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haikyuu-boys-headcanons · 4 years ago

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𝙷𝙰𝙸𝙺𝚈𝚄𝚄 𝙱𝙾𝚈𝚂 - 𝙴𝙼𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙰𝚂𝚂𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚂𝙴𝚇 𝙼𝙾𝙼𝙴𝙽𝚃𝚂

hehe, i’m back at it again with one of these long ass posts but this idea’s literally been in my head all day long so here you go !! obvious nsfw warning :)

tw: this whole post is just nsfw and embarrassing to read so read at your own risk >:)

𝙳𝙰𝙸𝙲𝙷𝙸 » during a super intense and loud session, his voice cracked as he asked you “does that feel goOD- good baby?” to this day, he still prays that you couldn’t hear him over the sound of your own moans

𝚂𝚄𝙶𝙰𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙰 » you were riding him and he went to slap your ass, but something went wrong either because you were riding too quickly or he was shaking too much, boy ended up slapping himself in the balls. you’ve never heard that boy scream that loud in your life

𝙰𝚂𝙰𝙷𝙸 » literally pulled out in the middle of sex to get up and rush to the corner of his room to flip around his childhood teddy bears. your just laying there with your tiddies and coochie out waiting for asahi to shield the eyes of mr. wiggles

𝚃𝙰𝙽𝙰𝙺𝙰 » you two were having pretty intense shower sex until tanaka did the number one thing your not supposed to do during shower sex; this muthafucker slipped while holding you. long story short, y’all were okay but just ended up having nasty shower floor sex??

𝙽𝙸𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙾𝚈𝙰 » this tiny ass 5′2 man was unconsciously humping your leg while you were both asleep?? his presumably pleasurable wet dream had turned into a sudden nightmare when you literally had to KICK him off you to stop the humping. bad nishinoya, bad!

𝙺𝙰𝙶𝙴𝚈𝙰𝙼𝙰 » came WAYYY too early inside you, but he was too embarrassed to say anything so he just... kept going. sadly, no one had warned kageyama of the intense effects of overstimulation. he was shaking and whimpering so badly behind you to the point where you had to ask him to pull out and bring him a glass of water to calm down

𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙰𝚃𝙰 » the first time you squirted on him, he just blatantly asked you these exact few words that left you feeling mortified: “did you just piss on me?” nuh uh hinata, this water fountain ain’t yours to drown in anymore >:(

𝚃𝚂𝚄𝙺𝙸𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙼𝙰 » kei was hitting it from the back pretty hard this time, so hard that you were suddenly... on an angle? suddenly, now you two were much closer to the floor than before. the bed ended up collapsing, yes literally collapsing due to kei’s powerful thrusts. worst part is, nobody got to finish since kei dragged you to ikea to grumpily buy a new bedframe. but hey, he bought you ikea meatballs; that shit hits so different

𝚈𝙰𝙼𝙰𝙶𝚄𝙲𝙷𝙸 » one super duper intense night, he passed out the SECOND he came. no matter how much you flicked the temple of his forehead, yamaguchi was dead asleep. you had to literally slap him awake to get him to clean up, you ain’t risking a ranky stanky UTI puthy in the morning

𝙾𝙸𝙺𝙰𝚆𝙰 » kept calling himself a sex machine during the act. i don’t know if it was due to the 6 tequila shots he had beforehand or just his inner ego revealing, whatever it was it was about to make your pussy close

𝙸𝚆𝙰𝚉𝚄𝙼𝙸 » this one time, he kept going in at a weird angle which caused you to repeatedly queef for 7 minutes straight. every time you told him to pull out and go in properly, he laughed and kept going in at that one weird angle!! was your embarrassment a turn on for him?? maybe!! but were you mortified? absolutely!!

𝙼𝙰𝚃𝚃𝚂𝚄𝙽 » i’m sorry to have to be the one to announce this, but this man had the worst case of full blown bush you’ve ever seen. like, he didn’t even try to manscape or anything at all. you ended up begging him to trim just a tiny bit because you weren’t gonna risk choking on a pube whilst your going down on him

𝙷𝙰𝙽𝙰𝙼𝙰𝙺𝙸 » rubbed your left labia thinking it was your clit. and he kept doing that. the whole. fucking. time. even when you subtly moved his fingers towards your clit, he just kept going back to the left lip.

𝙺𝚄𝙽𝙸𝙼𝙸 » had the most dry and dull dirty talk you’ve ever heard. like, it’s not even dirty talk at this point; it’s just clean talk. there’s no passion when he talks! he uses the same tone he would use for anyone else at any other moment. to paint the picture, imagine riding kunimi and he’s just there with a furrowed expression like “yup, that feels really good”

𝙺𝚈𝙾𝚃𝙰𝙽𝙸 » tried to pull one of those unexpected anal scenes that he saw from a porno, without telling you beforehand. life lesson here; if you party at shit's house, don't be surprised if shit's at the party

𝙺𝚄𝚁𝙾𝙾 » you two were looking to get a little more kinky in terms of BDSM, so kuroo watched like 30 tutorials on youtube on how to safely tie you up so you won’t fall or anything. this bitch ended up tying rope knots that were practically impossible to undo, which resulted in you hanging from the ceiling for approximately 2 hours pussy-ass naked while kuroo tried to cut you down with a kitchen knife

𝙺𝙴𝙽𝙼𝙰 » wanted to spice things up with some dirty talk, like the real nasty talk they use in pornos but not the normal pornos; the shitty company ones with horrific acting. he really ended up announcing that he was going to “fuck your fucking fanny off, you twat”

𝙻𝙴𝚅 » got super excited while he was opening the lube since he hadn’t gotten to fuck you in a WHILE, which resulted the lube leaked everywhere and a giant 6′5 man slipping and hitting his head on the bed frame. worst part is; he had to go to the ER with a hard on that refused to go away

𝙱𝙾𝙺𝚄𝚃𝙾 » speaking of boners that wouldn’t go away, let’s not forget that one time bokuto took two viagras when you texted him to come over for a special occasion. he horribly misinterpreted the ‘special occasion’ text, because he showed up to your house with a huge buldge in his pants as your parents stand before him holding anniversary cards, completely horrified

𝙰𝙺𝙰𝙰𝚂𝙷𝙸 » wanted to make valentines day sex as romantic as he could, so he did the classic lighting candles and giving roses. everything was beautiful, until he accidently knocked one of the bigger candles over during missionary. this not only caused a huge ass fire in your bedroom, but he came right as the fire began to spread. boy was debating on whether his orgasm was to die for or not

𝙺𝙾𝙽𝙾𝙷𝙰 » had a nose bleed when he was going down on you and you both were immediately horrified, you thinking it was your period and him thinking he just ate coochie blood. yet as you went to go clean up, you realized his face had much more blood on it than your coochie did. to this day, he still blames it on your period

𝚄𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙹𝙸𝙼𝙰 » threw you onto the bed and your head went through the wall. he didn’t even bother to ask you if you were okay, he just sighed and went “well, now i have to make a call to the construction guy. excuse me” and he left you and your concussed ass head sit there once again, pussy ass naked

𝚃𝙴𝙽𝙳𝙾𝚄 » during a blowjob, he held your head down right as he was coming causing the cum to shoot up your throat and somehow pour out of your nose. by the time he pulled out, he could barely breath from laughing at you. sure, the classic ‘milk shooting out of nose’ thing was funny at first until you got a sinus infection and had to breath out of your mouth for the next three days

𝚂𝙴𝙼𝙸 » always insists having sex in the most inconvenient places?? like he would pull you to side while grocery shopping and start grinding up against you as you pick which brand of cheese would be better??

𝙶𝙾𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙺𝙸 » he kept getting frustrated that his bangs were clouding his field of vision, so he irritably grabbed a hair tie and frantically tied up the sides of his bangs while he was fucking you. you immediately burst out laughing since he looked exactly like boo from monsters inc.

𝚃𝙴𝚁𝚄𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙼𝙰 » got so drunk that he ended up fucking the couch. like he was just there on top of you, and his dick was just sliding between the folds of the leather couch. you decided to let him finish like that

𝚂𝙰𝙺𝚄𝚂𝙰 » had a really bad reaction to one of the products he used while shaving and ended up getting super irritated down there so he kept having to pull out in-between thrusts to itch his crotch. to make things worse, you joking suggested that he looked like he had syphilis and he got so disgusted at the idea of that thought that he literally had to pull out and take a breather

𝙾𝚂𝙰𝙼𝚄 » drizzled ‘warm’ chocolate down your chest and was about to seductively lick it off until you screamed in pain and horror as the chocolate was literally burning your skin off. osamu panicked, obviously not knowing what to do if chocolate was burning his partners skin off so he just... frantically licked it off. you still had to go to the ER afterwards to get treated for mild burns

𝙰𝚂𝚃𝚄𝙼𝚄 » didn’t know what a hymen was until the first time he tried to have sex with you. no matter how much he tried to shove his schlong in, it really just wasn’t working + “yer puss is broken”

𝚂𝚄𝙽𝙰 » pinched your nipples so fucking hard to the point where you started crying. he thoughts these were tears of pleasure until you literally had to kick him off you. but hey, he gave you ice for your sore nipples and mcdonalds! what more could a girl possibly want :)

uh the end lol

also, this idea was inspired by the first haikyuu headcanon i ever read, “awkward sex moments” by @bbytetsu <3

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morganaspendragonss · 4 years ago

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never been one for goodbyes

In the aftermath, the 126 take comfort in each other.

a series of vignettes about the 126 trying to come to terms with the events of s2e2

i may or may not have cried while writing this. spoilers for lone star s2e2 to follow

ao3

Judd doesn’t sleep that night. He pretends to for a while, for Grace’s sake, but when he’s certain she’s asleep again he slips out of bed and moves on silent feet to the patio, making a pit stop in the kitchen for whiskey. His fingers shake as they wrap around the glass and he finds he can’t steady his breathing. It doesn’t help that the air outside is foul, volcanic ash and smoke mingling to clog up his throat, but Judd doesn’t care. He won’t be out here for long, just enough to clear his head before he goes back to bed so Grace won’t find out.

Clearly, though, he’s not as subtle as he thought, because soon enough there are footsteps approaching and hands rubbing gentle circles on his shoulders.

“Come back inside, sweetheart,” Grace says, dropping a kiss on the top of his head.

He shakes his head, swirling his drink. There’s ash in that too, but it doesn’t matter. He wasn’t drinking it anyway.

“Judd.” Grace sits next to him, taking his trembling hands in hers. She’s looking at him so softly, and it breaks Judd in two.

“I can’t,” he chokes out. “I saw it, Grace, I saw him get hit by that rock, and I just -”

He breaks off and looks away from her, scrubbing roughly at his eyes. Grace nods and squeezes his hands, like she knows what he’s thinking. Hell, she’s probably thinking about it too; Grace had been on the line that night.

Judd had never seen his brothers’ bodies, but he’d seen Tim’s - or what was left of it. And now… Now, he can’t help but imagine their faces transposed onto his, fire reflected in their glassy eyes just as it had been in Tim’s tonight. He feels guilty for it, because Tim was Tim, not his old crew, but he’s stuck back in that night again and his hands won’t stop fucking shaking.

“I can’t do this again, Gracie,” he sobs, curling in on himself to try and contain the hurt.

Grace’s arms come around him. “You’re not alone, Judd,” she murmurs. “Not now. Not ever.”

And Judd lets go, leaning into her chest and coming apart in her embrace.

He would have been content to stay out here until the sun came up, but Gwyn eventually insists upon him going back inside. He gives in fairly easily, truth be told; Owen is tired of fighting right now. She doesn’t try to coax him to bed, which he’s grateful for, but she does sit with him, a silent, stoic presence at his side.

“Where’s TK?” she asks after a while. “I didn’t notice him coming in with you.”

“He’s with Carlos, I think.”

“You think?” There’s a quiet note of panic in Gwyn’s voice, and Owen hates himself for causing it. Hates himself more for understanding it, maybe even sharing it a little. “Owen -”

“He’s fine,” he says. “Or, he’s not… He’s with Carlos. That’s what he said, and I believe him.”

Gwyn nods, lips pursed. “Okay.”

They lapse into silence again, Owen feeling the weariness and heavy, heavy grief settling deeper into his bones with each passing moment. He and Tim hadn’t even been that close, but Owen has a duty of care. Everybody who clocks in, clocks out. It’s one of his rules, a rule he’s broken very few times in his career.

The first time was 9/11, his entire firehouse wiped out save for him.

The second was when TK got shot, and Owen thought his world was imploding all over again.

Today was the third time, which makes it three times too many in Owen’s book. It can’t happen again. It won’t.

“Owen,” Gwyn says, and she’s looking at him with those wide, pleading eyes that Owen knows he can’t refuse. “Remember what I said earlier? Please don’t bottle this up.”

Owen swallows thickly. “I won’t,” he says, and he doesn’t know if it’s a lie.

TK doesn’t know how long they spend on the stairs, curled around one another. Long enough for his legs to start to cramp, and it’s only the thought that Carlos must be just as uncomfortable that finally persuades him to let go.

“You okay?” Carlos asks as he straightens out, the first words either of them have spoken since TK walked in.

TK hesitates, a ‘yes’ halfway to his lips, but the lie is bitter on his tongue and he knows he can’t fake it. Not with Carlos. So he simply shakes his head and looks down at the floor, focusing on nothing in particular.

He hasn’t cried yet; he doesn’t know if he will. It’s usually these kinds of nights when the pull to his addiction is strongest - nights like Alex leaving him and finding out about his dad’s cancer and sudden, pointless heartbreak - but he’s just...numb. He keeps playing the call on repeat in his head, from the initial panic to the shock at seeing Tim, and he doesn’t feel it.

He doesn’t feel a goddamn thing.

Carlos takes his hand and gently pulls him upright, offering himself as support. TK takes it, leaning heavily on Carlos as they shuffle to bed, the silence between them a comfort to him. His fingers fumble as he tries to strip off, and Carlos helps with that too, without TK even trying to ask him.

“Thank you,” he manages, his voice coming out hoarse and weak. In response, Carlos offers him a small smile, though it doesn’t reach his eyes, which are wide and expressive and horribly sad.

They fall asleep together as the sun begins to come up, TK’s head resting on Carlos’s chest and Carlos’s arms secure around him.

It feels safe. It feels like home.

Nancy’s been staring at her phone for the post half hour, her thumb hovering over the call button. She needs to do it, she knows this, if only out of basic human decency. But she’s not sure if she has it in her to say the words, not when she’s still expecting Tim to come walking down the hall and joke about her messing up his stuff.

None of this will be here in a week. Less, even. Captain Vega had promised to give her time, but Nancy doesn’t know if she has the strength to let go. They’d been a team, her and Tim, and Michelle before she left. Now it’s just Nancy, alone in the darkened firehouse, listening to the replacement crew go about their shift as if nothing had happened.

On impulse, and a sudden need to get it over with, Nancy presses call. It rings a few times, Nancy realising that it’s the early hours of the morning and she might not pick up, but then there’s a familiar voice coming down the line.

“Nancy?” Michelle says, her voice heavy with sleep. “Everything okay?”

“Michelle,” Nancy gets out, then stops, the lump in her throat choking her at the prospect of telling Michelle that Tim… That he’s gone.

“Hey, hey, what’s going on?” Michelle sounds more awake now, concern bleeding into her tone. “I saw the volcano on the news; you’re all okay, right?”

Nancy doesn’t respond straight away, and clearly it’s enough to tell Michelle all she needs to know. “Who?” she asks.

“I… It happened so fast. I didn’t even realise at first.” Nancy sobs. “He’s just… He’s gone, Michelle.”

“Who, Nancy?” There’s a sharp intake of breath on the other end. “Not… God, Nancy, don’t tell me it’s Tim.”

Nancy can only choke out an affirmative before another sob crawls its way up her throat, and suddenly she’s sliding off the bench onto the cold floor. Michelle’s crying too, she can hear it faintly down the line, and it’s a small comfort to know she’s not totally alone in this.

Mateo doesn’t bother to change before speeding out of the firehouse, letting his legs carry him wherever. He can’t shake the feeling of guilt from his body, like if he’d just tried harder, been faster, done more, he could have stopped it.

Maybe if he’d helped Tim evacuate his patient. Because, really, Tim shouldn’t have even still been there by that pool. Someone should have helped him. Mateo should have helped him.

He’d heard what the others said. It was nobody’s fault, it was a freak accident, he shouldn’t blame himself… Thing is, Mateo can tell they don’t believe it either. He can see they all feel just as guilty as he does.

Still. Mateo knows it’s not their fault. He just wishes he could believe the same about himself. They’re not the ones who have to prove themselves, after all, but he’s still the probie. Still the one who’s out on his ear if he fucks up - like letting a team member get killed on call.

His feet come to rest outside the church, his breath coming in harsh pants and his whole body aching after running for however long. The sun is well and truly up, so it must have been a while.

He hasn’t been to church in a while, but there’s nothing like a guilty conscience to convince a man to go back. Is it selfish, this desire for redemption?

Does he deserve it?

Paul holds her until her tears have dried up and she’s almost collapsing on him, exhausted to her very soul. He holds her after, too, sitting on the gym’s floor with her as she stares blankly into space.

