#Alexa play ‘Put Me In A Movie’

[janesemel]

It’s because at first the version of Mary that exists in Chapuys’ head is little more than a sexist, paternalistic remix of her real identity, so thoroughly warped by the age & class difference that he sees her as barely more than a porcelain madonna, a moral/religious figurehead, so sexless she’s barely human. But as Mary ages and their relationship is maintained through less explicitly stressful circumstances then the ones it was conceived under amidst the Great Matter, she begins to grow outside of the parameters he established for her internally. She gets her life back, she’s not just pretty and in pain anymore, she’s energetic, provocative, romantically active, loud. And that scares him, the way it scared him with Cesare’s mother, but it also excites and intrigues him, not least of all because he can’t be physically intimate with Mary the way he was with the mistress who bore his illegitimate son. The illegitimate son he left so he could go perform diplomatic duties in the same country as Mary. Who wants to be a mother. Who loves children. Who is at once everything he’d ever want in a woman and young enough to be his biological child, facts which would be so blatantly immoral if he ever confronted their coexistence that he has to force himself to stay in denial about it. While Mary goes around planning for the future and playing footsie with Phillip of Bavaria, more or less unaware that her very existence is eating this poor bastard’s brain. Eustace is a 50 year old politician with TSwift’s “You Belong With Me” playing in his head every time he meets eyes with his dead friend’s 21 year old daughter. It’s pathetic. It’s disgusting. It’s narratively delicious.

[beeholyshit]

MISSED THEM SO MUCH, NOW THEY ARE BACK WAHOOOO

Manjuu belongs to my beautiful man @4rachnophilia !!

[universalitgirlsblog2]

💗🍒CELEBRITY MANIFESTATION🍒💗

💗ARIANA GRANDE

Ariana Grande is a manifesting queen ! She made alot of songs on manifestation too - 7 rings , just like magic and successful. Ariana said how every single thing we think about ourselves or others , how we react to things and what we choose to think about , what you spend time talking about , it all plays part in manifestation . Her mom taught her that if she wanted something , she could have it and it was possible.

🍒SHAWN MENDES

Shawn Mendes had a book of manifestation where he wrote how he could sing high with no tension or how he sold out the Roger center, basically he used the method called " scripting ". He also recommended one to speak positive affirmations , for example , I love me . I feel calm and happy in my body .

💗BILLIE EILISH

When Billie was making music with her brother , her brother joked about how he will make her the biggest pop star in the world. Guess what ? Look at Billie now, she is so successful and popular. Everyone loves her . You speak things into existence. Joke about how you have your desires , don't make self-depricating jokes.

🍒MARILYN MONROE

She manifested her fame and beauty! Read this post - click me !

💗LISA OF BLACKPINK

Lisa dreamt of becoming a k-pop idol , a teacher said even though Lisa danced in the dance room , she acted like she is on stage. She imagined herself dancing on the stage , she acted as if she was already a kpop- idol who was performing on stage. She said that if we persist in our dreams , they will come true and we need to believe that we will become the one we want to become. I also made a post on how Lisa is a persisting icon - click me and I would also suggest you to read this post - click me.

🍒BRUNO MARS

Bruno imagined him and his band dancing and women screaming for him when he was doing interviews. He envisioned how he wanted his album to be in his mind.

💗LADY GAGA

Lady Gaga said that she repeated to herself everyday how " music is her life " " fame is inside of me " " I'm going to make a number one record with number one hits ". She said that you repeat the lie everyday and one day it becomes true. Like Neville said , an assumption through false, if persisted in, will harden into fact.

🍒BEYONCE

When Beyonce was going to perform on BT , in her mind she saw the set and she also drew the ramp.

💗ALIA BHATT

Alia Bhatt is an Indian actress. She believes in Universe has some way of making things happen.If she wants something like a film or award or health related , she acts as if it already happened infront of her mirror.

🍒KATRINA KAIF

Katrina said that if she wants something, she tries how she would feel if she already got it . She gets into the feeling of living in the end .

💗ANUSHKA SHARMA

Anushka Sharma had a turtle in her living room , you open the turtle and put your wish inside the turtle , when your wish comes true , you take it out .When she got her first movie and she called her mom to inform her and came to know that her mom put the wish in the turtle.

🍒ALEXA DEMIE

Alexa had acne when she was a teenager . She would wake up every morning and say - " I have beautiful , clear, acne-free, scar free skin " and the affirmation did it's magic. It worked.

💗TOM HOLLAND

Tom Holland said that he wanted to be spiderman .Believe it or not , you speak things into existence. He also manifested Zendaya.

🍒TAYLOR SWIFT

Taylor showed her diary she wrote when she was 13 and she wrote about her life , career , dream and reality . Basically , she did scripting too. In one of her old clips , she said that her dream was to look out into a crowd of thousands of people and make them sing the words in her song. She spoke her desires into existence. She also said that she knew shake it off was going to be a hit song and she wasn't wrong. Feel that you already have your desires and know it will happen . Don't question the how.

💗MEGHAN THEE STALLION

Meghan admitted manifesting her life.

🍒JANG WONYOUNG

Wonyoung knew that love dive was going to be successful and when it released it broke records and it is IVE'S most popular song. Know that you have your desires and they are yours !!

💗JENNIFER ANISTON

Jennifer said that to manifest you speak as it already happened. Manifest it , believe and know you will have it .

💗🍒I am sure most celebrities use the law even if they don't talk about it .Everyone is manifesting consciously or unconsciously. Why do you care if a random stranger does not believe in manifestation when there are rich and successful celebrities who believe in manifestation ? Manifestation is real. It's not black magic . Manifestation is nothing but you focusing on what you want and persisting in it. Your mind is powerful. You are powerful. You can have anything you want and be anything you want to be.💗🍒

[dabuggh3]

Literally so random I remembered when I watched one of Hamzah’s old streams and he said he loves being shirtless in the kitchen with his alexa 😭so that’s what kinda inspired this. ENJOY!! ALSO THANK U FOR 140 FOLLOWERS 😞 I love you guys ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི

Weekend with Hamzah ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

You and Hamzah haven’t been able to see each other since you both were so busy, you were busy with work and he was moving into a new place. And finally after Hamzah settled in, he invited you to come and stay over. You pack your bags for the weekend and some extra essentials you wanted to keep at Hamzah’s.

It’s Friday night and you arrive at his apartment, walking up the stairs and knocking . Not even 2 minutes pass when the door opens and you see Hamzah, grinning . “Hi babyy” he pulls you in through the front door, giving you a hug kissing your cheek. “ Hiii babee” you say hugging him tighter. “Show me around!!” you say excited.

Hamzah gives you a tour of the whole apartment, showing you how much bigger his kitchen is, his patreon corner, his bedroom ect. “ Yea that’s all” he says sitting on the edge of his bed turning to look at you, “I love it”. You put on your pajama’s and put away extra clothes and essentials in a drawer in Hamzah’s bedroom and bathroom that he saved for you.

Hamzah peeks into the bathroom,“ Do you wanna order in food?” “ Yesss let’s get Chick-fil-A”. The food comes and you guys eat it on the couch while watching Tangled. The movie ends and Hamzah starts singing “ Somethingggguuh that I wannnt” he gets up grabbing Red and making him dance. While you grab Blue making him do the same thing.

You wake up with the sun hitting your face and Hamzah clinging onto you. You turn facing Hamzah, who’s dead asleep. You can’t help but stare admiring, his chest slowly rising up and down ,his long lashes, the mole above his lip. You give him a peck on his lips before you get up to wash your teeth.

You come out the restroom and see Hamzah still half asleep sitting shirtless on the edge of the bed facing you as he rubs his eyes. He looks up at you, “ Why did you brush your teeth without me” he says in a low sleepy tone. You can’t help but smile seeing how cute he looks. “ I’m sorry“ you walk towards him wrapping your arms around his neck. He hugs your waist and lays back, having you lay on his chest. Then he turns now laying on top of you.

You guys lay there for a little, “ Go brush your teeth babe”, all you get in response is a grunt. “ Cmonn, I’ll go with you?” “Okay!” Hamzah says smiling, immediately getting up. You look at him grinning shaking your head as he grabs your hand taking you with him. He finishes and you both head to the kitchen.

Hamzah walks in opening the fridge asking what you wanted to eat. You both end up agreeing on French Toast. You guys play music as you both gather the ingredients and start cooking. You dip the bread into the mixture as Hamzah cooks and flips them.

North by Clario starts playing and Hamzah looks at you while singing. He grabs you and starts swaying and dancing with you. You both are grinning and laughing. “Oh shittt” Hamzah says as he turns, flipping over the burnt piece of toast, “ I’ll eat this one” he says scrunching his nose clenching his teeth, you both laugh. You both eat and get ready to go run errands.

