#And I am stem dumb
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Watching the x files and voyager and hearing about the Scully effect and ig the janeway effect (?) of inspiring women to go into stem and leadership roles in science I'm like yeah! Feminism! But I also feel like I have this obligation to be a smart woman in stem but I am at best a woman (?) who tried stem and was like fuck that I am not stem smart. I now I feel like I've let people down.
#Idk maybe it's because I see them as role models but they only get talked about as role models for women in stem?#And I am stem dumb#Also don't like how my specialty is obsolete in star trek bc if translation matrices#Rant#the x files#st voyager#dana scully#kathryn janeway
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my gma told me that my mom used to wake up, eat breakfast, then study for 12 hours straight. every fuckin day. and my gpa would bring her food and tell her to take breaks bc of how immersed she was. she’s literally my role model forever
#I want to be on that level of sheer focus/passion w everything I do#this is what I remind myself of whenever I’m lazy or I don’t feel like putting in the hours. like my mon did THAT every day#I rly am intrinsically motivated bc of her and she also showed me that you truly can love science even in a broken education system#ofc being raised in her image did predispose me to science but I’m also so grateful it’s an organic love#and that I’m not doing it for something as dumb as prestige or money. like I genuinely adore it#and I was never raised in a gIrL MaTh household like my mom made it clear math was very fun to me since I was like 2#and I think that influenced my confidence in pursuing stem/medicine bc I grew up watching my mom solve differential equations for fun#I also love how suffused she was in her studies. that must’ve felt so rewarding. I strive to be that way too#she also taught me it’s possible to be smart AND pretty and that has been the motto my whole life#I luv my mom post no. 8272662 I just had to say it#p
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[ID: a digital illustration featuring Luz, Eda, King, and Papa Titan from the owl house. The image is set in the in-between realm. Papa Titan looms large in the background, winking at us with his claw outstretched into the foreground. The hooty in his eye socket also extends into the foreground, staring at Eda (who's in harpy form) menacingly. Her, King and Luz are floating in the space, Eda looking at the hooty unhappily, King faced away and turned back to look at us, one hand outstretched to Papa Titan, Luz looking at stringbean (surrounded by light spells) with tears in her eyes. Written overtop of the image is the lyrics "and here's to you, Mrs Robinson!". End ID]
💫🎶and here's to you, Miss Noceda! The Titan loves you more than you will know, wo oh oh!🪶✨
#the owl house#toh#luz noceda#eda clawthorne#king clawthorne#king toh#papa titan#watching and dreaming#sorry i wrote out all my tags in drafts and then tumblr ate them so i am. keeping this brief#I think a lot about how the show ends with luz technically becoming a chosen one but it's so completely earned imp#*imo#bc it all stems from her connecting with and taking care of this overlooked and lost kid who just so happened to be the son of God#and about how papa titan called himself a ''big fan'' of Eda like#imagine you're someone condemned by society at large and when u meet God (bc you fucking died) he says he wants you to live#even more he wants you to want to live. which is important bc you're fifteen and suicidal#this shows crazy man#i sometimes worry that bc i mostly only talk about what i like about the show ppl think i don't care/don't get it#which is dumb#but like. i talk about what i like about the show not bc i don't have crit of but just bc like. the parts that are good are REALLY good man#i love her (toh) dearly and it fucks me up we're coming up on the 100 day anniversary of the finale. insane#anyway. tumblr pls don't eat this i only have so many years left on this earth
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pretty much all my friends from high school or college are either in political science/government or STEM. the token non-stem friend.
#sometimes it makes me feel really dumb and no one wants to go to the theater w me :(#i mean i am not a performing arts person in terms of my career or skills but i like performing arts#i know i'm not dumb i'm good at a lot of things but i'm not good at math#and like half my friends are stem phd students
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Brb gonna be thinking so hard about this when I should be trying to get some sleep
Maybe I should draw some stuff like this later.... Gotta put a pin in that <<
#🫥.gush#🤝.pla#🍒.talks#It's so dumb but the whole soup thing just stems from cooking being my love language 😭#I would absolutely do everything I can to win the rest of the group over with good food it's just my nature 😭😭#(I stress cook/bake and usually try to give what I make to others because I am not only very picky but also have no stomach capacity)#But oughhh bedtime cuddles... How I long for those rn......