“You can go home, if you want,” Marjan eventually manages, pulling away to wipe at her eyes. “I’ll be okay.”

“I’m good here,” Paul says.

Marjan looks at him then - properly looks at him. She’s not as good at reading people as Paul is, but she’d been a fool to not see how much he, too, is hurting. It makes her feel guilty for forcing him to be there for her, when he’d lost Tim just as much as she did.

“Are you okay?” she asks. Which is a stupid question, because are any of them okay? But it’s also the only question left to them; it’s a reassurance and a comfort and an answer wrapped together.

Paul smiles fleetingly. “No. You?”

“About the same.”

Paul nods and Marjan leans into him, not caring that they’re both sweaty and grimy. They sit in silence for a long while, until the sun is high in the sky and then some, taking comfort in the presence of someone else next to them.

And, carefully, they hold each other together.

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inquisitive-mess · 4 years ago

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A Slice of Happiness Part 1

Including Jane Paker @altairtalisman and mention of Amalia of Cleves @pandora-dusk

T/W: Mild Language

It was an early evening when Ann and Jane were standing in front of an upscale italian restaurant near West End of London. Ann was telling Jane that one of her customers told her about this place and how supposedly they had really good food. She also told her that she been wanted to check it out, but didn't want to go alone, because she doesn't like the feeling having people staring at her as she ate alone and was little scare on coming since it was close to the theatre. Jane already knew Ann situation understood that and took her on the offer, if she was willing to pay saying this in a joking matter, which Ann accepted it. Jane explain to her that she was kidding and said she would done it without her doing that, but Ann told Jane that she was the one who invited her and was going to pay for it to begin with. Jane soon admit defend and let her pay for it. They soon walk inside the building and enjoy their meal.

Once they were done with their meal, Jane said " At least your customer was right about the food. It was great and I really enjoyed it. Thanks for the invite." Ann replied back " It was nothing. I'm glad you like it. Maybe you can take Mali here one of these days for a date." This made Jane blush a little as she thought about them having a date here and how Mali would enjoy it. Jane smiled and said " I think I will, once we find the time to do so. " Ann then told Jane " I will give you guys money to pay for it. It's the least I do for ruining your guys date." Jane protested and explained to Ann " Ann, we talk about this. I don't blame you for what happen back then. The others think the same thing too. It was an accident and it could of happen to anyone. Plus you manage to calm yourself down once we were in the car for good amount of time and the others still enjoy their date in the end. Stop beating yourself up for it." Ann would like to believe Jane that it was alright, but she still feel awful on what happen. She thought she could handle it since she was with friends, but it just bought back bad memories of her past and how she vulnerable she still was.

The waiter soon came by and handed them the check folder. Ann took the check, look at cost on the bill inside it, pull out some cash of her jacket pocket, and put inside the check folder as they wait for waiter to come back. Jane still gets little amazed whenever she see Ann pulls out a stack of bills and how she treats it like this was normal. She remembered when she found out how well off Ann was when they went clothes shopping and Ann didn't seem to care how much it cost when the total came up. Ann did explain the reason why to Jane on the way home and Jane learn somethings about Ann and her way of thinking. Jane, in some way, admire Ann on how she hasn't fallen into temptation and lose herself, unlike other people who lose themselves into corruption or greed due to how much money they have. The waiter did come back to pick up the folder on the table and head to a register to pay out the bill.

As they were waiting, they heard a fellow patron yelling at table behind them " What do you mean it can't take my card? I told you that I have the funds to pay for it, what is it you can't understand?" Both Ann and Jane slowly turn their head just enough to see what was going on. They see an frustrated older man raising his voice at a scared young waitress. She try to stay calm and explain to the man in nervous tone " As I said earlier, we can't accept your card because out card machine is down and only taking cash. We have it posted as soon as you walk in and the hosts told you this also." The man looking more annoyed and told the waitress " How is that my problem? I only have cards with me. Who carries cash with them, anyway? You either going to accept my card or my meal will be free." Ann and Jane slowly moved their head back to their table and cringe at the scene of rudeness and entitlement. It's true they use to be nobility in their past life, but they can't ever recall being straight up jerks to people, even to least fortunate. Jane doesn't really encounter this much, but Ann does due to her job. Ann would see this at her shop once in a while and would of shut them down as soon as it happens. She would said something by now, but she didn't want to get involved and want to leave, so she and Jane can go home. Their waiter soon came back and hand them the check folder to show their bill was paid. Ann took the receipt and change, but left a few bills in the folder to give as a tip, put in her pocket, and they both got up from the table.

As this was happening, the manger of the restaurant came to older man table and ask him " Hello there, what seems to be the problem?" The man replied " Yes, there is. As I was telling your useless employee, I don't have cash with me and only have cards to pay for my bill, but she not take my payment. Something about the machine being down, which by the way is very inconvenient. So I told her that you guys either accept my card or walking out of here with a free meal." The manger listen to the man complain and wait until he was done talking to answer him " What my employee said is correct. Our card machine is down, which we are sorry for. We did post signs in front of the doors and inform the host about this to tell our customer about it. I'm sorry about the inconvenience, but as we stand now we only taking cash. If you are so adamant on using your card, I would be gladly take it, make paper copy of it, and manually type it into the system, so you do get charged." This cause the man to get really upset and cause him to stand up pushing the chair back to yell at the manager "Like hell I'm going to let you do that without me watching you guys put it in. I know for a fact you using this sad excuse to steal my card information, so you can charge me whatever amount. Nice try though. I'm going to take my stuff and leave here with a free meal."

Unknown to the older man that when he push the chair back, he cause a younger waiter carrying a dessert trip on the leg of the chair and send it flying to air, which end up hitting the side of Ann's face. Jane was in complete shock when she saw this and Ann just stand there as the plate fall on the floor. Ann pick up the plate and place it on the table, then she grab whatever dessert on her face with a napkin leaving some still on her and putting on the plate. She turn head to look at the young waiter on the ground with apologize look on his face expecting him to get yell at, but she knew it wasn't his fault this happen. She turn her head to the older man who was ready to leave and when she yell in angry tone " Hey asshole." This cause the man stop and everyone in the restaurant to look at them. Ann walk to the the man and continued "You think it okay to just assaulted someone and leave here without paying. What is wrong with you?" The man was took back this, but responded to Ann " What in the hell are you talking about? I didn't do a damn thing to you. You should be take this up with the dumb waiter who threw food at you." Ann was getting more irritated by this man and said " Well, maybe if you didn't decide to push your chair back while you were having a tantrum about not giving them your card to pay, he wouldn't have trip and fall, which cause this to happen." The man then spoke "Do you not know...." Ann interrupt him " I don't give a damn who the hell you are. All I see is that you're a entitled jerk who here trying to get free food because you didn't read the clearly mark sign on the doors or listen to the host when they told you this as you sat down and now you're blaming people due to it. Well, here some news for you, nobody here think you are in the right to treat the staff like this, especially since this was your fault. Now you have two choices, you either going to hand the manger your card to pay for your meal or I'm going to call the authorities and let you be charge with theft and assault. It's your choice." The man grumble, pull out his card, and gave to the manger. The manger then grab old credit card imprinter, made a paper copy in front of the man, gave the card back, and went to the back to type it into the system. While waiting, Jane help the young waiter off the floor, ask them if he okay, and walk next to Ann. She hasn't seen Ann this upset before and wonder what going to happen next. The manger soon came back, hand the receipt and the paper copy to the older man, he put in his pocket, and left the restaurant with angry look on this face.

Once the man left, Ann turn to the manger and waitress and said in a sincere voice" I'm sorry for disturbing your restaurant and ruining the experience for your customers. I take full responsibility for it and accept the punishment for it, but please don't hold my friend accountable. She just a innocent person in this and didn't know about I plan." Jane felt like Ann shouldn't get in trouble for what happen and was ready to defend her, but the manger spoke in a calm tone" In any normal circumstances I would of kick you out and ban you on coming back, but seeing as he started this, insulted my staff, and did unintentionally attack you. I could let this slide, but I don't want you do something like that again here. Do I make myself clear?" Both Jane and Ann nodded and said " Yes" The manger then told Ann "Also I like to say thank you for standing up for my staff. I know people sometimes don't appreciate them, but it's nice to see when people do care about them." The manger did ask the waitress if she okay and she smiled showing them she was okay. The manger soon said as the restaurant went back to normal " If you excuse me, I will take my left. I would like to say I'm sorry you got caught in this mess and got dirty from it. I would of comp your meal in some way, but see that you guys were on your way out. There really not much I do, but I can give this card and when you guys do come again, just show your waiter this and I will personally reduce the prices on your meals, how does that sound?" Ann would normally not accept this, since it goes against what she was taught, but she decided to accept it, the manger gave her the card, and when on their way to check on the staff involved. Jane and Ann soon left the restaurant and went on their way home.

As Ann was walking with Jane to her apartment, Ann try to hand Jane the card and said " Here. You can take Mali to the place next time you guys have a chance. " Jane try to protect, but Ann explained " Look Jane, I know you told me not worry about what happen on your date, but it still bothers me that I kind of ruin it. So please accept this? It would show at least I try." Jane couldn't resist Ann pled since she know Ann wasn't going to drop it, so she took the card and put in her pocket as they continue walk. They soon got to Jane's place and ready to say their goodbye when Jane ask " Hey Ann, you could come inside and wash off the remain food crumbs still on you?" Ann shook her head and said " Thanks for the offer, but I need to go home, so I can wash my hair out completely to remove whatever that food was and wash my jacket as well, especially since it has a strong smell to alcohol to it. I wonder what was that dessert anyway?" Jane walk up to Ann, stick one of fingers out to wipe off one of the food crumbs on Ann's jacket, took a sniff of it, and recognized the smell. Jane then answer her as she clean her finger with a cloth" If I took guess by the smell and what it look like in the restaurant, I would say it was tiramisu." Ann looked confused and Jane then remembered that Ann wasn't familiar with sweets. Jane explained " Sorry, I forgot you not a sweet person. It's an Italian dessert where it has ladyfingers dipped in coffee that layer with whipped mascarpone cheese, egg, sugar, and had powder cocoa. Sometimes they put liquor in it for a extra kick. Mali and I had try some before. It was really good. I think you may like it, since it isn't that sweet." Ann listen to Jane and though of maybe trying it out. Ann nodded and said " Well, I better get going. See you later then." They soon part ways and Ann head home to get herself clean up from tonight mess and get ready for work tomorrow.

#six #sixtended verse #Ann Parr #Jane Paker #didn't think it would be this long so I dividend into parts #start with an simple idea and turn into something different #Six OC

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 5 years ago

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Won’t You Stay (Part 15)

Summary: After the accident, the reader learns a secret of Jensen’s and the two start moving into the next phase of their relationship...

Masterlist

Square: Against The Wall

Pairing: Jensen x Director!reader

Word Count: 3,300ish

Warnings: mature (language, post domestic abuse, body image issues, smut (protected sex, wall sex, shower sex, hand job))

A/N: Please enjoy! Also written for @spnkinkbingo

_____

Sunday Night

“Everybody make it home alright?” asked Jensen the next night when you stopped over his apartment. You hummed and went straight for his fridge, finding a beer and cracking it open. You drank half of it down before you went to his couch and lay down on it, staring up at the ceiling.

“Did you see yourself on the news? You’re apparently a badass,” you said.

“My mom wasn’t too thrilled,” he said as he sat down in the chair, kicking his feet up on his coffee table. “She was very proud though.”

“She know we’re dating?” you asked.

“Yeah. She was surprised,” he said. “I haven’t dated for a while.”

You sat up and passed over the can of beer, Jensen taking a long drink, setting the empty can down on the coffee table. He rested his elbow against the chair arm and rested his head in it, looking over at you.

“My old girlfriend made a lot of comments about my body, like I said before. What I didn’t know was that for a while, she was putting diet pills in my coffee in the morning.”

You scrunched up your face and he nodded.

“I felt like shit. I was concerned. I thought something was seriously wrong and she never told me. I had tests done and the doctors couldn’t figure out what was making me lose weight. I lost a movie role because I got too small. I was miserable, except for her. She’d made me entirely reliant on her without me ever realizing. Then one night when my stomach was killing me, I looked for some pain medicine. I looked in her purse when there was none in the kitchen and that’s when I found the pills. I blew up on her and she did the interview right after and threatened me if I thought about leaving. Well, I dumped her ass and got the hell out of there.”

“I don’t understand some people,” you said as you held out your hands. Jensen stared and you opened your palms up, squeezing them shut a few times. He stood and walked over, letting you pull him down to the couch and into your lap. “You are perfect. That was so dangerous of her to do. Are you okay now?”

“Yeah. It took a bit but my system got back on track eventually,” he said. He was quiet as he sat back against your chest, your legs resting over top of his, Jensen nuzzling his head under your chin. “Don’t tell anyone, please.”

“I won’t,” you said.

“I know.”

You kissed the top of his head, Jensen finding your injured hand and holding it up.

“I hope you wanted all of this buzz. The Dark Woods is the most anticipated movie of the year now,” said Jensen.

“Strangely I don’t think the pressure will be that bad. What more can get thrown at us?” you said.

“I’d like some peace and quiet,” he hummed as he shut his eyes.

“Call it an early night?” you asked. “I’ll even big spoon ya.”

“I am big spoon, little missy,” he said despite burrowing more into you.

“Jay.”

“On occasion you can big spoon,” he said. “...Like tonight.”

“That’s my adorable boy,” you said.

“I’ve never been a proper little spoon actually,” he said.

“Oh, that changes tonight, Ackles. Get that cute tush up and let’s hit the hay. We’ve earned it.”

“This is kinda fun,” you giggled a few days later, flipping around in your harness a few feet off the ground.

“Our fearless leader,” said AJ, Jensen doing his own spins close by. “So your dad says he’s good for the stunt. Medical technically cleared him but ultimately it’s your call.”

“Dad,” you said, hanging upside down. He lifted his head up from his script and you waved him out of his chair and over to you. “I hear you want to do the stunt today.”

“Medical cleared me,” he said.

“I heard. You also have a concussion and your arm is still healing,” you said.

“It’s one drop on a wire,” he said.

“And say one in a million worst case scenario, you’re up in the air, something breaks and you fall. What then?” you asked. He sighed and threw his head back.

“Alright. I won’t do it,” he said.

“Jensen came up with a way for you to still do the stunt. Safely,” you said. Your dad tilted his head and you smiled. “Did...did we figure out something about this business you don’t know about? Oh, that’s awesome.”

“I’d be interested to hear what it is,” he said.

“So Jay and I can do the stunt like normal but for you, you’re gonna lie up on a platform with a camera below you and the camera is going to pull back,” you said.

“To make it look like you’re falling,” said Jensen. “Cut it with the other shots and nobody ever knows the difference.”

“Huh. That might just work. What gave you that idea?” he asked.

“We were playing with Jensen’s camera last night being stupid and it fell off the counter and we thought maybe that would work,” you said. “Jensen would like to try directing someday even.”

“Little power couple you two are turning out to be,” he said.

“Mark said we could pull it off,” you said. “You okay with that?”

“Yeah, I’m okay with it,” he smiled. “You’re in charge, boss.”

He went back to his chair and his script, Jensen righting himself.

“That went better than you were expecting,” he said.

“He gave in because I asked,” you said.

“He’ll be better by the time more stunt stuff pops up,” he said.

“Remind me to write less physical stuff for Hale in the third book,” you said.

“There’s gonna be a third book?” he said. “Yes!”

“I have an idea for how it all wraps up. Nothing is written yet,” you said.

“Can I read your drafts? Please? Pretty please?” he asked, bouncing up and down in his harness. “Please?”

“Perhaps,” you teased. “Maybe I’ll even tell you about Damian.”

“Who is Damian? Do not tease me like this woman,” he said as you started to laugh. “Y/N! That’s not fair.”

“Alright fanboy, once I get writing you can have a sneak peek,” you said.

“Awesome,” he said, doing a fist pump.

“We ready to roll yet?” you called.

“Five minutes and then it’s all yours,” said someone else.

“While you two are up there, I might as well use the opportunity,” said your dad from his chair. He smirked and pulled out his phone.

“No, no,” you said. “Dad! No! No embarrassing pictures!”

“Dad yes,” he laughed to himself, taking a few pictures. “Those will go nice on Instagram.”

“Next time I’m leaving you in the burning car!” you said. “I swear I’ll do it.”

“Oh wait, one more,” he said, spinning around to get a selfie with the three of you in it. “That’s the one.”

“Jensen, please tell me you have a normal father,” you said.

“I have a horrible feeling our dad’s would get along very, very well,” he said.

“I look forward to meeting my partner in crime,” said your dad.

“Oh. Lovely,” you said.

“We will delay the torture as much as possible, I promise,” said Jensen.

“We’ll see about that kid,” said your dad.

“Go sit down, you’re supposed to rest,” you said.

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, plopping back down. You felt yourself get pulled up and some crew walk over.

“Alright. I think we’re ready to start again.”

Two Weeks Later

“Oh my God. I am so happy to be home,” you said, shutting the door to find the apartment smelling like fresh cookies that night. “If you made me dessert, I am having sex with you tonight, even if I am exhausted.”

