#Absence Makes the Heart

[stormcellarmag]

Arlandis Jones: Big Shoe Dance

We’re champing to be get back on the shoe on the other foot, or something like that. Here’s “Big Shoe Dance,” a gem of a personal essay from Arlandis Jones: [continue reading…] This CNF piece originally appeared in Storm Cellar 8.2, available as an ebook over in our shop (print sold out).

[starry-bi-sky]

Okay so this is almost a direct copy-paste of my earlier reblog but only the Xin Yuan parts, because its long enough to be its own post and i want to share it! It deserves it's own post <3 typical starry stuff to write a 2k word long reblog, unfortunately.

I say almost because I went through to proof read and ended up adding more stuff.

I've been cooking on this idea for the last two days since I saw the Xin Mo!Shen Yuan post but??? I can't find anything on Xin Mo's backstory or how it came to be -- which means that's free fucking plot right there baby. That's a sandbox and im making LIFE SIZED CASTLES. I'm so excited.

The idea of Shen Yuan transmigrating centuries before the events of PIDW as Xin Mo -- but when he wakes up, he's not the sword. He wakes up in the body of a young boy named Xin Yuan. Now it makes sense for this boy to be a demon, but the drama, the intrigue, the spice of Xin Yuan being a human child.

SY wakes up as a boy below the age of ten, and the System tells him where he is, and SY is excited to meet his favorite protagonist -- only to gradually realize that he's like, a thousand years or so before the events of the novel. The rant he gives the system is legendary.

Bc what's the point of getting dropped into PIDW if he's never going to meet his favorite character??? This is a scam! BUT he settles into his new life, he's like, some orphan street rat or some other tragic airplane-esq backstory.

The system gives Shen Yuan his first mandatory quest: become a righteous cultivator. Which was like, kinda his plan/hopes anyways, except! There's like?? No official cultivator sects anywhere? The Cang Qiong Mountain Sect hasn't even been established yet, and there are pockets of cultivators running around, maybe some groups or schools popping up and then sinking back down, but nothing's really taken root!

If he asks someone how to become a cultivator, there's no straight answer. No "oh you can go to X to do that". He's pissed! How can he become a cultivator if there aren't any schools around to teach him? Deus ex machina, that's how.

Out of sheer luck, SY manages to help save a rogue cultivator, and promptly gets adopted by said rogue cultivator, who gives SY the name 'Xin Yuan'. He is ecstatic. And you know what? It's actually pretty fun!

He's getting to travel the world of PIDW in its early stages, and gets to see the building blocks for the eventual main story. He's discovering all this local flora and fauna that are foreign to his old world and unmentioned in the book, and he's learning cultivation! Granted, its unsafe, newly(ish) discovered cultivation, but it counts!

Wistfully, he thinks about perhaps he'll do something grand and get his name carved into legend. Something that would eventually help the protagonist later down the line in his quest for revenge.

The system remains silent to his thoughts.

But Xin Yuan doesn't take much stock in that daydream anyways. It's nothing more than fantasy to him; wish-fulfillment. He does discover however, that he is positively brimming with spiritual energy. Overwhelmingly so.

It's both a blessing and a curse, as it puts a strain on his meridians if he's not careful, and leaves him prone to qi deviations for the exact same reasons. He already has a heart demon or two from a few traumatic experiences in the past.

(bc hey! angst a day keeps the writer sadism at bay, and all that)

I'll say he's about... eight when he gets picked up by the rogue cultivator, who I'm calling Lin Kai bc he deserves a name. They travel around PIDW up until Xin Yuan is twelve, where he goes through a traumatic experience that results in a heart demon.

It's after that that Lin Kai decides to put a stop to his wandering, and find a place to settle down to raise Xin Yuan in. Coincidentally! They settle down in a nice mountain region that's thriving with spiritual energy. The mountains at the time were called something different, but they will be eventually known as the Cang Qiong Mountain Sect

Coincidentally, the mountain Lin Kai and Xin Yuan end up on is Qing Jing Peak. XY does not realize that the mountain he's on is Qing Jing. The System does not tell him. But he likes it there, more than he was expecting. And as much as he's traveled around, he really does enjoy being in one place.

