#After this Saint probably tried to run away and instantly ran into something

[mushroominaforest]

Arti: So why do you always wear stuff on your head anyways?

Saint: I, uh… have this….

Saint: Scar! O-On my forehead. That I’m embarrassed of. 

Arti (messing with them): What’s wrong with scars?

Saint: No no I didn’t mean it like that! Your face looks great! You’re so beautiful!

Arti: You think I’m beautiful? 

[floralseokjin]

⤑ made-up love song drabbles

Seokjin’s chapter ix 

kim seokjin x reader warnings; angst, this feels pretty heavy at certain points but gets lighter as you go on, there’s a therapy session included, and just a lot of introspection  words; 7,459

author’s note; this kind of ran away with me, wasn’t expecting it to be so long haha but I hope you enjoy! 

Read the original chapter ix here 

↪︎ read the series here / and drabbles here

After you left Seokjin immediately poured the rest of his whisky down the sink and rinsed his glass. His mind was whirring, head heavy and starting to throb. He swallowed two painkillers down with some water and took a deep breath. He felt like crying. It felt like everything was crumbling around him. All his recent happiness, all his progress, and now possibly it seemed, his relationship with you… 

He’d wanted nothing more than to beg you to stay, and he had to an extent, but he knew it wasn’t right. He closed his eyes, not quite believing you’d witnessed all that. You probably thought he was a monster. He hadn’t lost his temper quite like that in a while, not since before the divorce… Embarrassment washed over him, yet he couldn’t stop himself from still being mad at Nana. He knew what you said made sense. He knew he’d been out of line but Nana continuously goaded him. She’d done so throughout their marriage. But he was no saint, he knew how to provoke her too. It’s what they did best. 

He moved away from the sink and tried to quash his anger, instead thinking of you and how much he had hurt and upset you. He hadn’t meant for it to get that bad, and he knew deep down that the reason he was so angry was because he’d brought it all on himself. He caused the incident by keeping his relationship with you secret. It hadn’t been on purpose, he wasn’t being vindictive, if anyone would believe him. He just… He had been selfish. He didn’t want to ruin anything because he was finally really happy after god knows how long. It was stupid in hindsight, but what was done was done now. 

He reached for Arin’s mug of hot chocolate and fresh waves of guilt and emotion hit him. She didn’t deserve any of this. He needed to be there for her, to push his own troubles away and put on a brave face because none of this was her fault. She needed to know that. Thankfully, the drink hadn’t grown cold yet, and he finished it off with some cream and mini marshmallows. He took one last deep breath and made his way down the hallway. Moping was no good for him. That’s what Chaewon always said. 

Arin looked happy to see him, instantly reaching out to him as he took a seat next to her. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and hugged her close, kissing the top of her head. He immediately felt lighter with relief. His daughter had always been his magical cure, and even though a cuddle wouldn’t make everything in his life right again, it certainly helped, and was very much needed. She asked where you were at one point, and unsure what to say, and feeling like shit for lying, he quickly said you needed to be somewhere. Arin probably didn’t buy it, looking dubious as a result of today, bus she didn’t say anything, asking instead if they could watch a movie. 

She wasn’t very talkative, and he didn’t blame her. Neither was he. He spent most of Shrek the Third lost in his own thoughts. As his anger slowly drifted away, shame replaced it. He’d been absolutely awful today and even if some of the things he’d said to Nana came from a valid place of concern, most were shouted for no reason other than frustration and hatred on his part. He was ashamed of himself. 

After the movie finished, Arin complained she was feeling hungry, so he left her to pick a new movie while he found something to cook up for dinner. He caught sight of the bowl of salad and his heart sunk, remembering the picnic outside. There was no salvaging it now, everything had probably spoiled in the sun, and as he waited for Arin’s dinner to cook, he went outside with a garbage bag, throwing away all the food you’d painstakingly prepared. It felt like he was throwing your relationship in the trash. He didn’t eat with that thought in mind, managing one piece of toast before it turned on him. 

At around 6pm his phone started to ring, vibrating in his front pocket and giving him a shock. For a split second he prayed it was you, but he knew he was being foolish. You needed time and if he was being honest with himself, so did he. He needed to concentrate on Arin tonight, as much as he…loved…you, his daughter’s wellbeing was the most important thing. If he could just make sure Arin was okay, then tomorrow he could concentrate on you and him. 

Pulling out the device he saw it was Nana. He suddenly felt very, very sick but picked up with a cautious hello. He was almost 100% sure she wanted to speak with Arin, the only way she could seeing as Arin was too young to have a phone of her own, but he was still wary, not wanting a repeat of earlier. 

“I want to speak to my daughter.” There was anger to her tone, and he knew her well enough to understand she had her guard up right now. She’d left his place upset and emotional, and that was two of the things she hated people seeing. Especially him. She hated being vulnerable. 

Seokjin sighed weakly. “Nana, come on, don’t be like that.” He hesitated, wanting to say sorry for today but the word wouldn’t come. Despite the guilt setting in, he was still pretty angry and frustrated himself. 

“I want to speak with Arin,” she repeated. “Will you let me?”

“Of course I will,” he replied. What did she take him for? 

He turned to Arin, ready to tell her it was her mom on the phone, but she was already waiting, her ears probably catching Nana’s name a few seconds previous. He smiled gently at her and passed his cell phone over. He tried to concentrate on the television as they spoke, not wanting to eavesdrop. Arin was uncharacteristically quiet as she hummed along to whatever Nana was saying, the occasional okay and I know slipping from her lips as she curled a lock of hair around her finger over and over again, but he understood why. Today had been overwhelming for everyone involved but especially her. She hadn’t seen or heard them argue in a long time, both he and Nana careful to hide them from her as of late. Today had been an awful mistake and the now a stronger wave of guilt was eating him up. 

After a few minutes he heard Arin tell her mother she loved her and then she hung up, returning the phone to Seokjin. He stretched over and placed the device on the coffee table, turning back to his daughter apologetically.   “I’m sorry about today, Arin.” 

She immediately flung herself into his arms, wrapping hers around his sides to hug him tight. He squeezed her right back, running his fingers through her hair gently. “Daddy was really angry, I shouldn’t have shouted.” 

“Mommy shouted too,” she reminded him. “She was angry that I called Y/N my stepmom.” Hesitantly she looked up at him, her eyes wide with worry. “I didn’t know it was wrong.” 

Seokjin sighed gently, trying to see things from Nana’s point of view. “It’s not a wrong word. It’s just a word that hurt your mother’s feelings.”  Arin looked a little confused by that explanation, and suddenly Seokjin felt the urge to be as honest as he could with her. She was still young, yes, but she wasn’t stupid. Far from it actually. She deserved not to be kept in the dark. 

“She… she didn’t know that Y/N is my girlfriend.” 

“Why?”

“I was wrong and didn’t tell her.”

Arin stayed silent as she mulled his words over. After a few moments she simply said, “I didn’t know that.” 

Seokjin ran a hand down her back, choosing his next words carefully. “Will you tell me what happened today? How mommy found out?”

Arin wriggled away from him to get comfier, sitting back against the sofa again. Seokjin copied, lifting his arm up so she could cuddle up to him. “She asked if I had a new bracelet and I told her Y/N had bought it for me last weekend when I stayed with her.” 

Looking down at her wrist now, Seokjin saw no bracelet and he guessed Arin had taken it off in a bid not to hurt her mom even more. She was such a sweet child, always thinking of other people’s feelings. 

“Mommy asked who she was and I said she was my stepmom – only because Suzie told me that’s what she is. Suzie has one too and it was fun because then we both had stepmoms.” 

Seokjin nodded along in understanding. “It’s okay, it was only a misunderstanding. But to use that word it needs to be discussed first, okay?” 

It was Arin’s turn to nod and Seokjin continued carefully. He was well aware everything was up in the air now so it hurt hearing the words that came out of his own month. “Right now Y/N is just Y/N. Before we use that word we have to make sure she likes it, alright? And mommy too.” 

“I didn’t know.” 

“I know you didn’t,” he comforted, giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. He wasn’t even too sure she knew what exactly the word meant. 

They both stayed silent for a little while before Arin spoke again. “You and mommy haven’t argued for a long time until today…because I said that word…”

“Hey,” Seokjin exclaimed softly wanting her to look his way. “We didn’t argue because of you. None of this is your fault, okay? It’s my fault and I’m really sorry.” 

She gave him a small smile and patted his head. “It’s okay, daddy. I still love you.” 

He couldn’t help but chuckle slightly. He could always count on his daughter to cheer him up. “Thank you, Arin.” He kissed her cheek. “I love you too. Very much.” 

The new week started off badly. He had been foolish to think Mondays were something of a fresh start, foolish to think calling you first thing in the morning was a good idea, and as you told him you needed some space and that you’d call him once the week was over he couldn’t help but think the worst. You’d insisted that you weren’t mad at him, and you had no reason to lie to him, but there was no doubt you were upset… overwhelmed. That morning he’d woken up even more ashamed of the way he’d acted the day before, wincing as he remembered the way he’d lost his temper. He’d sworn that he would never let that side of himself appear ever again, but it was easier said than done. Nana had struck a nerve with the way she had spoken to you and it had been impossible to keep his cool. 

He felt deeply ashamed when he thought about how confused you must have felt watching he and his ex-wife hurl abuse at each other. Deeply ashamed when he thought about the way you’d found out things he had never told you… You were hurt he’d never let you know what triggered his divorce, and he understood why completely. It wasn’t like it hadn’t crossed his mind to share such a personal detail with you, it had, of course it had, he just couldn’t bring himself to say the words. Your experience with infidelity was the complete opposite of his. You had your heart torn to pieces by your ex-fiancé and he had his ego bruised… His marriage with Nana had already been completely over, he just didn’t have the guts to get out. She was correct, he was a coward through and through. 

But most of all he was deeply ashamed of his behaviour entirely. He had never meant to compare the both of you. He had never meant to use you to hurt Nana. It was extremely petty, such a low blow, and he didn’t know where it had come from. Rage had washed over him and he’d spat words that he couldn’t take back. It was the worst thing he’d ever done in his entire life, and despite the grievances he had with Nana, he regretted those words deeply. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her like that. It was shameful, and he felt horrendous for hurting both women with his foolish behaviour. 

Was there a happy ending after this? If Nana didn’t already hate him, she did now, and you were probably not too far behind. You’d seen him at his most poisonous, heard him use you to prove a point, found out things he’d kept from you, and learned he’d kept you a secret from his ex-wife. How embarrassed you must have felt… How confused… He’d made so many mistakes along the way, it was a wonder they hadn’t caught up with him sooner… 

He wouldn’t be able to bear it if you wound up hating him. Not when he loved you so much. He hadn’t even had a chance to confess yet, coming so close to it Saturday night but backing out because he was scared it was too soon. He’d made the decision there and then to tell you once he took you to Paris, getting swept away with the idea and the romance of it all, but now the regret for not professing his love that night was like a lead weight inside his chest. Would it have changed anything? Would yesterday have had a different outcome? 

And while he was regretting things, he regretted not letting Nana know about the relationship. Yesterday could have been avoided completely – maybe. 

The more he thought, the worse it got and by Tuesday he could feel himself spiralling. He knew the feeling all too well. Soobin had already worked out something was the matter. (His lack of morning shave a dead giveaway.) And that meant he was doing a terrible job at hiding his mood. He couldn’t have Arin sensing the same. She obviously hadn’t forgotten about the weekend and wouldn’t anytime soon, but he couldn’t make it worse for her. He needed to be there for her, as her father, not too busy distracted with his own misery. It was selfish. 

But he couldn’t suppress it all. He knew that was unhealthy. So, Tuesday night, once Arin was tucked up in bed sound asleep, he called the one person his former happiness had been neglecting for months now… 

“Seokjin,” Chaewon greeted, her warm voice laced with surprise. “Long time no speak.” 

He felt guilt immediately wash over him. “Yeah… I’m sorry about that.” It was stupid really, she wasn’t taking it personally, he could guarantee that, but nevertheless it was an emotion he was all too familiar with these days. 

Chaewon chuckled. “Don’t apologise for being happy and not needing me.” 

His heart twisted. 

She sensed his trouble. “Jin?”

He hesitated, looking down at the bottle of whisky sat at his desk. He was in his home office. “Something happened.” 

There was silence as his therapist processed his vague words before she pressed him gently, “Oh?” 

He took a breath. “Are you free to talk?” 

“Yes, of course.” 

“I’m sorry for calling you out of hours.” He apologised. “Don’t feel bad about billing me for this. I’ll even pay double.” 

“Seokjin, don’t be silly,” she told him softly.  “Let’s name this a friendship call. Now, what’s wrong?” She sensed the last bit of reluctance he was holding onto. “Come on, you can tell me anything.” 

He sighed. “I don’t know where to start.” 

“How about from the beginning?”

They spoke for an hour in the end, Chaewon listening attentively as he explained the weekend’s events. He left nothing out, or least what he could remember. He made no attempt to hide his wrongdoings or soften the story. He didn’t want to. He knew he had done wrong. She was sympathetic, but she didn’t mince her words when it came to her disappoint in him. 

After the argument he and Nana had gotten into just before Arin had moved in with him, he had worked hard with Chaewon to find a way to curb the anger he often felt when he and his ex-wife communicated. He thought he had been successful, but now he realised all he’d done was find ways to avoid it. He barely spoke to Nana unless he had to, a hello barely exchanged when she called in the evenings to speak to their daughter. A text shared to confirm when Arin would get picked up for the weekend, or one shared to cancel visits… He saw her even less. Jia, Nana’s PA and closest friend was the one who collected their daughter, and he knew it was because his ex-wife wanted to avoid him just as much. 

In the long term they had just been making things worse. That’s why last Sunday had been so bad. A build-up of every single frustration felt since the last time they’d seen one another, because no doubt Nana had her own list. It was a recipe for disaster. 

It felt good to confide in someone though, someone who knew him very well on a professional and personal level. Chaewon was amazing at putting him in his place so kindly. It was a gift really, and he appreciated it immensely. The older woman saw his negative traits but never judged him. She understood them and tried her best to help him with them. He guessed that was her job, but she did it so well it was hard not to see her as some sort of friend. 

That’s why when she asked to see him in person tomorrow he didn’t hesitate to free up his schedule. Truth was, he wanted it too. His mind was still clouded and he needed her insight. Her advice. He wanted a good night sleep too but he didn’t think that would be possible any time soon, no matter how much Chaewon tried to help him. Not when his sheets continued to smell like you…   

.

.

“It’s about time you both let go of the past.” 

Seokjin let Chaewon’s words sink in as he sat opposite her, nervously chewing on a nail. It wasn’t a habit of his, but it was somewhat of a distraction right now. A comfort. They should have let go of the past a long time ago. Maybe then they would have divorced sooner. Maybe then there would be less resentment…. 

“Arin is the one thing you have in common and you need to work together in order to be the best possible parents you can.” 

That cut his heart deep, a twinge similar to what he’d felt all week. Ever since you left. “I know,” he replied quietly. “It’s just…”

He couldn’t continue. Despite how he’d insinuated Nana was a bad mother, he didn’t think that deep down. They both loved their daughter equally, but that love was separate. It had been separate practically since she was born. Arin was missing their combined love, although she knew no different… 

“You need to let go of all that bitterness and resentment.” Chaewon continued. Words she had said fairly regularly for the last two years or so. “For your sake, for Arin’s…” But now there was a new addition. “…and Y/N’s.” 

Seokjin snorted. “Who said I haven’t scared her away already?”

Chaewon stare turned a little stern. “It was a shock to the system, anyone would need some time to process what happened.” When he stayed silent, she continued. “You have to make her see you’re trying your best to change things. You need to take responsibility for your actions.” 

“I will.” 

He wanted nothing more than to apologise profusely and answer any questions you had, but you’d requested time first and he was listening. He was just scared that time would work against him. He continued on, ignoring his deepest, darkest worry. 

“It’s not fair on her. She should never have witnessed all that, and it just drums in how unfair this has been to Arin her whole life.” Arin had been the witness to many an argument when he and Nana were still married. “I hurt the people closet to me because of my careless actions,” he concluded with a sad smile. Time after time. 

“And it’s not too late to change that,” Chaewon reminded. “Put a stop to all this nonsense.” 

Seokjin’s smile grew for a millisecond, feeling like a child getting told off. 

“Your marriage with Nana didn’t work out, that’s life. But you have a beautiful little girl together. That’s the most important thing, and it goes hand in hand with your own happiness.” She paused and then continued. “It’s very obvious that Y/N brings a great deal of that to the table.”

Yes, you did make him deliriously happy. He felt young again when he was with you. He felt invincible. Loved. He felt loved. 

“Concentrate on both of them – Arin and Y/N – and make some changes. Talk to Nana – civilly. Make this work and you can all be happy. I promise you that.” 

He had never heard Chaewon like this before, she was practically pleading with him. He let out a little laugh. “You make it sound so simple.” 

She simply smiled at him. “If you’re determined enough, it is.” 

.

.

“Mom wants to talk to you.” 

Seokjin looked at his phone outstretched in Arin’s hand with slight confusion. For the past four nights, ever since Sunday, Nana had spoken with Arin just before she had to get ready for bed. It was routine now, another avoidance, he exchanged a hello with her and then passed the phone on. Her tone less defensive as the days went on. Tonight had been the same despite his session with Chaewon this lunchtime. But to his surprise, maybe Nana was making the first move. 

He took the phone from Arin with a smile, not wanting to make her nervous. Usually he left her alone to speak to her mother, not wanting to pry or insert himself but tonight he was sat next to her on the sofa, replying to emails on his laptop. He hadn’t been listening at all, too engrossed with finalising details for an upcoming project, so of course it had come as a shock to find Arin passing the phone to him. 

“Hello?”

“I was just wondering if I could have Arin this weekend.” Nana totally bypassed a greeting of any kind, but she wasn’t demanding in her tone, nor defensive, it was just the way she was. She’d always been straight to the point, no time for pleasantries, and many years ago, when they’d first met, he’d found it highly amusing. 

“Um, of course,” he replied, taken back a little. He would be more than happy for her to have Arin. It wasn’t her weekend, but that had never bothered him before. He wanted Arin to see her as much as possible. It was only fair seeing as their daughter now lived with him. 

There was a brief silence before Nana spoke again. Had she been expecting him to say no? Surely not. But then again, after last weekend maybe her worries were valid. She found her bearings. “What time does she finish school? I’m taking Friday out, I’ll drive down and collect her.” 

Seokjin couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow in surprise. Nana had not once collected Arin herself. “She finishes at 3.”

Nana hesitated, “Do you think they’d let her finish early?” 

“I don’t know… It’s usually only emergencies –”

“Never mind,” she stopped him. “There was just a bunch of things I’d planned, thought we could get a head start, it’s fine.” 

He glanced over at Arin who was watching him hopefully. It was obvious what their phone call had entailed. They’d been making plans for the weekend and Arin was visibly excited. He smiled at her. 

“I could always phone the school tomorrow,” he suggested to Nana. “See if it’s possible. Maybe she could skip the whole day?” 

Nana sounded ecstatic. Something he hadn’t heard in years. “Really? Do you think there’s a chance they’d say yes?”

He shrugged to himself. “It’s just one day, I don’t see why not.” 

Nana was busy thinking. “Maybe I could take tomorrow afternoon away from the office too… Pick her up at 3.” 

It was his turn to hesitate now, opening his mouth ready to suggest something. He knew he owed his ex-wife an apology, but over the phone just wouldn’t do. He needed to see her. He went for it. “Or I could do it for you? I can drive her to you.” 

“You would do that?” She sounded shocked. 

“If she’s allowed to miss a day then yes.” 

“Oh.” It wasn’t often Nana was left speechless. “Okay,” she agreed after a moment. “That would be great actually.” 

His attention went back to Arin then, who was practically vibrating with excitement next to him. His replies hadn’t given away much, but it was enough to tell her she’d be seeing her mother this weekend – and possibly skipping a day of school. He grinned at her and she clung to his arm. 

“Can I say bye to mom?” 

“In a minute, Arin,” he chuckled, amused by her eagerness. “We’re not done yet.” His next sentence was directed at Nana. “I’ll text you tomorrow morning and let you know what the principal said.” 

For the first time in god knows how long there was no malice or sarcasm attached to her gratitude. “Thank you, Seokjin.” 

He took it as a positive sign. Things were changing. They would change. 

The next day he dropped Arin off at school himself. The plan had been to head to reception and ask if he could talk with Principal Jung in person, but after saying his goodbyes and watching Arin meet up with some friends in the playground he began to get second thoughts. What if he accidentally bumped into you? He was on pins even in the parking lot. He wanted to give you all the space necessary and the last thing you probably wanted to see was him walking towards you in the corridor. At work. 

No, instead he drove to his office, phoning the principal as soon as he’d finished up his morning meeting. Hoseok – as he’d been told to call him – was completely understanding. Seokjin didn’t even have to whip out the sob story about Arin missing her mom dearly. Dirty tactics were always the last resort, and he could talk a good game, but thankfully his skill wasn’t needed today. Arin was all set to go this evening. 

The drive wasn’t a long one thankfully, just under an hour as Nana lived in the neighbouring city. This wasn’t the first time he’d been to Nana’s penthouse, the place she’d bought after they’d sold their family home, but the last time had been pretty explosive. Not nearly as bad as last weekend, but close. Arin had thankfully been waiting in the car for him that time, as he and her mother argued over where she should live permanently.  

Seokjin stood beside Arin in the elevator, feeling nervous for the conversation he wanted to have. He was never above apologising when he was in the wrong, but with his ex-wife saying sorry had never come easily. It was childish and he knew he needed to change, so today was the perfect test. If he wanted a clean slate he had to be as honest as possible. 

“Mommyyy,” Arin squealed as she opened the door to greet them, barrelling into her practically. 

Seokjin stood back as they hugged, a soft smile on his face. 

“Arin, I missed you,” Nana informed her, breaking away to take her bag. As she did so, she glanced at Seokjin, then back at their daughter. “Listen, darling, go to your room for a little while so I can speak to daddy.” 

Seokjin felt a little relieved. At least they were on the same page – potentially. 

Arin though, was unsure, looking between her parents as she spoke. “I don’t want to. What if you argue again?”

He felt his heart break at her words. “We won’t, sweetie,” he reassured, bending down to look her in the eyes. “I promise.” 

She still looked dubious, but then Nana took over, her voice light and breezy.  “We won’t be long, okay? Think about what pizza you want to order for dinner.” 

Arin’s eyes lit up at that request and Seokjin couldn’t help but chuckle. That pizza obsession of hers was getting dangerous. “Okay,” she agreed easily, waving to him before she skipped off to the furthest part of the apartment. 

Seokjin watched her leave before rising up again, tugging down the ends of his jacket. Nana was looking at him, an unreadable expression on her face, but he knew it wasn’t anger she was feeling, so that was a plus. He thought back to Sunday, how mad they had both been, how upset Nana had looked as she’d rushed off. The guilt came back. 

He exhaled. He might as well just bite the bullet. “I’m sorry for calling you a terrible mother. I didn’t mean it.” 

Nana stayed silent but her arms wrapped around herself. It was such a vulnerable action, it took him by surprise. 

He continued. “I was just frustrated. I let things build up and exploded.” 

She stared him straight in the eyes, shoulders sagging a little but her voice was strong. “You know I love our daughter half to death.”

“I do,” he agreed. “I don’t doubt that.” 

She look relieved. It made him feel oddly sad. He had never wanted to make her doubt herself as a mother. He was a piece of shit. 

Still, she needed to understand some things. His point of view and where he was coming from. His frustrations weren’t all for nothing. They were valid. “But you have to understand I’m the one who has to pick up the pieces when you end up cancelling on her. It takes its toll.” 

Nana’s gaze flickered to the floor as she whispered. “I’m trying to be better.” Then she looked up again, her voice stronger. “I’m trying to free my weekends up. I’m trying not to do as much. I thought maybe I could even have her for an evening every weekday? I could pick her up from school, take her out for dinner. I know it’s a distance but maybe I could get every Wednesday afternoon away from work... Hopefully.” 

Seokjin was impressed. Nana lived and breathed work so to hear she was thinking about possibly taking an afternoon away every week was… It made him very happy. “She’d love that,” he grinned genuinely. “She misses you a lot.” 

Nana couldn’t help but smile too. “I miss her always.” With a slight chuckle she continued, “This apartment is so quiet without her.”

Seokjin looked down at his feet and grimaced slightly. He knew that feeling all too well. Living without Arin had been close to torture after the divorce. Everything felt so silent, the house gigantic and lonely. He hated the thought of Nana feeling the same way. “You can see her any time, Nana,” he murmured. “I’ll never try to stop you.” 

Despite everything, their grievances toward one another, they had and would always co-parent well. Arin was their number one priority and she needed both parents in her life. 

“I know that,” Nana nodded, “and I’d never try to take her from you.” 

It didn’t bear to think about, but he had to admit, sometimes it was easy for irrational thoughts to creep in when someone was left feeling insecure. 

“She loves living with you. She’s really settled at her new school, she never stops talking about her friends.” Nana continued, making small talk of sorts. He couldn’t remember the last time they’d done this. “She’s the happiest I’ve ever seen her.” 

Seokjin nodded in agreement. She loved her new school, her new friends – her new life, you could say. That was easy to see. 

Nana cleared her throat, dropping her arms to her sides. “I apologise too. I was out of line turning up at your door like that. I was just so mad... so hurt.” She took a few seconds. “I wish you’d just told me.” 

“I should have.” She was absolutely right. “I see that now and I regret it. It was wrong of me to keep my new relationship from you. I wasn’t doing it to be vindictive. I just...” he stopped himself. Even though they weren’t excuses, they felt like they were. His reasons didn’t matter.

“You should have been the first to know because of Arin. If I was in your shoes, if it was the other way around, I would have been angry too.” He stopped and sighed at his stupidity. “I never meant to hurt you, neither did Y/N. She actually had no clue you didn’t know until that day.” 

Nana’s eyes widened with shock, before she looked regretful. “Yeah, that one makes me feel even guiltier. I shouldn’t have spoken to her the way I did. It was a shock to hear Arin speaking about a stranger like that. A stranger I had no clue existed.” 

Seokjin appreciated her apology, but he needed to make sure she understood something. “Yeah, about that, Arin really has never called Y/N her stepmom. We’ve only been together for a few months. I spoke to her about it and Arin understands that’s not the case. It was just kids being kids.” 

Nana nodded. “I shouldn’t have flown off the handle, and I should have listened to your explanation the first time around.” 

He held her gaze. “I’m not trying to replace you, Nana.” 

If that’s what she was worried about, it wasn’t the case. He had never meant to compare the two women and he regretted it deeply. 

Nana’s lips quirked up at the side, her voice relaxed and at ease. “But eventually Arin will call her that.” 

His eyebrows shot up, understanding what she was getting at. “I don’t know,” he shook his head. His relationship with you was up in the air right now. He’d made one too many mistakes. 

Nana brushed him off with sway of her hand. “I guess I’ll learn to deal with it when the time comes.” 

He admitted defeat. “And I’ll have to do the same.” 

It was inevitable really. One day Arin would probably have two blended families and while he really wanted his to be with you, he didn’t want to get his hopes up right now. 

Nana snorted. “Fat chance of that happening. I don’t have time to fall in love again.” 

He stayed silent, unsure what to say. He’d thought the same once upon a time. Until you walked straight into his life. (Or, more fittingly, until he’d reversed straight into yours.) Everyone deserved love in their life and he hoped that one day his ex-wife would find it again. 

She was looking over at him sadly now, eyes softening, and it was almost jarring to see her show this much emotion in front of him. “I did love you, you know,” she murmured before laughing quietly at herself. “I felt like I never told you enough, but in the beginning it was good, right?” 

