#AND weather will be no obstacle as I plan to no longer feel cold. I will be making others nauseous and chilly. and fking with street lights

[lastgirl0nearth]

Honestly my real ambition is to become a ghost so I can go on endless danger free nightwalks anywhere I want in the world

[haifengg]

Genshin Men Confessing pt.1

Note: This work is purely fictional and any similarities with already existing stories is concidental. This is also set in the Genshin Impact universe. I might elaborate on some of these.

Starring: Ayato, Diluc, Kaeya

Pairing: CharacterxGN!Reader

Genre: Fluff!

Diluc. You only had seen him a bunch of times. Altogether maybe 10. Being a traveling merchant you only came to Mondstadt a few of times of the year. You always looked forward to seeing the city of Mondstadt with its huge windmill-like towers and their many local specialties. It was a welcome change compared to cold Snezhnaya and you always volunteered for the trips. Seldomly someone was opposing your wishes because it was a difficult journey. One of many stops in Mondstadt was the Dawn Vinery. And it wouldn’t be exaggerated to say you love it there. Not just because of the wine and the view but also, and maybe especially, because of its owner.

Every year you came back you worried he might have gotten married or met someone while you were away. Sometimes, on the long way there, you imagined what it feel like to confess your childish crush to him. But soon after these imagines reality got the better of you and you reminded yourself not to be ridiculous. You were not just a merchant. In fact you represented the chartered trading company of Snezhnaya. But overall, to him, you probably were just a merchant. You were all the more surprised when you reached the vinery and had Diluc waiting for you. He greeted you with your full name, which was a difficult undertaking by itself and when he shower you around. You always had to check the premises and take notes for your reports but it got to your attention that this time he was very calm and besides telling you the general information about the grapes and crop and harvest - he also included little anecdotes, about him and his brother. When your visit came to an end later at night and the carriage was being prepared to take you and your colleague to the next inn, Diluc began to stall. To keep you tangled up in conversation. By the fourth time your colleague called for you he finally mustered up the courage to speak what was on his mind. “Would you mind staying for a bit longer? Maybe just the night? I will get you to the inn tomorrow myself so that you can continue your journey but please stay for dinner. I have been impatiently awaiting your next visit and can’t bear having you to leave so soon.”

Ayato. As the head of the Kamisato Clan he was practically old fashioned and classy. He knows that dating publicly would mean for everyone in Inazuma to know and that you ‘d most likely be the talk of town. So he confesses his feelings to you in a heartfelt and honest love letter. This letter was unlike any of the kind you received before. Well written, the words wisely chosen and the seal of his family embellishing every page. He writes about how he thought about you since you came home as Ayakas friend for the first time and how he is worried that you only noticed him as her older brother and never saw him in that way. He also compliments your character and manner, the way you treat the people around you and the servants when you visit their estate. He says that he was secretly looking forward to every one of your visits and even more to the ones you didn’t announce beforehand. Nevertheless he informs you about the obstacles if you would be to date and that regardless of how you may feel - his intentions are honest and truthful. He intends to be with you for what may come.

(The actual letter is here as a separate work.)

Kaeya. Man is drunk. And he doesn’t even mean to let you know. Yet. He was planning on taking you up on Starsnatch Cliff and telling you then. But the day you were supposed to go, a sudden change of the weather scotched his plan and surprised the both of you halfway there. And now you’ve been sitting at the tavern, near the fireplace, enjoying a friendly beer together. Just the way it has always been. So you thought. You have known him for so long and you have spent so many nights at the tavern that you wouldn’t have dared to imagine that tonight might be different. Little did you know. After his third or fourth beer and after your drenched clothes dried he began to talk. And just to make sure there are no misunderstandings here: Kaeya is a man who knows how to hold his liquor well. His tolerance for alcohol, especially beer, was impressive. It therefore was quite unusual for him to go on blabbering after just the fourth pint. So he starts by venting about the weather and how you’re probably going to catch a cold and that he is very sorry for insisting on going even though you had concerns about the weather. He admits that you were right (which painted a satisfied smile on your face) and that he only did it because there was something he wanted to talk to you about. When you asked what it was Kaeya looked around, making sure no-one sat particularly close to the two of you and sighed. And he let go. Of all the things he prepared to say and the speech about how he felt and all the grand words he looked up to describe every little emotion to the last detail. He just reached for your hand, giving you the chance to pull away. But when you didn’t he just looked at you and smiled weakly. “I like you.” You asked him since when. Still not pulling your hand away. Kaeya quietly admitted to pining for you since almost half a year and when you heard that you squeezed his hand tightly. “Don’t worry.” You said. “I’ve been into you much longer.”

💕 @kpopsnowball

💕 @soleilsuhh

💕 @jeonghanmoon

💕 @himitsu-luna

🌿 haifengg masterlist

[hel-awaits]

Compiled List of Elder Futhark Runes and Their Meanings.

A list of runes and their meanings that I compiled from watching EVERY video in the runic series by Arith Harger. All credit goes to him and his youtube channel.

Fehu ᚠ: Power, luck, fortune, cattle, feminine, fire, life, new beginnings, nourishment, comfort, luck (Norse positive energy,)sexual energy.

Inverted: failure, loss, greed, bad luck, infertility, negativity, loss of a loved one. 

Uruz ᚢ: Aurochs (giant bull,) strength, health, endurance, vigor, persistence, courage, male, rage, warrior spirit. Thor(his uncontrollable rage,) unconscious power, fury resourceful, manifestation. Tread lightly with power. New beginnings, change, growth. Your true self and getting to know you. Overcoming your wild nature. Healing, inverted: weakness, physical and mental fatigue, health issues, see a doctor. Change your lifestyle. Your own power used against you. 

Thurisaz ᚦ: Chaos, destruction, defense, strength, protecting without strategy but with rage. Boundaries. Know your limits. There are barriers you'll overcome later. Potential risks. Snakes. People betraying you. Regenerating, fertilization, breaking barriers. Inverted: Sexual and menstrual problems. Take no action. Possible trap. 

Ansuz ᚨ: Odin, creation, breath, intelligence, communication, speech, poetry. Reversed: Miscommunication. Unable to be heard. 

Raido ᚱ: Journey, other worldly or physically. The need to find the right path. Reaching a goal. Evolution, sleipnir, spiritual journey, shamanic sacrifice. Prepare for journeys.

Inverted: Don't take the advice of others, think for yourself. Feeling stuck. Accept the inevitable. Trouble will pass. 

Kaunaz ᚲ: Torch, intellect, knowledge, power, ancestral knowledge, creation, self control, inner strength, will to create, magic, energy, passion, lust, vitality, protection. Heimdallr, warmth, friendship, love, 

Inverted: Lost love, friendship, destruction. 

Gebo ×: Giving, taking, trade, gift for a gift, sacrifice, gift from the gods, gift from Odin, give to the poor, compensation, give with an open heart, be yourself, soon feel honor bound to help but don't help TOO much. 

Wunjo ᚹ: Joy, hope, harmony, happiness, family, kinfolk, attraction, like mindedness, favor from the gods, will to live, fulfilling life, good news, relationships will work. Finding yourself. 

Inverted: Be guarded emotionally, use logic. Sadness, fear. Be patient. 

Haglaz ᚺ ᚻ: Hail, violent change, long term good, inevitable, bad news, catastrophe, destruction in life, chaos, obstacles that can't be overcome. Disruption, fate, heed the warning, ymir, norns, harsh cold, unpredictable weather, your limitations, the unexpected, harmony, death. Rethink plans. Hope. 

Naudiz ᚾ:  Need, necessity, hard times are coming/here, poor life choices in the past, take action, limitations, constraint, obstacles, learning through necessity, control negative emotions, recognize limitations.

Isa ᛁ: Ice, focus, self preservation, concentration, self control, being in control of our ego, facing harsh reality, self reliance, aware of our existence, our own hidden power, will, defense against our emotions, pulling ourselves from the darkness, emotional fragility.

Jera ᛃ: Year, end of the cycle, reap what you sew, cyclical actions, you’ll be becoming greater, reward for honorable actions, when life is tough...dig deep and stay strong, favorable moment, harvest.

Eihwaz ᛇ: Yew, gaining spiritual knowledge by going up and down the world tree, learning rune mysteries of life and death, sharing knowledge. Trees: apple yew and ash. Connection between realities, life from death, circle of life, past growing into the future, mysteries of death, hidden secrets, movement towards enlightenment. Set yourself free of the fear of death, Yggdrasil. 

Pertho ᛈ: The unknown, interacting with fate and the norns, the web of the wyrd, Norns, events yet to happen, having to guess due to lack of knowledge, limitations beyond your control, free from worry, let the universe decide, good omens, joy, stagnation that you can turn to your advantage. 

Algiz ᛉ :  Elk/moose, protection, higher self, connection to the gods, listening and being attentive to that which is beyond the physical world, awakening, spiritual defense, cosmic stags eating at the needles of Yggdrasil, being in contact with the divine, human life reaching for the divine.

Sowilo ᛋ:  Sun positive, success, light, strength to move forward, guidance, hope, knowing our own power and strength, faith in ourselves and the choices we’ve made, the seat of the soul.

Tiwaz ᛏ:  Justice, sacrifice, balance, wisdom from a higher state of rationality, self sacrifice for the well being of the whole, something bigger than you, the greater good, denial of selfish actions, righteousness, rationality, victory, faith, fairness, empathy, no justice without empathy and rationality, spiritual warrior, honor, bravery, 

Berkano ᛒ: Birch goddess, growth of the self, rebirth, change, end of a cycle, throw away what no longer has a purpose, life and renewal, (mental and spiritual) let go of old mentalities, Female (blossoming of the true self), motherhood, let go of the past, be happy, taking care of life.

Ehwaz ᛖ:  Horse, team work, trust, solidarity, common goal, cooperation, unity, friendship, finding real value in friendship, harmonious connection, movement, journey, travel, wild inner self, hunger for change, filgia, relationship between body and spirit, rational and magical, shaman.

Mannaz. ᛗ: Higher reasoning, mankind, true essence of the human, divine spark in the structure of human intelligence, thought and memory, the difference between the human spirit and everything else, cycle of everything, connection of the anima and animus, male and female consciousness (trans?) balance between conscious and the subconscious, the memories of the ancestors.

Laguz ᛚ: Water, fluidity of life, the ocean, lakes, waterfalls, the underworld, afterlife, movement, voyages, source of life, fluid water, beginnings, evolutionary process, primordial life, origins, cyclical existence, wisdom, history of mankind, instinct, psychological power, depths of our conscious, what lies buried in our mind, collective wisdom. 

Yngwaz ᛝ: Earth god, fruitful attributes in male sexuality, agriculture, growth, male growth, masculine magic, break social rules towards gender, opportunity for men to come in contact with the supernatural, male spirituality, male potential, male role in the origin and continuation of life, gestation of male abilities, peace, wealth.

Othala ᛟ:  Homeland, ancestral roots, evolution, leave a legacy, learn, spreading knowledge, individual growth, wisdom, reach out and help people reach wisdom, better world through knowledge spreading, property, right to shelter, family, protection, finding your roots, creating a safe space for others, respect peace, hope, hearth cult.

Dagaz ᛞ: Dawn, day, light, end of a cycle and beginning of a new era. Creation, birth, life, development, experiences. Settling down, rest, coming home, our roots are deeper than the illusion of identity. Our true roots of the mind. New cycle, rebirth, a new hope.

[cupidcreates]

Hi, I hope the last day of 2020 will be a success for you. I have a request for yandere Dabi and / or Chisaki when they hear that their dear, affectionate s/o call them "love" or "happiness of my life"

Affectionate Names

With Yanderes Dabi and Overhaul

(Oh my fucking GOD beech I’m SO SORRY this took LITERAL MONTHS to post. I promise I’m never gonna let an ask sit for that long again holy crap. I really hope this was worth the wait bestie, I tried really hard to make it cute for you nonny. Hope you like it!)

Touya Todoroki - Dabi

Disgust, Anger, Hatred, Fear, Dabi’s used to these emotions playing across the faces of the people he interacts with. He knows how he appears to others, how his very visage causes visceral reactions of discomfort in others. He’s fine with that, in fact he revels in it.

If it’s not the abject loathing of a stranger than it’s the cool detachment of his allies. Dabi finds a sort of warmth, even an odd sense of comfort in their gazes. It’s distant, reserved, and to the point; Dabi never has to question what his allies want from him or what their intentions are.

The indifference many find cold is rather temperate to Dabi. 

The fair weather is what he likes. Nothing too cold, nothing too hot, nothing can be resurrected from mild memories.

Dabi was content with this treatment.

Until he met you.

It had been a long time since anything stoked the kind of fire in his chest like you did. Heat typically coincided with anger, but you didn’t make him angry.

That’s not to say he didn’t mistake it for anger at first. He definitely wanted you dead, seemingly at random, for a few days after seeing you pass by him on the street.

But after a while of reflection he realized you didn’t ignite his hate the way thoughts of his family, his father, or society did.

No, this was a completely different feeling, something brand new.

Something to be explored, immediately.

There was something about you he needed, something you had that he had to get for himself.

And Dabi’s not one to not get his way.

He set out to have you, and have you he did. It took longer than he might have liked (though, anything but immediate compliance is too long for Dabi) and you put up a better fight than he would have expected but he did eventually get you swept away from your previous life.

In his mind he won you over.

In your mind, and in reality, he stole you away from your home in the dead of night and trapped you in an undisclosed location until you eventually broke and developed Stockholm syndrome.

