#America is so American it’s actually funny
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It's similar to how the confederates post-Civil War would talk about how the slaves were practically parts of the family, not soulless chattel, so that made it okay. It's revisionism to make it seem tender and harmless.
And somehow, SOMEHOW, the slavery of the United States of North America was worse than what Latin America did to the Afro-Latinos. SOMEHOW. Despite the fact the USA got roughly 1/10th of the slaves sent to the New World.
And that American slavery got talked about as if Europeans conquered parts of Africa and THEN sent the majority of the slaves over, when in fact the slavery rings and industry already existed there. But they glossed over it in such a way that they made it to seem as if first Europe colonized those parts of Africa, established the slave trade, and THEN started taking African slaves.
Only when it was brought up that Africans were capturing and selling other Africans, did they concede "well yes that was a thing, but also, it's Eurosupremacism and Capitalism's fault, because-" blahblahblah.
"They weren't REALLY slaves, in the way American chattel slaves"- Blahblahblahblahblah.
Are we supposed to believe that North American slavery was thousands of times worse than slavery in the Islamic world? Are we supposed to believe Arab Muslims and Berbers were incapable of the kind of depravity and sexual assault we know occurs there today?
Race based chattel slavery as we imagine it didn't even start in 1619. Before the reforms to make it more like the horror story we know today, we have to hit the 1700s, and we have to completely omit and pretend Latin America's slave trade never happened or was somehow mysteriously nothing compared to what happened in the states.
Are we supposed to believe that for absolutely no reason, singularly white people became utter soulless monsters some time in 1700 and absolutely no one ever treated slaves so poorly? By the time of the Emancipation Proclaimation, there were 3.9 million black people.
That means at most we had 241 years of American chattel slavery, versus the actual 400 years the Ottomans had Greece.
They've been trying very hard not to make enemies of the Hispanic or Arabic communities, instead focusing on unity and solidarity against white people, and capitalism. So they downplay Arab slavery, they downplay Indian slavery, they downplay Native American slavery (of Africans. They were fond of it.) All the while trying to convince members of those communities to take up the torch internally, but keep the discourse out of the public eye and conversation.
On its surface they pretend not to mention or talk about Latin-American slavery, allow this Reagan-like "we are all Americans" among Hispanics, as if Hispanics are somehow a separate and distinct, sinless lot from white people.
Watch how white the discourse is going to make non-indigenous, non-afro-hispanics in the coming decades, as this rhetoric is used to schism Afro-Latins from Spanish-Latins. Watch how they'll differentiate Afro-Arab, Berber and Persian/Aryan people from the "enslavers/colonizers."
As is, they've been doing a very funny dance of attributing all the carnade Spanish-America did to just "white supremacy," but then wiping the serials off and attributing it to expansion of the anglosphere of North America. Somehow, the Hispanics are not guilty of their own carnage, slavery, murder and genocide and exempt from being called white people, but we have to acknowledge that happened, so 'whiteness' in general (assumed western, northern Europeans) is blamed.
It all comes back to anticapitalists writing the history books and attributing everything to white people and capitalism, while marginalizing and downplaying other, identicial or WORSE events in history to highlight this narrative and talking points.
We have to define this word as something that absolves the group I like of any guilt and lays it all on Western Europeans.
Russia and China get some too I hope.
Next up, we cover all the ways that being enslaved by the ottomans wasn't real slavery for one reason or another that still ignores the fact that the people were still considered property.
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We surface eventually, and clamber down the back stairs and out into sharp morning light, squinting against the sun. I feel like a vampire. My friends’ faces are gaunt and drawn, eyes still black. They look like they’ve been dead for a week.
Except Jen, sober Jen, who smiles sleepily and stretches her arms, breath condensing in the cold air. “God, that was mad,” she says. “What time is it?”
“Eight,” I say. Being out in the daylight like this is always weird, with families walking around, people going to work, while we are like creatures who have dug our way out of the earth, lurching toward home amongst the living. My mouth is so dry, and my jaw hurts. I foresee an afternoon spent throwing up, head in the toilet bowl, groaning as Jonas hammers on the door, appealing to my sense of humanity by reminding me there’s only one bathroom in the apartment.
