#Ameera's fics

[mariatesstruther]

For the WIP game:

You've got me intrigued with the "maria and ellie" fic. Do you have a snippet? Is it canon compliant or an AU?

Also, I don't see the Christmas fic?!?!?! Maybe because you don't consider it a WIP yet because I know you've been sick.

I hope you're feeling better 💜

hello ameera 🥰🥰🥰 tysm, i am feeling better 🫶🏾

im glad you’re intrigued with this one! i was actually just working on this! i do have a draft, although very unedited because i’m terrible and don’t autocapitalize when i’m drafting, so be warned. it is a show/canon-compliant fic (haven’t decided if it’s a one-off or maybe the start to a whole mariaellie thing) in which ellie and maria have a meaningful one-on-one sometime shortly after ellie and joel get back, right after the end of tlou 1. i just really wanted a fic centered around the beginnings of the relationship between these two, especially addressing their conversation about joel from 1x06, because ive rewatching tlou2 gameplay and got struck by how close they seemed pre-joel’s death. i think plot-wise, it could also be an interesting start to a story about ellie finding her place in jackson under a mentorship program maria is piloting to help newcomers get acclimated to jackson. in this au, i’d imagine maria would want to mentor ellie, but ellie would need some serious convincing. here’s some snippets, i hope the it’s not too rough!

joel sending ellie to talk to maria:

“youre just too pussy to go over there and talk to her yourself,” ellie grumps, huffing down onto the couch to start pulling on her converse.

“that may be true,” joel says dryly. he doesnt look up from his stupid fucking carpentry book as he continues, “but i’m sending you anyway. have fun.”

“yeah, yeah, asshole. fuck you.”

“and try to watch your language.”

“oh, my bad! screw you! how’s that?”

-

maria talking to ellie:

“tommy told me yall had a hard time out there,” maria tries, attempting and failing at subtlety. it was always easier to her, both naturally and due to her career, to be more direct—but direct with ellie doesn’t always go well, in her experience. so she tries something different. “and that maybe you didn’t have the best time in school before, so. i get it.”

“yeah, well,” ellie snarks, and maria knows already that subtly isn’t the way to go with her, either. “tommy’s an asshole, and he has a big fucking mouth. you guys should find better shit to do than gossip about me and joel.”

jesus, this kid, maria thinks. the tone of her voice, honestly, is hilarious. despite herself maria barks out a laugh. “i have a feeling, ellie, that maybe you and i have the wrong impression of each other.”

“you mean you have the wrong impression of joel.”

“maybe,” maria says, which she can tell is more than ellie was expecting. “i admit, i have a lot of unresolved… feelings, i can say, about joel. i’m working on them. i’d prefer if we could focus this conversation on you and me.”

ellie seems uncomfortable at the prospect, shifting in her chair and fiddling with her long sleeves in her lap. “there isn’t really a you and me to think about.”

“there can be, if you’d like,”

“not if there’s shit between you and joel,”

“how i feel about joel has no bearings on how i’m going to treat you, ellie, and he knows that.”

“but it should. it has to. he’s my—“ ellie stops herself suddenly, cheeks going red and jaw locking in familiar tween-aged embarrassment. “he’s mine.”

“he is. and tommy’s mine.” maria decides to respond in the same way, putting things into ellie’s terms instead of her own, as juvenile as those terms sound to her ears. she’s realizing now, frankly, that this girl is quite the master at leading conversations, whether she realizes it or not. maria can’t help but wonder if it’s something she got from joel. “but they’re also each other’s, whether we like it or not. can we both agree on that?”

“i guess.”

“then it seems to stand to reason that we’ll be quite present in one another’s lives, right? whether we like it or not?”

ellie doesn’t seem to respond too well to the rhetorical questions, immediately bristling at maria’s leading on. “don’t fucking patronize me.”

“i’m not trying to, ellie. i’m trying to propose a proposition to you.”

-

thats’s what i’m giving for now! and i do have the xmas fic on my wip list, i just don’t have much drafted to post, at this point. it’s been hard to do anything this week on account of being sick, but i’m feeling better and writing more this week! hopefully i’ll have something soon, but i’m going to knock out the few wips i have on ao3 first.

@bumblepony ur ask is coming next bae i totally forgot i had one more thing to add to my catching fire au before i move to mockingjay!

[bumblepony]

Because you're my online wifey 💜

Girl, you are the best wife ever!

[hypnotisedfireflies]

Six More Summer Fics for Tessjoels

Follow-up to this post! There I just posted some of my favourite in-progress Tess x Joel fics for summer reading - now here are some of my favourite completed tales from the last year. (Why did I limit myself to six? Whose dumb idea was that?)

I can't fuck it up if it's not there, by @seethesunny I mean, in the title alone Vane pretty much encapsulates the subtle foundation the very relationship rests. Vane is wonderfully prolific in fandom but this was the first recent story of hers I thought of for this post. It's gritty QZ life and a terrific character study of them separately, and their budding relationship.

gun-shy, by myhomeistheshire A few writers have explored this premise but I particularly loved the way this author handled the story (especially as it's Tess Lives!) Tess, Joel and Ellie are so in character, it's unreal, you can just hear them as you read. Essentially, sassy street kid Ellie finds her Tessjoel parents.

part of something good, by @two-birds-alone-together I only read this one today! Shame on me, because it's Tess Lives and that's my core drive. I love the nuance between Tess and Joel as they deal with their Ellie problem (lol) and the growing relationship between the three. I can be really picky about Tess joining the Ellie & Joel journey but this is really well-rendered. The chapter 1 cliffhanger is diabolical.

shine bright, by @tessaservopoulos Particularly partial to this one (check the dedication!) but that just made it easier to choose the right fic for this post! This is a sweet bite-sized story that crams so much atmosphere, subtlety and fun into one story. A little real light (figurative and literal, ha) in the darkness during the QZ years. I love me some QZ gritty, but this is irresistible.

Getaway, by @ameerawrites Comedy is really hard to put on paper, especially in fic where you have to both be funny to your reader and have the situation play out in the character's voices. Ameera does both in this cosy little AU fic. It doesn't just feel like an isolated story, though. Tess and Joel feel really authentic and you get cute glimpses of their wider life beyond their failed Colorado ski trip.

mist, by sillylily07 Choosing just one fic by this author for the list was a bit of a chore, because there are so many and separating just one out to include was really hard. This is a wonderful example of this author's understanding of the characters, combining the rough-edges of their relationship and situation with the tenderness they have for one another. Bite-sized flirty fun.

Fear of Heights, by @mariatesstruther Sike, a bonus story: Tommy/Maria! Look, this is the meet cute of the century for Tommy and Maria. At random times of the day I just find myself thinking of - oh, you'll have to read it, but I'm grinning as I type just thinking about it. The characterisation is on point and it feels canon to me. I love how Tommy connects with Jackson before the commencement of the story because it feels so realistic and you can feel his desperation, but he's still so fucking ... Tommy.

I tried to keep these lists kind of succinct so I didn't lose days of my life in compiling them, but they are not the extent of wonderful Tessjoel fic out there. I know I have left off terrific authors and stories but I tried to get a little sampling of some of the talent actively writing at present. Please leave more recs in the comments so I can smack my hand against my head and go OF COURSE and be angry at myself for making these lists so brief.

[marceltheshellwithflipflopson]

Hi Stepharoni! Surprise self-rec time!🌷Pick 3 of your favorite things you’ve written and share them here, then put this in the inbox (anonymously or not) of your fellow writers to spread the positivity and help celebrate already written fics 💖

(if you've already gotten this from someone else, just link the post you answer in so I can check it out, please 🙏🏼)

Ameera!! This made my afternoon <3 It's hard for me to look back at what I've written and see anything good about them, so this was a really nice exercise in self-love. :)

In no particular order:

tried and true

I'm proud of this one simply because I didn't think I could write multichapter fics. Even though I still mostly exist in my oneshot hidey hole, it was fun to stretch the boundaries of what I thought I was capable of. There's a lot I wish I had done different about this looking back, but there are soooooo many scenes in this fic that I go back and read simply because I love them.

dustcakes, daisies

My most recent fic! I'm not sure why I like this one so much, I think it's because it's really a manifestation of the style and tone that I want to continue writing with in the future. I've never been one for a real structured plot or pace (see: tried and true, lol), but I really challenged myself to treat this fic like a mini novel--that is, having a plot that follows a structure. And I think I've become a better writer for having done it!

if we make it through december (we'll be fine)

Though I've written a few post-episode 8 fics, I think this one is my favorite. It's just my take on the classic mini-genre we've created as a fandom. I went into the writing process looking to create my personal dream post-8 fic, and I think that's what I did! I challenged myself to slow down the pace and sit in the details, and I think it worked out well.

