#ANYWAYS SORRY I'm not necessarily arguing with the points made in that post I just have a lot of feelings on the subject
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Noisy little mess
Hi cutie!
I've, incredibly, keep on writing the same fic for one time in my life, so i'm posting the second part of the first part (obviously) of the whatever i've wrote.
I like writing. It's a little difficult switch from my italian kinda writing skill to the english language.
I feel less poetic in english. More...meh. Dunno.
Anyway, we do not have that much of a smut content in here, just...talking. A lot of talking. I like dialogues.
Sorry for every incorrect grammatical things, i hope i haven't made a complete mess.
DISCLAIMERS: not that much of a smut thing, anyway is GhostxReader, arguing, terrible nicknames, gym, blame shifting, not having breakfast, recalling of behaviours that shouldn't belong to a military base but oh well.
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First part is here:
https://www.tumblr.com/tassodelmiele/746173281244151808/noisy-little-mess?source=share
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Next day, you skip breakfast.
Your ass hurts like hell, you've got bruises on your neck and it seems like you've gone through a fight with the full cast of a Jason Statam's kinda film.
You rush through all the damn base like crazy, avoiding smiles and greetings, in search for that goddamn man who has to give you explanations.
'Cause that sort of thing doesn't happen between two who barely speak at breakfast.
'Cause you may find muscles attractive, but you've never told him you like him in particular.
'Cause he almost ravaged you, without even saying "goodnight".
And 'cause you've liked it. But that's not necessarily to be known.
You're about to go straight to the training camp (you've seen Soap nearby, and he's Ghost's shadow), when the wanted finds the detective: a door suddenly opens, and you bump into his goddamn big chest, almost drowning your nose in that rock solid-muscle softness pile.
Ghost looks at you like he's just stepped on a candy wrapper. You open your mouth, ready to yell:
«ok, now you're going to tell me, sir, what in the actual fu-»
Then, Price gets out of the office too. And your face blushes with the brightest red.
«…sorry»
«'s nothing. We've finished»
It seems like Ghost's trying to make you comfortable, and that just gets on your nerves. You look at the captain walking away, and before having the opportunity to speak again, the lieutenant has grabbed you by the shoulder and pushed you in his office.
You do your best not to trip over your feet, almost making a pirouette to face him as he closes the door. You open your mouth, prepare your lungs to yell like a fucking eagle…and he stops you, cupping your face with all of the grace he's capable of, looking at you through his goddamn scary skull mask and spells:
«I'm sorry»
And your brain goes blank.
You squeeze your eyes; you weren't ready for this. For a scold; for a joke, for him to make fun of you, for you to break his terrible per holder on his face…but not for this.
«…what?»
«I'm sorry. Fucking sorry, ok?»
«Yeah, yeah» you scroll his hands away from your face. «I'm sorry too for having my ass burnt and my fucking neck disassembled, that's not the point»
«I was just saying-»
«You were saying nothing»
«If you-»
«Sorry for what? For your kinks, or your lack of asking consent? Go on, i'm listen-»
And he ends up squeezing your face in his hand, glaring at you while you just stay still with your cheeks pressed together and your arms crossed, raising an eyebrow.
He sigh.
«You've caught me off guard»
You muffle, widening your eyes, about to try to say something but his grips tighten a little.
«Let me fucking finish! Bloody hell, you weren't so noisy yesterday! My god…look, 's not a great time to restrain instinct, ok? I'm not saying that you've…awakened something. You're not my type, anyway»
You start to move again in his grip, trying to punch him, but it's so easy for him to stop you.
«I just want to apologize 'cause i've acted by instinct, and is no good. And 'cause I've hurt you, of course»
He stares at you for five seconds before releasing his grip, and the first thing you say is:
«…not your type? Seriously?»
His eyes widen under the mask.
«You…is this really what you're interested in? Out of everything I've told you?»
«You haven't told me that much»
«What the hell-»
«And you're lucky i've liked it, otherwise i would have smash the whole set of weight on your face»
«Yeah, Yeah, sure, a gnome like you»
«I'm a gnome in berserk armor»
«Still a gnome»
«Fight me»
«I'm not wasting my time in a prison for your dead body»
«...weak»
«…don't you dare, rookie»
«Rookie a pair of nuts»
«Watch you fucking mouth»
«I can't do it, there's no mirror in here»
«…ok, maybe your murder is worth a life in prison»
«You're eating away your guts just 'cause i'm having the final say»
«No, but i'm going to eat your guts anytime soon»
«Try me! Fight that fucking gnome! Then, you're gonna make better apologies»
«My apologies were flawless»
«You said i'm not your type! After…after making a mess out of me!»
«I've said, if you would have listen, that I was lead by my goddamn instinct»
«Yeah, and since when instinct tells you to ravage alone girls in the gym?»
«Since when i've heard you-»
He suddenly stops. Your mouth is still open, ready to talk back, when he starts to push you by the shoulder in order to get you out of his office immediately.
«Time is finished» he says as he tries to get rid of your presence.
But you're not ok with him.
«Nonononono, don't you even-»
«I've told you everything i had to»
«Fuck your excuses! You didn't even make me come!»
That wasn't a challenge. But somehow Ghost's brain classified it as such.
And the same night, in the gym, different machines…you spot him looking at you.
And your panties get instantly wet.
«No» you suddenly say. He gets closer.
«"No" what?»
«No. I won't»
«What?»
«Don't tease, you know "what"»
He doesn't listen to you, and starts a whole different topic:
«Wanna know something fun, kitty?»
«Can you find another nickname, please?»
Ghost's eyes make a turn under the eyelids, as he repeats: «Wanna know something fun, gnome?»
You make a pout, and he goes on:
«you've been the only one with enough guts to yell at me since fucking forever»
«Well, you've been the only one to touch my panties since…fucking forever. We're fair»
«…you mean it?»
«What?»
«No boyfriend? No sex? Never?»
«Never. Don't make fun of me»
«Why should i?»
«Dunno. An almost thirty years old is suppose to have made something in her life»
«You're working. And living. That's enough»
You're about to grab a weight, but you leave it there, looking at Ghost through the mirror.
«…oh»
He raises an eyebrow.
«…oh? That's the most sensible thought you've got?»
«It's just…i've thought…well…»
«What? What was that little brain of your thinking?»
Your face blush like hell as he comes closer, every step of him is a skipped heartbeat for you.
«I-i've just…i've thought that someone like you may be more…demanding?»
«You don't know me» he towers you in all of his highs «little gnome. 'S dangerous making assumptions on your enemy without collecting intel, don't ya know?»
«You're not an enemy». You swallow, finding yourself hesitate. «…i believe»
«You don't seem so sure about it»
And then he gives you the most threatening, close up encounter with his mask, leaning on you like an eagle on a mouse.
«How come, little gnome?»
You swallow. Than you remember he's your fucking lieutenant, and you're in the base gym, and there shouldn't be nothing to worry about, really. And you feel like an idiot, blushing and lowering your eyes. You decide to use his weapons against him:
«…it's dangerous making assumptions on your allies without collecting intel»
And he stares at you, seeming happy with your answer.
«You do are a brat, don't you?»
«I'm the cutest rookie in the entire base»
«Someone's going to make ya eat that goddamn tongue of you»
«They're just jealous»
«'s not like that»
«…No? Than w-»
«You can't talk back to your superior. You'll end up getting in trouble»
You instantly blush, blowing your cheeks.
«I've never-»
«You're doing it right now»
You blush more, become as red as the goddamn Snow White's apple. Your mouth is finally shutted, and he seems proud of his work. You try to make a step back, gaining some distance between you and his massive body…but he follows you. He follows you and he gets closer, trapping you between him and the weights rack.
«I…don't think i like brats that much»
Ghost is not touching you, but somehow you shiver under his voice as he's drilling your ears.
«I like you more with your little mouth shut»
The last word is perfectly underlined by his voice; another shiver down your spine, and you try to fill the silence to not explode under his presence:
«I'm afraid i'm not that good at staying silent, sir»
And he grabs you by the cheeks, squeezing them in one hand without effort, leaning on you as his gaze catches your red face:
«You did a great job yesterday, kitty»
And you melt in your panties. You do it with a little bit of regret just 'cause you'd rather endure a little bit more. You're about to say something, even if you know that as soon as you open your mouth the only thing that'll come out is a moan, and…
He releases you, so suddenly you've to concentrate not to lose balance, stumbling on your feet. He grabs a weight, announcing dramatically:
«But i've seen you've got your mouth fucking open the 90% of the time. That's why you're not my type, little gnome»
«But…you've searched for me»
He stops, holding the weights silently; he's not looking at you, but you know he's waiting for you to keep on with the speech. You swallow again, your throat is almost dry now.
«I know you've heard me. That night. You've heard me���touching. And-»
«So what? You were loud»
«Not that much- anyway, you've come in the gym just for me, i know it»
«No way»
«None come to the gym that late»
«But you were there»
«I'd a busy day- but that's not the point! I wasn't even watching you!»
He hiss a: «liar» in the middle of a curl. You cross your arms.
«…ok. Ok, MAYBE i was, but just for one goddamn sec-»
«So you do like me»
«FOR GODDAMN-»
You shut your mouth, biting your lips before saying something that could cost you way worse than a scolding by your superior. Your feet stomp till the biggest weights you can lift, and you start your rdl sets, knowing you're gonna hurt your back.
But he's looking. He's looking through the mirrors (too many goddamn mirrors in this gym) and it hurts your pride how he's acting like he doesn't care that much. So you take a deep breath, and while resting after the first set you spit it out:
«So you've touched me just 'cause you've felt like discharging some frustration?»
His arms suddenly stop moving. He turns his gaze at you, watching you directly this time, as you keep on:
«'cause, you know, since i'm not your type i can't find other reasons why you should've come to do those things. My appearance doesn't turn you on, so you've just found the first random person to use»
You lift the weights again, ready to release your bomb:
«So childish. It's not that mature for someone in your position»
You have no time to get aware of him who's just thrown his weights on the floor, reached you in two big steps, and now he's taking your weights from your hands like they're light butterflies, also throwing them on the floor.
He's towering you again, fists clench and hazel eyes on you.
«…it's your fault»
Your eyes widen. You've expected something different.
«Uhm…what?»
«That's why my apologies were good enough for you. 'S just your fault»
«What the hell of a fault did i-»
«You did it on purpose. Those…those fucking sounds of yours, your bloody behave, everything. Goddamn. Everything»
«How?? How could-»
«I don't know, you bloody witch!»
«So learn to know yourself better!»
«Maybe you could behave like a normal human being!»
«I was!»
«Liar. Bloody liar, you've spent the most of the time jerking on every fucking chair you were touching»
«You're hallucinating»
«And you've walked with closed eyes if ya didn't even notice what the hell you were doing»
«I'm not some animal in heat!»
«You looked so!»
«You could've just asked me to stop instead of wetting your hands in my panties!»
«I-»
This is his time to bite his lips, choking words behind the mask. He stares at you, and you return the glare, arms crossed and ice cold eyes on him, pretending not to feel the wetness in your underwear.
He sighs.
«I could crush you with my bare hands»
You stay still, eyes wide open, hands buried in your sweatshirt, asking yourself why the hell does he seem so embarrassed out of nowhere. Ghost sighs again, louder, blowing hot air away as if he's trying to discharge his lungs from something heavy.
«It's been days you walk everywhere with those goddamn swallowed eyes of yours, adjusting your panties under the uniform, trembling at the tiniest touch…what the hell did you expect? To not be noticed? You, a little whimpering knot tied on itself?»
Your mind gets blind for a second.
You listen with your eyelid twitching. It is…unreal. He's not describing you, that's what you try to get in your brain, convincing yourself that you've not behaved as he's saying.
You start to mutter through your teeth: «…but…no, no way, i'm not that-»
«Shameless? Dunno, have you ever tried looking at your fucking face in a mirror?»
«I-»
«Look little one, if you don't believe me, just ask someone else. Everyone have noticed»
«But-»
«'s not that i'm scolding you 'cause of your hormones. I'm just explaining myself»
«You…you're not explaining shit!»
«I am»
And he leaves you like this, curled on yourself, insecure and embarrassed. He turn on his heels, sending you a few last words:
«Ask the others 'bout it. The answer will surprise you»
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#fanfiction#call of duty modern warfare#call of duty#cod mw2#cod mw3#ghost x reader#ghost x you#sequel of a previous chapter#there is not that much of a smut content in here maybe you should check the previous chapter for more#cod fanfic#cod fic#task force 141#not accurate military men#i'm having too much fun writing dialogues please help#gnome is a better nickname#Is so funny writing hashtags on tumblr
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i want to hear more about your hayami hiro hyperfixation!
Have I ever told you how much I love that they gave Hiro a big yellow bow in his middle school idol outfit
I love him! He's ADORABLE!!!!!!! I wish there was merch of him in this outfit, it's 100% my favorite of his. I've definitely posted about this bow before, but when do you see a masculine character that you're supposed to take seriously in a big bow. Never. And then they made him wear it again in Pride the Hero. He genuinely looks amazing in it. It's a big poofy yellow bow, he looks like a tiny soft boy. It's great. I headcanon that he continues to wear this outfit at Over the Rainbow lives when him and Kouji sing Pride together, forever. Like I want a 26 year old Hiro still wearing this knock off school uniform and big yellow bow. And the crowd goes CRAZY.
I've also posted about this merch before, but this is my favorite merch outfit they've ever made for the guys. Hiro with his hair up 😅 I think it looks so good. The different style for Kouji's hair is really great too. You never really see anime guys with different hairstyles, but I really like the ones from this collab. But their entire outfits here. Hiro and Kouji are wearing matching leopard print belts, insane. What a fashion take, why does it work. Hiro is in a crop top here btw!!!!!!!!!! Like it's hard to tell because of the jacket but crop top Hiro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah I actually love everything about these outfits so much. I want a street Over the Rainbow song that we never got but deserved. Kazuki center Over the Rainbow.
