#Also if anything I've said here is Wrong in some way or comes across ignorant in and of itself. Let me know

[remiivu]

Ghostly Companion- Chapter 1

Link on Ao3! Currently rated Teen but may go up to Mature/Explicit

Masterlist Next Chapter -->

A Mr. Crawling x Reader fic (that may expand into a series!)

This is the first time that I've written anything like this in the past 5 years, so give me some slack if it's bad or cringey lol (also the first fic on Tumblr!)

Set in the ending (and series of events) where you take him home! I've done a few playthroughs so some parts may not be fully accurate, but I'll do my best!

No warnings-- just some minor cursing here and there. 1.8k words!

Enjoy!

 Note: Words in italics are in the ghost language. The blocks represent words reader doesn't understand.

You…

Honestly, you weren’t quite sure what happened these past 24 hours. Half of your now fully-conscious brain had settled on this being some sort of twisted hallucination you experienced after inhaling the noxious spores from some weird mushroom during your bravery challenge. But, the other, half-insane half-sane side of your mind simply cannot deny the manifestation of your nightmares sitting right across from you, a sharp smile stretching from ear to ear and a mop of strangely neat black hair swallowing its figure.

It? He? That, too, was something you didn’t know. Hell, the thing never stood up, and the noises that creaked from its throat were far from human.

But… It was nice. It helped you. It followed you, shielded you, and the pure, radiant happiness it exuded when you proposed, in broken ghostly-language, for it to join you hardly came across as malicious or non-sentient. It had feelings, and while some parts were… wrong, surely, it was owed some sort of humanity, you reasoned.

And so, it became a he, and then a Mr. Crawling-- the highlight of your creativity, truly. You doubted he understood the significance of the slightly different noises coming out of your mouth as you called to him, but still, it was the least you could do.

“... not… go?” He asked, head tilted as he sat patiently on the ground, lanky grayed limbs bent awkwardly into some mix between a w-shape and a regular sitting position. You think he said something else as well, but honestly, you were exhausted, and you hadn’t really had much time to truly learn his language.

“...” You sighed again, looking at him, then your surroundings. You had popped out right where you had started– or somewhere near it, at least, as you recognized the spooky decorations nailed and wrapped around trees. You were back in the forest you had entered before being sucked into… something. At least the light rain had stopped, leaving damp soil and the smell of petrichor to fill your senses instead of the… yeah.

Well, besides, you had nothing on you. Right– it was all in your bag that, for some reason, wasn’t brought alongside the rest of you.

“Need…” you paused, hesitating. How did you say bag? Scrounging through all the corners of your mind left you with a blank, and you searched for the next best thing.

Which would be bucket. Fuck.

Mr. Crawling tilted his head the other way, mouth flattening slightly in what you presume to be confusion. “You… ∎∎∎” he uttered something that didn’t spark a single click of recognition in your brain. “∎∎∎… ∎∎∎. ∎∎∎∎∎∎. Help?” 

You gave one nod. “Yeah, help. Uhm… bucket… “ You made the attempt of drawing out what it looked like in the dirt while ignoring the small amount of embarrassment that rose in your chest at your horrific attempt to communicate.

You jabbed at the middle of the drawing of your rather simple bag. “Uh- blood.” You muttered, figuring it was the closest thing to whatever the actual word for red was.

Mr. Crawling frowned a bit, then chirped a “Me help you ∎∎∎ bucket! ∎∎∎ ∎∎∎∎?” With a much more pleasant smile. 

You nodded, “Yeah, thanks. Ok, so… I guess we’ll split up?”

Mr. Crawling stared blankly with that dopey smile and you sighed, standing up. You felt a little bad for making a… disabled ghost? Yeah, a disabled ghost do some of the work. Shoeless and possibly pant-less

Damn. You’ve stooped down low these past few hours.

_____________________________

Honestly, you were surprised at just how efficient a disabled ghost was when left in the dark, blind, and in an environment he’s never been in before. Just as you were about to give up and start heading back into civilization, you heard a gleeful, familiar bone-chilling giggle followed by “Me ∎∎∎ bucket blood!”

Your head shoots up, “You did?!” As you rushed off to the bushes where he had wandered off. 

You let out a sigh of relief as you spotted the familiar bag, grabbing it from Mr. Crawling’s hands. “Thank you,” you smiled, weary but grateful, as Mr. Crawling giggled once again.

“Happy! Happy!” He said, reaching out to pat your head again.

You found yourself letting out a small laugh as well at the unusually tender action, giving your bag a quick once-over to confirm everything was there. When you spotted your phone, you quickly tapped on the screen, letting out a quick breath of relief as it lights up only for it to immediately be followed by a small wince.

Over 50 missed calls and 100 messages… yikes. And with a glance at the time and date, you understood why. Turns out, your sense of time was rather accurate– it had been just over a day since your disappeared.

“Hurt? You hurt?” Mr. Crawling asked, leaning in close to do his ghost-equivalent of looking. Honestly, you can’t be bothered to question why, how, or even what he’s seeing when all you’ve noticed on his face was a deep red wound in place of his eyes. 

“No,” You shake your head. “Uhm. It’s, uhm, humans. Humans worry… no– me worry humans.” You explained the best you could, standing up again. Mr. Crawling looks up, confused. 

“You safe.” He says, crawling towards you rather slowly. “Humans ∎∎∎?” 

You shake your head. “Go together with me.” You say with a bit of force. The desire to get home and in bed overshadows much of anything else that could run through your mind.

Mr. Crawling, however, doesn’t seem to mind your curtness, breaking out into another small fit of uncanny giggles as he follows after you, letting out a small mantra of “Together together together together!”

With half fondness and half exasperation, you trudge on with a smile, feeling like this experience was more akin to a person walking their dog rather than a human leading a ghost to their home. Which… you choose to think about another day. You really, really don’t want to contemplate any more images of your death.

You were so tired.

But, after nearly half an hour of much slower-than typical walking, your patience was wearing thin.

As it turns out, disabled ghosts walk– crawl much slower on slippery, uneven terrain than their familiar concrete floors. You’ve had to slow significantly so that Mr. Crawling wouldn’t get too tangled up in roots and rocks, and a part of you worried for the safety of his bare legs, but every passing glance resulted in a tiny glimpse of smooth, unharmed skin. You assume he was taking extra care to ensure he doesn’t get hurt.

But, still, every passing hour drains your phone’s limited battery and therefore your limited ability to navigate through whatever area of the city you wind up in upon exiting the mountains. You really couldn’t afford to keep slowing down or to risk losing your understanding of where to walk by circling around roots and trees. They had passed most of the decorations by now, leaving only trees and the very faint noise of any rare passing cars.

Eventually, you kneel back down, waving at him to get his attention. “Mr. Crawling.” You hum, watching as he perked up.

“∎∎∎!” He chirped, getting to your position in a few seconds.

“Me…” You hesitate. “... Me you… up.” You said, staring at him to see whether or not he understood. You were sure that, without… a lot of things necessary for life, he would be light enough for you to carry. Sure, you weren’t the fittest of the bunch, but you were healthy and exercised. In fact, you’re sure that your physical health was the only reason you lasted that long in that death trap.

His head tilted, then he grinned. “... Me you ∎∎∎?”

You sighed, contemplating. That was a vaguely familiar word, and you could almost hear something else in your memories having said it.

But before you could actually responded, Mr. Crawling lunged up at you, bringing you down to the ground in one swift motion. You let out a scream, your throat raw and strained by now, but settled in once you realized where you were.

“Mr. Crawling, what are you–?” You let out a half-scream of shock as he began to scoot across the floor with his legs, holding you firmly in his lap, cold yet sturdy arms caging you in.

He giggled, “Me ∎∎∎! Me ∎∎∎ you!”

Your jaw dropped, and then the word clicks– carry! Well, carry or lift or hold– something along those lines. You remembered that decapitated head speaking it. The head that you had left behind in the hands of that… goat thing.

“Me carry you!” Mr. Crawling giggled, and honestly, if it weren’t for the fact that this was twice as slow as their previous pace (an actual snail’s pace) you might’ve just stayed here and squeezed a nap in.

“Wait, no– no!” You wiggled, trying to loosen his arms. You couldn’t– not through sheer force, as his arms felt like stone bricks, but he loosened his hold on his own, leaning in far too close and spewing out a cycle of: “Hurt? Hurt? Damaged? You sad?” 

You sighed, shaking your head. Well, at least now you know the word. “No, me carry you. Me carry you.” You said, trying to convey through hand motions that it would be faster.

Then… Mr. Crawling giggled. Laughed. Directly at your face. “You carry me? Me ∎∎∎, you ∎∎∎!” 

In your heart, you knew you were being laughed at, and you felt heat rushing to your ears as you sputtered in indignation. “What– listen, I can carry you! You’re not even alive, so you probably don’t have water or blood or any other thing in you that makes you as heavy as–”

“Cute!” Mr. Crawling cooed with another giggle, playing with your ears, his fingers gentle despite how coarse they felt. The coolness of them actually felt… nice against your burning ears.

You balked, “You–!”

Your breath was interrupted as cement arms wrapped around you again and his butt-scooting continued. 

“Hey, I– !”

“You ∎∎∎ rest!” He said happily, strong legs picking up the pace and pushing small mounds of dirt across the forest floor.

Well… that was actually amendable. Maybe you’d get to the city before sunrise at this pace.

“Rest rest!” He said, one arm reaching up to pat your head. “You ∎∎∎! You rest! You safe.”

You let out another sigh, though you hardly put any heart into it, leaning against him more as you felt the rhythmic stop and push of him quite literally dragging the both of us to safety.

