#Am I autistic

[thedisablednaturalist]

Hey so I've been using methods used by autistic people and it's actually really helping? Like carrying around a comfort item, wearing the same clothes at least most days (having multiple pairs), using aids to keep me from being overstimulated, eating the same thing everyday for lunch, having my morning routine, etc. My brother is autistic and got diagnosed really early, and I wasn't (afab people are a lot less likely to get evaluated and diagnosed) so I've never felt comfortable calling myself autistic. But being at home with my brother has shown me that we share a lot of similar traits, like getting overstimulated, not being able to touch certain things, needing time away from uncertain social situations, eating the same thing over and over, stimming, etc. I had meltdowns when I was younger but learned to control them because it was expected of me and if I melted down I would be punished more severely. I also get special interests and hyperfixations and I tend to over explain things (I like to explain concepts and ideas in multiple different ways) but I thought it was cause of my adhd. I think the biggest sign is that I have like, an eye contact rhythm? Like I focus really hard on how much eye contact I should do because I've been teased for not making eye contact before. I also get hyper aware of my own body language and am very oblivious to others unless its a really drastic expression (I used to stare at those expression magnets they gave my brother). I would go over my friends interests and dislikes and even considered having a notebook and writing down little biographies but was afraid that'd make me a creep. I have different "masks" I think for different people, and always feel like I'm putting on a performance. I used to think I was a robot and would imagine manually switching modes in my head. I also get extremely overwhelmed by sound and smell and have a strong aversion to eggs. I don't like being touched except by certain people and I don't like multiple people touching me at once (I hate cuddle piles and crowds).

I always thought I couldn't be autistic because I'm very empathetic and am affected greatly by other peoples emotions. If someone is angry I feel angry, if someone is sad I feel sad, etc. I also can read people well I think?

Could autistic people weigh in? I've been told I'm probably autistic but it might just be I have acute adhd.

[trickybasterd]

what gave it away?

[generic-trans-girl]

I want to go I to the forest and be absorbed in the wilds

Do I wish to become farel or get in the dirt and lay there yes

Is this because I don't have boobs absolutely

[ringomess]

another day another rant

i’m a bit sad today. i feel better now but today in class we were working in groups and the task was really stressful and complicated. and also the environment we were in was really noisy and overwhelming. me and more people weren’t feeling great. understandable.

but then we had a break because the tension was really noticeable so the teacher gave us a little break. and at that point i was feeling really overwhelmed, anxious and overthinking. i was on the verge of tears. and no one noticed or no one cared to comfort me. when there were people comforting other people that were also not feeling great.

i started spiraling because, why don’t i deserve that treatment? why i feel like people don’t like me? and i just don’t understand. what am i doing that makes people liking me less? not wanting to comfort me? not caring about me? i genuinely don’t understand. i approach people all the time, make conversation, smile at people, and it still feels like i’m not included. i can’t do more? i’m doing everything i can to be included in class and get along to everyone. i’m really making an effort to take the first step to talk to people and have conversations. so why??? why people care less about me than other classmates???

and why does this story repeat every. single. time. everywhere i go is this, i don’t feel included even if i try my hardest, i feel like people don’t want to approach me. i think i’m nice? i think i’m funny? people laugh when they talk with me. they don’t look uncomfortable either. so why no one approaches me first???? i really don’t get it.

i can feel it. i can feel how i’m not as close to everyone, but i just don’t understand why. why are they closer to each other but not me, what am i missing? what am i lacking? and how does this happen in every social group of my life???

and idk… i’m not the only adhd person in class. and the rest seem to be doing just fine really. i don’t think it’s because they’re neurotypicals and they just their thing. because not everyone is nt and the other nd people doesn’t seem to be struggling as i am (but also, i’m assuming… idk if they’re struggling)

anyways im so tired. the only person who made me feel better is my flatmate, which actually makes me feel liked and like she wants my company.