Sorry I'm just picking random Hiro things I want to talk about lol
Something I was thinking about the other night was how Kouji and Kazuki both have pretty consistent symboling, at least in King of Prism anyway. I would argue Kouji doesn’t have a symbol in Rainbow Live. But in King of Prism Kouji is associated with honey, honestly not in the show but in the fandom, right. Because of that famous post where the person was like “Honey came out of his ass!” I still think that phrase is really funny. And Kazuki is really simple, he says burning, his thing is fire. But with Hiro I think we see the symbols associated with him evolve over time. It started with the yellow Rose and the use of yellow with him, we don’t necessarily see the yellow fade away, like I’m assuming the in-universe fandom still gives him yellow roses quite often. That’s just one of his idol things, like idols have callouts and a Hiro thing is that his fans give him yellow roses. But when Over the Rainbow starts he gets this heavy association with apples. It has to be an Adam & Eve, I’m pretty sure it’s an Adam and Eve thing, but I haven’t really figured it out. He’s Eve and Kouji is Adam? That’s what it is right? But what? I don’t know, it’s a stretch, maybe it isn’t an Adam and Eve thing, but my symbolism brain has a really hard time seeing someone take a bite out of Apple and not thinking it’s in Adam and Eve thing. But then there’s the third symbol and in my opinion the best one, or if anything this is the symbol of post-character arc hero. Like SSS era Hiro is heavily associated with crowns. Because he’s the King. Like specifically this style of crown:
And I never complained about it, but my personal gripe is that I think the traditional pointed crown is a lot less ugly LOL. But that’s irrelevant, regardless I think associating Hiro with crowns points to his character arc. That he overcame all of his struggles in Pride the Hero and came out a stronger person. I also just think this was his transition into an adult. I mean they probably officially said his age in Pride the Hero at some point, I’m pretty sure it’s 17, but he turned 18 in October of that year. And in my eyes him becoming the Prism King is him becoming an adult. It’s him casting aside the immaturity of childhood, and like committing to the things he loves. Committing to his job, his friends, his idol group. He is not a highschooler who can be manipulated anymore, he’s not a kid from a broken home. He’s an adult who won his life back. He’s overcome tragedy and this is his crown. Well not the one in the photo above, that’s from Prism Rush when they did like a fantasy thing, let me find a picture of his actual crown. I’m literally staring at it irl because he’s wearing it in a piece of merch that I have in my room.
I NEVER NOTICED IT HAS A HEART ON IT????? OH MY GOD WHY IS EVERYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH HIM SO ADORABLE
Anyway he deserves the crown. His arc to Prism Cup winner is stronger than Aira's imo (because Rhythm had the stronger arc in PR:AD heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy) It was clearly set up for him to win from the beginning but you can tell he's really the director's baby boy character. No other character could come close to winning.
In 4 years when he's 21 there is a 1000000000000% chance he wins again. I think Kazuki will be worn down by then (it's not that he's gotten worse it's that he spends a lot of his time working with kids and would put that before training). Kouji doesn't have the dancing or jumping skills. I think he knows that though he'd still try and try harder than anyone but Hiro. Yuki could maybe do it, but I genuinely think he's the only Septentrion boy who has a shot currently, the rest of them aren't focused enough on Prism shows and specifically that skill. And like ofc Shin could be cheezy prism power winner but idk he seems kinda like Kazuki in that his focus is spreading the love of prism or . whatever instead of actually grinding out skills in being a performer. I think even good guy Alec is still too destructive/wild to win though he could second place.
Apparently the Joji/Ace duo is actually super skilled? like based on their score in SSS. But that's TWO PEOPLE idk gang I love them but I want Ace before he turns 20 to realize that maybe he should sing for himself (I do love their duo though I just want it to be healthier for them both). Can Louis still jump? Does he still do prism shows after SSS? Something tells me no, but I mean who knows.
Anyway Hiro would win :) I want 21 year old Hiro to kick 16 year old Yuu's ass. I want Kouji to give 120% and still get his ass kicked and have a character arc where he has to realize like, he can't win but Hiro couldn't win without him, he's literally singing his song.
I am not kidding when I say I think about the next Prism King Cup like daily. I think the ages of the Septentrion boys works really well for a story there. It's not that I have it fully planned out, it's that I think through every kind of situation that could happen. It's so good.
They look so dumb. These 3 18 year olds are the most famous idols in Japan (I think Kazuki is 19, who cares.)
If they're 21 for the next Prism King cup, and (I'm rereading this like an hour later and I forgot you can drink in japan at 20 oh well,) after everything happens and they're just relaxing together again the night of the performance, Hiro and Kouji get fucking SMASHED. They just have that vibe. Kazuki either parties with them or is straight edge, I flip flop on that characterization for him. I also think all the girls are with them at that party, and it's like "mweh ur only 20 u can't drink," but Wakana is the type of 20 year old to NOT care and drink anyway, and Kouji is 100% slipping Ito drinks when only the two of them are looking. The other girls don't seem like drinkers. Bell is probably a wine mom later in life. A wine lesbian if you will.
The last thing I wanna rant about is that one group photo where Kazuki is getting his feet smashed, where is it.
Imagine if I had this saved instead of just googling it and scrolling every time.
Look at Hiro's stupid little hat. Look at his wink! No wait look at his hat, that's amazing why did he wear that?
Kouji ur looking the wrong way your boyfriend is on your right. Unless you're actually looking at Kazuki being tortured, then carry on.
This is probably the best Kazuki vs Kouji height photo, because with the whole group Kazuki looks SO SMALL. The girls are all in heels but I mean that gives them like once inch. He's so short. I love it.
Like you could be saying "Kouji is looking at his girlfriend and she's holding his arm hmmm," And I'm over here saying "Kouji is wearing MATCHING ROSE PINS WITH HIS BOYFRIEND," any questions?
I just realized these are different suits then the suits they wear in that one OTR business intro in SSS. I know cuz I have a standee of those suits lol. I guess they're famous they probably need more then one suit. Hiro and Kouji's are worse here, but Kazuki's is better for the bowtie.
Actually I lied, Hiro and Kouji have better colored suits and waistcoats above, but I really like their gay matching roses idk.
I don't have a conclusion for this post, it's just a bunch of random observations I have on my mind constantly about Hiro. In conclusion, Hiro Hayami is gay. or bi idk. I feel like he thought he liked Bell but comphet. So he calls himself bi, but let's be honest he's only dating Kouji. Or Kazuki i'm down for the street kings ship. Kazuki and Two H. Or he's dating both of them, I'm a very pro poly person.
God I could talk about Two H or Poly OTR for a long time, but I wont today I will stop typing. Sorry about my hyperfixation!!!!!!
#ramblings#king of prism#hayami hiro#oh god why did I write so much#I will put this in queue so it doesn't look like I wrote it write after writing the last one
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I've had to block the "tarot reading" and "pick a card" and "pendulum reading" tags because otherwise the witchblr tag is completely unusable. I wish there was a way to stop those posts from showing up altogether instead of showing up but saying "this post is hidden". I also wish I could mute users without blocking them. I don't want to see AI generated crap constantly and the same correspondences posted over and over but I also don't necessarily want to ban this person from seeing my content (if there are ways to do this please let me know, I was off tumblr for a long time).
I also ran into the problem when starting to use this blog again of feeling like I needed to explain every single detail anytime I made a post, but even still someone will come onto it with an "um actually" and I feel the need to constantly justify myself with "this is MY practice and how EYE do things after 15+ years", like I can't explain 15 years of practice every single time and how I arrived at doing things a certain way.
I decided this year I'm just not doing educational posts anymore altogether. If someone has questions then I'm happy to help, and when I see questions I feel like I can contribute to I answer them, but I ended up spending so much time agonising over the perfect wording and making sure every single detail is covered so extensively that it ended up making me hate writing.
It's funny going over my posts from four years ago, there were so many actual discussions in the community and the witchblr tag was full of people just sharing their practices and talking about different methods and techniques. There was still fighting of course but it was a different kind I guess?
And there is so much constant virtue signalling it's becoming unbearable. Every few posts is calling out x behaviour or y behaviour but like I'm in the witchblr tag every day, and never see those behaviours being called out actually happening. Half the time I suspect people are making up something to be mad about or they say some ragebait thing on another site and they're posting it like it's a regular occurrence.
I think the leaning further and further into the realm of "you don't have to do anything to be a witch, as long as you feel like one" has done the community some damage. I understand this was meant to be inclusive, but at some point if you've never made a loaf of bread in your life, can you call yourself a baker? There does need to be some element of practice beyond reblogging aesthetic images in the name of a deity (I would argue that makes one more of a devotee than a practitioner?). How one practices is entirely personal, but "practice" implies there is some doing.
Maybe this is what folks are trying to do with the #advwitchblr tag? It's unfortunately still very slow moving, but I'm hoping more and more people catch on to using it. This is also why I made the Witchcraft Discussion community as an alternative to the Witchcraft community so it was focused more on discussion than memes and random stuff unrelated to witchcraft, but so far I'm the only person posting there.
Anyway sorry for rambling on your post but this has also been on my mind for a while lol
excuse my complaining but
i wish the witchcraft tags on here weren't clogged up with tarot asks and selfies and AI generated crap
bring back spells and rituals and masterposts and tarot deck reviews and people learning how to do magic for more than the aesthetic and views
please im begging at this point lmao
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@autumn-foxfire I hope you don’t mind me just straight up making a post and pinging you because I had Thoughts on this recent ask you got about how people reduce characters who’ve experienced trauma into certain tropes, and by the time I wrote them all out, it was way much to just shove into the notes. OTL
cw: discussion of BNHA-canon abuse
I feel like there's this perception that it's all-or-nothing with whether a character understands that abuse is wrong or is otherwise dumbed down, but... honestly, from my personal experience, you can be very fucking smart and still be highly skilled at essentially gas-lighting yourself into submission. It’s really hard to live long-term in a situation that you know is messed up when you also can’t or won’t leave it, especially if the perpetrators of whatever messed up thing is happening are supposed to be Good (TM) - whatever that means for any given person, from ‘a superhero’ to ‘the government entity in charge of saving people’ to ‘a wise guardian’ to ‘literally just someone you’re close friends with and have respect for.’
A lot of people can objectively know that X thing (verbal abuse, child grooming, neglect, whatever) is wrong in a vacuum, but have a really hard time applying it to themselves in the specific situation that it’s happening in. Screaming at someone who didn’t do anything is wrong, but maybe the person who’s yelling is having a rough time and you should have been more careful to not upset them when you know that they’re struggling with their mental health right now and have a lot of triggers; hitting a child is wrong, but it’s not domestic violence if it’s just a part of standard hero training by one of the most prolific, well-respected heroes in the world - it’s not like UA doesn’t have combat models, too, and they’re a high school, they must know what’s good for kids; maybe someone is doing a bad thing, but you’re so used to seeing them as right and just that it just doesn’t occur to you contemplate that they are wrong; etc, etc, etc.
And someone who has experienced this kind of abuse and these kinds of warped thinking is not necessarily going to experience them forever... but just because they don’t act like they thought that way doesn’t mean they didn’t, and also doesn’t mean that those kinds of thoughts aren’t still something they have to work through sometimes. Personally, Todoroki’s anger at his father feels like a familiar ‘I can’t believe you did that, I can’t believe you let me think that way, I can’t believe you made me think that was even partially okay’ reaction, and his attitude in general has a lot of ‘I’m still working through this’ evidence for me. He’s still very focused on a lot of his father’s ideals even as he works through them, his anger is strongly directed at Endeavor, and he really doesn’t want his dad to touch him - and maybe that’s because he’s pissed rather than because Endeavor reaching for him is a trigger, or maybe it’s both. It’s still a visceral, strong emotional reaction that resulted from Endeavor’s treatment of him.
Anyways, my point overall is that I do think that many authors and artists seem to find it a point of catharsis to write about a character like Hawks or Todoroki being helpless and in need of rescue, but at the same time, I really disagree with disparaging all the traits that fall under the “weak” trauma-reaction umbrella as dumbing down characters. Recovery is messy and doesn’t always make sense, especially in your own head. I think we need more variety in how people portray trauma, because ‘meek and helpless model victim’ is really not the best prototype to reflect real life and the prevalence of it probably isn’t fair to the majority of trauma victims, but I don’t think writing Todoroki as on some level afraid of a guy who beat his mother and him until he threw up is, like... in any way not completely understandable. That doesn’t make him weak or unaware.
#personal#cw abuse#autumn foxfire#cw child abuse#also ngl I generally just assume that people write trauma victims like that to work through their own shit#so I'm less inclined to judge I guess#even if I do think it sucks that Meek And Helpless has become the default#I like writing Hawks as Sort Of Aware But I Can't Really Do Anything About It So I'm Not Going To Think About It Too Closely#Avoiding Cognitive Dissonance FTW#Except When I'm Making Off-Color Jokes About It To Deal#ANYWAYS SORRY I'm not necessarily arguing with the points made in that post I just have a lot of feelings on the subject#and wanted to talk abt them#long post#I guess I should probably tag#bnha#bnha meta#todoroki meta#op meta
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WIP Wednesday 12/28
I didn't realize it's been so long since I've done one of these! This is for a fic that is in the editing stages and with any luck should be ready for posting sometime soon. It was inspired by a Tumblr post that talked about Hallmark Xmas romance movies and how the 'bad guy' ex-boyfriends weren't all necessarily bad guys, and then people were joking about 2 of them meeting as they were leaving the small town after getting dumped... so my mind immediately went to SangCheng.
~~~
From that point forward, Nie Huaisang just tried to focus on getting onto the plane and stashing his carry-on in the overhead compartment without dropping it on someone's head. It was a small plane with but a single aisle and two seats on either side. As he was patting his carry-on into place, he took a peek along the aircraft to see if he could spot his drinking companion, but he couldn't see him from here. He sighed and sat down in his window seat, then tried his best to relax as the rest of the passengers took their seats and settled in for the flight.
“Um, excuse me?” He looked up to see a woman with dark bags under her eyes and unkempt hair hanging over a harried expression. “I'm sorry to bother you, but... I couldn't get two seats together and my daughter is several rows away. I don't suppose you'd be willing to switch places with her so we can sit together?”
Perhaps another day he might have argued or put up a token protest – he didn't like being inconvenienced, particularly when he was feeling miserable and heartbroken – but the little bit of kindness Jiang Cheng had shown him made him feel a little more charitable than usual. “Sure, just let me get my bag.”
“Oh, thank you!”
The woman turned to speak to the stewardess as Nie Huaisang gathered his things – jacket, phone, magazine – and reached up to fetch his carry-on. The stewardess was just returning with a young girl in tow, and after showing the child to Nie Huaisang's seat, she reached out to take his bag for him.
“The overheads are getting full so I'll find a spot for your bag, sir. Thank you again for your kindness during this holiday season.”
“It's not a problem,” he replied as he was led down the length of the aircraft. “I'm flying alone anyway.”
“Right here, I've already alerted your seat-mate to the situation. If you need anything during the flight, please let me know.”
“Thank you,” he called out as she walked away with his bag, then turned to the seat he'd been led to.... “Jiang Cheng?”
Jiang Cheng looked equally surprised to see him, but it gave way to a smirk. “Seems I can't shake you for long, can I.”
“That's me, your friendly neighbourhood stalker.” Nie Huaisang caught a look from the stewardess asking him to get settled in; he quickly lowered into the seat and went about putting on his seatbelt.
“It's fine, at least you'll be better company. Not that I don't like kids, but... I'm not exactly in the right mood to deal with them right now.”
