#Am I autistic?

[bwbawa]

truly what is r the main differences like ACTUAL differences not things in common with adhd and autism

[miki-lei]

Sometimes i wonder if im asexual or is it just my autism.

[old-skyguy]

Think the most objectively embarrassing habit I've picked up over the years is that I often emulate the sprite animations of Ace Attorney characters subconsciously and I just recently realized that there is not a single character I can think of from the first three games I don't do at least once a day.

I did not want this help.

[simplysurviving89]

My 9 year old daughter told me she wanted therapy for christmas.

What did i do? I have arranged to speak to her class teacher after school tomorrow and im in the process of making an appointment with the schools SENDCO.

I need to get her help.

[neurodivergent-alien]

It's just me, my headphones, and my weighted blanket against the world

[woopsieswithnoh]

At 3 am, I magically remembered that I had Tumblr, and I went on an UltraKill reblogging spree since that’s what I’m currently hyperfixating on :3

[a-secret-inner-life]

I came across a lot of stuff that I could relate to about autism while researching for a paper, which led me to do more research on autism in general. I saw some other people doing this type of post on here, so: autistic people, can you please read my super long and detailed list of possible symptoms I experience and tell me if it seems like I'm one of you? I'm trying to be objective and reasonable and figure out what's going on with myself here.

Sensory Stuff

I like to stim–bouncing my legs, tapping my feet when I sit, occasionally swinging my legs or rocking. I also clench my fists or sit on my hands a lot and tap my fingers on things, or just fiddle with whatever is in front of me. Recently, I count while touching my thumb to each of my fingertips to calm down because someone in a book I read did that and it actually does help me. I also sing the alphabet song repeatedly when I'm working on my website.

Sometimes when I'm very tired or overwhelmed my face feels itchy and I feel like every strand of hair touching me prickles and itches and leaves a red spot (but it doesn't actually).

I have a strong hatred for perfume because it smells too strong and fakey, and citrus scents also drive me nuts, but I really like scented candles.

I'm a super picky eater, although I'm not as bad as when I was a kid. I don't mind the taste of tomatoes, peppers, or onions in things, but I'm still a little grossed out when I know I'm eating them, and the texture of onions freaks me right out, as an example.

I get startled easily. Loud noises don't actually scare me, they just jolt me out of whatever thought space I was in before I heard them.

I also get overwhelmed whenever someone tries to talk to me in a loud car (whether it's loud with other people or just the engine), and I find it overwhelming and incredibly difficult to concentrate when more than one person is talking at once. Whenever I'm in a crowd, it just sounds like this vague roar that gets louder the more I think about it, which can sometimes be overwhelming. Still, I'm good at tuning some things out in select circumstances, like the TV when it's on.

Finally, if I pay attention at pretty much any time when there isn't a ton of other noise, I can hear ringing in my ears. This isn't usually upsetting, and I know it's fairly common for anyone to get tinnitus from time to time, but I'm not sure if most people experience it this much.

Social Stuff

I can not handle eye contact.

I'm also really, really, comically bad at social interactions. I almost never speak to someone I don't know well before they speak to me, and my go-to conversation method is to laugh/giggle and nod, I literally can not make actual conversation to save my life. Sometimes I think of things to say but it doesn't occur to me to say them, or I try to but I'm scared and can't find an opening, or I do say the thing and people don't react the way I want them to (usually it's either confusion or disinterest).

Old ladies are my favorite people because they're the least scary somehow. I also love kids, but I'm still awkward so I rarely interact and probably still freak them out.

I'm horrible at keeping contact and I wait until I know people are offline to reply to their messages because conversation is stressful and I need time to think when I text. Group chats are a nightmare, so I pretty much ghost everyone when I'm in one.

I'm super attached to my family, though. I make an effort to create a deep bond with each of my siblings, and I'm the clingiest person in the world when it comes to my older sister.

I value people very deeply, which might be why I find them so intimidating. I love them and I want them to be happy, and I put too much pressure on the situation.

I used to hate being alone, and I still feel guilty or sad whenever I spend too much time by myself, although I actually love to be by myself, a lot of my hobbies and favorite places are solitary, and I usually prefer figuring things out on my own rather than having somebody right there trying to figure it out with me.

