#ANYWAY im off on a tangent again. i WILL be writing that other ask and i WILL make it crazy

[julysn]

Hii! Sorry, I'm a little embarrassed to ask you this >-<, but could you do an Andy Graves x Reader fanfic?I'm so obsessed with the post what it would be like to date Andrew, oh if I could ask for one more thing could it be on the decay route or without Ashley?

𝓝otes ⋆ i think you’re the same anon from the andy graves post so HI AGAIN!! also two writing posts in a day who dis

also. also. no ashley as always. my ass is too tired to string this into decay route so i was like “… just no ashley is fine” IM SORRY okay you said “or without ashley” so i went w the latter

anyways HERE IT IS! i didn’t know what to do for this so it’s kinda short and sucks ass. ended up doing what i do best—smut so um hope u like this 😭 sorry for tangent yk how i am i guess..

𝓘ncludes cursing, oral sex, there isn’t much dialogue just head. blowjobs. did i mention sex? slightly ooc maybe idk i wasn’t thinking when i wrote this

𝓢ynopsis ⋆ basically you suck cock until he cums. porn no plot

“That’s it, baby.” Andrew coos, his hand getting tangled in your hair as he watches your head bop up and down, his cock in your mouth. He can’t help but love the sensation of your saliva coating his shaft, watching you envelop his member into your mouth like it was the last thing you’d ever dox

You look up into his eyes, gazing into his lust-filled orbs, watching as ecstasy clouded his vision from each and every time your tongue brushed against his sensitive foreskin. Andrew was just so pretty like this, one hand across his mouth and the other hand in your hair as his cheeks flushed red.

“Mmm, Y/N..” A soft gasp escapes his lips, eyes fluttering shut as his fingers wrap around the strands of your hair and begin to tug, tugging you up and down his cock, forcing your pace to accelerate. “I’m close, babygirl..”

Suddenly, Andrew falls off of the edge of heaven, ejaculating into your mouth as his cum drips down into your throat. He lets out a loud, deep groan, his hands tightening in your hair as your eyes widened and you swallowed down all of the semen.

𝓝otes ⋆ sorry guys if i got the male anatomy stuff wrong AND YES ik this was short 😭😭 if anything’s inaccurate i’ve never had sex saur…

[pleucas]

good evening. it is me again, skk hater - no air quotes because i am completely genuine in my hatred. this will be a long one.

i shall first begin with a thanks. i do write pretty often, and my ego has been sufficiently stroked. i suppose even the most despicable people have taste - at least in matters besides ships.

you have asked for my reasoning behind my vehement hatred of skk, and i think it's time for me to provide.

i'm going to be completely truthful - it's all Akutagawa's fault. i love him and his stupid victorian child fashion and british accent and dumb haircut deeply. so, naturally dazai is the bane of my existence.

now, even though i hated dazai more each time Akutagawa appeared, i actually didn't mind SKK for some time. i didn't get it cause Chuuya rarely actually shows up in the manga, which i read straight through without detouring for any of the light novels, but i was fine with it. they're fruity in most all their interactions, i shall never deny that because it's clearer than glass and i'm not that delusional, but i didn't see much substance beyond that.

then i read the novels and slowly came to the conclusion that i actually hate dazai even when Akutagawa isn't in the picture. and when i say HATE i mean HATE. he is the pebble lodged in my shoe, the lego on my cousin's floor, the table leg i stub my toe on, and so forth.

Chuuya, on the other hand, i love. he's great. amazing. stormbringer? peak. so, OBVIOUSLY, he could do much better than dazai. soooo much better. i mean, look at him

every time dazai and Chuuya have their objectively gay moments with each other, i feel like im watching my friend crawl back to their toxic ex.

that's how i feel with most dazai ships, and this is because dazai is always a smug prick towards the person he's being shipped with, and because i love Akutagawa i am not amused by this in the slightest. feels like he's rubbing salt in the wound. i actually like dazai more as a character when he's on the back foot. a (nonromantic) example would be him in The Day I Picked Up Dazai (A Side). dazai and Oda's dynamic is probably the best one dazai has in my eyes - though i don't ship them in the slightest. additionally, i think i, if only for a moment, actually liked dazai when he got ""killed"" in that one chapter. because it was a loss for him. in that moment, he (well, at least we're led to believe) got what he had wished for so often during the series, though it was not on his own terms. therefore, it felt almost like poetic tragedy - i thought it would have been a fitting end for him, and if it truly had been, i might like him now. this, as you know, was not the case.

furthermore, dazai is a fruitcake with or without Chuuya. it's not specific towards him, so i don't think anything real can be drawn from the vaguely homoerotic behaviour. i mean, dazai ballroomed danced with Sigma five minutes after meeting him. man just likes men, i don't know what to say

in conclusion, i feel like their relationship is unbalanced. dazai is never really shown to be all too worked up by Chuuya, even when he seems to be on the losing end of their bickering, but Chuuya is constantly harassed. while it's admittably funny, i don't like it in a romantic sense, nor do i see it in anyway that's different from Kunikida or Sigma.

that's about everything i can say without going on an unorganized tangent. i could bring up more specific issues i have that stem from Stormbringer and the Fifteen novel, but i have actual things ive been putting off writing - there's a whole book being sidelined by SKK right now. this has been a good way of procrastinating, but it must come to an end eventually

as for titles, you can call me Rimu. like the tree,

so, with an abundance of hate, Rimu <3

(ps: you might noticed that dazai's name is not capitalized at all in this ask. this is because he does not deserve that level of respect.)

holy hell Rimu. Hello, formally I guess — I will follow in your footsteps and leave dazai's name uncapitalized, because that was very funny

i've been putting off responding to this for a while but please believe that i have been thinking about it and periodically re-reading it. it's one of the most entertaining asks i've received LOL

to actually respond without completely proving your point of skkers procuring essays (though i'm sure you realize the irony upon review of your own accolade), i'll keep it brief. you had me in the first half, ngl, cuz i'm pretty sure 89% of us [skkers] agree, on a generalized scale, that dazai is the worst and Chuuya deserves everything and more (and better). he's the type of character that i enjoy as pure fiction, bc i know that if i knew him in person i'd hate him. same goes for my opinions on irl dazai — so asagiri did a (rare) justice for his authors there ig

abt everything else tho (imbalance, not being as affected by chuuya, similarity to other ships, and lack of intrigue)... i had a lot of responses prepared but really all of it can be summed up here as this:

like ngl man. LOL. i do blame the anime and its horrendous adaptation of dazai's character and skk's interactions, but that's another can of worms... that i have... opinons... about.

thank you for sharing your thoughts Rimu, i enjoyed reading through it a lot. keep it going!

with a mutual abundance of hate, Cas <3 <3 <3

[seaweedbraens]

Honestly ricks new book has just inspired me to reread wcwsthwas again.

I'm convinced Rick doesn't remember who his characters are anymore.

ill be the first to admit my characters can also be ooc! i think ive also fallen into the 'annabeth as a mom friend' trap (though piper is usually annabeth's mom in my fic) and i do think i have a lot of work to do keeping my characterizations consistent.

but heres the crux of my problem, right: this isnt my job. im a girl in my twenties who works full time and writes for fun. my ao3 is my hobby, and the characters i write are not canon. thats why it KILLS ME that rick writes with such a loose pen. in this new book, ive seen at least 5 inconsistencies, and thats IGNORING the timeline one (because why are people acting like leo is alive???). he has changed....just core things about characters. like grover the vegetarian eating a bacon sandwich and clovis now being morpehus' son. lack of attention to the little details, imo, just shows a lack of care. and as @glove23 pointed out, it shows that he really doeant respect his readers. he's acting like we're idiots, like we arent going to notice the changes. and, at the risk of aounding like a scooby doo villain, HES GETTING AWAY WITH IT TOO!! twitter laps up everything he does. it infuriates me to a whole other level.

this man is retconning shit left and right, tweaking stories previous to suit whatever new one he's writiig at the moment, and it just comes off as disrespectful and sloppy. fic writers are doing better than him at just about everything at this point. im not even talking about ME. there are heaps of really incredible pjo authors who seem to understand and respect the source material far more than rick seems to these days. and thats a goddamn shame.

ive read snippets of the book - some parts are okay and some are passable but most feel...weird. i dont know if its just me, but even the percabeth felt off. i hate how percy calls himself dumb in, like, every second sentence. when did that become a thing? and WHY? i wouldnt be surprised if this was ghostwritten. tbh, i hope it is. like you said, it feels like rick doesnt know how to write his characters anymore :/ sucks but i feel like i need to add a disclaimer to every fic now: this author has read only the original pjo and hoo books and all characters are written based on the ones of those series.

