#Alex Danvers fic

[natalievoncatte]

It wasn’t Kara that destroyed her.

In her secret heart, Lena craved that. She wanted Kara to give back everything Lena had thrown at her. Defeat her. Crush her. Cast her down and treat her like a villain. After all, why had Kara lied? Conspired? Tricked her and manipulated her? Why do all that if she wasn’t a villain?

In her quietest moments with Myriad in her hands or staring at the twisted visage of an alien murderer, a quiet voice from deep within her whispered the truth she could never let herself feel:

This is what you are. It’s in the blood.

If Kara would just treat her like a villain, it would all make sense. There would be no more nagging doubts, no more questions, no more hateful longing. Lena has done everything she could to carve it out of her chest, but it gave her no relief, only the raw throbbing pain of a ragged wound that wouldn’t close.

Then she had been at L-Corp when Jess ran into her office in a blind panic, shouting that she had to turn the television on now, that something terrible had happened.

Lena stared at her dumbly because she already knew. She could feel it somehow, a wash of graveyard chill that enveloped her from nowhere and froze the rotten lump where her heart had been. Her hand shook as she lifted the remote and turned on the screen.

The news chyron stuck her like a hammer blow to the chest and her pathetic excuse for a last meal -a cold half of a Big Belly burger she’d eaten the night before- leapt into her throat, trying to escape.

Supergirl Dead?

They hadn’t called her, and why would they? Why seek her help after all she’d done?

Lena pushed to her feet, almost tumbling to the floor in the process. The news was repeating a ten-second clip, showing a red-white beam slicing through the midday air, so bright that it distorted the image as it struck a tiny blue and red blur and knocked her out of the sky as if a giant hand had swatted her to the ground.

She was moving before she realized she’d taken a step.

“Cancel all my meetings,” Lena snapped.

“But the Japanese investors,” Jess said, lamely.

“Fuck the Japanese investors, cancel all my meetings!”

She pushed past Jess and stormed to her private elevator, twisting the key so hard it nearly snapped. She paced the full two minutes it took to to descend to the garage. There would be no summoning a driver. She ran barefoot across the parking garage floor to the Bugatti and threw herself inside.

When she arrived at the DEO, there was chaos. It took a moment before anyone noticed a barefoot, red-eyed Lena Luthor running into the lobby in a blind panic. When they did notice, she was immediately tackled by two of their goons and handcuffs slammed on her wrists.

“What the hell are you doing?” she demanded. “I’m here to help!”

“Shut up,” the agent growled.

They sent jolts of pain up her arms as they took her in. She thought they were going to take the handcuffs off, but instead they cuffed one hand to a chain locked to a ring in the middle of a concrete table in an interrogation room.

“What the hell?” Lena screamed. “I’m here to help her!”

The door slammed heavily shit and Lena raged, yanking at the handcuffs in a futile gesture that only left her wrist raw. She thought about trying to pick them, but at this rate they might shoot her if she looked to escape. Her stomach sank and she began to spiral.

She’s dead. She’s dead and they’re going to blame me.

Hot tears burned in her eyes and she willed them not to fall, holding them back with all her might, but it was inevitable.

Finally, after what felt like half a day, Alex walked in. Lena knew at once that something terrible had happened. Kara’s sister looked like hell, with dark circles under her eyes and a pained look. She regarded Lena as if she were some ugly thing that crawled out of a crack in the foundations.

“What are you doing here?” said Alex.

“I told your thugs, I’m here to help. You’re wasting time, I need to see her now.”

“Why,” Alex said, “why on God’s green earth would I let you anywhere near her?”

Lena blinked. “At least tell me what’s wrong. I might be able to…”

“You locked her in a kryptonite cage. You talked her into breaching her morals to carry out your sick schemes. You aimed a kryptonite cannon at her face.”

“I…”

“You what? You didn’t mean it?”

“Alex,” Lena began.

“Shut up. You had me fooled, Luthor. Kara always believed in you. I didn’t. I tried to convince her to be as afraid of her as I was. I just want to know, why now? She left you alone like you wanted. You’ve been quiet. Kara insisted we give you a chance and let you be, a choice I now deeply regret. So why now? What did she do to deserve this?”

The cold fury radiating from Alex choked Lena up for a moment. Her mouth worked silently.

“You think I did this?”

“Why not? You’ve hurt her twice already.”

“I didn’t. I would never. I didn’t want her to die. I just wanted to…”

“To what?”

Lena swallowed hard, speaking before thinking.

“I wanted her to feel what I was feeling.”

Alex’s eyes narrowed and her expression went dark and hard, something vicious twisting her lips. Her hand twitched towards the bulky alien gun on her hip.

With her other hand, she pulled out a phone and turned it to Lena.

Lena’s stomach flipped when she saw Lex’s grinning face.

“I hope you enjoy your new present,” he said into the camera. “A Kryptonite particle beam enhanced with a high-powered laser tuned to a wavelength that will instantly negate her powers.”

Lex’s grin widened.

“Lena sends her regards.”

Lena blinked a few times. She wanted to thrash, yank her chain, accuse, scream.

“That’s impossible.”

“Why, because you wouldn’t?”

“I killed him,” Lena breathed.

“What?”

“Lex. Lex is dead. I killed him. I killed him!” she was almost hysterical. “I put two shots in his chest and one in his head like he taught me himself. After he escaped last time I killed him.”

Alex’s expression faltered.

“You think I’ll believe that?” she said, but sounded unsure.

“When I was twelve and Lex was away at school, Lillian got drunk and threatened me. I was scared to death she meant it. Lex gave me our father’s gun and taught me to shoot.” A brief, weak smile cursed her lips. “I didn’t realize until a lot later how fucked up that is, but it’s one of my favorite memories of him.”

“You’re telling me you killed him,” said Alex. “After you went behind our backs and used the Hardin-El to heal his ‘cancer.’”

“He was my brother.”

“And you say you killed him.”

Lena looked down, away from her. Tears fell on the table with a soft patter and she choked back a hitching sob.

“She became his new fixation. He was never going to stop. I did what I had to do.”

Alex went silent. Her hand hung by her hip and part of Lena hoped she’d make it fast, the same part that flinched when Alex moved.

The key twisted in the lock and the cuffs ratcheted open. Alex gave her arm a sharp tug. “Get up.”

Lena wobbled to her feet.

“What are you doing?”

“Shut up and walk.”

Alex led her to the elevator, and down a corridor. Kara’s frail form lay behind a layer of plastic curtains, bathed in brilliant light from sunlamps.

“If she comes around,” Alex said, her voice flat. “You can never tell her. She’ll blame herself.”

Alex parted the curtains and led Lena inside. Kara lay n a stretcher with a layer of bandages wound around her bare torso, looking pale and drawn. Her skin shone with a cold sweat and there were dark circles around her eyes. She lay in a nest of wires and was on oxygen.

“My God,” Lena whispered.

“It was like he said. Some kind of particle beam combined with the laser. It’s like she was impaled through the chest with superheated Kryptonite. If Jon hadn’t caught her, the impact would have been fatal.”

Alex rattled it all off with a cold, medical detachment, except for the tension creaking in around the edges of her voice and the way her shoulder hitched.

“You’ve hurt her so much,” Alex whispered. “I don’t think I’m ever going to fully trust you again. But for the love of God, if you can fix her then fix her.”

“I will,” Lena said, the CEO creeping back into her voice. “I’ll need materials from my lab. I’ll give a Brainy a list. I’m not leaving her.”

Lena did not sleep for another thirty-six hours. She worked tirelessly alongside Brainy, who regarded her curiously as she hunched over lab benches and uploaded instructions to nanites.

Finally she said, “what? Why are you looking at me like that?”

He turned back to his own task without answering her.

An hour later, Alex stormed in.

“She’s getting worse. Whatever you’re doing, you have to hurry.”

Brainy turned from his lab bench and took Alex’s arm. He led her into the hall and they had a clipped, quiet conversation that Lena could not hear, except for Alex’s startled cry of “WHAT?”

It didn’t matter, she was finished. She took the devil in her hands and rushed through the door.

“Let’s go, we can’t waste anymore time.”

Alex openly gaped at her, then looked at Brainy. The expression of utter shock on her face arrested Lena in her tracks.

“What?”

“I,” Alex began, but Brainy grabbed her arm and squeezed hard.

“Let’s go,” said Alex.

Lena swept into the lab carrying the module in her hands as if it were made of precious gold.

“Turn off the sunlamps,” Lena ordered the technicians. “If the poisoning progresses, they’ll kill her faster than they heal her.”

Once they were off, Lena placed the device on Kara’s chest and stepped back.

Its sensors detected the Kryptonite and the system deployed. The pod unfolded like a delicate composite flower, and a wave of nanobots poured over Kara’s skin, instantly devouring and reprogramming the nanites in the wreckage of her suit while consuming the linens and bandages to grant the system more mass.

The entire process unfolded in seconds. It ensconced her in a protective layer and expanded, rapidly building an entire protective pod around her body. Dozens of tiny needles inserted dozens of cannulas into her arms and legs and began pumping her full of nanites, sending them storming through her bloodstream.

Lena bit her lip: there was nothing to do now except watch as the system’s AI administered rapid pulses of red and yellow light to balance the speed of her healing as the nanites in her bloodstream identified irradiated particles and consumed them, using them to make more of themselves.

She sat down. She knew this would take hours.

It ended up taking three days.

Lena slept in the side chair by the bed until someone brought her an uncomfortable recliner. Alex came in and out, as did Brainy and Nia, all of them looking at her oddly.

Finally the pod made a pleasant tone and unfolded. Kara lay on her side within, the nanites having formed a new suit top around her to preserve her modesty. She still wasn’t awake, but she was breathing normally and looked for all the world like her usual beautiful self. Lena was alone with her when it happened, and was glad of it. No one saw her brush the loose strands of gold from her face, and no one saw her rest her palm on Kara’s warm cheek.

They all piled on eventually.

Kara did not wake up.

“Why isn’t she coming around?” Alex demanded. “Why doesn’t she wake up?”

“She’s in a Kryptonian healing trance,” said Brainy. “It’s part of the healing process. She will wake when she is ready.”

“When the hell will that be?”

“We should give Lena the room.”

“What? Why?”

“Trust me,” Brainy said firmly.

Lean was as bewildered as Alex. What was she supposed to do?

When they were gone, she caught herself reflected in the monitors around the bed. She looked like shit, with barely one day’s sleep in four. As haggard as she looked, she didn’t care.

What the hell? It couldn’t hurt.

Lena bent over the bed, leaning on one hand, and took Kara’s in the other.