[ryuseitai]

today is such a chiaki day in my brain. i mean every day is like this in m y brain but its like overwhelming i keep feeling sick and short of breath.icant do this

[mistyycowoa]

Wait wait wait no

growing up being autistic but not knowing is just *hiding in room while people are over* *getting tired and needing to recharge after the smallest chores* *getting called a gifted kid* *knowing that you’re “weird” because people are making fun of you but not knowing how to stop being weird* *having adults tell you how “mature” you are* *getting in trouble for not doing work* *convincing yourself that you’re just lazy and stupid because you can’t make yourself do work* *getting really invested in “weird” media*

[inkskinned]

please i love you i'm begging you bring back suspension of disbelief bring back trusting the audience like. i cannot handle any more dialogue that sounds like a legal document. "hello, i am here to talk to you about the incident from a few minutes ago, because i feel you might be unwell, and i am invested in your personal wellbeing." "thank you, i am unwell because the incident was hurtful to me due to my childhood, which was bad." I CANT!!!!

do you know how many people are mad that authors use "growled" as a word for "said"? it's just poetics! they do not literally mean "growled," it's just a common replacement for "said with force but in a low tone." it's normal! do you hear me!! help me i love you please let me out of here!!!

[etherealspacejelly]

sometimes you just have to let yourself be a bit neurodivergent.

i hate going out, it gives me a lot of anxiety and sensory input that i dont like, and i am often forced to talk to people.

so i do this thing on more difficult days, or sometimes just for fun, where i "bring a fictional character with me". i walk and imagine Fictional Character walking next to me. they talk to me, reassure me, hype me up, whatever i need them to do.

today dean winchester came christmas shopping with me. he went over the list with me of stuff i needed to get, told me i was doing a good job every time i finished in a certain shop, reminded me to take a deep breath when i got a little overwhelmed.

and yea. its kinda silly. and i know its just me talking to myself in a different voice, but it Works! especially since all of my special interests/hyperfixations tend to be tv/movie related.

so do what you gotta do to Get Shit Done. stop holding yourself to neurotypical standards. if you need Fictional Character to tell you you're doing a good job, do it! if you need Favourite Singer to walk you to school, do it! yea it might feel silly but you're literally fighting against your own brain to get stuff done every single day. you can have a little self indulgent daydream, as a treat.

[toadtoaster]

@matchboxkid

[lo-fag]

idk man. i just think itd be really cool if sign language classes were mandatory throughout primary school. yeah because it would make communication with deaf kids and autistic/nonverbal kids much easier. and those kids would be accessible to the others so they could make friends and have healthy relationships. yeah. and kids would eat that shit up man. like their own little secret language? they love that.

[thepioden]

I see your "Laios is trans" but that dude is THE most apathetically agender person on the planet. Laios does not have time for gender. Laios does not even HAVE a gender identity, he removed it to make room for more Monster Facts.

[code-of-creation]

Why is this empty room so loud?

[kpopcrazed]

Every day I spend on the internet it makes me think I might actually be autistic.... I need to get tested

[eden-alyvmedis]

I would like to issue a formal apology to anyone who interacts with me from 4pm-10pm bc I'm too tired to laugh when I don't find you funny so I just hit you with the

this is emphasized for people with social anxiety. I see you struggling bro and I'm sorry. I will not be laughing though, no more spoons left

[oliviawebsite]

(after misunderstanding what someone said and embarrassing myself) oh great now they hate me and want to kill me with rocks

[momhwa117]

THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!!

I took two quizzes few days ago...and I took one today which was like WHO ARE YOU WRITTEN BY... something like that ...and I get I AM A GIRL WITH UNDIAGNOSED AUTISM....and for the other two quizzes....GUESS WHAT???.....I SHOW SIGNS WHICH IF DIAGNOSED PROPERLY CAN SHOW THAT I AM AUTISTIC.....I Am SoRrY WhAT???....