ANYWAY THIS IS NOT WHAT U ASKED FOR I WENT ON A BIGASS TANGENT IM SORRY SHSKSKSJSKSK

sidenote: to the poor souls running the riordanverse wiki, GOOD LUCK

[chelseahotel2004]

initial thoughts on bright future🎤❓

hello celia dear! MWAH! unfortunately i've let this ask fester for literally a whole entire year old so sadly i can no longer share my initial thoughts... but on the bright side (bright future??!) because i've had time to really sit with this album i've also had the time to let my opinions properly develop. very long post incoming:

overall thoughts: i have pretty mixed feelings about this album... on the one hand, there is a lot that it does well. i don't think adrianne can write a bad lyric, and there's also a real sense of intimacy + sonic coherence which i appreciate. on the other hand, bright future unfortunately does not stand up to the rest of adrianne's discography to me. the highs on this album are pretty good, but the lows are just sooo forgettable. i also find that this album really struggles from a lack of instrumental texture/some disappointing production choices. usually i wouldn't mind this too much, but i fear that in this case the songwriting itself just isn't strong enough to hold up as accoustic/single instrument pieces. sorry adrianne i do love your stuff the bar is just high. anyways here's a song by song breakdown!

real house - i always appreciate when an opener is an accurate representation of the songs to follow, which real house does successfully, for better or for worse. this is perhaps the best example of what i mean when i say that the production is just too stripped back. im not a huge fan of only having the piano (which, side tangent, sounds more like an electric keyboard to me, which is not a good thing. why are you using an electric keyboard for an intimate slow piece when you could just use a real piano?? idk, but im not a fan.) the lyrics are beautiful, but the melody is too repetitive for me to want to listen to this more than i have to. i like it as an opener and as a poem, but not so much as a song. this is made worse by the fact that it is six whole minutes long. i like when she says "and they'd go... oh man!" 4/10

sadness as a gift - this is the most streamed on the album for a reason, and that reason is that this is just a solidly good song. everything about this is great, but the vocal performance here is just brilliant... i always like when the fiddle and accoustic guitar come out to play. bittersweet beauty. 7.5/10

fool - YAYYYYY!!!! this one is so fun. great rhythmic sense (kinda reminds me of heavy bend?). i really like the contrasting production styles between the vocals and instrumental.. the vocals are very tinny and the instrumental comes through so cleanly. i also really like that the guitar line is put to the front of the mix. 8/10

no machine - this is a quintessential ''adrianne lenker'' sounding song. so obviously it's great. not much to say it's just nice. 7/10

free treasure - my personal favourite!!! such a precise control of rhythm here that it feels both constrained yet free. the way each line trips into the next makes me feel like im running down a hill with my footsteps pattering in a way where i think i'm almost about to tumble, even if i never do. i feel the wind in my hair. everytime she sings "i havent smelled food so good and i don't know when" i black out because it's just that good. i think i hauve covid. 10/10

vampire empire - thank GOD we got "fish and she's my gills" back. not as good as the big thief version, but i like it. 7/10

evol - we are officially at the point where i feel the album drops off significantly. idk man... it's a good song don't get me wrong. but i feel it suffers from the same problems as real house? we have the same weirdly produced piano line that is overpowered by a repetitive overly-plaintive vocal line. i don't dislike it, but it feels like. okay..? i do really like the alliteration/rhyming a lot. 5/10

candleflame - blah... . again, not a bad song. but there is just nothing special about it that grabs me. even after listening to this album so many times i still forget how this one sounds if i am not actively listening. it is so nothing-burger. 3/10

already lost - WE ARE SO BACK! similar production style to fool, which obv i like. some GREAT melodic motion here. the progression at "a thousand years or more" is just like !! ah! so good. finally a song on this album that has a bit of tension/motion. lol. 8/10

cell phone says - this one is suchhhh a let down for me i'm sorry. i remember it being my most anticipated listen because the title is so baller and maybe my expectations were too high? but i still haven't come around to it even now so idk. anways i just feel very underwhelmed by the lyrics here which normally would be like. okay. fine. but unfortunately there is just hardly anything else to judge it by considering how stripped back the sound is! (again)!!! listen, i love accoustic ballads but if you aren't going to give me compelling lyrics, rhythm OR melody, then i need more. i'm being harsh but i do like this song. i just think that it's a let down. 5/10

donut seam - okay... love??! this song would be great on its own, but the backup vocals take it to a whole new level. yet another bittersweet beauty. 9/10

ruined - you may think i'm going to complain about ruined having the same problems as real house + evol. but i'm not. congratulations ruined you passed!!! even though the production is similar, the song is saved by having interesting tension in the melody. also the very subtle droning synth in the back adds just enough texture that im not frustrated. a bit of a strange choice for closer imo? but it does cycle nicely so who am i to judge. 7/10

overall average: 6.7/10

[mp3-author]

Help lowkey (high key) needed: John Wick FanFic

Long story short, I've become obsessed with Keanu Reeves. This threw me into watching the John wick movies (Im on chap 4, just started). I got the most WICKED idea for a Fanfic and make a whole OC for it ( I do want to have a X reader version tho). BUT

I have no clue how to write and lowkey (HIGH KEY) need someone to look over the small draft I have and tell me if im doing something (if anything right)

It was probably the first time John had laid down on something that wasn't a literal stone, and it was most likely that fact that woke him up so fast. 

Trying to get up, at the heart-racing realization that he had no clue whose bed he was in, his body began screaming. This instantly brought him back down. No doubt he’s been pushing it the last couple of days, he had to sit and accept the fact that he might die here.

But the pain knocked him out before the thought could fully process. Probably his body’s way of stopping him from getting any ideas.

…. 

He blacked out again. 

Waking up this time, he decided to save his strength and instead look to see how his coming doom would happen.  But looking around there wasn't anything. 

That was a bit of a lie, there was something in the room with him. In fact, there was a lot but nothing deadly. At least he thought…

If it was under different circumstances, this room could've been a nice hotel room or maybe someone's apartment.  The lighting was warm and set to dim. There were different small light figures littered throughout. There was a small plant hanging up in the corner opposite of his bed. Its vines were slowly growing out of the pot. As far as he could see, the ground was padded with an intricate Persian rug. Hell, there is even a book self with a teddy bear placed in the middle.

This wasn't right. 

Where exactly was he?  Trying to think back only gave him stronger headaches. And trying to get up only made things worse. With no weapons in sight, 

“I’m actually fucked.” John thought.

—----

How much time has passed? How long was he in the room in the first place? Who could’ve hidden him for this long anyway? 

The questions only continued to stack on top of each other. Sure, his body was spent, but his mind couldn't - no wouldn’t let him sleep. Something is deeply wrong here. He left without any definition of what his fate would be. And that - for some reason-disturbed him more than a gun pressed into his face.

Lying there, he closed his eyes. Trying to enjoy the possible few hours, maybe minutes he could. Helen was there. They were having dinner. He remembers this dinner. She was wearing this beautiful white sundress with a soft scarf around her shoulders. They were on the patio  of an Italian restaurant. The smell of warm food and love was ever so slightly in the air. She’s smiling and talking about the most amazing flower she saw. That would lead to plans for them, yes the both of them, to start a garden the minute they get home. 

“ No if then or buts John.” She said, half laughing.

“No- no- I hear you, we’ll stop by that green house and see what they have” He responded, feeding her some of his pasta. 

She takes a bite, enjoying the wonderful seasoning. This would send her on another tangent about doing a cooking class.

“Well he was awake.” 

Wait, that wasn’t a part of the memory.  His eyes jolted awake, like a machine turned on and ready to work. 

—---

God, if there was any kind of person in the world Naomi hated, other than slow walkers, it was those who “act first, ask questions later” and, as it turns out, John was one of those people. 

Shocker. 

She assumed, and that's where she messed up, that in the condition he was; John would follow along and hold back on taking actions. But she stood to be corrected as his hand grabbed and squeezed, more like nearly chopped off, hers. 

—--

Usually the people who take John never get close. That's what the little henchman was for, and by the looks of it, the lady standing above him was no henchman. There was a look of surprise that flashed, but it was quickly covered by a look of complete disappointment,

“Please let go of my hand. “ She stated flatly, not in fear, not as a demand, but like she was asking for a napkin. 

John didn’t want to let go, he wanted to tighten his grip and… well, do something. But looking just a little more closely, he saw the medical gloves that covered her hand. He decided to slowly let go. 

—---

Annoyed. 

That's how Naomi felt. Annoyed, she now had to wear a pair of , what would’ve been, perfectly good gloves, all because this stack of meat decided to act before thinking. 

She took back her hand, took off the gloves and rubbed her hand. “Great, now I’ll be behind schedule” she thought as she took some new gloves from the tray next to her. As she put them on, she turned to face John, trying to give the man as much patience as she could. But the moment it looked like water in a dessert, nearly gone. 

“Let's try that again, shall we…” She says, taking a breath, looking down at John. 

She raised her hands up, to show that nothing was on her gloves. Her version of a white flag of sorts. 

“ No funny business, I need to change your dressing” She points to the tight wrapping on his shoulder. 

