#And a remote control car that scares my dogs to death

[get-them-out-of-my-skull-0914]

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate!

I got the Legoland script and some new earbuds for Christmas :)

[equestrianwritingsstuff]

Ooh! I just discovered you from the Bad Things Happen Bingo and I love your writing already! Could I potentially request the Bleeding Out prompt as a prequel for the Soup for the Sick story you wrote?

Thank you for the ask! I had to look up prequel to make sure that you meant before the events of Personalized Caretaker Part 1, and not after 😂. Here you go! In reference to this post.

So, with that note, this piece happened before Part 1 of Personalized Caretaker.

Personalized Caretaker Part 2

Part 1

Warnings: blood, vomit, losing consciousness, faking an injury, drugged whumpee, fear, implied touch starvation

*not edited*

~

Civilian hopped onto her couch, legs resting on the armrest and flicked on the television, going straight for Netflix.

It was a normal day, serene and tranquil with the perfect amount of work that made Civilian feel good inside.

She lazily gnawed on a piece of beef jerky and selected The Kissing Booth for personal enjoyment. Something cheesy and romantic to vibe to as she decompressed- even the best days required a period of relaxation.

But, her period of relaxation was very rudely interrupted by a thud. Right outside her door.

Civilian froze, heart racing, as her mind involuntarily replayed every known horror movie. She was the victim, the bad guy was going to break in and slash her throat as she unceremoniously says, "Who's there?"

Civilian shuddered, turning off the television, and slowly standing up. She grabbed her remote control as a weapon and very, very slowly, like a ninja, stalked stealthily up to the door.

"Who's there?" Civilian asked. Crap, her fatal flaw. Now the bad guy was going to rush out and murder her, then the police would come and there would be ten more killings and then there would be a ghost that was a moaning lady with pale skin and black hair that was hung in the woods seventy-some years ago and then it is reincarnated to be a doll that haunts children and-

Civilian drew in a deep breath. Don't freak out, don't freak out. It was probably a bird that weighed the size of a man- a bad man- that crashed into the window and died. And died. And died. And died. It was gone. Instead of using a remote, she should be using a plastic bag.

"Stop it Civilian, you paranoid freak," she yelled at herself, very loudly, her voive taut with utter fear as she peered through the shades.

The first thing she saw was blood.

Smeared blood in the direction of downwards, leading directly to...

A body.

Civilian felt nausea rise in her throat as literally the blood drained from her face. She wasn't the first victim, the poor human in opening credits, she was the next victim and her house was the killer's stash.

Probably to blame her for the death. To redirect the suspicion.

She had to hide the body and burn it before the cops came. Oh boy, the killer probably already called them. Crap crap crap.

Civilian whisked the door open, tossing her grand weapon of plastic and onto a nearby table, and prepared to wrap the body in a black bag.

The body moved.

Civilian screamed.

The body was not a body, it was a living man.

"Oh my gosh sir? Sir! Are you okay? Sir! Sir!" Civilian grabbed her hair and started to paced. "This can't be happening. This can't be happening. There is a bleeding man on my fricking doorstep." She started to ramble, muttering nonsensical curses and words that weren't going to help the dying man.

She was panicking, completely hyperventilating, by the time the man moved more than a shaky, uneven breath.

His eyes opened, revealing a drop-dead gorgeous icy blue. Eyelashes fluttered in the most enearding way as the man struggled to keep his consciousness to himself. Lips quivered as he whole face bunched together in an expression of pain.

Civilian didn't know if she could handle it.

"Are you doing to die?" She asked, rushed and abruptly. The man looked his clouded gaze on her. It took a moment, but he spoke,

"Heroes. Heroes, they are coming. Run, get outta here. Get outta here!"

Civilian shrieked, glancing hurriedly around. An insane plot twist, the good guys were the bad guys and...

Wait, this wasn't a movie.

And why was this man so scared of the heroes? Unless, of course, he was...

A villain.

Civilian covered her mouth and dropped to her knees. A v-v-villain? Was at her door? Civilian pinched herself to see if she was sleeping, but the nightmare didn't vanish. She was stuck in reality. Someone go get her a soda...

Villain's eyelids drooped as he weakly extended his arm. "Please," he begged. "I need help." Then his arm went slack.

Civilian was close to hysterics.

But nonetheless, out of fear, she grabbed the man's arm and attempted to pull him inside. She silently cursed. Her twigs for limbs could barely carry a box of mason jars; what made her think she could drag a two hundred pound full-grown adult male?

It was a taxing project that left Civilian in tangled limps, just begging for sleep. The man didn't stir at all, not even when Civilian's fist went into the gaping wound in his stomach.

Aw man, that was disgusting. Civilian vomited into a nearby trashcan before returning to figure out WHAT THE HECK TO DO!!!

"Can you wake up?" Civilian asked. "Please? I-i... how do I... how do I do this?"

Civilian was on the verge of tears, but then she reminded herself. This isn't a movie, he won't be miraculously healed after a good night's sleep.

With a quick reference to Google, Civilian finally felt prepared. She ran to get a pillow and slipped it under Villain's head. His eyelids fluttered as his eyes cracked open, but then they slipped close again.

Next she removed his shirt and was quite awestruck at the sight. Other than the painted crimson, his abdomen really was the definition of ab-domen. Hard muscles were lined perfectly.

Okay Civilian, someone is dying, don't admire it.

She placed one hand above and the other in the wound to staunch the bleeding. After the blood flow slowed, she lifted his legs to rest on the armrests in a similar position that she was in earlier.

Next, she jumped some hydrogen peroxide in and bandaged the wound. The villain never awoke.

Once the looming danger was gone, Civilian just stood there awkwardly. Dried blood crusted on his skin, but at least it wasn't wet.

So she stood there, arms crossed as meaningless thoughts rushed through her head.

What do call a male ladybug?

Is grass the earth's hair?

Do pineapples come from pine trees?

Why is a villain on my couch?

Civilian sat down, keeping a good three feet distance from the assumed murderer, and turned on the TV to resume her movie.

She leaned her head back, exhaustion tugging at her eyelids, but she refused sleep. Especially when a villain was slumbering next to her with one arm over his face.

He looked like a monkey.

One of those pale faced, brown haired primates from Curious George.

Not that his ears were splayed out or anything, the monkey had very tiny, collected ears that hid under his fluffy brown hair. His nose also held that itty-bitty appearance, perfectly formed to his face with the faintest trace of freckles.

He was cute.

Like a monkey.

Or not, as Civilian found monkeys utterly disgusting.

So cute, like a kitten.

Civilian smiled, looking down at her lap. Another thing Wikihow said that Civilian scowled at and ignored before. Put the victim's head in your lap to calm and keep them comfortable.

It wouldn't hurt, right? The villain wasn't even conscious, and he lost so much blood that he probably wouldn't remember anything if he did wake up.

She just met him.

Stress can increase heart rate which may be detrimental. Civilian scrunched her forehead. Was that even true?

Who cares. Civilian scotted her skinny self over and laid the villain's head in her lap. Then, temptation started its charismatic monologue.

Stroke his head. Be nice, clean his chin. Wipe the dirt off his eye.

Civilian hesitantly put her hand on his grimey hair- ew, he needed a shower ASAP- and gingerly patted it. Patted it, like petting a dog.

It was embarrassingly awkward.

For the next few hours, Villain slept. Civilian also dozed off between getting yummy smelling candles to fend off the revolting scent od blood and crackers to aimlessly gnaw on.

She watched through the first Kissing Booth and the second one when a thought struck her.

Pain.

The villain would be in pain when he woke up.

And the only thing Civilian had was Ibuprofen.

Like those barely took the edge off a headache, much less a gash the size of a baseball.

She reached for her phone to call her friend at the local drug store. Putting on a squeaky voice, Civilian said,

"Can you, uh, get me something for pain?"

"Slow down, Civilian. What?"

"I don't know benadryl or a very strong pain reliever," Civilian bit her lip, squeezing her eyes shut. Stupid stupid stupid...

"What did you do?"

"I, uh, sprained my ankle."

"You sprained your ankle?"

"Mhm hurts like-"

"Okay! I don't need your swear word dictionary. I'll bring you something after work."

"Thanks, oh owowowowowowo."

"Goodbye Civilian."

The line clicked.

Civilian smiled to herself and popped another cracker in her mouth. Problem solved.

The blood on the door.

Crap.

Civilian set Villain's head back on a pillow and ran to the frontdoor.

Great, just great.

Civilian flipped the middle finger at Villain's sleeping figure and walked out the door. She would meet her friend before she saw the splatters of blood.

Civilian sat herself on the curb, throwing her newly "spraind" leg out, letting out an insanely loud groan, and leaned back on her elbows.

"Oh my goodness! Civilian," her friend leaped from her black car and ran over. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," Civilian waved it off. "Just wanted some air and the house is a mess, so."

Civilian, you are dumb.

"You sure? You asked to be hospitalized once because you stubbed your toe and the fact that a sprained ankle isn't bugging you... I am wholeheartedly worried."

"Don't be," Civilian chuckled. "How was work?"

Friend gave her a skeptical look. "Fine," she drawled.

"Good," Civilian nodded slowly, tapping the ground with her fingers. "So thank you for the painkillers."

"Mhm," Friend handed Civilian the plastic bag slowly. "How did you sprain it?"

"Uhhh fell out of the shower."

Friend looked genuinely concerned.

"Tripped and fell," Civilian repeated herself awkwardly. "On the ground?" Why did she have to say it as a question?

She was awkward and sounded hilariously awkward as well.

"Klutz," Friend joked, but her face was still taut with worry. "Need help getting inside?"

"No no!" Civilian exclaimed. Friend stepped back, so Civilian laughed to alleviate the tension. "I should walk it out."

"Ooookay," Friend said, nodding. "Good for you. I'm gonna go. I have a dinner date with this dude from Tinder."

"Oooo good luck," Civilian said, faking a wince as she stood up. Friend rushed in to help.

"Don't," Civilian cautioned, raising her "hurt" leg up. Friend looked at it and scowled.

"Dang leg huh? Well bye-bye. Don't fall out of the shower anymore. Got it?"

"Yup," Civilian said and fake limped back to her house as Friend sped away.

Missiom accomplished.

Villain was stirring when Civilian sat back down.

Perfect timing also.

She rummaged through the bag and grabbed a bottle of valium. She popped the recommended dosage out and approached Villain.

He was still too dazed and disoriented to stop Civilian from helping him swallow, but the second the water touched his tongue, he woke up fully.

"What are you doing? Don't touch me!" He yelled, pulling away. Civilian also backed away, a frown forming on her face.

"Me? I saved your life."

Villain was silent. "How much did you touch me?"

"Enough to save your life."

Villain jerked, looking around as if somone was in the shadows. Paranoid, Civilian copied him.

"What's wrong with you?" Civilian asked.

"You touched me?"

Civilian didn't say anything. She crossed her arms and shifted her weight to one leg, examining the villain.

Villain jerked to his feet, swaying madly. Civilian's heart jumped. He was so unsteady...

He fell, but Civilian swooped in to catch him.

For a moment, the villain melted into her half-embrace, head resting gently on her shoulder, before pulling away. He bit his cheeks, seemingly trying to keep tears back.

"What... are you? Are, are you scared of getting a hug? Sheesh."

"Mmm no," Villain shook his head quickly, then sat down as if the feat made him dizzy.

"Mmm yes," Civilian sat down next to him. The villain looked confused, but that may be the drugs kicking in.

Soon Villain's eyes starting to droop and he swayed in his sitting position.

"Whatdya give me?" He slurred, a faraway look in his eyes. "Mm tired." He collapsed forward.

Civilian steadied him and helped him lay back down. He groaned pathetically and grappled at Civilian's hand, desperate to hold it.

He held her hand until he fell asleep.

[cordonian-literature]

The Aftermath - Ch. 17

From Lovers to Strangers

SUMMARY: Liam rushes to Ramsford after hearing about Riley

Word Count: ~4.9k

Warnings: Mention of character death, language

*All characters belong to Pixelberry, except those that are unique to my story (I’ve also used some characters and fictional instances from Donna Tartt’s “The Goldfinch”)*

Catch up here

Tags:  @captain-kingliamsqueen​ @marshmallowsaremyfavorite​ @gkittylove99​ @lovablegranny​ @loudbluebirdlover​ @mom2000aggie​ @kingliam2019​ @queenrileyrose​ @shanzay44​ @cordonianroyalty​ @hopefulmoonobject​ @hopelessromanticmonie​ @cinnamonspongecake​ @queenjilian​ @kuladekiwi​ @twinkle-320​ @iaminlovewithtrr​ @charlotteg234​ @amandablink​ @texaskitten30​ @tinkie1973 @louiseingram1208 @queencatherynerhys​ @pens-girl-87​ @missevabean​ @ladyangel70​ @sanchita012​ @cordonianprincess​ @liamandneca @cordonia-gothqueen​

I’m so sorry, I don’t know if the tags are working or not... but I hope I got everyone down! If I missed someone, or anyone wants to be added/removed, let me know!

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...Present Day...

- Liam - 

Gripping the steering wheel as tightly as he could, Liam swerves in between other vehicles on the highway, doing everything he could to get to Riley faster. I should have made driving too slow illegal, Liam thinks after getting trapped momentarily between drivers going at their own comfortable pace. They block him from all sides until he loses his nerve and punches the horn, scaring other drivers to move out of Liam’s way. 

Almost twice he bumps into another car when trying to change lanes at the same time. Then, he gets stuck in traffic, where Liam forced himself to wait for a total of seventeen seconds — during which the cars around him didn’t move a centimeter — until he drives the car into the grass next to the roadway and continues. 

Thankfully the dirt wasn’t muddy or bumpy, so Liam reaches Ramsford thirty minutes sooner than he would have if he’d continued on the roadway. 

He doesn’t even take the keys out of the ignition before racing across the driveway and knocking furiously on the front door. Liam tries to push it open to no avail, then screams for Maxwell to open the door. 

Drake is the one who allows him to enter. When Liam tries to push past him, Drake blocks his path and puts a hand on his friend’s shoulder. 

“Wait a sec, Liam,” Drake tries to stop Liam from rushing into the estate. 

“Where is she? What happened? Is she alright?” Liam begins to push forward, but Drake shoves him back. 

“Calm the fuck down, Liam!” Drake says in a low voice through barred teeth. “The kids saw us bringing her upstairs and started crying.”

Liam feels his heart clench.

“Rowan started fussing over where to put her and Gabriel looked like he was about to pass out. Maxwell thought to distract them with some TV, but they’re still unsettled. Don’t make it worse.”

“Where are they?” Liam tries to walk away from Drake again. 

“We put them in their own room next to Riley’s. East wing.” 

Before Drake can say anything else, Liam races up the stairs and down the hall. He turns his head to look into each room as he passes.

Liam slows once he hears strange voices. Nearing a room with an open door, he sees Gabriel and Eleanor’s tear-streaked faces illuminated by a television in front of Ella, while Gabe stares down at a laptop. Ella watches a group of teenagers and a talking dog lead an investigation, while Gabriel furiously types. Neither of them look up when Liam’s figure blocks the doorway. 

He wonders if the light from the electronics strain their eyes, so he moves his hand along the wall to turn on the ceiling light. When it turns on, both children squint in Liam’s direction, blinking rapidly. 

Once their vision clears again, Ella gives a tired wave and says, “Hi, Liam.” 

“Hello, Ella.” He’s about to move forward to wrap the exhausted child in his arms, but his heart is still racing. “Do you know where your mother is?” 

Eleanor points behind her. “In that room with Aunt Rowan.” 

Liam leaves the doorway and goes to the door next to it, which is closed. He reaches to open it, but notices a dim light coming from the space at the bottom. If she’s still unconscious, perhaps I could spend time with the children? Liam goes back into the children’s room.

There are two couches, and each of them sit on a separate one. Noticing that Gabriel has his eyes locked on the laptop screen, Liam takes a seat next to Eleanor instead. 

He leans back against the cushions, and she leans her head against his arm. Liam contemplates putting a fatherly arm around her, but decides that he shouldn’t test his luck; it was enough that she allowed him to sit next to her. He didn’t want to move a lot to make her change her mind. 

“What are you watching?” he asks her quietly, mindful of Gabriel focusing on his device. 

Eleanor yawns before she answers: “Scooby Doo.” 

“Oh. What is it about?” 

“It’s about this dog who talks and helps his human friends solve mysteries.” 

“Really?” Liam tries to sound enthusiastic to keep the conversation going. “What kind of mysteries?” 

He feels her shrug against his arm. “All kinds. Daddy said that this one is a newer series. There’s an evil owl who wants to end the world.”

“An evil owl?” Liam thinks to himself, What on Earth do they make children watch nowadays?

“Uh huh. And he has a German accent and—” she breaks off her sentence to yawn again “—and he was also in a mystery solving group.”

“Really?” Liam continues watching the show with her, uncertain of what was happening. “Do you have a favorite character?”

“I like Scooby. That’s the dog’s name.” She lifts her head from his arm to look up at Liam. “Do you have a favorite character yet?”

“Well... uh.” Liam stutters while glancing rapidly between the characters on the screen. “What about that blond one in the white shirt? He seems like a leader.”

“That’s Fred,” she tells Liam. “Mama used to say that he was obsessive.” 

Liam tries to laugh at Eleanor’s insight, Leo’s words vibrating through his head. She gives a sleepy chuckle, then puts her head back on his arm. 

After a few minutes, Drake silently knocks on the doorframe. Only Liam looks up, and Drake asks him if he had a chance to call Olivia and Hana yet. 

“No, I was occupied.” He remembers Leo having the nerve to visit him, and Liam’s jaw clenches. 

“You gonna do it in the morning?” Drake asks. 

“Yes, I will make sure to.” 

Drake nods and then walks off. 

For the next few hours, Liam sits silently next to Eleanor watching the show, occasionally pressing buttons on the remote next to him to get to the next episode. Eventually, he hears her loudly breathing, and when Liam glances down he can see that she fell asleep leaning against him. 

He cradles her head and neck in his other arm, then grabs a couch cushion to put under her head as he lies her down. Liam considers putting her on the bed, but doesn’t want to wake her. Instead, he grabs the blanket off of the bed and places it on her. 

Gabriel is still on the laptop. Liam takes out his phone to find that it was almost midnight. 

He takes a seat next to his son. Gabriel doesn’t look up at his father, and keeps scrolling through some articles. 

“What are you looking at?” Liam asks. 

The boy doesn’t glance up when he responds, “News articles. About the bombing.”

Liam frowns, wondering why Gabriel was researching an event that brought him so much emotional pain. “What have you found?”

He sits up straight and turns to look at Liam. Gabriel gazes at his father with a controlled intensity. The boy knew what he was talking about. “They think the bombers were foreigners ‘cause there’s some evidence towards one of them having come on a plane from Europe. And there are also a couple missing paintings from French, Austrian, and Cordonian painters. But from the eighteen hundreds.”

“Ah.” Liam leans closer to try and see what the article says. “Do you know which pieces?” 

“One was The Dance Class and another one is... uh... Bain à la G- Gren?” Gabriel turns the computer screen towards Liam. He sees an oil painting of people on a boat and on what seemed to be a man-made island or platform in the middle of a lake. 

On the bottom of the image was the title, “Bain à la Grenouillère,” which Liam pronounces for Gabriel. 

“Yeah, that,” he says. “And there are some others, too, but I can’t find that much information on them. There are two more that they think were stolen and another few they think might have burned.”

Liam allows Gabriel to continue scrolling and typing for a few more moments. He regards his son’s features. The slight upward curve of his chin and nose are the same as Liam’s, but the curve of his ears and the vague eyebrow arch scream Riley. Gabriel’s eyelashes are longer compared to Liam’s when he was a child, and they brush against his pale cheek. While he gazes down onto the laptop screen — as the ceiling light slightly flickers and the field outside the window seemed like a dark canvas — Gabriel looks almost otherworldly, like he’s not real. Maybe it was the sleep in Liam’s eyes, but for a moment he feels like he’s hallucinating, but he turns his head to see Eleanor still sleeping on the other couch, and Gabriel began to fiercely type something. It’s like they were born from a dream.

Both Liam and Gabriel turn their heads when there’s a loud noise from the television. The characters are being chased, and while running, they are accidentally separated from each other. 

Gabriel chuckles and tells Liam, “I hate the way Scooby talks.” 

“Why?” Liam asks. 

“Because he starts every word with the ‘r’ sound. This one time—” he laughs to himself “—Ella had this phase where she would talk like Scooby. It was only for like, two months, but it was the most annoying thing ever.” 

Liam laughs, imagining younger and chubbier versions of his children annoyed with each other. 

