#Also I don't think I've mentioned it but his second line? That's a reference to the song I've attached to their relationship

[sysig]

Self-contradictory (Patreon)

[kanmom51]

PJM2 is coming

MUSE

I literally cannot contain my excitiement.

Sitting her, at work may I say, putting these words on paper, so to speak, because f***ing hell, wtf JM?

Where to start?

The colour concepts? The choice of name? Choice of font (That JM popping to eye)? The flower? The links to TTU (notes sheet and flower)? The whole play with Closer than this? The dropped lyrics?

This man is a friggin genius (not that we didn't know this already)...

There is so much to talk about, and he hasn't even started with the promotions, and we haven't even seen the concept photos or the album and the songs. Name, colours, 2 lines of lyrics and we have our hands full already. They certainly know what they are doing.

Before I jump in, I want to, once again, state very loudly and clearly that everything written here are my opinions, which are based on what we've been handed so far, and could change the more we are shown.

So, let's get it...

JM fetching this from the purple locker (which we don't see are purple off the bat and only when the lights turn on). Notes for The Truth Untold.

His wittle thumb with his crescent moon.

The notes title : La lettra - The letter. Hmm... interesting.

And then this:

We have the flower:

and this that makes me believe that yes indeed, it is the silhouette of a Smeralso.

Some of this I am yet to see where is going. like the referencing of "the letter", The truth untold, the flower... (she says, all while thinking of the choice this Festa to stream LY Seoul final with said song and the changes that JM and JK chose to make to it)...

All that and more in one little short clip.

And then we have that little 'chat' opened up by BH, and those lyrics. Oh, those lyrics.

All references that indeed can be connected with army. I mean, that's what JM is king of.

All also a clear reference to a one Jeon Jungkook, if you are only willing to look and see.

Rain

Snow

Crying

We have this:

Which they have BOTH chose to bring up once again in 2023, JK happening to do so during JM's Face promos, not to mention the rain reference in SNTY (and of course, goes without saying Still with you, but that's back in 2020, while they have both managed to bring it up and reference it once again in 2023).

Remember this?

Oh, and what about this?

And then we have these:

Remember JM tearing up after winning MMA for BS&T ?

JM getting emotional and crying only followed by JK tearing up.

*If you haven't seen this one yet, go watch the full live.

And who can forget JK during MOTS ONE as well, seeing JM crying, distress clearly showing on his face, just waiting for the moment he can go and comfort JM.

If these are actual lyrics for a song to come or lyrics that were dropped, one thing we know, and that these words, these lines, they were written by JM, and he made a clear choice to share them with us.

And in doing so, sorry, I'm still not believing this all while sitting here gushing and knowing this was coming (no, I didn't know this specifically was coming, but the feeling that they were going big or going home, that I've had ever since July 2023... took some time and many tribulations, but we are getting there folks). Sidetracked as I always am, lol.

Back on track.... in doing so, JM is basically standing on a rooftop screaming at the top of his lungs:

Not 1, not 2, but 3 JK references in that little shared piece of lyrics clearly written by JM, for an album we are yet to see and hear.

Anyone, and I mean anyone that is a BTS army, that has seen original content, that has followed their Twitter account or seen older tweets, that are open and willing to see it, will KNOW that these lyrics are JAYKAY!!!!!

And let me backtrack a second here...

Cause I did mention that these references could be understood as if they are made for army, right?

So yeah. Army references or JK references? I am going to say both, leaning very much to the JK side of it. Cause that's how they do it. Time after time after time.

Let's mention the colour choices as well.

We have the background colours.

We have the yellow.

And then we have the album concepts.

2 concepts.

Blooming

and Serenade.

Which happens to be Yellow, same colour threaded through Serendipity.

And we even have purple thrown in there too.

Notice how all the lockers are painted purple. The colour of army you may say, but also JK's colour (so again, army and JK?).

And he's pulling out the music sheet from this purple locker.

Those lockers representing his inspiration for his music perhaps?

Giving us these lyrics, then telling us the album is called Muse (or telling us the name of the album and it's meaning and then dropping those lyrics, take your pick regarding the timing, cause basically, same same), showing us the music being extracted from those purple lockers... ya think his muse is that entity he's talking about in those lyrics perhaps (even more so if we see the references as both for army and JK)?

Rhetorical question, btw.

And then we have the mint green.

Perhaps this is what JM was talking about when he told us in his birthday live, if memory serves me right, about going to the starting point, or more so starting from the beginning trying to figure out himself as an artist?

Also, cannot help but think of this image here:

I cannot wait to see his concept photos, and where this is all going.

We talked about JK being so loud during 2023 (well, he's had his super loud moments before that, but 2023 and his lives were smoking). And JM, well it felt (and I say felt, cause it's not really true, and I'll explain why) was quieter, more subdued, especially during JK's Golden promotions.

But here's the thing.

JM and JK have their own special oh so different ways of being loud and showing us themselves (and it shows even more so seeing that JK, for whatever reasons he had for it, did not write his songs for Golden - not saying he did not have influence on the lyrics or choice of songs with lyrics he wanted). JK did it through his choices in his photo shoots and styling for his songs and album. He did it with his lives and his total fanboying over JM. And JM, he does it through his art, which includes also but not only his lyrics.

Those two are both loud as fuck. And JM, well if these sneak lyrics are a promo of more to come (which, they probably are seeing that we have Face to fall back on as an example), then he's as loud as a frigging foghorn.

And last but not least, before I go:

Lookie here...

D-31

[quixtrix]

dolph was always meant to be doomed; something of an analysis

i'm on my third rewatch of captain laserhawk, and on this one i've been focusing more on the little details that you don't get on your first or even second time watching it. i've noticed little things, such as pey'j helping and then going on to shield a hybrid who's dressed similarly to jade in the third episode. but i've also noticed bigger things, such as alex and dolph.

keep in mind that this show is just filled to the brim with political messaging, it was purposefully designed that way. so when someone mentioned on here that alex was an accelerationist, it explained a lot. we don't know much about alex in terms of his backstory, we only know he helped dolph after dolph attempted to mug him and they ended up falling in love. it's also implied that alex and dolph have been repeatedly reported on the news as terrorists more than we've seen, with rayman referring to them as being the usual suspects when the kaiju attack happened, despite dolph literally not even being there when alex did that shit. they're known to do this shit, and we know alex is a charismatic guy. it's not too far fetched to say once or while dolph was falling in love with this gayass white saviour saint that alex talked him into this shit for alex's own purposes. because yes, he has a cause, but he's also a bit in over his head, maybe with power. he's aware of the power he has over dolph, how he actively uses the 'i love you' card multiple times when they're together and when they're not together. he just had a bit too much confidence in his hold over dolph, but to be fair, alex, you were topping some indulgent mob boss for your cause (because let's be honest of course your sources would be tight if they were being fucked for it) then continued fucking said mob boss and got caught with your dick out by your ex who you think you can get back with. alex uses people as tools, he just doesn't put his shit in the right places at the right times.

i'm getting off track, but the point i'm getting to is that alex most definitely saw dolph, a man who clearly has some jacked up eden tech smacked onto his twink ass, at his lowest, and picked him up like a shiny new toy. he was always going to use dolph. but how come dolph is so easy to use? he's starved for kindness. he's the stray dog that comes up to you at restaurants to act all nonchalant because 95% of the time he gets neglected, but the second he gets offered scraps, he shows how hungry he is. we don't know much about his childhood, and what we do know is under the lenses of literal eden propaganda. we do however know how people get like underneath the hand of eden.

everyone say thanks to rayman, who concidentally, is dolph's foil. both of them worked under eden as their lap dogs, one as a propagandist and the other as military, but dolph had gotten out of the hold the propaganda had on him while rayman's barely shaking it off. both of them are also portrayed as poor little tragic immigrants and the impoverished stand ins both in universe and story wise. they're the feel good picking yourself up american dream stories that people can feel inspired by or feel proud about the country with. dolph had a photo with a kid holding a doll of him. before he became ex military, he was definitely the guy they paraded around as a previous lost cause that eden helped. red, who's as political as his assigned colour, bitches about identity politics in that one off line for a reason. he also jus hates brown people fr he kicked me down a flight of stairs

now we can assume that dolph had picked himself up out of the propaganda machine somehow. he realised he was used and he didn't want that shit. he's attempting to get himself his own life, for fucks sake. he jus happened to get lead on by the wrong guy, which then lead him to get used by eden AGAIN. this time not only in a physical way via soldier work, but emotionally too, with sarah easily manipulating him with what? a sob story and helping him out, maybe being friendly with him along the way.

he wants a normal life. he wants a goddamn normal life. he jus continues to be selected as a tool.

you can see how fucking starved he is for kindness. you ever think about the fact that in his dream life, he sees jade and pey'j? he knew these people for less than a week, yet they get a place in his dream life. most notably, jade gets a speaking role in his dream life. the only other person who speaks, besides marcus, is alex, someone who had known him and shown kindness to him. jade has also shown kindness to dolph. she's the friendliest face there in the ghosts, being the first one to check on dolph when he wakes up, offers an explanation to him, and also makes an effort to include him in her little shenanigans with the video and all!! dolph was all emo alpha wolf and all, but despite his constant cold shoulder, she was kind!!

there was someone who was more than kind though; bullfrog. because bullfrog actively looked out for dolph, despite his constant pushback against bullfrogs advice whenever they weren't separated. and in the end, it's bullfrogs kindness and compassion that hits dolph the deepest. dolph gets out of his depressive state to go back for bullfrog. he cares about people, he goes out of his way to do shit for the people who show him the slightest bit of kindness. he backed up sarah after one good conversation with her to marcus for fucks sake. dolph is just a guy who keeps getting used though. he's so loyal to anyone who looks his way that it's a fatal flaw that ends up with his head blown up. he's a shakespearean tragedy at the moment. i hope in the potential season 2 that he gets to have more moments where he gets to be his own person. not defined by an organisation or a person or a cause, but what he chooses to define himself by. he's on his way there. he jus deserves to be allowed to live for himself. after all, he has already met his end of that story. he can make a new one.

anyways if u reached the end of this im down to discuss this :D i also did get a few points from other people on here, but let me know what u think nd all

[casualavocados]

so i've been going down several translation holes while giffing kiseki... finding different sources which have their own translations, etc. then trying to choose the words that fit the meaning of the scene im giffing best.

i just wanna talk about two lines in particular that have made me tilt my head and wonder about nuances, so here we go:

the first line/translation i want to mention is from ep9, and is to do with the meaning and intention of the characters/story. it's when chen yi is confronting ai di after he gets out of prison about the time ai di slept with him four years before. i found three different versions of what ai di cuts him off with:

these all contain insanely different meanings in english. i was losing my mind trying to figure out the subtleties of what ai di was saying here, so i reached out to a very helpful speaker of the language who has made kiseki translation posts before, @nikkotinamide , and they said this about it:

and i just got so excited about that...the nuance! the specifics! referring to it as "settling accounts" is likely where the first translation about "the past" comes from, but the other two are closer to the true meaning. however, if you simply went with the revenge line you would miss the complexities that are being suggested in ai di's character.

thinking of that night as a debt he owes to chen yi and has to pay back... as something to be settled - something he isn't even really asking about but more expects chen yi to follow through on... it makes this line so much more poignant to me because it describes his guilt and heartbreak about what happened between them - about what ai di chose to do - in a much more specific and cutting way. ai di expects anger, rejection, and retaliation from chen yi, and tries goading him into reacting in those ways bc he believes he has done something unforgivable (and also that chen yi doesn't (and will never) love him), so he would rather chen yi push him away than risk being that close again.

(un?)luckily for him chen yi is absolutely smitten with him and doesn't let him get away with it. ♥️

the second translation i want to focus on is in ep12 & has more to do with words that don't translate exactly into english, but i went on a similar bender trying to decipher it:

specifically the translation of the last two characters: "堂口 (táng kǒu)" - the word translated here as "office".

bc outside of youtube i found those characters also translated as "headquarters," "gang," and "hall", which are all, again, wildly different from each other. so my best guess was that it was actually a very specific word that highly depended on the context it was being used in, and that context was being translated generally so that non-speakers in the audience would understand. but i wanted to know what that specific word and context was!

so i reached out to a bestie who did some more digging and she found this:

which IMMEDIATELY made me batshit insane because of course that's what it means; of course it's that specific!!

"office" is too professional for where chen yi lives - it's a car garage; it's their front as an auto shop. but it's also not yiyun's "headquarters" because that's the building with the spa where chen dongyang and his husband operate out of: the true central point of the gang. but because of this other line in episode 3, we know chen yi (and ai di too through association; they're a pair, do not buy separately, etc.) leads a specific division of yiyun gang:

so when chen yi asks ai di in ep12 if he's going to the bar or to "堂口" he's asking if he's coming home to the auto shop: their specific division of the gang, (which we knew all along was what he was talking about in the first place).

(...and this is just me continuing with the meta side of it, not the translations, but i also think this connects to what xiao jie and ai di were both talking about when they brought up chen yi's succession as the leader of yiyun:

because chen yi is currently just a leader of one branch of the gang, and young (25 at the point where cdy retires), so to me it makes sense that older, senior members of the gang - possibly even leaders of other divisions - would want that spot. but chen yi is practically cdy's son so get wrecked guys the gang passes to him. 🥰

and that's also why cdy is urging ai di to just come back and be a member again. bc he raised both chen yi and ai di (they are a pair, do not buy seperately) and because chen yi is gonna need ai di to watch his back as he takes over full responsibility. ...im mad we didn't get to see more inter-gang dynamics. that could have been so COOL let me IN.)

anyway those are the two translation bits that have left the biggest impression on me while i've watched and giffed kiseki so far. i just think language is so fucking neat.

[nolita-fairytale]

make my heart surrender | carmy berzatto x fem!reader | chapter three: thursday

pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader

warnings: lots of swearing, angst, use of she/her pronouns, allusions to sex, eventual smut, no use of y/n, second person pov, mentions of death/mikey's suicide

word count: 3.4k

summary: you and carmy finally find some time to catch up and carmy begins to realize that you're more similar than he thinks.

a/n: thank you to all who are reading, reblogging, and commenting omg. i'm so grateful that someone wanted to read this story. i wrote it in a week because i couldn't get these two out of my head. they were begging to be put on the page. i also have a companion playlist that i'll release when the story is done because i don't want to spoil anything! comment below if you'd like to be added to this story's taglist. i did presumptuously add a few of you i've interacted with, so please let me know if you'd also like to be taken off of it.

read: part two | masterlist

Thursday

You’re grateful that by day three, you’d been able to smooth over some of the tension between you and Carmy. You even looked forward to catching up with him, if the two of you can swing it. Instead of going home early, you had jumped on the line this evening. Ebra was out for the night and Marcus had asked to fly solo on prep so that you could give him some feedback before lunch service tomorrow morning. 