A disabled ghost… helping a fully-capable human move.

You snort, letting your eyes fall shut.

What has your life become?

And that's all! Thank you so much for stopping by! If you're interested, I just wanted to add some notes for anybody paying a bit more attention to minor details in this fic.

Yes, the reader is exhausted and far too tired to ask why a ghost who "can't use his legs" is currently using them as a motor to propel them across the forest floor. Give them some slack! They nearly died about 3 times lmao. (And I have mentally planned out a timeframe where they realize this exact piece of info)

I am aiming for the reader to be completely G/N (for our rare male players) but I may slip up and call them she/her or accidentally follow the canon a bit too closely.

Honestly, while it is based in Japan, most of my understanding outside of some rare visits comes from anime. So, in my head, the local high school was hosting a bravery challenge up in the forest on the mountains and the reader was dragged along with their friends (reader is a working young adult, ~25 years old). In my world, the city they live in is maybe 40 minutes away from that specific area in the mountains. I'm contemplating making the reader American-Japanese (who resides in the US and visited Japan for a vacation to meet up with old friends, or something like that).

Yes, I know that "bucket" in the ghost language isn't correct (the correct word is "container" or something more vague like that) but I can't recall if the reader gets to go to the SOS room on this route where Mr. Crawler refers to the pencil case/make-up bag with that same word, so their only experience would be learning the word through buckets with Mr. Hood.

I may accidentally call Mr. Crawling "Mr. Crawler." I'm pretty sure I haven't done that in this fic, but this is simply a warning for the future lmao.

That's all! Thanks again!^^

Masterlist Next Chapter -->

Banners by @cafekitsune

[icepoptroll]

do you want to write a character analysis for your favourite RTC character?

Ricky. . . oh Ricky. My beloved

I've drawn this guy (or girl if we're talking about Savannah). . . over 400 times. Yep, that's right, 400 times. I never get tired of him. I love paying him homage. He deserves it. And so I will try my best. However please be advised this proooooooobably will come across less like a scholarly analytic essay and more just bunny icepoptroll ranting and raving about their boy Ricky yet again lol

There's really no ONE analysis I can give to Ricky because there have literally been hundreds of different portrayals of him and they're all very different. That's what I love about Ricky: he's anything and everything. Ricky can be a big tall hairy dude, or a hundred pound blonde girl with little twin braids. He can be plain and reserved, or have pink hair and pronouns and a rainbow wheelchair. There are so many different ways for him to look, but also so many different ways to deliver his lines with different attitudes and personalities and mannerisms, and they pretty much all work. I'm actually friends and/or mutuals with some Rickies! Imo anyone who identifies with Ricky and puts heart and soul into playing him is an automatic Cool Cat. Anytime I stagedoor at rtc you know whoever played Ricky is gonna be the first one I talk to lol

Here's an interesting thing I picked up on that maybe some of you might have noticed too: there is nothing in the script that concretely states that Ricky lives with a mother and father. They are referred to only as "the Potts family." Maybe he has two moms. Maybe you kinda jive with him living with his grandparents. Maybe he was adopted. Maybe he has a sibling. Or multiple siblings. This is another facet of Ricky to which there are really no wrong answers.

Something I really love about Ricky is how self-actualized he is. Just like he said after his song, he's the same person he always was. SABM was not the first time he'd ever had confidence, it was just the first time he'd been given the opportunity to show it. All of this wonderful, creative, bombastic energy was inside him all along. He always knew and loved who he was. The way he so loved the world despite having grown up in it ignored and condescended to just goes to show how capable he is of finding beauty and joy even in dark places. He has a very high capacity to forgive, but also a desire to teach and guide. He is kind, but not naive, and he recognizes what's messed up about the world. He is less concerned about Ocean bagging on him individually and more so concerned that her entire worldview is totally warped. He is compassionate and wise beyond his years and I think all of this combined really makes "Space Jesus" an appropriate title for him.

And of course, I have to say I do not recognize the post-2022 rewritten backstory as canon. For Ricky to be on stage as a visibly-disabled character is so important and that's why I draw him as such regardless of which production I'm referencing. Everyone adores all the different interpretations of other characters there are out there and I feel like if I only drew versions of him from productions that used older scripts, while other characters' stories are the same across hundreds of different performances, I'd be seriously throwing the baby out with the bathwater, especially since Ricky is one of if not THE most diversely-portrayed character in the entire show. He deserves the same amount of archiving and celebration and excitement surrounding different approaches to him that all the other characters get, but his story should have never been messed with. It's a good thing my drawings aren't bound by any licensing agreements--- I can celebrate his versatile nature while also presenting him the way he should be presented, in all his disabled glory. And with that, I ask everyone to please not forget that Ricky IS a historically disabled character-- please don't let this ill-conceived rewrite color your view of him because it was nothing more than a sad attempt at a "quick fix" to a much, much larger issue.

[fangirl-writes]

Sick Day

JJ Maybank x GN!Reader

Warning(s): Sickness, fever.

Request:

Hi!! I've seen you account recently and I was thinking maybe you could write jj maybank x reader when the reader is always so guffy and childish, like they always jump from excitement and love weird things. So reader is sick like have really bad fever and is weary weak, almost fainted because of that and jj take kare of them and maybe lullaby them to sleep by singing them and rocking them please.

Also English isn't my mother language so please forgive me for any mistakes love you.

Feel free to ignore me if you want to byee

Notes: JJ would absolutely listen to Arctic Monkeys don't @ me.

"But JJ," you whined as he carried you into your house.

"No buts, Y/N, you can't put other shit above yourself. You're sick and you're going to be sick until you get better."

You pouted, burying your head in his shoulder. "But what if you get sick?"

"Don't worry about that, I literally never get sick. It's like some superpower I have," he replied, walking towards your bedroom. "One time John B. got the flu, like shit from both ends bad flu, and I spent the whole day with him anyway and never got sick."

"But you're gonna miss a pogue day off..."

"I think I'm willing to sacrifice one day just for you,"

A blush spread across your cheeks and you said, "...thanks."

You'd woken up feeling like shit, with a fever and an aching body, but you were never one to let anything bring you down so you popped some Tylenol and went on your way.

But the pogues knew something was wrong right away because you were usually the life of the party, bouncing uncontrollably all the way down the dock and talking animatedly about whatever it was that had piqued your interest that day.

But not today.

Today you were relatively silent, refusing a beer and a puff of JJ's blunt.

You'd had off days before, they all did, so none of them pushed you to tell them what was up.

Until you stood up too fast and nearly fainted.

Thankfully, JJ intercepted your body before it could hit the water and laid you down on the floor of the boat. Everyone fanned your face and Kie pressed a cool water bottle to your forehead.

"Y/N, you're burning up," she said. "I think you have a fever."

"What?" JJ said. "Seriously?"

You couldn't help but cry a little bit at the statement, the concern in everyone's eyes making you feel worse.

Which JJ could tell. "Come on, I'm taking you home."

"What? No-" you sat up quickly - too quickly- and had to catch yourself before you fell back. "Seriously, don't let me ruin your day, I can walk home."

"Y/N, you can barely sit up, let JJ take you home," Pope said.

"No, come on, he probably doesn't want to be around me anyway. You'd much rather stay here and drink and smoke with the pogues, right?"

JJ was silent for a moment, narrowing his eyes at you before he leaned over, grabbed your wrist and hip, threw you over his shoulder and hopped up onto the deck with ease.

"JJ!" You protested, but he'd trapped you. You had no escape in this position.

"See you guys later," JJ said, throwing a peace sign to his friends with his free hand before continuing his trek towards your house.

"JJ!" You tried again, pounding against his back. "Put me down!"

He swung you around, making you shout, but he didn't put you down, simply holding you bridal style instead.

You must've turned green because he winced. "Sorry."

Eyes squeezed shut, you said, "It's fine. You should really put me down though."

"Nope."

A few minutes of bickering later and well-

"Here we are," JJ said, setting you down carefully on your bed.

Having resigned yourself to sickness at this point, you immediately crawled under the covers and groaned.

JJ chuckled, running a hand over your forehead. "You really are burning up. I'm gonna go get you some water."

"J-"

"I'll be right back," He said, smiling at you as you looked up at him.

He pulled a water bottle from the fridge and the bottle of Tylenol from the cabinet before heading back to your room.

Your eyes were still open when he came back.

"What?"

"Nothing," you replied, smiling weakly. "Just never saw you as the nurse type."

"Never had any sexy dreams about me in a nurse's uniform?" he joked.

"You wish."

Instead of replying, JJ set down the water and Tylenol on your bedside table and picked up the thermometer that was already there.

"You had a fever before and you still came?"

You groaned. "Don't lecture me."

He didn't but he still stuck the thermometer in your mouth.

"101, wow," he said. "You are sick. And you definitely need to sleep."

You tossed your head against your pillow. How were you supposed to sleep in the middle of the afternoon with the sun shining right in your window?

Then an idea struck you.

JJ looked up from where he was surveying the thermometer and noticed your gaze. "...What?"

You made grabby hands at him. "Cuddle me?"

He shook his head. "You're sick."

"What happened to all that bravado about not ever getting sick?"

"I mean you need to sleep."

"I'll sleep better if you're with me," you replied.

He rolled his eyes but joined you in your bed anyway. "If you wanted me in your bed, you didn't have to get sick to do it."

"Shut up," you mumbled, tucking yourself into his arms with your head against his chest. "You know you've always wanted to be here, too."

He hoped his heart wasn't hammering too hard with you so close. "Maybe so."

