#And doing a pretty good job at illustrating difficult relationships

[saitamastamaticsoup]

No bc I skimmed through that stupid ass video and it’s literally him condensing down fascism into the most easily digestible way for his dumb baby brain audience!! bitch attack on Titan IS RIGHT THERE openly being fascist??

like first of all the media literacy is killing me because they rarely really talk about Japan a lot they’re like OK well I’m gonna be the best striker they don’t really have a whole bunch of”Japan is the best country” going on so that’s kinda a reach. Along with this surprise, amount of diversity and characters and backgrounds, and how people kind of missed the point because they can’t read, but the whole ego philosophy is like you SHOULD put yourself first and not just have everyone else above you like they are literally still teammates and still friends, even though they are all pursuing to be the best individually like isagi is not being rude to them off the field they had a whole arc hanging out together!! (Any of the people who talk about blue lock inspiring them to be more selfish with themselves and out themselves first is a good testament) like there’s been (so far that I’ve seen) transphobic jokes about bachira or Chigiri! I’ve been waiting for the shoe to drop and it literally hasn’t like they PURPOSELY avoid it. NO ableism towards Chigiri either other than the two crocodile brothers, who are never seen again, they’re a Kenyu who’s also disabled and it really highlights having a disability and being athlete, and also not being able to keep up with others, and how frustrating it is to be limited by said disability.(good rep but at what cost I’m sobbing now) Nobody making a derogatory gay joke towards shidou either because Sae EASILY could have been all “fuck off I’m not gay!” And yet he didn’t. Like personally just seems like a lazy ass fucking reach when it number one none of y’all take anime super deeply serious because if you did, there would be so many more people talking about the outright pedophilia in comics for “fan service”. That’s 15 year old girl why is she naked so let’s not act like every single thing needs to be taken literately. Unethical obviously because it’s funny! Like who is just a funny little guy who’s like I’m going to break you down and build you up. Calling them unpolished gems is definitely a choice bc he could be like “hello worthless scum” every day but he doesn’t; and also the characters have direct references to like a real world things(kunigami loves iron man so his whole arc is winter soldier themed)that they’re going to put in there because the artist used to draw a horror manga So no shit shidou is gunna have a Hannibal reference 😭

 yes, the parallels are there, but that can be said for any anime ever! And it’s really a reach to be like “yeah this is exactly what it is bar for bar” when like jujitsu, Kaisen is right there attack on Titan is right fucking their chainsaw man is right in front of your face😭 and I know his ass is doing it because blue lock is number one top selling Manga worldwide right(Being the first non shonen to do so in 20 years is fucking insane they deserve it) now so of course it’s going to get him fucking clicks if he talks about the most popular one! I could literally sit here and break this shit down down to the very art style and how the story is constructed, and even how they talk like actual young adults that exist in 2020. But like honestly, blue is the only anime that’s out right now that I don’t have to shut off my brain to enjoy I can literally just like watch it and know that I don’t have to block out stuff. They love these characters and handle them with the utmost care It’s on purpose, curated a safe space.

Just saw a really clickbait-y youtube video that called Blue Lock fascist in its thumbnail and I will admit first and foremost that I didn't watch it and yes I've been informed that it isn't implying that Blue Lock is some fascistic propaganda but it still got me thinking so-

here's my rant/breakdown about the ways that Blue Lock is specifically anti-fascist

So first of all, popular animes and mangas having possibly fascist undertones is nothing new. I won't deny that there's a long history of Japan being a colonizer and commiting atrocities that are still brushed off or forgotten about to this day. And this does seep into some works that I personally choose to not engage with for exactly that reason. Miss me with trying to be an apologist for or glorifying real world war crimes- But Blue Lock specifically? I'd be extremely hard pressed to call it fascist.

Fascism is defined as an alt-right, ultra nationalistic political ideology usually characterized by a centralized autocracy, forced suppression of opposition, belief in a natural social hierarchy and subordination of individual interests for the believed good of the nation or race according to Wikipedia. First let's go through the ways Blue Lock does match up with that.

Ego can be easily viewed as a dictator near the beginning of the manga

Most characters thrive on putting others down for their faults and strictly believe that there is some sort of natural order where people who lack "ego" are at the bottom

There is a sort of central autocracy with the top 6

Near the beginning especially, there is a violent snuffing out of any ideology that dares oppose egocentrism or the idea that you need to be a solid team to win a game

Now let's go through the ways Blue Lock denies and even goes against Fascism.

BLLK's main goal is to make a Japanese soccer team that can win a World Cup. In a more fascist manga, we would see racism ga-fucking-lore. We can see this in animes that have more right wing leaning undertones like Attack on Titan where when race is brought in it's for conflict. There's no possibility of harmony, only winners and losers. Those protected and those put down and punished.

And Blue Lock does have an extreme focus on who wins and who loses. It is not afraid to include racism against Japanese people like with Adam or portray black people in unsettling and kind of racist ways like Dada's original design. But these elements don't automatically spell fascism. Blue Lock is careful to portray characters of color as just that, characters. They don't exist to tell you about their lives of hardship and struggle and they don't exist to justify Ego's obessesion with creating a good Japanese team. As you read BLLK, you'll notice that the artist has taken care to get better at drawing different body types and facial structures. The character design isn't trying to sell some perfect ideal like fascism so famously does, it tells you a peak athlete doesn't have one distinct look. It tells you characters from other countries are just as if not more capable than the Blue Lock boys. Hell, even Sae's hatred of Japanese football is portrayed as less of a betrayal of country and pride and more of a cultural clash. The issue to be solved in Sae's character is the way he looks down on his brother, not how much he despises Japanese football teams' tactics. We know this because Ego himself rails against them too.

A fascist manga would paint Sae as a villain for even learning from and joining teams from other countries, lending them his talent instead of keeping it in his home country. But Blue Lock encourages diversification and collaberation with other nation's teams so heavily that it is literally an entire like 5 part arc right now. Ego isn't ultra nationalistic, he just wants to make a better soccer team for his country and he isn't afraid of praising and adopting from other countries in the process. The biggest win to come out of a Blue Lock team wouldn't be that they're all Japanese but that they all follow his ideology.

Speaking of his ideology, Ego is extremely harsh and controlling, yes, but he also believes in the boys. He lets them do what they believe is best. He pushes them to their limits, not because they disobey him, but because they dissapoint him. A true fascist dictator would rule with fear with no introductions of other ideologies, he would strike at any sign of weakness or opposition. At the beginning, he does do this. But as the manga goes on we see how much wiggle room he's willing to allow. He lets Isagi curse at him and question his leadership, he lets Shidou play even though he's clearly queer and extremely volatile, he doesn't punish any of the boys for injuring each other. In a fascist society, you are expected to fit an ideal or be othered, be perfect and work together with a sense of comradere because that's the only way to prove your claims that you are the best race/nation. There can be no imperfections or cracks in the facade...But Ego lets the boys be messy. He never forces them to change who they are, only forces them to believe that they can do great things all on their own. Even with Kunigami, Wild Card wasn't a correction of his disbelief in some nation or race, but instead a correction of how limited his mindset was. In fact, in a more fascist society, Kunigami's love of playing hero and protecting his teammates would be praised and celebrated. Ego putting individuality and aspiration over the good of the team as a whole is literally a middle finger to fascism.

The villain of the series is literally a greedy Japanese man that wants to commercialize the team and make them less individualized. I don't know how much more anti-fascist you could get-

Also, Blue Lock handles disability very carefully and very well. In more alt-right ideologies than not, something you'll see again and again is this idea that disabled people don't deserve the same rights because they can't contribute to society. Disabled people are a stain to be pushed away and hidden because they contradict the central idea of a "perfect" nation. In a fascist retelling of BLLK, Chigiri would be kicked from the program, not given power and influence. In a fascist retelling of BLLK, Kenyu would be attacked and beaten as soon as it was discovered that he made it into the top-six with failing eyesight. Any physical disadvantage could easily put an athlete at the bottom of the social hierarchy as well, Blue Lock could have very very easily made fun of its disabled characters for even trying. It could get away with mistreating these players and be defended for it so fucking quickly. But instead, it lets you root for them and gives them just as much care and weight as the others. It's trying to tell you that being a good player sometimes means knowing your limits and getting help, not punishing yourself because you have some biological disadvantage. It also takes care to demonstrate that no race is inherently worse at soccer than the other.

And, of course, the elephant in the room, Noa and Kaiser. Okay...if you see German characters and immediately think OMG NAZIS??OMG FASCISM?????OMGGGG HE HAS BLONDE HAIR???AND BLUE EYES?? That's a fucking you problem and you clearly aren't reading the manga. Even Noa Noel being an older man and still being allowed to play and looked up to as the best is an example of how Blue Lock goes against steriotypes about athletes. Kaiser does have blonde hair and blue eyes yes, but he also wears eyeliner and eyeshadow and has a tattoo and dyed hair... None of that would be allowed in an actually fascist Japanese manga unless it was as caricature to make fun of and dominate. But instead, Kaiser is an actual threat who has complex arcs and behaviors. Also, Kaiser isn't fascist himself, he clearly views Isagi as an equal even though they're different nationalities and he doesn't believe in any one authority or greater cause except for himself. Noa is very strict yes, and he does rank and rate the boys, but he specifically doesn't factor race into it. He also, just like Ego, allows other ideas and patterns to emerge even if they mess up his own plans for matches. He doesn't suppress anyone and is actually extremely lax. If you think he or BLLK is "fascist", look at actual real world sports teams and their strict practices or past statements about other nationalities.

Isagi as a protaganist is anti-fascist too!!!! He's a Japanese everyman who has good Japanese parents, no disabilities, an honest personality and believes in a future where Japan wins the World Cup. In a fascist story, he'd be fucking untouchable (ESPECIALLY against characters from other countries) and all of this would be paraded as proof that a Japanese soccer team is clearly superior and all-dominating. But no! He gets beat down, questioned, disrespected and constantly shown up by others. He's not special and he's extremely self-centered. He doesn't water his own beliefs down for the "good of the nation" or whatever the fuck and he grew up idolizing foreign players. Isagi never supresses other people's ideologies, he just makes fun of them if they fuck up. He's never xenophobic, even when other characters have moments that have xenophobic undertoens like Adam or Sae's comments. Isagi Yoichi's character could have a few traits flipped and be a poster boy for some alt-right manga about how superior Japanese people or hell, Ego's pupils are. But he doesn't. He's simply designed and he's rude and he looks down on people, but he also apologizes, humbly accepts when he can improve by questioning his own ideals and is open to talking with everyone he comes across.

Calling Blue Lock a "fascist soccer manga" is not only demonstrating that you have no idea what fascism is, but also disgustingly painting over all the beautiful themes and messages within the manga.

Again I'm aware that that original video wasn't aiming to negate any of these points but I have seen people make claims and jokes before that about Blue Lock's more *beat it into your head* tendencies with ideology. And I've seen jokes specifically about the German team/the way Sae seems to just hate Japanese culture. I just dislike the painting of Blue Lock as a jumping point for discussions about fascism and its effects because of the way it handles themes like cross cultural connection, family pressures, capitalism and disability so carefully.

[indigovigilance]

Every single minisode is Aziraphale's memory, and why that's [not?] important

There is extensive meta-analysis, my own included, that Before the Beginning is a doctored memory resulting from erasure of Angel!Crowley, and that the trace of him that is left in Aziraphale's memory is the Starmaker, so that this is what we see at the opening of S2. With this foundation of "some scenes are altered memories," we can critically examine the minisodes and see that, in fact, they are ALL Aziraphale's memories that are potentially subject to doctoring.

Evidence (and exploration) below the cut:

A Companion to Owls

The largest part (S2E2 22:10 to 44:00) Book of Job flashback is book-ended by Aziraphale leaning over the physical Book of Job in his bookshop. We enter the memory when Aziraphale enters it, we leave it when he leaves it. Pretty straightforward.

The Ressurrectionists

Similarly, in S2E3, we begin the first flashback to 1827 with Aziraphale's "dear diary" entry. We flash out each time to Aziraphale: in the car to Edinburgh, getting out of the car at the Ressurrectionist Pub, and with Aziraphale staring up at the statue of Gabriel while standing in the graveyard in Edinburgh, respectively for each of the three flashbacks. This all strongly indicates that we've been in his memory.

Nazi Zombie Flesheaters

I didn't even notice until I was doing research for this that basically the entire episode takes place in 1941. From the end of the main title at 5:00 to 37:50, we never come out of the 1941 story. But what is interesting is what bookends this minisode.

Before the main title, Shax has tricked her way into Aziraphale's car and alludes to a time when a rumor started about our ineffable husbands:

Sometime in the last 80 or 90 years I remember hearing that you and Crowley were an item. I didn't believe it then. Not really. Poor old Furfur.

And when we flash back to modern day, we first go to Hell with Shax proposing a full frontal assault on the bookshop, and then we get:

Aziraphale has arrived back in SOHO, and has spent the 8 hour drive reminiscing about what Shax alluded to.

But this part gets even weirder. Because the final line of the episode is:

You're really hosting the meeting? Absolutely! And I can guarantee you: it will be a night to remember!

What this means in context of the 3 memory sequence

This line has been taken by a lot of analysts as a reference to A Night to Remember by Walter Lord, a collection of first person accounts of passengers of the Titanic. Most notably, the thematic ties of this work to the cinematographic design of Good Omens are captured by this quote:

A key to Lord's method is his technique of adopting an unconventional approach to the chronology of the event, "[taking] an imaginative approach to time and space in which hours and minutes prove extremely malleable, the ship itself seems almost infinitely complex, and the disaster assumes order and unity from far away."

Which is an amazing connection, and probably true, in that it was a deliberate reference by the writers. "Malleability of time and space" describes well how this show is put together for us the viewer. But it also illustrates how Aziraphale experiences his relationship with Crowley; skipping over centuries at a time, while dwelling on and protracting intimate moments spent together, create a cohesive whole when viewed from a distance. That whole is their relationship. [Which is about to go down like an unsinkable ship.]

But absent the literary reference, we could even take this line for its literal meaning. Aziraphale is talking about forming new memories, after we have spent the last three episodes living in his memories of times with Crowley that were key to shaping their relationship. This isn't a S1E3-style series of allusions to a furtive, flirtatious, and organically blossoming intimacy; these are rough events where the two are shoved into moral quandaries and forced to make some really difficult decisions that bring them closer together and define "their side." These are core memories, and incredibly precious to Aziraphale. And now, after a few short days in which he has spent a lot of time ruminating on these intense memories, he is embarking upon the task of making another important memory, that is, dancing with Crowley.

Why We Care

Because memories can be altered, all of the information we get from these episodes is subject to a reliable narrator problem. As of the Gabriel trial, we know that memories can be doctored even when the person in question isn't present. Crowley knows that his memories have been removed or altered, and has put painful effort into retrieving them. Aziraphale may not realize that he has suffered the same fate. These memories that he holds so dear might not even be true.

Memory, Identity, and the Relevance of Fidelity

We would probably expect to get some "corrections" to these memories in S3, to see exactly what kind of manipulations our heroes suffered and what that reveals about the motivations of the perpetrators. That's how a paranormal mystery story with a memory manipulation element would normally proceed.

But it will be even more significant if we don't; it would speak to a philosophy-of-self that you are not the product of your objective past, but of what you remember, and so we don't get to know what actually happened because it doesn't matter to informing us about who Aziraphale is.