It wasn't long before the staff went about their safety instruction routines, then everyone sat back as the plane's engines were started. Nie Huaisang hadn't flown very often in his life, but takeoff had always been his favourite part of flying. Even though the sky outside the plane was dark, he kept his eyes on the window and what little view he had outside. The plane taxied down the runway and he felt a ball of exhilaration in his stomach that only grew bigger and bigger; the plane stopped, the engines suddenly shifted, and the plane sped up and lifted from the ground.
His body felt both heavy and weightless, his lungs were demanding he begin to breathe again, and his eyes picked out the clouds in the sky that reflected the moonlight, with the stars blinking overhead. It was the best he'd felt in a very, very long time. He blinked and realized he'd been crying – it seemed he had some tears left in him after all – but before he could begin searching for a tissue, one was placed in his hands. He shifted his gaze to see that Jiang Cheng had been watching him, and he nodded his thanks as he took the tissue and used it to wipe at his cheeks.
“Sorry,” he muttered. “I just... like this part, a lot. And I'm not usually this emotional.” Sure he was dramatic and over-exaggerating and flamboyant, but rarely was he ever genuinely emotional over something.
“It's all right. After the week you've had... you deserve to have something nice to smile about.”
Nie Huaisang let out a self-deprecating chuckle, but then Jiang Cheng's face was transformed by a gentle smile – the sort Da-ge and their parents would get when Nie Huaisang would do something cute or silly, or the kind their father would give one of their mothers when they'd done something endearing. Had Eric ever smiled at him like that?
Did it even matter anymore? Eric wasn't here, didn't want to be near him. But at least there was one person unrelated to him who seemed to think he wasn't completely useless.
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hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole
hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.
the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.
like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.
basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)
i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:
moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor
rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.
this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.
incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.
like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.
this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.
and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.
moffat hates women
he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.
girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!
its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.
not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.
does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.
genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.
moffat hates permanent consequences
steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.
the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.
rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”
basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*
*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.
i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.
and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.
it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.
so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.
#sorry if this is repetitive or makes no sense or if i got some details of the show wrong#i simply couldnt be bothered to put too much effort into this post#lest it become a research paper and take me several weeks to answer#anyway thats all my opinions#dw#ok to rb
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Hey, so this is a thing related to the people yelling at you for how you choose to label your relationship. If you are FUCKING DONE with that shit, carry on. :) For the record I am not mad, I just get that sometimes you wish a topic would die. Which is why I felt compelled to say something to you, but chose to do it on an ask instead of reblogging and waking up a post you might want to quiet down.
I am a bi woman in a relationship with a man and I absolutely would call it a “straight relationship” if hard pressed to label it. I don’t think you did anything wrong and the person yelling at you really needs to find something else to yell about.
I truly do believe in the power and agency of language, but I guess I would just so much rather be concerned with whether or not you are happy in a relationship than if who ever you are talking about it with got everyone’s labels absolutely 100% correct. A label is just that— something to call a thing by. It doesn’t tell the whole story, and it doesn’t necessarily need to. I’ve also never said to anyone “hey I’m in a straight/gay/queer relationship” because people just don’t talk like that?? Idk maybe I’m just An Old.
I’m sorry people had to die on that hill and decided that you were a good outlet for their frustrations.
Hi! As much as I want that post to die it seems you still had some thoughts about it so I don't wanna leave you hanging :)
Honestly I just threw out the thoughts I had at the time and it blew up. I never thought how I would label my relationship before that because I didn't feel a need to do that. People kept berating me in the notes for calling it straight and it annoyed me so much I felt the need to clarify what I meant and why labeling the relationship itself didn't matter to me.
In the end, there is no use in arguing about personal labels. I would never pressure anyone into using a certain label and I understand the significance it has for each individual.
This really just made me think about why I wrote the post this way. I never really talk about this stuff irl and much less in English so ig I just threw out what I wanted to say in the first words that came to mind.
What I meant initially was that bi people regardless of relationship status or label are still bi. However I did label my relationship as a straight relationship with that post and people understood what I wanted to say and identified with it. So I actually stand by my point . Bi people in straight relationships are still bi. If you don't think this label fits you, that's fine too.
While I understand like you said "the power and agency of language" and try to listen and adjust my language where I can to be inclusive, I also think it's important I'm still true to myself where I am concerned. (On second thought I do acknowledge "straight" as opposed to bent or queer can have negative connotations so maybe I should just use hetero as in "not the same, different"? Idk.) Anyways, this was a bi person talking about a bi issue. We face enough exclusion from all sides as it is, I didn't think how we label our relationships would be this big of a focus in a post where I was talking about my thoughts on the Kit Connor allegedly queerbaiting situation.
Thanks for your thoughts on this, I appreciate your input.
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Ok I'm indigenous, so I can't really speak on the critism of Mary's character, but people seem to think she's the only black character in Choices which is incorrect as James is fancasted as Kedar Williams-Stirling, and Dorcas Meadows is also a black woman. Continue on everyone, I just wasn't sure if everyone knew that.
By the way y'all are amazing and Soph you've really earned my respect on the way you've handled the critisim. Most people don't have the maturity to have conversations like this.
Anyways, Mia is indigenous and her fancast is Jamie Loy. I don't make the rules, it's just fact.
Hey, So, the reason I'm answering these all together, even though they obviously all have interesting individual points, is because I kinda want to address this conversation as a whole instead of in pieces in replies to each of these.
I want to say, off the top, that I think the original anons had some valid criticisms. I'm sorry if that got lost or if I was too flippant and not respectful enough with my answers. I think things like asking why I gave Mary certain characteristics that I didn't give Lily is a very good question that I don't necessarily think I have a good answer for and that's a problem. It would be incredibly hypocritical of me to sit here and go "Y'all need to look at your internalized misogyny" while simultaneously refusing to interrogate my own internalized biases. I am the first person to admit that I have made mistakes with this story, and with Mary specifically. I think that the very immediate nature of fanfiction makes it hard to be as reflective as I would like to be and to have the perspective that I would like to have on chapters before I post them. I really want to try not to come at this criticism with counter arguments, I know I originally sort of tried to explain myself and what I wanted to do with Mary's character but I'm not sure that that was helpful. Because arguing means that I'm not really listening. Or maybe not listening enough. I know this fandom has a history of treating POCs really really poorly and I honestly have no interest in being a part of that. I think these conversations are really important, I think these criticisms are really important, and I worry that when we have them in online spaces like this, it becomes very easy to dehumanize the person we're arguing with, to dismiss them, and to treat them disrespectfully. And again I really don't want this to turn into that. btw this is not me insinuating that any of the above anons did this I am just saying one of my anxieties around continuing this conversation here, is that it has the potential to dissolve into that. I appreciate all of you taking the time to talk with me about this, to share your insights and opinions, because I am just one person and I am very limited in the ways I can view these characters and these issues and it's helpful to hear from you, whether good or bad, and I really do try to hold myself accountable. I know I don't always succeed at that but I'm trying to get better! Okay, sorry for this long ass essay :)
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Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 16)
We've just seen a pretty stressful arc, and on the other end of this post is yet another stressful arc. Upcoming is little break from serious plotlines to focus more on relationship growth and introduce some concepts that may seem minor now but will be pretty important later (though that will especially be the case for Mikan's perspective).
I'm on something of a vacation right now so I don't have a lot of time to format and work on this. The editing might be somewhat limited so if there's more mistakes than usual (not that I ever make mistakes) then I'm very sorry.
Chapter Seventy-One
The next few chapters are a welcome respite from the stresses of two major arcs. We just had to deal with Natsume’s heavy backstory, Mikan’s near-death experience, and a lot of fighting. The next major arc is the Sport Fest, and that gets pretty heavy very early on. So having a short break like this is more than needed so that we can catch our breath and maybe foolishly hope that everything will stay “back to normal”.
We join Natsume, who is again looking wistfully at the little Christmas-wrapped bag. We still aren’t entirely sure what’s in it, reading for the first time, but we can surmise it has something to do with Mikan. But reading for the nth time, we know that it’s his alice stone, and he’s been keeping it with himself since at least New Year’s, but probably earlier as well.
Quick! Put that away, it's embarrassing!
He’s interrupted by Ruka, who is eager to spend time with his friend. They’re both able to laugh and joke with each other, which prompts Ruka to say that he knows Mikan helped Natsume get to the point where he can laugh freely.
It’s interesting, because, even though it should be, Natsume’s DA class life is not necessarily any easier. In fact, it’s harder. He’s going through more now than ever as a way to take all the punishment for the problems with the Hana Hime party. And yet somehow, despite all that, he’s still able to smile. He’s light-hearted. He’s at peace with his life, content simply to stand in the same vicinity as Mikan.
Natsume’s love for her is pure and innocent. All he wants is to keep her safe. Seeing her happy makes him happy. The fact that she considers him a friend is more than enough to keep him smiling. He is not morose that she probably doesn’t feel the same. In fact, in a lot of ways, he’d prefer she doesn’t, because he still can’t give much more than he already is.
So, yes, he can smile, despite his life not being much easier, all because Mikan is in it.
Ruka then points out another fact, that he knows Natsume stayed to protect Mikan.
Natsume confirms it. He says he’ll protect Mikan from anything that stands in her way, no matter what.
In the TokyoPop, he just says something like "no matter what" but here he just goes out and says it (sacrificing my own life...). Natsume's fate was obvious from the start. It was all leading to a specific outcome. It was always going to happen this way. He's just too eager...
This scene is a further example of how that scene from after the Christmas Ball has really changed their friendship. They are more open with each other. They have conversations. They laugh together. They communicate. There are still some topics Natsume won’t touch, but he can be open with Ruka about this.
Ruka says he wants to protect her too, because he also likes Mikan, and because he wants to keep Natsume smiling. After all, Ruka promised that if Natsume wasn’t smiling, he wouldn’t either, and now Natsume is smiling. That’s worth protecting, because it didn’t come easy.
There truly are no hard feelings between them about Mikan. They aren’t turning bitter, or arguing over her. There’s no resentment. They loved each other before they loved Mikan and ultimately they just want the other to be happy. And whoever Mikan chooses to love, if it even ends up being one of them, would be fine, because she’ll be happy too. Moreover, they both seem to be somewhat rooting for the other, and always have been, especially Natsume. He wants Ruka and Mikan to be happy, and because he’s aware that his life will be cut very short, he doesn’t think she will be happy if she chooses him, which would never happen, in his own mind. Why would anyone choose him over Ruka?
Ruka then reminisces on the day they both first met Mikan, where we get a full explanation of why Natsume tried to escape that day: not because of Misaki-sensei’s claims that Natsume was a repeat escapee, but because he was getting bullied and wanted a letter from his dad.
The story ends and they both notice Mikan crying, trying to find Hotaru. She finds Narumi instead, who makes a comment that he knew from the moment he first saw her that she’d save Natsume, and confirms that’s why he made her his partner. Now that Natsume is no longer such a troublemaker, and that he has done his job in helping him, there’s less of a weight on his shoulders. Of course, the wind is raging and she can’t hear him, but Natsume heard.
Who the fuck is Narumi calling a burden?
He’s angry because Narumi is right. He also finally knows who exactly pulled the strings to make them partners, and that he’s in love with her because of Naru’s meddling. So he jumps down from the tree and kicks him, causing Mikan, who was in his arms, to be flung far away.
That gives Natsume enough time to scold Naru for hugging Mikan in the first place, and also for having the audacity to say Natsume’s behavior was a weight on his shoulders. Essentially, stay out of my business, despite the fact that Narumi sticking his nose in Natsume’s business is exactly the reason Natsume is so happy right now.
But even when Natsume storms off and Mikan angrily follows him, and they’re both trailed by Ruka, Narumi can see the truth. He was spot on.
Chapter Seventy-Two
This chapter is a fountain of lore! There’s so much new information and the online scans have kept me ignorant to it for a long time! There’s a lot of text and info, so it might be daunting to have to translate it all and write it out, but the price of saving time is that fans who care will be at a disadvantage.
I wanted to share some of the information that I’d found lacking in the scans just in case anybody wanted to know: the more powerful a user is, the more control they have over a stone’s size, shape, and vividness of color. Thus, Tono, a powerful alice user, can make his alice stone look like an eggplant. You could imagine a powerful user making their stone heart-shaped, or more circular or ovular depending on what they like best. The color of the alice stone reflects the user’s personality and maybe even their alice, not necessarily their favorite color, which is how Ruka’s ends up being a cream/brownish color, and not blue like I’d imagined for years. Koko reads some color meanings from an aura textbook to help sort out what the colors in a stone might signify.
This is all brought on anyway by Mikan being followed by an aquamarine alice stone, which we can tell is probably Sakurano’s. Out of loyalty to Yuka, he has strong wishes of wanting to protect Mikan, hence the stone following her around and being aquamarine, which symbolizes feelings of compassion and care.
Natsume and Ruka are both confused about this stone--it’s neither of theirs, after all--but since Mikan has so many friends who care for her, even amongst the staff and upperclassmen, it honestly could have come from anybody.
Although everyone wants to see Natsume make an alice stone, seeing as he is the most powerful alice user in Class B, Narumi makes it clear that he’s already learned everything there is to know about making stones, and thus can do whatever he wants during the lesson, which is what Natsume had wanted. This is intriguing information, because Narumi says specifically, “There’s nothing more we can teach him,” which begs the question: how does Narumi know? Has Natsume shown the staff his alice stone? It’s unlikely he would’ve asked a teacher for help in creating one, since he doesn’t trust any of them as far as he can throw them. But maybe, in order to get out of doing the lesson, he showed a teacher his alice stone to prove that he doesn’t need to be taught anything.
Tono brings up one last tip before they all begin to make their first alice stones. For once, you’re not using your alice for your own use. Somebody else will be using your stone, so how you feel about the person will come out in the stone, whether it’s good or bad. Wanting to protect or harm somebody, whether you have concern or resentment towards them, it will all show up in the stone, so focusing on certain emotions is tantamount to getting the result you want. These feelings can also influence the color, like everything else.
Red is mentioned as being a color of passion and strong feelings, and although Natsume's alice stones are all red anyway, according to his personality, it's interesting that when he makes a stone just for Mikan, it comes out as such a vibrant red. He is very passionately in love with her and it shows in the color. He also only had to think of her to get such a huge stone, and although that's also due to the fact that he has such a powerful control over his alice, it's also impressive that just thinking of her yielded such results.
It is after this lecture that Mikan is finally made aware of the true meaning behind exchanging alice stones and the romantic significance it can carry. Anna and Nonoko explain that the romantic tradition is what inspires girls to give stones with their chocolates on Valentine’s Day, and that it can also connote a proposal of marriage.