You sighed, face scrunched up as you tried to will yourself to sleep.

JJ bit his lip.

His mother always used to sing him lullabies when he was sick as a kid. Course that was before she left.

Still, maybe he could turn that painful memory into a good one.

He started humming softly, just loud enough for you to hear, and raking his fingers through your hair.

"You call the shots babe, I just wanna be yours," he sang softly.

Sure he wasn't the most musically gifted person, but he could hold a tune and the way you snuggled further into him told him you were enjoying the serenade.

"Secrets I have held in my heart, are harder to hide than I thought. Maybe I just wanna be yours, I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours."

Forgetting the other words, he returned to humming.

You were so beautiful, lying in his arms, half-asleep. Even sick, you were one of the most beautiful people JJ had ever seen.

"I just wanna be yours," he sang one last time, assuming you'd be asleep by now.

He pressed a kiss to your forehead and went to get up but you tightened your hold.

"Don't leave," You whispered sleepily, almost slurring. "I wanna be yours, too..."

A little stunned, JJ slunk back into his former position, holding you close. "Really?"

You hummed, nodding.

JJ absolutely got your fever the next day but he'd claim it was worth it to hear you sing the same song back at him and to kiss you whenever he wanted.

[imagionationstation]

Hi IS!! I seriously hope you're actually taking a break from Tumblr and social media instead of reading this haha, but I've been a follower for a few months now and couldn't help but send in a little post after seeing your rant. As someone who grew up with 2012 and adores it, and also as someone who respects Rise for what it is, I understand. 2012 is a huge comfort show to me and I've definitely gotten upset when all people do is go out of their way to tell you how horrible the show is without reason. 2012 is by no means perfect!! I am extremely aware of its flaws, but I don't believe that gives anyone permission to go out of their way just to ruin it for you. To target the one criticism that drives me a bit nuts, the "real brothers" thing. Rise has a very valid interpretation of brothers! But as someone with 3 other siblings, it is not sunshine and rainbows all the time. My older siblings would make me cry, we would fight and get hurt and hurt each other all of the time, my younger sibling would tattle on me, etc etc. But we also look out for each other, and have grown out of many of those things since then. I see a lot of my own sibling situations in 2012. Sure, it doesn't get everything right (and can be purposefully exaggerated because it is a cartoon!!), but it isn't wrong either. Everyone has different family experiences, and believing that Rise is the only correct interpretation of siblings would just be a bit narrow minded. I have many, many more points I could make in regards to the sibling ordeal (and other criticisms you mentioned!) but I'll leave it here for now. Overall, just enjoy what you want to enjoy! This goes for everyone. Someone is always going to want to rain on your parade, don't give them the power to do it. It's so much easier and less tiring to spend your time enjoying something you love over dunking on something you hate. :)

Thank you <3

As I mention over here, not really in a place to drop it yet, but I may sometime in the future. Your support is greatly appreciated!

As someone who grew up with 2012 and adores it, and also as someone who respects Rise for what it is, I understand. 2012 is a huge comfort show to me and I've definitely gotten upset when all people do is go out of their way to tell you how horrible the show is without reason.

Exactly! I have nothing against rottmnt. RISE is a great addition to the TMNT fandom. It has its highs and lows like anything else. It didn't deserve the dislike that many fans gave it in the beginning.

So why does 2012 deserve the exact same treatment after its time is over? Why doesn't it deserve the same respect for its diversity?

They experimented with some awesome and iffy things.

Some things worked and others didn't. Why can't we leave it at that?

I try and read the opinions that say "I like this, this, and this, but-" and ignore anything that is pure hate or comes from an account that has never said a single nice thing about the show.

But even then, it's often always the same old list of complaints.

And, like, Donnie is downright awful with his comebacks but sometimes I find myself doing the daily quote thing to the screen when I come across someone who is being supremely unreasonable.

(Not that I'd ever actually say that to anyone. It's my stress vice.

But. I definitely think it. Very hard.)

To target the one criticism that drives me a bit nuts, the "real brothers" thing.

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH BRINGS ME AN UNNAMABLE JOY.

You hit the nail right on the head!!

My family dynamic is so similar to these boys. One of my siblings very seriously told me a few days ago that I am not at all attractive, but a few weeks ago, the same sibling also reassured me that I deserved a love interest so much better than any person the world has handed me. Freakin' Raph impersonator over here.

Literally, I have siblings who interact like Leo and Raph. Constantly trying to be the superior in the relationship and hating when the other bosses them around. But you'd almost never find them apart because they are the other's shoulder to lean on.

I'm not anyone innocent either. I've said lots of things that I didn't mean in the past and I still slip up from time to time. I'm the type of person to be annoyed with a sibling and smack/shove them. My siblings do the exact same! Teasing and mocking and crude words aren't anything crazy. It's just how our fam do family.

I have a sibling who is just as insane and annoying as Mikey, but it's so frustrating because he's either purposefully stirring chaos and then laughing when we get upset, or so innocent and confused when I'm getting mad at him for doing something similar a while later.

We get so tired of it. But it's not his fault. He's untreated ADHD and lives his life to the fullest. What you gonna do? Stifle that? Please.

We get so tired of each other.

But we're always the first to have each others' backs.

Overall, just enjoy what you want to enjoy! This goes for everyone. Someone is always going to want to rain on your parade, don't give them the power to do it. It's so much easier and less tiring to spend your time enjoying something you love over dunking on something you hate. :)

Thank you so much. I always try to remind myself of that, but some days it can be hard. I really appreciate your kind words! I hope anyone reading this is also making note of them.

I don't ever want to be a hater.

Going giddly over the boys being themselves is so much more fun.

[veilkeeper]

I swear this is in good faith but the DSM thing doesn't come off to me as literal? I played through the scene they mention twice and it's a completely natural conversation that solidified behaviors Taash showed prior. They just finally had a chance to talk about it openly.

From the wording of the tweet, it sounds more like they're saying, "it couldn't be any more obvious that Taash is autistic, especially in this scene, but some fans will ignore it anyways" which is, well, true.

I don't know I just think it's ironic that in conversation about an autistic character so many people took a sentence at face value when I don't think it was meant this way.

Again, this is in good faith.

yeah, this point was also brought up to me by a friend, and i agree that my original response may give people the wrong impression on my take on this situation, so thanks for the opportunity to clarify why The Tweet™ bothers me

i think it's pretty obvious to anyone who has played the game and talked to taash that trick consulted more than just the dsm-v in writing them. it's clear that there was an attempt to write that aspect of their character respectfully and true to the lived experiences of real autistic people. whether they were 100% successful on that, i leave for people to judge on their own, i've seen mixed opinions. but for me, i think taash clearly reads as autistic and i never felt like the dialogue with them was forced or unnatural in that way.

my issue isn't really taash's actual writing, but the tweet itself (bsky post? idk what theyre called, this is my only social media). regardless of what other sources trick may have used when writing taash, they decided in that post in particular to use the dsm-v and the diagnostic criteria therein as a "gotcha". imo, the tone of the tweet is basically "i double checked the dsm-v to make sure taash clearly displayed all of the symptoms necessary for an autism diagnosis, but the haters still say they're not autistic", and THAT sentiment icks me VERY MUCH.

autistic people and many many variously neurodivergent/mentally ill people have an extremely complicated relationship with clinical psych, diagnosis, and tools like the dsm-v. there are people who want to be diagnosed but aren't for a lot of reasons (including ableism within the field of psych itself), and people who fight against being diagnosed for fear of their autonomy being taken from them. diagnosis has long been used as barrier to support, and a lack of diagnosis can make people not take you or your symptoms seriously, while being diagnosed can lead to people infantilizing you or treating you as sub-human or as a bomb waiting to go off. it's extremely extremely complicated.

and then trick essentially used "diagnosable" as the be-all-end-all proof that taash is autistic. all to try to "win" an argument with people who, ultimately, will never have their minds changed because they are approaching the conversation in bad faith, anyway (nobody denying that taash is autistic is doing it because they genuinely can't see the signs, let's be so honest with ourselves here). when trick could have just said "i intentionally wrote taash as autistic" and put the issue to bed. or frankly, not said anything at all. i personally think video game writers talk too much about their work on social media in general. as i said before, it was a completely unforced error.

i dont know. it came across as extremely insensitive and reductive to me. i agree trick didn't mean it that way, and it's obvious that they tried to be sensitive when they wrote taash, but this particular post is a major blunder and i don't blame autistic fans for being upset about it. i ALSO think there are people who are blowing it way out of proportion and taking poor phrasing literally, which is also a problem (but this is the dragon age fandom, so can we be surprised? taking things literally and in the worst faith is par for the course).

tl;dr because this got a bit rambly: it icked me, i consider it a blunder, but ultimately it is far from trick weekes' worst crime. i am happy to note it and then move on.

[myfanfic-urfantrash]

I always dound the vidyhadara weird. A race that doesn't reproduce at all wouldn't have a need for reproductive organs so them having genders is strange.

The origin of the race is unknown besides being connected to Long. Whether they were truly created by Long, transformed from another race into Long's followers, or anything else. However, I think they don't deal with the same trans experience as other races because of the whole rebirth thing. We don't know what decides the sex of the next reincarnation so in my own theory, it's guided by the reformation of the soul of the person. It's not as simple as losing your memory, even amnesiacs can end up falling into the same habits or finding sentiment in the things from before. It's the body undergoing transformation along with the soul and mind too. Thus, unless there was something very wrong with the transformation (vidyhadara diseases of this nature are *extremely* rare), the soul will always fit the body.