Aziraphale's love for Crowley springs from what he remembers about their shared past; it doesn't necessarily matter that the memories aren't true, because the love is.

~~~

I realize that I kinda buried the lead, so if you reblog, please tag appropriately? I'm taking suggestions.

If you want to read more on this topic, this meta by @ineffable-suffering is a good place to go.

[shazzeaslightnovels]

86: Eighty-Six

Author: Asato Asato

Illustrator: Shirabi

Mecha Designer: I-IV

Label: Dengeki Bunko

Release Date: 10 February 2017

My Score: 5/5

English Release: Yen-Press is currently publishing this series in English.

I struggled to create a summary for this premise so I'll just use Yen-Press's for volume one: "The Republic of San Magnolia has long been under attack from the neighboring Giadian Empire's army of unmanned drones known as the Legion. After years of painstaking research, the Republic finally developed autonomous drones of their own, turning the one-sided struggle into a war without casualties-or at least, that's what the government claims. In truth, there is no such thing as a bloodless war. Beyond the fortified walls protecting the eighty-five Republic territories lies the "nonexistent" Eighty-Sixth Sector. The young men and women of this forsaken land are branded the Eighty-Six and, stripped of their humanity, pilot the "unmanned" weapons into battle..."

To build up from that summary: the volume focuses on Lena, an officer in San Magnolia, as she becomes in charge of the Spearhead squadron, a squadron of the Eighty-Six. In this squadron is a soldier known as the Undertaker and it's rumored that every handler for this squadron goes insane. Lena is more emphatic to the Eighty-Six than most people of the republic and the volume focuses on her confronting her own biases against the Eighty-Six, and her blossoming relationship with the members of the Spearhead squadron, particularly the undertaker himself, Shin.

I've been wanting to read this series for a long time, but I got scared because I'm not great at reading military fantasy in Japanese, and I heard this one is very difficult to read. The volume was heavily discounted on Bookwalker recently so I decided it was finally time to read it. Thankfully, it wasn't too bad. Yeah, I had a bit of a struggle following some of the battle scenes, but there aren't that many of them and the volume tends to focus more of the human drama then on the battles.

And that human drama element is very well written. I was so invested in the story and the characters, even as I knew how the story would turn out from watching the anime. I'm obviously not an expert, but I feel like this series is one of the better portrayals of fantasy racism in fiction. It shows how racism is systemic and that it is created by people in power wanting to keep their power. The volume does a great job at exploring that.

The prose was also really good, especially during the emotional moments. Honestly, I wasn't too interested in the Shin/Lena romance in the anime, but I understood the appeal here. It is pretty cute to see two people form a connection without ever seeing one another.

I did want to rewatch the anime for this review, but it adapts the volume across 11 episodes and I didn't have time to watch more than the first two. But I do think that it is a really good adaptation that builds on the strengths of the source material. The music is amazing (The Answer has been stuck in my head for the last week), and I appreciate that they added some anime original content, like episodes 10 and 11 (unless these end up being in volume 2 which I doubt). It expanded on the source material in meaningful ways and it's definitely worth the watch.

I'm glad I finally read this volume, because I loved it more than I thought I would. I'm definitely going to be reading more when I get the chance.

[phoneybeatlemania]

Hi :) my friend just sent me a link to a podcast episode called "The Psychology of John Lennon" by Psychology in Seattle. I'm kind of interested but seeing as the episode so awfully long and I have no experience with that podcast idk if it's worth a listen. So I wanted to ask if you have given that one a go and if so what are your thoughts on it? Is it insightful?

P.S.: I love your blog, I really appreciate all the hard work that goes into your posts and they're always so interesting to read!!

Hiya anon!

Thank you for the lovely “PS” message btw — I really appreciate hearing that!! :)

I have listened to this podcast a few times, and I’ve actually recommended this specific episode (which can be found here (x)) quite a bit – so I’m pretty familiar with it! The short answer here is that I would recommend it. It’s a decent illustration of the key arguments concerning a diagnosis for borderline personality disorder, albeit, not a comprehensive one. But id say the host gets the job done, and it’s a good starting point for wider discussion.

The long answer, is that the episode does have a handful of flaws. There were two main issues I recall having with it, the first being that Dr Honda assumes Mimi’s parenting was not in any way problematic or abusive. He discusses Julia’s parenting, establishing it as chaotic, and also discusses Alfred's parenting —or lack thereof, really— and illustrates how both these early abandonments would have affected John. He even mentions an intergenerational aspect to the family-line which I thought was interesting (I’m actually working on whole post dedicated to that topic!). But then he brushes off Mimi’s parenting as “good-enough”, when it evidently had a more substantial impact on John.

In discussing how a borderline personality might have developed for John throughout his childhood, I just don’t believe you can dismiss Mimi in this way, since she was such a pivotal figure in the formation of his personality. Her treatment of him appears to have been emotionally and verbal abusive — and that isn’t a judgement of her, nor is it to say that she didn’t love him (or that he didn’t love her), but simply that if you read the various accounts of her parenting styles, it seems fairly apparent that it is what would be considered abusive today. I do appreciate that John was probably always going to be difficult, and that she had her own issues largely stemming mainly from her father — but these things don’t ultimately dispel the argument that her parenting could be abusive. So essentially, Mimi's needed to be discussed in more depth for this to be a comprehensive outlook on John’s childhood. As well as this, the episode would have been improved had he dedicated more time into discussing the impact of Uncle George and his death.

The second issue I had with the episode, was that the host largely neglects to discuss John’s relationship with Paul. There are parts of the podcast where he does discuss their closeness, but overall it didn’t feel to me as though he had really recognised the depth of this relationship. Im aware that he recently did an episode on Get Back, which I haven’t gotten round to listening to just yet — but I’m interested to see to see if perhaps his perspective has changed/grown.

There are other things in the podcast which I take issue with (for instance, his understanding of the relationship between John and Yoko could be fairly shallow and one-sided), but it seems to me as though these things tended to be more-or-less related to a problematic historiography. I appreciate that Dr Kirk Honda has done dozens of these kinds of episodes, where he analyses the psychology of various celebrities and characters, and offers potential diagnosis’s for them – and therefore, I’m not expecting him to be an absolute expert on John Lennon. When you’re running a podcast which is fairly miscellaneous in its subjects, there’s an extent to which you can research each topic, and so I cant really expect the host to have studied practically Every Single Area of John Lennon’s life. There are things which I would have been more attentive towards — but I’ve dedicated, frankly, an amount of time into researching him which therapists would find concerning (*kidding*…..but not really). Additionally, I would presume that the shows hosts haven’t read most of the biographies in which they gathered their information from with much critical thought, because they’re not The Almighty Great Erin Torkelson-Webber. So effectively, their understanding of John Lennon is going to blindsided by hagiography — an example of this would be when the host cites that John’s mother was killed by a drunk-driver, which contemporary reports would disagree with [EDIT because someone misinterpreted what I wrote here, id like to clarify that Julias death as being a massive trauma for John is not hagiography — I was speaking more to the misunderstanding that she was killed by a drunk-driver, which contemporaneous accounts would disagree with. I realise now that my use of the term hagiography was misguided.]. But I wouldn’t say that this flaw is so much so that it spoils their entire overarching argument, its just a notable blindspot and something to keep in mind when listening to their analysis’s.

On a more positive note, there were merits to this podcast. As a professional psychologist, he is able to offer valuable insights into things such as Janov’s Primal Scream Therapy, and illustrate in laymen’s terms, essentially why its a quack. And despite his arguments being, in my opinion, fundamentally flawed since they neglect to account for two massively crucial figures (Mimi and Paul), he’s still able to conclude with a solid, evidenced argument for John having had BPD.

If you happen to be someone fairly ‘iffy’ about diagnosing (or suggesting diagnosis’s) John with a mental illness—especially something as complicated as borderline personality disorder—id definitely recommend giving this as a listen! You might still conclude that diagnosing him is not the right course of action, or that it has little value, or that its just plain wrong etc. but I still think its a good thing for people to at least understand the arguments here, since I know that in the past when I have mentioned that I think John was a strong candidate for BPD, I am often met with a response telling me that I'm just projecting onto him, which does make me wonder if they’ve really understood the objective outlook in this discussion.

Someday I’ll have to sit down and write up an entire post on all this, collecting the strongest arguments for him having had BPD (and someday I will, I swear!) but for now I’ll just leave you a few other relevant links to this topic:

An overview of the John and BPD argument (x) — @thecoleopterawithana

Exposing the voice of truth: a psychological profile of John Lennon — Deborah Fade (x) + additionally you can read the @anotherkindofmindpod critique of it here (x)

A quote from Lesley Ann-Jones and (a more important) addition from @walkuntilthedaylight (x)

[whatwillyoudodifferently]

Look, Louts! Lilies! - Yuri For A Hope-Flung Present and Hopeful Future

Look, I’ll be frank. I typically try to keep to a more formal tone when I write for this blog. I’m not in a formal mood. It is June October 2020, and I, like the rest of you, have been under quarantine for a little over three almost seven months now due to the Covid-19 virus. Throw in a eensy, teensy bit of massive political movements and change in response to police violence and racism, and an increase of police violence and racism in response to those movements, and I think it’s fair to say it’s been a tumultuous couple of months. Except, strangely, it also hasn’t been, because so much of this time has been characterized by ennui and isolation. Stressful, yet soul-numbing. In short, it’s been a very weird place to be in.

So, we’ve all found our different ways to cope. My sister’s way has been getting really into succulents(?), and my way has been buying digital manga and video games. I’ve finished stuff I’ve put off for literal years and bought stuff I had heard was good but wasn’t that hyped to get into. And somehow, the one thing I’ve really gotten into has been yuri? 

Now, yuri has a very long and rich history, as well as its own sets of conventions and nuances, so it is with a great, great, GREAT deal of respect that I say that I’m going to simplify it for this essay as “Japanese media with a particular focus on romance between women” for brevity’s sake. If you want to know more, there’s actually quite a lot that’s been written about it in English, but I’m aiming this essay at English-speakers who have had at least a little experience with yuri and more than just passing knowledge.

Because you see, I’ve found that yuri fans have a lot of things to say about yuri! And a lot of those things really bug me!! “Yuri is only fetish quasi-porn written by men,” “yuri is only bland wholesome fluff,” “yuri is only high school drama,” so on, so on. It made me mad, but it also made me realize something: a lot of people simply must not know how big this field of lilies truly is! How else can we get people saying “yuri is oversexualized” and “yuri is sexless” as gospel truth? Something’s not adding up here, guys!

So, all that is to say I’m doing something different for this blog: I’m writing up a recommendation list of yuri. A large chunk of it will be stuff I’ve read and can officially give my seal of approval to, while some of them are just titles I’ve heard of that I think will interest others. All of them have been specifically chosen to counter common untrue things I’ve heard about yuri as a whole. I hope you can find at least a few things on this list that you will enjoy and help you keep your head as the encroaching darkness lurches yet a few inches closer!

1. “Yuri is all schoolgirl stuff! Where’s the sci-fi, the period pieces, the action, the fantasy?”

Otherside Picnic

What It Is: A light novel series written by Iori Miyazawa (illustrated by shirakaba). Ongoing, four volumes at time of writing. The story is being adapted into a manga by Eita Mizuno, and an anime adaptation directed by Takuya Satou will be airing in January 2021.

What It’s About: It was on her third trip to the Otherside that Sorawo Kamikoshi almost died, and it was on that same trip she was saved by an angel. Toriko Nishina is a beautiful and confident young woman who also happens to have intimate knowledge of the Otherside, a dangerous yet captivating world that Sorawo can’t help but being drawn to. Toriko convinces Sorawo to join her on her expeditions to the Otherside, fighting off bizarre creatures that have somehow been ripped out of Japanese urban legends and finding strange artifacts in order to make a little extra cash-- all the while keeping an eye out for someone dear to Toriko’s heart.

What I Think: Otherside Picnic is heavily inspired by the novel Roadside Picnic by Arkady and Boris Strugatsky and features several creatures and scenarios from ghost stories, net lore, and-- there’s no other way to put this-- creepypasta. On paper this sounds deeply unoriginal, so it’s pretty surprising that OP has an incredibly strong identity. The idea of fusing horror with a yuri love story excited me enough the moment I heard about it, so when I finally got to read it for myself, I was delighted to find that the horror elements and the romance elements are both quite strong. 

I will say that thanks to the author’s commitment to following his sources of inspiration to the letter sometimes causes him to undercut his own writing (good example: in one arc there’s an ominous train that keeps being mentioned, causing the reader to dread its arrival with each passing page, but seeing what’s on the train will inevitably fall flat in comparison to the reader’s imagination), but those moments are made up by the more original moments-- the things that are left unseen and unexplained.

The place where the story truly shines is the relationship between the two leads. Sorawo and Toriko are great characters, both incredibly charming and deeply flawed, and they achieve a great chemistry with each other right off the bat. Sorawo is a very interesting protagonist, one who turns out to have a deeply tragic past that has made her into a reclusive, somewhat selfish young woman. What’s great is that Toriko, vivacious and confident, everything Sorawo isn’t, accepts this part of her, in a way. Toriko flat out admits she’s not looking for a particularly virtuous person to accompany her, but an “accomplice.” A big part of the appeal of OP is seeing these two “accomplices” bounce off each other, and eventually come to care about each other, all playing against a background of some genuinely spine-crawling horror. Otherside Picnic is a truly underrated series, and I deeply hope that the anime adaption next year will finally get it all the eyes it deserves (menacing phrasing very much intended).

Where To Get It: The light novels are published by J-Novel Club and can be found via various digital platforms and bookstores. The manga will be published by Square Enix Books starting May 2021. The anime will start airing on January 4th, 2021.

Goodbye My Rose Garden

What It Is: A manga by Dr. Pepperco. Three volumes, complete. It inspired a stage play that ran for a while in Japan, but not much information is available about it in English. 

What It’s About: Hanako has two goals: to meet Victor Franks, the mysterious author who pens the books she adores, and to become a writer herself. Despite having the mettle to travel to England on her own to pursue her dreams, she soons finds that it’s difficult for a young, unwed Japanese woman to dream in 20th century London. However, her luck seems to turn around when she meets Alice Douglas, a noblewoman who offers her a job as her maid-- as well as a surprisingly warm friendship. Alice even offers Hanako a way to meet her idol… but at the price of a horrifying request.

What I Think: In the afterword of Volume 1, Dr. Pepperco openly admits that Goodbye, My Rose Garden was the result of them trying to marry all of their favorite tropes (“Victorian maids! Loads of frills! An English family manor!” are some standout items), and this is apparent in the best way possible. GMRG is a lush period piece that will likely appeal to fans of movies like The Handmaiden and Portrait Of A Lady On Fire, with loving attention paid to details like clothes and settings. 

The relationship between Alice and Hanako is quite charming, with Alice supporting Hanako as much as she can while still taking every available opportunity to tease her, while Hanako constantly surprises Alice each time she shows her moxie and strength. It’s an adorable, sweet dynamic, yet a dark, melancholy weight lurks in the background in the form of Alice’s request-- in short, it’s a relationship that feels tailor made for me. Still, I believe this “darkness” never threatens to overwhelm the story, only enhance it in such a way that the reader will soldier on, hoping for a happy ending for our two leads. With an engaging plot and gorgeous art, this is a great manga for both longtime yuri fans and newcomers looking for an introduction to the world of yuri.

Where To Get It: Seven Seas Entertainment has translated the first two volumes, with the final one coming to English soon all three volumes into English.

Seabed

What It Is: A visual novel by paleontology, a Japanese doujin circle.

What It’s About: Mizuno Sachiko is a designer who is haunted by visions of Takako, her vivacious childhood friend and former lover. Narasaki Hibiki is a psychiatrist who wants to help Sachiko make sense of these hallucinations. Takako is… confused, trying to figure out why she keeps losing her memory and why she and Sachiko drifted apart despite being so close. Seabed is a story that spans the pasts and presents of these three women as they attempt to find and understand the truth.