“I could very easily do all the work,” said Jensen, smiling as he stepped out of the kitchen, looking you up and down.

“Double fudgy chocolate chip,” you said, smirking as you saw the cookies on a plate. “That looks-”

Jensen grabbed your hips and walked you back against the wall, devouring you in a hungry kiss.

“Someone got horny in the four hours we haven’t seen each other,” you giggled.

“What can I say, I missed you,” he teased, working on getting your jeans off already. “And I may have found your super super super secret Lyle folder on your computer.”

“Oh no,” you said, immediately covering your face, Jensen chuckling as he pulled your pants down along with your underwear.

“You did give me access to your Lyle drive. I am so very happy I got access to your Lyle drive,” he said. He broke off for a minute before suddenly he grabbed your hips and pushed you up the wall. You yelped and threw your arms around the back of his shoulders, a condom over his now exposed cock. “The one about Lyle fucking Molly when she got home was too good to pass up.”

“Fuck, Jensen,” you said as he slid inside of you, your legs wrapping around his back. “You don’t do this.”

“I think we ought to start,” he said, kissing your neck and delivering a quick thrust that sucked the air out of your lungs.

“Why are you so good at everything?” you breathed out, getting lost in a kiss from him.

“Because screwing you is too much fun,” he said, smiling as he picked up speed and you pushed further up the wall. You held on tight, Jensen a bit rougher than you were used to from him but you did not mind at all.

“I feel a slight problem coming on,” you grunted, Jensen panting against your skin. “I don’t think you’re gonna be able to hold me up long enough to get me off.”

“Oh you shouldn’t have said that,” smirked Jensen. He pulled back and let you fall down the wall some before he thrust in again, a gasp falling from your lips. He did it again and you felt a slightly different pressure build in your core.

“Fuck,” you said, throwing your head back against the wall but not even caring.

“You can do it on your own,” he said, hands digging bruises into your thighs. “Come on, Y/N. Let loose.”

“I can’t,” you said, dropping your head on his shoulder, catching him slide in and out of you. “I can’t do it just that way.”

“Yes you can. Trust me. Don’t hold on so tight with those legs and let that gorgeous ass slide down. I won’t let you fall,” he said.

You hummed and eased the tension in your legs some, your body dropping down slightly as he thrust inside, hitting what you determined had to be your g-spot.

“Fucking shit,” you said, Jensen doing it again and again, your head spinning. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

You came without warning, a deep wave of pleasure settling through you that kept going, Jensen groaning as you felt him throb and eventually slow his thrusts.

“Fuck is right,” he said, shakily bringing you down to the floor before he lay back, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. “Give a man some warning before you try to kill him.”

“Sorry. Never...came from just that before,” you said, rolling off of him.

“Awesome,” he said. “Just needed the right angle for it.”

“Feel free to greet me that way anytime you feel like it,” you said.

“I will,” he said. He sat up and stroked your cheek softly before he got up, discarding the condom in the trash. “Shower?”

“Sure,” you said, staring up at him. He scooped you up in his arms, humming as he carried you into the bathroom. He set you down and you peeled off your shirt and bra, stepping under the shower head while he washed up at the sink.

“You didn’t eat yet, did you?” he asked.

“No. Not since lunch,” you said, putting a hand on your stomach when it grumbled.

“I made tacos out of leftovers from lunch today,” he said. “Want me to make some up for you?”

“Yeah. Thank you,” you said, tilting your head back. “Where’d you get the leftovers from? You ate all your lunch.”

“I went back for another serving. They stuck it in a tupperware container for me. Your dad mentioned it to me. He said there’s always leftovers. It makes for an easy dinner after a long day.”

“Oh yeah,” you said, smiling to yourself. “He used to do that a lot when I was little.”

“He asked on my way out today if we were living together,” he said. You turned around and looked at him through the steamy shower door.

“What’d you say?”

“Not much. I mean, it’s not every night we stay over each other’s places,” he said.

“True,” you said, spinning around, running some soap over your body. The door opened behind you and you looked over your shoulder, Jensen opening his mouth. “We haven’t been together that long. Barely a month and a half.”

“Yeah,” he said. “That’s what I said.”

“It would be irresponsible,” you said, turning around, Jensen swallowing as he looked you up and down. “It’s way too fast. Especially considering both of our pasts.”

“I completely agree,” he said.

“Good. We’re on the same page,” you said. He stared at you and you grabbed his shirt as he took a step forward into the shower. He kissed you roughly, walking the two of you under the water as you worked on getting his now soaked shirt off.

“Totally same page,” he said, ripping his shirt off his head. Green eyes and creamy skin greeted you as you kissed his jaw, pushing him back against the wall. “Or we could say fuck it and move in together.”

“I’m all for fucking it,” you said, reaching down and wrapping your fingers around his cock.

“Y/N, too soon,” he said.

“You can do it,” you said, winking at him as you stroked him slowly.

“My lease is up next month,” he breathed out, giving small thrusts of his hips into your hand. “If you’re serious.”

“When’s the last time you were even at your apartment?” you asked, brushing your lips over his scruff, Jensen shutting his eyes.

“A week ago,” he said. “I don’t want to ruin this.”

“Me either,” you said.

“Think we will?”

“Not really,” you said.

“What makes you say that?”

“Two months ago I was pretending to be happy. Now I am,” you said. He grinned and you made your fist tighter, Jensen rocking and back forth into it.

“Let’s do it,” he said.

“You sure?” you asked.

“I’m sure,” he said.

“Good,” you said. You smirked and jerked your hand around him, sucking at his neck as he came. He grunted and you moved away slowly. “My shower is bigger than yours after all.”

“I uh, I’m gonna heat up your dinner,” he said, taking a few shaky steps out the door. “Once my legs work again.”

“Take your time,” you said. “I have to wash up again anyways.”

Ten minutes later you stepped out of the bedroom in a pair of shorts and pajama shirt, Jensen scraping some meat and veggies from a pan into a tortilla shell. He slid the plate over to you and you started to eat, closing your eyes halfway through. You opened them when he put a glass down for you. You watched him clean up the pan and leave it in the sink to soak, smiling as he put some of the cooled off cookies in a container for later.

“Thanks for making me dinner,” you said, rubbing your eye as you finished up.

“It’s no problem. You’re exhausted by the end of the day,” he said, ruffling your hair as he took your plate away and set two cookies on a napkin in front of you.

“Still. You are too,” you said, taking a bite and popping the rest in your mouth.

“Yeah but I get breaks during the day and all I have to worry about is acting. You have to do my job and yours,” he said.

“I am so never acting again after this,” you said, eating the other one and wiping off your hands.

“I’m sure you’ll do some. At least Molly,” he said.

“If the movie doesn’t flop that is. You know how books turned into movies can go,” you said.

“Yeah but how often does the author get to do the screenplay conversion and direct? It’ll do very well. Your dad’s movies never flop,” he said.

“I suppose you have a point,” you said. “The trailer is going to need to be good.”

“You have to be months away from a trailer,” he said.

“I have a first trailer due out in two weeks,” you said. “We won’t even be done filming by then.”

“Do you get to pick what goes in that?” he asked as he checked the front door was locked, wandering back into the kitchen.

“Yeah. I have to be careful. I am so not doing one of those trailers that gives the movie away but I know the studio will push to put some of the bigger scenes in it,” you said.

“Do some of your wide location shots. Those ones you have of the forest are very pretty but still creepy in a way. Do some of those, throw in some questionable Hale and some of Lyle looking over his shoulder nervous. I’d go see that,” he said.

“...That’s not half bad,” you said. “You want to come in with me next Saturday to work it with the editor?”

“Me?”

“Yeah. You have a mind for directing,” you said. “You don’t have to. I’ll be busy most of the day with that is all.”

“I’d actually really like to. I’m interested in the behind the camera stuff,” he said.

“Sounds good then,” you said. He smiled and leaned over the counter, smirking at you as you yawned. “What time is it?”

“Almost one in the morning,” he said.

“Let’s make a deal. As soon as filming is done, we take a week off and sleep,” you said. He laughed as you climbed off the stool. He threw an arm around your back and walked you into the bedroom, flipping off the light as you plopped down on top of the covers.

“Under the covers, silly girl,” he said. You were already half asleep though, Jensen pulling you up and moving you around before he was tucking you in. “Sleep tight, Y/N.”

“You too, Jens.”

____

A/N: Read Part 16 here!

#spnkinkbingo #supernatural #spn #jensen x reader #jensen ackles #supernatural series #supernatural reader insert #jensen ackles x reader #spn reader insert #jensen reader insert #jensen x #jensen ackles x you

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jasonrae117 · 4 years ago

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Night at the Wayne Casino

PART 6

Here we are, Part 6! Sorry this doesn't have much in the damirae department, but there will be more! I also wanted to see if anyone would be interested in a sort of behind the scenes chapter of the more mature stuff (what happened in Damian's suite) etc. that happens throughout. I'd post it on my ao3 account for those that want to read something ~saucy~ like that. Let me know! 💙💜💚

Damian had dressed himself and wanted to drown himself in his work. His mind was pulled in every direction and he was utterly conflicted. He had stared blankly out the window for an hour trying to process everything that had happened since the party and where it had all gone so wrong. Of course he knew it was his fault that his plan backfired. He had slipped and slept with the demon he was trying to expose.

It was strange, he felt less motivated to bring her down, and the thoughts that occupied his mind when he recalled their… encounter, were about how badly he wanted to fix things, not about figuring out her next move as it should have been.

He had forgone his morning workout, seeing as though he and Raven took care of that some hours before and he had slept in late. He figured he may as well head in early to work because he desperately wanted the distraction.

He was almost in the clear to the security office when a large figure accompanied by a smiling face intercepted him.

“Jon, now is not the time.” Damian tried to brush past him, but Jon was quick and kept his pace and swung an arm around his shoulders.

“There’s always time for your best friend, especially when you need to tell him all the details from last night.” He waggled his eyebrows in a suggestive manner and Damian scoffed at him.

“Grow up Kent. I don’t have to tell you anything. It wasn’t official business, therefore I have no need to brief you on what happened. Not that anything did.” He was quick to throw in the last part to avoid any misunderstandings of his words.

“Aw, c’mon Dami, this isn’t work. I wanna know as one of the guys, as your best friend. That’s got to give me some clearance to what’s going on in there.” Jon used the arm around his shoulders to pull him down and ruffle his hair.

Damian grunted and forced himself out of Jon’s grip. He straightened his collar and ran a hand through his now unkempt hair. “Being an asshole won’t get you anything. Besides there’s nothing to tell. I observed her and besides countless men hitting on her, there unfortunately wasn’t anything suspicious. Now would you leave me alone.”

“And how exactly would you know that I’m lying?” Damian had stopped his movements and his voice was low. almost threateningly so.

“Damian,” he whined. “You can trust me. I know when you’re lying… well sorta, but the point is I know you’re not telling the truth.” He crossed his arm over his chest and looked down at him.

A nervous laughter escaped Jon and he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “Well...you see I kinda sorta was monitoring people coming and going from the elevator on that floor. It was a slow night and Dick had everything under control.”

“What exactly do you think you saw?”

“I saw you show up and a few hours later I spotted Raven. Then I saw you both enter the elevator together and uh...get close. Then you both left pretty excitedly, and well...one can only assume.” He trailed off.

“Well your assumption is incorrect.” Damian growled out. Internally Damian was panicking, he didn’t want to lie to Jon, but it was his only chance to get out of this mess unscathed.

“Damian,” Jon almost sounded disappointed, “I tried to give you the chance to tell me on your own but you’ve given me no choice.”

“What are you-”

“Raven told me everything. Well everything from her perspective. And I gotta admit bud, you don’t look too good.” Jon shrugged dismissively and began to walk away. Damian, however, was stunned. She had gone to his best friend to get her story in first so it would be harder to prove ill intentions, that sneaky witch.

“Whatever she said is probably a lie. Some fantastical story she made up to make me look bad.”

“As much as I want to believe you, and truly I do...I can’t help but feel that her story sounded fairly accurate. Given how well I know you.”

“What the hell does that mean? Tell me what she told you!”

“I have no obligation to brief you on what she said, best friend or not.” Great Jon was being cheeky. What the hell was with people finding a way to use his own words against him?

“Jon, you tell me now or so help me.” Damian snatched his by the front of his shirt, not caring that it would leave it a wrinkly mess.

“Fine, fine, relax. We’ll talk in the security office.” Jon frowned at his wrinkled shirt but reluctantly followed Damian to their shared office.

This one was slightly different from the room Tim used. It had two desks each with a state of the art computer that also had access to the security camera feed. Behind each desk were large cabinets of files from all cases they’ve had throughout the years. Tim’s had more of the recent and ongoing hardcopies, but they were shared electronically, this office was more of an archive section. It also doubled as a semi-interrogation room.

Damian took his seat behind the desk and folded his hands together as if preparing to listen to a business report. Jon on the other hand was pacing until he settled for leaning against his own desk. Damian looked at him expectantly and stayed silent waiting for Jon to begin.

“So..uh, Raven said that she showed up to the party late because she was trying to get ready but was interrupted by her boss. When she got there, all sorts of guys were approaching her which was starting to get on her nerves until you popped up.” Damian leaned forward gaining interest. “She was surprised to see you there and not on duty. She mentioned that you were handsome and charming by the way.” A heat rose to his ears. “Then she said after a drink and some flirting you invited her back to your suite. She was pretty excited when she was telling me this. She told me that she thought you were hot when she ran into you that first night...so uh there’s that. Now where was I?”

“Raven was excited that I invited her to my suite.” Saying it outloud made it too real and his blush deepened as he cleared his throat. He held a hand up gesturing for Jon to continue.

“Get on with it Kent.” This was absolutely humiliating, having their night together thrown back in his face by his friend.

“Oh right, well then she said you made the first move, kissing her and adamantly trying to remove her clothes. Apparently you ripped her dress?” Damian glanced away and tugged at his collar. He remembered being so impatient with the material, he wasn’t sure how to properly take it off, he just knew it needed to come off. “So that’s a yes. Anyway, then after hours of screwing her, of which I must commend you, she said you were quite formidable and were very attentive, you both were tuckered out and fell asleep. She said she asked if you wanted her to go, but you ignored her and cuddled...Who knew Damian Wayne cuddled?”

“Geez alright. Well then she gets up in the morning to take a shower and clean up and when she comes out you are right outside the door completely shocked. At first she thought you had been drunk and forgot what had happened but it turns out that you were aware and had completely dismissed what had happened between you two.”

“I wouldn’t say I dismissed it-”

“You said it was a misstep.”

“I-”

“Did you not?”

“I mean I did, but I was being honest!” Damian rose to his feet.

“You weren’t being honest, you were being an asshole. Then you get mad at her for using your computer! Like what the actual hell?”

“She wasn’t supposed to use it, and now she had access to the security footage and who knows what she did with that access.” His eyes went wide as he took in Jon’s face. Jon’s eyebrows were furrowed and his head tilted while he was processing what Damian had just revealed. I guess she didn’t tell him why I was pissed that she used my computer. He had just told Jon on his own.

“Why do you have the feed transmitting to your personal computer?” Jon pushed off against the desk and was now standing, only a desk separating the two.

“I like to know what’s going on around the casino.” He shrugged.

“Damian, this is serious. That is totally not acceptable. It certainly isn’t protocol, and it breaks at least a dozen policies. Do you think I can’t do my job well enough without you?”

“Jon, it isn't about that. I just like doing my job. My computer software is encrypted so nobody can access it or see it unless I want them to.”

“Nobody except Raven.”

“That was an accident. I didn’t lock the program. It won’t happen again.”

“Damian, it shouldn’t have happened at all! You’re supposed to be the leader. You sure as hell have given the rest of us enough lectures about what’s acceptable and what’s not. And then you have been doing this the whole time? Do I even want to know what other shit you might be doing off the clock?”

“It’s none of your concern.”

“You need help Damian, that or a stable relationship.”

“Would you stop!”

“You need to make this right.”

“I can’t get rid of the software Jon. You’ll never know how helpful it has been in keeping this casino safe.”

“Yeah, but it’s not right. Think about if it got out! Huh? We could be in so much trouble and in lawsuits up to our eyeballs.”

Damian hadn’t thought too much on the matter, he always assumed he would never be caught. The failures kept piling on.

“And that’s not the only thing I’m talking about fixing.” Jon sighed. Damian just shot him a quizzical look. “I’m talking about Raven. It’s clear you’re attracted to her and she is to you. You’re letting your stupid overanalytical brain mess up something potentially good for you.”

“She’s not ‘good’ for me, I hardly know her.”

“You seem to have gotten to know her fairly well last night.” Damian glared at him. “In any case, you can’t leave it like this. You were wrong about her and treated her like an ass. You need to apologize.”

“She’ll be gone in two days, what do I care how she feels about me or if she’s upset? This is her first time and probably last time in Vegas. I’ll never see her again.” The prospect of that statement made something inside twinge strangely.

“You could try to see her again. You know, long distance relationships. Who knows she may live somewhere close.”

“She lives in Seattle.” Jon looked at him surprised. “What? She was a suspect and I needed more background on her.”

“Hmm...funny, you said she was a suspect. Are you finally relinquishing that crazy theory?” He now smiled broadly, seeing that Damian was finally coming around.

