#Also hopeful some plot points left open might be to be picked up on a second season like depths on lily and christ | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sansaorgana · 2 months ago

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— THE SERPENT QUEEN

PAIRING — Sauron x fem!Maia!Reader

SUMMARY — The Queen of The Southlands is Adar's prisoner in Mordor but her husband comes back to set her free. At least that is what they want other people to believe. In fact, they seek their revenge on the Lord Father of the Uruks and they certainly are up to no good.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — The idea for this story started quite simple – Halbrand looks so hot in this episode that while rewatching I thought... what if he was like "set my wife free" instead of "let my people go"...? 🥵 And in the end the story grew much bigger plot-wise and it's quite long but I didn't want to split it in two parts because I feel like more interesting things are happening later in the story. 🙈🤣 The Reader is a Maia and she changes her forms but I did not describe how any of them look like except for a little detail that is a scar and I needed it for the plot. She is also a shape-shifter like her husband but she is known for being a serpent and she is referred to as (Y/N), which is her "Maia name" but I also gave her three other names, which are for her disguises and their meanings are explained in the fic. BTW there might be a second part to my Chrysalis fanfic! But I wanted to write something else first! 🦋

WARNINGS — Reader is not a good person, mentions of Morgoth's past abuse (towards her, Mairon and Adar), Reader is being beaten by the Orcs as their prisoner (she is a Maia, though, so it doesn't really damage her or anything... but still!), brief mentions of other prisoners dying (including children), Reader has a scar on her chest/breast, shape-shifting into a snake (can it be a tw?)

WORD COUNT — 8,500 (🙈)

ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.

THE SERPENT QUEEN

“Where did Halbrand’s wife ever learn how to use a sword?” Galadriel wondered after watching your little performance to show her that you indeed could pick the freshly forged weapon up and wield it.

You panicked at first, not knowing what to say, therefore you laid your eyes on your husband who was leaning on the wall with a smirk as he watched you. His tanned muscles, dirty from the forge’s grease, flexed in a very appealing manner as he smirked. After all, he was the master of deception, therefore you hoped he would come up with a good lie.

“That is how I fell in love with her, don’t you know?” He chuckled and shook his head, winking at you. “I started a tavern brawl once and there she was, showed up out of nowhere and pressed a knife to my throat, telling me to get out of her father’s tavern. She kicked my arse although I admit, I let her,” he added and you rolled your eyes.

“Bollocks,” you snorted at that. “Keep lying to yourself, Hal.”

Galadriel smiled at the story, however she remained vigilant.

“That does not answer my question,” she pointed out but you already felt more comfortable with lying since your husband had prepared the soil for it.

“My grandfather was a knight,” you told her. “A poor one that had been given some of his own land but he lost nearly all of his humble fortune because of gambling. He kept his sword, though, and I was his only grandchild. My old man never learnt how to wield it nor was interested in it but I picked it up quite fast. My grandfather was hesitant at first since I was a girl but he eventually gave in and taught me,” you added to make the story more believable. Galadriel, however, looked a little stunned while you grew frustrated. “Listen here, Elf, human women are stronger and more independent than you think. In the village not so far away from ours, there is this woman… Annie’s her name, am I right, Hal?” You looked at your husband with another made up lie.

“Aye, hard–headed Annie,” he nodded and Galadriel raised an eyebrow.

“She is a carpenter’s widow and when ol’ John died, Annie was left with nothing. She learnt the craft in a year and re-opened the workshop,” you told her and Galadriel seemed to be a little surprised but did not comment any further.

“Well, alright then, knight’s granddaughter,” she challenged you as she raised her own sword slightly to point its sharp tip at you. “Show me how you fight now. Holding the sword and waving it around is one thing but dueling with me is another,” she walked out of your house and you swallowed thickly, squeezing the sword’s hilt.

“Don’t overdo it,” Mairon squeezed your arm when you were on your way out. He leaned in to hiss it into your ear as he shot you a warning glance. “(Y/N), I mean it. Let her win in the end.”

You looked deep into his eyes without hiding your frustration and anger.

“Oh? You think I would defeat her? Have you forgotten already?!” You snapped at him, lowering aggressively your white blouse from underneath your corset with your free hand to show him a scar on your breast.

The scar Lady Galadriel had left there the very last time you had duelled with her back in the First Age during the battle where she had known you under a different name and profession, which was one of Morgoth’s Lieutenants. The wound had been inflicted with a steel from Valinor and its pure light had damaged your physical form forever – no matter what shape you took, your form always had a scar in the very same spot.

Your husband looked at the scar and chuckled at the sight of it, which annoyed you further.

“Just go and do your thing but don’t make her suspicious,” he said and you fixed your blouse before following Galadriel outside but not without giving him a scolding look.

Mairon walked out of the building as well and leaned on another wall now but this time in the shadow of the building’s roof where he was able to watch your duel with the Lady of Light.

“Do not fret, it is but a friendly sparring,” she smiled at you.

“I don’t fret,” you emphasised and charged at her.

You were trying to keep your rage at bay and despite the centuries since your previous fight, you quickly found your rhythm again that resembled a gracious dance of two fierce ladies. Feeling your husband’s gaze upon you, not without feeling frustrated and humiliated, you stumbled a few times and let out a few groans of effort to look more human and less experienced than you truly were, hesitating here and there before making the next move even though it had been calculated and planned already.

The Númenorian commoners living on the same street as you and your husband these days froze in the middle of the pavement and abandoned their daily errands to watch the sparring between two foreigner women and what fascinated them the most was how this extraordinary duel was between a human and an Elf. But what they did not know was the fact that the fight in front of their eyes was even more special than they realised.

It was a fight between two old enemies and none of them was mortal. A duel between the Lady of Light, Commander of the Northern Armies of High King Gil-Galad and the Serpent Queen – the only female Lieutenant of Morgoth and then Sauron’s right hand and wife. You had been enemies with her for long centuries now and even in the songs and legends you had always been put against one another. However, that was something even she did not know of at the moment.

You finally landed on the ground, your shoulder blades hitting the pavement as you dropped your sword. She would probably win either way, which was something you had to admit to your own self bitterly, however this time you allowed it to happen much quicker than usual. The way you fell down on the ground hurt your human flesh, therefore you let out a whine and Galadriel’s eyes widened slightly. She visibly felt bad about the fierceness in which she had defeated you despite assuring you of the friendly nature of this sparring.

But throughout the fight you could feel her frustration growing when she had realised you were better than she had been expecting.

“Are you quite alright?” She asked, reaching out towards you with his hand. “You fought well. Your style reminds me of someone very powerful I had once known… Your grandfather must have been a grand knight.”

“I am fine,” you drawled out through your gritted teeth and grabbed her hand, allowing her to help you stand up while you picked up the sword from the ground. The people watching on the pavement were slowly going back to running their daily errands. “Do you think my skills are enough to fight the Orcs?” You asked, innocently.

“Yes, I think so,” Galadriel nodded with a furrowed brow and looked behind you to meet your husband’s gaze. “If your husband allows it, that is.”

“I don’t need his permission for anything,” you shrugged your arms.

“Of course,” Galadriel smiled softly. “But I’m sure Halbrand here would not want to lose you, Maira.”

“I’m not worried about that,” he approached you two and stood behind you before wrapping his strong arm around your waist. “She’s invincible, that woman,” he leaned in to kiss your cheek and you giggled. “My woman,” he added and you patted his arm playfully.

Galadriel kept smiling gently at the two of you. She was very glad her plan was working out and of course you had been making sure it would. Your husband had been playing the role of a man who wanted to have nothing to do with his heritage and you played the role of an insisting wife, motivating her man to do the right thing. A classic, old tale.

“The Southlands will prosper under your rule, of that I am sure,” Galadriel whispered with hope in her voice. “King Halbrand and Queen Maira. Your bloodline will be the bloodline of the great and righteous kings.”

“And queens,” you winked at her with a chuckle.

About that one thing you agreed with her, actually – The Southlands would prosper under your rule.

You would heal it, after all. And then you would be moving along to heal more realms and lands. Until all of Middle-earth would be nothing but perfect.

You were not sure if the volcano exploding was part of your husband’s plan. It probably was but as usual he had not told you everything and it frustrated you greatly. Either way, you had no time to discuss it with him as the dust and fire began to cause chaos and destruction. As the (self-proclaimed) Queen of The Southlands, you busied yourself with pretending to be a protector of your subjects, helping women and children to seek shelter.

The darkness and disarray made it possible for all the Orcs to break free and begin their slaughter as well. And somewhere amongst the messy battle, you were suddenly thrown on the ground with all force and attacked by the filthy creatures you had once led to the battlefield yourself.

Therefore, you knew perfectly well everything about how they were fighting and how they were thinking. Surrounded by darkness and chaos you could show the true potential of your abilities since Galadriel could not see you and find them suspicious. This way, you slayed quite a few Orcs but there were too many of them charging at you and, eventually, they kicked the sword out of your hand and held you by your hair, throwing your head back to expose your neck for the dirty blade of the biggest one amongst them.

“Mairon,” you called for him with your mind. You needed a rescue – you did not want to lose this flesh, which would separate you from your husband for another few centuries.

You had been patiently waiting for his return, hiding away from the Valar who wanted to find and judge you. If you lost your flesh now like he had once lost his, you would have to be away from him for a few more centuries. What a cruel fate it would be but perhaps that was the way for the gods to punish you from afar.

And how ironic it would be if you lost your wife because of the Orcs like your husband had once lost his as well.

“Mairon!” You called for him again when the Orc’s blade moved closer to your neck.

Your husband, however, was busy fighting and perhaps he didn’t even sense your calling. There was only one thing you could do to save your flesh now, although it risked losing your disguise.

The human colour of your eyes subdued slowly and you allowed your pupils to narrow unnaturally as if you were a snake while one side of your human face swelled with thick, black blood flowing in your veins. The Orcs took a step back and looked at each other, confused. You quickly went back to your ordinary and innocent look, though, making them believe they had just experienced some sort of mirage.

They were only descendants of the ones who had been fighting by your side all the centuries ago before your army had turned their backs on you, leaving you in the middle of the battlefield to die from the wound Galadriel had inflicted upon you. Therefore, they could not remember you.

But, perhaps, the legend of the Serpent Queen was still being told between a father and a son amongst the Orcs. Amongst the Elves you were known as Lókë, too, just like your husband was known as Sauron. The Serpent and The Abhorred.

“I am Maira, Queen of The Southlands,” you breathed out the name of your human disguise to the Orcs, pretending to be as desperate as proud. “I am more valuable to you alive,” you added.

They were grunting between each other some things in the Black Speech, which you could understand perfectly but you pretended you could not. Finally, they agreed to let Adar decide your fate and you clenched your jaw at the mention of his name.

The one who had betrayed you and your husband. The one who had ordered the Orcs to leave you out to die in the battlefield where you had been fighting at the same time Mairon had been coronating himself. The war with the Elves had kept you apart on the day so important but you had been trying to remain hopeful – to win him a battle as his coronation gift and get your own coronation ceremony shortly after.

In fact, your husband had promised you that yours would be much grander and more beautiful if you had to have two separate ones. His had been supposed to be a humble one but yours would be the most breathtaking and splendid.

And after nearly coughing your lungs out after being wounded and naively left alone to die as if you were an ordinary mortal, you had crawled out of the battlefield, leaving a bloody trail behind you. And when you had arrived at your fortress, all you had found was Mairon’s dead body.

Knowing he would eventually come back to you, you focused on healing yourself and hiding from the outside world since now you had no army and no husband by your side, meanwhile the Valar had been searching for you. And all this time, you had been tempted to find Adar and seek your revenge but you knew your husband would not be happy that you had taken this from him. He had been the one personally slain by Adar, therefore the vengeance was his to take.

The Orcs put the shackles around your wrists and dragged you behind them to some shed where you were supposed to wait. And while you were on your way there, you finally heard him.

“(Y/N)?” You sensed a panic in his tone. “We are leaving, I am faking an injury. Where are you?”

“Go, Mairon,” you answered. “I am their prisoner and I am sure you can make an advantage of it,” you assured your husband with your mind. He was not replying for a while as if he was thinking about a new scheme.

“I will be back,” he only assured you after a while and you smirked to yourself.

“I know.”

Beaten and bruised, hair full of mud and dried out blood, you were dragged in shackles alongside other human prisoners and you were given no special treatment due to your status. Of course, despite the unpleasant experience of your human form, none of that could truly affect you because you were not bound to your flesh.

If you truly were who you were claiming to be – a human common woman Maira – you would be long dead now, of that you were sure. In fact, you could see some of the humans dying out of exhaustion or injuries and they were mostly women and children.

Each time they were feeling worse, like the true Queen of The Southlands, you were begging for mercy and for help. And each time you were punished for that but of course nothing could damage your flesh permanently – except for pure Elven steel that represented the light of Valinor… but the Orcs did not possess such weapons, naturally.

They worked on some sort of a primitive settlement for themselves and the humans were required to help them. As a woman you were given a bit lighter jobs around and you were performing them although you wondered when would Adar finally grace you with an audience as you were gritting your teeth and wondering where your husband was and what was he doing.

And, finally, one day, while working alongside others, you spotted Lord Father taking a walk around the camp. He was talking to a few Orcs and nodding his head at their reports.

You lifted your head up and Adar turned around this very moment as if he felt some sort of a connection between you two. Your eyes met and he tilted his head slightly when you were giving him a hateful look before going back to work.

After a short while, you were being beckoned over by the Orcs to approach them and Adar.

“You!” One of them called in his filthy, raspy voice. “Queen of The Southlands,” he addressed you with irony. “Come ‘ere, Your Majesty,” he emphasised the title as the rest laughed.

You straightened your back and walked up to them as much as the collar around your neck attached to a chain allowed you to. It was not enough, so Adar took a few steps ahead to stand closer to you and examine your face. You could feel your hatred for him growing and making your fists clench around nothing.

“What do they call you, Your Majesty? I believe your name has escaped me,” he started.

“Maira, my Lord,” you remained polite to pose as a person full of dignity no matter what circumstances were.

“Maira…” Adar hummed to himself and furrowed his brows. “The name sounds oddly familiar to me.”

Of course it did, what an idiot, you thought. You named your human disguise after your husband’s true name. And perhaps it had been a mistake, you had just realised.

“Named after my great-grandmother, I was,” you nodded at him. “I wanted to talk to you for a while now, actually. About the way you treat my people here. They need more food and water, better shelters at night, especially children,” you continued your play-pretend. “But I don’t think you want to talk to me about that, am I right?” You sighed.

“My children work as hard as your people. We all start with nothing here,” Adar pointed out and you clenched your jaw at his words.

“Yet your children walk freely and we have collars around our necks,” you told him.

“There is a price one must pay for being defeated,” he pointed out and lowered his gaze at the place where your blouse was torn, revealing a small part of your scar.

Adar furrowed his brows and lowered your blouse down with his cold finger as a shiver travelled down your spine and your heart began to pounder.

“My husband would kill you for that, my Lord,” you threatened but he ignored you.

“Where did you get a scar like this? I’ve seen you back there on the battlefield and you fought well, my Queen,” he addressed you with sarcasm, of course, “and you seemed to be experienced in combat.”

“The scar is not from any combat and I’ve been taught how to fight by my grandfather, he was a knight,” you answered his question but he kept staring at your scar and tilting his head. Was it possible that he could sense the source of the old wound? He was an Elf after all and what had poisoned you forever now was made out of Valinor’s light. “Aye, my Lord, the scar is from my past when I was a very young maiden and didn’t listen to my mama as I wandered around the woods on my own. Don’t worry, I defended myself and you should see the other guy,” you chuckled nervously and Adar finally raised his eyes to meet your gaze but he still looked unconvinced.

One of the Orcs approached him as he kept staring at you suspiciously. He whispered something into Adar’s ear and you could hear the word serpent as you realised that the same Orc had been one of those who had captured you before.

Adar nodded at him and laid his eyes upon you once more, this time even more intrigued than a moment earlier.

“My children claim you pulled a magic trick on them,” he pointed out and you had a feeling that denying it would only make it look worse for you, so you came up with another excuse.

Actually, you realised that lying was not such a difficult craft. So far, you had been mostly relying on your husband to prepare the soil for your deceptions but now, when he was not around to help, you found out it was not that hard to do it on your own.

“My grandmother was a witch, they say,” you remarked.

“You seem to be coming from a very interesting bloodline,” Adar smirked and you sighed.

“You want to talk about my ancestors, my Lord? Sure, why not. I feel myself invited for dinner then, but is it not rude to keep your guests in shackles?” You raised an eyebrow and his facial expression hardened immediately.

“Where is your husband, I wanted to ask?” He finally inquired what he had called you for in the first place.

“The hell would I know?” You shrugged your arms. “What do you need him for?”

“To send him a message that I have you,” Adar explained. “What other use are you to me if not a bargaining chip?” He pointed out. “If he doesn’t come for you, I can kill you easily and get rid of the burden.”

“He will come back,” you assured him with a head nod as your eyes became serious in an instant. “I don’t know where he is but he will not forsake me. You can expect him any day,” you added. “Not only I was left behind, my Lord, but his subjects, too.”

Adar nodded at you and dismissed you before walking away. You, however, stood still and kept staring at his back with nothing but pure hatred.

“What are you staring at?!” One of the Orcs barked at you. “Go back to work, whore!”

“You have no idea who you have just called a whore,” you only told him before turning around and going back to other prisoners. The Orc laughed at you. “Scum,” you muttered under your breath.

The day was windy and dark – like all days nowadays in the land that Adar had renamed to be Mordor. Mairon quite liked the sound of it and he thought he would not change it. Unless his wife would insist, of course. You hated everything that came from Adar, therefore you could want to change the name and he would not blame you.

If you two did not need the army of the Orcs so badly, you would probably insist on getting rid of them, too. That was how much you hated Adar and his children.

A few weeks you had suffered at the Orcs’ camp while your husband worked in Eregion with Lord Celebrimbor – pretending to be worried and heartbroken about his wife’s imprisonment, of course – but now he was finally back to free you and to continue his plan.

He had not been actually heartbroken – he knew his Serpent Queen was strong and truly invincible but he had been worried indeed. Worried that your impulsive nature had given your disguise away somehow during that time.

