#And YES the flowers WERE chosen intentionally for their meanings!

[incredipuppy]

When I saw this painting I just KNEW I had to draw it as Cass AND I wanted to draw her s2 armor so I was able to kill two birds with one stone

[lovely-jily]

potions and locked closets

hey!! sorry this is such a long fic BUT i just wanted to say that i’m also working on this same fic but from lily’s pov lmk if you’d want that:))) thanks and i love you all so freakin much <3

James tried to steady his breathing. His heart was already beating too quickly for his liking, and he hadn't even seen her yet. He was already surprised that she agreed to be his partner; they both know that it would likely be another hour of pointless bickering but nonetheless. Lily Evans had agreed to partner with James for their weekly project Slughorn had assigned. She finally said yes to something.

"Fine," she had said after he asked her, following it up with, "But I'll undoubtedly need help with Transfiguration this week, so if you swear to help me, then I suppose we can partner."

In all honesty, James wasn't having too much trouble with his Elixer to Induce Euphoria, but he just wanted an excuse for Lily to be with him. And maybe if she saw that he had matured at least a little bit, it would make her start to tolerate him.

If that were even possible.

The dungeons were decently empty, but Lily had intentionally reserved the potions room in advance so no one else would be around. Meaning they would be completely and totally alone.

When he walked into the room, she was fiddling with the size of the fire under the cauldron. She was at the desk she usually sat in, the second row to the left, with her back to him.

"Evening Evans," He said, setting his bag on the table and standing next to her, "I see you've started already."

"Well, I actually want a good score on this," She exhaled through her mouth and flipped through her Potions book, her dainty fingers lingering on the words "Elixer to Induce Euphoria".

"I'm right there with you," he said, rolling up his sleeves. He watched Lily's eyes dart from his arms back to her textbook. From what James could see, she already gathered the ingredients and had them neatly organised in front of them.

"Alright, you can start by skinning these then?" She said, swiftly handing him the Shrivelfigs.

"Got it," he noted the way her eyes darted up to his for a second when she was handing him the Shrivelfigs, their skin touching momentarily. While it was only a second, it was long enough to cause James to hitch his breath in an all too noticeable way.

He started skinning the flower, trying to ignore the way her perfume smelled or the curve of her jaw. She tied her hair up in a low ponytail, pulling out tiny wispy hairs that framed her face. He chastised himself for the dirty thoughts that followed, but, Jesus, he couldn't help his want to do the most unholy things to her when she did that.

She started working on porcupine quills as he attempted to pull himself together.

"I wish we got Amortentia."

James took a sharp inhale, resulting in him coughing on his own spit. She, Lily Evans, the same Lily Evans who insisted she hated every fibre of his being every day since they were twelve, wanted to make a love potion with him- James! James Potter! As in the same James Potter that she would shoot daggers at any excuse, the boy she would scold any second she could, the boy-

"It's just so much more of a challenge compared to this one," she finished.

Right. Of course. That's why Lily wanted to make that potion, no other reason, as much as James wanted there to be.

"At least we didn't get Felix Felicis. That takes a while," He ignored the feeling of his heart sinking and his stomach twisting as he finished up the Shrivelfigs. He should've known that was the reason, but he couldn't help but innocently jump to conclusions with her.

"What did Amortentia smell like for you?" She asked, causing James to start jumping to conclusions again.

How do I answer this honestly without giving away the fact that I smelled her?"

"Fresh bread, rain, and- uh- my mother's shampoo," He mentally kicked himself for bringing up his mother, but it was the quickest thing he could think of on the spot, "What about you?"

She sighed, stirring in the quills, "The ocean, my mum's hot chocolate and a cologne of some kind, but I couldn't place where that one was from."

A pang of jealousy beat along with James's heart as he thought about her smelling another lads cologne. Whoever he was, he was a prick.

She shook her head quickly as she seemed to panic for a moment, hastily saying, "Anyways, I'm sure it doesn't matter."

She fiddled with the ladle, brushing the few hairs out of her face. Her cheeks were bright red.

"You alright there, Evans?" He asked as he turned to look at her. He swallowed what felt like all his dignity and pride but was actually just the extra spit that always was around with Lily.

"Just fine," She cleared her throat and handed him the Sopophorous beans, not looking at him, "Would love it if you could start working on these, though."

"Got it," he mumbled as he started dicing the beans.

"No, Potter," His heart lightened a little at the sound of his name in her voice, even if it was to chastise him, "Those are far too small. They'll dissolve too quickly."

"What do you mean, this is how Slughorn does it-"

"Slughorn always cuts things too small, but he makes up for it by moving a little quicker-"

"Well, that's stupid. What kind of a teacher-"

"James," She looked up at him, sighing, and despite her exhausted expression, his lungs lifted immensely at the sound of his first name. She never used his first name.

"Yes, Evans?"

"Could you perhaps go find more in the Potions closet? I think it'll just make things a lot easier."

"Got it."

The closet was cluttered, full of misplaced ingredients from students whose first priority clearly wasn't organisation. After a solid minute of staring at the mess, he called her in to help him.

"What do you mean 'Can't find them'- I just saw them," she huffed, shoving herself next to him in the tight space. James would be lying if he said he didn't do this on purpose but let the boy live. He would take any excuse to be in close proximity to the girl.

"Not sure how anyone could find anything in here. I feel bad for the poor bloke who has to clean this during detention," He said, hands on his hips as she stood in front of him, green eyes scanning the shelves. The closet door closed behind her, and while they weren't any closer than they were by the desks, it almost felt like she was right on top of him. It was taking his total concentration to not think about shoving her against the door and having a long-awaited snog.

"It'll probably be Sirius," she said, glancing at him, a smirk on her face.

He chuckled as he looked at the messy shelves, suddenly shy from her eye contact, "Probably. Maybe we should leave him a note."

They faced each other, her back towards the door and his towards the shelves of messy ingredients. There was just enough room between them for her to fold her arms against her chest, her smile making James's lungs feel extra airy, "Or we can charm the Wolfsbane to fall off every time he tries to put it away."

James laughed, shaking his head as he looked down at her. Their faces were only inches apart, and his heart was beating so hard he was worried she could feel it.

"You know, for such a stickler for rules, you're quite creative with pranks."

She smirked, "I've learned that you can get away with a lot more if you aren't so obnoxious about it."

James let out a fake, dramatised gasp, "You?! A Prefect breaking rules?"

She just shrugged, a smirk still painted on her face. James took a second to look at her, feeling fortunate that not only was he was in the potions closet with her, but she had chosen to carry a conversation with him. This friendly banter was still a little rare, even though they had been getting a little closer lately. Since the incident at the end of fifth year, roughly nine months ago, James decided to get his act together. Mainly for the sake of Lily, but also the threat of war was becoming more than just rumours, and he knew that a war was no place for an immature bully like himself. He was not a person that he- or really anyone- was proud of, and he wasn't okay with that.

James was about to say something when her eyes lit up at something behind his head.

"There it is!" She said and reached her arm out to grab something just next to his ear.

Under normal circumstances, James would've been disappointed that she found it because it probably meant that his time in a closet with her, the girl he's wanted to shag since he had first laid eyes on her, was now over.

However, when Lily reached forward to grab whatever they were looking for (James had since forgotten. Other things had occupied his mind the past couple of minutes), she had subconsciously pressed her body up against his. In a panic, James put his hands on her waist. They both looked at each other with panicked eyes when they realised what was going on, faces close enough that James felt her heavy exhale as she attempted to catch her breath. Her eyes darted to his lips as he was suddenly aware of how naked they felt without hers on them. He instinctively bit them.

James cleared his throat and politely turned his head away from her, trying to reduce the awkwardness.

"Er-Um-Sorry," He said, taking his hands off her waist and shoving his hands into his pockets. Lily's hand was still grasping the beans behind him, and she was staring at him, seemingly debating something. Feeling shy and awkward as she studied his face, James was staring at her left earlobe, noticing the freckle resting next to her small pearl earring.

"Don't worry about it," She mindlessly whispered, still looking intently at him. She seemed to be deep in thought and was not thinking about the words she was saying.

James was just surprised she wasn't showing any signs of being uncomfortable. He would've guessed that she would be yelling at him by now.

"So-uh- I guess we should get-" James cleared his throat as he reached for the door handle behind her. He was nervous under Lily's stare and was having a hard time keeping composure. He wasn't sure what she was thinking, and that honestly bothered him more than if she was yelling at him. At least he knew how she felt then, but he was entirely in the dark right now, "We should get going. The potion's probably been simmering for too long."

Lily blinked and shook her head as if leaving a deep trance. Suddenly embarrassed and blushing, she nodded her head and cleared her throat.

"Right," She said as James tried the door handle.

It didn't move.

He tried it again.

Nothing.

"Well, shit," James said, trying to jiggle the door handle again with both hands despite knowing it wouldn't work. She probably thought he did this on purpose (Which wouldn't be a terribly bad idea if James wasn't so afraid of her), "It's locked."

Lily's eyes widened in a panic, and she promptly turned around, trying the door handle for herself. When it inevitably didn't work, she turned back around and sighed as she leaned against the door, looking up. She groaned and brushed the hair out of her face.

"I forgot that Slughorn keeps it locked," She said, still huffing, "Normally, it doesn't matter because he just keeps it open, but..."

James felt his pockets for his wand and remembered he left it on the desk, "You haven't got your wand, do you?"

Lily looked down as she felt her own pockets, looking back up as she shook her head.

It was then, at the sight of a dishevelled Lily Evans, that James realised that he was locked in a closet with her, and he had a hard time remembering why this was such a bad thing. He tried to shove out the thoughts that entered at the way she looked dishevelled and breathing heavily. The things he would do to be the one making her look like that...

"Sorry, Evans. I feel partially responsible for this predicament," He shook his head, trying to regain self-control. What was he thinking? This was Lily Evans he was thinking about. The girl who never failed to let him know just how much she wanted to strangle him at any given moment.

She said nothing, instead resumed studying his face. He sheepishly messed up his hair, unsure what to do with his body under her gaze.

"Oh, Christ, James," She said in annoyance, biting her lip softly.

"What did I do? I didn't know about the lock!" James said defensively, finding it odd that she was just now getting mad at him.

She rolled her eyes and just looked at him.

"Fuck it," She said, and before James could form a confused expression, her hands were pulling his neck forward, and her lips were being slammed against his.

"What the fuck?" James said, shock widening his eyes as he pulled away slightly. He clearly was baffled beyond logical thinking and reason because Lily would be shoved up against the door if he were thinking clearly. There was no way that Lily Evans, the same Lily Evans that swore she wouldn't ever go out with him not even nine months ago, had just kissed him. Passionately, at that.

"Are you complaining?" She asked, a soft smirk resting on the lips that James was just kissing.

"What-No? Of course not, I just-"

"Then shut up," She whispered, feeling her way from his neck to his tie, which she pulled him forward with so their faces were close again, "And give me a good snog."

"Yes, ma'am," James smirked and tilted his head, pushing her against the door and kissing her firmly without a second thought.

[thequibblah]

I was rereading come together and I noticed that in the chapter when lily's mom dies, james sends lilac gladioli does this have a specific meaning in the fic? because I looked it up and apparently it symbolizes infatuation and never giving up. if so, I love your attention to detail. small things like this really bring the story to life

aw thank you! yes all the flowers were chosen very intentionally — but gladioli, not quite for that reason

i made a point to drop a hint about flower language later on, in chapter 25:

Her mother had been obsessed with the language of flowers, had had little pocketbooks about them that Lily read cover to cover as a child, bored enough to memorise the backs of shampoo bottles. That had hurt like a gut-punch in the days after her passing. Every bouquet sent to the house — kind gestures though they were — had felt like a message her mother’s whispered voice could decode.

i know every website says something different LOL but i think i googled mourning flowers and i'm reasonably certain i used this site. so, the pink carnations were for remembrance, white lilies were for restored innocence, white roses were for innocence and youth, and gladioli were specifically for "strength of character, moral integrity, and sincerity."

the first three struck me as pretty standard in terms of messages for funeral flowers, and apparently gladioli are common funeral flowers too, but i was like, wow that's so much nicer than just "remembrance" LOL. so if you are so inclined, feel free to think of lily perceiving that as a little message to her directly, from james — a quiet little stay strong, if you will. gladioli are the flowers of gladiators, and he certainly thinks she has the fortitude of a warrior

ok ill stop before i work myself up

[stagbells]

Summerdew and Sweet Kisses

From: @daikoski

To: @strawberryaeris

Written work under readmore!

notes: hello!! i had lots of fun writing this, it was such a joy to work on! it’s my first time writing lacenet, so i hope you enjoy!! summertime love :D

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s date night, and Lace has full reign on what they’re doing today.

It’s less of a spoken thing and more a silent agreement that one of them can take the lead and decide what sort of day the two will share together. Whether it be cozying it up at home, or working on individual projects with the other close by, going hunting, or seeking out a new activity to share, most of everything is free game when it comes to them. 

To which, she’s deliberately chosen something new.

Hornet had mentioned one time, in idle conversation, that she’d never really swam for the sake of it. If anything, it was a shortcut, if she couldn’t easily cross the body of water with her needle and silk. That she hadn’t really considered it as a fun passing of time, a recreational activity of sorts.

Well. Neither had Lace, but the thought of it now sounds far more appealing now that they’ve both claimed better lives for each other, for Hornet’s family, doesn’t it? It’s safer now, and they’re easing into a life beyond just fine, but something good instead. 

And... there are plenty of beautiful, isolated spots within the land that Lace has seen, and what better to enjoy it than with her darling? 

And what a pretty little area it is too; a pond, hidden within the depths of a lush grove. hidden, but with evidence of prior life, if the cute wooden dock is any indicator. The surface of the pond is scattered with aquatic plants in little vibrant clusters, pearls of colour that sway with the breeze. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to enter the water, dear?” 

From her spot, with Hornet sitting perched on the dock, dangling her peets into the water and swishing them around in such a way that makes Lace laugh, before settling her always so composed regard on her, she looks nothing less than perfect. And also very wary of getting wet beyond that.

Cute. 

“I’m considering it,” is just enough of a not-response that Lace hums, a touch understanding, a touch mischievous. Ah yes. She’s considering it. 

Hornet has been sitting on the edge of the dock for almost an hour now, the two making idle conversation as they enjoy the balmy air that’s heavy-sweet with ripening fruits and bright flowers, hot to the point of being almost unbearable, but alas, she is still considering it. 

Such a shame.

Lace splashes the unsuspecting spider. 

Not a full-on wave, of course, she isn’t that mean, but as of now, a little urging on her part wouldn’t hurt, and Hornet immediately shields herself from the water. The top-half of her cloak is soaked.

“Lace—!” 

“Yes?” Her voice as innocent as she is not, she merely swishes her hands within the water, propelling herself back a bit from the dock before holding her hands out in gesture, as if to catch Hornet if she were to dive in. “My, dearest, do you need any help with that? You’re already halfway there!”

“My silk is going to melt, and my things could rust...” 

“A little water won’t hurt, but if you need a place to keep them, there’s a little nook over there that’ll keep them safe.” Shrouded by bits of sweet grass and soft soil, it’s a perfect spot to keep anything important safe. Besides, they’re both well aware that both of their belongings are far sturdier than that...

“If you had wanted me in the water so bad, you could have asked.” 

Kind of haphazardly, more deliberate than not, Hornet unburdens herself of all the little tools and trinkets she keeps within her cloak, before finally sliding into the water. (It’s a mess, but a mess that she understands and who is Lace to question that.) 

“There. I’ve removed everything from my pockets, and I’m here now.” Her tone is just a touch grumpy, though that’s easily dismissed with the way Lace can feel the faint stutter-rumble of her purr as she rests a hand on Hornet’s chest.

“Cute, but I think the little questions I’ve scattered into our conversation were not given much heed.”

“Maybe if you asked again...” Ah, now that is most certainly petulance. “You’re enjoying making a fool of me today, aren’t you?”

Hornet’s claws are carefully gripping her own, smaller hand, and Lace brushes the pad of her thumb over her now damp fur. The distant, light waves that carry them ever so slightly kind of pushes her to Hornet, and she can only smile wider at the way her lover’s claws go to brace her gently.

“Ahh, my apologies, I'm not trying to be mean!” 

“Really.”

“Mm. At least, just a little bit.”

“So you do admit it.”

“And you must believe me, dearheart, when I say I have no ill intent~!” 

Intentionally, Lace lets her mandibles curl in a teasing, honey-sweet manner that always has Hornet unable to look away for just a little bit, and she relishes in the attention just as much as the way her darling swats a wave of water her way in reciprocation.

Because even if she says it in a teasing way, going so far to jab her elbow lightly into Hornet’s side with a laugh, she hopes that the cute spider knows she means every word of it. 

Because she’s something wonderful, isn’t she? Direct in a way that’s refreshing, because how often is it that Lace gets to experience something like that? Sharp and honest (and even if she does sometimes struggle with expressing her feelings, she’s still honest) and it’s in such a way that makes Lace want to be the same towards her, be something more open, more real.

...Weird concept, and Lace finds herself laughing to herself, just a little trill of delight. 

Yes, but nothing could ever make her stop wanting to tease the spider. Her reactions are so cute after all! 

But, her sappiness can be saved for later. Not when there’s currently the cute culprit of these thoughts right in front of her. It’s fun to splash around and goad her dearest on into something of a playfight, one that results in the both being absolutely drenched, but it’s just as nice to relish the coolness of the water against her shell, and in turn be able to admire the many facets such a new experience has brought upon Hornet’s visage. 

Cute.

Such as the vague flit of surprise that had so graced the spider’s face when Lace had dunked herself beneath the water; not so many bugs feel comfortable doing such a thing, after all. Or the fond, subdued smile that quirks her fangs just so with each sharp banter that slips so naturally out. It’s nice. 

And when the sunlight becomes something a bit too bright and Lace can see the films of Hornet’s eyes try to flick up as she winces from it, she can’t help but bump shoulders with her, before drawing her hand over the smoothness of Hornet’s mask in an unsubtle way of blocking the light, for even just a moment. 

“You’re getting water in my eyes,” Hornet half-protests, fangs scrunching but looking so much more relaxed now, and Lace can only think of it as a job well done. 

She had purposefully made it so that they would go out later in the day anyways; noonlight was something so sharp sometimes, but alas, even in the evenings can the sunlight bother her dearest like so. They continue like that for a good while longer, idly floating about and conversing, one instigating another splash war on occasion.

It’s all fun and games until they have to get out of the water.

Hornet, the poor little thing, looks just a bit miserable as she works on flicking the water from the tufts of fur that lines her body, chelicerae working ever so slightly concentration. Well, it’s good she’s come prepared.

“Here you are, lover!” Easily tossing a towel around Hornet’s shoulders, Lace gives it a light tug to pull her spider down to press a little kiss and a nuzzle against the side of her mask.

“You planned for this.” Hornet is nothing short of accusatory, and she laughs, just letting a playful hum be her response as she helps tumble dry her.

“What, to trick you into the water so I can give you a kiss?” 

Could it really be considered such a devious plan when she was planning on kissing her either way? Endearing thought, especially since Hornet herself is the one to go through some length to muster up something as direct as asking for a kiss. Usually all she’d need to do is start purring up a storm to leave Lace as the one giving the kisses!

At some point, Hornet had cuddled up to her, both drying beneath the steady heat of the sun, but indulging in the warmth of one another for as long as they were allowed. Laying back onto the wood of the deck, peaceful and soft and warm, where the only sounds were that of trickling water and slowing breathing.

Despite appearances, Hornet can be quite the cuddler, curling herself as close as possible to Lace, little tail and everything looping around her as she dozes. Well, this is her fate now. 

She doesn’t have the heart to move and disrupt Hornet from a well-deserved nap, even if the way they cuddle always traps her beneath her weight. Not until the sun begins to fall, and the faint glimmers of the starlight begin to settle in, does Lace think of stirring the spider. 

This is the sight she wanted to share with her, after all. To deliberately take a moment and enjoy the sight the massive void above has to offer, with all its strange mysteries and stories to tell. Stories she only really heard as a grub, but ones she’s more than willing to try and scrounge up to share with her lover if she so asked...

“Hello there, darling,” Lace carefully nudges her girlfriend awake, and Hornet untucks her face from the crook of her neck. “The sky is clear tonight, take a look.” 

(There’s no teasing note to her voice—there’s no need to bring it forth, rather. Not when everything is so quiet, so subdued, and Hornet is still shaking off the last lingering bits of sleep from her eyes, looking so peaceful and comfortable that the sight brings an ache forth in her chest.)

(That this is something they both get to have.)

“It’s night time already?” Hornet murmurs, twisting herself to lay on her back, “Would you not get cold?” The sleepy note to her normally composed and cold voice is something so cute, and Lace leans in to give her a little nuzzle. 

“No, and even if I do, I have you, as well as the shawl you had weaved for me so kindly.” And alongside that, the soft, genuine fondness in her own voice is still something so faintly unfamiliar, yet so nice. She could get used to it. 

Hornet flushes a bit, perhaps at the prospect that Lace had decided to take the gift she had made for her along in case the night air became chilly, before letting a little ‘mrr’ of disappointment out. 

“I am not sure if we should stay out so late...” she begins, before gesturing a bit vaguely, “that, and I had mistakenly assumed we were to return home by nightfall, so...”

Ohh, are her siblings expecting her?

Lace sits up, and unable to help it, stares for a moment. It clicks. Right. They usually go hunting during their dates, two belflies with one stone so to say. 

“Did you leave your siblings at home with nothing to eat?” is her automatic question, more concerned for Hornet than anything else. Hornet sits up as well, adjusting her cloak.

“Not nothing.” Hornet frowns, but there’s a small smile hidden, tucked away beneath her mask and Lace knows she’s not truly upset at her question, “they’re most likely eating as we speak. And if they so happen to finish all of our food at home, neither are the type to allow the other to go hungry anyways...” so they could very well be hunting, too.

“Ah, but I can tell you still dislike the notion of leaving them without a fresh meal.” Lace points out, and Hornet leans into her side a bit. 

“...Yes.”

“Cute! If it so soothes you, my worrier, then we can take a little detour. I wouldn’t mind if this date takes a turn for our usual.” Carefully extracting herself from Hornet’s hold, Lace hops up with ease to swipe up her belongings—including her pin.

Hornet visibly hesitates—and by visibly, there’s the slightest press of her claws against Lace’s arm, just a light pressure as if to gently tug her back to her side—before she too stands. Not one to leave things undone, not one to linger, but oh, so it seems for the both of them, lingering is just so much easier nowadays...

“Apologies...” she mumbles, and whether it be due to cutting their plans short, or the hesitation, Lace hums affectionately to comfort her. “We could stay a little longer?”

“We can always go stargazing another day, my dear. And hunting with you is always a treat, there's nothing to apologize for.” and with a little nuzzle, the two are on their way.

(A part of her delights so wonderfully at the fact she’s come to pick up so many of Hornet’s cues; not when so few bugs can say the same, and it makes her preen with a silly sweet sort of pride. Hers, just as much as she is Hornet’s.)

It isn’t until they’re both following an easy scent trail that Hornet speaks up again, breaking that routine silence and looking beautifully dangerous in the moonlight, needle and silk carrying her onwards.

“...Did you call me your ‘warrior’ or ‘worrier’?”

Pfft!

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

...

“I suppose I’ll just earn back my title as your warrior with this hunt.”

[noonachronicles]

Forget Me Not

Lee Hoseok/Wonho X Reader

Word Count: 22k

Warnings: Tamed usage of curse words. Smut, but cheesy, bad smut . It’s almost like I wrote it bad intentionally? (don’t even read it tbh). Also some of this was written during a cold medicine haze. So any part you don’t like was written while I was on cold meds and/or written at three in the morning and you can’t blame me. Everything you enjoy I was fully conscious for. Also I didn’t proofread this. I tried, but I’m so tired.

Genre: Mostly fluff, some smut, angst? FWB to True Love lololol. 

A/N: Happy (belated) Birthday to my beautiful angel baby, Sara (@memoiresofaneternaldreamer​ ). I’m unexplainably sorry that this took me so long to get to you and I’m grateful for your endless patience with my shit. 🤣 Why you tolerate me I’ll never understand but it means everything to me to know that no matter what’s going on, I can always count on you to be there. For sticking with me through my worst, I wanted to give you some of my best.

Did I also use your birthday as an excuse to write out what is essentially 20k words worth of praise for Wonho based off of the disgusting amount of deeply internalized love I apparently have hidden away for him? Yes. Please don’t tell Changkyun. Now, let’s get to it.

Saturday 

Hoseok 8:40PM: Right. Fucking. Now.

You 8:45PM: k

Monday 

You 9:38PM: Busy?

Hoseok 9:40PM: On my way ;)

Thursday 

You 8:54PM: Now.

You 8:58PM: Please. :)

Today 

Hoseok 9:03PM: Need you.  

Hoseok looked down at his watch as he was stopped at the red light. He'd already sent the message to let you know he was on his way over which gave him about 15 minutes to get to your place before you got too impatient. He had two choices. He could drive straight and make it to your place a little ahead of time. Or, he could turn right and stop at the store to get a bottle of that wine he knew you loved.

When the light turned green he made a split decision and went right. He might be a little late but your irritation with his tardiness would disappear at the sight of the wine.

In the parking lot of the store there was a homeless man begging for change. Hoseok would have to choose between walking passed the old man or stopping to pull out his wallet. As he always did, he stopped. He grabbed a few bills from his wallet to give to the man and talked to him for a while to see if he needed anything from inside before actually going in. He found the wine quickly but then he chose to get something to go with it. He eyed the fresh flowers and picked out a bright mix of spring colors, he knew you’d like those better than something more romantic like roses.

He could hear your complaining already, “You're not my boyfriend. Stop doing boyfriend things. I'll get the wrong idea.”

He could also already see the bright blush on your cheeks as you sniffed the petals and placed the flowers in a vase while he opened the wine. He smiled at the thought of it and made his way to checkout. There he had chosen to stand behind a woman that looked like she was nearly ready to go crazy. Two crying toddlers stomping around in the shopping cart and screaming at the top of their lungs.

Looking at his phone he thought about sending you a message that kids were the worst, but he didn't want you to know he'd stopped. The gifts were meant to be a surprise after all. He couldn't help but listen to the conversation happening before him as time ticked by.

“I'm sorry ma’am, that's still not enough.” the cashier frowned as the mother dug inside her purse for change.

“What if we remove the chicken? So it would just been the rice and vegatables.”

“I can pay for her order. All of it.” Hoseok stepped forward placing his things on the conveyor. “Just add my two items to her order and I can pay for it.”

“Oh, please sir…”

“It's not a handout, there's no need to look so ashamed. It's a gift between friends. Feed your boys well tonight. They're growing after all.” He smiled as tears built in the woman's eyes.

“Thank you.” She whispered, trying not to breakdown in front of her kids. He handed the change from the cashier to the woman who tried and failed to deny it from the persistent Hoseok.

Feeling good, better than good, he made his way back to his sleek, silver, sports car. As he made his way to you he thought about all the choices he'd made that had brought him here and how happy he was with his decisions. Maybe he was running late and going down the road with more potholes than the other but it was worth it. You were worth it to him.

