#AUTISM STOP. STOP IT. STOP BEING AUTISTIC FOR 10 FUCKING MINUTES!!!!!!!!!

[davrinassan]

autism and by extension special interests are bad actually because my ass cannot stop getting defensive about things i am passionate about. even against jokes. i'll eat you alive for no reason at all about a thing i'd kill a man over i am that passionate

[metalheadsforblacklivesmatter]

Today's contribution for Disability Pride Month

Obligatory "I don't have this disorder. I'm raising awareness because I'm so fucking sick of women that drink while pregnant bitching about how hard it is being an 'autism mom'". (Autism mom in quotes because a) it's probably not autism and b) the phrase "autism mom" to describe "mom if an autistic kid" is stupid.)

(I'm going to use the term "women" instead of "uterus haver" not to be exclusionary or transphobic. But because I have a severe headache effecting my ability to find words. I am trans-masc. Don't cancel me. I'm not a FART.)

(This is not to demonize people that suffer from alcoholism. Addiction is a very real disability. This is to raise awareness for one of the only known preventable birth defects and hopefully seek help.)

Thank you for the people at @bfpnola discord for checking my post to make sure this doesn't sound eugenics-y.

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD)

FASD (previously known as fetal alcohol syndrome) is a disability that can range from mild to severe dependant on how much the mother drank while pregnant. It only takes one glass of wine while pregnant to cause this disorder

I already know what the fuck this is. Why are you talking about it?

Because your only know about the severe cases diagnosed as fetal alcohol syndrome. You THINK you know what it is. But the reclassification has only come up in like... 2003? Fetal alcohol syndrome is like... the far end worst severity of FASD. And since the new information of it being a spectrum disorder, estimates have the disorder as high as 5% of the population (and I really think it's higher based on some information I'm about to share).

Fine. So what is this... spectrum disorder?

Very good! So this disorder is HIGHLY misdiagnosed as autism. So all those boomers bitching about "the rates of autism going up?" Yeah they probably caused it. Symptoms include low body weight, facial differences, poor coordination, difficulty maintaining attention, poor memory, poor emotional regulation, slower development, poor reasoning skills, issues with the heart, bones, and kidneys, shorter height, shorter head size,

I have all of those things. How do I know it's FASD and not the autism?

That's kinda the issue. The only real way you can know is ask your mom if there's ANY possibility she's had a drink while she was pregnant. I can't stress this enough IT ONLY TAKES ONE DRINK. For instance I have a lot of those issues, but my mom was so paranoid she wouldn't even dye her hair or drink coffee. Like there's NO WAY.

Like what do I do about it?

Mostly get your accommodations met and raise awareness. Like people are still actively drinking while pregnant because they are still under the pre-2000 belief that just a couple of drinks are okay. It's really not. Not to mention most women don't know they're pregnant until 4-6 weeks in. So they shouldn't be drinking if they're actively trying to have a child. Because that increases the risk.

What the fuck. People are drinking while pregnant? I don't believe you.

Each of these claims are linked.

30.3% of all women reported drinking alcohol at some time during pregnancy, of which 8.3% reported binge drinking (4+ drinks on one occasion)

According to the Center for Disease Control, one in 10 (10.2%) of pregnant women in the United States reports drinking alcohol in the past 30 days.

Despite clear evidence that primary prevention of FASD is possible if prenatal alcohol exposure is avoided, up to 80 % of women drink during pregnancy, many before pregnancy recognition

What? Women are drinking while pregnant? That's fucked up.

This is not to say people with FASD are lesser than.

But all of this "curing autism" when most of this "autism" is caused by a pregnant person's ability to stop fucking drinking for literally 5 minutes. THESE WOMEN THAT ARE DRINKING WHILE PREGNANT ARE THE ONES CAUSING ALL OF THIS GIVING "AUTISM". IF YOU DRANK WHILE PREGNANT. IF THERE'S EVEN A SLIVER OF A CHANCE THAT YOUR DRANK WHILE PREGNANT? ITS PROBABLY NOT AUTISM. ITS PROBABLY THIS DISORDER.

I'm just really fed up with all of these "autism moms" that also make "wine mom" jokes and making light of literal alcoholism bitching about how hard it is to be an "autism mom" because YOU'RE THE PROBLEM. STOP LAUGHING ABOUT YOUR ALCOHOLISM AND PUT THE DAMN GLASS DOWN.

But my parents are literally autistic

So they don't really know the generational effect of FASD because the new knowledge is so new. But since FASD is literally genetic issues caused by alcohol while you're in the womb. It's assumed that it can cause issues that are passed down.

But like this diagnosis is SO NEW that we really don't know much.

-fae

[kyngsnake]

the viscerally sexual sci-fi movies remain viscerally sexual

[Alien: Romulus spoilers]

Suffice to say I really enjoyed Alien: Romulus. The film had me hooked within the first 10 minutes by introducing a new angle with androids and the way they’re perceived by their human counterparts. To me, regardless of the writer/direction’s intention, Andy is an allegory for the experience of an autistic person who is also a member of a marginalized community. I prefaced this with to me because I have long been obsessed with androids and always associate them with the experience of being on the spectrum.

I found it refreshing to see an autistic-coded android character who didn’t go the route of cold, calculating and robotic. I love Star Trek's Data as much as the next android enjoyer, but that trope often reads to me as perpetuating the idea that autistic people cannot grasp human emotions & depicts low empathy people as sub-human. Andy’s behavior (prior to the module upload anyway) struck me as warm and kind but with a lot of struggle to connect with people or behave the way others around him expect a "normal person" to behave. I do enjoy rep for low empathy folks, but this depiction of an autistic person* (imo, anyway*) felt closer to experiences I can relate to.

I also think the movie handled the autism allegory well in that even people who treated Andy well- that being Rain- infantilize him. It’s only when Andy is more than capable that people stop speaking to him like a child— but at that point, they begin alienating him in a different way. Now Andy is intimidating and can't be trusted. I think that Rain loves him, and I think she means well, but I think that's also true of a lot of people with autistic adults in their lives who they treat like children. It's not often done with malicious intent, but it still happens.

I myself am still trying to come to a full conclusion on how I felt about Andy’s whole arc. I can say that it was the most impactful part of the movie for me. Loved that the whole thing ended on a hopeful note. The green light on his central processor chip almost had me in tears in the theater.

& with that, the end of Romulus was the kicker for me that cemented as my second favorite Alien movie. Visceral, intense horror and fighting for survival, insurmountable odds and claustrophobia-- but by the skin of your fucking teeth, you make it through.

Oh, and the xenomorph parts were great too.

But genuinely, I’m still sitting on how I felt about all of the birth and sexual violence and frequently yonic imagery. I have a lot of thoughts about it but right now it’s all soup. I liked it. I like abstract and visceral eroticism. And deeply unsettling but well-placed allegories for trauma. The way facehuggers keep you breathing remains for whatever reason the most unsettling thing xenomorphs do. Idk what it is, the intense forced belly breathing just gives me the fuckin heebie jeebies.

I guess a lot of people didn't like the hybrid baby design? I thought it was great. Folks are so familiar with the xenomoprh's design at this point, they're more cool than they are scary. And hot depending on who you ask. But the hybrid? The way they fell into a weird uncanny valley with the humanoid face and the splitting humanoid tongue, the ghostly pale skin... I thought it was a smart direction to go for making xenomorphs freaky again.

[catgirlforeskin]

I started playing modded Arma 3 with a halo unit and it’s basically just a tabletop campaign but you have 50 people at a session, and I don’t think I’ve ever played a game this autistic, every aspect of it feels like it was designed by somebody for whom that was their special interest, and expects all players to have that level of expertise.

I’ll give an example. One time I was with a squadmate in a trench and he got shot and fell to the ground unconscious, and there was no medic around, so I had to stabilize him. In most games, you’d just hold a button to revive them, or maybe you’d have to take out a medical kit and then hold a button, but here?

-First I put tourniquets on each limb that was bleeding and put a packing bandage in each avulsion to stop rapid blood loss.

-Then I checked pulse, and found one, so no need for cpr.

-Next I checked for breathing and found the airway was blocked, so I rolled the patient onto his back and started turning his head to clear any throat blockage. When this didn’t work, I tried hyperextending the head to allow for better airflow.

-After being stumped for a while, I check to see if the lungs are punctured and they aren’t, but I see the patient has “hypopneumothorax.” I then ask over radio “what the fuck is hypopneumothorax” and a medic says “oh shit” and starts sprinting to me to take over

And this was a relatively simple case. I’m not even certified as a medic. One time I got hit in the head with an APC round and got carried between 5 different medics, all of whom said something along the lines of “oh my god” “holy fucking shit” “oh you—you are ouchies.” I was sitting at a black screen hearing medics fret over me (and then repeatedly have to transport me because mortar fire was making the old medical tent unsafe)for at least 10 minutes.

Autism is beautiful ❤️

[latenightswaudiobooks]

With You Forever

Book 4 In Bergman Brothers Series

What it’s about: After a kiss with her crush (a grumpy self proclaimed recluse) during his family game of charades our heroine tries to distance herself from the Bergman family, but months later needing a get away she takes up her best friends offer on her family's "empty" cabin surprise surprise it's not empty and our hero is between a rock and a hard place. After a night of our hero being a graceful host his friends show up to help solve the problem. They unfortunately unknowingly divulge to our heroine. Now the two characters who are "in lust" with each other are in a fake marriage and living together for the next month while trying to stay as friends and keep it all a secret from his family.

Pages or Run Time: 10 Hours 47 Minutes

⭐ Overall Rating: 7/10 (Not particularly for me but it's still a good book)

🌶️ Spice Rating: 8/10 (More Spice then Book 2!)

Trigger warning for this one! Check the triggers listed in the book! (I never want to list them just in case I miss or forget one!)

Why to Read/Listen: Accurate representation of chronic illness and disabilities (Which I'm starting to think is Chloe's specialty!), sunshine x grumpy (Another one of her specialties! (and one of my favorites)), marriage of convenience (but is that the only reason 👀), the hero and heroine playing house, everyone knows they're in love besides them, and it's another romantic comedy with great banter between almost all the characters!