“It was.” Seokjin hated getting nostalgic, in fact, he actively avoided it, but in this moment he let himself go. Ten years ago, he and Nana had fallen hard for one another. It was fast and exhilarating but – “We just…” 

“Rushed into things that weren’t meant to be?” She finished for him. 

He’d been so eager to marry before he was thirty, to follow in his parents’ footsteps. He wanted, no, needed, to become CEO.  He needed to build something he could be proud of, and having a family fit into that logic. He’d had tunnel vision, but it wasn’t all bad. 

“I can’t regret it though,” he told Nana softly, “because we made Arin.” 

“At least we agree on one thing,” she chuckled. 

“Yeah,” he smiled. 

It was strange speaking like this with one another. He couldn’t even think of the last time something similar had happened. They were always too busy at one another’s throats, not listening to what the other had to say. Now all that fight had gone. They were both exhausted from years of bitterness. Years of fighting. 

He didn’t want to fight anymore. 

Nana seemed to think the same. 

“I’m ashamed she had to hear us fight like that,” she said. “I apologised on the phone but…” 

“She’s okay.” He reassured. “I think she still thinks it’s her fault a little though. I’ve tried telling her it wasn’t repeatedly.” 

“I’ll talk to her over dinner.” 

“Good idea.” 

There was a pregnant pause before Nana chuckled. “This is the first time we’ve spoken so civilly in a long time.” She hesitated, wanting to say something else. He waited patiently, curious. “Maybe we should think about talking it out with a professional?” 

He raised his eyebrows. It wasn’t a bad idea actually, but then… thing seemed to be working out well on their own right now. “Maybe we should see how things go first? Now that we know how one another feels.” They weren’t out of the dark yet, but it was looking hopeful. “But if you think it will help then I won’t refuse,” he added, wanting to show how seriously he was taking this. 

She smiled slightly. “Okay, we’ll see how things go.” 

It seemed like the conversation had run its course then, and Seokjin shuffled, about to suggest he head out now, but Nana spoke again. “Are you okay?” She asked. “No offence, but you look like shit.” 

He laughed, actually laughed, at her words. He could always count on her to be honest with him. “I haven’t been sleeping very well,” he admitted, “but talking with you definitely helped.” 

She eyed him doubtfully. “I hope I haven’t ruined things with you and Y/N. I can talk with her if you want?” 

“No, it’s fine,” he shook his hand. 

She looked down, feeling foolish. “I guess I did enough damage.” 

He chuckled. “No, pretty sure I did that all on my own.” 

Looking up, her mouth opened, as if she was about to ask him what he meant but stopped herself at the last second. She wasn’t there yet, and neither was he. 

He took a step back. “I should go.”

Nana went to follow him to the door. “I’ll have her back by Sunday. Do you want to say goodbye?” She saw his nod and called for their daughter, her voice echoing off the walls. “Arin? Arin, darling, come here and say bye to your dad.” 

A few seconds later he heard Arin’s footsteps getting closer, she hovered by the entryway, looking worried for a second, as if she was expecting the worst but then she saw her parents smiling faces and relaxed instantly. 

“I’ll see you Sunday, okay?” Seokjin told her as she made her way towards him. He reached to pick her up, something she scolded him over sometimes because it was “embarrassing” now. She was getting older, he kept forgetting, because to him she would always be his little girl. This time however, she let him do so, wrapping her arms around his neck as she kissed his cheek. 

“Okay, bye daddy. Love you.” 

“Love you, too,” he grinned, kissing her back before he put her down.

Nana watched on with a grin of her own. 

Being home alone was odd. Seokjin couldn’t remember the last time he’d been on his own. In the week Misook was here to help out with Arin and the housework, then every other weekend she often dropped in when he needed her. When the house wasn’t occupied by his daughter or Misook, you were here with him, so it had been quite a while since it was just him. It reminded him of the past, when he’d lived here all alone. He never wanted to go back to that. 

He was happy to see Friday roll around. It felt like he’d been waiting all his life. Just one more day and he’d get to speak to you. The lack of communication was killing him. Ever since you’d began dating you’d spoken every day. It felt strange to be without that, like he was missing a part of himself. He’d been able to distract himself with work throughout the week, but no amount of distractions could really stop him from thinking about you. Stop him from missing you. Because he did. Terribly. 

The photo on his desk didn’t help matters either – the two of you smiling together on the fishing trip he’d organised over the summer – but like hell was he hiding it away in a drawer. 

It was probably best that Arin was with Nana this weekend. It gave you both some time to talk and sort things out – hopefully. He was praying so hard that everything would be okay, but he was getting ready to fight for you. Just in case. Of course he would listen to what you had to say, and respect it too, but if it happened to be bad news he would try his best to make you see how sorry he was and how hard he was trying to change. He couldn’t lose you. Not when he loved you so much.

You made him want to be a better man. 

.

.

He got home pretty late from the office, staying just to avoid an empty house and after having a quick shower and ordering takeout, he decided on an early night. This week had been mentally and emotionally draining so it was probably for the best. Plus the sooner he slept the sooner tomorrow would come. 

He’d just stepped out of the bathroom when he heard his phone ring in his sweatpants pocket. He pulled the device out automatically, expecting it to be Namjoon, because who else would be calling at this time? But to his surprise and utter amazement, he saw your name flashing across his screen. 

His heart began to pound embarrassingly loud and he rushed to answer, sounding a little breathless as he murmured your name.

“Hey, you,” your replied, and he swore he could hear the smile in your voice. His shoulders instantly released the tension he hadn’t realised they’d been holding. 

“I wasn’t expecting you to call tonight.” He heard himself say, cursing himself because it sounded so dumb. He was over the moon you’d decided to call. Of course he was. 

“Sorry, I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” 

“Of course not,” he rushed. “Well,” he laughed, “I was just about to head to bed.” 

You laughed along softly, the sound making his heart sing. “I was going to wait until tomorrow but Soojung is with Taehyung tonight and being alone means I can’t stop thinking about you.” 

He couldn’t stop the sigh of relief that slipped past his lips. It was so good to hear you say that. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you all week. Are you ready to talk? I’m willing to answer any questions you have.” He meant every word. 

“I’m ready,” you replied. “Should I come over? I don’t want to do this over the phone.” 

“I can come to you?” He suggested instead, not wanting you to go out of your way for him. “Arin’s with Nana until Sunday.” 

“Oh. Okay. Now?” 

“It’s not too late?” 

“No, it’s fine.” You sounded a little eager and that just made even more relieved. He’d been expecting the worst all along. “I really want to see you.” 

He smiled, happiness overwhelming him. “I’ll be there soon, okay? Really soon.” As he spoke he made his way into the closet, opening up his drawers to find a clean t-shirt. 

“Don’t speed,” you told him jokingly.  

“Of course I won’t,” he laughed. “I’m going to hang up now but I won’t be long.” 

“Okay, see you soon, Seokjin.” 

He couldn’t stop the grin on his face as he said his final goodbye, his heart racing with excitement as he tore off his old shirt to put the new one on. It was a little creased, but it would do. He didn’t have time to find anything else. 

He needed to see you. 

He needed to be with you. 

[triptuckers]

New In Town (part one) - Kaz Brekker

Request: nope Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader Summary: after fleeing ravka, you hope ketterdam can bring you new opportunities Warnings:  mentions of guns, violence, blood, bruises, scars, death oh boy we really are going full in and it's just the first part sjflksdflsj Word count: 2K A/N: new series alert !!!! got this idea a while back and the outline got so long I decided to make it into a series! I think this'll be about seven parts! enjoy reading! PREVIOUS PART | NEXT PART TAG LIST (all grishaverse fics): @ayushmitadutta @mrs-brekker15@dancingwith-sunflowers @thegirlwiththeimpala @parker-natasha@story-scribbler @romanoffstarkovs @daliareads @meiitanoia @itsnotquimey @sanktaesperanza @whymyparentscheckmyphone@aleksanderwh0r3 @ilovemarvelanne1 @marlenaisnthappy @tomridlessecretvampiredemigod TAG LIST (Kaz Brekker): @mufnasa @janesofia7 @stairscortana add yourself to my tag lists here (bold means I couldn't tag you for some reason!)

You liked to live on the edge. Not too much, of course, but you could never say no to a little adrenaline. Your life had always been busy, no time for slowing down.

And how could you slow down, with the skills you have?

All around Ravka, you're known as a highly skilled thief, assassin and spy. Of course, they don't know your true name. You hide your identity and make sure if you're meeting with a client, they never see your face or any other distinctive marks such as scars.

You're always on the move, going from place to place. Going wherever someone was in need your particular skillset. You never questioned their reasons, only did what needed to be done and got your payment. It was part of the job. You get instructions, do the job and don't ask questions.

Over the years, you'd grown rich with knowledge and the secrets of the most powerful men and women of your time. If only they knew how powerful you were, even without your skills. You could bring down a dozen of highly ranked political advisors, generals, counts and more, if you wanted to.

But you never threatened them like that. Not unless it was absolutely necessary. You didn't like to blackmail them. And on top of that, it was bad for business.

Sometimes you weren't very proud of the life you're living. Basically your whole identity is a lie. On some days you think you could forget it all, start a new life somewhere in Novyi Zem or the Ravkan countryside.

You had tried it once. You settled down on a farm. Your new life had lasted a week. Then it was back to business.

Even though no one knows your identity, you're famous among the tales that go around in Ravka. You can't help but to feel pride when you're in a pub and overhear some locals talking about you, having no clue you are sitting right behind them.

You try your best to hide you identity, you have to. Though you are more than capable of handling an ambush, you'd rather not have to run for your life. While your unique skill set is valued, it also made you a target.

Less than a week ago, some men had followed you after a job. You were on your way to the local inn you were staying at, when you noticed someone following you.

You pretended you didn't notice them and kept on walking. Soon after, two more men joined the first one. You could handle them. After all, you had weapons hidden all over your body. And even if they took them, you'd still be able to fight with your body.

As you were walking, making calculations on which escape route you could take, you noticed three more men in the distance. It was a small town, so it was odd for so many of them to linger at this time of night.

The only reason why they would be there, was that they were there for you. You slowly reached a hand to your hip, where two revolvers rest. But before you could even touch them, one of the men had rushed toward you and slammed you against a wall, pinning your hands to the wall next to your body.

But this is what you had trained for. This is what you had been doing all your life.

After a split second, you slammed your knee upward, into the man's stomach. He instantly released go of you as he doubled over. You kicked him again for good measure and finally pulled out your revolver.

So long for staying hidden.

You fired off a shot at the man closest to you and watched as he crumbled to the ground, clutching his chest. You shot the third man, who fell to the floor as well.

Before you could shoot the fourth, he knocked the revolver out of your hand. But you were too quick for him, you pulled out a knife and sunk it deep into his chest.

As you pulled it out of him again, sending blood everywhere, the fifth man approached you. This time, you were too slow. He slammed you into a wall again, your head hitting the stone hard.

You could feel blood slowly leaking down your cheek, and cursed under your breath. Oh, he was going to pay for that. You flung the knife, which you were still holding in your hand, through the air. It hit him in the neck.

You watches as he staggered backwards, eyes shocked as he looked at you. You pulled the knife out of his neck as the life left his eyes.

The sixth man seemed to have changed his mind after witnessing what you had done to his companions. But as he ran away, you sighed and pulled out your revolver. You couldn't leave any witnesses. Muttering a sorry to whichever Saint was listening, you pulled the trigger.

You couldn't stay in Ravka any longer. That incident had been the last in a string of people trying to ambush you. Even though they didn't know any facts about you such as your name or your age, they did know what you looked like.

Staying in Ravka would have been dangerous. You couldn't go to Fjerda, they were searching for you there as well. And you definitely didn't want to go to Shu Han. Novyi Zem seemed like the place people went to if they wanted to settle down. So, Kerch seemed like your best option.

You didn't even stop by the inn to collect your bag, knowing soon people would come to see who had fired a gun in the streets of a small town.

Instead, you went straight for Os Kervo, to get on a ship. Luckily, it wasn't a long journey, and it is still early in the morning when you arrive at the docks.

You walk around, trying to find a ship that is headed for Ketterdam and willing to take you with them, and ignoring the throbbing pain in your head. After trying three captains, the fourth one agrees to take you aboard. But only if you work on your way.

Deciding it is probably the best offer you would get, you accept.

You spend your time at sea scrubbing the floors, cleaning the glasses, fixing things and making sure the crew has enough water to drink. Part of you is a bit disappointed you have to work. You'd only been on a ship once before, and you hoped you could enjoy the sea. But the captain makes sure there are enough chores for you.

The journey takes a couple of days, but eventually you finally make it to Ketterdam, eager to get off the ship and explore the city.

You heard a lot of stories about Ketterdam, mostly hushed conversations in pubs. They were all bad. People claimed the ones that went to Ketterdam only visited the city to have fun. And by have fun they meant drinking, gambling, and visiting the pleasure houses.

But you didn't care about that. You are interested in the gangs. Most of the people who didn't like Ketterdam blamed it on the many gangs that ruled the streets. You knew the city was supposed to be controlled by the Stadwatch, but you also knew how easy it was to bribe someone with money or knowledge.

The more stories you heard about Ketterdam, the more curious you got.

When you get off the ship after thanking the captain, you take a look around you. The docks you arrived on are crawling with people.

Rich people who want to have fun, young kids with dirty faces holding out their hands for money, people waiting for loved ones to get off the ships that are arriving. You're eagerly watching all the kinds of people you pass.

As you're making your way through the crowd, you spot a few people going the opposite way. You watch them closely as they approach the rich tourists, talking about the best places to eat and offering a place to stay.

The tourists seem pleased by all the attention, but you've been taught to look at people a little differently. You see how one of the people talking to the tourists shakes a hand and slips the rich man's watch off of his wrist.

You smile to yourself as you continue walking. Ketterdam seemed like fun to you. It would be ideal for someone like you, with the skills you have and the knowledge you carry with you.

When you're out of the swarm of people on the docks, you pull out your money bag. It wasn't much, but it may be enough for a room. You start walking around the city, looking for a place to sleep that wasn't too expensive.

You try every inn you find, but with the small amount of money you have, you would only be able to rent a room for a couple of nights.

It's getting late when you enter a street with a lot of pubs. Laughter and music pours out into the street through the open doors and windows. You smile as you listen to the sounds of the night, ignoring the ache in your feet and the pain in your head.

You stop at a promising looking pub. As you're about to keep on walking, you notice a sign, telling you they have rooms you can rent. And for a reasonable price. You'd be able to rent a room for at least a couple of weeks.

You step into the pub, ignoring a man who cheerfully invites you to his table. You make for the bar and signal to the bartender.

'I saw you have rooms I can book for a couple of weeks?' you say to him.

He nods at you. 'You're lucky. Only got one left. Right above the entrance. It'll be noisy, but it's good.' he says.

'I'll take it.' you say.

The bartender nods again and reaches for something underneath the bar. Instinctively, you rest a hand on your revolver that's hidden beneath your coat. He doesn't even seem fazed by it. Maybe it's part of being Kerch.

'I'm just reaching for the keys.' he says in a calm voice.

And indeed, when he reaches out his hand, he throws a key on the bar. You let go of your revolver and reach for you money bag instead. You take the keys and hand him the money.

'This should be enough for a couple of weeks.' you say.

'Enjoy your stay.' he says, returning to serving drinks.

You look at the room number, seven. After asking someone for directions, you find the stairs that lead to the rooms.

When you get to the first floor, you see that your room is indeed right above the entrance. You unlock the door and are met by a small room.

There's only room for a bed, a small closet and a tiny desk. The bathroom is not as clean as you hoped it would be, but you'd stayed in worse rooms. And after all, you hadn't expected much from Ketterdam. For now you're just glad you have a place to sleep.

You shrug off your coat and boots, and place all of you weapons on the desk. You step into the small bathroom to wash the dried blood off of your face and comb your hair with your fingers.

After locking the door, you open the window a little. You lay down on the bed and listen to the sounds outside until you fall asleep. You already wondered what Ketterdam could offer you.

A/N: If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rules Here’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Marit

[klbwriting]

Unexpected Allies - Chapter 5

Fandom: Six of Crows

Pairing: future Kaz!femaleReader (although he def fucks up in this chpater)

Warnings: a lot of talk about death and war

Summary:  Secrets are shared on the carriage ride out of town

Note: I edited this once I realized I left my placeholder name in the story >.< I always use a random name when I’m writing a series and then change to Y/N but it was midnight and I forgot.

Jesper told Kaz and Y/N to stay in the carriage and for once Kaz listened to his subordinate. Y/N needed to stay hidden and someone had to protect her. Not that she really needed protecting, not by him at least. If she had wanted to she could pick and chose which way she wanted to kill him. Hell, she could do it 3 different ways if she chose. But the look in her eyes when Kaz moved to get out of the carriage and join Jesper had given him pause, so he sat back down and stared at her.

"You can ask you know," she said finally, once she had calmed. Kaz felt the adrenaline drain from his body and he sat back in the seat, looking down at his cane between his legs. His eyes drifted to their knees, so close together but he could see while his was moving with the carriage hers was frozen. She was holding it still, thinking about him and what he needed again. Why? Why did she care so much about him and his issues? Others noticed how he avoided touch, noticed the gloves, the way he didn't reach out to help anyone no matter what, but they didn't protect him from it, in fact some of them used it against him. They died of course but they tried to use it. Inej had sometimes tried to protect him but not like this. Y/N had thrown her body into the way and held back a crowd of drunk gamblers trying to save themselves just to let him stand up again.

"You didn't let anyone touch me...not even yourself," he said, recalling her catching herself in the carriage and making sure again that she didn't touch him. He looked at their knees again and held his breath, moving his knee to touch hers gently. She looked at him, seeing his clenched jaw, his other hand in a fist by his side.

"Don't," she said flatly, making Kaz look at her. She had her eyes closed, head tilted back. He once again didn't know what she was thinking. "I know how hard prison must have been for you. I'm not sure where your issue with touch comes from but hell, I'm not going to let you pass out in a crowded room that's on fire. I will protect you Kaz." She finally looked at him and he saw the bare truth in her eyes. For the first time her eyes hid nothing, she meant exactly what she said.

"Why?" he asked, not sure what exactly made him so appealing to her. She let out a frustrated noise. He narrowed his eyes, not liking her getting angry at him.

"Kaz Brekker, you are needed in the resistance. I know you don't want to be there, you just want your crew and want to leave, but you are needed. Desperately. And even if you weren't needed I would still protect you. I spent months learning about you, watching you, and I, dammit, I feel something for you and even if you could never feel like that for me I'm damn sure not going to let you get hurt. Enough people I care about have been killed because I didn't do enough to protect them. I will never let it happen again," she said. For a moment Kaz stayed silent, letting her calm down. He knew of her watching him, knew of her feelings. He thought about how he couldn't feel that way for her, or anyone, when a small voice in his head came bubbling up and said one small word. Liar.

"The resistance doesn't need me. It needs heroes," he said. "I sure as hell am not a hero." He would ignore what else she had said, not sure how to address it right now. He needed time to digest it before he dove into everything she had revealed.

"Heroes are the last thing the resistance needs. Heroes lost the civil war, trying to be a hero lost me everything, we need a thief, someone who can sneak in, pick all the locks to the Darkling's room and slit any throat that tries to stop them. They need you," she said. They stared at each other again and Kaz was overcome for a moment with the urge to take her into his arms and hold her, but a moment after the thought occurred to him the familiar feeling of revulsion rose in his chest. He shook off the feeling and leaned his elbows to his knees.

"What happened to make me what the resistance needs? What in the hell happened to Alina Starkov that you blame yourself for?" he demanded, tired of the secrets she was keeping. She sat back, looking up at the ceiling of the carriage. He saw the tears pricking the corners of her eyes as she tried to fight them. Despite the feeling of revulsion lingering Kaz forced his knee to touch hers again. This time she let him, lost in her own past.

"You figured I was a double agent for Alina's followers. I was easily a favorite of Aleksander's, the Darkling's, because when I was younger I would follow him around like a puppy. I had a crush on him as a child and he humored me. By the time Alina came along I was seeing the cracks in his armor. I mean, he was called the Darkling, his betrayal shouldn't have been that surprising. So when Alina ran she asked me to stay behind, she attacked me, making sure it looked like I had chosen Aleksander over her. I instantly gained his trust that way. He kept me by his side and I would feed small bits of information with Alina. Not everything of course, I couldn't be too obvious. If Aleksander wasn't going to be at a battle I didn't report it. Or if Aleksander was going to be there but not Alina I let it go. I hated that, so many died because I had to pretend to be faithful to a madman, but it was the only way to make sure that Alina was safe."

Y/N took a deep breath, looking at Kaz and seeing the question in his eyes. She knew he thought the same as everyone else in the Little Palace. She couldn't possibly be second in command based on talent or skill. Large women weren't really smart, they couldn't possibly think of anything more than food. She had been underestimated because of her size her entire life and she normally didn't care, she used it as motivation to prove everyone wrong no matter what they thought she did. But she cared that Kaz knew the truth.

"Go ahead, ask me how I kept my position so secure," she said. She felt Kaz's knee stiffen and looked at them touching. This small action must be taking a lot out of him mentally and she appreciated it, but she didn't want him to feel she was taking advantage so she curled her legs under her body on the seat, making sure he had space. She saw him relax again but he didn't look pleased.

"I'm sure many think you kept your position by climbing into bed with him," he said. She barked a harsh laugh.

"I wish everyone thought of me in such a way, that I somehow could seduce my way to the top," she said. "Some may think that, but most think Aleksander uses me because my Inferni powers are so strong. I am the closest he could get to another Sun Summoner. But I still had to prove myself."

"You betrayed Alina?" he asked. She let one single tear fall then, wiping it quickly.

"She told me to, I had to betray her people. She let me know where Zoya would be, thinking that he would go easy on her since she was once his favorite. What Alina didn't know was that Nikolai would be there. The Darkling didn't hesitate, he cut through both of them and suddenly he took everything I told him as law. I paid for his trust with blood," she said. She now was just letting herself cry, it was pointless to try and stop it. Kaz probably thought she was weak but right now she didn't care. He wasn't going to stick around long after they got to the Permafrost anyway, she shouldn't care at all what he thought. "The worst though, was when he figured out that someone was leaking information. He suddenly didn't trust any of us now, so I had to figure out something. I couldn't get a note out to Alina but I knew she and Darkling were going to meet near Keramzin and I also knew she wouldn't want me to blow my cover so I kept quiet. He took all of us with him, it was almost poetic that they were going to face off near where she grew up. During the fighting she was captured by the Darkling. I was going to intervene, she saw me starting to move and she held up her hands and shook her head. There was already a small force gathering in the north and she didn't want to risk them being lost with her so I stood down and he killed her. Then he turned to me and smiled." She shuttered and finally looked at Kaz.

"Its not your fault," he said after a minute of silence. She smiled sadly at him. "She knew what was happening, she wanted you to live. She took care of you, like a sister." He looked at the floor of the carriage, a fair away look on his face.

"When was your brother killed?" she asked. He didn't have to answer but she wanted him to know that she would listen to him like he had listened to her. He just shook his head.

"Well that's two of your secrets I have discovered tonight," he said. Y/N sat up straighter, realizing her mistake. He was trying to worm his way in for her secrets, something to hold as leverage. He did in fact know her two deepest secrets now. Saints she was an idiot letting her mouth run ragged for him.

"I suppose you want to hear about the powers too?" she asked, folding her arms and moving closer to the door of the carriage. Kaz just nodded. Well he already knew about them so she might as well say it. "I don't know why I can do more than a normal Grisha, its just how I was born. There now you have all my secrets to use at your will. Enjoy." She turned to look out at the road seeing the sun slowly rising in the distance.

She knew Kaz Brekker's reputation, knew what kind of man he was, had even promised herself that she would keep him at a distance and in a few short hours he had picked his way back into her heart. The worst part was he barely had to do anything at all, a forced smile and a little dance, just so that he would have something to hold over her. He knew her greatest asset and her greatest failure and the worst part was that she still wanted to tell him more. She was getting angrier at herself by the second. She was about to take that anger out on her carriage companion but there was a loud crack and the wheel went flying, sending the carriage into a ditch. The last thing Y/N saw was Kaz bracing himself for impact before she hit her head and was unconscious.

[i-did-not-mean-to]

Never say never - Chapter 13

Here's a new chapter of my main story (I forgot to go on posting lol)

Fandom: RPF- Richard Armitage

Characters : OC x RA

Rating : Mature

Warnings : RPF (and factually incorrect and very soppy)

°13° ­~Victoria~

She had expected questions and intrusive crowding, but her friends and their friends, sat motionless around the table still. Victoria saw that they had unpacked every single book and movie she had bought and put them into piles, though she could not discern the logic governing the separate piles.

“Have a nice chat?” Liza asked after a moment of Victoria just standing in the door, wordless, chewing on her lower lip.

Victoria, in turn, gave an assenting grunt and handed Martin back his phone with a grateful smile.

“More information, please?” Angie demanded, crossing her legs, and putting her folded hands upon them like a school mistress ready to listen to the recitation of a particularly hopeless student. Victoria bristled.

She had to dig her heels into the floor to keep herself from turning around and fleeing the room. Adulthood somehow boiled down to the absence of the heavy, constraining hand at the back of her neck, and Victoria had a tendency to bolt every chance that she got. Afterwards, she always felt ashamed because she knew that she had not solved anything by just leaving a situation in which she felt uncomfortable, but she had not learned how to face her instincts and overcome them.

For her, it had always been a matter of being able to follow her reflexes or being forced to go against them.

It pained her to discover that her instincts were all wrong and, what was worse, not only did they neither soothe nor protect Victoria herself, no, they also usually ended up hurting someone else.

“We…we talked. I said he’s welcome to come here if he cares to. He said he’d help me set up any other furniture I might need.” She felt and sounded sheepish, Victoria knew, but she didn’t know how to make that very normal conversation sound like the outrageous exchange of dark confessions the others apparently expected.

“Oh, so I’ve been made redundant? And I had hoped you’d let me watch the movie with you.” Hiddleston winked at her.

Big breath, Victoria told herself, this was good, this was healthy, don’t run, stand your ground.

“You’re welcome here, little fairy-lord. You can come watch the movie with me.” She said in a tiny voice.

“Oh goodie good good, we have made piles of movies we want to watch along with you…on your fancy new TV…” Angie clapped her hands and, finally, Victoria understood the piles. “You naughty girl, you.” Liza laughed.

“Naughty?” Victoria blinked. She did not see why she would be naughty for watching movies. Had her father been right, and they corrupted the impeccable morals he had tried to instil in her? Were movies the devil’s dark corruption after all?

Martin had called it “porn”, she remembered, and a cold shiver ran down her spine.

“What are you talking about? Have I done something wrong?” Panic seeped into her voice now and she was starting to feel a little dizzy. She knew that Liza sometimes made crude jokes, but up to this point, she had never been the butt of these jokes.

“Liza!” Angie hissed, rushing to Victoria’s side to soothe her with shushing noises and tender caresses. “She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.” She said, but Victoria could hear that she was lying, as noted before, Angie was a terrible liar.

“Yeah, low blow, I’m sorry. So, what else does Armitage say?” Liza lifted her hands apologetically and leaned back in her chair, knowing that Victoria would most probably shrink back from her if she was to approach right now.

“He wanted to go over some comments in the script with me. We might meet up if he finds the time. I gave him my number.” Victoria narrated in an emotionless voice; her mind still occupied by the accusation of being a naughty girl.

Angie threw a look at her wife that was so earth-shatteringly severe that Liza didn’t even dare make a face at that. Unfortunately, Jenna had not picked up on it and so, still snacking on the pizza crust, she asked: “Really? You gave him your number? Cute.”

Victoria stared at her for a solid 2 minutes; her mouth was bone-dry, and her tongue seemed to be glued to her teeth. She barely heard the warning hiss Angie gave her employee. Her head was spinning; she was entering territories of supposition and innuendo she was painfully unfamiliar with, and it scared her.