“ I really hate to have you die and your blood messing up my sheets” She sighs, thinking back to the crisp blue sheets that were thrown out the other day.  

Without waiting for an answer, she put her hands down and reached for John's wounded shoulder. 

—--

John opened his mouth to protest, but it was too late. The minute she touched the wound, a pained sound came out instead. 

“Holy fuck” he thought.

 Trying to recover from the flashing pain he was feeling. 

[fadewalking]

1, 3, 13, 15

Salty Munday // @blightworn

How salty are you feeling right now? my secret is im always salty. Right now in particular? 4/10 saltiness, so that's fairly baseline for me

3. What rp trends are you so over and can't wait for it to die? This is worded harshly and my disclaimer is that I don't negatively judge or hold it against anyone who does this, I just personally don't like it, and i think it can often detract from the writing. THAT SAID:

icons/gifs in rp. This one i feel the most strongly about and I'll tell you why. but I used to use them waaayy back in the day, now i despise them, to the point where it's in my rules that I prefer that they aren't used at all in threads with me (ofc, it also says that if you insist on using them it's not the end of the world. im not gonna force anyone to do anything lbr).

But the reason why is because 6ish years ago i rped with someone who was using icons and I asked them politely if they would be okay not using them and they said no, they wanted to keep using them. This was fine and not the problem, like i said, not gonna force anyone. It was their reason why that permanently altered my brain chemistry.

They really said they need to use them because it's the only way to show what expression/reaction their muse has. This. Floored me. bc WHAT DO YOU MEAN. WHAT ABOUT.... WRITING IT???? my god, i've never recovered. before that point my preference for non icons was purely aesthetic (bc i think it makes a reply look chunky and blocky, and interrupts flow) but after hearing THAT, im against them on principle. Use icons if you like the aesthetic, whatever. But using icons as a filler to NOT WRITE something? .... idek what to say. Well, i've said enough, i think, anyway. I blocked that person immediately btw lmfao. Now i have like 4 icons for Solas in a folder somewhere, and I only use them for crack responses bc they're funny, like this one look

13. Ever told someone not to follow/rp with a particular person because something that happened to you in the past?

No, i think it's a bad look to try to force your friends to stay away from particular people, even if you have a really good reason. I will warn people though, if i know someone's been up to some shit, either in the past or present. But it's up to them if they wanna keep contact, and im not gonna get upset abt it if they choose to keep interacting. I expect the same in return. If someone's acting up tell me bestie, lmk. But know that im going to make my own judgement abt it based off of my own experiences w/ that person. The only autoblocking i'll do is if i get hard proof of bigotry/hate speech. like if ur racist or something, i don't need to have my own experience w/ that lol, i'm out.

15. Have you ever done something out of spite?

Oh, definitely. Can I recall any particular instance? uhhhhhhhhh...... oh ok! yes actually I can. Once there was this Solas rper who followed me here and they posted a hc that Solas is transphobic, and it offended me so deeply that I wrote a manifesto about Solas' sexual preferences where I argued many topics including how absurd it is to think Solas would be transphobic and also why it is NOT OKAY for people to try to fuck spirits because canonically, spirits CANNOT consent, but that is a tangent and not the focus of this answer.

Anyway, I posted that, left it alone long enough for the Solas rper to see it, and once they had (bc they commented on it) i blocked them lmfao. And that is also part of the reason that I don't rp with other Solas' these days. I will not let myself be so deeply offended again over someone else's problematic hc. Not that I think everyone who rps Solas is gonna have a shitty hc about him, but it's just easier for me to not even allow the slightest possibility of getting that upset abt fictional characters ever again. It's just a personal preference to curate my own webspace. But that whole long ass post was 100% created out of spite for that hc.

[hahaifolded]

YOU GET IT!! God I’m so glad that I found your blog

Rant ensuing lmao (feel free to ignore!!)

I just hate hate hate when there’s some real good angst but the all the potential is just dashed because smut!

Maybe it’s because I’m on the ace spectrum, but I dunno. I hate when conflict is resolved just like that or when reader is written without a personality and just constantly horny, makes me really uncomfortable when all a character wants to do is sleep with another character.

Or when reader is written in a way that they’re clearly pushing boundaries of others and that’s seen as totally normal, for example: the trope of pushing Simon to reveal his face and writing him as an asshole because he doesn’t want to. Makes me feel icky.

Or let’s say character A gets with character B, even though A knows that B doesn’t want a family but keeps pushing for it regardless and then B is seen as an asshole because they don’t want that.

I just HATE characters disrespecting boundaries and the other person being seen as an asshole for it

Also, König. I have such a deep hatred for that man it’s UNREAL. Most of the reason is because he replaces Gaz often and it rubs me the wrong way completely. I have a tendency of hating a really popular character when they’re mostly loved because they have an attractive trait but not much else (he’s barely that fleshed out in CoD. Let’s be honest, I feel like he’s mostly liked for his height lmao)

And like just in general, König makes me really uncomfortable and I can’t find it in me to like him in the slightest for whatever reason

Of course, these are all my personal opinions, they’re definitely biased and subjective. I hold no judgment to anyone with different opinions and what they like. I actually think it’s fascinating how different people could consume the exact same media but have vastly different takes, it’s human and beautiful. I never want anyone to feel like I’m judging them for having different opinions or liking things that I don’t

Anyway! I think I rambled enough lmao, I’m sorry for going on that tangent, I’m sorry for any possible mistakes I’ve made in wringing (grammar/spelling). I just got really excited to share my thoughts and I genuinely love seeing you interacting with your followers. You’re such a cool person and I have so much respect for you and your work

Hope you have an amazing day/evening and I’m wishing you the best <33

(Also, no pressure at all to interact with this ask, please don’t feel obligated to respond. Your well being comes first always!!)

I have many thoughts, none of them coherent, but here we go:

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind some smut here and there, but I agree there are some good plots that are lost because they immediately jump to smut. To each their own but yeah it sucks when I read something that I'm like oooooh, what's ne-- and they're fucking, cool cool.

Yeah again Konig did it for me physically in the beginning. BUT then the shitshow that is people BEING RACIST started happening and I was like yeah no. Also his VA is SUPER SUPER weird so that also completely turned me off from that man. Also in general I think people characterize him in some kinda weird incel type of guy that completely grosses me out. So I can respect you being completely uncomfortable with him

also I do hold judgement with people who do have different opinions because im right. I will not elaborate

also you apologizing for your grammar mistakes sends me as if I am not an ESL kid.

thank you for your ramblings! gives me a chance to also yap!

and like always thank you for reading my stuff and interacting in this little site called Tumblr

[tappioca]

haha thanks for the reply :) the main reason i decided to ask you is actually bc of anam cara btw, i was just like "damn the author of anam cara thinks like this??? but then writes anam cara? smth doesnt add up here 🤔". glad to know this is the same person LOL anyway yeah i have been with anam cara for 20.3(?) chapters now and a couple days ago i think i just made the biggest decision in my fiction reading career and that is to drop it (omg how insane is that that im publicly announcing to the author that ey yo im not reading yo fic no more lolll but i've decided to send you an ask so here we are)

you wrote absolutely beautiful and the seccs sometimes hit so hard but at one point i think it's too heavy of a story for me :'( i love long fics but this one is just too heavy on the infidelity that my conservative little brain just cant take it. and i dont mean leon and ash cheating on other ppl with eachother, but leon and ash cheating on eachother with other ppl. obviously that's not true bc they arent in a relationship, but for a leshley fic where it's expected for them to be with one another, i didnt expect to read that during times when they dont do it, they do it with other ppl. and then ash also dates/sleeps with other ppl while she's doing it with leon and when he's celibate, like ughhh it physically pains me 😭😭

but yeah that is my personal feeling and preference while reading fics; i just dont want to know that my favs are getting it from other ppl, im not interested to hear their past and especially not interested in knowing that they still do it in the present. when i read smth i just want the focus to be on them, bc consuming fiction is about comfort and that is what brings me comfort.

a long ask (a long confession more like) but im glad i could be honest and upfront with you. im still super in love with ur art bc like i said i like it when the focus is on them and GODDAMN does your art do that with those preggo ashley pieces uwuu 😚 see you on twitter ♥️ (but you wont know who i am haha 😈)

hewwo again haha thank u for ur honesty :^) first off thank u for reading that thing like at all 😭 😭 also if i sound self-slammy when describing that thing over the course of this answer just know it’s bc talking about that thing elicits in me a certain kind of visceral reaction. makes me really self-conscious 😭 i call it “AC, my son, whom i hate” / flaming horseshit / word vomit brain baby. love that thing though tho

special spot @ the “damn the author of anam cara thinks like this??? but then writes anam cara? smth doesnt add up here 🤔” remark, made me laugh hahahaha ikr!!

