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missdawnandherdusk · 4 years ago

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I Will Rise

Hufflepuff!Reader X Draco

You can take everything I have

You can break everything I am

Like I'm made of glass

Like I'm made of paper

Go on and try to tear me down

I will be rising from the ground

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Chapter 5 Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Summary: With the next winter holiday things get to their lowest point. But rock bottom is always the place to start building up.

A/N: So this was supposed to be super angsty with no end in sight but ya know, I changed my mind. This is angsty don’t get me wrong, but this is also where choices are made and people are changed for the better or worse. Sidenote: I just ended a four year relationship yesterday and ya know. I’m great. Anyway. Love yall!! Let me know that you think as always!!

Draco and I stood at the Manor gates. Dark clouds rolled in, suffocating us. They threatened with snow, ice, and fury.

“It’s the Dark Magic,” Draco noted, his voice seemingly indifferent, taking my hand.

I nodded, sighing. Something was to be said about missing sunny days and warmth. Even in the dead of winter, this chill sat differently on our shoulders. Winter promised spring... this artic promised nothing but death.

Inside and unpacked, Draco and I shared a bit of tea in front of a warm fire. He was reading The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe aloud, and despite my adoration of the book, I couldn’t seem to lose myself in the words as I once had. Even with the silkiness of Draco’s voice. I now had a deeper understanding for Narnians before the events of the book. An endless winter with only a small gossamer of hope to cling too.

“Wrong will be right, when Aslan comes in sight,

At the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more,

When he bares his teeth, winter meets its death,

And when he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again.”

The words mocked me. Draco seemed to pick up on my disinterest.

“Don’t tell me you don’t prefer the book any longer?” There was a soft teasing smile on his lips as he closed the book, setting it on his lap. It was the one I had given him almost a year ago.

“No, I do,” It was a sad sigh. “I just... do you think someone is out there for us? An Aslan to come and save us?” I hugged my knees.

“Well, you know as well as I do,” He took the same book and flipped further back before settling on a page that seemed to satisfy him.

"Dearest," said Aslan very gently, "you and your brother will never come back to Narnia."

"Oh, Aslan!!" said Edmund and Lucy both together in despairing voices.

"You are too old, children," said Aslan, "and you must begin to come close to your own world now."

"It isn't Narnia, you know," sobbed Lucy. "It's you. We shan't meet you there. And how can we live, never meeting you?"

"But you shall meet me, dear one," said Aslan. "Are — are you there too, Sir?" said Edmund.

"I am," said Aslan. "But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there."

A smile brushed my lips as he closed the book again.

“But do you think that was meant for us?” I laid my head on his shoulder.

“I think that it was meant to give hope,” Draco decided after a quiet moment, “Aslan, by any other name, would still be something to believe in,”

“Unless that name happens to be Harry Potter,” I chuckled, drawing a laugh from Draco. “And have you been reading my Shakespeare?”

“Maybe a bit,” A smile toyed at his lips.

“Romeo and Juliet though?” I rolled my eyes. “I told you, it wasn’t a good story to read presently,”

“I think you also told me that it was worth keeping the books that didn’t have a happy ending,” Draco set the book on the coffee table and pulled me into his hold.

“Do you think we’ll have one?” I asked softly. “A happy ending?” His face was hard to read as his eyes fixed on the burning fire.

“How can we with what we’re going to do?” The words echoed in my thoughts as we both sobered.

The plea for him to not do what he was asked of came rushing to my lips, but I held them there. I wouldn’t tell him. I had decided on that long ago. This was the one choice that he needed to figure out how to make on his own. I was torn myself. I wanted to tell him to stop, to help him make this choice, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know how to. But I could stay beside him... I prayed that it would be enough for him.

Even with the holiday upon us, the air was void of excitement and magic. The Manor was decorated immaculately even still. Tears stung my eyes, when thinking that this was the first Christmas I ever had without my mother, without baking or cooking or the music or movies. There was nothing to do in the kitchen with the house elves working and practically shoving me out of the room. There was nothing to clean. Nothing to tidy or move... It felt unnatural. Draco pulled me into his arms, giving me the comfort that I craved so desperately.

“Your mother is arriving soon,” He murmured softly. “Are you going to be alright?”

“I think so... we’ve been civil through writing. How bad could this possibly be?” My words were cynical but hopeful still. “Besides... at least it won’t be just the four of us. By comparison my mother will be a delight,”

“Bellatrix has agreed to be civil, and Snape always comes for Christmas. Or has before the last couple years at least. He’s my godfather, you know. He and my father were close when they were young,” Draco’s voice was strained. “But I suppose they will all be needles in a haystack,”

“It was right to invite the rest of...” I trailed off. “They’re alone too,”

“Always the Hufflepuff, are we?” He mused softly.

I hummed in acknowledgement. I was still wary about Bellatrix attending supper. Too many things had the chance of going poorly.

“You know we have to do this,” He read my thoughts.

“The perfect children. The perfect couple. The perfect soldiers.” I sighed. “What I wouldn’t give to go back to that night at the Ball. Or the month after...”

“It’s ironic,” Draco chuckled darkly. “That we now know ignorance is bliss,” I nodded at the doorbell chimed throughout the house.

“Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,”

It was something quite different dining with just the Slytherins and dining with their parents as well. It wasn’t just I and Draco who were playing perfect children, but all of my friends, everyone I knew. All sapped of joy, of smiles, expression... under the scrutiny of their parents. Blaise, Vincent, Greg, Theo, and Pansy.

“How has schooling been?” My mother tried asking as the first course was served.

“Well—”

“Ugh,” Bellatrix scoffed. “Who can learn anything with that daft old fool as headmaster?”

“Bellatrix,” Narcissa warned gently.

“Yes, yes. Civil. As you wish,” She rolled her eyes and slouched, digging into what I assumed was quail.

Draco and I shared a look. Attempts for conversations halted after that.

Dinner passed and I barely tasted any of the surely rich foods that were placed before me. After the awkward affair, my mother asked to speak with me in private. Draco, Narcissa, and oddly enough, Snape eyed me warily.

“Of course,” I gave Draco one last look. He looked as if he were ready to pick me up and make a run for it, but he refrained.

I led her to the small rose garden that Draco had once led me to. It seemed sacrilegious to tread upon this secret haven, but it was a place that gave me comfort. Though it was covered in snow and the trees and bushes were bare, I still remembered the summer warmth the garden offered.

“You have surrounded yourself with quite a group people my dear,” Her voice strained out the words. “And that dress is lovely,”

“A gift from Narcissa,” A tight smile touched my lips.

“So, you’ve replaced me then?”

I turned, frowning at my mother.

“You really think that?” I was baffled.

“Well look at you! New dress, new shoes, new friends! You’re living and dining with a bunch of Death Eaters for Merlin’s sake!”

“Yes, because I had so much of a choice to abandon the people I love and come home and live with my mother who lied to me for fifteen years and manipulated me!” I watched as my sharp words silenced her.

“You could have come home any time,” It was a quiet notion.

“No, I couldn’t have,” I wrapped my arms around myself and took a deep breath. “I’m going inside,”

“Please, dear. It is Christmas,”

“Yes,” I turned to face her. “And I’d rather be inside with Draco, if you can understand that.”

“Draco,” It was nearly a sneer. “I have heard... rumors about him.”

“I really don’t think you have any right to say a word,” I said, my tone as ice.

“You’re blind. Your own love blinds you to who he really is. You’re going to get hurt,” There was an air of concern in her voice.

“No! I’ve spent years of my life terrified of letting people in because you’ve got it so deeply ingrained in me that I might get hurt! Well you were wrong about the world! And you were wrong about me!” I stalked up to her. “I have done things that you will never know! That you will never understand! I’m living through a war for god’s sake mom! And you’re here yelling at me about who I’m dating!?” I took a small step back, shaking my head. “This was a mistake...”

“Y/n, wait, please, you have to understand—”

“No mom! You... you don’t get to just waltz in here and ask me to understand! I don’t have to understand, and you really don’t get to give a damn after all you put me through! Don’t you think I want to have my mother here for me!? That it doesn’t kill me inside because I’ve never felt so alone in my life!? That everything I’ve known has been pulled from under me and while I’m trying to set myself somewhere new you just criticize me!? No! You just...”

“And what would your father say?”

I gaped at her, enraged.

“How dare you!?” I annunciated each word. “Dad would be damn proud of me! And he never would have let you do what you did to me! I am supposed to be your daughter! But I’m done.”

Without another word I stalked up to the house and inside, fuming. Draco caught me at the door, but I shrugged him off.

“Love,”

“No,” I snapped. “I need to cool down, just...” Wordlessly I headed upstairs before collapsing behind a random locked door, sobbing.

After a while, when my tears had subsided and my frame only shook minimally, I pulled myself up off the ground and stumbled over to a vanity. It must have been a guest room that I found myself in.

The girl looking back was a mess. Tear tracks stained with mascara ran down her cheeks and red lipstick was smudged out of place. Her hair was hanging haphazardly and out of order. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her lips etched into a permanent grimace.

There was a knock at the door.

“Go away, Draco,” I sniveled.

“Do I look like that blond-haired prat to you?” The door clicked closed softly as I saw Pansy’s reflection in the mirror.

“Pansy, please... I—”

“You don’t have to tell me anything. I’m not here to console you, not particularly,” She came up beside me and leaned against the vanity. “Everything’s really fucked up, huh?” Her voice was depressed as she looked down.

“That doesn’t even begin to describe it,” I muttered.

“You know, I can’t tell my parents about Abby at all,” Her confession was small and weak. “She’s not a pureblood, and well, they’re not as accepting as her parents are about our relationship...”

I looked up at her, my eyebrows furrowed, trying to figure out why she was telling me this now.

“We haven’t spoken all holiday,” This wasn’t the strong confident Pansy I was used to seeing, but rather a broken scared teenager. “She’s mad at me because I won’t tell my parents about her, and I... I can’t do it. I’m a coward,”

I let out a hopeless laugh and smiled at her.

“I just told my mother off and now I really think I’ve been disowned,” A dry humor coated my voice. “And I’m in love with the son of the man who killed my father,”

“Well shit girl,” Pansy laughed. “You make my problems seem so trivial,”

“Not my intention,” A smile met my lips. “And I’m really sorry about you and Abby... not saying that it’s anywhere near the same... but I’m aware of what it’s like to be scrutinized for my choice in partner.”

Pansy nodded and a silence fell between us.

“You’re going to run yourself thin, Y/n. Trying to be everything for everyone.” Her voice returned to its somber mood.

“I think I’ve past that point,” I muttered darkly.

“Then tell me, little Hufflepuff, who are you going to be?” There was a slight challenge in her eyes. “You don’t have parents watching over your every move, you don’t have the constant expectations.”

“I can’t just—”

“And why not?” She shot back.

“Because I have to protect Draco,” I breathed out. “Play the part and get through this,”

She eyed me; eyebrow raised but said nothing. “If that’s what you think,” She mused.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I shot back.

“Well, the girl I met a couple years ago would stop at nothing to be herself even if it meant being teased and bullied by a couple Slytherins. The same girl who cut off all her hair and started to fight back. I just wondered what changed.”

I opened my mouth to refute her point but refrained. A lot had changed. Draco was a Death Eater now. We had a trial to get through alive or we would both die. I had to somehow manage not to get killed by his aunt preferably. I still had to pass my bloody N.E.W.T.s as if the rest wasn’t enough.

“Tell me, or don’t. But I care about Abby and Draco a lot. And now I’ve got this kid sister under my wing and I don’t want to see her drive herself into the ground like I have. This war is shit, but you... Y/n, you’re someone to believe in.”

I tutted out a laugh. “I’m a mess. Please don’t believe in me,”

“But that’s what makes you so valuable to all of us. Blaise, Theo, Vin, and Greg too. You gave us all a second chance. It doesn’t take much to lay down your life for a good man, but to forgive a bunch of villains?”

“You’re not villains,” I refuted.

“See, that there. That’s why we believe in you.” Pansy smiled. “Even through it all, you still are kind and believe in us,” She tucked my hair behind my ear. “Now let’s get you cleaned up, because I’m sure Draco is on the verge of breaking in here himself,”

I laughed and pulled her into a hug.

“Thanks Pans,”

_____________________________________

Draco paced outside the door as he heard your ragged sobs coming from within wishing nothing more than to go in there and hold you. But you had asked for space, so he tried to honor that. Draco jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Pansy?” he asked, relaxing a bit. “What—”

“I’ve got this lover boy,” She smiled and patted his shoulder.

“She doesn’t want to be bothered,” Draco defended, glowering.

“Maybe not by you, but I think she needs a sister about now, what do you think?” Pansy raised an eyebrow at him, and it reminded him of all the times that Pansy had been there to be a sister to him and he nodded, knowing that it might help you more that he could.

Draco leaned against the wall, next to the bedroom door, his eyes closed.

“Draco?”

He peaked an eye open to find his mother on the landing with him.

“Is she alright?” Soft concern colored his mother’s voice.

“I have no idea,” It was a ragged whisper. “I knew we shouldn’t’ have invited her mother. I knew it was a bad idea,”

Narcissa laid a hand on his shoulder and tilted his chin up so that his eyes reached hers.

“It was going to happen eventually, but maybe now she can get some closure from it,” His mother sighed. “I remember the night that Andy walked out... it was weeks before that last fight and I could see how much it drained her. And you know it’s been hurting her too,”

“Andy?”

“Your aunt, Andromeda.” Narcissa smiled sadly. “Married a muggle and was disowned... she was barely older than you,”

“Talking about our dear sister again?” Another voice snarked from behind them.

They both turned to see Bellatrix leaning against the stair banister.

“She was a traitor, Cissy,” The witch sneered. “Walked away from this family. Married a muggle,”

“I know,” Narcissa’s voice was strained. “But I thought perhaps it would give some insight to what Y/n is going through,”

“Are you sympathizing with our dear sister then? Are you a traitor sister mine?” Bellatrix raised an eyebrow.

“Of course not,” His mother snapped. “If anything, Y/n has just affirmed her loyalty by turning her back on her muggle loving family,”

Draco knew the words were said to appease Bellatrix, but still he flinched at the reality of them and what it looked like on the outside. He knew that was far from the truth. He knew that you had walked out on your mother because she had a problem with you being with him. It had nothing to do with blood status. But perhaps the wicked narrative would keep you safe.

Three pairs of eyes snapped up as the door opened. Pansy emerged first, a smile on her face and you followed behind. You were smiling and held your head high. You were also barefoot, your stilettos in hand. Draco smiled at the sight.

His aunt on the other hand.

“Improper if you ask me,” She muttered.

“I don’t think anyone did,” The smile on your face was tight and he had to refrain from laughing at the look of shock on Bellatrix’s face. “My apologies Narcissa, I do believe that I may have ruined your dinner party,”

“Think nothing of it my dear,” His mother smiled. “I’m just glad to see that you’re alright.”

Tucked by his side, Draco tried to read your facial expressions, but even he couldn’t pick anything up. What you showed him seemed real. A real smile and real confidence, but he doubted that it was really the case given the present circumstances. But perhaps it wasn’t far fetched after all.

Bellatrix glared at you, but you held no air of worry or fear. Instead it was almost as if you were challenging her. Which left him wondering what in Merlin’s name had Pansy talked to you about.

Draco kept a close eye on you all night, but you really did seem alright. Curled up under his arm on the sofa in the company of just your friends, you were almost at ease. He itched to know what had happened between you and Pansy, but there was never a moment alone with just the two of you.

