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deathbxnny · 2 months ago

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Hiya! Can I request Lynette, Kaeya, and Ayaka with a sibling!reader who sleep talks in their sleep?

I was inspired by my sibling who sleep talks the most random stuff in their sleep. We both shared a room together when we were younger, so I had heard some of the stuff they say. While my sibling never said if i myself sleep talk but apparently my assigned roommate yesterday told me they possibly? heard me sleep talk.. I wonder if it's genetic?

context:

Write however you want but please make what reader say either funny ("seelies taste like mist flower core") or heartwarming ("I'm so glad we're siblings -insert chosen character-")

Hope you have a lovely day/night!

-Flower Anon 🌸

Genshin characters with a sibling that talks in their sleep. | Kaeya, Ayaka, Lynette x Gn!Reader

Hello Flower Anon!! Thank you for your great request, I had a lot of fun writing this!<33

Content: Sibling reader, platonic relationships, unserious, sfw

Reader has no set pronouns!

((Not proofread))

》KAEYA

Said man was used to your rather odd sleeping habits since you were children in the dawn winery. Sleep talking was the norm for you, and whilst it usually was only a couple of words, it was still hilarious every time. This time, however, you actually spoke in whole sentences in your sleep during a sleepover at his humble home.

"... I want to eat snow so I can grow taller..." You whispered in the dead of night whilst he was busy completing the last of his paperwork. His head tilted to you in confusion, your back turned to him as you spoke. Were you asleep? He was unsure. "Hm? Why's that?" "Milk... makes you taller... and snow is white... so it's milk." Ah, you were definitely asleep. And quite responsive at that! Snorting, he put down his pen and crossed his arms, body leaning back in absolute amusement. "Oh? I didn't know that." "Many don't... no one can know this secret..." "I see, who told you about it though?" "... The snowmen. They are watching."

Kaeya raised a brow at the ominous message yet it took everything in him not to burst into laughter. You certainly wouldn't remember saying any of that in the morning... but he would for sure.

》Lynette

"If I drank all the sea water in Fountaine, would the fish float in place?" Silence overtook the bedroom you shared with your sister, who was very much unamused. She just wanted to sleep, and yet, your mind didn't let her even in your sleep. Deciding to ignore you, she pulled the blankets over her head and prayed you'd stop soon. But alas, you still had a lot more to share. "I think they will, because they can actually fly and are lying to us..." More silence, and the girl had to realise that you were in a better mood than usual. It wasn't abnormal for you to talk in your sleep but this was getting ridiculous!

Taking a deep breath, she lowered her blankets and gave your sleeping form an unimpressed glance. "Stay quiet and go to sleep properly." She muttered, but you clearly didn't seem to hate her properly in your dreams. "And you know what...? If the fish can fly... then Freminet can probably fly, too... oh my god, he can-" You were shaken from your deep sleep by a door slamming shut, as your sister fast walked down to another room with her blankets in hand.

You had the nerve to ask her why she left in the morning, clearly not remembering what happened, but she simply ignored you as a response with a tired huff.

》AYAKA

The one time you and Ayaka were sleeping in the same room, it definitely took her by surprise to see you sleep talking. It was certainly not common in the family. But what worried her the most were your ominous words. "What-" "-The birds... are walking towards us." You hummed into the darkness of the room, making your sister sit up in confusion. Had she accidentally left the door to the outside open? No way... she would've noticed the strong wind seeping in. She couldn't make out your form in the dimness of the room and therefore assumed that you were awake at first. "Uhm... where are they?" "They are on my head now, all three of them... and they can sing... but they are also red, so they shouldn't be able to."

Blinking, Ayaka slowly turned to your form next to her and out a hand on your shoulder carefully. Leaning forward, she could only barely see your closed eyes, which confirmed that you were indeed sleeping. Ah, so that was it... you were somehow sleep talking? "Oh... well, tell them you have to sleep." "Okay..." With a small hiccup, you relaxed back into a deep sleep, and the silence was deafening.

She definitely brought it up to an awfully amused Ayato the next morning, who reassured that this was normal for you. Expect to be teased about it, too.

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whalesforhands · 1 year ago

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MY GOD YOUR GETO X READER X GOJI FICS SCRATCH AN ITCH IN MY BRAIN AND THE SHOKO CRUSH ADDITION?!?!? ABSOLUTELY DIVINE I TELL YOU!!!! Part 3 had me hurting ngl like ouch man but it inspired some angst *rubs hands evilly* what if one day after a tough mission reader is just feeling super down and tired and weak and is abt to cry and runs into Gojo and Geto who (not knowing any better) start teasing her abt her abilities and cursed technique etc not knowing her mental state and she just snaps and starts crying and yelling at them abt if all they think of her is a joke then they should just leave her alone instead of messing around with her feelings and runs off. Shoko is the one to find her and comforts her while Gojo and Geto are left gobsmacked and stricken with guilt. I’ll let you imagine how they realize what idiots they are and try to fix their huge screwup. Also I’m so glad you’re writing for Geto x reader x Gojo there’s hardly any fics on here with that pairing and not smut (not that I don’t love that too but I want PAIN and DRAMA and SHENANIGANS) and your fics give me just that so ty

anon i’m going to cry i finally got another ask. i thought ppl hated me bro. ur so cute for such a detailed and compliment filled ask, anon

i write 2 gs x reader bcs it never feels right knowing that they are without each other. i need them to be happy 😭😭

anyways, eat up

dread creeps around the corner (gojo x reader x geto, shoko x reader)

warnings: angst to fluff, y’all making me consider quitting smut writing to become a full time PG writer cause these are way more fun

You think the weariness of life is catching up to you.

Your body felt heavy, your feet dragging as your back was hunched over. Your staff strapped to your back as your eyesight started to blur.

Your backpack seems even heavier today too. You were sure you packed light.

Another mission, another near-miss. How many times would you be able to just make it out with your life? How many times until your luck finally ran out?

Why weren’t you improving? Why weren’t your techniques breaking past their limit quicker? What are you doing wrong?

Why are you so weak?

Perhaps you just aren’t cut out for savi- No.

You shake your head, trying to rid yourself of those thoughts as you sense the familiar energy begin to surround you.

“Little Miss Barrierrrrrr!” An arm latched itself onto your shoulders as weight suddenly pressed itself down onto you, the sudden pressure causing you to stumble backwards, only for the arm to support you and keep you upright on your feet.

“How was your mission?” Gojo’s loud voice rang throughout your ears, it’s sheer volume grating and painful. His hand going round to the strap of your backpack, tugging it off of you and onto his own shoulder.

The other presence flanked your side, before you felt the weight of your staff disappear from your back, leaving you empty handed as the two sorcerers smiled down at you.

You took a breath in.

“It… It was-“ Horrible. Tragic. You survived by the skin of your teeth once again. You struggled to find the strength to describe it in more detail.

“Fine.”

Gojo grins as you felt Geto’s hand pat your head.

“Sounds like code for, ‘You struggled!’” He laughs, patting your back. “My Six Eyes tell me your cursed energy barely improved after that mission too. Should I ask Yaga to assign you harder ones? Maybe with us?”

Your body stills. It… Barely improved? You gave that mission your best shot.

You heard Suguru laugh as he smacked Satoru’s arm, ridding his arm off your shoulder as he replaced it with his own.

“It’s alright,” Suguru began. “Don’t listen to him. Improving takes time anyway.”

Takes… Time? How hypocritical does he have to be to tell you that? He, along with the gifted Gojo Satoru, had immense cursed energy from the beginning. Their talent innate, their improvement expedited with little to no training.

Self-sufficient, talented, never having to try too hard to far surpass the standards of average. Exceptional. Things that you never were, never will be.

Frustration had built up, your emotions starting to light aflame. With desperation, with aggravation. Why did it always feel like they looked down upon you?

“Helloooo? Earth to Miss Protection? Ya there?” Gojo waved his hand in front of your face.

Seeing no response, he reached a hand out to caress your cheek.

“Gosh, if you’re going to be so distracted, I might just ki-“

You slap his hand away before he could touch you. Eyes alight with anger, you looked straight at him, throwing Geto’s arm off your shoulders.

“If you think I’m so weak, then just leave me alone!”

The air grew tense. Your tears were beginning to well up.

“I- I know I’m weak, okay?! You don’t have to rub it in all the time! B-but I’ve tried! I’ve tried too hard for you to tell me that I’m not doing enough!” The dam broke, your cheeks streaked with your tears as your stutters caused you to grow embarrassed.

Why can’t you even express your anger more courageously?

You turned tailed and ran away. Your sobs making themselves more apparent the more you ran, the more your legs burned.

You were such an embarrassment.

Settling by a creek, your legs bundled up to your chest as you cried into your knees. You don’t know how long you’ve been here crying your stress out. Your eyes were puffy, stress not leaving your body as you sat still, listening to the gentle pitter patter of the rain beginning to fall upon you.

Can the day really not get any worse?

You wanted to laugh at yourself as you felt the rain begin to drench your uniform. It was your last clean one. You need to do the laundry again soon.

As the rain poured down on you, it suddenly stopped. A shadow had overcome your figure, providing you shelter.

Cigarette smoke and a hint of a citrusy fragrance.

Shoko.

“I thought I’d find you here.”

You stay silent. You didn’t expect to be found. Nor did you even feel like talking right now. You bury your face deeper into your folded arms, trying to hide. You don’t want to be seen as weak by Shoko.

It stays that way for a moment. Silent, besides the gentle patter of the rain.

“It’s not,” She began. “It’s not weak to cry when you’re sad. Not in front of me.” Assurance. She was comforting you.

You felt her settle next to you, getting her skirt wet.

She gently adjusted your head to rest on her shoulder.

“Cry all you want. I’ll be here.”

And you did. Sobbing, fingers digging into her uniform as your tears and snot mixed into her clothing.

You didn’t notice her other shoulder getting wet with rain as she held the umbrella up over the both of you.

——

You were holding her arm with both of your own as she walked you back to the dorms.

You were ready to take a shower, collapse onto your bed and cry even more. Too much stress has built up.

What you didn’t expect was to see the duo settled on your carpeted floor.

They scrambled up to their feet almost instantaneously.

You sniffled, your eyes red and weary as you held Shoko’s arm tighter.