Mikan freaks out now that she knows what she and Ruka essentially promised. Natsume can see that she’s freaking out, but because he saved himself this humiliation by rejecting Mikan’s stone, the only person he’d really be concerned for is Ruka, whose feelings he was initially protecting by not telling Mikan anything that night.
Before anything crazy can really happen, everyone starts the lesson and gets to work making their stones. Although Iinchou and Hotaru are more successful, making stones that can actually be seen and held without a microscope, the rest of Class B isn’t quite as skilled yet. They’re all exhausted from the effort, even if it only gave them pebbles as a result, and all somewhat embarrassed and depressed that they couldn’t make bigger stones.
So Tono suggests they play “Alice Stone in the Dark”, that is, that you find someone in the dark and when the lights come back on, you have to exchange stones. Class B only gets really into this idea at the concept of getting their hands on a useful alice to make the most of the possible combinations.
He has this expression for the whole scene. He's so cute when he's flustered.
Thus the game begins, and even Natsume participates, albeit reluctantly. He’s probably just trying to avoid other people and possibly being forced to exchange stones--because he’s not going to make one on the spot and he doesn’t want to give away the stone that rightfully belongs to Mikan.
It turns out luck is on his side, because someone grabs his hand and when the light comes back on, the person is Mikan! She smiles in relief that she was able to find him, and explains that she wanted to force her stone on him. She keeps blabbing on and he doesn’t say a single word the whole time, just standing there shocked because of all the people in the class, Mikan wanted to give her stone specifically to him.
He's never gonna lose that tiny pebble... this is one of the best things that's ever happened to him.
It’s tiny and practically unusable, but that doesn’t matter to him. This little pebble is enough for him. She wanted to give him her stone, because she cares about him, and that gesture is enough to finally spur Natsume into leaving her his alice stone by her bedroom window. It’s more or less anonymous, but he wants her to know that she is thoroughly loved too, even if she has no idea who loves her this much.
Chapter Seventy-Three
It’s Valentine’s Day, otherwise Hell on Earth for popular Alice Academy boys. The romantic and sweet ingredients for chocolates at a normal school are replaced with potions and chemicals and pranks. The more popular and beloved you are, the worse your experience on Valentine’s Day will be.
Mikan decides to give her chocolates to all her friends, but they make it clear to her that accepting chocolate from anyone less than your true love would be terribly risky and stupid, so even if she does give it to all her friends, they probably wouldn’t eat them.
Maybe I’m wrong, but Natsume, who’s looking through a Sanrio catalog, wouldn’t be all that bothered about being one of many to receive chocolate from her. She specifically selected him to receive her pathetic alice stone, after all, and he’s made peace with the fact that they can never be together.
He does get bothered later, however.
He’s hiding, because it’s Valentine’s Day and he’s incredibly popular. He has an overly passionate fan club and closet admirers from all over campus, so being out in the open is dangerous business. He stays in the vents for a while, and thus he witnesses Mikan giving Ruka some Valentine chocolate, asking him to be the first to accept them. They both escape the classroom, Mikan dropping a little baggy of chocolates as she goes.
Natsume drops down and decides that he will be the first to accept them, actually, and eats them. It’s not anything huge, and Mikan won’t even find out that he ate them until a year later, but for now, he’s just acting on his own. He can be selfish here because nobody else knows about it. It’s just a harmless little thing to make himself feel better, with absolutely no consequences. Besides, he finds the chocolate disgusting, so no harm no foul.
Natsume, she couldn't have asked you first, she didn't even know where you were!
The climax of the chapter happens when all the most popular boys in school: Tsubasa, Tono, Natsume, among others, are all running from a stampede of rabid and sadistic girls. They’re flinging chocolates willy-nilly, desperate to get a catch. One is heading right towards Mikan, so Natsume gets in the way, catching it just in time, right when a girl flings one into his mouth.
Natsume has just consumed a love potion chocolate, selflessly, for Mikan (this chapter is so silly), so of course he’s now infatuated with Tsubasa, who is terrified, because it’s embarrassing and because Natsume will be pissed when the potion wears off.
This is very romantic but very ridiculous. Natsume really does take protecting Mikan quite seriously.
More or less, since the love potion is like a pheromone extract, we can see how Natsume has changed in his reactions to such an alice. In the very first chapter, Natsume passed out entirely from the pheromones. Misaki explained that someone entirely inexperienced in romance would pass out immediately, but Natsume is no longer inexperienced, so there’s way more of an effect.
The chapter isn’t particularly important, especially compared to the alice stone one, but it’s a silly little break from the real drama.
Chapter Seventy-Four
The next two chapters are joint, forming the little “Elementary Graduation” arc. We find out that students are to remain at the academy until they are twenty years old, so Natsume wouldn’t have to just power through another seven years, but nine until he could truly be free, and that’s much harder to accomplish.
Anyway, Mikan has seen the senior graduation and is inspired to do something special for the elementary graduation. She doesn’t just want to sing a lame song, she wants to do a special performance! Thus begins the drama of Sumire bossing everyone around because she’s one of the only kids with any real musical talent in a class full of amateurs.
One such amateur proves to be Natsume, who confidently selects the sax to play. Everyone, so convinced that he is talented at everything, is shocked to see how horribly he plays his instrument. Class B gets more and more enraged with Sumire’s attitude, only in part because the only lackluster performer she won’t call out is Natsume, who plays the worst of all of them.
The class breaks in two, and Sumire decides that she will play solo with two other partners who are musically inclined, leaving everyone in the dust. They cheer up eventually, when Ruka leads the class in an impromptu playing session, where everyone prioritizes fun over sound. Even Natsume joins in with his sax, and he seems to be making progress.
It's not a mandatory project, but he wants to join in anyway. (At some point Ruka comments, "You've gotten quite attached to that sax, haven't you?" which is cute because it shows Natsume doesn't just want to fit in, he's also genuinely interested in that specific instrument. Anyway Natsume as a famous jazz performer--)
Natsume electing to join in is very interesting. He doesn’t have to do this, especially because he’s terrible at the sax. He’s choosing to have fun with everyone and learn something new, even if everyone can see how bad he is to start with. He’s finally allowing himself to make friends, not just with Mikan, but with the whole class. He’s in a different place than in the first few chapters. Sure, he still has a fan club and devoted followers, but instead of viewing them as vessels to pass the time at best and annoyances at worst, he now considers them his friends. He wants to spend time with them and have fun together. And, no it wouldn’t have happened without Mikan’s help, but Natsume had to accept the change. He helped go on a mission to save Iinchou and Hotaru, to help Class B, and ever since he’s been slowly getting more involved in class. His birthday in particular also highlighted that his classmates care genuinely about him, so it’s made him all the more willing to repay the favor.
Chapter Seventy-Five
Mikan wants the two rival factions to make up, specifically Sumire and Koko. Nothing she says is enough to inspire peace and she’s distraught that no progress is being made.
She sees Natsume and Ruka playing with fireworks for no reason. They can tell instantly that she’s still bothered about Permy’s falling out from the rest of the class. Last chapter, Ruka tried to help Mikan by cheering everyone up and starting a little music session. This chapter, Natsume gives her advice. He says all relationships have ups and downs, and Permy is just aggravating the situation because she’s a kid and doesn’t know better. They all care about each other; they just need time to figure it out. And besides, he says, it’s way more Mikan’s style to give them an excuse to make up rather than forcing them to communicate. This cheers Mikan up and she runs off to come up with an idea.
They haven't known each other for a full year even but he still knows her pretty well. How cute!
Ruka teases Natsume for watching her and being a stalker, and we can see that despite what Natsume said about all relationships going through fights every once in a while, Natsume and Ruka won’t be having a fight anytime soon, least of all over Mikan. They accept each other’s feelings and are just happy to be happy and crushing on a girl together.
And Natsume has been paying attention, clearly, because he always keeps his eye on Mikan. Of course, he does this to keep her safe, because she’s being used against him by the DA Class, but also because he loves her. He wants to know everything about her, and see her everyday, so naturally small things about her would click into place for him.
Later, when Mikan figures out how to make everyone make up, Natsume is one of the first people to step up and help Permy. He’s helping Mikan too, because what she wanted more than anything was for everyone to make up, and it will help give the rest of the class the courage to step up too. He loves her, so he’s willing to embarrass himself playing the sax to help her bring everyone together again.
Conclusion
Chapter Seventy-Six has almost no Natsume in it, and his few appearances are pretty unimportant. He doesn’t do or say anything, so I felt comfortable skipping it. Anyway, these little chapters showed just how much Natsume has changed since he met Mikan. He’s now involved with the class, willing to have fun and embarrass himself. He is much more like he was before the academy stole all his vivaciousness. Of course, he’ll never be that kid again. He’ll always be more mature and selfless than he should be, but at least he can smile and laugh with the others for now. In the next essay, we’ll see that happiness evaporate as the academy narrows in on Mikan.
I don't think I'll be able to post on Monday, sadly. I'll try to post next Friday instead to make up for it, and to keep up four-day-a-week posting. I don't want y'all to catch up to where I am quite yet, so I'm going to put in a lot of effort into writing as much as I can whenever I can over these next few weeks. Thanks for reading, beloveds.
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#gakuen alice#alice academy#hyuuga natsume#natsume hyuuga#natsumikan#sakura mikan#mikan sakura#my meta#ga#mine#ga meta#ga meta: nm#ga meta: manga#ga meta: manga nm#let's talk about natsumikan#let's talk about natsumikan: natsume#in honor of natsume being flustered in the alice stone chapter we have flustered natsume at the beach w mikan for the title image#bloodsport by raleigh richie this time#listen to it. it fits SO WELL FHBESHFDHSJ im always so obsessed with that song#ill probably post again on tuesday so see you then mwah!#cant wait for luna how exciting
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you were talking about something a bit similar yesterday so I'm sorry for being late to the conversation, but I just do not understand people who are fans of the LOV and yet are so vehemently hateful towards Midoriya, and in turn most of the other kids. I understand the criticism that sometimes the kids get things handed to them by the story, but tbh that is just to be expected of the protagonist characters in a shonen manga like this one. even so however, it's not like Midoriya gets off free of everything that he does? his actions and his sacrifices and very actually very rarely ever truly appreciated within the story, just because he is successful in most of his feats doesn't mean that the people around him necessarily Notice (him only getting one internship request after the sports festival despite displaying amazing power and critical thinking skills, the Stain Hosu incident, even in the VERY BEGINNING of the series when he runs forward to save Bakugou he says himself that he was only reprimanded for being so careless in his actions).
I see so many people who are (so ironically) only seeing the story in black and white, when in reality these kids, and Midoriya especially, are being negatively impacted by hero society just as much as the villains are, they're just experiencing it from a different angle. (Which adds a whole other layer to the Midoriya becoming the greatest hero plotline, because the society that he is also fighting against is the one that was shaped that way by his predecessor- albeit unintentionally.) Midoriya is going to be the one to try to save Shigaraki, Midoriya has already become the greatest hero by actively looking past the actions of Shig and the League and wanting to help them.
- I didn't get to finish my thought from the FULL ESSAY I sent earlier (my bad about how long that ended up being lmao) but...yeah I was saying about how Midoriya is already a better hero at 16 than most other pros because he actively wants to help the League. Midoriya is exactly the kind of hero that the villains, and Shigaraki in particular, needs in order to have the happy ending that so many want for him. I agree that the manga has been a bit of a drag-along for the past few...months tbh, and I am absolutely Livid at the way that Bones has structured the story, and it's causing a lot of boredom and Tons of tension with people, but I feel like a lot of villain fans are taking that out on the integrity of the characters themselves, which is causing a lot of the mischaracterizaton of Midoriya in particular. n idk, I just find it sort of ironic, DEFINITELY annoying, and in general just.... :/ yknow. just :/
I think it's completely valid for people to just simply not like certain characters for whatever reason they might have, im not here to police people's opinions, but when people's opinions come at the expense of misunderstanding pretty key elements of the characters / story they're talking about, that's when I have a problem. FINAL MESSAGE I promise lmao sorry again for the 600 page essay
You're good lol. In fact, I've discussed some of this in-depth in private with a tumblr friend. Again, I feel like my DMs are being read 👀 anyway lol
So obviously this is going to be a long ass post so I'll add a cut toward the top. But I wanna start off with: there's a lot to unpack here and I'm going to preface with, I agree with you. But I also have to say that I see both sides, but when it comes to vehemently hating a character and letting that hate for that character lead to bad takes (which I see for Deku and another character that I'll get to under the cut) I feel like the overall point people are trying to make loses its grip because it starts to just turn into bashing, and doesn't actually hold water with what's actually in the story.
"I just do not understand people who are fans of the LOV and yet are so vehemently hateful towards Midoriya, and in turn most of the other kids. I understand the criticism that sometimes the kids get things handed to them by the story, but tbh that is just to be expected of the protagonist characters in a shonen manga like this one."
I'll be honest, I see a lot of people love on the UA kids. Especially ones like Kirishima, Kaminari, Mina, Tsuyu, basically any of the ones with personalities that are beyond "I have to get stronger! I have to catch up with my classmates and live up to everyone's expectations!" Which I personally feel like pretty much all of the UA kids have as personalities, save for the main five, and the few above that I listed. But for the hatred toward Midoriya....oy. Where do I begin.
Well, I actually don't see a lot of Deku hate on my dash. I follow a very small number of blogs, most of which are pretty in line with my POV of the story and therefore, I don't see a lot of bad takes.
A little baby rant inside of this monster post:
Yes, I have come across extremist villain-stan blogs that, while I agree with some of their opinions on the villains, I don't agree with their opinions on the hero characters. I've unfollowed blogs like that, because they started exhausting me and making me upset, tbqh. Like yes, the villains are the best characters in the story. But guess what? They aren't the only ones in the story. We have other characters that are important to the overall themes and messages. I, personally, really like the hero kid:villain set up. Others I've seen want the heroes and villains completely separated in the story and for the villains to save themselves without any help from the heroes?? Makes zero sense because the story is about these becoming true heroes, and in order to do that they need to challenge themselves by saving a villain. So...blogs that were spouting that nonsense, I've unfollowed and stopped engaging with.
But back to Midoriya. Okay, I genuinely, genuinely like Midoriya! I've liked him from the beginning. He's not favorite, he's not even my second favorite. He's in my top 5 though. But the only dislike I personally see toward Midoriya on my blog is for these problematic things that have occurred:
Telling Shouto he thinks he's going to forgive his father because he's kind, making Natsuo feel bad for not forgiving his abusive POS father.
Trying to "reach" Dabi the same way he reached Shouto, only to just cause more harm.
Saying Endeavor is a mentor who made him stronger??? TO Dabi??
Teaming up with the fucking top 3
So....basically...any time Midoriya has been interjected into the Todoroki plot line, he's been less than likable--AFTER what he did for Shouto during the sports festival. That was a positive thing, and it actually kicked off the Todoroki plot line really really well. It got us into Shouto's inner world and started his story off nicely I think.
