#And Angst at That

[rottmntquotes]

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Ignore the gentle pitter-patter of Mikey's little feet here and the not-so-subtle drag of Raph's tail there. Eyes closed at all times, scales down, tail still; wait… wait…

Now.

Leo leapt up from his place on the training room floor, just narrowly dodging his youngest brother's attempt at a sneak attack. He landed on his feet almost silently with his beak curled back to express his brief pain. He couldn't do this exercise for too much longer - his legs were bound to give out on him the longer his brothers continued to pounce.

Speaking of.

"THINK FAST!" Raph shouted, launching forward with a large smile.

Letting out a loud groan, Leo ran towards Raph, preparing to either land a hit or take a pulled one. A good explanation as to why he let out a yelp of surprise when Raph rammed into him like a bull.

"OW! RAPH, WHAT THE HELL?!" Leo hissed, struggling to squirm out from under Raph's body. "I thought you were gonna pull that punch!"

"Which is exactly why I didn't!" Raph triumphantly replied. His tail thumped on the floor as a sign of his happiness, the smile on his face ever bright even as he stood to face a pissed off little brother. "You gotta remember that our enemies aren't gonna pull their punches on ya just because you're-"

"Weak?" Leo scoffed, making no comment on how that one word erased Raph's smile completely. "Yeah, I know that, Raph! I know that villains aren't gonna just take it easy on me because I have a fracture on my plastron or a cracked carapace! If anything, they'll take advantage of it!"

"EXACTLY!"

"Guys, please! Stop fighting!" Mikey cried, reminding his brothers of his presence. The tears in his eyes created a pool of guilt that settled in Leo's gut, one that drowned him in his thoughts that he believed he'd gotten over weeks ago.

Everything was his fault. The invasion, the injuries, the trauma; all of it. Had he just listened to his brothers, not been all of the things Casey- his own son -had called him, he wouldn't have to listen to this rant. Wouldn't have to see Mikey cry every time a beautiful drawing was destroyed, wouldn't have to hear Donnie groan in pain when he moved in certain ways that pulled the healing gashes on his shell, wouldn't be afraid to think that Raph would look at him with nothing but disappointment and frustration whenever he made a poor decision in battle.

A heavy sigh escaped through Leo's lips as he took a moment to bring himself back down to earth. It wasn't doing anyone any good to argue, and it sure as hell wasn't doing anyone any good to make Mikey cry. Once he was completely calm, Leo looked back up at Raph, fingers just barely fluttering and giving away his stifled annoyance.

"I just wanted some time to myself." Leo slowly started. "I don't see why me sitting with my eyes closed was taken as an invitation for you to-"

"Boys! We've got trouble!" April shouted as she raced into the training room. "Hypno and Warren Stone are trying to steal another ancient artifact from- HEY!"

Leo didn't give April the satisfaction of receiving an apology, as his brain had become focused on one thing and one thing only.

Find the bastards that helped me start this mess.

"LEO! WAIT ON YOUR TEAM!" Raph shouted, groaning as his order was promptly and easily ignored.

"As per the usual, he runs off to save the day on his own." Donnie snarkily commented, a look of utter annoyance on his face as the group entered the Turtle Tank.

As they left the garage, there was the collective feeling that something was missing. Though they looked around, no one could find any physical items missing, and no one remembered leaving their weapons at the lair.

THUMP! THUMP!

"Ah, that's what we were forgetting." Mikey chimed, watching with a smile as Casey Jr. and Cassandra Jones climbed into the tank through the roof. "Hey there Cassie and Casey!"

"Hey Uncle Mikey!" Casey replied, seeming disturbingly excited to join a potentially dangerous situation. He looked around intently, soon frowning worriedly. "Where's dad?"

"Probably off being an idiot." Cassandra muttered as she looked through the tank's telescope.

"Mom!" Casey huffed, casting a brief glance of frustration towards his mother.

"Well, your dad may have kinda sorta… ran off to fight the villains before us." Mikey nervously giggled.

"Called it!" Cassandra shouted, not noticing Raph's slight leap of surprise.

Casey sighed, biting his bottom lip worriedly. There was no telling what Leo could get himself or others into, so the boy could only hope that the family got to the scene before things got too out of hand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They didn't get there before things got too out of hand.

"THE LEADER IS SUPPOSED TO WORK WITH HIS TEAM! AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHY THAT IS!"

"I HAD IT HANDLED, RAPH!"

"YOU WERE TRAPPED UNDER A CAR!"

