#Also I forgot to mention that but ignore the fact that in the books they two are a (toxic) couple (Ew!).

[aliciavance4228]

Cronus and Hera:

[etfrin]

❝ꜱᴏᴜʟꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴄʀᴜꜱʜ❞ — chapter four | coriolanus snow

「ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ:」 NSFW | Coryo being Coryo, elitism, panic attack (nothing too graphic), mentions of death, mentions of blood (just a tiny bit), male masterbation near the end of the chapter | lmk if i forgot anything

「ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ:」 young! Coriolanus Snow x fem! Reader

「ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ:」 they meet up in the library, Coryo has a panic attack, and low-key has issues 💀 but hey, he fucks his fist in the end of the chapter also let's his paranoia win lmao

「ᴀ/ɴ:」 reposting this!! Hope y'all like it!

beta read by @nowitsmissing

series masterlist | navigation | previous chapter

You didn't disappoint.

He couldn't help the heavyweight leaving his chest, his shoulders relaxing and his face in a smile (which he quickly hides) as he sees you. You were sitting on a chair, a stack of books in front of you, parchments all over the table, cookies in a box and you were writing something with your pen.

Was it instinct? Was it the bond? He will never know but you look up and meet his gaze. Your eyes narrowed at him, for being late he reasoned but he noticed that you relaxed as well, your body nearly sagging into the chair.

“You're late,” you greet him as he sits across from you. He shrugged, his eyes looking at the cookie and he ignored the clench of his stomach. He had cabbage soup again for dinner, the tasteless veggie didn't do anything to satisfy his hunger. It served as a reminder instead of why he needed to win the Plinth Prize.

He replied, “Death does that.” He tried to keep his voice sad yet composed. How sad could one be when you lose a family who is poison with perfect teeth.

“Should have stayed at home to mourn then.”

“I plan to do that at the funeral.”

Your eyes meet his briefly when you hear his answer, he notices that your eyes are red. Like it would be when you're crying. He couldn't wrap his mind around why you would be crying. Arachne was never a friend to you, a district girl, if anything you were the one who received most of her scorn. And yet you were with tears in your eyes, instead of him, a Capitol boy, someone with the same blood as hers.

What does that say about him?

“I plan to do the same too… She's family after all.”

Not yours. He wanted to reply but didn't. He gave you a nod and went back to his work. Ignoring the way your hand subtly (not so much) wiped the tear away from your cheek, and the growl of his stomach when he smelled the chocolate chip cookies sitting right in front of him.

Hours bleed and both of you were still working with minimal talking. He wanted to ask what you were so diligently reading and jolting down. His mind is plaguing him with the fact that you have better ideas than him. You seemed well prepared enough with all of the books that were left open around you.

You make a soft humming noise, “Your father was a co-founder of the Hunger Games.” You chuckled, though Coriolanus didn't know what was funny. “And here you're writing a proposal on how to improve the Games. Like father, like son.”

You give him a small smile. And then it turns into a frown when you notice that the cookies remain untouched. “I made these for us, ya know. I promise that they don't have cyanide in them. You can try but no promises if it's good or not. As the cook I am biased but I would love your opinion.”

His lips quirked up at your joke. You always had an uncanny sense of humor and you were never hesitant to showcase. He was glad to finally have permission to taste those mouth-watering cookies. “Thank you,” he manages to reply cordially as he takes a cookie for himself to munch on.

Your eyes were innocently wide as you watched him eat the cookie. You had stopped your writing, the quill resting on the side of your proposal. He realized that you were waiting for his comment, waiting for his approval. And he squirmed in his seat as he realized that you were hanging onto his words for something as simple as a cookie.

“It’s delicious,” he said, his tongue licking his lips to get the remaining cookie crumbs. He smiled a smile that wasn't calculated like every one of his interactions with his peers were. He smiled a smile reserved for a soulmate he couldn't have.

He sees your grin when you hear his opinion. Your face brightens up and you give your attention back to your work with vigor. It made Coriolanus realize your confidence was a facade, just like his perfection was. There was a certain joy in knowing that for Coryo.

And the bonus point is the fact that you asked for his opinion on nearly everything since childhood, even after getting closer with Sejanus, it's his approval you sought.

It was such a heady feeling that always fed to his ego and calmed his mind down from jealousy. Even if your proposal was better than his, in the end, it didn't matter if he simply lied to your face about it.

Soon, he was over with his proposal. The cookies were now finished and his body filled with the rare satisfaction of not having an empty stomach. He looks at you and sees that you are revising your written proposal now.

He bites his tongue to distract his mind from the fact of how pretty you looked like this. Your lips parted, your eyes focused (will it be focused on him like that if he ever kissed you, or will your eyes glaze over with pleasure?). He hated how he felt at that moment, like a teenage boy with a crush.

He decided to distract himself with something better. Your proposal. “I check yours. You check mine?” He suggested, quirking his eyebrow for an extra measure to convince you.

You frown for a moment and he has to fist his hand to make sure he doesn't come forward and smooth the wrinkles away. “Sure,” you reluctantly agree, a hint of hesitation clear in your eyes.

“What?” He smirks, leaning forward a bit (close, close, but too far). “Afraid I will steal your ideas?” He asked his tone just a tiny bit condescending.

You looked down. Backing away from his challenging gaze, taking the fun out of it. “More like you'll laugh at my face,” you muttered.

Now it was his time to frown.

“That was one time.”

“One time too many,” you replied.

And then you add, “Give me yours first, and then if I like it I will give you mine.”

He grits his teeth, already knowing that your district stubbornness won't have you backing away. “Fine,” he said and he held the assignment in front of you. Yours for the taking.

Your fingers brush his as you take over the papers. The touch sends an electric jolt down his spine as he retrieves his hand back quickly. His breaths are shallow and cheeks burning, eyes diverted away from yours as the soulmate bond flares up.

It happens rarely, often in the comfort of his home that he feels his need for you. Like an addict. His need to be close to you, his need to hold, kiss, and love you.

It's a phenomenon restricted to those who try to reject their partners despite knowing who they are. And what better example was for that than Coriolanus Snow.

He could feel the blood rush. A high that was crashing, and he was the urge to just fuck it. Fuck you, claim you against the shelves, kiss you. Something, anything that would calm his baser instincts. But it didn't work like that.

He wasn't a District animal, he was a Capitol boy and he won't be losing control in this manner.

But he was so close to it and the worst part of it all? You weren't even doing anything except reading his paper, your shoulders relaxed as you leaned back in your chair. Your tongue peeking out to lick your dry lips, as you flick over the next page.

One of your hands on the table and your fingers tapping an unknown tune on the wood of the table. It was overwhelming. He felt his senses going haywire and he needed to be away, alone from you.

He stood up, ignoring the sound of a chair scratching the expensive floor. “I'll be back,” he said, his mind anxious but his face had no expression whatsoever. You didn't even look at him, just nodded, and that somehow frustrated him.

‘Look at me,’ he wanted to yell, ‘Look at the state I am in because of you.’

But he didn't, so he rushed to the bathroom. Closing the stall with the lock, and pulling down the lid so he could sit on it. He takes in deep breath, pulling his sleeves up as he begins to feel his legs shake, tapping the tiles with a tic, tic noise. He begins to pay attention to the noise more than his chaos of the mind, letting everything simply fade away as his breathing gets to normal. It takes a while, his shirt now sweaty clinging to his skin, and his curls now messed with his hands constantly running through it. But he was feeling better now, despite his throat being parched.

After washing his face several times in the sink, he gets himself outside of the bathroom. He frowns when he notices the time. He was there for nearly twenty minutes. Embarrassing, how was he going to explain that? Fuck.

Turns out he didn't have to because you were gone. He feels bewildered as he reads the note you left on the table.

‘Had to go! Will submit your proposal along with mine by tonight!’

He grits his jaw, he hadn't permitted you to do such a thing. Even though a part of him did feel grateful that he wouldn't have to walk the extra mile to submit his work. He still felt angry though, and it wasn't admittingly your fault.

But you were the cause of it. And with the current circumstances, it's not like he could punish you for it. He wanted to, there's no denying that.

When he reaches home, his anger boils, waiting to be spilled around those around him. Grandma'am was asleep, he ignored Tigris when she had sweetly asked if you were present. He locked his bedroom door, it was a miracle he hadn't slammed it shut.

He was mad. He was frustrated, so much so that he couldn't explain. He lets out a growl, his hands in a fist, as if he wasn't sure that the wall would break had he punched it. He would have.

You weren't a drug (you were). He wasn't an addict (he was).

So why did he crave you so much? Why just a few moments alone with you has him in ruin?

‘District, district,’ he repeats in his mind, ‘You’ll never be Capitol. No matter how many proposals you write to damn your people. No matter how much money you have, or how many years you have lived in the Capitol.’

Even when he was lying on his bed, his breath was labored, his skin too hot. He couldn't stop replying to the time he had spent with you today. It was impossible not to.

You were so you.

Perfect. Flawed. Beautiful. Horrible. Everything and nothing. You made him feel like he had fire in his heart but he was a Snow. It was so jarring.

He was simply a teenage boy, and you made everything so complicated just by existing. You made him hot, burning, and fuck, he hated how he felt right now. That the anger melted away but the fire didn't. That the blood rushed from his head to his cock. He couldn't help it.

It's your fault that you made him succumb to this state. It's in you that he had one of his hands under his blanket, his eyes shut, his teeth digging into the flesh of his lower lip. He muffled a whine, as he gripped his hard cock.

The pain he felt as he bit his lips couldn't compare to the relief that came as he slowly began to stroke his cock. He strokes it slowly, savoring the sin he was indulging himself in. When he felt blood in his mouth from how hard he had bit himself, he used his free hand to muffle his soft groans instead.

He felt so boyish as he continues to fuck into his fist now, his hips rolling upwards as he continues. His pre-cum coating his length and acting as the lube. His thumb rubs against his sensitive, leaking cockhead. It makes him groan so loud that for a moment he feels like Tigris has heard.

He stops for a moment, his breathing heavy as he waits to hear footsteps. He doesn't hear one and sighs in relief. He begins to stroke his dick again, this time the pace quick and rough. His other hand wandered down his body to cup his balls, his face buried into his flimsy pillow, his teeth biting onto it. His saliva dampens the pillow, creating a wet stain that he would later feel embarrassed about.

He whines into the pillow, wanting to cum. He was so close, he just needed… needed…

You.

“Fuck! Fuck!” He groans and then moans your name as the mere thought of you has him cumming. His eyes roll back and he gasps, his blanket ruined. His cheeks burn as he realizes the cycle he's in but he couldn't care less when his bones are jelly and his mind is filled with euphoria.

When he did come back to his senses, he didn't let his shame overwhelm him. Instead, he changed his sheets, the stained ones in the laundry basket (it was his turn to wash tomorrow). He sat in front of his desk, ignoring how early light seemed to be sweeping into the room from the window. He takes out some parchment, quill, and ink.

He begins to write.

Just in case, you steal his work.

No point in trusting someone from the district, right?

NEXT PART

[mister-mickey]

Word of god

(This is going to be a VERY long post so buckle up)

Word of god is a phrase used in fandom that refers to something that the author of the source material has said, but was never confirmed in the source material. Because it was never confirmed in the original material, it isn’t considered canon. However, word of god is basically the next step down from canon.

This means that while you can choose to ignore it, you can also choose to accept it.

In the outsiders fandom, there are certain “word of god” type things floating around. Think soda going to Vietnam (and then that being retconned) or Johnny’s legal name being John. Even Dallas being scared of spiders, of crying after he read little women, of Steve enjoying wearing women’s underwear (?).

These are all examples of word of god. They were not mentioned in the outsiders book, but they are all things S.E Hinton has said on her twitter and in other places.

I’m only sharing the definition because what a lot of people never seem to talk about (possibly because they don’t know or because they don’t know how to access it) is S.E Hinton’s fanfiction. I think a lot of people would enjoy learning about some of the other things S.E Hinton has said about the characters. (Keep in mind, on her ffn account, she claims to not be S.E Hinton, but using the details she’s shared about her fanfiction in interviews, it’s pretty obvious that this is her account)

Just keep in mind, none of this is canon unless you personally want it to be. Don’t harass other people for accepting or not accepting any of this as canon. Fandom is supposed to be fun, and that includes letting other people make their own personal spaces and headcanons.

I’m going to share all of her outsiders fics here (as in, I’m going to link them so others can read them too) and then I’m going to share every detail that I noticed. If you read them and notice things I missed or didn’t talk about, PLEASE REBLOG WITH THOSE THINGS!

First fic- The Haircut, published in 2008. This takes place after their parents die but there is no mention of Johnny or Dallas, so it could be before or after their deaths

- Pony cuts his brothers’ hair (or at least Soda’s) probably because they can’t afford a professional haircut

- Either pony is really bad at it (possible, as seen in the book with Johnny) or Soda is incredibly dramatic

- Darry checks pony’s homework

- Pony is not great at math but does well in English, however he still misspells things (which makes the fact that he judges sodas spelling or grammar in the letter soda sent in the outsiders very funny)

- Soda is likely very forgetful (he forgot that he left the iron on and burnt a hole on his work uniform)

- This is something we could have figured out anyway because of the time period, but it’s implied that their mother would have been the one cutting their hair and ironing their clothes.

Second fic- The first Christmas After, published in 2008 (shortly before Christmas too, on December 14) this takes place after their parent’s death and after Johnny and Dally’s death.

- The Curtis brothers are willing to forgo tradition in order to save money (Darry says they agreed on no Christmas tree and mentioned avoiding getting a turkey for thanksgiving, even though they ended up getting one anyway because Darry’s job gave it to them)

- Soda apparently is not actually a decent cook. People like to headcanon that his cooking tastes okay and just looks funny or tastes a bit too sweet, but apparently soda seriously fucked up the turkey.

- Twobit is willing to eat gross stuff (he ate the turkey and darry jokes twobit would willingly eat cat shit)

- The Christmas tree is also free, like the turkey. Soda got it at work. I guess the Curtis brothers are pretty lucky, or they have jobs that kind of care about them (wild idea)

- I think this was mentioned in the book, but Darry is very casual about drinking. He grabs a beer after work.

- The real reason Darry didn’t want a tree is because he knows it’ll be upsetting to do christmassy stuff without their parents.

- Darry will shove his feelings down to try and make the holidays enjoyable for his brothers

- Steve has a mother who is active in his life. This is crazy to me because everyone just kind of assumed he didn’t have a mother. I will continue to deny her existence though lol

- Steve’s mother cares enough about the Curtis boys to send Steve over with some fudge.

- The Curtis brothers have their own ornaments. Soda’s is a car colored like a candy cane, Darry’s is a reindeer holding a football, and pony’s is an elf reading a book. The ornaments were from their father.

- There’s a joke that I think I’m not catching? I think it’s twobit saying that he called a girl a ho, but it might be innocent? I’m not the best with tone. He’s making a Santa Claus joke

- Twobit likes eggnog (gross) and shares it with soda. The eggnog has whiskey in it, which is what gets Steve interested in drinking it.

- The Curtis brothers had a dog named bowser, who also had an ornament. Bowser was a present for Darry’s fourth birthday. Darry assumed he was the only one that remembered bowser, but soda claims to remember him too. I guess this means bowser died when soda was very little. Possibly before pony or when pony was a baby.

- A lot of the Christmas ornaments are crafts that the Curtis boys made at school. (Aww) Darry and soda grew up faster than Ponyboy did, apparently pony was willing to do kid stuff longer than they were (they stopped wanting to make crafts by middle school but pony did them even after) Darry thinks it’s because their mom wanted to keep her baby a baby.

- The boy’s personalities show in the ornaments they made, Darry’s are well structured and planned, but with zero imagination. Sodas are sloppy and not great, but hold character. Pony’s are said to be eye catching and imaginative.

- Pony is supposed to call Darry from a pay phone if he realizes he’s going to be late for curfew. Pretty solid rule, I think

- Mr. Curtis wasn’t actually better at understanding people than Darry is. The main difference seems to be Mr. Curtis’s patience in dealing with people he doesn’t understand. Darry compares himself to his dad

- Their mother and father also have ornaments! Their mother is an Angel playing the piano (considering the other ornaments, we can assume their mother knew how to play piano) and their dad’s is a Santa going fishing (I guess he liked to fish)

- This is basically canon anyway, but pony was too skinny and frail after Johnny and dally died

- Soda is lactose intolerant. This does not stop him from consuming lactose. He is kind and sleeps on the couch when he does so that pony doesn’t have to listen to him farting all night (disgusting)

- Darry understands soda even if soda doesn’t say anything. So I guess Darry not understanding pony isn’t because pony is quiet and doesn’t tell him anything

- They have ornaments for Johnny and dally. Johnny’s is a little dark haired Angel singing a hymn, and Dally’s is a little devil with wings and a halo with an evil smirk.

- Johnny doesn’t like cutesy things. He is a greaser, he’s still tough. They all decide that Johnny and Dallas would like if they saw their ornaments.

- Joking about Johnny and dally makes the gang a little happier. Even after death, they bully Dallas a bit because they miss him (the hang him at the top of the tree 😭💔 and they giggle about looking up his ornaments skirt)

- Dallas would allegedly have set fire to the tree if he was there and saw them doing that

- Steve has a bunch of cousins in Muskogee Oklahoma, as well as an Uncle Bob

- Twobit’s sister is named Bren. Twobit is close with his grandmother and is visiting her for Christmas. He is going to give her whiskey for her present because his mom doesn’t let her have it.

- Soda likes to attack his brothers with tickles

The third fic- The Drive North, published in 2007. This is the longest fic, and it’s an au. I have several disclaimers I think I should make before I talk about it.

Disclaimer one- this is a Wild West au, it takes place in the late 1860s. Because it’s an au, there are some things that don’t really translate to canon. I will be sharing things that are canon to this fic, and maybe expanding how I think they’d fit into canon, but just remember, they do not fit perfectly

Disclaimer two- some of the things changed directly contradict canon. Several of the characters go by different names, some of them even have the wrong ages (I originally assumed everyone was the same age as in canon, but then mason and Tex from Tex showed up and they were ten years older than everyone else which doesn’t make sense because Tex takes place in the 70s and they should be younger than the gang), and some of the characters have pretty different back stories (the Shepard siblings are orphans in this and they’re being raised by their grandfather. This contradicts canon because in That was then, this is now, they are said to have their mother and a stepfather)

Name changes

- Steve is called pistol

- Angela is called Angelique

- Twobit is called Two bits, and his real make was changed from Keith to Eugene.

- Dallas is called White snake, which leads me to my next, and the most important, disclaimer

Disclaimer three- there is a lot of racism in this fic. Mostly weird Native American representation. This mostly comes from Dallas and Tim, but basically dallas is a white child that was kidnapped by native Americans and was then raised by them. Tim’s parents were killed by native Americans (which is of course a thing that happened back then, but I don’t think it’s written very well) These are common racist tropes, and I think it would do people good to be aware of that if they choose to read this fic.