“I don’t know if you’re in there, but if you can hear me, it’s safe now. You can wake up. We’re all here for you. I’m here.”

It might have been the exhaustion, or the desperation, or the sorrow that filled her to bursting like a molten pain, but something happened and Lena let slip something that she’d held so tight she was sure her heart had long since crushed it.

“I love you, Kara. You don’t have to love me back. You don’t even have to like me. But I need you in the world. I need you. I need you, not Supergirl. I need Kara. I need my Kara. Please, if you’re in there at all,”

Kara’s eyes fluttered open. “Lena?”

“I’m here.”

Kara blinked a few times, and her hand closed gently around Lena’s.

“I had a bad dream,” she said. “It hurt so much, it felt like my heart was ripped out and I was in a dark place, and then I heard your voice leading me home.”

Lena grinned in spite of herself, tears stinging her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Kara. For everything.”

“Hush,” Kara whispered, her angelic voice full of quiet wisdom. “We can do that later. You’re tired. Lay down.”

Lena hesitated for a bare moment and then kicked off her shoes before climbing on next to her. Once she was lying down, sleep came crashing down on her like an avalanche as Kara threw an arm over her and tucked in close.

As she drifted off, Lena heard Alex, somewhere in the hall, snap, “Brainy, you knew this entire time?!”

[lucyllawless]

[rainbow-rebellion]

Happy three years to “Kara leaned in”!

“It’s only because you’re on the team that I’m here,” she murmured in Lena’s ear, holding the other woman in her arms as close as she could without hurting her. It was the truth, but somehow it just didn’t feel like enough. And how could it, when there were so many more truths hammering away at the walls of her heart, begging to be let free? Kara wasn’t sure if there were enough words to say what she longed to. To tell her best friend how during their time apart, she constantly felt like a piece of her was missing, and how having Lena back in her life had made her feel whole again. And how could she explain to her, to everyone, that when she was trapped in the phantom zone, she thought her worst nightmares would be of losing Alex or Eliza - but instead the nightmare the phantoms chose to taunt her with, night after cold, dark, sleepless night, was of losing Lena. How she lost Lena a hundred times, in a hundred different ways, and every single time, she woke up screaming and choking on her own tears. When she finally stumbled through the door onto the ship and into Alex’s waiting arms, there was a large part of her that wished it had been Lena who caught her. And maybe that should make her feel guilty, with how close Kara and her sister have always been - but then again, Lena has always been the exception to the rule. 

The truth is, as much as Supergirl needs the sun, the teary-eyed woman standing in front of her is no less important. Like the weary traveler needs the moon, Lena is the soft light that guides Kara in her darkest nights. And like the moon, she has the same type of gravity about her - from the moment they met, it has always drawn Kara in, constant like the pull of the ocean tides. Maybe that very gravity is why, when Lena finally steps back from their embrace, Kara can’t help the way her body follows. Maybe it’s because after spending every night in that awful place having to face the reality of life without Lena, Kara is pretty sure she would follow her anywhere. Or maybe, it’s because she realizes she might never find the right words to say, and so for once, she chooses not to second guess herself and to simply let her heart take the lead.

She can feel herself lean in almost subconsciously, but then she takes a small step forward to close the gap between herself and the brunette, and there’s a moment where Lena’s eyes widen in surprise as she registers what Kara is about to do. But then her hands are softly cupping the superhero’s face and pulling her in, and just as Kara’s own trembling hands find Lena’s waist, their lips meet in a tender kiss. It’s everything Kara had ever imagined it would be, and yet it’s nothing at all like she imagined it, because it’s so, so much more. She doesn’t register the look of shock on Alex’s face as her hands slide up Lena’s back, as she tugs her closer and deepens the kiss, nor does she hear J’onn awkwardly clearing his throat as he politely suggests the team leave the room to give the two women some privacy. All that exists in this moment is the feeling of Lena’s heart pounding against her own, of the softness of Lena’s mouth against hers, and the feel of Lena’s hands tangling in her hair. She vaguely hears the receding sound of Nia’s laughter as she crows triumphantly about someone owing her fifty dollars, but none of that matters. Because right now, with Lena in her arms and their lips pressed together, Kara knows she is finally home.

-------

edit - decided to put it on AO3 too

[comic-book-jawns]

Ripples

“Aunt Lena!”

Alex would be the first to admit that she could have reacted poorly to her 12-year-old daughter asking if her godmother could chaperone the sixth grade field trip to the Smithsonian’s first West Coast expansion — the Museum of Magic, which she had already visited with Lena the day it opened — when Alex had gone to sign the permission slip.

And that she probably would have if her wife hadn’t preemptively swooped in, telling Esme — but really Alex — that of course she could ask whoever she wanted.

Alex had snorted to herself at the idea of Esme needing to ask. But fortunately, the preteen had already been slipping off the kitchen stool and whipping out her phone with a giddy “thanks,” so Alex had needed only to contend with Kelly’s sympathetic disappointment.

Now, two months later, the former director of the Deparment of Extranormal Operations, literally stopped in her tracks at the sight of a horde of middle schoolers, maybe half the class, beaming and cheering in unison at 6 a.m.

At least a dozen even rushed at the former CEO, taking turns giving her quick hugs, which Lena accepted with a small, but exceedingly warm, smile and faint blush.

“Ms. Smith, I think it’s time we got on the bus. Now that our guest of honor has arrived?”

Kelsey Rudd.

Despite Kelly’s cautionings, back when Esme was starting kindergarten, about not rushing to judge other parents… Alex’s rushed judgment had been correct.

Kelsey Rudd was a stuck-up bitch.

So far Alex had held her tongue, though, because Gianna Rudd had been Esme’s best friend since kindergarten. Naturally, Alex had laughed at the irony for years. Until Kelly had asked her to consider that Gianna, who was truly a very sweet girl, might not be so close to Esme solely because of Esme.

Alex had assumed her wife meant that Gianna appreciated the opportunity that playdates or hang-outs, as she was now supposed to call them, afforded her to not spend as much time at home — which she had not, to her shame, considered.

Watching Gianna meekly shuffle out of Lena’s embrace, however — as Lena tensed and stepped back simultaneously — Alex felt even more humbled.

And next thing she knew she was ruining her day.

“Hey, Ms. Smith. Need any more chaperones?”

“Actually, yeah! A couple just called out, so that would be amazing.”

Alex couldn’t tell if the clipboard-clad twenty-something was more relieved at the extra help or the excuse to step away from Kelsey… who promptly slung her arm around Alex like they were old sorority sisters.

“Any chance you got a flask in that jacket?”

——

After they stepped off the bus 12 hours later, and Kelsey offered her a parting air cheek kiss and promise to catch up again soon, Alex swore her ears were still ringing.

She knew that it had been worth it, though.

Even before she’d ushered Kelsey into a seat at the front of the bus this morning and glanced at the back to find Esme already watching her with a grateful smile.

Even before Esme and Lena finally said their goodbyes to the fan club and made it over to where she was waiting by the car and her daughter hugged her extra tight before sliding into the backseat.

“How’s the headache?”

Alex could haven’t stifled the bark of laughter if she’d tried at her sister-in-law’s dry greeting. With how sappy Lena got around Kara, Alex sometimes forgot how similar she and Lena actually were.

“I’ll live. I feel like I should be asking you, though. I had one adult talking my ear off. Not 20 tweens.”

Up close, the younger woman’s blush was quite prominent as she chuckled… or tried to.

“Lena?”

Alex stepped closer on instinct, lightly gripping her elbows, as she knew Lena found grounding.

“Thank you, Alex.”

Alex was already shaking her head, her gut twisting guilty, but apparently Lena wasn’t finished.

“I don’t know if it’s just the hormones talking, but I - I think this was one of the best days of my life.”

Alex had never stood in the way of Esme spending time with her godmother. Obviously.

Though she also, obviously, couldn’t have said before today that she realized the impact giving her blessing for Lena to volunteer at Esme’s school and occasionally asking if Lena was available to supervise Esme’s playdates over the years had had.

On her daughter’s classmates, let alone on her sister-in-law.

“Imagine if they knew you were a witch. They wouldn’t have given a shit about the museum.”

Lena laughed brightly, the way usually only Kara could make her, and Alex felt a hint of pride… until her brain stalled out.

“Wait, hormones?”

Lena slowly smiled, as widely as a wobbly chin would allow, and Alex immediately felt tears spring to her own eyes.

“Kara doesn’t know yet. I wanted to tell you first since you’re the one who made it possi—”

“I call godmother!”

As Alex flung her arms around Lena, she was perfectly positioned to watch Esme accidentally, and quite forcefully, fling her phone against the car window.

[obliviouskara]

wouldn’t it be beautiful if there was a fic where kara would lose her memory and instead of being the number 1 lena luthor defender who has devoted her existence in making sure everyone knows lena is a good person kara would become the very same people she used to defend lena over. kara's judgment on lena would be base on her last name and nothing else. because she would forget seeing lena testify against her own brother during the trial all she would know of lena is that shares the same last name with the man that repeatedly tried to kill her cousin. the whole time this is happening, lena is still very much mad at supergirl or kara about the whole lying thing so mad that she might have been one of the reason why kara lost her memory however now with kara having no memory of her she feels like its pointless to be mad at someone who doesn’t even remember lying to you, who doesn’t even know who she is. so she puts her anger on a shelf and offers to help alex out. she doesn’t understand why she feels the need to help supergirl, her lying manipulative two faced ex-bestfriend but she does anyway. of course she does because she's lena luthor and she doesn't have to explain herself to anyone. she convinces herself that its because alex is asking for help. because its the right thing to do (not that she'd really cared about what's right or wrong every since their fallout with supergirl) but still. alex of all people is asking her for help which means its bad bad. alex who feels helpless and hopeless because kara is back to her old insecure self. she doesn’t even remember being supergirl and because she doesn’t remember saving alex from the plane kara doesn’t feel the need to become supergirl. she has no memory of being a superhero and she's very much content of being cat grant's assistant and nothing more. everything is overwhelming for her. alex just wants her sister to be okay. lena just wants to back at being mad again. sam is just in here for the ride and is very amused about the whole situation. its a mess and now alex is asking for lena's help because she has wasted countless deo resources but nothing is helping. Not that Kara is being any much of help because Kara feels overwhelmed and Kara just wants things to go back to how she remembers it. She doesn't want to accept the changes alex keeps on telling her and alex knows if there is one person that could bring kara's memory back — bring her sister back that would be lena.

but the thing is, kara doesn't like the idea of being close to a luthor. she doesn't even understand why out of all people alex would trust with their situation, it had to be lena luthor. now every time alex would bring lena up, she feels like she has to defend lena nonestop from kara's relentless accusations. talk about major irony. Kara has been nothing but:

"Why are you trusting her?! She's a Luthor?! What makes her so special??"