After a long day you guys come back home and rest. You and Hamzah sit on the couch in your matching pajamas playing Fortnite. “ Wait I think I see someone” “ Where?”. Someone comes up from the hill and attacks you. “ HAMZAHHHHH” “ WHEREEE OH I SE-IM COMING IM COMING”. Hamzah comes and starts attacking them while your character is on the ground “ LEAVE MY GIRLFRIEND ALONEEE AUGHHH”

He ends up killing them and he runs back to revive your character, “ Don’t worry baby daddy’s here” he says in a cocky tone and turns smirking at you. “ Never mind let me die” you say side eyeing him holding in your laugh. You guys continue playing till you both get tired and head off to bed.

The next morning you guys wake up and eat breakfast. You pack your bags to go back home. Hamzah helps collect your things and walks you out to your car. He places your things in the car and you turn around, seeing his eyebrows scrunched and eyes squinted as the sun beams on his face. “ I’ll see you next weekend okay” you lean, giving him a kiss. “ Okay” he says trying not to seem bothered. “ Okay byee mr nonchalant” you say poking his stomach. He flinches then smiles.

You walk over getting into your car ready to drive off. Hamzah follows, closing your door then leaning on your car door. Hamzah just stares at you not leaning away from your car. “Stopppp I’ll be backkk, if anything you can come and stay over!” “ I knowww…okay bye before I pull you out of the car and make you stay” “ I mean I wouldn’t refuse……” you say looking up at him. Hamzah squints his eyes and smiles “ ….Okay byeee I love you” “ Byeee I love you more”.

Sorry for not posting I was on vacation and then got sad but I’m okay now I missed you guys. I tried writing a longer story this time I feel like my ff are always short😭 I don’t hate it tho but I hope you guys will like the kinda long ones too. And like always sorry for any typos.☕️

Your matching pjs😍😍😍 ( lmaoooo I laughed so

hard when I found this)

[hobiespick]

Sam Winchester x reader headcanons

a/n: if you thought I only made shitty Sam headcanons, WRONG‼️ cuz I also made a shitty moodboard (i'm extra like that yeehaw)

- Takes notice of the books you read, that is if you don't give him recomendations bc if you do that boy has a whole ass notepad and is a fast writter so try him.

- "Y/n would like this" "Y/n would probably know" "Y/n was right"- Dean gets seriously tired and makes jokes about how often Sam talks about you

- you think he's joking untill Sam isn't glaring daggers at him- but instead he starts blushing and straching the back of his head like a damn schoolboy.

- reads your body language very well- "What's wrong?" Sam asks putting all of his attention onto you. "Nothing" You shrug it off (you're not slick at all). "Bull." Sam chides still looking at you hoping you'll tell him.

-literally the happiest when you sigh defeated and tell him what's wrong but shakes it off to actually listen to you.

- uses the soft tone he talks to victims with on you- not because he thinks you're weak or fragile

- you're a badass and he knows it

- you complimented him once on it (his voice) saying he is good at comforting and how no wonder people open up that easily when he talks like THAT to them.

- "Miss, when was your neighbour killed?" All puppy eyes furrowed eyebrows and soft tone almost sticking his chin to his chest + that fake ass FBI badge, You: "Yes-"

- Sam probably met Jess through the art courses he took I'm sobbing-

- I watched that episode and I had no idea (I'm so happy google exists) what he was talking about and I'm damn art student jesus christ

- "It's good for meeting girls." So good- SHHSAJGSS I'M FOAMING AT THE MOUTH SAM PLEASE

- Artsy Sam save me, Please Artsy Sam

- So touch starved, hug this man PLEASE

- If you're an artist yourself and draw, sketch, paint whatever, he'll want to see it

- even teach him some stuff, LAWD

- researches stuff abt you when he can't get you out of his head- for example : the meaning of your name, your zodiac sign, which celebrity you share your bday with, etc (he can't help it)

- reads banned literature (isn't he so dreamy? 💞)

- his favourite movie is the notebook or pride and prejudice (and book!) because I said so

- Unconciously mirros your movements or tics, for example if you rub your nose with your wrist, he starts doing it too (it's contagious)

- Dean points it out but Sam wasn't raised to be fair so he justifies himself by saying he had that tic first and YOU are the one who started mimmicking him

- it's an ongoing war for some time but beacuse the system's corrupt the bastard lawboy Sam wins

- you two share an interest? HE IS SO HAPPY

- oh no! His t shirt accidentally made it's way into your bag! How did that happen? (It's him officer, that is the loverboy take him away)

- Alexa/google play good old fashioned loverboy by queen

- really likes earthy smells (freshly cut grass, pine trees and so on)

- Dean when he says your instead of you're

- love language is definetly quality time and touch

a/n: it took alot of self encouragement to post this so feedback would be very much appreciated<3! And for every person who voted "YEAHHH" on the poll, I hope your pillow is cold tonight 💞🫶

[striveattemptfail]

Minor Differences | Logan Howlett & Wade Wilson, 1.9k, PG-13

@poolvertober: Day 20 – Pop Culture

Summary: Five times Logan learns something new about the timeline he's in (and one time it was for the better). Inspired by this post by @nichknack. Rated for language. Takes place some time after the movie's events; just assume Logan and Wade are back-up X-Men. More gen than slash but we all know the truth ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Read on Ao3

A/N: Once again, I'm taking today's prompt fast and loose so forgive me in advance 😅🙏 Un-beta'd but quite frankly it's a miracle I even finished on time lmao. Can you believe this was originally supposed to be ~600 words? (ノ_<、)

❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛

The first time Logan notices that his new timeline isn’t identical to his old one, it’s over a subtle name change.

He’s reading the Saturday paper in the living room, Wade watching some reality show on the seat next to him with Mary Puppins in his lap, when Althea leaves her room and shuffles into the kitchen.

“Alexa,” she calls out, “what time is it?”

A robotic voice replies, “The time is 5:43pm.”

Logan drops the newspaper from obscuring his face. He immediately finds the source of the reply on the coffee table: a grey, cylindrical device that looks like a mini speaker, control buttons on its side. It blinks a turquoise light around the rim until the light turns off with a muted beep at the extended silence.

“What the fuck?” he wonders out loud, surprised to see such a familiar gadget.

“Have you not interacted with an Echo before, peanut?” Wade asks. “Did you not have Bezos’ army of listening devices where you’re from?”

Althea barks out a hollow laugh. “You keep calling the damn thing a spy machine—”

“Because I don’t trust it!”

“—but you keep it right there anyway.” She scoffs, making her way to the fridge. “Fuckin’ hypocrite.”

“Well, it’s also convenient!” Wade argues. “Do you miss when I used to shoot the lights off?”

“What the fuck?” Logan says again, but for a completely different reason this time.

“Listen,” Wade starts, and from his tone Logan can tell some bullshit is about to leave his mouth, “sometimes a guy just wants to pass out after walking in at ass o’clock in the morning without having to get up when he forgets to deal with the lights!”

“So you shot the damn lights out?” Logan guesses. “Is that why all the light switch panels are just exposed? Because you shot the fuckin’ plates off?”

“Alexa, tell peanut to stop bullying me!”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know that command,” the device says. “Would you like to—”

“Alexa, shut up.”

The cylinder goes quiet with a beep.

“Anyway, you didn’t answer my question,” Wade says before Logan gets a chance to berate him more. “Did your world not have Echos?”

“We did,” he admits, “but they were called Alexis.”

“Like Texas!” Wade shoots him a wink before chuckling to himself.

(Presumably to himself, because Logan has no clue what the fuck he’s talking about, as usual.)

Before either of them can elaborate, Althea yells from where she’s bent over in front of the open fridge, “Wade, did you put the fucking milk carton back empty again?!”

Their attention quickly shifts from there.

❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛

The next time Logan notices, it’s over something equally innocuous.

He and Wade hate talking to the authorities when they finish a mission, but none of the X-Men who are way better suited to dealing with humans made it in time to stop their target. He and Wade finished the job before those asscracks even left the X-Mansion, which meant the two of them had to deal with the aftermath until someone more qualified arrived.

“I’ll play you for it!” Wade finally suggests after five whole minutes of arguing over who should talk to the police chief.

He sticks his hands out, a fist over a flat palm. Logan rolls his eyes but dutifully mimics the gesture.

“After three, okay?” Wade clarifies. “No cheating!”

“Let’s just get this the fuck over with.”

Wade nods once.

“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!” he counts as Logan simultaneously chimes, “Paper, scissors, rock, bang!”

They don’t even look to see who won. Instead, they mirror each other’s expression: one of total confusion.

“Mr. Deadpool? Mr. Wolverine?” a voice calls behind them—Logan recognizes it as one of the younger detectives Wade was speaking to earlier. “We need one of you now, please.”