He was nearly to your place when someone else's choices that day changed everything. A delivery driver that had chosen to have an extra drink with dinner. Who chose to take off down the road instead of sleeping it off in the cab of his truck. Who chose to flip through the stations on his radio rather than look up to see the red light. Whose choices brought him crashing into the silver sports car that was on its way to you.

~~~

Downtown always seemed so busy, so alive, especially on a friday night. People out celebrating having survived the work week, couples on dates, college kids looking for a party so they could avoid any weekend assignments until Sunday. The people were often rowdy and loud, the traffic most times louder. Movie theaters were packed and lines at all the best restaurants took longer than the movies lasted. Despite all of that, it had been a really wonderful second date so far. At least that’s what you’d been thinking about as Loey walked you down the sidewalk with his magnificently long arm over your shoulder, talking enthusiastically about the movie you’d just seen together.

“...but, anyway, that’s why I had really wanted to see that one. And I know it wasn’t really your thing, so I appreciate you going with me.” he was saying as you brought yourself back to the conversation. “Did you at least like it though?”

“Umm,” you released a heavy puff of air, “I mean, it was...nice. I liked most of it. There were a lot of, um…”

“Boobs.” he said with a nod, “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I swear I didn’t know. I wasn’t trying to like… set any moods.”

You laughed at his genuine nervousness, “It’s okay, I’m not upset. It was just an observation.”

“Well if you were upset and you’re just being sweet about it now, dinner will more than make up for it.” he beamed, “I got us a reservation at the best restaurant. It’s so popular right now, I’m amazed I got us in.”

Your blood prickled in your veins just slightly and you looked at your surroundings. You’d gotten so lost in your thoughts on the walk from the theatre. With his arm around you, you hadn’t even needed to pay attention to where you were walking. The street you were on was familiar, one you’d successfully avoided for months. Your old favorite coffee shop, your old favorite jewelry store, your old favorite bookshop. Everything you’d given up for fear of not having enough restraint to not walk into the restaurant you were walking towards right now. The one with a line of people outside the door, waiting enthusiastically for their chance to experience the best french fusion cuisine in the entire city. The sign above the door, gilded script on dark wood, read La Boucherie. Though to you it might as well have read Turn Back Now in bright, blinking neon lights.

“You don’t seem excited.” Loey said looking down at you with a lopsided pout, “You didn’t happen to go vegan since our last date, did you?”

“No, no.” you shook your head and plastered on your best smile, “This is great. I’ve heard really wonderful things.”

“We can go somewhere else.” he was a puppy, always so eager to please.

You grabbed his face in your hands and forced his big doe eyes to meet yours, “It’s fine. I don’t care where we go as long as it’s together. Also I just want to eat so...”

He clutched at his chest dramatically, “You really are after my heart.”

Once inside the restaurant you tried to keep breathing. Your belly was in knots and you weren’t sure how you were going to stomach a meal with your nerves twisted so tight. There was sweat beading at your hairline by the time the hostess sat you down, but you kept your smile on your face. If he was going to see you here, you were going to look happy. Happy without him.

By the main course you had calmed down quite a bit. Your table was in the main dining area and you knew that on weekends, since they were so busy, he would be working the bar. There hadn’t even been a glimpse of him all night, and the conversation with Loey was going really well. Your stomach aching from laughter rather than nerves. By the time the two of you were sitting, waiting for dessert and after dinner coffee to arrive, you had forgotten where you even were. You hadn’t thought about it at all when you excused yourself to go to the restroom. The restroom that was next to the bar. You’d even made it in and out without a hassle. It was only when you’d walked out of the restroom that your eyes fell behind the redwood bar top. You’d frozen, your heels jammed into some invisible cement, and you weren’t entirely sure you were still breathing either.

Four mirrored panels lined the wall behind the bar reflecting the packed tables, shelves on either side of the mirrors were lined with bottles of the top shelf brands that were offered. Everything else was well stocked, and well hidden, behind the bar itself. It was a sleek look and one you’d always found aesthetically pleasing.

The man behind the bar you’d used to find pleasing as well. His black hair was disheveled. The way you’d used to like, bangs swept across his forehead. They had clearly been busy all night. He had the sleeves of his white button up rolled up to his elbows, showing off the veins in his hardworking forearms. He was helping a customer who had apparently said something funny because you found yourself blinded by his incredible smile. Very suddenly you felt sick.

Honestly, standing there you weren’t sure if you were pissed off or aroused at the sight of him, which only left you more frustrated and flustered than before. After watching him for far too long you remembered Loey and found the strength to leave. At least the strength to get to where the bar met the dining area. It was there you hesitated. You were already here and if you could help it you were never coming back, you’d reasoned with yourself. You would only have this one opportunity to say your peace until you never saw him again. After a deep breath you marched over to an open space at the bar and looked at him expectantly.

He was helping someone new at this point but he noticed you immediately. His smile grew bigger than before and he held up a finger to let you know he’d be with you in a moment. You scowled slightly, having been trying to look angry but wondering if maybe you’d come off as happy to see him. He was either happy to see you or just being his generally happy self. When he was done at the other side of the bar he pushed his sleeves back up and moved over to where you were standing.

“Hey, what can I get for you?” he asked, dark brown eyes sparkling as they looked you over.  

“I don’t want anything.”

A smug smirk spread across his face, “Oh, just came over to see me? I’m flattered.”

“Don’t be.” you snapped, “I just wanted to tell you, I’m here on a date. It’s going really well and I really like him. So I might have sex tonight...with him.”

His eyes went wide with surprise and he laughed, looking both amused and confused by your declaration. “I-I’m...that’s great? Congratulations.”

“I’m really happy now. I wanted you to know how happy I am.” you felt your confidence waiver the longer you stood in front of him. “So that’s why I came over here. To let you know I’m fine, better than fine.”

“Well I am happy you’re happy. I guess.” he nodded casually.

“Yeah, and no thanks to you.”

“Wh- I...I’m sorry. Do we know each other? You seem really mad at me.” he said finally just needing some clarification over this bizarre conversation.

“Seriously?” you scoffed, unsure how much longer you could hold up because you were pretty sure this man was trying to break your heart for a second time. “Are you joking? What...are we pretending like we never happened now? You just moved all the way on from me.”

“I...I’m so sorry. I wish I knew what you were talking about. If we had spent time together, that’s definitely something I would have wanted to remember.” he looked genuinely sorry, which made no sense to you. You weren’t crazy.

“Spent time together?” your jaw dropped to the floor, “I know we weren’t exactly dating but I thought we at least… You know what? Forget it. Just, I don’t know, go fuck yourself, Hoseok.”

You didn’t even give him the chance to process your words before turning on your heel and leaving. You were already almost in rage tears when you’d gotten back to the table. Loey’s smile instantly fading at the sight of you and turning into concern. After apologizing profusely you grabbed your things and begged him to stay and enjoy dessert, promising to call him when you were home. He was incredibly confused but you’d made it clear you needed, and very much wanted to be alone.

You made it out to the curb before the first tears hit and you threw your jacket on before starting down the sidewalk. Behind you there was someone calling for you to stop. Looking over your shoulder you could see it wasn’t Loey, it wasn’t anyone familiar at all so you kept going. You weren’t in the mood for being sexually harassed tonight. He was not relenting, once you passed the second building with him still on your tail you reached into your purse and wrapped your hand around the mace you kept.

“Ma’am! Miss! Please, stop. Ma’am. Jesus Christ, would you stop?” he called behind you.

Finally nearing the end of the block, tears streaking your cheeks, you whipped around furiously. “Listen, you fucking creep, I am clearly not interested. And the fact that you’re chasing after a vulnerable, sobbing mess of a woman really goes to show what kind of sick predator you truly are. Now step back before I mace you until you are forever blinded.”

“Wow…” he said, raising his eyebrows and taking several steps back “Are you done? I’m not trying to fuck you, okay? I saw you in the bar talking to Hoseok. Are you friends with him?”

You calmed slightly, but just barely. “I thought, at the very least, but apparently I wasn’t anything to him but forgettable.”

“Um… okay.” the stranger placed his hands together in front of his mouth, trying to decide the best way to say whatever it was he was going to say. “Here’s the thing. Hoseok was in a really bad car accident. He doesn’t remember most of the last six years of his life.”

“What?” you asked, unsure of what else to even say.

“I know it sounds... nuts. I don’t know what you know about memory loss, but they said he has post-traumatic amnesia. His is a hefty cocktail of retrograde amnesia and short term memory loss.” he shrugged, “The guy doesn’t even remember he was in an accident most days.”

“Fuck,” you muttered looking over this complete stranger, “You are the most legit wingman that has ever existed, but you can go back to your friend and let him know I’m over it. I’m over him.”

“No, listen, seriously! This isn’t some joke. The only reason he remembers who I am is because we’ve been best friends since grade school. I swear on my life, if you come back tomorrow, he won’t even remember tonight happened.”

With your heart pounding against your chest, your first thought was to wonder if he’d really been in some horrible accident. Your second was how you hadn’t been there for him if he was. Tears threatened the backs of your eyes once more and you took a deep breath.

You were pretty sure you knew the answer before the question left your mouth, but you had to ask anyway to be certain. “When was it? The accident...what was the day?”

Before he even got the date out all the way, you knew it was the night Hoseok was supposed to be coming to see you. It had been over a year but that day stuck with you like it had been one of the worst days of your life. It was the beginning of the first time you’d ever had your heartbroken.

Closing your eyes, a few tears fell down your cheeks. It was a lot to take in if it was true. If it was true that meant that he hadn’t intentionally hurt you. You exhaled deeply,  “Thank you... for telling me. I have to go.”

You had already turned your back to him, more than ready to leave, when he said “Are you yeosin?”

“Excuse me?” you asked looking over your shoulder.

“Did Hoseok ever call you yeosin?”

This time you turned all the way back around as you thought back to one of the last times you’d been together.

Postcoital cuddling in his bed, tangled up in the sheets together. He’d been petting your hair, keeping you in a staring contest. Prolonged eye contact was his favorite game to play with you because it never took long for you to get too flustered to even look at him and he reveled in it. You could be anywhere. In bed or out to eat, alone or in a crowded room, it didn’t matter. He’d touch you, something small. Petting your hair, his thumb rubbing circles on your hip, running his foot against yours. Then he’d lock eyes with you and smirk while your stomach got tied up in knots, your core covered in warm honey. The easiest way to get you in the mood.

“Damn it, Hoseok!” you’d whined and then laughed, blushing as you’d finally looked away.

He’d only laughed, pulling you closer, and you’d sunk comfortably into the warmth of him, “Oh yeosin, maybe one day.”

“Why do you call me that?” you’d asked pushing his bangs off his forehead.

“Yeosin?” you’d nodded, and he’d smiled, “Because for me, that’s what you are.”

You’d rolled your eyes at his response, “That doesn’t make any sense. I’m not even your girlfriend.”

“You’re more than that. You’re my goddess, my queen.”

When you came back from the memory, his friend was still looking at you expectantly. You shook your head, “It doesn’t matter. I really need to go now.”

“Please, it does matter! If you ever cared about him at all...please, just please come back tomorrow.”

You sighed, “Maybe.”

“Okay! Maybe, I’ll take a maybe over a no.” he sounded genuinely excited, “My name is Minhyuk. Come straight to the bar tomorrow. I’ll look for you. We can talk.”

~~~

La Boucherie. You’d stood in front of the restaurant window for twenty minutes. Just eyeing the curl and flow of the cursive gold lettering that matched the lettering on the sign over the door. You weren’t even sure why you had come. Still not even positive this wasn’t some insane ruse. All day, and most of the night, you had debated on whether or not to actually show up. It would have been easy to go back and forth for the rest of your life contemplating whether or not you believed the validity of the story you were told. One thing you knew for sure though, for the last year of your life Hoseok had stayed on your mind. And even after months of anger and pain, seeing him had still made your heart race at a different pace than any of the other guys you’d tried being with after him. So you couldn’t help but think that it would be worth it to find out. For closures sake, you’d justified to yourself.

Saturday at the restaurant was just as bad as Friday or worse maybe, you’d thought walking into the thick crowd of people at the door. You told the hostess you were there to see Minhyuk and she waved you into the bar area. He was there, like he’d said, and as enthusiastic as ever. When he looked up to see you his face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. At least someone remembered you. He made you your drink of choice and practically begged you to stick around until he got a free moment to sneak away. You sat at the bar, sipping on your drink and scrolling through your phone. Minhyuk came by often to check up on you and make sure you didn’t need anything. He even made sure someone brought you an appetizer on the house. Nearly every time he passed he thanked you again for being there and for staying.

“You’re not flirting with him are you?”

You had just lifted your drink to your lips for a sip and had to actively try not to choke at the sound of his voice. You eyed him through the mirror behind the bar. He was smiling, head quirked slightly as he looked at the back of your head, waiting for you to notice him.

Dabbing your mouth with a cocktail napkin you turned to look at him. “Excuse me?”

“The bartender. You’re not flirting with him are you?” he asked and leaned against the bar between you and the guy who had been on the stool next to you.

He was so close you weren’t sure you could speak. You put your glass down slowly. “What would it matter to you if I was?”

“It’s none of my business. I know that. I just think there is something inherently wrong with the most beautiful woman in this entire building flirting with him. I felt a moral obligation to object. I say all of this with love, mind you, the guy’s my best friend.”

You placed your hand over your mouth to try and hide your smile, but the blush was already creeping over your cheeks and up your neck. He was a meal standing right in front of you. Tight back jeans ripped over the muscles in his thighs, his white button down from the night before was replaced with a black one to match the jeans. You loathed how impossibly soft, and pink his lips looked as he pouted at you slightly. Not to mention the way he was staring at you like you were the only other person in the world, forget being just the most beautiful woman in the building.

It was unfair, if this was true, you thought to yourself. If he was really standing in front of you looking like that. You knowing how good it felt to kiss those lips and at one point having been able to kiss them whenever you’d wanted. To already know the feel of his hands on your body, but be expected to do nothing about it because if he truly did have amnesia you were certain that kissing him like you wanted to now would be some form of sexual harassment. Even if he wouldn’t remember it tomorrow. Maybe even worse that he wouldn’t remember it the next day.

You gulped, “Well, who would you suggest I flirt with then?”

He raised his hand to chest, “Wow, I’m so sorry. Was I not being as obvious as I thought I was being? Beautiful, you should be flirting with me.”

“Oh, you were definitely being obvious. I just wanted to hear you say it.” you smirked and brought your drink back to your lips.    

“Good.” he held out his hand, “I’m Hoseok.”

You bit your lip, trying to read his face. Did he really not remember you? Even from last night when you’d kind of gone off on him? You placed your hand in his, the feeling was electric.

“I’m y/n.” you said a little awkwardly, thrown by having to introduce yourself to someone who knew you.

“Fitting, a beautiful name for a beautiful woman.” You suppressed an eye roll you would have given old Hoseok. “Would you mind if I sat with you for awhile?”

He still held your hand in his, his thumb rubbing gentle circles over the top. With your free hand you motioned to the now empty seat behind him. He sat down, keeping your hand, and once he was situated he locked eyes with you. It felt hard to breathe, he was the definition of breathtaking. You grew warm all over, like being showered in sunlight. Then you started to feel the all too familiar tug in your belly. The tiniest sigh fell from your lips as he continued to circle his thumb on the back of your hand. You turned away first, per usual. He chuckled lightly as you took a sip of your drink.

“Um,” you put your glass down, “The bartender...he’s your friend, you said?”

He nodded, “Best friend for many years.”

“How do you know him? Do you work here?”

“Actually, I own this restaurant. Him,” he nodded towards Minhyuk, “I met back when we were in school.”

“Oh,” you nodded. Pretending to be impressed by something you already knew was harder than you expected. “How long have you owned this place?”

“Almost six months.” he said confidently. There was a complete and total belief that what he’d said was the truth. It wasn’t. Hoseok had owned this restaurant for over seven years already.

“You’re sure we’ve never met?” you asked curiously.

“Absolutely positive. I could never forget a smile like yours. That way you blush...” he boldly brushed his thumb over your cheek, “I would never forget you.”

He stayed with you at the bar for some time playing with your hand as you tried to casually ask him questions about your past lives together. You focused on reading his face when he answered and it didn’t hurt that his face had always been one of your favorite views. You remained unsure if you were trying to catch him in a lie or were just amazed at the fact that he might have actually forgotten everything. On top of everything running through your head there was also something strangely exciting about sitting there experiencing him flirt with you again the way he had the very first time you met.

If you were being entirely honest with yourself you’d missed him. It had been so easy to be angry and to hate him when you hadn’t seen him for weeks. In your head he had turned into an evil demon monster. Having him sitting right in front of you smiling and laughing, being the sweet and funny Hoseok you remembered, it made you ache for him like you hadn’t done for months.

“Have you ever tried the curry place down on fourth avenue?” you asked. That was the place that you would always order takeout from together.

He shook his head, “No, actually I’ve never had curry before.”

He hadn’t tried curry before the two of you met, you knew that about him. Hoseok had pretty singular tastes and didn’t really stray from what he knew, but you were too adventurous to let that fly in your relationship.

“If you’re ever around there, you should go and try it. It’s really good. I think you’d like it a lot.”

“I actually live right down the road from there. We should go together.” he offered.

“Yeah I think I’d really like that.” you said with a tiny smile.

Sooner than you’d wanted he confessed he had to leave. There was work to be done and he’d already spent a lot of time fooling around with you. The two of you had talked through most of the dinner rush. Although you felt a little guilty, you wouldn’t have changed it. It worked out well anyway because almost as soon as Hoseok was gone Minhyuk had come over, ready to talk. He walked you around the corner, passed the bathrooms. There was a small room with what looked like a lot of backstock for the bar. Kegs of beer, crates of wine. Minhyuk emptied one of the crates and flipped it over, offering it to you as a place to sit.  

“He doesn’t remember anything.” you said quietly, your eyes welled up with tears instantly, the weight of it finally sinking in now that Hoseok wasn’t around to distract you.  “He doesn’t remember us at all.”

“It’s not just you.” Minhyuk said stuffing his hands in his pockets, “It’s really everything. He doesn’t remember his mom's passing. His brother’s wedding. Most days he struggles with the code to his apartment and there have been days when he couldn’t even find the apartment itself. I can’t express how hard this has been.”

“So what, you have to like babysit him?” you asked, “Does he really forget everything, everyday, like in the movies.”

“Basically. I was the only one who could really afford to pick up and leave everything else to be here for him. He was in a coma for almost seven months. I immediately took over the restaurant for him while he was out. When he woke up with the memory loss, I stuck around. He doesn’t question me being here because I actually worked with him when he first opened. Which is about where he is in his timeline, memory wise.” Minhyuk let out an exasperated sigh, “He’s mostly fully functioning now, but he does get confused. He picks up on little things here and there. Usually the more repetitive it is the better he is at remembering. Being back at work really helped. He’s been good at remembering small tasks and it’s stirred up some progress but he’s been at a bit of a standstill lately. The problem with just doing the same things over and over is there’s nothing new challenging him or stimulating his memory. ”

“How long will he be like this? Forever? Why did he regress so far back? Is that common?”

Minhyuk shook his head, “No, the doctor doesn’t think it’ll be forever, but there’s no real timeline. They don’t know why he went back so far, maybe the extent of the damage. Most people only forget until just before the accident. He, his doctor, said that a trigger would be helpful in getting him back but we hadn’t really been sure what that could be. That’s actually why I asked you to come back.”

Pushing himself off of the shelf he’d been leaning on, Minhyuk pulled a phone from his back pocket. The screen was cracked to hell and there were scratches covering every inch. Hoseok’s old phone.

He handed it to you. “You’re the only one he talked to consistently that wasn’t me or his brother. He knew both of us before that six year mark so we don’t really trigger anything new for him. We were thinking...you might be what he needs.”

“We?” you asked absentmindedly scrolling through his phone.

He’d had dozens of conversations but most of them were with vendors for the restaurant or employees requesting time off or reporting an absence.You’d always kind of thought he worked too hard, but you didn’t realize the extent of it. You didn’t realize that he didn’t have anything in his life outside of work, except you. The conversation at the top was yours. He had you in his phone as Yeosin, which you’d never known. The last message was from you to him.

If I ever see your face again, Hoseok, it’ll be too soon.

You gulped, ashamed and embarrassed at how hateful you sounded in your last messages to him. For weeks after the accident, when you thought he’d just been ghosting you. You looked up at Minhyuk ready to explain. To apologize and swear up and down that you weren’t this person.

He shrugged, “You didn’t know.”

Next you scrolled through his photos. It felt a little like an invasion of privacy but you couldn’t help yourself. It was like learning parts of him he’d kept from you before and it was fascinating. You saw his brother at different holidays and special events. A fractured timeline of his niece through the years, from infant to toddler. Pictures of things for the restaurant like invoices, inventory, and what were probably pictures for insurance.

What surprised you was that most of his pictures were of you. Hoseok didn’t do social media, he didn’t really have time. He didn’t even run the media pages for the restaurant, he’d hired someone for that. That meant you’d never gotten to see all the pictures he’d taken of you, or realized just how many the two of you had together. Out to dinner, at different events, at home. There were cute ones, silly ones, sexy ones. An entire history of your relationship. You didn't realize you were crying until tears were splashing down on the cracked screen. You wondered if you had meant more to him than you realized and he’d just never told you. Then again it wasn’t like you’d ever told him what he meant to you either. Suddenly, you were incredibly worried you would never get the chance to know for sure.

“Um, we?” you asked again wiping your face clean and handing him back the phone.

“His brother, me, the doctor.” he said, “We would have tried to get ahold of you right when it happened, but we didn’t even know about the phone until he woke up. It had been lodged in the car, they put in a box with all the other stuff they salvaged. We hadn’t even thought to open it until we realized we needed to trigger his memory. By that time...”

You let out a small laugh, “I had changed my number. I’m so sorry. Have you tried just showing him the phone?”

“Yeah, a couple times. He just got weird and cried a lot. It didn’t really help.” he shrugged, “We think you could help though. You knew him the best during the last few years. I, we, really think you could be what brings him back.”

Thinking about the man outside this room with his beautiful smile and lingering gaze, you knew there was only one option. You looked up at Minhyuk and nodded, “What can I do? I’ll do anything.”

~~~~

It was simple really. All you were asked to do was come around and see him. Come see him and let him see you. That’s what you did and you did it often. Four times a week that first month. At first it was going to the restaurant, hanging out at the bar or eating a meal alone, waiting to see if he would notice you. He did, every time without fail, notice you. Each time he would come over to where you were and confidently make a pass at you. He would offer to comp your meals and buy you drinks. Several times he’d asked for your number. You’d have to tell Minhyuk so he could go back later and delete it, knowing it would be tough to explain why you were in his phone already the next time he asked you for it.

After weeks had gone by and you’d reintroduced yourself to Hoseok for the twentieth time, you and Minhyuk decided you needed to try something else. The two of you started manufacturing casual run-ins. He’d find out where Hoseok was going to be or ask him to come out with him somewhere and tell you where to go. Grocery stores were easy locations and so were coffee shops. You’d always get a little nervous because it was so uncertain how he’d react. The restaurant was more controlled and he was always so confident there. When he saw you anywhere else he seemed almost shy and would really work for it. It was so brand new to you to see him struggle a little.

At the grocery store he’d follow behind you for awhile, gathering courage. Usually if you stood for a while pretending to read the backs of boxes he’d make his way over, pretending to need something in front of you as a way to break the ice. Coffee shops usually meant him sitting somewhere in your line of sight. He’d make big movements to try and catch your attention. Pushing out his chest, stretching out his arms, subtle flexing that left you biting your lip to keep from laughing at how ridiculous of a flirt he was. He’d test the waters by matching your gaze over the tops of his glasses until you were blushing and flustered. Then he’d come over to your table and sit down with a pleased smile offering to refresh your drink.

Everytime, no matter where you were, like a moth to a flame he would find you. At first it was the best feeling in the world. It warmed you every time he’d find you. Everytime you were in a room full of people and the first thing he noticed was you. Everytime he would find a new way to get your attention, introduce himself to you, and flirt with you made you fall a little bit more for him. Then, slowly, it became the worst feeling. It was bitter for you because even though there was clearly something there, you were stuck. You were falling deeper in love with him than you’d ever been with anyone else. You learned and relearned every part of him, and all he ever wanted was your name. It got harder and harder for you to “meet” him, feeling so hopeless, knowing it was all for nothing. Desperate for a break you’d been avoiding messages and calls from Minhyuk for days.

Too frustrated by everything you just wanted a step back. A moment of your life where Hoseok’s face wasn’t the only thing you saw or the only thing you thought about. Work was turning out to be a decent distraction for that. Especially as there was a big opening at the art gallery you worked for in the upcoming weeks that you were busy preparing for. You were actually on the phone with the caterers for the event when you heard the chime of the door opening.

“I told Bianca when we spoke last week that it was eight hundred. Minimum.” you said calmly looking up from your paperwork to the visitor. You placed your hand over the mouth of the phone before saying “I’ll be with you in just a moment.”

Everything stopped as you caught sight of him. He may have had his back to you but that didn’t change the fact that you knew it was him. There was a black beanie pulled over his hair and his ears and he was wearing a leather jacket over a pair of light jeans. There was no reason for you to know it was him from where you were positioned but you did with one hundred percent certainty. You sunk down behind the front desk and took several deep breaths. There had been no plans made with Minhyuk for this, you didn’t even remember telling him where you worked. He had never once told you to expect this.

“Ma’am, hello?” you could hear the woman from the catering company on the phone, “Are you still there?”

“Oh my god,” you hissed into the receiver, “can you please give me a minute. I need a minute.”

You grabbed your cellphone off the desk and pulled it into your lap bringing up the conversation you had with Minhyuk.

You 1:15 pm: Are you here?

It took a minute for you to see the bubble pop up with its three little dots. Or it might have been seconds, but time got strange when you weren’t functioning properly.

Min 1:16 pm: ...where?

You 1:16 pm: At my work.

You 1:16 pm: Min

You 1:16 pm: Did you send him here?

You 1:16 pm: How do you know where I work?

You 1:16 pm: Min

You 1:17 pm: Min

You 1:17 pm: EXPLAIN PLEASE

Min 1:17 pm: Who

Min 1:17 pm: Wtf r u talking about??

Min 1:17 pm: I’m at the restaurant

Min 1:17 pm: haven’t heard from u in a week...

You looked up again to see that he had moved near the back of the gallery, still just observing the art. You could see now that he was wearing his tight maroon sweater under the jacket and your eyes went wide, he looked so good there was no way this wasn’t a trap.

You 1:18pm: Ho! Seok! Hoseok is at my work right now!

The bubble appeared and disappeared four different times and then…

Min 1:19pm: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You 1:19pm: You’re a dead man Lee Minhyuk.

After the message sent you slammed your phone down on the desk and picked up the cordless phone for the gallery.

“Are you still there?” you asked hurriedly.

“Yes…”

“Okay, I’m going to have to call you back. Something super urgent came up, a fire to put out. I will call you back as soon as I can.” the woman on the other end sounded upset but you didn’t have the time to concern yourself with it.

You stood up and smoothed out your skirt before inconspicuously slipping back into the heels you’d kicked off under the desk. After several deep breaths you walked over to where he was standing. He’d been looking at a tall, nearly ten foot tall, narrow painting that you’d had in the gallery forever. He’d seen it before. He used to come in all the time to pick you up from work or to take you to lunch. When this painting came in originally he’d looked it over for a long time and said

“You’re never going to sell this.” you blinked at the Hoseok standing in front of you now, a sincere wave of deja vu crashing over you. He looked over at you and smiled, “I mean, not that I think you’re a bad salesperson it’s just who has the kind of space for it?”

It took an excruciatingly long moment for you to reply as he stood there looking at you, waiting. “Not the first time I’ve heard that. Um, unfortunately you’re not wrong. It’s been hard to move to say the least.”

“If I had somewhere to put it, I’d take it off your hands.” Not the first time you’d heard that either. He reached out his hand, “I’m Hoseok.”

“Hi Hoseok, I’m y/n. Did you need help finding something?” you asked tugging your lip between your teeth.

He shook his head, “No. I actually was just going to get lunch. I liked the way the door looked, thought I’d come inside.”

“The door… of the building?”

“Weird, right? I saw it and it just felt...familiar? Just felt like I’d been wanting to come in here for awhile, and I had the time so here I am.” he grinned. “Do you know any good places to eat around here?”

That earned him a suspicious look. He lived maybe a handful of blocks away from here and you knew his favorite ramen shop was about two streets over. “What are you hungry for?”

“What would you want? If you were going to lunch with me, what would you be hungry for?” he asked.

You crossed your arms over your chest and thought about it, “Anything I want?”

He nodded, “Anything at all.”

“Curry.” you said with a smirk waiting for a groan or a request for something else.

He made a bit of a face and then smiled, “Okay. Let’s go then.”

“What?” you asked surprised.

“Come get lunch with me.” he shrugged as if it was no big deal to ask someone you’d known for five minutes out to lunch.

“That’s bold of you. Anyway, I’m at work.” you said and looked around the empty gallery, “Alone. I can’t just leave.”

He hummed thoughtfully, “How long? How long until you’re not alone?”

“Could be hours.” you lied and looked down at your watch. Your coworker should actually have been back from her lunch twenty minutes ago.

“I’ll wait then.” he said clasping his hands behind his back and moving on to the next piece of art.

You couldn’t move, you just watched him as he walked around the gallery. Never once did he look back at you. He didn’t need to, he’d already seen the incredulous look that you’d had frozen on your face. Finally, after taking way too long to respond once again, you walked over to where he had stopped this time.

“Why would you wait that long just to have lunch with a stranger?” you asked.  

He turned to you with a small smirk on his lips, “I think you’re pretty. I also thought it was cute, the way you were trying to hide behind your desk when I came in. So I’d like to have a meal with you. Also I’ve never had curry before. I wouldn’t know the first thing about what to order, I’ll need you to come with me to tell me what’s best.”  

You scoffed, “You think you’re so charming, don’t you?”

“What, you disagree?” he laughed.

“I didn’t say that.” you blushed and looked away.

You both turned at the sound of the chime for the front door to see your coworker scurrying in. Big sunglasses on her face, big purse on her shoulder, and big phone against her ear. She had a finger raised as if to shush you before you even thought to say anything. The two of you watched her go around the desk to drop her bag off and then click clack her way to the restroom without even so much as a hello.

“Well would you look at that?” he said, “You’re not alone anymore.”

You opened your mouth to say something but thought better of it and ended up just rolling your eyes, much to his amusement. When Mina returned from the restroom she had her sunglasses on the top of her head and was just pulling her phone from her ear.

“Hey, Y/n! Soooo sorry I’m late. We had italian for lunch. I had too many bellinis and honestly the service was terrible. It’s not really even my fault I’m late.” She looked up at you finally and her eyes went wide, “Oh. My. God. Is that H-”

“Hey!” you shouted enthusiastically, “Hey, Mina. Mina...hey! Can I talk to you?”

“Sure,” she said eyeing Hoseok as you hurried over to the desk where she was standing. When you arrived she leaned in and said, “That is Hoseok, right?”

“Yes,” you said quietly.

“I can’t really blame you for going back to him, he looks…” she ran her tongue across her lip as she looked over at him. “So good.”

You sighed, “We’re going to go to lunch, so I’ll be gone for a little bit.”

She raised a dramatic eyebrow. “Oh, you think you’ll be coming back to work after. That’s so cute.”

“Mina! Please, it’s just lunch.”

“Just lunch...with that man? I don’t think so, y/n.” she said waving over at Hoseok and he nodded kindly in return, “Yeah, leave your panties here, you won’t be needing them where he’s taking you.”

“Anyway…” you said and grabbed your purse off of the desk, “I’ll be back. Hoseok, let’s go.”

He hurried to the front where you were and went to open the door for you.

“I won’t hold my breath!” Mina called in a song song as you made your way outside.

Lunch with Hoseok had been amazing. At several points you’d questioned why you had ever wanted space from him in the first place. You also realized you’d gotten so good at feigning interest in the things he’d repeatedly told you about himself as first meeting banter. The best part by far had been something new. It had been ordering Hoseok his favorite dish from the restaurant and watching his face explode in delight at the very first bite. He made you laugh so hard your cheeks ached and the two of you ate so much you thought you’d never have to eat again as long as you lived.

Afterwards he asked if you wanted to take a walk with him or if you had to go back to work right away. You didn’t want to prove Mina wrong so you sent her a quick message to let her know you wouldn’t be back that afternoon. You also found a message from Minhyuk swearing he had nothing to do with it, which you ignored. Hoseok walked the two of you down the street to the park that was across from his apartment building. You walked and talked down the bike path and around the small duck pond and then back up again. Finally you begged for the chance to sit down.

Your work heels weren’t meant for leisurely strolls, and you’d become worried they were filling with blood. Though truth be told, if he’d wanted to you would have kept walking for miles, but you were grateful that you didn’t have to. You were grateful he had found an unoccupied bench for the two of you to share. You sat there for some time, at one point the wind picked up and he threw his jacket over your shoulders to make sure you were comfortable enough to stay with him a little longer.  

“I’m really glad I walked into your work today.” he said moving a few stray hairs away from your face. The lights in the park started to turn on as the sun neared setting.

“Me too.” you agreed watching his tongue brush over his lips. This, you’d thought to yourself, would be a good moment for him to kiss you. If he didn’t you imagined you might scream out of frustration.

The two of you sat there for a little while longer, just watching each other. It didn’t have quite the intensity of his staring game, but it still left knots in your stomach. Your whole body was vibrating as you caught him eyeing your mouth. He gulped lightly and it felt like this was it. So you sat still as a statue as he leaned in, worried you might scare him off if you made any sudden movements. He was so close, nose brushing lightly against yours close. Then he pulled away.

“I’m so sorry.” he shook his head, “I don’t know why I did that. We just met, that was really out of line. I apologize.”

You sat quietly for a minute. All of your sexual frustration threatening to boil over. Little white bubbles stacking up beyond your capacity, staying put by nothing more than the grace of god. Looking at his face you knew you couldn’t yell at him, despite the urge to that was tugging at your chest. It wasn’t his fault, he didn’t know, but this wasn’t your fault either. It wasn’t fair for anyone.  

“I can’t do this anymore.” you sighed and stood up, “I can’t.”

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“I just can’t, Hoseok. I’m so sorry.” you said through trembling lips as you pulled his jacket off your shoulders.

He took the jacket from you reluctantly, “It was a mistake, I won’t try it again. We don’t have to do anything, I promise I didn’t expect anything from you. I just wanted to spend time with you.”

“That’s the problem!” you groaned in frustration, he probably already thought you were crazy. You thought you might as well get it all out so he could go to bed and forget any of it happened. “I know it’s not your fault, but you can’t possibly understand how hard it is for me to be falling so desperately in love with a man that never remembers who I am! I don’t get to kiss you or touch you like I want, like I was used to. Every day it’s like you’re meeting me for the first time and you would never want to spend time with a girl that desperate that she begs for your physical attention after the first five minutes of meeting her.”

“I…” it was clear he was already confused by everything you were saying but it was too late, you just had to get it out.

“No, I’m not done.” you said lifting your finger, “Because now it’s so much more than that. It’s more than kissing you and holding you. It’s the inside jokes that you’re on the outside of. It’s the memories that you can’t remember and feeling like maybe I made all of it up. Maybe I made us up. Worst of all...worst of all, it’s knowing in the back of my mind that maybe before all of this you could have fallen in love with me too. I could have made you love me and now I can’t even get you to remember me.”

“I don’t...I don’t know what to say.”

“No, I know. I know.” you sniffed and smiled weakly, “I’m going to kiss you. Is that okay?”

He didn’t know why it felt right but he nodded, “Yeah.”

You grabbed his face in your hands and pulled his mouth to yours. It felt so good to have his soft, full lips against yours. He pulled you close, letting you sink into his chest. It was bittersweet. Kissing him again was exactly what you remembered it could be, but that only reminded you how much it hurt to not have it all the time. You left a quick peck of a kiss and pulled back.

“I’m gonna leave. Um, I’ll call Minhyuk and let him know.” You ran your hand over his chest with a sigh, “I’m really, I’m really sorry I wasn’t...strong enough for this. I hope you get to remember.”

“Minhyuk?” he asked still dazed and very much confused, “You know Minhyuk?”

“Yeah, you should call him. He can explain everything.” you grabbed your purse off the bench and slipped on your shoes. Hoseok didn’t know what else to do but stand there and watch you. Everything you had confessed, the kiss, and his feelings on all of it still processing very slowly. When you were ready you leaned up one last time and kissed his cheek, “I really do love you, Hoseok. I wish you could remember that.”