“Oh, well, I should probably pack my bags and stuff.” Jen says.
I rub my eyes. “Oh, your flight.”
“Oh, Jen,” Dalia says with a big sad face, “I wish you could stay,” they hug, and rock each other side to side. “Please, come back and visit. This was so fun.”
“I swear!” Jen says. “I love you guys. Come see me in Dublin!”
“Don’t make them go there,” I say, to which she laughs. “Actually, yeah. Never mind. I’ll come back here! And for longer!”
“Please!” Elias and Dalia cry in unison, and then we leave, trudging toward the train station.
She snoozes on my shoulder on the U-Bahn, while Jonas and I, wired, wide awake, stare at our reflections in the window all the way back to Kreutzberg.
I lie on my bed, eyes on the cracks on the ceiling, while Jen shoves things into her suitcase. She’s cleaned off all her makeup, leaving black smudged wiped crumpled on the surrounding floor.
“This was so fun,” she’s saying. “I had such a good time. I mean, last night was amazing. Did you see I kissed that girl with the fan?”
“The fan?”
“Yeah, she was carrying this weird, lacy fan. Anyway, she was dead pretty. I wish I’d gotten her number.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I tried, but she didn’t speak English. There was no point.”
“So you didn’t speak before you starting kissing her.”
“No, we didn’t need to. I just met her eyes across the dancefloor and we both knew.”
“Ah, nice.”
The mattress shifts under her weight, and her face slides into my vision, pink cheeked, with eyeliner still smudged in the spaces between her lashes. “You’re coming down.”
“Yep.”
“Poor Judie. Rough day ahead.”
“Honestly, it’ll probably be a few days. A week, even.”
“Oof. Do you do this a lot?”
“Too much, probably.”
“Oh well,” she plonks back down to the rug and continues shoving things into her case. “At least I know you’re having fun over here. I’d be worried you’re suffering.”
“Do you worry about that?”
“Kind of.”
I laugh gently. “No, Jenny. I’m not suffering. Things are good.”
She struggles with the zip, and it rasps lowly against the bulk. “I was worried I wouldn’t like your friends, you know. I’m glad I met them, because they’re amazing.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I wish they were my friends. Jonas is adorable. Elias too, so fun, and Dalia is probably the coolest girl I ever met in my life. I never got to ask her what part of America she comes from.”
“Pittsburgh.”
“I dunno where that is.”
“Nowhere close to where I grew up.”
“You sound different when you talk to her.”
Turning my head is an effort, and the room lurches a little. Later, I’ll probably be so dizzy that standing up feels like getting off the waltzers. “How so?”
“Your accent gets more American. Did you know that?”
“No.”
“Well, it does. I suppose when you’re talking to someone from the states you kind of copy what they’re doing, or something. It’s just funny, because you weren’t like that at home.”
“With dad?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, it’s not like I really talk to him, is it?”
She pauses thoughtfully. “Well, I’ve heard you say ‘okay’ to him a few times.”
“Hm,” I say. “Well, maybe I’ll lose my Irish accent while I’m here.”
“Would you like to?”
I shrug. “Sure.”
I shut my eyes in the hopes it will stave off the wave of dizziness that comes over me. My temples throb gently with the onset of a headache. I half listen as Jen goes on about how great my friends are, Jonas, Elias, Dalia. Perhaps she’s hoping I won’t notice who she has left out, but she is wrong.
“What did you think of Astrid?” I say, and she pauses, just for a beat, before answering with enormous enthusiasm.
“Oh, she’s gorgeous. You were right. Even better in person than in the pictures.”
“Yeah.” I roll on my side. “She’s incredible looking, I know, but… like, did you like her?”
“Of course I did.”
“Yeah?”
“She’s so nice.”
I hesitate. Astrid isn’t that nice. At least it’s not a word I would use to describe her ahead of something like intelligent, confident, shrewd. Out of all the traits she has that I admire, I couldn’t say her niceness is something that sticks out. It’s not important to me, and I require it from her. Nice isn’t untrue, exactly, but it's not a real answer.
“Your opinion is really important to me,” I say, and she busies herself in her backpack, double checking for her phone charger and passport.