Thank you for the surprise ask Meers, I love you <3

[emilylawsons]

Hi Kayli! Surprise self-rec time!🌷Pick 3 of your favorite things you’ve written and share them here, then put this in the inbox (anonymously or not) of your fellow writers to spread the positivity and help celebrate already written fics 💖

(if you've already gotten this from someone else, just link the post you answer in so I can check it out, please 🙏🏼)

Thanks, Ameera! I had to think about this one a lot. And honestly I thought it would be pretty much all Tessjoel fics, but I went back a reread a few of my Fringe things as well and found one that stood out.

Matter and Light — A short Fringe drabble set after 5x08. It’s probably my best introspective bittersweet angst work, and I should appreciate it more. Try to tap into that in future writing. I can read this and think “damn I wish everything I wrote was this coherent and poetic.”

I’m in the trees, I’m in the breeze — A Tess haunting Joel fic. One of my longer one-shots. It’s probably had the greatest response of anything I’ve written, and it’s canon compliant on top of being incredibly angsty.

Of Artists and Architects — My WIP. My baby. My precious child whom I have nurtured for over a year and haven’t abandoned no matter how many times I’ve wanted to. It’s admittedly not my best writing, but I’ve written 20 chapters, and that’s more than I’ve ever given to a fic in 14 years of writing. For those who don’t know: it’s my modern Tessjoel AU and it’s pretty much my personal playground. There are times I love it and times I wish I’d never started it. We have a rocky relationship, but I can’t pretend like I’ve not poured myself into it. And any time someone gives it love, I melt inside and want to make them my best friend.

Anyway, if anyone chooses to read these and ends up enjoying them, please please please tell me. Because I could really use the encouragement right now.

[seethesunny]

4 what is the plot bunny you've been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven't written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

33 do you start with the characters or the plot when writing?

90 do you notice your own voice in your writing style?

Fanfic Writer Ask Game

Hey Ameera! Thanks for passing by :)

4. What's the plot bunny you've been carrying the longest? Do you ever wonder why you haven't written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

Okay so this is kinda tricky because I HAVE played with this concept before (it's one of my favorite things to write), but the "Ellie is Tess and Joel's bio kid who Tess gave away without telling Joel and things happen like canon requires au" Tess POV retelling fic has been a plot bunny of mine since ages and it's been in my head like a little parasite buuuuut nothing has come out of it? At least not being this /canon adjacent/, that's what I mean!

For starters that idea would be overdone by now (and I'm sure people more talented have tackled it well enough) plus mine was also a mix of a Tess origins fic; she's technically Anna in this, or at least that's what Marlene makes Ellie believe, and she's tied to the fireflies while this is all a secret to Joel and only Tommy is aware but he leaves anyway.

Both Joel and Ellie are clearly oblivious, but Joel connects the dots the farther they travel and Tommy confirms this when they reunite + Marlene was supposed to tell the truth in an attempt to get Ellie back and have the cure (you can't let Tess’s sacrifice be in vain, Joel) yet he doesn't spare her life. The last part is going to be recycled for a segment in whumptober, though.

So it hasn't been made and probably won't be made at this point, I can't promise it will 😅 if you want to be devastated the line: "She gave life to Ellie, and gave her life to save her." Is what Joel thinks while he carries her to the car, and he feels no remorse in keeping their daughter alive and safe.

Also you can have this thingy from a random note app between my grocery list and wifi password:

"You know about your parents, girl?" The teenager shakes her head, avoids her eyes, "Marlene never told you anything?"

"Anna." Tess is so confused, but doesn't need to ask when it clicks; a fake story, a lie just like her own reason to give this girl away. "She only told me my mom was named Anna."

They keep walking, Joel is still ahead of them. She sighs relieved.

They will never know.

It's a bit sad, but it's for the best.

33. Do you start with the characters or the plot when writing?

Characters first, then plot! If I have no idea what characters are doing and adding to the plot or how they're supposed to fit, then I can’t work at all haha this is why in my outlines I need to specify their importance to the story so it feels satisfying, you know? It's also that my stories are character centric and they're my main focus 🫠

90. Do you notice your own voice in your writing style?

Annoyingly so! Like I said previously, the more I write, the more I influence everything, and that's very distinct to who I am 🫡 I hope it doesn't come off as pretentious but sometimes you kinda notice those small details only after you've written it, and you understand it's very you.

[chronicallyonlinewriter]

Get to Know Me Tag Game

Got tagged by @ameerawrites! were you named after anyone?

My uncle swears my father named me and me sibling after a pair of fictional dogs from a classic novel. My father denies this.

when was the last time you cried?

Last night, because @march-flowerr wrote something that made me cry.

do you have kids?

No. I have two small, furry mouths to feed, and thus far that has been more than enough.

what sports do you play/have played?

I was very much into skiing in my younger years. As an adult I play on a coed softball team (I play catcher), and recently I joined a kickball league, but I don't think I'll do that one again.

do you use sarcasm?

Me? No. Never.

what's the first thing you notice about people?

How they have conversations. Are they eager to talk about themselves and only themselves, or are they willing to engage in actual conversation that goes both ways?

whats your eye color?

Greenish-blue.

scary movies or happy endings?

whynotboth.gif

any talents?

I'm okay at writing. I was decent at drawing, once upon a time, but it's been years since I tried.

where were you born?

A hospital.

what are your hobbies?

Writing, reading, riding my bike (clarification: my bicycle, not a motorcycle), paddle boarding, hiking.

do you have any pets?

Two. They are both obnoxiously cute, and one is kind of dumb.

how tall are you?

Short af.

favorite subject in school?

English, usually.

dream job?

It would be nice to get paid to write fics all day, but alas.

No pressure tags: @eedsknees @two-birds-alone-together @becomethesun (Ameera tagged everyone else, haha).

[ameerawritesstuff]

Prompt Garashir; 27, 31, 37, 40, 41, 50

Whoo! Sorry these took a bit! But wow, these were some of my absolute favorites to do! Btw, I took a very different interpretation than is probably expected for #40 and I think I’m going to turn it into a longer series on ao3 t some point because I’m really interested in where it could go.

Thank you for these great prompts!

27 “I’m with you, okay? Always”

I’m with you, okay? Always. Garak read that last line over and over again. He would have thought he was just being hopeful, wishing that Julian could ever feel the same way about him as he did. But the way the letter ended had shattered that. Love, Julian

Garak found himself reading the entire letter again:

My dear, Garak

That comma placement alone had gotten Garak’s heart beating rapidly. Surely it was a grammatical error, although out of character for Julian Bashir, it wasn’t unlikely. Furthermore, it could be a simple show of platonic affection. After exchanging letter after letter, even Garak had to realize he was indeed held dear in the doctor’s heart.

My heart ached reading your last letter, as it has for every letter prior.

The details of Cardassia being rebuilt were not easy to swallow, so it was no surprise Julian found them upsetting. Still, this was the first time he admitted it instead of offering suggestions and words of encouragement.

I won’t come to Cardassia if you don’t want me to and since you haven’t asked me to join you, I’ve stayed put, but please let me do something for you.

The idea that Julian would even consider moving to Cardassia hadn’t even crossed Garak’s mind. It had been a fantasy, that Starfleet would send him to Cardassia as a part of a goodwill project or something, but Garak had never thought it could be a reality. And yet here Julian was, saying he would join him if Garak asked.

I don’t know what I can send you, what I can say, what I need to do to help you. And I’m talking about you Garak, not Cardassia.

That had made Garak confused. Why would Garak, one man, get special consideration over an entire suffering population. Sure, Julian actually knew Garak, but familiarity was hardly necessary when it came to that young man’s bleeding heart.

Just ask me for anything and it’s yours. You’re working so hard to take care of all of Cardassia, you’ve neglected to take care of yourself. Let me take care of you then, please, I’m begging you.

Did Julian know that was essentially a proposal in Cardassian culture?

Being there for you never has been and never could be an imposition or a burden, since my heart’s always with you no matter what.

I’m with you, okay? Always.

Love,

Julian

The young man had somehow rendered Garak, who was never at a loss for words, speechless. How could he respond to this letter? Admit that he ached for Julian every day? Or simply ask that he join him as a friend? He could decline but thank Julian for his offer of assistance, that would be the wisest way for Garak to keep himself from getting hurt.