“I suppose she has shown no more clear signs of being a threat.”

“Great! So will you go apologize to her now?” The peppy and energetic Jon had returned much to his dismay.

“I’m not using company time for personal matters.” He spoke flatly.

“Well then, I guess it’s a good thing that you’re not on the clock for another hour and a half. Now go, before I force you, and that will just be more embarrassing for you.”

“Please Kent, you can’t force me to do anything. But I suppose that I can’t leave an unhappy guest if it’s my doing.”

Jon rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure. Whatever gets you to do it.”

Damian dragged his hand over his face and groaned. He hated apologizing, he hadn’t had much experience since he rarely found times that he was wrong and the situation actually called for it. He moved to the door to begin his quest.

“Oh, and we’ll have a discussion about the use of company software on personal devices later.” Jon had called after him.

The door shut behind his and his shoulder slumped. He could feel a headache coming on. Well, I better get this over with so I can get on with my life and get to work. He guessed that she would still be in her room avoiding the risk of running into him so soon after their fight. He stopped by the cafe and picked up an order of tea and a chocolate croissant as a peace offering and then made his way to her room.

Suddenly he was right in front of her door and he realized that he hadn’t even thought about what he was going to say. His throat felt dry and he seemed to be too warm. This is a bad idea, she doesn't want to see me. She probably doesn't even care. What if she isn’t even in her room? He paced outside for a few minutes before he heard a muffled voice coming from the inside of her room. He felt only slightly creepy as he pressed his ear to the door to listen to what was being said. It was definitely her voice and an indistinct voice on the phone.

“Yes, I’ve gotten quite a bit of research done, but it’s not quite going the way I wanted.” The other person sounded irritated by the inflection of the muffled sounds. “The participants gave me some information, but none of it is really useful for us. Perhaps we should look elsewhere….I don’t know maybe another casino? Look, it’s your job to find someplace we can actually work with. It’s my job to survey and collect data and tell you if it's worth the investment or not.” The voice grew louder and he heard a loud exhale from the woman. “I’m telling you that I don’t see a good outcome of working at this casino, and that’s my professional opinion. Have I ever let you down?” She was clearly agitated. “Great, I’ll be coming home Tuesday and I’ll wrap up my report by the weekend.”

The creak of the bed signaled that she was done with the conversation and had sat on the bed most likely out of annoyance and irritation. Was it really the best time now? Now or never he supposed. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

A moment passed before the door finally swung open revealing a tired looking Raven. Her hair was thrown up into a messy bun and there was a small smudge of mascara under her eyes. Most intriguing to him, however, was the navy silk robe she was wearing. You’re not here for that. She cocked her hip and raised her eyebrow in question.

“Damian.” She said curtly.

“Miss Roth. I came to..uh..apologize.” He held out the now barely warm tea and croissant. Her face lit up with surprise taking the items into her own hands. She still eyed him skeptically, but took a step back gesturing with her hand that held the croissant for him to enter.

“Sorry for the mess, I’m between packing up for my return trip and figuring out what to wear tonight.”

“I’m sorry for my intrusion to your plans, maybe I should come back-”

“No.” She commanded. “You came here for a reason, and so you should see that through. I’m intrigued.” She took a sip of the tea and scrunched her nose a bit before hastily putting it down onto the nightstand. She proceeded to sit on the bed criss crossing her legs, allowing the robe to split open revealing lacy underwear. Damian quickly averted his eyes to her smirking face and his throat suddenly felt tight and his face felt hot.

He cleared his throat and began pacing, keeping his attention away from her alluring body.

"The way I proceeded with our engagement earlier was unjustified and I regret that I upset you. As a guest of our resort, it is my priority to make sure you are happy and content with your stay here." He chanced a glance at her face and was surprised to see it held astonishment and something close to disgust.

"You've got to be fucking joking." Damian blinked dumbly at her not understanding. "You're not...wow. Ok, try doing this," she spun her finger around indicating his speech, "again, but this time be a fucking man and talk to me like Damian. Not the head of security or son of the CEO. Otherwise get the fuck out."

Her face turned red with fury and she stood. Her arm shot out pointing to the door. "Get the fuck out now!"

Damian swallowed, he hated this. He hated that Jon convinced him to do this. "Fine, I'm sorry that I fucked you." The words had left his mouth in a rush and he even shocked himself at how it came out. He spun to her hoping he didn't just royaly fuck up this apology. Jon is going to kill me.

"Wait no. Raven, listen."

"You're not listening. I said get out, or do I have to call your friend to get you out. How dare you come here and say that to me."

"Would you stop. That's not how I meant it. I don't regret doing it, I regret how it came about."

She looked bewildered. "What do you mean how it came about?"

Shit, this is why he meant to come prepared. Well no use in hiding it now. "I wished it had happened naturally, like you and Tim." The words were bitter in his mouth and she licked her lips looking off to the side. "I...I was following a lead that you were a suspect in conning our casino."

Raven's head snapped to look at him, mouth open slightly. She shook her head and rubbed at her temples. "You're telling me that all of our encounters haven't been accidental and you've been stalking me because you think I was going to pull a fast one over your casino?"

"Essentially, yes."

"Who was in on this?"

"Tim actually logged it first when you had been winning probably more times than usual. But he quickly dismissed you, particularly when he found out you were single. The others in security knew about you because they were doing their jobs, but they didn't believe it to be true. And the girls at the spa knew after when I discussed it with them. Admittedly I was the last one unconvinced." He cast his stare at the floor finally feeling guilty at his stubbornness. Saying it out loud, he could hear how foolish he had been.

She released a humorless laugh. "Wow. I...I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. I am sorry for how I behaved. I see the errors of my ways. I convinced myself you were still a suspect so that I had an excuse to learn more about you and get closer to you."

"If I wasn't so pissed off right now I'd say that's kinda romantic in a stalkerish kind of way." A ghost of a smile graced her lips.

"I know you're scheduled to leave Tuesday, but would you consider accepting a free four night stay? We'd even reimburse your plane ticket. Though we may have to upgrade your room if there's a reservation on it."

"Excuse me?"

"We'll the girls want you to join them for their plans on Friday. And it's the least we can to make up for the time you wasted being bothered by all of us. Namely me." He didn't know what made him offer her these things. He had never done such a thing for any other guest and it was actually a rather expensive apology.

Raven pursed her lips trying to weigh her options. "I suppose it would be foolish not to accept. But is your father alright with comping this?"

"I rarely care what my father is alright with. I'll see to it myself that it is all taken care of." He shuffled around a bit before nodding in her direction and making his way toward the door.

"Damian wait!" He stopped and watched her jog a few steps, closing their distance.

She fiddled with her hands as if trying to decide whether to use them or not. Damian quirked an eyebrow at this and just watched with anticipation. "I accept your apology." Her eyes were still on the floor.

"Thank you, I suppose I should leave you alone now." Raven's hands on his chest halted his exit.

He looked down into her mesmerizing indigo eyes and saw how they gleamed with mischief. She bit her lower lip and turned her gaze to her hands running smoothly over the plane of his chest sending a trickle of electricity through his body.

"What if I don't want you to leave me alone? I can think of another way you can make sure I hear your apology." Her eyes looked up at him through her dark lashes with a coy smile on her lips.

Damian smirked in response and pulled her in, relishing the way her body feels against his. He leaned in keeping a fraction of space between their lips. He could feel her chest rise and fall with heavy and excited breaths.

"Where do I begin?"

#raven #teen titans #damian wayne #damirae #demonbirds #robrae #night at the wayne casino #casino au #jon kent

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nehawriter16 · 4 years ago

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2020 / 24

There are only 2 things I can do on an airplane – dose up on sleeping meds and pass out, or order one too many cappuccinos, keep my exhausted brain awake, and will it to talk to paper. The flight from JFK was in the afternoon and in the chaos of leaving for the airport early in the morning, I forgot to pack my pills.

Two cappuccinos in, my hands were shaking and begging to be typing out the Mrs. Maisel speed monologue that constantly runs in my head. Even though there is a month left in this year, I decided to do my annual New Years Eve post. Over the last 3 days, I’ve been drilling it down to go from gibberish to slightly readable.

Here it is.

Like the rest of the world, in January, I was blissfully unaware of the shitstorm that would follow. I got into several colleges on the East Coast for a Master’s in Finance degree. Every day, I would race down the stairs with my laptop and show my parents: another admit, another scholarship! On the surface, I was making pro and con lists for each one. Deep down, my heart had already picked Fordham in New York. It was New York. Nothing else would cut it.

The day after I turned 24 in January, I also met my (now ex) boyfriend on the internet. Completely by accident, he saw my profile because a mutual friend followed my writing. Two days later, she texted me and said he would like to talk to me. Did I want to talk to some boy studying in Paris? I was single and bored and already had my year laid out for me, so why wouldn’t I?

It moved quickly. Three months later, we had been speaking every day and were exclusive. We had not hung out in person. It was stupid, but I had never come across anybody who liked me as much as he did. In every relationship I had been in before this, I always knew I was more emotionally involved. I fell in love with his devotion to me – he would stay home (who stays home in Paris!) and choose to spend virtual time with me over going to clubs with his friends. I watched myself become the epicenter of his life and thought – this is how much I’ve always wanted to mean to somebody.

In March when the pandemic hit and India shut down, my father sent a car to pick me up from my internship in Bombay, where I had moved two weeks ago. I didn’t pack so much as my toothbrush – the driver brought me home and I had no idea that it would be months before I’d get to leave again.

Morales stayed high in the beginning – we thought it would end in 21 days, then 2 months, then 5. It has taken over the whole year now, and despite us gridlocking it into “2020,” we all know the first half of 2021 will also be filled with masks and sanitizers and not hugging your friends. I wonder if I will ever settle into somebody’s arms without cringing again.

March melted into April, that melted into one long drawl until suddenly it was August and college was beginning the following week. I found myself refreshing the US consulate’s website absent mindedly one afternoon, and all appointments that had been suspended suddenly showed you a tiny little bar that read “reschedule.” I screamed and clicked.

I had thought I would be spending the year stuck at home, awake and attending classes at odd hours. While my classmates went to happy hours in dive bars in Manhattan, I would be in my bedroom, still chained to my parents’ curfews and ultimatums. But then suddenly, I was standing before a US immigration officer in Bombay, and he was telling me I had been granted my student visa.

All that was left to do was book a flight to New York, and break the news to my boyfriend, who was on his way to my abandoned apartment at this very moment for our first date, 7 months after we first began speaking. He had come home in March when France went into lockdown, and it was starting to feel like a throuple with long distance, the third and very present member in our relationship.

I packed up the belongings I had left there, and we sat across from each other on the double bed. I kissed him first. There were roadblocks, and our personalities and views clashed on so many important things, but I loved him. Two days later, I said: I have to leave for New York in 3 weeks. He didn’t take it well.

In September, I landed at JFK. When the wheels of the plane made contact with the runway, I was smiling behind a mask I’d had on for 16 hours. On the Air Train to Manhattan, I felt a sense of happiness wash over me and toyed with the possibility that maybe I wouldn’t mind if it was just me in this city. I would be okay alone.

I found an apartment, a roommate, signed a lease in a beautiful building in Hell’s Kitchen, walking distance from college. I met lots of people from my class and instantly picked out the ones I wanted to become good friends with. I dove straight into academics and extra curriculars at college – after 5 months of nothing happening, life was suddenly exciting again.

When New York lit up every night, it felt like anything was possible. I started eating better and walking a lot. My hair grew out from the bad haircut I’d gotten the year before. Coffee was no longer just coffee, it was finding a new café and walking through Central Park. Drinks were not just drinks, they were about accidentally stumbling onto a secret bar in the East Village, finding favorite spots in the neighborhood, letting a cute waiter recommend a cocktail to me even though I was perfectly capable of picking one myself.

The boyfriend and I were fighting more than usual. I was getting tired of it. We had discussed a life together, but it was slowly and surely becoming clear to me that I would resent myself for making big compromises for a person who still had a lot of growing up left to do. As New York got cold, I did too – without trying. When one particular argument got really bad, I asked for a break from the relationship. He didn’t like it.

A week later, I woke up to a girl sending me screenshots on Instagram of her conversation with him (pre me asking for a break) on a dating app, and without getting into details, I will tell you it was not a conversation anybody with a girlfriend should have been having. I should have been broken in half on the inside, but now I could finally say, without feeling guilty – this relationship was not working, nobody was happy, and you were so unhappy you thought talking to other women was okay. I spent all of one day drinking with a friend in Central Park and sobbing myself to sleep.

But mostly, what hit me after the initial shock had died down was a tsunami of relief. I felt lighter, freer. I try not to think too hard about the trauma that comes from finding out that the person you think is so devoted to you, and definitely loves you more than you love them (or so you think) is being unfaithful, because it hurts a part of me that is already very bruised from all the things that have happened to me before. So I don’t.

But it was New York. I was young and smart and there was a wine shop down the block that sold $14 bottles of Moscato. I didn’t need much else to know I would be okay. At 20, I would have jumped right back into going on dates every other night to distract myself from what had happened, then never called any of those men back. At 24, this emotional speed bump resulted in a lot of quiet introspection in my bedroom. I spent a lot of time alone, on the phone with friends, and walking around the city. I had learnt to like my own company enough to not fill a suddenly empty void with anybody else’s, even though there have been several tempting offers in this past month, and sometimes, I have succumbed to them, but mostly I am very strict with who deserves my company.

It was nice to spend that second month in New York by myself. I owed absolutely nobody a single minute of my time. No one asked me questions, or called me and expected me to share my day unless I wanted to, and once I had worked hard and cleared out the things from my to do list for the day, time stretched out before me and I had the autonomy to decide the smallest thing down to who to meet, what to eat, how much to sleep.

I didn’t let my academics and ambition suffer – no matter what happens, I never do and I never will. The grades stay up – it’s built into my system. I am back home now and just 2 days in, I find myself wishing I hadn’t left New York. I was starting to build a life I liked there, and the only price I had to pay for it was a 4 pm sunset. It would have been slightly lonely, but I like the time I spend by myself. I worked hard to become like that.

This month, I will see my friends here at home. I’ve missed them. I can’t believe I grew up in this city and I already feel so alienated from it just from 60 days of living away. Is that how badly I wanted to leave?

I might be dramatic and fly back on my 25th birthday, so that I can say, “I was on a flight,” and ignore the slowly expanding bubble of dread that comes with turning that old. I like the ambiguity of airports and I’m the sort of inherently sad person who would love to be alone and unreachable on my birthday.

I acknowledge that my problems this year have been so small in the face of those of us who have lost family members, contracted the virus, had to give up internships or had jobs taken from us, been torn away from family, or had to make it through this alone.

I feel almost guilty that good things have happened to me in a year that has predominantly been bad for almost everyone else. I feel apologetic, even though from 2017 to 2019, I was treated like life’s sick joke so I should deserve these good things that I worked hard for.

I definitely feel myself growing up, though. Emotionally I find I have a clearer idea of what I want from relationships and friendships, and I don’t second guess cutting off anybody who doesn’t serve that purpose or messes with my mental peace. I still have days when self-doubt comes over for a cup of tea, leaves me weak in the knees, but most days are free of it. I am also moving out of that chameleon phase where I mirrored what I thought a room full of new people would want from me, and I am unapologetically myself, irrespective of who’s watching.

Last year I remember wishing for something stupid, like “I wish there was somebody to kiss on New Years Eve,” because I’ve never had anybody to smack lips with when it’s midnight. This year, I don’t care. I’ll kiss myself in the mirror, for all I care. I love her. She’s my homie.

It’s been a weird year. I know who I was in 2019, and I remember wondering if I was proud of her. Things were still in purgatory then. But I steered my life and brought it back on track. This year, I am proud of myself without doubting it.

There’s no measuring scale for personal growth, but if there was, I feel at least a couple of inches taller in 2020.

#personal 2020 writing

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ayellowcurtain · 5 years ago

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Can you please write something with Robbe's reaction to Sander's room with them eventually ending up in a makeout. // can you write about today’s post? like, their way until those locks, who gave the idea, etc // you already write sander being jealous of noor, could you write now robbe being jealous of britt // would you like to write robbe meeting sanders mum?? and also him seeing Sanders bedroom for the first time.

It was a way to get their minds off what was going to happen later. They’re meeting the parents already. It doesn’t feel rushed, Robbe is sure of how much he loves Sander, but it’s a big step. He never met anyone’s parents before.

And Robbe knows they’ll probably compare him to Britt, it’s only natural. He’s a little bit hungover, but he drank a lot of water when he woke up thinking about this special lunch already and he wasn’t expecting any more gifts, but then Sander asked him to close his eyes.

Sometimes, Sander wakes up way too early. He had already left and returned to the flat, waking Robbe up with soft, wet kisses all the way from his back to his face. Sander had bought the lock and asked them to go to the bridge before going back to his place. It was a small and cheesy gesture, but it distracted Robbe enough.

“You write it on one side and I’ll do the other.” Sander takes their lock from his inside pocket, giving it to Robbe as he searches for the pen. Robbe is a little cold, he’s definitely underdressed, but it’s fine, he hugs Sander’s arm and stays as close as he can to him to keep himself warm while he waits.