He has a tendency to go down the mountain and help the village setting up down there, and when he's a teenager he starts venturing out more and more.

Xin Yuan forgets sometimes that he's in a novel, especially after settling down on Qing Jing peak. The system becomes remarkably quiet since there's no quests for him to do and not a ton of opportunities to get B-Points. He cultivates with Lin Kai, helps tend to the garden they're growing, goes down to the village to play with the other kids.

There's one boy he's best friends with, a boy whose not all that good with words, named Liu Zhihao. He's got potential for cultivation though, so Xin Yuan drags him up the mountain when he can so that Liu Zhihao can sit in on lessons with Lin Kai. He drags him all over the forest at the foot of the mountain to go look at bugs and animals.

(One time, when they're fourteen and Liu Zhihao has been learning cultivation for a few years now, Xin Yuan drags him out of bed late one night to go look at the stars. Xin Yuan tells Liu Zhihao about ascension -- something that still feels like a far off dream to many in this time -- that night, while they're sitting on the wet grass.)

("We should ascend together." Xin Yuan tells Liu Zhihao, jade eyes gleaming. Never let it be said that Xin Yuan doesn't love deeply, no matter what kind of love it is. He was always so lonely as Shen Yuan, Liu Zhihao is his best friend. "We'll become immortals, and then we won't ascend until the other is able to.")

(Liu Zhihao stares at him silently, his face unreadable. Then, quietly, he asks; "Promise?")

("Promise.")

When he starts adventuring outwards, further away from the mountain and the village, Liu Zhihao sticks to him like rice. Not that Xin Yuan's complaining, that's his best friend after all, and Liu Zhihao has become a formidable cultivator. He deserves to show off his skills.

He starts making something of a name for himself by the time he's, like, 18 -- although that name is in its baby steps, along with Liu Zhihao. They're slowly growing renown.

Perhaps XY uses his knowledge of PIDW and cultivation in general to help make advancements in the cultivation field. Although the system prevents him from sharing too much, it doesn't mean he can't practice it himself. Perhaps he's one of the first cultivators to develop a golden core. One of the first known immortal cultivators. One of the first to have a spirit sword.

(Although I don't know the logistics of any of this since my knowledge on xanxia/cultivation stuff in general is all still pretty new and google wasn't all that helpful lol.)

Either way, its my excuse to eventually make Xin Yuan come across as ethereal to other people. Peerless beauty SY for the win. Hs wifebeam is too strong, Xin Yuan has a line of suitors following after him and he's completely unaware of it. The rest of history is not.

Demon realm stuff has been stirring up since Xin Yuan was a kid, but at the time it was rare and in the beginning stages. Its been steadily ramping up and the system is sending him on more and more treacherous quests -- some of them mandatory, some optional. SY doesn't often take the optional ones unless it comes with a sufficient B-point reward.

for all intents and purposes though, he's a wandering rogue cultivator with Liu Zhihao, going from place to place to either help a town or village, or to discover more creatures or artifacts (although there aren't that many). Just all around living his life. He participates in a few major quest lines that are sure to get him mentioned in legend, even if it's a background character way.

(Unbeknownst to him, rather than being a side character in these legends, he's named directly. You can't become one of the first immortal cultivators and NOT get name dropped for clout.)

He has a spirit sword named Shā Mó, (杀 shā - to kill/weaken/counteract/reduce) (魔 mó - evil spirit, demon, possession). He routinely goes back to QJP to see Lin Kai, or to rest when traveling has worn down on him and he wants nothing more than to sleep somewhere he knows he'll be safe in. It becomes more frequent as Xin Yuan becomes more famous. Liu Zhihao often comes with him.

it all comes to a head though when the rifts between the demonic realm and the human realm become too great, and the balance between both realms becomes unstable. A demonic emperor's influence, wanting to merge the two realms so he could conquer both to satiate his own greed.

Typical evil king stuff. This comes to a climatic head in a great battle between every cultivator available and the demon emperor's army. Xin Yuan was one of the many who helped lead the charge.

In the end, it was Xin Yuan who ends up defeating the demonic emperor, but the rift that the emperor used to cross between worlds is destabilizing as well. Except instead of trying to close, it's getting bigger and bigger, threatening to swallow the heavens and earth and demonic realm whole.