Also, I'm vibrating over here. Basically everyone I've talked about trans hcs with has different ones than I do. I struggle with being the "Um, actually 🤓☝️" person. Chomping at the bit trying to be a better person and not shake other people by the shoulders just for having different opinions for me. I respectfully disagree but I WILL be respectful, mindful, and mature. Ignore the different parts of me throwing hands over a conference table, they aren't in charge right now.

Tbh my only really strong trans hcs have been Wanderer from genshin and Feixiao from hsr.

Regarding HSR: I think that in general, unless a planet is particularly stubborn and conservative with gender/sex types, then any planet connected to the wider universe for a decent amount of time will slowly have certain things fade from cultural significance.

The medical technology available through universal trade makes something like transitioning very easy and hardly worth mentioning. Psychology and neurology are probably pretty advanced too. Not to mention the fact that there are thousands to millions of sentient species other than humans in HSR (but the devs can't be bothered even making npc models for that shit, boo devs) probably with their own sexes and genders that are completely different from the system we have. Being trans is probably considered the same as being blonde.

Seriously, no one bats an eye at Boothill basically being 90% cyborg. I'm not sayimg discrimination doesn't exist in HSR (it definitely does) but at the very least, in places like Penacony and the Xianzhou with wider access to the universe, certain issues irl are not seen as that big of a deal there and don't result in a culture identity being formed in resistance to oppression.

...

...did I get too nerdy. This ask is way too long. My bad. I don't have a degree in it but ever so occasionally I like to think about sociology, especially that of fictional worlds. Because studying the real world makes me depressed.

You cannot "um actually🤓☝️" your way through this I am if I have already considered these things :P

I know though this was all just for fun applying a little bit of some real world aspects just as a thinking point basically. Like in general when it comes to fantasy worlds and races like these you really can't expect them to follow the real world's thought process when it comes to gender so I didn't go into that because you could go so many ways about it. I mean even in the real world you can't expect everyone to follow the same idea of what gender identity and expression is either it's all very different ones way of identifying as a man could be different to someone thousands of miles across the world and these ideas can conflict because of culture differences.

Like you said with the Vidyahara it could really not matter at all because they live so differently from other species and things like gender could be irrelevant to them or not apply to them in the way it applies to others and with the advanced technology such things like changing gender would be trivial. There's also the fact some planets are isolated from these technology or different planets and species so really anything can happen.

With the Xianzhou while they are pretty welcoming to outsiders they are pretty harsh when it comes to differences to the norm also and while it was seen from the side of disability it could apply to other parts as well. Not saying there'd be major needs to like fight for rights or such just that it's gonna feel pretty bad if they suffered from dysphoria but only could do so much about it unlike other species. There'd probably be some form of longing because they'd see these other races capable of changing so much but they can't change how they want to.

In like the case of how I hc Xingqiu for the post such things are so normal it slips the mind and people forget that they can do very obvious things sorta like how there's no rule for how to do the dishes and if you don't like doing them because you don't like to get your hands wet there's the obvious solution of wearing gloves or getting a dishwasher to do it for you.

In truth they probably wouldn't even have the same terms we do for such experiences and identities. Like Transgender probably doesn't exist and if we want to get even more into it probably various sexualities don't really exist either. If we're going for some more HSR hcs based on the universe then there'd probably be a whole thing started by the IPC in order to sorta classify beings for the sake of records or whatever which could be another point for why many hate the IPC because their identity is sorta reduced to something more easily digestible cause like there could be a whole nuanced way someone expresses themselves and the IPC would be like 'cool you do this, dress like that and have these parts you have been labeled as a masculine woman case closed. Now buy our product it is suitable for those like you.'

I jump around different hcs for all characters when it comes to gender, sexualities, attraction, and etc based on what we see/know in canon. We'll never know a character is or isn't something or has or had something unless the creators you know straight up say it directly or heavily imply it to the point they're actually shouting it from the roof tops basically. Like with Wanderer for all we know could have been made male originally or could have been made female and then later decided to identify as male as he figured out the world around him who knows man is a puppet and whatever gender applied to him is based on our own perception not his own. Honestly you could literally point to any character in existence and hc them as trans or whatever with or without any sort of reason behind it and call it a day even if it makes no sense if you consider a characters lore and interactions with their world.

Anyways all of it was just for fun to explore what it'd be like for them if they were trans in a similar way to our understanding of being trans and gender and what not while considering their stories, some of the in universe events, and such at the ungodly hours of 2am.

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

the way i thought hobi and taehyung will show the most support to jm during face and here comes taehyung with his closed mouth. I saw pjms saying thanks to him for letting jm see armys on his fanmeet but the way taehyung made me disappointed I'll never ever go back to liking this guy like never. He's there jm's bandmate and that's it. I don't care if jm loves him he's never gonna be same for me. Once i thought vmin were defination of soulmate but the way he behaved during face??? Nope, never, nada. I did got emotional yesterday seeing his bald head but that's that and I have that sympathy for all the humans no matter the person.

He has made it very clear that he's close with his wooga, jk and hobi and that's it. I just know they were having conflicts and somehow it got fine during the time jm went to his music show (the only one who showed some public support to him maybe apart from his wooga idk what they did but I'm sure they must have done something). I can bet my kidney that of jm didn't go to his music show he would have NOT asked jm to come to his fanmeet. i have Hardly ever been wrong about jm i just know that's how it was or would have been. Imagine being this selfish. This is why i wish jm drifts from those two cause They're just undeserving of his friendship his love and his support.

"I did got emotional yesterday seeing his bald head" I'm sorry this made me laugh

I've mentioned this when JK and Taehyung released their albums: JK and Taehyung never went anywhere to support Jimin, they didn't show up for him. Jimin was actually the one who showed up for both of them. He made his social media posts, and also was physically supporting them during a few of their activities. He's always been the one keeping both friendships afloat, and this year was just further proof of that, for me. In fact, JK ignored like crazy even existed until he had to do his own promo; same as Taehyung who only mentioned like crazy when he released his album.

I don't think he invited Jimin only because he went to the music show. That could've been his reasoning, but in my opinion he invited Jimin because he was the only one available. I'm sure he would've asked Jungkook to go, if Jungkook didn't refuse to involve himself professionaly with the other members.

I also came across this earlier today lmfao. I had forgotten about it.

If it was Jimin, he would've chosen a song from all of the members. Even when he went to the lee mujin show he was like, "Taehyung and Jungkook should come here since they have nice voices. Yoongi too". And Yoongi doesn't even sing... bffr Jimin!!

During some suchwita episode, Yoongi said that they went to celebrate Jungkook's bb #1, but none of them ever mentioned anything about celebrating Jimin's. Around those days, they got together because Jin was in leave if I recall correctly? But it's like... Jimin posted a photo at Hoseok's release party, then at Jungkook's release party; a couple with Namjoon while he was filming his stuff last year. He was publicly seen at Lolla, NYC, Taehyung's music show. There is factual, definite proof that he was cheering them on and happy for them in almost every step of the way. Meanwhile we had to assume, we had to imagine that some of them congratulated him. We should assume, we should imagine that they also went to dinner to celebrate his #1.

And it's like... the people want FACTS..! I was never one to assume that the things I believe to be true, are the reality. I don't want to imagine, I don't care to imagine that something nice is going on. I need to know that it's happening.

[vanfleeter]

i was the person who submitted that thing on gvftea and although i still think that kind of thing isn’t really right to write about unless it’s addressing the characters abusive behaviour instead of brushing past it and giving him a happy ending without consequences, i feel really bad that you took the whole story down as a whole. i’m sorry if i hurt you. that wasn’t my intention. again, i still believe angst and strong themes have an important place in literature, but my intention was mostly to raise a bit of awareness about making sure trigger warnings for domestic abuse and violence were written instead of just “throwing things” and “anger” as those actions depicted were rooted in deeper things (although i still was still quite rude and i apologise for that, i shouldn’t have been mean about it). it obviously isn’t my place to pry especially since you probably hate me, but i truly hope (for your sake) that you haven’t or won’t be treated that way and to only think it was because someone was angry instead of because they were being physically abusive and violent towards you, and i worry it may come across that way to other readers too.

again, i’m sorry i hurt you. i’d like to see it up again if you re uploaded and edited it (the trigger warnings) to be easier for readers to navigate without being exposed to stuff like that

I really wanted to answer this privately but I don't have the option to on my phone or my laptop, which is odd. I thought I've done it before with anon messages, but maybe I'm remembering wrong. Anyways..

I want to start by saying that I appreciate you coming to me directly and not going back to the blog like I've seen some do in the past. I also want to clarify that I do not hate you at all. I just don't like the way it was put it out there, though I 100% understand that you wanted to bring awareness to it. As you should, I completely get it. I just wish you would have come to me first and not gone straight to the blog. I won't ignore you. I won't delete your messages. I do see that it would bring a lot of awareness to it, considering that blog is popular--for a multitude of reasons..

I should have worded my trigger warnings better. I've seen this happen in the past so I've been trying my best to add trigger warnings. I have in the past said to tell me if I missed anything to let me know so I can add it, I try to say that now. Sometimes I forget but it's always welcomed. I know it's a big trigger so I should have added it without having to be told. At the time I didn't think of it that way, but I should have thought of it that way and added those trigger warnings.

Still, I do apologize for it coming off as being brushed off and giving no consequences for the actions that were displayed. There wasn't any consequence except for me writing that he knew it was wrong, and I should have done more. These actions, whether written as a fictional story or happening in real life should come with consequences, I agree. I don't condone domestic abuse, and I should have written it better which is why I decided to take it down. Even with the updated trigger warnings, I don't want someone else to think this kind of abuse is excusable or anything.

