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hedghost · 6 months ago

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Hedge’s Unofficial Ratings of 2024 Adidas Kits That A Few People Asked For This Time

Let’s start strong with Germany! Did someone say kuntenserven?

Everyone’s seen this home kit and rightfully, everyone loves it. It’s just so sexy, how could you not? The crisp clean white paired with the classic adidas stripes, but with that sexy germany flag gradient? oh lord i’m weak at the knees. Naturally it’s helped by the fact that the germans have a pretty sexy colour pallete to work with, but still.Even the diamond detailing like oml. It just looks fire, literally. i love it. -9/10

The away kit meanwhile is kind of spinning my head a bit. I genuinely don’t know if i love it or hate it. in theory i love hot pink kits, but i also fucking hate the purple gradient. if the whole thing was pink i’d say absolutely yes because i genuinely love garish eyesores, but this is just not hitting the spot for me. also what’s with the pattern? this is what i imagine you would see if a hedgehog went down on you. undecided - 5.5/10

Wales’s sense of style reflects their Euros qualifications… in that i’m yet to see either

don’t get me wrong the home isn’t bad, it’s just nothing special, and nothing we haven’t seen before. i like the green and yellow stripes up the side, that’s a nice touch, but other than that i’m left feeling uninspired, which is probably how the welsh feel when they watch their men’s team play. still, i’m sure hayley ladd serves in it so - 6/10

the away kit though? yep that’s fucking ugly. whoever decided that wales should include yellow in their red and green colour scheme needs jail time, and also probably an eye test. what the fuck is that shade? yellow is very hard to make look good so props for trying, but just no. plus they missed the chance for green kits, objectively the best kit colour possible, yet also the most underused. (and don’t say it’s because it blends into the grass because that’s blatantly not true). i like the fun zigzags down the side, but it’s giving reggae, which is absolutely not the vibe that wales gives. should’ve put a big dragon on the front and called it a day - 3/10

Spain, what did I just say about ugly yellow kits?

The home kit is lovely. They didn’t feel the need to push the boat out, but why disrupt a classic? These shades go so well together, and there’s also a very faint but very nice pattern on the shirt if you look closely. its bright, it’s energetic. it’s giving fire, flames and lightning mcqueen. kachow! - 8/10

Away kit is absolutely fucking disgusting. Are adidas capable of making two nice kits for one team? If you asked me to describe the absolute worst shade of yellow i’d picture exactly that. the word that comes to mind is putrid. and as if that wasn’t enough, they decided to pair it with an absolutely clashing shade of turquoise. no thank you. no me gusta - 3/10

No Scotland No Party? Well with this kit, I’m inclined to agree.

Who would’ve thought a tartan football kit could be a good idea? Not me, and yet here comes Scotland, with an actual fucking masterpiece. This home kit is just, wow. I love it. It’s so clever, such a good nod to the country, and it just looks absolutely incredible. I fucking adore it. I don’t have much else to say other than whoever made this knew what they were doing. Good job - 10/10

The away kit meanwhile, is again, astonishingly mid. It’s fine I guess. Very plain, kind of giving the colour scheme of a cartoon character but i can’t put my finger on which one, but it’s still decent. The colours do go well together, and i like how the side panelling, includes that tartan pattern again, which as i already mentioned, is fucking sexy. just maybe stick to the home - 6/10

Hungary for more? Not really.

This is the wales kit. it is pretty much almost exactly just the wales kit. like it’s fine, but it’s just?? idk i’m bored. also why have they got two badges? greedy much? just a bit busy. idk it’s fine i have literally no other thoughts on this. boring! - 6/10

The away kit is boring as fuck too, but i actually like this one a lot. i think white kits have more license to bore. it’s a nice colour scheme too. does look a bit italian though. idk it looks good but i can’t say why. it’s just classic. the centre adidas logo looks good here. it’s the green im telling you. more green please! - 7.5/10