You know how Yue Qingyuan's soul is bonded to his sword due to a qi deviation? Let's take it a step further >:)

Xin Yuan uses himself and Shā Mó to close the rift. However, it takes all of his spiritual energy to do so, as well as him filtering the demonic qi into his body to redirect it back to the demon realm.

In the end, Xin Yuan and his beloved sword Shā Mó fuse. Xin Yuan's soul becomes trapped in the sword. His physical body is unable to handle the immense amount of power it takes to close the rift, and is destroyed. He is immortalized in legend by his grieving cultivators.

(Liu Zhihao ends up ascending alone. He ascends with the hope that one day he'll see Xin Yuan again, even if it's in the face of someone else. Lin Kai does not ascend, too weighed down by the grief of losing his son.)

Xin Yuan, now Xin Mo, falls into a stasis. He's very confused and disorientated when he regains 'consciousness'. The system has been silent for most of his life, only popping up to give him mandatory quests, hints, points, or to answer any questions.

But once he wakes up, it cheerfully pops up again, congratulating him on completing the origin story of Xin Mo. SY freaks the fuck out. he'd shake the system screen if he could, but he doesn't have arms. or legs. or eyes for that matter.

He can sense his surroundings, but its all like imprints to him. He can sense the energies, but he can't see anything. It's all very disorientating and horrifying after years of being human. Like a sensory deprivation chamber.

The closing of the rift and the cycling demonic qi tainted both Sha Mo and Xin Yuan irreparably, and it did some kind of damage that resulted in SY needing to feed in order to use the spiritual powers. Kinda like how Xuan Su uses YQY's life force for it's spiritual energy, but instead of feeding on his own lifeforce, Xin Mo feeds on others.

The rest is history. Xin Mo is originally tied to the story of Xin Yuan -- believed to be all that remained of the man after he sacrificed himself to keep the realms separate. It's believed that the force of the realms closing permanently infused Sha Mo with demonic energy, turning it into Xin Mo.

But, like many stories do when faced against the tide of time, things get lost; chipped off; changed. Xin Mo is steadily separated from Xin Yuan, especially once it becomes clear how parasitic the sword really is, until they are all but separate entities themselves and the origin of Xin Mo's creation all but forgotten.

The years blur together when Xin Mo is not being wielded, and at first Xin Yuan was agonized by the fact that he stole the lives of all his wielders. He knows it's only a novel, but his decades spent in this life have softened him, and he's grown attached to the world around him.

But time erodes the mind like water erodes stone, and he becomes numb to it, then eventually anticipating of it. He forces himself to remember what he knows of PIDW's plot, and kinda fixates back on his old obsession on Luo Binghe. But while PIDW stays in his mind, his memories as Xin Yuan fall to the wayside.

Not forgotten, per se, but... tucked away. The system prevents him from forgetting fully.

Xin Mo isn't fully a demonic sword either i think, but instead harbors an ugly cocktail of both spiritual and demonic qi. Special circumstances and all that. Everyone just assumes he's a fully demonic sword because that's usually at the forefront, his spiritual qi weakened from the initial fusion and from years of not being fed spiritual qi. It's part of the reason his wielders always end up destroyed by him, other than the whole, yk, 'overwhelming qi' thing.

Nobody would recognize Xin Mo's human form as Xin Yuan other than some truly ancient demons. Of which Meng Mo might. But even that's iffy because there's a lack of surviving paintings of Xin Yuan, but also because of XM's demonic appearance and supposed lack of connection to XY.

Xin Mo has never spoken to his wielders before, not in the same way he does Luo Binghe. He tells Luo Binghe this, and he also tells Luo Binghe down the line that he is both spiritual and demonic -- something he also never told his wielders because there was no point to it.

okay okay i've got to end it here because its already gotten ridiculously long -- of which im both apologetic and unapologetic for -- but i DO think the Shang Qinghua and Shen Yuan meeting (and reveal) would be fucking hilarious. Especially if SY has learned how to pop between sword form and human form by then -- although i guess it doesnt matter either way because SQH's reaction is still the same.