“No, I mean it,” she says distractedly. “She seems to care a lot about you, and that’s the main thing, you know what I mean?”
On my elbow now, I look at her, pulling things out of her bag and shoving them back in, and my anxiety rises. I wanted our dinner to go a little better, sure, and they could have hit it off more than they did, but Astrid is Astrid. She’s a tough nut to crack at the first meeting. It takes a while for her to warm up, to get comfortable. She takes some getting used to.
“I know things were a bit awkward there, when we were talking about school, and she didn’t have anything to say and all that.”
She waves this off. ‘No, it’s fine. She didn’t have to say anything. I was more worried about whether we were annoying her by talking about it so much.”
“I doubt it.”
“It’s alright, like, she doesn’t need to have the same humour as me.”
I frown. “Well, you and I have the same humour. In fact, we’re so alike that I thought you’d get along with her.”
“We got along.”
“But you weren’t bowled over.”
She sighs, “Jude, don’t make me talk myself into an awkward position.”
“I’m not doing that. I’m just wondering what you thought.”
“Yeah, but it’s like you’re not accepting my answer.”
“You haven’t answered.”
“I have. I said she’s nice.”
“Yeah, but like, ‘nice’ is a non-answer.”
“She’s not what I expected, right? But there’s nothing wrong with that. I just always thought you’d prefer to go out with a girl that laughed at the same things as you, or was silly and goofy, or, I don’t know, less… severe. I’ll meet Astrid again, and I’m sure I’ll be bowled over. We just didn’t have a lot of time to get to know each other. It was only a few hours, and, I dunno, Jonas was there too, and I was talking to him, mostly.”
“I–” I decide to ignore the first part about the girls I supposedly like. “Well, I hope so. I’d be pretty sad if my girlfriend and my best friend didn’t get along.”
“Everyone is friendly here.”
“Right.”
“I can tell you don’t believe me.”
I sigh reluctantly, and fall back onto the bed. My headache makes my brain slosh against the inside of my skull. “Jenny, I do. I believe you,” I say. “And I’m glad you like her. It’d be really fucking shit for me if you didn’t.”
“Well, I do.”
“I’m glad.”
“Good.”
Beginning // Prev // Next
#lucky boy 2011#sorry for late post I’m painting a ceiling lol#sims 4 story#ts4#sims 4#sims 4 storytelling#sims storytelling#sims story#simblr#simblr story
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I don't know whether I should find Trump voters freaking out after learning that Trump doesn't care about him funny or infuriating. It's funny bc literally every reason they had voted for this man was a bold-faced lie and infuriating bc ppl on both sides has be telling them over and over that Trump would fuck America over and now that it's affecting them and their precious gas and egg price, they want to cry about being duped.
I find regretful Trump voters quite pitiful and soulless. Which is quite a lot from me cos when I despise someone to the core I go completely apathetic towards any suffering they may have.
They voted as selfishly as possible. Some didn't even care about the prices or anything, but yes for "sticking it to the libs".
But... While a lot of maga voted for Trump because he openly hates those they hate, there's unfortunately a lot of dumbass people that actually believed he would "unify" America.
(I'm not even joking. I've seen some maga online that are that effing delusional. They really thought they were the "good guys" in voting for the orange skidmark. I swear they need to get slapped for the audacity but I don't want to catch shit from them. )
These are the same people that compared wearing a freaking MASK to slavery so they've always been stupid and also racist af. They blame and project their own mediocrity on minorities and women (even if they're women themselves cos holyshit do maga women hate other women. My own maga mother... Oh she's literally hates everything with a vagina, even animals)
Those voters regretting their vote now... They won't even get the concept of pity from me. (My maga mother and her crying over her VA benefits she voted away lost me forever too.)
They didn't even know what tariffs were ffs. Or that "Obamacare" (a nickname given by republicans themselves, btw 😂) is the ACA they wanted to keep.
They just saw "Obama" in the little nickname and thought "Evil Black Democrat President is robbing us blind. We only want ACA🤬!"
Some are trying to lie to themselves thinking the tariffs will bring back American jobs (😂) and make us buy only "American products" ignoring the fact that our "American products" have imported components that will be affected by these tariffs.