What I Think: At first glance, Seabed seems simple, but it’s a bit of a hard story to explain. In a way, there isn’t much to explain-- it’s a very slow, down-to-earth story that gets almost tedious at times. I think it would be a hard sell to someone who isn’t used to visual novels, but I could imagine it being challenging even for fans. All I’ll say is this: if you give Seabed a chance, it will draw you into a surreal, gentle, melancholy tale akin to slowly sinking beneath the water of a strange, yet not unfriendly sea. For its simplicity, it’s got quite a few surprises in its long, long runtime, and any attempt to explain further will just ruin an experience that’s meant to wash over the reader over time. The only thing I’ll say is the one thing I think everyone knows: the climax will make you cry.

Where To Get It: Seabed is published in English through Fruitbat Factory and is available on Steam, Itch.io, and Nintendo Switch.

SHWD

What It Is: A manga by Sono. Ongoing.

What It’s About: Sawada is one of the few women working for the Special Hazardous Waste Disposal, and the only one in her office. But that changes when the stunningly-strong yet staggeringly-sweet Koga is hired, and the two become close in no time. Sawada trains Koga and soon the two go on their first mission to dispose of the “hazardous waste” left after a recent war… the dangerous, organic anti-human weapons known as the Dynamis.

What I Think: SHWD opens with several close-ups of Sawada’s arm muscles as she works out. I have found that page alone is sometimes enough to convince someone to read SHWD, and if not, pictures of Sawada and-- especially-- Koga are often enough to do the job. In all seriousness, what I love about SHWD can be summarized by something Sono said in an interview about the manga:

‘The first motivating force was "I want to write a yuri manga featuring strong women." I was very drawn to strong female characters by watching "PERSON of INTEREST" and "Assassin's Creed Odyssey." However, I felt that I should differentiate myself by doing something other than a "strong woman" and "weak woman" dynamic. So, I thought about coupling women with different types of strength. This is why all of the SHWD main characters are "strong women."’

It’s a mindset I love a lot. Koga is remarkably strong in a physical sense, but her mental fortitude is fragile due to her past experiences with the Dynamis, and as such, it’s Sawada who uses her immense mental strength to support her. Indeed, every character in SHWD so far bears intense trauma born of the Dynamis in some way, and it’s hard to see how their pasts still hurt them in the present. But that just makes it satisfying to see these women come together to support one another. SHWD drew me in with a unique and often dark action-oriented story with horror elements, but it’s this idea of “strong women” who make up for each other’s weaknesses that really makes it dear to me. 

Also, it can’t be stated enough that Sono is so so so so so (etc) good at drawing muscular women. 

On a completely unrelated note, there’s a side story about Koga and Sawada playing sports together. This includes judo. I am saying this for no reason.

Where To Get It: The English translation of the manga is released in chapters by Lilyka Manga.

Sexiled: My Sexist Party Leader Kicked Me Out, So I Teamed Up With a Mythical Sorceress!

What It Is: A two volume light novel series by Ameko Kaeruda, illustrated by Kazutomo Miya. Possibly complete.

What It’s About: Tanya Artemiciov is an absurdly talented Mage. So why the hell was she kicked out of her adventuring party? Her leader and former friend sums it up in four words: “You’re a woman, Tanya.” In a fit of rage, Tanya channels her anger into a “venting” session that involves swearing her head of and casting a volley of Explosion spells into the wasteland… and accidentally releases a legendary sorceress! Luckily, Laplace is actually quite nice, and just as powerful as the legends say, so the two decide to team up so Tanya can have her revenge!

What I Think: So, this is a silly one, but after a couple of darker entries I think it’s a good palate cleanser. Sexiled is a loud, not-even-remotely subtle, unabashedly feminist take on the “power fantasy” light novel, especially the “revenge fantasy” subgenre-- and even if that sounds awesome on paper to you (ex. me), it will probably feel over-the-top at times to you (ex. me). But in a way, that’s actually kind of its charm. 

I like that Kaeruda utterly refuses to let up on what she wants to tell you, especially because the story was inspired by a real case in Japan. One may be tempted to think “this story is ridiculous, no one would ever be this cartoonishly sexist!” and then you read a news article about how in a famous Japanese medical university was found rigging the test scores of women, and you realize, “oh, people are still this cartoonishly sexist.” So I’m fine with Kaeruda letting it all out in this story. At the same time, I think Sexiled is best when it’s focused not on Tanya’s revenge but on her kindness, and the way her compassion, her strength, and yes, her anger inspires the women and girls around her. 

Sexiled is a fun and often very funny romp about assholes getting theirs, with some surprisingly deep and nuanced moments hiding in a very unsubtle story.

Where To Get It: The light novels are published by J-Novel Club and can be found via various digital platforms and bookstores.

BONUS: Other titles with sci-fi/fantasy/action elements that may interest you!

The Blank Of Describer: A one-shot manga by kkzt about a pair of two dream-builders. They’ve taken all kinds of commissions in the past, but one job they recieve throws them for a loop: a request for a shinigami that can predict and report death. And then comes the kicker: the customer asks the two of them to give it features that the both of them “adore the most…” (Published in English by Lilyka Manga)

A Lily Blooms In Another World: A light novel by Ameko Kaeruda (illustrated by Shio Sakura), author of Sexiled, about Miyako, a Japanese wage slave reincarnated into another world based on her favorite otome game. However, she’s not interested in her would-be love interest, but in Fuuka Hamilton-- the game’s villainess! After Miyako confesses her love, Fuuka decides to give her a challenge: if Miyako can make her say the words “I’m happy” in fourteen days, she’ll stay by her side! (Published in English through J-Novel Club, available on various platforms)

Superwomen In Love: An ongoing manga by sometime about the sentai villainess Honey Trap and her infatuation with the masked superheroine Rapid Rabbit. After being kicked out of her evil organization, Honey Trap decides to team up with her former nemesis to fight evil-- and hopefully, find romance! (To be published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, coming in April 2021)

2. “Yuri is all stories about teenagers! Where’s the stuff about adults?”

Take a look at the previous section: there’s the stuff about adults! Otherside Picnic, Goodbye My Rose Garden, Seabed, SHWD, Sexiled, The Blank of Describer, A Lily Blooms In Another World, and Superwomen In Love are all stories with adult-aged protagonists! But if you’re searching for a more down-to-earth romance, I’m happy to report there’s quite a bit of options to look into!

Still Sick

What It Is: A manga by Akashi. Three volumes, complete.

What It’s About: Makoto Shimizu is an office lady with a secret: she’s a yuri fan who draws doujinshi. She’s able to keep her two lives separate, all until the day she comes face-to-face with her co-worker at a convention! To Makoto’s horror, Akane Maekawa is amused by her nerdy secret, but Akane may have some secrets of her own...

What I Think: This one was a roller coaster for me: I loved the premise of the manga, but wasn’t sure about the dynamic between the leads… that is, until near the end of the first volume, where something happened and everything changed. Without giving too much away, I implore people to give Still Sick a chance-- it has a much deeper story than one might initially guess, as well as an interesting character dynamic between the two leads with some surprising turns.

Where To Get It: The first two volumes of Still Sick are published in English by Tokyopop, with the final one coming soon All three volumes have been published in English by Tokyopop.

After Hours

What It Is: A manga by Yuhta Nishio. Three volumes, complete.

What It’s About: After being ditched by her friend at a club, Emi Ashiana is ready to write the whole night off. All that changes when she meets Kei, a DJ who seems to be everything Emi is not-- cool, confident… employed.... But Kei and Emi hit it off and Emi’s life changes as Kei draws her into the world of Japan’s club scene!

What I Think: It’s hard to explain exactly why I like this manga, but I reeeeally like this manga. 

There’s just something about the sleek art, the amazing atmosphere of the scenes set in nightclubs, the chemistry between Emi and Kei, the focus on more mature topics.... it’s a manga that’s remarkably magnetic for how down-to-earth it is. It’s also just interesting to read stories about subcultures that don’t normally get a spotlight in comics. To sum it up, After Hours is just a lovely manga that’s severely underrated that’s perfect for someone who’s looking for a story that’s both fun and mature.

Where To Get It: All three volumes are published in English by Viz Media.

How Do We Relationship?

What It Is: A manga by Tamifull. Ongoing, five volumes at time of writing.

What It’s About: Miwa and Saeko’s first meeting is… interesting. But despite that, and despite their clashing personalities, the two of them become fast friends. Well… actually, perhaps more than friends. You see, pretty soon the two of them learn that the other is into women. With that in mind, Saeko suggests they try dating each other-- might as well, right? “Might as well” seems like a strange place to begin a relationship, but perhaps even something like that could end in true love?

What I Think: “Why do romances always end when they decide to start dating?!” That’s the question Tamifull poses in the afterword of Volume 1. And it’s a great question! What makes How Do We Relationship? an interesting manga is how oddly realistic it is, highlighting things like the compromises people make in relationships, people who get into relationships for pragmatic reasons rather than love, the whole “thing” about sex… as well as highlighting the additional issues queer people have to deal with. That may sound like a heavy story, but it’s actually quite light-hearted, as well as very, very funny at times. With a cute art style and surprisingly deep premise, HDWR is a great manga for older yuri fans who are craving a more mature story.

Where To Get It: The first volume has been published in English by Viz Media, with more on the way.

BONUS: Other titles with adult protagonists that may interest you!

Even Though We’re Adults: A manga by Takako Shimura about two women in their thirties. Ayano and Akari meet each other in a bar and almost immediately feel a sense of chemistry between them. There’s just one problem: Ayano is married to someone else. (To be published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, coming in January 2021)

Doughnuts Under A Crescent Moon: A manga by Shio Usui. Uno Hinako wants nothing more than to be seen as a normal young woman, but she just can’t seem to make a “normal” romance work. But maybe Sato Asahi, a woman who works at the same company as her, can show her a new kind of normal? (To be published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, coming in February 2021)

Our Teachers Are Dating: A manga by Pikachi Ohi. Hayama Asuka is a gym teacher, Terano Saki is a biology teacher. One day, they come into work both looking suspiciously happy… because they’ve started dating! (Published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment)

I Married My Best Friend To Shut My Parents Up: A one-volume manga by Kodama Naoko. Morimoto is sick and tired about constantly being badgered about finding a man to marry, so her kouhai from her high school days offers a solution: marry each other to make her parents back off! (Published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment)

Now Loading…!: A one-volume manga by Mikan Uji. Takagi has just snagged her dream job at a games publisher, but being put in charge of a mobile game that’s barely pulling in any attention isn’t exactly what she was hoping for. What’s worse, she’s drawn the attention of her strict higher-up Sakurazuki Kaori… who also happened to design her most favorite game of all time?! (Published in English through Seven Seas Entertainment)

3.  “Yuri is all schoolgirl stuff! Where’s- wait, didn’t we already do this one?”

Yes we did. And you know what? I’m making a stand! There’s a lot of really, really good yuri stories set in high schools, and I think more people need to give them a chance! Here are some high school titles that I think are worth a second look for one reason or another!

Bloom Into You

What It Is: A manga by Nakatani Nio. Eight volumes, complete. A twelve episode anime aired in 2018, covering about the first half of the series. A three volume spinoff light novel series written by Hitoma Iruma was also published.

What It’s About: Yuu Koito has long dreamed of the day she’d find That One, Storybook Romance that would make her feel like she was walking on air, but the day that a boy confesses to her, her feet remain firmly planted on the ground. When she meets Touko Nanami, a girl who seems to have the same strange, distant relationship to romance as she does, Yuu feels like she has found a comrade. But what will happen when the next person to confess to Yuu… is Touko?

What I Think: What can I say about Bloom Into You that hasn’t already been said? There’s a reason it’s basically considered a staple of yuri despite being only five years old. The art is beautiful and delicate, the story has a deft mastery of comedy, drama, and romance, and the characters are deeply loveable. Really, the only reason this one is here is to tell you to get to reading this manga (or watching the anime) if you haven’t already. So get to it!

Where To Get It: The entire series-- as well as the spinoff light novel series Regarding Saeki Sayaka-- has been published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment. The anime is currently streaming on HiDive.

Yuri Is My Job

What It Is: A manga by Miman. Ongoing, seven volumes at time of writing.

What It’s About: Hime wants nothing more than to be adored by everyone and to someday bag a rich husband. Of course, being loved by all takes a lot of work, and she prides herself in keeping her perfect, adorable facade so well-maintained. But of course, the one time she slips up, she ends up injuring the manager of a local cafe! Hime finds herself strong-armed into working for this cafe under their star employee, a kind, graceful girl named Mitsuki. But things aren’t quite so simple-- you see, this cafe has a gimmick in which all the employees are constantly acting out yuri-inspired scenes for the customers, so in a way, the employees also have their own facades. And under her facade, Mitsuki… hates Hime’s guts!

What I Think: Yuri Is My Job is an odd duck, but in a good way. It’s advertised and initially framed as a comedy, but it becomes a surprisingly thoughtful drama about the personas people adopt and why they do so (though, luckily, the comedy never truly goes away). There’s an interesting web of relationships between the girls, and having those interactions take place in a setting where they must act out a completely different sort of drama adds an extra level of drama and intrigue. The cute, polished artwork is just the icing on the cake. YIMJ is a good manga for those who are already familiar with yuri tropes and those who are interested in a drama that doesn’t get too heavy.

Where To Get It: Six volumes have been published in English by Kodansha comics, with the seventh on the way.

Riddle Story of Devil

What It Is: A manga written by Yun Kouga and illustrated by Sunao Minakata. Five volumes, complete. A 12 episode anime aired in 2014.

What It’s About: At Myojo Private School, an elite all-girl’s academy, Class Black has a secret. Twelve of the thirteen girls are actually assassins who have been offered a dark deal-- one wish will be granted to whoever manages to kill Haru Ichinose, the thirteenth student. But there’s still hope for Haru in the form of Tokaku Azuma, one of the assassins who has decided to defect to Haru’s side-- and defend her from the other girls at any cost.

What I Think: I’m not sure… if I can say Riddle Story of Devil is “good.” It’s definitely something. Although its premise is vaguely similar to Revolutionary Girl Utena, its tone and atmosphere remind me a lot more of the Dangan Ronpa series. It’s schlocky and ridiculous and often over-the-top and at times exploitative. It’s pure junk food, basically… and I believe that’s where the charm comes from. It’s my guiltiest of guilty pleasures. It may not exactly be good, but more often than not, it’s fun. It’s hard not to be immediately interested in a yuri battle series, you have to admit. 

And if it does have one undeniably good element, it’s Tokaku and Haru’s relationship. They contrast each other nicely, and while one might expect Haru to be boring and helpless, she’s actually quite proactive at times, and some of the most interesting, engaging parts of the series come from seeing how the two work together to fend off the latest assassin. It’s a short read and if anything, it’s worth it to see how each girl ends up. I recommend it for older viewers who are okay with violence and ludicrous battle scenarios.

Where To Get It: All five volumes are available through Seven Seas Entertainment. The anime can be watched through Funimation.*

*Please don’t watch the anime.**

** At the very least, please don’t watch the anime unless you’ve read the entire manga. Riddle Story Of Devil was one of those unfortunate cases where the anime adaption was produced before the manga reached its conclusion, and as such it has a very strange, rushed ending that includes none of what I enjoyed about the actual ending. Several scenes were also changed, and if I recall correctly, fanservice was added in several places where there was none previously. All in all, I’d really only recommend it for big fans of the series.

Side By Side Dreamers

What It Is: A light novel by Iori Miyazawa, illustrated by Akane Malbeni. One volume, complete.

What It’s About: Saya Hokage has been suffering from insomnia, but one day finds relief in the form of Hitsuji Konparu, a strange girl who can put people to sleep. As it turns out, Hitsuji is a person who has the special ability to move freely in their dreams, known as a “Sleepwalker.” The Sleepwalkers have been battling beings that possess people through their dreams, and it turns out they want Saya to join them in the fight.

What I Think: Side By Side Dreamers is short and… well, dreamy. I really enjoyed the premise and I think it’s a good novel for people who think Otherside Picnic may be a little too much for them. I also enjoyed each dream sequence-- I tend to find that the writing in light novels is a little dry, so the use of figurative language to describe these scenes was really refreshing and interesting. SBSD is a fun oneshot that I think is especially ideal for newcomers to yuri.

Where To Get It: Side-by-Side Dreamers is published by J-Novel Club and can be found via various digital platforms and bookstores.

Cocoon Entwined

What It Is: A manga by Yuriko Hara. Three volumes, ongoing.

What It’s About: Hoshimiya Girls' Academy is a strange, almost otherworldly paradise with a peculiar tradition. For all three years, each girl grows out her hair to absurd, breathtaking lengths, in order for it to eventually be cut and weaved into uniforms for future students. Perhaps it is these strange uniforms that seem to whisper about the past that makes the school seem frozen in another time… picturesque, yet stagnant. But one day, a shocking incident shatters the quiet peace of the academy, and the tumultuous feelings that have long been hidden in the hearts of these girls come rushing into the light.