The night wound down, and soon it was only you, him, and his mother left in the large house. The both of you had drifted to the sitting room that held the grand piano. Draco’s fingers danced along the ivory keys, remembering how last Christmas he had composed for the first time. Your song was still remembered under his fingertips as it became a part of mini concert.

Christmas morning came and there were few presents under the tree, most of them trivial. Christmas seemed trivial. He had gotten a pack of permanent markers from Abby with a note saying that you would know what to do with them. You had gotten a pair of diamond earrings from him—and his mother. You both agreed, however, not to get each other anything. It was a depressing notion, but there was simply nothing to say about the occasion.

That evening, you donned your cloak and smiled at him softly.

“I’m gonna go visit Papa,” Your voice was soft and subtle. “Would you like to join me?”

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. He never expected for you to invite him to something like this. After the events of yesterday he didn’t feel worthy to go with you, let alone meet your father.

“It’s okay Draco, I can go alone,”

“No,” It was immediate. “You’re not going alone,”

Draco never thought that your father would be buried here. At Godric’s Hollow. He supposed it was a common place for wizards to be buried, but... he didn’t make the connection. There were others here as well and he could hear the faint hymns being sung at the church down the road. You and he were just cloaks in the crowd, two hoods visiting a loved one. You paused at a gravestone.

Walter Y/l/n

1956 — 1983

A Father and Husband

~Have Courage and Be Kind~

“Happy Christmas Papa,” You whispered softly, waving your wand, riding the gravestone of snow and frost. You sank to your knees, tears in your eyes and a smile on your lips. “I brought someone here to meet you,” Your fingertips brushed the stone. “This is Draco, Draco Malfoy. I know you probably don’t like the last name Papa, but... he is good,”

Tears welled in Draco’s eyes at the interaction. He stooped beside you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

“Hello,” His voice was tight. “You have a wonderful daughter,” A pause. “And though I cannot atone for my father’s mistakes, I will try. And I will be someone worthy of her affection and love,”

You laid your head on his shoulder, not saying anything, but rather enjoying the quiet night, the soft snow starting to fall. Drawing his wand, Draco conjured a small wreath of holly at the bed of the grave.

“He would be so proud of you,” Draco murmured. “As I am.”

“He would be proud of you too,” You looked up at him, snowflakes on your eyelashes. “We should go before the snow gets worse. I can feel it growing dangerous,”

Draco’s eyes darted around to the other mourners in dark colors that made only your silver cloak stand out when his eyes landed on a rather large focal statue. You followed his gaze and stood, standing.

“Do you think Harry has ever...?” The question was soft.

“I don’t think he knows it’s here,” Draco answer truthfully, his brows tugging together.

He led you down the rows of headstones until you were before Lily and James’ gave. It was sobering, seeing it like this. Draco knew the legends and stories, of course, but looking at the small bundle etched in the stone, cradled in Lily’s arms, it seemed almost too real. With your wand, you used the same spell and cleared the grave of frost and snow.

“As much of a prick that he is...” You trailed off. “I hope he’s having a good Christmas,”

Draco hummed in acknowledgement.

___________________________________

Narcissa greeted us at the door to the Manor. A warning in her eyes. The warning, proven to be in vain because nothing could prepare us for what was awaiting inside. The treacherous smile of Bellatrix greeted us, as she was flanked by two others, in hoods and masks—deeming them unidentifiable. Even though I had seen her the night before, her civility seemed to have vanished.

“The young prince returns, dear sister,” Bellatrix cooed. “But he has not been such a good young prince now has he?” She twirled her wand in her hand as Draco took a step in front of me, his own wand out.

“Bellatrix,” A steady recognizable voice called.

My eyes snapped to the right where Snape stood. His nonchalant demeanor almost blending in with the gloom that hung in the air.

“You know his fate, Bellatrix,” Snape did not attempt to stop her, but something held in his words accomplished the feat.

“Yes,” Her head cocked to one side as she drawled out the word. “But he is not above the Dark Lord’s law. And that goes for his harlot.”

“You will not speak to her like that,” Draco spat, growling.

I placed a hand on his shoulder. I could handle some name calling. I was just desperately trying to figure out Bellatrix’s game and why she had come back and why the hell Snape was here too.

“You know, you might have gotten away with it, little tramp, had the Ministry and that blood traitor Weasley stepped in and torn through the enchantments,” The purr fell from her lips. “And Cissy you should really know better than to leave me alone anywhere,”

Bellatrix waved her wand and I felt unseen hands grab my arms and drag me forward, to the center of the foyer, and then they were gone, causing me to stumble onto my knees. I glowered up at the witch, picking myself up and drawing my wand.

“Bellatrix!” This time it was Narcissa.

“Worry not little sister,” The witch stalked up to me, her wand tracing along the scar that resided under my shirt: from her knife the last time we had met. “She is in no harm... The Dark Lord has plans for her after all... But I am afraid that her possessions...”

My eyes went wide. I shoved the idea that the Dark lord had plans for me and finally figured out her game. The reason she was here.

My room in the manor. Filled with my muggle books, and records, and photos... Everything I had left from the family and home I no longer had.

“Yes, little pet.” Bellatrix snapped. “But I wanted to take this as a learning opportunity. That the Dark Lord will expect nothing less than perfection—dedication.”

“Bellatrix, please—” I started, only for my voice to be taken by a flick of her wand.

“You will be silent, little toad,” She snapped.

I turned, and saw Draco standing with his mother, pure fury written on his face as Narcissa held him back. As much as I yearned for his touch and comfort, I knew that this had to be played very carefully for us to survive. His eyes met mine.

“Come, come,” The deranged witched cooed almost happily.

Draco wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me along beside him. I looked up at him with frantic questions in my eyes, but he just shook his head. Though I couldn't hear the others behind us, I was sure they were there. Standing at the door of what was once my room, I saw the scattered books, torn pages, and absolute destruction that was in the room’s wake. Tears welled in my eyes at the sight. Draco’s and Narcissa’s arms around me were the only thing that held me back from running forward to save something—anything.

“Draco,” Bellatrix motioned him forward. Rigidly he let me go and took a step forward.

“The Dark Lord and every Death Eater believes that Purebloods are superior. That Muggles are filth and should not be considered human. And yet you allow such scum in your house. Muggle scum.” Bellatrix turned to Draco. “Destroy them. Prove your loyalty, little prince.”

Narcissa’s arms became a vice grip, holding me up instead of holding me back. I ducked into her shoulder, not being able to bring myself to watch what I knew had to be done.

“Confringo,”

Time passed. I wasn’t sure how much time. Maybe seconds... maybe an hour. Everything froze around me. My lung burned for oxygen. My eyes saw nothing. There was nothing left for me to see. Nothing but destruction in wake.

________________________________

“Draco give her mind time to protect itself,” Snape’s calm voice chided, watching the young boy pace outside the room you were in, nursed by Narcissa.

“No.” He snapped. “She—Fuck she’s going to hate me! Do you realize what I’ve just done!” He nearly screeched. “I’ve just destroyed everything—”

“And rightfully so!” Snape hissed. “Do you think the Dark Lord would be as forgiving as Bellatrix? If he came here and saw such things?” Snape’s eyes narrowed. “If it weren’t for the Dark Lord’s plans for her, she’d be under a gravestone by now.”

“Plans for her!?” Draco rushed his teacher, wand out. “No. He doesn’t touch her.” The threat was malicious and icy.

“It is out of your hands,” Snape merely brushed Draco’s wand away. “Has today not been enough for you to understand that there is no other choice for you here?”

Draco took a cool step back. “Crystal.”

The door opened and two pairs of eyes snapped and fell upon a weary Narcissa.

“She is awake,” Her voice wavered slightly. Narcissa walked forward and placed a hand on her son’s shoulder. “She’s asking for you,”

Ice ran through Draco’s veins as dread filled his chest. Maybe this was it. Maybe this was goodbye. Maybe this finally broke you. It’s what he dreaded the most, but knew it was coming.

You were sitting up, on the edge of the bed, your gaze cast to the floor.

“Y/n, please, you have to—”

You held your hand up and shook your head.

“Books... can be bought again. So, can records...”

“But they—I...”

“Draco,” You called, squeezing your eyes shut. “I know.” Your voice was curt. “I know, but right now, if I dwell on that...”

He nodded and looked down.

“Can you ever forgive me?” Tears welled in his eyes as he sat beside. “Please forgive me,”

“You had no choice,” Your voice was small. “They’re just... things.” Your eyes still didn’t open. “They’re trying to break us. Break me. The Dark Lord has plans for me,” You almost scoffed. “Like I’m his pawn. Like I belong to him!” You stood pacing the room. “Well you know what? He can watch me bleed, he can watch me burn, but I will not give in!” Your voice was vehement. “I—won’t—break,”

Draco gaped at you, utterly shocked. This was... new. This was different. This was also the first time that he had ever seen you so adamantly speak against the Dark Lord with such fervor. A kind of courage that he wished he possessed. A determination that made him believe that maybe, if nothing else, you would get through this. It gave him hope that maybe he would too.

You sat beside him again and took a deep breath, running a hand through your hair.

“How are you feeling?” You voice was gentle and soft.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” A small smile touched his lips.

A shrug fell from your shoulders and your hand ran up and along his left arm. The action alone eased the ache of the magic etched into his skin.

“I hate what I am,” He confessed through tears. “I hate what I’ve done and what I have to do. I... I don’t want to kill anyone. I don’t want to hurt anyone,” Sobs wracked his frame. “And I don’t know how you’re getting through this so well because I’m just breaking. I’m broken.”

Your arms wrapped around him, head resting on his shoulder.

“And that’s okay,” You pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “Go ahead and break. You’ve been strong too long, Draco.” Your hand ran through his hair.

He clung to you desperately, sobbing into your shoulder, hiding there. And he did break. He broke on you. He came apart at the seams in your hands and you held him together.

“I—I don’t w-want to kill him,” He sniveled. “W-why haven’t you tried to stop me?” He started to hiccup from the lack of oxygen.

You took his shoulders and looked him in the eye.

“Deep breath,” You instructed and took an exaggerated breath waiting for him to follow suit. It was shaky and ragged, but Draco managed a couple. “And because I wanted you to figure that out on your own. I wanted you to make that choice,” Your thumb brushed away his tears. “And I’m so proud of you for making it,”

He nodded and collapsed back into your arms a sense of relief flooding through him despite the threats that closed in from all sides.

__________________________________

“M-miss?”

It was early January when the house-elf came to me, clutching something in her hands tightly. Cassie, I thought was her name.

“Yes?” I knelt down, a soft demeanor to the action.

“I—I am—” She started to hyperventilate, tears in her wide eyes.

“It’s alright, sweetheart,” I soothed softly. “I won’t hurt you, nor tell you to hurt yourself. You’re safe in my presence,” I held my hands out, a slow action, showing the cowering house elf that they were empty and held no threat.

“I—I have been a b-bad house elf,” She cried. “I s-stole from M-miss,”

I frown furrowed my brows. I couldn’t think of anything that I owned that was worth stealing. A depressing thought tacked on that I didn’t own anything worthwhile even to me at the moment.

“It’s alright,” I smiled something sad.

The house elf held out what she was clinging too.

My photo album, the gift from Abby last Christmas. Tears sprung in my eyes as I hastily snatched the book from the house elf’s grasp.

“P-p-please do n-n-not be cross with C-C-Cassie,” The elf sobbed. “S-she likes l-l-looking at the p-p-pictures of h-h-happy mom-ments.”

“Oh, I’m not mad,” I quickly rushed out. “Not even in the slightest,” Tears streamed down my face. “You saved this,” I set the album down and drew the elf into a hug that she tried to scramble from but eventually relaxed, sobbing into my shoulder. “Thank you, thank you.” I cried.

“P-P-Please do not tell Master D-Draco,” She sniveled. “Y-Y-You have a-a-always been k-k- kind to us e-e-e-elves, p-p-please,”

“Y/n?” Draco’s voice was concerned. “Tell me what?” Cassie squawked and hid behind me, cowering.

“M-m-m-master D-Draco,” The elf stammered apologies.

“What’s going on?” Draco was reserved, a mask of calm.

“Cassie, she saved my album.” I ran my fingers over the leather cover. “She took it from my room I guess... said she liked to look at the photos,”

Shock and relief flitted across Draco’s face in waves. He knelt down beside me and brought the book into his hands tears in his eyes.

“Thank you,” He spoke softly to the house elf. “Thank you for saving what I couldn’t,”

“Draco,” I chided softly, reaching out for him. “It wasn’t your fault,”

“Regardless if it was or not,” He turned his attention back to the house elf. “You have my deepest gratitude,”

I flipped to a worn page by my own hand, to a day last year in the snow of four friends laughing and smiling. It wasn’t much, but I supposed it was something to believe in.

Chapter 9

Masterlist

Tags: @coffee-addicti @msmcsmutt @ravn-87 @artemismohr18@whygz @crazywritingbug @fuzzy-panda @bitemebro522@zombiesnips-blog @savingdraco@welcometomyworldwithoutrules@akari180 @slytherin-emerald@memalfoy-spidey@queenfeatherwings @fanficflaneuse @go-whovian-universe@spicyshenanigans @darling-im-not-okay-i-promise @dietkiwi@katsukink @takemetothekingdom @strangerr-things @tmnt-queen @hxneybgb @justsomerandomgur@belcvayelena@moviesbooksandfandoms @howdycharlie@xtrashmouthxtozierx@cocochanelthepupper @ninacotte@braelynn-j @jiggllyy@honeymarvel @darcypottah@atomicpunkrock @thiccheerioss@lottie289 @boredashaeck@beautiful-pegasus @tceedlmao@deadlynyghtshayde@iconjuresnapeingrandmaclothes@anonymous034 @bi-andready-tocry @lunna-does-real-doodle@dragonsandbread @okaydraco@the-queen-of-hell-things@cmxreader @alienmotel @oh-itsnothing @sunflowerxsadnessw @fattycooter@angelotakunerd08 @thisisahugemistake@fanficsigottaread@gweaslvy @strawberriesonsummer @gaysludge@cleopatera@ray-of-sunrise @artist-bby @shadowsingeraxolotl@peters-legos@quillsareforwriting @ghostlytoadalmondhairdo@wollymalfoy@lilpieceoftoast @paper-cats @floweryjh @sdicapriox@slothgirl22@peachesandpinks @monimillion @hufflautia @livize75@annie-mcl@riathearora @live-like-luna @justathoughtfulangel@coconutdawn@skteaiy @wannabeskinny-thinspo@naughtygranger @queenofmankind @dragonsandbread @abundantxadorations @moony-artnstuff @myforeveryoungblog @and-then-a-girl-with-luv @1-800-luvsick @pandas-rice-field @strawberriesonsummer @jjustsomerandomgirl @mrvlfangirl3190 @loverbbgirlsblog @in-slytherin-we-trust @emmaa-t @introvertedrae @infinity1o1 @stoleurmomsvan @echpr @sunkissed-hufflepuff @dekulover @marshmallowtraver @cereuselle

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ressyfaerie · 4 years ago

Text

OKAY YALL.

I haven’t been paying attention at all.

Do you want to be really angry,

Like really, really angry?

I’m putting this in a read more since there’s going to be a LOT and it may start a FIRE.

It was a lonely snowy night in the north of British Columbia Canada.

Just kidding.

For real though- I had no internet! We could only watch TV on satellite (the only anime I watched was on YTV). If it snowed in the winter we had to go outside and brush the snow off the satellite to continue watching Beyblade or Inuyasha.

So I was 5-6 when I first started watching Beyblade. Of course I LOVED IT. I would rush home to try to watch it everyday. Beyblade has just airing and it was a HIT. I watched season 1 religiously, I actually don’t remember watching much of V-force or G-rev but that’s probably because it wasn’t made yet lmao.