Geto spoke first, a hand of his outstretched to touch you before he willed it back to his side. “I- We’re very sorry. It wasn’t our intention to hurt you.”

He never wanted to make you feel inferior.

Gojo’s eyes were downcast, sight seemingly stuck to the floor before he raised his gaze to be directly looking at you.

“You’re not weak. You just need more training.”

Geto elbowed his side as you heard Shoko sighed exasperatedly beside you.

“Ow!” The white haired sorcerer exclaimed. “Oh, and uh, I- I’m sorry… Too.” He rubbed at his torso where Suguru had landed his hit.

“Hopeless…” You heard her murmur. Strangely, you didn’t feel taken aback by Gojo’s seemingly insincere apology.

You found it funny. You giggled, desperately trying to not let them see as a hand came up to slap itself over your mouth, your eyes beginning to light up with joy.

“It’s-“ You tried to speak through your silent laughter. “It’s- Okay.” Getting ahold of yourself, you remove your hand.

“I forgive you.” You smiled.

“We bought you pizza as an apology by the way.”

“You’ll join us, right?”

masterlist

Note:

Geto, Gojo and Shoko thought your laughter was cute, especially after seeing how hard you cried.

Surprisingly, Geto and Gojo were fighting over who was to pay for the pizzas. They both wanted to pay for you. Shoko watched, amused by their fighting as she paid for it at the counter whilst they were too busy wrestling.

You never thought you’d get so hungry after crying so hard. You ate nearly half of the whole damn thing before Geto went to order some more.

Gojo thought it was adorable how you were stuffing your cheeks like a pig.

Shoko licked some sauce off your face as you were eating, you blushed so hard and told her she’d make an amazing wife.

“Just because of some sauce?!?! I can do that too-!”

#geto x reader x gojo #geto x reader #gojo x reader #getou suguru x reader x gojo satoru #shoko ieiri x reader #jjk x reader #getou suguru x reader #gojo satoru x reader #whalewrites #satosugu x reader #dyf au

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ganeshpnf · 2 months ago

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Hiii! What do you think about the movie cast and show cast? Which one do you love more if you have to compare?

Hi anon! And...wow. I dont talk about this much but if I would, I need to make some warnings first. My blog is not open for talking bad, hating for any actors. Anyone who sees this post are free to share their own thoughts, whatever you agree with me or not. But please, be respectful, to all actors and to people say their own personal thoughts. And remember, whatever you like it or not, they are still in characters of the movie and show universe. You have to show your respect. Bad writing, bad plot, inaccuracy is never the actors' fault, they are just doing their jobs. So please, be respectful. Dont forget that people can have opinions, unless they talk bad to any actor, it should be respected. You are all free. I also gotta say that I love every single actor, for the movie and the show, they are all amazing :) But if I had to compare their acting or how I see them most of the time, long post so lets goo!

1- Logan(movie Percy) and Walker(show Percy)

Both of the actors are really talented. Walker is known with his personality and I agree, during interviews and his daily life. But personally, I dont think the same in the show. I know, bad writing, but still. Logan is exactly what I see hoo Percy, his humor and his iconic lines. While Walker also threw some good Percy sass, I would still have to pick Logan. He is too iconic for me.

2-Alexandra(movie Annabeth) and Leah(show Annabeth)

First, kudos to the both actors since they got so many hate and still stayed so strong. Both of them inspired so many things in me, I am so so proud of both of them.

Now, this is hard because both of these woman also had a very big problem with bad bad bad bad writing. Their characters were butchered up and it was not their fault. Both of their acting was perfect. But, Alexandra did a bit better in my eyes with her acting. While I adore Leah, she seemed a bit flat to me. I believe with time, she would get better, but for now, I'll have to pick Alexandra.

3- Brandon(movie Grover) and Aryan(show Grover)

I know this is not Brandon's fault but making Grover with full of sexual jokes was not my favourite thing. He is hilarious to watch, yes. But part of his character angered me. I think Aryan did better in this, he would do even better. His grover made more sense in me, so I will pick Aryan.

4-Leven(movie Clarisse) and Dior(show Clarisse)

This is so hard, because both of them were fantastic. I think I will make it tie. I had tiny "issues" with both, maybe some cringe moments but its mostly because of the writing. Other than that, I cant pick. Leven's attitude and Dior's that powerful scream, its a tie.

5-Jake(movie Luke) and Charlie(show Luke)

Charlie is an amazing actor, his Luke was written to be a bit more sympathic. If I have to talk about Luke, it would make a whole another long post, but Jake's Luke gave me much more Luke vibes. Not only because he is almost exactly with how I imagine him, but also with his attitude, funny remarks about his father which completely summed up his relationship with his father. So I have to pick Jake, he is way too iconic for me.

6-Pierce(movie Chiron) and Glynn(show Chiron)

Well, I know second movie changed the actor but Pierce is special to me because he is THE Chiron in my eyes. He looked exactly of what I imagined, he looked ancient with long hair and I adore it. Glynn's Chiron's acting was a bit soft in my eyes, I wish we got to see him organize the camp more, training the heros etc. Pierce's scene with him training the demigods, I adore it, so I go with Pierce.

7-Stanley(movie Mr.D) and Jason(show Mr.D)

Hmmm, I think I would choose Jason since his lines were a bit more iconic, he slayed with his acting. For Stanley's defense, we didnt see him much, but still I gotta choose, so Jason.

8- Uma(movie Medusa) and Jessica(show Medusa)

I think I already said here that how much I adore Uma's Medusa. I think cgi was a lot better, despite it being 2010. I didnt like Jessica's Medusa since it was too Ovid's story, I really do not like that version :( Uma's acting, snakes were better in my eyes so I choose her.

9-Sean(movie Zeus) and Lance(show Zeus)

First of all, rest in peace Lance :( I adored him in every single project, he was perfect. I first watched him in "Young Sheldon" and not to mention he slayed as his performance in Zeus. About Sean though, he is the Zeus I see most of the time, I love him, his power in the throne room scene, perfection, him threating Poseidon...I would go with Sean.

10- Kevin(movie Poseidon) and Toby(show Poseidon)

This is also so hard because I literally...cant choose? Like Kevin's first scene is just so powerful and gave me the Poseidon immediatly. But Toby...his scene with Sally, I just cant. Its a tie, sorry.

11- Steve(movie Hades) and Jay(show Hades)

Look, I love the actors but...I really dont see both of them as Hades in my eyes? One of them was too evil, other one was too silly. Like okay, I accept them as Hades, in other universes. But I cant compare them, so you can call it a tie.

12-Catherine(movie Sally) and Virgiana(show Sally)

I love Catherine, she is so close to what I see when I think of Sally. But Virgiana...She was just perfect. I had some issues of her character but thats an another topic. For now, I pick Virgiana.

I cant think of more of the main cast but I need a moment to talk about movie Athena because I think she is too underestimated. Like she is perfect, THE Athena. She looks exactly like her, she is just too dam sweet. I love her so so much.

This is it. Im no fan of both of this adaptations tbh, but actors are all so great and talented! My fav adaptation would always be musical, I would talk about it one day.

Please remember to be respectful, you are all free to share your own thoughts :)

#pjo #annabeth chase #percy jackson #grover underwood #zeus pjo #athena pjo #poseidon pjo #hades pjo #dionysus pjo #sally jackson #clarisse la rue #luke castellan #logan lerman #walker scobell #I cant tag them all help #actors #pjo actors #ask

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platoapproved · 1 month ago

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Where did you get the inspiration for lestat in “even the iron still fears the rot”?

Specifically ch 1/3: “He muddled through all on his own. He let his body be his guide, taking note of every instinct and working back from there.”/“But he bore it. What other choice did he have?”/“Lestat was tired of memory and suffering; it was not like him to wallow. He had always before found some way to wrench happiness from the unfeeling world. He was ready to laugh again, to frolic, to rejoice.”/“Lestat did not often dwell on his own poor choices. He did what he believed was best in the moment—often without a great deal of forethought—and dealt with the consequences, whatever they might be. An easy philosophy to champion when the punishment landed on him alone.”/“Could he have prevented this, if he had just been honest?”/“What a fool he’d been.”/“Never again would he play Cinderella’s stepsister, lopping off parts of himself to fit someone else’s impossibly small slipper.”/“He was going to suck every last drop of happiness from the world, and damn anyone who tried to stop him.”

Some of these feel obvious, but i would still love to hear your process of writing!

GOSH this is very flattering, anon! I will do my best to answer thoroughly, though with many of these I'm not really drawing on specific canon moments...

“He muddled through all on his own. He let his body be his guide, taking note of every instinct and working back from there.”

A lot of what I wanted to do in this fic is kind of explore Lestat's first days as a vampire in a way that marries what he described in the TV adaptation and what is there in The Vampire Lestat. In the book, Magnus gives at least a few instructions before his suicide; in the show Lestat says he didn't tell him about vampire physiology and gave him 'no rules, no counsel'. So I thought, if the latter is true, how did Lestat figure out how to survive in those first few days? He would've had hints from observing Magnus - drinking blood, hunting at night etc. - but the rest he would just need to figure out on the fly. Lack of education is a really big and sensitive topic in Lestat's life, and that applies to surviving as a vampire as much as it does to reading.

“But he bore it. What other choice did he have?”

Another thing I wanted to TRY to show was how Lestat becomes the person we see him being in season 1 of the show. Like, a trajectory from the rather sweet generous naive human guy he is early in TVL to the jaded, guarded, selfish, hedonistic, human-hating sadist he is in New Orleans. He tells Louis and Claudia that he didn't want to be a vampire or feed on people, that he was repulsed by it early on. So this is showing him at that stage, still seeing his human victims as people and horrified to take their lives, in a way that mirrors Louis later on. This is the starting point, to give contrast when his opinions start to change.

“Lestat was tired of memory and suffering; it was not like him to wallow. He had always before found some way to wrench happiness from the unfeeling world. He was ready to laugh again, to frolic, to rejoice.”

IWTV is so fascinating to me in part because it shows how different people react to trauma in radically different ways. At this point, Lestat is in such a bad place, but his way of handling it is to throw himself into denial and hedonism. It puts him in an interesting place to see Armand as this fun sexy stranger who is something to focus on to avoid thinking about everything that happened with Magnus and how his life is falling apart. That's an interesting ground, to me, for the very start of their relationship: Lestat seeing Armand as a means to an end (a self-indulgent distraction) rather than... a person with his own perspective and needs and experience, etc.

