#Also why is the art for after chapter 14 so bad ?

[starlight---starbrights]

Magic kitten fanart

[odyssean-flower]

The Winding Path of Fate Chapter 14 - The Art of Pretending

Masterpost

Pairing: Neuvillette x Female Reader Summary: You and Neuvillette prepare for the meeting with F

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Have a pic of Neuvillette standing on ichor

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By the next day, your ankle was mostly healed, although it still felt a little tender when you placed too much pressure on it. You spent most of the day sitting at home, brooding over the impending meeting.

One big issue kept popping up over and over again: the very likely possibility that Furina would see your marriage for the sham it was.

Neuvillette had assured you that it would be quite difficult for her to force a divorce, but you doubted that she would be pleased either way. Suppose she decides to reveal our marriage to the whole world…I don’t think I can handle that.

You were not one to take interest in celebrity gossip, but whenever a scandal occurred, even you found it difficult to avoid the bold headlines on the front pages and the endless discussions around you. You could only imagine how much worse it would get when the news came out that the aloof Chief Justice was in a secret marriage.

You tried not to think of such things, but these pessimistic thoughts kept buzzing around your head like annoying mosquitoes. You found yourself slowly counting down the hours until Neuvillette returned. You needed his calming presence right about now.

And, there was another reason why you were eagerly waiting for him...

“So, how do I look?”

You stood before Neuvillette in the new outfit you were going to wear for tomorrow’s meeting. He was once again sitting in your room, his legs crossed and his hands clasped in his lap. He had seemed oddly enthusiastic when you asked him to come to your room so you could model the outfit for him, but there was no trace of that excitement now as he surveyed you from top to bottom.

When he didn’t say anything after a few moments, you began to get nervous. It occurred to you just then that you ought to have done a twirl or something, but your legs seemed to be transfixed in place by his scrutinizing gaze. You could almost feel his gaze physically, like a gentle breeze, as it traveled from the delicate lace at your collar to the white sash that encircled your waist to the flared lavender skirt that reached all the way to your knees. The dress had caught your eye as soon as you entered the shop, and the others immediately agreed that it looked perfect on you (though they also seemed under the impression that you had chosen it because the color was the same shade as Neuvillette’s eyes, which had only occurred to you as a fleeting thought, no more than that). It was the kind of dress you’d wear to a tea party—not too formal, but nothing overly casual either.

Oh…does he not like it? You inspected his expression, but detected no trace of dislike there. At least, you didn’t think there was. You had lived with Neuvillette for a few months now and thought you were becoming quite adept at reading his face, but it was still difficult at times. Maybe I should change into something else…no, wait. Why does it matter if he likes it or not? It’s a meeting, not a date or anything like that. And even if it was a date, why should I care if he doesn’t like my dress? Gah…

Oblivious to your internal turmoil and your sweaty palms, Neuvillette crossed his legs again and tilted his head to the side. His gaze was now resting on your face. You felt heat creep up your neck and willed it to stay out of your cheeks.

“My apologies for not saying anything right away. I was simply caught off guard by how different you look. Not in a bad way, I assure you. Far from it.” he added the last part quickly, and then smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. It lit up his whole face and made him look different somehow. More approachable…more human. It sent a nervous flutter through your stomach. But it was nothing compared to what his next words did to you. “You look like a Pluie Lotus come to life.”

Now you definitely felt the heat in your face, and you awkwardly looked down to hide it. Your hair hid him from view, but you could have sworn you heard a sharp exhale from him, sounding almost like a laugh. You quickly looked up, ready to glare at him, but his face was as impassive as ever, except for the mirthful light dancing in his eyes. Hmph. He’s quick.

“…Pluie Lotuses, huh. They’re very pretty flowers,” you said.

“Indeed they are. As are you.”

You stared at him, and he looked back at you with a steady gaze. Your fingers twitched a little.

“Thank you. That’s very kind of you,” you said at last, because you weren’t sure what to say or do. It was rare for you to get compliments on your appearance. You decided to stare at the wall behind Neuvillette.

“Why thank me? It is the truth. Besides, I am only reciprocating your words to me back on our date.”

“Oh…that.” Thinking back on it now, you could only cringe at your behavior from that time. Something must have been in the air on that boat ride. “I suppose we’re even, then.”

Neuvillette simply made a “Hmm” sound and sipped from his cup, his eyes lingering on you over the rim of his cup. Do I really look that different? You wondered.

You sat down on the chair facing Neuvillette, ready to get down to business. “Neuvillette, we should think of what to say to Lady Furina tomorrow. Has she given you any hints as to what she will ask us?”

Perhaps you should have prepared a notebook or flashcards.

“No, she has not.”

“What about for your past relationships, then? What did she ask before?”

Neuvillette blinked at you in confusion. “What do you mean, Madame?”

“Haven’t you ever brought your past lovers to meet her?”

As Neuvillette continued to stare at you as though you had just spoken an incomprehensible language, you began to wonder if you had overstepped your bounds. You probably had. But just as you opened your mouth to tell him to forget about it, he spoke.

“I have not. You’re the first person I’ve done this with,” he said flatly.

Now it was your turn to blink in surprise. “Really?”

“Yes.”

“Huh…” you were taken aback, but thinking about it a bit more, why would Neuvillette bring his past paramours to meet the Archon? It wasn’t as though he needed her permission to date anyone, and a lover was on a different level than a spouse. “I see,” you nodded to yourself, convinced and completely oblivious to the frown tugging at the corners of Neuvillette’s lips.

“Are you worried about tomorrow? There is no need to be. As I’ve said before, there is very little Furina can do to interfere with our marriage, and besides,” he paused here and glanced down at your hands, which you only realized just then were tightly clenched into fists. He reached out and covered them with his own hands, his fingers gently prying yours loose. “You will not be alone. I will be with you. Furina may seem intimidating in front of a large crowd, but you’ll find that she is quite different in more intimate settings.”

“Easy for you to say. You’re used to dealing with her,” you muttered, but you did feel your heart lighten a little bit by the steady weight of Neuvillette’s hands. It was difficult to feel too worried when you were with him. All the troubles in the world seemed to dissipate in his presence. “But still…”

“What is it, Madame? Tell me your worries.”

“It’s just…wouldn’t Lady Furina take issue with the fact that you got married so quickly and secretly, and to someone like me who’s barely known in society? You aren’t exactly known for making hasty decisions like that. She might have questions about that.”

It was possible that Furina didn’t know you and Neuvillette had only known each other for a month before marrying, but it was better to not assume.

“I am under the impression that it is not unusual for people to marry after a short period of courting. That is what I observed, at least. And you may not know this, Madame, but secret marriages are not as uncommon as you might think, particularly among the nobility.”

“Mm, I suppose you do have a point…” Maybe you were overthinking this. A marriage was a marriage, no matter how suddenly occurred. Neuvillette was asked to find a spouse, which he had properly accomplished. Furina might have her complaints about the way it happened, but she couldn’t deny the legitimacy of the marriage.

“It is not something for you to worry about. Leave all the explanations to me. After all, it was I who proposed to you. I was the one who dragged you into this situation in the first place.” Neuvillette’s hands did not leave yours, and you made no move to pull your hands away. “I do not believe it would be a long meeting, so we should have ample time for shopping afterward.”

“Mm…I hope you’re right,” you fidgeted a little in your chair. Everything Neuvillette said was logical and correct. You couldn’t find any holes in his argument. But then there was the elephant in the room…

“There is something else bothering you.” Neuvillette’s tone wasn’t a questioning one. “Tell me.”

“Would we not have to…pretend to be in love in front of Lady Furina?”

Neuvillette stared at you for a long moment. Oh, so it hasn’t occurred to him at all.

“Could you…elaborate on that?” he said at last.

“Well…” you inwardly cursed yourself for bringing it up. “Lady Furina knows that we’re married, so she probably expects us to have some degree of romantic feelings for each other. And also, it is generally believed that people who have a quick wedding in secret have, um, an excess of such feelings, so I was thinking that it would be more convincing if we displayed affection for each other.”

“I do not understand why we must convince anyone of our marriage. It was officially registered, witnessed, and known to everyone who needed to know. In my opinion, that is enough, is it not?”

“On paper, yes, but if we act too distant, it would raise suspicion and lead to more prying into our lives. Maybe…maybe she would even assume something scandalous occurred.”

You realized how ridiculous the idea was as soon as it left your lips. Neuvillette being forced to marry someone because he got them pregnant. It had about as much likelihood of happening as all the water draining out of Fontaine.

Neuvillette blinked rapidly at your words. He seemed to understand what you were implying. He took a sip of water, looked at you, then raised his cup to his lips again. No doubt he was insulted by the mere suggestion of it. You had to apologize. But he spoke before you could.

“Affection… yes, I haven’t considered that. Perhaps that is why she…” he murmured, almost to himself, then shook his head as though clearing whatever thoughts occupied it. He then raised his gaze to you. “How shall we display it, then?”

“You’re asking me?” you were stunned. Shouldn’t Neuvillette, with his doubtless abundant experience in such things, know? Or maybe he found it too dishonest to feign affection for a woman he had no feelings for. “I’m not sure either. You know I’m woefully inexperienced when it comes to romance.”

“So am I.” Neuvillette said. “Perhaps we could follow the examples of others.”

You resisted the urge to gape at him. Does that mean his relationships were all… No, wait, I shouldn’t jump to conclusions. Maybe he just means that he acts very reserved with his partners. Yes, that must be it.

“That’s a good idea,” you quickly said, then racked your brain for examples. Your parents came up first in your mind, but you quickly dismissed them. Theirs was an arranged marriage, and even as a child you noticed the difference between how they acted with each other and how your friends’ parents acted. At the very least, they never cheated on each other and got along quite well. I don’t think I should emulate them in this case, though.

You then thought of your friend Anne, who recently got married and gave birth. Her husband was a port official who worked at Lumidouce Harbor, so she moved there about a year ago, but still exchanged letters with you regularly. You never met her husband, but he seemed to be a kind, loving man judging from Anne’s letters. I’ve never seen their interactions, so copying them is also out of the question.

You scoured your mind for all the couples you’ve seen in your life. The elderly couples in your hometown, the young lovers walking hand-in-hand on the city streets, even the fictional romances you read in novels—you analyzed them all. There were a few things they had in common: physical contact, fond smiles, petnames.

You told all of this to Neuvillette, who stroked his chin in thought. Then, he stood up. “Madame, let me try something,” he held out his hand to you, and you took it. He drew you out of your chair and, without warning, wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you close to his chest. You were frozen, unsure of what to do. His other hand moved to your chin, tilting it up. You realized then that you were holding your breath and standing on your tiptoes, your face so close to his that you could see every detail in his face in sharp focus. His slitted violet eyes, fringed by long lashes; his high cheekbones; the white locks brushing against his cheeks; his full mouth, slightly parted—

You hastily put a stop to those thoughts. I have to calm down and focus! Focus on…um…what do I need to focus on again? You were sure that Neuvillette could feel your heart pounding under your clothes. He was staring at you so intently. You couldn’t look away even if you wanted to, for he still had your chin between his fingers.

“My precious little dove,” he whispered, lowering his face to yours. A silver lock brushed against your cheek, and the crisp smell of his cologne assailed your nostrils. As if by instinct, your arms rose to encircle his body. “Won’t you seek solace in my arms?”

If only you had the calmness of mind or wit to respond with something equally passionate! Unfortunately, the first thing that came out of your mouth was, “Didn’t that line come from The Lochknight’s Passion?”

The Lochknight’s Passion was a historical romance novel popular for its compelling combination of the flowery writing characteristic of historical novels and almost embarrassingly direct love scenes. What you didn’t mention was that the line in question was said by the titular Lochknight right before he “fell into the throes of passion” with his lady love, to put it politely. Neuvillette’s tastes in literature are quite unexpected… the romance novels in his study came to mind.

You saw a pale flush bloom across his cheeks and his jaw tightening as he pursed his lips. He let go of you and stepped back. Shades of embarrassment and shock flickered in his eyes. “Y-Yes. I mean, indeed, that is where the line came from.” There was a stutter in his words, which was quite rare.

Oh no, I ruined the moment and embarrassed him! You had to fix this somehow.

You cleared your throat and closed the space between you two, then stepped on your tiptoes and twined your arms around his neck, then cupped his cheek in your hand. You heard his breath catch his throat. “Take me in your embrace, my shining knight,” you recited the words of the Lochknight’s lady in that same scene. “And let our enflamed souls mingle as one!”

The words fell with a thud in your silent room, which suddenly felt too small and stifling.

A polite “ahem” came from the direction of the door. The two of you jumped away from each other as though you were on fire.

“Pardon me, Monsieur and Madame, but I’ve brought snacks,” Marie was standing at the door with a bowl of blueberries. Her eyebrows were raised, and the corners of her lips were twitching. “But if I’m interrupting something, I can come back later.”

You fervently wished a hole opened up beneath you right then and there. You could hear fabric rustling behind you and imagined that Neuvillette felt similarly mortified.

“We were practicing displaying affection, Marie. I apologize if we caused any misunderstandings,” he explained in a composed tone. You were impressed; you couldn’t even manage so much as a squeak right now. He’s the Chief Justice for a reason. I should learn from him.

“Practicing affection?” Marie’s eyebrows remained raised, so Neuvillette explained the situation. As he spoke, rationality made its belated return to your mind. What were the two of you thinking? Showing affection didn’t mean embracing passionately in front of Furina!

You were quite proud of yourself for not burying your head in a pillow and screaming your lungs out.

“Ah, I understand the problem you’re dealing with now,” Marie nodded after Neuvillette finished his explanation. To her credit, she managed to keep a straight face despite being confronted with the absurdity of her employers. “Then, may I give my opinion as a woman who has been married for four decades?”

Gah, we should have done that from the start!

Neuvillette nodded, and Marie went on ahead. “Firstly, Monsieur and Madame, I’m unsure as to why you feel the need to pretend affection in the first place. To my eyes, you two look quite close.”

“Yes, but is it a ‘married couple’ kind of ‘close’?” you said.

“I’ve known plenty of couples, and I’d say the two of you show more fondness and respect for each other than most of them, even the ones who’ve been married for decades. You simply need to act as you always do.”

“But it’s more like the fondness between friends,” you insisted. “Would a stranger think we’re married if they saw us together?”

“Hmm…” Marie tilted her head in thought. “Well, Madame, if you’re so worried, then how about wearing matching accessories with Monsieur? It lends an impression of closeness, I’d say.”

“Oh, that’s a good idea,” you looked at Neuvillette. “How about it?”

“A visual indicator… yes, it does seem like a good idea,” he nodded. Then, his face suddenly brightened. “I have something in my mind. Come with me, Madame, to my room. And thank you, Marie, for your good suggestion.”

“Yes, thank you, Marie,” you echoed. “Also, sorry again for asking something so odd. And, um, about what you just saw...”

“No need to worry, Madame, you will hear no mention of tonight from me. And don’t apologize for asking questions. There’s a first time for everything.” Marie said, her eyes twinkling.

As you followed Neuvillette to the double doors at the other wing of the house, you were overcome with embarrassment all over again, so you decided to concentrate your eyes on the swaying bow at the end of his white locks. My goodness, how does he maintain all that hair? There’s so much of it…

Neuvillette opened the wooden doors of his room and gestured for you to enter. You had never been in his room before and felt sparks of nervous anticipation in your stomach. Was this what adventurers felt when they were about to step foot into an undiscovered ruin?

His bedroom wasn’t as exciting as all that. It was twice as large as your room. A large canopied bed dominated the room (you tried not to stare at it), and thick blue curtains hung over the windows. A white stone fireplace, unlit, occupied another wall, with a stuffed armchair in front of it. Even with the lights turned on, it was rather dim in the room.

There were two other doors, and you supposed the one Neuvillette led you towards was his dressing room. Your feet sank into the soft carpet as you followed him.

The dressing room was spacious, with floor-length mirrors and a cushioned bench in the middle of the room. Everywhere you looked, you were met with blue, black, and white. You could almost imagine that you were standing at the bottom of the sea. Neuvillette is nothing if not a stickler to a theme, you thought in amusement.

Neuvillette pulled out a drawer. It contained brooches of all shapes and sizes nestled within white silk. They glittered like sea glass on a white sandy beach.

“Madame, please pick one for me,” he said. It wasn’t until that moment that you realized he hadn’t said anything since you left your room. He gestured towards the drawer and proceeded to sit on the bench. Though you could still feel his gaze on your back.

You, for your part, busied yourself with the brooches. They came in all shapes and sizes, all colors and makes. Even you, who had long outgrown your fascination with shiny gems, found yourself enthralled by each brooch you came across. These are all so beautiful! Why doesn’t Neuvillette wear them more often?

At last, your eye alighted on a purple gem tucked all the way in the back of the drawer. You took it out and held it up to the light. It was oval-shaped and appeared more of a pale lilac in the light than deep purple. It was the exact color of Neuvillette’s eyes.

I wonder if this was a gift from a lover? It didn’t seem like the kind of thing you would buy for yourself.

You turned to Neuvillette and held it out to him. “I think this one will do. It matches your eyes and my dress.”

He took the brooch from you and examined it. “It does. I hardly remembered that I had this brooch in the first place,” he turned a weak smile towards you. “You have a good eye, Madame.”

“Try it on,” you urged, and he complied, inspecting himself in the mirror. You stood beside him and looked as well. Marie had a point about the matching. Somehow, you and Neuvillette now looked like you had something to do with each other, rather than just a man and woman standing together.

“I’ll wear a black ribbon like yours in my hair tomorrow as well,” you whispered without knowing why. It wasn’t as though wearing more matching accessories would make the two of you look more like a couple.

“I think you would look lovely in anything you choose,” he murmured back, his eyes fixed on the mirror. You had the feeling that he was staring at your reflection instead of himself.

You turned to look at him. His profile was sharp and defined, his right eye obscured by his bangs so you couldn’t glean his expression. But even so, you could tell…

“Neuvillette, is something wrong? Is it about what happened earlier? There’s no shame in reading racy romance novels, you know. I think shaming someone for reading is an awful thing to do. Someone who only reads serious literature isn’t better than someone who only reads Inazuman light novels in any way. In fact, people should be encouraged to read a wide variety—”

“Madame, I appreciate the sentiment, but that is not what is preoccupying my mind right now,” Neuvillette interrupted. Melancholy continued to emanate from him in waves.

“Oh. Then, what is it?” you moved to sit on the bench and patted the seat next to you. He sat down and glanced at you. “Please tell me.”

“I do not wish to burden you with even more stress.”

“Haven’t we been over this already? We promised to stop keeping our worries from each other, particularly when it involves one of us, remember?”

“We have, but…” Neuvillette hesitated. “I am not sure how to verbalize these feelings in my heart.”

“I see.” You nodded. Your mind raced as you thought of a way to help him open up. An idea came to mind. It was a method used with the students back in your hometown when they had trouble expressing their feelings. Words came out much easier when your hands were occupied with an activity. You could adapt it to this situation. “Neuvillette, I’m going to go get my hairbrush. I’ll be right back.”

“Your hairbrush?” he repeated, confused, as you ran to your room to fetch the brush. The bowl of blueberries was there, and you took it along with you on a whim.

“Neuvillette, brush my hair for me,” you said when you returned to the dressing room and handed him your hairbrush. “Take your time to put together what you want to say.”

“Are…are you sure?” he looked at your hair brush dubiously.

“I am. I brush my hair right before I go to bed every night anyways, so you’re doing me a favor either way.”

“…If you insist, Madame. I shall do my best.” He brought the bristles of the brush to the top of your scalp and gently ran them down the strands of your hair. You popped a few blueberries in your mouth as he did so. After a while, the sensation of the brush carefully being worked through your hair became hypnotic, almost lulling you to sleep. You felt your eyelids drooping down when Neuvillette finally spoke.

“I want to apologize to you first, Madame. What happened in your room should never have occurred in the first place. It was untoward. I do not know what came over me when I did so.”

“We were both trying to find a way to show affection. I did the same to you as well.” You have already resolved to completely bury that memory and never let it see the light of day ever again.

“But it was only in response to my actions.” A pause. “I felt your heart beating rapidly, and you tensed up under my arms. You were scared of me in that moment.”

“I was certainly taken by surprise…” you recalled your emotions back then. “But, um, I didn’t, ah, dislike it.” You stuffed a handful of blueberries into your mouth.

You felt the brushing pause for a second before it restarted with renewed vigor. “…I see.” Neuvillette’s tone was unreadable. “I’m very glad to hear that, although I wouldn’t like to catch you by surprise. I will inform you beforehand and ask for your permission when I do such things from now on.”

“Oh? Does that mean you’re going to take me into your arms again in the future?”

“I try not to make promises that I am unsure I’ll be able to keep.”

You weren’t sure what to say to that, so you stuffed another handful of blueberries into your mouth, focusing on their juicy sweetness.

“There is another thing I want to apologize for.” Neuvillette said after another minute of silence. “I am ashamed that even though I was the one who involved you into this situation in the first place, I find myself completely clueless as to what to do. I should be the one guiding you, and yet…our positions always seem to be reversed. It seems that I am always following your lead.”

“Neuvillette, remember what I said before? We’re partners—we’re a team. We should be walking together side by side, instead of one leading the other. If one of us is lacking in something, the other one should make up for it, and if we both can’t come up with a solution, we’ll consult a third party.”

There was a pause, and then you heard an exhale. It sounded like a mix of a sigh and a laugh. “I find myself envious of your levelheadedness sometimes,” he said. “You’re rarely swayed by emotion.”

I wouldn’t say that, you thought to yourself. “That’s high praise coming from the ever-impartial and reasonable Iudex. I would say I’m the one who has much to learn from you in that aspect.”

“No. You should not emulate me, Madame.” You nearly looked back in surprise at his suddenly clipped tone. He said nothing more afterward, and for a while the room was filled only with the sounds of breathing and the quiet rustling of hair being brushed. It felt like the calm before the storm, somehow.

“Sometimes, I feel as though I’m trying to navigate a maze without a map.” His breath ruffled the little hairs near your temple. You shivered unconsciously. “It’s quite frustrating.”

“I feel the same way,” you tried to sound as reassuring as you could. “This kind of relationship is new for the both of us. You’re not alone in this.”

“Is that so…” Neuvillette trailed off. You stole a glance at the mirror and saw a muscle twitching in his jaw. “I do not believe we are talking about the same thing.”

“Then, what do you mean?”

Neuvillette was silent for a moment before letting out a sigh. “My apologies, Madame, but I cannot quite describe it. I should not have vented such matters before our meeting tomorrow.”

“No, don’t apologize for that,” you turned to face Neuvillette. “Venting is good. It’s much better than bottling it all in. It’s a bad habit of mine as well, you know.”

“I can tell,” he murmured, causing you to raise your eyebrows at him. He cleared his throat and looked away. “I meant no offense by that, Madame.”

“I’m not offended. I’m actually surprised. You’re one of the rare people who can see through me. You should feel honored, you know.”

You tried to sound lighthearted, but Neuvillette just continued to fix you with a grave look. Maybe I should work on this more.

“Neuvillette, don’t worry. You’ve always been nothing but kind and considerate—I can’t imagine you doing anything malicious on purpose. You should just keep being yourself.”

“…I suppose you’re right, Madame,” he said at long last, but the heavy air around him didn’t dissipate. You held in a sigh. I’m terrible at this.

It was getting late. You needed to wake up early tomorrow to get ready, so you excused yourself and returned to your room.

As you laid in bed and stared up at your dark ceiling, you heard the gentle murmuring of rain outside. You hoped that signified good luck for tomorrow.

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[daydreams-after-dark]

What's your fanfic fantasy? part 6

Chapter Contents.

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6 // P art 7 // Part 8 // Part 9 // Part 10 // Part 11 // Part 12 // Part 13 // Part 14 //

Premise: OFC + Chan + Jisung 18+ fanfic. This is an AU story about Chan bringing your fantasies to life... but what happens when boyfriends Chan and Han fall in love with you?

Chapter Summary: Chan is freaking out about what just happened with you. We have a tender moment with Chan and Jisung

Warnings: m x m, blow job, cum eating, confessions.

Chan pov

Chan thinks he's going to hyperventilate. Or vomit. Or die. He gets back to his room and fumbles at the handle, desperate for the safety of his bedroom. After what feels like an eternity, he finally manages into get inside. He's safe now.

“How did it go?” Jisung perks up, looking up from his phone. From the sounds coming from the device he's watching porn.

He looks expectantly at Chan waiting for details of the evening.

“I fucked her face.” Chan is mortified by the words that come out of his mouth, and he rakes his hands through his hair.

“What!?” Jisung tosses his phone to the side and sits up wide eyed and all ears, wanting details.

“I fucked up, Jisung.” Chan chokes.

Jisung squints and shakes his head like he must have misheard. “I thought you said you fucked her face?”

“I did.” Chan absentmindedly finds his way to the bed and crashes face down on it next to Jisung.

“Fuuuccckkk!” he screams into the pillow and punches the mattress. After a moment he rolls over to face Jisung.

“How is this a bad thing, babe? I thought this is what you wanted?” Jisung looks confused, but also worried. “What’s going on?” he whispers gently to his lover.

Chan takes a moment to gather his thoughts and compose his emotions.

“It wasn’t part of the plan. She didn’t ask me to… I didn’t ask if it was okay…” he starts to breath heavy and that sick feeling of needing to vomit returns.

He turns to Jisung. “I really really fucked her face. Rough. Without caring about what she wanted.” He swallows hard and Jisung watches him with his big beautiful doe eyes. Chan loves those eyes, but right now he feels too ashamed to meet his gaze.

“Then what happened?” Jisung gently pushes. “Did she seem okay with it?”

Chan scratches his head. “She… she came. God she looked gorgeous with my cock in her mouth. Then I came. And she swallowed it all.”

Jisung wraps his arm around Chan.

“Then,” he continues. “She wanted me to hold her.”

Jisung sits straight up. “Then why the fuck are you here and not with her?” he demands.

Chan sits up too. “Because I fucking freaked out. Okay?!” he says nd defensively. He knows he hasn't handled himself well. What a fucking idiot, he thinks.

“So what is she doing now?” Jisung takes Chan’s hand in his and squeezes it. Jisung always knows how to ease Chan’s anger or frustration.

“I tucked them into bed.” It sounds preposterous when he says it.

Jisung thinks it sounds preposterous too and laughs in his face.

“You fucking tucked them into bed?” he taunts. “Man, that must have been one hell of a blow job. You’ve lost your mind!”

Chan laughs too. It does sound absurd. He wonders what you and Minho must have thought to that. He also wonders what they are doing right now. A frown forms on Chan’s face.

Jisung, reading Chan’s body language decides to change the subject. “You know who didn’t get to come tonight don’t you?” he asks fluttering his eyelashes.

“You mean you didn’t jerk off to your porno?” Chan teases, nodding towards the phone.

Jisung shakes his head. “Na-uh! I was waiting for you.” He walks his fingers up Chan’s chest suggestively.

Chan growls and flips Jisung onto his back. He might as well distract himself from the anxiety in his chest and the sick feeling in his stomach. He bites his lip and allows himself to gaze into Jisung’s eyes, then he leans down to give him the most tender kiss. He reminds himself of how much he loves Jisung and how safe he feels when they are together. Jisung melts under his touch, and brings his hands up around Chan’s neck.

“Channie?” Jisung whispers between kisses.

“Mmm-hmm?” Chan responds whilst he tries to deepen the kiss.

Jisung breaks away. “I really like her… and so do you…” he trails off.

Chan lifts up off of Jisung and rests on his elbows. “And?” Chan snaps a fury burning in his eyes. He really doesn't want to be challenged. He's quite happy living in denial. Well not exactly happy, but he knows that if he is in denial he could soften the blow when you reject him. Actually, he doesn't plan on being rejected because he is never going to admit anything at all.

“I.. I think..” Jisung struggles to find the right words. “I think we should ask if she wants to…”

“To what, Jisung? Be our girlfriend?” he spits sarcastically. “As if. Why would she want that? Don’t be so fucking deluded.” Chan refuses to even tryto entertain that thought because it sounds so far fetched. Oh but imagine what it would be like? His dear Jisung and beautiful you… his?

“I think I'm in love with her, Chan.” Jisung blurts out. He stares into Chan’s eyes, not backing down despite having fear written all over his face. “And you are too.” He dares to add.

Chan sucks in a breath. “Fuck.” He slumps down on top of Jisung and rests his face into his neck. Jisung cautiously wraps his arms around his back and holds him close.

“Well, you could least give me a blow by blow of what actually happened tonight… you know… with the whole blindfold thing.” Jisung pouts.

Chan manages a soft chuckle and proceeds to fill him in on the evening, all while kissing and caressing Jisung’s body.

Jisung listens wide eyed and by the end of the story his cock is rock hard.

“Chan? Look what you’ve done!” he points to his erection. “You’re gonna have to fix that!”

Chan gives Jisung a sly smirk and shifts his attention to Jisung's pants. He slides down and hooks his fingers into the waistband and gives Jisung a devious little wink.

Chan has Jisung’s cock out in a heartbeat, taking the head to his mouth and licking the pre-cum off the tip. Chan loves to taste Jisung. He has the prettiest cock he’s ever seen. It's the perfect size and thickness for Chan. Like he was made for him. He loves how it made you moan and shiver. He relishes the thought as he sucks the cock that made you lose your mind yesterday, just as he himself does often. What if they can all be together? What if…

“So.. Let me get this straight.” Jisung cuts off Chan’s thoughts. “You’ve seen her naked. You’ve had her naked body against you. And.. Ahhhh…Channie… Fuck… Shit… that feels so… ahhh” Chan is getting riled up just listening to Jisung talking about you naked.

Chan takes Jisung’s cock in it’s entirety into his mouth, deep throating and assaulting it with everything he has. He's not going to go slow or prolong the blow job the way Jisung likes. No, he's going to make Jisung come quick.

“Channie… okay… I’m sorry! Please…. Slow down… aghhh…” Jisung begs, writhing around underneath Chan.

Chan hears his lover’s request and does as he is asked. He always does what Jisung asks for. He slows right down to a pace that Jisung prefers, bringing his hands to his hips and squeezing them lovingly. His hands drift up to explore his abdomen. Slowly running his hands along his defined muscles. Chan loves Jisung’s slim waist, and he let's his hands linger there.

“Channie,” Jisung whispers. “I love you.” And with that he releases himself into Chan’s mouth. It's a soft and emotional orgasm for Jisung, Chan can tell.

He eases his way back up the bed to lay face to face over Jisung, and leans down to kiss him, pushing his cum into his mouth. For a long moment they just kiss, pushing the taste of Jisung back and forth.

“I love you too.” Chan whispers between kisses.

“Channie?”

“Yes my love?” Chan rest his forehead against Jisung’s.

“And I love y/n too.” He says in a small voice.

“Me too, Jisung. Me too.”

a/n: I hope you liked this little insight into Chan and Ji's relationship.

tag list : open

@rylea08 @channieandhisgoonsquad @noellllslut @itsseohannbin @weareapackofstrays @kangnina @3rachasdomesticbanana @palindrome969 @xxkissesforchanniexx @chuuchuu1224 @fun-fanfics @wolfennracha @rhonnie23 @jisunglyricist @strayywayy @rixenluv @piscesrising01 @lunearta @shltsnglggles @lilbabiebunni @jiminssluttyminx @armystay89 @krayzieestay @stellasays45 @hxnnielk @yaorzu-blog @anjian03 @tsunderelino @igetcarriedawaywithyou @mylittleponeypinkrosieposie @privhace

[hyunjinspark]

star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 14

synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him.

there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned. 

pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader

genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au (kind of), star-crossed lovers

word count: 35K (🫠)

warnings: cursing, drinking, jealousy, mutual pining, sexual tension, intense making out, dirty talk, mature content, sub! hyunjin, references to fingering, mentions of the word cock, dom! hyunjin, handjob, grinding, dry humping, overthinking, references to anxiety and therapy, slight confrontation, opens with a flashback

a/n: thank you for being so patient with me, and this story! i worked a lot for this chapter, and its very pivotal to the rest of the story, in terms of hyun and yn. in fact almost 80% of this chapter is just them. i hope you love it. its very longg so please grab a blanket and snacks before sitting down to read it ;)

i recommend that you can listen to my star lost playlist here!

important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.

masterlist

summer of 2015.

“Do you know why those stars are called Cassiopeia?” 

The constellation was more visible than ever tonight — made up of five stars, it almost looked like a Queen sitting on her throne, in the sky.

It was a real question, because you had absolutely no idea why the constellations were named after Greek myths. You’d read about it, of course, within faded literature pages in middle school, but you’d never been interested in astronomy, so you hardly paid attention.

Staring up at it now, you wished you had.

“Hmm?” He asked, and you realised that he also hadn’t been paying attention, to you.

“Cassiopeia” You repeated, pointing your hand upwards, at the bright stars.

“I don’t speak French, babe”

“It’s Latin…” You told him, “What are you thinking of?”

The sand between your fingers was icky, but once you got used to it, it wasn’t all that bad. The waves rushing over you felt calm. The sea was warm this time of year, and the only thing you had looked forward to all summer was this moment, right here.

“I’m thinking…about how I’d do anything for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich right now” He replied, as if he’d been crafting his answer with perfection for ages, as if you hadn’t just asked him about the night sky, something completely unrelated. 

You turned your head, cheek pressing into the sand, “Really, Lix? We…just ate”

Felix sighed, still staring at the skies above, but making no effort to actually see anything, “I know, but…I’m still hungry”

It was tradition at this point, for you and Yongbok to run away to the beach, lie down in the sand, and talk about anything and everything in the world, or talk about nothing at all.

He was the one person in your life you didn’t mind silence with.

You rolled over to face him, as another wave washed over the two of you.

He squint at you, “What? Don’t look at me like that”

“Like what?” You laughed, elbows digging into the sand, “The carbonara Hana made was good, Lix. It was her first time making that too, don’t be so harsh on her”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was good, but I just don’t understand why we didn’t let Minho make dinner, as he does every time. You should stop being a kiss-ass to Hana”

“I am not a kiss-ass” You rolled your eyes.

He sighed, and sat up, making you sit up too, knees digging into the wet sand. You fixed the red strings of your bikini, tightening the knot at the sides.

He stopped you in the midst of that action, hand landing on your bare thigh, “Please? Just one sandwich?”

“Why can’t you make it yourself?” You frowned, looking up at him.

“Because…I don’t wanna get up” He hummed, lending his help to you. His fingers drifted upwards to your swimsuit and he tongued his cheek, “You don’t even know how to tie a knot properly. Let me”

You sat back, hands resting on your thighs as he took over. His fingers were cold, making you shiver, and Felix smiled at that.

“Did you even hear what I said?” You asked, annoyed.

He squinted, “About the French chick?”

You glanced back up at the sky, and the constellation that you had been talking of, “Greek. I was asking you if you know why the stars were named after her”

“Maybe she was really hot”

You rolled your eyes, “I’m sure she was”

He looked up at you, after tying the strings in a perfect knot, “Then they should name a star after you too, Y/N”

“Stop” You laughed, pushing his hand away, “You’re just saying that because you want me to get you food”

He smiled, shameless, “Yeah I am. Please?”

You glanced towards the cabin, a few hundred or so meters away. 

There were no lights on, since everybody else in the house had gone to sleep. Along the rest of the coast, other cabins dotted the beach, of all sizes and styles, lit up and occupied by families or groups of friends. It was a hot summer and nobody liked to stay in their stuffy city homes. 

But the coast was beautiful, and serene.

“Fine” You hummed, reaching over to pinch his cheek, “But you owe me, Lix”

His eyes were bright and you could never say no to him, so you gave in.

“I love you” He sang, as you walked over to the cabin, footsteps light in the sand. 

You took your time, relishing in the cool wind against your skin, occasionally turning back to smile at Yongbok. His eyes never left your figure until you reached the porch, making sure you got there safely, even though it was the safest place in the world.

Soon, this summer would end and you’d be back at school, missing this gritty sand and warm seawater. 

Yongbok’s shirt hung on the porch railing, next to your sweater and you slipped it on over your bikini, before stepping inside. The cabin tend to get cold, even on summer nights like this, so you hugged yourself to keep warm, as you walked through the foyer. 

Your friends were sleeping, and you had to be quiet. Treading carefully, the loud creak of the door still gave your presence away, wooden planks becoming wet with your footsteps.

You blindly fumbled in the dark, finding your way to the kitchen.

The television was on.

It was a little past three, and static noise buzzed through the little house, flashing colours lighting up the living room.

“Hello?” You asked, trying to see in the dark, “Minho?”

A blanket lay on the couch, but whoever had been watching TV had already left, since the remote lay buried in the pile of cushions. Frowning, you picked it up, turning it off.

“Just because Yongbok’s uncle pays for this doesn’t mean we can leave shit on…” You sighed, in the empty room, hoping Minho would hear you. The cabin was small, so even if he was upstairs, he’d be able to hear you. 

Now that the television was off, the entire room was engulfed in darkness again, and perhaps it would have been smarter to just leave it on so you could navigate. 