Had there been enough time, one of said teammates would stop and take time to yell at Raph and Leo for wasting their breath on arguing in the middle of a fight. Sure, what Leo did was reckless, irresponsible, and even dangerous, but that didn't need to be brought up now. Not when one and a sixteenth villains were currently beating the group's asses into the ground.

"How are they beating us?! We stopped an alien invasion for hell's sake!" April scoffed.

"It likely has something to do with the artifact!" Donnie replied. "I'll use my goggles to look for any mystic energy! Casey or Cassandra; cover me!"

"On it!" Casey eagerly shouted, running towards Donnie and just narrowly dodging a flying dagger. "Whoa! Where'd you pull that from?"

"Oh, would you really like to know?" Hypno asked, moving swiftly to pull a rabbit out of his hat as well.

"Oh, my God! Dad, he's a wizard!" Casey shouted, swinging his hockey stick frantically. "Do a sword next!"

"Yeah, you really are your father's son…" Donnie muttered. Taking the moment to pull his goggles down and search for the artifact. "Come on… where are you?"

"Looking for something?" A voice asked, spooking Donnie long enough to draw his attention away from the fight.

"I'll do you one better than a sword!" Hypno chimed, pulling a sledgehammer out from his hat. "THINK FAST!"

Casey yelped and ducked, an action that Hypno hoped for as he swung and made contact directly with the side of Donnie's head.

"UNCLE DONNIE!" Casey screamed, drawing everyone's attention towards him.

The sight at his feet was horrific, blood pooling out of every orifice it could, a dent that was a sure sign of how much strength Hypno put into his swing, an eye that just barely popped out of its socket, and teeth that pressed down to bite off the tip of Donatello's tongue. By all accounts, the softshell should be dead, killed by such force, yet there was a wheezing gasp that told Casey otherwise. A rise and fall of Donnie's chest that said 'I AM alive, I AM here, and I. AM. IN. PAIN.'

"DAAAAAAAAAAAD!" Another agonizing cry came from Casey, echoing through the eerily empty streets and breaking Leo out of his stupor.

"Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit!" Leo gasped, racing over to his boy and brother and trying not to gag at the sight. "No… not you, Dee. Not you, it should've been me…"

"Why don't we make it both?" Hypno darkly chuckled, raising his sledgehammer up over his head. The look of desire for blood made something akin to both terror and fury run down Leo's back, and he hissed like a wild animal before pouncing.

Loud screeching accompanied Leo's next actions; claws and teeth tore into whatever flesh they could, working hard and fast as the Slider received nothing but amused laughter.

"LET'S SEE HOW FUCKING AMUSED YOU ARE WHEN YOU'RE DEAD!" Leo roared, digging his teeth and claws deeper and deeper, growling louder and louder the more Hypno laughed.

Fuck, he wanted to stop that disgusting laugh.

"WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!" Leo screamed, stopping for a moment and gasping at the realization that Hypno's body was regenerating itself the moment it was able to. "No…"

"Yes!" Hypno cackled, throwing Leo back and using a card to- somehow -make himself disappear.

"Leo!" Mikey called, giving Leo no time to wallow in self hate or plan his revenge. "What do we do?!"

Leo took a deep breath, looking down at Donnie and keeping his focus on Donnie alone. He couldn't bear the terror on Casey's face, the fury on Cassandra's, the horror on Mikey's, the despair on April's…

Or what he was absolutely sure was hatred on Raph's.

"Okay, here's what I need everyone to do…"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The ride back to the lair was a less than pleasant one. The moment Donnie had been put together enough to be moved into the tank, he was cautiously transported onto a specially built cot. After that, no one seemed to want to talk to anyone.

Save for Casey, who only wanted to talk to his dad.

"I didn't mean to get him hurt, Otōsan." Casey whimpered, seemingly terrified to make eye contact with Leo.

The statement honestly spooked Leo. Not only because the tank had been silent at the time, but also because Casey rarely ever used Japanese. He was just being taught by Splinter, and didn't seem to take to it as much as he did to everything battle related.

"It's okay, Casey. You didn't mean to." Leo assured. "You made a mistake. We all do."

"But look at what my mistake did!" Casey sobbed. "Uncle Donnie could… he might… and it's all my fault!"

Leo sighed, pulling Casey into a tight hug. "Your uncle is going to be fine. You know how I know?"

Casey sniffled, looking to Leo with teary eyes.

"I know because he's one of us. A Hamato-O'neil-Jones. And we're the most stubborn creatures on earth!" Leo cheered, smiling with relief as Casey laughed, albeit briefly. "I bet my right arm that Donnie will be okay. Forehead and all."

"Thanks dad."