I grew up in a small town, whatever you’re imagining, imagine it smaller. (I could write a whole essay on the social hierarchy of Port Ed in the early 2000s but I’ll keep it short for now) White kids= rich/ pretentious, Native kids=poor. I didn’t like the attitude of most of the white girls, so I mostly made friends with the native kids (I miss yall btw) but anyways, this is where you’re going to get angry.

So I didn’t know what Japanese WAS. Like I knew what Chinese was (Small town surrounded by racists? Who would have guessed?) I don’t even think I knew Japanese existed, but any other anime I watched (Sailor moon, Inuyasha, Gundam Wing) most of the characters were white representing or had extremely light skin tones.

So what the heck was 5 year old me supposed to do with beyblade? Which was a show filled with lots of different ethnicities? 5 year old me was obsessed with beyblade, tearing apart every episode I saw, so I gathered: Max=American, Ray=Chinese, Kai=Russian (Because that’s what matched with all their championships, makes sense to a kid right?)

But what WAS Japanese? I dunno? But you know who Tyson looked like?

My chubby native friends.

THAT’S RIGHT

YALL ARE DEBATING BIRACIAL KAI

LITTLE ME THOUGHT TYSON WAS NATIVE FOR YEEEAAAARRRSSSSS.

I’m laughing as I write this, when I learned Japan was indeed a real place, it didn’t dawn on me immediately. It still took finding beyblade online when I was like 11, re-watching it and being like ‘huh’. (Note: Remember when beyblade was on youtube but each episode was like 4 parts? Good times.)

So, on the topic of Kai.

First of all, I need to point something out that I deem obvious, but must be said.

Beyblade (As well as many other shows from long ago (Yugioh, Naruto, Inuyasha, and Sailor moon come to mind), a lot of us latched on to these shows so hard because of trauma or lonely childhoods. Which means a lot of us find our connections to these shows or characters very personal, which is why it’s hard to break headcannons. It’s more than a fandom for us, and any of us who feel this way, are risking their comfort show to involve themselves in the fandom (This is why I believe a lot of beyblade fans don’t interact with fandom, and I go out of my way to warmly welcome all whenever I can)

It needs to be said, that you owe no explanation to anyone, and neither do I, nor do I apologize for my headcannons.

With this being said, I knew eventually the fandom would blow up (as it has many times, over the idea of biracial Kai/ Kai with Russian ancestry/ Japanese Kai), now that it has hit so close to home, I feel the need to validate my decision to make Kai biracial in my two long main fics. However, it needs to be stated, I am not doing this to validate myself, but because I simply want to talk about it, I’m not explaining, or apologizing, simply stating some facts, and how I feel.

For a lot of us, these characters are so personal and we’ve kept them for so long that they’re verging on OC’s, this is NOT YOUR JOB to point out! Although I believe my Kai is very close to canon, there’s many things that aren’t, regardless, myself and many others, still belong to the fandom.

Back to my childhood:

FINALLY DIAL-UP INTERNET!

The first thing I did when I learned how to read and had private access to internet was google ‘Kai Beyblade’, if you asked, I probably would have said a child’s equivalent to ‘“fuck you that’s why”.

I learned his last name was Hiwatari, and man, I thought that was SO COOL. But that wasn’t a Russian name was it? I dived further, I don’t think the beyblade wiki even existed at this point, I think I was reading everything off of wikipedia. What I read was: Kai’s father was Russian and his mother was Japanese. I didn’t think too much of it, I mean, it made sense. It would explain Voltaire’s connection to Russia. Later on I realised it made more sense for Kai’s mother to be Russian since the Hiwatari name is Japanese and would most likely come from his grandfather, and for some reason, I was convinced Susumu was Voltaire’s son. The idea of Voltaire marrying his son off to some Russian heiress made so much sense to me. I never read fics, my ideas were definitely influenced by wiki edits, I had no reason to doubt it, or think any differently, I think a lot of people followed the same footsteps. It’s interesting to think that’s how headcanons became universal back in the day.

I learned the manga existed after a trip to Metrotown Vancouver where I bought every volume they had (3 lmao) (I still haven’t read every volume, and will when I can afford them).

I just always assumed Kai was biracial, IT JUST MADE SENSE. Kai’s family’s deep ties to Russia, the reason why he knew Russian (regardless of the Abbey), his figure compared to Tyson’s in season 1, I had no reason to doubt it, and it seemed the Dub side of the internet agreed!

When I wrote my fanfics at 18-19, 5 (years ago now, wow), I still assumed Kai was biracial. Only recently have I dived into the fandom and got into every side (Sub, Dub, Manga). I learned there’s 3 things Dub/Sub/Manga people will instantly fight over: Kai’s race, character’s names, and their ages.

The reason these three things are so debated is because of the dramatically different storylines/ differences in language versions. The Dub and Sub are two completely different shows when played side by side. I am most familiar with the Dub, as it stays close to my heart, which influences most of my headcanons.

I still headcanon Kai as biracial. We actually don’t know much about his parents, and canon is very loosey goosey. We’re learning more in Rising, but I highly doubt Takao Aoki is going to be like “AND THEN KAI’S MOM WENT TO VISIT HER RUSSIAN FAMILY IS RUSSIA BECAUSE SHE IS RUSSIAN” I’m not going to go into super detail why I think it’s likely that Kai is biracial, but you know what? It doesn’t really matter. This fandom is old, and being from the early 2000’s that means the dub is much different, which means there are MULTIPLE versions of canons. I guarantee you, in every version there is something problematic, and one of the least important ones, is whether or not the fandom white-washes Kai by making him biracial (Maybe full Russia could be an issue, but you know what? Does it really matter?). You know what DOES MATTER. What they did to Eddy, they did that boy dirty.

I mean they LITERALLY white-washed him. LIKE.

Also changing Tyson/ Takao’s skin tone in G-rev/ V-force will forever annoy me; that might be an asian skin whitening thing though, still, problematic.

But anyways, in the end I’m sure the reason why the English fandom so frequently headcanons Kai as biracial is not because of white-washing, but because of the time the Dub was created.

The early 2000’s was an interesting time. Some towns were still stuck in the 90’s, lots of kids had no access to the internet, and when they finally DID, they did not use it wisely. Misinformation was spread easily. Not many people in America read the manga, and very few people watched the Sub.

People like me, young and old, filled in the gaps that were missing.

It’s been 20 YEARS GUYS. A lot has changed. Headcanons that aren’t problematic will stick. As long as it’s not hurting anybody, or anyone else, it’s really not a bad thing.

Our main focus should be to keep the fandom going! We can’t die, we’ve been together too long to die and I refuse to let it happen, where will I get my serotonin from??

Here’s a pic of my love to end it off:

Dumb idiot loser fuckin smiles fucking lunatic.

#ressyfaerie #beyblade thoughts #on the subject of kai biracial headcanons and how they came to be #yall dont forget ive been here for the loooooonnggg ride #i was seeing the wikipedia edits ages ago #the passive aggressive edits were what gave me life

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shattered-catalyst · 4 years ago

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OCD Subtypes for the RPC

Part 1 is here

Well well well, we are back for Part 2 of the Roleplayer’s Guide to OCD.

Fellow Ocd Folks, I see you in those tags and I'm going to do my best to ensure those obsessions are represented here- BUT understand that physically it is not going to be possible to list every single one because I am one person. Regardless its incredibly brave of you all to rb and add things in the tags, I know its hard to talk about this shit and I see you. I see you.

Resultantly I typed this out and posted it in formatting to assist with accessibility in mind; if you cannot read it still ( I tried Im sorry!) i recommend the copy and paste method or getting the chrome extension bee-line reader.

There will be grammatical and spelling mistakes. Im sure spacing is odd some places, but you have to understand doing this is extremely anxiety provoking for me so Im just getting it done when I can.

Remember to use your critical thinking; not everyone has the same symptoms/compulsions/triggers and all that.

OCD is fluid. Its like liquid mercury. One day its a handful of subtypes another day its another different serving.

If you are in general squicked about certain topics even by mention read ahead with your own judgement. Remember us folks that have OCD have many disturbing and distressing experiences so if you are writing a character who has OCD and you can’t read about it just don’t give them that obsessive thought/ compulsion. Make sure writing is still a safe and enjoyable hobby for yourself first and foremost.

But ethically and morally I cannot and will not leave out the more disturbing bits. You have the ability to scroll by, I and many others do not get the chance to escape triggering content that our own mind creates.

So read ahead with your best judgement or at least skip around the squicky parts and educate yourself on what OCD is so people quite using it as a Obsessive Christmas/Corgi/Cat Disorder thing. Alright? Cool beans.

Okay so you made it passed post 1 and got under the read more. Give yourself a gold star for diving into this monster of a document.

Below is a crash course it is not meant to replace actual psychoeducation, personal research, or google. Honestly most of us do our research extensively but because OCD is treated so horribly by social media, media, and society in general.

I wasn’t sure where to throw these together because the education tools to learn fully about OCD are very specialized and thus very restricted. I found that many people DO have these experiences with OCD though so I will represent them throughout. I’ll also sprinkle some of my own experiences so you can get a good reference of a person who has the disorder and not just a randomly generated person.

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So OCD is made up of Obsessions, Trigger, Intrusive thought, Misinterpretation/feared consequence,Somatic and Psychological Anxiety, and Compulsions/Rituals.

Your character may not be able to list all of these. In fact if they aren't in ERP therapy they may not be able to puzzle these things out. But YOU as the writer should know them. Your character won’t be walking around talking to just ANYONE that they have OCD. Remember a huge aspect of OCD is it’s Shame. The disorder makes us feel intense shame regarding our intrusive thoughts, as a result OCD goes undiagnosed for years especially if it has pediatric onset.

We won’t tell anyone what we are experiencing or why we are doing x y or z. We act like nothing is wrong because to emotionally react is to admit to yourself- and therefore the world- that you have had this intrusive thought and are therefore by virtue a horrible person.[For further information I would suggest also researching PANDAS].

It may be noticeable if your character has an intrusive thought. They may wince or grimace or roll their eyes certainly, but they won’t open up to Joe at the cafe about how their brain is constantly torturing them. I apparently have a very noticeable eye twitch.

Depending on the nature of the intrusive thought it will get more or less of a reaction out of me. Its usually dependent on how distressing the intrusive thought is and/or if its a new one.

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You see OCD doesn’t sit still. It never looks the same. You’ll have your long haul intrusive thoughts that are with you for years but then you’ll have weird ass ones that just appear and demand their voice be heard yelling about cars hitting people or squirrels getting eaten.

Some people have similar ones! So while everyone is different there will always be someone out there with an intrusive thought similar to yours.

For instance; I bonded emotionally with a lady on reddit because we both have intrusive thoughts during storms that animals and the homeless are dying. We were both horribly relieved to find another person and also distressed that every snow or rain storm brings horrible images and whispers to your mind that while you are warm and snug in bed someone is freezing to death. And its all your fault.

Some days are better than others. As with all mental illnesses it isn’t CONSTANT ALARM BELLS. Some days it will be all alarms and other days it will be like a gentle whisper on the breeze. You can almost not notice it. Almost.

Obsessive thoughts run the gauntlet from ‘i will/could have/may/may accidentally harm etc’ something that you hold of value. This is any obsessive thought that you have: you think about repeatedly and not by choice, it is very anxiety provoking, it is unwanted, and unwelcome.

Mine run the scale from ‘squirrel will be murdered’ to ‘being responsible for harm’.

Compulsions or ‘rituals’ are any behavior done to alleviate the anxiety from the intrusive thought and trigger object. In short, compulsions and rituals are not fun. they are absolutely not logical, and we know they are not logical but we are forced to do them. Thats why its a disorder.

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To emphasize from post 1: magical thinking and the faulty link between thoughts and actions are hallmarks of OCD. Magical thinking can be anything from contamination to if I turn around three times or stare really hard at something the bad thing wont happen. Sounds weird and is weird and we know it is thats why its a disorder and not a delusion.

The faulty belief that thought=action is the biggest hurdle it is incredibly difficult to grasp, at least for me maybe some of you that have done further ERP can attest, that the mere concept of a thought not being the same as an action is completely and totally mind blowing.

Free will? Yeah thats terrifying. IDK about anyone else but free will is absolutely terrifying; what do you mean i could do anything i wanted?

Thats how you face OCD(WITH A TRAINED THERAPIST). You give in to ambiguity and the unknown. Its breaking that link between thought and action. Its incredibly difficult and draining. A five minute exposure leaves me in shatters for a week and two five minute ones had me ripping my nails past the nail beds with anxiety.

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Just a reminder: Do not have your character expose themself or expose folks with OCD to a trigger to “ help us get over with”. That is literally forcing someone with a mental illness into a break down and is not helpful. In fact its worse because a person knows about this intrusive thought and they tried to make it real. More shame and some trauma.

If you have OCD, more likely than not a family member or significant other has tried this with the purest of intentions. But it never works like that. Theres a reason that therapists get special training for this. If people want a post on ERP I can make one at some point.

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Actually let’s drag me with the squirrel thing as the example- fellow OCD Folks get out a pen and paper and try breaking down one of yours;

Obsession:Squirrel will be murdered

Trigger: seeing a squirrel

Intrusive thought: Graphic images of a squirrel being murdered by a hawk/ impaling depending on the day

Misinterpretation/feared consequence: Squirrel will be killed and its all my fault

Somatic and Psychological Anxiety:intense anxiety, palms sweating, heart racing,

Compulsions/Rituals: Must stare at the squirrel to prevent bad things from happening,

Now imagine if that is every time you see a fucking squirrel. You have somehow become completely and totally transfixed on a squirrel and nothing is going to pull your attention away or the squirrel dies- which your mind is giving you lovely images of btw.

Cute right?

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Below are the subtypes with general information/example thoughts/ and how some of these have impacted me socially because apparently some people dont understand that mental illnesses impact their social lives?? yall...

Social: This can range from ‘ i am constantly thinking i did something wrong so i have to ask for reassurance that we are still friends’ to completely unrealistic worries. Maybe its an intrusive thought that ‘ your voice is annoying them’ . There’s reassurance seeking, internal and external checking.

It makes friendships extremely difficult and exhausting. You’re not trying to get to know someone with an annoying frat boy egging on anxiety in your brain. This can also manifest as having strict rules for yourself and ethical codes.

My therapist likes to say she could give us (folks with OCD) a pile of hundred dollar bills and come back and they’d all be returned. Because OCD makes you so strict and morally confined. Which ISNT fun. Like I dont get pleasure over having to memorize the entire Code of Conduct!

Social Media: Its the bane of human existence some days and a lifeline the next. But what if everytime your follower count was an odd/even number it sent you into a panic attack. What if you spent all your time with intrusive thoughts that somehow someone misinterpreted a post or that someone is going to be harmed by a post you made about tapirs.

You may be forced to block people to get your number down or keep pornbots on your blog to keep your number what you like (see there is a use for them! We sacrifice those before actual users!) You may be refreshing your page every second because ‘what if you miss a message’. It's going to look a lot like ‘check check check check reassure yourself double check your posts check check check reassure check check FALSE MEMORY check your post etc’

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Clothing/Body Image: When its not Body Dysmorphia it can be OCD. Sometimes this looks like I obsess about a body part and therefore I choose my clothes/hairstyles to hide those. Some personal examples: as a kid I was sure that mind readers exist ( THIS IS AN OCD THING TOO I was so relieved to find that out) and that if i didnt wear a particular hat they would see all these horrible thoughts and it would be revealed what an awful person I was. So I wore the same dumb ass bucket hat for a year (or more I cannot remember but it was a long ass time).

