought her brain was about to get thrown out of her skull.

Taking her phone she checked the time: 8:33 am, then a text message got her attention. It was from Kidd, she unlocked the phone and opened the message app. A simple ‘we need to talk.’

The second she answered, he called. Y/N imagined Kidd eyeing his phone like a hawk. She laughed at that.

“Do you like him?” He started.

“Good morning to you too, I’m great just an headache. What about you? Have you slept good?” She mocked. It was insane, she thought it was just insane to start a conversation like that.

“I don’t… just answer my question. Do you like him? Yes or not?”

“First of all, who do you think I like? And second, why don’t you answer my question?” Leaving her bed she walked to the kitchen, maybe she could try and eat something.

“Because I am waiting for my answer. So? Do you like him?” Y/N had to remind him to be more specific, she had a couple of guys that she liked, not in a romantic way that’s it, but still. “Roronoa Zoro. Do you like Roronoa Zoro?” She laughed. “I’m serious don’t laugh.”

“Are you for real? Roronoa Zoro? The Roronoa Zoro that is always annoyed if I just even breath his way? Man please don’t make me laugh.”

“I’m not, I am dead serious. I didn’t say anything yesterday because it was your cousin’s wedding and I didn’t want to cause a scene but I swear…”

“You swear what? What were you going to do if we weren’t at the wedding?”

“Never mind.” The conversation was going nowhere, Kidd just started yelling and as a consequence Y/N kept raising her voice, which got Eustass Kidd angrier the more they talked.

Y/N was getting impatient, she just wanted to end the conversation here and there but whenever she tried to put an end, he started once again with his stupid ideas that she was just using him to get back at Zoro.

“You are just stupid at this point. I’m not that desperate to get a man attention like that.”

“Oh you forgot how we started talking?” She scoffed, what had that anything to do with their conversation? “I overheard you talking about Law and the second Chopper told you he is not interested in a relationship or whatever you wanted, oh look at her going into her next victim, aka me. I should have known better.”

“Hold on. Is not my fault I like it when a guy looks good. And before you could say…” he cut her off, Kidd didn’t want to know more, he made a mistake and he was paying the price of his decisions. He hung up the phone. “I can’t believe this.” She said and in the heat of the situation she smashed the plate on the ground. She had to cool off before doing anything, before having breakfast, before going out. She has to let it slide and move on with her day.

“Mutherfucker blaming me for his insecurities. Fucking bitch, how dare he yelling at me like… ugghhhh” she walked to her balcony, thinking that maybe some fresh air could have helped her. It did. A bit. Because the memories of last night came back but honestly, she was glad they did. Seeing Zoro making a child smile with just his presence was helping calming her nerves.

The phone in her pocket kept on buzzing, it was getting annoying so she decided to check what was so important to make her phone go off like that.

Zoro was pacing, back and forth in front of the door, he didn’t know what to do, nor what to think. Was the sound he heard a good or bad sign? Was she okay? Was he supposed to call an ambulance? The police? Both?

His phone dinged, taking him away from a spiral of stupid questions, to be honest, and took a deep breath when he saw it was Y/N. She had screenshoted his tweet, he didn’t care much, sent it to him and told him to get inside, the door was unlocked and that she was on the balcony.

He walked inside, the main space was clean, cleaner than what he assumed it was. Zoro had a picture of what Y/N was like and the fact that she always proved him wrong made him upset, he was always right.

Moving his focus to the kitchen, there he saw it: a plate smashed on the ground. Looking more carefully he was happy to not see a single drop of blood, thanking whoever was above him that she wasn’t hurt. Walking to the terrace he started thinking how to approach the topic, how to ask her without being too noisy and without making her mad once again. After hearing her scream he didn’t want any repeat of that.

“So, I heard you screaming and smashing things. Is everything okay?”

“Nothing is okay.” She didn’t move from her position, not a glance his way, nothing. He had to not think much about it, the two of them hated each other. “I woke up with an headache because I got drunk yesterday and I got drunk because…” a pause. “I wanted to” Zoro knew it was a lie but he didn’t care, she was talking to him without a hint of teasing in her voice and for him was good enough.

He spaced out in the middle of her talking, Zoro heard nothing of what she said after, the man was so into his own thought he forgot he was with someone else. Just when Y/N called his name he was back on planet Earth.

“Sorry, you were saying?” She rolled her eyes and walked inside. “If you don’t care, why bother asking.” It wan’t a question and he wasn’t asked to explain himself but he did it regardless. He apologized, explaining that when she talked about the wedding his mind, on its own, started to remember bits of the night before.

“Really, it wasn’t planned. I wanted to know if you were doing fine, genuinely curious.” She sat on her couch and he followed, cautions in case she didn’t want him there. Y/N didn’t say a word, he took it as a good sign, it was fine for him to take a seat next to her. “So, if is not too much to ask, why were you screaming.”

“Eustass fucking Kidd.” Zoro noticed how she called him by his name and not referred to him as ‘punk boy’. He had to bit the inside of his cheeks to not smile at that. “Man is so insecure he thinks I was using him. He implied am I an attention seeker. Do you think I seek for attention?” She was now looking at him, deep into his eyes, his soul. He felt weird.

“No, I don’t think so. Also, Eustass is stupid so don’t listen to him. He is always wrong.” He said. He knew she was going to say something stupid so he managed to play his cards right by anticipating her next question by shutting it down before she could even ask.

“Thanks.” Never in his life he ever thought to heard that word from her, not if it was meant for him, no sir. He didn’t say anything, until he had an idea.

“Are you free today?” Y/N looked at him confused, Zoro could guess what she was thinking right now, but just waited for an answer. She told him Franky was nice enough to give her a day off. “Great. So go change, I have something in mind that might take your mind off of things.” She pondered what to do, he saw it but then agreed.

“I’ll be right back.” She said heading to her room.

Y/N was dying inside. She wanted to know where were they going, what were they going to do, but she didn’t dare to ask. Zoro had told her it was going to be a surprise, so even if she asked he wasn’t going to talk.

“Please tell me.” She gave in. She couldn’t stay any longer without knowing.

“I told you it is a surprise, and besides we are almost there.” He answered.

It was true, not even five minutes later Zoro parked his car and invited her to get out the car, to which she didn’t have to be told twice.

“A…dojo?” Seeing the building she was in a loss for words. Why did he took her there? Was she going to take part of the class? Was he going to give her a private lesson? What was happening?

“Yeah, I have a lesson and a meeting with a special guest. I thought it was going to be of help. I can drive you back home if you want.” Y/N looked at him, then she looked back at the dojo. Her eyes shifted between the man and the building a couple of times, she couldn’t believe what was happening. “So?”

She agreed. It could go any worst than this morning right?

She regretted accepting the idea. She was surrounded by kids, not older than 10 years old, asking questions and question and more questions all together. Some of them complimented her beauty, one of the kids joked about being the happiest guy if she was to go out with him.

“Do you like master Roronoa?” She didn’t know if she was supposed to laugh or yell at the kid for the question. It took her sometimes to come up with an answer good enough to shut him up but before she could mutter a single word, Zoro walked in.

Y/N had a thought, for a second she had an unholy thought about Zoro dressed in that samurai edoten. The color wasn’t that flattering but she knew that if it was anyone else they couldn’t pull it off as much as Zoro was.

He smiled at her, the kids too immersed in the stretching session to notice the exchange of looks the two adults were having. Y/N scoffed and went back to the exercises.

After the stretching was over, Zoro personally handed the students a wooden sword.

“Do as much as you can. This time I won’t push you too much.” He said, winking at her.