‼️ Beyond Here Contains Spoilers ‼️

My Thoughts: This one drove me insane, but kind of in a good way? They were just both so clueless towards each others obvious feelings even when others would spell it out for them. Which I guess in retrospect is cute I just was begging for them the whole time to just talk to each other about it. That was because A: They would get so close to doing it and then would stop themselves every time (which I guess could be intentional because one of them did have a thing for edging/depriving themselves which must of been beyond the sexual kind.) Finally though FINALLY they confess and then Axel misunderstands a situation and then has a bad reaction? (I wouldn't count it as a autistic meltdown necessarily at least if I had done it. I would say more of an overstimulation snap? (Not that I can blame him because honestly I would of done the same) Then Rooney just packs up and leaves? Like leaves the state. All I could think was "What the fuck" how did that play out so bad? I went into it thinking she was gonna ask him to let her stay permanently. Welp that is not how it went at all. It had the cutest redemption at the end so it was worth it. The journey that got me there though had me questioning it there. It did have the cutest fluff scenes, some great steamy scenes, and some deep and honest scenes about their illness and disability. There was one scene in particular that saved the whole book for me. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this book it just wasn't my favorite because I'm so impatient. I loved the characters though even if they did frustrate the hell out of me. Again that was just my impatience.

Favorite Character: Skyler, she for sure would beat me at candy land. That kid could rule the world if she wanted to.

Least Favorite Character: Skugga, that audiobook meow will haunt me for the rest of my life

Favorite Part: When Rooney asks to hug him and he basically says that he normally doesn't like hugs but he feels safe enough to hug her and he actually enjoys the hug. It melted my heart and saved the book for me.

Least Favorite Part: When Rooney just up and leaves because she did not follow Axel's boundaries and he had a valid and typical autism reaction to being put in a situation like that. She did not even give him a chance to explain just shut him out. I was livid. (I may prefer Axel 😅)

Favorite Quote: “I gave him a romance novel because they’re a safe place to step deeper into our emotions, the happy ones and the hard ones. To recognize and process complex, sometimes difficult feelings within ourselves that the world tells men, in all its gendered, toxic bullshit, we have no obligation to face and feel, when we really do. As humans, we owe it to ourselves to know our hearts.”

I will read more in the series! I'm actually working my way through one currently. Any guesses on which one?

[blue-jayyy8657]

(probably maybe spoiler alert for the movie nimona, probably pretty long post sorry i just have so many thoughts)

i watched nimona last night after buying and reading the comic almost a year ago now and can i just say

HOLY SHIT

because nimona is so almost creepily relatable and i just… love her so much as a role model and a special interest

she’s also so incredibly autistic coded??? like i saw her on screen and within the first five minutes i was like “oh yeah. autism”

is that weird? i hope that’s not weird

and the whole thing about shunning people who’re different? my first thought was just: oh yeah that’s a synonym if i’ve ever seen one… right?

anyways like the entire scene with (SPOILER WARNING?) young nimona and what’s her name? glimmer? glenda? something with a g? just AAAAAAAAAAA everything about it was so heartbreaking and beautiful and just i can’t stop thinking about it

but yeah these are just my little rambling thoughts on nimona i’m going to force the world to be subjugated to (look at me with my silly words)

ALSO I CANT BELIEVE I ALMOST FORGOT

THE CASUAL GAYNESS MADE ME ALMOST CRY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MONTHS

IT WASNT QUESTIONED, IT WASNT WEIRD OR FORBIDDEN, IT WAS JUST TWO GUYS BEING CUTE AND GAY AND I WISH I HAD MEDIA LIKE THIS GROWING UP

yeah… so im completely normal about nimona :)

anyways official rating: 10/10 holy fucking shit i love it everything about it is just so MWAH

i love the art and animation style as well, it was so pleasing for my brain, just something about it made my happy chemicals go brrrrrrrrrrrr

im gonna stop ranting now :,)

tl;dr i really love everything about the new movie nimona on netflix (GO WATCH IT PLEASE IM BEGGING)

[jinxedshapeshifter]

Yknow what. I'm gonna make this post because I saw a Twitter thread and I think it's important.

Allistic people need to stop co-opting clinical terms for AuDHD experiences.

Hyperfixation and special interest are both clinical terms used to describe experiences exclusive to autism (in the case of special interests) and ADHD, and neither of them are fun to experience. Let's go over the two terms before I go any further.

Special Interest

A special interest is a usually lifelong interest exclusive to autism that usually starts in childhood (and is part of the diagnostic criteria; I don't remember if it's required or not). An autistic person can have multiple special interests as far as I know. Personally my primary special interest is zoology, and has been for as long as I can remember. I have an additional special interest in neurology that started because I had a seizure when I was 10 and I've been fascinated by neurology ever since, to the point I'm tempted to try to become a neurologist myself (technically this special interest is actually in medicine in general but I had this seizure and sorta honed in on neurology in addition to having a special interest in medicine lol). From my experience, the intensity of a special interest can wane and wax over time, but they're a constant in your life. For me personally, my special interest in zoology is more likely to be prominent if I'm hyperfixated on something involving animals (like Sonic or my furry OCs).

Here's the thing though: I have been subtly implied to be a predator because of my extensive knowledge of animals. I'm literally just someone who does way too much research on animals because of curiosity and fascination. In addition to this, while I definitely don't mind (it's an integral part of who I am, and people asking me to share that part of me makes me super happy), I've been treated as an actual zoologist amongst my friend groups and even in my family. I don't mind it as long as people acknowledge that I'm not a professional when it comes to animals, but it bothers the fuck out of me when I mention I don't know something and get told "well, aren't you super into zoology or something?"

Hyperfixations

Hyperfixations are like a more intense, shorter term version of a special interest that's not exclusive to autism. It's common for people with ADHD to end up with hyperfixations too. There is a slight difference between hyperfixation and hyperfocus; a hyperfixation is usually an interest that lasts months (although I've had some that last mere weeks and I'm sure hyperfixations lasting shorter amounts of time than that aren't unheard of), while hyperfocus is being so incredibly focused on something that doing anything else is out of the question. The two usually overlap but don't always.

Examples of things I've been hyperfixated on:

Undertale

Deltarune

The Good Doctor

Animal Crossing

Sonic the Hedgehog

Dungeons & Dragons (pretty sure this is a special interest at this point. If it goes dormant it does not take long for me to get back into it. It also feels like a more casual interest but I am Not Normal™️ about the Forgotten Realms lmao)

Ninjago

Again, hyperfixations aren't fun to have. I lost sleep when I was hyperfixated on The Good Doctor because I would stay up all night and watch it. I watched all 6 seasons (averaging 20 episodes each, with 45 minute episodes!!!) within 3 weeks. That wasn't healthy (which is kinda ironic in hindsight considering The Good Doctor is a medical drama but MOVING ON). I lost sleep when I first hyperfixated on Undertale in 2017. Losing sleep over hyperfixations ISN'T FUN. I just want a normal sleep schedule man.

Similarities Between The Two

From my experience, the biggest similarity between hyperfixations and special interests is with both of them, you can't really help what your interest is. It's why I hate it when people get upset with autistic people and people with ADHD when they have "problematic" interests (glares at everyone who gets upset that people are still interested in Harry Potter). I am very much aware of some of the issues with The Good Doctor. I was aware of them when my brother offered to watch it with me and we stayed up watching it until 3am. I still got hyperfixated on it.

I got hyperfixated on plane crashes a few months ago. Some people might not see how that's problematic, but aside from me also losing sleep over that one (this time for more than just staying up all night watching a show related to the interest), the ones that fascinated me the most and still do (aside from British Airways Flight 009)? The ones that were deliberately (or planned to be deliberately) taken down. Pan Am Flight 103. Philippine Airlines Flight 434. FedEx Flight 705. Air France Flight 8969. Germanwings Flight 9525. It fascinates me. But seeing people be shamed for special interests and hyperfixations deemed "problematic" also makes me feel bad even if I'm not specifically or directly being targeted.

Special interests and hyperfixations aren't some "uwu cute interest" we can control the topic or intensity of. I've hyperfixated on things to the point of forgetting to go to the bathroom until I'm almost too late to. I've hyperfixated on things to the point of forgetting to eat and drink. I've hyperfixated on terrorists taking down planes. My special interest in animals goes beyond just "man, animals are cool!" I have spent hours researching animals and their behavior, diets, reproduction, everything and it leads people to the wrong conclusion. All I want to talk about is what I personally am interested in. I had to physically stop myself from asking my grandpa to buy me new dice because yeah, gaming/campaign dice are another special interest I have, and that's not fucking cheap. The dice I was tempted to ask my grandpa to get me were almost $10 for a set of 3 at Walmart, and I wanted two sets. My grandparents aren't really in a great spot financially, and I was already asking for a $15 dice tower. I broke my ability to write regular stuff because I hyperfixated on HTML too close to the sun and my brain kept going "okay, but where are your <p> tags?????"

None of it is something I can control. That's why it's a symptom of a fucking disorder. You think AuDHD people are gatekeeping the terms special interest and hyperfixation? Fine, fuck you. You're just downplaying what those terms mean.

I've been refusing to watch anything except D&D: Honor Among Thieves because my autism brain personifies everything and I feel like I'd be betraying something if I watched something else, ended up fixated on that something else, and lost interest in D&D.

Hyperfixations and special interests aren't a fucking joke. They're fucking debilitating. I shouldn't be getting so focused on something that I forget to pee because I forgot my body does that in the first place and my focus being interrupted should not make me irritable, or borderline ANGRY.

"But what if --" IF THIS SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING YOU EXPERIENCE THEN YOU DON'T COUNT. I'M SPECIFICALLY TALKING ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO TALK ABOUT BEING ABLE TO BE INTERESTED IN THINGS A NORMAL AMOUNT AND STILL CALL IT A HYPERFIXATION OR SPECIAL INTEREST. If you don't LITERALLY MAKE YOURSELF SICK OR HAVE UNHEALTHY HABITS BECAUSE OF AN INTEREST, it's not a hyperfixation, and if you don't have autism, you can't have a special interest.

[rockets-capris]

Some black youtubers I like you can support

So I’m not a very big blog. Obviously. But I figured what little influence I have I can use to direct people in this time to some underrated black creators I like since I spend all my time watching YouTube and feel free to add as always. Also this was originally supposed to be in order of sub count but that didn’t work out at all.