~~~

It was lucky for you that it was the start of your weekend because when you got home and sunk into your pajamas you knew that you’d have been useless if you were forced to try doing anything beyond laying in bed watching sappy romance movies and eating ice cream a gallon at a time. You called Minhyuk to try and explain why you couldn’t do it anymore through hefty sobs but he wasn’t understanding anything you said. You ended up just texting him something of an essay that didn’t make much more sense than your verbal ramblings but you’d figured you’d tried your best and it’s all you could do.

It made you incredibly frustrated, mad, and just generally upset that you had to get over Hoseok for a second time. Part of you wished you’d never seen him again, that you didn’t know about the accident. That you hadn’t spent the last couple of months fruitlessly trying to help him get his memory back. Mostly you just wished that he would come back to you.

Sunday morning you woke up fairly early. You showered and got ready for the day like a normal human being, and made your way down the street to the grocery store. The pretense was that you were going to pick up some vegetables and fruit, something sustainable. Part of you knew all along that you were just going to get more ice cream. As you walked up the sidewalk to your apartment building you saw a familiar face. You shifted your bag of groceries in your arm as you watched Hoseok, wondering what he was doing there.

“Seriously, Minhyuk…” you muttered under your breath.

Hoseok looked completely lost, just slowly spinning around in a circle like he was looking for something specific. As you got closer to him, he stopped. You could see his Adam’s apple bob in his throat with a gulp and you wondered for the briefest moment if maybe he remembered you, if you were the something specific he’d been looking for. You kept his gaze, half expecting him to say something to you. Instead his cheeks grew a shy blush and he looked away as you passed him. Maybe not. The fact that he didn’t say anything to you only made you more curious as to why he was there if it really wasn’t for you. You walked up the few steps of the stoop and tried to juggle your groceries as you dug into your purse for your keys.

“Do you need some help?”

Even though you knew he was there, his voice still took you by surprise. You looked over your shoulder and smiled, “No, thanks. I got it.”

“Okay.” He smiled back lightly and shoved his hands in his pockets before walking down the sidewalk a little ways.

Once you got yourself inside you stopped to grab your mail. You could still see him from your mailbox, wandering around aimlessly. He looked like a sad, lost puppy and all the frustration you’d felt start to dissipate yet again. You let out a long deep sigh as you realized that it was never going to be over for you, not when it came to him.

Leaving your groceries on the shelf in front of the mailboxes you walked over to the door and pushed it open. “Do you need help with something?”

Hoseok spun around with a bright smile on his face. “I don’t know.”

Your eyebrows knit together in confusion. “What?”

“Um…” he looked around the street once more and then jogged the short way to your stoop. “I don’t know what I’m doing here. You ever get the feeling you’re supposed to be somewhere but once you get there you’re not sure what you’re there for?”

“Literally never...done that” You laughed.

“I know it sounds crazy.” He shook his head and looked back up at you, meeting your gaze but this time with more confidence. “I woke up this morning and I knew that I had to be here, that it was important that I come here.”

You gulped, “Like right here, to this spot?”

“I didn’t know, not it first. It was more general. I’ve been walking around this neighborhood all morning and then when I got to this street I just knew I was close and then I got to that light post over there and...can’t figure out where I’m supposed to go. But I know this is approximately where I need to be. I haven’t been able to figure out why. It feels familiar but nothing looks familiar. Does that make sense?”

“Why did you feel like you needed to come here?” You asked leaning against the doorframe.

His smile faltered slightly. “I felt bad, I think. Guilty maybe, like I needed to make something right. My heads been weird lately. I thought I’d know when I got here.”

“Well…” you sighed, had he really come all this way to make up with you without even knowing it? Or were you just reading too far into it? “If you’ve been outside all morning you should come in for awhile and warm up. You don’t want to get sick. I can make you some tea.”

“Really?” He asked, looking thrilled at the idea, “You’d do that for a stranger?”

You let out a small laugh, “Yeah...I’d do that for a stranger. Come on, I’m letting all the hot air out.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much.” he said slipping inside of the building. He watched as you got your mail, you’d been too distracted by him to do it before. Then he snatched up your bag of groceries before you could, “I’ll carry them. It’s the least I could do.”

“I guess, if you really want to.” you grinned walking over to the stairs.

“I’m Hoseok, by the way.”

You let out a little hum and nodded, “Nice to meet you, Hoseok. I’m y/n.”

Inside your apartment you brought the groceries to the kitchen and told Hoseok to make himself at home as you started the water for the tea. As you waited for the water to heat up you peeked around the corner of the kitchen and watched him as he scoped out your living room. He looked cozy in his old, oversized, black hoodie and a pair of gray sweatpants. You let yourself imagine, just for a moment, how nice it would be to get back into your pajamas and curl up on the couch with him. Luckily the whistle of your tea kettle woke you from your fantasy and you slipped back into the kitchen.

When you came back into the living room with the tea he was sitting in front of your record collection, flipping through the old vinyls. He looked up at you with a smile, “This is really cool.”

You handed him one of the cups and sat down on the floor with him, “It was mostly inheritance from my dad. I’ve picked up a handful here and there, but it was mostly his thing.”

“Can I put something on?” he asked hopefully.

“Sure.” you shrugged and while he flipped through the records you crawled over to the couch and started tossing throw pillows onto the floor in front of the record player.

After you crawled back over you laid on your back with your head on one of the pillows and closed your eyes. You weren’t entirely surprised when the first song started to play. It was one he’d played often when he came over to your place before. A well worn compilation of vintage soul songs, it had been your dads favorite record too. Hoseok laid down on his stomach, tucking a pillow under his chest, and held the tea you’d made in his hands.

When you opened your eyes he was looking down at you with a curious smile, “Is this okay?”

“This is really nice. I like it.” you nodded.

You watched him for awhile as he bobbed his head and moved his shoulders to the beat of the songs, taking sips every now and then of the tea in his hands. He looked happy and content. You thought to ask him what he was thinking about but didn’t want to bother him. When he was warm from the tea he moved his pillow so that he could rest his head on it. Then you watched each other quietly as the music played in the background.  

“Did you ever figure out what you came here for?” you asked.

He smiled shyly and turned his face into the pillow for a second before looking back at you, “Yeah, I think I did.”  

~~~

Minhyuk smirked when he saw you walk into the bar that evening. Without offering you a greeting he started making your usual drink as you found a seat.

“I see you changed your mind.” He said sliding the glass in front of you. “That didn’t last long at all.”

You gulped down a mouthful of the drink and placed your glass back on the bar. “Don’t boast, it doesn’t suit you.”

“What changed your mind?” He asked leaning against the bar top.

“Hoseok.” You answered simply.

“Speaking of, he’s not here tonight. He’s off today.”

“Yeah, I know. I saw him earlier. We spent a couple of hours together.” You cleared your throat, “That’s why I’m here to see you, we need to talk. Something is changing with him.”

“Something good or something bad?”

“Good. I think.” You said, “He came to me today.”

“He usually does make the first move.”

“No, he found me. I didn’t seek him out or make myself available to him somewhere. I got home from the store and he was standing in front of my apartment. He had no idea why he was there, but he came to me. If you really didn’t send him to my work like you say you didn’t, that means it’s the second time this week he’s done that.”

“Hold that thought.” he said and moved down the bar to the customer that had just sat down.

You wondered what it meant, if it was possible it meant that he was getting more memories back. How could he have known where to go if it weren’t for some subconscious memory trying to make its way to the surface. If that was the case then it meant there was finally a sliver of hope that you could hang onto and that’s all you’d really needed all along. A vision of a light at the end of the tunnel.

“Okay.” Minhyuk said sliding back over to you, “I want to get into the Hoseok thing, that’s important, but I also need you to clarify what the hell you were talking about the other day when you said you were done. Can you tell me now without crying? Hoseok seemed to think you were, I don’t know, the way he described it just sounded like you were horny, to be honest.”

Your cheeks burned red as he smirked at you. “No… that’s not… not exactly. I mean, okay, yes. I am… horny or whatever, but it was more than that. It is more than that. I have feelings for him and he can’t have feelings for me because he can’t even remember me. And yes, sometimes I want to kiss him and more-”

Minhyuk snorted, “Kiss him and more. Are you five?”

“Shut up.” you rolled your eyes, “I want more from him but everyday is the first day we’ve met for him and there’s no good way to try sleep with someone an hour after you’ve met.”

“You’ve spent all this time with him and never asked him to smash?”

“No!” you gasped, mortified, “Total time, yes we’ve spent a lifetime together, but he doesn’t know that. From his point of view every time we meet it’s the first time and it’s only for like three or four hours max. No one is just going to ask a stranger to have sex with them a few hours after they’ve met.”

He scoffed, fully amused at your assumption. “Uhhh, false. Guys will. Guys will have sex with women within minutes of meeting them.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“Men are disgusting and I’m a man, so you’re not wrong.” he shrugged and leaned against the bar. He knocked his knuckles against the wood rhythmically as he thought. “How many dates did you go on before you guys originally hooked up?”

“Well,” you flushed slightly. “It was...the first...date.”

He raised his eyebrows at you, “Then what’s the issue? Just make a move already.”

“It was different that day!” you argued. “We met early in the morning and ended up spending all day together. We were with each other for over twelve hours by the time we got to his place. So it was like we’d gone on three dates, just all at one time”

“Okay, then just do that again.” he said as if it was the obvious answer, “It’s not like we haven’t fabricated all of your other dates.”

“This one we can’t. The day we met we were both going to a festival. That’s why it worked out the way it did. It’s not like there are festivals happening all day everyday just because I need one.“

“Festival?” Minhyuk asked looking suspicious. “What kind of festival was this?”

“Just a music festival down by River Park.”

“Bullshit,” he laughed, “Hoseok would never go to a music festival. He hates that crap. He doesn’t even like to go to regular concerts. He thinks they’re a waste of time and money.”

“Well I don’t know what to tell you. He was there with me all day.”

“Who mentioned this festival first, you or him?” he asked, clearly not letting it go.

“I don’t know, it was like four years ago!” you said shaking your head, but then you realized you did remember. “It was me. I was wearing  some dumb outfit and he said ‘looks like you’re going somewhere fun’ and I told him about the festival, it’s how we started talking actually.”

“Hoseok, you sly dog.” Minhyuk grinned, “I’d bet a million and a half dollars he didn’t even know about the festival until he met you.”

You shook your head in denial, “He had a ticket.”

“A ticket he could have purchased online, day of the event, using his phone?” your face scrunched in confusion. “It didn’t seem weird to you that he was going alone or not meeting anyone there?”

“Not at all, because I was going to go by myself before I met him that day.”

Minhyuk stopped and looked at you for a long while. It was like he was looking at you for the first time. You squirmed uncomfortably under his lingering gaze. You reached over the bar and grabbed an olive before throwing it at him. “Oh my god, what?

“I can’t believe it took me so long to realise it. It’s so clear, everything makes so much more sense now.”

“What is clear? Make your weird little brain make sense to me!” you complained.

“Hoseok was in love with you from day fucking one.” he chuckled to himself, “It’s why he always finds you. Subconsciously he has to remember. I knew, I knew all we needed was you. We just have to figure out what to do with it.”

“In love with me? Are you kidding? We weren’t even dating.”

“You went to dinner together. You watched movies together. You went to festivals together. You made him dinner and he bought you birthday presents. Oh, and you had sex regularly...What the hell do you call that?”

“Nothing!” you argued, “We didn’t call it anything. That was the point. We didn’t have time for dating and feelings. We were just friends with benefits.”

“Well.” Minhyuk sighed, “We learned two things today. One piece of good news, one piece of bad news.

“Yeah, what’s that?” you asked taking a drink.

“Bad news is you’re a totally useless idiot. Good news is I wasn’t the last one on earth to figure out you two were in fact dating and also in love with each other.”

You rolled your eyes yet again, your favorite thing to do when Minhyuk was around really, “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Get your head in the game, y/n!” he said reaching over the bar and dramatically strangling the the air in front of your neck, “He’s in love with you, you’re in love with him. Let’s figure out how to fix this mess!”

~~~

Your hands were shaking as you stood in line for coffee at your favorite cafe. It had taken Minhyuk all of ten minutes to come up with a plan and even though you weren’t sure it was going to work you also didn’t have any better ideas. It also wouldn’t hurt to try considering Hoseok would just forget by tomorrow if everything went to hell. He was standing in line ahead of you getting his coffee, his phone pressed between his shoulder and his ear. You said a silent prayer as he thanked the barista and turned around to leave.

“I’m literally right across the street. It doesn’t make sense for me to not come in today.” He was still on the phone, with who you knew was Minhyuk. As he got closer you took a deep breath and stepped to the side just a few inches. His shoulder crashed into yours. There was the sound of a splash and then he said, “Shit, Min. I gotta go.”

You turned towards him and touched his forearm lightly, “Oh my god, are you okay? I’m so sorry!”

He looked from your hand to your face where he stared for quite some time, just blinking at you. “No. Yeah! I’m fine, did I get you with my coffee?”

“Um,” you looked down at your outfit, “My shoes a little but that’s okay. I’m really sorry.”

“Please,” he shook his head, “It was entirely my fault. I was on my phone, not paying attention.”

“Even still, please let me get you another coffee. Do you have a minute to wait with me?”

Hoseok looked down at the phone in his hand, Minhyuk had said not to come in today, that he wasn’t needed. Looking back up at you he smiled, “Yeah. I have all day actually.”

“Awesome!” You beamed, “I’m going to go get something to clean this up with. Stay here for just a minute, save our place in line?”

“Of course.”

You let out a deep breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding as you stepped away. Phase one of Minhyuk’s plan was right on track.

According to Minhyuk phase one was equal to the first date. A “meet cute at the coffee shop” he’d called it. You were impressed at how everything had happened exactly like he said it would. After the mess was cleaned up and you bought Hoseok his new coffee you asked if he’d wanted to sit with you awhile and he was thrilled by the idea. Four hours of effortless conversation passed. Part of you didn’t even want to move on to phase two, you’d been so happy with how phase one was turning out. Even if you would have been fine joking around and laughing with him in that cafe for four more hours, you moved on with the plan.

Phase two, or date two, was the fall festival down at the park where the original music festival had been. Minhyuk had found out about it after thirty seconds of googling and made a terrible joke about how you’d been wrong when you said there weren’t festivals whenever you needed them. It wasn’t the same exact thing as your first first date, but it could still be a lot of fun if he agreed to it.  You asked Hoseok if he’d heard about the festival and when he said no you asked, ‘even though you’d just met’, if he wanted to go check it out with you. He agreed immediately and the two of you walked down to River Park. A true gentleman, he bought your entrance ticket but you only let him do it after he promised to let you buy him a corndog.

For hours you walked around the festival. You did some people watching, lots of judging and even more laughing. You got on some sketchy looking festival rides and felt grateful every time you walked off of them in one piece. And you ate way too much fried food. Your latest culinary decision had been a pumpkin spice funnel cake and a hot chocolate. Hoseok drank hot apple cider while eating his second corndog of the day. His was a combination you couldn’t get behind entirely, but he seemed to be enjoying it and you loved to see the smile on his face.  

As the two of you walked down the midway you tore a piece of your funnel cake and held it up to his mouth, “So good, try it.”

You bit your lip as he leaned forward and wrapped his lips around your fingers before sucking the treat into his mouth. He hummed as you pulled your hand away, “There’s so much delicious, horrible food here and I must eat it all. Why?”

“I don’t know,” you laughed, taking another bite, “Isn’t it the best?”

“Oh! Oh! Oh!” he pointed enthusiastically across the way from where you were standing to one of those balloon and dart games. “There. We have to go over there.”

You groaned, “Those are just money traps. Let’s go to the fun house!”

“After.” he said grabbing your wrist and pulling you across the crowded midway with determination.

Very politely he asked you to hold his apple cider and you obliged. He shoved the rest of his corndog in his mouth, and was standing with it bulging from his cheek as he dug out his wallet. You watched as he exchanged his cash for three darts. In a manner that was all too serious for you he took his stance. His tongue was sticking out of the side of his mouth as he eyed one of the balloons. One out of three balloons had popped, winning him a tiny plastic toy. Apparently that wasn’t what he wanted because he pulled out more cash from his wallet and exchanged it for more darts.  

It was clear after sometime that you were not going to be leaving that game until he got whatever it was he was after. In the time it was taking you finished your funnel cake and neither of you had a drink left. You’d even left at one point to find a trash, found a clown making balloon animals and purchased a balloon crown. When you finally came back he was still going and you put the crown on his head and told him it was good luck. There was a growing pile in front of him of very cheaply made, small and medium toys. Things were getting tense as he was down to his last few bills.

“What are you even after?” you asked curiously as he received another bunch of darts.

“You’ll see.” he took his first shot, the dart bursting through a red latex balloon. He got the second one too, blue balloon bits exploding with a pop! With a contemplative sigh he looked over at you and asked very seriously, “Yellow or green?”

“Green.” you answered quickly and confidently.

He focused ahead and took a deep breath before throwing the last dart. The point of the dart blasted through the green latex balloon and you couldn’t help but scream out in excitement. You laughed as Hoseok turned and lifted you off the ground to spin you around.

“You did it!” you exclaimed as he put you back down.

“Great,” the carny said with much less enthusiasm. “Toad or bunny?”

“Bunny.” He smiled, leaving his arm around your hip as he waited for his prize.

Both of you watched as the carny grabbed his long hooked stick and hoisted it into the mess of stuffed toads and bunnies above his head. He gave it a little jiggle and the huge bunny in his little velvet vest with his tiny bowtie tumbled from the sky.

“All of this because you wanted a bunny?” You asked shaking your head.

“No.” He handed you the bunny and smiled, “I don’t need a bunny, I am a bunny. The bunny is for you so can take him home and think of me when you see him.”

Your mouth fell in awe and amusement. He was such an incredible flirt and you weren’t sure when you’d started taking that for granted. Giving the bunny a tight squeeze you remembered that he had in fact told you he was a bunny when you’d first met and that he’d said to be gentle with him. At the time you’d thought he was just joking, but you’d been learning more and more that despite his manly physique he was the softest, sweetest man you’d ever met.  

“You’re keeping all of them?” You asked genuinely surprised as he scooped up the whole stack of smaller prizes in his arm.”

“No, not keeping them, but I did pay for them”  he looked over at you and smiled, pleased by the way you were holding onto the stuffed bunny. “Fun house?”

As you made your way down the midway once more, headed towards the fun house, you watched him as he passed out his stack of prizes to kids he saw along the way until his arms were empty. When that was done he threw his freed arm over your shoulder and you blushed into your fluffy, oversized gift. Phase two - second date, was going flawlessly.

~~~

With your arms wrapped tightly around your bunny you stood face to face with Hoseok in front of the exit gates of the festival. People were swarming around you as they tried to leave. Broke teenage couples that spent too much money cheap trinkets and rides all day, parents with pink cheeked toddlers crashed out against their shoulders. You tugged your lip between your teeth, it was time to initiate phase three - date three.

“So…” you said slowly, this was the one you were least certain he’d agree to.  “I know it’s late and we’ve already spent all day together. You’re probably tired of me and want to go home but...my friend is spinning at a club a few blocks away. If you’re at all interested in spending even more time with me, I can get us in. No wait, no cover, maybe free drinks?”

“Ummm.” you were trembling, so nervous he was going to say no. “I was actually trying to think of an excuse to spend more time with you myself, so I would love to go.”

“Oh.” you sighed with relief. You felt warm all over despite the chill of the fall air. “Well, good.”

Before the two of you even got passed the gates he’d scooped up your hand in his and you led him the few blocks to the busy club. There was a line that wrapped around the corner of the building of people waiting to get into the club, but you dragged Hoseok, and Bunho, who Hoseok had named for you, to the front of the line. You dropped your name and were let in without a seconds worth of waiting. You could still hear the groans of the line outside as you walked into the building.

Inside the club was packed from wall to wall. You squeezed Hoseok’s hand as you led him to the DJ booth, laughing to yourself as people stared at the giant stuffed bunny in your arms. In the booth you were greeted by your old friend Hyungwon. He’d met Hoseok before plenty of times but you weren’t worried about him remembering as he met hundreds of people a night and was usually already tipsy before his sets even started. If you didn’t meet him outside of a club he was never going to remember you. After giving Hoseok a friendly handshake, Hyungwon wrapped his arms around you in a tight hug as a greeting and told you how happy he was you could make it. He handed over two neon green wristbands that were good for free drinks at the bar, and he promised to take care of Bunho in the booth while you had fun.

“Will you dance with me?” You asked against Hoseok's ear  once you were on the crowded dance floor.

He looked so tense, but he nodded in agreement anyway. You tried several different moves in an attempt to get him to loosen up but you could tell he wasn’t feeling it yet.

Remembering the wristbands you put one in his wrist and the other on yours before shoving him to the bar. There the two of you indulged in several shots of top shelf tequila and a couple of mixed drinks. Within no time at all you both were in the best of spirits and you couldn’t shake the urge you had to dance. You asked again if he wanted to dance and this time he nodded enthusiastically

He held your hips as you both made your way back to the dance floor. It was a tight fit all around but you found a decent spot near the back where there was actually enough space to move. His cheeks and the tips of his ears were pink from the alcohol as he danced with you in the crowded club. You were glad he’d finally loosened up and seemed to be having fun.

You danced for what felt like hours and you wanted nothing more than to keep going. The pair of you jumped around, arms flailing recklessly through the air. He grabbed your hand and twirled you around under his arm several times.

Then he spun you out and pulled you back into his arms. Your heart was pounding in your chest, your chest pressed against his. Both of you were short of breath. Everyone around you kept dancing while he held you close. Not moving, not speaking, barely breathing. Your fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt and you leaned in just slightly, testing the waters. He leaned towards you, until your sweaty foreheads were pressed together. Your eyes hadn’t left his lips, but you were hesitating and you were sure why.

“Are you gonna kiss me or what?” He grinned.

That was the invitation you’d apparently needed. Pulling on his shirt you tugged him that half an inch closer until your lips were pressed together. You smiled against his mouth. Really pressing yourself into him, you lifted your hands from his chest to his hair. His tongue brushed against your mouth and you let him in. You tried not to cry as you thought about how this was happening. Not some sad pity kiss in the park. A kiss you both wanted and were clearly enjoying. It felt so damn good. One of his hands slid up your back and cupped the back of your neck. You thought for a moment how you’d be okay doing this and only this for the rest of your life.

That only lasted until Hoseok pulled away from your lips and leaned close to your ear to whisper, “Do you want to get out of here?”

That one single question had an implication that left fireworks going off in the pit of your stomach.

~~~

The walk back to Hoseok’s place wouldn’t have taken that long. Even still he hailed the first cab he saw once you were out on the sidewalk outside of the club, not wanting to waste any more time. He’d pulled you into his lap in the backseat where you kissed the entire ride. In the elevator ride you stood on opposite sides. He held onto the bar behind him as he smiled over at you, anxiously tapping his leg. You peeked at him from between Bunho’s big ears, squeezing the bunny close to your chest. You couldn’t help but giggle at the feeling of anticipation running through you.

Once the elevator opened Hoseok was blasting passed you through the door, gripping your wrist tightly and leading you down the long hallway. You said a silent prayer that he’d get the code right the first time and almost cheered out loud when he did. Finally inside, your purse and giant stuffed bunny were left by the wayside as he pulled your hips towards his own.

His hands slid down your ass and backs of your legs until he’d hooked his arms around your legs to pull them around his waist. You had released several moans into his mouth. The way your body was reacting to his made you feel like he might as well already be inside you. You were feverish, and aching all over for more of him. So close to the release you’d been needing.

“You gotta…” he panted, pulling away from you slightly, “stop making that noise. My jeans are already too tight for that.”

“I can't stop.” You groaned again. Your hands fisted his hair. He let out some guttural noise and pulled away again gasping for air. And you whined, “God, I fucking missed you.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” You whispered against his ear before pulling it between your teeth, the way you knew he liked. His whole body shuddered and he slammed your back against the wall for leverage to keep from dropping to his knees. You dropped your legs from his waist to give him a break and he pressed his freed palms against the wall beside your head.

“How are you real?” He questioned as he rested his head against your neck, gasping desperately for air.

“Maybe I’m not.” You panted out your own reply.

“Okay..” he sighed, “I gotta get to that bed.”

Hooking his arms around your thighs he lifted you back up around his waist. You cupped his face in your hands, sucking his swollen lips between yours fervently while he danced the two of you the rest of the way down the hall. The mattress took you by surprise when he dropped you onto it. Hoseok stayed standing. You watched, your tongue passing over your lips, as he stepped back and unbuttoned his shirt before untucking it from his jeans.

You wanted to scream with excitement at the sight. It was really happening, after months and months. First months of thinking he’d just abandoned you. And then the ones you’d spent trying to get him to remember you. It was about to happen, you were here again with him and everything felt somewhat normal. Felt like it had before, when it was you and him, and everything was good.

When you focused back on him you realized he’d gotten down to just his tight black underwear and you gulped at the defined bulge. Feeling impatient you stood up, grabbed his face in your hands, and kissed him hard. He whimpered when you drug your nails down his chest.

“Sit down.” You muttered into his lips, “It’s my turn.”

He sat on the end of the bed and watched you with a giant, beautiful smile on his lips. You pulled your shirt over your head and immediately his eyes were wide. With a little chuckle, feeling quite proud of yourself, you unbuttoned your shorts and dragged them down your legs. When you stood back up Hoseok had his hand on his chest.

“I can’t…” he looked at you with wonder, “I can’t breathe.”

“Please, I’m not that special.” You laughed, thinking he was joking.

He shook his head, “No..I...I don’t know.. I can’t-“

“Hoseok…” you stepped forward and grabbed his shoulders. He looked like he was having a legitimate panic attack. “Oh my god.”

He grasped at you with both hands pulling you forward by your hips. He pressed his cheek against your bare stomach and begged you, “Hold me. Hold-hold me, please.”

Hunching over you wrapped an arm tight around his shoulders, and with the other you massaged his head. “I’ve got you. You’re okay. Just breathe, I’m right here.”

It took a couple of  minutes for him to stop shaking, a little longer after that for his breathing to be steady, and then he was back to normal. He threw his head back and looked up at you. He looked so embarrassed, “I swear that’s never happened before.”

“Are you okay? What happened?” You asked placing a gentle palm against his flushed cheek.

“I saw you and...it’s so cheesy...I guess you just took my breath away.” He sighed, “It was something else though. I can’t explain it right, you won’t get it. I know we just met and this is the first time I’ve ever seen you like this but there was this overwhelming… it was like flashes of you, in front of me like you were but not now, not this moment. It wasn’t deja vu. It was like memories.”

You bit your lip unsure of how to handle what was happening. No one had told you what to do if his memory started to return like this. Were you supposed to explain everything to him? Risk him having another panic attack. If he had questions you weren’t sure you’d have the answers. “Should we stop?”

“God no.” He muttered, he was looking up at you with big doe eyes. “I mean, I don’t want to stop, but if I made you uncomfortable…”

You held out your hand to him and when he took it you pulled him to his feet. You planted a kiss against his lips before dropping to your knees. His eyebrows raised in pleasant surprise. As he stood before you, you tugged his black underwear from his hips, dragging them down his legs. He was already fully erect, his tip glistening.

Moving your hands back up his legs you could feel what you thought was scarring. You wondered if he even knew it was there, how often did someone look at the backs of their own legs. Trying your best to be inconspicuous you leaned in close to his hip and left a soft kiss. From that angle, looking down, you could see the scar. It looked pink and fresh, starting at his hip and following the length of his leg all the way to his ankle.

You rested your forehead against the top of his thigh, trying to keep yourself composed. Every reminder that you could have lost him for good had a bad habit of nearly breaking your heart.

His fingers traced you jaw to your chin and he lifted your face to look at his. “Are you okay? Do you want to stop?”

You shook your head and gave him a small smile, “Hoseok...you’re so beautiful.”

He tried to play it off but you could see very clearly on his face how much he appreciated the praise. You leaned back on your heels. And ran your hands down his inner thighs. He shuddered underneath your touch. Wrapping your hand around his length you leaned forward and swirled your tongue slowly around the tip. You grinned, seeing the muscles in his abdomen clench from the small action.