After turning himself in he was led in chains, with a collar around his neck, to see Adar alongside other humans captured on the way. He witnessed some people being killed for refusing to kneel in front of their new Lord and some being marked with burning iron for choosing to follow the new leader. As a man posing to be their King and protector, Mairon had to pretend to be sympathetic towards their fate.

“The King of The Southlands turned himself in, Lord Father,” one of the Orcs pushed him to stand closer to Adar who had been squinting his eyes at the man in front of him. “Says he wants to negotiate.”

“Is she alive?” Mairon asked as his voice broke a little although he knew perfectly well that you were – his sweet (Y/N), he could sense your presence from miles away now.

Adar hesitated before giving him an answer, visibly debating with himself inside of his mind.

“Worried about the witch, are you?” Adar finally asked and Mairon gritted his teeth.

What looked like him being angry at Adar for calling his wife a witch, was nothing but his anger towards you for being impulsive enough to earn such a title amongst them now.

“What are you talking about?” Mairon asked.

“Nothing,” Adar shook his head and chuckled. “She is alive and a burden to us all. Her wicked tongue and her big mouth surely are. If you want to take her, I am not going to ask for much in return. I will gladly get rid of your Queen,” Adar remarked and the Orcs laughed.

Mairon moved uncomfortably. It was all a game, of course, but he felt real rage now at the disrespect these filthy creatures were showing to their rightful Queen.

“That is good to hear but I am here not only as her husband. I am here as the King of my people, too,” Mairon pointed out. “Let them go.”

The Orcs laughed again, which was something he had been expecting. Adar remained serious, though, and so did Mairon.

“...or yours will die,” he threatened, although as a human he was posing to be he could not do anything, of course.

Perhaps he shouldn’t be so angry with you for making too many hints about your real nature because he was giving in to the temptation himself now. It was simply impossible for creatures as proud as you two not to hint at your real greatness when you were forced to be humiliated by the circumstances.

Adar finally shook his head and snorted at Mairon’s threat.

“My people defeated the Men of these lands,” he said. “We defeated the Elves who came to their aid. We even defeated the allies, the Men from beyond the sea,” he stood up from his throne to walk up to Mairon. “There is no one left for us to fear.”

“There is one,” Mairon said to that, pretending to look hopeless and defeated. “Since Galadriel’s defeat, she sought out new allies,” he continued as Adar kept staring at him angrily but not without a hint of fear on his scarred face. “An ancient sorcerer and a Lady of Darkness, to instruct the Elves in forging a new weapon.”

The Orcs were visibly upset about the news as they looked at each other, worried.

“One you first told her about,” Mairon kept teasing to plant an idea inside Adar’s mind that he could be a source of his children’s demise. “A power over flesh,” he explained. “Do you remember those words? A power that will allow them to use your children as slaves in their army once more,” he finished his teasing. “I fled from them after finding out with whom the Elves wanted to forge an alliance,” he continued with the lie.

“Galadriel would never have anything to do with them. She spent long centuries fighting them and their evil,” Adar shook his head.

“Nothing brings people together as much as a common enemy. Perhaps she hates your children more than she hates them,” Mairon answered.

“Besides, they are both slain,” Adar chuckled nervously, trying to convince others as much as himself, therefore Mairon ignored that accusation.

“Set my wife free, let my people go, and I will tell you where they can be found, so you can destroy them and rid us both of their endless evil,” he made sure to sound a little frightened as well.

“No, Your Majesty,” Adar addressed him with irony as he moved even closer. “You will tell me everything you think you know of this sorcerer and his serpent whore now. Or I will spill the words from your throat.”

“If I die, all that I know dies with me,” Mairon pointed out. “You can’t kill me.”

“We’ll see for how long you keep that attitude,” Adar smirked before looking at one of the Orcs. “Bring her.”

You knew that your husband was back already, you could sense him for long hours now. However, you kept working as usual and pretending that you could not sense anything. The Orcs were already calling you a witch and you wanted them to think of you as an innocent village folk healer instead of a real sorceress with any grand powers because that would be too suspicious.

“You,” you felt a dirty hand grabbing you and turning you around as you nearly bumped into an Orc standing there.

“What is it?” You furrowed your brows, expecting him to inform you that you were free to go after your husband’s negotiations.

This, however, did not happen. Of course. Life would be too beautiful then.

You were dragged by the chain towards one of the wooden huts and thrown inside on the hard floor. You scratched your hands when you landed on it with your arms extended to avoid bumping your head.

“She is no part of this,” you heard a familiar voice and you raised your head as your eyes sparkled and a smile appeared on your face at the sight of your husband.

He had a collar around his neck as well and he was as dirty and bruised as you were, chained to a wooden pillar. You wanted to run up to him but the chain around your neck was too short to be able to reach him as the Orcs laughed and they chained you to another pillar. This way you could face your husband but you could not touch him and what a great torment it truly was.

It was surely a torment much greater than the physical pain they were inflicting upon you to make him talk. And while they kicked and punched you, you dissociated – staring blankly at the wall and being grateful for the fact you were a creature powerful enough to be able to mentally leave your body like this.

“Stop it!” Mairon begged in a raspy voice as one of the Orcs kept his head still, forcing him to watch. When you laid your eyes on him once, you swore, he even faked a tear streaming down his cheek.

“I’m sorry,” you heard his voice inside your head and it made you realise that the tear was not a play-pretend. Watching you being in pain was not something he enjoyed unless it was in your intimate moments – something rooted in love and mutual consent.

“I can handle that,” you answered. “What is your plan?”

“I will tell you when we are left alone by them. Can you endure a bit more, my love?” He asked, worryingly.

“I would endure centuries of that for you, Mairon,” you assured him. “I will, however, lose consciousness now,” you warned him so he would not be scared before you pulled the trick on the Orcs and forced your flesh to shut down, pretending to faint out of pain.

Enduring the pain they were causing you was easy. Watching them hurt your husband was worse even though you knew that his case was exactly like yours and none of the damage could truly take him down or become too unbearable. Watching his pain was still making your heart ache as you sobbed and begged them to stop while your head was being kept still and forced to observe like his head had been held earlier by them as well.

The Orcs were taking turns in tormenting you both and you already knew all of Mairon’s plan, which he had revealed to you when they had left you for the night, thinking you would sleep the injuries off, not knowing that rest was not something any of you needed.

One evening the Orcs brought a growling and snarling warg with a collar around his neck like yours and chained him to yet another pillar. He could not hurt any of you because of the length of his chain but they assumed his presence would make you more scared as they walked out laughing and wishing you a good night ironically.

“Aww, poor baby,” you sighed and leaned your head back on the wooden pillar behind you. “Look, my love, they keep him on such a short chain. It should be a crime,” you pointed out. “Shh, shh, sweetheart, it’s fine now,” you cooed to the warg and he barked at you angrily. “Oh, don’t be cross with me, it was not me putting you here!” You chuckled at him and took a look at your husband from the corner of your eye.

He was sitting up as well, leaning on his pillar and staring at you lovingly from between his ruffled brown hair with a soft smile.

“You’ve always liked them,” he whispered.

“What is there not to like about those big, hairy beasts that tend to bite?” You teased him with a wicked smile and he chuckled while shaking his head.

“Do you remember witnessing me like that for the first time?” He asked and you smiled at the memory.

“You stepped on me, my love,” you said and he laughed, therefore you pouted, “and I do not find it funny!”

“You were easy to overlook, my darling. You were a snake then,” he reminded you

“First of all, I was the most beautiful snake in the woods, so you should have spotted me immediately,” you teased. “Second of all, I was terrified, remember? It was the first time I transformed and I could not repeat it. I truly thought I would never go back into my old shape…”

“But then, a big werewolf stepped on you and you suddenly changed into the fair maiden that you are to scold him,” he finished the story. “My wife.”

“Your wife,” you nodded with a smile. “I recognised you immediately, my husband. I recognised you by your eyes alone even though they were yellow orbs of the beast but something about them told me it was my Mairon.”

“And you hopped on me and I took you back to the fortress and our master laughed at that, remember? He called me your dog then,” he chuckled as he shook his head but you frowned at the mention of Morgoth.

“I never liked how he would humiliate you,” you admitted.

“This humiliation I did not mind,” he said.

“This whole thing,” you looked around, “reminds me of the past. Adar treats us like our master once did – making me watch you being hurt and forcing you to witness my torment. Do you think he is inspired by what our master was doing to us? And now he is inflicting it upon… well, us?” You chuckled sadly.

“I… don’t want to remember that,” your husband winced as he leaned his head back on the pillar behind him.

“Forgive me,” you looked down.

“Do you know what pains me the most?” He asked and you raised an eyebrow at him. “That we will forever be known and remembered as his subjects. His followers and his successors. His shadows.”

“There is nothing else we can do. In Valinor we are no longer welcome,” you shrugged your arms, however the old scar nearby your heart burnt at the mention of your home where, deep down, you longed to come back.

But not without Mairon.

“They wanted to give us a chance,” your husband reminded you in a whisper.

“And you really think they would allow us back in on the same terms? Don’t be foolish,” you snorted. “We would forever be outcasts amongst them and they would never trust us. And we would have to bow our heads for the rest of our lives – bow them lower than others to remain in their good graces. I’d rather be known as our master’s shadow and forever wear the stain of being his property once than to bow down in front of anyone ever again!” You drawled out through gritted teeth with determination and Mairon met your gaze, a little taken aback by your outburst. “You are the only one I can bow my head to.”

“You do not have to bow your head to anyone, my love,” he assured you.

At that very moment you were interrupted by a filthy human working for Adar and the Orcs – he was the worst amongst all of these creatures because he was doing all these things not because he had to or out of his nature but simply because he wanted to remain in their good favours no matter what.

He laughed with contempt at the sight of you and your husband and by the stink alone you recognised that he was carrying food for you.

“Am I interrupting’ somethin’, lovebirds?” He asked, to which you and your husband said nothing. “Come on, Your Majesties,” he teased. “Not even kings and queens can go without food,” he reminded you and he had lots of reasons to because you both had been refusing to eat for days now.

He crouched down next to you, probably too scared to tease your husband or perhaps you were more pleasant for his eye. Either way, you wanted to make him regret that.

You did not enjoy being perceived as weaker than your husband only because you were a woman. One thing you had to admit about your master – he had never treated you any different because of your gender. The pain, the torture, the punishments, the responsibilities – you had been gifted the very same ones as any other.

“Why doesn’t he want to open up?” Waldreg whispered into your ear as you kept staring at your husband only, ignoring him completely. “Mayhaps he doesn’t care about you so much, does he? Mayhaps it doesn’t bother him to see you in pain, Your Majesty.”

You clenched your jaw at his words. He had absolutely no idea how much Mairon cared. How much he had been caring for centuries now. How many times he had taken your master’s anger on himself to protect you.

“Mayhaps he told you what he knew, huh?” Waldreg continued. “I’m sure he did. You tell old Waldreg everything you know about Sauron and Lókë…”

Suddenly, you turned your head around to hiss at him, letting out a sound the very same as any real serpent would. Waldreg got startled and jumped back before stumbling down and falling as you chuckled with contempt.

“Pain must be something you enjoy!” He exclaimed at you and threw the food on the floor as two Orcs hurried to his side to help him stand up.

“Oh, mayhaps I do,” you mocked the word he had been teasing you with before and you gained a kick in the face in return from one of the Orcs. Blood filled your mouth as you laughed and the warg next to you began to snarl.

“After Lord Father releases us, I’m going to kill you,” your husband told Waldreg when you were spitting the blood out of your mouth.

“Adar doesn’t even remember you two are here,” Waldreg laughed.

But you knew it was not true – you would never forget the look in Adar’s eyes at the sight of your scar. You were sure he was intrigued by you and your husband and you even had that unsettling feeling that he simply… knew who you truly were.

The Orc, still standing above you, raised his hand to strike another blow and you tensed your muscles, preparing your flesh to endure it.

“I’ll take it,” Mairon interrupted him. “Leave her, I’ll take it,” he pleaded. “She is my wife and I am responsible for her big mouth and her stunts,” he insisted.

Tears filled your eyes at that because he had begged your master the same way once after the battle you had lost – she is my wife and I am responsible for her failure. I’ll take the punishment, leave her, I beg of you.

The Orc looked at Waldreg, a little confused. But Waldreg shrugged his arms in return because it did not matter to him which one of you would be beaten – he simply enjoyed the act. Therefore, the Orc only growled at you before he approached your husband to beat him instead.

What you did not sense in all that mess was the fact Adar was standing nearby and overhearing the last few sentences, which had reminded him of the twisted couple he had known in time long gone now, yet still fresh in his memory.

Your flesh was of a human, therefore it regenerated quicker when asleep. So, some nights you and your husband allowed yourselves to drift off to the land of dreams. You had done that on the previous evening but you quickly regretted that choice because the dream you had was far from pleasant.

It was not a dream, really. It was more of a memory that you found yourself inside of once more – the long and endless road you had crawled with a bleeding wound in your chest, only to find your husband’s dead body abandoned in the fortress in the puddle of his thick, black blood.

You had sobbed and taken his cold hand into yours as you had laid upon his still chest, burying your face in the red fabric of his robe, stained with his blood now, still sensing his weak presence somewhere around the fortress but it had been ungraspable, therefore hugging his dead flesh had been all you could do. You had brushed his ginger hair one last time with a sad smile and had fallen asleep there, on top of him, sobbing and defeated. Alone.

When you opened your eyes, though, you were back to reality. And there was Adar standing above you, staring intensely. You furrowed your brows at him but he did not say anything and crouched down to remove the collar from your neck and set your hands free from the shackles before standing up again without a word. He walked over you to stand above Mairon now, waiting for him to wake up as well.

You sat up lazily, wondering what would happen now and your husband woke up as well not long after you.

“I was in your place once,” Adar said as you watched, intrigued. Mairon was still laying on the floor and staring at the ceiling. “In the eldest of the Elder Days,” Adar continued. “Thirteen of us were chosen to be blessed of Morgoth’s hand with the promise of power,” he crouched down to be closer to your husband’s face.

You looked up to exchange a confused look with Waldreg and one of the Orcs standing by the door to the hut. That small string of connection between the three of you in that moment was nearly funny if the situation was not so serious.

“A new birth. I was led up to a dark and nameless peak. Chained and left with nobody to keep me company except for a vicious serpent coming to visit me sometimes,” Adar confessed and the pain in his voice was raw and authentic.

You saw something glistening in the dim light and, to your surprise, that was your husband’s tear streaming down his cheek. You understood why – the first Uruks had not been the only ones that Morgoth had been torturing. Despite being enemies with Adar, you had a strong connection with him through the suffering you all had endured back in the day from the hands of the one you all had been calling your master.

“And after what seemed endless thirst and hunger…” Adar continued his story. “I saw them. His servants’ faces. Sauron’s face… It was beautiful. And Lókë’s, too, for she followed him everywhere. Her eyes… Those were the very same eyes as of the serpent that had been keeping me company in those endless days and I realised she had been the one to join me in my misery. And until this day I do not know if it was her mercy, her sympathy or her wicked passion for witnessing somebody else’s pain.”

You swallowed a lump in your throat, stopping yourself with every fibre of your being from telling him that it had been sympathy – it had been nothing but pure sympathy and what had been his repayment? Betrayal.

Although some part of you understood his reasons, too. It had all been for his children. Perhaps one day you would understand this kind of love as well but it would require you to forever bind yourself to your physical form and you were not sure if it was a sacrifice you would ever be ready to make.

“Lókë wiped the dirt, sweat and blood off of my face. Sauron offered me wine, red as a blood moon,” Adar went on with his story. “He offered me wine and on that dark and nameless peak, I drank it. I drank it all.”

You saw your husband glancing at you with his teary eyes and now your own eyes were wet, too, after being reminded of that day.

“Your wife is no longer in chains. Your people have been set free,” Adar announced. “Now, tell me what you know of Sauron and Lókë,” he demanded and your husband moved his head up slightly as his blood-covered lips curved into a smile.

“Sauron has returned in a new form and his lover forged herself a new flesh as well,” your husband revealed. “I am not yet sure what shape they have taken.”

“Then of what use are you to me?” Adar asked, angrily, while standing up.

“I have something you don’t,” your husband teased him. “The trust of the Elves. Release me, release my wife,” he continued, “and we’ll go to them and I’ll seek Sauron out, so you can marshal your legions to destroy him.”

Long silence occurred, in which you assumed Adar was overthinking the proposition.

“We want the same thing you do, Lord Father,” you whispered, your voice nothing but a shaky breath. Adar turned around to look at you intensely and you pretended to startle a little. “We want Middle-earth to be free of evil.”

It was no lie – you wanted nothing else. You wanted this world to be a good and happy place. Healed.

Adar took a deep breath in and eventually nodded at Waldreg, who walked up to Mairon hesitantly.

“Do you vow allegiance to Adar, Lord Father of the Uruks?” He asked, giving you a quick glance before looking back at your husband.

You waited for Mairon’s decision first and you could see how much it costed him to say that word even though it was only a game you two were playing.

“Yes,” he said.

“Yes,” you followed.

“Then kneel,” Waldreg ordered. “Both of you,” he turned his head around to look at you.

You moved yourself up on trembling legs, pretending to be moved and scared. Your husband was still in shackles, therefore he struggled to get onto his knees and it pained you to watch him so humiliated. You approached him to help him but Adar extended his hand to stop you from any further movement. You froze and waited for your husband to get on his knees first before you would join him.

And when he was on his knees, you felt Waldreg hitting your back and making you fall down upon yours as well even though it was unnecessary because you planned on doing that anyway. You looked up at him with hatred.

“Now, swear it,” he ordered.

It was all a play-pretend, you had to remind yourself. Being on your knees in front of a man who had betrayed you once was so humiliating, though, that you wanted to cry for real. And something about Adar’s proud and intense gaze was telling you he truly knew who you were.

“I vow–” your husband began.

“With your head at my feet,” Adar interrupted him and you looked up at him with anger before you began to follow his order before your husband even moved, still taken aback by such a request.

“Not you,” Adar stopped you. “Him.”

You swallowed thickly and exchanged a look with your husband before he eventually gave in and laid his face on the ground in front of Adar’s boots.

“I vow to serve the Lord of Mordor,” your husband whispered. To the end of my days… and his,” he finished.

Adar laid his eyes on you now, still kneeling as your thighs trembled slightly.