So our "Made in America" shit... Yeah. That's going up.
Oh don't get me started on how more than half of our agriculture is imported and the agriculture that's actually done in our country is done mostly by immigrants that get paid shit wages. (And when Trump deports them all and farmers are forced to hire Americans that couldn't be assed to work a field, the prices will go up for our local agriculture as well)
These morons, we have to call them that, voted for the most epic downward spiral that will tank the American economy for potential decades (not just a few years of "hardship" like that Immigrant-That-Should-Get-Pimp-Smacked-Back-To-Africa Musk claimed.)
Sad thing is that we already had poverty. The middle class no longer exists. It's everyone's poor but with a handful of rich fucks.
And these moronic ass people just freaking put that shit on steroids with their dumb fucking voting.
People tell me I shouldn't insult them so much but shit. They're fucking stupid as hell.
They don't even understand why even relatives and friends don't wanna talk to them anymore 😂.
Oh its not a "difference of opinion". They voted to make us poorer, take rights away from the lgbtqia, women (yes, you miscarry and you can die from it now cos the procedure to remove rotting fetus matter is an abortion which these stupid dumbfuckers are very deaf about.), they voted against ALL POC (including the idiots that voted against themselves. DING DING DING! DENATURALIZATION! America has done it before and Trump will be bringing it back with his fake ass "invasion" emergency to activate the army), they voted against affordable healthcare and therefore fucked over people with preexisting conditions/disabilities etc., they voted against education because republicans need only stupid people to keep them in power.
Heck, they voted against gender affirming care because they think it only affects trans people when there's people with health conditions that require this kind of care (like me. A cis woman that produces too much estrogen that causes me a variety of health problems.)
Red states are behind in everything. Education, health, minimum wages but they're sure winning by being higher in crimes, sex crimes, incest and poverty.
They mooch off blue states taxes. They don't give as much as much back as they take. If it weren't for "demonrats" they'd be completely off the map.
Republican voters like living that way without realizing they could have been so much better.
They keep willingly voting for people that keep them in that life or worse... considering that these elections had very high stakes.
These elections were not like others in the past. He has too much power with the SC, senate and representatives.
Trump voters regretting their votes now should wipe words like freedom and patriot off their vocabulary because they have selfishly and quite stupidly fucked America.
Damn this shit was long, LMFAOOO.
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I feel like we’ve slipped sideways into a fucking comic book
#I know bad evil things have always happened and this isn’t much different than anywhere else in the world where things are fucked#but like I honestly hoped that maybe people are good and we could try to start fixing things#But maybe we should just pull the plug idk#when will magneto kill donald trump#America is so American it’s actually funny#it would be funny except for the fact that I can’t stop crying
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this but carlo & moretti😔🤨 thats all thank you
#i caaaaaaaaaaaaant find the whole piece bc apparently they deleted this book from the public domain🙄🙄🙄fuckers#but context: john torrio is in the hospital after an attempted murder#1931-32 idk failed murder attempt on moretti real hashtag canon now hashtag in my head#carlo & moretti#m2#also whatever funny thing: this is capone's biography written by one rus author and#they released this book as part of the “lives of wonderful people” series(😭)#and fucked it up badly bc it caused an outcry and the book had to be reissued (tho stalin's biography is in this series like fr tf🙄)#<- and ok i was googling this book & turns out that in the 1st edition contained a shit ton of photos#i took reprinted ver in the library & w like 1 photo in it#fuck now i regret it sm ���� but it was like the only available choice in the nearest libraries#i mean no this is actually ridiculous to print capone's biography in this series but ehh it's always so good#in terms of illustrative material so its upsetting#also second funny thing: was takin another books in the library today and GOD SEES american history sections are always so fucking funny#“the shameful history of america” ”rotten capitalism” and other such titles#dear god “u wanna fuck me so bad it makes u look stupid” situation. sorry its a n1 red flag to me when history books have such titles#no u dont do it this way. not “our gloriously prosperous country” vs “these disgusting other countries"#funny stuff. top 10 epic fail moments 0 swag 0 respect when this grandpa will finally die
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slender-swagsystem: collect my canadian friends&mutuals..
