#After years of hiding my emotions and interests and trying to love everyone I realize that it’s okay to be annoying

[the-kriller]

I just realized I hate myself

[what-even-is-thiss]

I’ve still got my social anxiety but I find it a bit easier to push it aside these days because I’m realizing that a lot of my anxieties come from how I was treated as a child by other children. And adults don’t generally treat each other the way that children do. And those who do become judgmental and bully people like children do generally get stuck in a group with the other bullies.

Adults often grow in emotional maturity. And I’m also an adult now and am not feeling big feelings for the first time. Just like I don’t scream and cry when I scrape my knee anymore, I don’t feel like the world is ending when someone doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. My fear of rejection is based on a child’s capacity for pain. Not an adult’s.

I’ve learned a lot of how social situations work through trial and error in the past few years because I didn’t have a lot of friends as a child and therefore didn’t have a lot of opportunities to learn.

And I’m still scared. I’m still terrified of rejection and I still end up dissecting and obsessing over interactions after they happen. I’ve still missed a party or two. But change is possible. And doing it scared is worth it, turns out. I’m a socially anxious introvert that nevertheless loves people.

I love small talk now. At 25 I’m doing things every week that 15 year old me would’ve thought impossible. I’m going to parties, drinking with friends, chatting with cashiers, making friends and acquaintances at church, school, coffee shops. I’m still afraid of secretaries but I don’t freeze up when talking to them anymore. People aren’t as mean and unforgiving as my brain tells me they are. Most people are fine. There isn’t some secret everyone’s hiding from me. Talking really is that easy. You just take interest in other people and try and try again until it works.

[itscherrylipsforme]

The missing piece: Oliver Quick x fem!reader

Part 2 here

Summary: A few months after Saltburn becomes completely his, Oliver still feels like something is missing. Without being able to put a finger on it he decides to pay a visit to Oxford, where all started, trying to find the answer between his old memories. Fate believes that a pretty and sweet student he meets in a bookstore is the piece of the puzzle he needs right now. After all everyone wants to be showered with love, don’t they?

Warnings: Post Saltburn fic, a little bit dark (it’s Oliver, what you expected?), age gap (he is around 15-17 years older), slightly innocent kin? (nothing sexual)

Words: Around 1700

Author's rambles: Okay, I feel in love with him the movie and I am kind of embarrassed about it (It’s not my fault hat the actor has pretty eyes and a gorgeous accent, fine?) For your own good, don’t aspire to have a boyfriend as toxic as him in real life. Also this is my fic on Tumblr, please be nice

Masterlist Characters I write for

Likes and reblogs are appreciated ღ

I do not authorize any of my works to be copied, translated or plagiarized ✗

There is a psychological phenomenon that claims that after achieving something we have been longing for some time instead of the sense of satisfaction we were expecting we feel incomplete, hopeless and already looking forward to our next success. After having the Saltburn's keys just for himself, Oliver experienced that piercing emotion for the first time in his life. If he was painfully unaware of it or simply decided to ignore it remains as an open question until today. The only thing that was certain for him at that time is that he needed some action, a new goal, maybe some entertainment, and specially he needed answers. That’s why he decided to go back to the place it all started nearly sixteen years ago

Oxford hadn’t changed a lot since he graduated, as he had the chance to notice it. Different names, different faces, different decades… But still the same social scheme it was back them. Groups of rich daddy’s and mommy’s children swarming around the campus, pubs where you had to drink to be accepted, and poor little nobodies who had to adapt or die in the process

He rented a large flat not so far away from the university, and in the café just below it he rediscovered a hobby he had always had, but which have been almost forgotten on those last months on the mansion. Looking at the students, being able to read through their facades while accompanied by a cup of coffee, became his new pastime. But people always talk and after some weeks spending the afternoon in the café terrace just lost in his thoughts he realized the odd glances the staff shot towards him, so he decided to hide his true interest behind a less complex and unique one. The next day he went to the closest bookstore to buy any novel that would help him with his purpose, after all, people just ask fewer questions when you are reading on your own. That was when he found you sitting on a couch, legs crossed with a book between your small and soft hands

Pretty, beautiful, gorgeous even. Young, probably still studying at Oxford. On the shy aspect, lovely and smart as he guessed correctly. Sweet smile. Bright eyes. Oh, and some soft curves he was able to peep while he seemed to be looking at the shelves by your side. Wait, was that a blush, what he saw on your cheeks? Another scholarship student as he was back then. The fact that your clothes weren’t from big and expensive brands and that you spent your afternoons in the bookshop without really buying anything was the clue he needed to be sure about it. God, you were adorable, perfect, just what he needed right now and he decided to start working on it

Time had shown him that patience and a good plan could take you far away, this is the reason why, although he was eager to come to you and straight-forward mesmerize you with his tricks, he waited. He spent the next five weeks going to the library more or less daily hoping to see you, and luckily (since he was used to building his own luck) your schedules always matched. He always sat on an armchair to read next to yours, close but not enough to be suspicious. Just after he had made sure you have not so subtly looked at him a few times, he decided to make the move

“The Secret History” a deep silky voice said from behind your seat. His face slightly near to your face which made the words linger in the air for some honey-like seconds “You have a good taste”

“Thanks… Thank you” you manged to say in sweet and shy whisper

“First time you read it?” he asked and a shake of your head was the response he got

“No, I have already read it a couple of times in pdf. But I have never owned the physical book”

“We can have that keep happening, can’t we?” he grinned, and you couldn’t remember if he was the first man who had smiled and looked at you in that way “May I have a look at it?” his large and firm hands came to hold the cover as he stood up and went straight to the cashier “Follow me, darling” the nickname rolled in his tongue, sweet as candy, and before you thought about it, you did as he said. You were obedient, good thing, he thought to himself. He pulled the money out of his wallet in merely seconds, paid for it and hand it back to you

“Thanks, but I can’t accept it” you said slightly embarrassed

“Of course, you can! It truly is an amazing novel, you deserve it” he smirked. His words have had just the reaction he had expected from you, cheeks covered with a tiny hint of pink “I have always found myself relating to Henry Winter, I just need my Camila now”

You were taken back, was that an attempt to flirt? Because if it was, he had your attention. While you tried to make any sense out of your thought, he spoke again

“I am usually on a café nearby, if you are interested you could come sometime” Another smirk, and at that moment you knew that this man was going to be the death to you. Things like this only happened to the main characters in romance movies

“I don’t even know your name”

“ You can call me Oliver, darling”

“I am y/n”

“Beautiful, beautiful y/n, it was a pleasure to meet you. Hope we see each other again”

And you did. Between coffees, books, conversations and more, he had you wrapped around his finger by the time your classes ended. Oliver was sweet, devoted, intelligent… all you could ever ask for in a man. He was straight out of your dreams, and damn he felt you were straight out of his. Innocent, easy to make blush, could keep with his ramblings and most important, you were eager to love, and he was eager to be loved

Yesterday it had been your graduation, when you left the ceremony in that beautiful dress he had insisted on buying you and wrapped your arms around him, he felt like his plan has almost completely succeeded. Almost, you wanted a fairy tale romance, and he was going to give you one. Keeping things slowly and delicate. But when he woke up and felt you laying on his chest sleeping peacefully, he couldn’t help but want to make you his. That had been the only night you had spent in his apartment in your months together. He had sworn to himself that he wouldn't rush, so he didn't. At least he was glad you were coming with him to Saltburn for a few weeks in the summer and you could bet he wouldn’t let you leave the mansion again if he could. After all, you were all that he wanted. His missing piece

Part 2 here

[johnslittlespoon]

accidentally just created my own buckbucky college au oops (i love college aus tho, this was far overdue tbh) so here's like ~2k words of (semi–nsfw) drabble that i wanna turn into a oneshot/series :-)

thinking about modern au pre–established relationship buckbucky who meet in their first year of college because they apply to an ad to rent a two bedroom apartment near campus, complete strangers save for a few texts back and forth until move in day.

they become fast friends despite how opposite they are, john being a cliche frat boy type (but subverting expectations by majoring in something english–related? waxing secret poetry about his 'obvious as the sun to everyone but gale' crush on his roommate lol) and gale being a studious math/science major, no interest in parties or campus culture. pining aside, everything's just fine until:

john does something stupid a few months into the school year and ends up spraining/breaking his dominant arm– probably wipes out trying to ride his bike home to his and gale's apartment while drunk after a party. gale gets a call at midnight from a sheepish john asking if he can come drive him to the hospital, and of course he does, though after his initial concern when he picks john up at the side of some random street, he's fuming at john's idiocy.

"you could've rode into traffic, john. jesus, you're gonna give me a stroke one of these days, you gotta start using your brain more." and john's drenched in cold–sweat from pain as he cradles his arm to his chest, head tilted back against the headrest and trying not to curse out every red light as his head spins, but he still cracks a weak smile and says "c'mon buck, you'd be bored if i started using my brain." gale glances over and the stern look is enough to shut john up.

this injury leads to gale having to help him with certain tasks for a bit, like shaving his face, brushing his teeth, doing his hair, tying shoes, etc. john's stubborn the day after, independent to a fault, refusing to ask for help, and gale watches with mild amusement/hidden winces, not wanting to push because he knows by now it'll only make john dig his heels in. gale only decides that enough is enough when he's walking past the half–open bathroom door the next afternoon and suddenly hears a sharp inhale and a stream of profanities and pokes his head in to find john's cut his jaw trying to shave with his left hand.

the intimacy and domesticity of it all– john pretends he's inconvenienced, but once he realizes this means he gets to stare at gale's focussed face up close as he sits on the bathroom counter and gale stands between his legs carefully shaving away his stubble, he's a lot less reluctant to accept help. but being that close to gale's face and being able to unabashedly study his long lashes and the curve of his lips is dangerous for john's lack of impulse control, barely keeping his pining under wraps from the moment they'd met, let alone with this newfound proximity they have to fall into the routine of.

so john has fun being a shithead on purpose during these moments, both to distract his yearning brain and for his own entertainment, just yapping away while gale's frustratedly trying to grab him by his jaw and hold him still for five seconds. biting down on the toothbrush when gale's trying to do a proper job of brushing his teeth so gale has to wrestle it away like he's playing tug of war with a dog, being an asshole and jerking his shoe to the side while gale's doing up his laces for him, heart leaping at the thrill he gets from gale's touches getting firmer when he's fed up, or from being pinned by irritated blue eyes.