“I vow to serve the Lord of Mordor,” you bowed your head, humbly. “Till death removes me from the responsibility,” you added.

Adar nodded and walked away. Waldreg freed your husband from his collar and his shackles although he did not look happy about it. When Mairon was finally free, you cupped his face and leaned in to press your forehead to his before kissing him briefly with a big smile to be able to hold him again.

You were given one black horse you had to share but you did not mind it at all as you hopped on it to sit behind your husband and wrap your arms around his waist before pressing your cheek to his shoulder blade.

Very slowly he was leading the horse out of the camp and when you were on the hill above it, you heard a scream of pain from the distance. Your husband stopped the horse as you both chuckled because it was the scream of Waldreg being eaten by the warg left behind in the hut. The one you had tamed during your stay there and now you had your revenge on the filthy human.

And soon, on all of them.

“You know,” you mumbled out.

“Hm?”

“I quite enjoy our adventures as Halbrand and Maira,” you admitted and squeezed your husband tighter.

“We have been tortured for weeks now, my love,” he pointed out with a laugh.

“I know but apart from that… There is a certain charm to it,” you explained.

“Yes, I am aware,” he admitted with a head nod and ordered the horse to move again. “However, we have a work to finish in Eregion.”

“Do you have a new name already?” You asked him, teasingly.

“Annatar, Lord of Gifts,” your husband answered. “You?”

“Fëanár,” you revealed and waited for his response. “The patron saint of the fire… to spark a brand new inspiration within Lord Celebrimbor’s forge,” you explained your choice.

“Soul of fire,” your husband hummed to himself. “Bold one. I like it,” he admitted and you smiled to yourself, hugging him tighter, proud of yourself.

Proud and happy to be with him. Wherever the road would take you two.

MASTERLIST

#sauron x reader #halbrand x reader #annatar x reader #lilysfiction

217 notes · View notes

tinalbion · 5 months ago

Note

Hi Tina!!!

I just saw your requests are open for Logan...❤️‍🔥

Might I request something a wee bit nsfw? (actually completely nsfw if I'm being honest here) I just saw a tiktok that did a deep dive into wolverine's animalistic instincts and I seriously cannot stop thinking about it.

Those instincts in bed? yes please

With that being said can we get some biting and possessiveness up in here. I was thinking maybe Logan is a bit embarrassed by it but reader is completely accepting. It's mating szn and Logan's in heat 🥵🥵🥵

'𝐈 𝐀𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐇𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐞' ||

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Logan Howlett/ The Wolverine x fem!Reader

𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞! Minors, DO NOT interact! Smut with some plot, kitchen sex, fem!Reader, unprotected p in v, biting/ marking, possessiveness, jealousy, animalistic tendencies, canon typical language, dirty talk, Logan gets embarrassed by being a little freak

𝐋𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐡: 5.2k

𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: My lovely friend @nepptunez also asked for some animalistic Logan, and I want to make a little drabble about that later, but definitely needed to get this out of my system 😅 But I hope you both enjoy!

It was always the same thing when you and Logan had your times together, you would have this song and dance around one another, and he was hesitant and reserved while you were craving him in unspeakable ways, but it always ended up in a heated and frustrated session that left you breathless regardless. But there was always something about Logan that seemed to feel off to you like he was hiding something. You knew he wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize you both, you had much more trust in him than you had in anyone in your life, so you wanted to get to the bottom of it before making it a big deal.

You had no idea where to start or how to figure out what was ailing him, but you knew he’d been through a lot in the past, you never held that against him. Maybe it had something to do with trying to trust himself to open up, you knew he was a tough egg to crack most days. Either way, you sat at the kitchen table with your drink, scrolling through your phone aimlessly as if your mind was somewhere else.

Logan walked in, waking up slowly from sleep as he wiped the rest from his eyes, he saw you awake already, which wasn’t usual but it didn’t bother him. “Mornin’,” he grumbled as he shuffled to the coffee pot.

You smiled as you looked up at him, watching as he rolled his shoulders, cracking the bones and stretching his muscles. “Morning, Logan, sleep well?”

“Yeah. You’re up early.” Always the man of few words in the mornings. He poured himself a cup of coffee and leaned against the counter, staring at you as he adjusted to the sunlight.

You peeked over at him with a smile and shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep, my brain never turns off when I want it to,” you laughed, trying to avoid the conversation you were dreading, you just wanted to figure out what his problem was without getting him upset, especially if it meant him having to work through some unresolved issues. You hated forcing him to talk about it, knowing he’d spit it out when he was good and ready.

Logan nodded as he listened, his cup brought to his lips as he watched you, your heartbeat picked up slightly, as did your temperature. He took notice of these things, but he never commented on them, not unless it became too much of a problem in his eyes. “I get that,” he said softly, drinking more of his coffee from the mug in his hand.

“Speaking of, I noticed you haven’t been dreaming as much,” you pointed out with a genuine smile. “I’m happy something is working for you,” you said with a hum that followed.

This made his eyes flicker away from you, feeling almost, what, shame, embarrassment? He wasn’t sure, but it was a good point; he hadn’t been waking up with as many nightmares as before. Logan had just let out a huff in reply and nodded before taking another sip of his coffee. “I suppose I haven’t,” he mused. “Guess I have that goin’ for me.”

You just stared up at him softly and offered a kind smile. “Yeah, I’m happy about that, means you can finally get some good sleep,” you joked and stood up from your chair, walked up to him, and kissed his cheek gently as you grabbed more coffee. “Oh, by the way, I got some errands to run, so if you need anything you can let me know, okay?”

Logan had always gone with you on your errands, especially since getting used to this world, the one that was still foreign to him, but this time, he sensed your hesitancy. He shot you a look and seemed almost offended. “I ain’t goin’ with you?” He asked.

“Well, you can stay home and relax if you want, it’s just gonna be a quick thing,” you said softly, pouring some creamer into your cup and mixing it.

Logan didn’t like that, he didn’t like the quick brush-off or how you insisted he stay behind. Maybe it was just you wanting him to relax, not to become too overwhelmed considering all of this was still new to him. But something in the way you were acting was getting him slightly riled up. He watched you carefully as you walked back to your seat, acting as if nothing was out of the ordinary. He didn’t want you to leave the house without him, it felt wrong, and he understood this thought process was… not right, it was stupid. But why was he growing irritated with the thought of you leaving him here?

You scrolled through your phone a bit and checked the weather, seeing how warm it would be today, then you finished your coffee and smiled as you stood up, looking at Logan as he continued to look miserable. You looked at him with your brows furrowed, he seemed to be avoiding your gaze.

“Logan, is everything okay?” You asked him as you always did, and he would probably respond the way he always did.

“Yeah, everything’s fine.”

There it was. You sighed a little but nodded and smiled softly up at him. “Okay, if you need to talk, just let me know, but I should be back soon. Maybe I could pick up something for dinner.”

His expression shifted but only a little. “Sure, that sounds good, princess,” he replied and suddenly pulled you into his embrace, one arm tightly wrapped around you as he buried his face in your hair.

He loved your smell, your scent was one of the things that grounded him when he got in these moods, and it was tough for him to release you, but you said you’d be back soon, there was nothing to worry about. He was just overreacting, maybe he had an off night, and didn’t sleep enough, he tried to explain it away even though he knew what his problem was.

“Okay, be careful, yeah?”

This made you hum softly, your smile widened as you wrapped your arms tightly around him. “Always am, be back soon, big guy,” you said and leaned up on your tiptoes, placing a soft kiss on his cheek.

Logan let out a satisfied hum, which could have been mistaken for a growl of happiness, and placed a firm kiss on your head. “Hurry back,” he said his tone still gruff. He was hesitant to let you go, but the sooner you left, the sooner you’d come back to him.

He didn’t have the patience to deal with Wade right now, and thankfully, he was off being whisked away by his girl, Vanessa. As much as Logan appreciated the way they tried to include him, this time of year was always the most difficult, but even more so with you here. He would just have to wait it out if he could repress the urges…

Logan paced back and forth in your shared space, his instincts were going crazy right now as he tried to find ways to calm himself. Before you, he had never really had an issue controlling himself or his urges, they had always been there, kept at bay, but something about you being here with him made him feel ten times more on edge. He was an animal, everyone in his life reminded him of that, and that was true to a fault.

This time of year was the worst, the most on edge he ever was, and he couldn’t control it around you for much longer. Leaving wasn’t an option, keeping you at a distance wasn’t either, so he fought it. It was only a few days he dealt with the heat rising in his body, the way his senses were heightened and he could smell you clearer than ever, but the ache he felt in his stomach and between his legs was growing more and more unbearable to handle. If he could just have a taste, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad… but the thought of hurting you kept him at bay, that was the last thing Logan wanted, and he couldn’t think of what would happen if he did…

While he was pacing back home, you were out grabbing some things, running errands, and doing what you always had on your weekends off. It was your ‘me time’ as you got your favorite drink from the cafe down the street and drove to the grocery store to grab some things for the weekend. You had a great dinner in mind you wanted to make for Logan, so you made sure to make a list of everything you needed. As you were halfway through, some guy was looking at you hard down the aisle. It seemed like a familiar face, but you weren’t sure. As you walked closer, it was definitely a familiar face.

“Oh my gosh, is that you, Danny?” You asked.

The man’s face lit up and he smiled wide as he stepped up and reached an arm out, hugging you briefly. “Wow, is that you?” He asked with the same tone of surprise. “You look great! How’ve you been? Haven’t seen you since, what, end of middle school?”

You laughed and nodded. “Yeah, I think so, that felt like ages ago, didn’t it?” You asked with a wide smile. “How’s life?”

“Ah well, had a wife, divorced, got a great kid out of it though. You?”

You shrugged and smiled. “Not married, but seeing someone, he’s great. Different. No kids.”

Danny smiled and shrugged in return. “They’re not for everyone, but I hope your guy is treatin’ you nice. It’s great to see you though, we should catch up one day. I’m usually at the coffee shop down the road every Sunday, it’s my one day of peace.”

“Maybe I could meet you there next week!” You hummed with a smile and hugged him again. “Be seeing you!”

Enough distractions, you had brought up Logan and you felt that little voice inside your head, you missed him and just wanted to sit next to him right now. So you hurried through the grocery store, ran one more errand, and drove home as soon as you could.

You got home and entered through the door with your arms full, but Logan was already there with his arms open to grab the bags from you. “Oh, thanks, Lo,” you smiled as you walked in with your single bag in tow.

He had stopped for a moment and sniffed heavily where you stood, his face contorted from stoic to completely annoyed. You were none the wiser as you began to put away everything in the cabinets, smiling as you were just happy to be back home. Facing away from you, his jaw clenched hard as you began to talk about your errands, about how you had some ideas you both could do around town if he wanted to try something new, but after a while, you weren’t sure that he was listening.

“Logan, you okay?” You asked softly as you walked around the kitchen table and stood behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist.

He tensed beneath your touch and turned slightly to peek over his shoulder. “Yeah, I’m fine, just listenin’,” he grumbled.

You looked up at him and squeezed him gently, staring with concern in your features. “You sure, Logan? You’ve been acting off the past few days and I was hoping it wasn’t something I’ve done.”

Logan sniffed the air, smelling the assaulting scent on your clothes, it was strong and he did not like it one bit. “Where were you today?” he asked suddenly.

With a small step backward, you stared at him in confusion and slight irritation. “I told you I went to run errands, pick up groceries, as I do every weekend. Logan, what are you implying?”

“You got some asshole’s smell on you, it’s strong, it’s infuriating,” he growled, turning around quickly to walk up to you, towering above you. “So whatever happened out there is really pissin’ me off.”

Your brows furrowed in confusion, then your face lit up in realization. “Oh, I saw an old friend from school, he hugged me, that’s it. Told him a little about you, told him you were great.”

Logan could hear what you were saying, but the senses in him were on high alert and they didn’t care what you said to this guy about him. You smelled like him, like some stranger, he needed to change that and fast. He backed you up against the nearby wall his figure towered over you while one hand was placed beside your head while the other was splayed across the top of your chest and collarbone. He was holding back, you could see it, he was trying not to lose himself.

You placed your hand on his chest and looked up at him, your eyes staring directly into his. “Logan, what’s been going on with you this week?” You asked softly, your gentle voice pulling him into a pit of desire.

“I…” he paused and wondered if this was even something he should be telling you. This was incredibly embarrassing, what would you think of him then after he told you? He huffed and looked away, annoyance etched into his features while he tried to avoid yet another awkward situation.

Your hand was placed on his cheek, pulling his face to look at you. “Logan, you know you can tell me anything,” you cooed softly, smiling up at him like that… It slowly began to chip away at the walls he had built for himself, and when it came to speaking of things about himself, that was a different story. “You're okay, right?”

Logan sighed as his eyes flickered away from you, but then a surge of rage came over him at the smell of that stranger on you, his face contorted with anger and he lunged forward, grabbed you by the waist, and lifted you onto the counter. He stepped between your thighs, his hands gripping your hips firmly.

“You want to know if I'm okay?” He growled, his face inches from yours.

“Of course, I do!” You said with surprise and slight offense. “I always want to make sure you're alright.”

His grip on your hips tightened, and he leaned in even closer, his eyes burning into yours. “The only way you can make sure I'm fine is by leaving me alone,” he whispered harshly, his breath hot against your skin. “Go now, while I still have some shred of control left.”

You stared at him in surprise, and then looked annoyed he'd even suggested such a thing. “No.”

His expression darkened, and with a growl, his hand grabbed a fistful of your hair, just enough to cause you the least amount of pain as he pulled your head back, exposing your pretty throat to him, smiling as his nose glided across your throat as he inhaled for a moment. He bit down and hard, sinking his teeth into you. He sucked and bit, marking you, his other hand gripping your hip possessively as his body pressed against yours. He was marking you physically, then rubbing his scent all over your body to show you just who you belonged to.

You cried out loudly, your hands gripped his arms to try and pry him off of you because of the pain, but soon, it was mixing with the urge of wanting to feel his teeth in other places.

As you leaned closer against him, he could feel the heat radiating off your body, and it made his head swim. Once he pulled away from marking you, Logan leaned in, his lips brushing against yours in a whisper of a kiss. "I'm fine," he growled under his breath. “I just…”

“What?” You urged gently, feeling your entire body ignite with a mixture of fear, arousal, and thrill.

Logan couldn't think straight. The sight of you, the way you smelled and tasted, everything about you was driving him to the edge of wanting to completely lose himself. His hands moved up your body, gripping your shirt and pulling it roughly over your head, revealing your undergarments. "You always test me, even when you're not meanin’ to do a damn thing, you're always wanting me to lose myself in you.”

"Logan, you've never acted like this before..." you replied softly, shivering from the sheer jolt of excitement that shot through your entire body. You felt the excitement pooling between your legs as he placed his hands on your thighs.

He lifted his thumb to trace the outline of your lips before he leaned in to kiss you again. He could feel your body pressed against his and it was almost too much to bear. "Fuck," he growled, "you make me want to lose control, doll… I want to… to do things to do that would show others that you're mine, you hear me?”

You looked up at him, the smell of your arousal was strong in his nose, and he was using all he had to hold himself back. While he held onto your thighs, his hands shot out and pulled at your wrists, pulling your entire body against his as he captured your lips in his, his kiss urgent and demanding as his fingers dug into your skin. He didn’t mean to cause you any pain, he was just so overwhelmed to get that smell off of you, to make sure anyone who had dared come near you would know just who you belonged to.

Your hands began to pull at the hem of his tank top, yanking it from being tucked into his jeans while your lips were still locked with his, but Logan pulled away faster than you could blink, growling low in his throat as he tossed off the tank top to the floor. His chest was heaving, his muscles tensed as his breathing was heavy. His face lingered closely, his gaze hungry as his eyes, dark with desire, stared into yours.

“You’re fuckin’ beautiful,” he said in a low tone.

This made you smile; despite all he was pissed about and all that would happen, he still had the decency to dote on you, love you, and compliment you. In his special way, of course, but he never failed to surprise you. Your hands were then placed on his chest, admiring the muscles, the chest hair, and him overall. “And you’re perfect,” you replied sweetly.

He smiled back at you, a cocky grin at first, slowly fading into a gentle grin as his expression softened momentarily before his gaze turned intense. He reached behind you and unclasped your bra, pulling it off with a quick yank, and tossed it aside. His eyes fell to your breasts, his hands shaking with the effort of controlling himself. When you saw the hesitation, you couldn’t stop from grabbing his massive hands and placing them on your chest, giving him that silent permission. He groaned as his thumbs grazed over your nipples, then he leaned down and sucked one into his mouth, his other hand pinched and rolled the other nipple between his fingers. He sucked hard, his teeth grazing your sensitive flesh.

He pulled away and licked his lips. “Fuck, I love your tits,” he hummed before placing the other in his mouth.

You arched your back in reply, your breathing was already shaky as you felt his hands doing the bare minimum while your body responded in ways you didn’t think it could. You could feel yourself leaking through your underwear, pooling between your legs as Logan was making sure to put his mouth anywhere he could, marking you with his sharp teeth. “Fuck, Logan,” you whined.

He released your nipple with a pop and looked into your eyes, his gaze intense. “You smell fucking perfect, so wet for me and I’ve barely done a thing to you.” He reached his hand between your legs and began to rub your clit through your shorts, his fingers pressed against your soaked fabric. “Damn, you are,” he mused.

You wiggled as you tried to buck your hips to the best of your abilities, but standing wasn’t your strong suit, so you just whined and wished he’d take you already. You were always so willing when he was around you, it didn’t matter what state of mind you were in, you needed him as much as he needed you. You swallowed and panted before looking directly into his eyes.

“Logan, please,” you urged.

“Please what? Use your words, baby girl. Tell me.” He moved his fingers and hooked them onto the waistband of your shorts, tugging at them playfully. “Want these off?”

You nodded eagerly and shimmied out of them as fast as you could, your hands helping him with getting rid of them. “I want you to fuck me,” you breathed, your chest heaving from the excitement. “But you need to ditch those jeans…”

Logan chuckled and quickly unbuttoned, then unzipped his jeans, shoving them down his legs along with his boxers. His hard cock sprung free, already leaking with precum. “Mhm, fuck, got me so excited already,” he grumbled.

“Can’t help it,” you purred in response, watching him carefully as he stepped back toward you, ripping off your underwear with one fluid motion, causing you to gasp.