anyway hey ME TOO 🤝 my ass hella conservative as well! oh boy you have no idea. every chapter is about 30% pushing through religious guilt aside from going against the common sense of "what decent person would do this". tell you what though, tbh it’s also why it’s in the direction it is taking now: so anyone who’s been made uncomfortable by the entire premise (myself included) and has stuck with the thing would think “ohhh so we weren’t just fucking around…we’re also finding out 🤔”

additionally, though a bit off-tangent but if this helps substantiate the reason why it's "heavy"- everyone i knew who told me they read that thing was only either rooting for them or could only see a make/break dichotomy. whole time i’ve been sitting with the Secret Third Thing which was playing the long game (read: reckoning, among other things. lmao). it’s also why there are bits and pieces of how their respective lines of work have affected the fate of the world in there. ashley’s research, her NGO successfully getting reparations for the relatives of those who were zombified in raccoon city, united nations mention in ch. 21… and on leon's side of things, DSO and BSAA "harmonizing", some throwaway lines about biowarfare in asia, etc. … plot backdrop elements i hope i can write neatly in the ending bc part of the reason why they've been tweaking for 200k+ words is bc of the world they live in. obviously these last few are headcanons and how i’d wish capcom could give cohesion to the overarching world-building. i just care a lot i'm sorry ngahhhh 😭

also re: preference. oh absolutely! i respect it ✊ we consume fanfiction for comfort, not for additional stress. life is already painful enough haha! (just that i wanted that thing to be character-driven that's why they be making "tf is u doing girl??" kinda choices. in my head, them normalizing that they could just sleep with other ppl while being in that godforsaken situationship was also their way of minimizing the gravity of how down bad and doomed they actually are.)

also about the “cheating on each other” thing — i hear ya. though on my end it’s more of.. hmm how to say. you ever read gabriel garcia marquez’s love in the time of cholera? basically it’s a story of two lovers who met when they were young but the woman gets married to someone else for like ~50 years. the whole time the dude sleeps with many (MANY) women but his heart is reserved only for fermina daza (the female mc). i lowkey paid homage to that book when ashley said to leon in ch. 14 “i came, but not in the way that it mattered” (not gonna include the context, this answer is taking too long already) hehe does that make sense

imma Be Real talking abt that fic is lowkey embarrassing ‘cause the way it’s so elaborate you’d think it’s a book 😭 cringe 😭😭 but also like. i gotta answer too as best and honestly as i can in courtesy to you 😭

but all in all thank youuu for just rolling with whatever nonsense i decide to make. oh best believe the art are gonna be weshwii-centric ('cause drawing takes more time to lay out); it's just in the writing that i decide to put them through the worst hehe + i hope my answers here made sense 😭

very much thank for the generous compliments, so kind of you! and if you ever feel like picking it up again you’ll know where to find it anyway :^) have a good one & take care & see youuu on twitter!

[cellsshapedlikestars]

ganymedeee im cringing so hard and i have no one to talk to about this so i have to share with you anonymously

unnecessary background info just for context: when i started reading fanfiction over 10 years ago i started on fanfction.net and im never on there anymore because i discovered ao3 which is definitely superior but anyways i for some reason entered a weird depressive state and i guess reverted back into my 16 yo self, stopped reading jonsa (i miss them 🥹) and started reading my first ever ship again, somehow landed on ff.net, remembered i had an account, found it and discovered that i posted stories??!? im pretty sure i wrote them for the same reason that i ended up on ff.net today: because there are in total 3 well written stories for that fandom. i just spent an hour reading comments laughing my ass off at some of them starting with "this is STUPID" and going on to explain the loopholes in the story. yes honey it is. i wrote it when i was 16.

on a tangent - the quality of jonsa fanfiction is actually insanely good. its strange to actually have to go looking for "well written" fanfiction after spending the past 5 years on the jonsa tag where mostly everything has the quality of published novels.

alright sorry for the huge ask! question: have you ever forgotten a piece you wrote and read it like it was written by someone else?

Anon, I adore everything about this except that you entered a depressive state. I'm not sure when that was and if you're still in it, but I hope things get better. I have absolutely been there.

First of all, yes the jonsa fandom is extremely talented. I don't actually read a lot of fic for other fandoms. I get obsessed with one and that's all I care about. I like other ships, and sometimes I'll go try to find fics to read, but I end up getting bored pretty quick. And yeah, sometimes I give up because the quality isn't great

I find your ask so interesting, because I also wrote fanfic as a teenager, but then dropped the hobby for probably over 10 years, until I was in a very bad depressive state (brought on by starting a new birth control lol) and started reading fic again. Went to ao3 because I wasn't satisfied with the ending of GOT, and found the jonsa fandom. Started writing fic for it 8 months later.

And ooooooh boy, I have a whole backlog of fics for my old fandom. A few years ago, I re-posted them from ff.net (in case it died) to ao3, because while a lot of them make me cringe hard enough that I couldn't even read through them again, I checked my ff.net stats and people were still reading them a decade later. And for a very, very small fandom. So I might cringe, but clearly some people were getting enjoyment out of it.

There were a few I did re-read and enjoyed again, because while my writing style might be different now, the ideas were good and some were even decently written. Some were not. Some I wrote in first person POV, which I DESPISE. I also wrote so much smut. Like a lot. Or, I did at first. I absolutely wrote less smut the more confident I became in writing plots/relationship dynamics/character studies. Actually, looking at the account now, it turns out I did not transfer a bunch of my earliest fics because they were just bad smut lmao

As for forgetting a fic/reading it like it was written by someone else? Alas, no. I have a very specific memory, fortunately or unfortunately. I still remember the Sailor Moon fics I wrote when I was eleven, that I never even posted online, I just wrote for myself.

Anon, I have to say I really want to read your cringe fic, but I will not ask you to share it. I know I've never shared my other username on here (though someone from the jonsa fandom did find my stuff because I named the ship outright at one point, and it wasn't hard to find my stuff in the 113 fics for it on ao3 - 24 of which are mine. It was very funny when they commented, and I responded with my ganymede account, so perhaps someone else will come across it in the wild at some point).

And I'm sorry you got critical comments! I was very lucky that my fandom was so small and everyone was SUPER supportive of each other, which I will always appreciate because I absolutely would have given up writing if they'd been mean to me lol

Anyway, TL;DR - I love this. Cringe at your own writing. Love that 16 year old who wrote it.

[dearweirdme]

one day I'll stop writing essays in your asks but your questions and the responses are always so interesting to me especially as a non taekooker! So here's another one,lol.

I always knew another member was coming to taes picnic. I knew for the same reason I wasnt surpised when 3 of the members performed at yoongis concerts.

BTS want to see army. That's their whole thing. If they can make time for it that's what they're going to do. I'll admit that I thought it was gonna be JK who came and I assumed it was going to be him up until I heard he left Korea again. Then I was pleasantly surprised when Jimin came.

Not to shade the person who is exhausted by the "vmin" soul mate thing but Jimin wasn't going to taes vicnic because of some elaborate ruse by hybe to push the soul mate narrative, like its not 2020. Nor do i think he was there to make it seem like their relationship is soooo strong.

I want to remind people this is the duo who people have joked about being divorced all year. They both have only recently started mentioning each other and hanging out so I definitely dont think they care about our perception of their closeness through a platonic soulmates lens.I think Jimin and taes friendship is beautiful and i think if youre lucky you'll have several playonic soul mates in your lifetime. I think thats what jimin and tae were/are saying when and if they still use that word about each other.

Its pretty obvious that Jimin was there, not for any elaborate narrative or as a flimsy substitute for Jk. Jimin came cause tae asked him too and beause Jimin enjoys seeing army. Its pretty in his nature to show up for his members and he misses army. He told us he did in his live less than 48 hours ago so why wouldn't he jump at the chance to see us/them?

As to why JK wasn't there its the same reason he didn't get on live for like a month. He had a schedule, he's very busy. And for any taekooker who worries or gets irrationaly annoyed by them not having as much time together, you should know that taekook is more used to each others schedules than any of us are. Im sure JK was worried about tae and missed him when tae was going non-stop as I'm sure tae is worried and missing JK now. But whatever you believe they're doing, jk not being there today doesn't change it and I'm sure he wish he could have been.

I dont see him not showing up as a grand scheme by the company to push any type of narrative but just obvious logistics. Frankly if JK was home and didn't have a schedule I think JK and Jimin both would have come.

((((And this is a bit of a tangent but regarding the idea that theres a fandom narrative that taekook isn't close, I personally am not a taekooker or a jikooker and have never seen that narrative in any of my fandom spaces. I don't think the majority of the Fandom outside of the straw lovers believes that at all, but i could be wrong. Now do I think there's a huge focus on their closeness, when it comes to marketing or pairing them up? No, lol.But if I'm in a queer relationship with my band mate and I'm not ready to be perceived by the public I would take there not being a huge focus or emphasis on my relationship as a blessing. Just a different perspective i thought id offer ,but I get pushing back on the narrative when you see it because honestly its annoying when anyone says two members arent close, but I will say ive never heard anyone say taekook isnt close personally.))

anyways that's my essay for the day and since I seem to be popping up here a lot I will sign off this time so in the future when i pop up you know it's me lol- BYM

Hi BYM-anon!