And that reaction is internally screaming and going "hey what the FUCK?? WHY DOES XIN MO HAVE A HUMAN FORM??? WHAT IS THIS??? SYSTEM??? EXPLAIN???"

meanwhile from his place on the sword hilt xin mo is squinting at Shang Qinghua in bewilderment and going "aren't you supposed to be dead" but doesn't pay too much mind to it because its not like its going to change anything.

...up until he catches shang qinghua going "WTF" silently from his little corner while all eyes are off him. One moment SQH is standing beside his king, and the next he's been tackled to the ground by one wild-eyed, human-shaped Xin Mo.

everyone, including SQH, thinks Xin Mo is going to kill him. It is a surprise to everyone when he does not, and instead dissolves into deranged, uncontrollable laughter after spitting out some phrase in some ancient tongue and watching SQH's eyes grow wide in recognition.

[possamble]

Do you have any headcanons or thoughts about Falin having a crush on Marcille pre-canon? Especially during her later years at the school/the years she was with Laios.

Just full on "awkward and slightly gnc teenage lesbian has a massive crush on the touchy-feely girly girl straight best friend" tropes everywhere. Even better bc it's the "best friend is also the popular girl while lesbian is the slightly ostracized quiet one" dynamic in school. Falin gets so so so good at not having a heart attack every time Marcille gets in her personal space. But she's so resigned to never saying anything bc why would a girl as blinding as Marcille ever like her back. She also doesn't make an effort to get over it either, she's just content to be trapped in that stable dynamic of silently being in love with Marcille while getting to enjoy CLEARLY being Marcille's favourite person. She gets so used to it that it's almost just background noise most of the time-- it would have to be, unless she wanted to be freaking out 24/7 bc Marcille is so goddamn affectionate.

Her feelings also definitely change throughout the time that they're in school together-- at first it was this "whooaaah pretty older girl" puppy crush that you can clearly see developing in the flashbacks we get (I think she doesn't even like... realize her fixation on Marcille is romantic at all until years after it starts, when she's 12-14 ish and all the other girls around her are talking about crushes). But then they get closer, over the years Marcille starts getting really attached and letting down her guard, and Falin gets to see the ridiculous side of her. She gets to calm her down from her tantrums when experiments don't work out, or help her clean up when something explodes in her face. I feel like the progression of her feelings from "schoolgirl infatuation" to "unrequited love" probably almost exactly corresponds to how slowly Marcille goes from trying to keep Falin at a polite but friendly distance (like she does with everyone else) to her facade completely eroding as she becomes her cheerful and ridiculous self again for the first time since her father died.

That's probably the saddest part: Falin knows that she's clearly Marcille's favourite person on the surface level, but she doesn't quite fully grasp the enormity of what that means to Marcille. She doesn't get that she's the person who made the world colorful again for Marcille, that she is the first person outside of Marcille's family to really and truly make her laugh. She just thinks she's the beloved but dinky little short-lived sidekick, one of many that Marcille has had and will have.

Part of it is that, despite Marcille becoming such a clingy and affectionate best friend, I think her initial demeanour already did its damage. You see Falin being super adventurous and weird at first, bringing Marcille berries and other stuff, only to be rebuffed by Marcille exasperatedly saying she's working or looking kind of put off by it. And by the time you see her a little older, shes already quieter and better at masking -- and I'm not saying that that's entirely Marcille's fault (being the weird girl at an all girls academy for almost the entirety of her teenhood must have been brutal, my god) but she definitely learned that she's a potential nuisance to Marcille if she doesn't tone herself down. She learned that Marcille most likely sees her as a weird little kid following her around bc she has no other friends. And for the most part, she was never given any reason to unlearn any of that.

And that all very very smoothly transitions into Marcille being her "first love that was never meant to be anyway" when she leaves the academy. Chapter closed in her mind: she loved and pined from a distance and that was that. Every now and then she'll see another woman with Marcille's build or her shade of hair and be like ":( I miss her..." But then just kinda move on with her day. Same with when she's going through her own spellbook and finds a note that Marcille left her/correction that she made-- she'll smile fondly and reminisce about how much Marcille doted on her, and then move on.