I was once so fixated on being given a compliment on my eye color that I wore sunglasses (even at night) to a summer camp. And if any of those teen girls in that cabin that stood up and mocked me in a crowded lunch hall by singing ‘i wear my sunglasses at night’ you all owe me 40$.

Even younger still I had intrusive thoughts. Like say, if anyone noticed I was female that i would be kidnapped so I chopped my hair very short. I altered my appearance to be very androgynous and even switched to walking more masculine. Because omg if your hips move someones going to kill you thats just how it works. ( It doesnt help I later figured out I was a lesbian)

Your wardrobe may be impacted by OCD and yes so can your body image.

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Also yes the fear of mind readers is also a thing; i always thought I was somehow faking OCD because yes that is also a…..

Faking: Do you value telling the truth? Do you detest lying ? Boy Howdy do I have some news for you. OCD is going to try and convince you that YOU LIED. Whether it was on a chastity pledge to get a free sandwich or in a conversation you just HAD. This links a lot with false memory OCD.

Another aspect is OCD makes us doubt we have OCD and tries to convince us we have any other diagnosis under the sun and we are obviously faking our OCD.

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Sexual Orientation OCD; It is as it is called. Sexual Orientation OCD is what happens when your brain goes ‘hold on what if you’re not this orientation what if you are THAT’. It doesn’t matter where on the LGBT umbrella you fall you will have OCD trying to convince you otherwise. From compulsive staring at members of the same/opposite gender to compulsively reassuring or checking with yourself to ensure that ‘ no no you are in fact THIS orientation.’

This can range in behavior from binge watching porn, staring compulsively to check that there is OR is NOT attraction,self checking past experiences and memories, analyzing your clothing and your lifestyle in painful and intricate methods.

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False Memory OCD; False memory OCD is basically your brain sitting you in a noir interrogation room, handcuffing you to a chair grilling you. It demands that you did *insert bad thing here*. This can range from anything from something Harm based to pretty much *anything* from other OCD subtypes. Which is quite delightful really.

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Sensorimotor OCD; Sensorimotor OCD is obsessive body responses. These can be ‘ I have to cough really hard and really feel it right in my chest and if I can’t get it right I have to cough until I do’. This can be counting your heartbeats. Trying to check yourself that you in fact have a heart and checking and reassuring that it is still beating. It can be hyper-awareness of swallowing or even swallowing repeatedly. It is anything with selective attention; ie its an automated process but your OCD is forcing you to be aware of it.

Your OCD makes you aware of the sensation of, say, breathing, and then it convinces you that if you stop paying attention to it you will stop breathing. So now you’re horribly aware and focused solely on breathing and breathing alone. It keeps me up most nights with the pounding anxiety fueled by the pressure of ‘if you stop focusing on breathing you will stop breathing completely’ or waiting to feel that last heartbeat in your chest.

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Existential OCD; You ever feel existential ? Existential OCD is like having a very aggressive existential crisis that turns you into NEEDING answers IMMEDIATELY. This can look anything from hours panic scrolling the net to panic inducing anxiety because you don't know what happens after death. The thoughts are like foghorns on a misty sea.

This sounds basic and the only example i can give is as a teeny tiny 7 year old I had a panic attack in bed screaming that ‘ what if im a dinosaur and im asleep and i wake up and my whole family is GONE’.

To be fair I did like dinosaurs a lot.

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Harm OCD; This is pretty self explanatory but I will give more details. Harm OCD is OCD demanding that you will/could/can/may have/might harmed yourself/others/any living creature and that you alone are responsible.

This means anything from getting anxious driving over crosswalks because ‘what if you dont see one and hit someone and its all your fault and you hit someone go back and make sure you havent hit anyone’ to ‘im holding a knife so im going to accidentally stab someone’ to ‘ i didnt see my cat this morning and now im at work and think she must be dead and i am responsible for her demise.’

It can be as simple as ‘if i use a pencil i will stab myself in the eye’ or as complex as ‘ i may accidentally say a slur’/ ‘ i am going to say this horrible thing out loud if i cannot control myself.’ It can also be images of terror or racist/sexist/ableist jokes in your mind that repeat like a broken record.

(Please note from section 1 that this is extremely anxiety provoking and not something you would do. OCD preys on what we respect the most.)

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pOCD; Tumblr listen the fuck up because I am tired of seeing people get called shit on this website for having this mental illness. People who experience pOCD are not pedophiles, they do not get any pleasure or benefit. The thoughts and images are meant to induce harm to the person experiencing them. Children are normally the trigger for this and the resulting images can be very graphic. Again you aren’t attracted to children- thoughts of them getting harmed hurt you so your OCD makes you see them.

Know this so you can advocate for folks with pOCD in real life. Remember we are here. We are suffering and we are terrified of your children.

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Poisoning others/or in your food; Life isn’t medieval anymore but sometimes OCD demands we have a food taster or that we obsessively worry that we may kill someone with our cooking. Personally I struggle with colorblindness so I am constantly fretful over cooking any sort of meat so it’s difficult for me to cook it.

However this also comes as; obsessive horrible thoughts of your cooking kill someone or that you have somehow/accidentally poisoned someone’s food (even if you haven’t touched it or been within a foot of it ) or that someone has poisoned YOUR food even if no one has touched it except you. You’re going to be picking apart your food or unable to eat out at all.

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Emotional Contamination: It’s similar to magical thinking and this terrifying prospect of mind readers. Emotional contamination can manifest as anything from intense worry over somehow gaining someone else’s negative personality traits.

Or that somehow by interacting with any role of someone horrible will make YOU somehow also responsible for the horribleness. There is usually a person or a type of person that is a trigger, but it can also be location based.

This is one subtype where magical thinking and superstition are apparent.

For instance; as a teen if a male was in my space or had physical contact;like shaking hands,giving a high five, being in my room etc. I would have to go around and physically touch all the objects that I perceive they may have also touched as a way to cancel out their presence.

This includes wiping off myself to negate even the touch of family members. It really hurts peoples feelings, my father was especially hurt by this.

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Physical Contamination: This goes beyond physical dirt and grime. Most of us dont have spotless homes because if you’re having a fist fight with your brain everyday cleaning falls by the wayside just like it would for anyone else. Physical contamination holds 2 things: physical contamination obsessions AND compulsive cleaning behaviors/rituals. We believe that a small amount of a contaminate can cover large surfaces.

Oh, and did I mention its not JUST dirt/germs/viruses. The list is expansive but heres a mixed bag of what they can be: sticky substances,dead animals,glitter (FUCKING GLITTER),negative words or language,colors, numbers, surfaces in general, food, people, and activities. There is also a hyper responsibility to protect yourself and others from ‘contamination’.

Strangely there is a magical separation between the contaminated world and the ‘clean’ one. Spaces designated as clean would be a bedroom/bathroom/workspace where you are most active. That space is where the compulsions and intrusive thoughts occur. Its not I MUST CLEAN EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. Otherwise I would be working cleaning houses because why the hell not amiright?

A real world example from a colleague would be a young man with physical contamination OCD is struck with such intrusive thoughts about cleaning that they refuse to allow anyone in their room or any animals in their home. But they are not able to even flush the toilet, take out the trash, wash dishes, or do garbage because of their intrusive thoughts.

The most famous would be compulsive hand washing but I feel it is important to also note OTHER aspects of physical contamination because everyone sees the hand scrubbing stereotype.

Other compulsions include intricate rituals, not touching the floor (i played X-treme the floor is lava during college. I couldnt let my feet touch the floor because it was ‘dirty’),excessive showering (2-8+ hour showers guys, 8 hour showers. Thats what we’re talking about.)

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Relationship OCD: This comes as no surprise that yes you will have intrusive thoughts that you are somehow harming/ will harm/ may accidentally harm your significant other. Whether that be by physical or emotional means. It can look like ‘ I may have lied to her about how much I love her’, ‘ i may not actually love her and I may be leading her on’, and ‘ I must be corrupting her’. These can extend to certain physical activities with false memory OCD as a cherry on top. A great finishing garnish to leave you feeling absolutely dismayed and unable to trust your own perception.

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Scrupulosity: Religion! Whatever that may be! Its a thing with OCD. With Scrupulosity obsessive thoughts run all over the board from; you committed a sin and forgot about it you monster to having to pray continuously/ a certain time/ until its right. What is right?Ask OCD that’s the only person who knows.

We are fairly certain my grandfather had OCD because he went to church for every single Catholic Mass. Every single day. Every. Single. Day. That’s not a healthy amount of attendance(I'm calling you out posthumously because I care Robert!). This can also look like: praying a certain amount of times. Praying until you do it ‘right’. Confessing every single potential sin. Cataloguing and dwelling over ‘sinful’ things.

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Symmetry or Just Right OCD: Symmetry OCD is the runner up for ‘most likely recognized on tv shows’ award.

Symmetry OCD convinces you that if *insert thing here* isnt symmetrical or ‘just right’ (a magical position or number of objects that makes 0 logical sense) that something bad will happen.

This can range from the known; rearranging things. But it also looks like buying more objects until you reach the right amount and even throwing out objects if theres ‘too many’.

It can range from ‘the walls are percievably not straight so now i avoid that room at all costs otherwise i will be trapped traveling the edges of the wall with my eyes otherwise it will fall in and murder us ALL.’ to ‘ this historical bust is one inch off to the left and now all i see is visions of it breaking against the ground.’

So that is what I have time for. 9 pages on subtypes and basic information. If you find yourself wanting me information all of this is easily accessible online. So go, be free and dont ever compare people to Monk again. Write Batman and Scott Summers with OCD. Give us ACTUAL representation and not throw away joke lines. We are here. Our suffering isnt funny. We deserve representation too.

#OCD #writing help #OCD resources.#*drops 10 pages onto your dash* whoops

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yichens · 4 years ago

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fic tag game

thank you so much for tagging me @i-am-just-a-kiddo ♥ i love rambling about my fics and my writing even if it always also brings up all the doubts and insecurities i have but. these are my children so i will show them some love :’) and it is always just wonderful to share this all with you my dear ♥

placing under cut bc i do ramble, as yall know to expect by now!

Name: VishCount i’ve already explained the origin of that name a couple of times so am sparing you from that but gotta just say that i never expected to get so fond of this username and the nicknames that followed ♥

Fandoms: wow ok so buckle up, this is gonna be a ride first i gotta mention the finnish fandom for this youtuber group called LaeppaVika. i adored them as a teenager and i still watch the videos sometimes :’) couple of the members still stream stuff even if the group has pretty much fallen apart by now and am just very fond every time. they feel like home in a way. those fics were my first ones and am still kinda proud of some of those?

then there’s this one random finnish utapri fic i once wrote... tbh i’m not sure why my anime fandoms never made me write anything? maybe it was the inexperience and the fear of using a second language lol

after i got over that and got into BTS, i’ve written a ton for them. most of those are oneshots that vary from 1k words to 10k or something. a couple of longer ones have sprouted too and one is still in the making and i have sooooo many ideas. mostly just random aus. i adore to write those.

lately MDZS has been my favored fandom and it has gotten some oneshots too as well as my gigantic xicheng fic that hangs somewhere well above 100k now. i wish to finish the last part for that soon but who knows, maybe it will take longer than expected sigh. and now DMBJ has pushed in as something that yells at me to write tho i’ve only posted a short oneshot for it for now. and oh, last year i also posted a couple of silly oneshots for 2moons! that was... weird tbh but am glad i did that.

i wish i had more fandoms tbh bc there is so much interesting stuff there and i have so many ideas and inspirations but i’m very slow at writing. things don’t always just come out and some fandoms don’t grasp me for long enough that i would be able to tap into any projects. but i have no hurry, right?

Tropes: hmm do i have any? am not sure. i thought that maybe soulmate aus or some abo stuff was my thing but i’ve slowly drifted away from those. then it comes to just... idk. hurt/comfort? found families? i also adore slow burn these days and i feel like i’ve gotten a bit better at writing that but it’s still a struggle. also just, as already noted, all these different aus? mostly fantasy based ones. those are always so cool and somehow very whimsical? and lately i’ve also just fallen into this hole where i love to write some bittersweet tragedies or at least stuff that feels like a tragedy in some sense (and i blame my dear kiddo for that bc they’ve written the sweetest of tragedies and i want that too ok)

Fic I spent most time on: how do you count this? do wips count? bc if they do, then I feel like my xicheng fic called you’re the sunset and i’m the last purple left behind is it. it just keeps on going and i feel like i’ve given it all of my waking hours and heart and soul. then it could also be my BTS abo fic My Lungs for You to Breathe that is slowly reaching its second year? am not sure. but it has been going for ages bc sometimes it comes and sometimes it goes and currently i’ve spent over six months without updating it and. yeah. (it would be nice to mention some fic here that i’ve made some research for but tbh i never do any research. am horrible like that but i’ve never just. had the energy? tho i have hopes that i could go on this wild research spree for this one guardian idea i have but let’s see...)

Favorite fic(s) you’ve written: (making a list bc am unable to choose, fight me)

and you remain - my pingxie oneshot that just helped me to get all of the feelings i had after tlt2 pour out. am very fond of it destiny tied us together - some introspection of lwj and jc’s relationship and how it changes throughout the years as they both mature, learn things about themselves, fall in love and realize that they share the same ppl in their hearts (and maybe develop a tentative friendship bc they’re so similar in so many ways). i had so much fun with this and it just felt like my brightest moment haha painting your skin with all of me - the xicheng soulmate oneshot i wrote at some point and still adore. it just seemed to work and in the middle of my xicheng struggles writing them so briefly and gently just felt right pouring love (growing flowers) - the ot7 oneshot i wrote bc of this one amazing twt prompt/moodboard. it was the last part of my mono series. i love it so much. joon was so nice to write throughout the whole thing ;; lilies bloomed under your carpet - my god au for taejoon. it poured out of me so wonderfully and it was so amazing. still one of my favorite creations, this whole au. Stories Untold / chapter 3 - this was a collection of taejoon oneshots that i was trying to make but am not sure if i will ever finish them all. but this one, where tae is a forest god and joon a human able to see supernatural things, is very dear to me bc it just feels complete

Fic I spent least time on: gosh i think it must be either my first wangxian oneshot we had it almost or my touch-starved joon oneshot show me my skin and touch my heart with very soft and lovely taejoon. both created themselves in a couple of hours?

Longest fic: currently my xicheng monster but i somehow expect my bts abo fic to get even longer if i ever manage to finish it

Shortest fic: it’s apparently my namseok fic for joon’s tokyo called missing you (i’m homesick). it created itself out of my own experiences of living in a long distance relationship and is one of my faves in that series.

Most hits/kudos/comments/bookmarks: most hits and comments go for my bts abo fic which doesn’t really surprise me when it’s a multichapter fic :’D most kudos go for the already mentioned xicheng oneshot and most bookmarks go for the bts ot7 fic!

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: hmm if i could rewrite something, it would probably be my first bts fic and my second long fic called Even the Universe Makes Mistakes. that soulmate au now feels a bit outdated and there are many parts i would like to change and things i would love to think again. then if i was allowed to expand some world, i would love to write more for the xicheng soulmate au bc there are many other pairings i would love to explore there too or just to see lxc’s take on the events perhaps. other thing would be my namgi oneshot it passes (for us both) bc i adore namgi and the love they create in that brief moment.