I'm incredibly empathetic. It's not like I can automatically sense people's emotions, but I do make an effort to pay attention and understand what they're feeling and why they feel that way. My siblings come and rant to me a lot, and I can be a good diplomat and see both points of view when they argue. I also care, and I always want to make people feel better, though it obviously doesn't always work. Sometimes I'm too empathetic, or maybe too creative, and I stress out about what someone might be feeling when I don't know if it's an actual issue or not.

Patterns and Stuff

I've always been good at remembering my parents’ phone numbers and our zip code, as well as my friends’ birthdays. I work at a grocery store where I find myself reciting the regular customers’ lottery numbers in my head as they're saying them to me.

My dad used to have a verbal checklist of what to bring to work each morning, and I still recite it every time I hear the words “wallet” and “keys” next to each other. Same goes for my old morning checklist that I don't even follow anymore.

I don't adhere to a strict routine in terms of the general structure of my day, but I definitely have a system or pattern for a lot of my specific activities.

Emotional Stuff

I've been obsessed with drawing and painting for as long as I can remember. I write all the time. I think I dedicated myself and a huge chunk of my life to my hobbies. If I like something, I like to think that I make it my own, and that thing permeates who I am.

When I first started listening to BTS, I scoured literally the entire Internet to find every possible hidden track any of the members ever touched, and there were A LOT. Lately I've been obsessed with Keeper of the Lost Cities, and I can't stop talking about the books. I'm also hyper fixated on Tomorrow X Together.

When I start something, I need to finish it, and I'll often think I'm so close to being done only to continue on it for several more hours, trying to hurry up and finish because I need to get it done now. I'm also pretty bad at switching tasks. I try to multitask, but it doesn't really work out.

I can easily forget about my own physical needs; particularly I don't usually realize when I'm hungry. Overall my needs are very flexible to the people around me; if you want to eat together, suddenly I'm hungry, if you don't feel like stopping, neither do I.

I'm a perfectionist, but I hate asking for help. This is especially true when it comes to my grades and my hobbies. I'm more comfortable when I can control the variables and nobody has to know if I fail.

I'm pretty sure I have executive dysfunction because I put so much pressure on doing things perfectly that I lose the motivation to do them at all, and as much as I need to get something done, I can't make myself do it.

Since I was little I've always been awkward and out of place. I feel like I take up too much space. Honestly, I feel like my existence is lame and embarrassing. I hate myself.

I absolutely suck at decision making, sometimes because I don't want to choose something that other people won't like and partially because I'm just really indecisive. Often I feel stuck or paralyzed because I can't choose one way or another.

Along those same lines, the responsibility of being told to do something for someone else is terrible, and I hate doing these things without incredibly specific instructions because I'm scared of messing up.

I also need to know exact details of whatever activity I'm doing before I do it, and I hate when something big isn't planned out in detail.

I used to have a lot of meltdowns as a child. I’d yell and cry and throw things when I was upset. This still happens sometimes, but not as frequently or as badly.

I feel guilty about everything, including mistakes from years ago that shouldn't matter anymore. This makes me feel sort of unworthy (?), like anything good I do is the bare minimum and if I cause a problem (through anxiety or executive dysfunction) that messes up a project, I feel like I have to do everything else perfectly to make up for it, although I usually end up feeling like I'm coddling myself instead.

I constantly compare myself to others. If someone else has a problem that's worse than what I deal with, I feel like I'm not allowed to have my own negative feelings.

I feel like none of my feelings are valid. I feel and think all sorts of dramatic things that seem like the end of the world, but compared to others, my problems are small, and I feel stupid for having them. I almost wish I had a bigger issue or more dangerous mental problems that would make my responses more reasonable, but my logical side knows that this thinking is wrong.

I've been dealing with off and on burnout since I was around twelve years old (so about five years). I've been told over and over that my mindset is wrong and I need to do a million things better mentally to be less of a perfectionist, but I don't have the energy to put in any effort whatsoever to fix myself. I still get random bursts of motivation that last for short periods of time, though.

Sometimes when I go to bed after a stressful day, I wake up in the morning and I have this uncontrollable dread about starting my day. The thought of getting up sounds impossible, and it's almost like there's something sitting in my chest keeping me down.