After all, he wasn’t mean to you. He kept you fed and watered, the basement stayed a nice mild temperature, and the rats that scuttled about were actually kind of cute when you looked at them the right way.

You were eventually happy, which is what Dabi wanted as it finally allowed him to get close to you.

He wasn’t sure what he wanted from you. He’d started by simply sitting by your side (once you had calmed down enough to let him do so without screaming) then he progressed to holding you (awkward as it was at first) and once he could trust that you wouldn’t run off he allowed you free roam of the hideout.

Free roam as in you were attached to his hip.

He brought you nearly everywhere, as if he was a child and you were his favorite stuffed bear. He wasn’t sure why he felt he needed you around, but he figured he’d find out if he gave it enough time.

And it’s not like you were trouble, you were actually very helpful, getting him out of more than a few scrapes and sticky situations.

He eventually surmised that this, whatever you two had going on, was something like the affection he missed out on in his youth. It was nice to hold your hand, nice to sit you in his lap as he listened to Shigaraki drone on about his next plan, nice to spend a night with you on the rooftops. 

The time he spent with you didn’t strike a chord in him like his first encounter with you did, but he was content.

He could only ever be content.

He didn’t need anything stronger than baseline serenity.

Or so he thought.

He thought right up until the night he was sitting alone in his room (room being a generous term for the hovel hole in the wall he kept his nearly flattened mattress in) dissociating after a very long day.

Dabi tried not to dissociate frequently, it was best to stay aware of your surroundings when you’re a wanted criminal, but when he did allow himself to fall into this state he was typically here for hours. Nearly comatose as he fled back into his mind.

You knocking softly at the door went completely unnoticed, in fact he didn’t even realize you were there until you had entered the room and sat next to him on the mattress.

Your presence took him completely by surprise and shocked him out of his stupor. It took him a moment to recover his composure and re-mask, and in those several seconds with his guard down you saw Dabi’s face more youthful and innocent than you ever had.

You’d asked him a question, he was aware of that much, but the only thing he caught, the only thing he registered was the word at the very end of your sentence.

“Are you okay, love?”

Love

Rather forcefully Dabi was taken back to his childhood; before his quirk manifested, before his siblings were born to replace him, before his own family turned on him in favor of his youngest brother. It had been so long since someone had called him love; so long since his mother would come into his room early in the morning and brush his bangs out of his face, softly calling to him to wake him up and ready him for the day.

Having already been in a vulnerable state, the name cut through him like a knife. Shaken to his core by the memories ripped fresh in his mind he was, for the first time in his life, grateful that his tear ducts had been burned away so long ago.

He gave nothing away, his face already masked up again and his demeanor its typical cool indifference. He spoke to you as he always had, the tremble in his voice only perceptible to him.

He pushed his head into your shoulder and was silent for a while, just taking in you presence, before offhandedly telling you that he didn’t mind if you called him that again. In private of course.

Love

He thought he could get used to that.

Kai Chisaki - Overhaul

Open affection was not only not necessary in Chisaki’s life but also abjectly disgusting.

Perhaps he never really had good examples of tender kindness and open endearment as a child. Maybe he simply couldn’t comprehend affection in the way others could.

In any case, physical fondness and other such displays of the sentiment were completely foreign to Chisaki.

He didn’t mind this, he had much more pressing matters to attend to. Having a partner of any sort other than business would only slow him down.

Oh but you just had to come along, didn’t you? Had to go nosing around where you didn’t belong, a foolish venture already, and then you had to be incompetent's enough to get yourself caught waist deep in his business.

It didn’t matter, you didn’t matter, whatever you knew about what he was doing didn’t mean a damn thing. All he had to do now was keep you quiet.

For good.

He had to kill you, this much he knew. He’d have no issue doing it, after all who were you anyway? A nosy little cashier at a run-down shop on the brink of bankruptcy. You had no family, if you did they certainly didn’t care about you if the state of and neighborhood your apartment was located in was anything to go by.

You were a threat to the sanctity of his mission, a potential interference to his operation. Simply put you had to go. This was fine, nothing personal. Just business.

But oh you just had to didn’t you? Had to look at him with the most pathetically pleading eyes he’s ever seen as you begged him to let you live. You already knew what he was up to, undoubtedly you understood the torture and death he willingly inflicted upon others. You knew the pleading would do you no good, surely you knew your death was inevitable.

Except that it wasn’t, was it.

Because you had to, you had to come along with a face too sweet to be atomized. Had to, somehow, worm your way into his brain and stop him from dismantling your upper body.

Was this your quirk? Were you somehow influencing him? It had to be something of your doing, the tightness in his chest and warmth in his stomach was something of your doing.

He couldn’t do it. Couldn’t bring himself to destroy something so precious, so pure even. He just couldn’t do it.

But no obstacle comes without workarounds, and he didn’t have an underground labyrinth of empty rooms to not be used.

So if killing you was out of the picture, his only recourse was to keep you hidden away. At least long enough for him to figure out a permanent solution for you.

Living toys are so much more fun to play with anyway.

He kept you holed up in a secret room, watched your every move as months passed. You were very interesting to him, in fact he found almost all of his (precious little) spare time consumed by you. He made sure to visit you daily, though your fear kept you mostly mute at the beginning.

Once you were sure he wasn’t going to obliterate you, he noticed you relaxed and even opened up a little bit. You even allowed him to touch you gently a few times and, to his surprise, he never broke out after his skin made contact with yours.

He figured you must have been sent to him, by some divine or cosmic intervention. You grew on him quickly and he made sure to pamper you in any way he could, moving you to a larger, more luxurious wing of the lair and making sure you had three meals a day of only the best quality food.

One morning he’d decided to visit you earlier than usual, walking down the long hallway towards your room and considering the topic of conversation today.

As he neared your room he overheard you speaking with the associate assigned to your meal delivery today. Pausing just outside the door he caught the tail end of your conversation.

“...so lonely until Chisaki visits. The room is lovely but he’s truly the only happiness of my rather dull life.”

Chisaki considered this for a moment. Perhaps it was a clever deception? Something for him to intentionally overhear and cause him to lower his guard?

Couldn’t be though, he’d never visited you this early, if you wanted to deceive him you’d have waited until your evening meal to speak these words.

A sudden, rather disconcerting warmth overtook Chisaki; Like a flower of light suddenly blooming in his chest he was overtaken by the urge to abandon everything and stay by your side until he withered away and his bones turned to dust.

Regaining his sanity he shook the thought from his head. He’d worked too hard for too long to let go of this now. No, he’d have to continue with his operation, the consequences of letting go now would be too great.

He was, however, sorry to hear that your life thus far had been dull. Had you said this months ago he would have scoffed, because of course the life of a cashier was dull; but now, after months of you having been here, it should have improved.

The only assumption left for him to make was that this must have been his doing. Fair enough on his part, as he couldn’t be sure trusting you was a wise idea.

But if this was how you truly felt about him, maybe he could consider letting you have greater roam of the property. He might even allow you time outside.

Only if you brought your happiness along, of course.

[jaskiersvalley]

CW major character injury (beartrap)

Splitting up for winter seemed like the most sensible idea. Geralt would head north with Ciri and, at his insistence at not leaving his muse, Jaskier. Meanwhile Regis would lead the others south, down to Touissant for a bit of downtime. Privately Geralt also hoped their infuriatingly stubborn Nilfgaardian shadow would opt to head for the warmer climates and leave them alone. It wasn't even that Geralt was worried about the man following them. Over the weeks it had become abundantly clear that he was trying to help in his own way, even fighting off a stray bandit or two to keep their tail clean. Rather, Geralt simply couldn't be bothered to exert the energy to get to know yet another person and it was another mouth to feed. Given his rather solitary nature, the fact he was travelling with a ragtag bunch was already quite exhausting.

As luck would have it, Geralt ended up with the Nilfgaardian trailing after them, heading steadily north. The weather got colder and sometimes Geralt caught the whiff of another camp fire, creeping a little closer as it that small lessening of distance would give their tail a smidgeon more warmth. It was pathetic and Geralt was more than a little pissed off. Still, at least the trip up to Kaer Morhen would lose him. Nobody was foolish enough to try and reach the old keep alone, even Witchers succumbed to the trail, a human by himself stood no chance. So either their foolhardy idiot would find shelter for the winter in the surrounding villages or he would perish.

They were at the bottom of the mountain, one last night to get some rest before they braved the slopes. Jaskier and Ciri definitely needed sleep and to give their bodies a break. Geralt was content to meditate, keeping them safe. In the distance he could hear their Nilfgaardian make camp, daring to stray as close as he ever had. Frustrated, Geralt found himself wishing that a bear would appear and deal with the annoyance for him. Alas, he couldn't hear or smell a bear in the region despite the villages mentioning that there had been some bears sighted earlier in the year. Thankfully the local hunters had taken care of them. Lost in thought, Geralt almost didn't register the sound of something snapping shut before a pained cry echoed in the forest. Immediately he was up, sword in hand while Jaskier was on his feet too, looking around in the darkness.

In the distance Geralt could hear pained hitches of breath plus a few agonised grunts. Whatever had happened, it wasn't the swift death he'd wished on the Nilfgaardian. There wasn't anyone or anything else in the vicinity so whatever had happened, the idiot did to himself. Probably stabbed himself with an arrow in the dark. Despite all his ill-wishes, Geralt couldn't bring himself to ignore someone in trouble.

"It's the Nilfgaardian. He's in trouble."

There wasn't any argument when he set off, Jaskier and Ciri behind him, treading carefully, a flaming torch lighting their way. Geralt almost wished they hadn't had the torch because then he wouldn't have had to see the scene in front of him in full colour. The Nilfgaardian was on the ground at the edge of a small clearing where he'd obviously planned on making camp. However, the stench of blood around him suggested that something hadn't gone according to plan. Walking up to him, Geralt watched as the man realised he wasn't alone and jerked upright. A beartrap kept him rooted though. His hands were bloody, even worse, his palms had been cut open from where he'd obviously tried to pry the metal from his leg. What struck Geralt though was just how young the man looked. Wide blue eyes stared up from shock paled skin, lips almost white enough to be missed. Only slightly older than Ciri, probably about twenty, Geralt couldn't fathom why someone so young was so desperate.

"You'll need to keep still while we get this off," Geralt said, crouching down. The young man tried to scramble away but aside from leaning back, he couldn't go anywhere. "Why don't we help with the pain a bit?" Hand raised, Geralt prepared to cast axii. Before he could, a rock connected with the man's temple and knocked him out cold as Jaskier stood behind him, hand wrapped around the lightly bloodied rock.

"That will keep him still and out of it," he declared. "It was the kindest thing."

"Or you could have let me use axii to keep him calm." Geralt tipped the man's head to the side to check how badly the rock had split his skin. It was going to give him quite the bruise, possibly a black eye and one hell of a headache. Still, it did made life easier and Geralt pried the trap off. It had snapped in bone deep, probably even broke his leg. Humans were fragile like that and the trap was meant for a bear. Sighing, Geralt looked around the miserable excuse of a half made camp. It screamed of skills learned on the fly, for the sole purpose of survival rather than something practiced in safety before being put into reality. "Grab his things. We'll head up to Kaer Morhen tomorrow and take him with us."

They had more in the way of bandages with them and, while the man was unconscious, Geralt did his best to clean the wounds, splint the leg and bandage it as well as the cuts on his hands. There wasn't much to be done for the headache of the future though.

In the morning Geralt roused from his meditation to find a pair of blue eyes staring at him.

"You going to make an example of me and kill me?" The accent was harsh despite the soft voice. It wasn't what Geralt had expected coming out of the man's mouth.

"Yeah, I wasted all the bandages on you just for that. Name's Geralt."

"Cahir Mawr Dyrryn aep Ceallach."

"Quite the mouthful. Cahir alright with you?" The nod was answer enough and Geralt set about getting breakfast ready. It was only thanks to the events of the previous night that he kept an eye out for more beartraps and avoided falling victim to one himself. He set it off with a stick and winced as it splintered under the metal jaws.

Despite their best efforts, by the time they'd loaded Cahir onto the cart strapped to Roach, his cheeks were flushed with fever and Geralt could smell the sickness on him. The valiant effort to get to know his new travelling companions better was foiled by the way Cahir kept drifting off, a combination of sickness and from the hit to the head. When he woke, it was only Jaskier's quick grab to the back of his shirt that kept Cahir on the cart as he threw up over the side.

It wasn't looking good. The first night they stopped, Geralt helped rebandage Cahir's injured leg. As the cloth fell away, it became amply evident that infection had thoroughly set in. The cuts were an angry red without defined edges to the inflammation while the wounds themselves were puckered with puss.

"It's fine," Cahir tried to reassure with a wobbly smile. "I've survived worse." Which may have been true but he'd probably also been in a place with better medical supplies. The gnarly scar below his collarbone and through to his back attested to his words but Geralt didn't think it was caused by an old, rusty beartrap. If they didn't make it to Kaer Morhen soon then no amount of surviving worse injuries was going to mean anything.

Come next morning Cahir was no longer quite so chirpy. He was still and silent on the cart, Ciri sat next to him and sometimes gesturing for Geralt to look, worried that Cahir had stopped breathing. He hadn't but his deathly pale complexion wasn't giving Geralt much hope. They were still at least a day and a half out from Kaer Morhen, maybe even two because of the additional weight on the cart.

A fever peaked and fell in cycles, each time Geralt hoped it would be the last but, before long, he reached to feel Cahir's skin and winced at how hot to the touch it felt once more.