He and Wade finally both look at their hands.

Fuck.

“Ha ha, sucker!” Wades hollers, his rock crushing Logan’s scissors. He only grunts in response when Wade quite literally skips away after slapping Logan on the ass. Logan turns around with a flat expression and follows the detective to where the police chief is giving a statement to some reporter.

Whatever. The sooner this is done the sooner he and Wade can go home.

❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛

Another time it happens, Logan’s not even sure if he even remembers the reference correctly.

He and Wade are at the X-Mansion for another mission, catching up with Ellie and Yukio inside the Blackbird jet while Colossus to grabs more a few more people. Logan’s not quite paying attention to the conversation’s details, more enamoured by the strange friendship the two girls have with Wade.

At some point, Ellie says something that makes Yukio giggle and shove her shoulder, causing Wade to cackle out, “Weird flex, but okay!”

Logan furrows his brows but doesn’t comment because Wade’s already pivoted the topic to something else.

He could swear that the saying was odd flex, but very well. If he actively recalls the kids from his old universe, that was what they used to say, right?

(Most days, he usually tries his best to not remember them. The pain may not be fresh anymore but it still hurts all the same. He’ll never be able to hear Kitty, or Jubilee, or Rogue, or Bobby cracking jokes he doesn’t understand but finds amusing nonetheless. Never again.)

Apparently, he’s still deep in thought by the time Laura walks up to him. Her face looks remarkably similar to one he sees on himself all the time—brows pinched, eyes narrowed, lips turned downward. At least on Laura the expression looks like a cute pout compared to Logan’s usual, unimpressed glare.

“What’s wrong?” She looks to the other three still caught up in their conversation, not paying Logan any mind. “Did they say something?”

Logan shakes his head. There’s no point in dwelling over the kids’ memes from his old life. He’s poked at those memories like an old bruise more than enough now.

“Nah,” he says, mostly telling the truth, “just remembered something.”

❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛

He finally catches on by the following incident.

A song has been driving Logan fucking crazy for the past four hours. The goddamn earworm simply refuses to get out of his head, even with Wade’s incessant rambling at his phone in the background. What he’s blabbing about right this moment, Logan has no clue, because lyrics are on loop in his brain and he can’t hear anything above it.

Time for a replay session, he supposes, taking a seat in the living room. Hopefully making his ears bleed from the melody on constant repeat will finally get it out of his head.

“Hey, bub, can you play that ‘Vegas glowing’ song by Handsome Delight on the Alexis?” he interjects in the middle of Wade’s rant.

Wade furrows his hairless brow-line. “Come again? This time in my ear? Also, it’s still just Alexa.”

“You know,” Logan says, followed by a vague hum. “You walk in over time / ‘Cause we both know you’re mine / Fallin’ straight, don’t look down / Las Vegas glowin’ on the town,” he sings, hoping he has the correct lyrics. “That one?”

“One: Excellent singing, honey badger! Do you practice scales when I’m not listening? Because that voice is—” Wade cuts off to do a chef’s kiss with his fingers. “Two: Nope! Still no clue what that song is.”

“Stop fuckin’ with me, Wade.” Logan grunts, remembering how annoyingly often the song was playing on the radio when he was bar hopping earlier this year. Wade listens to pop music almost exclusively—there’s no way he would’ve escaped this song. “It was in the Top 40s for months. You had to have heard of this.”

Wade just blinks at him. “I really, truly have not.”

“Wait,” he pauses in realization, “does Handsome Delight not exist here?”

“Never heard of them!” Wade confirms, shaking his head and starts typing away on his phone. “Aaaaand Google here only pulls up a very adorable cake when I search that name.” He shows his screen to Logan, who grumbles in frustration after squinting at the results.

“You’re fuckin’ kidding me.”

“Why? What’s up, buttercup?”

“Shit. The damn song’s stuck in my head but I only know that stupid part.” He groans at himself, throwing his head back onto the couch, miffed that he can’t scratch the song’s itch like he thought. “I was hoping I could put it on repeat so I’d finally get it out of my system.”

“Sorry, peanut!” Wade pats his shoulder. “If it helps though, I can sing anything you want to rid you of the earworm plaguing you! I’ll be your personal jukebox!”

His answer is automatic. “I’d rather chop my ears off.”

Wade, obviously, starts singing anyway.

“You are! My fiiiire—”

Logan promptly sticks a claw into each ear. He might have pushed a little too far and nicked his brain a bit on both sides, which is just fine because the injury causes him to briefly pass out, a good solution as any at this point.

The last thing he sees is Wade’s comically dismayed face.

❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛

Logan accepts that this universe is just weirdly different after one more incident.

He and Wade made it home too goddamn late last night after finishing a job that took way too fucking long, which meant they both pass out for a solid eight hours and wake up well past noon for their first meal of the day. Althea had already left to do her own business (Logan never asks her what she’s up to, and he’s probably better for it) and took along Mary Puppins, so it’s just him and Wade in the kitchen.

Wade’s already sitting at the table, digging into something from a silvery packet when Logan shuffles by.

“Mornin’, peanut.”

“Hrm.”

“Figured I’d get some real food later, but I’m too damn tired right now, so, y’know—” he lifts up what Logan finally sees is a Pop-Tart, “—Pop-Tarts.”

Logan assesses that he is also too damn tired to actually cook himself a meal, but also too hungry to ignore his appetite. He combs through the cupboards with a quiet hum until he can kick his ass to get some real food. He eventually decides to follow Wade’s lead to eat something now and order more food later, going to the cabinet and bypassing Wade’s stock of sugary children’s cereal for the Special K.

“Not digging into the Raisin Bran, old man?” Wade teases.

“I may be old,” he tosses right back, “but I don’t need to act like it too.” He grabs the milk (a new carton because Althea chewed Wade out last time), a bowl, and a spoon, bumping the utensil drawer closed with his hip. Then, he makes his way to the kitchen table to sit across from Wade.

As always, he pours the milk first.

“Logan,” Wade says slowly, his eyes growing wide with what looks like concern, “why the fuck are you pouring the milk before the cereal?”

“Because that’s how you’re supposed to do it.” Logan shoots him a bewildered look because that’s how everyone does it? He’s pretty sure it’s common knowledge to pour the milk first so you get an even distribution of crunch. He’s adding the cereal in when he asks, “What the fuck are you on about?”

Wade’s horrified gaze flickers back and forth between Logan and his bowl. “That’s so fucking cursed.”

At this point, Logan doesn’t bother dignifying that with a response, digging into his bowl with a dismissive grunt and shake of his head. He very purposefully ignores the implication that people on this planet pour the cereal first.

Now that’s fucking cursed.

Logan may have been engineered to be a wild animal, but he’s not a goddamn savage.

❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛

&1

Logan finds out that Dolly Parton is still alive on this planet.

He considers forgiving the cereal before milk bullshit just for that.

——————————————

(More notes on Ao3.)

[athena-writes-i-guess]

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Reader(no pronouns used)

Prompt: “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

Warnings: none! Just fluff!

You groaned as the alarm blared next to you. You didn’t want to get up. You had stayed up late with Eddie last night watching a movie and now you were exhausted and had to get ready for work. You reached out and fumbled to turn the alarm off, sighing gratefully as the room fell to silence again.

You finally opened your eyes and took in the soft morning light around you. You looked down and smiled as you found Eddie’s arm wrapped around your waist as he spooned you from behind, he was still asleep somehow. You didn’t want to leave his warm embrace, knowing you wouldn’t get to see him until much later in the evening.

You lifted his arm and shimmied out of bed, trying carefully not to wake your boyfriend. You stretched as you stood, taking in his cute sleeping form as you did. His arm was still stretched out in front of him where you left it, his long curls were wild with bed head, and his face was squished up against the pillow as snored lightly. The morning light danced on his skin beautifully, making him look somehow like an ethereal painting. You tore your eyes away reluctantly and started getting dressed for your shift.

“Mmm, baby?” You heard from the bed as you were putting on your pants. You looked over and saw Eddie, eyes still closed as his arm searched for you in the bed next to him.

“Go back to sleep honey, I’m just getting ready for work.” You said softly as you walked up to him and leaned over to leave a kiss on his forehead. “I’ll see you tonight sleepy head.” You said.

You went to pull away as Eddie’s hand reached out blindly and managed to find yours. He held it tightly as his eyes blinked open and he tried to focus on your face. “Stay.” He said sleepily, eyes squinting as he tried to adjust to the brightness of the room. “Come back to bed.”

“Oh I wish I could, pretty boy.” You cooed, you tried to pull your hand away only for Eddie to pull you into the bed next to him.

“You’re staying. Call out of work. We’ll play hooky.” He mumbled as he tried to wrap himself around you.

