#ANY autistic person is deserving of help and a happy life

[little-periwinkle]

Ya know

Someone once told me

“You’re not autistic, you just relate with it”

That person KNOWS I have ADHD and ADHD and Autism CAN overlap

If I relate to other people, simply autistic or both Audhd… what does that say about my experiences…?

[mogamuncher]

An exhaustive headcanon post about Bruce Wayne's unhealthy mentality.

trigger warning for: mentions C-PTSD, Survivor's Guilt, shitty dietary habits, insomnia, self-ableism, masking, workaholism, somewhat shady parenting, technically self-harm, and passive suicidal ideation.

Ok, so:

•Bruce def feels like he has to earn things. Like affection, respect, or just any form of a good thing happening to him.

•He earns his life, or so he says, but it's more like he's trying to earn the right to be alive, which is a wild thing to believe.

•Bruce is autistic as all hell, right? Diagnosed and everything, his parents used to pay for private treatment since the mental health system in Gotham is so ass. Well, after they died, Bruce just, doesn't do any of that anymore, he avoids therapists or psychologists like the plague, even ones outside of Arkham. He has a whole lot of Other Things™ outside of autism now, but he still refuses to go get proper help.

•Similarly, Bruce would rather die than to actually mention it to anyone. Like, yeah, as Brucie Wayne he's definitely masking hard (to the point where it's kinda upsetting and he gets overwhelmed), but like, he also doesn't tell shit to the whole rest of the Batfam, or the Justice League. The only person that knows that Bruce is autistic AND just generally mentally ill/traumatized, is fucking Alfred.

•This causes people to misunderstand him a lot, but part of him feels like that's more "deserved". Like, he thinks that he'd hate to be judged by his mental illness because he he dislikes the idea of his actions being justified retroactively of excused by his illnesses, not being self-aware enough to notice that this horrifically heightened sense of hyper-responsability about just fucking everything in his life is itself, a trauma response. Also, he's the world's biggest hypocrite, who famously believes that other rogues and people like Jason Todd need to be helped instead of killed or put down, going directly against his own attitude towards himself.

•He genuinely believes that whole "[insert mental illness here] is not an excuse to [insert a behavior or symptom of aforementioned mental illness here]", but like, only towards himself. To everyone else he rightfully thinks that stuff is bullshit.

•Bruce puts himself up to some crazy standards, actually. He works non-stop as both Brucie, Bruce, and Batman, always doing something, unable to stay still or even sleep. He skips meals, neglects his well-being, he puts everything on the line and expects himself to do it everyday, every hour, without fail, every single time.

•His kids think that he's neurotic, they're kinda right, the Justice League think he's too paranoid, they're right too, Gotham city thinks he's a saviour, it's true, the rogues think he's a monster, that's fair as well. Alfred? He just thinks Bruce is hurt, he's the most right of all.

•Part of this is a form of punishment, atonement for being alive, for surviving that fateful night when his parents didn't, for daring to go on with life when they're both sixteen feet under, for having the audacity to raise a family, the gall of having friends, the sheer nerve to even consider having a romantic relationship, when his parents couldn't even hug him. Not anymore. He's here, not them.

•And it kills him, because he saw it, saw them die, saw them gurgle on their own blood and sat with their bodies until the police arrived, this is what led him to become Batman, to mask as Brucie, to guide so many young people away from being like him as Bruce. So how dare he, how dare he be happy when they died? How dare he forget that alley, for even a second? How could he? Didn't he love them? Didn't he make a promise to live out the rest of his life in a mission to prevent events like this?

•It's like he's in a toxic relationship with two corpses, they're cold and their eyes follow him, he's hollow and blind to anything but them. Part of him would love to argue that his parents, Thomas and Martha Wayne themselves, would prefer to see him happy and fulfilled. Another part of him remembers gunshots, blood spatter, and the sound of choked gurgling, and Bruce spirals all over again.

•Perhaps he's waiting for this life for kill him, finish the job that gun didn't do years ago, kill him like his parents, hurt him so deeply he can't recover, destroy him until he's repented for being so inherently horrible. Because he is, he knows he is, he's neurotic, paranoid, a saviour complex having monster, this is what he aimed for, he seeked out this outcome, just waiting to be put down like those before him.

•He's passionate about his cause, sure, but that's surface level. The front used to keep the image of an asshole neurotic paranoid man that has a saviour complex, instead of exposing the truth behind himself. Who he really is.

•A child, that's who he is, a kid reliving his worst bad day over and over and over again.

•He earns his life, he'd earned this.

[minniiaa]

another lawlu hc related to that: law has sensory issues with eating sometimes because of his autism and it makes him internally scream and go to an empty room to cry. luffy realizes law has been giving him too much of his food recently. after finding out why, luffy gives him all the comfort and love he deserves and it causes law to eat a little more 🥹💜 (this sadly happens to me in real life as an autistic person. I NEED A SPOUSE LIKE LUFFY AAAAAH)

Yes! This is actually so sweet. Law's autism could totally explain his very particular eating habits. You inspired me to write the below headcanon based on this. I have had people in my life who are autistic but I do have it myself so I hope I could do the experience justice in the context of Law and his personality. I just love the idea of Luffy finding out and making sure Law gets whatever he needs because he's the best partner anyone could ask for <3

Law is very self-conscious when it comes to his eating habits, as he is with most of his peculiarities and it's nearly impossible for him to bring himself to ask to be accommodated when others are cooking even though he knows people will do so even when he doesn't tell them why. He accidentally blurted out that he doesn't like bread and ever since then Sanji has always made him his own special dish whenever he is serving bread dishes to the others. He appreciates Sanji's understanding but he feels like a burden for making him create something entirely different just for him.

Law's food preferences don't just end with bread though, and he can't just refuse to eat what he's being served, that would be rude. Luckily, he has a very hungry partner who is always eyeing up his plate for scraps so he can generally just give him the things he doesn't like but recently it's been getting worse to the point that Law is barely eating because his sensory issues have become overwhelming.

Law thinks he's pretty slick but Luffy knows him better than he knows himself most of the time and one day, he confronts him. Luffy asks Law if he's okay and why he hasn't been eating virtually any of his food recently. He tries to play it off by saying he just hasn't been hungry but Luffy calls out the fact that his stomach has been growling and he's clearly hungry. He demands Law to tell him what's going on and if he's sick, he'll figure out how to make him better. Law, knowing he can't get out of this without telling Luffy the truth, explains that he has a condition where specific food textures make him feel extremely uncomfortable and he can't eat them without feeling like he's going to either throw up or explode.

Much to Law's relief, Luffy immediately understands. "That's okay, everyone is different, Torao! You should have told me before so I can make sure you get all the yummy food you like! Now, tell me all the things that make you feel gross and I'll make sure you never have to eat them again. Food is the best thing in the world and you need to eat so you can be nice and strong!" he says and Law has to hold back his tears. He's been struggling with this for so long and he's always been afraid to tell people because he doesn't want them to judge him and just assume he's annoying when he can't help it.

He's not sure why he didn't just tell Luffy this before, he's not the best at expressing himself. Emotions and connecting with others are hard for him. He's already so much of a burden on Luffy as it is even though Luffy constantly reassures him that he loves him, he's never a burden, and he just wants him to be happy.

After that day, Luffy makes sure that Law's plate never has anything he doesn't like on it. If anyone dares to call Law 'picky' he yells at them and advises that Law is artistic (Law has corrected him and told him it's autistic but he doesn't seem to listen) and he can't help it and that he'll beat them up if they make fun of his Torao. Law wonders every single day what he did to deserve such a loving and understanding partner who goes out of his way to make Law's life easier in whatever way he can.