“Lestat did not often dwell on his own poor choices. He did what he believed was best in the moment—often without a great deal of forethought—and dealt with the consequences, whatever they might be. An easy philosophy to champion when the punishment landed on him alone.”

Lestat is impulsive. He acts without thinking and sometimes that is hilarious and sometimes it is..... not. This is, to me, the core of Lestat as a character. I like the idea of him being aware of it, but also having no inclination to change.

“Could he have prevented this, if he had just been honest?"

In a rare moment, Lestat is blaming himself unnecessarily. Honestly, the Children of Darkness were going to come after him one way or another. Him telling Nicki that he was turned imho wouldn't have prevented Armand's actions...

“What a fool he’d been.”

This is where Lestat's hurt over Nicki is starting to calcify into some pretty toxic beliefs about relationships. Lestat considered Nicki's needs above his own while he was alive and Nicki secretly resented it; Lestat regrets not spending more of his mortal life looking after his own happiness and is bitter over prioritizing his lover. So this is Lestat looking at all that and telling himself 'it's foolish to deny yourself things if it will make your lover happy, you should put yourself first always'. So much of how he mistreats Louis is a response to his relationship with Nicki imho and I wanted to show those threads.

“Never again would he play Cinderella’s stepsister, lopping off parts of himself to fit someone else’s impossibly small slipper.”

More of the same as the last quote, really. In some ways, Lestat's commitment to be 100% himself without censorship or shame is a wonderful thing. But he's also starting to associate... any kind of compromise or accommodation of a partner as mutilating himself. Positioning getting everything he wants and doing whatever he wants as his own safety / wholeness. Especially in this last chapter, I wanted it to be romantic but also for the reader to hopefully get a sense of... it's moving past liberation and self-acceptance and into deep selfishness and a refusal to acknowledge that the needs of others matter.

“He was going to suck every last drop of happiness from the world, and damn anyone who tried to stop him."

This also is along that same theme: Lestat is re-evaluating his private entertainment and joy and freedom as the most important thing in the world, regardless of how cruel or selfish it may make him to others. He's not going to be mourning over the humans he eats or making compromises etc. But also... I feel like a lot of what I'm saying in this post is underlining the negative, because I feel like that's the easier bit to overlook in the context of the fic. But... Lestat living to the fullest and embracing his life as a vampire is also kind of a good thing! Him wanting to look after his own happiness is not bad! It's just... he takes it too far, and there are consequences.

This is very long winded and probably not nearly as articulate or as insightful as you might have wished but I hope it is at least a little interesting to you, anon!

#asks #my fic #rose rambles #this is..... so long i'm sorry lol

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apprenticestanheight · 6 months ago

Text

Good News - Chainshipping

Ooooookay!! This was born of an idea I had m o n t h s ago but then I tried to write it (I feel like it's one of the chainshipping fics I have here but I can't remember) and it went in a different direction and, as I usually tend to do, I gave it as close to a happy ending as I was willing and able.

This, however? nah. I haven't cried for a serious reason (this is very serious to me!!) in a good bit so. here we have this. To the anon who sent in a req for heavy chainshipping angst, the concept of this fic was brought back around into the handy dandy mental space because of you and I hope you like it!

Title was riffed from the song Good News by Julien Baker, by which this fic is not directly inspired (I listened to it while writing this fic,, at least the start) but might have a similar vibe to.

Fic type - this is straight out angst with maybe a cathartic and kind of hopeful end?? idk but I know that it's all angst until the last scene and even then, the angst is still present there.

Warnings - mentions of drugs and drug use (morphine is mentioned once in a hospital setting and weed is mentioned a lot), addiction is referenced (both in Gabrielas case and also in Adam talking about being borderline addicted to his pain meds and his weed dependency not being a dependency but more an addiction), and this is fairly time-jumpy bc every scene takes place at a slightly different time than the last, which is clarified! The second half is probably not that great in terms of proofreading and editing, this one is hot off the press (I finished it, went to type up the authors note, and rushed to post bc I want this out of my brain) and might not be super good bc I don't doubt that I've missed a few things.

The first thing that Adam registers when he wakes up is a white-hot, raging pain that starts in his shoulder and manages to radiate down his arm til it reaches the nerve endings in his fingers. The second thing he registers is the feeling of someones hand, holding tightly onto one of his own--not the one that's in pain, thank fuck--and the sound of their breathing, somehow both quick and laboured at the same time.

The third thing he registers is a tube shoved down his throat. The second he registers that, the anxiety sets in. He forces his hand out of the grasp of the person who's holding onto it and tries to grab at the tube like his life depends on it, because for a second, he feels like it does.

"Adam," a voice whispers. He blinks his eyes open, turns in the direction of the voice, but it takes a few seconds for the image to blur into focus. "Adam--it's a breathing tube, keeping your lungs from collapsing. Relax, honey."

He stills when he realizes who it is. It's his mother, who he hasn't seen in almost a decade.

He glares at her for a second, but then he hears the resoundingly soft click! of a button, and five minutes later, a glorious-adjacent high sets in. Adam figures out as the haze takes him over that a morphine button is somewhere near his bed, is grateful for it despite the lingering confusion.

"Rest up," she says. "I'll be here until you fall asleep, okay? And I promise not to bug you after. I just heard you'd been found and I needed to see that for myself."

Adam lets sleep take him over--he's pretty much confined to his bed, and while he hates it, he knows he has no other choice, really, and the exhaustion creeps up on him before he can even register it.

A few long weeks go by, and by the time he's discharged from the hospital and complete with the necessary physical therapy to rehabilitate his arm and make sure his shoulder is working right, it's the very beginning of December.

Part of him wonders where Lawrence is--did he make it out? Was cutting his foot off worth it in the end? They're things he wonders about late at night, when the insomnia takes over and he resists the urge to climb out onto his fire escape and smoke as many joints as he can in order to sleep without fucking up his liver.

He doesn't go to therapy right out the gate, doesn't even think to do it for those first few weeks, when his doctor is checking in on him every single morning when their shift starts and every evening when it ends, when a psychiatrist comes in once every few days and tries to help him process the memories that he'd taken to vehemently avoiding.

But then, on the walk home from one of Scotts concerts, he sees an ad posting for a Jigsaw support group. It's the next day, runs from seven to nine, and the church basement it's held in is only five minutes down the road from his apartment.

He decides he'll go, part of him gunning for the mere thought of seeing Lawrence--a Jigsaw support group would be exactly the kind of place Lawrence would go after experiencing something so traumatic as the goings on of that bathroom. It's the one surefire spot Adam is betting on, but he tries to stop himself.

He doesn't know what's happened to Lawrence, not really. Lawrence hasn't reached out and Adam has made no effort to do the same for fear of rejection. He figures he could ask around at the support group, holds onto the off chance that someone there knows him or at least knows what happened, somehow.

As he gets undressed, opting to wear a pair of sweatpants and a basic black shirt, he knows that he, realistically, has no valid reason to speculate on the state of Lawrences well being, if there even is a well being upon which to speculate. If he wants to hear from Lawrence--which he does, more than anything--then he can do either of two things. He can wait for Lawrence to reach out, or he can try to do it himself.

He goes to sleep, telling himself he'll look through the phone book before he goes to work tomorrow.

Looking through the phone book doesn't yield much--it yields a number with a voicemail that hasn't been updated since the mid-nineties, at least, which is enough to make him laugh depressedly because mid-nineties Lawrence is not the Lawrence he knew, but the one that had existed about five years beforehand.

The support group meeting is, surprisingly, decent. He sits, for two hours, in a room full of people who understand what he's gone through. He shares his own story for the first time, breathes himself through the roughened edges and the sharp points that threaten to stab him in the chest when he thinks about it.

Talking about it, he realizes, is good for him, like the psychiatrist had said it might turn out to be. He goes home feeling the full weight of that day, which is something that he hates more than he hates himself, but he also feels a little vindicated.

The next two meetings go like that as well--Adam talks, warms up a bit slower than butter left on the counter to thaw after having spent many-a-week at the bottom of a large-capacity freezer.

At the end of December, the day after Christmas, it's the groups last meeting of the year and the first with a newcomer since Adam came along at the beginning of the month.

The newbie sits next to him, and he doesn't really bother to notice them, figures he'll pay more attention when they speak a little bit and focuses instead on sipping his coffee, focuses loosely on the delight he feels at the thought of the support groups carrot muffins that they bring out for people to eat at around 8:30, at which point the group kind of disperses to talk amongst themselves.

The instructor is a guy named Paul, and he's 35 and balding. He claims to be one of Jigsaws first survivors, having been tested around '99. Adam doesn't really believe it--Jigsaws first recorded victim would've been around early 2000, if a little bit later into that year, but he digresses. If someone or multiple someones want to pretend to be his victims, Jigsaw and his followers will take matters into their own hands eventually, be it in the name of revenge or some twisted kind of retribution.

He notices the newbie, and like he did when Adam was new, he singles her out in a way that she probably won't realize was him doing so until later, just like Adam had that first meeting.

"My name is Gabriela," she says. "I'm from Mexico. I came to New Jersey to get away from my life there--I couldn't take it."

The admission makes Paul smile softly, nod like he understands even though Adam knows, from his New Yorkian accent, that it's the farthest he's travelled between there and Jersey.

"And we're all here to support you through your troubles," he says. "Why were you tested?"

"I'd rather not--" Gabriela pauses. Adam looks at her, studies her, and sees a few scars lining her face. "I was cruel to him. I was part of the Pederson project and struggled with an addiction. He tested me and my friends at the beginning of October. Most of them died."

"The Pederson project?" Paul asks. "Whats that?"

"Something--" tears well up in her eyes, and Adam, on impulse, reaches a hand out and grabs hers. She looks at him then, stark brown eyes meeting his own. Adam has a thought that she looks like a deer in headlights. "I--I was desperate for money. I did what I thought I had to do, and then he made me pay the price."

"I lost someone too, I think," Adam laughs. "My trap mate. His name was Lawrence, and I can't figure out if he's alive or not. I watched him cut off his foot."