"Anytime, son."

~~~~~

The moment they got home, the first place everyone went was the med bay, where Leo hissed and snapped at everyone but Casey, who was the only other one with medical knowledge and training. The two worked for hours on Donnie, doing their best to keep their tears from blurring their vision or falling onto Donnie's injuries.

"Is this really all we can do?" Casey nervously asked as the duo finished cleaning their operating table.

"You don't have to stop at surgery." Leo replied with a well-practiced false smile. "You can come visit your uncle as often as you'd like. Read books to him, tell him about your day, talk about what's going on in school - stuff that'll keep him happy."

"Well, that means that you and Uncle Raph can't argue." Casey replied. "It annoys everyone when you both get in your 'moods'."

"Really, now? Did Donnie teach you to talk like that?" Leo asked.

"No… yeah." Casey replied.

Leo sighed, shaking his head slightly and tapping his claws against his thighs just as slightly. "I'm not equipped for this."

Casey opened his mouth to respond, though no words were found as he attempted to reassure Leo. This wasn't his area of expertise, and he knew the most efficient thing he could do right now was take Leo's attention away from the current frustration.

"I've only seen you get like that one other time."

The comment was enough to make Leo turn and look at Casey with interest, and it took everything in the boy to keep from outwardly celebrating.

"It was before I was sent back; I was five, maybe six years old, and all I was trying to do was ask you a question." Casey grimaced at the memory, a flash of red making him briefly cringe. "Granted, I should have known better than to interrupt a meeting, especially one about invading a Kraang base, but I was just… so excited to get your opinion on an idea I had.

"No one else seemed to mind me rushing through the crowd to get to you. Even if I did step on a few toes by accident. All I could think about was how happy you would be… until one of your best soldiers pushed me to the side and called me a spoiled brat."

Casey saw how Leo tensed at the mere mention of the incident, fearing that he would cause the Slider to go into some sort of uncontrollable rage. It was a silly fear, but one engraved into Casey's mind ever since that one fateful day, the day he was forcing himself to recall.

"I didn't find the term offensive, didn't even know what it meant, really. I just thought he was pushed over the edge and needed an outlet; everyone did, so no one really took insults to heart in the future. Like normal I just planned to brush it off and go back to running towards you, but that was until I noticed everyone staring at you like you were some terrifying monster.

"Of course, being the stupid kid I was, I told everyone to stop being mean, to stop looking at you that way. I went on a rant about how you weren't going to hurt anyone… until I saw what everyone was afraid of.

"When I looked into your eyes that day, I didn't see the master and father I had come to know and love. I saw… I saw an animal. A monster. There was no color, no joy, no life. I barely had any time to say your name before you had leapt forward, and I believe part of my brain has buried a large part of what happened next, since all I remember afterwards is seeing ten soldiers pulling you away from that man's half eaten corpse."

Leo stayed silent throughout the entire tale, breath heavy and pupils slitting as the seconds passed. All of the boys knew that nothing could stop them from being animals, no matter how much they tried to hide behind their human tendencies. They tried so desperately to keep from giving in to their feral nature, and had one rule, one fucking rule; never draw blood by claw or fang.

"…right dad?"

"What?" Leo swiftly turned to look at Casey with a somewhat fearful expression.

"I was saying that you'd never do something like that again. That you can control those tendencies now. Right?" Casey asked, tilting his head and hoping that the lights in the lab didn't reflect on the tears in his eyes.

They did.

Leo stayed quiet for an uncomfortable amount of time, grinding his teeth before sighing. "I think it's time for you to go home, son. Your mother is likely worried sick about you."

"But-"

"I have everything covered here, Case. I'll be fine, and so will your uncle." Leo calmly stated, pulling Casey into a stiff hug. "Go get some rest. You deserve it."

"But what if I have nightmares?" Casey whimpered, his shoulders beginning to shake as a sob threatened to escape. "Mom doesn't know your special story to chase away nightmares."

"Damn it, how are you so good at guilting me?" Leo groaned, relaxing his grip and feeling himself practically fall apart as Casey burst into tears. "Okay, you can stay."

"In here with you and Uncle Donnie?" Casey requested.

"Don't push it." Leo muttered, sending Casey off to his room. "You know where my extra comfy blanket is!"

The moment Casey was gone, Leo groaned, sitting on a nearby swivel chair and hissing. Now that he was alone in the med bay- meaning next to his twin brother, who had his face wrapped up completely so that it didn't literally fall into a thousand pieces -Leo was forced to go over the day's events by himself.