1. Jarvis Johnson.

Probably one of the most popular creators on this list with over 1 million subscribers but extremely funny and if you haven’t heard of him and you like comedic Cody Ko-esque commentary videos, go give him a sub. He’s reacted to many of the same channels Danny Gonzalez and Drew Gooden have such as Troom Troom and 5 Minute Crafts. He’s also a software engineer which is pretty badass.

2. Lana Summer.

Does mainly fashion and hair related videos but is very chill and easy to listen to. Sometimes I like to put on her videos while I’m doing things even though I 100% have straight hair and she does mostly curly hair tutorials. But she’s covered a large umbrella of beauty topics in her videos and if you’re the least bit feminine it’s highly possible she’s covered at least one topic that’ll be useful to you. She’s very pretty (lowkey crushing on her) and lovely and I enjoy her channel a lot.

3. The Curly Guy.

A highly underrated channel that does content similar to Lana’s but for guys! He’s a guy with long, curly hair and talks about how to take care of it. I am always here for nontoxic male positivity and getting more guys involved in taking care of their appearance. It’s very sweet to watch. He’s also reviewed bad hair products which we all like to watch bad reviews of things on YouTube, right, and once pierced his ears at home. So. Idk about you but that sounds great to me.

4. Jolie K.

We’ve got some black queer representation in here! She’s a queer woman who makes videos about queer women. She hasn’t uploaded in a minute but I think she’s still worth supporting. She’s done some cool story times about being gay as well as some beauty stuff.

5. Honest.

Honest is a drama channel run by a black guy who talks about drama between music artists and sometimes youtubers. He’s not only a black person in the drama side of YouTube but he’s a black man in the drama side of YouTube two demographics that feel excluded from that world. If you do like drama videos like Teaspill, it’s cool to support a POC in that world. I can’t say I agree with everything he says but that’s drama channels for you.

6. Ranting Minority.

This guy’s super new and super underrated! He makes spicy political content, is extremely eloquent and chill, which makes him good to listen to, and is a leftist. If you can’t stop watching left-tubers like I can’t, I would totally recommend this guy. He makes videos on racial and societal issues from a liberal and anti conservative perspective. He has less than a thousand subscribers, so I’d highly advise giving him a sub.

7. MacDoesIt

So this guy is also one of the more popular on here. Basically if you watch any LGBTQ+ content on YouTube at all he pops up. He’s like the Strange Æons of the mlm community in that respect. He’s super funny, does reaction videos, does some very comedic red carpet fashion reviews, just if you haven’t subbed to MacDoesIt, what are you doing?

8. Kat Blaque.

Kat Blaque has been under fire for certain opinions before, but all in all she’s a good leftist, political youtuber who is also a black trans woman. She does videos on LGBT+ issues, racial issues, lots of other things, and is a smart, beautiful lady. Basically you can’t be a political youtuber without being controversial so, decide for yourself if you wanna support her, I personally do. Also I am not a trans woman but I know trans women who have said she helped them figure out certain things, so that’s good.

9. Rickey Thompson

A black gay comedian who does story times and random funny videos. I also think he’s an ex viner. I’m only a comedic fan of this one but I do know he’s very handsome and I came from his LGBT+ story times. Just someone you might wanna check out. He’s kind of like Mac in some ways just like. Much chiller.

10. WiseJae

I love how this is a mix of semi popular youtubers and super obscure youtubers I like for very specific reasons. WiseJae is a very small youtuber with a little over a thousand subs last time I checked but she does videos about jobcorps and trade school and has recently started making videos about college. So basically. A cool guide for how to get your life started if you’re a young, low income adult or late teen. She’s also got a very pretty accent, soothing voice and . . . is just so fucking beautiful . . . so. So gorgeous. So like. If you’re like. 18. And you’ve been thinking about a place like jobcorps but don’t know how to start. I would say her channel would be the first place I’d go for information.

11. NotYourMommasHistory

I actually love historical fashion. And this black woman named Cheyney is a historical reenactor with a focus on African and African-American history, and often overlooked part of history and fashion history in general. She’s done stuff like historical head wraps and similar as well as talked about serious issues like sexual harassment. Most recently she did a video on white people misrepresenting Martin Luther King Jr. Basically if you like channels like Rachel Maksy, Bernadette Banner, or our meme mom Karolina Żebrowska, you’ll probably like her. Or maybe you’re just curious about African history. That’s cool too.

12. Rebranding Autism.

Black autistic rep! Jen is a black autistic woman who talks about autism, the struggles she’s faced and she was literally sent to the notoriously abusive Judge Rotenberg center and talked about the atrocities committed there. She’s amazing and has also made vlogs about her life, made advice videos on mental health that are relatable for many people not just people with autism specifically, tho certainly those too. She also makes music.

13. Tater Tatiana

Small youtuber who is in the anti Onision community. She reviewed Onision’s shitty books. She writes, does drama videos and does beauty videos as well. She read Onision fanfiction on her channel, Lilee Jean tried to take down her channel and she bounced back. I highly recommend the channel, I love Tatiana and I’ve loved watching her channel grow these last few years.

So, that’s my list, will definitely add more later, I hope this didn’t come off as pandering or me thinking black people are charity cases, which they aren’t, this is simply me, a white girl, trying to share some black creators I enjoy instead of just spouting my opinions on tumblr, since I come from a privileged place.

[soprie]

How Not to Speak to Autistic Clients

RMT who currently has her hands on my naked body: So what seems to cause your tension?

Me: Well, autism. I have sensory problems and so my default is to be on the defensive all the time and be clenched and tense.

RMT: Well, you’re very high-functioning!

Me, In default avoid-all-conflict exhausted disability advocate mode: Haha, actually we don’t tend to use those terms anymore because they’re just not very applicable! You see, I may appear high-functioning, but I’m tired and stressed all the time, and I can’t even make a trip to a busy place like a grocery store without becoming worn out. Haha, how high-functioning is that?

RMT: But at least you can speak!

Me: (long pause while this kinda washes over me)

Me: Uh, what do you mean by that?

RMT: Well, some people can’t even express themselves.

Me, still desperately in no-conflict advocacy mode even though I am paying $90 to try to relax: haha, actually, everyone can express themselves, we just need to be able to listen :):)

RMT: Oh, well, some people can’t even speak, so life must be very hard for them and (some other bullshit my brain couldn’t take anymore)

Me: Actually, you need to stop. You need to take your hands off of my body and leave.

What I can’t really express in text here is the minutes I lay there, silent, just... accepting her utterly ableist bullshit. It was so resoundingly offensive I had to take a hot minute to even comprehend it. I almost swallowed it, as I usually have to do, but I finally decided, no, I’m not going to pay a hundred bucks to be touched and insulted by someone who has no fucking idea who I am or what I’ve been through. How dare you throw all autistic people under the bus and simultaneously erase my struggles while vilifying non-verbal autistics. 

Fuck you. Fuck you and the fact that you claim to provide care but you are exactly the person that gives me such stress and tension every day that my jaw is locked and my back is killing me. 

I put my clothes on and left the office just sobbing. I have been trying to find care and compassion for so long, I’m just exhausted. I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of fake hippie liberal fucks that are just as offensive as any right-winger out there trying to take my rights away. 

---

Ok, let me edit this post to add:

If you are a professional working with an autistic client, especially in healthcare, but even mundane stuff like hairdressing

1) YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO ANY INFORMATION ABOUT US. Not even healthcare officials. You get what information we choose to disclose.

2) DO NOT ASK FOR INFORMATION ABOUT MY DISABILITY THAT ISN’T DIRECTLY RELATED TO THE JOB AT HAND. If I am going to my doctor to ask for antibiotics for an infection or whatever, my autism is not relevant and should not be brought up or questioned.

3) FUNCTIONING LABELS ARE BAD. Never use them. Just because a person “seems” smart / capable of work / speaks does not mean they aren’t disabled or are “high functioning”.

You must understand that disability is a community. Autistic people are a community, no matter what they are capable of or not. When you say “Wow, you mus be very high-functioning” you are saying something like “Wow, you’re so much more attractive than your sister!” That’s... so rude? It’s only a “compliment” in that it tears the other person down and drives a wedge between them. Functioning labels are so, so bad.

4) TELLING US “but you seem so smart” OR “you don’t look disabled’ IS NOT A COMPLIMENT. You are being patronizing and you are judging us based on your own ignorant preconceptions of what disability is or looks like. Every disabled person struggles in their own way, and we are taught by society to HIDE our disabilities in order to not be mocked and discriminated against.

5) If we mention being disabled because it is relevant to our health or service, DO NOT MENTION OTHER DISABLED PEOPLE YOU KNOW. It’s gross and embarrassing. Like, if you wouldn’t ask an Asian client if they know *insert your random other Asian friend* then don’t do that with disabled people. I don’t know your cousin’s sister’s autistic nephew. I don’t care. I’m here for a haircut.

As well, you could be outing someone who does not want to be revealed as disabled. Just like how LGBTQ people should not be outed for fear of discrimination or violence, do not “out” disabled people unless they give you permission to be public with their identity. We face REAL, VIOLENT consequences for being disabled in this world. 

Do not treat that knowledge so casually.

6) Aside from instances of gross ableism leading to general mistrust of client relationships, some autistic people don’t like small talk. Just cut my hair / give me a massage / whatever I paid you to do. I’m not paying you to annoy me with useless chatter that drains my energy.

7) If your client is silent, DON’T KEEP PRESSURING THEM TO TALK. It is extremely uncomfortable, and you probably said something fucking horrible and bigoted and we’re trying to be polite

8) DO NOT TREAT AN AUTISTIC PERSON GIVING YOU DISABILITY INFORMATION AS SMALL TALK. If I am saying “I need the room to be quiet because I am autistic and have sensory issues” This is not me telling you this for funsies. This is NOT an opportunity for you to chime in "yeah, I sometimes get headaches, too! haha" and then continue on without addressing my needs. I am making my needs known, and you need to either accommodate them, or tell me that you can’t and I will take my business elsewhere.

9) An Autistic person making accommodation requests is NOT an invitation to grill us about our lives or our disability. I have told you what you need in order to do your job. I am not inviting you into my life, or my diagnosis, and you may not ask about my disability for your own entertainment.