Sorry for being a bit late in responding!

I agree with most of your ask. I think the things we disagree on are that I think Tae and Jk are more to each other than friends, and I think a large portion of fandom actually does think Tae and Jk drifted apart between 2016 and 2020. I think most of fandom sees that they are close now, and have been for some years.. but there's still those (yes, probably Jkkrs mostly) that disagree.

I think in part the lack of Tkk footage is from allowing them privacy and safety. From Bighit's perspective, having an actual in band relationship must've been super unconvenient, no matter how they personally view queer relationships or Tae and Jk as persons, business wise it's seen as a risk. There's the risk of them breaking up, there's the risk of them having a rocky relationship with drama, there's the risk of them being distracted, there's the risk of discovery in a queer unfriendly country. So I think as soon as BH became aware, they introduced boundaries and rules Tae and Jk had to adhere to. Which isn't all too weird, because in 'normal' situations companies would also probably tell their dating coworkers to act professional. I think Tae and Jk, as well as the other members, do want their privacy. Was the intent from Bighit to protect them? No, I think they just want to protect their company. You can tell that at times Jk and Tae did not like the way they were treated.

How do Jk and Tae feel about the boundaries and rules they had to live by? Probably very conflicted. I think rationally they probably understood, but emotionally it was very hard and different situations probably came with varying feelings. There's so much to consider. There's the band as a whole, they wouldn't have wanted to put the other members' future at risk, they also wouldn't have wanted to put their own future at risk (though at some points they might've wondered if things were worth it). Keeping their relationship safe and hidden, was the safest way for them to carry on professionally and privately. But, being young and in love calls for feelings that are so strong.. they must've felt very frustrated at not being able to show that. I think they also felt the rules and boundaries were too strict, prohibiting them from even acting as close friends. Having to watch other members be close with your partner (having a full blown other ship to take root) while not being able to do much themselves. I think it truly hurt them.

We see a lot of "Jk is trying to hide" stuff, and I do think Jk is a bit more carefull (of sharing friendships and bonds in general), but when all you've ever known is to hide your relationship, that's what has become your safe place. I do believe Jk doesn't like the shippers comemnts in his lives, and justly so. It's people asking for information they have no right to.

Mentioning Tae and Jk in one sentence always comes with some tension.

[gold-rhine]

hiii!! lyney anon here (again)

first of all, i did not know either that you could write that much text in tumblr asks... and yes i am deeply ashamed LMAO on the other hand, YES!!!! i agree wholeheartedly w ur ideas and i hadnt thought about that and yes it is now going to stay in my head for the next couple of years until my thirst is satisfied (jk dont take me too seriously im just a horny tumblr user lmao) the main approach i had while i was writing was very much fluffy as fuck because i am a raging romantic and a very emotional person (i am a great fan of fluffy smut or angsty smut) (or maybe both) (hurt/comfort is the holy grail 🙏) however, i do agree and think that lyney would be a person that'd get off on risky stuff and the thrill and performance aspect (no i will not elaborate since well i doubt you want to see a multiple page essay on LYNEY PORN) anyways, thats all i swear i'll stop annoying u w my lyney tangents 😓 and i will go back to gnaw at my furniture like a rabid cat in my little corner

toodles <3

to be fair, the thrill and putting on a risky show in no way preclude the same piece from having emotional fluff and\or angst, and if done well, can actually contribute to the emotions bc of added stakes

anyway, if you have multiple page essay on lyney porn, maybe you should just write lyney porn yourself. just have fun with your ideas <3

[lovebvni]

Hi! This is Ani again. Just wanted to let you know that your reading was literally SO accurate. Istg you’re living my life

I’m gonna admit, I was expecting something much more negative. I usually expect negative things, which isn’t good, but that make the good things all the more exciting. This whole thing was also kind of new since this was my first intuition reading. My previous ask was also my first ask ever on tumblr so I was kind of nervous as well. It felt like I was writing an email lolol

But I’m so happy that I did do it because, you were right, I did kinda feel like I’ve been grazing rock bottom. I had this weird mixed feeling of being close to the void but also never getting in and holding both those feelings kind of drained me, on top of being burned out from school. This is the first time in a while where I’ve been truly excited for something.

Something that I recommend people do is something I did earlier this month, where I basically manifested seeing angel numbers and using their meanings as guidance on my void journey. I kept getting a lot of 444’s and 777’s which apparently both are related to seeking guidance from angels or something. I didn’t really know how to do that so I assumed that maybe I had to reach out to someone on tumblr, but even then I didn’t know who to ask. I didn’t even know what I should be asking. But this was really helpful and honestly, is making me so excited for my REAL new life instead of a daydream.

Also another thing is, I am a shifter! Or I’m planning to be one, anyway. The life I’m going to shift to from this one will be similar to my current one but better. But all my other realities after that, are pretty much going to be a totally different life with different people, like you said.

Also, can we talk about how in literally the beginning of the post I was called out in so many ways, like “Repressed emotions + feeling left out” 😭✋ Chill out man I can’t afford therapy rn ok?? Lolll all jokes aside though you are right, and I don’t really talk about what I’m feeling. I do think I am also very disconnected from people. I have a wide variety of interests so I can be part of multiple friend groups at the same time, which is why I feel so lonely, because I am never in one deeply enough to find true connections. I have a feeling I know who my new group of people are though!

Over all though, I am so excited to enter void. I have always known that I will, but it was just up to me to decide when. I’ve been putting in extra effort and I’m glad to see it’s paying off. And most of all, I’m excited to shift and be whatever I want to be! I don’t think anyone would be really, truly free until they experienced shifting, but then again, this is coming from someone who has never consciously shifted before (but I’m sure that’s still true).

Anyways, sorry this was so long, I think I kind of just went on a tangent with this one haha 😅 But fr tho, I can’t thank you enough for this, this has really helped me and re-inspired me a lot. I think everyone should give your intuition readings a try because it’s never bad to ask for help and advice, regardless of where you are in your void journey. This is also a great source of positivity for people who may feel stuck in their journey.

(Btw, I love how you complimented everyone in your response to the reading asks, it’s literally so sweet 🥹)

Thank you again for the reading! ♥️

OMG AAHHHH IM SO HAPPY WAIT

i literally read this whole thing during my lunch period and it made me so happy n smily (my friends probs think i have a new bf or something but no 😭😭 it’s this insane!!)

during my time in this earth, both before and after I shift i strive to be a guide. i want to help others reach their goals and get better in this life. every time i feel as if i help others, it brings new light and energy to my spirit. <3

im so glad i have you some hope and motivation, and i REALLY hope u get the help u need sometime!! i know financial issues r a real hinderance w mental health n to genuinely drives me insane 💀💀💀

i love u sm!!! i’m glad it helped!!

[wortsandall]

YES THE SEX THING !!! it bothers me so much but i see it less so i didn't mention it. but like jazz is friendly and charismatic and his whole thing is music, so i feel like people have this idea in their head that those traits automatically = a nymphomaniac or something.

which would be fine on its own as a standalone context but in context for jazz-it does become an issue because of the connotations of a black coded character being written that way.

especially since jazz has not been depicted like that in any media that has him in it (as far as im aware) so it's an authors personal choice to add this in there for essentially the reason of...? why?

its NOT a jazz character trait. as far as i've seen anyway as i haven't seen every jazz character ever written but i also feel like if he was intended to be seen like that, they'd have no problem doing that. other characters have been written to be like that-there's jokes about certain characters flirting with earth cars and stuff. i mean knock out's entire vibe is tf prime is something like that with his voice, he canonized interface as a cybertronian word for sex, borderline flirting with starscream, etc...

where the nuance comes in here is that there's nothing wrong with a headcanon. and people can headcanon jazz to be like that. and theres nothing inherently wrong with being a flirt and liking sex, whatever.

it just becomes odd that this trait ive only ever seen be added to jazz and never anyone else. and the way its written 50% of the time is completely the 'black guy with a big dick he loves to swing around' stereotype that makes me click off.