It was an easy decision, to fill in and jump on the line. After all, you had checked your bag on the plane so that you could bring your knife roll with you, just in case. There was something about this kitchen – the energy and the people – that you wanted to stick around for. And it didn’t hurt that you got to spend a little extra time with Carmy. When he was in his element, expediting and leading this kitchen… he was… breathtaking. 

“Damn, nice knife, Jeff” Tina comments, checking out the santoku you’re running through some parsley. She can hear the crisp, clean cuts you're making, which is what caught her attention in the first place.

“Jeff?” you question, shooting her a look. 

“Long story, but trust me. It’s a term of endearment,” Sydney interjects, from her side of the prep station. 

You chuckle, “She’s a beauty alright. My first fully Japanese knife. Though the steel is a bitch to take care of. That’s for sure.”

“What do you mean?” Tina questions further. 

“Well, it’s just a kind of metal alloy that’s super prone to-,” you start, completing your sentence at the same time as Sydney chimes in.

“Rusting,” you both say in unison, sharing a look. 

“Huh,” Tina sounds, suddenly losing interest. “I don’t get it. It’s more work to take care of? Our shit’s part-plastic and does the job just fine.”

“Oh but she’s so smooth,” you playfully swoon, referring to how beautifully the knife performs for you. 

“It’s all about the performance, T,” Sydney adds. 

Tina hums in response, still unconvinced by you and Sydney’s admiration for the fancy tools. 

“So you and Carmy. How’d you meet Jeff?” Tina inquires further geturing her knife towards Carmy’s expediting station, and eliciting another laugh from you and Sydney.

“Uhhhh… we both worked at the same restaurant in New York. I came in to stage and the competitive jerk tried to smoke me. Thought he could show me it was his territory.”

“Like a little bitch,” Tina teases, the shade evident in her voice.

“And you kicked his ass obviously,” Sydney suggests, hopefully. 

“Mhm,” Tina adds in agreement.

“Oh absolutely,” you answer, deviously. “I walked out with a job that night. Carmy and I are the classic kitchen staff case of… enemies turned good friends.” 

You look up from your station, noticing an exchanged look between Sydney and Tina. 

It’s the kind of look that says, Just friends, huh?

“Alright, alright. Enough with the girl talk, gossip girls. News flash: no one gives a shit about fuckin’ Tom Colicchio and Padma Whatserface over here,” Richie interrupts, referring to the you and Carmy, as he passes by with a few empty storage containers on the way to the dishwashing station. 

“Asshole / Fuck off, Richie,” Sydney and Tina shout back at the same time. 

“Hey! Listen up, everyone! Fire two spaghettis, two short ribs, one chicken,” Carmy calls out to the kitchen. You listen attentively, hearing the chorus of the entire kitchen repeat the order back to him, punctuating the order with a ‘heard.’ 

You smile to yourself, as you enjoy the feeling of falling into such a familiar rhythm. 

You’ve missed working in the kitchen, and you’ve missed working in the kitchen with Carmy. This was so different than any of the bullshit you’ve been through together – even when he is arguing or yelling at someone. It’s not some sterile environment that looks more like a science lab or an operation room than it does a kitchen.

No, this place has soul. 

Between the crass kitchen banter, the less than flattering nicknames, and its wild cast of characters, it’s only day three and you feel right at home. Dinner service flies by and you’re eager to check in with Marcus by the end of the shift. Before taking your apron off, you head over to his corner of the kitchen. 

“Hey, how’s everything going, chef?” you ask, curiously. 

“Good, chef,” he answers proudly. “I got the brioche covered and ready to rise overnight and I prepped the cake donuts so we’re ready to roll tomorrow morning. I went with a blueberry cake donut this time around.” 

“Sounds great. I can’t wait to try it, chef,” you reply. “Need anything from me before I head out for the night?”

“Oh no, uh, I’m almost done here,” Marcus answers, inspiring confidence in his ability. “Just workin’ on a curd for the filling, chef. Just like you taught me.”

“Alright,” you chuckle, tickled by how excited he is. “Have a good night, chef.” You pause, wondering if your words will be totally lost on him. “And make sure you get some rest tonight, okay?” 

He responds with a nod, as you leave his station.

You make your way to the locker area, hanging your apron up, and slipping off your kitchen sneakers, before taking a seat on the bench. It looks like most of the kitchen staff got a head start on you and have already left, or are out of their kitchen clothes and ready to head home. There’s a strange feeling in your heart. You haven’t felt this kind of… community… in a professional kitchen in a long time and you try your best to name what it is you’ve felt was missing. 

“Hey,” you hear a voice say, pulling you from your thoughts. 

“Hey,” you say to Carmy. 

He removes his apron, folding it over his forearm. It sits further down his arm, right near his tattooed hand, you notice, as he leans his side against the lockers. 

“Thanks for jumpin’ in… you know… on the line tonight,” he starts his gaze practically piercing through your soul. 

“Yeah, it’s uh, no problem,” you reply, placing your knife roll and kitchen shoes back into your locker. “I had fun.”

“You uh, you still want to go for that drink?” he asks, shyly. 

You smile. 

“Yeah.”

*

“It’s fucked up,” Carmy shakes his head in disbelief. 

“Oh please. What?” you groan, shooting him a look.

“You’ve been in my city for… what three days now and you already have a hookup at one of the hardest to get into bars here,” Carmy replies, eliciting a laugh from you. 

“Oh my god,” you sigh with a playful eye roll. “I’m a New Yorker, asshole. You know that’s how we do it.” 

He shakes his head again, before locking eyes with you, “You were always better at it than me.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry. Are you, Carmen Berzatto, finally admitting that I’m better at something than you? Can you say it again, and I’m just going to-.” you tease, playfully, pulling out your phone as if you’re going to film him saying it. 

“Oh shut up…” he shoots back, gently pushing your phone away from his face. 

“I mean, you could always make friends with anyone. The bodega guy downstairs. The fuckin’ bodega cat. Our favorite butcher? ‘S why we always got the good cuts of meat when we cooked together on our days off.” 

“Which is exactly why I do it,” you point out. 

You had always been so magnetic to him. It’s something that he’s always admired about you – something that always reminded him of Mikey. 

“No, I-, I used to be a regular at this bar when I was working at Gramercy Tavern – actually, I think it closed right before you came to New York. Anyways, found out my favorite bartender moved to Chicago and I sent him a message letting him know I’d be in town. Said he’d get us in even if they were booked up, and,” you gesture towards where the two of you are sitting together, “Et voila!” 

Carmy takes a look around. He hasn’t been in a fine dining establishment since he left New York. It’s as if all the fancy awards and all the dues he’s paid cooking in the best restaurants in the entire world don’t matter anymore. He feels so out of place: the people, the over-the-top cocktails, the overpriced bowls of food called something fancy to justify the high price point. 

“From the kitchen” your bartender had said curtly, a mere few minutes ago. He had placed a few plates in front of the two of you to share that you most certainly didn’t order.

You both had thanked the bartender, before digging into the large bowl of soup, stracciatella, and focaccia bread on the plate. You rip off pieces of bread, dipping them into the salty broth, popping them into your mouth. Carmy’s much more of a gentleman about it, using his spoon to try the soup first. You had only planned on drinking here, but your friend at The Aviary had really come through. You’re sure it doesn’t hurt that you’re here with Carmy, and that these guys definitely know who Carmy is. 

“So…” you start, taking a sip of whatever fizzy strawberry gin thing you’d ordered earlier. “I feel like there are a lot of long stories I’d like to hear.” 

Carmy makes a sound in agreement before taking a sip of his drink. It’s just bourbon on the rocks, and you wonder when he started drinking bourbon like this.

“I mean… we could start here. How the hell are ya?” you ask. 

“I…” he starts, before trailing off. He buries his face in his hands, dragging his fingertips across his forehead. “It’s uh, it’s been a long couple of months. Christ. The restaurant was a goddamn mess, everyone hated my fuckin’ guts. And then Syd showed up and, well, she’s been a big help.” 

You wait a beat before saying, “As much as I want to hear about the restaurant, Carm, I mean how are you doing?”

Your words stop him, and he looks up at you with those baby blue eyes. He takes his time thinking about it, shrugging before muttering something along the lines of, “I’m okay, I guess.”

He’s searching for the right words to explain how the hell he’s even supposed to answer that question.

“I don’t know. Guess I thought if I fixed the restaurant, if I could fix it-. Maybe I could fix him,” he drags out. 

He waits a few beats before finally admitting:

“I miss him. Mikey. And I found out all kinds of shit about him that I-, well, shit I didn’t know. I think-, I think it’s why he kept me away. Why he shut me out.”

You listen as he begins to fill you in: about Mikey, the drugs, the debt he inherited that he now owes to Cicero, how hard it was to win over the kitchen staff that, come hell or high water, weren’t interested in changing their ways. And then he tells you about the meetings he's been going to -- the al-anon meetings. And you begin to understand. While he’s the same old Carmy, this isn’t the exact same Carmy that you knew in New York. The Carmy you knew in New York never would’ve gone to those meetings. He would’ve brushed it off and pretended there wasn’t a problem and taken as much punishment as he could in the kitchen instead of dealing with what he was feeling.

Mikey’s death, and coming home, and this restaurant, it’s all changed him. 

And maybe, just maybe, it’s part of the reason why, after months of no contact, he reached out to you now, but he’s not sure if he should tell you that yet.

You’ve got to give it to him. If anything, he’s exceptionally talented at cutting people out of his life. It’s his M.O – the only thing that’s been consistent in his life – even when those people didn’t deserve it. It’s what he knows to do. It’s something he’s learned… from Mikey, from his dad… 

But this… what he’s telling you, these are stories of connection and community. 

“And Syd’s really helped me pull this shit together. She's kinda like... the glue, y'know? I- I don’t know where we’d be without her,” Carmy concludes.

You agree. Syd is brilliant. You can see just from having been in that kitchen that she’s been the biggest catalyst for the changes — even his.

“I know you only asked me to come for pastry but I’m glad you let me jump in on the line tonight,” you say. “It’s cool to see what you’re doing now and… I don’t know. I know it was a rocky start, but you’ve got something here. Something that could be really, really good, Carm. You’re making real fucking food. Like your mom’s chicken. I haven’t forgotten about that.” 

“How can you remember that?” Carmy asks, a little surprised, his eyes lighting up. He’d almost forgotten that he’d once made it for you while you were both still in New York.

You nod, “Best chicken piccata I’ve had in my life.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Hands down.”

“You know,” you start, a mischievous tone in your voice. “If I recall correctly, you made me some pretty bomb meals back in New York. And didn’t I say something along the lines of you really shining when-?”

“Oh no,” he groans. “Not this again.”

“I’m just saying!” you justify, innocently. “When you cook the food you grew up with, Carm, you’re at your very best. And don’t get me wrong. You’re an exceptional chef, regardless of what you do but-.”

“So what? You’re gonna say ‘I told you so?’” he questions, shooting you a look. 

You shrug, playfully, “I can’t help it if I’m right all the time,” earning an eye roll from him. 

“Especially when it comes to you.”

He’s quiet for a moment, because you do know him. You’ve seen sides of him he’s barely let anyone else see. It feels good and terrifying all at once to be seen this clearly.

“Yeah, well, you always were a little more Mozza than French Laundry, huh?” he shoots back, referencing your difference in preference. While Mozza was more family style, The French Laundry, a restaurant Carmy had worked at once upon a time, was anything but. 

“Yeah. Who knew one day we’d switch places?” you reply, a sadness in your voice. Were you… envious of what Carmy had? Was this what you were looking for?

“So uh, you gonna tell me what the hell happened with the restaurant?” Carmy asked, changing the subject – changing the subject to you. 

You sigh, you raise your drink to your lips, finishing the rest of what’s in the glass in one go. 

“That bad, huh?”

“No!” you’re quick to reply. “Well, yes. But no. But yeah….” 

Carmy flags the bartender down, ordering another round for the two of you. 

You’re not even sure where to begin in regards to the existential crisis of sorts that you’ve been having, so you just tell him what happened. 

“I was juicing blood oranges one day. And-, you know we were going to take the juice and do all that fancy gastronomy shit with it… turn it into like, the same consistency of ‘dew in the early morning’…” you began to explain, quoting what your head pastry chef had said that day.  

“And I’m sitting there thinking… what the hell am I doing? I mean, who eats food like this?! Who wants to eat a drop of blood orange juice that’s been turned into the consistency of dew in the early mornings? Like, why the fuck can’t I just make the best blood orange olive oil cake anyone’s ever had, and that be enough, you know?”

“And. I don’t know. It got me thinking a lot about the kind of food I want to make, and what that would mean, and what does any of this shit even mean? Fast forward to a week later, and I don’t feel like I have a fuckin’ clue about what I want to do with my life and I’m quitting the restaurant.”

You pause, noticing that he’s just been listening attentively this whole time.

“I’m tired, Carm,” you admit. “I mean. I’m burnt the hell out. I just. I don’t want to work this hard for something that- something that I’m not even sure I believe in anymore.”

Another beat. 

“I know it sounds totally insane but-.”

“No! No, it doesn’t,” Carmy interrupts, quick to reassure you, as he reaches for your hand. Your eyes flicker from his hand on yours, the small tattoo above his wrist, then back to him, feeling the loss of body heat as he pulls his hand back only a moment later. 

“I feel like I’ve been thinkin’ about a lot of the same shit,” he admits, empathizing with you. 

“I just feel… kind of lost,” you say, and it’s the first time you’ve said it out loud. “I do. I-, I’ve been feeling really lost lately.”

In all the time he’s known you, never could he have expected you to feel lost. He wondered if he’d just put you on a pedestal. You had always been this stunningly charismatic, charming person that could walk into any room and in minutes, have everyone wrapped around your finger. For so long he denied any feelings for you because he knew you were unattainable – that someone like you could ever want someone like him felt impossible. Wouldn’t you be better off with one of those Wall Street assholes that came into the restaurant all the time – wining and dining their clients with their expensive wristwatches and fancy town cars?

But hearing you say it – that you feel lost – it reminds him that you’re only human too. 

He waits another beat, guilt filling up his throat, before he speaks again. 

“I should’ve been there for you. I’m sorry.”

There’s an earnestness in his voice that makes you want to trust him. Sure, it seems like he’s been apologizing to you for three days straight, but you want to listen. 

You take another sip of your drink. 

“I started volunteering at a Brooklyn community garden so I could like, pull my head out of my ass,” you share with him. 

“Did it help?”

You shrug, “Yeah, a little bit.”

It helped, but it hadn’t fixed anything. You feel like you can confide in him, especially since he told you that he was going to meetings.

“My therapist actually encouraged me to come here,” you confess, gauging his reaction as the words flow from your mouth. “Get out of dodge. Get a change of scenery… give myself some time to think.”

“We both know you do a little too much of that,” he teases gently, and you chuckle. 

Between Carmy’s avoidance, and your neuroses, you’re quite the pairing. 

“Yeah.”