There is also a few brief references to slavery and the civil war, and off the top of my head, I don’t think any of the characters were particularly against slavery. So if you want to read this, be aware of that so you don’t get caught off guard. There’s also a few slurs/incredibly outdated terms

I think thats the end of the disclaimers, if anyone else thinks of something I should add, tell me. I think this fic is an interesting look into the characters, but I don’t want people going in blind and unaware of the negative aspects of this fic

- The Shepard’s grandpa is named Philippe Shepard (Shepard is spelled different several times through the story, so is Philippe) he is fairly well off, I don’t think he’s rich, but he is successful. He has a Spanish gelding which is a fancy horse. Darry is jealous of him. Philippe is a former Texas ranger and he is very strict and good at bossing people around

- The Curtis brothers are doing a cattle drive under Philippe’s supervision. He’s their boss basically

- Soda’s real name is actually Patrick in this, and “Soda” is short for Sodacrackers because he likes hardtack.

- Everyone loves soda. Just looking at him makes people feel good

- Pony was a solemn baby that liked to study his surroundings. He was only silly when he was around horses, which is where he got the nickname Ponyboy. (His real name is Michael)

- Pony and soda are uncannily good with horses, which is why Philippe Shepard hired the Curtis brothers. Darry seems to really admire Philippe actually, he doesn’t shut up about that old man

- Curly Shepard is described as a hot-head, who doesn’t seem particularly skilled because he’s riding drag. This is the worst position to take because the dust gets kicked up at you. Curly was very upset about getting that position

- The Curtis parents died at different times in this. Their mother seems to have died of some sort of sickness because her death is described as “lingering”. Their dad went off to war (the civil war, on the confederate side. This does not make me fond of Mr. Curtis) when Darry was fifteen.

- Philippe Shepard does not support slavery. He also seems to have an anti-war stance. At least for himself. He says he won’t get his head blown off so people can own slaves. Philippe Shepard fought against the Mexicans and the Comanche at some point, and has enough experience with war to know he doesn’t like it

- Ponyboy has a paint pony

- Pony cried after he said good bye to the lake (the Curtis brothers are leaving their house for good) because he spent a lot of time at the lake. Darry seems embarrassed of him for that

- Pony wears soda’s hand me downs, but they still don’t fit him because he’s scrawny.

- Pony is tough physically, but incredibly emotional

- Soda has a chestnut mustang horse

- The Curtis brothers will be relatively well off after the drive. Darry plans on sending Pony to a school so he can put his book smarts to use and live in a society where that stuff matters

- The first chapter is repeated twice lmfaooo

- Two bit does not like Philippe. Philippe also uses flattery to get his way lol

- Twobit is the cook, which I guess means in canon he could be a decent cook too. He learned how to cook from his mom

- Mr Shepard is in love with Twobits mom 😭

- Mr Shepard also uses his money to get his way

- Twobit’s sister is named Lizzy in this one. Either he has a shit ton of sisters, or his one sister does not have a decided name

- Mr Shepard does not approve of ms Mathews babying Twobit. His eye twitches when she says he’s “just a boy”

- The Curtis brothers are said to have sold their eggs to make money

- Johnnys name is John, and he’s named after his father. So he’s John jr. He’s also called “little John Cade” 😭😭❤️❤️ and he’s going to be twobit’s assistant

- Dallas is their scout/interpreter. Original when I read this, I thought Dallas was actually Native American and I thought that was interesting. But no, he’s just a White guy that was raised that way. I think native Dallas would be very cool to see though, becuase I hate the trope of white people being raised by native Americans instead of people just writing native Americans

- Twobit is lazy. He doesn’t like getting up early or walking

- Mr Shepard does NOT think twobit is funny. I think he might actually hate him

- Mr Shepard spanks his grandkids and he makes sure to tell everyone. He also seems fully willing to spank other peoples kids too (he threatens twobit) He is very strict with his grandkids. He says he uses a quirt, I looked that up and it looks scary

- Mr Shepard is genuinely mean asf, and he seriously doesn’t like twobit oh my god

- Mr Shepard is seriously down bad for ms Mathews. He hates twobits dad 😭 he even calls the dude worthless

- Twobit’s dad was a sweet talking drummer who only stayed around long enough to give her kids

- Philippe has dark eyes and white hair

- Philippe was present when twobit got the nickname twobit. I think twobit isn’t particularly proud of his nickname.

- People don’t seem to like Dallas. I’m not talking other people, even the gang seems kind of uncomfortable around him. Also the gang isn’t a gang. I don’t think they’re necessarily even friends here.

- Curly is confirmed to be just a nickname. His real name is not shared

- Twobit got his nickname when he was ten. Instead of it meaning that he has a big mouth and will give his “two bits” to any conversation, it means that he’s so useless that you wouldn’t give “even two bits for him”. The twobit lovers can feast on any angst that provides. It explains why he doesn’t like his nickname in this

- Twobit’s little sister worships him and his mother adores him

- Another reference to Mr Shepard having a big old crush on Twobit’s mom 😭 this point is really being driven home, and it takes twobit a while to realize. He is horrified when he dies and almost drops a barrel on Johnny 😭

- Jesus Christ Philippe won’t stop threatening people. He says “every pound lost is money out of my pocket, and I catch anyone taking money out of my pocket there's going to be an inch off his hide.” Which curly confirmed is true and not just a phrase.

- Pony doesn’t give a fuck about cows. He calls them meat on hooves 😭

- Pony, pre fic, never liked going into town and didn’t like people. I don’t think he’s friends with Johnny (yet)

- Darry likes talking to people and sharing his opinions. He’s respected in their town

- Pony doesn’t think he’ll ever grow as big as Darry or soda. I find this interesting because I always just assumed he was small because he was younger.

- Pony prefers animals to people

- Pony likes to watch people instead of talk to them. This is already kind of canon, but it’s funny to hear him talk about it

- Darry has to ride big horses because he’s a big boy. It’s also implied that he’s still growing?! Apparently he’s still filling out into his frame. How fucking big is he going to get jfc

- Soda likes pretty horses, but he’s smart enough to pick horses based off of their speed

- Steve and curly both like hot (I’m assuming wild) horses. The difference is Steve can handle it, curly can’t. Curly got thrown off his horse 😭

- Tim and his grandpa both ride the fancy Spanish horses. They’re very pretty but pony feels tired just looking at them because of how jittery they are. But they never get tired

- Tim and his grandpa are long boned? I think this means tall? Or maybe they have long limbs lol. They’re also said to be heavy muscled. I don’t know if that contradicts Tim’s description in the outsiders, where he’s described as lean. I don’t know if heavy muscled means bulky, but it feels like it would? Tim can be lean and still muscular but the way it’s written makes him sound pretty different from the book

- Curly is convinced that he’s going to have one of the fancy horses one day, but Tim and Mr Shepard think he’s stupid for thinking that. So I guess he probably won’t. In their family, you have to earn a fancy horse, and curly hasn’t earned one yet

- Dallas rides a white horse that he stole.

- Buck Merrill is the sheriff? I find that very interesting because he was just a party guy in the outsiders

- Dallas is wearing a breechcloth, but sometimes wears pants. He also wears eagle feathers and face paint. I don’t know if that means anything. He is said to be Comanche (or at least associated with them)

- Dallas cut off Johnnys dad’s ear and wears it on his belt as a trophy. He did this because Johnnys dad was beating Johnny, so I guess they’re still close in this fic

- Everyone can sense Tim and Dally’s tension (it’s not sexual, it’s worse) and they are placing bets on who will fight who first

- Steve claims Dallas grabbed a creature off the ground and ate its head off

- Dallas has a sweet tooth

- Dallas only really talks to Johnny

- Johnnys dad is a blacksmith, and he’s huge.

- Twobit is a gossip, he makes sure he knows ALL the goings on. Every day he takes a one hour walk across the town to see everything

- Johnnys dad is suspected to have hearing loss and a bad temper

- Johnny got his scar from his dad back handing him with a hoof file (this is the event that caused Dallas to cut Mr cades ear off)

- Ever since then, Johnny has had less bruises

- The younger people on the job get to have more sleep 🥺 tim and darry work early in the morning and late at night because of that

- Angela snuck along 😭 she wants to be treated like Tim and curly so she has been following them for the past few days. Mr Shepard is PISSED

- Mr Shepard’s scoldings have caused tears among many people, including Angela

- Mr Shepard CARRIES THE QUIRT AROUND to to threaten people

- Angela is just as good at riding and shooting as curly but not as good as Tim.

- Angela was meant to stay home and have sewing lessons while her family did the cattle drive

- Angela either dislikes doing girly things like sewing, or she just prefers doing horse stuff. I can’t tell if she’s meant to be a tomboy, which I feel doesn’t necessarily fit with her character in twttin, or if she just thinks sewing lessons are boring.

- Dallas knew Angela was sneaking around, which means he is sneakier than Angela Shepard.

- Mr Shepard would 100% beat Dally’s ass which is notable because so far he’s respected Dallas a lot as an adult. He’s very upset that Dallas knew Angela was there and didn’t say anything

- Tim and curly are said to play pranks on angela which is why she’s so sneaky and suspicious

- Dallas cut off a piece of Angela’s hair. This is strange to me because he didn’t have a reason to do that? In the fic he uses it to prove that he was watching her, but how was he supposed to know he needed to prove that? Why did he cut a lock of her hair? Freak

- Dallas calls Angela a scrawny prairie chicken? So I guess she’s small and skinny.

- Tim ends up being the one to start a fight between him and Dallas

- I think Dallas enjoys making Tim angry enough to start the fights. It makes sense to me tbh, it’s very funny and I think it fits with canon. Dallas slashed Tim’s tires in the book, and I guess he did that to get his attention

- Tim is racist, and this plays a part in his hatred for Dallas. It’s apparently because his parents were killed by native Americans, but Mr Shepard says that he needs to stfu because Dallas had nothing to do with that.

- Dally’s real family had a terrible fate and I think they were killed in either the same raid that killed Tim’s parents, or another one close to that one.

- The Shepards mom’s name is Antoinette and she had a fate worse than death. I say this because Mr Shepard says he wished he was there to put a bullet in her head to spare her from what happened to her. He doesn’t say what happened, but I guess it was pretty awful.

- Tim likes to punch and grapple, Dallas likes to dodge and kick

- They aren’t friends of any sort like in the book, there’s no “cut from the same cloth” here

- Curly, soda, and Steve would have been cheering and whooping if they’d been present, but they’re elsewhere at this time

- Pony and his brothers fight sometimes, but they usually give up pretty quick because Darry gets embarrassed fighting with teenagers, soda starts laughing, and pony will start crying out of frustration

- TIM PULLED A GUN ON DALLAS

- Curly almost shot his toe off practicing his fast draw, which led Mr Shepard to ban it 😭

- Tim, his siblings, and Dallas were all very young when their parents died. No specific age is given, but Philippe says they were all very little

- Philippe is their paternal grandfather (obviously) but he saw their mother as his own daughter and apparently she was very egg beautiful. He seems more sad about her death than his own son’s death

- Tim has an impressive fast draw

- Mr Shepard defends Dallas against Tim and says that he needs to cool it with the anti-native American talk. He says he understands why they’re all mad white people are in their lands. This doesn’t stop him from taking the land though.

- Angela is now riding drag as punishment so curly gets promoted I guess.

- Twobit exaggerates stories and Tim clips them too short. Pony is the best storyteller

- Pony doesn’t know what a “sporting woman” (a prostitute) does until soda explains it

- Pony understands sex, he just doesn’t understand why anyone would ever have it for fun lmfao

- Steve got his ass beat by his dad for wasting his wages on prostitutes 😭 I guess his dad does get physical with him

- Pony says if Steve knew half as much as he thought he did, he’d be the most valuable person on earth 😭

- Pony thinks sex is gross and begs soda not to have sex (soda refuses and says he’s gonna do what he wants)

- Darry really enjoys not being in charge. He likes that Philippe is in charge because then he isn’t responsible for his brothers. He hates babysitting and pretends not to see pony nonverbally begging him to come with him into town so he isn’t alone

- Mr Shepard calls pony and Johnny the youngest, but I know that in the outsiders curly is fifteen, so he’s in between them. Either curly is a different age in this fic, or Mr Shepard doesn’t see him as an individual person (which now that I’m typing that out, I think that’s probably the case)

- Johnny doesn’t like lots of people. As in crowds

- Darry makes pony and soda take at least one bath a month. Stinky boys

- I think pony and Johnny have become friends now, they’re naturally drawn to each other

- Pony yelps runs away from a prostitute because she talked to him? I don’t think the situation called for that? He seemed genuinely terrified and Johnny just followed him

- Neither of them know what the clap is, Johnny thinks they were going to “get clapped” 😭

- Pony likes cats but can’t have one because the coyotes will eat it (very sad, one of my cats got eaten by a coyote ☹️)

- Pony cries when he’s scared

- Twobit won thirty dollars playing a game (he told the people he’d give them a chance to win it back the next day, while knowing that he wouldn’t be there the next day 😭) that’s about 700 dollars today

- Steve tries to look cool in front of soda omgg

- Steve also seems jealous of how naturally cool soda is. He’s upset with himself for being jittery around the prostitutes when soda is so calm and charming

- Steve has a mustache 😒 he grew it out to look older and he fiddles with it subconsciously

- Soda is insecure about “just being charming and handsome” because it isn’t something he had to work for

- Soda immediately started venting to the prostitute ?

- Soda immediately talked about marriage with this prostitute, he hasn’t even done anything with her and he’s already in love with her

- He gave her his entire wage… he gave her TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS and told her to wait for him oh my god

- He saw her flirting with other guys and immediately thought about KILLING HER what the fuck

- THE OTHER GUYS WERE TIM AND DARRY!!

- They were described as tall cowboys so I guess that’s means Tim and Darry are both tall

- Philippe is sick of these teenagers. They all spent their money on dumb shit and he’s judging them hardcore

- Tim and Darry have become best friends at some point, they keep giggling with each other

- Curly gave himself alcohol poisoning the second he had access to alcohol which is kind of funny to me. Either he’s a serious drunk or he’s so inexperienced with alcohol that he die at know what a limit is. I don’t drink at all so I don’t know which makes more sense. I’m leaning towards the second one because of the way he’s characterized in this fic

- Steve gets mad when soda is sad, not mad at soda, just mad in general

- Tim and Darry became bffs because they ROBBED A POKER GAME WITH GUNS! ARMED ROBBERY! They did this to save twobit from being fired after twobit spent money that wasn’t his, which is kind of sweet of them.

- Curly is sad because he was trying to get the guys to enter a brothel (part of the reason he was drinking so much) and got so drunk that he woke up in an alleyway with all his money gone 😭. He laid in rant alley for a day and a half before Tim came and found him 😢 (my stupid son)

- Soda is embarrassed about falling in love with the first woman he saw

- Steve is mad all the time, and soda doesn’t understand how he does it. Soda finds anger exhausting

- Tex and mason are very… ?? Again, they’re ten years older than the gang, instead of ten years younger. They’re both bearded and wild. They live in the middle of nowhere and say that god has abandoned them. Tex says he shot mason to make him shut up

- Nobody has been sick yet except curly, so they have plenty of medical stuff

- Johnny compares Dallas to a knight in this (instead of a gallant soldier in the book)

- Tex says he shot mason because mason gave him a bad cup of coffee. They’re very strange

- Curly broke his pinky finger oh my god (I have to be honest and say everything curly does makes me giggle because he does so much stupid stuff. My baby broke his pinky 😭😭😭❤️❤️)

- Steve cracked his tail bone when his horse escaped, and Darry got bad rope burn

- Philippe likes Sodapop. He does think soda is tiring though

- Tim values the adoration and hero worship from curly and Angela to be too mean to them. He pretends to be indifferent to them, which fools everyone except Philippe (awww)

- Tex and mason are crazy, they talk so much trash and they’re so mean to each other. It gives everyone else a shock

- Angela has a crush on Tex, who is supposed to be around 24 ish. Tex has no plans on doing anything with her thank god

- Angela wanted to be a tomboy because boys got more attention, but now that she desires boys attention, she acts more feminine. This is masons insight because Angela starts acting sweet and precious the second she starts liking tex

- Tex became friends with everyone within a few days of them joining

- Curly is good enough at roping to teach Tex how to do it. It’s nice seeing him be good at something

- Tex took herding lessons from Tim and Darry

- Darry and soda mess with pony enough for him to be suspicious when people tell him things

- Dallas keeps doing things to piss Tim off (he whacked him in the head with a stick and rode off on his horse before Tim could do anything)

- Tim “doesn’t find anything humorous in anything white snake (Dallas) does” and is very grumpy when Dallas does something to make people laugh

- The story ends on a cliffhanger but that’s it

Anyway, take what you want from these fics as canon and disregard anything you don’t want lol

[onyourhyuck]

LOWLIFE. | L.DH

— Prologue: “Dear diary, today Lee Haechan looked so fucking hot coming out of the boy’s changing rooms shirtless and I can’t believe how quickly I got turned on staring at his bare stomach.” — He pauses turning to you holding up the red book. “Oh y/n and you claim to be innocent, then what is all of this?”

— Summary: Where your childhood enemy found your diary one day where you wrote all your dirty thoughts about Lee fucking Haechan.

— Genre: Childhood enemies. Smut dni. Haechan is mean, cruel and horrible to y/n but she somehow likes it. Haechan treats y/n like she’s his pet. Hard Dom x submissive y/n. Edging and overstimulation. Mention of sex toys being used in public. It’s pretty filthy. Haechan doesn’t give Y/n a break. He sorta blackmails her, but everything is consensual. Minors dni. Manipulative Haechan. Y/n peeks and stalks Haechan secretly, she watches him change in the boys changing rooms.

— Notes:

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There is one secret no one knows about you except piece of paper all jumbled inside a journal. Two years worth of research and your dark secrets. You are known as the quiet girl at your school. You don’t have many friends and you prefer your own company than yourselves shared with others.

You’re a pretty girl, the innocent type that looks lost all the freaking time. You wear thick black glasses, your hair is mostly straight and down with your bangs out. You try to stay out of everyone’s eyes because of your shyness.

But one thing no one knows is that you have the biggest crush on your childhood enemy Lee fucking Donghyuck, infamously known as Haechan at your school.

You weren’t sure why you started developing these sudden feelings for the boy when he’s done nothing but completely ignore you unless he wants to bully the fuck out of you with his annoying group of friends.

You see you and Donghyuck used to be friends. Quite close friends actually up until you both started going to middle school you lost your friendship and Donghyuck turned on you suddenly. He became friends with another group of people. Leaving you all alone. But nonetheless you remain the same.

He started doing all things to you because he knew you were weak and defenceless he also knew you cared for him so it made this twice as more thrilling for the sadistic boy.

You’re leaving your classroom soon to leave the high school. You’re a senior who’s going through the terrible exam trauma season, just like every other senior student in your school has been doing for these past month and a half. You left packing your bag in an empty classroom because everyone was dismissed to go home, no student was left behind except of course you.