You laughed and pushed him away as you scrambled out of bed before he could pin you there. “I’m sorry Eds, I’ve gotta go to work baby.” You smiled at his grumpy face. “I’ll see you after I get off okay? I love you!” You called out as you grabbed your keys and walked out of your shared bedroom.

Eddie groaned loudly as you walked into the living room of your small apartment. You were checking over your items to make sure that you had everything when you felt his arms wrap around your waist as he buried his head into your neck. You chuckled lightly.

“You’re not letting me leave here today are you?” You asked, resting your hands on his own.

“Not a chance. I wanna spend the day with you.” He mumbled into your skin.

You sighed playfully, defeated, “You’re lucky you’re cute, Munson.”

“Mmmm, I know. Let’s get you out of these stuffy clothes and get back to bed, I’ll make it up to you baby.” Eddie said as he kissed your skin lightly, the affection making sparks like electricity run up and down your spine.

“Hmm, you’ve convinced me.” You said, twisting around in his arms to face him. “You’re a bad influence, Eddie Munson.” You teased as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Don’t I know it sweetheart.” He said with a shit-eating grin on his face. He leaned forward and kissed you deeply. “Let’s get back to bed.” He said softly as he pulled back. You nodded, a little dazed from the kiss, and followed him back to the room, giggling when he would stop every few feet to kiss you silly.

Taglist: @srapalestina @yvonneeeee @cityofidek @anaisweird @mrslovesmayahawke @harrys-tittie @becca-alexa

[verslxt]

okay, lets start this out by saying i got this idea from @nichoswag and i even made sure that i could use their idea in this <3

soft moments with enhypen members <3

heeseung ♡ ♡

as your boyfriend heeseung took your hand and held it as justin beaver played on the alexa. he smiled down at you and using his height advantage on you he picked you up and sat you down on the counter grabbing down two mugs. the matching ones, that you two bought out of impulse. "rose or coffee" he smiled at you as he grabbed out a bottle of rose. "defiantly rose" you smiled crossing your legs on the counter. he smiled and poured some rose in the cup that said "wifey" and then some rose in the cup that said "hubby" you smiled as he slid you the cup that said "wifey" on it. he smiled and clinked your glasses together "to my beautiful wifey" he said. you smiled back "to my handsome hubby".

jay ♡ ♡

you sat 1/2 drunk in your finace jay's passenger seat "here pretty girl" he said hooking your phone up to the aux "there, play whatever you want" you smiled and played bite me by enhypen "oh my oh my god this bloods pumping crazyyyy~" your drunk ass sang along as jay smiled down at you. "cause i knowww you'll save meee" you smiled and kissed jays cheek as he continued to drive. "the moon looks so pretty tonight" jay said smiling over at you "i love you too pretty boy" you smiled at jay as red lights by stray kids turned on next "i'm happy i get to marry you" he smiled at you "i'm happy i get to marry you too" you smiled back

jake ♡ ♡

with layla in your lap you cried in jakes arms even though you had worked oh so hard you still weren't going to be able to debut yet. jyp said if you lost 10 more pounds he would debut you. jake lifted your head up and kiseed some tears off of your cheeks "jyp is just an asshole, you're just perfect in my eyes, okay pretty girl" he flashed his adorable gummy smile at you as he continues wiping some tears off your cheeks. layla got some pets from both you and jake "you wanna cuddle and watch your favorite movie pretty girl?" jake said kissing some more tears away. "can layla join too?". jake smiled at you "of course she can"

sunghoon ♡ ♡

you smiled at the father of your kids as you two slow danced in the kitchen as your twos 7 month old twins slept in their bed. he smiled and spun you around in the light of the fridge "remember when we used to do this when all the members where asleep and not just the twins" he said smiling at you. you smiled back "i remember when jake walked in on us and he just smiled and watched us in the door frame" sunghoon smiled at you as he noticed the older twin in the door way "hey there lil mans how are youuu" he let go of your hands and picked up the 7 month old with frizzy crazy hair

sunoo ♡ ♡

you smiled in the lap of your boyfriend sunoo as he gripped onto your waist as you put a clay mask on him "you feel bonita" you smiled. he smiled back "very bonita" you smiled and kissed his lips, sunoo wrapped his arms whole heartedly around your waist and kissed back. you smiled in the kiss and pulled away afterwards. sunoo loved when you two did face masks together, you two lover kissing and cuddling. its so fun. as you washed the face mask off of sunoos face he smiled at you and you smiled back. he kissed you and you kissed back

jungwon ♡ ♡

jungwon moved some hair out of your face as you were writing your final essay. jungwon was so so soooo proud of you as you were getting your degree in nursing. he was so proud of you and so supportive of you "proof read?" he asked you as you lifted your head up "please" you said handing your computer over to jungwon. he read over your essay for the 15th time that night "it looks amazing, turn it in pretty girl" he said handing you your laptop back. you turned the essay in and hugged jungwon "i love you woonie" he smiled "i love you too y/nie"

ni-ki ♡ ♡ ♡

ni-ki smiled down at you as you two were wrapped up in a blanket watching a scary movie "aww pretty girl, are you scareeedddd" he said wrapping his arms around you making you jump a little bit "fuck ni-ki don't scare me like thattt" you said practically melting in ni-ki's touch. he smiled at you as you rested your head on ni-kis head. you flipped the hood up on ni-ki's hoodie that he left at your place last time you two hung out. he smiled and pressed a kiss to your temple

[koitarou]

|| fatherhood. ||

girldad!kiyoomi x fem!reader; wc: 1.2k of pure struggle; cw: reader is not present in the picture, imagine whatever happened to her, mid 50s kiyoomi, sad ish?, im thawing out cut me some slack, kiyoomi is a gorl dad missing you a/n: fuck you kevin hart, i wanted to watch a comedy movie and not BAWL. alexa play daddy issues

Kiyoomi guesses it’s been a while since he has missed you. 

Kokomi takes up every minute, every second he has to offer— not that he minds it. Maybe sometimes he hates it, hates being so preoccupied with her that forgets to miss you. The last thing he wants to do is forget you, even when he is old enough that his already greying hairs start to fall out.

You’ve been gone for long enough that he has forgotten what you felt like in his arms, how you smelled when he hugged you close to his chest. He hates that his senses are giving up on him.

But he hasn’t forgotten everything about you. He hasn’t forgotten the way you rolled your eyes at him whenever you disagreed, how you always latched onto his arm whenever you got scared watching a horror movie, how you kissed his forehead twice for each mole he has— because she does the same.

Kiyoomi is glad to have Kokomi in his life because everytime he looks at her, he sees you. It’s not a stretch when someone asks if he misses you and he says no, because he never will. He might forget what you feel like but he will never forget you, the you who gave him the best gift in the world, his daughter, his baby. 

The more she grows up, the more she resembles you. As he grows older, he sees Kokomi growing older and it’s bittersweet. He’s proud of her for everything she’s achieved in her life and proud of himself for bringing up his amazing daughter. It was tough at first, balancing his career and her, but with everyone's help, it was possible. It takes a village to raise a child, but what good is a village if it has no head. That’s what he felt like when he was just starting out, he felt lost without you to help him. He had his team, his village, to support him through thick and thin but he used to miss you. 

As the team grew and so did your daughter, he realised everything was indeed good. He feels proud of them as well, Atsumu, Bokuto, Hinata, Komori, everyone. 

He likes to believe you would’ve been proud too— of Kokomi, of the team. 

But he especially misses you today. Seeing your daughter off to college, he remembers your face glowing when you used to talk about milestones of your baby’s life and her going to college.

“Kiyo, she’s gonna be amazing I know it.”

“Yes baby, she will be,” “You have to lay off her though.”

“What”

“I know you'll be crying the day she goes to college and fussing all over her. Ugh, especially with boys”

“No, I won’t. Except boys, I don’t trust those hormone ridden monsters”

“Of course you don't, darling. Because you never were one, right? You were a toddler and straight up went to being an adult.”

And then you rolled your eyes at him the same way Kokomi is doing right now, “Dad, I’m going to be honest with you, I can’t swear off boys. I just can’t–”

“Yes, you can. Promise me.”

“Dad—

“Promise me that you’ll be my little girl forever, never leaving me, ever.”

“We’re literally standing in front of my dorm room. You’re gonna have to leave at some point.” She narrows her eyes at him, still holding onto his hand.

He notices that. There were a lot of things he saw of you in her but she was his daughter too, he notices the way she’s picking at her nails, a nervous habit she’s has had ever since she was 5. She doesn’t want him to leave, not with the grip she has on his hand. 

“You know I am here for you, right?”

“Yes, dad and I love you too.” Never good at words but they both managed, understood each other even though you weren’t there to do the talking for him.

“He’s bein’ mean again, y/n!”

