#Amane attacks Shidou and- OH GOD OH NO WHAT ARE THEY DOING

[willow-p012]

New darkfic idea. Mahiru and Shidou both live and become the horrible, no good, bad bad mock-parents of Amane and possibly Es and it's 100% by force. Please see my vision.

[givemeanaccountalready]

Time for another Milgram shitpost! It’s my apology for never finishing my Milgram analyses in my drafts and that one anon ask. Woo!

I have had this idea for a while now, of just the Milgram prisoners trying to pass the time, and while the words have changed many times over, the general idea of some of them having something like a DnD campaign because there’s no TV, internet, or even a radio to pass the time, so why not?

Yuno: “Seriously? I thought you, of all people, would be into this sort of thing.”

Fuuta: “You want us to play pretend.”

Yuno: “How is this any different from your little computer games?”

Fuuta: “This is very different from MMORPGs, and you know it. This… is lame!”

Muu: muttering “You would know.”

Yuno: “Oh, please. Your eyes lit up when I mentioned it.”

Fuuta: “They did not!”

Yuno: “Did so.”

Fuuta: “Did not!”

Mikoto: “They kind of did, dude.”

Fuuta: “No one asked you! And they did not!”

Mikoto: “I mean, I’ll play, if you want Yun-chan. It’s a good idea. I really don’t want to do another ice breaker.”

Shidou: “They’re good for getting to know others.”

Yuno: “Thank you. Who else wants to play?”

Kazui: “Oh ho, ho, I don’t know. It’s been ages since I’ve played a game like this. I wouldn’t know how to play.”

Yuno: “Alright, we got Kazui. Who else? Amane?”

Amane: “I am studying.”

Fuuta: “See? Even the grade schooler doesn’t want to play. I mean, you guys don’t even have any dice or anything to play.”

Yuno: “We don’t need dice to play. It’s just to pass the time. Who else? Kotoko?”

Kotoko: “No.”

Fuuta: “You need dice to play! How else are you gonna decide stats? Just by classes? That’s lame.”

Mikoto: big bro mode activated “You’re lame.”

Yuno: “Oh my God. Fuuta, I’m gonna make you be the first villain boss guy we face.”

Fuuta: “It’s just boss, and why do I have to be the villain?”

Yuno: “Why do you need to fight me on everything I say? Shidou’s gonna send you to your room if you don’t play nice.”

Fuuta: “Oh my God, fine. I’ll play your dumb game.”

Mikoto: “Wait, shouldn’t Es be the one sending us to our rooms?”

Haruka: nods

Yuno: “Haruka, do you wanna play? There’s no rules to this?”

Fuuta: “You can’t have a game without rules!”

Yuno: “Shut it, or you’re going to be the team goblin. Haruka?”

Haruka: “C-can I?”

Mahiru: “Can I play too? What are we playing?”

Kotoko: “Fake DnD.”

Yuno: “Oh? Did you change your mind then?”

Kotoko: “No.”

More nonsense:

They finally got Amane to play because Shidou wouldn’t stop bugging her about it.

Yuno: “You can be a priest if you want.”

Fuuta: “They’re called clerics and they heal-”

Amane: “I want to be a crusader.”

Fuuta: “A what?”

Yuno: “Bet. Want any special powers?”

Amane: “I want lightning to smite my enemies with.”

Shidou: whispers to Fuuta and Mikoto who canonically have sisters and probably know firsthand how unhinged play time drama can be “Is that normal?”

Mikoto: “Yes.”

Fuuta: “You’ve clearly never played crime Barbie. Coward.”

Mikoto: “Oh, word? My little sister used to love overthrowing evil queens with her My Little Pony dolls. That and evil orphanages.”

Fuuta: “Evil orphanages… Good shit.”

When faced with The Villain ™️

Mahiru: “Is he… is he hot?”

Yuno: “You can’t fix him.”

Mahiru: “I can try!”

Yuno: “You can’t. That’s how Kotoko died.”

Kotoko: “I wouldn’t try to fix him!”

Yuno: “You were trying to fix him like a dog.”

Kotoko: “Okay, now that… that I can accept.”

Kazui: sweating “I think we played enough for tonight.”

Later on, after Kotoko attacked.

Fuuta: “Hey… Yuno?”

Yuno: “Yeah?”

Fuuta: “I can’t stop thinking about-about it. Can you-can you talk about the game?”

Yuno: “The game?”

Fuuta: “Please. Everythung hurts and I need something else to focus on.”

Yuno: “…”

Fuuta: “Yuno?”