And you can argue that Midoriya's flaw is being blinded by hero society and seeing the good in everybody, BUT--
This was LITERALLY THE FIRST INTERACTION between Midoriya and Endeavor. THIS set the tone for the Todoroki plot. So....all that stuff up there that people hate about Midoriya, is definitely valid. I mean...I don't think it's worth hating him for but people can like and dislike who they want. But this just reiterates my belief that so many things in BNHA come to a fucking halt for Endeavor's bitch ass. The main character included.
"it's not like Midoriya gets off free of everything that he does? his actions and his sacrifices and very actually very rarely ever truly appreciated within the story, just because he is successful in most of his feats doesn't mean that the people around him necessarily Notice (him only getting one internship request after the sports festival despite displaying amazing power and critical thinking skills, the Stain Hosu incident, even in the VERY BEGINNING of the series when he runs forward to save Bakugou he says himself that he was only reprimanded for being so careless in his actions)"
So, I don't entirely disagree but I do have to disagree to an extent. Midoriya's consequences have been a topic for a while now and everyone says the same thing. Nothing ever comes back to him, he doesn't ever actually fail at anything. His failures don't actually hold him back or push him to challenge his beliefs. Like...narrative consequences here is what I'm talking about. Midoriya only got one offer after the sports festival, yes that's a consequence of putting your body through ridiculous strain and self-destructing in front of everyone like that. But it ended up working in his favor because he went with Gran Torino who taught him his next big move, full cowling, which I think we can all agree was a major power-up for him. So...it wasn't much of a consequence in the long run. It wasn't a set back. And you're right, he was reprimanded for rushing in to save Bakugo in the beginning, which is coming into play now when we see that it's actually hard for people to step in and save others because everyone is so trained by society to just let heroes handle everything. Even though Bakugo would have died if not for Midoriya. BUT--what happened next? All Might gave him his power. That was a reward by the narrative. Granted that HAD to happen for our story to kick off, but I'm just trying to show how Midoriya doesn't ever actually have any set-backs.
"Midoriya is going to be the one to try to save Shigaraki, Midoriya has already become the greatest hero by actively looking past the actions of Shig and the League and wanting to help them."
"but...yeah I was saying about how Midoriya is already a better hero at 16 than most other pros because he actively wants to help the League. Midoriya is exactly the kind of hero that the villains, and Shigaraki in particular, needs in order to have the happy ending that so many want for him"
Fully agree here. I'll say that recently I've seen a lot of people making posts about how they don't think it'll be Midoriya doing the reaching and saving. How they think it'll be the LOV saving each other without the help of the heroes, how they'll reach each other's hearts?? Which...I don't even know what to say besides ask people who think that what they think the purpose of all these parallels and similarities drawn between him and Shigaraki are for, if not to bring them together in the end (and stay connected too--not just be yeeted from each other's lives), the two brothers who were separated from each other, and a teenage girl who was never accepted by her peers and basically forced to find family in a group of adult men lol. I'm not sure if you were responding to my rant yesterday with this ask lol, but if you are, I mean yeah I'm on board here. Midoriya is supposed to be that "true hero" that breaks through even the toughest, strongest walls, who in HIS case is Shigaraki. But not just him, Shouto, Ochacko, and Bakugo too. There's a kid:villain set up for a reason, so people who don't want that set up are either just....super super one-sided in how they're reading it, or it's just their preference and they're not actually caring about what the story itself is going to do. (Bakugo is kind of a seventh wheel....lol)
Again, I can't say I've seen too much irrational Deku hate on my dash. I avoid stupid shit for the most part. Most of the blogs I follow, while they may not like Midoriya, they still see the redeeming characteristics in him and still make valid takes on the story and take his actual character into account. But I have seen the irrational hate you're talking about, I've just successfully yeeted it from my dash.
Another character, and I know you didn't bring this character up but I feel this issue applies to them as well--is Hawks. Now...I do not like Hawks. I don't hate him, but I seriously just cannot bring myself to like him. I can't tell if it's his fans that have just ruined him for me, or just his overall vibe in the story. I don't even know at this point I've spent so long avoiding getting to know his character. But--I've seen villain-stan blogs hate him so much to a point where they completely forget that he is also a victim of society and has his own issues. And their takes on him come at the expense of....well, a clear understanding of the story. Now right now Hawks is being handled not-so-great, but even before this. Of course nobody has to like him, I mean I just said that I don't, but this irrational hate that comes at the expense of his actual character is annoying to me.
"I think it's completely valid for people to just simply not like certain characters for whatever reason they might have, im not here to police people's opinions, but when people's opinions come at the expense of misunderstanding pretty key elements of the characters / story they're talking about, that's when I have a problem"
Yep yep yep. I agree here too. So in a nutshell, no matter what character it is, if people irrationally hate them to a point where their takes on the story just stop making sense, yes I agree that it starts to wear away at the integrity of the character, and it also annoys me and I end up just unfollowing and I no longer take anything they say seriously. And there are a couple of blogs I follow that really don't like Midoriya at all, but they don't waste their time talking about how much they don't like him. They simply just...don't talk about him. That's what people should do because otherwise it fills EVERYONE'S dash with negativity that we didn't ask for. That's why I'm glad I've stopped getting so many asks about Hawks because I have never really had anything nice to say about him and after so many people sending me stuff asking to talk about him I started to feel like a shitty person for filling peoples' dashes up with that. I mean...I'm seriously mean to Hawks lol. I am. So yeah.
I don't particularly understand the extreme hatred either. I totally get not liking a character but that extreme hatred you're talking about I've made a successful effort to distance myself from. Thankfully.
#long post#bnha#bnha asks#anonymous#boku no hero academia#midoriya izuku#bnha lov#bnha league of villains#deku#todoroki shouto#uraraka ochako#long ass post#sorry lol#mha#my hero academia#todofam
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Hi Doc! I'm looking to buy a nice wine to celebrate with tonight and I've got about $100 set aside for it. Is that enough to buy a good wine with, or should I splurge a little more? I'm not necessarily looking for a high alcohol content, but I'm not afraid of that either; I'm looking for something that tastes lovely and goes well with fish. Do you have any recommendations?
Wine Anon: Ok so I consulted my co-celebrator and here are some answers!
I thought we were doing a fancy dinner but we're getting a bunch of sushi with some appetizers (edamame, maybe some oysters.) We aren't doing dessert with dinner tonight. We are eventually going to do a 3 course dinner with dessert, and we will be getting several bottles so I'll def have to come back to you for that!
I'm very new to wine, I know that I like rosé and some sweet whites? The last white that I got that I liked was a pear wine from Olive Garden (I know, I am the Haruka of my relationship.) It was actually the wine that convinced me to not give up on trying new wines! I think I'd only had a few up until then and they were dreadful. I think I don't like dry?
Wine comments from my so: dry, woody, not sweet, not leggy, anything he can taste the tannins in is a no-go so no reds? He favors white but he won't say no to a good rosé. His first wine love was a 5y Sauvignon Blanc he had at a some fancy rich dude's party when he was 17 so he can't recall the name haha. He mentioned New Zealand and Chilean wines were good.
If it comes down to it, I don't mind getting a good bottle heavily favoring his tastes (we're doing this for him) but if you can think of 2 bottles that we'd both separately like, I wouldn't mind that either.
Thank you so much for your help!
First of all, congrats to your mancandy for knowing the difference between tannic and dry. There's a huge misconception that dry means tannic, and they're totally different things. I assume it's because tannins have a sort of dryish feel in the mouth. Anyhow, I DO want to argue the fact that reds are exclusively tannic--there are plenty of low tannin reds--but that's another post, as red wouldn't really go with what you were eating unless we were really trying to make it stretch.
Secondly, all of this assumes that you have no interest whatsoever in sake. I LOVE sake, and it's my always go to for sushi, and my frequent go-to for light fish dishes in general. But it's not super accessible, and some (wrong) people flat do not like it.
Thirdly THANK YOU SO MUCH for just giving me a goddamn number!! My least favorite word on EARTH is "affordable." It's meaningless. Just tell me your number! I may not be able to HELP you, but I won't JUDGE you. For anything you need help finding. So bless you, and it was a MAJOR reason I decided to answer this. Whites tend to be cheaper (unless they are Champagne) for a wide variety of reasons, so I don’t think MUCH on this list will hit about 35-40.
A note: Unless something is WIDELY available commercially, I just recommend TYPES of wine. I would go into your local wine store and ask for these varietals, depending on which one you choose. They may even be able to help select one to go with fish!
So for him, I DO recommend a Sauvignon Blanc, or another high acid wine. The fish used in sushi is mostly fatty and rich, for fish, and these high acid wines give a real element of freshness and even slightly of salt.
You want to know one of my favorite SBs? It's actually something you can get at the goddamn COSTCO, Kim Crawford SB. I don't know if I would call it an OCCASION wine, depending on how we think of things, but it is special enough to be a Shabbat wine in my family, I think you can get it in most grocery stores, and it never disappoints.
If you want SB, but not though, I'd go with a Fume Blanc, which is one of my favorite wines no one seems to know. Fume Blanc is SB, honestly, but made in the US, and pretty much always highly oaky and dry. I love it, but I love that oak shit. Fume Blanc is hard to find nowadays, because of declining knowledge of the name, winemakers are just labeling stuff " Sauvignon Blanc" which, yeah, it's the same grape, but I like to know which SBs have seen some oak, you know? Anyway, I like the rich oakiness paired with salmon rolls especially!
If you want to go with something TOTALLY different that I think he'd like, I think that a Muscadet is going to have a lot of those same flavors while giving him something different. It's BONE DRY, and the acids from it are going to give a lot of those same pleasant associations as SB. A good Muscadet is probably the most expensive thing on this list.
My favorite budget sushi wine, period, is Ovum Big Salt. You are not looking for budget wine, but if you ever are like me and eating buy one get one half off rolls while reading a book, I love Big Salt. It's a Riesling-Gewurztraminer (Somehow I doubt I spelt that second one correctly) blend that legitimately has strong salt overtones. It's also great with coconut shrimp. (Come to think of it, dry Riesling would be a good pairing with this, too)
For you!
Sweeter wines are tougher to pair with sushi than his tastes, but that shouldn't say at all that it's impossible! If you like something labeled pear wine at the Olive Garden (ahahahaha I'm sorry but ahahaha) the wines you like are probably not just sweet in a WINE sense, but probably TRULY sweet.
So I'm going to push you a little bit! These are sweet in the wine category, or if you’re the sort of person who doesn’t eat a lot of sugar, but they aren’t like...fucking moscato or something. A bit more refined, a bit more elegant, and a good way to move into developing your palate, while not being OVERTLY challenging for a newbie.
My wife is at times (often) a Haruka Lite, just one calorie, and moving her to a better and wider palate, I’ve had a lot of luck with bubbles. I think because they are widely fun in their own right, and give another quality to what might otherwise be a too-straight-on glass of wine, so that’s the direction I went here.
Prosecco, specifically a demi-sec. Demi-sec is the sweetest variety of prosecco, and I confess I give this to you more to try and put you on the path of expanding your wine palate than as a specific pairing--like I said, sweets are hard--and you’ll almost certainly need to go to a wine shop to find a version that is both demi-sec and GOOD, which is doable but not easily accessible*.
Now if you want something I ACTUALLY think goes with sushi, I recommend Cremant. Cremant is champagne, made in France, not made IN Champagne. It’s the same shit. It offers a lot of the complexity and delight of Champagne without the cost (Champagne is ALSO a lovely choice! But I generally recommend that if you’re both drinking the same bottle.) I think it’s one of the greatest secrets of the wine world--it’s not like the French terroir outside of Champagne sucks. You will almost certainly have to get this in a wine shop, as it’s not well known by people casually (which is a goddamn shame) in America--the UK tends to have a wider range of them.
I L O V E Cremant. Love. A favorite bubbly. Maybe my favorite, actually? I mean I love Chapagne but like, I have a baby and a mortgage and a budget. And Champagne goes great with sushi! Cremant is, I find, a little less intense than Champagne, which I think will be really good for you as a “beginner” and also the price point tends to be SO APPROACHABLE. Anyway on this one I actually DO have a couple brand recs, because this a thing I drink A LOT, and I’m going to break my ruling about not reccing certain brands ahaha.
J. Laurens Cremant de Limoux --I think this bottle is like 20 bucks locally? It IS more Brut (dry) but I still think it’s really nice, with a citrusy quality that pairs really good with richer fish
Kuentz-Bas Cremant d'Alsace-- I fucking love this bottle. It’s 25, I think, bucks, at my local wine shop. It’s almost...creamy? I know that sounds insane but I can’t think of a better word. I love Alsatian wine in general though. This is a really nice, light wine that I think pairs with TONS of stuff, and would be good with a wide variety of sushi styles.
I had a really amazing Rosé Cremant years ago that had a quality of sweetness to it, but I bought it in a goddamn Tesco in London and so I DOUBT you can find it here. I have it written down in my travel journal though, I think.
ANYWAY I HOPE THIS HELPS SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG.
*This puts me in mind of the One Good Moscato I have ever had, at Alinea (in and of it itself one of the highlights of my life) where it was still too sweet for me personally, but I could recognize the complexity and mastery in the glass. I was shit shocked. Someone remind me to ask @keyofjetwolf what it was, I think she wrote it down, and as I recall it was not a spendy bottle, even.
#I need a tag for food stuff#I guess I'll just reblog this to the side blog#I love that this blog started off as a gay fic blog#and now has a huge food component#I just realized this says tonight and is no longer useful to you#SORRY MY BABY HAD SHOTS IT TOOK ME TWO DAYS TO FINISH THIS
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Do you think that Kokichi had any remorse for Gonta during trial 4 or did he actually not care? I've seen a lot of people saying different opinions from both sides of the argument. But I'm really confused because there was a moment where after Gonta was executed, correct me if I'm wrong but Shuichi asked Kokichi if he could reveal the secret of the outside world (?) But Kokichi replied with something like “I don't want to....” and seemed generally upset? But then a few moments later he snapped out if it and began acting like he had no sympathy whatsoever. I just really wanna know how Kokichi actually, truly felt about Gonta and if he regretted manipulating him. Sorry if you've already been asked this and have already given an answer, thank you!
Hi anon—I actually wrote a pretty big master-post on chapter 4 not too long ago which I think more or less sums up my thoughts on Ouma’s behavior in the post-trial! You can find it here if you want (it’s pretty long and I tried to answer a whole bunch of questions about Ouma in chapter 4 specifically, since it’s the chapter I get asked about the most).
More specifically though, I’m afraid that there is no easy, definitive answer to that question. I can only share my personal opinions about how I believe Ouma felt in that scene. And personally? I do think he was genuinely upset and distraught about Gonta’s death, that he even momentarily considered giving up all his plans and being executed alongside him, and that he cared about Gonta and deeply regretted using him as a sacrificial pawn in his plans.