he has no idea gale's pining just as hard, because gale's a master of concealing emotions in thanks to a very different upbringing than john's, and because while gale doesn't hide his queerness, he's not as open with it as john is. but gale's losing his mind just as much each time john needs his help, and the way he feels his self control slipping scares him.

this little dance around each other probably comes to a peak when john's being extra difficult one day while gale's trying to tame his wild curls for him. gale's got john pressed back against the bathroom counter with a scowl, working his gelled fingers through thick dark hair, and john can barely think straight because oh, has he ever spent an ungodly amount of time thinking about gale's hands in his hair under very different circumstances.

john's got a grin so big it near splits his face in half as he purposefully leans out of gale's reach, pulling every annoying thing he can think of because if he focuses too hard on gale's motions, he's gonna pop a very inconvenient boner with no hope of concealing it from gale with the way he's pressed up against him.

but gale's got twenty minutes until his next class and it's a ten minute walk from their apartment, and he's at the end of his rope, so he finally snaps and without giving it a second thought he closes the last bit of distance between them to grab at the back of john's hair, and he pulls, hard.

the smile slides off john's face as his mouth falls open and his hips reflexively jerk forward and whatever scolding gale was about to give him dies in his throat because holy shit. there's a few seconds where both of them just stare at each other wide eyed with their hearts pounding, john internally spiralling because he thinks he's just fucked everything up, gale internally spiralling because oh my god, he hasn't been misreading john's behaviour around him.

gale whispers a "fuck" and, more impulsive than he's ever allowed himself to be, goes in for the kiss, hand still tight in john's hair, and john whines into his mouth and his hands fly to gale's waist and everything gets heated really quick– until gale pulls away with a gasp for breath, both of them panting, cheeks flushed and eyes heavy. and then gale's ducking out of the bathroom and grabbing his backpack from the entry way and all but sprinting out of the apartment.

john's left standing there harder than he's ever been in his life but also panicking because he's not sure whether he's fucked up or whether gale's just overwhelmed, because he knows gale well enough to know he likes his space when big things happen.

but gale also knows john well enough to know how big of an overthinker he is; they've probably had to work through some incidents where their communication styles have clashed over the few months they've been roomies. so after his hands stop shaking enough while he's walking to campus, he types out a message to john letting him know 'I'm all good. Sorry for running, was gonna be late for class and panicked. Talk later, yeah?'

and john sighs in relief, texts back a 'np. sounds good :)' and then promptly shoves a hand down his pants and comes embarrassingly quick with the sting of gale's hands in his hair still fresh in his mind.

they talk things out somewhat, blahblahblah plotting problem for future me, but they're both shy and awkward around each other for a bit, which is so out of character for john and how obnoxiously flirty and loud mouthed he normally is.

so maybe what finally breaks them out of this tiptoeing around each other after a few days is something stupid– specifically, john ends up pent up and frustrated because trying to get off with his left hand just isn't doing it for him. and he's one of those 'once a day minimum' guys, so this isn't something he can just ignore; finds his temper is shorter, and he can't focus as well, etc. drama queen.

either gale comments on it lightheartedly and john blurts out his problem unthinkingly, or john makes an offhand joke about it, and gale thinks john's lack of impulse control is starting to rub off on him, because after a beat of silence, he gets out an "i can help."

john's head snaps over to look at him so fast he feels like he gives himself whiplash, eyes comically rounded, wondering if he's heard gale wrong or if gale's making a rare flirtatious joke. gale blinks back at him, looking just as surprised, tips of his ears going a little pink, but he doesn't laugh or throw in a 'only kidding!'

mumbles a "y'know, if you want," second guessing himself as if what happened in the bathroom a few days before isn't in john's top three best things that have ever happened to him list. john gets out a "yeah– yeah, i want," uncharacteristically nervous, and gale nods, turning his attention back to his laptop. and john just stands there in the kitchen, flabbergasted, shifting uncertainly.

works up the courage to shyly ask, "like. now? or." and he feels like he's never fumbled the bag so hard in his life, unable to remember the last time he's felt shy when talking about sex–related stuff, realizes just how bad his crush on gale's gotten. beyond a crush, at this point. and it makes it worse that gale's so nonchalant now, humming to himself as if in deep thought before saying "later. i've gotta get this assignment done."

john loses his mind over those next few hours, trying to be patient and give gale space to focus, but he's half hard the whole time and can't think about anything other than what gale means by 'helping'. gale can sense his impatience from the other side of their apartment, and he can't help the way it makes him smile to himself, having fun teasing john without even needing to do anything, and without john knowing it's fully intentional.

unfortunately this arrangement, however it plays out, probably leads to a lotta miscommunication and repression of feelings, because they're both dumb boys who suck at communicating, neither one of them wanting to ruin a good thing (aka an inevitable friends with benefits situation) by bringing up their feelings for the other. but there's plenty of hot sex and light kink exploration in the meantime, and eventually they sort their shit out, likely by accident like every other situation they've stumbled into together.

and not to cliffhang pre–smut, but i'll leave it there because this is way too long and if i do turn it into a oneshot i don't wanna write it all out of my system into this drabble before it makes it into a fic loll <3

[taeu7]

"In Tune with Love: You, the Melody of My Heart"

PART 2

The awkward silence lingered for a moment until the studio door opened, revealing the rest of the Seventeen members returning from their break. Y/N, realizing the need to break the tension, quickly stood up and greeted them with a bright smile."Hey, everyone! I missed you guys so much," she exclaimed, embracing each member one by one. The others responded with warmth, happy to see Jeonghan's sister back in Korea.Jeonghan, catching up to the group, grinned at Y/N. "You surprised us! How was your trip back?"Y/N chuckled, "It was good! I couldn't wait to see you all. Oh, and by the way, I tried playing the piano, but I think I need more practice. Wonwoo was giving me some pointers."The members looked at Wonwoo, who offered a casual nod. "Yeah, just helping out a bit. She's got potential."The atmosphere lightened as the group shifted their focus to catching up and preparing for their upcoming comeback. Y/N skillfully diverted the situation, keeping the interaction light and friendly.As the night continued, Y/N found herself engaged in conversations, sharing stories of her time abroad, and enjoying the camaraderie of Seventeen. Meanwhile, Wonwoo silently observed, still processing the unexpected moment in the studio.Little did they know, this twist in their interactions would set the stage for a series of events that would redefine their relationships within the group.

As Y/N made her way home, she felt a knot in her stomach. She couldn’t stop thinking about the studio incident. She replayed the scene in her mind, over and over again. She wondered why she had let her guard down, especially with Wonwoo, her brother’s friend. She felt a pang of guilt and regret. She knew she had crossed a line, and she didn’t know how to fix it.

She had always had a crush on him, ever since she met him through Jeonghan. He was kind, funny, and talented. He had a deep voice, a sharp mind, and a warm smile. He was everything she wanted, but nothing she could have. He was her brother’s friend, and she was his friend’s sister. She knew he didn’t see her as anything more than that. She knew she had to hide her feelings, to respect their friendship, to protect their group’s harmony. But when she saw him again, after three years, something changed. Something snapped. Something sparked.

She felt a rush of emotions, a mix of excitement, curiosity, and attraction. She felt drawn to him, like a magnet. She wanted to be near him, to talk to him, to touch him. She couldn’t resist the temptation, even when she knew it was wrong. She let herself get carried away, and she ended up in a situation she couldn’t handle. She ended up in the studio, playing the piano with him, looking into his eyes, feeling his fingers on hers, leaning closer to him, almost kissing him. She ended up falling in love with him, even more than before.

She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. She knew she had to snap out of it. She knew she had to move on. She knew she had to give them some space. Ignoring Wonwoo for a while seemed like the best solution. She decided to focus on herself, on her own interests, on her own life. She avoided the studio and any situations that might bring her face-to-face with him. She hoped he would forget about her, and she hoped she would forget about him.

Days turned into weeks, and Y/N tried to immerse herself in her own world. She spent quality time with her family, catching up on their lives and sharing her experiences. She pursued her personal interests, reading books, watching movies, and learning new skills. She enjoyed her own company, finding peace and happiness in solitude. She pretended to be fine, to be normal, to be over him. But deep down, she knew she wasn’t. She knew she still loved him, and she knew he still haunted her.

After a week

Y/N had come to the dome to deliver Jeonghan’s forgotten items. She had hoped to avoid Wonwoo, but fate had other plans. She had bumped into him on the rooftop, where he had gone to get some fresh air. He had greeted her with a smile, but she had sensed something was off. He had looked at her with a mix of concern and curiosity, as if he wanted to say something. She had felt nervous and guilty, remembering the studio incident. She had tried to act normal, but she knew he could see through her.

Wonwoo had been surprised to see Y/N at the dome. He had missed her, but he hadn’t heard from her in a week. He had wondered if she was avoiding him, and if so, why. He had wanted to talk to her, to clear the air, to understand what had happened in the studio. He had felt a rush of emotions, a mix of excitement, confusion, and attraction. He had tried to act casual, but he knew he couldn’t hide his feelings.

They had exchanged some small talk, but it had felt awkward and forced. They had both sensed the tension between them, but they had both been afraid to break it. They had both wanted to know the truth, but they had both been afraid to face it. They had both stood there, in silence, until Wonwoo had finally gathered his courage and spoken.

Wonwoo: Y/N, I’ve noticed things have been a bit off lately. Is everything okay?

Y/N: (hesitating) Wonwoo, I just thought it’d be best to give us some space after what happened in the studio. I didn’t want to make things awkward.

Wonwoo: (nodding) I appreciate your concern, Y/N. But I don’t want our friendship to suffer because of one moment. Can we talk about it? I value our connection, and I want to make sure you feel comfortable.

Y/N: (sighing) Okay, Wonwoo. I guess we can’t avoid this any longer. There’s something I need to tell you. Something I’ve been hiding for a long time.

Wonwoo: (listening) What is it, Y/N?