[solusprime987]

I was supposed to do this weeks ago so i apologise for the delay but i finally got a chance to write the post about Medix and how his autism is portrayed in Rescue bots academy, I apologise If this post doesn't make much sense or if the grammer is poor since I'm very tired but I wanted to rant about this adorable lil medic so much that sleep came second lol

In season 1 episode 30 when wedge rejects wess's offer to help him and makes him sad Medix literally pulls out a datapad with different emotions and presumably descriptions of said emotions, I loved this moment! Not only did it subvert the trope of the autistic coded character saying something insensitive for "humour" but it also showed something I've never seen in a show before, an autistic character using something to help them in a situation they don't know how to deal with, most shows I've seen have either had the character say something insensitive, say something rude or just not care when someone around them is upset

Obviously this isn't accurate to autistic people at all, we might not realise at first that someone is upset around us due to not understanding social cues but when we do realise we want so badly to help and make the person feel better but we just don't know how particularly if we don't know that person, So to see Medix, a character who's been shown to not understand emotions or social cues, use something to help him work around this instead of the show depicting him as rude, unfeeling or faulty made me feel incredibly happy and represented seeing as I'm also an autistic person who uses a variety of items to help me function in this world ( I also really wish that I had an ipad that told me how someone was feeling lol)

As well as this, the show also does a brilliant job of showing how the despite the other students not understanding Medix they are willing to learn and apologise when they realise they've upset him as seen in season 1 episode 35 Life of the party when they refer to him as a "stick in the mud" and in the season 1 episode "Suprise, Medix!" Where they assume his dislike of surprises can be changed by throwing him a suprise however by the end of the episode the other recruits realise their mistake and apologise, compared to other shows where the other characters borderline hate the autistic character just for existing this is a breathe of fresh air and wonderful to see.

As well as everything I mentioned previously I also want to gush about Medix and his love of animals, this aspect of his character is especially relatable for me and I'm sure many other autistics as well, This being that Medix understands and bonds with animals much easier then he does other bots or people, I love seeing an autistic character be depicted as loving and caring towards animals because that's often how it is in real life obviously i don't speak for all autistic people but for me personally I've always been able to connect with and understand animals better then people so I adore this part of Medix's character plus every interaction he has with animals is adorable to watch

In other words I love and relate a lot to Medix and I think he's one of the best autistic characters that I've ever had the joy of watching and he truly deserves more appreciation and love in this fandom along with Chase who is the next character I'll be doing a post on and it'll probably be much longer then this post because as much as I love Rescue bots academy it doesn't hold a candle to Rescue bots which I absolutely adore more then any Transformers media with the exception of MTMTE

[starlightseraph]

i, in a moment of weakness, unblocked one of the major rpf bloggers just to see how they would turn the sweet, loving smiles and pictures of the olivier awards into some intricate web of secret relationships and abusive partners, and i was not disappointed.

i think the months during which tumblr was flooding my dash with an endless stream of these posts (despite my attempts at blocking) had desensitised me to all of the genuinely awful things that get posted. i thought it was weird and gross, but i’d lost sight of just how completely tinfoil hat insane it is.

case and point:

HUH? what??

that is not what this looks like to any reasonable person. what it does look like is a conversation between them, during which georgia signals (with some urgency) that another person is trying to make it through behind them. she gestures that they need to move, and david notices. anna, facing the aisle, sees this person clearly, and tries to guide michael out of their way. michael, not quite sure where the person is, backs up first, before realising that he blocked their way more.

there. what the rpf people seem to think is michael’s agitation really only looks like he’s trying to move out of someone’s way, without being able to see them, while in the middle of a conversation. i do that head-to-one-side-then-to-the-other move whenever i’m in that situation. idk how they got “recoiling” from anna. georgia is clearly pointing to people, not desperately flapping around to get david’s attention.

i’ve watched this video several times. to form my initial opinion, to screen record, and to clip the recording. i looked out for specific instances the rpf blog mentioned, including a barely there “slap” of georgia’s hand in the first fraction of a second of the video, and i see nothing but perfectly normal body language for people standing in an aisle in a crowded room. you can quite literally see her hand formed into a pointing position, with one finger towards the group and another directing towards the isle. like it’s literally right there in the video, she’s pointing.

and here, a lovely group photo. except…

am i genuinely losing my ability to read people??because they look fine. not like they’re the most comfortable and free they’ve ever been, but they are at a crowded, televised awards show and they probably have limited time to take photos. ughhggg

then, this:

for the first screenshot, there’s a third distinct possibility: she’s poking fun at him. do these people really not understand banter in a relationship?? i would happily post about my loved ones or see them post about me with a “don’t encourage them” joke. playful annoyance and insults are super healthy, and from the way david sticks to his point in the video from georgia’s story, i’d guess he’s responding in a “watch me” way. as long as no one feels undervalued, which david’s firing back would suggest he doesn’t, it’s fine.

for the second: i cannot even imagine what would possess someone to edit a happy photo of a husband and wife, remove the wife, and edit in someone else. it has the same vibe of obsessed teenagers sticking cutouts of their own faces over photos of band members. especially with the blog’s caption, it feels like they’re implying that georgia is an annoyance or dead weight in david’s public life. she’s his wife, she deserves to be with him publicly whenever they want.

at the very least, find some real pictures of david and michael together to use as fuel for this dumpster fire.

the aforementioned rpf blog that i unblocked has spoken many times about how she’s autistic and can have trouble interpreting nonverbal cues. i can’t help but wonder if these analysis posts are, to some extent, an overcompensation, overlooking the simple explanation in favour of something complex. or maybe these people don’t have a good frame of reference for normal relationships, or they’ve spent so much time in an online echo chamber, originally spurned by some tiny notion, that they’ve forgotten how real people interact.

i’m neurodivergent myself (though not the more commonly recognised autism or adhd; i have other conditions that fall under neurodivergence). the result is that i’m hyper vigilant and often paranoid. in middle school, people would call me sherlock because i’d notice things that let me predict behaviour or work out the details of a person’s recent activities by looking at them. i’ve always found it very easy to read people and situations, and, from experience, i’m almost always right. i’ve never tried to do this, it just kind of happens subconsciously, and has for all my life. i generally don’t talk about these observations because i’ve creeped people out more than a few times by offering pens before they’ve realised they’ve lost theirs or dodging objects while facing another direction. but here i feel my observations can hold value coming from someone who has no trouble interpreting social interactions and with high situational awareness.

i really am just baffled by the insanity of all of this. “reaching” and “doing too much” come to mind. if david and georgia and anna and michael wanted us to know or say something, they would tell us. explicitly. if they really wanted people to think something, they would actually portray themselves that way, and not in a secret, can’t-hide-their-true-feelings way.

i’ve sighed so many times while writing this.

i’m actually quite proud of myself for going this long without unblocking them; when i see something i consider to be a batshit train wreck, i find it very hard to look away and i’ve gotten sucked into hate-reading many things in the past. not that i hate these blogs (although i do find their behaviour unacceptable and very confusing), but that’s the best descriptor i could come up with lol

anyways, all i really want is for the four of them to be happy and free from the amateur tmz reporters. ideally, this stuff will never reach them or have any impact on their lives, but it could, and that’s the most concerning thing to me. even if they are unhappy, i can’t imagine that seeing strangers saying that their misery is so obvious would be any less than horrible.

such brazen speculation is disrespectful to them, their privacy, and their agency to make good personal choices and share information responsibly. if they don’t tell us, they don’t want us to know, and it’s really as simple as that.

[alientater]

I have so much to say about s3 of bridgerton so I’m dumping it all into one post. Take my dumbass opinions as a writer for what you will 😂

- first foremost thank you my QUEEN Nicola for your confidence and courage (I am no better than a man 👀). I feel like this whole season was a reminder for me, through both Pen and Colin that bodies that look like my own (Pens) deserve love. I can’t even begin to tell yall how much watching people swoon over her body specifically has made me 🥹 blush because my own looks so much like hers.