“My brother and I were like that, too,” Liam tells his son. He doesn’t expect Gabriel to listen, but when he turns to look at Liam, his heart stops for a moment. 

“Really? Did you annoy him or was it the other way around?” There’s a true excitement in Gabriel’s voice, and Liam could tell that he was trying to suppress a laugh. 

“Both, actually. There was this show that we used to watch when we were children. The Andy Griffith Show.”

“Oh. I’ve never heard of it.” 

Afraid that Gabriel would lose interest, Liam sits forward and continues, “For a long time I used to whistle the tune for the show, like this.” He proceeds to whistle a lively tune while snapping his fingers. 

“That’s... actually really good!” Gabriel comments. The amused look on his face sends a spark of joy through Liam. “It’s not annoying! Well... maybe if you did it too loud.” 

“It wasn’t my volume that annoyed my brother,” Liam explains. “I used to be terrible at whistling, but I refused to stop playing the tune.” 

“Oh.” Gabriel chuckles. “I whistle a little too loud, and Ella hates it. She says it hurts the inside of her ears so I stopped doing it around her.”

“Perhaps I can... teach you the song in the morning?” Liam hesitates. He wanted to take this opportunity of Gabriel’s friendliness, but didn’t want to do anything that might make Gabriel wish to avoid such conversations in the future. 

“Y- Yeah,” Gabriel says. The boy’s lips twitch upwards, and Liam smiles warmly. 

Liam takes out his phone to check the time again. “Well, it’s getting late.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Gabriel closes the tabs he had open, and turns the laptop off. Putting it on the coffee table, he takes a cushion and puts it under his head. Once Liam understands that he wanted to sleep on the couch, he goes into a closet to grab another blanket. Gabriel gives a tight smile when Liam drapes it over him. “Thanks.” 

Liam moves a lock of hair out of Gabriel’s eyes, then goes to check on Ella. She was on her stomach, turned away from Liam. He goes to turn off the light, and through the light in the hallway, he sees Gabriel lift a hand in farewell. Liam raises his hand as well, then closes the door.

He walks back towards the foyer, hoping to see someone who could lead Liam to a room he could stay in, when he remembers the car. Only Drake knew that he had arrived, but he was unsure if Drake knew to take the keys out of the ignition. 

Liam quickly goes down the stairs and slowly opens the door to peer out. He can’t see the car, and instead hears sniffling. 

Someone is crying. 

Liam freezes, focusing in on the sound. There’s an immense pain in the person’s huffing. It seems like they’re having difficulty breathing through the tears, and Liam’s breath catches in his throat. 

Sure he had cried very often himself when he was younger, he had heard Olivia weep as a child, and Liam had also seen Hana cry when she announced that she was leaving Cordonia to get married. But this sound was different; the person whimpers for a few moments, as if they’re trying to calm themself. 

It’s a painful noise, and has gripped Liam’s heart. He turns his head, almost involuntarily, and sees Riley sitting on the couch on the patio, her back facing him. Her shoulders are hunched, though they shake with the force of her tears. He wonders how she got downstairs.

Liam forces his legs to stay in place. Running to her while she was crying didn’t seem like the best idea. He softly closes the door behind him, expecting her to turn at the sound of the click, but she doesn’t move. His heart begs him to run towards her, wrap her in his arms. He doesn’t even realize that he’s moving in her direction. 

Liam sits on the couch towards her left. He wants to say something. His heart aches — this was the moment he had been waiting forever for. His mind rehearses what he wanted say to her; though he had been practicing the past ten years, he couldn’t bring himself to speak.

I love you, Riley. I’ve missed you, Riley. Why did you leave me, Riley? Are you upset to be back, Riley? I still love you, Riley. Do you remember me, Riley? 

I’m sorry, my love. 

Grief stops him from saying anything. He allows her to cry, though the sound pushes him deeper into sadness. The moment feels like eternity, but Liam still says nothing. She seemed to be crying for both of them. Perhaps for Theodore, too. Watching her cry squeezed Liam’s heart so ferociously that for a moment he believed death would cause less pain.  

Her crying slows to just sniffles. Riley lifts her head but stares out into nothingness. Liam knows she can see him from the corner of her eyes, but he still doesn’t wish to speak. If he did, who was to say that she wouldn’t run away again? 

Perhaps I shouldn’t have come here. I am the one who brings her so much pain. For her sake I should have let her be. 

She turns to look at him, and they lock eyes. Riley’s face is red and puffy, but she’s still the most beautiful and purest thing he’s ever seen. 

They sit like that for a while, Liam’s heart alight. For him, the moment was sore: painful, with the fear that doing anything more could ruin this action of reserved love. 

They have everything to say to each other, they have nothing to say to each other.

Finally, she breaks his gaze and stares down at her knees, running her hands up and down her legs. “Are the kids asleep?” 

Once the words register in Liam’s mind, he answers, “Yes.” Out of fear that those words would be the only she would say to him, he continues, “The flight must have exhausted them.” 

She lets out a breath that sounds like a laugh. She looks up at the dark landscape again, this time a nostalgic look in her eyes. “Theo used to stay up all night with them before we traveled, just so they would sleep on the plane.” Her lips twisted, and she puts her head in her hands. 

Hearing moments of their family together sent a jolt of anger through Liam’s body. He wanted to erase that man from Riley’s life and replace it with himself. There was no doubt in his heart that he would have treated Riley better, he would have loved her better.

“I can’t believe he’s gone,” Riley says through tears, her voice breaking. “I can’t believe I spent the last few weeks oblivious to the fact that he died. Alone. And I let it happen.”

She remembers?

Liam jumps up from his seat to sit next to her. “Riley, none of that was your fault.” He puts an arm around her, and she leans into his chest, shaking. Their knees collide, and it feels like second nature when he puts a hand under her cast and brings her legs over his thighs. Her head falls under his chin, and he leans down to kiss her temple. 

But then she takes in an unstable breath and shuffles to the opposite side of the couch. 

She remembers.

He’s surprised, but also embarrassed that he let his feelings overtake him. “I’m sorry, my love,” he blurts out. 

“Don’t—” Riley begins, but stops herself. She puts her head in her hands again. 

Liam blinks the pain away. He feels small, suddenly. Alone. Adrift. Lost.

Her voice is broken when she says, “Ten years. More than a decade... before it felt like we would last forever. We had to. But now look at us. We’re practically strangers.”

He wants to scream, But I still love you. Perhaps I love you more now than before. Do not for a moment think that a day went by during which you did not occupy my heart and mind entirely. Instead he manages, “That’s not true.”

She looks at him with a face that screams “you can’t be serious?” Shaking her head, Riley states, “Liam, ten years is a long time. Longer than either of us have realized.”

He sits confused for a moment, thinking about how the time went by in slow motion for him. “I feel like I’ve lived and eternity within those ten years.” 

She chuckles, the melody warming Liam’s heart. “I think having kids does the opposite. One minute they’re saying their first words, the next—” She stops, her eyes going wide. “Liam, I didn’t mean—”

He puts up a hand, “Please, we don’t have to discuss that right now.” 

Her eyes brim with tears when she says, “You have no reason to believe me when I say that I wanted to tell you more than anything. I was about to fight Theo while he was bringing me to the hospital.” Her voice breaks again when she says, “I didn’t want to have the baby without you.”

Anger shoots through his veins when Liam hears the man’s name. But that was Riley’s husband. She was now Theo’s widow. He didn’t want to upset her more than she already was. “At least you weren’t alone.” 

She leans her head backwards, her features now numb. Riley stares at the sky and says, “And then I let him die alone. All he wanted to do was help.”

Liam feels his skin boil, momentarily glad that man was dead and out of his way. 

When they slip into silence, Liam leans his head back as well, staring at the stars that glittered behind the clouds, listening to the crickets and the music of night. Neither of them move, but after a while, Liam’s eyes become heavy with sleep. He turns to look at Riley.

“It’s late,” Liam says. 

“You’re right.” She stands, and Liam notices the crutches against the wall. He hands them to her, and goes to open the door. When they reach the stairs, she carefully pulls herself up a few steps. 

“Please, don’t hurt yourself,” Liam says. He holds her hand to help her stand, then takes the crutches from her, balancing them against the railing. He puts an arm under her knees and lifts her. To his surprise, she snuggles into his chest. 

On the top of the stairs, she says that she can continue by herself, but Liam mentions that her crutches are still at the bottom of the stairs. 

She looks up at him. “You can go get them. I’ll wait. I don’t want to strain you.” 

“It’s nothing,” he says. “Really.” He would carry her to the ends of the Earth if it meant that she would go through less pain.

Liam carries Riley to her room, gently placing her on the bed. He pulls the blanket over her. She doesn’t meet his eyes, and turns away from him. 

“Good night, Riley,” he says, turning off the lights. 

Liam found Bertrand in the study, and the Duke gave Liam a room for the night. Sitting on the bed, Liam began to cry. It was only tears falling down his face. His breathing was still even but his eyes burned. Holding Riley against himself had felt like a blessing. Bring able to press his lips against her head. Not the Riley who didn’t know who he was, but the Riley who knew the weight of their shared past. For the last ten years he had been a drowning man, and Riley was his air. 

He knew she was the only woman he would ever love, and now, with the relief that had filled his soul after he knew she remembered him, it was beyond confirmed. Even though he was not the only man Riley had loved, he was determined to show her that his love for her was greater than any other metaphorical or physical thing in existence.

He promised himself that he would take the next opportunity to talk to her. There are so many things he needs to ask her, so many things that need to happen for them to be together again. 

She has her memory back. She remembered. The next few steps shouldn’t be too difficult.

...

The next morning when Liam sits at the table for breakfast with everyone, he wants to ask Riley’s whereabouts, since she’s the only person not at the table. But Drake talks with Savannah and Bertrand, while Maxwell and Rowan have talk quietly between themselves. 

“Did you sleep well?” Liam asks Gabriel. 

The boy’s mouth is filled with pancakes, so he just nods. 

“I wanted to tell you that I had someone create a lesson plan for you.” That wasn’t completely a lie. “I think it would be best for you to start as soon as possible, seeing that the social season is quickly approaching.” 

“Considering the social season,” Bertrand jumps in. “I think now is the time to send an announcement out to the people.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t push Gabriel into the spotlight too soon?” Savannah suggests. 

“True,” Liam comments. “But he has been kept from the people’s knowledge long enough. It’ll take a while for us to convince them that it was for good reason.”

“Perhaps it would be best to schedule a press conference as well?” Bertrand asks. 

Liam chews thoughtfully. “Yes, but it would be better to have it a few days before the social season starts. Just to give Gabriel some time to get accustomed to courtly life.”

“Li, two weeks isn’t enough,” Drake states.

Liam sighs. “You’re right.” He turns to look at the children, who stare back at him. “I will call Duchess Olivia and Countess Hana. They can help the children in their lessons and give them some tips. And of course I will always be nearby.”

The children smile, then turn back to their food. 

After the plates are cleared, Liam suggests that Bartie bring Eleanor and Gabriel to the ballroom to teach them the Cordonian Waltz. Liam promises to help them, but first decides to go talk to Riley about the announcement.

He knocks on her door, and hears a faint, “Come in.”

When Liam walks in, she seems shocked. 

“Sorry,” he says. “Is... this a bad time?” Her hair is wet and her skin glistens. Liam can tell she just came out of the shower. 

“No, it’s fine.” She laughs. “I thought it would be Maxwell.” 

Liam chuckles. “He always woke you during the social season, didn’t he?” 

Riley smiles to herself. “Yeah.”

“I wish I could have been the one to greet you every morning, but I’m glad you were always met by a friendly face.” 

Her smile falters. After a moment, she says, “Liam, we need to talk. About everything.” 

He holds up a hand. “I know, love.” He clears his throat, wondering if she was still comfortable with him calling her that. “We have a lot to discuss, but I wanted to let you know that I’ve hold Bertrand to help send out an announcement about Gabriel.” 

Her eyebrows crease. “What about Gabriel?” 

He pauses, wondering what her expression meant. “That he will be anointed as the heir at the end of the social season.” 

“Liam, are you serious?” She shakes her head. “You’re just going to push him into courtly life? With no knowledge of how anything works, of how people act? I felt stressed during my social season, and I was just a suitor. As the heir there’s going to be so many things he needs to learn—”

“Yes, and he’s already ten years late,” Liam interrupts her, trying to be convincing. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel stressed. “Riley, trust me, this is in his best interest.” 

“Excuse you?” Riley’s face hardens, and Liam regrets his words. 

He knew she was in a delicate position, perhaps it would have been best to let her speak. 

She continues, “It’s not in his best interest, it’s in your best interest, because you need an heir.” 

Liam takes a step back, offended. “I meant to say that it’s in his best interests because as Crown Prince, there are such things due to him which he hasn’t received—”

“Oh, God, Liam. You haven’t changed, have you?” Riley frowns and looks Liam up and down, seemingly disappointed. 

Liam regards her, too, wondering where these thoughts were coming from. Did she not trust him anymore? Who poisoned her mind against him?

“You’re the same,” she states. “Willing to throw people you ‘care about’ under stress and anxiety so you look good in front of your people. Is that why you brought my family here when I was suffering from memory loss? So you could put him through whatever you wanted while I would be oblivious to it?” 

Liam’s face falls. Did she think he was being selfish? “Of course not, Riley. And I’ll be there to help him with whatever he needs, and I will do the same for you.” 

“Just like you were there to help me during the social season?” 

“Riley, that was different.” 

“How so?” 

“I told you, Riley, I had to be fair to the other suitors, I had to—”

“How is his first social season going to be any different than mine? Considering all the pain and humiliation I was put through? Not only will I be badmouthed again, but Gabe will, too.” 

“I won’t allow that to happen.” 

“Really?” Her eyes redden. “Just like you didn’t allow the court to shame, bully, and taunt me during your Engagement Tour?” 

Liam felt like he was being backed into a corner, and he didn’t like it. He was doing everything in his power not to lash out at Riley. Liam knew she was in a delicate position. It was his job to make her feel better, not worse. 

He walks up to her, holding her hands in his, the softness of her skin a fresh feeling, but she yanks her hands away. 

They stand inches from each other, Riley staring defiantly up at him, while Liam looked down at her in pity and heartbreak. 

Neither of us have changed, have we? 

That’s not right. She’s changed. 

"Riley,” Liam says in a soft voice, staring deep into her eyes, quietly begging her to be on his side. “I know there is a lot we have to discuss, and you know I have a duty to my country, to my people. It’s not my choice whether or not to introduce Gabriel to everyone, it’s my obligation. But, Riley, I promise you, I won’t let anything or anyone hurt you or our son.” 

She sighs, about to respond to his declaration, but Eleanor walks through the door, crying, “Mama! I learned the Cordonian Waltz!”

Liam turns, noticing Bartie and Gabe in the doorway. He turns to Ella and says, “That quickly?” 

“Yup! Look!” 

She proceeds to hold up her arms around an invisible partner, then takes a few calculated steps and spins. Finally, she strikes a pose facing away from Liam and Riley, both of who begin to applaud. 

“That was great, baby!” Riley says, reaching to hug her daughter. 

Liam turns to ask Gabriel if he’s had the same luck as his sister, but Rowan appears. “Hey, Riley,” she says. “Have you had breakfast yet?” 

“No. I was going to come down in a minute.” Riley glances in Liam’s direction. 

He puts a hand on her shoulder and tells her, “I’ll be in the Duke’s office, helping the announcement and press conference.” 

Liam stands next to her for a few more moments, his heart aching for her to look up at him. He turns to leave, and Eleanor waves at him, while Gabriel gives the most genuine smile Liam has seen.

[ashspn]

All of my love

*Not my gif* *Major character death*

Dean was pissed. Which when was Dean not pissed. This time he had a good reason. This was the first time that he could have everything he ever wanted, and he got it. He got the love of his life, the beautiful home, the dog, and two kids. The apple pie life. Sam was happy and healthy being with Eileen and becoming the leader of the North American hunters. Dean often told Sam that this was what he was meant to be. He was a natural-born leader. Sam would often call begging for him to come back to the team. Sam loved to try to seduce him with the monster of the week, but he always says no. After his brush with death, even though he had experienced that feeling way too many times and never felt anything of it, that last time felt different for him. It felt real until the paramedics showed up and pumped him with so much medicine and fluids that he didn’t even ask what was in most of the needles. To tell you the truth that time he might have actually felt ready to go. Life at that point in time wasn’t great with Cas gone, Jack being God and Sam had Eileen. He was feeling hopeless. All he knew was he was thankful that Sam told him to shut up about letting him go and called 911. When he woke up in his bed after hours of surgery, he expected life to be the same. It wasn’t because he had gorgeous blue eyes staring back at him and holding his hands waiting for him to wake up.

“Dean!” Cas jumped up to run and grab the rest of the family, but Dean squeezed his hand for him to stay. Cas stopped looking down at the unbreakable man. He hated seeing him looking like this because it reminded him of a time that seemed like a lifetime ago when Dean was forced to take on Alistair all because he asked him to. Cas looked back at the door knowing Sam would want to know right away but then he looked down at Dean and saw the haunting in his eyes. Cas sat back down allowing Dean a moment to collect his thoughts before he dragged everyone in.

5 years prior

“Cas.” Dean whispered. His voice was hoarse, and his throat was so dry. Everything hurt but more importantly his back where the nail shoved right through.

“Cas, how are you even here man? I saw you get taken. Jack said it wasn’t possible to bring you back.” Cas smiled down at him. Dean scrunched up his face knowing something was different. Something was off about Cas.

“We found a loophole. No more grace means I’m human and humans don’t go to the empty.” Dean dropped Cas’s hand in shock. Cas was an angel. That was who he was. Dean wouldn’t have cared anyway if he had powers or not but the thought of Cas giving up who he always been was hard for Dean to wrap his head around. Dean didn’t know if he could give up being a hunter. That was who he was.

“Cas are you sure you wanted to do that. Are you okay with being a human?” Cas gave him a soft look.

“Dean, all I wanted was to be able to come home. Now I can enjoy peanut butter and jelly sandwiches again.” Dean chuckled but then winced in pain. Cas came forward wanted so badly to be able to heal him. That was one thing Cas missed about being an angel. When Jack pulled him out the first thing Jack said was Dean was hurt. Cas didn’t care about anything else. He needed to get to Dean. Jack zapped Cas into the waiting room right as they were wheeling Dean into surgery. His breathing was shallow, and he was covered in so much blood. Cas tried placing a hand on Dean to heal him, but nothing worked. Cas knew that but that meant it didn’t hurt any less. Then he was pushed aside by a doctor left alone until Sam came in.

“I’m fine,” Dean waved him off so not to worry. “Well, I’m glad you’re back buddy. Where’s Sam?”

Present-day

Dean paced the bunker library trying to process what Sam was trying to tell him. All he heard was white noise. “Sam, stop! What do you mean that my daughter and my husband are missing? This hunt was supposed to be a milk run.” Dean turned to leave to head towards the weapons room to get every weapon known to man to save his family. Sam ran after him trying to make him stop and listen to him, but Sam knew he lost Dean a long time ago when he said Claire’s GPS was disconnected and Cas’s phone wasn’t answering. Claire and Cas had gone out on a hunt against a werewolf. It was a very simple hunt that both of them had dealt with a million times. At the end of the day, Claire could have done it by herself and been home in time for dinner. Cas insisted to go with her saying he missed her and wouldn’t mind helping her with this case. He even dug his old trench coat out for his FBI uniform. All that was running through Dean’s mind was how could this happened. The nightmares were supposed to be over.

“Dean, will you just listen before you go guns a-blazing.” Dean whipped around with fire in his eyes.

“I’ve been listening Sam. It sounds like a bunch of bullshit to me! Either you come with me and help or get out of my way.” Dean began gathering every silver item they had in the weapons room not caring if he looked crazy to Sam or not.

“Dean, you haven’t been on a hunt in five years so can you please slow down so we can think about what to do.” Sam snatched the duffel bag out of Dean’s hands so that Dean would finally listen to him.

“What are you trying to say I’m not capable to deal with a werewolf. That I’m rusty just because I chose to retire. That doesn’t mean I still don’t know what I’m doing. I’m still one of the best damn hunters out there.”

“That’s not what I’m saying. Trust me no one could replace THE Dean Winchester besides THE Claire Winchester. So, yes, I’m worried too. I was the one that assigned Claire the case after all because I knew she could have done it. Clearly, we don’t know what we are getting ourselves into if both her and Cas are in trouble.” Dean took the duffle bag taking a deep breath. He knew Sam was right but that didn’t mean he still wasn’t scared.

“Ahhhh!” Cas blinked his eyes open at the sound of his daughter screaming out in pain. Dizziness was washing over him making it hard to concentrate where she was or where he was. The room was dark with only a flicking light bulb dangling from the ceiling. He could feel his hands and feet were bound by rope to a pole and he could see he was the only one there.