You’re taking your time packing your things. The class that you’re coming out of was history and that’s something you’re pretty good at. Honestly you’re probably the only student who’s taking that subject seriously. Your teacher always praised you for contributing when no one else was.

You walk towards the doorway about to leave till a long arm blocks the road to leaving the class, you could recognise the arm from mile away, in fact you could smell this distinctive smell from countries if you could. It was Lee Haechan running in with short sleeve white plain shirt and sweatpants he wore the sports attire looking like he was dripping an entire ocean from his hair and down the face.

You hate how much you were weak in comparison to the boy because knowing him he wasn’t feeling as stargazed as you are watching every bead sweating down his chin, to hear the sound of his ruffle pants, the veiny hands clenching the doorway because he wants to go inside to grab his remaining stuff and bag he’d forgot in your class due to the football practice.

“D-donghyuck…!”

You gulp as he saw your gaze lower down and he pushes through you staring you down like you were a piece of meat to him.

“Move out of my way specs.” He taunts going behind the classroom grabbing the black bag putting it on one side of the shoulders while grabbing the grey celine hoodie in the other arm. He turns towards the door again watching you standing there like a lost dumb sheep.

He always called you these devastating teasing names because of your glasses, even though he wears them, he found it to be fun seeing you grow shy or blush at these names. Somehow you never once told him to stop which made him think you probably enjoy the slightest attention you get from him.

He wasn’t wrong.

You did like it even though many people found it to be the term ‘bullying’. In your eyes it was called something that friends do, no, not even friends would do this. Instead it’s something you and Donghyuck do. Just you together.

“Why are you still standing there like you have something to say to me?” A smirk crawls right on his bronze stultifying face he was glowing with sweat making him look like a giant star right in front of you it was impossible not to stare. Donghyuck’s voice had a way of pulling your head into the gutter where everything was ten times more lewd and unnecessarily making you a huge mess.

You look away from the moment his two dangerous daggers were watching you up and down waiting for an answer you could’ve give. You couldn’t bring yourself to speak up enough.

“Oh. You’re not going to answer me now? Don’t you think when someone’s talking to you it’s polite to look at them when they are.” He tauntingly adds closing the space between you where his hands crawls up to your jawline latching it in the hold of his palms and then twisting your face round so you can stare at his face.

Your eyes met and he felt your breathing hitch and your mouth letting out a tiny yelp in the process of twisting you round to face him finally. Your throat goes dry and you swiftly shake your eyes when he was watching you with a face that could kill you. You’re praying that he can’t hear the way your lungs were hyperventilating.

You break midst trying to make sense. “Donghyuck i—“ He blankly looks at you. “Haechan.” He strut towards you once more.

You’re blinking now helplessly, in confusion.

“It’s Haechan. Not Donghyuck.” You can see that he was now visibly annoyed by how you’re freely calling him by his first name. Unlike everyone in the school and even the teachers, they know him by Haechan. They call him Haechan and nothing else.

But you’re not someone who was used to calling him by such a foreign name because he will always be little Donghyuck to you. The Lee Donghyuck who was your friend and will always be that person to you in your heart. You couldn’t help it you suppose you were too used to calling him by that.

“Sorry I slipped my tongue i guess.” You say apologetically.

He wanted to roll at you apologising because he knew no matter what he says you’ll always forget it and do the same again; calling him by his first name that he so hated. He hates the way you call him so sweetly too as if you care for him. If anything it was pathetic. You were pathetic.

“I’m going now.” You announce without Haechan’s care he silently stares, not giving much care to you. You bow your head leaving the classroom and he watches you leave until something dropped at the back of the classroom making the boy twitch around and walk to what could’ve fell.

He thought at first it was one of the paintings on the walls but when walking to the further back something slides on the wall when the left leg hit something skidding a square book on the floor.

It was a red journal with a leather type strapping case round it and he felt his eyebrows twitch when he picks it up standing in middle of the classroom where he was the only one left now.

‘Did Specs leave this behind?’ He thought dusting it off. Donghyuck looks behind him until he sighs trailing off. “She’s so hopeless, what an idiot.” He frowns as he opens the book.

“I bet she’s got class notes here.” He mockingly adds. “She’s got nothing better to do.”

He wasn’t expecting anything in that stupid journal of yours if anything he was expecting it to be the most boring thing ever written and he could’ve read. It should’ve been history. It should’ve been maths or maybe even freaking science he was reading. — but the minute the pages were flipping through like a crust off the bread he saw the life out of his eyes leave his body like he saw the most unbelievable things ever to be discovered.

It was a moment to remember for sure because even the soul inside him was deceiving him when he saw the written things you’ve done and thought about. It will never end now. Donghyuck will never let you live this down even in death he will remind you of this forever and ever, because this was a whole new side to you that you’ve been hiding.

And whatever you’re hiding now is with him.

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“Nonononono!”

You are rummaging around your bedroom trying to find where on earth your diary could be it’s not like it’s easy to forget it somewhere considering how bright red it is. It’s not entirely small either so you have no idea where it could be.

You’re stressing out because what if you lost that thing forever? You had the diary since the start of your second year in high school. You can’t lose it now, it’s too precious to lose.

Your mother is standing by the door arms crossed watching your distance expression go from small sadness to absolutely terrified thought of someone finding it. It’s not exactly the most pleasant thing to find when you have your deepest secrets written on there that no one could ever know.

“Where could it be?” You grab on your duvet lifting it up trying to search your bed now from head to toe. You’re going on all fours looking underneath the bed and then looking over it. Hell you were even looking inside your attic for it and you knew it could’ve be there but there was a slight chance your mother put it up there with the rest of the storage garbage.

You sat down sighing deeply failing at finding your precious item that’s got your heart running hundred miles a minute just by thinking all sorts of bad scenarios that you could be having right now.

“I swear it was just here in my bag, I am sure of it. I never leave it behind without me.” You state seriously, your mother knows how important it is for you now that she saw your eyes searching everywhere for it.

She looks around the room seeing the amount of mess laying on the ground, your clothes on the scattering bedroom floor, your wardrobes open door widely available for anyone to look inside, your bed was a mess and so was your school bag. You forced it open letting everything out when you saw your diary missing.

“Honey maybe you left it at your school locker have you thought of that?” Your mother told you.

It was certainly a possibility it could’ve been there, you will check tomorrow but you swore you grabbed it on your way home in the history class.

Your voice hurls at the end syllables like you were still unconvinced by the whole lot.

“Check tomorrow okay? Clean up for now. Your whole room is a pigsty mess. Afterwards come downstairs to have your dinner.”

She leaves your room and you lay on the bed suddenly before your legs curl up kicking in the air. You wanted to rip your hair out because now you’re here worried as hell about your flipping diary that could ruin you — quite frankly it could make your whole life miserable. If anyone read it that is. But no one would read something like that and expect it’s you, right?

You told yourself it’s okay. There’s many people with your name, therefor no one will expect it’s you. Afterall you’re a nobody at your school.

You turn around when you saw your phone screen pop up with a new notification. Turning to the phone grabbing it with your palm, you saw an unfamiliar username texting you.

‘No way…’

“Lee Donghyuck!” You murmur sitting up on your bed now intensely looking at the screen wondering why was he texting you this late? Actually why was he texting you at all. He doesn’t text you unless he calls to force you to give him your class notes so he could cheat in the tests.

You couldn’t believe it until you open it up fully replying back.

lee donghyuck : Specs come meet me right now.

You : What why?

lee donghyuck : Don’t ask and just do it.

You : I don’t want to donghyuck I’m very busy i don’t want to go anywhere.

lee donghyuck : that’s fine i’m outside your house.

You: WHAT

You couldn’t believe the text in front of you. Your mouth was wide open dropping dead at how fast he responded.

Lee fucking Donghyuck was outside your house, unannounced. It pulled you thinking you did something wrong because why else would the hottest guy at your school be there?

Running down you grabbed the spare black hoodie on yourself before opening the door letting a harsh cold breath of air hitting your face putting all your hair up and your gaze meets the boy standing in front of your door, he wore a white hoodie with a spare denim jeans. He looked super good out of the school uniform you had to admit.

You couldn’t stop drooling but you looked away questionably.

Donghyuck saw your expression falling apart but the moment you had your eyes laying on him like he was the most ethereal person ever he felt a giant egotistical boost to the already large ego he has.

Your mouth opens unable to find any motive nor the reasoning for his sudden actions. “What are you doing here Donghyuck— at 8pm.” You look at your phone lockscreen. The time was taken away and the boy gave a quick smirk to you.

“Y/n?— who is it.”

Your mother rushes to the front door the moment she saw Donghyuck her expression lit up. But yours fell into darkness out of hell because you knew damn well your mother was about to embarrass you through her way. She remembers Donghyuck, in fact she loved little Donghyuck. But she didn’t know you guys were still not friends anymore and she doesn’t know how much of a giant bully he is to you now.

Because of course you don’t want to burden your mother with how much you are confusing with Donghyuck. When he’s without his friends he’s probably half decent and with his friends he’s got no decency to his own persona. However he certainly wasn’t your friends either way.

But you guys still treat and speak to one another as if you guys were.

“Oh my gosh if it isn’t Lee Donghyuck! I haven’t seen you since you were… oh my lord this small to my ankles darling.”

Donghyuck gave this foreign smile to his beautiful face full off mysterious evil because you knew damn well he couldn’t smile for anyone this sweetly. You look at that smile you cannot recognise it felt like everything you knew of him now was gone. Your mother welcomes the boy inside your home. As much as it gave you massive anxiety to have your crush and enemy in your freaking house.

“Ah it’s okay Y/n’s mum i came over to see Y/n. If it’s okay that is. I have something important to discuss regarding our maths test we have tomorrow.”

It somehow made you wonder why he was here in the first place and what was he intending to do.

The room grew into a tiny square because you felt your lungs puff out by the mention of maths. Donghyuck’s scarce energy could kill you there was an eerie sense about this whole thing and you could feel it at the bottom of your stomach ready to cause a spillage over.

Your mother smiles. “Of course. Y/n take Donghyuck upstairs and show him what he needs so he can be on his way.”

You look at your mother giving a nod saying nothing. Your gaze returns to Donghyuck who was staring at you already, smirking widely like he won something.

But you couldn’t put your hands on it.

Donghyuck slowly enters your room seeing how much of a mess it is he can imagine what you’ve been looking for, it somehow would begin to fill his empty stomach with cruel satisfaction seeing you worry because he was five steps ahead of you before you know it the moment he hears you come in and close the door he grabbed your wrist turning around and throwing you on the bed making you lay there as you let out a soft scream that’s cut off by a lean dainty hand with long fingers and a vein stretching on it so mythically making this feel like a fever dream seeing how the boy who hates your guts the most was on top of you covering your mouth.

He smuggles his palm across your soft chapped mouth putting his finger on his lips to shush you down with a look belonging to a man with malicious intents.

A shiver was sent down your neck watching him. He loved seeing this expression of confusion on you, the way your eyebrows furrow together arching down to resemble a small animal scared to die.

“Shhh. Don’t scream okay, understand?” He said looking for somewhat a nod or something from you.

You look at him letting out a muffled okay and a nod with your head. He slowly retracts back his hand when he felt like he could let you go and then going inside the hoodie pockets he would take out,

Your freaking diary.

“How did you—!”

You couldn’t believe your eyes but you open your mouth to shout what and how does he have this but he puts a finger on your lips glaring down at you.

“You said you would be quiet.” He growls at you as if he knew you’d be like this and you move your eyes ready to grab the diary but he has stretched his arm up in the air making you fall over and tip toe to grab it.

“Give me that back. It’s mine.”

But no matter what you’ll always be unable to reach it no matter how much you jump or do the tip toe with your feet you’re never going to reach your diary when he’s got this long arms and legs. He was looking at you smirking widely.

“Donghyuck this isn’t funny give me my diary back!” You shout with your eyes watching the diary in his hand.

“Nahuh.” He said with a condescending laugh pulling away from you holding the diary down again in the both hands. You watch him with your eyes widen terrified by this.

You wished it could be anyone but him, anyone but him. Donghyuck was the spawn of devil in other words he’s going to ruin you now.

You felt small and exposed by this whole thing you couldn’t believe it this whole time your flipping diary was with the guy you were literally begging it not to be with it’s like earth was punishing you. It’s like this was your most lowest point of your life now, you’re doomed and you are in disbelief because how can this happen to you?

You whisper begging. “Please can i have it back?”

You tried to appear pathetic than you already look because embarrassment and shame wasn’t enough to describe how you’re feeling currently in this moment on. But it seems like the boy had no intention of letting you go easily, at least not like this. He hasn’t even had his fun yet with you.

Donghyuck ignores your plead starting to open the diary up. The fingers were flipping the pages to a section in the middle where a crowding smile was drawn on the boy’s cheeks like a Cheshire Cat.

You clench your hands seeing him open it. “Donghyuck don’t read it.” You say out loud in panic.

“Shhhh Y/n I’m trying to find a very specific page.” He retorts back until he found it looking back with a bright light on him. “Aha! Found it.”

He turns to you to get a good wild and live experience of seeing the life crush out of your eyes and leaving your home. You’re dreading it seeing that the boy knew exactly how to push your buttons now. He had control and you weren’t even aware of it until you were read like a story from Donghyuck reading upon the pages with his fingers and his eyes trailing from word to word on the diary page. “Dear diary, today Lee Haechan looked so fucking hot coming out of the boy’s changing rooms shirtless and I can’t believe how quickly I got turned on staring at his bare stomach.” — He pauses turning to you holding up the red book. “Oh y/n and you claim to be innocent, then what is all of this?”

You stand there still like you were a mime stuck in an imaginary see through dimension box. You wish you were actually because Donghyuck’s live vocals reading your own diary out loud to you knowing damn well it’s about him and how your true feelings were there about lingering. It was embarrassment beyond anything you’ve ever felt before and you don’t wish this on anyone, not this feeling not when your enemy.

“Now tell me this. How long have you been spying on me in the boy’s changing rooms?” He smirks waiting for some kind of vocal response from you but all he got from you was bright red cheeks and trembling eyes.

As much as he loved seeing you this ashamed he wanted actual words and not just a physical reaction. Perhaps you were shocked. Too shocked to even speak. Donghyuck fits his tongue across his cheek balling it up in annoyance. “No answer? Of course no answer you’re the one who writes all these dirty fantasies with me in this book.”

You look away stuttering. “I- I didn’t mean to look at you getting changed.”

He laughs. “Oh yeah? Your diary says otherwise darling.” He rolls the pages out. “Here it says you’d want me to fuck your mouth full of my load until you can’t talk anymore so how about that?”

You didn’t want him to re-read all your dirty thoughts about Haechan you have with him out loud it physically pains you and makes you cringe out loud even more than you’d think.

“I want him to make me scream his name so the whole world knows I’m his.”

‘I can’t… make it stop.’

“Lee Donghyuck can be mean to me and treat me like shit and I’d crawl back for more.” He laughs finding this one sort of funny. Who would’ve thought you’d crawl back to him for more.

You clench your nails into your palm.

“My favourite one is this one.” Donghyuck clears his throat straightening up the shoulders as he starts to tauntingly read. “I’m starting to think i may have feelings for my enemy Lee Donghyuck it’s shameful because it began with the moment he started to hate me.”

“Oh specs that’s freaking shameful. Are you a masochist perhaps?” He snorts watching you. He may be right at this moment. Donghyuck knew you could handle this shame considering you wrote a whole diary dedicated to him he must give you the prompt that you did well worshiping him behind the close doors.

It’s an effort to be this diligent as you.

“Can I have it back now… are you done insulting me yet?” You bit your bottom lip now simple angered and Donghyuck could notice the visible fire in your eyes nevertheless he couldn’t care and he took a step forward pushing you down on the bed making you sit down as he grabs a fistful of your hair tugging it.

You couldn’t help but wince but somehow you wanted him to pull more of your head. He made you look up at him as he puts the diary in the air again with his hand raising it up.

“I’m not done with you Y/n. Listen up if you don’t want the whole world to know about your fucking secret then you listen to me and do as i say got it?” Donghyuck spat leering his eyes at you and you harshly clench your eyes nodding as he lets go off your head.

“Good, tomorrow wear this and don’t take it off understood?”

Your gaze goes bleak and pale like you’ve possible seen a freaking paranormal ghost right now but the minute you touch the small pocket sized vibrator you look at Donghyuck with shaky teeth.

“W-What? Why am i going to wear this tomorrow. ” You let out pushing the Vibrator back but Donghyuck taunts you smirking.

“I don’t want to do that.” You state throughly.

“Wear it tomorrow or your mother will know about your diary. You wouldn’t want your mother knowing how much of a slut her daughter is right?”

He coos brushing some of your bangs behind the ears smiling down at you evilly and you shudder at his warm touch against your pale skin. You gulp looking down.

Looks like there’s only one way.

“Good it’s settled then.” He says after you gone quiet thinking about it seeing how you’re up for it now. You couldn’t help but think how cruel and mean he is you are starting to completely change your whole feelings about the boy. But some deep part of you only remembers the little him. It was a war in your body knowing damn well you aren’t able to fully hate him.

But you’re sure of one thing now.

Donghyuck is the biggest lowlife.

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The next day came but you’ve never been dreading more about the sun rising to pass on the next day. You hated that you came into school full jumpy and anxious knowing damn well your enemy is on the hunt to end you. To torture you on endless terms.

The first class you had was English but you couldn’t help but sit down blowing out gentle air waves from your lips as you get out your English’s book and workload papers from the last lesson.

The next minute someone else enters after you slamming down behind you taking a seat there. You weren’t sure who would sit there because no one sat there before. Everyone has an arranged seating arrangement that can’t be changed.

You turn around to see who it was only to be met with the familiar sight of the boy laid back slanting watching you keenly.

“Donghyuck…?” You let out as you turned to look around and the boy leans in whispering. Then a sudden burst of energy from underneath your school black skirt begins to run you down your spine with shivers. Donghyuck saw your face disappear from surprised to shocked knowing you, you were probably embarrassed to realise the situation you’re in. The vibration in your panties had you squirming on your seat suddenly and you couldn’t help but realise it was on a low setting right now.

Your eyes fell down to Donghyuck’s hands who were hidden in the pockets with the live remote controller for the vibrator inside your panties like he said, you wore it today only to get absolutely punished in middle of your English class that’s starting. You were now filled with absolute contempt to focus but no matter what during class you could only focus on your thighs rubbing together to grab more friction. At the same time you didn’t want to do that because the more friction you will lose yourself and you need to be quiet.

It didn’t help that Donghyuck was behind you Whispering remarks only to piss you off. He was pretending to be innocent but you knew well what they meant in actual reality.

“You’re awfully quiet there y/n.” Sang Donghyuck from behind you tapping his pen at your back.

You flinch at the sudden change of his actions he usually would never do anything in class. He often avoids you in your classes with him finding you a complete nuisance but now he’s doing all he can to push you off the edge cliff you’re standing on but you don’t want to give him the satisfaction. You instead bury your head low and clench your eyes tight when suddenly the finger on the remote controller has increased the speed seeing you resist the low pressure; Donghyuck wasn’t going to let you go easy. He wanted to see you fall apart in front of him and beg him to do something about it.

