#And also not Very easy to find more info on? It's just not worth it to get into.

[hellohoihey]

Like I feel kinda shit for it but I truly do not have the energy to figure out based on fcking posts of someone's Instagram likes and like. The fucking actions of people they support to figure out whether it's "okay" to like them like I just can't

[andhumanslovedstories]

for people who also have a mild impulse shopping problem, I've found it useful to identify the itch I want to scratch: is it spending money or is it getting things? If it's spending money, I trick my brain by paying off something I owe. Like a few years back when I was feeling dangerously shoppy, I would drop a big chunk of change as a student loan payment. When I was buying an entire new mouth of teeth, I'd transfer money from my checking to my secret ultra hard to access tooth account.

If paying myself or paying a debt doesn't work, I find a charity or gofundme that's worth supporting. (You gotta be careful with that last one, it's really easy to be spend way more than you should, budget-wise, because it makes spending money feel good morally, which can be an incentive to keep going.) I also like to keep cash on hand so if I see someone who needs money, I can give it to them. It's a financial decision made impulsively for an opportunity I won't get again (giving $20 to this exact person at this moment of need). All this soothes the spending beast inside of me, and I don't deal with the Money Shame that comes with $100 of amazon orders.

If I want to acquire things, I download a lot of research articles I know I probably won't read, or I get an enormous stack of books from the library that would be impossible to finish before I have to return them, or I'll download a bunch of albums I tell myself I'll get to someday. Sometimes it's enough to just make a list of things of things I want to do or own. A list of one hundred movies I've curated from best of lists that in this moment I feel motivated to watch. Add tv shows to my watch list on netflix. Add fics to my "to read" list on ao3. Anything that feels like I'm adding to a hoard.

If I still want to shop, well, I'm probably gonna spend more money than I mean to, but I at least make sure I'm deliberate about my spending. If I'm gonna blow my cash on something, it should at least be worth it. That means either very cool or very useful. And honestly, the things you tell yourself are useful while in the shopping haze are never that useful, so you might as well go for very cool.

This is all to say I fell into a trance last night and this morning woke to receipts and tracking info from etsy dot com. And I am like "yikes." But I did get something that is so so so stupid that I can't wait to show it to you all when it arrives.

[zarnzarn]

i see all these comments talking about this after the new episode, but. i would like to state for the record that stolitz isn't. toxic.

first off, the concept of a toxic and a healthy relationship are such... vague terms. when you're online, drenched in language and tight moral boundaries, trying to put a nuanced story like helluva boss's into boxes is easy to attempt and impossible to do.

a toxic relationship is one where one or both parties is maliciously affecting the other. I'm talking fetid, nasty, rude interactions where there is more hurt than love. they're unhappy more often than not when they're with their partner, there's no respect or give from the other side.

stolitz is nothing like that.

Stolas actively cares about Blitz and actually has no fear or hesitation in ADMITTING IT OUT LOUD TO OZZIE. he has been calling, texting, commenting, laughing and finding ways to spend time with Blitz. he's throwing everything he has to the wind, finding the courage to move forward with the divorce, putting everything he has into trying to keep him. he's been alone in a palace since he was born, on medication, with such less people dear to him that he remembered the circus boy who spent a day with him DECADES ago- so when blitz comes into his life and brings back in laughter and color and sex, he's holding on with everything he's got.

and blitz does care!!! he cares a LOT, the whole series we see him falling in love with stolas through SHOW NOT TELL (his expressions, his choices, his fear, his lashing out) and utterly unable to process that stolas cares about him too when talking to fizz; almost a desperate kind of denial-

cause yknow. the first time he tried to confess something to someone he really liked, he accidentally killed half the people he knew and ruined the lives of the rest?

thats gonna leave just a teensy impact on the will to express your emotions in the future, methinks.

even before that, he clearly felt like on some level that he was unworthy and he's said twice that he despises himself for the accident even though it wasn't actually his fault. being self aware doesn't stop the emotions from emotioning.

he keeps insisting its only sex so urgently to anyone who doesn't ask because he can't even imagine it being anything else. he's both disappointed and relieved when he repeats that stolas sees him as a novelty, because what else can it be?

(there's a whole other spiel of how brave both Stolas and Blitz have to be to say it out loud even when asmodeus can't afford to, considering how publically and completely beaten down both were at the club.)

(there's also another whole spiel about how frustrating it has been for ME to see all these comments over time with such bad takes based on like,, 20 min worth of info of a show that takes months to release an ep. like godDAMN have some patience?? let the story UNFOLD MAYBE? IT WAS ALWAYS GOING TO HAVE AN EXPLANATION WHY WOULD YOU CRITICIZE THINGS THAT ARENT EVEN FINISHED ESPECIALLY AN INDIE ANIMATION- i digress)

mind you, this has NOTHING to do with abuse. an abusive relationship is one where one is actively harming the other with full awareness. Stella is an abuser and their marriage is abusive.

and stolitz isn't that; it isn't even unhealthy or toxic. it's a consensual, transactional fuckbuddy relationship that slid into something more for both of them.

but!!!!! one of the main reasons for the problems that everyone looks over is-

they're in a BDSM relationship.

I can't possibly delve into dynamics without making this a 10k research paper BUT even though we've gotten only hints and costumes and dialogue- they're very clearly and undeniably in a BDSM contract. Behind the scenes of this crazy show is a whole different story, of these two delving into the most hardcore kinks out there- knifeplay, painplay, bondage.

if you've gotten into the community, if you've read a couple dozen particularly good fics by authors who know what they're talking about, hell; even if your only experience is fifty shades or 365 or whatever- you gotta know that BDSM scenes are crazy fucking emotionally heavy. there's so much that has gone down between them during their full moons that helluva can't get into!!

but you know how in so many of these popular medias and fics, the dom in the relationship is also like,, the billionaire/mafia heir/prince, etc, the one with financial and physical power? this isnt that. it has been very clearly stated that stolas is subbing, blitz is domming.

now take a moment and think about how much that fucks up the dynamics.

in stolas' eyes, blitz is a confident, dangerous individual who's an old friend and cherished memory of his, who he's trusted wholly with his safety during sex and he's lucky to have; and he has been in an abusive arranged marriage for the past eighteen Years, he's probably not going to be pushing his luck with his dom that much in the first place. plus, blitz is never cowed by him during their conversations- think back to the first phone call right after he stole the book, completely unafraid.

and for blitz, it's someone trusting him again- but it's also a royal- a blue blood who's nearly untouchable and so much more powerful- who couldn't possibly like a piece of shit like him, apart from the sex he gets out of it. he only flirts once he gets some sort of cue from Stolas; he's desperately trying to view this as only a Goetia trying to get his rocks off, despite all the evidence to the contrary, because anything else is unfathomable to him, no matter how clearly Stolas shows it, because of the ptsd.

both of them thinks the other has the power. both of them aren't expecting the other to keep shut if something's bothering them.

and there's so much conflicting messages from the other too!

stolas calls him a plaything when trying to intimidate the humans; stolas cups his face gently and asks if he's alright

blitz asks him on a date and tells him to get better soon; blitz yells that it's only sex and doesn't reply to his messages

ya see?

bring it to fizzozzie for a second now; even though they do look all good on surface, you can still see fizz's trauma and doubt in all their interactions, they're still forced to keep the relationship secret. do you see his face when Ozzie says in hyperbole that he's never leaving the house again, or when someone accuses him of being a pampered house pet or when he got sexualized in the 7th ep? whatever happened in the interim between the accident with mammon, it fucked him UP. even though oz seems to be well aware of this when he tells him not to apologise and in their general interactions, fizz still visibly has trouble separating plaything/commodity from healthy relationship.

shout the fuck out to Ozzie btw, man knows whats UP. rooting for these two so much omg.

i forgot where I was going with this point, I'll edit it when i remember. but yeah! lovely fucking relationship, but damn what angst filled issues.

anyway, to sum up- stolitz is not a toxic relationship. the relationship is stuck sludging through misunderstandings and careless microaggressions and trauma responses, but it's not unhealthy or toxic because of the simple reason that most of the current hurt comes from... a misunderstanding. stolas didn't realise blitz would need reassurance about what they were and blitz didn't see stolas as someone who could get hurt.

unecessarily calling it toxic, even online, is more impactful than people think too. almost all spindlehorse ARE on all social medias; so MANY YouTube animators i know have found jobs there; they see your words, especially since a lot don't tag posts with "anti hb" correctly to keep them out of the main tag. there are Very few queer medias made BY queer people that haven't gone through heavy corporate revisions- helluva boss is practically a historical landmark in its success. it's very very very fucking easy to forget that not ten years ago some of the only queer videos on YouTube were butter lover (one kiss at the end post credits), dirty paws and welcome to hell (subtext).

the amount of "critical talk" helluva boss gets for what it is is very unprecedented. it's a beautiful show. can't wait for the next episode.

[imminent-danger-came]

Sun Wukong Knew About MK the Whole Time: A Theory

I am currently hyped up on leftovers and iced coffee, so let's do this!

I've talked about this before, here and here, but I think it's finally time I wrote an official post. You can go and read those posts if you want to (I definitely hit the nail on the head with some of this stuff), but I will be compiling a lot of what I said on those posts here!

So. Let's get the Mr. Elephant out of the room first: The David Breen Tweets. (thread here).

I see this tweet mentioned a lot whenever I bring up SWK knowing about MK, and honestly, this is a far cry from the "it's been confirmed that SWK didn't know" definite answer everyone's been implying.

So let's break it down!

#1: "Monkey King ain't the father"/"Monkey King isn't his dad." Well of course! Being born from a stone means you don't have any parents. I see it like this: Wukong isn't MK's dad, but he's also not NOT MK's dad, it's a secret third thing (creator and creation). Or, perhaps Wukong didn't help create MK at all, but he at the very least was involved in the circumstances that lead to MK being created/being born from the stone. (Aka eldritch abomination MK theory. My Beloved. Okay sorry.)

#2: "Monkey King was ripping his way through memories looking for MK, but kept coming back to the stone. He doesn't know why." So, while Wukong was ripping through memories, he didn't know why the scroll kept spitting him out by the stone. This is not a confirmation that Wukong didn't know about MK and his origins. It also begs the question: how did Wukong know MK was in the scroll to begin with? There's also some speculation to be had about why Wukong was so desperate to find MK to begin with:

MK: "Monkey King did this?" Macaque: "It looks like he's been tearing his way through his past—trying to find his way to.." MK: "Me."

(4x11 A Lifetime of Mistakes)

-

What was he so afraid of MK finding? Or, what was he afraid the scroll would force MK to experience? I think these are questions worth asking.