“Cute?” She gasped, feeling the tears of helpless perplexity burn behind her eyes, ready to spill over. Victoria had never given this number to any man, because the last time she had given a man her private telephone number, she had had another number, she had lived in another city, she had led a very different life.

“It’s not like that. It’s professional.” She tried to defend herself weakly. It was true, she had met that man twice in her life, and both times, it had been with Liza in the context of that ludicrous side-job she had accepted to keep busy.

On the other hand, she was a single woman and, as far as she knew, he was a single man. She was a recent divorcee; he had never been married. He had slept with a thousand and one nameless women in his life…and she had only ever had one sexual partner and had never expected having to think about another one.

“Fuck.” She cursed. There were no Saints that came to mind to call upon in this situation. She should have trusted her gut feeling and pull out of this whole story while she was ahead; she should have left this first evening right away and never return to that damn room. She should have kept her door closed tightly.

“It’s okay, I’m sorry…I’m sure that he knows that it’s strictly professional.” Jenna tried to calm her, but her eyes were wide and worried now.

“OH! Will he? I’ve invited the man into my home, haven’t I? Like Delilah to Samson, oh Lord…” Victoria groaned, all of her compounded trauma harrowing her to the brink of tears once again. What would he think of her? Did he believe that she wanted to throw herself at him like a common prostitute? Did he expect that? Would he be violent if she refused?

If he thought that her intentions had been indecent, surely, he would not try to contact her in any way or form, would he?

“Like…Vic, do you intend to seduce him and cut his magic…hair?” Liza mocked, but when she saw the expression Victoria’s face, she fell silent instantly. She waved Hiddleston and Martin aside, feeling that they should not draw attention to themselves.

“Vic,” she pleaded, “look at me, girl. It’s okay, you’re safe. It was a dumb joke, nothing more.”

Liza knew that she had gone too far too fast; Victoria was in her living room while it was dark outside, together with 4 people who were attracted to women and yet, she had only made the connection once Armitage had been mentioned.

Devout and faithful, Victoria had only ever known the man she had married, in the biblical sense, and it had been overzealous of her to believe that she might take another lover so easily. There were too many things to unravel before.

“What have I done?” Victoria sobbed and the dam broke; hot tears broke their way out of her system, and she cried pitifully for a few minutes straight, shaking so much that her teeth clattered as if she was standing naked in the snow.

“Victoria? Is there anything I can do for you? You can talk to me.” Hiddleston offered and his calm demeanour managed to pacify her enough to shake her head slowly. “I have acted abominably. I…just can’t do anything right.” She croaked.

“That is not true. You’ve been frightened and overwhelmed at first, but you’ve been a kind hostess tonight. We had fun this afternoon, didn’t we? What is it that upsets you so?” Hiddleston took her hands and brushed his thumbs lightly across them in slow, gentle circles.

“What does that poor man think of me now? He will believe I am completely insane!” Victoria lamented, tears still running down her cheeks in regular intervals. “No, he won’t. He’s not a monster. We all can see that you’ve been through some things, but we’re here to make it better. And, as you said, it’s strictly professional. I’m sure he knows that.”

Hiddleston exchanged a look with Martin. Richard knew, but that didn’t prevent him from maybe hoping that one day, it wouldn’t be so. As far as one could make any assumptions based on Victoria’s erratic behaviour, she seemed half scared to death that it might turn into something that wasn’t all that professional anymore as well.

“You’ve had a stressful day, why don’t we leave you alone? I’m surprisingly free the next few days, so if you want me to, I can swing by tomorrow and while I go have my picture taken, you can choose some more furniture. And then, we finish the movie? What about that?” He coaxed her into calming down until a puffy face and a pathetic hiccup were all that remained of her passionate outburst. “Yes, I’d like that. We can go have cakes in the afternoon?” Victoria replied.

It was easy to like Hiddleston, and that discovery surprised and amazed her. He was kind and unobtrusive; he had a good sense of humour, and, most importantly, she was in no way attracted to him.

Oh, he was glorious, there was no denying that, but he reminded her too much of that friend she had dreamt up as a child – when she had lain in bed, lonely as can be – to be in any way titillating to her. He made her wish that she wasn’t an only child; he made her long for siblings, for someone to go to for advice and solace.

Never would she look at him like Jenna did: with big, longing cow-eyes that were starry with wordless adulation.

Vic’s mind slammed on the brakes again. Jenna did stare at that man like he had literally just fallen from the sky and, when Vic had proposed to go to the tearooms, her breath had stumbled for a second there.

Jenna had a crush on Liza’s friend.

Victoria was utterly baffled. Were things that easy in the normal world? Did people just meet someone handsome and kind, and then allowed their heart to leap into their eyes? Victoria could not fathom being that brazen and reckless.

“He’s right. Let’s retreat. I’m sorry, Vic.” Liza shooed the others out of the room. “Good night, dear Victoria. Thanks for the pizza. I hope we can be friends now.” Martin spoke gently as if to a sick child or to a fretful mare.

“Sorry for being such a mess. Yes, sure we can be friends. Thank you so much for the poppets.” She picked them up gingerly as she followed the others out of the room and turned off the lights in the living room.

“Not the kind of plastic dick people usually keep next to their bed.” Liza mumbled under her breath, which made Victoria skewer her with a scandalised, speechless look. “Sorry, it was too good to miss out on. You know, because…”

Victoria lifted her eyebrows in an expression of annoyed impatience; the joke went completely over her head.

“Richard is abbreviated Dick. You know…” Liza wagged her head from side to side to make very clear that she was only making a very tasteless joke and not attacking Victoria in any way. “Funny.” Victoria commented, her face so stern and forbidding that she would have given Armitage and Macfadyen a run for their money.

“They will not be kept next to my bed…once I get the proper décor for them.” Victoria then snarled. “Décor?” Martin was interested by that comment, his hand on the doorhandle already but his face turned to Victoria, eager to hear how she would proceed.

“I guess I’ll have to go to the pet shop to get a proper set-up where they’d feel at ease.” Victoria shrugged.

“They’re inanimate dolls.” Liza cried out, horrified at the idea that her friend would procure a cave and a hobbit-hole for two toys. “They’re the only friends I have now.” Victoria shot back with a dark smile.

“Ah, come on. I love you, girl. You know that I love you, don’t you? I’d never want to do you harm.” Liza smiled warmly, hugging Victoria to her chest, and breathing in her warm, clean smell. “Go to bed.” She breathed and left.

And so, Victoria went upstairs with her poppets, laying them gently on the pillow next to hers before getting ready for bed. She brushed her hair and her teeth, applied creams and serums, and put her clothes in the laundry basket…only to return to an empty bedroom. For all anybody cared, she could have gone to bed dirty and dishevelled; nobody would ever have known.

Shaking her head, she dispelled those thoughts forcefully. She had made progress today, she had opened her home to other people, and she had taken two different, hasty, and informal meals with them. She was not sure that her friends were aware of the fact that she had never lived alone before in her life and that those experiences were completely new to her, but she felt the excitement of having had acquaintances over.

A couch, she would buy a proper couch for her little sanctuary so more people could come and enjoy movies with her.

She was on the right track, she could feel it, and so she fell asleep, her poppets next to her, with a blissful smile.

~Richard~

He was an idiot. He had nothing to do the next few days, but he had made it sound as if he was terribly busy.

She had assumed that, and he had been too proud to clear the misunderstanding up, which made it only fair that now, the ball was in his court, and he would have to contact Victoria to plan a…meeting.

He would not call it a “date”, because first of all, it wasn’t a date, and second, he didn’t want to play into the hands of Martin and Elizabeth who had been aiming for that kind of thing apparently.

She had sounded breathless but not as hostile as before tonight. She had given him her number and he couldn’t stop fidgeting with the paper; by now, he had saved her number in his phone and on his laptop, just in case that he reduced the poor note to dust by handling it so much.

What would he say though? Should he give her a call or just text? He had said he’d text her, but he wanted to be on the phone with her again; it seemed that they were doing alright on the phone even though she frequently checked out of the conversation to talk to other people.

By now, the others were certainly gone…No, he would not call her again when he had nothing new to tell her. He wondered if she would have reached out if she had his number; women were usually better at that than men.

Sexist, cool, he was going insane at a rapid pace. Pictures of her, kneeling on the floor and praying to her various saints to protect her from whatever it was that haunted her so, rose inside his mind; he wondered if she slept in long, flowing, weirdly anachronistic nightgowns or if she went to bed in an old ratty sweatshirt. Both had their own appeal.

God, it was late, and his mind was wandering in all the wrong directions. He would not think of her in bed, he had no reason or right to do so, she had not given him any cause or encouragement to take that path down a very slippery slope, but he could not forget the small moans he had caught now and again.

Of course, they might have been groans of exasperation and impatience, but even so, there was something within him, deep beneath the parts of his mind he had any control over, that had responded ferociously to the breathless sound.

Maybe, he should just get it over with and send her one of those texts that only informed her of his number…

[romanceforransom]

There was a writer!sander fic that i started a little while ago but didn’t know where to go with it. So, I decided to post it here 🤷‍♀️

I might continue it...? idk. but let me know what you think :) 

I ran into my local bookshop, the bell notifying my entrance as I swung open the heavy wooden door.

I had made sure to set my alarm extra early for that morning, giving myself enough time to get there before I had to make my way to work. There was a book that I had been waiting what felt like years for, and I wanted to pick it up as soon as humanly possible.

“Has it come?” I asked excitedly, rushing over to the front desk and locking eyes with an amused Zoë

She was used to my erratic behaviour by now, becoming desensitised to my hyperactive persona that I don whenever a new book comes out.

Not that I do it with every book. Of course, I love most things that come out, burying my nose in anything that I possibly can. But nothing gets me quite as excited as the books by Earthling Oddity.

Nobody knew this unknown author’s real name, or what they looked like. The air of mystery obviously created a lot of hype, gaining them a lot of followers trying to crack the code and reveal the hidden identity. What really made them popular, though, was the magical way they created stories.

I was always completely enraptured by the words written on the pages. Becoming engrossed in the fictional world they created and riding out the waves of emotions that came with the storylines.

They had come out with a new book recently, a new addition to one of their series, and I had been patiently (except not really. Unless pacing up and down the flat and checking my phone constantly for updates was considered as being patient) for it to be delivered to my bookstore.

“It’s here” Zoë replied, sounding amused “I reserved one for you, even though I knew you would be the first one in here today”

She reached underneath the desk and produced the long-awaited book

I stared at it in awe, admiring the bright colours and detailed art on the front cover.

“Wow” I breathed out, smiling

“You looking forward to reading it?”

I tore my eyes away from the book and looked up at her, squinting my eyes slightly “Seriously? I have been counting down the days for this book! Of course, I’m looking forward to finally being one step closer to unravelling the mystery that lies between the pages…”

She chuckled as I lifted my hand to tenderly stroke the front cover “Should I leave you two alone?”

“No, that’s ok” I said, picking it up and placing it gently in my backpack “I have to get going anyway”

“Ok, well keep me updated on it!”

I walked backward towards the door, grinning “Hourly updates are a given”

***

“Why are you carrying your bag so carefully?” Jana asked me curiously as I got to work

I had placed it gently on the ground in the back room with my coat, not wanting to damage the valuable contents lying inside of it.

“Seriously Jana? It’s got the book that I’ve been waiting months for”

Realisation washed over her face. I had been talking her ear off about it for a number of shifts. The amount of information she had actually been listening to and retaining would forever be a mystery, but she let me talk all the time without much judgement so that was the main thing.

“Aah ok, that makes more sense”

I pulled my apron over my head “What did you think was in there?”

She shrugged as she went back to stacking food in the display case “Judging by the way you were handling it, I thought for sure there was a bomb in there”

I shook my head at her amusedly “So your co-worker has a bomb, and you don’t do a thing to stop it? The least you could have done was taken my bag”

“We have a full shift ahead of us, Robbe” she deadpanned “Excuse me for not having much pep right now. I want to move as little as possible and retain the small amount of energy I have stored. Wrestling a bomb from you would probably take everything I had”

“Oh, come on. Shifts here aren’t that bad”

She raised her eyebrows at me “Go out all night drinking before our next shift and then tell me that again”

We both worked at a coffee shop in town. I actually quite enjoyed it. Being able to chat with people and brighten their day with coffee and cakes was a nice feeling.

Of course, it wasn’t something I wanted to do forever. Film making was my passion, the thing that I aspired to do in the future. Maybe even make some adaptations of Earthling’s books. Who knows? But, for now at least, I had to make do with making drinks.

Unlike me, Jana really did not like her job. She liked interacting with the customers, being the social butterfly she is, but the part where she actually had to serve and clean was never really something she enjoyed doing.

If I got paid every time she moaned when cleaning down the tables, there would be no need for this job. I would be rolling in money. She always claimed that it was manual labour, and she was going to sue the company for it. It did make me wonder what she thought would happen when she signed up for the job, but I never dared ask as she was always in a mood. It was best not to make things worse and just nod along.

“So, that book you have” she said “That’s the one with the mystery author, right?”

I nodded “Yep, they use a pen name. Lots of people have obviously tried to step forward and claim to be the author but the real one has yet to be revealed. If they ever will be. Fame isn’t for everyone, so I wouldn’t blame them for keeping hidden and basking silently in the glory of their writing”

“Aren’t you curious about who it is?” she asked me

“Well, yeah” I replied “I have always wondered who it is. I would love to be able to properly give my gratitude to the person that created such wonderful books… but I wouldn’t go out of my way to try and drag someone into the spotlight that doesn’t want to be there”

Many people on the internet have been trying to do exactly that. I have never understood why. Sure, you want to be the one to solve this giant question. But if it involves having to invade someone’s private life and tear down all the security and boundaries, they have built around them in order to remain anonymous, why would you want to do that?

What does revealing a random stranger’s identity add to your life? Nothing. It wouldn’t make you best friends with this person. In fact, you would probably end up as public enemy number one. Snooping in other people’s business isn’t cute, it’s creepy. Especially when they go out of their way to hide it.

The customers began flooding in. People coming in for their takeaway cups of coffee to beat away the morning tiredness. Monday’s were always especially bad. The weekend always wipes people out. Combining that with five days left of work looming over their head, a constant reminder of the seemingly never-ending week ahead of them, anyone would be exhausted.

Then, after a while, I spotted a familiar head of bleach blonde head of hair among the crowd out the corner of my eye.

“Robbe” I heard Jana hiss beside me as I continued making drinks for the awaiting customers “He’s here!”

Sander was a regular at the shop. He would always come in with an easy smile on his face and instantly brighten my day.

He was one of the most beautiful people I had ever laid my eyes on. Not only that, but he was also incredibly kind. Always dishing out compliments and making conversation with us while he patiently waited for his order. He has even defended us a couple of times when customers have been rowdy and impatient during the rush hours. Sander was just an all-round saint.

Jana knew that I had a small crush on him. I never told her outright, but she saw the way my face lit up whenever he was around and joined the dots herself.

I waited until he got to the front of the line and greeted him with a shy smile, trying not to blush like I normally did

“Hey, Robbe!” he said, grinning “How are you this morning?”

“I’m good” I squeaked “Will it be your usual, today?”

Ok, so maybe small crush was a bit of an understatement. He always seemed to make me tongue tied and act like a complete idiot. Which was a great way to act in front of someone you want to impress.

He nodded “You know me so well. Either that or I am in here too often”

“Nonsense!” Jana called to him “We love having you in here, Sander… some more than others” she muttered under breath, meaning only for me to hear it

As I was making his drink (a chocolate mocha – which was basically just a fancy coffee with chocolate, always with whipped cream on top) he leaned against the counter, making light conversation with Jana and me. He never seemed aware that we were at work and that he might be holding up the queue. Not that there were many of them at that moment. He had come just at the right time, most of the people filing out and going to their jobs.

“So, did that book come that you were talking about?” he asked me

“Um, yeah” I was surprised he remembered. I had made an offhand remark about it a few weeks back. But then, he always did seem to pick up on small details like that often “I got it this morning before I came to work. The first thing I’m going to do when I get out of here is run home to read it”

“Really?” he said, sounding faintly surprised “You are that eager to read it?”

I turned towards him, placing the steaming cup of coffee on the tray next to the croissant Jana got for him.

“Well, I’ve been waiting for it for so long… it takes priority over everything else as far as I’m concerned”

“You know Robbe” Jana said teasingly from beside me, jabbing me lightly in the side “forever a bookworm”

Sander smiled as he picked up the tray from the counter “When I come back, you’ll have to tell me how you’re finding it”

Just as I was about to reply, Jana jumped in “He’ll only have good things to say. He’s obsessed with this author, won’t shut up about them. It’s kind of annoying actually”

He smirked “Maybe I’ll have to check them out”

“You should!” I told him enthusiastically “Their works are amazing. Even if you aren’t really into reading, this person can have you drawn in with just a page of their writing”

“I don’t doubt that, I’m sure you have impeccable taste” Sander said, winking at me

He often did that but even after weeks of seeing it, I was still blown away each time. He always seemed to take my breath away without even trying.

Sander made his way over to a table, placing his tray down and taking out his small black notebook as normal. It was his daily routine and moved like clockwork every time. I don’t think there has been a single day he has come in when he hasn’t been scribbling away dedicatedly in there, pen moving furiously across the paper.

I was always curious about what he was doing in it, but never dared ask. It could be something deeply personal and private, I wouldn’t want to invade his comfort zone like that.

He was in his own world when he wrote. As soon as the book was opened it was like a protective bubble opened up around him, blocking out anyone and everything from his work. If we wanted to ask if he wanted a refill or anything else to eat, it would take a few tries to get his attention. Sander manages to block it out so easily.

Although it was a similar thing when I read. It was like escaping to another realm where nobody could reach you. Like a haven that you could take shelter in and escape from all your problems, if only for a short amount of time.

[macybeckham7]

Nine Months -Ben Chilwell

October 2019

Ben found himself in nightclub in London and because it was Halloween it was the perfect excuse for the girls to dress up as sluts. Ben couldn’t help but crinkle his nose up at some of the girls, who was practically not leaving anything to the imagination. He looked at the girls that James and Demarai invited over. His eyes roamed around and saw a girl who looked gorgeous, she was in a cow girl, wearing short shorts and knee high cow print boots.

He decided to take his chance and walk towards the girl. He felt his heart rate rise as his eyes met with hers, and she was definitely even more goodlooking up close. He offered to by her a drink which she instantly agreed. The pair talked and drank and danced and had a good time. He learned her name was YN which was the perfect name for a stunning girl like her.

James appeared and introduced himself as Ben’s ‘wing man’ which she instantly sassed that he wasn’t a good one then as he came over by himself. James making a cheeky comment about Ben bagging a cow girl because they are good at riding, which instantly made her fake gag at his awful joke.

The two of of them decided to leave the club and call it a night. They both went back to YN’s place and into bed together.

November 2019

It had been a month since Ben walked out on her the next morning as if he had never been there. The two did swap numbers and YN didn’t want to be the one to slide into his DMs. But hadn’t stopped her friends for telling her everything the guy seems to do. Whether he has got a goal for Leicester or if he has got into the England call up.

It was mid November when YN started to feel alittle funny, her friend instantly telling her to take a pregnancy test which she does was complaining all the way through. Sat on her bed with her bed friend beside her she felt like her whole world had just paused and in slow motion as she looked at the two lines that means positive she was pregnant. She felt herself getting nervous as she questioned how she was going to tell Ben. Should she even tell him?

YN was pacing outside of Wembley stadium where England played, everytime the door opened she looked like a little meerkat hoping to find Ben walking towards the coach. But nothing. He was one of the last ones out, he was laughing and joking with a brunette guy with loads of freckles covering his face and a olive skinned toned guy with a cross earring.

‘Ben’ she calls reaching out for him.

He instantly recognised her, he told the guys to go without him, his hand was in hers as he distanced them away from the fans.

‘Why did you just up and bolt?’ She mutters. ‘Was I just a quick shag for you, wasn’t I good enough?’ She rambles.

His face softens. ‘I was late, I had a meeting that day’ he explained.

She didn’t believe him. He could of left a note to tell her or even wake her up, anything was better than leaving her high and dry.

She lets out a shaky breath before handing him the test. ‘Just thought you would like to know.. I don’t want anything from you’ she says before turning hot on her heels and walking off.

He was about to chase after her but James appeared and told him to get on the bus.

December 2019

Ben was sat beside YN as she winced slightly as she felt the cold gel on her stomach. The midwife spoke to the two of them as she talked about mummy and baby classes that they could go to before the baby arrives. Asking the two whether they are going to find out what they were having or if they have any names ready. Ben noticed as she gave a blank look, he answering for her and getting the lady of their backs. The three of them looked at the monitor with a confused look as there was nothing there but the midwife knew exactly what she was looking at.

The two of them decided to go for coffee in the hospital, he walks with two hot chocolate and slides one over to her.

‘Why did you come?’ YN questions.

His brows furrow at her. ‘Because I don’t want you to go through this alone, I know this was a drunken night out and neither of us planned this but I want to be there for you and my child’ he says softly. ‘If you’ll allow me that is’ he mutters.

She nods her head slowly before sipping her drink.

‘We should start thinking of telling family’ he mutters as he sees her wince.

He held her hand before knocking on his parents door, they had already told YN’s parents and now it was time to meet the Chilwell’s. They were surprised when they saw their son wasn’t alone, as they sat around the dining table YN couldn’t help but feel awkward as they tried to find out the pretty female was to their son.

‘I’m pregnant’ she announces, before see Ben’s face scrunch up slightly wanting to announce it a little bit more delicately.

Their reacts was probably how you imagined, his mum jumped up and walked out leaving you with his sister and brother. The three of the stayed quiet as they heard them call her every name under the sun. As they left YN muttering a small ‘that couldn’t of went any more worse’.

January 2020

YN was now four months into her pregnancy and Ben was always round when he wasn’t training or at games. He started waiting on her hand and foot. He made sure that she had everything she needed in the house and catered to her craving.

The two of them had got to know each other more, wanting to have a better relationship as the two of them were always going to be connected with this little person.

The two sat on the sofa with the two bidding names that they liked.

‘Curtis?’ YN questioned.

‘Absolutely not’ Ben chuckled.

‘I like Jamie for a girl’ YN announces.

‘Jamie Chilwell’ he says slowly before they both crinkled their noses and shook their heads.

‘Saint?’ Ben suggests.

YN bursts out laughing. ‘We’re not boujee enough for that’

February 2020

Ben had told YN that she could live with him, not really wanting her living alone and being close whenever he needed him.

He had a girl round when YN came walking into the living room gushing that the baby has kicked. Ben instantly jumped up and ran towards her, his hands instantly on her growing stomach. The girl stayed sat on the sofa as she watched the two freeze as they waited for movement. There was a suddenly squeal coming from the two as Ben instantly sinks to his knees.

‘That was amazing, that was a big kick’ he gushed. ‘Practicing your free kicks buddy’ he giggles.

He has recently got in his head that the baby is a boy and started pushing his favourite names.

‘Sorry to interrupt but who is this?’ The girl spoke up.

The two looking at, suddenly remembering that they weren’t alone in and realising how weird this looked. Ben stepped away from YN and the bump as he looked awkward.

‘I’m....’ she starts.

‘My sister, she’s my sister’ he quickly cutting her off. YN raises her brows at him as he tells her to go to his bedroom and he’ll meet her in their.

The girl smiles at YN and then walks down the hall.

‘Oh will me and the bump be your cock block’ she rolls her eyes at her. ‘Wear a condom this time, don’t want to be in this mess again’ she sasses.

She sits in the kitchen alone as she hears everything the two is getting up to as she eats icecream from the tub.

March 2020

‘Are you uncomfortable?’ James instantly freaks as he sees her wince and runs her hand over her bump.

She shakes her head as she lets James guides her to sit down.

After the last month situation, they both spoke about Ben not bringing any girls back. It hurt YN even though she wouldn’t admit it, she thought they were going well, even thought they could even try to be a thing. The two of them were so alike they even started finishing eachothers sentences.

‘I need to get the nursery done’ YN groans as James doesn’t let her get up.

‘You need to take it slow’ he mutters. ‘Let Ben do it’ he says softly.

She instantly bursts into tears. ‘Where is he? He missed the scan’ she cries, as he pulls her into him.

Ben comes waltzing through the door and sees his best mate with his baby mumma, he couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Mentioning that before they jump into bed wait till this baby gets out. YN jumps up and barges past him before pushing the scan into his chest.

May 2020

The past two months James has been the middle person between YN and Ben, they have been arguing a lot more and YN has really began to hate Ben with him saying some really mean things to her. They learned that they were having a boy. Whenever YN needed something she didn’t want anything from Ben, even though he was so desperate to help. Her comeback was to go to his latest slut.

James just wishing he could just banging their heads together and tell them to act like grown ups. He knew that they will be amazing parents but they needed to get on as they were on the same team.

‘Guys the baby is coming in 2 months let’s get your shit together’ he sassed.

He looks at his friend gives him a stern look.

‘You are old enough to fuck and get pregnant, act your age’ he mutters before leaving them.

Ben lets out a small sigh before sitting beside her. Her head going to his shoulder as they start having it out with eachother.

July 2020

‘BABE!’ YN calls in a panic tone which gets Ben running towards her voice. ‘My waters-‘ she says.

He instantly starts panicking looking like a stressed sim. She held onto the sink as he panicked called his mum. He was surprised when he looked over at YN she was starting a bath. He helped her in the bath and relaxed in there and overcome a few of her contractions.

A few hours went by of YN relaxing at home and riding her contractions, Ben being completely on edge.

The Labour was a few hours and Ben instantly burst into tears as the midwife places the large baby on YN’s chest. YN let out a small crying laugh as she looks down at her little man. Ben kissing her forehead as he tells her how proud he was of her.

‘Luke James Chilwell’ YN gushes.

They both gush over the little creation they made, the last crazy nine months completely forgotten about because it was now about the next eighteen years of being the best parents to this little guy. Neither of them would of believed when they were at that Halloween party that their lives would change forever.

[nazyalenskyy-archive]

mini big bang!

written for the grishaverse mini big bang, run by @grishaversebigbang ​ 

Thanks to my other gang member’s @punchsomeoneforme-willyou ​ and @6crowgang ​ for their amazing art!! (x)  (x)

also known as i try to write crack. i also don’t know how to dye things or what the slat is like or what the van eck manor is like or if they have the word goth in grishaverse. I also don’t care. AND I don’t know how to put cuts in tumblr posts i’m very sorry.

At the time, letting Nina give out the dares had felt like a good idea. Now Jesper wasn’t sure he wanted to do any dare remotely involved with Kaz. She would have been better off getting Inej to do it, frankly. He was more suited to being a distraction – it was the charming personality no one could resist – and she was more suited to climbing into windows and sneaking around the slat. They’d been playing truth or dare and Nina’s idea – and it was brilliant – had been to dye the entirety of Kaz’s wardrobe a vibrant lime green. It would have their names written all over it of course, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t be fun.

The lime green dye, that Inej had flatly refused to tell him where she procured, was carefully balanced in his outside pockets. Due to the colour of said jacket, spilling it was hardly a catastrophe, but it might ruin the prank. With some flimsy excuses and much avoidance Jesper finally reached the room where Kaz slept. The wardrobe, he discovered as he opened it, was full of Kaz’s typical black clothing. Saints, this would be hilarious. He frowned and pulled out a jacket of Kaz’s and tossed it onto the bed. It wasn’t exactly something you were ever taught – how to put dye onto clothing. Kaz’s whole wardrobe consisted of the black tailored suits he insisted on wearing ironically to spite mercher’s or whatever. It was terribly boring in Jesper’s opinion.