I’ll discuss what I mean in more detail, but it’ll probably get pretty long, so I’ll put the rest of this post under a cut as always!
The thing is, though, I’ve shared my personal thoughts about the chapter 4 post trial many times, including my reasoning and all of the textual evidence that shows how much Ouma cared about the rest of his classmates. But ultimately, there will probably always be some people who disagree, because their reading of the text will always be a little bit different. Unless we ever have an interview from Kodaka in the future where he directly says, “this is what Ouma was thinking and feeling at this exact moment,” there really won’t ever be a way to know what was going through his head with 100% certainty (and I do feel like leaving it open-ended is something of Kodaka’s intention, anyway, especially since Ouma is supposed to be a very polarizing character).
That being said, I do think it’s worth analyzing the text and drawing your own conclusions, because ndrv3 is a game that changes a lot depending on how you interpret it, and Ouma’s character is included in that. It’s really easy on a first playthrough to get wrapped up in what Ouma says or does without really looking at why he says it, or at his underlying motivations. Going back through the game on a replay though, I do personally think it’s possible to guess at what he might have been feeling during those super conflicting scenes in chapter 4.
In my opinion, I think Ouma did truly care about Gonta as a friend, and that his guilt and remorse over what he did was genuine. Not only did Ouma and DICE have a very strict taboo against killing (mentioned directly in his motive video in Japanese, though the part about it being an actual rule was stripped from the localization), but we don’t see Ouma’s façade crack like this very often. Most of the time when he does his trademark “crocodile tears,” it’s with his very loud, exaggerated crying sprite, and he bounces right back to acting normally within a moment or two.
There are a few exceptions to this, of course—he uses the “crocodile tears” sprite to cry at Kaede, Amami, and Toujou’s deaths, but it’s still very likely he was shaken up by seeing them dead). Nonetheless, we don’t see his much more subdued crying sprites more than a handful of times, particularly in the chapter 4 post-trial just before Gonta’s execution, as well as in Momota’s flashback in chapter 5 when he talks about how Ouma actually hated the killing game the whole time.
I’m aware that some people simply brush these moments aside and assume that Ouma is lying though all of them, but I personally just can’t agree with that interpretation. Assuming that Ouma is lying whenever he shows remorse or guilt or hatred for the killing game means assuming that he’s telling the truth in pretty much every other scene—which doesn’t make much sense, given that his entire character is centered around the concept of lying, as well as moral ambiguity and subverting expectations. Assuming that Ouma actually means what he’s saying 100% of the time unless it just happens to involve showing any kind of guilt or remorse turns him into a very boring, predictable, uninspired character (none of which are words I would use to describe him personally).
Ignoring those moments where Ouma shows genuine attachment to his classmates and distaste for the killing game also means ignoring several key pieces of evidence and clues about him that we are directly provided in the game, including his motive video and Momota’s flashback in chapter 5. Personally, I don’t feel like there’s any reason to include these scenes at all unless it’s to help shed light on Ouma’s motivations and provide players with a clear reason to try and go back through the game again to look at Ouma’s actions through a new perspective.
I also feel that Ouma genuinely cared about Gonta because to put it simply, there was no incentive for him to lie in that scene. He got absolutely nothing out of it—and considering he turns around and starts playing the villain on purpose all of 5 minutes after Gonta’s death, he definitely wasn’t trying to earn sympathy points or trick the rest of his classmates into trusting him. In fact, he could’ve easily tried to make himself look more sympathetic by putting all of the blame on Miu for trying to kill him, or even on Gonta. But instead he fully admits to coming up with the plan to kill Miu and spends the entire post-trial trying to convince everyone not to hate or blame Gonta.
If he was truly as sadistic and horrible as he pretended to be, I think he would’ve pulled a 180 and started throwing names and insults around while Gonta was still alive to hear it, not after he was already dead. If he didn’t care at all about Gonta’s feelings, he had no reason to try and take all the blame on himself while insisting that none of what happened was actually Gonta’s fault. If anything, revealing himself to be this horrible, evil villain who enjoys seeing other people suffer or die would’ve really been adding insult to injury, and probably would’ve crushed Gonta completely, even before his execution started.
But… Ouma doesn’t do any of this. Despite having every opportunity to either portray himself as more of a victim and fling all the blame on Miu and Gonta, or else to completely embrace being a villain who loved seeing people suffer, he doesn’t do either of these things. The way I personally see it, Ouma waits until Gonta is already dead, and when the rest of his classmates begin pushing him for answers about the outside world and demanding to know what Gonta saw, that’s when he finally snaps and resigns himself to acting like a villain in order to make everyone hated.
You could argue that trying to make everyone hate him had a twofold effect: it helped set the stage for him to pretend to be the ringleader in the next chapter, which he clearly wanted, but it also was a way of taking things out on himself and shows just a small glimpse of how much he hated having to dirty his hands in chapter 4. After all, Ouma even says it himself: that the “role of a villain is perfect for him,” because he’s already made everyone hate him. We see Ouma occasionally tease or antagonize the rest of his classmates plenty of times throughout the game, but it’s true that he doesn’t really step into that “villain” role until the end of chapter 4, once he’s crossed a line that he can never come back from by manipulating both Miu and Gonta to their deaths.
None of this is to say that what Ouma did to Gonta is okay, by any means. I think he definitely did care about Gonta and even thought of him as one of the few trustworthy people in the killing game, even someone close to a friend, but that doesn’t mean that manipulating him and using him like a chess piece was okay in the end. I just also think it’s important to realize that there were plenty of extenuating circumstances that led Ouma to act the way he did—including the fact tha he knew Miu was going to kill him, that he already suspected she had measures to prevent him from fighting back or killing her himself in the VR world, and the fact that he did not want to die or get everyone else killed in the trial.
It’s possible for people to care about others without necessarily treating them the best or doing the right thing. A huge part of Danganronpa, something that’s been evident from the very first game, is that sometimes characters can and do hurt each other, even when they care about each other or wouldn’t be a threat otherwise.
It’s the existence of the killing game itself that causes so many characters to go to extremes that they normally wouldn’t, whether it’s Maizono trying to frame Naegi in dr1 despite caring about him a lot, Kaede deciding to try and commit murder under everyone’s noses despite trying to unite the group and wanting everyone to trust her, or Ouma using Gonta as a pawn to kill Miu in his place because he didn’t want to die.
At the end of the day, people are still probably going to have very polarizing opinions about Ouma and the things he did in chapter 4, and that’s honestly okay. In my own opinion, Ouma definitely isn’t a completely flawless, innocent baby who “did nothing wrong”—he absolutely is manipulative, cold, and calculating when he wants to be, and it’s a fact that he got two people killed, even if he didn’t want things to reach that point. But I also personally don’t think it’s fair to write him off as the exact kind of “evil villain” he pretends to be; not only is it a shortsighted interpretation of his larger motivations, but it also completely ignores any replay value and completely shoots down the appeal of trying to interpret Ouma’s thoughts and actions because “he was lying about feeling bad anyway, what’s the point in analyzing him.”
Tl;dr: I do think Ouma cares about Gonta, that he probably even thought of him as the closest thing he had to a friend in the killing game, and that what he did to Gonta in the end wasn’t okay. I think he really did respect Gonta for being such a sweet and kind person, but that he also knew Gonta was extremely naïve and that he would be one of the easiest people in their group to manipulate, hence why he decided to rely on him instead of anyone else. Their friendship is an important part of both of their character arcs, but it’s definitely not what I would call “on equal footing.”
I understand why Ouma’s actions might make some people really resent him, but I also believe that kneejerk reaction of anger and dismissal is exactly the point: Ouma does feel terrible about the things he did, but he doesn’t want anyone’s sympathy or forgiveness, not even the player’s. This, in my opinion, is why he starts embracing the villain role so completely from this point on, and why he’s never quite able to make the same sort of cold, calculating sacrifices in chapter 5 that he did in chapter 4.
I hope this helps answer your question, anon, along with the other chapter 4 post I wrote! Thank you for all your support!
#danganronpa#ndrv3#new danganronpa v3#kokichi ouma#ouma kokichi#my meta#ask#anonymous#ndrv3 spoiles //#okay to reblog
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Reworking the Fuzzy Gaming Quest
This is the first time I've ever blogged publicly about something like this. I usually talk to friends about it, but I just as often don't say anything, because when I talk about video-games I get hyperfocused and sometimes the conversation takes a long time, so I often feel like it's a bit rude to get people wrapped up in it. But I remembered I have a tumblr now and people actually blog on here sometimes, so: prepare to suffer.
To set up why I'm so weird about games allow me to explain: first of all, I'm obviously not neurotypical in some way I don't know but one day would like to figure out. SECOND, I've been playing video-games literally since I can remember. My first real memories of cognition are watching my dad put cartridges in the NES, and climbing on the bed to put our Thai bootleg cart in there myself so I could play weird sprite hacks of Super Mario Bros. So anyway, gaming has factored heavily in my life since the beginning.
Anyway long story short, this has led to, for a long time, me wanting to leave some kind of legacy behind me in the form of a trail of beaten-up old video-games. Often this takes the form of just wanting to curate out a collection (physical or unholy--I mean digital) that I can leave behind in some state of completion, but on top of that it comes as me wanting to sit down and truly spend time with the games that are most important to my history over the course of my lifetime.
This has led to me making innumerable 'systems' for approaching the task of having a humongous backlog of video-games (some might say longer than is completable than anyone in a life time, and I recognize this) and often these systems get replaced or revised for being inadequate in some way. The latest no-thought system on my part was the Fuzzy Gaming Quest, in which the goal was basically to play through games starting from the beginning of time and blasting through at hyper-speed, with the intention of covering as much ground in order to induce familiarity as fast as possible with arcade games from an era I've rarely played (but longed for in my old man's soul).
This was working but I quickly ran into a snag (after recording about 250 videos 😥): I wasn't spending as much time with individual games as I'd like by any means. On one hand, I was backlogging games I was enjoying just to get them out of the way and continue the progress. On the other, sometimes I wasn't sure how much time you'd even spend with a game to consider yourself familiarized enough to rank it in some way, without necessarily having to beat everything (who has the time?). Not to mention arcade games that have no viable ending for the regular player (Pac-Man, Galaga, etc).
So anyway all this is leading up to me explaining the next iteration of the Fuzzy Gaming Quest. Here's a picture!
What you're looking at is essentially a 7 day scoreboard for various games that I selected out as important during my previous pass through the 70s and most of the 80s. These are all games I wanted to play more of or possibly log in a list.
7 days is my naive answer to how long I think would be good to spend on a game, in order to get competent enough at it to get a decent score and/or feel you've experienced your average game enough to go ahead and put it somewhere in a list. It might seem like overkill for a simple arcade game (though I'd argue you need to play repeatedly and give your brain time to absorb it to get the true experience), and it may seem like underkill for an RPG (though I'd argue that most RPGs probably aren't changing much more if you've been playing for 7 days already, but this doesn't forbid from continuing to play if I choose to), but this is my naive and probably flawed answer, anyway.
This is meant to serve the purpose of: - Progressing reasonably fast (notice this is a list of basically banger games everyone has heard of, I will probably only include a few games here or there that are lesser known that I just happen to like--I'll also be avoiding some consoles intentionally that I don't particularly like (like the Odyssey 2, sorry, it's my list though--convince me otherwise if you like)) - Filtering into some kind of "best of" list (if I don't even want to play it for 7 days (in brief sessions), it must not be very good after all and doesn't deserve to be on any best of list I would leave behind me--games that I do get through the 7 days I should understand enough to rank competently enough to make myself happy) - Giving me an excuse to spend more time on the games that really matter to me, today, in case I get hit by a bus tomorrow - Giving me a target for when I'm able to comfortably say I've experienced a game enough and don't need to feel bad about moving on if I want to but still haven't "beat it," and also leaving room for playing more if I like (I can sort it, take it off the board, but finish it anyway on the DL) (Also, if I do beat it, I can stop there with the board) - Satisfying whatever kind of ADHD thing I have going on by allowing me to keep a variety of games on rotation for some amount of time and not just getting stuck behind one game at a time - Breaking game experiences down over multiple days to allow a longer time to think about them and grow accustomed to them, also to allow me to fit them into my busy schedule by playing Space Invaders on the toilet for ~10 minutes - To leave behind a journal of high scores or information about how far I got in various games as I plod on
So, you may (rightly) ask: What's the point of all this? Why can't I just play games that I like and call it a day?
Well my first answer would be, "shut up I know you're right I just can't, my brain is broken," but my second answer, the one I would say aloud, might be that I really have always wanted to take a targeted approach to going through all of game history and that's what this is in service of.
I have no false expectations about getting all the way through game history up to now in one lifetime, at least not without sacrificing a lot of games in the process. I definitely won't ever get to the point where I'm always keeping up with contemporary games. It's lucky for me that I mostly fell out of favor with games around 2011 for various reasons, but really it had been a steady decline of interest since about 2005 or so. I have a shorter-hand target, but if I were to ever reach it, I'd like to keep going on, even if it means playing PS4 games in 2061 when I'm almost as old as my dad is now.
Anyway, your second question (and wow, if you made it this far) might be: "so what does this mean for your tumblr, which I care about intimately after seeing 20 posts, and was gutted when you temporarily took a break, and have been looking for meaning in my life ever since?"
Well, true believer, if you want I might post my 7 day high-score for various arcade games or something along with some pictures or videos of high points of the game (when I get to games complicated enough to have cool art). I haven't decided yet. I'm open to suggestions! I'd love to see people try to (and succeed!) at beating my scores (I'd feel like I influenced someone into maybe playing some old, great game they wouldn't have before deciding to just then).
If nothing else I hope it was interesting to see my thought process about this stuff.
If that's not true, I hope you were entertained by a write up of someone's journey ever deeper into video-game delirium.
And yes, I will get frustrated with the system and change it again in approximately a month.
#long post#fuzzy-gaming-quest#spreadsheet#video games#retro games#rambles#crazy guy talks about video games
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Gateway Drug | Part Sixty-Five
A/N: If you didn't see my post yesterday, I decide to break this chapter into 2 chapters. The preview for this chapter is included in the next chapter.
Words: 3.7k
Warning(s): Explicit language, mentions of drug abuse
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I blink my eyes open to see Izzy standing over me, my brows furrowing at the sight of him, confusion filing into my mind.
“Izzy.” I croak out, closing my eyes again for a moment.
“Viv.” He replies.
"What're you doing here?" I groan, tiredly.
"A girl I hooked up with last night lives in this neighborhood." He tells me. "Karen let me in."
“Of course she did.” I mumble, sitting up with another groan, and he sits on the floor next to me, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket, lighting it.