Y/N: (looking down) Wonwoo, I… I love you. I’ve loved you for the past three years, ever since I met you through Jeonghan. You’re kind, funny, and talented. You’re everything I want, but nothing I can have. You’re my brother’s friend, and I’m your friend’s sister. I know you don’t see me as anything more than that. I know you don’t feel the same way. But I can’t help it. I can’t control it. I can’t hide it.

Wonwoo: (shocked) Y/N, I… I don’t know what to say. I had no idea you felt that way. I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt you.

Y/N: (shaking her head) No, don’t apologize. It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I should have kept my feelings to myself. I should have respected our friendship. I should have protected our group’s harmony. But I was selfish. I was foolish. I was reckless. I let myself get carried away, and I ended up in a situation I couldn’t handle. I ended up in the studio, playing the piano with you, looking into your eyes, feeling your fingers on mine, leaning closer to you, almost kissing you. I ended up falling in love with you, even more than before.

Wonwoo: (softly) Y/N, I… I don’t know how to respond. I’m not ready for any relationship right now. I have a lot of things to deal with, as an idol, as a friend, as a person. I don’t want to hurt you, or Jeonghan, or the others. I don’t want to ruin what we have. I don’t want to lose you.

Y/N: (sadly) I understand, Wonwoo. I respect your decision. I don’t expect anything from you. I don’t want to pressure you. I don’t want to cause you any trouble. I just want you to be happy.

Wonwoo: (gently) Thank you, Y/N. You’re very brave and generous. You’re a good friend, and a good person. I’m lucky to have you in my life.

Y/N: (smiling) Thank you, Wonwoo. You’re very sweet and sincere. You’re a good friend, and a good person. I’m lucky to have you in my life.

They looked at each other, feeling a mix of sadness and gratitude. They knew they couldn’t be together, but they also knew they couldn’t be apart. They knew they had to move on, but they also knew they couldn’t forget. They knew they had to pretend, but they also knew they couldn’t lie. They knew they had to face reality, but they also knew they couldn’t deny their feelings.

Y/N: (clearing her throat) Wonwoo, let’s pretend that this conversation never happened. Let’s go back to how we were before. Let’s act normal, like nothing changed. Let’s be friends, like we always have been.

Wonwoo: (nodding) Okay, Y/N. Let’s do that. Let’s pretend that nothing happened. Let’s go back to how we were before. Let’s act normal, like nothing changed. Let’s be friends, like we always have been.

They smiled at each other, but their smiles were bitter and forced. They turned around and walked back to the dome, where the rest of the Seventeen members were waiting for them. They joined them, acting as if nothing happened. They laughed, joked, and chatted with them, acting as if nothing changed.. But deep down, they knew that everything had happened. They knew that everything had changed. They knew that everything mattered. They knew that they loved each other, and they knew that they couldn’t be together.

Will love Spark between them?Find out in the next part!

As a new writer I appreciate your feedback and comments. They inspire me to write better.

Thank you! 😊

Part 3 update!

[anncanta]

We are adults. ‘Lucifer’ and ‘Dracula’

Once in the chat, discussing Dracula, I said that it would be nice to write a fanfic about Dracula running a nightclub in London. To which one of the participants answered me, ‘Darling, such a story already exists, it`s Lucifer.’ I shrugged my shoulders and forgot about it. And a few weeks ago I decided to watch the series finally.

I absolutely loved the first three seasons, it`s brilliant. Smart, funny, dramatic, elegant. Tom Ellis is very good. He and his play are my discovery of the year. But the most interesting thing about the series, for me, is what follows from its similarities and differences with Dracula.

The similarity of motives, plot, and even to some extent – genre is obvious. But the differences are more difficult. Although they lie on the surface, making you realize at some point why the series Lucifer had problems and why it was closed after the third season.

Why do I love Dracula? For many reasons, but one of the main ones is that this is a film for adults. And not only because the heroes are over forty and have problems, consistent with their age but also because it was written and played at an adult level. You see, the main female character of Lucifer at the beginning of the film is thirty-five years old, and Lucifer himself, by human standards, looks forty-something, but at the same time, they have teenage problems and relationships.

Well, a grown-up woman can`t, giggling, bat her eyes and say to a grown-up man, ‘This is a date, right? Oh, I don’t know…’ or at every hint of sexual or emotional intimacy, wave her hands and say that that`s not what she meant. When characters do this, it inevitably involves teenage context and – of course – teen romance clichés. I saw reviews that said, ‘How is it that Chloe doesn`t react to Lucifer`s power? What is this, teenage fan fiction?’ Yes. With such a heroine, this can only be a teenage fanfic. And combined with her age, it looks terrible.

This approach to the heroine logically gives rise to another teenage cliche: the ideal girl and the bad guy.

That`s why I love Dracula and the relationship between Dracula and Agatha so much. Agatha was never a good girl and never considered herself one. Her monastic habit in this sense is a mockery of herself (in the text) and a reminder to the authors that ‘not everyone is a monk who wears a hood.’ After all, when Agatha says Johnathan about priests who always survive, she speaks not only about one particular priest but about all of them. Including that priestess who sits in front of Harker.

Not only is Agatha not perfect, she`s clear from the start that she`s interested in dark forces, and she clearly has a checkered past. She enjoys communicating with Dracula and does not hide it. She does not purse her lips and does not pretend that she is unpleasant about one or another of his actions – if she is unpleasant, then she is unpleasant, and she speaks about it openly. Agatha does not try to behave ‘decently’. She doesn`t care about decorum.

Agatha lies to herself, but this is the lie of an adult who has been burned many times by her own ugly truth.

And what about Chloe? Nothing. Sweet, smart, right, with a hairstyle that makes her eyes pop out of her head, she walks back and forth with a gun and, living in Los Angeles and being a police officer and a former actress who starred in a movie with nude scenes, she is horrified that... the nightclub owner picked up the cigarette at the crime scene?

Don`t get me wrong. I love the beauty and the beast trope. I don`t like it being turned into a straight-A student/bad-boy relationship. Moreover, if the student has not read anything except the textbook and is mainly concerned with ensuring that no one thinks that she likes the bad guy. It`s disgusting.

I don`t know how they planned to build the plot in Lucifer and who came up with the love line itself. But this is clearly its weak point. Everything else in the first three seasons is just great. All the characters, without exception, are good. The way they communicate and work together is amazing. The way the divine beings settle down on earth and try to find themselves is brilliant. The world of the series itself, its internal state, atmosphere, are beautiful. Everything in it is in its place and everything is where it should be. Except Chloe. And that`s the problem.

I don`t know why this happened. I assume that because the authors could not decide on the genre and audience of the series. On the one hand, the theme and genre seem to be teenage – a comic book about the devil who ‘lights up’ Los Angeles. On the other hand, a story about a hero who goes on a journey in search of himself (and this is what lies at the heart of the plot) is not a teenage one. Teenagers are not searching for themselves. Teenagers trying to fit in. These are different things. And the discord is completed by the choice of actors for the main roles and the age category of most of the characters – over forty. If all this happened, roughly speaking, with heroes Bella Swan`s age and in a high school setting, then everything would be fine. And Chloe`s mental turmoil would not look idiotic, but consistent with the age and psychological norm.

It hurts. Really. Because there are several moments in the series that are incredibly beautiful and valuable regardless of everything else. The main character`s journey to himself, his sad and funny attempts to get rid of his father and his unwillingness to see how much he loves his father and depends on him and his opinion of himself, his devotion to his friends, their connection that exists despite everything and radiates light. The way the hero reveals his face is one of the most intimate scenes I have ever seen, and also that how he protects his beloved. This is wonderful.

But at the same time, the story, after dozens and dozens of episodes, came down to whether the heroes would sleep together. That`s not how it`s done. Perhaps I don`t understand something and perhaps my opinion will change over time, but now everything in me is protesting. I want an adult story to remain an adult story. Do I want too much?

Or maybe Steven Moffat just spoiled me.

[ordinarykeys]

Otto progression part 2! Here's a collection of my dnd character from throughout the year so far. Including some NPCs and other player characters. We recently had our 1 year anniversary for the game so I wanted to draw everyone's character and some memorable NPCs / Enemies from the game.

I'll talk about the images under a read more if you're interested.

So the first picture was Otto's new look after becoming divine. We thought it would be cool to try out the Gestalt system (which is leveling in 2 classes at the same time), and Otto had a combo of Death Cleric with a Homebrew Necromancer we found. I would NOT recommend the homebrew we found, the subclass I took turned out to be extremely broken without us realizing. It did make for an extremely funny combat where we were fighting a mini army, dropping Sickening Radiance down on them, and getting 100+ HP back once a turn through syphoning traits. Honestly it was incredible, and extremely fitting for Otto who basically became a God of Death.

Right after making the art of Otto's next outfit shit hit the fan hard, which made the very happy and cute expression in the picture just... completely unfitting for what happened. Otto grew up in a foster home along with their six other siblings, Everette(the eyeball ghost) being one of them, and raised by an old woman named Ingrid. They loved their home, and even after they reached the age they could move out to live on their own, they chose to stay and help take care of the home. Turns out, Ingrid has been a flesh puppet orchestrated by the "real" Ingrid, who was this powerful old Ascended(super powered humans basically) that wanted to keep Otto safe until everything came together for her to set off her plan to send them out into the Otherworlds(basically the dimensions that open up to the players when they become an Ascended, think of it like the "world map" name). Then it turned out Otto was taken at birth because Ingrid needed their blood to create an immunity to the BBEG's mind control effects, and used that to give to the other players. The reason Otto was immune at birth, is because their mom is the BBEG. So, it turned out Otto had been an Ascended all along, but their powers were suppressed and they've basically been lead down this path by their grandma. Otto's BBEG mom is the bottom right lady in the 6th picture with the white hair. Which was COMPLETELY UNINTENTIONAL OTTO'S HAIR HAS BEEN SLOWLY TURNING WHITE. I had begun the process since they became an Ascended, and then when we found that out I just... my reaction was just the surprised Pikachu meme. So we found out that the BBEG had been doing this for a while, having kids, and basically killing them and taking their power for herself. Before she had the chance to do that with Otto, Ingrid snatched them and went into hiding to start her whole revenge plot.