[wolf-tail]

need a primarch boyfriend so i can have him lay on top of me and be my weighted blanket

[zeherili-ankhein]

Sometimes I wonder if I am autistic, but then again not all symptoms are there in me. And then I think maybe I am not. But then again I am too afraid to ask my mother to take me to a doctor.

So I just exist in this uncomfortable somewhat suffocating weirdness.

[typicalwallflowerranting]

Why do I think,desperately trying to avoid eye contact with your crush could be more romantic than blatantly staring at them sometimes

[bwbawa]

hello, so I'm questioning if I'm autistic so i can reach out for a diagnosis maybe, and i saw another person do this so i wanted to try it out

i wrote a list of some of the things i think that are autistic traits about me and if anyone would like to please read them and tell me if they could be autism or maybe smth else? lol, just as a big favour really. I'll give more context if any is needed, thanks so much!!

also please reblog for reach if you want to, thank you

ts bellow the cut :]

- stimming ( twirling and braiding hair, used to suck on my own hair as a kid, rocking back and forth, doing ??? weird stuff with ny mouth and fingers lol, moving legs a lot)

- echolalia; internal, repeating phrases and songs on my head, but also doing sounds with my mouth

- always feeling like an outsider. This wasn't bad for me as a kid since i was very into creepypastas and media related to being an outcast, i never related it to something bad until adolescence which im still in, and I'm more insecure now about it.

- also, very extroverted as a kid, didn't get social cues and was offensive sometimes

- couldn't and still can't control my strength very well ( sometimes things fall out of my hands or i touch someone harder than i wanted to)

- sensitive skin, to heat cold and pain

- very talkative, as a baby was LITERALLY born babbling

- not good at eye contact, either do way too much or way too little

- terrible at maths (jst not logical to me??? dk how people find them logical )

- kinda restrictive interests but no special interests

- very picky as a child, fav foods were salted noodles with ketchup or by themselves. ( still can't stand some foods and mixing some foods together )

- horrible coordination and balance: didn't learn to tie my shoes correctly, how to ride a bike or how to swim, i bought wheelies and cant use them because my balance is horrible, i run weird (like a baby kind of) and I'm always stumbling on my own feet

- again, didn't learn some stuff until grown: didn't know how to shower correctly or make my bed ( could be due to being very taken care of as a kid, aka my mom didn't let me do stuff by myself )

- terrible spacial awareness: again, stumbling with my own feet, waddling like a penguin when i walk with my friends lol

- bad perception of time

- got upset when things didn't go my way

- ran away when kids were being too loud but didn't mind big performances loud spaces

loud THUDS or sudden noises however startle me, scare me and stress me out: was and still am kind of afraid of balloons, shouting people and loud thuds. As a baby i cried when someone spoke too loudly

- lately I'm much more sensitive to stimuli than i was, could be due to heightened stress in my life: badly done beds make me want to cry, crumbs on the bed feel like hell, heat and sweating are hell, some months ago i cried because my sunglasses and headphones weren't working and there were too many sounds, my head it hurted and everything felt wrong, sent me into a kind of crisis.

- don't think I'm overly empathetic, but i have a strong sense of justice and get very upset and ill about injustices.

related to that, movies and shows that require a lot of stress i don't like, they make me feel ill and i prefer spoilers when it's like that, i get too nervous.

- socially awkward and don't know how to keep conversations going, at least small talk.

- although i used to talk a lot, nowadays i prefer to stay quiet sometimes.

- i get VERY angry and frustrated but it goes away kind of quickly?

-i used to be very loud and I still dont know how to control my tone of voice ( how loud or quiet i am) and i spoke in a very high pitched voice as a child

- i used to read a lot, went to the library in the recess instead of hanging out all the time with kids and used some complicated words that my parents didn't know i knew

- all my life i only had one close friend ( not the same, but always one)

- i think i had a specific routine of morning

- i have a hard time concentrating and being organized

- i make plans for myself in the night and get upset when OTHERS interrupt it but not when i do

- hard time knowing when to pee and when to eat

- again sensory issues, some foods make me want to puke, and wet, sticky or extremely dry hands are disgusting. Also, light touches feel like anger.

- as a kid I repeatedly watched stuff, ended up boring my family because i only wanted to watch that multiple times

- sensory seeker as a kid kind of, slept with my feet up, danced a lot (stimming?)