Sometimes she thinks about contacting Marcille but convinces herself that it's too late (she spent too many months focusing on getting Laios healthy again and didn't mean to go no contact, but ah well). It's only when she has a practical reason to be reaching out that would also benefit Marcille ("Marcille is studying dungeons and we need a trustworthy mage to go with us to the dungeons") that she feels like she's allowed/that it wouldn't just be 100% a nuisance.

I almost think she didn't expect Marcille to reply at all, only to get a telegraph (or some in-universe equivalent of express mail, maybe magical pigeon carrier) that's like. EN ROUTE TO ISLAND. LETTER TO FOLLOW. and she freaks out like AAAA LAIOS SHE SAID YES WE HAVE TO CLEAN UP NOW.

I do think getting a response accidentally sparks a little hope in her, judging by the way she acts in the chp 57 flashback-- she's pouty that Marcille sees her as a kid, gets really worked up about being presentable, and then tries to play it cool when she actually meets Marcille (as if she didn't freak out and force Laios to shave while rambling a mile a minute about Marcille). She's an adult now, really and truly, and she's seen and survived things that her 18 yr old self would have never even imagined-- then all of a sudden, the person she was in love with since she was ten years old appears, and she's so desperate to be seen as mature and competent. She's trying soooo hard to impress Marcille with her newfound combat and dungeoneering experience...

Only to fall right back into their old dynamic. RIP. At least she gets the girl eventually, even if it takes dying twice and being the core catalyst behind an almost-apocalypse.

[writer-room]

Honestly the funniest thing about TDP to me is that Rayla for some reason always thinks Callum isn't 100% ride-or-die with her on any given situation. Seriously, she could decide she's jumping off a cliff and he'd do it too--oh wait.

I get that half of it is 'protecting' him but like. Girl he has been ready to die and kill for you since the first snake chain incident. It has not lightened up since. In fact its gotten worse. She's his special little guy and if anything happens to her he will kill everyone in the room and then himself. She physically cannot ever sacrifice herself for anyone because Callum WILL be following her straight into the afterlife in no less than a minute. I'm fully convinced he can and would go even further than Claudia and he'd barely have to think on it for five seconds before shrugging like "damn this sucks, can't believe I have to turn evil" "you literally don't have to--" "no I'm gonna"

And honestly I think that's peak teenagers first girlfriend behavior.

[marsobars]

Happy Birthday to Maxwell Car- FUCK THAT GUY Happy Birthday to JACK CARTER CAUSE HE DESERVES RECOGNITION TOO 💖🎂 Post-Constant Carter Family happiness is so fucking important to me they might not have much but they have each other 😫😫

-transparent version under the cut-

[respectthepetty]

Yuan was sick and still went to help Qian.

Yuan is being shipped off yet still defends Qian.

Yuan will call only to still be silenced by Qian.

Yuan suffers but still cares for Qian.

Qian doesn't even notice all the little ways that Yuan loves him.

But he will now that Yuan is gone.

[pepperpixel]

“put me on a pedestal and i’ll only disappoint you

tell me i’m exceptional, and i promise to exploit you

gimme all your money, and i’ll make some origami honey!

i think you’re a joke!!! …but i don’t find you very

fuuuuuuu~nyyy”

More tagr art!!! Assorted stuff this time! Featuring some cute chibi stuff. Some solo gaz’s, a lil uhhh. Comic of an altercation.. and a very belated Halloween pic I started drawing last Halloween and didnt finish lol. Also featuring lyrics from pedestrian at best cuz that song rllly rlly fits my ver of tak lol.

[daily-hanamura]

[nightcolorz]

The weird thing about reading TVC is that while you read iwtv for the first time, chances are you’ll eventually get really fed up with and tired of Louis as a narrator. TVL will be like a breath of fresh air after the emotionally exhausting experience of reading from Louis’s pov. But eventually, once Totbt or even Qotd hits, especially once you get to Memnoch, you’ll be groveling at Anne’s feet, desperate for some Louis. Every time he shows up to fulfill his meek housewife duties and give his batshit insane husband some advice that he will inevitably ignore you’ll start vibrating and screeching and rereading the 10 pages he appears on over and over again like your starving

[oscarwiide]

if i was sam i’d kill myself in that barn so i’d never have to live another day without dean. like yadda yadda let’s skip the sad montage of your life without him and go straight to spending eternity together <3

[omppupiiras]

Thinking about how quickly Käärijä made the crowd kneel down yesterday for the second Cha Cha Cha... i had kinda missed him doing that hehe so it was fun to get to do it again

[w3r3theli0nshunt]

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

𝐊𝐨̈𝐧𝐢𝐠 𝐱 𝐠𝐧!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐊𝐨̈𝐧𝐢𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐚𝐥. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐣𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐫𝐞, 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐊𝐨̈𝐧𝐢𝐠 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬.