Carmy pauses, not sure if he has the words to give you the explanation you deserve, but he’s going to try. 

“I had… a lot goin’ on. When I got back. And I didn’t know….” He pauses before continuing. “I didn’t know how to do it all at once. How to handle, you know… everything at the same time.”

And it’s just easier to avoid everything – to avoid you, to avoid the way I feel about you, he thinks to himself.

And it’s exactly what he did, he pushed you away, and pushed any and all feelings or thoughts about you into a dark hole, never to be acknowledged ever again. 

Until you quit your job. Until his phone call with Tim. Until his phone call with you. 

“I know, Carm. I know you’re sorry and I appreciate the apology,” you start, taking a breath. “It’s just that-.  I need you to know...” 

You pause, suddenly feeling like you’re in the middle of an anxiety dream where you realize you’re not wearing any pants.

“I need you to know that it hurt. It… it really hurt. Not hearing from you. Being cut out like that.”

“I know,” he admits, remorsefully. “I’m gonna be better. At least I’m trying to be.” 

“I really want to believe that,” you say, softly. 

But I don’t want to get hurt again, you think to yourself.

He looks at you, a soft, shy smile on his face, and it makes you want to take a chance on him. 

Who are you kidding? You’d jump off of a bridge with him if he asked, even if it meant getting hurt all over again.

“Okay?” he asks, hopefully. 

You’re not sure if he’s asking if it’s okay, if you’re okay, if everything is okay between the two of you, and you wonder if he means all three.

“Okay,” you answer, quietly. 

“Okay.”

read: part four

taglist: @lazypeachsoul @bookwormvoyageuse @allthefandomstogether

[all-you-need-is-paul-mccartney]

James (Paul McCartney x Fem!Reader)

A/N: Hello! I've decided I have to make a chapter fic for Paulie because I'm in love with him. There are gonna be at LEAST 6 chapters in this fic, so there will be plenty more coming! Stick around, like and comment, and let me know if you want to be tagged when I release more chapters of this!

I want to personally thank my editor @strawb3rri-le for helping me make these ideas come into fruition. Literally cannot do this without you <3

Summary: Paul meets a pretty girl in the library one day, and is elated to find out she is oblivious to who he actually is.

This fic is written in third person from Paul's perspective, which is kind of different to how I normally write my x readers, so it might be a little jarring to read at first, but I just wanted to try something a little different :)

WARNINGS: I'm not certain I wrote any curse words in this one, but I'll say there is just to be on the safer side. Mentions of mushrooms/ fungi; not drug-related, but I figured I'd add that because some people don't like them. I use Y/n like 4 times in here around the end it drives me nuts, but it has to happen. I don't think there's much else.

This one is pretty safe, if I could rate it lower I would, but I'll mark it at T just to be on the safe side.

Paul could have watched the heavy raindrops hit the window pane for hours and hours. the grey clouds drifting in the sky above brought nothing but heavy showers to the streets of London that dark afternoon...

But that's not what he came to the library for.

He came here for some peace and quiet.

He wanted to get some more songwriting done, but the apartment didn't seem to be the place for it that day, and everywhere else just appeared to be crawling with girls. As much as Paul liked girls, he didn't want to be noticed, because then his day would have simply consisted of him trying to escape the hoards that would have started chasing after him.

The library felt like it made the most sense. People were there to read, study, keep to themselves; not to socialize with others and be loud. As long as he found a little private area to sit, he knew he wouldn't be bothered at all. He also figured, if he couldn't come up with any song ideas, he had tens of thousands of books to refer to for inspiration.

And that was the situation Paul was in at that moment. He'd been sitting in his little study nook for a while now, just staring blankly at his notebook, or out the window next to him. Usually the words came flowing from his mind, translated by his hand and onto the paper, yet that particular day, nothing seemed to be inspiring him.

He rose to his feet after a while, notebook shoved under his arm as he wandered off into one of the aisles nearest to him. He wasn't looking for any book in particular. Sometimes he'd just pull one off the shelf, flip to a random page, and read a random sentence in the middle of the text. If it seemed to be interesting enough to inspire even a single line in a song, Paul would use it. If not, off to the next book.

He began to do just that, with older books with worn spines, and newer books with colourful covers. Unfortunately, even after the fourth or fifth book he pulled from the aisle he was in, no inspiration seemed to manifest from what he was reading. He sighed as he pushed the book he was holding back into its place on the shelf before he made his way to the next aisle over.

Paul began repeating what he was doing before, reaching for a book, and flipping through the pages. This particular book, he cut three separate times, and not one sentence seemed to draw any kind of innovation for his songwriting.

Once again, Paul shoved the book back onto the shelf. As he stared ahead at all of the different pieces of literature before him, one book in particular seemed to catch his eye. It was green, with gold accents on the bevelling as well as the raised parts of the spine. Without a second thought, he reached up for it, only for his fingers to come into contact with someone else's.

Paul drew his hand back and glanced to his right, where a young woman about his age stood. He held his breath, fully expecting an overreaction from her at his presence.

Instead, she smiled awkwardly at him, her hand also drawn back close to her.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were after that one," she explained gently, and Paul blinked, raising a confused eyebrow before looking back to that specific book. After a moment, he pulled it down off the shelf and examined the cover, the golden text embossed into the front cover reading 'Europe's Most Common Mushrooms, and Fungi: A Field Guide'.

"Do you like learning about Mycology as well?" She asked curiously, and Paul's gaze shot up to her face, eyes squinting a little at her question.

He was half confused on what she was honestly asking him, but he was also kind of surprised she wasn't pointing and shouting at the fact that she found a Beatle in public.

"... Mycology?" He asked back sheepishly, and her awkward smile warmed up a little at his question. She pointed at the book cover before responding with another question. "You know, the study of mushrooms, and fungi?"

Paul's eyes dropped back down to the book before cracking it open and flipping to a random page as he was doing with all the others. A beautifully illustrated picture of a mushroom with a porous underside presented itself to the young man, and his eyebrows furrowed at the image.

"That is a Boletus Edulis," she explained quietly to him. "It's a tasty gourmet mushroom found in Europe, as well as in North America."

Paul looked back up to her briefly before returning to the book and flipping to another page, a red capped mushroom with white spots being the next image to catch his eye.

"Ooh, and that one there is an Amanita Muscaria, also known as the Fly Agaric. It received its name back in the day because grinding it up and putting it in window sills and doorways would repel flies from entering your home."

"... You sure know your mushrooms, huh?" Paul asked carefully, rather impressed with the few bits of information provided to him by this stranger.

"It's definitely a good hobby to get into. Nothing beats going out onto the trail and foraging them for dinner." She paused briefly before adding, "I mean... the boletes are fine, but perhaps not the amanitas." 

Paul closed the book up again before taking a final glance at the front cover.

"I'm uh... sort of grabbing books at random, looking for something inspiring. There needn't be a reason to hang onto this if you need it," Paul explained, presenting it to her so she could take it, and her fingers accidentally brushed against his once again as she took it from him.

The graze was so gentle, yet Paul felt his cheeks warm up at the contact. She was awfully pretty, he decided to himself in silence as he watched the look of joy on her face appear when she flipped the book open herself. She stopped on a page containing a drawing of a white mushroom dripping black ink at its edges.

Paul couldn't help but double take the image. To think there was so much about the world he didn't know a thing about... it made him feel so small, and insignificant.

She must have noticed his gaze on the page, and figured she'd teach him about one more specimen. "These ones," she began, with a rather excited exhale, turning the book Paul's way so he could see, "are Shaggy Mane mushrooms. They are edible and good, as long as you haven't consumed alcohol for a few days prior to, and post consumption. Then they'd be quite toxic."

She smiled at the tidbit and looked up to Paul's face, nose crinkling a little. "Isn't that just the neatest thing?"

Paul couldn't believe what he was hearing. He never really thought about mushrooms before. Sure, he'd seen brown and white ones before in the grass, or growing on trees, but there was something about the way she relayed the information with such passion, that just made it so interesting to him. It was unlike anything he ever experienced before.

"... You have a very natural way of describing this sort of stuff," Paul expressed, nodding his head to her positively. "I honestly never realized there were so many different ones."

"Oh, what I've told you doesn't even scratch the surface of the world of Mycology," she explained, the smile only growing on her face, and Paul couldn't help but smile back at her.

"... I should really leave to let you continue on with what you were doing," she said after a moment. "I do appreciate you listening to my ramblings. I know I can sometimes get carried away with this sort of stuff," her smile fell away a little. "Not many really care about fungi, so it's nice to talk about my interests with someone who's willing to listen."

Paul's own smile began to falter, rather upset that such a pleasant conversation, with such a pleasant person, had to end so soon. He hadn't encountered such a normal discussion in so long. Not that a conversation about mushrooms and fungi was normal, but Paul felt it was just so refreshing talking about anything but him and his fame.

"... well, I rather enjoyed what you had to say," he admitted lightly, an undeniable blush flourishing from the woman's cheeks as she appeared to smile again, a little brighter than before.

"Well... thank you, again. You're very kind," she repeated, waving her hand kindly as she turned on her heel and wandered off to the next aisle.

Paul's eyes watched her round the corner, and he stood there in disbelief. There was so much for him to unpack in his thoughts in that very moment.

She had to have been one of the prettiest girls he'd ever seen; minding her own business in a library by herself, and doing something she really enjoyed. Her intelligence on the subject showed through her excited rambling, which Paul could have listened to for much, much longer.

Her voice was so pleasant, happiness apparent in her words as she described every species effortlessly, as if she'd known it all since the day she was born. It left him wanting to hear more from her.

But the cherry on top of all of this, was that she didn't even acknowledge Paul as anything but another human being. Not some big musician with whom she obsessed over just because of his looks. For someone who remained so calm, and pleasant in conversation, Paul was certain she had no clue who he actually was.

And he loved that.

As much as fame brought excitement to his existence, Paul couldn't deny that the concept of a simple, normal life with someone who loved him for him, and not his popularity to the public, was something he seemed to yearn for more often as of late.

He loved the idea of being a nobody, especially to someone he wanted to be somebody to.

He looked over his shoulder to the empty space where that green and gold book once sat, deciding to reach for the one sitting next to it. It happened to be another book on mushrooms and fungi, but it had a lot more words in it than images. He flipped to the middle of the book and read the fist word he saw.

Symbiosis.

He felt dumb staring at the word. He knew there was only one person he could ask to inquire about what it meant. He glanced up through the bookshelves, eyes searching through the gaps of the works to find her.

She only happened to be in the next aisle over, scanning the book titles off the spines above her head carefully, too in her own world to notice Paul's obvious staring through the shelving units. She pulled a book down and read the summary on the back, Paul watching her eyelashes flit lower and lower as she absorbed the words like a sponge in water.

He noticed that as she read, her lips gently mouthed each word, and he soon found himself stuck in a trance. He observed how her tongue poked out between her teeth to mouth words with the letter L, and how her lips would press tightly together as she read words containing B, and M.

Who would have thought, Paul wondered, something so small could be so hypnotizing?

She made a small face of approval to the book before stacking it on top of the green one she was given by him, and she headed over to an empty table in the corner of the room. She faced towards the shelves, back to the wall so she could see the whole library from her spot.

Despite this, as soon as she made herself comfortable, she was solely focussed on the books, and her dominant hand wrote out her notes almost romantically, notebook pages filling effortlessly with information that brought her joy.

Paul was absolutely mesmerized by her movements. Screw the rain, he could have watched her for hours. He couldn't get over the little flick of her wrist when she ended a point, or the wonderful silent motion of her lips reading out the words.

She drove him mad in the best kind of way.

She flipped to the next page in her notebook, and Paul came back down to earth, realizing then just how creepy he must have appeared, standing close to the shelf, and peering through to the other side to watch the woman simply minding her own business from afar.

His shoes felt like they were filled with cement, but he worked up enough courage to slowly move towards her table, opting to stand by a nearby shelf and stare blankly at the spines as to not look so awkward.

What would I even say to her? was the only thought at the forefront of Paul's mind, the black mushroom book still in his hand, one of his fingers wedged between the pages to mark where that silly word was. He knew he was going to ask her about it, but he needed to smoothly segue into it, somehow.

This situation was rather a bother to Paul. He felt conflicted as to why he seemed so nervous about approaching her. He was a flirt, and he loved making girls feel giddy, why would this stranger be any different?

He was close enough that he could have called for her attention, but her focus was faithfully undivided, completely oblivious to Paul standing only fifteen feet away from her, trying to muster up the nerve to say something, anything.

After talking to her for only a minute and a half, and having parted ways for not even five more, Paul found himself deprived of her voice, longing to hear anything roll off her tongue, as long as it were to him. He was pining to have her attention so badly, but standing and admiring her from only a couple of steps away was only going to get him so far.

His palms were sweaty, and he wiped them on his pants haphazardly as he took a deep breath. He took one more second to nod his head positively for motivation, and he stepped out into the open, facing her completely. His heart pounded in his chest, but he pushed himself to take one more step forward. And that happened to be enough for her to notice.

The stranger raised her gaze up to Paul, the look of neutral concentration on her face softening into a pleasant smile.

Just that made Paul weak in the knees.

"Find anything inspiring yet?" She asked him in a friendly tone, eyeing the book in his hand as his thoughts flatlined. He didn't expect her to speak first. On the one hand, he was relieved that it indicated she was okay with talking to him, but on the other, it put him off-script, and now he had to actually use his brain to initiate discussion.

"I uh..." he struggled for a moment, glancing down at the book in his hand, as well.

"If I'm going to be quite honest... you talking about mushrooms so passionately was pretty inspiring. It's all I can think about."

The woman's eyebrows arched in surprise, a gentle dusting of pink spreading over her nose as she took in his words. She toyed her bottom lip between her teeth, and Paul couldn't help but drop his gaze for just a second to admire her mouth.

"You know, I'm really flattered that you said that," she expressed gently. "That means a great deal to me. Thank you."

Paul couldn't even feel his legs now, basking in her praise, as a flower would to the rays of sun on a warm spring day.

"... I couldn't help but grab another book like the one you're reading," he explained, lifting it up to show her, and the apples of her cheeks rounded as she smiled even wider. Paul hadn't ever recalled seeing such a beautiful face before.

"I... I saw a word I don't know. I think you're the only person who can help me." The confession made Paul feel a little self-conscious; he didn't want to seem entirely stupid in front of her, but she really didn't seem the type to make fun of him over something like this, and really damage his ego.

Without a word, she pulled the chair out next to her as a silent indication for Paul to take a seat, and he took the offer graciously. He set his notebook down onto the table, and then opened the book to where his finger marked the page cut. She leaned in a little to peer down at the text, and he pointed to the word, realizing only seconds after just how close she was to him. He could smell the faintness of her body wash, and it made his head swirl.

"... This one." He mumbled, watching her in his peripheral as she read the sentence in her head, and physically mouthing the words as her eyes tracked each letter.