I'll be honest, I wasn't hurt, a little taken by surprise. I've never had this happen to me before so I have been processing my own feelings and how to go about this. I have decided to step back (at least with writing) for a little bit to go through everything--my own feelings, how this could affect other people, and how I can do better. Definitely not playing the victim card here, because I realize I should have done better with my warnings and I will continue to do so with any future fics I choose to share.

Again, thank you for coming to me. I do appreciate it. Continue doing so anonymously in my inbox or even messaging me privately.

[boss-poss]

As an american, I'm honestly not surprised. We're stupid. We're probably some of the stupidest people on the planet, honestly. Maybe not in terms of direct intelligence (we're pretty close) but definitely in terms of self preservation.

Decades and decades of being told that legions of boogeymen wait right outside our borders and across the sea, an electoral system that's just plain convoluted and exploitable, and a general ignorance of anything not immediately affecting the individual has conditioned most american citizens to frighten like a scared deer the moment someone with any authority says something threatens "democracy" or "faith".

I used to wonder how people could see everything trump has done, is doing, and promises to do and not clearly see a rotting, delusional ghoul with megalomania. I've since settled on the theory that in many people, they do see that but their fear of and hatred for the unfamiliar is stronger than their rationale and empathy for others. They literally cannot imagine being in someone else's shoes but their own or looking ahead and considering the consequences. Thinking is hard, and also the news said satanic migrants were chainsawing babies in half in churches all across the country after giving them sex change operations, trust me, it has to be true.

We eat hamburger, look at phone, and doggedly work our little lives away making a handful of rich people richer while the walls are piled higher around us. That's the fate we choose, over and over again. It's positively masochistic, but then again, the good lord says you must suffer, so why not share that suffering with the unworthy? They certainly deserve it for not being the same as you!

Not all the votes are counted at this time but I think the trend is obvious at this point. Maybe I'll be wrong and pleasantly surprised but I do doubt it. At least it's a comparatively closer race than if Biden had stuck around, that would have been a clear sweep. We're not completely under the thrall of delusion, but it still won't be enough.

So we most likely get four more years of exponential human suffering here and around the globe, a massive drop in quality of life, untold deaths that will be written off, and when the next self-serving egomaniac king-to-be appears (if the US still has elections by that point), we'll vote him in and do it all again. Because we're stupid and full of hate and ignorance and that's just the way our leaders, both national and religious, like it, and so do we.

And in a year or two, when the economy is in the toilet, when inflation is making living impossible for millions, when desperation is driving people to commit horrible acts on the regular just to survive, just be content in the knowledge that the people responsible for it all are doing just fine, just fine. You won't be, but they will, and that's what really matters at the end of the day. Pat yourselves on the back, america, you deserve all that's coming to you.

[salarta]

I wanna say some things.

I've been a Polaris fan for almost 15 years now. Fans just tuning in, and some that may have tuned out, may be frustrated with how the X-Men comics keep failing/refusing to do right by the character.

I want to give you all a look from my view, so you can see the progress.

Back when I discovered Lorna, it wasn't because of a TV show. Or social media. It was because, by pure chance, I ran across her entry on the Marvel wikia. She wasn't promoted enough for me to know she exists except by accident.

In terms of the landscape: she was in a bad position. The Wolverine and the X-Men cartoon had just been canceled after the Disney buyout, which meant any plans for her there went out the window. In the comics, she had been reduced to Havok's supporting character girlfriend again, only this time exiled to space for his Starjammers team. It was shortly after I learned of Lorna that she was put in space limbo for over a year, no appearances anywhere at all.

No place in comics. No involvement in mutant events on Earth at all. Stuck as Havok's supporting character girlfriend when last seen. No origin story. Magneto as her dad was still a big question mark, and it wasn't clear if she was even a mutant.

Here is a list of gains since I discovered the character.

Restored as a mutant

Restored as Magneto's daughter

Not stuck in relationship as a supporting character for Havok

Back on Earth, taking part in X-Men comics

Breakout role on Gifted played by Emma Dumont

Multiple good video game appearances

Has an origin story now

Led a team of her own (despite Jordan White undermining her and killing the book)

Won the X-Men fan vote

Interacting with Jean Grey again after decades of nothing

Has a PhD now

Yes, I do complain about the X-Men comics. A lot. I have good reason to be. Within that same time frame, we still have these problems that keep coming up.

Havok keeps getting forced into almost everything Lorna does

Her surviving the Genoshan genocide keeps getting treated like it never happened

Keeps getting forced onto teams named X-Factor, clearly due to Jordan White's nostalgia for 90s X-Factor

Different writers treating her like she either has no history before or after the 90s, never a full accounting

OOC depictions in various places, most notably in the recent X-Factor #4 and Trial of Magneto

Lorna is a work in progress. She spent decades getting treated poorly, with people at Marvel thinking that poor treatment was appropriate. Some of them, like White, even think that poor treatment was somehow actually good and want people to think like they do. Because of this, Lorna has ups and downs in her overall trajectory.

The first thing I want to emphasize is that as a work in progress, it's going to take time for her to get where she should be. You can't undo decades of damage in a single month or year. It's taken almost 15 years to get her where she is now, which is much better than where she used to be despite all the things still wrong.

The second thing is her profile.

Back in 2018, I talked to Jordan White on Twitter. He said Lorna didn't deserve anything. He claimed Lorna didn't have enough fan interest or star power to warrant getting the respect she deserved. He cited nothing for this view other than his general attitude and claiming he'd have more tweets directed to him about Lorna if she had enough fan interest.

The X-Men fan vote proved him wrong. In the past 5 years, we went from Jordan White writing her off as a nobody, to White clearly understanding that he can't ignore her anymore. He knows now that she has way more interest than he was counting on.

That's progress. And while it may not feel like it, poor treatment is also progress in this case. We went from White insisting Lorna doesn't deserve a miniseries, to White greenlighting a 4-part Infinity comic clearly meant to push his personal whims.

Of course, I would vastly prefer Lorna get an actual mini that treats her right instead of something that amounts to a drawn fanfic paid for out of company money. But at the end of the day, her profile and public awareness of who she's actually supposed to be as a character has grown enough that White decided to devote company resources on trying to make people think of Lorna the way he does.

That's a victory for Polaris fandom. It's part of the fight to get her where she should be. Or rather, should've been all along. Don't look at it as end of the road. Look at it as a stepping stone to a brighter future for the character.

P.S. - Jordan White didn't read the original run of X-Men comics until COVID. That's not a problem for the average person. Fans usually don't go that far back. I haven't read the original run, just Lorna's intro issues. But as senior editor of the X-Men comics, you would expect him to have read those issues much, much sooner than 2 years into being senior editor.

[maxladcomics]

"Sans doesn't read a bedtime story to Papyrus" <- okay but he literally does. It's canon. Like your entire reblog bordered on the "My hcs and interpretations are better because I'm fully canon and no one can enjoy others" carlyraejepsans level shit but I assumed you didn't mean it like that and I was used to the bullcrap so I was reading in too much. But like. :/ it's never confirmed he dOeSnT hAvE nIgHtMaReS or shit. Have fun with character analysis and hcs and have fun writing him strictly to canon but don't make stuff up and state its canon -_- you seem like a well meaning person but please actually do some research before you decide what's canon?

BUT IT'S ONLY CANON IF I LIKE IT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND???

Anyway about interpretations/headcanons how bout that headcanon of my blog lmao. I guess that's how I come across strictly from blog view and not when I'm spamming dumb theories at people in discord oops.

I'll clarify then.

I don't like apologizing because I'm never wrong it seems like an excuse to let people kick you if you show weakness on the great old internet, HOWEVER. I will make an exception and say sorry.

I'm sorry for giving the impression or directly saying? (memory bad) that I only follow canon and that canon is obviously the best and only way to see things. That is very unfun for everyone, and I like having fun, a lot of it. I also hate controlling others or others attempting to control me (see: my entire existence in this fandom).

I have only said it on discord but I should make it clear here as well:

I purposely ignore/put down Sans's importance in anything, it could be out of spite? hatred? (I do not have the time for hate I have to draw) or simply for entertainment.

Spoiler: it's for entertainment, a majority of stuff is about Sans and I find it a lot of fun to go out of my way to remove him from concepts/ideas/theories. I've also found this very interesting because it forces me to look elsewhere for concepts/theories and see things I hadn't before because he was in the way. (I don't mean this maliciously)

Contradicting or nonsense headcanons are loads of fun, are mine better? Of course to me they are, that's why they're on my blog, that's why I post about them. Are there headcanons I don't like? Yes, a lot of them, I used to complain about them a lot in the past, but lately I'm wasting my time more efficiently by searching for stuff in Undertale for the 100th time that's not actually there.

I'm not 100% canon. Do I want to be canon? Absolutely not. Do I use canon to bully people? YES. IF YOU THINK SANS LIKES PUNS THINK AGAIN. DO YOU THINK SANS IS STRESSED WITH BILLS? HAHA JOKES ON YOU. WHAT? HE HAS NIGHTMARES? NOT ON MY WATCH.

I want to enjoy my Papyrus focused content in my Papyrus focused corner is that too much to ask? (It is)

ANYWAY. To answer the original grievance:

Undyne stays the night? (It is not confirmed if it's more than one night) at Papyrus's house, and confirms that he doesn't sleep, that specifically: He doesn't know HOW to sleep. Does this mean that he NEEDS Sans to read to him to sleep?