#herbert speaks#the literal vast majority of my friends and mutuals are canadian#im the token american guy to like 10 canadians#(not actually) (they probably know a LOT of americans) (its just funny to me)#why am i even in america dawg. i barely have any american friends and SO MANY CANADIAN FRIENDS#me to canada: let me in please :3 all my friends are in there!!#they should make me a canadian citizen just for fun#id prolly like it better than down here. my friends are up there.#to be fair i could prolly find a way to get like a work visa to stay up there im just very stupid and get stuck easily#“just google it” google is 90% ai search results and 10% stuff thatd probably be useful if i didnt have a fucked up brain that cant read#big blocks of text and me do NOT get along. i cant read that shit#its okay tho bcs im coming to visit all my pookies very soon with my PASSPORT!! RAHHHH!!
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#reading kim kitsuragi fics about his seolite heritage and. crying. (/positive)#wahhhh. wahhhhh. hes just like me for real.#anyway have been reading a bunch of#disco elly#fics recently and having a good time!! i need to write one immediately hffhh also i ADORE THE SKILLS!! SO MUCH!!#you may think my favorite character is kim. its true. BUT ALSO ITS ACTUALLY THE SKILLS. theyre funny silly :3#i loveee the skills so much and i need to play more of the game and memorize what each of them do so i can write them accurately#also people who rp as the skills on tumblr YOU ARE SO FUNNY AND I LOVE YOU. they are so interesting <33#i love them talking to each other!! i wish i could be a part of that but i think everyone is taken though. alas!#update: nevermind i solved it. i figured it out.#anyway topic at hand. kim brings me such joy. and as a seasian its;;; very poignant sometimes. important to me#born in america. but the asian heritage and all that comes with it stays. people will still assume. make comments.#asian american; a reconciliation with the self :'> stories where kim can have or navigate that are cathartic.#periodical life updates#I GUESS LMAO?#my favorite color is queue
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One day I will own WCW Slam Jam on CD, but until then my jank Wrestling Music Album collection continues unabated.
#wcw christmas brawl#wrestlemania the album#adult me finds it funny that the touching heartfelt ballad about leaving your lover went to self admitted serial adulterer bret hart#wrestling music#wcw#wwe#wwf#wrestling themes#so i actually owned wrestlemania the album as a kid#but i had the american version for some reason?#which is missing a song the uk version has#america you missed out on a song based on KONA CRUSH BRAH
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the maintenance ppl from the uni accom LOVE the pigeons & seeing someone w ‘control’ over the birds bc the whole flock will literally follow behind me but the Admin fucking HATE me & the pijs 😭😭😭
#stream#pij posting#it’s so fucking funny to me#like there’s this 1 guy idk where he’s from he speaks spanish but i don’t want to be like ‘spain !’ bc he’s soooo nice like i don’t want to#believe he’s actually spanish [bc i hate them bc of the king] it’s like hating america but not individual americans it’s just a particular#brand of xenophobia where i just hold u in disdain if ur proud to be from a western country & it makes me laugh#like global south ? BIG PRIDE LOVE EM & SUPPORT THEM
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20th century architect say something not pretentious challenge (impossible)
#girl what do you mean america invented tall buildings#wtf r you talking abt 😭#they think 50% non-american is like#insane diversity#i mean i guess it kinda was at the time but its still so funny to me to see them brag abt shit thats not really very impressive nowadays#also when i say pretentious i really mean like. combo of actual pretentious and entitled and racism and like nationalism or something#architects
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not just americans
No citizens of any country are somehow inherently bad or evil because of their government. Full stop. That includes Russia citizens, Israeli citizens, Palestinian citizens, Chinese citizens, Iranian citizens, North Korean citizens, etc.
Everyone in this world is just living their lives, each with their own complex needs and desires and interests and emotions. They all have hobbies and friends and families and favorite foods. They all have their own motivations and varying political opinions and views on their governments. They all weigh the risks of standing out or speaking up and they all make their own decisions about that.
They all fear the same in times of danger. They all feel grief and pain and terror the same. They all love and hate and bleed the same.