#3: "Wukong's trying real hard to leave the 'not being open with MK' days behind after s3. Problem is he's got lifetimes of info to catch them up on." Well, this one is a DOOZIE. One: we already know MK doesn't know everything about Wukong and his choices because he doesn't know Wukong killed Macaque (thank you 4x11). Two: "trying real hard" and "successfully doing" are very different things. And three: YOU DON'T JUST DROP INFO LIKE "Hey, did you know you're a Monkey Demon?" ON TOP OF SOMEONE RANDOMLY. Especially not MK. You have to prepare them for it.

Wukong is trying to do better and be better for everyone around him, but that still takes work. That still isn't easy. He's still going to make mistakes, which means he's not going to always go about being open with MK in the best way.

Sun Wukong: “Point is, mistakes happen, but so long as you leave the world in better shape than you found it, then it’s all good. Right?”

(4x01 Familiar Tales)

-

This scene—to me—feels like Wukong is trying prepare MK for his eventual "Hey did you know you're a Monkey Demon?" conversation he wants (and needs) to have down the line. Yes, SWK is trying to be more open with MK, but he's also just not going to be given that chance before the truth comes out.

MK: "Yeah right, if Monkey King really was my dad don't you think he would have said something by now?" Mei: "Yeah...because he's normally SOOOOO forth coming with information." MK: "Well uh, whatever—when we find Monkey King's stone, then we'll just ask him!"

(4x05 Court of the Yellow Robbed Demon)

-

Notice how they never asked Monkey King that question? From a writing standpoint, why bring this up at all if it wasn't to imply that (even if Monkey King isn't MK's dad) he wasn't involved with MK's creation in some way?

ANYWAYS.

NOW THAT THE BREEN TWEET THAT HAS RUINED MY LIFE IS OUT OF THE WAY, let's get into the evidence given to us throughout the entirety of the show. Starting with this:

This isn't a scene that takes place during the "A Hero is Born" special, as I'm sure plenty of people have noticed before now. Of course, this could have just been Monkey King "scouting out a successor", but with everything we know now doesn't that...feel kinda weird?

We were told at the beginning of the show that Monkey King gave MK his powers, but now we know that's not true. MK has had his own powers this whole time—and that's something Wukong, at the very least, knew:

Sun Wukong: "Listen kid: You fought demons, and you didn't die, and you made it here! Not just anyone can lift my staff, but you did." (1x00 A Hero is Born)

-

MK: "This whole time, I thought my powers came from the staff! Sun Wukong: "The staff's just a big 'ol stick bud! It takes someone special to lift it." (3x03 Smartie Kid)

-

There's also 1x09 Macaque, which I have mentioned before:

Macaque: "Ohohoh no, can't you hold the magic staff anymore? Well, you know what that means—there really isn't anything special about you. You're just a kid with a heavy stick."

This scene is then followed by MK lifting the staff, which only happens because Wukong encourages him.

MK: "Ugh, I can't! I'm not strong enough." Sun Wukong: "Kid! We're definitely going to have words later, but it's time for the Hero Stuff!"

(1x09 Macaque)

-

Ultimately, Wukong knows MK can lift the staff again even after Macaque supposedly stole all of MK's powers. He knows MK can beat DBK (more on that later). He does something similar to all this in 3x14, being the one to let MK face the Lady Bone Demon, powered by the Samadhi fire, alone (even after Pigsy tries to stop MK):

Wukong want's to protect MK. That's why he went to face the Lady Bone Demon alone in the first place—but here, he let's MK stop the end of the world all by himself. Why would he let his beloved student face not only LBD, but a reality ending flame alone?

Because he knows how much power MK has. Because he knows MK is capable of doing it.

This all brings me to my main point: If before now we were supposed to believe that Monkey King gave MK his powers, and he so clearly didn't, how would Wukong not know he didn't give MK powers. And because he clearly knew he didn't give MK any powers, why would he not question where this kid's insane level of power came from? He had to have "chosen" MK to be his successor for a reason right?

ESPECIALLY because Wukong never planned on being a mentor in the first place:

Sun Wukong: "I know I can never make it up to you. Honestly, I- I never thought I'd live as long as I have let alone be someone's mentor—turns out I'm not very good at it. I guess what I'm trying to say is...I'm sorry MK. For all of it."

(3x14 Destiny Fulfilled)

-

This was also alluded to in 3x05 Amnesia Rules:

Pigsy: "Of COURSE you don't remember the kid—one day you are going to grow up to be a terrible mentor!" Sun Wukong: "Ha! Zhu Bajie, can you imagine me teaching someone? HA!"

-

So, Wukong clearly didn't ever want to become a mentor, and this directly contradicts what Wukong says to MK in "A Hero is Born":

Sun Wukong: "You're perfect!" MK: "Perfect for what?" Sun Wukong: "To be...my successor!"

Honestly, think about it: has Wukong ever once actually needed a successor? When given the opportunity, he goes off and tries to handle things on his own anyways (Leaving in s2, wanting to go and reforge the Samadhi Fire on his own, going to stop LBD alone). It's the classic "we're being told one thing and shown another" trick.

Sun Wukong: "No no no- in case you forgot I'M retired, you're the one supposed to be taking care of the bad guys." (1x01 Bad Weather)

Even in 2x01 he's lying:

Sun Wukong: "Aw, come on bud! I promised myself that when I found a successor I'd go see some friends, take a tour of my old stomping grounds, just cut loose you know?" (2x01 Sleep bug)

It's proven in the next episode, and by the fact that all of his friends are dead/gone, that literally nothing he said here is true.

And, it's also note worthy to point out, that by this point Wukong had already disappeared for hundreds of years. Why step in again at all? Why put the effort into getting a successor you definitely were never prepared to have?

MK: "*sigh* You think Monkey King ever felt like this? Maybe that's why he stayed up on this mountain, just having a good time with you guys. You know cause- cause he knew he'd be out of the way where he couldn't hurt anyone he cared about." Macaque: "Or, he was doing his usual Wukong thing and being a lazy peach eating idiot. Ignoring all the worlds problems.

(4x09 Roast of the Monkie Kids)

-

So, I don't know about you, but I'm going to trust Macaque's insight on this. I'm not sure Wukong ever planned on coming back. Sealing DBK, he effectively cut off one of his last ties to the world (please go read wlw-wukong's thoughts, they are delightful), and he had already left the world alone for a long time. Why did he feel the need to train a successor now?

The simple answer is this: because he knew he needed to train MK and teach him to control his powers, and DBK's return was the perfect way to do it.

NOW. THE S4 MK VISIONS.

So, the visions MK see's all through out s4 (4x03, 4x04, 4x05, 4x06) are of Wukong ripping through the scroll and going to the stone—David Breen confirmed that himself in the above tweets.

Here's a list of what we see:

(4x03 The Great Tang Man)

-

(4x04 Pig Napped)

-

(4x05 Court of the Yellow Robbed Demon)

-

These are what I would say are the visions of Sun Wukong trying to find MK in the scroll. Yet, they are distinctly different from what Subodhi presses MK to remember ("Tell me of your childhood, your parents." "You do not remember?" "And what else?"):

(4x06 Show Me the Monster)

-

Look at that difference!

Every vision MK has includes the same scenes, except this one. That's why I think it's a memory; that and the way it's framed, with MK closing his eyes in focus. The other visions from 4x03, 4x04, and 4x05 all are unprompted, being forced upon MK. Why make this last "vision" so different from the others? Why show our mystery lady making the stone monkey? That would be because it's a memory—be it MK's, something from the scroll, or a mix of both.

There's also the matter of like, why Wukong going to the stone would trigger any sort of vision in MK to begin with. Overall, it just seems like there something more to those visions.

This would be how I imagine the general timeline playing out:

MK is created (through help of Sun Wukong), a beautiful baby boy pops out of the stone, and Sun Wukong "loses" that beautiful boy (if Wukong knew he was born to begin with) with MK finding his way to Pigsy's.

Then it's later Sun Wukong finds MK again, coming up with a plan to make MK his "successor" (still leaving MK with Pigsy, which I think was the right call lol). As Wukong says in 4x01, "You make ONE mistake, and no one ever let's you live it down! Looks like the ghosts of my past have finally caught up with me." That's what I think this parallel in particular is really trying to show off—in some way, MK is part of his past mistakes, just like Macaque is.

AND SO. I WILL CLOSE OFF THIS THEORY POST WITH EVERYTHING WE LEARNED IN THE SPECIAL.

Sun Wukong: "Heh, nothing gets under his skin more than a monkey. Leave Azure to MK and me."

(4x12 The Plan Man)

-

Sun Wukong: "Kinda embarrassing for the Jade Emperor to have two little cheeky monkeys running circles around him the first day on the job." MK: "Well, one monkey and one unconfirmed, but *laughs* yeah! I'd be embarrassed for sure!"

(4x13 Rip and Tear)

-

Wukong sounds suspiciously confident that MK is a monkey.

Not even MK is sure what he is (which he's probably just in denial, but also "Until I know what I am, what my destiny is?" from 4x08 anyone?), but Sun Wukong is extremely certain about what MK is.

Sun Wukong: "We got this bud. Would have liked to give you some new training with your monkey form, but-" MK: "Oh yeah yeah yeah- uh um- about that— um. I- I was thinking, I've never really needed a scary new monkey form before, so, I just thought maybe I'd use it next time." Sun Wukong: "Next time? Kid, there might not be a next time! This is the time."

MK: "It's be fine! Mei and I have got this awesome new armor and everything! You know, when we look this good? Ain't nothing gonna beat us." Sun Wukong: "Kid. New armor isn't going to cut it! We have to hit Azure with everything we've got! You can't just ignore this whole part of your power because it scares you!"

(4x12 The Plan Man)

-

If the writers were trying to highlight the fact that Wukong didn't know, this scene would have gone very differently. Instead of "You can't just ignore this whole part of your power because it scares you!" I think it would have been more along the lines of "I know this is new for all of us, but you've got to accept this part of your power!".

Even this exchange at the end of the special raises some alarm bells for me:

Pigsy: "Heh, don't bother. I've been telling him that for years but he LITERALLY never listens." Sun Wukong: "Yep! That's how we roll."

(4x14 Better Than We Found It)

-

That's how "we" roll? As in him and MK, as two monkeys? Again, Wukong is surprisingly chill and okay with this new form for someone whose first interaction with it was supposedly this:

MK, writhing on the ground in pain, completely destroying the world around him, and unable to control his powers.

Sun Wukong: "Yeah! Go MK, go! Just try not to totally wreck up my stuff would ya-"

(4x13 Rip and Tear)

-

Overall, it gives me the impression that Wukong already knew what MK was before 4x07. This new form didn't scare him because he always knew that's what MK was. MK, to Wukong, is MK! And MK has always been a Monkey Demon. He has unshakeable faith in his protege, and even while MK is absolutely tearing up the world around flower fruit mountain he can't help but cheer for him.