No. Because it's not mentioned, it could have easily been brought up at this point since Sans already puts himself in some calls already, but it's not. The only one who brings it up is Sans when he's alone, where no one else can argue it or confirm it. What if it's too embarrassing to say in front of Papyrus? Well I mean he already teases him for the junior jumble thing so it wouldn't be out of line for Sans to tease him about that, too.

BUT, if Sans reads Papyrus a bedtime story, why doesn't he remark on the fact Papyrus has nightmares? Wouldn't he have to read to him every time a nightmare woke him up? But again, Papyrus also mentions that he's just too busy to sleep, no mention of needing to sleep, or reading a bedtime story, Papyrus also doesn't bring up Sans reading, or reading to him in any context.

Anyway to argue the "Sans doesn't have nightmares" statement, I'll refer back to my thing of 'removing Sans from ideas because it's funny'. Hahahaha.

But also there's no proof Sans has nightmares, AND WHILE I UNDERSTAND THE HEADCANON- I refuse it because it's funny, but also because Papyrus DESERVES nightmares as a trait and it's unfair to take that away from him.

"But Max, can't they both get nightmares?"

NO.

[ry-ya05]

so today, alto responded to sofronaria's "apology", and here's what she responded with, along with my own comments. i will not hold back.

"you" means sofronaria

tw: suicide, SH

long rant ahead

okay so.. final thing bcs im lowkey stunned i know i said that would be my final response, but i think i need to address some things because that might have came off wrong regarding the apology, if it didn't come across that way, i'm truly sorry, but to say it was entirely insincere and self-centered is unfair. i only included my feelings because i felt they were important since they are a part of the situation.

girl. our feelings are also important. if our feelings didn't matter, we wouldn't have this conflict.

regarding (boyfriend), i admit, i did make mistakes in disregarding boundaries, but to paint me as someone who deliberately ignored everyone's feelings is kind of.. inaccurate. it did seem like a small confrontation to me as it was brought up as a topic at lunch and ended shortly, and everyone seemed to be okay with his presence after that confrontation, so i felt the opinion on him had changed. in my opinion, it would have been better if you guys spoke up more about your discomfort with his presence than going with it, or something. you have the right to be angry, but this conflict with (boyfriend) could have been avoided if you spoke up more about it and genuinely solidly communicated it instead of letting me bring him around more often and leaving it to me to interpret one little discussion with each of (friend group) and a relatively more relevant discussion with you. with that being said though, i did still disregard the boundaries you guys have set after that, and made a mistake bringing him to the group. i'm sorry for that, and i'm sorry for not trying to be more active about it.

the apologies are null and void because you try to justify your actions AGAIN by saying "you guys should've spoke up about it sooner" smh

i also acknowledge the hypocrisy of my actions, especially with my frustration about F. it does sound stupid when you paint it that way. let me clarify, though, that i did not mean to be like her, especially in the way that every conversation felt like it was just me trying to kill myself; it was a habit/phrase of mine, but lowkey it is stupid. i want to clarify as well that i did not mean to break your boundaries about self-harm. i will admit, i did not know you were trying to stay clean, but then again, it was a sensitive topic, and i knew that well. i'm sorry for bringing it up, though, and breaking your boundaries in the process.

the main thing why F was brought up was because YOU are acting nice with her even though you ACTIVELY SHOW DISLIKE TOWARDS HER. "You act all buddy buddy with her, while constantly talking behind her back. How should others know that you actually like them without the fear of you shit talking them behind their back." THAT IS WHAT ALTO SAID. AND YOU DIDNT TALK ABOUT IT AT ALL!!!!!!!!

sure, alto also said about SH and the overuse of "kms", but the way you address that claim is so... idk how to put it, but it doesn't sit right with me.

alto did not say that you were acting like F, rather, you had similar characteristics as F, and you hate her. despite knowing that, you still continue to use "kms" without any sign of changing that habit.

and about the "diss track", it did feel mean, but yeah, i wanted to express my frustration. i didn't intend to be "projecting"?? anything, i do acknowledge i'm a narcissist in the same way as (me, hi), but recently, many things she's been doing lately: letting me read stories unrelated to my interest, straight up calling me a manipulator and narcissist- it felt like a genuine attempt at provocation, and i wanted to express my frustration of it. no apology was meant

this just hurts. i told you about what i've been feeling -- along with the others -- through the guidance counselor. and suddenly, i don't deserve an apology just because i'm narcissistic, a sociopath, and a troublemaker?

you also didn't touch on the fact that i feel the same thing as you. no... "i get it" or anything? just insults on insults?

i will admit, though, that yes, i told some people whom i trust about the issue, and yes, gynt. and, with that, i do not expect any forgiveness from him. i knew what i was doing, and i meant to do that.

but you have the understanding to know that leaking shit is bad. i could leak your full legal name you know.

i will also admit that i was trying to be buddy-buddy with F, and i'm not gonna explain more on why. i'm not gonna try and justify this either, because yes, i do mean to do that.

um ok

and to clarify a few more things: about ryoka, i want to clarify i wasn't trying to make her out to be someone with evil intentions. i'm sorry it came off as different, i'll acknowledge it did sound offensive, but my intention was to acknowledge that our relationship was neutral.

ok

about kelis, i was genuinely, GENUINELY not trying to justify my actions towards kelis. i dunno if it came off that way or that's how you interpret it, but those were two different things i wanted to address. i wanted to address that i am sorry for all of the things that i've done to kelis, but i also wanted to address, separately, that i genuinely felt she only tolerated my presence. regardless, though, my harming her was still unjustified, accident or intentional. i really do, apologize for that, because i genuinely feel bad for hurting her, especially physically.

ok but you're still justifying your actions by following it up with "i felt like she only tolerated my presence." yes, your feelings are important, but in an apology, the person who you'e apologizing to is MORE IMPORTANT. whether your intentionally trying to justify your actions or not, the way you frame your message makes it like your defending your actions instead of accepting responsibility.

and also, about my ending message, my intention there was to genuinely point out that i am getting better. i was trying to express that i've actually found a healthier environment, and out of that, was hoping it would be an "i'm glad, that's nice" thing, not meant to provoke anyone. i'm sorry it was taken the wrong way. to address the "new friends" point, i didn't intend to paint you all as "evil villains." and no, i didn't feel you guys were like that, even though, yes, i am pissed at the shit that happened. i was trying to convey that i've found a place where I feel supported, not to belittle you or something. and, yes, i understand that finding new friends doesn't erase my past mistakes, but i will admit, i've gotten and felt better because of it.

i could care less about your new friends -- what i want is a proper closure and apology.

you also misinterpreted the message. it's not that it's "provoking", it's more on "look how much better i am without you guys" in a /neg way, which just shows your narcissistic side.

skipping to the end because the rest are directed to alto (and gynt ig) so i dont have a say in that

and lastly, i sincerely apologize for all the boundaries i've crossed. i know i've crossed many, many i was honestly not aware off, but that doesn't excuse my behaviour. i am genuinely sorry, and i do understand what boundaries i've crossed now are. i understand that you're hurt, and i'm not trying to invalidate your feelings, but once again, i feel like my perspective is being dismissed. i don't wanna continue this back and forth, but i needed to defend myself against some accusations, and also own up to the things that i did do and intend. i wish you all the best, and i hope we can move forward. and yes, i'll be growing up

girl. we are not trying to dismiss your perspective. i can't speak for the others, but i can and will speak for myself.

i've always acknowledged your perspective on things, even considered your opinion was the "right" one and that my opinions were wrong if i ever had a different perspective. i'm gonna pull a mafuyu asahina: because of that, i've lost my assertiveness in group discussions and only voice out my thoughts when someone voices something similar to mine. if not, i try my best to change my opinion to connect with others more.

the only time i haven't changed my opinion is now. this is my true, unchanged opinion about you. i have genuinely tried to turn a blind eye to your mistakes and give you the benefit of the doubt, but i just can't anymore. i don't want to change what makes me [me] just to please people anymore/have the same wavelength as them.

again, i've been asking for a proper apology for my side. i've sacrificed a lot of things to maintain our friendship to the point i've almost discarded myself just to meet your standard of a "friend". before you go saying "well i didn't ask you to", well i wanted to. i wanted to be that one friend you can talk to anytime without feeling uncomfortable and feel happy just by being with them.

however, i've realized that i shouldn't change to meet anyone's standards. and once i've finally decided to talk about my thoughts, the same thoughts i've had about you and berating myself for thinking of those bad thoughts even though we were "friends", you go and point out those same flaws and didn't even try to acknowledge MY perspective?

i have tried so hard to see your side and validate your feelings. but to not even get the same treatment... or even a simple "sorry" directed towards me...

you're cherry-picking your faults. actually, you're not even picking out your faults-- you are just downplaying them by convincing yourself that we're worse than you. there are so many things i can call you out for, but i chose not to because - again - i turned a blind eye to you. even now, i still can't bring myself to say it.

am i guilt-tripping? possibly. a lot of times. but this all stems back to you: you were the one who made me like this, it was you who made me egotistical by making me feel in the right with your "advice", if you could even call it that.

clearly, you've only focused on alto's perspective. makes sense, you've been friends for... how many years now? basta,, but you've also admitted that WE WERE FRIENDS. we were best friends. please, you could've also tried seeing where i came from just like what i did to you, but you've just insulted me (and technically shit-talked about me behind me back with alto).

your perspective isn't dismissed; in fact, you are the one dismissing our perspective. alto's response was us trying to voice out our perspective and feelings towards it, and then you just downplay it by saying "yeah, well you guys are just misunderstanding it" and "i feel like my perspective is being dismissed"

and yeah, i admit that i was being provocative, passive-aggressively calling you a narcissist and manipulative. for that, i see what i did was wrong and i should've just shed light on your behavior and why i disliked it.

and if you still think you're in the right after all of this, then here: i thought you were okay with it since you've brushed it off with "HELP" and "LMAO" so i kept on doing it.

doesn't it hurt?

doesn't it sound familiar?

it's your perspective about bringing (boyfriend) around. you thought we were okay with him since we paid attention to him, laughed at his jokes, yada yada - but don't you see now? don't you see how ironic the situation is?

i'll contradict one of my points in my other rant: not everyone has the guts to confront someone about their behavior. you can't just downplay our perspective by saying "you should've just told me better/again". it's not that easy, sofronaria. it's not that easy to confront someone.

if you think i'm ignoring your perspective here, then i think you need to read my initial rant & alto's message again. the tone of the other rant wasn't as harsh as this, and alto's message started with an APOLOGY. A FUCKING APOLOGY. are you that negative to just skip over that part and give us some credit for actually giving you a proper apology?

i'm still scared of what people will think if they see this rant. it's too negative and harsh and i lack the empathy to acknowledge your efforts in this rant, but you are literally calling me out just to justify about your insults about me that - just like you - i have to defend my feelings. i have to finally stop being a people pleaser and take a stand.

that's all.