BELGIUM I AM KISSING YOU ON THE MOUTH

oh my god this home kit. i’m in love and i suddenly wish i was belgian. wow. holy shit. who did belgium pay to get a kit this nice? i’m in genuine awe. the sexy sexy maroon colour, paired with black and gold? fuck me sideways. i’m not joking when i say this kit oozes sex. that pattern?? oh my lord. it’s giving luxury velvet chaise longue. its giving old timey men in those smoking jackets, with a glass of whiskey and a cigar. i feel like i’m in the palace of versailles just looking at it. wow belgium, wow. - 11/10

not only that, they did it! they actually gave us two good kits! this one is based off tintin, and who doesn’t fucking love tintin? i adore it. lovely shade of blue, with this gorgeous pattern again, and the collar? collars should only be used if they add something to the kit, and boy does this add a whole fucking lot. thank you tintin you beautiful boy. what a kit. - 10/10

And now we’re back to normal programming with Italy

The common theme with adidas is boredom. At least when i was rating nike i actually had stuff to talk about. these are just okay. like yep okay it’s fine. there’s nothing wrong with it. i like the flag shoulder stripes. but yeah, it’s just there. i’ve forgotten what it looks like already i’m that bored - 6/10

the away kit is exactly the same. to be fair, i do like the asymmetric colour scheme, that’s quite nice. it’s simple, it’s clean, it’s just the italian flag really isn’t it? the collar is nice in fairness. it’s decent. - 7/10

Wow. Mexico. Holy fucking shit. Wow.

i literally am so in love with this kit that i’m lost for words. just everything about this is so stunning that i’m struggling to believe it’s a real adidas kit and not a fan made one from tiktok. this pattern has so much going on yet without being garish or busy, it just works. the colours go together so well, i’m just sat here staring at it with tears in my eyes. it’s art. i love it so much thank you mexico thank you - 11/10

and it just gets better with the away kit? this is so fucking sexy, so clean. it complements the home kit perfectly. it’s such a fun pattern but it’s also so classy, so beautiful. both of these kits invoke mexico without being either stereotypical or same-old same-old. i just love it. i love when kits are different!! more please, everyone else take notes!! - 10/10

Colombia took me a while but I’m actually a fan

i hated this at first because i thought it was just a plain boring yellow kit but then i saw those sexy ombre side panels. i just love red orange yellow colour schemes, like yes they hurt my eyes but it’s just such a sexy combination. fire for real. the yellow prevents it from getting top marks bc yellow is just fugly let’s be real, but overall it’s not bad - 7/10

now, you guys now i feel about black kits. more please!!! black is always sleek, it’s always classy, it’s always cool as fuck! big fan. this also seems abnormally shiny, which like okay serve i guess? the only thing i will say is it’s giving training kits with the orange highlights, but we can’t all be mexico, can we? - 8/10

Peru couldn’t be fucked and resorted to clip art

this home kit is like the definition of couldn’t be arsed. i could’ve done this on microsoft paint. i actually hate sash kits they’re just so fucking boring, and like, they just don’t look that good do they. boring. - 4/10

the away on the other hand? wow wow. this is what colombia wishes it was. this is a sexy fucking black kit, and pairing it with dark red and gold? oh lord yes please. sexy as fuck, plus a cheeky bit of animal print? okayyyy get it. even those little bits at the side that adidas seem obsessed with this year are sexy. it’s reminding me of a cheeky little leg slit in a cheeky little dress, and then you get a cheeky little glimpse of some cheeky little red zebra print thongs. okay word. peru you cheeky little minx, stop teasing me. - 9/10

Chile stayed solid, and you can’t go wrong with that.

these are both just nice kits. the home is classy, it’s just a simple white kit but it looks fresh as hell, and the red swoops look so good. also love that the patterning they’ve used on the red matches the away kit. it’s very simple but it’s clearly thought out and i respect that. they saw the others going ham with crazy patterns and stuck to their guns. it just looks nice. - 7/10

the away is a similar story - nothing flashy, but effortlessly nice. i rate the little pixel pattern, it’s simple but it’s nice. it’s a decent kit. could’ve pushed the boat out a tiny bit more but overall it’s fine. it’s giving national league a tiny bit. respect chile - 7/10

Finally, you can always count on Argentina to serve.