By the time they made it up to Kaer Morhen, Geralt feared it would be just a corpse for a funeral pyre that they'd be dragging in. By some miracle it wasn't. With Eskel's help he pulled Cahir off the cart, floppy as unresponsive as he was, there was still air in his lungs and an erratic heartbeat in his chest.

"What did you bring us this time?" Lambert teased before getting a better look and his grin turned into a frown. "Well shit. I'll get Vesemir."

It took three days before Cahir was declared out of immediate danger. Geralt spent a lot of it down in the infirmary, sitting next to him. The others could start Ciri's training and Jaskier was no doubt pleased to get to spend time with Eskel again. It left Geralt in the quiet, watching over someone who he had convinced himself he hated. But this wasn't the person he'd conjured up in his mind. Barely older than Jaskier had been when they met, Cahir didn't look like he had any youthful optimism or naivety.

"I'm sorry." Geralt murmured, watching as Cahir slept, breath a little less thready. He should have been better. Shouldn't have judged, not when he was on the other end of so much of it himself.

By the time Cahir roused, everyone had settled into their winter routine. Ciri trained most days, reading tomes Vesemir left her when it got too cold for the outside obstacle course. It left Geralt free to sit with Cahir, watching as glazed eyes opened, unseeing. The worst thing was, not once did Cahir cry out for someone or reach for an invisible source of comfort. In all his years Geralt rarely found someone so lonely. Even Lambert, in his training days, had called out for his mother and, of late, for Aiden. It was a struggle to believe Cahir had nobody.

"Why?" The first word from cracked dry lips and Geralt jumped. He grabbed a wet rag and dabbed it against Cahir's lips, squeezing a little water into his mouth.

"Why what?" There were a lot of questions Cahir could have and Geralt wasn't a mind reader. He startled when a weak hand clasped around his wrist, keeping his hand close. It felt all too natural to take the rag in his other hand so he could cup Cahir's sunken cheek.

"You stayed."

Something told Geralt this wasn't something Cahir had encountered before and it broke his heart. Why nobody would stick around for him was baffling. Even a Witcher had more people looking out for him, he was certain. He cleared his throat, trying to think about why he stayed. It was true, he had no reason to. "I wanted to."

The soft 'oh' from Cahir pulled at something in his chest. He let Cahir tangle their fingers together shyly, looking up at him from the infirmary bed with so much awe and gratitude, Geralt didn't know what to do with it. So he sat back down into his chair and kept holding Cahir's hand. There was a lot of talking, of getting to know each other in their future. But, for now, Geralt was content to offer whatever comfort he could, vowing to be better than all those who had come before him.

[troublesometrollhunters]

Zouxie (Zoe X Douxie)

Merry Christmas and Happy Secret Santa to a fellow T.O.A fan! For you @dreamsarelikedragonflies!!! You asked for any Wizards content particularly Zouxie or Jlaire so I wrote a little Zouxie Snow fluff thing and made a fun asesthtic for our favourite punk wizards! :D

~~~

 Douxies breathing was heavy as he rushed through the woods cutting through them to get to the park. Leaves brushed past him smacking his face as roots snagged at his shoes tripping him as he ran forward. His breathing came out in deep huffs as he raced to where he was heading.

  Archie who'd been on his shoulder had hoped off after the ravenette hadn't been careful and he'd gotten a faceful of leaves. The familiar was now flying next to his charge, avoiding difficult obstacles the forest provided as he weaved around the trees and low hanging branches. Douxie cursed at his own impulsiveness speeding up. She was gonna lose her cool one of these days and it was going to cost him his relationship. Archie seemed to always be warning him about how if he kept diving headfirst into danger especially on date night it was gonna bite him. Sadly the dragon was right as always.

   After closing down the café something had caught his eye and he had to investigate. Well together, Archie and him had found a growing nest of shadow mephits. They'd blasted the poor creatures apart, sending the whole nest back to the netherworld but it took way longer than expected. And now, now Douxie feared something far scarier. 

 He was late. He was late. He was late. He was late again and Zoe was going to kill him. Bursting out of the woods stumbling through a bush he catches himself. Dirt and leaves covered his hoodie making him hiss. Archie landed on his shoulder licking his hair grooming him and Douxie had no doubt that twigs were stuck in his ponytail. Sighing as Archie tried to clean him up he didn't care about appearances. It's not like Zoe did either, at the moment he was way more concerned with the time than his disheveled looks. Still heaving out air trying to catch his breath he paused to look around the clearing. Unable to speak full sentences yet he snaps his fingers pointing up.

 "Archie..." Douxie begs his friend and the dragon nods launching himself off the wizards shoulder. Looking around frantically for his pink haired girlfriend Archie soars above the trees searching for her as well. Distracted with finding her he didn't hear the footsteps sneaking up behind him. Stiffening as he feels a hard smack and muttering an owww, he turns quickly and sees her. It was Zoe.

  Relief crosses his features as he does his best to catch his breath so he can muster an apology. Opening his mouth she holds out a hand as she frowns at him. Her fingers are warm and looking at Zoe a spark of electricity zapped over his lips making him blush. He smiles but she's not in the mood. 

 "You're late." She states putting a hand on her hip and glaring up at him. Douxie chuckles nervously before swallowing at the intense look. He was happy Zoe hadn't gone home even if she was mad at him. If she'd left before he got to explain she'd be pissed for days. If he could get a word in hopefully she'd rage but then probably forgive him by tomorrow. The second option was more appealing but from the look on her face explaining could make the situation so much worse. Trying to think of what to say Douxie scratches the back of his head fishing out a stick from his ponytail. He tosses it aside and meeting Zoes burning blue eyes he blushes. 

 "I'm here now?" He asks with a playful laugh trying to lighten the mood but Zoe looks unamused. She flicks a leaf out of his hair and raises a brow scanning his messy form. "I can explain." He states defensively as he holds up his hands smiling at her.

 She rolls her eyes uninterested and begins walking away arms crossed.

 "Wait! Wait!" Douxie begs following closely behind as Zoe starts stalking away. 

 "Your burger was getting cold and I got hungry so I ate it." Zoe says pausing to vent her frustration. He notices a crumpled up bag sticking out of the nearby bin and sighs. He had a feeling she had waited way longer than usual if she dug into his food. Or maybe him being late made her spiteful so she tore into the burger trying to calm down. They weren't always the best at talking things out but they were working on it and honestly anything from her was a relief at the moment. As she huffed at him facing away from him arms crossed he signs. 

 "Zoe... Snow?" Douxies about to explain himself. Plead his case that a hoard of shadow mephits had jumped out at him after his shift and distracted him from coming but he noticed white flakes falling from the sky. As they landed the stark white against Zoes pink hair couldn't be ignored. What was snow doing in California? It was chilly sure but it wasn't even cold enough for his breath to show. How was there snow? 

 "What are you blubbering on about?" Zoe demands turning to yell at him some more. Her blue eyes flash pink as she glares at him about to give Douxie an earful but his own green brown eyes are soft as he steps closer. Zoes breath catches in her throat as Douxie stops in front of her. She looks up at him flustered before he reaches out. He brushes something out of Zoe's hair, his brows furrowed. Her flustered expression changes to shock, her eyes widening as she sees white flakes on his fingers before they melt away. 

 "... Snow?" She mumbles. Looking up the wizards noticed the night sky had become much darker as gray clouds rolled in. They'd been so distracted talking to each other they hadn't even noticed. It seemed someone had been messing around with weather spells, this couldn't be a natural snow storm. Not in the climate or this time of year.  

 "Well love we can argue later I think we have more pressing issues to deal with." Douxie states seeing that the flakes were getting thicker as the snowfall became heavier. The storm was fast approaching and there was a dark presence in the air. Hands glowing Douxie nudges Zoe behind him worried as Archie flies down. 

 per the dragon had perched on a nearby tree to give them some privacy but the snow brought him back. 

 "Yeah that's a no brainer fuzzbuckets. Now why the heck is there about to be a freak blizzard in California?" Zoe questions nose crinkling as she turns towards the storm clouds. She never really liked cold weather.

   The snow becomes heavier and soon the wind follows blowing endless white their way. Zoe shivers not dressed for this but Douxies attention shifts from her as Archie hisses lowly. His familiar had never liked snow either but seeing it was magically summoned and probably deadly put the dragon more on edge. 

 "What is it Arch?" Douxie asks softly. Archies claws dig into Douxies jacket as he tenses. He takes a deep sniff of the air before beginning to morph into a much bigger form, clinging tightly to Douxie. His hackles raise as he begins to hiss lowly tail swinging back and forth in aggression as his eyes narrow.

 "Ice giants." He growls.

 "Ice giants? Here?" Zoe questions unsure. Maybe it was just a freak snow spell?

 Suddenly a blue foot comes crashing down from behind a building rattling shop windows and making cars shake before their alarms go off. A creature of ice and snow it stood thirteen feet tall with a tattered kilt to cover it's blue tinted legs and a long icicle club.

 "Here." Archie responds hissing low in his throat. Everyone pauses watching as the ice giants begin to multiple as they walk towards them. At least the creatures were mostly away from people and in an open clearing, if they made a plan together they could take them down without causing too much damage.

 "Okay Zoe we need-" Douxie starts but she's not listening. 

 "Well let's do this!" Charging excited for a fight, electricity explodes from Zoe's hands as she shoots an ice giant in its chest. The pink lightning that explodes from her fingertips gives the park a bright glow before it zaps the giant making it crumble harmlessly into snow. Douxie shakes his head forcing himself to stop watching his girlfriend as another monster attacks and he follows Zoes lead.

 "Be careful love!" He calls worried but Zoe was doing just fine melting and exploding the giants. Snow rained down around her bouncing pink light off her face as she shot her magic. The beasts crumpled before her and Douxie was starstruck by her power and brute determination.  

 As he stares at Zoe enamoured Archie swipes at his face.

 "Pay attention to the battle Hisirdoux!" He scolds and Douxie nods. As Archie spits a fireball Douxie amplifies the spells power, melting several of the giants. Standing back to back with Zoe her hands glow pink as his burn blue. He looks at the frost creatures that were slowly surrounding them. 

 "Who could've sent them?" Archie asks as Douxie blasts one of them back. Zoe shrugs, zapping another giant that got too close. Icy wind blew back her hair and she hissed sniffling at the cold. 

 "Maybe they're lost?" Zoe asks before she gives Douxie a sharp shove and dodges a giant club. Douxie smiles at her happy for the save but Zoe ignores him. She shoots electricity at the ice monster that had tried to squish her and it becomes a flurry of snow as she breathes in. Taking that as a hint to find out what's happening and keep fighting rather than apologizing Douxoe noticed the creatures looked similar to golems which might explain why they collapsed into snow once struck. They didn't seem like snow spirits but rather controlled creatures. 

 "Maybe but it's more likely they were summoned!" Douxie responds. He taps his bracelet searching for another powerful fire rune hoping to burn them all down and be done with it. "Besides Ice giants don't like leaving their territory! Someone must of brought them here!" Well that's what he assumed at least. Last time he fought Ice Giants he was in Sweden a couple hundred years ago looking for some ancient texts. As far as he knew Ice giants never came out this far and they didn't just dissolve away like this.

 "DUCK!" Snapping back to attention Douxie huffs as he sees the crater that was almost him. Looking at Zoe wanting to apologize first for missing their date and now this mess she's already on the other side of the battle field trying to lead the ice creatures into the forest away from all the easily damaged park and innocent street shops. 

 "Zoe I-" He calls but she's only focused in the fight. 

 "Hisirdoux!" Archie calls and Douxie turns eyes wide. Bringing up his arms to defend himself unable to cast a shield in time, the hairs on his arms stand up. 

 "HEY! ONLY I GET TO HURT HIM!" 

A pink blast of 1000 volts of electricity were shot over Douxies head directly at the ice giants heart. The magic made contact and it exploded into a million pieces sending ice and snow everywhere. 

 "Thanks Zoe-" Douxie says smiling but Zoe isn't having it as she cuts him off. 

 "DON'T BE A DUMMY FOCUS ON THE FIGHT!" She orders before turning and facing the Giants that were slowly cornering her. Douxie nods. He turns towards his own foes and the fight goes on. 

~~~

About an hour later and they had won. The last few flakes of snow fluttered around them as the ice giants began to melt away. They didn't know who sent these creatures but they were taking care of themselves and nothing seemed to be amiss. Panting heavily Douxie smiled at Zoe who'd saved his ass during that fight more than once. 

 "I'd just like-" He starts wanting to apologize for all of this but Zoe wasn't having it. He guess he deserved the cold shoulder all things considered.

 "Hey dork?" Turning to face Zoe she grabbed his hoodie before pulling him into a kiss. Melting into it, like the snow was doing around them he leaned in cupping Zoes face. She smiles eyes tinged pink like her cheeks from the overuse of magic. Closing his eyes humming happily as he continues Zoe pulls away breathless. Laughing softly she leans into his chest hugging him tight and Douxie tucks her head under his chin as they take a moment to breathe.

  Pulling away far too quickly for Douxie's taste she smiles walking back towards the town. He blinks as he realizes the kiss was a distraction and she'd snagged his hoodie. "You're buying the burgers this time! I'm starving thanks to that little squable." She states taking out his wallet from his jacket pocket. Douxie shakes his head following after his mischievous girlfriend who'd seemed to forgiven him.

   Archie purrs looking up at Zoe and Zoe smiles scooping the familiar into her arms and cooing. "And your getting a treat for Archie too." She adds nuzzling the cat. Archie makes pleased sounds and curls up in her arms adoringly. Douxie chuckles smiling at Zoe as he follows her.

 "Deal. Oh and Zoe?" Zoe hums in response and Douxie steals a quick kiss on her cheek. "Love ya." He states before running off to where the burger shack was. 