Gabriela smiles. Adam glances at Paul, briefly, and shrugs.

"Maybe she won't be as quick to open up as I was," he says. "Give her time."

Paul nods once, and their interactions end. Gabriela keeps a hold on Adams hand and Adam lets her, remembering what it was like in those first couple of weeks after--hell, he's still technically in that rough spot, but it's at least a little better than it was, even if it's still shit.

Yeah, Adam can't really take showers or baths yet, and yeah, that means he's had to use strawberry scented make up wipes to keep himself smelling not-rancid, and dry shampoo to keep his hair from being a greasy mop on his head, but it's better.

His shoulder hurts all the time, but it's not the pain he woke up with that first day. Every nightmare is worse than the last, but at least he's getting two hours of sleep a night now instead of a maximum of 30 minutes. He has to go against himself, go against his natural sense of pessimism and he has to choose optimism or he won't be able to keep going.

Optimism, taking the wins where he can, is what has kept him going for the past ten weeks. It kept him sane when he was trapped in the dark, and it's kept him sane ever since.

When the meeting ends, Gabriela stays close, which is something she's trying to be covert about but Adam notices. He doesn't let it irritate him as he gets more coffee, as he eats his carrot muffin and talks to Amanda Young, a girl who'd been in a trap only a few weeks before he had. He stays behind to help Paul and the others stack up their chairs and sweep the floor just in case, and Gabriela winds up staying.

She finally gets the nerve to talk to him about two seconds after he's left the church basement, has gone to sit in the pews that are empty of anyone. He hates churches, normally, but this one is oddly comforting when it's either nearly or totally empty. It's quiet in the same way the world is after snow has fallen, which is a quiet Adam has long appreciated.

"How do you deal with it?" she asks. She's sitting in the pew behind him, her hood tucked over her head to cover her hair. "I've been trying to since the start of October, when it happened, and I just--I don't know how."

"Well, first off, Jersey was about the worst place you could've wound up in," Adam laughs a little. "Most of his crimes take place in and around the general area of Jersey, but he's not the type to test people twice, as far as I know, so don't let my assholery get to you too much about that. Secondly, I'd probably argue I'm not much better than you. I was addicted to nicotine when I went in, and I've come out with something a bit worse for my liver and my lungs both."

It makes Gabriela laugh. "I'm at the hospital a lot for skin grafts," she says. "I got insurance, somehow, so I'm not drowning in debt, but I had to tell them I couldn't have any pain medication for after. I even thought anaesthesia was risky for some time."

"I had to call and get my medical bills reduced to a point where I could pay them off," Adam says. "I work in a bookstore now, and I have insurance from them as of the new year. It'll cover my meds, which I'm grateful for. We got some pretty short sticks in the game of life, but we didn't get the shortest ones."

"You don't seem like an optimistic person," Gabriela says. "You don't look like one, I mean."

"I'm not, usually," Adam says. "But until I hear that my trap mate is dead, I'm gonna choose to be optimistic because he would want me to be, dead or alive. Until I have proof that he's gone, I'm going to keep my optimism lined up with the idea that he's alive at the forefront of it's existence."

"What if he's not?" Gabriela asks. "What after that?"

"Then--fuck, I don't know. I become pessimistic and nihilistic, I guess? Jigsaw tests me again, maybe, if it gets that bad. I think, if he does, I'll fail on purpose that time. He'd better make damn sure that it's fucking fair that time around, though--no leaving the key to my chained up foot in the full fucking bathtub again, or I'll survive it just to spite the bastard."

Gabriela laughs again. Adam gets up and walks home, back to his sad little apartment.

He has to roll and smoke two over-the-top joints just to not spiral, conks right the fuck out at 9:45 on the dot.

It's the middle of January when Adam gets something in his mailbox. He grabs it along with the newspaper and doesn't really check the labelling on either, too caught up in the idea of checking his voicemails after remembering he has a landline that he hasn't used in five months, since he'd gotten a cheap Motorola and used that to make most of his calls.

So, he drops the mail on his kitchen counter top, grabs the landline and checks his voicemails.

The first couple are from his mother, one of which was back around when he was in the trap--sent a few days before, one he could halfheartedly remember giving a listen to before he was taken. His mother telling him his father wasn't angry anymore, like that would even begin to make up for a decades worth of anger from Adams childhood up until when he left.

It's the most recent one that gets his attention whip-quick. "Hi, Adam," it's Lawrences voice--not mid-nineties Lawrence, either. Lawrence from that day or at least a week or two after, the one Adam knows.

"I don't know if you were expecting this call, or if you'll even pay any mind to this voicemail, but I found your name in the phone book, and I heard you'd been rescued, and I just--I needed to call, okay? You don't have to understand, that's fine, but I just wanted to make sure you understood how sorry I am. I'm sorry to have left you to die like that, and I can't even begin to think about all of the ways you've been affected in the aftermath without getting anxious palpitations. I should've found a way to save you, and I'll regret not having done so for the rest of my life, okay? I just wanted to make sure you knew that I regretted it, and to make sure you understand that if I could go back and do it differently, I would do so in a millisecond without a moments hesitation."

Adam is so relieved to hear his voice that he almost cries--Lawrences voice is rough on the edges, ooey-gooey and warm at the centre, and it almost does him in completely.

"In another universe, I go ahead and visit you instead of leaving you a voicemail like a damn coward, but that's not this universe, and I'm sorry for it. You don't need to call me back, all right? I just needed to call and make sure I said my peace."

The voicemail beeps and ends and Adam hangs up the phone, fights the urge to lose his mind a little but keeps himself in check just long enough to check his mail, read the letter addressed to him.

It, shockingly, is from Alison, Lawrences wife.

I had a PI locate your address, it reads. He's in the hospital--his leg got infected and it spread like wildfire. I'd come and see him before the month was out if I were you, but if I'm being honest, I really don't think he'll make it more than another week. Come as soon as you can, to give him some peace of mind. He's staying at Saint Mercy-East, and the receptionist has been told to let you in when you come around.

Alison Baker (formerly Gordon)

Adam gives in. He lets himself cry until he can't, knows that he'll have to call into work just to see Lawrence. He has to do it. Lawrence is alive, if just barely, and he needs to see him in person one last time before the only rendition of Lawrence that he can see is a headstone.

Witnessing a person in palliative care is a lot more nerve-wracking than Adam first expects. Lawrence is barely awake, occasionally shifting in his hospital bed, and his skin looks grey and sullen. His breathing is laboured and a little loud, and when Adam looks at him, he feels himself cracking just a little. Adams heart breaks as he sits in the plastic chair to Lawrences left, grabs his hand and holds onto it as tightly as he thinks he can handle without breaking down.

"Hey," he whispers. "I just wanted to come down--Allison told me where you were staying, what had happened with your leg, and I figured I'd come and see you for at least half an hour."

Lawrence stills.

"I'm just gonna talk for a bit, okay?" Adam laughs at himself. "I've never done anything like this before, so I don't really know what to do."

Lawrence looks at him. His blue eyes are dull and gray and so sorrowful that it damn near kills Adam from the inside out. He realizes that Lawrence probably knows he's not got long left, if his infection has left him that lucid. Lawrence Gordon, someone who used to be sarcastic and quippy and so full of life, Adam heartbreakingly realizes, very likely knows he's dying.

"You seemed to want me to be okay in the voicemail you left," Adam says. "I just--I want you to know that I am. I'm on meds because of chronic shoulder pain and I deal with my earned amount of PTSD stuff, but I'm okay. I work in that cute little bookstore across the way from the Aldi near the heart of the city, the one that looks real small on the outside but inside is actually kind of huge? It's called Romeros, and I've got insurance and PTO and all of that shit."

Lawrence smiles gently. Adam keeps going.

"I take photos of stray cats pretty much exclusively now," he says. "And I go to a support group to help me deal with the PTSD stuff. If you've been worried, you don't need to be anymore. I'm on the path to learning how to be okay, and it was just really important to me for you to know that. I don't want to lose you when it feels like I've just gotten you back, but this is probably gonna be the only time I visit. I love you, dude."

Adam squeezes Lawrences hand just a bit tighter.

He stays with Lawrence from the beginning of visiting hours til Lawrences heart gives out near their end. Adam watches, in a panic, as the doctors go about protocol for a DNR.

In the end, Adam is still in the room when a nurse says the unthinkable.

"Time of death: 18:04 PM, January 15th."

And then, just like that, Adam has to face a reality he's spent the last several months not wanting to confront, hating the very idea of.

Lawrence Gordon is dead. He's gone, and there's nothing Adam can do about it.

Adam can't pull himself together enough to go to the funeral. He receives an invite in the mail initially, then a copy of Lawrences obituary and the address to where he's been buried a few weeks later.

Grief, he finds, is an ugly little thing. It makes him a bit more dependent on the weed than normal, closes him off at the support group and makes him volatile on his worst nights because he hates it. He hates that he has to grieve at all, really.

Lawrence had managed to survive that bathroom. He'd mustered up the strength to cut his own foot off, and God repaid him with an infection of what remained of that leg spreading through his body and killing him? He'd survived cutting off his own foot just to die four months later? That feels like bullshit to Adam, and he hates it.

Eventually, when the anger isn't all consuming, he leaves his apartment. He stops and buys a few flowers from a convenience store, and then he goes and visits Lawrences grave.

LAWRENCE GORDON

LOVING HUSBAND, FATHER, AND SON

He sets the flowers down, reads the lettering engraved on the stone.

"I've been dealing with a lot since you passed," Adam says. He sits down in front of the head stone, careful in the motions. He runs his hands over a newly buzzed head, the hair having grown out past it's due and the cheapest option having been to take a pair of clippers to it instead of getting it cut. "Uh--I just kind of wanted to stop by for a second. I don't know if I'll ever do this again, but I kind of thought I owed it to you a little bit."

Jersey is riding out the coattails of winter now, the grass dotted with snow, but Adam doesn't really care. It's sunny out and there's an icy breeze to go with it, but it's a nice day, everything else considered.

"I've been closed off from it all--I hate thinking about you right now because your death feels like bullshit," Adam laughs. "You survived everything from that day, just as well as I did, and yet you're dead from an infection in your stump that'd radiated through the rest of your body before you could stop it, and I'm still alive. You're dead and in the ground and I'm alive and borderline addicted to the pain meds I use for my shoulder and so dependent on weed that it's long teetered past a dependency. It feels unfair."