10) CHECK IN. ASK IF YOUR CLIENT IS COMFORTABLE, and don’t just assume that they are. If a client tells you they are uncomfortable, you are giving them poor service and they should not have to just swallow it down because you don’t know how to accommodate disabled people.

If you received a poor tip or no tip from a disabled person, you probably gave them really shitty service. We do tip. We appreciate good work. But disabled people often receive such poor care and service that we are emotionally hurt or in pain at the end of things. It is terribly depressing when you try to get a haircut and the stylist is so rude and ableist you just want to never go back. 

11) If your client tells you to stop, STOP!

[atomicwizardyouth]

Getting diagnosed with ASD as an adult

 Okay so I need to get some stuff off of my chest.

So I’ve only recently (~2 years ago) been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD/Autism) and I got that diagnosis at age 22. Now how did I get this diagnosis you ask? Great question! I didn’t want to get tested for anything, I just needed someone to vent to so I could get rid of the fucking suicidal idealisation.

Oh but OP, it can’t be that bad? Fuck off. I went through hell in my teenage years with people dying every. Single. Fucking. Year. after I turned 13. It’s a long story, it usually takes 30-60 minutes to give people the short version so I’m gonna skip that for now.

So here’s what I figured out that sucks about autism:

- I don’t feel stress, I just feel headaches and muscle pains and then I need to figure out if it’s because of a whole list of reasons or just cuz of stress

- Apparently I am more sensitive to sounds, visual stimuli, light and smells than a regular person which causes me to be stressed out a lot quicker than a NT human. Yeah this is fucking great when you can’t feel the stress build up!

- I have low empathy and seriously struggle with the entire ‘putting myself into someone else’s position’ because I just can’t understand what it’s like for them (please don’t ever cry near me, PLEASE)

- My world is very easy: predictable = good, good = healthy schedules & taking care of myself. Unpredictable/changes = bad, bad = no energy, no structure & I basically ignore all of my bodily signals. That’s bad! (won’t eat and stuff like that)

- Logic is my standard reaction, if logic doesn’t work it’s immediate anger. Yeah it fucking sucks, I know, but I can’t fucking control it any more than I already do. What is a ‘minor inconvenience’ for a NT person can be a “PRESS THE BIG RED BUTTON FOR RAGE” for me and then I need to throw something, or break something because otherwise my head gets stuck in a feedback loop of anger, resentment & regret and then it gets WORSE. 

- I am always doing something with my fingers, hands or legs because otherwise something is wrong

- If someone messes with my schedule it can ruin my day and if it’s a big thing it can ruin a week or MORE and there’s NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. If you want me to do anything give me ~24 hour warning and I’ll be 100% fine. If you tell me at 8pm that my 9pm plans need to be changed? Be prepared to deal with stressed/anxious/angry me!

- I am afraid of what people might think of me now I’m labelled with something that’s this permanent and uncurable, so I am constantly anxious (working on that with therapy tho)

- People that break very clear rules around me make me FURIOUS, this is especially relevant during the pandemic. People that wear masks under their noses and people that don’t keep 1.5m distance suck a lot! People that don’t follow traffic laws (A RED LIGHT MEANS YOU STOP YOU FUCKHEADS) and it’s very rough to figure out that other people don’t see it like this and that I’m the ‘weirdo’ in this case. 

And now here are the good things!:

- I have a very strong long term memory where I can clearly recall details from conversations, things I learned or from random things if my brain deemed them important enough at the time. I can still vividly remember things I learned in elementary school and once that memory gets triggered I can recite that knowledge like I’d just read it (but it ONLY works if the memory gets ‘properly’ triggered)

- My logic & reasoning skills are very good!

- Languages are easy to pick up (apart from French, fuck French) since you just kind of learn the rules and then follow them and then you have a functioning language! (I’m fluent in Dutch & English, I’m passable in German and currently studying Danish because I want to)

- I’m great at finance & law! Rules rules rules rules rules they are SO NICE and it’s great to be able to follow rules to help people make sense of the insanity that law & finance is. I’m able to see minute details that are off (11 euros in a 10 million budget and that intuition of “something is OFF HERE” whenever I just look through finances and calculations. Also please play boardgames with me but GIVE ME THE MANUAL, PLEAAAASE. I absolutely love reading through them and then remembering all the rules and then I can explain them to everyone!!!!!!!!

- Hyperfixation on fun projects and stuff!!!! I absolutely love being able to just close myself off from the entire world to do something that my brain thinks is great to do at that time! That can sometimes be videogames (looking at you, civ 5 sessions that last 12+ hours for a few days in a row), something creative or even reading! I love to just jump into another world (especially magic!!!!) and just live through those books for a few days/weeks at a time

And just some general things:

- It’s great to see that talking about mental health has become more accepted in the online communities and it’s becoming better irl as well! I feel absolutely validated by some of the stories people have shared here on tumblr, but also on reddit and it makes me feel accepted and it makes me feel like I still belong in this world!

- Suddenly a lot of the stuff I did as a kid is now easily explained by “ah I was being an autistic kid at times” instead of trying to figure out why I did things differently or had more problems with certain things (seriously, fuck any art class that made me make an ‘original’ product, I can only IMITATE STUFF)

- Life is too short to be scared of your own disorders, so learn about them and try to deal with some of your shit and (hopefully) your life becomes a bit better :D

It’s tough for me to see the good instead of the bad (human brain being fucky and a bit depresso) but I hope some of you can relate to this or find this and figure out that you’re not alone!

[autistic-characterhcs]

Autistic!Wayne (P1)

I wrote this back at the start of summer and thought I should post it here. It’s the introduction for a fanfic I started and kind of dropped from a show called Letterkenny. I think the main character, Wayne, is Autistic. He has some symptoms that are all but text book. 

Warnings: Stronger than usual swearing langue. If you watch Letterkenny, this oneshot is cleaner worded than any given episode. 

Wayne had been diagnosed with Autism when he was eight or ten. His parents knew there was something a little “off” with him but it was Pa’s friend, Dan, who tied everything together. They were going hunting- Dan, Pa, Darry, and Wayne that is- until the trip got rained out. If it was just rain they would have gone but thunder and lightning put a pin in any notion of sitting in a metal framed deer blind.

Pa and Dan didn’t mind that much; they sat at the table chatting with Mumma over a couple of Gus’N’Bruno’s Puppers. Darry was watching cartoons in the living room with Wayne and Katy. Well, sort of. Wayne was mighty antsy and couldn’t sit still for long, so Darry was trying to calm him down. Wayne wasn’t upset the trip was cancelled, they could reschedule. He was irked the plans had changed within an hour’s notice.

“You know, Bens, I thinks Waynes got the Autisms.” Dan said. 

The three of them could see Darry shuffling a deck of playing cards on the coffee table while Wayne watched, his foot bouncing a mile a minute and he kneaded the knees of his pants like he was trying to wring water out of them.

“What’s that now, Dan?” Mumma asked, getting a snack for the kids. 

“Well, I was thinking an’ it fits. My cousin’s nephew’s son has it and Waynes acts sort of simulars to him. Theys both stoics, gots to has a water-tight routine. Theys both move their hands sorts of funnies.” Dan explained. 

Mumma and Pa looked at each other. “What do you figure, honey” Pa asked. “Worth looking into?” 

“If there’s something they can do to help him.” 

Within three appointments Wayne was diagnosed with Autism. Same as always, gas travels fast in a small town so by the end of the week most of Letterkenny knew.

*****

As Wayne, Katy, and Darry got older, peers started bullying Wayne and Darry more. Come middle school, the three of them were pretty good at fighting. However, little gangs often sprouted. If someone picked on Wayne, Katy and/or Darry quickly taught them not to fuck with him. If someone went after Darry without reason or went too far with Katy, Wayne told ‘em where to go. By the time Wayne and Darry graduated high school, most of Letterkenny understood.

*****

When Wayne and Katy’s parents died, Wayne went nearly nonverbal for almost two weeks. He wasn’t one much for words in the first place, so the one and two word answers scared Katy. Wayne hadn’t cried after a week of Mumma and Papa’s death and Katy didn’t know if he was going to; she’d never seen him cry before. 

Two weeks passed before he finally crumbled. He was making breakfast for himself, Katy, and Darry (with some extras for Dan). He’d forgotten to do the dishes the night before, so the spatula he needed wasn’t clean and it drove the final nail in. 

He threw the spoon he had in his hand across the room and a deep growl rose from his throat, his hands tugging hard on his hair. Katy and Darry both jumped when Wayne threw the spoon. Daryl jumped up from his chair and stood behind Wayne, getting a tight grip on his wrists. Slowly, Wayne’s fingers released his hair and Darry steadily lowered Wayne’s hands to his waist. 

“You’re okay, good buddy, you’re okay.” Darry whispered again and again. Once Wayne’s breathing was a little closer to normal, Darry let go of Wayne’s wrists and hugged him tightly. 

With a body shuddering sob,  Wayne’s knees gave out and Darry lowered them to the floor. He moved around Wayne so he could properly hold him as he sobbed. Katy quickly set to flipping pancakes on the stove so they wouldn’t burn. 

Ten minutes later when Dan came in, Wayne was still sobbing into Darry’s shoulder where they sat on the floor. At the 15 minute mark, the heart wrenching sobs that made Katy tear up quieted down and he’d sobbed himself out after a total of 25 minutes. He let himself be held by Darry, being a limp weight. 

Darry backed up slightly so he could see his best friend’s face. His eyes were red; his face red, blotchy, and tear streaked. “Okay, big shooter?” Wayne shakily nodded and Darry pulled him back into the hug. “Got a headache?” Darry guessed. Another nod. “Let’s get you in a chair an’ I’ll get you a tylenol, hm?” There was a pause but Wayne nodded all the same. 

Darryl got Wayne on his feet again and he brought his hands to his head again but Darry caught them around the wrists. “Wayne, eye contact.” He prompted. “Wayne.” Hesitantly, Wayne brought his eyes to meet Darryl’s. “Ya gotta stop pullin’ your hair, buddy. It’s just gonna make your headache worse.” Darryl kept his firm grip on Wayne’s wrists until he got another nod of conformation. As promised, Darry helped Wayne to his usual chair. 