He sighed and glanced at the jacket on the bed. According to Inej, you had to get a bucket of water (prepared by the Wraith herself), squirt the dye in and then the clothes followed. Inej hadn’t sounded particularly sure. Eh, there wasn’t much to lose. Pulling the dye from his pocket and unscrewing the lid, he somewhat carelessly emptied it into the bucket in front of him. The green of the dye fused seamlessly into the water, it looked like magic. Maybe it was. He hoped Inej could keep Kaz distracted for long enough, and dropped the first piece of clothing in. At this point he was stuck, again. Did you just leave the clothing in there? Take it out instantly? Who could say? Staring at it was unfortunately not going to yield him any answers.

He was pretty sure he’d heard somewhere you were supposed to stir it too, but there wasn’t exactly anything to use. In the end, deciding he’d get the job done a bit quicker if he did three garments at a time, he just left each in for ten minutes. The first set didn’t look all too bad. Aside from the fact they were soaking (Jesper had hung them up on hangers in various places on the top floor of the slat which was still mercifully quiet), they definitely looked like some form of green. After an hour of somewhat boring dyeing of clothes Jesper was satisfied Kaz had nothing left in his wardrobe that wasn’t at least a little bit green. The boredom would be worth it for the look on his face, which Jesper would be preferably seeing from a distance.

Grinning, he made to leave but instantly stopped in his tracks. There were footsteps. Kaz. Followed by laughter. Not Kaz. He breathed a sigh of relief and popped his head around the door.

“Inej?” He frowned as she and Nina reached the top of the stairs and  slid past him into the room holding arms full of red and purple dye. “Nina?”

“We thought we should help,” Inej said, casting a pitying look at Kaz’s room. “But it looks like you have it covered.” Her eyes caught onto one of Kaz’s suits, which was now drying and proving to be a very neon shade of green, and she burst out laughing. “He’s going to me so mad.” Jesper and Nina both snorted.

“I would have liked to see him in a pink suit too,” Jesper mused, eyeing the dye Nina was holding. He scanned the room for something else to dye and found the stack of paper on Kaz’s desk. Nina grinned.

“Anyone know how to dye paper?” she queried and went over to the stack. They did not, but the concept of Kaz sending all his letters and memos and doing his paperwork on bright pink paper was far too much of an opportunity to pass up. So they could at least try.

Nina tried squirting the dye on the paper. It didn’t go well. Inej just dropped it straight in the bucket. That didn’t yield much either. It was finally Jesper who tried using the sink and slowly dipping the paper into the dye. It truly was vibrant pink. Brilliant.

“Pink paper is the only proper way to send threatening correspondence,” Nina remarked approvingly. Jesper turned to Inej, but she was gone. All that was left were a set of purple footprints where she’d been.

“Oh saints, Nina,” He pointed to them, and for a moment considered being concerned. But honestly, it just added to the joke. With a glance at his own shoes he realised they were coated in the garish green paint he’d begun with.

“You know,” She said slowly, eyebrow raised, “This, this could definitely be exploited.” Both red and pink dye was very abundantly on the side of Nina’s boots. They were not experts in cautiousness, clearly. She ran out the room and back in, leaving reddish footprints in her wake. The wooden floor of the slat was in dire need of a spruce up.

The two of them followed Inej’s purple footprints down the trailing stairs, and Jesper couldn’t help but wonder why she’d left. Then it hit him.

“If you and Inej are here, who’s distracting Kaz?” He frowned, Nina looked a little guilty.

“We didn’t want to miss all the fun.” She admitted.

“It's hardly fun! I was not especially good at that dying business. It's more complicated than it looks. And it took me ages.” He grumbled.

“Sorry,” She muttered. “But that’s a good point. No one is distracting Kaz.”

“Brilliant.”

They reached the bottom of the stairs, and Jesper couldn’t resist a glance back at the stairs, now coated in gaudy dyes. Anika was leaning against the wall ahead of them, a very confused look on her face. Jesper merely grinned, and Nina put a finger to her lips. Jesper barely had time to blink, before Inej slid soundless around the corner and stood in front of them.

“Kaz is on his way back. Closet.” She said quickly. Then glanced at the floor. “Actually, run around a bit first.”

So, looking undoubtably extremely stupid, they began do run in circles around the floor. It was coated in multicolour by the time Inej finally usher them towards the closet that Jesper wasn’t entirely sure was supposed to be there.

“Go on! He’ll be here soon. It will be boring if he sees us before the rest of it.”

Jesper looked warily at the closet. It didn’t look like all three of them would fit.

“Please just get in the closet.”

“Oh not again,” He muttered before he could stop himself. Inej pulled the door shut from the inside, somehow, and Jesper had been right. It was a little left of comfort. Not that he would have wanted to be anywhere else the moment Kaz walked through that door. The look on his face, which Jesper could just about see between the doors of the closet, was priceless.

“What the fuck?” Kaz spluttered. It was all Jesper could do to not burst out laughing. Kaz began to angrily head towards the stairs, and by the time he was halfway up, Inej, Jesper and Nina had slipped away into Ketterdam.

***

They’d been out for waffles, as a celebration for their hard work. None of them could be bothered to go back to the Van Eck Manor straight away, and well, this was fun.

“Maybe we should have painted the bedsheets in the shape of a waffle,” Nina mused, as she finished second plate. Inej glanced at the various plates that had once had waffles on them scattered across the table.

“Maybe, but I think eating them is more fun.” Nina nodded in agreement.

“What do you think he’ll do?” Jesper mused.

“He’ll either not speak to us for a week, or Inej’s boat and your house will be bright orange by the time we get back. It’s a toss up.” Nina shrugged.

“I could live with the house being orange. Not sure what Wylan would think…”

“I could build a brand out of an orange boat,” Inej added.

“Not exactly scary though is it. Not instilling fear into the hearts of your enemies. Oh dear god, here comes the fearsome captain Inej Ghafa and her orange boat.” Jesper snorted.

“Hey!” Inej protested, snatching a waffle from his plate. “I’m plenty scary enough myself.”

“You sure are, that was my waffle!”

“Care to steal it back?” She smirked, taking a bit. He did not.

They probably kept the waffle place open past the closing time, and by the time they trudged back to manor sometime that evening, Nina’s predictions were almost true.

Wylan stood outside the manor, arms folded and a sceptical look on his face. He looked quite cute if you asked Jesper, if a little annoyed. The manor looked fine from the outside. Same as it always was.

“Did you think it would be funny to provoke Kaz so much that I return home to an entirely different coloured house?” He grumbled as they approached.

“I feel like I’m being berated by a puppy,” Nina remarked and Wylan glared at her.

“Oh come on merchling, it can’t be that bad?” Jesper raised an eyebrow, but the look on Wylan’s face suggested otherwise. To be fair, he’d made a similar face when Jesper had been trailing green around the house that morning.

“Kaz has Gothified the house,” Wylan retorted, pushing open the door. Jesper blinked incredulously. The entire thing was a strange shade of black grey that completely sucked the colour out of it. Again trailing green footprints around the place, he dashed through the house. Room after room was the same. Hell, even the food was dyed. Or painted. Whatever this was.

It would have been funny, if it wouldn’t be so bloody hard to undo.

“How did he manage this?” Nina was saying incredulously as he returned. “We were only gone a few hours.” Inej looked smug.

“What did you do Wraith?” Jesper asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously at her.

“A magician never reveals their secrets. Kaz won’t, and nor will I,” She retorted smugly. Behind him, he heard Wylan snort.

“You complained when I put a few footprints in the house this morning,” Jesper protested. “Now the whole house is painted.”

“Well, you could put them in now. It might add character.” Even Jesper had to snort at that. He glanced at the black bucket of dye left outside the door, and he could have sworn he’d heard a click of Kaz’s cane in the distance.

“Very subtle,” he muttered, shaking his head.

“This is insane,” Nina said pointedly to Inej.

“Maybe so,” The smaller girl said, but she was grinning.

Behind them, Jesper heard a muttered “Demjin.”

He didn’t know where Matthias had come from, but maybe this time he was right.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

addiction, m | ksj ending

pairing(s): seokjin x reader, mentions of past hoseok x reader

summary: Kim Seokjin goes through anger, fear, and inappropriate arousal and, quite frankly, he’s not sorry about it (well, he is a little sorry). It’s a roller coaster.

warnings: non-idol!AU; in which everyone makes bad choices; slow burn; rated M (18+) for language, mentions of drug use, mentions of depression and suicidal thoughts, violence, mentions of past cheating, smut (a little bit of a praise kink, cowgirl, repeated orgasms)

--

The air itself was tense.

He paced the front hallway after forcing the guards to make themselves scarce. He wasn’t wearing his tie and his blazer was somewhere in the house. That left him in his black suit pants and dark blue dress shirt, sleeves rolled up. If he was in his right mind, he would have cleaned himself up, perhaps made himself look less agitated as he waited.

You shouldn’t have let her go, Seokjin.

He was scolding himself. He should have trusted his instincts, but instead he let her go. He checked his phone again and there was the feed of the camera showing her leaving her house.

Moments before, he had the urge to call her suddenly, practically growling his instructions.

“Get your ass over here now and bring the week’s supply. All of it.”

He wasn’t even sure she was going to listen to him. But she was leaving her apartment. He shouldn’t have installed that camera outside her apartment, but he also didn’t give a single shit. He needed the peace of mind. He needed it.

He knew how selfish he was. Childish even. He knew it was wrong, all of it. He shouldn’t have kept her around after what happened to Hoseok. He shouldn’t have guilted her into staying a runner. He shouldn’t order her not to be touched, he shouldn’t touch her himself, and he shouldn’t, for fuck’s sake, give her continued access to cocaine.

But he did.

He rubbed his forehead, taking a deep breath. He knew he wasn’t a nice man. Maybe it was how he grew up – privileged and the youngest. Always fawned on and treasured. He had no cares in the world. He thought he could have whatever he wanted because money brought everything. And when money didn’t, well, emotions could be manipulated.

He knew he was deplorable. But none of that stopped him.

She wasn’t an addict. Fuck, she practically hated substances now. He knew she kept doing what he asked because she wanted to watch over her customers, wanting to check up on them even if it was to be the next dose. Seokjin knew how twisted that was. A drug dealer who cares because she couldn’t talk them out of the habit. She couldn’t stop them but maybe she could control their dose. And that was fucked up and he let it continue because he wanted to see her, even if she low-key hated his guts.

He really was the worst.

She was supposed to be his. But then she had met Hoseok, friend of a friend, and everything went to shit. He took the scraps he could get. He wasn’t proud of it. He made her do things sometimes when Hoseok was craving it really bad. Memories she probably buried so deep so she couldn’t remember them. And then Hoseok didn’t come to him one time, just once, and everything got even shitter, if possible.

He thought he could live like that. He thought he could continue being like that.

But this time was different. This time he could feel it. He didn’t know what she could do, but there was something different in her eyes this time. He hadn’t counted on that. He hadn’t counted on maybe, just maybe, she would stop this cycle herself.

He scowled, pacing more intensely now. Even now, he was sure of it. She didn’t like to admit it, but he knew her well and saw through her feeble attempts to hide her emotions. He had ignored it, but, of course, it steadily got worse. Each time he saw her, it was like a little more of her died inside. He thought she would get over it. She was a strong person. He had always admired that. Perhaps strong wasn’t the right word. Stubborn.

He punched the wall and growled. The pain felt like nothing compared to the heightening fear inside him. A fear he veiled in anger, the only way he knew how to deal with it.

The knock on the door was sharp.

It cut him out of his thoughts. A few swift strides and he practically ripped the door open. She was breathing hard through the black face mask, cheeks red from running. Grey sweatshirt and long grey shorts. He remembered that outfit. For once, however, her hands were bare. She had forgotten to wear her usual black gloves. She always wore them because she did not like handling the product directly. Fingerprints and shit like that. She looked surprised to see him opening the door.

Without greeting, he grabbed the front of the sweatshirt and dragged her inside, slamming the front door and locking it.

“Seokjin, what the–”

He shoved her into the wall, knocking the wind out of her. She gasped, head hitting the wall and seeing stars.

“Did you fucking bring it?”

“Fucking hell,” she swore, trying to blink her eyesight straight. “Yes, I brought it, you–”

He shoved her up the wall, taking the face mask off her roughly. He stared into her eyes, which were looking in every direction, getting back into focus. He checked her lips, her nose.

“Seokjin, are you trying to kill me? Fucking shit,” she groaned, shaking her head.

“Do I need to try if you were planning on doing it yourself?” he growled.

The air seemed to drop by ten degrees. Shock, and then shame flitted across her expression. She wasn’t looking at him. She opened her mouth to say something but he cut her off.

“Lie to me. I fucking dare you.”

She closed her mouth and swallowed. Then she looked up at him. A little bloodshot. Focused and so dark that it ate him up inside seeing that. There was brightness there once. Life.

“Give it to me.”

He held one hand out but the other didn’t let go of her sweatshirt. Wordlessly, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a folded handkerchief. She opened it in his hand. There it was. The packet of cocaine and a bottle of pills. The bottle rolled off his hand and fell to the floor, but he ignored it. He was looking at the plastic bag.

“You opened it.”

“I put it back,” she shot back.

He slammed his fist into her sternum, making her gasp painfully. “How much did you take?”

She suddenly shoved him, tone rising in rage. “I said I put it back, you asshole!”

He threw the packet at her, missing and hitting the wall. “Did you now? Suddenly a good girl?” he mocked, eyes narrowing.

“Fuck you, Seokjin! I’m not a fucking addict like you!”

Unfazed, he raised a finger, pointing at her. “At least I’m not addicted to actively punishing myself mentally and physically over nothing.”

“Nothing?” she hissed, slapping his finger away and shoving him again. “Nothing? You fucking cold-hearted, greedy shit, always acting high and mighty,” she shouted, clenching her fists. “As if you fucking know. As if you would ever have a clue what it was like to be in love.”

“I know,” he scowled. “I watched you and Hoseok frolic around until the end.”

“You–” She tried to slap him, but he dodged out of the way. She glared and turned around, obviously intending to head out. He grabbed her arm and dragged her back.

“Let me go,” she snapped, trying to punch him but he caught her hand in mid-air, squeezing it uncomfortably.

“You know you can’t actually land a hit on me unless I let you.” His voice was low, dangerous.

She stopped struggling and just glowered at him, clenching her jaw. “What are you going to do? Keep me prisoner?”

“Maybe I should. Prevents you from doing anything stupid.”

She was breathing hard. He was much bigger and stronger than she was. His broad shoulders towered over her, and his grip was tight and unrelenting. She changed her tone.

“Why do you care?” She narrowed her eyes. “Can’t have your precious runner die on you?”

He scoffed. “I have many more, better runners who service many more customers than you.”

“Then why does it matter?” she challenged. “I’m just a pawn in your game. Just let me die in peace.”

His blood ran cold. She cemented the worst with those words.

“You’re so caught up in Hoseok’s death that you think about nothing else,” he breathed through gritted teeth.

Her dark eyes flashed. “And why does that matter? You couldn’t give two shits Hoseok died. It only meant I wasn’t going to suck your dick or let you finger fuck me in an alley anymore.”

“You’re an idiot.”

Her eyes widened at the sharp retort. He was staring at her with a mixture of fury and despair.

“Your head is so far up your ass you didn’t even think to look around you.” He released her suddenly, pushing her away from him. “You think I don’t know what love is?” he asked, voice breaking a little as she looked at him, mouth open in shock. He huffed, shaking his head. “I love you. I always have, from the moment I saw you. You can stand there and deny it all you want, but you know it’s true.” He sighed, frowning. “But then you met Hoseok and you instantly fell in love with him. And, shit, Hoseok was a great guy. What was I supposed to do? Not let the women I love be happy?”

“You… you made me do all kinds of sexual favors for you,” she sputtered.

He raised an eyebrow. “And? You were begging for cocaine to feed your boyfriend’s bad habits. You think I would let you have that for free without benefiting off of it?” He chuckled, half in disbelief and half in his own shame. “Are you a saint? You were poisoning my friend right in front of my fucking face.” He cocked his chin at her. “It’s not like you were poor. You have money. You did it anyway.”

Her lips trembled. She looked from the ground to the wall and then to him. “B-but…”

“I should have stopped you both,” he continued, sighing again. “I should have cut him off and I should have made you break up with him. I saw where it was going.” He ran his fingers through his hair, dismayed. “I should have done something. Maybe he wouldn’t be dead. Maybe you wouldn’t be like this.”

“I… I haven’t changed.”

“Haven’t changed?” he snorted disbelievingly. “You’re a shell of a person. You live in Hoseok’s shadow, trapping yourself in there.” He took her by the shoulders and shook her. “Wake up.”

She lifted her head, dark orbs to his. It hurt him to see her like this. It hurt him to know it was partially his fault. Maybe he couldn’t stop her one day in the future. Maybe one day he would be too late and then he would turn into her. Pure apathy, navigating life but not caring for it.

Her head fell. They both knew they had made terrible choices. He exhaled and placed his forehead on top of her head, closing his eyes. Her hair smelled good, a gentle herbal scent.

“Please… I don’t want you to die,” he whispered. The emotion was seeping into his voice, anger dissipating into sadness. It was hurting him so much. He never told her because he didn’t want to burden her with his sorrows too. But he couldn’t stop it now. The walls he made to protect her were cracking, one by one.

“Seokjin…” The way she said his name was shattering his heart. So empty and miserable. “I want to see him.”

“I know,” he murmured, forcing his tears back. “I do too.”

There was a silence. Enough of a moment for Seokjin to collect himself and steady his emotions. He had to be strong. He had to support her.

“You didn’t really mean it, right?” she quietly asked. “When you said you loved me.”

“It wasn’t past tense, Moon.”

She pulled her head back and looked up at him, staring into his brown eyes. He had no lies to tell. He gazed back, smiling just a little.

“I thought I was obvious,” he teased gently. He wasn’t proud of being an absolute dick and taking advantage of her. He knew he was overtly flirtatious, but he also knew there were lines he couldn’t cross. He wasn’t going to try and pursue a relationship when he knew she didn’t want it. It didn’t make his feelings go away though. It didn’t matter who he fucked or who wanted him. The end result was always the same.

It was pathetic, he knew.

She bit her lip, frowning. “You could have forced me to be with you.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “Contrary to your opinion of me, I wouldn’t do that to Hoseok or to you.”

“Yet… you kissed me at that time.”

His lips pursed. “I make mistakes too.” With a heavy sigh, he took a step back, smiling sadly at her. His hands left her shoulders, slowly, one by one. For the longest time, he had wanted her by his side, always. For the longest time, he had wanted her to stay with him, always. But this time, he felt defeated. This time, he didn’t feel like getting his way.

“It’s time for me to let you go,” he said, smiling at her, crushing his own heart with his own words, smashing it into tiny pieces and praying for them to never come back together. He gestured to the door and turned away from her. He couldn’t save her, no matter how hard he tried. The only thing he could do was stay away from her and keep the drugs out of her reach. He reached down and plucked the packet and the bottle from the floor. What started it all. Just some stupid white powder. He shoved it in his pocket, closing his eyes.

What was I thinking?

“We had fun, didn’t we?” he murmured, more to himself.

“Seokjin.”

Fingers suddenly grasped the sleeve of his dress shirt. Pull away. He bit his lip. He had to be strong. He had to pull away. But he hesitated all the same.

“Please don’t.”

The words came out of his mouth before he could stop them. “Don’t what, my darling?”

She didn’t reprimand him this time. He felt her walk around him, standing in front of him. He couldn’t open his eyes. Don’t look. He knew he would fall apart if he looked.

“Don’t let go.”

She pressed her lips to his, softly. He felt his resolve crack. He opened his eyes, only a little. Her eyes were closed, brows furrowed as she feverishly kissed him. After his lack of reaction, she broke apart from him, looking up at him with questioning eyes.

“I have to.” To his surprise, his voice was weak, wavering. He had never been so scared in his entire life. “I’m a cold-hearted, greedy shit, remember?”

She frowned at her own words being repeated back to her. “I’m sorry I said that.”

His lips curved upwards ever so slightly. “You shouldn’t be. It’s true, after all.”

She chewed on her lower lip, looking down as she twisted her hands at her stomach. “But you still tried to help me. Even though I always refused it.”

Against his better judgement, he reached out and lifted her head with his fingers. He rubbed his thumb against her chin.

“I had to keep trying for my Moon.”

Her lips parted. She tried to kiss him again, but he turned his hand and pressed on her chest gently, preventing her.

“You don’t need to do that anymore to get what you want,” he said quietly. His smile didn’t reach his eyes, but he smiled anyway.

The eyes that looked at him – those dark, dark eyes – full of an emotion he didn’t understand. She was looking at him, deep into his exposed soul, seeing all of him.

“If what I want…” she whispered, lips brushing against his thumb. “If what I want is you, right now, would you say no?”

He should say no. He should refuse and walk away. But he knew his answer and he was sure that she had found him out already.

“I wouldn’t.”

If he could look into those eyes forever, he would. If he could freeze this moment forever, he would. But nothing was forever. He knew that and she knew that.

Her tongue slid out from between her lips and licked his thumb tentatively. He pulled his hand back swiftly, swallowing thickly.

“Don’t pretend for my sake,” he warned. “Don’t give me false hope.”

Maybe it was a joke. Maybe she didn’t really mean it. In the end, he was weak when it came to her. In the end, he gave in. He couldn’t refuse. When he was so drunk that he couldn’t see straight anymore, she was the reason he made himself throw it back up. When he was high as a kite, drifting into nothingness, the only thing he couldn’t forget was her. She was the one he dreamed of at night. When there was only darkness, she was the moonlight. She was the reason to keep going.

She reached out and wrapped her hands around his. “I want you, Seokjin. Show me how much you love me.”

He pulled her to him, making her stumble into him. He crashed his lips into hers, kissing her fully. He shoved his tongue into her mouth, pressing it against hers. It was messy and rough, almost as if they were back at that time. Back at those parties, drunkenly making out, not really knowing what was going on. He let go of her hands and wrapped them around her waist, lifting her up easily. She wrapped her legs around his waist and continued kissing him, sucking on his tongue the way he liked. He moaned into her mouth, walking them to the room. The room they had been in so many times before, but for different reasons. Her sucked on her lower lip, nipping on it softly. She pulled away, kissing his cheeks and jaw, tongue lacing around his earlobe. He shuddered, opening the door and feeling her suck on it softly. His hands held her tightly as he fell onto the black leather sofa with her on top of him.

“Here?” she mumbled, chuckling.

“Look, this is a big house and walking to a bedroom is going to take at least ten minutes,” he growled, squeezing her ass playfully.

“Next time, then,” she said, making his heart skip two beats.

She kissed down his neck, nipping at the sensitive skin. Her fingers fumbled with the small buttons of his dress shirt.

“For fuck’s sake, rip it open,” he complained.

She laughed a little. He was seriously going to have a heart attack from the arrhythmia she was giving him. “You’re too rich,” she commented, before she hooked her fingers between the folds and ripped the shirt open, causing buttons to fly everywhere and clatter to the floor.

“I’m horny; there’s a difference,” he retorted, yanking the shirt out of his pants himself.

She paused, eyes going down his toned chest. She could see his scars, some she knew, some she didn’t. Her fingers traced them, running down his skin, setting it afire. The shirt slid down his arms, and he lifted his arms out of it. It was useless now anyway.

She kissed his chest, her soft lips like a dream. Her tongue traced the contours of his muscle, hands pressed against his sides. As she kissed down, the hands slid up his broad back. He bit his lip and laid his head back. Down, down, kissing his belly button lightly, then down to the edge of his pants. She spread his legs, nuzzling his crotch. His erection strained against his clothes and she pressed her nose against it, breathing on it.

“Fucking shit…”

She came back up, a sly smile on her face. She straddled his lap, having to spread her legs even more to accommodate him.  He could feel her inner thighs, the heat positioned right above his cock. She rolled her hips into him, pressing her heat against his stiffness.

He groaned, hands gripping the hem of her sweatshirt. He pulled it up and over her head, tossing it onto the marble table. Another second and he had unhooked the black bra. She shrugged out of it, letting it fall to the floor. Her nice round breasts, nipples sticking straight out at him. He cupped them in his hands and ran his tongue over them, flicking a nipple and earning a soft moan. He sucked on them greedily, lapping up their taste, intoxicated. She gripped his shoulders for balance, panting his name.

“Seokjin… ah…”

He pressed his thumbs against them, rubbing them roughly. “Are you my good girl?” he murmured, watching her come undone with his touch. “Are you all mine?” He pinched them and she gasped, grinding her hips into him.

“Yes, Seokjin,” she breathed, nails digging into his shoulders.

He smiled, slowly letting her go. “You have to take off your clothes then, so I can reward you,” he ordered, lightly pushing her off him. She hooked her fingers on the side of her shorts, but he stopped her, twirling his finger with a smirk.

“Turn around first.”

She gave him a look but he simply grinned. Turning around, she pulled the shorts and her underwear down together, exposing her ass and pussy as she bent down. His lips parted seeing her sex glisten with arousal. He hadn’t expected it, even now. She turned back around, frowning as she saw him with his pants still on.

“Too busy to take yours off too?’ she chided, reaching over to unzip his pants.

He smirked. “It’s a good view.”

She was about to yank his pants down but he stopped her, reaching into his other pocket to pull out his wallet. She raised an eyebrow. He took out the condom and placed it beside him before wiggling out of his underwear and pants.

“And here I thought you were going to pull out some money,” she pouted childishly.

He chuckled. “You can have my card any time you want, my love.”

He took her hand and cupped it around his cock, exhaling in satisfaction as she touched him. He had missed this, selfishly. They have never had sexual encounters with all of their clothes off. It was always a spur of the moment, an impulse they craved. She stroked him, but he kept his hand around hers, dictating the pace.

“I can go faster than this,” she said.

“Oh, I know,” he replied, sighing in bliss. “But I have more work to do, so I’m not trying to blow my load in five seconds.”

“What about me?” she asked, lifting her leg and tilting her hips towards him. It was one of the sexiest things he had ever seen, her dripping pussy facing him, wanting him.

He let her hand go, hesitantly. “Okay, okay. Get on top of me.”

He rolled the condom onto his cock as she climbed on top, positioning herself above him. Once he was finished, he held it in place as she sank down on him. Slowly. So hot, so wet, her muscles clenching around him, sucking him in. He clenched his teeth. He had only been inside her a few times. Only when Hoseok was really passed out and wouldn’t hear them. Because he couldn’t contain himself knowing his cock was filling her up, feeling her muscles tighten around him, pulsing. It felt so good. He reached up and placed his hand around her waist, positioning her so his cock was touching that spot she liked, making her moan and throw her head back as he thrust into it lightly.

“That’s it, that’s my good girl,” he breathed. “You can take what I’m going to give you, can’t you?”

She knew what he meant. “Y-yes, Seokjin.”

Fuck, he loved it when she said his name so breathlessly like that. “Hold on, my darling.”

She looped her arms around his shoulders and he slammed his hips into her. She gasped at his forcefulness, but there was so time to collect herself as he thrust into her, bouncing her up and down on his cock, letting gravity sink her back down. She cried out, biting her lip hard as he pounded her, muffling them. He called her name, making her look down at him.

“Let me hear you,” he panted. “Scream my name.”

He thrust into her, hard, making her yelp and throw her head back.

“S-Seokjin, fuck!”

“Too rough?” he mocked, ramming into her while pulling her down on him.

Her nails dug into his shoulders. “Fuck, fuck, Seokjin, whatever you want,” she gasped, “You know you can do whatever you want to me.”

“Yeah?” He rolled his hips, hitting that sweet spot. She moaned his name, dragging it out as he continued. “Squeeze my cock with that delicious pussy of yours. Cum all over it.”

He felt her muscles contract around him and he had to chomp down on his tongue to avoid losing it right then and there. He had to make her orgasm multiple times first. He had to. He stopped, pulling her up so only the tip was inside her. She whined, trying to wiggle back down.