Still, the entire world that Garak loved had fallen apart. He had essentially no one to truly depend on and he had grown so tired and so hopeless. Would it be so wrong for him to want something nice for himself? To dream again? To desire?

My dearest, Julian

I await your arrival with baited breath.

Love,

Garak

31 “You’re alive?!”

“You’re alive?!” Garak couldn’t believe the doctor had just walked into his shop to see why he wasn’t at lunch. Why would Garak go to lunch with a ghost?

“No one told you…” Julian breathed in shock before chuckling. “I suppose that explains why you didn’t meet me at the infirmary.” He shot Garak an apologetic smile. “Sorry about the scare.”

“I watched footage of you being killed by the Harvesters,” Garak began, trying to regain his footing. “I’m not angry to see that it was obviously a forgery, however shocked I may be.”

“‘Not angry’ isn’t the same as being happy.” Julian smirked. “Come on, Garak, you can’t tell me you were upset over one Starfleet member.”

“Two Starfleet members.” Garak corrected. “I believed the Chief had also been killed.”

“Ah, yes, and you two are close, I’m sure.” Julian scoffed. “How many other people still think I’m dead?” Garak shrugged, as he truly didn’t know. “Well, how did you find out? We weren’t gone so long that news would really have been spread outside of personnel and family. Did Professor O’Brien tell people or something?” Garak said nothing. “Well? Am I going to terrify everyone I see if I walk into Quark’s?”

“I doubt that, my dear.” Garak said with a wave of his hand.

“Garak…” Julian had a mischievous smile on his face. “You weren’t supposed to have watched the footage, were you?” Garak was silent again. “You watched a classified transmission, risking your status on this station…” His grin only grew wider. “Were you really that worried about me when my return was delayed?”

“Well,” Garak said with a click of his tongue. “It’s not as if I haven’t openly shown my fondness for you.”

“Oh, don’t act ashamed, Garak.” Julian laughed as he walked up to Garak. “You’re not the first person to develop a crush on me and you won’t be the last.”

“I said nothing about romantic feelings!” Garak protested a little too quickly. Julian looked back with wide-eyed hurt.

“So…” He bit his lip and looked away. “You don’t feel that way about me?” It was maybe only a few seconds of silence, but it felt like an eternity for Garak before Julian burst into laughter. “Alright, but seriously, Garak, are we going to get lunch or not?” Garak was relieved that he didn’t have to answer the other question. While he was used to lying, he hardly wanted to deny his feelings for the beautiful young doctor that he was now walking to the replimat with.

.

37 “Because I love you god damn it!”

“Because I love you, god damn it!” Julian was absolutely seething at Garak so he didn’t even stop to register what he’d just confessed. “Do you know how much it hurts to watch you sacrifice yourself so much for someone who never deserved your loyalty?” If Garak were not behind a force field, he would have embraced Julian in an instant. “You think I sympathize with the Founders? Of course not! But you would have tried to kill anyone if you thought they had a hand in killing Tain!” Julian shook his head in rage. “That man was not just a monster in general, he was a monster to you!”

“Doctor…” Garak breathed. There was so much being said, words Garak thought he’d never hear. He never thought someone would be critical of his father’s treatment of him and he certainly never thought Julian Bashir could love him.

“I suppose I just don’t understand.” Julian sighed. “I don’t know who Tain really was to you, but I know who he was to me. I met him once and he mocked and belittled the man I love.” There it was again, Julian saying he loved Garak. “I wanted to wring his thick scaly neck and wipe that arrogant smile off his face.”

“All on my behalf?” Garak couldn’t fathom Julian’s affection for him.

“And I suppose my own jealous motivations.” Julian crossed his arms in a huff. “I don’t know what the nature of your relationship was…” Julian blushed slightly and looked away.

“Doctor, you speak as if you and I are romantically involved.” Julian’s eyes snapped to focus.

“Aren’t we?” Julian asked in surprise. “I mean, I researched Cardassian courtship and, well, I’ve tried to follow all of the customs.” This was not something Garak had expected. “The shoulder touch you first gave me was a proposition and I accepted.”

“You’re telling me that all this time you’ve believed that we were a couple?” Had Garak missed the potential of a million kisses somehow? There was heartbreak and confusion in Julian’s eyes so Garak quickly spoke again. “I’m hardly opposed to the idea, but nothing was ever made official. Not to mention our physical intimacy has been….” Non-existent was the word, but that didn’t feel right. It wasn’t that Garak was just pointing out that they hadn’t been intimate, it was that he wished they had been. “Lacking…”

“‘Innuendo and subtlety are what make a true romance,’” Julian quoted, “‘To be blunt and direct would be to lose any chance.’” Illoja of Prim’s poem To Lovers, With Love which was essentially an instructional piece on Cardassian courtship told in the loveliest of verse. “I wasn’t about to spell out the nature of our relationship and have you disgusted by being so brazen.” It was true, on Cardassia, for anyone to openly claim they were romantically involved without announcing a marriage would be scandalous. “And I wasn’t about to lay a finger on you until you made the first move.”

“Why did you have to be so chivalrous?” Garak sighed and brought his hand to his forehead. “If you had just kissed me, or made some other recognizable move…” Garak shook his head. “Do you realize how long I’ve lusted after you?”

“Well, you’ll have to lust just a bit longer.” Julian huffed. “You got yourself thrown in jail, remember?”

“Believe me, if this barrier were not here, this conversation would be going very differently.” Garak sighed again as he looked at Julian with new wonder. “I would have embraced you and told you how long I have loved you.”

“I’m still mad at you.” Julian looked away with a smirk. “I’m a bit madder since apparently I’ve been single all these years without knowing.”

“At least you got to have the illusion of romance!” Garak protested. “I’ve been pining over you and certain you could never feel the same way.”

“Well, you were wrong about that.” Julian clicked his tongue and looked back at Garak with a strong glare. “And you were wrong to have tried to kill all the Founders.”

“I’ll admit that it was rash.” Garak conceded. “And I’ll endeavor to be worthy of you.” He gave a small bow and was surprised to hear the force field brought down. “There’s no way you have the authority to release me.”

“I’m not releasing you.” Julian grinned. He then firmly embraced Garak and kissed him. It was strong and passionate but not forceful. Garak allowed himself to be led and for his eyes to close only for Julian to pull away. Garak looked at him through hazy blinking. “I’m just making sure you realize what you’re missing out on while you’re in here.” With that, Julian exited the cell and then pressed the keypad so the force field went back up.

“You are cruel.” Garak breathed with a smirk.

“But I bet you’ll never do anything like this again, hmm?” Julian’s smile faded and he bit his lip. “You’ll be back in a month. I’ll still be here for you.”

“I’ll count the moments.”

40 “I could hold you forever”

“I could hold you forever.” Garak said as he tapped his fingers against his desk. “Truly, I have all the time in the world and no one cares what happens to you.” Julian wanted to believe someone would come for him. That Starfleet, The Klingons, The Tal’Shiar, anyone would save him, but who would go against the Obsidian Order for an augment? For a freak?

“Then you would spend forever learning nothing.” Julian said with a weary chuckle. “I’ve told your men everything I know so any further torture would just be for your own sadistic pleasure at this point.” When he’d been discovered at Starfleet Medical, Julian decided his best course of action was to run away to somewhere that wouldn’t question his identity out of desperation. He’d gotten surgically altered to appear Bajoran and created an identity and earring for himself. He told himself that he would neither join the resistance or the collaborators. He would just keep his head down and treat anyone who needed medical attention. Eventually, when Bajor got less desperate, he’d be able to live more like himself and no one would be suspicious since he’d be a familiar face.

Julian now realized how naive he’d been. The slaughter of Bajorans didn’t simply happen behind the scenes or away from prying eyes, it happened right on the streets for everyone to see. Every action was politicized. Treating a Bajoran meant you weren’t using supplies on a Cardassian and vice versa. Julian found himself picking a side quicker than expected, the Bajoran side. It seemed natural to everyone. A Bajoran smuggling resources for other Bajorans, but Julian wasn’t really a Bajoran. Unfortunately, this man from the Obsidian Order had found that out.

“You think I enjoy this?” Garak sighed. “Truly, my dear, I have no desire to see you suffer. I told my men to bring you to me unharmed.” Julian scoffed. “How do you think I discovered you weren’t Bajoran?”

“A medical scan of some sort?” Julian guessed. “Hidden in a device so I wouldn’t notice?”