“Tsumu you know he doesn’t mean that, he appreciates the thought you put into this gift.” “Yeah, I’m surprised he could think at all”

“Kiyo!– Tsumu, he means it’s great, he’s just affectionately dumb.”

He takes in a deep breath, the tingling sensation at the back of his throat feels familiar and he lets out a chuckle because he’s really going to cry now. Standing at her dorm room’s door, his heart feels heavy, and he’s looking at her now, ready to start a new chapter of her life, all on her own.

He cups her face and plants a kiss on her forehead, “One for me–” He kisses her temple, his hand holding the back of her head as she reaches out for a hug, “–and one for mom.”

She’s holding onto him tightly now, her fists balled up with the back of his jacket balled up in her fists, she mumbles, “I’m gonna miss you so much, dad. Promise to visit me, please?” 

“Every weekend, Kokomi, I promise.” He smiles and wraps his arms around her, cradling her head as he lets his jacket soak up her tears. He feels happy and he knows you would’ve been happy too and that’s all he needs to know.

Kokomi starts to draw back but he tightens his grip on her, and with a shaky voice, he whispers, “Give your old man a few more minutes more, please sweetheart.” 

Kokomi hums and they both stand there silently, until she breaks the silence with a ‘hey dad?’ and this time Kiyoomi hums in response, pulling away to look at her and finally let go.

“Mom would’ve been really proud of you.” 

Oh.

Kiyoomi doesn’t realise he is crying until he tastes the salty tears in his mouth and Kokomi wipes his cheeks, “And I am proud too. One more thing–” With a smile as she goes on her tippy toes to kiss his moles, “–One from me and one from mom.” 

Kiyoomi guesses it’s fine he didn’t miss you a lot, he never had to.

“And dad?”

“You weren’t serious about the ‘here every weekend’ thing though, right?”

“How much do you wanna bet at least one of your uncles will be here every weekend?”

Kokomi begins to whine in defiance to his response but is interrupted by a wailing Atsumu rushing towards them with Hinata, Bokuto and Komori in hot pursuit.

“Our baby’s all grown up!” Atsumu cries from behind Kiyoomi, sniffling and pushing him out of the way as he rushes to bring Kokomi into a bear hug and pats her head rather desperately, “Don’t forget about us, yeah?? And don’t forget us, we’re all here for ya. Also boy’s are disgustin’, ya won’t like ‘em anyways–”

“Why’s everyone obsessed with tha-”

In a flash, she’s squashed between 4 middle aged men bawling their eyes out and preaching they’re thoughts and views and promising to lay their lives down for her as she starts tearing up with them, telling them to take care of each other as well as her father since she won’t be there everyday.

Looking at this scene, Kiyoomi thinks his village did just fine. Plus he guesses it’s okay he didn’t get to miss you a lot because he believes it’s better to never not stop thinking about someone than miss them.

And he thinks– no he knows, you’re proud of him.

☆⌒ (ゝ。∂) ©️ all credits belongs to @koitarou 2022, do not repost, modify or translate my work on any platform. Plagiarism is strictly forbidden.

☆reblogs, likes and comments are super appreciated!

[dollboyshifter]

things im excited for - criminal minds dr

doing my first case with the bau. i'm meek and shy and overly polite and everyone is worried about me being a member of the team until there's a child in danger and i rush in, bullets flying, running in heels to grab the child and run. immediately everyone realises i was never unskilled, just not confident

going shopping with garcia

babysitting jack and henry

bau movie nights especially when i pick the movie. can you imagine rossi and hotch discussing the themes in promare? i can.

meeting the great agent gideon that i've heard so much about and he's a jackass. eventually he says something that pisses me off and i tell him just as much, causing him to proclaim that he likes me and that i'm a good asset to the team.

in season 6 when i've fully settled into the team and have gone from shy nerd to femme fatale and spencer realises that i'm not just objectively attractive from a scientific standpoint, i'm super fucking hot and he's into me

actually getting together with spence and having a fun little secret relationship for a few months before we get outed to the team

anything involving spencer protecting or defending me. alexa play olivia rodrigo prison for life

piggybacking off the last statement THAT ONE S11 EPISODE WHERE THE HITMAN IS KILLING HIS FORMER VICTIMS. WHEN THEY ALL DUCK BEHIND THE CAR TO AVOID THE GRENADE. I CAN JUST IMAGINE HIM INSTINCTIVELY SHIELDING ME <33

rossi walking me down the aisle, jack as the ring bearer and henry as the flower boy

meeting luke and watching him put together that spencer and i are married (we don't wear our rings in the field, and just bc two people have wedding rings doesn't mean they're married to each other).

luke helping us pull the same stunt on matt (not telling him and letting him figure it out)

eventually adopting with spence <3

being on the computer in my waiting room and seeing all the fan edits and posts about me

[forfuckssakejim]

So my grandpa AND grandma made an appearance the other day for my birthday party in the form of turning on the tv once more.

But along with his usual gimmicks (putting on Halloween and playing Irish music) at one point an airplay code popped up on the tv (after my grandma put on sound of music) and it changed twice it went back to the movie.

But then a few minutes later. FREAKING HOME VIDEOS STARTED PLAYING. And it was all videos of me at past birthdays with their voices in the back ground.

And then later while everyone was in the living room after dinner, Alexa went off and was like “Happy Birthday!” And started playing a song. I forgot what it was but is basically started out with “I’m so proud of the person you’ve become” and basically yeah, started bawling my eyes out.

And last night as we were getting ready for bed Alexa went off again with “Happy Birthday!” And started playing Irish music.

And we’re like “okay grandpa, cool tricks and all but it’s time for bed” and we told Alexa to shut up.

And then not even five minutes later Alexa pipes back up “Don’t ignore me! Happy Birthday!” And proceeded to play more Irish music 😭

Needless to say, def been crying a lot the last few days but this is so on par for them since my birthday is usually a week long celebration and my grandparents were like, the best about it and I’m sure the activity will only continue.

[underworld-park-offical]

TOLKIEN: Zzzzzzzzrzrzrzrrzzzz

TOLKIEN: Zzazzazazezezezezezrzrzzrrzrrr

PHONE: ♪ I'M A BARBIE GIRL ♪

PHONE: ♪ IN THE BARBIE WORLD ♪

PHONE: ♪ LIFE IN PLASTIC ♪

PHONE: ♪ IT'S FANTASTIC ♪

TOLKIEN: Huhhheheehdbfd…

TOLKIEN: Huh

TOLKIEN: What

TOLKIEN: What the fuck?

TOLKIEN: Why is my phone going off?

TOLKIEN: Are the fucking queers calling me again?

TOLKIEN: Eeeeyup its them

TOLKIEN: What

GARY: Have you ever been beaten by a wet spaghetti noodle by your girlfriend cuz she has a twin sister and you got confused and fucked her dad, well that’s how it feels to drive a Ford F-250. That sounds really cool. But you know what else is cool? The new 2020 Ford F-150, winner of 10 J.D. power awards. Perfect for hauling big things and going long distances. But you want to go offroad? Try the new Raptor Edition, which cannot just go offroad, it is perfect for going extreme off-roading. You can go rock climbing or across a desert, really quickly. It is also good for the great American thing - BBQs! In fact, you can haul MORE than one oven! That's pretty cool, huh? So hurry, and buy the new 2020 Ford F-150, now for sale at your local Ford dealership. RED: Wgat RED: Stop RED: Stop speaking BEBE: Girl get the tape from the backseat RED: Already on it NICHOLE: Heyyyy Tolkien NICHOLE: Did I wake you?

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: No..

NICHOLE: Oh NICHOLE: That’s  NICHOLE: That's good

TOLKIEN: What's going on

NICHOLE: So uhm NICHOLE: Ahahaha NICHOLE: Funny story

TOLKIEN: Nichole what did you do??

TOLKIEN: Did you fuckin

TOLKIEN: Commit fraud?

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: Again?

NICHOLE: What NICHOLE: No NICHOLE: Of course not NICHOLE: I am a law abiding citizen NICHOLE: Except for when it comes to the Barbie Movies

TOLKIEN: Okay? We’ve all  pirated a Barbie Movie

TOLKIEN: What makes you special?

TOLKIEN: If it's not fraud or piracy what did you even do

NICHOLE: There’s a sentient advertisement in our Porsche now

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: Excuse me?

NICHOLE: Yeah uh NICHOLE: We saw Gary NICHOLE: Or G-4R-Y if you wanna use his actual name? NICHOLE: Fuck I don't know anymore NICHOLE: He was walking in the cold for some reason? NICHOLE: And you know how he only speaks in ads?

TOLKIEN: We all do

BEBE: Wait BITCH do you think we could reprogram him to be like

BEBE: An ALEXA???