They are people. They are no different from anyone else, they are not monsters or caricatures or nameless bodies in videos. Complexity and humanity are not exclusive to your country, to people like you.
#americans can't go on about how we're not evil bc of [insert war crime committed by our government here]#and then follow up with “but that country is 100% irredeemable”#but it's not just americans#other asians and australians will bootlick america over their japanophobia when it comes to the nukes and firebombings#and brits will always either bring up poland or more commonly blowing up british cities to say that blowing up germans was payback#and both americans and brits will say that the cities had military targets and that “but the civilians supported the war effort”#to try to push the narrative that in the 40s german and japanese people who disliked their gov didn't exist#to try and say that there was no such thing as a german or japanese victim#to say that the allies did NOT harm anyone#also they will be hypocritical. the war effort excuse is funny bcuz every fucking country shoved war down civilians' throats#and pressured them to support the war effort so....#and when they whine about concentration camps rape and murder of civilians by jpn and ger#they will either cover up ignore or defend when they do the same thing#even during ww2 the allies did some crap that would actually be considered illegal now#sometimes they did crap that was illegal (not necessarily enforced because of the bias but still illegal officially)#such as the mutilation of japanese corpses and taking body parts as gifts and trophies#canadians literally razing an entire german town because of one soldiers personal vendetta#a few instances of brits sinking hospital ships#some murdering of pows#there was internment of german japanese and italians in multiple countries#done in america canada latin america and sometimes the uk#and lastly for ww2 there was cases of americans australians brits and especially russians raping german italian and japanese women#and don't even get me started on vietnam#everything america did in vietnam.. it was war crime after war crime#all of them seem suspiciously similar to what the japanese did in terms of methods#there were way more massacres than just my lai#americans raped vietnamese women at random#literally jumped them when they were minding their own business or surviving#and they bombed laos and cambodia secretly just like their pwecious pearl harbor
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funniest disney history facts i can think of atm
literally EVERYBODY thought the lion king was gonna flop and pocahontas would be their greatest movie ever made. people begged to ditch lion king and work on pocahontas.
the reason robin hood ends so abruptly is that there was an actual ending planned and storyboarded but the crew spent too long arguing about everyone’s fursonas to finish animating it
madam mim was way less comedic in the original book but because her character was too similar to maleficent (who was in their latest film at the time), the sword and the stone crew decided to differentiate her by making her fucking hilarious
when making a goofy movie, jeffrey katzenberg (studio chairman at the time) told bill farmer to give goofy “a normal voice.” farmer, who had been voicing goofy for eight years at that point, including in the goof troop show that a goofy movie was a sequel to, was very confused. after making an attempt they decided to scrap that note completely.
as of march 2023, farmer is still voicing goofy, and tony anselmo has been voicing donald since 1986. the 2017 reboot of ducktales, which was slated as “wanting to do for donald what goofy movie did for goofy,” featured both actors as those characters; they had also been doing the voices for the original ducktales and goof troop/goofy movie. all the times goofy and donald interact in the 2017 ducktales however, donald was voiced by guest star don cheadle as a joke
current voice of mickey mouse bret iwan has stated that he has attempted to play kingdom hearts and did not do well
disneyland’s current world of color halloween overlay features a plot that is basically “the disney villains simultaneously adopt a goth kid” and i love it
people will make jokes about “well math says that the beast would’ve been 11 when he was cursed” well that was actually the original intent, but a flashback scene of baby beast was scrapped because he looked “too much like eddie munster”
when disney sent a representative to pixar to check on toy story production, she was like “this is all great! what style of music are you thinking” and they were like “for what” “for the songs” “we uh. we weren’t gonna have. any songs” and she went dead silent and then went “i have to make a call” and left the room
saludos amigos and the three caballeros were made as ww2 propaganda. the government commissioned disney to make movies to make latin america like them so that they wouldnt side with the nazis and provide them an in to invade, and latin america really liked donald duck so
saludos amigos was apparently the first time many usamericans realized that latin american people were like. people. film historian alfred charles richard jr said that the film “did more to cement a community of interest between peoples of the americas in a few months than the state department had in fifty years”