[isamabella]

rant rant

im not sure when coworkers started treating me differently and I dont know why. I wrote a novel so ignore this I just need to let it out.

my lead was really weird today. today she had the same job as me because some people get switched. she got on my case on whether I was going to get a person though I was doing something else. I also forgot to take my medication so my immune system chills out. it would've taken a minute tops but she saw me doing that and kept telling me I was taking my break. I kept telling her no. she didn't tell a single person to do that and ive never been told to either in my nearly three years being there. I would've let it go except I looked up and see my coworker smirking. theyre friends and that coworker used to be lead until she left then came back. it wasn't until my friend happened to see and hear them talking about the whole thing and laughing. the other coworker was also telling on me to the lead about how I didn't take my break like she told me to. I thought it would be obvious considering I said no about three times. the lead was acting like I wasn't doing my job. numbers wise we were equal.

I talked to my supervisors because everything was fine until she suddenly acted like she was powerful. they said they'd talk to her but next time pull her aside. for what? they said dont take it personally its a miscommunication. I told them if what she was trying to accomplish is that theyre saying then its not how it came across. my friend overhead her say I was doing something I wasn't. the new manager is letting the letting the leads write us up for nearly everything. so technically she can now write me up for telling her no and not taking my break. I'll be honest. this lead has been here a while but if you ask her anything the answer is "I dont know." she doesn't try helping us figure out the answer or find out herself like she should. I'm not joking I haven't asked her a question in probably six months. I will wait or call someone. my friend asked where the cotton swabs were that are not wrapped. she said she didn't know with a goofy smile then walked away. she works at that office the most of everyone that was there today and for years and she doesn't know. so shocking wow. never in the few years there have I felt like my coworkers were this big of assholes. I've never had issues with coworkers until the last year.

one has been rude and dismissive since day one. it's been almost a year. she was like that to my friend until she quit now its just me. another "friend" told a coworker something because they both act secretive about that coworker who has only been rude. this woman has gone out of her way to throw out patient documents I was working on and treated me badly overall but the people I'm supposed to be "friends" with treat me differently when it comes to her like I did something very wrong and I dont know why. ive called out one of them for similar behavior last year because a previous coworker physically bullied me and she told me "I dont know what to tell you." but she also said she wasn't friends with her. the job market in my field is awful so im not sure what to do. with my mystery medical problems I dont know I can leave. the only place there may be a chance will take months but I also dont want to lie about my medical stuff either. this isn't the place I mostly enjoyed last year. last week we were told we weren't allowed speak since there was no clinic. no speaking. for four hours. that didn't happen because my only actual friend and I are very unserious people and we couldn't stop laughing. im stressed out and it unfortunately makes me physically sick. it explains why I went home early last week.

[staringdownabarrel]

Anyway, here's some broad thoughts on the initial Riftwar trilogy.

I'm not really sure if it's really correct to describe this as a trilogy in the strictest sense. Yes, Silverthorn and A Darkness at Sethanon are two parts of the same story, but broadly speaking, they're more like a sequel duology to Magician than they are parts two and three of the same trilogy.

I know there's probably going to be people who read that and point out that a trilogy doesn't need to have an overarching storyline, it just needs to have the same set of characters, and that's fair enough. I don't really agree with that sentiment in this specific example though because everything, or at least almost everything, that Raymond E. Feist has written that's come since this initial trilogy has had that overarching storyline within the duology/trilogy/quadrilogy.

Really, I feel like a better description of this trilogy would be Magician, which has the titular rift war in it, and then the Great Uprising duology (e.g., Silverthorn and A Darkness At Sethanon). That'd be a better description of what the actual stories being told across these books are.

I think it'd also be a better reflection of the actual authorial intent on this point. Initially, Magician was written as a standalone novel, and then Silverthorn and A Darkness at Sethanon written because Feist felt he had more to write about this world. (This is also why it's described as a trilogy, despite my current diatribe of contention about this.) These two books are a sequel story, so it'd make sense to describe them as such.

Still, that's a very nitty gritty point and I'm not really sure anyone else is ever going to care enough about this to really strongly agree or disagree.

My other nitty gritty point of contention is really just a point of contention with the specific editions of Silverthorn and A Darkness at Sethanon more than anything else. Usually when a chapter ends and a new one starts, there's a page break at the end of the chapter. Every other book I own does this; so do most of the other books I've ever borrowed out from a library has done this.

My editions of Silverthorn and A Darkness at Sethanon don't do this. When one chapter ends, the next one will start on the same page. I guess there's nothing specifically wrong with doing this, but I'm not really a fan of it and I just think it's visually better to start a new page when you're starting a new chapter.

In terms of what this trilogy does well, I think it is good that the latter two books start to move away from the very basic fantasy world that Magician set up. Yeah, it's still kind of generic and it never completely gets rid of that mantle even in later books, but I think it does eventually do a good job at building on the foundations.

I am a little bit disappointed that it's just a generic fantasy setting, especially given that I thought the world of these books when I was in high school.

I think a lot of my response to these books now is based around how everything is expected to be this super layered take on its genre that deconstructs this or subverts that or reconstructs something else. Raymond E. Feist has never really been interested in doing that. I forget what interview he said this in, but he did explicitly say that he just ignores genre expectations and writes the stuff he wants to write, which is fair enough.

The other thing influencing this is that I tend to now really like it when a story touches on deeper themes. It doesn't always have to be the most thorough exploration of the themes known to man, or even more than a "Hey, this is a thing that's necessary to make this story work the way it does; read into it what you will" kind of thing.

This wasn't so much the expectation that I had when I was fifteen or sixteen. Back then, I was much more wiling to accept a story on face value, even if it never got into the nitty-gritty of how certain aspects of its setting work, or at least provide enough detail you could extrapolate chunks of it.

Nowadays, I just find it a little bit frustrating when a story doesn't do that as much. I get that some people just want simple escapism, and sometimes all I want is a bit of escapism too, but I think it's possible to do both escapism and have some stuff you can read into.

For the most part, Raymond E. Feist does the escapism part well, but not so much the stuff you can really read into. In fact, there's times when he actively tries to avoid having that kind of stuff in. Slavery, for example, exists in the Kingdom, but it exists only among the same kind of lines that exist in the US's thirteenth amendment (actually stricter--Kingdom prisoners only get enslaved for a life sentence). Free speech is more or less legally guaranteed, except for when a mad king and the villainous duke whispering in his ear try clamping down on it.

So while he does encourage the escapism part, his response to what the Kingdom's government is like is to hand wave it away and say, "Don't worry about that. The people have most of the same rights you do, except the right to vote." I have some issues with that, and I probably will get into it once I work out how to fully articulate my issues with it.

I understand why people would want this, and fantasy does have the reputation of being the escapist genre, but I think it is possible to have it as an ongoing thing that there's certain ongoing political problems that never fully go away, despite everyone's best efforts. Feist has already proven that's he's capable of doing that with the Empire trilogy.

I think I probably would enjoy this more if I was able to switch my mind off a little more and just enjoy the escapism. I can't really do that anymore, unfortunately.

It's also been interesting to see how much Feist's writing style has influenced my own, even after over a decade of not reading his books. Obviously I don't write fiction that much anymore--I mostly write lengthy rants about whatever media I've been consuming lately now--but there are certain stylistic things he does that I've been doing for years.

For example, he has this thing where when he starts a new chapter, the first sentence will be its own short paragraph, and then everything after will be a proper paragraph. This is something I've been doing for years. I'm assuming I probably initially did it to explicitly emulate him because I actually was genuinely a big fan of his books when I was in high school and in the years immediately after, and then just forgot this is where I picked it up from.

There's also times when there's been very specific features of a chapter that I recognise as something I also did in the dogshit short stories I was writing in high school. There was this one point in A Darkness at Sethanon where Arutha and company notice some features of Armengar's fortifications, speculate on their purpose, and then later have them explicitly confirmed by Guy du Bas-Tyra without having brought them up to him.

This is the kind of thing that I used to do as well. I vaguely remember having short stories I wrote in high school where that kind of thing was a part of the plot to characterise someone as particularly perceptive, or even occasionally just to pad out the word length for no reason.