After all, Wukong knows MK is the only one who could defeat Azure:

MK: "Ne Zha's right—while Azure has the Jade Emperor's power and the scroll, there's NO way we could beat him head on!" Sun Wukong: "I mean, some of us could beat him! *ahem* One of us, specifically-" MK: "Nope! None of us at all."

(4x12 The Plan Man)

-

"But Imp!" I hear you say, "Wukong was talking about himself here!". To which I would reply, that's not true! This scene is right after Wukong has already said he only almost beat the Jade Emperor:

Sun Wukong: "But don't worry—I almost beat the Jade Emperor single handed once! Between both of us, Azure doesn't stand a chance." (4x12 The Plan Man)

-

Between this and Wukong's pre-fight convo with MK ("We have to hit Azure with everything we've got!"), he's clearly banking on MK using the full extent of his powers to win this fight. Wukong isn't banking on his own—if he were, he would never have left MK to go and collect the scroll pieces during their fight with Azure.

Conclusion

Sun Wukong knew MK was a monkey the whole time, lol—and fate has plans for MK. Great plans, or foul? Time will tell.

And Wukong has done his best to ensure that those plans are great.

[pseudoartistpostsstuff]

Alright alright- Bear with me here. Could I perhaps ask for a Yandere LU Chain, where Reader is like HUGE adventurer. Kinda like Wild in his game, exploring everywhere and stuff. But one day maybe Reader gets hurt on an adventure by a black-blooded creature, and the Chain is bit too late to save them. So Reader is like Twilight for a bit, although maybe they can also recover due to the Chain likely supporting them as much if not more than with Twilight. How would the Chain react to this afterwards? Would they be relieved, angry, or...? Both? Tbh I think overprotectiveness would just go brrrr after this-

Also, love love LOVE your writing! Seriously, HOW DO YOU DO THIS MAGIC? It's put together so well and istg i get goosebumps sometimes from this stuff.

Thank you!!!

Thank you very much for requesting, and I hope you enjoy this very late reply!

Notes aka author ramblings: Apollo slapped me in the face with random energy and motivation to write this, the inspiration came along the way and faded a bit more towards the end, so please take that into consideration 😭

Basically I wrote this on the span of 2-3 hours

What may look like a few plot holes was some ties I left untied on purpose because I felt like it'd probably sound too much like an info dump in the oneshot

But I have so many thoughts

And yes reader's codename is Stray

I hope I'm not rusty fr

TWs: Light yanderism, blood and wounds (not graphic), mentioned spiders, bullying, childhood trauma and exclusion.

Yandere! LU! Chain x Reader

Stray at heart, collared in body.

The world is big and full of stuff, and to say that you loved to explore it would be an understatement. Sometimes it felt like your biggest love was for adventuring, cause’ of course it was! How could anyone not love to find new places, objects, people— Even animals and magical creatures!

It was the type of subject that got you rambling and all excited.

Of course, you weren't exactly one of those pure born hyruleans, you weren't even from Hyrule, for starters, so you lacked the elegant pointy ears, and, well, the actual magic and luck that came with being one so close to Hylia as the race that descended from the Goddess herself.

That definitely hindered your explorations, leaving you bare handed when it came to healing and all things good and helpful for explorers like you. Still, none of that ever stopped you.

Actually, it was the thing that moved you to start in the first place, back when you were very young.

Back then, in the village you came from yet never considered home, the whole place felt filled to the brim with boredom-inducing stillness — or so you remembered, and so your childish eyes told you — you felt like it wasn't worth staying there.

It was going to be still and empty of fun forever, you could never be happy staying locked down there when so many new and yet ancient things were waiting for you everywhere else!

Needless to say, your head was constantly in the clouds, though, maybe that was a good thing after a while. It certainly shielded you from feeling too lonely when you started to actually notice you were being excluded by the rest of the children.

The stares and quiet giggles weren't easy to bear, but you just learned to deal with them with time, keeping yourself focused on your future instead, the future you wanted to build far away from that place.

Of course, as you are now today, and after learning about and interacting with so many different cultures, learning what you could from their knowledge, some things stuck with you.

Like the knowledge that now you had, that the children weren't ever the ones at fault in the first place.

Their stares and giggles mainly mimicked, almost perfectly, the ones who teached them to act that way, their glares and mockery.

Sometimes you wondered how your own parents managed to cope with being badly spoken about in the mouths of other adults from that village, the ones who insisted in believing your restless adventurous spirit from such a young age could be nothing else but bad parenting or a curse to the family.

You used to believe it, wish it was real and you either were or had a curse. That would mean that you at least had a percentage of magic in your veins, even if it wasn't exactly the best type.

Because it turns out, you didn't fit in with the most of Hyrule, either. Your normalness kept them away just like your strangeness used to keep away those around you during your childhood.

In fact, that acquired you the nickname of “Stray”.

Stray. Stray because at heart, no matter the community you shoved your way into, you didn't truly belong anywhere. You belonged to the world around you, and nothing could force that out of you.

It was deeply etched into your very soul.

Or so they said.

Well, a group of people begged to differ.

You've heard of a “hero” and a “triangle trio” thing more than a few times already when you roamed the remaining villages of Hyrule, but the last thing you were expecting to find was nine heroes traveling together in a group.

However, none of them belonged here anymore, and so that spoke directly to your inner child, the one who was used to being the only one, always related to some synonym of lonely.

You were often called “Stray” by them rather than your own name, but you still wore the name with pride, because now you were in no way the only stray present anymore.

They were also the reason you stopped wishing for a curse of a magic of some kind. Because you were more than aware that then they'd also have to force you into an imprisonment of some kind.

Still, you already felt achieved.

Finally.

What else could you wish for? You were finally able to explore to your heart's content.

Though not without many worried glances and startled yells sent your way every time you got near anything that left you endangered in some way.

And the best part, you weren't shunned anymore.

At least not by them. Villager's still gave you uneasy and passive aggressive glances.

The one you were probably the closest to was the one named “Wild”, or so they called him — calling all of them “Link” wasn't ideal — after all, out of all of them, he was the one who was most in tune with you.

You were both from the same time period, which already differed from the others, but he wasn't able to fit in anymore due to his lack of ties to any community.

Of course, you were more than aware you still weren't the same. If he tried, he'd still be able to settle down anywhere he wanted, but he still had a job to do which rendered him unable to do so, therefore you made yourself believe you were still alike in some way.

It would hurt too much to not do so, your sanity was at sake here.

They made it so easy too. being all friendly and welcoming. You finally felt at home, in peace.

What else could you truly wish for?

Although, maybe singing victory and yapping about happiness wasn't the smartest idea when they were all in a dangerous mission. And you, of course, were involved.

You were all exploring — or rather, just walking through — a forest on the way to some village at the very ends of Hyrule.

The people of that village didn't travel much, but they had something your group wanted, therefore, your group had to go to them instead.

Being the dumbass, air head, you were, instead of walking in the middle of the moving crowd of fully capable heroes, you found yourself roaming the edges, gawking at whatever you could see yet not reach for past the edges of the path you were all following.

Time was keeping his eye on you — the only working one he had — the whole time, making sure you wouldn't wander off. You felt like a kid.

And just like a kid, the very moment he got distracted, killing a Skulltula, you wandered off.

However, turns out there wasn't just one spider.

The forest was infested, which definitely explained why the village folk were so against the idea of wandering too far past the starts of the foliage and the big thick bushes surrounding and protecting the narrow path you traveled by.

Didn't take too long for you to be found by something else rather than your friends, who by now, must have been definitely looking for you.

They never took long to notice your disappearances, the opposite actually, which used to annoy you a lot since Wild never had to face the same overprotectiveness. Not even Wind!

Now, your desire to prove them wrong brought you face to face with one of said spiders.

Maybe they weren't that wrong...?

And, just you luck! The thing undoubtedly had black blood.

Just like a kid, you failed to remember or acknowledge the fact your group just happened to be chased by those types of monsters earlier, some still following you.

It just slipped your mind, completely.

Just like you slipped on the mud on your way out of the trees and back to the narrow path where your friends’ yells and blurry faces were awaiting and rushing towards you worriedly.

When did it start raining enough to create mud?

The mud smelled metallic.

Your memory was blurry, the world itself felt blurry.

Still, you half remembered, like a far away memory, stumbling out of the thick bushes and into many arms, blood equally as thick dripping from a gash in your abdomen like a waterfall in a rainy — stormy, more like — day.

Then, like a blink, a very long blink, your consciousness was gone.

It took an overly long while for you to wake up. It felt like sleeping during a rainy night, you never wanted to wake up the morning after, and even if you felt like waking up was the best idea, your body refused to open it's eyes.

Only difference was that for you it felt like an overly long rainy night, and like you spent the following week still asleep.

At some point sleeping even became boring.

And you had 9 voices in your head telling you to wake up “please”, when they weren't chatting — worriedly, most of the time — amongst each other. Didn't sound like the usual, to be honest.

When you did come to it, it was in a slow, painful way.

Your head felt like someone banged their shield against it multiple times. If bone was able to bleed, your skull would have been bleeding.

Your eyes also felt tired, despite having just woken up from a long, restless and dreamless nap.

However, your throat felt surprisingly fine, and so did the rest of your body, though you felt numb and weak.

Instantly, your senses were crowded by familiar scents a bit too close to you.

Twilight's was the one which overwhelmed the others, and was paired with the feeling of fur and warmth, overwhelming warmth.

Your body definitely felt too hot. that much you could tell. Though the sight of the many blankets, coats and furs — one specific dark gray fur, actually — explained that, and also the weight on top of you.

With some strain and trembling limbs, you sat up. Instantly regretting it when the sleepy feeling which was still clouding your mind and leaving your movements sluggish got torn away from your body by the force of a sharp pain on your abdomen, strong enough to challenge the dull one still hammering inside your head.

You made a groan of pain and pushed the pile of warmth on top of you to the side, making it fall off the cot you were laying in, exposing the reason for your pain.

This triggered a gasp from somewhere near you. You didn't pay attention, too focused on the strange sight of a large bandaged wound on your belly.

“Stray! You're awake! You're finally awake...” The voice came from above, you could recognize the soft yet shaky tone of Hyrule.

Yet the body which wrapped around your shoulders carefully, and clearly as gently as possible, were definitely from Sky.

“We thought we wouldn't be able to…” Sky swallowed some of his shaky words, trying to spare you from listening to his rambling and sobbing at the same time.

Hyrule grabbed your hand on the bed, opposite to Sky's side.