- I absolutely adored how devoted Colin was to Pen. Watching him realize his love for her in all her forms, with all her flaws was absolutely adorable and wonderful and beautiful, and it, in its own way, comforted me that the more masculine side of my self can be the romantic, the devoted, the loving person that I am as well. Both his little speech in the carriage and his love confession at the end are now living rent free in my brain.

- I know many people think they should have cut some of Benedict’s scenes but I’m against that opinion. I ADORED his character development this season, and I think it served well as a break in the tension of the plot. you will NEVER catch me unhappy to see a bisexual king living his best and horniest life.

- I’m so glad Pen got to keep her Column. The books end with Colin revealing her identity and I’m so glad they changed that. So much from the book was changed to give her more agency and I’m so so so happy about that.

- Genuinely, I’m so excited to see what happens in Scotland with Francesca and Eloise and Michaela and John!! I have a suspicion they’re going to make it another spinoff show like Queen Charlotte, and then we’ll get Benedict’s season (which 👀💕 I have no clue what they’ll do with it but WHATEVER it is I will be parked in front of that TV the SECOND it drops). Whatever it is they have planned I have a sneaking suspicion we’re finally going to get some sapphic romance 👀 so.

- I absolutely cannot stand the hate this season is getting online. I really think it was well done, and I enjoyed every second of it.

- I do wish they’d shown a *few* more spicy Polin scenes (or maybe made the end one a bit longer bc HOOOO boy 👀 I needed about another full 5-10 minutes of her riding him lord GOD almighty I need a glass of WATER). BUT they really didn’t get any more spice than Kate and Anthony did last season (in fact they had quite a bit more I’d say), and I know we’ll see more of it next season hehe 😈 so 😏.

- John dying is literally actually physically going to break my heart when we get to Francesca’s storyline. ALSO I think I really…. I want her to fall in love with him wholly and completely too. I think she has in some ways. I hope in her story, they explore the very real love between them, mostly because I adore his beautiful lil autistic ass.

- I really wish they’d brought back Daphne and the duke a bit more to help violet and Fran a bit. I think Daphne specifically would have really helped soothe that relationship.

- can we get an Eloise Benedict swing scene every season?? Plz? For me? I adore their queer sibling bond so so so much.

- I’m so glad Pen and Eloise are on good terms again. Their friendship breaking just really…

- also, on Eloise, I adore the character growth I saw her go through this season. I think she’s really learning how to see and love the people around her for who they are and it’s so beautiful. I think people were right about her self absorption to a certain degree but… every character has flaws. No one is really infallible. And I think I went through a similar growth, learning how to check and weild my priveledge, and it’s comforting to know I’m not alone in some of the mistakes I made

- I have so many feelings about Cressida Cowper. I know she’s a bully, and I disliked her originally, but something about this season made me…. Sort of like her. First of all, she’s so cunty and I absolutely LOVE that for her. Her outfits are 😮‍💨 every single time. The SLEEVES on those dresses. Like. I really hope she has character growth of her own. Also. You can’t convince me that woman isn’t a femme lesbian. I want to see her set up a nice little estate and live happily ever after with a woman she loves, honestly. I feel like it was really realistic and fascinating to see her schism with her family. I hope she doesn’t take her mother’s advice to heart. That she breaks the generational curse and learns to be both kind AND cunty 😂. I hope Eloise and her make up somewhat too. I just. I don’t want her to be the villain. The pressures of society are their own villain.

- Bring back Edwina Sharma and her Prince can we start a FUCKING petition bro.

- two people in on that show that no matter what they are being paid, are not being paid enough 1) the COSTUME designer and 2) the intimacy coordinator. Every five seconds I found myself saying “god that dress” or “oh man, I need that waistcoat”

- I love that the writers chose to make the featherington sisters more than just… jokes? Philippa especially. She really had some of the best breakout lines of the season “insert himself where” GIRL “Farley, now! the bugs!!” SHES SO CUTE and Mr Finch baby boy so are you and your love for her 🥹 it’s just so wholesome. I love that Shonda really has showed through this show that even with our eccentricities, we all deserve to be loved, appreciated, cherished.

- we stand by Portia featherington. She really made the best of some SHITTY as situations, and we love her for that. It’s so important to me that she’s not the villain either. That she and pen worked things through, learned how to support each other, and that Portia apologized. I think she’s definitely…. Let’s say morally gray but how morally grey really is robbing the aristocracy? 🤫. I honestly? Kind of hope she finds a love match, or finds happiness in her singleness without having to rely on a man. That she learns to live in her power.

- Did I mention how devoted Colin is to Pen? Can we return to that? My FAVORITE moments of this season were the ones where he is so absolutely down bad for her that he can barely speak bc ME TOO baby boy. ME TOO. and that it’s pen. This season was for the girlies who never get noticed, who never had boys crush on them. Who have to make do living vicariously through others, who have to learn to love themselves, because the world does not seem to.

- can we bring back lord debbling? Lowkey…. I kinda liked him. I need him to be Cressida’s beard for real 🤫

- the mirror scene THE MIRROR SCENE 🫠😮‍💨😰🤤 I…. I have so many feelings. I keep hearing people being like “it was so cringe” but? I think I loved it because it felt so…. Realistic? I found myself loving it because it was so… slow and sweet and intentional and it was in every way an extension of Colin’s feelings for pen. He loves her enough that he treats her with only the most kind, most slow and soft touches. He considers her pleasure before his own (which, god is that dreamy I wanna be this man SO BAD). He talks her through. he appreciates in every way she SHOULD be appreciated. I’m just. I’m never going to be over how fantastically luke played him. How fantastic Luke and Nicola’s chemistry was. Can we appreciate the shots angles looking down on Penelope too bc oh man. Oh boy. Jesus Christ she would be walking ME like a dog to if she looked at me like that Holy Fuck. Also the THIGHS the TITTIES (👀 respectfully 👀 RESPECTFULLY). The little sneaky views of Colin’s butt hehe, the way Pen GULPS when she sees Colin (girl SAME). It reminded me so vividly of my own first time. it made me miss being that young and… idk. I feel like sex scenes often feel fake or unrealistic and the ones in this just felt SO real.

- on that topic can we all just appreciate how much Kate sharma is getting her cookie ate bc 😂 lord only knows she deserves it. ALSO. Petition for next season: I ABSOLUTELY need to see Colin on his knees doing the same for Pen 🤤👀 bc you KNow that man is a service top, and she deserves it.

- genuinely genuinely. I’m so afraid of the show now getting canceled because it has openly queer characters 🥺. I’ve fallen in love with it and it’s like there’s this dread, in the pit of my stomach, that it’s all going to end prematurely because people are already acting so shitty.

- I need violet to have her own spinoff with Marcus 👀 and CONTROVERSIAL OPINION (not controversial) I need their sex scenes bc 😳 LORD . I am not. ahem. I am sinning looking at lady bridgerton like this 😂

- I loved lady Danbury and pens exchange at the end of the season and they’re great friends in the books! I hope it develops more!

- how does Jonathan Bailey so convincingly play a man utterly in love/ lust with his wife as a gay man 😂. Also. Anthony’s little “LILACS”? Still thinking about that lol.

- I’m so glad Eloise didn’t tell Colin about pen being whistledown.

- really wish we’d had a wedding night sex scene 😅

- pen wearing a full set of acrylics and riding that man’s dick is….. god. I have been given a gift.

- Need Need NEED more of the Mondriches, just being happy and finding their place. Their ball this season was fucking fantastic.

- the end camera shot of Colin and pen kissing in front of the window she always watched him from 🫠🥹💕 I’m actually sick it’s SO PERFECT

- I knew Penelope was going to have the only boy 👀😏 called it hehe

- I think one of the things I love most about the show is just… seeing women support and uplift each other and work through things. Talk about the hard things. That’s how we grow as people.