"They're evil, right? What if this is all some plot she has to kill me?!"

This feels like a huge slap in the face for alex but she carries on, exhausted she explains:

"Yes, majority of the luthors are still bad but she isn't"

"I dont know why she's different, okay? She just is"

this was so much easier when alex was doing all the accusing but she pushes forward

"We trust her. Yes, I trust her. You trusted her too, yknow?"

"Yes, I dont always trust your judgement but she's a good person. How do I know that? I don't know!! Will you just let her prick you with a kryptonite needle so we can go on with our lives!?!"

"why does she have kryptonite? she made it— its not that bad, i promise! she’s just super smart! stop floating away and come back here!”

what a mess would that be kara doesn’t even want to touch lena with a 10 foot pole. its very to hard catch an alien when she super speeds every chance she gets whenever she feels lena is close by. its frustrating and its taking longer than it should have. everyone feels like they're wasting time and should just accept this as how it is. the entire national city is looking for supergirl. she's been missing for months now. all while lena, lena takes it all in like a champ but deep down lena luthor is still mad. scorching hot mad. how dare kara forget every pain she has caused lena and is now actively avoiding her?! how dare this superhero just ups and leaves and stop being a superhero?! how dare her give up when lena hasn't even decided on her revenge for the years of deceit. its so unfair. its not suppose to hurt. she should be happy that kara doesn't remember her at all. this was what she wanted with myriad. a clean slate but why does it make her heart ache everytime kara tells her she's a luthor with so much distain. this was what she wanted, right? this would have made it easier for her to forget having feelings for her bestfriend but why does lena find herself trying to recreate every lunch date she has with kara danvers? so much so she brings her her favorite food whenever they stay in the same room. offers her snacks she knows she cant resist. kara doesn't understand why lena is being so nice. she still doesn't trust her but it makes her curious why lena's heart always beats differently whenever she's around. why lena looks at her the way she does. as if kara has stolen a piece of her heart. and kara doesnt understand whenever she eats her favorite food, all she thinks of is lena's shy smile whenever she accepts her takeout. whenever kara lets her touch her to examine her and its just a mess can someone please just...

[incorrect-supercorp]

Alex: Imagine you and your partner are at a restaurant or at a shopping center, and you’re trying to figure out where the bathroom is.

Lena: Oh, Kara will not fuck me in a bathroom.

Alex: …

Lena: I’ve tried.

Alex: That is 100% not what I was going to ask you.

[pigeonp0st]

Lena Luthor x Reader #3

Summary: Lena breaks up with Reader to keep her safe from Lex. Reader hatches a plan to get rid of him that goes terribly wrong, and naturally, torture follows. This mostly takes place after she’s found again.

Warnings:

Angst,torture, depression, trauma, childhood trauma

Notes:

Hey! I’m going about writing differently now. Everything I write from here on out will most likely be straight from the tumblr drafts and fairly quick. Something I decide to do in a random sitting (unless it’s paid for). Fair warning that this isn’t that, this is just something I worked on ages ago and didn’t publish. I did NO SPELLING CHECKS and remember writing at 2am, so warning number 2

———————

Lena loathed the DEO in that moment. She loathed Alex, and she loathed Supergirl , and she loathed every damn agent in the building so that she didn’t have to loathe herself instead. It’s not enough, there was still a small part of her that she couldn’t ignore, a part of her that screamed; ‘you should have held on. You should have been there’

She knows she should have been there. She knows she failed you before anyone else did. She knows. But she’s trying now and she doesn’t know how to get it to matter to the world. Trying won’t save you, and trying hasn’t led you back to her.

Trying has only led you there, far from Lena, laying somewhere unknown with a body and a heart too worn. Though, Lena imagines, that’s probably not a new feeling for you. She trembles with the image of Lex mocking her on video, holding a gun to your head, she trembles and thinks, I’ll kill him. I’ll kill him.

Then, miraculously;

“Found her!” Winn shouts loudly, raising his Supergirl action figure in victory, and Lena, CEO, multibillionaire, crumbles in relief in front of dozens of agents in the middle of the DEO.

—-

When you wake up Lena feels her heart stop.

She wanted to kiss you, hold you. She wanted to be the type of person that stayed. She wanted to be the type of person worth staying for.

She wanted to believe the both of you would be okay, and she wanted to hold your face and tell you that. That you’d be okay. She wanted more than anything in that moment to be the type of person that said the right thing. That did the right thing.

She wasn’t. She wasn’t any of the people she wanted to be. Your eyes met hers, full of sorrow, and human and hurt, and she wasn’t. She wasn’t because she was scared, and because she was human also. She wasn’t—so she leaves.

Now, as she’s gripping herself in the hallways of the DEO, struggling against the weight of what feels like worlds on her shoudlers, choking on breaths that should have been being shared with you, she’s filled with so much self contempt it could fuel the whole government. Whoever said that “It’s better to have loved and loss, than to have never loved at all”, has never met the two of you and has never loved this desperately.

Loving you made her feel just as much as losing you had, and is it worth it? Maybe, but It’s certainly not better to be feeling this than not ever feeling it. Can’t those things coexist? Can’t it be better for her to never love, but can’t loving also be a choice she’d make despite all the pain?

Can’t you love the things that will destroy us in the end? Doesn’t she always?

She should go back in. She should go back in and ask for forgiveness, but the fear of ruining things further, of the both of you hurting each other further, prevents her from trying to fix things.

When she broke up with you she had just wanted to protect you from Lex. Losing you like that would have nothing compared to—

Lena shivers, shakes her head, and clutches onto herself more tightly with trembling fingers.

“You’re hyperventilating,” Alex says from where she’s leaning against the wall beside Lena. Her eyes are watchful, careful, but Lena feels them like daggers.

She straightens, forces out a; “wow, you really are an amazing analyzer, detective,” and nearly gets a smirk for her troubles—but Alex is too soft, too caring to give her that. She moves towards her, ever the big sister, but Supergirl rushes in first.

“Lena,” Supergirl—Kara, Kara, Lena thinks, and often starts to forget, except when Kara looks at her like this—breathes out.

Lena steps back from them both, the humanity in the room tears her apart, reminds her of her lack of, and destroys her. “You have to…to warn people when you do that…super speed thing,” Lena grits out, cutting Kara off before she can even begin to try and be…be good. She gestures towards the room with shaky hands and begins to try and compose herself lHow long was she awake while I was asleep?”

Kara and Alex look at each other. Say nothing. “Guys—”

“She woke up two hours ago,” Alex says, at the same time Kara says; “you were wiped out—didn’t even hear the nurses, of course we couldn’t just wake you up”

Two hours, and she was asleep. Lena goes cold instantly. She remembers hearing Lex had you, remembers it like one remembers the worst moment of their life; both intimately and not at all. She remembers hearing Supergirl had you—that you were breathing , but people only say that when someone is very not okay, and Lena remembers the way adrenaline had rushed through her. She had felt both alive and utterly useless through it, and it sticks to her even now.

Alive, but asleep, never the person she needs to be to protect you. How alone have you felt because of her? How scared?

“Lena,” Kara starts again, “Lena, she wanted you to sleep— ”

“Go in there,” Alex cuts her off, gets a very annoyed look for it, because they both can’t seem to help cutting each other off today. “You want to show her she’s not alone, that she’s safe? I promise you that the only way she’ll feel that is with you there.”

Kara nods, suddenly straightening and transforming into Supergirl just like that, just in the stance. “Hero complexes will serve nothing except separation and loneliness. You taught me that. Stronger together, Lena.”

Wanting to save you had left you alone, and yes, alone to Lena meant away from Lex, but he’s not the only scary thing in this world, and she should have known that he’d never forget how to destroy her. To leave you alone, Lena thinks, was the worst thing she could have done.

While you were away Lena had to confront herself. Had to realize that so far, every good thing in her life has come with a cost, has led to ruin, and the threat of Lex…it had just seemed to her like the time had come. Like it was her only option. To sacrifice, to sacrifice and hurt.

If Lex had won by separating the two of you, then he had one like that. In her mind, Lena had already been destroyed, of course she imagined that to be the end of it, that he wouldn’t touch you. She’d rather hurt by pushing you away than you dying. Even the thought—

God, she’s so tired of being a coward. To being so scared of losing you that she’s willing to destroy you both.

Kara and Alex hating what she’s done in the unspoken way that they do hurts even more in a way Lena’s used to, because it hurts like regret. Their stances have turned from concerned and loving, to protective heroes. She should have never left you alone. Not when she was scared of Lex, and not now. She gives both Kara and Alex a firm nod and tries to walk past to get into the room. To make things right.

Kara stops her with a hand on her shoulder. She drops it instantly when Lena turns towards her. Ever the fragile hero, always afraid of her own hands for the strength they hold. “Before that…” Kara coughs awkwardly, “Um…we need you to understand her injuries…and what happened.”

—-

When Lena walks into the room, it’s not like you thought she would. She’s not the fragile human curled up in a chair, or the terrified women fleeing your medical room. She’s angry with rage and a whirlwind of feelings, caught in a tornado of emotion. She’s large in the way she’s always been, and yet it has never left you feeling so small.

You sink back into your hospital bed, pull the covers to your chin, and watch her.

“You went after him?” Lena hisses out, so lowly, so sharply, that she might as well have cut the words into your skin for the way that it dig into you. “Everything I’ve ever done is to protect you, and you just decided to throw it all away like it means nothing? Do you have any idea—”

“You were protecting yourself!”

Lena stops. She was pacing, shaking with emotion, but she stops dead in her tracks at the sound of your voice. You yell it, and yet it’s still somehow silent. Your throat is ruined, a testament to the cruelty of Lex, and the evidence of that and more is written on your skin. You’re covered in injuries. Your brokenness has never been more visible, you think, and it should leave you feeling fragile, and it does, god it does, but right now it gives you power.

Power over Lena, who looks at you like her life hangs in the palm of her hand.

“You think I’m stupid, that I don’t know that every fiber of your being is laced with fear?” You whisper now, hand on your throbbing throat. “You left me for you, and I went after Lex for me.” Its venom. Venom, and anger, and all of the thing you know Lena takes In stride. The thing she strives on.

It hangs in the air for a second. Then Lena, beautiful Lena, kneels by the side of your bed. CEO, one of the most powerful people in this city; on her knees for you. She doesn’t look invigorated, doesn’t looked fueled by anger, just looks sad with regrets.