“No, I don’t…”

“Okay now, before the beautiful lady that joined us can waste our time take your position and let’s start.” Y/N’s mind was racing, she couldn’t believe he thought she was coming back at the dojo; she couldn’t believe he winked at her while saying that; she couldn’t believe he called her beautiful. He just called her beautiful and she didn’t know what that meant.

She couldn’t ask for explanations, she couldn’t take Zoro outside and ask him to explain himself so she just kept on doing what she was told to do.

Zoro was happy, happier than usual. He loved training his little samurai in the art. He grew up in the dojo, he was immersed in such a beautiful tradition he took proud in teaching the new generations about it, in hope they would take it to heart and teach it to the future generations.

His happiness was because she was laughing. It was the first time since the wedding he saw her laughing to her heart content and now, watching his students show off in front of her, Y/N was having the time of her life.

“Okay okay, enough now. Give me back the swords and go change. I have a little surprise so don’t be late.” As on cue the kids rushed to Zoro heading their weapon, Y/N followed in tow. “You can go home if you want, I need to stay and check the kids for another hour and a half.” He said once she was close enough to hear him. Unbeknownst to the both of them the kids were looking at them, laughing and giggling at the interaction.

“I think I’m going to stay. I don’t want to go home yet. If that’s okay, of course.” He waited before answering.

“Go change then. I’ll see you at the front desk later.” Zoro watched her leave the room and when he was sure she couldn’t him he called his little students. “Okay, listen to me. The lady that joined us today had a pretty bad morning so now do me a favor. Either in groups or one by one, I really don’t care, go to the garden by the main entrance and give her a compliment. Anything to make her smile okay?” They all nodded “great, now go change first.”

It didn’t took Zoro long to change so he was able to see, from afar that’s it, the kids doing as they were told, watching carefully how Y/N reacted at the compliments she was receiving.

“I thought you hated her?” Kuina asked, stopping next to her cousin.

“I thought that too.” He said. “Now let’s get this room ready for our guests.”

[lizard-shifter-noms]

Still Subject to Change Chapter 8(NEW)

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Hello everyone! i decided to repost arc 1 of SSTC

(the chapters were way too long and had a bunch of typos but hopefully this will make reading easier)

this Story contains Vore, Dont like dont read.

if there are still any grammatical errors i’m sorry.

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A loud voice called out, one I recognized it as the guy with the bushy eyebrows.

“BEAST! STAY WHERE YOU ARE OR YOU WILL BE SHOT! WITH POISON!

AND YOU! ARTHUR SELWYN! CLIMB ONTO THE PLATFORM OR YOU WILL BE SHOT!

Oh I did NOT like this guy! If I had anything to throw at him I would! But I wasn't sure if the consequences would be worth it.

Also the only thing i could throw were my shoes as everything else had been stripped away from me and i did not want to lose my only pair of shoes, finding new ones would be impossible at my new size.

As for Arthur, he waited till the wooden platform was lowered to the ground completely before climbing on and looking back at me one last time, his eyes glazed over with such an intense fear like I had never seen before as he was lifted up again.

As soon as he got up to the level of the balcony at least six guards apprehended him once again and dragged him out of sight.

I heard a door slam shut and assumed that I was alone again, until I heard that awful nasally voice again.

“BEAST! WHY HAVE YOU NOT KILLED THE SON OF THE TRAITOR? I SPECIFICALLY ORDERED IT! I EXPECT THAT THE NEXT TIME HE IS THROWN IN YOU KILL HIM!”

Despite having only had a few interactions with this guy i absolutely Loathed him with all my being and hoped plague would fall upon him.

And why did he think I would do what he said? Just because he had trapped me in this ugly pit didn't mean I would suddenly heed his words.

“Why would I do that? He hasn't done anything to me personally, and besides you're the one keeping my friends captive! How do I know you won't just kill all of us as soon as Arthur is dead?”

The face of the man turned a bit redder in indignancy, but otherwise he didn't dare come closer.

Coward.

“BEAST! HOW ABOUT A DEAL? I WILL LET YOU AND THE OTHER TWO CAPTIVES LEAVE THE KINGDOM AS LONG AS YOU KILL ARTHUR! THAT IS A GOOD DEAL TRUST ME”

I did anything but trust this loud bitch, but maybe i could find a way to get all of us out? This guy expected me to kill Arthur, even threatened me with starvation.

But bushy brows over there didn't know about my strange anatomy, no one aside from Robin did, so maybe I could put Arthur inside and let them think I actually ate him.

This plan was so batshit insane that it might just work! The only problem was that Arthur didn't know either and would think I was going to kill him for real.

I wouldn't even be able to tell him in case someone listened in, Besides he himself had said that he was a terrible actor so i made up my mind, as much as i hated it.

Now I only had to get Bushy brows to actually keep his word.

He didn't seem like the sharpest tool in the shed so I hoped it would be easy.

“Alright, fine! But you have to swear on every river of hell AND the God Amesimos that you will let us go! Or that a hundred years of plague shall fall upon yourself! Also you will not tell the others about it EVER!”

I slowly stood up while speaking and watched with glee as his face went pale, probably seeing for the first time how big I actually was.

“BEAST! YOUR DEMANDS WILL BE MET AS LONG AS YOU KILL ARTHUR, THAT I SWEAR BY EVERY RIVER FLOWING THROUGH HELL AND BY THE GLORIOUS GOD AMESIMOS ITSELF! AS LONG AS YOU NEVER RETURN AFTER YOU HAVE BEEN ESCORTED OUT OF COURSE!”

He probably thought he had a gotcha moment with his last addon, but why the fuck would i ever come back here? I knew I would be killed on sight then.

“So we have a deal then? Good you can send Arthur back i guess”

I felt absolutely sick at how his face lit up with a sick sort of glee as I had agreed, and I kind of hoped he would fall over the railing and break his neck.

I was almost relieved when his ugly mug vanished from my sight, but he returned a bit later with about twenty guards and a beaten up Arthur.

It seemed that during the short conversation I had with bushy brows they had had their ‘fun’ with him as I could make out a black eye and a split eyebrow.

At least it didn't seem like they had struck the wound in his side again, rather that they had concentrated on his face as was evident by his broken nose that bled a little onto his shirt staining it even more red.

I winced in sympathy and realized if I had not agreed to this insane plan they would just have beaten him to death.

They threw him roughly onto the platform that they had used to get him up and started to let him down again, at the last fourth however someone cut the rope and made him plummet the last of the way down with a yelp.

He didn't seem to have been further injured as far as i could tell but i still went over to check.

“I'm okay… i think, everything hurts anyway so no difference really”

He got slowly up to face me and in an attempt to seem less intimidating I sat on the ground with my legs crossed as he slowly got up.

“How's your nose? Doesn't look pleasant to be honest”

I tried to stall for some time as I didn't know if I should tell him I was going to ‘eat’ him or not, but the disgusting gaze of the man with the monobrow was still burning into my back.

“It's fine, just a bit of pain, did they want anything from you?”

He wiped the blood off as best as he could and I noticed that he was swaying a bit while standing, did they give him a concussion? I hoped not.

But at least he seemed to have enough brains to ask questions, and I decided to answer as honestly as I could.

“Well obviously they wanted me to kill you, they even offered me a deal”

At my words he went still and looked up at me with a pale face.

“What kind of deal?...”

Oh i was going to hate the next hour i was sure of it, but i would do my best to explain without giving away to the sick fuck on the balcony what was actually going on.

Sadly this meant I couldn't tell Arthur that he would be fine.