No-one said anything about Wayne’s outburst and he took the two painkillers when Darryl put them in front of him with some water. No-one said anything when Wayne teared up throughout the day, either. 

Dan stayed over more than usual knowing what Wayne and Katy were going through. Dan stayed closer to Wayne and Katy too so he could cheer up the grieving siblings.

*****

Two months passed before a lawyer came knocking and  this fuckin’ idiot got Wayne fully verbal again. 

“We think it would be best to move your sister into a group home,” the case worker said. 

“Hard no.” Wayne didn’t pause, still moving the bales of straw onto the trailer. “This family’s been broke up enough. Katy isn’t going anywhere.” 

“We’re just worried she won’t be provided for with your mental cond-” 

“This doesn’t have anything to do with my Autism. If I was unfit to care for my sister, I’d be unfit to care for myself and someone at the hospital would have told me before I turned 18. We’re staying together.” 

“Mr-” 

“Look, I can take care of my sister just fine. ‘Sides, if it’s me yer worried about I’m never alone with her. Go ask Darryl, Squirrely Dan, and the McMurries what they think. Darry lives with us, he brings in some pay o’ his own and we have friends we can ask for help from if we ever needed it. Give me the papers and I’ll take custody over Katy. She ain’t living under someone else’s roof until she’s 18 or good’n’ready to be living somewhere else.” 

“Are you sure? That’s a lot of stress and burden for someone your age. Especially with you still running the farm.” 

Wayne stopped moving bales of hay and set his stern, squinted eyes on the pair of caseworkers, pointing stiffly at them. “You call my sister a stress and burden one more time an’ I’ll have to go over there and talk to ya.” He put his arm down. “Get me the adoption papers or get the fuck off my property.” 

“We don’t have the papers right now. We didn’t think you were going to…” 

“Then get off my property. Come back with the papers or don’t come back at all.”

*****

Wayne dated Angie for two years before he found out she cheated on him. He wasn’t a fan of being touched by anyone other than Darry or Katy. He’d been perfectly happy with their relationship. All the talking and occasional hand holding but nothing too out of his comfort zone. They’d kiss or make out sometimes but he always felt weird afterwards and he couldn’t pin it as a good thing or a bad thing. 

He heard rumours around town of someone cheating on a “sped” but he ignored it. Despite Letterkenny being pretty small, he didn’t know everyone, so it must have been pert near impossible for it to be about him and his Angie, right? Hard no. Katy told him it was true. She hadn’t mentioned left a bright pink hand print on the cheek of the bastard Angie had cheated on Wayne with. She figured it wouldn’t help her brother’s broken heart. 

It took a lot for Wayne to trust someone and Angie had somehow gotten herself into the farmer’s heart and then stomped it into the dirt when she got bored. Wayne didn’t cry but he didn’t turn down a hug from Katy either. Darry had been there for him too with a couple of Puppers and some stupid jokes he knew Wayne would understand and enjoy.

*****

A year passed before Wayne pieced things together for himself with a little help from Katy. He wasn’t one for talking about his feelings; it made him feel 10-ply. So when he went to Katy to ask questions about her love life, the young woman had some idea of what was going on. 

“How’re ya now?” Wayne sat next to his sister on the couch. 

“Good. ‘N you?” Katy put her phone down and gave Wayne her full attention so he’d know she was listening and wasn’t bored or wanted him to stop talking. 

“Oh, not so bad.” 

“What’s up, Big Brother?” 

“Well, I have a question and don’t completely know how to ask it.” He started off slow. He was still thinking as he spoke but Katy knew how to talk to her brother so she knew it sometime took him a little while longer than most people to get the question just how he wanted it. 

“We can figure out.” She adjusted how she was sitting. 

“You know how you try to go after Bonnie McMurry?” Wayne tried. 

“Bonnie McMurry,” Katy sighed dreamily. “What about her?” 

“Well, before you liked her you were dating the hockey players.” Wayne’s head was racing with how to ask the next part. “How’d you know you liked Bonnie and not another man?” 

Katy was a little taken aback. This was out of character for Wayne. Usually he wanted nothing =to do with Riley and Jonesy aside from tripping them with Darry when they dropped her off before they broke up. “Well, uh… just… I don’t know, Big Brother. There’s just something different, you know? Jonesy and Riley were good for in bed stuff but they didn’t have the brain space put together for a full conversation. With Bonnie, though, she’s smart and can laugh.” 

Wayne thought for a second. This was backwards of what he was going through. All Angie seemed to have wanted was the “in bed stuff” without much of the talking and laughing. Darryl, on the other hand… Darryl made him smile that rare smile only he and Katy- not even Dan anymore- got to see. Angie left Wayne for the exact opposite reason Katy had left the hockeyplayers. He was a good listener but didn’t want anything to do with a bed if it wasn’t for sleeping or relaxing and he didn’t want anything to with touching if it wasn’t a handshake. 

“What’s going on in your head, Wayne?” Katy asked fondly. She knew he was trying to figure something out. 

Wayne’s throat made the little growl it always did when he was thinking too hard. “I don’t know.” 

“Well, what are you trying to figure out?” 

“I figured out why Angie cheated on me.” He said, folding his arms across his chest. “I did not want any of the bed stuff.” 

“That’s alright; some people don’t.” Katy nodded. “Do you like someone else now?” 

“I think so. I don’t know if it is okay.” 

“Who do you like? I can probably tell if they’re into guys,” Katy offered. She knew not to push too far with the question. Wayne had come to her and he wasn’t likely to leave until they got it figured out. “It’s okay. I dated two guys at the same time where all three of us were in the relationship and now I’m chasing after a girl two years younger than me. I’m not in a position to judge anyone.”

“Except Gailer.” 

“Except Gailer.” Katy could give him that one. “So who is the lucky person?” 

“I think… I think it’s Dar.” 

“That’s alright. You two would be cute.” Katy smiled. She happened to know that Darry felt the same way about her brother. The fond and sappy look he’d give Wayne when he was playing with one of the dogs or joking around with Katy.  “You gonna get after him?” 

“I do not know.” 

“Why not? He wouldn’t judge you.” Katy prompted, tapping Wayne’s knee with her socked foot. 

“Because if something were to go wrong then it’s 20 years down the drain.” Wayne tried to reason. “I can trust…” 

“You can trust Daryl, Wayne. He’s one that won’t hurt you and you don’t even have to worry about it. Not even a little.” Katy comforted him. “You don’t have to tell him, but I think he’d want to know the truth, Big Brother.” 

It took Wayne a couple days to say anything- he didn’t really.  Just kissed him casually one morning- but he and Darry were dating by the end of the week.

[astargatelover]

Watching The da Vinci Code for the first time - A documentation

-  About to watch The da Vinci Code for the first time. It’s about 3AM. Back of the DVD says the movie’s almost 2h30 long. Will approximately be going to bed at about 6AM. I gotta be crazy.

- Back of the DVD also says (translated from German): In the middle of the night the (…) is (…) Langdon (TOM HANKS) in the (…) director was murdered. His (?) (…) that of the Vitruvian Man (…) is the first horrible clue (…) and symbols. At the risk of his life (something something) Langdon – and from then on it’s a normal description, it’s just that that part is obscured by the library stamp. So I can confidently say I totally know what’s going on in this movie! *serious nod*

- Third highlight of the back of the DVD: Ian McKellen, grumpy-looking monk dude and a guy looking like Palpatine. And the Louvre.

- Also in the movie: Some German I don’t know (but yay!) and Paul Bettany. He’s cool; I really liked him in A Knight’s Tale.

- Let’s get this show on the road!

- …gotta update my media player. One sec!

- There we go. …where’s the always-on-top button? Ah, found it! Light’s off in my room; cinema time.

- Music’s already nice in the menu.

- Audio: English. (More nice music.) Subtitles: (Hey, they have Turkish on offer!) Off.

- (They even have subtitles for the trailers. But no extras. Am miffed. What kind of bare-bones DVD is this?!)

- 20 minutes after the first “about” up there: Play movie.

- Fancy title cards.

- Dude running. He’s gonna die; I know that much.

- Paul!

- *sigh*

- Oooooh, it’s Robert. That’s a lot of applause.

- (Btw, in case you didn’t know: I have watched Angels & Demons because I love Ernesto Olivetti a crazy amount.)

- I like Robert. Awesome presentation.

- Also like Tom Hanks. He’s great.

- Accents, y’all.

- Latin? Latin. Italian? No, definitely Latin.

- Ouch. Self-flagellation. Ooooooouch. Some religious people are crazy.

- Dude, you can barely stand. I’m a sadist and I don’t want you doing that to you.

- We’re only 10 minutes in, my goodness.

- Claustrophobia! I relate to that.

- Just let the dude take the stairs.

- Wow.

- Priests.

- Have I mentioned I’m not a big fan of catholics? Nothing personal.

- Also: Autistic Langdon, symbology special interest.

- French.

- Sophie! Heard of her.

- Strange happenings.

- Oooooooooh.

- French lady. I don’t speak French.

- *window jump scare*

- We don’t trust the police guy.

- Conspiracies!

- Fuck.

- “Once he starts, he doesn’t stop.” He’s like Javert.

- Climb out the window?

- More French.

- Oooooooh! They’re so tricking them, aren’t they? They’re not dumb.

- Bye bye!

- I’m sorry for Sophie.

- (I saw that part where her grandfather got shot years ago.)

- Here we go with the anagrams.

- Eidetic memory (pretty much) - firms up my autism headcanon.

- Can you even get that close to the Mona Lisa irl?

- Tom Hanks has a really nice nose. xD

- Langdon’s so good with anagrams.

- It’s like a scavenger hunt.

- Ooh, Musketeer symbol.

- Chase music!

- Flashback with crazy meetings.

- A smart! I get to bop someone now.

- Ooh, Les Mis.

- Backwards! That’s impressive.

- She’s so gonna make it.

- She made it!

- Bye bye, mirror.

- Paul’s looking angry.

- Someone got stabbed. I sense guilt.

- More dead people.

- Holy water.

- A nun.

- A rose line.

- Is he gonna kill her? She seems nervous.

- MORE FRENCH.

- Red light zone.

- (It’s raining outside. Kinda sets the mood.)