“I did it for me,” Lena agrees, so soft, so not like them; not like her family. “I did it for you, too. Of course I did it for you, and maybe it was a terrible thing to do—led by my trauma talking to me—but don’t lay there and deny I wasn’t thinking of you,” she breathes, then pauses, eyes tracing your busted lips, bruised face, bruised neck. Her jaw trembles and her lips part, she looks as if she wants to say more, but her eyes are haunted by the home she grew up in.

As if reading your mind Lena whispers, “they haunt me. It’s as if I can never let go. I’m so sick of it. I’m so sick of it.” She closes her eyes with furrowed brows, as if not looking at you will prevent the shake in her voice. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. For them. For them now, for them back then, and for them in the future—if you still want to be in my life, you have to know I can’t escape them. Even when they’re not there they’re there. It…god, it makes me sick.”

When Lena raises her hands and grips herself, digging her fingers into her skin like she wants to pull the trauma and memories out of herself, like she wants to get rid of them, something in you breaks. Breaks because your arms are raw and aching, and it wasn’t Lex. Breaks because you know so intimately what it’s like to face reality and find it so frustratingly unchangeable. To want so much, and for it to mean nothing is the most devastating thing.

To be so large, and so small.

You’ve been crying, and Lena doesn’t notices until a sob falls from your lips. You’ve been trying to hold it in, but when she startles up at it and looks at you with that same wanting, like you’re her heart walking and she’d give anything to take your hurt, the sobs break through like a dam. They break through and it hurts because there is no part of you left unbroken.

When you sob it disturbs your broken ribs, disturbs the bruises covering your torso, rips at your tarnished vocal cords, and has the machines in the room beeping so loud it alerts the nurses.

—-

Lena doesn’t even have time to stand before the nurses rush in and pull the blanket off of you. There’s no words to describe the shift that happens in side of her when she sees the extent of your injuries.

It’s like something both breaks and rebuilds in her, and then breaks again, paralyzing her. Then, she sees a nurse heading towards you with a syringe and it activates her.

“Don’t fucking touch her,” Lena says, or thinks she says. She can’t recognize the venom in her voice, doesn’t feel apart of her body.

She’s moving in between the nurse and you, but your sobs begin to bring her back to reality.

“She needs to be put under, she’s hurting herself—”

Lena doesn’t pay attention to her, just sees Alex and Supergirl enter the room. Sees the way Alex shakes her head and nods to the corner of the room, and follows in suit while every fiber of her being says to do otherwise.

It kills her that she can’t protect you. Can’t protect you from the nurses that you try to pull away from, can’t protect you from the hurt on your skin, or in your heart, couldn’t protect you from— she thinks of Lex. Lex when he was her big, smart older brother that she admired more than anyone in the world.

She thinks of the way he’d give her a cheeky roll of his eyes behind Lillian’s back after a small verbal lashing. Thinks of every chess game, every hide n seek game, every reassuring grin. You’re smarter than they know Lena, he’d say, and she’d beam, not noticing the progressive darkness in his eyes as he said it.

Her eyes don’t leave you as the nurses put you down again. She thinks; I’ll kill him. In her peripheral she knows Kara is watching the floor, and feels Alex watching her. When the nurses cover you back up and they both turn towards you, Lena knows it was out of respect for you. She’s grateful for it—somewhere in her thunder of emotions she’s thankful for them, but also feels a bit of anger towards them.

This is why they kept her from seeing you when you were brought in?

“Why doesn’t she have a hospital gown?” Lena asks in a whisper.

“She took it off, said it hurt when the nurses moved it, and that it was sticking to her. Constricting her,” Kara explains, she sighs, shakes her head, and then turns towards Lena as Supergirl. With a fire in her eyes.

The same one in Lena as she allows herself to ask the very question she wanted to run from hours ago. “Where’s Lex?”

“No.” It’s both Supergirl and Alex.

“Alive then? Okay,” Lena starts towards the door. “If you’re here, he’s here. I’ll find him easily enough.”

Supergirl, familiarly, stands in her ways. Eyes sympathetic next to Alex’s hardness. “Where are you when you’re with them?” Alex asks from behind her. When you let them guide every bad decision you make, she hears.

Lena stops. Thinks about control, about gods, about leaving you to wake up alone again, thinks about murder, both in her blood and not, thinks about Lex with a gun to your head, with fists, and kicks, and a maniac smile, thinks about her dad in the same way—standing over Lex while Lillian gripped Lena back. She thinks of cycles, thinks of protection and all the ways it’s possible, all the ways she’s capable, more capable then him.

Smarter, Lena remembers Lillian saying casually. Always smarter than.

Better than, Kara will say.

The good one, Alex will joke.

My hero, you’d grin. Lena feels herself split. Starts forward again.

Kara whispers now, “Heroes don’t kill, Lena.”

Alex, “it’s both the best and most terrible thing about us.”

Us.

Lena wants to yell, wants to crumble, wants to curl by your side, wants to kill Lex with her bare hands, wants to erase the Luthor history from her mind, from her body, wants to erase it from yours even more. Wants it so desperately, so acutely it hurts. Sadness fills the room, suffocates them all.

Kara is watching you again, Alex keeps glancing back, they’re both unconcerned about Lena now. Full faith in her to be who they claim she is. Lena returns to the seat by your bed and allows herself to be that person.

“Whatever cell he’s in, I’m building it,” Lena whispers, thinking of the cuffs she’ll put on him, wondering if she can somehow slow down his mind.

Alex nods, running her hands down her face. The past couple hours have completely exhausted her in a way Lena’s not used to seeing from her. Alex cares so much about you, and it shouldn’t surprise Lena but It does. “We’re thinking about sending him to the phantom zone.”

Here, Lena is more surprised. They must know that’s a death sentence. Lena glances at Supergirl, she’s still watching you but she’s clearly listening, her eyes have turned hard. They aren’t underestimating Lex. They clearly know the responsibility that’ll bear on them if he escapes again.

Lena feels another bought of gratitude towards them as she takes your hand, and trusts them to handle the person she trusts no one to handle.

——

When you wake up the second time it’s because nurses are dapping you with wet cloths, clearly trying to clean you. They apologize profusely, say they thought the drugs would keep you down longer, and offer to finish the cleaning after you’ve gotten more pain killers.

Your eyes dart around rapidly, chest constricting in anxiety, and then you see Lena. She’s standing by the door, clearly trying to keep out of the nurses way. She’s not full of rage and untouchable in that way, and she’s not fragile, she’s strong.

Her eyes are hard, but not cold. They’re determined, and loving, and they’re your strength too. You suck in a shaky breath, whisper; “thank you. Later might be an option”, as you try to focus on Lena and not the thought of the nurses hands on you turning into Lex’s violent ones.

When they all shuffle out Lena quietly returns to the spot by your bed. This Lena somehow makes you feel more fragile than angry, furious Lena had, because in the place of your defensiveness you’re left to feel your guilt.

“I’m…I’m not weak, Lena.” It feels stupid to claim now as you lay in a hospital bed feeling nothing but. You clench your jaw. Lena’s hand reaches up and takes your chin, forcing you to meet her eyes. She’s not gentle, certainly not rough, but her firmness gives you the power to continue. She’s the stable ground that helps you find your footing.

You find it. Meet her gaze unblinking. “I’m not Supergirl, I’m not you, I’m not Alex, or Jon, or Winn, or James, or Kelly, or— or Lex…I’m not capable in the particular ways you guys are, but I am capable.”

Lena’s eyes fall to your throat. You grip her wrist, the one holding your face, and her eyes meet yours apologetically. “I know,” she says, so softly, so quietly. “You being here is the evidence of it, isn’t it?”

You nod, but you aren’t done. “I’m not sure what Supergirl told you. Clearly she told you I went after Lex, and in a way that’s true, but more so I wanted him to come after me,” you pause. Lena is watching you with furrowed eyes, clearly trying to piece together what you’re explaining before you finish.

Her lips part after just another moment. She’s figured it out you realize, feeling a bit of pride because of it. Pride because she has faith in you, pride because she‘s so incredibly quick and you have had the privilege to know her so acutely. “All of this…was your plan?” Lena asks, sounding both shocked and not.

You wince, brushing aside her hand so you can look down, adverting your gaze. “Well…not all of it.” Memories flash through your mind. “I thought he’d keep me captive, not…” you left out a frustrated breath, angry, so angry at yourself for not being able to speak about it. Speak about him.

“It was a game to him, of course. He’d torture me, send you a video to torture you. He’d get you chasing him. He’s always liked the thrill.” Your eyes stay on Lena’s fists. Watch as they clench so tightly to her side that they shake. “I knew he loved messing with you, and was partly counting on it, not like that but— but maybe just having me wouldn’t have been enough, maybe it was good he did what he did—got so high off of it his guard lowered.”

“Don’t say that,” Lena pleads. You startle up at the sound of her trembling voice doing everything not to cry.

You breathe in; your ribs hurt. You breathe out; they hurt again. Lena shakes her head at herself, frustrated and biting her lip. She’s having a battle with composure and losing.

“Kara told me how you stole his nanotech and used it to immobilize him. That the tech that was missing from my lab last week was found with the stuff he confiscated from you. That you hacked his computer with my prototype to send her the location to his headquarters underground,” Lena rushes out, “I didn’t know you planned to get taken to his HQ, to steal his nanotech, didn’t know that anyone besides me and the DEO knew what he was working on.”

It’s a quick summary of the things you’ve done, leaving out the weeks of planning, leaving out the struggles of actually setting the plan in motion when the shifting variables shifted in a way you weren’t prepared for. It should leave you proud, but when you think of what you managed all you remember is pain and struggle.

“You stopped Lex like you planned. So many people are saved because of you. An unfathomable amount, and yet,”she says. And yet, you think, heart fluttering because you know Lena will say the very thought that kills you to think of, but the thought that can’t escape you anyways. “What…what you did was monumental, and thank you, but god, I so wish you hadn’t,” Lena breathes. “He gone, and yet he has never been so present. Perhaps you felt the effects of him through me before, but you know now what it’s like to have him really present, always right over your shoulder, and that…I would’ve given the world for otherwise.”

It’s exactly the same thoughts you have had. To hear it from Lena, someone you admire and trust so much, someone you believe to be good with every piece of you, someone you’d follow everywhere—it’s like a medicine for guilt.

“What I said before…about doing what I did for me,” Lena shakes her head, ever understanding, like she doesn’t need you to finish. You do though. “I did it for me because I wanted desperately for you to still be mine, and getting rid of Lex was the avenue for that,” you admit. “I didn’t want him to plague you anymore either.”

You hesitate. Memories of Lena pacing at night—startling awake, watching the news with the grimness of someone attending a funeral—memories of Lena’s affectedness come to you. Her humaneness at hearing Lex escaped again, and in her humanity in her vulnerability.