He reached between her legs and found her clit, rubbing it. She gasped, her eyes rolling back into her head as he pinched it, causing her walls to clench and liquid gush down his cock, coating it with wet stickiness.

“F-fuck, Seokjin!”

He grinned, letting her sink back down, but still rubbing her clit. She clung onto him, rocking her hips into his hand as he continued his assault on her clit. He ran his nail over it and she wailed, pussy gripping him tightly as waves of pleasure racked through her, clenching his cock in her warm vice.

“That’s my good girl,” he whispered softly in her ear. He removed his hand and she shuddered, her swollen clit rubbing against him as he pressed his hips against hers.

“It’s going to be even better now,” he purred. He lifted her again and began a slow pace, dragging her clit against his skin each time he went down, earning a whine of pleasure each time.

“Seokjin, y-you’re crazy,” she panted, her body shaking in his hands.

“Crazy for your body,” he grinned, thrusting into her harder. She groaned, both at the response and his movements. Each time her body shuddered and he felt her become wetter, he increased his pace, harder, faster. Her pussy throbbed around him.

“M-more, Seokjin, fuck… fuck me up,” she pleaded, meeting his pace.

He couldn’t take much more. Her head thrown back, her breasts bouncing in his face, her completely fucked out expression and her pussy pulsating around him. So hot, so wet, so tight. He felt the familiar sensation tightening inside him. He thrust harder, giving it all he had. He breathed her name.

“Look at me.”

She did, pupils blown wide, devoured in pleasure that was all him, him fucking her senseless, him filling her up with his cock, him making her weak.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

He came with a cry, slamming her down on his cock as it shot into the condom. His cock twitched inside her. He shut his eyes, moaning as he felt her pussy squeezing him, milking every last drop uselessly. Her head fell against his shoulder, her heavy breathing against his ear. He shivered. He was wet, sticky, and absolutely filthy. It was amazing.

“You have to get up, my love,” he whispered, exhausted.

He reached down and held the condom as she winced, pulling off of him. His cock slid out and smacked him in the thigh. He was surprised he was still semi-hard after all that.

She slid down next to him. She had never sat down next to him before, not in this room. His heart thudded in his chest and not from the afterglow.

“Seokjin…”

“… Yes?”

“Can we at least find a bed to sleep?”

--

masterpost

[hearteyesmarsh]

Take Me to Church

summary: Some part of Richie knows that no amount of prayer can change things, but at least he can try 

pairing: stozier 

warning: internalized homophobia, kinda angsty

word count: 2k

a/n: omg the way this fic dragged me through the mud with how many times i had to rewrite it is insane...but i hope you like it <3

Richie knew that it was wrong...he knew that these feelings were disgusting. No matter how many times his parents or friends told him that they weren’t. The voices in his head were louder than his friends and family could ever be.

This is why as soon as he realized he had feelings for his best friend, he ran home and prayed. He fell to his knees and prayed for God to take these sinful, nasty feelings away. He didn’t want to be a sinner, he didn’t want to go to Hell. So, he prayed all night long until his parents found him in the morning. 

He went to church every time there was a service. He stayed behind after every service to pray at the altar. He went to the priests and asked them to pray over him, help him become holy again, help cleanse his soul. He wanted more than anything to be clean again.

He avoided Stan with everything in him; he stopped sitting with the losers at lunch, stopped hanging with them after school, he even took a different, longer route to his classes to avoid bumping into him. He thought that maybe if he didn’t talk to him he couldn’t keep the feelings. That's how it works, right?

Stan had never been so confused in his life. Why was his best friend, the boy he had known since he was five, avoiding him like his life depended on it?

Well in Richie’s eyes, his life did depend on it. He was too scared to spend an eternity in Hell, that place was for dirty sinners and he was not a sinner. 

Stan’s worry and curiosity got the better of him. He knew that it probably wasn't the smartest idea but he had to make sure Richie was okay. 

So that day after school, he went to the Tozier residence and knocked exactly three times on the door. He counted exactly 33 seconds and held his hand up to knock again but Maggie Tozier opened the door, worry evident on her face.

“Hey, Stanley…” She smiles, her eyes softening when she sees Stan. “Are you here to see Richie?”

Stan nods, his heart in his throat “Yes ma'am… I just want to make sure he’s okay.” His voice is wavy and unsure and as soon as he hears it he wants to say forget it and go back home.

Maggie pauses, pursing her lips to the side. “I’m sorry, Stan, but you just missed him. He came in the house for a split second to put his backpack down then he left.” She already knew where her son went, the same place he had been going after school for the past two months. She considered telling Stan where he went but hesitated, wondering if it would only make Richie feel worse.

She knew all about her son's internalized homophobia. She heard him as he prayed all night, she noticed how quickly he would change the subject if she or Wentworth brought up his group of friends. She especially noticed how he flinched something terrible if he saw a gay couple holding hands as they walked down the street, it didn’t take her long to figure out what was going on in. Sometimes she wished she could just flick the side of his head and send the thoughts flying out of the other. 

Stan frowns. “Oh okay, thank you, Mrs. Tozier,” he does a sharp turn on his heel after Maggie gives him a soft hum and shuts the door.  “Where in the world is Richie Tozier?’ is the question Stan wants to ask, but he has a feeling he already knows the answer. 

One short bike ride later and Stan is standing in front of what he’s sure is the oldest building in Derry, Saint Peter Catholic Church. He sets his bike on its kickstand and slowly walks to the large, red doors. A small part of him is hoping that his feeling is wrong and he’s not gonna see Richie at the altar. He peeks his head through the door and scans the awfully large sanctuary. His grip on the door tightens when he sees a familiar set of unruly curls. He steps inside completely and he can’t help but to shut and open the door two more times, cringing at the loud creaking noise. He takes a deep breath and slowly walks down the aisle until he’s standing beside the crouched boy.

He debates if he should sit on the ground, only the lord knows the last time it was cleaned, but decides his friend is more important than getting his khaki shorts dirty. Stan falls to his knees and turns his head to look at Richie. He just sits for a couple of minutes, listening to the mumbled words fall from Richie’s mouth. His throat is dry and his heart is aching as he ponders if he should say anything. He swallows hard and looks straight ahead, eyes glancing over the stained glass portraits of the Catholic saints. “Richie?” He questions, his voice shaking.  

Richie’s heart drops in his chest when he hears the voice, but he should’ve known who it was. Who else would open and close the door three times? He doesn’t look at Stan, he can’t or he’ll be hooked all over again.

Stan sighs. “Richie, I want to help you. I can't help you if you don’t help me though. Can you tell me what's wrong?” He knew what was wrong, he knew what was wrong as soon as he walked into the room and saw Richie praying. 

He had been in that situation before. He remembers how he would read his Torah ten times a month. He remembers asking YHWH to forgive him for his transgressions.  He remembers feeling disgusting and those days when he couldn’t even look in the mirror. Eventually, he came to terms with himself. He knew that he wasn’t disgusting and he wasn't abnormal. He was Stan a gay, Jewish boy, and that was perfectly fine.

When Richie still hasn’t answered, Stan decides to fill the silence. “I’ve been in your shoes, Rich, it’s nothing wrong with being gay. You are not disgusting and you are not going to Hell.” 

Richie knows that Stan is right, but a part of him can’t believe him. He had been taught his whole life that homosexuality was a sin, why would that change now? 

“I get it, Rich, I really do,” Stan whispers, now turning to face Richie completely. He carefully takes Richie’s clasped hands and pulls them towards his chest. “It’s hard accepting yourself after being told your whole life that you’re a sin after you’ve only heard one thing you’re whole life and that ‘gay people are going to Hell.’ But that's not true, its nothing...absolutely nothing wrong with being gay.” Stan sees how Richie's body is slowly relaxing, so he continues. “The people in this town are close minded and ignorant if anything they’re in the wrong. You’re an incredibly sweet, caring person. You’re not going to hell because you like boys and you may not believe me, but it's true.”

Stan’s speech seems to work because it gets Richie to finally look at Stan, finally look at the boy he was slowly falling in love with. As soon as Richie’s eyes meet Stan’s he feels the world fall apart around him and he finds himself crying-no sobbing. “I don’t want to be dirty anymore, Stan. I'm not a sinner! I’m not!” 

Stan instantly pulls him into his arms, running his fingers through his hair. “I know you’re not Richie, I know you’re not. You’re gonna be okay, maybe not today, but you’ll be okay.” Stan whispers, and he knows that’s all he can do right now. 

Stan doesn’t know how long they’ve been sitting here but he knows his legs have fallen asleep and his wrist is cramping up from constantly running his hand up and down Richie’s back. He tries his best to comfort the older boy, but he knows that it probably isn’t doing any good. Stan is terrified that someone is going to walk in on them, he knows that the reaction to one boy crying in the arms of another isn’t pretty. “Richie,” Stan sighs, gently pushing Richie’s face back so they’re eye to eye. “Please talk to me, I’m not here to judge you. I just want to help,” he uses the pad of his thumbs to wipe Richie’s wet cheeks. 

Richie hiccups and it takes everything in him not to push Stan away, run away, and never look back. He knows that he won’t get anything out of it except more pain. “Help me, Stan, please. I just wanna be okay again,” Richie pleads, his heart is racing and he has an impossibly tight grip on Stan’s wrists. “Why do I feel these things, how do I know if I’m…..” Richie trails off, and Stan can hear him gulp. “Gay,” the word feels like acid in his mouth. “You felt like this too, right? How did you get over it? How did you get them to stop?  ”

Stan shakes his head. He had told Richie that maybe he liked this boy in their history class, but quickly retracted the statement and started dating Patty Blum in their algebra class to prove that he didn’t like boys. “I- the feelings never went away Richie, they’ll never go away. They only get stronger.” He watches Richie’s face pale. “It’s not a bad thing, you get used to it eventually. It just takes some time...and support.” He remembers crying to his mom as she comforted him, reminding him that she will always love him no matter what. 

“How did you know Stan? Who was it?” Richie starts shaking again, his mind and heart racing as if they were trying to win a race. How should he be handling this situation? Should he let his emotions lead him or should he try to stay logical and do what he was taught is right? He stares Stan in his face and when he sees the tears building behind his eyes, he’s instantly taken aback. The most put together, stoic person he knows was sitting in front of him about to cry, and that scared him more than any feeling could. 

“It was um-” Stan stops, how smart would it be to tell Richie that he was the reason Stan knew he liked boys? He racks his brain for an answer, an excuse to give Richie that would satisfy the both of them. “It was Mike, Mike is how I knew.” A couple of seconds pass and Stan gets nervous, did Richie not accept his answer? Or maybe it was a trick question and Richie already knew it was him. 

Richie instantly knows that it's a lie, Stan is too sure of himself to stutter in any situation. “Stan, please don’t lie to me. I need to know.” Richie’s eyes are wide and pleading. A part of him feels like he knows the answer already and a part of him is praying that he’s wrong because then it becomes real and Richie isn’t sure he can handle that right now. 

Stan looks everywhere but Richie’s face, specifically upwards hoping that the tears will fall back into his eyes. His breathing picks up and he swallows hard. “It was you Richie, it was always you,” Stan whispers, finally looking Richie in his eyes. He can feel the tears running down his face and he starts to wonder why Richie couldn’t just leave it alone.

“Are you sure?” Richie responds, his throat tight and he can feel the tears start back up again. 

Stan nods, unsure how it would help Richie in any way, shape, or form. He isn’t left wondering for long because Richie smashes his lips against his. It's a messy, teeth clattering kiss but Stan wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Richie lets go on Stan’s wrist and moves his hands to Stan’s soft, curly hair, pulling him impossibly closer. How ironic of Richie to be kissing the boy in the church where he was just praying for God to get this boy out of his head. He knows how complicated things are gonna be when they pull apart, but in the moment he thinks that there can’t be anything wrong with something that feels so right.

[youremeimyou]

Promise Me(pt.1)

Part 1 - Part 2

pairing: Park Jimin x reader (ft. Kim Taehyung) genre: Fluff, angst and just drama.. word count: 5k warnings: alcohol consumption

Description: Y/N is Jimin’s longest and best friend. Certain feelings are caught and meanwhile, Jimin accidentally sets Y/N up with his other best friend. But not before getting her to make him a promise.

A/N: Lately, The image of Jimin being all tipsy in his ‘Saint Laurent’ t-shirt in that bring the soul episode has been either leaving me sleepless or appearing in my dreams. Gosh, whatta man.. So that infired me to write this story:) I hope you enjoy! I’d be really glad to have your feedback. Here, bless your eyes with the image I’m talking about:

The boy’s dorm building was only across the road from the girl’s. And that wasn’t exactly a long walk for Y/N on a normal day. But this freezing winter night couldn’t be considered that normal. Plus, Y/N had to fight against the strong wind that nearly knocked her out of her feet more than once. All of the snow piled up on the ground wasn’t helping either. Again, on a normal day she would’ve loved walking on snow. But at that moment, she just wished to somehow activate her inner mutant so that she could teleport there or something.

If only she wasn’t too lazy to tidy up her room a little bit, it could be Jimin who was trying to make his way to her place right now. Maybe a bit of a selfish thought. But on the bright side, he would have the wind on his back, maybe even help him move faster as it blew from behind him.

It was then that Y/N felt a presence, swiftly moving towards her. Or rather, running up at her. She couldn’t see much through the huge scarf covering most of her face. So, assuming the presence would be a stranger, she engaged attack mode. As she was flopping her arms and legs without even managing to land them anywhere on the guy, the guy easily held her arms in place, not applying much force.

“Relax Y/N, it’s me.”

Ah.. the sweet, soothing voice of Park Jimin.. A little shakey probably from all the cold, a bit small and hard to hear through the blizzard. Nonetheless, it still made Y/N’s worries go away.

“Oh, sorry Chim. I couldn’t see it was you. Did I get you?”

Jimin laughed a high pitched laugh.

“Well, you hit me pretty hard but I guess I’ll live.” he teased her. Meanwhile, Y/N adjusted her scarf to be able to see him properly. His cheeks were all red and his lips almost went purple. Thankfully he had a big beanie with ear flaps to protect his sensetive little ears, Y/N thought. Although an ill and whiney Jimin was cute, exams week was closing up on them. Y/N made plans in her mind to prepare some of her mom’s magical power up soup for both of them, just in case.

“C’mon let’s go inside.”

With Jimin’s arms wrapped up around her, the wind didn’t stand a chance. They quickly went through the door and ran up the stairs to his room. As soon as they were inside, the warmness of the room welcomed them. Y/N loved and despised this room at the same time. Because it smelled way nicer, was way bigger and way warmer in the winter than her own. Well.. Jimin always was the lucky one of the duo. And Y/N had been taking advantage of that for over a decade.

“So, what were you doing outside in this blizzard?”

“I saw last minute that I had lots of booze and very few snacks. And I know better than to not give a certain snack monster what she craves. So I went out to quickly take care of that.” He sent a wink her way. Little action, but a power move.

Y/N saw him taking off his backpack and appreciated the apparent fullness of it. She couldn’t hold herself back from reaching it to grab a starter. Somewhere along the movements their hands came into contact with one another.

“Woah Y/N, you’re freezing! Come here.”

Jimin led the both of them to the couch where a blanket was already present. They wrapped it around themselves and Jimin took Y/N’s hands in his, rubbing them gently. Blowing his warm breath on them every now and then. Looking at her with the softest eyes. It was moments like this that reminded Y/N how she was a doomed, doomed girl. Jimin was maybe the biggest tease she knew. Used on others, it was flirtation. On her, it was the affection he had for his longest, most valued friend. Y/N knew the difference between the two situations. But that just didn’t help the way she felt.

“Booze’ll help us get warmer faster. Let’s get this party started already.” Y/N made an escape towards his mini fridge to get the drinks. “Did you pick a movie yet?”

“No.. I thought we could just chat tonight. We don’t really get the chance to have our customary deep conversations that much anymore. You know, just the two of us.”

“Oh? I thought it made you upset when the gang leaves you alone like this.”

It was true that Jimin didn’t like being alone the least bit. After their meet-ups with their friends when everybody would leave at some point, Jimin would whine and beg Y/N to stay more. “C’mon, a bit more.. let’s lay down.” he’d say. “Wait till I fall sleep?” And of course she would. Everytime.

“But I’m not alone, you’re here. Besides, Christmas Eve kinda became our thing by now, didn’t it?”

For the last two Christmases, both of their families were always either working or on vacation somewhere. There were no gatherings to celebrate the event. So, they didn’t go home for the holidays and spent it in the dorms. And since all of their close friends went back home, Y/N and Jimin were left on their own. They decided to have their own little celebrations where only themselves were invited. This year was also the same. It was starting to become tradition at this point.

That was actually how it all started for Y/N. The first Christmas Eve they spent alone, something happened. A wire in Y/N’s mind changed. And she was trying to deal with that ever since. Hoping tonight wouldn’t make everything worse.

Y/N was setting up the coffee table with the drinks and snacks. Jimin had already started with some champagne. He downed the first glass in one go. Then poured another one for himself. After that he opened up a bottle of soju for Y/N, as he knew she liked starting off with that. They could both hold their liquor but Jimin was drinking even faster than usual. And after a while that made him get very tipsy very soon. He was going all out tonight.

“Hey, I meant to tell you. I signed us up for the Spring Musical Project. Since we’ll be self producing most of the parts, I thought you’d want to know early on. Maybe you wanna get started on the scores.”

“Wow there, Chimmy! I thought we had to audition for that. And also why am I the one working on the scores may I ask?”

Jimin giggled when he noticed her glaring at him with squinted eyes.

“Hmph.. Not after I convinced Mrs. Bora we don’t. And I’ll try to help you out in anyway I can but music making’s your specialty, sweety. We’ve been partnering in crime for like 15 years. I thought you knew by now that I’m the charm and you’re the brains.”  

Jimin reached forward to tweak her cheek. Because of Y/N’s sensetive skin, the spot immediately turned red.

“Did that hurt?”

“Nope, not a bit.”

Jimin smirked.

“Good. Let’s even out the colors, then.”

He slided down from the couch to the floor, next to where Y/N was sitting. He was now pinching both her cheeks, making cute incoherent sounds. Annoying the hell out of Y/N.

“Cut it out Chim, or else.”

“Or else what?” he teased her.

She countered the attack by tickling him. His tummy and waist were his week spots and she knew that. It turned into a playful scuff and after some time Y/N won by pinning Jimin lightly on the ground. With the help of her body on top of his, of course.

“Okay, okay hahah.. you win ah- just stop tickl-“ he hiccuped suddenly from all the laughing. “..tickling me.” That was when she spared him from the torture. And that hiccup had to be the cutest thing she ever heard. Plus, his eyes had dissappeared from laughing too hard and he looked so… Then she realized how she was on top of him, completely pressed against his body and it was all too much. She tried to get up but her balance was off because of the alcohol in her system. As she stumbled between falling and standing, Jimin managed to get a hold of her from where he was sitting.

“You’re about to face-plant on the floor, Y/N. C’mere.”

He pulled her back on the ground and sat her between his legs. Y/N was tipsy but Jimin was drunk. He put his chin on her shoulder as he backhugged her. His speech was sluggish by this point.

“No one else has this, do they?” His hands went to her arms, then down to her hands to link them with his own.

“This.. what we have, I mean.”

“Jimin, what-“

“Even couples don’t have.. this. I’ve never been this carefree with any of my girlfriends. I could never have this much of a good time without thinking about anything else. We become very aware of our actions and like.. what they could mean or something, in a romance based relationship. But I don’t even think with you. I just know you get me. I dunno- does that make sense?”

Y/N could feel the air around them getting thicker.

“Yeah, but why-“

He turned her head slightly so that he could look her in the eyes.

“Y/N. This is serious, okay?” When he didn’t continue, Y/N slowly nodded so that he would.

“Promise me you’ll never have this with anyone else.”

“Jimin, why-“

“Do you promise?”

It was suffocatingly silent. Y/N knew what her answer was instantly. But she had no clues as to why Jimin would ask that. Or why he was being like this tonight…

“Okay, I do.”

Jimin’s stiffened look slowly softened after that. He wasn’t staring at her dead in the eyes anymore, either. Instead he had averted his gaze to the wall across the room.

“Taehyung likes you.”

Y/N jumped up with shock. A few seconds later, she sat back in front of him. This time facing him with a look that screamed confused as fuck.

“Jimin, what are you talking about?”

“He’s liked you for a long time now. He’d murder me if he knew I told you. But I had to. He might be my best friend but you’re my- well, bestest friend. Just don’t say anything to him about it.”

Taehyung was Jimin’s other best friend. He came into Jimin and Y/N’s lives in highschool. And after the two boys moved in as roomates in freshman year of college, they had become like brothers. Their characters were weirdly compatible. Jimin liked to be teasing and flirty but he was actually just cute as hell. Taehyung was shy and giggly but unknowingly he was sexy as hell. And Y/N did have an undeniable crush on him during the end of highschool and the beginning of college. But ever since things changed for her on the Christmas Eve of freshman year, she had forgotten about that.

Christmas Eve, two years ago was a night just like this one with Jimin and Y/N drinking and alone. Except, the faint sound of Empire Strikes Back could be heard from the TV. They weren’t exactly paying attention to it, both had seen it billions of times.

Jimin was nearly falling asleep with his head on Y/N’s lap. And Y/N had her attention on his hair. Running her hand through it in hopes to help him relax. Because Jimin had broken up with his girlfriend, earlier that evening. When Y/N asked if he’d wanna talk about it, their conversation went a little something like this:

“What’s there to talk about?”

“I mean, you guys didn’t really look like you were having issues. And you never told me that something was wrong. I just don’t get why you’d call it quits.”

“I didn’t wanna reflect this on you. But I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.” He sighed and continued. “The fact that I have this close of a relationship with you had been bothering her for a while now. You know, because you’re a girl. And I’m tired of trying to explain it. Maybe no one but us can understand this.”

“So, you dumped her?!”

“No! I wouldn’t do that, you know me. I wanted to work it out but she.. asked me to choose her over you. And when I couldn’t, she just ended it.”

She wasn’t actually the first girl to ask that of Jimin. But it was the first time he talked to Y/N about it.

“Jimin.. I’m so sorry about that. Look, I’ll be more careful in the future. I’ll talk to her if you want-”

“No, Y/N. It’s okay. I already let her go.”

“But I thought you said you loved her.”

Jimin closed his eyes and turned away from Y/N before he said what he said next.

“I don’t love her as much as I love you.”

And that sentence made Y/N lose her shit. She was freaking out, trying not to take it the wrong way. And she knew that Jimin probably meant it in the most innocent way but her stupid heart wasn’t getting it. It didn’t make her think Jimin was in love with her. It just made her realize that maybe she wanted him to be. And so, her life had been very complicated after that night. Everything was the same except she now had feelings for her best friend. Perfect…

Tonight though, she just learned a brand new information and had no idea what to do with it. Also, she couldn’t make sense of the way Jimin delivered that information either.

“Jimin. If that’s true, then why are you telling me? And why now?”

“I guess the answer to both is because I’m drunk enough right now.”

Jimin got up, walked to his bed and plumped down on it.

“I wanted to say that- ugh I don’t wanna sound awkward.”

He just cared about her more than anyone. Because Y/N didn’t really find dating around easy or preferrable, there haven’t been any serious situations where he’d have to worry about her being hurt. But this time was different because he knew she had liked Taehyung in the past. The idea of things changing was stressful for Jimin. At least he got her to promise that they wouldn’t change.

“I guess I’ll be okay with it if you guys ever progress into anything.. more? Yeah.. Let’s go to bed. Tomorrow’s Christmas!” And with that, he lied down, loudly yawning and getting ready to sleep.

Normally Y/N would lie down next to him and cuddle. Jimin was a natural hugger. And although Y/N made it look like she didn’t like skinship at first, there was no way Jimin would buy that. He always remembered a little girl who’d come to him for hugs when she was sad, not caring about seeming strong around him. 

But tonight, Y/N went to sleep on the other bed instead. Because frankly, Jimin had annoyed her. He had just told her she was allowed date people, as long as she promised not to care about them more than Jimin himself. That was just selfish and inconsiderate in Y/N’s eyes. Cuz it wasn’t like he ever asked Y/N’s consent when he was the one dating people.

She decided to just sleep on everything that happened. So she closed her eyes and pulled the covers over herself. That was her first time falling asleep on Taehyung’s bed.

—–

The next morning –afternoon, really- she was being called back to consciousness by a deep but muffled voice with a tall figure hovering over her. But she didn’t wanna get up yet. That’s why she closed her eyes that were barely even opened in the first place and burried her head under the sheets. Only to be welcomed by the balmy fragrance belonging to the owner of the bed she was in. The scent could easily pull her back to dreamland but the deep voice just wouldn’t go away. Then a hand softly made contact with her shoulder, nudging it only a little.

“Yeah, what?”

“Y/N, wake up it’s me.” Y/N’s brain slowly started to decipher the deep voice. It sounded more and more familiar until it clicked. Taehyung.

She made a quick move to turn around and straigthen up on the bed. But since Taehyung was hovering over her and didn’t expect her to get up so suddenly she crashed into him. They bumped heads and it was both an embarrassing and a slightly painful experience.

“Sorry I- I’m so stupid-”

Taehyung couldn’t help but giggle.

“No, it’s okay. Are you okay?”

Y/N was also smiling. “Yeah..” Then she remembered who she was talking to and who’s bed she was in. Panic crept up to her brain in mere seconds. What was he gonna think about finding her in his bed, all messy and obviously hungover?

“Sorry I woke you. Your mom called. She couldn’t reach you. I guess Jimin was M.I.A for a while too, so she tried me. Lucky I came back early and found you. She sounded worried, maybe you should give her a call.”

Y/N’s mom had a habit of making a fuss when she couldn’t instantly reach Y/N. She searched for her phone, scanning through the bed with her hands. Until Taehyung reached over to the nightstand behind his bed. Doing this made his chest hover over Y/N once more, but this time at a much closer proximity cuz he was now sitting on the bed. He looked at Y/N and saw her stiffened posture because of that closeness, as he was pulling back.

“Oh, sorry.” His face was visibly getting redder. “Here.” He held out her phone. That’s right Y/N thought. She had put it there before going to sleep. As she was taking it from his hand, she saw how he was staring at the ground, timidly. He even scooted over to the other side of the bed to put the distance he unknowningly closed, between them again. And that summarized his sexy but shy character up perfectly, Y/N thought.

She decided to just text her mom instead of calling. It might’ve had something to do with being a little bitter about how her mom was always busy with other things on mostly every Christmas. Meanwhile she glanced over to Jimin’s bed and found it was empty. She thought about texting him. But then, her eyes landed on the coffee table and saw his phone was still there, where he left it last night. She found it to be strange. Why would he be in such a hurry that he’d forget his phone, on a free day like Christmas day?

What she didn’t know was Jimin had woken up in the middle of the night, feeling cold. When he realized the space next to him was empty, he looked around to find Y/N sleeping soundly on Taehyung’s bed. So that’s why he was cold. She had never slept anywhere but next to Jimin in all the times she stayed over. But as soon as he revealed Taehyung liked her, there she was, under the covers and all that. He hadn’t been able to sleep until the morning after that. So he had just up and left to clear his head.

“By the way, sorry for crashing on your bed. I uh- I know it looks weird-”

“Wha- No, it’s okay.” Taehyung could only appreciate the sight in front of him. “I knew you were gonna spend Christmas Eve with Jimin again, I knew you’d be here.” The twist was, he expected to find them curled up in Jimin’s bed as usual. But with him gone and with Y/N on this bed, he could sense something was up. He wasn’t gonna press about that, though. And Y/N appreciated it.

“So, why are you back so early?”

“Well, my parents planned a trip for three days including Christmas. But since we have exams coming right after the holiday, I thought I’d skip the whole thing. So we had a very early Christmas breakfast just before they left and I came here.”