“You remember when we first met?” Garak asked. Julian nodded. “I didn’t like the idea of being treated by a Bajoran doctor, but the prefect of Bajor seems to think it’s polite to have a few around.” Garak had an amused smirk. “But I must say, you healed my wounds more efficiently than any Cardassian I’ve ever been to.”

“So you decided I couldn’t be Bajoran?” Julian scoffed. “That wouldn’t fit your idea of them being inferior?”

“Oh, please, I’m not so close-minded.” Garak waved his hand. “In truth, I was essentially told the truth, by the orb.” Julian blinked. “Even though you’re not actually Bajoran, I’m sure you know about orb experiences.” Julian nodded. “Yes, well, while the silly fairy tales of Bajor are mostly a waste of time, the orbs seem to create a lucid type of dreaming. It can allow you to discover what your subconscious has already learned.” Julian said nothing. “Have I lost you?”

“No,” Julian shook his head. “You’re saying you realized I was human because of the orb?”

“It also showed me some other things about you.” Garak got up and moved toward Julian.

“It showed you that I was smuggling medical supplies.” Julian clicked his tongue. Of course there would be some bizarre and seemingly fantastical device that would expose Julian.

“That, and the fact that I need to keep your from getting yourself killed.” Garak moved to touch Julian’s shoulder, but stopped his hand when Julian flinched. “You’re a very precious creature, Julian Bashir.” Julian looked up in horror at the use of his real name. “Don’t worry, not even Central Command knows who you really are. I imagine they’d love to use you as a bargaining chip in negotiations with the Federation.”

“But you intend to use me in some other way?” Julian supplied. “Let me guess, you want an augmented agent who, not being Cardassian, can gain the trust of Bajorans.”

“That is a charming idea.” Garak smiled. “But truly, I have no intention of forcing you into anything.”

“So I can cooperate or rot in a cell?” Julian rolled his eyes. “That’s still manipulation of power and extortion, even if you try and fool me into it being something else.” Garak glanced down and pursed his lips.

“I don’t really know how to go about this…” He sighed. “I have reason to believe you and I are intended for one another.”

“I’m sorry?” Julian asked, not really knowing what that meant.

“The orb,” Garak explained, “it showed you and I together… intimately.” Julian’s eyes grew wide.

“So your subconscious had some sick fantasy about me?” Julian was horrified. If only the light beam wasn’t keeping him trapped to the chair, he would run. “If you’re going to rape me, at least be honest about it. Don’t pretend some illusion of romance is involved.” He spat. What else did Julian have but insults? He could refuse to cooperate with anything, but he couldn’t stop Garak from doing whatever he pleased.

“My dear doctor,” Garak looked almost remorseful. “If I thought this was some fleeting desire or lust, I would ignore it easily.” He shook his head. “You think I want to lie with a non-Cardassian? An enemy of the state?”

“You wouldn’t be the first.” Julian squirmed under the restraining light. “I had to heal countless Bajorans that were given special treatment.”

“And I, like you, find that distasteful.” Garak took a step back and leaned against his desk now. “What do you know about Cardassian culture?”

“You don’t want to hear my thoughts on Central Command.” Julian scoffed. “I assure you, I’m not a fan.”

“Your disapproval of my government is not my concern.” Garak dismissed. “I’m talking about the culture, outside of politics.” Julian thought for a moment.

“You value family.” Garak nodded. “And you were once a spiritual and peaceful people.”

“Yes, and with that sentimentality came weakness and poverty.” Garak said cooly. “Unfortunately, there are still elements of our old beliefs that resonate even in myself.” Julian watched Garak carefully. He seemed sincere and relatively respectful of Julian’s desire to not be touched, but that could easily be an act to convince Julian to submit. “There’s a belief that people are intertwined and destined to fall in love.”

“And you believe that’s what’s going to happen to us?” Julian said in disbelief.

“I believe that is what’s going to happen to me.” Garak said with a click of his tongue. “But I’m not pleased by it.” He sighed. “The vision ended with you stabbing me in the heart.”

“I’m beginning to like this fantasy.” Julian smiled. Garak returned his smile with his own sad one. Without another word, Garak pressed a button on his desk and Julian was released from the light beam. He immediately stood up and tried to back away, but his wounds from earlier hit him with a stabbing pain and he fell to the ground.

“Stay still.” Garak tsked as he moved over to Julian. “I’m going to fix you up.”

“You wouldn’t want me bleeding all over you as you molest me?” Julian coughed out. Garak said nothing as he ran a dermal regenerator over most of Julian’s injuries.

“Better?” Garak said with a warm smile. Julian glared at him.

“I see you only know how to hurt people, not heal them.” He bit back. “A dermal regenerator hardly solves everything.”

“What else is wrong?” Garak asked with concern.

“I think…” Julian looked at his leg and bit his lip. “I think my ankle is fractured.”

“How do I fix that?” Julian eyed Garak suspiciously. If this Cardassian was only healing him in order to rape him, it would be in Julian’s best interest to not tell Garak what to do. Then again, there was almost no way Julian would be able to escape with a fractured ankle.

“Twist it back into place to start.” Julian bit his lip as he prepared himself for the pain and Garak frowned and stood up. “Where are you going?”

“I’m not about to subject you to more pain.” Garak explained as he began rifling through his desk. “My med kit should have a localized anesthetic.” Garak pulled out the medical kit and returned to Julian’s side. He opened it up and took out a hypospray. “Where should I inject this?”

“Just a little bit above the ankle.” Julian winced when Garak touched the pained spot but when the burst from the hypo was released, Julian sighed at the numbing sensation.

“Well, that smile’s a good sign.” Garak grinned. Julian gulped uncomfortably at the display of affection. Garak seemed to be a bit embarrassed himself and looked back at Julian’s ankle. “I’m going to reset it now, alright?” Julian nodded. Garak hesitated before taking Julian’s ankle. He twisted it back into place but he immediately glanced with worry at Julian. “Did that hurt you?” Julian shook his head. “Now what?”

“There should be a Marrow Threader in your med kit.” Garak searched inside the case for a moment before pulling it out. “Run that over it three or four times.” Garak did as he was was told and then looked at Julian again curiously.

“Did it work?” Garak asked. He was acting so innocent and child-like. Julian nearly forgot he should be frightened.

“I can’t really tell since it’s still numb.” Julian reached out his hand. “Here, help me up. If I can stand on my own, it worked.” Garak pulled Julian to his feet and then steadied him with care. Julian smiled as he felt stable again.

“That’s a relief.” Garak sighed.

“Thanks.” Julian smiled happily at Garak before remembering who he was talking to. “What…” Julian licked his lips. It had been foolish to try to run away in the first place, he wouldn’t get far with or without a fractured ankle. “What are you going to do with me?”

“I’m going to keep you safe, my dear.” Garak put a gentle hand on Julian’s cheek. Julian froze but then allowed himself to relax. It wouldn’t do to show fear. “I have no doubt that you will one day kill me, but I can’t seem to find it within myself to kill you first.” Julian searched Garak’s blue eyes for any sign of a lie.

“You’re serious, aren’t you?” He said in surprise. “You actually think I’m your soulmate or something?” Garak nodded. “All because of what the orb showed you?”

“And because when I first met you, I already wanted you.” Garak admitted. “I ignored it at first. Even after the orb experience I tried to rid my mind of you…” Garak dropped his hand and looked away. “But I suppose I never really had a choice in the end.” Julian looked Garak over. The man had never actually hurt him and he had to admit he’d shown Julian only kindness. There was a part of Julian that found Garak attractive as well, a feeling that had first awakened when Garak had come into his infirmary. The Cardassian was a fascinating mystery and here he was seeming so vulnerable in front of Julian.

“Neither did I.” Julian breathed as he placed a delicate hand on Garak’s shoulder. He knew what that motion meant, he’d lived among Cardassians long enough to pick up a few things. Garak looked at him in surprise. “If I kiss you…” Julian said, licking his lips, “you won’t hurt me?”

“I swear on my life.” Garak said as he let his eyes fall closed. Julian brought his lips to Garak’s and lay a long and passionate kiss there. He would tell himself later that it was a ploy, that this was simply to fulfill the end of that fantasy where he at last would stab Garak. However, in this moment he simply enjoyed the kiss.

41 “Everytime I see you, I fall in love with you all over again”

“Everytime I see you, I fall in love with you all over again.” Garak smiled when Julian’s face appeared on the screen.

“I know distance makes the heart grow fonder, but honestly, Elim,” Julian shook his head with a smile. “Do you have to be so romantic when you’re too far away to hold?”

“It’s merely the first thing that came to mind.” Garak sighed. “Being so far away from you is frustrating.”