“I want to take responsibility, so I don’t want to say I did it for you, but what you said earlier made me realize everything is a bit of both. I did it for me, I did it for you too.”

Lena laughs. Laughs. It shocks you, causes you to jump and stop looking at your hand, causes you to meet her gaze again. “Ow,” you growl, unamused, because Lena is still laughing. She’s covering her face and has the decency to look apologetic.

Your ribs hurt from the startle but even you can’t help but be confusedly amused.

“I want to hate,” Lena starts, mirth in her voice, “that you did the thing I wanted you to do least in the world, and you got exactly what you wanted out of it. You captured lex, and in a way captured me back too.”

“Oh,” you perk up, smiling up at Lena innocently. “Guess I’m the brains now, brawn.”

Lena’s eyes narrow at you. “That insinuates that you were ever the brawn.”

Back to glaring. Lena lets out another huff of laughter and brushes your hair back, away from a cut on your forehead. Her eyes are so soft, so full of warmth, and love that you could cry. Would cry, perhaps, if it wouldn’t hurt every part of your body.

Instead you grin, because that’s what humans are taught to do instead of cry, and ask, gently—feeling like a shaky child; “does that mean you’re my girlfriend again?”

—-

Lena’s eyes widen as she realizes what she implied, and as you own up to it so hesitantly, so childlike, like Lena could ever think of pushing you away after everything. Her words, not for the first time today, betray her. All she can do is nod.

Your responding grin is heroin to Lena. You smile so wide the cut on your lip breaks open again and starts bleeding, but you pay it no mind. Lena does. She smiles back, albeit more gently, and squishes your cheeks together to prevent the split widening.

You pout in her hands. Lena’s heart flutters. She keeps getting hit randomly with momentous emotion, and she’s hit again with it now. The softness of this moment feels like seeing a rainbow after months of storms.

You here, alive, looking at Lena with so much love in your eyes, so much understanding. It feels like a fantasy. Feels like a lucid dream, a dream she’d choose, over, and over again, until the end of time.

Lena leans in and kisses you—not on the lips, they are cut and bruised. She kisses you on the space just below your eye. A spot, one of the few spots, clear of visible injury. She takes pleasure in the way you flush like it’s the first time. She always did, will always do. “I love you,” Lena whispers, promising herself that even if there are days you won’t believe her, there will never be a day you don’t hear it.

It’s you, and it’s her, and it’s the mountains of history and trauma you two are fighting against. Lena likes the both of your odds. Loves winning just as much.

You’ll beat Lex she knows. There will be a day soon where he stops haunting the two of you. Where he’s not even a thought. When that time comes you’ll have won the war, but for now she’ll take the pride of winning every battle in stride, for now, in the now; she’ll cherish every moment, the many moments, when trauma leaves the room and love consumes it.

“Lena Luthor,” you breathe. You breathe. “My love, my hero.”

[harleychick91]

Fake Out (rated M)

Frustrated with the women they love, Sam and Kara devise a plan to make their counterparts jealous and see the light.

Kara’s POV

“Kara, we have to do something,” Sam rubbed her temple. “Is your sister blind? I’ve been flirting and dropping hints left, right, and center for months now and she’s not seeing them. I’m starting to think even if I stuck my tongue down her throat, she’d think I was just being polite.”

“You’re not alone,” I shrugged, opening my menu. “I think even if I walked out in my underwear, straddled Lena’s lap, and shoved my boobs in her face she’d think I was being nice.”

Snorting a laugh, Sam opened her own menu. “Sexual frustration has made you a bit crude,” she teased. “But, we do need to figure something out. I truly don’t see how Lena hasn’t picked up on your feelings. The two of you are inseparable during game night. If you sat any closer, you’d be on the woman’s lap.”

“Hey, you’re the one feeding Alex,” I smirked. “She never eats or drinks after someone. Not me, not Eliza, not even Maggie when they were dating.”

“Well, that makes me feel special,” Sam murmured. “These lunches have been nice. There’s no one else I can complain to about this. You completely understand since you’re in the same boat.”

“Yeah. They’re in love with us. It’s clear as day,” I sighed in frustration.

After placing our lunch orders, an evil gleam began to spark in Sam’s eyes. “Remember when you let me borrow a shirt before the last game night?”

“Yeah, you spilled sauce on it carrying the food and changed into one of my shirts before Lena and Alex arrived. Why?”

“I don’t think you noticed but I caught Lena staring daggers at me. She was trying to figure out why I was wearing your shirt when mine was fine an hour before.”

“Really?” I laughed. “Why wouldn’t she just ask?”

“Emotions override logic, my friend. We are only human.” Taking a sip of her drink, Sam laughed. “Or the one before that when you fed me quaso,” her brow furrowed. “What was I even doing to cause you to feed me?”

“I have no idea at this point,” I sipped my drink.

“Either way, neither of them liked it.”

Thinking over the game nights in question, I remembered the look on Alex’s face when I noticed Sam was cold and I wrapped her in my blanket. Maybe they are more conscious of it than I thought. Alex did have a weird look on her face afterwards. “How could we make them realize it?”

The food came and we began to eat. Mid bite, Sam chuckled darkly. “I have an idea but it may make you a little uncomfortable.”

“What is it?” I shifted nervously.

“They’re clearly not seeing that we feel the same way so what if they think we’re no longer available?” My brow furrowed. “What if we pretend to date and make them so jealous that they realize their feelings?”

Nodding along, I thought aloud, “It’s crazy enough to work. You know I only have eyes for Lena, right?”

“Oh, yeah,” Sam waved her hand. “I'm that way with Alex. Nothing serious would happen. Some shameless flirting, a kiss on the cheek here, maybe a butt smack there. I doubt it would come to it, but maybe a fake French kiss.”

“How do you fake that?”

“Put your hands on the person’s face to cover their mouth from view. Just make sure it seems like you’re playing tongue hockey.”

“You’ve done that before, haven’t you?” I laughed.

“Won me 20 bucks and a 12 pack of beer in college,” Sam smiled triumphantly. “It helps that they know we’ve been going to lunch every couple of weeks.”

Popping a fry into my mouth, I thought over the plan. “So, when would this fake dating start?”

“Tomorrow night?” Sam offered. “It’ll be the four of us at game night. Make up some excuse to switch up teams. Instead of you and Lena, we pair up. We get kind of flirty before and after we win a game and you kiss my cheek.”

“Since you already know my secret, I can listen to their reactions and fill you in later.”

“I do not miss that,” Sam groaned. “Everything was always at an 11 before you know who fully took over.”

“It took me a long time to get used to it,” I paused. “I am glad Lena was able to help. It was rough there for a bit after I told her the truth.”

“I think it’s made you two stronger though. Yes, Lena was upset but she never stopped loving you.”

“Thank Rao for that,” I laughed.

“So, game night tomorrow we start this?” I nodded. “I’ll show up before Lena and Alex. Potentially wear something low cut. I know how much you like Lena’s cleavage,” Sam smirked knowingly. “You’re not smooth. I love Lena but she’s oblivious. For the longest time I thought she wore low cut shirts on purpose. You get all flustered and it’s adorable.”

Heat crept up my neck. “You’re one to talk,” I smirked. “I see the way you check out Alex’s butt. Especially in jeans.”

“Those dark wash jeans…” Sam hummed, nearly drooling. “I just want to-,”

“Okay, okay,” I laughed. “She’s my sister.”

“Sorry,” Sam murmured over her drink.

Finish reading on AO3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/58113859

[owl-with-a-pen]

They could’ve been anywhere for New Year. Literally anywhere – no one was going to blink an eye if you turned up in The Bahamas thirty seconds before midnight with Supergirl as a best friend. In fact, Nia had lost count of the party invites she’d received from acquaintances at best just for being in Kara’s general social circle.

The first proper year since Kara’s identity reveal had gone global and, suffice to say, the dust hadn’t settled just yet.

But no invite came without expectation. In this case, that Supergirl would be a part of the package. Everyone wanted a spectacle. They wanted the suit, the show, the fanfare. Even CatCo’s office party felt a little too intense for Nia’s liking. While most of their co-workers had relaxed into the notion of having Supergirl as their boss, that didn’t stop journalists at rival news stations from practically clawing the doors down, all hungry for the latest scoop into the life of Kara Zor-El.

So, they didn’t spend New Year’s Eve on a beach or a yacht, the roof of a skyscraper or even at CatCo. There was only one place that would’ve felt right – the only place that mattered. Being with the people that mattered.

Which was why Nia found herself snuggled up with Brainy on the Tower’s couch by 5pm. Super suit officially retired for the evening, she lounged about with the rest of her friends in comfortable civilian clothes, wine glass in hand and like a zillion different party games strewn across the coffee table.

Lena and Brainy had both spent the better part of the afternoon poring over the game instructions with the same sort of life-or-death intensity usually reserved for their day jobs, but Nia wasn’t about to complain. Brainy was on her team, after all, which meant that whatever they got around to playing, they were totally going to kill it. She and Brainy were already sat at the champion spot on the game night board – really, the others didn’t stand a chance. Brainy didn’t get all the credit for that, either. Nia’s powers came with some added benefits – like dreaming up specific strategies or figuring out the rules to games they hadn’t even thought of playing yet. She’d gotten pretty good at it, in fact, and no matter what Alex said, it was not cheating.

So long as she didn’t get caught.

“So,” Alex said as she grabbed a beer from the cooler, clinking her bottle against Kara’s glass as she passed. “Your first year without a secret identity. Better or worse than you thought it’d be?”

Kara pulled a face, hiding behind her glass. “Can I answer that after midnight?”

“Staller,” Alex teased, settling down next to Kelly who had already claimed a spot around the coffee table.

“Hey—not fair,” Kara said, speeding over to join them. “I shouldn’t be the only one answering that question, anyway. A lot has happened this year. I mean, the DEO officially started up again, you and Kelly got that new house.” She pointed to Nia and Brainy emphatically. “And you two – you got engaged!”

Nia grinned, leaning forward. “Oh, you mean this?” she asked, brandishing her new Legion ring with pride.

Alex laughed. “We get it, already, your fiancé bestowed you with the power of flight.”

Brainy scoffed. “This ring offers more than just flight.” He scooped Nia’s hand into his as though to demonstrate, linking their fingers together. Nia’s grin widened. “It’s also a psychic blocker and comms device, as well as offering protection against extreme climates found at higher altitudes, otherwise compromising—”

“Show off,” Alex cut in, poking out her tongue.

“Well, I think our engagements rings were pretty perfect,” Kelly said, pecking her wife on the cheek.