In conclusion, I know many people disliked a lot of things about s3 but I, personally, adored it. And I also know why the writers cut what they did, and did what they did. I honestly think if they’d just added a few small things it would have been perfect. There was so much happening this season it felt overwhelming almost, and I think if I were to say if there’s anything to learn from this, it’s that they need to slow down. Focus on and give each plot its share. I wish I could give Bridgerton an infinite budget for infinite episodes to do whatever they wanted bc I know it would be good. ALSO if I have to endure a month wait like that again I’m actually fucking rioting. I liked the anticipation but it felt too long and just…. Idk. I think an episode a week would be a better way to stretch it if they wanted to keep that ploy. Anyways. If anyone’s actually read this far, I’m so sorry 😂. And to all the people griping… get a grip. It’s a beautiful show and the writing was honestly fantastic. just enjoy the media for what it is im actually begging you. If this show gets canceled because of something as trivial as not enough Polin sex scenes and having actual queer representation in fucking coming for ALL OF YOU.

Peace and light

Annika

[usernamesarehard1]

Most of the time, I completely ignore Magisterium canon to the point where I forget it exists. But every now and then a reminder of it comes up and it hurts me so much inside.

I hate the canon so much. I am one of those autistic people where I am lower-empathy when it comes to real people, but have hyper-empathy for fictional characters. Especially certain fictional characters. Because some characters become a part of who I am. It's like I absorb them into my emotions and I care about them so so deeply.

And the Magisterium characters are that for me.

But the canon treats them like garbage! First of all, most of what happens is such lazy writing and doesn't even make logistical sense (ie, why is Call getting injured on the log his fault? Why would anyone believe Alma that Call is the EOD?? Why would the Magisterium TELL everyone Call was the EOD, etc????)

But secondly, shit just happens to the characters for no reason over and over and over again. They do nothing to deserve it. They don't do anything wrong! All they do is try to help and be good people and save the lives of other people. They, as CHILDREN, take on responsibility that the adults won't because they care more about people than the authority does, but yet shit just keeps happening to them!

And I hate it so damn much. It causes me such deep emotional pain. It's like what Bones did to Zack and it's hard for me to handle.

It's just so unfair! And it's not even a good story.

It's literally bad writing. First of all, it's lazy. Second of all, I feel like I can say it is like objectivley just bad writing.

I remember in my senior year of high school, we read Aristotle's break down on what makes a tragedy in literature, and it summed up exactly what was wrong with Magisterium so perfectly.

He said that in order for a tragedy to work, you need a character who is flawed but not evil, and relatable but not overly likeable. That way the audience feels bad for his ultimate demise, but also feels it's justified.

He said that if the character was just evil, we don't get sad, we instead are happy when he meets his demise. We feel that he has gotten his "just desserts"

And that when a character is too good, and hasn't done anything to deserve his downfall.....

We get angry.

That if a character is punished despite not doing anything wrong, we will want justice for that character.

THAT is the problem with Magisterium.

Call is told he is a "punishment" at 12 years old solely for distrusting an authority that killed his mother. He falls off a log that he was SUPPOSED to fall off of and gets punished for getting injured. Master Rufus automatically assumes Call would use an anti-scrying stone to cause trouble despite him not having caused any trouble at the Magisterium thus far (the only time he did anything that broke the rules that Rufus knew about was to sneak out of the school and save their precious Makar, Aaron). He gets thrown into literal adult prison at 14 for a murder that he didnt commit of his best friend (slash boyfriend) with no outside contact with Tamara or his own father for SIX MONTHS. He is then kidnapped by Anastasia at only 15 and forced to create chaos ridden. He then returns to the Magisterium at around 16 and everyone still thinks he murdered Aaron and treats him like a murderer. And then his dad, the ONLY person who ever loved him 100% uncondionally and didn't hate him at some point in his life, gets turned into a fucking devoured as a "punishment" for not wanting the very last person in his life to die at the hands of the people responsible for the deaths of everyone else in his life.

That is so fucking bad. That is so fucking bad. That is so fucking terrible.

And the authors don't even fucking care.

I am so fucking mad. Typing all that out literally HURTS me.

THIS is why I need to make the Magisterium movies someday. THIS is why I'm mad at myself every day for not making more progress on getting filmmaking experience and learning about how to make money so I can buy the film rights. THIS is why I'm driving myself crazy every day.

Because I love Call. Call is so fucking real to me and I can't let this be his life. I just cant.

[nahualnextdoor]

Character Analysis for Shitpost's Sake (long post; tw suicide discussion):

A funny haha, a whimsy silly image. Something I did in like 10 minutes...

Well behind the scenes I spent an entire night dissecting every episode and book paragraph in my head just to see what box fits what character (I take my silly guys very seriously and my shitposts should represent their characterizations accurately otherwise I'll kill myself).

So, here we go.

Active suicide risk: (literally anyone except Cleo and Six)

-Resus: Pretty obvious and intuitive in my opinion. Our favorite trans allegory emo boy that literally sleeps in a coffin. Hates pretty much every aspect of his life, thinks he's a disappointment to his family simply for existing (and sadly kinda is), and is pretty much fine with death as a whole (most of his friends already went trough it, after all).

-Luke: This one was also pretty obvious in my opinion. While not as clear cut or active as Resus, there was this one time where he decided to banish himself to the Underlands, no hesitation, as soon as he found out (or rather was made to believe) he attacked his parent. He's very often ostracizing himself over his lycanthropy hurting those around him, and for the major part of the book series he believed himself to be a burden for his parents. (Also he has like. Zero sense of self-preservation, at least in the tv show).

-Luella: Oh boy. Where do I begin with you girl. Just her living situation alone is sad enough, add in her attachment issues, her lack of control over her emotions, her crush on a guy that treats her... horribly, and her lack of any meaningful friendship in her life up until she became bffs with Cleo in s2. Honestly I'm just glad that by the end of s2 she's mostly content with her life the way it is, but still... at least on the episodes before she got her shit together, I'd say she's kinda worrying.

-Dixon: Yeah this guy's life is just hell lol. I'm not really getting any suicidal vibes out of him, but it is more than plausible.

10/10:

-Cleo: She's just... I love her 🙏🙏 Badass, one of the most interesting characters of the tv show in my opinion, autistic as fuck (they all are, but she's the one I relate to the most), curses the entire town in order to fix her problems and is pretty much happy despite being in an eternal sisyphean cycle.

Needs to retake the am I gay quiz:

-Resus: self explanatory I think. He really needs to get his shit together because I just cannot tolerate when he's all over Luella "oh luella I need your help with this spell and also brain drain dumped me in a wet cardboard box and killed my grandma 🥺🥺" and then going "well thanks for nothing, fuck u and ur stupid useless magic, also even tho we're nothing I will get all possessive over u at the slightest possibility of u liking Luke hey can we kiss to save the world btw" She deserves so much better than him omg. Boy you're queer!!! Leave her alone and just stay with the werewolf!!!

Cannibalised first in plane crash scenario:

-Resus: I just thought this was funny lol

Adderal prescription ASAP:

-Luke: Also pretty self explanatory. Lycantrophy is the magical equivalent of autism and adhd in this universe, I don't make the rules. Both in the books and in the show he's shown having a hard time focusing on class, finding it easier to just focus on his videogames. He spends hours playing on his console, to the point of ignoring his baisc needs, and is pretty hyperactive in my opinion, at least in the show. Really I wish they'd bring back the idea of Eeafa (or maybe even Luella) figuring out a potion or spell to help him manage his wild side, wich, to me at least, is not only his wolf self, but all of his neurodivergent tendencies in general (basically it would be magical meds that makes you have more control over the wolf form on top helping you study).

Missing person:

-Pretty much all the other kids from the books but I choose Kian because he's kinda the one that has the most relevance and the only one with an available image on the internet that is not a 3 pixels wide scan on the Internet Archive (still love them tho). He could potentially be on active suicide risk once he gets old enough to understand what happened to his parents tho, but thinking about that for more than 5 seconds makes me cry so I prefer not to.