After one more teasing swirl, you took him into your mouth completely. Hands gripping his hips, you looked up at him through batted lashes. His breathing was tense already, and you wondered what he was thinking about as you sucked your cheeks in. You would have never guessed how desperately he was begging himself not to explode in your mouth after only a minute of your lips wrapped around him. He didn’t know why he was so sensitive, he didn’t know it had actually been a year since the last time he’d had sex.

He palmed your cheek as you bobbed back and forth along his length. Your tongue swirling around him simultaneously and you offered the perfect amount of teeth. The slightest dragging sensation that made his eyes roll back. Professional, was all he could think to himself as he gasped helplessly above you. You watched the heave of his chest, paired with the trembling if his thighs under your hands, and you knew he was close. He closed his eyes and you though for a second this was it.

Instead he pulled his hips away from you and panted out, “Stop. Wait. Fuck.”

“Are you okay?” You asked still concerned over his reaction earlier.

“Yeah I just…” he didn't know how to, or really want to, try and explain the comedic way he was imagining his orgasm would look. Feeling like he was going to blast out like a firehose, spraying your face relentlessly. You running away terrified. Him never seeing you again.

“Hoseok?”

“Just...come here.” He said with a smile and helped pull you to your feet. He kissed across your cheek and down your neck before whispering against your earlobe, “I want to taste you.”

That was a good enough reason for you. An anticipatory groan fell from your lips with such gusto that you felt embarrassed, wishing you could somehow take it back. However, Hoseok loved how much you wanted him back. With his hands on your hips he spun you around so your legs were backed against the bed. He kissed down your neck, across your collarbone and over your shoulder. His hands moving around you for just a moment before you were released from your bra.

You wanted to say something about the ease with which he removed your bra but the dark look in his eyes as he leaned back and slipped your straps from your shoulders left you incapable of saying anything at all. Your lip trapped between your teeth as he leaned forward once more to kiss and suck at the sensitive skin. His mouth left a moist trail all the way down your abdomen to the elastic band of your lace panties. His fingers hooked onto them on both sides of your hips and he tugged until you were completely naked in front of him.

“Sit.” He commanded. You did so easily, your legs bordering on the consistency of jello as it were. He knelt down in front of the edge of the bed and m propped your knees open in front of him. You were leaning back on your elbows, watching him as he dragged his fingers along your sex and smirked, “Hey, y/n…”

“What?” You asked breathlessly.

“You’re so beautiful.” Still smirking he leaned forward and buried himself in you.

Your arms fell weak and you crashed back against the bed as he worked you with his mouth. Just the swirl and dip of his tongue, and the way his lips wrapped around your clit, it was all you needed. In just minutes you were so close. And then he slipped his finger inside of you, then suddenly it was two pressing deep and curling as he pulled them out.

“Hoseok,” you gasped, “I-“

You couldn’t speak, you could barely breathe. Not much more than a mess beneath his touch. With a whimper you reached between your legs, running your fingers through his hair. Your toes curled and your back arched against the sheets. Eyes rolling back, you gushed around his fingers and onto his lips. The sound he made as he lapped up your orgasm nearly had you coming a second time.

When he was done he moved on to the bed, between your legs, crawling up your body until your lips were clashing together. You ran your hands up his back, your fingertips tracing the muscles in his shoulders. Pulling away from your lips he shuddered and leaned back in to kiss down your neck, his lips sucking greedily at your clavicle. Goosebumps raised across your skin from the gentle way he dragged his fingers over your body.

“Please,” you begged with a gulp. It was too much. He was too much.

You opened your hips beneath him as further invitation. He pushed himself up further, to get a better look at you. He ran his hand over your cheek and dipped his tongue out over his lips. His dark bangs were hanging away from his face and when he looked at you, you could have sworn he knew you. Not just knew you today, but knew you deeper than that. It was like he knew you were his. It took every ounce of self-restraint you had in your body not to tell him then and there how much you loved him.

He reached down between your legs and keeping your eyes locked with his he fitted himself against you. “You’re sure?”

“Positive.”

Your head fell back as he eased inside of you, the feeling was euphoric on a hundred different levels. His forehead pressed against your neck, and tiny grunts escaped his lips. You dug your nails into skin of his shoulders and dragged them down his back.

“God...damn” he gasped before digging his teeth into your skin.

“Over.” you said against his neck.

He rolled over on the mattress, taking you with him. You pushed yourself up, sitting back against his thighs. His hair was a mess and you were sure yours was even worse off. After some slight adjustment you sunk back down onto him and satisfied with the fill you sighed and looked down at him. As your hips rounded on him you moved your hands over his chest. The dip of his collarbones, the rise of his pecs. His hands gripped your thighs so your eyes followed his arms. Fingers to strong hands, hands to tightly flexed forearms, forearms to bulging biceps, and then just his smiling face looking up at you like you were everything.

“What?” he asked as you let out a small half laugh, half moan.

You shook your head, “Nothing, it’s so stupid.”

He moved his hands up to your hips to make sure you kept your pace as he lifted his own hips up until you were gasping from the fill. “Tell me.”

“It’s just,” you blushed from embarrassment, “you’re so sexy.”

He shook with laughter beneath you and the vibrations left you whimpering. You laughed at the sensation of it and he laughed with you.

You fell forward and giggled through tiny gasps, “Stop...laughing,”

“Why?” he asked, “It feels so good.”

“I know, but I’m gonna cum, and it’s not funny.” you groaned as he chuckled again.

“You’re right,” he said and your stomach tightened at the way he dropped the smile from his face. He moved his hand between your thighs and circled his finger against your clit, “I will take your orgasms very seriously from now on.”

“Oh. Oh my god!” your eyes blew wide as you hit your second orgasm for the night, “Hoseok, fuck!”

He squeezed his eyes shut, his nose scrunched up and he bit his lip as the pulsing from your orgasm brought him to his own. Breathless and exhausted you rested against his chest. You could have fallen asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

~~~

That night you didn’t let yourself fall asleep next to Hoseok, even though a big part of you wanted to. The winning part of your mind couldn’t stop imagining how terrible the next morning would go when he woke up with a stranger in his bed. Especially after the breakdown he’d already had, you just weren’t sure how he’d handle it. So that night you made up some excuse about needing to be up early the next day and went home with just Bunho to keep you company. Then you did it again. Three more times. Three more day long dates with Hoseok that ended in some of the best sex you’d ever had in your life. Each time you ended up being too afraid to stay for fear of what might happen the next morning, despite the fact that every time he’d asked you to stay.

After the fifth daylong date you found yourself dozing off. You’d been laying with your head on his chest, and he was running his fingers over your bare skin. He’d been humming a song for a while, though you couldn’t figure out which one it was. All you knew was that it was soothing. Hitting that moment when you’re just about to truly fall asleep your eyes flew open.

“I really need to get out of here.” you sighed, pushing yourself up and out of his arms.

“What? No, why?” he asked grabbing your hand, “Stay with me, I don’t mind.”

“I can’t.” you looked over at him almost annoyed at how effortlessly handsome he was being. How effortlessly handsome he always was. “You won’t want me here in the morning.”

“Why? What happens in the morning?” he asked brushing your cheek with his thumb.

“Nothing, you’ll just change your mind.”

You sank back down onto the pillow next to his and looked over at him. You didn’t want to leave, and were less worried now that you were feeling wide awake. He placed his hand against your cheek. He locked eyes with you and you couldn’t look away. His face was so serious, the slightest pout on his pink lips. Your heart was beating impossibly fast.

“Stop.” you said gently, trying to match his calm energy.

“Stop what?” he asked raising a single eyebrow, looking almost innocent.

“Looking at me with your face.” he laughed and you felt yourself sink further into the bed at the sound. “Looking at me like you know my soul.”

“You think I don’t?” he asked seriously, quirking his head to the side slightly. “You don’t feel it?”

Tingles shot across every inch of your bare skin. “Feel what?”

“Feel like you’ve known me forever? I feel like I know you already.” he dropped his hand from where it had been cupping your face to your hand and squeezed your fingers, “Stay. Please?”

“Okay,” you agreed, “but only until you fall asleep and then I’m taking off.”

He smiled, pleased with himself, and moved his hand under the sheets. “Are you challenging me to an all nighter?”

“Hoseok!” you shrieked with laughter, feeling his fingers slip between your thighs. You shoved his shoulder but the action barely moved him.

“Come on.” he said leaning close, burying his nose in your neck, “Let me work you so hard you can’t even feel your legs. Then you’ll have to stay with me.”

You let out a half laugh, half groan. Laugh because of the way his breath tickled all the way down your throat, and groan from the feeling of his fingers slipping inside of you, slowly.

With a weak conviction you choked out, “You can try...I guess, but it won’t work.”

Hoseok’s stamina hadn’t been something you’d considered. His plan had worked and you fell asleep while you were still in his arms after the second round of the night.

Shocked was an understatement of how he felt the next morning as he woke up with his arms around you. For a moment he didn’t recognize you, he didn’t remember bringing anyone home or what he’d done the night before that could have lead him forgetting everything that brought him to this moment. A groan fell from your lips as if, even in your sleep, you could tell he wasn’t close enough anymore. You rolled over so that the two of you were face to face and your hand found his waist under the sheets. He was wide eyed and anxious, as he looked down at you, afraid you were going to wake up and he wasn’t going to know you.

Slowly and quietly, in hopes that he wouldn’t wake you, Hoseok brushed the hair away that had fallen in your face. His breath caught in his chest as he started to remember, a smile spread slowly across his face. He leaned in and pressed a kiss against the exposed skin of your neck, then another and another until you were squirming beneath him.

“What are you doing?” you groaned as his lips tickled your neck.

“I’m awake, y/n. I need attention.” he whined.

Not ready to wake up, you kept your eyes closed as you moved your hand up the warmth of his back. The sheets were so soft and his hands were so strong, gripping your hip. Everything felt so normal. Hoseok was awake and he remembered who you were.

Hoseok was awake and remembered who you were. Your eyes flew open and you sat up in bed taking in a quick gasp of air.

“What’s wrong?” Hoseok asked, “Did you forget where you were?”

Biting your lip, you looked over at him stretched out over the white bedding. Not where, you thought to yourself, but when.

“Yeah,” you smiled and laid back down, “or something like that, but just for a second.”

He hummed and slipped his arms around you, pulling you closer. “You were wrong, by the way.”

“About?” You asked, so comfortable you could have fallen back asleep.

“You said I’d change my mind about wanting you here.”

“Well, I’m glad you didn’t.”

It hadn’t been completely intentional, but the two of you spent the rest of the day together. Most of the day was spent in bed, which you’d had few complaints about. Later in the afternoon, ever the gentleman, Hoseok drew a bath for you to enjoy while he went down the street to pick up some food. You knew he’d probably intended on you staying relaxed in the water for longer than you did but you found yourself a little too restless to stay still for too long. For a while you meandered his apartment, not really looking for anything since you’d mostly seen all of it before. Back in his bedroom you raided his drawers finding the oversized sweater you’d seen him in and a pair of boxers, which surprised you since you’d never seen him wear them before. You dressed yourself in your findings and continued to walk around the apartment as you brushed your hair with his comb.

When he finally returned he found you in the cupboard searching for something unhealthy to snack on and disappointed that there was nothing. He’d brought back...everything. Hoseok realized when he’d gotten downstairs that he had never asked what you might want, so he just went to a bunch of places and hoped that he’d gotten something you’d like. Luckily, all of it was stuff you liked. Together you took refuge on the couch and devoured nearly every bite of food he brought home. As the hours ticked by and the afternoon inched into the evening you started to worry again. Worry that you’d have to leave him soon and that if, or more likely when, you finally did he’d only forget you again. However, as your movie binging, makeout marathoning continued on his couch, he never once asked you to leave. He didn’t even suggest it. Instead, as you tucked into him, what he did was run his hand up and down your back until you’d fallen asleep on his chest.  

It surprised you when Hoseok wanted to spend the next day with you as well. This time the two of you actually left the apartment. You’d gone to enjoy a late brunch. Afterwards you strolled around downtown. You stopped at several department stores to warm up but mostly you liked to go into designer boutiques and guess the prices of their ugliest pieces. Once your cheeks were permanently sore from laughing he brought you home, stopping on the way to grab dinner.

Sitting across the table from him made you sad because you realized that you couldn’t continue to spend all your time with him. This had been the longest amount of time you’d ever spent with him, even before the accident you were never really together for more than a couple hours, a day at the longest. You’d imagined you’d have gotten tired of him or he would have gotten bored of you. You thought, especially since you’d relived the beginning of your relationship a hundred times already, that he wouldn’t have anything new to offer but he kept you on your toes.

You stuffed your mouth with rice and curry, to avoid having to answer any questions about the change in your mood. You were just sad imagining being alone and worried that the second you left he would forget you and you’d have to restart this whole process over again.

When you finally told him you had to leave he looked equally sad. You knew it that it would be awhile until you could see him again. The event at your work was happening this week and you were going to be outrageously busy until it was over. You’d told him it would be at least a week until you’d be free to see him again. When you told him that he kissed you for a really long time in front of the cab he’d called for you. You were sure that if the meter wasn’t already running that the driver would have left you on the sidewalk, your mouths glued together.

He sighed when he finally pulled away, “Do you think that’s enough for a week?”

“No.” You laughed, “That’s not enough for even a day.”

“Glad you agree.” He grinned and leaned in to kiss your cheek. “We’ll just have a lot to catch up on when we see each other.”

“Coffee right?” You asked, “The cafe where we met. Sunday morning.”

“Sunday morning.” He confirmed.

“You won’t forget?”

He shook his head, “I won’t forget.”

“Hoseok,” you said in a whisper. He raised his eyebrows expectantly, “don’t forget me, okay? Promise you won’t forget me.”

“How could I ever forget you?” He laughed like it was ludicrous.

“Just, please. I know it sounds silly but will you just promise me?” you basically begged.

“Hey…” he cupped your cheeks in his hands and smiled brightly, “I promise, I will not forget you.”

~~~

Preparing for your work event was excruciating. It would have been regardless but it was more so because you spent every second you weren’t thinking about work thinking about Hoseok and whether or not he’d forgotten you yet. You’d removed your number from his phone before you’d left him, just in case, so if he’d wanted to get a hold of you he couldn’t. With barely a second to even eat or shower between preparations you definitely didn’t have a minute to contact Minhyuk to find out if he knew anything about Hoseok’s current memory status.

Saturday night, after the last guest left the event, the caterers drove off with their equipment, and the tables and chairs had been stacked and made ready to be picked up in the morning your shoulders finally fell with some relief. You’d been slightly worried you still wouldn’t be able to sleep before your meeting with Hoseok in the morning but your head crashed down on your pillow before you’d even taken off your heels.    

The cafe was busy for a sunday morning but you’d gotten there early and grabbed a coffee and a table. Hoseok was right on time, he looked amazing and there was nothing more you wanted to do than to kiss him but you waited instead. Waited to see what he would do when he saw you, because he always came to this cafe and him being here didn’t necessarily mean anything. For a blink you thought he was looking at you but you couldn’t be sure, and he walked passed your table to the counter without a word.

You watched out of the corner of your eye as he turned around a few minutes later, coffee in hand. It looked for a moment like he was headed straight for your table but instead he moved just passed it. He sat at a table across from you and opened his book, not unlike he had done a dozen times before. When he caught you looking at him he smiled kindly, which he’d also done plenty. You were becoming more and more certain that he’d forgotten you, like he’d definitely done before.

Feeling a little heartbroken your shoulders slumped. Part of you wondered if it was all the way back to square one, which meant hopelessness. Or, you wondered, maybe if you just spent every single moment together for the rest of your lives he’d be able to remember you. The thought alone was exhausting, but a big part of you thought you could manage it.

“I hate to bother you,” you looked up to see his smiling face, coffee in one hand and a book in the other, “but can I use that chair or are you waiting for someone?”

“Oh, go ahead, I’m not using it.”

You expected him to drag the chair away, like people usually did when they asked to use chairs, instead he sat down on the seat and placed his coffee on the table. He crossed one leg over the other before opening his book.

He grinned over at your confused face, “Sorry, I just felt like it was selfish for us to be using up two tables when we can just share this one. I won’t bother you.”

Unsure what to say you looked down at your book. You read nothing, you couldn’t focus long enough to comprehend the words. Sniffing with eyes brimmed with tears you were trying desperately not to cry out of frustration. You just wanted to stand up, grab his shoulders, and scream Remember Me!

“Rough story?” He asked.

You looked back up at him, “What?”

“I know I said I wouldn’t bother you but,” he nodded towards your book, “you look upset, pretty emotional story?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, “it’s devastating. Might be the worst love story of all time.”

“Why read it then?”

“I can’t seem to let it go, no matter how much it hurts.” You wiped your cheek and looked back down at the book.

The table fell into a comfortable silence, and you were able to calm yourself enough that you didn’t feel on the edge of an emotional breakdown. You hadn’t noticed, but Hoseok hadn’t looked back at his book. Not once. He’d been too preoccupied watching you.

After quite some time he finally leaned forward, planting his elbows on the table. “Y/n, can I ask you a question.”

“Of course.” You said looking up at him expectantly.

He looked almost sad, “Who hurt you?”

You leaned back, feeling slightly attacked by the question. “Excuse me?”

“Who hurt you?” He repeated.

Suddenly your brain seemed to start working again and your eyes went wide, “You said my name.”

“I can’t believe you really thought I’d forgotten you!” He exclaimed in disbelief, “What person on this planet made you feel so forgettable because I have a few choice words for them.”

This time you were really going to cry, but you had to keep it together. You wouldn’t just be able to explain to him why it meant so much to you that he remembered who you were. At least, you thought, you couldn’t do it without Minhyuk. He watched fascinated by how every part of you lifted and brightened in just the blink of an eye.

“You really remember me?” You asked.

“Well, I did promise you I would, didn't I?” He smirked over at you.

You bit your lip, “Tell me what you remember about me.”

He laughed and then realized you were being serious. “That’s such a weird request.”

“Please?”

“I remember a lot about you.” he looked you over for a second and dragged his bottom lip between his teeth, causing an instant blush to cross your cheeks, “like how soft your hips felt, especially when you had just gotten out of the bath. I remember how cute you looked in my sweater, and how you look even cuter when you stuff your cheeks with rice. I remember the way your hair smelled when you fell asleep on my chest. The way you taste, I remember the way all of you tastes.”

“Oh.” You let out a soft breath, not having expected that answer. He laughed at how immobile you seemed.

“I also remember that work project you had that kept us apart all week. How’d that go?”

He remembered you. So many thoughts rushed through your head, so many feelings and you felt incapable of expressing any of them properly. Instead you told him all about your hellish week before asking him about his and then making plans to spend the day together.

~~~

Minhyuk had been so thrilled by your news about Hoseok that he’d dropped the three hundred dollar bottle of tequila he’d been holding. He grabbed your face and kissed you right on the mouth he was so happy and all you could do was laugh because you knew the feeling well. The two of you discussed for a long while the best way to tell Hoseok about everything, deciding ultimately to wait until you knew for sure his memory lasting wasn’t a fluke. The decision had been Minhyuk’s. It had surprised you at first, until he explained that he’d already had to remind his best friend of the accident hundreds of times before and it never got any easier. He wanted to make sure this time it lasted.

You’d told Minhyuk to take his time, that the time of the reveal would be up to him. You had felt bad at first. It felt like you were lying to Hoseok whenever you were with him. Keeping a secret that affected him so deeply. Then weeks had passed and you found yourself too distracted by life with Hoseok. It had been three years. Three years of his demanding hands all over your body. His desperate and needy late night requests for your attention. Never spending more than a day together, rarely spending time overnight. Dates hadn’t been called dates, it was just hanging out. You had never been his girlfriend and he wasn’t your boyfriend. This time with him was different, it was better. It was date night’s and entire weekends together. And when Hoseok told you he wanted you meet Minhyuk and you asked him why he said it was because he thought it was important that his best friend and his girlfriend got along.  

After a delicious dinner at the restaurant and probably already too many drinks the three of you went back to Hoseok’s for more drinking and hanging out.

He’d been so affectionate all night. Holding your hand, kissing your shoulder, always making sure that you were comfortable and having a good time. Back at his place he’d grabbed your hand and led you over to the couch, he crashed down onto the cushions and pulled you onto his lap, “This has been the best day. Might as well be my birthday.”

“I’m glad you’re so happy, Hoseok.” You said before pressing a kiss against his cheek.

He looked over at Minhyuk who had walked over slowly, thoughtfully, “I’m glad you two get along. I hadn’t really been worried, but it was important to me.”

Min smiled at Hoseok and then looked over at you, “I think we should do it now.”

Hoseok looked between the two of you slightly confused, you leaned in and kissed his cheek once more before standing up from his lap. You weren’t sure where to go, you’d wanted to give him space but you also wanted to be there for him at the same time. Minhyuk sat beside him on the couch. Hoseok reached out, solving your dilemma for you by grabbing your hand, you weren’t going anywhere. You sat down on the edge of the coffee table in front of him.  

“What’s going on? Why does it feel so serious?” he looked over at you, he seemed almost scared so you squeezed his hand.

“Hoseok,” Minhyuk took a deep breath and exhaled, “You were in a bad accident.”

It was crushing to watch the myriad of feelings that crossed his face as Minhyuk went over all of the details of his accident, and then his recovery. He was so hurt, scared, and confused by all of it and what it meant. Tears fell down his cheeks as Minhyuk showed him pictures of his demolished car. Pictures of him bandaged and broken in the hospital bed during his coma. The stitches that had been taken out long ago and scars that were now hidden underneath the hair that had grown back. The x-rays of the plate in his leg. He squeezed your hand tightly through every step of the timeline. Finally nearing the end there were pictures of him after he’d woken up, when he was going through physical therapy. Your heart went out to Minhyuk who had retold Hoseok about his accident every single morning when he’d had panic attacks from waking up in the hospital.  

“...up until a few weeks ago you’d had short term memory loss.” Minhyuk had finished telling him almost everything he needed to know. “Since it finally seems like your memory might be sticking we thought it was time to tell you what happened again.”  

For the first time in almost an hour he dropped your hand. He ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh before looking over at you, “We didn’t just meet, did we?”

“We did, it just wasn’t for the first time.” you said in barely a whisper as Minhyuk handed him his old phone.

His forehead scrunched in confusion as he quietly scrolled through the photos on the phone, “Were we dating...before the accident?”

“Sort of. I’m starting to think we made it more complicated than it needed to be.”

“This was over years. We’ve been together for years.” he looked up at you expectantly. “Are we in love?”

“I think so.” you wiped a stray tear from your cheek, “We’ve never said it to each other but I think we are.”

The table vibrated as your leg bounced anxiously. You watched Hoseok scroll through the conversations on his phone. He spent a long time on the one he’d shared with you. It looked like he’d tried scrolling all the way back to the beginning of the conversation before reading it all out. He stared at the phone so long without moving the screen went black and he just kept staring. Finally he dropped the phone on the couch between him and Minhyuk. When he looked up at you his lips were trembling. You knew he was about to cry and you didn’t know what to say.

“Hoseok-” you started.

“You were so mad at me.” he said cutting you off.

“I didn’t know. I never would have said any of that if I’d known. I swear.”

He slipped down off of the couch in front of you and dropped his head in your lap. His arms wrapped around your waist and you could feel him crying. You looked at Minhyuk wide-eyed, unsure of what was happening, hoping he’d have something to offer but he only shrugged. You rubbed your hand over his back gently.

“I’m so sorry.” he mumbled into your lap.

Still confused and concerned you continued to rub his back, “Wait, why are you apologizing?”

“I hurt you so much. I’m so sorry.” he said as he cried even harder.

“Oh, Hoseok. No, it wasn’t your fault.”

He tightened his arms around you, pulling you closer. His face pressed against your stomach. “I almost lost you forever.”

You hunched over him awkwardly wrapping him up in a hug, “No, baby. You would have found me. You always find me.”

Minhyuk leaned back against the couch with a small smile on his face, “Physically, he is stronger than steel. Emotionally, a baby bunny.”

“Don’t listen to him.” You whispered against the top of Hoseok's head. He just squeezed you tighter.

~~~

“I can’t believe you cheated on me.” Hoseok said dropping his keys on the counter.

It had been a few weeks since you’d told him about the accident, and he’d been getting memories back ever since. Minhyuk and you told him all of the really big events that he’d forgotten and that seemed to open the gates as the rest of his memories came flooding back. More and more every day. Some of them were beneficial. Some of them, you were finding were just embarrassing for you, which Hoseok loved.

“What are you talking about?” you nearly shrieked, hanging up both of your coats on the rack.

He turned around and looked at you with raised eyebrows, “Don’t try and tell me you weren’t with other guys the entire year we were apart. You even told me you were going to sleep with that guy you were on a date with.”

“You remember that?” you asked surprised, “I barely even remembered Loey.”

“Too many notches on your bedpost?” he asked with a raised eyebrow and the tiniest smirk.

“Hoseok…”

“I however was not with anyone else,” he yelled dramatically throwing his arms in the air, “because I was in a coma!”

“It’s not funny.” you frowned, “If I could go back…”

“Yeooooosin.” he sang, pulling you into a hug. He kissed your neck in quick little pecks until you were laughing in his arms, “I’m just kidding.”

You ran your hands up his back and over his broad shoulders, squeezing him tight, “I don’t like that joke.”

He leaned back and kissed your forehead. “Okay, I’ll think of a new one.”

You hummed, with a purse of your lips at him and went into the living room where you plopped onto the couch and waited for your very attention needy boyfriend. When he finally arrived he was carrying wine glasses and a smile on his face.

“I also can’t believe you stuck it out with me. That must have been so hard. Why did you do it? For months and months.”

You looked over at him, accepting the wine glass, and laughed to yourself. “Isn’t it obvious? You have a really hot body and a lot of money.”

He clicked his tongue in annoyance, “Just confess that you love me.”

“Never.”

“Well I can’t until you do. So I guess we’re just at a standstill.” He pouted.

You took a quick gulp of wine before placing it on the coffee table. He came around, set his glass next to yours and stretched out on the couch, laying his head in your lap.

“I keep waiting for you to kick me out.” you said quietly, running your hand through his hair.

“Why would I ever kick you out? Why would I ever want this to end?”

“You have your memories back now. I figured it’s only a matter of time until you remember that we were never really like this before, and how you don’t really want to be couple-y with me.”

Hoseok popped up from your lap, and stared at you from the other side of the couch, “Yeah… I have my memory back, which means I remember you never wanted to be in a relationship with me.”

You scoffed at the accusation.” Hoseok, you said you didn’t want to really date because you were so busy with work all the time and you felt it would be unfair.”

“I only ever said that because you always told me not to get confused about what we were doing with each other.”

“Hoseok!” you practically screamed, eyes wide in shock, “I said that because I wanted you to think I was still just a chill, down girl, like I was when we met. Then, I don’t know, you made me want more. I didn’t want to scare you off with all my feelings or by being too clingy!”

“Y/n! Are you kidding me?” he screamed back in frustration.

You watched as he jumped from the couch and stormed out of the living room. As you waited you stood up, this felt like a fight and you felt too vulnerable sitting down.

He stomped back into the room with a low growl, and a small black box in his hand. “I have been in love with you forever, you idiot. I just kept waiting for you to finally get to where I was so I could tell you. Waiting for you to love me back so I could give you this!”

Your eyes went wide and your body tensed as he went to open the box but you relaxed at the sight of the brand new silver key. “Is that a house key?!”

“Yes! I love you and I want you to live with me!” you’d yelled at him so he felt it was only appropriate to yell back.

“What the hell? I’ve loved you for so long! You thought I would just hang out here for months when you didn’t even know who I was because I just wanted to be fuck buddies again?!”

“No!” he shouted, albeit confused, “Why are we yelling!”

You threw your hands up, “I don’t know!”

“You started it!”

“Yeah, because I love you!”

“Well I love you too!” he yelled one last time and then smiled, “...so come here and kiss me already.”

He closed the box with the key and tossed it onto the table as you moved towards him, throwing your arms around his shoulders and meeting his lips with yours.

You smiled against the kiss and mumbled, “You’re so stupid.”

“And yet you’re the one who loves me.” he mumbled back. He sat back down on the couch, taking you with him. Your knees landed on either side of him as you sat on his lap, and leaned into the kiss. He let the kiss go on for some time before pulling away, “I love you, seriously. Be my girlfriend?”

“I was already your girlfriend.” you laughed, moving back into the kiss.

He pulled away again and you groaned, “And move in with me?”

“Obviously! Yes.” you landed the smallest kiss on his lips before he pulled away again, “Jesus! What?”

“Marry me?” he grinned.

Your eyes blew wide and you slapped his shoulder, “Hoseok!”

“Yeah, you’re right, too soon. We should date for awhile. Maybe move your stuff in first, and then I’ll try again.” he reasoned.

He caught your eyes with his and you knew he was playing his game, his battle of the wills. His face mostly neutral except for the pout that accentuated his lips and the clear amusement that glistened in his eyes as he waited for you to crumble.

Dragging your teeth across your bottom lip you grinned, “Ask me again then. When I’m all moved in, and we’re laying in our bed. I’ll have my head on your chest and you’ll be doing that thing where you drag your fingertips over my back. Ask me like that.”

His eyes scanned yours for a long while after you’d stopped talking as he tried to figure out if you were serious. Then, as if he’d been replaying the words over in his head until he finally believed them, he turned his face away. Breaking contact because the joy he’d felt looking at you had become too overwhelming.

With a small laugh you leaned forward and kissed his exposed neck before resting your head on his shoulder. “I win.”

He hummed in agreement, “Yeah, but I win too.”

[tintinwrites]

you don’t have to convince me | Regency!Poe Dameron x Reader

Request: “Happy 600!!!! What do you think about a regency AU where Poe and the reader are set up in an arranged marriage? I know you started a series on it, but maybe you could write something different...” - Anonymous

A/N: I meant to post this last night, but I fell asleep!!

Rating: T

Warning: Arranged marriage. Vague discussions of sex that are v regency era approved lol

Word count: 966, apparently!!

Summary: You consider yourself to be nothing special, but you find yourself betrothed to the son of one of the richest men in the country. Your terror at the mere prospect fades almost as soon as you meet him.

GIF credit: martinmcdonagh

                                          ---------------------------------

You pulled at your gloves nervously as you walked into the grand ballroom of the home that belonged to the man you would soon wed.

It was your first time meeting him; having learned that he had chosen your hand in marriage after your parents presented you to his a couple weeks ago.