“You're even worse than Twilight in the “no response to potions or enchantments” aspect…” He gave you a weak smile, now you could guess why it took you so long to wake up.

They had to resort to different methods to try and keep you alive.

You made a face and nodded slowly, also leaning a bit more into Sky now that you weren’t that surprised anymore.

It took less than about 2 minutes for the rest of the group to come back to see you, which was quite curious for you, considering there weren't any messages exchanged through anyone — Sky and Hyrule refused to leave your side, and nobody else was around — and they were all the way out of camp and into a village's market.

Guess you'd never know how they found out.

Your recovery took far longer to finish than Twilight's, considering you had no previous strength built against the black stuff, so you just spent your time sitting around or being carried.

The fact you were, in fact, able to walk, was just another reason for that extreme boredom.

And you weren't even carried to many places! Just around camp!

To say you were itching to touch the grass with your actual flesh and feel the thrill of seeing new things again would be an absolute misunderstanding.

And of course you wanted to bound to the first available place you could the very moment you were released from your inability to carry yourself around.

Did you, though? No, not really.

“I'm gonna check out that pond.” You yawned with serotonin coursing through your veins. The same restless feeling you always got when you saw the beach, despite having seen it many times.

It was around the fourth or fifth time you asked to go check out something. The answer was always the same.

This time you felt completely healed though, so you were hopeful!

“And get attacked by that bokoblin?” Legend crossed his arm with a deep frown, he was always frowning, but that frown just seemed more deeper than the others you've seen before.

“What bokoblin?” It confused you, the pond was absolutely empty when it came to any live beings, though maybe not if you counted the greenery and a few fish.

“There could be one. You didn't see the skulltula last time, did you?”

Well that made you frown. It hit you directly where it hurt.

And now you were unsure about venturing that way.

You nodded, slowly.

“I'll get Warriors to go with you, if you want, once he's back from the planning with Time and Twilight. For now, let's just do some crocheting?”

You always tried to convince him you could go alone.

This time, you voiced no opinion.

[ronearoundblindly]

Hi!! I just found your blog and 😭😭 you're so talented, like, what?? I def need more!!! I dunno if this is how it works, or if you're still doing the dirty asks game, but I was thinking maybe E,K,U and S (or Z!) for Johnny?

Have a lovely day!! oh, and well, happy new year 🙂‍↕️

Prompts are from this ask game and part of my ongoing list of answers! You can also find A, B, C, D, and V already answered for this boi.

Warnings for...well...they are dirty asks so be prepared for sexy and sexual content 😉 including (but not limited to) discussion of oral, somnophilia, ummmm tickling? emotional unavailability? and idk other stuff. MINORS DNI.

Happy New Year! I love ya! I appreciate you taking the time, dearie 💜 Happy reading... 😈💋

K - Kissing

So this...implies some romance that's not typical for Johnny. His kissing is less emotional and more intense and deep--but seriously, it's not an indication of his longterm interest or level of affection. (There is an exception to this which is Johnny has no problem giving hickies. He will mark. you. up. ((He can't be marked in the same way due to healing.))

HOWEVER, those small, nonchalant pecks--if Johnny ends up smooching you and it doesn't lead to sex, it wasn't in the middle of sex, or especially if there's no one around to see it,--that's THE REAL DEAL. Something utterly devoted has sparked inside him if (and when) Johnny slows down to kiss you. Or slows for any reason, really.

In regards to where Johnny likes to kiss or be kissed? Again, he's not much of a kisser. He's big on touching and groping and tickling, since he's a goofball and true 'player,' i.e. Johnny is nearly always playful, but once there's a connection made with you, he...

okay, so, the thing is, he actually does like to be kissed, and the place that drives Johnny wild is above his dick, right at his adonis belt, that v-cut, the pubes. This is so ridiculously intimate/possessive/reverent; he can barely handle the conflicting drives to melt beneath or conquer you. Strange thing...he would have thought the proximity would just make him want a blowjob but instead he's a goner.

U - Underwear

Commando. Easy-Access Man. Next question.

LOL, just kidding. Mostly, Johnny wears nothing, certainly not with his Human Torch second skin. He used to wear boxers but lost too many of those to a smoldering heap. No point.

On women? Crotchless panties are his favorite, but there's this new trend of booty shorts--he's very, very into them. Generally, he would have thought anything less-is-more would be best in his eyes, but there's this kinda *pop* in the stretchy fabric when it jumps over the swell of your ass...mmhmmm IT'S GOOD.

S - Sleepy Sex

Sleepy morning? You are 100% welcome to wake him up with some head or ride his cock to your heart's content, but Johnny himself doesn't usually start stuff first thing. This goes hand in hand with him being unable to slow down much. He's all about releasing tension before bed though. A good romp to tire him out and calm the mind? Absofuckinglutely. No, he doesn't particularly care if you were already asleep. You'll thank him later. Don't worry. It's always worth your his while.

Z - Zones

Classic man. Go for his neck or his crotch. Johnny is a #basicbitch in this respect. It feeds his ego to be touched all over--duh, he's got this glorious bod, you should want to touch him,--but he has never been a fan of biting, on him or on others. Since he's just about always in the mood, it does not take a lot of foreplay to get him ready.

E - Extra Info

Unpopular opinion: I imagine that perhaps the ultimate show of love/devotion/possession to Johnny is not marriage and all that normal stuff but, instead, if you let him brand you.

He works hard and focuses to not burn people, so you allowing him permanently claim you as his--which he would not do in a casual way, not with random hookups and one-night-stands, not until he is sure that word won't get back to Sue who would kill him--shows a level of trust he didn't believe he would want much less earn.

Johnny is aware he's a ridiculous and kinda stunted man-child emotionally. He's smart enough to know that. Johnny will never stop being grateful to the woman who can stick around, see past it, and grow with him...playfully, of course. You should never stop roasting him about the man-child-ness.

Thank you for asking!

[Main Masterlist; Dirty Asks Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

[5ummit]

Permanent Blacklists for AO3

Would you like to permanently remove fics with your squicks, triggers, and dislikes from all AO3 searches by default so that you never have to think about or encounter them again? Well now you can!

The ability to do this has actually been around for a little while but it relies on some new CSS functionality that wasn't supported on all major browsers until fairly recently (though you may still have to enable it manually on some). I'm not going to explain how this method works or how to code AO3 skins in general, as I've only dabbled in it a little and there are already some very good tutorials out there. If you want all of the details, check out these guides:

Skins and Archive Interface FAQ – The official skins guide created by AO3. Lots of good information but might be overwhelming and confusing for a beginner.

A Non-Extensive Guide on How to Start Creating a Skin for AO3 by ao3skin – Some good, fairly easy to understand, beginner info on CSS and specifically how it applies to AO3 skins.

Permablocking Specific Tags - Site Skin by Eli0t – Everything you need to know to create permablock lists. If your blacklist doesn't seem to be working as expected, check this for troubleshooting tips.

What I can offer though are some handy pre-made blacklists that you can use as-is or as a starting point to create your own so that you don't have to go to the trouble of figuring out how any of this works or hunting down relevant tags. Just copy the code, open AO3, go to My Preferences > Skins > Create Site Skin, paste it in the box, title it, and click Submit!

Note: The following lists are very specific to me and my own personal tastes. Absolutely no judgement if you love any of the things that I choose to blacklist. You do you. I just happen to like my fics fucked up and relatively canonical.

★ No Reader Fic – Hides all self-insert and reader fic.

★ No Alternate Universes – Hides anything tagged with the most common AU tags. There are so many incredibly specific AUs there's no way to list all of them and AU tagging is also extremely inconsistent from fic to fic so this blacklist may only catch 80% of AUs, but that's better than nothing. You could always exclude the entire alternate universe tag, rather than trying to list specific ones, but unfortunately canon divergence and other less extreme AUs would get caught in the crossfire, which is not worth it for me.

★ No Fluff – Hides anything tagged with the most common fluff and romance tags. I specifically left out "fluff and angst" though because sometimes that's used for things that are mostly angst with only a bit of fluff and I do love angst.

★ Bonus: No Dead Dove – This list is not mine (for obvious reasons) but I know some people may find it useful. Hides anything with the main archive warnings and many common problematic, taboo, or controversial tags. Some of these I wouldn't even classify as dead dove, they're literally just kinks, so I'd suggest reviewing the list carefully and removing any that don't apply to you.

Additional Notes:

This system doesn't work exactly the same as AO3's exclusion filters because you can't use top-level wrangled tags to block all subtags. It only blocks exact matches.

Once the blacklist is implemented you'll see no indication that anything was blocked (except for fewer fics listed on each search page); the entire blurb will be hidden. The tags and fic counts listed in the filter bar will remain unchanged. If you want more advanced features like whitelisting or adding something to indicate when a fic was removed, check out the permablocking guide by Eli0t.

Here's a link with info on which browsers currently support the new "has()" element, which this blacklist system relies on. As of right now Firefox for desktop still has to be manually enabled (for instructions see the section on flag enabling in the permablocking guide). Firefox for iOS isn't listed on this website but it seems to work fine for me.

There are other browser-specific extensions that let you permablock tags, such as this one and this one, that may be more a little more user friendly, but I've never tried them so I can't vouch for them and they may not work consistently between different devices. The good thing about doing blacklists via skins is that, after setting it up once, it should work automatically on pretty much any device (as long as you're logged in to your AO3 account).

[blissfulrain12]

Tulpar Crew and Housing

So I've been thinking about the crew and how they live cause a part of the draw for their kind of work is not having to pay rent, bills, or buy groceries for a year. That means they have to find housing for inbetween trips. Housing they can be away from for around a year at a time.

Swansea and Daisuke are easy cause they live with family. Daisuke has a home with his parents. Swansea's wife maintains their home while he's away. These 2 are fine on the housing front. Just try not to think about the fact Swansea's wife might need his paycheck and she won't be getting it so she might be facing poverty on top of losingher husband.

It's the 30ish trio we have no info on. So based on what we do know I've made some guesses. Curly has like a room where he stays with family. Anya rents an apartment while Jimmy is always moving.

Curly seems to have a very active and social life and also seems like he's been working for PE since he first started working. He's likely in space more than he's home. I really doubt PE pays him what he's actually worth but he's able to afford to do winter sports and join other people's hobbies. So all that in mind Curly having a room with his parents or a sibling just makes sense to me. Like Curly stays there but he doesn't really live there cause he's just always out doing something with someone. He basically just stores his stuff and sometimes sleeps there. I don't think his family would mind cause he'd help out when he's there and contribute to the mortgage and having him stay there means they're guaranteed to see him before he's off again.

I think Anya has her own apartment that she's got a multi year lease on the she renews. I don't think we know anything about her family and she seems a bit of an introvert. She has to have a place to keep her things especially her books since she studies a lot. She'd also need a safe/familiar area for jogging. So an apartment in an area she's used to. I imagine paying rent on the apartment is contributing to her no savings situation.