while latin america generally liked both films, chilean cartoonist rené rios boettiger fucking hated the chilean segment of saludos amigos, seeing the main character of pedro the plane as a weakass bitch, so in response he created condorito, the most popular comic character in all of latin america
disney wanted to adapt ts eliot’s old possum’s book of practical cats. his widow adamantly refused, and then sold the rights to andrew lloyd webber bc he wanted to make it sexy and she said “tom would’ve liked that”
in case you haven’t seen the defunctland, walt disney wanted epcot to be a futuristic utopia where he was basically the dictator. then he died so they just made it another theme park
speaking of defunctland the first defunctland video was on disneyworld’s alien attraction and please watch it. please it’s so funny
after the huge failure of the black cauldron disney was going to shut down its animation department. the department tried to convince them to keep them alive by showing them the one scene they had finished for the next movie– the mouse burlesque from the great mouse detective. it worked
the only attraction the black cauldron ever got was in tokyo disneyland where they put a tour under cinderella’s castle where everyone had to escape the disney villains trying to kill them, only to end at the horned king and the cauldron, who would try to sacrifice them to satan. this tour was popular but was closed in the early 2000s as the tunnels didn’t fit earthquake regulations and i want it in disneyworld so bad
walt disney once referred to his unionizing workers, led by goofy’s creator art babbitt, as “commie sons of bitches,” and i want a mickey build-a-bear that calls me a commie son-of-a-bitch whenever i squeeze its paw
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Reminder it is canon that America is ACTUALLY a celebrity and the American people refer to him as Alfred.
(a strip of America doing a commercial for a hair straightener.)
(Japan giving into peer pressure for a hair straighter when his hair is already naturally straight is so funny too btw. And he KEEPS falling for it lmao)
That means the other countries are just chilling at home and America pops up on the TV trying to sell them something America on some "You're not you when you're hungry, have a snickers" Type shi. I wonder how much his appearance fee would be though. Like you KNOW he does a Super Bowl Commercial ever year. I bet the American people are like "What brand got Alfred this year, M&M? Doritos? Progressive? Budweiser?" Or maybe Alfred making SNL appearances. Just imagine it.
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gobsmacked is my new favorite word
#like:#dear lord! my gob hath been smacked!!#i dare say this has left my gob sufficiently smacked#smacked be thy gob#also im american#so idk if this is a funky non america word that actually isn't funny but either way i LOVE it
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i saw this tiktok earlier of this (i think??) desi guy doing stand up comedy and he was saying how the conservative indians were abroad not actually in india
#that’s actually false bc i promise that does not apply for non ‘modern city’ areas of india#✋🏽 firsthand evidence bc i have witnessed#but that’s so funny bc the guy was like#if u want ur kid to be a virgin at 25 raise them in new jersey not new delhi LMFAOO#😭😭😭#honestly i could not imagine living in india though#i think what a lot of non-children of immigrants in america don’t understand is#i can love india and my culture and my religion and practice everything and visit the motherland#but a lot of us could not imagine actually living there#i think it’s this like ‘always a foreigner�� complex that i feel like i always have#like in america im not really american bc im indian#and in india im not really indian because im american#so like 🤷🏽♀️#it’s so tiring honestly#i wish i could meet more people like me and not have to deal with their superiority complex and need for competition#like i’ve only met a select few people who are not so weirdly competitive#like the people who think the model minority myth is real and try to fit into it#anyway this took a turn#the joke was funny tho anyway
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The wild references to Finland in Honkai Star Rail
Hello, in this post I'm going to go over the various references to Finland in Honkai Star Rail (Also touching a little on HI3) and explaining them the best I can so that non-finns can understand how hilariously delightful they are.
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Starting with a funny one: Welt Yang.
The man is canonically 1/2 finnish, 1/4th chinese and 1/4th german according to sources I dont understand.
The way this is represented in Honkai Star Rail comes in one intentional form and one that may be an accident but I love it anyway:
1.
Welt's given name is Joachim Nokianvirtanen, a name that is utterly hilarious to a finn like me. Why? Well Nokianvirtanen is not a surname anyone here would ever have. Virtanen is a real surname, but for some reason Mihoyo decided slap Nokia in the front of it??