“Yeah,” Alex pouted, “but flight.”

Kelly waved her off. “I get nauseous flying anyway.” She prodded the backpack stowed beneath the coffee table with her foot, giving some shape to the folded shield tucked inside. “Guardian stays grounded for a reason.”

“Yes.” Brainy eyed Kelly warmly, sitting upright. “Let me know if that ever changes.”

“I appreciate the suit upgrades, Brainy, really,” Kelly assured him. “But you couldn’t pay me to strap on a pair of wings, or a flight ring for that matter.”

“Understood,” Brainy said, although Nia could tell he hadn’t quite put his flight plans to bed just yet.

When he relaxed back against the sofa, she took the opportunity to claim his lap as her new headrest, making herself comfortable. Their hands remained entwined across her stomach, Brainy’s thumb working gentle circles over her knuckles.

Just before anyone could get too comfy, the elevator doors dinged from across the room and Lena stepped into the loft, her face obscured by an intimidatingly tall stack of pizza boxes. “Pizza’s here,” she announced, struggling to see around the veritable tower in her hands. “There’s more downstairs if anyone has an arm to spare.”

“Well timed, Lena,” J’onn said with a smile. He was already jogging forward, half-phased through the Tower’s floorboards. “I’ll get the rest.”

“Oh,” Lena called out before he could disappear, “I also had to leave the wine in your office.”

J’onn winked before melting through to the level below.

“Prioritising food over alcohol; who are you and what have you done with Lena Luthor?” Alex teased, rising to greet her at the same time as Kara.

“Oh relax, it wasn’t the good stuff,” Lena said as she assigned pizza boxes to the two sisters. “There should still be some of that left over in the pantry downstairs.”

Nia smiled, watching the interaction with absolutely zero intention of moving herself. Instead, she spread out even further across Brainy’s lap, stretching out her arms. “D’you think they ever fight over who gets to deliver here?”

“Why?” Alex asked. “Because we’re superheroes, or because of Lena’s tips?”

“Both.”

Brainy narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. “It is highly likely.”

“Oh, come on you two,” Lena called out in exasperation. “Pizza’s getting cold.”

Nia groaned, pushing herself up with a little help from her fiancé. “Fine, fine, we’re coming.”

----

The next few hours passed with ease. They ate and chatted and played way too many high-stakes card games. Brainy was officially banned from poker by 8 o’clock and Nia wasn’t allowed any more pre-game ‘warm up’ naps. She let it slide – she’d been meaning to practice her conscious dream-state, anyway. Besides, by the time the strong stuff came out of the pantry, everyone was playing with every super advantage they had at their disposal.

Nia wasn’t sure what time it was when she felt Brainy begin to grow restless at her side. Without saying anything, she lifted her head from his shoulder, giving him a little more room to work with. Not long after that, he broke away from the circle, heading out to the balcony for some fresh air.

She gave him some time at first, easing back into the conversation, but as the clock ticked closer towards midnight, she knew she needed to check in. After excusing herself, she creaked her way unsubtly up the stairs, finding Brainy exactly where she'd expected him to be – with his arms folded over the balcony’s edge, his chin tipped up towards the stars.

He always looked so peaceful when he was alone like that. His eyes may have been closed, but his mind was wide open. Right now, Nia imagined a million and one thoughts coursing seamlessly through Brainy’s head. To anyone else, the very notion of thinking to that extreme was a one-way ticket to migraine territory. But Brainy revelled in it. His twelve thought tracks were flourishing, broadened to new and exhilarating horizons ever since he’d first removed his inhibitors.

Sure, it had been rocky at first, but with the time to become reacquainted with his own potential, Brainy had only become more certain of himself for it. He’d once tried to explain it to Nia - how it felt for him without the restrictions that had once clouded his mind - and although there was no way she could ever put herself fully in his shoes, the way he had described it had sounded so profound, so freeing, that she’d found herself tearing up long before he’d even finished talking.

To be alone with one’s thoughts took on a whole new meaning for a Coluan, and it was the surest way to calm him whenever he became overwhelmed. Sometimes, especially after being around so many people for so long, Brainy needed to take a step back from it all and recharge his social metre. To find that connection between himself and the Big Brain and to truly nourish it.

It did mean that he often lost track of time. And so, as quietly as she could, Nia padded out to the balcony edge alongside her fiancé, brushing her arm up against his.

He stirred slowly, his lashes catching the starlight as he turned his head, acknowledging her without having to say a word.

Nia stood with him a while in that comfortable silence. The night air felt sobering against her cheeks, and the city below was so alive. Every brightly lit window was a doorway into another world, another person celebrating that step closer to a new year on planet Earth. Down on the ground, the bars were abuzz with people, whole groups spilling out onto the streets with drink in hand, enjoying the mild weather and fragrant breeze.

Nia took in a deep breath, letting it go slowly. “How long do we have?” she murmured.

“Eleven minutes, twenty-nine seconds.”

She grinned. Brainy’s response was as immediate as ever. She tipped her head against his shoulder, relaxing into his warmth. “Kara was right, y’know. This year has been pretty intense. In a good way.”

Brainy’s lips twitched into a faint smile. He lowered his head, pressing a kiss into her hair. “Indeed, it has.”

“Think we’ll top it next year?”

Brainy’s smiled widened. He turned his attention back towards the skyline, scanning it with new vigour. “You wanted a summer wedding, correct?”

“Spring or summer,” Nia said with a shrug, burying her nose firmer into his throat. “So long as the flowers are out. Mom would’ve wanted to see them in bloom.”

Brainy was still mapping the stars ahead, his dark eyes moving rapidly from left to right. There was a secretive edge to his smile, and a far-away look in his expression - one that told her he was already planning something special. He bit his lip, rising proudly where he stood. “Then the year to come will certainly exceed the last.”

Nia buzzed with anticipation; his excitement was infectious, igniting her own. Honestly, she would’ve married him right that second if it hadn’t been for all the hard work they’d put into the wedding plan already. Although, with an officiator in the other room and a bottle of wine already going to her head, she couldn’t deny it was a tempting thought.

She was thrown from that thought when a flash lit up the sky above their heads, followed by an explosive pop and bang a second later. Instinctively, Brainy clutched at her hand, holding her close. Nia tensed expectantly, but there was no fire to follow, no superhero emergency at all - just a stray firework set off by some kids down below.

“Little early,” Nia murmured, nudging Brainy’s arm. It was still beautiful, though, and she found that she couldn’t tear her eyes away.

The firework streamed across the sky in fine shimmers of red and gold, reminding her a little of the translucence of her own dream energy, before spilling downward, raining a mist of glowing embers just a few blocks away.

The sky was dark again by the time she realised that Brainy hadn’t been watching the firework with her. Instead, he was looking at her, his eyes bright with reverence, twinkling with a different kind of spark.

“Perhaps we should take advantage of the moment,” he suggested in a low voice, leaning forward.

Nia smiled when his lips brushed across her cheek, trailing towards her ear. She closed her eyes appreciatively, tipping her chin closer to his mouth, his lashes tickling her nose. “Aren’t we supposed to wait for midnight?” she murmured.

“Hm.” Brainy’s lips curved in contemplation. His thumb traced the line of her jaw slowly, catching a curl of her hair before stroking it back behind her ear. His fingers lingered there at the nape of her neck, digging fine crescents into her skin. “I think we’ve traversed time enough to allow for certain… deviations in that respect.”

Nia shivered. She didn’t need much convincing; in fact, she was already leaning in for the kiss, one hand still gripping the balcony wall, the other locked tightly around Brainy’s arm, pulling him closer until their lips finally met.

She was still a little heady from the wine, but the kiss felt like a firework of its own inside her chest, warming her from the inside out. Brainy’s hands were electric everywhere they touched - her face, her hair, her neck, each sensation enhanced by the alcohol roaring through her blood.

She could have believed they were flying.

Crap. Because they were flying.

Or at least, she was. Without even thinking, Nia had let her Legion ring tap into the psychic suggestion she’d been broadcasting a little too boldly, so much that it had begun to lift her off her feet.

When she gasped in surprise, Brainy grinned against her mouth. He held her steady, anchoring her to him until she found her footing again - on solid ground, this time.

“Thanks,” Nia mumbled against his chin, ducking her head into his shoulder, trying to assuage her own embarrassment. She could feel the rumble of laughter in Brainy’s chest and couldn’t help but smile along. “That’s definitely gonna take some getting used to.”

They held each other for a while longer, so comfortable in each other’s arms that Nia nearly lost track of time.

That was until voices started picking up back inside.

A moment later, Nia heard Kara calling: “Countdown’s starting!”

Already? Nia could hardly believe it. She grinned mischievously. “C’mon,” she said, tugging Brainy’s arm.

In the light of the Tower, he looked about as flushed as she felt, his blond hair frazzled against his jaw. He moved eagerly with her momentum, letting her drag him towards the balcony door.

By the time they were back inside, the countdown was nearly halfway through. They got as far as the top of the stairs before the final three seconds started ringing out.

Thinking fast, Nia made her decision. Spinning impulsively at the final second, she wrapped her arms around Brainy’s shoulders, pulling him in for another – official – kiss.

His lips were the warmest welcome she could hope for to usher in the new year.

They parted just as a bottle popped across the room. Brainy’s hands slipped around Nia’s waist, bumping his nose against hers before they both blinked back into reality, noticing for the first time the chaos that had erupted in just seconds below them.

“Ah,” Brainy said under his breath.

“Uh-huh,” Nia answered.

Over at the coffee table, Lena was pouring champagne flutes like her life depended on it from a bottle that’s neck was furiously frothing over courtesy of a certain over-eager Kryptonian. Kara was already making up for her mistake by super-speeding glasses under the bottle faster than they could spill over, placing them on every available surface she could find.

“Okay, you guys really need to start taking some of these,” Kara insisted.

“Way ahead of you,” Alex said, snatching two flutes from the table and handing one to Kelly. They clinked glasses, sharing another kiss.

J’onn laughed. “Here, let me help,” he said, angling the bottle in Lena’s hands so that it was a little less explosive on the next pour.

Lena let go of the bottle entirely, more than happy to let J’onn take over in exchange for a glass of her own.

“Us too,” Nia said, catching Brainy’s eye. “I could use another glass.”

Lena raised a brow expectantly. “Oh, I bet you do.”

Nia tried not to blush.

Once everyone had settled back around the table, flutes in hand, champagne mostly mopped up, Alex raised her glass, tapping it insistently with a fingernail. Instead of instigating a speech, she pointed her glass towards Kara. “So?” she asked. “Better or worse?”

Kara groaned aloud, muffling her voice with the rim of her glass. “I was hoping you’d forget.”