 "WHY YOU LITTLE!" Chuckling as he keeps running he smiles, frostbitten but happy. He loved her more than she'd ever know. 

[princesspiratecat]

The Rise and Fall of the Shepard Family Part 22: Spring, 1083

(This is a long one, but hopefully worth the read!)

Part 1& Part 2

Part 3 & Part 4

Part 5 & Part 6 & Part 7

Part 8 & Part 9 & Part 10

Part 11 & Part 12 & Part 13

Part 14 & Part 15 & Part 16

Part 17 & Part 18 & Part 19

Part 20 & Part 21

Never before had Gwendolyn felt so happy as she did when her sister had arrived to visit her at her little hovel. She hadn’t been able to stop the tears from flowing, and soon both of them were wiping them away. 

After the servant had left, Gwyn had demanded to know everything, but Gwendolyn didn’t know where to begin. There was so much to tell, and all of it pained her to speak of. 

“Is this really where you are now residing? This little hovel?” Gwyn turned a discerning eye towards the house as they walked nearer to it, and Gwendolyn felt herself blush with shame. She had tried to keep it neat and tidy, but there wasn’t much she could do without a proper set of tools. The hovel was just too poorly constructed for even the most basic of shelters. It felt like a blessing when the weather had finally turned and she no longer had to worry about rain falling on her bed. She could only hope it would not snow or rain again.

“I’m afraid so. The day of my birthday Marcelle hastily had my bags packed and drove me here in a covered wagon. He told me this would be my new home after we arrived. I should have suspected something that morning based on his behavior.....but I fear, I blindly trusted him.”

“Do not blame yourself. How could you have known what he was going to do? This has taken us all by surprise. When I found out you had been sent away, I could hardly believe it. It is Marcelle that must take the blame, not you.” As they reached the front room, Gwendolyn stoked the fire and began to prepare a meal, as the sun would be setting soon and she imagined her sister must be hungry. She immediately noticed how much food there was in the basket, and it was of better quality than what she normally was given.

 “What do you mean, us? How did you come to find out that I was here in the first place?” They sat down to a nice hot bowl of soup Gwendolyn had made from a fat hare she had caught yesterday. 

“I didn’t. Francine wrote about a month ago, and the letter had been given to me by Oswin.”

“Oswin? You mean, Oswald’s younger brother?”

“The very same, yes. I had thought it strange that she hadn’t invited me to visit her for such a long time, but in the letter she explained that she had suddenly been forbidden to see me by Marcelle, yet didn’t say why. In her next letter, she told me that the engagement had been broken off, and you had been sent away, but that she didn’t know where you had gone. When I confronted Aélfgiva about seeing you, she said she would talk to Marcelle. Not long afterwards, he wrote to say that a servant would fetch me in the morning to take me to you, and here I am.”

The humiliation that Gwendolyn had endured upon being sent off was awful in and of itself, but the idea that her entire family was now somehow tainted, and not good enough to associate with any of the Allards, hurt her even more. “ I had not thought that my exile had been extended to my entire family. This is worse than I had imagined.” 

“What exactly did he say to you? How did he justify his actions!? How could he bring you to this shithole, in the middle of a forest?!”

Slowly, Gwendolyn revealed all that her sister did not yet know. She tried not to dwell on the parts of the story that were especially painful, and rushed through his unkind words when he had dragged their family down to the mud, implying that they were nothing. She found it was nearly impossible for her to say the exact words he had said about their father, because the loss of him was still fresh pain for both of them. But somehow she got through it all, and then shared how she now viewed everything. 

“This hovel....this dung heap of a house, is his feeling about me, about us- made manifest and clear. But it’s worse than our house was. It’s worse than anything I’ve ever had to endure. And I was left alone to fend for myself when the snow storm came. I had to find food for myself, otherwise I would have starved.”

There was such anger on her sister’s face at hearing those words. “What about your dowry?! We had so many excellent animals. Surely it was worth more than this!”

“Oh Gwyn.....don’t you see? This is my dowry. This hovel is now all that I have....” Putting her troubles into words made them all the more real and soon Gwendolyn could not stop the sobs from violently shaking her body again. She got up and leaned her head against the counter, as the tears just kept on coming. 

Gwyn said nothing, but silently cried as well. 

“I’ve been clinging to the idea of Frances for months now. And I cannot understand why he hasn’t come to see me, even if it’s just to say goodbye. Am I really so terrible that I do not deserve such simple consideration? How can I be his future bride one day, and the next not even fit to say a single word to him? I cannot make sense of it......” she was sobbing so hard now that she could not continue. 

“Oh, please don’t upset yourself further. I do not believe Frances has any idea where you are”, said Gwyn. That got her attention and her head snapped up.

“What!?”

“I do not believe any of them know. Marcelle must have kept it a secret from all of them, because if one of them knew, they would all find out. Frédérique would never keep a secret like that from her brother, nor would Francine. The letter that she sent made it clear. He could not write to you, so she wrote to me. And that is why Marcelle forbade any of them from speaking to any of us.”

“I had not considered that. But....you must be right.”

“Perhaps that is also why Marcelle sent me a map and allowed me to see you. He still thinks that his children will blindly obey him. Indeed, he must feel very comfortable with that idea, which is why he didn’t think it necessary to keep you and I apart any longer. If his children don’t speak to us, he has no reason to continue punishing you.”

“Yes. He may also not want to be seen as the type of man who punishes two young girls who have done nothing wrong. I noticed how he sent a lot more food, of higher quality this time around. He even sent linens. He has never done that before. He wants to appear the good benefactor still- at least to you and Aélfgiva.”

After a long silence Gwendolyn gained some composure of herself and sat down by the fire again, staring into the orange flickering flames. It gave her some relief to know that Frances didn’t know where she was, and perhaps hadn’t given into his father so easily. Everything her sister had said made perfect sense. 

“I like to think that Marcelle has some heart left. I like to think that he still cares about us. Only his pride got in the way", said Gywn. Her sentiments may have been true, but Gwendolyn no longer wished to think about him. It was now time to turn their minds to the task of getting her out, and how they would accomplish that.  

“I must speak with Frances. I must. I have had so long to ponder the situation, if I don’t get any answers, I fear I will lose my mind and go mad.”

"Of course you shall. And I will assist you in any way that I can.”

The next morning they poured over the map and calculated that Gwendolyn had been taken over twenty miles from the Allard estate to the hovel, which was in the middle of two very small villages that neither had heard of. Having no money and few resources, the main obstacle in her leaving would be where she would go. She could not stay at the orphanage, and of course going back to the estate was impossible. 

“If only you had parted on better terms with Oswald, then perhaps we could ask his family”, Gwyn said. 

“What better way could there have been? Oswald did not want to break off the engagement for any reason. I tried to spare his feelings as best as I could, but given that I hadn’t seen him for so long....it was difficult. I realized that day that he had changed beyond recognition to me, and I no longer knew him.”

“You have been engaged most of your life to someone, and yet still remain unmarried. Do you not ever wish you had married Oswald instead? At least you would not be alone now.” 

Gwendolyn’s features clouded into sadness, as she had realized the same thing her sister spoke of from the very beginning of her troubles. Her life seemed to consist of always waiting, always hoping, always dreaming of having a family of her own and finding that she belonged somewhere, and she resented it. 

“Maybe, but would I have been happy? What Frances and I had was real, and what Oswald and I had was a youthful fancy. I know that now that I am older. I can never go back.” 

When they tallied up their resources, it was decided that Gwyn would return home when the servant came to fetch her, as was planned. She would then combine the meager allowance she and Edith were given at the orphanage, and income from the pelts of the animals Gwendolyn had caught, and try to procure a horse. Then she would ride back and come and fetch her sister, then they would ride to Grimsby. She would speak with Frances at any cost and Gwyn agreed that it was imperative that she do so- even if it meant further punishment from Marcelle.

The next morning was a cold one, and snow began again to fall upon the ground, but only lightly. Despite the foul weather she knew she would have to shelter herself from, she felt better than she had in months. 

“You have Mama’s strength, and you will get through this. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

She tenderly embraced her sister goodbye, and watched the wagon grow smaller and smaller as it slowly disappeared down the road, which was beginning to freeze. She sat down upon a log and got lost in her thoughts, contemplating how happy the visit had made her. It had brought her comfort, relief from her loneliness, and hope all at once. She was lucky that she still had some family left, even if they were orphans now. I’m not alone. I have the love of my sisters. 

She turned to head into the house, but then heard a horse in the distance and stopped to listen. It was the sound of a single horse, and she wondered if something had gone wrong with the wagon. Was her sister in trouble? The sound grew closer and closer, and she headed back down the path to the road, shivering slightly in the cold. But it was not the servant or her sister on this horse. It was Frances.

[rookie-ramsey]

Songbird, Chapter 9 (Ethan X MC)

Description: She thought the biggest obstacle of her life was surviving medical school. Life had a funny away of proving her wrong with a breast cancer diagnosis.

Preview: His dad reached out and gave his shoulder a squeeze.“I’m proud of you, Ethan. I never thought I’d see this day.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Ethan smiled softly, relaxing and letting out a deep breath. “And honestly, I never thought I’d see it, either. I never thought it was something I’d want, but things change. I know that now.”

Previous Chapter

The next day, Ethan took Olivia home. He had plenty of days saved that he could take off to stay with her.

As soon as they walked into his apartment, Olivia made a beeline for the couch. She flopped unceremoniously onto it and curled up under the plush Edenbrook blanket Bryce and Sienna had gifted her.

“You rest for now. I’ll wake you up for dinner later.”

“Okay.” Closing her eyes, she wrapped her arms around a pillow and dozed off in a matter of minutes.

Unwilling to be far from her just yet, Ethan sat at the other end of the couch and quietly busied himself with some patient files. Once the afternoon sunlight gave way to evening, he left the living room to start dinner.

Per her request, Ethan made Georgian stuffed chicken. By the time the oven buzzed to alert him that the chicken was done, Olivia was awake and shuffled sleepily into the kitchen.

“How do you feel?”

“Still tired. I feel like I could go into hibernation.” Olivia washed her hands and accepted the plate of chicken he handed her. She took a seat at the table and took a bite of chicken.

Ethan sat down as well. “You need all the rest you can get. Your body is still recovering from the infection.”

“I know. I just wish I didn’t feel like sleeping all the time. At least I have an appetite today.”

He nodded encouragingly. “That’s good. You haven’t had one in a few days.”

Olivia ate her dinner in slow, small bites to avoid unsettling her stomach. She ate half of it before she felt full and stopped. “I won’t risk it. I’d like to get through one night without violently puking.”

“Understandable.”

After dinner, Olivia felt more alert and wanted to rest on the couch again instead of going to bed just yet. She made herself comfortable next to Ethan as she clicked through Netflix to find something to watch.

“There’s something I’d like to talk to you about.”

“What is it?”

Ethan cupped her cheek in his hand and stroked her jaw with his thumb. “Do you remember that conversation we had several months ago? When we talked about our future.”

Olivia nodded curiously. “I remember.”

“You said you saw marriage in our future. Do you still see that?”

Her expression softened, her eyes giving way to longing and barely concealed pain. “I remember. I just hope that future is a reality for me one day.”

“Who says we need to put it off?”

At that, she arched a brow. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying? An impulse marriage?”

“I’ve given this plenty of thought. And your impulsivity… well, it’s contagious.” Ethan couldn’t contain an amused smile. He reached into his pocket and revealed a ring box.

Olivia’s eyes widened. “You’re serious…”

“Aren’t I always?” Ethan opened the box to reveal the sparkling band. “You told me once that love doesn’t have to make sense. I understand that now. I know you’re going to live to see your future and I’d like to be a part of it, if that’s what you want. Will you marry me?”

Her eyes glistened with tears. Nodding shakily, she threw her arms around him and smiled. “Yes.”

Ethan pulled her close and kissed her head. He took her hand into his and gently slipped the ring on her finger. “I love you.”

“I love you, too…” She laid her head on his shoulder. “I want to get married in the summer. I’ll be done with chemo then. Maybe by then I won’t look like a walking skeleton.”

“Don’t,” he chastised gently. “You would look beautiful regardless of when we held the wedding. But we can have the ceremony whenever you want. It’s up to you.”

“In the summer. I want the weather to be nice. And that gives me time to finish my treatments before we start planning.”

Ethan nodded and looped his arms around her. “I’ll be content with anything that you want.”

She grinned. “I feel so spoiled.”

“That’s my goal.” Ethan’s eyes softened. “Anything you want.”

“Whipped,” she teased.

“What can I say?” Ethan grinned and kissed her softly. “I enjoy spoiling you.”

Happier than she’d been in months, she leaned into his kiss. Then she held her hand out to admire the reflection of the light against its stones. “How long have you had the ring?”

“A while,” he admitted. “I had planned on an elaborate dinner proposal, but… some things don’t go as planned.”

“I like impulsive Ethan,” Olivia agreed. She leaned against his side and closed her eyes. “I’m ready to go back to sleep, but there’s one tiny problem.”

“What’s that?”

“The bed is all the way at the end of the hall, and I don’t feel like getting up.” She opened her eyes enough to give him an innocent pleading look.

“Sounds like a predicament. What am I supposed to do about that?” Ethan teased. He stood up and lifted her into his arms. With a smirk, she wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned up to kiss him as he carried her to their bedroom.

“See? I told you. Whipped.”

Her first two nights of leave were peaceful enough. She knew it would only last until her next chemo session, so she took advantage of it while she could by spending as much time as possible eating her favorite foods and staying out of bed.