Anyways though, since then it's just been constant emotional turmoil of the party trying to grasp what the fuck is going on(again). But we're all having a great time. I mean between the emotional trauma. It's been hit after hit for our nb legend, their other bro was murdered along with one of their companions, they've been questioning their trust with the party, they had to defend their friend against another god of Death(who they ended up taking the powers up) and now that friend won't talk to them, and they're sort of just going through the motions. IN ALL THAT THOUGH, they did start getting close to one of the NPCs named Serfan that's been helping them out. They met because Serfan was hired to kill the party. :) Good times. He's in the group picture, if you look close enough you might be able to spot who he is.

AND FINALLY, THE LAST PICTURE, is how I imagined Otto's design progressing towards the end of the story. Tired, embracing their new self, and I thought they would just look cool with a big coat. Very regal feeling for someone that would take over restoring balance in the universe as a death god.

Anyways though thanks for reading! The game is currently on pause while one the players got busy over the summer. Hopefully we'll be returning to the game soon and finishing it up. Even after the game is done, I might still draw Otto. They've grown to be a fav.

[addledmongoose]

Just here to talk about your fictions and hoping to make you giggle like a small child! You already know how much I've loved both of your fictions and how much I think they deserve to be read by everyone! I get so into your stories that your Crowley and Aziraphale become THE Crowley and Aziraphale whilst I'm reading. I'm so grateful I came across The Beginning Of The End (Again) when I did and I can't wait to read whatever you have in store next! The reverse omens fiction seems really exciting!

Please share anything you might want to and don't shy away from sharing the links!

Oh, gosh! Thank you so much. You don't know how much it means to me to see someone like my writing. I spent a lot of years trying to get novels commercially published, and the process was such a rollercoaster of emotions I won't go through that again. I much prefer posting to Ao3.

When I first started to write The Beginning of the End (Again), I literally only had the dream sequence at the beginning and the scene with Nina immediately after. That was it. No plot. No idea what I was going to do with Aziraphale. I don't do well with outlines even when I write them. The story has a tendency to go off in its own direction no matter how tightly I tried to plot. It's why I have to almost entirely finish the story before I can start posting.

When I came up with the idea for My Heart Was Always Yours, I didn't even have that much. I had the idea of them not knowing each other and not realizing the other was supernatural. I also made the mistake of posting before I knew what I was going to do with the ending, and that was very stressful. I won't be doing that again!

My reverse omens story is actually coming along pretty well. I'm 20K into the first draft. The story is being formed as I write, so I have a LOT of revisions to do, but the general plot is Azira and Crowley attend an estate sale near Birmingham when they discover the widow's granddaughter being held captive in the cellar. They learn that the child is possessed by an angel, and they're on a race to uncover what happened and exorcise the angel before the angel Falls.

I love my bearded demon Azira! He flirts outrageously with Crowley to hide how desperately in love with him he is. He wears a ton of jewelry, because he's a literal magpie! He's a master pickpocket, because he steals his "shinies" off people the human way. He still collects books, of course, but he doesn't even pretend he has any interest in sharing them, so he has a library instead of a bookshop. I'm keeping this entirely in his POV. Of course, he thinks Crowley hung the moon (I mean, he did, but you know).

And I do still intend to write that sequel to The Beginning of the End (Again); I just got a bit overwhelmed as it ran away from me. It has a lot of characters in it, and I was losing the thread of things.

Thank you so much for sending me this ask!

[thinkingjasico]

Here I am again to talk about Midnight Rain vs Jasico

(for those who doesn't know, Midnight Rain is a Taylor Swift song). I know we always put jasico like this: Jason as sunshine and Nico as midnight rain, because of their looks and some things in their personalities, but hear me out… I actually think it's the other way around

Jason insisted that he and Nico should be friends and that Nico open up to him, and that makes it seem like Jason is the person in this relationship who opens up easily and Nico is the person who shuts down and hides his emotions (and he really is). But after Nico opened up to Jason and they became friends, I believe it was easier for Nico to tell Jason about the things he went through, about his nightmares, Tartarus, traumas, abandonment… basically, everything. Because he trusts Jason and he doesn't open up like that to anyone else. BUT I believe that even trusting Nico like in no one else, and knowing that Nico was the first person to love him without thinking of him as the son of Jupiter or because of false memories, Jason still can't open up. Not because he doesn't trust, but simply because he was raised to be the perfect hero who can't show weakness, and so every time he thinks to vent he thinks that what Nico went through is worse, and that what he went through is nothing much, and that he has no right to feel sad.

Then Nico starts to fall in love with him and Jason starts to fall in love with Nico, but it's a feeling that scares both of them. But Nico trusts Jason, and wants a quiet life for the first time in his life with the boy he loves, because he realizes that Jason might be liking him back. But Jason can't open up, can't allow himself to be vulnerable, and doesn't feel worthy of Nico. He wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain.

And another point is that Jason did not like Camp Jupiter and its rules. That was not his home. My town was a wasteland, full of cages, full of fences, pageant queens and big pretenders. But for some, it was paradise.

And Jason at one point knows that Nico loves him too, but he can't bring himself to believe that he deserves that, because he believes that Nico deserves a person like Will who is easy and uncomplicated. So he leaves, studies to build the shrines and ends up dying a hero saving Apollo, Piper and Meg. And Nico stays behind with Will, building a life the way Jason wanted him to have it, even if it means Nico will never have the person he truly loved. He wanted a bride I was making my own name, chasing that fame, he stayed the same, all of me changed like midnight.

And another point that stuck with me the most. I know that Nico's life sucks too, but when it comes to family, Nico's life is a little less shitty than Jason's. Nico has a relationship with his father, he sees him when he wants and after getting over Bianca's death, Hades takes care of Nico and really cares about him. Not to mention that Nico had Bianca in his life for years, and a few years after her death he meets Hazel. And Maria was a caring mother who loved her children and died trying to stay with them and protect them. While Jason never even saw his father before the battle and never saw him again afterward. His mother lied to him and turned him over to the wolves and Juno. Jason barely had memories of his sister and when he met her again they couldn't even have a relationship because she was a hunter. And the goddess he was given to treated him like an object. At camp everyone saw him as a hero who should fulfill his role, not as a person (even Reyna says that she was first interested in Jason because he was a strong warrior and Praetor). So when Jason sees Nico with Hazel, or hears his stories about his father, he's really happy for him but can't help but feel a bitter taste because he never had any of this. Jason just didn't learn how to love, and that's why he also believes that Nico deserves someone who knows how to give that love to him and be part of his family, not someone who doesn't even know what that is. It came like a postcard, picture perfect, shiny family, holiday, peppermint candy. But for him it's every day. So I peered through a window, a deep portal, time travel, all the love we unravel, and the life I gave away.

And in the end, after Jason dies, Nico is left behind with Will. He doesn't allow himself to think about Jason or he will fall into that almost irreversible grief. But sometimes, like when he sees the picture Rachel painted, or in his dream about the mission with Cupid- Nico has no choice but to think about Jason, miss him absurdly, and know he'll never be able to live with him the way he wanted. But he has his life with Will, and that's enough… isn't it? Nico always wanted someone to love him like that, and he likes Will, and their relationship is easy. So that should be enough, shouldn't it? But Jason will always the biggest "what if" of his life (let me just add cardigan here: But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss. I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs). I guess sometimes we all get just what we wanted. And he never thinks of me, except when I'm on TV

And Jason doesn't allow himself to think about Nico while he's in Elysium. Because that's the biggest regret of his life: not trying, not allowing himself to be happy with Nico. But when Jason is in Hades' palace helping him with renovations to improve the Underworld (there's a fic that has that but I don't remember the name right now, sorry guys)- Jason can't help but think about Nico, and even though he's the one who died and that could haunt Nico forever, Jason is the one who feels haunted by the memories and regret of what he gave up. I guess sometimes we all get, some kind of haunted. And I never think of him, except on midnights like this.

[gillianthecat]

thoughts while watching

Be My Favorite episode 2

* Pink hair steaks! Someone mentioned it on here and I haven't met the guy yet, but I like them in the opening credits.

* Kawi acts like a 10 year old throwing a tantrum. Isn't he supposed to be 30? If this keeps up I may find him too annoying to like, despite the character theoretically being interesting to me.

* "You're right about one thing. I'm hot." 😂 Ok Pisaeng, no false modesty here, I see. Campus King my beloved.

* Sorry bud, but how do you make it to 30 without realizing other people get lonely. Ah, well he is self aware about this at least.

* Pisaeng is somehow already endeared by this disaster of a human being. I shall endeavor to see Kawi through his eyes. (Endeared is very charming on Pisaeng.)

* omg this confession that wasn't a confession... that maybe isn't so fake after all? 👀 i am so curious to get a glimpse inside Pisaeng's mind. This moment was well done.

* This caretaking is so sweet and careful.

* The time travel dandelion takes him between specific moments. That's a good way to set it up. There's no room in our tight schedule of falling in love for accidental detours to 1993. Or last Tuesday.

* [I'm still not warming up to Krist's acting, alas. I may have to think of this character more as a concept than an embodied person.]

* Ouch.

* And changing the past changes the present! So what is their relationship in this iteration of it? Ah! Kawi's now their best man.

* Time travel is always tricky to write. I guess the approach they're using here is that Kawi doesn't remember any of the changed intervening years? He's mentally on one path, bouncing back and forth, while everyone else's memories change based on how Kawi changed the past and the effects rippling out from that. And it seems like he can only go back to the past (2015) at the point he left it? Which is a wise choice, so that the events of 2015 will proceed in a linear manner.

* Such an earnest determined boy. So proud of him for taking the chance to stop hiding himself away. And I'm pretty sure something's going to go wrong 😂

* I think I actually like Pear more with the way she's ignoring Kawi here. She's gonna be nice to everyone, but she has her own life to live, thank you very much.

* Pisaeng is flirting so hard with Kawi and he has no idea, he's so fixated on his preexisting idea of the world.

* Pink highlights is here! Let's found out who he is... Oooh. I think I like him. Max. And I'm glad to see that Kawi is also trying to fix other things in the past besides "losing" Pear. Currently I'm most intrigued about what went down with Max and him.