You weren’t scared of the dark, but you were easily startled. Moonlight filtered in through the windows, and peeking out, you could see Yongbok’s shape against the dark horizon.

In the blue light of your phone screen, you spotted your headphones on the coffee table. You plugged them in, switching to a playlist Yeonjun made as you slipped the headset over your wet hair.

It was silly, that you’d be making sandwiches for him at this time of the day, but you’d do just about anything in the world for Yongbok.

Humming along to your music, you stepped into the pantry, searching for the bread. For some reason, Minho had brought back four different kinds of bread from the local bakery earlier today, and you peered at the labels, wanting to pick one which wasn’t multigrain, since Yongbok hated that.

Whispers interrupted your search, and you stilled in your movements.

“Yongbok?” You turned around, but you couldn’t see anything or anyone in the dark.

It was probably your music that made you hear things, and you turned back to the shelf. 

“There you are” You smiled, spotting the Whole Wheat Bread.

You stepped into the kitchen, packet clasped tightly within your hands and that’s when you saw them.

You stilled in your movements.

The bread unceremoniously dropped from your hands, landing on the musty floor with a thump.

What the fuck?

Across the kitchen island, sat on the two bar stools, your best friend, Song Hana was kissing your other friend, Yeonjun.

No. They weren’t even just kissing. Hana was halfway in Yeonjun’s lap, and his tongue was so far down her throat that this obviously wasn’t the first time it happened. 

Your reaction of surprise wasn’t loud, but it might as well have been like dynamite inside the quiet house because it made them jump apart from each other, turning to face you.

His eyes were wide, as she noticed you in the doorway, “Oh my god. Y/N. Hey”

Hey?

So simple. Hey, I wasn’t just making out with our best friend.

You wish you could have just walked away without drawing attention to yourself, but now they were both staring at you.

You cleared your throat, thankful the dark concealed your shock, wondering what you could possibly say to diffuse the awkwardness, “Uh, I didn’t know anyone was awake in the house” 

“Yeah” Hana laughed, fumbling over her words, “I couldn’t sleep so…I came to get some dumplings”

Your gaze drifted to Yeonjun, and a faint pink coated his cheeks, but he wasn’t even looking at you. 

“Right... Jun?” You asked, making him finally glance up. Even in the darkness of the kitchen, you could prominently see the shape of his Adam’s Apple, as he swallowed, “Yeah, Y/N? Were you at the beach?”

You obviously saw them kiss, but they were hiding it, and there was nothing more to say.

“I…um, I just came to get some jelly, for Felix” You told them, “But…I’ll leave you two to it. Enjoy the...dumplings”

You immediately turned around, because you had to process this - whatever the hell you just saw, because your best friends were hooking up, and this was how you found out?

Hana had never expressed a romantic interest in him before this, what changed? Your friendship was too special, far too precious, to ruin with an impulsive mistake or decision like that.

You would ask her about it later, not tonight. 

You had to get back to the beach, to Felix. 

To something familiar, and comforting, and known and—

—A hand immediately grabbed your arm, stopping you in the corridor, in the midst of your thoughts.

You shouldn’t be surprised that it was him coming after you, instead of her.

Yeonjun was always the one wanting to fix everything, “Y/N, please wait”

He was always the one who never wanted to hurt you.

“Yeah?” You turned around, hoping you sounded as nonchalant as you wanted to, “You can keep the bread. I…I’ll just tell Yongbok we don’t have any”

“You’re hurt” 

Your eyebrows shot up, at his statement, “Hurt by what? The sandwiches weren’t even for me, I’m fine”

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about”

A laugh escaped you, “Then what?”

Yeonjun closed his eyes, “I wasn’t hiding it from you…I was going to tell you”

“It’s okay, I can pretend I didn’t see anything” You shot him a smile, trying to leave but he pulled you back. You stumbled towards him in the dark corridor, wondering where Hana was, if she was listening to this, and what she must be thinking.

“Jun…” You laughed, another forced chuckle.

A flash of regret painted his eyes, “I promise, I was going to tell you”

It was cold, and you were confused, but Yeonjun’s grip was warm, and understanding.

He didn’t need to explain himself.

You were…just surprised, a whirlwind of thoughts running through your head of everything that could possibly go wrong after tonight, and wondering if you really knew your friends as well as you thought you did. They’d been hooking up all this time, and you never noticed, and you never picked up on any hints?

You were more disappointed in yourself than anything.

He continued speaking, “I was going to tell you in the morning, I didn’t know you’re still awake, Y/N”

“I just didn’t expect that. Does anybody else know about you?”

He shook his head, “There isn’t an us”

You swallowed, “I mean, it’s fine if there is. It’s just…kind of something I have to get used to. How long have you been-”

Yeonjun grimaced, “No, you don’t understand. That was the first time it ever happened, Y/N”

Your voice fell, “What?”

“You just …walked in on our first kiss” He explained, “We haven’t ever done that before. That’s what I was trying to tell you. It just happened”

“But…” You squeezed your eyes shut, “What? I don’t understand. Are you…two tipsy or something?”

Yeonjun laughed, “I wish, but no. We’re...completely sober. Sorry you had to see that”

Your voice softened, tension falling from your shoulders, “You don’t have to apologise. I just didn’t expect...”

He nodded, a chuckle escaping him, “Yeah. You know that I’ve liked her for years”

You crossed your arms, hugging yourself, “Yeah…I just, I had no idea she liked you back”

He laughed, “I didn’t either, but she said that she always wanted to kiss me too”

“That’s good” You told him.

He lowered his voice, “Y/N. There’s something else. She said she’s in love with me”

Your eyes shot open, “What? In…love with you?”

He nodded, a smile on his lips, “I know. It was hard for me to believe too. The girl of my...fucking dreams just said that to me, like it took no effort. I didn’t think that stuff happened in real life”

This changed everything.

Yeonjun was only sixteen, and he’d found the love of his life, and you were so happy for him.

Your eyes lit up, “Did she kiss you first?”

He nodded, his lips still had traces of Hana’s lipgloss on it, “Yeah. She did”

“Fuck, that’s...really cool” You stared at the floor, trying to process it, “I was just taken aback, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to freak out or anything”

He shook his head, “No, I completely understand” 

Just then, Hana stepped out from the kitchen, footsteps timid, hands hugging herself as she saw you, “Hey”

“Hey”

The only light in the corridor was from the moon, and it illuminated their silhouettes beautifully.

They hadn’t even got together yet but you could imagine them being perfect together.

“I’m sorry you had to find out like that” She bit her lip, “We were going to talk to you tomorrow. I’d never keep something like that from you”

Yeonjun glanced at her, eyes crinkling, “I told her”

She looked up at him, mouth parted, “You did?”

The way they were looking at each other made it obvious. This wasn’t just a temporary, impulsive crush. Was it so easy to find the love of your life?

“I’m…gonna go up to bed though” She squeaked, and Yeonjun nodded.

She turned to you, “Is it okay if we switch places? I wanted to stay with him tonight. You could…stay with Minho, or Felix?”

“You’re kicking me out of our room?” You joked.

Hana immediately seemed guilty, “Sorry. I can move your things for you”

“It’s okay” You nodded, even though you had far too many things and art supplies for Hana to even attempt to move, and you could never fall asleep in Felix’s bed, but they were in love and that was the craziest thing in the world, so those technicalities didn’t matter right now, and you’d make do.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to move my stuff just for tonight. I can share Lix’s comforter” You smiled at her.

Hana walked away, and you were left alone with Yeonjun.

His gaze trailed to the kitchen, “Did you want something…from in there?”

You remembered the reason you’d been here in the first place, “Felix…he wanted-”

“Peanut butter and jelly?” He finished your sentence, “It’s almost four in the morning”

“Yeah, you know how he is” You laughed.

He sighed, shoulders sinking, as realisation sank in, “Sorry”

For what?

He had nothing to be sorry for.

Guilt overcome you, because you’d walked in on his first kiss, essentially ruining it and now he was saying sorry to you.

You frowned, reaching to grab his hand, “For what? I’m really happy for you, Yeonjun. I’m sorry I ruined your first kiss”

“Y/N-”

“I should be the one apologising. I know I was surprised at first, but you know that you deserve the best? I…know how long you’ve liked her, and I’m really glad she feels the same way. Why are you apologising for that?”

Yeonjun was looking at you in amusement, and he reached ahead to tuck a wet strand of your hair back, “You’re really special, you know that right?”

“What?” You frowned, “Why?”

“I was apologising to you just because…me and Hana finished all the jelly”

»»————-

“The jelly is gone”

Felix turned to you, quirking an eyebrow, “What does that even mean?”

You settled back into the sand, still in your sweater, curling your legs up, “It means…the jam is over. They finished it” 

“Who?” His voice raised, in pointed annoyance, and surprise.

“Yeonjun, and Hana”

Felix sighed, leaning back on his palms, “Why were they eating jelly at three am?”

“I walked in on them kissing” You blurted.

“What?”

“I just…I saw them, inside, kissing”

“Wait, what?” He shifted on his knees, towards you, “Who? Hana and him?”

You glanced at him, “Yeah, who else?”

A variety of emotions passed Felix’s face, and perhaps you weren’t the only one having trouble processing this. They would be perfect for each other, but what if they were not?

You buried your hands in your sleeves, watching the moonlight bounce off the high tide.

There was silence between you, the only sound of the ocean waves breaking at the surface. 

You had been excited for them, but now that you truly thought about it...a worry festered within you.

“I didn’t know Hana liked him back” He spoke.

“They’re probably gonna date, right?”

“I don’t know” He shrugged, “They might”

You traced a heart in the sand, “I’m happy for them”

He tilt his head, “Yeah, sure, you sound real happy, Y/N”

You squeezed your eyes shut, feeling crazy for even thinking all of this but you could tell Yongbok anything so you did, “I am. I’m just worried”

“About?”

You felt like a child, but you had a tendency to imagine the worst case scenarios, “What if they stop hanging out with us?”

Felix’s eyes softened, “Babe…”

Your voice shot up, “Don’t look at me like that. I’ve seen it happen. What if they break up? Everything’s going to go to shit then. It’s a bad idea to date within your friend group, isn’t it? This could be the downfall of everything”

Felix sighed, shifting closer to you, “Nothing is going to happen”

“You don’t know that” Your voice now broke, and you felt stupid for worrying when you should be happy for them, “I don’t want to lose them…or you. You guys…are the best thing in my life”

“Babe, they haven’t even started dating yet” He chuckled, hand reaching to your chin, “Calm down”

You erased the heart you’d drawn, “Yeah. You probably think I sound dumb as fuck”

“I’d never think that about you” He smiled, “Your concerns are very valid…but I don’t want you to be upset about something that may never even happen”

You sighed, and maybe spending so much time around Felix had made you as dramatic as him, “But what if we have to choose? I don’t want any of them to get hurt”

“Why would we ever have to choose?”

“I don’t know. Like…pick a side between them, if they fight. You know that I can’t choose, I love Yeonjun as much as I love Hana-”

Felix laughed, “God. I love you” 

“Don’t laugh at me” You frowned.

“I’m not laughing at you, babe” He smiled, “I just think you’re…making yourself upset for no reason. You love doing that”

You looked up at him, “Lix…”

His voice softened, against the harsh ocean waves, “Nothing is going to happen. Even if it does, you’re not gonna lose us. I’m always going to be here, you know that, right?”

You grabbed his hand, pulling him closer, “What about…when you get a girlfriend?”

Felix laughed, “I doubt that’s going to happen soon, but if I ever have to choose between my girlfriend and you…I’m picking you. It’s not even a question”

A smile made its way onto your face, “Thank you. I would do the same”

The edge of his lip turned up into a grin, “I know you would”

Staring at Felix now, you felt the calm return.

The ocean was beautiful again, the sky was vast, the stars endless, and you felt at ease.

Things would perhaps forever change tonight, your best friends were in love with each other, but maybe everything else would still be the same.

“It’s a good thing, right Lix?” You asked, squeezing his hands so that your nails dug into his soft palms.

He tilt his head, “What is?”

“Love. Them…being in love? It’s a good thing” Your words were low, because you didn’t even really know what you were asking.

“Of course it’s a good thing, but it’s not just about their love. It’s about ours too”

You were confused, “Ours?”

His eyes swirled with intensity, and he swallowed, “Ours, like all of us. You, me…Minho, and them”

“Right”

“What constellation were you telling me about earlier?”

“Cassiopeia?” You questioned.

“Hmm. That” He crawled over to you, “Which one is it?”

You pointed him in the right direction, just over the horizon, where it was visible, “The five stars, it kind of looks like a W”

“Right, and she was some hot Greek chick, right?”

You laughed, “Yeah. She was”

He wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close, “Well, she...died like billions of years ago, but she’s still here in the stars, isn’t she?”

“What are you trying to say?”

Felix turned to smile at you, “We’re just like her. The five of us. Five stars. That can’t be a coincidence, can it? We’re not going anywhere, okay?”

Your eyes widened at the sweet metaphor. Yongbok wasn’t one for romance, or anything of the sort, but you knew he meant his words.

He believed them.

And if he did, so would you.

“The five stars” You smiled, feeling your calm return, “Immortal”

He laughed, “Yeah. So don’t worry about us. You need to have more faith in us, Y/N. Things don’t just fall apart so easily, they won’t” 

“I know” You laughed, “I guess it’s kind of crazy. They found love so simply”

“You jealous?” He nudged you.

You rolled your eyes, “I wouldn’t even know what to do with love once I found it. All I need right now…is a job this summer, something to do, so I don’t sit at home and waste my youth”

He laughed, “Right, there’s the Y/N I know, only in love with the craft. I’m sure there’ll be a place in town you can work at this summer. Maybe a café , so you can get me free pastries every day”

“Oh. I almost forgot. Are you still hungry?”

“Starving” 

“I got you the sandwiches” You reached behind you for the Tupperware container you’d brought out of the beach house.

His eyebrows knitted together, as he stared at the box, “I thought you said the jelly was gone”

You lift the plastic lid, “It was but I crushed up some fruits, and I read online that if you add honey, it tastes just like jam…that’s why it kind of took me longer in there”

Felix doubled over, laughing loudly, “Oh my god. You did that for me at four fucking am?”

“It may not taste the best, but you better enjoy it” You mumbled, shoving the container into his arms.

“I know I will” He smiled, “And don’t worry about them, okay? No matter what happens, you always have me”

“Thank you, Lix. I know"

»»————-

summer now.

It had been years since you’d made each other that promise. 

Tonight, it felt futile, as you stared at the myriad of overwhelming text messages he had sent you. You had texted him back, telling him that you weren’t home, but he hadn’t replied since then.

“More beer?” 

You looked up, to see Yeonjun stood with another bottle in his hand, a cranberry extract he’d brought straight from his freezer. 

You hated beer, but you needed it tonight, so you grabbed it from him. It surprisingly didn’t taste horrible, so you savoured the fruity flavour in your mouth.

“What did you say to him?” He asked, sitting down next to you. 

“I told Felix I’m not home…” You spoke, “I asked him if we could talk tomorrow instead? I hope he understands”

“I mean, to Hyunjin” Yeonjun cleared his throat, “You were about to go over to his place, right?”

You glanced up at him, chest wrenching.

Sinking into the cushion, you stared at your phone, “I told him I can’t come either. He…didn’t question it. He probably was expecting me to cancel anyway”

Yeonjun needed you right now, and you couldn’t just abandon him— no matter how much you wanted Hyunjin, no matter how fucking horny you felt after that phone call. 

Your legs still felt weak, your heart was still pounding impossibly hard, and your underwear was soaked, but that wasn’t important right now. 

Your needs could be saved for another day.

He would understand. Hyunjin would still be here tomorrow, and the day after that, and you could meet him then.

“You really don’t need to stay with me” He spoke, “I feel like an asshole keeping you here”

“Yeonjun. You were crying, at three in the morning. I’m not leaving you alone”

He sighed, taking another sip of the cranberry beer, “Did you tell him why…? I don’t want Hyunjin to hate me”

“And why would Hyunjin ever hate you?” You turned to him, confused. Yeonjun hadn’t done anything wrong.

His eyes were still glossy, fresh tears dried on his face, and you hated the sight of it. He wasn’t an easy crier. In fact, in all your life that you’d known him…you could count the number of times you’d seen him so upset on one hand.

He licked his lips, swallowing, “Because I always keep coming between the two of you”

“Shut up” You scoffed, shoving his shoulder, “You know that’s not true”

He was still serious, despite the fact that you didn’t blame him at all, “Isn’t it? You were literally on your way to see him”

“I can see him tomorrow” You shrugged, trying to maintain a semblance of indifference and nonchalance, convincing yourself that it wasn’t that important. After all, it would be stupid to acknowledge how truly dependent you’d become on Hyunjin for your happiness. 

It wasn’t right, and even though seeing him right now felt urgent to your heart, to your body, you would still live another day and the world wouldn’t end if you didn’t meet him right this moment.

“I guess I don’t need to ask why you were on your way to him at three in the morning” He added, a teasing evident in his tone. You looked over to him, the emerging smile on his face and if teasing you was going to make him feel better, then you’d indulge him in it.

You laughed, embarrassed at how you’d been feeling like a fucking horny teenager, “You know Jun…any other day you would be very wrong, but tonight, I have to say it is exactly what you think”

“I thought you two weren’t going to be anything” Yeonjun hummed, stating the obvious fact that you were carefully trying to circumvent.

“We aren’t. It doesn’t have to mean anything” You tongued your cheek, still trying to wrap your head around what just happened. 

It started out as just a simple phone call. 

How did it escalate to that? 

“Right. I’m sure having sex with Hyunjin won’t mean anything to you at all” Yeonjun rolled his eyes, “Sounds just like you”

You looked over at him, “Just because you’re sad doesn’t mean you can call me out like that”

He laughed, leaning closer, “I’m just saying. He’ll probably be a million times better than the boys you’ve been with. Are you even prepared for that?”

You narrowed your eyes at him, heart jumping at his implication, “You’re supposed to be talking me out of this, not give me more reasons to want to jump him” 

Yeonjun laughed louder, “Man. You should enjoy this feeling, while it’s at its peak”

“What feeling?”

“That feeling, you know…” He trailed off, trying to find the right words, “When you’re falling for someone…and you’re fucking crazy about them, about every little thing they do? I remember, in the beginning, I used to have heart palpitations every time I saw Hana braid her goddamn hair, or something because she looked so adorable”

“What?” You let out a giggle, “I didn’t know you care about stuff like that”

Yeonjun smiled, “I was into everything that was about her, or even remotely related to her. I guess I was obsessed, but I don’t think anything in the universe can top that feeling”

You nodded, and you wondered if you’d ever stop feeling that way about Hyunjin. 

It had been months you’d known him, years since you’d first seen him, and your heart still went berserk at the mere thought, “Sometimes when I’m talking to him, it…feels like I have tunnel vision. I can’t see or comprehend anything except him”

“I know what you mean” He smiled.

You swallowed, remembering the reason for Yeonjun’s tears, “I’m sorry…about you and Hana”

“Yeah. I’m sorry too”

You reached over, to grab his hand, “And I’m sorry your heart is broken, and I wish I can take that pain away”

Yeonjun’s smile was sad, in return, “Me too…”

The couch cushions were frayed at the edges, because he hadn’t lived here in a while, and you fiddled with the corners to distract yourself from everything, from his broken heart, from your pining one.

“Did he say anything? Hyunjin?”

You peeked into your phone, to read the new texts, “He said, I got a call from Chan too. I hope Yeonjun feels better”

“Oh”

“Yup” Your fingers wrapped around the ice-cold beer again, and you took a swig, hoping the liquid would be enough to calm the fire in your heart. 

“It’s from the 7/11 behind Aera’s” Yeonjun explained, as if he’d read your mind, “You like it?”

“I do” You swallowed, refreshing your phone to see if Felix had said anything yet.

Yeonjun was silent, and he sat like that for a minute, staring into the dark corners of his living room, until he spoke, “Earlier today, I was thinking of the summer me and Hana got together”

“I was thinking about that summer too” You mumbled, “Can you believe it was almost…six years ago?”

“Six years?” He laughed, “That’s insane”

“It is. It feels like yesterday”

“I told her I loved her that summer for the first time… and six fucking years later, it’s not enough. You’d think the person you love for six years, you’d stay with them forever”

“I know...” You realised.

“What did he say…when you told him you can’t come? Felix?”

Perhaps, on another day, you would find it funny that Yeonjun had to keep clarifying which boy he was referring to, as if you had a carousel of boys in your life to keep you busy.

You sucked in a breath, “He didn’t say anything. I just...don’t understand what happened between us. One day we were fine, the next he hated my guts. I can’t even remember the last time I talked to him, my own best friend”

“The only thing between you and Felix…is Felix himself. It’s not your fault”

You laughed, realising the situation, “I’m sorry, this is so…typical of me. I’m supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around”

“That goes both ways” He hummed, and you looked over at him. 

He looked exhausted, sat with his legs curled, dressed in silly panda pajamas. It remind you of high school, when you used to study together; you would help him with literature so he could help you survive math. 

You used to sit right on this very couch, frustrated with the books, wishing everything in life was as easy as painting.

Even though as of late, you’d contemplated why everything seemed to be against you, you realised how blessed you were to know him.

He looked so different from the boy you’d grown up with, yet still somehow the same. 

Yeonjun was only twenty-two, but he’d just lost the love of his life, and you could see that in his gaze.

It resembled yours, the night you lost the apprenticeship.

Maybe that was an insensitive comparison. After all, a lover couldn’t ever compare to a temporary two-year art mentorship, could it?

Yet, your craft was the one thing in your life that you know you’d have, even after he left. That would still be the same.

Yeonjun had the hint of a smile on his face as he watched you finish the beer, and he was so handsome when he smiled, but…the crinkles in his eyes were strained, forced. 

He was only smiling so you wouldn’t worry about him. 

“Why do you we put ourselves through this?” You blurted, the effects of the beer settling in.

He tilt his head, “Through what? Feelings?”

You chuckled, staring at him and the spots that dotted his cheek, “Yeah. Feelings”

“At least we have each other” He laughed, “I’m really glad you exist, Y/N”

You wanted to stop moping, and to just appreciate what you had. 

You shifted closer to him, so that your bodies would touch, and you wouldn’t both be alone right now, “I’m glad you exist too, Jun”

He immediately wrapped his arm around you, pulling you into him.

It was always better to be alone together.

The television was right in front of you, and the shelves framing it were stocked with old VCRs, and tapes and movies.

“Remember when there were five of us on this couch…and there was absolutely no space for anyone, but we would watch Say Anything over and over again?” You laughed, thinking back to all the sleepovers. 

You’d spent so much of your childhood here, in this room as Yeonjun’s mum baked you treats. Tonight seemed to be a night of remembering, and of nostalgia, and your mind felt clearer than it had in hours. 

Maybe it was Yeonjun’s arm around you, maybe it was the memory of Hyunjin’s voice in your head, or maybe it was the fact that Felix had finally reached out to talk.

You wonder what he had to say, but regardless, that was a problem the you-from-tomorrow would worry about.

You-of-tonight would just let this night be, and not try to make of it more than it was.

“Do you wanna watch it?”

You glanced at him, “Just the two of us?”

He nodded, “Yeah”

It was well past three am, and starting a movie right now would mean that you both wouldn’t get any sleep, but that was okay, and some sleepless nights were worth it. 

You had work in the morning, but Yeonjun wasn’t here for long so you had to make the most of those moments. This might be exactly what he needed, to feel better. 

“All right” You agreed, “Let’s watch it”

He got off the couch, stretching his lanky panda-pajama legs out. He wandered over to his cabinet, filtering through the box of CDs. You hadn’t used those in forever, far too used to the Netflix you shared with Yongbok, but perhaps bringing everything back to as it was, is what would make everything better.

“What do you think he wanted to talk to me about?” You wondered out loud, tracing the rim of your new beer bottle.

Yeonjun was sat on his knees as he searched for the movie, “Honestly?”

“Yeah”

He stared off into space, hands paused in his work, “Felix…would do anything for you, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he was trying to apologise now”

You nodded, taking another sip of the cheap cranberry-extract beverage.

“I made a promise to him, when we were fifteen… that I wouldn’t let anything come in between us. Do you think he blames me for what’s happening to us?”

Yeonjun glanced at you, soft gaze, before turning back to the wooden box, “He could never blame you for anything, Y/N”

You sighed, “Yeah”

“Do you need help?” You realised, as Yeonjun frowned.

“Could you check the other box?” 

You nodded, joining him on the wool carpet, rummaging through the box his sister had labelled.

“I swear, Yuqi needs to have a better organisation system in place” He mumbled.

“I miss her” You laughed, “How is everything with her?”

“She’s actually visiting soon, especially when I told her I was back in Daejon for a while” He smiled, “She’s almost done with her studies”

“That’s crazy” You laughed, “Is she gonna work in Busan too or will she move back here?”

Yeonjun hummed, “You can ask her all of that when she comes. I really do not want to discuss my sister right now”

You laughed, flitting through the various discs.

“Found it!” You declared, bringing out the DVD and handing it to him, “Will it still work?”

“I have faith it will” He got up on his knees, inserting it into the player, “Does Felix know you’re at my place?”

You shook your head, “He would freak”

He seemed to be pondering over it, “You could…call him here”

You blanked, “What? You…two haven’t talked in months. I don’t think he’d come here, even if I called him”

“Say Anything was his favourite film. Tell him we’re watching that”

You laughed, because the idea was so ridiculous, “You think Felix would put aside all of his animosity towards you…because we’re watching his favourite movie?”

Yeonjun nodded, “It sounds exactly like him”

You chuckled, “Yeah… you’re right”

You sent him a text.

im watching say anything…

If you wanna come?

felix:

i thought you said you’re not home 

you:

im not

im with yeonjun 

we’re gonna watch it together

felix:

you’re at yeonjun’s house??

you:

yeah 

we can talk about whatever it is you wanted to discuss here

felix:

sorry yn

im gonna pass

you:

seriously?

im trying here lix

felix:

trying what exactly?

you:

i thought we agreed not to let anything get in between us

or do you not remember that summer?

felix:

out of the two of us, i don’t think im the one that doesn’t remember that summer

ill see you later yn

you:

sometimes youre being impossible and i don’t know what you want

felix:

maybe it’s better you don’t

“Any luck?” Yeonjun asked, and you glanced up at him, disappointed.

“Nope”

He let out a sigh, taking a seat back onto the couch, and you joined him. The disc player made a lot of noise as it started up, and you feared it may not work from years of no use, but the screen lit up. 

Perhaps the reason you liked this movie was because it was so simple.

It was about an impossible love, made possible, against all odds.

You settled into Yeonjun’s shoulder as it started.

It didn't feel the same without them. There were silly parts that Felix would always laugh at, jokes that weren’t even funny, and Hana would always be pointing out the inaccuracies in the movie, to Minho’s joy.

It wasn’t the same.

Everything had changed.

Would things be different today, if you’d thought with your head instead of your heart?

Or would everything still be the same?

“Do you believe in fate?”

He glanced at you, new bottle of beer balanced in his lap, that he’d took from the icebox near his feet, “Hmm?”

It felt sad, just the two of you, drinking away, at what should be the peak of your lives.

“You know…the notion that there’s a path our lives are supposed to be on, and that every choice or decision we make just takes us there”

“I don’t know, Y/N. Doesn’t that mean we have no free will? That everything is already chosen for us?”

“I guess” You shrugged, reaching for the bottle between his thighs. He let you, and you brought it up to take another sip. 

“What? Do you think it’s fate we broke up?” He laughed, “Me and her?”

You shrugged, “No, I guess I’m just thinking if I made the right choices this summer”

“What do you mean?” He turned to you, seemingly having lost interest in watching the movie anymore.

You picked at the fabric of the couch, “I loved how things used to be. Still, I was fighting it for the longest time because I so badly wanted everything to change too. I wanted to move out. I wanted Felix to support that. I wanted Hana to not be heartbroken anymore. I wanted us all to…stay in touch, no matter what, but now I wonder if wanting all of that is futile. I can’t have all of it. Isn’t that too greedy of me?”

“Y/N…” Yeonjun spoke, “It’s okay to hold on to the things we love, even if you want your life to change. You shouldn’t feel guilty for wishing that”

You bit your lip, “Because now I really wish Lix were here…I made a promise to him that I’d never let anything come in between us”

“You were fifteen. I made a lot of promises to Hana too, which obviously aren’t true anymore… but that doesn’t mean I was lying when I made them. People change, and priorities change. It’s not set in stone”

You nodded, “I guess promises when made, are just hope that even if everything in the world changes, you’ll still hold on to that person”

“Yeah”

“Tonight at the pool, before the dinner party, Hyunjin said that he would finally tell me what was going on, with Jisung, with the media, and why he’s been so stressed the last couple of week. I wanted to ask him so many tim-”

Yeonjun turned to you, “Did you just say Jisung?”

“Yeah. Why?” 

“Um. Nothing. I just…heard about him…on the news”

You sat up at those words, turning to face him, “What did you hear?”

He sighed, “You really want me to tell you? It might be better if Hyunjin does. I don’t know the whole extent of things”

A wave of worry washed over you. Was the situation really so bad that Yeonjun, a person who didn’t even keep up with such news, had already heard about it?

You settled back down, because there was no point stressing over it now, “I’ll talk to him tomorrow, first thing. I hope Jisung is okay”

“How is his band anyway?”

“You haven’t heard their music yet?”

He shrugged, “On the radio, a couple of times” 

“What? They play his band on the radio?” 

Yeonjun glanced at you, smiling, “Yeah. Sometimes when I’m browsing the television, their videos also come up. Their sound is really fucking cool”

“That’s crazy” You realised, “I think I’d lose it if I heard Hyunjin’s voice on the radio. I’d...probably think it was fate or something”

“I have no doubt that you would” He laughed.

“I haven’t heard all their albums” You admitted, “Does that make a bad friend?”

“Depends” He shrugged, “Why haven’t you heard it?”

You fiddled with the blanket in your lap, “If I hear all their music, and his voice when he sings…I might fall even crazier in love, and that’s just…avoidable”

Yeonjun smiled, eyes crinkling, “Why…why don’t you tell him, Y/N?”

“Tell him what? That I haven’t heard all of his music? He’d hate me-”

“That you’re in love with him” 

“Why would I do that?”

“Because if he knows you love him, it might change everything”

You swallowed, “It won’t change the fact that he is who he is, and that his life is the way it is”

“No, but listen to me, Y/N. Love is a…it’s a huge fucking thing. It might change everything, if he knows what you feel for him, the true magnitude of it. He might reconsider his never-dating-anybody theory”

You stared at Yeonjun as he spoke, unable to even imagine or comprehend how Hyunjin could react to such knowledge.

To be told that someone was in love with you.

How would you react to something like that?

You’d never been in that position before, not romantically anyway, and maybe Yeonjun was right. It would change things. How could it not?

“I’ll…think about it”

“Sometimes, the things that can make the most difference in our lives, is the stuff that we don’t say”

“God. You’re like…a complete self-help book speaking at this point, you know that?”

Yeonjun rolled his eyes, poking you, “If someone told you they loved you, wouldn’t that change everything?”

“It’s hard to imagine. Maybe you’re right”

“When is he going back to the city?” Yeonjun asked, the one topic you’d been avoiding forever. 

Your heart stung at the reminder.

He was going to leave, eventually.

“Not till the end of summer, which is still a month away, so...I have time”

But he would leave.

“He’s going back in a month? Fuck, that’s...not much”

“Yeah” You nodded, “I’m trying not to think about that. It’s...too soon, it’s going to go away in the blink of an eye. I don’t really wanna think about how I'll feel the day he leaves”

“I understand”

“I’ve gotten so used to him, and being around him, it feels...natural, and after tonight- we’re only getting closer”

Yeonjun smiled, “Maybe one more month with you, and Hyunjin may just change his mind”

You rolled your eyes, “It’s impossible”

He sighed, wrapping his arm around you again, “Guess what? Last week, at work, one of the HR interns…she asked me out on a date”

“What?” You laughed, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“There was nothing to tell. She’s cute, well I don’t even know her, but I think I’m gonna take her out next week”

“You are?” You giggled, shifting closer.

He smiled, waving his hands about, “It’s time for me to finally branch out. To move on”

“I can’t believe all of this started from Hana wanting to move on, the beginning of this summer” You remembered.

Yeonjun glanced at you, “So then technically, you have me to thank for bringing Hyunjin into your life”

You laughed loudly, “God, yeah, I guess that is it. You’re responsible”

He grinned, pulling at your cheek, “I guess fate does exist”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. If me and Hana had to be over so that you could find the love of your life, I’d say it was pretty fucking worth it”

You rolled your eyes, “And why can’t the both of us…be happy? Is fate so cruel to deny you your one true love?”

Yeonjun turned to smile at you, a glint in his eye, “Well. Maybe… the cute intern from HR is the love of my life”

»»————-

The loudness of The Grove did nothing to ease your headache. It was just a little past six am, but the diner was in full swing, and customers filtered in and out of the joint, grabbing their usual breakfast waffles and chocolate milkshakes.

“Give me just two more minutes, Y/N!” Seonmi yelled, over the counter, as she sped through making the quickest caramel macchiato you’d ever seen.

“Of course” You responded, balancing your bag on the counter as she cycled through the customers. You’d hardly slept last night, not even having the energy to finish the film, and you and Yeonjun had fallen asleep on the living room couch as the credits rolled.

You had been woken up by your very loud alarm, and you’d apologised to him for it, somehow forgetting that today was a work day, and that you’d have to leave at dawn.

Glancing around the diner, you noticed some familiar faces from the Lakehouse party, people you remember seeing through your blur of tears. San and Seonghwa knew a lot of people, but you hadn’t expected to see them around town so soon.

One of the boys made eye contact with you, and you looked away, hoping none of them remembered the harsh fight you’d had with Hana.

They probably heard everything.

Not that you cared what they thought of you, you just wish you could go back to that night and erase the argument, for your own sake. 

“Okay, I can take your order now!” Seonmi squealed, stepping up to you, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

You tugged the earphones out of your ears, smiling at her, “Can you take a breather for me?”

Her eyes widened, in perplexed cuteness, “What do you mean?”

“You seem so stressed and the day hasn’t even started yet” You grabbed her hand over the counter, squeezing it, “Don’t forget to breathe”

Her lips tugged up, “Thank you, Y/N. You know how it gets sometimes, there’s a rush this morning and I don’t even know why”

“Well, I don’t know how it gets since I don’t work in the most popular diner in town” You teased her, as she smiled, “Something tells me a lot of people come here for the cute waitress”

She let out a giggle, “Thank you. What can I get you, though?”

“The regular would do” You told her, playing with the little tabletop jukebox, “Whipped cream too, please”

“Of course” She smiled, getting back into the meld of things, and you took a temporary seat at the barstool, as she made your drink.

“Those people…do you know them?” You asked her, glancing over at the group.

She looked up momentarily, “The ones from San’s party?”

“Mmh” 

“They’re older than me, so I don’t really hang with them much. I think most of them are only here for the summer”

“Really?”

Seonmi nodded, as she piped whipped cream onto your hot latte, “Jiho’s from Seoul, and Alexander, he’s visiting from up in Incheon”

It seemed like everyone your age who was born here, had since moved out of Daejon, in pursuit of happiness, and better things.

“Ah, I see” You bit your lip, even though you didn’t know who Jiho was or who Alexander was.

“Why do you ask?”

“They were looking at me earlier, and I think I saw them playing beer pong at the Lakehouse. Just wondering” You shrugged, as Seonmi reached over, handing you your cup.

“Ah, probably because of Hyunjin” She giggled.

“What do you mean?” You tilt your head, a soft smile fighting you just because hearing his name made your heart pound like crazy, even at six am on a work day.

“You know…” She glanced up at you, while wiping the counter clean, “You and him are always together…people are talking”

You sat up straight, “About… us?”

She nodded, “Don’t worry about it though, the people of Daejon always need something to talk about. They’ll move on soon”

Even though you hated town gossip and rumours, the idea that people associated you and Hyunjin with each other made your heart warm. You’d never thought something that bizarre could happen, but hearing his name with yours made it all the more real.

You smiled, flushing at just the thought of him, “Um…did he come by earlier this morning?”

Seonmi had moved on to her next order, hurriedly adding caramel to a drink, “Hyunjin? Nope”

You frowned, “He usually comes by though, right?”

She nodded, “Without fail, every morning…he’s here. Kind of gives me something to look forward to, if I’m being honest”

“Yeah?”

Seonmi paused in her work look at you, “Yeah. He’s always so…kind. It’s like within the flurry of customers, he’s the only patient one. Plus, he’s a sight for sore eyes on morning shifts”

You chuckled, “I didn’t know he’s here that often”

“Oh, he is. I guess Hyunjin can’t live without his coffee either” She shrugged, and then suddenly lit up as if remembering something, “Oh! The other day, you should’ve seen him, Y/N, he was so cute. He spent the entire day here, just reading this book he’s carrying around, and wow…everybody was asking about him, about the quiet, pretty boy in the corner”

Just hearing Seonmi describe him made your heart flutter, because you could picture it so perfectly in your head, even though a part of you was also envious that she got to see him like that, instead of you.