“I know you can’t,” he said softly as he suddenly grabbed you by your hips, making sure to have your legs wrapped around his waist as he moved you toward the counter, setting you down on the surface. “Now spread those legs and show me your pussy,” he demanded, his voice rough with desire.

You wouldn’t deny him this, so you nodded and leaned back, your hands flat on the counter as you spread your legs open for him, seeing just how wet you’d been for him. Your face was so red, so warm from seeing Logan in such a state that you couldn’t speak much after his eyes raked over you, landing on your soaked heat.

He groaned low at the sight and stepped between your open thighs, grabbed your hips, and pulled you closer to the edge of the counter, the cool marble against your backside. “Wrap your arms around my neck,” Logan instructed. “And your legs around my waist.”

You nodded and did as he told you, scooting forward against the marble eagerly as your legs and arms wrapped around his body.

Logan gripped your ass with both hands and tilted your hips upward. “Atta girl,” he cooed as he began to rub his throbbing cock against your wet folds a few times, teasing you and readying himself. “Look at me,” he said gruffly.

You stared up at him, your eyes wide with eagerness as he planned on taking you here in the kitchen. “Logan,” you breathed softly, wanting to say so much to him, but you couldn’t find the words.

He met your gaze, his eyes burned with intensity. “I’m going to fucking destroy that tight little pussy,” he growled, lining himself up with your entrance. “And you’re gonna love every second of it.”

Your breathing grew heavier as your entire body shivered upon hearing his promise. Of course, you’d love every second, you always loved any attention Logan showered you with. “Yes, Lo, please,” you begged.

He doesn't waste any more time, so with one swift thrust, he buried himself inside of you to the hilt. "Goddamn, you feel so fucking good," he groaned, his head dropped to your shoulder as he fought for control. "You're so wet, so tight.”

You gasped and you moaned out loudly, feeling his cock pushed all the way, bottoming out as you breathed heavily. The sting of his stretch felt so good, that you clung to his body as you tried to ground yourself. "Fuck, Lo, you're so big..”

He grinned at your words and started to piston his hips, slamming into you over and over again. "You just take it," he commanded. "Every inch of me. You wanted it so bad, didn't you? You needed me to fill you up. Show you who you belonged to.”

"Y-Yes, fuck, oh my god, Logan!" You cried out, your nails digging into his arms as he plowed into you.

Logan's eyes flashed with a primal hunger and he wrapped a hand around your throat, applying just enough pressure to make you gasp. "Say my name again," he growled in your ear. “Tell me who you belong to.”

You gasped and stared into his eyes as his hand wrapped around your throat. "You, Logan!" You cried out, your voice barely above a whisper.

He smirked when he heard his name, feeling your pulse racing under his thumb. He squeezed tighter and started to fuck into you harder. "Good girl," he praised. "Say it again.”

You cried out with each hard thrust, smiling as he used his hand to choke you. "F-Fuck, Logan!”

His grin widened, baring his teeth at you. "Louder. Let the whole house hear who's making you scream." He sped up his movements, his hips slapped against your backside with every powerful thrust. "Come on, baby.”

"LOGAN!" You cried out loudly once more, his hips slapping into yours as you tried your best to hold onto the counter, shaking beneath him.

The sound of his name echoing in the kitchen spurred him on. He buried his face in the crook of your neck and sucked hard, no doubt leaving another mark. "Legs around my waist," he grunted, his voice muffled against your skin.

You did as you were told and made sure to tighten your legs around his waist, panting heavily as he scooted you even closer to his body. Logan started to fuck you more roughly, holding you up easily with your legs around his waist. His thrusts became even harder, every collision making your whole body shake. "I want you to know you’re mine, you understand me? No one can make you feel the way I do.”

“L-Logan, won't last long like this,” you said between gritted teeth and breaths that were pulled from you, your arms wrapped around his shoulders as he buried himself inside of you.

His face contorted in pleasure as he growled against your neck. "Then we'll come together.” He grunted with effort, his abs tightened as he drove into you again and again, his rhythm becoming more erratic. "Touch yourself, need you to come on my cock.”

You reached between your bodies and began to sloppily rub your clit as he thrusts into you, your body shivering heavily as you could feel that coil deep within you wanting to snap. It was difficult to keep going with Logan pounding into you mercilessly, but you needed to appease him, or else who knew how long he'd keep this up.

He groaned encouragingly, his voice hoarse with passion. "That's it, baby. You're so close, I can feel you tightening around me.”

He grunted again, his own release drawing closer. His hips jackhammer between your thighs, the wet sounds of their joining filling the room.

"Ahhh, fuck, Logan, gonna-gonna," you started, attempting to survive just a few more moments until you came undone. "Coming!" You cried out, your entire body clenching around Logan’s as you clung to him.

Hearing your cries of pleasure, Logan plunged deep inside you one final time as he too reached his peak. He threw back his head and roared out his release while he moved his hands to your outer thighs, already feeling the familiar sensation of his claws protracting as his entire body tensed, his vision whited out as he lost all sense of being. "Fuck!" His fingers dug into your skin, the tips turning white from the strain as he held you in place, his arms like steel around you as he rode out his orgasm, the added intensity of his claws keeping you from moving as his hot seed spilled deep inside you, filling you up.

"Mine," he growled possessively, his voice shaking with exertion and emotion. "You're fucking mine, always."

"Yours," you said breathlessly as you rested your head against his shoulder while your arms wrapped around his chest.

Logan's arms slowly relaxed while his claws retracted, and he gently unraveled your legs from his waist, letting your feet find the floor once more. He pressed soft, lingering kisses to your neck and shoulders, kissing over the dark-colored bruises and hickeys he left along your neck and collarbone, then rested his head back on your shoulder as he slumped over.

“‘M sorry, dunno what… came over me… that's…” He stopped and kept his head lowered.

You just laughed and wrapped your arms around his body, pulling him close as you gently rubbed his back. “Don't apologize,” you cooed softly. “You’re just worked up.”

“No, it’s… not just that, it’s somethin’ else. I get… in these moods, like,” he groaned and shook his head slightly, already feeling the embarrassment flooding his face. “Like animals in mating season; territorial, possessive. Can’t help it sometimes and your smells drive me insane.”

That was it, that’s why he’d been acting weirdly jealous, clingy, and just wanting to be closer. “Oh, oh!” you said softly as you looked down at him, smiling even wider now. He shared a new part of himself with you, something he found awkward to speak about, and he opened up. You brushed his hair gently, running your fingers through it as you couldn’t hide your smile. “Why didn’t you say so?”

He lifted his head slowly to look up at you. “You’re not… freaked out by it?” He asked, his brows furrowed together.

You just chuckled in response. “No, of course not, why would I be?” You continued to run your hand across his hair, comforting him to the best of your abilities. “Logan, when I said I accepted you, that was all of you,” you explained.

This took him off guard, surprised him even, but your words had made his stomach stir, and he couldn’t stop from grabbing you and pulling you against him. You melted in his grasp, smiling wide as you wrapped your arms around him, showing him you were here for him. All of him. Logan didn’t have to say anything, he wasn’t a man of words, more of action, so when you wouldn’t pull away from him in moments like these, it showed that you were a woman of action, too.

His arms wrapped even tighter around you, his chest still heaving slightly as his breath slowly returned, and he couldn’t help but nuzzle into the crook of your neck. “You’re really okay with it?” He asked again.

“Ssh, Logan, just accept that I might actually like it when you get possessive,” you said playfully, planting a kiss on the side of his head.

Logan smiled softly, nuzzling your neck as the urge to mark you washed over him once again, his mouth opened slightly while his tongue gently darted out to slide across your throat. “Good,” he mumbled against your skin. “Then you won’t mind if we take this to the room,” he added, looking up at you with that primal hunger gleaming in his eyes once again.

“I don’t mind at all, especially since it’s you.”

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grayisatorturedpoet · 16 days ago

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YHS BEDWARS & MINECRAFT HEADCANNONS

I've been rewatching the krew's old bedwar videos and seeing and yhs brainrot is constantly living rent free in my mind, those two things came together and exploded and left behind a lot of debris and ideas

Was thinking about their roles between the main four and came with this:

Funneh and Alec are on offence, always going on missions to destroy peoples bed or kill the other teams (or just terrorize the players). Love making plans, spend the first few moments of the games plotting and spectating everyone to see how they should act

First thing Gold does when spawning is making a path branching out to the resource islands, she MONOPOLIZES the emerald and diamond generators. Other than that, she's buys the bulk of all the items like the weaponry and other tools, and supplies the others. By the time Funneh or Alec make a quick trip back to stock up, she's got them covered, dropping a pile of fireballs, ender pearls, bows and arrows, etc etc

Kyran spends his time making the most elaborate and over the top base and bed defence you can imagine, he is an absolute /menace/ to the other teams. Unfortunately, he's also an absolute annoyance to his own team as well. Not a single game has gone by where Alec hasn't yelled at some point about the absolute maze that their base has become, and how he can't figure out wether he's actively exiting or entering their base. And if Kyran might just play it up for fun to piss him off, he'll deny it thoroughly

Though Kyran's intent on annoying Alec doesn't stop there, another thing he loves doing is snatching up any and all dropped items before Alec can get to them. Gold'll be dropping a bunch of supplies as they're actively being attacked but that won't stop Kyran from nudging his character just a little closer and picking them up before Alec gets the chance. safe to say that Alec despises his inability to harm his teammates

Another thing about Kyran (gen don't know how this became so centred around him) is that he works silently, meaning there's sometimes a lot of miscommunication going on, like him forgetting to alert his team members of the open patch in one of their paths. He'll turn his screen, witness Funneh fall into the void, and go "oh yeah guys the path is broken"

This isn't necessarily about bewares or Minecraft really but Evan for SURE has those crinkly pics where if his mouth is right up against it, you can hear every breath, ever minuscule shift in his stature, in a very annoying loud way. When he starts screaming into it, people begin either piss themselves laughing, leave the call, or just mute him

oh and on that note, Alec LOVES muting Evan. I'm sorry I'm never letting go of my Alec Evan one-sided petty rivals. Evan is a certified yapper and not even a fourth into whatever rant his on about this time, Alec mutes him without a word and Evan is absolutely oblivious to it. He'll reference something the next day in person and Alec is confused and doens't really care and Evan just believes he has short term memory

Back on to Minecraft tho, cute ass Kai/Valerie thought. Valerie bought Minecraft on her phone and was so excited to play it but to her misfortune, she spawned in the middle of the night near a particular large mob of..mobs. by the time she was surrounded, she quickly left the game and didn't open it until a few days later, hoping maybe it'd be daytime or she'd be in another location-and safe. Of course, that did not happen and she once again left just as quick

She told Kai this story, to which he laughed, took her phone, managed to get away from the mobs (and even kill some!), and make her a not so shabby dirty house by the time it was daylight

Between Kai and her, Kai is the one that goes out mining and bringing resources and branching out their home, while Valerie is the one who builds cute little houses and picks flowers, though Kai loves to bring back flowers for her when he is on one of his hunts or mining trips. Every single flower brought back is safely put in a pot or stowed away in a chest somewhere, Valerie is very protective of them

#bitch why is this so fucking long #itsfunneh yhs #itsfunneh yandere high school #yhs #yandere high school #itsfunneh #goldenglare #alec yhs #kyran yhs #Evan yhs #valerie maki #senpai yhs #kai yhs #a lot of these are based off of my own experiences or my friends #did not read this over

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bobbydagen24 · 10 months ago

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what are some episode ideas your hoping to see in the next tv show? assuming we do get one.

a few of mine would be.

an episode where JD and Bruce are shown still Butting heads with each other loads in present day annoying the other Bros a lot. and maybe during a Hike out in the woods or something something happens which results in JD and Bruce getting cut off from the others and being lost. leaving them stuck together in the middle of nowhere bickering over the right ways to do things with JD using all his survival skills he picked up but Bruce at first stubbornly refusing to go along with what he says given he doesn't want to admit that following JDs lead might for once be the most logical thing to do in a situation. anyway the episode could lead to them opening up to each other a bit more about their lives after the breakup. Bruce could tell JD about the effect he had on his self confidence and how difficult it actually was for him to learn to relax and not stress over every little thing he did after having him micro manage him for years. and JD could tell him more about his time he spent away from society in the 20+ years basically having no one but Rhonda for company maybe in part because he was too afraid of getting close with people and then ruining things with them like he did with their family. it'd just be good to have a little episode focused on their Rocky dynamic imo.

an episode where Branch is ill and his Brothers try to take care of him. a few other people have had this idea and someone even did a cute fanfic involving Both Kismet and Bro zone fighting over the best way to take care of Branch. but yeah I think the idea simply involving Bro zone coming around one day to find Branch so ill he hasn't left his Bunker and while he acts like its no big deal his Brothers insist on staying with him to look after him. somewhat confusing Branch but he agrees to it since he's too tired to argue with them and over the course of the episode they all lightly bicker and disagree on the right way to take care of him. while also annoying Branch with how much they mess around in his Bunker maybe not putting things back in their right places. I like to imagine this all culminates in Branch getting annoyed with them all and questioning them on what their even doing there and why they're all being so weird. kinda surprising the Brothers as they say looking after someone in the family when their sick is just normal to them. and I like the sad angsty idea of Branch not realising this and being confused by his Brothers behaviour throughout the episode since he's always just dealt with this stuff on his own in the past. kinda making his Brothers a little somber when they Realise this like they knew he'd always been independent but not to this extreme extent that he literally didn't have help even when he needed it.

this isn't really so much an entire episode idea as it just a single plot point I could imagine happening early on. that being at the start of the show Bruce is obviously only just staying in Pop Village for a short night or Two given he has to get back to Vacay. but as a plot point and an easy way to keep all the Brothers in one place for the first season I'd have something happen towards the end of the episode that makes Bruce change his mind and decide to stay in pop village a bit longer after talking it through with Brandi and making sure she'd be fine to cover while he's away. maybe something happens that makes him see things are still pretty complicated between all the brothers and he decides he should stick around a little longer until their in a more stable place.

an episode where same as the popular fan idea Floyd is shown to be claustrophobic and panics after coming out of a small space still having issues from his captivity tho he tries to hide it from other people. but it could be a nice chance for Branch to recognise what's going on with his Brother and try to talk to him about it. tho maybe after some poking and prodding Floyd ends up saying something along the lines of him suddenly having flashbacks or something. feeling like he's right back in that moment feeling helpless and like there's nothing he can do in the face of these towering giants tho Floyd thinks Branch might not understand. and this could be when he tells him exactly how their Grandma died and how helpless he felt witnessing the whole thing as a kid and how he still sometimes is reminded of that day just by ordinary everyday little things. it'd be a kinda cute bonding moment I think.

I've said before I can easily imagine an episode just focusing on Bruce and Branch as well given their vastly opposing personalities. since Bruce tries to be laid back and carefree and of course Branch is so high strung and particular especially tv show Branch. plus Bruce is probably the most Traditionally "" Normal "" out of the Brothers so I could imagine him having problems with crazier Tv Show Branch. like imagine him going over to Vacay to spend more time with Bruce and his kids only for Bruce to be weirded out to see Branch playing a game with the kids involving them having to run around lots tiring themselves out. all so Branch can at the end collect their sweat in his Jars to restock his supply in his Bunker. and when Bruce questions him on what the hell he's doing he says that his kids larger size means their sweat fills up his stocks much much quicker and easier. making it more efficient to use their sweat than his own 😂😂😂😂 and tv show Branch just continues to do stuff like this unnerving and annoying Bruce more and more to the point he eventually asks him to leave using the excuse that he's making their customers uncomfortable. and I like to think later on when talking to Brandi she'd kinda chew him out a little over it pointing out they were seen as weird at first simply for being together. I'm not really sure exactly how this episode would end but I like to think Bruce would see that he kinda just wanted Branch to fit a certain more normal idea he had of his brother. making him realise he's somewhat acting like JD used to. anyway those were a few general ideas I had for episodes I'd like to see if we do get a third show what about you what sorta episode stories would you like to see?

#trolls #trolls branch #trolls brozone #dreamworks trolls #branch trolls #trolls band together #branch #trolls dreamworks #brozone #trolls 3 #trolls third tv show #trolls tbgo #trolls the beat goes on #trollstopia

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fangirlfrom-hell · 1 year ago

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Absolution and Mercy (7x9-7x10) || Jay Halstead x Healstead Sister

*re-posting this because I'm stupid and accidentaly delated my blog 🫠

This is the plot from season 7, episodes 9 and 10 but with Jay's younger sister involved in the story.

Did I cry a bit writing this? Yes I did.

◇

Becca was usually the first one to be picked up after her afternoon classes were over, but this day she was left alone in the sidewalk. It was getting dark, she was cold and scared. At the distance she detected how a car was approaching her at full speed, but it wasn't Jay. It was Will, and she only realized that when he parked in front of her.

-"Sorry I'm so late. In my defense, Jay called me all of the sudden. I drived as fast as I could, then I got lost. Are you going to get in or what? It's freezing outside".

-"Where's Jay?" The girl asked when she was inside of the car.

-"He didn't say. He was in a hurry when he called me, he might be working in a case, something must have poped out unexpectedly. You know how it is".

-"Are you taking me home?"

-"No, I can't leave you there alone. We're going to my place. Jay will pick you up later, or I will take you back with him. He will give me a call, don't worry".

But that call never happened. During the course of the night, Will called his brother several times, but he never answered.

-"Do you think he is in danger?" Becca was starting to get worried.

-"No". Will lied. -"Maybe he's still working and he's not carrying his personal phone".

That argument didn't convince her at all.

-"It's late and you have school tomorrow, so this is what we're gonna do. Go take a shower, I'll find some clothes you can use to sleep on. I will take the sofa, so you can sleep comfy in my bed".

Not wanting to, Becca obeyed her brother. She couldn't hide her concern for Jay and Will was trying to ignore it, pretending nothing was going on. He was also quiet preoccupied but didn't want to show it. When his sister was out of the room, he gave it another try.

-"Hey, man. It's me again. Call me back as soon as you hear this...please. Bec's alright, don't worry. We're just...We want to make sure you're safe".

The sun began to set on the horizon without news of the missing Halstead brother. Will had barely slept during the night, he distributed his time between trying to reach Jay and checking on Becca, who also had a rough night. He was half asleep when a ray of light coming through the window woke him up.

