#Aghhh idk

[chaosduckies]

Friends In Small Places (Chapter 1)

The size shifter story is finally here! This is more of a slightly sad piece, even though this first chapter isn’t really all that gloomy and monochrome, I actually have this entire plot line planned out and everything, and whew is the ending going to be something.

Butt I hope you enjoy! (this chapter is mainly just for introductions so I’m sorry if there really isn’t anything interesting TwT)

Word Count: 4.2k

CW: Depression, major anxiety, slight gore warning? (Though nothing actually happens)

1-Liam

Today the main hall was bustling with people crowding the board that had all of the activities and clubs posted on. Most of the time people didn’t care all too much about it, only the people who were actually in those clubs, but today was different for some reason. Fitting in between the seemingly hundreds of people, I saw what the commotion was all about. The psychology classes were all being called to a meeting at four. Which was when most classes ended, but still. It’s rare that this school ever calls meetings. It just so happens that I was taking psychology though. 

I sighed, moving back on the free sidewalk get to the library. A friend was waiting for me to help her study for a test she had in just a few hours. I thought I might as well help seeing that I’ve already taken the course. I used to think that college was extremely strict from how my old high school teachers described it, but in reality it’s not that hard when you just take the time to study and take a few practice tests the day before one. It was just two-and-a-half years before I major in psychology and become a therapist. Well, that was my dream anyways. In this world, it was a lot harder given that most therapists get assigned to a size shifter. That was something I didn’t want to do. Well, maybe if it was one who could only shrink, but that’s maybe it. It freaks me out knowing that there are some shifters who could be as tall as a small skyscraper, and some even bigger. A shiver ran down my spine even thinking about it. But that won’t happen. 

Among the few people sitting at the quiet tables lines with pencils, a few pieces of notebook paper, and a lamp that barely even worked, there was a girl waving her arms around aimlessly trying to gain my attention. I laughed softly before walking and sitting down next to her. It seemed she had been here for hours with how she kept her space. Papers spewed all across with scribbled down notes that was barely even legible, colored pens in a mixed mess with her other writing supplies. It made you wonder how she had even made it to college. 

“I see you’ve been hard at work, Rhya.” I set my slightly heavy bag down and started attempting to clean up the vast sums of paper all over the desk and try to keep her notes in order. 

“Yeah well, not everyone can be all neat and tidy as you are.” She lightly elbowed me before grabbing the stack of papers in my hand and shoving them in a folder. I guess she was going to re-do them after all. Either that or she didn’t need them. Despite this being primarily a nursing and health school, Rhya was in the art department. Of course she had to take the core classes along with her own elective, but she plans on becoming a graphic designer. 

“It’s not my fault I know how to study and you don’t.” I joked around, watching her pull out her computer and grab a few empty pages on notebook paper and her calculus book. 

“And it’s not my fault you don’t know how to have any fun.” She stuck her tongue out playfully before pulling up a practice test. 

“Hey I know how to have fun, just not when I know I have better things to worry about.” She solved the first problem right, pumping her fist up in the air as she wrote down the question and highlighted everything she needed to do. I’m also guessing she planned to study whatever notes she was making. 

“I guess you have a point. How’s that psychology major coming along?” She had asked, writing down the problem and attempting to solve it. I sighed, pointing to the number she was missing, “You square root that,” Rhya groaned, “It’s going good. We have some kind of weird meeting later today though.” 

“Oh? Do you know what about?” Rhya asked, but I could tell she was hiding something from me. She knew something. 

“No. Do you?” I skeptically looked at her, earning a side eye right back as she had paused her writing for a moment. 

“Would you believe me if I said no?” She grumbled, I shook my head, a slight smile forming on my face. She knew I would win this argument. 

“Okay well, this might not be true, but I heard that a few psychology students were chosen to have a training. Like, the real deal kind of thing. Size shifter and all. That the ones chosen were supposed to act like one of those special therapists.” My heart nearly skipped a beat at the news. Where did she even hear this from in the first place? There’s no way that’s even real. 

“You’re kidding, right?” I laughed nervously. Even if it was true, I doubt they’d choose a sophomore. I’ve only really had a few practices and I still have a couple more years until I become the real deal. 