“Oh. So you’ve joined the rest of us losers who get to spend the holiday here?” She joked around bitterly.

“Yeah. Kinda sucks how I spent 8 hours to go to and come back from home but I’ve only seen my parents for like 6.”

“At least you had breakfast with them. I haven’t had a proper breakfast since forever.”

It wasn’t like Y/N couldn’t cook or something. There just wasn’t much time for breakfast in their busy lives. With school, part time jobs and always getting up super early, days went by so fast. But today was a free day. And Taehyung had an idea.

“Well, we can actually make breakfast.. right now. Well, it’d be lunch but I’ve been grocery shopping before I came here.”

The offer put a smile on Y/N’s face, exactly as Taehyung wanted to achive.

“Can we make pancakes?”

They started off by searching for a recipe online.

“Got it. Pancakes for 2 persons-”

“We should probably double everything. Since we’re three with Jimin. Three with big appetites.” Y/N was proud of how much they all loved eating to be honest.

“Right, yup. Oh and by the way, do you know where he went off to?”

“Uh.. no.” She was starting to think Jimin left becuse he was upset with her for some reason. Her guess was close enough.

“Well, I’m sure he���ll show in a bit. And we’ll have breakfast ready for him.”

That cheered Y/N up a little. They were now trying to cook with two people in the very cramped up kitchen part of the room which only consisted of a stove, one counter and a mini fridge. It was a mess with Y/N bossing Taehyung around telling him what to do. Taehyung being mischevious and getting flour all over Y/N. Constantly bumping into each other and laughing like crazy. Total chaos but too much fun. And they were getting good looking pancakes as result.

All of this was helping Y/N remember why she had a crush on Taehyung and how it made her feel back then. Between all the giggling, they didn’t hear Jimin opening the door. They did hear the loud bang that came out when he shut it, though. Jimin was obviously not expecting such a view in front of him. He had a confused and somewhat hurt look on his face until he saw that the coffee table was set up for three people. He also saw his phone was there which was another relief for he had thought he dropped it somewhere.

“Taehyung, you’re already back?” He was talking to Taehyung but looking at Y/N.

“Yeah. No Christmas at home for me either this year. C'mon let’s dig in before the pancakes get cold.”

Only two types of conversation happened as they ate. Between Taehyung and Y/N. And between Taehyung and Jimin. Until Y/N decided to break it.

“Chim, where were you all morning?”

“I couldn’t really sleep from the cold all night. So I went to the coffee shop as soon as it was morning, to get warmer.” That was a figurative rock thrown at Y/N for not cuddling him, despite knowing how sensetive he was to cold. She rolled her eyes. But even though she had done it to kinda punish him last night, it still made her feel bad.

“Guys I should get going. Gotta take care of some school stuff.” Y/N said as she got up to walk to the door. “But tonight, I’m hosting Christmas dinner and you both have to come, no excuses.”

Jimin smiled sincerely -for the first time that day- at how she could easily get bossy and motherlike.

“You’ll also be required to have some of my mom’s magic soup I’ll make to protect us from the cruel winter, so be prepared.” And with that, she walked out. Jimin’s eyes watched her with adoration as she left. But his face dropped when he saw Taehyung had the same expression.

“Bro, I wish you were here this morning when I came in.”

“Why?”

“Cuz I kinda freaked out when I saw her all snuggled up on my bed. I hope she didn’t notice.”

“I think it went okay, Tae. You guys had alone time like you wanted.”

“True. I just get so nervous, man. But I think there was something there while we were cooking together. I hope I’m not being crazy.”

There was something, alright. And it was all thanks to Jimin and his big mouth. But why was it this hard to even think about these two people he cared deeply for, becoming closer?

It was nearly evening when Jimin saw Taehyung getting ready, trying extra hard to look good. While Jimin himself was relaxed on his bed.

“Dude, going somewhere fancy?”

The confident Taehyung posing stiriking looks at the mirror, instantly turned into a giggly kid at Jimin’s comment.

“Well, dinner time’s closing in. I thought I’d go over to Y/N’s a bit early and maybe help out?”

“Oh..” Jimin got up at once. He was quickly getting ready, putting some casual clothes on in a rush and talking at the same time.

“Uhh, actually I’m supposed to go earlier because we were gonna work on some moves for the Spring Musical thing. I should probably hurry over there.” Jimin moved at lightning speed towards the door.

“O- Okay.. I should let you guys focus then, I’ll be over later.”

He was thoughtful despite being dissappointed so Jimin turned back just as he was about to leave.

“Sorry, bro. Thanks.” he said and darted out.

When Y/N answered her impatiently knocked door, she didn’t expect to find Jimin, looking soft in his oversized hoodie but staring her up with a fierce demeanor. Curse and bless that duality.

“Hey, angel.” He let himself in. “Do you need any help with the dinner?”

“No, I already have everything ready. But you can set up the table, Chimmy.”

Y/N was glad they didn’t seem to be at odds anymore. Neither of them was good at staying mad at the other.

Jimin went over to the little cupboard where he knew the utensils were and brought two sets of everything to her little table. Y/N thought of it to be habit, as it was just the two of them mostly. So she grabbed and placed another serving on the table, herself.

“Hey we should call Tae over before dishes go cold.”

Jimin rolled his eyes. “Right, I’ll text him.”

“Can you check if the soup has enough salt?” Y/N was holding out a spoonful of it for Jimin to taste. He leaned in with his mouth wide open but Y/N stopped him suddenly.

“Wait! It’s hot you silly.” She blew on the spoon. “Now you can have it.”

Jimin looked at her fondly before tasting it.

“Mm~ it’s perfect.” He booped her nose and she scrunched it. But she actually loved it when he did that.

“Did you text Tae yet?”

“I’m about to, woman. What’s the rush? Sick of me that easily?” He was whining and complaining like a child, Y/N loved it when he did that, also.

“What’re you talking about? Meals are gonna get cold.”

Jimin did text him finally, but not without frowning.

“Did you and him talk about- you know..?”

“Wh- No! Why would I bring that up? You shouldn’t either. Ever.” Y/N felt flustered enough as it was. After finding out about Taehyung’s feelings, she had become confused about her own.

“Why? Don’t you like him as well?”

“Jimin- Can we drop the topic? He might walk through the door any second!”

“No, he’d knock first. Even I knock.”

And he did knock. Right at that second. Y/N ran to answer it, all the while sending Jimin implying looks to get him to keep his mouth shut about the subject.

“Am I late?”

“Nope. Actually right on time.” Right on time for Y/N to escape Jimin’s interrogation.

“I was surprised when Jimin texted this soon. Did you already decide on moves for the musical?”

Jimin’s eyes went wide with panic. Caught in a lie. Fortunately, Y/N caught on quickly and didn’t want any fuss.

“Uh.. well no, not yet. What Jimin came up with was no good.”

Hurtful.. But Jimin let it go because she did just saved his ass there. Although he was sure she’d question him about it later.

Dinner went great with everyone having fun. Then, they were about to move from the table to where the small, shit TV Y/N brought from her family’s old house was. As mentioned before, Y/N’s room was smaller than Jimin and Taehyung’s. So was her couch. If they were gonna watch Home Alone as planned, one of them had to sit on the floor cushion.

After losing rock-paper-scissors Jimin was stuck doing the dishes. Y/N went to the TV to put the movie on and Taehyung took a seat on the couch, waiting for her to join him when she was done. But Y/N sat on the cushion instead, trying to be polite to her guests. As Taehyung was contemplating on how to get her to come up to the couch, Jimin appeared and went straight to sit next to Y/N.

“Guys, isn’t it cold to sit on the ground? Maybe we can all squeeze here.”

“There?” Y/N looked up to him over her shoulder and joked bitterly. “You don’t even believe that.”

“Alright but at least one of you can come up here. Y/N?”

“Nah, I’ll warm us up. C’mere, panda.” Jimin pulled Y/N to him until there was no more space and trapped her in his embrace. Taehyung wasn’t supposed to get jealous. They’d always do that. Cling onto each other any chance they get, casually hold hands and even sleep next to each other. But the eyeing look Jimin occasionally gave him over his shoulder made it seem like all this wasn’t just bff stuff. Taehyung felt that maybe Jimin was trying to keep Y/N away or even, to himself.

After the movie was over, Taehyung excused himself, saying he felt exhausted. He was awake since before sunrise, after all. Actually, so was Jimin but he on the other hand didn’t plan on leaving any time soon. Y/N was seeing Taehyung out, with a smile on her face. Taehyung returned it shyly, eyes on the ground until he gathered the courage to look up at her through the fringe of his hair.

“Thanks for everything. Especially the soup. I had a bit of a sore throat but not anymore. You’re my hero.”

That last part came out with so much meaning, words dipped in his velvety voice. And it made Y/N beam at him.

“You wanna hang out tomorrow?”

Jimin stopped breathing. Of course he was listening in before, while pretending to be on his phone. But right now, they had his full, undivided attention.

It came as a bit of a shock to Y/N as well. It wouldn’t sound like a big deal -just hanging out, if it weren’t for the eager look on Taehyung’s face.

“Yeah..” The word just slipped out of Y/N’s mouth before she could even think.

It was Taehyung’s turn to beam. “Great.” With that, he bid his farewell and left, all the while grinning like a fool.

Y/N was also smiling while closing the door but that was only until she turned around and saw the we’re about to have a serious talk face Jimin had.

“You do know he meant that as a date, right?” Jimin had gotten up from his seat, panicked and jumpy.

“Why did you lie to him about coming here early?”

He scoffed at her attempt to change the subject.

“Because I wanted to talk to you alone, about all this. Would you rather I brought him along?” His voice was loud.

“What more is there to say? You’ve already told me you were okay with it!”

Jimin dropped all of his defenses at that. Because it was true. Why wouldn’t he be? Taehyung was maybe the only guy he could trust with Y/N. So he wasn’t really worried. What was the name of the feeling sitting heavily on his chest, then? He didn’t know.

“I know.” he said in a low voice that sounded like a whisper and sat back down on the couch. “And I want you to feel- I dunno.. happy. I see how you smile at him, too.” He was more mumbling than talking. Because it was hard saying all this, for reasons he didn’t understand. “You know I love your smile.”

Y/N blushed out of nowhere at his last comment. And the upset state of him softened her so she went over to him. Jimin continued:

“I just, I guess I don’t like sharing your smile.. or you.”

Y/N brought her hand on his chin to pull his head up and make him look at her.

“Chim Chim.. you’re worried about nothing.”

He tried to avert his gaze once more but Y/N held it in place.

“Hey, I mean it. Because it’s not even a big deal as you make it out to be and even if it was.. I already promised you, didn’t I?”

Jimin wanted to be relieved. And he pretended to be in that moment and said goodnight shortly after. But as he strolled outside in the cold he felt like there was more he wanted to say to her. He silently promised he would, as soon as he figures it out himself.

…

Author’s note: Hello:) That was long, sorry. I just can’t stop writing this one. Thank you so so much if you bared with me and read it, I hope you liked it. I’ve got more intense stuff planned for the story so this will have at least one more part for sure. What do you guys think? Who should Y/N end up with?

[papa-nikki-writes]

Rowvember day 16- Hurt

Definition

1. cause pain or injury to

2. Be detrimental to

3.physically injured

Summary- My mind’s rendition of what happened after Playa and Lin were shoved in the trunk of Lin’s car. Of course I write with my girl in mind, and I reckon this is when ‘The Boss’ was really born in SR1, how everything went down with Lin changed a lot in the Saints, changed Playa.

Words- 2,403

Shea was only half conscious when her memory kicked back in, she became dimly aware that she was somewhere dark, but they had just stopped after travelling what must have been a good distance, she could make out the sound of ship foghorns in the distance. The docks. When did they get to the docks?

      And why did she feel so feverish and weak? She remembered a bat to the face.  a needle sliding into her arm, a blurry blue lined limo, but her brain hurt when she tried to remember anything more. Everything hurt.

Crying, someone was crying. It stopped abruptly when light shone in...wherever they were. Two figures looking down at them, Lin trying to reason with...Donnie was it? That squirrelly little mechanic that always hung around Price. The other- Sharp. He had a gun.

        A gunshot rang out, and Lin didn't speak anymore, Donnie yelled at Sharp before he stormed off. What the fuck was going on? So many things...it almost seemed funny. She giggled, and Sharp's attention was drawn to her, his face surprised. Another gunshot.

Pain knifed white hot through her chest and Shea embraced darkness. It wasn't the first time she'd blacked out, and she had a feeling it wouldn't be the last either.

***

“...Hey. You even fucking alive?!” Lin’s voice woke her but she just wanted to go back to sleep, everything was an effort right now and dreamland was just out of reach. A sharp painful kick made her eyes snap open, and she growled and kicked back on instinct, and Lin hissed, “Ow! You coulda just said yes!” she said as Shea tried to move her arms to push herself up, but nothing happened.

     So she was still tied up. Shea began to bend her body back on herself to get at the knife in her boot when Shea became aware that something cold and wet began to circle her. Water.

“Lin?” she asked, and heard her voice waver. “Isn’t this the trunk of your car?”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck.” Shea hissed through her teeth, still thrashing to get her knife

“Hey! Found my lighter!” Lin wheezed, a rattle in her chest set alarm bells ringing in Shea's head and she moved double time. She could smell, taste and feel blood in the trunk, hers or Lin's she didn't know. Maybe it was a little or a lot of both.

Just a little further, Shea frowned as her fingers skimmed the top of her knife, just a little-aha! Triumphant, Shea began hacking at her bindings.

“I'm-I'm sorry.” Lin said after a long pause, she sounded so weak and far away.

“Tell me when we get out of here, yeah?”

“I shouldn't have called, I shouldn't have dragged you...” Lin trailed off, and Shea kicked her back into consciousness.

“Stay with me honey.” Shea warned, trying to stay calm as she worked on the ties, and Lin laughed.

“Did you hear that asshole Donnie? He said I was his girl.”

Got it!

       The cable tie gave way and Shea returned the knife to her boot, trying to keep her head above water she dragged Lin over to her.

“Lin?” she asked tapping her cheek, “Lin honey?” the silence seemed to stretch on forever, and the water level rose to dangerous levels. There was only one thing for it, she had to get Lin out of there, “Lin, deep breath sweetie.” Shea said before she held her breath and pulled her head underwater. The trunk roof would be locked and could only open from outside, so Shea focused all her energy into kicking the back seat through until there was a hole big enough to push Lin through to the main car before following after her.  

She's gonna fucking kill me when she sees the state of her car. Shea thought.

           She collected the pistol that Lin kept in the glove compartment before grabbing hold of Lin's waist and shooting a bullet through the glass of the passenger side door. The bullet carved a spiderweb in the glass before it gave way and a ton of water crashed down upon their heads. She tried to move, but cramp seized her leg and she hissed, taking in a breath and swallowing way to much water. It felt like it filed her lungs. Panic set in.

        Refusing to die here, Shea kicked upwards through the water towards the surface as fast as she could: she needed to take a new breath, so did Lin. The cramp still assaulted her legs and Lin's dead weight didn't help things.

Wait, dead weight?

       That scared her more then anything else, finding strength from some unknown reserve she moved through the water quicker, but the water chopped and churned all around her and she struggled to keep her mouth shut and keep Lin's slipping hand in hers. But fate was so cruel.

      A particularly fast current ripped Lin from her and Shea screamed, bubbles of sound floating around her. Air, she needed air. She needed to find Lin. Her blood pounded in her ears and her chest burned. She flailed her arms in the abyss, hoping to catch hold of Lin again but her brain's need for oxygen made her body make for the surface.

         Her head broke the inky blackness of the waves as the current shoved her to and fro. Waves crashed over her head and rain beat down on her skin, the droplets of ice adding to the dark chill of the water.

      She breathed in deep, then dived under again, swimming in the direction where Lin had been wrenched away from her, but with the waves crashing above she had no idea if she was even swimming in a straight line, let alone in the right direction. The need to breathe clawed at her and she made for the surface once more, heading towards land.

     She sobbed and collapsed onto the beach, her already pain seized body churning out cries that only heightened the stabbing, she knew Lin had died shortly after she'd last spoke to Shea.

Only Shea didn't want to believe it.

      She didn't know how long she stayed there, she had no fucking idea what time it was in the first place, she had no phone, they had taken it off of her before and she found herself utterly at a loss. Then Shea began to shake violently, falling victim to an almighty coughing fit that ultimately sent her scrambling for the water so she could be sick. It felt like her body was trying to rip itself apart. She fell forwards into the water, closing her eyes for just a few seconds.

***

Possibly for the second time that day, Shea was wrenched back from the brink of death. Her eyes snapped open and she sat bolt upright, coughing to eject water from her lungs as she tried to pinpoint just what had resurrected her.

Car engines, laughter. Rollerz.

      Shea's eyes fell on the car headlights, something predatory awakened and the need for revenge set her nerves alight, reigniting her life. Her mind made up, she headed for the source of the noise like a ghost that couldn't be granted rest. Not until the debt was paid in blood. The lights of the cars were speeding away from her, and she set off at a run. By the time she got there, one Roller remained. She snapped his neck, a far quicker death than what they had planned for her and Lin, and the thought made her blood boil as she got in the car and gave chase.

     The cars were racing eachother, the occupants whooping and hollering, so Shea joined the race knowing that Sharp was in one of them, she would just have to kill every single one of these fuckers until she found him. She pulled up alongside the driver’s side of one, and he rolled down his window, probably to talk to who he thought was his comrade. His face turned to one of horror when he saw Shea instead.

“'Ain’t you dead?” he asked, and Shea smirked and pounced, sinking the knife deep into his heart, the Roller next to the driver screamed and tried to stem the blood flow as Shea sped out in front. Watching the car lose control and plough into a wall, Shea didn't stop to check if they were dead or not.

       The other Rollerz now knew something was wrong and slammed on their Nitrous, Shea did the same, closing the gap in mere seconds as she flicked open the glove compartment, finding the pistol there. Pistol in the glove compartment was like an unspoken rule or something.

          She flipped the safety catch, leaned out of the window and took aim, shooting the tires out of one of the cars, causing that one to crash further up the road. One car broke from the convoy and retreated, wanting no part of Shea or her vengeance.

       Shea lined up her shot and fired through the back window, catching one of those sat in the back, another bullet and she hit the driver too, killing him instantly, the car shuddered to a halt. The remaining Rollerz in the car scrambled out and ran away from Shea as fast as they could while she caught up to the last car in the convoy. Sharp's. She leaned over to the window, coughed. Spat out whatever had collected in her throat,

        Sharp tried outmanoeuvring her but it was obvious that he wasn't used to driving a car of his own. Shea stayed on his arse until she realised he was coming up to a set of crossroads. Tiring of this cat and mouse game, she veered off from the path, turned a corner, turned another, then slammed down on the accelerator until she was flying down the road.

As she thought, thinking he was safe, Sharp had slowed down.

     Shea had a last glimpse of the look of total shock on Sharp's face as she closed the gap between them at frightening speeds, he had no time to turn or accelerate.

      Shea smashed into him, pushing his car forwards until he was sandwiched between the wall and her car. Her body was jerked forwards from the impact, then thrown backwards as the airbag inflated, she struck her head and didn't even know she was knocked clean out until she came to a few moments later, sat in a haze of acrid smelling smoke.

       She blinked back blood from her eyes and looked around, saw the twisted lump of metal that was a mix of the front of her car, and Sharp's. She couldn't see him but the amount of shit she'd withstood that night she decided not to take any chances. She kept an eye on the wreck, taking pistol to hand she kicked the drivers door open and stepped out of the car. A shooting pain in her leg told her she'd damaged that in the crash too, she winced, panting and dragged her leg over to Sharp's car.

        A number of people had begun to swarm around the crash site, trying to get into the car to get to Sharp. But she wasn't going to let him be helped. No way, not when her friend was dead because of him. Not after all he'd done.  The anger came back ten fold.

“Get the fuck away from him!” she growled, and the civilians turned round.

“He needs help!”

“Away from the car!” she fired the pistol into the air, “now!” she snarled and the people scarpered, letting Shea rip the driver's door open and point her gun at a motionless and bloody Sharp. There was no way he was getting out of the car anyway, his body pinned in the clutches of the gnarled metal of the vehicle. When Shea next spoke, she'd never heard herself in that deadly cold tone before, if she was someone else, it would have given her chills. “Stop playing dickhead, at least face your death with some dignity.”

Sharp stirred, and the cold blue ice of his eyes met her molten fury.

“You should...be dead.” he said, and she allowed him to process her survival, that he’d know it was her that was going to take him out.

      She pulled the trigger. The gun went off and Sharp's head exploded into billions of pieces, spraying the car, and Shea's trigger arm with his blood. Her arm shook, and she lowered the gun.

        The adrenaline was consumed from her blood and she suddenly felt colder, weaker. Her body felt like lead, but ached painfully as though she'd lived a thousand lives, a dull ache as a growing numbness swept over her and her legs gave out from under her. She crouched on all fours coughing, wheezing as a rattle began to clatter in her chest. Her vision blurred.

        A fine bloody mist mixed with a few clots stained the tarmac below her. She winced and clutched at her chest as she tried to breathe. Saw it come away bloody.

Shit I'm bleeding.

      From what? When the fuck did that happen? Shea asked herself as she looked down at the wound oozing her lifeblood from her body, something in her memory stirred, a flash of fire, a sharp white hot pain knifing through her chest.

“Shit. I've gotta get back to the row.” she wheezed, dragging herself back into the road, someone stopped to help as they saw the carnage but Shea pulled the gun on them, making them freeze in their tracks.

“Hey, whoa whoa whoa, I just wanna help, let me help.” he said, hands up in surrender.

“You can't help him now.”

“And you?”

      Shea paused as a wave of nausea threatened its rise up her throat, and the gun fell slightly before she came back to reality.

“I don't want your help.” she hissed, circling to the car slowly.

“Sure, whatever-just, just don't hurt me yeah?” he stammered, maybe it was the blood, maybe it was the look in her eyes; or maybe it was the way her eyelids fluttered, the way she wheezed with every rise and fall of her chest. The man threw her his keys, and she turned away from him, driving off with his car without so much as another word.

[journal-of-an-outlaw]

Price to be Paid - Chapter 25

AO3 link here

You were absolutely frozen. 

Of course, of all the trolleys in Saint Denis and all the people to sit next to, you had chosen the spot next to Mary Linton. She looked perfectly pressed in a gown much more suited to her than the one you picked for yourself of a teal blue that made her eyes shine, and hair pinned with such accuracy you knew you could never replicate it. It burned your insides to see she was just as lovely as you had imagined even if you had secretly hoped she was ugly and cruel. 

Mary watched you with her hand out and you realized how utterly rude you had been. 

“YN! YN Moore, pleasure to meet you.” 

Part of you had expected her to recoil at your name, scream and start to cry at the strange coincidence you had sat next to her. But instead she smiled widely and let her hands settle politely in her lap as the trolley bounced along the street. 

So Arthur hadn’t mentioned you after all. 

“Do you come often into Saint Denis?” You asked hesitantly.

Mary shook her head, watching the buildings pass on by. “No, just came to chase down my father. It’s embarrassing, really, but I asked someone for their help and I feel like I’ve taken advantage of what we used to have.” 

She had the indecency to look beautiful as a blush worked its way up her cheeks. 

“I’m sure they were just trying to help, because of the circumstances.” 

You hoped the answer would change the subject as you were in no mood to discuss Arthur with a semi stranger. It felt wrong to know who she was and have her remain in the dark. The imbalance of it all made your stomach upset. 

“Well, I knew they would come, and that’s the problem.” She shook her head and looked away from you. “If you ask someone for a favor but you know they are honorbound to say yes, is it really a request or does it become a demand? I, it’s not easy to be a single woman, it’s powerless, and I needed someone with power. Most folks I associate with at home are, well, you know, shallow and wouldn't help someone out unless it benefited them in some way.”

Mary looked a bit desperate as she spoke as if she was looking for your approval. You weren’t in the mood to give it willingly but you would listen, and maybe begin to understand. 

“Depends on what you have with this person, I would guess.”

“I’m sorry,” she played with her skirt ruffles while she spoke. “I don’t mean to speak so openly, you’re kind to listen. This person and I used to be engaged. Part of me still wishes we could go back and change the past, ignore my father and just follow our hearts. But every time I play it out it never would have worked; I couldn’t live the way he did, my family would have disowned me, and I would have isolated myself from every possible avenue of a life resembling what I had always known. I was young and naive to think that things would just fall into place, but being around him makes me think maybe, just maybe, we could take on the world together. I know that isn’t the case, I don’t love him like I used to, but it’s the intoxication of being swept up in that fantasy.”

“I used to be engaged, when I was young as well. There’s something about a first love that never really leaves you, even when you know it isn’t right anymore It’s...hard to move on and accept that life turned out the way it did, but sometimes the best choices for us aren’t the easiest.”

Mary watched you with a focused look while you talked about Henry. It wasn’t the same situation, of course with Henry dying suddenly, but things were starting to make a little more sense as to why Arthur and Mary were drawn to one another. It wasn’t true love, or any kind of love at all but more the echos from when they were younger. They had a bond, and as much as you didn’t like it, it wasn’t something that would just go away and if you were to take Arthur into your life, you would have to accept it. 

“It looks like you made a good choice now! There’s a beautiful ring on your finger.” 

“Yes, and he is good and I love him.” You beamed down at your hand, knowing what you had to do. “Miss Linton I’m afraid I haven’t been completely honest with you. I didn’t know you before except by name, and I truly am sorry for barging next to you on the trolley like this. I know you met up with Arthur Morgan earlier, and I have to tell you he’s the one I’m engaged too.”

The trolley bell made a loud clang as the two of you sat in silence. Mary looked out to the street of Saint Denis as you passed a park with families strolling by. You thought she wiped a tear from her eye but couldn’t tell as she refused to look back at you for a moment. 

“Miss Linton, I’m sorry to spring this on you -”

“No. Don’t be.” Mary finally faced you, a smile on her face. “I...you know I was talking about Arthur, then. I am sorry to have dragged you both into my affairs, I never meant to, I just didn’t have anywhere else to turn and in truth took advantage of what we used to have.”

“It’s actually alright, Miss Linton. You are not a bad person, just a person stuck in a bad situation. I started out today in a foul mood but after getting to know you I strangely feel better.” You laughed at the absurdity of what just came out of your mouth. Mary Linton had been a hateful, deceitful hag in your mind until you sat down on that trolley and you hadn’t realized just how happy you would have been to keep on living that lie. 

“If it makes you feel better, he really does love you.” 

You looked over at her surprised. That had never been a doubt in your mind but something in her tone made you think he had proved it to Mary somehow. 

“I, oh lord, forgive me, I asked him to run away with me just before I got on the trolley. I don’t know what came over me, I just blurted it out like an imbecile.” Mary was quiet and as you listened you felt your temper rising, but forced it down in an effort to maintain some decorum. “He of course said no, that that part of our lives was over and he had someone who loved him flaws and all, not despite of them. And that must you.” 

“He saved me, in more ways than one. And it’s not always easy. There’s a lot of outside factors but at the end of the day he’s a good man, just…”

“Like he’s wrestling with a giant,” she finishes your sentences softly. 

The trolley drove by a street corner where someone yelled about a cause they were supporting, asking those walking by to donate anything they could. The sun filtered through the trees and cast odd shaped shadows on the cobblestones that had been worn down by each passing thing whether it was a horse or a street car. What a strange city, you thought, so full of life and color and heartbreak. Things hadn’t turned out like you thought they would but from what you had learned, that was usually okay.

“I think we’re more alike than we could ever guess, Miss Linton. Which probably says more about Arthur than it does the two of us.” Mary gave a startled laugh, hiding behind one hand as the trolley slowed to a halt. The conductor announced this was the end of the line and that after five minutes it would head the other way. Mary stood and asked how to get to the train station as you filtered out with the crowd. 