"How could I let this happen?" Leo whispered, tensing at the sound of creaking behind him. It was a familiar sound, that of someone moving on the med bay cot. "I'm sorry, Dee."

"I know you are." The reply was muffled, stunted even, though there was no hint of anger or disdain present. "Otherwise you wouldn't have broken our rule."

"I didn't mean to!" Leo shouted, turning toward the cot and grunting at the sight of Donnie lying completely still. His chest rose and fell rhythmically, occasionally matching the beeping of his heart monitor. "Ugh… I need sleep."

"You need more than that." Donnie's voice claimed, spooking Leo into looking to his right. "When was the last time you ate anything?"

As if proving the softshell's point, Leo's stomach growled like a ravenous bear.

"Kinda hard to worry about that when I have a team to care for." Leo muttered, looking down for a second and huffing as he looked up to find Donnie gone once more. "Agh, make this stop!"

"Leo?" Mikey asked, drawing his brother out of his loud tirade. "Are you okay?"

"Uh, y-yeah! Yeah, I'm okay. Just… tired." Leo replied. "And… upset. I'm sorry for scaring you. Now and then."

Mikey nodded, keeping a distance between himself and Leo. "I saw Casey heading towards your room. Is he staying the night?"

Leo nodded, huffing quickly. "Call his mother and tell her. I would, but you know she doesn't like me."

"O-okay." Mikey nervously replied. "You'll get some sleep after I do that, right?"

"Sure, sure." Leo curtly responded.

With a frown, Mikey moved to say something else, but stopped upon hearing Raph grumble something nearby. "Fine. Just try not to stay up too late. You deserve rest too."

Leo smiled, chuckling at his baby brother's concern. "Alright, you've tugged my tail. I'll get some sleep."

Mikey beamed at the statement, wagging his tail as he turned and left to call Cassandra. Once Mikey was gone, Leo groaned and ran a hand down his face, pulling his mask down around his neck.

"How do you know if you're a bad leader?" Leo asked after a few seconds of silence. He didn't expect an answer, but by God did he want one. "Because it feels like I'm the biggest damn example of one."

"That seems like more of a Raph question." Came Donnie's reply. The voice that Leo now knew was fake, but was more than ready to pretend was real.

"Yeah, but YOU'RE the one in a coma right now." Leo snapped. "Good leaders don't let their teams fall apart like this. Don't get their kids involved in relationship drama, don't break important rules that KEEP THEIR FAMILIES SAFE!"

Donnie stayed silent, much to Leo's dismay.

"I don't know what to do right now, Dee. I have the flesh of a villain's blood under my claws and between my fangs, and his blood is mixed with yours on my hands, even after they were washed!" Leo buried his head in his hands with a whimper. "My son blames himself for your injuries, his mother hates me, Mikey is scared of me, and Raph is probably trying to come up with some sort of lecture worse than anything he's ever given in his entire life!"

"What am I, chopped liver?" April asked as she sauntered up to Leo. Her brother's hisses were promptly ignored, and she let out a breath of relief as they were replaced with sobs when she hugged Leo. "You have to stop doing this to yourself. It's making you completely unhinged."

"I just wanted to be a decent leader. Someone useful to this team for once." Leo cried. "And what do I get for it but a brother who almost died."

April shushed Leo and sat them both down on the floor, holding him close and encouraging him to listen to her heartbeat until he calmed down. "No one's perfect, Leo. And Donnie could have gotten hurt under anyone's leadership; you gotta remember that."

"I know that, April! I know that it was an unfair fight! I know that Hypno had a stupid advantage! But it's just so hard to accept!" Leo sobbed. "I can't just move on and say that I forgive myself, because I don't, and I'm so scared that I never will!"

April frowned, running her hand along Leo's shell and sighing. "I can't say that you will, hon. All I can say is that we'll have to hope that time will help you heal."

Leo shuddered, snuggling closer to April and opening his mouth to say something more.

"DAD! DAD! DADDY!" Casey shouted, rushing into the med bay and practically tackling both April and Leo onto their backs.

"AGH! CASEY! WE NEED TO BREATHE!" April gasped, waiting for her sort-of-nephew to back up before letting out a loud breath. "What was that about?!"

"I had a nightmare!" Casey replied, hugging Leo with as much force as possible. "We were fighting that villain again, and I was looking for dad to make sure he was okay, but I couldn't find him anywhere!"

"Oh, Case." Leo whispered, wiping a bit of sweat soaked hair out of Casey's face.

"I was so scared that the villain had… that he had…" Casey couldn't finish his sentence, clearly too upset to do so. "Please… don't let him hurt you… please don't go off without us so we can't help you. Not again."

"I won't, Casey. I promise." Leo assured.