“Would I lie to you?” She turned to me, a worried look on her face. Did she think I would have to go through with that? I sincerely doubt it. There was no way they’d put me on whatever list they have going on. Maybe my upperclassman though. They could choose Chelsey, she was really good with everyone and a senior. They’d most likely choose her. Maybe even Ryan since he was really experienced. Actually, he was a size shifter himself, but he’s so good at controlling his emotions that he doesn’t even need to worry about accidentally shooting up a couple feet. 

“Ah, it doesn’t matter. I doubt they choose someone with barely any experience. Don't’ worry about it.” I smiled, pointing back to Rhya’s computer to tell her that she needed to get to studying and stop worrying about me. Seriously, she really needed to study otherwise she was going to fail. I can almost guarantee that she’ll be crying to me later when she fails her test. Not my fault she doesn’t study. 

——————

The gym was a large space, but our entire class only took up one tiny portion of the bleacher space as our instructor and several other people dressed up in fancy suits were talking on the ground. I sat next to Ryan, who was playing with the green-colored band on his wrist, showing that he was in one of the five classes of size shifters. Purple represented that they could shrink down to an inch or maybe even smaller if their emotions had the better of them. Blue represented that they could shrink too, but not as much as the one’s with a purple wrist. Green represented that they could both shrink and grow, but only to a certain height. Yellow meant that the shifter could grow to be the size of about a small building, or maybe even a little more depending on how they’re feeling. Red was by far the worst one. To me at least. The shifter’s with a red band can grow to heights you could only dream of. Which was why all shifters with a red band were all forced to be with a specialized therapist for only them. Because if they lose control of their emotions, it could end pretty badly.  

“I’m glad you all saw the announcement on the board. I’m a little surprised really.” Mr. Smith shoved his hands in his front pant pockets, taking a look at all of us before his eyes laid on me, smiling warmly. Why? Something was up. 

“These two gentlemen here are the head of the SSU. Also known as the company that helps size shifters in need. Recently, there has been a shortage of individuals that are willing to work with shifters in helping them control themselves. These two are on the look for candidates-in-training to help fill those missing spots.” 

The two men in suits walked to the front, holding out a clipboard. Those had whoever was going to be picked for this. But why this school? There was another college not too far from here. They could choose from them. Unless they were, and the “tiny” shortage was actually a big one. Or… no. They wouldn’t do that, right? It’s the SSU, they’ve literally helped the world become safer for decades. They wouldn’t be doing an experiment, would they? 

“It’s wonderful to see all sixty-two of you young scholars gathered here today. As your professor already said, we are both from the head office at SSU looking for the best of the best to fill in those empty spots, regardless if you do or don’t have any experience.” That last part made a shiver run down my spine. Ryan turned his head to me, patting me on the back. There was no way they’d choose a nobody like me. No way in hell. 

“This list contains twenty of you who will be taking part in this. You will be in charge of taking care of your designated partner until we can find a professional replacement suited well enough to take over. If I call your name, please stay behind after we dismiss everyone.” The tall man smiled, looking down at the clipboard and calling several names. The anxiety pricked my skin like icicle shards, it had almost seemed like the man reading off names was speaking in slow motion. A few deep breaths, and it was back to normal. 

“Ryan Wright.” He smiled while earning several compliments and congratulations from his fellow classmates. 

“Chelsey Torres.” She giggled a few seats away from us. 

“And Liam Rover.” 

My muscles tensed up at the mention of my name. I couldn’t tell if my heart had stopped or if it was just beating horrifyingly fast. I could tell people were trying to praise me, but I couldn’t hear, their appraisal only reaching my ears in a muffled and slow manner. I managed the most sincere smile I could while trying to hide how much I was trembling. Maybe this would be okay? Maybe I’ll be lucky and not be paired up with a shifter who could potentially crush me between two if their fingers if they really wished to. Was the room cold or was it just me? 

“Everyone else may head to their dorms. Thank you for coming.” 

After everyone had filed out of the empty gym, the other shorter man dressed in an identical suit as the taller one started calling out our names all over again, handing them a red folder with presumedly the shifter we’ll be assigned. Was this how it was when you’re actually a professional? You just get assigned to one? You don’t get to know them or anything? 