“They said that if i killed you they would let me AND the other two go, as long as we don't come back to Maringand”

It was as if someone had tugged a rug from underneath him as he sort of fell down to his knees in slow motion.

“Are you?- I mean, are you going to Take the deal? Because if so i won't fight you”

Of all the things I had thought would be the outcome for this situation it certainly wasn't that he'd just let it happen.

“I mean maybe? Why are you even okay with this? Why would you just let me do that?”

He looked dejectedly to the ground, seemingly trying to put it into words.

“Can you promise me to keep the other two safe? I always knew that one day they would get me, but the others don't deserve to suffer, can you get them back to Kamerasca for me?”

Wait, he'd just let me? As long as I promised to bring the other two back home safely?

I had planned on bringing them back there anyway, and if it meant this entire Bullshit would go over faster I'd gladly do that.

“I can do that, i'll even promise to bring them there myself even if i get shot at again”

He seemed a bit calmer at the prospect of his friends getting back home safely, but he seemed to still have something nagging at him.

“So- uh, how- how are you going to- you know?”

Ah this was the part i had dreaded, explaining that i was going to literally eat him alive was not going to go over well.

And how the fuck would i even start explaining this?

In the end I decided to just be blunt about it, no use beating around the bush after all.

“Im- im going to… eat you? I guess?”

He blanched at the words, gripping one of his upper arms so tight that I worried it would start to bleed, looking at it made me realize that there were some long healed teeth marks on his elbow.

Right Robin has said something about that.

He was sitting on the ground paler than I had ever seen him before, shaking and refusing to look at me.

Finally he spoke in a quiet and softly dejected voice.

"What do you plan to do? Chew me to bits? Or snap my neck first?"

“Neither, I intend to swallow you whole. Alive."

He winced as I told him what I was going to do.

“That's hardly any better, i really don't want to die by melting alive but i can’t stop you”

Oh yeah i forgot about that part, It would be the first thing anyone assumed when told such a thing.

I wracked my brain trying to come up with something to comfort him that wouldn’t give away that he'd be safe to the sick fuck on the balcony.

“Well, not really, you'd suffocate first before anything else happens so it would be more like just going to sleep i guess”

“How the fuck do you know that? Please don't tell me you have done something like this before!”

He was starting to panic again and I tried to find something in my Brain that could help explain it.

“Uhh, no I have not, remember that I've only been a Giant for like a week? And I've spent that time in a stupid ass forest where I got lost?

That aside, well, Biology i guess? You can't tell me you've never thrown up.

And I'm pretty sure humans suffocate after like ten minutes? Well at least people pass out by that point i've seen that outside of bars”

Alcohol did not do kind things to people, made them pretty pissy generally.

At least Arthur seemed to be a bit more at ease now after I told him why I knew such a thing.

Well as at ease as one can be when facing the prospect of being eaten alive at least.

He was however still shaking like a leaf and pale like a corpse, anticipating a death that wouldn't really come.

“We can't stall this forever can we? As much as i'd like to, i think if we take any longer they will just shoot both of us to death”

He shakily nodded, sighing.

“Alright just… get it over with i guess, i won't move”

I put my hand down in front of him so he could climb on.

He stared at it for a good few seconds seemingly not comprehending that he could just climb into my palm before he closed his eyes and stepped on.

Using my other hand to stabilize him I carefully raised him to be level with my face.

I noticed that he had shut his eyes as tight as possible and was breathing hard, trying not to panic and shaking like it was the middle of winter.

“It'll be okay i won't hurt you don't worry”

I tried to reassure him the best I could before I put him in my mouth.

Pushing a finger against him I shoved him to the back of my throat and I shifted my jaw a few times, sighing before I swallowed.

Throughout all of this Arthur had been remarkably calm and I didn't know if he had passed out or not, but a slight shift of his arms proved that he was still conscious.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur was shoved head first into Donovan's mouth, past the pearly white teeth and a finger pushed him even further in, dragging him along the weirdly bumpy texture of the tongue to the back of the throat.

He could feel as Donovan opened and closed his jaws a few times, Likely preparing to swallow again.

Arthur could feel the air push against him as Donovan let out a sigh, The air swirling past him out of the mouth he was in.

Then a loud 'GLRK' sounded, taking him down most of the way.

Arthur could feel what he assumed to be Donovan’s hand press in against the throat as he went down.

He could hear the giant’s heart beating loudly as he passed it and it took everything in him not to move.

One last swallow and Arthur flopped out into an open space leaving him the one option it is.

This is not a place he imagined he’d actually end up being in, at least in one piece.

Arthur stayed still, trying his hardest not to move until he curled around himself, shaking.

He could feel the fleshy walls shift around him as the Giant breathed in and out.

He wanted to scream and hit and kick at the slowly rippling walls, but he had said he wouldn't move, so he'd try his best to keep still.

If he could keep his friends safe in exchange for this nightmare he would stay here, even if it meant his own death. —----------------------------------------------------------------------------

After Arthur had slipped away from my hands I could feel him enter my pouch.

I could tell he was shaking really badly and I wished to be able to do nothing more than comfort the trembling form and tell him he wasn't gonna die.

But I couldn't, not with an entire army watching, not to mention the bushy eyebrows guy was leaning over the railing again.

He had a sick sort of elation on his face at seeing me devour Arthur and I wanted nothing more than to punch his face in.

“WELL DONE BEAST! YOU SHALL BE RELEASED TOMORROW! UNTIL THEN YOU SHALL BE WATCHED! TO ENSURE THAT HE IS TRULY DEAD!”

God I hated this prick and wished him an untimely and absolutely stupid death.

Hearing him laugh in his ear paining nasally voice I Punched the wall next to me with a loud Boom that shook the balconies overhead, making him and a few soldiers yelp in alarm.

“Your Majesty! Are you alright?’”

Wait, that was the King??? Oh fuck i was lucky that he had agreed to let me and the other two go tomorrow.

But I hadn't expected the guy with the bushy eyebrows to be the king, he just didn't look like it, but that was probably because he wasn't wearing a crown the times i saw him.

Well aware that I was being watched from who knew where I sat back against the wall near where the sun was shining in.

Drawing my legs up I put my hands over my middle where the still trembling form of Arthur currently resided.

I had to applaud him though, he had been refraining from struggling or screaming this entire time.

He certainly was a brave man, I was pretty sure I would be screaming in such a situation.

Putting my hand directly over my pouch I could even feel him breathe, he was taking slow shaky breaths apparently trying not to cry.

I felt worse than ever and I couldn't even tell him he'd be fine! If word got out to the king I'd be shot dead immediately!

I tried my best to comfort him still, rubbing softly at him through the walls of my pouch where he lay.

I stopped after hearing him let out a quiet sob.

I hated this, hated it a lot actually and wanted time to go over faster so we could leave and finally tell him that he's not in danger.

He was still trembling and it made me feel even more worse the more this went on but I didn't dare speak.

Trying to think of something else to calm him down as attempting to rub at him hadn't helped in the least i started holding my own breath.

He got some form of air supply, so if I managed to pinch that off enough he would get drowsy from lack of oxygen and fall asleep.

Perhaps holding my breath as well would work?

It might be mean to do such a thing but being in a constant state of terror couldn't be good for his brain.

I was really glad I could hold my breath for quite some time, about five minutes if I recalled correctly, enough time for Arthur to start slumbering the time he was stuck there away.

And I was right, it only took him three minutes to stop shaking and fall asleep.

So now I was sitting in this stupid pit with only the sleeping form of Arthur to keep me company, which was honestly rather boring.