“Believe me,” Julian leaned back in his chair and exhaled. “I am also frustrated.”

“Now that was just cruel.” Garak said. “You realize that I’m now picturing you taking matters into your own hands.”

“When are you coming home?” Julian said sadly. “The news from Loval hasn’t been good.”

“Unfortunately it’s accurate though.” Garak sighed. “It’s hard enough to unite our peoples on Cardassia Prime, let alone planets outside of the Cardassian system.” He shook his head. “Many people here still view Dukat as a hero due to his business with K’Temang.”

“Have the riots stopped at least?” Garak said nothing. “I see…” Julian bit his lip. “I should have gone with you.”

“Do not berate yourself, dear.” Garak said, wagging a finger. “The hospital is in desperate need of your expertise. While the situation here is politically dire, there are significantly less wounded.”

“Not to mention it wouldn’t do for a human to accompany you.” Julian mumbled.

“I wish it were different.” Garak said.

“No, I understand.” Julian sighed. “You’re attempting to unify these people and interspecies mingling is a highly divisive issue.” He rubbed some weariness from his eyes. “I miss you, but mostly I worry about you.”

“I’m very safe, Julian.” Garak smiled. “Truly, I’m out of harm’s way. No one’s going to hurt me.”

“You’re your own worst enemy.” Julian responded. “I don’t want you blaming yourself for all the troubles you see and thinking you’ve somehow failed Cardassia.” Garak couldn’t argue with that as Julian had had to reassure him often that things would improve. “You’re going to do more for Loval than anyone else would have been able to and then you’re going to come back to me, understand?”

“Yes, doctor.” Garak smirked. “I’ll return to you as soon as I am able.”

“Good.” Julian nodded firmly before smiling. “Now, I’m free for the rest of the evening and would like to just talk to you about Jake Sisko’s new book.”

“Ah, yes,” Garak said, shaking his head. Long-distance meant flirting was really all they had as far as romance. A good debate was essentially their love-making while they were apart. “He’s a talented young writer, it’s a shame about his Federation bias making the Maquis rebel seem sympathetic.”

“You found Jacobi sympathetic!?”

50 “Please… I need you”

“Please… I need you.” Julian whimpered. He felt so pathetic and childish. It had only been a nightmare, it wasn’t a good enough reason to wake Garak up in the middle of the night. Still, Julian had already used the comm and asked him to come to his quarters, it was too late to save face.

“I’m on my way.” Garak said that with more alertness than his initial response to being hailed at whatever hour this was. He sounded worried and serious. Julian had no idea what he was going to tell Garak when he was asked what was so urgent. I’m sorry to have disturbed you, Garak but, you see, I dreamt I was in solitary again except this time I was lying on a biobed in the room and my parents were there. Julian shuddered at the memory. That hadn’t been the particularly unsettling part of the dream, what had shaken Julian was when a Changeling appeared and took his form. That was when his parents happily embraced the Changeling as their son. The Changeling smiled at Julian as he looked on in horror and whispered, “goodbye, Jules.” And suddenly Julian was awake in a cold sweat.

“Enter.” Julian mumbled when he heard his door chime. How could he tell Garak that nothing had really happened? It was all just ghosts. Ghosts that were probably nothing compared to the kinds that haunted Garak. Julian almost considered making up a different reason for needing him. He thought about claiming he thought he saw the Changeling still in his quarters. Of course, if that were true, Garak knew that Julian would have contacted security first. Julian had gotten so lost in his thoughts, he jumped when he felt Garak’s hand gently touch his back.

“I’m sorry, my dear.” Garak said soothingly.

“No, no, it’s alright.” Julian shook his head. “I was just startled, is all.” He looked at Garak and chuckled a bit. “I really shouldn’t have bothered you so late.”

“Not at all,” Garak smiled, “what happened?” The question Julian had been dreading.

“It’s honestly silly.” Julian shrugged with an apologetic smile. “I was still half asleep when I called you, I’m really fine now.”

“Silly?” Garak asked skeptically. “Well, I could use a little humor.” That was an invitation to share as much as it was a challenge. Garak knew there was something really bothering Julian.

“I had a nightmare.” Julian whispered. He felt like he was too small for his own pajamas with how foolish he sounded.

“I see…” Garak nodded and was quiet for a moment. He seemed to be thinking about it as if Julian had stated some complicated philosophy. “Do you want to talk about it?” Julian did not want to talk about it so he shook his head. “Do you want to go back to sleep?” Julian didn’t know how to respond to that question. He welcomed rest, but he was afraid of what lay behind his eyelids. “Personally, I’m wide awake now and wouldn’t mind some company if I’m going to be up.”

“I really am sorry about waking you.” Julian looked away.

“Don’t be.” Garak said, shaking his head. “You said that you needed me. Being needed is the most important part of life and I haven’t been needed in a long time.” Garak had a sad, distant smile on his face.

“I do need you, Garak.” It was said instinctively, but Julian knew he meant it. “I mean, I called you for a reason.”

“That is actually something I’m curious about.” Garak said, raising an eye ridge. “I assumed you’d require some sort of…” He glanced around the room as he always did before he told a lie that was meant to be seen as one, “tailoring work. However, while I don’t mind being emotional support, I’m not exactly the obvious choice.”

“I didn’t really think about it.” Julian admitted. “You were just the person I wanted to see most.” Julian hadn’t meant to phrase it quite like that, but it was the truth. He wanted comfort and there were few things as comforting to him as Garak. The rest of the station would probably be revolted at the fact that Julian felt safe with the obvious Carddassian spy, but Julian knew it was true.

“I’m flattered.” Garak bowed his head slightly. “Anything I can do to help you, I will do.”

“You being here is plenty.” Julian sighed. He felt so tired and drowsy but every time he let his eyelids grow heavy, he snapped his eyes open out of fear.

“Lie down, my dear.” Garak directed. Julian didn’t resist and let himself be slowly lowered back again. “You do need your rest. I’ll keep watch and be here in case you begin to have nightmares again.”

“Thank you…” Julian breathed. It was both a small and huge favor at the same time. Julian allowed his eyes to close and tried to breathe deeply. There was a warmth that came with Garak being near him, even if the Cardassian was technically cold. Julian found himself lie in that warmth and finally submit to the exhaustion that came over him.

[mariatesstruther]

❄️

from pt 2 of my fic fear of heights! tommy pov! recap: he has accidentally strung maria up from a tree, saved her, and now they’re heading to jackson! (which he has already snuck into

Tommy’s first official introduction to Jackson is spending sixteen hours locked in a refurbished toolshed—which, all things considered, he supposes is pretty fair. They’ve got him settled somewhere he thinks is a little ways northwest from their perimeter; Talia and Maria had all but shoved him in here after having him surrender his weapons (he had not given up the spare hunter’s knife he kept stashed in his boot—but he figures what they don’t know right now won’t hurt ‘em).

Talia, clearly the friendlier lady of the two, had seemed surprisingly apologetic to leave him in here—even though he definitely didn’t think it was smart for her to be so warm to him, it only made him like her more. On their way back to Jackson, Talia had been ready and willing to talk to him—stark opposite to Maria, who hadn’t spoken a word to Tommy until they’d gotten to the shed he was locked in now. She’d interrupted him and Talia’s conversation to turn to him with a firm glare, crossing her arms and titling her head towards the shed pointedly: “You, in there, now. Leave your weapons out here.”

He’d followed her directions quickly and without question; he of course didn’t know this woman well yet, but he knew from her demeanor that it wouldn’t be wise to argue. She watched as he relieved himself of his four guns—two rifles, his pistol, and his El Diablo—as well as the five knives he carried between his person and his pack. He watched Talia’s face grow from interested to shocked as his undressing went on—by the time he’d dug out his hatchet, two extra knives, and a machete from the very bottom of his bag, her jaw was practically on the floor.

“I know this might seem like a redundant question,” she said, raising her voice slightly to be heard over the clangs of metal in metal as he’d thrown his last few knives into the pile, “but how the fuck do you have all this shit? All of this is, like, thirty pounds!”

“Prolly closer to twenty-fice,” Tommy can’t help but correct her—he’s always had a thing about being specific with numbers. “But the guns aren’t loaded, so. If y’all want help carryin’ them back, I can—“

“We’re fine, it’s fine,” Maria interjected quickly. She uncrossed on of her arms to gesture to his pack expectantly. “What else do you have in there?”

“Uh,” He’s momentarily bowled over by the sudden weight of her attention—as much as he’s been wanting her to finally speak to him, it’s quite stunning to have her ask him something directly. “Not much, really. Just the last of my food, some bandages, and some knick-knacks—just small handy shit, you know. Change of clothes, too.”