There are a bunch of things he can write, but he goes with his first thought. Whatever putting a lock on a bridge might do to them or their relationship, Robbe just wants the bridge - or whoever is reading their message - to be sure that his main goal is to stay with Sander forever.

It’s hard writing on a lock when you’re cold, the sharpie tip is a little too big and the lock not big enough. R & S, and he draws the heart around it, showing it to Sander.

“Your turn.” Robbe gives him a quick kiss on his lips as Sander grabs the pen and the lock, smiling.

In every universe.

Sander struggles even more than Robbe, there’s a crease in between his eyebrows as he writes, but he also writes a lot more and Robbe can’t help how his heart grows inside his chest.

It was a random conversation they had a long time ago, Robbe was just sharing a piece of those late-night thoughts he had and never shared with anyone and now it’s part of their story, a way to make life seem a little less scary during the bad nights or days.

“You want to do it?” He asks and Robbe squeezes Sander’s arm in between his arms.

“No, we have to do it together. You’ll hold it and I’ll lock it.” Sander kisses his forehead before walking closer to the rail, holding Robbe’s hand instead of letting him hug his arm, taking a few steps sideways to find the perfect spot.

They sit down, take some photos and finally put their lock in the tiny space they found that even has a nice view.

“We’ll be fine, ok? And if you feel uncomfortable or if you just wanna leave, just tell me and we’ll go.” Robbe pulls Sander down by his jacket, nodding his head.

“Just...” He kisses Sander instead of trying to explain how his brain works, putting both hands very tightly around his neck, giving his boyfriend a long, lingering kiss just to make sure that they still fell like the best kind of fireworks and excitement. There’s just something about the way they kiss and how Robbe feels it in every inch of his body.

“Come,” Sander purrs, touching Robbe’s lips again when he talks “let’s get this over with.”

Maybe Sander’s problem is that he can’t find one thing that he doesn’t like about Robbe. There’s one, but he knows Robbe didn’t mean those words, and besides that one second buried in the past, Sander thinks Robbe is perfect.

That’s one of the reasons why he agreed with bringing Robbe to meet his overprotective parents so soon, just because he needs them to see just how perfect this boy is.

Robbe was a nervous wreck just minutes ago, constantly pulling Sander back, keeping them away from the door, trying to postpone their lunch, distracting Sander with hot kisses and little whines.

And now that they’re inside, he’s acting like the softest, kindest, cutest baby ever.

He talks so softly, always with a shy smile, and he’s almost whispering, dealing so well when Sander’s mom constantly putting Britt in the middle of any subject by accident. She says sorry a million times and Robbe just shrugs and it’s so cute. He’s very patient and even offers himself to set the table for them, but Sander just needs a moment alone with him.

So when Robbe gives him the plates to put on the table, he obeys, but holds Robbe’s hand, saying to his mom that they’ll be right back, Sander just wants him to see his bedroom.

Sander wasn’t home for a few days and he ignores when his mom asks him to wait, getting inside his bedroom and closing the door behind Robbe, pushing him against it.

“What-are you doing? Your mom is waiting for us...” Robbe doesn’t finish his sentence, putting his head to one side, letting Sander lick his neck slowly on the other side while opening his belt and unzipping Robbe’s pants in one quick movement.

“Food is not ready yet...” Sander pushes Robbe’s jacket down to the floor, smiling against his cheek. “We have time.”

His boyfriend has a cute smile on his lips that slowly goes away when he looks over Sander’s shoulder. Sander stops, and he can see Robbe’s eyes going from one place to the next, walking to the side to go explore whatever he’s seeing.

Sander watches as Robbe walks slowly, looking around carefully, his fingertips touching his open drawers and he stops at his table, grabbing the one thing Sander didn’t want him to see.

Britt gave him a big frame with a collage of their photos together, including the photos they took the night he cheated on Robbe with her, Robbe makes sure to carefully touch every photo, his thumb taking more time on the picture of Britt using Sander’s jacket.

“She gave me this and I didn’t have time to throw it away.” Sander takes the frame away from Robbe’s hands, putting it behind himself, away from Robbe’s eyes.

“You don’t have to throw it away. There are some of her clothes in your drawers too...” Robbe points at the dresser that is behind Sander, where his tv stands, right in front of his bed but Sander doesn’t look back to check the information. Robbe’s eyes get so small and sad when he’s not feeling too good, you can instantly tell when he’s not happy.

His mom probably made this mess while she was looking for any clues of where he was days ago, opening every drawer, putting all his notebooks on his table. Sander is sure she didn’t mean to let everything that belongs to Britt in plain sight, but he hates that Robbe saw it anyway.

“I want to. There’s no point in having this here.” The frame makes a loud noise when it hits the floor, but Sander doesn’t care, using his hand for better things, gently pulling Robbe closer by his waist, going back to what they were doing a minute ago.

Robbe whines and that’s all Sander needs to hear, smiling against Robbe’s lips as he pushes him to sit on the table with his legs wide open so they can press their hips together.

“It’s just the two of us, remember?” Sander thought about making a joke of it, but he knows how insecure Robbe is about Britt and Sander gave him so many reasons for it and he’ll never forgive himself for it, but at least he’ll always be here to remind Robbe that they’re together, there’s nobody else for him.

“Nothing feels as good as this...” He slowly slips his hand under Robbe’s shirt and inside his jeans, grabbing him and gently rubbing his palm against the front of Robbe’s underwear, making him open his mouth and slowly let the air out.

“Your mom...” Robbe manages to whisper, but his short nails dig in the nape of Sander’s neck and he is sure Robbe doesn’t really care about anyone else but Sander.

“She can wait. You can’t.”

Robbe gives him a coy smile as a response, with his flushed cheeks, melting it down to put his head on Sander’s shoulder.

“You’re gonna sleep here with me tonight. I need your smell in my bed.” Sander smiles, nibbling his ear.

#wtfock #robbe ijzermans #sander driesen #robbe x sander #sobbe

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years ago

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i am SO delighted to hear that the "detective and five people trapped on an elevator and one of them is the devil" movie is real and you saw it. also while trying to send this i accidentally clicked the Unfollow button (and then promptly refollowed), sorry about that

lmao i maybe wouldn’t’ve noticed, love Tumblr Notifications and how like, they display different on desktop vs mobile and the way it Condenses them is only so helpful cuz sometimes some of them only display for 0.2 seconds while i’m on mobile and it hasn’t Refreshed in a way that reshuffles everything and i can’t view that particular [Like from a certain person or smthing] ever again lmao like i hate this, it’s bad, just like that movie about people trapped on an elevator and a detective has to get them out and has to act fast b/c one of them is the devil

it is so stupid first of all like. it’s just overall not a great movie from Any of the angles it’s playing like. first of all the Detective is only around b/c he’s solving a nearby murder / death and making like. corny dumb “oh this is a Smart guy” observations about the Scene and someone is like “oh hey @ cops you’re already on the premises, come solve the mystery of Elevator Broke” like i don’t think that’s how it works and also i can’t even remember the reason they find this issue That pressing pre-realizing And One Of Them Is The Devil. maybe someone dies right off, idk. there is conflict on the elevator so naturally that’s a whole other thing like, we’re all trapped in this elevator together and maybe one of us is untrustworthy and liable to be dangerous to the rest of us like, i don’t know the Contrivance that makes these people think anything has to be done but just Stand Around for a while but it’s you know. that whole Thing where there’s a premise of “some shit is happening to Incite Conflict amongst strangers who are trapped in a bad situation together and they’re all apparently raring to judge each other’s moral fiber to decide who deserves Suspicion vs Protection.” but also, one of them is the devil

meanwhile on the outside it’s this dumb Cop Mystery Drama where this rando guy apparently sets aside the death he was investigating earlier to solve this elevator situation (i think eventually it’s revealed that that death was tied to the elevator situation all along. i think that the devil killed the guy. or something) and also, maybe there was Coincidentally some kind of heist going on at this place b/c i remember at some point the detective (and some partner there too involved in all this) like, find some tools hidden in a bathroom like “aha this was Used to do [whatever]” and despite having no idea what the details are i Know i remember this b/c of at the time going “oh my god that is so dumb Nobody Would Do This / this makes no sense” lol like. writing not great. and this was maybe Not the devil, but a regular separate scheme to. do something

also there’s some aspect where Main Cop has some tragic backstory and is like, not over it b/c it was so painful. i think maybe someone like hit and run his wife or something like that. you know how it goes. spoilers in that i think the person that the devil is here to kill (more on this devil assassination thing....) was Behind That somehow lmfao so it’s like really??? is that our resolution, that people’s stories are Converging in a very serendipitous way b/c the devil would like to give people emotional catharsis......idek. look, spoilers, this old lady who “dies” in the elevator relatively early on turns out to have been The One Of Them Who Is The Devil, Act Fast. and it was this weird thing where the devil is like “grr whoever i’m even here to Get in the first place is just Such A Bad Person that uhhh i guess i came here in person to take them to hell” like.....what tf kind of Lore......this is definitely going with “aaaah the devil is evil” approach, not any more kind of Neutral figure, but then in the end apparently the evil devil is just really Judgey and Disgusted by someone being A Bad Person like??? you ought to love this shit!!!!! and anyways the detective learns that One Of Them is The Devil b/c when they take him up to the security camera display hq it’s like a) look at this scary Moment where the elevator camera feed gets staticky and a scary face appears for a moment (im not sure if i could see what it was supposed to be lmfao) This Means Something and okay oh my god i reread the plot summary b/c for the life of me i couldnt remember the ending, it is so stupid oh my god

okay so first of all the Dead Person the detective was investigating had left like a suicide note like “i am killing myself b/c um. the devil approacheth” like wow okay right off the bat? amazing foreshadowing. why does this person Know this?? and why should he care b/c the devil is here apparently for a Special Soul Collection like, this has nothing to do with you, random guy?? you don’t even need to worry like. just stay home from work to avoid the fairly minor problems that occur (like MAYBE one guy dies in the course of this story but i think it’s a little ambiguous, meanwhile whoever Really Dies in th elevator was i think due to like, suspicion and infighting lmao. idk maybe the devil killed a few of them. it’s weird) but yeah the highlight is this

everyone please enjoy this scene. security guy ramirez is explaining the Devil Expertise courtesy of Where I Come From where toast falling jelly side down is evidence that the devil is hanging out in the elevator.

while looking up “devil toast” the result immediately after that one was “the devil takes the toast” which is a devil takes the hindmost ytp which i feel is really fitting

it kind of undercuts the stakes i think when not only is the devil only sorta gently radiating Bad Luck but also is just super Righteous but like. yes it turns out that the devil is here to Claim a guy on the elevator was the same dude who Hit N Run the detective’s family (wife and kid apparently) those years prior......except like, it wasn’t even like oh he assassinated them On Purpose, it’s apparently already a Known Detail that although they ~never knew~ who killed detective joe’s family (idk what his name is idc) there was a Note left on the scene like “sowwy :(” like really? this is the Big Bad that the devil made a special corporeal visit for??????? and then, get this, when the devil is like “i’m not a dead old lady, i’m the devil, and i’m here to Get you b/c you accidentally killed a couple of people and i, the devil, am really disgusted by how sinful you are for that” the guy is like “yes that was me :’( i’m sorry” and then the devil is like “ah fuck you’ve Repented. i can’t take you to hell anymore. bye” like what!!! why did he only have to feel bad about it to get out of this whole situation when obviously he Felt Bad in the first place b/c he up and left a note like “[grimace emoji] aaa my bad” like, did he have to apologize To The Devil?? the lore i s2g. Jelly Toast Rules operating here i guess.

anyways then the detective who witnessed this i guess is like “wow the guy who killed my family all those years ago but i’m still sad about it.....well i’m gonna arrest him now. but also, I Forgive Him.” oh and also for a while there the detective was so gritty he didn’t believe in The Devil b/c the vehicular manslaughter apparently made him think that human nature was evil enough to not need the extra help. so now he’s made the arc of getting uh, emotional closure on his family’s death by forgiving the dude who i guess super crashed into them on accident, And gets to know that the devil is real actually and he’s on the elevator but now Not b/c he was like “ah jeez thwarted by this guy uh, feeling bad about the accidental deaths even though he felt bad in the first place” and there was no other point to the detective being there b/c he didn’t Really do shit except i guess drive this sideplot where you are led to believe he Might figure out who the Bad Guy on the elevator is. (it is the devil. one guy has a crime record or something but, spoilers, he is trying to turn his life around with some good honest work as a security guard or something. idk)

it was amazing and very stupid and i was continually indignant b/c the writing was dumb and made no sense and just so fucking corny throughout. the entire movie is called “devil” and i remember it was like “tf is ‘devil’” and as soon as it involved an Elevator i was like omg omg is this And He Has To Act Fast Because One Of Them Is The Devil, and it was, so that was exciting. it was a dumb waste of time but also it was not b/c it was *slightly* so bad it’s good. mostly Not Even. but just watch the toast scene there b/c like. i think that’s this movie’s #1 contribution outside that post about the plot summary.

#Thank You for this excuse to go on for a while about Devil (2010)#it's also weird it feels more like. mid 00s than that #anyways i appreciate you as always #just the shot of the toast going Thwack on the floor followed immediately by other guy going ''what are you - what are you Doin...'''#SO good

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mellz117 · 5 years ago

Text

Hi! I’m Mellz and I’m starting up Kingdom Hearts 2 on the PlayStation 2!

Just below are links to the first parts of my previous Kingdom Hearts plays.

[ KH1 ] _ [ Re:CoM Sora ] _ [ KH Re:CoM Riku ]

It’s been a hot minute, like 3,155,763 smoldering hot minutes, which would be 6 years including leap years. Yeah it was 01/27/2014 last I touched this game, exactly 6 years ago to this day (01/27/2020) as of me starting up again. This was an accident.

Guide thingy: Things like long gaps between commentary and days will be separated by a line of dots like that -> ……

Text relating to an image posted will have a blockquote either above and/or below the image

Dialogue exchanges will also be separated by a blockquote

Ok I'm playing on standard difficulty, if I'm having a hard time, then I just suck. If you’re reading this and haven’t experienced KH2 for yourself, why are you here? Go away, there’s spoilers for things that aren’t revealed until later.

SO LET’S JUST JUMP INTO IT

……………………………………………………………………………………………

I always liked this fancy CGI opening. There’s a lot of things I missed last I saw it.

IT’S HIM. Look how cute he is!

So we start off with a recap of Kingdom Hearts via a dream it seems and our protagonist, my precious boy Roxas, wakes up his own home all alone because apparently DiZ didn't create a digital family for him. But KH is notorious for forgetting parents, so maybe they did. I’m not Cinema Sins so I wont ping this game for not giving Roxas fake parents lmao

In the next scene Roxas is more interested in his own hands than he is in his friends' conversation.

blurry ring textures, blurry checker pattern. Not everything holds up well on a flat screen TV

He hasn't been paying attention so he's just as confused as the player is at this point when he finally takes his attention off his hands.

This dialogue is so early 2000's. KH1 and CoM avoided this but with the urban setting of Twilight Town it's DEFINITELY noticeable and outdated. So rumors have spread about Roxas, Hayner, Pence, and Olette that photographs are being stolen, and THEY'RE the theives. Who is the operator of the rumor mill? Seifer and his posse. Also the actual WORD is gone too, they try to say “photo” but it just DOESN’T EXIST. This is where the game gets a bit odd.

TUTORIALS GALORE. I JUST WANT TO PAUSE AND CHANGE THE CAMERA CONTROLS STOP TELLING ME ABOUT MY NEXT OBJECTIVE but no no it’s telling me how to lock on, control my camera, context sensitive buttons, etc

This girl’s dress looks like shes wearing a bra over it

I like how the animal AI hasn't changed at all in this entire series. And by like I mean hate, KH3 doesn't change that. Sven is as boring as this cat we have to look at.

The gang heads to the sandlot where Seifer, Fuujn, Raijin, and Vivi like to hang out I guess? Vivi is a little, solid black, wizard dwarf amongst all these regular humans and no one bats an eye. This shit is normal. Seifer with his stupid Seto Kaiba jacket, shows up to further accuse Roxas and his friends of stealing photos, one specifically of Roxas flat on his face and Seifer standing triumphantly over him (which we’re actually shown later). "That was undeniable proof that we totally owned you lamers" he says in regards to it and challenges Roxas to a rematch.

A+ dialogue

Seifer. My dude, ya dumb-dumb. If you think for one second that I'm gonna let my boy lose to you, you are sorely mistaken.

“If you get on your knees and beg, maybe I’ll let it slide.” Seifer says and Roxas plays it slick, taking a knee and looking through a convenient selection of foam weapons. Battle ensues.

So of course I win because Seifer is a pleb, and Pence takes a commemorative ______ of Roxas's sound victory, but oh no! Something stole the camera right out of Pence's hands! Roxas gives chase, because apparently he's the only one who cares enough to do so, and confronts the actual thief, a Dusk type Nobody. Roxas is taking this creature encounter rather calmly. Like mild confusion at most.

I hate these things, they're creepy. When you do a reversal on them they like, plant their hands on the ground behind them and their legs wrap around their arms while they spaz out. Ughghdhahh

Of course Roxas's foam bat doesnt cause any damage to the Dusk, and suddenly a familiar giant key digitally manifests in his hands. DiZ is installing mods I see. I have a Keyblade mod in Skyrim, so we have something in common.