If anyone, Lawrence should be the one who got to stay alive.

"Up until you died, after the support group was done, I'd leave the church basement and go into the church itself. I'd always sit in an empty pew and just watch," he says. "They had a candle vigil at the front, and sometimes survivors who'd gone to the support group would light candles for their trap mates who hadn't made it. I have a friend, Gabriela, who lights candles after every meeting. She whispers their names, too. Valentina. Mateo. She even lights one for the only other not-jackass survivor, named Diego."

He feels really dumb. Like--the dumbest he's ever felt dumb, but he just keeps talking.

"I don't know if I'll ever do it, but I think someday I might. Alison hates you, even though she was kind to you in your last days, and both of your parents are gone, so it kind of feels like I'm the only person who knew you that can remember you without feeling disdain. If I light one of those stupid little tea candles, you'd better show me a fuckin' sign, even though I don't believe in that shit. I love you, Lawrence, but I'm not going to risk burning my finger on a Dollar Tree match if you don't make it worth it."

He laughs at himself, shakes his head. "I'm going to go to a meeting," he says as he gets up. "Maybe open up a little bit. Have fun doing whatever it is your doing on the other side of this God awful, relentless mortal coil."

Adam doesn't open up in support group that day--the wounds are still too fresh to bear, and he doesn't think he'll be able to talk about Lawrence for another very long while, but at least he admits it to himself.

He follows Gabriela to the vigil that night, though. She has an arm around his waist, holds onto him like she's scared he's going to fall apart. He's a bit scared of falling apart, too, if he's honest, so he just lets her.

She lights a match, goes about lighting the candles one by one. Valentina. Mateo. Diego.

She blows the match out, passes Adam the matchbox.

He takes it, strikes the match alight with the sandpaper on the side, and picks the candle closest to his right.

"Lawrence," he says gently as he lights it.

It doesn't feel like closure--not exactly, anyway--and he's sure nothing ever will. He knows that he'll feel pain every time he thinks of Lawrence for the next while, at least, but he has to learn to be okay with that or the pain will never go away.

That match, that candle? He knows they're just the first steps and that he has a long way to go, but he's fine with that. His grief and everything that's come of it can take as long as they need, he decides. He'll give himself a little bit of grace and allow at least that.

#adam stanheight #adam faulkner-stanheight #adam stanheight x lawrence gordon #lawrence gordon #chainshipping #saw (2004)#saw 2004 #saw posting #sawposting

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pygmi-says-hi · 3 months ago

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just wanted to pop in and say that I appreciate the tips you gave on flow. You answered what I needed and the tips are very helpful to me, thank you!

I'm a bit curious though—judging by your other posts, your writing seems so very intentional down to the very words used (I mean, as it should be) but are you typically thinking about all this stuff as you're writing down a first draft? Or do you just kind of word-vomit just to get all the story down first and then you consider all the technicalities when you're editing? I guess this has just turned into a 'what's your process' kind of question haha

oh hi anon! thanks for coming back!

this is gonna be the most disappointing answer ever because my process is all over the place. it depends on what I'm writing, the length, how invested I am in it....

if it's something academic.

I outline the most. I have so many sheets of notes and half-written papers before I even begin the actual rough draft. I write in just the sources, then all the connecting commentary, then I mix it up, I do a bulleted summary and then I start the draft.

If it's multi-chaptered.

I always like to have some kind of list or outline when I start. Just a general collection of plot points and only minor elaboration in case I get lost. That way I have something to stand on if I feel lost.

Big projects sometimes are hard on my confidence so I like to go scene by scene, chapter by chapter, and then the whole story. Knowing the ins and outs of my plot before I start improves my motivation and confidence with sentence choice.

It usually ends up being a word vomit initially, but as I write, I get warmed up and really start looking for the right stuff. I personally don't find the 'write whatever even if it's all messed up' advice to be helpful, because if I lean too hard into that it gets so messy I end up losing the plot.

It's a tricky balance for me, because if I get too caught up in the details before I even start, I get into my own head and lose the motivation because of all of the info. A loose structure is best.

if it's something short.

garbage. hot steaming garbage, honey. Just straight from the can, all over the page. I do not plan out one-shots or drabbles. Usually I was inspired based on a random song or picture and I go off vibes. After a moment I find a groove and go with it, but it is not uncommon for me to write and rewrite like a dozen times.

if it's something I have no idea how to do.

I have written plots that fizzle out halfway through before and at that point all I want is to go off grid from irritation. I've been a part of research papers and anthology collections that are perhaps the most confusing projects on the planet. and that's fine but I hate it actually. It kills the vibe so hard.

In these cases I just stick to what I know and go in baby steps. Taking huge bites to start gives me a writing tummy ache. I'll write a paragraph, edit it till it's polished, and move on.

I do editing phases.

Initially I get all of the typos and grammatical errors out of the way. this is when I use grammarly or something like that. it's so hard to even focus on the plot when glaring errors are in the way.

Then I go over sequencing. this is when I do not use editing software. AI does not know what this is supposed to sound like, I do.

** part of understanding how to write critically is knowing how to edit. I usually discourage using software for personal/creative writing because AI is a developing art and cannot understand abstract fiction. work those editing muscles!!!

anyway, that editing phase is for comprehension. does the sequence of events make sense? does it match up with the plot map and if not, is the deviation still comprehensible and interesting? This is when I move around dialogue and do most of my chunk deletion.

The last editing stage is flow and artsy stuff. Any interesting metaphors or text editing to help with the vibe; the finishing touches. I usually do this two or three times.

hope this helps!

xox

#writing advice #how to write #fiction writing #creative writing #on writing #thanks anon!#asks #ask me anything #writing process

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name-s-are-not-important · 3 months ago

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Woah, the anon who got mad over a story a stranger writes in their free time and posts on the internet for free, was hilarious actually. I almost laughed.

To the point: Your answer to their ask inspired me to ask my own question - would you like to maybe share some historical inspirations that lead you to create The Iron Song the way it is? Or maybe drop some more historical facts; the one about ages of royals' marriages was really neat.

Wish you a nice week, love your stories, byeee~

I laughed too, what a beautiful scene.

Oh wow, I love this question…. You have hereby opened Pandora's box, dear questioner, for this is a subject I love and could rant about endlessly. So, get ready, here's the short version :) (Thank you so much for this question!).

Alternate versions of a story when we change one detail in the whole course of events. This is a construct that has fascinated me for a long time, and which, as part of an ‘exercise’ in history and social theory repetition, I have long used. We take one event out of a process or add an event that wasn't there. What impact will it have if we leave the rest. In this case it was a change of two elements, i.e. Halt's disappearance became a more important event than in the canon because…. well… and this is where my undying love of fantasy and quasi-mythological stories reappeared, hinting at a magic-fantasy setting, but with ‘canon-ish’ realism. No dragons, but with magic. The second element to be knocked out of the sequence of events is Caitlyn's death. Caitlyn is fine and the second most important character besides Halt. What's happening politically, socially, plot-wise now that we have a strong princess who is, to put it lightly, pissed off at what happened to her dear brother. We have a mother who will fight for her child no matter what, we have a sister who will stand up against her brother to protect her brother. We have a princess for whom the nation will go to war, in an age of sexism, misogyny, patriarchy and a prevailing religion that despises women. How did this happen?

I love the role of women in history. I hate the version of history we are taught in schools, kings without mothers or wives who ruled and killed and died, and women in general were there but are not. Hundreds of books in ‘medieval’ realities wonderfully replicate this pattern. One female character per plot and that's enough. Absolutely no RA book would pass the Bechdel test. Not a single one of them. We have so many guys all birthed by women. We have a princess heir to the throne, a bunch of couriers, a queen, a queen mother…. and none are important enough to get even one scene with another woman to talk not about a guy. So my story will be half about Caitlyn, half about Halt. The sequel to ‘the Iron Song’ is already about Caitlyn. That much I can reveal. She is the main character. Give me more strong female characters who are strong beyond the fact that they say they are different from all the girls and are so much more masculine that they can deserve to be cool.

Erasing queer love in the pages of history. We know that history hates queer lovers. A few couples have managed to survive this hatred. We know that Achilles killed Hector only to avenge Patroclus. The grief of how many other Achilles was never recognised as their official reason for changing the course of history? How many Patroklos were buried in oblivion by books written before clerical historians, altered centuries later, censored and castigated? And how many women, queer women, have never moved beyond being ‘dear friends’ with their loved ones? I wanted a story where every important character would be queer. A story about a civil war heroes who met on two sides of the barricade, in love with each other and forced to fight each other. Soldiers who gave up the option of a comfortable life just to be with each other even a few days longer, in danger but together.

Again women, but this time mothers. Such as Eileen, but also such as Caitlyn, and such as Rosalind, and such as Siobhan, and such as several others whose names the plot has not yet given us. Women who was never cared about and whose names we don't know or remember because no one considered them important enough to be recorded in history.

The tragedy of civil wars. My country's history is littered with uprisings. For more than a century we did not exist on maps, trapped under the occupation of three other countries. When ww1 erupted, people called to serve in the occupying forces were pitted against each other. Shoulder to shoulder with the people who had occupated them, but against their neighbours who already belonged to another country. Brothers against brothers, acquaintances, friends. All because someone in power decided the fate of hundreds of thousands. The canon speaks of civil war, but from the POV of a king betrayed by a baron. I like Duncan, I love Duncan, but he was not the person most devastated by the war. He lost his wife later, but saved his daughter. Thousands of people went to fight for him and never came back…. In the history of probably every country there are plenty of dates marked with the notation ‘war’. The king died, long live the king. How many hundreds lay in the ground splashed with the blood of other hundreds is irrelevant to history. What matters is that the king is still there. And if he is gone, another one will be put on the throne.