GARY: Need some music for that impromptu dance off? Ask Alexa to play songs or playlists from Prime Music and Spotify so you're always ready to show off your sweet moves-if that's what you call them ;) "Amazon Echo: Alec Baldwin and Missy Elliott Dance Party Commercial" via @popisms :https://www.popisms.com/TelevisionCommercial/126873/Amazon-Echo-Commercial-2016 GARY: I really don't want you to see me like this. You need some entrance music. Alexa, play Alex dance playlist. Playing Alex playlist. That's dance music? Alexa, play Pep Rally by Missy Elliott. Really? Perfect! I got a little something for you. It's beautiful. Does this mean I'm gonna be in your next video? Let me see what you got. (Lyrics) Anything you want me to (Lyrics) Pep rally, pep rally, pep rally Oh, this a pep rally Pep rally, pep rally, pep rally Bounce, biggity bounce, biggity-biggity bounce, bounce Where my clappers that stomp? Now rock with it Bounce, biggity bounce, biggity-biggity bounce via @popisms : https://www.popisms.com/TelevisionCommercial/126873/Amazon-Echo-Commercial-2016 GARY: I’m Gary! The Mormon who advertises! RED: I mean RED: I’ll become a mechanic if it gets him to stfu 💀💀💀 WENDY: No- RED- NO PUT THE WRENCH DOWN! RED: FUCK YOU GARY: The future. You used to chase it. Now you’re living in it. The Wavefront is an all-electric automobile that propels driving into a new era. With sleek, aerodynamic design, and ultrasonic sensors that prevent collisions, there’s no more getting left behind. Life’s short. Drive fast.  GARY: I’m Gary! The Mormon who advertises! RED: SHUT THE FUCK UP!! WENDY: RED!! NO!! BEBE: GIRLY POPS AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU BEBE: I'M GONNA HIT A DEER IF YOU ALL DONT HUSH RED: WENDY LET ME GO I'M GONNA KILL HIM WENDY: WE ARE NOT KILLING THE AD NICHOLE: SHUT THE FUCK UP IM ON THE PHONE BEBE: SHUT THE FUCK UP I'M DRIVING!!!! RED: CAN I THROW HIM OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR??!?!?!?!?!? WENDY AND NICHOLE: NO!!! NICHOLE: Tolkien I'm gonna have to let you go NICHOLE: We might die- NICHOLE: RED PUT DOWN THE WRENCH YOU'RE GONNA KILL SOMEONE! RED: THAT'S THE GOAL!! GARY: As a parent, I want to know that my kids are safe wherever they are. That includes riding in the car. With the new Carpool Optic from Solar I can breathe easy knowing my kids will arrive where they need to safely – whether I am the driver or not. RED: AUGHHHH!!!!!! NICHOLE: I’m hanging up now NICHOLE: MMMMMMMMMOKAYBYE

TOLKIEN: Bye?

(Beep Beep Beep)

TOLKIEN: Jesus christ

TOLKIEN: (Yawn)

TOLKIEN: Man

KENNY: Hey

TOLKIEN: Ah!

TOLKIEN: Oh my god I got jumpscared by a fucking queer!

KENNY: Oh hardy har har har

KENNY: You got games on yo phone?

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: What

KENNY: Do you got games

KENNY: On yo phone

TOLKIEN: I mean like

TOLKIEN: I got like

TOLKIEN: Subway surfers??

TOLKIEN: If

TOLKIEN: If that works???

TOLKIEN: Uh

TOLKIEN: Ok?????

TOLKIEN: Here

KENNY: Thanks

KENNY: Oh yeah, can I call my sister while I play subway surfers?

KENNY: I gotta make sure she’s not

KENNY: Yknow

KENNY: Fuckin’ dead

TOLKIEN: No you’re gonna kill my damn battery

TOLKIEN: Just call your sister you dont need to play fucking subway surfers

KENNY: Fine

KENNY: Killjoy

TOLKIEN: Ugh

KAREN: I can't believe McDonald's served me that lukewarm fucking patty 

KAREN: And then had the AUDACITY to tell me KAREN: That it gets cold over time!?!?

KAREN: I think they just undercooked it ON PURPOSE to make ME look like an idiot

TRICIA: Damn, that's crazy

(🎵 KAREN METAL 🎵 )

KAREN: OH MY GOD

KAREN: WHO'S CALLING ME AT EXACTLY 1:59 IN THE MORNING?!?!?

TRICIA: Bro just say 2 AM 💀

TRICIA: …

TRICIA: I can’t believe I just said that out loud

KAREN: WHAT?!?!?

KENNY: Hi

KAREN: WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME?!?!?

KAREN: DO YOU KNOW HOW LATE IT IS?!?!?!

KAREN: I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER

KENNY: Sis it's me

KAREN: UGHHHHH

KAREN: You missed your nail appointment

KENNY: Shiiiit that was today?

KAREN: You still owe me the money for it

KENNY: … KENNY: Karen, we don't have money, we’re poor

KAREN: Get a job

KENNY: …I do have a job

KAREN: Okay so then you have money?

KENNY: No

KAREN: That doesn't make sense

KENNY: Anyways- KENNY: You alive?

KAREN: Clearly

KENNY: Okay cool KENNY: So uh KENNY: There's demons around, I hope they find you and kill you and you die bye

KAREN: …What?

KAREN: Tricia do you know what the fuck he’s talking about?

TRICIA: No

TRICIA: Also stop calling on speakerphone

TRICIA: You remind me of my brother (derogatorily) 

TRICIA: …

TRICIA: WHY DO I KEEP DOING THAT!?!??!

TRICIA: UGHHH

TRICIA: I’m gonna go yell at my brother by cursing me into the influencer gene pool

TRICIA: You wanna come?

KAREN: If I get to yell at someone, of course

TRICIA: Be-

TRICIA: …

TRICIA: I'm not even gonna say that 

CRAIG: Who the fuck where you talking to

CRAIG: I feel like they were talking shit smh my head

KENNY: Oh just my bitch sister and your bitch sister

KENNY: Told her she was gonna die soon

CRAIG: LMAOOOO I’m dead 💀💀💀

KENNY: Lol it was funny she was so mad

TOLKIEN: I swear to god you guys are the same person sometimes

CRAIG: Smh my head no literally untrue

KENNY: Common Tolkien L

TOLKIEN: I want you both dead

CRAIG: …

KENNY: …

TRICIA: Okay where tf is blud

TRICIA: I'm gonna kill his ass

KAREN: Ugh

KAREN: He probably set up Kenny to fucking prank us

KAREN: Going to yell at them both when we find them

TRICIA: For real

TRICIA: Smh my fucking head

TRICIA: OH MY GOD CAN I STOP DOING THAT!?!?

KAREN: There's his door

KAREN: Should I kick it down?

TRICIA: No he will literally kill me

TRICIA: Instead we’re gonna go in his room

TRICIA: Steal all his shit

TRICIA: And fucking burn it

KAREN: Ohh yay! Property damage! My favorite!

TRICIA: Shhh shhh shhhh

TRICIA: Stfu

TRICIA: He’ll hear us

KAREN: No

KAREN: You're not the boss of me

TRICIA: Okay

TRICIA: On three

TRICIA: One- Two-

KAREN: THREE

KAREN: Ew it's so dark in here

KAREN: It smells like fucking Ccool Ranch Doritos in here

TRICIA: Shut the fuck up

TRICIA: He’s gonna hear you

TRICIA: I know where he keeps his Supreme hoodies

TRICIA: HOOOOOLY SHIT IS THAT A DEAD BODY!??!?!?!?

KAREN: AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

KAREN: WE ARE GONNA DIE

KAREN: GET THE MANAGER!!

TRICIA: SHUT THE FUCK UP THE KILLER COULD STILL BE HERE YOU QUEERMO

GREGORY AND ESTELLA: Shhhhh he eepy

TRICIA: …

KAREN: …

TRICIA: …

KAREN: …

TRICIA: …

KAREN: …

TRICIA: …

KAREN: …

TRICIA: …

KAREN: …

TRICIA: …

KAREN: …

TRICIA: …

KAREN: …

KAREN AND TRICIA: AAAAAAAAAAA-

TRICIA: Okay

TRICIA: HAILLLL NAWHHHHH

KAREN: I’m calling the police

TRICIA: That is the smartest thing you could ever do

KAREN: Hello? 911?

KAREN: Hi yeah, there's some queers in our house

KAREN: Please come

KAREN: Bye

(Edits made by @pissblanket and @cattpup5)

[kalyxvfx]

POLICE OFFICER ELLIE

Ellie x fem!reader

Summary: Ellie doesn’t have much time left over for you so you’re confronting her. 

Content: angsty stuff, sweet story

Note: This is my first story so if there’s something not right with it or it doesn’t really make sense at some points feel free to tell me! I’m open for any criticism. I hope you’ll enjoy reading this!