* God, this poor kid is running around trying to fix everything at once. He's winning my sympathy with this.

* Um... Not so sure that it's a good idea to give the time travel mcguffin away. (I assume he's going to fail though so it will be fine 😂) He's very fixated on the idea that giving her this one specific object will fix everything and give him the life he wanted. It's actually a very plausible emotion, getting stuck that way.

* 🤣 I guess I paused a second too early; he figured that one out on his own.

* Oh good, Pisaeng at least thinks he should confess he's not the secret buddy, even if he doesn't manage to do it. I like Pear's friend. And the over vibe of awkwardness in this classroom scene.

* Oh, but I suddenly remembered during this argument in the bedroom, that Pisaeng was Kawi's secret buddy. Did he ever give him anything??

* Also, love how you keep yelling at Pisaeng that he's handsome, bud. Certainly it doesn't mean anything.

* Pisaeng is so endeared by all of Kawi's bad behavior. Every pot has its lid, etc. Kawi's already making himself into his sugar baby lol. (But I am curious as to how P&P ended up engaged after all this.)?

* So ummm... Kawi is actually 30 here... but he's acting like a 7 year old kid. I mean, it's obviously working for Pisaeng; he's charmed beneath his outward annoyance. But what's going with Kawi? Is he letting his inner child out, as part of his steps to redoing his past? Is it because he's figured out that Pisaeng likes it?

* Pear is like, "ok? It's just a secret buddy thing, why would I be mad over it?" And her express when Pisaeng gets up to go—"please don't leave me along with this weirdo." So far she (and the mysterious Max) are my faves.

* Interesting watching this one along with Star Struck. Very different tone re. class difference issues.

* I saw gifs of The Kiss on my dash, so let's see how it happens. Pisaeng looks drunk and miserable stumbling into Kawi's room. That was a desperate lunge, a man reaching for a life raft. And a cliffhanger!

* Oh my goodness, and of course Pisaeng went back to the claw machine to win a the blue thing for his starting-to-become-a-big-crush. That is the cutest thing. I like that despite his incipient crush he so far shows no jealousy of Kawi going after Pear; he's in fact eager to help and try and make Kawi happy with it. Does Pisaeng not yet realize he's getting a crush? Does he know that he's queer?

* Aww and he spends hours and a fortune in tokens and doesn't even get it 🥺 (at least that they'll show us this episode). I kinda adore him, whatever his taste in men.

The end. So far I neither love nor hate this show. There's a lot a like, some stuff that doesn't really work for me (mainly Kawi, at least as depicted by Krist) but enough to intrigue me to keep watching.

Now I'm going to go read what everyone else has been saying about it!

[evanbuckleysarms]

not to air out trauma on main - but I didn’t realize how much this Buckley reconciliation (note: reconciliation - not redemption) really meant to me until the second watch through.

going to put this under cut 

This arc is just so reflective of something so many people have done including myself. 

To steal a line from Maddie Buckley “My parents aren’t bad people, just bad parents”. I don’t think they expressed any real interest in my life after age, like, 10. Between my dad not being there to begin with, my mom trying to figure out how to rejoin the workforce and provide after the divorce, to all extra energy being devoted to my sister’s battle with heroin, there wasn’t time and energy for me or my brother. I almost didn’t graduate high school due to excessive absences and I don’t think they even noticed. Hell, my brother had to do summer school to graduate also due to excessive absence because my parents just weren’t present. My dad would leave us home alone for 30+ days to travel because he just assumed we could handle it. We even managed to hide secret pet cats in the house for six entire months before my dad realized we adopted pets under his nose.

Could they have done more? Absolutely. Did I resent them for a long long period of time? Absolutely.

My mom chose her new husband over us and changed the locks on her house without telling us. The “I don’t care enough” was very present and very loud.

Like, Maddie, I feel like my parents really started coming back in my life when I was in a stable long term relationship, I moved away, and I became successful in my career. 

They want a relationship now, they want to talk about us to their friends and claim a hand in my success. Which they did in a certain sense in that their neglect made me fight to be seen.

However, in spite of all of that - I’ve chosen to move past the neglect and hurt. Am I ever going to be close to them? No. Will they ever fly across the country to visit me? Maybe once every 5 years. But will I enjoy the time I spend with them over holidays. I am not here to seek their approval anymore, but I’m not here to fight either.  I’ve made the choice to leave the resentment and baggage behind as much as I can and try to start a new chapter with them. I don’t agree with the choices they made. I think they could have done more. They should have done more and we deserved more from them. But I understand now why they were the way they were. They *thought* they were doing their best. Similar to what Buck does though, I’ve accepted the past as what it was and have opened a new chapter with them as an adult. It’s not totally free of baggage, but I’ve moved past the resentment.

I think for many of us with bad parents, we end up on this road. We still have love in our hearts for our parents - whether people think we should or not. Being an adult and going through life adds another layer of understanding that things aren’t quite black and white. People make mistakes. People make bad choices. People make especially bad choices when they are overwhelmed with the life in front of them. My parents were going through a lot personally, which I recognize now, that led them to making very bad choices with their children. Life doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Not everyone needs to forgive their parents, but its such a personal choice to do so, and for so many people it is the right choice. I know it was for me.

Anyway this is long and I just have a lot of feelings about this emotional journey. I still don’t like the Buckley parents, but I sure do love this journey and arc for Buck and Maddie.

[fmdmichelle]

♡ 𝐇𝐈, 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄 !!  first of all, i hope the new year has been treating everyone well ! on a personal level, it’s been a little chaotic for me ( despite thinking everything would be so magically different in my life after the blur that was november to january 🤣 ), but i’m hopeful i can get my act together to be a better, and more active, member of this space with all of you. having been in famed for so long, it makes me sad that i haven’t put in as much of an effort to write with everyone here as i should, and going forward, it’s a genuine goal of mine to try and turn things around, and i want to extend an apology to anyone i’ve ghosted, or haven’t replied to, or followed-up with in regards to plotting, etc. it’s never my intention to do so, and i hope that i can prove to all of you through actions that i want to be better about consistency in all things famed-related ! so, if you’ll have me, my first step is pouring more love into michelle ( with jake & rioh to follow, of course ) ! with that said, i’d adore to get some new threads going and more plots brewing, and below the cut will be more info if you’re interested ! ♡

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄,

in regards to plotting, i prefer to brainstorm specific ideas that suit the muses at play; i feel like i’m much better at that than coming up with open plot-lines to be viewed and taken. however, if you have any wanted connections or plots that you want filled for your muses, i’d be more than happy to look through them ! i love doing that, too, so don’t hesitate to let me know if you have stuff up for grabs. 🥰 oh, and i have a discord i can give out, too. i tend to prefer plotting there as it’s easier for me to keep track of, but i’m happy either way !

𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐋𝐘...

michelle is in a rather confused state at the moment. in doing more of a deep dive on her off-dash, i’ve come to discover that she’s at a huge crossroads with her career right now. while she’s appreciative of all that she’s been able to accomplish in korea as a pop act, the façade of having to be an idol is weighing heavily on her shoulders. having been in the game for over a decade now, she’s becoming really bored of the same ol’ same. in her heart of hearts, she wants to transition into being known as an independent singer-songwriter; a talent that’s somehow been hiding behind the veneer of lily’s “michelle” for all this time. however, that comes with its own complications because she’s signed yet another contract with bc entertainment that she’s riding out, and she’s trying to figure out the best way to go about making this vision she has come true without rocking the boat too much. slow and steady wins the race, as she says.

on a positive note, this conflicting time period ( as well as other more personal life events ) has given her a dramatic boost in creativity. now more than ever, she’s been at her piano writing so much music. her heart is so full of emotions and her mind is, like, overwhelmingly loaded with ideas that the only way to rid of some of that weight on her shoulders is to purge them through song. over the last few years, she’s been finding her own sound as an independent artist, and she feels as though she’s developed it a lot in ways that she’s really confident in. in fact, she’s submitted her own piece to be used for the fm202.3 march release. it’ll be this anthem, if anyone’s curious !

throughout the last maybe like, six-months-to-a-year, she’s realized that she’s become really self-isolated from people and she’s wanting to not be anymore. after a lengthy phone call home with her uncle, she’s feeling the push to get out more, and connect with friends, and make new friends, or kiss girls and guys, and just... have a little more fun. she’s definitely more the type that prioritizes work over anything else, and that’s often to her detriment, but she’s forcing herself to leave her home for more than just work obligations now. i also know there are plenty of people in the industry she either wants to reconnect with, or get to know more, so there’s openings for plot ideas !

she also would adore to collab creatively with someone right now omg ! like, she’s feeling so fueled with ideas and wants to like, share them with people she trusts, or even people that she looks up to in order to hear their thoughts, or to learn from them if they’re more seasoned in the solo realm. that, and as someone who always wants to learn and improve ( total virgo in that sense ), i think she’d even enjoy getting in touch with the other singers to nerd out about vocal pedagogy and music theory in general. she misses doing that with her vocal coach back home in hell’s kitchen.

while it’s not a totally formulated thought or idea yet, she’s sort of interested in doing some musical acting. mostly because it reminds her of new york and seeing broadway shows from the seats all the way in the back of the theatre that one of her uncle’s friends could snag her. a part of her thinks that being involved in a project like that would push her out of her comfort zone and re-inspire her in some ways, but she’s timid about it still. she wants to make sure she has the time and mental space to handle it before committing to a full run in a show. though, if she does want to go through with it, i’m thinking of giving her the role of roxie in the musical “chicago” as an option. 👀 it just... seems fitting and works.

𝐈𝐍 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍...

there’s so much more i could say, but i don’t wanna make this too obnoxiously long. if you’re down to brainstorm or plot something with me/michelle, please show me some love by liking this post or messaging me ! i’d love to hear from you, and i do promise to be on my shit ab replies to im’s. you’re all more than welcome to kick my ass if i slip, too. 😅

[mangodestroyer]

Just watched a video about deprogramming after a toxic relationship. One of the points brought up is how your identity can become so repressed and you need to work on finding yourself again.

And this hits close to home because I've dealt with horrid emotional abuse, from various people, pretty much my whole life. Thankfully, I've cut some of these people out of my life and went low contact with others, and have been learning of ways to deal with it. But damn, you really do feel like you don't know yourself when you've put up with enough of it!