Religious trauma. Yes, generational, and that of mine a little too. Without going into private details, the topic of religious trauma and its impact on society and the formation of social, behavioural and even legal norms is something that has interested me for a long time. This time I created a new religion, just for the purpose of this story. I was not inspired by any existing religion and if there are elements in common with any, it is a work of chance. This religion was meant to be the most atrocious form of violence against the most innocent, so that the full extent of the revulsion of what kind of person still supports it can be seen. The idea of cutting a child with a knife to rub an infusion of herbs and incense into the wound is meant to horrify and disgust. We experience this religion from the POV of people who have been harmed by it. Directly, like Halt and Óengus, or indirectly, like Caitlyn, or by stories in general, but still, like Crowley. And then we get into the head of someone who was so sure of his faith that he would sacrifice everything and everyone for it. Religious fanaticism, especially mixed with politics, its social effects, the propagation of religion by fire and sword, or in general the idea of religion being imposed on someone by force for the grace of a deity…. all this I wanted to show as horrifyingly as possible, before looking at it from the perspective of the people who grew up with it in a less cruel form than Halt, and the people it gave power to.

Family trauma and violence within the family, especially a high-profile one. Children in good clothes and in a rich home. Screaming behind closed doors. Now it is talked about, but so many centuries of these cries have passed and no one listened to them. In the records we find references to the fact that some king there was ‘eager to anger’. That is to say, he probably beat his wife, children, servants and anyone else who got near. And all of these people had stories that were not told.

8. Brothers but enemies, enemies but brothers. My beloved concept. Right next to unreliable narrator and haunted narrative.

9. Military history, especially medieval history. I love it. It makes my blood boil when I read the ‘bigos’ made by many authors who write about the ‘Middle Ages’. For non-Slavic: bigos is a dish made of cabbage, bacon and sausage, but it was often made with whatever you could find in the pantry after a week's work. A heavy, indigestible, not-so-good-for-your-belly-even-if-smells-yummy bigos. Such is the ‘bigos’ of military history, weaponry, military formations, armour, castles, architectural styles, ways of fighting and commanding an army that is made into many books. I fell in love with ken-jitsu at one time, and then fencing because of it. My country also has a very long history of knights and one heavily-armed cavalry, of which some misunderstood patriotism people are veeery proud. Anyway, this is the knowledge that everyone remembers from the most famous historical movies. It didn't help my special interest in the military through the ages to not develop.

10. The 10th, and probably last, eves of major historical changes. We remember dates when things changed. But how did it change? Well, the king changed. Why? What was happening one, two, ten years before? Sometimes some teachers tell us, and praise them for that, but generally it's just about remembering dates and events. But history is about people. People made it happen. Someone once hit the table one too many times and changed the world. Someone else hit him and there are two political parties with the same idea but great hatred towards each other. Someone else risked everything to protect his family. Who was he in history, a traitor, a hero, a fool or a loving brother/husband/son? Or maybe it all depends on whose song we listen to….

And now 3 funfacts, if anyone made it all the way here - congratulations!!!

The most known type of armour, the full plate armour appeared in the late Middle Ages (14th-15th centuries). It was composed of metal plates joined by leather straps to shield the knight from the blows of swords, lances and arrows. It weighed approximately 20-30 kg. A tunic with an embroidered coat of arms, the knight's family mark, was sometimes placed over the breastplate. Armour was bloody expensive, so if someone could afford it, they were rich and important, and unlikely to fight with a sword against just anyone. The heavy cavalry as a formation was mostly made up of men from noble families, serving in it was a great honour. For all the rest, there was room in the terrified, poor, dirty and poorly armed crowd that was trampled and murdered. In addition, this beautiful armour had one veeery important function - to prevent it from being pierced by a sword. A knight wielding a sword did not hit another knight in full armour with a sword, because this would not be very effective. Against each other, knights fought with lances. The sword was for the hoi polloi. And NO ONE, I repeat no one, rode into battle with their head uncovered. All the epic scenes of taking out a sword against a huge army and knights with bare heads, dishevelled hair and madness in their eyes…. it's as if we took away the soldier's bulletproof vest and sent him in swimming trunks instead.

The whole theme with the heavy cavalry is different in ‘The Iron Song’ but for reasons of social change initiated by religion. Claíomh Deartháir are a religion of warriors, and have controlled the state for three hundred years, training their commanders and dictating political terms. They have introduced quite a few changes. Some of you may have heard the opinion, dating back to the golden ages of chivalry, that one who has the heavier cavalry rules the world. Let's just say that Claíomh Deartháir agree.

Contrary to popular belief, people in the Middle Ages were as concerned about hygiene as they could be. In historical sources, one can find information about city baths available to everyone. The poor and peasants had designated places by rivers and streams where they could wash. The nobility enjoyed oils made from flowers, herbs and fragrant spices. A tiny nod in this direction is, of course, the scene at Araluen Castle where Crowley, brought up in a more poor, farming family, has the opportunity to come across the strange-smelling oily soap-shampoos that Halt was given by the medic. Previously, as a soldier, he preferred the traditional bathing methods for this social stratum. Halt sees nothing strange in this, having been brought up in other realities.

The strangest medieval footwear comes from Kraków (Poland). These shoes are ciżemki, flat with a short upper with an incredibly long ‘nose’. They appeared in the trade around 1330 and became very popular in Western Europe as cracoves or poulaines. The length of the top lengthened and shortened as fashions changed to reach a length 60 cm longer than the foot at its peak. Often the tops of shoes were decorated with additional elements. They were associated with promiscuity and decadence, so much so that at one point the Church issued a decree on who could wear them and who could not. An English poem from 1388 said that because of the long tops of the ciżemki, men were unable to kneel during Mass. The ciżemki fell out of favour around 1480 and did not reappear on a mass scale until the 20th century.

(To take care of the facts and not to rely on AuDHD's sometimes unreliable memory, all facts have been described based on online sources)

And if you'd like more rants, I have a whole lot more :)

Anyway, thank you so much for the opportunity to share this. You've made my day!

You have a great week too, thank you so much!!!

#rangers apprentice #ranger's apprentice #the iron song fic #rangers apprentice fanfiction

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despairforme · 1 year ago

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congratulations on the 9 years with the spoon! any tips on sticking to writing the same character for so long without the fandom ruining them? genuinely curious!

[ ;O;//// Thank you so much anon! I'm super happy about having written him for 9 years. Thinking about all the time I've dedicated to my hobby, all the hours I've given him... Makes me happy. I'm living my best life!

I'd be happy to share some tips about sticking to a character. At least I can share what has worked for me. I can 5/5 recommend having such a long journey with a character. It's a commitment you won't regret! I'm not really sure what you mean by "the fandom ruining them", but I'll give my take anyway xD -

Picking a character that inspires you. I think this is the most important thing. I started writing Nnoitra initially because I enjoyed drawing him. He gave me a ton of inspiration for drawing, and I figured it might be the same for writing, and I was right. I'm always, ALWAYS inspired to write Nnoitra, because he is the source of my inspiration.

Writing them how YOU want, not how others want. Staying secure and confident in your portrayal is underrated. I've stayed away from discussing my portrayal (it's in my rules that I prefer not to discuss how I write him). Don't let people tell you how you should portray your muse. If they don't like the way you write them, they can give writing them a go themselves. If you disagree with popular fanon ect, then go your own way. Your muse is yours.

About mirrors / duplicates. How people deal with mirrors/duplicates of the same muse really depends on the person, I think. In my early days of writing Nnoitra, I used to block/blacklist all other Nnoitra writers, because I didn't want to see their take on Nnoitra. I was "possessive" of him, if that makes sense. Now, I'm happy to see different versions of him, and I enjoy writing with my duplicates. Seeing other people love him is wholesome to me! I wish I'd interacted with my duplicates a lot sooner, and chatted with them. Talking to duplicates and befriending them has made me more confident and comfortable, so I would personally recommend that approach.

Building friendships, navigating the community. Interacting with lots of different people, both new and old people in the fandom is important in order to get enough interactions and connections. It's pretty difficult to write a muse for many years if you don't build any rp-connections. Also, having long-term friendships with your partners is amazing. There are people on here I've known for 10 years now! It's wild! Staying AWAY from drama is also incredibly important. You don't want any negativity to be attached to your blog. You don't want to feel anxious when logging on. Don't engage with any drama. Don't comment on it, don't give your opinion, don't discuss it with anyone. You never know when someone might take something out-of-context, or how "big" even small drama can grow. If drama is going on in the fandom, I'd recommend just blacklisting it, or going offline until it dies down. If you're keeping your blog for a long time, remember that people can go back and find things you've written ages ago. Maybe that one friend you stuck up for 2 years ago really does turn out to be a scam-artist or a predator. Don't underestimate how petty people can be. They can go back and find your posts about supporting this person and bam, you're added to a do-not-interact list. Even if all you did was support your friend at the time. If you get anon hate in your inbox, block and delete the ask. You don't need that negativity on your long-term blog. IDK I like to think of my blog as a garden that I'm cultivating?? I generally keep only positive, nice things on it. Things that I can go back and look at with approval and happiness.

Branching out of the fandom. This is probably (imo) the most important thing. I don't think I would've been able to write for 9 years if I hadn't branched out of the fandom. Not because the fandom is bad. Not because it doesn't inspire me, but because the amount of plots really is limited. Having to work within the boundaries of the fandom, and with a limited amount of characters isn't sustainable for 9 years. I love canon interactions, but I can't base my whole writing on that. It's too repetitive, which brings me to my next tip -

Give yourself the plots you crave. Getting "bored" of a muse can happen if you find yourself more interested in something else. Watched a new fantasy-anime? Maybe you're really into this one pirate show. Maybe you're interested in a specific time in history. MAKE THAT AU!! I cannot recommend AUs enough!! If you want to write a pirate muse, instead of making a new muse, just make an AU for your current muse. I have over 30 AUs for Nnoitra at this point, most of them inspired from either shows I've watched or specific interests I have ( like my formula 1!au, since I'm a huge f1 fan ). Don't be afraid to reach out to people who might be interested in writing the AUs with you. Don't be afraid to write drabbles for the AUs.

A continuous story. Another tip I can give for keeping things interesting, is to have a "story" for your muse that you continue through the years. Like my Nnoitra's main verse. Everything that happens to him in that verse progresses the story. The muses he interacts with become characters in his story. I get to see him develop and have ups and downs. It's like watching your favorite show with your favorite character, and there is always a new season. 5/5.