The speed of the vibrator brushing your clit ever so slowly made you whimper into your hands the classmates around you swore they heard you but they weren’t sure who it came from. Donghyuck saw the people chatting amongst themselves and the teacher was silently marking the papers at the desk. It was quiet and it was starting to hit the dangerous territory where even the slightest sounds can be heard. You never wanted to move away so fast because the vibrator mixing into your wet soaking panties through your black skirt will be having you sweating like you are at a giant room becoming cooked alive. From inside your pussy lips were brushing at the folds of the vibrator where it felt like a whole new sensation and you bite your tongue when a moan was coming out.

You never felt so exposed. You’re squirming at your seat and you’re at everyone’s eyes who could see you slip out if you make any mistake. Donghyuck smirking watching you as his body was slanting back on the chair behind you with an innocent face he sped the next vibrator speed to maximum. But your body began to flinch and trying to run away from your high you felt your hips rut on the chair and the redness coming to your forehead and cheeks making it visible like you’re sick. You put your hand up suddenly standing up.

“Miss I need the toilet.” You loudly announce with a pant and the teacher looks at you. “Okay be quick with it.”

Donghyuck was laughing under his breathe watching you run out of the classroom like your life depended on it. He didn’t change the speed he left it on the maximum so you could suffer with it. The boy chuckling from afar made Jaemin turn around seeing his friend laugh a little for once, with a true smile of something he was addicted on.

‘Strange.’ Jaemin thought.

As you ran out you were inside a toilet stall taking off your panties down to the ankles and taking a seat on the toilet you let out a grasping moan rubbing your folks and the chasing your whole high; you play with your clit clenching your eyes the more pleasuring overstimulation hit your pussy. Your swollen clit was red and abused it made everything so much more sensitive and difficult that you were so quick to your own high. You made sure to keep your thoughts on being quiet but the further you went the deeper you got and you remembered it was Donghyuck doing this to you and somehow you were more aroused than before. You couldn’t help but get your feelings involved and now you’re here moaning his name softly in the girl’s bathroom where anyone could walk in on you. Fingering your tight and wet sloppy hole with your two fingers until you came hard.

You came so hard you couldn’t remember if it was two orgasm or a singular orgasm that felt like it would take forever to get over it. The vibrator eventually stopped and you could feel it turn off. You let out a sigh as your red face was visible when coming out the stall with your panties back on and the skirt lowered down. You’d wash your hands in the sink and then you washed your face to cool it down you couldn’t help but notice how fucked out you look. You can’t go in class like this.

You look away leaving the girl’s toilets and as you did your arm was pulled by a boy you noticed to be Donghyuck standing out the girl’s bathrooms with a low angle levelling your eyes so you could see him.

“Now that was a long toilet break, Y/n. Wonder what took you so long Hm?”

Your eyes drop down. “Donghyuck— how long were you standing there for…” you felt your eyebrows raise up and Donghyuck smirks coming closer.

“From the moment you left the class, and i heard everything.” He whispers.

You never wanted to be buried alive so much until now knowing he heard you moan his name and as well as do so much more, it’s like he’s only going to get more information off of you and use it against you some more. You cannot escape Lee Donghyuck.

You gulp as you saw the boy point at the remote in his front school trousers pockets. The brunette locks on his face made him so much more attractive you couldn’t help but had the urge to caress it and wrap your fingertips in them but you pulled yourself together the moment his stern honeymoon voice broke your thoughts away.

“Next class you can’t walk out to use the bathroom excuse understand? You need to stay in that classroom.”

‘Oh god I’m fucking screwed.’

Donghyuck walks away going back into class leaving you all alone standing in middle of the corridor outside the girl’s bathroom. You never felt so exposed until Donghyuck has the effect on making you feel all sorts of emotions like a rollercoaster on steroids. Somehow, you knew this was going to be a challenge.

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The next class was mathematics which you were luckily okay with but currently with the situation of having a running vibrator pleasure you inside while focusing on numbers was not a good mixture at all. You never felt so tense and frustrated when doing maths unlike now and all thanks to Donghyuck making you feel high and then leaving you dry. Sometimes he let you feel high until you were wanting to scream in middle of your class but you covered your mouth often until he dropped it to a low speed again which you calm down.

Donghyuck knew what you wanted though. He knew what you fantasise about and it intrigued him because now he knows what you hate and what you love. It was like doing things absolute the worst things and you’d love them, because it’s him. You cannot make yourself feel the hatred and the pain to do that for something like this.

You tap your pen on the desk repeatedly as you felt your pussy clutch around the vibration and the shape of the vibrator making you want to lose yourself there and then. Your stomach was breathing in harshly enough to feel your ribcage and your throat was bleeding dry wanting to let so many noises escape. You couldn’t hear anything but your beating heart. Your fingers wrap round the pen clenching it as your thighs rub in circular motion together. The buzzing vibration made you fall into excitement of pleasure that you couldn’t compare to. The speed increased with each time the class went down off and you soon were holding the desk suddenly.

The teacher saw your sudden movements and eyes you suspiciously as you look down at the test paper clearing your throat.

‘Shitshit that was close.’ You mentally screamed, your thoughts were running back to how you’re literally being treated like a sex doll for Donghyuck’s sick pleasures but here you are having the same sick pleasures because this is turning you more and more.

The idea of getting caught was certainly a factor and he knew this he could see it on your body posture you loved being observed as you are getting off in class where a whole examination test is being done. You couldn’t focus on your paper though, because you were lost in your own mind with the way the vibrator was making you feel.

The next thing you knew you felt a wet gushing raindrops down your legs like they were your tears when in reality it was coming from your soaking panties lining down your body. Your thighs were covered with your pussy juice and you came without knowing for once you felt scared and you look back at Donghyuck with a terrified expression starting to beg him with your whimpers.

“Donghyuck please can i leave?” You whisper and he looks up from his math test paper smirking as he hears you finally beg.

This is what he wanted to hear from you, a pathetic beg because he’s the one in control and you’re the one who’s dealing with the consequences.

He was about to give you an answer until the teacher in front of you slams on your desk. “Y/n I expected better from you. Keep your eyes on your test paper until everyone is finished. Do not cheat off Donghyuck.”

You slowly turn around lowly avoiding eye contact but your face was red and feverish. You couldn’t help but feel light headed because the vibrator kept on digging into your sensitive core making you squirm more and more. The teacher walks back to the desk and Donghyuck’s laughter was heard behind you.

“Tut tut tut Y/n cheating.” He trails and you clench your fists together on your lap as you saw the water dripping down on the floor underneath your chair. You whimper once more.

Donghyuck saw you go silent whimpering and he raised his eyebrows as he saw your legs shaking on the floor and your hands were trembling now due to the overt stumbling pleasuring sensation surrounding your body putting it on your back and chest. Your face was swollen with your pleasure from your own pussy aching.

And then the class bell rang. You never got up so fast ready to run out to the toilet for the same reasoning however you were stopped by two arms engulfing you and dragging you into a pair of doors you couldn’t reach until the body pulling you with him dragged you into the boy’s changing rooms where it was empty leaving only you and a specifically someone called Lee Donghyuck. The lowlife you’ve been tortured by the entire door and for once you were glad to see his face as you go on your knees shaking as you let out sudden choking moans. The vibrator got faster with Donghyuck’s thumb putting it on the maximum speed amount you couldn’t put limit on.

“Fuck please— please please Donghyuck fuck me make it stop make this pain stop.” You held your breath putting your hands on the stomach that was aching for a release finally and the remote was turned off the vibrator no longer providing you with the pleasure because he got what he wanted.

You asking him to fuck you senselessly.

He’d grab your shoulders pushing you off the ground and into the changing room showers where he pinned you on the wall where you could both fit. Putting your mouth on his down kissing you roughly he grasps your hips rubbing them rougher than before and stressing down your clotheslines we’re stripped off your body so quickly you weren’t aware of it at all. You grasp between the heavy kisses, Donghyuck swore hearing you gasping for him was the sexiest thing he could ever hear anyone do. “God you’re so fucking lewd Y/n telling me to fuck you senseless in the school where anyone can walk in on us. You’d like that to happen won’t you?” He’d grab your face away as he pressed on the vibrator inside you pushing it out off your hole and instead you felt the hard tip of his body go in.

You never wanted to come back to reality ever again because this felt like a forsaken fantasy. You’re pushed on the tile wall bare naked with your enemy someone who’s been nothing but horrible to you now pushing his hard cock inside your sloppy wet hole that’s been waiting to be stretched by him for over four hours you couldn’t believe it; it felt like years ago when you were friends and now you’re being so mean together you couldn’t even imagine what you’re doing if you were sane in your head. The way your head snuck in and so did your stomach feeling him go up and imprinting his shape deep within you where you let out trembling stutters out. “Fuckfuckfuck hyuck—! You’re in my stomach.” You wanted to scream it out but Donghyuck made sure to take his fucking time with you.

“Hyuck huh? That’s a new one darling.” He couldn’t help but find it hard to dislike. Afterall you were fucked out when saying it. It made it ten times more better.

He wanted to make you know that this will become a daily thing where he will rock your shit and leave you alone right after. This wasn’t nothing sweet and mutual. You are living your fantasy and that’s it, you’re nothing but a ragged doll for him to use you and you were willingly.

“You’re a fucking slut Y/n. You want nothing but my cock to fill your hole and stuff you until you have no fucking purpose for me. Do you want that?” He growls against your face kissing down your cheeks with so much power over you, your skin shivers against those harsh breathing and his voice was so mean you could cry. In fact you wanted to knowing how he was completely right about you.

You murmur when Donghyuck squished you in a whole different position directing you towards a doggy stile where your hands put on the tile he rocked behind strutting the hits right into you going now deeper where the shape travels to your womb and you choke but clenching your eyes in the process. You never expected him to be so long and girthy, he was thick and all departments you were shaking and trembling in the middle of his body weight crushing you with how tough he was treating you. There was nothing single. Not a single moment where he spared you from his dangerous hold over you.

At the moment when he lost himself nearly he was so close to coming in you and you were here dripping in the shower with sweat and panting ramming inside your hole while your ass was perking up in the air for him to spank and grip. He squeezed your hips forward until your face was roughly rammed on the tile as you begin to wail out your moans. Your arms gave up on you and now your entire legs were tired from the excruciating exhaustion from being pleased for hours beforehand.

“That’s right cry for me you stupid whore. You’re crying because my dick feels so good aren’t you?” You wished you could disagree with him but you can’t. You sniff out croaking in broken sentences denting your voice. “It feels so good please please Hyuck I want you to come inside me.” His eyes darken going smaller hearing you and he pushed your head down on the tile smirking.

“Begging me to fill your little hole up yeah? Since you’re asking like a good whore you are, I will.” It absolutely irks your mind how he can sound so attractive but still be completely ruthless to you.

And he did exactly that leaving you down when he was done with you covering your walls full off his load and painting everything in you white. Donghyuck left you on the floor in the shower with his liquid coming out of your pussy down your thighs he smirks facing you as he was doing the zipper on the trousers and you dazed looking at him in the corner.

He whistles leaning down and crouching to your eye level seeing how you’re out of it still. You couldn’t focus on anything but him and the comforting silence of your beating heart.

“You still like a Lowlife like me?” He trails asking you with a deadly smile that knew you would say yes.

You should be hating him because god knows he’s terrible human being on the face of earth. He’s the biggest scum you could meet.

But you know you will always love a lowlife like Lee Donghyuck.

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@onyourhyuck please refer from translating copyrighting my work thank youu!! Please reblog this fic and follow me for more updates it helps a girl out.

[i-heart-mgg]

Puppy Love - Ch.1

Pairings: Spencer Reid x female reader

Summary: It’s your first day at the BAU and you meet the genius Dr. Spencer Reid who quickly becomes a blabbering, stuttering mess once you start to get to know him.

Warnings: light swearing, mentions of horror movies/books, general anxiety

Word count: 2182

Next chapter

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The hot sweat that radiated off your body contradicted the chilly morning condensation slowly dripping down the windows of the small but practical car you got for your eighteenth birthday. Nearing a whole six years ago.

You watched as the droplets raced against each other, a harsh battle for which one would reach the window sill first. In an attempt to distract yourself from the fact that you were parked outside the FBI Quantico headquarters, where you were about to start your first ever day as a real FBI agent.

You swung open the car door forcefully, heart pounding with an overwhelming sense of anxiety that comes with starting any new job. Let alone, one of the most highly sought-after and official in the country.

Standing outside in the soft breeze with the tranquil sound of lush trees whisking in the wind, you took a deep inhale. Soon exhaling as you briskly walked your way through the glass sliding doors, into the cold and desolate hallways. Choosing to ignore the emptiness, considering it was 7:30 am and you and your new unit chief, Aaron Hotcher, were presumably the only two people in the building.

Your fingernails dug into the sides of your upper thighs over the rough fabric of your plain black, possibly too-tight slacks. Accentuating in all the right places- just because you’re a huge nerd whose only hobby is reading the latest articles in just about anything, except for maybe how to become an alpha male with a PhD in hating women, does NOT mean you have poor taste in fashion.

Your hand hesitantly reached out towards Hotchs' office door to place three short knocks against it. "Come in." A deep, no-nonsense, kind of voice called out from inside the room. One last deep breath out before you prepared for the best act of faux confidence, dare I say ever performed.

That was until you could feel his eyes reading every tiny detail about you like a book, from the insecure look in your eyes down to the over-thought-out choice of your plain black slacks. All your prior preparation was completely thrown astray. You forgot that profilers also profile regular people, much different to deranged criminals. "H-hello, I'm (Y/N), (Y/N) (Y/L/N)". You stuttered as you reached to shake the intimidating man's hand. "Welcome to the BAU (Y/L/N), it's a pleasure to meet you".

He went over all the formalities with you until it was time to introduce yourself to the rest of the team, all of which you knew a bit of information about from previous research. Not to be creepy but just to get more acquainted with everyone, lessen the overload of information you were inevitably absorbing on that day.

Your eyes scanned the bullpen as one by one, agents walked through the glass doors of the BAU. Having seen all your soon-to-be-colleagues in the various articles you'd read, none of them phased you, except one. He was tall, and handsome, with slick-back chocolate brown hair, and big, adorable hazel eyes shielded by a pair of glasses, only being 1 year your senior but having accomplished three times as much as you. It was the one and only Dr. Spencer Reid.

He locked eyes with you for a second, before you swiftly averted your gaze to who you presumed was SSA Emily Prentiss, cheeks slightly tinted rosy to have been caught staring. The sound of a door opening and closing alerted you to Hotch advancing towards you, it was time to get the most nerve-wracking part out of the way.

With clammy hands and an urge to jump off a building, Hotch cleared his throat, gaining the attention of his team. "Hi I-um-I'm (Y/N) (Y/L/N), but I guess you can call me SSA (Y/L/N), or (Y/N), whichever you'd like!" Well, you completely fucked that one up, may as well just quit right then and there. This was not going according to plan.

"I think I like baby girl better, or maybe pretty girl, you seem like the copy-and-paste female version of our pretty boy Spence here". That must have been the infamous Derek Morgan, judging by his suave attitude and demeanour. Unsure of what to say, you heard another voice speak instead.

"Morgan! You can't just say that, especially not to (Y/N), it's her first day, and I'm not even a pretty boy so that comparison is quite redundant in the first place!" Spencer whisper yelled at Derek. "Come on Reid, she's gonna have to get used to me at some point may as well start as early as possible." He said as he shrugged nonchalantly.

"Oh, 'em, gee!! You're so, so, cute! Hi, I'm Penelope Garcia, the world's best tech analyst who can just about hack into anyone's devices." You chuckled lightly before she enthusiastically took your hand. "Good to know, I'll keep that in mind for whenever my ex tries to contact me again". You two both began to break out into a small fit of giggles before another three people approached you.

Jennifer jaureu, David Rossi, Emily Prentiss and yourself exchanged greetings and humorous banter before Hotch ordered the team to meet in the briefing room for your first case. A mixture of excitement and consternation bubbled up in the pit of your stomach as you cautiously made your way down the steps.

The team found their usual spots at the round table, leaving a singular spot next to Spencer Reid. You crept up to the seat, eyes darting wildly over anything that wasn't his own, before facing your body towards him.

"Could I- perhaps, sit here, please?" Spencer nearly jumped at your voice, a little startled by your sudden appearance. "Ah-well, y-yes of course, uh- nice to meet you, sorry I didn't introduce myself earlier I'm Dr. Spencer Reid. I didn't mean anything by it, it just seemed like you were busy with other people and- and it just-" "Reid!" Hotch slightly raised his voice to get the attention of the Dr. after calling it out about 5, 10, maybe even 15 times. It's not exactly like you were paying any attention to Hotchner either.

Spencer let out a meek "sorry" before The briefing began. The case involved a string of murders involving families in their own homes, those of which were alarmingly brutal. Even though you had worked with stuff similar to this in the academy, the reality of the crimes never fully set in as it did when you were the one investigating murders and catching the killers.

The briefing wrapped up and not long after it was "wheels up in 30" as Hotch likes to say. You felt like you were already learning a lot about everyone, making it much easier to feel comfortable around them. Although Spencer was still unexplored territory to you.

—x—

"Oh um yeah I really like that book! I mean I think you could already figure by me reading it.." he trailed off before awkwardly tittering. "Have you watched the movie too?" You questioned him, trying to get him to open up more regardless of the fact you were also extremely terrified of most human interaction.

"I have, surprisingly, I mostly just read books". He simply stated. "Ah I see, are you into any horror movies though? Because damn do I love them!!" "I do, I do! They're practically the only ones I watch but I have a fascination with the horror genre, as well as Halloween. Arguably the best holiday ever."

You laughed at his exceedingly biased opinion, sitting yourself down across from him on the plush couch to continue your conversation. In due time, the rest of the team piled in, Spencer and I's delightful discussion was cut short as we had to talk about real-life horror, not nearly as fun.

—x—

As you worked tirelessly into the once radiant sunlight-filled skies, now shrouded by darkness, you could feel the looming presence of slumber sneaking its way into every inch of your body. That seemed to be the way everyone else was feeling too, the drooping eyelids and slouched posture a tell-tale sign that we all needed some well-earned rest.

"Alright let's wrap it up for tonight, we aren't going to make any progress in this state and we need some fresh eyes," Hotch announced. We began packing our go-bags up to head to the least sketchy motel, which was still extremely mediocre at best.

You lazily undressed and threw on your oversized cal tech T-shirt, just your underwear underneath before crawling under the worn-in duvet covers. The moment your head hit the pillow you were out like a light.

The same unfortunately couldn't be said for dear Spencer, a lot was plaguing his thoughts. Some were about the case, most were about you. How smart you were, how pretty you were, and especially how well you got along. It wasn't often Reid warmed up to people this quick, even less so with that of the opposite gender, but he found himself getting lost deep in conversation with you. It felt too good to be true, after all he didn’t have the best luck with women.