However I would not try to make smalltalk with one of the Guards that without a doubt would shoot me immediately if they were allowed to do so.

We were leaving as soon as possible anyways so it would be pretty pointless to do such a thing.

Sliding down against the wall slowly so as not to disturb the sleeping Form inside of me I put my back against the wall, lying on my side and tucking my legs up, curling protectively around my middle.

I could feel Arthur slide a little in my pouch and I went dead still, hoping to not wake him up after he had finally calmed down.

As nothing besides slight shifting happened I continued to lay there trying not to think about how having something alive in my pouch felt actually sort of, good?

I shoved such thoughts as far away as possible, this would NOT become a common occurrence, After all, as soon as I got those idiots back to Kamerasca I would dip anyway.

I still couldn't figure out why the thought about them going back without me stung, but I ignored it for now.

Laying like this and watching the sunbeam move over the wall I started holding my breath everytime i thought that Arthur was about to wake up.

Some hours later the light from outside vanished completely leaving me in darkness and with nothing better to do fell asleep myself hoping that Arthur wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night.

I was not woken until the next morning when I heard doors being opened with a bang from one of the balconies startling me enough to sit up abruptly.

Fearing that it might have woken Arthur, I held my breath again as I heard the telltale clack clack of expensive shoes on stone walking to the railing.

Ah, it seems the king has arrived again.

I sincerely hoped that he’d keep his word and let me and the other two free today, but he had sworn to God and all rivers of hell so it should be fine.

I hoped at least.

I was proven right when I heard his Nasally and way too loud voice called down to me.

“BEAST! SINCE THE BOY IS NOW DEAD YOU AND THE OTHER TWO PRISONERS WILL BE ESCORTED OUT OF MARINGAND TODAY! AND REMEMBER TO NEVER RETURN TO MY KINGDOM!”

As if I ever wanted to come back to this hellhole but saying that out loud might not be a good idea.

“Sure, i'm not keen on getting stuck into this pit again, so we will leave for good i can assure you that”

Standing up slowly to make sure Arthur stayed asleep, I stood in the middle of the room as the king called down again.

“BEAST! IF YOU ARE TO STRAY TOO FAR OR ATTACK A CITIZEN YOU WILL BE SHOT! WE HAVE PLANNED A ROUTE OUT OF OUR KINGDOM AND WE WILL LEAD YOU THERE! SO DO NOT WANDER OFF OR YOU WILL BE SHOT!”

Man this guy loved to threaten me with getting shot, and I kinda wished I could shoot him instead.

Ignoring the urge to punch the wall again I heard another set of doors being opened.

Turning around I saw that they were pushing the only door that I could fit through slowly open.

Peering into the dark I saw at least forty guards, all fitted with crossbows in addition to their normal getup standing in front of a slope that seemed to have been carved out of the surrounding stone.

Slowly going up the tunnel surrounded by armed Guards I saw another door that was also being opened the moment we came near it.

Arthur was still unconscious, and currently bunched up like in a hammock at the bottom of my pouch.

I held my breath again to make sure Arthur stayed asleep but made extra sure to not completely suffocate him, just keep the air low enough that he wouldn't wake up.

Watching the Doors swing open I saw both Robin and Rikaad on the other side, both surrounded by Guards like me.

Robin's face lit up at the sight of me and Rikaad looked confusedly behind me and around as if searching for someone, and I knew exactly who he was looking for but I couldn't tell him that Arthur was okay and with me, Within me right now.

And I prayed to Amesimos that he would never find out, he was an enigma as it was and I couldn't predict what he would do if he ever did find out.

It might be okay, or he could just murder me for doing such a thing I couldn't tell with that guy.

I knew as long as I didn't do anything bad he was alright but I didn't know how he would react to something like this.

Robin seemed to have catched up on the fact that Arthur was still missing and was looking around confusedly.

He even tried to get closer to me but was yanked back by a Guard and put next to Rikaad who looked at the offending man with the iciest look i had ever seen him have, and even the guard backed off a bit as Rikaad stood provocatively next to Robin while Squaring up in front of the smaller Guard.

He really was a tall human, if i was still normal sized i’d definitely be scared of him.

I was also a bit scared of him as a Giant to be honest, Those eyes still unnerved me greatly.

As I was being led out of the tower I noticed it was near the edge of the forest next to some houses, and that Robin was right about me being tall like a house, I could see onto the roofs pretty well.

At the command of some higher ranking Guard we were all collectively herded along the line of buildings towards the forest.

If the streets weren't completely empty it would feel like I was being paraded through town, but it looked like they had ‘evacuated’ all citizens for this.

One less thing to worry about I hoped.

They really weren't fast either and I had to slowly drag my feet across the ground to not step out of the line they made.

I really tried to steer closer to Robin and Rikaad but the Guards always switched positions with them so I couldn't get near, and every time I did try they would aim their crossbows at me.

Feeling Arthur move a bit I held my breath again, if he woke up now and made any noise that could be heard on the outside we'd all be dead men.

I felt really bad about doing this to him, but I didn't really have any other options, and besides it was to save his hide as much as mine.

I just hoped he would forgive me for this one day, but it was unlikely.

It was whatever, they would go back home to Kamerasca and I would have to wander the woods as just another monster if I didn't find out how to deal with this curse.

Noticing movement out of the corner of my eye I looked onto a rooftop to see a barefooted boy in tattered clothing standing there, He seemed to be not older than eleven or twelve, and surprisingly had pointed ears just like me.

Another Bastard, I looked at him in sympathy and silently wished him luck.

I knew how hard street life could be as an unwanted halfbreed.

As he saw that I was looking at him he made the thumbs up gesture while pointing to his ears and I gave the tiniest nod back.

He climbed over the roofs out of sight and I doubted that I would ever see this boy again.

But it was nice to know I wasn't the only one.

I noticed that the direction we were going in was towards the mountain and I guessed that they would let us go at roughly the same spot they found us.

Holding my breath again as I felt Arthur move I tried to get closer to Robin and Rikaad once more but stopped when some of the Guards raised their crossbows at me.

There was no doubt in my mind that the tips were coated in poison and I was not keen on getting shot, again.

PREVIOUS / NEXT / OVERSIGHT

[one-winged-dreams]

Bestie I wanna preface this by saying I fully understand the abuse response of freezing and just being a doormat and the fear of standing up for yourself and I don't expect you to like. Actually Do This but I just thought perhaps it might help to have something reinforced from the outside: you are no longer a teenager trapped in your mothers house and forced to be under her thumb. You are a fully grown adult and she is, at this point, trespassing in your apartment that you pay for after showing up uninvited. Obviously I want you to be safe, but I do think you owe it to yourself to tell her that she needs to leave. It is fucking INSANE she and your father are putting you through this because they cant handle their own BS. Maybe talk it out with Owen so he can back you up, bc we know he will. You are not that scared little kid anymore, no matter how much she may make you feel that way. You shouldn't have to go through this.

Man, I so totally knew something like this was coming because tbh, even i'm getting tired of my bitching.

I absolutely agree with everything you've said, I just do not know how to force myself to go through with it, on god. I have been trying to build a spine for YEARS. I'm still utterly stumped.

Also let me offer an apology for letting this spiral turn me into a neurotic lunatic lately, that's not what I'm on this hellsite for.