Charles wasn’t at the stop so you waited for Mary to exit and join you on the sidewalk. She smiled and quickly fixed a strand of hair that had loosened from her bun, enjoying the feeling of the afternoon sun. With no escort she seemed nervous, so you offered to walk her over to the train station. 

“I will tell you, if you had told me that all of this would happen today I wouldn't have believed you in a million years!” She seemed giddy walking down the street. 

“Miss Linton…”

“Mary, please.” 

“Mary,” you tried again with a smile. “I still feel awful, like I deceived you somehow. Please know that was never my intention.”

Just as she opened her mouth to respond someone called out your name, a low, gravely voice you instantly recognized. There was a small crowd behind you but Arthur and Charles sat high on their horses, a strange look on both of their faces. Arthur climbed down and threw the reins to Charles before approaching with hesitation. 

“Oh, for heaven’s sake Arthur it’s alright, I won’t bite.” Mary said flatly. You were sure he was panicking inside at seeing the two of you together. 

“YN, I didn’t know you were in the city.” 

“Charles didn’t mention it?” Arthur shook his head. “That’s alright. I came after you, but we ran into someone and I then found Miss Li-, Mary on the trolley. We actually had a lovely conversation and were walking to the train station to see her off.” 

Arthur stood frozen, like if he moved the illusion would break. It was funny, really, but you didn’t laugh as you let him process whatever was racing through his mind. You were sure seeing his old and current betrothed together was a strange and terrible sight. 

“Arthur, should we…?” You motioned to the station and he snapped back from his momentary lapse. He cleared his throat and walked up next to the two of you, unsure of whether to offer his arm or walk in silence. 

The rest of the walk only took a few minutes and it passed by in comfortable conversation between Mary and yourself. She told you about her home and her brother who she was quite proud of, and how he was looking into going for schooling after something Arthur had convinced him of. Your fiance snorted, causing both you and Mary to give him a dirty look, and he mumbled something about how it would be good for Jaime to get out in the world and be stable. 

A strange pang shocked your heart at their casual intimacy and chatter about Mary’s brother. It was something you didn’t share with Arthur as any questions about your family had been deflected and you hoped he wouldn't bring it up. You realized now that was foolish, and one day he simply wouldn't take a distraction as an answer. The unfortunate bond to your parents would need to be brought to light soon as your father kept reminding you by popping up at every turn. 

The train whistled loudly, steam pouring onto the station platform and signalling it was ready to leave. Mary thanked you both and stepped up to the car, but paused halfway up and turned back. 

She took your hands in her and gave a soft squeeze. “I genuinely wish the both of you every happiness in the world. I, it’s nice to know Arthur has someone like you looking out for him.” 

“Mary, if you ever need anything, please don’t hesitate to write. It’s not easy to get by on your own, you do have support if you need it.” Arthur smiled and tipped his hat as the train let out another blast. Mary waved and stood frozen safely on the stop step as the train pulled out from the station. 

You and Arthur watched as the train faded into nothing more than a blip on the horizon. 

“That was...how did you even…”

Arthur stuttered at your side trying to comprehend what happened. You smiled up at him. 

“I came after you to apologize. I was wrong Arthur, very wrong, and never should have tried to stop you from helping Mary. Charles came with me into the city and we tried to find you, but he spotted some Pinkertons and we had to escape. He took the horses and I jumped on the trolley next to a very surprised Mary Linton. We actually got along very well, she told me about how you helped her and it just solidified my thought that you are one of the best men I’ve ever met.” 

Arthur blushed at your words and looked around. Spotting no one, he swept you up into a brief hug, resting his head in the crook of your neck and squeezing. 

“Truth be told I only did it because I thought it’s what you would have done. Helping people out...that’s your thing. Being kind, y’know.” 

You laughed and linked your arm through Arthur’s. All feuds forgotten, you strolled back through the city to find Charles. He told you about chasing Mary’s father all over Saint Denis; the meeting at the stables, chasing down the loan shark, and after all that Mary’s father still escaped their grasps. You laughed and gasped dramatically as Arthur retold everything, feeling like he wanted you in on the secret of him and Mary’s relationship, whatever it may be. It was a good feeling, being accepted and wanted. After he finished you told him about Brother Dorkins and how Charles saved two poor souls who were being held captive. 

“Oh, I met him. The Brother, he was with Charles I guess after you got on the trolley. Walked them back to their church and made sure they weren’t followed.”

So Charles had diverted Arthur from running into your father. What a nightmare that would have been, but the thought of Agent Milton moving about somewhere in the same city brought your fears back and you suddenly wanted to be out of Saint Denis more than anything. Your eyes scanned everyone who passed by for the possibility of him running into you and what that would mean. You hadn’t spoken about your parents in nearly a year and the topic still made your stomach turn. 

What would Arthur think when he found out?

Charles whistled from across the street. You and Arthur crossed to meet him and leave as soon as possible. Arthur asked if everything was alright as you took off through the streets, trying to put as much distance between you and Agent Milton as possible. Your only response was a smile as words were not able to form for you at the moment. 

“You’re back! And just in time, too. We need to prepare for a ball, Cinderella.” 

Dutch greeted the three of you at camp with the strange sentence and you cast a confused look at Arthur. Hadn’t you just been to a dance in Rhodes?

Arthur grunted. “Dutch, you know I hate dressing up…”

Dutch laughed and approached the two of you. Swinging his arm around Arthur’s shoulder to steer him over towards Hosea you heard him say, “Just think of it as a practice for your wedding. Now, what we have here is a change to get on the good side of Angelo Bronte at a party the Mayor is throwing.”

You chuckled watching Arthur’s panicked face throw you a glance for help but you just waved him off and started brushing Eclipse. Her hair was dirty from the smog of Saint Denis and she made appreciative sounds as it slowly became clearer and clearer. Kieran hadn’t brushed her in the past few days so she was overdue. The other horses nearby looked dirty too, like Kieran hadn’t been keeping up with his duties. 

The next week moved at the same pace set by the heat lingering around Shady Belle; heavy and unrelenting in its molasses slow pace. You helped cut more vegetables, wash more clothes, and sort more herbs than you cared to remember and more than once you and Karen snapped at each other purely for something to do. She may not always get along with you, but as someone who worked hard for the gang she respected you and you felt the same towards her. 

Days started to feel repetitive. While it was wonderful to have a routine and sleep under a roof, not everyone agreed that you deserved it after such a short time with the group. Micah certainly made it known that he should be in your and Arthur’s room, not you, but someone usually told him to quiet down if he got too rowdy. 

One day, Dutch’s plan finally came into fruition. 

“Gentleman! Tonight is the night we set off, hair brushed and oiled, shoes shined, and dressed to the nines so we can charm the pants of this god forsaken shit hole called Saint Denis.” He waited while people laughed at his show, then continued on. “Hosea, myself, Bill, and…” his eyes crossed the gang. “Mary Beth will be off to the mayor's house.” 

It was not lost on you how quickly Dutch’s eyes flitted past you. 

Mary Beth balked. “Me? You need some pick pocketing done?” 

“No, nothing like that. We just need a woman who can move about precisely in high society is all.” 

A disgusted noise came from Molly as she threw a rag down and stalked back into the house. Dutch just huffed and turned back to the younger woman. 

But Mary Beth was still confused. “I ain’t like the others, you could take YN or Abigail and dress them up. Why me?”

Micah annoyingly stepped forward to answer. At his first step Mary Beth crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. “Because, Miss Gaskil, you’re beautiful, and young, and good enough to distract people into thinking they have a false sense of security when in reality we’re robbing them blind.”

“But I thought you said -”

“Enough.” Dutch had his spotlight stolen and was incredibly frustrated by how the events had gone. It was his story to tell why was no one listening?

“Mary Beth. We ain’t robbing. It’s just a dinner party and we figured a pretty young girl like you should experience the finer things in life. YN went to that ball back in Rhodes and Abigail we thought wouldn’t want to leave young Jack so soon. Plus, with John not there, things could get out of hand.” 

Arthur’s eyebrows shot up to the top of his hairline. Clearly this was something he hadn’t discussed with Dutch and you know they all watched poor Abigail flail about feeling stuck in her position. 

The look on Dutch’s face said the decision was final. You were strangely okay with this as you had no desire to dress up and preen about the high society of the men who kidnapped Abigail’s son. But Arthur clearly wasn’t. 

“Dutch, if I’m going so is YN. That’s final.” 

Dutch sighed, looking exhausted. “My boy, if that happens then I’ll have to -”

“It’s happening. We can find a second carriage.”

“Fine.” You watched the scene, frozen. Not wanting to push any boundaries you opened your mouth to speak but Dutch silenced you with a look and you waited for him to continue. “We are guests of Angelo Bronte and will clean up before heading out. That means you all bathe, yes, even you Bil, and for god’s sake wear a suit. We will meet after supper and head in together, as Arthur so eloquently said, in two wagons.”

A flush worked its way up your chest and face. “I don’t want to make trouble, Dutch.”

“What’s done is done. We will all head in and be on our best behaviour and make this worth our while! Be ready by seven.”

Arthur balked at the older man and joined you near Pearson’s wagon. “Never seen him like that. Wonder why he put up a fight about bringing you along.”

“Well, he was right. Mary Beth is beautiful and charming and...younger.” You wrap your arms around your middle, suddenly self conscious. Arthur laughed softly at your expression, which earned him a dark glare. 

“You ain’t old, darlin’, you’re younger than me and even so there’s nothing wrong with it. Dutch has been strange lately, that performance included.” He looped your arm through his and walked over to the house. “Let’s go into town, take the day to get ready for that party tonight, hmm?” 

You nodded and allowed him to drag you away. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Molly dart out of sight as you as Arthur approached and a pang of guilt hit your chest. 

As soon as your bag was packed for the day you closed the door to your room and promised Arthur you would be down shortly. Something was drawing you over to the small sitting room next to Dutch and Molly’s room. It was a quiet afternoon and the sun filtered in through the wooden blinds casting beams of light to dance around the room. 

“Hosea?” The older man grunted as he looked up. “I think Molly should go tonight instead of Mary Beth. I know she’s not...I think it would clear the air, make things a bit better between her and Dutch, which in turn means better for us. You know she would charm the pants right off of those society men and get a chance to flex her uses.” 

Hosea blinked in response. He seemed to ponder your words for a moment, scratching his chin while his eyebrows pulled together. From somewhere downstairs Arthur called for you, so you told Hosea to consider your idea and waved goodbye. 

The ride into town was uneventful. Your mind was racing with thoughts of a real bath and nice clothes to be focused on the dusty road below you. Arthur was talking to you about something, but suddenly the thought of being in town reminded you that just a week ago your father had been there and almost caught you. If there was a chance he would find you or Arthur, things would turn bad very quickly. 

"...and Hosea told me once about mixing flowers and herbs together to make poultices, like for medical purposes, and how Bessy taught him."

You took the pause in his speech as a chance to reply noncommittally with a nod. 

Arthur saw right through that. 

"He also said that if you bathe in the waters of Saint Denis that your skin would turn as green as grass." 

You looked around the bridge entrance with a sharp eye. "Uh huh, wow, he's so smart." 

"And eating yellow daisies under a full moon will let you turn into one of them, but for a day." 

"Hmm, wait what did you say?" You turned to find Arthur stifling a laugh by looking away from you but it wasn't working. 

"Something on your mind you want to talk about, sweetheart?" His voice was low as he asked. 

“I’m just,” you sighed dramatically, “worried is all. Did Charles tell you about the Pinkertons we saw?” 

Arthur nodded. “Met that Brother Dorkins character, too. Not sure what to make of him. Seems nice enough, genuine, but all those religious types do, right? That’s how they get you.” 

You laughed and chastised Arthur for mocking the man and in turn he told you he was only joking. Brother Dorkins was a good man; he put helping others above all else in his life and truly committed to the selfless way that he had been taught. You felt good about how you and Charles had helped him the other day and were glad Arthur had been able to spend time talking to him. 

Once the horses were tied up out front you headed into the tailor shop together. Arthur was quickly ushered over to the men's side and you followed a young woman to look at dresses. 

It was all breathtaking. The glamor of what life could be like stared you down in the reflection wearing a low cut deep red dress. It whispered about high heeled boots and soft, elegant gloves that would accompany you on a night out to see a show. It sighed in your ears to the sound of string lacing up your back and the tug of the corset that restricted your movement. The sweet symphony swelled with the swish of the dressing room curtains and you took center stage, ready to present the illusion to Arthur. 

He spit out the sip of water he had just accepted from the shopkeeper. 

Quickly the man jumped into action to clean up the spill and you simply arched an eyebrow. The woman next to you knew she had done good work from the reaction and you smiled at her like you shared a secret. The burgundy material clung to your chest and hips, billowing out behind you like a cloud. It was large and overdone, but even you could see through the poshness of it and admire the way you looked like a dream. No one could stand in your way with this dress, not even Arthur and his dapper looking tuxedo. In which he looked stunning as well. 

“See something you like, Mr. Morgan?” You rested a hand on your hip as you sauntered over, enjoying the way his eyes ran up and down you languidly. 

He ran a hand over his eyes to hide the obscenities that flew from his mouth. “Only you could make that dress look like that, I’m not so sure I want to buy it for you.”

“Why not!” You pouted, sticking your lip out. 

You could see him restrain himself as he took your hand gently and turned you around. He pretended to fix something on the back of your dress and suddenly you were very aware that both of the workers were watching you. 

“If anyone so much as thinks about you looking like that I’d put a bullet between his eyes before you could stop me.”

After you both changed back to your street clothes and paid, you decided to walk to the hotel to bathe as it wasn’t as far as you had thought. Arthur let you hold onto his arm and point out things you liked along the way, like the small birds singing in the air and the way the horses hooves echoed streets away from the trolley car. It was vibrant and new and you loved it, oblivious to the way Arthur never took his eyes off of you. 

The clerk at the hotel was bored and barely paid any attention to the two of you as you paid for baths. At the last second Arthur purchased a room for the night for you two to stay in after the dinner, and you almost missed the wicked glint in his eye. 

You moaned louder than you should have as you sank down into the beautifully hot water. Any aches you had before were gone in that weightless space and you watched the dirt from days and days simply scrub away. You had been trying to clean yourself every few days at least but living in the swamps made it difficult. Between the bugs and the sweat and the need to bring someone with you in case an alligator had its eyes on you, the actual bathing amount was questionable. Laying in the bubbly bliss was pure heaven. 

A soft knock at the door was followed by a voice asking if you wanted extra assistance but you declined. The bar of soap was easy enough to manage and you plunged your head below the water to begin attacking your hair. 

You eventually left the small paradise you had found and dried off, impressed with the result of one simple bath. It was something you would need to indulge in more regularly. 

Arthur beamed at you as you entered the small room and motioned to the bed where he had laid out your dress. It was approaching time to leave for the mayor’s and you had too many buttons and laces to be able to dress yourself. Arthur kissed your neck as he helped you dress and looked at you again like a wolf stalking its prey. It made your stomach flip and flutter as you thought about what the night held in store. 

Dutch greeted the two of you with a harumph as you entered the carriage outside. He chomped down on one end of a cigar and looked sour until Arthur found a glass of champagne. Dutch was dressed to the nines in a beautiful black suit and matching top hat. Someone, you guessed Hosea, had stuck a white flower into his lapel and he leaned back in his element. It didn’t take long for Dutch and Arthur to be howling with laughter at thoughts of the old days and how ridiculous it was to be headed to a mayor’s ball, of all things. You sat squished across from Bill who avoided your gaze and opted to stare out the window, throwing back the glass of champagne Dutch handed him instead of savoring it like you were. 

You asked Dutch if he wanted you to lift anything as there was likely to be good value in such a high society. 

“Oh, no, no, no, no! No pickpocketing. We are here to make some real contacts. We have to find what we can at this party where the guest of honor is the worst crook in town!” It wasn’t long until he and Arthur and Bill were howling with laughter at this again and you watched on amusedly. 

The men cheersed their drinks just as the carriage arrived outside of the manor gates and came to a slow stop. Someone opened the door and you exited first, excited to be around new people. Arthur held his arm for you to walk you down inside but stopped in his tracks and stared as another carriage pulled up behind yours. 

“My god, she actually came…” you whispered. 

For as wonderful as you looked in the dress from the tailor, you had nothing on Molly O’Shea. She stepped forth a queen in a stunning green jeweled dress dotted with accents of gold and black and red and perfectly matching jewelry. Her hair and makeup were flawless as well and made you wish you had brought at least a lipstick with you. 

Her Irish accent was silky and slow as she took in her companions. “Evening, fellas. And Miss Moore, that’s a stunning dress you have there.” 

You held Arthur’s arm, frozen as well, and watched as she and Dutch took their place in front of you. Hosea walked next, a smirk and a wink thrown your way as if to say he had finally come around and listened to your suggestion. 

Bill huffed. “Well. This night just got a whole lot more interesting.”

The walkway was lined with white canvas tents stretched high above you and twinkling lights across the lawn. The house was a stunning two story building with Roman columns and a balcony that seemed to stretch around the entirety of the second floor. It was beautiful and matched the bold taste of those in the higher class of Saint Denis. 

“Luca here will take you to Mr. Bronte.” A man at the front door accepted Dutch’s paper invitation and invited the crowd in, eyeing the number of people that entered in a way that let you know you were pushing the limits. 

Luca was a smaller man, an inch or two below even you. He walked with a strut that made up for it as he guided the group into the foyay and spoke about the extensive history the house held as a jewel and a staple of Saint Denis. He lost you somewhere after you passed the chandelier, the sparkling beauty nearly stopping you in your tracks. Luca led you past the double staircase and multiple servants. 

‘Hosea, Bill, YN, you three join the party. Signore Bronte does not want a crowd I am sure. We will meet you down here shortly and meet you out back after we pay our respects.” Molly clung to Dutch’s arm a little tighter, learning she was of importance to meet the guest of honor. Arthur simply rolled his eyes at you and you smiled back, not bothered by the slight.

Bill whistled as you stepped back out into the night air. “This sure is a pretty place. Like the...lights and such.” 

Hosea told him to go find drinks while the two of you stood at the top of the stone staircase, a good spot for observing the party. 

“Hosea, I’m flattered to even be here. I know Dutch seemed against it at first. He’s bee strange lately, have you noticed?” 

The older man paused before thinking, mulling over the words running through his mind. “You look lovely tonight YN. Sure picked a dress that could bring a man to his knees.”

“It’s not too much?” You fretted. 

“Not at all, my dear. And as far as Dutch goes, I’ve noticed something is off as well. Let’s keep that to ourselves however, not everyone would agree with our observations. Might think we were going against him.” Bill held out two drinks for you and headed back into the crowd to play the part of upper society. You clinked your glass gently against Hosea’s and enjoyed the taste of whatever it was you had sipped. 

The garden below you was wide stretching, with trees and fountains and gazebos dotted around the grounds in an elegant arrangement. The same stringed lights from the front of the house were draped all around the backyard as well giving the evening a mood lighting of excitement and dreaminess. 

You still couldn't believe it was all real. A few short months ago you were being held hostage by a savage man, and now you stood at the height of society, drinking and enjoying the view you had from the top. 

It wasn’t long before Dutch, Arthur, and Molly joined you on the balcony. Dutch and Molly looked quite pleased with themselves, talking about how enchanted Bronte was with Molly and her beauty. Arthur seemed hesitant and motioned for you to come stand by him as soon as Dutch was done retelling the riveting tale of working with the man of the hour. 

“I think we should get outta here. These people, they ain’t like us. They’re liars, and awful tricksters who do terrible things for a laugh.” Arthur shook his head, pointing out some people in the crowd who Bronte had mocked. 

 “Native Americans? What do they need from the mayor?” You mused out loud. 

“Alright, go ingratiate ourselves. And remember,” Dutch gave you a pointed look, “steal nothing. Unless it's information. Find the mayor and stay outta trouble.” 

Arthur gave your arm a tug and together you headed into the crowd. You knew finding the mayor was the target, but to be honest you were mostly interested in meeting the Native Americans who were somewhere out in the gardens. 

You and Arthur waltzed around to see what you could find, but most of the people were simple folk looking for idle conversation. It took an hour to make your way around in a lap and at the end you felt none the wiser. Sure, the caricature of Saint Denis was more vibrant and colorful after speaking to more of its residents but you knew that would be enough information to sustain Dutch. 

A conversation behind you grabbed your attention and you turned so Arthur could face them men and join in. 

“It ain’t complex, Lemieux. And only an idiot like you would try to make it so.” 

The small group of men stood near the fountain seeming to poke fun at the Frenchman. “I will not deny idiocy, sir, but perhaps now is not the time. You are drunk, Ferdinand.”

“I’m not drunk, you fool!” The loud man laughed and rocked backwards, grabbing the man next to him in order to remain standing. “But this man! This man loves darkies.”

You blanched at the slur and Arthur took this queue to grab the man’s shoulders, turning him away from the group. It didn’t take him long to lead him away before anyone could get too upset. You pretended to fan your face with your hand and draw the attention of the men back to you instead of watching the scene behind them. 

“Your husband, madam?” 

You blushed. “Betrothed. A good man, Arthur. My name is YN.”

Arthur rejoined the group and shook hands with the other men. “Thank you, sir. Henri Lemieux, I hope you are enjoying my party. Do you know Evelyn Miller?”

The name sounded familiar as Arthur’s face lit up. “My lord. The writer?” 

“Well,” the man chuckled good heartedly. “We seem to have another deranged drunkard in our midsts.” 

Behind Mr. Miller a loud boom echoed through the streets of the city. You winced and looked away from the bright lights exploding in the sky, unsure of what to think. Arthur placed his hand on your back and whispered that they were fireworks and you watched in awe. Flashes of light were met with oohs and ahhs from the crowd so you figured you must be safe, even if the air reeked of gunpowder.

A man in a white servants uniform pushed through the group towards the mayor, pulling him to the side once he had his attention. A sharp whisper brought the words ‘Cornwall’, ‘fool for trusting him’, and ‘sign it’ carried across the air and you locked eyes with Arthur. This was a lead, something he should look into. 

Dutch seemed to appear out of thin air. “He say something about Cornwall? Find out what.” 

Arthur placed a chaste kiss to your cheek and slunk off into the crowd and off into the dark. You stood alone until Molly joined your side. 

“Miss O’Shea, that gown is...breathtaking.” Molly smiled, a rare motion for her. 

“I’m glad tonight worked out. Hosea told me it was your idea to bring me along instead of Miss Gaskill, and I wanted you to know I’m grateful. Dutch and I...we used to be so close but I’m hoping he sees my worth after tonight. This dress was supposed to be for another type of party with me and Dutch, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon.”

You smiled sadly at her, unsure of what to say. 

“Do you ever miss Ireland?” 

“Constantly,” she answered without hesitation. “It’s a beautiful country, and Dublin is a gem that these cities don’t hold a candle too. I hope you visit one day, see the green for yourself.”

“I’d like that.” Arthur returned to your side with a sly grin thrown at Dutch and a pat of his coat pocket. Dutch tipped his hat and watched the rest of the fireworks show with a wide grin. 

Hosea and Bill find their way over and express their disinterest at staying any longer. On the walk out Hosea whispered to Dutch about a plan he had devised to rob the city bank, something someone at the party had brought to his attention. Dutch countered with a plan to rob the trolley station that Bronte had mentioned to him and Arthur. The gang seemed to just need one big score before they could be free, whatever Dutch meant by that. 

Lenny drove up with the first carriage and you saw his eyes nearly fall out of his head at the sight of you. One look at Arthur snapped his neck forwards without daring another glance, but you laughed at the exchange and felt good about how the night had gone. Dutch, Bill, Molly, and Hosea climbed inside as you and Arthur remained on the sidewalk. He clapped the side of the wagon without a word and Lenny took off, a curt nod cast somewhere in your general direction. 

“Well, Mr. Morgan, what should we do now?”

Arthur met your gaze with a low growl and a hungry look on his face. “Girl, you better run back to that hotel room because I know exactly what we are doing tonight.”

You squealed with delight and took off, hiking your skirt up around your knees to let you run. Arthur barked a laugh and chased after you, showing the upper society of Saint Denis that it couldn't tame you no matter how hard it tried.

[knights-of-saint-christopher]

My Girl ~ Curvy!Reader x Hamish Duke

The world needs more overprotective Hamish! 💕

Trigger warnings:

Violence

Sitting on the couch you curled yourself deeper into the side of your boyfriend. You and Hamish had been together for just over six months, and it was safe to say that you were utterly in love with the boy. In a sense he was perfect, intelligent, kind, funny. Some days it made you wonder why he was even with you in the first place. You heard many stories about Cassie, seen many pictures. She was beautiful, brave, and outgoing. Don’t get me wrong, so were you, but you didn’t always see it.you sighed to yourself softly as you felt Hamish run his fingers through your hair.

“Whatcha thinking about love?” Hamish hummed noticing you’ve been rather silent lately.

“Nothing really.” You replied quietly refusing to look Hamish in the eye.

“Nothing huh? You know, I can always tell when something’s bothering you...” you look up to meet his eyes, before smiling softly. You slowly reach up, lightly booping him on the nose.

“I’m fine.”

“And I’m the queen of England.” You roll your eyes at his sarcastic remark.

“Ya, you wish. Now stop worrying!” You say standing up. You felt slightly guilty for not being completely honest with Hamish, but if you told him the truth you’d only worry him further. “I have to go. I’m gonna be late for class, but I’ll see you after, ya? Say 5:30, maybe a movie night?” You suggest moving towards the door, backpack now in hand.

“A movie night sounds perfect. Have fun in class!”

“I won’t!” You yell, chuckling softly to yourself before leaving to go to class. You always enjoyed the walk from your dorm to the main campus. It was always so peaceful. During the first week of classes back in September you had found a narrow path leading into the woods. Out of curiosity you followed it and it brought you straight to the main building in half the time. From there on out the tiny little trail was your official path to class. You followed the trail, looking up in the trees, watching as birds chirped and sang, only stopping when you heard the sound of distant footsteps. It wasn’t too uncommon to find other people on the hidden path, however at this time of day (roughly 2:30) it was rather rare as most students were in classes or at work. Shrugging lightly you continued on your way paying little attention to the sound of footsteps coming closer to you. Watching the trail in front of you you notice several figures standing in front of you, all dressed in long dark blue robes, and wearing masks so haunting it gave you chills. Although the scene in front of you scared you to wits end, you really couldn’t afford to be late to class. Plus it was university, weirder shit has happened. You stopped walking a few feet before the three figures, as they were blocking your path.

“Excuse me. I have to get by.” You muttered impatiently, before trying to barge through the wall of bodies. Just as you were centimetres away from the middle figure when a puff of white powder thrown by the far left figure clouded you senses.

“What the hell!” You yell between coughs. Suddenly you notice your eyes beginning to get heavier, and the world around you began to spin. You tried to take a step back to distance yourself from the figures, but in doing so the world went dark.

You woke up with a jolt, your mind instantly bringing you back to the previous events. Opening your eyes slowly, you came face to face with one of the figures from the woods. Panic began to flood your body. You tried to move, but you were stuck. Your arms and legs bound to the table underneath you.

“Ah, your awake ms. Y/N. how nice of you to join us, and just in time for the incantation.” Although you couldn’t see the figures face, you could tell by the voice that he was a man, most likely middle aged, and judging by the fact that he stood in front of you opposed to the thirty-something other figures in the room, you concluded he was the leader.

“The what?” You squeak. Not really wanting to know what he was talking about.

“The incantation, the ritual, whatever you want to call it. We just needed a sacrifice, and here you are. Don’t worry though, your death won’t be in vain, you’ll be helping every one of us here.” The man says gesturing around the audience watching the exchange. You look around panicking. This psychopath was going to try and sacrifice you. You were gonna die, scared and alone. This thought was something you just couldn’t wrap your head around. Desperation leaked through your voice as you pleaded, trying your best to wiggle free from the restraints holding you down.