As he twisted and turned over between his left and right sides, Spencer knew he was getting nowhere. His lanky frame sat upright on the bed, reaching out for his glasses to have some clue where he was heading. He glanced over at the time; 3:42 am, before creaking the door open carefully so as to not wake his dreaming coworkers.

The Dr. made his way in the direction of the lobby, passing by the arguably atrocious-looking floral wall print and stain-ridden carpet. Soon stopping by a janky old vending machine accompanied by an even dodgier-looking water dispenser. He fumbled around in his sweatpants pockets before he inserted a coin to get the sweetest coffee available. He scrunched his nose in dismay, it wasn't sweet at all (It probably was but we know how much sugar this man likes in his coffee).

"Spencer..?" A voice chimed out to him, your voice. "Oh (Y/N), what are.. you um- doing here?" He fidgeted with his hands before looking down to make eye contact. "I could say the same thing," you snickered. "Couldn't sleep. Thought I might as well get some coffee before I attempted to do some more work on the case," He explained.

His eyes travelled even further down your figure, passing the ends of the messy (H/C) hair cascading down your chest. He noticed a familiar bold black text plastered on the front of your T-shirt. The realisation hit in the form of a deep red blush creeping its way up his neck onto his sculpted cheeks, as you were wearing the exact same thing. Excluding the bottom wear, were you even wearing anything underneath- fucking hell could this get any worse for him?

Quick answer, it could. You reached your arm up to snatch the coffee from his grasp, tutting your lip while your shirt had risen just about as far as it could go before you'd flash your lace panties for anyone to see. "Give me that, you need to sleep!" You scolded him, your palm pressed flat against his chest, trying to obtain the drink. He sharply inhaled at the movement, unsure of what to do next.

"It's ok seriously, I wouldn't be able to sleep either way." He assured you, but your stubborn ass couldn't take that as an answer. "You could always come to my room, I'm sure me cuddling you would make you sleep like a baby," you teased. "E-excuse me, what.. do you-" "I'm only kidding, jeez ever heard of sarcasm?" You heartily laughed.

Sweat beaded on his forehead as he struggled to articulate any kind of thought racing his temporarily stupefied mind into speech. As Emily said an IQ of 187 was slashed to 60. Luckily for him, you chose to pull away to grab a disposable cup. Lukewarm water trickled into it as you waited impatiently for it to fill.

"God, could this take any longer?" You let out an exaggerated huff before downing it in one go. "And room temperature too?! This place desperately needs some upgrades." Spencer chuckled at your hysterics before you snapped back at him, "What exactly do think you're laughing at, if I recall correctly you were the one left all cute and flustered by my little joke." You raised your eyebrow waiting for a response yet none came, that sure shut him up.

The thud of the coffee cup as it dropped to the bottom of the trash can rang through both of your ears before you promptly turned on your slippers to head back to your own... compact, motel room. Leaving him a star-struck mess who would certainly not need any caffeinated beverages to stay awake till dawn.

Hope this wasn’t dog shit and you enjoyed, l’ll be uploading more parts to this series soon. Thanks for reading and feel free to make any requests for Spencer 😜.

[nvnvmi]

little secrets ᡣ𐭩 minors dni

cw: smut!!! fem reader, mentions of oral (f), fingering, overstim, (and they were) roommate!nanami, not proof read (pls be nice)

an: my first jjk fic <3 pls enjoy my word vomit

It was smaller than the length of your pointer finger. Tiny, pink, easy to tuck between your fitted sheet and the bed. Stowed away, hid so that nobody would ever know about it other than you. The hiding spot was also convenient — easy to grab while you’re kicking the comforter off. Too hot. Too pent up. Just stretch your hand back behind your pillows and there it is. The tiny pink toy in a gold silk bag. Charged, happily humming in your hand with the click of a button.

Your perfect little secret. A reliable one, something you know that is always there for you.

Until it’s not.

The bed frame, four posts and all, shakes as you tear it apart. Pillows scattered across the ground, sheets crumpled up and thrown at the foot of the bed. You’ve lifted the mattress, shone a flashlight in the spaces underneath. Not a single glimpse of it.

Panic starts to set in your chest. It weighs heavily on your stomach, which has started to flip. Could you have left it in the bathroom when you went to wash it? Was it accidentally thrown in with your laundry? Though you know all these possibilities are unlikely, you find yourself desperately trying to cling to them. To justify the disappearance.

There’s no point in destroying your room even more. It isn’t here. It had to have been misplaced. There’s no other explanation for what could have happened. It seems in your frantic panic and annoyance at what could have been, you forgot an important fact.

You’re not the only one that knows about your little pink secret.

But don’t worry — you’ll be reminded half past midnight, a hand clasped over your mouth and core vibrating violently.

It did end up in your laundry basket, tangled in your sheets, tagging along for the weekly wash. The second you had everything set up is when your phone buzzed. How could you have forgotten that you were supposed to meet a friend?

“Kento?” You called the second you hung up the phone, completely abandoning the sheets. The golden bag that didn’t catch your eye.

“Hm?” He responded, not bothering to look up from his book.

“I have to leave, like, now. Can you start my laundry for me?”

With a huffed laugh, he rolls his eyes. You couldn’t just toss it in quickly — no, he knows once you’re set on something, all other tasks cease to exist. It’s endearing. “Sure.”

“Thank you.” You’re not projecting your voice anymore, passing by where he’s sat in the living room. “I owe you.”

It was careless not to notice the golden bag against your white sheets. How did you miss that? Such a stark contrast, it should have been easy to catch your eye. Kento clicks his tongue, gently grabbing the bag by the drawstrings and pulling it out of the heap of sheets. He places it on the dryer, trying to figure out where he should put it. On your bed? Maybe back in the basket, once the sheets return?

The tension in your house was thick all the time. An obvious attraction between roommates that shouldn’t be there. For months, you both lived with it, ignoring the feelings that would bubble up when he loosened his tie after a long day, large hands flexing around the knot. Or when you would walk out of your room in the morning, stretching, tee shirt hiking up your thighs. The day Kento caught a glimpse of your panties — white and sheer — was when he realized he wasn’t as strong as he thought he was. Though his expression remained neutral, eyes flicking up quickly, he knew he was weak. Unable to resist.

It wasn’t until one night. Too many glasses of wine, giggles in the living room as you both watched some shitty movie after a shitty week. You watched the lights from the television dance on his face, sharp nose more prominent than ever. What must it be like to sit— “Ken?”

He hums softly, head rolling towards you. “Yes?”

“I’m really hot.” You say. It’s true; the alcohol went straight to your cheeks, and the blanket you’re under felt suffocating. But god, there was this heat in your lower stomach. The one you feel every time you touch the gold bag, butterflies scattering as the sun pounds down on them. You get that feeling when you look at Kento. When he’s this close, the smell of red wine and a woody cologne makes your body feel like summer.

Eyes flicker to your lap, his hand following. He pulls the blanket away. “Better?”

You shake your head. “No. Not at all.”

“I can see what the thermostat is set on—“

Thank the heavens for wine, and the unbridled confidence that comes from it. That night you straddled his lap, fingers carding through his perfectly styled hair. That night he got to taste you, words slurring when his tongue worked over your folds. That night was a pivoting moment, and Kento wasn’t just your hot roommate that you fantasized about anymore.

It’s been almost a year since that night, and you two have found yourself craving each other far too often. He’s stopped dating, noticing nobody holds your attention quite like you. It’s hard to acknowledge anyone else when you’re around — and he doesn’t want to, either.

The bag ended up in his room. He knows you haven’t been using it as often anymore. Just like him, you’ve found yourself far too enamored to even want anything other than him.

He walked by your room as you were searching for that toy. Mumbling in frustration, huffing and puffing as you came up empty again and again. Maybe it’s time to return it.

You like the third highest setting. Intense, but not overwhelming, pressed right to your clit. He watched as your eyelids fluttered at the first brush of it, a hand softly placed over your mouth. Thumb stroking your cheek. Only a few more seconds before he gets to see your pretty eyes, brows furrowed in confusion. Blinking up at him.

It’s an alarming sensation. Rem ripped away, you wake with a gasp. The inside of your thighs are already quaking a bit, held apart by his knees. Keeping your legs nice and spread for him.

“Hello, sweetheart.” He says in a low whisper. The distress starts to melt once you recognize it’s him, sinking into the feeling. “Sleep well?”

You moan against his hand, eyes rolling back just slightly. God, the knot in your stomach is so tight already. Has the vibratior been on you that long? Or was it being woken up like this that’s rapidly pushed you to the edge of your cliff.

Either way — you can’t guarantee you’ll last much longer.

“You’re so pretty when you sleep.” Kento whispers, pressing a gentle kiss in between your brows. “I couldn’t spend another night away from you. I hope you don’t mind.”

It’s impossible to argue with Kento even when he doesn’t have a fucking toy pressed to your clit. The feeling starts to get more intense when you feel a hand on your inner thigh, slowly working its way up.

“You must have gotten hot again. Sleeping in only your panties? It’s like you were trying to provoke me, darling.”

The hand ghosts over your folds, tips of his fingers barely even touching you. Even in your tired, dizzy state, you quickly realize what he was going for. Your hands come up to his arm, nails digging in as you shake your head. If he presses that button—

Too late.

Not one click. Not two. Three. The second highest setting, the vibrations ripping a raw scream from your throat. He chuckles a bit, fingers going to plunge inside you.

“Oh my.” They slid in with ease. His pace is brutal off the back, quickly moving in and out. Brushing against every part of you that craves him, that needs him. “See, this is why you should stay in my room. I’d never let my girl go to bed so worked up.”

Tears sting. Sweat forms at your hairline. Ecstasy building so fast and so relentlessly that you have no time to think. The world is Kento — nothing else matters.

You grunt against his hand, panting pathetically against it. Your nails draw blood, bruises sure form. Good. You hope the marks never fade.

A fat tear rolls down your cheek, quickly brushed away by his thumb. His smile is gentle, warm. A contrast from how roughly he’s treating your cunt. He’s filthy, rough, treating you like the little pink vibrator stuffed against your clit. A toy. His toy.

But, god, it’s the affection in his gaze that sends you to the brink. Raw screams, tears that are quickly wiped away. Your body twitches as you soak the clean sheets, his sweatpants. Everything covered in you.

Kento quickly withdraws his fingers, moving the vibrator from your clit. His hand properly cups your face, unrestricted moans filling the apartment. You’re fisting his white shirt, hands so small compared to his large frame.

“Easy, sweetheart.” He peppers kisses across your cheeks, licking the salty tears away. “There you go, there’s my girl.”

His girl. You’re hoping that one day, you truly will be — Kento knows you are already.

You look up at him, the waves of pleasure finally starting to numb. With a smile, you hit your bottom lip out. Silently asking for a kiss.

He beams at you, very happy to fulfill the request. Lips pressed against yours, you hum happily into the kiss. Content. Wonderfully achy. A feeling that only comes when you’re with Kento.

As you lose yourself in the kiss, he reaches for the little pink toy, and clicks it on again.

[ganondoodle]

i might have already talked about this but i honestly cant remember if i did or if its one of my totk thoughts that keep haunting me in my head (and god knows how id find it on tumblr)

.. did they ever say how long link was gone for? like at the start? bc to me it feels like it must have been months or something given how some things are .. although others are the opposite

like the spypost alone is so weird to me, its a goddamn stupid place to put it, a SPYpost should either be concealed or in a hard to reach place with good look of the environment around it- which it doesnt have at all (despite higher up hills being right around the corner ...), who would put a spy post directly on flat ground at the castle doors?? (AND in a place where i think would have been the ONLY good place to put nothing there/dont change it- or have it bee a secret entrance into the castle you can find on your own .. if the castle was actually like a dungeon and inaccessible for the most time ...) makes even less sense if it was built before link disappeared bc wh- .. whats its purpose anyway? the calamity is gone and instead of rebuilding castle town or soemthing nearby you put the words least sensical spypost right at the front of the castle thats a dead dirty lump of rock (yes i know zelda mentions soemthing of the miasma being active or whatever but that changes nothing abotu how little sense thing darn thing makes to me .. ) (i will stand by my idea of rebuilding the ranch ruins into a little hub and tavern instead, a spypost can be a smaller thing higher up but that as a little new town and maybe with my personal little wish of having all your horses run around a ranch, of course its got little defense, this is a ranch and the calamity was gone and its not that close to the castle, its also rather in the middle of the map and a bigger wider area would be hard to miss, plus its using an old neat reference and making something meaningful out of it, soemthing this game is allergic to im- *breathes in* fine.)

death mountain, i assumed at least, cooled down with the cataclysm (.. way too serious sounding for .. largely just some pebbles falling from the sky) and it seems like theres alot of stuff built on there and even grass growing and everything, like its been that way for a long time, yunobo being dumbified by brainwash mask and the things he does also dont feel like they happen in a day or two

the other regions on the other hand ... ignoring how mcuh of a non issue the rito problem is (the oooooh blizzard doesnt even stop them from flying ..... its not freezing them either bc none of them wear any more clothes and just do business as usual .. but then food is supposed to be a problem? .... you .. you can fly ..... ... why wasnt the boss then a monster that eats everything of the region or soemthing ... a big ol worm razing entire forest, or .. you know, make the blizzard an actual problem, winds so strong you cant fly, temperature so low you freeze immediately without special armor), are just .. dealing with it themselves? and dont seem to even seek out the help of anyone else? like it literally just happend?

but then theres entire sonau research teams and people studying it but .. all the shit started to appear with the cataclysm ... so???? though zelda at the start talks about it like its been a well known every day life fact that the acnient stupid furry first king of gods holy lands was called rauru and he was a sonau (WHICH NO ONE KNEW ANYTHIGN ABOUT THE LITERAL ONYL THING KNOWN WAS THE ARMOR SET IN BOTW THAT ALSO DOESNT MATCH ANYTHING AT ALL TOTK SONAU) and his fridge wife was sonia like its just written in every history book and still somehow accurate (might i remind you its been MORE than TEN THOUSAND YEARS sicne then and nothign was known of them in botw) while no one remembers link from a 100 years ago, nor from 6 years ago, but then remembered the champions for the 100 year botw gap and then promptly forgot about them in totk (it really feels like that) BUT THEN you got kids in school that dont fking believe the calamity happend (which was defeated just like 6 years before that)

then again .... theres not a single soul on the sky islands, despite there, NOW more than ever, multiple ways to get up there, are you telling me everyones obsessed with the stupid sonau shit and then no one even tries to go up there??? arguing that it wasnt accessible until noodle zelda broke through the clouds at the end of the tutorial doesnt work bc those ruins already fell down, people must have known and no one even tried?? also they can go up there after it go opened up?? plus clearly the ruins were able to fall through also ... what even determines whether an island falls down or not? why do some fall when tHe dEmON kInG wakes up? you see it with those green sonau magic stuff but like .... who ... did that, both rauru and mineru were dead when zelda noodlefied herself and there everything was STILL on the ground? the only magical thing the constructs do is use fuse sometimes i dont think they can lift up all that shit .. clearly is wasnt rauru either bc he acts surprised about it being up here, but why does it falter when big il ganon man wakes up? mineru after the weird static non battle with ganondorf wasnt doing so hot and we have no idea how much time passed between that and the moment she goes into the purah pad (i could be annoying about that as well) either

in taburasa (tarrey town) they do all that shit with the sonau stuff, implying theres enough time that passed to make people tinker with it too so ?(though i still hate that bc its so .. shouldnt you of all people be scared of more techy bs materializing when the whole calamity is like back almost exactly like it was before? not even suspicious? no? you dont even know how it works yet everyone trying to work with it like there isnt anythign better to do??)

like with everything in this game it keeps contradicting itself, the inconsistency makes me want to rip my hair out anytime i try to make sense of it

[flameswallower]

THE BEST FICTION I ENCOUNTERED IN THE FIRST HALF OF 2024!!

Due to what I feel is the most in my wheelhouse re: ability to give a critical defense or determine artistic quality, and also so I won't be here ALL DAY, this list will include books, comics, interactive fiction, and one short video webseries I really liked. It will not include movies, TV shows, non-IF games, or nonfiction, although I do also enjoy/partake in those things.

Everything on this list was new to me this year with the exception of the comic strip Junk World; however, Junk World released as a zine fairly recently, and I forgot to mention it on my end of 2023 list, so I feel fine putting it here. "New to me" does not mean something necessarily released this year, so I have put the year of release in parentheses next to the work where I know the year of release. A couple of these books haven't actually come out yet (I read ARCs); I've noted that when describing them and they will also be on the end-of-year list so people don't forget about them. : )

--------------------

Novels and Novellas!

Cuckoo, by Gretchen Felker-Martin (2024): This is a blisteringly angry book: a constantly burning blow torch pointed at homophobia, transphobia, and, especially, the pervasive scourge of hidden, ignored, and socially approved child abuse. Yet Cuckoo has great tenderness for its immensely damaged protagonists, and also takes the time to flesh out and empathize with some of its odious antagonists. This nuanced characterization provides a necessary counterpoint to the rage that fuels the novel, and makes it more moving and memorable than most other politically charged, hyper-violent works of fiction. There are quiet moments of connection and sorrow that are going to stay with me far longer than the scenes of dynamite explosions and shoot outs with shrieking, starfish-faced cops.

Failure To Comply, by Cavar (comes out in August 2024): Reading Cavar’s Failure to Comply, I couldn’t help but think of the recent David Cronenberg movie Crimes of the Future. Both deal with dystopias in which bodies and their modification are strictly regulated, and people with unauthorized bodies form a vibrant, perpetually imperiled subculture on the margins. Both use this conceit to speak metaphorically about the plights of trans and disabled people, although Failure to Comply’s characters are also presented as literally, textually disabled and trans. But, although Crimes of the Future is often accused of being a “weird movie,” Failure to Comply is undeniably much, much weirder. Cronenberg is super normal compared to this.

Maej, by Dale Stromberg (comes out in September 2024): a doorstopper I found difficult to put down and finished inside a week; a work of very unapologetic genre fiction that’s equally unapologetic in its intelligence and dedication to doing strange, creative things with language; a high fantasy story I actually liked. The setting is the city of Sforre-Yomn, in the country of Hwoama, whose culture combines elements from across the continents of Asia and Europe. But Hwoama is matriarchal: men are subordinate to women, who dominate politics, business, the military, and nearly all other professions. As a result of this fact, almost all the major characters in the novel are female. By turns this presents a fun, simple, mischievous inversion of maleness as the unmarked default state for fictional characters, and meaty commentary on the social construction of sex, sexuality, and gender. Stromberg has cited Le Guin as an influence on Maej and, in the most complimentary way possible, this influence is evident.