(i read one where because jazz is a spy its mentioned he's had to rape people for interrogation purposes before and i immediately clicked off because what the hell are you talking about ???? it felt completely out of place. i guess you could write a story in which that happens-i've got zero issues with dark fic.

but using jazz of all people? i didn't like that. i know jazz is a spy and he's done bad shit before but i just couldn't believe in that.

its the whole 'he wouldn't fucking say that' thing. because people can do whatever they want (all i'm asking is to be a little more socially aware of stereotyping) but ultimately when you're writing fic and you want it to be in character you have to write a set of circumstances that would make a character actually say that. throwing it into a fic that is ultimately the same universe with the same circumstances just slightly tweaked is not enough of a circumstance to make me believe that he would do that to interrogate people. its bad out of character writing. but this is a tangent)

this is getting long (sorry!) but basically yes the "jazz is a beast in the sheets and needs sex 24/7 and we'll talk about every type of past relationship he's ever had and also did you know he's had sex with EVERYONE on the ark" is something that i find so distasteful. because its not jazz.

when i read the idw comics and saw jazz i did not see what these writers were seeing. and it feels like a purposeful choice to see him like that versus the guy he actually is. im not an expert but he's just a charming musician who's pretty laid back and uses that as an advantage for a spy stuff sometimes.

i don't think it's really an act that he's a generally nice dude who just also has the whole "i got to do what needs to be done thing prowl has" but he actually does feel guilt (which is why i don't think he would ever take an interrogation far enough to rape somebody jesus christ) and he does let emotion get in the way like when he killed that guy on earth.

its feels off putting to turn the guy i described above into the type of guy that would:

- continue to flirt with prowl after being rejected over and over again (comes up a lot in jazzprowl)

-disrespect boundaries/be sexually aggressive in general

-talk about sex all the time even when inappropriate

-run off to jerk off or have inappropriately timed sex

all things ive seen across various different fics. and if you want to write jazz that way you better create a set of circumstances that makes me believe it. because throwing it into tf animated of all continuities (as an example) just make me immediately side eye your priorities

tldr; the jazz sex fiend trend does bother me. i don't think writing him that way or enjoying him written that way automatically makes you racist. but i do encourage people to explore any subconscious bias they may have because that trait doesn't make sense for jazz. especially if you want to write in character jazz fics.

in the spirit of honesty...the way some of yall write jazz in transformers fanfic is honestly appalling. it screams ive never met a black person in my life. it screams i watched michael bays 2007 transformers and took notes, as if the bayverse hasnt been criticized for its terrible stereotyping.

yes, he has an accent. yes, he uses slang. but jesus christ. his usage is not as egregious as yall write it. yall write him like hes stupid and uneducated. the ultimate caricature of a black man. its super insulting.

and i get that he's not actually black due to not being human but he is black coded and the treatment is abysmal at times.

my advice? JUST WRITE DIALOGUE. our brains do the rest. i know what he sounds like, i can fill it in myself.

stop writing "ay, ya sure ya got shit handled, fam'? bro, i 'aint no fool, i gots that dog n' me."

ESPECIALLY BC JAZZ HAS NEVER. SPOKEN LIKE THAT ANYWAY.

sincerely, a (very) frustrated black person.

[domoriu]

hi i’m a new reader here and i love ur fics sm !! ^_^ u can call me 🥐 if it isn’t already taken btw haha :p i’m on riwoo brainrot recently and i love the way u “characterise” bnd if that make sense? basically i love the way u write sm!! u’ve inspired me to write again hehe i was on a huge writer’s block

btw what r ur stances on the riize boycott? although you’ve made it very clear on ur acct but i’ve seen some people wanting to boycott other sm groups as well. to be honest i only like boynextdoor when it comes to boygroups but i will be wholeheartedly boycotting riize and their management in justice for seunghan because he rlly doesn’t deserve this :( the korean entertainment industry is so fucked man. i’m not a big riize fan nor do i stan them but i really want to respect seunghan w the things he’s gone through for absolutely no reason! no fan should be gotham-level violent over ur idol having a gf predebut! sorry i went on a tangent but i wanted to know what ur thoughts are on boycotting the other sm groups as well… i’m an aespa ult and they’re having a comeback soon but the guilt conscience is still there even though i’m boycotting riize… sorry if i sound mean but it’s a genuine question!! 😢 i hope seunghan’s ok and i hope you’re ok as well!

anyways all love, if 🥐 is taken i can be 🧀 cuz i love cheese :pp

hi love !!! thank you !! i also got your other asks so ill put you down as 🧀 anon welcome 😊

for my stance on the boycott besides the very obvious that im partaking in it LOL im boycotting sm all together !! it does really suck bc all my ult groups are under sm unfortunately and i do wanna support aespas cb but i will be streaming off a third party music source !! honestly i feel like for me boycotting isnt that bad because i listen to so much music, and i know i can just listen somewhere where streams aren’t counted. i was talking to my friend about it and how we think that ppl make not listening to a kpop group seem impossible when theres plenty of other music to listen to and if ur not a strict kpop listener then it shouldn’t be that challenging. but to each their own !! i was/am a big orbit and i was very quick to boycott loona… i still stream their songs off musi and thats where i was listening to riize from for the past 10 months (i cant even listen to them anymore without feeling depressed, but i also wasnt a big listener to riize music regardless of the boycott)

only thing im off about is that i planned on buying aespa tickets so im not really sure how tour ticket sales are gonna work if i buy one… since most them are resale they’re technically already bought ?? idk

[junkissed]

oh thaaaat ask... yeah i recall now hehehe i'm weirdly honored that i have a brand.. also i think i sent u an ask or two that i didn't sign off cause i was worried you'd get tired of me shshfbf so i honestly have no idea what i've sent u... anyways i can't stop thinking of brutal mean brat tamer hao suddenly switching it up one day when you brat at him and he goes "oh, i'm not tying you up because i trust you to be well behaved ^_^ you're so good, baby, i love you so much ^_^" and it surprises u so much that you actually do behave ... and maybe also slip into subspace 💤

SCREAMS OH MY GOD... switch!hao but instead of switching roles or positions it's him switching from hard dom to soft dom. like the contrast is so stark from how he is normally that even though it could be the most vanilla missionary in the world, it feels just as intense as the nights where he's got you tied to the bed with a vibrator and nipple clamps on you. they're both extremes but they're so different from each other that they're both equally pleasurable. extremes in a good way yk 🫠 and both times you just get to sit there and let him take care of you, whether it's punishment for being a brat or praise for being oh so well behaved for him

[battinscn]

I COULD NEVER NOT LOVE YOU — theodore nott x f! slytherin! reader

CONTENT WARNING: none, does mentioning sex need a warning??

SUMMARY: theodore nott is a self sabotaging selfish bastard. he jumps to conclusions too quickly and is too hot headed for his own good. you never thought you would ever be one to experience it first hand. yet, despite it all, you could never find it in you to truly hate him.

A/N: i vanished off the face of the planet and here i am back again. i was already planning to write a fic like this when i looked through my ask box and found this request. it doesn’t follow it exactly to a t, but i hope this is a good read nevertheless. also, i felt like it’s important for me to say that i always write my reader with as few physical attributes as possible. growing up, most books i read were of white females and it didn’t make me feel represented. as such, i try to be as inclusive as possible, and sometimes write taboo topics as well. anyway, tangent aside, if ur seeing this, i love u and u matter.

*not proofread cus im lazy but i’ll do it soon

WC/ AVG. READING TIME: 4562 words/ 23 minutes

return to the theodore masterlist here

YOU COULD ALMOST feel a pair of eyes on you as you woke up that morning. peeking an eye open, you realised you were right.

‘hey, handsome,” you grinned cheekily and theodore, who was looking at you with a glint in his eyes, supporting his body by resting on his elbow, gave you a soft smile in reply.

you shifted between the sheets and turned your body to the side to have a better look at him, propping yourself up in your elbow like he had and resting your head on your hand.

“staring, aren’t we?” you teased him.

theodore groaned as you noticed the tip of his ears go red. he buried his face between the crook of your neck to hide his blush.

you had slept over in his dorm room after last night’s activities since only you could visit his dorm and not the other way round.

ever since you and theodore started shagging as ‘just friends’, you had created a list of rules of sorts to prevent any conflicts from rising between your purely sexual relationship.

you and theodore had been close friends for years and you didn’t want anything to jeopardise that.

however, there was once when you were far too tired to make the trek back to your dorm and just slept over out of convenience. but one night led to another and here the both of you were, saying a big fuck all to the stupid rules you created months ago.

theodore picked his head up from your neck, “hey, doll?”

“hmm?” you hummed.

“d’you want to stop seeing other people for a while,” theodore suggested, a look of anxiousness on his face.

“yea?” you raised an eyebrow, the smile on your face relieving some of theodore’s nerves.

“yea,” he whispered lowly.

his eyes trailed from the hairs framing your face down to your chapped lips.

“okay,” you replied in a whisper as well, not wanting to ruin the peacefulness that had settled in the dorm room.

you jut your lips out as a silent request for a kiss and theodore met you in the middle. it wasn’t lustful like the kisses the previous night had been.

the kiss was sweet and you never wanted it to end. however, it was quickly short-lived when you were interrupted by the door of the dorm swinging open.

in walked in adrian pucey, a towel around his bare torso and his hair damp, presumably from the shower he had just returned from.

and yea, sure theodore was well fit, but adrian pucey was absolutely ripped.

your eyes naturally scanned adrian’s body as he walked into the dorm room, shutting the door behind him.

theodore immediately noticed this and placed his hands over your eyes, “oi! pucey! put a bloody shirt on would ya?”

adrian rolled his eyes with a knowing smirk and waved theodore off, putting his uniform on.