“When was that?”

“A couple of days ago” She scribbled an order for another customer, “I wanted to ask him what book he was reading, but I was really nervous”

You laughed, “Why were you nervous?”

“He’s…intimidating, and I didn’t wanna bother him. But you two are close, maybe you can ask him for me”

Close couldn’t even begin to describe it, but how else would you explain what you two had?

“Yeah, we’re…close”

“Kinda weird he isn’t here today” She added, “But you can always bring him coffee… Maybe he’s busy, or slept in late”

You hadn’t even thought of that, “I could?”

She laughed, “I mean you two are practically dating, aren’t you?”

The warmth faded, and you shook your head, “No of course not, we’re …friends”

Of all the things going on in his life, he couldn’t afford to get into a dating scandal right now, especially because of you.

“Right” She rolled her eyes, “You should still bring your hot friend a coffee”

“You think so?” The idea of bringing it to him made you giddy, because you could imagine his smile, and it would be such a great start to your day - making him happy.

“Of course. He gets the same order as yours anyway, I’ll just add another to your tab”

“Okay” You agreed, and pulled out your phone.

You hadn’t talked to him since last night.

Since…that phone call.

The memory made you red and hot all over, and you opened up his texts. You weren’t sure how to even start, but perhaps you wouldn’t overthink it.

It was obvious to him how you felt, especially after that conversation, and you would just be yourself now.

There was only a month. There was no time to shy away from what you truly wanted.

No more holding back, or second-guessing.

you:

good morning hyun

are you home ?

His reply was instant, meaning he was awake and okay, and you leaned on the counter, waiting for him to type out his answer.

hyun:

morning yn :)

yes i am 

where else would i be at six am ?

you:

idk haha

im at the diner

are you coming here ?

i was thinking i could, like meet you before work

hyun:

oh

im sorry 

i don’t think i can

you:

is everything all right?

hyun:

i think i might be sick :/

you:

what??

what’s wrong?

hyun:

haha its nothing…

just my head hurts like a bitch

ive been up all night

You frowned, heart clenching at the thought of him being in pain.

“Here’s your coffee, love” Seonmi interrupted, placing a to-go cup in front of you, “Well…Hyunjin’s coffee”

“Actually…could I get some peppermint tea instead?” You asked, and she stared at you like you were crazy.

“You’re asking for tea?”

“Hyun is feeling sick” You told her, and just the words felt bitter in your mouth. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, he didn’t say much, just that his head hurts” You frowned.

“Oh” She pouted, “Of course. I’ll get you some right now, but it might get cold by the time you get it to him. Maybe the caffeine will help more?”

“You’re right” You stared at the coffee.

“Hey” She laughed, reaching forward to grab your hand, “Now you’re the one who looks stressed”

“I am… just worried about him”

“He’ll be fine. It’s only a headache” She hummed, returning to her chores, then teased, “Just friends, you say”

It was your turn to roll your eyes, “Friends can be worried, too”

“I know” She laughed, “It’s funny cause Eunbi keeps saying the same thing to me about her boy. Just friends”

“Who’s Eunbi dating?” You questioned, hoping some town gossip would distract you from Hyunjin being unwell.

Seonmi glanced up at you, lowering her voice so the other patrons wouldn’t hear, “Oh, they’re not dating. Just fucking”

“I didn’t know Eunbi is into that kind of situation” You noted, grabbing Hyunjin’s coffee in your hands.

“Yeah! I honestly didn’t think Felix would be either but like…they’re both hot, so I completely get it”

“What?” You looked up, stopping in your movement.

She flippantly glanced at you, “Yeah…her and Felix”

“Wait…what?”

She chuckled, “They’re fucking…I just told you. You didn’t know?”

“No…” You trailed off. 

Is that what Felix wanted to talk to you about?

She stared at you, realisation dawning on her face, “Oh. I thought everybody knew”

“I didn’t” You stated, perhaps too harshly.

“Fuck. You’re…not in love with him or anything, right?”

“What?”

She shrugged, “I mean…you two have been…you know…best friends since-”

You frowned, grabbing your bag off the counter, “No. I’m just taken aback…”

“You sure?” Seonmi frowned, eyebrows knitting together.

You stared at her, “Yeah. I’m sure”

“Well, I’m sure he was gonna tell you soon. Maybe he just forgot”

“Yeah. We’re not really talking right now” You mumbled.

She nodded, “Ah. Eunbi mentioned that. Your fights”

“She knows about that…?”

She shrugged, knowingly, “Yongbok told her”

You squeezed the coffee cup in your hands, a bitter taste in your mouth but you didn’t have time to dwell on this right now, Hyunjin needed you, “I…um, I better get this coffee to him before it gets cold”

»»————-

It had only been a few minutes since you knocked at his front door, the floral wreath hung on the front shaking every time you did so, but nobody had come to the door yet.

You should be patient and wait a bit more.

But your mind assumed the worst, like what if Hyunjin passed out…or fell so sick he couldn’t get out of bed? 

You had half a mind to bring out your phone to ask him where he was because he said he’d be home, but your hands were unfortunately occupied by the coffee. 

The revelation from the diner was still bothering you, but now, you had more important things to worry about.

“Hyun?” You called out loud, in the hope that maybe if he didn’t hear the knocking, he’d hear your voice.

In response though, you heard a bark, making you jump out of your skin.

Kkami.

He was nearby, and you stepped off Hyunjin’s porch, following the sound of his puppy’s excited mewling and barks.

“Kkami?” You asked, tentatively, peeking around the side of his house. 

You don’t know how you hadn’t noticed this before. 

A little metal gate, rusted, led to a back garden.

The path was surrounded on either side by overgrown vines and flowers. 

You hadn’t ever come here before. 

Well, technically you’d only been to Hyun’s house once and hadn’t seen anything except his bedroom. The memory made you warm, and you relived it in your head as you pushed open the rusted garden gate. 

The path ran along the side of Hyunjin’s house, and stepping over the pebbles, you passed the windows of his kitchen and living room.

You were trespassing, technically, but he would understand, right?

“Kkami…?” You called out again, emerging into the back garden, when the little ball of fluff ran head-on towards you, jumping at your body with enough force, catching you off guard. 

The surprise knocked you and the coffee to the ground, and the cup overturned, spilling all over your top.

“Ow” You mumbled, hitting the grass, as Kkami began licking your hand, and the coffee soaked all the way through your shirt. 

It was already cold by now, so it didn’t burn. Still, frustration coursed through you because you’d carefully sought this coffee for him, and now you wouldn’t even be able to give it to him.

“Oh my god” Hyunjin’s voice interrupted your short-lived misery, and you looked up, an impossible frown on your face. 

A frown that melted immediately, with the sight that you were greeted.

Hyunjin.

He sat cross-legged on the grass, across the garden, a soft white sweatshirt enveloping him.

A paper-thin novel was held between his hands, glasses pushed up to his hair, and you had half a mind to question just why Hyunjin was up at six am on a weekend, and reading a goddamn poetry book, but that wasn’t the craziest thing about him today.

His hair.

Wispy bangs fell into his eyes, the color of fucking chocolate.

What the fuck?

Your annoyance at Kkami was forgotten, and so was any semblance of a thought you had in your head. Talk about a fucking cliche.

“Y/N…” He immediately stood up, placing his book to the side, face-down on the grass, and you worried that the pages would get wet, but Hyunjin didn’t seem to care about that right now. 

He rushed to you, bending down to your height, “I’m sorry, Kkami. He…”

Carefully, he pried the puppy away from you, telling him to go sit in a hushed whisper, before he turned back to face you.

You felt silly, sat on the grass on your butt, with just your palms supporting you, coffee soaking through your work clothes, staring at him.

Had his eyes always been that pretty?

The light-brown hair brought out the hazel in his eyes, which seemed even brighter now, and every romance book you’d heard Hana talk about suddenly made all the sense in the world, as you felt yourself get sucked into the depth of his gaze.

“You okay?” He tilt his head, the movement making his bangs shift, and you noticed that the side strands were longer, framing his face perfectly.

His brows were darker now too, to match the hair, and just when you thought you couldn’t go absolutely insane about him anymore, he’d prove you wrong by doing something like this.

His lips, puffier than usual, curled up into a smile when he noticed you staring so blatantly.

“Yeah” You cleared your throat, “You…you said you were sick”

So he just forgot to tell you this morning that he’d completely changed his hair?

“I am” He chuckled, then his gaze fell to your top, “You’ve got coffee on you”

“Oh” You glanced down at it, and you didn’t feel anything, or maybe you were too enamored by the boy to feel any pain. 

He must be a fucking siren, or a creature of some sort to have this sort of effect on you, even after all this while. Everything you’d been worrying about seemed like a distant memory, a problem you didn’t have to deal with, and all he’d done was say five words to you.

“Are you hurt? I’m sorry about your coffee…Kkami is misbehaving a lot-”

“It’s actually your coffee” You stated, looking back up at him, finally finding your bearing on coherent words and sentences, “Well…was your coffee”

“Mine?” He smiled, “You brought that for me?”

You nodded and added, stupidly, “I…was at your front door, but you weren’t there, so I…came in through the metal gate”

“Yeah. I was here” He explained, even though it was obvious, “Are you sure you’re not hurt?”

You nodded, reassuring him, “I’m okay, but…if you’re sick, why are you out here?

“I needed some fresh air. My head…” He grimaced as another bout of pain hit him.

Without thinking, you reached forward, caressing his face, and Hyunjin was taken aback, just slightly.

Your voice was low, soft, “It hurts?”

His eyes fixed onto yours, as your fingers trailed down his jaw, “Yeah”

“I’m sorry” You spoke, “Where does it hurt?”

He grabbed your hand within his, long fingers wrapping around your wrist, and guided it to just above his eyes, brushing past his bangs, “Right here, but…don’t worry about me”

“Let me take care of you” You blurted, touching him delicately.

His eyes closed, and he smiled, relishing in the feeling, “I need to get you out of these clothes first”

“What?” 

His eyes shot open, realisation sinking in, “I mean…the coffee. You have to change”

“Oh, okay”

“Come on” He gestured, helping you stand up, with your unsteady feet. The cup of coffee lay upturned on the grass, along with your bag. Hyunjin held your hand in his own, and bent down to pick up your bag with his other. He slung it over his shoulder, tugging the strap tightly.

You looked around the back garden, and it was so beautiful that you had to do a double take just to take everything in.

“It’s amazing” You breathed, watching Kkami play in the grass, tossing and turning around. Your gaze fell to the book that lay open on the grass, and Seonmi’s words came to mind, “What were you reading?”

“I can tell you that later, when you’re warm and dry” He chuckled, then touched your lower back to guide you into the house, “Come”

You nodded, his touch sending a tingle down your spine, but let him lead you into his house. 

It was crazy, that just yesterday you were so bold, talking about the things you wanted him to do to you, and now…now you were going into overdrive just at his hand on your back.

You craned to look at him, “Are you in a lot of pain?”

He shook his head, “I’ll be fine”

There was another entrance at the back of the house, sliding doors opening up to reveal his living area, warm wooden floors and cosy seating. Kkami ran in just after the two of you, jumping around the futon.

“Do you want to wear something of mine?” Hyunjin asked, leading you to his bedroom. You’d been so lost in him that you’d forgotten what you were doing here. 

You had initially been on your way to work.

“I have…a hoodie in my bag. An extra one” You told him, “I brought it in case it gets cold”

He stopped at the threshold of his doorway, looking at you, “Well, that’s perfect then”

“Yeah” You nodded, “Can I change in your bathroom?”

“Of course” He smiled, and you stepped inside.

Being back here after all this time, was strange. 

His bed was exactly the same kind of messy, but covers and duvets now switched out for a sky-blue color, and his pillows were lined up against the wall. 

It made you want to lie down, since you were severely lacking sleep, but you had work, and this bed wouldn’t probably be big enough for the two of you.

The thought was ridiculous anyway, but it left you wondering.

Last night, you were on your way here in your lustful daze, and if Yeonjun hadn’t been heartbroken, you would have come here. 

The canvases leaning against the far wall were new; you could tell he’d been working on so much art in your absence. Paint canisters were haphazardly placed across the floor, and you carefully walked amongst them, hoping to not knock over any.

Pushing open the door to his bathroom, you placed your bag on the counter, searching through for your hoodie.

Hyunjin leaned on the doorway, watching you, peacefully. He must be in more pain than he let on, because he was hardly saying anything.

You glanced at him, eyebrow raised, “Are you… going to stay here while I change?”

He laughed, “No, I…I’m just…Never mind”

He turned around, giving you the privacy you needed. 

You peeled off your tank top, scrunching it up over the sink to squeeze the liquid out, and you both didn’t address the fact that you hadn’t closed the door, instead letting Hyunjin stand facing the other way.

If he turned, he would see you in just your bra, but you honestly didn’t even mind, or care.

Glancing at yourself in the mirror, you wiped the sticky coffee from your forearms.

“I’m sorry about Kkami” He spoke again, and you glanced at his back. It was cute, how he stood facing the other way, arms crossed, like a kid on a timeout. His hair grazed just past his shoulders, the chocolate brown contrasting perfectly with his sweatshirt.

“It’s all right” You smiled, running the shirt under water.

“Are you dressed?” He asked.

“Not yet” You told him, pushing your arms through your spare sweatshirt, “I’m… really upset”

“Why?” He asked, surprise in his tone.

“The hot drink…it was supposed to make you feel better” You frowned. “Now I don’t have anything to give you”

“That’s okay” He laughed, “I already feel better”

“Your head doesn’t hurt anymore?” You asked, looking over at him.

“No, it does hurt but some sleep will make me feel better” He laughed, “Are you dressed now?”

You glanced at him, a soft smile overtaking you, “No”

Hyunjin nodded, a small ‘Okay’ leaving his lips.

You laughed, pushing your sweatshirt down to cover up, “Why are you so impatient? But yeah, I am dressed now”

He immediately turned around at those words, and pulled you in for a hug, like he’d been counting down the seconds till you could be in his arms. You stumbled into his embrace, surprised at his urgency.

“Thank you for coming to see me, Y/N” He mumbled, face buried in your hair, and you brought your hands up, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“You don’t have to thank me” You smiled, dying but living for the warmth of his body.

He squeezed you in his embrace, “I do”

It was a simple hug. It felt so innocent, so tame, so mild compared to last night, yet the carnal desire you felt for him was just the same, if not more now.

How could Hyunjin be more desirable when he wasn’t even trying to be?

All he was doing was hugging you in his little bathroom, surrounded by potted plants, and fragrances, and candles, and they were all so him.

Pulling away, you looked up, noticing the puffiness of his eyes, “You look so tired”

“I had a stressful night…after you told me you couldn’t come” He explained, “I ended up calling Chan, and we talked up until five”

“Five am? So…you haven’t slept at all?” 

He nodded, a forced smile as he shrugged, “Guilty”

“Hyun…” You frowned, “You need to get some sleep, now”

He sighed, “Now? I’ll end up sleeping through the day if I do, and I…don’t want to waste any time”

“Waste?” You questioned, “It’s not waste. You’re…just sleeping”

“Yeah” He swallowed, “But…”

“But?” 

“But you won’t be here” He finished, “And I would much rather…spend time with you. I know you have work today, I was thinking I could come in to the shop. I promise I won’t distract you, I could sit and read. You won’t even know I’m there. Or I could paint”

You couldn’t help but smile, heart swelling at his eagerness, “If you’re there…I won’t be focusing on my work, Hyun”

He shook his head, as if he’d already prepared the answer, “Then I can sit in the back room. You won’t know I’m there”

You giggled, “Then what’s the point?”

He tilt his head, “The point is… that I’ll be close to you”

Your smile grew, and you tightened your grip on his waist, “You…changed your hair”

His eyes widened, “Yeah. I did. Took you long enough to notice”

“I noticed it the second I saw you. I just-”

“You didn’t say anything” He interrupted.

Your gaze followed the light-brown tendrils as they grazed his jaw, “I don’t even know what to say” 

“You hate it?” His smile fell.

You shook your head instantly, “No. It’s…It… reminds me of chocolate”

His lip tilted up, “Good enough to eat?”

You laughed, letting go of his waist, “I take the flirting as a sign that you’re feeling better”

“Mmh”

“You still need to get in bed”

“Are you gonna show me how much you like it in bed?” He asked, and you laughed.

“Shut up” You pushed him, lightly, “It’s unlike you to ask for validation”

“It’s unlike you to be so flippant to me” He pouted, walking back into his room. 

It was hot inside so he pulled off his sweatshirt, revealing the tight black t-shirt he wore inside. The neckline dipped low enough to reveal his collarbones, and it was different from the more oversized shirts he usually wore. He stretched his arms, a small yawn escaping.

“I…have to get to work” You realised, “I’m gonna make you some coffee first though, is that okay?”

He glanced at you, in surprise, “You don’t have to”

“Caffeine will help with the pain”

He shook his head, “I promise I’ll take a nap after you leave”

“Okay” You nodded, grabbing your bag, “I’ll…get going then”

You passed him to leave, but he reached out, tugging at your tote bag to stop you.

You looked at him, “What, Hyun?”

“Aera’s doesn’t open until another forty two minutes, and it’ll only take you eight to get there” He hummed matter-of-factly, with the convincing powers and puppy-eyed gaze of a kid who wanted to go to Disney.

“What’s gotten into you?” You laughed, but let him take your bag, indulging him in his little request. He was right, after all. 

You had to make the most of your time with him, even if it were stolen little moments like this.

You leaned against the bedroom door, eyeing him up, as he put your bag to the side, and he clearly didn’t plan on letting you leave anytime soon.

He bent down to gather the stray paintbrushes on the floor, “I just felt like spending some time with you. Is that so wrong?”

You smiled, looking around the room, “Why is all your shit everywhere?”

He glanced up at you, “I paint when I’m stressed”

“Oh” You recalled, “You were painting last night when you called me”

“I was” He hummed, “When do you get off work?”

“Couple of hours”

“You don’t work Saturdays, usually”

“You have my schedule memorised?” You raised your eyebrow, wanting to tease.

“It’s not that hard” He rolled his eyes, “You work alternate days”

“Right”

He kneeled onto the floor, pulling out a wooden basket from underneath his bed, placing paint tubes inside it. 

You weren’t sure what to do as he started packing his art supplies. 

He wasn’t even saying much, as you stood leaning against the door, observing him, recognising the tune he hummed to himself.

He bent over, and whenever he did his shirt would fall forward, allowing you a glimpse of his chest.

Every time you met, you pushed another boundary, crossed another threshold, and after he talked about fucking you last night, you obviously weren’t just friends anymore.

The energy felt...so different, but it was never uncomfortable.

3 a.m. Hyunjin was a stark contrast from 7 a.m. Hyunjin, and...you loved both.

It felt so strangely calm, so domestic, so heartwarming.

It was seven am on a regular Saturday morning, and you were in Hyunjin’s bedroom, as he cleaned up.

A pink tube then slipped from his hands, rolling under the bed, and he cursed, “Shit”

“Let me” You offered, kneeling to join him on the floor.  You stretched to reach for the watercolour tube, and underneath his bed were discarded hairbands, pencils, and a bag of treats for Kkami. Cute.

After retrieving it, Hyunjin smiled at you, whispering a ‘Thank you’ as he placed it inside the original packing.

“One day you should really let me organise your art supplies”

He tilt his head, “Can that day be today?”

You laughed, “I told you. I have to go to work”

He shrugged, “Skip it”

“Oh, will you start paying my bills when I eventually get fired from Aera’s for slacking?”

“Yeah I will” He said, without hesitation.

Your eyebrows shot up, “Shut up, Hyun”

“Shut up?” He gasped, “Can’t believe you’re being so mean to a sick boy”

“Oh” You realised, reaching forward to cup his cheek, “It still hurts a lot?”

He smiled, leaning into your touch, “Less when you’re here”

You dropped your hand, heart clenching, “I wish I could stay then”

“But you don’t work Saturdays, so why today?”

“Mina wanted me to help with the stock…we have some new supplies coming in, and just needed to get my mind off something 

“Something like what?”

“You don’t have to worry about it, Hyun”

“Maybe I could get your mind off it”

You crossed your arms, “What if you’re the thing I need to get my mind off?”

He frowned, “Did I do something wrong?”

You laughed, “No, don’t worry about that”

He closed the wooden lid, gripping the box, “Last night…You said Yeonjun wasn’t feeling all right. Is he okay now?”

“It’ll take time. He’s just having a hard time, with Hana”

“Oh”

You shrugged, “Love sucks, I guess”

He laughed, “You got that right”

You sat back on your ankles, looking around the room, “What was the book you were reading?”

“Oh. I left it out in the garden. Could you get it for me?

"Yeah, once you tell me what it’s about”

Hyunjin smiled, pushing the box back under his bed, “It’s about fate”

You slid open the doors to the back garden, cold morning air rushing in. Plants of all kinds grew alongside the wooden fence. You wonder if it was him, or his aunt who had planted them. 

Picking up the book, you saw the page it was open to had been creased. 

Hyunjin had marked some pages, left little notes, annotating it, and he must have read through it countless times, so you asked him about it when you came back, “So why are you reading a book about fate this early in the day?”

Hyunjin was still sat on the floor, except his head was buried in his hands, “Fuck. I really shouldn’t have stayed up”

You immediately abandoned the book, stepping up to him, “Hyun. What’s wrong?” 

He mumbled, ‘I’m okay’, running a hand through his hair, but he clearly wasn’t okay.

“Come on, let me get you into bed” You gripped his arms so you could pull him up, but he stayed where he was.

“I’m fine” He answered, through gritted teeth.

You tilt his chin up, so he’d look at you. His eyes were tired, puffy and red, and he looked terribly sleep-deprived.

“Why do you not want to sleep?”

His voice turned soft, “Because then you’ll leave”

“Hyun…” Your heart melted, “I’ll be back in a few hours, you’ll barely notice that I was gone”

He pouted, “I'll notice”

You smiled, tilting his chin up to look at you, “Why are you trying to be cute?”

“Trying?” He acted offended.

“Fine” You rolled your eyes, “Why are you being cute? You know I don’t actually want to go, but...unfortunately we live in a capitalist society and I need to pay the bills”

“I fucking hate capitalism”

You laughed, “Come on. What’s wrong?”

“I just...like being around you” He shrugged, “And now that...you won’t be moving for the program in the city, I don't know when I’m gonna see you again. I was really looking forward to meeting you in Seoul”

“I know, me too, but you'll see me every day for the rest of this month. Isn’t that enough?”

It was ironic that you were saying that, because it obviously wasn’t enough even to you.

Something flashed through his eyes, an emotion you couldn’t recognise and he mumbled, “I guess”

“Hyun, we have time to deal with that later, but can I bring you some Aspirin now?”

“I’m just so fucking tired of this shit” He mumbled.

“What shit?”

He glanced at you, “If I tell you…you’ll be stressed too”

Your eyebrows knit together, confused at what he was talking about now, “Please tell me, Hyun”

He sighed, running another hand through his hair, “Okay. It’s just…it might upset you, and you’re going to be thinking about it all day at work. I know it”

“I don’t care, I want to understand why you’re feeling this way”

His eyes were heavy with emotion, “Are you sure, Y/N?”

It scared you, what he wasn’t telling you, but you had to know.

“You’ve been upset about this, for weeks, Hyunjin. I…maybe I can help, or make you feel better somehow”

He shook his head, a chuckle escaping, “You can’t make me feel better about this”

Ouch.

“Oh. Okay”

He looked up at you, “Shit. That’s not how I meant it. I mean…nobody can do anything, it’s a fucked up situation”

“I’ll try my best to understand it then”

He sighed, leaning back, fiddling with the string on his sweatpants, “It’s…about Jisung. I had to leave Yeonjun’s place early yesterday, because…there’s been some stuff going on with Jisung, and it’s just so frustrating”

“What’s going on?” You asked, hoping you didn’t overstep with your questions.

He looked up at you, “Under my company, we have this…sort of contract, a contract that’s responsible for our health. Mentally and physically. They ensure we’re okay, because it can get stressful and tiring, for our bodies…do you get it?”

“Yeah. That’s a good thing, right?”

He nodded, “It’s supposed to be, yes. It is a good thing. If it weren’t for that, I probably wouldn’t be eating well, or getting enough sleep”

“What do you mean?”

He swallowed, “I mean…sometimes the company wants us to be in a certain…shape for an album, or a photoshoot. The pressure of that can be a lot, but this…this contract, it basically makes sure that they don’t push us too hard”

“Right”

He added, “It’s because of that contract that I was able to come back home, because they recognised that I needed some space. Most people in my line of work…they don’t get that freedom or liberty”

“The freedom…to go home?”

Hyunjin laughed, sore, “Yeah. I know how it sounds. It’s really rare for someone to go on a voluntary hiatus…like I did. They never allow it”

“Oh”

“And part of that contract is…we have these weekly appointments with a ….therapist, I guess you could say? I’m not sure what her specialisation really is, but she…talks to us and checks in with us every few weeks, to make sure we’re doing okay, and if we’re stressed about anything.

She works with the company, so it’s nice to have someone to depend on, and someone to just…rant to at the end of a really horrible month, you know?”

Even though he was telling you something nice, you could tell what he was leading up to wouldn’t be because his shoulders were tense and his voice was harsh. 

He was stressed even just talking about it, and you suddenly regret asking him to explain it to you.

You nodded, wanting to comfort him, hands itching to touch him somehow, but you kept your distance, “That’s…really nice, Hyun”

He nodded, “It is. Well…Jisung has been going to her much more often, ever since an article came out about him last month. The one you read. He was getting a lot of…negative public attention for the fight he was a part of, so he’s been seeing Mrs. Yoona far more often than the rest of us”

You nodded, unsure of what this was getting at.

“Mrs. Yoona…that’s the name of the woman we see. We talk to her every month” He clarified, and you were grateful he took his time to make sure you understood everything.

“Okay”

“Yeah…and…last week” Hyunjin sucked in a sharp breath, “I don’t know how it fucking happened, but someone got access to her files…which are supposed to be confidential”

Your breath caught in your throat, “What?”

“They…released everything about Jisung, everything he’s ever said in his… sessions, all of the things he’s anxious about, the things he hates about the job, stuff about his family, about his ex-girlfriend”

Your heart plummeted, a terrible feeling clawing at you, “They released it…publicly?” 

Hyunjin nodded, voice getting angrier, “I don’t know who the fuck it was. Probably someone from inside the company, but it doesn’t matter now, the files are out now, for every person in the fucking world to see, and it’s so unfair, because that shit’s supposed to be private. It’s his life, and…it’s not fair everyone gets to see it, and somehow use it against him”

His voice broke, and you immediately reached out to him, hand grabbing his, so he would know you were here, “I…I’m so sorry Hyun, that’s horrible” 

He nodded, looking up at you, “Yeah. It is”

“I’m sorry” You repeated, unsure what else you could say, but you felt sick. It was the worst kind of invasion of privacy, and you felt so angry.

Why the fuck would someone do that?

You couldn’t even imagine how Hyunjin felt.

“Yeah. Me too” He spoke, “I’m just on edge because of this”

“Do they…have your files too?” You asked, hoping you didn’t sound insensitive for asking about him, when something horrible had already happened with Jisung.

Hyunjin glanced at you, eyes widening, and he pulled you closer, “Y/N…please don’t worry about me”

“But-”

He cut you off though, “It doesn’t matter if they have it or not, or whatever they decide to do with it. That’s for me to think about. I can’t have you stressing about it”

“But…that’s impossible”

His expression softened, “That’s why I didn’t want to tell you”

“Hyun…” You squeezed his hand, “I’m really sorry that you have to deal with this. I wish…”

“It’s okay” He cut you off again, “I’ve been dealing with it half my life, it’s honestly not the worst thing that’s happened, which sounds so fucking cruel to say. Mostly, I’m just sad about Jisung, but he’s holding up okay for now”

Your phone suddenly buzzed, because Mina was calling you.

“I’m gonna tell her I’m gonna be late” You pulled your phone out of your denims to text her.

Hyunjin watched you do so, “You don’t have to, please”

 “Yes, I do” 

“Y/N” He reached up to stop you, “Forget what I said before. I don’t want you to miss work because of me”

“Hyun…this is more important” You told him, but your heart was pounding, “You should lie down now, you haven’t slept all night. I’m gonna get you some water, okay?”

He nodded, moving over to his bed.

You walked over to the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water for him, trying not to fucking panic about what he’d just told you.

You had to breathe.

Hyunjin needed you, and it would help no one if you also began freaking the fuck out. 

How could people do something like that?

You needed to be stronger than this, because you wanted to cry just thinking about how Jisung felt. 

You squeezed your eyes shut, to calm yourself, and then finished filling up the glass for him. 

There was stuff all over the kitchen counter, different kinds of Daejon-special snacks, sour candy, instant ramyeon packed into little ziplock bags. 

Was he going on a trip or something?

As you went back to the room, Kkami was on top of Hyunjin, sitting on his chest, as Hyunjin stroked his chin, fondly. He was lying down, hair spread out on his pillow, and he glanced at you.

“I think this is the first time he’s paying so much attention to me” He told you, smiling as he scratched Kkami.

“Maybe he knows you’re sick” You hummed, placing the glass of water on the bedside table, “Are you going somewhere? Your kitchen counter...is messy”

He shook his head, eyes wide, “Um, no. I was just cleaning... earlier”

That seemed like a blatant lie, but maybe he was planning a surprise, so you didn’t push. He probably needed any break he could get. He settled further into his blanket, staring at you, “So now you know why I had to leave, when we were at the pool”

Everything made more sense now.

That’s why he had left in a hurry, and skipped the dinner party at Yeonjun’s.

He must have heard about the scandal in that moment, and the thought of finding out something like that about your friend also made you want to cry.

You bent down to grab your bag, wondering why those people wouldn’t just leave him, and his friends alone.

“Are you all right?” He asked, at your silence.

“I’m just mad…at whoever did that to Jisung”

Hyunjin reached out, grazing your arm with his fingers, “Me too, but…that anger isn’t yours to have”

“Of course it is!” You spoke, eyebrows shooting up, “I care about you and I care-”

Hyunjin sat up, interrupting you, “Hey, hey. I know”

You squeezed your eyes shut, “You don’t deserve this. None of you do. I just..I don’t understand how this shit keeps happening and people actually get away with it? Why do they care so much about your lives-”

“Y/N…” He spoke, “Can you look at me?”

You reluctantly opened your eyes, and he leaned in closer, “I know you’re upset, but can you just…please promise me you won’t worry about this?”

“I can’t…” You blurted, “You know me, Hyun. I can’t promise you that”

Hyunjin shook his head, “Can you try? If you’re going to be around me… there will be a lot of this stuff happening. You can’t let it get to you”

You swallowed, knowing this conversation was futile right now, “Yeah. I’ll try my best. You could have told me about this last night, Hyun. I could have been there for you”

“I know. I was going to, but...I didn’t want to ruin a perfectly good night” He smiled, clearly trying to cheer you up, and last night’s intense conversation felt like a fever dream compared to now.

You swallowed, “But still-”

“When you come back. I’m gonna make you feel much better, okay?” 

You smiled at the new comfort between you, “I’ll see you in a few hours”

He laid back down, head resting on the pillow, “It’s cute. You…trying to take care of me”

You rolled your eyes, “Well, forgive me for caring about you, Hyunjin”

He grabbed your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours, “I will be okay”

You stared at him, and he stared up at you, sleepily, eyes barely open.

You should be the one making him feel better.

Your impulse won, and you leaned forward, pressing your lips to his forehead.

He murmured, “When you’re done at work, you can let yourself back in. The key is next to the window, under the daisy”

“The key?”

“To my place”

Your heart stirred, “Hyun-”

He curled up into his duvet, eyes drifting shut, “I’ll see you soon, Y/N”

You closed the door to his bedroom, peeking at him one last time as he buried a hand under his pillow. Hopefully he would fall into a deep, restful, stressless slumber.

The walk to Aera’s wasn’t long from his place, but you took your time, savouring every moment that warmed your heart, but your gut twisted with the new knowledge you had gained.

You had many more questions about the Jisung thing, but it wasn’t the right time to ask. 

How could Hyunjin be so kind, despite the horrible things happening in his life? You would think that such hate would turn people cruel.

And despite all that fucking stress, he still called you last night. He stayed up with you, trying to make you feel good, even though your problems were nothing compared to his.

Aera’s came into view, and you could see Mina inside, idling away on the cash counter, probably playing a game on her phone. 

In front of her lay a large bouquet of flowers, and your curiosity peaked. 

Who sent Mina flowers?

As far as you knew, she wasn’t in a relationship, and her latest hookup had ended badly, yet a beautiful arrangement of daffodils was sent to her.

Your gut twisted, in part envy and some inspiration.

Maybe after you left work, you could bring some flowers for Hyunjin.

It would barely do anything to cheer him up, but it was still a nice gesture that you know he would appreciate.

You hope he felt much better when he woke, less in pain, more at peace.

You stopped in your tracks, just outside the steps.

You’d forgotten to give him the medicine.

What if he woke up, and was looking for it? What if his head hurt again?

You were so stupid for forgetting it. It was one of the reasons you’d gone over to his place in the first place.

Aera’s was right here and you were late, but it would only take you ten minutes to get to his place and back. You needed to make sure he was okay.

For a minute you stared at the little art shop, but then you thought of the frown lines in his forehead and the sadness in his eyes and your heart eventually won the argument. 

»»————-

The key was next to the Daisy ornament, as he had promised.

It felt invasive, to enter his home, and when you pushed open the door to his room, Hyunjin was deep asleep.

He was on his side, face pressed into the pillow, covers pulled up to his chest. 

Kkami wasn’t in sight, so you walked over to his bedside table, placing the pills, a bottle of water, and a candy bar.

Just in case he was hungry.

He sure seemed at peace, eyelids shifting slightly. He was dreaming.

What kind of things did Hyunjin dream of?

You hope all the terrible shit in his life didn’t invade his subconscious, and you wish you could stay here.

You gripped the spare key, reaching for the doorknob, but his voice startled you.

“Y/N...?”

Fuck. 

You hadn’t been quiet enough, and now you’d stupidly woken him up.

“Yeah?” You turned around, and he was clearly awake and you didn’t imagine hearing him say your name. He shifted around in his blanket, to face you.

“You’re back…” He mumbled, a sleepy smile, voice hoarse, “How was work?”

Your eyebrows shot up.

You hadn’t even gone to work yet, and it had only been fifteen minutes since you left but…it seemed like he’d lost all sense of time, and clearly been dreaming away.

You stood still, staring at his body under the covers, as he looked at you, waiting for a response.

“Hyunjin, I…”

“Was it not a good day?” He sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes, a frown on his lips, and the kind of person he was, of course his first question was to worry about you, about your day, which hadn’t even happened yet.

In the early morning sunlight, snuggled up in his blanket, brown hair tousled from sleep, Hyunjin looked absolutely perfect.

His hair fell into his face and eyes, and his bangs were cut completely wrong, but god, you wish you could have explained to him how much you absolutely cherished his new hair.

It brought a sense of familiarity, and of warmth, liquid fire running through your veins.

Like the first sip of coffee on a long day. 

Like the sunset on Jeju Island. 

Like a book character crafted just for you. Like an angel that fell to Earth.

You could stare at him forever.

He opened his eyes half-way through, confused why you weren’t answering, “Y/N?”

You had a choice.

You could go back to Aera’s and help Mina with the stock, yet be consumed by thoughts of Hyunjin all day.

Or —

“No, work was…great” You smiled, giving in.

Giving in to the only thing you could ever want.

Him.

“I’m so glad” Dimples appeared in his cheeks, as he smiled, “I hope Mina didn’t overwork you”

You walked over to him, voice soft to not disrupt his sleepy subconscious, “She didn’t”

“Are you tired?”

“Yeah”

His lips curled into a frown, rubbing his eyes again, “Oh. So…you have to go home?”

Another choice.

It was time to stop resisting.

“No. I don’t have to go”

But it would always be him.

“Is it all right if I stay here with you, Hyun?” 

The smile grew on his face, reaching all the way to his puffy eyes, and he instantly shifted, to make way for you, “Of course”

You don’t know what you were thinking, or if you even were thinking. You slipped off your sneakers, pushing them under the bed, next to the discarded items Hyunjin had long forgotten about. 

Your hesitation disappeared, and it ceased to exist, so you climbed into Hyunjin’s bed.

The bed was small, not nearly big enough for the two of you, but it didn’t matter because you squeezed yourself next to him. Hyunjin pressed himself up against the wall, making way for your body, and to share his pillow with you.

There were no words spoken, like it was habit - routine that you just slipped in next to him, like you weren't friends who could never be lovers, like this was what your everyday looked like, like this was all normal.

It was your first time climbing into his bed, but it felt like the most natural thing to do, like it was your fate, no matter how mundane it was.

The only sound was the ruffling of sheets, as he pulled the blanket over your body to cover you up. 