𝐓𝐰! 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝, 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐞, 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐧 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐕𝐢𝐩𝐞𝐫, 𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡!

“Viper, this is König, do you copy?” The worry and agony buried beneath those words, the roaring of the radio that is squeezed tightly in your sweaty palm and your decreasing pulse in your wrists, you battle with your fingers to click the button to speak even if exhaustion outweighs the encouragement. Panting you lay helplessly on the floor, your gear feeling more suffocating than before and the bullet that lays submerged deep in the muscle mass of your shoulder and the blood endlessly racing down from the deep wound and onto your gear along with the intense nose blood from your broken nose. Bruises black and blue slowly appearing on sight, peppering your face and with your swollen eyes, you look up to the dull ceiling with hazy vision.

“I’ve…been…hit” With a hoarse voice from swollen airways, you gather all your strength and a little more to add. Mostly because you don’t wanna perish in the territory of your enemies. And if there’s someone you’d want to be carried into safety by, is König. The one who’s been secretly sneaking into your heart and stolen a piece, that greedy Austrian bastard. You can’t help but feel the warm tears flowing down your bruised cheeks, blending with the crimson, creating a bitter salty mixture and all proof of what state you’re in. Doomed and gloomed.

It’s like seven gunshots to the heart for König and the tears collecting at the tear canal. Emotions that has been suppressed for so long finally breaks through the cage and possess his un composed soul, not bothering to linger in his own despair and anxiety, he rushes. Kicking every door open with such force his now awakened emotions causes, holding a gun close to him to prepare to hurt the bastard who dared lay their hands on you. With oxygen stuck in his throat, desperately seeking the most important person he holds close in his heart, for a silhouette or the slightest sign of you. But he can’t stop moving or worrying, not until he’s next to you. And not until you lay in his arms.

“I can’t fucking lose you. Anyone, but you, my love” König mumbles as tears starts falling with a frustration growing in a rapid pace, until the spark in his heels vanishes and he stands as still as a statue, holding his breath as he spots his soldier squatting down beside your limp body. His fingers on your wrist, tears discreet in his eyes. He looks up at König and shakes his head with a downturned smile, notifying that there’s no pulse. You’re gone. Gone from this world. Far away where König cannot follow and that thought alone is what instantly sends him into mourning. Yet, he’s determined to hand over your life back to you. Reminiscing about the promise where he promised you that he’ll always keep you safe and that you told him to never give up on you.

And he’ll never do that. Not when you’ve torn down his walls and planted the seed of you in his heart that is growing day by day. He picks up your body with gentleness, anger fuelling his dedication to make the enemies suffer for what they’ve done. Taking away his liebling from him like this. With your cold body in his arms, he dashes towards the helicopter located on the rooftop of the fancy looking building. Settling on the helicopter, he insists holding your body close to him as if there’s still life in you, even if the other’s tell him that it’s time to let go.

“König, Viper is gone. I know it’s tough, but reality’s reality”

“They are not gone! And I will not let them die! Fuck! Scheize!” König holds you closer, his warm tears falling onto your battered face as he dries your own. Heart aching so cruelly knowing that you passed away alone and afraid. But he refuses to believe the truth in their words. And he refuses to give up on you, not after he’s tried everything. Your life is worth more than gold and because of König’s own selfish reasons, he cannot let you go.

He’s helplessly rushing after along with the doctors who is pushing the infirmary bed with your body into an operating room. Two doctors have to hold König back in order to stop him from going in and after a few pleads and tears, he obliges. Watching as they perform CPR on you, the lines remain straight on the vital signs monitor and all numbers are zero. The nurses shouting in panic by the lack of response. They pull out a defibrillator and set it on your chest, with a few reactions. Your body bending by the electricity coursing through your weakened muscles and it’s all on repeat, König stares in horror worried that they might give up soon. Refusing to blink, everything must be witnessed by him.