-"Shit". He muttered looking at his cellphone. There were no signs of Jay.

He went to his room and found his sister sleeping under the blankets. He had to make a plan and act normal, she obviously knew something was wrong.

-"Bec". He softly moved her shoulder. -"Bec, wake up".

-"Is Jay back?" She asked half asleep.

-"No. I'm taking you home so you can get ready for school. Come on".

-"Do you think he is going to be there?"

-"We'll find out".

Will opened the door of Jay's appartment with his copy of the keys. He entered first, making sure everything was in order. Becca followed him when he gave her a sign to get in.

-"This is not good". She said. -"Where is he?"

-"I don't know. I'll pass by the 21st after I drop you off at school. Let's hope they have an answer to this mystery".

-"No. We'll pass by the 21st before you drop me off at school".

Trudy Platt was at her desk talking on the phone with the State's Attorney. She got confused when she saw both Halstead siblings entering the room, their presence wasn't a good singn, she felt it in her guts.

Sergeant Platt went up to the bullpen with Will and Becca behind her. All of the detectives were gathered there, except for Jay. The little girl looked all over the place and made a disappointed face when didn't spot her brother.

-"Hey, is Halstead on a UC run?" Trudy asked Voight.

-"Not that I know about".

-"State's Attorney is all over me. He's supposed to be in court right now. His brother and little sister are also looking for him". She pointed at them with her head.

-"He called me yesterday and asked me to take care of Becca. He was supposed to pick her up later, but never showed up. We went to his place this morning and wasn't there". Will intervened.

-"Hailey, you know anything?"

-"No, I called him a few times, but---".

-"I did too". Platt said.

-"No answer". Will concluded showing his phone. -"This is so out of character for him. He's overprotective, he would never forget about Becca like this. He didn't even called to make sure she was already with me, didn't ask if she was fine as he always does".

-"I ran the GPS on his truck...". Platt stoped and moved her eyes from Will and Becca before continuing.

-"Nothing I say will make her go downstairs". Will stated as giving her permission to keep on talking.

-"It's parked on a street in Englewood".

-"How long has it been there?"

-"All night. I ran the in-service calls to that block, there were two calls of suspicious persons at a house on that street".

Becca took a few steps to the front to reach her brother's arm.

-"Thanks, Trudy".

-"Check it out". Hank ordered to his detectives. -"We'll keep you updated". He said to Will.

-"Please find him". Becca begged the sergeant.

-"We won't stop until we find him". He reassured her with a smile and petting her head.

-"Let's move. I'll take you to school". The doctor said to his sister. -"You already missed a couple of classes".

-"Are you joking? I'm staying" She said staring directly at his eyes.

-"You'll be better at school than here or at The Med".

-"I myself will inform you when we find him, it's a promise". Trudy ended the conversation.

School was being worse than usual for Becca, she couldn't stop thinking about her brother. She was so deep in her toughts that she didn't even hear the daily mockery of her classmates. The clock was ticking slowly and her eyes began to fill with tears.

-"I'm here to take Becca Halstead". The school's principal interrupted the class. -"Take your backpack, sweetie. They're here to pick you up".

The tone on the woman's voice reminded her of that time Burgess and Roman took her to the bullpen because Jay was being threatened. She took her stuff and walked throught the hallway to find Trudy Platt at the office.

-"Here she is, Sergeant. You can take her now".

-"I promised you that I would inform you as soon as they found it. The team just found him".

-"Is he-".

-"I don't know anything else". Platt interrupted. -"I just know he was found". She lied, she wasn't the indicated to talk with her about his condition. -"Come on, I'll take you to The Med. Will is waiting there".

The Med was full of cops and detectives as usually happened when one of their own was wounded. For Will it was surreal that this time the victim was his brother, he still couldn't assimilate the fact. His mind was all disturbed constantly changing from the doctor to the brother role and viceversa. Apart from Jay's state of health, what worried him the most was Becca. Despite having notified a lot of bad news during his career, he had no clue how to discuss the situation with his little sister. He didn't want to, but he didn't want anyone else to be the one telling her the news. He was also uncommonly scared to enter the waiting room where the policemen were waiting for updates.

Hailey Upton was sitting leaning over with her elbows on her knees, the fear was evident on her face. Looking at her teary eyes it was obvios how much she had been crying. It wasn't strange at all, she and Halstead had been partners for a couple of years now and their relationship had grown to a good friendship, a very good friendship. Detective Rojas sat next to her and extended her a coffee, leaning a hand on her back as a reassuring gesture.

Kevin and Adam were also there, both standing up, for anxiety did not allow them to stay still. The rest of the place was packed with uniformed. Hank Voight was on his feet, concern was evident through his eyes. A lot of officers and commanders approached him offering their support.

With a heavy sigh and holding back a lot of emotions, Will encouraged himself to go inside with them. Everybody stood up at his presence. Detective Upton quickly positioned herself in front of him, followed by the rest of the team.

-"Hey, Everybody". Somehow he was managing to stay as the doctor, not the brother. -"I just talked to Dr. Marcel, he said the bullet grazed an artery. They are still trying to repair it".

-"Will?" Hank Voight intervened. -"Is he gonna be ok?"

-"He's lost a lot of blood". Words stuck in his throat and dried stoped talking. Ruzek gave him a pat on the shoulder to show emotional support, there wasn't relly anything else to do.

-"Will..." Maggie interrupted from the outside of the waiting room. Everyone turned their attention to the charge nurse and there was no need for her to explain anything. Becca was right behind her, her big hazel eyes wide open looking at all of the cops and some other familiar faces, trying to comprehend what was going on.

-"Oh, Bec...". Will approached to her sweating cold, with his heart raced in fear.

-"Wh--What's going on?" She asked, not being able to take her eyes off the cops. -"Sergeant Platt told me they found Jay, but nothing else. What happened?". Her voice was charged with despair.

The detectives' eyes were all on Becca, wide open as if waiting for a reaction from the girl.

-"Yeah. Ok. Hmm--there's no easy way to say this". His voice was very low and raspy. -"Jay was kidnapped, but his team found him and...".

-"Where is he? Can I see him?" The little girl interrupted calmly.

-"Jay was shot, Becca. He's going into surgery right now". As a doctor, he knew there wasn't other way of saying it.

-"Oh". The girl said as if it was a casual situation. -"But, I mean...he's going to be fine, right?".

-"He's...lost a lot o blood".

-"But it's Jay". Becca interrupted with a smiled, more as a symtom of a nervour breakdown, eyes starting to get teary. Maybe she didn't realize it, but she was avoiding the rest of the information. -"He has been shot before, he's like indestructible".

At that moment, Becca sensed how Maggie held her shoulders, and the weight of the world fell on the little girl. The atmosphere felt the same as when Jay told her that their mother had died, as same as when Will explained to her that they would have to disconnect their father. All of those memories and feelings were taking control over her, but this time Jay wasn't there to help her go through them.

-"Bec..."

-"No..."

-"Becca, he was shot in the chest, no bulletproof vest. He has lost a lot of blood...".

-"Will--". Maggie tried to stop the doctor.

-"Shut up!"

-"...but he's in surgery right now with Dr. Marcel, one of the very best in Chicago and he's..."

-"Just stop!". Becca cried.

-"Dr. Halstead!" Maggie insisted worried for how Becca was taking the news. There has to be another way of notifyig.

-"...doing his best to save our brother's life. He is in the best hands". He tried to hold her, but she refused him.

-"Is he goig to die?" Becca asked in a very low voice and bursted into an uncontrollable crying.

Will held his sister as tight as he could, so tight she was barely breathing under his arms. He tried to keep his composure, but broke down when he heard his little sister crying loud. He kissed her head, there was nothing to say, nothing to do, just be there for each other.

The intelligence team witnessed the scene and was moved by it, but most of all it made their anger grow even more. Tears rolled down Hailey's cheeks, Adam just stared at the floor with his arms crossed. Hank Voight patted Becca on the back as he passed through te sibblings to run into Burgess, who had just arrived.

-"I got an update on Angela Nelson".

-"Okay".

-"Doctors removed the bullet. She's gonna be fine".

-"Where is she?" And with that only question, they both left the place in a hurry.

With all of the movement that was generated, Will separated from Becca and took her by the shoulders: -"Come on, let's sit". They walked embraced, everyone moving to let them pass. She knew all of the detectives who were present, each one of them tried to make her feel their suport: Atwater squeezed her shoulder, Vanessa gave her a warm smile, Adam gave her a hug and Hailey sat right next to her holding her hand.

Not wanting to leave the hospital, Intelligence detectives had to withdraw due to a case assigned by Superintendent Crawford, something Hank couldn't avoid. Detective Upton was the only one that refused to leave, and no one contradicted her.

A couple of hours passed, but it felt like an eternity for Becca. There were still no news about Jay and that made her agony grow.

-"Why is it taking so long?" She was walking from one side to another, anxiety starting to increase.

-"These procedures are very delicate, they take a lot of time. You know what? You should go home". Will suggest. -"I don't think it is a good idea for you to stay here so much time. I'll find someone who can take you. You need rest, to change clothes, you haven't even eat anything".

-"I'm not going anywhere, Will". Becca answered with a stern tone that reminded of Jay's way of talking in distress. They were so alike.

-"Dr. Halstead". Maggie interrupted. -"I'm so sorry, you are requiered in the ER".

Will stared at his little sister, not knowing what to do, he would never leave her by herself in a normal day, much less under the circumstances they were going through.

-"Come on. I can't leave you here alone. Take your backpack, you can stay in the Doctor's room or in a dormitory while I find someone who can take you...".

-"I am not going anywhere, Will". Becca repeated her own words, this time with a little bit of anger.

-"Bec, I get it, I totally do. You want to stay here for Jay, but we will be updated in the ER, I just can't leave you here alone".

-"Alone? This must be the safest place in the hospital right now". She said pointing to all of the cops around.

-"I am not going anywhere". Upton interrupted before Will could continue. -"I can take care of her".

-"Hailey, you don't have to, you are already going through a lot right now and you are on duty, so...".

-"Nobody will move me from here, Will. It's ok, for real".

-"Is that all right for you?". Will looked at Becca and noticed the tiredness and sadness in her eyes as she nodded. -"Ok, all right. Just promise me that you'll eat something, kiddo". He approached to his little sister and kissed her forehead before parting.

-"Not really hungry, but I'll try".

-"Please do it for me. I'll be back as soon as I can".

His heart dropped when he walked out of the room, she also felt a little bit helpless, alone. It was true that she knew Hailey since a few years ago, she liked her and trusted her, but she wasn't her family and that's what she needed at the moment.

-"What if I bring you a hamburger from the cafeteria?" Maggie smiled to Becca. -"Don't you dare to say 'no' to me. I know it's your favorite, I'll be right back".

Becca took a deep breath and sighed, her leg was shaking a lot even standing up. Despair and anxiety were taking over her small body, she felt the urge to hit something or somebody. Her mind started going around, she couldn't live without Jay, what would she do without her big brother? She was nothing without him. A lot of memories came to her mind, good ones and bad ones. Suddenly she was crying without even noticing it.

-"Hey!" Hailey called her from her seat and forced a smile for the girl. -"Wanna join me here?".

Becca sat next to her brother's partner, not really knowing what to do or what to say. She tried to hold her tears, but failed, so she wiped them away as soon as they got out of her eyes. Hailey placed a hand in Becca's shaking leg.

-"You don't need to do that. You can cry in front of me, I won't judge you. I mean, look at me". They both smiled. -"Here, hold my hand, squeeze it. Breath with me, it will help you ease your toughts: 4 in, hold 7 and 8 out".

-"Thank you". The little Halstead sister said when she was more calmed.

-"I know you and Jay are very close. He's so private, but he still talks a lot about you with me".

-"He does?".

-"Yes. When we started working together, before knowing he had a sister, I always tought he was talking about his daughter".

-"Imagine that". Becca made a disgust gesture and laughed a bit. -"I know you two are very fond too. He never talks about work with me, but you wouldn't be here if you didn't care for him". She didn't feel like revealing right there that Jay had talked about her before.

-"He is a good partner, it's hard to find one". The girl stared at her for a few seconds, then they stayed in silence for a couple of minutes, staring at the floor. Becca was a sensible girl, she understood there was more behind Detective Upton words and suddenly Hailey felt like family.

-"I'm really scared". She confessed while unconsciously hugging Hailey's arm.

-"Me too". The detective held her tight. -"But your brother, he is a tough guy, he's strong of mind and body. And he loves you so much, he won't stop fighting to overcome this and come back to you. I can assure you that".

A very special connection was formed between Hailey and Becca in that exact moment. In Hailey's arms, Becca found the peace she needed to rest, and fell asleep while she stroked her ginger tousled hair. Inside her chest, Hailey was feeling the urgent need to protect the little girl, as if she was her own sister. She never let her go while they waited together, if anything, she held her tighter as time passed by.

Rojas found them like that when she went back to the hospital to check on Hailey.

-"Hey". Vanessa announced her presence.

-"Hey". Upton answered back in a low voice, trying to hug her roomate, but couldn't really move with Becca asleep in her shoulder.

-"I got you some gyro from Greek Islands, I tought you might be hungry".

-"That's really sweet of you. Thanks". She took the back with her unoccupied hand.

-"And I got you some clean clothes from the appartment".

-"Thank you". She genuinely smiled.

-"Have we heard anything about Jay?" She sat down next to her friend.

-"No". Upton sadly answered, unconsciously checking on Becca, who was now half awake. -"He's gonna freak out when he wakes up, the man hates needles. I can't figure him out, he's the first one through the door, a war vet. And he'd rather take a bullet than get the flu shot".

Becca, who was now listening everything, internally laughed at that last comment. That was a good description of his brother.

-"Hailey, I know how hard this must be for you".

-"It's always hard when something like this happens".

-"It's hard because you love him". Vanessa Rojas said simply.

Becca's heart began to beat a little bit faster, this time for a good feeling instead of anxiety. Of course she was in love with her brother, everything made sense now. And she knew Jay had feelings for her too. Maybe that was why she felt so secure by her side.

-"Of course I love him. He's my partner". Hailey answered to finish the conversation.

Both detectives phones started to buzz and Becca took advantage of that to pretend that she had just woken up.

-"Ruzek got a lead on the home invasion". Rojas looked at her phone.

-"Yeah. Um, I'm gonna stay". Hailey said looking at Becca, who looked devastated even after having rested a bit.

-"Is everything all right?" The younger Halstead asked when Rojas left. Hailey nodded her head, not being able to controll her sobbing. The last conversation had moved a lot inside of her and was now a mixure of feelings.

Another hour passed by and Becca couldn't take it anymore.

-"Where's Will? He was supposed to be back soon and also keep us updated.

-"He was here a few times, but you were deep asleep. He didn't want to bother you. He had no news, though".

-"I heard my favorite Halstead didn't want to leave her brother's side". A familiar voice called, it was Trudy Platt. She approached with a bag in her hands. -"So I thought it would help to bring you some clothes, hunny. I mean, CPD sweaters and pants might not be the best, but they should be more confortable than that uniform you've been wearing all day. These are the smallest I found, I'm positive they'll fit you".

When Becca came back from the restroom, all changed and carrying the other clothes, she found Hailey and Platt standing up in front of Will. Fear ran through her entire body once more, not knowing what to expect, since the three of them looked very serius. It was Hailey who spotted the little girl petrified in terror at the entrance of the room.

-"Bec". Will called her. -"He's all right. Jay is going to be fine".

-"Are you sure?" She dropped her clothes and started to cry happy tears.

-"It will take time for him to recover and I can assure you he will be a pain in the ass, but he's going to be all right".

Becca laughed and jumped into her brother's arms, who lifted her up a bit in the air. Upton and Platt presenced the scene with teary eyes of relief and a smile from ear to ear.

-"Can I see him?"

-"He's still asleep, but of course. You can wait by his side until he wakes up. Come on, I'll take you there. My shift will end in a couple of hours and then I'll fully be with you two".

-"Oh, but wait!" She turned to Hailey, before following her brother. -"You should come with us. Will, she can come with us, right?".

-"I don't think is a good idea. I'll wait in here until he wakes up, don't worry". She rushed to say before letting Will answer.

-"No. I really think you should come". Once more, there was that tone so similar to Jay comming from Becca.

-"There's no problem, Hailey. If you want to, you can come". The doctor confirmed.

When Jay woke up, Hailey was out changing her clothes. Becca was the first person he spotted when he opened his eyes.

-"Hey". He managed to say and raised his unharmed arm trying to reach his little sister, taking her elbow. -"Why are you crying?" She took his hand and squeezed it as tight as she could.

-"Because I'm happy you're alive, dummy". Jay smiled when he heard her voice.

Both siblings had a lot of things to say, but they didn't need words to express their feelings. They stared at each others eyes and it was enough to understand what they were going through.

-"I know". Jay said feeling how emotional Becca was. -"Come here". He opened his arm within his posibilities and with a lot of caution she laid down her head to hug him back. -"I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry". He kept repeating in a raspy voice.

They stayed like that for a while. Jay couldn't stop thinking about his actions and what would had happened to Becca if he had died. She was the only thing on his toughts when he received the shot. Becca relaxed when she heard her brother's heartbeat, it was the definitive evidence she needed to make sure he was really alive.

-"How are you feling?"

-"Like I was asleep for a year".

-"You needed a little rest".

-"Sorry to interrupt". Detective Upton came into the scene, embarrased to be the reason they had to separate. -"I didn't noticed you were already awake".

-"Don't worry. You are just in time". Becca smiled.

-"Hailey?" Jay started and she walked to the other side of the bed.

-"You know I hate hospitals".

-"Oh, you are just fine already, aren't you?". Becca rolled her teary eyes, but the comment made Hailey laughed a bit.

-"I do".

-"You gotta get me out of here".

-"It's not optional, no".

Hank Voight entered almost immediately and stood next to his detectives.

-"Becca, happy to see your eyes lighting again". He greeted her first with a head nodd, then talked to Jay: -"How's the shoulder?"

-"It feels like I'll be flying a little crooked for a while.

-"I went and talked to Will and he said no structural damage, so you got lucky".

-"I guess you could call it that".

There was something going around Jay's mind, but he couldn't ask with the presence of his little sister. He didn't want her to leave, but he had to ask Voight, and there wasn't going to be another chance.