“Anything leftover that you stole from us?” Maria’s tone is biting and goading; Tommy watches as her left eyebrow raises, too. “I’d like to get our shit back, if you’d be so kind.”

Tommy does wince at this; the last thing he wants to do right now is further inconvenience the woman in front of him, and he knows she likely won’t appreciate his answer. “Nothing’s really left—,”

“Oh, that’s great,”

“—As much as I’d like to return it to y’all, ma’am, I used it up pretty quick to get patched up—,”

“I’m happy for you—,”

“—Like I said, I tried my best not to take much—“

“It was enough.” Her words and glare are colder than before, and for a second Tommy thinks he actually shrinks a couple inches down into his boots. “I can guarantee you that every minute of every day, there is someone in Jackson who needs something that you stole. You swiped some paid meds, didn’t you? A bottle of Motrin, with about five or so pills?”

“Well, I—Yes, but only to—,”

“Did you know we ran out of those two days ago? And that we keep that stash for fuckin’ emergencies, which we could have any second?”

Tommy is quiet.

“So tell, me, Tommy Miller: Do you really have the fucking audacity to stand there and try to defend stealing from my people just because you didn’t take much—?”

“Okay, I think we better get going!” Talia, bless her honest and kind fucking soul, steps in to keep Maria from continuing to admonish him. “You’re going to stay in there, and we’re going to talk to the council, and hopefully by morning, we’ll maybe be able to forget about the whole stealing thing, okay?”

“Forget—? The hell do you mean forget, he—!”

“—is going in the shed! He is going in the shed, now, Maria—,” Talia comes over to him and starts pushing him over to the shed’s doors, shuffling him in and she continues to try to placate her partner, “—and while he’s in there, I bet he’s going to think long and hard about everything he’s done, trust me. He’ll come out feeling super guilty and everything, he swears. Isn’t that right, Tommy?”

“I—Ow, Talia, son of a—!” Talia gives him a final shove in, and he finally gets a good look inside (description).

“See, Maria? He’s fine, it’s fine, we’ll all be fine.” She gives Tommy a final exasperated look as she spreads her arms to the edges of both the shed’s doors, preparing to shut it on him. “You’ll be okay in here, Miller? Not gonna try to sneak out?”

“Wasn’t plannin’ on it, no.”

“Coolio!” She shoots him a final satisfied smile, so absurdly bright that he can’t help but huff out a disbelieving laugh. “Seeya in a bit!”

[myearts-uwu]

Random fun fact: Myra’s an old... and I mean OLD OC of mine.

This is a post for those who are interested in Myra! 

Also, just a heads up that Myra is an original character of mine, not my self insert lol. I do have a persona but I’m too lazy to draw her.

Seriously. I think I created Myra way back in 2013-2014 when I was still into MLP and Yu-gi-oh Duel Monsters since I was still a child and after reading fics that have OCs in them, 10-year-old me decided to have a go at it and made my first OC!

Little did I know that this OC would become one of my most beloved creations that I’m so attached to.

Wanna go on a short trip down memory lane with me?

When I first designed Myra years ago, I was really into Rosario + Vampire (I liked the manga a lot) and I absolutely adored Moka’s design when she was in her real form. So I took a lot of inspiration from her design and created Myra! But at first her name was... oh god it’s so cringy.

Her name used to be Jessica Bloodriver...

... She was originally supposed to be a vampire, alright?

Sadly, I don’t have any drawings of Myra when she was still ‘Jessica’ but if you guys are curious about what she looked like back then, just imagine a tall white-haired woman with a curvy body, bright red eyes and is pretty dominant... Your average vampire OC

She definitely had gone through a lot of changes.

Anyway! About a year after that, I decided to make her human. An albino human since I really liked the white hair and red eyes combo. I also decided to change her name since ‘Jessica Bloodriver’... is honestly really bad. So, after looking through countless of names on random baby names websites, I decided to keep things simple and let her be named after me; Mira. 

My second name is Ameera, for those who are curious. And as someone who had limited knowledge in creating good OCs with good names, decided to make things simple for myself and named her Mira for a few years. Her last name was ‘Yamina’ for no reason. I was listening to an old Vocaloid song when I gave her her last name.

And for a few years, Myra was looking like this!

This is an old drawing I made back in 2017! She has that fluffy-looking hair and, if you look closely, her current hair does have a bit of a resemblance to her old hair! 

If you guys are curious on as to who the guy behind her is, he used to be her boyfriend but then I broke their relationship off after I started shipping Myra with Anastacius when I was months into writing ‘Reacting to Who Made me a Princess’. Don’t worry, they’re still good friends :)

If there’re two words I need to describe her hair in 2017-2018, it would be ‘round’ and ‘fluffy’. Basically, imagine really soft hair.

Her default age back then was basically 16-17, highschool age since I was still pretty young and I thought teens around those ages are kind of cool... I was wrong? Right now, Myra is 22 years old and is a university student! However, depending on the AU she’s in, her age will change.

Once 2018 rolled by, I thought it would be time to change Myra’s hair colour to a more darker colour since I kind of disliked shading white hair all the time. So, after reading a webtoon called ‘Miss Abbott and the Doctor’, I came up with this sketch!

The colours I chose for this sketch is absolutely horrid. What was I thinking?! 

At the time, I really did like this hair colour so Myra was stuck with it for a while.

If I remember correctly, it was around this time that I change ‘Mira’ to ‘Myra’ because I liked the spelling better. And her last name was changed to ‘Smith’ since I listened to this sweet song called ‘Cecily Smith’.

And that’s how Myra got her name! Myra Smith!

Sadly, in 2018, I didn’t do much digital art as I was busy with an important exam when I was 15 so I mainly focused on school and studying. I did draw traditionally a lot but sadly I don’t have those drawings with me.

This was one of the drawings I managed to put out in 2018 on my old Instagram account. At the time, I just got back into playing Deemo so I drew a few Deemo-inspired drawings but I included Myra in them. Those fishies and that rabbit were traced over the original art, btw. I had no idea on how to draw fishies, sadly.

After that, I think I took another long break since I wasn’t having fun with digital drawing much. I think I picked up digital art again in the last few months of 2019?

This was when Myra’s hair slowly turned into a more brown-ish colour. And her bangs were changed to a more normal kind. You know, the regular bangs? Not the round bangs I gave her that made no sense in reality? And I dropped the circular art style because I grew tired of it.

During 2019-2020, I didn’t really draw Myra much since I was more into drawing her ex boyfriend Hyun-Jin during those two years. 

But then I decided to write ‘Reacting to Who Made me a Princess’ in May of 2020 and I wanted to include Myra in it so she can act as some sort of observer who will watch over the main cast of WMMAP as they react to Athy’s life on the big screen.

My love for Myra had been rekindled as she spent more time with the characters and, in March of 2021, I wanted to draw my lovely daughter again!

She still has those normal bangs but look at how cute my daughter is! I love her so much, you have no idea.

I really loved how ‘kind’ Myra’s eyes are in this, which is something that I wanted to stick for her as I continue to draw her.

When I finally managed to download Clip Studio Paint, I finally drew Anastacius and Myra together for the first time ever!

And this, my friends, is when I decided to give Myra the bangs you guys are now familiarised with!

To be honest, it feels nice to walk down art memory lane like this and see how my OC Myra has evolved over the years to the best version of her right now. I’m really happy with how she turned out and I’m more than euphoric to be able to ship her and Anastacius freely.

Also I’m surprised that Myra has simps. Simps! But her simps are all lovely people :D

If you guys have any questions about Myra, feel free to ask me!

[phcking-detective]

1-49 for the ask meme. I'm tryna Speedrun some Arthur content

Do you have freckles?

Some! not really on my face, but definitely on my arms and shoulders

Do you drink tea or coffee? How do you take it?

I take my tea and coffee how I take dick (and sex in general): No. I'm allergic 🥰

What was the last song you listened to?

Crazy on You by Heart, I have a playlist that's called "Songs That Feel Electric Blue" and has 80s pop/rock, 00s pop that has the same vibe, the Weeknd, and remixed sea shanties :)

Do you sleep on your back, stomach or side?

Side! I can sleep a little on my back and not on my stomach at all

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?

No, I need complete silence, darkness, a steady temperature, and nothing else touching me to sleep. No pillows, no partners, no stuffed animals

Do you prefer drawing or writing?

Writing!

What’s your ideal number of blankets to sleep with?