“Ahhh!” Another scream echoed throughout the house. Cas tried to pull his limbs free with no success. He could feel a nail was poking out. He rubbed his wrists up and down feeling the binds loosening with each swipe until finally, his hands were free. He ripped the bounds from his ankles, beginning to run to the door. His main priority was to find Claire and get out. He pulled his phone out dialing the only number he ever needed in the world.

The road felt long and bleak. Dean never would have said he loved life on the road, but he also didn’t hate it as much as he did now. The road was home once upon a time but now it felt like a burden. Home was the log cabin with the lake in the back. He and Castiel often found themselves on the dock fishing for hours even though Cas often asked why Dean found it relaxing to fish when he never caught anything. Dean smiled to himself missing his angel. His smile grew wider as he thought about how Claire and Jack often came to visit too. Both grown and out of the house, but Sundays were for the family after all. Dean cooking on the grill and Cas baking a pie in the kitchen while Jack and Claire fight like kids over the remote control. Dean knew that his kids' lives were never going to be normal and they never were but at least that one day of the week Claire and Jack were able to be normal people.

Dean’s thoughts were interrupted by the buzzing of his phone. He reached down to grab his phone out of his pocket not even bothering to look at the name.

“Dean, I’m in a house off of road spring flower. Claire is here but she’s hurt but I’m not sure where she is. Dean, I am so sorry. I was supposed to protect her.” Dean was trying to wrap his head around what was happening. Cas. Cas was okay and alive. Claire was too.

“Cas wait slow down. Tell me exactly where you are. I am driving to you now.” Cas let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Dean’s voice steadies him and made him more focused. As he kept running trying to find where his daughter was; he tried to give Dean as much detail as he could remember but most of it was foggy.

“I’m sorry Dean, everything is still scrambled. It might have been white. I don’t know.” Cas huffed.

“Buddy, it’s okay. Just stay on the line until I get there. Everything will be okay.” Dean reassured. Cas trudged forward seeing all of the horrors that were laid around him. Bloodstained the walls and flesh littered the floor. He sucked in a breath trying really hard not to get nauseous.

“Hey, how did you escape from your bounds?” Cas stopped in his tracks to face a werewolf or that was what he thought. The monster was like a large man, but his teeth were pointy like a vamps’, but his eyes shone like a werewolf. Cas pulled out a silver blade just in time to cut the monster as he swung at his head. The creature jumped back with a yelp but the spot on his arm didn’t burn like it should if he was a werewolf.

“Where’s my daughter, you assbutt?” Cas exclaimed.

“Cas, Cas what’s going on? Who’s there?” Dean shook with fear. He just got Cas back he didn’t want to think what would happen if he died and he wasn’t there to save him. “Cas, hold on and don’t do anything stupid.” All Dean could hear on the other end was fighting and a lot of grunting. It didn’t sound good. Dean pushed the car harder even though she was going as hard as she could already. Almost there he thought. Almost there.

“Cas!” Dean shouted one last time as the line went dead. “Son of a bitch!” Sam looked over at him with concern, but Dean couldn’t focus on Sam’s worrying about him, he needed to save his family.

Every hit Cas got in the monster got three times the amount. All he could hear was a distant sound of Dean’s voice which was the only thing keeping him up. His vision was blurred and knew he might have a couple of broken ribs but he kept pushing. Cas swung one more time missing completely. Then the next thing he knew he felt a fist connect to his skull and the world went black.

“Dean, slow down. You can’t save them if we are both dead.” Sam braced on for dear life as Dean whipped the car around a curve sending the tires to screech. Dean didn’t listen he kept trucking forward. All he could think was five more miles, three more miles, one more mile until he slammed his breaks to find them in front of the house. Dean jumped out running to the trunk grabbing everything he could carry that wouldn’t slow him down. Sam wasn’t too far trying to get him to slow down.

“Wait, we need a plan before we go in there and get ourselves killed or Cas and Claire.” Dean glared at him. He had a plan to kill all of those sons of a bitches and get his husband and daughter out safely. “Dean, that’s not a plan that’s suicide.”

“And they are in there hurt or dead by now because I wasn’t there to protect them and the longer, we sit out here arguing the greater the chances we have of finding them dead. Let’s go because it’s only you and me. Jack’s not answering which next time I see him I’m going to ground him.” That was what Dean had on the subject.

Dean looked around the house trying to focus himself, so he didn’t get sick. He dealt with a lot in his life but nothing would have prepared him for the gore that was in this house. He kept walking until he came upon a broken phone. Cas’s phone. He picked it up and showed Sam. Sam nodded understanding they must be close.

“Dean, go find Cas and I will look for Claire.” Dean looked down at the phone and shook his head no. Sam gave him a perplexed look of confusion. Any other day Dean would be the first one on the finding Cas team even before they were in a couple. What changed?

“Cas and I had a deal that if this ever went down. Whichever one of his was kidnapped along with Claire or Jack we would forget about the other and find them first. You go get Cas. I got Claire.” Sam nodded and understood.

“Such a pretty girl. You know you would be a nice trophy to keep with my others.” Claire breathed heavily glaring at her captive. She spat at him landing it right below his left eye. He wiped it off giving her a grim smile. “Now that isn’t very lady-like, sweetheart.”

“Well, I’m no lady and I ain’t your sweetheart either you piece of shit.” She growled. He gripped her jaw bringing her face real close. All she could smell was the rotting flesh from his last meal. She tried to turn away, but he pulled her back to face him.

“That is no way to speak to your master. Apologize or you get burned again.” She kept her mouth shut without breaking eye contact. “Fine, here you go sweetheart.” He stabbed the hot iron once again releasing a scream from her throat. The pain made her want to blackout. All she saw was the sheering pain of white behind her eyelids as he kept pressing harder.

“Hey, asshole. Get your grimy hands off of my daughter.” The creature pulled away to turn around to see the Dean Winchester. The man they told stories about to scare monster children to bed. This man was supposed to be dead. The monster lunge at Dean but didn’t get far before he shot off three rounds. He only needed one but the other two were for what he did to his daughter. Dean put the gun away and ran over to Claire. He found she was unconscious. He tried to wake her up with a couple of shakes, calling her name out.

“Come on, baby girl, wake up. Please we got to go and find your pops.” Finally, he could see her blue eyes blink open. She smiled when she realized who was there to rescue her.

“Sam is looking for him. I talked to him thirty minutes ago before he was taken again. Come on we need to get you out of here.” Claire tried to protest, wanting to stay and find her pops. Dean didn’t listen and half carried her out of the doorway towards the exit.

“Dad.” Dean pulled her close letting the tears he didn’t realize he was holding in escape down his face. She tried to hug him, but she was too weak to raise her arms.

“Dad, where’s pop?” Dean shush her and ran a hand down her hair trying to soothe her.

Sam slowly made his way down the steps towards the basement making sure to be careful not to make a sound. So far so good, but he feared that as he made his way farther down, he would find something he didn’t want. He did. He found Cas bloody and bruised; chained to the ground passed out.

“Cas get up. Dean is not going to be happy about this.” Sam leaned down to haul his brother-in-law up and tried to carry him up the steps until Cas woke up trying to swing at him.

“Get your hands off of me you monster.” Sam grabbed his hands to stop him from hurting himself even more.

“Stop, it’s me, Sam. I’m taking you home.” Cas blinked recognizing the familiar figure.

“Where’s Dean?” He asked.

“He went to find Claire. We are going to meet him at the Impala.” Cas stopped in his tracks with panic in his eyes. “Cas, what’s wrong.”

“We need to get to Dean right now.” Cas broke free from Sam’s grasp, trying to run up the steps before his legs gave out from him.

“Cas, Dean will be fine besides you can’t help him much when you can barely stand.” Cas tried to haul himself up, but Sam came over to help him instead.

“You don’t understand. These are not monsters we have ever face before shooting them doesn’t kill them, silver doesn’t hurt them, nor does holy water. I have no clue what we are facing.” Cas exclaims. Sam took hold of Cas’s arm trying to steady him once again to help him up the stairs. Sam knew that Dean who kill him if he tried to divert from the plan of saving Cas. He just worried about getting them to the car.

After a few feet of walking, Claire felt better. She wasn’t one hundred percent but at least she wasn’t on the verge of passing out again. That didn’t convince Dean though. He kept trying to steal quick glances at her to make sure she was okay.

“Dad, I’m fine. Does everything hurt yes but nothing but a little whisky and a movie night won’t heal? Please stop worrying and keep your eyes peel. These monsters are unique. They are nothing we have ever seen before. I don’t even think they are in the lore.” Dean nodded trying to focus on the mission.

“You know I will never stop worrying about you or your brother. Even if he might be God.” Claire rolled her eyes and scoffed. “Hey, I know I’ve told you this one too many times, but I wasn’t supposed to have this. I wasn’t supposed to have you two and your father be in my life. I wasn’t supposed to have a family. I was destined to die at twenty-five by the hands of a creature.” Claire smiled at him because she felt the same way. Dean pulled her in for a side hug when he pulled away, he saw the love of his life staring at him.

“Pops!” Claire exclaimed running to hug him. Cas prepared for the embrace and wrapped his arms around her not wanting to let go. His little girl was safe and didn’t look as hurt as he thought she was going to be. As he was hugging her Cas looked up to see his husband smile back at him with tears forming in his eyes. Cas smiled back slowly moving towards Dean after Claire pulled back.

“Cas,” Dean whispered taking in how badly hurt his love was. Dean swore that after this hunt he was going to convince Cas to hang it up. No more hunts, no more missions. Just living the quiet life and helping through the use of the home. Dean didn’t think he could go through this one more time, but he also said that last time they were in this situation.

“Dean.” Dean pulled Cas in for a gentle kiss leading into a hug. Cas found himself sink into the embrace wanting to rest in the warmth of Dean’s arms. Their reunion was cut short by Claire’s shout of a lookout. Dean turned around to see the monster he had killed or well he thought had killed was still up and moving with no visible wounds. What the hell he thought. He shoved Cas behind him and ready his weapon in hand. How was this bastard still alive? Dean swung his knife at him, and the thing dodged each swing.

“Dad, be careful,” Claire screamed.

“Sam! Get them out of here now.” Dean yelled trying to fight off the monster, but each attack didn’t prevail. It was like this thing was indestructible. Claire tried to push forward but Cas caught her in his arms pulling her back.

“No, we are not leaving without you,” Claire exclaimed. Dean turned to smile at her.

“Go baby girl. I will be right behind you.” Then the world stood still. Dean looked down to see the blade go right through his chest and be pulled out. Dean looked up at his family as he fell to his knees.

“Nooo!” Claire screamed running to him kneeling down to pull him into her arms.

“Dean!” Sam and Cas shouted. Sam pulled out his machete and cut the creature's head clean off. Cas stood in place not able to process what just happen. Claire sobbed in his chest and he shushed her trying to soothe her till his final breath.

“No, no. You can’t die. Not yet. Dad, I love you too much. Please don’t leave me” Claire cried. Dean rubbed a hand down her hair.

“Shhh. It’s okay. Claire, it’s okay sweetheart.” Dean whispered.

“It’s not fair. I can’t lose you too.” Cas came behind her rubbing her back as he looked down at the man that couldn’t die.

“I know, darling. You made my life better. You all made me so happy. Tell your brother I love him.” Dean’s breath hitch and his hand that was in Claire’s hair fell to his side. The great Dean Winchester was dead.

Claire sobbed screaming, begging for him to hold on. “Jack! Where are you? Jack!”

Sam held Claire as Cas mustered the strength to wrap Dean’s body in cloth. Sam volunteered to do it, but Cas said he needed to. He needed to say his goodbyes alone. Sam understood because Dean said the same thing when they burned Cas so many years ago. As they waited outside, they saw a figure come towards them.

“Jack?” Jack came towards them looking off. Claire and Sam couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong, but they could tell something was up. “Jack, we have been praying for you. Where have you been?” Claire hissed not able to raise her voice from a whisper.

“I’m sorry angel radio is turned off. I had no way to communicate with anybody. They had me locked away.” Jack said.

“Who had you locked away? What happened Jack?” Sam asked. Jack took a deep breath without a pause to look around to notice his fathers were missing.

“The angels. They have begun to rebel. They don’t like that I have chosen to take a hands-off approach. They believe I should step into people's lives but I have no desire to. Where are my fathers?” Sam and Claire gave him a sad look. “What? What’s wrong?” Claire came towards him trying to break the news as gently as she could.

“Dad’s dead,” Claire said. Jack gave her a perplexed look out of disbelief. His dad was dead. He knew death wasn’t final for them. He could go see Dean in heaven, but it wasn’t the same. No more Sunday night dinners with all of them at the cabin. Dean wouldn’t be able to take him fishing down at their lake. Everything in heaven was very artificial and with what was going on in heaven he didn’t know how much longer heaven would stand.

“I wasn’t here to save him. I’m so sorry. I didn’t get to say goodbye.” Claire pulled him into a hug as he kept repeating that he didn’t get to say goodbye.

Cas stared at the lifeless body that once held the spirit of the man that could have put the fear into any man, monster, or creature. That could have put a smile on anyone’s face with his child-like wonder. The man that had finally defeated all of his demons. The man that was supposed to live the rest of his life easy and happy till he was old and gray. The man that fell in love with a fallen angel and made that angel feel loved for being who he was.

Cas pulled the sheet over Dean’s face. Most days he would blink back the tears but today he let each one fall slowly. He gentle tied each rope around his beloved's body taking his time, not ready to say goodbye.

“Dean Winchester.” Cas closed his eyes and let out a sigh. “The man, the myth, the legend. I love you.” Cas tied the last knot and went out to grab Sam to help him carry his husband’s body to the pyre. As they carried him, he could see his children console each other. Claire holding Jack as they both wept watching their father’s body being placed on top. A signal of a final goodbye. Cas walked over to them wrapping them both into his arms as they watch the whole thing go up in flames. Cas held his children tight knowing they had a lot to figure out. Like what the hell was going on with Jack, where did those monsters come from, and to process the thought for the first time Dean was actually gone with no way back.

[staticscreenwriting]

Casual moths - chapter seven

Find the other parts on my masterlist here.

If you liked this part and wanna help me out, please consider a reblog. Thank you.

Chapter seven - ice-cream and cuddles

Angel is leaning against the side of the building, cigarette dangling from his hand. Every once in a while his gaze drifts back towards the big front windows of the ice cream shop. Callie and Daisy are sitting in one of the booths with the bright blue plastic benches. Daisy is happily pointing at pictures in the menu in front of her, no doubt trying to decide which flavour to chose. 

He can’t hold back the smile pulling at his lips as he thinks back to a moment ago when Daisy spotted him waiting in the car as Callie picked her up from her mother’s place. There’s an infinite amount of adoration and affection in her whenever she interacts with him and though he knows kids get infatuated with just about anyone, it still fills him with pride to know that she likes him this much. That she likes having him around. 

Some irresponsible, delusional part of his brain conjures up thoughts of a future much like this. One where the club doesn’t get tangled in cartel shit anymore. Where violence and death doesn’t pave his way. Where he can lead a good life with his girls. Maybe have a little house with a garden and a pool for Daisy to swim. They could get a dog, a big fluffy one. And maybe someday down the line he’d get Callie pregnant again. See her carry his baby. Give Daisy a sibling. They’d have so much love to give. One thing Angels knows for sure, never would any of his children (blood related or not) feel inadequate. Never would they be made to feel like they had to compete for his love. He’d remind them of it every damn day, so much so that they’d probably grow sick and tired of their old dad. He wouldn’t care though as long as they knew they were loved unconditionally. 

A future like that, he can almost see it, it’s there in front of him just waiting for him to reach out and grab it. But he can’t. Because he knows that no matter how much he wants it and no matter how close and real it seems, it’s just a dream. Though the movies and songs always tell you to do it, chasing your dreams is dangerous, it’s scary. Because there comes a point when maybe you can’t catch up anymore, where you have to admit to yourself that it won’t happen. And what then ? The movies never talk about that. About the heartbreak and the pain.

So he tries to keep those thoughts pushed to the back of his mind and just enjoy the time he’s given with these two ladies, however short or long that will be.

The ringing of his phone shakes him from his daydream and, after stomping out the bud of his cigarette, he answers. 

“ Took you long enough. What held you up, man ? Your kid got her hands on a screwdriver again ? “ 

Coco’s unamused chuckle sounds through the receiver, “ very funny. You should be a fucking comedian “.

“ Tell me something I don’t know. “ 

“ So, what’s got your balls in a twist then ? “ 

“ Someone trashed Callie’s Flower shop and I need to find the guy. “ 

“ Shit, really ? How bad is it ? She alright ? “ 

“ She’s not hurt but that shop is her baby. And that guy, he’s been stalking her for a while now. So me crazy delusional ex. He needs to go Coco. “ 

“ Geez man, ya know I have your back but — “ 

“ I don’t wanna kill him. I just wanna scare him off. “ 

Yet. He doesn’t wanna kill him yet. If this whole scaring off thing doesn’t work, Angel is not afraid to move on to more drastic measures. That’s both a vice and a virtue, he thinks, once someone means something to him, he’s willing to do everything to keep them safe. He’s fiercely protective, loyal to his family, to the people he — loves.

Killing that guy is not something he wants to do necessarily, but he will if it comes to it, if he has to. Coco doesn’t need to know all that though, not right now. 

“ You know where to find this guy ? “ 

“ Not yet.  I got the prospect watching her house. If I ain’t with her I’ll have him watch her every step. “ 

“ So what do you need me for ? “ 

“ I uh — kinda wanna fix shit at the store, kinda rebuild it. “ 

“ Angel. “ 

“ Look, I’ll put in all the money and shit I just need someone to help me out with the work. “ 

“ I got shit to do. “ 

“ Like what ? Making more kids ? “ 

“ Fuck you, Angel. “ 

“ That was a joke, ok ? Just a joke. Look, she’s real important to me. I told her I’d fix this. “ 

He can hear Coco sigh at the other end of the phone. Angel is painfully aware that this is a lot to ask of Coco. But he’s his closest friend and who else would he turn to if not Coco. They’ve been through the biggest piles of shit together, this is nothing compared. 

“ Well why the fuck would you say that ? Man, will you ever stop thinking with your dick ? “ 

He’s not. Maybe for the first time in his life in a situation where a woman is involved that he’s thinking with something other than his dick. He’s letting his heart lead for the first time ever. But that’s a cheesy fucking thing to say so he doesn’t say it.

“ It’s not like that. Not this time. “ he hopes the sincerity in his words translates well through the phone. Because this is serious. Whatever it is he has with her is so serious to him.

Coco is silent for a moment and Angel can just imagine him fighting with himself. But this is Coco and though he’s a weird dude, he’s got a big heart and he’s as loyal as a god damn Golden Retriever.

“ Alright. Alright I’ll help you. But you owe me man, big time. “ 

“ I do. I know I do. Thanks Coco. I’ll come around the clubhouse later, we’ll talk then. “ 

“ Sure, whatever man. Only doing it because she’s a nice girl. “ 

“ You have no idea. “ 

She’s not just nice, she’s incredible. She’s everything. 

As he catches her eyes through the window, his heart skips a beat and he knows then, that he’s doing the right thing. He’ll do whatever he has to, to see that smile.

“ I gotta go, Coco. Talk later. “

“ Yeah alright. Bye. “ 

As he finishes his phone call, Angel steps inside the ice cream store, the bell above the door chiming up as he enters. Daisy looks up and there it is again, the sparkle. The adoration as she looks at him like he’s some kind of hero. He’s far from it but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t at least try to stay the hero in her story.

“ So, what have you girls decided on, huh ? “ he asks as he slides into the booth next to Callie, Daisy sitting across from them.

“ I want one scoop of bubble gum, one scoop of mint chocolate chip and lots of sprinkles. “ the little girl replies.

“ Ooooh sprinkles sound good. What about whipped cream ? “ 

She enthusiastically nods her head. “ Yes. Love whipped cream. “ 

“ Me too. “ 

It feels easy being here, light. It feels as if all his problems don’t exist when he is with Callie and Daisy. They give his life a certain glow, a pop of color that hasn’t been there before.

He feels Callie’s hand slip into his underneath the table, fingers tangling with his. He was never one for PDA, never one for holding hands. That was before Callie though. Now every little sign of affection, he soaks up like a sponge. And so when she looks up at him he presses a soft kiss to her lips and it feels — right.

It’s later that day, the sun slowly setting sends a pink glow across all of Santo Padre. Angel is holding a half asleep Daisy in his arms. Her head rests on his shoulders as she tiredly murmures on about some animated movie she’s been watching the other day.