Finally Jimmy moves around a lot cause he's been on that poverty struggle. His housing wasn't really stable before PE but it is easier after. We get nothing on Jimmy's family though he does seem to know Curly's friends. I assume they're his friends too but probably not as much as they are to Curly since they're only mentioned in relation to Curly. Jimmy probably doesn't have a lot of things since he thinks hobbies are for the rich. So before PE I can see him struggling to make rent and because of that his rental history prevents him from finding a place after PE. I think he "couch surfs" sometimes but Jimmy being Jimmy people only make that mistake once. So I think he ends up in a lot of not so great short term rentals but doesn't mind as much cause working in space makes it more to his benefit.

[wings-of-ink]

Looking for your Input for IF Patreon

Hello my friends and neighbors! I hope you are all safe and well. I had some things to share with you and I am once again fishing for thoughts and opinions.

Like many of us who create these IFs, I am strongly considering a Patreon. I have no plans to go exclusively to Patreon, so don't fret. I want to make extra content to go along with any IF I work on, and I'd like to be able to put more things into these projects such as real art (including character portraits), and not just the stuff I flounder through on Canva. I'd like to pay my artist a fair wage and devote more of my time to this. Getting some support would help me allocate even more to these projects and extras. I'm testing the waters here to see if it's sustainable for both myself and subscribers as well. I do not know what timeframe I'm looking at to start this either.

I only want to do this if it's worth the while for everybody, so I'm putting out feelers and asking for your input.

Most of all - I want to know what you want in a Patreon sub. I also want to know what you feel to be a fair sub price for different tiers. Over the years, when I have been able, I have subbed to help support my favorite creators at all different levels. So, I have some ideas on what I am looking for in a subscription, what keeps me coming back, and what prices are both fair for the effort of the creator as well as for my pocket. But, what suits me may not be what you want, so that's why I need some feedback.

Below, I have compiled my ideas, so far, for possible tiers. None of these are set in stone, just a framework to build on to see if I'm on the right track. At the bottom is a poll (of course, it's like my favorite thing), and is probably the first of a few about this topic I will use. I welcome comments and suggestions on this topic. Tell me what you are looking for in a Patreon. What do you want from one each month? What keeps you subscribed? Please feel free to comment below or to send comments and suggestions via the Ask inbox, especially if you prefer to be anon (do let me know if you do not want your response posted - I may post some that either have questions or that I find relevant to the conversation).

I still do not know for certain what the ultimate future of God-Cursed will look like (meaning when it is all finished). I've played with the idea of eventually refining it to sell on itch and/or Steam. I have to admit that being able to do so would really feel like a huge accomplishment to me. I've always had dreams of being published and such, and it feels like a part of that dream. I, personally, prefer to buy IFs through either platform whenever I can. It supports my favorite authors, shows my appreciation, it compiles my favorite stories into an easy-to-find library, and I can relive my favorite stories over and over easily. So, needless to say, this is calling to me more and more.

Anyway, what I have come up with so far for possible offerings are these. Please let me know if something like this would work for you or if you have any suggestions for improvement:

An appreciation/tip jar - if the other tiers aren't for you or you just want to give a little love. Subscribers could get updates and public posts, and participation in polls.

A "Supporter" level - all the other stuff plus GC demo releases 1 month (30 days) in advance. I debated about the time, but I want to really make the early access feel worth it. This level would also be privy to some "insider" info (things cut, character development, the egregious typos, etc…). Of course there would be some sort of dev-log to go with this as well.

A "Plus" tier - all the above plus early release of demos for other IFs, more "behind the scenes" type things, and I'm thinking some POVs and other extra content (some interactive) such as short stories. These extras need not be exclusive to IFs either if anyone is interested in other things I write.

"SMUT" or "Spicy" tier - (being very honest, I'd be the most excited for this tier, lol) all the above including all things smut for each IF. This will include interactive extras, short stories, and any other horny content we want. Likely will run some polls and take suggestions for the spice you desire each month.

"Smut plus" (lol) - all the above, PLUS a patreon-only IF that I will have in the works (so, access to 3 projects in total). I have an idea for an IF that will focus on 1 RO at a time (each with their own complete and unique story within the same world), and I am itching to write it even if updates for it will be a bit slow. It will be more like a traditional dating sim type thing and may comprise all sorts of genres. This may be one that would be good for just subscribing on months that will have updates, and that's something I would probably post about publicly so if you're just interested in getting access, you don't have to worry about staying subbed.

And finally a sort of "Power Supporter" tier - this may be like a limited number sort of thing and be a bit pricey (not sure yet how much). You'd get a custom interactive story set in whatever world of mine you want that can be spicey or not. You'd give me all your MC's details (mostly cannon things but some liberties could be taken), physical traits and personality, and pick your RO and/or other desired characters. I'd take prompts or ideas from you as well concerning what you'd like in the story. You want a sexcapade - you can have that. You want to have tea with Oswin and his weird twin sisters - you got it. The main limitations are spoilers, of course, especially for any mystery ROs depending on when and if this all comes to pass. There may be some subject-matter that I will not write about, but I'd let you know what is out of bounds for me.

Naturally, I would also pop your name in the credits, I just don't know which tier that should go on.

So, there you have it. This has been on my mind for a while and I've gotten some questions and messages asking about if I will do something like this, so I'd like to give it a go at least.

Looking forward to hearing your ideas and desires! ^_^

~Lunan

[ronsenthal]

Ron Speirs x Female!Reader

Summary: After you helped Dick Winters and Lewis Nixon the word spread and soon enough this captain would come to your office too. 

A/N: First of all, I would like to apologize, this is my first time writing something, I’m pretty nervous and english is not my first language, I’ll just try my best. I had this idea after listening to Blank Space (Taylor’s version) on repeat and also looking for some Speirs info and found out his ridiculously pretty handwriting???? and then I realized that he is so Taylor coded and this came to my mind.

so this one goes out to my fellow BoB lovers who are also Swifties!! Hope y’all enjoy it and if you could leave some feedback I would very much appreciate it.

If only you knew that taking typing classes would lead you to live this life from city to city, seeing horrors, tragedy and pain, feeling cold, hopeless and tired beyond anything you could imagine or explain you would have had second thoughts. But then again, every smile from your friends, every stupid joke they would tell just to lighten the mood, every cup of “coffee” you would share would make it more bearable. “Yes, it was worth it” you told yourself countless nights before falling asleep and dreaming of hope it would all end, if not soon, at some point. 

“Yes, it was worth it” you told yourself after one night that you had too many drinks with Nix, you wish you could tell the same about Dick, but he would never allow himself to do so, but he also enjoyed the night out with his friends. It was only natural that you would end up following those two, after all, with some luck you ended up being assigned to help out Dick with the mess he was making at his office duties. After some time and after figuring out how to understand the man it became really enjoyable. 

Those nights that they would tell their stories for you to organize it down in a report for your superiors were as fun as they could be, given the circumstances.

Nix wouldn’t even bother to try to write his reports once he discovered how fast you could type and how concise you would turn Dick’s endless essays into comprehensive, yet detailed reports, soon enough you were helping both of your COs, your friends.

“(Y/N) I believe you have this weird super power, are you sure you are human?” Nix said after half a bottle of Vat-69, raising his eyebrows as if he was looking at you with this invisible magnifying glass. 

Dick only shook his head in disbelief. Sometimes you thought that they looked like one of those old married couples, knowing each other's quirks and peeves and yet somehow, finding it all amusing. You wondered if you could find someone like this in this God forsaken world you were living. 

One day you found it, but thinking back it wasn't easy at first and as it took some time to even lower your guard on your own brain, and allow yourself to think about it, about HIM. 

Ronald Speirs had quite a reputation, everybody knew the rumors, every man saw the things he so recklessly did on the field. His men were as afraid as the enemy, so it took you by surprise when after Foy he also started to hang out with you, Dick and Nix. The first time there was silence on the table after he arrived, you didn’t even had the chance to introduce yourself politely as Dick started out his endless questions about how the Easy men were doing, and then Nix introduced some drinks, yet you two never exchanged one word to each other before that day.

After a while his presence started to make you feel a little bit comfortable, especially after Dick assured you that he was a good man, a good leader and being a big brother figure, he wouldn’t let Speirs offer you a cigarette. Since then you could catch a glimpse at how his eyes shone even in the dark, how he looked tired after an operation. He wasn’t scary anymore, he was just another officer that from time to time would hang out with your friends.

After some time you started to get used to his presence around chasing Dick and Nix up and down, something you did yourself as they were like big brothers to you, protecting, giving their piece of advice and taking care of you. Soon enough you started to feel more comfortable around Speirs too, once you even called him Ronald after a couple of drinks.

Then one afternoon it took you by surprise when he knocked at your office, looking tired as hell with a pile of files on one hand, a pair of boots in the other one and a half burnt cigarette hanging on his lips.

“Sorry to disturb you (Y/L/N), but Nixon said you could help me out with this paperwork? I’ll be in real trouble if I don’t turn them in this evening. Also, he said you could use this one” Speirs told you while putting a tiny pair of combat boots on your desk and taking of his cap, not even giving you time to reply, not even looking at you.

“What in the name of god are you thinking? What the hell is Lewis thinking? You guys think I don’t have anything better to do, I have enough work to do, just look at this endless pile of work, so no, thank you, good luck” you said throwing your arms in exasperation, complaining and pointing out the huge paper files on your desk.

He stared at you in horror as if you were one of those german panzers, he opened and closed his mouth, trying to find the words but he couldn’t. You felt a twist in your stomach, looking at him you could see he was embarrassed, you never saw him so vulnerable and tired, this man could use some proper sleep. As he was turning on his heels to leave while muttering sorry a thousand times, guilt took the best of you.

“Wait” you said, closing your eyes knowing right after the word left your mouth how stupid it would be, after all you could use some sleep too, you deserved it. He slowly turned to face you.

“I’ll do it, but you better help me out and you are not allowed to smoke while we do that, I hate the smell”

You could swear you saw an amused smile on his face when he threw his last pack of Luckys on your desk. Soon enough you prepared your typewriter checking if you had enough ribbon and paper for your work, finally you sat down and stared at the man in front of you, it took him a few seconds to realize you were ready to start. 

At some point he took his jacket off and slowly put it on the chair he was sitting on, took of his tie and rolled up his sleeves, you tried not to stare at the man in front of you. If he caught you looking up and down he never said a word. It was not the first time you stared at this much feared man, truth be told you caught yourself staring at him more than once. Nix being the observant little bitch he was had this creepy little smile when he caught you one night looking at the Easy captain. You muttered something like “I’m gonna kill you” and prayed to god that he could send the biggest crate of whisky he could find so Lewis would get so drunk he would forget it.