Taking this to heart (and intense visceral consideration), let me take a moment to articulate why this is so fucking hard for me for the sake of like, putting things into perspective and also the trauma response of overexplaining things so I don't feel like a fucking idiot and just in case anyone wants to play psychotherapist for a few seconds and shoot me some advice. (tw for child abuse and general trauma dump below)

I used to argue with this woman almost on the daily, but eventually your own mother beating the living fuck out of you tends to break you down and now adult Adri is forced to live with this weird child-like need to be A Good Kid™ to A) avoid getting the living fuck beaten out of me (unrealistic), and B) i don't fucking know, get validation and love??? Who fucking knows. She was sobbing to me how I'm all she's got left because my sister refuses to have anything to do with it (she's the meanest bitch i've ever met, but at least she's got her priorities straight) and little beaten down Adri is like "Oh, that means I have to step up and do good, my poor mother who used to beat the living fuck out of me, i'd be *reads verbatim the shit she used to throw at me tattooed on my fucking hand* 'an evil ungrateful little bitch' if I refuse her."

Also taking into account what a paranoid nutjob she's become, I for SURE know that I will suffer Consequences™ should I show an ounce of defiance, I just don't know WHAT.

ANYWAY. That's what's all on my plate right now.

She offhandedly mentioned "If I can't find a new place then I'm going to have to go back home I guess" and at the risk of sounding like an awful person making someone go back into an abusive situation, I just kinda was like "Will you be okay there?" but forced myself to clam up and not object, so that's a potentially open door out.

I was literally sick with stress earlier today, so something's got to give at this point, and I know it's gotta be me. Because nothing's gonna get done if I don't do something. And I appreciate the tough love here, I really do, it was a good kick in the ass to make me pull myself together. I'm just sitting here with my head in my hands trying to figure it out. I will probably wait for Owen to get home to talk about this, and then -gestures vaugely- we'll see what we'll do. Hopefully whatever it is, it'll be asap.

[atopvisenyashill]

Re your Bran ask. The amount of Key Five stans that think GRRM's intention is to make those five the Heroes of the Series and it's gonna be some found family-esque MCU dramedy where they all come together to defeat the others and then go on to plan Jon and Dany's wedding before having some double coronation among the cheering masses and everyone in Westeros falls at the feet of the Targ Regime is honestly fucking hilarious and baffling. This goes hand in hand with the Dany-Jon-Tyrion three heads of the dragon nonsense lmao.

They constantly praise GRRM for subverting tropes, but think he's going to play the Azor Ahai prophecy straight and think Dany and Jon will be unironic messianic figures/heroes. But for the other bitches and houses (especially Sansa or Aegon or Jaime, etc. who they hate) it's gonna be grimdark doom and gloom. Uhhh, yeah sure. Honestly these people should be happy these books never getting published because the meltdowns would be insane.

Imagine thinking GRRM isn't going to make these characters come into conflict with one another. It's not even about being an anti of any of these characters, it's about knowing basic storytelling narratives and what we've seen in the past five books, if you think there won't be angst, conflict, betrayals, etc. I genuinely don't know what to say.

the way this ask just got LOST in my inbox oh my god. anon if you're still around i'm so sorry lmao i do not know what happened.

but YES, i think i've used the word "naive" before as in, I think people are really banking on the sweet and not the bitter part of "bittersweet ending." I've seen people say that the later books are likely to be more "typical" or "straightforward" fantasy and it's like...why on earth would you think that? Everything he has said is pointing to continuing to do his shocking but well foreshadowed twists and turns and continuing to subvert tropes and expectations.

And yes, there's definitely like certain characters that the Key Five/Targ restoration/DJT Three Heads people will put all the "bitter" onand it's always so baffling and a lil telling that they just don't have the imagination to see a happier ending for Sansa, Bran, Brienne, Arianne, or Theon. I certainly have a tendency to dwell on the more "sweet" side of things for characters like Sansa, Arya, Brienne but a lot of that is because I'm just unsure of what the "bitter" aspect will be whereas I'm much more confident about the "bitter" aspect of characters like Dany, Bran, or Jon but I am fully confident that even with Sansa, Arya, and Brienne having some sort of power at the end, there will be a twinge of bitterness - I tend to go with "separated from their brothers" because that hits me right in heart but I'm sure George is gonna pull off something to make me insane and I will like it!! They will all have aspects of this one way or the other, not just a few characters! Sansa is not getting her head chopped off (WHY would this even happen. "Oh she committed treason" shut the hell your mouth she's not getting executed for Joffrey's death and she's not getting executed for *checks notes* giving a vague answer after she's pulled out of bed hungover and stressed out and asked to contradict the fucking crown prince can we be serious) because that's just objectively all bitter. Or that Aegon's death will be like, fine, no consequences, good even because he's just a pretender and nevermind that like, if the Blackfyre thing is true the kid's just been gaslit his entire life so how is any of this his fault?? It's why I waffle a lot on Dany's ending - I do think there will be something sweet for her there, if only for a moment, before her crown is taken from her but because that's so tied to politics, I'm a bit shaky on what it's going to be simply because the magical aspects make more sense to me.

I read fantasy not political thrillers or even a lot of historical fiction and I know I've bitched about all the "bran is annoying i hate magic" takes but at the same time that I find it annoying when the political fans will undersell the magic aspect or refuse to factor it into their theories, it's just as annoying when people insist that "the real enemy is the Others, politics is a distraction" it's not though! The political and the magical are intertwined and both of these aspects of the story will be subverted and played with in the end, it's not going to be a straightforward ending where Jon and Dany are both Azor Ahai and the Prince That Was Promised and this is indisputably a good thing and then they rule the seven kingdoms and it's all perfect. That is just not happening! We have it repeated over and over that magic and prophecy is tricky at best and untrustworthy at worst and Dany is spending all her time neck deep in prophecies and blood magic and yet this is somehow not going to have any affect on her psyche whatsoever and never mind that prophecy is what drove half her relatives crazy AND is actively driving Cersei, Stannis, and Melisandre insane. Arya has spent two full books in BRAAVOS of all places and yeah I DO in fact think that Arya living in the Free City known for rebelling against the Valyrians, serving the assassins guild that is heavily implied to have helped kick off the Doom of Valyria because of their hatred for slavery is in fact going to be relevant when she comes face to face with a Valyrian claimant who used blood magic and killed a slave in order to hatch her dragons.

Also cannot reiterate enough that George himself was deeply annoyed about the original outline getting leaked because his story has diverged massively from there and this "key five" thing is NOT APPLICABLE TO THIS STORY. It's no longer the story he's writing folks!!!

[kalihaze604]