What I Think: Cocoon Entwined is, in a word, eerie. It’s not marketed as a horror story, and I don’t think it’s intended to be one, but I’ve seen some that say they get horror vibes from it. I definitely understand that-- there’s a deep sense of unease that permeates the entire story in a way that’s a bit hard to articulate. The running thread of uniforms made from human hair definitely doesn’t hurt (it does-- I’ve seen many people understandably turned off by this element), but it’s more than that. It’s the sense that everything at Hoshimiya feels frozen and fragile. It’s the sense that everyone is burying their true feelings under countless layers. It’s the fact that in one scene, Saeki reaches out in a dark room full of uniforms and feels her arm touched by countless hands made of hair. 

Cocoon Entwined is a strange manga, and I feel it’s not for everyone-- besides the way many are put off by the central premise, the way that the story jumps around in time can be a bit confusing to follow. But in my opinion, I love it for these elements: the uniforms and their marriage between beauty and grotesque, the sense of frozen time, the delicate artwork that feels like it might be shattered by the weight of your gaze, the strange, airless atmosphere, the girls and their clear exhaustion of having to be ideal women. It’s a strange little series that I think should be given a shot, particularly if you want something a little more out there, or a darker take on Class S tropes.

Where To Get It: Yen Press has currently published two volumes in English.

BONUS: Other high school titles that may interest you!

A Tropical Fish Yearns For Snow: A manga by Makoto Hagino. Konatsu Amano has just moved to a new town by the sea, and must deal with her new school’s mandatory club policy. Luckily, she meets Koyuki Honami, an older girl who runs the Aquarium Club. Recognizing her loneliness, Konatsu decides to join her club. (Published  in English by Viz Media)

Flowers: A four-part series of visual novels published by Innocent Grey. Flowers focuses on Saint Angraecum Academy, a private high school that prides itself on overseeing the growth of proper young ladies. One notable thing about the academy is the Amitié program, a system that pairs students together in order to foster friendships between the girls. But friendship isn’t the only thing blooming… (Available in English from Steam, J-List, and JAST USA)

Adachi And Shimamura: A series of light novels written by Hitoma Iruma and illustrated by Non that has recently received a manga adaptation and an anime adaption. Adachi and Shimamura are two girls who encounter each other one day while cutting class. Little by little, the two girls become a part of each other’s lives, and feelings begin to form. (The light novels are published in English by Seven Seas Entertainment, the anime is licensed by Funimation)

And there we go! 24 different yuri titles. I didn’t even go into the series that I tried but personally didn’t like that still might interest other people. I primarily made this list to gush about yuri that I liked, but I also tried to include a fairly wide range of things so that, hopefully, any random person who read this whole list could find at least one new title that interests them. And I hope that includes you!

The yuri scene is quite large and wonderful if you know where to look, and it too often gets a bad rap. I hope that this list could give you a new perspective on what kinds of titles are available, and I hope it gives you something new to try. And remember: if you want something specific, try looking for it! There’s a good chance the story you’re craving is already out there, waiting to be discovered!

[genshin-hours]

Hi hi! May I please have a romantic genshin match up? I’m a 23 years old, female Aquarius INFP, and an art student, specifically print making. I’m also a textile artist, and my main job atm is embroidery. I also really enjoy illustration, and I’d like to eventually become a tattoo artist. My hobbies include watching anime and playing mobile games. I’m pretty shy at first but won’t shut up once I’m comfortable with someone lol. I can very playfully mean and a tease when I’m in a relationship. Im very very passionate and dedicated to what I love, to the point where I often forget to eat or sleep to finish my projects, but I can otherwise be quite lazy. I have traditional Japanese tattoos, and they all represent fortune and good luck. I really enjoy changing my hair like once a month, and I have 10+ piercings, including stretched ears, guess it really wasn’t a phase mom😤 I really love animals, real and stuffed ones; I actually collect the latter, and despite owning two dogs (who I love more than anything btw!) I’m more of a cat person, I’m friends with all of the kitties in my neighborhood. I’m pretty childish most times and a bit of a cry baby. I struggle with my confidence a lot but I think I’m overall kind, hardworking and patient. I really dislike silence due to childhood trauma so I always need music or videos playing to feel comfortable. I love helping people and making them happy, maybe I’m too much of a people pleaser? I also have attachment issues so there’s that lol. Oh and I’m into guys, sadly djhsjhskjbsm

i match you with...

itto!

a/n: ty for requesting! i hope you like your matchup :]

so, you're probably wondering "why itto"

or maybe you're like "YES" idk but yeah

itto would probably know nothing about embroidery, but because you do it, he wants to know as much as he can

it's difficult for him because his hands aren't very skilled with delicate tasks. but if you make him something, he will 100% wear it all the time and tell everyone "my girlfriend made this for me"

also he thinks your dream to be a tattoo artist is super cool!! he will be your first customer guaranteed

and if you can draw, he will ask you to draw him lmao

if you were both in 2022, itto would play video games with you and really like playing co-op together. he'd also watch anime and give you tons of recommendations. he wants you to share some too.

when you first met, itto thought your shyness was kinda cute. he really likes that you talk more now because he knows it means you're comfy with him :)

also itto can handle your teasing and dish it back, so be prepared. he will stand over you and tell you to give him a kiss, knowing full well you can't reach. at that point he will suggest you get the step stool.

itto is pretty neat with his appearance, so if you don't remember to take care of yourself, he will be on your back about it 24/7. he might even brush/style your hair for you while you eat breakfast or work

also he thinks your passion for what you love is very admirable, and he tells everyone about how dedicated and strong you are secretly

also loves your tattoos. he has a lot of his own markings and tattoos, so he thinks you having them is another thing you guys bond on.

he would definitely get matching tattoos with you if you ever wanted to btw

itto is super particular about his hair, so he likes seeing all of the different styles you can pull off. but you better be taking care of your hair smh.

also likes your piercings and he has some of his own. he thinks they make you look badass!

itto appreciates your love for animals too. he thinks your stuffed animals are pretty cute. he gives them all names (even if you have already) and he names the coolest ones after you two.

also you don't have to worry about silence because with itto there is never a silent moment 💀

itto appreciates that you try to help everyone, but he also wants to make sure you don't burn yourself out. he is more than happy to help you say no politely lmao

oh yeah and attachment issues? you're not getting rid of him. he is glued to your side unless you ask for space. otherwise he is constantly picking you up, sitting by you, laying on your lap, talking to you, taking you on a date, etc.

itto loves you lots and i think he would appreciate everything about you, from your interests to your style!! that's why i think you two would be good together :)

[scarlet--wiccan]

your ideal billy/teddy duo comic (plot, character designs, artists and writers involved etc)

One thing that I've always wanted to see is a comic about Billy and/or Teddy that was produced entirely by mlm creators. Vecchio, Robles and Gracia are all gay artists who've worked with the characters on recent titles, and I'm eager to see more from them. While none of these artists have ever shown the characters in a way that exactly suits my wants, they've each demonstrated a clear personal vision of who Billy and Teddy are that I can respect. I find that Vecchio and Robles, as illustrators, both articulate a gay sensibility in their designs and are able to represent a range of gay identities and expressions with not only dignity, but real love, which is frustratingly hard to come by. Oh, also, Kevin Wada covers, because duh.

Writers are a little bit more difficult for me. I love Anthony Oliviera and I know that he's got a lot of ideas for the characters, so I'd be delighted to see anything that he might pitch. Vecchio also does write, and his creator-owned series, Sereno, is an urban superhero story in a modern fantasy setting-- something he describes as Batman Beyond meets Sailor Moon. Based on that, I think he'd do a great job telling a story about a witch and shapeshifter from New York. I know that Sina doesn't work for Marvel anymore, but I've always wished he could've done Billy and Teddy in a sweet little rom-com miniseries, or even just a single issue special. He's particularly good at writing tender, funny, and just unapologetically gay characters who signal authentic elements of our culture and community without making them cheap or laughable. That is a quality which I find essential for Billy and Teddy, and it's part of why I want more mlm creators to work with them.

If you had asked me this question last year, I would have had an easier time pitching ideas for these characters. I'm eager to see what the future holds for them, but "rulers of an interplanetary nation" was never part of my vision for how Billy and Teddy would be spending their early twenties. I did have this idea for an ongoing series about their "college years", wherein Billy would be studying magic with Wanda and Agatha, and Teddy would work part time with Carol or Alpha Flight while attending community college or learning a trade, like piercing or tattoo artistry. The idea was that they'd often spend time apart, as they'd each be focusing on their own careers and having individual storylines, but they'd always come home to each other at the end of the day and lend each other support, in ways both mundane and super-heroic.

I used to imagine that they'd stay in that nice apartment Sunspot got them, which would act as sort of a crash pad/base of operations for a revolving cast of their friends. They could convert one of the rooms into a magical sanctum for Billy, and another into a study room or art studio for Teddy. Tommy, America, Kate, or whoever could crash on their sofa whenever they're in town or need to do a team-up. Wanda could help Billy ward the apartment so that he and America are the only ones who can portal in and out, but then Loki would find a way to get around the wards and cause trouble, and there'd be a whole dramatic reunion. The whole idea could easily be adapted as a Young Avengers ongoing if you widened the focus from the main couple and treated it as an ensemble piece with individually chunked plot-arcs, much like the original series.

Unfortunately, that idea no longer holds as much water as I'd like because, for one thing, they lost that apartment and never explained why-- it seems like it was passively retconned out in between New Avengers and Death's Head. More importantly, they now live in space, with Teddy being a busy ruler of an interstellar Alliance, and Billy his prince-consort.

I would still like to explore the idea of them pursuing separate goals and working in separate fields while never being truly apart. Empyre introduced a clever plot device wherein Billy is now able to sense Teddy's location and teleport to him instantly, no matter the distance, which, I assume, works in reverse as well. This feat of magic is made possible by their marriage, which binds them symbolically and draws on the power of their love. They can go anywhere and do anything on their own, and still be together again at a moments' notice, which is super romantic and also affords them more flexibility than most superhero couples. I would still pitch a series about Billy doing magic work on Earth while Teddy does diplomacy in space, and one can always warp to the other when they need backup fighting a bad guy. They could even switch back and forth between staying on Teddy's throne-ship, and getting cozy at Billy's little Manhattan apartment when they want to get away from it all.

I guess my final answer is that I want the two of them to be fully realized, individual characters whose love is illustrated through mutual support rather than, like, being glued to each other's hips. The things that I want to see Billy doing are very far removed from the things that I want to see Teddy doing. Superhero characters tend to lose momentum when you marry them off, and superhero couples tend to fizzle when you keep them apart, but Billy and Teddy's unique strength is that they're never truly apart, and their relationship never seems to lose steam-- they've been a pair from the start, and... they're a little obsessed with each other.

The Billy story that I most want to see right now is a full Maximoff team-up. It could go in one of two directions: A) a quest to uncover Natalya's history and finally vanquish the Emerald Warlock, in which they're waylaid by Doom and other magic villains from their past, while teaming up with their magical friends around the world-- basically a sequel to Scarlet Witch; or, B) a showdown with Krakoa and a resolution of their relationship with Erik, which, best case scenario, partially reverses the Axis retcon and proves once and for all that the Maximoffs are mutants. If we got a longer series, we could actually do both plots-- they learn something about Natalya which leads them back to Erik, and the two arcs become a larger story.

The Teddy story that I most want to see is a Guardians-esque space romp with political elements featuring Teddy, Xavin and Noh-Varr as, like, a sexy-alien-boys version of the Gullwings from Final Fantasy X. Does that make sense? I don't have a great grasp on the political landscape of Marvel Space so it's a little hard for me to come up with details, but I know that the status quo has been totally upended, so there are going to be different factions and movements springing up, and likely no shortage of villains and space monsters rearing their heads when the dust of the war has fully settled. Teddy's a monarch now, but he's also been set up as this Arthurian hero-king, so I think there's still room for him to go on adventures and fight his own battles with his magic sword and, maybe, a crew of loyal space knights.

Having said aaaallll of that, I would absolutely die for a full-on fantasy adventure story with Billy and Teddy. I mean, Teddy's a king with a magic sword and his husband is a super-powerful witch. It's gotta happen. I'd actually be into them having a rematch with Mother, who is a pretty adaptable villain, in that her abilities and motives will differ depending on how she's been summoned. I'd also really like them to have a chance to go up against Sequoia directly, and on more even grounds. Quoi is such a great enemy for them because they represent the same generation of Avengers babies, and, actually, Quoi's origins are directly tied to Billy's-- their respective parents had a double wedding together. Sequoia and Teddy's arcs in Empyre paralleled and contrasted each other beautifully, but the two characters had no meaningful interactions. I want to see thems as arch rivals, and maybe, begrudgingly.... friends? Plus, I love that they're both alien princes who live in sci-fi stories, but whose aesthetics and powers are pure fantasy-- Quoi's a dryad wizard and Teddy is King Arthur, if King Arthur was a gay anthropomorphic dragon.

Anyways, that's my Wiccan+Hulkling pitch. The first arc is Billy and Teddy facing off against Sequoia in a magic forest that he's grown on his new planet, only to find out that they've been set up by Mother.

In the second arc, the three of them grudgingly team up against Mother while hashing out their shared backstories and giving Quoi, who's literally never had peers to relate to, a chance to fully come to grips with the way he was conditioned and manipulated by his father. Instead of conjuring dead parents, Mother seems to be able to summon dead children, which makes her particularly dangerous around the Cotati, Kree and Skrull, who've just emerged from a war and have countless recent dead.

In the third arc, Mother has freed R'kll and they've set their sights on Earth. Billy heads out with America and Tommy to ask Loki for advice on defeating her, while Teddy brings Sequoia before the Avengers as his charge in order to ensure that Quoi receives provisional immunity.

Loki is able to provide insight on how Mother might have been summoned and what the parameters might be for breaking the spell that's tethering her to Earth-616. It turns out that Mother is essentially holding Anelle's soul hostage and has been appearing to R'kll in her form. Mother's hold, at this point, has spread to the entire Alliance, and Teddy will have to defeat her or else she'll use it to destroy Earth and decimate his nation in the process.

Teddy recruits Wanda to help face Mother down. (side note, I'm desperate to see more of their relationship as in-laws.) Wanda agrees to work with Sequoia but insists on calling Mantis and making them talk.

The final showdown is the three boys, plus Wanda and Mantis, against Mother, R'kll, and an army of dead alien soldiers. Mantis and Wanda are able to pull Anelle's soul from Mother's grasp, but this doesn't banish her-- Mother's true anchor was R'kll, who'd been carrying Anelle's ghost in her heart ever since the destruction of Tarnax.

R'kll believes that she's always acted in the best interest of her nation, and she thought that bringing back Teddy's mother would finally make him see her way. Anelle and Teddy have a tearful reunion, but he admits that the only mother he's really mourned was the woman who raised him.

Wanda, Mantis, and Anelle, as a trio of mothers united with their lost sons, are able to reverse and seal Mother's power, which was based on lost children. They are not able to banish her, however, until R'kll steps forward and sacrifices herself, believing now that the best she can do for her nation is to rid the Alliance of the curse she brought upon it.

R'kll and Anelle begin to dissipate, but R'kll's sacrifice has called forth the spirit of Mrs. Altman, who is finally granted some closure and dignity in death by getting a chance to see how far Teddy's come and the peace that he's built in her memory.

Lots of crying! I made this sad. I'm sorry.

[mediaevalmusereads]

When A Scot Ties the Knot. By Tessa Dare. New York: Avon Books, 2015.

Rating: 3/5 stars

Genre: historical romance

Part of a Series? Yes, Castles Ever After #3

Summary: On the cusp of her first London season, Miss Madeline Gracechurch was shyly pretty and talented with a drawing pencil, but hopelessly awkward with gentlemen. She was certain to be a dismal failure on the London marriage mart. So Maddie did what generations of shy, awkward young ladies have done: she invented a sweetheart. A Scottish sweetheart. One who was handsome and honorable and devoted to her, but conveniently never around. Maddie poured her heart into writing the imaginary Captain MacKenzie letter after letter … and by pretending to be devastated when he was (not really) killed in battle, she managed to avoid the pressures of London society entirely. Until years later, when this kilted Highland lover of her imaginings shows up in the flesh. The real Captain Logan MacKenzie arrives on her doorstep—handsome as anything, but not entirely honorable. He’s wounded, jaded, in possession of her letters… and ready to make good on every promise Maddie never expected to keep.

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: graphic sexual content, blood, violence