The bed was so little - all of your limbs touched his, and your noses were inches apart, sharing the same breath on his baby blue pillow.

“Are you comfortable?” He voiced.

“Mmh” You reached over, hand tracing his cheek, “You?”

“I’m perfect” He smiled, a yawn overtaking him soon after, “Although I’m still soo tired…it’s like I barely got any sleep”

You laughed, knowing he voiced the truth, “Go back to sleep, Hyun”

He nodded, “And…what about you?”

You slid your hand under the pillow, staring at him, “I will too"

Hyunjin’s hand moved under the blanket, reaching over to your waist. He pulled you closer, his chest pressing against yours, and your fond heart melted.

“You deserve to rest. You work too hard” He mumbled.

The guilt of skipping work crept over you, but…you needed to be selfish today, and you’d never felt this kind of calm before.

It was just one day you missed.

He was forever.

The way his legs fit between yours, and his hand on your body, was forever.

He tilt his head, voice coming out whiny in his reverie, “What are you thinking?”

“Just…about you”

“What about me?” He whispered.

You pushed back the uneven hair from his eyes, and his forehead, words slow because sleep was crawling over the two of you like a wave in the ocean, “I wish I could make everything easier for you”

A dimple appeared in his cheek, “You already do”

You smiled at his words, eyes drifting shut, but you had to ask,“Your head…does it still hurt?”

Hyunjin didn’t answer, and you thought he must already fallen asleep, but when you opened your eyes, he was looking right at you.

Eyes half-lidded, he was staring at you, “You’re so beautiful…”

Heart squeezed in your chest, an unsafe amount of emotions overwhelming you, and you mumbled, “Hyun…”

There was so much to say, but you couldn’t even comprehend your feelings in the moment. His body was so warm, safe, familiar, and it belonged there, and nothing could convince you otherwise. His eyes were so puffy and they kept drifting shut, and then just like that…he was asleep.

You stared at him as he fell asleep, at a loss for words. You thought you were getting used to the way you felt around Hyunjin, but truthfully you could perhaps never get used to it.

You’d never felt this way before.

You’d do anything for him.

You would do whatever he wanted in the world, and go wherever he wanted you to, and the thought was so scary that you almost cried.

It was good that he fell asleep, because the next words at the tip of your tongue were far too dangerous to be said at a time like this.

You would have told him you loved him. 

You were sure of it.

You loved him more than it was possible for humans to love each other, more than it was possible for you to love a boy you met just this summer, more than you should love someone you could never be with.

Just one second longer, and you would have blurted it out, because it was too strong an emotion to hold back anymore.

It’s a good thing he fell asleep when he did, and it was a good thing you didn’t say it.

If you told him how you truly felt about him, he would leave you.

You were sure of that, too.

»»————-

You woke slowly, and then all at once, eyes blinking awake, a steady heartbeat pulsing under your ear.

It took you a few seconds, to gather your bearings and to pull yourself out of this slumber, trying to make sense of where you were.

You’d been dreaming of stars…and you opened your eyes to the sun.

The blinds were pulled shut, subdued sunlight hitting the room.

Your fingers were clutching onto fabric, a t-shirt, and you were on top of Hyunjin.

Somehow, you’d moved in your sleep, your head pressed into his chest, which would explain why the first thing you heard was the sound of his heart.

Hyunjin’s chest rose, and fell, soft, calm. 

His face was pressed into your hair, and you wonder how he could even breathe, pushed up so close to you. His fingers dug into your sweatshirt, arm still wrapped around your waist.

What time was it?

There was no clock in his room, and you shifted, to reach for your tote bag. It lay by the side of the bed, your phone half-way out. You stretched your arm, but it was still out of reach. 

You didn’t want to wake him up, so you settled for not knowing what time it was, and perhaps you could exist in this moment forever, and never have it be stolen from you.

“It’s…just past ten” He breathed, and you shifted, to look at him. Your arm drifted, grazing his stomach, and it wasn’t until your fingers touched his bellybutton piercing that you realised his shirt had ridden entirely up, revealing bare skin.

“You’re awake” You stated, pulling yourself out of sleep, but everything was still hazy and blurry.

His eyes drifted open completely, “Mmh. I am”

He’d been awake a while, it seemed.

The reality of the situation set in.

You flushed, pulling your hand off his abdomen, even though you’d been enjoying the taut muscles of his stomach.

“Sorry…” You mumbled, “How long have you been up?”

Despite being wide awake, Hyunjin didn’t stop holding you.

“An hour…”

“An hour?!” Your eyes widened, “Why didn’t you wake me?”

He smiled, “Because you needed the rest”

“But…” You felt conscious, “Fuck, sorry, I was basically pinning you down, and you must have wanted to get up, to feed Kkami”

“Don’t worry, I already fed him” He laughed, chest moving with every chuckle.

You frowned, “You…did? How?”

“How?” He repeated your question.

“How did you…feed him?”

He laughed again, confused, “I got up and put food in his bowl”

The realisation sank in.

Hyunjin got up, fed Kkami, and then he—

“You came back to bed after that?”

He smiled, “I wasn’t going to leave you alone, you looked so comfortable”

Your heart skipped a beat as you stared at him.

You had been asleep, and he did all that without waking you. 

He…climbed out of the blanket, the bed, and then back in, snuggling up to you, holding you even tighter than before, without ever managing to wake you up.

A bashful smile tugged at your lips at the mental image, “I see”

“Mmh” He tilt his head, “Did you sleep well?”

“I did”

“Even after you lied to me?”

Your eyebrows shot up, “What?”

“You told me that you had a good day at work”

“Oh…”

“You didn’t have to skip work for me, Y/N. I was only kidding before”

You sat up, trying to fix your hair which must have been a mess after that unplanned nap, “I wanted to stay”

Hyunjin got up too, crossing his legs over the duvet, “Mina won’t be mad at you, right?”

You shook your head, rubbing the tiredness out of your eyes, “I can just take the afternoon shift”

He ran a hand through his sleep hair, pushing it back. You got lost in the way he did, brown curls falling across his jaw.

“When did you even get the time to dye it?”

A hoarse laugh escaped him, voice still groggy from sleep, “Late last night or early this morning…however you see it, after I finished taking to Chan”

“That’s why you got no sleep”

“Yup”

“Can I ask why you did it, Hyun?”

“I guess I just…needed a change. With everything that’s been happening” He looked down at his dye-stained hands, “I wanted to feel more like myself”

“And this…” You ran your hands through his hair, “…makes you feel more like yourself?”

He chuckled, “It’s silly, isn’t it?”

“No, not really”

 He nodded, “I guess I needed to remind myself of why I’m doing all of this. The last time I had my hair like this…I was still just a kid, before I had this kind of life”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah” He laughed, breathy, “I remember, at that time… I dreamed of debuting and making it big, and I was so…focused. It was like I had tunnel vision. I never thought this far ahead or about the stuff that comes after you become famous. I guess I was naive. But now when I look at myself in the mirror, it’ll be like looking at the seventeen year old version of me, and maybe I can dream his dreams again”

You smiled, running your hand across his jaw, “You’ve come so far, Hyun. I’m…really really proud of you”

His eyes crinkled as he looked at you, “You are?”

“Of course” You shifted onto your knees, to caress his cheek better, “I think you’re one of the strongest people I know”

Hyunjin’s hands landed on your thigh, and he laughed bitterly, “Thank you…but if I was actually strong, I wouldn’t have had to come back to town, or go through all of this shit”

Your heart clenched, and you nodded, “Right…”

If he was strong, he wouldn’t be here.

Maybe you were happy that he wasn’t strong.

A wave of guilt washed over you, so you turned away. 

You’d overstayed your welcome, and…Mina would be waiting for you.

Hyunjin’s hand on your wrist stopped you, “Wait. That’s not what I mean, Y/N”

“You don’t have to explain, Hyun” You spoke, putting your feet on the ground, hoping the cold floor would wake you up, but the floor was warm, warm like the bed, like his embrace.

Hyunjin stopped you from getting up. 

His grip on your arm pulled you back, closer to where he sat on the bed.

He explained himself, “No, I mean…I don’t regret it, at all. I just wish it was under better circumstances, you know? Coming back home…”

You wish it was under a better situation too.

You turned to look at him, “Yeah…but what did you really get out of coming back? A…drama-filled summer, a splitting headache, and…a really messy haircut”

Hyunjin’s eyes widened, “You think it’s messy?”

The tension was forgotten in seconds, and you couldn’t help but laugh, “Your bangs are…like completely messed up. I take it that this was your first time trimming it yourself, without a team full of stylists to help you”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me before” He narrowed his eyes, “What do you mean they’re messed up?” 

“They’re really uneven. It’s cute…but maybe you shouldn’t go out with this hair” you said, watching how the strands fell to his eyebrows.

“So, let me get this right. While I was baring my soul to you about my dreams, you were thinking about my hair?”

A giggle escaped you, “Maybe you can fix it”

His eyes widened, “You…you know how?”

“No…but…I can try”

“Okay, follow me” He got out of bed, gesturing for you to follow him, and you didn’t think he meant right now. 

He stepped into his bathroom, clearing the counter, and you noticed how tight his sweatpants suddenly seemed, stretching at the crotch.

You kept your distance, watching as he placed a box of tissues, and toothbrush holder to the side, trying not to focus on that. It was distracting.

You knew how anatomy worked, and you knew he couldn’t control that he woke up with morning wood, but it still made your brain fuzzy, like a stupid girl in love.

“Okay” He looked up you, and your gaze flickered back up to his face because there was no way you’d be caught staring at his fucking crotch.

“I’ve never done this before, so if I mess up…you can’t be mad at me” You spoke, as he hopped onto the marble counter, legs dangling off. He looked cute, staring up at you.

You don’t even know how you got here, from bringing him coffee this morning to napping in his bed, and to now attempting to cut his hair.

He ran a hand through his hair, “You just need to trim the ends, make it even, right?”

“Yeah” You stepped up to him. 

His shoulders relaxed, as he leaned back on the counter, “You’ll be fine. It’s not that hard”

You reached up to brush back his hair, “I mean, I think you did a pretty good job already. How long do you want them?”

“Just so they don’t fall into my eyes…” He told you, craning to look at himself in the mirror behind.

“Do you have a towel?” You asked.

His eyebrow shot up, a teasing smirk on his face, “A professional, are we?”

You rolled your eyes, “It’s just so it’s easier to clean, Hyun”

He smiled, pointing back to his room, “There should be a new one in my closet, on the upper shelf”

His wardrobe was surprisingly organised as you sifted through it, trying to find the towel. 

Your gaze landed on a ribbed burgundy t-shirt; you’d never seen him in it before. A silver zipper ran till the chest. You couldn’t even imagine how good he’d look in this.

“Did you just get this?” You asked, walking back with it, along with a towel.

Hyunjin was reading the label on a candle he lit, and he looked up at you, “Yeah. I haven’t got a chance to wear it”

“Oh, okay”

His lips tugged up, “You want me to put it on for you?”

You flushed, putting it back, “No, I was just curious”

“I’ll wear it for you later” He laughed, knowing you far too well because you’d never have asked, but you needed to see him in it.

Placing the towel on his lap, over his taut sweatpants, you hoped it would also serve as stopping the very obvious distraction. He didn’t even seem embarrassed or affected by it though. 

He hummed, “Thank you”

You laughed, tossing the hair in your hands, “Thank me after I’m done, this may turn out to look like shit”

“It won’t” He assured you, and you grabbed your phone.

“What are you doing?” He asked, “Texting while I’m asking you to help me?”

“I’m not texting” You rolled your eyes, tilting the screen to show him.

He read off your screen, “Step by step: How to a man’s hair”

“I don’t wanna mess up” You explained.

He giggled, loud laughter filling the bathroom, “Oh my god. You’re referring to a Wikihow article? I am truly doomed”

“They’re helpful sometimes, asshole” You pout, “We need to get your hair wet”

He nodded, leaning onto the mirror behind him, as you ran your hands under the sink to get them wet.

“It’ll be easier if I get in the shower” He suggested, and you glanced at him.

There was a smirk on his face at the recommendation.

“I…don’t think that’s necessary” You stated, flushing under his stare.

“It’s not like I’m going to get naked, Y/N” He laughed, “Don’t worry about it”

You shook your head, running your hands through his bangs to get them wet, droplets falling into his eyes. His eyes fluttered shut, and the drops of water trailed down his neck.

“Your shirt will get wet though” You added quietly, trying not to fixate on the trail of water that had made parts of his shirt see-through.

He blinked, wet hair falling into his face, “We should probably take it off then”

“Yeah” You swallowed, paused in your movements.

Hyunjin laughed, “Oh come on, it’s not like you’ve never seen me shirtless. You seem embarrassed—”

You immediately tugged at his shirt, pushing it up his chest, perhaps to prove that you weren’t affected by this. His eyes widened, and he clearly hadn’t expected you to take the initiative, but he smiled to himself, lifting his arms up, so you could pull it off completely. 

Once you got it over his head, and arms, he was flushing red.

“I don’t know Hyun” You hummed, “You’re the one who seems embarrassed now”

“Stop” He laughed. 

You tried not to get distracted, but in the soft light of the bathroom, his muscles seemed even more pronounced, the twinkle in his bellybutton catching your eye more often than you’d want.

You took in a deep breath, holding a hairbrush up, “Here goes nothing”

“If you ruin my hair, you should know some stylists in Seoul are gonna be very unhappy”

You laughed, untangling all the knots, “So…no pressure then, right?”

He shrugged, “Mmh, none at all”

“And they’re not going to be unhappy with your dye-stained hands?” 

He held his palms up, staring at them, as you pulled his hair taut, “It’ll wash off soon enough”

“Close your eyes” You spoke, “I don’t want to hurt you”

He nodded, and you carefully trimmed the front ends, choppy pieces of his bangs falling onto the towel in his lap. You had to make sure it was even, as you measured it roughly, and you’d never been a hairdresser but all those years engaging in crafts surely came handy now.

“You’re quiet” He spoke.

“I don’t want to mess up”

Hyunjin’s hand suddenly found it’s way to your waist, and you stilled, scissors in hand, “Unless you want me to accidentally stab you in the eye…don’t do that…not without warning”

He glanced up at you, despite the precarious position, gulping, “Sorry”

Just as he was about to move his hand back, you stopped him, “I…I didn’t say you have to stop touching me”

Realisation passed over his face, and he nodded, gripping you tighter.

Now that he held you, you felt more anchored, confidence flowing. You focused on what was left of the task, trimming the rest of his bangs as he watched you. 

Any other moment, you would feel conscious, because you were the only thing he was looking at, but today you didn’t.

“Are you almost done?” He asked, voice soft.

“Almost” You promised, putting the pink scissors away, to look at him.

The light-brown bangs fell just above his eyebrows, growing longer at the side, tucked behind his ears. The rest of the hair brushed his bare collarbones, almost a mullet in the back, shorter in the front.

There was barely anything to even fix, and maybe you just needed a dumb reason to be so close to him again. He knew that too, yet he indulged you.

You let yourself stare at him, seconds stretching into minutes.

It was perfect.

“Is it… all right?” He asked.

His eyes were blown wide, and curious, teeth biting into his plush lower lip, with apprehension.

“It’s beautiful, Hyun” You admitted.

His smile grew, “Really?”

You nodded, putting away the towel on his lap, “If you went to my school, everyone would have had a crazy crush on you”

His eyebrows shot up, “That’s…random”

You bit your lip, “I’ve been thinking about that a lot”

“About…school?”

“No” You shook your head, “About how things used to be. Everything seemed simpler back then”

He nodded silently, as if understanding exactly what you meant. After all, he’d just been talking about a similar thing -- about how things were easier before he debuted.

“Did you…have school too?” You asked him.

He laughed, “Of course I did”

“In Seoul?”

He nodded.

“Why didn’t you just go to the one here…in Daejon? Isn’t this your home?”

He smiled, “I had to go to the academy every day to train, before and after my lessons. It would have been impossible to travel so much if I was in Daejon”

“So you never visited home? What about your aunt? This is her place, right?”

He nodded, “It is, I’m taking care of it for her while she’s away”

“And your parents?”

“They moved with me to the city…” He explained.

“Do you miss them...now that you’re here?”

His gaze softened, “Yeah, I do, but…even when I was there, I couldn’t meet them often. I would try to talk to my mum every day at first, but over time that became…really tough”

“Why?”

“I was just…insanely busy. Not that it’s an excuse, but I just let myself get carried by the work, by the... responsibilities and what was expected of me”

Your hands gripped onto his bare shoulders, “When you go back, you’ll be busy again”

“Yeah”

“When do you even make time for yourself, between…all of that?”

He shrugged, “I...don’t. That’s why I cherish moments like this the most”

“I see” 

He tilt his head, “Do you think we’d be friends…if I went to your school in Daejon, instead of in the city?”

“Probably not”

Hyunjin frowned, “Wow. You didn’t even have to think about that”

You smiled, apologetic, “No, I just mean…I’d probably be too intimidated to approach you, and…you’d definitely be dating the most popular girl in high school”

He rolled his eyes, “Stop. That would never happen”

“Right. I forgot you don’t date”

His eyebrows knit together and he tilt his head, “You know that’s not what I meant”

You absentmindedly fiddled with the string on his sweats, twirling it within your fingers, “Hmm”

“What kind of girl were you, in high school anyway?” He asked, lazily leaning back against the mirror, allowing you a more prominent view of his collarbones, and his bare chest.

“What do you mean?” You laughed, “I was…the same”

His eyes were full of amusement as he watched you speak, and you couldn’t comprehend how…easy this felt. How domestic. 

Hyunjin sat across you, shirtless and just in sweatpants, as you talked about the most mundane things at eleven in the morning.

Is this what it’d be like? 

If he let himself love you?

“Minho told me differently”

Your eyebrows shot up, “What did he say?”

Hyunjin laughed, eyes crinkling into crescents, “He just said you were different, that you were…much louder”

You tilt your head, “As all teenagers are”

“He also told me you failed Art once”

You gasped, “He did?”

Hyunjin giggled, “Wanna tell me what that was all about?”

“The professor…felt differently than me. I actually had a full-blown argument with him in class” You recalled, “Man. I don’t think I’d do that today. I kind of regret it”

He smiled, “I’d love to see that. I’ve never seen you…angry. If it makes you feel any better, I’d definitely fail that art class too”

You laughed, “Why?”

He leaned forward suddenly, closing the little distance between you, “Why do you think?”

You lost your train of thought, getting swept up in his gaze, “I don’t know…”

“I would be too distracted… staring at you” 

Your heart sank, at what could have been, “Yeah…”

He laughed, breathy, “I’m sorry. I…shouldn’t say stuff like that, right?”

Your chest felt heavy, eyes landing to the floor, or anything else, “Yeah. You shouldn’t”

“But you have to know” He cupped your cheek, tilting your chin to look at him.

“Know…what?”

He swallowed, “That…I wish everyday for things to be different, and sometimes I wish I was just a boy you met in high school, instead of…who I am right now”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing” You frowned.

“It’s true. Things would be simpler if I was just…some Hyunjin, wouldn’t they? A nobody”

“No... Hyun, you can’t wish for that. You worked so much to be this. You are who you are, because that’s who you’re supposed to be”

“Supposed to?”

“Aren’t you the one who was reading all about stuff that fate earlier? Don’t you believe that you’re here right now in this part of your life, because you’re meant to be?”

He frowned, “Does that mean I’m…supposed to suffer too?”

“Suffer? That’s…a harsh word”

“You don’t agree?”

You nodded, “Things would be simpler, of course…but you told me that you don’t mind the bad stuff, because you love what you do”

“So you don’t wish for things to be different?”

You swallowed, admitting, “Obviously it would be easier if you were just Hyunjin, a boy from my art class, instead of…a world-famous member of a band"  

“You should stop thinking of me that way” He interrupted, pulling you closer between his legs.

“Even if I stop thinking of you like that, it doesn’t change the truth”

His eyes were soft as he spoke, “Maybe you can forget about it for a day”

“Forget who you are?” You laughed, “Before I knew that about you, it didn’t matter to me at all, but now...it affects every part of your life…it’s hard to just ignore what’s real”

What happened with Jisung just further solidified that for you. Hyunjin had run away from the fame, but it still found him, festering into his heart and mind. Miles away, he worried about it, defeating the sole purpose of him coming here.

His thumbs brushed under your shirt, “I know, but just for a day, don’t think about that”

“What should I think about then?”

“Think about how nice it’d be…if we were in another world, where I wasn’t me”

You frowned, “But who you are is... perfect. I don’t want that to change”

He closed his eyes, “I know you don’t…I’m sorry. I know it’s upsetting, but…I wish for a lot of stuff”

You leaned closer, brushing your thumb against his jaw, “What do you wish for?”

He leaned in, gaze piercing through your soul, “I wish for…a normal life. Wouldn’t I be happier then?”

Your heart stirred, “We all suffer, Hyun, even when we lead normal lives”

Hyunjin’s hand slipped around your neck, the space between your mouths almost negligible, “You want to know what true suffering really is, for me?”

“Yeah?”

“Being this close to you…and not getting to have you in the way I want”

Your voice trembled, “And…what way is that?”

“In every way that’s possible…I want you”

You moved in the same breath that he did, crushing his mouth to yours, before he could even finish speaking.

It didn’t matter who moved first. Your lips were on his, and he let out a satisfied groan, as you swallowed his words, his breath, his taste.

Your hands slipped into his freshly-cut hair, frantic as you kissed him, and he devoured you in open-mouthed kisses, and you could feel it all the way down to your toes, within the crevices of your heart, within the depths of your soul.

It was electrifying, the way he gave into you, like it was muscle memory at this point.

“Y/N-” A groan escaped his lips, between pecks. His hands slid around your waist. He pulled you flush to the counter until your hips met his, thighs closing around your body to trap you in his embrace.

A bottle of hand-soap knocked over onto the floor, as did the pair of scissors you’d held so delicately before, and earlier it was so tranquil but now it was so rushed.

He tilt his head, mouth crushed against yours, and it was already messy, saliva dripping down his chin, but you didn’t care.

Not after what he just said.

He tasted of lazy Saturday mornings, of books about fate, of home.

He tasted fucking perfect.

“Let me make you feel good” You whispered, “Please, please, please”

Despite the growing lust, he was still fucking polite, shaking his head, “No, let me-”

You pushed your tongue into his mouth to interrupt him, words slipping out in a rush, “You don’t have to suffer, not when it comes to me”

“I know” He whined fervently, in a heated daze. You were both burning up, and it was so hot inside this room, but he was the hottest boy that had ever existed. You wanted to do so much, but your time together wasn’t infinite, and the things you wanted to do to him were.

“Please let me do this” You mumbled, pecking his lips over and over.

“What are you going to do?” He whispered.

You fingers rest in his hair, and you pulled at the strands to tilt his head back with enough harshness to make him whine, allowing you access to his neck. 

Within seconds, you pressed a trail of kisses down his throat and jaw, nipping at his ear. 

“Fuck-” He moaned, as you bit onto his neck. Your other hand travelled up his body, fingers brushing against his chest, and his hips bucked up into nothing.

You should be more careful. You wanted to be delicate, but you couldn’t stop, and he couldn’t either, as he slowly rocked his hips against yours, to relieve the friction.

Hyunjin was restless, squirming, as you did so, and he suddenly whined, “Baby, don’t mark me”

You pulled back to look at him, “Why?”

His eyes were half-lidded but clearly he was still thinking straight, panting, “Someone… could see”

The disappointment must have been evident in your face because he immediately kissed you, whispering, “You can do anything else to me, I’m sorry”

You indulged him in the kiss, feeling his tongue in your mouth, as he explored you, grip strong on your jaw. His other hand pushed your sweatshirt up, and his lips were so fucking swollen, dripping with spit - yours and his.

It was messy, his hair was wet, and his hands were stained with dye as they travelled up your body, tracing each curve, under your sweatshirt. They brushed the wire of your bra, and he immediately paused, puling back to ask for permission.

Hyunjin had touched you before, but he’d always been so fucking respectful, never going into unfamiliar territory. Despite the heat of the moment, his eyes were shy, as he silently asked you if he could go further.

“You can…keep going” You nodded, pressing your lips to his again. 

It was all the approval that he needed, before his large hands squeezed your tits and you moaned, “Hyun-”

“Last night-” He began speaking, voice hoarse, “I wanted to touch you so fucking bad”

“Me too” You breathed, “You made me crazy…with what you said. I’m sorry I couldn’t come over”

“I’m sorry too” He apologised so sweetly, but he groped you so filthily, fingers pulling back the lace of your bra, ”I’m sorry I couldn’t make you feel good, when that’s all I ever fucking want to do”

He made you clench, “Fuck, Hyun I promise when I came over this morning, I…I wasn’t expecting this”

He shook his head, kissing the corner of your mouth, “I know, I know, you were just being so fucking sweet, you’re always so sweet”

“I was— I was just so worried about you” You admitted, but every word was difficult when you couldn’t breathe. Every word was difficult when his tongue slipped into your mouth, and you gave up on speaking, to just taste and devour him.

“I know. You care about me far too much” He mumbled, pulling back to gaze at you.

“Does it still hurt you?” 

“If I say yes--”

“I’ll make it go away” You promised.

“How?” He breathed, chest heaving, wondering what you could possibly do to take away the pain.

Your hand landed on his lap, and he was clearly so turned on, and you gently squeezed him through his sweatpants.

A loud moan escaped him, back arching at the sudden sensation, “Oh my god…”

“Is it okay if I go on?” You asked, against his lips.

“Please, I might die if you stop”

You smiled at his words,“You’re hard”

“I know” He chuckled, eyes half-lidded.

“Is that because I kissed you?” You teased, pecking kisses down his jaw, as you palmed his cock through his sweats, “Or is it because I’m touching you?”

“It’s because you’re you” He groaned, head thrown back against the mirror.

Suddenly, a buzzing caught your attention, and your phone vibrated against the bathroom counter. Still, you didn’t stop touching him.

“Baby…” He moaned, his voice was hoarse, trying to find his way to a sentence, “Your…your work”

“Don’t think about that right now” You told him, kissing under his ear, sucking over the sensitive spot, “Just let me take care of you”

Your hands hovered over the string of his sweats, “Can I?”

He nodded, frantically, “I told you. Do whatever you want...to me. You don’t even have to ask”

“Okay” You undid the knot, loosening the waistband of his sweatpants, and Hyunjin held his breath, abs clenching tightly, as you slipped your hand inside, feeling him bare.

He let out a whimper, “Oh god”

Your fingers wrapped around his entire length, and you’d touched him before, the first time that you kissed him, but things were different now.

“Fuck” He grit his teeth, “If I don’t last long-”

“Don’t worry about that” You told him. It was stupid and silly how your brain short-circuited; all you could think of was how hard and big he was. 

“Wait-” He interrupted, and you looked up at him, wondering if he changed his mind. Instead of asking you to stop, he grabbed your hand. 

You watched, curious, as he lift it to his own mouth, his lips wrapping against your fingers, wetting them.

It dawned on you what he was doing, and maybe you were so far gone that you’d forgotten how to even do this, and you felt embarrassed, but Hyunjin didn’t let you feel embarrassed for too long. The sight of him with your fingers in his mouth was so absolutely insane that you had to remind yourself to stay still, and not pounce on him in that very moment.

He pulled them out, with a pop, spit trailing down his swollen lips, “It’s easier… this way”

You immediately slipped your hand back into his sweatpants, tugging at his cock. It was easier now with spit on your hands, and it was better as you gripped him tightly. He was so warm, leaking already, and you wanted to just feel him inside you.

It was only the morning, and maybe that’s why he was flushing red, squirming as you touched him in broad daylight, and he pressed his mouth to yours, too shy to look into your eyes.

Too shy, but far too turned on, as his cock twitched with every tug of your hand, hips bucking to feel more of you.

Your grip was steady, thumb brushing against his tip and you learnt that he loved that, because his whines got louder when you did, curse words escaping his lips. 

“Oh my god” He groaned, and his mouth fell open, eyes squeezing shut.

“Do you like that, Hyun?” You asked him, “You like being touched?”

“Fuck. You’re going to make me come so fucking fast” He mumbled, embarrassed, hands gripping the marble counter.

Your pace increased, squeezing him every other second, and it had been so long since you’d given a handjob that you would get tired but of course he was helping you out, rocking his hips into your hand to match your pace.

He was unable to keep still, knuckles turning white, sweat dripping down his chest, drenching his abs.

He was so sensitive, and it was tough because your hand was restrained by the elastic of his sweat, but he kept squirming, so you gripped his thigh with your other hand, “Stay still, Hyunnie”

“I can’t” He whimpered, a tear slipping out, “It feels so good”

You kissed the edge of his mouth, as his moans got louder and your pace increased, hand gliding up and down with ease. It would be easier if his sweatpants were off, but you’d lose it if you saw him like that.

A loud ringer threatened to pull your attention away.

“Someone…someone is calling you again” He breathed.

“They can wait” You cut him off with another kiss, and his hips bucked up into your hands, legs wrapping tight around you.

“Y/N-” He moaned, the veins in his neck strained as he held back. 

Your phone was ringing, but you didn’t care about it right now. You’d been interrupted countless times in the past, and today you would make him feel good, no matter what.

“Faster?” You asked.

“Yes, please” He pleaded.

You picked up the pace, squeezing his cock tightly and he bit down on his lip, harshly.

“I just wanna be buried inside you” He blurted, cheeks red, chest heaving, “I can’t imagine how good you’d feel”

“I’d let you do anything to me too, you know?”

“Really?”

“You can fuck me, anywhere… anytime that you want”

He swallowed, “Shit- I want that now”

You leaned closer, pressing your chest to his, “You want to fuck me?”

He bit his lip, “Y-Yes, but-”

He was so whiney, and it was so easy to tease him, “But you’re not supposed to. We’re not supposed to do this, right?”

“I don’t give a fuck about that. I need to be inside you. I dreamt about you, every night” He blurted, and you learnt that perhaps forbidden love was his turn-on.

“What do you dream about?”

“I dream about — Fuck. I dream about you, on top of me, and about - it’s so inappropriate”

“Tell me, please Hyun”

He nodded, wanting nothing more than to please, “I dream of tasting you, and I can’t imagine how sweet you’d taste, and I think about waking you up in the morning, and — ” 

He seemed like he was losing it, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead, specks decorating his collarbones, and you were losing it too, at his words.

“Do you touch yourself to it? To those dreams?” You asked him, squeezing him again.

Tears brimmed at his eyes from the pleasure, and he shook his head, “I want to, but is that...is that okay with you?”

You smiled, kissing him, “Are you asking me if it’s okay?”

“Yeah” He breathed.

You pecked his cheek, and his ear, while stroking his cock, “You can think about me all you want when you touch yourself”

“Fuck” He groaned, “I’m so close. Please don’t stop, please”

“What do you need?” You whispered.

“Let me touch you” He begged, and you nodded, so his hands found their way to your body. 

He pulled you close, pushed your sweatshirt up, just enough to catch the lavender lace of your bra, in the early afternoon sun, “You’re so fucking hot”

You ran your fingers through the freshly-dyed hair, and when he felt your nails against his scalp, he moaned loudly, and you learnt that he loved having his hair pulled. 

You pulled at his hair, and his hips bucked, thrusting up into the air, head falling back, and with another tug inside his sweats, a loud moan escaped him.  

“Fuck—” He groaned, pink lips parting, eyes squeezed shut, cock twitching as he came in your hand, soaking you.

Small whines left his lips, and he rest his head against the mirror, and you continued touching him, and his legs trembled from the pleasure and the pain, until he was done.

It was only a regular Saturday morning but it was the most beautiful moment in your life.

You learnt that you could never feel as satisfied, as you did right now, revelling in his orgasm.

You stopped, in awe of him, until his breathing returned to normal. His hair was sticking to his face, and you pushed it back, and his chest was moving rapidly.

Hyunjin’s lips were bitten red and swollen, a sheen of sweet dripping down his abs, as he tried to catch his breath.

“Fuck” He muttered, opening his eyes to look at you, after he’d finally calmed down.

Slowly, you slipped your hands out of his sweats, and he noticed the mess he’d made, “Fuck, I’m so sorry. That’s-”

“Don’t say sorry” You told him, kissing his cheek.

“But I…let me clean it up” He felt embarrassed, post-coital haze taking over, and he reached for a tissue, wiping your hands with it.

You smiled at his tenderness.

He was red all over, as he wiped his release from your hands, “I’m sorry”

“Hyun” You interrupted him, “Relax”

His shoulders slacked, and he nodded, “Okay”

Like clockwork, your phone rang again.

Hyunjin’s gaze drifted to it, reading the caller ID, “Are they gonna be mad at you?”

“I don’t care” 

His eyes searched yours, and he nodded, and his cheeks were so red, and he was so endearing.

“How do you feel now?”

He let out a chuckle, pulling you closer, “What do you think?”

“I don’t know” You teased, nails grazing his abs. You were turned on beyond belief, the sight of Hyunjin like this enough to make you go insane, but it wasn’t about you right now, it was about him. 

When you got home, you’d think of him and this moment, and make yourself feel good.

You’d think of the moans, and the feeling of his cock in your hand, and you’d imagine it was him touching you.

“I promise this wasn’t my intention…when I asked you-”

“I know. You just wanted help with your hair” You interrupted him.

He laughed, “Yeah…and you helped me”

You tucked his hair behind his ear, still not used to his new look, “You look perfect, Hyun”

“I’m embarrassed” He admitted after a while, “I’m sorry if I was pushy or-”

“You weren’t” You assured him, only half-joking, “Now I know what I’m gonna be thinking about at work”

His eyes shot to yours, widening, “Y/N…”

You laughed, wrapping your arms around his waist, “I’m kidding”

“What about you?”

You laughed, “What about me?”

He smiled, coy, “Isn’t it my turn now?”

“Your turn to what?”

He leaned forward, voice dropping, “You’re…you’re not wet?”

You swallowed, because of fucking course you were, and then your phone rang again, for the fifth time in a row.

“I…I should get that” You stuttered, stepping away from him.

You don’t know why, but…you weren’t ready.

You weren’t ready for him to see you like that, even though every part of you wanted him. Maybe because you knew it couldn’t last. You feared that if Hyunjin touched you even just once, you’d never feel the same again.

So, you answered the sixth missed call, “Hello?”

Hyunjin watched you from where he sat.

Mina’s voice came in, “Oh my god, I thought you died or something”

“Yeah, sorry. I…wasn’t feeling well. I’ll be there soon” You replied, staring at the cabinet and how he’d arranged everything beautifully — a black cherry candle on the top shelf, a cerulean blue hand towel, and a tiny glass jar of hair-clips.

Your gaze darted to Hyunjin’s, and he was putting on his shirt now.

“Okay, I’ll see you there” Mina spoke, hanging up.

“You have to go?” He asked.

You turned to him, “Yeah, in a bit”

He stepped closer to you, “Are you all right?”

You nodded, “Mmh. Why wouldn’t I be?”

He smiled, pressing you into the counter, “Because you didn’t answer my question”

Your eyes widened, “Hyun-”

“I hope you don’t think of me as one of those guys”

“What guys?” You laughed.

“The guy… who’d let you just go to work without taking care of you too”

You gulped, “You don’t have to take care of me”

His expression fell, “You don’t want me to…?”

“No, it’s not that”

“Then tell me what it is” He asked, leaning in.

“Hyun…maybe later” You told him, “Mrs. Aera…will really hate me if I don’t show up”

He sighed, “Yeah. No one could ever hate you, though”

“Let’s not wait and find out” You laughed, grabbing your phone. As you headed for the door, Hyunjin watched you from the bathroom counter, but suddenly spoke, “Y/N”

“Yeah?” You turned.

He leaned in, pressing his lips to yours. Your heart jumped at the suddenness, and the kiss was so soft, so slow.

“Thank you” He said, pulling away, just slightly, “For…cutting my hair”

“Of course” You smiled. His fingers brushed against the skin of your stomach, and he pulled you close again, finding your mouth with his for the second time in the same breath.

Immediately, you kissed him back, and his tongue slipped into your mouth, deepening the kiss.

“Thank you…for…” He mumbled again, between kisses. 

This time…you knew he wasn’t referring to the haircut.

Your mouth hovered close, nose touching his, “Don’t thank me, Hyun. I’ve only been dreaming about it forever”

“So...you dream about me too?” He asked, looking right into your eyes.

You laughed, hands coming up to his chest to push him away, “Shut up”

“Wait” He leaned in to kiss you again. You let yourself melt into his embrace, and you wanted to ask what the hell happened to his no-dating rule, and all of his damned rules about love, but you didn’t.

A chuckle escaped you, “You have to stop thanking me…”

“No, you just…you make me feel so good” He whispered, “I don’t deserve it”

Your eyebrows shot up.

Where did that come from?

“Hyun, I’ll be late” You told him, and you were crazy for willingly pulling away from him, but you wanted to respect Mrs. Aera and her time. 

There was no hurry. Hyunjin wasn’t going anywhere right now, and you’d have all the time in the world to kiss him when you got back from work.

There was still time.