"Ah, symbiosis. It basically means two different organisms are benefitting off each other in some way or another. We would be a good example of this, right now," she offered, tilting her head up to look at Paul, who's ears burned hot at the eye contact, but he kept strong and held it for as long as she wanted to look at him.

"You're keeping me pleasant company, and in return, I'm helping you learn about fungi." He thought her point was going to end there, but she quickly added on, "from a natural standpoint, fungi and trees have a symbiotic relationship. If it weren't for the millions of miles of fungal network underground, connecting all the living organisms together, plants wouldn't be able to communicate to each other, or convert their energy from one to the other to achieve optimal growth."

"So... everything would die without fungi?" Paul asked slowly.

"I believe so," she nodded her head. "They play a role in every step of a plant's life. Take a tree, for example."

She slid the green and gold book over to sit between them, and she flipped through the first few pages until she found a diagram of a tree's life cycle, pointing to the images as she rambled on.

"Fungi help them establish strong roots when they're young. Some fungi actually provide nutrients in the soil for the trees to use as energy to grow tall and strong."

She turned her gaze back to Paul. "Even at the end, if a mother tree is dying, she will begin to use the fungal networks below to disperse her energy to her kin, sacrificing herself so they can grow, instead. They use the networks underground to communicate in their own special way."

The young man appeared to be in a dream-like state, head in his palm as he looked on in favour of her words. But when he noticed she stopped speaking after a while, he blinked, finding she was smiling a little awkwardly again, as if she'd asked him a question.

"Hm?" He asked, propped hand dropping to the table. He felt rather guilty his attention diverted.

"... I'm boring you, aren't I?" There was a hint of sadness in her words, a weak smile at her lips, and Paul shook his head quickly.

"No, no! Believe me, I'm listening." He thought for a beat, face going warm again as he confessed, "I just... I really love the sound of your voice. You have a way with words, and I did get a little distracted by that." The young woman's face fell expressionless, and Paul continued.

"I may be rather daft on the subject, but there's just something in the way you talk about it that makes learning about it so much more enjoyable. Please, don't stop talking."

She opened her mouth to say something, but she shut it as she pondered what to respond to Paul with. Her face was flushed, and she was holding back a grin, which ultimately made Paul a little confident considering he was the one that made her flustered.

"... You probably say that to all of the girls you talk to," she finally replied, eyes casting down to the books to hide her blush, and he couldn't help but bite back a smile of his own.

"Well, none of the other girls I know are quite like you," he stated with poise, eyes still locked in on her, hands clasping together as he noticed her blush deepen, and a smile finally breaking through.

Paul then attempted to downplay such a strong interaction. Despite talking to her the way he wanted to, he didn't want her to be uncomfortable with how forward he felt he was being.

"What does your boyfriend think about your hobbies?" He asked. "He must be so proud, and fascinated by how passionate you are about all of this stuff, surely."

She looked back up to Paul, her smile weakening a little. "Boyfriend? Oh I uh..." she cleared her throat. "I don't... I don't have one of those."

Paul's eyebrows lowered a little. "... As in you just got out of a relationship?" He tried to clarify, to which she shook her head.

"As in I've never really... had one." She had a sheepish look on her face, cheeks now red out of embarrassment rather than flattery. Her response sent Paul's eyebrows shooting up in surprise, to say the least.

"... Never?" He repeated in disbelief. She pressed her lips together in a line tightly, shaking her head once again.

"This," she gestured to the books with her hand, "is my life. It has been my life since my early teenage years. Mushrooms and fungi are... strange, and because I like them, I guess that makes me kind of strange, as well."

Her self-dejecting statement made Paul feel bad. In his mind, someone like her not being taken, though washing the feeling of relief throughout him, didn't add up at all. Not even her fascination in mushrooms made her odd, in his eyes.

"... If it means anything to you, I think you're just absolutely lovely," he said, watching as her lip pressed into a little pout as she regarded his words.

"I'm telling you... every guy out there has no idea what they're missing out on."

Paul desperately wished he could read minds; especially hers. She didn't speak, and Paul assumed that the was simply trying to grasp for some words to say. If he were in her position, he wouldn't have known what to say, either.

"For once in my life, someone has actually made me speechless," she confessed, huffing a sigh as she rubbed one of her cheeks, as if that would have made her blush disappear.

"I want to tell you thank you, but that doesn't feel like nearly enough," she explained. "Honestly, your girlfriend is very lucky to have such a charming boyfriend. You have a way with words, yourself." Her comment made Paul laugh, but only once. Inside his chest, his heart was doing somersaults, but he was trying his hardest to keep his composure.

"What girlfriend?"

The woman gasped at his response. "You lie," she accused, yet Paul knew it was all in good nature by the smile on her face. "Even if you were, with a face like that, there's no way you don't have girls chasing after you all the time."

How the tables have turned, Paul thought; a little excited he found himself in the same spot as her only moments after he made the same mistake. Part of him wanted to respond to her with something witty, like "who says I don't?", but the other part of him didn't want that to arouse any questions that would segue into a conversation regarding his job.

He couldn't risk having her know everything, and fall for the idea of him.

"I guess I just... haven't found the right bird yet." He figured that was another truth he could hold by without entirely lying to this poor woman.

"That's fair. Well, whoever has the pleasure of ending up with you is a very lucky woman, indeed." Paul's cheeks darkened again, the compliment making his fingers feel a little numb. He noticed her eyes drifting to the window above his head before she suddenly closed her books shut.

"The rain's stopped. This has been a rather lovely conversation, but I do apologize. I must be leaving now."

Paul felt his stomach drop, and his mouth fell agape, watching worriedly as she gathered her belongings and rose to her feet.

"What-- you're leaving? Right now?"

He felt the same way he did back in the aisle when she cut the conversation short, full of disappointment that it all had to come to an end again.

"I was on my way to my parents' house before the rain started," she explained with a lopsided smile. "I'm helping my mother prepare for dinner tonight, but the rain was so bad, I figured I'd spend some time in here while I waited for it to die down. And I'm very glad I made that decision."

Paul nodded his head, realizing the last part of what she said alluded to making his acquaintance. He also found he couldn't be upset at such a wonderful gesture of kindness, her going to her parents'. "That is very sweet of you to do that for her," he said gently, standing up as well before she disappeared again.

"Before you go," he started, feeling hot beneath the collar as he tried to gather a little bit more courage to speak, her expecting eyes on him making him rather anxious.

"I would like to keep in contact with you," he paused briefly, "only if you want. I just... I've had a really pleasant time talking with you, and learning about your interests, and I would very much like to do all of this again."

Her cheeks rounded out again as her smile widened a little more-- Paul couldn't get over that damned smile of hers.

"You know... I would like that a lot," she finally answered, glancing down at her notebook before flipping to the last page and ripping it out. She folded it in half, and then tore it at the line, handing Paul one of the halves while she began writing on the other one. Paul watched with a pounding heart as she scratched out her phone number, and he began to do the same.

When they exchanged the papers, Paul examined the number she provided him, and then read the name she printed above it, a smiley face drawn next to it. he tried his best to concealing his excitement within.

"Y/n..." he mumbled thoughtfully, eyes casting back up to look at her. She laughed a little as she flipped the paper in her hand to show Paul, which only contained his phone number.

"That's me, but what am I to call you, exactly?"

This is where Paul found himself in another dilemma. He wanted her to call him Paul, but he also didn't want her putting two and two together if she recognized his name. He didn't want to entirely lie to her, either.

That's when a light bulb went off in his head. He realized the greatest loophole, and solution was staring him right in the face.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Paul reached for the paper again, scribbling his name at the top. But he wasn't using 'Paul'; he decided he was going to use his real first name.

"You can call me James," he explained, handing the paper back to her. She surveyed the name at the top of the paper before looking back up to him.

"Finally, a name to a face," she hummed in content. She then offered a hand out to Paul, to which he took so they could shake and say their farewells.

"It was an absolute pleasure meeting you, James."

It was the first time in a very long time Paul had been called that by anyone. He figured he would have hated the sound of it leaving her lips, but instead, it made his heart flutter. His face felt hot again, and it was apparent y/n could see the flush of his skin, because she smirked a little.

"The pleasure is all mine, Y/n. Please be safe." He finally let go of her hand, waving good bye as she did so as well, turning on her heel once again, and heading to the counter with her books to sign them out.

She slid Paul's phone number into her notebook as she walked away, and Paul just stood there for another moment as he watched her leave. He was was still feeling so many emotions now that he was alone, unable to help himself reaching back down to the piece of paper she gave him. He ran his fingers over her name and smiled a little to himself.

"Y/n..." her name was like a breath of fresh air to him. When he looked back up to catch one more glimpse of her, she was already gone. It made him feel a little empty, but when he noticed she left the black mushroom book for him, he felt just a little warmer inside.

Paul reached for the book, sliding her number into the pages, and deciding he was going to sign it out and try to learn a little on the subject. If they ever planned to meet in the future, he could try and impress her with some of the information he learned.

He didn't end up getting what he was looking for at the library, but he felt he was leaving with something he needed.

-----------------------------------------------------------

A/A/N: Okay, I hope yous enjoyed that! Part 2 will happen as long as I have people requesting it. I have ideas, I'm just missing supporters<3

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[kerizaret]

Hello everyone and welcome once again to my brain! Today I want to ramble a bit about

✨️ Tsukasa and Rakunosuke (Emu's grandpa) parallels ✨️

Because I feel like we don't talk about them much. Or at all actually

Now, I'm not pulling this out of nowhere. It's quite literally stated at least once, outright, in the game, that Tsukasa is really similar to Emu's grandpa (or even twice – but the other time I'm unsure 100% whether its about Tsukasa specifically, which I'll get to later). That's not to mention the other little things throughout the stories that I think similar between the two

So here's just some thoughts I've had on the topic after rewatching some events, more or less cohesive

1) Tsukasa's PXL auditon & WMS speech

Starting at the very beginning, we've known ever since the wxs main story that there's something in Tsukasa that has drawn Emu in to him already the first time she's ever saw him, at his audition for PXL, which made her hire him herself. She says "found you" at that moment, as if she's been searching for someone exactly like him. Out of all the possible candidates who applied who she might've seen, why Tsukasa specifically?

It could be just about him boasting about making fantastic shows, which of course is a part of it. But I feel like this isn't all, that there was something else that she noticed, that maybe she didn't fully realise at that moment

Then later, in Wonder Magical Showtime, after Tsukasa's motivational speech, Emu specifically thinks back to that audition and how she felt something special there. And, most importantly, she thinks it as if she's talking to her grandpa – like he's somehow tied to it, to her realisation that Tsukasa is the one

Putting aside the fact they were fighting for Rakunosuke's park, which obviously makes Emu think back to him, there's something more. Emu doesn't think anything of the sort about Rui, even though he was the one who came up with the night show, or about Nene. Nor did she mention any kind of this strong feeling/conviction about having them on the Wonder Stage in the main story

She's focused on Tsukasa, because he's the one that brought all these people together and gave them the last push they needed to fight for PXL. He's the one they listen to, he who understands what this park was all about and why they need to save it. He's standing on the stage her grandpa built, looking at all those people working here, and he's leading them, telling them this dream CAN be made a reality and it's more important than anything else

And I feel like she could have looked at that and been reminded of her grandpa a bit, with how much he loved the park he built and brought people together with the same ideals and love and made dreams come true

2) Miles

Speaking of WMS, I'm sure we all remember Miles, the sorcerer Tsukasa played in the night show in WMS, and how he was a character very clearly based on Rakunosuke. It's not very surprising it's Tsks who got this role, but it's still interesting to me. It feels like no-one else would've been able to get this character right and neither would Emu as Shao with someone else playing Miles

I won't get into what "Miles" Tsukasa says in the play, because that's just the script and not a representation of Tsukasa himself, but I do want to draw attention to the specific scene where Emu's father is watching the night show and looks at Tsukasa, then says this:

This is the first time that – i suspect – Tsukasa is outright "stated" to be like Rakunosuke. Here I say "suspected" since I'm not 100% sure of it for two reasons. One of them being that as we know, the ensekai translation is sometimes often bad. For that I looked up the original text as well as an old translation of the event on YT to check for differences

The line ends up being similar in meaning, more or less, but a bit more vague. That also ties to my second doubt though, which is that Emu's father might be referring not to Tsukasa himself, per se, but rather to the character of Miles he's playing

I feel like both can make sense, in their own way (and the event is a Tsukasa focus for a reason, too), but for here I'm throwing it more as a hint than any kind of outright proof. Food for thought

3) Tsukasa and Rakunosuke's deams

Then, as we reach Popping in my Heart! and learn more of Rakunosuke from Riley's pov, there's another interesting thing that pops up. That is, the fact that Tsukasa and Rakunosuke share the same dream

And then, that's when Emu confirms what I've talked about before – that this whole time, she's felt something about Tsukasa being so reminding of her Grandpa

So Tsukasa has all this time "carried the same spirit" as Rakunosuke – which is possibly the reason why Emu has been feeling strangely drawn to him from the beginning

4) The Wonderland SEKAI

Hey. Hey. Remember this line?

(tl by tsukasa's #3 fan on YT)

Yeah, this one. The same reason why wxs even has "Wonderlands" in their troupe name

You know what else has Wonderland in its name?

That's right! Tsukasa's SEKAI!

Tsukasa's SEKAI. A different world that's created from his feelings, that's a place born from his desire to make everyone smile with his shows. A world that just recently expanded to include plushies representing all those different shows – different worlds – wxs created as a troupe. It's a world that Tsukasa, in a way, made by himself (albeit unconsciously)

Oh did I mention the Wonderland SEKAI is also, primarily, pre-wl, a theme park? With a big ass ferris wheel and several stages and a castle and a train and a merry-go-round, a rollercoaster and more? You know, kind of just like Phoenix Wonderland? Which was built by Emu's grandpa?