-i get irritated easily and can hurt people verbally

- don't know if related but i sometimes very anxious, get upset about not saying goodbye correctly to certain people, as a kid i used to cry and didnt want to go to school because of a "bad feeling" that smth bad was gonna happen, could be anxiety.

i absolutely sure there's more, but I don't wanna keep typing

just to finish, most of my circle is neurodivergent. And family wise, my sister is audhd, one cousin and uncle are autistic, my mom has adhd and two of my cousins are suspected autistic.

[fourybfdi]

Chat I need guidance

people (including my dad and autistic friends) keep saying I'm autistic but I'm SUPER unwilling to say that I think there's even a chance that I am because of how shunned self diagnosis is (at least from what I've seen)

So I want y'all to read this list and tell me if you think I might be autistic

Tagging for y'alls opinions /nf: @voxxxlol @millyzasilly @boingzilly

Absolute yapper

I walk on my toes

I have maladaptive daydreaming

I get really mad very easily

It makes feel a sense of defeat when I apologize

I'm fairly selfish

My music NEEDS to be super high or else it makes me physically uncomfortable

I can't be touched on the shoulders

I HAVE to where my socks inside out because of the seams

All my shirts have to be that cold mesh/athletic because I hate the feeling of the normal fabric

I'm impulsive and say whatever comes to mind even when people aren't done talking

I'm not super smart, but definitely above grade level

Sometimes if I hear an unpleasant noise (nails on a chalkboard, stirring Mac n cheese, ect) I feel the need to touch it to "fully stop it" even if it already stopped

I can't really empathize and don't usually feel bad for people that I don't know when they are in really bad situations, even if I want to

I find social interaction difficult

I can't do any math in my head, even simple addition/subtraction and yet still try

I get very socially anxious and dread almost every conversation I know that I'll have

I do stim sometimes but it's not major

I almost never do eye contact

I never focus

I prefer to stay quiet and be on my own

I hyperfixate like there is no tomorrow

I'm LGBTQ

I'm Alterhuman

I'm aldernic

I'm a weird art kid that had an animation phase from 2016-2022 and still rewatches them

I have shitty memory

I watch things over and over

I get upset when anyone talks about a special interest because I want to (Even if there talking about my special interest as well)

And I often get derailed very quickly in conversation

[depressantadolescent]

So we're back again. With a whole new array of interests and hyperfixations <3

[simplysurviving89]

Today i had to have the talk with my 9 year old about the fact she may be autistic.

Her teacher gave her a letter at the end of the school day to pass on to me, it was a consent form for them to complete a SNAP assessment (special needs assessment profile specific learning difficulties) ... they didnt put it in an envelope so of course she read it.

When i explained to her what autism is and some of the traits she shows she said to me 'im not bothered if i am because ive been living with it my whole life, im used to it' ... when we got home she started googling autistic traits and showing me all the different traits she associates with.

Shes now self exploring.

I have never been more proud of my kid.

[neurodivergent-alien]

My prof asked me about my loop earplugs and noise cancelling headphones, not to ask me to take them off, like others have done, but out of genuine interest. She wanted to know how effective they are for me.

It felt nice having someone interested in my experience instead of trying to change me

[ihatehowmanyblogsihave]

I will pose this question to tumblr residents and experts:

I remember distinctly having to learn how to laugh in a way that was recognised as a laugh by others, practising it so it was minimal effort and maximum effect

I remember standing in front of a mirror and figuring out a smile, practicing it so it felt like it was “my own”, “cool” and lowest effort for me

I remember having to google how to make small talk, what small talk means, basically a small effort at research in small talk so i knew how to talk to people next to me on the bus, when people were trying to talk to me and when i wanted to talk to strangers but didnt know how or what was appropriate - i googled, took notes, practiced and perfected

I took this to my doctor and asked him if i was possibly on the autism spectrum. He replied that i am not, and “autistic people wouldnt care about reaching out to people, they are happy without friends. You tried to make friends, wanted to accepted that shows that either you were insecure or anxious”

QUESTIONS:

1. I dont think autistic people are happy without friends. Are they? (Are you specifically? From what i have read that is not the average autistic person’s opinion but i am not the expert)

2. Did you as a non autistic person do something similar to what i did?

3. Did you as someone with diagnosed anxiety disorder or recognised insecurities do something similar to what I did?

All answers are welcome and appreciated . Thank you.