“We’re meeting at the Creek later tonight, right? Yeonjun might come too”

“Tonight? I almost forgot about your futile mission to make me love Daejon again”

He pouted, and you wonder how he could look so adorable after doing something so filthy, “Don’t call it futile”

“We’ll see who’s right” You hummed, adjusting your sweatshirt.

“Have a good day at work”

You felt like teasing him again, just a bit, “Maybe you should change your sweats after I leave”

He flushed red, “Stop. You’re the one that couldn’t resist me, and all just because I changed my hair”

You narrowed your eyes, “Unfair. You win”

He smiled, cheek dimpling, “I know”

»»————-

Work felt a lot like hell that afternoon. 

As you sorted through the new paint, all you thought of was him.

His moans haunted you, his nose scrunching in pleasure, spit trailing down his swollen lips.

What came over you to do such a thing?

How did he let you?

The answer, of course, was simple enough.

Fucking lust. Or love. For you, it was both.

It seemed like he’d realized that you couldn’t stay away from each other, and you were thankful that you didn’t have to pretend to resist each other anymore. 

“Acrylics?”

“Huh?” You looked up from where you were bent on the floor, hands buried in bubble wrap.

“Could you pass me the acrylics?” Mina repeated, standing tall on a ladder, trying to stock the upper shelves. 

“Right. Sure” You reached into the cardboard box behind you. A new edition of paint bottles lay there, named summer pastels, and you handed it over to Mina.

Just a few hours more that you had to make it through.

You were meeting him and Jun by the Creek later for a night swim, and the thought of seeing him so soon again excited you. There was so much to do with him and you were looking forward to the rest of the summer.

He definitely seemed eager to explore the rest of Daejon, and you had to take him to the night market, the summer solstice festival in the park, to a paintball fest, the list was endless.

You wanted to teach him your favourite techniques about art. He’d asked for your help after all. You’d help him excel in watercolour, and gouache, and maybe he’d love impressionism. It was surreal, and dreamy just like him and you could imagine the landscapes you could paint together.

How amazing would that be?

If you and him worked on a painting together.

Your styles were so different, but they’d meld together so well, and you’d let him take the lead. You could imagine how proud he’d feel.

You hope you wouldn’t get too distracted and caught up in each other, and would actually finish the painting, and god, it would be so hot if there was paint all over him-

“You’re distracted” Mina pointed out, stretching to reach the upper shelf as she stocked new sharpies.

“I’m just tired” 

She smiled, “Thinking about a boy?”

“What else did you want me to hand you?”

“You’re cute when you’re flustered, Y/N”

“I’m not flustered. I told you…I’m tired”

Your phone buzzed, and you immediately reached for it, before realising that you were technically at work, and you shouldn’t be so eager. 

Still, Mina caught onto that.

“Oh my god” She laughed, “Who is he?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” You put your phone face down, so you wouldn’t be tempted to check. 

“Yeah you do” She smiled, “Don’t be embarrassed of it”

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed of, because nothing is going on” You felt like a broken record repeating that, but it was the truth.

Your phone buzzed again, and you peeked at the messages. 

They were from Seungmin.

seungmin:

hey yn

i think you may be at work but I can't get in touch with hyunjin

whenever you do, can you ask him if the refund for the last payment came in?

you:

refund for what?

seungmin:

the art classes

at the château 

he was registered for the whole summer before, but since he’s not attending them anymore, we’re refunding him

you:

what?

he cancelled the classes?

“Y/N. I arranged the colors the way you like. Is it okay?” Mina interrupted, and you looked up at her, confused by what you’d just learnt.

“Yeah. It’s okay” You mumbled, reaching for your phone again.

“Can you please text whoever he is after work? I need some help with the canvas” She asked.

You nodded, “Of course. Sorry”

Hyunjin probably had a really good reason for cancelling the classes, maybe it was getting too expensive for him, and you’d ask him about it later.

“Which one even is he?” She asked.

“What?”

“Which boy?” She grinned at you.

“It’s just Seungmin” You told her, “And you’re one to talk”

“What?” She asked.

“Earlier when I came by…I saw the daffodils. Who’s the secret admirer, Mina?” You laughed, turning the tables on her.

She laughed, stepping down from the ladder, “Those were for you, dumbass”

“What?” You glanced up at her, heart jumping.

“They’re in the back room. Since you didn’t come for the morning shift, I put them in some water so they wouldn’t die”

Your eyes widened, “Can I go see?”

“Of course, but come right back please. I need some help with the easels”

Hyunjin sent you flowers?

Why didn’t he tell you? He must have wanted it to be a surprise, and you immediately stood up, dusting the dirt off your jeans as you made your way to the back room. 

The daffodils were peeking out from a cut-up plastic water bottle, a stark contrast to the natural beauty of the flowers. Your heart melted. Mina had done her best, going so far as to putting them on the one shelf of the storage room that got sunlight.

As you stepped closer, the scent overwhelmed you. It had been so long since you’d gone to pick any flowers. 

The petals were delicate to your touch, and you turned the bouquet around. There was no note attached from him.

The flowers were enough though, and you smiled to yourself, making a mental note to take them home with you, and put them on the windowsill by your bed. 

You would thank him later. 

You wanted to cheer him up anyway, and since you were going to the Creek tonight, you knew the perfect fucking way to do that. You just couldn’t wait for him to see it.

“They’re gorgeous, aren’t they?” Mina asked.

You turned to see her standing by the door, “Yeah. They’re so beautiful”

“Someone is waiting out there for you” She nodded back toward the shop.

“Oh, I’ll be right there” You grabbed the fragile water bottle, carrying it back out with you.

You stopped in your tracks as you entered the shop again.

Curly hair falling to her shoulders, the color of rose-gold, heart-shaped glasses balanced atop her nose, she was flipping through a Daejon brochure.

“Yuqi?” You exclaimed.

She looked up, immediately pushing the glasses up her head, and her lips tugged into a gorgeous smile.

“Seems like you’ve been up to a lot while I’ve been away” She grinned, pointing to the tourist brochure in her hands.

“I’ve been up to nothing” You laughed, stepping up to pull her into a hug, holding the flowers in your other hand. 

“Fuck, it’s been so long” She hummed.

“When did you get back?” You asked, placing the temporary vase on the cash counter. You leaned against it, turning to face her.

She looked like a dream in denim dungarees and a tube top.

“I drove in early this morning. I was running a few errands for Yeonjun since then”

You crossed your arms, “Oh, he’s already making you work for him?”

She rolled her eyes, “Unfortunately, as his twin sister, I have no choice but to do it”

“What errands does he even have?” 

“Ice-cream to aid his broken heart”

“Oh” You pouted, “He told you about that, huh?”

“Texted me crying last night” She shrugged, “That’s kind of why I drove in last minute. I wasn’t supposed to come home until the fall”

You smiled, “I’m glad you’re here. I’m sure he will be too”

“I’m like the worst therapist” She laughed, “But…I have dealt with assholes and heartbreak before, so I may just be the perfect person”

Your eyes fell to the brochure in her hands, “What are you even reading that for?”

“There’s a beautiful picture of you in it" She said, waving the paper around.

“What?” You grabbed it from her, flipping through the pages.

It was the new tourist brochure for Daejon, and just like she said, there was a picture of you.

It was from the Paint and Wine event at the Château. 

You were painting, smiling at someone off-camera, and you knew that it was obviously Hyunjin, but he hadn’t been a part of this frame.

Maybe that was better since you didn’t need any rumours around town. Still, it remind you of that night and how beautiful it was, well… until the part where Hyunjin told you he could never be in a relationship, or let himself love someone.

You folded and kept it away, looking back at Yeonjun’s sister.

“You said you drove here? From Busan?”

She nodded.

“You brought the red pickup?”

She laughed, not one for nostalgia or outspoken love, “Sometimes I think you love me just for my car”

Just outside the store window, was parked her gorgeous red pickup truck. You had countless memories associated with it — nights Yuqi would sneak you and Felix out for drives, to the night markets and candy shops in Samhae, up the hill, to the river when Minho had his fishing phase in school.

Observing your wistful expression, Yuqi smiled, “Don’t tell me you’re reminiscing high school already, Y/N”

“I’m not!” You defended, “But it was kind of fun. It was simple”

“It isn’t now?”

You shrugged, “Things have changed a lot since you were last here”

She stepped up to you, “I already know about Hana and Jun’s fallout; what else happened?”

You didn’t even know where to start. Yuqi had always been like an older sister to you, even though technically her and Yeonjun were the same age, but you’d hardly kept in touch ever since she moved.

She’d been so busy in her life, and there was so much she didn't know about you.

You fiddled with your charm bracelet, wondering how to sum up the best summer of your life, “I uh, I met a boy”

Her eyebrows shot up, “What the actual fuck? Tell me everything”

“Sure, but I have to help out Mina too” You laughed, moving back to the supplies, “You’re coming tonight, right?”

“To the Creek? Yeah, Yeonjun told me he’s going” She questioned.

“You should come! You can meet him there”

Her eyes widened, “The boy you met, he’s coming tonight too?”

You smiled, “Yeah. It was actually his plan to go in the first plan”

“Fuck. Is he cute?”

“Mmh. He is” You laughed, pushing the cart of supplies towards Mina as she stocked them, rolling her eyes at your and Yuqi’s conversation.

“You ladies are not passing the Bechdel test” Mina laughed, from the top step of the ladder.

You glanced up at her, “You know what that is?”

“Of course. How dumb do you think I am” She laughed.

Yuqi leaned against the shelf, crossing her arms, “What is the Bechdel test?”

“Like...a way of figuring out if a film or book represents women without the stereotypes or sexism, and in order to pass the test, the book should have more than one conversation between women...which isn’t about men” You explained.

Yuqi laughed, “Well, fuck me. You’re still telling me all about the hot boy you met this summer. The Bechdel test can sue me”

»»————-

Hyunjin was waiting for you by the forest trail, later that night. Liquid dripped from his lips as he sucked on a cherry, and he had a bunch in his hand.

He looked adorable, hands tucked into denim jeans, his hair pushed under a baseball cap. 

“Where did you get those?” 

He glanced up, a small smile on his lips, “Hey” 

He pulled into a half-hug because of how messy his hands were.

“Hey” 

His lips were redder than ever, juice from the fruit dripping down his neck. It did something to you, and you looked away, not wanting to relive your thoughts that overtook you at work. 

He bit into another cherry, “I picked them out earlier by myself. At first, I wasn’t sure how to know which ones are fresh, because back in Seoul, I just buy them from the 7/11 under our dorm, but I don’t know, there’s something truly satisfying about picking your own fruit, you know?”

“Wow. How will you ever adapt to living in the city again?” You laughed.

His eyes crinkled, “Very sadly”

“I got your flowers, by the way” You smiled.

His eyebrows shot up, “What flowers?”

“The daffodils…that you got me?” You laughed, looking up at him.

Hyunjin seemed confused, which confused you further, “Um…”

“You…weren’t the ones who sent me those?”

He shook his head, an unreadable expression on his face, “No, that…wasn’t me”

“Oh okay. Never mind... How long have you been waiting here?” You asked, wanting to change the topic because that was fucking awkward, tugging your tote bag higher up your shoulder.

“You’re not late. I just got here early” He explained.

“To pick cherries?”

“Nope, I just needed to get out of the house”

“Oh. How do you feel now?”

He sighed, biting into another cherry, “It could be much worse”

“Oh…”

“But, hey, at least my head doesn’t pound anymore” He joked, as you arrived at the Creek.

The moon was supposed to be bright tonight, according to the forecast you looked up, but clearly nothing was going to plan, and everything that had happened since this morning had been all kinds of unexpected. 

The water was enveloped in darkness, and it felt like you were looking out into nothing.

Yongbok had always fed you tales of the many elves, faeries, and sirens that lived in the deepest abysses of your town. Stories of otherworldly creatures that inhabited the depths of the Creek, which would only reveal themselves in the deep of the night, concealed in the shadows. 

Obviously you’d never seen one, but you weren’t stubborn enough to tick their existence off the list.

He had told you those stories many times before, and you didn’t believe them, not really. 

Still, staring out into the dark right now, you did feel a little on edge.

The water was mostly still, as all of the little streams led to this spot, pooling in this gorgeous area. You thought it was beautiful how every river across your town ended up in one place, bringing together each corner and story of Daejon - forming a whirlpool of the lived memories.

To be honest, if there were any chance of otherworldly creatures existing in the entire universe…they probably would be residing in the cool cerulean blue water of the Creek.

“What are you thinking?” His tender voice, calmer than the waters, pulled you out of your fantastical thoughts.

Looking up, you saw him stood by the edge of the cliff, on the same rock he had jumped off months before, but you didn’t know him back then. He was but a stranger to you at that time.

You did know him now, at least you think you did -- over the weeks of peeling every layer of what made up Hyunjin, you knew so much of what made him, him. 

“I was…just thinking about how Yeonjun is late” You told him, crossing your arms against the cold breeze.

Hyunjin’s lips curled up, “He’ll be here”

“I hope he didn’t ditch us” You stared back at the dark water.

Hyunjin laughed, “Of course not. I think he’s just running late”

“You seem fairly confident when you’ve known him for less than a week”

He chuckled, stepping closer to you, “We can get in the water. We don’t have to wait for him, you know?”

You swallowed, “Get in the water, like…just me and you alone...together...?”

“Yeah”

Hyunjin standing there right now, looking like this, did not help your emotions. 

Chocolate brown strands framed his face, grazing his cheeks, and the rest was pulled up into a bun, messy, uneven, so fucking attractive.

And even if all those tales Yongbok and the town-dwellers told you were false, Hyunjin was the closest thing to an ethereal, out-of-this-world, ripped straight out of a fantasy novel creature - that you'd ever see. 

If those stories had been written in today's age, they would probably all be about him.

The t-shirt you'd picked out this morning fit him far too well, the zipper stopping at his chest, burgundy sleeves hugging his arms and biceps just like you wish he would hug you.

You were surprised when you’d seen him in that, and you definitely hadn’t been subtle enough this morning. 

He tilt his head at you, “Is there a problem with that? If it's just you and me in the water, alone?”

Was there?

The hint of a smile made it's way onto your face, and you reached up to untie your halter top, and even the fiercest creatures in Daejon couldn’t intimidate you right now as much as he did, “No...there's no problem at all, Hyun"

His eyes fixated on you, as you slipped off the top, revealing the swimsuit you’d picked inside. Light-pink, it hugged your body far too tightly, but he didn’t seem to care. 

He stared at you, unabashedly, unashamed, as you kept the top to the side, with the rest of your stuff. His eyes flickered over your body, and then back to your face.

“Your turn” You told him, crossing your arms.

“Okay” He chuckled, reaching up behind his neck, to take off his shirt, and your pulse went frantic and you felt so silly.

Hell, you’d seen him shirtless only hours before, but it was never enough, and he looked so fucking pretty in the moonlight.

You reached for the button on your shorts, popping it open, and Hyunjin watched as you slipped them off your legs, stepping out of them. It was chilly tonight, and you bent down, to put all of your stuff inside your backpack, and you were so fucking excited to show Hyunjin what you’d been planning. He would love it so much—

“Jisung called me”

You looked up, “What?”

“Yeah” He released a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair, “Sorry. I’m ruining this moment”

“No...that’s okay. How is he doing?”

“As good as he can be right now, but...” He sat down on the rock, staring at the water, “I feel bad that I’m not with him”

“You’ll see him in a few weeks though, wouldn’t you?”

Hyunjin swallowed, “Yup”

You’d been expecting that Hyunjin would feel better after…what happened earlier this afternoon, but maybe it was naïve and stupid of you to assume that. You couldn’t change his life circumstances. You made him cum, you didn’t fix all the problems in his life. 

You felt defeated, because he certainly didn’t seem to be in the mood for this.

And why should he?

His best friend was going through shit, and he could do nothing about it. 

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” You asked.

Hyunjin glanced up at you, “Do what?”

“Swim. We don’t need to. I know you’re not in a mood to…we’re only doing this for me—”

“No, I wanna do this” He interrupted, “Did I…made you feel like I didn’t?”

“Maybe we can just wait for Yeonjun” You spoke, joining him on the rocks, “He must be close”

He nodded, crossing his legs on, “Yeah, he must be. So who do you think the flowers are from?”

You turned to him, pulling your knees to your chest, confused, “I don’t know. I…just assumed it was from you”

His face fell.

You smiled, to reassure him, “Don’t worry. They’re probably sent to the wrong person. Or maybe they’re consolation flowers for not getting the apprenticeship”

Hyunjin frowned at the mention of that, “Once I get back to Seoul, I’m definitely giving a piece of my mind to that shit company”

“What?” You laughed.

“They’re crazy to deny you” He expressed, turning to you, “Have you thought about…applying to another?”

You glanced at him, “Another program?”

“Yeah” He wrung his hands together.

You shrugged, staring at the dark water, “Not yet. I’m not proud enough of my work to send my portfolio again, and I’m…not really over the rejection”

“So, what, you’re gonna just give up?”

You shook your head, “No, of course not, Hyun. I’m just gonna take some time off”

“You can’t do that”

You frowned, the urgency in his tone unmistakable, “Why…? Isn’t it a good thing to take time to myself?”

“No, because-” He turned to you, grabbing your hand, “You’re so fucking good at what you do. Right now, there will be so many chances…and opportunities that you could get. Do you know how many companies I auditioned at before I got selected at Pegasus?”

Your face softened, unfamiliar with this urgency,  “No, I…didn’t know that, Hyun”

There was so much you still didn’t know about him.

Realisation sank into his face, “Yeah. Well, it was a lot. If I’d given up, do you think I’d still be here right now?”

So much you yearned to know.

Why did he choose to audition in the first place? What made him even go after this profession? 

And then more. Stuff about his life that didn't matter, or maybe it did.

Who was his first kiss? What was his favourite book? His worst heartbreak? The first girl he fucked? Your curiosity would rip at the seams and maybe it would never end, because the things you wanted to know about him were endless, and now that time was slipping away, it was the only opportunity to stop thinking and start asking him all of those things.

There was no point in dwelling on the what-ifs. 

Hyunjin was here now, and you would not hold back anymore.

“How do you do it?”

“Do what?” He glanced at you.

“Stay so fucking positive, despite everything. If I was in your place, I think the apprehension and fear would have killed me”

His lip tilted up, “It’s not always this way. This year is just not a good one for us. I guess because people are finally beginning to know who we are, it just invites so much more hate, and anger”

“I don’t understand people”

“I know” He sighed, “But for the amount of hate, the love we get...it cancels out all the bullshit”

Hyunjin spoke of love in so many ways, except one.

“Like…” You picked at the pebbles with your nails, lowering your voice, “Some people are so evil”

Hyunjin nodded, “Mmh, but let’s... forget about them tonight. For the time we have left, I don’t want you to spend it inside your head”

“The time we have left...” You repeated, and you would forget about those people tonight, because tonight was special, “I have a lot of things I wanna do with you”

“You do?” He looked at you, voice unsure.

“Yeah” You smiled, “You’re going to love it. There’s so much stuff that happens the end of summer, like the solstices festival, and I still have to teach you so many of my favourite techniques! So I...I was thinking that we could paint together—”

He swallowed, “Maybe we should just take it one day at a time, Y/N”

You stopped mid-sentence at his words, “Oh”

You were getting carried away.

Hyunjin sighed, realising what he’d said, “Because…I mean, you know…eventually, I’ll have to go-”

It just reminded you that this was so temporary.

Your thing with him was temporary — whatever that thing was.

Hyunjin would just walk out of your life, and his life would go on as it always did.

Was there a point to what all you had planned, if he was never going to see you again after that?

“Yeah I know” You interrupted, “Let’s get in the water”

“Y/N…” He spoke, reaching out to your cheek, “We came here for a reason, right? You love this place, and so you’d have a good-”

“I am having a good time” You stood up, standing by the edge, and you would.

Tonight was supposed to be special. 

He joined you, staring at the drop, arms crossed, “Are you gonna ask me to jump again?”

You laughed, “You’ve done it before”

He glanced at you, biting his lip, “Together?”

It wasn’t that scary, but this was only his second time here, and so you took his hand in yours, letting him grip you tightly.

And then you stepped forward into nothingness, stomach lurching at the sudden drop.

You’d jumped off this rock a hundred times before, but this time you still didn’t feel prepared. 

The cold water swallowed you both, and for a minute or what felt like hours, everything was blank.

It was black, and blue, and freezing, and you couldn’t see where he was, and your head pounded with the pressure, and for a second, you feared your worries would weigh you down until you couldn’t come up — 

But then Hyunjin pulled you up out of the water, holding you tight.

You gasped for breath, taking in fresh air, yet it still felt like all the oxygen had left your lungs, because he was touching you so close.

Hyunjin shook his head, to get the hair and water out of his eyes, “Fuck. The water’s fucking freezing”

“It is” You shivered, drifting closer into his arms, to share in his body heat.

The water finally settled around, ripples from your jump dissipating, and if there were any creatures in the water they surely would have woken up by now.

“This is what you missed about Daejon? Freezing your ass off? I can see why you hate this town”

You laughed, loudly, gripping his shoulders, “Shut up. It’s nice if you let it settle”

His teeth chattered, and he was so dramatic because it wasn’t that cold. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him to you, “It’s better than a cold shower”

“What do you even love about this?” He asked you, “It’s better in the morning. It’s warm and I don’t get hypothermia—”

You grabbed his chin, making him look up.

He did, mouth parting, in awe of the view.

The stars had never been as bright as they were tonight, and he sucked in a sharp breath, “How is it so clear? It’s…even better than the hills”

“There’s no lights here, so you can see them much clearer”

Hyunjin’s gaze stayed up to the sky, as he watched the stars twinkle.

“Shit, isn’t that gorgeous? I can see all the constellations from down here” He spoke, “Wait, I think I know that one. It’s Cassiopeia”

Your heart stung at the reminder, but you calmed yourself.

One day at a time.

Tonight would be great.

You tilt your body back, floating on the water, and Hyunjin held onto your waist, drifting with you in the cesspool of your lived memories.

Time felt like it stretched into hours, as you watched the stars move so slow, as the Earth spun, and Hyunjin’s fingers kept you rooted to reality, and your perception of everything was different here. 

You almost expected to look up, and be back in the past somehow, and the thought was terrifying because as much as you wanted things to be good again, it couldn’t happen at the cost of Hyunjin.

The stars blinked, disappearing every other second, reminding you of a memory you’d forgotten - you’d actually planned something for him, and you were going to miss it, because you were stupidly stuck in the past, when your present was already so perfect.

“Fuck” You straightened up, “We need to get out of the water”

There was something Hyunjin needed to see. 

And it had to be now.

“What?” 

“We might have already missed it” You immediately swam back to the bank, and Hyunjin followed, confused why you were getting out of the water so early.

“Missed what?” He laughed, as you lifted yourself out. The wind pricked your skin. You slipped on your flimsy top, and there wasn’t any time to wear your shorts and you can’t believe you fucking forgot about this.

How lost were you?

“Why are you getting dressed?”

“It’s…like your thing on the Château” You told him, grabbing his hand to drag him away from the water and into the woods, not wanting to spoil it anymore.

“What thing?” He stumbled after you, still dripping wet from your short-lived swim.

“The town lights on the hill. Remember you showed them to me?” You spoke, as you pulled him through the underbrush.

“I remember” He was confused, following as you ran through the clearing, into the denser part of the woods. The sound of crickets surrounded you, drowning your little gasps of breath as you ran through.

The leaves crunched under your hurried footsteps, pushing past the twigs in your way.

You hadn’t been there in a few years, but there was no better time to revisit.

He had to see, and he had to now.

He would love it, you know he would love it so much.

If anything in Daejon could make him feel grateful and happy, it was this place. 

“But where are we going?” Hyunjin almost whined, trying to keep up with you. He was much taller so it should have been easier for him, but he was still stumbling through, clearly not used to the wilderness and the city boy inside him was peeking out.

“We’re almost here!” You promised.

“Can’t you at least tell me—“

Your abrupt stop made him bump into you, and he put his hands on your shoulders to turn you around, “What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Did you step on-”

“I want you to close your eyes”

His eyebrows shot up, “What…?”

“Just…” You grabbed his hands, “Please listen to me and don’t ask any questions”

He laughed, amused but slowly closed his eyes, and you grabbed his warm hand in yours. You lead him deeper into the clearing, and he hesitated.

“Don’t make me fall into a ditch—”

“Just trust me, Hyun” You told him.

“I do trust you. I just don’t want to get hurt blindly walking through a forest” He asked, stepping over the leaves, and pebbles that he felt under his feet.

Your smile grew, as you finally made it to the clearing, a view prettier than anything in the entire universe.

You hadn’t come here in ages. 

You turned to face him, catching your breath, “Okay. We’re here”

“Where? Can I open my eyes now?”

You laughed, because Hyunjin was such a hopeless romantic, but he was so impatient too.

Amongst the Daejon woods, was a clearing, where the terrain was flat, and the woodland plants grew tall - a mix of orange and purple flowers, surrounded by thin weeds. 

But, the most beautiful part of this clearing, was what you’d brought him to witness. 

“You can open your eyes, Hyun”

Confusion painted his face, in the form of suspicious furrowed eyebrows, until he finally looked up, realising just why you brought him here.

His mouth fell open in awe, eyes widening, as he took in the scene.

“Oh my god”

Soft, twinkling lights illuminated the entire clearing.

A hundred of them, bright lights, flying above the canopy, like stars shining through the canopy.

Stars that flew around, bumping into each other, creating paths and patterns that could never be replicated even in constellations.

Fireflies.

Hyunjin’s eyes were lit up, mouth parted in amazement like never before, watching the little lightning bugs illuminate the dark woods.

“Oh my god” Hyunjin repeated, a chuckle of disbelief escaping him. He clutched his stomach tightly, as if he couldn’t believe he were here, turning a full circle to take in the view.

“There’s so many of them” He breathed.

A smile overtook your lips, voice soft, “Do you like it?”

He turned to you, pure adoration in his eyes, like a kid on Christmas morning, like a boy in love, but not with you, with what you’d done for him.

“How did you know they would be here?”

You shrugged, coyly, “A coincidence”

His gaze softened at your words, “You planned this”

“I did…I wanted to show them to you”

He looked up again, getting distracted in the way the fireflies flew above the canopy, “It’s so beautiful”

You swallowed, “I wanted to show them to you…before you have to leave. I thought it’d make you feel better, even if only temporarily. I know you’re having a hard time, and I just thought you should see this because—”

When you looked up at him, he was staring at you, not the fireflies anymore, an unreadable expression in his eyes.

His gaze pierced through you, and then flickered to your lips, “Thank you”

You swallowed, suddenly nervous as you looked up at him, “Earlier you said you wish you had a different life, and you’d be happier somehow and I want you to know that’s not true. You can be happy in this life, I know we still have a lot of time, but I don’t want to miss any moment—”

Hyunjin cut you off, pressing his lips to yours.

You let out a noise of surprise, as his arms gripped you, pulling your body closer to his. You stumbled into his embrace, immediately kissing him back. His chest was still glistening with water droplets, and his hair was dripping, sticking to your face, to your lips.

Cold, and wet fingers grabbed your cheek.

His mouth felt hot on yours, as he pressed his chest to yours, wasting no time in pushing his tongue into your mouth.

“Hyun-” You whined, pulling back an inch to breathe, but you didn’t want to breathe anything except his taste.

“I have to tell you something, Y/N” 

At first you thought you misheard him.

“W-what?” You paused.

He kissed you again, holding your face in his hands, “It's...very important”

His voice was suddenly heavy with emotion, and you realised that no you did not want to know.

You’d push your curiosity to the side, and fuck that, because you didn’t want to know anything that would break your heart, and what Hyunjin was going to say definitely would.

“I don’t wanna know. Not now. Just kiss me, please”

Hyunjin’s gaze softened, “Are you sure?”

“Please” You pressed your mouth to his, “I just want you right now”

“Y/N…” He breathed, against your lips.

It was hard to speak, and you didn’t even know what you were feeling at the moment, “I just want tonight to be perfect, and I want you so much”

“Okay” He breathed, pulling your face back to his, and you kissed him, trying to erase everything he was going to say, and this could have been a beautiful moment but perhaps you weren’t the only self-destructive one.

Perhaps it was far too perfect for Hyunjin to handle, and that’s why he was trying everything he could to destroy it, but you wouldn’t let him.

So, you kissed him, until you both sat on the grass, and your knees touched the forest floor. He was on his knees too, holding you to him, hands clutching your face to still have the semblance of control. 

You kissed him until the pebbles and rocks under you stopped hurting, leaving imprints on your skin forever just like he had.

You kissed him until he’d swallowed all your tears, and until denial tasted just like the cherries he had sucked on. 

You kissed him until he was hard, and he mumbled, “Baby...”

He pressed you to the floor, crawling on top of you.

He never broke the open-mouthed kiss, and everything was so wet, with your spit, with the water from the Creek that still hadn’t dried off, with your soaking underwear. 

His weight on top of you was new, and it was unfamiliar, and you don’t know when it would ever happen again, so you tried to memorise it. Your hands sifted through his freshly-cut hair, and it remind of you this morning, and of how beautiful he’d looked, and how different things were.

Hyunjin at seven am was so different from him now.

You wanted to learn him, and discover who he was at every hour of the day. 

Hyunjin’s hands grabbed yours, and in a single move, he pinned them over your head, taking control of you.

Your hands pressed into the grass, and the rocks, and you were at his complete mercy.

“I…couldn’t focus on work today because of you” You complained, when he pulled back to breathe.

“What were you thinking about?” He whispered, kissing the corner of your mouth, pushing his knee between your legs.

“Fuck” You mumbled, and his other hand dropped to your stomach, holding your body down, and it was so fucking sexy you couldn’t stop your whines, “About how pretty you look, about how big-”

He let out a groan, pushing his hardening cock against your swimsuit bottoms, “It’ll feel more perfect when I’m inside you”

Blood rushed to your head, and you tilt your head back, as he planted kisses all over your collarbone. His hand slid under your sweater, squeezing your tits in his hands as he grind against you.

You wanted to touch him, but he didn’t let you, keeping your hands at bay, and it was so fucking hot and you were so wet.

“This swimsuit…is so fucking adorable on you” He mumbled, fiddling with the strings of your bikini bottom, “Is it okay if I touch you?”

“Yes, yes, please”

Why was he even asking?

And then he pressed his fingers into your core, over the thin fabric, and you almost passed out at the touch.

“Fuck” You moaned, squirming, “Don’t tease me”

He nodded, swallowing your whimpers, “I won’t. I was just making sure you’re ready”

“I am” You all but begged.

“I know” He smiled against your lips, and true to his promise, pulled the waistband of your pastel-blue panties forward. 

You could still see the fireflies from here, the twinkling lights in the sky, and you wanted to remember how that looked, but Hyunjin was rolling his hips against yours, and you couldn’t focus on anything else.

You let out a loud moan, when his hand slipped inside your underwear, and he was so fucking sweet as he kissed your cheek, “Will you let me finger you now, baby?”

“M-”

“Y/N?” A familiar voice interrupted, echoing in the woods, and Hyunjin immediately stopped, pulling back to look at you.

“Did you hear that?” He asked you, eyes half-lidded.

You were so distracted by his dilated pupils that you didn’t register that someone was calling your name, and you would have chosen to ignore it, but Hyunjin was already standing up, pulling you to your feet.

“Y/N?” The voice sang again.

“Shit” You cursed, squeezing your eyes shut.

“Who is that?” Hyunjin asked, fixing the straps of your top, pushing them back onto your shoulders.

You ran your hands over your face, trying to gather your bearings, but your head was filled with a cloud of lust, “It’s…her”

His eyebrows shot up, as he tugged your sweater over your swimsuit, “Who?”

“Y/N?” The voice called out again, as footsteps ran out into where you were. 

She stopped, feet skidding against the dirt, as soon as she saw the two of you.

Hyunjin turned to her, eyes widening.

You flushed with embarrassment, because if you heard her…that means she definitely heard you moan.

She stood still, staring at the two of you, and it would almost be comical if you didn’t feel slightly ashamed. 

Her rose-gold hair was pulled up into two ponytails, a red swimsuit hugging her curves.

“You must be Hyunjin” She blurted, “I’ve heard so much about you”

“Oh” He trailed off, looking back at you, and you could see he was trying to restrain the hard-on in his swim-shorts.

You were still so lost, head fuzzy, because what was Hyunjin going to tell you before you interrupted him?

Yuqi looked apologetic, “Sorry I ran in here, I parked my car and then I saw your clothes out by the rocks, and I assumed the worst, like you never know what goes on in these woods, there could be some serial killer, and I literally fell asleep watching Friday the 13th last night, and if you’ve seen that, you’d know that—“

“I haven’t seen it” Hyunjin interrupted her.

“Oh. You should. It’s…nice”

“I don’t really like horror movies” 

“I’m Yeonjun’s sister” She added, an awkward smile.

“Ohh. You look like him”

“Yeah. Cause we’re related”

She looked around the glade, “Did she bring you out here to see the fireflies? I swear she and Felix are so obsessed with thi—”

“Where’s Yeonjun?” You interrupted.

“He’s already in the water” She jut her thumb back towards the water, “I’ll see you guys there!”

She ran back through the woods, and it’d be funny if you didn’t feel so frustrated. You and Hyunjin had horrible timing…or maybe it was fate’s way of saying you weren’t supposed to be doing this.

“She definitely knows what we were doing” Hyunjin spoke, softly, hand slipping inside his shorts to adjust, and you looked away.

“Yeah, but you can trust Yuqi. She…won’t tell anyone”

This was reckless. There were a lot of kids and groups from town that hiked in the woods, especially in the summer.

Hyunjin was already dealing with scandal upon scandal, he didn’t need you to make it worse.

His gaze fell to the floor, “I’m sorry for getting carried away. That was stupid”

You nodded, “Yeah. It was”

“We should be more careful” He mumbled, but you could see the frustration in his eyes as he began walking back.

You followed him, trying to calm your breathing, “It’s a good thing it was just her”

“I didn’t even know Yeonjun has a sister”

“Yeah, she lives in Busan” You told him.

“She has a car?”

“Yeah”

“I was going to rent one” He spoke, as you fell into step with him.

"You were?” You turned to him, “What do you need a car for?”

He shrugged, pushing through the rustling leaves, “I…got us tickets to something”

“Well, I’m sure Yuqi would let you have it for an evening. You don’t have to rent one”

“That sounds good” He nodded, shooting you a soft smile as you finally caught up to Yuqi and Yeonjun, who were already in the water. 

They were splashing each other already, asking you to jump in.

Hyunjin headed to them, but you reached out to him, “By the way, tickets for what?”

He laughed, looking sheepish, “Can that part still be a surprise?” 

»»————-

Fortunately for you, the curiosity about the surprise only lasted for a day.

“You’ve never seen Jaws?” 

“I’m not really a monster movie kind of guy” Hyunjin replied, arms crossed against his chest as Yuqi gaped at him, an almost comical expression on her face.

“Does that mean you’ve never seen Chucky either?”

“I happen to like dolls, and I don’t want to change that”

They’d only known each other a little more than a day, and were already comfortable enough with each other, thanks to the hours spent last night swimming and getting to know each other. 

“You’re fucking kidding me” She stated, then turned to you, “Where did you find this guy?”

“Leave him alone, Yuqi” Yeonjun replied before you could speak, and you laughed.

“No, because monster movies are easily the best genre!” She told Yeonjun, who’d already stopped listening, and was checking the tickets on his phone. 

The drive-in theater was busy tonight, as a crazy amount of families and couples had come out to watch the iconic screening of Jaws. 

Hyunijn had insisted that you come here tonight, another thing off your list that you’d mentioned to him, and the fact that Yuqi just happened to have a car — was a cherry on top of a perfect coincidence.

When they’d learnt of your plans, Hyunjin had been kind enough to let them come along with you, because he enjoyed their company as much as you did.

You don’t know why Hyunjin was rushing through the things, but you couldn’t complain. 

Every summer, cars would line up until Mrs. Erin’s noodle shop, and a huge projector and screen were set up, facing the woods.

They usually played the same movies on loop, so you’d already got tired of the the same blockbuster tropes. Being Yongbok’s friend, you had had no choice but to indulge in every single one of these films.

Still, tonight was different, because Hyunjin was here now.

Every time you came in the past, you would borrow Yuqi’s car since her pick-up truck had space in the back to squeeze all of your friends, with thick blankets and enough snacks to last double-features. Her truck was also ideal for star-gazing and movie nights like this. 

You stood leaning against it, in the minutes before the movie began. As of now, they were only showing previews and trailers, as everybody parked their cars.

“I’m not a fan of watching people get ripped apart” Hyunjin replied to her, his voice low.

“Can’t believe you’re a softie” She tilt her head, as if analysing him top-to-down. Hyunjin’s cheeks turned red at her scrutinising gaze and he turned to you, for help. 

He looked extra adorable today, in a white button-up shirt, and faded boyfriend-fit jeans.