Once I was handed my folder, I dreaded every single second of opening it. Please let it be easy, please let it be easy, please let it be eas-

Oh. 

It was only a picture of who we were partnered up with and anything that might be worth mentioning about them. Wow was I overreacting. Then again, that didn’t exactly smoothen out the anxiety that was still pricking at my skin. Though, this shifter didn’t seem so bad. If anything, he actually looked pretty nice. The only thing I had noticed was that he was diagnosed with depression. He kind of looked like it too if I were being honest. It seemed hard for him to smile for the picture. Why did I also get the hint that he wasn’t feeling very good either? I guess I’ll find out when we officially meet. 

“Inside you’ll find who your partner will be for the foreseeable future. You’ll still be coming to your classes, which was why we mainly wanted to stick with the upperclassmen, and afterward go back to where we are currently housing your designated shifter. You have three days to pack everything you need and want, and you’ll soon be living off campus. Just think of it was having a roommate that needs constant supervision.” 

Okay, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. I’m almost entirely confident that this shifter won’t really be a big deal. I mean, he looks about a year or two younger than me. So he just graduated high school? Agh, I have no idea. I’m just jumping to conclusions. But, hopefully they won’t make me handle anything crazy. That I can’t do. 

——————

They were driving me across the city to go meet up with the shifter I’ll be taking care of for however long. For all I know it could be a few days or weeks. I would think someone would want to step up for the job instead of letting students do this, but I guess not. Chelsey and Ryan have texted me a few times that they were getting settled in already while I was still heading over. It was already around thirty minutes just to get across the place, so that means I’ll have to take a bus almost everyday just to make it to my classes. That’s just great, but I’m in no position to complain. I actually tried talking with Professor Smith about it, but he told me that he had no say in the matter at all, which was weird. I doubt he would want his younger students to even take part in this. 

Along the streets were the many, many buildings that both accommodated for humans and their much larger or smaller companions. Although I’ve only ever been around Ryan about twice when he’s giant, it really wasn’t that bad. He can only grow till someone was like the height if his entire hand so it really wasn’t even that bad. Of course it’s still nerve-racking, but I trust him. Plus, we were at a small party with our little friend group. I doubt he could even bring himself to hurt someone. So really I wasn’t too worried. The only other shifter I’ve been around is an old high school friend of mine, but she goes to a different college now. 

Hundred of houses passed by us as we drove into a little neighborhood. What really made me worried was that the driver wasn’t exactly stopping at the normal-sized houses. Where was he going? I watched grimly as some of the huge houses we passed by came to a halt to one on the very end of one of the many streets. This one wasn’t as big as the other one’s down the street, but it wasn’t exactly small either. At least to me. So… I was paired up with a shifter who could only grow. That’s great. Just… great. 

I grabbed my bag and the small suitcase I had brought with me that was just full of my clothes and some stuff for school. Well if I’m supposed to stay here almost all of the time now I have to find something to keep me busy. And apparently from the immense size difference that will be between my new roommate and I. Of course I was terrified! If he really is diagnosed with depression and was a shifter who grew that only made matters worse for me. I hope whoever plans to take over for me does it soon. 

It took me and the driver to reach the doorstep, but eventually the driver gave it a knock. I swear I could hear some mumbling coming from the other side, but I didn’t dwell too much on that. Most.y because the extremely large door started to open slowly, but I saw no one on the other side. Maybe he was shy? 

“Well I may take my leave, though I have been ordered to tell you that a bus comes in the morning at around 6 just down the street from here, and another will take you back here around 5 and 8. Also, if anything goes wrong, to call this number on your phone.” He handed me a folded slip of paper, then took his leave. I shoved the slip in my pocket, hesitantly taking a few steps into the huge house. 

It was neatly cleaned around the place, though I couldn’t really see from my view on the ground. Everything around me was huge. I mean I’ve been to one of the rooms on the bigger side of the campus, but those rooms were smaller. It’s not an entire house filled with furniture. 

As I took a few steps out more, I jumped when the door had lightly closed behind me. My eyes trailed up and up, finding the face of the person I had seen in the picture. His eyes grew wide when I met his gaze, then bit the bottom of his lip before sliding his back against the wall behind him. 