Wrath Goddess Sing, by Maya Deane (2022): I listened to the audiobook version, read by the lovely voice of Katherine Pucciarello, so I can't vouch for whether I would have enjoyed the novel (as much) in text form. However, the audiobook was an engrossing tale of bronze age sandal, sword, and sorcery. Although it is based on the story of Achilles, readers who want a very po-faced historically or mythologically faithful retelling would be wise to look elsewhere; that said, I for one have little interest in retellings that do not bring a lot of new stuff to the table, so I was happy with all of the strange, interesting, surprising directions this one went. I loved the bizarre, often horrific depictions of the gods; this book really captured the feverish, molten, giddy, and terrifying feeling that accompanies magic and spiritual encounters in real life. Like I said, this is essentially a lavish work of epic sword and sorcery, and I think it is best to set one's expectations through that lens.

More Bugs, by Em Reed (2024): A slow-paced existentialist character study/slice of life about a cynical, depressed butch woman going through a quarter-life crisis after circumstances force her to move back to her sleepy central Pennsylvania hometown and back in with her disapproving mother. Also a f/f age gap romance. Also a magical realist/sci-fi story about shapeshifting alien beings. It's unique, and I connected with it a lot.

Read and Then Burn This, by Rysz Merey (2024): Ah, young love! Have you ever been nineteen, shallow, insecure in your art, inexperienced in the world, and making poor sexual decisions? Haven't we all. This is a book about that. I find the relatively small scale of the proceedings, and the emotional numbness/constipation of the characters, makes this feel all the more sordid.

The Woods All Black, by Lee Mandelo (2024): This one has a couple flaws that bugged me while I was reading, but it's a revenge-horror romance story about two trans guys (or arguably: a trans guy and a butch) in 1920s Appalachia and it has blisteringly hot, graphic sex scenes of both the "regular" and the "monsterfucking" variety, so-- pretty much impossible for me not to enjoy overall! I thought the depiction of how 1.) people in the past conceived of transness differently than most people do today, and 2.) different trans people often conceive of their own transness differently, even if their embodiment is very similar, was nuanced and quite well done.

Short Story Collections!

Grime Time, by Ivy Grimes (2023): Some of the oddest short fiction I've read in ages! Grimes' surreal stories tend to be very brief, and they're almost always impossible to categorize. They deal heavily with ambivalence and ambiguity, two of my favorite things, and often end up unsettling the reader not because of anything particularly ominous or awful that happens in the narrative, but because it's very unclear what actually has happened, how the protagonist feels about it, and how the reader ought to feel about it. The definition of "really makes you think!" Grimes' prose is simple and clear, with minimal description, yet very distinctive. Often reminds me of Leonora Carrington.

White Cat, Black Dog, by Kelly Link (2023): Predictably enough, another all-bangers instant classic from Link. These stories are all based on fairy tales, with some following the original fairy tale quite closely and others taking very loose inspiration from the fairy tale or mixing and matching with elements from different tales. My personal favorite, the standout in an excellent collection, was "Prince Hat Underground," which is a really beautiful story about being in a long term relationship with someone you love but don't always get along with or understand, about accepting the inevitability of death and loss, and about what a fairy tale romance looks like when the people in the fairy tale romance are middle aged men on the cusp of old age, rather than wide-eyed young people.

Individual Short Stories!

"The Earth and Everything Under," by K.M. Ferebee (2014) is a slightly grotesque, surreal, fairy tale-like novelette about grief and witchcraft. I strongly suggest you read it at the link.

"The Clown Watches the Clown," by Sara S. Messenger (2024) is also slightly grotesque, surreal, and melancholic; it's about a young person in a space opera cyberpunk future who's caught in a rut. Again, you can and should read it at the link.

"The Evening and the Morning and the Night," by Octavia Butler (1987) has been anthologized in a few places and shouldn't be too difficult to track down, but I'd never read it before. It's an incredible work of sci-fi that deals with mad liberation/disability justice and also with (as in much of Butler's work) the idea of biology as destiny: to what extent are we at the mercy of our bodies and instinctual drives, and to what extent do we have the power to decide what we'll do with them? How do the stories we tell about certain kinds of bodies and medical conditions affect our ability to see that potential for choice, for agency, or just for things to turn out in a different and better way?

Comics!

Kiara's Junk World rules. I love the skillful inking, the cute animal characters, the playful and sardonic wit, the erudite references.

Interactive Fiction!

In a.c.d's The Beach That Makes You Old, you have to help a patient trapped in an evil hospice/psychiatric facility. (2024)

In K.A. Tan's Labyrinth, you play as the Minotaur, on the last day of his life. (2024)

Both games are free to play, with a play time of about forty-five minutes to an hour if you want to get all the endings/explore every aspect of the narrative. If you've never experienced interactive fiction before, it takes no special gaming skill: you just click through different links!

Video!

Mr. Samuel's Teatime Stories, dir. Yara Asmar (2024) is a distorted, Lynchian faux-children's show. Unlike, say, Don't Hug Me, I'm Scared, the tone is much more eerie, elegiac, and somber-- or, occasionally, surprisingly sweet-- than darkly comedic and satirical (which isn't to say there are no jokes or funny moments). I found it really moving by the end.

[vesemirsexual]

What is even more disappointing about how game!Ciri is written is that CDPR Can give us compelling and complex “ trauma and grief can cause you to repeat the cycle of violence” arcs for characters like Syanna and Lambert but apparently completely forgot what a huge part of Ciri’s character that is

the first time I played I thought she got amnesia as well because of how much of her fiery temper was toned down, and how her trauma is hardly mentioned ( and it's not like the characters in this game trauma are completely ignored it is talked about in some quests) I wanna see what she really would have done had she seen Emhyr again

I feel like game Ciri had two distinct groups they were aiming for: people who found Geralt even more appealing because of the fatherhood angle so they had to work his actual kid in AND hot girl fan service.

The thing is, if they gave her too much personality or depth, she wouldn’t have fit into these groups well and therefore people would’ve found her annoying and/or off-putting. People already do sometimes but not to the degree that they would’ve if they even BEGAN to touch on the absolute shitstorm that is Ciris psyche after everything.

Also realistically, they made the Witcher games centre about Geralt bc he appeals to their large majority male fan base: combatant, dark mysterious tragic past, ripped, attractive, fucks hot women, is a good guy while still also getting to do badass things and beat people up. If you look in depth at Witcher fans on different platforms when they talk about him, a lot of dudes are very much “oh my god he’s literally me”. Ciri could never be the focus because she wouldn’t appeal to that same group, and we know that every time a game is released people throw the weirdest bitch fits about female characters, especially main ones.

This is also why Ciri is made an attractive character, when realistically that tiny little facial scar they’ve given her is nothing, she’s spent her developmental years on the run/being attacked/under extreme stress so I honestly can’t imagine her being a tall skinny but also hourglass woman with one or two scars, and put her in a cropped shirt (such a bad choice it’s mildly hysterical).

I think Lambert and Syanna are also a really good example of how people handle angry traumatised characters too, because Lambert gets a lot more leeway than Syanna (and I say this as a big fan of both!) Like there are literally people out there and on this webbed site who say she is pure evil, one of the evilest people in the Witcher for being a fucked up mean trauma victim who hurt a Poor Little Meow Meow (Higher vampire with decades of life experience more than her, incredibly possessive, responded to emotional manipulation by violently attacking an entire city). Like Lambert literally brags about axii’ing a guy to shoot himself in the head with his own crossbow.

Ciri got done very dirty, but I see how and why it happened. Book Ciri deserves rights but unfortunately I think Games Ciri will always be how people perceive her, and therefore portray her in fic, art and other work predominantly (praying same doesn’t happen with TWN Ciri). We’ve been robbed of such a complex, angry young woman and I mourn it 🙏

Edit: I can’t even touch on the Emhyr thing because the fact she can reconcile with him is honestly mildly fucking horrific. Like even if they’ve removed the nasty ass incest factor, that man quite literally destroyed her entire world and was willing to do so further in order to get his way. The fact she can call him father in one ending is genuinely vomit inducing and so disrespectful to Ciri as a character (also the audacity to play down that Ciri literally sees Yen as her mama WHILE playing devils advocate for War McCrime is a whole choice).

[icarusredwings]

Partically inspired by @giddyaunt425

Went to the pool today and had some thoughts (because I can't escape the brain rot sooo)

What I think everyone would be doing at the

☆Incarnation and Co Pool Party☆

For regulation reasons, only those who are available are attending, including all of the past incarnations due to some sort of freak accident at UNIT that im too lazy to think of right now.

(Feel free to add what else you think these lunatics would be doing! Use the tag #Incarnation pool party)

1 is laying under an umbrella half asleep and complaining that he's going to get a sunburn if he falls asleep.

('But if Susan was here, she wouldn't let me get burnt')

2 has been given a beach ball and is honestly just happy to be playing in the water. He told 1 that he would keep an eye on him, but let's be honest - he already forgot.

(And he missed Jamie. He probably would have mentioned Atlantis.)

3 and Delgado! Master are over in the sand pit, bickering on how their sand castle should look.

(3 says it shouldn't have that many windows, Delgado disagrees, making more windows and claiming that they need the natural lighting.)

4 is in nothing but his scarf and his trunks taking a nap on one of the sun bathing chairs.

(This is probably the best sleep he's had in a long time, but... He pprroobbaallyy has a sunburn now. This is what 1 was worried about.)

So is Yana!Master, who was lucky enough to be prudish enough to only show his forearms and shins, which are now also burnt.

(Despite Donna's constant shouting about sunscreen and how 'You blokes are too pale to be out here with nothin' but your longjohns!' But he is still infact the Master. Which means, of course, denying authority)

5 is in the field portion trying to teach Dhawan! Master, Dan, and Martha how to play cricket. (but is getting visibly frustrated. Seriously- who signed him up to babysit?)

Tegan is watching 5 trying to understand Dhawan's nonsense from the sidelines, smirking.

(She signed him up to babysit)

6 has the most ridiculous looking one piece known to man, sitting on the edge of the pool at the deep end.

(He's kicking his legs in the water and cheekily splashing 7 and Mel)

Mel is on 7s arm in a frilly two-piece, giggling at the fact 7 refuses to take off his hat despite the water being up to his chest.

(He's asking Ace not to drown him, Ace responds, 'No promises, professor' and proceeds to dunk him, which gets them the whistle for roughhousing. His hat is now soaked.)

Graham is talking about processing grief with 9. (The name Grace has come up at least 30 times already.)

9 seems weary of the water. (Sometime later, he's found hugging 10 and telling him about the beach they took Rose to.)

8 is on the other side of the pool, slathered in SPF 80° with a book and regretting his seating choices. He's trying his darndest to ignore his neighbors.

(While also evesdroping each time he hears the name 'Grace')

His neighbor in question is Donna, who is already four margaritas in and keeps shouting at various things at people over the very loud party music that's playing from under her chair's radio.

(Sometimes threatening to drown a specific someone if they didn't stop terrorizing Ainley!Master, who kept hissing for getting purposly splashed)

From 'Do a flip!' Towards Simm!Master, who keeps hogging the diving board, demanding that 10 watch every single jump and challenging him to make bigger splashes than him.

(Donna told Simm that 10 needs babysat and 15 told 10 that Simm needs babysat so now they are both simultaneously babysitting each other)

To 'WOOO! Get'em!' At the game of Chicken going on between a team of 11 and 13 VS 12 and Missy.

12 is complaining that Missy is heavy and Missy accuses him of insinuating something, which in turn leads to 13 insulting 12.

(That he was 'just weak and couldn't afford the upgrade because she can carry 11 just fine'.)

14 is next to her and can't stop laughing at her shenanigans. Sometimes, he tries apologizing to 8 and Roberts! Master (who keeps covering his ears from such loud music and shouting) but, unfortunately, is SEVEN margaritas in.

(So was otherwise just as- if not more- noisy and is now attempting to dance)

S10 Saxon!Master has rolled his eyes at least a billion times by now at the others' antics (smirking at the sight of their hiddeous dancing) and keeps finishing off 14s half drank margaritas.

(You would need a drink too if you had to deal with all this bullshit)

All the way across the pool, Ruby and Yaz are gossiping about their time with the Doctor and their past incarnations. (They're heavily trying to figure out what the Masters deal is too, Seriously- why are some of them chill, some creepy, some insane and some flat out an ass? They had a list as follows;

The sensitive master: Chill + Creepy

The girl master: Chill + Insane

The grandpa master: Chill + Chill

The bitchy master: Ass + Ass

13s master: Creepy + Insane

The master with rabies: Insane + insane

The one master who apprently knows a lot about sand castles: Chill + Ass

The master that kept hissing when you splash water on him: Creepy + Ass)

15 is sat on a life gaurd tower, whistle around his neck, sonic in hand and in an orange speedo, watching everyone like a hawk so that his past selves can heal and enjoy themselves.

(Oh, and did I mention Donna confiscated everyone's Sonic's/Lazers except for 15s?)

[samus-arans-sweaty-pits-n-balls]

first time i heard about DID was the trans dude i had a crush on in high school (unrelated but crushed on him before he came out and when he did i realized i wasn't straight) 2 years later, after learning to accept him and his situation, I started thinking about it. it wasn't until I was looking out my window and glados came into existence to be afraid there was a bird outside. more came quickly and we started exploring the reality of being a system till our abusive little sister heard us talking to ourselves and accused us of being crazy. which sucks, cause Behemoth was the only reason we could handle working. later, homeless due to queer identiy and refusing to be abused anymore. still supressing system. join cult. cult takes advantage of did to convince body its housing a bunch of gods (not helped by a pre-existing alter being named Athena). went literally insane for like a year. fully detatched from reality. abusive ex usurps cult leader (small cult) and becomes my new cult leder.

get into temp housing, break up with abusive ex. slowly get better while she gets worse. still not accepting of did, Athena literally had to seal most of us away so we could regain sanity over the course of like 3 years. meet other systems, join new cult with them. break free a lot sooner, accept that after losing my mind once, I am able to recover faster. hope it never happens again. start hanging out with a group of witches. have great time, later learn one of 2 mentors is abusive manipulator, and both are anti transmasc. homeless a few more years, still ignoring signs of DID. finally get housed during Covid. new medication makes me suicidal, have to talk to a friend daily to not think about killing self. for 2 weeks. Alters start coming back, mention to friend. learn they have parts too, get therapist reccomendation. Therapist is did specialist with parts himself. learn a lot, become far more healthy and in communication with alters. "There are no bad parts" was his most important message. no alter is bad, all have a purpose, all exist for a reason and even if it causes harm, they exist because they were needed.

Go to a yoga class for 3 years, one day in 3rd year have no idea what i'm doing. later realise different person was fronting. meet future wife. tell her i have DID early into friendship. she secretly didn't believe at first but over time seeing my alters interact with each other and other friends, quickly accepts it as fact and falls in love with 3 of us. She now is keeping a journal about my alters and one day hopes to write a book about being married to a system. even when I have doubts, thinking i'm faking, she tells me each of her wives kisses differently. and activly can tell who is fronting based of the slight changes in our face and body.

activly want to learn blender to become a DID vtuber so we can demostate our existence and help normalize people living with it. Also want to do vore gimick. Goblin alter really wants to do vore gimmick. Grangle, you scamp. anyway, abridged story of my did experience. forgot to mention making a thoughtform alter during covid. anyway. can confirm i'm sufficiently traumatized for the plural equivalent of transmeds to fuck off.

[loopy777]

1/2 I got the paperback version too. I always wanted the hardcover version, but that one came with ridiculously high shipping costs D: Anyway, that's a vast collection you got there. There's some stuff I didn't even know existed, like the unofficial water tribe volumes. From a quick google search, it looks like a fancomic about Zhao? Was it popular back in the day? Then you have stuff I wouldn't have expected you to own, like the Zuko graphic novel, or as I like to call it, the atla manga xD

The 'Water Tribe' comic is, technically, a fan-comic about Zhao, but what distinguishes it is that it's written and drawn by a storyboard artist who actually worked on both AtLA and LoK, and did official comics for AtLA. It's been contradicted by Zhao's cameo in LoK, but the look and feel are IMO the closest you can get to the original animated series, so it goes on the shelf with my official Avatar comics.

I actually got it signed at the same time as the Zuko graphic novel, as Johane Matte and Benjamin Wilgus were sharing a table at NYCC. I had brought my own copy of Zuko's Story and purchased the Zhao comic there, but Wilgus got confused and thought I had purchased everything just then. So the original note hopes that I will enjoy it. But then Matte clarified the matter after I started walking away, so I was called back by Wilgus to get a post-script added with a correction to hoping I enjoyed it. So that's something unique.

Also, I forgot to mention before that Wilgus did a sketch of Cartoon Zuko in it, which is pretty much how everyone was treating the comic at the time- an AtLA prequel manga that for some reason had Zuko and Iroh drawn incorrectly but that's easy to ignore. XD

As for the manga itself, I think it has its ups and down, most of the ups being the bit with the Guru you're going to mention in your second part. It's not something I would recommend to anyone but the serious collector. ;)

Continued:

2/2 I remember liking the interactions between Zuko and the guru in that one. But the thing that surprised me the most was your signed copy of the comics. You mean to tell me that you willingly asked your archnemesis Gene Yang for his autograph? Are you truly Loopy777? xD Regarding the Avatar Legends game, can't you play with your brother? Or is he not an atla fan?

Hey, Yang was sharing the table with Hicks. I may not like his comics, but it would have been super awkward to just bring books for her to sign when most of the line had beloved copies of American Born Chinese with them! XD For the record, I think ABC lives up to the hype, and in fact I've loved all of Yang's original graphic novels that I've read. So I was able to have some pleasant conversations while waiting in that line.

However, one of the people waiting in line with me offered to get the rest of my Yang comics signed for me since she just had a couple of books for each author. I declined, saying I'd be happy just getting the first volumes signed since for me it's more about supporting the author and getting a nice thing for my collection. I did not say I didn't care that much about it that I wanted to bother someone else. XD

But yeah, here's the proof.

As for Avatar Legends, my brother and I find it hard to align our schedules enough for what would have to be a several-hour session, and he's never been much of a serious role-player. It would probably also be kind of weird just to play one-on-one, rather than in a group, as this system especially seems to be about collaborative storytelling. But yes, he's a fan of the original AtLA cartoon, although that hasn't extended to any of the expanded material or even LoK. For him, it's a show he enjoyed, not an obsession. Which is probably a much healthier mental state for this franchise. :P

[canonmisogynyvictimstournament]

PROPAGANDA

STARFIRE (DC COMICS) (CW: Sex Trafficking)

1.) She is frequently put down in the og 80s comics due to being more expressive and open with her emotions, and ever since the og she has frequently been painted as just eyecandy (ignoring her sexual trauma) when her character is so incredibly complex. Special mention goes to red hood and the outlaws (2011) (written by a sexual harasser) for just terrible stand out awful reasons which will be seen in the below photos and her 2015 solo for combining her vapid portrayal there with her cartoon quirkiness to culminate in a trash comic that is just her basically being the born sexy yesterday trope.