Do you ever think about that? That both Tsukasa and Rakunosuke "made" their own "Wonderlands"? That the SEKAI is so similar to PXL? Because I do

Anyway. Those were the main similarities or references I noticed, but I still have some few other miscellaneous thoughts i had aside from that that I'll sum up a bit quicker

Tsukasa and Emu's grandpa both care more about the shows (& pxl) themselves and the effect they have on people to make them smile than any kind of fame or recognition

A reminder, too, that despite the movie's popularity, nobody really knew that Rakunosuke worked on "Smiley" (or that it was even a Riley Entertainment movie at all)

There's also the fact that both tsks and rknsk get stuck more on the excitement they want their audiences to feel rather than on the technical sides or worries about how it would be possible – as seen with Rakunosuke convincing Riley to include all his dreams and ideas in "Smiley" without focusing as much on the budget and all to install that wonder in the viewers, and Tsukasa doing anything to perfect his acting, and also agreeing to most of Rui's stunts and experiments and production ideas as long as it gets the audience to become more immersed

I noticed as well that they're both people who wear their hearts on their sleeves, who easily get emotional and enthusiastic, who empathise a lot with the others' emotions and struggles, becoming happy when something good happens to them

^ he cried here. And later at the fan festa seeing nene sing confidently and happily he teared up again

And also just *gestures vaguely at pandemonium event and Rui's "tsukasa's friends' happiness is his own happiness" line*. Yeah

Most importantly, Tsks and Rknsk both care so, so much about shows ending with smiles and not tears

And overall about everyone smiling and being happy. Like Tsukasa telling Emu in the main story, on the ferris wheel, that when her grandpa meant making EVERYONE smile, it included Emu, too, and he wanted to make sure she's happy as well

There's also everything with Emu, too. The way she's very clingy with Tsukasa, always throwing herself at him (not that she isn't with everyone, but she does seem to jump at him the most often)

She's also implied to open up a bit more around him – in Smile of a Dreamer, when wxs expressed their worries about emu hiding her problems, KAITO implies that its unusual she "hasn't told EVEN Tsukasa"

And it's Tsukasa who first understood that, despite how it may seem that "she always is so optimistic and says whatever's on her mind", in the end "the bigger the problem, the less likely she is to talk" (paraphrased quotes from smile of a dreamer). And also underdstood what's the most important to her and how to give her a push to voice her worries to them

It's Tsukasa who Emu first got so scared of leaving their troupe and her behind

I simply feel like Emu is aware of the similarities her grandpa and Tsukasa share and, subconsciously, trusts him a lot and gets attached to him easily

Anyway. This is just a bunch of thoughts that came to mind that I wanted to share and hear your thoughts on maybe too. I love emukasa so much they have such a great dynamic, and I feel the implied similarities between Rakunosuke and Tsukasa add a lot to that too. I'm really curious if it'll be something they'll explore more in future events. Because I feel these parallels are there for some reason

[peterswonderland]

Introduction

By now, we all have our opinions of The Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology. It has received mixed reviews from critics to fans alike.

In the Gaylor community, many have dubbed it her “straightest album,” which I am inclined to agree with. BUT.

If you do not like Gaylor or Swiftgron content, feel free to block and/or keep scrolling!

I’ve seen and read theories for years. In this post I will be referencing the Swiftgron Masterpost. I’m also an avid listener of the What I Will Say podcast. (No one affiliated with the podcast is involved with this post, and for all I know might disagree with it entirely. However, I will be referencing the masterpost at points, and it is only fair to give credit where credit is due.)

This is celebrity gossip, and everything is alleged. I do not know Taylor or Dianna. This is alleged (don't sue me, tysm!)

Peter is…Dianna?

Halfway through my first listen of “Peter,” I was fully convinced this song was about Dianna. That Peter was Dianna.

First, I will go through the lyrics that most pointedly seem Dianna-coded to me.

Forgive me, Peter My lost fearless leader In closets like cedar Preserved from when we were just kids Is it somethin' I did?

Taylor references closets in “seven” on folklore:

And I've been meaning to tell you I think your house is haunted Your dad is always mad and that must be why And I think you should come live with Me and we can be pirates Then you won't have to cry Or hide in the closet

Cedar closets are used as a "safe haven" to put valuable items in. The closet has preserved everything from when Taylor and the muse were "just kids" (likely meaning their early twenties.) Shoutout to Kristin in the WIWS Discord for mentioning this!

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Another interpretation I found on Genius mentioned that the closet line in “Peter” could also be a reference to another fantasy story, The Chronicles of Narnia, wherein stepping into a closet revealed a new fantasy world. This fantasy narrative ties in with “Peter”/Peter Pan and “Wonderland”/Alice in Wonderland, which we’ll get to in a second.

The line “And I think you should come live with/Me and we can be pirates” can also be connected to Peter Pan. Peter Pan and the Lost Boys often have to fight off Captain Hook and his pirates. There are also theories that pirates/Captain Hook are old Lost Boys. TL/DR: Old lost boys are either killed by Peter Pan or can choose to become Lost Boys…at least by these fans’ interpretations. A weak link I know, but still an interesting one. 

“We can be pirates” because you’ve been forced to grow up too quickly…? Hm.

Further connecting “seven” to “Peter” is the idea of being just kids, although in “seven” it seems to be more literal, while in “Peter” she might be referring to when she and Dianna actually met: Taylor was ~20 years old, and Dianna was ~24. 

From “Peter”:

Are you still a mind reader? A natural scene stealer? I've heard great things, Peter But life was always easier on you Than it was on me

Dianna is stunning, and has often been referred to as a scene stealer.

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“When we cast Dianna as Quinn, she ruined the part for me,” Murphy says. “She was supposed to be the Cybill Shepherd, Last Picture Show cunt, so to speak, but she humanized it. She can cry at the drop of a hat. So now her character has a conscience, a soul and great vulnerability.” Ryan Murphy, Rolling Stone. Credit

Credit (Shoutout to ellie from the WIWS Discord server for bringing the TCA nominations for "Female Scene Stealer" to my attention!)

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More from “Peter”:

And I won't confess that I waited, but I let the lamp burn As the men masqueraded, I hoped you'd return

I viewed this through a queer lens upon first listen; the definition of masqueraded (verb) is “to go about disguised/to assume the appearance of something one is not.”

When Taylor sings “as the men masqueraded, I hope you’d return,” the you is implied to not be a man. 

We’ll circle back to lamps burning/lights in Part 2.

And you said you'd come and get me, but you were twenty-five And the shelf life of those fantasies has expired Lost to the "Lost Boys" chapter of your life

Dianna was twenty-five when she and Taylor allegedly began dating.

Dianna, through multiple interviews and her old tumblr blog (that often mentioned children’s fantasies and stories), seems to cherish her inner child and not be in any rush to “grow up.”

From an interview for Galore Magazine in 2014:

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There are also Dianna’s frequent posts on Tumblr about fairytales and children’s stories - this could lend itself to the idea she was living a “Lost Boy’s life.” More on that later.

But the woman who sits by the window Has turned out the light

Again, there is a reference to light, which is a theme (amongst many) we will visit in Part 2 of this analysis.

These lyrics draw natural parallels to Disney’s animated Peter Pan film, wherein Peter Pan visits the Darling children through their window. Wendy is seen sitting by the window, yearning for something more.

In another TTPD track about windows, “I Look in People’s Windows,” there are obvious parallels to “Peter.” These parallels are so strong that I believe these songs are almost certainly about the same person.

Credit | Credit

In “cardigan” from folklore, Taylor seems to categorize herself as Wendy and an unknown muse as Peter.

I knew you Tried to change the ending Peter losing Wendy

More “cardigan” parallels will be drawn in Part 2. Part 1 is focusing on “Peter” itself as well as its tie ins to another TTPD song, “I Look in People’s Windows.”

I Peter Looks in People’s Windows

Connecting “Peter” and “I Look in People’s Windows” is almost too easy, yet I didn’t catch it on my first few listens. Let’s break it down.

The images referenced above show that windows are a central plot point to Peter Pan. Waiting by the window symbolizes yearning for something more, something magical. Wendy is waiting for something more: for Peter’s return. We can draw parallels between Wendy’s window and the rabbit hole in Alice in Wonderland: a portal to something whimsical and dangerous.

If you’re new here, “Wonderland” from 1989 is known to many as one of Taylor’s most blatant songs about a woman: Dianna Agron. I encourage you to read this portion of the Swiftgron masterpost if you’re new or need a refresher!

Sit and Wait, Sit and Wait

The first theme we’ll discuss is longing/yearning. Both in “Peter” and “I Look in People’s Windows,” Taylor conveys a strong sense of yearning for a person with whom a relationship has permanently died, despite her hopes.

From “Peter”:

The goddess of timing Once found us beguiling She said she was trying Peter, was she lying? My ribs get the feelin' she did And I didn't want to come down I thought it was just goodbye for now

/

Said you were gonna grow up Then you were gonna come find me Words from the mouths of babes Promises oceans deep But never to keep

/

Forgive me, Peter, please know that I tried To hold onto the days when you were mine (Hold onto the days) But the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light

The woman (Taylor) who sat by the window has given up hope (turned out the light.)

Also, fun fact about "my ribs get the feeling she did": Dianna Agron removed a Wonderland tattoo after the song "Wonderland" was released. Guess where the tattoo was?

On. Her. RIBS.

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"We're all mad here."

Also, "What will we become? We become ourselves," is a quote from poet Patti Smith. Yes, the same Patti Smith referenced in the title track for The Tortured Poets Department. (Thanks to thea from the WIWS discord for pointing out the Patti Smith connection to me!)

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(Shoutout to reddit user aztraps for pointing out the rib lyric to me!)

The themes of yearning continue on “I Look in People’s Windows” during essentially the entire song, but here are some highlights:

A feather taken by the wind blowing I'm afflicted by the not knowing so

I'd be remiss not to mention that Peter Pan, throughout many adaptations, is known for his feather in his cap. 

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The Paradise of Peter Pan by Edward Mason Eggleston, 1934

You might notice in this painting that Peter looks like...well, a woman (stereotypically and historically!) The character of Peter Pan is normally played by a woman on stage and is often depicted with female features. This makes Dianna being Peter even more...suspicious.

More from “I Look in People’s Windows”:

I look in people's windows In case you're at their table What if your eyes looked up and met mine One more time

This is a love that is ended, yet Taylor can’t help but wonder what might happen if flames rekindled. 

I know what you’re thinking – Taylor Swift isn’t walking around random neighborhoods peering into neighbor’s windows. You’d be right (hopefully.) This song is a metaphor, in my view, for “insta-stalking” or social media “stalking” an ex, constantly checking up on them to see what they’re up to, who they’re with. She checks mutual friends’ pages, looking to see if she sees her love (Dianna) “at their table” (with them.)

The real question is - why use windows as the metaphor for internet stalking your ex? Perhaps to tie it into another song about that same ex?

More "ILIPW" lyrics:

I tried searching faces on streets What are the chances you'd be Downtown, downtown, downtown Does it feel alright to not know me? I'm addicted to the "if only"

Taylor is YEARNING for this person. She also seems to be unable to believe this person has been able to seemingly move on without her (just like Peter has.)

In “Peter,” Taylor’s relationship didn’t turn out as she hoped. She hoped this person would come back, and they didn’t. (“Come Back…Be Here” anyone??? PART TWO)

“I Look in People’s Windows” highlights the fact that Taylor has not completely moved on. As she goes about her daily life, she still “peers in people’s windows” (checks instagram/twitter/etc.) for this person. IT’S THE SAME MUSE!!! (Allegedly.)

In addition, the line: “I'm addicted to the "if only"” is especially interesting given Dianna’s interesting response to rumors of dating Taylor in a May 2023 (!!!) Rolling Stone article:

The theme of waiting is also important to discuss. In “Peter,” Taylor is waiting for someone who said they would grow up and find her; she’s sitting by the window waiting for them. In “ILIPW,” Taylor is looking through windows waiting for this person’s eyes to meet “mine one more time.” Both songs have this sense of sit and wait, sit and wait, sit and wait.

Taylor looking into people's windows and obsessing over gatherings where the muse might be in attendance reflects a sense of longing and yearning, reminiscent of Wendy's yearning in Peter Pan to reconnect with Peter despite being unable to bridge the gap between their realities:

Lyrics from “Peter”:

We both did the best we could do underneath the same moon In different galaxies

Eternal Youth

More from “I Look in People’s Windows”:

I look in people's windows Transfixed by rose golden glows

To view something in rose colored glasses is to see something in “favorably disposed opinions : optimistic eyes.” 

One could compare this to the rose colored glasses Wendy takes on when visiting Neverland, or when Alice visits Wonderland. (Again, we will be reviewing Wonderland’s connection amongst many other songs in connection to “Peter”/“ILIPW” in Part 2.) Both of these fairytales cater to the inner child and youth.

The theme of eternal youth in “Peter”, based on the fairytale of Peter Pan, is self explanatory, and I don’t feel the need to go into detail in this already MASSIVE post.

For this example, we’re going with the theory that “Peter” and “ILIPW” are inspired by the same muse/relationship. “ ILIPW’s” theme of yearning can be interpreted through the lens of Wendy's relationship with Peter—a story that encapsulates the longing for eternal youth (which Taylor writes about in “22” on Red, a song that is DEDICATED TO DIANNA, the pain of growing up, and the poignant realization that some connections are meant to remain in the realm of dreams and memories.

Rediscover Your Sense of Wonder

Peter appears unexpectedly and at random to seemingly bring a sense of magic and wonder to those around him, including Wendy and her siblings. Peter visiting the Darling children through their window symbolizes the allure of escapism, especially for someone like Taylor who cannot lead a normal life, and the desire to remain forever young.

“ILIPW,” if you allow the interpretation that it is intrinsically connected to “Peter,” indicates a longing to recapture, if anything, the innocence and adventure embodied by Peter/the muse. Taylor’s fixation on windows is a search for moments of enchantment and wonder that the Peter muse gave her.

If we follow this line of thinking and allow Dianna to be the muse of “Peter” and “I Look in People’s Windows,” it’s very interesting that the song canonically dedicated to Dianna centers around the very idea of youth and wonder: “22” from Red, as seen in the Rolling Stone piece mentioned above.

From “22”:

We're happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time It's miserable and magical / It seems like one of those nights We ditch the whole scene and end up dreaming Instead of sleeping / Everything will be alright If we just keep dancing like we're 22

Tumblr / felldowntherabbithole

Dianna once had a tumblr with the url felldowntherabbithole. While I searched what archives I could find, it was quite overwhelming, and I didn’t get through many of her posts throughout the years she was active. However, I will mention posts I did find that showcased her interest in fairytales, and why Taylor might choose one (or two…“Wonderland,” anyone?) as inspiration for songs she has written about Dianna.

FIRST: This old post was found by Cam from whatiwillsay. She is not affiliated with this post and did not endorse it. However, I was unable to find this screenshot myself on the Wayback Machine, so I want to give her credit for finding this post on Dianna’s blog:

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Now, onto some screenshots I found myself of Dianna’s love of fairytales, all courtesy of the Wayback Machine:

References from bottom to top: Goodnight Moon, Dr. Suess, Alice in Wonderland, Little Red Riding Hood, Underland (a retelling of Alice in Wonderland)

Part Two

PART TWO is here!

If you have any comments, suggestions, or questions, I’m more than ready to hear your thoughts!

Part Two will cover "Peter" and "ILIPW's" connections to other songs associated with Dianna.

Part 3 will cover anything I missed that I didn't feel I could edit into Part 1 or 2, as well as some more reach-y theories that I still feel deserve an honorable mention!

This post will be edited for grammatical and factual errors as necessary, as well as adding more evidence I feel needs to be included in this post.

[that-ari-blogger]

A New Face (Separate Tides)

During its second season, The Owl House had hit its stride and wasn't slowing down. This is my favourite season, and that isn't an unpopular sentiment.

Separate Tides is the opening episode of this season, so it needs to recap the previous goings on and themes in a cohesive way for new viewers, and take the series in a different direction that stays loyal to those themes and plotlines. I think this episode does that well.