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very grateful to be 26 and to not be afraid to look like an idiot when I raise my hand in my classes
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oh my gods. @syneilesis i am so, SO sorry. i was up to 4 playing idv and reading fanfic and was half delirious when I sent that ask. thought I hallucinated it until I woke up to your response in my inbox but no it was very much real hfbsnsnmmamsnkdkfv
but hmmm for silvio it could be either he tries out the True University Housing ExperienceTM (aka a loudass common dorm or a shitty little apartment with roommates) OR alfio kicked him out of the house and cut his fundings so he has no other choice but a shared apartment LMAO. idk I just think the idea of silvio having to rough it out in a dinky little apartment where shit breaks once a week is very much amusing am I projecting? oh yes absolutely
also YOU ALWAYS FIND WAYS TO READ MY MIND!!!! /pos I've been messing around with the idea of a drunk ONS with beast Keith and then seeing meek Keith in class the next day and going ??? are they twins??? internally ajsjdjfkgg I think it would make for some incredibly comedic situations 😂 although before that I want to make sure I actually learn to write keith properly which is why I've been research on DID and reached out to a couple friends who I know are systems so I can properly depict him and not lean into ableist stereotypes hahsjfg which is why I'm hesitant to start anything with him juuuust yet
#random ramblings#ikepri#need to start password protecting all my social apps after 2 am so I dont do dumb shit like this#this is so embarrassing im so sorry ajdjfjfgkhjj#I love the princes tho I think they should all suffer in undergrad/graduate student hell alongside me#(im joking...... Mostly)#my college experience will be vastly different than them tho cause theyre all stem and business majors w/ incredibly demanding courses#meanwhile im an art student in a sleepy little beach town with only 4 classes a semester nshdhfhghlj#to be fair theyre all 6 hour studios BUT STILL
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lmao we got hate for being pro endo while we were gone, i just like deleted it bc like ✨ ew ✨ but how tf you gonna send hate to a completely inactive blog???? wild
anyways our stance on endogenic systems has not changed <3 if you dislike this, cope away from me. My opinion is firm and will not be changed by a hate comment from someone probably half my age. I gotta make sure my family can eat yo, I do not have time for all that.
#🗡️ :: personal#cope#seethe perhaps#besides honestly hate comments are fun#toxic af but like#it gives me attention and my bpd/hpd ass loves it#especially when its somethin dumb#and obvs theres a HUGE difference between hate and criticism yknow?#but the hate comment was basically saying how im not a safe space for trauma victims and all that jazz#assuming i was endogenic which nope#i am fully 100% traumagenic#some headmates stem from things other than trauma but the system at large is traumagenic#so yknow#i aint sayin i dont care#i care in the sense of “oh boy attention fuck yeah”#i just think its a sad thing to do to an inactive blog lol
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I find it rly funny that I’m most known for doing jojo fanart and my 2 drawings of Miguel spiderverse are also pretty popular but unfortunately I like women more
#I’ll spread the docval agenda. idc#literally what is better than a cringe girl failure and her hot vampire wife. women in stem am I right#dumb#rambling#that’s how most popular posts go I think��.#someday I’ll get ten billion notes on my docval art
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as much as i enjoy being liberal arts at a stem school. sometimes i get so angry being liberal arts at a stem school.
#being talked down to by engineering and business majors makes me want to scream.#like yes i am sure they are better than me at math but i did also take all three ap math classes available at my high school#and i did decently well!! i could have gone into a stem field if i wanted to!!!#but they just assume i am bad at math like they are bad at reading comprehension.#i have been nothing but polite to them i really wish they would see that and not reciprocate with the implication that i'm dumb
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Genuinely wonder how less stressed I would be as a person if I wasn’t constantly worrying about financial stability.
#like truly so much of my stress stems from not having enough money and it’s dumb because money is fake#just like give me a million dollars and I’d like to see how less stressed I am
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How do people do this career thing. I'm gonna cry
#I don't understand why this is happening to me#I was so sure of path in stem and now I'm so conflicted#how do you choose this thing and why is it so painful#I've had to peel myself just to glimpse at what lies beneath and I DONT UNDERSTAND#why is it so tough#why can't someone just tell me what to do#I literally have body ache thinking about this#and this is all I think about#maybe physics just isn't for me? but I've spent so much of my life in it's service#maybe I was just overcompensating so that I could convince myself that I did love physics when it was just the attention I got from my#family when I was reading that hawking book something that I've always craved. they saw me as somebody worth something finally. I wasn't#the dumb sibling anymore. I was the one with the unconventional career choice?#I was the one who wanted to study physics. the stuff of people's “nightmares”#I was in the 8th grade. How do you recover from that.#who am I?? what do I want??? outside of my family's expectations and impositions??? I've set and worked for this impossible fantasy of me#becoming an astroparticle physicist and I don't think I love it. I wouldn't give myself up for it. I wouldn't sacrifice myself or my friends#or my family for it. maybe I've just been doing well because I've had to work hard. I work harder than all of the other people in my classdo#for a pretty average position#maybe I'm wrong but what if I'm right??? what if I'm going in the wrong direction??