Everything in my body told me to run, but if I did then I would only get scolded for it later. This isn’t even what I wanted to be! I wanted to be a normal therapist that helps regular adults and kids feel better. Not a human who could easily trap me in a fist and just kill me. I would have been fine if they could only shrink, but this was much worse. 

I faced down, taking a few deep breaths that barely even help me in this situation. I had to take care of someone fifty times my own size? How was that even possible? There weren’t even any smaller sized things around this place. Nothing that could help me get around easier either! 

I guess I could attempt to get his name. I mean, nothing could go wrong then, right? Just maybe from a distance… even if he could, at any point in time, just grab me whenever he so wanted. I felt sick just thinking about being held. Wouldn’t I have to be though? I can’t exactly just climb everywhere I want to go. 

“H-hi. Um, I’m Liam.” I forced myself to walk closer, even under his gaze, but I stopped walking closer when he moved himself further in the corner, looking a bit saddened. He probably knew I was scared. Maybe. I hope I’m some-what hiding it well enough. Though, I’ve never really been that good at it. 

“Oh, um, C-Casper. You can call me Cas if you want.” He kept his voice to a very quiet whisper. So he knew that if he talked too loud it would hurt my ears. At least he’s self-aware. Though, I couldn’t help but feel bad. I may be utterly terrified of him, but I mean he hasn’t really given me a reason to be truly scared, yet. 

“Nice to m-meet you, Cas.” I put on my best fake genuine smile. What? Have to find some way to convince him I wasn’t scared. Even if my body was trembling like crazy and my heart threatened to just come right out of my mouth. 

“Y-you too, sir.” His hand slightly twitched, but he just shook his head, giving me a sad look. ‘Sir?’ Why did he call me that? I didn’t dwell on it. Instead, I turned to look at the place, not finding a place to put my stuff. I sighed, hurrying to place it up against the wall opposite of Cas. This would be fine. Yeah, yeah. 

Casper, overall, seemed pretty nice. He had a black, messy hair that complimented his light-brown eyes. He wore a baggy long-sleeve shirt with a pair of jeans I have no idea why he was just wearing jeans in his own house, but it’s whatever he wants to do. Not my place to comment. The only real thing that caught my attention were the light bags in his eyes. Has he been sleeping? 

“Did you want to come here? Like, willingly?” He had asked, slightly leaning a little closer to my spot in the middle of the floor. I admit, it made me a little uneasy, but I don’t think he realized it. It just made it really hard to answer his question when all I could think about was how easily he could kill me right now. He wouldn’t do that, right? He seems so nice. Even if I’m barely two inches to him and I could easily just be crushed or accidentally killed if he wasn’t being too mindful. I shuddered at the thought, but forced my voice to work with me. 

“I-I’m just a student at a college. They just told us we were going to help out shifters, for like, real-world training I guess.” I started speaking a little fast and I could hear my voice slowly get quieter the more Cas seemed to lower his body to me. I felt so small compared to him. It’s overwhelming really, but it’s not like I can just back out. I already asked and they said if I did then I wasn’t cut out to stay in the classes. Seriously, all I wanted was to either be a therapist or a social worker. Not take on these huge responsibilities of making sure an entire living being is doing okay and doesn’t have any malicious intent to just… Aghhhh. 

“Oh. Well, I’m not exactly the best person to be paired up with.” He laughed sadly, holding up his wrist and revealing a red band. A little squeak left my mouth as I stood in place, practically frozen in fear. Why did they pair me up with him? They gave me more than I can handle. There was no way I could do this. I bit the side of my cheek, struggling to keep my composure. 

Cas caught onto my fear, scooting as far away from me as he could while making sure I wouldn’t freak out. Why did he move away? I was going to be fine. I think- But I was okay. Just as long as I keep a certain distance from him for a while. It takes me a long time to adjust to new things, and this might take me a while, but I couldn’t just do nothing. It was obvious to me that Cas was afraid of something, I just couldn’t figure out what just yet. 

“I’m fine, Cas, I promise.” I nervously smiled, hiding how terrified I was. Shifters with a red band can grow to heights you could only dream of. Great. Seriously, what have they done? They think I can handle someone who already looks like he’s struggling to keep himself together just by meeting me? I didn’t really want to find out what would happen if he doesn’t contain his emotions. Was there a person partnered up with him before? I knew I wasn’t going to be getting any answers, but there was no harm in asking them. 