Just as Olivia suspected, her next chemo session left her feeling miserable. Normally, the side effects didn’t hit her until a few hours later, but this time she felt ill barely an hour after they’d left her appointment.

Half-asleep, she blinked tiredly when she heard keys in the front door, followed by the door opening and closing. A minute later, Ethan joined her in the bedroom. “That was fast.”

Ethan shrugged. “I didn’t want to leave you alone longer than absolutely necessary.” He reached into the bags and set out the ginger ale and medication he had picked up.

Nauseous and uncomfortable, Olivia sat up and dispensed two of the tablets into her mouth, following it with a slow sip of ginger ale. Any medication she had tried barely made a dent in the nausea, but she figured some relief was better than none at all.

Sighing, she curled up further under the covers. A tremor went through her, making her wince. Ethan’s hand smoothed over her forehead, brushing away a strand of cold sweat.

“Is there anything else I can get for you?”

She shook her head. “Just keep me company. I don’t want to be nauseous and bored at the same time.”

“We can’t have that.” Ethan sat on the bed and leaned against the headboard. He opened his arms to her. Grateful, Olivia snuggled into his chest and sighed.

“Ethan, I’ve been thinking about something.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t want to wait until summer. I want to get married sooner. I know everything is looking better for my illness, but… you know how unpredictable things can be. And I don’t want to risk not seeing that day happen.”

Ethan froze, his throat clenching a little. “You’re still worried that you won’t go into remission.”

She nodded slightly. “I know I’m supposed to focus on the positive test results, but all it takes is one setback to make things go south. I want to make sure our wedding day happens, if it’s okay with you for us to have it sooner.”

He rested his head against hers, kissing it softly. “I already told you that I’m happy with whatever you want. Are you sure that this is what you want?”

“I’m sure.”

“Then we’ll start planning.”

XXXXXX

All of their friends were surprised when Olivia rescheduled their wedding, but they understood.

She didn’t think she would ever lose the fear that her cancer would kill her, so she wanted to take every opportunity possible while she could. If things worked the way they were supposed to, then she would recover and they would enjoy a long married life together.

Still,  if there was even the slightest chance that waiting until summer would mean she would die before their wedding, she wouldn’t risk it.

A month after Ethan proposed to her in their living room, they held a small ceremony in the hospital’s chapel. They kept the guest list small and the ceremony simple.

Ethan felt his heart racing with an unusual nervousness as he waited. His dad reached out and gave his shoulder a squeeze.

“I’m proud of you, Ethan. I never thought I’d see this day.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Ethan smiled softly, relaxing and letting out a deep breath. “And honestly, I never thought I’d see it, either. I never thought it was something I’d want, but things change. I know that now.”

The pianist started playing a soft melody. Inhaling sharply, Ethan moved into his position on the altar and watched as their small wedding party walked down the aisle, stopping when they reached the altar.

When the melody changed and Ethan saw Olivia at the end of the aisle, standing next to Naveen, his breath hitched in his throat. A soft smile pulled at his lips as the two made their way down the aisle.

Halfway down the aisle, Olivia faltered a little with dizziness. Ethan noticed and instinctively started to step off of the altar, but Naveen steadied her and they started walking again.

When they reached the altar, Ethan reached out and gently took Olivia’s hands into her own. She smiled, leaning slightly into him for support. Ethan gazed down at her, his eyes softer than she’d ever seen them.

Naveen took his place and gave them a warm smile before he spoke. “We’re gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of Ethan Ramsey and Olivia Winchester…”

Next chapter

Tag List, Part 1

@princess-geek / @buzz-bee-buzz / @lapisreviewsstuff / @polishchoicesfan / @msjpuddleduck / @silverlitskies / @paulfwesley / @dr-brianna-casey-valentine / @junehiratas / @choicesstanblog / @trappedinfandoms / @justanotherrookie / @imescullen / @bellcat2010 / @desmaranj / @lion-ess24 / @openheart12 / @mvalentine / @choicesfanaf / @whatchique / @smilex1104 / @elephant9998 / @nooruleman / @caseyvalentineramsey / @kaavyaethanramsey / @xee-na / @edith-eggs1 / @oofchoices / @schnitzelbutterfingers / @tefigranger / @laceandlula / @paisleylovergirl / @simsvetements / @crazy-loca-blog / @somegdchoices / @jlynn12273 / @sanchita012 / @forthebrokenheartedthings / @lilyvalentine / @parkerattano / @drramseysownsme / @misswhit12 / @drethanfreakingramsey / @juneiswriting / @macy-ray85 / @swimmingauthordreamerbonk / @myusualnerdyself / @siaramsey / @takemyopenheart / @queencarb / @drakewalker04

[shinydelirium]

MLQC Season 2 Chapter 8 (Kiro) Part 2 [Scramble] & [Bad Signs] Translation [CN]

***SPOILERS*** THIS POST CONTAINS HEAVY SPOILERS FOR CONTENT NOT YET RELEASED ON EN SERVER!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!***

For the previous translations of Season 2 Chapter 8: Part 1

Enjoy~

[Scramble]

Tomorrow is Kiro’s new song conference.

This will be Kiro’s first public appearance since the “black powder incident”.

There are still many things to prepare and Kiro’s plan to “disappear out of thin air” has been resolved and things are on track again.

Such an ordinary and busy life makes me feel a long-lost sense of peace.

At 7 o’clock in the evening, I opened the door of the office and put my coffee and supper for overtime work on the table, but found that everyone was gathered around watching something.

MC: What’s going on?

Kiki: A large passenger plane almost crashed.

Kiki spoke and pointed to the live video taken by a witness on the screen.

Kiki: I heard that the aircraft was affected by strong air currents which caused the aircraft’s instruments to malfunction. During landing, it almost ran off the runway. Look, it’s so thrilling!

MC: Are there any casualties?

Willow: Although it landed safely, there is probably still some psychological aftermath.

Willow: By the way, boss, didn’t you also go to the airport today? Didn’t you know how serious it was?

I took the newspaper and scanned the headlines that were in bold.

“Fright in the air—Captain Evolver turned the tide and saved 189 passengers”—Was it that serious?!

Kiki: In fact, it is also a good thing. The relationship between ordinary people and Evolvers was so tense some time ago. This news can ease the relationship.

Kiki: Oh yeah, boss, here is the venue layout for the new song conference. You can take a look.

Kiki’s words brought me back to the present, and I took the plan from her.

The company attaches great importance to this event and has specially contracted the central square with the largest traffic in the city center and selected 3000 fans to participate in this new song launch event.

The surrounding LED screens and bus stations were all taken over by Kiro advertisements and even the subway stations printed the promotion of Kiro’s new song release in advance.

MC: Our security measures must be handled well, and there must be no mistakes and follow-up propaganda must be kept up while the iron is hot.

MC: Wait a minute, what’s that webpage right there?

Kiki: Oh, this—

Willow: …Don’t look at it, boss.

I didn’t listen and grabbed the mouse and clicked on the webpage. As soon as I looked, the huge bold words caught my attention.

“Freshly released--11th Annual Lightning Protection Ranking for Media Graduate’s Employment”

Kiki: Boss, your approval rate is only 10%.

Willow: You have to add the votes cast by a few of us to switch back and forth for you.

MC: ….Why are you so concerned about such boring things!

Willow: Hehe, this is not for you to fight injustice.

Kiki: But don’t worry, as long as Kiro stands on the stage, everything will be fine. He is our ace artist.

I clicked on the comment section of “Miracle Finder” and found that there were still many insults against the show and Evolvers.

Kiki: Speaking of, there was a high school student who came to the company last week and said he was looking for the boss. His words were very intense and I didn’t know why.

Kiki: It could also be affected by recent public opinion to express dissatisfaction with our program.

Thinking of countless harassing calls, rumors from the outside world, obstacles and prejudices during the filming of “Miracle Finder”…

I couldn’t help but clench my fists. Then, my heart ignited an unprecedented fighting spirit.

MC: Alright, it’s time to kick away the negativity and theories that have accumulated before!

The cold light from above shines into the empty, confined dim space. The dark grey staircase in the middle continues to spiral up like a snake sleeping in the shadows.

??: Sir, the undercover agents F-45 and U-2 of the Task Force have died.

??: …Also, the young man said that no more medicine will be provided to us during this time. If we want to trade, we need to show greater sincerity.

Thinking of the dark gray-eyed youth, the reporting man showed fear on his face.

??: …The experimental record of the transaction at the auction is indeed fake and it appears to be bait released by B.S. itself.

The man in the wheelchair did not respond and seemed not to care about the news reported by his subordinate.

He only looked at the detailed information in his hand.

“The Inverted Smile Film and Television Company’s veteran variety show “Miracle Finder” has reached a new record. The company and the Task Force have reached a filming cooperation and the crime documentary has been a great success”…

His gaze fell on a line of words, showing a thoughtful expression.

It turns out that the producer who was taken away by the Task Force is also from B.S.

A smiled appeared on his lips and his fingers seemed to tap the handrail lightly in a steady rhythm.

??: Sir, we can’t wait any longer. The organization’s recent actions have been constrained everywhere. We must find the person behind it…..

The man in the wheelchair raised his head and looked at his subordinate gently.

??: Don’t worry, there is still plenty of time.

??: When the fish bites the hook and jumps out of the water, you will naturally see the person fishing on the other end.

??: Right now, we have found the best fish to bite the bait.

[Bad Signs]

With Kiro’s return, my work has been on the right track.

The days seem to blend together and there has been no room for breathing.

Early the next morning, I drowsily walked out the gate of the residence, ready to go to the company.

A newsstand was set up next to the entrance and several people were distributing free newspapers while saying something to the pedestrians passing by.

Enthusiastic woman: Hey, miss, come here.

MC: Ma’am, what is it?

I took the newspaper from her in wonder. My eyes quickly swept across the headlines of today’s news.

“In-depth restoration of airport accident; the flight nearly crashed due to the Captain’s Evol!?!”

I skimmed through the full article and found that today’s news’ explanation of the aviation accident was a big reversal compared to yesterday.

It turned out that the accident wasn’t caused by turbulence, but because the captain’s Evol was out-of-control.

Yesterday’s news was just to quell the recent series of press releases against Evolvers, concealing the facts.

Is that really the case….

Looking at the vicious words above, I frowned slightly.

The people handing out the newspapers yelled the truth about the media’s hidden information while continuing to distribute newspapers to passing pedestrians.

The crowd of onlookers whispered on one side and from time to time, their conversations trickled into my ears.

Passerby A: The truth about yesterday’s emergency landing accident was not what was reported on TV at all.

Passerby B: Obviously this Captain’s out-of-control Evol affected the flight and yet they said he was a hero. I think this kind of person shouldn’t be in this type of industry.

Passerby C: Yeah, Evolvers shouldn’t be engaged in this kind of business when they are responsible for public safety!

The ridicule of Evolvers and the dissatisfaction with the truth about the media hiding things continued on. Some are justified but some are just unfounded.

Hearing everyone’s increasingly violent words, my heart feels weak.

The life that has been calm for a short time seems to have caused waves again.

As soon as I got to the company, my cell phone rang and I saw it was an unfamiliar number.

MC: Hello? May I ask who’s calling?

The other end was quiet for a while, and then I heard a somewhat stiff voice.

??: Cancel today’s event or you will face the consequences.

The person on the other end deliberately lowered his voice but I could still tell that he was a young boy.

MC: Sorry, I don’t understand what you are talking about.

MC: Hello…?

He suddenly hung up.

I was confused and wanted to call back but only the sound of a dial tone was heard.

Getting all kinds of strange phone calls these days, I didn’t pay too much attention to it but I still increased security measures for the afternoon activities.

I put down my phone and looked up at the weather outside the window feeling a little disturbed.

In any case, I hope everything goes well in the afternoon.

On the empty train station platform, a staff member made an announcement, urging passengers to leave.

After confirming that no one remained, he walked out of the kiosk, put a “suspended operation” sign in front of the train and left.

In a corner where no one noticed, the elevator door slowly opened and a thin boy stepped out.

He lowered his head and walked to the car door, slightly raised his hand and the sign was pushed aside.

When he raised his hand again, the train door seemed to be torn open arbitrarily by some force.

The boy went straight in.

The quiet train suddenly rumbled and lurched forward.

-End of Part 2-

Continue to Final Part 

[littleredlie]

chaos - part one

chaos masterlist 

1.5k+ words 

“you don’t smile anymore,” she cups his cheek while her heart shatters to pieces, her dark brown eyes can no longer recognizing the green-eyed man that sat in front of her. “i miss your smile.” a sob dares to escape from her throat, a single tear drips down to their conjoined hands where his grip is strong and his thumb absentmindedly caresses her soft skin. she is meddling with the barely used hair tie that adorned his wrist, the one she gave him.

who was he? she didn’t know.

his eyes look empty, sad, angry, lonely, dark, all in one and it tore her apart. this was not the man she met three years ago. this was not the man she fell in love with. 

“i miss you eren,” she whispers as the hum of the blimp vibrates around them. the skin of his constrained hand is cold contrasting her warm skin, which she gained from whipping around in the air for the mission they just fulfilled. the chaos of their actions dying down as they got further and further away from marley and eren’s destruction.

the couple was on one side of the room they were in, but she knew that she didn’t have much time left to talk to him. it was only a matter of seconds before hange came out of the cockpit or levi walked back over from the hushed conversation he was having with armin and mikasa. the highly skilled soldier wasn’t even that far but he wanted to give the two young adults a little space as much as possible. but it wasn’t like her lover was talking. 

her darker hands abandon his touch and she stands, taking a few steps back.  zeke yeager’s body finally comes into her vision and she could tell that he was listening. but she ignores him. despite eren’s plan and his importance, she did not like him. she probably got that from levi. yelena stood in between the yeager brothers, but she avoids looking the tall woman in the eye.