You're just so used to being shamed for who you are and spend so much of your life learning to be more "acceptable" and less "offensive" to others, for years, until one day, you realize your efforts will NEVER be enough. And it can be hard to realize that if you grew up being treated this way. And when you do grow up like this and realize this horrible reality about your relatives, you're still NOT immune to falling for it again with whoever you meet as an adult. Because idk about anyone else who's gone through something like this, but I still had lots of insecurities and unhealthy thinking patterns when I entered the adult world, and ended up attracting predators like a magnet.

And about a year ago, I remember being such a mess after breaking up with my toxic ex. Hating myself so much, thinking I was nothing but trouble and the world would be better off without me, having almost no ability to enjoy things, etc. I just remember sitting there and wondering where I went so wrong, why I keep attracting people into my life who hurt me, and wondering who I really was as a person. It was the first time in my life I realized that I didn't actually know myself all that well. All I knew was that this anxious, dysfunctional individual isn't the real me.

And then over the past year, I went from feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, to suddenly just... not giving a fuck if others aren't pleased with me.

I'm still not so sure if I've really "found" myself, but I have noticed in the past couple months that I'm starting to get into things that have been lifelong dreams since childhood (but I'd either forgotten I wanted to do these things or dismissed them). And I'm starting to get back into old interests that started getting repressed with the unhealthy relationships I'd formed in adulthood. And it's starting to feel easier to just do these things. I suddenly just really want to get busy doing them. I've even started pursuing the polyglot dream I've always had since I was a very young child. I'll be taking courses in German very soon, as a start. I've been cooking Asian food because I love trying foods from other cultures. And I've also started planning out ways I can visit other countries.

I kind of forgot that I'm naturally a more adventurous individual. But... you would have never guessed if you'd seen me a year ago. Or three years ago. I'd become a bit of a shut in and didn't have much of a desire to actually try things. Not even fun things if others offered to pay. I just couldn't find it in me to enjoy myself. Nothing sounded appealing to me if it wasn't laying in bed and... existing. Even that was just not that appealing to me. Sometimes I'd get engaged with something, but there was always something missing. I either couldn't enjoy whatever I was doing fully or I wouldn't keep interest for very long.

I think the thing that kills me the most to think about was how when I last visited my friend, I didn't even enjoy doing so all that much. Even though I really care about her and always had fun visiting. And... it wasn't like there was anything bad happening during the visit. I just wanted to hide from everyone most of the time. I had almost no energy to do stuff. And visiting made me lose energy and interest for the things I'd been doing before because, for some reason, it was just so overwhelming.

This was three years ago, right after dealing with my first job and my first attempt at college. Looking back, I think it was trauma making me act like that. My roommate was a pos and I recently came to the realization that she may have been grooming me, on top of being horribly emotionally abusive. Thankfully I didn't end up letting her in too much, but I almost did end up letting her become more involved in my life. And I'm worried that would have led to much worse consequences. It's not just me either. People told me they were creeped out by her and the people she associates with. They TOLD me to stay away from them. I didn't take it that seriously for the longest time. Now I realize I may have avoided s*xual abuse. But I think the grooming attempt and emotional abuse still fucked with me, in ways I hadn't even realized at the time. It was the first time in my life I suddenly felt uncomfortable with my own sexuality. I think I may have felt violated but didn't realize that either. And again, I was left a mess after the whole thing. Lots of anxiety and mental fog.

Trauma sucks. It's a bitch to work through all this. But I'm happy to see that there finally seems to be some noticeable, lasting progress. I'd actually say I improved a lot over the past year. Still have some work to do though.

[arent-i-the-fairest]

Could i possibly request hcs of the dorm leaders (or you can do the rest of the 1st years if its too much) of their progression of their crush on the prefect? Also love seeing a new gn only blog! Keep doing what you do! 💗

𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 (𝟐)

author’s note : omg anon, i’m so sorry this took so long for me to finish!!! this ask is ancient— but waaaa~! tysm for the kind words, dear~~!! ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡

ace, deuce, and epel ver.

riddle rosehearts

initially, he was a bit wary of you; you’re friends with the two biggest troublemakers in his dorm, after all. but after seeing the three of you together one particular day, his interest in getting to know you more sparked. ace and deuce looking like they were about to get in some trouble, and you seemed to be trying to stop them— which confused him, because aren’t you a troublemaker too??

he comes to find you aren’t at all! and he’s ashamed in himself for making assumptions, because oh god, you’re so sweet?? fairly responsible (better than most of his dorm), funny, just all around likable!

soon enough, what he called a “small liking” to you quickly became a big big big crush as he got to know you even more~!

the sound of chatter took your attention away from the book you were reading. curious as to what the commotion was, you snuck over to the source of the sound— and lo and behold, it was riddle and a couple of students.

the same students you told earlier to brew and serve riddle black tea, when it was in fact supposed to be herbal tea. (not that you knew.)

“now, care to explain why you made the mistake you did?” riddle asked. “… cause the ramshackle prefect told us to—” “hmph! pinning the blame on them, are you?” riddle grumbled, raising his magic pen.

oh boy. emerging from your hiding place, you gave a little shout to grab their attention. “uhm— they’re in the right here. it was my fault.” you sheepishly admitted. “sorry, i should’ve read up on the rules.”

“they’re the ones in the dorm, they should have read up on the rules! in fact, they should have already known!” he argued. “there must still be punishment, i’m afraid.” you let out a sigh, giving the students an apologetic look. riddle’s expression softened for a moment, and you heard him mutter something.

“hm? did you say something, riddle?” “… i said ‘nevermind’. just don’t let this happen again.”

leona kingscholar

falling in love with you was a rollercoaster of emotions for him. at first, he found you annoying because it’s leona. of course he’s gonna find you irritating, just like he does with everyone else. but he realizes you’re… a pretty nice herbivore— still annoying though, don’t get him wrong!

but after spending lots of time with you (something he never knew he’d be okay with), it started the road to where he is now. one night, he’s laying in bed, tired. thinking about you. and suddenly, he’s wondering why lately he’s been finding you less annoying and more attractive. with that, he’s wide awake— has he?? fallen in love with a herbivore???

after being in some serious denial for like a week, trying to convince himself that no, he did not fall in love with you; he just huffs and accepts it. kind of. (he’s kind of mad about it.)

“the one time i’m willing to do some work, you aren’t?” leona huffed, tossing aside his pen and leaning back on his pillow. you took a moment to stop fanning yourself to glare at him.

“well, i’m sorry you chose for us to work in savanaclaw— one of the warmest places on campus! you know i don’t do well with heat!” you groaned, wiping sweat off your forehead. “i can hardly focus on anything other than the fact that i feel like i’m being roasted alive.”

“god, use your brain.” leona snickered. “there’s an obvious solution to your problem here. just take off your cloth—” he recoiled as he felt a slap on his face.

“.. i was just kidding.” he sighed, holding his now stinging cheek.

azul ashengrotto

ooh, you two kind of got off on the wrong foot— you didn’t really like him, as he did kinda-sorta scam some of your closest friends and take your dorm for a while. and was quite unapologetic about it.

things only started to change later when floyd tried making you two become friends; and wanting to appease floyd, you went along with it. it was looking unsuccessful at first— but surprisingly, things took a pleasant turn, and you actually got closer! he apologized for everything he did (though you couldn’t really tell if he was completely sorry) and you forgave him.

fast-forward a couple weeks in time, and your relationship has improved greatly. so greatly, he’s locked himself up in his office— face buried in his hands, heart beating quickly, and mind racing thinking about you.

“i can’t imagine how much of a wreck i look like right now.” azul sighed to himself, sitting up straight and looking at all the unfinished papers scattered across his desk. “look at me, allowing them to affect my work like this.”

if anyone ever told past-azul he’d be the lovesick type, he wouldn’t believe them. but here he is now. can anyone blame him though? everything about you is just so— gah, words can’t describe it! he could go on forever, but—

a loud knock nearly made him jump out of his seat. “hey boss! you’ve got someone interested in a contract~!” floyd shouted before running off. adjusting his coat, azul sighed. “i’ve got to get a grip.”

kalim al-asim

he developed a crush on you so fast! like, i’m talking caught and realized his feelings in just a week fast. but he did kinda spend almost every waking hour thinking about this (that’s not an exaggeration), so maybe that makes up for it. but let’s run through it!

day one— you meet, and it’s an instant friendship. day two. so much hanging out. he loves it! and you, but shh, he doesn’t realize that yet~! day three. more hanging out, but today, he’s curious why he feels so different around you than he does his other friends. day four. he consults his club-mates about his thoughts, and they suggest that he might have feelings for you. and he goes, “woahhh no way! that’s crazy, me ‘n them are just friends”

but right afterwards, on day five, he’s like “oh….. maybe they were onto something”— and he kept on getting distracted all day thinking about it. explains why he seemed so off that day. day six, he’s squealing because omg!!! he’s got a crush!! that’s so exciting!!!! and here comes day seven, where he’s officially labeled you as the love of his life.

“jamiiil! is one week too quick to decide you’re in love with someone?” kalim asked for, like, the fourth time on this day alone.

resisting the urge to groan, jamil just started sweeping the floor faster so that he could finish and get out of the room, then go and tend to other chores— alone. with no more repetitive questions from kalim.

“well, personally, i belie—” “yeah, it isn’t, right? that’s what i think too!” kalim grinned. “or.. maybe it has been too short of time to tell. gah, i don’t know!” he sighed, hitting his forehead against the table.

“lots of my friends have been telling me it is, but you know what, jamil?” dead silence from jamil. “i think they’re wrong. i trust my feelings! i can say with confidence that i’m in love with them!”

vil schoenheit

changing the pace from kalim— it took him forever to develop and realize his feelings for you. (vil prefers to really take his time with things like this!)

but it took you guys so long to even talk for the first time. you acknowledged each other before then, sure! he knew you, he’s seen you running around, and you knew him since he’s a dorm leader. and a model. and an actor. but neither of you ever really found the need to talk— there was no interest to.

but things changed once vdc came along. since vil was going to be staying in your dorm for a while, you found it fit to try and get along— and it was pretty rough. but hey, things got better, and you two had something going!

after a (long) while, he grew to quite like your company~ and you as a whole. it’s likely you’ll be getting a confession soon, now that he’s really thought his feelings through!