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i keep seeing screenrant articles and stuff (most recently) that are all "*gasp!* the toymaker has fixed continuity in doctor who by saying that actually it's all a mash up of different timelines!" and every time i'm just like yeah???? that isn't new that's literally the entire show
#el speaks#doctor who#dw 60th#google has long since figured out what I'm into#(apparently it's doctor who and archaeology and quantum mechanics in case you were wondering)#and i am occasionally a sucker for that specific kind of clickbait that's like#NEW STUDY SUGGESTS UNIVERSE MAY ACTUALLY BE TWICE AS OLD AS WE THOUGHT#where you can just take one look at the headline and go#nah#nah that's preeeeeeeetty obviously a massive exaggeration of conclusions made by a single preprint#maybe a chance that the authors would agree with the headline because they're going a little out there#but probably even they would say it's an exaggeration#the REAL exciting stem headlines are like#we found the first aperiodic monotile (it's shaped like a hat)#that's when you know you've found the good stuff#(the actual headlines about that were much less funny but I don't remember any examples because they weren't very interesting)#sometimes less interesting headlines = more interesting stories#but also sometimes i just want to read some dumb shit that's completely nonsensical but also 100% completely benign#because you know what? sometimes ya just gotta get way too into string theory and that's fine#fringe physics beliefs generally have utterly no impact on one's actual relationship to the world around them#and anyway how big can the overlap between people who care about this shit and people who believe this shit be?#wait what am i talking about now? i started out talking about doctor who#oh well#that's what the internet is for
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organic chemistry got me like
#help me#i hate myself for choosing a smart girl profession#am not smart#dumb girlies in stem unite!!!!
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Essentially what it is all boiling down to is I have fully realized I am bad at being a person, that will always be true, and I don’t know how to handle that
#I’m going to be depressing and self depreciating in the tags so. fair warning to anyone who reads them#I’ve known for a while now that I don’t know what to do with my life. I’ve thought of a few ideas but none of them seem to be working. and I#think a good chunk of what it’s boiling down to is that I am quite literally just stupid when it comes to an actual useful real life skills.#and it’s frustrating because I can’t even talk to ppl I know and confide in them that I feel dumb and stupid without them being like ‘nooooo#don’t say that! you’re not stupid! you were top of your class in hs!’ (that is their favorite thing to fall back on) but like. the thing is#I wasn’t even smart in hs. sure I did good but that’s because I cheated my way through and got lucky a lot. I never actually learned anythin#I never understood what I was being taught or how to apply it. I was good at English and art classes and that was it those were the only one#I truly felt I knew what I was doing in and grasped the subject matter well. I know I’m good at those two things and smart when it comes to#those subjects. but the thing is. in real life. both of those are useless skills. I can’t make money with them and it is highly unlikely#that will ever change. and yes I know not being able to make money with it doesn’t mean it’s useless but like it kinda does. capitalism#sucks. I know that. we all do. but that doesn’t change that we live in a capitalist society and it’s unlikely to actual change in my lifetim#so I’m stuck to try and figure out how to live in it. but I have no skills I can make money with so I will live my entire life poor and#miserable and working dead end jobs that make me want to kill myself. I’m not good at socialization I’m so fucking bad at it so I can’t work#any kind of job that hinges on networking or sales or human interaction which is MOST JOBS but I’m also too stupid for anything related to#STEM. I tried two different stem degrees and flunked out of both of them because I am a FUCKING IDIOT and I know there’s no point in trying#to go back to school for another one. but no degree in anything I naturally have a knack for will help me find a decent well paying job. ill#just be wasting my money to go to school for something like that. and then like. I don’t even think I’ll ever get married and I def won’t#ever have kids. so I can’t even put any hopeful stock in just being happy with a family one day. I know a lot of ppl who don’t like their#careers but they’re fine with that because they’re happy with their family but like I don’t even have that and I won’t ever have that. I#have NOTHING to strive for and NOTHING I am good at that’s meaningful I’m going to fail at having a career and a family and I know that#doesn’t mean I won’t be happy in theory but by societal standards I am and always will be a fucking failure of a person and since I do live#in this society yeah. it’s kinda fucking true. and I don’t know what to do about that. I’m just tired. I’m tired of being afraid and#struggling and going through patches of wanting to kill myself because of this because like what’s the point. I’ll never have anything#better so what in the actual hell is the point of me existing. and I know I’m being ridiculous and my brain is eating itself and none of#this is probably even true but that doesn’t change that it FEELS like it is a lot of times and esp right now and I don’t know what to do#to anyone who reads this I’ll be fine tbh prob as soon as tomorrow like dw about it I just need to get it out so I stop stewing in it.#I’m just. yeah. not having a great time rn but I left work so I’m gonna cry and then maybe sleep for a bit and hope that helps#kaz rambles
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me planning on giffing jongho and then things take a turn
#tw crying#lmao#tw negativity#im crying in bed bc i feel so worthless AND im being quiet bc my roommate is here and talking to me and im somehow managing that#like what if i dropped out on god#women in stem? no#like fuck me fr 🫶#apple lady words#this one class is taught by the shittiest adjuncts known to man . theyre doctors not professors#they cannot teach for shit#my capstone project is like. making a thing for a company. how am i supposed to do that#im just so dumb! lmao#stupid woman in stem#plus other classes im dealing with just bc my life needs that extra spice#oh and your favorite dude has a severe knee injury and every time you think about him u wanna cry#i love life so much
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