“i would like for you to come back,” hesitantly, her hand raises from her side to tuck a strand of his hair behind his ear. he looked like a damn mess but to her, he looked so beautiful. and she knew it was because she hadn’t seen him in so long.

the titan marks were slowly disappearing off of his face and when she pulled her hand away, her fingers grazed them softly. this caused him to finally look up at her and her full lips deliver him the smallest of smiles. he could see the small teardrops decorating her black skin and the way her eyes were filled with worry. worry for him. 

before either of them could say something, levi walks over and she distances herself from the titan shifter, firmly placing himself beside the man who was shorter than her. “you should go check on your brother.” the older man says, his eyes looking at eren but addressing her. he wanted her to leave, because he knew that her admiration for eren would cloud her judgement. he already witnessed the great strength she had to use to restrain herself when he kicked eren earlier. 

“okay,” she softly says, her hands clutching the bandage that was wrapped around her hand and up her right arm, blood staining the white fabric. “you would think that after all the couple of years you spent training me, i would get out of this unscathed.” the horrors of the night flash behind her eyes and she shuts them tight. so many bodies, so much blood, so much chaos.

“get better before you die.” levi bluntly answers and she looks at him to find him looking at her. she gives him a firm nod and walks towards the cockpit door. before she enters she looks back and sees eren sitting, watching her walk away while levi is still looking down at him, a steely look stamped onto his face.

she opens the door and steps in. her eyes cast on the floor as she walks closer into the cockpit. her distracted mind causes her to run into hange who is overlooking onyankopon’s ability at flying the blimp. “i’m sorry hange.” she rushes out, her heart hammering in her chest. the brunette scientist lays a hand on her shoulder and grins. 

“no need to look so scared, i’m not going to throw you off the blimp,” that brings a smile to both of  their faces. hange could see the weathered down look on her face because they also could see the obvious affection that she displayed towards eren. when he disappeared behind enemy lines, the worry manifested in her actions, and now hange didn’t know what eren’s actions would push her to.

“of course.” slightly bowing her head, she then continues to her destination and hange continues working.

“onyankopon, how long do you think it’ll take to get back to paradis?”

“a few hours.” her brother looks out to the landscape below, the hum of the blimp is louder there. “how are you doing, nyame?”

“i don’t know, kopo.” she sits in the seat to his right, assisting him with some of the buttons. “did you know he’d do this? did yelena?” her brother is quiet for a while, but nyame doesn’t say anything that could possibly accuse him. 

“everything will be alright.”

“will it?” she whispers, her mind going back to times where everything was better. times where she would find her stare lingering on eren and those private and secret moments the two would find together. shy and hesitant kisses and hand holding. what has she gotten herself into?

her hand passes over her thick hair, there is blood matted into it and it disgusts her. taking the hair tie from her wrist, she wraps the curls oh her head into a bun as best as she could. the quick movements of her hands was a technique that she learned from sasha, someone who always had her hair up. nyame used to always have her hair down, but when she started learning how to use the odm gear, sasha advised that she either cut it or put it up in a practical design. 

the braids must have come undone when she had to thwart the flying obstacles thrown by the beast titan. the thought reminds her of the throbbing pain emitting from her right arm. her movements were sloppy when they were put under the test of speed and it caused for her throw her body onto sharp debris. connie had helped her bandage the wound as soon as she landed in the blimp. but what she really wanted to do was discard of the black and white uniform that she still had on and wash off all the grime that was present on her body. 

“don’t think like that, nyame.” her brother gives her a soft look, the only comfort he could give his little sister at the moment. “but hopefully next time you’ll listen to me when i say don’t join the military.” the teasing pulls out a chuckle from both of them.

“i had to make sure you weren’t gonna go and get yourself killed. but it all wasn’t so–” nyame’s interrupted by a commotion coming from the room she was previously in. her and her brother’s eyes meet and he gives her a nod, getting her to move out and see what it was. she moves around hange, who’s focusing on something else, and towards the door.

when she is back out there, jean is at the entrance, clutching the bodies of two bruised children. “who are these brats?” nyame is able to catch as she steps further into the room, the door to the cockpit closing slowly behind her.

“they killed lobov and used his equipment to board the ship,” there is a slight anger accompanied by sadness and nyame feels as if there is more to the story. “and then... this girl shot sasha. i don’t think there’s any hope for her...” the last of his words got softer and softer, as if falling into a void where he hoped that what he said would become false.

at that mikasa and armin run past the trio and out to where they last saw sasha. nyame hesitates, not knowing if she would be allowed to grieve with them. sure, she had gotten close to them over the years but she was still an outsider. she looks to eren and he has a look of shock on his face. but she couldn’t decipher him, which saddened her even more. and without a second thought, nyame also leaves the room, chasing down her comrades.

the sight that was introduced to her eyes is a heartbreaking one. connie passes by her towards the room she just came from. she can see the tears swimming down his face and the tension on his forehead. mikasa and armin are crying and screaming beside their fallen comrade. 

sasha is gone.

all nyame can do is stare. her heart slows and her hands clenched into fists ignoring the pain that radiates from the action. her vision gets blurry as tears begin to silently escape. the sound of screams overcoming the sound of her thoughts. a pressure begins to grow in her chest and she realizes that it is her heart breaking even more. staring at the scene before her, disbelief grows at her brother’s words. everything will be alright.

and in a harsh whisper, while looking at the empty eyes of sasha braus, nyame proclaims it. “will it, kopo? because i don’t think it will.”

____________________________________

A/N okay, so this fic idea has been on my mind since i watched sasha’s death and we met onyankopon (it was easier to add another black character, not like that will stop me). and i am fucking obsessed with eren and levi. i will continue this cause i fucking love this anime/manga. i will be following closer to the manga though, so like yeah. i also had a short reiner fic in mind, but that won’t be a series like this one will be. let me know what you think

part two

[miss-tc-nova]