- You stay away from that dude, nun.

- Saving a junkie?

- (Sophie’s a really nice name, btw.)

- He rambles when he gets the chance so much. Really reminds me of special interests. (And in case anyone takes issue with that, I should know. I’m autistic. I have them.)

- My parents just watched Knightfall. Now I know some about the templars’ fall.

- Sophie didn’t know they were supposed to protect the Holy Grail? Really? Huh.

- Moooooore French.

- Please don’t die, nun.

- That’s some scar under his eye.

- Those look like some anger issues.

- It’s the grumpy-looking monk dude.

- Seriously, I understand more Latin than French.

-  “Blood is being spilled” as he’s spilling wine, that’s great.

- Freeeeeeeeeench.

- “I don’t think he liked me very much. He once made a joke at my expense.” I relate to this guy so hard on the autism level.

- It’s the German dude.

- That’s some system they’ve got at that bank.

- You call that a rose?

- I’m with Langdon here. Safe passage?

- Aww, poor guy. I’ve got claustrophobia, too, and I haven’t even got a traumatizing event behind me. (I read that somewhere.)

- I like the driver.

- A lot. Nice one with the watch.

- Langdon, you look sick. Please don’t die, y’all.

- JESUS CHRIST.

- Poor Sophie. </3 Woah.

- How tf did that truck get there?

- That bullet. Smaaart move. *thumbs up*

- Ouch.

- Bye bye again.

- Do I like the police captain? I don’t know.

- The tea convo. xD

- Is Langdon like this in the books? I hope he is.

- How old is Sophie? *googles Audrey Tatou* (Ooh, Amélie!) *checks when movie was made* ‘bout 30.

- Yaaaaaas, Ian.

- Also please don’t die.

- (Both my faves in Angels & Demons die. I’m vorbelastet and can’t find a good English word for that.)

- Jesus was cool.

- Those helmets. Feathers!

- “Not even his nephew twice removed.” xDDD

- Is that paisley? *googles* It is. Nice!

- Just in case you’re wondering, I am typing this as I watch the movie. I’m not saying I’m not missing anything, but I like multitasking.

- *googles The last Supper* Wow, no cup.

- Genital symbols.

- Wombs open towards the ground, though. People with them aren’t constantly doing handstands.

- Have I mentioned one of my favorite movies is Dogma, which postulates that Jesus had siblings? I’m liking this conversation.

- “Companion meant spouse.” My gay ass likes this.

- If that is Mary Magdalene, though, which apostle is missing? Been wondering this for years.

- Scions. I like this.

- I’m all for sex positivity.

- Your time’s kinda running out, guys.

- Almost halfway through, now.

- Do you seriously believe they’re murderers?

- Why do you wear your police thingies like a blind man’s band?

- Was overall expecting a bit more running in this movie, I guess.

- Poor Sophie. This is a lot to take in.

- Beating someone up with crutches! Yas!

- Like, ouch.

- Do you happen to have a secret passage under your house? Would come in real handy.

- Oh, Zürich! Man, accents. Barely understood that.

- Frehehench.

- In my personal experience claustrophobic people aren’t generally fans of planes. That might just be me, though.

- Still don’t know Paul’s character’s name.

- We are leaving the country.

- That haircut. On the dude with the grumpy-looking monk.

- Does Jesus having a family beside his parents somehow make him less holy? *shrug*

- FRENCH.

- Police brutality?

- “Please”? Seriously? I understood that much and you’re a dick.

- This is, like, some Order of the White Lotus stuff.

- You need a mirror? You can’t read it otherwise? Huh. Well, I guess it’s just easier.

- I really like Lee.

- How many more ways can I angrily write French? (I don’t have anything against the language per se. I just don’t understand what they’re saying and that irks me. There aren’t even subtitles for that. I feel like there are supposed to be subtitles.)

- (It is nice, however, that they’re sticking to the languages they’d actually be speaking. I wonder if it’s all German in German.)

- Yo, police. Be more subtle. You could have laid a trap.

- “You can start with him.” Hm! xD

- “I could run them over.” !! Man, this is great.

- This is like a fucking magic trick.

- You know what, I wanna watch that again.

- The DVD did not like that, so now I get to look at the “pick scene” menu. At least there’s more nice music.

- Just out of curiosity… *checks* There are 24 chapters and I’m at the 16th.

- I can understand more French when I concentrate on it, but I’ve been too annoyed about it so far.

- Never had French at school, btw. But have a bit of a talent for languages. When it comes to those I can sometimes cobble meaning together from context and existing knowledge.

- “The French cannot be trusted”, sounds so ominous.

- As a fan of Angels & Demons, I am very interested in what the Vatican has to say about all this.

- Told ya we don’t like planes.

- Naww, Sophie. Arm pat, yas.

- How do you accidentally fall into a well feet first? Hmm…

- Saved by pigeons, wow.

- Paul’s eyes are super blue.

- Is he gonna get killed?

- What an old-ass phone.

- I’m worried about that newspaper.

- How they’re keeping the identity of the teacher secret is A+, shooting-wise.

- “Your identity shall go with me to the grave.” Did he know he was gonna die?

- Nice one!

- Is the second movie this long? *checks* Not quite.

- Seriously. Unnaturally blue eyes.

- Shoot-out.

- I can kinda see where Lee’s coming from. Don’t agree with the method, but…

- Did a shoulder-shot really kill him?

- See? Nope.

- I think I do kinda like the police captain.

- Have I mentioned my attraction to side characters?

- Oh, that tiny wound on her neck. I like the attention to detail.

- And those stained glass windows! Pretty.

- His mind! Wow.

- I wanna see this scene without music and special effects, though, to see what Sophie and Lee see. Must be pretty weird. xD

- Dramatic musiiiiic.

- Police captain coming through! Yas.

- Robert’s like “What is happening?”

- Man, those poor policemen with the screaming dude in the back of the car.

- Can’t resist a challenge, can you?

- It’s hecking dark behind that doorway.

- Can they get away with getting rid of all the villains half an hour before the movie’s over?

- Now she’s all Ghost Whisperer-like.

- I like the way it sounds when she calls him Robert.

- (Doing some more googling. Ah, it’s Leigh. I see.)

- Who are these guys? Something bad’s happening.

- Flashbacks and MORE FRENCH.

- Wonder if Robert and Sophie use the formal you in German. It wouldn’t fit.

- Sophie’s world is kinda falling apart.

- (She’s like Bethany in Dogma. Don’t know if anyone here even knows Dogma, but I love it.)

- Family reunion! Who put those onions here?

- See? Robert and I agree. Why should a family make Jesus less holy?

- I really like this friendship. I hope they’ll meet again.

- Checking if she can walk on water. xD

- Hey, it’s the Eiffel tower! And it’s playing light house.

- Blood.

- What? What is it?

- Wow.

- This music is real nice.

- 7 minutes of credits.

- Again, though: The music is nice.

[kincringeemporium]

Um what's wrong with Game Stop and Autism Speaks? Not trying to start discourse just uninformed.

There’s not much wrong with Game Stop. As for Autism Speaks, they don’t actually help autistic people. Not one person on their board, as far as I know, is autistic or has personal experience with autism that isn’t negative. 

Their main goal is to end/cure autism. Now, yes, we need a way to treat consequences & symptoms of autism that 1) can’t be avoided otherwise and 2) have a serious negative impact on quality of life. Overall, however, autism (unless a profound disability) does not make one unable to participate in and contribute to society. 

They’d also like to develop a prenatal test for autism, which in itself does sound like a good idea, as it’d give parents much more time to research and prepare for raising a neurodiverse child. Of course, because this is Autism Speaks, they’d aim to use this test as part of the “cure” (which wouldn’t even work, as we now have a better understanding of how autistic brains are physically formed). 

In fact, there may be genetic links between autism and genius. To completely eradicate it would put a fuck ton of research at a dead end. 

Autism Speaks has been known to play upon the fear of the unknown in their advertisements and portray autistic people as scary. I did try to find a certain video, but looks like it’s been taken down. If you do go looking for Autism Speaks videos, just note that they’re probably going to piss you off. 

There are other autism advocacy and research organizations that really do advocate while, at the same time, searching for solutions to problems the condition can cause. 

The people at Game Stop who put together this partnership likely just don’t know what the organization has done in terms of not being respectful, accurate, and sensible. 

I’ve tried to find some reputable sources outlining why Autism Speaks is doing harm -- but it’s hard to find things besides blogs. There’s this thread from the autism forums (note that some people are using sort of Tumblr-y words like “neurotypical”, but it’s a lot better than nothing). 

Found a pretty great quote in that thread... lmao

“Autism Speaks is like a slightly less vile and hateful version of tumblr activists and their type. Talking about something they don't fully understand and have no reason to fight for other than a sense of moral superiority.” 

(Now, I’m not autistic and this all comes from about 10 minutes of research -- in addition to what I already knew about the condition and the organization. Correct me if I’m wrong about any of this.) 