But this isn't a summary blog, this is a blog where I find something needlessly specific and gush about the implications of that something.

So... The Golden Guard is so ****ing cool.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD (The Owl House, The Harry Potter Series)

I've mentioned in the past that The Owl House uses archetypal storytelling to a truly masterful degree. It takes tropes and meets them on a superficial level, then twists them in a way that adds depth and makes the series unique.

For example, the series is directly drawing inspiration from the works of Robert Galbraith, with Willow being the bullied kid with a passion for herbology, and Amity being the school bully who definitely has a crush on the main character. Both take the archetype and shake it up a bit, as is the way with parody, but the baseline is there.

This leans into the themes of being your own person rather nicely, as it makes the deviations from the archetype more important.

I took great pains to point out that Luz is the only character who doesn't fit the mould at all. She has no analogue and is her own person completely. She has nothing to restrict her.

However, leaves the analogue for the actual protagonist of Galbraith's books. Obviously, not every character from the series is parodied, but the chosen one main character seems like a weird one to miss out on.

I would argue that Mr Potter does have an analogue, Hunter Whittebane (Or Hunter Noceda or Hunter Demonne or even Hunter Clawthorn. Whichever name you prefer, its the same guy).

He is a child soldier, raised by his uncle and manipulated into giving his life away for the cause by an old wizard. He bears a scar on his face, and is technically half witch, half human.

Although we don't actually see any of that in Separate Tides. Instead, we are introduced to the Golden Guard, a character who is suave and cool and confident.

The first time we actually see this character is in the final scene of the previous season.

"Worry not, Kiki. We'll be keeping an eye on the inhabitants of the Owl House."

The Golden Guard is a goon, an elite goon, but a goon none the less. He is simply a character whom Belos turns to in order to get the job done.

But, I find the use of vernacular here interesting. Belos doesn't refer to the Golden Guard with any name, or even as a separate entity from himself. Not "he will be watching them" or "this is the Golden Guard, I trust him to get the job done". This character is referred to as "we". He and Belos are connected. This character is simply Belos' eye.

Then, in Separate Tides, it is established that, when Lilith fell from grace, she was replaced by the Golden Guard.

"He always got special treatment because he was the genius teen prodigy. But he's really just a brat."

So, this is a child, but a gifted child. Lilith is dismissive here, but not of the Golden Guard's skill, just his personality. This is someone for whom things come naturally, allegedly, and who has never had to work for his abilities. Allegedly.

"Unfortunately, you won't have the chance."

The Golden Guard's first line is just cool. He is calm and collected. He is in control. And he has just easily captured one of the protagonists.

I also love the little fact that he has spent the entirety of this voyage in a dimly lit room, eating crackers. The room has nothing to do in it except books. So, he was definitely just sitting there, reading, and had to improvise when King burst into the room. He's a bookworm with an ability to think on the spot.

I'm saying this guy would definitely play Pathfinder or D&D if he was given a chance.

Anyway, the Golden Guard's actual introduction comes fourteen minutes into the episode, and it immediately sets this guy up as a threat. He's martially competent, magically adept, and fully in his element. This is a character who revels in control, just like the Emperor.

And that link to Belos is interesting. Because forgive me for asking, why would an Emperor's elite goon be a child? As in, there has to be a connection to Belos beyond what meets the eye for the Golden Guard to be anywhere near where he is.

We don't get told that here, but we do see that this character's skillset is kinda similar to Belos', in theory. He's commanding, and he gets people to do what he wants. But in practice, this isn't Belos at all. This is someone trying very hard to be like Belos, but coming at it from a different angle.

I do, however, think that the Golden Guard's greatest strength as a goon is revealed subtly in this scene.

"The Emperor ordered me to slay one. I'm just following orders."

We've seen through Lilith in the previous season that Belos covets blind loyalty, and that is what the Golden Guard offers him. He doesn't know or care why the Emperor does what he does, he just follows orders.

Essentially, the Golden Guard is a traditional Disney villain at this point. He is fun, bisexual, charismatic, and a physical threat. The Golden Guard we get introduced to is enjoyable to watch, and it sounds like Zeno Robinson is having a blast voicing him.

However, there is one element of the Golden Guard that we get introduced to in this episode that might fly under the radar. The Owl House is no stranger to masks, and people putting on a show to get the job done, but when we are first shown the Golden Guard in this episode, he is taking it off.

The intro sequence of this season features three characters who are under Belos' command. Lilith, The Golden Guard, and Kikimora. It then unmasks them, with Lilith becoming apologetic, and Kikimora becoming more aggressive. But the Golden Guard sits between them, removing his own mask to reveal... a single purple eye.

The eye is the window to the soul, of course. But there is something to the manner in which this is happening. Kikimora has been angered to the point of lashing out, and Lilith has been brought low with remorse. The Golden Guard, however, is lowering his own mask and staring directly at you with an air of "I'm doing this of my own accord. I see you, you see me, your move."

I wonder if agency is going to be a theme with this character.

Final Thoughts

I love Hunter so much it is obscene, and there is a ton of ambiguity about him right from the bat. What is his stake in this? Who actually is he? And why does he have a purple eye?

As for the rest of this episode, Luz's guilt is starting to be expressed. In my opinion that is for the first time, but I have heard it said that this isn't a new character trait for her.

And Lilith... *sighs* There is a sentiment online as to the expedience of Lilith's redemption arc. Some people like it, others think she should have been "punished" more, and I would like to take a third rout.

I don't believe in punitive justice for fictional characters, and I certainly don't believe in telling writers how they should write. I do, however, think that it could have been slightly more interesting if the consequences of cursing Eda were explored more psychologically.

In any case, however, the series we got is the series we got, and I think it is perfectly fine, if not better, as it is. I don't see a point in getting angry online over what could have been.

Next week, I am looking as Escaping Expulsion and boy, do I have thoughts about Odalia Blight. So, stick around if that interests you.

Previous - Next

[sonkitty]

The Sideburns Scheme Post #77

(For reference: The Sideburns Scheme)

Crowley, Good Omens 2, Episode 5, The Ball, wrong

...

Sideburns Check

The sideburns are still long and the same length as when Crowley spoke to Maggie. They are not the longest-length that happens around Gabriel when humans aren't around.

This scene puts Crowley close to his own car that's helping this supernatural zone take shape. There is now more fog and fewer humans shown to be passing in the street. In fact, there is at least one demon shown to the camera's right when Crowley says the name of the coffee shop. Otherwise, the few humans around are understood to be walking and passing through the area.

There is likely a second demon standing in the street and facing the bookshop as Nina enters since I think Nina is supposed to be the next-to-last human to enter the ball.

...

Brighter Red Streak Check

The more saturated red streak of hair is at its most noticeable point in the story, in my opinion, in this scene. It is strongest when Crowley is telling Nina, with urgency, to get to the meeting.

That's also when Nina shifts from finding Crowley weird and mildly irritating in that moment to finding his demeanor scary.

...

Hairstyle Changes

The curl in the front and top is taller and more centered, creating a pocket of hair in the process, at least for the earlier part of the scene. The more saturated red streak of hair is more vibrant. I'm not sure its ever stronger in the whole season.

...

Earthly Objects

(For reference: Earthly Objects)

Crowley says the name of the coffee shop and with the word "name" as a hint that's the point he wants to earn. That's point #1.

Nina has a question for asking Crowley what he wants. That's point #2.

She has a self-touch, like Maggie did. She actually uses both arms, but it's her left hand that is visibly placed on her waist and makes a pocket. Interestingly, that's the opposite hand Maggie used.

After that, Nina at least says the name, "Lindsay," and has a self-mouth touch for 2 points. Crowley also has a self-mouth touch in the cut where the two of them are last seen together for point #3.

...

Time to pay attention to the pockets.

The Tied Hands do not retie.

The Belt Head might get an Overhead Light when Crowley points to the bookshop and says, "Just to remind you about the..." If so, it's presumably helped along by the self-made pocket of hair, especially since it's only the top part of the Belt Head that is visible.

There is a human wearing white who visually walks behind Crowley, but the way Crowley's ears and lights line up over the course of the scene still don't amount to an Overhead Light for his actual head, as best I can tell. That's because the lights are to Crowley's right. He doesn't do anything to properly switch them from how I've played other scenes. Crowley does at least get the flames of the coffee shop wall above, behind, and to the left of his left ear. That's most clearly shown during and after he convinces Nina to go to the bookshop.

While Crowley has been known to frequently have self-made pockets, the main two I can find is the one he makes with his hair and another little self-made pocket he makes with his legs and the lower interior window frame of his car.

...

Story Commentary

The fog is still setting in. There are still a few humans.

Crowley senses something is wrong. As he mentions that to Nina, he adds that lots of things are wrong right now, but right now, this wrong he senses is coming in waves, like a hangover.

To our knowledge as the audience, this wrongness is probably the demons arriving, possibly with a "creeping sense of unease."

Crowley's actions up to this point have indicated he anticipates their arrival, at least on a layered level. He's not touching any earthly objects here, just as he wasn't touching any when Nina questioned him earlier about his relationship with Aziraphale.

Since Crowley mentions a hangover, it's worth recalling that he did drink wine earlier and is using a substantial amount of power in making this shift into a supernatural zone happen.

When he says a lot of things are wrong, he could be referring to his more layered awareness within the games.

This moment also shows what I meant that Crowley and Aziraphale aren't really asking the humans to attend. Whatever it takes to get the invited human to the ball? It's going to be done. In this case, Crowley shows a sense of urgency that's strong enough for Nina to abide by him flat out telling her to go. She gets scared of him.

Honestly, she might not have even been able to leave since she accepted the invitation on camera in Crowley's presence with his touches happening, and the supernatural zone is already taking shape. Crowley both escorts and dismisses other humans from the space later, as a way to allow them to leave.

...

Nina

Something very interesting in the Earthly Objects game happens.

I am very unsure of the below, but here is my current play in trying to understand this scene within Earthly Objects as a game.

When Nina arrives, she touches a threshold. More specifically, she has four left hand fingers on the door. The middle finger touches the push plate. The index, ring, and fingertips touch the door panel though the ring finger is aligned just below the edge of the push plate. As she continues to enter, her right arm is shown to be crossed under her left arm. Her left thumb eventually appears and is shown to not be touching the door.

Her left hand lets go of the door, and her body obscures the touch her right hand still has on the door. She says, "I'm going mad."

Now let's take a look at how Crowley touches this same threshold later in episode 6 as the Single of The Pocket Trick. I won't cover everything about it because it's a lot.

For starters, he has a visible pocket touch with his right hand that has four fingers in the pocket with the thumb outside the pocket. Crowley also places four left hand fingers on the door. For him, it's the index finger instead of the middle finger that touches the push plate. Both the index finger and middle finger are touching each other at the lower edge of the push plate. The middle, ring, and pinky fingertips are on the door panel. As Crowley continues to enter, his right arm is shown to be crossed under his left arm. He's using his Pocket Chain with the car window behind him for the touch, especially with the thumb and its shadow on the astragal. The cut itself does not show the door actually closing. He is still touching the door by the end of the cut.

He had his mouth open but no dialogue during the touch.

Other humans have touched doors during Good Omens 2. I haven't tracked every touch, and I don't have it in me to go back and check them as I draft this post because it won't change my point about what follows from Nina's touch.

For whatever reason, in this instance here, Nina's threshold touch is treated like a mistake that must be corrected. It's like the game wants to overcompensate.

Here is my current breakdown of trying to understand what happened.

Nina's touch cannot count as an earthly object touch because three fingertips on the door panel is a threshold-only touch. But it's not a Threshold Trick or part of one. It's something she did in a heated moment of fear. Crowley's threshold touches are very particular about how they are done.

Nina says, "I'm going mad," for point #1. The game treats statements like this one, a statement of place, as a "Hello."

But, instead of having Nina go into an interaction set, she'll get her own points #2 and #3 later, as dialogue points, because the other characters she encounters are earning 3 points in one collective duo set and 3 solo sets. All of these characters will be touching earthly objects.

Mutt is holding a glass of champagne and a book as he says Nina's name. That's point #1 for the book and #2 for the name. He's not talking to Nina. He's talking to his spouse because his sentence began, "Why, my dear, it is Nina..." His spouse has a line of dialogue toward Nina while also holding a glass of champagne. That's point #3. I'm guessing Mutt's touch on the book for counts for him to make it different from the touch his spouse earns.

Nina doesn't respond verbally to them.

Justine is holding a glass of champagne and has a self-touch with her left hand for point #1. Her self-touch probably counts to make what she touches being herself instead of the glass of champagne. That way, it's, again, different from what Mutt's spouse was touching. Justine says, "bonsoir" as a "Hello" equivalent for point #2 with a question about it being a fine night for dancing, no? for point #3.

Nina finally earns her own second two points with the name "Justine" as point #2 and the question, "Justine, what's going on?" for point #3.

Mr. Arnold has a touch on the piano for point #1 and sitting on a stool for point #2. He says Nina's name for point #3.

Gabriel is holding a tray for point #1. He says "Hello" for point #2. He asks a question about Nina trying one of the tiny little dinners for point #3.

That's 15 points total.

It mostly seems to end here since Aziraphale shows up shortly, and he and Nina proceed into at least one standard interaction set with him touching a bookcase for point #1, saying Nina's name for point #2, and Nina asking why she doesn't feel upset for point #3.

After that, I can't figure out any remaining sets for the scene. Mr. Brown earns at least two points with "Excellent eventide to you, Mistress Nina," as a Hello and a name. Since his hands aren't shown, I don't know if his newspaper touch counts. I would think so otherwise since he wasn't holding it earlier when he entered the bookshop.

...

As for why the human guests are talking weird, I go with the general theory of it being Aziraphale's influence on the space with his wish to have this ball happen this way. His power is influencing the humans. Aziraphale wants the humans safe from the demon invasion, but he also wants to dance with Crowley and celebrate their connection.

...

That's it for this post. Sometimes I edit my posts, FYI.

...

Main post:

The Sideburns Scheme

[scammydoesstuff]

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Thoughts I NEED to Talk About

So I've now seen Beeltejuice Beetlejuice three times - and it prolly won't be the last cuz I love it. I love it so much. It brings me such immense joy. The haters can fuck themselves. This movie delighted me, regardless of the problems I have with it (and I do have problems with it; they just do not ruin the movie for me on any level).

But now that I've refreshed myself (again), there's something stupidly specific that I need to talk about and I cannot wait any longer than I already have. Including a ridiculous conspiracy theory about a connection to the musical that I desperately want to believe in even though I know that wasn't the intent.

So let's begin! Spoilers ahead, of course, so tread carefully if you've not seen the film.