The name translates to "Nokia's rapids." Which adds to the funniness because yes Nokia is an actual place in Finland and not just the brand, but it is also very much the brand.
(Also Joachim is not a finnish name even if many finns are christian.)
This is the equivalant of naming an american character Jesus McDonaldslake.
2.
Welt's hair colour! A lot of people imagine blond and blue eyes when imagining a finn, but that's not actually accurate to the statistics. The most common hair colour here is in fact "Maantien harmaa." Translating to country road grey. Sometimes they leave out the word grey or replace it with blond. The colour is known as dirty blond or pale brown in english speaking countries 👍 This is less funny and just a cute detail.
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Secondly we'll be going over Sampo Koski, a man many know to have a very finnish name.
BUT FIRST Fun backround info: I didn't know Sampo was in this game when I first started playing, so when he showed up and suddenly dropped finnish words at me I was utterly jumpscared.
Finland is very rarely referenced in media outside of our country, so most of us are NOT used to hearing anything about our home in media.
Furthermore there's actually a meme about this very thing that everyone in the country knows: Torilla Tavataan. This translates to "Lets meet at the marketplace" which is referring to the idea that when something massively cool happens we should gather together and celebrate.
The finns REALLY want to be acknowledged by the wider world lol
Anyway back to Sampo. His name is actually something I could totally see a real finn having, although his first name is a little out there.
Sampo is an item from finnish* mythology that was forged by a super capable smith with the help of his whole village. The item is golden with multiple spouts that produce valuable things like flour, gold and I believe... salt? You can find more about the item online.
Koski meanwhile means a river rapid. Uhm, lotsa water themed names here, huh!
Nothing that funny going on with his references to be honest. I can even say the voice actor did an amazing job pronouncing his name correctly.
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Yunli's companion quest!
This is the newest batch of references I've ran into, but if I or anyone else finds more I'll be updating this list :]
In Yunli's companion quest we meet... Paavo. His name is Paavo--
This NPC introduces himself as a traveler from far away who's come to deliver a sword from his homeland back to the Xianzhou where it was originally forged. Here's why he made me giggle uncontrollably every moment he was on screen.
1.
Paavo is considered kind of a joke name, very comparable to naming someone Bob in america. The way NPC's referred to him sounded like "Mr. Bob" to me. It was so funny
2.
He is from the PLANET KALEVALA?? SAFlJ LJ ???
Kalevala is the national epic of Finland* and tells stories such as the one of Sampo's creation. The title does refer to setting of the story, but it is still weird to hear it as a name of a planet lol.
3.
Our food is really repetitive u right Mr. Paavo
4.
Paavo explains the sword he has come to deliver is called Miekka Kivessä. This is the finnish translations of "The sword in the stone." he proceeds to then explain the legend of the sword in the stone, which. It's not a finnish legend. We've never had a king, yet alone chosen them with a sword-- Not even in myths. Kalevala's highest ranking guy in the mortal realm is Väinämöinen who's an old wise man.
Also he says Miekka Kivessä wrong but that's to be expected, very funny, and also I admire the effort to at least try and make it sound natural.
5.
Finally, he later reveals his last name-- Which, why are we refering to him as Mr. Paavo if he has a last name...? Oh well! Mr. Paavo's last name is Kalastaja, which translates to Fisher. This is not a real last name in Finland. The english equivalent of this man's goddang name would be something like Mr. Bob Employee.
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Since you've made it this far I assume you won't mind me rambling a bit more. I'm personally psyched to see Finland mentioned in non-finnish media and love the wonky but genuine attempts to include us!
I think considering how many weebs there are in Finland who've come up with illogical "Asian names" to sound cool online, it's only fair we got the same treatment back :P I hope they'll keep delivering and I'd love to visit planet Kalevala one day.
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*It's worth noting Finland is a colonizer of the Sami people, and a lot of their culture has been annexed without any care or respect towards them.
Finland was also under colonialism itself for hundreds of years, and our myths have been largely lost to time with only some information left. It's super difficult to tell what is finnish mythology and whats the Sami people's mythology.
That's a fact that's deeply important to remember when discussing things like this, and I hope that the people reading this consider looking into how to help the indigenous people of the nordic region. Thank you.
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