-K 

[bloojayoolie]

Anime, Apparently, and Ass: File: furies ipg (405 KB, 1296x968) 631157670 631165562 >»631166037 Anonymous 07/29/15(Wed)08:18:07 No.631156939 Alright boys, sit down for a tale of the most Autistic kid I have ever had the displeasure of running into Wolfman Greg >Re me >Be 16, around 2000 a popular kid either Kinda did my cwn thing really >Shared World History with this kid >His name was Greg il from arace and into autism >Greg at this point was quiet, and reserved, never did anything to get bullied >Especially after Columbine >Fnday b g to change soon >That Monday >Apparently Greg's parents had bought him a computer, and an Intenet connection sHe hvigusly hadn't showered at all since friday >He didn't really pay attention during class and was mostly drawing in his notebook >His smell was palpable Grea collected his things and headed for the door >Not before he bumped into a guy named Mike kewas hot pleased with Greg's odor >Greg stood silent for a moment >And then he did it Mike iust ushed Grea out of the way and made his way into the hallway and walked to his next class >The rest of the kids gave Greq a strange room for the rest of the day 631160061 631160215 631165562 >631165642 631165921 Anonymous 07/29/15(Wed)08:26:44 No.631158773 File: 1437110427545.ipg (418 KB. 1955x2048) day Appars sinstead he bought a gray hoodie, and some cloth >And sewed some years to the hood >At least he showered this time Greg didn't do his homework the night before >The teac her was this really nice vegan lady from Oregon >She was a little pushy with homework but that was it really ork to be passed up front >She askd theirs >"Greg? Where's your homework? >Silence 3She anproached his desk >The room was stranoely tense, before this Grea was a good student >She was standing at Greg's desk 3She reached out for a niece of paper she assumed was his homework >And then he snapped at her >Not like screaming or yelling, but he he bite her >The teacher gasped >Grea just got up and Naruto ran out of the room hing before and we were really taken aback by him trying to bite the teacher, but the way he ran >No one saw Greg for the rest >Apparently he got on a table, curled up into a ball and tried to nap Indian man in charge didn't care enough to bother him of the day until one of the Stoner kids reported seeing Greq in after school detention Anonymous 07/29/15(Wed)08:35:48 No.631160463 File: 1432672843827 ipg (1.79 MB, 5000x5000) 631160790 >631161301631165562 >Wednesday >Greg apparently wanted to make it up to the teacher euse er rold broke down vcle SOneele >She had what was left of a bug on her cheek that she missed She walked into class ten minutes after class started >She apologized for her being late >Greg walked up to her >Hood up >Shitty cloth ears flopping >She looked at him puzzled ant to tell me Greg? She was probably hoping for an apoloqy >Greg grabbed her face paper in his hand He nad lold And licked her cheek >And the bug quts too Grea then tueked the nanor into her breast pocket and sat back down >The teacher, as a testament to her character, pretended that never happened >The class went on as normal verge of tears the entire time while we were talking about the Boxer Rebellion When the bell rang again, Greg bolted full Naruto style out of the room >His hoodie came loose and fell off hair >Revealing a really shitty attempt at anime >After school as I was walking home I saw our US History teacher talking to the school cop >With her equally vegan and upset boyfriend there too We didn't see Grea for two weeks after that Anonymous 07/29/15(Wed)08:47:48 No.631162869 File: Scared ipg (67 KB, 656x584) 631163694631164020 631164078631164239631165562 Thursday, two weeks after the incident >Grea was back >If you think he was bad after a weekend of early 2000s Internet, Greg has been SCARED He clearly hadn't showered, at all He looked like he slept, ate and shat in the gray eared hoodie He reoked very poorly made tail to the back d >By this time we we The teacher decided to hold class outdoors for once to demonstrate some things >As soon as we got outside, everyone put themselves up wind of Greg Evnthing was coing fine we were discussing the Battle of Somme in the gentle Arizona winter Greg, what are you doing? >All eyes shot to Greg to see what horror we were about to witness with one hand in th He didn't andwor >Everyone turned back to our teacher PAnd then the digging got more ferocious e grounds keepers worked really hard to grow that grass!" >No answer, he kept digging Greg!" tensified Grestop ar Still nothing Mike stood up and started walking towards Greg to stop him had a foot deep hole about square foot wide >Fvervone stonned >Their faces when >Greg tumed around SAnd started to poo >Oh God the stench Evione flinned and oot as far away from him as possible >Greg managed to fill the entire hole up >He then lifted his pants And then buried it >The 9/10 goth girl fainted Greg got sent to the office And was sent home for the day 631164732 631164845631164983 631165088 631165130631165135631165162631165268631165307 Anonymous 07/29/15(Wed)08:56.32 No.631164486 631185639 22631166136 File: XaviOda jpg (19 KB, 320x240) Friday >Greg was tolerable that day, nothing happened The following Monday to class >Like realy late >The poor teacher marked him absent >Half way through the treaty of Versailles quess who showed up >And the horrar >We didn't see it at first, or for the next ten minutes we heard it Acnch >And not the normal granola kind >Like the wet, gross kind iting into a bone would make >The girl in front of Grea turneod around >She flipped her shit Greg what the fuckl" SA half eaten bird >He was late bec ause of this l aleo wotod to throw because he managed to catch a bird, kill it, and partially eat it The teacher approached him and attempted >Greg wasn't having it rescue the poor avian creature from this kid >A had o landed a bite on her >Mike had enough of this shit >Before he could react though Greg through his meal at him >The distraction worked o over a desk >He failed and landed face first on the tile >Luckily he had enough time to get up, spit out some blood and Naruto run out of the room eneheied te wcks of school bec ause of an infection though 31166912631166935631166956 631167039 22631167068 631167080 6311 Anonymous 07/29/15(Wed)09:06:19 No.631166557 ile: 1437626420912.ipg (298 KB, 1024x768) >About a week into our poor teacher's absence >The substitute put us in the computer lab to research some shit: Thanks to her fatness and her odor, she was immune to Greq's smell barrier >Qur schedule was fucked that day >They were having a assembly for 8th graders that would be attending next vear >So we only had our first class that >For eight hours We broke for lunch, nothing weird happened with Greg, yet. Swhen we got back though, shit started happening >Evervone had the post lunch sleepies >Half the class was napping at their terminals was helping the 9/10 aoth gid work on her Horror novel >Wasn't too bad except for some grammar errors >And we were flirting >The substitute fell asleep at some point, leaving Greg free to do as he pleased >And he was really pleasing himself T happened to glance up and catch it >Grea was jacking it pretty hard >He must have just started because no one seems to have noticed yet ou stanng a- OH MY GOD >The aoth gid This in tum drew attention to Greg Who happened to start climaxing >The next five seconds was beautiful the Grea nanicked mid cu >Instead of tuning off the computer a pushed the monitor off the desk p getting cum every the tard wranglers e ended >He was transferred out of regular classes >But this was not the end of Wolfman Greg d)09:19.31 No.,631168892 250x213) 29. File: 14315458 10401 gif (1.5 MB We went a month without Greg shenanigans l even managed to sleep with the goth girl a couple of times outside of class >He didn't speak much, but we nicknamed him "8 Ball 8 Ball didn't take Greg's shit, except for letting him growl or whine once in a while the end of Junior year we thought we had heard the last of Wolfman Greg >None >l unch time l was sitting with the Goth Girl, Marian and her gaggle of dark brooding sisters tables were >We were talking about Poe when it happened >The doors to the tard building burst open was Greg I watch him sprint out, howling >8 Ball no where to be seen en Grea wondered around for a hit before singling out prev This noor shy gid named Marissa >He snuck up behind her >Oh God dher to the table >And pretended to mount her >He had his dick out and was rubbing it on the back Wing like a woll te cattered f her sweater This had to be the final straw >This went on for what felt like forever 8 Ball finaly ehowed un after getting Arby's >Greg was expelled after this and labeled a sex offender >Marissa dropped out >That was the end of Wolfman Grea for high school I have ONE more, this happened six months ago Anonymous 07/29/15(Wed)09.31:26 No.631171137 File: LTXeu.ipg (127 KB, 800x853) Greg was allowed to join our class. Not join me in hitting that sweet pale ass in the back, and n the hood of my old CRX. I can drop that green text if omvone's interoster Six months ago seeing Greg He had left my mind entirelv >Driving through my old town to visit my folks >Then I see it >is that? >No fucking way >Holy shit its Tucking Greg Lom in furkino aw that he's got a sweet scooter and I'm on a second had liter bike >Nearly rear end a taxi >He pulls up next to me sna lcan fucking smell him through my helmet l nearly puke >Manage to distance myself from him and get to my parents place >Decide to meet up with some old friends for a nde >Step outside fucking Vespa in the neiahbor's drive wav >No >lgnore it and go cruise w hours later sVesna still th >Please no >Greg lives next door to my folks now Facebook Grea's folks died and he inherted a large chunk of change >Bought the house next to my parents > Is a complete neet. 1/2 A File: 1427957849766 ong (97 K s 07/29/15(Wed)09:38:56 No.631172339M 460x470) 631171137 anything but browse the Internet probably and do Wolfman things >Try to not let this crush my soul and crawl into my old bunk bed to sleep for the night >As l'm drifting off to the though of making the Goth Girl of yesteryear swallow my cum and calling it st'e furking howling >God dammit Greg >My boner is ruined It's loud too ing howling keeps me up until 3am L finaly fell asleep Wake up the next moming 60 through the day with my folks a shell of my formor self >lt happens aqgain >The terror is replaced with rage no window This is it "Greal It's 11 o'clock at night! I have to >Slam window home tomorrow and I need sleep! SHUT THE FUCK UP" SFall asleep and leave the next moming >A few months later mom calls me The cops entered Greg's home due to a smell complaint >Crea was deod >I inadvertently got him to kill himself ut the bou tom don It's now an empty lot >But I, and hundreds of others still remember Wolfman Greg God speed, vou magnificent. early furry trash bastard. Wolf man Greg

[silenthillmutual]

okay. warning for negative bc this is kind of a vent post?

so. i’m still working on unlearning a lot of things that i had kinda drilled into my head with my mom that i did not realize were bad until recently? or things that i could not easily voice were having negative effects on me until recently. and i’m kind of thinking about how my mom is very. hhhhhhhh.

my mom does not have a life outside of work. and not like, “oh she’s very dedicated to her career” sort of way. but like, she does not believe in taking time off. and i think in the way our capitalist environment functions that always comes off sounding very admirable. it’s not. 

because what that equates to is like, she works to avoid other things in her life. she says that she can’t afford to take a break or any time to herself and my best friend and i had told her repeatedly that if she really wants a relationship she is going to have to take time to devote to that which means working less if only by a little bit! and that i have told her that she should take time to herself to relax whether she had a relationship or not because it’s not healthy to obsess over work the way that she does.

and. i guess she does a bit now. i saw recently on her fb that she went to colonial beach w her boyfriend and like. good for her. but that doesn’t erase that she is constantly harping on me, even from a distance, to do like. everything all in one day. and that i should be working 40+ hours a week and that if i don’t do that, that i’m lazy.

like my mom’s version of workaholism is to view herself as the rule and not the exception, which i can see in certain contexts how that translates into “oh so she’s not full of herself” but it’s actually really the opposite! because i think it takes a special brand of narcissism to assume that everyone is and should be exactly like you and that if they are not they are failing and that is their own fault. 