Unconventional Wayfinders - Xehanort x Eraqus

I’m not entirely sure how I feel about this one yet. I like the idea, but I’m wary of my execution. Oh well!

~~~~~

               Fingers work their magic, gliding through ebony hair. The pampered would absolutely melt into oblivion if he could; instead, he just soaks in the sunlight streaming in through the window and indulges in the feeling of someone playing with his hair. So relaxed is the young man that he begins to drift away—that is, until the magic stops and a digit taps against his nose.

               “Eraqus, aren’t you supposed to be reading?” Book aside, silver eyes—sparkling from that afternoon light—peer down at the lap in which the slacker rests his head.

               The response is an unashamed grin. “Maybe.” A brow arches at him. “Come on Xehanort. I’m not bothering your studies.”

               “So,” the studious replies sharply. “If you don’t study, when the test comes around, you’ll try to get me to cheat for you again and we’ll both get caught and get detention…again.”

               Chuckling, Eraqus reaches up to swat silver bangs from the other boy’s face. “Maybe next time you should double check before throwing the most obvious cheat sheet right in front of the Master’s face.”

               “Or—” The book snaps shut. “—you could study and do your test without getting me in trouble…again.”

               “I thought you liked risk.”

               “Sure, but I’m not a fool—you should know; you’re king of that field.” Fingers pinch at a cheek.

               The boy in white pushes the fingers from his face, still smiling like the royal fool he is. Then something that’s been dancing through his thoughts for a long time slips past his lips. “Hey, get a piercing with me.”

               Understandable is the look of shock on his partner’s face. “What the hell are you talking about?”

               Granted, it is a very odd request, but there is certainly a motivation behind his suggestion; he can display his affection all he wants in smooches, snuggles, and sneaky spots, but those are things that can fade in the fleeting moments following said acts. That’s not to say Eraqus will ever forget his beloved’s greedy kisses or the embraces that make him feel like he’s more than just another face in a bloodline of world defenders, but those affections, filled with so much adoration, always leave him anxious that his happiness will one day vanish—all he wants is some physical proof that these moments happened. Having thought long and hard about the decision, this is the solution that emerged.

               “Let’s go get our ears pierced,” he repeats, sitting up. “Come on. It’ll be fun!”

               “I’m sure it’ll be painful…”

               “Only for a while—Urd says it’s not that bad. Even Bragi got one.”

               “Okay, first off, Bragi would jump into a hole for a bag of candy. Second, Urd is probably the one who threw the bag down there.”

               An attempt to defend his friends is made, “That only happened once!”

               “But it happened.”

               “Just—come on! Please!”

               There’s an initial resistance, but Xehanort cannot withstand his boyfriend’s puppy-eyes for long—Era knows; Era checked. The “simple request” has to be considered a bit longer than an average request but he does inevitably give. “Fine.”

               “Yes! Let’s go!” Grabbing his hand, the excited boy drags the other out of the library.

               “Now?!”

               Yes, he wants to go now.

               By the time they arrive at the tattoo parlor that’s been scouted out for a few weeks, Eraqus is sure his companion is only seconds away from reconsidering his life choices. Various art pieces adorn the ruby walls and black furniture is set to accommodate guests. There are tables and chairs behind the show-case counter with a variety of bottles and tools looking ready to torment someone at disposal.

               “What can I do for you boys?” the man behind the glass counter.

               “Hi.” A wave is added to the greeting. “We’re here to get our ears pierced.”

               He’s far more relaxed than expected. “Cool. What do you have in mind?”

               And thus they have approached the first obstacle. “Er, actually we haven’t decided yet.”

               So the man goes over the variation of ear piercings, shows some example pictures, and explains how to care for new piercings. When there’s still no decision on the type of piercing, there’s a gesture to case, offering a look at the myriad of jewelry they have.

               The second his eyes lay on the black bands, Eraqus knows which ones he wants to share with his boyfriend—it seemed like fate to him. His finger points into the glass. “These ones.”

               They clink as they fall onto the counter for the two to inspect, but the instigator is already sold. “You sure you want these ones? Cuffs usually go in the cartilage which is a bit more painful than your usual earlobe piercings.”

               Xehanort eyes the shorter boy who grins and declares, “Yep. I want these ones—one for each of us.”

               “Alright. Who’s going in the chair first?”

               Now in the face of imminent pain, Era starts to get cold feet. While he is a key bearer and is no stranger to pain, he’s not exactly a fan of it and prefers to shy away. He’s fully aware his reaction is a little silly, but good ol’ Xe heaves a sigh and announces, “I’ll go first.”

               Stone eyes watch on as the first boy speaks with the piercer about placement of the ear décor as casually as talking about the weather on Scala. True to his persona, he shows no apprehensions.

               “You wanna hold his hand?” the artist offers the onlooker.

               This immediately brings up an objection from the first victim. “Pfft. I don’t need anyone to hold my hand. Let’s just do it.”

               A sheepish grin via Era is given; the artist shrugs and turns back on the boy in the chair. The faintest hint of concern finally flashes in those silver eyes, detectable only by the boy who knows him best. Nevertheless, with a simple blink and only the slightest of twinges, the job gets done. Once he’s free, Xehanort looks to Eraqus—ear just starting to react to the piercing.

               “How does it look?”

               The gleaming metal brings about a strange happiness within the shorter male. In Eraqus’s mind, it’s a mark—a claim—and it makes him absolutely overjoyed. “It looks great…I guess that means it’s my turn?”

               The boys swap out and the boy with black hair feels the nerves coil in his gut again. A marker taps against his ear and the placement is confirmed. As the needle is being prepped, his heart beats louder in his chest. His gaze turns on the other boy.

               “Guess I’m not quite as brave,” he admits, hand upturned in requisition.

               There’s a mock of annoyance but fingers interlock and hold firmly. “It’s not that bad, you wuss.” Nervously, the second victim just smiles.

               There’s a warning and the muscles in his body tense, his fist curling tighter around his partner’s. A sharp bite takes hold in his ear but he knows better than to flinch away. Instead, focus goes to the reciprocated squeeze in his hand. It feels like forever but eventually the pain dies down, blood rushing around the spot which is unlikely to die down soon.

               Elated and relieved, he hops up. “Phew! I’m glad that’s over!”

               “Glad? You’re the one who planned this whole thing,” his boyfriend scolds.

               “That doesn’t mean I go around poking needles through my ears in my spare time.”

               The good-natured artist chuckles. “Alright.” A mirror is propped up for their viewing. “Wha’chu boys think?”

               Once again, Eraqus is very pleased at seeing his shiny, new adornment, but that euphoria is nowhere near the hit he gets from each glance at the matching piece worn by Xehanort. Bleeding through his brain is the thought of how beautiful the mark he’s chosen looks on his dearest.

               “It’s perfect. Thanks.”

               Xe bounces his shoulders. Several more words of gratitude are given before the couple pays and heads home. The boy in white is more chipper than usual on their trek and his companion’s admiration of the light-heartedness is not missed.

               Back at the castle, the pair ambles along the student dorms.

               “So we’re supposed to spray this on our ears twice a day?” questions the boy in black, holding up a mini spray bottle.

               “That’s what he said.”

               A hand riffles through silver hair, only to quickly retract with a grimace; his ear is now notably upset at having been impaled.  “Why did you have to pick a helix piercing?”

               Despite his beloved’s griping, Era eyes the band with a little smile. “I thought it looked cooler. What? You don’t like the cuffs I picked?”

               “Why cuffs?”

               This is where the shorter boy feels a bit sheepish in admitting his cheesy reasoning—but if anyone would understand, it would be Xehanort. “Because they have stars in them.”

               What Eraqus is referring to is the star-shaped holes in the black metal. Years ago, shortly following the arrival of the non-native boy, he told his classmates about a fruit from his home world that is rumored to bind two people’s destinies should they share one—it grows in the shape of a star. Now Eraqus had no way of finding Xehanort’s home world, let alone this magical fruit; so in hopes the symbolism will be enough—even if it’s just to remind these boys to take control of their own destinies—he chose the jewelry based on a fantasy.

               “You’re such a sap.” This is no doubt Xehenort’s attempt to lighten the heavy implications. It’s worth noting the tint of pink bleeding across his nose.

               With a childish huff, Era folds his arms and storms ahead into his room. “Fine. Don’t wear it. See what I care. You just had a needle in your ear for nothing.”

               Just as he’s shirking off his haori, a pair of arms slips around his waist. “I said you were a sap; I didn’t say I wasn’t gonna wear it,” the taller hums, chin falling on a shoulder. “It’s cute that you believe in such fairy tales.”

               Stony eyes roll. “You’re rude.”

               He can’t resist the nuzzle against his neck. “You’re adorable.”

               There’s little resistance to being pulled around, but Eraqus is in for a surprise when the hands against his shoulders push him down onto the bed. He has just enough time to sit up before the other straddles his lap. It feels like a balloon swelling in his chest as his face is captured and drawn close. However, the normally hunter-like gaze is surprisingly soft and warm.

               “Silly, symbolic jewelry or not, no matter where our paths may take us, I’ll always find you in the end.” Even his voice holds that sincere emotion.

               Xehanort is not one to blatantly lay himself out for anyone—even his partner sometimes struggles to reach through the indifference. But the moments where he does let his guard down tend to be most cherished by the shorter boy as he knows they are the most important. No matter what happens, he knows Xe will hold true to his words and maybe that’s all Era needed to keep his peace of mind. It’s still going to fill him with happiness to see his little tag on his boyfriend’s ear though.

               The sweet instant is short lived, transitioning easily back to the wolfish nature more suitable for the boy in black. With a dangerous gleam, he leans closer. All tension melts in submissive boy’s anticipation.

               “On the other hand, if you wanted some sort of proof of your claim, there are certainly other ways you could’ve left a mark,” the instigator whispers against pink lips, putting every strand of black hair on end.

               “Wanna demonstrate?” His mind is already lost to the desire for affection.

               With slow, deliberate draw of his tongue along the bottom lip, Xehanort lowly replies, “Oh you know I’m going to.”

               He pushes his partner down onto the bed and indulges Eraqus in his greed.

[faerune]

personality 1 - 6 , combat 5-8, favorites 7 - 10, relationships 3-7, background 11 - 14 for vera OR vanity 😊

— Vanity alignment lawful neutral and eventually chaotic neutral

MBTI intj —  the architect; rational, curious, determined, versatile, arrogant, dismissive of emotions, romantically clueless and combative!

tarot card the heirophant; conformity, traditions, institutions, personal beliefs, freedom, challenging the status quo

zodiac virgo!

enneagram the achiever; success oriented, pragmatic-type, adaptive, driven and image conscious!

element even though virgo is an earth sign i’d definitely go with vanity being more related to air!

favorite song toxic by ashnikko is her go to fuck you jam and that’s valid.

favorite type of weather crisp chilly day after a heavy snow during the night! her family used to go up to a winter ski resort for vacations and she loves cold weather.

favorite radio station night FM when she’s trying to focus on something and radio pebkac in the meantime!

favorite pastime reading, fiddling with tech or upgrading things around her apartment, playing the piano, annoying judy when she’s trying to work, shopping!

who is the most important person from their childhood? her dad :(. she really admired him. she was the youngest and was a Daddy’s Girl to her core. always sat with him in his office when he was doing work, pretended like she was a big business man too.

what is the biggest lesson they learned growing up? oof. that in the end no amount of status or loyalty will keep you or your family safe. not even money can do that - but it helps.

what is their happiest memory? christmas when she was eight after her father god a big promotion at militech! they were spoiled with presents and it was one of the few holidays her family was actually all home for a holiday. it’s sad that most of her good memories with her family revolve around money/work/etc but it really does put her emphasis on success and wealth into perspective.

what is their most painful memory? the few days after her father died, hearing her mother so distraught and sobbing was really hard for her especially since she was only thirteen and didn’t know how to deal with her own feelings.

— Vera biggest weakness in combat she doesn’t have much stamina lmao. that and she doesn’t really have Muscle? like she boxes but she relies more on speed than pure strength. her against smasher is like the biggest challenge she’s had because he’s SO strong and can hold out for a long time so she can’t even tire him out before she does.

avoid combat or shot first? avoid combat! vera knows that straight combat for her without her getting the drop on enemies first is a toss up so she prefers to avoid it altogether if she can’t be sneaky.

threaten or charm? charm! she learned pretty early that batting her pretty eyes and flirting can get her a lot lmao. the free drinks are the best though.

lethal or non-lethal? when it comes to like civilians/workers that are just doing their jobs she goes non-lethal but corpo guards, gang members, etc people who like...would not hesitate to kill her she usually goes lethal with them just because it’d be scary if she’s sneaking and they came to and found her. so like 70% lethal, 30% non-lethal.

who is their closest friend? panam absolutely! it was jackie before that but obviously that...is not happening. she really admires panam’s ability to come up with these really smart plans when honestly vera just wings it and it usually turns out okay. they also have similar dispositions - if vera being a little more image conscious / ambitious / materialistic. they both value loyalty the most and that’s what really attracts them to each other.

who are their other friends if they have them? vera is a dumbass and had drilled into her head as a child that there’s really only you vs the world at a certain point so she has people she enjoys hanging out with but she really forms some like actual good close friendship she manages to learn how to lean on during the game and those include judy, viktor, misty, river, etc. 

if asked she’d just kinda shrug and be like idk but they all are happy to count themselves among vera’s friends she’s just...vera.

what are their exes like? any significant ones? lkfgk. vera dates mostly...for fun and also loses interest very quickly - either because she’s protecting herself because she can actually see it going somewhere or just because she’s fickle. most of her exes are also not...great picks for a relationship. people who also have commitment issues, dangerous people, assholes, etc. 

she’s had a few longer relationships but those have also ended badly due to cheating. poor girl just has bad luck and it kinda serves as an excuse for her to lock down more since every time she’s opened up slightly to the potential of a long term thing the people she pick show their true colors.

are they in a relationship? with who and how is it going? in a relationship with her ex-brain parasite 🙄. it’s actually going...shockingly well considering who they both are? honestly, the reason it’s working is because they’ve both grown so much throughout the game separately. 

a little bit is also the fact that they both were basically forced to bare their souls to each other which is a mountainous obstacle in both of their past relationships. 

they argue a lot but they really are just trying to figure out how to be...in a partnership like this where the other person knows you so well. they have a kind of intimacy i don’t think either has ever experienced and so their first response is to either fuck or argue with each other. they’re working on it and willing to put in the effort which is the biggest part. their bond is just intense - fights, loyalty, fucking, the lot of it is like dialed up to 11.

who are their enemies? corpos and c*ps are the main ones! vera tries to stay on at least semi-good terms with all of the night city gangs just because she grew up on the streets and knows it’s much better to have them for you them against you. raffen shivs also pop up as an enemy post-game since the nomads have to deal with them all the time. 

[tangent101]

Pricefield Dabbles

I found this list of “send me a ship idea” from @writsgrimmyblog and realized I could answer most of these for Pricefield! So... here we go! =^-^=

1. Who makes the first move and how? 

Max Caulfield after being dared by Chloe to kiss her now.

2. Who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better? 

It would be easy to claim Max, but to be honest both are equally insecure. Chloe is just better at hiding it except when things really start to pile up. What used to make Max feel more secure was taking photographs, at least before someone went and fucked that all up for Max. Now? Chloe helps Max feel better. As for Chloe... sappy as it sounds, Max helps her feel better. When you play LiS you see her slowly calm down and heal over the five days you see them together. Max is very much the catalyst for Chloe’s growth and healing.

3. Who is the most romantic? 

That depends on how you define “romantic.” But the person most likely to indulge on a whim to show the other how she feels is Chloe. Max is more likely to show her affection through physical actions - little kisses, spontaneous hugs, and the like... but Chloe loves the more sweeping gestures. Dragging Max out to a club to go dancing, making her dinner, or even bringing her to an art museum because Max commented on some artist who’s being exhibited there.

4. Who can’t keep their hands to themselves? 

It’s about equal. Chloe has no sense of personal space and is very bouncy. If she gets excited and enthusiastic she’s all over Max. But it’s Max who is more spontaneous and physically romantic with hugs and eventually kisses. Seriously, in LiS it’s Max who initiates the kisses we see, and I suspect that never truly changes for these two.

5. Who says ‘I love you’ first? 

Chloe. But it’s casual. The first person to say it in a tone that gets the other to blush and bite her lip is Max.

6. Who would they ask if they ever had a threesome? 

Steph. Max never met her as far as we know, but she was likely in college when the events of LiS happened. (Damn it, now I have another idea for a fanfic! Not a threesome, but for where Max and Chloe end up soon after the end of LiS....) Steph is very much a geek and Chloe likes and even trusts her. I could easily see Max becoming good friends with her as well.

While there are a lot of folk who’s want to see Rachel with them... well, even if Rachel were available, Max would feel entirely too self-conscious and feel that Chloe would be better off with Rachel. It wouldn’t work out without something to initially draw Max and Rachel together and then the two of them reaching out to Chloe. So with an existing Pricefield dynamic? Amberpricefield isn’t happening.

7. What do they get up to on a night out? 

They probably relax and enjoy each other’s company, helping each other in the kitchen cooking after a hard day working crappy jobs while trying to get Max’s pictures out there.