This was no place for you, you thought. Your finest dress didn't shine nearly as brightly as the other women's, and your curls were trying to fall out of the many pins you'd put in your hair that afternoon.

All you wanted to do was call the whole thing off, but it was not your choice.

Poe Dameron wanted to marry you for a reason unbeknownst to you, and that was the end of a conversation that was never had.

You had seen him from afar, stepping out of resplendent carriages drawn by large horses, and he was strong, and handsome. But what good was a handsome face? He may very well strike you with his face contorted in hideous anger. Or he might not care about you or give you any attention at all, using his features on mistresses that would be more pleasing than you would.

The thoughts you had about your betrothal had all been frightened, wondering about how unhappy you would be marrying this wealthy stranger.

Standing at the side of the room lost in your thoughts, you didn't notice that he was walking towards you intently.

You hadn't even expected him to recognize you with how below him you considered yourself to be.

But you looked up when he kissed your hand and stared into his eyes.

"Your parents told me you were beautiful, but I don't think they conveyed it properly."

"I...I..." You gaped at him like a fool.

"Are you not Y/N? I was told you would be the ravishing one in blue."

"Yes, sir...I didn't expect you...what do you mean I'm ravishing? I've never..." Never had attention like that in your entire life, and you were wondering why this man would ever want to marry you.

"We can dance if you don't know what to say."

"Are we allowed to dance together?"

He laughed in a way that seemed to hold no mockery. "Of course we can. That's how we get to know each other."

You eyed the hand he held out.

It was actually true, that people your age would go to dances like this to meet potential spouses and talk to them.

But most of them weren't betrothed at their first meeting.

The two of you would have to get to know each other eventually, and you didn't want that to be on your wedding night.

Your hand shook at the thought of entering a marriage bed with this stranger. You gently put it in his to hide how afraid you were.

He practically swept you through the other dancing couples, guiding you to the middle of the room without even brushing against anyone else.

You moved your free hand to his shoulder and his went to your waist; he briefly ran his thumb over the cheap silk of your dress, starting to step in time with the waltz that was being played.

"You can dance well."

"My father made sure I was trained by the very best. I spent more time spinning around the room and having fun, but I learned a couple steps."

You giggled and immediately quieted yourself, looking down.

He squeezed your waist. "You're allowed to laugh. You don't have to make yourself small when you're with me."

"—why did you even pick me?"

"Why would I not pick you?"

"I'm nobody. Have you not looked at me? I made this dress. I'm not...very important."

"Do you want the actual truth?"

"Yes, please."

"My father chose you. He wanted me to marry a proper young lady to save my reputation, which I'm sure you've heard of."

Of course you'd heard stories about his reputation.

Hence why you would not be surprised should your husband-to-be have many mistresses and even male consorts.

He must have seen your face fall, stepping back and pulling you towards a door to the side of the ballroom.

You followed even though you were confused, and you let him take you out to the small, ornate garden that was part of his estate. It was beautiful, but you were too occupied with why he brought you outside to admire the brightly colored flowers.

"It's true that I've had relationships with more than a couple people, but I'm all yours. I would never intentionally hurt you." He sat down on a stone bench, gently pulling you to sit with him.

"But you did not choose me. You would not have."

"I wouldn't choose the beautiful woman who has enough skill to make her own dresses? And you seem sweet; I saw the way your eyes lit up when you saw the flowers. You can go look at them. They'll be yours soon."

"We have to get to know each other."

"We have time for all that. Go ahead."

"Thank you."

Your heart had picked up speed at the thought of the garden being yours, and the house being yours, and a marriage bed being yours, and Poe Dameron himself being yours; but looking at a bush of red roses calmed your mind.

The way he was smiling when you peeked at him while moving to look at a tree made you forget that you ever questioned whether you belonged there or not.

He was kindhearted and genuinely wanted you even if he hadn't chosen this, and it seemed like he was getting to know you simply by watching you appreciate the garden.

You couldn't help but find that you didn't mind this arrangement after all.

[unexpectedcronchiness]

Pt 7 i think we’re at im just vomiting ideas heck yeah more wolfstar

Based on a text “ sirius is put in an arranged marriage with a pureblood witch or it can be muggle au but with a female (he's gay in this) and remus is the wedding planner “

no warnings on this one either it just fluffy

arranged marriage, who even thought of shit like that? still it wasn't remus' place to question. He walked into the room, prepared to give his "Ok so theme ideas, what do you like, what actually looks good" speech but he stops dead in his tracks

first off, theres a man alone here

usually both partners are together

and secondly hes absolutely gorgeous

this was going to be problematic, remus rarely thought anyone was attractive, but when he did, he fell hard

the man noticed him and stood up, and held out his hand

"sirius orion black, i see you have the, ah, pleasure, of working with my family on getting the union from hell organized"

remus couldn't help it, he laughed

he'd seen arranged marriage cases before, but legally he wasn't allowed to do anything, trust me, he checked

but never were people so blatantly outright in their discomfort or annoyance

honestly it was refreshing

laughing was unprofessional and he was being paid a hefty amount of money to make something tasteful yet elegant, so he steeled his face and started his speech

-----

days passed and he found himself spending more time than necessary with sirius

he couldn't help it

at first he was just curious but then it was something more, it was intense and new. Sirius was funny, charming, kind, witty and so much more

yet there was something subtle, something dark shadowing his features

something that remus couldn't help but be pulled to

he had his own secrets of course, being a werewolf was hard enough, but then managing the top wedding planner office in the wizarding world and trying to keep it all a secret was unbearable

yet he loved it

he loved secrets and the way they kept you warm, the way you were allowed to be possessive and cautious and no one thought any less of you because everyone has secrets. It's universal and completely personal at the same time

so he held onto his newfound secret that he was undeniably genuinely attracted to this sirius orion black.

------

" i was thinking for the flowers maybe something like an acacia blossom" acacia blossoms meant concealed love, amoungst other things, but concealed love was what he was going for but it's not like he would know what it meant

yet the way sirius looked at him after he said it unsettled him

his mouth agape, eyes wide in realisation

then he said "i rather like ambrosia" shit. Ambrosia, your love is reciprocated.

shit shit shit

what was he doing flower flirting with the heir to the blacks, one of the wealthiest pureblood families in the wizarding world

and ya know, that thing how he was going to GET MARRIED And remus was supposed to be helping him

"hmm maybe white lilies" it's heavenly to be with you but, "but, you'll probably like stephanotis better" stephanotis, happiness in marriage

sirius laughed

"do i look like i'd enjoy stephanotis better? besides, women aren't really my type. How about sterling silver roses?" Love at first sight, oh merlin

Remus couldn't resist

"so what is your type then"

sirius grinned cheekily

Dr.Remelems-the fluff monsterToday at 7:47 AM

"hmm, well let's see, men for starters, in case you didn't get my extreme subtlety. Camelia" you're a flame in my heart, shit he was good

he continued

"gold eyes, dirty blond hair, that shimmers in the sunlight, incredibly sexy scars, a nice sense of humor, an understanding of flowers is also deeply important, Carnation" My heart aches for you, admiration. Oh merlin he was in deep

"don't know where you'd find a guy like that he seems impossible, and aren't you supposed to be getting married. Gardenia, white heathers" You're lovely, secret love and wishes could come true, protection

remus hoped it conveyed everything he was willing to risk for this man

he would willingly risk an affair, he would protect this man, give him everything no matter what and he'd only known him for a month

sirius, as remus learned had absolutely no control of his emotions on his face, but at least he knew that he knew what it meant

sirius feigned casualness

"let me one up you, orange blossom, peony.... stehphanotis but with viscaria?" eternal love, marriage, happy marriage, happiness in marriage but when combined with viscaria, will you dance with me, did he, was he understanding this right

unable to play games any longer remus choked out

"did- did you just propose to me in flowers?"

sirius looked bashful

"well i mean uh yeah, but uh I'd need your help in getting out of this current uh, marriage thing if you wanted to do this i know thats not a yes but it would be difficult and i just-"

Remus cut him off

"jesus merlin and morgana yes."

"i do" he said solemnly

sirius looked happier than remus had ever seen him, no shadows, no undertones

"ok so i don't know how to get out of this current ya know marriage thing, i haven't made an unbreakable vow or anything, well yet at least and-"

"Sirius you brilliant man you, you've given me an idea"

----------

It was the day of the wedding. Sirius was standing at the alter, whatser name getting ready in one of the back rooms. The flowers they had chosen, spider flowers (elope with me, sirius and remus both thought it was funny) and remus was ready, in a suit that was probably more decorative than a wedding planner needed, but little did they know, he was probably underdressed

it was his wedding day after all

Remus went over to sirius, walking intentionally down the aisle as he did. It was on purpose yes, but everyone else didn't look twice as the ceremony had yet to start. silently, he gripped his wand and cued the music.

everyone turned to face remus in shock, sirius beamed, as a man should look on his wedding day. Cries of rage came from the black family as it clicked what was happening.

walburga black began to leap up, brandishing her wand but was stopped by an invisible force keeping her to the chair, and the chair to the floor. or ya know, a sticking charm

they'd figure out how to get it off eventually and he only needed a little bit of time anyways

being a wedding planner had perks

he reached the altar and grabbed sirius' hands.

The clergyman looked shook, but also suddenly understood the vague wording in his contract, shrugged, and went on with it

if remus was being honest, he didn't remember much of what the clergyman said, he didn't remember the cries of outrage from the black family

what he did remember was the look in sirius' eyes, the smile that was so large it threatened to come off his face, the tight, nervous grip of his hands

remus remembered that most of all

remus remembered hearing sirius say i do, tears in the old saps eyes, and then he remembered hearing it from himself

screams of protest and indignation sounded like music to his ears but then suddenly he heard clapping and cheers

he turned around in shock and saw that whatserface was in the aisle, in jeans and a hoodie, leading her family in appluase

*applause

as would later be explained to the black family. Remus had not taken an unbreakable vow to marry or love sirius for ever. neither of them could promise that. but what had happened however was meridith (as he learned her name was) and sirius had made an unbreakable vow to never marry eachother

turns out meredith was undeniably gay and had a girlfriend 

and so in the confusion they were wed, and the blacks could do nothing of it, for worries of risk admitting they were beanboozled by a their heir and his husband, or worse that they had made the worst match in all of pureblood history with two incredible gay queens.

yet something gnawed at remus

one day,  a year later, he went up to sirius

it was time, the secret didn't feel as warm and personal anymore

instead it felt dirty and aggressive, mean, harmful

he walked up to sirius

shit he was not crying, he was not crying but he started to speak

"i-i think it's time-time for you to know- and- and i just want- i just want to say to you, i love you so much, more than anything and imsosorry and"

"honey whats the matter, is this about your uh, 'furry little problem"

remus blinked

what

the heck

sirius couldn't help but chuckle

"darling you're hardly inconspicuous, ive known since we were 'dating"

remus couldn't help it, he bawled

sirius pulled him into his arms, tenderly holding him

"hey, hey, hey shh, hey, single full bloom roses, pink rose, rose leaf" i love you, i still love you, perfect happiness, please believe me, you may hope. Remus translated these automatically and allowed himself to finally feel content

THE END

-bonus- after the whole debacle purebloods thought twice about arranged marriages and let their kids be for a while, and so meredith took advantage of this and her girlfriend and her got married, (remus was the planner, they had all turned out to be quite good friends)

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Weird “Plus One”

Thanks for reading everyone, Hope you enjoy please feel free to ask questions or give ideas :)

Krill was very interested, if there was one thing he didn’t understand about humans, it was their mating rituals; he wasn’t sure he really wanted to know about their mating habits, but the process of attracting another human could be interesting. Understanding what went into a human monogamous marriage was shaping up to be rather difficult. From what Krill understood so far, the most complex human process involved a serious set of complicated rituals involving a lot of symbolic traditionalism. These included a specific style of dress only for the couple about to be married and all of their guests as well. This ceremony was to take place at a specific time and place and last for a very specific amount of time. Specific words were supposed to be said, and then afterwards there was supposed to be a massive party which included a very specific type of pastry and very specific types of food and human music. Humans were generally obligated to give each other gifts during this time.

Krill, as it turns out was friends enough with Vir’s brother that he was to be one of the “groomsmen.” Or one of the specified group of people important to the groom. Vir had been chosen as the best man which seemed to Krill to mean that he was just the favorite groomsman, of which included Krill and the other brothers. However, due to the nature of the wedding women and men had been included on either side, so that count also included Vir’s sister, and another woman Krill did not recognize.

Captain Vir burst into the room just then wearing one of the special human outfits, a dark blue suit and mat tie with a peach colored flower at the breast pocket. “Damn dude, you look like shit.”

Across the room David made a rude human gesture by raising both his middle fingers, “F*** you, Adam.”

“That’s incest.”

From where she stood, next to David, Vir’s sister gave him the evil eye, “Be nice, Adam. He’s just nervous.”

“Not nervous enough to throw up all over himself, so I don’t feel sorry in the slightest.” He said walking over to help his brother with his tie.

“Didn’t that happen to you once?” David wondered clearly trying to keep his mind off what was going on.

Vir sighed and glanced longingly up at the air, “Airman Mariah Alvarez, I was so nervous I spilled my drink on her and ended up throwing up…… first and last date I ever had.”

David laughed easing some of the tension in the room, “Ok, yeah, I’m not that nervous, and I’m sure Jordan is doing just fine.”

Vir snorted, “Doing more than fine, though I can’t see why he consented to marrying your dumb ass.”

“Least I actually managed to get a date.” His brother snapped back.

“You better be nice to me, I’m the one giving the toast at dinner tonight, and you don’t want me to tell them about the time you-.”

“Ok…. Ok, you made your point.”

Krill wondered quietly if the humans were always this vicious to each other. Vir insisted that it was a human way of showing affection to each other, but he had a hard time believing it. It just wasn’t logical. Why would you intentionally be an ass to someone you like?

Vir finished with his brother and took a step back, “Stop frowning and you might actually look presentable…..” He paused, “Are you sure you’re ok with Sunny being my plus one?”

David rolled his eyes, “For the last time Adam, I don’t mind Sunny. In fact, I like her and she has good taste in music, so YES I’m fine with her coming. Just…. Keep her in back where mom can’t see her for the time being.”

He chuckled, “Alright, now come on, they’re ready for you.”

Krill followed the humans out into the sunny afternoon and onto the spreading grassy park before them. Distantly a glittering blue lake sparkled in the light of the sun. It was an almost perfect day, a very slight breeze, just enough to keep cool in the mid-summer heat pushing the grass to the side in slow undulating waves. The guests were all already seated as David took his position at the front with Vir standing to the side. Sunny stood at the back of the group and, to Krill’s amusement, she was covered in the same peach-orange flowers that decorated the rest of the venue.

The sun shone down from the sky as Krill watched an unknown human larvae make its way up the isle throwing the flowers left and right seeming to be having a very grand time of it. Other humans appeared, and finally the last human wearing white, or some other light color Krill could not identify , moved up taking David by the hands.

There was quiet music playing in the background, and Krill had to try his best not to fall over. Kimber showed up a few minutes later, hair in long golden curls around her tiny shoulders wearing a sharp black suit and shiny black shoes.

She was carrying a ring.

Krill had trouble making out the words that were spoken. Then, the humans kissed and the entire venue erupted into applause. Two weird human things krill would never understand. Humans seemed to enjoy touching each other’s mouths with their mouths, and screaming and hitting themselves to show how pleased they were. It didn’t make much sense.

The sun had just begun to by the time they made their way onto a covered outdoor patio where the party was to take place. Earth’s sky was plastered with vibrant hues of delicate orange, yellow, pink and deep purple. Camera lenses flashed, and small lights burst into existence all around the dance floor. More human music began to play. The new human pair stepped out onto the floor and began to dance. Off to the side Krill could see Sunny watching in focused memorization as the humans spun back and forth, around and around. After dancing alone for a song, other humans slowly began to join them. As seemed traditional, the Vir would have to dance with the second human accompanying the opposite partner.

Krill caught the conversation.

“So do you want lead or follow, not sure how this works…. Rock paper scissors?” Krill was just beginning to notice that very specific types of humans tended to dance with other very specific types of humans. A smaller, curvier human, with a larger square human. Vir and the other were about the same height, build and clothing style.

He wasn’t able to watch for very long as Kimber found him, and with a big grin, she dragged him, floating, onto the dance floor and proceeded to spin them both round and round until Krill was convinced he was going to go right ahead and die.

He finally managed to get away shaking off the spinning confusion as he watched as the party slowly began to ramp up. At some point Vir approached Sunny and held out a hand, “What do you think Sunny, want to dance?”

She seemed pleased and excited, and they did dance, a seven foot tall Drev, and an above six foot human coaching the Drev through simple dance steps. Slowly spinning across the dance floor.

The sun had finally set leaving the covered patio as the only source of light in the dark night. Food was being brought out and the people had taken their seats. The containers they were using the carry the drinks were in odd shapes, Sunny didn’t seem sure how to hold it, but she did enjoy the salad.

There was a sharp chiming sound from across the room, and Krill looked over to see that Vir had taken to his feet and then to a chair, much to the dismay of his brother, and everyone at the party that knew about his prosthetic, “Alright, alright, quiet down everyone… you see, my brother made the mistake of allowing me to make a toast at his wedding…. In front of all you people, so I’m trying to figure out the most embarrassing story I have about him.”

David was still smiling but the look on his face. Krill wasn’t really sure what he was supposed to expect….. With Vir things could go either way.

“But, since it’s his wedding, I’m going to be nice and short so we can all get back to eating and getting sloshed.” He glanced across the table, “Sorry mom.”

“I know everyone says something super special ad mushy about the couple, about how they are meant to be together, and how everything is perfect and no one is surprised, and, while all of that is true, the important thing to me is how my brother saved my life…. It wasn’t’ so long ago that I was in a really dark place, and my brother had to come dig me out. And Jordan was a saint the entire time. Even when my brother had to skip out on meeting parents, and date night, and dinners, and a WEEK long vacation they had spent months planning, Jordan never once complained, never got mad. He was only understanding. The pair of them together are the best people I know. I owe everything to my brother, and by proxy I owe a lot to Jordan too, and the only complaint I have….” A pause, “Is that these two waited this long to get hitched.”

The room broke out into a burst of more humans screaming and hitting themselves. Sunny took up the custom clapping both her upper and lower hands together.

A few more toasts, a few more things to say, and then David stood, “Alright, while we appreciate all the gooey stuff you guys have to say, this is supposed to be a party, and I expect to see you guys do some wildly stupid stuff. So get going.”

***

He would not be disappointed.

Krill ended up under the table at some point as the humans stomped and cavorted around the room knocking over chairs running into each other and dancing wildly with the thudding thrumming beat which had taken over from the delicate dance music. And when he said dancing, it wasn’t the kind of dancing that Krill had become used to, it turned into the humans wildly waving their arms around stomping their feet and rolling in unknowable patterns and confusing circles like ribbons of silk ripped in the wind.

They lifted each other into the air, and threw flowers until there was barely any ground left.

Drunken and confused, the humans stumbled into each other and passed out under tables. Sunny vanished some time during the evening as the party grew even rowdier. He cowered under the table.

Watching from where he was, he saw Vir dancing with the other humans surprisingly sober compared to his friends. One of the other humans in a rather flowy blue garment ended up close to him. The human had a drink in their hand and they looked rather glazed in the eyes.

He didn’t hear their conversation, but he watched Vir turn and then immediately stumble backwards crashing into the floor before scrambling on hands and knees through the dancing figures and then out of sight.

A chair crashed to the ground next to his table, and he yelped in surprise scooting even further towards the center as a couple of humans hit the floor next to him.

 He hid there until morning light danced delicately across the floor casting rays over humans passed out from their late night drinking. Many of the humans had left, but many still remained collapsed others sitting at tables in various states of sleep.

Krill quietly crawled from under the table and went floating around the party not recognizing any of the humans until he moved onto the grass outside of the patio and found Sunny and Vir asleep next to the tent covering. Sunny lay flat on her back in the grass head lolling to the side with Vir tucked against her side under one of her arms head resting against her armored plates. His suit jacket lay over him like a blanket and his tie lay in the grass to the side.

Krill sighed and rolled his eyes looking back at the horrifying aftermath of their party. The collapsed humans, the strewn bodies, it looked like a warzone.

He almost wondered if the Drev way of fighting each other to submission would be less barbaric.

[winduphaurchefant]

REALLY LONG CHARACTER SURVEY » Reese Farouel

RULES.  Repost, don’t reblog! Tag 10! Good luck!

TAGGED BY. @to-the-voiceless

TAGGING. @fivebrights and anyone else who wants to do it since the rest of flowr has been tagged

BASICS.

FULL  NAME : Charalise Farouel

NICKNAME : Reese, which she uses instead of her actual first name. It stuck.

AGE : 28

BIRTHDAY : 28th day of the 6th umbral moon (12/28)

ETHNIC  GROUP : Elezen / Wildwood and Duskwight parentage

NATIONALITY : Sharlayan

LANGUAGE / S : Eorzean Common, Sharlayan, and bits of some niche languages.

ORIENTATION : Bi (is inexperienced with the concept of polyamory but might be willing to try if it comes up)

RELATIONSHIP STATUS : In flowrverse (our fc where we are All wol)) she’s most likely taken by Haurchefant because there’s absolutely no fucking way he’d die on her watch. In-game universe is less concrete, her self esteem is quite low so she doesn’t actively seek relationships but she’s prone to getting crushes easily; Urianger being one of them.

HOME  TOWN / AREA : The Sharlayan Colony, Dravania

CURRENT HOME : A small cottage on the very fringes of the Lavender Beds. Also technically Fortemps manor and her room in the Pendants.

PROFESSION : Scholar (in the literal sense), Adventurer, and Warrior of Light 

PHYSICAL.

HAIR : Café au lait blonde. She used to have it quite long, reaching past her hips, not styled in any specific way but brushed at least. After the Seventh Umbral Calamity she’s kept it quite short for practical purposes and usually hacks away at it herself, much to her friend Lunya’s chagrin.

EYES : Almond shaped eyes of deep blue with a halo of gold around the pupil, accentuated by her thick brows which are uncommon for most Elezen.

FACE : An oval shaped face with a tall, straight nose. Not overly animated in her expressions since the calamity.

LIPS : Has somewhat pouty lips and a bad habit of lip biting

COMPLEXION : Fair skin that freckles easily, she has the ability to tan but makes sure to apply salves to her skin before leaving for areas with more intense sunlight. Lots of moles, with a few noticeable ones on her face.

BLEMISHES : None that are noticeable 

SCARS : A Lot. She has a very prominent scar across her back which she usually likes to cover up.

TATTOOS : None. She enjoys seeing other people’s tattoos but wouldn’t get one for herself, she hates feeling stuck with something.

HEIGHT : Average height for an Elezen at around 6′3″

WEIGHT : 180 lbs give or take, most of it is muscle

BUILD : Tall and lean, quite muscular but not very toned. Her muscles were built more for purpose and less for show, like a power lifter. She could probably roundhouse kick someones head clean off. Pear shaped.

FEATURES : Her prominent brows and two moles beside her right eye

ALLERGIES : No known allergies, but she can get sick very easily.

USUAL  HAIR  STYLE :  When it was long she usually just wore it down and free flowing, she does the same with her short hair although it doesn’t flow as much.

USUAL  FACE  LOOK : Her expression is usually quite stoic with a hint of Very Tired to spice things up. Is known frequently to come down with a case of RBF

USUAL  CLOTHING : Loose tunics and some fitted trousers and boots when she’s sitting around researching or not doing much, she’ll just pile on armour as needed. Starts to wear things that are a bit more form fitting or aesthetically pleasing as she becomes more comfortable with herself.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S : Heights, being trapped, death, death of loved ones, failure, being abandoned, and... spiders

ASPIRATION / S :  To just be... content. Surrounded by people she loves and who earnestly love her in return.

POSITIVE  TRAITS : Empathetic, resilient, compassionate, she is the unstoppable force and the immovable object.

NEGATIVE  TRAITS : She is the unstoppable force and the immovable object. Tends to bottle her feelings and has a hard time trusting people. Self-sacrificing. Low self worth.

MBTI : INFP-T (Mediator) 

ZODIAC : Althyk (Capricorn)

TEMPERAMENT : Cross between phlegmatic and melancholic

SOUL  TYPE / S : Server

ANIMALS : Dire wolf, lioness, sparrow

VICE HABIT / S: Prone to bouts of just... lying there. Doesn’t sleep very well so she ends up half finishing a lot of things.

FAITH : Unsure

GHOSTS ? : Yes.

AFTERLIFE ? : Possibly

REINCARNATION ? : Possibly

ALIENS ? : Anything’s possible!

POLITICAL ALIGNMENT : She really doesn’t like thinking about politics after being absolutely smothered by The Bibliothecs. Very left leaning

EDUCATION  LEVEL : Received a proper education at the Studium in Old Sharlayan, sponsored by a certain Archon. Her interests were too varied to become an Archon and was constantly belittled for her niche areas of study. If she only applied herself...

FAMILY.

FATHER : Barnimonchet Farouel. (Status Unknown)  Archon Barnimonchet was the foremost expert on aetherytes and aetherical travel. Having led repairs to multiple aetheryte systems across Eorzea and a member of the Antitower excursion team, he drifted (literally) quite frequently between the Studium and the colony. Despite his meek nature and tendency to ramble, there is no doubting that he was worthy of the title of Archon.

MOTHER : Nenne Farouel née Phillone (Status Unknown) Archon Nenne was a master in the studies of all things alchemical, including potions, crystal structures, and inks for grimoires and tomes. Her preferred area of study was researching ways to better the body and mind, noting the aetherical compositions of different beings and brewing revitalizing concotions; especially her recent invention which coined the term "Craftman's Tea", creating the recipe as a way to help her husband in his work. She often found herself in the Arboretum gathering ingredients and helping out her fellows tasked with groundskeeping, scolding tones of "Barn!" could be frequently heard echoing through the Telmatology quarter as her husband and formerly mentioned Archon fumbled his way through the vined walkways to visit her.

SIBLINGS : None

EXTENDED  FAMILY : No knowledge of extended blood family. The closest she had to a parental figure was Archon Louisoix who had originally offered to babysit her as a babe when her parents left on orders to study an aetherical disturbance, after which they disappeared. He took on the role as a surrogate parent for her, having no trust in Sharlayan’s current care system. Takes on an older sibling role with the younger scions.

NAME MEANING / S : I named her Reese Peepo because I like Reese’s Pieces and the peepo video was popular at the time. Charalise is a nonsense name I gave her to fit in with why she’s Reese. 

HISTORICAL  CONNECTION ?: none

FAVORITES.

BOOK : She loves history books with any knowledge predating the fourth astral era, and has been known to read the occasional romance novel when no one is looking. Has grown to hate learning about anything Allagan.

DEITY : No specific deity

HOLIDAY : Starlight Celebration

MONTH : October (Fifth umbral moon)

SEASON :  Fall/Winter

PLACE : Urth’s Gift

WEATHER : Rain

SOUND / S: Wind blowing through the trees, crackling of firewood, morning bird calls, the cello

SCENT / S :  Clean laundry, freshly baked goods, flowers, cut grass

TASTE / S :  Savoury, warm spices, nothing too sweet

FEEL / S : Heavy blankets, smooth crystal, soft leaves

ANIMAL / S : All

NUMBER : none

COLORS : Earthy colours and the blue of the ocean on a clear day

EXTRA.

TALENTS : Gardening, sword fighting, art, singing (she usually does it by herself), healing magic

BAD  AT : Staying level headed, opening up, decorating, fashion

TURN  ONS : Honesty, good sense of humour, kindness

TURN  OFFS : Cruelty, making fun of her interests, being ignored, arrogance

HOBBIES : Researching lost civilizations, anything creative, cooking

TROPES : Rage Breaking Point, It Sucks to Be the Chosen One, Big Fucking Sword, Adorkable, Conveniently an Orphan, Friend to All Living Things, Broken Hero,  I Just Want to Be Loved, Badass Bookworm

QUOTES : 

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 : If you could write your character your way in their own movie,  what would it be called,  what style would it be filmed in, and what would it be about?          

A1 : Probably a LOTR-esque high fantasy adventure movie

Q2 : What would their soundtrack/score sound like?         ��

A2 : Lots of cello and choir pieces

Q3 : Why did you start writing this character?          

A3 : She’s basically my self insert but with a little extra Oomph

Q4 : What first attracted you to this character?          

A4 :  She’s basically my self insert

Q5 : Describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse.

A5 : She’s not very expressive, she’s not used to being super goofy or anything which I am

Q6 : What do you have in common with your muse?          

A6 : Lots

Q7 : How does your muse feel about you?          

A7 : Probably pretty chill, would probably go and get pizza together

Q8 : What characters does your muse have interesting interactions with?        

A8 : Haurchefant intentionally or unintentionally tends to break her stony facade with his ceaseless flirting and a barrage of compliments which usually ends up with Reese either cracking a little smile or turning beet red and abruptly leaving the room. He brings out the morosexual in her. She instantly becomes brighter than the sun when she’s around anyone far younger than her, switching to a more motherly persona. Alphinaud and Alisaie receive the brunt of her affections before Ryne comes along. Neither will admit to the fact they both actually enjoy it.

Q9 : What gives you inspiration to write your muse?        

A9 : Honestly       listening to LOZ music since she’s basically Link but a little bit to the left

Q10 : How long did this take you to complete?          

A10 : F.....four days

[gwentoryfics]

Hot for Teacher, Part 1.

REPOSTED FROM MY ORIGINAL BLOG, GWENTORY.

Genre | College Student x College Professor Smut AU

Pairing | Hongseok x Reader x Hyunggu (Kino)

Words | 9.5k

Summary | You never realized how much one drunken night could color the rest of your college experience until you discover that the handsome stranger from your cousin’s wedding is also the new professor at your university.

Warnings | Alcohol and underage drinking. Swearing. Dangerous levels of lust.

Parts | 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 •  More Coming Soon AO3 | 1 • 2

Playlist | Spotify • Youtube

Note | Due to excessive references to American music, I’ve decided to set this fic in America instead of South Korea. Names will follow the American standard of (First Name) (Last Name), instead of the Korean (Family Name) (Given Name). I’ve also linked a playlist (above) that includes any referenced songs, artists, or other music that helps set the vibe, so please check it out!

This can’t be happening. This absolutely, cannot be happening to you right now.

You stare at your professor in shock from the safety of the back of the classroom, hoping to all that is holy that he will not look up to find you sitting there. How could he of all people be your professor? How could you possibly be so unlucky?

Your heart races as your mind clouds over with the memory of that night, of the press of his lips and the fervid insistence of his hands as they explored your body. In a night of slightly drunken passion, you had unknowingly slept with the man who was apparently fated to be your professor. You feel like you could cry from embarrassment, and you bury your head in your notebook as he begins roll call.