Word count: 743

Another evening where you come home to an empty apartment with the lights off and just silence. Since Ellie got this job, which she worked very hard for, she always comes home very late in the evening or she doesn’t have much time for you anymore. 

You love her, but you get kinda jealous of all the people that get to see her every day for several hours and you know it is a little pathetic but you couldn’t help yourself.

Throwing your bag in the corner next to the dresser, you take off your jacket and shoes. It’s October so it is really cold and rainy out there so you’re very glad that you finally come home after a stressful day at work.

Today a new trainee came to you in the office and you were the one who had to take care of her. She, Linda, always made mistakes that you had to fix afterwards. You could understand her since it was her first day but it was kind of annoying to you.

It is already 9pm so you start to wonder where your precious girlfriend is right now. After a few minutes you decide to call her, but you just hear the voice of her lovely mailbox. 

“She has never been this late” you mumble to yourself. Maybe the day is as stressful for her as for you, you think.

Walking over to the kitchen you start to cook because waiting on Ellie will just drive you crazy or you’ll get frustrated. “Alexa, play “Blank Space” from Taylor swift on a low volume” you say to this little speaker which is standing on the dining room table.

After a while of cooking and enjoying the music in the background, you finally hear a key on the other side of the door.

“Hey babe, I’m home” Ellie says a little bit tired when the door opens. “Hey, how was your day?” You ask while she closes the door behind her and slips out of her shoes. She looks as if she had been run over, or at least like she needs 10 days of sleep. 

Ellie is coming towards you as she replies “Good I guess.” in an exhausted tone. Good I guess? “An interesting answer when you’re away the whole day” You say with a hint of upsetness while she sights and you continue “and couldn’t even call your girlfriend back.”

You know that she probably has much to do at work and maybe it’s unfair to say it like this but you don’t see her that often anyway, and she can’t even call back?

“Okay babe, hear me out-” she tries to say but you cut her off. “No, no hear me out, I don’t get to see you much anyway and I just wanted to have a calm evening with you, eating your favorite dish, watching a movie together and laugh with you, you’ve been promising this to me since forever now” You explain more upset now than before.

Ellie looks at you a little bit disappointed by herself, “I’m so sorry my love, I didn’t know that this is hurting you so much.” She says while she comes to stand by your side, putting her arms around your back from behind. A faint sob escapes you and Ellie instantly knows that this can’t continue like this

“Hey, don’t you cry, we’ll find a solution okay?” She emphasizes, giving you a kiss on your temple. Just as she does, your head feels as light as a feather. You missed this, all of this. “Okay.” you slowly say, placing your hands at Ellies hands at your lower stomach.

“I’ll speak with my boss tomorrow and try to get better work hours. I don’t want you to be so sad. Why haven’t you said something before?” She asks softly, hugging you a little bit tighter now.

Why haven’t you said something to her before? Why did it bother you so much and you haven’t said something? Was it really so hard to say? Maybe, you think, not really able to get an answer out of your head except that all those worries were just ridiculous now that you think of it.

Her reaction was so lovely and that’s why you love her. “I love you” You say, turning your head to her. “I love you too.” She responds with a slight smile as she kisses your lips.

Communication is key.

[cellarspider]

18/30 Alexa, play Despacito

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And now, we return to Prometheus, which is trying to redeem the last two fifths of itself through blood sacrifice. Content warning for discussion of eyeball nastiness and death by immolation, Holloway.

Taking things slightly out of chronology this time, because there’s an excellent, quiet scene sandwiched in between lots of screaming: I'm sure they meant to put it in juxtaposition with this to heighten the emotion, but I refuse. We'll save that one for later. As a treat for me. And now, as a treat for me, Holloway is dying! Hurray!

So, turns out we’re spinning the wheel of Inconsistent, Ominous Black Goo effects again, and landed on “hangovers aren’t supposed to make your eyes grow tentacles”.

Holloway, apparently in denial, does not recall this fact until he’s gone out with what could generously be called a rescue party, to try and locate Millburn and Fifield. Janek belatedly and unwisely goes along to help, while David appears to go on a pleasant Sunday drive in his golf cart. He’s heading to a better scene, the lucky scamp.

Millburn is very dead–a rubber snake jumps out of his mouth, so you know he’s toast. Fifield’s body is nowhere to be found, and it will make an underwhelming return later.

Holloway collapses, covered in creeping black veins. Shaw finds this distressing. I would be fascinated to know if anybody in the audience agreed with her. I usually would, if only because certain kinds of screaming can kick me into sensory overload, but apparently there’s a psychological component to that response. And so I placidly watched Vickers meet them at the Prometheus vehicle bay with a flamethrower.

I appreciate her belated interest in quarantine and sanitation, but frankly, it’s a little late for that. I already had my rant on that earlier. At this point, things have gotten so bad that even Holloway realizes that the only solution is to go 40k on his ass.

[Video description: A 40k meme clipped from TheRussianBadger’s review of the game Space Hulk: Deathwing: A player says “BROTHER. GET THE FLAMER. THE HEAVY. FLAMER.” Sudden cut to almost incomprehensibly fiery gameplay, with a dramatic choral soundtrack and in-game voice lines “WE ARE THE ANGELS OF DEATH!” “MY FURY IS MADE MANIFEST!”, and ends right before a player yells “I WOULD LIKE TO REGISTER A COMPLAINT” and spins wildly around, spraying flames everywhere.]

Yes, Holloway burns to a crisp! I don’t know what the movie wants me to feel here, but whatever it is, I did not feel it. Did it want me to feel sad about this, because Shaw doesn’t want this to happen? Does it intend to raise the tension by having things spiral further out of control, demonstrating that a drop of the Ominous Black Goo is enough to kill a man in under a day? Am I supposed to take sick satisfaction in watching him die? All these are possible in bog standard horror movies.

However, this is a movie that wants to speak to something thematically. Holloway is positioned as a character we are not necessarily supposed to find sympathetic. As previously mentioned, the Engineers did not invite humanity to this planet. They were warning humans that if they continued to stray in their behavior, they would be killed by something that would come from here. 

Perhaps we are thus supposed to be asking questions about this: why would the Engineers do this? Why create humanity and then threaten to destroy their creations? What was their justification? David has turned this weapon on Holloway, making the choice that at least one man deserves the fate the Engineers planned for all humanity. Does he deserve that? Does anyone?

I was not thinking any of those things in the theater. Because what I actually felt was a desire to return to the scene interwoven with this one, which we will get to next time. This is the danger of creating an unlikeable, expendable character: the audience may feel no pathos when they die, nor question the death’s necessity. If they’re not along for the ride, then they may simply shrug.

Particularly when the rest of the movie is such a mess. This is only their second day on the planet, does anyone else remember that? I mean, I’ve been here for what feels like eternity, but they behaved so stupid, so fast, that this feels less like the inevitable falling apart of dozens of smaller mistakes, and more like one gigantic katamari of mistakes that will not stop rolling until it has collected every mistake in the world, and is thus deemed worthy of becoming a star all on its own, to forever shine out how badly they fucked it all up.

Next time: one of the two good scenes people tend to remember.

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Citations for alt-text rambles:

https://www.swtor.com/ 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSpFnDQr88xCZ80N-X7t0nQ 

https://youtu.be/vy5fgDvb9-c HYEEh-HAA!

Overflow Ramble, because tumblr lets you put in more alt-text than it will actually display in-browser:

A wide shot of Holloway with his arms outstretched, walking toward the vehicle bay ramp. Is this pose supposed to be a crucifixion allusion? I hope not! That would be baffling. Though as these posts have proven, something being baffling doesn’t rule out Prometheus doing it. Shaw is on the ground behind them, restrained by Janek. 

I’m trying to figure out if this was done on a studio stage, or on location. You’d think the latter wouldn’t be possible, but I’ve seen behind the scenes shots of them filming in the volcanic desert of Iceland, they definitely were in places that looked similar. But the background may still be fake after a certain point–outdoor green screens are a thing. 

The lighting on Janek and Shaw doesn’t quite feel right. Part of it’s the shadows: they’re darker on the people than in the background, which is a common problem for CG elements.The visual fidelity of the gravel behind them kind of has a sudden shift about halfway up Shaw’s head, and I’m not sure if that’s just focus or what.

If it is a composite of real and CG, it makes sense that it looks a bit off, though: these are background elements that are not supposed to be your main focus, on a shot that’s not held for too long. There’s always been trade-offs like that in visual effects, they’ve just shifted over the years. Anyway, back to Charlize Theron with a flamethrower.