“O-Okay,” He whispered, getting in a more comfortable sitting position, “Are you sure though? I don’t mind giving you an hour or two to get used to… everything.” He looked away for a second, and I could tell something was on his mind. Along with the constant moving away every time I had tried to walk closer, or when he knew I was scared of him, I would think to say that he’s scared of himself. Or, at least hurting other people. It makes sense actually. I’ve heard stories that a lot of shifters realize that they can really hurt people and just try their hardest not to interact with people smaller than themselves. It’s like they collapse on themselves since they don’t want to hurt anyone. I guess Cas and I weren’t so different. 

“Okay, look, it’s obvious that you’re more afraid of yourself than I am of you,” Cas’s eyes widened, “How about we both try to help each other out? I’ll keep trying if you do.” I held out my hand without thinking. A compromise between the two of us. I know we both met like five minutes ago, but I’m pretty sharp for people my age with little experience. But, honestly, maybe this wasn’t so bad. I think all that Cas wanted was the relief that he won’t hurt people. Or something like that. 

“You’d go through with all that? I’m not exactly mentally stable.” I could tell that he was worried, but I just nodded my head, a genuine smile on my face that I hoped he could see. 

He eyed my hand for a while, and I still hadn’t realized what was wrong until he lightly pinched my hand between the tip of his pointer and thumb, barely even lifting it up and down for my own sake. Oh he has no idea how scared I was right now, but he didn’t have to know that. Just a little more pressure and he could just yank my arm right off-I shook that thought away. Don’t think about that right now. It would be okay. Just as long as I get an idea of what to do when he does eventually lose control or something. I had zero idea. I think the thought that stuck in the back of my mind was making me more worried than anything really. I’m just a stress toy for him. But I’ll just have to get over my fear. There was no way I would let this stop me from graduating. Not in a million years.

——————

Sorry for a slightly boring chapter! I did a LOT of world building for this one, and had to map out almost every single interaction through the course of the entire story plot. There also wasn’t much g/t but again, it’s just an introduction chapter. (I’m doing what I love and no one can stop me hehehe-)

But I hope you enjoyed reading! I promise the second chapter will have a much, much better g/t interaction. (Oh trust me it will >:3) I hope you all have a great day/night!

[maitanii]

i have to make a tough decision... who's going to be my next pfp 🤧

[shima-draws]

This is what their Zou reunion is like. TO ME

[carpathiians]

i can't say goodbye

bonus javier sketch :)

[ancuninfiles]

I may or may not've drawn Nym and Astarion from my fic, Comfort 🌚

[scelister]

SILENCE RAGHH, for lonetrail but pretend someone just woke up, saw her working unbeknownst that she pulled an allnighter and asked her for a favor,, this would be her response fr (idk, just a small headcanon of sumn

But yep!! Just a doodle i did, well it was until i rendered it HAHAH

[eddies-house]

Older!Rockstar!Eddie Munson x Fem!reader

(Slight breeding kink, Eddie and reader are parents, a little bit of smut at the end)

You and older!rockstar!eddie who have moved to Palm Springs for a quieter life and have a full house of five kids, three of them teenagers and two pre teens. LA is where the industry is and although you and Eddie loved your life there, you especially being from there, you needed a change in pace and what better place to move than the desert where majority of the population are old people who only care about golf. Paparazzi are no where to be found and Eddie can go to the grocery store without being hounded by fans. Not that he minded too much before, it was the life he longed for in the end after all, but it feels like a breath of fresh air when he can shop for eggs without feeling someone’s stare at the back of his head.