Share a bit of a WIP: it hasn’t been long since i shared snippets of several wips but let’s go with my pingxie which i’ve been working on and am just so damn excited about (especially now that i can use the bazaar photoshoot imagery as inspiration):

“He moves, pulled in by the darkness of the lake, mirroring the softly blue sky with its gray, heavy clouds. The snow lands on his nose, into his lashes, clings to his coat and his shoes. He doesn’t feel cold, doesn’t hear anything beyond the softness of the snowfall. Nothing exists and everything does, real and fake at the same time, comforting but still making him feel afraid.

He could lose himself here, could be lost from everything. He could stay and be forgotten, could join those people that tried to make him remain, could take the easier way. He could rest, just like he was supposed to do so many times before.

Maybe he does belong, after all. Maybe he is part of this place, so awfully familiar with it, so willing to even stop his own heart to get here. And maybe he is not, this place only hungry for those who don’t yet remain, refuse to give into this dream-like space.”

thank you once more for tagging me my dear! this was fun even if looking back to my old fics and all the lack of updating and posting these days makes me feel kinda bad... i’ve just been in a slump lately and am slowly trying to get out of it even if i almost fall back in all the time. it’s funny when last spring i felt like i was at my peak sigh. but well, as i’ve already said, i have time right?

i dunno so many writers over here but i’m tagging @cross-d-a and @kholran bc i’m curious about your work. also tagging @inkblue-black and @jockvillagersonly if you want to blabber about something or if you just want to see this. and oh also tagging @wangxianbunnydoodles bc am always open for new ppl and i know that you write ^^

#tag game #sorry am making these posts today again #also sorry for always tagging the same ppl #i hope you don't mind #have fun!!#about me

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alia-turin · 4 years ago

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It has been a WHOLE minute since I have mentioned Caranthir so here is a fic for yall. I have alot of ideas about young Caranthir, his relationship with Avallac’h, him joining the red riders etc.

@house-of-inspiration you asked for Caranthir joining the red riders, where as I said I was just writing it, so I hope you enjoy.

Fic Name: The Last Straw Fandom: The Witcher (Aen Elle) Characters: Eredin, Caranthir, Avallac’h, Imlerith Pairing: none Warning: Angst, mention of rape (no one is actually raped, just a mention) AO3: Click Summary: A very young Caranthir discovers how he actually came about and that a lot of what he thought about his life has been a lie. After he confronts Avallac'h he takes a decision that will change his life.

Avallac’h was somewhere again, to see the king or on one of these trips to the Aen Seidhe world where he never took him even if Caranthir loved going to other worlds. He was bored out of his mind, already had read every book he wanted to read, tried every spell that Avallac’h had forbidden him to try...

There was a place that had been off limits for him and he had always been curious about. It was a room, the door always closed and locked with magic. He had tried opening when he was very young, probably ten or so, but the door didn’t move. He had also tried different spells through time, every few years when he learned a spell that might help, he would wait for Avallac’h to be away and he would try, but nothing had happened. This door had become an obsession of his, at some point he didn’t even care what was behind it, although he did wonder why the Sage was so secretive. It had become a test of his skills, somehow he felt that if he opened that door, he would prove he was better than Avallac’h.

Caranthir knew today was his day to open the door. He had learned a new spell and found some other useful tricks. For all he knew behind that door could be just a collection of these drawings Avallac’h always did of naked women. His curiosity was just eating him and he also couldn’t admit to himself that there was a spell he couldn’t crack.

Caranthir placed his hand on the wooden door and cast the spell. He was surprised when he felt it unlock, he really didn’t expect it. Almost fearfully he walked inside. If Avallac’h had locked the door so well, what was stopping him for putting traps inside? He couldn’t however sense any traps, at least not magic, and he slowly walked inside. He wondered what the Sage would do to him if he figured out Caranthir had been here. He had been punished few times as child and he did not have fond memories of it, but he wasn’t a child anymore and he could certainly stand his ground.

The room he was in was...a study of a sort. There were bookshelves, a desk, chair, glass vials, papers all over the place. He looked first through the books, not all of them were magic. There was anatomy and history, but not history of the Aen Elle, it was history of families, genealogy and alchemy.

He sat behind the desk and the first thing that caught his attention was a journal with his name on it. Caranthir opened without even thinking if that was wise or not. He started reading and the more he read the sicker he felt. Page by page there was his whole life, the way he learned magic, the way he used magic, manipulating time, using space, travelling...he had to toss it away half way because he just couldn’t read any more. He grabbed another journal, there were scraps of paper inside, old paper, some of it damaged. It had notes on Navigators, Auberon looking for travel to different realms, experiments on…

“What are you doing here?” Avallac’h was standing at the door.

“Making sense of my life.” Carathir grabbed the journal with his name and opened it on a random page. “You have never been good with words, but reading that makes me sound a bit like an...experiment.”

Avallac’h didn’t answer and that was more of a response than words would have been.

“All my life I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me.” Caranthir looked around the study, books, herbs, glasses and other tools. “All my life, I knew you were not my father, but I wished you were. I was just stupid child and I didn’t know better. Here it was little old me, a child without his parents, the scars on my face and body and the great Sage Avallac’h was teaching me. Me of all elves out there.”

“Caranthir…” Avallac’h started, but he did not give him a chance to finish.

“You can explain, I’m sure. Go on. Try to make it believable.” he taunted his teacher.

“When we lost Lara…” Avallac’h stopped for a second, even mentioning her name was still painful for him. “We lost the Elder Blood power. I needed to find a way to fix that....we couldn’t leave this world anymore, not without being ‘lucky’ and stumbling on a portal and that took time. I started working on how to fix things...came to the idea of what became the Dearg Ruadhri Navigators. But it wasn’t good enough. None of them was good enough, the portals were not stable and accidents happened.”

He read some of that in the notes, about the Navigators and how it was difficult for most of them to keep it going. No one was ever as strong as the Elder blood no matter how many Navigators they tested. Most of them couldn’t even pass the trails created by Eredin.

“Where do I come in all that?” he asked after Avallac’h did not volunteer any more information.

“You...were supposed to be a Navigator.” Avallac’h finally said. Supposed? All his life he had wanted nothing more than to join the Red Riders, what did ‘supposed’ mean? “You were my most successful...subject.” Caranthir grinded his teeth when he heard that word. But he was a subject wasn’t he? He was a product of an experiment that is usually called subject. “I knew you have power since...I believed that having the ability to travel again will save us, but I saw what Eredin is doing and Auberon is going weaker. That is whyI never brought you to Tin na Lia or even introduced you to Eredin.”

“How did you do it? I read the notes, you picked families with potential, did my parents know?” he read the notes in detail, the herbs, the magic, the other material added...at some point he had felt sick imagining some woman, his mother, being strapped to a table and pumped with all that. The notes did not specify how exactly it happened, but he had imagination. Maybe his parents did hate him, his mother for sure if Avallac’h used her as a test tube.

“They did.” Avallac’h admitted.

“Did they dump me at your door or you took me away.” Caranthir was not sure what he wanted to hear. Probably both would hurt just in a different way. When Avallac’h did not respond, one way or another, he knew they had just left him. All his life he believed that his parents gave him to the great Sage Avallac’h so he can learn to be Sage as well. Was even anything in his life real? He never thought much of his parents, but now he knew for sure they hated him. “Come on how did you do it? Was my mother forced? That’s why she left me, she didn’t want anything to do with me? The little abomination.”

“She was not raped, if that is your question.” Avallac’h answer was very measured and controlled, again what he didn’t say meant more than what he actually said. Caranthir thought himself stupid for not seeing that sooner. The Sage had always been like that. Half answers. Half truth. But he never lied, did he? He just said what was convenient and whatever was going to inconvenience him, was left out. He always thought he was smart but he missed that. Maybe he wasn’t as sharp as he thought he was.

“I read a book once.” Carathir got from the chair, Avallac’h following him with his foxy eyes. “It was about this mage, he really wanted to create life out of nothing. Necromancy really as he collected corpses and built them into one powerful being. The thing was ugly and grotesque, but it was powerful.” Caranthir started laughing, hysterical, he just couldn’t stop himself. “You know what I thought when I read the book? That this is sick! Robbing all these corpses and just the ugliness.” he ran a finger through the scar on the right side of his face, it was starting just above the ear and then running down to his jawline and slipping onto his neck. “I guess you didn’t build me from corpses, necromancy is not your thing, I know. I’m the ugly, grotesque and powerful monster, am I not?”

His laughing gave way to anger, he could blow this place to pieces, everything, maybe even have a go at Avallac’h. He opened a portal behind himself.

“Caranthir, wait!” Avallac’h��s shout became just a distant echo as he stepped through the portal.

He was in the mountains overseeing Tir na Lia, snow was covering everything around. He had found this place with Avallac’h years ago when the Sage had taken him to explore the nearby area. Caranthir must have been...sixteen or seventeen at that time, still a child. He had been absolutely fascinated by snow, the purity of everything, but also the destructive force of the cold. He remembered thinking if he could be something he wanted to be that. The winter storm that just covers the earth and hides everything. He felt the need to destroy something, hurt something more than he was hiring right now, his mood gave way to magic and a powerful storm wrapped the mountains.

Caranthir waved with hand and all the old fires and candles in the ruins lit. He sat on the cold floor looking at the storm outside. He wondered how long can he keep it going...hours, probably days if he really tried.

All his life has been a lie, but he could not even blame Avallac’h for that. The man was secretive and Caranthir never asked questions. He knew there was something strange about his life, how he had no friends, how he was never allowed to do things others did. He remembered once telling Avallac’h he wanted to be one of the Red Riders, he must have been seven or eight. The Sage just told him that will never happen. Caranthir had taken that as lack of ability on his end and he had found motivation in it. Since then he has been looking for opportunities to watch the Red Riders, whenever Avallac’h will take him to the castle. He remembered seeing Eredin for the first time, dressed in armor, on his horse...regal.

Avallac’h was going to hide all that from him. He was meant to be one of them. He was meant to be with Eredin and the rest.

He was created with a purpose, Avallac’h never cared about him beyond that purpose. Looking back at his childhood memories it all made sense. Avallac’h had spent a lot of time training him, teaching him, showing him how to control his powers, but he had never disclosed anything to him. The man was secretive, but this secrecy had gone out of hand. Caranthir had been a child then and he didn’t understand so he had made the stories he believed. He wasn’t a child anymore, he was almost a grown man.

He spent the night awake thinking, he let the storm run its course as well, his mood had moved from anger to depression and regret. His life was ahead of him, he wasn’t even hundred years old. He could do...anything. Avallac’h couldn’t stop him, from what Caranthir knew he might be more powerful than the Sage.

In the morning he found Eredin in the countriyard with Imlerith, training. He watched them for a while, not wanting to interrupt. Eredin was like...wind. The sword was moving as if it was part of him. Imlerith was...brute force. Caranthir never understood how that could be helpful, the man was massive and that made him significantly slower than Eredin, but at the same his mace was leaving holes in the ground every time he aimed at the Red Rider’s leader.

“Somehow I suspected I might find you here.” Avallac’h came to him, but Caranthir ignored him. It wasn’t the first time he watched Eredin and Imlerith go at each other, he liked watching them dreaming one day he might join them.

“My lord!” Caranthir jumped from the wall he was standing at and ran at Eredin.

“What?” the leader of the Red Riders turned toward him, expression absolutely bored.

“I want to take the trails.” Caranthir had to control himself not to shout that as he was so excited about it.

“Are you even allowed to drink?” Imlerith asked laughing.

“Caranthir, no!” Avallac’h jumped in.

“Do whatever.” Eredin didn’t even look at him when he said that but Carathir didn’t care. He was used to everyone’s attitude. He had always been Avallac’h shadow, the kid that was hiding his face and never talked much. They all treated him as if he was invisible, but he knew he was better, not because of what he saw in the study, but he knew his power.

“Eredin, he is too young, he cannot!” Avallac’h sounded concerned but Caranthir just smiled. Everyone was underestimating him, but was going to end today.

“Is he your slave?” Eredin looked at the Sage with interest. “If he is not your slave, he can do whatever he wants. Also didn’t you tell Auberon some time ago that he is your best...experiment.” the man’s grin was cutting through his lips. “Your Golden Child. If he is that good, he will live. If he isn’t…” the man just shrugged in apathy. Two portals opened in front of Eredin and he looked at Caranthir. “Come on. Off you go. You need to find your way back to the other portal.”

He didn’t hesitate for a second, he didn’t look at Eredin or Avallac’h, he just went through the portal not even sure what he would find there.

Imlerith leaned on his mace watching at the portals with curiosity. The last idiot who tried the trails came back, his whole body burned, he died maybe a few minutes later. The one before that never came back, given that the kid was probably half of their age, he was not holding his breath.

More enterianting was the staring match between Avallac’h and Eredin. The Sage was not an emotional man neither was Eredin so that was a bit like two statues looking at each other with hate.

“Calm down, Avallac’h, he is just a lab rat, I’m sure you can find some poor woman to breed and do whatever nasty experiments you were doing on her.” Eredin grinned knowing that was going to throw the Sage off the rail. Imlerith made a step back, whatever magic these two were going to use, he was not going to be in the way.

Before Avallac’h could answer the kid showed back from the portal...in one piece if it was not for a wound on his shoulder. Imlerith was impressed, but most importantly Eredin looked impressed as well.

“Interesting.” the leader of the Red Riders said and looked at his general, Imlerith couldn’t hide the smile on his lips. “How old exactly are you?”

“Forty three.” the kid didn’t even look tired and his shoulder was bleeding but he was not showing pain. Imlerith had no idea what exactly was in the trails, Eredin and Avallac’h had created them some time ago to ensure the Navigators would be able to manage their work. However, he had seen Navigators return after these trails and nobody had made it as quick as this kid did.

“You will be the youngest Navigator and Red Rider.” Caranthir was smiling at these words, it was a cocky smile, confident, Imlerith knew the feeling every time he won against an enemy and smashed their skull. “Get him patched, get him an armor.”

Imlerith just stared at Eredin, he wasn’t a babysitter, but he was going to obey.

“Come on, kid.” Imlerith nodded at him. “Taking you to the healer.”

“My name is Caranthir.” the Navigator corrected him stubbornly but followed, surprisingly Avallac’h as well.

“Whatever, kid.” Imlerith teased and he saw the anger in the pale blue eyes of Caranthir. He missed having someone to tease and make angry. It wasn’t the same as the rest of the Red Riders because they were all terrified of him and well he was their general. Eredin was their leader so he could give him a hard time only in private. That kid had to grow some tough skin and Imlerith knew exactly how to help him.

#caranthir ar feiniel #avallac'h #eredin #aen elle #my writing #the witcher fandom #wild hunt

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troop-scoop · 5 years ago

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Mistakes & Regrets XII

Summary: When a trip to your Dad’s hometown of Hawkins goes wrong, you end up in the year 1983, and have to learn how to cope with being stuck in the past.

Pairing: Steve Harrington / Future!Reader (like, a really slow burn)

Warnings: swearing

A/n: Last part until we get to season two!

•••

The windows were closed, and the blinds drawn to make the rooms dark, pillows and blankets gathered around the floor. Tv having been moved to the living room, practically in the center of the room for where you and Steve were sitting, backs against the wall and a pizza between you two.

You held the popcorn, and Steve held his coca-cola. The sound of bubbles in the aluminum can be heard during the quiet scenes of the movie you’d picked up at the video store. It was calming after the week you’d had. There wasn’t much else you really wanted to do other than watch a movie with someone, even if that someone kept complaining about the movie at every chance they got.

You’d picked it out while the two of you waited for Nancy to finish up her family dinner so she could come over with ‘Grease’ which you’d never seen before.

It wasn’t anyone’s fault that you hadn’t. But considering you were born twenty-six years after it came out, and it was a classic that was always brought up in pop culture, you were a bit out of the loop.