Alex winked. “Never.”

Kara rolled her eyes, lifting her free hand in surrender. “You know what? Fine. I’ll say it. Because, as a matter of fact, despite how freeing this year has been for me, I can’t deny that it’s also been hard. Really hard at times. In fact, for a while, I really did begin to wonder whether any of this was worth it.” She pursed her lips, knocking Alex’s arm. “But,” she countered, drawing out the word, “every time the media tried to beat me down, or the military pushed into my affairs, you were all there for me. You stood by me, supported this decision and supported me whenever I needed it. You reminded me why I wanted this in the first place.” Kara’s lips were already starting to tremble. She swiped quickly at her eyes, sniffing. “What I’m saying is, I really couldn’t have got through this year without you guys.”

“Kara,” Alex said softly.

“Stop, or I won’t finish,” Kara laughed. With a steadying breath, she hooked one arm around her sister’s shoulders, looping her other with Lena’s. “So, yes, this year could have been the worst, but it was the best because of all of you.” She raised her glass above Alex’s head, beaming proudly. “To family!”

“To family,” everyone echoed back.

Nia clinked her drink with everyone else, trying desperately to hold it together. She locked eyes with Brainy from across the table, seeing the happy tears that already stained his cheeks, the easy smile he wore now for no one’s benefit but his own, and realised just how lucky she was to be surrounded by so much love. Despite the hardships she’d faced in both her personal and hero life, she had a family here, one that may have come under its fair share of strain, sure, but had only grown stronger from what it had endured.

The Legion ring suddenly felt warmer around her finger, like a hug from a new friend. Maybe it was all in her head, or maybe it really was responding to her good mood.

Brainy had told her once that a Legion ring meant different things to different people, but at its heart, it represented the joined forces of the Legionnaires themselves. Their connection to one another, despite what made them so different.

For her, though, at its core, the ring was a promise. As certain as the one she and Brainy had made to each other on the training room floor. A promise shared by the echo of her friends right that second.

To family.

With the person she loved the most right there at her side, their devotion to each other worn as plainly as the rings on their fingers, she realised that promise was only just getting started.

Nia grinned, taking Brainy’s hand.

She couldn’t wait for the year ahead.

[blazethecheeto]

hi so i watched the supergirl finale. and like. what the fuck guys.

that might have been the biggest queer analogy i've ever seen without it being explicitly stated. the whole talk where kara compares how she feels like she's been trapped, how she's been hiding and never living her authentic truth to alex feeling free and joyful with her wife.

the life she wants to have. the metaphors of her not feeling ready to come out. the constant parallels to alex's journey and her wedding vows resonating with kara so deeply. CAT SAYING "most of all, i hope you choose to become your full self."

TEARS. CRYING. LIKE HAPPY PRIDE MONTH??? I GUESS???

and then, AND THEN- out of every single person, lena luthor is the one she has her last conversation with. she is the one to support her, to believe in her, like she always has. lena comparing how both of them were always being told who they were supposed to be, the roles society set up for them, and how they both defied it by becoming friends.

no, because don't get me started with how lillian said in the very beginning of the episode to lena: "live your life the way you want to live it." the insane queer metaphors and parallels with her magic being programmed out of her as a kid because 'it wasn't how the luthor family was supposed to be".

lena turning to kara in that conversation, saying she's finally living her own life and it feels amazing, inviting kara to join her and go through and take on that journey together. kara wondering how it would feel like to connect with someone as her full self NOT KNOWING THAT PERSON IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER? lena just responding "i think it'd be empowering" WISTFULLY? i can't do this guys i sobbed.

like TF DO YOU MEAN "i didn't get to grow up to be the person i was supposed to be, and i think it's the same for you" and "i give people speeches on how to live their best lives, but i'm too afraid to live my own".

also, ain't no way they killed off william AND made mon-el come back JUST to confirm that ship was never becoming canon. the writers really said yeah, both of them will be the only people at the wedding with absolutely no other love interests except each other!!

finally, on a less serious note, in that last cat + kara conversation, the way she said-

"i just feel..."

"bi...furcated?"

and i was like LMAO WAS CAT JUST GONNA SAY "KARA, YOU'RE BI GIRLIE."

tl;dr: that was an insane show to go through, i can only imagine how the fans reacted, but man. queerbaiting's really something isn't it. i'm gonna cry and read more supercorp fanfiction.

[luthordamnvers]

Sweetest little part of Destiny

Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

"Go to sleep," Kelly's sleepy voice stopped Alex's ruminations. "You are thinking too loud, you are not letting me sleep." "Oh, yes. My thoughts are the ones keeping you awake," Alex smiled, continuing to caress Kelly's back. She laughed, while she nuzzled her face into Alex's neck. "What is keeping you awake?" "Just thinking about kids," Alex confessed after a few seconds of silence. "They are asleep, you should be, too." "What if we have another?" Alex asked, in a mumble. Kelly raised her head, enough to look at her face. "You want to adopt another kid?" OR, When Kara's dad drops off Kryptonian technology on Earth, Alex and Kelly are presented with an unique opportunity.

Language: English || Words: 5,128 || Chapters: 1/1

Very happy to reveal my 1st @dansenbb fic! Which my brain tricked me into writing halfway into my actual entry, which is why I did the (very spoilery) art myself. Hope you guys like it.

[natalievoncatte]

There was blood on the door. Lena swept back her jacket in a smooth motion and unholstered her Glock carry piece, holding it low ready as she stepped into the penthouse. The door slid shut behind her and locked itself smoothly. There was no sign of forced entry, meaning whoever came in walked right through her defenses.

She’d armored and fortified this place to the point that the entire building could collapse and she’d probably survive. Some of the materials that went into Lena’s security were not from Earth. Some of them were not from this dimension.

In times past, in good times, she’d have called Alex Danvers, to get the DEO up here for help or hopefully summon Supergirl to her aid. Now those options were off the table.

From its place of dishonor by her sofa, the broken glass in the frame gleamed at her, the time-frozen gazes from her and Kara in the photo staring into her soul.

More blood on the frame, smeared on the edge.

Lena rested her back to the wall and scanned the apartment. There was a clear trail of blood from the door through the living room. Whoever had been here, or was still here, had pressed a bloodied palm to the reader outside the door, leaned on the kitchen island, and picked up the photo, then returned it to its place and left a trail of blood drops to the other side of the penthouse.

To the bedroom.

Steeling herself, Lena press-checked her pistol and ignored the cold ball in the pit of her stomach, along with the screaming instincts telling her to call for her bodyguards and security and the police. She followed the trail of drops, that cold ball climbing its way to her throat. The bleeding got worse as the intruder approached the bedroom, where they’d pushed the door open, leaving a streak of rust on the white.

Lena knew in her heart what she was going to see before she swung the door open.

The gun fell from her hands and clattered on the floor.

Her sheets were streaked with dried blood, but Kara’s cape was as livid a crimson as ever. Fighting the rising gorge in her throat, Lena rushed to the bed, and let out a soft, strained sigh of relief when she saw Kara’s chest moving.

“Mother of God,” Lena breathed, her hands making a vestigial effort to cross herself, the gesture half remember from her earliest youth.

Kara was… a wreck. Her eye was swollen shut and claw marks raked her cheek, the wounds still open and oozing. She’d balled up the sheets and jammed them against a wound in her side, a deep gash that stained the torn material of her suit a dark bruised black.

The Kryptonian in her bed was unconscious, eyes lidded but not fully closed, and deathly pale. Lena reached out a tentative hand and pressed it to Kara’s shoulder and let out a shocked gasp.

She was cold to the touch.

Worst of all was her hands. Her knuckles were busted and split and bloody, palms covered in defensive gashes, crusted with crystals of dark blood.

Lena felt like she was going to burst, like her skin was suddenly three sizes too small. Images flashed in her mind- a defeated, broken Kara, begging her not to turn her back as she lay green-veined and poisoned in a cage at the Fortress of Solitude. Sanctimonius bitch Kara hovering just five feet off her balcony wall, glaring judgment and proclaiming her a villain.

Soft Kara, tending her hurts, holding her cheek in the palm of her hand, her touch always so soft and gentle and tentative, like Lena was some skittish bird.

That wasn’t all. Oh God, that wasn’t all. Kara clutched something to her chest, something she’d grabbed before collapsing in the bed and curled into herself.

Lena’s hooded sweatshirt, the one she used to wear to game nights and movie nights when she wasn’t feeling up to primping and preening, the one she stared wearing when being vulnerable around Kara started feeling like home.

Oh God oh Jesus what am I going to do?

She reached for her phone, then stopped. Kara had fled here from whatever did this to her for a reason. Lena set the phone aside, and assessed.

Kara was out cold. She didn’t seem to be actively bleeding but Lena didn’t dare move her. Instead, she settled for rolling Kara on her back, with great difficulty. She flopped over, boneless.

Lena found her first aid kid and began tending to the wounds.

Fuck, Lena thought. What if she had internal injuries? What if she wasn’t going to wake up?

She focused on what was in front of her. She began by cleaning the wounds, carefully and gingerly applying bandages where she could.

Her hands, oh God her poor hands. Lena wrapped the knuckles gently and pressed ice against them, leaving them testing on Kara’s chest. She dabbed at the wounds on her cheek and carefully taped gauze pads in place after applying antibiotic ointment.

Kara lay on the bed like some badly beaten Sleeping Beauty and she was cold. Her skin felt almost icy, the I only sign that she still lived being the steady but shallow rise and fall of her chest.

Lena grimace. She had to get her out of the suit. First she reclaimed her now ruined and blood-stained sweatshirt and then the ruined top sheet.

Kara’s boots came off, then Lena unclamped her cape and tossed it back from her shoulders.

It took almost half an hour to wriggle her out of the suit, and that was after she had to hunt for the hidden catches and zipper.

Kara lay on Lena’s bed like some wounded goddess out of a forgotten myth, or maybe one never learned.

God she was beautiful, and the sight of her in such distress was more painful than she’d ever admit. Lena felt sympathetic pains in her jaw, her sides, her hands as she imagined the blows that could have wounded her so, wondered what sharpness of blade or claw it took to mark her like this.

Lena spread the curtains, so as to give her as much light as she could. Nurturing light, healing light, but still Lena did not wake.

Finally she learned what did this. Some alien outside Metropolis. They’d stopped it, the creature, but it had taken Kara and her cousin and the other so-called heroes that the news were calling the League.

Lena’s lip was trembling.

She has her grievances. She had her hurts. She had her reasons, her self-righteous justifications and none of them fucking mattered right now because a beaten, broken Kara must have flown from one side of the country to the other to clutch Lena’s fucking hoodie.