After we defeat the thief the next scene shows the gang at the usual spot with the recovered photos. Ok ok so was "photo" the only word deleted from the vocabulary or were any other alternative words taken away too? Like, if they could have said "picture" this whole time, they would have had much less stupid sounding dialogue exchanges. Whatever lmao.

“Tell us about the picture thief.”

“Not much to say. The pictures were just lying there.”

You liar. Tell them about how you fought a wormy, white boy.

Pence notices all the pics are of Roxas and speculates the picture thief wanted to take the REAL Roxas and Hayner is like

The best friendships are ones where you can take jabs at each other and know there’s no malice intended.

In the scene thereafter, the kids go their separate ways, the evening(?) sun assaults Roxas's eyes, and whenever he closes them he gets another vision? Idk what time of day it is it always looks the same.

God ok as someone who hadn’t played CoM before playing KH2 for the first time, I must have been SUPER lost regarding who DiZ and Namine were and why Sora is in the pod. More recaps of KH1: I don’t know why they found it necessary to redub over the old voices with the new actors in these flashbacks.

Moving on. Roxas learns what the Keyblade is through his dreams. On his way to meet up with his friends, he tries summoning the Keyblade with a stick, when that doesn’t work he carelessly throws it aside and it hits this cloak clad man behind him. This dude is either completely unfazed by that is or so offended he can’t even say anything and walks away before he goes all Karen on Roxas’s ass.

We’re back at the usual spot and summer vacation is nearing it’s end. Hayner wants to go to the beach before school is back in session! You poor fuckers...

Same, dude. I’m waiting on my tax returns, looking forward to that.

SKATEBOARD

“TO DEFEAT THE HUNSSSSSSS!”

Pretzels at the beach? Salty and not refreshing. I got you fam, I’ll make enough money for a watermelon. Roxas is so poor omg... How much is 150 Munny in American currency?

Just BEAT the cargo with a foam bat. What’s IN the bag? Is it trash? Clothes? Is it potentially breakable? Next. Time to beat some bees!

So Poster Duty was my go-to job in this game in the past because you could get 100 Munny if you did well. But now that I’m older I realized how annoying it is. I had an efficient route planned out, hit as many of the 3 poster placements in that route, and be over and done with that in about 1:10....

But then Roxas goes aND DOES THIS!

FUCKING SKIPS THE ONE DIRECTLY NEXT TO HIM, DEFYING GRAVITY IN FAVOR OF THE POSTS BELOW

HE DOES THIS CONSISTENTLY!! I do have a live reaction to this but it’s too big for tumblr. I’ll have it up on youtube one of these days

Eventually I stopped sticking posters to walls and became a mailman until the game made me stop.

Black-clad man is back with his own stick! Oof, Roxas eats the pavement and is manhandled by cloaky boy. WAS THIS ROUGH TREATMENT REALLY THAT NECESSARY? You might wanna treat Sora's Nobody with a little more respect. AND YOU STOLE HIS HARD-EARNED MONEY! YOU BASTARD!

The gang is on the clock tower, very dangerously high up. Wtf what if someone falls?! Roxas feels so guilty about what happened and Hayner gets over this little fiasco pretty quickly and the next day he already has another fun plan.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

On his way to the station, Roxas crosses paths with Pence and Olette, the latter two freeze and Roxas meets Namine. Is her interest in Roxas linked to her desire to be Sora’s friend? A strange girl tells Roxas she wanted to meet him “at least once” and he doesn’t know what to do lol. Namine doesn’t stay long, leaving Roxas with his confusion. What is going through his head? A girl he doesn’t know seems to know him well enough to want to see him. Pence and Olette unfreeze after Namine is out of the shot. Pence and Olette have such a cute relationship, I’d love for them to be siblings. Pence goes shopping with her even if he might not want to. I can relate, I hate clothes shopping.

These Dusks don’t seem like too much of a threat tbh, they just kinda swagger slowly towards Roxas and grab his hand. Roxas hardly struggles to escape to the sandlot.

Chicken wuss

WE FINALLY GET SOMEWEHERE, we end up on the stained glass pillars in the Station of Serenity (?). Time to grind for like 5 minutes because this giant noodle boy already killed me once.

This thing really unsettles me. All the creature Nobodies do! They’re all twitchy and stretchy. DISGUSTING

DAMN THAT IS A HIGH FALL HOW DO YOU SURVIVE THAT?!

Upon defeat, this big noodle boy falls on top of Roxas and Namine saves him from being enveloped by darkness.

Namine really seems to like to silence him. First she shoves her hand in his face but that was too forward. This time she daintily places a finger over her lips and says her part. Black-cloak guy shows up, rough handles Namine a little bit but not as roughly as he did Roxas. AND SHOVES ROXAS INTO A PORTAL

SEIFER IS AN OPPORTUNISTIC SHITLET POSING IN FRONT OF HIS UNCONSIOUS BODY. Bitch you didn’t earn that. Hayner, Pence, and Olette see Roxas with Seifer’s gang, Hayner feels betrayed thinking Roxas ghosted him in favor of Seifer. He stays pretty salty about it for a good while

IM NOT WORKING ON THIS LIKE I SHOULD. ITS ALMOST A MONTH SINCE STARTING. In my next post we'll be "Struggling" to progress. Eh? Eh? Get it? Like the tournament?

I'm not funny.

Here’s the next part: [ _2_ ]

Below is a compilation of my live reactions and comments throughout this point of the game.

youtube

#mellz plays kh2 #Kingdom Hearts Series #kingdom hearts 2 #kh2 #PlayStation 2 #square enix #disney #mellz post

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randxmthxughts · 6 years ago

Note

Hey! A one shot in which y/n is Shawn’s girlfriend and she’s with the gang celebrating his b-day in Amsterdam? (Wednesday)

Hickeys

Amsterdam was beautiful. Shawn had his pre-birthday planned out and flied you out here right before, so you could celebrate with him. Andrew, Brian, as well as some of other crew members were already there with Shawn, waiting for your arrival. It would be miserable if you had missed Shawn’s birthday, and you barely managed to get there a few hours before the celebration. Shawn had to wake up early in the morning to pick you up from the airport, and to say that you were both cuddling and bed and having lazy morning sex till 1 pm was to say nothing; you had missed each other too much, to just go to sleep.

Shawn was very excited for you being here with him. It’s been two weeks since you saw each other, and you two couldn’t get enough of one another. You made other guests on the boat slightly uncomfortable by constantly making out and flirting, earning mocking jokes from Brian. The only way two shut you two down was to take pictures of you, which worked for a while, until both of you stopped caring at all.

“Shawn, have you seen your Twitter?” Andrew suddenly spoke in, looking up from his phone.

“Really? Are you stalking him even on his birthday?” you quirked your eyebrow with a smirk, making others laugh.

“No, what’s up?” Shawn also pulled out his phone, and started looking through his mentions.

You overlooked his shoulder, and after a few seconds of scrolling down there were plenty of pictures Shawn took with fans right before leaving the hotel. You weren’t in any of them, since you had left later through the back door, and nobody even knew that you were in Amsterdam.

“Y/N,” Brian whined, with a laugh, “you guys are really teenagers, aren’t you?”

“What? Why?” you asked, as Brian turned his phone around to show you a closer picture of Shawn’s neck.

Shawn went quiet for a few seconds, still scrolling down his Twitter, while Andrew and others were chuckling. On the picture that Brian had shown you, Shawn’s neck was covered in a few big purple blemishes; hickeys. You bit you lower lip, and looked at Shawn’s neck. They weren’t as evident right now, but on the pictures the shirt exposed his neck when he was leaning forward, and fans were quick to notice that.

“They think they’re hickeys, God,” Shawn finally spoke, rubbing his neck.

“Cause they are, dude,” Brian laughed again, making you slightly embarrassed.

“Well, the bigger issue is not the hickeys,” Andrew was now on his phone again, “they think Shawn’s cheating on Y/N.”

“What?” you and Shawn both spat out at the same time.

“They don’t know Y/N’s here, so they made an assumption,” Andrew chuckled.

Shawn and you stared at each other for a few seconds, before breaking into a laughter. You pulled down the fabric of his shirt to see the bruises again, and now they were even brighter than in the morning.

“Maybe we should keep that closed,” you giggled, adjusting the collar to cover his neck again.

As the crew continued throwing in jokes and laughing at the accident, Shawn suddenly took out his camera and started recording himself. You were surprised at what he was going to say.

“Hey guys, so I’m already seeing some tweets. Before this goes further, I’m gonna end it,” he quickly mumbled, exposing his neck again and showing the hickeys, “these marks on my neck are by this little one here,” he smiled widely, pointing the camera at you, “she’s with me in Amsterdam celebrating.”

You only gave a shy smile looking away, partly confused at his behaviour, but also finding it extremely funny. He then turned the camera to himself again and continued.

“Just so you guys know I’m not a cheater. That’s it, I love you,” he sent an air-kiss, and ended the video.

“What was that?” you whined, hitting him in the shoulder.

“Just clarifying the rumors,” Shawn responded, now posting the video on his Snapchat.

writing week

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potions-and-potters · 7 years ago

Note

1. You're rocking the flower crowns, my friend. Beautiful as ever. 2. The faculty newsletter thing may have been a shitpost but it remains to this day the funniest thing I've ever seen and it 100% deserves all 10,000+ notes it's gotten. Amazing. 3. I had no idea you were taking prompts! Could I pretty please ask for 62 and/or 73 for Snarry? ~Sleepy Anon, extra sleepy

Prompt: #62. “It was an accident!”

Word Count: 2,014

Warnings: none

Tags: established relationship, fluff, parent!snarry, unhelpful frogs

Author’s note: Thank you so much for all your kind words!! I also only recently reblogged that post. I’m always taking prompts though! So if anyone has something they want to be written, all they need to do is send me an ask and I’ll see what I can do! Now, about the fic. I decided to do 62 AND 73. As in separately. So here is 62! I’ll get 73 done and post that as well. I hope you like it! I know this probably wasn’t where you thought this would go, but I was just in the mood for some fluffy parent!snarry, you know? Let me know what you think :)

Fic:

A blur of black hair rushed by the window. Harry and Severus paused their conversation, Severus arching a brow at his husband. They listen carefully but nothing but the wind chime sounded outside. Harry looked out the window, seeing the back garden as tranquil as ever. The light wind blew the trees and the smell of Severus’s herb garden drifted in on it.

But there was definitely something out there. Or rather, someone. Opening his mouth, Harry returned his attention to Severus to ask if he had seen it. Severus slowly raised a finger to his lips, indicating for Harry to be quiet. Biting his lip, they kept quiet a moment longer, holding their breaths.

They didn’t need to wait long before the sound of pattering feet across the stepping stones came to their ears and a very obvious attempt at a muffled giggle joined it. Harry smiled at Severus, who had his own smile quirking his lips up.

Together, they padded quietly to the door to the back garden. Severus ever so quietly opened the door and they peered out. Outside, their suspicions were confirmed.

Standing by the small pond in the middle of the garden, squatting down and facing the water, a little girl who was supposed to be cleaning up her toys stood with every ounce of her attention captured by something she had cupped in her small hand. Her wild long hair cascaded down her back, covering the flowery patterned overalls she wore. She had somehow slipped past the kitchen door to grab her sparkly pink sandals that her Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron had bought her for her birthday three months ago. They were her favourite pair of shoes.

“You’re very slimy, Mr.Gribit,” she said in her kind voice. Her head was bent as she spoke and it was evident she was trying to whisper. She hadn’t quiet gotten the hang of it yet.

Severus and Harry shared a look. Slimy? Wonderful. Harry supposed he’d be giving her a bath early today.

Whatever was in her hand seemed to try to escape, but the little girl thought it was simply falling. She shifted in her squat and moved her hands to cup it better. “Sorry,” she said to it. She lifted her head and her fathers held their breath, waiting for her to turn around and spot them. Instead, she seemed to be scanning the pond for something. “Oh,” she exclaimed as she spotted what she was looking for. “We’re going to go on a little adventure,” she told the thing in her hands. “Don’t worry, I won’t drop you,” she assured it in a very matter of fact way.

Harry smiled. She probably got that from Severus.

The thing in her hands tried making another escape as she stood. She grabbed at it again, careful not to hurt it. “Now, none of that. I won’t have you hopping about. Come on. We’ve got things to do. No dilly-dallying,” she said, and by the tone of her voice, they knew she had a little scowl on her face.

Harry brought a hand to his mouth to stop the laugh from coming out as he looked at his husband. Now THAT was all Severus.

Severus was smirking at his daughter, a look of pride in his eyes. He glanced at Harry when he felt his eyes on him and at his husband’s reaction, he responded with an unamused look. Harry grinned back. They stood and watched their daughter carefully walk around the pond’s edge towards her destination. The thing in her hand was cupped carefully so any more attempts to escape would be futile. Harry looped his arm around Severus’s and leaned his head on his Husband’s shoulder, a lovingly smile on his face as they watched on quietly.

She was babbling away to her little friend, telling it about the herbs in the garden and how it absolutely, under no condition, was allowed to go to those in the right corner with the little orange tape on it. Severus had said the exact same thing to her when he had been planting them. They were delicate and poisonous, but extremely useful ingredients.

Harry glanced up at Severus to see him nodding at her words. He started to positively radiate with pride when she started explaining what they all did and what they were most commonly used in and why.

“You see that?” the little voice asked the thing in her hands. “That’s going to be your new home.” She squatted down again and reached forward to plop it down only to find the lily pad she was aiming for was too far away. “Oh, no,” she said. She brought her cupped hands in front of her face and peered into it through the cracks of her fingers. “It’s okay. I’ve got it,” she assured it.

She shuffled forward, carefully balancing on the edge of the pond. Harry sucked in a breath. That was further than she was allowed to go. Next to him, Severus tensed slightly, and Harry could tell he was ready to jump to the rescue at the slightest sign of trouble.

“Oops,” the little voice said, watching as a little fish swam quickly in the opposite direction. “Sorry little fishie,” she sang. She reached out again for the lily pad. It was a big fat one surrounded by several smaller ones. Of course she chose that one. With a little tongue sticking out and a small frown of concentration on her face, she tried to make her arms grow to reach the Lily pad. A quiet grunt of annoyance came out of her. “Just a little further,” she whispered. She rocked forward on her tiptoes and her cupped hand finally reached the middle of the Lily pad. “There!” she smiled.

Harry and Severus watched, nervous that she was going to lose her balance but not wanting to startle her.

“Okay,” she said, and slowly opened her hands. “There you go little froggie,” she said sweetly. She angled her hands so he could do the slightest hope down. The frog eyed the lily pad and stayed put. She frowned. “Go on,” she encouraged. The frog didn’t budge. “It’s right there! That’s your new home,” she told it. It let out a little croak. She huffed at it in response. “I haven’t got all day, you know,” she said, a familiar expression on her face of thinly vailed patience. Molly wore the same one when speaking with her grandchildren when they weren’t listening. “Chop chop!” she frowned and gently shook her hand a little.

The frog simply croaked once more.

“Oi!” she said, getting mad now. “This is the best Lily Pad in the pond and I think it’s perfect for your new home. If you don’t agree then find your own one, but your last home wasn’t very nice. You almost got eated by a hawk!” she said to it, clearly trying to reason with the frog. “Now,” she said, sounding once again like Severus. “Get hopping.”

Harry bit his lip to keep from laughing as Severus’s eyes sparkled in mirth.

“Well?” she sighed in exasperation after about a second and a half of waiting. She had Harry’s patience. She tried lowering her hand to the lily pad, wondering if the little frog was too scared to make the jump.

All of a sudden, the frog jumped. But it didn’t jump onto the lily pad. It jumped right into the water. The pond water splashed out and hit her square in the eyes, blinding her for a moment. She let out a yell and lost her balance.

“LILY!” Harry and Severus yelled at the same time, rushing over to save her. Harry and Severus ran to the pond. Severus dived to grab her and Harry jumped right into the water.

It was all for nothing as Lilly opened her eyes just as she was a hairsbreadth from the pond’s surface and as she scrunched her eyes closed and braced for impact, she disappeared with a pop. She reappeared the other end of the pond, where she had been squatting before. For Harry and Severus, it happened too fast for them to realize. Harry ended up in the water first, but as there was nobody for Severus to gran as he dived, he ended up in the pond as well.

Lily opened her eyes, looking around at her surroundings in surprise just as her fathers popped up out of the water. Her eyes widened in surprise as she watched them frantically look around for her, calling her name before their eyes settled on her, perfectly dry, and watching them guiltily.

“Hi,” she mumbled, arms clasped in front of her as she took in their soaked clothes and hair.

“Lily!” Harry gasped as Severus stared in shock. “You just did magic,” Harry stated. He looked at his husband. “She just did magic.”

“It was an accident!” Lily defended herself as she watched the realization dawn on her fathers’ faces. Her fathers turned to stare at her. “I didn’t mean to,” she whined, her face crumpling and her bottom lip wobbling.

Harry’s eyes widened as he saw her eyes filled with tears. “Oh, no! Lily, no!” he said as he jumped out the water. Severus followed him. Harry rushed over to their daughter and knelt down in front of her. Lily didn’t look at him.