“So, like, what happened?” He asks me, looking around at the shithole mess I made last night and I lick my cracked lips, feeling the tightness of dried, mascara coated tears that have glued to my face, and let out an exhausted breath.
“You ever walk into your house and wonder ‘exactly how many surfaces did my husband and his mistress possibly have sex on’?”
“Nope.” He replies, blowing out smoke, and I glance at him.
“Well, that’s what happened.” I reply, sighing. “I thought I was doing good, Izzy. I really thought we were getting better. And we weren’t. It was all bullshit.”
“Trust me, Viv, I’ve fucking been there.” He mumbles.
“I gave her a key to my house.” I repeat what I told him earlier and he looks at me for a moment, looking as if he doesn’t quite know what to say. “I might as well have just handed him over to her and said, ‘he’s yours, have at it’.” I add, letting out a chuckle, although it’s not funny. “I’m not like her. I act nothing like her. I haven’t accomplished as much as she has. I’m not established like she is. I look nothing like her--”
“--She’s a ten but the drugs make her a five. And her being batshit crazy knocks her down to a solid two...on a good day. You’re a ten. Your niceness adds two points, your patience adds two more points, and your crazy is hot, which adds five more points. So technically you’re a seventeen. Don’t compare yourself to a fucking crack addict when there’s barely anything left of her to compare to.” He orders sternly, and I push a strand of hair behind my ear. “And the only thing she can say she’s got on you, is screwing your husband, and she brags about it because strung out Nikki Sixx is obviously a prize.” He sarcastically states and I smile a little. “He didn’t cheat because you weren’t enough, Viv. He cheated because he’s fucking stupid and the drugs just add to it. I assure you, if you were ugly or something, none of us would wanna fuck you. But we do.”
“Gee, thanks, Izzy.” I flatly say, furrowing my brows slightly, and he nudges me with his elbow.
“You’re a seventeen.” He reassures me, smiling.
“See, this is what I would’ve appreciated hearing the other night.” I inform him.
“I was an ass the other night.” He admits. “I’m sorry for yelling at you...and there’s nothing wrong with you not picking up on our hints that something was wrong. You just see the best in people sometimes when they’re fucking shitty, is all.”
“Trust me I’ve learned my lesson.” I scoff.
“No, don’t let this bullshit ruin a good thing. You can still see the good in people and try to be positive about them, just use a little discernment from now on.” He shrugs and I wipe my eyes as he takes another drag of his cigarette.
“Did we just have a moment, Izzy?” I ask, and he furrows his brows and looks at me.
“No.”
“I think we did.”
“No, we didn’t.”
“I think we did. I think we just got a little closer in our friendship.”
“Nope, I don’t think so.”
“We did.”
“We didn’t.”
“I love you and I’m glad we’re friends.”
He just looks at me, trying not to smile, before getting a serious look on his face.
“It’ll be okay, Viv.” He assures me, genuinely, and I nod.
“I know it will be, I’m just kinda scared to go through the hell I’m gonna need to go through in order to get to the ‘it’s okay now’ part.”
“I know you are.” He tells me, exhaling more smoke. “I know you are.”
That’s the thing about Izzy: a raging jackass when he wants to be, and quiet for the most part, but when he gets serious about something, it’s genuine and hard to ever forget.
Once Izzy decides to go home, I’m staring at the letter from Playboy, eyeing the number left at the bottom of the page for their project manager.
“Just call and see what they say.” I tell myself, taking a deep breath, my palms starting to sweat.
I dial the number and it rings a few times before someone picks up.
“Playboy Enterprises, this is Erika.”
I convince myself to calm down and ease the nerves bunching in my stomach before I reply.
“Y-Yes, this is Vivian Sixx. I got a letter from you guys?”
“Yes, they’ve been hoping you would call. Give me a moment and I’ll transfer your call to our PM.” She tells me.
“Okay, thank you.”
I wait for a moment as the line cuts out, before it cuts back in again.
“Mrs. Sixx?” Another woman’s voice greets me.
“Yes?”
“This is Danielle Wyther, I’m the one that sent you the letter.” She explains.
“Oh.”
“I take it you’ve made your decision.” She says next and I let out a little sigh, hesitantly giving an answer.
“I’m not comfortable doing full nudity--I mean, I don’t have an issue being nude but, like, I want the important parts covered.” I’m saying before I can stop myself, and I furrow my brows and mouth “what the fuck” to myself for being so blunt.
“...We didn’t expect anything different from you, Vivian, no worries.” She tells me and I let out a relieved breath. “We’ve already prepared for more tasteful photos.”
She goes on to tell me when I need to meet with her to sign my contract of payment and a temporary NDA ensuring I won’t let it out to the public I’m posing until they decide to announce it themselves, and then we go over when I need to come to Chicago to shoot.
Once a date is set to meet, and for the photoshoot itself, we hang up and I turn around to see Karen holding a cup of coffee, wearing her bedroom shoes due to the glass on the floor that I need to clean up.
“You didn’t hear that.” I tell her.
“I have no clue what you’re talking about.” She replies, obviously knowing what I’m talking about, but clearly not in a hurry to tell Nikki about it.
She just raises her brows and takes a sip of her coffee, minding her own business.
After breakfast, I try to clean up the best I can, not even necessarily wanting to go to my room to grab a change of clothes and shower once I'm done, but I do.
I'll just leave our room a shitshow for him since we're coming back for a five day break in like a week anyway.
I shower and change clothes, grabbing my car keys.
"Where are you going?" Karen asks me.
"To see Sharise and Sky, and then I’m going out with the guys before I get home.” I tell her.
“Alright, be careful.”
“I will.”
I knew Karen wouldn’t say a thing to Nikki about Playboy, and she honestly never said a thing to me about it...but I could tell she didn’t necessarily agree with my decision, because nobody really agreed with it, they tolerated it.
In all honesty they all thought I had lost my mind, finally, because I was Vivian. Goody-goody, Christianly, worst-thing-ever-done-was-marry-someone-my-mother-didn’t-approve-of, Saint Vivian.
“Yes, I’m sure about it, Sharise.” I tell her, Skylar sticking a unicorn sticker to my face, making me smile at her as Sharise raises her brows at me.
“But you’ll be n-a-k-e-d.” She spells out so Skylar won’t catch on. “A-s-s and b-o-o-b-s out. For everyone to see.”
“Not really, everything’s gonna be covered.”
“Barely.”
“But still covered, nonetheless.” I argue.
“Do you want me to go with you?” She asks next.
“I wanna go!” Skylar says, looking at her mom, not even knowing where exactly we’re going, but wanting to tag along.
“No, I’ll probably have Duff or Steven go with me.” She tell her and she raises her brows.
“Oh...Duff...okay…”
“What?” I ask, furrowing my brows a little and she holds back a tight-lipped smile, shaking her head and shrugging.
“Nothing, Viv. Nothing at all. It’s just...you know…”
“...What exactly do I know?” I question.
“You know what you know.” She says back, matter-of-fact, and I think a moment before scoffing out.
“Oh, puh-lease, Sharise.” I hold back a bark of laughter.
“You know where I’m getting that idea, too.” She states and I shake my head.
“You are crazy.”
“Am I? You’ve just recently been hurt, you’re vulnerable, you’re confused, he’s available and attractive, and a complete gentleman--”
“--Which is exactly why nothing is happening because he’s not going to take advantage of me right now.” I tell her.
“Right now?” She widens her eyes and I sigh. “Ah, so you admit something’s cooking, it’s just not being served at the table at the moment.”
“It’s being poured down the drain because he’s got his own thing and I’ve got mine and neither of us are like that with each other.”
“He broke up with his ‘thing’ earlier this year and yours was just caught with a crack pipe in one hand, a needle in the other, and another woman’s mouth on his d-i-c-k, which sounds like a justified divorce to me.” She says to me, picking Sky up, and I let out a breath...because she’s right.
“Look, just think before you jump into the deep end. Just because there’s room for you to land, doesn’t mean there aren’t sharks waiting for you to dive in.” She warns me and I just nod slowly, rubbing my lips together.
I stay at Sharise’s for a couple more hours, before I’m meeting Duff at the Whisky because they’re playing a show tonight.
“Thank you.” I say as a girl in the crowded room moves for me to squeeze by her to get backstage with the guys once the show is over.
I crack open the door, seeing Axl in his assless chaps, his hair going all kinds of directions in it’s teased glory, and he smiles widely at me.
“Hey, Viv.” He greets me, and I step in to see everybody else in the room: Slash, Izzy, Stevie, Duff, and...no, no, that’s impossible.
I furrow my brows, my heart stopping in my chest.
“D-Dad?” I ask.
He’s just as shell shocked as I am, until his face is lighting up, tears coming to his eyes, as he nervously steps to me.
“What’re you doing here?” I ask next, realizing I’m about to cry.
I haven’t seen him in four years. We’ve written to each other every once in a while just to check up, but I haven’t seen him or heard his voice in four years.
“I’ve been coming down this part of town the past few nights when I heard you were back home.” He explains to me.
“Why?”
He doesn’t have to answer this, I know why. He heard his daughter’s husband possibly cheated on with her, and the mistress announced it on national television.
“Well, I couldn't really comfort you through a stupid letter.” He says and a tear rolls down my cheek.
“Aww, Dad." My voice cracks and he gives me a big hug.
"And I'll fly to wherever he is and give him a piece of my mind, just say 'when' and I'll give him a real reason to go crawling to another woman." He states and I laugh, pulling away to wipe my eyes, getting a good, up close look at my dad.
His hair is already starting to grey, despite only being forty-one, and his brown eyes haven't lost any of their spark that's been in them even since I could remember.
He wipes my tears, giving me a reassuring smile.
"I'm okay, Dad." I tell him, sniffling, looking around at the guys before looking back up at him. "How do you even know them?"
Apparently, several months prior, my dad happened to be in the same convenience store as Steven, who he saw was trying to smuggle a bag of Cheetos up his shirt because he couldn’t afford to buy them so my dad gave him a few hundred bucks and when he told Steven his name Stevie remembered my maiden name was “Kinston” and asked my dad if he knew me. It went from there and resulted in my dad checking in on them from time to time, but none of them ever told me because they weren’t ever really sure how I felt about my dad.
After the guys get changed, we’re heading to get some food at the Rainbow with my dad tagging along.
“After she watched the Wizard of Oz with her aunt, she’d pretend she was the Good Witch of the South and used to get out of her little bubble baths and run through the house, calling herself the ‘Bubble Fairy’, with her mom chasing after her.” My dad tells the guys and I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing he wouldn’t have told the story of the notorious “Bubble Fairy.”
“Dad, they didn’t need to know that.” I say to him, seeing Duff and Slash trying to hide their laughter.
“Oh, it’s not that bad, Viv, you were a toddler.” My dad insists. “It was precious.”
“Yeah, maybe you should recreate it and let us see if it’s just as precious.” Izzy says to aggravate me.
“Hey, watch it.” My dad scolds him and I smile smugly at Izzy.
“Yeah, watch it." I echo and Izzy narrows his eyes at me.
"Whatever you say, Bubble Fairy." He says to me and I'm kicking at him under the table, before I'm looking at my dad again, taking a sip of Pepsi.
"Change of subject, why didn't you just come by the house?" I ask my dad.
"I didn't know if you would've wanted me to, if you were still trying to handle everything." He adds. "I was going to when I heard you had a health scare, but I didn't want to overstep any boundaries."
"Dad, I wouldn't have minded." I assure him, shaking my head a little.
"Well, how much longer are you going to be in town?" He asks.
"Um, I'm flying out tomorrow for about a week, but we're supposed to be coming back home for a break." I explain.
"'We're'? He's coming back home with you…is he staying with you?" He questions and I blink a couple times.
"Well, y-yeah, we're still married, dad, so we're gonna be staying in the same house." I explain. "Especially since his manager thinks it's best if we play it off to the public and the media that the situation was a misunderstanding."
"How the hell does one 'misunderstand' being engaged to a married man?" He asks, and the guys raise their brows.
"Well--"
"--I'd rip his manager a new one and tell him to use it to let out all the extra shit he's full of."
My eyes widen, and I'm shocked, because I've never heard my dad this angry.
"Dad, it's okay. After the tour if we want to file for divorce, we will."
"When is the tour over?"
"Next spring."
"Vivian, do you have any idea how long divorce takes to be finalized?" He asks and I rub my lips together. "If you genuinely want to get divorced, I suggest filing now so you can almost be done with it by the time the tour ends."
"We've tried. She won't listen." Axl states, lighting a cigarette and I glare at him.
"I'm weighing my options, dad." I say.
"And what's he doing?" He asks next.
"Shooting heroin and screwing groupies." Axl interjects again.
"Axl." I snap.
"Dude, c'mon." Duff lightly says, not amused with his suggestion.
"What?" Axl looks at us. "Coming from a dude, infidelity is like cockroaches. For every one you know about, there's a hundred more you don't know about."
"Dude!" Stevie scolds him, looking at him like he's lost his mind.
"So we're just gonna pretend there's no chance that Vanity isn't the first chick Nikki's been with in the six years they've been together?" Axl keeps going.
"I'm going to the bathroom." I mumble, getting out of the booth, trying not to think about the possibility of Nikki cheating with multiple other girls, but knowing it isn't too far-fetched to consider it.
After a couple minutes of wiping tears in the bathroom stall, I hear the door open, and wait to hear the clicking of heels on the tile floor, but instead hear heavy footsteps.
“Viv?” Duff asks and I let out a relieved sigh, sniffling.
“I’m fine.” I say to him, despite it not sounding convincing in the slightest.
“No, you’re not.” He tells me and I roll my eyes, opening the stall, looking up at him.
“I am.”
“There’s no fucking cameras around, you know that right?” He raises his brows and I exhale softly, throwing my wet, snotty tissue in the garbage can, stepping to the mirror to fix my face the best I can.
“I’ve thought of the possibility of him having others.” I admit, wiping the running mascara from my face as he leans against the stall’s fixture and looks at me in the mirror. “I’ve thought about it, and it’s one of my worst fucking fears is hearing this whole time there’s been girls left and right that’s he’s managed to sneak past me. I don’t like it, but I have thought about it. I’m not oblivious to that possibility.”
“I know you aren’t.” He nods.
“But he’s all I’ve known.” I tell him, taking a deep breath. “He’s all I’ve known and he’s all I’ve got and if I look for any more trouble, I’m gonna find it, and I’d rather not repeat this cycle of feeling like the biggest fucking idiot, so if we can just skip the conversation altogether I’d be really appreciative of it.” I state, turning to face him.
“Got it.” He promises. “And Axl doesn’t mean anything by it, Viv, alright? He just misses the mark when it comes to communication.” He shrugs.