This girl seems to have an unlimited amount of energy. He remembers being a child. Things back then felt infinite. Everything was exciting and grand and breathtaking. Even back then he realised that EZ was the golden child of the family. The one his parents’ hopes and dreams rested on. But it didn’t matter then because all it meant back then, was less pressure resting on him. That would change once he turned into a teenager but back then it really didn’t matter. All that mattered was having fun and causing chaos and making chocolate chip pancakes with his mom on a sunday morning.

“ Do you wanna take a nap baby ? “ Callie asks, as they enter her apartment, and combs her fingers softly through her daughter’s hair.

The little girl shakes her head adamantly, clinging tighter to Angel. Again, he can’t help but smile.

“ I wanna stay with Angel. I wanna watch Pets. “ 

“ You sure ? You seem really tired. “ 

Again she shakes his head “ No. I wanna stay with Angel. “ 

Her words are lulled in a sleepy voice and both Callie and Angel know she’s not gonna last much longer but neither of them really have the heart to tell her no. 

“ I don’t know if Angel wants to stay ? “ Callie says then looks up at him. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking but he’s sure there’s something in her eyes, hope, longing — love.

“ Oh yeah I do. I’ll stay as long as you girls want me around “. 

Those words seem harmless, as if it’s just about tonight’s plans. They aren’t though. They mean more. They hold a heavy weight. And Callie knows it, she can see it in his eyes. 

So when she smiles back, his heart soars. “ You’re always welcome here, always. “ 

“ Guess we’ll be watching Pets then “ he says and sits down on the couch with Daisy still holding onto him as if he might vanish if she lets go even a tiny bit.

“ You do that. Lemme just go shower real quick, Daisy knows how the TV works. Make yourself a home. “ 

With that, Callie disappears in the bathroom. 

“ D’you wanna show me how to put the movie on ? “ Angel asks, trying to get Daisy to look up at him. She does and her big gorgeous eyes look tired. So so tired, it seems to be a struggle for her to keep them open at all.

“ It’s the silver thingie, press the big button first. “ she instructs him and points towards a silver remote control. Angel does as she says and the TV springs to live. He’s shown a menu of several things to chose from, TV, Amazon, Netflix, Music. There’s a big selection of things though none of that catches his attention.

What does catch his attention, is the picture in the background of the selection screen, one that Callie clearly uploaded and chose herself. She’s there, a bit younger, hair a bit longer and styled differently. But it’s her no doubt. The smile is the same radiant ray of sunshine that he’s grown so fond of. She’s holding a baby, one that can’t be older than a few weeks. Tiny thing. So so tiny. He doesn’t know a lot about babies, thinks they all look pretty much identical, so really he can only assume this one’s Daisy. He’s fairly sure of that though, judging only by the way Callie is looking at her in that picture. Full of love. Pride. Happiness.

There’s a man there, holding them close. His eyes are displaying the exact same kind of love. He seems so proud of these girls and Angel can only assume how that feels. He feels glimpses of that, tiny sparks every once in a while. But this guy, those were officially his girls, no buts, no almosts, no maybes. Those were his girls through and through. 

“ That’s my daddy. He went to heaven when I was a baby. “ Daisy’s tiny voice speaks up again. “ Mommy says he loves me very much. She always tells me stories. She says he’s up in the sky watching me and making sure I don’t get hurt. “ 

It hasn’t occurred to him until now, that Daisy knows so very little about her own father. That all she ever gets to learn about him is from other people’s stories. She was too young to really remember him. He wonders what that is like. Wonders if in the end it saves her a lot of heartbreaks. Maybe it’s easier to lose something you don’t remember, something you never know you had in the first place.

“ Oh I’m sure he’s watching over you. Looking at all your pretty drawings. He’s probably really proud of you learning how to swim. “ 

“ You really think he’s up there ? I can’t see him. “ 

This is not a conversation he thought he was going to have today. Existentialism and life after death is not usually a topic to debate about with a small child. And yet, sometimes kids have an easier approach to things. One that’s both less and more factual at the same time. They spend not thoughts on being reasonable, they just want to know. They just want to understand. 

“ You know, my mom went to heaven a few years ago and she always told me people we love never really leave us, that they sit up there on clouds and watch over us and send us little miracles, little wonders every once in a while when we need them. I didn’t believe any of that. My mommy was gone and I was so sad and there were no miracles for me, nothing. It felt like she was just — not there anymore. But then something did happen, life did send me a miracle and now I think my mom might actually be there looking out for me. “ 

He’s never told this to anyone before. Has had a hard time coming to terms with this himself. But spilling his heart to Daisy, someone he knows won't judge him, it feels good. It feels liberating. Like someone is taking a huge weight off of his shoulders.

“ What happened ? “ Daisy asks, cuddling further into him as he leans back on the couch. 

“ I met your mama. “ 

“ Mama’s your miracle ? “ 

“ Mmmh. And you too. “ 

She kisses his cheek at that and he’s sure he’s melting right there and then. 

“ You’re my miracle too. “ she says and lets a big yawn overtake her. “ Now can we watch secret life of pets ? “

“ Sure little one. Sure we can. “ 

It’s 20 minutes later that Callie walks back into the living room. Obnoxious animated cats and dogs are jumping around on the tv screen. She’s just about to speak up, when her eyes drift towards the couch and a smile overtakes her face.

Angel is lying on the couch, Daisy resting on his chest. Both are fast asleep, little snores echoing through the room. 

This, she decides then, is a sight she wants to see more often. This is what she wants her future to look like. Even if it’s scary. Sometimes scary things are good. Sometimes they really are worth it. 

And if anyone is worth it, it’s Angel. Even if he can’t see that himself. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #188

“don’t you try to hide with those angel eyes.”

Would you rather take a walk in the cold rain, or in the blistering heat? Ha, the rain, any day. What is your favorite card game? Magic: The Gathering. If it were revealed that religion in its entirety did not actually exist, would your outlook on life be any different? No. If you had the chance to slip through a portal, despite being aware of any of effects and/or consequences, would you do it? No. Which parent was more strict when you were growing up? Mom. Worst facial hair, in your opinion: The pedo mustache. You know the one I'm talking about. Have you ever eaten dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets? Yes, I like, demanded we get those instead of regular as a kid lol. McDonalds, do you like it or does it disgust you? I honestly don't see why people hate it?? Do you like the state you live in? No. Did you ever own a Tamagotchi? I believe so. What do you hope you grow out of? The laziness I have with chores oops. What is the healthiest and unhealthiest thing you do on a regular basis? Healthiest, drink at least one bottle of water... even though I know that's nowhere near where I'm supposed to be lmao. Unhealthiest, drink soda. What is the most embarrassing thing you own? Ummmm idk. What is the strangest habit you have? I have to go use the bathroom literally right before I lay down for bed. Doesn't matter if I did ten minutes ago, I /have/ to go again because if I feel even a damn drop in my bladder, I can't sleep. What movie made you cry the most? The Notebook, probably. Titanic really got me, too. What was one of the happiest moments of your childhood? Getting my dog. What’s your favorite vacation memory from when you were a child? Watching the fireworks above the castle at Disney World. What impression do you try to give when you first meet someone? I try to be very polite. Who or what inspires you to be a better person? Mark. What’s the TLDR description of your last relationship? I didn't like him like that. If you found out your current life has been just a dream, would you choose to wake up? (You don’t know if your real life would be better or worse.) No. Well... do I ever wake up? If I was going to at some point, then I would, as I'd just be hurting myself by living in a word I would only leave. What dumb thing did you believe for a really long time? I'm not even remotely kidding, I didn't put together what "PMS" stood for and thought it was about mood swings 'n shit *during* your period until a few months ago. Where would you like to retire? I'm not thinking of that yet. What brings you the most joy in life? Talking/being with Sara. How many windows are on the upstairs part of your house? We don't have an upstairs. Do you own many hats? I have a Carolina Hurricanes one somewhere from going to a game with Dad, maybe two actually, but idr where they are or if I even still have them. When was the last time you were kept off school/work etc because of snow? I haven't been in school in a long time and I'm unemployed. Have you ever taken an underwater picture? No. Ever been on a ride and hated every second? Not seriously. I went on one I was terrified of (one of those circles that goes waaay up and then abruptly drops you) just to step out of my comfort zone, but I didn't hate it. Scared tho. What were an average day’s tasks at your favorite job you’ve had so far? I most certainly don't have a favorite. Does your car have a backup camera? I don't have my own car, but Mom's doesn't. Are you working on any goals? Yeah, not going well. :') Do you enjoy reading? Not particularly... I kinda just stopped enjoying it, but I also associate it with the hospital because that and coloring was all I ever did. The only thing I really *enjoy* reading is our RP because I'm so deeply invested in our characters, but even then, I procrastinate reading long posts. I'm genuinely trying to start reading again, though... I used to adore it. Are you interested in politics? No, though I should care. Did/Do you enjoy high school? Not usually 'cuz I was a depressed shit. Have you ever watched The Golden Girls? YES Ma and I love that shit. Did you ever like the Ninja Turtles? No. Ever been in a meaningless relationship? Tyler, yes. Does anything on your body hurt right now? Not at this very instant. Know anyone on birth control? Most girls I know + myself. Would you go swimming right now if you could? Yeah, that'd be nice. How long was your longest relationship? Over 3 1/2 years. What are you looking forward to in the next 3 months? My birthday. Have you ever gone frog hunting? No. Who’s the last person to seriously hurt you? Mom. Do you like getting dirty? NO. Are you a very flirty person? No. Who was your favorite babysitter? "Uncle" Donny. Do you swear? I think I make that pretty obvious. Are you gullible? Not usually. What is the last dream you remember? (describe) A nightmare with Dad that I don't really remember the details of. What is something that you fear will happen to you in the future? (Also why) I'll develop Alzheimer's. "Why" is obvious. Thankfully, it doesn't run in my family at all. Describe the best day that you can remember? First day at Sara's. Describe your worst day? The night of the breakup. What are some of your favorite songs right now? The SYN remix of Slipknot's "Psychosocial," "Incense and Iron" by Powerwolf, the "Closer" cover by Asking Alexandria, "Sex Metal Barbie" by In This Moment... I really have a lot rn. Do you ever have reoccurring nightmares? Describe? I've had four nightmares with my dad, all with horrible themes. I guess you could call that "reoccurring." Name a fictional place you would like to go? Take. Me. To. Azeroth bitch. Stormheim in specific, or Feralas. What criminal (dead or alive) would you like to sit down and talk to and why? None. If you read books, what are you reading now? I'm very, very slowly reading The Fault in Our Stars. Do you think that forgiveness is mandatory to move on from something? No. I still don't know if I forgive Jason, yet I'm over it. Do you believe in the death penalty? In extreme cases, yup. Some people have no right to life following some crimes. What is something you want to do but are scared of actually doing it? Ride a rollercoaster. Name three things you would buy if you had the money to buy them? A PS4, drawing tablet, another tat. Are you in a relationship right now? If so, do you think it’s a healthy one? Definitely! (Follow up) If it’s unhealthy, what makes it that way? N/A Would you ever date someone long distance? I am now. Name a person that you can’t stand and tell us why? My former best friend for a plethora of reasons. What group do you hate the most on Tumblr and why? SJWs. I'll stay away from "why" because I have extremely strong feelings and don't wanna offend anyone. What is the meanest thing you have ever done to someone, and why? Messaged Jason before leaving for the ER, directly blaming him. I mean the cause was what he did, but like... you don't fucking contact someone telling them "hey I'm off to the ER because I'm suicidal because of you." I don't care what I feel about him now, that was fucked up. Have you ever sent anon hate to someone? Nope. If you could write a book, what would it be about? I actually think it'd be pretty cool to create some sorta novel series involving all the RP stories, like divide the books into each mob's story... If you could make one rule that everyone had to follow, what would it be? Don't exhibit violence. If you could star in a movie, what kind of movie would it be? ONE W/ TIM BURTON. In your opinion what is something horrible everyone should try once? ?????????????????????????????? What is the hardest lesson that you have ever learned? Someone can fall out of love with you. What mistake do you keep making over and over again? Jumping to conclusions. If you could have a video of one event in your life, what would the video be? The moment Sara and I met. What is the most illegal thing you have ever done? Pirated a computer game I desperately wanted to play afsjjwoeuqowe I'm glad I don't have it anymore, that guilt. People in the past were buried with things that were important to them, what would you be buried with? The pebble from Holly Hill. What is something you are against, but find yourself doing anyway? Being sarcastic as hell when I'm mad. What was the last photo that you took? A leaf, I think. What are your favorite lyrics from a song? Probably "a bloody war behind my eyes; I'll come all right on the other side." Have you ever hit someone? Who and why? Nicole when we were little for making me mad over something I don't remember. What do you think they should teach in school that they don’t? Basic adult skills. What’s your favorite language? German. It sounds so powerful to me, especially in metal ajsfoawoejaw. What’s the most vivid dream you’ve ever had? I don't remember. Who’s your favorite celebrity? Korean Jesus. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Rebel's Market rip. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? No, far from on my to-do list. I don't support them in the very least. How many tattoos do you have? Six. If you don't have any, have you ever thought of getting one? N/A When's the last time you ate a homegrown tomato? Like, '16 on a sandwich. Are you a good cook? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Do you know how to pump your own gas? No. What do you think about the most? The future. What do you do most when you are bored? Watch YouTube. Which came first: the chicken or the egg? Chicken. What kind of books do you like to read? Fantasy. How far away from your birthplace do you live now? Like, <10 minutes. Ever been stung by a jelly fish? No. Could you cope with the paparazzi if you were famous? FUCK NO SOMEONE WOULD GET KNOCKED OUT. Do you wear foundation? Veeeeery rarely. Would you ever adopt? If I actually wanted kids, sure. Are you sexually active? No. Last person you sang happy birthday to? Sara. <3 Was the last jacket you wore yours? No. Last thing you won? Uhhhh good question. What level of brightness do you usually keep your phone at? A bit above the middle. Have you ever attended a religious or private school? Well, I went to Sunday school. How many cars does your household own? One. What's your favorite meat? Ummmm pork or chicken. What's the best amusement park you've ever visited? Well, Disney World. How old were you when you got your first car? I still don't have one lol. Do you know anyone who's gotten pregnant over the age of 40? I don't think so? Who does most of the grocery shopping in your home? Mom. Are you listening to music right now? If so, what's the theme of the lyrics? "Adrenalize" by In This Moment. Sex, like it seems most of their songs are about lmao. What movie/game/etc. helps you calm down? Shadow of the Colossus. What does your room smell like? Dog, probably. Do you like to organize? Not particularly. What song is your aesthetic? "She" by Dodie is so Soft and Good. Do you believe in auras? Maybe? Idk. What do you wish you hated, but actually like? Blood On The Dance Floor. I've never really looked into the concrete facts, but I know supposedly they've been sexually involved with those underage. I like a good number of their songs, though. Is there someone you have mixed feelings towards? I'm sure there's someone. Do you prefer space or the ocean? Spaaaaace. What form of government do you like the most? (capitalism, socialism, etc.) Honestly? I don't know actually what they are and I don't care enough to research. What do you think our purpose is in the universe? Hell if I know. Is there a song you can’t handle listening to, even though you like it? "Stairway to Heaven." What ex do you miss the most, if you have one? I most miss who Jason was, not who he became at all. But it doesn't matter, I have someone way more important now. What is your favorite thing to learn about? Meerkats. What country’s history do you find the most interesting? Idk. What breakup was the hardest, if you had one? lol y'all know Do you have someone where you can’t decide if you like them romantically or just as a friend? Not anymore. Do you have any strange interests? RP. What is a topic you are uncomfortable with discussing with most people? Sex. What is something you dislike about the dating world? People don't seem to take love seriously. What gives you confidence? Feeling knowledgeable on the subject. Have you ever dated someone with very different sexual tastes than you? No. Well, not that I know of. I've only been sexual with one. Have you ever said anything you regretted while drunk? No. Has anyone ever been extremely jealous of you? Do you know why? Idk. What was the angriest your parents ever were at you? Dad, idk. Mom, probably when I said "fuck you." That was a night. Or when she tried to kick me out of the car for some argument I can't remember. What was the longest you stayed in your own home for? Weeks, I'm sure. Right now, what is your number one desire? Get a job. Do you feel as though someone ‘won’ in your last break up? No. Whatever happened to the first person you ever loved? I haven't spoke a word to him in almost two years, idk and idc really. Are you currently healthy? In some ways, but no in most. What is something most people are turned on by but you’re not? Extremely muscular men, like wrestlers. Has anyone in your life changed drastically (for better or worse) since you met them? How? Not that I can think of. What song reminds you of good times from high school? "All Signs Point to Lauderdale" by AD2R ironically lmao. Have you ever inherited something? What and from who? No. Who is the last baby that you held? Keegan. Do you know of any twins with rhyming names? No. Last time you saw fireworks? Long time ago. Do you have a black dog? Teddy has some black on him. Do you have a top price where ethics and morality are no longer an issue? No. Well, I guess it depends. What is the greatest physical challenge that you have accomplished? Losing ~60 lbs. Have you ever played naked Twister? No. If tattoos didn't hurt and you could get anything, what would it be? The #1 tat I want is dA's NukeRooster's painting "Denialism" (I got her permission), but I'm going to have to go to an extreme professional, and it's gonna be priiiiiiiceeeeeeey. Have you ever been ghosted before? No. Did you ever get caught watching porn? No, because I've never watched it. Were you ever the bully? No. What's the worst prank someone has ever done to you? Idk.

[libraryofwar]

THE UNTOLD TRUE STORY OF MAD DOG SHRIVER: 

Mad Dog led dozens of covert missions into Laos & Cambodia until his luck ran out. By Maj. John L. Plaster, USAR (Ret.) 

There undoubtedly was not a single recon man in SOG more accomplished or renowned than Mad Dog Shriver. Mad Dog! In the late 1960s, no Special Forces trooper at Ft. Bragg even breathed those top-secret letters, "S-O-G," but everyone had heard of the legendary Studies and Observations Group Green Beret recon team leader, Sergeant First Class Jerry Shriver, dubbed a "mad dog" by Radio Hanoi.

It was Jerry Shriver who'd spoken the most famous rejoinder in SOG history, radioing his superiors not to worry that NVA forces had encircled his tiny team. "No, no," he explained, "I've got 'em right where I want 'em — surrounded from the inside." Fully decked out, Mad Dog was a walking arsenal with an imposing array of a sawed-off shotgun or suppressed submachine gun, pistols, knives, and grenades. 

"He looked like Rambo," First Sergeant Billy Greenwood thought. Blond, tall and thin, Shriver’s face bore chiseled features around piercing blue eyes. "There was no soul in the eyes, no emotion," thought SOG Captain Bill O’Rourke. "They were just eyes." By early 1969, Shriver was well into his third continuous year in SOG, leading top secret intelligence gathering teams deep into the enemy’s clandestine Cambodian sanctuaries where he’d teased death scores of times. 

Unknown to him, however, forces beyond his control at the highest levels of government in Hanoi and Washington were steering his fate. The Strategic Picture Every few weeks of early 1969, the docks at Cambodia's seaport of Sihanoukville bustled with East European ships offloading to long lines of Hak Ly Trucking Company lorries. Though ostensibly owned by a Chinese businessman, the Hak Ly Company's true operator was North Vietnam's Trinh Sat intelligence service. 

The trucks’ clandestine cargo of rockets, small-arms ammunition and mortar rounds rolled overnight to the heavily jungled frontier of Kampong Cham Province just three miles from the border with South Vietnam, a place the Americans had nicknamed the Fishhook, where vast stockpiles sustained three full enemy divisions, plus communist units across the border inside South Vietnam — some 200,000 foes. 

Cambodian Prince Sihanouk was well aware of these neutrality violations; indeed, his fifth wife, Monique, her mother and half-brother were secretly peddling land rights and political protection to the NVA; other middlemen were selling rice to the NVA by the thousands of tons. Hoping to woo Sihanouk away from the communists, the Johnson Administration had watched passively while thousands of GIs were killed by communist forces operating from Cambodia, and not only did nothing about it, but said nothing, even denied it was happening. And now, each week of February and March 1969, more Americans were dying than lost in the Persian Gulf War, killed by NVA forces that struck quickly then fled back to "neutral” Cambodia. 

Combined with other data, SOG's Cambodian intelligence appeared on a top-secret map which National Security Adviser Henry Kissinger studied aboard Air Force One at Brussels airport the morning of 24 February 1969. Sitting with Kissinger was Colonel Alexander Haig, his military assistant, while representing the president was White House Chief of Staff H.R. "Bob" Haldeman. During the new administration's transition, President Nixon had asked Kissinger to determine how to deal with the Cambodian buildup and counter Hanoi's "fight and talk" strategy. 