Overview: I came across this book while doing research for a blog post on Scottish fetishization in romance. While writing the post, I encountered YouTuber Jean Bookishthoughts’s video “ An Actual Scot Reads Highlander Romances,” and she gave this novel a fairly positive review. So I decided “why not? I’ve got nothing better to do.” Overall, the premise of this book was really enticing - the idea of a woman writing letters to a fictional sweetheart only to have a flesh-and-blood man show up at her door is quite the setup. I also think Dare does a good job of writing humor and moving the narrative along. But I ultimately couldn’t give this book more than 3 stars for a number of reasons: for one, the main crux of the plot felt like it could have been a bit more robust. Two, I didn’t find Logan to be a very interesting character. And three, some of the random “Highlander” references felt cheesy.

Writing: Dare writes prose that is quick, witty, and humorous. I very much enjoyed the jokes and the banter between our protagonists, and I appreciated that Dare didn’t get bogged down in some of the details of day-to-day life. If I had any criticisms, it would be that I think Dare moves almost too quickly at times. Some of the more emotional moments could have used some room to breathe or some more description of how the characters’ emotions are faring. But it wasn’t so bad that I felt like I was being rushed through the novel. Another way of putting is may be that sometimes Dare told where she could have shown, but the balance of telling vs showing didn’t feel egregiously off.

Plot: This plot mainly follows our heroine, Maddie, and our hero, Logan, as they try to work out an agreement. Maddie, in the attempt to avoid going on the marriage mart, invented a sweetheart at age 16 and wrote letters to a “fictional” Scottish captain in the army for years. Unbeknownst to her, the letters were actually being received by Logan, and when he and his men come home from the war, Logan is determined to marry Maddie in order to get her land in Invernesshire.

Personally, I found this setup to be quite intriguing and whimsical. I liked the embarrassment that arose from Maddie’s letters actually being received and read. I liked that Logan secretly looked forward to the letters from a stranger. I even liked the dilemma of negotiating a marriage of convenience. But I think where this plot fell apart for me was the whole challenge of consummating the marriage. Logan and Maddie agree to marry and live separate lives (it’s early on, so this isn’t really a spoiler), but Logan is adamant about consummating the marriage so that there’s no possibility of an annulment. Maddie, for her part, wants to avoid consummating the marriage because she finds that marriage will threaten her career prospects; as an illustrator, she finds that men will not hire her for work if they think household or parenting duties will interrupt her work schedule. To be completely honest, this challenge was quite good; I thought there was a real opportunity here for Dare to explore the sexist challenges women face in the workplace. Where I thought the challenge was weak was in the whole obsession with consummation. Unless there was such hostility between the Scottish and the English that an Englishwoman’s word would always be taken over a Scotsman’s, I found the question of “did they actually have sex or not” to be quite trivial. From what I know, annulments were notoriously difficult to obtain, so it wouldn’t matter much if Maddie and Logan had consummated the marriage. It seems like Logan could just say they did and an annulment would be near impossible. Nor do I think the law would care much if they only had non-penetrative sex. It seems like the whole plot hinging on whether or not they had “real sex” was a non-issue for me.

Instead, I would have liked to see more conflict in Maddie between balancing her desires for romance and a family with her career aspirations. Once Logan enters the picture, it seems like her career takes a backseat (except for a couple of scenes), and I would have rather seen it be more front and center. Either that or I think Maddie’s story could have mirrored her aunt’s more closely. Maddie’s Aunt Thea was long ago caught up in a scandal that ruined her, but later, Thea reveals that she had enjoyed the freedom. I think having Maddie be independent and struggle with the idea of being “tied down” by marriage could have also been good, and while there’s a little of that, I think it could have been more apparent to the reader.

In terms of small-scale narrative points, I think a lot of the scenes Dare writes are very funny and entertaining. I liked, for instance, the scene where Maddie falls into a bog, or when Maddie shows kindness to Logan’s friend, Grant. The scenes that truly did bother me, however, were some of the more “fluffy” ones that were a bit too cheesy for my tastes. For example, there’s a scene in which Maddie finds Logan reading Pride and Prejudice and he’s wearing spectacles. She makes a big deal about him being a reader and I had to roll my eyes. There’s also a scene towards the end in which Maddie attempts to make haggis, and I hated it because it felt like it was inserted so Dare could check off a “Scottishism” in a list. Tartan? Check. Brogue? Check. Haggis? Check. The scene also erupted in random violence, too, which felt out-of-place and inserted for pointless drama towards the end of the novel.

But I will admit, I did like the scenes that were very self-aware about what Dare was doing. For example, there’s a scene in which Logan is debating about what to do to get Maddie into bed. His friends give him suggestions like “offer your heart to her on a platter” or “throw in a lot of oochs and bonny lasses when you speak” or “dive into the loch and have her go looking for you. Then, when she’s found you, pretend you don’t notice her and have her watch you bathe for a while. Then emerge from the lock all dripping wet.” This self-awareness was a nice stab at romance cliches, though I wish Dare had done a better job herself at avoiding them.

Characters: Maddie, our heroine, is fairly likeable in that she’s bookish, generous, and a bit clumsy at times. I liked that there was a juxtaposition between her confidence and her social anxiety: while she wasn’t afraid to assert herself in some situations, big crowds made her nervous, and I think navigating those two scenarios made for some interesting characterization. The main thing I didn’t like about Maddie was how quickly she seemed to give up her career ambitions for Logan. There’s a point where she has to make a choice between letting Logan go and following her dreams, and she claims that she’s choosing Logan even though the choice is really made for her based on sexist norms of the day. I would have liked to see her wrestle with her ambitions a little more.

Logan, our hero, has some admirable qualities, but in the end, I found him rather uninteresting. He’s your basic roguish Scotsman with a tragic past, and though I liked the loyalty he showed to his men, I ultimately though he was a little too jealous and a little too used to his orders being obeyed. I would have liked to see him be a little less dictatorial so that his romantic appeal would shine through a bit more brightly.

Side characters are charming but, in my opinion, underutilized. I liked all of Logan’s army buddies and appreciated that all of them had disabilities in some way (and those disabilities were important but didn’t define them). I really appreciated Maddie’s relationship with Grant, the soldier whose memory resets every hour or so. She was kind to him and he was sweet to her; I just didn’t think his random violent outburst towards the end was necessary or in-character. Maddie’s Aunt Thea could have also been used more effectively, but I did like that Thea had this quirk of making a lot of cosmetics and remedies that were, ultimately, rubbish. It was charming.

Romance: Logan and Maddie’s romance was... ok. The premise started out really interesting, but over time, I lost some enthusiasm because I felt like I was being told that they had feelings for each other (rather than being shown). Sure, Logan does some things that challenge Maddie’s assumptions and vice versa, but I wanted them to have a stronger basis for a romance than just “they’re hot and I’m horny oh wait they were nice to me and aren’t exactly what I expected.” Part of the reason I wasn’t super enthused might also be the focus on sex and sexual attraction as well as Maddie feeling pity for Logan on account of his past. I prefer romances where the focus is on each person lifting the other up emotionally, and while there was a little of that, I think I would have liked to see it be more of a centerpiece within the plot.

TL;DR: When a Scot Ties the Knot is a funny, light, historical romance, but ultimately doesn’t have a “meaty” enough plot for my personal tastes. Some readers might enjoy the banter and the heroine’s determination, while others might be turned off by the cheesiness and lack of a complex hero.

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

Sorry if I’m rude, but I really don’t get the Ugetsu hype at all 😕, would you mind explaining it please, I would like to widen my perception of him

Hello, dear anon!

First of all, I’m so sorry for keeping your ask waiting for so long. You would think that as an Ugetsu fan, I would have been jumping up and down because of this question - and don’t get me wrong, I am excited. But much like with my previous Given ask, I found myself a bit puzzled by what to say, to be honest. Turned out this wasn’t as “simple” of a question as I originally thought. 

Secondly, don’t worry, your question isn’t rude. On the contrary, I think it’s admirable if you want to try to understand someone else’s bias and interests. It doesn’t mean you will start liking and being passionate about the same things, but I think it’s always welcomed to ask people why they like something. I’m not expecting you to start liking Ugetsu after reading how I feel about him, but your attitude is something I think we desperately need more of in this fandom.

“I really don’t get the Ugetsu hype at all 😕, would you mind explaining it please”

It’s interesting to me that you speak of “Ugetsu hype”. According to my time in the Given fandon, Ugetsu does have fans but he is probably one of the least liked characters. My gut feeling says that out of the main cast (Uenoyama, Mafuyu, Akihiko, Haruki, Ugetsu), Ugetsu is definitely the least liked among the fans. So, I can’t say I have witnessed any “hype” regarding him. Apart from a couple of hardcore Ugetsu stans, the closest to “hype” I have seen is people wishing he would find happiness after he and Akihiko broke up.

Also, I don’t think I can really “explain” anything either. Certainly not as some kind of fandom phenomenon. I can only speak for myself and myself only. The reasons why I love Ugetsu might not be why some other fans love him. I think that’s important to remember whenever talking about favorite characters/ships in general. We can never know why someone loves something, so I don’t think we should judge anyone on a personal level for liking something in fiction.

To give my answer some structure, I thought I would use some of my favorite Ugetsu illustrations. 

His character design and overall “vibe”:

As a reader/viewer/fan, I am more often than not interested in the somehow controversial characters and they usually end up becoming my favorites. Gotou Masamune (3-gatsu no lion), She Li (19 Days), Sing Soo-Ling (Banana Fish), Bakugou Katsuki (Boku no Hero Academia), Joker (DC Comics), Oikawa Tooru (Haikyuu), Severus Snape and Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter), and Oh Sangwoo (Killing Stalking) to name a few. I have always connected more with the antagonists and found them more interesting.

So, with a track record like that, I wasn’t surprised when my heart made a beeline to Ugetsu’s character. To me, it was pretty much love at first sight. I was instantly drawn to him: dark, sensual, and beautiful. In the anime, I absolutely loved his character’s mischievous and playful voice acting.

Ugetsu had an aura of solitude and distance to him, but he was also needy and affectionate in his own way. His frankness and mischief seemed to work as defense and yet he was also surprisingly vulnerable and even afraid. In many ways, he was like a cat who are often misunderstood as assholes when there is also a lot of character, affection, and intimacy packed in them.

Kizu’s choice of instrument for Ugetsu also fascinated me. To me, the violin is one of the most beautiful and intricate instruments, and it fits Ugetsu’s character perfectly. It's elegant, incredibly difficult, and kind of temperamental. The violin is sorrowful, seductive, and possesses loads of charisma. It sounds beautiful on its own though the more solitary it is, the more lonely it sounds. But it can also be a light, playful and mischievous sound, bouncing and chasing in the air. In either case, the violin won't allow itself to be ignored. 

To pair Ugetsu with the classical violin especially was also great. First of all, learning the violin on the level of becoming a soloist requires incredible discipline, dedication, and passion. Violin is a very unforgiving instrument, but it also gives you freedom. Things like intonation and phrasing are where a talent like a soloist could shine and express themselves. I think that kind of combination of disciplined precision and expressive freedom fits Ugetsu so, so well.

His softer and more vulnerable side:

I often see comments that Ugetsu didn’t really love Akihiko or care about him. Some readers think he was selfish, heartless, and abusive/toxic towards Akihiko in their relationship. And they feel sorry for anyone who later ends up in a relationship with him. To some people, Ugetsu came across as the lowest of low in his time with Akihiko.

Now, I am not going to try and claim that Ugetsu didn’t hurt Akihiko. He most certainly did, oftentimes knowingly when he was trying to push him away. Their relationship was no doubt turbulent and painful for both of them, and I’m sure they will both be happier now freed of their cycle. Even though I am an Ugetsu fan, I don’t want to make it sound like he couldn’t have done a lot of things differently.

However, I also see some parts of myself in Ugetsu. I relate to his certain type of uneasiness when it comes to letting someone/something occupy my priorities. It makes me restless and defensive easily, and I end up rejecting that someone/something which often comes across as being cold. That was an important part of why Ugetsu originally wanted to break up with Akihiko. His love for Akihiko grew so deep it posed as a “threat” to Ugetsu’s sense of “order” when it came to his passion for music. Despite of how their relationship ended, I don’t agree that Ugetsu is somehow incapable of loving someone, it just scares him and is something he needs to figure out for himself. Also, because I somewhat relate to Ugetsu in this sense, it kind of stings when people are so eager to proclaim that his kinds of people don’t deserve someone to love them.

I also believe Ugetsu cared about Akihiko and was worried about him. He did notice Akihiko had started to lose his passion for music and in a way, was giving up on himself. He wanted Akihiko to find his “trigger” again somehow. I have also read interpretations that Ugetsu probably felt guilty about how their relationship seemed to affect Akihiko’s drive. I think that’s an interesting point. Overall, it’s important to remember that partly why Ugetsu initially wanted to break up was to also “free” Akihiko from his suffering. I don’t think that is something that a heartless character would do.

I do think Ugetsu was happy with Akihiko in many ways, but it’s not his style to be flustered and lovey-dovey about it. Which is another thing I find myself somewhat relating to. Instead of being super romantic, I think Ugetsu shows his love and happiness by being clingy, playful/mischievous, and letting someone in his space both mentally and physically (by this, I don’t mean just sleeping with someone but actually letting them see him as a private person). Despite of the lack of proper communication being one of the problems in AkiUgetsu, I think Akihiko was one of the few people who really knew Ugetsu.

AkiUgetsu as roommates:

The beautiful coloring of the panel is by o_yang_o on Twitter.

I think it’s safe to say that most of the Ugetsu-hate stems from his time of being roommates with Akihiko. It was a very dark time for both of them despite the occasional islands of reminiscencing the good parts of their relationship. Ugetsu hurt Akihiko in many ways during that time and realized his behavior was hurting him.

But I think people often forget that Ugetsu was unhappy and hurting, too. Of course, it doesn’t excuse his actions but it explains them. Letting go of Akihiko was just as hard - if not harder - for Ugetsu as letting go of Ugetsu was for Akihiko. In his incapability of cutting the relationship off, Ugetsu resorted in trying to push Akihiko away by hurting him, but Akihiko wouldn’t give up on him. So, his actions didn’t come from some deep-rooted evil but rather being in pain and scared. He wanted the suffering to end but at the same, he couldn’t picture Akihiko not coming back and was terrified of everything, even the music, disappearing in the basement if Akihiko did leave him. 

I think the breakdown Ugetsu had when Akihiko finally broke up with him was telling of how difficult taking that last step had been for Ugetsu as well. He was scared of letting go and being let go of because surely nothing would be left behind. It’s true that it was Ugetsu who originally wanted to break up, but it was Akihiko who needed to walk away first when it finally came down to it. I think Ugetsu’s reaction spoke volumes of how deep his feelings for Akihiko truly ran. In short, AkiUgetsu ended up in a bad and painful direction, but I most definitely believe Ugetsu overall is capable of loving someone and he has a caring/affectionate side to him as well.

Overall, what I love about Ugetsu is his complexity and layers. You need to see deeper than his behavior to see his character as a whole. He’s not innocent and has many flaws, but he’s also not the cold and distant human monster he’s sometimes made out to be. I think Kizu put a lot of care and effort into building his character and did a beautiful job.

Liking a character like Ugetsu ultimately comes down to personal taste and preferences. I can understand that he’s not everyone’s cup of tea or if he evokes negative feelings. But I don’t think it’s fair to see some characters in a black-and-white manner if you’re at the same time making an effort to see behind some other character’s behavior. You don’t have to like every character and you can have biases, but if you catch yourself knowingly ignoring something, your reading probably isn’t the most accurate. A “lesson” I came to realize in my journey with AkiHaru.

Thank you for your question and patience, dear anon!

[holycow99]

石田お寿司 12/9/21 stream translation Part 12

This is not the full translation of the stream. I only translated the parts I could understand & interpret or parts I found interesting/important. I’m still a beginner in Japanese, so the translations may not be accurate. If you want to repost, please repost at your own risk.

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(t/n: ** means translation may not be accurate.)

C: From your perspective, are editors someone who nurture (mangakas)? Are they gonna continue to be a presence who shape a part of you?

I: Nurturing? I don’t even aware of it at all. I think that applies to each other. I think both shape a part of each other as the relationship deepens. The editor gives feedback and the writer fixes the story based on the feedback. That’s how a work is created. I think both are shaping a part of one another. The writer and the editor becomes that kind of existence to each other and that’s how they both grow and change on their own accord. I don’t think they help writers grow though. To me, helping a human to grow is presumptuous/stupid.