Hope this helps! This is just some things I could think of on the top of my head. And, this is just from my personal experience! ]

#[ fjfjfj i'm flattered you'd ask my opinion anon! ]#[ don't know if any of this stuff is controversal or new tho xD ]#[ BUT YEAH this is how i kept my blog for 9 years pretty much ]#[ - runs hands all over my blog - my precious safe space uvu ]#toby post. ╱ out of character.#longpost //

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pumpkinsy0 · 1 year ago

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Buck x Tim headconnons

I feel like they would be a good duo

Buck can fight, but he's just retired to fight. Just tends the Bar he owes

They will both beat peoples asses, if they fight together

Tim makes fun of Buck for being old, but Buck doesn't get mad he lets it slide

If its Buck's b-day, Tim will steal him little gifts (Buck gets mad at Tim for stealing but is thankful for the gift)

If its Tim's b-day, Buck will let him have free beer (only on his birthday)

Tim dares Buck to fight him, but still losses to Buck anyways 😂

When Tim is having a bad day, he will go to Buck's bar and spend there all day till he's drunk (maybe will often tell Buck about his bad day, and Buck will try his best to comfort him) I thought that will be cute♥😭

Since Buck has a dog (I feel like it should be a girl and her name should be pig) But Buck's dog loves Tim and Tim loves her back, he loves playing with her and she loves playing with him

One time Buck was laughing at Tim, because he was getting attacked by Pig while playfighting, and she accidentally bit Tim so hard he ended up having a scar on his neck (ofc Buck took Pig off Tim, but Tim was hurt so badly he couldn't talk right for a few week😭)

Tim wasn't mad at Pig, but was mad at Buck for laughing at him💀 (its fine if u don't like the whole idea)

When Tim's car isn't working and he need to go some places, he would steal Buck's car and Buck finds out, gets really pissed at him for stealing his car

Speaking of Buck's car, Tim like riding with Buck when he's running errands (Tim's passenger princess😭 Buck is forces to buy him stuff) 💀

Sorry for writing so much. And sorry if you don't like some stuff I put down. But I would love to see what you come up with. (I love your headconnons there so awesome! I wanna know what you put for THESE TWO. And its them being friends not lovers I swear😭)

This is the same person that asked for the "Buck Merrill headconnons" just letting you know. :D And you know that Buck is my favorite character. :D I also loved what you wrote for him, and thanks for taking your time writing about him. Now I wanna know for this one. :D

OOoOo i actually dont see many ppl talk about buck n tim so id b happy to talk about it!!!

perhaps buck will b my third fav caribbean man of the outsiders one day

•i see them as business partners and friends!!! not exactly THEE closest of friends, but friends nonetheless!!!

•so like,,,both of em r black,,,,both got 4c hair,,,perhaps they share tips n tricks on how to maintain their hait🗽🗽

•i can totally see buck w cornrows, tim probably did it for him as a “thanks for letting me hide out here while the cops searched for me and patching me up”

•tim can braid hair thanks to practice on angela and curlys hair btw i feel like i should announce that

•tim absolutely does make fun of buck for being old even though it’s literally by a few years buck is so sick of it, ESPECIALLY when tims drunk, ur so real for this hc anon

•for tims bday he definitely abuses his free beer privileges n takes some home, if he can get it for free and not have to pay later he’s DEFINITELY gonna b on that

•buck doesnt rlly fight anymore but he for sure isnt rusty, hes the bartender AND the bouncer let that b known☝🏽☝🏽

•buck MIGHT join in on a rumble if tim RLLY needed the backup but thats a huge might

•AT FIRST pig was fucking terrified of tim, like she would run away from tim, but tim gave her some food ONCE and now she loves em

•sometimes when buck and tim get together for business reasons tims just petting pig cause fluffy dog goes brrrrr

•inspired by my dog but sometimes pig just takes tims hand and literally forces the guy wherever and tim wants to hate it but pig is a cutie so he lets it slide<33

•LIKE I SAID caribbean men, buck prolly taught tim some trinidadian creole english while tim taught buck some haitian creole #culturalkingswowiezowie

•if tims having a bad day or is just bored and doesnt rlly wanna go home he just goes to bucks bar to pick someone up or drink a bit hes not a busy man EVERY day surprisingly

•rlly when it comes to buck, if darry cant rlly relate to him he knows that buck will to some degree!!!

•ALSO ALSO hc that when tims locked up or gets arrested, he calls for buck to watch over angela and curly, cant have them without a guardian now

BUT YEA THIS IS WHAT I COULD COME UP W ON THE WHIM hope u liked it anon🫶🏽🫶🏽

and thx for liking the hcs :D!!

#tim shepard #buck merril

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destinyc1020 · 6 months ago

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Hey destiny,

I dont know if you want to respond to this ask because it's about Tom and post Romeo and Juliet. I write this cause there have been so many think pieces bout hisbchiuces and some fans catastrophize, and I value your perspective on these things.

I'm excited for SM4 and Uncharted 2, but after that, I don't want Tom to be a part of Avengers 5 or any crossover until he has success outside of the MCU.

He's too talented to be stuck in that franchise that rn doesn't sound secure and looks to be dependent on him. Shawn Levy gave him praise a few days ago, teasing a deadpool crossover and for me thats an alarm bell in my head because it's so obvious they are trying to make his SM the Iron Man of that universe. What is baffling with me with his career is that he's doing these films cause he wants to, but deep down, I don't think he just wants to do just this. I remember the q&a for TCR for sag-aftra and how he was scared to go outside of the MCU bubble before taking that role and how he was happy he was doing this.

I'm confused because it's not just for money to stay in that universe. Tom avoids fashion shows and campaigns that could pay more than a movie star salary. He could really milk his persona for money due to him being a walking meme. He actively avoids socialising in hollywood or going to parties or events, yet he's stuck doing sequels? Tom is still young, he can always come back to those films cause the demand is high and i dont mind those films but i want some more variety. I selfishly want to understand where his head is. I would understand if he was deeply pretentious, but he's not. I've yet to see him do an a24 film or projects filmtwittwr has a hard-on for, lol. I don't like film twitter, sorry. Very toxic imo.

I rewatched TCR, and it's honestly so much better than I remembered. Tom is displaying an arpeggios of emotional acuity that is so uniquely rare that I didn't even want it to finish. I wanted to know more about Danny and his treatment. I'm not against big ip movies, I'm concerned with the lack of vision, director, scripts, and lack of practical effects. I want style as well as a blue screen.

The winner rumours are giving me hope because it's a risk, and I know Tom can do this. I think my irritation for his existing ip as of rn is those toxic fanbases and biased critics that use it against Tom as a cautionary tale. Don't do Marvel, or you'll end up like him like he isn't in high demand and talented af. Like JE is considered a movie star yet tell me a film he's opened as a lead not supporting, that made profit for over 200 million? They always move the goalposts for Tom and also Z, but that's for another day, lol.

If there's on actor Tom should look for inspiration, it's Tom Cruise. Take away his personal life, an actor who didn't fit the mould for most male actors of that time,he's the only one career that has still stayed intact. I remember reading that after being cast for his role in the interview with a vampire, he was swarmed with hate against him doing the part. Even the author and brad pitt were against his casting, and he proved them wrong. He doesn't have an oscar, but he's still considered a movie star as opposed to his peers who faded out.

Tom is a movie start idc. He sold out his show with just his name alone and an old pic, without Spiderman with a cast that was yet to be announced. Every day after a show, crowds are swarming to see him and the cast, not SM.

He has the sauce, I just hope he uses it now and don't wait.

Whew! Anon....You wrote a LOT in this ask lol. I'm not sure I can get to everything you've addressed in here, but I'll pick out some main points. I'm not sure if you intended this to be a "confession" or not, but I'll just answer normally...

First off: I write this cause there have been so many think pieces bout hisbchiuces and some fans catastrophize, and I value your perspective on these things.

I'm sorry, but WHAT?? 😅

I have no clue what that word means.

I'm excited for SM4 and Uncharted 2, but after that, I don't want Tom to be a part of Avengers 5 or any crossover until he has success outside of the MCU.

Hmm...I mean, I guess I can sort of understand that sentiment. You just want him to not be typecast as a Superhero, or to be seen as someone who can only be successful in action films/popcorn flicks I'm assuming? I think that's pretty fair. With that said, I will say that even though some of Tom's projects outside of Spiderman haven't been as well-received as we as fans might want (i.e. "Cherry", CW, TCR, I personally thought TDATT did pretty well actually), I will say that he's been very fortunate that a LOT of these have been only STREAMING projects. It's not like they were put out in theaters, so even if they weren't that well-received by critics, who cares?? It's not like they had "box office numbers" to also worry about.

Plus, who knows if these films might have done well at the box office even in spite of negative film critics' reviews? 🤔 Did anyone ever consider that? Either way, to me, it hasn't been that big of a deal?

He's too talented to be stuck in that franchise that rn doesn't sound secure and looks to be dependent on him.

Tom is definitely very talented! But does TOM himself feel "stuck" in the franchise? He hasn't filmed a Spiderman movie since 2020/2021...that's almost 4 years ago. Is he really "stuck"?? 🤔

What is baffling with me with his career is that he's doing these films cause he wants to, but deep down, I don't think he just wants to do just this. I remember the q&a for TCR for sag-aftra and how he was scared to go outside of the MCU bubble before taking that role and how he was happy he was doing this.

I definitely don't think that Tom wants to be typecast or put in a box... He seems to want to do other things outside of MCU films (hence, his venturing and experimenting with other more challenging roles), but at the same time, I do think that he genuinely enjoys playing the Spider-Man character? I don't think two things can be true at the same time. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Maybe those just aren't his thing? 🤷🏾‍♀️

With that said, I mean, I DO think it's good to go to Hollywood parties SOMETIMES, because those afford you a lot of ways to network and meet people you look up to, and maybe influential people who can possibly give you another acting job at some point. 👀 To me, it's just smart?? But not everyone likes to go to parties, and not everyone is really wanting to have a persona. In Tom's case, he's UBER famous, so he might actually be trying to TEMPER down his fame a bit, so that's why he prefers not to really be out there. Even his dad said that he worries at times about Tom's fame (not about the work), because his level of fame might not afford him the ability to just go out and do things like that, and still live a normal life w/out being hounded, ywkim?

I've yet to see him do an a24 film or projects filmtwittwr has a hard-on for, lol. I don't like film twitter, sorry. Very toxic imo.