While President Nixon addressed NATO's North Atlantic Council, those aboard Air Force One worked out details for a clandestine U.S. response: The secret bombing of Cambodia's most remote sanctuaries, which would go unacknowledged unless Prince Sihanouk protested. When Air Force One departed Brussels, Kissinger briefed President Nixon, who approved the plan but postponed implementing it. Over the coming three weeks, Nixon twice warned Hanoi, "we will not tolerate attacks which result in heavier casualties to our men at a time that we are honestly trying to seek peace at the conference table in Paris." The day after Nixon's second warning, the NVA bombarded Saigon with 122mm rockets obviously smuggled through Cambodia. 

Three days later, Nixon turned loose the B-52s on the Fishhook, the first secret Cambodian raid, which set off 73 secondary explosions. A Special SOG Mission Not one peep emanated from Phnom Penh or Hanoi and there was a fitting irony: For four years the North Vietnamese had denied their presence in Cambodia, and now, with U.S. bombs falling upon them, they could say nothing. 

Nixon suspended further B-52 strikes in hopes Hanoi's negotiators might begin productive discussions in Paris, but the talks droned on pointlessly. To demonstrate that America, too, could "talk and fight," President Nixon approved a second secret B-52 strike, this time against a target proposed by General Creighton Abrams with Ambassador Bunker's endorsement: COSVN, the Central Office for South Vietnam, the almost mythical Viet Cong headquarters which claimed to run the whole war. 

An NVA deserter had pinpointed the COSVN complex 14 miles southeast of Memot, Cambodia, in the Fishhook, just a mile beyond the South Vietnamese border. The COSVN raid was laid on for 24 April. Apprised of the upcoming B-52 strike, Brigadier General Philip Davidson, the MACV J2, thought that instead of just bombing COSVN, a top-secret SOG raiding force should hit the enemy headquarters as soon as the bombs stopped falling. 

He phoned Colonel Steve Cavanaugh, Chief SOG, who agreed and ordered the Ban Me Thuot-based Command and Control South, CCS, to prepare a Green Beret-led company of Montagnard mercenaries for the special mission. At CCS, the historic COSVN raid fell upon its most accomplished man, that living recon legend, Mad Dog Shriver, and Captain Bill O'Rourke. 

Though O'Rourke would command the company-size raiding force, Shriver equally would influence the operation, continuing an eight-month collaboration they’d begun when they ran recon together. Mad Dog — the Man and the Myth 

There was no one at CCS quite like Mad Dog Shriver. Medal of Honor recipient Jim Fleming, who flew USAF Hueys for SOG, found Shriver, "the quintessential warrior-loner, anti-social, possessed by what he was doing, the best team, always training, constantly training." Shriver rarely spoke and walked around camp for days wearing the same clothes. In his sleep he cradled a loaded rifle, and in the club he'd buy a case of beer, open every can, then go alone to a corner and drink them all. Though he'd been awarded a Silver Star, five Bronze Stars, and the Soldiers Medal, the 28-year-old Green Beret didn’t care about decorations. 

But he did care about the Montagnard hill tribesmen, and spent all his money on them, even collected food, clothes, whatever people would give, to distribute in Yard villages. He was the only American at CCS who lived in the Montagnard barracks. "He was almost revered by the Montagnards," O'Rourke says. 

Shriver's closest companion was a German shepherd he'd brought back from Taiwan which he named Klaus. One night Klaus got sick on beer some recon men fed him and crapped on the NCO club floor; they rubbed his nose in it and threw him out. 

Shriver arrived, drank a beer, removed his blue velvet smoking jacket and derby hat, put a .38 revolver on a table, then dropped his pants and defecated on the floor. "If you want to rub my nose in this," he dared, "come on over." Everyone pretended not to hear him; one man who'd fed Klaus beer urged the Recon Company commander to intervene. The captain laughed in his face. "He had this way of looking at you with his eyes half-open," recon man Frank Burkhart remembers. "If he looked at me like that, I'd just about freeze." 

Shriver always had been different. In the early 1960s, when Rich Ryan served with him in the 7th Army's Long Range Patrol Company in Germany, Shriver’s buddies called him "Digger" since they thought he looked like an undertaker. As a joke, his LRRP comrades concocted their own religion, "The Mahoganies," which worshipped a mahogany statue. "So we would carry Shriver around on an empty bunk with a sheet over him and candles on the corners," recalled Ryan, "and chant, 'Maaa-haa-ga-ney, Maaa-haa-ga-ney.' Scared the hell out of new guys." Fleming says Shriver "convinced me that for the rest of my life I would not go into a bar and cross someone I didn't know." But no recon man was better in the woods. "He was like having a dog you could talk to," O'Rourke explained. "He could hear and sense things; he was more alive in the woods than any other human being I've ever met." 

During a company operation on the Cambodian border Shriver and an old Yard compatriot were sitting against a tree, O'Rourke recalled. "Suddenly he sat bolt upright, they looked at each other, shook their heads and leaned back against the tree. I'm watching this and wondering, what the hell's going on? And all of a sudden these birds flew by, then a nano-second later, way off in the distance, 'Boom-boom!' -- shotguns. They'd heard that, ascertained what it was and relaxed before I even knew the birds were flying." Shriver once went up to SOG’s Command and Control North for a mission into the DMZ where Captain Jim Storter encountered him just before insert. "He had pistols stuck everywhere on him, I mean, he had five or six .38 caliber revolvers." Storter asked him, "Sergeant Shriver, would you like a CAR-15 or M-16 or something? 

You know the DMZ is not a real mellow area to go into." But Mad Dog replied, "No, them long guns'll get you in trouble and besides, if I need more than these I got troubles anyhow." Rather than stand down after an operation, Shriver would go out with another team. "He lived for the game; that's all he lived for," Dale Libby, a fellow CCS man said. 

Shriver once promised everyone he was going on R&R but instead sneaked up to Plei Djerang Special Forces camp to go to the field with Rich Ryan's A-Team. During a short leave stateside in 1968, fellow Green Beret Larry White hung out with Shriver, whose only real interest was finding a lever action .444 Marlin rifle. 

Purchasing one of the powerful Marlins, Shriver shipped it back to SOG so he could carry it into Cambodia, "to bust bunkers," probably the only lever gun used in the war. And the Real Jerry Shriver Unless you were one of Mad Dog's close friends, the image was perfect prowess -- but the truth was, Shriver confided to fellow SOG Green Beret Sammy Hernadez, he feared death and didn't think he'd live much longer. 

He'd beat bad odds too many times, and could feel a terrible payback looming. "He wanted to quit," Medal of Honor winner Fred Zabitosky could see. "He really wanted to quit, Jerry did. I said, 'Why don't you just tell them I want off, I don't want to run any more?' He said he would but he never did; just kept running." The 5th Special Forces Group executive officer, Lieutenant Colonel Charlie Norton, had been watching SOG recon casualties skyrocket and grew concerned about men like Mad Dog whose lives had become a continuous flirtation with death. Norton went to the 5th Group commander and urged, "Don't approve the goddamn extensions these guys are asking for. You approve it again, your chances of killing that guy are very, very good." But the group commander explained SOG needed experienced men for its high priority missions. "Bullshit," Norton snapped, "you're signing that guy's death warrant." 

Eventually 5th Group turned down a few extensions but only a very few; the most experienced recon men never had extensions denied. Never. "Mad Dog was wanting to get out of recon and didn't know how," said recon team leader Sonny Franks, though the half-measure came when Shriver left recon to join his teammate O’Rourke’s raider company. And now the COSVN raid would make a fitting final operation; Shriver could face his fear head-on, charge right into COSVN’s mysterious mouth and afterward at last call it quits. Into COSVN’s Mouth The morning of 24 April 1969, while high-flying B-52s winged their way from distant Guam, the SOG raider company lined up beside the airfield at Quan Loi, South Vietnam, only 20 miles southeast of COSVN's secret lair. 

But just five Hueys were flyable that morning, enough to lift only two platoons; the big bombers could not be delayed, which meant Lieutenant Bob Killebrew's 3rd Platoon would have to stand by at Quan Loi while the 1st Platoon under First Lieutenant Walter Marcantel, and 2nd Platoon under First Lieutenant Greg Harrigan, raided COSVN. Capt. O'Rourke and Mad Dog didn't like it, but they could do nothing.* Nor could they do anything about their minimal fire support. 

Although whole waves of B52s were about to dump thousands of bombs into COSVN, the highly classified Cambodian Rules of Engagement forbad tactical air strikes; it was better to lose an American-led SOG team, the State Department rules suggested, then leave documentable evidence that U.S. F4 Phantoms had bombed this "neutral" territory. It was a curious logic so concerned about telltale napalm streaks or cluster bomb fins, but unconcerned about B-52 bomb craters from horizon to horizon. Chief SOG Cavanaugh found the contradiction "ridiculous," but he could not change the rules. 

The B-52 contrails were not yet visible when the raiding force Hueys began cranking and the raiders boarded; Capt. O'Rourke would be aboard the first bird and Shriver on the last so they'd be at each end of the landing Hueys. As they lifted off for the ten-minute flight, the B-52s were making final alignments for the run-in. Minutes later the lead chopper had to turn back because of mechanical problems; O'Rourke could only wish the others Godspeed. 

Command passed to an operations officer in the second bird who'd come along for the raid, Captain Paul Cahill. Momentarily the raiders could see dirt geysers bounding skyward amid collapsing trees. Then as the dust settled a violin-shaped clearing took form and the Hueys descended in-trail, hovered for men to leap off, then climbed away. Then fire exploded from all directions, horrible fire that skimmed the ground and mowed down anyone who didn’t dive into a bomb crater or roll behind a fallen tree trunk. 

From the back of the LZ, Mad Dog radioed that a machinegun bunker to his left-front had his *(Greg Harrigan and I had been boyhood friends in northeast Minneapolis.) men pinned and asked if anyone could fire at it to relieve the pressure. Holed up in a bomb crater beneath murderous fire, Capt. Cahill, 1st Lt. Marcantel and a medic, Sergeant Ernest Jamison, radioed that they were pinned, too. Then Jamison dashed out to retrieve a wounded man; heavy fire cut him down, killing him on the spot. No one else could engage the machinegun that trapped Shriver's men -- it was up to Mad Dog. Skittish Yards looked to Shriver and his half-grin restored a sense of confidence. Then they were on their feet, charging -- Shriver was his old self, running to the sound of guns, a True Believer Yard on either side, all of them dashing through the flying bullets, into the treeline, into the very guts of Mad Dog's great nemesis, COSVN. And Mad Dog Shriver was never seen again. 

The Fight Continues At the other end of the LZ, Jamison's body lay just a few yards from the crater where Capt. Cahill heard bullets cracking and RPGs rocking the ground. When Cahill lifted his head, an AK round hit him in the mouth, deflected up and destroyed an eye. Badly wounded, he collapsed. In a nearby crater, young Lt. Greg Harrigan directed helicopter gunships whose rockets and mini-guns were the only thing holding off the aggressive NVA. 

Already, Harrigan reported, more than half his platoon were killed or wounded. For 45 minutes the Green Beret lieutenant kept the enemy at bay, then Harrigan, too, was hit. He died minutes later. Bill O'Rourke tried to land on another helicopter but his bird couldn't penetrate the NVA veil of lead. Lieutenant Colonel Earl Trabue, their CCS Commander, arrived and flew overhead with O’Rourke but they could do little. Hours dragged by. Wounded men laid untreated, exposed in the sun. 

Several times the Hueys attempted to retrieve them and each time heavy fire drove them off. One door gunner was badly wounded. Finally a passing Australian twin-jet Canberra bomber from No. 2 Squadron at Phan Rang heard their predicament on the emergency radio frequency, ignored the fact it was Cambodia, and dropped a bombload which, O’Rourke reports, "broke the stranglehold those guys were in, and it allowed us to go in." Only 1st Lt. Marcantel was still directing air, and finally he had to bring ordnance so close it wounded himself and his surviving nine Montagnards. 

One medic ran to Harrigan's hole and attempted to lift his body out but couldn't. "They were pretty well drained physically and emotionally," O'Rourke said. Finally, three Hueys raced in and picked up 15 wounded men. Lieutenant Dan Hall carried out a radio operator, then managed to drag Lt. Harrigan's body to an aircraft. Thus ended the COSVN raid. A Time for Reflection Afterward Chief SOG Cavanaugh talked to survivors and learned, "The fire was so heavy and so intense that even the guys trying to [evade] and move out of the area were being cut down." It seemed almost an ambush. "That really shook them up at MACV, to realize anybody survived that [B-52] strike," Col. Cavanaugh said. 

The heavy losses especially affected Brig. Gen. Davidson, the MACV J-2, who blamed himself for the catastrophe. "General," Chief SOG Cavanaugh assured him, "if I'd have felt we were going to lose people like that, I wouldn't have put them in there." It’s that ambush-like reception despite a B-52 strike that opens the disturbing possibility of treachery and, it turns out, it was more than a mere possibility. 

One year after the COSVN raid, the NSA twice intercepted enemy messages warning of imminent SOG operations which could only have come from a mole or moles in SOG headquarters. It would only be long after the war that it became clear Hanoi’s Trinh Sat had penetrated SOG, inserting at least one high ranking South Vietnamese officer in SOG whose treachery killed untold Americans, including, most likely, the COSVN raiders. Of those raiders, Lt. Walter Marcantel survived his wounds only to die six months later in a parachuting accident at Ft. Devens, Mass., while Capt. Paul Cahill was medically retired. 

Eventually, Green Beret medic Ernest Jamison's body was recovered. But those lost in the COSVN raid have not been forgotten. Under a beautiful spring sky on Memorial Day, 1993, with American flags waving and an Army Reserve Huey strewing flower petals as it passed low-level, members of Special Forces Association Chapter XX assembled at Lt. Greg Harrigan’s grave in Minneapolis, Minn. 

Before the young lieutenant’s family, a Special Forces honor guard placed a green beret at his grave, at last conferring some recognition to the fallen SOG man, a gesture the COSVN raid’s high classification had made impossible a quarter-century earlier. 

Until now, neither Harrigan’s family nor the families of the other lost men knew the full story of the top secret COSVN raid. But the story remains incomplete. As in the case of SOG’s other MIAs, Hanoi continues to deny any knowledge of Jerry Shriver. Capt. O'Rourke concluded Mad Dog died that day. "I felt very privileged to have been his friend," O’Rourke says, "and when he died I grieved as much as for my younger brother when he was killed. Twenty-some-odd years later, it still sticks in my craw that I wasn't there. I wish I had been there." 

There remains a popular myth among SOG veterans, that any day now Mad Dog Shriver will emerge from the Cambodian jungle as if only ten minutes have gone by, look right and left and holler, "Hey! Where’d everybody go?" Indeed, to those who knew him and fought beside him, Mad Dog will live forever. (This article is derived from Maj. Plaster’s book, SOG: The Secret Wars of America’s Commandos in Vietnam, published by Simon & Schuster.)

[medusaivatco]

BASICS

Full name: Octavia “Medusa” Henry Any nicknames?: ‘O’ [bitch] Age: 29 Birthday/Zodiac sign: Gemini   Height: 5′8 Any tattoos, piercings?: A large Kingsnake tattoo up her left leg [image can be found in her moodboard]. She chose the Kingsnake because they are known for preying on and eating other snakes and being immune to pit viper venom. Octavia has a an industrial piercing in her right ear in which she usually wears this, and in both ears has the standard, forward helix, orbital, death, and upper lobe pierced. Left eyebrow is pierced.

FAVORITES

Sound: A car engine. With home after home being lost to her past as little more than a memory, including the home she'd once had in the original Olympus, Octavia has found a constant in the coming to life of an engine and it can both invigorate her flames and settle her when her ends get too fried. Color: Octavia doesn’t have a specific favorite color because, to her, any color on its own has limited meaning, but does like the scheme of red, grey, copper, black and white. Person: There was a time she would’ve said her mother, before she died, and a time she would’ve said Giana, before she abandon her, and countless other people she would’ve said had they not passed, wronged her, or been wronged by her. Now she knows better than to lock her sites on someone and declare them important to her, because it seems that everyone her gaze fixates on, even for just a moment, is burned up or cased in stone. Memory: One of her mother. One that’s fleeting. One that reminds her to be soft, to settle her flames and crack out of the stone. One of willow budded fingertips and a voice. Is it her mother’s or a manifestation of what she wants to say to herself now? “It takes more strength to be gentle than it does to be violent.” Her father proving that right, proving that lack of self-control takes no strength, takes no power. Her mother proving that right, proving that laying a man that strikes you back into bed takes all the strength, takes all the power, that you have. Place: There’s no one specific location that is Octavia’s favorite, instead the entirety of New York is what Medusa would call her ‘favorite’. Vice: If we were to discuss Octavia’s favorite vice, it would by a long shot be her alcoholism because as destructive as it is and isolating as she uses it to be, in the moment it’s generally fun for her. My favorite vice of Octavia’s, however, is her self-pity. I’m not here to say that all of Octavia’s misfortunes aren’t that, unfortunate, but she has such an ability to hold onto anything that is wrong and milk it. That started because, when she was younger, the bulk of truly bad things happened to her on very drastic levels, and now she just expects that whenever something remotely bad happens, its the total end of the world and she just throws in the towel and turns to a bottle. She is so quick to give up on herself and just hiss and spit anyone that tries to help until there isn’t anyone who gives a damn enough to try to anymore because she LOVES being the victim and LOVES wallowing in self-pity.

HAVE THEY EVER…

Been in love?: Too many times to count. It honestly seems like Octavia can’t stop falling in love?? Like first it was Giana, and as fleeting as that seemed it was really a big affair because it was her first love, her first kiss, her first time, and as much as it was all at once, it was also spread over numerous years with the time they floated in and out of each others lives during their childhood. It was for both of those reasons, it being so fast and so much, and so slow and feathery, that the abandonment hurt so bad. And then of course, there was Zeus. At this point in her life, Octavia was already starting to get really crusty, in the stone way I mean, like genuinely starting to harden, and she just melted for them. Love has this way of totally breaking Octavia done, and not in a bad way, and making her putty, and not in necessarily a good way. Love makes her so naïve, and so young? Like she has never been in love with someone in a mature way, where it was civil and domestic, because she just falls in love so hard that its all consuming. With Zeus, they became her whole everything. Originally, she was in the gang for Cronus, for a family, just generally for the gang, and then when she fell in love with Zeus she became this fucked up puppy dog, because that's how she thought love was supposed to be. It didn’t matter that Hera was her best friend and that she loved her too, because she was IN love with Zeus and that mattered more, even when sometimes Octavia realized that it didn’t. The love was sweet, and genuine, but still it was toxic, both because of just Zeus, but mainly because Octavia can’t seem to find a way to make love not toxic for herself??

If we wanted to get extra, I could talk about how her true love is the gang, because her true love is a desire for family and gag but I already understand that about her and I’m y’all do too. Done drugs?: I’m not gonna say Octavia’s a heavy drug user, as she is much more inclined to drink than to do drugs, but I’m sure she has done drugs at some point. Killed someone?: Yes, at the moment I only have it noted that she killed Cerberus’s ex-boyfriend, but I have it headcanoned that Octavia is really loose about killing people that she has no connection to. Like it’s easier for her to kill people she doesn’t know than people she hates. So, there might be other people she’s killed, and other people she will kill, but at this point in time the only booked one is the boyfriend. Betrayed someone’s trust?: HA. She had a long-term, intimate relationship with her best friend’s fiancé so yes, she most definitely has. Had their heart broken?: I think Octavia’s biggest heart break was watching the person she was devoted to (even if they weren’t devoted to her) and loved split apart her family. Octavia’s whole life has been about herself inadvertently destroying her homes, and her families and she definitely is a breaker of her own heart, but the difference was she never trusted herself not to do those things?? She never loved herself the way she was in love with Zeus, never put her faith in herself the way she did in them and so it hurt that much more when he ruined the only thing she loved more than them. Having to lose both Zeus, Hera and the gang all at once has been Octavia’s biggest heart break. Lost someone?: Lost someone is a vague term, as I’m sure it was meant to be, so the list of people Octavia has ‘lost’ is extensive. Her father, Giana, Zeus, Hera, the gentle and willow budded image she had of herself becoming as a child. People who have died, however, include only her mother and Cronus.