“I didn’t mean to,” she repeated sadly.

“We’re not mad, Lily pad,” Harry clarified, using his nickname for her. She looked up from behind long dark lashes, unsure.

“Really?” she asked. She dared a look at Severus, who was beaming at her. At the look of happiness on both her fathers’ faces, a small smile came to her face. “Did I do something good?” she chirped, her mood turned around completely.

Harry and Severus laughed.

“That was your first accidental magic,” Harry explained.

“What’s that,” Lily asked, looking at both of them.

“It’s when you get very emotional when you’re young and not in control of your magic and you accidentally do something. Hence the name,” Severus explained. “Daddy accidentally ended up on a roof once,” he told her.

Harry frowned up at him. “Of course that’s the example you use,” he said. Severus smirked.

“I did magic?” Lily smiled.

“You did,” Harry beamed.

“I’m a witch!” Lily exclaimed excitedly. Her fathers beamed at her. “I’m going to go to Hogwarts!” she said, eyes wide with realization.

“Not quite yet,” Harry smiled at her, but Lily wasn’t listening. She looked at Severus.

“Papa, can I have a frog?” she asked.

“We’ll see,” he said.

“Why aren’t I consulted on this?” Harry laughed.

“Papa makes the important decisions,” Lily responded matter of factly. Severus smirked.

“We make them together,” Harry explained gently.

“Oh.” Lily looked thoughtful. “Daddy, can I have a frog?” she asked Harry.

“We’ll see,” he said. Lily frowned. “Ask us again when you’re eleven.”

She sighed, very put upon. “Okay,” she said, with a little shake of her head.

“Now, I think papa and I need to take a shower,” Harry said, getting up and looking down at his dirty and wet clothes.

“Sounds fun,” Papa smiled at Harry, his eyes glinting.

“Showers aren’t fun, papa,” Lily explained as if talking to a child. “You can’t even bring a rubber ducky in with them! How can you play?”

Lily had many rubber ducks. Courtesy of Granddad Arthur.

“Don’t you have toys to clean up, young lady?” Harry asked.

Lily sighed. “Okay,” she conceded. As she walked back inside, she held up a little hand, her index finger up as she made a declaration. “I shall name my frog Gribert.”

Harry and Severus shared an amused look as she disappeared inside.

Severus wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist and pulled him back against him. “So, about that shower?”

“But what about the rubber ducks?” Harry asked innocently.

Severus put his lips against his husband’s ear. “We have our own toys,” he whispered in a low voice.

Harry grinned.

#snarry #snarry imagine #fanfic #pro snape #severus snape #snapedom #sevharry #Prompted to Love updated on AO3 too

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nadiaamartinez-blog1 · 6 years ago

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Character Information

Full Name. Nadia Emiliana Martinez

Age & Birthday. 26. July 27th.

Gender Identity. CisFemale

Preferred Pronouns. She/Her

Romantic Orientation. Pansexual

Sexual Orientation. Panromantic

Hometown. Lemon Grove

Neighborhood. The Junction

Family Information *

Mother. Consuelo Alvarez-Garcia (birth mother)/Stefanie Martinez (adoptive mother

Father. Emilio Alvarez (birth father)/David Martinez (Adoptive father)

Siblings. TBA Martinez sibling #1, TBA Martinez sibling #2.

Pets. A pup named Coco.

Other Family Members of Importance. None at the moment!

Please describe your character’s family dynamics. Nadia is very close with her family. She loves her parents and her siblings beyond anything else, and would do anything for them.

Personality Information

Positive Traits. alluring, passionate, determined, charismatic, confident

Negative Traits. flirtatious, jealous, obsessive, arrogant, reckless

Star Sign. Leo

Likes. pink wine, red lipstick, handbags, shoes, crystals, taking long baths, full moons, catching the perfect candid, body positivity, classic rock

Dislikes. insecurity, bigotry, hatred, prejudice, racism, “conventional” beauty, relish, pork, most vegetables

Pet Peeves. internet trolls, flat tummy teas, fake people

Most Embarrassing Memory. Nadia had a big bed-wetting phase, and one time she wet the bed during naptime in kindergarten.

Hobbies. Drawing, painting, photography, boxing, concerts/musical festivals

Guilty Pleasure. Peanut butter dipped Oreos, chocolate lava cake, wine, bath bombs, candles, crystals

Unusual Talents. Nadia can say any word backwards.

Habits. Taking selfies, posing even when there’s no camera, carrying 39 lipsticks in her enormous purse at any given time.

Occupation/Schooling Information

If your character is currently employed:

Occupation. Model/Makeup Artist

Place of Work. Self-Employed

Character Development

Plans for Development.

CAREER MOVES: Right now, Nadia is in the “funemployed” sector of life. She is self employed through her YouTube channel, blog, and Instagram pictures, and she works as a model, but I’d like to see her make bigger steps with makeup, whether she becomes a salesgirl at a department store, starts creating her own product, or launches her own brand.

LOVE IS HERE TO STAY: I hate posting this as a plot development because I’m never someone who relies on shipping to keep me going in a group, but I think it would be nice for Nadia to find someone she really hits it off with and who will treat her right, since her last and only major relationship ended up in major flames.

SEXUALITY: Nadia is pansexual but I’d like her to lean towards women. The only relationship she’s ever been in was with a man, so I’d like her to explore her sexuality and reclaim her confidence in that regard.

SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL GIRL GANG: Nadia is a fierce, strong independent woman, and I’d like for her to surround herself with other fierce, strong, independent women who will lift each other up and support each other.

Other.

SKYLAR BAUTISTA: Nadia’s abusive ex-boyfriend, who is currently in prison. They met and formed their relationship when they both were in art school. Skylar dabbled in painting but his forte was sculpture. As two incredibly talented artists, they were often put in competition with each other which started out as a sexy tension thing for them before Skylar showed his true colors. They lived together for two years before Nadia’s parents pulled her out of his abusive cycle, and now he’s in jail where he belongs. Boy bye.

Character Biography

ABUSE TW

Nadia Emiliana Martinez couldn’t tell you much about her birth parents, or about her life before the accident. The road was icy and visibility was poor, so when Emilio Alvarez spun off the road, he and his wife were without a seatbelt. Only Nadia, strapped into the backseat, was left with minimal scratches, but a scar that resides on her scalp from blunt-force trauma to the head. While it was unclear if she was going to make it, she did, and with no other family to claim her, she was put into the foster system. There were two times when she was almost adopted, but things ended up not working out. Nadia felt like she was a used car or a puppy that nobody wanted, and the older she got, the more clear it was to her that she would be without a family until she was eighteen years old, and would be truly alone in the world.

All throughout her life, she’d been attracted to drawing, painting, and photography. Anything she could get her hands on immediately became something to create. Nadia had nothing and made a habit out of stealing supplies from the art room until one day she was caught by the art teacher who gave her an entire box set of colored pencils, paper, and paints. Nadia broke down into tears that day, and she treasured every single one of those supplies until she used them all up. The only solace she found was in painting, taking the beautiful images she saw in her brain and putting them on paper.

Nadia stayed in the foster system until she was an extremely opinionated fifteen-year-old girl, where she was taken in by David and Stefanie Martinez. Nadia didn’t know what to make of her new family, especially since she was waiting for the day that she was brought back to foster care. Nadia’s birthday came up almost two weeks after she was adopted, and she burst into tears yet again when she opened up a beautiful vintage camera in perfect working order. Then, Nadia knew she’d found her forever home and her forever family. This was the only reason why she didn’t want to leave Lemon Grove when it came time for Nadia to apply for college. She had just found her people, and going far away from them didn’t stack up in the cards, so Nadia went to the Miami Fine Arts Academy less than an hour away.

It was in college that she met Skylar, someone who was going to become a huge part of her life in a very short way. Even though Nadia was far from an impressionable eighteen-year-old, Skylar played her hook, line, and sinker. Nadia didn’t realize the true chaos that lay within him until her confidence was shattered. He was also an artist, and they were frequently in competition with each other. At first, it was a healthy competition, something that got their engines revving, but Nadia quickly became to blame whenever she had her paintings win a contest. As they got older, it got worse. If Nadia and Skylar’s paintings were both in a gallery and Nadia’s sold first, she was expected to give him the money. Sex, which Nadia had first enjoyed, became a chore and something to dread, and Nadia quickly realized she didn’t like having it with him anymore. The man she thought she loved was gone, and everything between them had become toxic.

Nadia’s parents were worried as their vivacious girl retreated more and more into her shell. She was too scared to talk to anyone about her treatment. Things came to a breaking point when Skylar hit her. That was when the pattern started-- he’d hit her, apologize, take her to a fancy dinner and buy her beautiful clothes, and then he’d hit her again. He forced her to wear a full face of makeup all the time, to the point where Nadia would wake up two hours early to cover up the bruises all over her face and body. She got great at doing makeup.

Eventually, things came to a breaking point, and after a surprise visit from her parents, they immediately took her home. Skylar soon followed, and things got heated in an argument between David and Skylar. Eventually, the police were called, Skylar was arrested for domestic abuse, and sent to prison. Free from her cage, Nadia is slowly getting back into what she loves most: painting, art, and photography. She works as a model in Miami but also has a popular YouTube channel where she posts unboxing videos, makeup tutorials, BTS of her photoshoots, and frequently participates in the “4 Photographers Shoot The Same Model” series. She’s happy, she’s home, and she’s thriving, which is the most important thing she can be.

#cchq:apply

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taz-writes · 7 years ago

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Feilan: Chapter 1 Excerpt

Since Feilan’s been getting a decent amount of attention lately, I figured it was time to post another excerpt! This is from the unfinished third draft of book 1, which is waiting patiently for my return once I’m done with the rough version of 4.

I’ve sadly lost my list of people who asked to be tagged in fairy stuff, so if you were one of those people, please do let me know... I am tagging @jade-island-lives for encouraging me to post this, though. Also @pumapauus @stellarscribe @maplemoose because you guys cannot hide from me forever, you’ll have to read my books eventually, if need be I will wait until I meet up with yall IRL and physically hit you with my printed manuscripts.

Without further ado, I present: the first half of chapter 1!

1: Sayara

My favorite part of the Tsi Palace was always the library—it was a treasure trove of ancient knowledge and secrets, what’s not to love? When I was little, I’d spend hours in there, roaming through towering stacks of books and skipping between the columns of rainbow light that crept in through the stained-glass windows. No matter how chaotic the rest of the building was, being the center of the capitol of one of the largest tribes in Feilan and all, the library was always beautifully serene.

The serenity evaporated when I sprinted straight through the grand double doors at full tilt, skidding to a dusty halt just past the attendant’s desk. It was beautiful, incredible, until my foot went flying out from under me. I slammed butt-first into the fancy Cydre rug, slid, and plowed directly into the legs of the library attendant.

“Sayara?!” he exclaimed, catching himself on the corner of the desk as I dragged myself onto my feet and wheezed.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I—”

“Good. All according to plan,” I gasped, clutching at a stitch in my side. “Nobody knows I’m here. And say hi to your brother for me!!” He rolled his eyes and straightened his jacket.

“Try not to knock over any students today.”

“Good chat, gotta go!!” I brushed library dust off of my scuffed-up breeches, before making a mad dash into the stacks.

“Sayara! I mean it, young lady, get back here!!” My governess’s strident voice rang through the atrium, and I sped up, holding back peals of lunatic laughter and jumping onto the nearest ladder.

The ceilings in here were high, but not quite high enough for proper flight, probably to discourage people like me from practicing their barrel rolls through the stacks. Once I reached the top of the ladder, I scrambled on top of the nearest shelf, but then I was stuck. I’d have to wait for one of the drifter cases to float by, or just crawl. I could see the governess now—Lady Brennadine loved manners, until it was time to chase me through the palace, at which point she abandoned them completely in favor of clenched fists and shouting.

I hesitated. I could jump, but I was too much of a klutz to land well. If I ran, I’d hit my head and fall, and then I’d crash into the academy students and I really didn’t want to hurt anybody. I was more agile than Brennadine, probably, since I was younger and smaller and I worked out sometimes instead of sitting around being mean to children, and I didn’t want to get in trouble but I could keep going, but…well, she was up the ladder.

“Down. Now.” Brennadine snapped her fingers, and I tried to crawl away along the top of the shelf, but my shoelace got snagged on a corner. I didn’t feel the resistance until I’d already stumbled and yanked myself over the side of the shelf.

I yelped, scrabbling at the books to catch myself, and knocked an entire row of encyclopedias away with me.

Brennadine’s hand came out of nowhere, and I grabbed on for dear life, and then everything stopped around me.

“How many times have we talked about this, again?” she reprimanded, clearly short of breath. Her eyes gleamed with magic. I would’ve shrugged, but I was too busy clinging to her unbelievably sweaty arm. “We—do not—climb—on top of the stacks.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled, swinging my legs towards the shelf. I missed, kicking over more books, but there was a solid surface to land on when I swung back.

“She saw you enter,” the library attendant said, plucking a floating book out of the air and settling it back into place. “Oh, and Daevin says thanks. I hope you weren’t helping him cheat again.”

“It’s not cheating, it’s entrepreneurial studying.” I climbed down to ground level, firmly avoiding eye contact with Brennadine as she reassembled the library in a mist of teal-green telekinesis. She wouldn’t look at me, either.

If she wasn’t looking at me, then I had an opportunity, and I definitely wanted to get out of whatever stupid thing she wanted to waste my day off on. I took a few slow steps backwards, testing for a reaction. Nobody moved, so I backed away further. When I hit the next shelf, I broke into a run.

A stray book swung into the backs of my knees, tripping me. “Don’t,” Brennadine growled, replacing the book with a flick of her wrist. The library assistant had taken over the task of sorting through everything I’d knocked over. I laughed nervously.

“Sorry, but I think I need to study for that geometry test yesterday, since you told me to, so I’ll just—”

“Sayara.” Brennadine laid a hand on my shoulder, and I grimaced. “You need to behave with more grace.”

“I’ve got grace!”

“Is that so?” Brennadine raised her eyebrows, throwing a glance back towards the wreckage of the bookshelves.

“Well, unlike you, at least I wore pants today.”

“What? I’m wearing—SAYARA!!” Brennadine let go of me for an instant, checking her trousers, and I made a break for the exit. The doors slammed shut in front of me.

“Quiet in the library,” the attendant remarked from the stacks.

“Whatever you think I did, I didn’t!” I leaned up against the doors, swallowing reflexive, manic laughter. Brennadine pinched the bridge of her nose, visibly exhausted.

“This isn’t an accusation,” she said wearily. “This has nothing to do with whatever half-baked scheme you’ve worked out with the kitchen maids’ children.”

“Do you have a problem with the maids’ kids?” I asked. “Because they’re fun. More fun than anyone Hope talks to, and they know a lot, too--”

“Your sister is making social connections for the sake of her future career and kingdom. You should try it.”

I cleared my throat. “What do you want? It’s my day off, I don’t have any tutoring today.”

“Your father wants you to accompany him this afternoon,” Brennadine said, grimacing and preening her fingernails.

“Isn’t he busy?”

“Yes, Sayara, and he’s decided at far too late a moment that he wants you to accompany himself and your sister. Really, something so spur-of-the-moment—”

“What? Accompany him for what?”

“We’re disturbing the library,” Brennadine huffed, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me out into the corridor. “Sayara. Today is Kyvesse 14.”

“…Yes?”

“Sayara, have you been neglecting your politics lessons? You told me you had a passion for this, are you going to prove yourself wrong?”

“Why do you only use my name when you’re lecturing me?”

“You should know what’s going on this afternoon.”

“Um….” I was drawing a total blank. “There’s a…thing?” Brennadine stopped in her tracks, and I walked into her by accident, stumbling. “What?”

Brennadine didn’t answer. Instead, she leaned heavily against the wall, her head thumping against the wallpaper.

“There’s a thing. A thing.”

“Well, there is,” I confirmed, wracking my brains for any memory of whatever had Brennadine so worked up. She sucked in a long, nasal breath, and then exploded.

“The Convention of Tribes! Today is the Convention of Tribes, and your father, the Tsi King, is extending you a spur-of-the-moment invitation! A thing, this is only the most important national political event of the year—no one would normally dream of bringing their children of questionable origins along, but you’re going to be an exception. It’s fairly important!”

“Wait, you want me to come to the Convention??” I blurted out, a little too loud. “But that’s…”

“Ridiculously last-minute and ill-advised and going to threaten the fabric of the entire situation, yes. Four’s sake, child...”

“…I was going to say soon. Doesn’t it always start at noon?” I didn’t know exactly what time it was, but it sure wasn’t early, and the site of the Convention was a few hours away.

“I’ve been chasing you through the castle for two hours!” Brennadine said.

“I’ve only been running for a few minutes, though.”

“I want you dressed in your best suit and ready to leave in twenty minutes. Go.”

“But that’s barely any time at all!”

“You would’ve had more, if you’d listened to me instead of running off on a grand chase through the castle all morning,” Brennadine snapped. “Go.”