But after a miracle or something along those lines, after four rounds, the vital signs starts changing. Beautiful curves and numbers increasing, with the nurses’ smiles under their masks, confirms that they’ve successfully resurrected you. König sighs in relief and his lips curve into a small smile, seeing this opportunity to catch up on so many breaths he’s been missing out on. His agony, fear and mourning has stopped. All displaced, all forgotten. You’re the only person his mind contains off. But the sight of your battered bruised, dead body still haunts him. A memory he wish to forget, a feeling so miserable and blood curdling it sends shivers down his spine.

Sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall knowing that you’re breathing behind him in the room. He buries his face in his hands, finally accepting his feelings towards you. Like a sore loser he was, he is actually happy that the feelings vanquished this time and given all you’ve been through. Wandering in the darkness where you were once cursed to remain forevermore, but returned back to earth where König is located, you deserve to know the truth.

There’s darkness, silence, coldness for four whole weeks. The coma has been a trick to you, tricking that you’ve gone, but in reality your mental form floats somewhere else where your soul can recover along with your physical scars.

“Commander, where is Viper? I heard they were cleared” König can’t suppress his excitement of finally being able to meet you again, look into your beautiful eyes and with your presence alone, he has been missing for way too long it almost feels like it’s been a year. Sitting all alone in his office, on comfy chair that became uncomfortable, while pondering only about you. The absence of you is only growing the flower in his heart that has bloomed, how it misses its other piece and how it’s torturing it.

“They’ve retired and sent in the papers. I believe they’re at the airport right now, flying back home” It only take mere seconds for König to comprehend and for his boots to rush towards the given location.

Holding the steering wheel as if his life depends on it, eyes heavily focused until he spots an airport. Not wanting to linger, he rush inside, eyes fixated through the folk mass until he spots your arm in a mitella, holding onto a suitcase with your available hand while standing in a line to board the plane. Swallowing his anxiety, he instinctively run towards you. Feeling the void in his heart slightly sealing together by your very presence.

“Y/n! It’s me, König!” His smile curves up to his cheeks as he sees your shocked expression as soon as your eyes land on his tall figure that is easily spotted through the folk mass.

You run with your suitcase towards him, forgetting about your place in the line who’s now been replaced. Wrapping on arm around König’s broad waist, feeling the warmth radiating from his arms that instantly wraps around yours. It’s a tight embrace, but he loosen it when you groans in pain with mumbling apologies. He’s just happy that you’re in his arms again, this time alive and on the verge of healing properly. You back up a little bit to meet his blue eyes who’s looking back at yours won’t amour and devotion.

“I thought I wouldn’t get to see you again” You start, the relief visible in your carefully chosen words that makes König secretly blush under his mask.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily, Schatz” He chuckles and you join in. With a silence between the two of you, exploring the depths of each other’s eyes, seeing what the two of you are hiding beneath those orbs. And what emotions that lays suppressed, stored away for better opportunities.

“I’m sorry….For worsening the mission. Commander told me that you were the one to carry my dead body back. You held your promise…of never giving up on me” Tears are once again awakening in the tear canal, making your eyes turn red. How your love for König can grow so rapidly by his actions, the success of the mission put on risk because of him. Because he wanted to save you. Because he wanted to hold the promise that were supposed to come out as a joke and yet….

“No! Do not apologise to me, I won’t let you….This man here, is so damn in love with you and is prepared to take any risks if it means that he can keep you alive and well” Your heart stirs and waver, your mouth hanging open in shock, but a little elation hidden. You shift between his eyes, looking for any signs of deception but only find honesty.

König breaks the eye contact with you and is desperately avoiding your eyes, embarrassed by his impulsive yet honest words. He was speaking from his heart, but the immense desperation and the plan he carved and executed came out a lot more different than calculated. Now replaced with agony and fear that you might reject him.