-"Uh, Bec--why don't you go and..."

-"I guess I'll go find Will, yes". Becca said feeling the tension.

-"How's Angela doing?" He finally asked when they were alone.

-"She's under arrest".

From outside the room, Becca saw Hailey and Voight going out having a brief conversation, they looked concerned. When they split up, the Sergeant walked into another room and Upton rushed out of the hospital.

-"Is your shift already over?" Becca asked Will when he passed by, not even noticing her.

-"Half an hour and I'm done". He said looking at his clock. -"Look at you, all smiley again".

-"Jay woke up. They are running some tests right now. He's going to loose it if there are needles involved".

-"He just received a shot and I do believe he would still be afraid of a needle". The siblings laughed.

The three Halsteads stayed together as much as they could, but it was getting late and they were tired. Becca's eyes started to close due to mental exhaustation, she had cried all day and her mind was pushed to the limit. Now that everything was calmed coudn't avoid to fall asleep although the chair she was sitting in was the most unconfortable.

-"I think it's time to go". Will said. -"She stayed by your side all day, didn't want to move for a second. She was really, really worry".

-"Maybe I wasn't the indicated to be in charge of her". Jay sighed and spat what he had in his mind. -"Maybe we should have let aun Clair take her".

-"And just let her go to New York far away from us? Like, never see her again? What are you talking about, Jay? Where is this comming from, anyway?"

-"It's not the first time I've put her in a situation like this".

-"Stop thinking about it. It's the sedatives, you are all sensible and tired and need more rest. We are good, Jay. There is no one with whom she is better than with you, not even me".

A few days passed before Jay was discharged. Becca noticed how a lot of people visited him more than once: Kim, Adam, Kevin, Vanessa, Hank, Trudy and a bunch of other cops she didn't recognize. Her brother was a beloved soul and the love he received was extended towards her. She stayed inside of the room with all of the visits, except with Hailey. She always found an excuse to go out of the room when Detective Upton arrived.

-"All right. Finally, time to go home". Will said carrying a bag. -"Got you clean clothes and other stuff you may need".

-"Thank you".

-"Are you sure you don't need a hand?" Dr. Halstead asked before going out.

-"I'm good. I'll be using only one hand for a couple of days, so I might get used to it from now on".

-"I'll be around if you change your mind. Bec, let's go. Give the man some space".

Becca already knew all of the hospital, specially the ER, so she was left alone on the hallway while Will went back to work. She went to the vending machine to get something to eat while waiting for Jay. She got a juice for herself and was about to take a bag of gummies for her brother when a voice interrupted her.

-"Isn't a little bit early for candies?" It was Dr. Charles.

-"Oh, no. These are for my brother. He is about to be discharged, I tought about getting him his favorites".

-"That's a nice gesture and I'm happy to hear he's going out.

These past days were very hectic, weren't they?".

-"You bet".

Becca started walking slowly back to Jay's room, the psychiatrist by her side.

-"Dr. Charles?"

-"Yes, tell me".

-"Did Will send you to spy on me?"

-"What makes you think that?"

-"I know you've been following me around the hospital for the last couple of days. If I go to the restroom, you are there. If I go to the cafeteria, you are there. Whenever I'm alone, you are there...and now we're here". Becca smiled.

-"Oh. It wasn't my intention to make you feel harassed. Your brother Will wants to make sure you are fine, that's all".

-"No, it's ok. I think I understand".

-"Good. Well, now that we're here, would you mind if I ask you how are you doing? Your mind and body were under a lot of stress for a long period of time".

-"I'm fine. I mean, Jay is alive, that's all that matters".

-"Hm. You are right. Anyway, I'll be around if you feel the need to talk. Even when you go back home, you know I will be here".

-"Thanks, Dr. Charles".

That last conversation was strange for the little girl, why would she need to talk to Dr. Charles? Jay was alive, everything was fine. She couldn't stop going around it in her mind, she tought about telling Jay about it, but when she was close to his room she detected someone else inside, it was Hailey. Becca stood watching from afar how the detective was helping her brother to put on his sweater, that made her smile. She didn't know what they were talking about, but from her place it seemed they were very close from each other. Becca turned and walked away to give them some space.

Thanks for reading. If you liked it, it would help my soul if you give it a like, comment or share. 😌♡

#jay halstead #one chicago #chicago pd #halstead sister #jay halstead x halstead sister #will halstead #chicago med #jay halstead imagine #will halstead x halstead sister #jay halstead x sister #will halsteadx halstead sister #will halstead x sister #will halstead imagine

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naomilibicki · 1 year ago

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So a while back @mage-pie recommended Tuyo by Rachel Neumeier, and as I do when I hear about a book and it sounds vaguely interesting, I chucked it on my want-to-read shelf on goodreads and mostly forgot about it.

Somewhat more recently, I went scrolling through my want-to-read shelf looking for something to buy to tide me through a family function that I expected to be boring (it was) and I decided on Tuyo, and I started reading it, but it was going pretty slowly and it's a long book so I was mostly picking away at it.

Then, yesterday, due to a confluence of circumstances including computer troubles and being at my parents' house, I found myself with a lot of time to read, and I finished the last 80% or so of the book in one gulp.

Anyway! I really enjoyed it. It opens with the main character being left as, essentially, a sacrifice to the forces that defeated his people in battle; he expects to be killed, but the enemy commander, only passingly familiar with the custom, decides he has other uses for him.

It's a very slow burn (not burn in the sense of romance; there are some hints of (het) romance towards the end of the book which might possibly become more prominent in the later books in the series, but the focus is firmly on non-romantic relationships), very much interested in exploring the culture clash between Ryo's home culture and the one in which he finds himself. There are, inevitably, parallels to real-world cultures, but the author seems to be deliberately avoiding setting up anything 1:1, and rather letting the cultures (and different physical types of humans) be their own thing. The reasons behind the conflict that kicks off the book, and the resolution of it, what in some sense might be called the "plot", has to take a back seat. This suited me just fine, but I can imagine some readers getting frustrated with it.

I really enjoyed the subtle yet pervasive magic of the world itself. One review I happened to see on goodreads mentioned wondering how the physics works, which strikes me as beside the point--of course the physics doesn't work in a world where the moon is always full on one side of a river and has phases on the other side of it. But I eat that shit up, the sense that magic isn't just something that you can do if you're a wizard, but something inherent in a world, bigger and stranger than people can comprehend or hope to control.

Anyway! I have a bad habit of not continuing series even when I like the first book and am looking forward to the next ones, so who knows when or whether I will read the rest, but I also felt that this book doesn't really need the rest; it has a perfectly satisfying ending of its own. Would recommend.

#naomi reads books #tuyo #rachel neumeier

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xiaosonlybeloved · 1 year ago

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Daydreams~ Soukoku

featuring:- Dazai Osamu x Nakahara Chuuya (bsd) tags:- literally none, just fluff, not proofread at all, college au, so my depiction of college might be inaccurate a/n:- amazing just great im going soft :/ also there will be a part 2 to this, maybe more bc i didnt even get to include the main plot point i had for this fic lmao, anyways probably expect me to disappear again haha

wc:- 1.4k || masterlists

Chuuya hesitantly walks into the campus, hoping he didn’t draw much attention to himself. After all, it was his first year here, and he’d just moved in from another city. The last thing he needed was unwanted attention right in the beginning of the year.

Thankfully, he seems to blend in well with the crowd, and he can easily admire the large campus without being called out for it. A relieved smile rests on his face as he keeps his stuff into his locker, checking his schedule for the day.

When there’s around 5 minutes left for the first lecture, Chuuya goes to head off to class, but instead his books end up clattering to the ground as he violently bumps into someone much taller than him the moment he turns. Annoyed, he steps back to pick up his books, glancing to see the rude person who had been rushing through the corridors so late.

‘Gods, he’s pretty.’ Is the first thought that goes through Chuuya’s mind the moment he sees the face framed in soft brown curls.

“Oh, sorry there, you’re so short I didn’t see you, chibi!” The brunette he just met for the first time cheerfully and mockingly says to him as an apology. Naturally, the next thing that Chuuya thinks is ‘Why the hell is he so annoying.’ The boy was clearly late on the first day, and then he has the audacity to make fun of his height? With such a sorry excuse of an apology when he was the one who bumped into Chuuya? “Oi, what the hell did you call me? I’m not short, you get that? I’m still growing. And keep your eyes and head on the ground, not in the sky, or you’ll take a nasty fall soon.” Chuuya retorts angrily, pushing past the irritating (irritatingly pretty) brunette so that he wasn’t late, unlike a certain someone. Of course though, during his short walk to class, his thoughts were plagued by someone he’d rather not think about.

Thankfully, he was well in time for class, having gotten some time to socialize too. He thinks he’s met some nicer people, who introduced themselves as Gin, Akutagawa and Higuchi. ‘Today might actually be the beginning of some new friendships.’ he thought with a smile as the hall quietened down when the lecturer walked in.

******

The lecturer, Oda Sakunosuke, had just started to get into the flow around 5 minutes later, when the door burst open with a very late attendee. The lecturer doesnt seem surprised. “Ah, sorry I’m late, got held up.” says the person who just came in, searching for an empty seat while Oda continued to speak..

The pretty guy he bumped into earlier? They shared this class?

And just great. The only empty seat in the hall was beside Chuuya, which meant that the only place the goddamn annoying brunette had to sit in was beside him. “Nice to see you again chibi, didn’t know we shared classes.” The brunette, whose name he still didn’t know, whispered to him with a grin as he settled himself, taking out a notebook. “Can’t you shut up for a while? As you can see, I’m actually paying attention, unlike you.” He whispers back, irritated already, taking notes.

“But this is boringg~” he whined softly. Chuuya slowly exhaled, ignoring the tiresome brunette. (He’s trying his best to not look at him- he doesn’t want to end up admiring the infuriatingly charming face on the infuriatingly not-charming personality.)

Some time into the lecture, he finds a torn piece of paper on his desk with something scribbled on it. ‘Damn, his handwriting is pretty too. Unfair.’ Chuuya thinks. The paper reads: ‘Chibiiii, entertain me, I have nothing to do!’ with a dumb emoticon after it. He wrinkles his nose as he writes ‘Not interested, focus on the lecture. Don’t irritate me.’ and passes it back to the brunette.

‘Like I said, I’m bored. I don’t even know your name, chibi. :( ’

‘Not like I care, and stop calling me that, my name is Chuuya.’

‘Hmmm, Chuuya, such a pretty and fitting name for such a short person. Well, mine’s Dazai ’

’Thanks ig, and I’m. Not. Short. You’re just taller than average, which is your fault, Now shut the hell up.’

‘No!’

Chuuya crumples the paper from Dazai and puts it under his desk to throw away later. At least he now has a name to put on the person who seems determined to bother him to death. ‘Dazai’s a nice name though.’

When the lecture ended and the students started filing out in small groups, Oda called him and some others. With a gentle smile, he says, “You’re all new here, aren’t you? For you to get accustomed to the campus faster, I’ll be assigning partners to you all who will be showing you around the campus and helping you out whenever you need. In my class, if there are paired projects, these students will be the one you’ll be paired with, for the sake of convenience. Any questions?” When there’s none, he nods and starts calling out the names. The respective student and their partner head off together then.

When his turn comes, Dazai pops up behind him. “Hello again, chibi Chuuya~ And Oda, I suppose.” Oda ignores him and says, “Dazai, you'll be Chuuya's partner for the year. Don't annoy him or overwhelm him. Get that? If I get any complaints from him, you'll have to deal with me.” “Yes yes Oda, bla bla bla I get that. ” Dazai rolls his eyes, faking an uninterested yawn, and Chuuya again finds himself surprised at his audacity, towards a lecturer no less. “Chuuya, please don't hesitate to inform me if you have any complaints towards him.” Oda tells him, and he nods and Oda dismisses him and Dazai.

Dazai sticks to him like a dumb piece of gum after that. First on the claim of ‘showing Chuuya around’, which was just him showing Chuuya his favorite spots- which were all quite dangerous by the way, like the mostly abandoned terrace with very weak railings that could possibly break at any moment. Then because he ‘didnt have anyone to sit with’ during lunch. So Dazai ended up sitting with him, Gin, Akutagawa, Higuchi, and two of their older friends who were in second year, Kouyou and Tachihara. He already liked Kouyou because she was a redhead too, and Tachihara was surprisingly easy to get along with. Dazai mostly remained silent, occasionally giving his random opinions on something or teasing Chuuya on his height. Why was Dazai so stuck on it anyways? He was still growing! (Too bad he never did-) Naturally, Chuuya angrily responded with his own insults to Dazai's creative ones, while the others merely laughed at his expense.

********

Chuuya always complained about Dazai being a pest and a menace, but if he would be honest with himself, (which he wouldn't) he enjoyed having Dazai around. The annoyingly pretty brunette was amusing to be around as the days passed, and they honestly connected with each other when it came to important stuff. And although he rarely ever contributed to their group projects, which was incredibly infuriating, whenever he did, his inputs were extremely useful. It made Chuuya want to kick him for not doing more, the asshole. Not that he hadn't done that- he often threw light punches at Dazai when he teased him about his height, but nothing much. And they actually had each other's backs, despite all the teasing and punching.

All in all, they were very ripe opportunities for Chuuya to start falling for the brunette. I mean, he already had the first time he saw Dazai, y'know? Just that he kinda kept pushing them away, firmly in denial. By the end of the highly eventful year, even his friends had started noticing it, giving them great blackmail material to use against Chuuya.

Eventually, one random day in the second semester, Chuuya ended up wondering if somehow something would change after the end of the year.

reblogs, comments and votes are very much appreciated <33

#bsd #soukouku #skk #skk fluff #skk fanfics #soukoku fluff #soukoku fanfics #bsd skk #dazai #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #bsd chuuya #chuuya #nakahara chuuya #chuuya nakahara #bungou stray dogs #soukoku #bungo gay dogs #bungo stray dogs fanart

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goodluckclove · 10 months ago

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On Being Seen

I'll warn you in advance, friends and colleagues - I might not have quite an optimistic take on this one. In advance I'll say that I'm totally all right, there's no need to comfort or fawn or worry. It's just been a pretty crazy couple of days and it's sort of left me in a kind of perturbed state of mind.

I feel as if I've developed a reputation on Writeblr as someone strongly supportive of other writers through their struggles and successes, and I figure it might be useful to see that I speak as someone who has their fair share of doubts. Consider it a show of neurosis that supports me as your steadfast advocate in creative growth and potential.

I'll put it under a read more. It's nothing triggering I don't think, I'm just a little embarrassed to have it fully visible under what I still consider to be a relatively professional space. Or at least a space for me as a professional whose brand involves not being very professional.

Nevertheless.

I debated for a long time self-publishing Blind Trust. I went back and forth every so often for weeks, and my poor wife had to deal with the brunt of my strange excuses not to do it. It really came down to one big question, which was...why?

Why am I publishing this? And for money, no less? That's weird. Why would anybody support that? It wouldn't deter me from writing if I never published any of the Songbird Elegies. I'd still write them. I've been writing stories for almost 20 years that no one has ever read and no one will probably ever read.

Sure, I have the fantasies of relative cult notoriety. People making fanart of my characters and sharing weird memes about my plot points. Finding comfort in the words and stories I've created to comfort myself. When I was still considered schizoaffective my dad gave me a copy of Flow My Tears the Policeman Said by Philip K. Dick and said that he was "like us". If that happened to someone else with one of my books it would mean the world to me.

Then again, would it? Because in my actual, real, physical life I am terrible at taking praise. It's like trying to catch a ball from the other side of a brick wall. If you ever pass me on the street I'm guaranteed to be wearing soundproof headphones and blasting music to keep anyone from talking to me. You might catch my eye and I'll smile and nod, maybe toss a compliment your way, but if you try to have a conversation and I do not know you I will absolutely just keep walking. I can't do it.

I love people and I'm terrified of people. It's always been this way.

It's easier online. I mean it when I say that I'm open to anyone here just starting a conversation with me about anything. There's already the unspoken assumption that we're all already weird, so I don't have to think too hard about your motivations. But still, large amounts of praise and positive reinforcement make me deeply uncomfortable. I've been trying to work on that for years, but I find most advice on building self-worth deeply unhelpful.

It's not like I'd prefer hate. I think I'm just not used to being noticed either way.

This is the first time I've made an honest effort to put my work, and by proxy myself (all writers are brands now, says the publishing industry as a whole) on display online. And for the most part it's been great! I enjoy the connections I've made here. The promise of making more. There are so many skilled storytellers here that it gives me a lot of hope and excitement for the future of literature.

But it's weird. It's really weird.

Most of the time I see it as another social media client. I stand by the posts I make and do them for fun, but I also do them to maintain a presence and draw in more attention. I studied to do things like this for work before. I picked like three social media management tactics that I thought I could remember when I was 18 and just stuck by them. And then occasionally I go oh wait. This isn't some nonprofit. This isn't a start-up for tech assholes. This is me.

And that's weird.

It's not a massive following I have, but it's more than I've ever had before under my own personal and creative writing. I published short stories and articles, but I never heard anything from them. There are short stories I have on online journals that I genuinely do not know if anyone has read. Here, I see people like things and I'm like huh. I feel like a mummy or a ghoul. I do not understand what people are doing.

One part of my brain takes this information and says that it's probably proof that when I publish Blind Trust, some people will buy it. People have expressed interest already. Which means they're probably interested, I think. I post excerpts of my writing and people seem to enjoy it enough to click a button or leave a comment. That's cool. I don't get why it happens, but it's very cool and it makes me happy.

At the same time there's this undercurrent of paranoia. I don't get it. And I don't think I ever will. That's essentially been my only coping mechanism for publishing at this point - I don't know if it'll work, but I might as well try and if I do something will probably happen.

I know I'm a writer. At this point it would be ridiculous to say I wasn't. I'm a professional, working writer, and experienced enough to know that saying all that doesn't say much in terms of quality.

Am I a good writer? I don't really know what that means. I like Blind Trust. I'm reading it for the fourth time as I edit it again and I genuinely enjoy it. So someone who thinks like me and has similar tastes to myself might feel the same way. I don't really know who that person might be. Statistically I imagine they have to exist somewhere. And that there's at least a handful of them.