“Are you okay? You look like you’re going to be sick.” Your friend Shinhye leans over, voice thick with worry.

You nod, not exactly wanting to fill her in on quite possibly the biggest blunder of your life. Maybe you’d share the story of your sexual escapades with her at some point, but sitting in the same room as your partner in crime is not the time or place to do so. “I’m fine. Just having second thoughts about the class.”

“Shinhye Nam?” He calls flatly from the front of the class.

“Here!” She pipes up and then whispers to you, “What? You’ve been looking forward to this class for months!”

“Yeah, but-”

“_____?” The sound of his voice wrapping around the syllables of your name sends a delicious shiver down your spine. You remember that sound, remember exactly the song of your name as it poured from his lungs that night.

“Here,” you respond meekly, lifting your notebook a fraction higher to give you more cover. Does he remember your name? Does he recognize your voice? Does he remember you at all? Surely he hadn’t been drunk enough to completely forget your tryst.

He moves on to the next name without pause, without even sparing a glance your way. Maybe he had forgotten after all. Maybe you’ve been completely wiped from his memory of that night. Or, conversely, maybe he had only forgotten your name, just as you’ve forgotten his. That doesn’t necessarily mean that your night together was insignificant to him.

It should have been insignificant, though. That’s how hookups work. You bite down on your lip and curse yourself for all of the stupid feelings that flood you, curse the way your heart pounds harder just being in the same room as him. It was just one night, and even though it rocked you to your core it was nothing more than a one-and-done rendezvous.

It was maybe a month and a half ago, but your memory of it is much clearer than it should be, especially given the alcohol consumption that colored most of your evening in a rosy haze. Maybe you had worked overtime to engrain every little detail into your memory because you knew you would never want to forget.

Your cousin’s wedding was a gorgeous affair. Lavish floral arrangements adorned the walls and pews, and sanctuary of the church, each bundle of white roses bound together with violet ribbons and lace. Music floated out from grand piano and violin duo, and oh what you would have done to get your hands on that Steinway. Its tone was pure as snow and you bet it played like a dream. And with the reverberating acoustics of the tall church ceiling, its sound was nothing short of angelic.

The priest led the groom in from the side. You had not yet met Hwitaek, but he was handsome and bore a kind, nervous smile. He looked like exactly the kind of guy Jiyoo would fall for, and it made you happy to see the apparent anxious excitement he had for the event.

The music changed and the processional began. The bridesmaids and groomsmen made their way down the aisle two at a time, arm in arm, and you were captivated by the elegant dresses the bridal party wore. The purple of their gowns exactly matched the accents of the flowers in their bouquets, and the bodices were intricately decorated with the finest crystals. The girls absolutely sparkled. But, of course, they could never outshine the bride.

All of the attendants stood as the music changed once more, signaling the entrance of the bride. Jiyoo appeared at the end of the aisle, clinging to her father’s arm as they slowly moved forward. The skirt of her ballgown dress nearly filled the whole aisle, and the sweetheart neckline hid behind a sheer lace boat neck top with cap sleeves. It was so stunningly her. And her bouquet was dripping with crystals, her veil and train similarly doused in glitz. But above all, she looked so, so happy.

She joined Hwitaek, passing off her bouquet and taking his hand, and you realized that he had tears in his eyes. Yes, he was definitely the sweetheart for Jiyoo.

The priest opened the ceremony with a prayer, and you obediently bowed your head, although you were admittedly on the fence about your religious beliefs. Still, you sent out some hopeful well-wishes for the soon-to-be newlyweds, because it couldn’t hurt to put some good energy out into the universe.

The ceremony proceeded, and although beautiful, it certainly lacked entertainment value. Not that weddings are meant to be entertaining, per se, but the more religious ceremonies could really drudge on, in your opinion. This one was certainly no exception. There were plenty of scripture readings and hymns, most of which you knew by heart due to spending your childhood in a very similar church. But right as you were starting to feel boredom blur your focus, you noticed him.

He was a groomsman, two down the line from Hwitaek. His tux looked as though it had been made for him, crisp and clean and sitting just right on his broad shoulders. He could have been a model, or a celebrity even, for all you knew. He was certainly far too gorgeous to just be an ordinary person. His dark hair hung soft on his forehead, his eyes were sharp, his lips were plush. How had it taken you so long to notice him?

For the rest of the ceremony you found yourself to be quite preoccupied, as one would imagine. The borderline salacious thoughts that filtered through your mind almost made you feel uncomfortable to be sitting in the house of God, so you did your best to train your eyes on Jiyoo and Hwitaek instead of the unfortunate, unreal beauty of the groomsman.

Finally, after far too long of a ceremony, the couple shared their first kiss as husband and wife, and the whole party recessed down the aisle. You thought you were in the clear, since The World’s Biggest Distraction was finally leaving, but then the damn boy looked squarely at you as he walked by.

You swear your panties literally (not literally) disintegrated.

Back in the classroom, Shinhye kicks your chair, startling you back to the present. “Girl, snap out of it. Why are you so spacey?”

You sit up a little straighter, dropping your notebook onto the desk and blurting, “Yeah, no, it’s fine.”

Your nonsense earns you a weird look, which you make right back at her before glancing to the front of the room, where The Hottest Professor is staring right at you.

Well, you couldn’t have avoided it forever.

His gaze lingers just long enough for you to know that he recognizes you, that he’s having the same mild freakout as you. So he does remember.

Clearing his throat, he breaks eye contact and casually looks around the room as he introduces himself. “Good morning everyone, and welcome to the first day of classes. I am Professor Yang. It is very nice to meet all of you.” He picks up a stack of papers from his desk and starts passing the packets down each row, working his way to the back of the room. “This is a two-part class. For the first seven weeks we will meet here in the classroom and learn the basics of physics as they pertain to musical instruments. The following eight weeks will be spent in the workshop across the hall, where you will each build your own instrument with my guidance.”

You intentionally keep your eyes glued to the blank page of your notebook, and you curse yourself for having chosen the seat at the beginning of the row. He holds the last of his packets out to you, standing close enough that you can smell the sweet cardamom and bergamot of his cologne. Damn, you love that smell.

“You’ll notice my office hours listed here on the syllabus. My office is right down at the end of the hall. Please feel free to stop in if there are ever any questions or concerns about the course material.”

It feels as though his words are directed specifically at you instead of the entirety of the class, and you can’t help but wonder if you’re only imagining it. You begrudgingly peek up at him and he nods encouragingly, still waiting for you to take the papers. When you finally grab the meager stack, he immediately heads back to the front of the class without so much as a smile. But what else should you expect? He’s probably not happy about this situation either.

The syllabus states his office location and hours as well as a phone number, which you assume is for an office phone. He would be insane to give out his personal phone number, especially being as attractive as he is. Students would certainly take advantage of that, yourself not included. You know better. You want absolutely nothing to do with this man if he’s your teacher.

Professor Hongseok Yang. You groan and slump down in your chair.

What have you done?

The reception was held in the banquet hall of a hotel not too far from the church. It was an elegant setting, with pretty white tables and chairs and more of the same extravagant floral arrangements for centerpieces. The lavender lighting cast a soft glow on the sheer white curtains billowing softly by the open windows, a pleasant summer breeze filling the room with fresh air. The calming color and soothing evening air did nothing to relax your nerves, though, your leg jiggling up and down to release the nervous energy within you.

You anxiously awaited the arrival of the wedding party, sipping at the champagne meant for a toast and convincing yourself that you were getting worked up over nothing. It’s not like anything would happen. You would never in a million years work up the courage necessary to speak to the groomsman. He was way out of your league; you’d just clam up and look like an idiot if you tried to start a conversation. It would definitely be much safer to keep to yourself.

Really, the whole thing was stupid. You were there to support your cousin, not to fawn over some guy. It was absurd for you to be so bothered by your sudden love interest to the point of meticulously planning out the rest of the night in order to avoid being around him. Yet there you were, completely intent on spending the night at your table, having a night of simple conversation and safe, good fun. And eventually you’d get out of your seat to congratulate the happy couple, but that’s it. Your mom would be so proud.

Your cousin had been kind enough to seat you at a table with your other cousins instead of your parents. You wouldn’t have minded sitting with your parents, but if you had the choice you’d much rather be around people your own age. Your parents could be a little uptight (well, more than a little, especially when going to family events), and even if you were going to have a low-key night, you’d have a much better time gossiping with your cousins instead of constantly having to reassure your mother that she looks just as beautiful as your aunts without looking overdone.

All you wanted was a relaxed, stress free night. But when had things ever gone the way you planned?

You had tried not to stare at him. You really had. But some things just can’t be helped. The wedding party made their entrance, and you were drawn to him like a moth to a flame. He glowed when he smiled, burning brighter than the sun, but you were unable to look away and save yourself, completely trapped in the warmth of his light.

You realized that at least a fraction of your attraction to him was likely due to the personality you were projecting onto him - he seemed clever, funny, stubborn - but he might not have been any of those things. Maybe he was bookish, or a sports fanatic. Maybe he loved puppies and children, or cigarettes and motorcycles. You only had one way to find out for sure, but you would certainly not be learning those things about him tonight or any other night.

When the meal was finished and the dancing had begun, you just couldn’t keep your eyes off of him. He and the other groomsmen partied hard, tearing up the dance floor and taking full advantage of the open bar. The particular man that had caught your eye left his jacket at the table, rolling up his sleeves to reveal his veiny forearms - dangerous, as you were far too easily affected by impressive vasculature. He had to be covered in muscles, you just knew it.

Minseo, who had been sitting next to you all night, returned from the bar with a round of beverages for the both of you. “Bless Jiyoo for asking a friend to bartend. He’s not carding and honestly he’s super cute.”

“What I’m hearing is that we need to down these drinks as fast as possible so you can get back up there and talk to him again.” You gratefully accepted the wine glass, immediately pulling it to your lips and taking a deep sip of the dry, fruity beverage.

“Not a bad idea. And next time I’ll get a more complicated drink.” She smiled mischievously, taking a long sip of her own wine, which was already half finished. “What about you? When are you gonna go out there and dance? He’ll never notice you sitting over here.”

Wine dribbled down your chin when you pulled away from your glass too soon, and you sloppily wiped it off with the back of your hand before it could drip onto your dress. “What? Who? What are you talking about?” You blubbered, face growing warm, realizing that she had caught you. Your staring must have been too obvious.

“Come on. The groomsman. You can’t keep your eyes off of him. I’m telling you to go make a move.” She plopped into her seat. “Seriously. Go get it.”

Vehemently shaking your head, you refuse to take her up on any of her ludicrous suggestions. “Are you kidding me? I can’t just walk up to him and… and…”

“No, you’re right, you’re right. We’ll go together.” Minseo downed the rest of her drink and waited for you to do the same.

You continued your head-shaking routine, adding a finger wag for emphasis. “No way. I’m staying right here where it’s safe. The DJ isn’t that great anyway. Do you hear this music? I can’t dance to this.”

Just as soon as you mentioned it, the music cut out, drawing your attention to the DJ’s stand. Shinhye twisted in her seat to look over. “What’s he doing? The song isn’t even over.”

“See? I told you-”

“Alright, single ladies!” The DJ shouted way too loudly into the microphone. “Let’s get all of you out here and toss that bouquet!”

Minseo’s head whipped around like something out of a horror movie. Before she could say a single word, you took to shaking your head once more. “No, no, no. I am not going up there.”

You knew she wouldn’t listen to your futile attempts at refusal. Minseo stood, forcefully grabbing your wrists and yanking you out of your chair. “Come on, it’s for Jiyoo. Just stand there and look involved.”

Begrudgingly, you let her drag you to the center of the room, where you joined at least fifteen other bachelorettes. You tucked yourself amongst them, wishing you could just be invisible. Jiyoo smiled brightly at her flock of targets before turning her back, and when the DJ counted down from three, she flung her beautiful bouquet into the air.

And wouldn’t you know it, the damn thing flew right for you.

It arced high in the air, but it didn’t take a genius to see where it was going to land. You lifted your hands and it fell right into your grasp; you didn’t even have to reach for it. The room was all cheers and applause as you very suddenly became the center of attention, Jiyoo closing in to congratulate you.

“Ahhh, my baby cousin!” She squealed as she wrapped her arms around you in a big hug, her poofy dress swallowing your legs. “You know that means you’re next, right?”

“Next to get married?” You question with a quiet laugh. “That seems unlikely. I don’t know if you’ve noticed how very much single I am.”

“But the flowers have commanded that you’ll fall in love.” Jiyoo winked playfully, and you couldn’t help but smile, even if you didn’t believe in such superstitions.

The wedding photographer snapped a few photos of the two of you, and for a moment you forgot all about the beautiful distraction that was currently seated at the head table. You squeezed your cousin tightly, congratulating her on this big step into womanhood. “I’m so happy for you, Jiyoo! Your new husband is super cute, too.”

“He is, isn’t he.” She smiled wide and then gasped. “You haven’t met him yet, have you?”

“Not yet, actually.”

Nodding her head towards the front of the room, she took your hand sweetly. “That needs to change. You’ll love him.”

“I’m sure I will.” You laughed and eagerly followed her to their table before you could realize who else waited there. And by the time you saw the groomsman seated there, it was already too late.

“Hwitaek!” Jiyoo called as you both approached. “Come here, sweetie.”

Hwitaek, who was mid-conversation with the cause of your demise, patted said instigator on the back and looped around the table to come meet you. You fixated on him to keep your eyes from straying over to the man with the perfect face, and it seemed to work out okay.

“Hwitaek, this is my cousin, _____.” Jiyoo introduced you. “She caught the bouquet!”

“It’s so nice to meet you!” Hwitaek enthusiastically drew you into a hug, and you wondered if the extremely friendly gesture was at all fueled by alcohol. Maybe he was just a friendly guy. “Congratulations on the bouquet catch!”

“Thank you,” you laughed as he released you. “And congratulations to you on the marriage! That’s certainly a bigger deal than the flowers.”

He smiled sweetly, tucking Jiyoo under his arm. “Thank you. I’m a very lucky man. She’s my best friend.”

Jiyoo beamed, and your heart warmed. They were absolutely precious together, the love between them practically tangible. Maybe one day you could find a love like that.

Just then, the DJ came in with some shitty, generic pop song, and Jiyoo perked up. “Oh my gosh, I love this song! Let’s dance!” She started to pull both you and Hwitaek back towards the dance floor, but you returned to your default mode.

“I’m actually really thirsty, so I’m going to get some more to drink. But you two have fun!” It was much easier to slip out of Jiyoo’s grip than it was when Minseo held your wrist, and Jiyoo and Hwitaek carried on just fine without you.

And then you made the mistake of turning directly towards the hot groomsman.

You met his eyes and froze. Everything stopped. Your tongue dried up, nothing more than a hardened sponge in your mouth, and your pulse slowed to a halt. You were dead. Absolutely, unequivocally dead. Taken by the unmatched lethal power of a perfectly executed seductive gaze.

Jesus Christ, you were drowning in lust.

He raised an eyebrow at you, looking amused by the goldfish expression you bore. “Hi.”

Oh, dear Lord, even his voice was beautiful. You needed to get out of there fast. With a nod and awkward sort of salute, you took off, finding solace in the safety of your table. You plopped into your chair and practically inhaled the rest of your wine, dropping the bouquet onto the table and wondering how much longer you would have to suffer through this reception.

It would have been nice to have some relief. To get a moment to compose yourself and let your heart rate return to normal. But Minseo, the everloving bane of your existence, could not let that happen.

You spotted her on the dance floor. She looked over her shoulder back at you, a devilish expression on her face, and you realized that she was definitely up to no good.

Minseo had always been a troublemaker and bad influence over you. She was your closest cousin for sure, and had been a good friend of yours all your life. You loved her to death, but Jesus Christ she really knew how to push your buttons.

Born without a single shy bone in her body, she practically shimmied right up to the groomsmen, targeting the one with the sharp eyes and plush lips and dark, soft hair. The one with his sleeves rolled up, the one that you’re convinced is the most attractive man to ever exist. She zeroed in on him, leaning in far too close as she spoke into his ear. And then she pulled back only to point at you, and suddenly his eyes were locked on yours once more.

And this time, he smiled. Oh Lord in Heaven, he smiled. At you. And your heart went up in flames. Total destruction. There were no survivors.

You ripped your eyes from his, suddenly sweating profusely and somehow out of breath. Your trembling hands lifted the remainder of Minseo’s wine to your mouth and you sucked it all down, realizing that you were far too sober to make it through the night alive. And much to your terror, you set the empty glass onto the table and looked up to see him headed straight for you.

Panicked, you rose to your feet and took off in the opposite direction, hurtling yourself towards the bathroom so you could hide.

Once you burst through the door, you flicked cold water onto the back of your neck, wishing you could douse your whole face in it without messing up your makeup. Instead you just took a few deep breaths, trying to calm yourself because you were clearly overreacting in every sense of the word.

Why were you so terrified? He was just a guy, albeit a drop dead gorgeous one. That kind of beauty was frankly quite intimidating, though, and you just knew you’d look like an idiot if you had to say a single word to him.

You considered a plethora of escape routes, including begging your parents to drive you home early and climbing out of the small frosted-glass window right there in the corner of the bathroom. But were you really that much of a chicken? Were you really going to let one attractive guy scare you off?

Then you remembered the way he smiled, remembered the way you trembled at the sight of him. He intrigued you, piqued your interest. You were curious what he might be like as a person, a kisser, a lover. You nursed your lower lip between teeth, absolutely giddy at the thought of getting him alone. Sex with him would be incredible, no doubt about it.

Since when were you so shameless, imagining all sorts of lewd scenarios centering around a complete stranger, though gorgeous he may be? You didn’t do hookups. You didn’t do one night stands. Sleeping around was not your thing. But with him… you felt inclined to completely abandon your sense of morality. He sparked something within you that you hadn’t felt, well, probably ever.

That was likely why you were terrified enough to run and hide the second he turned his attention your way - because you had the vague feeling that you would let him do anything he wanted to you, and it’s both thrilling and frightening to know someone could have that kind of power. Especially when you don’t even know the man. Sure, you have a history of being unable to function properly around attractive males in your usual sober circumstances. But this was definitely more than just a fear of looking a fool. It was you avoiding the dangerous call of forbidden pleasures and the path to losing your morality. But most of all, it was the distress over the unsettling feeling that you might actually be okay with stepping out of your comfort zone if it meant you could experience him.

You just weren’t sure how to deal with any of that.

As class wraps up, you pack up your things and wonder if you should say something to him. Should you acknowledge what happened between you? Or would it be best to just ignore it, pretend like it never happened? Maybe you should just let him take the lead on this one.

Before you can really decide one way or the other, Shinhye starts making a scene. “You know, ______, maybe you’re right to be second guessing this class. I’m not sure an eight AM is good for you. Did you pay attention at all?”

“It’s not a big deal, Shinhye, honest.” You speak quietly but harshly, your words carrying more bite than you intend. You glance up at Professor Yang, who is also gathering his things. If he’s eavesdropping on the conversation, he certainly gives no sign of it.

“Really? I’ve never seen you so distracted. Maybe bring a coffee next week. He said he’ll allow drinks in the classroom.”

You sling your backpack over your shoulder, muttering under your breath. “Come on, let’s get going.”

“Alright, now she’s awake!” Shinhye grabs her bag and leads the way.

As you follow her to the door, you peek over at Professor Yang again. He’s busying himself with unplugging his laptop from the projector, and he doesn’t even spare a glance your way as you exit the room. You hate the way your chest tightens, almost as if you’re disappointed.

You catch up to Shinhye and follow her to the dining hall to grab some brunch. Class was scheduled until noon but he dismissed early, stating that the four hour classes were only really necessary during the workshop half of the semester and you’ll likely be free to go around eleven until then.

You don’t exactly feel hungry, though, your stomach too full of nerves to desire any food. So you sit at the table with only a coffee, per Shinhye’s recommendation. You probably do need it, honestly.

“How old do you think Professor Yang is? He looks awfully young to be teaching at a university.” Shinhye tears into her omelette.

Well, he’s friends with Hwitaek, who you believe to be in his mid-twenties, so maybe he’s around there too? But you can’t bring any of that up without divulging exactly what had occurred between the two of you. “He does look pretty young.”

“He said he studied and worked as a luthier for the last ten years… I feel like he has to be in his late twenties at least, but he certainly doesn’t look it. Or maybe he just started his apprenticeship pretty young. I wonder if there’s an age requirement for that sort of thing?”

“A luthier?” You question, not familiar with the term.

Shinhye cocks her head. “Yeah, ______. A luthier. Professor Yang talked all about it. You really weren’t paying attention, were you?”

“I guess not.” You chew your bottom lip. Your head really was somewhere else all morning.

Thankfully Shinhye fills you in without dragging you too much. “A luthier is someone who makes string instruments. Professor Yang explained all about how he did this luthier apprenticeship and how he specializes in making guitars when he’s not teaching.”

“That’s actually really cool,” you murmur. You imagine what he must look like playing guitar, or working with tools in the workshop, and you can’t help but feel impressed just picturing about it. A thought occurs to you, and you accidentally verbalize, “Oh that makes so much sense!”

“What does?”

You clamp your mouth shut. You can’t tell Shinhye that you understand now why his hands felt so rough when they slid under your dress, how you know exactly where each callous resides on his fingers. Somehow you manage to rescue yourself with, “It makes sense that he’s teaching something like this, you know, because obviously someone who has so much experience should be the one to teach the class. It’s just obvious. So like, it makes sense.”

Shinhye shakes her head slowly. “I just don’t get you.”

Maybe you’ll tell her one day. But it just seems unnecessary, especially because it’s bad news that you’ve ever been involved with a professor. The fewer people that know, the better.

After camping out in the restroom of the hotel for an appropriate amount of time, you finally gathered your wits about you and headed out into the wild once more. You had reasoned with yourself, finally coming to the conclusion that you were a grown(ish) woman who did not need to hide from boys. Instead, you would handle yourself like a true grown(ish) woman and boost your morale with a little (albeit illegal) liquid courage.

You headed straight for the bar, posting up there and chugging a glass of wine before immediately ordering another. Ah, to be a lady.

As you accepted your second glass, a voice next to you asked for a bourbon. You were thankful you did not have any wine in your mouth as you looked up to find none other than the most beautiful man in the world standing next to you - you definitely would have spit it out all over him. He smiled warmly at you, and if it didn’t feel like your knees were about to give out, you definitely would have sprinted back to the restroom, grown(ish) woman morale be damned.

He must have sensed your self-consciousness because he said with a laugh, “Please don’t run away from me again. I promise I don’t bite.”

You immediately squashed the thought of oh I wish you would, refusing to let that little gem slip past your lips. Instead you just took a long drink, completely unsure of what to say.

He wasn’t dissuaded by your silence, though, and you weren’t positive if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Leaning against the counter, he turned his body to face you, calm confidence pouring out from him in waves. “Your cousin said you wanted to dance with me, but that you might need some convincing. I’m not so persistent that I won’t take no for an answer, so if you say no I’ll leave you alone. But I thought I should at least try for a yes.”

The way his lips formed his words absolutely hypnotized you. How could a person be so stunning?

“I thought if nothing else, I might be able to at least have a conversation with you. I didn’t expect it to be quite so challenging, though. Usually it’s easy to get girls to talk to me.”

You snapped out of your dazed state with a laugh, your jaw dropping at his bold assertion. “That’s incredibly cocky of you to say, don’t you think?”

He shrugged casually. “It got you to talk, didn’t it?”

You took another sip, eyebrow raised. Touché.

“So what’s it going to take to get you to dance with me?” He smiled that beautiful, breathtaking smile of his, and it intoxicated you. Or maybe it was just the wine finally kicking in. Either way, you were hopeless. Looking away from you briefly, he accepted the short glass of amber liquid the bartender handed him, and you admired the strong line of his jaw and neck as he nodded his thanks.

Holding tightly onto your glass, you ripped your gaze from him before he could turn back to you and mulled over his inquiry. If you drank any more wine, it would probably be fairly easy for him to get you to dance, but you knew better than to spill those beans. So you respond to his question with a much safer answer: “Maybe a different DJ.”

He laughed warmly, and the sound of it turned your world upside down. “Yeah, he’s not great. Any wedding DJ that’s got ‘Y.M.C.A.’ on their playlist should not be a wedding DJ.”

You lifted your glass in agreement, intrigued. “I’ll drink to that. If you’re going to play something from the seventies, at least make it good. Give me some Marvin Gaye, or Donna Summer. Maybe a little Rufus with Chaka Khan for extra brownie points.”

His eyes tracked over your face as he clinked his glass against yours. “Some Earth, Wind and Fire, perhaps?”

Sucking air through your teeth, you squinted disapprovingly. “They can get a little campy.”

“Excuse you, ‘Boogie Wonderland’ is a classic.”

“About as classic as ‘Y.M.C.A.’” You snarked back at him, surprised by how at ease you were beginning to feel. The wine had definitely kicked in. Your brain felt warm and fuzzy, your limbs pleasantly tingly. “You know what’s cool?”

“Hm?” The glass in his hand met his lips and somewhere in the back of your mind you registered a touch of jealousy. Over a damn glass. What the literal shit.

You shook your head as quickly and minutely as possible to clear your thoughts and get back on track with what you wanted to say. “Um… Ah, wedding bands. Why don’t people hire bands anymore? Get some live music going. That’s awesome. That’s what’s good.”

“You’re really passionate about music, aren’t you?” Soft endearment coated his voice like honey, his sweet eyes scanning your face and making your heart flutter.

You nodded, shyness creeping up on you once again. He was miles out of your league, and it was honestly unreal that he’d even give you the time of day. Yet there he was, talking to you like you actually had a chance. Well… maybe you actually did.

An effortlessly sexy grin tugged at his lips. “So I know there’s not a wedding band tonight, and we’ve already established that this DJ kind of sucks… but is there any chance I could get you to dance with me despite all of that?”

And there it was - your chance. He could have very easily dropped the idea of dancing altogether after chatting with you and forming a more educated opinion of you. But the conversation must have gone okay because he still wanted to dance. And there he was, smiling all pretty and waiting for a response and you knew that you didn’t exactly have a choice when he looked at you that way.

“Let me finish this first.” Your voice sounded a lot more steady and confident than you expected, which left you pleasantly surprised with yourself.

“That’s fair.” He nodded and took a sip of his drink, finally looking away and giving you a chance to breathe. Changing the subject, he asked, “You here for the bride or groom? My guess is bride, since I haven’t seen you before.”

“Bride. She’s my cousin. And I’m guessing you’re with the groom, for obvious reasons.” You gestured to his tux, the symbol of his relationship to the groom.

“Perceptive,” he teased. “Yeah, he’s a long time friend of mine.”

With a big gulp of wine, you nodded. Almost done. You were really doing this. “They seem like a good pair. I hadn’t met Hwitaek until today - maybe thirty minutes ago, actually. But he seems like a good guy and she’s definitely happy.”

“Ah, right, I think I saw you meeting him.”

You froze up, remembering the awkward staring contest that followed your introduction to Hwitaek. With an uncomfortable chuckle, you spit out, “Right, I think you did.”

Now there was something more mischievous in his grin, and you knew he brought that up on purpose to see how you’d react. Pleased, he took another drink, and you were bewitched by the way his adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “I see them together a lot, and they’re a perfect match. Hwitaek is very good to Jiyoo, don’t worry. And she’s great, she fits right in with the whole lot of us.”

“That’s good to hear.” You were relieved that he didn’t linger on the subject - your life wasn’t over yet. So you smiled, finally on your last sip. You throw it back, and the warm buzz at the corners of your mind gave you the confidence you needed to place your empty glass on the bar counter and face him. “What’s your name?”

“Hongseok. Yours?” He smirked, effectively chipping away at your newfound courage, and finished off his own drink.

“_____.”

“_____,” he repeated your name, testing it out on his tongue, and it sounded absolutely wonderful. You needed to hear it once more, and you made it your personal goal to make him say it again before the end of the night. He held out his arm for you to take, stirring up the tipsy butterflies in your stomach. “Shall we?”

With a shaky inhale, you hooked your hand in the crook of his elbow, noting the way his bicep bulged. You were signing your life away for the night and you had absolutely no idea what you were getting yourself into.

Hongseok.

Professor Hongseok Yang.

You throw yourself back onto your bed, tossing your Physics of Musical Instruments syllabus to the floor. It’s been two days and you still haven’t come to terms with the pickle you’re in. The secret is eating you alive from the inside out, and you’re dying to talk about it.

Briefly, you even consider emailing Hong- no, Professor Yang, but you know you can’t just send incriminating emails over the school’s server. That would be about as bad of an idea as sleeping with your professor in the first place.

You’re trying not to chastise yourself too much about it. At the time, you had no idea he taught at your university. If you had, you definitely would have refused to visit his hotel room. You wouldn’t have even danced with him. You know how to behave responsibly, but you let yourself live a bit more freely that night and now you’re paying the price.

Maybe you needed to tell Shinhye after all. You just needed someone to know what you were dealing with, because it felt too burdensome for you to hold on your own. If just one person could know and understand-

Minseo.

Jumping to your feet, you scramble out to the living room and tear up your desk in search of your cell phone. When you finally found the device, you immediately video call your beloved cousin.

She answers after a few rings. “What’s up, boo?”

You almost start crying, already feeling relieved just by having her on the line. “Minseoooo! Are you alone right now?”

“Yeah, I’m at my apartment. You okay?” She frowns, peering closely at her screen.

You push your hair back with a sigh. How do you say this? “I’ve made a mistake. A terrible, terrible mistake.”

“What is it?”

“Remember the groomsman from Jiyoo’s wedding?”

As soon as you mention him, her eyes grow wide. She covers her mouth, but not enough to muffle her words. “Oh my God, don’t tell me you’re pregnant.”

“What? No!” You shake your head emphatically. “No, I swear I’m not pregnant.”

“Oh thank God, because that would be just the worst.”

She’s right, though; that would be the actual worst case scenario. Your current situation might be bad, but at least there’s no fetus involved. With that bit of perspective, you proceed a bit more calmly. “So… it turns out that the groomsman teaches at my university. And I’m taking his class.”

Minseo stares at her phone for a moment, and then suddenly bursts into laughter. “You’ve got to be kidding me. For real?”

“For real.”

More laughter. “What are the odds of that? Jesus. You finally get laid for the first time since high school and it’s with your fucking teacher…”

Her lighthearted response actually makes you feel better, and you let yourself laugh about it too. “It’s crazy, right?”