“I’m so sorry, liebling. I was not thinking clearly”

Frustration, fuelling your desire to make a move on König since he’s clearly not gonna do it. You sigh by the idiocy of this Austrian giant as you place your hand on the back of his head and force it to your height, lifting his mask up and letting go of it. The two of your faces anonymous to the people roaming the airport, you press your lips against his. Trapping him in a passionate, burning kiss in the humidity that makes the mask boil with heath. After a few seconds of being stunned by the sudden approach, he gives in. Letting his dreams come true. Feeling the softness on your lips on his as he sneak his tongue through your teeth, rubbing against your bulgy tastebuds. Groaning in approval when he feels your tongue dancing along with his, spreading each other’s tastes.

Trapped in the heath of the moment, people staring in confusion seeing two faceless bodies, the mask moving with two heads bulging out in sync with movements. But you and König are floating in the skies of ecstasy, despite your physical forms still remaining in the reality of the world. You pull away, two of you panting heavily, recovering from the loss of breath.

“You-you did not have to do that, Schatz”

“Well, König. This person standing here, is so damn in love with you that they’ll do anything to reassure you of it. Now kiss me again, it’s been so long”

And König obliges happily to that command. You completely ignore when the announcement of the gate to your flight is closing through the intercom, you have no desire to return back home if it’s not with König.

But to your obliviousness, König has also planned on retiring just to get a safe, harmless future with you. The thought alone has been like a bullet shooting through concrete, numbing everything that has ever felt impossible. And it’s all because of you.

Because that man, is so damn in love with you.

And you don’t complain about it.

Because you feel it too.

[guiltymepleasures]

Well, he hadn't seen Sol for 15 years in the original timeline but he never forgot her so...

[ashton-ryder]

// int. loft #905 quarantine suite 2, room 2 - morning. 24th march. @pxtitxrosx

The moment the 48-hour quarantine was lifted, pretty much everyone quickly vacated the rooms they've been locked up in to escape the growing cabin fever, the outside team locked up together due to the lack of space and influx of new survivors, all still under the watchful eye of Val. Ash himself bunkered down with some of the people that were outside of the building; he wished he had the time to grab a book or something before they got locked up but their entrance back into the building had been a lil.. chaotic and dire. At least the company was good, thanking the universe that Ruth was okay, Aggie stuck mostly to Jer silent throughout the two days, and Jer- it's always nice being with Jer. Even though they mostly spent it separated in silence, resting and recuperating after the shitty day they all had.

Ash had let everyone else in their suite peter off first while he still sat on the bed in the room alone, not really too desperate to get out and meet other people just yet even with the temptation of breakfast, and he doubt anyone would really be looking for him anyways. His shoulder burned more than usual from the inside while every other injury seemed to be on mend, his left shoulder had always been the stubborn one even after 5 years, hoping to sort this out before he trudge down those flight of stairs back to his own apartment, eager to just give the breakfast a miss. He simply popped a few anti-inflammation pills Ruth gave him, pulling off one side of his sweater to redo the loosening shoulder brace, "-sh fuck," he muttered to himself with a hiss, using his one good hand to retighten the straps, struggling to reach behind.

"Yeah I'll be out of your hair soon Val-," Ash felt another present come into the room but with his back facing the door he could only assume who until he turned around to see Charlie by the doorframe. He didn't really know what to say to her after not being able to say anything to her for so long. Instead he just pulled his gaze to the floor, and dropped his hand, mentally prepared whatever wrath was coming his way, quietly murmuring, perhaps she's just looking for her brother, that's the more likely case anyways, "Jer went upstairs already." Felt weird and almost sore to say, with the Roses always having lived on the same floor. Her oncoming words can't hurt more than his fucking shoulder right now, or it might, he couldn't be sure.

[gabriestat]

sorry that one eric + luke interview of both of them talking about 2x05 & daniel molloy makes me so crazy especially when eric bogosian says "I have existence dysmorphia. i don't relate to my own existence" because sometimes he doesn't recognize who he was and doesn't have a way to prove some events happened to him during his life. i need to have a margarita with this old man and talk about the show and this and listen to him talk for 5 hours straight

[pocket-notebook]

this is the first time I've drawn in a bit. I've been going through a horrible art block that's been several months long now ughhhgfh. I just wanna make art and have it be good!

Anyway, here is him :) sorry it's been so long