Eddie’s long since cut his long curls as well, insisting that he’s getting old and although he’s not even in his fifties yet, it’s a hassle to comb out his curls, his joints not as oiled up as they used to be. You mourned his brunette curls, saying a dramatic goodbye to them the day he chopped them off himself in your shared bathroom. All grief left the room the second he padded into the kitchen with a reinvented look, shaggy curls still falling from his head, only a shorter variation of his signature style. You didn’t think he could get any sexier but he’d proven you wrong. The way he shook his hair out like a shaggy dog would usually have you scolding him, yelling at him to at least let you get out of the splash zone first. Instead you stare at the new version of your sweet Eddie, the haircut doing him several favors as your eyes move down his tattooed torso, the shine of his nipple rings catching your eye, trailing along every detail you’ve already memorized time and time again. Your thirst for him never wavered, not once in your time together and when he smirked at you like that as he recognized the far off look on your face, your knees nearly gave out.

though his haircut aided in disguising him a little better in public spaces, people caught on quickly and he was suddenly “Eddie Munson sporting sexy new haircut”. Needless to say it was time for a change and you both knew it, Eddie telling you that with all the fame and everything he’s ever wanted, now he just wanted to have a normal suburban life. He never thought he’d see the day where those words came out of his mouth.

Especially not when he grew up loathing suburban picket fence families, the trailer park coming to be the only thing he knew. Those people were assholes anyway, he never ever wanted to be associated with them. And now he was buying a house in a gorgeous neighborhood with his doting wife, he himself being a doting husband and quietly he swore he was not going to lose his roots, he hasn’t lost touch this far into his career and he wasn’t going to start now. He only wanted what was good for his family, also something he never thought he’d utter to himself, fully convinced in his early twenties that a family would never be in his future. To be fair he’d never had one other than Wayne so who was he to envision one for his future self?

Fast forward to when you’ve moved in, the house finally all unpacked and decorated. It’s Christmas Eve and you’re making dinner, your entire family littered around the giant kitchen island also helping out. One of them is making tik tok after tik tok like their life depends on it, their siblings jumping in here and there. Occasionally they ask you to make an appearance but you’d always been camera shy, even in the spotlight that came with Eddie’s career so you avoided it as much as you could. And then Eddie gets involved, learning the dances and just being his rambunctious self, making his kids and yourself laugh.

When your daughter complains that you won’t jump into one of the tik toks one of the other kids sparks an idea and they go a little too quiet but you don’t think too much of it. A few minutes later they’re playing the song that you and Eddie always dance to around the house when it comes on. They play it through the speaker while one sneakily sets up the phone and records. You and Eddie have no idea as Eddie approaches you, picking you up and spinning you in his arms, you with a mixing bowl still in hand while you shriek in surprise.

Eddie sets you down to pluck the bowl out of your hands and discard it on top of the counter, pulling you close to dance and bounce around with you, giving your butt a few love taps which earns a series of “ews” from your audience. Neither of you tear your eyes away from each other, swaying together throughout the kitchen. Eddie has no shame, pressing kisses to your lips repeatedly while singing the lyrics under his breath. He doesn’t care about your kids groaning from across the kitchen, barely even hears them, figures he must be doing something right if his kids are grossed out by his affection for you.

Later he calls them little shitheads when he finds out they recorded and uploaded a video but has a big stupid grin on his face the whole time he scolds them. He knows how nervous you get about stuff like this but he can’t help smiling as he watched the two of you over and over just be so…in love. So enamored with each other. You can’t even be mad either, finding it so cute that your kids would be fond enough of their parents to post them on their tik tok like that.

that night you and Eddie sit in bed with a stupid Christmas movie on while sharing cookies you’d baked with your kids downstairs earlier. He’s moaning about how good they are and you receive endless chocolate flavored kisses. Somehow you end up under him, his hips pressed into yours while he thrusts slowly and deeply into you, his lips gently trailing along your neck, tickling your ear just how you like that forces the sweetest sounds out of your pretty mouth, just how he likes. The praises he mumbles into your skin have you writhing and whimpering beneath him.

“My gorgeous wife, I’m still not over calling you that, y’know that?”

“Taking me so well, you want me to fill you up? Want me to fuck another baby into you? Huh?”

“Gonna fuckin’ spoil you for the rest of my goddamn life baby.”

And you know Eddie is a man of his word. He’ll make good on that promise. And who cares if come the morning, your kids are all waiting by the tree to open gifts with scowls on their face cause they knew what you got up to the night before? It becomes Eddie’s responsibility to keep you quiet in the bedroom.