“bloody knob,” theodore muttered under his breath which resulted in you letting out a chuckle, knowing that theodore and adrian were best mates and this was just the way they were.

you grabbed onto theodore’s wrist and pulled his hands away from your eyes, kissing his palm as you did.

“pucey’s ugly anyway, you’re better looking,” you assured him in a teasing manner.

“hey!” adrian picked his head up from his crouching position where he had been going through his trunk for his textbooks for the day.

“the missus had spoken, sorry pucey,” theodore flipped adrian from across the room.

“alright, i best be off now. i’ll see you in the dining hall?” you swung your legs over theodore’s twin bed and slipped on your shoes.

theodore nodded his head and walked you to the door, his hand on the small of your back.

“bye,” you said, pressing a kiss to his lips before making your way towards to steps that led to the common room.

theodore shut the door with a dopey smile on his face.

“awh mate, you are pussy whipped,” adrian shook his head, which earned him a pillow to the face.

that was thursday and it was now saturday. you were having breakfast with theodore and adrian in the great hall.

“doll, d’you want to go to hogsmeade later?” theodore asked.

“oh…no thank you, i’ve got arithmancy homework to catch up on,” you shook your head sorrily.

“that’s alright,” he kissed the side of your head and kicked adrian under the table to get his attention, “butterbeer later?”

“nah, i’ve got detention with snape. you could ask bletchley and them lot?” adrian suggested and theodore agreed, deciding he would check in with the rest of the quidditch members if they wanted to visit the three broomsticks together.

miles, theodore, terry, and graham downed their drinks and chatted about school and whatnot.

“hey, you lot mind if we go to spintwiches? i need new gloves,” miles asked the table and the other three boys agreed.

the four boys made their way to spintwiches and walked through the aisles. they paid for their shopping respectively and began the walk back to the assembly area to take the carriage back to the castle.

“ah shit, i left my wand spintwiches,” theodore patted his pockets and realised that he had left it by the till of the shop, “you guys go ahead, i’ll hurry back and go get it.”

when theodore was walking towards the sporting goods shop when he saw you through the windows.

you were talking animatedly to someone. he was confused at first as to why you were in hogsmeade considering how you said you were busy but he brushed it off as you having finished your homework early.

he smiled to himself as he saw you throw your head back in a laugh, thinking how that must be the most adorable sight he has ever laid his eyes upon.

as he walked down the cobbled pavement closer to the shop, he realised that the person you were talking to was none other than adrian.

he saw you hold adrian’s hands in yours before dropping it and flinging your arms around his neck to pull him into a tight hug.

at your affection towards his best mate, all theodore saw was red. he couldn’t believe his eyes.

he could almost scoff at how the two people he cared most about the world would betray his trust like that.

never would he have thought that you would go behind his back and fuck around with his best mate of all people.

and never would he have thought that adrian, his friend of seven years, would go about and mess with the only girl he had ever felt this deeply for.

you and theodore had even agreed to stop seeing other people this morning.

theodore’s jaw ticked as anger and hurt surged through his veins.

fuck you. and fuck adrian pucey.

if only theodore had stepped into the actual shop, where he would have found out that you were actually talking to two people, and not just one. the other person you had been talking to was not visible as they had been standing behind a stack of boxes by the front windows.

theodore’s birthday was tomorrow and you were stumped on what to get him.

you then remembered that he had been complaining about how he was sick of using the school-issued brooms.

as such, you decided that you would gift him his own broom for his birthday.

but if you wanted it to be a surprise, you couldn’t get it if you were out with him. thus, you had to come with with a half-arse excuse on why you couldn’t visit hogsmeade with him that saturday.

you left the castle and hopped onto one of the last few carriages leaving hogwarts, less you run into him and ruin your planned surprise since most of the students would have returned to the castle by now.

you discreetly made the way to spintwiches and whilst paying for the broom and discussed with mr turner, the owner of the shop, how you wished for the broom to be wrapped, the bell that was attached the the entrance chimed.

you and mr turner turned your heads towards the entrance and you saw adrian and charlotte walk in, hand in hand.

“hi!” you waved to the couple and walked towards them.

charlotte, adrian’s girlfriend of almost two years now, was in hufflepuff. they both had the mutual decision to keep their relationship to themselves to save the hassle of the backlash they knew they would receive for their interhouse relationship. especially since how both of them were on their house’s quidditch teams.

in fact, you weren’t even supposed to find out. you had been doing your prefect rounds for the night when you had caught them in a very languid kiss by the courtyard. the couple trusted you in keeping their secret and you were honoured to be the only person who knew.

you kept that secret with your whole heart, not even telling theodore.

“hiya y/n,” charlotte waved back.

the couple told you that they too, had caught the last few carriages since they knew that was when hogsmeade was the least busiest. charlotte was due of new quidditch socks and that was why they found themselves in spintwiches.

you then told them how you were purchasing theodore’s birthday gift, hence why you had lied about not being able to visit hogsmeade with him today.

“we’ve been together for ages and never once have you gotten me a broom. i would look good on a firebolt wouldn’t i?” adrian teased charlotte.

rolling her eyes, charlotte whacked theodore in the back of his head.

you threw you head back as you laughed at the interaction.

as charlotte placed her hand back towards her sides, you noticed the glittering of a ring on her finger.

“no…” your jaw dropped as you quickly grabbed charlotte’s hand, inspecting the diamond ring.

“no fucking way…” you dropped charlotte’s hand and picked adrian’s up to look at the silver band on his left hand.

“you guys!” you squealed and flung your arms around adrian’s neck hugging him tightly. after letting go, you turned to charlotte to give her an equally loving hug.

“oh my god!” you squealed once more for good measure, “when did this happen?”

you and charlotte chatted all the way back to the castle, you forcing her to tell you everything about how adrian proposed and how they planned on hacing their wedding in december after you graduated in june. poor adrian was stuck lugging both of your shopping as he trailed behind you two.

theodore wasn’t anywhere to be found during dinner and you were utterly confused.

but as you scanned the rest of the slytherin table, you realised that none of the boys theodore had gone to hogsmeade with were at dinner either.

you guessed that they have gone for some extra quidditch practice, since it was not uncommon for them to do so.

you walked back to the dorms with your friends hoping to catch theodore on the way back or in his dorm room.

much to your dismay, even when you had briskly walked past the empty quidditch pitch and knocked on his dorm door only to have graham tell you that they hadn’t seen theodore since he separated from them at hogsmeade, you still had not found theodore.

it was getting rather late and you decided to turn it for the night so you could wake up early tomorrow and surprise theodore with his birthday gift.

you woke up on theodore’s birthday bright and early, freshly showered and dressed with the handwritten card in one hand and the nicely wrapped broom in the other.

you knocked on theodore’s dorm door excitedly and was greeted by montague.

“y/n?” graham furrowed his brows and the greeting sounded more like a question than a statement, “aren’t you there..?” the brunette pointed to theodore’s bed.

you were too excited and barged into the room that you hadn’t registered what graham had said.

the commotion had woken theodore up, he rubbed at his eyes and leaned against his headboard. his sudden movement caused the y/h/c girl laying next to him to shift awake as well.

the moment your eyes laid upon the disheveled girl in theodore’s bed who was definitely not you, you dropped the gift and card onto the floor the wind knocked out of you.

your lip quivered and hot tears filled your eyes, “what the fuck, theodore?”

theodore frowned at you and stood up from his bed, a scoff leaving his lips.

“you don’t get to fucking cry and throw a pity party y/n. you were the one who was fucking around with pucey behind my back first. fucking slut.” theodore spat with more hatred laced in his voice than you had ever heard.

not once had he spoken to you in this manner and it felt like lacerations burning onto your skin as you were put on the back end of his tone.

“w-what are you talking about?” you croaked.

“don’t play coy, doll,” the usage of the pet name would’ve made butterflies erupt in your belly if it weren’t for the sarcasm in theodore voice, “i saw you with pucey at spintwiches yesterday after you lied to my fucking face. do you take me as some type of joke? am i stupid to you?”

“what? adrian and i-we aren’t-” you spluttered, trying to explain what really happened but you didn’t want to out charlotte and adrian, it wasn’t your place to do so.

“fuck off y/n. fuck you.” theodore sneered.

your eyes drifted to the girl in theodore’s bed as she let out a loud laugh at theodore’s words.

you dashed out of theodore’s dorm in a heap of tears.

adrian, who was leaning against the open door frame had witnessed the whole interaction.

“mate, what the fuck? adrian shoved theodore in the shoulder.

“fuck you pucey,” theodore went in for a punch when adrian quickly stopped it, since he was physically bigger than theodore after all.

theodore struggled against adrian’s grip but he was far weaker to break out of it.