You cleaned your throat, took a deep breath and asked for a small pause to take a glass of water. The man nodded and took a few steps to the little window and watched the landscape outside until you said you were finally ready again. “Back to work” you said to yourself.

….. 

When you two finished the sun was no longer up, just in time for him to turn on the report. While working on he would tap his fingers on your desk and look nervously at the watch on his wrist, but he never complained or tried to hurry you up. He quickly looked at the papers you cautiously handed him and shook his head, approving the final result.

“So that’s it?” he asked you, his voice soft and quiet.

“Yes that’s it, just write your name over here and we’re done” you said pointing at the blank space you left over his name at the end of the paper. 

He asked if you could borrow a pen for him to use and said a few “thanks” while signing the paper before leaving your office and storming out in the direction of the HQ, he never returned your pen but you didn’t even mind.

Then after composing yourself by stretching your back and taking a sip of your already cold coffee you decided to head down to the closest pub you could find, but firstly you changed your boots. Nix was right as you could use some new ones, but since you were so small compared to the rest of the guys it was nearly impossible to find some fitting boots, yet Speirs somehow got his hand in a pair just of the right size.

When you finally arrived at the bar your eyes took a few seconds to adjust to the lighting of the room, you then scanned the tables looking for Nix and Dick. When you recognized the friendly faces you started to move towards them, but then you felt a tap on your shoulders and turned to see who it was. 

“Hey excuse me Y/L/N, Captain Speirs asked me to hand you this” It was Lieutenant Lipton holding an envelope in his hand, like it was a classified piece of information that could change the war. This man took his duties very seriously, you thought to yourself as you took the envelope and put it in your pocket.

“Thank you Lieutenant” you said smiling at the officer in front of you, who smiled back and took his leave joining his men at the other table. 

You then walked to the barman and asked for a beer, when you were reaching into your pocket to find some money to pay the man he shook his head and his hands as if trying to say no, he paused a few seconds trying to remember the words in your language and explained the best way he could that someone had taken care of it, offered you some food, the most glorious, golden fried potatoes you’ve ever saw in your life.

As you walked down to the table holding your plate the Easy men stared at you as if you were a goddess walking on water or something, then started to shout at the barman asking for the same food. Dick and Nix exchanged a funny look between each other and Nix tried to take some of your fries before you slapped his hand. 

When you tried the first one you closed your eyes, it hit you like a full speed train crashing into a wall, so many emotions one after another, after months of terrible stinky food there was this little piece of heaven. You took a big gulp of the beer in front of you, and then someone put another pint in front of you, and then another one, and another one. You could swear it was the best feeling in quite some time, the men shouting and laughing all around you telling tales and jokes about Toccoa Camp, Sobel or Dike or some officer they hated, Nixon pestering Dick about something, all the stuff, all at once you almost forgot the place you were, what you were fighting for. 

Forgot….. 

Then you remembered the note that Speirs left you and you suddenly felt a rush that almost made you fall off your chair. You don’t know if it was the fourth (or fifth?) beer you had but you felt your hands trembling as you opened the envelope. Inside there was this carefully folded paper, you stared at it for some time before gathering the courage to open it, just to find this beautiful handwriting, you didn’t expect to come from the toughest son of a bitch in the entire army. 

“Dearest (Y/N),

Thank you so much for your help today. I will never forget it and I will find a way to repay you somehow. One night you said that as a kid you used to eat french fries when you were feeling down, so I took the liberty to ask Matthijs the barman to do something special for you. 

I hope it brings you a piece of home! Enjoy whatever you want, he is going to put on my account and don’t even try to argue with him or me about it”

Sincerely yours.

Capt. Ronald Speirs.

“P.S: I have some more paperwork due to the next week, I hope you don’t mind”

You smiled to yourself as you read it again and again, every time your heart would jump when you stopped at the YOU, your name written, your brain froze right there as if it could take a picture just by staring. You didn’t mind that he would eventually bring more work, because somehow he managed to do so, he brought you home. 

You were tired, drunk and your head was spinning a little but if someone ever asked you then yes: it was worth it.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

hey! so i hope this isn’t too creepy/nosey, but im a medical student and i was reading your possible fibromyalgia post and have a couple ideas lol. full important disclaimer that im only partly into my studies and im currently in the hypochondriac phase and also your summary was amazing but a real doc would ask way more questions, so please consult with an actual doc and take everything i say with a grain of salt! but like your symptoms aren’t nothing so i would def encourage finding a doc that you trust to do a proper exam and run some tests. also im operating under the assumption that you’re under 50 lol, bc if you’re over 50ish that’s a whole diff list of possible diagnoses.

so the thirst thing you’re talking about is often called polydipsia and is commonly associated with diabetes insipidus. that’s not the normal diabetes you think about, but happens when your body can’t regulate fluids in your body properly. id think of this if you’re also peeing a lot lol. your doc would have to do some kidney tests for that, which wouldn’t be part of the blood panel you mentioned. i’m a little skeptical that it’s hypokalemia bc that would’ve showed up on your blood test results. it could be transient electrolyte imbalances when you exercise so have one of those electrolyte packets when you exercise lol, bc it never hurts to try the easy solutions first, but chronic low potassium should’ve shown up? tho eating sweet potatoes has never hurt.

other things it could be is a lower motor neuron problem bc you mentioned twitches and muscle weakness which is typical for those. i def can’t say more without tests, but look into/get your doc to look into myasthenia gravis or LEMS and see if either of those fit. i think it’s possible bc these often also start with face/upper body symptoms, but would need way more questions/tests to know. it’s unlikely but could also be a glycogen storage disease called McArdle disease bc you describe a second wind thing when you exercise along with exercise intolerance. that’s super rare tho so it’s unlikely unless someone in your family has it/has similar symptoms.

also look into autoimmune stuff like rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, and sjögrens disease. i have way less useful info on that bc we haven’t gotten to it in class yet lol, but sjögrens looks promising bc you often get dry mouth with it, and it often goes along with rheumatoid arthritis which could explain the joint stuff possibly.

it’s also totally possible this is fibromyalgia, but i would be cautious diagnosing it bc it often comes with fatigue and cognitive stuff which you didn’t mention. it’s also more of a pain thing, and doesn’t include your twitches/dry mouth. it’s def possible, and it was def something i thought of when i saw your symptoms, but personally i would want to rule out other stuff first bc fibromyalgia is pretty vague and often a diagnosis of exclusion when other things don’t fit.

sorry for overwhelming you!! i just saw your post and was like hmmm those symptoms sound like Something. again take my advice with a big grain of salt, but i do really think it’s worth asking your doc about it and getting tests done, bc even if there aren’t cures there are def treatments to help with a bunch of this stuff. it doesn’t sound urgent, but at least from your post your symptoms don’t sound like run of the mill aches and pains. hope you figure stuff out!!

The problem with 'muscles don't work right ouchy and I am also tired' is that it's a symptom for Absolutely Everything That Can Be Wrong With The Body. Is it cancer? Is it a terrible diet and sleep schedule? Who knows!

The doctor ran a diabetes test with the blood panel and it came up negative, but I don't know if that checks for weird kinds of diabetes. (Diabetes does not run in my family until we get very old.) That test was memorable because I have stupid fragile veins that freak out and collapse at the mere sight of a needle so I had to get stabbed nine times, they didn't manage to get the middle reading at all, and in the end they resorted to just stabbing my thumb with one of those diabetes home blood test thingies and manually squeezing my blood out into a tube drop by drop.

I looked up polydipsia and I don't think I have that. I think I just prefer my mouth to be wetter than my salival glands want it to be. 🤷‍♀️I think most of my problems are probably not related to any rare chronic disease, but just run-of-the-mill autism making it hard to look after myself or properly notice and process my physical condition and adapt accordingly. I don't eat enough fresh foods because it's hard to plan with the very short timeframe to prepare and eat them in. I'm uncoordinated and damage my body a lot through overwork or using muscles incorrectly because autism makes it hard to keep track of those things. My mouth feels dry and my skin feels itchy and my muscles feel sore because that's what being autistic feels like. My sleep schedule is garbage because my executive function is garbage and even once I do manage to get myself into the bed I can't just "go to sleep", I pass out when I'm ready to pass out.

I'm not saying it's impossible for anything else to be going on, but I think the known factor is the simplest explanation here. It's 2:30pm and I've been putting off breakfast for five hours. Every time I go into the kitchen I get distracted by housework instead. I am very hungry. This is not behaviour that is conducive to a well-functioning body.

[lilyblackdrawside]

My first impression of IS5 after clearing once (on the second attempt, would've gotten it on the first if the boss popup wasn't just flavourtext) is very positive.

The Thoughts strike a nice balance between IS2's performance cards and IS4's Foldartals.

You use them deliberately, but you can't just carry them around without thought and the combat-related ones are limited to one per battle. The burden limit is quite generous I find, though there's bound to be a difficulty-level based modifier for that eventually.

I haven't encountered any stages I found to be stupid, though on my first run I had an Encounter that adjusted the boss (of whom I of course didn't even know the base version of) and it got infinite range attacks, which I feel are something worth mentioning in the boss popup (this one does give info on the mechanics). I won with only a few losses, but that still felt cheap.

And on that note, we're back to life point loss just being that. If you lose a life, that's all you lose and I prefer it that way. It's also quite easy to just kinda drain your own life if you want that. I don't mean that sarcastically or anything, you just have the option.

Biggest win is that the 2nd boss doesn't need me to go into the Lost and Found node, which I once again intend to just not unlock. Out of principle at this point. I didn't in IS4 cause it's a bad node and now I won't here. Maybe I will at some point in the future, I have the entire skill-thing to fill out first anyway.

The Impression Restoration system feels a bit strange. You perform permanent node upgrades during the run by spending Plans, but the upgrades aren't so prohibitively expensive that you'd have to plan for them or anything, you can just kinda do them so it won't take long to get them all and once you do, you can then do a node upgrade for the run you're on to get one of a few random effects. It feels strange, cause if they just trimmed it a bit the whole thing could be on a per run basis instead of being yet another permanent upgrade system. Maybe that's just me.

On the note of permanent upgrade systems, the donation machine predictably returned. I've disliked it since IS2, because it just means that until I've put in like at least 200 to get the first three boni, I'll feel bad about not maxing the machine out eat run but I want to spend the ingots on actual shop items, not the donation machine. Once again it goes up to 500, with the last 3 upgrades needing 200, 325 and then 500. They should condense it to at least 300, this is so needlessly drawn-out.