2.) 2011 reboot, in RHATO she was turned into a walking fetish by retconning most parts of her character and erasing all personality displayed in the past 30 years of comics. in that iteration she is only interested in sex and is dehumanised and ‘exotic’. she ‘forgot’ all her past relationships because she doesn’t care about them only sex. her only purpose in that book is as a powerhouse and a sex/love interest for one of the male characters who view her as a trophy because she used to date someone he dislikes (in this continuity) let’s also not forget that she was first created just to be a love interest and although she did grow into a hood character at some point, she is treated horribly time and time again by writers because of conflicting ships. she’s written as a ‘vixen’ as opposed to another ‘good girl’ female character who is shipped with the same guy in canon

3.) Her original characterization was fairly decent, however it still had her stuck in relationships with men that weren’t very good for her and had overtones of racism with how she was written. Post that her characterization was slowly chipped away at, some writers with harder sledgehammers than others, culminating in current writing where she’s dismissed as “just a fling” to her original counterpart (Dick Grayson) to prop up a different ship (Dick Grayson/Barbara Gordon) and frequently has been used as eye candy in other comics. Simply open the first comic of Red Hood and the Outlaws, which obliterated her personality to make her associate/be subservient to the Red Hood, and you’ll find plenty of panels of her appearing simply for eye candy in the boobs and butt pose for absolutely no reason. This is not the only time she’s been used to cater to the male gaze (I’d argue even in her original context that was part of her appeal) but in this comic she essentially has no personality beyond “i want sex” as her memory of all past events has been erased. She’s essentially just a tool for her male counterparts in the comic to bounce off of, and eye candy to bring more male readers in. She does eventually get more storylines later on, but that doesn’t excuse the bad writing she was put through. Her own solo series also cashes in on her sex appeal, by infantilizing at the same time as drawing her in skimpy outfits + more boobs and butt poses galore to go for the “born sexy yesterday” misogynistic trope.

BUMBLE (WARRIOR CATS) (CW: Domestic Abuse)

1.) Back with another Warriors submission, I bet you’ll be getting a lot from other people too LMAO. Bumble is a kittypet (housecat) who befriends the male protagonist Gray Wing’s girlfriend, Turtle Tail, and lets her stay in her house. This gets Gray Wing all pissy because he’s controlling of Turtle Tail and shares most of the wild/clan cat’s proclivity for looking down upon kittypets. Turtle Tail gets pregnant by another kittypet, Tom, who tries to control her by hiding the fact that humans take away kittens after they’re born. Eventually Bumble comes clean about it so Turtle Tail returns to the forest. Some time later, Bumble is found in the forest seeking refuge because Tom has been physically abusing her, scratching her where the humans can’t see. So, she’s CANONICALLY ACKNOWLEDGED as a domestic abuse victim (unlike Squirrelflight who meets all the textbook signs but the narrative and authors deny it). How do you think our good guy protagonists, i.e. Gray Wing “The Wise” and Turtle Tail, respond to an abuse victim seeking refuge? They tell Bumble to go home, thinking to themselves that she’s fat and soft and therefore would be useless in their group. Bumble stands up for herself and asks to speak with the leaders of the group. One of them asks if Bumble could just get along with Tom better (bro???) and when Bumble says it’s not within her control, the leader suggests being nicer to the humans instead. Another rival leader butts in and verbally abuses Bumble again by ripping into how fat and lazy and useless she would be. Despite Turtle Tail having been friends with Bumble and Bumble had helped her through her own hard times, to Gray Wing’s approval Turtle Tail chooses not to intervene as Bumble is forcibly escorted back to her abuser. But that’s not all. Later Bumble is found in the forest maimed and dying, and it seems likely that Gray Wing’s brother Clear Sky, a male with a long history of violence, is the culprit. Rather than mourn the dying innocent cat, Gray Wing’s primary concern is how other cats might be mean to Clear Sky if they think he’s a murderer, and reassures himself that refusing to help Bumble in her time of need was still the right decision.

2.) I have no idea how she managed to be written so horrifically from an abuse victim and woman (/she-cat I guess) standpoint but here we are. Okay so my memory is a bit fuzzy but basically Bumble was a character in Dawn of the Clans and a close friend to Turtle Tail, a major character, as well as a character who lived close to Tom, an abusive dickhead of a cat. Bumble was largely depicted as just a really sweet cat. Turtle Tail was very briefly the mate of Turtle Tail, but once she got pregnant, he became super violent towards both her and our gal Bumble. Tom actively hid the fact that, once her kits were old enough, Turtle Tail’s kits would probably be taken from her, and made Bumble keep quiet about this too, but Bumble eventually told Turtle Tail the truth, Turtle Tail left and Tom became extremely violent towards Bumble because of this, and was extremely abusive towards her. Eventually, Bumble ran away from him to where Turtle Tail and co were and begged to stay, since the wilderness as a whole was genuinely more safe than being around Tom was. Naturally, this meant kitty xenophobia from cats who had only arrived in that area recently, because everybody was insistent than, since she was a kittypet/house cat, things wouldn’t work out, and even her friend Turtle Tail denied her on this, insisted she was too soft to live in the wild and only sent her towards a cat Bumble wanted to convince because she was absolutely certain she’d be denied. Also our good old protagonist Gray Wing got to spend this scene being all upset about this soft cat wanting to join them to escape an abuser and was all bitter about the fact that Turtle Tail lived with her for a short period of time, and he also got to have a sweet romantic moment with Turtle Tail after denying an abuse victim an escape from her abuser. Also as much as I like Tall Shadow usually she sucked ass in the following scene because she was essentially telling Bumble to go find a way to make peace with Tom as if she was not the one being abused (Bumble pointed out that Tom was the one who would need to make peace for it to happen, not her) and that she should just make life better by going back to being a housecat and being spoiled despite the fact that she was actively at risk with her owners because of Tom. Then she leaves after being threatened by several cats there and is called soft on the way out. The next time she appears she is literally dying, and her death is just a plot device to create a stupid little mystery which is solved in a very stupid way. Also her abuser does continue to be a shithead and for some reason is fully permitted to kidnap his own children but he also gets a heroic death and the only reason I will not rant more about him is because this is too long already. Long story short Bumble deserves the world and everybody who decided not to let her escape her abuser just because they thought she was soft sucks

3.) Is nice to the group of starving, feral wild cats that left the mountains so their friends and family could have more food to eat and befriends one of them to the point of opening her home to her after she leaves the group because the guy she likes is too dumb to notice she likes him and keeps falling for his brother’s love interests.

Unfortunately, because Bumble is a house cat who lives in a house with people and not a Wild and Free cat, this is a grave and horrible crime (luring a wild cat into the safety and comforts of domesticity) and is villainized for the rest of the arc, including for things wildly out of her control

I.E.

Her owners taking in an aggressive male cat that bullies and abuses the two female cats already living there

When Bumble’s friend leaves and goes back to the wild cats, Bumble leaves her home (as the abuse as has gotten worse) to see if she could either get help or have her friend return so the abuse isn’t as bad again)

Bumble eventually dies in the wild because the feral cats all hate her for ‘stealing’ their friend and tricking her into becoming a kittypet for awhile and refuse to help Bumble adjust to wild life or even teaching her how to hunt.

They are littl e to no hard feelings at her death beyond ‘good riddance’ but the aggressive tomcat that chased her out of her home is later regarded with good feelings and regret at such a ‘good, heroic cat’ passing when he dies despite him literally never doing a good or kind thing in his life and actually causing trouble for the wild cats right before dying

[kavehnanginto]

i was entirely wrong about you…. part 1

synopsis: you realize your feelings after you brutally rejected and insulted him. regret soon followed you and you realized that it was too late, the feelings of love sprouted but you just had to ruin it. you never really thought of the fact that he was still so in-love with you, doing everything, for you to feel the same

pairings: alhaitham, cyno x gn!reader

references to pride and prejudice, bit of fluff jk, angst, its a happy ending spoiler alert unless you don’t want me to, i did not get sleep, proof read is for the weak just fix the grammar and spelling in ur mind, alhaitham is a bitch, cyno is a bitch, reader is a bitch

part two

ALHAITHAM

You have lots of opinion about the acting grand sage.

First of all, he did nothing but insult and ignore you when you were partnered up with him in his Akademiya days and secondly he was your ex-crush. Sure, blessed with good-looks and intelligence he was a catch but his pride was a big issue. The way he disregarded your opinions, made sure he got his way and belittled you. All these were from the past.

But was it really your fault, when never once did he apologize?

Now, its just silent stares and awkward conversations. You bet he didn’t even know who you were but still you find him staring at you in meetings. Maybe it was because he found you outfit horrendous. He spoke little in your presence, preferring to be on his own. Book and chair. Unlike before, he dare not speak negatively about you, often times forcing a compliment here and there. But you never forgot his words, and when you mentioned it he told you don’t fret over the past.

Your self esteem shattered because of your past with him. You cried because the guy you liked would rather die than team up with you. Liked. You were not to be harassed by fate again over a man who eats his own reflection.

“I love you.”

Your night never really ended with Alhaitham confessing his feelings for you. In fact, even when you did have a crush for him you never really and truly expected that he… Alhaitham was now at your door saying this.

It was raining. You didn’t know why you knew he hated it. But it added to your emotions all the same. He was panting, you didn’t need to come close to feel his beating heart. But even with this display of vulnerability that you so desperately wanted a while back.

Your pride got hurt, and its your dream to hurt his too.

“A while back, I would have been ecstatic to hear this from you,” you started. “But know I have realized your character acting grand sage. And I’m sorry if I hurt you, believe me I did not mean it. I also apologize the disdain in my voice when I first spoke to you at our eventful reunion. Believe me I meant no harm.”

You see a furrow on this eyebrows. He was for sure thinking it was a yes. He knew how much you clinged to him back then. Then.

“Are you rejecting me?” It was confusion rather than regret. You expected him to be regret what he did now that it was the reason why you stopped all feelings for this man.

“I believe that we can change Alhaitham. I was a funny child when I first met you, always on your side for approval and validation. I have changed, and I know you hardly didn’t.” you gave a small smile. “I’m sorry for you coming all this way, in this terrible weather and all—“

“So are you?” There was more force in his tone. Maybe he wanted this to get over with, huh?

“Yes!” you snapped. “You thought of me so little you think that the guy that insulted my intelligence, my presence and my dreams was the man I want to be with? I'm so sorry that I reject you, but how can I accept and like someone who never cared about anyone except for himself, someone like you ?”

Thunderstorms soon followed. You stared into his eyes with hatred, with what you wanted to say all this time. You looked down on him, as there was no way you’ll let him climb the stairs to your home. What you did not expect was the furrow on his brow was replaced with a wide gaze.

“So that’s what you think of me.” He looked down, he was wet and you were too. The rain felt like a comfort to him at this point. “I’m sorry for what crime I have committed, and for also be so daring to be in your presence.”

And there you last saw him again. The rain which at first was so loud, now unheard.

You wept. It was grains of tears, falling after another. You wanted this, right? This was your revenge. But though your ego satisfied, the tight feeling in your heart told a different tale. You did the right thing? Or did you just delude yourself by knowing that deep inside. He was right.

The tales of that day plagued your mind, it was like a ghost who dare not let go of you.

It was the end of work and he gave a letter. You just hoped things will get better and you will once again see the right path.

“Dear y/n,

When I first met you I hated you. It was because of your liberal and sunshine views about the world. Your optimistic mindset of everything yet still being pessimistic about yourself. That about you made everything you do annoying to me. How you faked a smile. How you were always there. I hated it. So when you left I never really knew why I hated it even more.

You didn’t have child like fantasies in the world, I was wrong. I grew to love this world, behind the books I read and novels on imaginary land. There was this world, so complex and unknown, and when I see every flower and every breathtaking view I immediately thought of you. And when I met you again when I became Scribe I fell. It was not even weeks, but I was already so besotted with your presence I can’t even remember how or why.

There is no excuse for your disdainful hatred towards me. I admit I deserve it fully. But let me thank you for everything. For showing me the beauty of everything, and for giving me the biggest prize to be with your presence even if it was for a short while. It was a pleasure nonetheless and I hope one day you grew to forgive me, even if you never love me back.

Wishing for your health and happiness.

With love,

Alhaitham.”

CYNO

The general Mahamatra was once your best friend. It was childhood, it never was permanent. In your early teens both of you drifted apart. It was always meant to be. He was just too good for you and you know that, even now. What you didn’t know was that he didn’t even acknowledge you existed. Long gone the cute boy who tied your shoelaces and played pirates with. It was replaced by the popular kid who banished your existence in his mind. It continued like that for the next 6 years and then gave up.

About time, he might have said.

Your happiness and piece of mind was more important than your friendship. So when you were paired up with Cyno, you were colder than he is. He was more friendly than before, he spoke with genuine intentions and he always valued your opinion. You were starting to like him not until you asked him of the past and he mentioned how nobody was there for him. It was vulnerable for him…

…. but you were never that angry at anyone your entire life

You spent hours in your room just to know he ignored you back then. How you tried everything to get his attention. You could’ve been there and he just didn’t care. Maybe he wanted that of superior presence and not you? Was that it. At that moment, you decided he was still the same. The bare minimum of talking to you and acknowledging you did not impress you anymore.

In fact, you hated it.

“I’ve grown to like you these past few weeks. Can I talk you on a date perhaps.”

It was late at night and you guys are creating a plan to enter the ruin. Almost done, you pack your things and ready for a new day not until he said that.

“How so?” Your reply was one of judgement., he recognizes it fully.

“Well for starters I’ve known you for a while. Your laugh that you showed, although not very often it was a pleasure to see, how your lips curved as you bite your bottom lip. How your eyes glisten when you see dood that you like and how eyes gaze in the room when you hear a nostalgic sound.” He’s serious. Dead serious.

You stared to his soul, just as he did to you.

“Instead of staring, please just answer—”

“…”

“No.”

He was silent than ever before. “Humor me, why?”

The room was now that of crickets and the faint sound of footsteps. You were about to exit the place if not for this confession you never wanted nor dreamed, nor even thought of happening.

“What do you mean why?” You stepped closer to him. His then serious look was replaced of an observing look, curious of what you have to say. “Do you remember me?”

“I do, we were childhood friends—”

“After that! After silly princesses and pirates did you know what happen?”

He knew about this.

“We drifted apart—”

Another step. But he didn’t back away. He wanted you closer.

“YOU drifted apart!” you pointed at him. “And you have the audacity to tell me that nobody was your side. I WAS there! And I could’ve been there if you just noticed my presence and let me be in your life like I once was—”

“Then you should’ve told me!” he argued.

“Then maybe you should’ve cared!” A pause. It felt good to say that after all this time. But at the same time you wonder what this means.

And then you grew distant at him and went to the door to open.

“And now you delude yourself to take me on dates and be with me. Maybe you should have thought about that years ago when I did everything to be with your side. Maybe you have thought to apologize for what you did instead of coming back when you want.” You closed the door and let yourself feel the night wind. You didn’t know why you cared so much for a guy like that. But you wonder if he changed or you did. Maybe he had a perspective you were so blind in seeing.

That morning was eventful. You were late to the meeting with Cyno and you need to get over everything about last night. You were greeted by an empty room and in your desk a letter was to be seen. In it was beautiful handwriting, one that your familiar with

“Y/n,

You were right I ignored you back then. It was intentional, it was true. You were all the talk by males and females alike. You made me sound like a popular kid. But I didn’t even know how to pop corn. Did that make you laugh?”

No it did not, but it made the atmosphere more bright than it should’ve been.

“I liked you since childhood. And you were just so unreachable in highschool, I didn’t even know why you wanted to befriend me. A boy who nobody liked. Who was too aloof and distant for his own good. That’s the reason. It is so unbelievably useless and worthless to you. I know. But I never meant for this letter to change your opinion of me, rather I wanted to mend what you thought it was in your mind. As for what I said, it was a great offense to you. I meant that nobody was there and I liked it that way. I would rather carry my burdens alone and when I said it to you I wanted you to know of my state in that past. Maybe a way of you understanding me more. I guess it had an opposite effect.

I know how disgusting I am to you so I’m pulling myself in our investigation. But collected a good sum of data now placed in your desk. I hope it will prove use. When you’re in the ruins please let someone accompany you. Ask that of Tighnari and I am sure he will. I hope I explained my side to you and even if it means not to talk to you. I’m glad I confessed to you last night.

Apologies and a thank you,

Cyno.”

Proof reading is for the weak anyways that is all. I am not a lore player so idk if this is right but yeah thank you for reading

[snailsgoingdowntown]

Day 4 of writing for blade until he comes home.

Blade x fem! Reader

Minors/blank blogs dni

This mini 'series' doesn't have an official timeline, it's all over the place, aka tomorrow I might write their first meeting only to write their 1st year anniversary the next day. Just an example.

Warnings: implied violent thoughts, mention of murder/death, slight possessiveness if you squint, toxic-ish relationship cuz blade would not be able to keep a healthy one, implied past sex.

Could be read as yandere but not intended to be. So I'll tag it just in case.

In which you're scared but unable to walk away.

==

You can't help but walk on eggshells around him.

No name given to you, your brother basically shoving this 6'2 man to you, who looks so bored it could practically be his entire personality. Black hair that reaches below the waist, the tips red. His eyes are also a unique color, red with golden rings within. And he's your 'travel buddy', which is really a nice way to say bodyguard.

It's been two since then, no longer as naive as you once were, unable to ignore the shady business your brother partakes in. Unable to pretend that this man seated next to you on your own bed, is anything but a crazed criminal, his wanted posters being torn down as quickly as possible outside. But for your own safety, you still play the part of a naive young woman - barely any knowledge of the outside world yet a bit temperamental at times.

You're scared of being killed.

Hurt.

Tortured.

And so much worse and even so, you allowed him in, Blade looking around your room with some interest. Books scattered around instead of being placed in the bookshelf, stuffed animals decorating your bed's corners and the opposite side of your perfered sleeping spot. A computer desk that's way too cluttered with resumes and job sites, a few empty coffee cups from earlier that day -

You allowed this criminal into your room. The worst part was that he wasn't the only one - your brother counts, too. And Kafka as well. And maybe even you, just for being related to and associated with them.

Maybe you're even worse.

You allowed yourself to become involved both romantically and sexually with a wanted criminal, one who may go crazy at any moment. It's even worse when you bring up the fact he's Mara struck, if you heard right. The worst part is that you're considering alerting the authorities.

You only found out their names through the wanted posters and kept your mouth shut about it.

No wonder your brother was so paranoid about leaving you alone. He can't monitor your activities, your access to the internet, can't control where you go outside. But he couldn't exactly keep you locked up either, the guilt would kill him. But apparently the guilt wasn't enough, still forcing you to act like the perfect sister, never ask questions and play pretend.

He knows that you know.

You just hope that Blade doesn't.

"It's your first time being in my room, huh?"

And hopefully the last.

"Hm." Blade doesn't say much, arms crossed and doesn't say much. Or anything at all really, letting out a sigh after a few more minutes of silence.

You forgot why he's even here.