“Insane!” Her black cat poked her head into the frame, and Minseo scratched her between her ears. “So wait, what happened? How did class go? Has he said anything about it?”

“He didn’t say a word, and neither did I. He basically ignored me all through class. And I think it’s a good thing? But also I kind of want to just talk about it? Because I feel like it’s going to be incredibly awkward if we have to go through the whole semester without even addressing it.”

“You should say something to him, then. Just tell him that you’re not going to say anything about what happened, and tell him that you want him to treat you normally. I mean, that’s what you want, right?”

You nod. “Right. I should probably do that, as uncomfortable as it may be.”

Minseo tilts her head, looking at you endearingly. “You can handle it. You’re a strong little lady. You just have to believe it.”

Finally, a relieved exhale leaves you. “Minseo, I feel so much better now that you know. I haven’t told anyone here about what happened and it was killing me.”

“I’m glad I could help. You should probably keep it a secret at school, though. Word can really spread fast across a campus.” Her cat meows quietly in agreement.

“Good plan. This stays between you and me.” You hold up your little finger as if to make a pinky promise, and she follows suit.

“Our little secret.”

The first days of the rest of your classes all pale in comparison to that eventful Tuesday morning. Physics of Musical Instruments is your only class in the science building, so thankfully you don’t have to worry about accidentally passing him every other day of the week. That should also be your most difficult class this semester, with a required writing class and second levels of aural skills and music theory making up the rest of your schedule. Add in your weekly piano lessons and R&B Ensemble practices, and you’ve got a lot on your hands. But you’re generally looking forward to your sophomore year, regardless of the whole mess with Professor Yang.

And it really doesn’t need to be a mess, anyway. You’ll have your chat with him, you can both move on, and it’ll all be moot in the end. At least, that’s what you tell yourself as you head into the weekend, knowing full well you’ll have to face him again in a matter of days and it won’t be easy.

Saturday afternoon is the music department’s convocation for the start of the semester. You take a seat in the auditorium of the music building, the ensemble on stage providing the entertainment as students file in. It’s the pride of the otherwise average music department, the upperclassman Jazz Ensemble, which you hope you’ll be accepted into next school year. If you do well with your own ensemble this year, you could definitely stand a chance. Besides, the current keyboardist will be graduating at the end of the school year, so there will definitely be an open spot waiting for you.

A familiar looking boy approaches you, all cheekbones and bright eyes. “Hi, can I sit there?” He gestures to the seat next to you, and you nod, standing to let him squeeze past you. When you’re both seated, he says, “I think I saw you in theory and aural skills, right?”

That’s why he looks so familiar! “Oh, yes! I remember you. Hi.” You greet him warmly, glad to have a fellow classmate to keep you company.

“I’m Kino.” He extends his hand to you. “Sophomore, studying voice and dance.”

“______, piano.” You shake his hand, and he smiles sweetly. “Also a sophomore.”

“Nice to meet you, officially.” Kino drops his backpack onto the floor between his legs and looks up at the stage. “Wow, Jazz Ensemble never disappoints.”

“You’ve got that right. You should have heard the Thelonious Monk tune they played before this one. They killed it.”

“I can believe that.” He looks over at you. Does he ever stop smiling? “Are you in any ensembles this semester?”

“Yeah, R&B.”

“No way! Me, too!” He laughs, and the sound of it is warm and pure. “I hardly convinced them to let me join, though. Being a double major keeps me really busy, but I was desperate to get into an ensemble this year.”

You laugh too, enjoying the way he makes you feel at ease. “I guess we’ll be seeing a lot of each other, then.”

“Sounds like it.”

The auditorium doors close as the last of the students scramble into seats, and you clap as the ensemble finishes their last song, a Miles Davis classic. One day it’ll be you on that stage. One day you’ll get to really make your mark.

The meeting itself isn’t really anything special. It’s mostly just to welcome everyone to a new school year and explain the basic requirements of a music major. Each semester you must attend no less than five student performances, but that’s nothing intimidating to you. You love going to student performances, so you’ll likely have all five knocked out before you reach the second half of the semester.

Toward the end of the meeting, the head of the department announces that he would like to introduce the new staff for the year. Three new professors file out from the wing, and you bite down on your lip to prevent your jaw from dropping, shocked to see Professor Yang among them. Why is he here? He’s in the science department, not music.

He is the first to step up to the microphone to introduce his class, and your heart just about jumps out of your chest at the sound of his voice. “Hello everyone, I’m Professor Yang. Although I’m not technically a part of the music department, I have a feeling you may all find an interest in my course, Physics of Musical Instruments. It will help fulfill half of your required science credits while still allowing you to explore music. In my course you will not only learn the science of scales, tonality, and sound waves, but you will also be given the opportunity to build your own instrument. I’m very grateful to be able to share my knowledge of instruments and sound with you. My class for this semester filled up very quickly, so please keep an eye out for it when you’re preparing your schedules for next semester. Thank you, and I look forward to seeing you in class.”

He is so professional, and you’re taken aback by how different he is in a professional setting. At the wedding he was so carefree, although he certainly carried the same amount of confidence. Regardless, your pulse is getting out of control the longer you watch him, and you’re so thankful for the cloak of darkness in the auditorium.

Kino leans over toward you, whispering lowly, “That class sounds awesome!”

You just nod, fixated on Professor Yang. He’s dressed a bit more casually today, wearing a pair of snug fitting jeans with his partially unbuttoned button-down, a v-neck shirt peeking out from the space where the button-down separates at his collar bone. His sleeves are rolled up, just like they were at the wedding. It would feel so good to rip off those clothes, to hear the buttons of his shirt break off and fall to the floor as you strip him. The thought sends searing heat through you, and you nonchalantly cross your legs. Yes, this semester is definitely going to be a tough one for you.

Kino takes off as soon as the assembly ends, blurting that he has to get to his dance department’s convocation. And as you eventually make your way out of the auditorium, you’re thankful that you’re on your own.

Professor Yang is in the lobby, chatting with another faculty member as students filter past. And for absolutely no reason at all, he happens to look in your direction just as you notice him. He looks at you long and hard with a completely unreadable expression, and you gaze back, trying to keep your face similarly neutral. Trying not to let him see how badly affected you are just to be in the same room as him. Trying to pretend that you don’t wish you could get him naked again, feel his body on yours again.

You may never know if you are successful in controlling your features. You pull your eyes from him long before you can pick up on any clues and bolt for the door, simultaneously relieved and saddened to know he will not follow you.

Hongseok led you to the dance floor and pulled you around to face him. The DJ was still doing a terrible job, but with his hand on your waist and alcohol buzzing through your veins, you managed to find it within you to dance. You swayed your hips, bopping to the beat, your hands eventually coming to rest on his broad shoulders.

His hands grew more and more adventurous in their placement with each song that passed. You didn’t mind one bit, enjoying the way he casually explored your back, thighs, and neck. Your own hands slid down over his muscled chest and abdomen, which you could clearly feel even through his layers of clothing. If only you could touch his skin…

You were completely taken by him, heart pounding pleasantly in your chest as warmth spread throughout your body. Why had you been so afraid before? Everything had turned out to be nothing short of wonderful. Even if it stopped at dancing and went no further (which was exactly what you expected to happen), you still could leave knowing you had a great time with an incredibly hot guy that you could fantasize about later to your heart’s content.

You still couldn’t believe that he would even give you the time of day, yet there he was, dancing far too close for your feeble heart to handle - not that you were complaining. His features were even more striking up close; you could easily memorize the straight line of his nose, the exact shape of his lips, the curve of his chin. You didn’t know what you had done in a previous life to deserve his attention, but you were endlessly thankful.

As elated as you were to be there with him, though, you couldn’t help but wonder how he really felt, what exactly he thought about you. After all, it’s not like he had just walked up to you of his own accord. Surely it was all your cousin’s doing and no true luck of your own. “Hongseok?”

“_____?”

You nearly shiver at the sound of your name. “Are you only dancing with me because my cousin asked you to?”

He narrowed his eyes at you, as if trying to decipher the true meaning behind your questioning. “Yes and no.”

“Okay?”

The DJ played a slower song next, and Hongseok took the opportunity to pull you up against him, wrapping his arm around your waist and taking your hand in his. His fingers were rough and calloused, but gentle as they wrapped around your hand. “You didn’t really seem too eager to talk to me after you met Hwitaek, so I wasn’t going to bother you.”

You swallowed hard, mouth suddenly dry from nerves. You had almost ruined this for yourself, and you had no idea.

He continued his explanation. “So technically yes, it was your cousin’s idea that convinced me to say something to you. But if I hadn’t wanted to dance with you, I would have told her no. I wouldn’t have even asked you if I wasn’t interested.”

Thoughts manifested into words before you could stop them, and you cursed your intoxicated tongue. “Interested… in me? Like, you think I’m cute, or something?”

“You could say that.” His laugh brought a smile to your face. “What about you? Do you think I’m cute, or something?”

You should have cut yourself off after the second glass of wine. You didn’t drink often, and you didn’t have much of a tolerance, as made evident by the shameless, bold compliment that spilled from your lips. “Cute? You’re beautiful and I am very attracted to you.”

You only caught a hint of his charming smile before he pulled you in even tighter and lowered his mouth until it brushed the cusp of your ear. Gravelly undertones lined the edges of his voice as he murmured, “I don’t want to cause a scene - this is a family affair, after all - so I’m going to have to let you do your own thing for the rest of the night. But I want you to know that I am incredibly attracted to you, and I need you to find your way upstairs to room 417 after we send off the happy couple. Can you do that for me?”

You nodded without hesitation, speechless at his incredibly forward instructions, your alcohol-dulled mind still able to piece together the implications of his invitation. Damn all of your fears and concerns; Hongseok was a dream and you’d never forgive yourself if you passed on the chance that had been afforded you. Come hell or high water, you would get to room 417. How could you say no? Surely your sober self would thank your tipsy self for it later.

“Great.” His low, sensual voice filled you, his breath tickling your ear as he straightened up and released you. With a wink, he disappeared into the throng of partygoers, and you nibbled at your bottom lip as you wobbled towards your table. You needed to collapse into your chair, unable to hold yourself up after the assault of his charms.

Before you could reach the table, though, you spotted Minseo, and steered yourself in her direction instead. You grabbed onto her arm, ripping her from the rest of your cousins.

“Please don’t kill me, I swear I was only trying to do you a favor.” She misinterpreted your excitement as aggression, flinching when you leaned in.

“No, I love you, you’re the best, I’m sorry I ever doubted you. I think I’m gonna get laid tonight.” You giggled to yourself, feeling warm and airy. “He told me to go up to his room later.”

“There you go, girl!” She whacked your arm playfully, looking you up and down. “Go get it and then give me all the details tomorrow because honestly he’s gorgeous and I just have to know what’s going on under those clothes.”

“Ohmygod me tooooo…” you drawled. You were losing your mind just thinking about it. “Oh, um, hey, can you cover for me? I’m gonna tell my parents I’m spending the night at your place.”

She nodded, and then her face lit up. “Better idea! Let’s get our own room upstairs. Then you can come to our room after.”

You blinked owlishly. “Right.”

Minseo caught onto your hesitation. “Unless you plan on actually staying the night?”

“...No? Because… sleeping over… would that be weird?”

“Probably. I’m guessing he’ll just want to hook up and be done with it. So we should go see if there are any rooms available. Yeah?”

Minseo had a good point; it could get weird if you tried to overstay your welcome, so having another room to retreat to would be the best course of action. You came to the wedding with your parents, so you wouldn’t be able to get yourself home if you stayed at the hotel longer than everyone else. And you wouldn’t expect Minseo to leave her apartment and drive all the way back to pick you up after... You nodded and squeezed her hand. “Okay, that’s a good plan. Did I tell you you’re the best?”

“You might have mentioned it.” She started leading you by the hand towards the lobby. “Let’s go get that room and then head back to the bar before you chicken out.”

Post Script | Thank you for reading! Part 2 will be posted Friday at 8pm.

Update | Read Part 2 here!

All Rights Reserved © gwentory. No translations, reposting, and/or modifying of the material is allowed without my direct permission.

THIS FIC IS REPOSTED FROM MY ORIGINAL BLOG, GWENTORY. All future content (including HFT Part 4 and onward) will only be posted on GWENTORYFICS. Thank you!

[rose-of-pollux]

Now and Then (Super Mario oneshot)

Title: Now and Then Rating: G Summary: [Slice of life, post-Odyssey] A simple question from Cappy gets Luigi reminiscing about his and Mario’s unique friendship with Princess Peach. Notes: This is my entry for @bossmedley​ for @mariosecretsanta2018​; the prompt was “Mario, Luigi, and Peach at a picnic at the castle.”  Hope you enjoy!

Cross-posted to ff.net if you prefer reading there, can’t link due to the new linking restrictions…

The two brothers had been carrying the largest picnic basket full of food they could find; it was rather heavy, prompting Luigi to complain about it. But Mario cheerfully encouraged him to keep his chin up—after all, how often did they get to enjoy a peaceful picnic, uninterrupted by Bowser or any other villain du jour?

Peach, assisted by Tiara, was putting the final touches on a cake as she glanced out the window to see Mario and Luigi arriving at the castle garden. Mario saw her and waved (releasing his end of the picnic basket, causing Luigi to scramble to keep it from tipping over), a big grin on his face (and an exasperated look on his brother's).

"Hello, Peach!" he called.

"Hey, you two!" she called back. "I'll be right out!"

"Okay; we'll get all this set up in the meantime!" Mario returned. "C'mon, Little Bro!"

Luigi rolled his eyes slightly as Cappy now hopped off of Mario's head to assist him with the picnic basket.

"He gets excited really easily, doesn't he?" the Bonnetor observed. "I seemed to observe as much when we traveled through all of those kingdoms. I thought it was the thrill of the adventure, but it seems he's like that even when things are normal."

"Yeah, he's always been like that. You get used to it," Luigi said, with a shrug. He smirked in spite of himself as he began to set up things on the picnic table once Mario had spread the tablecloth over it.

Cappy chuckled and helped out as Mario now also finally began to help out arranging things—at least until Peach and Tiara arrived with the cake, upon which he promptly dropped everything to help carry the cake.

Cappy watched in interest—Toads that were attending to things in the garden stopped to bow to Peach as she walked past. And yet, Mario hadn't bowed to the princess—had he just been overly excited for the picnic? …Come to think of it, Cappy couldn't recall Mario ever bowing to Peach, even during the times they had met up in the various kingdoms after her rescue. At any rate, she didn't seem to mind.

"I know Mario admires the princess very much," he said to Luigi. "He wanted to propose before Bowser interrupted him."

"Uh-huh," Luigi agreed.

"And you see the princess as a friend, too."

"Of course!"

"But neither of you bow to her like the other Toads do," Cappy observed. "I don't mean to pry, but is there a reason?"

Luigi paused for a moment.

"Actually, there is," he said. "Mario did bow to Peach once—a long, long time ago, when we were all very young. We used to play together as little kids—it didn't matter that Peach was a princess and Mario and I weren't royals… Kamek had predicted that my brother and I would bring trouble for the Koopas, and when Peach's father, the King, found out, he wanted us to remain close with Peach. Our papa thought it was great that we had royal connections, but… Mama was more concerned about Kamek having his eye on us. And then there was an alien invasion…" He shuddered; thanks to E. Gadd's time machine, they got to experience the Shroob takeover twice.

"Oh, I see!" Cappy said. "Because you grew up together and went through all that, no one saw the reason for you two to bow to her?"

"Well, actually, no…" Luigi said. "After the alien invasion, Mama insisted that we leave the Mushroom Kingdom. She'd been making plans with Papa without letting the King find out, but then, one day, while all this planning was going on, Bowser—still a prince at the time—showed up at the castle to cause trouble again while Mario and I were there… I'd gotten a bit battered in the fight, and there's no quicker way to make Mario mad than to do that to me…"

                                         **************************************

At that age, there had been little that Mario could have done to avenge his brother, but angrily chasing Bowser around the throne room with a fire flower had apparently been enough to keep young Bowser on the run.

Luigi had been sniffling on the floor as he had sat up, more shaken than hurt, but still on the verge of tears; Peach had been looking from him to Mario, but before she had been able to say or do anything, all four youngsters had nearly leaped out of their skins as the throne room burst open—revealing a very angry woman shrieking in Italian.

Their mother had been angrier than the brothers could have ever imagined—though, in hindsight, she'd had good reason. In an instant, she had raced across the room, gathering Luigi in her arms and now heading for Mario and Bowser.

Bowser had quickly realized he was in a great deal of danger and leaped out the window to get away from the angry mother; Mario had hastily hidden the fire flower behind his back, but before she could question him, the king had chosen that moment to enter the throne room, and she turned her wrath on him instead.

"Is this how you raise children!? My sons and your daughter were attacked by un piccolo demone! Look at what that beast has done to my little Luigi!"

She certainly hadn't bothered to bow, and neither the king nor Toadsworth had been brave enough to remind her of protocol.

"The Shroobs—they came, and you learned nothing!" she had ranted on. "You have had your chances; my boys are not safe here! Si—we go! Ciao!"

"Er… Yes, of course," Toadsworth had said. "This won't happen next time; you have our word-"

"Next time?" she had replied, incredulously. "No! No next time! We are leaving this kingdom! I have been planning this since the Shroobs attacked—but now we must go earlier!"

Luigi had looked at his mother, and then across the room at his brother, who had dropped the fire flower in shock. Leave the Mushroom Kingdom? Leave their friend Peach?

Peach had obviously arrived at the same conclusion, for she immediately started to wail; Mario had tried to get her to cheer up, but it was difficult when he himself was close to tearing up.

The King and Toadsworth had tried to get the brothers' mother to reconsider, but her mind had been set, and they knew that trying to dissuade a protective mother would be a battle they would not be able to win.

Realizing that they had backed down, she had turned to her other son.

"Mario! Vieni, stiamo andando!"

But Peach was still crying, and Mario didn't want to leave her.

"Mario!" his mother said, again, sternly.

Gently, Mario had taken Peach's hand and bowed; she had been surprised and pleased enough to stop crying, managing a small smile. It was short-lived, however; Mario soon found himself being taken by the hand and leaving with his mother and brother, and as the throne room doors closed behind them, they could hear Peach starting to cry all over again…

                                          *************************************

"…And that was what happened," Luigi finished, back in the present. "The only time Mario ever bowed to Peach."

"But you made it back to the Mushroom Kingdom," Cappy said.

"Not intentionally," Luigi admitted. "As we got older, being raised away from all this, we sort of… forgot about the Mushroom Kingdom and Peach and everything as we grew up—I think Mama wanted it that way… She wanted us to have quiet, normal lives where nothing ever happened. She was so happy when Mario and I wanted to get into a normal, everyday career like plumbing. …But then, while on the job, we found the warp pipe back to the Mushroom Kingdom just as Bowser had kidnapped Peach. We still didn't remember her or the Kingdom, but you know how Mario is—if someone needs help, then he's just gotta go help them. Pauline can back me up on that."

"Yes, of course," Cappy said. "He helped me find my sister, even though he had Peach to worry about."

Luigi nodded.

"Mario led the way, and I followed, and we found Peach… We still didn't remember her, but Mario… I remember he just walked up to her and introduced us, saying that we were getting her out of Bowser's castle, and I was kinda embarrassed at first, since the Toads had told us she was their princess, but… Mario thought that the last thing she needed was someone who wasn't going to be open and honest and wouldn't get caught up in all those protocols. Looking back, I think he was right; we'd have been nervous trying to stick to all those rules, and that wouldn't have helped her feel better at all."

"Ohh, so that's why?"

"Partly," Luigi said. "The real decision came right after the rescue, when Peach wanted to formally thank us for the rescue—with a picnic just like this, actually…"

                                                ****************************

Luigi had been staring absently into the window of a store in Toad Town when he had been jolted from his thoughts by his brother calling his name.

"There you are, Luigi! What's up, Little Bro?"

"I'm just thinking about the picnic this afternoon," Luigi had replied. "We need to buy something to wear."

"We do?"

Luigi had given him a look.

"…You don't expect us to go to the princess's castle dressed like this, do you?" he had asked, indicating their work shirts and overalls. "That warp pipe that brought us here seems to be closed now; we can't exactly go back and get our Sunday best. I think we have enough coins to get something nice, though."

"Hmm, I think we'd be better off saving our coins for food and a place to stay," Mario had replied. "With that warp pipe being closed, we might be here a while."

"Oh… Well, that may be, but if we turn up looking like this, we could get thrown out! If we're embarrassed, it'll be harder finding a place to stay…"

"I don't think the princess is like that," Mario had said. "She seemed nice enough when we found her in that castle."

"We did just free her…"

"Trust me on this, Little Bro; it'll be fine—you'll see!"

Mario seemed to have put all doubts behind him, but Luigi had continued to be nervous as they arrived at Peach's castle later that day. Mario strode in with the same confidence he always had, but Luigi had been looking around, noticing the looks from the Toads—and hearing the whispers.

He had known exactly what they were saying—whispering about how these two battle-damaged plumbers were daring to meet the princess dressed in those old rags. Normally, Luigi was never bothered with the fact that he and his brother were maintenance men; life in a big city meant crossing paths with those of a higher standing, and both he and his brother had learned to look white-collar folk in the eyes without being intimidated (not hard when their usual interactions were said white-collar folk begging them to save their backed-up sinks or busted pipes). But this situation had been nothing like that—strangers in a new land, meeting royalty? Luigi couldn't help but feel self-conscious.

Peach, in an elegant gown, had been there in the throne room to greet them—the same throne room where they had been separated all those years ago, and now formally reunited (though they hadn't realized it yet). She had extended her hand like any royal lady would, having been trained to put up with guests kissing her hand, whether or not she was comfortable with the idea.

Mario wasn't going to have any of that; why should she be forced to have her hand kissed just because she was a princess? And, anyway, he had been determined to put the cards on the table and present himself as he was, no false airs or anything like that.

And so, instead of kissing her hand, he shook her hand, as though greeting a friend.

The reaction had been instantaneous; quiet gasps and murmurs from the Toads about how clueless Mario must be began to fill the room, and Toadsworth had been facepalming. And Luigi had begun to blush in secondhand embarrassment at all of this.

But the only ones who hadn't seem embarrassed were Mario and Peach. Mario had been continuing to look her in eyes with a friendly expression, and Peach, though initially surprised by the handshake, had suddenly looked genuinely pleased.

"Mario, I want to formally thank you and your brother Luigi for risking your lives to rescue me from Bowser."

"We always try to help out," Mario had said, with a grin. "And we thank you for this kind gesture of a picnic."

"The pleasure is mine, my friends."

It had been those two words—'my friends'—that had reassured both Mario and Luigi that everything would be fine. And Peach had been reassured, as well, for she had found friends who would treat her without dancing around her and her royalty, as so many others had done.

                                        ********************************

"And that's why we're here, able to be all casual with the princess," Luigi finished. "She's been a great friend to us all these years, the fact that she's a princess and we're just plumbers was never an issue at all." He smiled as he watched Peach gently chide Mario for trying to sneak a taste of the cake before it was time for dessert. "It's also why their friendship can survive the rejection of a wrongly-timed marriage proposal—at the end of the day, they will always care about each other."

"And you," Cappy added.

"And me," Luigi agreed. "And you and Tiara, too—you pretty much joined our circle of friends when you helped Mario out."

"…I'm honored," the Bonnetor said, sounding rather touched.

Luigi smiled.

"C'mon, let's eat!"

Luigi and Cappy caught up to the others and dug in, enjoying the food and company as they ate, all of them grateful for their circle of friends, and being a part of it.

[saeranlover]

Road to Paradise - Chapter 1

Here’s the angst-fic I mentioned yesterday, I believe? I’m trying to get myself to write more, just so I can adjust and become more open to writing some things...

So, this is basically an idea which I had based on the prologue of ‘Another Story’ from when I went through it the other day.

It’s going to be a Ray/Saeran x MC fic, with slight hints of V x MC at times. And I’m serious - this fic is likely to be very angst filled at times. Also a slight warning for implied death...

Anywayyyyy here’s the fic on AO3, and here’s the first chapter here~!

“Ray, he is…. Such a sweet child. So happy, so caring, so loving… And unfortunately, so dedicated… You have heard of the woman which he selected to become our mole within the RFA, yes? Well, I believe he has quickly become infatuated with her… I requested that she be sent to my former apartment to converse with my old friends, but he over-wrote my decision using his will… He had a variety of rooms set up for her here, in paradise...How will that make the other believers feel, seeing a non-believer getting such preferential treatment from dear, sweet Ray? I believe we must show Ray that though he has power here… He cannot overwrite me. He will ask you to collect that woman soon… And this is what I would like you to do...”

“Yes, my saviour...”

It was weird… Somewhat out of the blue, you had been asked to be a tester for a new game, set to be released in a few months down the line. Now, it was definitely suspicious, especially with the fact that the person making the request of you knew your name… But at the same time, you were intrigued. You wanted to know if this was something genuine, something which you would have regretted if you never went along…

Plus, the person you had spoken to… His voice was soft, sweet… Welcoming and comforting. It wouldn’t surprise you if that was merely a tone to lure you in, but… you still wanted to know about this game. As a precaution though, if this man was not who he seemed, you were prepared… Pepper spray to the eyes would give you a few minutes to escape if it was bad, right?

As you sat on a bench outside the park, a black car pulled up beside you, and you could only gulp. The driver got out, introduced himself, before saying that he was there to collect you. Warily, you listened and entered the car…

Though the sleep mask which you had to wear at times did put your senses on high alert, and heightened your suspicions.

After a short while of thinking about it, you began to start regretting listening to the man asking for you to test the game… It seemed scary at the moment, as you didn’t have to wear the sleep mask right now, but through the window you could see thick foliage and a mass of trees… Oh god, don’t people get murdered in places such as this?!

“I- I want to get out- I’ve changed my mind, I want to-!”

“It is too late. You have been chosen, and you are to be used to punish Mr Ray for disobedience.”

The monotonous nature of the driver’s voice made you begin to panic, and his words made you fear for your life. In a brief moment of not even thinking, you unfastened your seatbelt and dived for the car door to your left. Just before you could open it, the click of the button echoed through the car. The driver had the power. He had locked the doors. You were prisoner inside the car.

Oh, and he was accelerating the vehicle. It was almost out of control-!

“No!” Tears were streaming down your face as you hopelessly struggled to kick and punch the door open, but that was when you watched the driver let go of the wheel… Reach for a weird drink which was resting in the car’s cup holder… And pour it down his throat.

“Do not resist… This is all for eternal paradise...” And after that, the driver started coughing and choking. The car was swerving. You were sobbing. The driver… fell limp.

Oh god, had he killed himself with whatever was in that drink?! No no no-!

Suddenly, the car made one final swerve as it went over a pothole in the road… And the last thing which you remembered was a sudden crushing pain in your legs, and a dull yet sharp pain as your head collided with… well, you didn’t even know. You were unconscious before you could even realise what had properly happened…

“Now, I must make one last adjustment… She should arrive soon...” Ray whispered to himself, after rearranging a small vase of flowers upon a coffee table in the room which he had set up for you. He was more than proud of the area which he had created purely for you, and a mysterious feeling which made his heart race took over his chest every time he had that thought. “Right… Where is that soft pillow which I wanted to put on her bed...”

With a slight hum in his throat, and a skip in his step, he went over to a small box beside the door and picked up the pillow which was inside it. “There it is… And now, all that I need to do is-!” Ray stopped what he was doing and dropped the pillow at a loud noise outside, a slight distance into the forest surrounding Mint Eye building. He glanced towards the window, and tilted his head in confusion.

A large pillar of smoke was coming out from the trees...What had happened?

Moments later, the door to the room opened, and Ray’s eyes widened at the reflection which he spotted in the window. “My saviour… Do you know what is happening? Is somebody attempting to attack our paradise out there…? The lady which was meant to investigate the RFA is due here any time soon, and I want her to be safe...”

“Oh Ray… I have come here about that, actually… We believe that the driver which we sent… Was disloyal to our paradise. We only found out when it was too late that he wanted to interfere with our plans to bring an outsider and non-believer here...” The saviour approached Ray as his entire body froze and began to tremble. “Ray… We tried to intercept him… But she was in the car when he crashed it. She… She is dead in the car’s wreck.”

“Wh- What…? No-!” Panic and anxiety overwhelmed Ray as he grabbed at his head, and began to shake it frantically. Somebody who was meant to help him had abandoned him… A- Again-!

With tears streaming down his eyes, he bolted out of the room and had only one thing on his mind...He had to find your body… He had to recover it, and give you a dignified burial… At the heart of the flower garden would be a wonderful place for you to rest in peace…

Ray paid no mind to the confused stares of disciples as he ran through the halls, shedding his blazer and cravat as he went… He had to get to that car before it completely burned up, and any chance he had to recover what was left you went-!

Unfortunately, he knew exactly where he was going due to the smell of burning oil and petrol becoming more present in the air surrounding him. Then… He reached the burning wreck of the car. He had to cover his mouth and nose with his sleeve because the smell and smoke was just so repugnant, and what’s more, he couldn’t tell if the smoke was making his eyes water, or if it was him trying not to cry.

You had seemed like such a wonderful woman, and he had… He had really wanted for you to be a friend of his! One of those close friends which he could do anything with, and say anything to!

As he sank to his knees though, he noticed a shadow appear from some trees to his right. He recognised the gold embroidery of a disciple’s robes, so he rose to his feet as they began to gesture for him to follow. “This way, please-! That car is going to turn into a huge fireball in a few minutes, and you can’t afford to die!”

Ray moved his arm downwards, and ended up taking in a deep breath of smoke, unsure even himself if he did that intentionally or unintentionally. But… With a depressed sigh, he followed the disciple away from the crash. He didn’t want to, he wanted to recover your remains, but… He… He probably couldn’t now…

Eventually, Ray noticed the disciple step into a small clearing of trees, which he reluctantly followed them into.

“Now… Please brace yourself, Saeran… She’s not in the best state right now.”

“Wh- What?” Oh, did Ray have many questions… The first of which being ‘how did that disciple know that name?’ And… What did they mean by ‘she’?

The disciple walked over to a blanket set out on the ground, and there was somebody lying upon it… And Ray felt like breaking down at the sudden movement of the person’s chest as they attempted to breathe whilst still unconscious. He approached the blanket, before falling down to his knees and slowly reaching out as he whispered your name.

You were alive- Oh thank the saviour, you were alive-!

Ray was sobbing as he took in the burns, cuts, bruises and injuries covering your body, and how some of your clothes had appeared to almost attack themselves to your body where they had been singed. Slowly, he looked up at the disciple, and went to cry his thanks… until he noticed a few strands of turquoise coming out from the hood.