The home kit is just pure argentina innit? like there’s no way you see this kit and see anything other than argentina, and i respect that. it’s just a classic! it’s clean it’s crisp, we’ve seen it all before, but listen, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. can’t go wrong. also i’m a huge believer that gold should only be permitted on a kit if you’ve won something, and so mad respect for these sexy gold highlights.- 8/10

and the away kit? i’m a huge fan. it’s a nice simple kit, they’ve gone for a new shade of blue and it’s pretty sexy. the collar looks so fit here, i love it. what i love the most though, is how they’ve incorporated the usual kit into the swoopy bits? (that’s their official name now i’ve decided). anyway those blue and white stripes just look so yummy, very nautical, i’m a big fan. yay argentina! - 9/10

#hedge rates kits #woso #men’s football🤢#scownt #gerwnt #argwnt #mexwnt #itawnt #adidas #adidas football

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that-soccer-guru · 1 year ago

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Week 1 World Cup Recap

Well hello everyone. Will this be proof that player interactions will get more notes than sports talk? We shall see!

Week one is over and we got a LOT of surprises, so without further ado here's the points table by group. (Yes, I made my own bracket tracker, let me live)((yes more opinions and notes no one asked for but I AM GONNA GIVE ANYWAYS BC WORLD CUP TIME IS MY TIME BABEEY))

Group A with a lil sprinkle of Week 2 for good measure. Norway absolutely showed some nerves at being in this world stage, and the Philippines is one of the few teams who I feel played better than the scoreboard reflects. There was a lot of beautiful tactical acumen in that game, and no spoilers for week 2 conversations but well... you can see the score there. Philippines is absolutely presenting us with a beautiful project and they do NOT want to be left behind. Group A is most definitely getting hairy out here.

Group B. No Sam Kerr for Australia didn't slow them down half as much as I think the pundits expected, and they managed a solid if not a little uninspired win over Ireland. There was a lot of physicality that allows ME to laugh in the face of that "the game was too physical" nonsense Ireland pulled with Colombia ahead of the cup. Canada very predictably is crumbling under their own weight--is it tactics (and their coaching), an aging squad, the quality of the other teams? Who's to say, but it shows. And Nigeria, I feel, only narrowly missed on a goal or two that would've made this score reflect the game a lot more.

Group C again with a spoiler for week 2 (by now the Spain and Canada games in week 2 have been played but I'm rewatching my recorded games bc I am an ADULT and cannot stay up/wake up early for these crazy schedules and be productive, so here we are). Spain had the good luck of getting to step into the cup with a relatively weaker team--they got the ideal game to settle into the fact that they're missing a lot of key pieces but they hit the ground RUNNING. It also showed that it might be time for Costa Rica to look for a different coaching strategy, and I say this as someone who's a BIG fan of Valverde. This team is leaving WAY too much space and playing all to the ball and not to the players looking for space and it showed in both the Spain game and the Week 2 Japan game.

I'll admit I didn't watch the Zambia game but I am not at all surprised that a squad full of speed and discipline kicked ass like they did. Rip Zambia there, do better damn it, I've seen the quality and grit in this team and I want to see it next week.

Group D. HOLY SPIRIT OF FUTBOL, BATMAN! That Haiti game was BEAUTIFUL. Of course England comes in with a lot of missing pieces into the cup, but Haiti capitalized on everything. Speed, decisiveness, dribbling, spaces, passes, it was beautiful. A dumb handball and a penalty really did them in. Sadly they're missing some decisiveness up-front, especially in that last kick at goal, but they showed they belong and they're here to stay.

China deserved better than what happened with that miracle goal. Denmark played a very weak game and China had every opportunity to win it, unfortunately this game is cruel and there's no such thing as "deserve", there is goal scoring, and that failed them. Excited for that China vs Haiti, and wishing a speedy recovery to Jennyfer Limage, ACL tears are brutal and getting to this stage and be taken out by such a bitch of an injury is painful for everyone involved.