Basically, there are a few things in this movie that I think were inspired by or were at least a nod to the musical. I don't think there are any real references to the cartoon past the overall vibes, which did remind me of the cartoon a lot - particularly the on-screen chemistry between Lydia and Betelgeuse. Like, I know he's trying to marry her in this and that's not at all a thing in the cartoon, but their banter with each other gave me the same vibes as watching the cartoon here and there, which was fun to see. Like, the part where he's 'inspecting' the Handbook for the Recently Deceased after Lydia summons him (I did say there'd be spoilers) in particular gave me detective BJ vibes from the episode 'A-Ha!' where he masquerades as 'Sherlock Homely'. It's all in the tone and it was a blink-and-you'll-miss-it kinda moment, but that's a specific example that comes to mind at least.

The musical, however, I do feel they're drawing inspiration from to a degree. From nearly opening the movie on the death of one of Lydia's parents (this time the dad instead of the mom for...obvious reasons. Fuck that guy, btw), to the meta aspects where the B-man has been doing, like, Instagram/TikTok reels for the marketing, there are just things in and around this movie that feel like a small and subtle acknowledgement of the musical. And I know that other companies are likely trying to capitalize on TikTok/Instagram as marketing ploys, but it feels very on-brand for Beetlejuice specifically given how the musical blew up in no small part because of the TikToks they were putting out while they were still performing on Broadway.

But back to the movie. There's also that story Astrid tells Jeremy about her dad dressing her as Edvard Munch's 'The Scream' for Halloween when she was in second grade. It reminded me, at least, of the musical when Lydia was enthusiastically talking to the Maitland's about her mother's own eccentric haunted house in the middle of summer. Even the way Jenna Ortega delivers her lines in the film felt reminiscent of the delivery in the musical.

After Deliah has died and she calls on Betelgeuse for help, he mentions how she wants to hang out with him now that she's dead. I know it's a pretty big stretch to compare that to the musical's 'We didn't hang out much' line as BJ is saying his goodbyes, but the specific wording just gave me pause and I wanted to mention it.

Okay! And now for the stupid conspiracy theory I mentioned cuz I can't think of any other specific moments that made me think of the musical outside of this one I'm about to get into. If you noticed any, however, let me know! This is fun to think about and gives me more to look for when I go to see it again.

Anyway, if you've seen the movie (and I hope you have if you're still reading this), you're surely aware of the wedding scene near the end and all the lip-syncing to MacArthur Park which was just...*chef's kiss*. At one point during that sequence, while Betelgeuse is dancing with Lydia, the lyrics mention all the loves of [his] life. We see Delores and Lydia, of course, but then we see...this:

(Apologies for the quality. I wanted to get a shot where the dog was in frame and these were the best photos I could get in the theater and I'm too excited to wait for this to come out on streaming/home release in order to talk about it. I'm also not about to be filming in the theater. I just wanted to see if I could get pictures of the dog in this scene specifically.)

So, like, I know it's just a stupid bestiality joke to not be taken seriously and which is only meant to add more to the 'what-the-fuckery' of this scene, but, as a fan of the musical, I cannot help but see this as a super deep cut reference to the goodest boi in the whole world. Alex Brightman's beloved pup; Kevin.

Hell, the dog in the movie even bears a very close resemblance to Kevin. It's not one-to-one, of course - the coloring around the ears in particular is a big enough difference on its own - but they could've gone with any breed of dog. They could've even gone with photos of the dog that accidentally killed the Maitlands, thereby introducing Betelgeuse to Lydia in the first place. It would've been a little bit more fanservice for the fans who might catch that reference too. But they chose one that looks very similar to Alex Brightman's pride and joy?

And no, by the way, I'm not implying Alex has that kind of relationship with his dog. That's ridiculous and I do not want anyone to get that twisted. However, love doesn't have to mean 'sexual' or 'romantic' and I would argue to hell and back that Kevin is one of the major loves in his life that doesn't fall into either of those categories. That's his precious baby boy and we all see that clear as crystal. I mean, look at them:

[Photos of Kevin & Alex courtesy of kevin_kontent on Instagram. Follow them for more delightful Kevin posts]

But yeah, that's where the conspiracist in me comes out because, again, while I know that wasn't the intent, I want so badly to believe it was. Because that'd be such a funny little reference and it makes me smile to think that they might be referencing my favorite Beetlejuice through Alex and Kevin. I recognize that's not at all the case and they probably weren't thinking about the musical in the slightest during the production of the film. Hell, that's such a contrived way to look at it in general, but it's fun to think about and to imagine that they were paying these little homages to another production that helped breathe even more life into this franchise about death.

Anyway, so yeah. Just a real stupid bit of bullshit that I wanted to get out there. I'm prolly not even the first person to notice/point this out, but I just wanted to talk about it and get it outta my brain.

Now I'mma go crawl back into my hole and try and finish a drawing I've been working on for the last week (that may or may not be Beetlejuice-related). I got an iPad earlier this year and I'm still getting the hang of drawing with it. Gonna for sure go back to my older drawing tablet when I open up commissions again because it genuinely takes me so much longer to draw with Procreate, but for now, just trying to practice drawing something with an art program I'm still learning to use.

[lisxdumbr]

Hi I'm insane and I think I talked about this once in the past but today I'm going insane once again

The relationship of 2wink with math

Now, for this explanation I'll take notes from 3-4 main things. I'm sure there are many more references but this is what I could quickly grab from the top of my head.

Yes, 2wink is constantly being related to math, starting with their unit name, it's the only unit that has a number in it, even looking at their brand, we see constant triangle shapes that help support this idea.

Now, I believe the reason is clear looking at it in a geometrical (?) way. even in a trigonometrical way if you want to get fancy. 2wink's concept revolves around the fact that they're twins, they're two people who mirror each other. They're symmetrical.

The first clue that we get comes from a very old song actually. Heart Prism Symmetry, just look at the lyrics for a second

It's a song that clearly talks about them mirroring each other, since as we know, an important part of their lore has to do with how they're so identical not even their father can distinguish them.

Speaking of, we hear Hinata's demons in a part of the song (cough, go read setsubun)

Now, is their symmetry something natural? How is it represented, what is this telling us? I think Heart Prism Symmetry is a song in which they're loving and honoring their pasts being a two in one package for such a long time. This doesn't mean they're trying to be symmetrical on purpose though, they know already that the symmetry will break one day.

(again I'm sure these are Hina's demons, someone give him a hug)

Now this also has to do with the triangle part that I mentioned before, there are many different symmetrical shapes but the fact that they chose triangles is fascinating to me. Triangles are the most basic shape, since you need at least 3 sides to create a shape (less than that is just a line). But triangles are so interesting because of that flex (?), they present themselves in many ways and even inside other shapes. You can fit a triangle in any shape, even a circle can fit triangles since at the end of the day, a circle is just a 360° rotation.

They chose the most powerful shape and I'm obsessed with that concept.

But now, In which other ways is math involved? This is where I enter !! era, which is the point of the story in which 2wink are trying to discover more about themselves and we reach Twin Peaks.

Twin Peaks is Hinata's first focus event and it's full of math, starting from the title of the chapters

Factorization and division by zero.

Now, if you actually want to relate those concepts to Hinata as a person, it gets a little bit depressing because, well, division by zero,,, no matter how big your numbers are, (CORRECTION) you'll end up in an undefined result.

But this has symbolism once again ! I don't remember the story exactly but there's a story where Yuta is referring as them as math concepts and he refers to Hinata as a symbol. Now the thing is both Hinata and Yuta have opposite beliefs of themselves, so both of them say the other is a positive or a negative while they're a negative or a positive.

I've always thought about how Yuta may feel that Hinata is stealing a bit from him and perhaps that's why he thinks Hinata substracts, but at the same time, Hinata has done so much for both of them so of course he adds too.

Now since this can be a little confusing, let's stick with the factorization and division by zero concept, since that's how Hinata perceives himself I believe? I think factorization is a clear concept for how Hinata kinda gatekeeps himself and his brother and. everything. in general? And oh well, we know the guy is depressed as hell.

Now this makes me move to the important part of the story which is the second event. Yes. What we all waited for and screamed our lungs out when we saw: Yuta growing his hair and separating himself from Hinata.

If an equilateral triangle is symmetrical, what happens when one side is larger that the other? Is it equilateral still? No. But is it still a triangle? Yes

In the swee2wink album, we got a song called Polyphonic World in the B side, and the lyrics are fascinating let me tell you

1 + 2 = 3, which can be a triangle or as they say, a volume too (³), so the world is created with 3.

But I want to point out this part because I find it EXTREMELY important for the lore:

"our hearts want to create new shapes" "make new shapes that will change our hearts". HELLO. They used to be symmetrical prisms but as soon as Yuta changed his appearance, they decide to create a new shape that looks more similar to their hearts. They are the shapes. 2wink refer to themselves as shapes, they are the triangle

This is where the third side starts making sense too. 2 + 1 = Yuta and Hinata + a third member, "you" (me, they're talking about me, cough)

So knowing this makes much more sense in the way they refer to themselves and helps us understand them better.

Now my point, the new song is called Love×me⇄monsteR and according to my investigation, the ⇄ symbol is used for a lot of things but one of the meanings is exchange. Let's remember that an important part of the lore has to do with them being feared and seen as monsters, so Yuta is swapping that idea. He's swapping the negativity of the monster concept for love.

We're returning to what Twin Peaks tried to tell us. Hinata is (was, remember, development) seen as a division by zero and now Yuta is a multiplication of love times himself, he's GROWING. damn I love acceptance arcs.

Anyway, I wholeheartedly believe they're becoming something more positive given that the new logo is literally 2×2. Happiness for them.

Now as a little note to close the speech, Polyphonic World also talks about colors:

"we can make a new color that will change our hearts" and remember, they're changing their signature colors in this event as a new beginning!

So that's everything! I hope you find this interesting ! It's a little thing that I've been noticing for the longest time and I thought today was the perfect day to get it out.

[magical-regical]

Continuing my L&DS hyperfixation but also because Owl City just released a new single, here are some owl city songs that remind me of each LI and Caleb

Go under the cut if you want some extremely long commentary on why I picked the songs I did. If you don't care what I have to say, please peruse this TLDR;

Xavier: If My Heart Was a House

Zayne: Car Trouble

Rafayel: My Muse, Rainbow Veins

Caleb: Hot Air Balloon, The Bird and The Worm

Ah you're still here. A few disclaimers before you continue:

Whenever I mention MC in this, I will be using she/her pronouns.

I haven't listened to every owl city song in existence and some songs didn't stick with me the way the songs listed here did so if you think my takes are garbage and I'm a big dumb stupid idiot for not considering the song you're thinking of, uh, feel free to make your own post abt it.

I know sweet f a abt music theory so I'm just going based off vibes and lyrics not composition.

I haven't read Xavier's or Zayne's myth stories to completion and haven't read Rafayel's at all.

Anyway, without further ado, enjoy my lukewarm takes.

Xavier

This song makes me so soft and it's way too easy to imagine Xavier and MC dancing to this. The first lines sound like he's reminiscing of the time he had with MC in her past lives,

You're the sky that I fell through, and I remember the view whenever I'm holding you

The sun hung from a string, looking down on the world as it warmed over everything.

Chills run down my spine as our fingers entwine and your sighs harmonize with mine.

Unmistakably, I can still feel your heart beat fast when you dance with me.

He pulls her in closer as the first pre-chorus plays. And the two pre-chorus' in this song sound like a conversation between him and his memory of past!MC.

The first one:

We got older and I should've known,

Do you feel alive?

That I'd feel colder when I walk alone

Oh, but you'll survive

The second one:

I walk slowly when I'm on my own

Do you feel alive?

Yea but frankly, I still feel alone.

Oh, but you'll survive

And then the chorus hits and the vibes are immaculate. It feels like you're floating on air and imagine how Xavier looks at MC when the last few lines play,

Risk it all 'cuz I'll catch you if you fall,

Wherever you go,

If my heart was a house, you'd be home.

Because she is the celestial body that orbits around him, his north, his guiding star, and his heart will always be her home.

Zayne

And you can't convince me this isn't one of the songs that plays at their wedding.

This is the catalyst of this post's creation. As of writing this, it's the newest single and I am obsessed with it. So strap in folks, I have a lot to say.

First of all, the first thirty seconds of this song was released as a preview titled 'Floppy Fish' that came out ten years ago and we didn't hear anything else about it until suddenly we get a tweet about it four days ago (as of writing this part) and then this masterpiece. I think it reflects Zayne and MCs relationship quite well, they were childhood friends, lost contact for a while, and now they're reunited to build another beautiful relationship.

On to the song itself, the overall song is about going back to see the person you love even through all sorts of car troubles. The car theme immediately screamed 'Zayne' to me because out of all the boys we see him drive MC around the most.

It's a very upbeat song which contrasts Zayne's stoic personality but the whole song is something I can imagine actually happening to him.

I see the first verse as Zayne trying his damndest to finish up work instead of having actual car troubles,

I've been driving all afternoon, but I hate to say it, I won't be there soon = him working all afternoon and still having to do overtime

And though I'm late you know I just can't wait to come home to my slice of heaven on toast.

But my GrandPrix broke down without fail, another flat tire and another nail = the 'tire' being the hearts he has to operate on and 'another nail' referring to his surgeon's tools (even though the nail in the song is the thing that broke the tire in the first place not the thing fixing the flat)

I miss your smile but this could take a while 'cause this 'road closed' sign says there's no way around. = he can't just ditch work, obviously.

The second verse and chorus is him actually running out of gas on his way back from Akso and just describes his situation. Walking through the rain, only stopping to buy flowers for her.

Hey, it's kinda crazy what daisies jasmines can do.

And then these lines from the third verse,

I'd hand you a coffee right when you woke up

and

... all I find is all these highways wind and lead back to my slice of heaven on toast.

are so cute. Especially the 'slice of heaven on toast' thing since I imagine a slice of heaven on toast would taste sweet.

But wait, it gets better. Because the chorus that comes after goes,

Oh would your heart kind of glow if I held your hand and I promised to stay home?

Hey, when I blow in that's the first thing I'll do

It might take me forever

It might take me forever

But I love you forever and I can't wait to see you.

I'm dead. I'm deceased. I am a puddle of goo on the ground.

The bridge is the most upbeat part of the song and I imagine that's when he gets a call from MC because she's worried about him. Because honestly the line, 'Am I unavoidably detained or extremely fashionably late?' sounds like the kind of dry humor he'd enjoy.

And the song ends as he hangs up and continues his long journey on public transport to come home to her.

Rafayel

Now, fish boy gets two songs because I associate each one with what I like to call 'light mode' and 'dark mode' Rafayel.

I chose both songs because they had like, a lot of imagery involved in them and lean heavily into his whole artist job. So this isn't going to be as in depth as Zayne's lol.

Anyway,

This is light mode Rafayel. The whole song is him talking to MC. He's all happy-go-lucky and filled with inspiration. With how important color is to his current career the song just felt perfect.