“you done?” adrian glared and when theodore was too tired to resist, pucey pushed theodore back onto his bed so that he was sitting on the edge of it.

adrian snapped his fingers at the girl who was still laying amongst the green accented sheets, “out,” he demanded, pointing towards to door.

adrian was usually a respectful gentleman. but he was so annoyed at the way theodore had berated you that the girl that theodore had shagged last night was the last thing on his mind.

“you’re a dickhead, you know that?” adrian scolded as he dug through his nightstand and pulled out what he was looking for.

“yesterday, my fiancée and i were at hogsmeade when we ran into y/n and spintwiches. she was congratulating us.” adrian held the wedding band in front of theodore’s face, “y/n was the only person who knew about charlotte and i and she did a damn well job keeping the secret for our sake.”

“y/n was there trying to get you a broom to surprise you today with. but you were too far in your head being a grade a asshole and made a stupid assumption.” adrian shook his head disappointedly, “i don’t even know who you are anymore.”

adrian threw on his jumper and left the dorm, making the effort to slam the door behind him.

“oh, lovey,” charlotte consoled you and ran her hands down your hair soothingly.

you had been running through the corridors when charlotte had spotted your red eyes and hunched figure. she pulled you into a more secluded corner of the corridor.

in broken sobs and a heaving chest, you explained what had happened with theodore.

you felt like your heart had been torn out of your body and stomped on.

you thought that theodore would have trusted you enough to not jump to conclusions that quickly. not only that, he had betrayed you trust.

you didn't think you could ever forgive theodore for what he had done.

the next few days, charlotte and adrian took turns looking out for you since they didn't want to be seen together.

theodore had been harassing your dorm mates and your slytherin friends but you had begged them not to tell him of your whereabouts. luckily, they were more trustworthy than theodore by the tenfold.

you also hadn't returned to the slytherin common room to prevent running into theodore. since most of the students in your year were either gryffindor or slytherin, it meant that charlotte's dorm had multiple unoccupied beds.

the hufflepuffs didn't seem to mind your presence in the hufflepuff commons either. damn their naturally good-hearts.

she had nicely offered you a space in her dorm which you accepted with no hesitation. your dorm mates had kindly packed your things for you so you had clothes to change into and the proper books for your lessons.

the hardest part of avoiding theodore was during lessons. luckily, theodore was not in most of the classes you had chose to taken, save for potions and charms since they were the two most common subjects.

you would purposefully enter the classroom a few seconds before the class started to prevent theodore from trying to talk to you. and once you were dismissed by the professor, you would stuff your books and parchment in your book bag and rush out the classroom where adrian or charlotte would already be waiting for you.

despite your fruitful attempts, there was once when adrian was held back while in transfiguration by mcgonagall and you had to walk to your next class alone.

you ducked your head and weaved through the crowded corridor of students when you felt someone tug on you wrist, halting your movements.

"y/n, please," the familiar voice begged.

you let out a sigh and turned around, trying to pull your wrist out of theodore's grip.

your eyes were averting his gaze as best as you could, theodore's askew tie suddenly the most fascinating thing in the world. the last thing you wanted was to look into theodore's hazel eyes.

truthfully, that was the reason why you had been avoiding him like the plague. you knew that just once look into his soft eyes that you would forgive him in a heartbeat.

you had always harboured feelings for theodore since you had first became friends in first year but he was such a close friend that you always dismissed it as just a schoolgirl fancy.

becoming friends with benefits with theodore allowed you to connect with him in the most intimate way humanly possible. you got to see a different side of the brunette that you had never seen before.

and fuck, you found yourself slowly falling for him on a deeper level.

"i'm sorry, i'm so fucking sorry. i didn't mean what i said, what i did i just-"

"stop, just...stop," you cut him off before you could continue. the tremor in your voice was enough for theodore to let go of your wrist and reluctantly let you walk away from him.

the last time theodore attempted to talk to you was a week ago when you had walked away from him and he willingly let you.

he was losing sleep over the guilt that was festering in his soul.

theodore hadn't opened the present you had gifted him nor had he read the handwritten card. he just couldn't bring himself to.

theodore sat on the edge of his bed leaning forward with his forearms resting on his knees, the card you had written in his hands.

with a deep inhale, theodore opened the card and read your neat penmanship that littered the inside.

if there was anything theodore did not do, was cry. theodore nott was not a crier. he never cried. in fact, not counting when he was an infant, theodore nott had only cried twice in his life.

once, when his mother had passed in his fourth year and the time he fell down the steps in his home and landed on his tailbone. (not that he would ever admit to anyone that he cried after falling on his bum)

and despite theodore nott's seemingly inability to express his emotions through tears, here he was, crying like a little bitch over your card.

he cried over the guilt of it all. he cried over how you were the most perfect thing in his life and he had let you slipped through his fingers.

it was evident that you had poured your heart in the card, your words as sweet as the kisses you would wake him up with. your words filled with as much passion you put into everything you do.

in his world full of chaos, other than adrian, you were his stagnant. not once in the seven years you had been friends had you ever done anything to theodore for him to think otherwise.

theodore had no idea what made him jump to the conclusion that you had been seeing adrian behind his back. maybe it was feeding into the insecurity that everything good in his life would always come to an end (his mother's death was what started it), not that that was an excuse for his actions.

if he could take back what he had said to you and never slept with what's-her-name, he would in an instant. the heartbroken and crestfallen expression on your face during that morning on his birthday was enough to haunt him for the rest of his life.

sure it was selfish for him to want to earn your forgiveness, but theodore nott was a selfish bastard through and through.

that was how he found himself by the hufflepuff common rooms, knowing that was where you had been staying.

"y/n!"

you had heard someone shout for your name from the inside of charlotte's dorm. at first, you had thought you were hearing things. but after the third of fourth yell, you stepped out of the dorm to see what was going on.

there theodore nott was, in all his stupid, dumb, handsome, glory, trying to tumble up the stairs towards the female hufflepuff dorms.

each time theodore managed to barrel up the third step, the stairs turned into a slide and he would slip back into the common area.

the ruckus of his actions were clearly bothering the other hufflepuffs that were trying to study. as much as they were trying to hide their annoyance towards you, it was clear that they were starting to regret ever letting you enter their common room.

wanting to save yourself from being exiled from the hufflepuffs, you skipped down the steps two at a time and pulled on the hood of theodore's cloak.

"what it wrong with you?" you shoved theodore in the shoulder harshly.

"i'm sorry y/n, i'm so sorry. i fucked up, i'm sorry. shit, i-i love you."

"what?" you stared at him in disbelief.

"i love you, y/n. i should've never done what i did. i was an asshole to you and fucked it up like always. i love you so much.”

“i hate you,” you shoved him in the chest once, twice, and a third time for good measure.

“i hate you, i hate you, i hate you,” tears brimmed your eyes at theodore’s confession as you barrelled your fists into his chest.

theodore, being much stronger than you, barely flinched at your actions, “i know my love, i know. i’m sorry, i’m so sorry, i’ll never do it again.”

your punches became weaker as you sobbed, crumbling in theodore’s arms as he held you by your forearms.

“y-you can’t just say you love me and make everything o-okay.” you hiccuped, tears damping theodore’s tie and shirt.

“i know, my love.” theodore pulled you further into his chest, one hand wrapped around your shoulders while the other cradled the back of your head.

“i hate you. i h-hate that i love you. i hate that…that even after what you said—w-what you did, that i still love you.”

theodore kissed the crown of your head as he let your sobs subside, guiding you to sit on one of the benches by the elves’ quarters.

he kneeled down in front of you in between your legs, holding your cold hands in his.

“i’ll do anything to make it up to you, to show you that you mean so much to me—because you do. you mean the absolute world to me. i know we said months ago that we could see other people but there hasn’t been anyone else-”

you frowned, about to pull your hands away because no, there has been someone else. that girl you had caught him in bed with the morning of his birthday. theodore noticed you apprehension and held onto your hand tighter, but not tight enough to hurt.

“o-other than her. but it’s always been you, y/n. it will always be you. i’ll do anything, i swear. anything…” he trailed off, almost in a beg, kissing the back of your knuckles delicately.

“i didn’t like the way you made me feel that morning. i never want to feel that type of hurt anymore.”

“and you never will, i promise you. i’ll treat you like a goddess.” theodore rambled, relieved by the insinuation that you would let him into your life again.

“i don’t need to be treated like a goddess, theodore. i just want to be treated that way i deserve.” you corrected him.

“you deserve the world and i’ll do everything i can go make sure i do.” theodore affirmed.

all your resolve had dissipated as you stared into his warm eyes filled with so much love.

you nodded and thought about what you wanted to say before settling on “but we can’t just pick up where we left off. we start right at the beginning, friends first.”

“friends first.”

read y/n's card to theodore here

A/N: so…what do we think? i was so tempted to leave this angsty but i couldn’t do that to you guys.

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