Yuno: “… okay, so Mahiru accidentally set off one of the traps in the villain’s old hideout. You and me, the brave knight and the baddest witch in the west, we were sent ahead to find the old Warlock, Shidou of the path, to figure out how to get Mahiru out of the ancient scroll she’s now trapped in…”

[good-beanswrites]

I’m thinking about the angst of the restraints headcanon again. There’s the two with the least physically violent crimes, and they rank relatively low in strength. There’s the child who was violent but had to be really crafty about it; she’s the weakest of all of them. And the most dangerous of the guilty prisoners cannot be restrained.

This makes me so emotional!!! All three are the smallest of their circles. Two of them are extremely ordinary people who have never experienced/expressed physical violence before. One hadn't even fathomed the idea of someone dying until they actually did. And yet, they're subjected to the type of restraints you'd expect to see on someone who is uncontrollably violent. The fact that prisoners who committed very gruesome murders can walk free (including Mikoto) just adds insult to injury. I still couldn't everything into words, but here's a Mahiru-centric drabble featuring the same thoughts. It takes place after T1 closes but before the attacks.

“Where are our rights?”

Fuuta’s shout caused Mahiru to wince. She perched on her bedding, watching the two prisoners she’d invited to her cell. It hadn’t been the fun kind of invitation, though. Back in school, she always wanted to have parties and dates back at her place. Moving to the city, she imagined what it would be like to make university friends and take them back home with her to talk, eat, and have fun. 

Sitting in her dim gray cell with Fuuta and Amane, all of them held fast by complex sets of restraints, was not what she’d had in mind.

Amane knelt in the corner. Her arms were crossed, as if pouting, though the opposite was true. A moment ago her eyes had lowered in prayer, but it was difficult to find any peace of mind now. Fuuta snapped and shouted as he paced the length of the cell bars. They were unlocked, but like the others, he didn’t feel like being out in front of everyone. He’d give his uniform a violent jerk every now and then, but it didn’t do any good. Between his strides and growls, he made Mahiru think of those poor wild animals they keep at the circus.

“Take it easy, Fuuta.” She mustered up a smile. “Come rest with us.”

“I can’t believe you two. You’re just gonna sit here and take it? I didn’t do a fucking thing! They’re acting like I’m some big danger to society,” he yanked his arms again, to no avail. “All I did was type some things onto a screen. I’m not gonna go around stabbing anyone or anything. And you, you didn’t hurt anyone either!”

He nodded his head to Mahiru. If her arms weren’t already folded over her chest, she would have hugged herself anyway. 

“Well… I did hurt him in the end… I broke his heart badly enough that… I mean, he…”

Fuuta made a disgusted sound. “That’s all stupid romance stuff. I’m saying, you never stabbed him. Never strangled him. Never poisoned his food, or –”

“Oh god, no! How horrible…”

“Exactly! From what we’ve heard, it sounds like Haruka killed someone with his bare hands. I think Muu had a knife or something. Shidou had a whole arsenal of grisly doctor tools. Kotoko has openly talked about how she beat that guy to death. Why are they allowed to walk free while we’re tied down like wild animals?”

Mahiru was glad she hadn’t mentioned the circus.

“And Amane! It’s not like she did anything violent, and here she is!”

“That is not true.”

Both paused as Amane spoke up for the first time. 

“Eh?”

“While I disagree with my verdict, the restraints make sense.” The others still stared blankly. As matter-of-fact as always, she continued. “I killed with my own hands. I used the amount of force I was instructed to. Just as the sinner fears the wrath of heaven, I can understand how the godless warden would fear my justice.”

Fuuta’s passion wavered, but Mahiru could feel her heart ache for the girl. “Oh Amane… I had no idea. To be pushed to the point of violence at your age…”

“I am not to be pitied. As I said, I am dangerous, and proud to be. I am doing god’s work. All heroes must be dangerous.”

Fuuta grunted, but said nothing. Mahiru gave her a gentle smile. “It’s not pity. Even if you were dangerous, it’s horrible to restrain someone like you. You’ve already had to brave so much, as the smallest of the bunch.”

She looked between the two. A sad laugh escaped her. “Now that I think of it, I guess we’re all the smallest here, hm? Aside from maybe Muu, we don’t have much height or strength on the others…”

“That’s what I’ve been saying!” Fuuta cried. “The fuck do they think we’re going to do?” Mahiru was just glad he’d focused on that rather than the fact she’d just called him weak. 

Voices raised in conversation down the hallway. Mikoto’s laugh echoed faintly into the cell.  

It warmed Mahiru to hear. Things had been so hard on him here. Though it had been frightening to hear him shouting at the restraints til his voice was raw – well, it wasn’t him shouting – it had been a relief when he appeared free and relaxed the following day. He seemed sheepish that he wasn’t able to help the others, having no memory of his escape. Mahiru just kept telling him how happy she was for him.