“...” He pressed a soft kiss to the small patch of unmarred skin on your hand, before rising to his feet and reaching out for the disciple. Or rather… He would have to say ‘supposed disciple’. “… What are you doing here?!”

[mittensmorgul]

Hope and Love and Faith

So I just watched 4.08, and I think I finally found the perfect comparison for how Jack has been influencing Cas since 12.19: Hope.

But let me take just a moment first to offer y’all up a snapshot of the inside of my head to set the stage for this. Dabb loves mirroring himself, but heck if he hasn’t seemed to love mirroring Edlund just as much. I’ve written multiple posts throughout s12 paralleling various episodes back to 4.08 and the whole concept of “the wishes turn bad.” Even Mick’s introduction to the BMoL involved him pickpocketing an ancient Babylonian coin, making his being “saved” from the streets and brought into the BMoL into a situation that clearly turned very bad for him.

We’re heavily reminded of 4.08 in 12.17 with Mick’s situation, and there are also hints of 4.08 in 12.18 in that one family’s legacy became the horror of paying Moloch in blood to keep their family’s “wish” for wealth and success alive. All of that leads directly into 12.19:

Castiel: Okay, why are you doing this? Kelly: Because he chose you, Castiel. When you put your hand on my stomach, I heard him. He spoke to me. He told me that even if it seems scary, if I just went to the gate, if I just followed your plan, that you would make sure he was born. Sam and Dean, they want to take away his powers because they're scared. (Sighs) But I'm not. Castiel: Kelly, you – Kelly: You asked me who would protect him, guide him when I'm gone. I know now. It's you.  Castiel: Me? That's I am not someone that you should put your faith in, Kelly. I couldn't kill Dagon back there. I lost two of my men. I betrayed my friends, my family.  Kelly: Before all this happened, I was a cut-rate political flack in an embarrassingly unprofessional relationship with my boss. I don't know why it's me. And I don't know why it's you. But I know that we are destined for something here. Something great. Castiel: Well, I wish I had your faith. Kelly: You will.

And:

Castiel: Thank you for coming to fight for us. Dean: Are you okay? Castiel: I am. I've been so lost. I'm not lost anymore. And I know now that this child must be born with all of his power. Sam: You can't actually mean that. Castiel: Yes. I do. I have faith. We have to go.

Cas wished for faith, and that’s what he got. But as we’ve been reminded over and over in s12, via Babylonian coins and wishes gone horribly wrong, THIS IS REALLY REALLY NOT A GOOD THING. So with that in mind, let’s revisit Hope, the first “victim” of the Babylonian wishing coin in 4.08.

WES: Oh. Oh, wow, Hope, you didn't have to do that. HOPE: I wanted to. Well, no, I... I had to. Because I love you more than anything, lover. WES: Yes. Um, Hope, sit down, okay? HOPE: Yes, Wes. WES: Um... Hope, uh, are you happy? HOPE: I love you more than anything. WES: I know. I know. And I love you. Very much. That's why I want you to start doing things that make... that made you happy before. HOPE: Yes, Wes, I'll try to be happier. I'll start right away. WES: No, no, no, that's not what I mean. I-I'm talk— HOPE: Oh, Wes, please. [Voice breaking] Please don't be angry with me. You know, I'd just die, I'd just die, I'd die! WES: No, no, no. Don't – I'm – I'm not angry. I'm not angry! No. HOPE: Then let me make it up to you, Wes. Let me make it right.

This, as we learn, is the result of Wes’s wish on that Babylonian coin. He wished for Hope to “love him more than anything.” And Hope deliberately changes her phrasing from “I wanted to,” into “I had to.” She didn’t have a choice, in other words. But would we say that this is this a form of mind control?

It’s clear that Hope is not acting of her own free will here, but is this actually mind control? Wes isn’t ordering her to do all these things for him, yet she clearly feels some sort of obligation to do them anyway, borne from this falsely implanted love for Wes. Her ability to make her own choices, i.e. her Free Will, has been rerouted via Wes’s wish. She’s clearly making choices on her own-- about cooking for Wes, about all the acts of devotion she shows him, even her “choice” to kill Sam before he can talk Wes into removing the coin from the wishing fountain to “wish away their love.”

If Hope truly had her own free will, she NEVER would’ve stopped Wes from undoing his wish.

Just like if Cas had truly had his own free will in 12.19, he never would’ve booped Sam and Dean unconscious for trying to stop him from leaving with Kelly.

To me this is just one more proof that Cas is not acting out of his own free will through the rest of s12. His wish that he had Kelly’s faith in Jack has been overriding and redirecting his free will through the falsely-implanted filter, just as Hope’s falsely-implanted “love” for Wes did in 4.08.

While I was typing all of this out at Lizbob earlier today, she was busy typing 2.13 at me, and I couldn’t help but make this comparison as well. 2.13, intentionally or not, set up a LOT of background for all the eventual Angel Lore in canon, and I feel this is also an important callback, especially as it also has to do with faith, hope, and love:

SAM: Yeah. So, Hope, uh, tell us how you two lovebirds met. HOPE: Oh, best day of my life. DEAN: I bet. HOPE: Yeah! It's the funniest thing. We both grew up here, but I never really knew who he was. Not by name anyway. Until one day last month, it was like I just [sighs] I just saw him for the first time. He was just... glowing. Oh, just glowing.

He was glowing, like the false angel “signs” in 2.13. A brilliant light appeared to people, presented itself as an angel, and instructed them to murder people. They were all convinced they’d acted in the name of God, and were completely at peace with their actions because of the “angel” absolving them of their “sin.”

DEAN: So. What makes you think you saw a, uh, angel? SAM: It just, it appeared before me and I just, this feeling washed over me, you know? Like, like peace. Like grace. DEAN: Okay, Ecstasy Boy, maybe we'll get you some glow sticks and a nice Dr. Seuss hat, huh? SAM: Dean, I'm serious. It spoke to me, it knew who I was. DEAN: It's just a spirit, Sam. Okay? And it's not the first one to be able to read people's minds. Okay, let me guess. You were personally chosen to smite some sinner. You've just got to wait for some divine bat signal, is that it? SAM: Yeah, actually.

Then a few scenes later:

SAM laughs, then stops in shock, staring at something across the street: a young man holding a bunch of flowers; a bright white light glows behind him.

Sam had his sign. Dean stopped Sam from carrying out the mission the “angel” had given him, but everything the “angel” had wanted still came to pass, just as effectively as if Sam had killed the man himself. Dean could hardly believe what he’d witnessed. The description from the transcript:

Car chase scene. Chasing the evil young man at a more frantic rate now, DEAN grips the steering wheel tightly. They cut across lanes, over grass, and generally cause mayhem; at a cross-street, a small pickup truck carrying long metal pipes screeches to a halt in front of the man's car. A pipe spins off the truck bed, bouncing once on the ground and plowing straight through his windshield. It impales him straight through the chest. DEAN stops the car in shock and gets out. DEAN: Holy . . .

And then:

DEAN:  But I'll tell you one thing. If . . . The way he died, if I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes I never would have believed it. I mean ... I don't know what to call it. SAM: What? Dean, what did you see? DEAN: Maybe . . . God's will.

Back to 4.08:

DEAN: Come on. You're gonna sit there and tell me that your relationship with Hope is functional, that it's what you wished for? WES: I wished she would love me more than anything. SAM: Yeah, and, uh, how is that going? That seem healthy to you? WES: Well, it's a hell of a lot better than when she didn't know I was alive. DEAN: You're not supposed to get what you want, man, not like this. Nobody is. That's what the coin does. It takes your heart's desires and it twists it back on you. You hear of the whole, uh, "be careful what you wish for"?

Because Hope professed that she loved Wes “more than anything,” even more than her own life, even more than knowing the difference between right and wrong.

She didn’t understand how her feelings had been manipulated, or falsely implanted by Wes’s wish. Like the people who believed they were acting on behalf of an angel of Heaven back in 2.13, and like Cas (and even Kelly) have been acting since 12.19. It all feels real to them. They can’t act of their own free will, because they’re incapable of even accessing it while under Jack’s influence.

It’s not that he’s directly puppeting them or controlling their actions, but that he’s inserted himself and his needs as the overriding default priority for both Kelly and Cas. They both fully believed they were CHOOSING their course of action, but Dean clearly told us that he knew Cas was fundamentally unable to think for himself here.

In 12.20:

DEAN: Okay, so last night...that Super Mario power-up crap? That wasn't Cas. That freaking baby isn't even born yet and it sock puppeted him. Think about it. Cas said that he had faith in Lucifer Jr.? What the hell is that supposed to mean? SAM: I don't know. I mean, look, this doesn't make any sense to me either, Dean. But if we wanna have some shot at finding Cas, the we have to...I don’t know. Uh, try and think like him. DEAN: How? Seriously I mean up until now if Cas messed up, if he did something wrong, but he thought it was for the right reasons, I got it. Right? But last night, when I looked at him, I did not recognize the guy staring back at me.

And honestly, that’s proof enough for me.

But if you need further proof of the connection, please see this post about Kelly’s wall mural she was painting in 12.23:

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/160984386600/margarittet-tinkdw

The symbol on the tree trunk? Hope, love, and faith.

[myupostsheadcanons]

My loooooong rant about The Aen Elle: The Witcher

Book Spoilers, not so much Game Spoilers.

First off, my “elephant in the room” ... Eredin.

In the books he is nowhere near final-boss material like he was in the games. He’s the “That One Boss” rather than “The Big Bad”. Eredin has less of his shit together in the books tbh. He’s like Kylo Ren Evil rather than Voldemort Evil.  They both did extremely bad things and you can’t deny either of them being villainous characters, just different types of evil characters.

Book Eriden has no filter, literally, he says what’s on his mind and doesn’t hesitate to go after what he wants. He’s arrogant and too the point, and doesn’t know what discretion is.

Some of his semi.... alright.... ? qualities:

1. He accidentally insulted Ciri upon first meeting her and apologized right away, he even gave her a flower. 2. He was the only one to be upfront with Ciri that she was a prisoner and will never be released. Even though he did lie to her about her friends being dead and gone. (Unless he wasn’t in his POV and just didn’t understand that TIME means nothing to her).

3. He wasn’t a bad sport about loosing a horse race with her. While he was competitive while it happened, at the end praised her skill and her horse for winning. Note: Kelpie let him pet her on the muzzle. Kelpie, the super horse with a foul temper that Ciri had made sure to note that would bite.... Either this was to show that he is decent with animals or to prove some kind of point of rebuking the “animals hate them” trope that villain characters often get stuck with.

Side Note: Considering he is the commander of mounted combat shock troops for the past several hundred years, it would be logical enough to say that he has a healthy amount of knowledge on horses and their mannerisms and knew if it was safe to pet Kelpie or not.

4. He was honestly trying to help further their people’s common goal when he offered Ciri the aphrodisiac to give Auberon, enough so that he gave it to him himself anyways. And was surprised to learn that it killed Auberon. 

I highly doubt that Eredin’s skilled enough to make the potion properly 100% of the time, or making it more potent/concentrated turned it into a poison  OR, somebody else made it...... (Avallach???? hmmmm???) and gave it to him with instructions on what it does.

((Avallach making it would mean that him getting the hell out of dodge was intentional, that he wanted to be far-far away when Eredin put the puzzle pieces together.))

Auberon, Avallach, and Eredin had a Triumvirate going on. The Unicorns specifically called out all three of them as being dangerous and behind most of what the Aen Elle had been doing. Together they followed the Face/King (Auberon), Brain/Sage (Avallach), and Hand/General (Eredin) .

Just look at the nicknames the Unicorns gave the three of them: The King of the Alders, The Fox, and The Sparrowhawk. They mean something.

While Alder can be an alternative name for Elder, as in the elder blood, the Aen Elle themselves, an actual Alder is a kind of birch tree common in wet areas and used often in dying leather, charcoal/gunpowder, and for making structures that need to be held in wet areas without rotting. The Alder is also a sacred tree, the tree of Bran the Blessid, and was the inspiration for the Weirwood Trees in GRRM’s A Song of Ice and Fire, the insides of the Alder tree will turn red/brown/dark when it is cut (weirwoods are blood red on the inside).  Forests of Alder are considered “cursed” and to be avoided at all costs, those that go in unprepared or properly blessed will not be seen again (killed by monsters or taken by Fae, the Sidhe, to their realm (hmm, Aen Sidhe.... any one?). Though irl, it is because Alder Forests are in wetland and boggy areas, people just get stuck in the mud and drown.

(Note: another literary example, The Erl King from The Dresden Files. King of the Alders also refers to the character he is based off of: Erlkonig (Elf/Alder King). And in the Dresden series, The Erl King is a powerful wild-fae, the Goblin King (think: The Labyrinth) and King of the Wild Hunt (The Elk-Horned King). It is a also a common fan theory that he is /the/ Oberon, though he is called Lord Herne by name, another horned-crowned hunter of myth as well. As a lord of the wild-fae, he is neutral to winter and summer.   ((Yes, one character can have many identities. This is a word where Odin the All Father is also Santa Clause)).

Remember, Auberon wasn’t some aloof sassy king. He’s jaded and apathetic from being around for over 650 years. But he’s ordered the deaths and enslavement of millions of humans, a genocide, and Avallach and Eredin were right there carrying out these orders. He was polite to Ciri because they needed her, and that eventually went out the window when given an opening to do so.

The Aen Elle’s entire plan was based on re-opening the gates so they can continue this practice. They tricked the Unicorns into doing this once before, but they grew wise and are now at war with the Aen Elle. Lara was the culmination of the Aen Elle’s breeding efforts to create somebody powerful enough to accomplish this. There is a strong possibility she completely disagreed with her people’s ideals, be it that she knew she was being used and/or because she fell in love with a human and changed her ways. But she completely booked it and left them all to rot, while giving them two big middle fingers  (which were later mailed back to Avallach in an envelope...... bad joke).

IMO, Avallach, The Fox, was the more dangerous of the trio (not necessarily the most evil of them). With Eredin he didn’t hide who he was, but Avallach.... he had an agenda a mile long and lied through his non-pointed teeth.  He would present a kind and helpful facade, and when ever something underneath would slip through the cracks, it wasn’t very pleasant.  Foxes are depicted as tricksters, cunning and wily, an animal most frequently associated with being deceitful, or having ulterior motives. When Auberon threaten to give Ciri over to Avallach and his laboratory,  my mind went straight to Vilgafortz and his plans for Ciri... i don’t think this was unintentional.

There is several instances in the novels (The Lady of the Lake especially) where events parallel one another (like Auberon’s abhorrence to Ciri ended up mirroring itself with Emhyr rejecting his plans for Ciri in the end. The theme with Ciri escaping people associated with Birds of Prey (Cahir (his helmet), Tawny Owl, Eriden the Sparrowhawk.... Merlin better watch himself)). Vilgafortz was the obvious villain of the saga, the biggest threat at the time, but did not start out that way, he was first presented as a diplomat, somebody who should be respected and came off as being the reasonable authority figure compared to the decadence of the Sorcerers. Then was revealed to be a sick, twisted SOB doing science experiments on abducted women in order to perfect a technique he was to do on Ciri. Everything he did was in order to accomplish this end goal, to harness Ciri’s powers for himself, even his kind and diplomatic facade at the start and him spending decades gathering political influence in both the North and Nilfgaard under it. The disfigurement of his face was a physical representation of his madness, that the mask was removed and now showed on the outside the ugliness on the inside.

Emhyr’s plan for Ciri started out as Vilgafortz’s plan. Vilgafortz was the one that knew of the prophecy and was the person to find out whom Duny was really. He brought the prophecy to Emyhr and put the idea that the heir of Nilfgaard will be the chosen one.  When this was proposed, Ciri was a toddler at the time (keep in mind that Pevetta was only around 20/21 when she died, and wasn’t 15 yet when she met Emhyr/Duny. In perspective: Ciri was 16 by the end of Lady of the Lake).

Avallach was part of the original breeding plan with Lara, a multi-generational slow-burn magical science experiment. It was more than likely that it was arranged that the two of them become a couple. Avallach is a powerful Sorcerer, member of the Aen Saeherne, sages with specialized training and secretive knowledge about the “Lara Gene”.  When the actual Lara, also an Aen Saevherne, broke up with him and left their people he was very upset about it, something he’s still grudgingly bitter about centuries years later. This is one of the cracks in his facade, when people talk about Lara, and when he did snap at Ciri it was because she compared herself to Lara and in anger suggested that Avallach should be the one to knock her up. He pretty much told her that she disgusted him (maybe even more than Auberon was of her), that her human blood was an insult to their people, that a human took their gift away from them and Lara away from him.

Avallac’h isn’t even his actual name, it’s Creavan Espane aep Caomhan Macha. The root of the nickname also gives us the name to Avalon (the Isle of Apple Trees)... Avalon is were the faeries live, where Morgan La Fae learned her powers, /The/ Lady of the Lake lives there in some stories (she was the one to give Arthur Excalibur, the “sword in the stone” is Uthar Pendragon’s sword), and where King Arthur was taken after he was mortally wounded by Mordred. Geralt and Yennifer were basically taken to Avalon by Ciri and the Unicorn. Then sometime between that and showing up before Galahad, she got into a bloody fight (and won/escaped from that).... (If you believe that Avallach betrayed his people intentionally and ran off.... Ciri taking Yen and Geralt to Avallach for help would be quite the literal interpretation)

Eredin being the Sparrowhawk is one of the more straightforward meanings, its practically hanging a lampshade on what his reason is in the over all story. Like the character himself: to the point and doesn’t hide his motives or pretends to be something he is not. Sparrowhawks get their name because small birds are their most frequent prey. Cirillia’s name came from the Aen Elle word Zireael, a word that means Swallow, a type of small bird. Sparrow and Swallow are very similar words.  Book Eriden calls her Zireael instead of her name to put further emphasis that he sees her as prey.

Wiki Note: Falconers have utilized the Eurasian sparrowhawk since at least the 16th century; although the species has a reputation for being difficult to train, it is also praised for its courage.

Falconry is a practice of keeping birds of prey captive in order to hunt small game for sport or food. They are kept on a leash, hooded, and in cages/aviaries.

Who had Eredin’s leash and used him to hunt prey? Auberon, The Alder King. There was very  little indication that there was a conflict of interests between the two, Auberon even trusted him enough to take the vial from him on his word alone. And, again, Eredin seamed not to have expected it to kill Auberon.

Eredin’s name doesn’t seam to have as much significance as Auberon (Oberon) and Avallac’h (Avalon). Eredin Breacc Glas  (fan nickname: break glass)  he’s literally the first thing that comes up, excluding “witcher” from the searches, you get results from League of Legends, Star Wars, and Final Fantasy :/

A shot in the dark is the Eridanos (river of Hades). AND I only thought of that one because of.... Homestuck’s Eridan Ampora being named after it.  It means “Amber” in Greek. And when i think of “Amber” I first think of Roger Zelazny’s Amber Chronicles. Another series based off of Arthur and Shakespeare Mythos (King Oberon, Avalon, Traveling through Time/Space (Shadow), Blood of the Unicorns, Merlin). Amber was written in the 70′s and 80′s, Zelazny died right around the same time the Witcher short-stories were being published.

Note: Ciri escaped while fighting him on a river, because it was the only path to get out of the loop... if that means anything. :/  (water is a common “ground” for magic, it disperses the energy needed in the spell. it is why Vampires can’t travel across moving water).

The mere presence of Ciri among them, her curse of destiny, ended up breaking open the below-surface cracks in their Triumvirate.   Auberon’s disgust, Avallach’s jealousy, Eriden being the unhelpful helper... Ciri’s insistent want to go home... the Unicorns.... Their plans just crumbled in their hands and resulted in the death of Auberon, Avallach possibly deserting them, and Ciri’s escape from Eredin.

Myu Recommends, Extra Reading Material:

Jim Butcher’s The Dresden Files.... A Wizard for Hire, solving supernatural cases, and later gets tied up in wars with the Vampires, the Fairy Courts, Arch-Demons, and Ancient Horror Terrors. 

Roger Zelanzy’s Amber and Chaos Chronicles. (As Collected in The Great Book of Amber). Corwin of Amber wakes up with amnesia, discovers that his father Oberon, King of Amber, is missing or dead and he is now on the top of his siblings’ hit-lists. Those born of the unicorn and traversed the pattern can freely walk through time and space, The Shadow. (Chaos Courts have an older and more complex version of gaining the same ability, The Labyrinth/Logrus, The Serpent .... most people die before completing it)

King Arthur: Le Morte de Arthur, The Once and Future King, and (maybe) The Mists of Avalon. The Faery Realm, Galahad ascending into Heaven, Merlin being Trapped in a cavern for centuries, The Isle of Avalon.... The basis of many of the modern “alternate dimension” in fantasy stories, including The Witcher, Dresden, and Amber.

[spacelionrobothell]

Overthinking Meta: Alien Vision

Okay, so I think the odds are pretty high that there’s some pretty drastic differences in vision between different races, and have spent way too much time pondering the biology behind some of the odd eye structure implied.

First off, with the Altaeans, there’s that thing with what looks like a regular black pupil, then the funny glowing-looking slit-pupil inside that.  On rewatch with close-ups on Allura, the size/shape of that inner pupil actually changes appropriately in different light levels (Larger/rounder in low or dim light, thinner in brightly lit areas), while what looks like the regular dark “pupil” doesn’t really seem to move.  

So basically that dark part is stationary, the iris area probably serves a different purpose or is some kind of evolutionary leftover, and the actual area that’s taking in light and showing receptors is that inner part.  Now with terrestrial animals the funny shiny colors in the eye in dark spaces is a coating that lines the back of the eye and reflects light to improve vision in the dark, but the Altaeans have that sort of shimmer effect all the time, even in brightly lit environments where the reflection wouldn’t be visible, which means whatever is coating the back of the eye or covering the lens is something Different.  

The fact that they do use a lot of clearly intentionally chosen color means they can definitely see the visual color spectrum we’re used to, but I’d be willing to bet that whatever causes that funny pinkish-purple shimmer means there’s some other receptors or internal structure, and God Only Knows What it works for; better low-light vision is a likely side effect (and that pupil shape - the one that actually alters - IS a structural adaptation for dealing with drastic changes in light levels and adjusting quickly), but it’s entirely likely they have a range of color vision that’s way wider than humans, or ability to visually process things that we wouldn’t think of as working that way.

There are probably things in the Altaean clothing and around that ship that none of the humans are even aware are there, and considering how flowers tend to adapt using ultraviolet coloration to add to their ability to attract pollinators etc., odds are good that the Juniberries Allura’s so fond of probably have markings beyond being monocolor red.  

Galra are another bizarre one since there are no visible pupils or other structures and yes I know I’m probably overthinking something that’s partly aesthetics, but.  There’s a thing that humans only have vestigial remains of that some other mammals have, and birds have and use the Hell out of called a nictating membrane; it’s basically a translucent extra eyelid that covers the eye for protection against dust, particles, and other things that could damage the delicate thing used to see with, and if you look at pictures of a bird with the nictating membrane closed, everything’s kind of milky and faded.  

So my guess is that the “featureless eyes” effect is basically some kind of permanent membrane over the eye, instead of an internal eyelid.  If we also go with the theory that the world the Black Lion showed Shiro might have been their homeworld, that kind of looks like probably a pretty harsh environment and one with a larger risk of ambient Small Damaging Things; it’d be a good adaptation.  There probably are structures for controlling intake of light and all (iris, pupil, etc.) under it, they’re just hidden by an external membrane.  

There’s also the fact that everything we’ve seen that Galra built for themselves is REALLY dimly lit by human standards, and I’d lay good money that they’re either nocturnal or that they had to deal with unpredictable and often low light levels on their homeworld for that - making what seems dim and dark to humans “a comfortable light level” for them.  They’re obviously not hindered by bright light, or Haxus and Sendak wouldn’t have taken so easily to Arus in broad daylight, which might be another function of an external membrane that would make it hard to see features through - an extra filter to adjust to drastic changes in light levels or bright light without damaging the ability to see.  

And one thing that’s common in creatures adapted to be nocturnal and deal with lower light levels iiisss...... more ability to see one end of the light spectrum than humans and different receptors.  The usual go-to people think of are dogs and the partial colorblindness thing, where the receptors are weighted away from some kinds of visual-spectrum light and focused on colors that show up well in the dark, but there’s actually a pretty weird range of evolutionary chains leading to night-adapted vision.  In particular, there’s some aquatic life that sees all of the visual spectrum plus a large chunk, and nocturnal lizards that adapted to maintain full “visual spectrum” ability to see color but wedged in receptors for more of the ultraviolet spectrum.  

And the Galra definitely don’t have any problem with identifying the lions by color, which means they can probably see the color range visible to humans just fine, which puts it more towards being similar to either some of the aquatic life, or the lizards.  The evolutionary history on the geckoes is interesting b/c they’re an offshoot of a diurnal species that adapted to being nocturnal, and maintained a lot of diurnal-activity visual traits as a result, which raises questions about changes in their native environment or changes in their patterns somewhere way back in their history.  (I have an entirely different meta rant about Galra for being just plain damn weird as a species but that’s for another post.)  

So the end result is, that both species that were the major dominant populations working on the Lions and the Castle probably see a lot of colors that the humans just...don’t, with Altaeans probably having the wider/crazier visual range thanks to whatever the HELL that internal lining or structure is.  

For all we know, there’s actually directory markings on the walls and signs/labels on things everywhere like you’d see around current institutions or military bases that expect to have a lot of traffic and visitors, on both the Castle and the various Galra ships and installations we’ve seen, it’s just not in any color the Paladins can see, because it’s in colors that are easier for Galra/Altaeans to see IN THE DARK, when human-visible colors wash out and get harder to make sense of.

(Outtakes I would love to see:  “Oh just follow the signs.”  *Paladins stare at Allura/Coran*  “...The signs right here?”  *Stare at wall, stare at Allura/Coran, and someone finally pipes up “there’s nothing there”*.  Or Hunk/Pidge helping with repairs and using what they thought was some kind of clearcoat only to have Coran wail about one of the walls being haphazardly painted something weird, or finding out Coran has tattoos from his younger days that just aren’t visible to any of them.)

(And Keith possibly pretending not to notice anything like that because of remembering the occasional childhood arguments with teachers/etc. over what color flowers were and things like that and having made a lifelong habit of “If nobody else seems to see it just pretend there’s nothing there”.)  

[raysofmarie88-blog]

The sun was shining warm and kind as I sat on the stone tiled patio at my life coach’s New England home. It was our first session. As we talked about my goals and the work we would do together, I silently marveled at what a magical space she had created.

I felt like I had entered the Shire when I turned my car down the long dirt road where she lived, nestled between two horse farms. Her house is something out of a dream, not because it’s particularly lavish, but because she dreamed it. She intentionally picked and planted every tree, every flower and every stone.

I had chosen her as my life coach because I wanted what she had.

She spends her days reading books that inspire her and working in her garden because it gives her joy. She decorates her house with the things she loves; birds, the color green and paintings of boats. She uses the knowledge from the books she reads, the lessons from garden she keeps and her passion of the things she loves to connect with her clients and help them find their path.

In other words, she is free. She knows who she is. She is herself effortlessly and without apology.

That is what I wanted. I wanted freedom. I wanted to be myself without apology. I too wanted to spend my days doing the things I loved, surrounded by things I loved and using that love to serve others.

But I was stuck. I couldn’t get there. I tried to explain to her why by telling her about my dream about the wise old man.

When I was about sixteen, during a time in my life when I was desperately searching for healing, meaning and a connection with God, I had a dream. It was so clearly an important divine message, I woke up immediately and put it in a little red journal I kept by my bed.

In the dream there was an old man who reminded me of Gandalf. He came to me and showed me many things. One of these things was a doll. She reminded me a bit of the sky dancer fairies I played with in the 90′s (you know, the ones that you shot into the sky by pulling a string, only to have them come back  and whack you with their plastic wings?). But there was something wrong with this little fairy doll. She was sputtering on the ground, going round and round in desperate circles. She seemed panicked. She was trying to fly but could not.

The old wise man asked me,

“Why can’t she fly?”

I answered, “Because one of her wings are broken.”

Indeed, the little doll had two wings, one was beautiful, shimmery, healthy and alive. The other wing was rotted, broken, black, twisted and decayed. With her good wing she tried to lift off the ground, but her broken wing anchored her to the earth. She kept going in circles, faster and faster, but went nowhere.

Her maddening, fruitless desperation broke my heart.

“Is there a way for her to fly?” The old man asked.

I knew the answer,

“She has to cut off the broken wing.”

“Yes,” was all the old man needed to say for me to understand.

The doll was me. Flying was my destiny. Freedom. My calling. My soul’s desire. The only way to stop the futile, insane circles was to cut off the old wing.

There are many things that the dark wing represents to me, all relevant at different times of my life. I have to sever the fear of another’s opinion, an outdated belief system, self hatred, self doubt, fear of the unknown, fear of failure, or a toxic relationship.

As I sat with my life coach that day, I explained to her that what was keeping me on the ground at that present moment was not trying to fly with a rotten wing. Rather, I kept cutting off rotten wings again and again. I wasn’t trying to fly anymore, I was caught in a whole different cycle.

My life coach was able to guide me to the understanding that in order for me to fly, I had to make a new wing. To really get rid of an old belief system, you have to know what you believe instead. It isn’t enough to know what you don’t want for your life, you have to know what you want in it’s place.

This struck me. I had spent so much time fighting against the dark forces keeping me from flight, I hadn’t really thought to move on to the next step, to grow a new wing and GO.

Once we identified that this was what needed to be done. Marianne gave me some homework. She asked me to create a collage of pictures, words and symbols that were meaningful to me. Things that made me happy. Things that I held as sacred. Things I believed.

“It’s already in your heart, all the things that make up your beautiful new wing that will carry you off the ground, you just have to look,” she said.

The time to battle was over. Now was my time to create, dream, explore, pray and seek. She reminded me Love was there to lead and guide.

She ended the session by saying she wanted to give me a gift. We both love coloring books, so she decided she would give me a page from her personal coloring book.

“Hmm...let’s try to find a picture you’d like.”

She opened the book and the first picture she came to was a picture of a butterfly. One wing was colored in, one was left blank.

With a gasp she put her hand over her heart and turned the picture around to face me. I saw and immediately burst into tears.

There it was. My sign, my invitation, “Color in your wing and fly!”

I keep this picture hanging in my room. It reminds me I don’t need to fight to be free. I am free. It reminds ]me not to waste my days trying to prove I am not the girl I used to be. Instead, I should dream of and then simply live as the woman I am. To fly, I will fill my mind with the books that inspire me, plant seeds in my heart that will give me joy and surround myself with the things, people and places I love.