And that is basically it! Thank you for listening to my ramblings and analysis of these silly little guys that keep rotating on my head like rotisserie chicken ballerinas. Next will probably be my still pending character analysis for why I assigned the slimes I did on my slime rancher post.

[aetherstorms]

So a post popped onto my timeline due to the Fandaniel tag, and it reminded me that a vast swath of the fandom hates Hermes. They hate him for being depressed, for living in a society that he doesn't fit into, for being unable to conform, and for causing the Final Days (I assume). So I've decided to write it. I've decided to say why I love Hermes, and why I still love him as Amon and Fandaniel. This is going to be long, and contain personal comparisons to support why I feel such a strong attachment. Obviously this is very personal, so if you don't want brief insights into a stranger's mind, just keep on scrolling. It really is a lot to take in.

First of all, and I believe this is my first time saying it on this blog, but I'm autistic. As such, I live in a society I don't fit into. I have a lot of trouble with face to face interactions. I have a lot of difficulty maintaining eye contact and reading body cues and tone, and this has only gotten worse since the start of the pandemic due to avoiding people as much as possible to avoid getting sick. I don't see Hermes as autistic, but the fact he feels differently than those around him, the fact that he has such high empathy for the creations of Elpis, definitely causes him to be isolated. Whether they actually push him away, or he just has trouble connecting because they can't understand his point of view, it's pretty clear to me that he's quite lonely.

His short story told me that it was probably more of the second thing. They don't seem to reject him, but they can't understand his feelings, so he withdraws. When he decides to make Meteion, his fellows in Elpis apparently go to great lengths to help him create her. They want to help him, they want him to be happy. There's simply a gap they cannot bridge. Unlike in real society, those around him are compassionate toward him despite his differences.

But, through no fault of their own, this compassion also hurts him. He worries that he is an aberration. Because no one around him feels as he does, he thinks of himself as a freak, as someone different and it bothers him. He withdraws further. How often has this man removed his mask to have an earnest conversation with someone? I feel like when he's talking to the WoL it may be the first time he's done so, at least in his adult life. If he had even one friend, or person he considered a friend, might he have broken so easily? Or would that one tether have been enough to give him pause? It's hard to say, since in that moment it was so so very clear that he wasn't in his right mind. He had heard Meteion tell him horrible things, and he felt he needed to subject himself to all of it.

Yet, remember his question at the end of Ktisis Hyperboreia? Even though Meteion was telling him previously that all the Meteia found was death and murder and pain, he still asks her 'was there happiness in those distant stars? Was there a reason for living?'. He still hopes for good news. He still wants to hear that things can be okay. Meteion does not give him good news though. She tells him more of the same, more suffering, more pain and death. She snaps completely, overcome by the agonies of her sisters, and Hermes falls to despair. If this is the whole of the universe, then this must be what Etheirys also deserves and if they can prove themselves better than the whole rest of the universe, only then will they be able to survive, whether they deserve to live or not.

The fact that much of the fandom seems to hate him for this decision is troubling, to say the least. They slap the 'bad guy' tag on him without any further thought. They don't consider why he makes this decision, they don't see him as a man at the end of his rope, who sees no other choice he can make. As it turns out, he could have stopped the Meteia right then and there. His staff can apparently communicate with them, so he could probably have ordered them to return like Emet-Selch told him to. But his sympathies do not lie with mankind, not in that moment. He sees the Meteia as being the ones in the right, as of course they must be as creations that sense emotions. Even though he asked a flawed question, he isn't thinking straight. He was a man with depression, and having been pushed to the brink, he makes a decision that in the moment seems like the correct one.

From the perspective of those around him who obviously aren't privy to his thoughts, of course this seems an evil act. From that perspective, of course they would hate him. But we the player have seen him struggle. So why do so many hate him for this decision when they must surely know that the circumstances that brought it about were unusual? Did they forget that not long before they were chasing Meteion because she very much did not want to give her report, knowing it would hurt Hermes? Did they forget that just before she began her report, she was expressing that she was sorry to Hermes? Did they forget that she had been fighting against the will of her sisters to give that report? She knows this man, her creator, better than anybody. She knew what this news would do to him. If anyone is the villain here, it's us for forcing her to give her report. But only Meteion must know how this is going to go, or at least she has the best guess, and we can only do as the game dictates. The ending was a foregone conclusion, and it's one we already know. But why do so many hate him when they know more about his pain than presumably anyone aside from Meteion?

But that's just Hermes. Why do the players hate Fandaniel? Because he's flamboyant? Because he's annoying? Because he's weird? Because he's an utter nihilist? Maybe it's that last one. If you don't have depression, without knowing why he feels this way in the moment it's presented, it's easy enough to go 'what the hell?' and hate him for wanting to destroy everything. But why continue to hate him afterward? With the context of Amon and the things he saw? The player knowing he suffered for five millennia (he states ten when dying as Zodiark, which I still find curious) and found nothing good. He was a man who was forced to help kill entire worlds on top of the belief he already had in Allag that it should all end simply because his Emperor willed it so.

Now, to be perfectly honest, as something of a nihilist myself, I admit I might have a leg up on understanding him here. I see the atrocities around me and think how much better it would be if humanity just stopped existing. But I also make a point of seeking proof of the opposite, just as Hermes did. Maybe Amon's problem is that, like Hermes, he was isolated. Given current evidence, it seems like Noah was his only confidant in Allag and she stated that he was dour and serious until he succeeded in bringing back Xande, and he may not have tried to gain friendships among the Ascians. With that assumption, it's hard to want to find the good in mankind. He certainly wouldn't have been encouraged to find it.

But why not hate Emet-Selch, who created the Empire that broke Amon in the first place? Who had, by his own admission, created many Empires, all of them presumably as horrible as Allag and Garlemald. Why is he so popular? Because, also by his own admission, he kept trying to find a connection to us? Because he sees what he's doing as a step toward restoring what was lost, something the player can more easily relate to? Which even the Scions admit sounds logical from a certain point of view? Do they hate Fandaniel because he has no wish for anything better, but rather an end to everything?

I like Emet-Selch, but I have no idea why others like him, only why I do. Just as I can only guess why others hate Fandaniel, Amon, and Hermes. If I was given a big red button to kill all of humanity, would I press it? The answer may surprise you. I wouldn't. I wouldn't because I have people I care about, because I own pets specifically to keep me from killing myself when my depression would otherwise overwhelm me to the point even my friends wouldn't be enough. Hermes, Amon, Fandaniel....they don't seem to have had those things. By all indications, they were very alone and while Noah seemed to have a greater insight into Amon than any of Hermes' colleagues did, even she could only tell us so much.

Hermes had Meteion, but then she brought him multitudes of misery, a whole universe of it. His only tether had told him it essentially wasn't worth it and Amon states he dreamed the memories Kairos had supposedly erased until he was given the seat and memories of Fandaniel, giving him context. But he was plagued with these dreams supposedly his whole life. He dismissed them as dreams at first, but to see such things night after night probably didn't do his mental health any good and then he finds out these aren't dreams, but memories. He knew about the true cause of the Final Days, and then he's given no reason to believe in the good of man when he's basically made to foster the opposite. Is it really any wonder he was so manic at the end? His goal was finally coming to fruition. His suffering would finally be over.

Maybe that's why so many people like Emet-Selch. He's a bastard and a mass-murderer sure, but he's been doing all of this for a cause he believes in. Twisted as it may be, it's relatable; he just wants his loved ones back. This is a story told all throughout history, of people doing whatever it took just to get their loved one (usually their lover) back. The man is a walking Greek Tragedy. Fandaniel on the other hand wants everyone, including himself, to die. Not just die, but suffer on the way. Most people won't stop to think about his reasons, even when he outright hands them to you. It really does show how experiences shape you. If you haven't experienced things in life to make you feel the way he does, it can be hard to see why he'd think this way.