You laughed, pushing the pebbles at your feet, “You’re on your own, Hyun”

He sighed, turning to Yuqi, “It’s not that I don’t enjoy the thrill, I just prefer to indulge in a different kind of …excitement”

“Yongbok must hate you” She laughed, “He’s obsessed with those movies. Have you two met yet?”

Your eyebrows shot up, and you saw Hyunjin stiffen. 

You spoke, before he could, “Um, yeah they have”

“How did he approve of you then?” She asked, eyes wide.

“Yongbok doesn’t have to approve of anybody” You rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. You two just don’t seem like you’d get along” She told him. 

Hyunjin’s expression was calm, and reserved as she said that. You realised that while you’d heard plenty of opinions from Yongbok about him, you had no idea what Hyunjin felt about him.

Hyunjin smiled, “He’s a cool guy. I’m sure if we hung out more, we’d get along”

His eyes landed on yours, and you agreed, “Yeah. I’m sure you would”

“So then what do you like? Don’t tell me you’re into that cheesy Notebook shit” Yuqi narrowed her eyes at him. 

“I’m sorry I just happen to have a more refined taste than you, Yuqi” Hyunjin replied, catching you and her by surprise as she gasped. You laughed, proud of how he’d already learned to deal with her.

“Okay. I see you, Hwang Hyunjin” She hummed, smiling at him.

“These tickets should get us a popcorn and soda combo. Is there anything else you need, guys?” Yeonjun asked, squeezing his phone back into his jeans pocket.

“That sounds good” You answered, “I can go get the snacks”

“No, me and Hyunjin will go” Yeonjun smiled, looping an arm around him, “Won’t we?”

Hyunjin smiled, shy gaze falling to the floor, “Yeah, of course”

They walked to the pop-up booths, and you and Yuqi hung back, watching the crowd filter in.

“He’s sweet”

“He is, isn’t he?”

“Where did you find him?”

You laughed, “I didn’t. Hana found him. Kind of”

“Where is she, by the way?” Yuqi asked, glancing up at you.

“I haven’t seen her since the party” You shrugged.

“Ah. The party Yeonjun went to?”

“The very same” You sighed, wanting to forget the nightmare Lakehouse party, “You and Hyunjin were talking a lot last night in the water. What about?” 

She waved a hand dismissively, “Oh. He was just asking me about Felix”

You turned to her, “Felix? What did Hyunjin want to know about him?”

“Just a lot of random things, it wasn’t an important conversation"

What random things? 

You searched the crowd for the boys, but your gaze landed on a recognisable silhouette, walking away from you, clutching a tub of popcorn tightly in his hands.

Light blonde hair that stood out in the crowd, and he was in a leather jacket, and there was a grin on his face. You’d missed seeing that so much.

He looked so different, yet so familiar, and your heart ached in the wake of all that familiarity.

“Oh, isn’t that him right there?” Yuqi asked.

“Yeah. It is”

“Aren’t you gonna go say hi?” She laughed, confused at your somber tone.

“Um. I should. I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Of course. Tell him I said hi!�� She smiled. 

You walked over to him and you felt nervous, but you had to have this conversation sooner, than later.

“Lix?”

He turned around at your voice, eyes widening in happy recognition.

Immediately, he smiled, his entire face lit up, “Hey. It’s been a while since I saw you”

You hadn’t seen or talked to him in what felt like forever.

“I didn’t think you’d be coming tonight”

He laughed, “Why would I not? You know how much I love Jaws”

“Right. I…remember”

“What are you doing here?” He asked, stepping closer, to hear you better over all of the crowd, and the sounds of the previews.

“I…” You trailed, point to the projector, “The movie”

“Right. The movie” He laughed, tub of caramel popcorn in his hands and Yongbok hated caramel so you wonder why he was holding it this tight.

“Are you here alone?” 

“No, I came with Eunbi” He responded, gesturing to where she probably was, not that you cared for that right now.

“Oh”

He tilt his head, “Did you get the flowers, by the way?”

Your eyes widened, “You…sent me the flowers?”

He chuckled, “Did you hate them or something?”

“No. I...” You trailed off, unable to comprehend why Felix would send you flowers, of all things in the world, “I love them. They’re great...”

Was that his attempt at an apology?

“I’m glad” His eyes crinkled.

“Yuqi’s here” You blurted, wanting to not talk about this any longer, because it just made no fucking sense.

“Yuqi?” He laughed, seemingly not affected by your ignorance to his gift, “She’s back in town?”

“Yeah. She drove in last night”

“From Busan?”

“Mmh” You nodded.

“She’s still the same?”

You smiled, “Yeah. She is exactly the same”

He looked around, trying to spot the iconic red pickup truck, “So you’re here with them then?”

“Hyunjin too” You added.

Felix’s gaze changed, and he nodded, “Right. Of course”

“Yeah”

He took a step back, smiling, “I guess I should let you get back to him"

Felix looked so happy, so much like his usual self, you felt safe again and you had to ask, “What did you…want to say to me? The other night, when you texted me?”

He laughed, except it seemed forced, “Um, forget that. I was just tipsy, and I was missing you”

You recalled his texts, “No, you said you realised why you’d been acting this way. What way?”

“Well…” He tucked his hands in his pockets, and stepped even closer. Under the lanterns, his eyes sparkled in a way they hadn’t before. Was it because it had been weeks since you’d seen him this happy, or was it just that you’d never gone so long without him?

“I yelled at you, at the cabin, at the party. The one you organised, just for me”

“I remember”

He sighed, “I’m sorry about that. It was…uncalled for, and I was an asshole, for doing that to you, when all you’d been doing was trying to make sure I had a good night”

“Why are you apologising to me now? All of a sudden?”

He shrugged, “I’ve been wanting to for a while. I just couldn’t find the right time, and then earlier this week, I was actually thinking about us. About the cabin, and-”

“Felix…”

“Do you remember that summer?” He interrupted, and even though you’d spent every summer the same way, you somehow knew exactly which one he was talking about.

The summer Hana and Yeonjun started dating.

The same summer you promised Felix you’d never let anything get in between you.

How did he know that you were thinking of it too?

Was it because you and him had spent your entire lives around each other, and he knew you so well?

“Yeah. I remember” You nodded, “What about it?”

“I miss that. I’m really sorry for getting frustrated at you, and overwhelmed. I was upset because-"

“Because you what?"

He shook his head, “It wasn’t just because of Hyunjin”

“Then what?”

He sighed, “That’s not important. What matters is…I’ve been thinking about that summer a lot, and how it was probably the best one of my life. We snuck out to Jeju, do you remember that?”

“I do. Your parents got so mad”

“They did” He laughed, “Anyway, so I was thinking…we could go for a swim soon, right?”

“Why?”

He smiled, “It’s the season of the fireflies. Don’t you remember?”

Your heart crumbled at the memories. 

You and Felix used to go there, every summer, to play with the lightning bugs.

Was it you that ruined everything? 

Felix tilt his head at you, “You all right, Y/N?”

You swallowed, because it was time to tell him what you’d been feeling, “No. I…keep thinking about how things used to be, and I miss that”

His gaze softened, “You do?”

You had to be honest now, “Do you think too much has happened…that things can never be the way they were?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…Hana and Yeonjun will probably never talk to each other again, half of it feels like my fault”

He shook his head, insisting, “It’s not your fault. They just weren’t meant to be together”

“You believe that?”

“Yeah. When two people are meant to be, everything in the world brings them closer, not further apart”

“And…what about you and Yeonjun?”

He shrugged, a playful expression on his face, “Maybe…we can be friends again”

“Really?”

“I…honestly don’t even remember what I was mad at him for. For breaking up with her, for leaving us, it doesn’t matter”

“And…Hyunjin?”

His eyes shot up to yours, “What about Hyunjin?”

You swallowed, “You and him…do you think you can ever be friends with him again?”

He shrugged, “Does it matter? He’s…going to move back to the city, and I’m probably never going to see him again”

“Why?”

“I mean…with his job, it’s not like he’s going to be visiting every summer. So I don’t think it matters if me and Hyunjin get along or not. We’ll hardly ever meet”

You nodded, the sting of Hyunjin leaving hitting you again, but then something Minho had told you came back to you, “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, you can”

“When we were fifteen, you said you’d look for the boy from the shop, but you…never told me you found him. Why did you never tell me?”

Felix’s gaze fell to the floor, “It was..futile. It would just break your heart, Y/N”

“What do you mean?”

He stepped closer, clearly wanting to explain himself, and his voice was louder now, because the movie was beginning to play, “I didn’t want to give you false hope. When I found out who Hyunjin is, I also found out what he was doing…training in some big-shot company that would basically own his DNA if he debuted. And he did debut”

“So?”

“So…there would have been no point if you even knew his name, Y/N. I didn’t want you to get hurt. I thought I was doing what was best for you. I’m sorry I lied”

Your gaze fell to the floor, because of course he made some kind of sense, it’s not like Felix was an evil person who would keep such things from you for no reason. He cared about you, and so he did what he could to protect you, even if it was wrong, “So is Eunbi your girlfriend now?”

“Where would you get that idea?”

“Seonmi told me everything”

Felix laughed, “Seonmi told you what she thinks she knows. We’re just sleeping together”

“Right. I should go-”

He stepped up to you, closing the distance between you, “You asked me if things can go back to the way they were”

“Yeah?”

“Why do you want that so badly?”

You frowned, “What…what do you mean?”

“I mean…Hana was a bitch to you ever since Yeonjun left her. You wanna go back to that?”

Your eyes narrowed, “That’s not what I meant”

“Then what did you mean? Do you even know what you want go back to?”

“Of course I know, Lix”

“No, I think you like hurting yourself. Why are you always chasing after things you can’t have? Like that art internship in the city. Like…him”

Your eyes widened, and you stepped back, sneakers skidding against the dirt,  “How…how do you know about that?”

He sighed, “Is that really the most important thing right now?”

You squeezed your eyes shut, “I was here to fix things, not to fight again”

Felix let out a breath, reaching out to grab your hand, but you stepped back.

“We’re just having a conversation, Y/N, I’m sorry if it makes you feel like I’m fighting you. Trust me, the last thing I want to do is to fight you”

“Then what are you even saying?” You mumbled, “Why don’t you want things to go back to the way they were? Don’t you want us to be friends again, Yongbok?”

“No, I don’t, Y/N”

“What?” Your eyes shot to his, because you hadn’t expected him to say that, “You…don’t wanna be friends with me anymore?”

His gaze fell to the floor, and he seemed nervous, until he looked back up at you, “I don’t think this is the best place for this conversation”

“No, Yongbok, if you’re cutting me out of your life-”

His eyes landed on someone behind you, “I’m sorry. I can’t have this conversation with you right now. I’ll see you later”

“What...?” You watched him walk away, heart sinking.

“Before you say anything, I tried my best!” Hyunjin laughed, and you turned around. He stood with Yeonjun, snacks in hand, smiling wide. 

“Tried your best on what?” You asked, a lump in your throat after that entire conversation.

“There were way too many candies at the stall. I didn’t even know there’s that many flavours of gummy bears” Hyunjin noted, and then extended a packet towards you, “So I got you guys a mix of them”

“Oh...thank you” You fought a smile, following them back to the truck. Yuqi had spread out all of the blankets, to make enough space for the four of you in the back.

“That’s perfect” Yuqi reached out, taking the pack of candy from Hyunjin, “A gummy bear orgy is just what we need”

“Gross” Yeonjun sniffled, climbing into the truck, crawling over to get comfortable.

You grabbed the tub of popcorn, balancing it on your lap so Hyunjin could hop into the back too. He slid in next to you, pressing you to the side, and you pulled the blanket over yourselves. 

“Are you comfortable?” He glanced at you, leaning into your ear to talk because the movie had already began.

“Yeah” You manoeuvred your legs over his, entangling them. His arm wrapped around your shoulders, pulling you closer, and it was easier to forgot about the conversation with Felix with his arms around you.

He smiled, dimples appearing, “Warm enough?”

“Yeah” You smiled, not wanting to ruin yet another night, “Don’t worry about it”

“The movie’s starting guys, save the pillow talk for later!” Yuqi whisper-yelled, leaning over to look at you.

“Okay, okay” You laughed, bringing your knees up to your chest, letting yourself get comfortable.

“Is the opening scary?” Hyunjin whispered in your ear to not disturb the others.

“A bit”

“Man” He mumbled, sinking deeper into the blanket, and it was cute how he tried to make himself smaller, “I’m definitely going to embarrass myself tonight”

“Why?” You laughed.

“I might scream” He mumbled, as onscreen a girl went out for a late night swim, while her boyfriend stayed on the beach. You, of course, knew what was coming next. 

“You can hold my hand, if it makes you feel better” You told Hyunjin, and he glanced at you, wondering if you were being serious.

“Are you making fun of me already?” He narrowed his eyes at you.

“Of course not” You smiled, reaching over to grab his hand, pulling it into your lap. 

“Is the shark gonna come now?” Hyunjin tensed up, as the music in the movie got louder, and he squint his eyes, preparing himself for a jump-scare. 

He squeezed the life out of your hand when the shark attached the girl. You watched with bated breath, as people in the drive-in theater started cheering, making you laugh. He was focused on the film with unparalleled focus, even though he pretended he hated it.

“You’re so fucking cute” You blurted, already feeling so much better, mid-way through the movie.

He looked at you, eyes still narrowed, “You’re enjoying my misery”

You laughed, “I am, but only because you look adorable” 

He pouted, eyes wide, “Why did I want to do this again?”

“Because you’re the sweetest boy in the world” You hummed, wanting nothing more than to kiss him, but you couldn’t, not here. Instead, you settled for staring at his plush lips.

It seemed like he was thinking of the same thing, because his gaze dropped to your lips, and he mumbled, “Y/N…We can’t. Not here…”

You were in public, surrounded by tons of families, and Hyunjin couldn’t engage in PDA like this, ever. After everything that was happening with Chan and Jisung, he couldn’t risk anything of this sort.

“Sorry” You bit your lip, moving back.

His eyes were half-lidded as he stared at you, “It’s fine. We just…have to be careful about this”

This. He acknowledged it, and that made you happier than you thought it would.

It wasn’t just mistakes, or built-up tension, or lust that had pulled you two together.

It was purposeful.

And you had to be careful about it now.

You felt lost in his daze, “Can I come over after this?”

“Actually. Could I come to your place instead?”

“Oh, of course”

“My place is just a mess” He laughed.

“I don’t really care. We can still go—”

“Let’s just meet at yours” He insisted.

“Of course” You settled back, a little confused.

You tried to focus on the movie, and you almost did, for a good five minutes before Hyunjin spoke up again, “It’s not that I don’t want—”

“Can you pass me the pop soda, Hyunjin? This fucking kernel is stuck in my throat, and it feels like I'm deepthro-” 

“Yuqi!” You interrupted her, “Why would you put that image in my head?”

She laughed “Just give me the soda, please”

Hyunjin blinked, looking back at her, “Shit. We… forgot to get that”

Her eyes widened, disappointing flashing through, “Oh. That’s okay. I’ll just go get some”

She stood up, the truck creaking under the sudden weight.

Hyunjin sat up too, pushing the blanket off himself, inviting cold air onto your legs, “No, that’s okay. I’m the one who forgot. You’ll miss the movie”

She shook her head, “I’ve seen it before. I’ll come with you, I’m already up” 

Hyunjin shot you a smile, “See you in a bit”

You nodded, watching them walk off, hurrying towards the food stands, so they didn’t interrupt the other cars' views.

Yeonjun bit into the leftovers popcorn, shifting closer to you, “More for us”

“You’re right” You laughed, reaching into the tub to eat some.

“Are you having a good time?” He asked.

You smiled, “Yeah. I am. How are you feeling now?”

“Yuqi’s a good distraction” He laughed, “She’s been taking care of me”

“She’s amazing”

“Can I ask why we’re here?”

“What do you mean?”

He laughed, gesturing to the drive-in theater, “I mean, you haven’t come here in ages, and then Hyunjin bugs us about doing a movie night literally the next day…even though he clearly hates the movie playing”

You stretched your feet out, “Yeah. We’re…checking off a list”

“A list?”

“Of stuff I love about Daejon. He thinks it’ll help me feel better”

“I don’t understand why you two don’t just…date” He laughed.

“It’s impossible, Jun” You bit your lip, “Especially right now”

“Yeah. I know” Yeonjun spoke, “Did he tell you what happened with Jisung? There’s going to be some big lawsuit, I heard, against the company”

“What?” Your head snapped to his, “Did he tell you that?”

“Some of my friends at work were discussing it, when I was on the video call earlier. Hyunjin didn’t tell you?”

“No…he didn’t mention that”

Yeonjun sighed, “It’s probably really shitty for him, to watch his friend go through that”

“I can’t even imagine what Jisung would be feeling” You stared at the screen, zoning out of the movie already, even though it was gearing up towards some of the iconic scenes.

“What’s taking them so long?” He wondered, “They’re missing the best parts”

You glanced around, but you couldn’t spot them anywhere, “They must be on their way. Are you missing your emotional support Yuqi?”

He rolled his eyes, “As if you aren’t missing your emotional support Hyunjin”

You laughed, “I can go check. Maybe they’re picking gummy bears again”

You made your way through the cars, as the movie continued playing in the background. 

Yuqi was walking back to you, soda in her hands. Why was she alone?

You looked around the parking lot, but you couldn’t see him anywhere.

“Hey” She shot you a smile, meeting you in the middle, “I finally got it out of my throat. Man that was so uncomfortable”

You laughed, “You...are so entertaining”

“I know” She grinned, grabbing your arm to lead you to the truck, “Come on, let’s go. I miss my dumbass brother”

“But where’s Hyunjin?” You asked, stopping her.

Yuqi sipped the soda, “Oh, he was right behind me. I’m sure he’s on his way”

“But the two of you went together. Is everything okay?

She glanced at you, but her voice was too cheerful to be authentic, “Of course. Why wouldn’t it be? I'm sure he’s fine”

Why did it feel like she was hiding something from you?

You narrowed your eyes, “Yuqi...tell me the truth, please”

She sighed, “He said he’ll join us in a minute. He told me to go back to the truck! Why would I question him?”

“You go back to the truck. I’ll go wait for Hyunjin” You dropped your arm from her grip, walking back over to the food stands. 

“Wait!” Yuqi made a noise resembling a grumble, and ran after you.

What if he got a call from the city, what if he wasn’t okay?

He wouldn’t just walk out of the movie like that.

The noise of the film carried across the entire area, and it was so loud now, the music swelling and escalating as the film geared towards another jump-scare. 

Frightful and excited cheers echoed through the parking lot, and your heart was pounding, from the bass of the speakers, and from the fear of not seeing him anywhere.

Where could he have gone?

You turned the corner from the dumpling stall, looking over towards the restrooms but the line stretched long, and he wasn’t there either.

You turned around to her, “Did he seem okay?”

Yuqi was cursing, wiping her shirt, “Fuck, I spilled my soda!”

You stepped forward, voice softening, “I’ll get us tissues on the way back, but Yuqi...was Hyunjin oka-”

Then you heard him.

Towards the exit, under the huge drive-in sign, were two silhouettes.

Hyunjin and Yongbok.

You were so far away, but you could see that they were in a heated discussion, of some kind.

“Do you know what that’s about?” You asked her, a lump rising in your throat.

Her eyes were wide, and she shook her head, “No, but Hyunjin told me—”

“They’re arguing...”

“Y/N, let’s just go back” Yuqi spoke, pulling at your arm.

You’d never seen Hyunjin like this. He seemed so overwhelmed, hand over his face as Yongbok talked to him about something.

You pulled your arm away from her grip, walking over to them, and they were so engrossed that they didn’t even notice you coming.

“When the hell are you gonna tell her?” Yongbok was saying, “After you were already gone-?”

“Yongbok” Hyunjin mumbled, breathing into his hands, “Please... try to understand”

He grit his teeth, “I don’t have to understand shit, Hyunjin” 

“What is going on?” You asked, but your voice came out shaky and you thought you’d cry. 

What the hell were they talking about?

You felt sick to the stomach, as they turned to you, like they’d been caught...

Hyunjin’s eyes widened, “Y/N”

You stepped closer, footsteps steady despite the absolute storm brewing inside your heart, “Tell me what...? Is everything okay, Hyunjin?”

Hyunjin looked defeated, as he stepped over to you, “I need to talk to you”

»»————-

⇐ masterlist ⇒

please let me know if you liked the chapter, or any thoughts on this part! thank you <3

if you’d like to support me and my writing, you can buy me a coffee here! thank you so much.

taglist:

@thebelljug @lovhyunj @imthecuteanimal @caratinylyfe​​ @princess-kayleigh​​ @lovelyyyou​​ @ermahgerd-larry-and-ziam​​ @murderyoursoul​​ @hyuneluvbot​​@hyunjinslovelys​​ @danyxthirstae01​​ @jamaisvu97 @lixvs​​  @lcvryu​​ @seungly​​  @hyuka-luvbot​​ @neochaeryeong​​ @xa21x​​ @mel-the-mad-hatter​​ @jellyjelly605 @beaann​​ @sadbixth11 @tae-kook-lover​​ @hyunzales29​​ @hyunhanji @imhyvnjin​​ @hyynee​​ @xpressomarstini​​ @hyyuniverse​​ @tulips4u​​ @kibblesnbites​​ @natskilou

@marsophilia @dragonyeon @yubinismn @yellowroseskolchek @lochness-butmakeitsexy @bangchan-simp @princehyun-jin @sunflowerbebe07 @hyuckie-lee @malachitehoe @leechanniee @lovesickgirl253 @itslinaaaa @lovingonchan @ladytrbl @putmetogetheragain13  @kangyounghyunhands @itsallaboutclassic @fwess @rie-cchi @w-a-v-ee @levantea @hyunelixies @a-person-with-void @jellyjelly111 @werewolves-onthe-loose  @simpsarzie @pumkiinpasties @hyunhoz  @xxencagedxx @agentsofsheilds @miadreams @cherrywithluvxoxo @emmie5168 @lixie-dori @thegoddessharmony @kathdearie @hyuniemie @byunhoebaek @hyunjinslittlestar @shiru-chan @bewitchedoracle @noteighteenanymore @tildisen @kenzielovescookies-blog @punks-rad @tomaytoess @vieysstuff @tanyas97 @sstarryoong @svintsandghosts @awkwardnesshabitat  @kookie04sstuff @hhyune-e @reighlee-greaves​

[impulsivebrainrot]

💀⚠️❗SPOILER ART for FORBIDDEN FRIENDSHIP❗⚠️⭐

-CHAPTER 16: Race to the Edge of the Railroad-

Part 2

“But yeah, we do,” King smiled warmly. “So, wanna do the honors for the next clue?”

King flipped the journal to the first page with the unraveled text, handing it to them.

The Collector cleared their remaining sniffles and smiled, giving a determined nod.

They started reading.

I have made an exceptional discovery.

Of all the creatures I have studied, never have I encountered a truly unique specimen such as the Star Witch. Quite an intriguing stranger. Their physique is akin to the average witch, but their magic is more potent, bizarre— almost celestial. Hence, how I assigned their first name. Although, they also exhibit a slightly petulant personality.

I have decided to dedicate the rest of this journal to learning more about them. Perhaps with more frequent interactions, I would gain better insight on their origins, and how their magic diverges from the common witch population. I shall input more information to the original page if necessary.

As I continue to catalog these creatures, it dawned on me that I am yet to expound on the specimen I am most familiar with— myself. After all, I as well am a living, breathing, being of flesh and bone. And fur… lots of it. 

I am the heir to my father’s position as chief of our village. It would have been my older brother, but my father has seen a more prestigious opportunity for him, as an aspiring member of King Khronus’s royal guard. And my brother, of course, relishes the idea every single day.

He was also the reason why I decided to cast Illusionist’s Script on this half of my journal. He takes pride in reporting ‘reasons’ for my lackluster performance to our father. Show-off.

I also have a little sister. She is adventurous, stubborn, and has a knack for getting into trouble and then getting away with it. I envy that trait. Nonetheless, she is my closest friend, and the only one who takes a genuine interest in my pastime. We both have the woods as our haven.

You must have inferred by now that being my father’s successor is the least of my concerns. For someone who has always been shunned away for being eccentric, I’m not even certain if I’m fit for such a responsibility. I even have trouble merely looking people in the eye.

I have attempted to explain it to my father before, and he… tries to understand. But the next day, I’m in the training courts again.

But every now and then, I slip into the woods, returning to the wild wonders I feel more at home with. These true majesties of nature, I believe, are underappreciated by the denizens of the Motherland. It is among them, as I have mentioned in this journal's preface, where I find solace.

It is here where I become more acquainted with the Star Witch. And perhaps someday, I may forge a stronger bond with them.

My name is Takhida.

And I'm a Titan.

Without wings:

[Zoom ins]

Journal:

also, his quill is from the Winged Firespitter .w.

(damn the quality TT AHKSJHD)

Widdle Were-Wombat (mentioned in Chapter 14: Looking Back to the Looking Glass)

li'l c h o n k >:3

Anyway, I'm sure nothing bad happened to him =w= ✨

[catgrassplantdad]

fic writer interview

i was tagged by the luminous @energievie & @suzy-queued to fill this bad boy out! i remember doing this last year too, how fun! 🩷

1. How many works do you have on AO3?  I've got 20 on there now!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 143,320

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? kinda raw, float, cinematic, and i'm your warm receiver, watching. the four after kinda raw are all pretty close together in terms of kudos, but kinda raw has a lot more kudos than the one after it and i don't understand why. i have written better fics lmfao! y'all are just nasty. and honestly i appreciate that.

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? i try to always respond, but sometimes it gets away from me! i just really appreciate people taking the time to leave a comment, and i want to show that appreciation.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? i don't think any of mine have been angsty!

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? they're all happy, but it might be you outshined the best there was just because of the nature of the story. soft dads, seen from mickey's perspective as he grows into fatherhood over the course of a year, but also so, so plotless. soft!

7. Do you write crossovers? no and i doubt i ever will. one of my very favorite conversations though is when my husband and i insert characters from other media we like into star trek tng or ds9. it's so dumb and so funny. lmao what if i wrote it

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? yeah! once, on one of my favorite fics, ligature. they told me i should sterilize myself because i'm glorifying abuse by writing bdsm, it's a good read

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? i almost exclusively write smut! nasty and loving. i don't know how to describe it but whenever i think i've written something disgusting i inevitably get comments about how sweet it is. which, yeah, it's not like they're mutually exclusive ways to fuck. so yeah, sweet and dirty husbands

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? i don't think so! i mean i hope not

11. Have you ever had a fic translated? nope!

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? i haven't, but i've collaborated on a couple of projects with my dear friend @heymrspatel! i wrote and she made art for cinematic and honeycomb. cinematic was more julissa making art for parts i'd already written, but honeycomb especially was a collaborative process with the way that a bunch of what i wrote was based on things that julissa was visualizing for her art, so parts of it did feel like co-writing. it was the most fun i've had working on anything!

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship? don't make me choose between the angel who fell in love with a faithless man, and the closeted thug who fell in love with the kid who had it bad for him and ultimately had the most satisfying ending. destiel and gallavich are both such incredibly compelling ships!! aahhh!!

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? if there's something i'm not going to finish, it's generally because it became something i didn't want to work on anymore.

15. What are your writing strengths? describing physical sensation and emotional impact, dialogue

16. What are your writing weaknesses? exposition

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? i like evie's idea of just indicating that they've switched to another language without actually writing the language out

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? gallavich

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to? i really want to write destiel smut. i think the nonhuman element could be fun to play with. i've read a lot of grace sex and that shit is soooooo. hot. i want to try my hand at it.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? this changes so often! one i come back to a lot is chapter two of 2022's kinktober collection, the prompts were wax & "yeah, that's it baby, just like that" and i wrote some wax play and i suppose cockwarming although it's not tagged as such. i also really fucking love lush, it's inspired by one of julissa's pieces and it's drunk lovemaking and breathplay. i also need to shout out a newer one, beauty in simplicity from this year's kinktober collection. mickey getting his ass eaten on the kitchen table. there's three fics! i don't care!

tagging @howlinchickhowl @whatwouldmickeydo @whatthebodygraspsnot @gallawitchxx @ohkate @sam-loves-seb @sisitrip @crossmydna @thisdivorce @mmmichyyy @arrowflier if you guys feel like playing 🖤

[daisymae-12]

weekend WIP game

thanks @welcometololaland for this fun game (the perfect way to spend my saturday night 😂) and @kiwiana-writes for the tag ❤️ I only have one art WIP right now so I opted to do the writers questions !!

Rules: List your WIPs below (if you only write one fic at a time, feel free to include future WIPs/ideas!) then answer the following questions. Then, tag as many people as you have WIPs (or more). (questions for artists/gifmakers here).

1. WIP List: ok this question made me actually label my WIP's because they're all just titled "Fic #1", "Fic #2" etc in my google drive 😅

Roommates/College AU

5+1 bestfriends to lovers [Alex accidentally keeps friendzoning Henry lmao]

Supermarket meet-cute (but not cute because Henry manages to piss off Alex)

Fake Dating/College AU [inspired by how my husband and I met]

Vampire Henry

Artist Alex [Bea commissions a gift for Henry]

Canon Divergence from Kensington

Roommates AU ft. stardew valley

Coffee Shop AU

Canon Divergence from Lakehouse

Neighbours AU

Fake Dating/High School AU [also inspired by how my husband and I met lol]

2. Which of your WIPs is currently the longest?

Fake Dating/College AU !!

3. Which WIP do you expect will end up the longest?

Fake Dating/College AU - it's the only one so far that I've made an outline for because I think it'll be long-ish 😂

4. Which WIP is your favourite to write/the most enjoyable to write? Why?

Right now it's my Vampire Henry fic ❤️ enjoying it because I'm not struggling too much to write it - and the ideas have been coming easily 😌

5. Which WIP do you find the most intimidating to write? Why?

ooo probably the two canon divergence ones? mostly because they'll probably be the fics with the most angst - yikes

6. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why?

gosh - all of them? I haven't published new fanfic in over 6 years so it's definitely been nerve wracking even sharing snippets over here for wip wednesday 😅

7. Which of your WIPs will you seek out a beta/sensitivity reader for? Why?

Maybe for the longer fics? I'm not sure if I will! We'll see if I ever get to writing anything long enough 😬 I am sort of warming up to the idea of google doc cheerleaders? I dno, I'm such a slow writer though so it might stress me out 😂

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of writer's block?

yess the Roommates/College AU - this was the first rwrb fic I started all the way back in June LAST YEAR 😭 I wrote bits and pieces of the first two chapters and still haven't picked it back up since 😩 I've also hit writer's block with the 5+1 - I thought this would be the first fic I'd publish for rwrb AND the first fic I'd ever finish but I got triggered when writing one of the scenes which shocked me because I didn't expect it to? I'd even say this fic is light-hearted but yeah I had to stop. Hoping to finish writing that one after Vampire Henry though !!!

9. Which WIP has your favourite OC? Tell us about them?

ooo so far the only fic with an OC is Fake Dating/College AU but I can't say more without spoiling 👀

10. Which WIP is the sexiest?

Everything is such bare bones atm, so I truly don't know 😂

11. Which WIP is the angstiest?

Probably Canon Divergence from Kensington 😅😅😅

12. Which WIP has the best characterisation (in your humble opinion)?

Hoping the characterisation is ok on all of them but right now they're all so short still that I can't pick one out 🙃

13. Which WIP has the best scene setting (in your humble opinion)?

Gosh I am BAD at this - will probably end up being the Coffee Shop AU because cafes are my second home but we'll see 😅

14. Which WIP have you worked the hardest on?

As of right now - been working the hardest on Vampire Henry fic but I anticipate it'll be outdone by Fake Dating/College AU - that one will take me a long time to write based on the outline I've done 💀

15. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for? Why?

ahh I'm not sure! Maybe Fake Dating/College AU? I can already tell that fic is going to be my baby and I hope everyone will like it too

16. Do you dream about any of your WIPs?

Not really but I do daydream about them in the shower 😂

17. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other fics don't?

hmm not sure since everything is still quite bare bones so I'll answer this next time !

18. Which WIP is the funniest or has the most humour?

Right now - Vampire Henry 😅 but not really ??? but yes the most in comparison to everything else so far LOL

19. Do any of your WIPs contain outside POVs or a deep dive on a character other than the main ship? How are you finding that process?

Nope but I do want to write a fic with an outside POV one day!

20. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs.

Vampire Henry fic will probably be the first fic in a series 😬 I have ideas for a sequel OR extra scenes that will be ficlets 🥰

Yay that was so much fun! Love reading about everyones wip's but no pressure ❤️ @myheartalivewrites @heybuddy-drabbles @read-and-write- @suseagull04 @gwiazdziarka @adreamareads @sprigsofviolets @cultofsappho @anincompletelist @lizzie-bennetdarcy @notspecialbabe @littlemisskittentoes @happiness-of-the-pursuit @affectionatelyrs @heartitinthesilence @inexplicablymine @raysletters @tintagel-or-cockleshells @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @sherryvalli

[basedkikuenjoyer]

Cuties on scooties can only mean one thing. I’ve finally finished Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou. Like it matters but I feel like it’s relevant because I started it at the suggestion of a fellow Kiku fan who rightly identified it as something that fits well within that Tsuru’s Teahouse/Bagdad Cafe vibe. Let me set the stage though, and people familiar will get right away why this resonates so much.

Around 2004, I was 14 growing up in a rural town in the States. A rocky adolescence, a town that was growing in the aftermath of a big natural disaster five years prior, and a legitimately rapidly changing world. Really big time for me, and it was the first time I was seeking out anime to help me cope with issues it was hard to talk about. Because of local law, I was also now legally able to operate a small scooter with a new learner’s permit. Being a trustworthy, charming young lady people knew because of my dad...I spent a lot of time either watching obscure anime or cruising around country highways and parts of town I never knew of. All while an old world quietly gave it’s last bow. If you play a classic song like Dream a Little Dream of Me or Girl from Ipanema this is actually the time period I think back to. Because there was a little mini-renaissance of that era as it’s names finally faded away.

Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou bottled those complex emotions into 140 chapters and reflected them back to me in one of the most compelling and unique stories I’ve ever consumed. I cried as much as I have at anything but walked away from an apocalyptic series oddly hopeful for the future. Living “after the fall” doesn’t have to be all bad. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an artist better understand the idea less is more. Spoilers ahead, not that they really matter for a story like this.

This is from the finale, and I love that we never really say what it’s about before then. You get the idea roughly and that’s a big point. We never really explain a lot of elements. This is deliberate. Humanity faced some kind of disaster and is slowly fading out as the climate shifts. It doesn’t have the heavy-handed or grim outlook on this a lot of 90s Japanese works reflecting growing environmental consciousness have. It’s...melancholic. There’s this motif of changes in plant life to mirror remnants of humanity. Love it. 

Story focuses on robot girls built to be the observers, the memory of that “festival” winding down. A lot of time passes in this story. About 20-25 years. But it hits you just like it does in reality. The old man at the gas station looks a little older. Then well, he’s gone. My favorite is how we focus on two children we meet at the start. This might be one of the most impactful manga character arcs I’ve encountered and it barely has any substance. It’s just the weird effect YKK has. It’s spellbinding.

The dark-haired girls are mother & daughter early and late series to give you an idea of the scope. The nude lady is the Misago. Technically an earlier-model robot than MC Alpha and her girlfriend Kokone. Functionally a cryptid that only appears to kids. The boy always hoping he could see the Misago one last time resonates so much. Bummed out she didn’t trust him anymore. Never been one to idolize being young, but it makes me think of like...the unfinished project with a childhood friend. That feeling is all around but past a certain point we just can’t interact with it the same way. “You can never go back.” 

I’m going to have to re-read this one in about a year. But I already know it’s a top 10. I’ve never seen anything like it, and the art is just gorgeous. Stuff like Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou is exactly why I trawl around for obscure anime & manga.

[magicalqueennightmare]

Sins & Amends Chapter 14

(Gif by @ banditthewriter)

Billy Russo x Female Reader (60 part story)

This follows pre- the punisher into the storyline of daredevil, punisher season 1 and beyond

This is NOT Canon Billy. This is decent human being Billy left with bad options over worse decisions

This was also posted to A03 under: WaywardGaPeach. That account and this one is the only place you'll see me post this. If you see it on any other platform/account know it's not me.

Chapter Summary: You always hang tight with Maria and the kids when the fellas are on deployment, unless Curtis calls

Deployments where half your heart was on the other side of the world was something new for you. You'd spent so many years just trying to help Maria and the kids through them you never stopped to realize you'd never even entertained the thought of Billy not making it home.

The first one after you admitted your true feelings was the hardest. You'd find yourself waking up in the middle of the night the first few weeks and reaching out for him only to find half the bed empty. You ended up staying with Maria and the kids as often as possible. You didn't want to admit to yourself just how much it would tear you apart if something did happen to him now.

Once that first hurdle was over you didn't exactly find the deployments easier but you found that you were able to make it through them.

You woke up to the alarm blaring on Maria's side of the bed and burrowed deeper into the pillows with a groan "Ria! Why's it so loud?"