"Your brother is worried about you," he doesn't look at you and you don't look at him. Your attention is on the T.V, trying to tune out his voice, his smell, his very presence because if you don't, you might scream. Scream at him for keeping it a secret, for lying to you too, for making you fall for him when he's the incarceration of evil -

He hasn't exactly given you a proper reason to be afraid of him. But after reading his list of crimes, it's hard to see him in the same light, especially when there's video evidence, victim reports from those who managed to get away somehow. Just when you finally were starting to open up to him, getting to know him properly, you found out everything thanks to a single wanted poster shown on the screen for but a second before the channel was changed by a maid.

Everyone knew expect you.

"Is he now? Hard to believe considering he sent a man into my room instead of a woman." You don't mean to bite back, but it's either that or let the fear reveal itself in your voice. Your actions. So, you cut yourself off from him, reverting to your past self from a year ago when you first met him.

Masking your fear with annoyance. Convincing yourself he's annoying rather than scary. It barely worked and it's barely helping now.

"He knows I don't have any dubious intent concerning you. I don't see why you're so uncomfortable with this, considering we... 'shared' a hotel room once. Plus the door is open," he gestures to it with his head.

The memory of the hotel room brings warmth to your face. Whispered praises, soft touches, kisses that lasted longer than needed. You can feel him looking at you, now.

You still don't look at him. Your entire body is tense, and it's obvious be can tell. From the way he decides to look at you and take in your appearance, to how he raises a brow, not understanding just why you're like this.

You did a 180.

From sharing secret and gentle touches, hidden kisses in the hallways, lingering looks as you pass by each other. Now you can barely look at him, and you're aware he's confused and maybe even a bit hurt - if he wasn't using you. It was a perfect plan on his part, worming his way into your heart, insurance in case anyone were to find out and rat him out, you could be there to lie for him.

But everything felt too genuine and that makes the matter worse.

"It's stuffy in here," standing up, you smooth out your dress, the skirt all wrinkled now. You try to ignore the way Blade stares at you, from your face to the way your legs move, unable to settle on one place. You can't tell if you're shivering from fear or slight arousal.

Just like how you can't tell if he wants to love you or kill you at times.

You're scared that he's going to hurt you. Go crazy and kill everyone in this house. Hurt himself.

You both fear and love him, but the fear is stronger than the love.

Blade reaches out from his position on the bed, hands resting on your sides before bringing you closer. You don't resist, allowing him to place you between his legs, trying your best not to flinch. He hasn't hurt you yet, he's still being gentle, he's still -

"We're the only ones here right now. Everyone left to either go home or attend to their business." His thumbs rub circles into your hips, tilting his head as his eyes travel between your thighs and your chest.

Your body freezes over. He just said your brother sent him to check on you, and now he's asking for...?

"I'm... I'm not really in the mood." You squeak in surprise when he brings you down with him, straddling him as he lays on his back. Locking eyes with you, his hands travel lower until they rest on your upper thighs. He hums in content.

"I know. But it's the perfect time for you to tell me what's wrong." The way his fingers dig into your flesh unsettles you. The look in his eyes do as well, both possessive and cautious. How did you not notice this before?

"Just tired. I didn't realize job hunting could be tedious," you settle down on him, gently placing your hands on his lower abdomen like you always would, drawing circles on it. When unsure and scared, revert to old habits that led to positive results.

You could feel him relax to your touch. Like his worries were disappearing, but not fully. You try your best not to cringe when one of his hands clasps over yours. His hold on it is gentle.

You wonder if these same hands strangled someone to death, or if he just stabbed them. They're blood stained, and you had allowed them to touch you, pleasure you, comfort you. And now they might strangle you someday, if he doesn't stab his sword through your heart first. And yet, despite everything, it still feels nice.

"Hm. Something else is going on in that head of yours," his grip on your hand gets tighter. In the past, you thought he would do such things because he didn't want to let go. But now knowing his past, finally putting a name to the look in his eyes, you're sure he wants to hurt you.

You remember him saying how to love something is to kill it, and to kill it is to love it.

You're scared he was talking about you. You want him to use you if loving you meant killing you. Because then throwing you away wouldn't spell the end of your life. But loving you would.

Even so, it almost hurts to think that.

"I wish you would tell me your real name." You all but sigh out, dropping your weight onto him, chest pressed against his, head nuzzled into the crook of his neck. He can't see your expression this way, the way your lips quiver and how wide your eyes are with every passing second.

His arms enclose around you, and for once, you hate how touch starved he is. You hate how his touch both comforts and horrifies you. You can't make you your mind, but you're still scared of him regardless.

He doesn't say anything, but once again, his grip gets tighter and tighter until -

"I know that you know."

[yellowkitkieran]

To Have and To Heal (Part 6)

Masterlist

Read part 1 here

Word Count: 3.3k

Summary: Single working dad Martin Odegaard is navigating the ups and downs of parenthood all on his own, and he’s struggling. That’s not to mention football, life and... love?

Martin Ødegaard is late.

Being a teacher, tardiness isn't something you normally tolerate. But when the offender is a tall, fit, blonde, Norwegian man that you have a massive crush on, you guess you can grant him a pass. 

You fiddle with the hem of your glittery gold dress, absently wondering if it's too much. You stared at it on the mannequin in the Chanel window display for what felt like hours before you decided you had to have it. You rationalized your outrageous purchase by saying it was a birthday present to yourself, ignoring the fact that you'd bought a pair of boots and said the same thing the week prior. Looking your best tonight was a non negotiable, and as soon as you tried the dress on you knew you had to have it.

Did you nearly drain your savings to afford it? Yes. Do you care? Not really, when you're positive Martin might lose his head at the sight of you in it.

The gold, half-sheer fabric hugs your body in all the right places. The fitted sleeves stop an inch above your wrist, allowing you to showcase the thin gold tennis bracelet passed down by your mum a few years back. The dress falls to your mid thigh, showing plenty of skin whilst also not causing a scandal among your colleagues. The metallic threads woven throughout catch in the club lights, attracting attention from all corners of the room but not from the man you crave most, because he's still to arrive. 

Half heartedly, you wonder if he's forgotten. Or perhaps the lads invited him out at the last minute and Martin decided that a night drinking with his friends sounded more appealing than hanging around at a teacher’s birthday party. 

Jen presses a drink into your hand, confident as ever in her fitted blue party dress. No matter where you are, she is usually the star of the show, but today you’re somewhat glad she’s turned it down a notch. "Quit staring at the door, live a little. He'll show up and if he doesn't, well then guess what! I'll help you find someone to forget about him." Jen touches your elbow, guiding the glass in your hand to your lips. "Drink! Have fun! Let loose and live for once in your life!"

Without a second thought, you down your drink amidst cheers from your friends, slamming the glass to the table when you've finished it. You make eye contact with Martin when you do, who's just walked in the door looking devilishly handsome as always. 

Martin's blonde hair is perfectly messy, one little strand sticking straight up like he'd nervously fiddled with it outside. He wears a red and black flannel unbuttoned over a plain black shirt, and a pair of skinny jeans that his muscular thighs look set to rip out of at any second. Even his shoes are modest, a simple pair of white high top converse. The only thing about him that screams money is the silver watch on his wrist; without it he may as well be an average London boy out for a night of fun. 

Somehow, he's even more gorgeous dressed like this than when he's wearing all designer or an Arsenal tracksuit. You love his modest appearance, like he'd chosen each piece with you in mind, to ensure he did everything he could to keep the spotlight off himself and firmly on you. It's sweet, as is the way he grins when you wave to him. 

Martin comes over and places a book sized box on the table before stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "Happy birthday, Sunshine,” he says, the greeting rolling off his tongue as easily as a plain hello. “Sorry I’m late.”

"Thanks," you squeak out, then clear your throat. You're determined to get through this night without embarrassing yourself, so you try a touch of banter and say, "I was beginning to worry you forgot about little old me! Party started at eight and it's now… nearly nine, Mar!"

"Ah yes, sorry I know,” Martin apologizes, and you swear a bit of pink finds it’s way to color his cheeks. “It's just that Atla wouldn't let me leave and I wound up having to bribe her with a new set of paints I had been saving for her birthday to convince her to stop clinging to my leg like a little animal." 

Oh God, how selfish of you! Of course Atla wouldn't want her dad to leave her, especially when she isn't used to him going out except for matches, when he'd be gone for days at a time. It’s perfectly reasonable to assume that he wouldn’t want to leave until he knew Atla was settled. 

"Right, I'm sorry! Of course that's why you're late, I shouldn't have assumed. That’s adorable though, that she loves her daddy so much that she couldn’t stand the thought of you leaving!"

Martin waves a hand, his voice like silk as he says, "Ah please it's alright. I should've messaged you or something. Though I would've had to email you through your school account, which you probably wouldn't have seen anyway, I doubt you check that on nights out."

Maybe it's the fact that you've already had enough to drink that you're feeling slightly buzzed, or maybe it's simply your new confidence in this dress, but you hold out your phone to Martin, a blank contact on the screen. "Put your number in then! I'll message you and you'll have it in the future then."

Looking slightly stunned, Martin takes your phone and types in his number before handing it back. "There you go- this is for you by the way, Sunshine," he says and nods towards the box he brought, a timid smile on his pale lips. 

You run your fingers over the red wrapping paper and fiddle with the loops of the bow in the center. "You can call me by my first name, you know, Martin. I thought we were friends and all that?" 

"Ah, but I like Sunshine better… how about if I call you solskinn instead? Would that be acceptable?" 

This man… you swear he knows exactly how to make you fall head over heels. It doesn't seem like he even realizes what he's doing which is the most mind blowing part- how can someone not realize the effect they have on another person? 

You smile when you realize Martin is waiting patiently for an answer and stutter out, "um- yeah, yes that's fine Mar… I'm gonna wager a guess that it's just Sunshine in Norwegian?" When Martin nods, you feel heat creeping up your cheeks, desperately willing them to not burn too brightly. "Yeah, I like that then Martin, you can call me that."

"Good, because it goes with the gift I got you. Go ahead and open it! I'm excited to see if you like it." Martin shifts a foot closer to you until he's inches away. You aren't sure if you're imagining the heat radiating from him or if it's truly there, either way you don't care. When you turn your head to look up at him before you rip off the paper, you have to crane your neck to see his pretty smile and the impatient glint in his eye. His beauty stuns you for a moment, the alcohol in your veins inhibiting your good sense and whispering that it’s a perfectly fine idea for you to stare at him a touch longer than you probably should. 

Jen's sharp elbow to your side brings you back to reality as your best friend saves you for the first time that night. You smile awkwardly at Martin then tear into his gift, gasping when you see the brand embossed in the white box.

"Chanel? Martin what did you do?! I can't accept this-" without opening the lid, you try shoving it towards Martin. Whatever it is, you know it isn't cheap. Martin shouldn't be dropping hundreds of pounds on you when he has Atla at home. 

"Honestly solskinn please, just open it," he murmurs, sliding it towards you again. His hand finds a place between your shoulder blades as he leans in to be heard over the music, "It's customized so I am not allowed to return it anyway. Trust me I can afford it! Please just open it and see. If you truly hate it, I'll pawn it off to one of the lads' girlfriends or something."

Ah, right. It can't be anything too personal then. Hopefully it's something small, though knowing Martin and that look on his face, it's the exact opposite. Taking a deep breath, you place one hand on either side of the box and bring it in front of you. You aren’t sure why you’re so nervous to see what he’s picked out, but something tells you that everything is about to change. 

You pull at the lid, wiggling it free. You're acutely aware of Jen's eyes burrowing into your skull as you peel back the white tissue paper, Martin's hand burning a brand into your skin through the material of your dress. "I hope you like it," he murmurs as you pull out a small, white leather crossbody bag with a tiny sun emblazoned above the clasp. You run your fingers over the gold chain strap and the embossed decoration, not having any idea what to say.

Martin fiddles nervously on your left. Your back suddenly grows cold when he removes his hand, raking his fingers through his hair instead. You're stuck staring at his gift, awestruck by the thought he's put into it as much as its price tag. 

"Uhh… do you like it? If you don't just tell me-"

"I love it," you interrupt, eyes wide when you turn to him. "Honestly Martin it's perfect- thank you so much!"

Without thinking, you throw your arms around Martin's neck for a bone crushing hug. Every muscle in his body goes rigid for a split second, like he's warring with himself. Then his arms engulf you and you nearly sigh when you’re slotted into the perfect fit of his embrace. He's warm and soft in all the right places. Calm- that's how you feel in the moment, as if a hug from Martin is all you needed to erase your frantic thoughts and worries. 

"You're welcome," he says into your hair, so quietly that you nearly miss it. You want to cling to him for the entire night, but you force yourself to release him after a few more precious seconds. 

“I really do love it, Mar. It’s such a thoughtful gift.” You allow yourself to touch your fingers to the back of his hand, trying to encourage him to let loose and be himself. 

“I was worried you wouldn’t, I thought maybe it was a bit too much. I wasn’t sure on the color either, I had no idea there was so many choices for things!” You laugh, imagining Martin looking like a lost child in the store until someone took pity and offered him help. “The salesperson was really helpful though, she said white was classic and that you’d probably like gold cause most people choose that with this bag and… and I’ve gone off on a tangent, haven’t I?”

You tip your head to the side, studying Martin as you say, “have you? I didn’t really notice to be honest. I don’t mind listening to you chat. Really, I’m a good listener, I’m used to toddlers telling me the most mundane details.”

“Ha- yeah I suppose that must be true, Atla always wants to tell me every little detail on our way home, right down to what colors she painted the trees with in art that day.” When Martin speaks about his daughter, his entire face lights up. You can tell how much he cares for her, how immense his pride is for his little art prodigy. 

If you had it your way, you'd stay here chatting to Martin all night. You have books full of questions to ask him, things you want to know about his life, his passions, his family, his culture… but your friends apparently have other plans. 

"Haaaapy biiiirthday to you!" 

You internally groan, spinning on your heel and being greeted with a round cake overflowing with candles. 

"Haaapy birthdaaaay to youu!"

Jen grins, stepping into your personal space and forcing you back a step, causing you to knock into Martin to avoid getting a face full of burning birthday cake. Martin's hand shoots out to your waist, steadying you. You're focused entirely on his touch whilst your friends finish their song. It takes an enormous amount of willpower to pay attention and keep a grin plastered on your face to cover the way Martin's hand makes you want to scream. It doesn't move until you lean forward to blow out the candles and everyone claps, Jen giving you a look that tells you she's set her master plan into motion. 

After you've cut and divided out the cake, you finally find your way over to Martin. He stands mostly alone, for once flying under the radar in an establishment full of uni students and young adults that couldn't care less about a football player amongst them. He leans with one arm on a high table whilst he chats to one of the people you'd invited. Martin does a double take as you approach, swaying your hips slightly while he quickly wraps up his conversation. 

"Do you want any cake? Or does your strict diet not allow for any fun, sugary foods?"

Martin laughs, a musical, magic sound that you instantly want to bottle so you can hear it whenever you please. "I'm sorry, I'm afraid I'm not allowed to have any cake tonight. I am about to get a drink though, would you like anything?" 

"Mmm, seems a bit backwards if you ask me, but alright I'll buy it. I'll have whatever you're having? And I'll come with you." You add the lastbit on impulse, glad you did when Martin's face lights up. 

You follow Martin through the crowd, grabbing his flannel at one point to avoid being separated in the sea of people. Martin slows his pace when he realizes you're struggling, then reaches a hand towards you for you to take. 

Time seems to slow to the point of molasses around you when your hand slots into his. You swear a jolt of electricity sings through you when your palm slides against his calloused one, fitting perfectly together like a matched pair. He guides you through the crowd with ease, like this somehow isn’t giving him the same butterflies as it’s giving you. 

Is Martin doing this on purpose? Does he realize the effect he has on you, or is it simply a coincidence that everything he's doing tonight sets your heart on fire? You don't care either way, you just pray it's not a one time thing. 

Martin hesitates at the bar and you get the feeling he doesn't want to let go. You open your mouth to tell him he doesn't have to but you're far too slow, and he drops your hand before you can get a word out. A stone of disappointment settles in your gut as you fold your empty hands in front of you. 

Martin orders two of a drink you've not heard of before. Whatever it is seems fancy because it takes ages, which you're very aware of thanks to the silence that stretches between you. Martin's mood has changed in the time it's taken to get from the table to the bar and you have no idea why. You hate it, you want the Martin from five minutes ago. You want the Martin that hugged you and was soft as downy clouds, not this steely, closed off version of him.

When the drinks come, Martin slides one your way and says, “If you don’t like it, I can get you something else.” Fruity bursts cover the slight burn of alcohol when you take a sip. The drink goes down easy, and before you realize it you’ve finished half. You grin, setting your glass on the bar. 

“It’s good! I like it, you’ll have to tell me what it is so I can order it more often. Although I have to admit, I took you for a straight whisky kinda guy.” Your shoulder bumps Martin’s in an attempt to loosen him up. It works at least slightly; some of the tension drains from him. That light you love dances in his eyes again, the blue of his irises even brighter somehow.

Hold on- love? No, no. You don’t love anything about Martin… You can’t, he’s your student’s father, but… what an amazing father he is. You’ve not met a man like Martin, who balances such a demanding job with being the perfect father. Atla loves him so much and you would have to be blind not to see how much he loves her as well. His world revolves around his blue eyed, blonde haired, outgoing little girl. 

And that is precisely why you’re falling for him. It isn’t slow anymore. It’s more like a plane crash, sending you into a helpless, tumbling free fall that has you toppling arse over teakettle. There’s no denying it anymore. You may as well admit it. 

Taking a deep breath, you gather every bit of courage you possess. “Martin- can I ask you something?”

Your heart hammers in your chest. Your thoughts are treason. You don’t care. You’ll pay whatever price the universe demands to know the answer to the question that has been plaguing you for ages. 

Martin glances over at you, runs a strong hand through his hair. He cheats his body towards you, elbow bent as he leans on the bar and says, “um, yeah sure. What is it?”

You barrel ahead before you can change your mind. “I just- would you wanna go out some time? Like, as… as maybe more than friends?”

At first, Martin looks like he might laugh, as if he thinks you’re joking. His cute little dimples come out to play for only a second. Then his expression morphs into disbelief, then something almost like disgust as it dawns on him that you’re completely serious. 

You hate yourself. You hate him. No, you don’t. You just wish you could erase your words, pull them back and keep them locked up deep inside your heart where they belong. You’ve let yourself be vulnerable for the first time in as long as you can remember, and now that decision will haunt you. 

“I’m sorry but I can’t do that,” Martin says, taking a step back, one hand pressed hard to the center of his chest. “Sorry but I- I have to go.”

“What?” Your stomach sinks to your feet. Fuck, you’ve really messed it all up. “Martin, wait, you don’t have to go.” Your hand shoots out for his wrist, but the second your fingers brush his skin, he jerks his arm away like you’ve shocked him. “Martin I’m sorry, just forget I said anything. I’m half drunk and I don’t have a filter.”

Your world crumbles at your feet as Martin shakes his head. He’s like a spooked animal, set to flee thanks to your admission. “I have to go,” he repeats, before turning on his heel and making a beeline for the door. He leaves you at the bar, shellshocked and alone, trying to process what’s just happened.

Why couldn’t you just keep your mouth shut?