When Kairos does its work and we see Hermes outside Ktisis, he's obviously still injured and no one knows why other than Hermes' 'vague memories' of what he decided he would believe had happened to Meteion. He gave himself an ending that would ensure he never looked for her, never tried to use his staff to call out to the Meteia again. He was wounded physically, but emotionally he was shattered. He calls himself a murderer in Hythlodaeus' short story, after all. he is depicted as a man who throws himself obsessively into his work to the point of self-neglect, most likely to punish himself and also to distract himself.

When the Final Days came, how did he hold it together? How did he not fall to despair to be consumed by his own aether creating a monstrosity? Did the Meteia consciously spare him? No, I don't think so. Meteion offers him oblivion before she flees. She sees this as a mercy he has denied. She loves him, she would not want him to keep suffering. In this I can't guess how he managed not to be consumed. Maybe he suspected the true cause, or at least a part of it, and as he'd said, he would be working against the Meteia. He seems to very much be a man of his word, at least. Even to his own detriment. One cannot deny one's nature.

But yes, I both understand and don't why so much of the fandom seems to hate Hermes and his reincarnation, but if you've made it this far, you definitely deserve accolades. This was a lot, but I found I could no longer leave it unsaid. It was an unpacking of myself, the character(s) and an attempt to figure out why those who dislike them do so.

Of course, there is a difference between empathy and mimicry. Most of us have a healthy separation of fiction and reality. He's just like me fr, but that doesn't mean I'd want to do what he does if I had the power to do it. He's a fictional character with fictional pain that just happens to reflect a mindset I can understand. But it seems many can't understand or relate. They just see a man with an incomprehensible viewpoint and they don't even try to understand his thinking. I think I can understand why they don't understand, but at the same time it really just proves his own point, doesn't it? No one tries to understand people who are different than them, it seems. Not if they're the majority. At least the people in Hermes' life were apparently kind in their interactions with him, misguided as he saw their attempts.

[name-s-are-not-important]

Headcanon: Autistic Horace

In this essay I will...

(And I wrote the essay this time)

If someone has already written about this I apologise, I hadn't noticed, Kudos to you and I'm happy to add to the talks about it

Actually, we've already established that Halt is autistic. Right. It's Horace now.

I've already written a bit about him in terms of this headcanon and the more I think about it, the more sense it makes. So yes. Horace is autistic. (He's also dyslexic but there's no evidence for that in the canon any more, I see him that way).

We know he thinks very straightforwardly, which is what the canon makes fun of. He doesn't understand what the Lone Raven is about, he annoys Halt with his lack of understanding of dramatic symbols.

Horace sometimes doesn't understand that he's being made fun of. Canon juxtaposes him as this dumber warrior with these super-smart Rangers. But, Horace thinks strategically and is great at it. When he's the one planning the action, he figures things out faster than Halt. Replacing the king in the 8th book and making Halt's disguise, including make-up a'la goatee?

Horace doesn't understand why Rangers think so much instead of taking action on personal issues. But at the same time, he has low self-esteem himself and quite seriously assumes that he was sent abroad because he doesn't deserve to love Cassandra.

And now him and Halt. Like... think about it. The whole 'what? what?' conversation in the 3rd book is just two autistics who have passed each other by in terms of interpreting the code of conversation that has been in imposed and both as long as the other person in the conversation ko impose it. The combination of Halt and Horace, on the other hand, is at times a series of misunderstandings and at other times excellent communication, because few people understand them as well as they can understand each other. Teaching facial expressions in 8th book by Halt I've Got One Face And It's Not A Smile? Please....

Horace simplifies a lot of things, so that some he understands faster than others (like Wilyss being a thing) and some he doesn't. Because in his reasoning the cloak makes him invisible, so they shouldn't see him and that's it. Because Halt can't die since he's been through so much. And Will loves Alyss, and Alyss loves Will so what the hell to talk about, why the waiting here.

Horace has a fencing talent and doesn't follow orders mindlessly, when he's allowed to rely on intuition and his own reason, he goes awesome early on in his training. (Well, and he kills Morgarath with a technique he learned as a fun fact).

He doesn't immediately understand some of the jokes or subtext, but eventually he understood what the 'couriers' were about and had a contrived retort about thinking that he wanted to use at the right moment.

He interjects somewhat socially awkward remarks on the fly, which he interprets as offensive or rude after the fact and apologises for them. But at the same time, he then simply tells the truth. Ferris was a weak king, but they had no other.

And Halt must have taken notice of Will earlier, since he watched him while he was stealing the pies. Will didn't jump to that conclusion, having heard the explanation. Horace did, though he turned it into a joke. Equally, Horace notices the similarities, patterns and associations. People may recognise Halt as Ferris when they ride through Clonmel.

He has a strong sense of justice. How can you kill someone with poison instead of in an even fight? How can the king's seals be forged? You can't break out of a duel when you can't see anything if you've already stood up to fight. And one cannot fail to risk one's own life to defend friends or someone one has promised to help. Since there's bullying of junior cadets at the Batttleschool, Sir Rodney must know about it, it's probably the rules and that's it. And since Halt is moving to find Will, it's only right to go with him.

In conclusion: one of us. Neurodivergent Horace Altman.

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

(So far I can't think of any more examples from canon. But there probably are some and I'm still going to fight for this theory.)

[reidsmouthbabys48]

Summary: you are hyperfixated on greys anatomy and Spencer comes over with your favorite snacks and you cuddle up on the couch and binge it together and he rambles about all the mistakes.

Warnings: none just pure fluff, also this is autistic! Reader x autistic!spence because I thats just cute asf

~~~~~~~~~~

Your phone buzzes on your kitchen counter and you hop off the couch to get it, knowing exactly who it is. You had given Spencer a special ringtone witch is the SpongeBob theme song, most people think it’s odd but it’s you favorite cartoon and Spence is your favorite person, it’s perfect.

“Hiiiii baby” you say, the excitement evident in your voice, “hey baby, I’m on my way over” he says as I hear the key turn and the engine start, “okkkk” I say and you hear the smile in his voice as he says “I’ll see you soon my love”.

“I love you, Spence” you say after he hangs up, you have been dating for three months now but you’re to scared to say i love you first, your last partner broke your heart so you’re scared to love again but you fell for Spencer so fast, head over heals isn’t the right frase for how hard you fell for him, he is perfect in every way, all he wants is for you to be happy and thats all you want for him.

Thirty minutes later your are curled up on the couch and the door opens, the smell of Chinese food floats through the living room any you sit up to see Spencer struggling to hold the food, you quickly get up to help him, “baby you got groceries?” You ask and he nods, “last time I came over your fridge was practically empty baby, you need to start eating more” he says and when you turn around to set the bags on the table you smile to yourself.

“Ok before we put the bags away I got snacks… I got ice cream, Doritos anddd some candy” he says pulling them out of the bag, your eyes start to water and a few tears slip down your cheeks as you run to hung him, you burry your face into his chest and cry, “baby what’s wrong?” He asks, his hand resting in your hair.

“I…” say it, just say it y/n he needs to know.

“What baby?” He says and you lift your head and look up at him, “nobody has ever taken care of me, or cared enough to remember my favorite things and get them for me for no reason at all” you say the tears are falling faster now and he wiped them away with his thumb, “baby, I- of course I take care of you that’s what lovers do, they love each other and look out for each other, I will never give you less than what you deserve” he says smiling down at you, he kisses you on the four head as the words replay in your mind.

“Do you?” You ask and he leans back and looks at you questionably, “do you love me, Spencer?” You ask and he nods, “I do, I love you so much baby” he says and you smile, wider than you ever have, “ I love you so much too baby” you say burying your face into his chest once again, you both stand there for was feels like and eternity, but you still don’t want to let go, you want realize you want to be in his arms for the rest of your life.

“Baby as much as I love this moment, I don’t want the ice cream to melt” he says with a soft laugh, “oh yea” you say letting go of him.

Your heart is fluttering as if there are a million little butterflies floating around it. With him you don’t have to feel bad about being yourself because no matter how odd or silly you are you know he will always love you.

“Baby? Are you ok” he says and you nod, realizing you were staring into space.

“Do you want to eat?” He asks holding out a takeout box and you nod grabbing it and moving to sit on the couch, you sit with your legs crossed the takeout in your lap and Spencer sits next to you. He turns one greys anatomy and relaxes against the couch, you try to focus on the show but your eyes drift to him every few minutes.

You have both finished your food and Spencer is now laying his head on your thigh, he looks up at you and your heart stops beating for a second, the way he looks at you make your heart flutter and your stomach fill with butterflies, all you can think is ‘I want to marry him’

“This show is so wrong but the plot is really good” he says moving to sit up but you grab his head and pull him back down, “no, stay” you say and you feel him smile.