“done!” you grin, pushing aside all the brushes you used to apply vil’s makeup. you took a step back and looked at the finished product— only to realize it was not your best work. yikes.

“this better look good, dear. i won’t be very pleased if my products went to waste.” he tsked, grabbing his handheld mirror. you held your breath as you watched him look at himself from different angles, his face scrunching up.

“seems you didn’t apply the foundation evenly— and the way you blended the eyeshadow looks rather… muddy. didn’t i also tell you not to use too much blush?” vil huffed as he grabbed some makeup remover wipes.

“i’ll wash this off and we’ll start again. this time, i’ll guide you on each step. and by the way, i’d prefer for you to stand a little closer to me.” “w-wha—?” “if you do, you’ll be able to see what you’re doing better.”

idia shroud

he wasn’t expecting for azul to introduce him to you, the board game club’s newest member— and he definitely wasn’t expecting to develop a crush on you.

truthfully, you irritated him at first. you always went out of your way to talk to him, even thought you know he’s an awkward introvert— how cruel can you be? the conversations were always extremely one sided and he would be begging for you to take a hint in his head. but for some reason, he felt like you were growing on him.

when he finally became more comfortable, he started engaging in your conversations more. that was when things really hit off. he was excited to see you actually showing interest in the things he liked, and he enjoyed learning more about you— soon; he even started inviting you over to his room. (which by the way, that? that is like, the biggest sign you can get from him that he likes you.)

“you really haven’t seen this anime yet?” you shook your head and he started giggling to himself. “hehehee! nor~mieee.” he mocked, pointing a finger at you.

“idia, that anime is super obscure— you’re probably the only one who’s seen it!” “ahem, me and ortho.” he corrected. “but we can make it 3 people who’ve watched it.” he said, clicking on the show. “only 1 season, 12 episodes long. wanna binge watch it?”

“… it’s almost midnight, by the time we’re done, it’s gonna be about 5 in the morning.”

“and?” he smirked and you shook your head, finally giving in. “sometimes i wonder if you care about academics at all.” you sighed, scooting up beside him. “alright, i’ll watch it with you.”

malleus draconia

similar to canon, he found himself interested in you when you showed no fear whatsoever towards him. it’s strange enough to him you have no clue who he is, but know him or not, he usually has people cowering before him with his aura alone.

but a friendship formed, and he started caught feelings very early. and man, was it intense! it all just hit him at once— but those feelings strengthened when you happened to find out he wasn’t this normal “tsunotarou” (or hornton, as twst en would say) guy but malleus draconia. and you weren’t scared— in fact, you didn’t care at all!! he was ecstatic!!

he treasures his relationship with you so greatly, he’s so happy that there’s someone who treats him like… just a regular guy, which sounds strange— what i mean is that you don’t fear him or put him on this crazy high pedestal. you two just hang out and vibe with his tamagotchi (gaogao drakon <33) like pals (sooner or later, lovers) do.

you blew at your cup of steaming hot tea, trying your best to ignore malleus’ staring. he seemed deep in thought, and while you felt bad for breaking his train of thought, you couldn’t bear another second of this uncomfortable silence.

“you, ah, seem like you have something on your mind. do you wanna talk about it?” you asked, snapping him out of his trance.

he gave you a soft smile. “it’s nothing to worry about. i was just thinking of our friendship.” surprised, your grip on your teacups handle loosened a bit, making you spill some of the drink on the table.

“oh— sorry, sorry!” you gasped, grabbing some napkins. “you just caught me by surprise. i never took you as the sentimental type, mal!” but when you looked up at him, he was already off deep in thought once again.

[rin-itoshi]

mc’s departure | obey me

summary: how the brothers would react to MC returning to the human world after a year in the devildom

contains: fluff , angst , ?!!!!&;@;&:idk

♯ LUCIFER

he’s the one to see you off, reminding you of the many things he had taught you so that you’d never forget.

his pride is much too large to admit that he will miss you to death and that he loves you dearly.

after you’re gone, he’s gone for hours at a time, holed up in his room with as much as work as he can take on.

he overworks himself with the intention of getting rid of the heavy emotion on his heart.

everything reminds you of him, even the paper clip on his desk that you had once found under his bed.

he gets easily irritable, feeling rather empty now that you’ve gone and left him alone in this now quiet house.

barely leaves his room, only works.

never cries but gets quite emotional when he finds a belonging you left behind.

♯ MAMMON

he cried every single night up until your departure but never showed you that side of him once

after you left, he cried non-stop, not caring if he looked like a cry baby in front of his brother’s who watched him with pitiful eyes.

once his eyes dried up, he soon never returned home as he partied all day and night.

he forced himself to attend parties after parties in order to forget about you.

it never works because everything reminds him of you.

sometimes he sits in his car and just stares into space, wondering what you’re doing now that you’re back on earth.

literally cannot stand the mention of you or your name or he may break down.

pretends to be okay but can’t go a day without getting upset about your absence.

money soon becomes pointless when he realizes no amount of cash will bring you back to the house of lamentation.

♯ LEVIATHAN

curled up in his bath tub and cried himself to sleep.

stopped leaving his room in general, continuously playing games all day and night.

couldn’t look at his ruri-chan figures because they somehow reminded him of you and how much you used to admire them with him.

every inch of his room has your touch on it and it makes his heart ache painfully.

struggles to attend online school but manages to make it through the day by zoning out in class.

claims he doesn’t care about a normie like you but genuinely misses you

sends you messages, forgetting you can no longer contact him without your D.D.D

writes about how much he misses you on his blog fully aware you’ll never see it.

♯ SATAN

reading. that’s all he does.

he hides in his room and reads every single book he has stacked up along his room, even rereading them if he finished everything.

uses books to get his mind off of you—or more so the lack of you.

will sometimes get excited about a stray cat he sees but stops himself when he realizes he can’t tell you because you aren’t here.

gets angry. a lot.

the smallest things set him off and he can longer feign a smile when he hears your name or anything related to you.

he misses you so much that he wants to tear out his hair and rip apart all these book page by page.

his room is in shambles and he can’t seem to think straight anymore.

♯ ASMODEUS

loses his interest in everything.

forgets his skin care routine and lets himself go without caring about it.

forces himself to go to parties and tries to sleep with someone to feel better but when it fails, he stops sleeping around in general.

like mammon, he doesn’t come home often to avoid seeing the house he had lived in with you happily.

cannot forget about you no matter what he does, and that frustrates him the most.

wishes he had done something to stop you or at least slept beside you one last time.

neglects himself for a while.

♯ BEELZEBUB

poor bby isn’t hungry for once.

can’t seem to eat now that you’re not sitting beside him, giggling about something he had said.

spends a lot of his time doing weight training and exercising to get his mind off of you.

misses all the meals you used to make on the nights you were in charge of cooking.

sometimes forgets you’re not around whenever he’s about to go downstairs to eat dinner.

clings to belphie in hopes to fill the gap in his heart.

accidentally broke down your room door in an angry fit when your absence finally set in.

♯ BELPHEGOR

either he sleeps even more or somehow gets less sleep.

no matter what, he feels sluggish and blank.

locks himself in the attic, almost as if he was never released in the first place.

even though he hated humans, your absence affected him the most after he had grown to love you as a human.

nearly went demon mode on diavolo when he found out that you were being sent back to the human world.

partially wishes he never met you but cherishes his memories with you too much to ever wish for that wholeheartedly.

sleeps in your bed often to hold onto your lingering scent that was fading quickly.

complains to beel that you were nothing but a stupid human who turns their backs on demons like them, but he never means anything he says.

“Why is it so quiet in here?” Diavolo asks as he opens the front door of the House of Lamentation with Barbatos at his side. The man’s golden eyes scanned the entry hall, noticing how it was so eerily dark and quiet that it almost felt like something out of a horror movie. It felt like no one had lived here in over two thousand years. “Hello?”

Upon receiving message from Diavolo, everyone had exited their rooms for the first time in a while, looking like they were dragged through the mud. The state they were in made Diavolo jump with surprise, shocked to find that even Lucifer looked like he was ill. “What happened to you guys?!”

“What is it that you need, Lord Diavolo?” Lucifer asked as he ran a hand through his hair to compose himself a bit in front of the red haired man. “If is nothing important, may I kindly ask you to leave and return another time?”

Diavolo sighed, shaking his head lightly as he crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t know what’s up with you guys, but I brought everyone’s favorite person along with me so sing your praises now!”

Mammon huffed, “If ya’ talking about that butler of yours, ain’t nobody care right now! We got bigger things to worry about!”

Barbatos simply smiled, taking no offense to the sly insult thrown his way.

Diavolo cocked a brow in confusion. “What? Of course not! It’s-“

The person stepped out from behind Diavolo, catching the attention of every single male in the room. The seven brother’s choked, staring at the one person they had longed for these past few days.

“[y/n]!” They shouted in unison, practically flying down the stairs to get to you. Mammon was the first to reach you, wrapping his arms around your entire body as he tackled you to the floor. The other brother’s climbed on top of you two, hugging you so tightly that you feared this would be where you’d die. “You’re back!”

Diavolo chuckled boisterously. “This is amusing! You lot are acting like you didn’t know they’d return today!” His laugh came to an abrupt stop when he saw the flat expressions coming from each and every brother. “Oh- Did I not inform you?”

“Obviously you didn’t.” Belphegor scoffed with a roll of the eyes, burying his face in the crook of your neck to inhale your scent. “[y/n]...”

“Ya can’t ever leave again! I’ll seriously get angry at ya if this happens again! Ya either go to the human world with me or ya don’t go at all!” Mammon snapped, cupping your cheeks while getting dangerously close to your face to yell at you.

“I’ll severely punish you if you ever leave this manor without giving me a heads up as to where you’re off to. You’re not just an exchange student anymore. You’re special.” Lucifer explained, a panicked glint in his tired eyes as he reached out to pat your head gently with his gloved hand.