(t/n: The word ‘okagamashii’ means both presumptuous and stupid. I’m not sure which one of them was he referring to in this context. You can interpret it as you like.)

I: Is the next Choujin X gonna be release soon?

I: Yeah. I forgot how to draw it in the middle of drawing the draft, so it took me some time.

*Ishida mentioned that he’s finding time to do both choujin x and animal rap, as well as drawing JJ’s illustrations.

C: I’m happy there’s a lot of streaming videos lately.

I: There’s not a lot lately, since I went away for a while. Maybe the duration was actually shorter than I thought it was.

C: Let’s stream until noon.

I: Well…it depends on the situation. I do think of that. I can’t help but do my work during streaming. Just like what I’m doing currently. If I play games, I’ll just play and then when it’s over, I can just end the stream. But when I’m doing my work, I don’t know when I should end it. I’ve no choice but to finish my work. In other words, I’ll be streaming until I’m done with my manuscript. For me, doing that is good because my work can progress. It’s like I’m being monitored. For a period of time, OPM’s artist, Murata sensei did that before but he quit for few reasons. I think it’s good to feel like you’re being monitored. Hamada Yoshikasu sensei did that as well. He pretty much streamed him working everyday. I’m not sure whether he’s still doing it.

C: Do stream every night.

I: That’s a bit…This is also difficult for me to do. I like making plans on what I should do. For example, “what I should do for this and that day?” or “what if I do this with this pace?”, but to actually follow the plan is hard. You’d feel lazy on the very day you had a plan. People who thoroughly follow their plans are admirable, aren’t they? It’s not like I have the need to follow it. But then, I wish to be able to do that.

C: If you get bored drawing the background, I want you to stream while you’re working on it even if it’s on irregular basis.

I: For the background, I must finish doing them all at once, if not it’ll take a few days. There’s a limit to what kind of work I can stream. I don’t want really wanna show me working on the latest chapter. It’s the latest chapter, after all. I’ll show the chapter after I’ve drawn it properly. This one is basically me fixing the chapter 2, so it’s fine.

C: It’ll be nice if there’s a notice before the stream on the day itself.

I: I see. It’ll be easier to watch if there’s a notice. You can arrange your time. But then, it depends on my mood. I‘d feel sorry if I suddenly don’t wanna stream, but you guys are already excitedly waiting for it. So, I’ll just do it randomly.

C: I can prepare some sweets if there’s a notice beforehand.

I: Well…Maybe I’ll at least give notice on that very day. If I really wanna stream, then I might let you guys know beforehand.

I: The 30,000 commemoration. I might not do anything for it. But I’ll keep that as a memory. Even someone like me can have that amount of subscribers with this kind of content. I’m thankful for that.

C: I turn on my notification, so it doesn’t matter if you tell us beforehand or not.

I: Oh, really? Then, I’ll do it as I like. It’s better If there’s a notice. Well, I’ll do it if I feel like it.

C: This is random, but I only turned on your tweet notification.  

I: Sometimes, I forgot to update on my twitter though. I update it when I’m streaming.

C: 30,000 subscribers is amazing! It’s more than the number of people in my home town.

I: That’s true. If you think about it that way, then 30,000 is amazing.

*Someone wanted Ishida to stream the drawing of the Choujin X’s volume’s cover, but he said it’ll be hard to do that.

C: For me, I like for the cover to be a surprise.

I: Hm…I probably think so too.

I: For me, regarding choujin x, I want everything about it, such as the drafts, to be a secret. If I got to do another manga, then I might…ah, but that probably wouldn’t be possible due to my personality. I do kinda want to be monitored when I’m drawing difficult stuffs. It seems to be efficient for me that way. It could make me feel motivated if you guys watching me draw them.

*The adult comment came back.

I: Can I do something about it? It’s probably just random comments. Report or timeout? What’s timeout for? Should I try time it out this time? Did it time out?

*The comment finally gone. It’s troublesome though. I have to do something about the comment every single time. I should leave it to the dark moderator.

I: It did!

*Ishida mentioned that he’d timeout this one fan if they commented something unpleasant.

C: That could be a reward itself.

I: What? Me banning that person? That’s already a stalker attitude. You mean it’s because I noticed them, right? There must be such people. But what a pitiful person if that’s the only way for them to be noticed by others. Doing what the other party dislikes, then seeing their unpleasant reaction. Being happy just by the fact that the other party reacted to them is already a lost cause. Don’t wanna be that kind of person, right?

C: It’s amazing how you can have a phone call with someone everyday.

I: It depends on the occasion. Like when you really feel the need to talk or when you’re having a tough time. I too had times when I randomly just called someone because I couldn’t concentrate working. When I thought it’d be good for me to work while conversing, then I’d call someone. But the other person also has their own life, if this happens continuously, even if they say okay, they must be actually enduring it. I mostly speak to my work-related friend.

C: Being a mangaka is a lonely job, isn’t it?

I: Yeah, you’re right. This is also another difficult issue. It might get harder to confront my work if I spend more time with others. So, especially, recently, I tried to get myself more motivated. I’ve isolated myself around until the end of summer, but as I thought, working with people is easier for me, mentally speaking. I have somebody to listen to me and I feel less pressured, that is, they give me some kind of advice and I can apply them.

C: Do you consult with the editor in charge when you’re at loss?

I: I think I do. I did consult with Mr. Matsuo at the beginning. But then, I think it’s important to resolve your problems on your own. I do think I have a lot of people I can consult with, and that’s totally fine, but I don’t want to do that. I want to find the answers that I’m completely satisfied with by myself. So, I hold myself back from seeking others’ advice. I did ask Ms. Towada about stuffs on JJ when I had some questions since she gave good answers.

I: Well, I wanna work on this manga randomly. And by ‘random’, I don’t mean sloppily. I wanna work on this manga in a way that’s appropriate for both the work and I. So, I thought it’d be better for me to seek less advice or opinions from others. I’ll do differently if this way isn’t working.

C: You’re a wise person.

I: Obviously. Hahaha. Of course. It’s because I keep thinking about things like this. I hope you find my words useful.

*He then mentioned that he preferred the way of doing things randomly, but it might not be suitable for certain people. However, it’s okay to seek advice.

*Ishida recalling the conversation he had with Ms. Towada regarding Hoshi Sandek.

I: “Hoshi and Arima look similar, right?”.

T: “Have you seen how Arima Kishou looks like?”.

I: “Yes, I have… They look similar, right?”

T: “You mean their characters’ overlapped?”

I: “Not that.”

T: “Hmm….”

I: Hahaha. What do you guys think? Do Sandek and Arima look similar?

C: Are you a TG bandwagon fan?

I: Hahaha. I might’ve never read it properly. But I legit did read TG recently. I’m not kidding. I took a look at it again. I’m thinking of accepting TG. It’s not that I don’t. I wanna accept it more. All said and done, I’m really glad I wrote TG. It’s good that I have something to leave behind. It’s definitely a good thing.

C: Have you ever played Red Dead Redemption 2? (comment in eng.)

I: Like I said, short time. Short time? Little time. (Speaking in eng) I wanna play it though. I wanna play more, but I’ve no time. Too busy.

C: I think Hoshi is actually what Sui looks like. (comment in eng.)

I: She’s saying Hoshi looks similar to me. Are you kidding me?

*Ishida looking for another page to draw.

I: Please take a look at this version of the chapter in the magazine. This will be in the comic as well, probably. They’re both the same.

C: Sensei, are you gonna sleep after this?

I: Nope. I’ll probably check whether Hitman’s already downloaded after I end the stream. After that, I’ll eat and then finish up my upcoming work. I need to add colour for the pages. And I kinda wanna draw an illustration. Have you guys seen Itaewon Class on Netflix? It’s from a Korean webtoon. It’s been made into a drama and I was super addicted to it.

C: Park Saeroyi? (The name of the drama’s mc)

I: Yes. That one. He’s really cool. That hairstyle. I wanna draw Park Saeroyi, if can. There’s this sassy kinda girl in the story, right? That girl is a total beauty. Yi Seo. (t/n: Yi Seo is the FL’s name.)

I: I wanna draw real humans. I’ve been drawing them lately, not that it’s a problem, since I’ve been drawing manga only.

C: She is pretty!!

I: I know right. She’s gorgeous.

I: I read a little bit of the original work, and it pretty much the same as the drama, so I thought the original work was amazing. But then, the Japanese version changed it into Roppongi Class. It’s a different vibe… Does it really matter if it’s in Itaewon? They changed it to suit Japanese readers. Was it the Line Manga or was it not? I don’t remember, but they did that. Just let it be in Itaewon or Korea. I was like “Don’t f*** with me!”.

C: Marunouchi Class.

I: Haha. I’m drawing that. Marunouchi Class. (t/n: Marunouchi is a commercial district in Tokyo.)

I: Itaewon is better. There’s no such place in Roppongi. I’m not familiar with Roppongi though. It may have places like this, but it’s better to showcase the vibes of Korea. Itaewon is a place packed with foreigner. It’s a miscellaneous street. It’s close to Roppongi now that I’ve put it that way. But still…Those who subscribe to Netflix, I recommend you to watch Itaewon Class. They only shot scenes that were important, so it’s really easy to follow the story. Such a beautiful drama. There were quite a lot of cliché moments, but there were also some unexpected twists in those moments, so it pulled you in. Korean entertainment is far ahead.

*The assistant guy finally went to sleep.

I: Oh, you’re gonna sleep now? You definitely can’t oversleep. Don’t mention my name as well. Haha. Do your best as an assistant. Okay, after he left, everyone takes a screenshot. I’m gonna send it to his boss.

C: Sensei, do you read the manga “This is Good”?

I: I don’t. Is it an ecchi manga? Is it the one in Tonari Young Jump? Is it the one with beautiful drawing probably? I wanna try reading it. I need to cultivate (?) and boost the popularity of Tonari Young Jump. I’d like to take on that mission.

I: Has Mr. assistant slept already?

C: I won’t sleep then.

I: It’s okay 2x. Please sleep. Don’t worry 2x. Nothing’s gonna happen. If you’re worried, you can watch it later.

I: I just thought of the number 1 prank he shouldn’t do. I wanted to ask him to draw shit on the manuscript. I wanted him to leave my mark on the background. But that’s definitely a no-no. It’ll be a problem. However, that kind of assistants do exist. Not a lot, but there are assistants that play around.

Part 13

[mwolf0epsilon]

For the Post Studio AU, what was the hardest part of escaping the studio? For everyone? Like, recovery wise, what's the hardest part for the inky Joey Drew Studios crew?

Oof, where to start with this one... I'm gonna set a few exceptions aside that didn't end up in the Cycle but that were still affected by the studio's descent into madness.

Henry Stein - Being a war veteran Henry was already dealing with PTSD and his old injuries, so being stuck in the studio for five long years repeating the same thing over and over, reopened a few psychological wounds he was working through. Coping with double the survivor's guilt isn't easy, especially when he lays awake at night wondering if he could have stopped Joey if he'd just stayed, but Henry is a stubborn son of a gun. He finds ways to march on and does his best to help everyone else.

Sammy Lawrence - The sacrificial cult murders are hard for him to forgive himself for. He's resentful of his own shattered mind, and is stuck in his own personal loop of being unsure of who he is. Surely he's not Sammy Lawrence anymore, nor does he fit the bill of Prophet. When he ends up spitting up the ink that forms Andy (aka Wanderer/Wandering Sin Bendy) he also ends up with a new hurdle to deal with, which is this mischievous cartoon that looks like a character he absolutely loathes, but who is connected to him in a way he might dare say is more like a parent-child relationship than god-subject. Needless to say Sammy needs time and a little bit of affection to bring down the self-loathing walls he's slowly built up. Once he's learned to reach out to others for help instead of being a prideful mule, he'll finally be able to start mending himself.

Jack Fain - He honestly believed he'd never see his husband again, and that nearly broke him. Then when Henry and Linda managed to contact him, Jack was instead afraid that he'd be rejected because he wasn't human anymore. Jack's insecurities made it hard for him to heal and work his way up back into a semblance of humanity, after all who'd ever be able to love a lump of ink that smells like your bathroom plumbing? Thankfully he was wrong and his husband was more than willing to welcome him back into his life. They have 20 years worth of grief and longing to work through.

Susie Campbell - It takes a while for Susie to forgive herself for what Alice had done in the studio (what she'd allowed her to do). But unlike many of the others she can't afford to sit still. As one of the more humanoid survivors she is tasked with helping Allison with groceries and, as such, is confronted with 20 years worth of change. Once she has time for herself she spends it in introspective silence or straight up just writes about it. She ends up uncovering a talent for literature and becomes a self-made successful "fiction" author. Her specialty? Sci-fi horror.

Norman Polk - Norman's life is a living hell even as he is rescued. He's lucid most of the time but (if provoked) he can easily switch back to being a feral mess. The silence is also suffocating to him, so he gets incredibly antsy if there isn't much happening. Combating his wanderlust is difficult so he coped by walking in the woods, often getting lost unless he's accompanied (which is a rule Henry immediately sets up). The most he does at first is to sleep all day and walk all night. Once he gains more of his self-control however, things begin to look up for him. It helps to have an emotional support dog that can keep up with him, as well as having people in his life that treat him like a person still. His little cartoon "child" also brings out the more tender side of his less lucid state of mind.

Allison Pendle - Like Susie she has little time to sit around and wallow. She has many responsibilities and as such is always busy. The only time she has to think and let herself cry is when she's in bed. Thankfully Tom is there for her, even if he can't talk anymore. Being held is enough for her though.

Thomas Connors - At first he's furious at being stuck as a mute cartoon wolf. He feels useless being unable to get a job and help provide for the cabin, and sitting around twiddling his thumbs was never something he liked doing. The only way he has to cope is helping Lacie figure out how to sort out Bertrum's situation, try to find a way to fix Norman's speaker and hearing, as well as keeping an eye on everyone when Allison and Susie leave to go into town. Running outside like an unbound dog alongside Buddy also helps. Freedom and exercise go well together in keeping him nice and active.

Shawn Flynn - He is incredibly frustrated about his size and lack of speech. He used to be a very loud and boisterous man, so being rendered a giant mute unable to convey his thoughts in a meaningful (albeit crude) manner makes him feel a bit isolated. His size also makes it difficult for him to get back into toy-making, but he'll be damned if he doesn't have at least one thing to do with his hands. Most of the time he spends hanging out with Grant who needs a little bit of supervision. He hopes his company helps the depressed mess his dearest friend has become.

Grant Cohen - There's a lot going on in his head, so most days are spent laying around just sleeping. He has very little motivation to do anything, and mostly only trusts Edvard (the Edgar clone that has a piece of his soul) and Shawn. His best days are spent reading or even listening to the radio. That's enough proof that he's unwell but at least coping in his own way. His is very slow progress, but still progress.

Buddy Lewek - He misses his family dearly, and it was hard having to accept he's never going to be a productive member of society, much less see the changes of a progressing civilization. Still Buddy is young. He finds things to busy himself with, enjoys being able to live free and without fear, and still practices his drawing with great gusto (even if he never quite gets Bendy's head right). He won't admit it but running wild like a rowdy pup is actually quite nice. He illustrates Susie's novels.

Abby Lambert - She was in very bad shape like Grant, depressed and suicidal, but was lucky enough to be reunited with her family early on. The occasional letter she sends shows she's doing well and getting better each time a new letter arrives. She feels a little bad that not everyone is as fortunate as her to have the support of their loved ones... Some don't have families to return to at all and that just doesn't sit right with her.

Bertrum Piedmont - Hates life a little less with each attempt Lacie makes at improving his living conditions. Being a stationary amusement park ride takes a toll on one's sanity, so it's normal that Bertrum is incredibly antisocial at first. Fortunately he's slowly warmed up to everyone as time goes on, and the one thing that bothers him is being unable to show his appreciation for the stubborn idiots who keep trying to help him. Inadequacy is a bitch to someone who's used to giving his all.

Lacie Benton - She's a living animatronic and she hates it, but now that she's not immobilized and that Tom built her a new arm, she can actually move on with her life and try to sort the real issues. Starting with Bertrum and Norman who definitely need a bit of refurbishing to live a better life. Surprisingly Bertrum is easier to sort out than Norman, who gets just a little too upset when she touches his speaker or wires...

Emma LaMonte - Like Jack and Abby she got lucky enough to go back to her family. Being as determined as she is, she also managed to regain her human form pretty quickly. Her perfectionist nature may have made her difficult most of the time, but now it's certainly worked in her favor. The one thing that she can't cope with is the memory of once having no legs to speak of... It chills her, the thought she'd never be able to dance again.

The Ink Demon - Binky needs to learn how to people and that in itself is already hard. Learning to cope with the monstrous things he did to everyone else is a whole new can of worms... Luckily the toons seem to like him a lot. It helps to not be cast aside. Henry also makes an effort to teach him as best he can, and show him the affection and understanding that Joey never did.

-

Joey Drew - Fled the country once he realized Henry broke the cycle. Can't deal with the fact he was wrong and that his life's work amounted to nothing, so he avoids dealing with it altogether. He's a wanted man, not by the law but by Henry's own righteous fury and desire for justice, as well as Linda's protective rage over her husband.