But when you grew up with one father who was more into action movies and sifi, and the other who was more the ‘grunge’ type from the 90’s, the movie was never on your radar.

Steve gave a heavy and over exaggerated sigh as the chestburster turned it’s head on the screen.

You mimicked the alien creature and slowly turned your head to look at the older boy. “What shit are you talking in that peanut sized brain of yours?” You questioned, grabbing the remote and pausing the movie.

Steve just shrugged continuing to look at the paused tv. “Just thinking about how boring this is.”

“Boring?” You demanded, almost personally offended by his words while you stared at him intently, gripping the remote.

“Yes, Y/n, boring.” He looked at you almost dramatically.

“Aliens!” You exclaimed, hopping onto your knees and staring at him, throwing the remote down onto a pillow. “This is about aliens, but not about them invading earth, and you have the fucking audacity to sigh in boredom?”

You didn’t miss him trying to hide a grin. “I’d rather be in Mr. Haul’s class.”

“I’m gonna use the bathroom, then I’m coming back out to beat your ass.” You told him, grabbing a handful of popcorn and throwing it in his face while you stood and all Steve could do was try to shield his face and laugh.

A knock echoed through the open floor planned apartment from the front door. “Oh,” You said in a sing song voice. “Your boo’s here.” You made your way over to the door.

“Jesus, why am I friends with you?”

“Because I didn’t hesitate to punch you when you were being an asshole, and I still gave you a second chance”

“I’m pretty sure you called me a cunt.”

“Same sentiment.” You told him, opening the door only to be met with a face you didn’t expect. “Oh, hey. . . Chief?”

“Y/n, I need you to come with me” Hopper told you, holding his hat while you glanced back at Steve who only shrugged a bit, confused as to why the chief was here too.

“Did I commit a felony that I didn’t know was a felony?”

“What? No, I just need your help.”

•••

“You know, my brother, and my friends used to say that Ted Bundy woulda’ loved my dumbass, I’m kinda starting to believe them.” You told Hopper, stepping over a few twigs, the sun setting casting an eerie feeling over the woods as you followed him from the car to the run down cabin.

“Why?” He asked, even though his tone clearly said he didn’t care ‘why.’

“Because, creepy cabin, older man who’s much taller than me and stronger, who I also barely know, it’s dark, and none of my red flags are going up.” You told him.

You’d told Steve that he could stay in the apartment if he wanted, and to watch the movies you rented, not caring if he and Nancy watched Grease without you in your apartment’s empty living room.

You heard Hopper give a heavy sigh as he stepped up the creaking wooden steps, where paint was tried and peeling up from water damage. You came up beside him as he opened the screen door and began knocking on the wooden door in a certain pattern that had you tilting your head.

“You can’t tell anyone about what you’re about to see, you can’t even write it down or hell, even draw it, understood?” He turned to you with a finger pointing to the door.

You gave him a look. “There’s one.”

“One what?”

“One red flag,” You clarified. “What the hell did you do? Kill Ronald Reagan? Store his body in there?” It didn’t make any sense to you, considering that he was supposed to be the sane one between the two of you.

The door’s locks come undone and you watched as it opened, but noticed how Hopper didn’t have a hand on the door knob and how there was no one on the other side of the door.

“Are you gonna feed me to the Blair Witch?” You asked, even though you knew that the legend originated in Maryland. Hopper rolled his eyes and gestured for you to go inside. “Oh hell no, the first one to go in is the one who gets killed last, come on man, keep up.” You told him.

He rolled his eyes once again, opening the door wider and walking in, with you hesitantly following, knowing you were being over dramatic. The floorboards creaked a little as you stepped inside.

Grabbing the door you closed it behind you so none of the snow got into the run down cabin, and so the cold wouldn’t plague either of you anymore. Turning back around you froze in place at what you.

Eleven, dressed the same, but her clothes dirtied, as well as her face. Her hair a light brown and having grown out about two inches, coming in at an odd stage in growing out.

Eleven fixed her posture a bit as her own eyes landed on you. Neither one of you knowing how to react for a few moments. Just looking at each other.

Your gaze caught on every splotch of dirt or dried mud on her face and clothing, you even noticed the mostly healed over scab on her leg.

Eleven made note of how you were in pajamas and a hoodie, how you had slipped on the closest pair of shoes when you left your apartment, which happened to be low cut converse. She noticed the lack of warm clothing and how your hair was pushed out of the way.

You were the one to speak up first “Holy shit.” In a second you were taking strides over to her and pulling the twelve year old into your arms.

Looking over to Hopper you shook your head trying to figure out what to say. How was she even alive? You were there when she supposedly died. “Does Mike know? Who knows?” You asked, while Eleven wrapped her own arms around you while you held her shoulders.

“He doesn’t know, no one else but us can know. For her safety, is that understood?” He asked. Nodding eagerly you looked down at Eleven and smiled a bit.

“I’m glad you’re alive.” You barely knew her, but you could relate to her, on not feeling normal, and having to hide who you are. “You’re not gonna keep her here, are you? It’s like a storage unit here.” You observed.

• • •

@disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @jxnehxpper @yllwtaxi @songofcosplay @potatopooper05 @cheesecakeisapie @robinsdolan @yall-wildin-like-siriusly @the_passionate_freak @bisexualpears @ilovebucketbarnes @random-thoughts-003

#Steve Harrington slow burn #steve x reader #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve

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fortunamuta · 4 years ago

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Pt.3 Devilman Crybaby Post (anime spoilers)

Alright so this is the last post and honestly i forgot to talk about the last episodes 7-10. Can u feel my depression while writing this, bro the sadness is never ending. I have become one with the mf void, and within it there is no self, no thoughts, no emotions just darkness.

Also TW alot of this stuff is extremely gory and dark (lots of horrible deaths that I may talk about, so tread lightly)

Lets just say things took a turn for the......first of all WTAF Homeskillet NOOOOOOOOOOO (if u haven’t read part 1 of this post homeskillet is Taro Makimura) HE ATE HIS FREAKING MOM, AND WHEN I TELL U I GAGGED AND FELT MY EYES TEARING UP. THAT WAS THE MOST TWISTED THING I EVER SAW AND THE DAD FOUND THEM. Basically the mom had taken Taro away from the family when she learned that he was a demon, also i thought he was a devilman but he didn’t win against the demon so he was taken over. But in the scene when he’s slowly eating his mother, and his dad is screaming why pointing a gun at his son, who he now realizes is his son. Taro’s demon begins to tear up making me believe that Taro was conscious but not in control of his actions. And thats when the tears begin to fall, and the dad was screaming and crying at how unfair the world was and how disgusting the sight in front of him was he couldn’t bring himself to shoot. So then the army guys who kill demons came and the dad begged them not to kill his son, but without hesitation they fired on dad and Taro, subsequently killing both. Akira tried to save them but was ultimately too late and ended up atleast grabbing the bodies and burying them.

The next scene in the episode shows Akira crying while on his knees infront of three graves (with crosses) on what looks like a hill. And I wondered if this was alluding to the three crosses who stood on Golgatha’s hill. This definetly marked a turning point for Akira and how he felt about Ryo. Anyway demons from everywhere popped up and tried to kill Akira at the instructions of Psycho Jenny, but then Miko saves him.

OH SCHNAPP I FORGOT TO TELL YALL Miko is a devilman and sis ate MY KING OF SPOKEN WORD and I think she ate her grandmother too. Anyway she really uses her new abilities to her advantage and wants to be better than Miki M. She later confesses that her jealousy and hate was just her inability to come to terms that she loved Miki and looked up to her, she didn’t like being outdone when she was used to being the best. Anyway she saves Akira from the demons trying to kill him. At this same moment Ryo is having a come to jesus moment (more like come to satan moment) he realizes that he is SATAN. I FUCKING KNEW IT. Anyway he goes on air, and stirs chaos by OUTING AKIRA. If i could throw hands and get my grandma to pray the mess outta that fool I would, damn he really didn’t have to do him like that so the whole worlds now knows that humans can become demons, so people begin to openly attack everybody. Anyway that public call out puts a target on Akira.

Akira and Miki have a moment where shes like even as a devilman he’s still the crybaby she’s always known and love. oh btw Miki now knows her parents are dead and so is her little brother. Let me tell u her screams of anguish THAT SHIT HURTED. Anyway The Spoken Word Squad is now friends with Miki because the main dude gotta crush on her, and THEY ARE SO MF LOYAL THE REAL MVP’S of THE SHOW. (except shorty he really played us) Anyway Akira goes to get answers and confront Ryo and u can see the betrayal on his face he truly still believed Ryo was trying to make the world a better place. Anyway a mob descends on the Makimura household and the Spoken Word Squad says to leave it to them. At this point I am bawling my eyes out, and i’m slowly being pulled apart by the void. Miko takes Miki on her back to try and escape from the mob but those hoes mad angry and for what reason, anyway before this Miki made a twitter post talking about how much she loved Akira i think in the familial since tho, and how even though he is a devilman he is still who he used to be and that the humans are capable of loving them even though they are different. He’s not the enemy they should be focusing on.

So as u may have guesses SPOKEN WORD SQUAD DIED, eversingle one of them, but not without being the baddest bitches every before going out. Seriously Homeslice with the dread had that crowbar and my boi was swinging and taking hoes out, but homie ended up getting over powered and visciously stabbed to death. The same happen to the dude who was crushing on Miki M basically there were just too many people(those people were the real monsters, giving into raw fear to tear into children like that)

Anyway Miko and Miki are making there escape and they end up on their old running path, and its really sad. A jeep comes out of nowhere and everybody a motherfucking automated weapons. And they continue shooting at Miko and Miki until they bring them down, Miko urges Miki to run and continue running until she’s safe and to leave her behind. Miki runs and then the show the screen with them as kids running and passing the baton. Miko passes Miki the baton signaling her death, then Miki continues to run with the baton she’s trying to catch up to Akira who in front of her but she can’t seem to and then someone in real life shoots her in the legs, but she keeps moving and finally she’s able to pass the baton to Akira. At this moment (not me tearing up as I write this) she is tackled by some guy who stabs her and she screams out, calling out for Akira. But he never makes it.

Akira goes to this place where humans have crucified other humans and there are throwing stuff at them. Akira comes and shields them, and cries out that if they should kill someone kill him. In the midst of his crying, a voice over of miki’s letter is played. And like in the bible a little child shall lead them, which a little boy goes up to Akira to hug his leg and other kids follow the mob stops throwing stuff and now some adults are coming up to Akira to apologize hugging him and crying and they help the people they had crucified. In the midst of this the demons convince Track Homie to betray Akira even though Akira was helping him. So he impales Akira with his horn thing, in the process trampling many of the humans who had been standing near, causing a panic. Demons come out of nowhere and Akira gets away.

Now Akira has made it back to Miki’s house after a big fight with Ryo promising to defeat the other. He gets there to find the house up in flames and a mob surrounding it all whooping and cheering. He focuses on the mob and almost throws up finding that Miki, Miko and the Spoken Word Squad had all been decapitated and amputated and their limbs where pushed down on spikes which were being lifted and waved around for all to see by the mob. In a fit of rage and sadness at the fact that humans had done this he releases a fiery blaze crisping the humans in the mob. He swiftly leaves and the final strand attaching him to Ryo breaks. In Ryo’s tranformation to satan they now are naked, full breast and genetalia on display with big white wings. Ryo tells Akira that he doesn’t want to fight him, he did all of this so they could be together. But Akira said he has enough spite and anger for both of then and charges, they have a midair battle and the demons back up Ryo, in the end other Devilman come to help Akira lending him limbs so that he may continue fighting sacrificing themselves.

The fight is long and sad, you can tell immediately that Akira is no match for Ryo. The scene changes to when they were younger as children, playing in the snow and going to hotsprings, exploring and just enjoying each others company. It shows just how pure and adorable Akira was and how Ryo always showed sign of not having any regards for life and believing that the weak deserved to die. Then it changes scenes to the baton passing scene showing the baton being passed from miko to miki then to akira and finally akira trying to pass the baton to Ryo but the baton keeps dropping between then, it happens several time until it drops one last time and the new scene is of the sky. Ryo’s voice is speaking to Akira as he stares at the sky, we see the side profile of Akira and his eyes are open but he’s not responding.

Ryo continues to speak about them as children, then the screen pans to the sky showing broken planets and the earth around them is destroyed all that remains are broken pieces and the heel they are on. No other signs of life. Ryo asks Akira a question, and believes him to just still be mad at him but then he touches his face and says he’s been so quiet. Finally he cries and he exclaims how he doesn’t understand these feeling and asks Akira what these feelings are.

Akira finally hands Ryo the baton.

The scene pans to show us Akira missing half of his body and dead. Ryo cries out to Akira pleading with him to say something, then he pleads that Akira not leave him alone. He continues to sob into Akira and plead to not be left alone as the screen moves further away from them, showing the actual destruction caused by their fight which basically destroyed the solar system.

So yeah, i am one with the void, devoid of emotions, thoughts, and feelings. I belong to the darkness, how tf am i supposed to feel after that. I-i just wanted Akira to be happy, but apparently that was too much to ask. Goddamn THE WHOLE MF SOLAR SYSTEM. I cried so hard my brother was actually worried about me, I had puffy red eyes and couldn’t stop my mf hiccups. and warning i do no cute cry, that shit was really ugly.

So yeah, I thought it was really good, definitely not for everybody though. Imma need to watch some Ouran Highschool Host Club. Also prayed with my grandma the other day for extra protection. But umm somebody please tell me what the relationship between Akira and Ryo because the end scene got me confused. I think it Ryo realizing his feeling for Akira because he didn’t want him to die and realized Akira had always been there for him. So this was def a wild ride, Miki was honeslty a pretty solid person except when she was modeling for that creepy dude. And then sis went to his house and asked for a shower, I was like sis are u DumbDDumbDDDDumb, luckily Akira was there because Ryo out here killing grandmas and was ready to kill Miki back then too.

Also FLY HIGH SPOKEN WORD SQUAD and MY KING OF SPOKEN WORD.

and Taro really was bestboi led astray.

My pain level is astronomical might as well be numb. 10/10 probably won’t watch again unless I need a good cry and psychological trauma. But it was really good all in all.

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btxtreads · 4 years ago

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ANOTHER TAG ASHJHJASD

extra long tag game (aka a tmi that no one particularly cares for)

tagged by @txthearteu

tagging @markhyucknorenminchenji @qtsoobin @beomberry @txtdiaries and other people who wanna do it idk

ONE

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

of course, none other than king943 hSJADJSAJHAS. He’s a little secret I’ll let you all in on: the first person I actually noticed in TXT was,,,,,,, Kang Taehyun hSDHJAHJSDAHSA but he wasn’t my bias. I just thought he was cute (also amused me bc my BTS bias was Taehyung and I found a guy named Taehyun cute), but I didn’t stan them then. I started stanning when I saw ONE DREAM.TXT where they talked to BTS and found them really cute and endearing. Looking into them, they were wild, and chaotic and so fun and also i got rEAAAALLY attached to Soobin. So here I am. There u go, my stanning story.

TWO

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

what’s your unrealistic goal for life?

becoming a famous actress or singer hJSHADJSA

if you had known that we would be in a global pandemic, what’s one thing that you would’ve done before things shut down (if they have for you)?

Went to a theme park. I miss going to theme parks 🥺

what’s an unconventional thing that you carry around with you when you go out?

hmmm most of the time i just go out with just my phone and money unless I need to bring a bag due to safety concerns/more items needed. So I’d say nothing unconventional.

favourite type of plushies and why?