~~~~~~~~~

I might be posting more bc I’m going through a lot of shit and I need my mind off of it sooo I hope you enjoyed this send me some ideas please 🙏

[fanficisliterature]

Hi tumblr

I have no solace, so I'll just put it here.

I am autistic... probably. I have never been diagnosed formally, my parents don't believe in mental health. But it all makes so much sense...

Every autism test I have taken indicates that I have autism, every single autistic friendly tip helped me, I was always "different", "weird". I had no friends growing up, I was bullied, harassed by teachers and peers alike...

I didn't know that I was I'll then... I thought I was a waste of oxygen, I tried to kms so many times because I was so tired... I tried to get hurt so I could skip school, skip that hellish torture...

I cannot communicate properly, cannot hold eye contact with even my parents, friends, anyone except my poor late kitty.

I have never been able to connect to anyone except animal friends and my stuffed bunny, never been able to feel at peace with a single person.

But I did not deserve what they did to me, not one bit. I am an amazing person who is kind, nice, strong, smart and beautiful... Everything they said is false. They cannot hurt me anymore. They hurt her, but they cannot even touch me. None of them...

Even though I will probably spend my life without any help, I want to be happy. Does anyone have any tips for me? I cannot afford therapy OR being kicked out of my home

[smileymoth]

Im being mentally ill sorry chat

I need to kill myself at this point because I'm never going to get better in any way shape or form. I cant eat healthy because I get fucking weird about it. And I'd be okay with it because frankly I don't care if I make myself sick but at the same time I'm scared I'll die at 40 from heart failure because starvation kills your organs and your heart. But I'd not eat healthy in the first place so would it even matter. I hate that I can't say that I wish I was skinny because that means I'm scum of the earth bc i hate fat people even though I dont I just hate myself and everything to do with me because I'll never be enough for myself because I have crippling dysmorphia that makes me want to kill myself. I can'tlook at myself in the mirror i cant look at photos of myself because i hate my body so bad but i cant change it because i keep fucking eating i need to stop fucking eating i need to start counting calories again if i ever want to be skinny and get surgey god its such a long way to go to be skinny i wish i was underweight i wish i hhadnt gained 25kilos over the span of 3 years i need to kill myself because its all my fault its my fault i cant eat or work out properly or be healthy about it because im too depressed to cook for myself and im addicted to sugar and i have no energy or motivation to do things ever. What if its my fuckibg meds that raise my weight so much what if i went off them what if i stop taking them and eventually kill myself because being dead is bettef than being fat right thats what rhe doctors probably want you to beliebe. I look soooo normal on the outside im like smiling and laughing and i looknormal and happy to other people because i have nothing to prove to them for me beung sick beside them knowing i take meds and me joking about being suicidal. I dont have lost weight nor any scars to show them . God i wish i had the courage to cut my arm up so bad i had to get stitches but i cant because i lovr my mom and my mom loves me toi much and i dont want to worry her i already am terrifued of her seeing the small scars on my thighs . I cant even tell if cutting helps because it gives a nice adrenaline rush but then itd over and i feel guilty bc itll leavw scars that people can see i wish people didnt care aboyt scars i wish they healed and disappeared faster so i wouldnt havw to hide them but i also want them to see because i feel like its the only way i could prove to them that im ill and not just joking about it. I need to starve mtself and get skinny because theb maybe someobe will tell me im pretty because ill finally wear pretty clothes and i need to get rid of my tits and i need ro lose the weight for that abd im so scared i wont be able to . Its only 10 kilos it shouldnt be so scary to lose but i lost 5 in dec/january so before i even went to thw gym and now ibe lost nothing in 2 montjs and its so scary i hatw it i hate that im mentally il i hate that ik not ill enough for anyone to care . Im so pathetic it hurts really i need to kill myself but i cant because of my mom and it sucks . Im never going to get better and im never going to feel pretty enough or good enough in my life im always going to feel like a failure so why am i even trying anymore . I want to die but i dont i just want to be happy but i cant do that so i want to kill myself instead but i cant kill myself soim just stuck in this limbo of wishing i was a better person that im never going to be. I wish i had the self control to just not fucking eatif i cant make proper healthy food for myself i dont deserve it i dont deserve good thibgs i need to get beat up on the street by someone i dont deserve good rhings because i havent earned them im always gking to be a little freak thafs not enough for herself or the world because shes a depressed fat probably autistic freak whose only wish is to be happy and find love that i wont get becayse i cant talk to people. I also need to stop posting my mental breakdowns on tumnlr bc its not helping anyone but here we are. Im not a good person am i

[plushie-lovey]

Hello I am the anon who found their rabbit and furby again. I am not listening to my brother and taking your advice. I am autistic and he doesn't show any kind of interest in accomodating that so I believe this is just another example of his ignorance. Yes, they are my friends and they make me happy. I have some toys and plushes but it's not a big collection.

If you could give advice on cleaning up that would be helpful. I have tried to degerm etc. the furby is white and has child's make up on it and glitter stains. The fur is a dark grey white just now and lost it's fluffiness. The rabbit is a blue jellycat and has lost fluffiness. It had chocolate stains on it and I had clean off with soap and water. But it was already bedraggled when i thrifted it so maybe getting it clean thoroughly is best I can do

I'm glad you're brushing off what your brother has said. He's just not able to feel whimsy as easily I suppose. Let him be ignorant, while you remain happy with your plushie buddies. You deserve to be happy!!

I did some research for you on their restoration btw! I'm glad that you specified your bunny is a Jellycat, because Jellycats might need a bit of a different approach to cleaning than other plushies. Although I always try recommending a hand wash for beloved stuffed animals, I've seen people say a good machine washing will work wonders on a Jellycat. A popular Jellycat blogger named Victor @ jellycatstuffies has a washing tutorial on his pinned post here. I also looked up a couple more tutorials for you here and here. Though from the state your bunny is in, I might also recommend a restuff alongside a good bath, especially to get rid of most of the bad odors that may have come from their other home (if you or someone you know is able to sew them back up. Don't open them if you can't close them again. That would be sad ;-; )

As for your furby. Well, I'm gonna be honest I don't know much about them. But! There's a huuuge furby community on Tumblr as well as Youtube and other places that can teach you how to clean your friend up. I think most people would recommend removing the skin entirely for a bath. Though it might depend on what generation/era your furby is. I'm honestly not sure! But here's one tutorial I found, and there's tons more out there. If you wanted, you could even customize your furby to make them more unique and breathe a new life into them!

If you feel you're in over your head when it comes to cleanup, though, you can always seek out a stuffed animal hospital. My personal recommendation is Doctor Beth aka @ doctorbeth here on tumblr, though she may only be able to help with your bunny (I'm not sure if I've ever seen her restore a furby's hide before). It'd probably also cost irl money, and you might even be on a waitlist to be seen, but her work is fantastic and would be well worth the patience and expense.