I'm not really understanding what this has to do with anything. MOST actors take on roles that speak to them or ones that they find either challenging or interesting. MOST actors aren't taking roles because they think "Film Twitter" is going to like it. 🙄 Most actors don't even care about what their fans or people are going to think when choosing roles.

They choose to do a role because it's a great opportunity to maybe work with a great director or cast that they've always wanted to work with, or because the story/writing/plot is very compelling and it's a role that they can really sink their teeth into.

Yea, Tom did an amazing job in TCR! 😃 I'm sorry the series was so heavy that it kind of made him go into a dark place while filming it 😔, but overall, I'm really glad that he went outside of the grain and did something very different from the norm! 😊

And the Critics Choice gave him a nomination, sooooo.... Obviously it must not have been hated THAT badly by the critics lol.

If there's on actor Tom should look for inspiration, it's Tom Cruise.

I've been saying this for a while now! 😃

Tom is a movie start idc.

Of COURSE he is!! Why do you have doubt anon?? 😅

He has the sauce, I just hope he uses it now and don't wait.

Tom definitely has the sauce, and I actually think he's already been using it?? 🤔 What are you looking for anon? Also, do you know that actors (male actors) are typically able to have a long-running career in Hollywood and be just fine?? It's female actresses that usually have a time limit on the types of roles they can play. But men can play just about anything for as long as they're still alive. It's unfair, but it's true.

Tom is a white, hetero, MALE actor in Hollywood. He will be just fine! He has DECADES to play a ton of roles Anon. Some actors out here are only JUST NOW getting their shine and they're past their 30's and 40s. Look at Coleman Domingo for example. He JUSt now got an Oscar nomination this year, and he's 54 years old. Idk where fans get this idea that Tom (or ANY actor for that matter) needs to be winning Oscars in their 20s, or doing such huge roles before they've even hit their 30's, as if their time is going to somehow run out and they don't have 30 MORE years to go in this industry lol. 😅🤣

Even Leo didn't win an Oscar until he was well into his 40s. He got his first nod at age 19, but didn't actually WIN one until his 40s'. Leo has been touted as some kind of acting prodigy, but even HE didn't get recognized with an Oscar until his 40's, and he's been acting since he was a kid! So, Idk where this sense of urgency comes from when it comes to Tom and his acting career, but the man isn't even in his 30's yet lol. He has PLENTY of time to do a wide range of roles! 😊

#sorry for the dissertation

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tricksterlatte · 11 months ago

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21 & 25 for the ask meme?

21: a fandom you're not active in anymore but you still really like

I mentioned Tales earlier, so here's another one? I never wrote for it, but I still adore hq!

25: a piece of advice for taking care of yourself in fandom spaces

I have several tbh, and this is ample opportunity for me to talk about them:

Mute liberally. Mute literally anything you do not enjoy. Fandom is meant for escapism and happiness, not competition or education. You should build community around what you enjoy and focus mostly on a small group of friends at most. Do not create solely for the pursuit of fame. Algorithms are unkind, and people are also unkind when faced with pseudo-competition, even if the flames are stoked by people who do not have authority in a space meant for fun. Put your fun first if you want to enjoy your time here! Make what makes YOU happy!

Being anti harassment also includes not insulting a random ship that slightly annoys you or seemingly "gets in the way' of your ship (at LEAST publicly, but also around large groups and around people you know adore this). No one feels better by continuing a cycle of ship hate, and I say this as someone who was not exempt from this pattern of behavior in the past. It will lead to misery, including your own. Go back to advice one and please mute and block if anyone perpetuates it. I will mute, unfollow, or block people over this nowadays even if I agree with them. It's not nice. 3. If something, whether art or a story or even a little headcanon post makes you happy, tell that person! I was a terribly shy and reserved person in the past and I don't think I commented enough when something sparked happiness for me. Some days, and for many of us, fandom has kept us going during a dark time in our lives. I think positive community can help more people do the same. Tell someone if a story or a comic or anything brought you a smile, a laugh, or a glimmer of hope. Chances are good the art/writing process was what gave the artist hope too.

One person was all it took for my entire life to change forever, and it all started with art for my fic. Sometimes you have no idea how much what may seem small will mean to another person behind a screen. Even a little "I loved this!" will make an author squeal if their AO3 inbox has been devoid of comments or only filled with anon hate. Let someone know what they made has made you happy! Your words will inspire them as well!

Thank you for the ask!

#parker says things #ask meme #tricksterlatte writes #my stuff

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here2bbtstrash · 2 years ago

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i've been trying to write but i've had the worst writer's block for literally 3 years now. if you experience it, how do you overcome it?

hi anon! i'm so sorry you're struggling with this, especially for so long 😔 i know how demoralizing it can feel to feel 'stuck', or unhappy with anything you manage to get out. i can't promise that i have all the answers, but here are some different strategies that often help me!

fill the well

i think i stole this term from 'the artist's way' but i can't actually remember if her definition is the same as mine, so. when eye say filling the well, what i mean is: i take a purposeful break from attempting to create content, and i consume. i eat eat eat whatever i can get my hands on. poetry, books, music, movies. i go to an art museum, or go see a live performance of something, if i can!

i find that getting myself out of my own head and fully invested in someone else's creations tends to get my wheels turning. and it's therapeutic, that feeling of discovering some piece of art that speaks to you and reminds you that you're a human. it helps reconnect me to the purpose of why i create, the way i strive to give someone else that same experience by writing stories that i hope people can see themselves reflected back in. seriously - consume stuff! NEW stuff! go out there and find a thing that you love that someone else created.

box yourself in

this is a strategy i had never really tried before until last year, when i was struggling with wicked "i hate everything i write" syndrome, and the love of my life @gimmethatagustd gave me this tip! it's so weird, but it worked for me, so maybe it'll work for you too! they said that as someone who had to write a lot for school, even when they were blocked as fuck, that sometimes they would assign themselves specific rules or prompts for a piece in order to switch things up~

maybe for you, this looks like churning out a few drabbles, and forcing yourself to make them EXACTLY 100 words long. maybe it's writing something only in dialogue (a thing i actually did once when super blocked lmao!). maybe it's trying a new genre, maybe it's trying to write ~in the style~ of someone else, maybe it's writing member POV if that's not something you normally do. maybe it's looking up specific writing prompts/challenges, or playing some weird game with yourself where you try to fit song lyrics into a piece, or make each new sentence start with the last letter of the sentence before it - i don't know! get crazy with it! don't ask me why, but sometimes giving yourself more rules to adhere to makes it easier to write - or just gives your brain something else to focus on, at least 🤪

show up anyway

i hate that sometimes, this is what works, but it's the truth. stephen king has said a lot of things (including many racial slurs lol 🥴) but one of the not-dumb things he's said is along the lines of: "don't wait for the muse. ...your job is to make sure the muse knows where you're going to be every day from nine 'til noon. or seven 'til three. if he does know, i assure you that sooner or later he'll start showing up."

sometimes, writing is showing up, putting down crap, hating it, and doing it anyway. (this might go along with #2 - maybe your drabbles suck! write them anyway!) turning on the tap and running it until all the junk in your pipes gets out and the water runs clear. it sucks! when i'm in a place where that's all i can do, it's the worst feeling in the world! but there have been times where i've found that my "writer's block" was just me wanting things to come easily, like they do in a moment of fresh inspiration. and sometimes, you don't have inspiration. sometimes, you don't even have motivation. you gotta be disciplined and just do it anyway, and just keep shaking your brain like a piggy bank until something good eventually comes out of it.

rest. but like, actually rest

"but m! you just told us to push through and do it anyway!" okay, yeah, well. sometimes that works, but also, brains suck, and sometimes it doesn't work. if none of the above strategies have worked, or i'm stressing myself out so much that i'm like, actively bursting into tears over writing, that's when i know i need to rest.

there's this idea that i actually use a LOT in life - and not even exclusively about writing. when i have a friend who is struggling to get something done, and i ask them "did you rest?" and they tell me they did, i like to fire back: "did you actually rest, or did you spend the entire time feeling guilty about how you weren't doing X thing?"

guilt, as it turns out, is not rest. thinking about how much you wish you were writing is not rest. worrying about how you'll never be able to write anything good ever again... is also not rest! when i know i'm burnt out, i give myself a timeframe - it can be anywhere from 48 hours to several weeks, depending on severity - and i make a promise to myself: for that time, it is ILLEGAL to think about writing, to feel bad about writing, to want to write, or to even so much as TOUCH a word processor. AGAINST THE LAW, YOU HEAR ME?

i force myself to do anything else. if i feel like being creative, i'll pursue non-writing avenues to do so. but if i don't? i'll do fuck all. i'll watch a season of a terrible reality show. i'll take naps on my couch. i'll eat ice cream or do a puzzle or read a book or learn a language or whatever else. but i don't touch my writing, i don't think about my writing and i do not feel bad about my writing, or lack thereof.

usually, by the time my sentence in anti-writing jail is up (the only kind of prison i believe in lmao ✌️) my energy levels feel restored, my outlook is more positive, and i'm chomping at the bit to get back to it, with a renewed sense of appreciation for my work and my ideas. sometimes you just need to take a break, a real break, and that's okay!

accept it

sort of a continuation of my last one - and i know this sounds kinda dire, but i'm saying this with only love: not every season can be a season of harvest. there are some seasons where the ground is frozen, and nothing can grow. we cannot always be making all of the time. some seasons of life are for other things instead. healing, changing, starting over. i went through a years-long period of really wanting to write, but never managing to get words out when i tried. and guess what? it came back to me, eventually. but for a long time, i had to just... not write. and go live my life. and the world kept turning.

banging your head against the wall when it's not coming out won't solve anything. if you've tried it all, and it's still not happening? it might not be your time right now. and you might be doing yourself more harm than good by trying to force what's not, in this moment, meant to be. so deep breaths. chin up. know that it is okay to move on to the next season, and trust that it will come back when the time is right. life is long. nothing is forever, good or bad. there is so much more out there for you. infinite possibilities. i really do believe that!

sorry for the rambling lmao 😓 but hopefully you find some/any of this helpful!!! i'm here for you if you ever wanna talk more about writing struggles, bc i am no stranger to them. i love you! fighting!! 💜

#anonymous #mbox 📮#all the love! i know it's tough!!!

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