Satan sighed, pressing his forehead against your back. “If you leave again, I don’t know if I’ll be able to control my emotions, so don’t leave.”

The avatar of lust whined loudly, “my beautiful self can’t handle a life without you! Don’t ever go anywhere without me again!” He clutched onto her waist tightly.

“Don’t... Don’t go anywhere.” Leviathan said with a sad frown on his lips as he held your hand, bringing it up to rest against his cheek. “It’s so empty without you.”

“Let’s eat dinner together, [y/n].” Beel suggested, his voice full of emotions as he drooled at the thought of dinner with you.

A million emotions ran through your veins as you sat there, basking in the warmth of their touch. It was overwhelming to receive so much love all at once but it was amazing.

A smile slowly crept onto your lips as you leaned into their touch, enjoying the way they clung to you as if you’d disappear any moment now. “I missed you guys, too.”

“What a lovely reunion!” Diavolo exclaimed happily, snapping a view blurry photos on his D.D.D to send to the group chat later.

After the heartfelt moment, they quickly disappeared upstairs to fix up their appearance before rushing downstairs to the kitchen where you stood. They clung to you like bugs to a light, hounding you about your sudden departure, only to find out that you had gone up there with Diavolo and Barbatos to help the man experience human world activities he had never gotten to try before. Diavolo was sure he had told them that but seeing as they were genuinely distressed, he assumed the message never reached.

Even though they were beyond pissed with Diavolo and his carelessness, they were just glad you were back. Them being here with you really was their idea of a perfect life.

a/n: UH YEA K GOODNIGHT

[erwinsvow]

𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬 | 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐧

author's note: sorry i just cannot stop writing headcanons! it's my favorite thing to write. i really hope everyone enjoys these, they include things from these two works of mine as well :) -shea

𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐢𝐧

very much the involved boyfriend

once you guys finally start dating, he just immediately wants you guys to merge lives and share friends, even though that’s not a simple process

but it’s really because he cares about you so deeply he doesn’t want there to be a part of his life that you’re just not involved in

therefore; very involved

you guys manage your schedules together and plan out dinners and dates in advance

he mostly really likes having something to look forward too, like time with you

the kind of boyfriend that remembers little stuff you say here and there

like if you mention your mom’s birthday is coming up, he’ll ask later what you’re getting her and suggest some ideas. probably would send your mom flowers too to earn brownie points

or if you have a stressful week with exams and papers, he’ll stop by randomly with coffee and a snack and a hug

i honestly don’t see jean as the kind of boyfriend to start/carry on a fight, because he would hate knowing that you two are upset with each other. so i think any fights would be resolved pretty quickly

if one did happen to go over night or last a few days, he would definitely apologize first and bring you flowers, even if you were the one who started it

honestly though, with a guy like jean, what is there to fight about

overall, just a super caring boyfriend that makes the little stuff the memorable stuff

𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐭

the! best! boyfriend! ever!

i see armin as the ideal caring boyfriend

he just really likes to have someone to take care of, and he is also really touched that someone trusts him enough to ensure their heart to him

so he takes every measure to make sure he’s being the best partner he can be

a lot of emotional sharing, and i feel like would happen pretty early on as well

only because he is so trustworthy and you know you can tell him everything on your mind, even stuff that you maybe haven’t told anyone else

this just makes your relationship progress even further. you two are the couple that has been dating for a month but knows they are going to be together for a long time

speaking of, you are the mom and the dad of the friend group, which is so adorable but calls for a lot of teasing from your friends

but armin knows he’s going to marry you one day, so he just laughs when eren cracks another joke about it

𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐧

i’ll be real, this relationship is definitely not the easiest

reiner definitely loves you, don’t get me wrong, but a big part of him probably thinks he doesn’t deserve someone like you to care about him

which isn’t easy in a relationship because i feel like he would try and distance himself from getting too attached in the beginning

maybe he just thinks you’re going to see through him and realize you don’t want this anymore (which is not true at all, but just his intrusive thoughts)

i think you would try to reassure him about your feelings and how much you want this relationship, but then he feels like you shouldn’t have to reassure him, and that you shouldn’t be in the kind of relationship where you have to reassure the person. basically he thinks you deserve someone better, and you know that there is no one better for you

eventually i think this reaches a breaking point. through a lot of angst and honesty and tears, you two finally work it out

i think after clearing things up, things take a huge turn for the better

he definitely learns that there’s nothing wrong with being a relationship where you have to take care of each other, and he’s definitely thankful that you continued to stand by him

so sorry about this angst, but on the bright side, this man would be such a devoted boyfriend

his friends definitely make fun of him for looking at you like you hung the stars and moon in the sky

i also think all this angst would lead to you two being really open and vulnerable with each other, which is really important to him

also definitely a mama’s boy and can’t wait to introduce you to her

just like armin, he knows you’re gonna be his wife someday

𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐫

even though i think it would take eren a long time to settle down and commit to a healthy, long-term relationship, once he does, he would be a great boyfriend

he is a really caring guy, and i feel like part of his hesitance is about opening up to someone if they’re just gonna leave

but i think he can tell early on that this would be different

i have a feeling his love language is quality time, and so you two are always planning little things together

he especially loves last-minute, impromptu dates that arise from a random thought

like he’ll grab two sandwiches and take you to the beach at sunset, even if you just got home or had something to get done

or knock on your door at midnight and take you to the nearest roof to stargaze together

i feel like eren is the boyfriend who becomes your closest friend over time

you guys go to each other first when you need to rant or talk or babble endlessly

it’s an interesting dynamic but it works well for you guys

the kind of bf that people assume he’s a single bachelor and will stay that way forever, or people don’t believe that he’s settled down, and then when they see you two together they’re shocked

𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐨 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐭

you and marco have the most wholesome relationship

if i had to picture anyone whose relationship feels like the honeymoon phase even after a whole year, it is marco

he has a habit of making every small date, every meeting or interaction just feel so special, like every day is a special occasion

the kind of boyfriend who gets you a promise ring early on with every intention of replacing it with an engagement ring and wedding band one day

a big moment for him is introducing you to his friends! he knows they’ll love you, and he just wants you to meet the other most important people in his life

especially you and jean, this boy would be on cloud nine seeing you two get along so well. makes him super happy and teary-eyed

the responsible bf who takes care of everything for you, even little, everyday things so you don’t have to worry about it

like making sure there’s a cup of water on the nightstand when you go to bed, or setting an extra alarm to make sure you don’t oversleep, or reminding you about a deadline

overall just <3 boyfriend marco

𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧

the nonchalant, cool boyfriend who has to hide how sappy he actually is

pretends like he’s not nervous as all hell on your first date. acts like you leaning into him on the walk back home, or kissing his cheek at your doorstep before you say good night isn’t giving him heart palpitations.

also majorly touch-starved. after you two really open up to each other, which happens way sooner than he expected, it’s hard for him to keep his hands away from you.

he’s reserved in public, a simple arm around you waist or hands interlaced while you guys are out

but when you’re in the privacy of your home, it’s almost instinctual for him to pull you close

he loves when you lay your head on his chest, but nothing compares to when you let him lay his head on yours.

you stroke his hair and sit in silence, appreciating the quiet mumble of the television and the sound of each other breathing

always falls asleep like this, and he’s never been much of a nap guy, but ever since he met you, he’s reformed

not to mention your skin is always so warm and soft, and his is always on the colder side, so he’s just drawn to you

also i see him as the kind of guy who proposes out of nowhere, like you aren’t expecting it at all after a quiet dinner together at home, you’re getting up to grab dessert and he pulls out a ring

“how about dessert and naps for as long as we both shall live?”

𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐨 𝐠𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐝

once again, pock tries to put on a tough facade but we all know he’s just a softie on the inside

in fact, it’s a little while into your relationship that you notice him softening up with you, trying less hard to seem like someone else and getting more comfortable around you

you definitely don’t mention it, because you don’t want him to realize how you’ve been noticing it lately, but it definitely makes your chest feel warm and fuzzy at the thought of him being more himself

it’s not long at all before you can’t even see any semblance of that tough guy you met for the first time

the kind of whipped boyfriend that carries your bags when you go shopping, grabs your coffee order on the way to visit you, and likes to have quiet nights in more than going out

your favorite memories with him include watching rom-coms and munching on popcorn in his apartment, everyone else out and about on a saturday night

the leftover pizza is sitting on the counter, and you turn to go put it away when you notice pock teary-eyed at the movie!

yes, this boy cries at sappy romantic movies and you regret ever putting on the notebook that one night because you wanted to get laid after and that just did not happen because he was crying too much

but also just treats you so right and has every intention of being the best boyfriend he can, doesn’t ever want to do anything to hurt you and is highkey very glad he met you and has someone to be so open and comfortable with!

𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫

can you spell boyfriend material.

the most comforting, wholesome boyfriend in the world. you actually can’t believe he’s single when you guys meet for the first time, because there’s just no way.

this is the take him home to meet your parents guy, introduce him to your friends right away guy because you know it’s serious

i talked about how bertholdt is the bf who just listens to your talks and rambles for as long as you need to, and always offers advice and sweet words, but he really does take it to the next level

lets you cry it out when you need to, rubbing your back and hair softly and not minding when his shirt is covered in tears

or alternatively lets you rant about your annoying professor or a terribly rude stranger or whatever else is plaguing your mind today

texts you every day asking how you’re doing, always calls you before bed if you guys aren’t together

he just has the ability to make you feel so heard and seen

and of course you never forget to take care of him, as well. it makes for a really comfortable dynamic.

very easy to imagine spending the rest of your life with him despite the fact that he has kicked you off the bed multiple times in his sleep

𝐞𝐫𝐰𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐡

alternatively, husband material

takes all of five minutes into having a conversation with him to realize this is a responsible, mature guy

which are usually far and few between

i’d like to think he’s similar to marco in the way that he likes to make sure things are taken care for you, he likes to get things off of your shoulders even though you feel like you should be doing it for him instead

this translates to a lot of checking in phone calls, making sure you’ve eaten dinner and haven’t skipped meals because of your busy schedule

always makes time for you and especially loves having date nights every saturday, it’s wonderful when you haven’t been able to see him all week

anyways, you get engaged and married so fast bc you just had to snatch him up