DO THEY…

Have any pets?: Octavia keeps mice. It’s kind of a fucked up power trip deal, but she has a trio named Linus, Leo, and Lacey. Have a family they still talk to?: HA. No. Sometimes she wishes that Giana would some how find her way back into Octavia’s life, even though they were never actually family, but other than a wish, there is no connection to anyone in her life from before. Have a best friend?: There’s a time when the answer would have been Hera, and not knowing about what Hera did, there are times when Octavia wishes that was still the answer. At this time, Hades is probably Medusa’s closest friend, even if it is majority business, but Octavia has an interest in getting closer to Cerberus because she sees in them her reflection every once in a while. Want to get married and/or have kids?: Marriage and children are so domestic, and as wild of a person as Octavia seems, there’s little she craves more than domestic life. It’s a secret, sometimes one she even keeps from herself, and as much as she knows that life evades her, isn’t built for her, is a danger to her, she wants that sense of secure family that marriage and children offer because she’s never had it. Nothing about this gang is secure. Want to leave?: Never. New York is everything to Octavia and not only could she imagine life outside of it, but she is scared of it. Everything she’s ever had has been loved and lost here, and maybe that's why she should leave it, but Octavia could never bring herself to tantalize the thought that maybe this city is the root of all her problems, all her heart break, and that if things don’t get better, she should abandon ship.

THIS OR THAT?

Phone call or text?: Text. As decisive and convincing as Octavia can seem spur of the moment, she often finds her voice faltering when she’s not able to look someone dead in the eye. There’s no confidence in who she is without eye contact, which is why hers always seems so striking, and which is why she prefers texting. Wealth or loyalty?: Loyalty. Octavia’s never had wealth, and to be fair she’s never had loyalty either, but what she finds herself drinking herself into a stupor over is not the fact that she doesn't have a diamond in her eyebrow piercing but that she ended up drinking alone. Again. Love or lust?: Love. Octavia has wild and free sex whenever she wants, it’s not difficult for her, she never regrets it, and it’s even relaxing for her, habitual. But, it’s never really satisfying. Love is a hot commodity, and sex, for her, isn’t. Always want what you can’t have. 5 Friends or 100 Acquaintances?: 100 acquaintances. Arms length, usable, resources. Medusa dawns thousands of serpents on her head, Octavia possesses a hundred connections throughout the city. It’s safer that way, for everyone involved. The snakes on her head don’t ever get caught in her gaze. Summer or winter?: Winter. Octavia’s a fire. Always fluctuating between lightning strikes and raging flames, and smoldering stone, welding together as it burns out. Winter brings a calm to Octavia while summer only seems to ignite her temper, make her irritable and reckless and as much as Octavia loves the power her wild and licking flames give her, she’s sick of burning herself up.

OTHERS: Wanted plots/connections: COMING SOON.

[samanthasroberts]

7 Dumb Back To The Future Products You Won’t Believe Existed

A good 80 percent of Cracked’s content is devoted to peeling back the kaleidoscopic layers of WTF-ness contained within Back To The Future, but this article isn’t about that. Nope, this is about an even more ridiculous topic: the many confounding ways people tried to squeeze big bucks out of the Back To The Future flicks.

This ordinary tale of a time-travelling eccentric and his pet teenager has spawned such baffling shit as …

#7. The Back To The Future Cartoon Was A Fucking Crazy Parade

As we’ve mentioned before on the site, Doc Brown’s character-concluding decision to father children with a historically dead woman and blast through time in a screeching lightning train was reckless at best. And so it’s only natural that the 1991 Back To The Future TV show would follow the horrific mishaps of this family, sandwiched with live-action science demonstrations by Christopher Lloyd and an oddly mute Bill Nye.

They’re like the Penn and Teller of mad science.

But despite its audience of the young and curious, an average episode of Back To The Future: The Animated Series played out like Rick And Morty episodes Adult Swim rejected for being too bleak. Don’t believe us? The pilot for the series starts with Doc’s younger son Verne stealing the time machine and traveling to the Civil War … followed by Doc finding a photo revealing that little Verne died for the Confederate Army.

“But hey, it says here that the Alabama chapter of the KKK is named in his honor.”

Doc eventually prevents this by creating a truce between Verne’s Confederate pals and the Union, and the gang happily flies home like they didn’t just irrevocably alter the outcome of a Civil War battle. That’s basically the story of the series, as Doc, Marty, and Doc’s kids manhandle historical moments while Doc’s wife Clara waits back home with sandwiches.

In the third goddamn episode, Doc brings his kids to the very moment the dinosaurs are wiped out by a meteor, saving the group by hastily stopping the comet and changing the future into a lizard-ruled wasteland. (One of said lizards looks like Biff, implying that a Tannen once fucked a dinosaur.)

This means that Doc is forced to go back and kill the dinosaurs himself, re-altering his actions so that the meteor gets back on a collision course with Earth … but not before one of his kids befriends a scared pterodactyl. So how does Doc handle this unfortunate attachment? Obviously, the rest of the series would involve the group goofing around with their adopted dino friend. I mean, otherwise, he’d have to …

… tear his son from the sobbing grasp of a doomed animal …

… stuff him into the time machine and fly away …

This also serves as the official series finale for The Flintstones.

… and watch as the comet tears through the atmosphere and vaporizes the boy’s dinosaur pal. That’s seriously what happens in the special “watch all the dinosaurs die” episode of this nightmare series. Happy Saturday morning, assholes!

#6. A Japanese Video Game Made BTTF 2 Into Crazy-Ass Anime

Anyone who played the early Back To The Future Nintendo games knows that whoever made them clearly didn’t bother to see the movies. Either that, or Back To The Future Part III cut a scene in which Marty ingests a crazy amount of peyote and starts seeing mutant cow men everywhere.

Presumably named “Beef Tannen.”

The Japan-only Back To The Future Part II Super Famicom game, on the other hand, tried to follow the plot of movie … and somehow ended up being even weirder. You control Marty, who spends the entire time on his hoverboard — because, realistically speaking, if you owned a hoverboard, why the fuck would you ever not be flying around on it?

The game starts on a grimly prescient note, with trigger-happy 2015 cops shooting at Marty for no apparent reason.

When we reach the alternate 1985, Marty goes around fighting disoriented crackheads, mistaking their agonized gasps for taunting chicken noises. Marty then discovers his murdered father’s tombstone, and he … seems pretty copacetic with this development, all things considered.

Doc, on the other hand, turns into an angry pink Gollum.

If you’ve ever wanted to see these iconic moments reimagined as demented Sailor Moon episodes, you’re in luck. When Marty discovers the 1950s girlie mag instead of the sports almanac, the mere sight of boobs gives him a stroke.

Which is weird, because this is after meeting his mother’s gargantuan dystopian breasts. Marty’s perma-smirk in that scene is somehow even creepier than when he was standing at his dead dad’s grave.

Also, why are they in the Technodrome?

By the time Biff seemingly vampire-bites the almanac away from Marty and gets covered in a sea of 16-bit horseshit, you’ll probably never see Back To The Future the same way ever again.

“I won’t close my mouth. I deserve this.”

And speaking of which …

#5. A Hot Wheels Biff Car … Complete With Manure

There aren’t a ton of Back To The Future toys, but the ones that do exist are mostly DeLorean-based. There’s a DeLorean Lego set, a remote-control DeLorean, and even a Power-Wheels-esque DeLorean for ’80s kids whose parents wanted them to explore their confused Oedipal feelings outside the house.

Sadly, this kid was easily taken out by Libyan terrorists.

So it’s only natural that the DeLorean be adopted by stalwart toy car company Hot Wheels. Recently, the company decided to expand their Back To The Future line to include not only Doc’s DeLorean …

Oh, sorry. Doc’s “Time Machine of Indeterminate Brand.”

And Marty’s sweet 4×4 …

“Complete with two coats of wax and Fat Biff’s tears!”

And even Biff Tannen’s Ford Super Deluxe Converti– oh, shit.

You can get a non-poopy version for an extra $300.

Yes, they produced a beautiful classic automobile overflowing with rancid manure, as seen in that scene and that other scene and that variation of the scene. It looks like an amusing Internet Photoshop job, but it’s a real toy which you could go buy right now … or, you know, make at home yourself with a toy car and some laxatives.

Couldn’t Hot Wheels have mass-produced Doc’s hover-train? Or one of those kickass police cars from 2015? Nope. Instead, we get the shit-encrusted rapemobile. Think of all the ways kids could play with this. “Oh no, Biff’s car got covered in manure … again …” Assuming your kid even knows what Back To The Future is, how are they supposed to integrate Biff’s car with their other Hot Wheels products?

“Yes! The race is delayed due to track turds!”

#4. ZZ Top Turns All The Characters Into Ogling Creeps

Along with “The Power of Love,” Huey Lewis and the News wrote “Back In Time,” the surprisingly engaged recounting of the events of Back To The Future from Marty’s perspective. Sadly, we were less lucky with ZZ Top’s “Doubleback,” a jabbering spray of temporally-themed rhymes in no way related to the third film.

The one band you’d think you could trust to hitch their beer-drinking, hell-raising wagon to Wake-Up Juice, but noooooo.

Now, “Doubleback” is a fucking abomination, an artistic charley horse clearly farted out 12 minutes from the studio call time. But then there’s the music video, which superimposes the band into random clips from the movie in such a disjointed, cookie cutter way that it comes alive like a serial killer’s scrapbook.

GOOF: ZZ Top were only teenagers in 1885, so they shouldn’t have beards yet.

It’s everyone’s third-favorite time travel movie, perpetually interrupted with the looming presence of three guys who look like the personification of bathroom assault. By the end, they’re literally sticking their faces over the action so that we don’t forget to be bummed out by their existence.

We’re all for them supplanting Marty’s mom in this scene to make it less creepy, though.

But the weird stuff begins when this monochromatic onslaught changes the movie’s finale to include a pimped-out ride randomly rolling into Marty’s standoff with Mad Dog Tannen …

… and releasing three jean-short bombshells of various ’90s fabric patterns and foxy accessories, to which the movie’s characters react with stock disbelief appropriated from the original scene.

OK, we have to admit that these guys clean up nicely when they shave.

That’s right — Doc reacting to Marty’s fakeout death is the same expression as his boner face. Or maybe he’s wondering how a Cadillac Sedanette went back in time without a bunch of nonsense sticking out of its hood. Either way: boner.

#3. Pizza Hut’s Back To The Future Ads Are Rather Sad In Retrospect

Having the ability to engorge on a puck of meat and cheese has been every child’s dream since Marty’s mom hydrated a Pizza Hut pizza in Back To The Future II.

The most fantastic concept here is a 2015 pizza without a gimmicky crust.

So delicious. At least, if you ignore the fact that eating a waterlogged dough slice sounds like a fucking nightmare, and that the Pizza Hut of this future solely makes the equivalent of microwave meals. In fairness, the brand’s own advertising campaign had a slightly different take on their role in the future:

Their kinder, gentler take on Robocop was probably their lamest (and most inaccurate) prediction of all.

According to one 1989 commercial, the Pizza Huts of 2015 are built like techno mosques. It makes sense in the context of the ad, which begins with two unknown ruffians taking the DeLorean out for a spin, presumably after swiping the keys from Doc Brown’s ransacked corpse.

To save you 15 minutes on IMDb: It’s Mikey from Parker Lewis Can’t Lose.

The ne’er-do-wells zoom to 2015, where, to the sad grumbles of their stomachs, they find the streets barren of any pizza eateries, as Domino’s has long been converted into a hardware chain. Luckily, there’s still one place in business, and it’s the all-hail Pizza Hut temple.

The Noid was executed after a show trial in ’94.

It’s unclear why a restaurant that makes cookie-sized products needs multiple neon spires, but it probably has to do with the announcer’s assertion that, even in the future, Pizza Hut is the “only one place to get a great pizza.” The fact that Pizza Hut was envisioning an all-exclusive Demolition Man scenario with their brand is made that much more heartbreaking by the company’s actual 2015 situation:

Also depressing: the current state of journalism, since no one realized this graphic should be a pie chart.

Turns out that all the movie projector pizza boxes and eye-tracking tablet menus in the world can’t get us to that Utopian Italian palace where dressing like it’s the ’80s is still hip and (according to another tie-in ad) absolutely everyone wears futuristic solar shades.

The nuclear fallout has melted all of our eyes by now.

#2. Doc Brown Teamed Up With Doogie Howser For Earth Day

Back in 1990, people were really committed to saving the environment … as long as the extent of that commitment was appearing in some kind of extravagant TV special instead of cutting back on fossil fuels. Regardless, this newly-discovered sense of eco-awareness led to one of the craziest moments in pop culture: The Earth Day Special.

The special starred a slew of wacky creatures, like the Muppets and Danny DeVito and E.T., who looks to have been living in a filthy alley since the events of his film.

He’ll touch you with his “magic finger” for $5 and some Reese’s Pieces.

Since this was the year that Back To The Future Part III came out, Doc Brown naturally joined the cross-promotional fray. Who better to promote environmental activism than a guy who hoards large quantities of plutonium in a garage in a residential neighborhood?

The loose plot of the special is about the personification of Mother Earth dying. Doc Brown shows up in his DeLorean and offers his assistance to the doctor in charge of healing Mrs. Earth — who, because this was 1990, is Doogie Fucking Howser.

“Not even Edward James Olmos’ mustache could revive her.” “We’re doomed.”

Doc whips out his suitcase TV and shows them footage of how screwed over the Earth is, which is kind of a dick move, considering how she’s right over there. It doesn’t help that the clips are seemingly stock footage pretentiously edited together by first-year film students.

“What are those ladies doing with that cup …?” “Whoops, wrong year.”

As always, Doc ends up finding the solution: science! Not any specific science but, like, the act of reading and shit. Look, it was 6 a.m. and someone wanted to finish that goddamn children’s TV show script already.

#1. The Back To The Future Novelization Gets Dark

Movie novelizations are generally terrible, but the one for Back To The Future takes it to a whole new level. It’s the Back To The Future of bad literary cash-ins.

“What do you mean it’s not about a kid with a camera who farts fireworks?” — the author, probably

The book opens with a vivid description of a dead family getting bent out of shape by the detonation of a nuclear bomb, which turns out to be a scene from a film Marty is watching. This never comes up again in the book — because the author is too busy thinking up even crazier, tangentially BTTF-related shit. For instance, we get a scene featuring the Libyan terrorists casually hanging out in a shitty motel, which answers the question you always had: Yes, one of them is a psychotic former fashion model.

You can only be told to look “sexy like tiger” so many times before something inside snaps.

And she doesn’t mind offing Doc Brown because he … “looks Jewish.”

Doc goes commando in his jumpsuits in this version.

Even when it’s a scene we recognize from the movie, the author’s prose manages to make everything seem a tiny bit seedier:

Not that “Let’s hire your attempted rapist as our live-in manservant” is any less creepy.

The novel also features the most disturbing context for the phrase “giggled naughtily” in all of fiction:

A parent’s naughty giggling is typically reason #1 Protective Services gives when taking away their child.

The whole book is so bizarre and creepy that it wouldn’t be surprising to learn that it was imported from the shitty alternate 1985. And we’re only scratching the surface here. A whole other book could be written just pointing out all the fucked up moments, page by page. Did we say “could”? We meant “someone on the Internet did exactly that.”

Source: http://allofbeer.com/7-dumb-back-to-the-future-products-you-wont-believe-existed/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2019/01/11/7-dumb-back-to-the-future-products-you-wont-believe-existed/

[glapplebloom]

Well, I wasn’t reviewing anything this week so...

Story Time! As you probably can guess, I am a wrestling fan. I’m also a cartoon fan with Scooby being a childhood favorite of time. But like others, I question the two teaming up. Saw “Scooby Doo! Wrestlemania Mystery” and I did fell in love with the concept. Didn’t see the Flintstones or the Jetsons. And most likely won’t be seeing the Surfs Up 2.

But for a while, I never seen the sequel: “Scooby Doo! Curse of the Speed Demon”. But a random gift got me a 2 Pack of both movies. Still enjoyed the first one (favorite part is Kane Vs the Demon Bear, it was everything I hoped it would be), so I had good hopes of enjoying the second one.

The movie begins with an music video opening, showing you who will be starring in this movie. The Scooby Gang is all here, but for WWE we got The Undertaker, Triple H, Stephanie McMahon, Sheamus, Goldust, Stardust (no longer in WWE), Dusty Rhodes (sadly passed away), The Miz (my favorite of the WWE in the first movie), Paige, El Torito (no longer in WWE), Los Matadores (Currently the Shining Stars), Lana and Rusev, Micheal Cole, Kofi Kingston, and Vince McMahon. The downside with doing stuff with Wrestlers since they can change really quickly. The song is pretty good but I’m a sucker for Generic Rock.

The WWE Superstars are competing in the Muscle Moto X Off Road Challenge. If the XFL was anything like this, it probably would have done a lot better. Shaggy and Scooby are watching the event on TV. But they forget that they’re there live in a Food Truck Vince gave them to work in. There are a lot of stories about Mr. McMahon and this plays on the idea that he treats former wrestlers well.

Vince McMahon said that all of this is his daughter: Stephanie McMahon’s idea. While he thinks she isn’t in the race, she and her husband Triple H (also known as the Authority) proves him wrong and also place 1st in the Qualifiers. Vince is upset and leaves. One thing that sadly makes me worried is that they paired up the Undertaker (his gimmick is death) with Dusty Rhodes (who passed away a year before the video’s release). Hindsight is a cruel mistress.

During their qualifier, a new challenger appears out of nowhere and chases Taker and Dusty. Despite Taker’s best Demolition Derby skills, the Speed Demon takes out their vehicle and also injures Dusty, taking him out of the race. As the Speed Demon escapes, the Undertaker vows to get him back. But now its time to play a game.

Are his eyes closed or rolled backed? YOU DECIDE! That’s the big flaw with Taker in this. He does this roll his eyes back in his head that makes it look freaky, but the style has his eyeballs be colored liked his skin. So you can’t tell when he does his gimmick. Remembering what they did at Wrestlemania, Mr. McMahon hires Mystery Incorporated to solve the Mystery. They found some clues and run into, basically Steve Harvey.

The Goatee is the only thing that separates them. That and one is a TV Host while the other is the Producer of the event who wants to keep the Zombie Demon (his words) on TV to get more ratings. He suggest them to ask the superstars about it. We get a few interactions which I am only going to highlight a few...

Goldust and Stardust meeting Scooby and Shaggy. The scared duo are scared off as the weird duo finds a talking dog bizarre. 

Velma talk with Los Matadores and she theorizes that its someone who needs the prize money. They dismiss themselves because they don’t need it. I can’t help but think, with their current gimmick, is that “we have these time shares that are selling like hotcakes and you could get one for the beautiful land of Puerto Rico”.

And Stephanie bonds with Daphne over being the daughters of rich people. Vince then arrives and tries to get Stephanie out of the race, thinking of having Triple H team up with Scooby and Shaggy. But after finding out the Undertaker has no partner, Stephanie convinces him and especially the Producer to team him up with Scooby and Shaggy.

An interesting trivia, in the first movie, Scooby (Dead Meat) and Shaggy (Skinny Man) had to face Kane to prove their innocence. Kane happens to be the Undertaker’s brother in story (as the two portraying them are not blood related).

Scooby and Shaggy are scared to join but Taker tells them that the only nightmare is him and he’ll take care of the demon. A mechanic who made all the vehicles informs them that they don’t have a ride. But Fred steps up and has an idea that’ll keep them in the race. They customize the Food Truck into a Racing Truck.

Is this the worst thing associated with him? Well, he did lose to the Great Khali. The race begins and it seems to go as smoothly as a Demolition Race can be. Then the Speed Demon arrives and burns down the bridge that they have to cross. Despite that, they all make it across. Including the Food Mobile who was driving when it was collapsing. The Race ends with the Authority in First, Team Taker in Second and Los Matadores in Third. Two more races remain. 

During dinner, it turns out like your typical WWE Thanksgiving. Lana is now teamed up with Paige while the Miz teams up with Rusev and Daphne skips investigation to hang out with Stephanie. Late at night, Scooby and Shaggy sneak out for a snack when they spot the Speed Demon. He was working on the Authority’s car before he spotted them.

The Demon chases the two until the Miz steps in to interfere (he was out jogging like in the first movie). For us Mizfits out there, we see him go toe to toe with the Speed Demon with his theme song playing! The fight alerted everyone else as it eventually escapes the Miz and the others. I love the Miz in both of these movies. He fits so well in this universe.

The Mechanic looked over all the cars and finds none of them were tampered like the Authorities, who had their oil line cut. Everyone thinks Scooby and Shaggy stopped him before he can do the same to the other cars. And in the next race, Stephanie will be driving.

This race is not only a land race, but also a race through a river. While Miz/Rusev are ahead of Lana/Paige, it turns out Lana (who is driving) is allowing Rusev to win. But the Speed Demon arrives and attacks them. Seeing Lana in trouble, Rusev turns his vehicle around to save her. The two are married so that is really touching.