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[foreos]

The Muppets Present: The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals

based on @the-muppets-present. saw their rule list and felt inspired. might do the other hatchetfield shows later if i feel so inclined :)

i just felt like the story of “average office worker who hates musicals gets trapped in a musical” was just begging to be muppetified.

so, without further ado,

ted- guys i went through so many options for ted. it was immediately hard. eventually i decided on rizzo, because i feel like similarly to ted, he’s kind of an asshole that causes problems for himself and everyone around him. plus, the “kick my head!” scene is even funnier if ted is like. one foot tall.

bill- kermit. i think kermit can and should be a sad dad. bill is like the most earnest man in hatchetfield and the idea of kermit being deeply disappointed that his friend won’t help him reconnect with his estranged daughter because he hates musicals so much is so funny to me.

professor hidgens- gonzo. duh. camilla is alexa. gonzo is the most eccentric bitch in the cast and would 100% kill people to get his musical produced. imagine gonzo shouting “come on you bastard!” at the apocalypse. gonzo would get struck by lightning and climb out of a pile of his friends’ bodies. he just would.

charlotte- miss piggy. stay with me here. from a meta standpoint, i always find it funny when piggy plays the secondary female role in a muppet movie and gets annoyed about it in interviews. from a character standpoint, post-infection charlotte’s high energy would be great to see if it was performed by the one and only piggy. imagine miss piggy singing join us and die. imagine the beginning part. she just beats the shit out of rizzo. gonzo shoots her.

mr. davidson- fozzie. idk i just got a mental image of him putting the newspaper down like jeff blim does at the beginning of the song and then fucking. waggling his ears.

sam- this one was hard because i had to think of you tied up my heart and show me your hands. i eventually picked link hogthrob. sam’s a pig, link’s a pig, etc.

alice- janice. hear me out. it’s not just because she’s “the other girl muppet.” imagine if alice just looked at bill and went “whatever, man” and walked away. truthfully thinking more about watcher world than tgwdlm for this one.

paul- jon matteson. paul stays the same, babeyyy. i think it just adds another fucking layer to his panic because not only is everyone randomly singing around him, they’re fucking muppets. just imagine la dee dah dah day if he was surrounded by muppets. he’s just some guy in a weird situation, and just some guy he shall stay.*

emma- lauren lopez. so i am breaking the number one rule of muppetfication to keep emma the same, but there’s a method to my goddamn madness. the only person paul can relate to in hatchetfield is the one other human being. plus, again, imagine the end of inevitable with emma screaming and crying while surrounded by fucking muppets.

*so i lied. just some guy he shall not stay. when inevitable starts, you first hear paul’s voice. he’s singing, just like he does in the show. emma very quietly goes “paul?” the same way, too. but what’s different is you can’t see paul. the camera pans over.

paul is a muppet.

he’s one of the lookalike ones, like from the first two episodes of the show and the jason segel one from the 2011 muppet movie.

“paul, you’re scaring me” indeed.

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Curtis And Honey Autumn This Or That 🍂

Week Four: Apple Picking or Carving Pumpkins

Summary- Short Drabble. Curtis Everett x Plus!Sized Reader. You have the picnic table all set up for a fun little competition between you and Curtis.

Warnings- mentions of IT.

This is an 18+ Only Blog

A/N- Thank you everyone for reading, commenting, and sharing! I loved this one, it was such a cute moment for them and I hope you all enjoy it as well. Please remember to vote on Friday for next week's choice. Happy Reading!

Curtis and Honey's This or That Masterlist

Life Is Short So Make It Sweet Masterlist

You had the perfect afternoon. The chill was in the air but it wasn’t freezing cold, the sun was bright in a blue sky that lit up the whole backyard for this moment, and you had Curtis, assessing his pumpkin with a smirk of excitement that showed he was up for the challenge. “Oh Honey, you know that carving pumpkins is my specialty.” His brow arched, head tilting as if asking you if you were ready.

You narrowed your eyes, smirking right back at him as you picked up your weapon of choice, a large orange pumpkin scooper ready to tackle that pumpkins innards. “Then you shouldn’t be worried about little old me kicking your ass at pumpkin carving. You win, you get bragging rights to being the Halloween Pumpkin King and choice of scary movie tonight.” 

He grabbed for his own pumpkin scooper, ready to start cleaning his own massive pumpkin out. “I do like it when you call me King, Pretty Girl. Alright if you win you get the obvious Pumpkin Queen and any fall themed movie you want.” 

“Hocus Pocus.” You automatically said, as if he hadn’t already watched that with you just last week when you were scrolling disney plus on the bedroom television.

“You and Binx are obsessed.” He teased as he rolled up his sleeves and flipped his baseball cap around to get serious about what was about to happen. 

“We did name him Binx for a reason Curtis.” Your tone raised slightly, aiming it towards the kitchen window nearby the picnic table, the window open to have your echo dot sitting in it. “Alexa, play Honey’s Badass Halloween playlist.” You listened and when the beginning of Ghostbusters started playing, you and Curtis sprung into action and started scooping out innards as fast as possible. 

“We keeping these seeds?” Curtis asked as he twisted his pumpkin around to scrape the sides, while you ditched your scooping spoon to start using both hands, pulling out the orange strands of pumpkin guts, the slippery seeds scattering across the picnic table that was now a carving station. 

“Later I will roast them for us. Right now Everett you just focus on carving.” 

You glanced up to catch sight of him mimicking looking at you, your eyes meeting his playful blue eyes lighting up at you, a quick second passing between the two of you before both dropped to focus on the pumpkins again. “I already got mine planned out Y/L/N.” He grabbed at a sharpie, making sure to turn away from you to sketch out his outline. 

“Yeah, yeah, you think you got this already don't you. Fooled you, I have been practicing.” You retorted, grabbing at the other sharpie and starting your own sketch. Curtis paused, his knife half into the first cut, his assured grin turning into a questioning scowl. 

“Time out, you already were practicing without me knowing? Isn't that breaking some kind of rule?!” 

“Hell no, we never stated what the conditions of the challenge were. Snooze, you lose Curtis.” Confidently you stabbed into your pumpkin, rushedly carving out the first piece like you were in a race against time. Curtis went back to carving, muttering to himself. 

“Snooze you lose Curtis, just wait till next year Honey. Imma cover our porch in them just to practice.” You giggled hearing him, chucking the first cut out towards him which he ducked all while still carving his own, the tip of his tongue sticking out of his mouth and his brows furrowed while he put all his concentration into what he was doing. As soon as he popped out the first chunk, he reached over and slipped the obstructive piece into your pumpkin, making you lose precious seconds carving having to get it out. You cried out a protesting sound that he was hindering your progress which was playing dirty. 

“Now Pretty Girl, we never said we couldn’t mess with each other’s progress, remember?” He teased while grabbing another tool to start scrapping against the pumpkin flesh, purposely not cutting the next part out. 

“How bad do you want those roasted seeds?” You sliced into another piece of your pumpkin. 

“Whoa whoa whoa, you’re not holding future snacks out on us are you?” Another part down for Curtis as he went for his knife again, turning once more to make sure his pumpkin stayed out of your sight. “Cause that’s just mean.” 

“I’m tempted too.” You hurriedly sliced out the last piece and set your knife down, throwing up your hands in triumph. “Done!” 

Within seconds Curtis did the same, throwing his hands up, palms showing he had no tools, and stepped away from his. “Okay you had ten seconds, but you’re gonna love mine this year so worth it.” 

“Mmmhm, sure, we will see. Mine is pretty badass.” You grasped your pumpkin. “Okay, close your eyes and I will put them side by side.” You waited while he made a show of his eyes closed, tilting his head up towards the sky to keep from looking. You twisted your massive pumpkin around to set it near his. Putting a hand over your eyes to keep from peeking and worked your way around the table towards his side. Once you pressed in against his muscled chest under a soft sweatshirt, you turned facing the pumpkins. His arms went around you and you soaked in the feeling of his embrace for a few seconds. “Okay, look!” You both dropped your gazes to admire them side by side. 

Curtis’s pumpkin had an outline of a cat in front of a moon and above it had Binx’s Witch House carved in it. Your pumpkin had taken some planning, but a rendition of the original Tim Curry Pennywise graced the front, making Curtis cringe and hold you tighter. “Okay yours is officially the scarier Honey.” He shivered, making you fist pump your victory. “You purposely chose Pennywise, didn’t you?” 

“Sure did, I wanted a classic.” You said while he stepped closer, inspecting yours closer. “But yours…” You traced Binx’s name in it, making you sigh happily at the addition to your lives. “I love it, you win.” 

“Fuck that, look at yours.” Curtis hefted your massive gourd up into his arms, already marching for the front of the house. “This is the obvious winner. Getting a prime spot on the porch.” 

“What! No.” You hurried after him, not daring to carry his artwork in case you dropped it. “I want Binx’s Witch House on the steps by the mums!” 

You two finally ended up compromising that you both had the best pumpkins after a debate, deeming you both the winners. At least for this year.