A regular sheet, a knitted blanket, and then on top of that I have a lightweight throw OR a slightly heavier fuzzy throw blanket, and I alternate between which of the two is my Third based on temp

What’s your favorite band/artist?

Apashe; favorite individual artist: Alec Benjamin

Next favorites: Valentino Khan, MISSIO, Glass Animals, Billie Eilish, and grandson; I almost always like Lorde, Bishop Briggs, Florence + the Machine, Two Feet, Imagine Dragons, K. Flay, and Dua Lipa

When is your birthday?

April 4th yeah I'm an Aries, fuck you read my horoscope first 😎

How tall are you?

5' 3" mayyybe 5'4"? got boots and sneakers with 3" lifts tho

What color are your eyes?

Grey-green, honestly more on the grey side

Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now?

my friends! Elaina, Giq, Ruby, Marn, and Ameera <3

Fears?

water, what lives IN the water, that I'm the evil twin, being completely Alone after my mom dies, that I'll never pass as male

What’s your favorite color?

Red has canonically always been my favorite, but I'm trying to branch out more into pink and blue lol

What’s your favorite season?

Spring

Want any tattoos? What of?

yeah, I need to get a small tattoo of a heart on the inside of my right ankle to honor a promise made to my sister

Want any piercings? Where?

ehhh no not really

and this is where I'd put my dick piercing--IF I HAD ONE!!

Who is the last person you texted?

my mom, always, I don't even need to look that one up lol

Do you have a best friend? How long have you been friends?

uhh my online friends totally count for this right? all of u *kisseys*

What/who do you miss?

my sister (died), previous best friend (stole my money and married a cis man with my exact same name)

How was your day today?

I worked out for half an hour and was an Exhausted Lump for another two hours after that, but I'm about to have pizza delivered so the day has recovered nicely

How much sleep did you get last night?

I need 12 hours of sleep to feel even slightly OK and that is not an exaggeration

Do you believe in aliens?

do I believe? no. maybe. do I fucking hope so?? Yes.

When was the last time you cried? Why?

oh here's a really neat trick! instead of getting upset and crying about your own life, which makes you sad and accomplishes nothing, simply project your trauma onto fictional characters, deliberately read fics about this trauma that will trigger an intense emotional reaction, imagine fictional characters providing Comfort Character with love and support actually, and speedrun therapy within the comfort and safety of your own home!

What’s your favorite decade?

none of them, I'm still holding out for literally ANY DECADE AT ALL that doesn't suck and in which I have actual rights, thanks

What are some seemingly childish things you like?

overly long sleeves, blanket forts, uhh can't really think of much else

What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times?

gonna recommend these: All Systems Red by Martha Wells, Hunger Makes the Wolf by Alex Wells, The Merciful Crow by Margaret Owen

How are you, really?

yeah, thanks for asking!!

Does it take you a long time to make decisions?

I make Broad Decisions fairly quickly, ie: Yes I want to do [x]. I then spend two weeks researching every possible facet and detail of [x]

What are you looking forward to in the near future?

the fucking pizza getting here I am so fucking hungry oh my god

What are you looking forward to in the distant future?

probably have top surgery next year; giving myself a year to save up sick leave and not stress about hospitals and bills again after having a hysterectomy just a few months ago

If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go?

Rome. I've been twice and I love it so, so much!

Do you sleep with your door open or closed?

closed, nani the fuck??

What’s your favorite flower?

sunflowers! they remove radiation, they're a beautiful yellow, and my sister loved yellow flowers

Do you currently have a squish?

pretty much all of my coworkers at the library. I wish we hung out more outside of work or even just texted / talking

Do you like your middle name?

haha yeah I just got a name change to make it what I want

Do you prefer dogs or cats?

dogs, but only because of how much I love Chow Chows, which are basically the cats of dogs

Do you have any phobias?

cotton balls. HATE them

Do you stay up late?

I try to go to bed at 10, usually succeed at 11. I consider anything past that to be "late" and past 1 am to be Horrible

Do you like the beach? Do you prefer it sunny or cloudy?

yes, I love the beach but only if I can go swimming in the ocean! it needs to be warm

cloudy, actually. despite the above, I sunburn like a miserable little caucasian-to-lobster :(

What’s your favorite cartoon?

tom & jerry

Tag 5 of your favorite blogs

literally just my friends, yall know who you are

Do you have siblings? How many?

one, she died about four years ago

Who was the last person you said “I love you” to?

my mom

Is there anyone you would die for?

my mom

What do you need when you’re sad?

my mom

also, bread. and money.

Have you memorized your phone number?

as opposed to what??

Who’s someone you can trust with your life?

my mom!!

What does your last text say?

"Hi, I love you! Enjoy your supper <3" from my mom

[marceltheshellwithflipflopson]

STEPH CEE AND EZRA PLS

There are too few Prospect fics out there & it breaks my goddamn heart 😭

YES ameera asked me about this one too i'll tag u!!

and ikr it's such an underrated fandom 😭😭 i must commit myself to actually writing this fic hahaha

[quillwritten]

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: James Bond (Craig Movies)

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: James Bond/Q

Characters: James Bond, Q, Original Characters, Ameera Hasan

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Tailoring, Tailor’s Shop, these poor suits, what has Bond been doing?, Q has questions, many suits died in the making of this fic, Prompt Fill, 007 Fest, 007 Fest 2020, Alternate Universe - Q Doesn’t Work for MI6, Q is Autistic, Autistic Character

Summary:

The most interesting thing that happens at a tailor's shop, usually, is trying to work out the politics of all the posh families that come through and talk about each other. Then Mr Bond comes in with a suit that's been utterly ruined, somehow, and Q has a new interest at work.

Mr Bond keeps coming back.

[gplusbfics]

15 Awesome Garashir WIPs: Right Here, Right Now

It seems like a great time for Garashir fics over on AO3 -- just a ton of multi-part works-in-progress. Some of them started a long, long time ago and are still being updated regularly, while others are new and being posted daily. It’s almost hard to keep up!

So for those of you who maybe missed these... or need recs... or need reading materials over the holidays or college break... here you go:

Cruel Are the Times by StoplightDelight Pre-Canon story with Julian in Starfleet Medical Academy terrified when some augments get in the spotlight and he’s worried about his own secret. Posted so far:  5/?

Defiance Through Tenderness by StarTravel Story collection of Garak/Bashir, with most of of them following their time together on the Defiant. Angst plus feels plus fluff. There are also several short fics bundled in with the Defiant ones. Posted so far: 12 stores of ?

DS9: Sub-Prime by Dark_Sinestra A whole collection of great Garashir fics -- a saga -- originally posted started in 2009 on LiveJournal. I had read some of Dark_Sinestra’s work on LJ, digging around, but it’s very difficult to find everything. These are great!  Follows series Canon pretty much from the beginning, but with lots of “behind the scenes” action with Garak and Julian. Canon-compliant. Posted so far: 24 stories so far... and it’s only up to Season 5. 

Especially the Lies by AlphaCygni The author of “Proof” and “These Lifeless Things” is offering something lighter, but still brilliant. At this point I am just like, “Come on, boys!” Posted so far: 5/7.

The Human Way by Kellec Unlike most (any?) of these, this is actually a light fic, with Garak and Bashir attempting to play matchmakers between Ziyal and Jake. Posted so far: 5/?.

The Incarceration of Elim Garak by zaan I can’t think of another fic solely devoted to Garak’s 6 months in DS9′s holding cell. Posted so far: 14/16.

i will learn (to love the skies I'm under) by Cân Cennau and Solovei Total AU set in what seems like a fantasy novel setting, with kingdoms instead of planets. Julian is offered up to House Tain in a marriage of convenience and  politics to one Elim Garak. Things get complicated. And interesting! I’m also assured there will be smut coming up.17/27.

Love in a Time of Oppression by apolesen Pre-Canon Garak/Parmak love and angst. This one is tearing me up. Warning: societal homophobia and related violence and suppression. Posted so far: 6/13.

A Man Apart by Alexandria Allen Extraordinary fic involving a fascinating OC, with a lot of Julian and some very nice AU, canon-divergent stuff. I am pretty much the only person commenting on this and there are only 9 kudos. Come on, people!  Posted so far: 34/45. (And it’s nearly 200,000 already.)

Maybe We Are Sinners by prettybrilliantfunny Another story collection, prompted Garashir stories that are not related to one another but very enjoyable. Posted so far: 16/31. (It was planned as a daily for October and I think it’s done/on hiatus but not sure, so counting it as a WIP.)