Imposter Syndrome is real and I don't think it ever goes away. I'd like to think that it's one of those things where you think about it less and less, and this is just the first night in maybe five months that I'm really thinking about it.

I'm not expecting to make a ton of money off my first book. In fact, I probably will be sick from anxiety with any purchase I get for the first year, because it means that someone spent human money on writing I am happy to just give them for free.

But this is going to be my job. I want this to be my job so I can spend more time doing it. Because I've dedicated so much time to doing all of this, it means I get to spend a lot of my day getting other writers to write even a little bit of their own stories. And that's so important to me.

I don't know. I don't really have a neat end to this. I'm forcing myself to actually follow through with posting it, and then to continue keeping it up even though it feels incredibly vulnerable to be, in my opinion, this self-indulgent and whiny. It's insecure. I'm still insecure. I'm in therapy and on medication and there's more shit I got to do in life.

Still, I'm telling myself that my version of being a Professional Writer is to showcase emotional pitfalls like this. Newer writers might know that you can sometimes have a night where you might not be in despair, per say, but certainly deep confusion, and then come back the next day and keep on working. I stand by what I mean when I say that the craft should not be entirely miserable. It is still maybe 25% inconvenient to me, and I am currently in that less-desirable quarter.

So what am I doing? Wife got us Jersey Mike's, so I had a yummy sandwich. Kafka is sitting on my calves, just behind my laptop monitor. I'm listening to my soul/funk playlist while Wife plays Hell Divers for the first time. Later we're going to play a board game.

But for now, I'm going to keep editing my goddamned novel.

Blind Trust out in June. Get ready people, because I'm not.

#writeblr #writing community #writers on tumblr #on writing #writing #indie author #authors of tumblr #vent post #personal #oh god the ego #i'm dying

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tallochar · 9 months ago

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☕️ also, hopes/wishlist/expectations for the next DC cinematic universe, if that's something you think about at all?

I honestly tuned out of DC fairly soon, for the longest time I was more of a Marvel girly (until Marvel burned me out and now I go but I do not emotionally invest into it anymore), and I still have to see ... ugh, so many of their movies.

I went to see the first Aquaman in 4DX (back before my back pain made it so that 4DX is not a viable option for me, first world problems I know but it bums me out that I cannot go anymore without ending up in crippling pain) but that was because it had both Jason Momoa and Temuera Morrison and I am a long time fan of both (and also Jason Momoa going around mostly shirtless and wet? Always going to watch) though I actually skipped the second one because it happened in a moment in RL last year while I wasn't paying attentions to movies AT ALL and so I managed to miss that it was coming out.

I know I should watch if not all of the old movies at least the Flashpoint one (can't remember if it's the correct name or not but I know I will at some point because the unholy squeaking sounds I made when Michael Keaton showed up in the trailer, I can't even begin to tell you).

I have yet to watch anything with Affleck!Batman in it and I kinda want to see his take on the character, but I don't have the spoons in me. I have seen 1 Superman!Cavill movie and it didn't really make me want to watch more.

I have also seen Wonder Woman 1 and from what I remember it was pretty enjoyable as long as I did not engage my brain, but when I did it had some plot holes that bugged me and some stuff that did not fully jive with me but I could not open my mouth about anything less than absolutely blindingly loving it lest I be crucified for it because it was Directed By A Woman [or that was the impression fandom gave me at the time] so I just kept my mouth shut and peaced out.

I had a blast watching the most recent Harley Queen movie, but it's not a BOP movie and it's definitely an Elseworld movie kinda deal to me because that's the only way I could watch it without screaming vengeance over their treatment of Cassandra Cain or most other non-Harley characters involved. Otherwise I would just scream and hate and rage.

I have not watched Joker yet because it strikes me as the sort of movie I need to be in a specific sort of mood to watch or it might really fuck with me in a bad way so I don't know how I feel about Joker Folies Au Deux (or the fact that it seems, from the trailer, to be painting Joker as the one exploited and manipulated into things by Harley rather than the other way around) but like, it feels like A Serious Movie That Might Hurt Me Emotionally because Joaquin Phoenix and it being definitely an Elseworld movie and also I am no, generally speaking, a big Joker fan so -- *shrug and raise hands emoji*

I deeply enjoyed the more recent Suicide Squad right until they killed Rick Flag and then I gasped in pain and wanted to beat Peacemaker's face in (I know his series is good, according to people whose tastes I trust, but HE KILLED RICK FLAG, I am NOT watching it [yet], yes I can absolutely be petty like that) so I am tentatively trusting James Gunn.

I know it's considered more of an Elseworld sort of movie, but I did really love The Batman with Robert Pattinson and I am looking forward to see what they do with a sequel to that and how they move on from how the last movie ended (here's to hoping we don't get too big of a timeskip, I would really love if they picked it up from where it left off rather than jumping ahead).

I am not sure how I feel about the "current canon" Batman movie in the works going with Damian as the Robin in it, but I am being tentatively hopeful about it, because my brain (possibly stupidly but hey I am allowed to dream until I get jossed) keeps thinking it is actually a genius idea if instead of going from Dick forward you jumpstart things by having Damian there and possibly referencing the other former Robins as Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, Spoiler / Batgirl, maybe throw in Black Bat too etc. and then you can just introduce them with their own movies without having to go through things chronologically.

It is very much NOT encouraging to me that it's based upon the Morrison storyline, though, because I am a Tim fan and Morrison did their best to excise him and treat him from non-existent to pretty much an outsider.

I don't know if that's Gunn's vision or if it's just my own take on doing things, but it could be cool? Maybe? Here's hoping.

I went and took a look at the list of upcoming movies (this one) because I wasn't keeping up with it and seeing The Authority on it makes me hope a tender hope that it will not completely fucking suck and that it might actually be interesting (please please please do them all justice, I am begging here).

I am flabbergasted Keanu Reeves agreed to come back as Constantine, but I liked the first movie (which I saw before I read any comics with constantine in it) so hey, maybe it will be another interesting movie again. I do like Keanu as an actor, though he is very much an Elseworld Constantine and has nothing to do with pre-Flashpoint canon Constantine, which is the one I know.

Seeing a Nightwing movie being talked about makes me think I might be right about the upcoming Batman movie introducing Damian but also having the other former Robins in the background and that would be honestly a relief.

I'd love to see a Lobo movie doing the Main Man right but god, that would be so tricky to pull off, especially in the current socio-political climate and with the cancellation culture and everything else going on that I've seen fandom wise.

Everything else I am seeing on that list either doesn't excite me or is not really a character I know so I'll take it with a grain of salt.

Sorry if this was more rambling about past projects than upcoming ones, I tried to balance things out and hope this answers your curiosity :D

Thank you for sending in the asks!

#about me #answering asks #dceu movies #dc comics #just as a parent tag #umbrellacam

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thatcheeseycandle · 1 year ago

Text

//tw for mentions of war, death, breakdowns, fighting, hurt, and Buckle up Buttercup ITS TIME FOR THE FIRST FANFICTION I'LL EVER BE POSTING

Now before reading I'd like to point out the possibility of the characters here being somewhat out-of-character since each bit was written in 10 minutes (IT WAS FOR A SPRINTING BOT DISCORD SESSION OKAY- But I did clean it up a bit by redoing some of the bits) and then to add on I used a wheel to pick what I should do

And the wheel chose "do a story where a side character actually shows emotion for once" so uh would explain why Spencer might might be like half out-of-character

To add on this is basically my take on the whole.. "Irl History affects the plot" thing (also being set in my Candle-lit Railways AU which also explains the humanoid descriptions) so yup, PREPARE FOR WAR-

-----------------

As the candle dimmed down it's light, The shed doors would close with silence filling the air, simply another night to rest then waste all that energy again.

Spencer would let out an exhausted sigh. He knew how devastated Mallard would be once he heard the news about Gadwall, the more innocent one among the Gresleys, always naive yet a charming one in his own unique way.

Unique enough to get Great Northern, of all people, to soften up to him. It still surprised Spencer til' this moment that he got North to become soft. Though that uniqueness left a gap in reality, a horrible reality, that's now began a world war.

Which was the same exact thing that led to Gadwall's demise. The demise of the only light that was left in darkness. They killed an innocent engine just because of humanity's selfishness.

They killed his brother. His youngest brother.

The Shed doors would open, snapping Spencer out of his thoughts as he looked to who was near the doors. He would see it to be Sir Nigel, in his humanoid form.

He would sigh in relief, maybe Sir Nigel could keep him from his night terrors for just this night. Just for an hour at least.

Sir Nigel would look up to Spencer, sitting on a stool next to him. Simply looking out the shed into the moonlight knowing that Spencer needed some company.

"I miss him too."

Sir Nigel suddenly said in a mournful voice.

"I-.. I miss him more than.. More than anything, honestly."

Spencer replied back, depressingly.

As the two sat there, simply tranquil together, they would mourn in silence. For their brother. Because nothing was louder than their younger brother's joyous aura.

That aura was gone for good.

———

He was in the rain, running as fast as he could towards Top sheds. He knew his crew would say something about Gadwall's death. He can't be held back by his engine form, not now. Even if he wasn't steaming he was able to shift into his humanoid form.

Spencer’s fire kept burning and burning inside his chest as he ran through the rain. Running like someone who was rollerblading, technically he was skating with his wheels.

But he kept running and running. He didn't care if his crew would scold him, he wouldn't care if Sir Nigel Gresley himself would come to scold him after. He needed to save what was left of Mallard's innocence, what was left of his hope.

With World War II currently escalating into more madness, Spencer had to hold onto each bit of hope he could keep or at least save. He had to hold onto Mallard's innocence more, even just for a week or a day he had to hold onto it a little bit longer.

As he got to top sheds, he already felt the atmosphere shift as he caught a glimpse of Quicksilver and Mercury's mournful faces. Silverfox was in Polly's arms, sobbing, grieving as the news sunk into her mind. He knew that his crew told them as well, he already knew by the shift, by the faces.

He would bust open the doors to Mallard's shed, his black silver-lined coat falling to the floor, but he wouldn't bother to pick it up as he saw Mallard's fallen face. Spencer saw the tears slip down Mallard's cheeks more quicker than water pouring into an engine's boiler. It was too late.

Mallard had the news sunken into his mind and Spencer knew that well enough to not take one more step near Mallard, afraid that he'd lose his mind more than he looks like he already has.

He simply stood there, letting Mallard grieve as his crew comforted the glossed-black locomotive as he grieved for his younger sibling. Spencer would take off his hat, in respect of Mallard currently breaking down.

Spencer didn't even need to look back to know that the others were watching Mallard slowly breakdown, he already could vision how Merlin would react to Mallard breaking down this much.

The thoughts inside Spencer's mind would inflict more anxiety through his veins as his breathe became shaky and his chest heavy, though wouldn't even flinch a single bit out of respect for Mallard.

It was a known rule that if you show weakness around someone who's in terrible condition physically or/and mentally, it is a sign of selfishness slipping through your mind.

And Spencer held that rule more higher than his pride, it was the only rule that really stuck to him underneath all his pride and “glory” for some reason. He didn't know that reason.

But he does know that, as of now, he needs to show his respect towards Mallard in his time of grief.

———

The rain would be pouring heavily atop of Top Sheds as the engines rested in their assigned sheds, some of them shivering from the cold while the rest would be sleeping tired of the workload for today. Though some engines wouldn't be either of those.

Silver Fox and Pretty Polly were the only ones awake at the time, Donovan was doing his last runs of the night so technically he counted as awake too. The two would sit in their sheds, which were next to each other. Polly would be looking up at the sky, not trying to guess any constellations, simply grieving silently.

Silver Fox on the other hand was trying to hold back tears from what's happened today, it was devastating seeing Silver King having to get hurt, even worse that Quick Silver started to lash out. She just wanted all this to stop.

She wanted everything to go back to normal, she didn't want to be apart of this war, even if it meant her being in her shed for decades. She never wanted to face all this. She thought frustratingly to herself.

She wouldn't realize until now that she started to have warm tears flow down her eyes onto her cheeks, dripping onto the ground, which would be heard due to the silence that hung over Top sheds.

As she blinked away her tears she would look over to Pretty Polly, who wasn't backed in her shed not caring for the cold, she simply rested outside as her gaze was focused at the sky above.

Silver fox would watch her silently, slowly going forward to get a better glimpse as her. Though Polly would sense her warm aura come near her.

“What do you think of the stars, my dear Fox?”

Polly asked Fox, in a soothing tranquil tone, Silver Fox would flinch a bit at Polly calling out to her, though would go forward a bit going next to Polly. As she got closer she would see tears flowing from Polly's eyes as well, shining in the moonlight as she gazed at the sky above them.

Silver Fox would be surprised at this. Though she couldn't really blame Polly, she thought to herself. With the war going on, and all the deaths that's been happening she must've felt the warmth of each soul disappear by the days passing by, Silver Fox thought as she continued her train of thought.

Finally she'd gaze up to the dark-royal blue sky, with the stars shining like the sparks of fire from an engine's firebox, a new star popping up by a few minutes. Each group of stars forming a shape, a symbol, a constellation.

It's.. It's gorgeous. Silver Fox thought through her grief. Though it didn't feel like the right words to describe the sky somehow, the view felt more than gorgeous. It felt serene yet overwhelming with all the stars in the sky.

Though she'd finally come up with a phrase, that almost, perfectly describes the feelings she has about the sky.

“It makes me feel at home, Ms Polly.”

————————————

YKNOW REREADING THAT IT MADE ME REMEMBER TOO MANY HEADCANONS I HAD FOR THE CANDLE-LIT RAILWAYS AU BEHAHDBXBX BUT YUP IT WAS NICE TO REWRITE THIS PIECE TO IT'S (near) POTENTIAL

SO YUP I'LL JUST POST ANOTHER FANFIC RIGHT WHEN MY BRAIN GETS AN IDEA-

#cheesyversial rants #ttte fanfic #ttte young iron au (??)#technically this is inspired by how the war played out in YIAU but just with my designs BUT YEAH CREDITS TO YIAU-#candlelit storytime #cheesey writes

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dearaliya · 1 year ago

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Iron Flame: Was it prophecy or predictable?

Dear Aliya,

Immediately into spoiler territory, but may I first begin with a screenshot from my Iron Wing prelude followed by one of our during reading conversations?

Turns out that nap was SIGNIFICANTLY LESS PERMANENT than I'd initially thought. Shall we discuss?

So Jack is back! Or he never left? As much as I enjoyed the book I must admit, either I've gotten worse at reading and understanding or some of the passages in this book are just not well written. My rough understanding is that Jack's power was shields, he got buried but actually didn't and channelled venin style to save himself. This was all tightly followed by going crazy because that's what comes with ultimate power. He was nice enough when he came back, to a point where I thought he deadass might be added to the roster of men hovering around Violet, but then he just up and disappears for most of the book.

I mean, welcome back for all 36 pages you were actually a part of, a bulk of that being the finale, I guess??

I won't mince words. Why is he back? Was there no other option to destroying the wardstone? I mean he is the catalyst for the bond numbing serum so that's handy, but I have trouble believing that he was such a stellar student that three non-stop months were dedicated to his recovery when other students are typically just left to die. Perhaps they were also just using him as an experiment to see if venin-ness could be cured, but in failing they still just released him back into everyday life and hoped nothing bad would happen. Because he's always been a shimmering pillar of good behaviour and not someone who murders his classmates to prove that he can.

Speaking of! The fliers were a wonderful breath of fresh air because they voiced the very same opinions I held since the beginning of book one. Why is Basgiath so willing to kill off their cadets in the name of strength?

When told that challenges occur between cadets and can result in death, they're all understandably mortified that the war college allows this. Not to mention that in comparison to threshing, where yet again the cadets are highly expected to die, the flier cadets either make the cut or fail and have to pick a different faction to train in. They cannot understand why death is just expected when they're fighting a war and need all the numbers they can get and frankly, I couldn't agree more. But while I did enjoy the addition of the fliers as characters and them calling the dragon riders on their shit, there was one character I have to simply sigh at.

Catriona.

Of course, it wouldn't be a romance book without a love rival. There was enough going on between Xaden and Violet that she really wasn't needed to stir the pot. I enjoy her character towards the end, but when she's written as nothing more than a plot device to make Violet and Xaden fight I really couldn't be less interested. Aside from the betrothal to unify nations and Catriona being more attached to the power behind Xaden's name than him (which was a lovely bit of politics I wanted to see MORE OF) none of this is necessary.

Now, about Xaden and Violet.

I just... I need them both to open their eyes to the situation they find themselves in. Violet is mad that Xaden is keeping secrets, in a WAR where if even one gets out it could mean DEATH. Xaden's argument is that if she asks, he'll tell her which sounds like a fair trade in theory but consider, if you will, this same thought I held all the way back in school.

Teacher: If there's anything you don't know, ask! Me, tender age of nine: If I don't know what I don't know, hOw Do I aSK?

And that's the problem, or at least part of it. Violet doesn't want to ask some of the hard questions, fine. It's a contradiction of her character since she constantly needs knowledge and facts no matter the cost but fine. But even not asking the questions she does know to ask, how is she supposed to ask about things she doesn't know exist? And this is where I start to feel my patience thin with Xaden. He's chastising her for getting angry that she doesn't know anything because she's not asking but she didn't know about Catriona, Tecarus, his second signet and so on and so forth.

Is this the communication you promised? IS IT?

600 pages of the SAME ARGUMENT!??

And if they're not arguing, they're banging. I know the audience we're targeting, but with the amount of smut there was in absolutely inopportune moments just felt forced. We are two pages off a battle that might kill everyone they know and love, which might be a harrowing thought to process if the characters could get OFF one another long enough.

Now, although I just ragged on this book for 1... 2... 797 words, I will not have people believe I didn't enjoy it. So there are a few things here and there I have gripes with, I'm a picky kinda gal! The good outweighs the bad, mooooooostly.

I do think that this book was likely pushed out a bit too rapidly so the hype wouldn't be lost from the first book. Had there been time to go in and clean up this book, it would have really benefitted. Clunky dialogue, words that don't seem to fit the context, plot threads that go nowhere and random little thoughts with no conclusion are all scattered throughout this book. Just a whisper of tweaking could have ironed most of this out.

Curse capitalism.