Wally Franks - He's the one that got away, so he carries a lot of survivor's guilt on his shoulders. Wishes he'd been able to help in the past, so once Henry contacts him for help finding everyone's families he jumps at the opportunity to do right by his old coworkers. He's the one who gets Norman a dog that wouldn't just flee from him, and he'll donate funds to keep the cabin afloat whenever things aren't doing so good. He visits a lot too.

Dot - She couldn't believe that the people she was sure as hell were dead actually survived Drew's madhouse of a studio. She had to pinch herself when she reunited with them however, because she wasn't expecting... Well... This... She feels responsible for Buddy being stuck as he is because she couldn't save him and instead saved herself. She's taken it upon herself to locate Joey and expose his monstrous actions.

Linda Stein - Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. This lady was not scorned by her husband, but she sure has a bone to pick with Mr. Drew. Luckily for her, Henry feels just as vindictive as she when it comes to Joey's obscene cruelty. Linda does her best to help everyone at the cabin, and gives her all in helping her husband through listening to the things he dare not tell his therapist... Needless to say she's heartbroken that her beloved had to go through two separate hells only to be expected to move on once he got out...

[violentviolette]

hey, dunno how comprehensible this will be, but i've suspected for a long while now that i fit a whole lot of symptoms for npd. the thing is i have no idea if i'm just faking it or exaggerating what i do have to make my mental health as Interesting as i've decided it is if that makes sense. and i don't know how i'd get a definitive answer without approaching a medical professional and idk how the fuck i'd go about that or whether that would even be a good idea with a disorder like this [1/2]

[2/2] you seem pretty chill, and pretty wise about this shit, and i've followed you for a while so thought i'd ask if you have any tips or ideas or just anything that can shed light on the situation cause it's been weighing on my mind for so long that i feel like i gotta do SOMETHING to get me to move on

so first things first, if ur having symptoms to the point that they are disrupting ur life enough that uve begun to look into these things, than reguardless of what it gets labeled, ur clearly struggling with something and therefore not faking or making it up. even when people are initially wrong about what disorder they might have, they're always right about having something. mentally stable and healthy people don't fake mental illnesses. so I can say with a lot of certainty that ur not just faking or exaggerating, even if it turns out u don't have npd.

my personal advice is that since cluster b disorders are in part rooted in trauma, healing from that is never a bad place to start. id argue u can't manage a cluster b pd effectively long term without ever working through that trauma. things like dialectical behavioral therapy (dbt) and other trauma based programs are extremely helpful for this.

here are some links to the two basic/standard dbt workbooks for free download. they're a great place to start and an excellent way to start breaking down the disordered thought processes that guide our pds

https://b-ok.cc/book/2746487/b75746

https://b-ok.cc/book/2476018/68bc0f

this website also has tons of other free books for download that I highly recommend such as

adult children of emotionally immature parents: how to heal from distant, rejecting, or self involved parents

https://b-ok.cc/book/2739029/90a647

why does he do that? inside the minds of angry and controlling men

https://b-ok.cc/book/4512237/eb9bec

those last two seem like they'd be really unrelated but honestly I think theyre super helpful for npd.

as narcs our core issue is that we can't self validate. our sense of value and validation is completely externally generated through other peoples reactions to and opinions of us. the first book does a really good job of teaching u how to do those things and be able to validate urself and create that worth internally when u cant or aren't receiving it externally.

the second book does an excellent job of breaking down the disordered thought processes behind abusive actions. as narcs we have a very difficult time with interpersonal relationships because we struggle with understanding what healthy boundaries and a non self centered view even looks like, which can lead us to perpetuating abusive patterns of behavior even when we don't intend to. this book not only illustrates those patterns but breaks down why we do those actions. where that anger and entitlement and selfishness comes from and how it manifests so that we can recognize that disordered behavior and correct it. (when I say we I don't mean all narcs btw not everyone w npd has problems with anger but I definitely did)

I know thats a lot of reading but honestly ur options for recovery are therapy or a shit ton of reading lol

therapists have done all this reading for u and then package it down for u to be given during relevant moments and helping u relate these concepts to ur life. which is definitely very helpful and even if u dont seek an npd diagnosis just having a therapist to talk to and work these things out with is tremendously helpful

but I understand therapy isn't always an option for people for a variety of reasons and at the end of the day therapists are just people with knowledge and u can absolutely aquire that knowledge for urself if u are dedicated and committed to it.

sorry this got a bit long but hopefully u find some of this stuff as helpful as I did

[bethsuglywigs]

director's cut: the challenge of beth and rio organizing their second hook up in PBS ch 2

Their difficult scheduling their second hookup serves three main purposes: (1) to illustrate Beth's inexperience and her insecurities; (2) to establish that Rio is busy with work; and (3) lay the foundation for Beth's decision to work at Boland Motors.

This is all foundational to the central conflicts between Beth and Rio: the lack of clarity surrounding their relationship and their expectation of each other as well as their inability to communicate. Additionally, Beth's continuing relationship with Dean will become a sore spot with Rio the longer the relationship goes on.

In the original draft, Rio was the one who texted first and his subsequent cancellations frustrated and confused Beth because she can't understand why he would make plans with her just to cancel them.

But having Rio text first didn't really put Beth in the headspace I needed her to be in for her to accept Dean's offer to come work at Boland Motors. So I decided to have her text Rio first and put her pride on the line. So then the subsequent cancellations hurt worse especially in combination with the all of her job rejections.

Turns out, scheduling a clandestine hookup is way more complicated than it seems.

Rio’s not a good texter. His messages are short and to the point, but he always responds pretty quickly. It’s strange to her—how he seems to want to maintain contact with her without really having a conversation—but she just assumes that’s just how these things work. So Beth follows his lead.

This is a reflection of Beth's insecurity and inexperience. She's never texted a guy like this and she just assumes that Rio's behavior is par for the course of chatting with a hookup. She thinks he's disinterested because he's not trying to have a deep convo via text. But if you actually think about Rio's behavior—texting back quickly and maintaining the conversation—he's actually showing quite a bit of interest considering they've already agreed to meet up.

Texting him quickly turns into something she just does sporadically throughout the day—exchanging little innocuous (often flirtatious) messages that don’t say much at all. It’s fun at first, something to distract her from the constant stream of job applications and the handful of interviews that all end in rejection.

But then, Rio cancels on her twice in two weeks. The first time she’s disappointed, but she tries not to overthink it. He’d been thoroughly apologetic and quick to reschedule when “something” came up two days before they’d agreed to meet. And he couldn’t have known his text would come through right after she’d received her first rejection email.

It stung—to be rejected and canceled on within the same five minutes—but the series of flirtier texts he’d sent soon after soothed her ego well enough.

Here, Beth is hurt twofold—first by the job rejection and then by Rio's cancellation. Of course, that's going to sting, especially because she's really been enjoying talking to him and she needs a job if she's going to leave Dean. This also serves to hint at Rio's job and how busy he is as well as provide more hints about Rio's interest in her. He immediately rescheduled and keeps flirting with her.

The second time pissed her off. He’d texted her the morning of their rescheduled meetup and gave her the same vague excuse that “something” came up. It had been a long week already—several more rejections, and a fight with Dean about his unwelcome insistence on cooking all of her meals left her agitated and extremely irritable. So when Rio’s cancelation text came through with that half-assed apology and excuse, she’d had enough.

Another hint at Rio's job and that he's vague about it. Also establishing that Dean is trying to win Beth's back.

It took three hours and four follow-up texts from Rio before she agreed to reschedule. But if he canceled again, she decided she’d block his number and (try to) forget about him.

He really wants to meet up with her again even if she can't see that because she's hurt by the cancellation.

The morning of their re-rescheduled meetup starts terribly.

Dean tries to cook her eggs benedict (one of her favorites), but ends up curdling the hollandaise, over poaching the eggs, burning the ham and the English muffins, and just overall making a mess of the kitchen. Annie takes it upon herself to make some sort of breakfast bowl with the ruined food, smothering everything (for some unknowable reason) in maple syrup and sriracha. If Beth hadn’t been so busy chewing Dean out for ignoring her request not to make meals for her, she probably would have gagged just from being in the same room as that horrible concoction.

Then, while she’s cleaning up Dean’s mess, Beth gets a call from the credit union she’d had (she’d thought) a great interview at two days prior. The hiring manager’s voice is chipper as she informs Beth they’ve gone with another candidate. Still, they’ll hold onto her resume “just in case.” If she could afford a new one, Beth would have thrown her phone at the wall.

So when she gets a text from Rio a few minutes later, she’s convinced he’s canceling again before she even reads it. That would be just her luck.

still on for tonight?

Again, Dean trying to win Beth back, but I also wanted to established that he's still being inconsiderate of Beth even when he's doing nice things for her. Also, this bit about Annie is important.

By the time Beth and Rio finally are able to meet up, Beth has been through A LOT. She's experienced a lot of regections from jobs plus the cancellations from Rio feel like rejections to her. Additionally, she's still living with Dean, whose betrayal is still very fresh. So going into the second hookup she feeling very raw and vulnerable which is why the evidence of the other women really gets under her skin.

[freykitten]

Frey’s fic recs list!

I realised there’s a dry spell happening in my fic reccommendations tag (”can i interest you in this masterpiece”, perhaps with a question mark at the end idk anymore), and we’re off season, so appreciating the writers creating content now is very important, so here’s a very incomplete list of season 12 (with a smidge of CDR) fics I’m obsessed with. 

It’s absolutely not all the fics I would happily rant about to everyone who listened - it’s very on top of my head - but almost all authors I mentioned have more RPDR works, so check that out and browse the tags of ships you’re interested in (that’s how I found a big part of those gems). Oh, and comment, even if it’s just keysmash or screaming. It means the world, trust me on that.

“we didn’t start the fire” by @pink-grapefruit-cafe - lesbian AU, multichap, in progress (Jankie, Ninex, Trixya + I’m hoping for Kamasia)

When I think of this story, I start smiling and bounce with excitement, because it’s just that freaking fantastic. I’m still in awe with how well Charl is executing this concept, and I stopped expecting anything less than splendind from her even before I got to know her. How does she know so much about firefighters? I’m guessing a lot of detailed research came into outlining this story and I have the most respect for that. But the plot! Okay, so it’s a firefighter AU. I can’t tell you too much not to spoil anything important, but it starts with a bang to your own head, and then it doesn’t slow down. We get to explore characters one by one, but through the lense of relationships and dynamic, and it’s done in such a smart way. I promise you’ll be hooked one paragraph in, and by the end of the first chapter- you’ll be addicted.

“A Goode Idea“ by @goodemornting​ - lesbian AU, one shot (Crygi)

I had and incredible pleasure of betaing it, but I’m not biased at all what I say this fic is hilarious. It’s fantastically written and had me surprised at every turn. I had the most fun reading it each time. The idea is, well, absurd. Like, literally. Crystal gets her hand stuck in a vending machine on her way to a blind date. But our girl is not a quitter, oh no, but the machine is runway commentary on Drag Race and Crystal’s hand is jokes about Michelle’s breasts. Just... can’t let it go. Thankfully, there comes salvation in a form of Gigi Goode, who’s been stood up on a blind date. Are you, like, connecting the dots here? Because they’re not. At all. This fic is prime entertainment, give it a read.

“I Remember“ by @imposterzoe - one shot (Jiji)

MY HEART WAS RIPPED OUT, SET ON FIRE, AND STEPPED ON, BUT NOT IN ATTEMPT TO PUT OUT THE FLAME. I thought about this fic and, jesus, it still hurts. It’s a great angst, truly a great one. It’s all loneliness and heartbreak and yearning that makes the lungs burn. “dear god he needed a hug. But the one person he would accept it from was in another man's arms, on the other side of the country.” - I can’t get this line out of my head and I don’t regret it - it’s a very good one, but it just hurts a lot. Incredible, incredible work. 

One Direction (to your heart) by @opalescent-cheetah​ - lesbian AU, multichap, in progress (Jaida/Crystal)

Back to the fun stuff! IT’S A SOULMATES AU. I’M WEAK FOR SOULMATES AUs. And you might not understand my love for that trope (it’s legit my favourite one ever), but you will understand my love for that story as soon as you start it. It’s a fun spin on the soulmate tottoos trope - you’re not born with it, but once you get your first tattoo, it’s mirrored on your soulmate’s skin. And Jaida really doesn’t get the appeal of having the universe decide for you about who you’re going to love - she prefers to make that decision for herself, so when arabic letters spelling “One Direction” appear on her chest, it’s less than ideal. But she doesn’t think too much about it. That, or the fact her new coworker insists of blasting 1D songs all day long. She might not enjoy Crystal’s taste in music, but she sure enjoys her company. A lot. A whole lot.

I almost forgot to mention it, but the fact each chapter has a seperate illustration drawn for it? And they’re all so pretty? Wonderful.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered by @missjanjie - lesbian AU, multichap, in progress (Sportsdoll, Crygi)

I promised myself one rec for one author and with Joley it was the most difficult to stick to that rule (and we’ve had Charlotte on this list, and I’m whipped with everything she writes, so visualise the struggle here). But I chose this one, because it’s just!!! so good!!! Jan is a simple collage student with typical collage student problems. You know, exams, boring readings, pining for your French pen pal, morning lectures, handing in assignments on time. Crystal is her roommate, and has typical roommate problems: sharing chores, remembering which sweets are whose, and telling your secret crush you have to pretend to be in love, because your roommate decided to invite her French pen pal to your wedding, so now you have to stage everything. That’s a normal Tuesday evening for them. And an awesome story for you to follow.

“small wonder“ by wildewoman_22 - lesbian AU, one shot (Jankie)

This list is supposed to be fics that live rent-free in my head, so this one should have been put as the first one. It made me sob. It’s so unimaginably beautiful (I’m already getting tears in my eyes and I’m not even talking about the plot, oh my god). Jackie and Jan decide to have a baby, and it’s the most raw, magnificent, but also heartwarming portrayal of pregnancy and different ways to understand motherhood I’ve read. So absolutely beautiful and filled with love. Just, a masterpiece. So mindblowing.

“Some Things Are Bound To Be” by @dollalpaca​ - lesbian AU, multichap, in progress (Kyara)

In Polish we have that saying, “to approach something like dog would a hedgehog”, and to say that was me with that fic is like not saying anything. I love Zyanny and I’m always going to be proud of the things she creates - be it a fic, a moodboard, or a bullet journal - but I didn’t really watch CDR, and the bit I have seen didn’t convince me. So it took me a while to get to that fic. But when I did. Jesus, the only advantage of catching up on it late was the fact I didn’t have to wait for updates, because it’s so good I’d go crazy, like I am now. Kyne is an accountant in a big company, all she wants is to do her job and mind her own business. Really. Give her her papers and peace. That’s all she’s asking for. So of course she’ll get something else - a rumour she’s dating the daughter of the company’s boss. But Kiara is hot and nice and seeing her laugh makes Kyne’s heart do stupid things, so what the hell. One thing she doesn’t know is Kiara’s past, and that might complicate a few things. I don’t know Kiara’s past either and Zyan won’t tell me and I’m going crazy here. Come join me in my misery - the way her characters are written makes it all worth it.

“countless chances” by @essenceofhall - lesbian AU, one shot (Crygi)

IT’S A HARLEY QUINN/POISON IVY AU, PEOPLE. And it’s blowing my mind. The characterisation in that fic is immaculate - it’s like original personalities of Ivy and Harley were mixed with something very, very original, and it’s owned - done so surely and with so much craftmanship - they feel organic as Crystal and Gigi. This fic is the best way of creating an AU based on existing characters I’ve read, and with a lot of certainty I can say that it will remain as the best one. It’s pure brilliance. I am blown away. Impressed beyond the point of expression. 

“Blue Neighborhood” by @imalwaysaslutfordrag - lesbian AU, a series of astounding one shots, in progress

I won’t write too much about this, because I probably could whip out a separate post about BN and it would be just as long. It’s one of the best stories I’ve read in my entire life, and I don’t mean just fics, I mean all literature. Every aspect I could talk about is entrancing. Phenomenal work that deserves all the praise.

[scripttorture]

I'm curious about the the mental processes that makes torturers do their work. Is that akin to the process that allowed the "Teacher" to press the supposedly shock-inducing button in the Milgram Experiment? Do they blame their victims for "making them torture them"? Does dehumanisation play a role? What do symptoms look like on a torturer? Thank you in advance.

These are all good questions but a lack of research means it’s difficult to answer them definitely.