Safe Ones, Vanquished Ones by ssorrell Angst-filled, suspenseful (how’s it going to turn out?!) post-Canon AU involving Julian, Ezri, Garak and Parmak. I still how have idea where this is going to land. Posted so far: 14/18.

Ties and Wires and Trial and Error by The Nox-Zi Consortium (2 authors) I’ll be honest and say I still haven’t even made it through Ties and Wires because by golly, these are extremely long (first one over 300,000 words) and most chapters are epic! But some very, very interesting OC characters and lots of ties-ins to Canon, though AU for sure. Bonus: Gender-queer character (best I can term it, they’re still figuring it out and I don’t want to spoil stuff).

In Times of War by Bluemeany I had a little bit to do with the inception of this fic, but OMG, what Bluemeany has done with it! Basic premise: It’s 20 years after Canon and suddenly Starfleet is motivated to get rid of anyone involved in the events of “In the Pale Moonlight.” So basically Bashir and Garak have targets on their backs. Also: Bashir has been living on Cardassia for years (minus involvement with Garak) and is jaded as f*ck, playing Garak to a Cardassian Julian OO Agent. Posted so far: 10/12. (I think there is a second story coming after this.)

The Viewless Winds by StoplightDelight Because I’m a bad person (jk) I kept checking this fic just to see when Garak and Worf showing up at Internment Camp 371... but as things have progressed I’ve stopped just “scanning” and slowed down. Holy moly, this is great storytelling, with great care and thought put into the details of the camp, plus a lot of medicine and anatomy (there are footnotes). This fic is enormous (370,000 plus words) and still growing, could be a million words if the canon part gets written too! Posted so far: 67/?

What We May Be by Ameera and NoOneKnowsIWriteThis Epic age-swap Garashir with Bashir a middle-aged, divorced doctor and Garak a young OO agent, posing on DS9 as a tailor. So far it seems that the story is going to run from beginning to end of the show. Posted so far: 48/?.

OK, people, now you have like 2,000,000 words (no, I didn’t count) of Garashir to read, if you haven’t.  Start with whichever one sounds best to you.

Wendy 

[madroxed]

Yoooooo talk to me about your anger at ATWT cause it's been years and I'm still hella bitter.

oh, man, anon. you’re opening a can of worms here. i am always happy to talk about this, and as for being hella bitter? hard same.

ok ok so. 

essay time.

luke snyder was such a perfect soap character and i loved him with all my soap-loving heart. he was lovely and flawed and - the greatest soap trait of all - interesting. he was a legacy character, had all that wonderful backstory via his parents alone, and became an alcoholic before he was even twenty. i just– i’m gearing up for a rewatch just talking about it because, yeah.

so obviously luke/noah started and i was absolutely here for it at the time (though maddie was actually my favourite) and it was a long road full of ups and downs. 

and i really did love noah most of the time in those early years. van and jake’s friendship made their on-screen dynamic really great, and a lot of the time noah broke my heart with his struggle coming out, his daddy issues, and his desperate desire for a family (that, in itself, became a problem, and i could write essays on it).

but yeah.

i’m pretty sure the point of no return for me was, like most people, the ameera plot. which was honestly so bad i still can’t think about it without getting angry. noah had luke write his vows, like??? i just. words can’t do it justice.

(the only thing that plot ever gave us was luke/casey fake dating which i’ll always be grateful for.)

but at one point i had to stop watching. 

all the things i hated about their relationship just built up and up and up, so by the time we had noah getting luke expelled for rigging a school election so a homophobic douchebag wouldn’t win because it was ‘the right thing to do’ even though he married a woman to get her a green card and lied to the federal government, by the time noah just kept telling luke he was wrong – he was wrong about noah’s professor hitting on noah, he was wrong about luke’s step-grandfather hitting on luke, he was wrong for drinking, how could he?, he was wrong for being luciano grimaldi, he was wrong, wrong, wrong – by the time noah started continuously punishing luke for being luke, i couldn’t do it anymore.

in hindsight, the emotional abuse is exhausting.

noah’s internalised homophobia and the way he takes it out on luke for years is just–

ouch, man.

we put ourselves through a lot for the in-between moments.

so, yeah, i took a step back, watched my other soaps, didn’t think about it too much (except that i thought about it all the time because luke snyder sticks with you). and then, at a random point, i thought ‘i’m going to catch up’. i put myself through a lot of bullshit (including omg the twins? i’d forgotten about that until now) and reached the point of the firework accident.

(again, blamed on luke. i’m getting a headache just thinking about it.)

AND THEN THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD HAPPENED:

enter reid oliver. 

we didn’t even know then that luke/reid was remotely going to be a thing. there were rumours it was going to be noah/reid, of all things, but from the very first moment…

excuse me whilst i get emotional over here.

honestly the build up. enemies to friends to lovers is my thing, and boy oh boy. 

firstly, van hansis has always been exceptional. he and chandler massey are two american soap actors i point to when i say we are truly blessed they decided to be on soaps when they’re so much more talented than their environment, and we got/get to see them daily for years (thanks, boys!).

and van never wavered in that, but i imagine even he was getting tired. and then he got to work against eric sheffer stevens and honestly, it was like a spark reignited. they worked so well opposite each other.

BUT YES, LUKE/REID.

can you believe all of that happened in, like, nine months? it was less than a year and yet it fully changed our lives and became an otp for life.

reid was everything noah wasn’t: he was blunt and rude and said what was on his mind. he didn’t require validation from other people and his respect had to be earned. he knew his own worth.

he was a breath of fresh air in an environment that had become stagnantly passive aggressive.

plus we got the slow burn of watching luke and reid accidentally fall for each other, and it was beautiful. “mr snyder” and “doctor oliver”. kill me.

they were so easy with each other. even before reid first kissed luke, their banter was on point, and they just drifted into each other’s personal space. even their arguments were glorious. 

they were simply attracted to each other, and it came as a surprise to them both. 

man, i love it.

so then the kiss happens and noah’s surgery, and luke slipping back into his old headspace, the one that put noah first in all things, and it didn’t matter that noah had broken up with him, didn’t matter than noah didn’t want him around, (didn’t matter that noah was apparently seeing someone else???), didn’t matter that none of it was his fault, he slid right back into his old role.

which was actually perfect, because it showed the juxtaposition between the two relationships wonderfully.

blah blah, luke and reid work it out and become the ultimate power couple, and could easily take over the whole world. luke learns what an adult relationship looks like (because lol let’s be honest, his parents never showed him), reid learns to let someone else in, and it’s beautiful. 

for a moment, everything’s perfect.

AND THEN FUCKING CHRIS HAPPENED.

i’m still fuming. fucking chris hughes of all fucking people.

his history aside (and boy does he have one), they can paint reid and chris’ relationship as rivals who became friends all they want but a) no. and b) lol this is the same guy who casually walks in and outs reid to katie and henry with a smug smile??? sure, katie already knew because reid was never actually in the closet and they were beautiful besties, but henry didn’t! dick move, asshole. 

all because reid’s smarter than him (shocker).

i just…i hate chris a lot, ok. which makes this even harder.

so we know the show’s ending. luke and reid are happy together, they’re open and honest and working towards a future, and it’s going so well. (somewhere in the background we know noah’s going to la to live out his handwavy filmmaker dreams.)

it’s going so well.

and then in the last fucking weeks of the fucking show they write the absolute bullshit that is reid going off to get chris a heart and being hit by a fucking train.

a train.

and then – and then – they give his heart to chris so chris can live his happy asshole life with katie who deserves so much better.

i just.

yeah.

yeah.

a classic case of ‘kill their gays’. 

even if we don’t assume this is homophobic bullshit, it’s still fucking abysmal script writing. reid had just said “i love you” for the first time to luke, they were really something, and instead he dies in the shittiest manner possibly all for the happiness of a straight (asshole) legacy character.

bite me, as the world turns.

all i can say is, at least they didn’t try and shove luke/noah back down our throats in the last second. 

i will never, ever be over it.

thank goodness for fandom doing as fandom does and saying “lol no we’re not having this crap” and ‘train? what train?’ becoming everyone’s motto. 

i get that the show wanted to wrap itself up with a last big dramatic plot™ but of all the characters??? and all the choices??? 

yeah, no.

you fucked up, atwt.

(and the controversy afterwards? you know it.)

and there you go, anon. have a ranting essay from me. i could talk about any of these points in more detail for hours, honestly. i miss it a lot.

so, yeah, now i’m gonna go read a bunch of ‘train? what train?’ fic and cry a bit. 

have a good weekend! 💖