Once again I wish you luck with your reunited buddies, and hope their spa goes well!! Maybe afterwards once they're all clean, you can even treat them to some accessories (collars, kandi necklaces and bracelets, bandanas, whatever!). And please remember to take care of yourself while also caring for your friends, ok? 💖

[abri-chan]

So I know Attorney Woo had both the exponential absurdness of soap operas where we go from 0 to 100 real quick with regards to how the court cases mix with personal life, and the cheesiness of a happy ending despite it all, but there were quotes or moments in this show that quite inspired neurodivergent people, especially girls and women. Especially the part when Young-Woo said her life is unusual and peculiar, but still valuable and beautiful. Yes it is cheesy and episode title drop but it is also important to hear. Besides we also have hurting male characters like her father and male lead, and the fact that the romance didn't have any of the red flags and borderline (if not outright) sexual harassment we see in other stories, and was actually healthy is a win. The issue of consent was brought up throughout the show too, and while Extraordinary Attorney Woo feels preachy or in your face at times (similarly to how it is quite educative when it comes to autism), it is a good thing we are moving towards a positive direction when it comes to portraying healthy relationships on screen.

There are things I really liked about Woo as an autistic woman, or in general as a woman in the workforce. For example, the fact she is plain and dresses for comfort; that is something positive that we don't often see because we always assume women should prioritize looks over comfort, and they must be beautiful before they are smart. I also like that she wasn't forced into the nurturing role, and in fact was a woman who loved her job, and who got a love interest through her skills and abilities, and not looks. (What I mean is, the myth persists that women are attracted to competence in men, while men are attracted to looks only in women. So while the male lead finds Woo cute, he first notices her for the unusual way she approaches cases and her intellect, and in fact when confessing he talks a lot about how her ability and enthusiasm around law makes her shine in his eyes.) I understand in Korean cultures Woo's loudness and mannerisms stand out more, because the men too are quite composed, but in a Western context some of the things Woo does, like talk out of turn are things we forgive in men and punish in women, so Woo standing out and not being punished for that is a good thing to see. Now there are a few things for which this drama could have gone the extra mile: Woo is too neat, and in fact all the actors clearly wear makeup--especially for an autistic woman, but women in general, we need to get to a stage where women can show their face on-screen without makeup. The fact that Woo, while we can't blame her for her good looks, and in fact autism or lack of has nothing to do with genetics and how attractive a face is, is in fact cute or still attractive presentation-wise, that is to say, makeup, no blemishes, on-point hair, shows we still have miles to go when it comes to female representation on-screen, but it is a first step. I liked that Woo was more weird than cute, and we should keep it that way, and allow women, neurodivergent or otherwise, to keep being weirder on-screen.

Overall, some things were cliche, bc such is the format of a drama, but within those constraints, Extraordinary Attorney Woo did some very interesting and original things, and the characters are quite interesting, and in the end, there is nothing wrong with a feel-good drama: showing autistic people that they deserve happiness is a good thing. Plus there is also nothing bad with instilling some morality and cooperation into how people should treat colleagues, and others at large, and that in fact we should all try to be fundamentally good, open-minded tho those around us, and learn from our mistakes, and that redemption is possible even if painful.

(I also liked some of the magical realism aspects, such as the whale scenes or the rotating doors as a dance. Plus the fact that so many women are also formed and helped Woo grow is important, and it is great to see more women in the workforce, along with their diverse worldviews and opinions and choices, even if those choices are not what we might agree with. But that range, and its portrayal, is important for women on screen!)

(now there's an argument for why an actress who was actually autistic wasn't chosen to portray Woo, but I won't get into it. as someone on the spectrum tho, I didn't find the portrayal of Woo in-bad-faith or exploitative, and I did enjoy her character. that is my personal opinion tho, and I can't tell others to think like me. I think it is a step in the right direction, as we get these roles more acceptable and then hopefully soon we'll see actual neurodivergent people on screen playing such characters.)

[desultory-suggestions]

I'm scared to recover because it kind of feels like who i am now, and I'm really scared of gaining weight because I'm already considered a healthy weight. Since i was about age 4, i was considered "unhealthy" by the bmi chart. And I'm so scared to get back to that. The mean comments get to me so much, and things online about foods being unhealthy and my unrestricted body being bad or unhealthy too. Do you have any advice or tips? I'm also autistic and I don't get hunger cues. Professional eating disorder treatments haven't helped me, and I want to be able to make my own choices (they never seem to understand my autism and say it's the ed when it's not.) , so if i tried recovery, it would be at home with my family.

Hello, my dear. This is actually an extremely common fear and one that I had too. Sometimes, it still crosses my mind. Your eating disorder is the least interesting thing about you. It doesn't define you, and it doesn't make you any better of a person. In fact, all it does is create suffering for a beautiful person who has so much life to share. You are good, and so much energy and life is sapped away from you by this disorder. You will be shocked by how much you can accomplish when you are no longer under the thumb of an eating disorder. Your energy, your happiness, everything is ten times better. Every pound you may gain comes with added health and joy for your life. The people worth keeping in your life, want you to be the healthiest and happiest you can be.

You can be considered a healthy weight, but that doesn't mean you are a healthy weight for you or that you are maintaining it healthily. If you have to starve to be that weight, it is not a healthy weight. We are so afraid of the idea of bodies, weight, and being fat that we tell ourselves it's better to suffer than change, and that is just not true. There is nothing wrong with gaining weight or being fat. When we say every body is a good body, we mean every body. Working on dismantling our engrained fatphobia and obsession with thinness is vital to recovery. I was considered healthy at the pinnacle of my ED, and trust me I was not. Your body has a healthy weight range it can happily and naturally live within, and you deserve to let it live.

Interjection, never ever ever ever ever ever (this goes on for several more days) EVER listen to the goddamn BMI again. I cannot even begin to explain the absolute bogus that BMI charts and scales are. They mean nothing. There are ways to measure health with health professionals, BMI is not one of them even if a professional tells you it is. Research points to many issues with such scales. I am so so sorry anyone ever even told you such a thing. No one should be measuring your worth by your body. Generally, work towards avoiding all such scales. Even if it was accurate, so what? If you have personal health concerns you can address them with a professional, but being fat doesn't equal being unhealthy either. No one gets to measure your worth.

You will likely always see fatphobia and misinformation online, but it can be reduced. Unfollowing anyone who makes you feel lesser or increased ED issues is extremely important. And don't worry! There are so many amazing blogs to replace them with! Check out who I reblog from for some wonderful people who will remind you that you are worthy and loved in every form you take.

I can totally understand why conventional ED recovery specialists don't work for you. While you may be able to find someone who specifically works with autistic people or is autistic as well, you also may need to focus on what you can do for yourself. It is possible to recover without that standard treatment, but I still encourage speaking to a therapist in general. If hunger cues are an issue, you may find scheduling meals to be more helpful. You can play to eat with company to have support or to eat alone but have someone checking on how much you manage to eat. You can make a meal plan with a REGISTERED dietician (avoid plain nutritionists, as they often do not require a formal education) and follow along to get what your body needs. Whenever you do happen to sense hunger, follow it and eat! It can be rare, and maybe it doesn't happen at all. But if it does trust in it. Work on eating foods you are afraid of, small increments are still progress. Stock up on foods you love, and that you want to enjoy without shame.

Extra Tips:

I watch videos while I eat to reduce anxiety and shame. I love watching people who are food positive! Keith Eats the Menu helped me so much in recovery because I could see him and his friends all shamelessly enjoying their meals along with me.

I challenged myself to eat things that scared me once a week. Even if it is just a bite.

I recommend using a big Sharpie and hiding all the nutritional facts on food/drink packaging. You can also ask a friend! It feels like you will never forget those numbers, but trust me you do. It helps to also focus on all the good that is in it. Every food item holds nutrients and vital resources for us, every food item.

Keep affirming yourself, and as much as possible remove those who devalue you. It may not be completely possible, but even so keep adding the people into your life who treat you and your body with respect.

I know you can get through this. You are so much more than your disorder, and I can't wait to see how you grow.

Best,

Evan