Group E. I also didn't watch the US game, my apologies, but I won't be a hypocrite and say "well what happened with the team that won 13-0 last world cup?" because this is more a symptom that the gaps are closing between the superpowers of this game and the rest of the world, and I for one love to see it. (Yes, I choose to watch Oppenheimer over the game, no I am not sorry).

Portugal v Netherlands was a VERY physical game, and the Netherlands is showing cracks, especially in the midfield, but you can't argue with results and you definitely can't argue with the initiative in plays and the SPEED the midfielders kick off with to run at goal. That said, Portugal played with a lot of heart, but they're missing that final 3rd pass/game. Once they find it? They're gonna be amazing!

Group F. HOLY SPIRIT OF FOOTBALL PART 2, BATMAN! Jamaica man, what a fucking team! Starting from the beautiful kits and the spirit they played with, they absolutely nullified France. They were very patient, waited for France to get frantic and make mistakes, which they did, and absolutely went for this very VERY important tie. This absolutely keeps them in the running to make it out of group stages and, honestly, I wouldn't count them out. Heartbreaker double yellow but that's on poor team management, the bench needs to start learning to sub out cautioned players, but what else is new.

Brazil man, BRAZIL WITH EL JOGO BONITO. Dream world cup debut for Ary, roaring into the competition with a beautiful hatty. If they can stay healthy and show patience and willingness to stick with the strategy, they can go far. Exciting game up ahead in week 2!

Group G. What a fucking game that Sweden v South Africa game was! Honestly I thought South Africa had them for a moment. It became a matter of fatigue and the little mistakes that this can lead to in the end. Sweden needs to take this victory as a salve from the heavens and make some adjustments, and South Africa needs to shake this, because they absolutely have what it takes to make it out of this group.

I am not going to lie, I am heartbroken AND angry for/with Argentina. They played a good game from the midfield down, really good defensive lines, but what the FUCK happened in the final third? Banini was, as Andres Cantor likes to say "alone against the world", making amazing runs and having 0 support in the area for any crosses. If the midfield and the forward line don't start to play through her, as one Jamie Tartt taught us, this is gonna be a quick and painful ending for SUCH a talented and promising team. Get it together, this game could've been a win if there was better connection up ahead.

Group H. This one is, I think, the game that DEFINITELY isn't reflected by the final score. Morocco is really freaking good? Good through passes, very talented wingers, their defense, of course, needs a lot of work, especially in recognizing clear and present danger which the Germans absolutely exploited, but overall this ass kicking is not what I would've expected from the team I watched. Germany played their best edition of their game, let the other team hold the ball and batter themselves against your lines, exploit mistakes, use height and speed, and start knocking on heaven's door early and decisively. No notes. Alexandra Popp is the moment. The German team also have an ADORABLE crochet koala bear as their team mascot and I love it.

And now the moment I've been waiting for. Ehem. CAMPEON, COLOMBIA CAMPEON!!! Please tell me the English streams talked about Abadia serving a 2 game suspension because NOTHING says Colombia more than "the cup hasn't even started and your coach is already suspended" (he's was suspended following the Copa America final and this is the first time he can serve the games, but it's hysterical seeing him, sitting with the audience with his white board, angry as hell). Clearly they're shaking the nerves off, and Colombia gave South Korea a LOT of latitude. There were a lot of stupid mistakes (wtf was that ninja kick, miss Vanegas!?), they played a very physical game in the beginning (we will never win anything on fairplay and I've accepted this), but when it came time to put on the screws they delivered. What can I say about the Wunderkind too. Linda didn't even pick up her head for that senior world cup goal, she just knew it was right, and she was correct. They exploited South Korea's weaknesses and delivered results. Tighter lines and better discipline for the game against Germany and we might just make it very freaking far y'all!

This cup is giving us SO MUCH entertainment, incredible games, and a show of how quickly the world is advancing. Excited for week 2!

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