“God,” she whispered, sitting in her side chair by the bed. “God what have I done.”

Kara had held them off, she knew. Kept her from being arrested, protected her even after she’d done something awful. New visions flooded her mind, every barb she’d slung and every insult she’d hurled, every word of her explosive raging rant at the Fortress.

She’d killed her brother for this woman. Killed not the man who’d hurt her but the boy, too, the one who treated her like a human being and a sibling, at least for a time. The only family she had.

(The only family you have is lying on that bed and you have to help her)

She was helpless. Kara would either pull through or she wouldn’t. If she didn’t, sooner or later Alex would walk in here and put a bullet through her head and Lena didn’t think she’d mind all that much.

“Why couldn’t you have just told me?” Lena asked. “We could have been great together, you know? We could have been what my brother and your cousin should have been. We could have built a better world.”

Kara said nothing, just breathed.

“I could have told you my secret, then,” said Lena. “I could have held you and touched you and had you. I could have loved you, God damn it. Do you have any idea what you fucking did to me? You gave me the sunrise back and you were too much of a Goddamn coward to let me have it.”

Kara’s hand moved, fingers curling around nothing. She let out a soft sigh but didn’t move.

Lena fought it as hard as she could, fought it for hours. Eventually she had to do it. Gravity, quantum entanglement, call it what you will. She laid down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling beside her battered sleeping beauty.

“I’m sorry,” said Lena. “I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m sorry for what I did, I’m sorry for what we lost. It wasn’t worth it, Kara. Nothing was ever going to be worth it.”

She was still pale, cold, even when she rolled onto her side and threw her limp arm over Lena’s body.

Whatever made her move had not shaken her loose from her slumber. Kara curled on her side, chill hand resting on Lena’s flank. Another soft sound escaped her slack lips and she twitched.

The sun was going down.

Lena had to call for help. She knew what would happen. Alex would storm in with her self-righteous fury and judgment and fling accusations and then leave, taking her sister with her.

Worse, she would give Lena that look. The one that filled her with such rage and regret, that look not of judgement or even anger but sorrow, because Alex knew. She didn’t have to say it, it had been dripping from every word and deed directed towards Lena since the falling out began.

Alex knew that Lena was in love with Kara. That was the truth of it, the secret she held so hard to her heart that it had slipped her fingers and everyone had seen it but the two of them.

She loved Kara with every piece of her, every cell, every muscle fiber, every neuron, every bone. It lived in her and coiled in her and it had subsumed her soul until it couldn’t be carved out without making her hollow. She’d tried. When she’d hurt Kara she had only wounded herself even deeper. It had been like swallowing a draught of acid and expecting it to burn another.

She didn’t know what to do. She was helpless. Kara might be dying and Lena had never told her.

“Kara,” she said, shaking her. “Kara God damn you wake up, wake the fuck up! WAKE UP!”

Kara didn’t respond.

With a shriek of rage and pain Lena sat up.

“Please!”

Nothing.

Lena finally did it. She snatched the phone from where she’d dropped it and called.

It all happened as she predicted, save one thing. When Alex stormed in with a sub machinegun in her hands, she stopped and raised a fist, ordering her team to stop outside the door.

Lena was kneeing by the bed by then, half mumbling a prayer and stroking Kara’s cold hand.

Alex did not address her. She began barking orders. Stasis pod, medivac.

Bring the Luthor.

Lena sat in the back of an armored van in a daze. She let herself be led around like a trained pet and somehow ended up sitting in a chair outside a medbay room, while a now cleaned up and properly bandaged Kara lay on a bed beneath sunlamps.

“She’s in a Kryptonian healing trance,” said Alex. “If a Kryptonian gets hurt badly enough their body shuts down and goes into a kind of hibernation. She must have used almost all of her reserves to get back to your apartment.”

Alex glared directly into her eyes.

“To see you one last time.”

Lena swore her defiance in silence, but it lasted no longer than it took her to think the oath before the tears started.

“I have to go. The DEO is working with Superman’s little Boy Scout club to keep the thing that did this to her contained.”

When Alex left, Lena stood up and walked into the room.

Kara did not look regal. She didn’t look angelic. She looked vulnerable and small, like a woman a year or two older than Lena with a black eye and stitches in her cheek.

Lena knew the sun lamps would burn her, but she relished it, looked forward to feeling her skin sting and redden. She deserved it.

“Kara,” Lena whispered. “Please wake up.”

Nothing.

“Wake up.”

Nothing.

“Darling, wake up for me, please. Just give me a smile, a wink, squeeze my hand. Anything. Please. Please.”

Kara stirred.

“You can’t go yet,” Lena murmured. “I need you to stay. I need you to wake up so I can say—”

Kara’s eyes were open.

“I love you,” Kara whispered. “I’m sorry. For everything.”

Lena half coughed, half sobbed and lunged across the bed, ignoring the lamps, the bright lights, everything but Kara. Everything but the kiss.

“Don’t you ever scare me like this again,” Lena choked out.

“Turn the lights off,” Kara whispered. “Get on the bed. I don’t need lamps. I need you.”

“Kara, the things I did,” Lena began.

With a weak, shaking hand, Kara pressed her finger to Lena’s lips.

“There’s nothing we can’t fix if we’re together. Nothing.”

Lena reached over, doused the lamps, and climbed in with her. Kara was finally warm again, though she grimaced when she moved, tucking herself into the crook of Lena’s shoulder.

“I will always come back to you,” said Kara.

Lena held her close and closed her eyes, and for the first time in months she slept without tears.

[silv3reyedstranger]

oh how love stings

“So…what do you think?” Kara plants her chin in her hands and chews at her lip.

“It’s beautiful,” Lena murmurs, running her fingers over the writing. “What does it mean?”

How can Kara put it into words? How does one translate the legacy of a broken family into understandable terms? It’s almost impossible for Kara to find the words to encapsulate the pride and grief she has for her people. There aren’t human words that can convey the heartbreak she still hasn’t healed from. Heartbreak that may never heal.

Kara swallows roughly. “In simple terms, El Mayarah.” Her hands itch to follow the same path Lena’s did, but she might burst into tears if she does. “There aren’t any human words that are…adequate enough to do them justice, but it means something along the lines of: So haunt me so that I may always remember who I am. Make a home of my chest so I may carry all of you with me forever. We will always be stronger together.”

Summary:

Is Kara Zor-El a wimp when it comes to needles? Yes. Does she really want to get tattoos? Also yes.

The only problem is, the only person who could possibly do one for her is Lena. Her best friend. Who she’s unequivocally in love with. She really knows how to pick them, doesn’t she?

[Read on AO3]

I’ve had the absolute joy (and agony) writing this fic, and though it took literal months, it’s finally out in the world. Thank you to @guessimreallyhere for cheering me on! Big thank yous to @unnaturalceilings and @lauriedanvers for creating the phenomenal art pieces (linked on AO3) that accompany this work<3 Finally, infinite thanks to the @supercorpbb mods for organizing this event!

[rainbow-rebellion]

I was lucky enough to get paired with the incredibly talented @missluthorwillseeyounow for @supergirlmayhem - though to be honest it was both a blessing and a curse... because the story is so good, I had an impossible time choosing which idea to use for my art! 😄

I just recently learned how to make gifs and am enjoying it quite a bit, so I decided to try something a little different for this art piece.

(Though I do have a few key scenes in my head that I would still love to draw and will absolutely be coming back to those at some point, hopefully soon)

I know @missluthorwillseeyounow worked very hard on this incredible Matrix AU, so please go check it out. I hope you will all enjoy it as much as I did!

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Special thanks to the Mayhem team for putting this lovely event together, and to @msdanvers for helping me get started on my gif making journey 💗

[comic-book-jawns]

F is for Godmother

“Esme, sweetie, who did you learn that word from?”

Well, that’s a question Mama’s never asked before. But before Esme can ask ‘why??’, the door to Aunt Kara’s apartment opens and —

“Aunt Lena!”

Esme doesn’t get why she’s always the only one — aside from Aunt Kara, of course — who runs to give her godmother a hug every Game Night.

“Ow, fuck!”

Stupid chair.

Although the chair isn’t the one who starts laughing about her falling. That’s Aunt Nia, who is usually really nice. Uncle Brainy seems confused about it too when she falls on top on him.

“Kara, don’t you dare.”

Mommy sounds mad… because Aunt Kara is laughing too! Not like Aunt Nia, but her face is red, and she’s got a hand over her mouth, and her shoulders are shaking.

“It’s not funny!”

Esme stomps her foot as she stands up — the foot that doesn’t still hurt — and she can feel her eyes getting spicy. Which her moms say is ‘okay.’ But it’s not okay because it makes Aunt Lena sad, and Esme just wanted to make her smile!

At least no one’s laughing anymore.

“You okay?”

Esme feels her godmother’s hand on her shoulder and spins around to throw her arms around Aunt Lena’s shoulders. She always crouches down when she talks to Esme.

“They’re making fun of me.”

“No, honey, they’re not. They’re making fun of me.”

Esme pushes back with a gasp. She might not like them laughing at her… but at Aunt Lena?!

“Not in a mean way! Not in a mean way!”

She looks back to see Aunt Lena flapping her hands, which she does when she’s talking fast.

“In a friend way?”

“Yes.”

“But you didn’t do anything. You just got here.”

Aunt Lena opens her mouth… and then she laughs, quietly, and shakes her head.

“Lena.”

Mommy sounds mad again, and her godmother’s face is really red all the sudden. Esme turns around again, ready to protect her.

“A word?”

But then the laughing starts again, louder than before. Even Papa J’onn is smiling! And —

“Kelly!”

“I’m sorry, dear, but you could have phrased that any other way.”

**12 Hours Later**

Esme still doesn’t see what the big deal is. It’s just the word her godmother uses when some part of her experiment isn’t working, like now.

“LENA KIERAN LUTHOR!”

[dansenbb]

At the Crossroads by FazedLight

Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen

Summary:

Time went on, and she and Alex started having another conversation. “I still want to be a mom,” Alex said one day, “Sometimes I wonder if I’m holding off until it’s too late.” Kelly squeezed at Alex’s arm. “I’m game if you are.” Alex’s smile was still reluctant with worry. “This- Kelly, I feel like this is forever. But I don’t want to change our dynamic and ruin things.” Kelly grabbed her hand, her response emphatic. “This isn’t going to ruin things. I want to be a mom too. Plus, this was one of the first things I knew about you,” she grinned. Alex smiled back. “I’ll contact the adoption agency again.” --- Filling in the missing moments between Kelly and Alex, and their journey in adopting Esme.

Language: English || Words: 5,049 || Chapters: 1/1