But, unless I missed something in the marketing, this book isn't meant to be some otherwordly prodigy of a book, it's a romantasy with a high focus on the romance appealing to its designated audience after going nuclear on booktok. It knows what it is, Yarros knows what is it, and what it is is FUN.

Some of the lines from the characters, modern though they are, are fun and cheeky and youthful. The dragons, yet again, carry this book on their backs because all of their interactions are so enjoyable. There are little twists and turns that do catch you off guard, refreshing from the gentle handholding of the first book.

If people read it and like it, fantastic! If they read it and don't, understandable! But I do think everyone, especially those who want to get back into reading again as a hobby, give this series a crack because they're very easy to step into and get lost in.

Nothing more comes to mind, so I appreciate you listening to my thoughts. I’ll see you next time, stay well!

Hannah xx

#fourth wing #booktok #books and reading #violet sorrengail #dain aetos #xaden riorson #book review #jack barlowe #catriona #dragons #iron flame #rebecca yarros #the empyrean

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goldeneyedgirl · 7 months ago

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day 125 asking for home again please i'm begging u i don't mind if you have a new chapter an idea or just rambling randomly about this fic i'm only asking for crumbs i hope it will touch your heart

Anon, you moved me. I'm so sorry I forgot your request. I have a memory like swiss cheese.

The rewrite has temporarily stalled, only because I have four chapter fics going, three one-shots needing to be finished, and I'm plotting out Whumptober, Nanowrimo, and Ficmas. Plus I have uni work which involves planning and writing a manuscript in 2025. Soo rewrites have escaped me for the time being.

But I do have plans to add a couple of fics to that series. The next fic I was going to publish was second chronologically - Cynthia's wedding. So this takes place maybe eight weeks after Home Again, so everything is kind of new and Jasper gets to experience Alice's family nonsense and how the insanely rich live.

Other fics I was messing with in this universe (the file for these has disappeared, so I have to do a deep dive on my harddrive to see where it was filed but it's totally gone at the moment) includes Alice's father showing up in Mexico for a surprise visit at a very inopportune time; the Brandons deciding to have a pre-Christmas gathering at Alice's house so that Alice's mom can get a bunch of photos for social media; Alice and Jasper in Seattle (I mean, we need to have Maria show up at some point - I love writing Maria); plus drama around the rest of the family - Edward and Bella having a baby, Peter and Charlotte getting married, and just other wholesome nonsense.

I might also drag the OG drafts for celebrity Alice out of the archives for Ficmas because, listen, the original Vision was very different. I think there were three different versions in 24 hours, lol.

Anyway, here is some of the draft of Cynthia's Wedding/the Spectacle.

jasper.

Flowers.

That was Jasper’s first thought.

He’d never seen so many flowers in one place before.

Or ribbons.

Or people.

“Breathe.” Alice was standing beside him, looking much more at ease than he felt. She looked beautiful but almost foreign on his arm; she’d had hair and make-up people in their suite early, and had emerged with an artfully messy updo and an almost porcelain-doll appearance.

She didn’t seem entirely real, honestly.

None of this did.

They’d arrived in New York City the afternoon before and this had been the most eye-opening twenty-four hours of his life.

First of all, the chauffeur that had picked them up from the airport had swept them to one of the most expensive hotels in the city - he knew Alice had vetoed the Plaza, where Cynthia was getting married, citing a complete lack of privacy - and they had been quickly and efficiently swept up to a suite that was, frankly, nicer than his Seattle apartment. A perfectly tailored suit and Alice’s dress for the wedding had been waiting for them, along with a handwritten schedule and half a dozen floral arrangements - as well as a bottle of champagne and a ‘good luck’ note from Carmen, which made Alice snort.

There had been a dinner reservation made at the hotel restaurant with Alice’s godmother - a pinched woman who downed three martinis and left citing a need for a cigarette before they’d even received their entrees. Alice had laughed at his total bewilderment - “I’ve known her my whole life, Jas, and I’ve never seen her eat anything more substantial than a martini olive - or stay at an event longer than thirty minutes.”

The next morning, Alice had disappeared to spa treatments, hair, and makeup after breakfast, and returned to the room looking rather blank and popped two pain pills on a relatively empty stomach but had reassured him that she was fine. He’d even gone out to get her something to eat, but she’d only picked at it and blamed nerves about being in front of the camera.

And now they were at the wedding.

Alice’s dress was beautiful - dark plum lace tailored close to her body with a high neck and buttons running down her spine. The hem brushed the floor, concealing the fact that she had insisted on nearly four inch heels despite the pain they caused her. A small fortune of diamonds hung from her ears and around her wrist that Alice claimed belonged to the family trust, from a long-dead family member. The suit Carmen had arranged for him was tailored so perfectly that it was one of the most comfortable things he’d ever worn - and one of the nicest, far and away nicer than what he'd worn at his own wedding.

That made him a little nervous - first class flights to New York, the hotel room, the suit… Alice had convinced him that as her date, she was going to cover everything. He was doing her a favour, after all - Cynthia wouldn’t have allowed her to attend without a plus-one. But this whole weekend was costing more than his entire life, and that made him somewhat uncomfortable.

“This is…”

“A lot, I know.” Alice’s smile is pasted on her face, and doesn’t look quite right. “Just look like you’re happy to be here and no one will notice.”

“I’m happy to be here with you, this is just terrifying,” he murmured in her ear and for a moment, Alice’s mask dropped and she gave him a genuine, albeit bashful, smile.

The entrance had an actual red - well, gold - carpet at the entrance, against a wall of white roses. Various photographers were lined up, snapping away. It took him several moments to place a few of the other guests dotted along the carpet - models, celebrities, singers… It was surreal.

Ignoring people calling out to her, Alice carefully guided him inside the hotel.

—

The ceremony room was all gold and white, adored in hundreds of white candles, and masses of flowers in whites, pinks, and lemons. It was dizzying and oddly hypnotic, like standing in a secret garden but knowing that something wasn't quite right about it.

Gold chairs draped in silky fabric were arranged for the guests - rows and rows of them, negating Alice’s assumption that this was planned to be an intimate wedding. A white and gold bar was set up at the back of the room, where numerous people were clustered around - people Jasper had only ever seen on TV.

“You’ll be seated in the front row,” the perky attendant said, escorting them down the aisle, gesturing to two seats.

Securing a glass of champagne for Alice and a gin-and-tonic for himself, Jasper immediately returned to where Alice was seated - where a man was looming over her. He wearing a well-worn, rumpled suit, clutching a drink like it was a lifeline, and looked like he needed a shave and a good night's sleep. He wasn't anyone that Jasper recognised, but the way he was scrutinizing Alice made Jasper feel oddly protective of her.

"Mary, Mary," the man said in a rough voice that sounded almost mocking to Jasper's ears as he handed Alice her champagne.

“Alistair,” the fake smile is back but Alice doesn’t rise, merely nods at him. “How are you?”

Alistair, the former fiancé - a long-time associate of Alice’s father and not someone Alice has spoken of fondly. He didn’t know the details of the break up - or even the engagement - and he couldn’t bring himself to google search his own ... what? Girlfriend? Either way, it felt very disloyal to google things Alice didn't really want to talk about.

“You look better than I expected,” Alistair is frank, and is inspecting Alice like a piece of meat. “The way your family has carried on, I expected...”

"To be at death's door?" Alice offers sweetly.

"You not to be here," Alistair chuckles, before looking Jasper up and down.

Mr Platt is exactly what Jasper expected; an imposing man with salt and pepper hair and generic movie star looks. He doesn’t acknowledge anyone around him, firmly focused on his phone. There’s a haughty looking woman next to him in a shimmering dark blue dress and smooth red hair that Jasper suspects is his wife, even if she isn’t old enough to be Alice’s mother.

“Fourth wife, former assistant,” Alice murmurs to him from behind her champagne glass. “Mother of two daughters, and she’s very upset that neither of them were boys.”

#asks #my fic: home again #the problem with this series is of course the fact i have to source every single outfit or item to make sure its accurate #in one draft i spent forty minutes researching overpriced candles #did i need to find cynthia's wedding dress and alice's gown? yes. did i have to research wedding locations and hotels in nyc yes #jasper is realising that his college debt wouldn't even cover the catering at this wedding #alice is realizing two of her three exes are in attendance and there aren't enough pills in the world #cynthia isn't a villain i promise #she's just a post disney-channel society nepo baby #who has been repeatedly informed that alice is an unstable black sheep who is totally unreasonable #rose is scrolling furiously on social media and texting jasper to confirm/deny what she's seeing

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seeingteacupsindragons · 1 year ago

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I saw your post about line editing and I hope it’s okay for me to sneak in here ☺️ (I’m not sure if this question completely qualifies …)

Do you have any advice for someone who is a serial edit-as-they-go-er? I really struggle not to stop every page or so and go back through it with a fine comb and line edit, and sometimes I think this hinders progress, although others I find it gives me more motivation to continue when I know I’m happier with what I’ve just written.

The problem is, every time I have to break from writing for more than a few hours, I then have to reread when I return, and I just can’t seem to manage a reread without tinkering with things.

I still go back and do a further edit once the full thing is written, of course, but editing as I go is a serious habit of mine and I’d love to be able to try writing a full piece without doing so until the draft is done 🤦🏼‍♀️

Well, I mean, I do edit as I go. Sometimes you need to. Sometimes "that bit right here isn't right, and it's throwing off my ability to get back into the story and write, so I'm going to redo it and it's going to be better and the bumps will even out."

And, sometimes I just realize that whole plot point isn't going anywhere and I just cut it early before getting to involved trying to figure it out. Also helpful.

That said, things like Scrivener and Word's "Pick up where you left off" are helpful for this. Scrivener saves the scene I was working on and opens right back up to it. Word's thing just scrolls me right back down to where I was. So I don't have to scroll/re-read/trying to figure out where I was. I'm just there now, and there's less I'm staring over to start picking at.

But if you don't have a function like that on your word processor, and you still find you're spending more time fussing with word choices than actually moving the story forward, then there's a few things you can try:

Make notes of where you left the scene and what the plan is when you close it. Again, Scrivener makes this easy by attaching a "notes" section to each scene, but you can just put it in a weird font or color where you left off. Therefore, when you open the thing again, you're not trying to figure out what to do or noodling around refamiliarizing yourself with the project and where you were. You have a little summary right there from yourself

Writing warmups. I find a lot of the nitpicking editing at the start of a writing session is because you're easing into the writing session. That's fine and good, and the line-editing is a low-key way to remind yourself you know how words work and get back into the writing mindset. So if you open up a different document and just free write some completely new nonsense or do a little scene practice or writing exercise, then you might be able to stave off the editing. And you get practice doing a weird thing or stretching some writing muscles or end up with a new story idea or scene to use later. You might have to time yourself on these to not get too wrapped up in them

Also why would it not be okay for you to send me an ask? O_o

#writing #writing advice

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marcilled · 2 years ago

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I'd love to hear your thoughts on TOTK and what it's flaws and strengths are to you!

I had a whole response typed for this, ready to post, and my power shut off... well! I'm back now so I'll try to type my thoughts on this again.

big disclaimer here that tears of the kingdom is a HUGE game... I'm still working my way through it. I've done the equivalent of one of the divine beasts in botw for a bit of reference (they have a very direct equivalent in totk it seems).

that being said some of its strengths were the strengths botw had... truly expansive open world, that does an amazing job at rewarding you for exploring it. It never feels "empty", there's always some little surprise to find in every tiny nook and cranny you can explore- usually a korok. There's so many koroks. None of them are where they were in botw, despite using the same map (with some modifications).

this got really long, so I'm going to put a readmore (might contain some vague spoilers)

What I find especially apparent with totk, that sets it apart from the previous game, is that it does a really great job of guiding the player from point to point. It's still very much an open world game, but instead of leaving you directionless and hoping you find what you're looking for, there's always some npc mentioning that some weird ruins from the ancient zumblefuck civilization suddenly appeared in chungustown, across the suckdick river in east falumpa or whatever.

Even when you're just, you know, getting your horse out of the stable, the npcs will constantly be giving you directions to some major landmark, where you'll find a bunch of other npcs giving important quests or furthering the plot! In that way, you're never left wondering "well, this is great and all, but what is there to do in this game besides exploring", they just straight up tell you. botw ... sort of did that, but not enough.

I think that this sort of design philosophy is especially apparent in the tutorial island you begin the game at, where they very expertly crafted this island that is definitely "open world", but at the same time, directs you from point to point almost invisibly. Sure, you could visit any of the three shrines in any order you like- but there's one shrine super close to you, and it's the most visible from where you start the quest. So, may as well go there! Oh, turns out that the next shrine is way easier to get to after you have the ability from that closest shrine... Not to mention, the little robots give lots of tips for everything you're about to run into along the path you conveniently ended up taking that definitely isn't exactly where the game wants you to go! Plus, you keep running into this handsome goat man along the way who's always saying some contemplative stuff that makes you fall in love with him. Wait was that just me? Anyways, it's incredibly clever at guiding the player where they need to go without seeming like it's holding your hand either. botw wasn't really designed that way, and I appreciate that totk takes this approach.

In line with the direction that the npcs give you, I also really love to see how the world of totk feels so much more alive than in botw. In botw, humanity had nearly been wiped out by the calamity. For 100 years they toiled just to survive, and the remaining settlements felt very disconnected from one another, with how dangerous travel was. It gave this very melancholic feeling to every place you visited. However, in totk, it's clear that some time has passed since link defeated calamity ganon, and the people of hyrule have really begun to heal. There's people everywhere, and they're visiting each other more often. There's cooperation from every part of the kingdom, with everyone working together to try to find Zelda, and figure out what caused the upheaval, and what it means for the future. One particular interaction I really loved, was talking to a rito and a hylian woman at a stable near rito village, where the rito woman had come to pick up supplies for the village to deal with the intense blizzard there. The hylian woman said something like, "we're glad to help you, you've been wonderful neighbors to us!", and the rito woman was so thankful. that sort of camaraderie really sets the tone for totk, and it warmed my heart to see. There's this real sense of the world healing and supporting one another that I really enjoy.

Another thing that sets it apart, for better and worse, is the all-new abilities you get. No more magnesis or stasis or bombs, they're replaced with ultrahand, reversal, and... being able to attach bombs to literally any object you desire, as well as throw them directly, or even stick them onto contraptions you build?! Not to mention the ability that lets you travel up through ceilings. The abilities are quite different and do make a serious impact in how you play! The bizarre fucking contraptions you're able to build using ultrahand, combined with the various pieces of zonai tech, makes for some really compelling emergent gameplay! And lots of funny clips you can post online which I'm sure you've probably seen by now. It's a lot of fun.

That being said, I feel there's something lost by getting rid of the old abilities- for example, I almost never find myself using any of those abilities during combat. The most I'll do is attach items to my weapons (which is very fun!), but it's nothing compared to being able to bonk enemies with huge rocks using magnesis, or using stasis to pile on the damage onto a single enemy, or even just launch them off of cliffs. Although, the rest of the fun physics from botw is still there, like freezing enemies and making them slide around or what have you. I guess my primary complaint here is that the new abilities feel a bit underutilized, for example I pretty much never use the ability to reverse time, unless I'm doing a shrine where it's obviously required for a puzzle or something. Ah well.

I think my main complaint with totk really just boils down to the story just kind of refusing to admit that it's a sequel? even though... it is a sequel?? it's kind of weird, and just makes me sort of sad. Ancient Sheikah technology was crucial to the entire worldbuilding and story of botw, and somehow it's nowhere to be found in totk. They've just replaced all the ancient sheikah stuff with different ancient tech, which, while it's really cool in its own right, makes it feel very disconnected from the game that came before it. I get that they're trying to make the game feel welcoming to people who never played the first one, but you don't have to literally get rid of all traces of the previous game to accomplish that?!? I haven't found a SINGLE broken-down guardian anywhere in the whole game so far, much less one that's still living. There's been basically NO MENTION of the divine beasts either! The most I've seen is purah and impa having some ancient sheikah stuff/pictures relating to the calamity, but that's about it. It doesn't go beyond mentioning that the calamity happened, really. It's bizarre. They don't even talk about calamity ganon. What the hell!!! it just makes me kind of upset.

Actually, it goes deeper than this. the threat of calamity ganon was omnipresent in botw. You could always see it floating around the castle from almost anywhere on the map, at the very center. More than that, though, the remnants of an ancient war were everywhere- Guardians existed everywhere, always threatening you with that utterly terrifying music. There's not really an equivalent to that in totk. Sure, there's the zonai constructs, but... None of them are nearly as threatening as guardians were, other than the ones that are obviously boss fights. It just feels a bit sad, there's not as much "urgency" to your actions.

Then again, totk seems a bit more linear in its progression than botw- it could be possible that I'm still too early on to see the difficulty ramp up further, and introduce new threats? that'd actually be really cool if that were the case, but I have no idea. I just have to keep playing, I suppose. But as of rn, the "demon king" is just a big question mark, and his influence on the story is a bit unclear right now. it's not even immediately obvious what the endgame is, which is a lot different from botw. So perhaps I'll hold my judgement on this front until later. I just miss how the guardians were a constant threat, always reminding you of what your goal is.

And as one last quickfire of several little complaints:

The (english) voice acting in the game is very underwhelming. It's just not very good. I play ffxiv so I'm used to middling voice performances tho LOL. this was a problem in botw as well tho.

the boss fight i did (that i compared to one of the divine beasts) was too easy. i expected it to feel at least a little challenging, but i didn't feel threatened even once. the enemies i encounter in the overworld are tougher, it felt kinda underwhelming in spite of the (extremely good) boss music

the depths feels a bit samey after a while. my first impression was utter awe, i was like, "i'm completely in love with this game", but i soon realized that they used some sort of algorithm to translate the topography of the overworld onto the depths and suddenly the magic disappeared a bit. it's still really cool, and the mechanic of permanently losing hearts while you're down there makes it feel incredibly threatening, but there's simply not enough variety to feel like it's justified to take up that much space. unlike the overworld, the depths /do/ end up feeling empty after a while of exploring.

... I suppose as a bit of a TL;DR, my main complaints boil down to, "this is great, but it could be even better", or, "I miss some of the stuff that was in botw".

There's more thoughts I could probably share, like how I love all of the very blatant ghibli inspiration in this game (even moreso than in botw!), but I've already rambled quite a lot. thank you for the ask anon!! <3

#asks #Anonymous #long post

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