“I suppose.” I sigh out. “I’m sorry, you’re probably tired of me crying.”
“I wish you wouldn’t cry because I don’t like to see it, but I think you have every reason to, right now. I’m just happy you’re not completely losing your shit like I expected you to.” He explains and I raise my brows.
“Define ‘losing your shit’.”
He looks at me with raised brows.
“What did you do?” He asks me, amused.
“It’s not really what I’ve done...more so what I’m going to do.”
“What’re you going to do?”
“...Playboy sent me a letter, offering $40,000 for a cover shoot and interview, and some pictures to go along with it.” I watch as his eyes widen, and he gets an uneasy look on his face.
“Viv, you aren’t, like, the Playboy type, though.” He points out, worriedly.
“Well, no, I’m not, and I know that and they know that, so when I called just decided to do ‘tasteful’ nude shots.”
“‘Tasteful’ by Vivian standards, or ‘tasteful’ by pornographic magazine standards?”
“Vivian standards. Naked, but none of the good stuff is showing.” I state.
“Oh, okay.” He laughs out, nervously. “Are you...sure about it?”
“Well, at first I did it for the money because if Nikki leaves me, I’m not gonna have a penny to my name--”
“--Vivian, if you need money and somewhere to stay if things go to shit, you can just ask me or one of the guys.” He offers, looking like the thought of me posing nude just for money, doesn’t sit right with him because he knows I wouldn’t do it unless I felt I had no other choice.
“You didn’t let me finish.” I tell him, smiling. “But then they said it’d be tasteful and I wouldn’t have to show everything, and now it sounds kinda fun.”
“And what does Nikki think of it?” He asks me an important question and I go to speak, but stop myself, exhaling.
“What Nikki doesn’t know, won’t hurt him.” Is all I can come up with.
“Uh, I think Nikki will know when he sees his wife on the cover of Playboy.” He argues.
“It’s not like I’m gonna be posed on the front with my tits and pussy out, spread eagle for the world to ogle at my anatomy.” I counter and he squeezes his eyes closed, shaking his head a little.
“I didn’t need to picture you like that, Viv.” He says and I feel my cheeks heat up in embarrassment.
“Oops, sorry.” I say, rubbing my lips together. “Hey, there is something I need to ask you, though.”
“Yeah?” He replies, looking at me.
“Tomorrow I’m going to their office here in town to sign the paperwork and stuff, and then I’m going to Chicago for the photoshoot, because conveniently enough, Motley Crue will be in Chicago for a few days, and I was wondering if you’d want to come with me.”
He laughs like it’s absurd.
“You are crazy.” He says, in disbelief. “You are crazy.”
“Duff--”
“--If he finds out I was there with you, Viv, I just--you are crazy.”
“So, you’re not gonna go with me?” I ask him, scared he’s going to say “no” to avoid pissing Nikki off.
But he completely surprises me when he says:
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
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CHjakldfjskANA I am lowkey embarrassed to say that I am confused by pt 2 of Ignis Fatuus ;-; I get what happens literally, but I'm pretty sure I'm missing out on all of the more underlying messages and what the ending is supposed to represent and what you were intending to convey ;-; I guess I'll just talk about parts that I thiNk I understood and hopefully won't make me sound like an idiot :D I really liked how the endings to both the dream and reality were paralleled,
but houf I was kind of exasperated in the beginning when everyone was dying on the hypothetical trip to the hospital. I always kind of felt like they would just let Y/N die, because logically speaking, even if they ended up at the hospital, none of them are really qualified to treat TSS so they would just be going on a suicide mission because as shown, zombies are e v e r y wh e r e :D So when it was revealed that was only a dream, I was like yAY thank goodness :,,) The part at the end before
Y/N dies when Jungkook corrects her saying “it’s did well and not did good” was a reaLLY nice way to end things though :,) jklsfjkls I don’t know, Chana pls send help+explanations because I’m definitely only understanding the very surface level ideas of Ignis Fatuus D: I think the very vEry ending though is a big part of the whole Ignis Fatuus thing though because back in pt 1 in Target Jungkook was like omg yes don’t worry Y/N things will be over and we’ll definitely be able to play baseball
again without any zombies around, but aaa Chana why are there thRee “endings”,, that’s making me think there’s something very elaborate about how all of the endings could be tied together/are related :,D 🌻 anyways I think? the first part to my ask might've not gone through because it didn't have the "thank you, your ask has been received" message when I clicked ask but o well :,) it was just me lowkey embarrassing myself because I am confused on the ending of Ignis Fatuus :,)
[SPOILER WARNING!]
GOOD NEWS! the first part of your ask WAS received!! and omg yes i totally understand ignis fatuus pt 2 was kinda hectic so lemme just clear up the confusion ✨
i think the whole ignis fatuus stORY is a bit hard to digest. the only ‘realistic’ element in the story is really that the members self-quarantined LOL. other than that, i really took inspiration from the office (though it may not seem like that). jungkook and yn are the only “normal” ones in the group of eight just like jim and pam were the only normal ones in an office full of crackheads LMAO. i just thought it would be cool to tell the story of two normal pple stuck with six other crazies (all equally obsessed with something different. i mean namjoon studying DURING the apocalypse?? seokjin obsessed with the kitchen? hoseok obsessed with his secretary??) and i chose to go for a very subtle romance so it wouldn’t overshadow the other dynamic characters
to elaborate on the endings!
the first one (the one that yn dreams): only in her wildest dreams would the seven men yn’s learned to love and live with DIE to save her. i mean, in a sick, twisted way, isn’t that what so many romance movies depict? the knight sacrifices his life to save his princess. it’s shit that only happens in your head. it’s tragic and stupid, yes, but also honorable in it’s own way. maybe yn subconsciously wanted all seven men to help save her life (even though it wouldn’t logically make sense). but maybe she wanted a knight in shining armor. i mean, isn’t that what media brainwashes women to think? yn’s dream is her subconscious acting up. she’s a helpless woman (sick from a mf bacterial infection that women mostly get) and she must depend on men to save her. but the end of her dream concludes that it’s not a matter of who saves who. some people just can’t be saved. yn doesn’t have a knight in shining armor. even before she got sick, she is a strong, independent woman. jungkook offers her emotional support, but he never outwardly saves her from any disasters. in fact, in part 1, yn is the on who saves jk. maybe, in yn’s subconscious, she wants to be saved. who doesn’t? it’s not a female v. male thing. being saved just means doing less work (and who doesn’t want that?). the savior, on the other hand, must go through the trauma and carry the responsibility of another’s life. maybe that’s why yn had her dream! another, more obvious reason yn’s dream turned out that way may be because that’s her worst fear—watching everyone she cared about die in front of her eyes (but also being too helpless to be able to stop it). she’s also afraid of dying alone, which she did in her dream. you’re absolutely right though! the second part of ignis fatuus is supposed to make you feel exasperated—frustrated and pissed, even. it’s just supposed to be nonsense, honestly. just stupid shit happening in rapid succession. it’s literally a fever dream. and also a dream carefully crafted by yn’s subconscious
a lot of the ‘deeper’ meaning is very subjective, though! and even as the writer, my analysis is still subjective. you can honestly analyze ignis fatuus in so many other ways. no analysis is wrong. and it’s also perfectly fine to have no analysis at all!
the second ending (with yn actually dying) is easier to explain. it’s a direct contrast from yn’s dream where everyone was trying to be the hero. reality is different. even at the end of part 1, joon and jk knew that they wouldn’t be able to take yn to the hospital. yoongi even knew yn would die. they wouldn’t even think of such an outrageous idea to go to the hospital at all. they may have hinted taking yn to the hospital only to make her feel better, to make her feel safe. but they would’ve never actually done it. the plan was always to let her die in the house (as sad as it sounds). but there was really nothing left to do! as you said, none of them (even joon and tae) is qualified to treat tss (nor do they have the medical equipment to do so). the second ending is more of the closure that the first ending didn’t provide. yn wished to die in jk’s arms in the first ending and she got what she wanted in the second ending. but i still didn’t exactly think ending the story with yn’s death (tWICE) would be the best. something didn’t feel right. so i felt like i had to add the third ending for better closure
and you’re totally right! i connected the third ending to what jk and yn had talked about in target. this is essentially a glimpse of their dreams come true. something that didn’t necessarily happen, but something that the readers can imagine and feel at peace with. i thought it was good to wrap up such a traumatic part 2 with something lighter, something sillier and something happier. ignis fatuus is a mf roller coaster. and the title itself ‘ignis fatuus’ literally means something deceptive/deluding. i think part 2 encompassed that well
as for the purpose of this story? to answer the question you may be having, “if yn died after this whole ass journey,,, what was the mf POINT?” maybe there isn’t a point. maybe there is no rhyme or reason. maybe i just told a story as it is. kind of like a reference to waiting for godot but on the less indifferent side. BUT! i would honestly argue that there IS a point! i think the relationship yn made with the seven very distinct men is special. the seven of them are depictions of very stereotypical men. a nerdy med school student, a grumpy bus driver, an impatient businessman, a spoiled daddy’s money lawyer, a scaredy-cat cop, an obsessive chef and a too-perfect-to-be-true baseball player. i think part 1 is interesting to see how the eight of them have created this synergy together. it’s also interesting to see in part 2 how yn twists the men’s stereotypes to fit in the fever dream narrative
ignis fatuus is one of my more depressing stories. i had the idea since january of 2019 so i spent quite a bit of time thinking about it before i decided to write it. i didn’t think i’d end on a lighter note, but i’m happy it turned out that way.
aNYWAYS sorry this turned out so long 😭😭😭i guess i rambled too much again oOPS. but i swear you’ll get a break from all this depressing writing LOL. i’m not posting another official story until january 15th! (and GOOD NEWS that story is going to be FLUFF!)
as usual thank you sm for such a kind message 🥺🥺
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I disagree with what you said about a/b/o and 'just make him trans'. Cos intersex omegas help people like me who are intersex (and without genderdysphoria, cos yes we exist me@society) to explore sexuality, genders and ways to not always needing to be seen as trans. I'm cis, I'm intersex and identify as such. I haven't written any a/b/o yet for SH I only write TW fic atm. I can't wait to delve deeper into the wonderful fics that are out there for SH. Thank you for writing trans!magnus. He's A+++
LONG RAMBLY RANT, ACTIVATE. This got a little messy and long, sorry about that, I’m just tryna,,,, organize my thoughts. Anyway,,,, thank u for the ask!!
Okay, so like, first thing to say: absolutely fair! I didn’t take intersex people into account when I wrote that as I was primarily drawing on my own experiences as a trans person, and like, that’s on me. I didn’t consider that angle at all, and I’m sorry for that. And I’m glad to get this other perspective I didn’t consider.
But like, I’d also like to say, that I think that doesn’t necessarily change what I was saying. Expand it, maybe, but like, not really… change anything? While it’s true that one could expand “you could just make them trans” to “or intersex, or another similar overlapping identity that would apply here where you could talk about that specific thing and actually make them that identity a rather than just making it a made-up fetishy ‘boypussy’ thing” the rest of what I was saying there was still like, applicable.
I mean, for one, a/b/o is still rooted in transphobia, both with the whole “making up new trans identities without acknowledging real trans people at all” thing that pops up a lot, and with making a cis guy with a vagina and zero implications genderwise or anything else, as well as the reinforced gender roles, and so on.
That being said, I made a point to be like, a/b/o isn’t inherently bad and wrong, and you aren’t transphobic for writing or reading it. Even if you’re not trans or intersex (like I said there are associated kinks/tropes one can enjoy without necessarily being into the other parts, I get it), but even so, particularly in the sense that some people do project onto a/b/o, as what you’ve mentioned. It’s true I specifically was talking about trans people—even specifically transmasc people, although I’m certain there are other ways to use the a/b/o universe for other identities—but while it would also apply to groups I didn’t mention, like intersex people, it doesn’t change or invalidate the point.
So like, I get what you’re saying about exploring sexuality/gender via a cis intersex omega, much how I projected on cis male omegas before I was more comfortable writing porn with trans characters (which by the way isn’t invalid! projecting is totally valid and you don’t have to graduate to writing trans or intersex characters like I did—it’s another reason why I do have mixed feelings about a/b/o). Because it’s a more socially acceptable and popular way to explore that kind of thing, and it’s a lot easier to find if you don’t want to write it yourself.
But like, for one, I feel like most people writing ‘boypussy’ a/b/o porn aren’t intersex or trans people exploring their sexuality. It’s cis/non-intersex people who unironically use that word and couldn’t give less of a shit about trans or intersex people, and are using it purely for wank material. It feels kind of fetishy and gross; and that’s not even getting into the other problems I mentioned.
And two, I feel like the ideas “a/b/o is often transphobic, particularly the AUs where an omega is like, all but literally a transmasc person (or an intersex person, as you’ve pointed out) but still treated as a non-intersex cisgender man just with an extra bit Down There for fun, or even treated as a misogynist’s stereotype of a woman in all but name and chest (what with how alpha/omega is often just reframed gender roles)”, and “a/b/o can be a way for an intersex or trans person to project onto and explore their sexuality in socially acceptable ways” and even “a/b/o has some fun kinks/tropes that aren’t inherently bad by themselves and it’s not wrong to enjoy those things”, aren’t like, mutually exclusive.
But again, that doesn’t mean you’re invalid for liking a/b/o or using cisgender intesex omegas to explore that kind of thing. There’s nothing wrong with that. And one could even argue that sure, those fetishy authors are doing it for their own kink reasons, but young intersex or trans people might read that for their own reasons and really enjoy it, and is it really right to say “okay, you can only do this if you’re trans or intersex, you better prove you are before we let you write it”? Like, no, that sounds weird. But also do I trust most cis, non-intersex people to write it? Also… kind of no…? Although also I have little faith in general, given all the other tropes that aren’t even necessarily transphobic, just shitty.
I don’t know the answer here. Like I said, I have complicated feelings on a/b/o. I feel it isn’t as black and white or as just plain bad as some people say (although they’re allowed their opinions and distaste, of course) but I also don’t think it’s free of any problems.
But hey, that’s just my opinion, and obviously, I’m not intersex myself. I hope I explained myself well enough (I can’t emphasize enough I’m not upset or angry or anything like that, I’m just trying to explain what I was saying, and while I totally welcome this discussion and an alternate perspective I haven’t had on this before, I don’t think what you’re saying necessarily conflicts with what I was saying? You know?), but if I said anything offensive at all please don’t hesitate to let me know. And hey, if you have any more thoughts, feel free to shoot another ask!
But really, thank you for sending me this! And again, I’m sorry for not considering intersex people in my original post.
Also: I’m glad you like my trans Magnus fics!! There sadly aren’t a lot more of them but i would recommend tothetrashwhereibelong’s fics (and blog of the same name) to start, if you want any more good trans Magnus content.
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