Her laughter hit your ears right before the smell of coffee tickled your nose "I swear you aren't any easier to wake up than you were when we were younger"

You begrudgingly pulled the pillow from your head to see her standing next to the bed with a cup of coffee in her hand "Remember aunt Y/N you promised the kids we'd be up bright and early to go to the aquarium" you took the cup and pushed yourself into a seated position letting the mixture of caffeine and the promise you made Lisa and Frank Jr force you the rest of the way awake.

"Ok let me go grab a shower before the munchkins come and attack" the moment the words left your mouth you barely had time to hand the cup back to Maria before the door of the bedroom busted open and both kids flew full force onto the bed. "Aunt Y/N can we help cook breakfast?" Lisa asked with a broad smile. You glanced at Maria who shrugged so you said "Of course. Go grab the ingredients for pancakes and whatever add in the two of you want" they climbed off the bed and ran towards the kitchen.

Maria held the coffee back out with a smile "Or you'll cook aunt Y/N's famous breakfast then shower" "At least I know they love me" you replied with a smile letting your feet hit the floor and grabbing the cup from her on the way to the kitchen.

----------------------

After making a stack of peanut butter chip pancakes for Lisa and Blueberry for Frank Jr you cleaned up the kitchen then headed for the shower while Maria started another pot of coffee.

------------------

You stepped under the stream of water letting it run over your head as you closed your eyes. The kids wanted to hit the aquarium then they'd want to get lunch and somewhere in there Maria needed to squeeze in some back to school shopping.

You pretty much went with them every year. Even when Frank was stateside clothes shopping wasn't very high on his list of things to do. God knows you didn't mind. When Lisa came along you were thrown headfirst into the wonderful land of being an aunt. By the time Frank Jr happened you already had it down to an art. Those two knew you'd go to the ends of the earth for them (even if you overly spoiled them at times)

-------------------

Once you were dressed you wondered back into the kitchen to find an omelet sitting next to the pot of coffee. "Thank you Ria!" You hollered up the stairs and heard a muffled "You're welcome!" In return.

By the time you were washing your plate off Maria came down the stairs with the kids trailing behind her. "Well as soon as you're ready Y/N I've got everything together" you nodded towards the living room "My purse is on the couch. Let me grab some shoes and I'll be good to go"

-------------------

You watched the sharks swimming around their enclosure. There was something so peaceful about them even if you knew just how dangerous they could be. Almost reminded you of Frank and Billy in a way. When the two of them were with you, Maria and the kids you couldn't find two gentler men but you also knew what skill sets they had and at times you could see that aura of what they could do right under the surface.

Like when Billy had come home from his second deployment once the two of you were official. All of you had went out for drinks and a couple guys had attempted to get handsy with you and Maria. You used the word attempted because once Frank glanced up from their game of pool and spotted you and Maria telling the guys off everything had happened pretty fast.

Frank nor Billy even laid a hand on the guys. No they just walked across the floor and came to stand next to you and Maria. "Honey you ok?" Frank asked Maria his eyes never leaving the two guys. "We're ok Frankie" you replied feeling Billy's grip around your waist tighten. You'd never seen anybody tuck tail as fast as those two guys had.

"Y/N?" You heard Maria call your name and turned around with a smile. The kids were enamored with the giant squid across the walkway. She motioned to the sharks "Did they say something rude?  You were looking pretty lost in thought" you laughed and said "No actually I was admiring how something so deadly is so peaceful when it's left alone"  she watched them for a second then smiled "Yeah you're right"

"MOM! AUNT Y/N" both of you instinctively turned and saw the kids enthusiastically waving you over "THEY'RE ABOUT TO FEED IT!" Lisa hollered and you winked at Maria "Well we don't want to miss feeding time do we?"

-------------------

The kids loved the aquarium and if you were honest their enthusiasm had made you develop a love for the place yourself over the years.

As for the back to school shopping Lisa enjoyed the shopping part. Frank Jr didn't want to spend all day trying on clothes but you managed to get him to begrudgingly take the stack of clothes into the dressing room.

Both of them loved shopping for new shoes. Jr ended up wanting a pair of sneakers and a pair of boots. He looked between you and Maria with a smile "I'll get him the boots" you told her and got the look you always did. The clearly "You're spoiling them" look. You simply smiled then looked over your shoulder at Lisa "Lis pick a second pair and I'll buy them" her smile widened before she plucked the pair of boots she'd liked off the shelf and held them out to you.

-----------------

You were walking out to Maria's van when your phone rang. You knew it wasn't Billy so you pulled it out to see it was Curtis calling you. "Hey Curt?" You answered and Maria cut her eyes at you. "Y/N...I need your help. You remember that friend of mine Charles?" "Yeah" you replied feeling a knot already forming in your stomach. "He got some bad news today. He can't re enlist and well I'm worried about him" "Pick me up at my place. I'll run in and grab my med bag and be waiting out front" you answered without hesitation and heard him take a breath "Thanks" "Any time"

Maria nodded at the van "Come on. When you get through just let yourself back in with your key if it's too late" you smiled at her in return "Thanks Ria"

-----------------

You knew there was one reason why Curt would be calling you. You had access to narcan and he didn't. You didn't know what to expect so you grabbed your whole bag then ran downstairs and saw Curt's car parked right outside your building.

You put your bag in the backseat then slid into the passenger side "Where we headed?" You asked as he pulled out. "I know a couple places we can check. Man Y/N we gotta figure something out to help these guys" "We will Curt. We will"

-------------------

Four hours later you were stitching up a large cut across Charles' back while Curtis managed to get some water in him without him throwing it back up. "Curt the narcan bought him around but he's not out the woods. I mean with all the wounds he has I don't want to think about what may happen if he goes into detox without medical assistance"

"I know Y/N. I've just got to get his head straight enough to talk him into a program. I already called someone and got a bed waiting" you nodded and continued your work. After this particular cut there was a gash across the top of his head that would need some staples. You heard your phone ringing in the top of your bag and groaned "Curt! Get the phone! That's Billy's ringtone!"

You listened as Curt answered your phone "Bill.. it's me brother...Yeah... Hold on" he waited until you snipped off the thread then held the phone out "Talk to him. I'll do the staples" you peeled your gloves off and let them fall to the floor before taking the phone "Hey baby" you said the moment you had it to your ear.

You walked away from where Curtis was stapling Charles' head in the small hotel room. "Y/N where are you? It's like midnight there. I mean I know you're ok since you're with Curt" you took a breath and glanced back before saying "One of the guys he knows from the V.A. got some tough news. If we hadn't found him when we did he would've either bled out from the injuries or the drugs in his system would've killed him. Why the fuck they let him get a ninety day prescription of meds after telling him he couldn't re enlist when he'd working towards that goal for months is beyond me"You could almost see the smile on Billy's face when he said "My girl. Saving people even on her day off and willing to fight the government as an entirety over enlisted men and women"  "Well I happen to take it personally" "Is that right?" He asked a teasing tone to his voice "Yeah that's right. I mean I have one who's basically my brother that got out cause he was hurt and another one who's practically my brother that's still in" you teased back with a grin.

"Uh huh" was his dry response so you laughed and added "Plus there's a certain marine I happen to be in love with" "Lucky bastard" he replied without missing a beat. You dropped any teasing when you said "I miss you Billy" "I miss you too sweetheart. We'll get through then we can start building something not only for us but to help some people who need it too"

The two of you talked for a while. You caught him up on what you'd been up to with Maria and the kids and he told you about some of the new guys in the unit with him and Frank. About the time Charles agreed to go to the inpatient center Curtis was talking to him about you heard Frank holler "Bill! Tell Y/N I said hey then c'mon"

"Tell Frank I said hey and I guess I'll talk to you when you get a chance to call again. I sent a few letters off two days ago. You should be getting them soon" you tried to hide the sadness you felt every time you had to hang up with him. "Gives me something to look forward to. I'll try to call tomorrow or the next day. All depends. I love you Y/N. Don't forget that" "Never in a million years. I love you too Billy"

When you turned back around after hanging up Curtis was helping Charles into a shirt and jacket so you moved to pack up yours and Curtis' med bags. "Want me to drop you off at Maria's before I take him?" He asked but you shook your head "I told you I'd help. That means helping the entire way" Curtis smiled at your words and even Charles managed a small one "Thanks Y/N. Curt said you're a good person" you patted his non wounded shoulder and said "I'd like to think I am"

----------------

It was nearly three by the time you collapsed on Maria's couch. Normally you'd share the bed with her but you didn't want to risk waking her. You knew the kids slept in on Saturdays so you would at least manage a few hours of sleep.

@intothesoul

@weallhaveadestiny

[skzhocomments]

In the Dark - Choi Minho SHINee Fanfic - Chapter 13 - A night to remember

General masterlist

Story masterlist - please consult it for the summary of the story, trigger warnings etc.

Wattpad | AO3

Chapter 12 | Chapter 14

---

Chapter 13 - A night to remember

chapter word count: ~4.1k words

~Jieun’s POV~

Things started falling back into a peaceful routine after the night I asked Minho to come over. He was less busy with work, so he’d come every day to school to pick Nari up, and we’d take her to her art classes together, then we’d either go for a coffee, or take a walk and talk if the weather was good enough.

We decided to take it slow, to give us some time to get used to each other again, and to know more about each other before progressing any further in the relationship. It was quite funny, really, as we slept together many times already, but not as Jieun and Minho. Apparently, Charisma and Flame were way more adventurous and brave, while Jieun and Minho were acting like teenagers in love.

Minho told me lots of things about his childhood, about his group of friends that he couldn’t wait to introduce me to, about how he grew up and how he got into music. In turn, I told him about my friends back home, about when my passion for teaching started, about my first love and heartbreak, and we both listened to each other as if the other held the secrets to the universe in their words.

As time went on, I started falling more and more in love with Minho and the small gestures he did to care for me. He’d place his hand on the small of my back when we walked if we didn’t hold hands, and if we did, he would bring my hand to his mouth and kiss my knuckles ever so often, making my heart flutter. He was a gentleman through and through, taking me out on dates, bringing me flowers and sometimes gifts, despite my protests to stop spending so much money.

Nari and I also got closer to the point where I would even take her to her doctor’s appointments to get her shots, to the dentist, and to the mall to get clothes and other supplies. We both enjoyed our girl-time away from her dad, but we also loved spending time all three of us.

Today, just as usual, Minho came to pick Nari up from school. It was a Friday.

“Hey.” He said with a large smile as soon as he opened the classroom’s door.

“Hi. Just in time. We’re ready to go. Nari?” I smiled back and gave the girl my hand, that she quickly took with a large grin.

“Art school~ Art school~ Art school~” Nari started singing, to which Minho chuckled.

“Not today, baby. Sorry.” He said, making both me and Nari confused.

“Why not?” She whined.

“Because we have to go somewhere else today.”

“Where?” Nari continued inquiring, her lips forming a cute pout. She looked so sweet, that Minho couldn’t help it but bend down and squish her cheeks together and kiss the pout away.

“We need to go to the hospital to see grandma. She’s getting discharged today, so we’re taking her home.”

“Really?!” Nari gasped. “Yay!”

“Oh, that’s great.” I smiled sincerely.

“Miss Park, will you also come with us to the hospital?” Nari asked, her eyes pleading.

“Oh, Jieun, you don’t have to if you don’t feel comfortable.” Minho quickly intervened, but I shook my head.

“It’s fine. I’d love to tag along if you’ll have me.”

Minho nodded with a smile, and we all made our way to the hospital. I noticed Minho kept looking at me, as if concerned I might stumble back into a bad episode by being back there. However, unbeknownst to him, this wasn’t the first time I’ve came back to the hospital after my grandmother’s passing.

Quite the contrary, actually; I’ve came here every week, in time intervals carefully selected so that I would not accidentally bump into him.

We reached his mother’s room and Minho knocked before opening the door.

“Grandma!” Nari practically jumped out of Minho and my hands and ran straight to her grandmother, who was up and about in the room.

“If it’s not my favourite granddaughter!” Grandma bent down and kissed her forehead, and they hugged. “I missed you, my little artist.”

“Missed you too, grandma!” Nari smiled and hugged her tighter, and the scene unfolding in front of us was very heartwarming, bringing a couple tears to my eyes that I was quick to wipe away.

When they were done hugging, Minho’s mother came towards me and grabbed my hands lovingly.

“Jieun, dear, it’s good to see you again so soon.” She said, and Minho looked at us confused.

“So soon?” He asked, and we both chuckled.

“Yes, considering I saw her two days ago!” Grandma laughed, and Minho’s look only grew more confused.

“What?”

“I told you not to tell him!” I playfully scolded his mother, and she rubbed my hands soothingly.

“Really?” Minho looked again from me to her, fondness in his eyes.

“Son, the look on your face when you’re in love is priceless, but go grab those bags, will you? I want to go home and spend some quality time with my granddaughter.” Grandma instructed, her words instantly making me blush.

Minho cleared his throat and followed his mother’s orders, and not even half an hour later, we reached her house, where I also got to meet Minho’s dad, who welcomed me in their home with open arms.

While Minho and his dad caught up, Nari and I helped his mother cook dinner.

“Miss Park, can you show me how to cut the potatoes again?” Nari tugged on my shirt.

“Of course, sweetheart. Let’s first peel them. Can you grab the peeler, please?”

“Yes!” Nari exclaimed and jumped once in the air happily, going to the cutlery and searching for the small instrument. Once found, she triumphally returned to me and I showed her again how to peel the skin.

“6 potatoes… ooooneeeeee, twwooooooo. Hey, how come you use a knife to peel them? I also want to use a knife!” Nari frowned.

“I use a knife because I’m older and I know I won’t accidentally cut myself. Until you grow up a bit more, using the peeler is safer.” I reminded her.

“But, but-”

“Nope. No buts. I won’t even hear it.” I chuckled.

“But whyyyyyy?”

“Do you want to hurt your hand and take a break from painting?”

“Nooo!”

“That’s what I thought.” I laughed again at her antics.

“What do we do after we peel them?”

“We can grab a cutting board and a knife-”

“I have some kids ones over here.” Minho’s mother rummaged through her drawers and pulled out a brand-new set of knives safe for children.

She washed it in the sink and gave it to Nari, who started chopping the potatoes as I’ve shown her.

“You’re so good with her.” Grandma said quietly, just for us to hear. “And she seems to like you a lot. I’m really glad. You know, Jieun, maybe raising another woman’s child is not the easiest feat in the world, but if you’re willing to overlook this, we would be more than happy to welcome you into our family.”

I looked at her for a few seconds, and when I opened my mouth to talk, she cut me off.

“Actually, who am I kidding?” She smiled. “You’re already part of our family, dear.”

She rubbed my back a few times then went to Nari to examine the potatoes she cut.

~

During dinner, the sense that I belonged next to Minho and his family settled deep down in my chest, and for the first time in months, I felt happy and content.

I didn’t even realise that happiness started being a regular part of my life, creeping in slowly during quiet moments next to Minho after his daughter would go to sleep, and during the loud moments next to Nari, who was becoming a little chef under my guidance every other day, when we’d cook dinner together.

“Grandma, can I show you what I drew today?” Nari asked excitedly, already pulling out her sketchbook.

“Of course, my dearest.” She patted her hair lovingly. “But first, let’s walk Jieun and Daddy to the door, shall we?”

“Sleepover time?!” Nari jumped up, excitement radiating from her whole body, while her grandmother nodded.

“Oh, do you wanna keep her tonight?” Minho asked, which meant they haven’t discussed this priorly.

“It’s the first night I can spend with our little angel, so of course I’m keeping her! The whole weekend!” Grandma pushed Minho towards the door, then looked at me and winked behind his back.

I felt my cheeks turning red in an instant, and I avoided her pressing gaze immediately. Still, once Minho and I were outside and he grabbed my hand to walk together to his car, my heart started thumping harder inside my ribcage, and I suddenly felt shy.

“We’re all alone, hm?” Minho spoke, cheerfulness lacing his tone.

“Mhm. Haven’t been in a while.” I replied, feeling his hand gripping mine tighter.

This was true, except for the afternoon coffee after dropping Nari off to her art classes together, we never had much alone time. Nari was way too wary with other babysitters, not that we even tried getting one, but we both knew how she would react due to past experiences, so most of the time we spent together was spent with her as well, and I never dared to sleep over because the thought of seeing Minho next to me in bed was simply too overwhelming.

“Jump in, I’ll drop you off home.” He opened the car’s door and pecked my lips with a sweet smile; however, I wasn’t sure I wanted to go home and sleep alone tonight.

“Which home?” I asked, pressing my lips against his and daring to bite his bottom lip to make my intentions known.

He grinned into the kiss, and before he got the chance to grab and kiss me again, I pulled back and plopped myself into the passenger’s seat.

He closed my door, then rushed over to his side, getting into the car next to me and starting the engine. Looking at his focused expression while driving was making it hard for me to form any rational thoughts in my head. All I could think of was his mouth on my body, his perfectly toned muscles contracting under my touch, his-

“What is it, Jieun?” He asked, finally noticing that I’ve been eating him up with my eyes ever since we got into the car.

Flustered that I’ve been caught, I turned away and mumbled something, but Minho just chuckled, his right hand moving from the wheel to my naked thigh, squeezing it softly.

I praised myself for thinking to wear a dress to work this morning.

Good idea, Jieun.

With each minute spent on the road, Minho’s hand roamed higher on my thigh, and I could feel my skin prickling at the sensation of his fingers pushing their way further up.

Once we stopped at a red light, he turned his body towards me, grabbing my chin and raising my head to kiss me hard. He wasted no time in licking my lips and forcing his way inside my mouth, his tongue desperate to touch mine.

His grip on my upper thigh got tighter as his kisses grew more intense, and eventually, his hand moved even more, his fingers brushing against my panties. The moment he pressed against my crotch, I let out a stifled moan in his mouth, and he grinned again.

I needed him so badly; I must’ve been soaking wet.

Our make out session was rudely interrupted by an impatient driver behind us, who honked at least 3 times before Minho decided to pull away from me and start driving again.

“Fuck.” I said quietly, my eyes still closed. I leaned back in my seat and looked at my now empty thigh, gulping. “Minho?” I looked at him, and he looked at me briefly to see what I wanted.

“What?” He asked, and he saw my eyes fixed on his right hand. “This?” He raised it in the air with a soft chuckle, trying to place it back on my thigh.

However, instead of letting him do that, I grabbed his hand and raised it next to my face, opening my lips to put two of his fingers in my mouth.

The way Minho looked at me as I sucked on his fingers made me even wetter, and the curses under his breath made me wish he’d just pull over already.

“Shit, baby, we’re gonna crash if you keep this up.” He said, his eyes full of lust. I took his fingers out of my mouth and held onto his hand as I started speaking.

“You’re not the only one who can play, you know that, right?” I challenged him, dropping his right hand on my chest and squeezing my hand on top of his, to make him feel my left breast. He immediately started biting his bottom lip.

“Jieun, for fuck’s sake.”

“What?” I asked, feigning innocence, quite enjoying how hard it was for him to alternate between looking at the road and stealing glances at my body.

“We’re almost home baby, don’t make me bust before I get to be inside you, please.”

“Mhm.” I leaned back into my seat, already picturing our bodies entangled in his sheets. “I’m still on birth control, by the way.”

“Music to my ears.” He chuckled, and minutes later we pulled into the underground parking lot of his apartment complex.

When he stopped the engine, we looked at each other, yearning for the other’s touch, and neither made our way to the doors. Instead, our bodies reacted like opposite magnet poles, reaching towards each other, our hands exploring, and our lips kissing as hard as we could.

“Upstairs is so far away.” Minho bit me again before pulled away with longing in his eyes, that were stuck on my now bruised lips. His thumb brushed over them and he took in a deep breath. “Shall we go?”

“Fuck, yes.” I nodded rapidly and didn’t wait for him to open my door to be the gentleman he always is. Instead, I practically jumped out of the car and ran towards Minho’s arms, who scooped me up just to feel me closer.

“I don’t want to let go.” He whispered, putting me back on the ground.

“Then don’t. I plan on holding onto you for the whole night anyway.” I replied and saw a smirk creeping onto his face.

“You know what I like very well, don’t you?”

“Of course.” I smirked back, feeling finally grateful for having those personal forms from In the Dark. I knew how much Minho craved intimacy, and I just knew we were about to have the most intimate, wet, sloppiest sex of our lives.

We didn’t stop kissing in the elevator, our roaming hands still exploring each other, even if our fingers recognised the other’s body very well already. Despite not having had sex in a few months, my hands still remembered him, and from his confident touches, it was clear his also remembered me.

It was hard to open his front door with my body pressed so tightly against it, but nonetheless, Minho managed, and he scooped me into his arms again to take me to his bedroom.

He placed me carefully on the bed, still kissing my lips, and then he lifted his body from on top of mine, nibbing at the skin on my neck and kissing his way down.

I needed him so badly, fuck, I wanted to squeeze my legs together just to relieve some of the insane pressure I felt, but his body wouldn’t allow it.

“Minho, please-” I begged as he kissed my naked thighs, but to my disappointment, he didn’t reach for my pussy yet. Instead, he kissed his way down to my ankles, taking off my heels and returning to his spot between my thighs.

“Please what?” He asked, and despite not seeing his face, I just knew the fucker was grinning from ear to ear.

“Come here. I want to feel you so bad…” I leaned my head back. Being prideful in this moment wouldn’t have helped the insatiable need I had for him. “I’m wet enough.”

“So?” He asked again, and before I had a chance to protest, he kissed my pussy through my panties. “You’re so naïve if you think you’re not gonna come multiple times tonight, Jieun. The first will be on my tongue.”

As he said this, his hands gripped the sides of my panties and he took them off, before settling back between my legs. His mouth didn’t hesitate to connect to my core, licking between my folds and forcing sounds out of me I didn’t even know I could make.

He knew exactly how much pressure to put with his tongue, how to move it, when to lick my clit and when to tease my entrance to prepare me for what was to come, and moments later, he got me panting for air and gripping the sheets.

“Fuck, you’re so hot when you moan like that, babe. Say my name.” Minho commanded, but it was hard to speak with how airless he left my lungs.

He left me no chance to recover from my orgasm as he stuck two fingers in my pussy, ripping a desperate moan from my lips.

“Fuck, Minho-”

“So, this got you talking, huh?” He chuckled, curling the fingers upwards and rubbing slowly against my walls.

“Don’t be mean to me. We have the whole night for me to moan your name.”

“I can’t help wanting to hear you.”

“I want to hear you too.” I confessed, feeling Minho’s fingers deep inside me, grateful for his gentleness as my body still recovered from the previous orgasm.

“You will, don’t worry.” He reassured me, pulling out the two fingers before I started to feel more pressure against my entrance.

“Minho, what are you-”

“My fingers are next.” He grinned.

“I can’t… it’s too soon.” I complained, feeling his three digits stretching me out. If moments ago, he was kind and patient with two of his fingers, he wanted to make sure to stretch me properly this time. All the kindness was gone.

“Let me be the judge of that.”

“Ugh.” I relaxed and let him enjoy himself. Firstly, he pulled them in and out a couple times, as if to get me used to the feeling, but after a little while, he started curving the fingers upwards once again, listening closely to every sound I made.

It started feeling way better than I imagined it would, and once he brushed against a perfect spot deep inside me, my body convulsed, and I arched my back involuntarily.

“Found it.” He grinned, focusing on that spot inside, and I didn’t know what to do with my hands as the pleasure was getting too intense.

The sheets were not enough to support me anymore, my grip on them even tighter than before, and my whole body started shaking as I felt my second orgasm approaching.

“Come on, baby, let it go for me, will you?” Minho asked, his fingers never once tiring, and my body listened to his words, my second orgasm washing over me like a strong wave.

“Fuck, Minho!”

“Good girl.” He praised, pulling his fingers out as my legs immediately clenched together.

I turned on my side and waited for the waves to stop, and Minho climbed behind me on the bed, hugging me tight.

“That was incredible.” I turned back and pressed my lips against his, a faint taste of myself still present on his mouth.

“You are incredible.” He kissed me again, hugging me tighter.

“I’m not sure I’m ready for the third one though.”

“Where’s the rush?” He asked. “I’m gonna fuck you for the whole night, there’s plenty of time to make you come one or a few more times.”

“I’m not sure my body can handle so many orgasms. I’ve come enough.” I chuckled.

“I decide when you’ve come enough.” He spoke lowly in my ear, sending shivers all over my body.

“You still haven’t gotten yours though.” I ran my hand from his chest to his still covered crotch.

His bulge was visible through his pants, and the moment my hand touched it and squeezed tightly, he let out a moan.

“You also sound hot when you’re vocal like that.”

“Oh, yeah? Do you want me to moan your name then, Jieun?” He asked breathless, longing in his eyes.

“Mhm. Let’s hear you moan.” I grinned as I shifted on the bed, climbing on top of his chest with my butt turned to his face to give him a nice view. From this position, it was easy to open his pants and take out his cock.

He was painfully hard, and the moment I touched him, it pulsed, full of need.

I didn’t hesitate to lick his head and take him into my mouth, and soon enough, his whole length was down my throat as I struggled to the best of my ability to take him.

“Jesus Christ, Jieun.” Minho moaned, which encouraged me to bop my head up and down on his dick, while my right hand played with his balls.

A few moments later, I pulled back to get some air and moved from on top of him, settling between his legs with my face in his crotch, facing him.

I resumed sucking him off, deliberately slowly at first to force him to look at me, and when his moans intensified, I picked up the pace.

I tried keeping him in the back of my throat, even if his length was hurting me, but with his praising hand on top of my head, I knew he was enjoying it.

“Fuck, babe, I’m gonna come.” He moaned, and before he started cumming down my throat, I pulled away and quickly moved my body, straddling him and aligning his cock with my pussy.

“Jieun- ”Minho moaned even harder as I let myself fall onto his dick, and he started cumming in my pussy, one of his hands a fist in his mouth, the other gripping my hip tight enough to bruise.

He raised his hips as he came in me, and even when he was done, neither of us pulled back.

“Your dress- take it off.” He instructed.

I quickly followed.

“Fuck, you’re so hot. Better than I imagined.” He spoke in a breath, squeezing my tits and admiring my body.

“What, did you dream about me?” I grinned and moved slowly, trying to see if he’d get hard again. Minho didn’t disappoint.

To make sure I’m keeping him inside, I let my body fall on top of him.

“Of course. All the time, my dear. Haven’t you?” He countered back in my ear, putting both his arms around my body and holding me tight against his chest as he started moving up and down himself, not letting me move at all.

Fucking himself from under me, Minho’s cock was reaching all the right places.

“Fuck.” I closed my eyes tightly and enjoyed the feeling, as his hands moved towards my butt and used it to push me onto him.

“Cum is a good lubricant, huh?” Minho asked with a soft chuckle.

“Mhm. You’re so good, babe-” I praised him instead, using the same pet name he used on me, and he squeezed my butt before pulling out.

“Turn around, I want to see you under me so bad.”

“Front? Back?”

“Although your ass would be one of the best sights in the world, I’d much rather see your flushed face.” He smirked and I playfully slapped his arm.

Still, I followed his words like the submissive bitch I am and laid on my back, grabbing my legs from behind my knees and pulling them towards me.

“Fuck.” Minho licked his lips and came between my legs, pushing his dick in with no hesitation.

Soon, his hands replaced mine on the back of my knees, and he pushed my legs as much as he could towards my chest, reaching angles I didn’t even know were possible.

“God, don’t stop.” I rolled my eyes back.

Minho replied with a grunt, his fingers digging deeper in my skin as his thrusts became more erratic.

“Minho, fuck, I think- third-” I tried to speak, but he was simply too good in bed. I couldn’t say anything more as I gave into his thrusts and came the third time that night, this time on his dick.

“Good girl-” Minho tried speaking too, but the focus on his face and his sloppy movements made it clear that he was also close to cumming.

“Come in me again, my love.” I whispered, taking his hands away from my legs and pulling his body towards mine.

He fell on top of me, keeping his face right above mine to be able to look in my eyes.

“You’re so damn beautiful, Jieun. Perfect for me.” He spoke in-between hurried breaths while holding me down and thrusting as hard as he could, until he released himself with a loud grunt.

“You’re too good to be true.” He whispered once he was done cumming, kissing my neck as he pulled out.

“Minho, I-”

“I love you.” He cut me off, looking into my eyes. “I love you so much, Jieun. You’re the only woman I ever want to be with, and I’m not saying this because we just had sex. I knew I loved you from months ago, and-”

“I love you too.” I cut him off this time and raised myself to shut his mouth with my lips, and we both smiled like idiots, so in love with each other and so close, we didn’t know where one ended and where the other began.

~

Chapter 12 | Chapter 14

[juno-box]

BTSing my Fic w/Juno: DoTWD Ch.1 & 2

Hey howdy! So I wanted to share a bunch of behind the scenes things with my fanfic, this time around namely deleted scenes, added scenes and scraped content! Let’s begin!

Chapter 2

So, if you don’t know, I have a word doc that lists out potential plot points for every season from 1 to 4. I also keep a folder full of scraped characters, chapters and cut dialogue for some reason! So far this is for every episode with the most being from Episode 2, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

Originally, Travis was not going to play a part in the story, and his role was split between two new characters that would’ve made an appearance in Chapter 2.

These two characters were called Olly and Debbie (both characters being a homage to a TWDG fanfic I wrote back in 2015 on Wattpad), and were two siblings that snuck into Clem’s house to help their mother, who was bitten. Unfortunately half the doc didn’t save, so I can’t upload a snippet from it, but it initially went the same, but the person sneaking about upstairs would’ve been this 11-year-old girl named Deborah, who shared a personality similar to Sarah from Season 2. She would come down stairs while Clem and Ray were hiding and call out to them. Ray would jump out and aim a spatula at her, freaking Debbie out. Oliver, a 14-year-old boy, would come downstairs and defuse the situation with a flashlight, but Ray would accuse them of being robbers. Olly would spin the accusations back on them and accuse them of being murderers, to the girls’ horror. Clem would defend them both saying that the house they were in was hers, and Olly asks her to prove it. She would then point to the art on the wall near the front door with name on it. Olly apologizes, and Ray asks why he would call them murders. Olly says it’s because there’s blood all over the place, like the kitchen and on their shoes. Ray and Clem would look down and see they tracked blood on the floor and then freak out.

Clem asks them why they broke in, and Debbie explains they were going to the store when they got jumped in the parking lot (by a walker). They got away in their car but their mom crashed a little ways down the street, and was hurt bad so they brought her inside and to the bathroom upstairs.

That’s where I scrapped the plot point. I was going to plan for their mom to replace Sandra as the walker in the house but the roadblock I ran into was that I had no plans for these characters. They weren’t even being treated like props at the bare minimum, they truly had no role or impact in the story. So I scrapped them.

The second version of Chapter 2 didn’t involve a stranger or Travis, but instead the girls would’ve ran into a walker Sandra.

This version I DO have an intact, written chapter for and will upload it to read here! Feel free to compare the differences!

This actually came AFTER I’d written the version with Travis, because at the time I had no clue if I really wanted Travis to be a part of the story at that point, so parts of Travis’ role was given to Clem instead. But what made me change my mind was that I wanted to introduce the fact that Rachel did have an older brother, and it without Travis this fact wouldn’t be brought up until way later. Additionally, and most importantly, it made Clem look as if she had to baby Ray. Even though at this point in the story, they’re both 8-years-old, it kind of came across that Clem would have to treat Ray like she’d treat AJ in the future.

Sandra was going to live until Chapter 2

I mentioned this before but I’ll elaborate. Sandra was supposed to live until Chapter 2. She would’ve been bit, of course, and getting worse. Clem suggested that they should bring her inside where it was more comfortable, but Sandra would tell them that it’s too dangerous for them to leave the treehouse. Sandra would’ve then taken the trip back inside, saying she’ll call for help and if she didn’t return, do NOT come looking for her. She would then disappear inside and not come out.

Scrapped this idea before it was written because I couldn’t really build on it, but assume it ended up similar to the “No Travis” version of this chapter.

Rachel was initially going to start the apocalypse at her house + another pivotal character

So this is interesting, around me writing Chapter 8, I had an idea to change Chapter 1 (ik how dumb, right?). This version of Chapter 1 started pre-apocalypse, about a week before and was actually during Rachel’s birthday.

The chapter started with Ray & Clem talking to each other over the radio before a flash back started. Clem and Ray would’ve been on a bus coming from summer camp. They would’ve been looking over a scrapbook when their friend (who was ANOTHER pivotal character) Alfred would’ve sat with them. The three would’ve talked about camp for a bit before being interrupted by bullies sitting behind them. They would’ve picked on Alfred for being illiterate, mainly their leader William, who would’ve been holding out his hand with something written on it. Rachel would’ve grabbed his hand and spit in it before the three jump out the bus at their stop.

Sandra would’ve been there and picked them up. She’d ask them about camp and they’d each tell her something about camp that would’ve played important later on in the fanfic.

So they arrive at Clem’s house and Ray’s mother is outside. She hugs her and asks why she hadn’t left for Savannah yet. Mom says she wanted to hang out with her babies before heading to the coast and ushers the kids to the backyard where they see a surprise birthday party set up. The kids go off to play and the adults talk.

The adults present are Ed, Diana, Emily (Ray’s mother) and Hank (Alfred’s Father). It’s implied they’re all childhood friends, by the way. Hank points out that Ray’s father didn’t show up, to which Emily would’ve said he’s busy with out of town work. Hank would be critical of this before Diana intervened and drug him inside to work on the piñata. Emily then talks to Ed about it.

Inserting a time skip, Ray’s opening presents. Emily hands Ray a gift and she opens it. This is how she would’ve gotten her stuffed rabbit, Captain Yellowbear. The flashback would’ve ended with a camera flash and picked up with the start of Chapter 2, actually. The only difference being that Ray would’ve actually been home instead of at Clem’s. Travis would find her and Ray would say they have to go save Clem because she’s all alone. Then the scene where the girls would enter the house and run into Travis would’ve happened, only difference is Clem would’ve been alone and ran into Travis and Ray.

Wait… Who the hell is Alfred?

Ah… he’s…

You’re gonna laugh.

Remember during Episode 1 in the office of the pharmacy, Clem can mention she had a friend named Alfred with a peanut allergy?

…

That’s Alfred.

I wanted to add another canon character to the fray that Clem and Ray would know. That would’ve been Alfred, a kid they went to school with. He would’ve made an appearance in Episode 2.

Yes, he had a FULLY RENDERED & RIGGED MODEL. Actually, he had THREE different versions.

A COMPLETELY WRITTEN INTRODUCTORY CHAPTER.

The ONLY reason he was shelved was because HE was the character that made me believe I was making the world too small.

It’s the apocalypse, you’ll never know who you’ll run into.

But what are the ODDS that it happens that much? And with the amount of times people reunite in the story, it can only happen so many times before I and others assume the world is about the same size as Knox County from Project Zomboid, y’know?

Sorry, Al. You were too good for this world.

Convince me otherwise, and maybe not...?

The POV with Travis was added months after I’d already written Chapter 2

Just as the blurb says. That whole scene with Travis on the phone, and traveling to Ray’s house was added just around a month or so ago. There was a chunk that was unwritten about how exactly he got to Clem’s house but it dragged on and wasn’t important. I might actually write it as an Extra Chapter in the future because it was relatively interesting.

That’s all she wrote for now! I’ll be back for Chapter 3!

[hobbit-in-kuroshitsuji]

Kuroshitcember 2022 Prompt Nr. 25 - Christmas Special 3/3

prompt: Sebastian bears an awful resemblance to someone held near. Pick a character and let them realise this!

You can find all prompts here!

All of these will be uploaded/archived to this blog's Ao3 eventually

📌Because I ended up not being able to participate in quite a lot of prompts lately, I decided to put together a 3 part little story for 23rd, 24th, and 25th of December, each chapter inspired by that day's prompt. I tried incorporating as many characters as I could <3 I hope you enjoy!! I hope I can keep up writing after Christmas though <3 these prompts have been amazing, and it's been so much fun participating <3

Summary: On Christmas Day, the Phantomhives host a special Christmas Dinner. This year, it's even more special than they anticipated... as memories of Vincent flood everyone's minds. CW: kuroshitsuji spoilers (if you don't know about o!ciel and r!ciel, do not read this 3 parter!!), mentions death, suicide, anatomy study, workhouses - please be careful if you are easily triggered by real events that happened in the past. oh, if you don't ship Vincent/Undertaker, please don't send hate <3 it's just a fleeting mention, but still <3

“What…” Sebastian and Ciel stood in the dining room, forty minutes before the annual Christmas Dinner was set to begin.

The decorations that the servants, along with Agni and Prince Soma, had put together were………..

Interesting.

It was all made of paper and glittering glue. Tanaka had tried to show everyone the best way to create Christmas crafts to decorate everything – but the servants weren’t the greatest at following orders.

Amidst well presented art made by Tanaka were some that were… either plain ugly, burned to a crisp, or confusing imitations of Christmas trees.

Sebastian hoped they were Christmas trees, at least…

Oh, and the Undertaker had shown up early to the party, inviting himself to aid in the Christmas crafts to add some “festive skulls” to the decorations – of course, because why not?