I also really don't care about Cannot's Mark. I don't think it's a good collectible cause you can just buy like 8 hope for the same price anyway and you get that hope right away instead of having to wait for it. I might just actually stop at 200 so I don't unlock it.

Hope cost adjustments are interesting. There'll probably be the +1 Hope cost thing in the difficulties again and with regards to that, I quite like it. 5 star operators now cost 2 to recruit instead of 3 and 4 stars are free, just like everything below that rarity. So once the costs are increased, it'll be 6 stars for 7, 5 stars for 3 and 4 stars for 1 which feels a lot more balanced than before.

[subzeroparade]

lore question: do you think laurence had good intentions when he brought the old blood to yharnam, or do you think it was entirely out of self interest?

I think, like with any compelling/relatable character, it's a mix of both. 

(Caveat: the way I describe Laurence’s character here is mostly based on how I write him, since it requires the most engagement with lore while being thoughtful enough to build and shape a believable person with a compelling arc). 

I think there’s a significant degree of sincerity and good intentions that drive him to bring the old blood to Yharnam. Based on the info we get in-game, the scourge does not manifest immediately, and the effects of the old blood are real and miraculous. (He also benefits personally from the effects of the blood in my headcanon, so in a sense he sees himself as proof, and denial of that is unjust and frustrating). He seems to believe it’s worth abandoning a career/life at Byrgenwerth and drawing the ire of his mentor to bring this into the world. But surely there’s bit of ego there too, a bit of “if you won’t do it, then I will.” Part of the way I interpret Laurence is through personal experience - I left academia right when my career should have kicked off. So when write him, I write from that point of view of realising now that I’ve left, I need to do something to prove myself - to prove this wasn’t a waste. I think the old blood is the ideal vehicle for personal ambition, too. It’s for the good of the people, but also his own reputation, his own need to be important, to have done something worthwhile, to prove Byrgenwerth wrong.  Most of us who were at one time deeply entrenched in academia (professionally) can have a hard time seeing past it, and use it to measure our worth. When you leave, unless you have another kind of identity to latch on to, it’s easy to become unmoored. 

But I’d argue the way he went about it - via the Church and the acquisition of political power, and the kind of Foucauldian control of the definition of healing and normalcy vs insight and/or madness, for example - all these are obviously coloured by a kind of pragmatic cruelty. I don’t think any of Laurence’s bad or heartless decisions (the ashen plague if you attribute it to the Church, or the horrors of the Orphanage) are couched in wanton cruelty - wanton cruelty is usually not very smart. They are strategic sacrifices he thinks are justified in the pursuit of his goals. I imagine when everything is going well it's easy to point to the blood’s benefits and say they outweigh the cost. But upon the emergence of the scourge I think he would find greater need to justify himself, rationalise his actions, even the worst ones, by the notion that if we can just fix the blood, get ascension to work properly, this will have been worth it. Rather than back off, he doubles down. To do otherwise would be to admit failure. To admit that the whole enterprise, and everything that props it up, is worth nothing.

Someone left a comment on my work once describing Laurence as “cruel in a way you'd not expect” which I really like. I think he’s much more interesting without this dichotomy of blatantly tyrannical vs entirely good-intentioned. It’s a question of circumstance, of which buttons can be pushed and which sacrifices can be made, and how to weigh the value of whole city, or a single person, against the goal of ascension/a cure for the scourge. 

It’s also why I love thinking about the period where he starts to lose his grip on the situation, and begin to change; and why I write the Moon Deal going down as it did - another thing, perhaps the most critical one, that he thought he’d have control over - and instead that spirals out of his grasp, too, and he loses the thing he never really wanted to sacrifice in the first place. The shock of it, for a character so in control of the narrative, is irresistible.  anyway tldr I forgive him like the French forgive Napoleon. Ty for the ask! Here's a little recent holyvicar doodle.

[blacktofade]

ok i combed through your blog for long enough that i think this is a safe space to do a little discussion of ccs personal lives. if not, you don't have to answer this. but: i know we are all very happy for skizz to be able to go full time with youtube and twitch but i am 99% sure i know what company he worked for — i don't think it's ever been too hard to find the info so maybe most people do? but i've never seen anyone say it directly. if it wasn't common knowledge before, this is going to make it extremely easy to find out — anyway, that company is going through fucking massive layoffs and cutbacks right now, which was announced in private to employees the same day that skizz made his announcement. i don't know how well it lined up other than the day, but the major shit he would have been in either pushed him to jump into professional youtubing and streaming even though it isn't as secure for him as people on the outside might think, or at the very least made the decision feel much better in retrospect.

the graph of the company's stock crash is painful even if you are entirely disconnected from the industry, it is historically awful. like the situation for the company as a whole is not, at this point, bankruptcy bad, but it's not-entirely-unwarranted-comparisons-to-late-90s-early-00s-era-nortel bad. which is… Very Bad. they're cutting approximately 1 out of every 7 employees (15,000 people) over the next couple of months, and in just one day wiped out $30 billion-with-a-b worth of value from the market. it's an absolute nightmare for the people working there, because nobody knows if they're going to be one of the ones getting laid off yet. the company's giving early retirement packages to push out some of higher earning workers, and even if skizz made his decision to leave after knowing the layoffs were coming, the chance he was included in that is very small. but i do hope he got a good deal, if he could.

in conclusion: it's very likely this choice was even scarier than anyone in the fandom previously thought, so… idk everyone please subscribe to skizz on twitch if possible!!!!!

This is absolutely a safe space for CC real life discussions, mostly because I know I'm way more deranged than any anon could be. I know things that would make CCs sweat.

I'm also going to name and shame the company, Intel, because Skizz has mentioned it before, so I'm not considering it a secret -- plus he's no longer there. It's also real shitty what they're doing and my heart goes out to their employees. I dealt with something similar recently and can confirm that these guys will have to wait weeks/months to find out if their job is safe and it will be the most degrading, dehumanizing experience ever.

I keep hemming and hawing about my 1000 IQ assumptions (lmfao), but he 100% knew about the layoff. Whether he heard about it and bounced or whether he took a volunteer deal is up for debate, but there's no way he didn't know it was coming. These companies are not subtle and Skizz is a smart man.

I am quietly praying he was able to take a volunteer deal though, because severance packages at those kinds of companies are WILD. Like, for some actual example numbers, a coworker of mine got 23 weeks of pay (8 weeks base + 15 weeks for years of service), which they received as a lump sum. Skizz says he's been with Intel for 20+ years so he'd be looking at base + 40 weeks. Dude would most likely get a year's salary lump sum (minus taxes), which would definitely help him going the full-time route.

Intel won't be going anywhere anytime soon, but their employees are going to be overworked and underpaid for the foreseeable future and we should be glad that Skizz is free! He's his own boss and, yes, we should all go support him to show he definitely made the right choice! He's such a delight and I will continue to be unwell and horny about him!!

[shukufuyu]

[Card Backstage Translation] Itaru Chigasaki SSR - Great Suzaku's Luck (1/3)

Itaru: I see… I’m really desperate for some luck right now, I feel a bit jealous.

thank you anon for the raws! read below for more.

next

Itaru: I’m home…

Izumi: Itaru-san, welcome back!

You seem bummed out, what happened?

Itaru: My favorite anime is having a collab raffle that started today, but no matter which convenience store I went to, all of them were sold out.

Well, the raffle this time is quite popular, I should’ve seen it coming.

Izumi: It’s that popular of a raffle huh.

Itaru: Right. The anime itself is already popular, the prize this time is super fancy, especially one of them being prize figures is just insane.

It was basically a popular scene that a fan couldn’t help but cry just by talking about it and it’s coming to life. As a fan myself I made an oath to obtain it… 

Chikage: Go ahead, as long as you clean up, you can add more new merch into our room.

Itaru: Senpai…

Since when did you arrive?

Izumi: Welcome back, Chikage-san.

Chikage: I’m home.

Izumi: The thing you were talking about cleaning up, are you guys’ room really that messy?

Chikage: Yeah. Don’t think this guy is willing to at least tidy up, his merch collection is just racking up every now and then.

Itaru: I’ll do it once I calm down. Anyways, once I get the prize figure set…

Chikage: For what it’s worth, you lack the virtue, hence not even being able to find any store that actually sells them.

Itaru: Gh, I have no retorts…

Homare: I have arrived.

Izumi: Welcome back.

Hm? Homare-san, what’s with that large box?

Homare: I’d be very glad to answer that! Inside this box includes a vermillion ornament I received from an owner of an antique shop I’m familiar with.

Izumi: Wow, you’re right! This Suzaku looks amazing…!

Homare: Hm. Such a dignified expression, the feathers are molded exquisitely. I’m sure you understood how I’ve been enticed to this particular ornament.

Itaru: …Hm, It does look cool.

Homare: Oho! It appears Itaru-kun also acknowledges the magnificence of this Suzaku! As expected from someone who has taken the role of Suzaku.

Itaru: Yeah, Suzaku’s already cool. But if anything I think Suzaku’s cool because it’s simply Suzaku.

It looks like my luck might increase if I put it in my room…

Homare: Indeed. It is said that Suzaku’s powerful wings are able to ward off evil spirits, including granting luck and power to overcome hardships.

Itaru: I see… I’m really desperate for some luck right now, I feel a bit jealous.

Homare: …I understand.

Then, I shall lend this Suzaku to Itaru-kun. It surely will bestow plenty of strength upon you.

Though of course. It’s due to your understanding of Suzaku’s charm. Do decorate your room with it.

Itaru: Thank you very much. Then, I will take your word for it.

With the power of this Suzaku I have borrowed. I believe I will acquire the A-prize figure.

Izumi: You really do want that figure huh.

Chikage: So he’s putting that in the room…

Itaru: Alright. Now I’ll display it around here…

(Glad that I could borrow it even though it was on a whim, but it’s really big and pressuring. But now that it’s in my hands, I’ll keep it close just to be safe…)

O Great Suzaku, I implore you to bless me with luck. I will be in your care.

…I feel bad for Homare-san, but if the prize figure is that easy to get I wouldn’t go through such lengths.

(Anyways, while I go gather info on the internet, I’ll go look for convenience stores to go draw the raffle.)

next

t/n: Raffle/くじ prizes range from C-prizes (C賞) to A-prizes (A賞), and the ラスワン aka "last prize" are obtained from the last remaining ticket.

[bleedingcoffee42]

Speirton Sunday

Drabble based on this from the Last Patrol Script. And I could not find a period correct Eager Beaver song but this one kept popping up. Some guest star Winnix and info from Tom Gibson's letter to Welsh that I've been dying to use.