#taz talks #feilan #sayara #fantasy #writeblr #general tags added b/c i crave validation but am too much of a coward to directly tag anyone who hasn't asked me to

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bryanastar · 4 years ago

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How I (Accidentally) Write About Dark Subject Matter: Rough & Tumble Ramblings (Bonus Post)

I don’t like writing content warnings, not because I’m one of those losers that think they aren’t needed (because, believe me, they definitely are) but because it means I have to step back from my work and think about what the hell I just wrote. Now, in my teen writer eyes, there is nothing more embarrassing than thinking back to what you wrote and realizing that you need five different content warnings to fully prepare the reader for your work, and also remembering that you’re barely a rising Junior in high school. I end up having an out of body experience where I see myself and my work as a long and beleaguered r/I’m14andthisisdeep post, and it can make it hard to read back over my work to edit and submit.

Not that there’s anything wrong with darker subject matter. In fact, some of my favorite work to read contains some particular dark and disturbing content. But when you’re a young writer trying to submit your stuff, it can feel… a bit embarrassing. You feel like the stereotypical edgelord teen writing about edgy stuff for the sake of making the adults cry with your edgy edge.

The thing is, I don’t even intend to write about dark subject material ninety-nine percent of the time. It’s just a natural consequence of my intuitive (and rather impulsive) writing process.

I feel that—when it comes to writing about heavier content as a teen writer—there are two types of people: the ones who write about dark content on purpose, and the ones who write it by accident.

I think @shaelinwrites said it best when she wrote in a blog post that teens are often attracted to darker subject matter due to being at the age where we realize that the world is a far darker and scarier place than what we saw as children. Writing, therefore, is the safest way to explore this newfound knowledge and come to terms with it. This is why young writers who write dark subject matter on purpose do it.

But some, like me, do it on accident.

Let me explain. So I’m rather sheltered, as I suspect a lot of teen writers are. I’m not exactly the most world-weary person, despite knowing that the world is, objectively, pretty screwed up. Due to this, I can often add, on accident, some pretty screwed up material just for not thinking it through deeply enough.

For example, here was was my general thought process for my short story “Judith was Never Adopted”, a story that is, objectively, a about a young teenage girl getting left behind in the foster care system due to going through puberty and not being “adorable” any more, getting sexualized while in puberty, getting forcibly married to an older guy who sees her as an object, all the while desperately trying to reclaim the childhood she’s lost and feeling lied to by all the media that claimed that she’d have a lovely and charmed life after being adopted by rich and happy parents (also, spoilers):

“Gee, isn’t it funny that orphan girls in children’s books are often adopted by nice, rich families and get whole musicals dedicated to them, while orphans in YA and Wattpad books are often paired up with the older, assholic, ‘bad boy’ and probably have their lives ruined?”

“Wait… that’s a cool idea for a story!”

“How do I make the villain as awful as possible…? I know! He’s a twenty year-old gangster who has no scruples when it comes to hitting on teenagers, and he also has no problem with busting the kneecaps of literal orphans! That’ll really emphasize how crappy he is!”

“Why did the main character never come back for Judith? Uh… he was in the Iraq War? But why would he willingly join that conflict? Oh right! To pay for college! And he loses an arm, because the war has to have some consequence.”

“But why doesn’t he go to find her when he gets back? Well, uh, his foster mother is dead and his foster siblings are gone, so he has bigger crap to worry about first cause now he’s homeless. Also, the gangster left the city anyway and took Judith with him, and nobody really knows where they went.”

“There! Now to look over the draft! Wait… what the fuck have I written?!”

If this all sounds thoughtless… it’s because it is. To be fair to me, I usually realize pretty quickly that what I’m writing is dark and messed up (by, like, the second paragraph of this story, I really thought long and hard about it’s concept and went “oh shit”).

From there, I usually try my best to do right by the themes and concepts I accidentally introduced, mostly because it’s content that usually gets glossed over in other books that include it, or that is otherwise even romanticized! In fact, it’s anger at these storylines and characters not being treated well that usually inspires me to write the story in the first place!

I’d actually say I did a pretty decent job with this story considering that the first magazine I submitted it to accepted it a day later and praised the piece for its “insights into the psyches and circumstances of foster children.” And this was an adult-run magazine too—with adult contributors with MFAs in creative writing that should be able to write circles around me and my story ideas! They had no reason to be more forgiving of my piece just because I was a young writer! They had plenty of adult ones to pick from!

So yeah, I can be pretty blind to my own story’s content until it’s time to write, at which point I usually stubbornly try to stick with it. Part this is, again, just because I’m sheltered, but I think another reason I do this is because, like I mentioned earlier, I write about stuff that is usually conveniently ignored or downplayed in other works—especially children’s stories.

To give an example, let’s look at one of my favorite childhood movies: Matilda. Objectively, the plot of Matilda is about a severely neglected and abused kindergartener overcoming her abusive family with her equally abused and traumatized teacher, all the while forming a tiny found family with said teacher and moving on from their dark pasts together. Remove the magic and this isn’t a children’s movie; it’s a litfic novel that I know at least one person on this goddamn hell site it writing (not that that’s a bad thing).

Part of the, I guess, novelty of the work that I write is that I enjoy writing about tropes commonly found in children’s stories and contrasting them with I see as toxic or harmful tropes found in works for older teens. As a person who basically went straight from reading children’s literature to adult litfic, I’m fascinated (and somewhat horrified) by the difference in themes and ideas presented to children versus older teens—especially since those same themes and tropes seen in children’s fiction seem to bizarrely reappear in work aimed toward adults (A Man Called Ove is basically UP but without the magic—change my mind). The main difference between how adult fiction treats these subjects and how children’s fiction treats them is that adult fiction fully shines a light on how messed up these subjects are, while you can get away with writing about literal Nazis and genocide in children’s fiction (*cough* Avatar the Last Airbender *cough*) and have no one think it’s too dark or try to tone it down.

Due to this, I think I’ve already been conditioned to not see these subjects to be as bad as they really are, until I sit down to write about them and start to think about them more deeply! Looking back, I’m sure I could’ve written about the subjects outlined in my short story in a way that’s conducive to children’s fiction. Heck, you already have some of the base tropes: over-the-top villain, sad wittle orphans, and deep childhood friendships. Written in another way, I could’ve been the next Roald Dahl!

I’d also like to point out that I have nothing against these themes being explored in literature for younger audiences—in fact I think it’s necessary to teach children about these issues early. But I do think how we perceive certain media to be “kid-friendly” can cause us to forget how deep and nuanced the content in this “kid-friendly” media usually is, mostly due to much of the content having to be toned down as to not scar younger audiences (which is also important). The problem isn’t that this media is included; the problem is that we can sometimes forget how important these issues really are because they’re such common tropes in children’s fiction, which is a great disservice both to these issues and to the stories that include them!

This is also an issue present in YA media, but in a different way as some of toned down issues present in YA are executed in such a way that is actively harmful to teenagers (from the abusive and controlling “bad boy”, to the toxic “not like other girls” character that disparages femininity and promotes competition rather than support among girls). These are my favorite tropes to explore and tear apart in my own work because, when not viewed through a glorified or romanticized lens, they can actually form extremely compelling fiction due to the fallout caused to surrounding characters who have to deal with the bull these tropes and characters cause.

Of course, playing these tropes for what they are tends to lead to darker fiction by consequence, but, due to so many of these tropes being ironically extremely present in children’s and YA literature, many teens that aren’t myself also end writing about them because, really, they’re just writing what they know. This is how an entire generation of teen writers, including myself, ends up writing about content far darker than they realize by accident. We’ve been reading about these subjects for a long time, and now we’re just copying from the masters.

Wow, that was a long rant. Was any of it sensical? I don’t really know, but I still enjoyed writing it!

That’s all for now! See you next Tuesday for your regularly scheduled writing update!

#rant #essay #teen writer #young writer #creative writing #writeblr #writblr #bonus post

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iwatchedyougoinghomeeveryday · 4 years ago

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Gonna make good use of Tumblr and write a post about my trauma!!!

tw: death, depression

It’s 3:00 am and I’m just gonna dive in... there’s no denying that everyone has had a difficult year and in a way that makes me feel better and worse? Even though I wish I could take away everyone’s pain... better because I know people can relate. Worse because I feel guilty when I go on and on in my head about the unfairness of it all when I know others are dealing with things far more overwhelming and traumatic. Still... these past two years have made me feel numb in a way I could not have predicted.

I never, ever wanted time to move forward. As a child I questioned why everyone wanted to grow up and resisted the changes in my life. I felt wiser and also lonelier with the perspective that time passing meant taking steps closer to an inevitable end. I never thought about myself - I was fortunate enough to not have to question my own mortality - but I worried endlessly about my loved ones. I felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop - everyone around me was well and I had never experienced major loss before. Things had to end. So while everyone was actually healthy and present, I was spending time panicking about the future. Worrying that it would be the last time I saw somebody or picturing the day when I got that big, bad news. Sometimes it was too painful to even imagine - I simply couldn’t picture it - but I’d torment myself with the thought anyway.

All of this to say... I’ve been so nihilistic. That might be dramatic, but it’s how I’ve felt, especially since I entered this depression episode seven years ago. I don’t think it was a coincidence that my depression got bad my junior year in high school when everyone was excitedly planning for the future. I didn’t care about school or jobs or anything superficial - I just cared about my family being alive. And couldn’t everyone see how pointless the other stuff was? It was a distraction, or worse, an endless routine with a predictable end. I hated it.

I haven’t done any of that stuff - there’s nothing I want from the future. I think if I had a dream or passion, I would accept it as a distraction, a goal to alleviate some of that darkness. But I genuinely don’t want anything. And that’s a whole other story, but it’s where I’ve been stuck these past five years - telling myself that if my family was secure and my mental health was better, then the rest would fall into place. That never happened - the other shoe dropped.

Here was my family: my mother, my sister, my grandmother and grandfather, my aunt, my four cats. Those were my people - my tiny circle of people that I held closely. A few months out of school... I found out one of my cats had cancer. I got him when I was seven. (I pretty much got all my cats when I was seven/eight.) He was my best friend and, after eight months, I lost him. And that broke me a bit. I drove myself crazy that year (2016) with worry and my OCD - that was my worst year with anxiety. I spent so much energy caring for him then suddenly... nothing. I feel like I can’t properly express how much my cats meant to me. They were all my best friends, really. They were always there and I understood them so deeply and I felt so responsible for them - it was unwavering. When I was ten, and dealing with my aforementioned fear of death, I remember thinking that they were “it” for me - they would be gone one day but I vowed they were the only pets I was ever going to have. It was the only thing that was right and fair.

Flashforward a year and half from my cat dying... my aunt’s boyfriend died from a heart attack. Sudden, no warning - just get the call that he’s gone. And even though it wasn’t official, he was like an uncle to my sister and I. He’d been in our lives for over ten years. It was difficult to categorize or even comprehend this loss. But I consider this the start of everything going to heck. Something happened at the end of 2018 that I can’t even talk about because it’s too painful and sensitive, but it was one more major trauma.

Early 2019... another one of my cats died from a random attack. We let him onto our back porch for the morning - we have a fenced backyard and he just liked to sit on the porch - and there was a stray cat that had gotten inside and attacked him. Just like that, two days later, he was gone. Once again having to accept a sudden and senseless death. Leading to August 2019, two days after my birthday, my grandfather fell from his porch steps, hit his head, and died. Just like that. Nobody got to even say goodbye or see him because my grandmother was visiting my mother, sister, and I for my birthday. Only took us two hours to drive there and in that time he was gone. Two hours to worry about my grandfather, who was in great health, then just accepting that he was dead. This was the biggest, most awful thing to happen to my family. I still haven’t coped with it.

Didn’t even mention that in 2018 I found out that another one of my cats had kidney disease. He was second closest to me when my other cat was alive, but in his absence, my bond with him was stronger than I had with any of my cats. Stronger than I had with most people, tbh. He was needy and around me 24/7 - he really only loved me. And I couldn’t fathom losing him. There were ups-and-downs, but he was doing good with his fluid treatments. Then November 2019, because I was so intuitive with him, I got the feeling that he was getting sick and for real this time. He was only eating just a little bit less than usual, but I knew. Just a look in his eye... I knew. And this really sent me on the deep end. November 2019 my depression deepened when I realized that a year from that date, I might not have my two cats, or my grandmother, or who knows who else. This was not some faraway fear - this was real. I was actually living in the time that I feared. I was there. So badly I wished 2020 didn’t have to exist. (God, if I only knew what was to come.)

I was a basket case November and December as I watched my cat slowly get worse. On top of this, my mom was feeling ill and she went to the doctor several times with no explanation for her pain. That sickened me - I had pictured losing so many people, but I couldn’t picture losing my mom. It was too big, too life-shattering. She was superwoman, invincible. And now I had to consider that, too. She thankfully started feeling better, but my cat got worse. I was lucky if I got any sleep or ate anything during last January. At the end of the month he passed away and, out of everything I have experienced, that destroyed me the most. He was like my child - I was supposed to protect him. And instead I watched him suffer. I’ve now lost people close to me and I know it sounds bad, but losing my cat was the worst.

But guess what - trauma is not over! Exactly one month from my cat dying... I witnessed a fatal car accident. Directly in front of me. Never even seen an accident before - not even a fender bender - and this one was fatal. It was unnerving because the actual collision didn’t seem that bad, but suddenly there was an unconscious old woman laying in the road. I didn’t see it happen - thank God - but I’m assuming she was ejected from her car because she was not wearing a seatbelt. I called 911 - first time doing that, too - and watched as she lay there and all I could think was that I was on the opposite side of what happened with my grandfather, six months ago. He had a fatal head injury and we got the call and got to the hospital to get the news that he died. Some family was going to have that same experience. That messed me up. In so many ways. I don’t have my license because I am scared of driving - now I’m scared to ride in cars. I had nightmares for months. This accident never made the news, which actually made me angry because it felt like something that happened and was immediately forgotten about. I obsessively wondered about the family and victim. The accident happened at the entrance to the library - my one safe place. I volunteered there every week before covid. I only got the chance to go two times before everything shut down in March, but I had to drive by the place where it happened and when I was in the library I tensed and panicked every time I heard an ambulance. It was awful.

July 2020 - I lost the last of my kitties. Fifteen years of taking care of them, loving them... I really didn’t know how to exist without them. We didn’t have any closure on this cat’s death, either. Never knew exactly what was wrong. But I was so numb at this point - my whole view shifted. I just didn’t want anyone to suffer anymore. So losing her was numbing - she was gone, but she didn’t suffer like my last kitty. Numb numb numb numb numb.

Then Thanksgiving... this news would’ve absolutely destroyed me a few years ago. Right now I can’t comprehend it. I’ve been expecting the worst anyway. We found out my grandmother has cancer and is already in the final stages. That damn theme again... no warning. She went into the hospital for another reason, leaves learning that she has three cancerous areas. And I see her at Thanksgiving and all hope is gone... I see the effect on her. Because I’m robotically dealing with grief now, I tell myself that I don’t expect her to live to 2021. I saw her end of October - she seemed fine. If she can go from fine to awful in three weeks, then I expect the same for her passing. And it is so selfish, but I do not want to see it. I do not want her to get any worse. She had a biopsy and she gets results tomorrow. I already know it will be the worst case scenario. Everyone, especially now, says to appreciate the small things, make the moments matter because you don’t know how many you have left. BS. I just want it to be over. I don’t want the in-between - there’s nothing to appreciate. Losing my grandmother... that’s unfathomable. I love everyone in my family, but it’s always been me, my mom, my sister, and my grandmother who has been the closest. My family couldn’t function without my grandfather. I don’t know how we go on without my grandmother. It doesn’t matter what news she gets from the doctor tomorrow. One month is the timeframe I am giving myself. It is cold and calculating to think, but that’s what I expect. And I’m so used to people dying suddenly... there’s nothing romantic about last moments and words. I don’t want them. Maybe I’d regret that in the future, but right now, it’s how I cope.

This is not even mentioning that my mother has always had SO much stress and trauma in her own life and this past year I have noticed it take a huge toll on her. I’m worried about her health - physically and mentally. She’s seemed different this year - I can’t blame her, but I don’t know what to do. And my sister’s mental health is always so fragile, and her relationship with my mother is awful - I feel like I’ve lost them, too. It’s not hopeless, but I’ve been trying to fix things and they don’t improve. And I know my grandmother’s passing will affect them most of all - she’s my mother’s mother, after all, and my sister has always loved my grandmother the most. She has unconditional love for her, a love I wish she extended to us but I was always glad she had that relationship with my grandmother. We’re going to be completely broken.

So now I’m submerged in that future - I’ve lost all four of my cats, my grandfather, my grandmother soon. My mom and sister are all I’ve got, and that would be reassurance if I wasn’t so worried about them, too. If sixteen-year-old me couldn’t see a favorable future... you can imagine how helpless I feel now.

#ma post #life #my cats #i don't even want to tag my old tags i remember using because it will hurt to go back and see the posts #this was a really long depressing post but i just wanted to write everything out #since tomorrow is going to hurt like hell #i don't even want to go to sleep because that means i will have to wake up #that's emo but true #well #i'm glad i'm allowing myself to be truly depressing on my blog #back in high school i just masqueraded it as smaller problems #like school stuff getting me down #no savanah you are depressed!!

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