Wednesday, January 17th, 2024

rest and digest

My nervous system is finally healing! This is something major to celebrate because I’ve spent most of my life in an anxious state of fight/flight/freeze/fawn as a result of a lifetime of narcissistic abuse that started with my manipulative and controlling parents. Early childhood is the root of everyone’s problems, and most folks don’t even want to acknowledge that their childhood wasn’t as pretty as they romanticized it to be to avoid processing the painful parts that got bottled up and left to rot and deal with later. Even my own father said “well most peoples childhood isn’t perfect” but was completely unwilling to have any sort of self awareness or accountability for his actions and how his trauma was intergenerational and yes that he does in fact have trauma that was ever addressed and narcissistic personality disorder as a result. My parents will never accept the consequences for their actions yet my mom made sure to constantly yell at me and drill into my head that I always needed to think about “what happens next” yet it’s clear this is just “do as I Say -not as I Do”! It’s pointless to expect my parents to ever heal or apologize for how much harm they caused. Growing up with two narcs made me normalize abuse and view abuse as love, setting me up for a series of failed traumatic abusive relationships mostly with narcissists. Abuse was all I knew and I just wanted a happy ending to my trauma cycle but repeating it was not bringing anything more than more pain and abuse. Then my pain got so bad I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and my pain worsened as my symptoms diversified. Western medicine was literally useless in terms of providing anything other than inadequately low doses of opiate pain meds but I later realized that my own doctor was another person with narcissistic personality disorder and that was significantly impacting my care. She never took my pain seriously and gave me breadcrumbs of care while getting paid huge amounts of money by the government and disability system from neglecting, abusing and often abandoning me to die when she didn’t have answers. Asking an abuser to help heal an Illness caused by abuse is insane, I realized. This doctor’s last name literally rhymes with Evil and the first time I saw her, I thought the nurse said “you’ll be seeing Dr Evil tonight!” Which I thought was hilarious at the time but it was likely just my intuition trying to scream and tell me to run away from this bitch before things got worse. I was always doing sex work to pay for medical cannabis because she was always underprescribing me so I had to pay extra to actually manage my pain and be able to function. I stopped speaking to my doctor in May when I was crying uncontrollably while I begged for another prescription increase and she refused. I stopped seeing her and started buying a small amount of low dose diverted pills to be able to adequately manage my pain this summer. There’s a whole community that is being neglected by their doctors and underprescribed meds, so they sell or trade their low dose meds for higher dose unregulated products or cash to be able to manage their pain and function. A whole community of folks that were failed by western medicine and are now “self medicating” or whatever label gets slapped on these folks who are already super criminalized.

In December, after a breakup with yet another Narc that had caused extreme fibromyalgia flare ups by either fucking me into a flare up or emotionally neglecting me to the point I react by shutting down and going into a freeze state. My body was fucking tired. My back was covered in burns from my heating pad and a wicked hyperpigmentation skin rash. Some dude once catcalled me with “ I LOVE your scars!” Like bro there’s nothing cool about these unique markings, you can get them too if you can commit to spending 12+ hours per day glued to a heating pad for a year and a half straight! Anyways I’m sure they’ll fade once I stop using my heating pad and commit to putting thc/cbd transdermal cream on my back regularly to heal and nourish the sensitive angry skin.  

Since deleting social media I’ve been spending way less time rotting in bed glued to my heating pad. I have honestly surprised myself with how much I have accomplished in the last couple days. Since getting out of that relationship and going no contact with my abusive bio family, I feel like my nervous system has majorly calmed the fuck down for the most part. I’ve lost so much weight unintentionally over the past month and a lot has been in the “cortisol belly” area that’s known as a fat storage site when you have high cortisol levels caused by extreme stress and nervous system deregulation. I had boxes of extra small clothes sitting in storage since 2018, and now they all fit me again! Size totally depends on the cut and on the brand but I’m fitting into size 0/xxs clothes now and that’s what I consider a normal size for me? Five fucking years is what it took to get my body back after losing all human rights and control over my body thanks to extended leave, being forced to take mood stabilizers I didn’t need that caused extreme weight gain and the useless mental health system. I’ve been getting so much done lately but I’ve also been resting a lot and having such good sleep and naps now. In the fall I struggled to sleep because I was so stressed and miserable and couldn’t stop thinking, couldn’t relax and rest, there was too much on my mind. It feels so Damn good to be so relaxed. It feels so good to look in the mirror and see myself again and actually feel completely content and confident in my body.

[animentality]



About your broad point: yeah, one of my favorite things when many feminist ideologues make mocking remarks about how men need a "Take Our Sons Home Day" is to remind them that the Ms. Foundation *did* want to create such a day (in tandem with their Take Our Daughters to Work Day) but, because the feminist movement had been poisoning the well with incredibly foolish mocking vengeance games since the 1960s, they couldn't get a single men's charity or support group to sponsor such a day so it never got off the ground. One has to think that it serves the Ms. Foundation right that that happened.

one of the actual problems with how the radical feminist groups operate today is that radical gender revolutions are achievable, but not if your rhetoric relies on firing up women to hate every single man they come in contact with.

there's a way to find neutral ground without compromising a radical viewpoint.

that neutral ground is based in pragmatism. achievable goals, that sound fair to moderates AND still align with the radical view. change starts small.

you can't expect people who were born in the fuckin 50s to suddenly change overnight. you have to introduce things to people, piece by piece, and make a lasting change that just grows and grows in momentum until one day we look back with bewilderment at how we used to be.

violent revolutions are theatrical and fun, but the revolutions that actually last?

revolutions that start off practically. with little adjustments, that become bigger and bigger.

this is why terfs and radfems hurt more than they help! they suggest that all men are monsters and that's all they can ever be, and we must TOPPLE the oppression they all have.

like...how? how, bitch? you wanna kill every man you know?

plus, that shit is literally biological determinism, and it's the WORST because it just turns off guys that can and will do better with time and effort?

it also strips humanity from an entire sex, which is you know.

fucking bad. shockingly, terfs forget that's where we fucking came from.

and listen...listen...

there will always be violently misogynistic, perpetually online men who will hate you for whatever you say, and fuck those guys. rile them up, if you want, for fun or for profit.

but when it comes to the actual work of seeking equality in the professional and home environments, you take a reasonable approach. there are reasonable people out there!!

revolutions might need to be violent sometimes, but they start at fucking home. with average people, asking for not a whole lot...until they realize that they can't have it unless they take it.

but you won't win over the average people with your insane ramblings about how penis havers just wanna fuck dogs and children!!

i also hate the rad fem approach where they claim men can do whatever they want without repercussion. It's incorrect and alienating. no one in this world has not been molded by social pressure to be a certain way.

on a casual level, men can't go into office jobs in shorts. they can't drive a car without a license. they can't flash their penis in public. they can't drive their cars into other people's cars without legal consequences.

it's wildly wrong to assert men just by virtue of being men can literally do anything, and men know that.

on a more serious note too, if you tell men that they can rape and kill and do whatever they want, they will both know that's not true and immediately distrust whatever you're about to say next.

men and boys DO have certain privileges and they should be criticized. they CAN get away with a lot of things that most of us can't. some of them run things, and some of them are cruel. yes, patriarchy exists and yes, white maleness is a privilege.

but you can criticize that system and the binary gender system without totally demonizing the people born within its parameters. you don't have to say oh boys will be boys has turned men into demons and thus all men and boys are not to be trusted, they are evil.

like are you kidding?

your goal should be to teach, not hurt. to open hearts and minds, not slam them shut. sure, some of them won't like to hear about their privilege, but some of them do open their eyes.

some of them do say oh...you know what? you're right. why am i allowed to do that, but others can't? there are plenty of white guys out there who can say, i had privileges! i got to do things that others who weren't born like me can't. let me try and fix that.

we have a lot of things nowadays that we take for granted.

we have things in america that other countries don't even have, like anti discrimination laws.

there is groundwork. the seeds are there. progress can be made.

but not by these raging perpetually online losers who hate their daddies.

you know what also annoys me about rad fem movements too?

yes, patriarchy is bad, but you know what's also bad? capitalism. exploitation. racism.

a million of other things that real people, regardless of gender, can experience.

violence and pain. chronic illnesses, hate crimes, discrimination, homophobia and transphobia.

i swear, these fucking terfs act like sexism is the only evil in the world.

we live in a fucked up world, where everyone has felt tiny and insignificant and weak. where everyone has been hurt. where everyone has been reduced to a battered object.

even straight white men have felt objectified. look at the fucking minimum wage in the us. the stagnation of wages across every sector. look at the cost of groceries. look at how bad rent has gotten. look at how the average family, regardless of religion, color, and gender, has suffered. look at how having a medical accident in the us can completely destroy an entire family.

poor straight white men are more likely to be your ally than that wealthy white woman who owns walmart. they're also a more helpful ally, since a united populace will always be more powerful than any one person, even a billionaire.

now certain groups of people have experienced more pain... there's no denying that.

but our goal should be to elevate those experiences to the broader audience and help them understand what we want.

not some stupid fucking goal like kill all men or neuter all rapists or whatever.

an actual goal.

maternity leave for men and women. reduced work hours. higher minimum wage. better government support for working class families raising kids. better healthcare. legal protections for trans people.

these things fucking matter.

these radical feminist assholes just spend all their times sharing quotes about how every man is a pig and they are absolutely useless. they pollute the message and allow our real enemies to only grow in strength by turning moderates off from their better radical points.

anyway.

sorry for the ramble, thanks for sharing. really interesting story.

i wish radical feminists could understand that pragmatism outweighs any bullshit internet rhetoric that you like to use for clout.