Prince Soma had also taken it upon himself to change the way the table had been carefully prepared by Mey-Rin, removing all chairs for everyone to sit on cushions on the floor, and removing the “confusing amounts of cutlery”. How Prince Soma had managed to find a low enough table that housed over 14 people, no one knew. Not even Agni.

“He looks positively pale. That means we succeeded in what dear Finnian called the ‘wow’ factor,” the Undertaker said with an air of sarcasm only Ciel and Sebastian seemed to pick up on. The glares they sent his way only made the Undertaker fall into a fit of laughter.

“My lord, I will immediately change–“

“Don’t.” Ciel interrupted his butler. He sighed. “Despite what I might think of the decorations… it does incorporate the culture and personalities of everyone at the estate including the varieties of guests we’re serving. Christmas doesn’t belong to aesthetics. It belongs to the people. Just leave it. Spend the time double checking the food is… up to standards though. I’m starving.” Ciel turned to leave, but paused to add a quick: “Focus on the desert, actually.”

Sebastian sighed. This Christmas was definitely not running the smooth, traditional way it usually did. Then again, what else did he really expect at the Phantomhive estate?

“I think he liked our decorations,” Finny whispered to the others with glee.

Shaking his head, Sebastian left them to their joy to double check Agni had saved the food.

…

“He acts awfully fatherly, doesn’t he?” Ronald pointed out. He and his red dressed reaper partner were on their way to give William the… (sort of) bad news.

The holidays were a time when reapers had to work overtime. For a full 24 hours, they had to deal with suicides (this was not on Ronald’s pay-roll, only certain reapers were allowed to handle these), murders, starvations, people freezing to death, and other freak accidents (a lot of people die from candles, surprisingly)… Normally, there was a night shift. But with the added family drama humans often brought to the holidays, the night shift also had to work 24 hours alongside the day shift.

“Who?” Grelle asked.

With three more hours to go, things were starting to calm down. When Ronald and Grelle walked through the office, people weren’t running around with papers and bloody scythes anymore. People were starting to clean up instead, or slumping down in their chairs with a hot beverage to calm down.

Ronald pitied the reapers that had to take first shift in the morning after all these hours – but this was the life of a reaper. They had to suck it up.

“That demon of his. Of Phantomhive’s.”

“If you ask me, it only shows what good potentials he would have as a husband,” Grelle said simply, smirking.

“You want children?”

“If they’re mine I wouldn’t quite hate them so much,” Grelle scolded. “If they were mine, they would have impeccable taste and not shout so much. Obviously.”

Shaking his head at Grelle’s words, Ronald refrained from commenting on it. Truth be told, Ronald could see her being quite a good mother. There was empathy and gentleness hidden away behind a façade of craziness.

Though… that was not what either reaper should be focused on anyway, because they had just reached William T. Spears’ office door. Preparing themselves for the scolding of a life time, they opened the door to find their supervisor hunched over his table, paper everywhere from table to floor to even one stuck on the ceiling, and with his hair a complete mess. The long shift had taken a toll on him too, it seemed.

Which most likely only meant the scolding was going to be ten times worse.

“Ehm…” Grelle pushed Ronald ahead, forcing him to take point on the bad news. “Mister Spears, sir. We uh… We just came back from London-“

“Yes?” William snapped, lifting his gaze from piles of papers to try and locate a report in Ronald’s hands. Upon not seeing one, his eyes narrowed into anger which was dangerously murderous.

“Uh – Well, you see… Those uh, workhouse children you asked us to reap?”

“Yes?” Despite only speaking so few words, it was crystal clear what William still meant. Honestly, it was a gift that he could portray so much with just the inclination of tone… and glares…

Hurry it up, Knox, I have work to finish.

“Uh, we didn’t get their souls. The demon – Sebastian Michaelis – got in the way… We did, however, get some other souls that took their place if that’s-“

“What?” William straightened up behind his desk. “What do you mean he interfered? We- We would have known if he was going to! Those children were set for death, we were not told of any inclinations of possible fate twisting changes-”

Standing up, William began rummaging through the mess on his desk, lifting papers, throwing some to the floor even, to try and find what he was looking for.

It was madness, really. William T. Spears was never disorganised.

“William, darling,” Grelle piped up, stepping up beside Ronald with a less crazy look in her eyes than she usually had around Will. “Have you allowed yourself even a second’s break?”

“What does that have to do with the – There,” William found what he was looking for, apparently, and lifted one folder for him to read through. “Six souls, aged between 6 and 10…”

Then it got quiet.

“They’re not deceased?” William asked again for clarification.

“No, sir.”

“None of them?”

“None.”

William flopped back down into his chair, folder falling to the floor as he let out such an exhausted sigh that it looked like he had given up on life – again.

“It’s not in the report. Which means Sebastian acted upon a nature which was not predicted by fate, which indicates it even goes against demon nature… Those are four separate reports for me to fill in after work, not to mention the two reports I will have to write taking your statements, then write up a full conclusion of my own investigation as I go down there-“

“William,” Grelle interrupted. “That’s impossible for you to do all alone after this shift.” She walked up to him, noting he was still listing reports and documents he needed to take care of because of this one incident under his breath, not listening to her.

He was beyond exhausted. He was getting delirious.

“William…”

“No, you cannot help. There is a Christmas dinner being served for all who have participated in this long shift.” The words ‘you both should go, I’ll handle this’ were not said, but it was heavily implied.

“William, darling, you do so much for us all…” Grelle tried with a frown, earning nothing more but a shake of his head. Approaching him, she sat down on the arm rest of his office chair, wrapping herself around him, arm around his shoulders. William didn’t budge, not even leaning away from her to try and recover some personal space.

It was both an act of affection from Grelle, and her making good use of this version of William so she could have some intimacy… But it was mainly a testament to William’s exhaustion. If William had been feeling alright, he would have pushed further, moved away from Grelle’s attempts to let her help him.

“How about, we give you a break not for you, but for someone else?” That sentence was entirely confusing, even for Ronald. Both male reapers glanced at Grelle in confusion. Gently, she brushed some stray strands of hair away from William’s face, an act normally not needed should the supervisor be feeling like himself. “If you can’t take a break for yourself, then take a break for someone else…” That didn’t clarify it either. “Besides, you have to go there anyway to investigate the premises and search for that demon.”

…

Apologising profusely, Mey-Rin wobbled up the ladder. Her glasses were fogging up from the sheer anxiety… But she soon calmed down when Agni remained gently smiling at her, doing nothing more but climb the second ladder to assist her.

The entrance hall to the Phantomhive Manor was huge. Literally. It was a testament to the wealth of the Phantomhives, and a testament to the dramatic flair of a certain demon who had “helped” rebuild it.

Of course, the servants and everyone else didn’t know about the latter part.

Its grandness meant that the walls were extremely tall, perfect for fitting large portraits of long lost family relatives onto it; watching over the going-ons in what used to be their domain.

One such portrait was that of Earl Vincent Phantomhive, the previous head of the family before Ciel.

“Sorry to disturb you, sir,” Mey-Rin whispered to the portrait. “Twas all my fault, I’m too clumsy.”

In harmony, Agni and Mey-Rin lifted the long line of tinsel up and stuffed it back behind the top corners of the portrait. Around the entire hall, Christmas decorations were put up high up to create a flair of glistening beauty as a welcome to the guests. Mey-Rin had… somehow… tripped and let one plate fly up into the air, only for it to bring the decorations down with it.

Agni had been present, catching Mey-Rin before she fell face first onto the floor, before then proceeding to help her fix the decorations.

“There we are,” Agni calmly said, “all fixed again, and no one will ever know anything even occurred here.”

Yet, despite being done, both stayed up on the ladders, staring at the portrait. It was immaculately done, with details only the finest of artist, or closest of friend, would have known existed on Vincent’s face.

“He looked like a kind gentleman,” Agni eventually said. His voice echoed against the walls, but no one paid it any attention. All guests were currently in the dining hall, enjoying the peculiar decorations, the fine food and each other’s company. Even Ciel had been seen cracking a smile from time to time when Elizabeth said something – that in and of itself was a Christmas Miracle, truly.

“I wish I could have known him… I bet it woulda gladdened the Earl plenty if someone could tell stories about his dad,” Mey-Rin pondered.

“Tanaka could, no?”

“Tanaka does, but… There’s something between the two of them. I can’t tell what, but sometimes it feels like Tanaka doesn’t want to remind Ciel of the past, even the good stuff.”

“It can be painful sometimes… To know the good will never come back.” Agni sighed. “I see it in my prince’s eyes sometimes. He does not want to go back home, but he does miss it… I know he does.”

“But there’s new good things here,” Mey-Rin said.

“Yes.” Agni smiled at that, offering an appreciative smile toward the maid. “And that is the case for your master too.” Slowly, the two started heading down the ladder again. “I heard he spent the afternoon helping the poor.”

“Yes he did indeed, sir. My master is the kindest. He took us all in too, even if we were… not exactly the best of servants.” Done on the marble floor once more, the two continued to stare up at the portrait. “I wish he could have something other than a portrait of the good times, I do.”

“He has a great Khansama. Actually…” Both servants suddenly cocked their heads to the side, realisation hitting them both. “His Khansama looks a little like…”

“Yes,” a third voice said, “so you’ve noticed it too?”

…

“That was mighty kind of you, sir,” Ronald praised, stuffing his mouth full with leftover stuffing.

“You are meant to eat that with the turkey – Oh why do I bother? You’re going to do whatever you want anyway,” William sighed, rolling his eyes.

He, Grelle and Ronald were perched atop the church roof once more. Down below them, Christmas carols were being sung by a choir, their voices a beautiful background to a Christmas morning sunset. Across the road, the workhouse stirred with laughter, cheers and prays of gratitude. Not only had the children been offered toys that day, but the children had also been given a mysterious feast of Christmas food – prepared, unknowingly to them, by the reapers who had wrongfully predicted their deaths.

Sitting atop foldable beach chairs, the reapers took in the sight of their charity as kids rushed around sharing the food amongst each other; food they otherwise would have never gotten, not even a goose to share between them.

“It wasn’t my idea, Knox,” William corrected. “Though I suppose no one will ever believe it if we said Sutcliff offered up a luxury of hers.”

“Hey,” Grelle commented with offense, “I can be nice sometimes. Besides, you really needed a break from working with the dead.”

“That’s… awfully insightful of you,” William said in surprise. In his hands, he held a plate of food he was enjoying at the end of their shift. His held more turkey than the others. He’d been forced to have more turkey on his as he had made a simple comment that he enjoyed turkey – apparently, hearing William say he ‘enjoyed’ something was seen as a Christmas Miracle, which then urged Ronald and Grelle to fill his plate with turkey.

“I take offense to the fact you sound so surprised.”

“And I am surprised Miss Sutcliff isn’t throwing a tantrum over all these offenses thrown her way,” Ronald teased. “’Tis a Christmas Miracle!”

Ronald’s last words were said in unison with one of the kids rushing outside to throw themselves into the snow, creating a little snow angel out of glee to have new toys and food all within the span of 12 hours.

All three reapers – yes, even William – chuckled at that.

Sometimes, working with the dead meant little appreciation was offered to the living. All they saw was the suffering toward the end, moving past the good they saw in the cinematic records like it was nothing, but always taking note of the bad. The good… was easy to forget, and easy to set aside when in reality that should be what people focused on the most. Successfully eating three meals a day, successfully brushing one’s teeth, seeing a puppy on the street, having access to one’s favourite books, being able to go for a walk, laughing with friends – or, in this case, sharing Christmas dinner on the roof of a church whilst enjoying the merriment of happy children being fed by luxuries no one on Earth had (William was going to get in trouble for this, but for now… he didn’t worry about it).

As shifts ended, other reapers joined them too. It wouldn’t become a tradition, but it was a pleasant way of spending Christmas morning together as a found family in the afterlife.

…

“Yes,” a third voice said, “so you’ve noticed it too?”

The Undertaker had been taking a break from the merriment of nobles. He didn’t mind it so much, really, he was used to accompanying the Phantomhives at holidays. It was just… a lot, and a lot of colour and a lot of jokes that only made half sense to him as a being who knew the intricacies of the universe.

It got tiring to dumb it down sometimes.

Besides… lately… these holidays had been a tad more difficult for him. It used to be that Vincent sat at the head of that table, Rachel by his side and twins running around the table until they were told off by Madam Red. It used to be that the Undertaker sat on one end of the table, next to Vincent, whilst Rachel sat opposite him on the other side of Vincent.

It used to be that Vincent would hold both their hands under the table, offering glittering, appreciative glances to both as they secretly celebrated a shared holiday as a family bigger than the onlookers thought it was.

It used to be…

But it wasn’t no more.

Now, a child pretending to be another child sat at the head of the table, with the Undertaker far away… watching as a demon who had stolen the looks of his beloved tended to the butler duties and whispered in the young lord’s ear. It was suffocating to know more than even demon and master…

But it was also pleasant to be reminded of the old days, in a sad sort of way. And it was pleasant to be reminded of what he was attempting to change… what he was trying to accomplish…

So when he had walked back to the bathroom and heard the maid and prince’s butler talk about Vincent, the Undertaker had stayed in the shadows to listen in. He couldn’t quite help it.

Nor could he help but butt in once they realised a truth he so desperately wanted others to realise too.

Why did the demon choose a father’s face if demons could not care for humans?

“Yes, so you’ve noticed it too?” Mey-Rin and Agni spun around so quickly that the Undertaker simply had to cover his lips with oversized sleeves as he let out a giggle. “The face of a dead father returns in the shape of a black butler, mimicking the human like a raven found at cemeteries, picking at the dead… waiting to pounce…”

“I… sir?” Agni voiced as Mey-Rin was too scared to ask anything at all.

This particular guest was always an enigma to all. He helped the young lord, yet he also… was curious. Scary, sometimes. As if he was an antagonist waiting to show his true colours.

“teeeheee – look at your faces,” the Undertaker giggled. “Did I fool you? Vincent was a great friend of mine. If you want to know anything ever all you have to do is call on me. I aid not just the dead.” The Undertaker was beginning to walk away, when Agni stopped him with his words.

“Sir? Do you think Earl Ciel chose Sebastian as his Khansama because he felt… that the familiar face was comforting?”

The Undertaker dramatically turned around in a slow gesture, tilted his head to the side and offered a tooth revealing grin as he said: “Oh no, I think it was the exact opposite. Those with dark hearts are not meant to become attached, but I think something in the past of our beloved hell of a butler changed the man to want the child to choose him as his most trusted protector. Like a father. I think the man chose the son.” The Undertaker grinned at their confusion. “But then again, I’m just a crazy fool speaking far too many truths. I should return to the feast.”

Indeed… the Undertaker had a feeling that the face was chosen purposefully, so Ciel would feel calm around that which was a demon of hell, meant to scare kids. Whatever past the demon held had meant that the demon understood how a child’s mind works… It knew Ciel needed a father figure to help feel comfortable as he exacted revenge. To keep motivated.

And to feel safe.

…

“I don’t mean to speak ill of the master’s guests but… What a strange man,” Mey-Rin pointed out.

Agni quietly nodded his head, not wanting to speak ill of anyone either. “Let’s return to our work. The feast will be over soon.”

…

“Sebastian?”

The demon paused in the doorway. Room dark from the night. The only light source was the candle held by Sebastian, and the moon shining brightly outside. The child barely saw Sebastian. But the demon saw him as he turned to look.

It had been a long day, and Ciel was exhausted, his breathing even a little ragged from poor health making him even more easily tired.

“Yes, my lord?”

“If Timothy wanted you to be his father, how could you… take his soul?”

The question struck deep within the demon, eyes turning red. Enough about Timmy, already. His master really needed to learn to let go of the past – then again, if Sebastian started teaching Ciel that, his work to get Ciel’s vengeful soul to perfection would fail.

“In truth, my lord, I found ways to extend the contract. I am not proud of it, but I did. It was… a confusing couple of years.” Staying in the doorway, Sebastian only felt comfortable admitting this because of the distance between them, and the fact that Ciel’s question had come out slurred, indicating the boy was half asleep and might not remember this. “And it was not easy to take the child’s soul. Nor will it be this time.”

There was no reply. Sebastian assumed Ciel had gone to sleep and left the bedroom, locking the door behind him.

Left alone in the darkness, Ciel, quietly, pondered those words. The face of his father had spoken those words… It felt… Strange. Oddly comforting.

When Christmas Day ended, Ciel fell asleep with a peaceful smile on his lips…

__

taglist: @eemoo1o-animoo

[purplekoop]

I think because of the specific ways I had internet access growing up and what I was dealing with during "traditional fandom baby time", I've felt kind of distant from the standard fandom experience, even for fandoms that I've followed the main official content for while it was ongoing. At most it was a one-way thing, where I could look into the fandom but not really be an active contributor.

I saw 2012 TMNT on the night of the premier and did my best to watch any episodes I could for a good few years after that, but looking up fanart at 2 AM on my phone when my parents couldn't see was the most I really saw people interacting with it further. I saw a Raph x Mona fankid and it blew my mind for... some reason. Look maybe just the image and notion of the tall space lizard lady being affectionate just did something to a young me. I'm not even sure I saw her debut episode before seeing the art so that was. Probably confusing.

There was also Gravity Falls, a show that I was really only able to follow thanks to wiki articles youtubers piecing together the clues that I didn't have the brainpower or ability to pause episodes to figure out myself. Shoot, shoutouts to Valiskibum, a channel I haven't checked on in years but is still a legend for posting about the theory that predicted *Ford.* I don't know if they came up with the theory on their own or if they just made a video sharing it to a wider platform, but in either case they get appreciation from me for making my dumb kid brain aware of it. And even other than that, I watched ANY news about the show LIKE A HAWK while it was still airing. I tried to follow the Cipher hunt but at that point I lost track, and any side media like books and comics that were released after that is news to me whenever it gets brought up now.

But like. Even *then* it feels like there was so much I missed. I've been following Hana Hyperfixates on YouTube lately (their tumblr url is escaping me), and it boggles me that even for a show I stayed caught up with constantly throughout its entire run, fully aware of its deeper mysteries, it still feels like I missed so much of the experience of being a fan of the show because I just. Wasn't in the fandom loop.

And those are just the shows I *did* follow as they were airing, that doesn't even scratch the stuff I wasn't into as it was happening.

I didn't see a full playthrough of *Undertale* until November of *2021* where I played it alongside my partner during thanksgiving break that year. And not making the same mistake twice, I had followed Deltarune soon after its spontaneous reveal, because I didn't have much better to do with my increased internet access. I played Chapter 2 as soon as it came out, so I was lost on everything from the lion waitress to "what's a NEO" until after the fact. Look, I just thought an Undertale was an annoying popular thing my friends with bad taste were into back in middle school. Now here I am, quantum egg on my face, panicking over the fact Papyrus has touched grass.

All this to say that now finally having this here tumblr starting at "only" the age of 20 (which, in the grand scheme of things, isn't as far off from 14 or 16 as people make it out to be, I'm basically just a teenager with more self awareness) is... interesting. In a nice way, I think.

It's this silly little fandom stuff like fics and OCs and RP and AUs that always felt so distant to me, but was basically the later childhood of my partner and many of my current friends. Stuff that they treat so naturally because they basically grew up on it, while I'm basically just now really getting a grasp on it myself.

It's stuff that I'm just now getting the platform for and familiarity with to really let myself indulge in. It's why I'm so happy with the Splatoon OCs, it's me finally getting to have that silly fun with this kind of stuff that it feels like I've been missing out on for a while.

I've had fan OCs before, all the way back in middle school, to the extent they made a full expansive crossover universe combining every series in Smash Bros into a unified cohesive canon (that's where my username comes from in fact, my sona for years was literally just a unique purple-shelled koopa). My friends were in on it and everything. But then after hitting high school, I eventually abandoned that universe, despite the expansive story I made with it. Partly because I felt like it was too convoluted with too many characters at that point, but also because I'd convinced myself it would be stupid to commit to a creative project that I can't make a profit out of. Essentially, I thought it was dumb to put so much energy into something if it wasn't "productive." This was a sentiment it took me way too long to shake.

So! Yeah! This is officially the "living my cringe" era! I'm going to make Splatoon characters with very canon-inaccurate proportions hold hands and give each other a kiss on the cheek! I'm gonna make a Deltarune AU that I know is probably gonna age like milk because the actual story isn't finished yet! I'm going to post my ideas for how I'd turn the TF2 mercs into Overwatch heroes! And NOBODY's gonna stop me!

...

Hey when did 5 AM get here.

[vriendenboekjes]

I was tagged by @quimerical to answer 15 questions and tag 15 people to do this as well. thanks so much!!! <3

1) named after anyone? my second name is after my maternal grandma :) my brother's second name is my paternal grandpa's so we're even. I think his was for a hope of better family relations on that side but unforch that didnt really happen but MY grandma RULED

2) last time you cried? uuuuhm i had just gotten feedback on my thesis chapter and it was a bit too much to handle

3) do you have any kids? i do not

4) do you use sarcasm a lot? not really i think? Sometimes for humorous effect but lately i think ive gravitated more towards dry statements.

5) what’s the first thing you notice about people? walk walk fashion baby. no but i think hair? i love looking at hair and hairstyles so that's why i think i pay attention to it. Also what colours they're wearing.

6) color of your eyes? greenish. i guess in english you would call it hazel but in dutch there isnt really a word for it as far as im aware

7) scary movies or happy endings? dependsssss. on my mood. I think a lot can be said for either.

8) any special talents? not really.

9) where were you born? the hospital in a city.....

10) hobbies? i play lute and guitar :) taking care of my plants, going for walks, and i love to sing but im not good at it, im also learning mandarin online and it's really fun!!! but also slow going. And hypothetically i love to read even though i haven't really had the time for it lately. I also really want to get back into writing and other forms of art, but i need to build up my confidence/rhythm again. Also sudokus and other puzzle books and lately ive been really into i think it's called code breaker? You get 3 letters that are assigned a number and then you have to figure out the other words on the page and which letters correspond to which numbers etc. Also in the colder months i love textile/fiber stuff like knitting and needle felting but NOT when it's warm out.

11) any pets? my parents have a dog :)

12) what sports do you/have you played? nothing these days but i used to swim, do ballet, jazzdance and contemporary. I tried tennis and hockey (sooo bad at it) and kickboxing for about half a year but decided that wasn't for me. Also I had a gym card for a while and that was pretty fun!

13) how tall are you? about 1,73

14) favorite subject in school? im assuming school means high school here? i loooved english class but i'll be honest a big part of it was that i had SUCH nice teachers. Harder to say in uni. I think most of my major-specific courses were quite nice. But the best time in my life was when i just had an internship and i had soooo much time on the side to do other fun things. The country was kind of going in and out of lockdowns during that time so there wasn't THAT much to do but at least i had lots of time to read.

15) dream job? i don't dream of work but uhm maybe this isn't really the point of the question but talking semi-realistically I think programming for a festival could be really nice. I think it's such a nice puzzle of overarching theme, then how does the performance/installation fit with that, then maybe a talk on the side. A few years ago for above-mentioned internship I had to put together a fictitious program and it was so much fun to think of all the possibilities and how to engage the audience the best way.

tagging: @xiaoguiwang @pussykech @brigittefitzgerald @stardewvgf @wulfhall @farhanqureshi @pinkloving @lynchiangf @engulfes @morqwen @soulmvtes @pumpkinspicedlesbian and 3 other people i cant think of right now...... no pressure to do this of course and if i havent tagged you but you want to do this please tag me!!!!

[zee-has-commitment-issues]

zee i’m BEGGING for your dark and mysterious backstory

*sigh*

Alright. I had to ask my girlfriend's advice, but alright.

Everyone settle in. Get some popcorn. This shit is long, and it is batshit. There are five people that know the entire story. Me, the other person it involves, my girlfriend, Dani, and my other best friend who we lovingly refer to on this blog as "the golden retriever." My therapist also knows, but we don't really count that. But that is it. That is everyone who has ever gotten to know.

There should probably be trigger warnings on this, but I don't even know what it could possibly be for. So like TW for mentions of suicide, inappropriate minor-adult relationships, death threats and probably a few other things.

I used to be very involved in the Harry Potter fandom. And some of the fandom still brings me comfort, and I do love a lot of the fan-made content that JK Trolling has nothing to do with. I, however, cannot consume Harry Potter content in the same way I used to after this story, and I'm sure you'll see why.

Now, if y'all were involved in the Harry Potter community on TikTok in 2020, you probably heard about Golden Boy. It was a Fred Weasley fanfiction, for those of you who have no idea what I am talking about. It was... explicit, to say the least.

It was a Fred Weasley sex novel. I'm not even going to try to sugarcoat it. It was a very explicit sex novel.

I heard about it through TikTok, like most people did. The author was named Samine, and she had a pretty decent following on TikTok (150K when I found her I think) and she had a very large reading (about 2 million people when I found it). It was kind of a trend on Harry Potter TikTok to read GB and record your reactions, so I did that. She liked the video and commented on it and that was the first time I interacted with Samine.

I was 16. She was 21.

It was during quarantine, so I didn't have much to do, so I started working on an art piece. I drew one of the original characters from her story. I sent it to her and said "hey I made this. You probably won't see this but thank you for the inspiration" and the whole thing, you know?

Well, she did see it, and that began my very long relationship with the author of Golden Boy.

She asked if she could post it on her Instagram, and add it to the beginning of her new chapter, and of course I said yes. She had almost 200k followers on TikTok and 40k on Instagram and 3 and a half million readers and I was sitting there with my 2000 followers, so of course I said yes. I did not expect the reaction I got. I gained a shit ton of followers overnight and people wanted more art, so I started making more.

Now, here's where it gets a little shady. Samine was 21. She asked me to lie about my age because of the nature of her story. Being the naïve little 16-almost-17-year-old that I was, I, of course, said yes. I told people I was 17 almost 18 for over a year.

I started getting some hate. People kept saying it looked like I was making my headshots on ArtBreeder, but we cleared it up quickly by posting a video of my process and it mostly went to rest. I still got some mean messages, but it wasn't too bad and Samine told me not to worry about it because she "got way worse."

It should have been a red flag, but alas.

After like 5 headshots (unpaid, even though they took 15 hours each, of course) she asked if I would be her official artist. And, again, I said yes without a second thought. We started an Official Golden Boy Art Instagram account, and we started getting followers on there. Her following grew on all platforms, her readership getting to about 14 million reads at some point, and mine was steadily growing as well. I was really excited.

At this point, "Zee" was born. I was going by my actual name, and it just wasn't working anymore. People were finding me, and my friends, and my family. It was uncomfortable. It was scary. I started going by Zee so fewer people would find that shit out about me, but it still happened and if you look back far enough on any of my social medias, you'll find my real name. People found my school. My High School. Someone called my school and pretended to be my mom.

Samine started talking to me about some really personal things. Her mental health, her issues with her family, her sex life. (again, I was underage the entire time I worked under Samine) We had a friendship, as well as a work relationship. Which, I suppose, is why I did thousands of hours of work for her unpaid. Each headshot could take anywhere from 15 to 30 hours and I normally charged for them, but I didn't with her, and they took up way too much of my time, so I couldn't really do commissions anymore. I didn't care. I had a following, and I was getting brand deals and it was super cool.

Then things started to take a turn. There were people who had found details in GB that were... less than politically correct. There were some racist undertones, some mlm fetishization, and some blurred lines of consent. Some of it could be explained away with author ignorance and at that point I was convinced I knew Samine enough to let her explain it all away.

That did not stop death threats to both of us and she got doxxed, but oh well.

She took the story down at 20M and started rewriting it. The whole time she was telling me about her mental health, her family drama, her sex life and romantic relationships. I would like to put here that she had a gf and was telling me every detail about how they sexted and shit. It wasn't uncomfortable at the time, but looking back, I want to smack myself across the face.

She reposted the fic after a rewrite, and it was met with mixed reviews. Some people were happy to have it back. Some people were still upset with Samine (FOR OBVIOUS AND VALID REASONS) and some people were just finding out about everything for the first time. And, once again, people found problems in Samine's writing. This time it couldn't be boiled down to ignorance. Because she had been told at this point. It wasn't ignorance anymore.

She was doxxed again. Hacked. Someone was like dead set on making sure she didn't have a platform (and honestly she probably shouldn't have had one). There were like "fandom wars" and stuff. People were defending Samine and people were ripping her to shreds. People were in my DMs every day saying shit and at one point I had to post something saying that I wouldn't be answering or reading any more of them because I was getting too many threats.

I was called... awful things. Things I cannot repeat here. I didn't have anything to do with the fic except the art and the "marketing" for the rewrite but I was friends with Samine, and that was close enough for them. It was really bad. My mental health suffered. But I was more focused on Samine's mental health because she had told me before that she was suicidal.

When Samine went offline for a few days at a time without notice, I was looking up obituaries for her hometown. That's how scared she made me for her. Every time something went wrong, or we disagreed, or I told her she did something ignorant, she brought up the fact that she was suicidal.

Please keep in mind I WAS SIXTEEN AND SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD.

So, one day, when I was with Dani and Golden Retriever, I got a text that say "{her real name} died. She killed herself last night." And I believed it. Because I didn't have any reason not to.

It became a really big thing. I had like 5,000 unanswered DMs when I opened Instagram (it had been a few hours because me, Dani and Golden Retriever were on a day-road-trip), the GB account was blowing up, someone was posting on Samine's account. I got in contact with a few of our other GB "team members" and let them know what was going on. Because I was the Official Artist, they believed what I told them.

THEN Samine's ex-gf texted me and was like "hey, the bitch isn't dead."

When I tell you Dani, Golden Retriever and I were baffled.

But, sure enough, she was posting on twitter all merry and shit. So I texted her on her actual phone instead of Instagram and she answered. I'd spent like 12 hours crying into Dani's shoulder about this bitch being dead and she literally wasn't. She was alive. She was fine.

Samine pretended she didn't know what was going on. She said she got hacked (by a stalker she had conveniently never told me about before). She had me post her statements to the Official Account while she "worked on getting her account back."

Samine eventually "got her accounts back" but decided the drama surrounding GB wasn't worth it and she abandoned the fic. She abandoned her account. She abandoned me.

Turns out: BITCH NEVER HAD A HACKER OR A STALKER. SHE FAKED HER OWN DEATH. FAKED HER RESURRECTION TOO.

She left me alone to deal with the fallout of it all. I still get hundreds of DMs a week asking about if GB is coming back. I have abandoned the GB account, mostly abandoned my original account from before GB and cut ties with all things Harry Potter.

I literally cannot watch Harry Potter anymore. It sends me into a panic. It hurts me. I also don't make art anymore. It feels wrong. For a very long time, I also didn't write because Samine had convinced me that I would never write as good as she did.

I know I didn't do anything, really. I was a kid, and I was being manipulated, just like all of her followers were. I still feel extremely guilty for being part of something that hurt so many people.

I don't know how the fuck I managed to get through it. I was seventeen and receiving death threats for drawing pretty pictures. I was seventeen and reading explicit private messages from a 21/22 year old. I was seventeen and lying about my age so people wouldn't call her out about her inappropriate relationship with me.

I made a few good friends from it. I met my gf because of it. I am literally bonded for life with Dani and Golden Retriever because they are equally traumatized from the day that we all thought Samine had "died."

I find the good in it because it's all I have.

At the height of GB I had about 15k followers on Instagram (more on tik tok and other platforms). I'm down to about 2k now on the Instagram I use, and I am more than happy with that.

So, when someone said earlier that I was "famous" and I said no it is because I know what it's like to be an "influencer" in a fandom, and this is not it. When asked if I would start drama for fun, and I said no, it is because I've dealt with that shit before against my will and it is not fun.

That is my dark fandom past. I feel guilty for it, even though I shouldn't. I'm fucking traumatized from some of the dms I got over the year and a half I was working on that fic.

Overall, YR is better. My 1000 unhinged tumblr followers are better. I am very content to never do a brand deal again.

[naruthandir]

Funny to me how for most people it's a LOTR->Linguistics pipeline but for me it was a linguistics->LOTR pipeline. I never really had an interest in reading Lord of the Rings because the whole thing used to struck me as very boring and I didn't really care but from ages 12-14 I was really getting into fantasy worldbuilding and conlanging "formally" (I did do that kind of stuff before that, but I didn't know it had a name or that there were comunities formed around it) and I said "Look if I am going to be a nerd about this I am going to be a full nerd about this I can't go around life calling myself a Fantasy Nerd™ when all I know about LOTR is that there is a fucked up goblin guy and Legolas has a bow" so I decided to bought the Fellowship of the Ring book in the bookstore because I am autistic and I have a hard time engaging with material I am unfamiliar with so I just picked the safest option and then I read it in a weekend. I came home, I sat down to read, and from the very start I was invested. Because Tolkien had THE BALLS to open his book with an extensive infodump about Hobbit culture and I was so into that. And the chapters in the Shire, they were a genuine delight for me. I thought the book would be boring but it was fun! It was funny! And hobbit culture felt so alive...

And when the final chapter of the Fellowship came I almost cried. Rightly, it was at that moment I realized that this was going to be a life-changing experience whether I like it or not.

Since I didn't have the rest of the books back then (and I wasn't really able to get them for reasons I don't remember) I did the most autistic thing: Right after finishing it, I decided to read it again, because I was that obsessed. I made so much silly cringy art of the characters as I imagined them and it was all I could think about in school. When I finally got my hands to The Two Towers and The Return of the King I decided to refresh my memory by reading Fellowship AGAIN and because it was summer I had the luxury to just sit down and read all day long and it was great.

I went into the books as blind as you could possibly go: I knew there were conlangs and lore, I knew there were elves, I knew the protagonist was named Frodo and the plot was about destroying a ring (there is also a being that calls the ring precious because its like a drug? Idk). But not much else. I didn't know Boromir was going to die. I didn't know about Galadriel or Elrond or Aragorn or Sam. Yes, I didn't know that Sam was a character. I was genuinely surprised at each turn the plot was taking. I was surprised about how GAY it all was (why didn't they tell me about this??) and I was absolutely shaken and emotionally destroyed with the ending. The Return of the King was an awakening of sorts for me, because I was expecting a whimsical fantasy story and instead I got to see The Horrors and I just couldn't believe the comic relief characters were dealing with suicidal ideation, out of all things.

And the last bit of Frodo's journey... Well, the scene in the tower of Cirith Ungol was genuinely rough (when Sam found Frodo, he was naked. And I just closed the book and stared into the ceiling for a while. I just had to take a break real fast) and the struggle with the ring as they got closer to Mordor and I was constantly almost-crying-but-not-quite and I knew, even though I went into the story un-spoiled, I knew Frodo wouldn't give up the ring. And then having him deal with the aftermath of it, and I was so distressed the whole time because finally, someone out there gets it. He sailed off to the west and I cried. I actually cried, right after finishing the book, yes, but for a few nights after as well. It was, well, a lot to process for 14 year old me. It had me looking up the diagnostic criteria of PTSD on Google at three in the morning because this can't be right. It wasn't that bad, surely I'm just being dramatic.

And it is very funny, that I was getting into the books expecting extensive sections of infodumping and lore and LINGUISTICS and I did get that, don't get me wrong, but I also got an emotionally resonant story that complelty re-contextuslized my lived experiences, helped me process stuff I had been shoving down the back of my mind because I didn't have the words to even describe it to myself, and lowkey turned me into a transgender anarchist. I was a changed man (just now fully aware that I was a man in the first place). It blew me away completely.

And it also reinforced my interest in linguistics! I often joke about this, but as a kid, I used to read the dictionary instead of paying attention in class. I liked words. Like, a lot. I liked the way words interacted with each other. I was like 9, perhaps, when I first attempted to create a made-up language, for a race of fictional mermaid race. I was really into My Little Pony at the time and I stole a lot of the story from there (don't forget I was nine) and my attempt at conlanging utterly failed, but still. LOTR felt pretty much tailored to me, when I finally gave it a shot. My favorite appendix was, of course, the one dealing with translation. If I was mildly interested in linguistics before this sent me down a rabbithole. I did my whole final school project for graduating on minority languages of Europe (though, due to the pandemic, I never finished it, which is a shame). I picked the literature course in high-school over the fine arts course because they had a morphology and etymology class. I named myself Beren, for fuck's sake, and I've been going by this name in real life for two and a half years by now. That's how important it was.

I really can't overstate how much this silly little book with silly little fairy people influenced my life. It's. Well, it's cringy, it's awfully, awfully cringy, embarrassing, mortifying. Isn't it funny, that we are shamed and made fun of for loving things so unapologetically? For genuinely connecting with art? Even though that's like, the whole point?

I just want to say. This is important to me. This means a lot to me. I keep talking about it but I can't help myself because it's hilarious. I went into this book out of a sense of responsibility and it completely changed my life.

This post wasn't meant to be this long. Uh. Sorry. I just wanted to make a silly joke about "Tolkien fan goes on to study formal linguistics, but it's not for the reason you think" but it turned into this whole personal rant. This is like a tendency of mine, no I don't know how to stop it. I'm sorry if this is in your dash lmao