Now its Triple H’s turn to take on the Speed Demon as he jumps off his vehicle to attack the guy. He tried his best but he was eventually kicked off. The Speed Demon eventually got Team Taker off track and next to a waterfall. The Undertaker manages to save Scooby and Shaggy by a lasso with hot dogs.

We have three suspects: The Mechanic, who needed money for his kids. Vince McMahon, who seems to go places that has no camera, and the Authority who always seem to get first place after the Speed Demon attacks. And for those who know wrestling, Daphne sees the real Stephanie (Kayfabe) near the end of the night.

After their second vehicle went waterfall diving, the Mystery Machine becomes the next vehicle. The final race to determine it all, all of Mystery Incorporated is in the car alongside the Undertaker with a plan: try to override the remote control of the Speed Demon. And as the Speed Demon arrives, Fred tries but couldn’t get it to work in time.

While I do gush over the Miz in this, Lana does an excellent job as well. As both her and Rusev, both in different teams at the time, reunite to try to take over the Speed Demon’s vehicle. They were quickly kicked off thanks to its tail. And after a quick text, pretty much everyone except the Authority has decided to team up against the Speed Demon.

After damaging the vehicle, the only cars still in the race are the Authority, the Speed Demon and the Mystery Machine. Scooby and Shaggy drives as the Undertaker decides to finally take on the Speed Demon. The race ends with Scooby and Shaggy in first, The Undertaker (driving the Speed Demon) second and the Authority third. One Undertaker beat down later and we found out who has done it. I won’t spoil it if you want to see it. 

Overall, it was a fun movie if you’re a WWE Fan. If you’re not one, many things may get over your head or you just won’t be interested.

[aslightstep]

19 - Winteriron

I’m not their hero/But that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t brave

This is honestly a little bit away from the prompt.

Song is:

I’m Not Your Hero

“Take a trip with me,” Tony says, collapsing on top of him, grabbing the remote out of his hand before Bucky can stop him and turning off the TV, cutting Megyn Kelly off mid-sentence on another one of the seemingly endless roundtable discussion on the Winter Soldier’s place on the Avengers roster.

At this point Bucky is pretty sure he can do an accurate impression of both sides of the debate. Bucky the Victim vs Bucky the Assassin. Rarely, they get creative and add in the ever popular (and Bucky’s personal favorite) Bucky the poor unstable woobie, those brave Avengers for taking him in, I hear Tony Stark’s dating him, how precious, now lets keep him away from the weapons but no need to lock him up, of course!

(It’s rarely used because its hard to sum the position up in a snazzy caption, you see. Tony calls it the ‘Bucky the Dog’ argument. ‘You’re like a rescue,’ he’d explained. ‘Apparently we need to feed you, house you, but not let you out because you’ve been raised badly and don’t know any better, and might go gnawing off some poor kid’s arm for looking at you the wrong way.’

Tony hated Bucky the Dog.)

“Ignore the crazies,” Tony wheedles. “Pay attention to me.” He makes grabby hands that Bucky grabs up and uses to drag his boyfriend closer. “So take a trip with me?”

“Why?”

“Because I want to take a trip?” Tony says, affecting an innocent expression. “Because the Tower has access to too many 24 hour news channels? For the opportunity of new and exciting places to have sex? Bucky! Stop with the patient eyebrows.” Bucky mouths ‘patient eyebrows’ to himself, shaking with laughter. “It’s a surprise.”

“Oh, God,” Bucky groans. The last ‘surprise’ of Tony’s was a cake filled with strippers. For Natasha.

Tony seems to read his mind and points an accusing finger at him. “You cannot deny that was amazing and she loved it.”

Natasha had loved the strippers. She knew at least eight new ways to bend now.

“Alright,” Bucky agrees, and accepts his boyfriend’s gleeful, slightly sloppy kisses with a smile.

“It’s not an argument of what James Barnes deserves, that’s a complete strawman. It’s a question of what he can handle. The man has had an incredibly difficult life, one that’s produced well documented instances of PTSD and dissociative attacks. This is not a man equipped to handle the kind of stress the Avengers are put under every day-”

“He was a monster, plain and simple. And maybe we can believe Mr. Stark and Captain Rogers here, maybe the monster has been taken out, but what kind of scars did that leave-”

“I mean, in all honesty, how can he ever be trusted? How will we ever know?”

“Hey.” A foot kicks at his own, knocking Bucky out of his miserable recollections.“I know that face. This plane is a That-Face Free Zone.”

He kicks back at Tony. “It’s nothing, Punk,” he says, mustering up some semblance of a smile. It just makes Tony grimace, then crawl over so he can sit beside him.

“How ‘bout just no faces at all?” he asks as he settles. “For a former super spy you have horrible facial control.” Bucky stiffens up beside him and Tony sighs, taking his hand. “James.”

James. That’s all its ever taken from Tony. His name, said in that fond, slightly impatient tone. “James,” Tony had said, finding James in the aftermath of a panic attack that had ended in the destruction of his living room. “James,” he had said when he built a new arm and the first thing Bucky did with it was play fetch with the bots. “James,” he had said when Bucky had finally surrendered and kissed him. “What took you so long?”

Now Tony sits with him, patient, staring out the window so James feels distinctly unenclosed. He hadn’t been like this at the start of their relationship and its nice, sometimes, to think that Bucky has taught him some things, too.

“They’re not wrong,” he finally says, and Tony takes that as his cue to finally turn and look. “The news. I’m a complete mess three days out of five. I remember all of it, everything I did, so it’s all still there in my head. I can’t be trusted.”

“I trust you,” Tony responds immediately. “Am I an idiot?”

“No.”

“No, James, I am very smart.” Bucky smiles painfully and Tony clenches his hand. “Look, you being an Avenger? That’s always your choice. I’m sorry if we’ve pressured you-”

“You haven’t-”

“Oh, we totally have. Especially Steve. But you’ll need to discuss that with him. As for the rest - those vultures have only ever seen skin-deep, trust me on this. If I listened to them, let them dictate my life, I’d’ve ended up face down in a ditch bleeding Patron by the time I was twenty five.”

Bucky pulls his hand away so he can wrap his arm around Tony and hold him close. “You hate tequila,” he mutters, and Tony laughs.

“See? They don’t know anything. All they saw of me was a drunken overgrown fratboy and all they see of you is the Winter Soldier. Thing is, yeah, they’re not wrong every once in awhile, but they never have all the story. The Winter Soldier is not everything you are. You’re Buck, you’re James, you’re Sergeant Barnes.

“And by the way, you’re only a mess two out of five days. At most. The other three?” Tony smiles at him. “You are the best, the bravest man I have ever known.”

“Jeez, Tony,” Bucky breathes, because he never knows what to do with these pep talks. He wants to believe him, but he is constantly surrounded by heroes nowadays, and he is always reminded of his bloody past and how painfully he falls short, how impossible it seems to ever come back from that, even when he sleeps every night next to a man who did just that. He drops a kiss on Tony’s head and leans back into the chair. “So where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise, Buck. A surprise. Your dementia is showing again, old man.”

“I’ll show you old-” Bucky tips his boyfriend over in the seat.

“Oh God, I’m so glad you believe in stubble-”

“Believe? Facial hair’s not like Santa Claus, doll-”

“James.”

They touch down in Washington, DC. Tony takes them to a hotel first to freshen up, which for some reason means busting out the baseball caps and shades for both of them. Then they hope in a car that drops them off at the Mall. Tony leads them to the National Museum of American History and Bucky stops dead.

“The Smithsonian? Tony, I’ve been here before…”

“Yes. When you had just broken your brainwashing. Somehow I’m thinking you weren’t exactly absorbing all that you could.” Tony looks at the ground, the space where Bucky has taken a step backwards, and grabs his hand. “I just wanted you to see something, but we can leave.”

Bucky stares up at the building. The last time he’d been here was a blur of memories without context and a constantly building terror at what had happened to him. He had been scared. But Tony is with him now. “No, I’m fine. Show me.”

The Captain America is as busy as ever, and this time Bucky notices how many of the exhibits bear a tiny inscription under the description: Donated by Howard Stark and the Stark family.

Tony smirks when he notices where Bucky’s gaze is lingering. “Yeah, let me tell you there is nothing quite like meeting the men your dad quite literally collected.” Bucky waits for a moment to see if his smirk goes sharp and sad, but Tony just wanders on. He’d let go of his anger about Howard around the same time he’d let go of his anger towards Bucky.

They stop in front of the glass wall bearing his name, date of death (which bears a new addendum in tiny print of his miraculous recovery in 2016), height, serial number, rank, and a summary of his life. 

“James Buchanan Barnes,” Tony murmurs.

“Five hundred words or less,” Bucky says. He doesn’t mean to sound as bitter as he does, but Tony just smiles sympathetically at him and takes his hand, leading further.

They pass wall after wall of Steve Rogers, Captain America, Brooklyn’s Favorite Son, and American Legend. Bucky can see where the facts have gotten muddled: for example, he knows for a fact that the assault on the HYDRA base on the border of Luxembourg was planned by Dugan, not Steve, and was a smashing success, but facts rarely stand up to myth. “Bet Steve hates that.”

“He does. We’ve been petitioning to make them get their asses in gear and change that for years,” Tony groans lowly. 

Tony tugs him further, further into the exhibit, a part Bucky never visited before, too skittish about lingering last time. There is a wall with a long line of booths cordoned off by black curtains. The Howling Commandos: From the Other Side, a banner reads overhead, and Tony leads Bucky into one. They squeeze onto a seat, Tony puts his arm around Bucky, and then he presses play.

An old man appears on screen, looking to the side as if listening to someone. He nods, and chuckles. “My name is Peter Montcourt,” he says, his French accent extraordinarily thick. “I was nine years old when the Howling Commandos liberated the town of Bayeux from Axis control. My hometown.”

“I had lost a brother, a father, already. My town was overrun with Nazis, Italians. People disappeared during the night, never heard from again. Everyday we heard - it might be you. You might be next.

“Then one night we heard gunfire and explosions and I remember thinking that this was it, they had grown tired of watching us, now they were killing us all. A soldier burst into my house with a gun, and I stood over my mother, but the shot never came. He was gunned down.

“I never met Captain America. Steve Rogers did not liberate Bayeux. He was leading another push. Bayeux was liberated by-”

“It was me,” Bucky breathes, tears in his eyes as he remembers, and Tony’s hand smooths down his arm.

“Sergeant James Barnes. The same James Barnes who gunned down the man who wanted to hurt us. He came into our house after that, he told us who he was and that he was a sniper, and asked us kindly if he could take a position in my room upstairs, because it had good sightlines. We of course agreed. He told us to hide, but I stayed and watched him. He remained calm, and efficient. He never panicked. He was very brave.

The man grows a little teary-eyed. “People do not talk about Bayeux much, because the very same day Captain Steve Rogers freed a POW camp near Lyon. But I do not forget. None of us in this town do. We owe Sergeant Barnes and his men our lives. I was very sorry when he died. He was a good man.”

The video freezes and Bucky lurches forward, pressing his hand against Montcourt’s face. “He grew up, James,” Tony whispers. “Had a family. All because you saved him.”

“I’m not him,” Bucky says hoarsely, tears nearly blinding him. “I’m not the sergeant.”

“Mm. But he is a part of you.” Tony intertwines their fingers. “I just…I wanted you to see, know, I guess, that you are…more than the Winter Soldier. More than whatever they call you. That there’s as much greatness in you as darkness. You were a good person, Buck and…we can’t all be war heroes. Sometimes we’re just victims. It doesn’t diminish you or what you did or what you can do. I’m - shit, I’m sorry, I’m so terrible at this. I just thought you should see.”

Bucky is quiet for a very long time, staring at Montcourt. He remembers that little boy and his mother. He had remained in their home for three days, defending it and taking out enemy soldiers. The woman had brought him food that he never ate. The boy kept him awake with conversation. They had been the brave ones.

He withdraws his hand and places it over Tony’s. “Thank you,” he tells him, and the other man smiles tentatively. “I - I get it.” He isn’t the Soldier or the Sergeant. He’s just Bucky now, with shades of all of them thrown in, but maybe…maybe that isn’t so bad. At the very least, he remembers how to be strong and good. And if he needs a reminder, he has Tony and Steve and the Avengers.

They don’t get to decide what he is or isn’t. Only Bucky does that. And he doesn’t have to be a hero. He can just be…an Avenger.

“Are there more?” he asks, gesturing towards the screen. Tony’s smile goes full-blown and Bucky can’t help it, leaning forward to kiss him soundly. “I love you.”

“You, too,” Tony replies softly, pulling away. The moment goes soft and sweet for a moment, but that was never Tony’s particular style and sure enough he pulls away, his grin going positively wicked. “Ninette three booths down tells a charming story involving you, her, Dugan, my dad, two goats, and a modified washing machine. I would love to hear your version of it.”

Outside the booth an old man is waiting his turn with his wife. He steps aside for Bucky and Tony but freezes dead when he catches a good glimpse of Bucky’s face, looking back over his shoulder at the Barnes Memorial for a moment before turning back. Bucky freezes when the man raises his hand, but he merely salutes.

Bucky returns it, sloppily, then heads for Tony, who has been lowly calling his name: “James.”

[celebritylive]

A puppy’s loyalty to his owner nearly cost him his life after he was heartlessly abandoned on the side of a remote Mississippi road with only a recliner chair and television.

Since he was rescued earlier this week, the 4-month-old puppy, who was affectionately named La-Z-Boy Gatson (after the recliner and street he was found on), has been receiving proper care and love at a local veterinary clinic.

He is expected to be placed for adoption soon by the Brookhaven Animal Rescue League.

On Monday, Sharon Norris, an animal control officer with the Brookhaven Police Department, said she received a message informing her that a puppy was sitting on the side of the road by himself in a recliner, according to her post on Facebook.

RELATED: Heartbreaking Footage Shows Missing Dog Chasing After His Owner’s Car After Being Abandoned

After pulling up to the scene, Norris noticed the pup sitting alone in a giant brown recliner — his ribs clearly noticeable through his brown fur. Next to him, a discarded television laid face-down in the grass, while some kibble was scattered on the chair.

Norris said the puppy, whom she believed was a hound/Doberman pinscher mix, was likely too afraid to leave the chair and disobey his owner, so instead, he patiently waited while starving in the process.

“He was just too scared because it was a strange area,” she told Today. “It’s a deserted road. On both sides, it was nothing but woods.”

“That poor baby; he’d been a good four or five days without food,” she added to the outlet. “I mean, he was skinny… I felt sick to my stomach.”

RELATED: ‘Scores of People’ Offer to Adopt Dog Named Snoop After Video Shows Him Getting Abandoned

Though the terrified puppy initially refused to leave the recliner, Norris said she was able to hand-feed him food, which caused him to slowly let down his guard.

The officer, who also previously worked as a veterinary technician, was then able to pick up the pup and carry him to her truck. She also helped bathe him and get him medical attention, before affectionately naming him La-Z-Boy Gatson, Today reports.

Throughout that process, Norris said she could notice how La-Z-Boy Gatson’s demeanor quickly started to change.

“He was so happy because he knew he was going to get food now,” she recalled to Today. “He was rescued and safe.”

Following his rescue on Monday, La-Z-Boy Gatson was spending time at Brookhaven City Shelter as their medical team focused on aiding him back to health, according to Norris’ Facebook post.

He was later transferred to Brookhaven Animal Rescue League but has not yet been placed for adoption. In already two days, however, several families have expressed interest in bringing La-Z-Boy Gatson home to be their newest family member, according to Today.

RELATED VIDEO: Woman Caught Dumping Dogs On Camera By Good Samaritan Who Calls Her Out And Helps Rescue The Abandoned Pups

In the meantime, Norris is hoping that someone will recognize the recliner and report the person who heartlessly abandoned La-Z-Boy Gatson to city officials.

Though she acknowledged to Today that the person would likely only receive a small fine for illegal dumping, as dogs are considered property in Mississippi, she said she was confident that fate would work in La-Z-Boy Gatson’s favor.

“To the person that dumped this chair, your puppy was waiting for you to come back, slowly starving to death because it was afraid to leave the chair to find food,” she wrote on Facebook. “shame on you for doing this to this puppy.. but one day Karma will meet up with you.”

from PEOPLE.com https://ift.tt/2YjxNr4

[adambstingus]

7 Dumb Back To The Future Products You Won’t Believe Existed

A good 80 percent of Cracked’s content is devoted to peeling back the kaleidoscopic layers of WTF-ness contained within Back To The Future, but this article isn’t about that. Nope, this is about an even more ridiculous topic: the many confounding ways people tried to squeeze big bucks out of the Back To The Future flicks.

This ordinary tale of a time-travelling eccentric and his pet teenager has spawned such baffling shit as …

#7. The Back To The Future Cartoon Was A Fucking Crazy Parade

As we’ve mentioned before on the site, Doc Brown’s character-concluding decision to father children with a historically dead woman and blast through time in a screeching lightning train was reckless at best. And so it’s only natural that the 1991 Back To The Future TV show would follow the horrific mishaps of this family, sandwiched with live-action science demonstrations by Christopher Lloyd and an oddly mute Bill Nye.

They’re like the Penn and Teller of mad science.

But despite its audience of the young and curious, an average episode of Back To The Future: The Animated Series played out like Rick And Morty episodes Adult Swim rejected for being too bleak. Don’t believe us? The pilot for the series starts with Doc’s younger son Verne stealing the time machine and traveling to the Civil War … followed by Doc finding a photo revealing that little Verne died for the Confederate Army.

“But hey, it says here that the Alabama chapter of the KKK is named in his honor.”

Doc eventually prevents this by creating a truce between Verne’s Confederate pals and the Union, and the gang happily flies home like they didn’t just irrevocably alter the outcome of a Civil War battle. That’s basically the story of the series, as Doc, Marty, and Doc’s kids manhandle historical moments while Doc’s wife Clara waits back home with sandwiches.

In the third goddamn episode, Doc brings his kids to the very moment the dinosaurs are wiped out by a meteor, saving the group by hastily stopping the comet and changing the future into a lizard-ruled wasteland. (One of said lizards looks like Biff, implying that a Tannen once fucked a dinosaur.)

This means that Doc is forced to go back and kill the dinosaurs himself, re-altering his actions so that the meteor gets back on a collision course with Earth … but not before one of his kids befriends a scared pterodactyl. So how does Doc handle this unfortunate attachment? Obviously, the rest of the series would involve the group goofing around with their adopted dino friend. I mean, otherwise, he’d have to …

… tear his son from the sobbing grasp of a doomed animal …

… stuff him into the time machine and fly away …

This also serves as the official series finale for The Flintstones.

… and watch as the comet tears through the atmosphere and vaporizes the boy’s dinosaur pal. That’s seriously what happens in the special “watch all the dinosaurs die” episode of this nightmare series. Happy Saturday morning, assholes!

#6. A Japanese Video Game Made BTTF 2 Into Crazy-Ass Anime

Anyone who played the early Back To The Future Nintendo games knows that whoever made them clearly didn’t bother to see the movies. Either that, or Back To The Future Part III cut a scene in which Marty ingests a crazy amount of peyote and starts seeing mutant cow men everywhere.

Presumably named “Beef Tannen.”

The Japan-only Back To The Future Part II Super Famicom game, on the other hand, tried to follow the plot of movie … and somehow ended up being even weirder. You control Marty, who spends the entire time on his hoverboard — because, realistically speaking, if you owned a hoverboard, why the fuck would you ever not be flying around on it?

The game starts on a grimly prescient note, with trigger-happy 2015 cops shooting at Marty for no apparent reason.

When we reach the alternate 1985, Marty goes around fighting disoriented crackheads, mistaking their agonized gasps for taunting chicken noises. Marty then discovers his murdered father’s tombstone, and he … seems pretty copacetic with this development, all things considered.

Doc, on the other hand, turns into an angry pink Gollum.

If you’ve ever wanted to see these iconic moments reimagined as demented Sailor Moon episodes, you’re in luck. When Marty discovers the 1950s girlie mag instead of the sports almanac, the mere sight of boobs gives him a stroke.

Which is weird, because this is after meeting his mother’s gargantuan dystopian breasts. Marty’s perma-smirk in that scene is somehow even creepier than when he was standing at his dead dad’s grave.

Also, why are they in the Technodrome?

By the time Biff seemingly vampire-bites the almanac away from Marty and gets covered in a sea of 16-bit horseshit, you’ll probably never see Back To The Future the same way ever again.

“I won’t close my mouth. I deserve this.”

And speaking of which …

#5. A Hot Wheels Biff Car … Complete With Manure

There aren’t a ton of Back To The Future toys, but the ones that do exist are mostly DeLorean-based. There’s a DeLorean Lego set, a remote-control DeLorean, and even a Power-Wheels-esque DeLorean for ’80s kids whose parents wanted them to explore their confused Oedipal feelings outside the house.