"With all your heart?"

"To the moon and back."

Casey smiled and sniffled, nuzzling against Leo's chest with a shuddering breath. "Tell me your story to chase away nightmares?"

Leo nearly burst into tears again then and there. Even as someone a year younger than him, Casey still seemed so innocent. He saw Leo as a hero, someone who could chase away those ugly monsters and fight off the demons that plagued everyone's mind. It was a lot to ask of a teen, but if it made Casey feel safe, then so be it.

"Once upon a time, there was a young boy who was born in a land of peril…"

[bebx]

[gemsandjunk]

the two types of billford content

[noodles-and-tea]

Twins in time au but they have slightly different reactions….

[edwardcreel]

reblog if you believe fanfics are as valid as books that were published and sold by authors who write as their main careers. I'm trying to prove a point

[the-overanalyst]

it's always so fascinating and heartbreaking when a character in a story is simultaneously idolized and abused. a chosen prophet destined for martyrdom. a child prodigy forced to grow up too fast. a powerful warrior raised as nothing but a weapon. there's just something so uniquely messed up about singing someone's praises whilst destroying them.

[shamefulzombie]

Not Perfect

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

feeling called out today

credit: _ADWills

[mcntsee]

The real barbie is Y/n.

Y/n’s a doctor, a cop, a scientist, an agent, vet, hero, villain, astronaut, lawyer, spy, criminal, artist, chef, engineer, psychologist, architect, journalist, firefighter, event planner, mechanic, photographer, musician, actor, interior designer, bartender, fashion designer, barista, florist, forensic scientist, flight attendant, profiler, tour guide, translator, etc.

[arysamisu]

no, its not

[lilliesand-valleys]

[ato-dato]

Piss off!!! Thanks!!!!!!!!!! :)))))

[bebx]

reblog if you’ve read fanfictions that are more professional, better written than some actual novels. I’m trying to see something

[soimse]

“He wants me so bad he just doesn’t know it yet” -Bill Cipher probably

[sweetteaanddragons]

I have been thinking lately about a universe where Bruce Wayne killed the Joker.

I want to be clear here, since there are so many longstanding debates on this topic: I do not think Bruce Wayne should kill the Joker. I have just been wondering what would happen if the circumstances aligned in such a way that he did.

And to be clear on a related, yet slightly different topic: when I say I have been wondering about what if Bruce Wayne killed the Joker, I do not mean as the Batman. I mean Bruce "Brucie" Wayne.

Maybe it's kind of an accident? Like, he definitely did intend to hit the Joker, but he's Brucie right now, so he's trying not to look like he knows what he's doing while still doing enough damage to keep the Joker from killing someone, and meanwhile the Joker makes just the wrong move and -

And here we are. Brucie just killed the Joker.

Bruce's reaction here is one thing; he has his one rule for a reason, he's just broken it, he's determined to turn himself in -

His family's reaction is a whole different story. How does Cass feel about this?

How does Jason? Bruce has killed the Joker, just like he wanted, but it wasn't for him, not really, and -

And meanwhile, this happens in front of, say, a gala full of people, so now all of Gotham gets to react to it too.

Average Gothamite, seeing the words BRUCE WAYNE, JOKER, and KILLED in the same headline: OH, NO.

Average Gothamite, once they've processed the order those words are actually in: . . . I did not have that on this year's bingo card.

The city's most famous mass murderer has just been publicly killed by the city's biggest employer/philanthropist/source of tabloid harmless nonsense! Three days before Brucie was making tabloid headlines by tripping into a fountain and somehow losing his shirt in the process! Two weeks before, the newspaper was running a retrospective on the Wayne murders and what donation Brucie was making to help the families of victims this year! The article mentioned how one of his adopted sons had also tragically become a murder victim!

Now this has happened, and Bruce is having a breakdown over breaking his one rule, and the rest of Gotham just assumes that this is because poor Brucie thinks this somehow makes him like the man who killed his parents. They send a huge outpouring of support his way. This in no way helps Bruce's actual breakdown.

Ninety percent of Gotham is sure Brucie didn't actually mean to kill the Joker, and pretty much a hundred percent of them support him whether he meant to do it or not. No one wants to have anything to do with prosecuting this mess. Bruce is trying to make it as clear as possible that he will fully cooperate with the justice system and meanwhile an entire gala full of people is suddenly acting like they could in no way have possibly witnessed events that took place ten feet in front of their faces. Did Bruce kill the Joker? Is the officer sure? That doesn't seem like him. Maybe the Joker just tripped on his own. Marble floors, you know. Very slippery.