God do I seem boring hsahsajjsa but i wasn’t too big on plushies. I had a gigantic teddy bear named Justin when I was a kid (it’s a bear with shades that my brother gave me) and I used to buy plushies whenever I’m in disneyland, it’s all in my sister’s reading lounge. The only plushie in my room now is a Mollang doll wearing like a blue shirt/dress, it’s my favorite rn It’s squishyyyy

favourite song right now?

right now, it’s Work It by Sabrina Carpenter.

something that you’ve always wanted to learn?

Dancing (i literally suck. i have no idea how. no joke), Vocal Lessons (had some lessons briefly for like a year but i stopped and want to take some again), music production, acting, hosting

tell a funny story about yourself (or just something that you’ve witnessed)

ok okok so one time in our class groupchat we were talking about class elections for officers. There were muse votes and some people were saying they want me to be the muse but i didnt want to bc i was busy with work. Then they started saying that they want me to be the muse and this guy that i rejected be the escort. while this is happening, i was simping hard for soobin in another chat. anyways, i got everything mixed up and accidentally sent the soobin simp stuff to the class chat and everyone thought i was simping for the classmate i rejected i was so asHAMED.

headphones or speakers? why?

speakers! idk i just like blastic the music loud.

craving any food right now? what are you craving?

anything with cheese

which music streaming platform do you prefer? why?

spotify since its free for me askjjksad someone pays for my subscription lmaooo

😌✌️

questions from cj to me:

android or apple? why?

APPLE because im loyal 😌 and i guess im just used to it so its easier to use for me + all my gadgets at home are mac

words of affirmation or physical affection? why?

I think there should be a good balance of both. The words will have the ability to give you this sense of comfort and satisfaction and you know just overall a peace of mind when you hear the right words??? and physical affection bc sometimes it’s just better to get a hug or a kiss isntead of talking yk? actions speak louder than words sometimes

bean bag or rocking chair? why?

Honestly, this would depend. If I’m reading a book and feeling very vintage with a hot cup of coffee, definitely a rocking chair. If I’m watching TV and basically just chilling I’d go for Bean Bag. I like maintaining the atmosphere.

do you view a half-filled glass as half-full or half-empty or an in-between? why? (go as deep as you can)

I view it as in-between, because there’s always room for improvement. There’s always things to change, and consider, and make better. There’s no such thing as perfect.

If someone were to grant your wish right now, what would it be and why?

Please stop corona right now and let everyone go back to their daily lives and please let me attend a TXT concert bls im begging on my kNEES

if someone were to give you anything you want right now, what would it be and why? (something that can be held)

Give me Soobin I just want to give him a hug. this is valid i can hold him

favorite season and why

Winter! Even if I’ve never experienced snow or winter before, the whole idea of snow is just really fun and endearing to me. One of my bucketlists is to see snow in real life. I think it has to do with the fact that I’ve always been this person to prefer the cold over heat.

what made you enter tumblr?

I’ve always been here! Just not in kpop tumblr. I’ve since deleted my old accounts and shame but i came back to write. It’s always been so stress-relieving to me, to write without any expectations on my back because I’m thinking about grades or a competition. Also Soobin simping is a daily thing and I gotta release it somewhere man

are you happy with where you are in life right now? why or why not?

Yes. I may not be the richest or the prettiest, or smartest or whatever, but I have a good family that loves me. I have good friends that support me and I have TXT and BTS to help me cope when things get overwhelming. I have a job that gives me a little bit of income (it’s not too common for college students here to get jobs like in the US, most of them just focus on acads) and all the means to continue my education amidst the pandemic. So really, I’m grateful for where I am now.

to see the boys in real life but for it to happen only once in your lifetime, or to meet the boys via online fan meeting as many times as you can in your lifetime? why?

Why do you have to do me dirty cj,,,,, prolly online. I may not get to hug them or anything but I get to talk to them still. As may times as I want to. And as a girl whose sanity literally just depends on Soobin giggles rn it’ll be very therapeutic to me to see them and talk to them as much as I could, even just through a screen.

QUESTIONS FROM ME TO YOU:

Cinema or Netflix? Why?

Fire or Rain? Why?

What’s the worst experience you’ve had as a KPOP stan?

How do you handle stress?

Favorite Disney Princess and why?

Which fictional character do you say you relate the most to?

How did you get into KPOP?

What kind of merch you got 👀

Would you date a KPOP idol? What would you do if you do date one? (doesnt have to be your bias, just wanna see what y’all would do)

Would you rather be with someone you love but doesn’t love you back or be with someone that loves yu but you don’t love them back? (Or, as the Filipinos would say, Mahal ko o Mahal Ako)

THREE

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

FOUR

PERSONAL

name: -

nickname: rina

birthday: -

zodiac: gemini

nationality: filipino

languages: english, filipino

gender: female

sexuality: straight

height: 5′2 like 2 years ago, i probably grew like an inch or two

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: --

meaning behind my url: bts and txt fanfics to read hasjhsahj

blog established: ,,,,, i cant remember askjjksdjkdsa but the blog is only a few months old!

followers: 384!!! love yall

FAVORITES

favourite animals: b u n n y y y y y

favourite books: CAMP HALF BLOOD SERIES BY RICK RIORDAN IM ZEUS’ DAUGHTER YALL

favourite colour: black, blue, purple

favourite fictional characters: Percy Jackson, Jaron from Ascendance Trilogy, Chimmy!!! hihi

favourite flower: white roses

favourite scent: coffee

favourite season: winter

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: 3-5 or 8-10.

cats or dogs: dogs because cats scare me

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: coffee!!! especially if it’s iced and sweet

current time: 12:21 AM

dream trip: California. Look I have the visa, pls miss rona. just leave so cali can just let me IN

dream job: actress or singer

hobbies: writing, reading, watching crackvids

hogwarts house: gryffindor

last movie watched: Work It (bc it has sabrina carpenter ahshsahsa i have low standards when we talk about Sabrina)

last song listened to: Helpless - Hamilton OBC

no. of blankets you sleep with: 1

random fact(s): if given the chance again, I would go on a date in high school. Also try to exert more effort in my appearance back then i looked like an honest to god M E S S (tbh i still do but now i have eyebrow liner on) hsajhsajhh

FIVE

10 things I can’t stop listening to (at the moment)

Run Away - TXT

Work It - Sabrina Carpenter

Euphoria - BTS

Song Cry - Yeonjun

Helpless - Hamilton OBC

Satisfied - Hamilton OBC

Journey to the past - Anastasia OBC

Lost in the Woods - Frozen OST

Perfect Song - Sabrina Carpenter

Friends - BTS

#tags #tagging #tagged yet again #sadjkjksdajad #what a mess #im so basic wtf

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rouge-the-bat · 4 years ago

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OOPS I HAD STARTED THIS THEN SAVED AS A DRAFT TO FINISH LATER BUT THEN FORGOT SO ITS. BEEN A BIT SINCE I WAS ACTUALLY TAGGED FOR THIS LMAO

ANYWAYS i was tagged by @skayforrest :'33

Rules: Please make your own text post when answering these to avoid long posts. Highlight/bold what applies to you!

for me to make it easier for me to read im going for:

bold: definitely me :3

italics: kinda me!

strikethrough: not me at All

(subscript parenthesis): my comments! (bc im very rambly lol)

also changing // between different phrases to ♡♡ to make it easier for me to distinguish between phrases too owo

♡ Appearance ♡

I am over 5’5 ♡♡ I wear glasses/contacts ♡♡ I have blonde hair ♡♡ I prefer loose clothing over tight clothing ♡♡ I have one or more piercings (my ears!) ♡♡ I have at least one tattoo (i want to get one of a drawing ive made soon tho!) ♡♡ I have blue eyes ♡♡ I have dyed or highlighted my hair (its p much back to normal now tho- and i want to dye it pink someday) ♡♡ I have gotten plastic surgery ♡♡ I have or had braces ♡♡ I sunburn easily ♡♡ I have freckles ♡♡ I paint my nails (not super often but i have fun doing it occasionally owo!) ♡♡ I typically wear makeup (i rarely do and usually its just lispstick, with maybe eyshadow and/or eyeliner) ♡♡ I don’t often smile (i can be really smiley sometimes but i dont interact with others much (esp irl) so i tend to not emote a whole lot) ♡♡ I am pleased with how I look (im cute round n chubby!!) ♡♡ I prefer nike to adidas (i literally dont care) ♡♡ I wear baseball caps backwards

♡ Hobbies & Interests ♡

I play a sport (i play... wii sports and real life bowling sometimes at most :'3) ♡♡ I can play an instrument (its been a really long time but i learned clarinet from school band) ♡♡ I am artistic ♡♡ I know more than one language (id like to learn some tho, like japanese, french, and/or korean maybe?) ♡♡ I have won a trophy in some sort of competition (never a Literal trophy :O) ♡♡ I can cook or bake without a recipe ♡♡ I know how to swim ♡♡ I enjoy writing (i like to but school has made me anxious anytime i try now ;w;) ♡♡ I can do origami ♡♡ I prefer movies to tv shows ♡♡ I can execute a perfect somersault ♡♡ I enjoy singing (exclusively for singing along, i dont really ever sing on my own lol) ♡♡ I could survive in the wild on my own ♡♡ I have read a new book series this year ♡♡ I enjoy spending time with my friends (who wouldnt!! esp with my friends, theyre amazing :'3) ♡♡ I travel during school or work breaks (id like to travel more..) ♡♡ I can do a handstand

♡ Relationships ♡

I am in a relationship (my girlfriend is so wonderful 🥰) ♡♡ I have been single for over a year (been dating my gf for almost 2 full years now!) ♡♡ I have a crush (fictional crushes count right? bc i have a million of those lol) ♡♡ I have a best friend I have known for ten years ♡♡ My parents are together ♡♡ I have hooked up with my best friend (thats meaning sexual right? bc im sex repulsed and so is my gf whos my best friend so, absolutely not lol) ♡♡ I am adopted ♡♡ My crush has confessed to me (im p much always the first to confess lol) ♡♡ I have had a long-distance relationship (hopefully someday tho it wont be long distance :'3) ♡♡ I am an only child (dear god no i have. 1 full brother, 3 half brothers, 1 half sister, and 2 or 3 step brothers gjkxjfk) ♡♡ I give advice to my friends (im not the best with advice but i try when i can!!) ♡♡ I have made an online friend (all of my current friends are online!) ♡♡ I met up with someone I have met online (GOD I WISH)

♡ Aesthetics ♡

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell ♡♡ I have watched the sunrise (many times, after being awake all night bc im p mych nocturnal lol) ♡♡ I enjoy rainy days (god i love rain so much) ♡♡ I have slept under the stars (iirc im p sure ive slept in a tent for going camping before ??? but my memory sucks so im not sure if that happened or i just always wanted to gjkdjg) ♡♡ I meditate outside (maybe i should try that sometime..) ♡♡ The sound of chirping calms me ♡♡ I enjoy the smell of the beach (ive been to a beach just a couple times.. i dont remember what it smelled like) ♡♡ I know what snow tastes like (i eat snow EVERY time it snows here, esp to make snow cream) ♡♡ I listen to music to fall asleep (on occasion! always instrumental stuff, sometimes meant for relaxing or sometimes just a comfort song from a game i love) ♡♡ I enjoy thunderstorms ♡♡ I enjoy cloud watching ♡♡ I have attended a bonfire ♡♡ I pay close attention to colors (ofc ! i love colors and graphic design is my passion- but like Actually, im not quoting the meme lol) ♡♡ I find mystery in the ocean ♡♡ I enjoy hiking on nature paths (would REALLY need to be in the mood for it) ♡♡ Autumn is my favourite season (close ! i love the chilly air and aesthetic of autumn as well, but winter is my ultimate comfort season <3)

♡ Miscellaneous ♡

I can fall asleep in moving vehicles ♡♡ I am the mom friend (mom friend mode can activate on Occasion, but usually im silly bastard friend) ♡♡ I am involved in extracurricular activities (im not in school) ♡♡ I enjoy mexican food ♡♡ I can drive a stick-shift (i still havent learned how to drive yet owo;;) ♡♡ I believe in true love (probably not in a typical sense?) ♡♡ I make up scenarios to fall asleep (oh no, i make up scenarios constantly in my head throughout the day, i get way too invested in them so they usually keep me up if i think about them when trying to sleep) ♡♡ I sing in the shower ♡♡ I wish I lived in a superhero movie (i def wanna live in some fictional worlds, but superhero movies arent things im usually into) ♡♡ I have a canopy above my bed ♡♡ I am multiracial (im not super familiar with my ancestry rn, so idk. would like to know sometime tho) ♡♡ I am a redhead ♡♡ I own at least 3 dogs/cats (rn i have 2 dogs and 3 cats!)

and uhhh ill tag @spiiderbiites @miphelda @kipokin @queerplyke @ameila if yall wanna do it :3? (if yalld like i can go thru n supply a version of this without all of my font edits and comments!) AH WHOOPS I GOT A URL MESSED UP BUT XENOLEAF U CAN DO TOO IF U WANT

#starry asks #uh not exactly an ask but ill use that tag for tag games like this #ive been tagged in a few of these kinda posts so im trying to catch up rn !!

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musicaltheatrewannabe · 5 years ago

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snow - a seblos oneshot <3

hope yall had a merry christmas - i am back with another seblos fic bc i cant get enough of them, so here we have them as boyfriends building a snowman and cute shenanigans ensue, enjoy!

Carlos put his feet up on the couch and yawned. It was the morning of December 26th and all of the Christmas excitement in his house from the day before had worn off, leaving his family scattered around doing nothing. For one thing, it wasn’t snowing anymore, and the non-stop snowfall of the day before had made it a magical white Christmas. Carlos got out his phone and scrolled mindlessly through the multitude of Christmas - and the handful of Hanukkah - posts on Instagram, smiling at all of his friends’ pictures. He was so glad that the production of High School Musical that semester had given him not only the opportunity to work as a choreographer, but also his first real group of friends. And then there was Seb, his boyfriend. Carlos smiled at the thought of the blonde musical theatre farmboy. He was still getting used to them being boyfriends, but with every day that they spent together it sunk in a little more. Carlos navigated back to Seb’s account and was looking at his family Christmas post just a little longer when he received a text from him: hey babe! happy boxing day lol:)

Carlos felt his heart flutter at being called “babe” and replied: happy boxing day to you too! you doing anything interesting to celebrate? ahaha.

Seb’s reply came immediately: not really - everyone has kind of disappeared to their own corners of the house…

Carlos stretched his back and sat up a bit on the couch before replying: honestly same, idk how my house went from the chaos it was last night to being completely deserted.

Seb wrote back again: well, if you’re not doing anything, do you wanna come over? the snow is so pretty here on the farm!

Carlos already started getting off the couch as he typed out his reply: yes pls, ok ill be there soon!

Soon enough Carlos had put on a scarf, hat and gloves, and had gotten one of his older cousins to drive him to Seb’s farm. He rang the doorbell eagerly, filled with the nervous energy that he got every time he saw Seb. Carlos heard footsteps thundering down the stairs and smiled at the fact that Seb was running to get the door. A few moments later, it swung open to reveal Seb grinning out at Carlos. “Hi!” he said, and leaned in to give Carlos a peck.

Carlos blushed at the kiss and said, “hey, what’s up?” He walked inside after Seb and started to take off his coat and hat when the other boy turned to grab his arms.

“Well, I’ve honestly just been hanging around so far, but I was thinking we could head out back and, I don’t know, like, make a snowman? Or something?” Seb looked hopefully at Carlos.

Carlos shrugged his coat back on with an eager grin, “yes, that sounds super fun!”