[lsleofthelost]

eye contact

[halfmoonstruck]

twisted sword, musou no hitotachi style

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

I've been thinking about how Vash always seems to be hungry. Or at least, that he's shown eating quite often in the manga. Happily having his salmon sandwiches. Eating an entire box of donuts in the side car. Knowing the conversion rate of bullets to pizza. Seeing a flower and immediately wondering if it's edible. Pondering his life over breakfast. It's a really cute little character detail about him - he likes food.

But then I kind of started to think about the angel arm and its specific brand of destruction. How there were no bodies to be recovered. Nothing but a crater left of July, left on the Fifth Moon. It's all been incinerated. Devoured, even. Tristamp takes it even a step further and makes the power something akin to a black hole - a yawning drain; a constant destructive hunger.

Vash is clearly terrified of this potential for destruction, and for very good reason. But it's not separate from him as some kind of "power he can't control" - it's his arm. It's literally his arm. It is him. Vash is scared of himself, scared of losing control. He does what he can to repress it, even subconsciously (the gaps in his memory whenever it activates). He can't control it in the moment, so he takes steps to preemptively push it down, to avoid the use of his abilities entirely, to hide himself away.

I talked a bit in a previous post about how there are probably several interrelated reasons for Vash's chronically avoidant behaviour, but I'd like to throw one more into the ring and suggest that it's not just a matter of not deserving to want things, but maybe also that he's afraid of wanting. That if he allows himself to even think about what he wants personally that he'll want too much, take too much, and that the only cure in his mind for this is to give and give repeatedly.

I wonder how starved he is for love. Vash loves hard, after all. Once he loves (and I’m not talking about the broad, distant love/compassion he has in general), for better or worse, he carries them around with him forever, long after they've passed. Does he feel like it'd be selfish to admit this kind of want? His love isn't really a passive thing after all - it's the drive at his very core; a mournful inferno he is just barely suppressing. Does he remember how to love in a way that doesn't consume him entirely?

Is that part of the reason he checks out at signs of intimacy? Diverts gifts towards others? Tends to accept kind gestures only when under an assumed name? Intentionally starves himself in Tristamp? Runs and runs and runs? Is he afraid he won't be able to stop hungering? That allowing himself to want means his want will become insatiable?

I just have to wonder how much of his avoidance of connection is being scared that he will cause more destruction (to them? or to him?) by trying to take far too much into his hands than he ever caused by turning his back and running.

...of course I may just be entirely deranged here sorry.

[chaosduckies]

Nico thought he saw another shark…

I like to imagine that later on when Nico gets scared and Callum’s around he’d just wrap himself around his finger for protection. Awww the fluff I could write with this. (Totally not gonna write this later :D)

I kind of hate how this came out, but I love it at the same time? Idek. I’m just having fun with drawing these two! I would love if you guys want me to draw something of them too! Don’t be afraid to ask!

Close up under the cut! :D

[tubbytarchia]

Jimmy wing and wing clipping headcanons because I don't think I've ever written it down on here but. You guys ought to know by now how insane I am about his canary wings as symbolism so here goes yippee

Sometimes I like to imagine Evo Jimmy with little chick wings, all white and fuzzy and stuff because that's adorable. But moreso I stick with the idea that his wings very suddenly sprouted in Third Life (the canary curse did start with traffic) which alarmed both him and Scott. Jimmy would have been somewhat excited but mostly nervous. Scott wouldn't have shown too much care until he realized how fast the wings kept growing, serving as an unpredictability. And Scott doesn't like unpredictability. He needs to be able to pave his path the way he sees fit to fulfill the tragic love story he seeks. And so he starts to clip them, to halt their growth and keep them from becoming encumbering, and it doesn't take much for Jimmy to just let him because it's for his own wellbeing - what Scott claims anyway

Without Scott in LL, he keeps clipping them on his own, but it's hard and he never quite gets used to it. He very much accidentally cuts into blood feathers too

By DL, his wings are pretty neglected and he ultimately asks Tango to clip them for him, however hesitant he is to let Tango in on it or to request such a task. Tango is horribly nervous of messing up but he's willing to do it for Jimmy's sake. Every step of the way he'd ask for assurance that he's doing this right and I'd like to imagine that it's in that process that Jimmy's forced to grapple with the fact that maybe he doesn't like his wings clipped. They stop before he can break down too much and neglect to bring it up again much - Jimmy doesn't, and Tango wants to respect that. So he just walks around with one partially clipped wing for awhile, new feathers eventually growing back and his wings start to get decently bigger again for awhile