[topnotchquark]

Top 5 motogp moments ™️ this season

Thank u sm for sending this question! I only started watching two months ago so I'm doing a top 3 moments. Let's get into it.

1. Bezz win at Indian GP! I saw this in person so you have to understand it was straight up spectacular for me. I watched him build a 9 second winning margin lap after lap, giving it his all to pump up his lead in 65% humidity that nearly knocked out other drivers. The roar of his bike was a distant hum by the time the rest of the grid even entered my line of sight. I cannot emphasize how much that day was his day. A man totally worthy of the victory he faught for. I had a fever that day and that along with the adrenaline of watching that insane fucking ride simply blew my mind.

Anyway!! Watch this grainy video I took from my poor phone camera of him racing.

2. Pecco's attempt at the double overtake at the Thai GP. He lost the racing line on the turn but it was still the kind of racing that makes you hold your breath from him. Imo with a bike you can see the physical intensity required to actually push ahead which maybe doesn't convey well with 4 wheeler racing. The moment was visually breathtaking, and just the act of putting your body on the line, exercising utmost precision when you have no room for error. I'm a sucker for that stuff, it's like high stakes ballet.

3. Diggia win! This one is simple. Almost everyone cheered when he won! Sports is literally all about narrative and hell if this wasn't a narrative. He was delightful to watch after the win too. Genuine joy rushing into him after what I can imagine has been a difficult few months. When someone has been winning over and over it dulls the sheen a little bit, winning turns into an expectation, and consequently a burden. So it was delightful to see someone who could welcome a win as a lifting of a weight from their shoulders. Diggia is also very articulate in his interactions with the press, which I liked. Man got shitcanned and didn't let that stop him, that's a sign of a bad bitch! Hope he cops a good fucking seat and has a wonderful future.

Other than that's it's been so fun finding this insane sport and also finding this wonderful community here. Everyone on motogpblr is hilarious and interesting and everyone gets this sport for what it is (messy bitches on bikes that they really want to fuck).

[d1g1k1tty]

Just finished Episode 3 Season 5 and I have thoughts:

This bitch (Monarch) is actually insane. I can’t believe mans just fucking melted down the miraculous to turn them into rings. Me personally, I would never take that kind of risk with one-of-a-kind, magic jewels, but whatever ig. Also, maybe I just missed this but I don’t understand why Kagami’s mom is teaming up with Gabriel. I know she wanted Kagami and Adrien to become friends for the status and whatnot. But what does she gain from helping Monarch?? 

Also, the consequence for directly cataclysm-ing a person wasn’t as terrible as I thought. Yes, I know it’s still a kids’ show and they can’t show anything graphic, but damn. I kind of expected more. Like a little Shigaraki-styled crumbling, maybe. Like, Chat Noir can destroy huge structures with his power, but when he touches a human it’s just a silly purple mark?

Not to be cruel or anything, but I kind of laughed when it showed Gabriel at his little tablet, checking the cataclysm wound, like “gah it hurts so bad D:” like dude your bones are probably fucking melting idk what you expected. Anyway that’s it. I’m kind of having fun just fucking around on tumblr like this. I sorta skipped my tumblr phase when I was in middle school so now’s my chance to make up for it lol

OH MY GOD I almost forgot. I cannot take the serious sounding opening seriously when they haven’t changed the graphics of the opening yet. It’s just so silly and goofy

[kawaiiobsidian]

i want to die and it would be so fucking easy we have so many kill yourself machines. i know where the keys are. i own one of them. one sits next to me nightly. i would never its too violent and then my husband will be traumatized and then his family will say to him oh your wife was suicidal and you kept 15 guns in the house? and donated to gun owners of america? and made sure you carried it around in your house? and in your basement? and made the basement a fire hazard? and ignored her? it could be one of the fastest best decisions i could make! something ive wanted to do since i was 6 finally cross it off the bucket list in death

i know that death is blackness i know its nothingness and you don't get to have this look down from heaven moment. I don't want to look back i want to die i want blackness I don't want to think about how i was raped or screamed at or how every decision i make is the worst one to make i can see the lovely little signs all around me don't do this don't do that do not do this but I do it and do it and WOW its the consequences of my actions oh no you have no one to blame but yourself you dumb stupid bitch why did you think you were different? why did you think you could love or accept yourself ? why didn't you think you could handle everything life throws at you? you CANT. YOU CANT. YOU NEVER WILL AND YOU NEVER CAN BREAK OUT OF THIS. THIS WILL TORTURE YOU UNTIL YOURE AN OLD LADY IN A HOME BEING TORTURED BY SUPPORT STAFF THAT ARENT BEING SUPPORTED THEMSELVES. you will always be an idiot. a lost cause. a piece of shit that never had anything good. you're not talented you're not pretty you're not intelligent you're not a good person you're not a kind person youre not nice youre insanely grotesque to look at and you tricked these people into thinking you're normal and should be accepted. the reason you are "burned out" isn't because youre trying to live up to expectations its you are not who you've sold yourself to everyone as. you're a liar you're a fucking slut you're the reason he cant get ahead in life. you are the reason. and no you're not the only person in the world it cant all be you but i am the worst person if i wasn't walking into that salon do you think they'd have a sour atttrube? you have a sour attitude because you have to be on the defensive

and all this over a missed med check because my psych can see that i don't make the appointments i don't take my meds consistently ive ruined my entire life and somehow. I'm supposed to make an appointment that the adult put together version booked. I clearly cannot make these appointments. I need to find a new office. I have been seen by the same psych for almost 8 years.

this is a run on fuck you and you should killyourself (me)

[ridermatsu]

venting tiiime

i am so fucking pissed off night now. i know im barely here nowadays but this is the only place i know no one irl follows me so i need to vent.

Context: brother got married almost 2 years ago. they have an 80-lbs golden doodle puppy (1-2 years old) and had a baby in late June.

we were supposed to visit my brother in halifax (5 hrs away) this weekend coming up. then last night, mom gets a text from SIL asking us to take Murphy (their dog) until Thanksgiving. So, about a month.

Now WE have a dog. Her name is Cookie. she's a 13-year-old lhasapoo with a meat allergy. We love her, she's in pretty good health but we know she probably has another good year or two. Cookie can tolerate Murphy (they have before, we kept him for a week during Fiona and she was OK), but obviously we don't want to put too much stress on her.