 I’ll start by saying that the Milgram experiments are a steaming pile of… insults to the scientific community shall we say. Honestly as a scientist the Milgram experiments make me angry because they are just so darned sloppy. They are terrible. They cherry picked data. They applied significant coercion to the ‘teachers’ while claiming they didn’t. They failed to record the ways ‘teachers’ tried to trick the system (especially those who pretended to press the button but did not actually do so).

 And they also didn’t bother to check whether the ‘teachers’ believed they were actually administering electric shocks. When a follow up study asked these people about it later they found that the majority of people who pressed the button didn’t believe the button caused electric shocks.

 Essentially- Milgram can’t tell us shit about why this happens. Those experiments were too sloppy and poorly conducted for us to draw any conclusions.

 So what do we actually have that can tell us about torturers?

 There are a lot of interviews conducted by non-specialists; mostly journalists. There are works torturers published. I consider both of these sources useful but biased. Torturers have repeatedly shown that they don’t provide accurate accounts of events or their own actions. So – I take these accounts with a pinch of salt and try to be critical.

 When it comes to actual specialists providing notes on torturers- I’ve only really found two sources: Fanon’s The Wretched of the Earth contains notes on torturers he treated after the Franco-Algerian war, and Sironi’s body of work studying torturers. Which is only available in French and is print on demand.

 Yes I am still bitter, moving on!

 Where does all this leave us?

 Well it means that we don’t have enough good quality studies to be absolutely sure. It means most of what we ‘know’ is educated guess work, based on the little bit of research and anecdotal accounts.

 It’s frustrating. We need more data. And the result is that most of what I can say here is ‘may bes’.

 Dehumanisation probably does play a role, but it may not be as great a role as we tend to assume. Studies of the effects of hate speech in Rwanda in the lead-up to the genocide (along with what we know about ICURE techniques) do suggest that dehumanisation makes atrocities more likely. But they don’t necessarily make torture specifically more likely and many torturers will acknowledge the humanity of their victims.

 Some torturers do use language that blames their victims but- not in quite the way you’ve put it here. They don’t tend to say victim’s ‘made them’ torture. Instead they tend to suggest that the victims put themselves in a position where they knew they were going to be tortured.

 ‘A kid that colour walking around in that part of town at night? What did he expect!’

 That kind of phrasing is something I see more regularly.

 Another common one is torturers suggesting the victims ‘deserved it’ because of a particular characteristic: ie race, sexuality, gender, homelessness, disability. Arguing that a victim was ‘probably guilty’ or is actually guilty of a crime and therefore ‘should’ be tortured is also pretty common among torturers.

 But- I also get the impression that most torturers just don’t think about their victims much. Not as human individuals anyway. They don’t seem to consider the lasting impact they have on other people in any meaningful way.

 I think this is easiest to illustrate by looking at the way torturers express regret. Because they do often express regret for what they did.

 But it’s not expressed as them primarily being sorry they hurt so many people. Instead it’s- they regret what they did because they have nightmares about it. Because they’re ill and the symptoms are terrible. Because they lost their job. Because they’re socially isolated.

 It’s regret focused on the consequences of torture for the torturer rather then an acknowledgement of the scale of harm they caused their victims.

 I often get asks that suggest this as an inherent characteristic that ‘makes’ people torturers but there’s no evidence to support that. I personally believe this lack of empathy is an effect of torture rather then something that leads to torture.

 I guess what I’m driving at here is that there is a rather selfish focus in torturers. But beyond that symptoms in torturers look pretty much the same as symptoms in everyone else.

 My impression, based on the interviews I’ve read, is that unless the subject of torture comes up torturers come across as trauma survivors. Asshole trauma survivors but still trauma survivors.

 They tend to be rather convinced of their own importance. I’m unsure where this personality trait comes from but it does seem common. It could be a product of the sub-culture torturers create.

 And that brings me more or less to- well the answer to the big question here: why do they do it? How can they do it?

 My opinion is that the answer has little to do with individuals and everything to do with organisations.

 I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again: Torturers do not work alone.

 Torture by it’s definition and nature is a function of groups, of broken systems.

 Torturers are not individuals who arbitrarily decide to abuse someone. They are police officers with little training and no funding instructed to ‘do something now’. They are soldiers who’ve been taught over a lifetime that the ‘enemy would do the same to us’. They are teachers told to ‘control the class or else’.

 They’re groups of people in an environment that has a huge pressure to produce ‘results’ while also being under trained, under staffed, under funded and unsupervised. Into this already unhealthy mix throw the persistent background cultural lie that torture is a short cut to the results they want.

 Hell the persistent cultural message that violence is any kind of answer.

 Is it really a surprise that our police turn to torture when we don’t teach them to interrogate and our news outlets, our politics, our fiction is full of apologia telling them that abuse will get them the results they want?

 The mindset that let’s torturers abuse other people does rely on assumptions that some people are ‘lesser’ or otherwise ‘deserve’ to be abused. But the bit most fiction doesn’t capture is the social aspect.

 The way torturers egg each other on and the way they compete. The way they gradually become more or less the entirety of each other’s social circles. The fear they have of each other, which can trap them in the abusive role they’ve taken on. The way they lose other skills, making it feel impossible to switch. The way they seem to feel that stopping represents both personal failure and letting down the only people they still count as ‘friends’.

 The closest I’ve seen a movie come to this was The Shape of Water, the villain brilliantly captured the bizarre mix of self importance, incompetence and intense environmental stress that characterises torturers.

 Torturers say that they start because ‘there’s no other choice’. I don’t know how much they believe that piece of apologia.

 I do know that in any organisation that tortures there is often incredibly intense pressure to participate in, or at least ignore, torture. Refusal often leads to a person leaving an organisation, sometimes feet first.

 But the reasons they continue are complicated. For some of them they probably do believe the apologia, that they’re ‘doing necessary work’. Some of them definitely see their victims as less then human.

 All of them are caught in a... societal trap not unlike a cult. They’re isolated from non-torturers. They’re constantly fed the message that torturing is right. They’re threatened if they try to leave.

 I think that, whether they acknowledge it or not, the main reason torturers continue is because they know they’re at risk if they stop and they know they’ll be completely socially isolated if they stop.

 Of course sooner or later they do stop. It’s completely unsustainable.

 When they do they generally report isolation, low self esteem and difficulty functioning in society. They struggle to find and keep work. They struggle to form or maintain relationships. It wrecks their lives; the organisation chews them up and spits them out mangled to a point where they can’t navigate society.

 And because they rarely come to terms with what they’ve done they rarely recover.

Availableon Wordpress.

Disclaimer

[gallagherwitt]

Hey, writer folks, let's talk editing for a minute.

Lately I've seen some posts by a number of writers concerned about the editing process. In particular, what happens when your editor starts trampling your voice? Or when they start changing things that are clearly a matter of taste, not structural or grammatical issues? Or when their comments are rude or condescending? Or when you don't even recognize your own book anymore, and not in a good way?

Basically, what happens when you get your manuscript back from your editor, and you get that sick feeling in your stomach like "This is ruined"?

First, right off the bat, without even getting into whether the editor is right or wrong, it's a perfectly natural and acceptable reaction when you have some hardcore edits that involve massive revisions. This is especially true early in your career, but trust me, it doesn't magically go away. It's tough on the ego to see that manuscript you worked so hard on come back slathered in red. It's demoralizing. And it's okay if you feel that way!

You know what I do when I get a set of edits? I go through it one time and let my inner toddler go nuts. I mentally flail and push back and holler and roll my eyes and "oh my GOD that is BULLSHIT" and I eat a cookie. Then I put the manuscript aside. The next day, I take a deep breath and go through it again, and more often than not -- especially now that I'm mostly indie and I hire editors who I mesh with -- the comments and changes aren't so bad after all. So I 100% give you permission to do that if getting it out of your system helps.

THAT BEING SAID.

The inner toddler isn't always wrong. When I read through it the second time, if my eyebrows keep climbing until they touch my hairline, it's possible that something is amiss here besides my ego needing a nap.

So what happens when you and your editor disagree? How do you know if the problem is the editor or the manuscript? And how do you handle it? Well, that can be tough, and the answer usually comes down to communication.

But let me say this upfront: it's not just you. After 11 years in print, I'm creeping up on 200 titles in my catalogue. I have, shall we say, extensive experience with editors, and it hasn't always been good.

With one publisher, I had to hire a copy editor on my own to go through and undo all the errors *their* copy editor inserted, not to mention fix all the ones they'd missed.  That's a pretty objective problem.  If your editor is missing mistakes or ADDING mistakes, then you need a new editor. Period. Do NOT be afraid to go to your senior editor (or your agent), tell them what the problem is, and request someone new. If the problem isn't resolved or you're told "this editor does a perfectly good job," then consider that a sign that you and the publisher have differing standards on quality. You might have to grit your teeth through the process on your currently contracted book(s) (that's why I hired an outside editor for mine), but consider not submitting to that publisher in the future. If you're an indie author who hired your own editor, you can fortunately choose not to use them again.

Sometimes it's a personality clash or a difference in taste or style. Maybe the editor's method of communicating rubs you the wrong way. I had an editor who thought that since I'm fairly sarcastic with a dry sense of humor most of the time, that would be an effective way of communicating via comments in a manuscript.

Spoiler: it was not. I have a thick skin when it comes to writing, but if I feel like my editor is making fun of me, talking down to me, or yelling at me, I shut down. I can't work like that. Solution: ask the editor to do things differently or ask for another editor. DO NOT grin and bear it if your editor is communicating in a way that's hurtful or counterproductive. You're equal partners here, and you have a right to be treated with respect. It's okay to say so if you feel that's not happening.

I also had an editor who did line edits by making the change they wanted to see rather than putting in a comment about how and why they thought it should change. I really liked that because in comparing my original to the tracked change, I could see what they were getting at, and even if I didn't accept their change in its entirety, it was a good way to communicate the issue to me. For us, it worked really well.

But that approach had the opposite effect on another author, who felt like the editor was stomping on their voice and just changing things willy nilly.  Neither of us was wrong, it was just different people responding to different means of communication. In that instance, simply approach the editor, explain why you would prefer they made comments instead of changes, and see what happens. If they're willing to do so, great! If not, you and the editor might not be compatible. That doesn't make you a diva or them a bad editor, it just means you're not a good match. That's okay!

Also, if they've made a suggestion or recommended a change, and you disagree with it or don't understand it, sometimes just typing out your concerns in an email or a reply to their comment can resolve it. I can't tell you how many times I've been in the middle of explaining to an editor why I wanted to keep something the way it was, and I talked myself right into a solution to their comment that I was happy with. The solution wasn't always what they'd initially recommended, but the result was that the problem they'd pointed out was fixed.

Which is another thing to keep in mind: if your editor suggests you do X to fix a problem, but you don't like X, think about WHY they want you to do it. What is X fixing? One of my editors told me "There isn't enough tension in this scene, so I recommend cutting it by 10% to tighten it up." I tried. Lord, I tried. But there was no way I could cut anything without losing vital information. So I revisited the comment. The problem wasn't that it needed to lose 10%. The problem was there wasn't enough tension. In the end, I ratcheted up the tension....by *adding* 10%.

So sometimes it's just a matter of stepping back and asking yourself, is this editor stomping all over your voice and tearing apart your work in a way you disagree with? Or is it a difference in communication style? Are they trying to hijack my book? Or does their suggestion illustrate a problem which I can fix in a way that is more satisfying to me and more in line with my story?

Also, a lot of writers have come of age hearing that you toe the line and do what your editor tells you to, or else you'll get blacklisted for being difficult. And to some extent, sure, you CAN cultivate a reputation for being an unreasonable diva, but there is an enormous gap between diva status and being a professional asking to be treated accordingly. If you feel your editor is being rude or they're hurting your story, say so. If you think there's a lapse in communication somewhere, say so.

If you don't understand something, ask. When my current editor makes suggestions for significant changes, it's not unusual at all for me to email her first and say "I'm thinking of doing X, Y, and Z to fix A, B, and C. What do you think?" Or "You suggested A, B, and C, but I think if I do X, Y, and Z it'll work better because... What do you think?" And we'll go back and forth a little before I ever touch the manuscript. It works beautifully, and I'm always confident going into the edits that I understand what the issues are and how to fix them. You're not alone when you're editing! Your editor is there to help you and to work with you, and if they won't do that, they're not doing their job!

Seeing a pattern here? Communication is crucial. If you aren't comfortable with something, or you don't understand something, or the way the editor is communicating isn't working for you, it's okay to speak up. It goes without saying that you need to be professional about it, but don't buy into the idea that for authors, "being professional" means gritting your teeth and taking whatever your editor shells out.

And yes, if you absolutely cannot work with an editor -- if just thinking about looking at that manuscript spikes your anxiety like a tornado siren just went off because the comments are rude, the changes are uncalled for, or something is just OFF -- it is acceptable to say "This author-editor relationship isn't working for me."

Yes, you can break up with your editor.

Obviously that's easiest for indie authors. We just...don't hire that editor again. With publishers, it's a little more complicated, but it CAN be done!

In just over a decade, there has been one occasion where I stopped midway through the edits, emailed the senior editor, and said "I'm not working with this person anymore. I want a new editor." This came after a round of edits left me so emotionally wrung out and beaten down that I was literally in tears over it, and if you know me, you know that says A LOT. The first draft of my email basically said "You know what? This book is obviously garbage. Let's just cancel it." I felt that bad about the whole thing. But after talking to some industry friends, I pulled myself together, realized the book was not the problem, and I sent a firmly-worded but still professional email to my senior editor.

You know what happened? I got a new editor. We scrapped the existing edits, started over, and it was like night and day. The edits were still intense, but they were reasonable, and instead of feeling like I was being told to nuke the book from orbit and start over, I felt like I was course correcting. In the end, readers loved the book, and I continued working with that editor for a long time because we meshed so flawlessly.

If you find yourself in a situation like this, and you're not sure if it's just you, run it by some trusted writer buddies. Ask some long-published veteran authors. It's okay to say "Something about this doesn't feel right -- what do you think?"

Don't suffer in silence! Get feedback from a third party. Talk to your editor. Talk to your senior editor or your agent if you have them. It could be just a simple miscommunication. It could be that you and this editor aren't compatible. But if no one knows you're struggling, they can't help.

And honestly, if there's one thing I've learned in working with literally dozens of editors over the years, it's that most of them genuinely do want you to succeed, and they want you to be happy with your book. If they do, they'll also meet you in the middle and try to make the whole process work for both of you. If they don't, well, then that's somebody you probably don't want to work with again if you can help it.

To recap:

Talk to your editor if you have concerns or if something isn't working.

Talk to your senior editor or agent (if you have them) if you think a new editor would be the best solution.

If you're truly unhappy with an editor, you might be stuck with them for the duration of one book or series, depending on your contract, but beyond contractual obligations, it's okay to choose not to work with them again. (And if it's really not a good situation, push for a different editor.)

 If an author and editor disagree, the author is not wrong by default. Neither is the editor.

Communicate, communicate, communicate.

Remember that you are colleagues, and you should expect to be treated accordingly.

Sometimes calmly explaining to your editor why you disagree with or don't understand their comment can lead your thought process right to the solution.

It's YOUR book. In the end, YOU should be happy with it. Your editor should be on your side.

 You are not obligated to correct a problem in the manner your editor suggested. Most problems have multiple possible solutions!

It's totally okay to email your editor and ask for clarification, bounce ideas off them for solutions, etc.

So go forth and bravely tackle those edits, but communicate like whoa and trust your gut if something doesn't feel right!