Part 1 here, Part 2 under the cut

Ron packed up and slid their rucksacks to the edge of the truck while Lip blew into the bottle in an attempt to make some hillbilly music.  It was at that point that he considered he might have gone too far in letting the man drink all the schnapps; especially if he didn’t drink.  He’d be upset if someone did that to him considering he had worked so hard to take care of himself.  He took a deep breath as he jumped down off the truck and looked for some help to carry rucks and also get Lip down.  

Everyone was avoiding looking at him except for the repo depot guy with his mouth open.   Pass.

He looked back at Lip.   He wasn’t coughing and was currently a lot more lively than before, so it was worth it…right?   Ron wasn’t a man of second thoughts, he was a man of action; which often led him to being criticized for those actions later and ostracized by the men affected.  He hoped Lipton would not hold this against him, he liked Lip holding his body against him and hoped to get to the point where he could tell him that.

However, there was no denying that Carwood Lipton was absolutely and completely smashed. 

Lip was flushed with booze, or maybe fever, but feeling less miserable than he had before.  He looked down the truck bed and smiled as he saw Captain Speirs looking at him.  God, he was so beautiful.  Brave, fast, caring. A real human person.  Just the commander Easy deserved.  A hero. He was gorgeous, that deserved repeating. He waved at him, and in doing so the bottle fell out of his hand and rolled to the end of the truck.

Ron sighed and caught the bottle before it could break and cause injury. "Lipton, you're going to have to get down here if you want help getting off."

Lip grinned and tried to get up and had to grab onto the side of the truck and get down to Speirs. It wasn't working, his world was spinning and his legs were weak and all he could think of was that offer expiring to get him off. "Give me...a sec...I'm coming. Not yet, but...hahaha.."

"The truck. Get off the truck." Ron said and saw Lip deflate a little. He hoped this guy was just as gay when he was sober, but for now he was more interested in getting him healthy and down from the vehicle without injury.

“I’m an eager beaver…”  Lip started singing wondering why that song came to mind.  He used to have to go to church when he was staying with his grandparents and they made him go to Sunday school with his little brother.  He looked over and smiled at Speirs again as the man looked at him with amusement, “We are the Eager Beavers, Eager Beavers for the Lord.”

Ron looked at him and finally said, "What?"

xxxxx

Elsewhere, David Webster was having the worst time trying to re-insert himself into Easy Company.  He felt like a genuine replacement as he got a cold reception from every platoon and managed to put his foot in his mouth by asking about the guys he missed only to discover they were no more or sent home.  He noticed Winters and Nixon in the square, talking while tapping a map on the hood of their Jeep, and smiled. At least those two were still together.  

Web sighed and decided to go back to Luz, maybe could help him with a fire or something.  Luz was a friend, didn’t act like he wanted him shot on sight for missing Bastogne, and Web had enough of the icy stares from guys who he was so eager to see again.    He noticed a very out of place Lieutenant standing on the side of the road looking like a tourist.   He was possibly the only person here that looked more out of place than him.  It was the perfect person to talk to, maybe he could follow in his wake to find where he belonged? At the very least this guy would appreciate someone being nice to him. “What can I do for you, Lieutenant?”

“Is this second battalion?”

Web nodded, this guy looked like he walked off a recruitment poster for a military academy and wanted to get to the front before the war ended.  

“Where would I find your commanding officer?”

Web pointed to the center of the square where Winters and Nixon were rolling up the map and talking.  The Lieutenant locked and marched in a straight line to them, right through disembarking troopers.   More than a few guys flipped him off. Web couldn't help but watch as the young officer reached his destination, clicked his boots and snaped a smart salute.  Yeah, he definitely was a military cadet eager to see war before it ended.

“Sir! Second Lieutenant Henry Sweet Jones reporting for duty.”

Dick Winters was cold and exhausted and tired of hearing his battalion was being pulled off the line only to find it placed on the front lines instead.    He stared in disbelief at this young officer who looked like he was from a different lifetime–back when they were parade ground perfect and had never seen war.   He wondered if this guy was real or a hallucination, so he turned to Lew and asked, “What’s he doing?”

Lewis Nixon ate it up, as if they did a comedy routine every night at the officers club and not just for new replacement officers.  He also clocked the West Point ring immediately and remembered they were getting three of these kids who just graduated for each of their battered companies.   He grinned and answered, voice honeyed with sarcasm, “I think he’s saluting.”

“What am I supposed to do?” Dick asked dryly and was rewarded by the light in Nix’s eyes that says he was amused.

Nix laughed, “You better return it or we’ll be here all night.”

Dick looked back at the fresh faced Lieutenant and there wasn’t a glimmer of frustration on his face about the reception he just got.   He was standing there waiting to be released.  Professional army for sure. Dick returned the salute and the light caught a ring as Jones put his hand down.  Too tired to realize he was speaking his thoughts he said, “West Point?”

“Graduated June 6th, 1944, sir.”  Jones answered, proudly.

“Is that so…”  Lew drawled and knew he was speaking for Dick as well.  God, they graduated cadets on D-Day.   Wonder what took him so long to find his way to Europe.

Dick couldn't help but smile as Nix said what he was thinking.  He looked over Jones and considered him, remembered when he was that same rank and had to do everything perfect or have to do it again.   Toccoa felt like ages ago. He licked his chapped lips and crossed his arms; he looked over his E Company men getting down from the trucks unenthusiastically, and tried to not think of how few remained from Toccoa.   Then his eyes caught their new C.O. trying to order his first sergeant down from the back of the truck Lip was currently dancing on.   “Lieutenant. Report to Easy Company. Captain Speirs commanding.”

Nix followed Dick’s hand pointing out Speirs and caught sight of what he was looking at.   What in the ever-loving-hell was Carwood doing?

Jones glanced over, nodded, clicked heels again and saluted. “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”

Nix shook his head as he watched Carwood grab ahold of the side of the truck's bracing for the tarp cover and dance a little.   “I thought Lip was sick.”

“I thought you’d be giving me crap about handing that kid to Ron.”

“No, I think you just heard an Upstate New York accent and thought it was New England.”  Nix laughed as Dick gave him a look that said ‘It’s not?’.   “No, your Amish is showing, Dick.  He’s not a New Yorker, he’s a different kind of New Yorker.”

“Well, he’s Ron’s problem now.”  Dick shrugged.   

“We need to figure out why Carwood is giving Ron problems right now.”  Lew said and nudged Dick to go with him to find out. “When have we ever seen him act his age?”

“Well, from the reports of the rest of Easy Company, apparently since a convent in Rachamps when he and Ron made a scene so obscene the nuns brought in the choir to sing so they wouldn’t have to hear what they were saying.”  Dick said and Lew tapped him on the stomach with the rolled up map.  

“Yeah, Luz was reporting in on that.” Nix shook his head.  “Can’t blame them for being loud, after all the shelling we endured– our hearing will probably be ruined for life. Guys were talking about how good Speirs looked in candlelight and how Lip wanted to melt into him. Sounds like we missed a good show.”

“More concerned about what those nuns heard that ruined them for life.”  Dick said as he watched Jones push through the Easy men turning and laughing at Lipton and go right up to Speirs and salute again.  

“Sir I’m…”Jones started but was cut off by the man dancing in the truck.

“I’m a beaver…an Eager Beaver!”  Lip sang, on repeat because he could not for the life of him remember any more lyrics.  He wanted to get his mouth on some wood was the only clear image he had at the moment.

Jones maintained his salute, “Captain Speirs?”

“Help us sing our song; Everybody come along; Eager Beavers for the Lord.” Lip sang, probably should have sang that in church when...oh God when Speirs looked so good. Thank you God for him. Thanks for making him look like that.

Ron looked at the new guy, waved off the salute and snapped, “Help me get him down.”

Jones attempted to help, but the man continued to dance provocatively to a song he remembered from Sunday school.   This man is the First Sergeant?   

“What do you do to him?”  Nix asked with a laugh as he approached the truck and the rather evasive Carwood Lipton who seems to be fixed on giving Ron Speirs a show of his incredible hip flexibility.  “Ronald Charles, we gave you a perfect NCO and you ruined him in record time.”

“Eager beaver for the looooooooorddd!”

Ron huffed and turned to Nix who had found the bottle on the end of the truck bed and was sniffing it like it was some fancy liquor at an expensive restaurant.  For all Ron knew, it was.   “Lewis Joel, I gave him something for his cough and it helped.”

“Lewis Joel?” Dick repeated and looked hurt.  “Your middle name is Joel?”

“Eager…..Beeeeeaver.”

Nix rolled his eyes and emptied one last drop of the schnapps onto his tongue before tossing the bottle aside.  “Sorry I didn’t tell you, Dick.  Nobody uses it but my Dad when he writes me. Ron must have being going through mail when he was an S-2 with me and forgets nothing.”

“I thought it was Stanhope.”  Dick frowned and it had nothing to do with Lip grinding on the upright. 

“Stan nope. Dad's name isn’t even Stanhope. Not sure where he got that.  Grandma’s dead brother or a road sign in North Jersey.  No, we’re all Lewis Joel Nixons, going back to Joel Lewis Nixon, my great grandpa.  We are very imaginative in the naming department in my family. Live in Nixon. Work at Nixon. Like our name.”  Nix answered and then smacked Ron on the ass with the map for hurting Dick’s feelings by knowing some insignificant detail he did not.  “So, Sparky, I didn’t know Lip drank.”

“He doesn’t.” Dick said. He knew that.  

“Which begs the question,” Lew said and saw the frustration on Ron’s face as Lip went on repeat as he forgot the lyrics to whatever he was singing.  The volume was decreasing, that was good.  “Why’d you get him drunk?”

“He’s not coughing is he?  He’s really sick and I’m trying to get him inside.”  Ron snapped and Lew laughed at him.   “Help me get him down.”

“We have to go set up battalion CP.”  Dick said and tapped Lip on the leg as he continued to butcher the lyrics to a nice childhood song he remembered singing in church.  “Hang Tough, Lip.”

“Cause you gotta be…” Lip belted out with renewed fervor, “Hangin' tough.”

With that Dick and Nix took their cue to leave.   

“Hangin’ tough…” Lip danced down low and sang at Speirs, “Are you tough enough?” 

It gave Ron the chance to grab him and pull him off the truck and into his arms.  Jones didn’t help.

David Kenyon Webster watched with his mouth open.  Nobody would believe this. Killer Speirs, who had all those stories told about him since D-Day, was holding Carwood Lipton in his arms and setting him down on the ground gently.  Lipton was giggling and holding on to him. Singing into his neck, laughing. Pushing his scarf down, looking for skin.....then Web got choked as someone grabbed him by the collar from behind.

“Quit daydreaming.”  Roy Cobb said and dragged the idiot Harvard boy away from the scene.  If the guys who hadn’t seen a day off in months weren’t getting a free show, neither was this bitch.