So my mom says "im really sorry, but we can't take Murphy for a month". inb4 anyone asks, the in-laws can't take him because they have an elderly golden retriever who hates Murphy, so he can't stay with them for a month.

this morning, mom got a text from my brother. he said that his wife is really stressed out, with the baby and the dog, and that "company probably isn't good for this weekend". whihc translates to: "my wife is mad you wont take Murphy for a month so she doesnt want you to come sorry"

i am going. fucking insane. the absolute gall and audacity of this bitch. i dont hate SIL. but she infuriates me to my core. the entitlement.

after a small "break" they took when dating (which she blamed on my mom making naughty jokes about kitchens and rooster decorations), my parents have been walking on eggshells around her. IVE been walking on eggshells around her. we have been trying to compromise and make peace. but BY GOD is it hard to do that when you have someone who expects everything to go her way all the time.

i get she just had a baby. fuck, she even told my brother that she's been snapping at the dog for simply existing in her presence because of her postpartum rage. but my GOD as much as i love murphy they should NOT have gottwn him if they knew they were planning a baby. this wasnt an accidental baby!!! this was PLANNED!!!! and they were still like "you know what we should do? get a puppy that will grow to 80 pounds!!!"

but im not just upset with her. im upset with my brother too. because he ALSO walks on eggshells around her, he lets her walk all over him like a fucking doormat all the time. my brother loves dogs, but i dont think he realized how huge the responsibilty of raising a dog was. he also loves his son. that's his lil baby boy, of course he loves him!!! but he doesnt know how to say no to her, or talk to her. obv i dont know about their private life but from the lil glimpses ive gotten, it doesnt seem good. do i think he wanted to tell my mom not to come up this weekend because SIL is in a bad mood because we wont bend over backwards for her? no. did he still do it instead of having the important conversations about what to do about their situation? yeah. he did.

as much as it pains me to think about, i think they should rehome Murphy to someone who has the time and patience to train him and raise him well. my brother has patience but no time, and SIL has neither with a baby on her hands (and honestly i wouldnt be surprised if she just got a dog to make him happy without thinking about the consequences). because literally none of this is Murphy's fault! hes jsut a puppy! an overgrown, dumb and loveable puppy!!! i would take him in a heartbeat if i could!!! but i cant!!! because i have an elderly dog and i live with my paretns!!!!

this is not a good quality of life for him. Murphy deserves better.

[soppymilkgin]

making a list of all the things in this fic that make me go crazy because its so good and everyone should read it !!!

i'm going to spoil the whole fic so everything's under the cut ⬇️

————

things i love about this fic in somewhat chronological order? because how do you even order things when talking about a time loop:

the time loop premise -> gintoki experiencing something similar to shouyou/utsuro's eternal and meaningless existence!!

we already get the super explicit comparison in canon of them both being considered "demons" (and shouyou calling gintoki a monster's child because he's a monster), but this gives a whole new flavor and dimension to their relationship 😭 gintoki doesn't give a shit about the consequences of his actions at the start of the fic (messing with the geisha, stealing from the farmer) because nothing matters when it's all going to reset anyway -> much more extreme version of this is utsuro's insane kill count because nothing matters to him after experiencing so many reincarnations. and then gintoki helping the geisha out after having spent time with shouyou 😭 it's such a meaningful little scene, there was so much throught put into this fic

A PINKY PROMISE @*#$!)@#$

gintoki seeking shouyou out after their initial meeting -> gintoki becomes the one looking for a demon!! fun mirror moment

gintoki telling shouyou he hasn't considered all the options (suicide) and shouyou being like oh nonono

it's such a good little detail to have shouyou (utsuro antithesis) being like oh my god i need to stop this little baby from getting to that point and his desperation when trying to find a solution for gintoki is So palpable. and then gin-chan trying to be strong for him 🥹🥹🥹🥹 his watery smile <- practice for subsequent shouyou and takasugi deaths

the priest being a bitch to gintoki (sir this is a holiday for kids) and then shouyou's contrasting kindness to him is such a gintama moment 🥺

gintoki comparing shouyou to the summer and sunset <- im so emo about this. all of the symbolism with the seasons is so good

shouyou's surprise at gintoki praying for him <- Ough ⚰️

gintoki saying he wouldn't care about being trapped forever if shouyou can have it a little easier 😭😭😭 and then that being what breaks him out of the loop because he is the source of happiness AAAAAA it's so beautiful and perfect

shouyou's hands having no blemishes or visible faults!

shouyou picking a red scarf for gintoki ooughgh love, warmth, red string of fate, preparing him for the winter ahead 🥺🥺 (my first post on tumblr is actually a drawing inspired by this scene!)

gintoki's Guilt (because it wouldn't be gin-san without some crippling guilt) and thinking he was the only one who got anything out of the situation despite shouyou being like 😊😊😊 every time they meet and also saying “I think I’d be very sad to go this life without you in it as well.” gintoki you're everything hes ever wanted in a perfect little fluffy baby package you're destroying my soul

the ending!!!!! shouyou's line “Meeting you… I think it was more like a blessing.” DIES A THOUSAND DEATHS there are no words to describe the experience of reading this line. such a perfect ending to the fic AUGHGH gintoki cares about shouyou so much and you can Feel how much it means to shouyou 😭

also the characterization is so perfect. there are so many good lines in this fic that thoroughly fuck me up:

They start walking again, only this time Gintoki doesn’t linger back quite as far, thumbing the fabric of the sword hilt. “You can’t buy me, you know." Shouyou nods. “Most worthwhile things you can’t.”

He’s been expecting, on some level, to find an ugly, twisted piece underneath all the kindness that takes without giving instead of the opposite. But all that's happened is that Gintoki’s made one good, honest friend at the only time he can’t keep them; Shouyou’s summer, and right now, neither have ever felt further away. “You know,” a voice rumbles against his forehead, “when I first saw you today, I wondered if we hadn’t known each other before. In another life, maybe. I think I’d be very sad to go this life without you in it as well.”

It takes a second for him to realize Shouyou hasn’t followed, a line of shadow slipping over Gintoki’s face when he falters to a halt. The dark demarcates the space between them. “What is it?” From the shade, Shouyou explains, voice pensive and otherwordly. “I don’t know. I’ve just...felt out of sorts all day. I couldn’t tell you why, but something’s been missing. Something I don't understand or know how to fix. It’s not just today, really. It’s been a long time—that I’ve been feeling like that. And then, I met you.”

Gintoki glances up to find Shouyou’s expression has lightened, looking kind and thoughtful as he cards through his younger’s hair. “How did I ever get a friend like you?” he asks. Gintoki laughs awkwardly, unsure how to handle the heft of the conversation. “…Dunno. Talk about bad karma, right?” Pensively, Shouyou continues to work his student’s hair through his fingers, watching the curls fall back into place. “No,” the man says softly. “Meeting you... I think it was more like a blessing.”

there's probably more things to go crazy about that i'll discover upon rereading but this is all i've got that i can articulate in words

i'd also love to know people's thoughts on the koban coin's role in the story! besides the part where shouyou talks about not being able to buy worthwhile things, i'm getting a strong mental image of maneki-neko gin-chan

tldr: this fic enhanced my enjoyment of canon soooo much after i read it, like holy shit!! gintoki and shouyou love each other so much 🥲🥲🥲 they're just two demons, two nobodies, two lost souls etc. in their own little corner of the world

Chapters: 5/5 Fandom: Gintama Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Sakata Gintoki & Yoshida Shouyou Characters: Sakata Gintoki, Yoshida Shouyou Additional Tags: character being forced to relive the same day, Gintoki POV, Gintoki is a culmination of all my wit, sassbucket child becomes soft, Father-Son Relationship, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Shouyou: So I opened a school., Gintoki: Ew. Where do I join?, Angst with a Happy Ending, Time Loop, Canon Compliant Summary:

First impressions aren’t meant to be this difficult.