Stuff like that has definitely gotten a "Huh, that's interesting" response from me. I don't necessarily know if I'd go as far as to say this kind of thing is bad writing, especially now I've admitted that it's influenced my own at various points in my life, but it is interesting to see how it has. Usually when I think of books that directly influenced me in some way when I was sixteen, I usually think of the Mortal Instruments trilogy, which actually did influence me both in ways I can explicitly describe (e.g., I drink my coffee black because Clary Fray did; I have a cat named Chairman Meow because Magnus Bane did) and ways I probably never will be able to fully explain.

It's not exactly surprising, though. What'd be more surprising is if this series, which for years of my life I considered to be one of my favourite series ever written, hadn't influenced me at all. I just didn't quite realise the ways in which it had until the last month or so of my life.

Anyway, that's all I've got for now.

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

Reblogging as my response to your reply was getting a bit dense lol, apologies in advance. I will completely understand if you ignore this it got away from me a bit.

I came across both of the articles you linked. I completely agree that his attitudes and understandings are clearly far from ideal, but it very much comes down to...I guess I'd call it understanding vs intent? I've read a handful of articles wherein he reiterates his belief that trans people deserve to feel safe and respected in hospital environments dating at a similar time to these two; not sure if you've seen that one post going around, talking about how earnest if ignorant support is far more useful and welcoming than perfect language with ulterior motives? Not a perfect comparison, but it's the best way I can describe my feelings here.

Having also had a look at his twitter, he seems to be consistent in voicing support for trans-inclusive policies and in responding with respect to trans commenters. Yes, he's wrong on some very important things, but frankly? I cannot remember the last time I heard anybody in a position of power speak about me like I was a real, living human being. His understanding is outdated, but he is advocating for respect where others are reducing us to predators and statistics.

I actually think he may have the perfect approach; flawed as it is he is presenting ideas that people who are on the fence/do not have a deep knowledge of trans issues can more easily be receptive to. I'm happy to save deconstructing biological sex for a later lecture if I steer people towards actual transgender resources instead of the radfem meatgrinder.

Obviously my opinion isn't going to be the same as every other trans person, but having discussed with a few close to me our consensus is that simply being acknowledged as something other than a threat or a disease is more than any of us were expecting, and that even if you're right and this is all pish, he's still the new head of healthcare publicly saying that trans people have rights. Can you honestly tell me any of us were expecting that today?

All that being said I'm with you on the last part and I'm absolutely not trying to sing the guy's praises. I'm just...really ready for anything close to a win, and the guy gave me a shred of hope for the first time in a while. Thank you for the response and I hope mines comes across in positive spirit its intended in.

Do you have any thoughts on Wes Streeting? Just seen an interview with him discussing trans health care and it's so much more supportive than I ever thought I'd see in recent years.

Wes Streeting is absolutely awful. Genuinely the first time I’ve heard someone say he’s spoken positively about trans healthcare. He’s been a flip-flop mess over it since he was made shadow health secretary.

He also wants to privatise the NHS. I do not trust him at all.

[layzeal]

Hi! I love your analysis on the characters because you always seem nice and open minded and not the kind of "I'm right, you are wrong", that's why I wanted to hear your opinion on this topic!

I've read that one of the most important character trait of Lan Wangji is being a sadistic, and instantly I was like "what but he's not AT ALL like that". I thought that person could be an anti but actually they wanted to praise the character. I have still thousand doubts because maybe it's me who totally read the character wrong after all this time, and because I've never read such opinion on the character, neither from the novel fandom nor from the drama or donghua fandom.

What do you think about it? :)

hi anon!! thank you 💓💕❤️ i'm glad you like them!!! (and i'm glad i come across that way, even though i have certainly slipped and said some things like that hahaha)

so my first reaction was "HUH?????" but i think i understand what that person must be talking about! and while i can't say that find his sadism "one of his most important character traits", it IS something that i think it's very endearing about Lan Wangji!!

(long post under the cut lmao)

so before we elaborate, lemme specify that in this case, i am specifically talking about the sexual, BDSM meaning for sadism. here, a sadist is someone who finds sexual pleasure in inflicting pain on their partner during sex, on the same vein that a masochist is someone who enjoys being inflicted pain on during sex.

most importantly however, this pleasure tends to be exclusive to the mindset one has during a sexual situation, and does not translate to regular everyday life, so if that person was saying that Lan Wangji is a sadist who obtains pleasure from hurting ANYONE or ANYTHING, at ANY MOMENT, then i absolutely disagree with it

okay, so... why do so many people LOVE that LWJ is a sadist? well, obviously i can't speak for everyone, but for me, i love it because of how well done it was. sadism IS an integral part of Lan Wangji character, and he KNOWS it, and for most of his life? it scared him

imagine it with me for a second: you are a 15 year old teenager, who's lived his whole life following very strict rules with a very strict view of how one should behave. you never once indulged in "common teenager behavior", you never felt the need to. then, out of nowhere, a gremlin boy comes into your life as the very embodiment of those behaviors—drinking, flirting, breaking rules, causing trouble, saying ridiculous things in class, reading... forbidden material,

that boy thinks you're a stick-in-the-mud. that boy wants you to loosen up a little. that boy tricks you into opening one of those forbidden books, and laughs at the face you make about it, then runs away happily. your blood boils, your face is red, you've never felt so hot and so frustrated in your life. you want to teach him a lesson

however, next day comes and that boy and his shidi join you on a nighthunt, and you come to the realization that he's actually... not as terrible as you first thought? he's a troublemaker, sure, but he's also incredibly competent, intelligent and even selfless if the situation calls for it. that... also stirs something in you.

then, that boy comes bearing "an apology gift", two cute, white little rabbits he caught himself, just for you. you know, deep inside, he's just doing this to get a reaction out of you. that's all he ever does. so when he makes an inappropriate joke and you (before you can even stop yourself) push him out the window, hearing him laugh joyfully even after he hit the floor, you feel that stiring again, that hot frustration, and at this point... you start suspecting something. something about what this feeling is

the thing is, for as much as you want to, you don't hate that boy. you hate how he makes you feel, but you don't hate him. in fact, you start suspecting quite the opposite. but you ignore it, and you push it aside, even as you catch yourself thinking about him, and doing the things he told you about—he's always in your mind... and you don't hate it. even when you catch yourself looking for forbidden material yourself, a type that not even that boy showed to you, a type that you can relate to, maybe even fantasize with

so, imagine now, that is how your very young life is going. then, one night... you have a dream, one very different. it starts out as a memory, but early on, it changes. in that dream, that boy teases you just a bit more cruelly, says some things with stranger implications, he pushes, and pushes you, and pushes you, and you break.

in that dream, you hurt him

and not just any kind of hurt. you do something unspeakable. the most immoral of acts a human can do. you hurt him as he cries and begs you to stop. you don't

and the worst part? you enjoy it

you were so certain, up until that point, that you were a good person. that you'd never want to hurt anyone, especially like this. so why does that dream make you feel that way? what does it mean?! that boy angers and frustrates you, sure, but you never ever wanted to hurt him. so you convince yourself that it was how your young, hormonal brain processes this anger, and tries to move on

and you don't think about why, by the end, you were holding each other close. why, by the end, you'd wanted him to enjoy it as well

KDFKSHC OKAY SORRY this ended up longer than i'd planned, but this? this is a VERY very common experience for teenagers who happen to have this type of sexual inclination to have. your mind is so young and you don't know much about sex at all, but your brain and your body betray you, and you feel drawn towards fantasies that by all means should disgust you. and it scares you, it scares you because if i enjoy these thoughs, then what does that make me?? so, much like lan wangji, those feelings get repressed and turned into something shameful for themselves

AND HERE IS WHERE WEI WUXIAN COMES IN!!! because that dream lan wangji had? it gets exposed in full sound and color to the very person it was about. now, up until that point, wangxian had already been exploring their sexuality together, and after their little fucking in the woods where lwj kept trying and trying to hold back as to not hurt him, apologizing and feeling frustrated that he can't (and who could, in his place?) wwx's reaction was to continuously rile him up more and more, because he DOESN'T want lan zhan to hold back!! no restraints, right? he wants all lan zhan has to offer!!! he wants lan zhan in all he can be!! he wants it, he enjoys it, even if it hurts!!

(how lucky, that this repressed little sadist found love in someone who turned out to be a repressed little masochist LMAO)

what is endearing about that incense burner extra is that lan wangji is visibly nervous and embarrassed about this dream, even now, even after him and wwx got married and have had sex many times. this is STILL something that lwj is ashamed about. and wei wuxian's response? to be as open as possible, to reassure him that he finds it SO hot, that he loves it, that he wants him to fuck him like that RIGHT NOW!! that there's nothing to be ashamed about cause guess what? wei wuxian is SO into it too, he's egging on little 15yo lan zhan on his actions against his own younger self!! and lan wangji finally lets it go!!! he accepts this part if himself, because now he knows it doesn't mean anything bad, it doesn't mean he's a horrible person who wants to see wei ying hurt and crying (he has, already, back when everything was falling apart), because he only wants it when he knows that wei ying wants it too. he only wants it if it's a way for wei ying to also enjoy himself

soo yeah, this is what i think that person meant when they said lan wangji was a sadist. he is!! actually, for as much as i love what the incense burner means to them, i personally don't even like reading it because of how violent it can be, and i cannot blame anyone for not being able to read it, but it IS very important to his character, and such a compelling look into his mind!

but you can also imagine how much it would have scared little lan zhan, and how validating it must have been years later, to finally know that hey, it's just a dream, and me? your husband who loves having rough mean sex with you? finds that EXTREMELY hot and it only makes me love you more ❤️💞💕