The chorus also adds a few nice tidbits of his character,

Cheer up and dry your damp eyes, and tell me when it rains

And I'll blend up that rainbow above you and shoot it through your veins

'Cause your heart has a lack of color and we should've known

That we'd grow up sooner or later, 'cause we wasted all our free time alone

The first two lines sound like something he'd actually say when he's trying to comfort MC.

The line 'we wasted all our free time alone' sticks out to me because you ever notice this guy doesn't have any friends? Like, Xavier has Jeremiah and the countless old people he's made friends with when they're in their youth and Zayne has his coworkers at the hospital and his old profs. Raffy doesn't really have anyone like that? Sure he has Thomas and his Aunt Talia but judging by how fast they hung up on him after barely wishing him a happy birthday, I can't in good conscience call them his friends.

So yea maybe our boy was so focused on finding MC again he wasted all his free time alone.

Then we have dark mode Rafayel. And no I don't mean dark as in Rafayel when he's in revenge plot mode (whatever that is I don't have enough brain cells to comprehend what his plan could possibly be). I mean dark mode as in it's quite literally night time and he is left with nothing but his own thoughts. MC fell asleep at his place again and he's wistfully staring at her sleeping figure. This is the song in those moments.

Like Xavier, he's reminiscing about the past lives and past MCs. He's remembering the first time he met and the moment he decided she was the one. She was his bride. He's listing all the things he loves about her (which basically boils down to 'everything!'). She is his muse, now and forever.

And then the song ends with:

So I'll say it now before we're at the door that someday we'll walk through,

And if I'm the only one left in the room...

There's nowhere else I'd rather be than home with you.

Do you hear that? That's the sound of my heart cracking in two. He will sing you this last line as he pulls you closer, pressing your forehead against his before giving you a nice, long kiss.

Honorable mention goes to the song 'Sunburn' because it's about meeting someone, falling in love, and having to separate in the end (hence, 'she got a tan and I got a sunburn' and 'as we parted ways, she held my gaze and left an imprint on my mind'). I could go deeper and analyze each line like I did w/ Zayne but I've kept the Caleb girlies waiting long enough so we'll stop Raffy's part here.

Caleb

Caleb also gets two songs I chose two songs that have heavy 'childhood friends to lovers' vibes and fitting imagery and I told myself this one was gonna be short and sweet because we don't have as much depth abt his relationship w/ the MC compared to the current LIs but welp, I lied.

'Hot Air Balloon' is the most childhood friends song ever. Every single lyric is just every adventure these two went on when they were children. Writing their own fairy tales, making a racetrack around the kitchen chairs, going on a picnic to a nearby lake and getting a stomachache because you drank lake water even though Grandma Josephine told you specifically not to do that, the list just goes on and on.

It's them. It's little MC and Caleb with lightning in their veins and stars in their eyes as they explore the world around them, not a care in the world because the possibilities are quite literally endless when they have the other person by their side.

And then if 'Hot Air Balloon' was 'childhood friends—', 'The Bird And The Worm' adds on the '—to lovers' part of the trope.

I mean the entire first verse reads like the two kids playing pretend (because let's face it you've had one or two weirdly morbid play pretend sessions when you were a kid) with little Caleb saying he's the bird because of his evol and then little MC's like "then what does that make me?" And little Caleb's like "you're the worm ofc!"

Esp the part about throwing a party and greeting undersea friends (hi Raffy). I could imagine little MC telling little Caleb how she's going to invite the mermaid she made friends with at the beach to their 'party' and Caleb just not having any of it.

I'll throw a party and greet my undersea friends

(it depends)

As they arrive,

(if they arrive)

Then the chorus reads like a time skip. They're adults reminiscing about their childhood at one of the rare moments their schedules align,

You and I left our troubles far behind,

But I still have just one more question on my mind

For all my pals who live in the oceans and the seas

With friends like these well, who needs enemies?

In that moment they're back to being just MC and Caleb, not a hunter and a fighter pilot. And the last two lines sound like they're trading workplace gossip. Caleb tells her about the shenanigans his colleagues get up to and MC telling him about all the...'quirky' people she's been running into (hi Xav) and then being cheeky and going 'with friends like these, who needs enemies?'

And then you move to the second verse and it's them on a date. It's them on the most damn wholesome date you can imagine, I'm sorry I don't make the rules.

Like first they go apple picking,

If I'm your boy, we'll take a short cut we remember and we'll enjoy—

—picking apples in late September like we've done for years.

We'll take a long walk through the cornfield and I'll kiss you between the ears.

Then they come home and cook together (maybe make a pie with the apples they just picked or some other apple based dish?),

And as we twirl, the glow in the dark stars on your ceiling will shine for us

If you're my girl, swirl me around your room with feeling

As love sweeps over the room cuz' we tend to make, each other blush

(you make me blush)

They're so used to each other's presence even in a kitchen that can be considered a little cramped, they can perfectly navigate around each other.

After the two had eaten a delicious dinner, they are now cuddled on the couch with a blanket over the two of them, some movie playing on the TV. MC starts nodding off so Caleb picks her up and moves her to the bedroom, letting her snuggle against him. He brushes some loose strands of hair away so he can kiss her forehead,

"Love ya pipsqueak, sleep well."

And before drifting off he hears MC mumble a sleepy "I love you too..."

And that's how their perfect day ends.

You're the bird, I'm the worm and it's plain to see,

That we were meant to be.

----------------------------------------------------------

Author's rambling

Haaaa, I finally finished it yay! If you're reading this, thanks for reading this far! (or if you're a Caleb stan and just decided to read his part only, hello!)

I hope you enjoyed my takes. This was fun, I loved breaking down each song and just rambling my heart out over why each song gives me vibes for which character.

[cacodaemonia]

1st of all big fan, devoured RC!AU. It's fantastic

2nd of all, I could get lost in your sw resources tag that thing is awesome

3rd Do you have any references for Waxer and Boil's buckets? (Sorry in advance if you've already posted them, and thank u again for all the boxer content 💖)

Aw thanks! <3 I haven't written in the main RCAU for ages, but I'm still plugging away at the Open Skies sub-AU haha 😂

Ah I'm glad that's been helpful! I mostly tag for my own organizational purposes and I know there are some gems in there—especially from @gffa and @fox-trot! My 'sw refs' tag has a lot of overlap, but also includes a lot of image references for fanart or describing things in fics, so that one might be useful, too?

And yeah! I'm not sure if you want Phase I, Phase II, or their ARF helmets, haha, but I know I've got plenty of refs for all of those, so I'll toss them in here...

Boil:

Waxer (The second image shows the back of his Phase I helmet, which is hard to find shots of, in the background behind Boil being awkward 😂 So he had the little droid silhouette on his helmet back then, too):

And some shots of both of their helmets (Waxer is on the far right in the last image—you can see his tally marks):

Their ARF helmets seem to cause a lot of confusion, as I've even seen merch that doesn't show the little Numa painting on Waxer's helmet, and most people seem to mix up who is who in that Landing at Point Rain episode (probably because the writers seem to have done so, as well, since they gave Boil the more cheerful dialogue while having Waxer complain—but maybe he was just having a bad day! 🥺).

There's also the horizontal band of gold paint Boil has under his visor attachment to match the paint on his regular helmets, as well as a grey stripe along the top of the helmet that's lined up with the red triangle on his visor attachment. Waxer has his 'crest' stripe of gold paint, of course, and it continues under his visor attachment a little bit, too. Then he's got his tally marks and snoot triangle. :D

One thing that I only noticed recently is the very faded ship silhouette (or however you interpret the black design on his other helmets) on the left side of his ARF one. In the second-to-last image above, you can just barely see something on his left side, but the only way I knew it was more than just dirt was because I have a little figure with the shape painted on it. Which is also not very visible:

(Thankfully, I don't think I've actually done any images where you can see the left side of Boil's ARF helmet, so I shouldn't have to add that to any of them, haha. Hopefully I haven't mentioned anything about the lack of symbol in any of my fics, though... XD)

I'm still unclear what is going on with the paint on his and Waxer's spaulders in the ARF episode, because it's obviously faded/been scuffed in places, but sometimes, Waxer seems to have an unpainted right spaulder, and sometimes there's a stripe??? His little figurine is the opposite, though, with a striped right spaulder and an unpainted left one. Meanwhile, Boil's left spaulder looks like it could be all painted gold, like in the figure above, but other times, it seems to be a normal stripe??? Who even knows—I'm guessing that the texture for their models got messed up during the production of the episode, so they're inconsistent. Personally, I'm just sticking with 'matching stripes on both sides,' like the rest of their armor. 😂

Anyway, I hope that helps!

[jinxed-sinner]

Alastor Does Care About Charlie, Hazbin Hotel, and Its Residents, But Hates That He Does: Brought to You by My Interest In Subtle Characterization

One thing I don't think a lot of people bring up when it comes to discussion about Alastor is there are multiple times where it's implied he does care about Charlie, the hotel, and its residents, and he just hates that he does once he realizes it. Specifically, I don't see a lot of people mention Alastor's background appearances in More Than Anything towards the end of Dad Beat Dad (and his expressions during More Than Anything further support the idea that he was just fucking with Lucifer during Hell's Greatest Dad). Here's the first time he appears in More Than Anything:

Here's the second time:

(sorry for low-ish quality screenshots)

I genuinely think Alastor doesn't hate Lucifer, he just thinks it's funny to fuck with him, and part of the reason is because his expressions when he appears in the backgrounds of More Than Anything come off as somewhat affectionate to me.

Here's the thing. It's made pretty clear at the start of the season and in the pilot that Alastor doesn't believe in Charlie's cause and is only helping her for his own entertainment. However, in Dad Beat Dad, he tells Mimzy to leave unless she actually wants to give redemption a shot, something Mimzy shrugs off as a joke until Alastor says he's serious. In The Show Must Go On, he makes the same expression while watching Charlie, Husk, Angel Dust, Sir Pentious, Cherri, and Vaggie have a night of celebration before fighting the Exorcists that he does while watching Lucifer and Charlie in More Than Anything. He even refers to watching the redemption process as "a surprising thrill" which tells me he's no longer in the spot he was at the beginning where he was actively against Charlie's cause and just being a troll. He also admits to the possibility of getting accustomed to their company. He risks his life for the hotel, something I am willing to bet he would not have done even in episode 4 or maybe even episode 5.

I seriously think Alastor got genuinely attached to the hotel, Charlie, and the hotel's residents. He doesn't really start panicking or breaking down until he fully verbally acknowledges that if he'd died, he'd be recognized as someone who died for his friends. Until that point he's more angry than panicked (complete sidetrack but I'm wondering if the deal he was referring to was the deal he made with Charlie, since he referred to a deal and not a contract; he also refers to "pulling all the strings" which feels like it's referring to the hotel, about which he's made a deal with Charlie and Charlie has ordered him to help with, albeit only for as long as he desires to help). All of the screenshots I've seen of Alastor's mental breakdown / panic attack are after the "Great Alastor, altruist, died for his friends" line. That's not how he wants to be recognized so he panics.

Like it comes off more like he feels a genuine connection to the people at the hotel but hates himself for it. His intention was never to get attached but he ended up attached, and he hates himself for it.

Alastor is a genuinely fascinating character. As is his intention, the fact that he's always smiling keeps you guessing because it limits how expressive he is (that's not to say he isn't expressive, because he absolutely is). Will he eventually be an antagonist? Will he stay a protagonist? We have no idea and I think that's a huge part of why he's so appealing as a character. We don't really know much about him, but I genuinely feel like he cares about the hotel, its residents, and Charlie and once he realized it he absolutely hated it and it fueled his mental breakdown, and I'm excited to see where that goes.

[rubra-wav]

Vox's death - personal headcanons/rambles

A/N I've been sitting on this for a while HDHDH

A lot of this is building on prior headcanons of mine and shots in the dark based on vibes so yeah - I could be completely wrong in season 2 and thus I will eat my hat if that's the case /lh

Just wanted to throw my thoughts out there on this 🙏

CW: SFW, murder, mentions of suicide/mental breakdown, references to staticmoth, angst

In my personal opinion Vox didn't die from a TV falling on his head: he died from poisoning.

The first thing that differs from a lotta stuff I keep seeing is that I don't think the red lines that come from Vox's mouth are actually Val's saliva from kissing him.

In some scenes, it probably is (like in the poison music vid) but when he's very obviously done with Val's bs during the off periods in their relationship that they go through? Nah.

It just wouldn't make sense that it's always from Val. Especially when we have examples like the beginning of episode 8. It just starts seeping from his mouth as he's saying the "I can't wait to watch you get fucked" line.

They show up whenever he's more unstable (like in Stayed Gone) and/or when he's having a sadistic power high (ep 8 ) and is particularly out of his mind.

I think it's symbolic of actually being blood from being poisoned in an instance when he was like that in his life.

Actually getting into it: The leadup to his death

Regardless of how it happened exactly, imo in the end every single one of his relationships while he was alive broke down in the height of his popularity.

He became more and more insufferable to keep around: constantly egotistical and looking down on everyone the more famous and powerful he grew, and became utterly obsessed with maintaining his power. (Also what he's doing in hell - fixated at all times on appearing a certain way and staying at the top)

His mental state declined terribly as he grew paranoid that he would lose his control and have to start from where he was (which wasn't good to say the least), and all of his friends and family left due to how he treated them which only added to his instability due to having no support system.

Not that it would have changed much because yeesh.

The second someone would try to reality check him (if they did) during this time, it only would have made him even more unstable.

He most likely believed that stepping on everyone to maintain his power was more important than anything, and meeting someone who disagreed, he would have just discarded them without a second thought, all the while internalising it deep down to be brought back up whenever he finally crashed.

His actual death

I have two main headcanons of how the poisoning may have gone:

1. The first main one is that he was murdered.

He treated his staff so badly during his gradually worsening mental decline that one (or maybe more) got so fed up by his poor treatment of them that his morning coffee was poisoned, and while on air he started spitting up blood and then died (hence why his head is a TV).

This one makes particular sense to me because the red lines show up when he's being a sadistic asshole - as he would have been leading up to his murder.

2. The second: he poisoned himself on purpose as suicide.

His mental state declined so much, so stuck in his delusions of grandeur that when he was either reality checked and it actually took hold of him or his content started performing badly in comparison to someone else's he experienced the inevitable crash after having a high in that way and had a full on breakdown (or both tbh).

Him taking a stance of 'I'd rather die now while eyes are still on me then when they're all gone again and my existence is unknown once again'.

I think it's far likelier the former, though considering everything.

I am probably reading too damn much into all this but like... the brainrot is all-consuming.

I want to write a fic about his death at some point but like.. I don't think anyone would gaf enough to read it for one, and I also have a bunch of stuff I'm already working on that my brain is buffering about/lh

I'm thinking about how bad he's probably gonna be done in season 2 and slightly dying inside. I HOPE I'm proved wrong so desperately bc I love him too damn much.

Either way I do NOT think there is enough time to properly explore his chara even if Viv wanted to dip into the interesting asf things under the surface. 🗿

My masterlist