Fuuta didn’t share in the sentiment. “Meanwhile, Mikoto gets to stroll around free, and he beat the shit out of Es! He could snap and kill any one of us here, and they don’t even give a damn. But ooohhh, god forbid the guy who’s never been violent a day in his life is allowed to use his own two hands!”

The harshness of his voice wasn’t doing his argument many favors. Still, his words were beginning to get through to Mahiru. 

She’d worked so hard to be a model citizen. She was supposed to have a perfect life. She could cook, clean, sew, and take care of children. She did herself up every day; she was never a slob or a slut. She was generous to everyone she met. She showered the world around her in love. Wasn’t it unfair that her hands were tied like some common criminal? What was all that effort for – being patient when people upset her, being kind even when she disagreed with someone, all of that – if she was going to end up in the same place as someone who had stabbed another out of sheer malice?

Amane didn’t seem to be whirling with the same doubts. She closed her eyes once more. “It is simply a trial from heaven. We may be small, but all of us have an internal strength that will carry us through the ordeal.”

“I don’t think it’s any sort of religious thing, but you’re right,” Fuuta puffed his chest out. “Trials like this only make people stronger!” 

“Do you think so?” Mahiru wasn’t sure if she was asking either of them or just musing to herself. It was a nice thought. This was all part of destiny, something meant to be that would make her stronger in the end. 

But she wasn’t so sure she believed in destiny anymore. It hadn’t quite worked out the first time. 

“Hell yeah!” Fuuta must have assumed she was in fact asking him. He gave a wide, toothy grin. “It’s not like we can get any weaker, right? The warden better watch out next trial – they’ve got a big storm coming!”

[archivalofsins]

It's been a good while since the end of trial two and a lot has changed in the fandom overall. Even more will change over the course of trial three. I think in this area of uncertainty and impatience it's easy to forget everything that transpired.

Admittedly I'm kind of proud of my growth over this period of time and how the experience has impacted how I interact with fandom and the internet overall.

Not to sound incredibly old fashioned but I think there's still much to unpack from trial two before heading into trial three. So, the down time between the end of trial report and now has been greatly appreciated.

A lot happened.

Haruka's broken 50/50 as people highlighted the risks of him remaining unrestrained not only to himself but others.

People stating that anyone voting Yuno guilty was a pro-life conservative, politicizing her trial as pro-life pro-choice debate. Even going as far to state that Milgram was a sexist series for including her at all.

Futa's was just funny because it was a bold faced admission by the audience that they were in fact too much like Futa to properly judge him. Amongst other things.

Mu's trial was a bunch of people politicizing it in the opposite direction using a bunch of right wing buzzwords like calling it fake news, for some reason bringing race into it from headcanoning her victim as half black, then victim blaming like her victim attacked first so she deserved to die.

Shidou well fuck we need a doctor so go off king. Like it wasn't even about him it was about Mahiru I know who I really cared about here. I couldn't give one singular fuck about Shidou even now. Oh he might hurt Kotoko I don't give a fuck if he does his doctor role what he does in his off time is his business. Nobody was thinking oh my god what about the harm the guy with the medical degree can do to others here when they voted him innocent nobody cared. Like honestly he has a medical degree he can do a lot of harm but that wasn't our problem or main concern.

Mahiru ah see he hung himself and he's probably a cheater anyway. Yes some people thought it was justified to drive a man to suicide for being unfaithful. That was a weird hill for some people to build a house on but they did. I don't know a lot of people just conveniently forgot women cheat and can be abusers as well. I don't know how some forgot that but I wish I were them.

Kazui the guilty shrine- seriously a shrine? Really... Oh also men shouldn't be allowed to get divorces because it makes women look bad. Isn't that what abusive husbands were saying when women wanted divorce rights and fought for things like no fault divorce wild. No one was thinking there yeah go on cook me nothing that would be better than the poison you're trying to disguise as feminism. It'd be less detrimental too.

Amane's second trial really was like,

"Sure her mom kills cats and beats children but we can't forget she's a cult survivor too and being a parent is hard."

Bro as someone with an abusive single mom who did some shit and went through some shit um no that's not an excuse. You can't just go parenting is hard get me my taser or my childhood was hard too it's my turn to beat kids. Like not tobring up Oshi No Ko again but the Amane trial really was just chapter 141 to me in real time (read it because that got messy later in).

"She had to live through the cult too. She was having a hard time as well what about her upbringing? Do you know how hard it is to raise a child by oneself."