Sadly, this kid was easily taken out by Libyan terrorists.

So it’s only natural that the DeLorean be adopted by stalwart toy car company Hot Wheels. Recently, the company decided to expand their Back To The Future line to include not only Doc’s DeLorean …

Oh, sorry. Doc’s “Time Machine of Indeterminate Brand.”

And Marty’s sweet 4×4 …

“Complete with two coats of wax and Fat Biff’s tears!”

And even Biff Tannen’s Ford Super Deluxe Converti– oh, shit.

You can get a non-poopy version for an extra $300.

Yes, they produced a beautiful classic automobile overflowing with rancid manure, as seen in that scene and that other scene and that variation of the scene. It looks like an amusing Internet Photoshop job, but it’s a real toy which you could go buy right now … or, you know, make at home yourself with a toy car and some laxatives.

Couldn’t Hot Wheels have mass-produced Doc’s hover-train? Or one of those kickass police cars from 2015? Nope. Instead, we get the shit-encrusted rapemobile. Think of all the ways kids could play with this. “Oh no, Biff’s car got covered in manure … again …” Assuming your kid even knows what Back To The Future is, how are they supposed to integrate Biff’s car with their other Hot Wheels products?

“Yes! The race is delayed due to track turds!”

#4. ZZ Top Turns All The Characters Into Ogling Creeps

Along with “The Power of Love,” Huey Lewis and the News wrote “Back In Time,” the surprisingly engaged recounting of the events of Back To The Future from Marty’s perspective. Sadly, we were less lucky with ZZ Top’s “Doubleback,” a jabbering spray of temporally-themed rhymes in no way related to the third film.

The one band you’d think you could trust to hitch their beer-drinking, hell-raising wagon to Wake-Up Juice, but noooooo.

Now, “Doubleback” is a fucking abomination, an artistic charley horse clearly farted out 12 minutes from the studio call time. But then there’s the music video, which superimposes the band into random clips from the movie in such a disjointed, cookie cutter way that it comes alive like a serial killer’s scrapbook.

GOOF: ZZ Top were only teenagers in 1885, so they shouldn’t have beards yet.

It’s everyone’s third-favorite time travel movie, perpetually interrupted with the looming presence of three guys who look like the personification of bathroom assault. By the end, they’re literally sticking their faces over the action so that we don’t forget to be bummed out by their existence.

We’re all for them supplanting Marty’s mom in this scene to make it less creepy, though.

But the weird stuff begins when this monochromatic onslaught changes the movie’s finale to include a pimped-out ride randomly rolling into Marty’s standoff with Mad Dog Tannen …

… and releasing three jean-short bombshells of various ’90s fabric patterns and foxy accessories, to which the movie’s characters react with stock disbelief appropriated from the original scene.

OK, we have to admit that these guys clean up nicely when they shave.

That’s right — Doc reacting to Marty’s fakeout death is the same expression as his boner face. Or maybe he’s wondering how a Cadillac Sedanette went back in time without a bunch of nonsense sticking out of its hood. Either way: boner.

#3. Pizza Hut’s Back To The Future Ads Are Rather Sad In Retrospect

Having the ability to engorge on a puck of meat and cheese has been every child’s dream since Marty’s mom hydrated a Pizza Hut pizza in Back To The Future II.

The most fantastic concept here is a 2015 pizza without a gimmicky crust.

So delicious. At least, if you ignore the fact that eating a waterlogged dough slice sounds like a fucking nightmare, and that the Pizza Hut of this future solely makes the equivalent of microwave meals. In fairness, the brand’s own advertising campaign had a slightly different take on their role in the future:

Their kinder, gentler take on Robocop was probably their lamest (and most inaccurate) prediction of all.

According to one 1989 commercial, the Pizza Huts of 2015 are built like techno mosques. It makes sense in the context of the ad, which begins with two unknown ruffians taking the DeLorean out for a spin, presumably after swiping the keys from Doc Brown’s ransacked corpse.

To save you 15 minutes on IMDb: It’s Mikey from Parker Lewis Can’t Lose.

The ne’er-do-wells zoom to 2015, where, to the sad grumbles of their stomachs, they find the streets barren of any pizza eateries, as Domino’s has long been converted into a hardware chain. Luckily, there’s still one place in business, and it’s the all-hail Pizza Hut temple.

The Noid was executed after a show trial in ’94.

It’s unclear why a restaurant that makes cookie-sized products needs multiple neon spires, but it probably has to do with the announcer’s assertion that, even in the future, Pizza Hut is the “only one place to get a great pizza.” The fact that Pizza Hut was envisioning an all-exclusive Demolition Man scenario with their brand is made that much more heartbreaking by the company’s actual 2015 situation:

Also depressing: the current state of journalism, since no one realized this graphic should be a pie chart.

Turns out that all the movie projector pizza boxes and eye-tracking tablet menus in the world can’t get us to that Utopian Italian palace where dressing like it’s the ’80s is still hip and (according to another tie-in ad) absolutely everyone wears futuristic solar shades.

The nuclear fallout has melted all of our eyes by now.

#2. Doc Brown Teamed Up With Doogie Howser For Earth Day

Back in 1990, people were really committed to saving the environment … as long as the extent of that commitment was appearing in some kind of extravagant TV special instead of cutting back on fossil fuels. Regardless, this newly-discovered sense of eco-awareness led to one of the craziest moments in pop culture: The Earth Day Special.

The special starred a slew of wacky creatures, like the Muppets and Danny DeVito and E.T., who looks to have been living in a filthy alley since the events of his film.

He’ll touch you with his “magic finger” for $5 and some Reese’s Pieces.

Since this was the year that Back To The Future Part III came out, Doc Brown naturally joined the cross-promotional fray. Who better to promote environmental activism than a guy who hoards large quantities of plutonium in a garage in a residential neighborhood?

The loose plot of the special is about the personification of Mother Earth dying. Doc Brown shows up in his DeLorean and offers his assistance to the doctor in charge of healing Mrs. Earth — who, because this was 1990, is Doogie Fucking Howser.

“Not even Edward James Olmos’ mustache could revive her.” “We’re doomed.”

Doc whips out his suitcase TV and shows them footage of how screwed over the Earth is, which is kind of a dick move, considering how she’s right over there. It doesn’t help that the clips are seemingly stock footage pretentiously edited together by first-year film students.

“What are those ladies doing with that cup …?” “Whoops, wrong year.”

As always, Doc ends up finding the solution: science! Not any specific science but, like, the act of reading and shit. Look, it was 6 a.m. and someone wanted to finish that goddamn children’s TV show script already.

#1. The Back To The Future Novelization Gets Dark

Movie novelizations are generally terrible, but the one for Back To The Future takes it to a whole new level. It’s the Back To The Future of bad literary cash-ins.

“What do you mean it’s not about a kid with a camera who farts fireworks?” — the author, probably

The book opens with a vivid description of a dead family getting bent out of shape by the detonation of a nuclear bomb, which turns out to be a scene from a film Marty is watching. This never comes up again in the book — because the author is too busy thinking up even crazier, tangentially BTTF-related shit. For instance, we get a scene featuring the Libyan terrorists casually hanging out in a shitty motel, which answers the question you always had: Yes, one of them is a psychotic former fashion model.

You can only be told to look “sexy like tiger” so many times before something inside snaps.

And she doesn’t mind offing Doc Brown because he … “looks Jewish.”

Doc goes commando in his jumpsuits in this version.

Even when it’s a scene we recognize from the movie, the author’s prose manages to make everything seem a tiny bit seedier:

Not that “Let’s hire your attempted rapist as our live-in manservant” is any less creepy.

The novel also features the most disturbing context for the phrase “giggled naughtily” in all of fiction:

A parent’s naughty giggling is typically reason #1 Protective Services gives when taking away their child.

The whole book is so bizarre and creepy that it wouldn’t be surprising to learn that it was imported from the shitty alternate 1985. And we’re only scratching the surface here. A whole other book could be written just pointing out all the fucked up moments, page by page. Did we say “could”? We meant “someone on the Internet did exactly that.”

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/7-dumb-back-to-the-future-products-you-wont-believe-existed/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/181924707857

[allofbeercom]

7 Dumb Back To The Future Products You Won’t Believe Existed

A good 80 percent of Cracked’s content is devoted to peeling back the kaleidoscopic layers of WTF-ness contained within Back To The Future, but this article isn’t about that. Nope, this is about an even more ridiculous topic: the many confounding ways people tried to squeeze big bucks out of the Back To The Future flicks.

This ordinary tale of a time-travelling eccentric and his pet teenager has spawned such baffling shit as …

#7. The Back To The Future Cartoon Was A Fucking Crazy Parade

As we’ve mentioned before on the site, Doc Brown’s character-concluding decision to father children with a historically dead woman and blast through time in a screeching lightning train was reckless at best. And so it’s only natural that the 1991 Back To The Future TV show would follow the horrific mishaps of this family, sandwiched with live-action science demonstrations by Christopher Lloyd and an oddly mute Bill Nye.

They’re like the Penn and Teller of mad science.

But despite its audience of the young and curious, an average episode of Back To The Future: The Animated Series played out like Rick And Morty episodes Adult Swim rejected for being too bleak. Don’t believe us? The pilot for the series starts with Doc’s younger son Verne stealing the time machine and traveling to the Civil War … followed by Doc finding a photo revealing that little Verne died for the Confederate Army.

“But hey, it says here that the Alabama chapter of the KKK is named in his honor.”

Doc eventually prevents this by creating a truce between Verne’s Confederate pals and the Union, and the gang happily flies home like they didn’t just irrevocably alter the outcome of a Civil War battle. That’s basically the story of the series, as Doc, Marty, and Doc’s kids manhandle historical moments while Doc’s wife Clara waits back home with sandwiches.

In the third goddamn episode, Doc brings his kids to the very moment the dinosaurs are wiped out by a meteor, saving the group by hastily stopping the comet and changing the future into a lizard-ruled wasteland. (One of said lizards looks like Biff, implying that a Tannen once fucked a dinosaur.)

This means that Doc is forced to go back and kill the dinosaurs himself, re-altering his actions so that the meteor gets back on a collision course with Earth … but not before one of his kids befriends a scared pterodactyl. So how does Doc handle this unfortunate attachment? Obviously, the rest of the series would involve the group goofing around with their adopted dino friend. I mean, otherwise, he’d have to …

… tear his son from the sobbing grasp of a doomed animal …

… stuff him into the time machine and fly away …

This also serves as the official series finale for The Flintstones.

… and watch as the comet tears through the atmosphere and vaporizes the boy’s dinosaur pal. That’s seriously what happens in the special “watch all the dinosaurs die” episode of this nightmare series. Happy Saturday morning, assholes!

#6. A Japanese Video Game Made BTTF 2 Into Crazy-Ass Anime

Anyone who played the early Back To The Future Nintendo games knows that whoever made them clearly didn’t bother to see the movies. Either that, or Back To The Future Part III cut a scene in which Marty ingests a crazy amount of peyote and starts seeing mutant cow men everywhere.

Presumably named “Beef Tannen.”

The Japan-only Back To The Future Part II Super Famicom game, on the other hand, tried to follow the plot of movie … and somehow ended up being even weirder. You control Marty, who spends the entire time on his hoverboard — because, realistically speaking, if you owned a hoverboard, why the fuck would you ever not be flying around on it?

The game starts on a grimly prescient note, with trigger-happy 2015 cops shooting at Marty for no apparent reason.

When we reach the alternate 1985, Marty goes around fighting disoriented crackheads, mistaking their agonized gasps for taunting chicken noises. Marty then discovers his murdered father’s tombstone, and he … seems pretty copacetic with this development, all things considered.

Doc, on the other hand, turns into an angry pink Gollum.

If you’ve ever wanted to see these iconic moments reimagined as demented Sailor Moon episodes, you’re in luck. When Marty discovers the 1950s girlie mag instead of the sports almanac, the mere sight of boobs gives him a stroke.

Which is weird, because this is after meeting his mother’s gargantuan dystopian breasts. Marty’s perma-smirk in that scene is somehow even creepier than when he was standing at his dead dad’s grave.

Also, why are they in the Technodrome?

By the time Biff seemingly vampire-bites the almanac away from Marty and gets covered in a sea of 16-bit horseshit, you’ll probably never see Back To The Future the same way ever again.

“I won’t close my mouth. I deserve this.”

And speaking of which …

#5. A Hot Wheels Biff Car … Complete With Manure

There aren’t a ton of Back To The Future toys, but the ones that do exist are mostly DeLorean-based. There’s a DeLorean Lego set, a remote-control DeLorean, and even a Power-Wheels-esque DeLorean for ’80s kids whose parents wanted them to explore their confused Oedipal feelings outside the house.

Sadly, this kid was easily taken out by Libyan terrorists.

So it’s only natural that the DeLorean be adopted by stalwart toy car company Hot Wheels. Recently, the company decided to expand their Back To The Future line to include not only Doc’s DeLorean …

Oh, sorry. Doc’s “Time Machine of Indeterminate Brand.”

And Marty’s sweet 4×4 …

“Complete with two coats of wax and Fat Biff’s tears!”

And even Biff Tannen’s Ford Super Deluxe Converti– oh, shit.

You can get a non-poopy version for an extra $300.

Yes, they produced a beautiful classic automobile overflowing with rancid manure, as seen in that scene and that other scene and that variation of the scene. It looks like an amusing Internet Photoshop job, but it’s a real toy which you could go buy right now … or, you know, make at home yourself with a toy car and some laxatives.

Couldn’t Hot Wheels have mass-produced Doc’s hover-train? Or one of those kickass police cars from 2015? Nope. Instead, we get the shit-encrusted rapemobile. Think of all the ways kids could play with this. “Oh no, Biff’s car got covered in manure … again …” Assuming your kid even knows what Back To The Future is, how are they supposed to integrate Biff’s car with their other Hot Wheels products?

“Yes! The race is delayed due to track turds!”

#4. ZZ Top Turns All The Characters Into Ogling Creeps

Along with “The Power of Love,” Huey Lewis and the News wrote “Back In Time,” the surprisingly engaged recounting of the events of Back To The Future from Marty’s perspective. Sadly, we were less lucky with ZZ Top’s “Doubleback,” a jabbering spray of temporally-themed rhymes in no way related to the third film.

The one band you’d think you could trust to hitch their beer-drinking, hell-raising wagon to Wake-Up Juice, but noooooo.

Now, “Doubleback” is a fucking abomination, an artistic charley horse clearly farted out 12 minutes from the studio call time. But then there’s the music video, which superimposes the band into random clips from the movie in such a disjointed, cookie cutter way that it comes alive like a serial killer’s scrapbook.

GOOF: ZZ Top were only teenagers in 1885, so they shouldn’t have beards yet.

It’s everyone’s third-favorite time travel movie, perpetually interrupted with the looming presence of three guys who look like the personification of bathroom assault. By the end, they’re literally sticking their faces over the action so that we don’t forget to be bummed out by their existence.

We’re all for them supplanting Marty’s mom in this scene to make it less creepy, though.

But the weird stuff begins when this monochromatic onslaught changes the movie’s finale to include a pimped-out ride randomly rolling into Marty’s standoff with Mad Dog Tannen …

… and releasing three jean-short bombshells of various ’90s fabric patterns and foxy accessories, to which the movie’s characters react with stock disbelief appropriated from the original scene.

OK, we have to admit that these guys clean up nicely when they shave.

That’s right — Doc reacting to Marty’s fakeout death is the same expression as his boner face. Or maybe he’s wondering how a Cadillac Sedanette went back in time without a bunch of nonsense sticking out of its hood. Either way: boner.

#3. Pizza Hut’s Back To The Future Ads Are Rather Sad In Retrospect

Having the ability to engorge on a puck of meat and cheese has been every child’s dream since Marty’s mom hydrated a Pizza Hut pizza in Back To The Future II.

The most fantastic concept here is a 2015 pizza without a gimmicky crust.

So delicious. At least, if you ignore the fact that eating a waterlogged dough slice sounds like a fucking nightmare, and that the Pizza Hut of this future solely makes the equivalent of microwave meals. In fairness, the brand’s own advertising campaign had a slightly different take on their role in the future:

Their kinder, gentler take on Robocop was probably their lamest (and most inaccurate) prediction of all.

According to one 1989 commercial, the Pizza Huts of 2015 are built like techno mosques. It makes sense in the context of the ad, which begins with two unknown ruffians taking the DeLorean out for a spin, presumably after swiping the keys from Doc Brown’s ransacked corpse.

To save you 15 minutes on IMDb: It’s Mikey from Parker Lewis Can’t Lose.

The ne’er-do-wells zoom to 2015, where, to the sad grumbles of their stomachs, they find the streets barren of any pizza eateries, as Domino’s has long been converted into a hardware chain. Luckily, there’s still one place in business, and it’s the all-hail Pizza Hut temple.

The Noid was executed after a show trial in ’94.

It’s unclear why a restaurant that makes cookie-sized products needs multiple neon spires, but it probably has to do with the announcer’s assertion that, even in the future, Pizza Hut is the “only one place to get a great pizza.” The fact that Pizza Hut was envisioning an all-exclusive Demolition Man scenario with their brand is made that much more heartbreaking by the company’s actual 2015 situation:

Also depressing: the current state of journalism, since no one realized this graphic should be a pie chart.

Turns out that all the movie projector pizza boxes and eye-tracking tablet menus in the world can’t get us to that Utopian Italian palace where dressing like it’s the ’80s is still hip and (according to another tie-in ad) absolutely everyone wears futuristic solar shades.

The nuclear fallout has melted all of our eyes by now.

#2. Doc Brown Teamed Up With Doogie Howser For Earth Day

Back in 1990, people were really committed to saving the environment … as long as the extent of that commitment was appearing in some kind of extravagant TV special instead of cutting back on fossil fuels. Regardless, this newly-discovered sense of eco-awareness led to one of the craziest moments in pop culture: The Earth Day Special.

The special starred a slew of wacky creatures, like the Muppets and Danny DeVito and E.T., who looks to have been living in a filthy alley since the events of his film.

He’ll touch you with his “magic finger” for $5 and some Reese’s Pieces.

Since this was the year that Back To The Future Part III came out, Doc Brown naturally joined the cross-promotional fray. Who better to promote environmental activism than a guy who hoards large quantities of plutonium in a garage in a residential neighborhood?

The loose plot of the special is about the personification of Mother Earth dying. Doc Brown shows up in his DeLorean and offers his assistance to the doctor in charge of healing Mrs. Earth — who, because this was 1990, is Doogie Fucking Howser.

“Not even Edward James Olmos’ mustache could revive her.” “We’re doomed.”

Doc whips out his suitcase TV and shows them footage of how screwed over the Earth is, which is kind of a dick move, considering how she’s right over there. It doesn’t help that the clips are seemingly stock footage pretentiously edited together by first-year film students.

“What are those ladies doing with that cup …?” “Whoops, wrong year.”

As always, Doc ends up finding the solution: science! Not any specific science but, like, the act of reading and shit. Look, it was 6 a.m. and someone wanted to finish that goddamn children’s TV show script already.

#1. The Back To The Future Novelization Gets Dark

Movie novelizations are generally terrible, but the one for Back To The Future takes it to a whole new level. It’s the Back To The Future of bad literary cash-ins.

“What do you mean it’s not about a kid with a camera who farts fireworks?” — the author, probably

The book opens with a vivid description of a dead family getting bent out of shape by the detonation of a nuclear bomb, which turns out to be a scene from a film Marty is watching. This never comes up again in the book — because the author is too busy thinking up even crazier, tangentially BTTF-related shit. For instance, we get a scene featuring the Libyan terrorists casually hanging out in a shitty motel, which answers the question you always had: Yes, one of them is a psychotic former fashion model.

You can only be told to look “sexy like tiger” so many times before something inside snaps.

And she doesn’t mind offing Doc Brown because he … “looks Jewish.”

Doc goes commando in his jumpsuits in this version.

Even when it’s a scene we recognize from the movie, the author’s prose manages to make everything seem a tiny bit seedier:

Not that “Let’s hire your attempted rapist as our live-in manservant” is any less creepy.

The novel also features the most disturbing context for the phrase “giggled naughtily” in all of fiction:

A parent’s naughty giggling is typically reason #1 Protective Services gives when taking away their child.

The whole book is so bizarre and creepy that it wouldn’t be surprising to learn that it was imported from the shitty alternate 1985. And we’re only scratching the surface here. A whole other book could be written just pointing out all the fucked up moments, page by page. Did we say “could”? We meant “someone on the Internet did exactly that.”

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/7-dumb-back-to-the-future-products-you-wont-believe-existed/