so, my mom has fibro, like on top of all of that and i wonder if she’d feel better if she didn’t constantly push herself into working all the time. and the truth is that she’ll look at any time i spend online regardless of what i’m doing (bc she doesn’t ever care what i’m actually doing on there, to her it’s all the same) as time wasted and an addiction to the internet. and she thinks that everyone else w fibro or w any chronic or mental illness can work exactly as much as she can because if they do anything less they’re being lazy.

and i think you can kinda see why it’s an issue for a licensed therapist to think or feel that way.

so like. i have never pursued any job that says it’s part time, under $10 an hour that wants me to work 39 hours a week (one hour from full time in the commonwealth of va), no benefits, 8 hours every day, retail, with a massive list of responsibilities. because i know that i can’t handle doing 8+ hours which is how much it’ll wind up being if they want me to open/close (taking into consideration traffic and people who just will not fucking leave), like i had to struggle to work 8 hours at a job i actually LIKED without thinking of working at fucking target or some shit for 8+ hours a day. i can’t do it. between the anxiety and the autism that sounds like something that will make me absolutely want to die and i know this because i tried that at party city for three days and came home in tears every single day and my feet hurt so bad i couldn’t move.

and my mom’s response to that was like. just deal with it! just push through it! you have to! 

you’d think a therapist with a chronic illness would be more compassionate than that. 

but my mom’s whole life is focused on work and i don’t even think it’s because she just loves her job that much. she just refuses to do anything outside of it. she has a dog and a cat (MY cat I adopted her she is under MY legal name and that dog is basically my dog, he was my baby) that i was under no circumstances allowed to take with me regardless of where i went or when, but that she does not...enjoy. at all. she is constantly bitching about the pets and she bought an automatic feeder and self-scooping litterbox and hired pet sitters not for the occasional trip out to her boyfriend’s but for like a regular thing because she is at home as little as possible. every single second that she can spend at work she will.

and she hated that i didn’t spend 6-8 hours at work (more counting traffic) and then want to spend all of my free time looking for a second or different job and cleaning the house and cooking all the meals and running all the errands and taking care of the pets. with no help.

and that’s part of what i mean about her working to get out of having to do other things. because she also works so much so that she can get out of eating. like. ever. her body image issues are so fucked up that she will eat one meal a day and be like “ugh i’m such a pig i’m so fat i should stop eating maybe then i’ll lose weight”. and then she’ll deny that she he has an unhealthy relationship to food and claim she just “doesn’t have time to eat” even though she apparently has time to bitch at me over facebook or henpeck her boyfriend and read 8 different versions of her horoscope in an hour + longer breaks

like i’m sorry but if i could eat in 30 minutes with my coworker calling me to panic on the other end bc everyone decides to come into the library at the same fucking time then i think maybe. just maybe. you can eat a goddamn granola bar in 2+ hours while sitting at your desk instead of saying “i should be writing notes” and not actually writing your fucking notes!

what really kinda. bothers me all about it. like in addition to all this super unhealthy stuff that makes her occupation as a therapist hypocritical as hell is how she criticizes me for doing the exact shit that she does.

by which i mean. holding other people to my standards.

i’ve worked a lot at not being judgmental of other people and challenging my own notions of what is right and acceptable when i find myself judging other people. it’s really hard. i think it’s connected a lot to being autistic and the kind of biases that we’re all brought up into and it’s why travelling and secondary education are really important, not even just because of learning aspect (although liberal arts forcing you to take classes outside of your comfort zone. i think helps a lot in this too) but because meeting people from all different kinds of backgrounds makes you look at things from different angles you wouldn’t have otherwise, because if you never leave you never broaden your horizons. 

so when there are still standards that i hold people to it’s. i try to just hold people to “not being a total asshole to everyone around you” as a relatively basic standard that i don’t think should be controversial? but even when i voice that opinion - like, literally, i went to richmond cc with two friends and when i got back i was telling my mom about this guy who was very loudly, specifically so that i could hear his unsolicited opinion of my cosplay, talking about how bad/boring jojo was because he knew i was dressed as someone from jojo and he wanted me and everyone else around him to know his opinion of jojo, then went and started mocking his friend for wanting to buy a gba instead of a gameboy sp bc his friend and i both saw the mother 1+2 and mother 3 cartridges and was just being an asshole! again! and i was just complaining to her after the fact about this guy being a dick and my mom’s response, not even like an “i don’t get it but i’m sorry” first was just

“well maybe he’s autistic”

and! i’m sorry! but that! doesn’t fuckign fly with me! i said “so am i that doesn’t mean i go around being an asshole to everyone at con” 

and she was like “well maybe he’s not as high-functioning as you you can’t hold everyone to your standards”

NO! NO MAYBE HE WAS BEING AN ASSHOLE BECAUSE HE’S CIS WHITE GUY AND THINKS EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW HIS OPINIONS! do you know how many fucking people go to con are autistic????? a whole shit ton of us! do you know how many poc, trans, nb, not-straight people loudly voice their opinions to make the people around them including their friends feel like shit? NONE OF THEM! NONE OF THEM! NONE OF THEM! ONLY THE CISHET WHITE GUYS WHO THINK THEY’RE TOO GOOD FOR COSPLAY FUCKING DO THAT!

and it’s so irritating! like i’m not allowed to talk about my autism EVER and even when my standards are REALLY FUCKIGN LOW i’m being too judgmental of others but she’s allowed to talk about how everyone who doesn’t work 40+ hours every week and starve themselves is fucking?? lazy????

unreal. un fuckign believable.

[flameontheotherside]

Twin Flames Merging

Yes I know where is a book with the same title on Amazon. It took me a minute after writing my last entry about "Twin Flame Evolution", to realize we have actually merged and that's what I was describing at the end.

A couple of nights ago I've noticed my Autistic, Tourrets, symptoms were getting worse. Stimming was worsend so bad that anxiety flared along with it. I felt so stupid last night. I was literally WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!? It wasn't funny. I had been fighting with myself about being avoidant about this issue. I may not actually be bipolar at all. It would be great if I could stop taking my medication.

It wasn't funny at all because I felt like I had no control...

And I love being in control. So maybe you can imagine the frustration of needing to bang your head against the wall, "checking out", dropping things, jerking around, and having to read shit over and over. I cant understand what I watch without subtitles. I tried to watch a movie with erik and it was annoying that I couldn't fine one with them. I watch movies I like more than once not just because I like then but sometimes I get a better understanding on my own instead of constantly asking, what is happening?!

It's not cool. At all! I felt like I was loosing my mind... And my intelligence. All week I've been fixated on messing with my OS Ubuntu installation on my secondary drive. I'm seriously concidering installing another OS on a third drive. All day.... Litterally I hardly move away from my computer because I'm so concentrated and I'm doing that, watching netflix, pause to watch a tutorial by some Indian guy. I was like, well of course...sorry. I couldn't really understand his instructions. There was a lot of frustration because I had forgotten since 10 years ago how to work the system. So I was behind and thoroughly confused. Had to keep reading the instructions over and over. The frustration triggered anxiety. Which in turn caused stimming.

For a long time I've fought over the idea of getting help.

It's appearent getting a job is hard because of my autism. I didn't want to face the reality that I really am autistic. I felt my pride slipping away along with a small part of my soul. A week ago I was writing about being stubborn and arrogant about the fact Erik really being my twin flame. No one can't tell me otherwise because this is one of the few things I am fierce about. Some jealous people (idiots) tried to tell me some shit about how they are his twin flame. No one have more than one twin flame. You never see three babies and call them twins. It makes you look completely stupid.

I suspected it and ignored it. Now that we actually merged, my issues are twice as bad. This is the negative side to merging. I don't know how Erik dealt with this. I hate feeling volnerable, I hate crying. For two nights I fought with Vince to take me to the hospital so I could get help. He flat out refuses. He's ignoring me and yelling at me about how I need to basically ignore my symptoms and work hard to control my symptoms. It's not that easy. Yes I understand that it's just an excuse... But this is seriously fucking me up. Erik and God talked me through a panic attack trying to calm me down.

They told me to tell Vince about what's happening to prove Vince doesn't care.

Maybe he's being spiteful. I don't know why he acts like it's not a big deal. Sure it wasn't in the past but now it's at a point I can't really function like I used to. Great I'm stimming right now... I realized Vince definitely doesn't have my best interest at heart to take me seriously. He just brushes it off and complains about how I go to extremes. Another thing Erik and God and teaching me is to look before I leap.

However this is serious but I don't need to go to a hospital. No, I refuse and I don't want to hear from Vince how his life sucks because of me. I don't like this at all. We need to finally split. Vince and I have been having problems way before Erik was in the picture. Now it's at a point I can't be in the same room with him. However I do feel guilty. I make him sound like an asshole but he thinks he has my best interest only he's stubborn and ignorant. He means well but he acts like an asshole. That probably made no sense... While he's ranting about my going to extremes, I'm wondering why the fuck I'm here. What's the point in all this? My life was a waste. No really it was. Need I explain how I put everything aside just to "look for" Erik and some of the trouble I caused while doing so.

He didn't kill himself just to ease his suffering.

We are so well connected that he felt my pain too. I felt like my life was over after he died and I couldn't understand why. I couldn't be in serious relationships anymore and I had no interest in anything besides sweeping everything under the rug. Drugs and drinking was all I cared about until my friends were getting married and shit. I figured since they were doing that I should try again despite wanting to waste away alone. Never was truly happy because I felt Erik with me the whole time. I was a skeptic but I knew better than that. I couldn't ignore my intuitiveness even if I wanted to.

I called this entity my imaginary friend because I had no other word to describe it. Had long since dropped my belief in twin flames. I was never afraid because it felt kind of comforting... And confusing. Assumed at first he was a demon then just some earthbound that wanted company. I didn't believe anymore that contact with spirits and shit was okay. Basically felt when you did it was a demon because spirits don't interact with humans at all. Although I've been reading cards, I believed you are receiving messages from your higher self or subconscious. again ignoring the fact I am a natural born psychic. I hated be psychic especially seeing future events. It scared me and I absolutely hate that.

😘 💞 💕 ❤️ Have a great day!

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and shit. channelingerik.com.

Submit a Twin Flame reading for free at TwinFlameMedium.Com and I provide detailed and lengthy readings starting at $5 per question at Store.TwinFlameMedium.Com

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