Her husband was at work not dead what the fuck did y'all mean by this???

What were these takes? Nobodies trauma gives them a free pass to traumatize others- wait we'll get to you hold up put those dogs back where they came from! She's a single mom of one girl meanwhile the woman with two sons and an absent doctor husband. Not doing any of this shit. She was my rock Shidou says fully meaning it. Yuno mom two kids haven't heard a word about her killing cats or beating kids. Wild it's like it's pretty easy to choose not to do the things she did. Every other shit parent here did decide to be shitty Amane's mom included.

Mikoto oh suddenly your trauma does excuse how you responded to a situation. Work hard, such sad boy. Yeah I can believe the stigmatized version of dissociative identity disorder in this one niche situation. Japan is so backwards of course they'd still write it like this they don't know any better. So, of course the other alter is the evil one and Mikoto is still the goodest of boys- Also dissociative identity disorder isn't real unless you have a certain number of alters that act x specific way that's why there has to be this many.

With a tiny hint of if the child is guilty let's just kill this man too~

Fuck Mikoto he's had it too good. Bitch could have went home in fact we see him do it in the video! Where the fuck was Amane gonna go the streets?! We saw how that worked out in her video. Snitch ass streets, if these streets could talk- Don't worry with snitch advisory they can even if you don't want them to!

Kotoko well if you think she's bad then you don't have real trauma. Also grooming can only be sexual actually I heard the term from twitter and never looked into the act of doing this ever outside of that context. God don't even ask me to define groom as a verb.

So on and so forth. It's been a lot and this all just shit I personally experienced.

Trial two showed us one of the worst aspects of humanity,

Our ability as people to use our own experiences as the blueprint for all life.

Our stubborn commitment to seeing something only one way. Because that's always been how we've seen it. That's always been how it was. Milgram trial two and the audience for better or worse put the definition of closed-mindedness on full display.

Regardless of how inclusive, progressive, or forward thinking people believed themselves to be in the moment. We saw what a commitment to only one way of thinking could cause and who it ends up hurting. I think trial two can teach people that even the most progressive leaning individuals can cause harm.

Even those who want to support marginalized individuals or are marginalized themselves are capable of causing harm. Because when we convince ourselves that the only voice that matters is our own we silence, belittle, and ignore the experiences of those around us. It doesn't matter what politically correct framing a person attributes to their belief if one is being closed-minded it will still harm others and the movement they're purporting to care about.

It will more than likely do more harm to the people one is attempting to help the most whether that is themselves or others. That's the only thing being closed-minded can do.

[good-beanswrites]

So, uh, may I request a director's commentary on your attack against me?

Why do you do this to meeee (and masterminding everyone else!!) Lol, well thank you for the ask regardless -- drabble is under the cut with my little commentary in pink!

“Amane, you must – please – !” Shidou’s voice changed from pleading to an icy calmness. “Kazui, hold her still.” 

So uhh I made myself sad realizing that no one would speak respectfully to Amane in this state -- Shidou would either use a placating kid-voice or a completely detached doctor voice. Kazui and Mahiru would also be tempted to use a protective kiddy voice, or they just talk amongst themselves and not directly to her...

Amane struggled from his grasp, but there was no hope of success. Even if her little form stood a chance against Kazui’s strength, even if her uniform wasn’t locking her arms in place, she knew she would not manage to draw up any power with all this pain rocking through her body. Her chest stung so that she could hardly breathe. The throbbing from her right eye made her dizzy.

I'm pretty sure the pain would be so overwhelming that it would stop her on its own, but I wanted to point out that she has so many obstacles in her way -- it really does feel like everything in the universe is against her. I wanted to do a lot more with her relationship with her god in this piece (feeling like he isn't there because everything is against her) but it kept sounding detached from the action. I ended up focusing on her tangible relationships rather than spiritual ones

Through her spinning vision, she could see Fuuta nearby. She was struck with the selfish thought that she wished she couldn't. He looked awful. Shidou had rolled him over so he wasn’t lying facedown in blood, but it still clumped in his hair and over his eyes. His arm was stuck at an odd angle. 

RIP FUUTA SORRY I INCLUDED HIM DIEDED 😭 Though I did include it to drive home the fact that at this point, even though we the audience knows he makes it, Amane is convinced this is the end for him.

“No,” she gasped. “Stop…” 

It was unclear who she was commanding. Shidou? Fuuta? God? Maybe all at once. 