Some people like to imagine that the avians have their wings bound etc for fairness in the games. I like to imagine that their wings get magically clipped for the duration of each game - Grian's do, but Jimmy's never do, because he wouldn't be able to take flight anyway. Grian doesn't realize though, and is often too preoccupied, but when he and Jimmy team up in LimL and he learns that Jimmy would clip them voluntarily, he's appalled. This further encourages Jimmy to ditch clipping and Grian, the proud Avian he is, can't help but dump a bunch of wing care advice on him. Jimmy decides to try and follow it, and maybe eventually even be able to fly. But he'd fall to his death by the end of it anyway

This puts a damper on his confidence, but nonetheless he keeps trying in SL. He practises for hours on end at the Big Dogs' diving pool, but he ends up pushing himself so hard that, though no longer clipped, his wings get neglected again and his feathers poke every which way from the prolonged and frustration induced practise. He might let Martyn try and preen them but Martyn wouldn't be much good at it

Welp that's it for traffic though, for now... Jimmy's wings as a represntation of his mental wellbeing whoag!!! The way he's happier in DL with Tango - lets his wings grow for the first time. And how much Scott tries to get at them - reinforced by seeing Jimmy cease to clip his wings. How Jimmy remains in a good space with LimL but gradually gets both a little more hostile and anguished with SL (eg taking enjoyment out of hitting Scott around, trying to push Martyn into lava and then running away from home thinking he can never go back now. Contrast to LimL for example where he and Joel voiced a similar sentiment together in relation to Grian when they failed to get a kill with their Enderpearl tactic, but there, he had Joel by his side). How he's gradually dismissive of Scott's approaches in LimL, very straightforwardly so in RL (as debatably canon as that is to me) and other non-traffic instances - he no longer clips his wings. But he's wings still aren't in great shape because he's not yet content with himself

I'm a firm believer that things need to get worse before they get better but. Eventually... Eventually his wings will be well cared for again and he'll stop pushing them and himself and it'll be reflective of Jimmy's growth... dreamy sigh... one day

I also like to imagine that his wings involuntarily curl around himself when he doesn't want to be perceived etc. Like um like when he had to dance in a maid outfit in SOS. cough. The trauma. I drew it once before too but eugh he'd apologize too, for his wings doing that. Because he's prone to apologizing when he's the one being hit around or having disservice done to him. He's started hitting people back a bit though... I hope he keeps doing it. Please Jimmy please start murdering people

Also I ultimately don't take the canary wings as an actual sign of the canary curse. That's just psychological horror he and others around him subject him to in my head lol. His wings resemble his unworthiness - why he's at the bottom of this cultural food chain. Not only are they useless, flightless, but also have that canary curse label put on them, keeping him reminded of his tendency to die first any time of day. When really, those wings are no burden even if he never gets to fly... Still, they'd be his... Still, they'd frame his figure like a sun following him everywhere he goes. The moment he can accept and love them despite this is the moment he accepts and loves himself, too

Im tired eepy. If there's typos or anything, oops. Love Jimmy always. Pray for my son

[p1x1x]

[theviridianbunny]

Edith nox - former doll - netrunner and netwatch agent

Mid / late 40s.  5ft 8 - white

South African  -  aromantic - questioning asexual [sex neutral] . - on and off relationship with fellow netwatch agent Bryce Mosley.

Self trained netrunner who went into sex work as an extra gig.   Eventually, she began to merge her netrunning skills into her sex work- offering remote sessions.

Eventually, Edith moved to night city and got herself into clouds.  She worked as a doll at clouds for a few years before being recuited into netwatch in 2074. 

Recruited by a female agent who picked up on her runner skills and who had been following her trail since Edith's days in South Africa.

Became an intel collector for the cyber psychosis researcher Rasmus Sundburg in the year 2076. Edith went on to write the accounts of Arasaka’s red rabbit.

As of the year 2077 - Edith is still writing the accounts of Arasaka’s red rabbit.

[mosicats]

can’t get your body back?

[somdxr]

sorry ap exams are killing me and this freak (evil filbo) crawled out of my laptop