“Ok, great! Let me just put on my coat and boots,” Seb reached into his hall closet to get his winter clothes, including a long knitted rainbow scarf.

“Is that a homemade scarf?” Carlos asked. “Because it’s very cute,” he nodded his approval.

Seb grinned and wrapped it around his neck. “My grandma knitted it and gave it to me for Christmas,” he said, “it’s really cute, she’s been trying so hard to show her acceptance of me being gay ever since I came out to her last year.” Seb closed the closet and walked Carlos through the living room to the house’s back door.

“That’s so sweet, did you manage to fit your entire extended family in here last night?” Carlos asked, trying to imagine dozens of relatives filling the space.

“Don’t ask me how,” Seb laughed, opening the door and stepping out onto the porch. “Between my extended family and the farm animals, there was a lot of chaotic energy here last night.”

Carlos reached out to hold Seb’s hand as they looked out at the untouched snow beyond the porch. “Well, it’s very peaceful now,” he said, leaning his head onto Seb’s shoulder.

Seb took a deep breath and basked in the silence for all of three seconds before yelling, “not for long!” and running off the porch out into the snow.

Carlos laughed and followed suit, trying for fun to step exclusively in the footprints that Seb had made. “You’re such an idiot!” he called after his boyfriend, who was already gathering up snow into a large pile. When Carlos caught up to Seb, he started helping to build the base of the snowman.

They quickly finished the first layer, though that one was the easiest. Seb tried to make a small snowball and roll it around to accumulate more snow for the second layer, but it kept falling apart when it was only half the size that they wanted. When Seb kept failing, Carlos said, “here, watch and learn,” and tried as well, but his snow wouldn’t stick together either.

“You were saying?” Seb smirked and raised an eyebrow at Carlos, who shot him a glare in return.

“Hey, this has always worked for me before, okay?” Carlos countered, playfully hitting Seb on the arm. Seb feigned shock and knelt back down to the ground, forming a snowball again. “What are you doing, honey, it’s not just gonna work all of a sudden-�� Carlos’ sentence was cut off when Seb looked up at him with a mischievous grin and threw the snowball at him.

“Seems like that one worked,” Seb giggled.

Carlos raised his eyebrows at Seb and calmly said, “oh, I see, we’re doing this?” He dropped down to the ground to start making several snowballs, and a look of worry crossed Seb’s face.

“Uh oh…” Seb trailed off, running away from Carlos and the house. He stopped behind a tree and started making his own set of snowballs there, ready to retaliate when Carlos would attack. Seb took a quick peek back around the tree and was immediately met by a snowball to the chest and Carlos running toward him.

“How are your reflexes so fast, what the hell?” Seb laughed, throwing a few snowballs at the quickly-approaching Carlos.

“Ten years of dance training!” Carlos shouted back with a grin and a pirouette. Before he could reach the blonde boy, he dropped his last snowball and stopped to make a new one.

Seb took this as his opportunity to get away and ran in the opposite direction, frantically looking back to see Carlos hot on his trail. “No!” he shrieked and laughed as Carlos hit him right in the center of his back. Seb dramatically dropped to his knees and fell into the snow, turning around so he was on his back.

Carlos stood over him with a triumphant grin. “Do you accept defeat?” he asked.

Seb nodded and held out his hand. “Help me up?” he asked, looking up at Carlos with puppy dog eyes.

Carlos rolled his eyes and laughed, grabbing Seb’s hand. “You shouldn’t have dropped to the floor,” he tried to pull but Seb wouldn’t get up, and instead pulled Carlos to the ground with him.

Carlos let out a shriek but landed gracefully before laying his head carefully back into the snow. Seb laughed and turned to his boyfriend, his face softening into a smile, before looking back up at the clear blue sky again. He stretched out his arms and started sliding them up and down, along with his legs. “Look, a snow angel!” Seb turned his head to Carlos and beamed at him.

Carlos smiled fondly and softly said, “you’re a snow angel,” before blushing madly. “Oh my God that was so cheesy I’m sorry,” he laughed, and Seb giggled.

Seb stopped making the snow angel and shuffled closer so he could wrap an arm around Carlos. “No, I think it’s cute when you say stuff like that,” he chuckled. “It shows that you’re comfortable around me,” he said softly and nuzzled Carlos’ nose with his own.

Carlos stared back at Seb in awe and wrapped his arm around his neck. “Yeah, I guess I am,” he smiled, their faces still nearly touching. Barely needing to move, he leaned in to kiss Seb, slowly and gently. Seb’s arm tightened around Carlos’ back and then his hand started tracing patterns over the other boy’s coat. Carlos played with the hair at the nape of Seb’s neck in response, eliciting a contented sigh. They pulled apart and locked eyes again, not needing any words to express what they were feeling. Carlos leaned back into the snow again and his eyes drifted shut. Maybe it was just the cold, or maybe it was the way that he could feel Seb there without seeing him, but he felt the need to take in the moment, and Seb did the same.

After they had laid in the snow a few minutes longer, both boys started to really process the cold and got up to wander back to their unfinished snowman.

“Let’s try together,” Seb suggested regarding their previous failed attempts at making the second layer. Instead of just rolling a regular snowball around, they placed one on the first layer and packed snow onto it, and it stuck together.

“Nice!” Carlos high-fived Seb when they got the second layer to stay in place. They quickly managed to make the snowman’s head as well.

“I’ll go get some pebbles - can you find a few twigs for the arms back at my tree?” Seb asked with a chuckle.

Carlos picked out two pretty even sticks to be the arms and returned to find Seb giving their snowman pebble eyes, a nose and a mouth. Carlos nodded approvingly and stared at the snowman contemplating how to stick in the arms, earning a laugh from Seb.

Finally he stuck the twigs into the snowman so that they were sticking up, twig hands in the air. “Now we can call him Bob Fosse, what do you think?” Carlos grinned at Seb.

“Sounds about right,” Seb laughed, taking off his hat to put it on Fosse’s head.

“And for the finishing touch,” Carlos said and dramatically put his scarf around the snowman. He stepped back to look proudly at Fosse and took a picture of him.

“You know what? I’m very impressed with our creation!” Seb beamed at Carlos, their gazes lingering on each other. Seb noticed Carlos shiver and his expression turned to one of concern. “You don’t have a scarf anymore!”

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m fine,” Carlos said, his teeth chattering.

“No no, it’s cold! Here, we can share mine,” Seb unwrapped his long rainbow scarf and looped it around Carlos’ neck, pulling him closer and wrapping it around his own neck as well. Both boys laughed at the impracticality of it but Seb just put his arms around Carlos and said, “see?”

Carlos couldn’t help but smile as he glanced up at Seb’s head. “And you don’t have a hat anymore, which means I get to do this,” he grinned as he ran his fingers through Seb’s hair.

The blonde boy thought about protesting in the name of not messing up his hair, but then he realized that he’d already laid in the snow, and besides, it felt really nice. “I won’t complain this time,” he sighed, his eyes fluttering shut at the sensation.

“So the truth comes out, huh?” Carlos chuckled and dropped his hands back down, earning a pout from his boyfriend. Seb tightened the scarf around their necks to bring them closer to each other and crashed their lips together. Carlos was momentarily startled by the action but his eyes squeezed shut and he reacted quickly. His hands flew back up to Seb’s head, running through his hair, and Carlos felt Seb smile into the kiss. He pulled away but placed tons of little kisses over Seb’s cheeks and jaw, earning a small giggle, before returning to his lips. Seb finally pulled away for good and nuzzled his face into Carlos’ neck.

They rested there peacefully for a moment before Seb’s little sister ran out onto the porch and yelled, “Sebby! Can you make us hot chocolate?!!” The boys rolled their eyes with a sigh and laughed.

Seb unwrapped the scarf, leaving it around Carlos’ neck, and took his hand to walk back inside. Seb couldn’t help but kiss Carlos on the cheek right before they walked in. “You just look so cute in my scarf,” he said with an unapologetic smile.

After making hot chocolate for all of the kids, the boys were cleaning up in the kitchen. “You know,” Seb said, turning to Carlos, “we should make this our new Boxing Day tradition, since neither of us had one.”

Carlos smiled and raised his eyebrows at Seb. “Oh yeah? That could work… Which part?”

Seb bit his lip and grinned, wrapping an arm around Carlos’ waist and whispering into his ear, “all of it?”

#hsmtmts #seblos #carlos #frankie rodriguez #seb matthew smith #joe serafini #they love each other #so much #snow angels

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calliefm · 5 years ago

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( sydney sweeney, cisfemale ) hey ! have you seen CALLIOPE ‘ CALLIE ’ MACDERMOT around ? SHE works at the HOT COCOA STAND at big bear resort, but they must be off their shift by now. well, if you do see them can you let me know ? they’re 22 years old & they’ve been working here for ONE YEAR. they tend to be +CREATIVE & +SELFESS, but can also be -LAZY & -IRRESPONSIBLE. the other employees have labeled them THE MALINGERER. thanks a lot ! ( oversize hoodies, first sip of coffee , cold side of the pillow , high ponytail , winterfresh gum, & smell of paint )

hey folks ! i’m very excited to get this group going, i’m a big sucker for simple plots and it’s my favorite season ! i apologize in advance for callie though ! i’m 𝑠𝑖𝑚𝑟𝑎𝑛 by the way ! i’m 𝑡𝑤𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑦𝑜𝑛𝑒 years old and i go by the 𝑠ℎ𝑒/ℎ𝑒𝑟 pronouns ! i can’t wait to meet everyone and get this lil group going !

i formally introduce to you — 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘤𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘰𝘵, big bear’s 𝚕𝚘𝚌𝚊𝚕 𝚒𝚍𝚒𝚘𝚝 !

𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

𝘽 𝘼 𝘾 𝙆 𝙂 𝙍 𝙊 𝙐 𝙉 𝘿

callie macdermot was born in boulder, co to jennifer baker and james o’connell. here’s the catch... jennifer was a freshmen in university when she became pregnant with callie. jennifer took the year off when she found out, not telling her mother and working many side jobs to keep her small flat with her boyfriend ( james ). they thought they were going to keep the baby and live this happy life, but jennifer began to wonder if they were able to even take care of the child. this was what caused problems in their relationship and it honestly became pretty toxic. by her third trimester, jennifer and james were on and off a lot. it was off when callie was born. by that time, james wasn’t there to convince jennifer to keep the child so the papers were signed and callie was put up for adoption !

it was only a month until callie was adopted by a loving family in big bear. her parents were officially emma and benjamin macdermot. emma and benjamin had been struggling to conceive, and officially made the decision to adopt a baby around the time callie was born ( kinda perfect right ? ). her parents were pretty well known around town. they were also high school sweethearts, went to college together, and graduated together. her mother works as a primary teacher and her dad is a head chef at a restaurant on the outskirts of town.

it was a pretty picture perfect life for callie. she loved her parents and they loved her, even through her being a complete terror growing up. callie was a ball of energy when she was young. she was constantly bouncing off the walls, asking questions, getting into slight trouble, and all that ! as annoying as she got... she was adorable and she had an ebullient smile that was irresistible.

she wasn’t used to change. everyone was always just there for her. she lived in the same house her whole life. she walked the same streets everyday. she saw the same faces on the street. she hung out with the same group of friends since kindergarten. but stuff started to change when the beginning of year 9 when her friend sat her down and decided to let her know that they don’t want to hang out with callie anymore. there was no explanation for it, it was just petty teenage drama, but it oddly broke callie for the time being.

her friend group had been with her for such a long time, it sort of shaped her personality. but, by the end of year 9, she realized who she was with them wasn’t her. she didn’t want to wear skirts to school, she didn’t like to gossip or constantly talk about boys, she didn’t want to wear an insane amount of bronzer on her face. so ! after the break, callie 2.0 made her very first appearance — with a big sweater, comfortable jeans, glasses snugged on her nose, and a bright face ready to just do her.

with her new persona, you’ll easily learn she’s pretty lazy. she will fall asleep on the stairs if she’s too tired to climb up the stairs to go to bed. she’s fallen asleep on the easel while she began to take up a new hobby ( art ! ) but callie is also insanely bright ! she has pulled straight a’s throughout high school career and had taken an interest in the brain. she’s literally taken all the brain cells yall... blame callie

when it came to choosing an university, she knew she didn’t want to go too far from big bear because she definitely would have separation anxiety from her parents. the decision came down to picking the best financial route and big bear community college was it ! she decided to go with a biology major her first year, but after taking a psychology course, she quickly switched over to a psychology major after her first year.

𝙍 𝙄 𝙂 𝙃 𝙏 𝙉 𝙊 𝙒

she’s currently a junior and still a psych major ! she lives in an apartment near the resort and also the community college ! her parents don’t live too far, and since she adores them you know she’ll be making constant visits ! she definitely cooks for every hang out because she picked up a few things from papa chef ! and atm she’s thinking about picking up an art major since she’s been really into it lately !

she works at the hot cocoa stand in the snow bowl ! she’s constantly making new flavors and such so feel free to stop by the stand to try her concoction !

𝙋 𝙀 𝙍 𝙎 𝙊 𝙉 𝘼 𝙇 𝙄 𝙏 𝙔

let me start off by saying that she’s probably the sleepiest person you’ll ever meet ! if you don’t know where she is, you’ll figure that she’s in her room catching some zs. callie is also very lazy and will ask you to give her the remote even though it’s two feet away. when she’s down for it, callie definitely knows how to have a good time, you just gotta drag her out of her room to get that slakfjds

and even though she’s insanely book smart, i can assure you she’s one of the biggest idiots you’ll ever meet. she’s do the dumbest shit like almost burn down the kitchen bc she forgot to put water in her mac n cheese n left the stove on

is weed allowed to be a personality trait too ? because that’s a thing with callie ! she is almost constantly high it’s kinda bad, but she’s not annoying about it ! some people probably doesn’t even know she smokes weed because even without it she’s just ... like that

𝙍 𝘼 𝙉 𝘿 𝙊 𝙈 𝙁 𝘼 𝘾 𝙏 𝙎

callie works at the big bear resort at the hot cocoa stand ! she does a lot of dumb shit there so enjoy her stories and often leaves the stand unattended when it’s not too busy ! if your chara works on the slopes, i can assure you she’ll throw at least one snowball at them a day

she tends to make those really tiny paintings and gives them to her friends and random people on the street

someone tell her to buy a new pair of converse because she’s had the same pair since year 10

she’s addicted to getting small pointless, but cute tattoos

she has never opened a wine bottle normally. she has a little game with herself where each time she opens a bottle, she has to try opening it with a new object ( a key, knife, spoon, lighter, shoe, etc )

she’s REALLY good at procrastinating. her best works comes out with 5 cups of coffee and at 5 am the morning it’s due

callie has never lost a game of rock paper scissors and she literally bought herself a trophy for it

she makes an insanely good alcoholic hot chocolate and will only make it for someone if it’s their birthday or they practically beg her

she had no idea how to put on makeup, she always has a friend do it for her when they’re going out oR she’ll have a ugly eyeliner and unblended foundation

stays up allllll night listening to true crime podcasts or watching paranormal youtube videos! and she really believes in aliens

she’s broken her glasses at least 5 times in the past year but she doesnt like contacts because she’s too scared to try to touch her eye, so when u see her without her glasses you’ll know she definitely cant see

she visits her parents every other week or so because (1) she misses them and (2) she needs to do laundry and her mom or dad will 10/10 do it for her because she’s baby ! but she really does miss them often and will randomly go to her home to just sit with them

i think that’s all i can say for now folks ! if you made it to the end, i love you so much ! here’s coupons for michael’s craft store in return !

#bigbearintro #weed tw

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