She doesn't blame Fuuta per se, but this and a later line hint that she sees him in control of his fate. She was taught that life or death has nothing to do with medicine -- it's willpower and spirit -- so she's urging him to live as if it's something he can control for her sake. Similarly, she's feeling like she can control her own safety, as long as she makes god happy in these moments (which she currently thinks she's failing at by "letting" Shidou do his work)

The room wobbled as a wave of pain washed over her. Shidou’s hands were around her face. Though seeking her eye, he may as well have been covering her mouth with how suffocating it felt. Amane shook her head violently back and forth in an attempt to stop him.

I love Shidou but he definitely needed to be painted very villainous in this. Amane isn't one of his typical patients, and what would be really comforting to anyone else (speaking with calm precision, having strong and unshakable movements, reassuring hands offering care) is really traumatizing to someone who sees it as condemnation to hell :(

There was the ceiling – then Shidou’s face, far too close – a blood-spattered wall – Fuuta’s ginger hair caked in blood – the ceiling – intense gray eyes – the wall – a broken arm – ceiling – scowling lips – wall – ginger fur caked in blood – ceiling – a screaming mouth – blood-spattered floor – a paw bent the wrong way – ceiling – green eyes filled with fire – 

Crazy about the cat parallels!!! She is reliving her dooming moment over and over again! She cannot escape her "mistake"!! She will forever be haunted by that day, and it's repeating itself a little too perfectly for her liking!! Oh hey do we know what color Ms Momose's eyes are? I figured green was a safe bet

A hand clamped down on her head to keep her still. Her vision swam. She released a cry of anguish. The others probably thought it was from the pain, but she knew how to bite her tongue through pain. No, this was utter frustration.

Obligatory reminder that she's used to physical abuse because I hate myself apparently. I also wanted to highlight that there's a big gap of understanding between her thoughts and everyone else's

Then came a glimmer of hope. An angel.

Mahiru stood over her. Amane only had so many people left in this world who treated her kindly, didn't lead her towards sinfulness... and weren’t beaten to death. With the recent turn of events, Mahiru may be the only one left. 

Between the cat, her mother, and Fuuta, this girl has witness a lot of bloody beatings :( It's impressive she still likes cute things and has fun, colorful dreamscapes seeing how dark things have been to this point in her life

There was some arguing as Mahiru was told to leave, but she convinced the others to let her stay by Amane’s side. She smiled, though tears streaked down both her cheeks.

“It’s alright. I’ve got you. You’re safe now.”

That was it. Mahiru had been sent to save her. Everything would be alright.

Shidou’s tone was as cold as the disinfectant he was applying. “Tell her to hold still.”

Mahiru gave her a gentle nod. “Please, you have to listen to him.”

And just like that, the breath was knocked from her lungs. As quickly as her savior had come, she disappeared. Mahiru had turned against her, for the sake of that damned doctor.

Now Amane had nobody left in the world.

I'm still not sure if this part hit the way I wanted to, but at least writing it, I was struck with that gut-wrenching shock of betrayal. Mahiru, who always let other people stick to their beliefs and codes, is turning against her in her darkest moment.

She lashed out one last time before her injuries overtook her completely. Her adrenaline was receding.

“This is for your own good.”

It wasn’t. 

She’d experienced things for her own good. When her mother punished her, she’d repeat the reason for it over and over. When her father brought down his wrath, Amane knew exactly why he was doing so. Her teachers would ask her, when they’d finished giving out their discipline, if she’d learned her lesson. It made sense. It was fair.

Trying to build up a painful dissonance between making the reader think "yeah, this isn't for her own good!! Please, stop doing this to her!! She's right!!" and being plagued with "oh god that wasn't for her own good either... oh... she's not right about that..."

There was no lesson here. 

I was tempted to go into detail that technically Kotoko tried to offer a lesson, and drag the reader through all the awful things Kotoko told her while beating her up, but Amane wouldn't see that as a lesson, either, thinking she and Es are mislead. Including all that for no reason would have just ruined the flow of these paragraphs, but I was sad thinking of what she must have been yelling at Amane, much like her abusers...

One must work towards holiness. Amane had been working her whole life. She’d fought to learn from each punishment. She tried so hard to be good. But now, there was nothing to learn, nothing to strive for. There was nothing at all. Yuzuriha Kotoko was killing her, Kajiyama Fuuta was leaving her, Kirisaki Shidou was dooming her, Shiina Mahiru was betraying her, and there was absolutely nothing she could do. 

Hopelessness was a trial all on its own.

This last line read "Unfairness" until literally two minutes before I posted asdfsd. I was worried it was too melodramatic to say hopelessness, but unfairness kept bugging me since it was SUCH an understatement 😭I figured it was better to lean into the drama than not do her pain justice. I was already drilling it in with that last paragraph summary, so I wanted to keep saying things exactly as they were.