“Please! You can’t do this.... I. Let me go!” You cried.

“Hush now darling. Everything will be alright. We should begin now.” The man announced to the later to the surrounding group. Huffing sadly in defeat you stopped fighting. There was no use, escaping was near impossible. You let your thoughts wander trying to think of anything other than the ritual going on around you. You thought of your childhood, your family, Hamish... it must be past 5:30. Maybe he was still waiting for you, maybe he realized something was wrong and went looking for you. This isn’t some fantasy, this was reality, happy endings weren’t to common. You just wished you had a chance to say goodbye, tell him you loved him one last time. The man stood above you, pulling out a long silver knife from the inside of his robe. You closed your eyes not baring to look at his terrifying mask anymore. You heard him say the incantation loud and powerfully. There was a short pause before the man raised the knife over his head with every intention of driving said knife through your stomach, but he could do so, the sound of a door slamming open echoed throughout the room.

“Let her go now!” A familiar voice boomed. You looked to see Hamish standing in the door way, eyes glowing a sliver blue. His teeth grew long and sharp, and his fingernails morphed into claws. Three wolfs appeared behind, daring someone to make a move.

“Well. If it isn’t the knights of Saint Christopher, here to screw up yet another incantation. I take it she’s yours?” The man said to Hamish motioning to you. Your eyes met Hamish and for a moment you could see relief flood his features. “If you think I’m just going to give up my sacrifice then you are sorrily mistaken.”

“That’s funny... you think you have a choice. Hand her over or I swear to god I’ll rip every single one of you apart.” Hamish’s voice was filled with rage, so much so it even caused you to flinch. The Grand Master only laughter at Hamish’s attempt at intimidation. This definitely wasn’t a laughing matter for your boyfriend. He smirk to himself before whisper softly to Timber who stood beside him. You watched as Lilith’s wolf lunged towards the nearest figure. You shut your eyes quickly as you knew what was coming. Screams filled the room as Lilith ripped the member apart. The smile on the Grand Masters face dropped instantly. He motioned quickly to the other members to do something, most of which just backed away, the image of their dead friend still fresh in their minds. Greyback and Silver-beard lunged shortly after causing the hooded figures to all scatter, the Grand Master giving up not too long after. As the room cleared out, Hamish ran towards you. He quickly ripped the restraints off, before pulling you into a tight hug. You sobbed lightly into the crook of his neck, still terrified.

“Hey, it’s okay Y/N. I got you... God I’m never letting you walk alone ever again.” You pulled away from the hug, and watched as Hamish reached up to wipe the tears from your eyes. You chuckled softly knowing that he really probably wouldn’t let you walk alone ever again.

“Can we go home now?” You ask looking up at the boy in front of you. He nods quickly, before pulling up up off the table steadying you as you wobbled ever so slightly.

“Yeah. Let’s go home... you promised me a movie night. I’ll be damned if we don’t follow through.” He kissed the top of your head lightly, Before continuing to walk you out the door.

“Hey Hamish!?” You both turn around as Randall called out, standing over a body. “What do you want us to do with all these dead people?” Hamish rolled his eyes and you laughed softly at Randall’s lack of filter.

“Just leave them. Now if you’ll all excuse me I have a movie night to attend.” He announced grabbing your hand. The rest of night went by in a blur, filled with cuddles, laughter, cheesy movies, junk food, and kisses. Laying on the couch, your head resting on Hamish’s chest, for the first time in a long time you felt loved unconditionally. You knew deep down that you found your Prince Charming, your superhero, someone who would go to hell and back... just for you.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I am so in love with Hamish Duke... like holy crap! Thank you guys sooo much for reading, and a special thank you to @crazyonesarethebest for the request.

If you have an idea for an imagine or fic (both character and ship) let me know! I will be happy to write for you.

Thanks again loves! 💕

[crimefightingspiderguy]

awkward

Summary: "Can you write an imagine where Peter Parker and the reader get stuck in an elevator right after an argument?" (REQUESTED BY @smilexcaptainx )

Warnings: None that I can think of?

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Word count: 2,122

A/N: Sorry that this took forever to post, I was going to do it during my winter break but I got an eye infection and I could no longer see what I was doing long enough to write it. But I finally got it done and so here it is! Hope you enjoy :)

     “I don’t understand what your problem is (Y/N),” Peter said, making you scoff at him and roll your eyes. The two of you were currently walking home to your shared apartment complex. You had just found out last night that he was Spider-Man and this was the first time since then that the two of you were alone and you had gotten to ask him about it. “My problem is, you’re out there every night risking your life, and for what? No one asked you to do this Peter!” You throw your hands in the air in frustration. You didn’t want him to get hurt, that’s all. “No one had to ask me! It’s called being kind, maybe you should try it out sometime!” Peter retorts back, and instant regret fills his face once the words settled in the air between you two. “Well, if I’m so unkind and you’re such a saint, why do you keep me around?” You ask, tears of hurt and frustration well up in your eyes and you turn and begin speed walking, getting farther ahead than Peter. “(Y/N)! Wait! I didn’t mean it like that!” Peter yelled after you, but you ignored him and kept on going. Peter sighed, knowing it was best not to run after you, giving you some space and time to cool down. 

     You ran up to your apartment and into your room, glad your parents weren’t home from work yet to pester you about your day. About why Peter wasn’t over for your usual post-school homework session. You lay on your bed and let out a sob, wondering if Peter actually meant those words. You figured that he probably didn’t really mean it, it was just a heat of the moment thing, but it still stung. Still, you kind of wanted to get back at him. The two of you had been friends since Peter got dropped off by his parents at his Aunt May and Uncle Ben’s. You grew up just a couple apartment doors down from him and when Aunt May quit her job to stay with Peter, your parents offered to pay her to babysit you. Aunt May quickly agreed, welcoming the extra income and someone to distract Peter when she needed to do something like cook. The two of you had spent your entire childhood together and then when it came time for school, Aunt May was more than willing to drop you off and pick you up with Peter, then watch you until your parents got home from work. You’d been through thick-and-thin together and you almost never really argued with each other, unless it was some silly debate about Star Wars. So Peter’s comment really did come as a shock to you, and part of you wanted to shock him back. You knew it might come off as a little petty, but you knew that in the end, you’d go back to being friends and have a good laugh about all this, so why not have a little fun with it on your end. You decided to give Peter the silent treatment for around a week, or however long it took for him to get the point. It was not going to be easy, seeing as you not only lived next to him, but you rode the same bus to and from school, we're in the same extra-curriculars and had study sessions every day after school. But, luckily you were starting a new job this week, so hopefully, you’d be spending most of your free time there, so it would be slightly easier to change your typical routine. 

     The next day was going to be the first day of your evil plan. Peter, of course, had already tried messaging and calling you multiple times the night before, but you just silenced his number so that you got his messages, but they wouldn’t bug you. You decided the best way to begin your avoiding was to catch a different bus to school. There happened to be a bus that took the same route as the one you usually took, but it left 30 minutes early. As you were hugging your parents good-bye, they gave you a confused look, “Honey, you’re 40 minutes early?” your mom questioned. “Yeah, I’m avoiding Peter to get back at him for saying that I wasn’t nice” you shrugged and walked out the door as you parents sighed and lightly chucked at how petty you were being. You managed to walk past Peter’s apartment without him catching you. Walking down to the bus stop, you got on the bus when it arrived and sat down next to a friendly looking mother holding her daughter. You start scrolling through your phone when you notice that you have more messages from Peter. You go through and read them. “Where are you?” “Answer your door” “We’re gonna be late for school!” “I’m leaving, message me when you wake up.”. Luckily your parents had left for work before Peter came over to walk to the bus stop with you, so they didn’t ruin your plan by telling him. When you got to the school, you decided to hide in the library so you didn’t run into Peter until first period. 

     You did have your first class with Peter, but it wouldn’t be hard to avoid him. He knows you don’t like to talk in class, so you’ll just sit farther away from him but he’ll know not to pass you notes because it would only piss you off more. You waited until the bell rang to enter the room, knowing Peter’s never been late to a class. Luckily there were two seats left open, your usual one next to Peter, and one right in the front, next to the door. Peter’s head quickly shot up at the sight of you, and he smiled and waved at you. You simply ignored him and sat in the seat near the door. You heard Ned lean over to Peter and say “Damn, dude, what did you do?”, making you smirk, knowing that your plan was working. When the bell rang, you quickly got up and started talking to the teacher, coming up with many questions about the term paper that you had assigned. You had already finished it, but you needed an excuse to not talk to Peter. He sort of awkwardly waited for you, but then realizing you wouldn’t be done anytime soon, he left for his next class so he wouldn’t be late. You smiled at your teacher and thanked her for the help, leaving for your next class. 

     You were doing good so far at avoiding Peter, at least up until lunch. You didn’t really know what you were going to do for lunch. You weren’t allowed to eat in the library, otherwise, that would be your go-to. You decided to go to lunch like you normally would, and you would simply not sit at your normal table. After all, Peter wasn’t your only friend. You went into the cafeteria and got your lunch, then walked over to the table that Flash was sitting at. You and Flash weren’t best friends because he was an asshole to Peter, but you tolerated him because he was nice to you and he was on your academic-decathlon team. When you sat down, Flash gave you a confused look, but didn’t say anything and continued his conversation with his other friends. You snuck a look over to where Peter, Ned, and MJ were sitting and they all had very confused and almost bewildered looks on their faces. You simply look down and eat in peace. 

     Luckily, Peter had dropped out of band about a week ago, so you didn’t have to try and avoid him there. However, your next challenge was the academic-decathlon meeting. You decided to pretend to be sick. Walking into the meeting room, Peter got excited to see you, but his face fell a little when you instantly walked over to the teacher instead of coming to him to explain your behavior. “I’m really sorry to do this, but I think I going to have to skip practice today. I just got done vomiting, and I feel like it’s going to be an on and off type of thing.” You say rubbing your “upset” stomach. The teacher just nodded and told you to get better, sending you home. You walk out, not looking back at Peter. You quickly got out of school and took the bus home. Since you had some time before you had to leave for work, you sat down and did some homework. You were startled out of your concentration when there was a banging on the front door. You walk over to the door and look through the peephole, it was Peter. You sigh, luckily the door was already locked, so you could leave out the window without worrying about someone breaking in. You quickly grabbed your bag and hopped out the window onto the fire escape, while Peter continued to bang on your door, “(Y/N), I know you’re in there! I know you went home sick, come talk to me please!”. You could hear the hurt in his voice, and you almost caved, but you really did need to get to work. 

     You made your way down the fire escape and to the nearest train station. You recently got a job being none other than Pepper Potts aka, the CEO of Stark Industries, assistant. The building was so far away from the apartments, you knew there was no chance of you running into Peter at least until you got home. Your first day actually went really amazing! Pepper was super nice to you and kept telling you how excited she was to start working with you. When the day was done, Pepper showed you to the elevator to take you downstairs. When the doors open, you were met with none other than Peter Parker. “Thanks again, (Y/N), I’ll see you tomorrow” Pepper smiled, you returned it and got into the elevator with Peter, not saying anything even after the doors closed. It was sort of awkward because neither of you knew what the other was doing in Stark Tower, and neither of you wanted to break the silence. Peter finally sighed and slammed his hand on the stop button, causing the elevator to turn off. “What the hell is going on (Y/N)? Why have you been avoiding me all day and all last night?” Peter asked turning himself to face you, crossing his arms. You sighed, “I was trying to get back at you for hurting my feelings, by giving you the silent treatment.” you admit. Peter looked offended, “And just how long were you planning on ignoring me?”. You shrugged, “As long as it took for the message to sink in”. Peter rolled his eyes at you, knowing how stubborn you could be. “You’re such a child sometimes” Peter teased you. You knew he didn’t mean it in a bad way because of his tone, so you didn’t get offended. “At least I don’t insult my best friend.” You retorted with some sass. “Look, I really am sorry about what I said, I just was getting so frustrated… and I don’t know, I meant for it to come out a lot more sarcastic then it did I guess.” You nodded, knowing that he was being sincere. “Well, I’m not sorry that I ignored you all day. I’m actually pretty good at the silent treatment as I’ve come to discover.” You smirked at him, “But I do accept your apology.” You smile, opening up your arms for a hug, which he gladly accepted.

     After you both left the building you took the train back home together, and that’s when you finally asked him the question that had been bugging you for the past half-hour. “What were you doing at Stark Tower?”. “Oh, Tony’s sort-of took Spider-Man under his wing,” Peter said, blushing a little as you congratulate him. “What were you doing there?” Peter asked you. “I got a job working as Pepper’s assistant!” You say excitedly to him. “How come you didn’t tell me? That’s awesome!” Peter says. “How come you didn’t tell me about Spider-Man?” You retort, “I don’t have to tell you everything Peter.” You smirk at him, knowing that you had made a good point that he couldn’t necessarily argue. “How about, from now on, we are completely honest with each other?” Peter offers, holding out his hand to shake on it. “Deal,” You say, taking his hand. 

Find more of my work here. 

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[wandlores]

In Her Eyes

Pairing: Harry Potter x Pansy Parkinson Words: 3,247 You can also read this on AO3.  This is for the anon who requested I write about my children awhile ago! I have missed writing about them, so it was almost nostalgic for me. I hope you all enjoy it. x

If Harry saw another article in the Daily Prophet from Rita Skeeter talking about his new lack-of a sex life, he was going to scream. The lack of sex wasn't even what mattered, it was the fact that Ginny no longer wanted to be with him.

He wallowed in his own self-pity for weeks in various pubs across Britain; it was easy to escape when you could just apparate anywhere in the country. He understood Ginny's reasoning; she needed time to herself. He was all she had really ever known in a mature relationship. She loved him, but that wasn't enough. Sometimes people had to find their own way, and Harry respected that. Especially after everything they had lost in the years past.

So as he took another shot of Firewhiskey in the Hog's Head, he eavesdropped on other people's conversations to ignore his own internal dialogue. There was a girl sitting across the bar. She never looked in his direction, and Harry did not mind that at all. It was new for him. She kept downing shots and raising her hand for more. Aberforth gave her more with no objections. Harry watched as Zacharias Smith and another wizard he was unfamiliar with approached the girl as they waked into the pub. Her bleach blonde ponytail whipped around as she turned to look at them directly.

"So where's your lover boy?" Zacharias taunted, "I figured he would be here."

"Not now, Smith," the blonde replied, "I would prefer to drink without hearing your voice."

"And why is that?" The wizard Harry didn't know ask, "Because he finally dumped your ass for some new fine ass?"

The blonde stood up from her seat to defend herself, but she didn't draw her wand. Harry was not sure what came over him, or why he suddenly felt the need to defend this stranger, but he made his way over to them. Without looking the girl in the eye, he kissed her cheek and wrapped his arm around her waist. He half expected her to push him off, but she didn't. It was probably because of what he said next.

"Hey babe," Harry said casually, "Sorry it took me so long. I got you another shot."

He offered his full shot glass to the girl, and she tentatively took it. She still avoided Harry's eyes, but Harry watched as her red lips touched the rim of the glass.

Zacharias Smith started laughing. That's all Harry could focus on. He felt his eyes turn into slits. Harry had never liked Smith, and this was just adding to his reasons not to. He knew what it felt like to be taunted like this poor girl and-

But his thought process was interrupted once Smith finally decided to speak.

"Harry Potter is dating Pansy Parkinson? I cannot believe this shit!"

Harry was about to pull away from the blonde in surprise to look at her, but she kept him pinned to her side.

She turned her head to finally look him in the eye, and he recognized her now instantly. He would remember those blue green eyes anywhere. They were the same eyes that stared him down in the Great Hall for years. They were the ones that tried to turn him over to Voldemort with no remorse. Chills ran up Harry's spine. She had just dyed her hair. He could not believe this.

Harry wanted to take it back and protest, but Pansy spoke before he could.

"There's a thing called forgiveness, Smith," Pansy replied smoothly, "Maybe you should try it out sometime."

Harry watched as the stranger rolled his eyes and Smith huffed.

"Whatever," Zacharias retorted, "But I cannot wait to see the articles Rita Skeeter comes up with about this. They have been following your sex life for weeks, Potter."

Harry knew he should have replied, but he didn't know what to say. So he kept quiet, and he just glared at Zacharias quietly.

Pansy moved her hand down his arm and grabbed his hand. Harry had the urge to push her away, but he needed to keep up their ruse. He may have hated Pansy Parkinson, but he himself did not want to look like an idiot in front of Zacharias Smith of all people.

"Let's go, hun," Pansy said, "We don't need to deal with these assholes."

Harry nodded in fake agreement, and he followed her out of the pub. He could hear Zacharias laughing as they walked away, and he could feel Aberforth Dumbledore's eyes trailing after them.

Once they made it outside, Harry dropped Pansy's hand and backed away from her.

"Oh, what is it, Potter? You don't want to date me now?" Pansy asked. She had a devilish grin spread across her face as she went into her bag and grabbed a Muggle cigarette to light it up.

As she took a puff, Harry glared at her. He hadn't stopped glaring ever since he saw Zacharias Smith.

"I-I thought you were someone else," Harry told her, "I definitely wouldn't have done that if I knew it was you-"

Pansy rolled her eyes and started walking down Hogsmeade. It was after midnight and the streets were dead. Harry decided to follow her.

"Saint Potter," Pansy drawled before she took another puff of her cigarette, "Who would have thought you were my savior? Just so you know, I could have defended myself. People have been mocking me about Malfoy for weeks. Just because he cheated on me with that whore Astoria Greengrass. I'm a strong and independent woman, and I definitely don't need the Chosen One acting all high and mighty in my honor."

"Then why did you keep up the ruse?" Harry challenged her, "You could have said I was full of shit and got a good laugh with Smith and his lackey."

Pansy stopped in the middle of the street and turned to look at him. She was about his height, Harry realized, and smoke was billowing in the air between them. She dropped her cigarette to the ground and put it out with her boot.

"Because I think we can help each other."

Harry perked up his brow and didn't say anything, he let her continue.

"I see the shit Skeeter has been writing in the Daily Prophet about your break-up with Weasley. I get what it is like to have someone over-analyze your lack-of sex life. For once, I finally understand what is bad about being in the spotlight. So why don't we fool them all? Let's keep up this ruse, give Skeeter a run for her money, and come back later with an article of our own saying we fooled them all. It can be a wonderful story about how a Slytherin and Gryffindor become partners in crime to take down evil. Wouldn't that be beautiful?"

Harry could hear the sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"As appealing as that sounds, I will have to pass," Harry told her, "Working in close proximity with you is enough to make me sick."

"You kissed my cheek just fine," Pansy commented, "And I saw the way your pupils dilated when you looked into my eyes, Potter. I'm not stupid."

Harry felt himself blush.

"I-I am not attracted to you," Harry replied defensively, "And I don't like to lie to people."

Pansy ignored the last part of his statement, "I never said it meant you were attracted to me. There are many reasons pupils dilate. I was more hinting at the fact that you could even look me in the eye. You haven't for years, not since you-"

She stopped talking, and Harry knew why. She was thinking of the same thing; the night he took down Voldemort. Harry swallowed.

"If I take you up on this offer," Harry explained, "I don't want it to last for long. Two weeks, tops."

"It needs to be at least a month to make it convincing," Pansy argued, "You are definitely not the type for flings, and the public knows that."

"Why would you-"

"Ginny Weasley is obviously the only person you have slept with."

"That's not-" Harry tried to stammer, but Pansy gave him a deadpan stare.

"Draco might have been my one true love, but we had many break-ups. I have definitely slept with my fair share of men and women."

Harry was intrigued by her women comment, but he let it slide.

"So what do you say, Potter?" She asked him one last time, "Are you in?"

Harry knew he was crazy to do this, but if it meant getting Rita Skeeter off his back, how could he resist? He had nothing else better to do anyway.

"I'm in."

Harry was woken up the next morning by someone banging on his door. They did not stop after one knock either, they kept doing it until he yelled that he was getting up. It was the worst way Harry could have started his day.

As Harry rolled out of bed, he mumbled to himself angrily as he stubbed his toe on the way to his door. When he opened it, Pansy Parkinson was standing there.

Her newly dyed blonde hair was up in a bun, and she was wearing a black low-cut summer dress. Harry tried to look anywhere but her chest. She didn't ask politely to come in, she just pushed past him and Harry rolled his eyes. He quickly looked outside his front door to see if anyone had seen them, but it looked like no one had. He shut the door and turned around to see Pansy sitting on his couch.

"Good morning to you, too," Harry greeted her sarcastically, "This couldn't wait until the afternoon?"

"It's noon, Potter," Pansy told him, "I tried sending you multiple owls. When you didn't respond, I took matters into my own hands."

Harry looked over at the window sill above his kitchen sink. There were multiple letters piled there waiting for his reply. They all displayed an elegant scrawl. She hadn't been lying.

"What do you want? Can't I at least get a day to think our whole agenda over?" He asked her.

She pulled the Prophet out of her bag and held it out to him. He grabbed it from her and opened it to the front page.

It was a picture of Pansy and Harry holding hands as they walked out of the Hog's Head with the caption, "The Boy Who Lived with the Girl Who Wanted Him Dead?"

Harry rolled his eyes and handed it back to her, "They could have come up with a more creative title at least-"

"That's what I said."

Harry snorted and Pansy laughed. After they finished, it was awkward to realize they had agreed on something for the first time in their lives and even had a similar sense of humor. Harry tried to ignore it.

"So what now?" Harry asked her, "I'm not necessarily the strategic type that takes advantage of situations-"

"That's obvious. Granger was always the brains behind everything."

Harry scowled, "I also contributed-"

"-with brute force."

Harry didn't reply to that, he just stared her down. The intensity of her look made him uncomfortable, but she didn't look away. She was clearly studying him, and Harry hated being a case study. He had been one his whole life.

"I figured we could plan out our public appearances," Pansy finally started, "Let's go out tonight. I made us a reservation."

"Already?" He asked her, "How did you already-"

"Some people get up before noon, Potter. Grown adults, that is."

Harry glared at her again, but she ignored him.

"Just be ready at six tonight. I'll meet you here. Dress nice. I'll give you more of the plan later as I think of it. You clearly aren't someone to brainstorm with."

Harry was about to protest, but she stood up and apparated out of his living room on the spot.

What had he gotten himself into?

It was 5:55 pm and Harry was a nervous wreck. He wasn't sure why he was nervous. This wasn't a real date. He convinced himself it was because it was going to be all over the news again in the morning. But Harry was used to being on the front page, it was nothing new.

Harry put on his suit jacket as he heard the light knock on his door. He took a deep breath as he went to open it.

Pansy Parkinson was in front of him wearing a tight red velvet dress. She was wearing the same lipstick from the night before, and her blonde hair was down in long waves. Harry had never seen her with long hair before. She had always had it cut short during their days at Hogwarts. He must of have been staring at her for too long, because she pushed past him into his flat and said, "Close your mouth, Potter. You're drooling."

Shaken up, he touched his fingers to his lips to see if she was being serious. Of course she hadn't been.

As he turned around, she was staring at him again.

"You clean up well," she commented, "I'm surprised."

"You do too," Harry blurted, "I mean- for a bitch."

Pansy snorted, "How original of you."

He felt his neck heat up and awkwardly crossed his arms, "So are we going to go now or not?"

"Yes," she told him, "But you're clearly a mess and horrible at this kind of thing, so just follow my lead, alright? I have no idea how you saved my ass last night on the fly at the bar-"

"So you admit I saved your ass?"

She rolled her eyes as she linked her arm through his, "I'm not admitting anything, Potter."

As she led him out of his flat to apparate to the restaurant, Harry grinned.

Once they made it to the restaurant, Harry could hear their whispers. It was apparent that the whole wizarding world now knew about his relationship with Pansy Parkinson. He grinned to himself as he imagined their shock when they came out with the truth.

Pansy laced her fingers through his as they approached the hostess.

"Reservation for Parkinson," Pansy told the girl. The girl looked at Harry like she was starstruck, so Pansy snapped in her face.

"Yes, I know my boyfriend is beautiful and has the most distracting eyes in the world," Pansy commented, "But we'd like our table."

The girl glared at Pansy as she grabbed their menus. Then she smiled at Harry and said, "Right this way."

Pansy chose a table in the back that was still visible to everyone else in the restaurant. They would just be unable to hear their conversation. She was smart. It would leave people wondering. Harry thanked the hostess as they sat down, and he watched as Pansy crossed her legs.

"You'd think you have never seen a girl before, Potter," Pansy teased as she looked down at her menu, "You can't keep your eyes off me."

Stumbling on his words, Harry replied, "I-I'm just playing my part well."

He watched Pansy's lips turn into a grin as she continued to look down at the menu, but she didn't say anything.

After the waiter came and took their order, Pansy whispered to Harry, "Take my hand."

"What?" He asked her.

She rolled her eye and did it herself. She grabbed his hand so it was on top of the table for everyone to see.

"Now talk to me about something, anything," she directed him, "But use hushed tones, it needs to look sensual."

Pansy leaned forward in her seat so their heads were closer together. Harry gulped as he got a closer look into her eyes.

"Why did you dye your hair?" He decided to ask.

"Why do you think?" She asked him, "So people might not recognize me when I go out. The Draco scandal was just-"

"Overwhelming?"

Pansy nodded, "But I'm over it now. It has been a few weeks."

"I get it," Harry told her, "When Ginny just up and left-"

"Why did she leave?"

Harry wasn't sure why he was telling Pansy Parkinson these things, but he realized he needed to talk about it, so he continued, "She needed to experience more of the world. All she had ever known from a serious relationship was me. I mean, she dated other guys before but-"

"I was that girl to Draco a few years ago," Pansy admitted, "That's what I think made him cheat on me with Greengrass."

"Astoria always seemed decent-"

"She's a slut."

Harry didn't say anything more, but looked down at their interlocked hands. Her nails were painted red like her dress and lips. He wasn't sure what else to say, so he just took a sip of his wine. He felt Pansy's eyes on him.

"What is it?" He asked her, "Why are you always staring?"

"I'm trying to figure you out," she told him, "You perplex me."

"How so?"

"I thought I always had you figured out in school, but now-"

"Now what?"

She hesitated, but she was about to respond as the waiter came up with their food. She let go of Harry's hand, and suddenly, he missed her touch. But he tried to bury that thought down, too.

Their dinner date went as planned, and they walked down Diagon Alley hand in hand as the sun went down. They didn't say anything for awhile, but they heard the whispers of other wizards around them. Their plan was going to work, Harry could see that now.

Once they turned the corner and were alone, Harry finally decided to ask Pansy, "Did you really mean what you said to the hostess? That I'm beautiful and have the most distracting eyes in the world?"

He was teasing her, and he hoped she caught that in his tone. He watched her roll her eyes, but she didn't look at him.

"There is always some truth to lies," she responded vaguely, "I had to keep our ruse up."

Harry wasn't one hundred percent sure what she meant, but he just nodded. They walked in silence again until they reached his flat. When they reached his front door, she turned her body so she was facing him. She was so tall that they were eye-level again, and all Harry could think about was how her eyes made him think of the sea by Bill and Fleur's home. How had he not noticed all these things about her before?

"Goodnight Potter," she told him, "I'll see you tomorrow. Or I can give you the day off?"

He realized she was asking him if he wanted to see her again so soon. He realized he did. He smiled at her but looked down at the ground. He wasn't ready for that kind of vulnerability just yet. "Yeah," he replied, "I'll see you tomorrow."

He glanced back up and watched as she hesitated, but she slowly leaned forward and kissed his cheek, just like he had done to her the night before. Her cheeks were rosy once she pulled away from him, and when she stepped back to apparate home, he swore he saw a faint smile spread across her face.

Maybe this ruse wouldn't be so hard to keep up after-all. Maybe Pansy was right about what she said to Smith the night before; he should try forgiveness out sometime, especially when it involved Pansy Parkinson.