8. What do they like in bed? 

Cuddling. Sex is great and all that but just being together, touching each other gently, looking in each other’s eyes... realizing they’re together on a grand adventure called life and yeah it sucks at times and they miss those they left behind but... they’re together. That’s what’s important.

9. What's the most embarrassing thing they've done in front of each other?

Deliberately or accidentally?

Max would say the time she tried to do a striptease in front of Chloe and ended up falling on her ass because she had trouble getting out of the tummy-control nylons she picked up rather than stockings which you can take off one leg at a time. 

Chloe would claim she has no sense of shame but she probably feels rather wretched about some of the times Max ended up holding Chloe’s hair out of her face when she got shitfaced drunk and was worshiping the porcelain throne (and that’s one reason why she used to cut her hair short, damn it!)

As for accidentally? Walking in on each other when someone was... scratching an itch in the shower, shall we say? Though there was also a certain thrill to that so it might have become a game at times....

10. What two songs, two books and two luxury items do they take to a desert island? 

For Songs? Syd Matters "Obstacles" (Max absolutely loves this song), and oddly enough “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” by Meatloaf (for Chloe at least, Max hates the ending of that song).

For Books? Chloe loves the Lord of the Rings. Max is amusingly enough into Jane Austin’s Pride and Prejudice.

And luxury items? A solar-powered laptop with a huge screen and hundreds of movies downloaded into it, and a solar-powered fridge stuffed full of food and booze (Chloe said the second part. Actually she mentioned the laptop as well and even added “solar-powered” seeing she’s a bit of a geek under her at-times punk exterior).  

11. What do they hide from one another? 

Chloe hides the fact that at times she wishes Max could have saved Rachel, somehow. But she’s never going to ask as she doesn’t want Max to get hurt. As for Max? She hides that she still hears that bastard’s comment of “always take the shot” when she takes a picture and that at times it fucks up an otherwise perfectly fine photograph even though that bastard is rotting in jail.

12. What first changes when it starts getting serious? 

Max loses her nervousness. Seriously, when things get tough she suddenly hardens and becomes “SuperMax” and pushes up her sleeves. Chloe is very impressed with her and loves her to pieces, but also doesn’t want to see Max go through something like that again as afterward Max does fall to pieces and Chloe doesn’t like seeing her hurt. As for Chloe? She actually takes a backseat and does whatever Max tells her to. She trusts Max. 

13. When do they realize they should get together? 

They realized it when swimming in Blackwell’s swimming pool after the school was shut down for the night. But neither thought the other felt the same way. When Chloe watched Max strip down to jump into the pool she had to look away as she realized she was enjoying watching Max undress and Max... Max was talking in the pool and just... realized. She wants Chloe to remain by her side. Always. The kiss the next day in Chloe’s bedroom just was icing on the cake, even if it took them a couple more days to become “official” in each other’s eyes.

14. When one has a cold, what does the other do? 

Chloe makes a homemade soup for Max. She’s actually gotten fairly decent with her soups and experiments with various recipes. She then babies Max even as Max is all surly and insisting she doesn’t need to do this.

When Chloe inevitably gets ill afterward, Max repays the favor with the rest of the soup (Chloe’s realized that she usually gets sick afterward and has taken to making enough for a week at that point) while hiding her own symptoms as she’s still suffering a bit from her cold. But she’s not going to let Chloe know that because otherwise Chloe will push herself too hard!

15. When they watch a film what do they choose and why?  Who gets the final vote?

Bladerunner (the director’s cut). It’s their favorite. And it’s always unanimous. Though sometimes they indulge themselves with lighter fare like Princess Bride or Labyrinth. Or even Lord of the Rings because Chloe is a secret Tolkien fangirl

16. When the zombie apocalypse comes, how do they cope together? 

Max warns Chloe a couple days ahead of time and they get as much canned goods and the like as they can and then “go camping” - they end up far outside of the cities and someplace defensible until the military or cold weather ends up taking care of the zombies. 

17. When they find a time machine, where do they go? 

Yeah... no. No playing with time. Not anymore. Well, unless they met the Doctor at which point they go wherever the Doctor suggests because it’s the freaking Doctor, of course they’re going to go with her!

18. When they fight, how do they make up? 

Max shrinks in on herself and looks all hurt and Chloe just... she gets flustered and starts apologizing and then they start apologizing to each other and finally start laughing as the silliness of apologizing for “making” the other apologize just gets to them.

19. Where do they go on their first date? 

That depends on what you consider a “date” - I mean, that Blackwell swimming pool could have been a “date” after all. But their first real date after leaving Arcadia Bay? Chloe saw a little restaurant on the side of the road and then smiled, looked at Max, said “hey, how’d you like to go out for dinner? Just the two of us, and our stolen Blackwell money...” and Max blushed and said “we really shouldn’t spend it unless we have to” and Chloe just sweet-talked her into it and the food was only halfway decent but it was being together that just made it work for each other.

20. Where do they go on holiday? 

They’re kind of working retail and the like in hopes of getting Max’s photographs to various galleries. So there’s no actual holidays per say. But they have plans for Paris, one day. And they visited Chloe’s step-dad in Arizona and that went surprisingly well, David stopped being a step-douche and has kind of become a second dad for Chloe, and loves both Chloe and Max. Oh, it wasn’t all roses and the like, but it was David who reached out to them, and Max helped talk Chloe into visiting and giving David a chance. It worked out.

21. Where do they get nervous about going with one another? 

Chloe always gets nervous about going to a gallery with Max. She tried bleaching the blue out of her hair but... well, that just turned it into a mottled pale blue-green that she’s now just growing out and she’d have hacked it off by now but Max actually likes her hair longer so Chloe’s been putting it off. She still feels nervous going into art galleries and the like, she’s blacked out her sleeve tattoo with a black sharpy and is dressing less punk these days while trying to fit in with Max. But she still feels like an outsider at times.

As for Max? She’s nervous whenever they go into a club or go dancing. She thinks she can’t dance and that there are lots of girls better than her but... Chloe loves her. So she goes outside her comfort zone for Chloe. And enjoys herself. 

22. Where does their first kiss happen? 

Chloe and Max were in Chloe’s old bedroom and Chloe double-dog-dared Max to kiss her. Max did so. Chloe was very shocked and pulled away (useless lesbian that she is). Their next kiss (multiple kisses) was a couple days after they left Arcadia Bay.

23. Where is their favourite place to be together? 

To be honest? The place doesn’t matter. What matters is just... being together. 

24. Where do they first have sex? 

In Chloe’s truck a couple weeks after having left Arcadia Bay, and then finding a motel room because a truck isn’t exactly the most comfortable of places to have sex in, especially an older truck like Chloe’s was.

25. Why do they fight? 

Chloe thinks Max is pushing herself too hard and refuses to accept that she is talented. Max gets annoyed because Chloe just stacks dirty dishes in the sink rather than on the counter because if they’re all in the sink then you can’t wash them you have to take them out and Chloe just stacks more dishes on the counter next and... yeah.

26. Why do they need to have a serious chat? 

It was about Chloe’s step-dad. Chloe wanted nothing to do with him after they left Arcadia Bay. It didn’t matter that David helped in dealing with the Dark Room situation, Chloe had too many memories of David hitting her, and blaming herself for instigating David at times though that doesn’t forgive David’s actions damn it! But... Max insisted. She talked to Chloe about David, and about how Chloe’s mom allowed this to happen and blamed Chloe instead... and even about how she should forgive David and move on. 

In the end? Chloe feels a lot better about listening to Max. David will never replace William. But he’s kind of stopped being her step-dad and is more her real dad now. Enough at least that Chloe’s the one who calls David.

27. Why do their friends get annoyed with them? 

Chloe will blow off plans to get together because she doesn’t want to. Sometimes it’s because Chloe is exhausted after working retail and they are trying to make ends meet but... yeah. And Max? Oh Max, we love you dearly but will you start actually believing in yourself more? You’re a talented photographer and when Victoria or Steph tell you you’re good, just accept it rather than try to insist they’re wrong. *shakes head*

28. Why do they get jealous? 

Max remains jealous of Rachel to this day. And she does get a bit miffed when Chloe compares Max to Rachel because Rachel was so much more awesome than Max is and is Chloe wanting Rachel by her side instead of Max? 

As for Chloe? She’s scared that Max regrets her choices and will leave. She is so scared of being abandoned. Max left for five years... yeah, it wasn’t Max’s choice, her parents moved away when she was only 13, but part of her feels that Max could have made more of an effort to remain in touch even as she realizes she in turn could have. And she’s scared Max will find someone else.  

29. Why do they fall a little bit more in love? 

Chloe sees Max doing something, be it suddenly geeking out over a perfect photography opportunity or a bit of art or even just a computer game, and her heart just... contracts. At times she has to restrain herself from spontaneously hugging Max, especially if Max was geeking out while taking photographs as she doesn’t want to ruin a perfect shot. 

As for Max? Waking up and seeing Chloe sleeping next to her... she falls in love deeper and deeper every day.

30. Why does it work (or not work) between them?

Because they’re Max and Chloe. And they’ll always be together. Always.

[warau-okami]

Why so many Japanese children refuse to go to school

By Alessia Cerantola BBC World Service

In Japan, more and more children are refusing to go to school, a phenomenon called "futoko". As the numbers keep rising, people are asking if it's a reflection of the school system, rather than a problem with the pupils themselves.

Ten-year-old Yuta Ito waited until the annual Golden Week holiday last spring to tell his parents how he was feeling - on a family day out he confessed that he no longer wanted to go to school.

For months he had been attending his primary school with great reluctance, often refusing to go at all. He was being bullied and kept fighting with his classmates.

His parents then had three choices: get Yuta to attend school counselling in the hope things would improve, home-school him, or send him to a free school. They chose the last option.

Now Yuta spends his school days doing whatever he wants - and he's much happier.

Yuta is one of Japan's many futoko, defined by Japan's education ministry as children who don't go to school for more than 30 days, for reasons unrelated to health or finances.

The term has been variously translated as absenteeism, truancy, school phobia or school refusal.

Attitudes to futoko have changed over the decades. Until 1992 school refusal - then called tokokyoshi, meaning resistance - was considered a type of mental illness. But in 1997 the terminology changed to the more neutral futoko, meaning non-attendance.

On 17 October, the government announced that absenteeism among elementary and junior high school students had hit a record high, with 164,528 children absent for 30 days or more during 2018, up from 144,031 in 2017.

The free school movement started in Japan in the 1980s, in response to the growing number of futoko. They're alternative schools that operate on principles of freedom and individuality.

They're an accepted alternative to compulsory education, along with home-schooling, but won't give children a recognised qualification.

The number of students attending free or alternative schools instead of regular schools has shot up over the years, from 7,424 in 1992 to 20,346 in 2017.

Dropping out of school can have long-term consequences, and there is a high risk that young people can withdraw from society entirely and shut themselves away in their rooms - a phenomenon known as hikikomori.

More worrying still is the number of pupils who take their own lives. In 2018, the number of school suicides was the highest in 30 years, with 332 cases.

In 2016 the rising number of student suicides led the Japanese government to pass a suicide prevention act with special recommendations for schools.

So why are so many children avoiding school in Japan?

Family circumstances, personal issues with friends, and bullying are among the main causes, according to a survey by the ministry of education.

In general, the dropouts reported that they didn't get along with other students, or sometimes with the teachers.

That was also the case for Tomoe Morihashi.

"I didn't feel comfortable with many people," says the 12-year-old. "School life was painful."

Tomoe suffered from selective mutism, which affected her whenever she was out in public.

"I couldn't speak outside my home or away from my family," she says.

And she found it hard to obey the rigid set of rules that govern Japanese schools.

"Tights must not be coloured, hair must not be dyed, the colour of hair elastics is fixed, and they must not be worn on the wrist," she says.

Many schools in Japan control every aspect of their pupils' appearance, forcing pupils to dye their brown hair black, or not allowing pupils to wear tights or coats, even in cold weather. In some cases they even decide on the colour of pupils' underwear.

Strict school rules were introduced in the 1970s and 1980s in response to violence and bullying. They relaxed in the 1990s but have become more severe recently.

These regulations are known as "black school rules", reflecting a popular term used to describe companies that exploit their workers.

Now Tomoe, like Yuta, attends Tamagawa Free School in Tokyo where students don't need to wear a uniform and are free to choose their own activities, according to a plan agreed between the school, parents and pupils. They are encouraged to follow their individual skills and interests.

There are rooms with computers for Japanese and maths classes and a library with books and mangas (Japanese comic books).

The atmosphere is very informal, like a big family. Students meet in common spaces to chat and play together.

"The purpose of this school is to develop people's social skills," says Takashi Yoshikawa, the head of the school.

Whether it's through exercising, playing games or studying, the important thing is to learn not to panic when they're in a large group.

The school recently moved to a larger space, and about 10 children attend every day.

Mr Yoshikawa opened his first free school in 2010, in a three-storey apartment in Tokyo's residential neighbourhood of Fuchu.

"I expected students over 15 years old, but actually those who came were only seven or eight years old," he says. "Most were silent with selective mutism, and at school they didn't do anything."

Mr Yoshikawa believes that communication problems are at the root of most students' school refusal.

His own journey into education was unusual. He quit his job as a "salary man" in a Japanese company in his early 40s, when he decided he wasn't interested in climbing the career ladder. His father was a doctor, and like him, he wanted to serve his community, so he became a social worker and foster father.

The experience opened his eyes to the problems children face. He realised how many students suffered because they were poor, or victims of domestic abuse, and how much this affected their performance at school.

Part of the challenge pupils face is the big class sizes, says Prof Ryo Uchida, an education expert at Nagoya University.

"In classrooms with about 40 students who have to spend a year together, many things can happen," he says.

Prof Uchida says comradeship is the key ingredient to surviving life in Japan because the population density is so high - if you don't get along and co-ordinate with others, you won't survive. This not only applies to schools, but also to public transport and other public spaces, all of which are overcrowded.

But for many students this need to conform is a problem. They don't feel comfortable in overcrowded classrooms where they have to do everything together with their classmates in a small space.

"Feeling uncomfortable in such a situation is normal," says Prof Uchida.

What's more, in Japan, children stay in the same class from year to year, so if problems occur, going to school can become painful.

"In that sense, the support provided for example by free schools is very meaningful," Prof Uchida says. "In free schools, they care less about the group and they tend to value the thoughts and feelings of each single student."

But although free schools are providing an alternative, the problems within the education system itself remain an issue. For Prof Uchida, not developing students' diversity is a violation of their human rights - and many agree.

Criticism of "black school rules" and the Japanese school environment is increasing nationwide. In a recent column the Tokyo Shimbun newspaper described them as a violation of human rights and an obstacle to student diversity.

In August, the campaign group "Black kosoku o nakuso! Project" [Let's get rid of black school rules!] submitted an online petition to the education ministry signed by more than 60,000 people, asking for an investigation into unreasonable school rules. Osaka Prefecture ordered all of its high schools to review their rules, with about 40% of schools making changes.

Prof Uchida says the education ministry now appears to accept absenteeism not as an anomaly, but a trend. He sees this as a tacit admission that futoko children are not the problem but that they are reacting to an education system that is failing to provide a welcoming environment.

[themurphyzone]

PatB Oneshot: Thunderous

Summary: Brain understands the scientific reason behind thunderstorms. Unfortunately, reason doesn’t always work against fear, no matter how much he denies it.

FFN Link

The lightning flashes, touching the world with a brilliant white glow. The blinding light is swift and merciless.

Atmospheric discharge, Brain scolds himself for shielding his eyes. It’s only natural for mice to want darkness while they sleep.

Multiple lightning strikes.

Alone. Metal. Blinding.

No escape. No mercy. Nothing except all-consuming terror.

The large, furless hand presses him against a cold surface. A switch is flipped and the overhead light blinds him instantly. He’s helpless and vulnerable, but poked and prodded and jabbed anyway.

His stomach lurches, and he brings his knees up to quell the unpleasant feeling.

Curling into a ball is far safer. Less exposed. He can account for his limbs this way. He clutches his stiff, crooked tail between his trembling hands. They always went for the tail, those humans.

It was flesh and blood and bone like the rest of him, but they didn’t care.

A rumbling comes soon after. At first, it’s nothing more than a low growl. Then it increases, louder and louder until a furious snarl deafens him and rattles the shadow-covered walls.

His stomach lurches against his will.

Air compression, Brain searches his memory for the textbook passages on meteorology. Warm fronts, cold fronts, density.  

But it’s an exercise in futility. His memory fails.

He wrings his tail, aware that he could break it more but he can’t stop. He’s intelligent. He’s supposed to think. But he can’t. The terror cruelly blocks him from thinking.

An instinctive squeak rises from his throat. He pushes it down. He no longer speaks the language of primitive mice. He has the ability to reason, to think, to explain. There’s no room for baser instincts in this new, confusing world.

Pinky stirs from the other straw bed. Brain hears his narfs, imagines Pinky stretching his entire body like a spoiled cat before settling into a new position. Pinky’s long tail flicks against Brain’s shoulder. He considers swatting it, but there’s another forceful boom and the thought quickly dies away.

He’s locked into this vulnerable ball now. If he uncurls, he’ll be swept away.

He’s facing away from Pinky, but he’s not sure if that’s a consolation. The intelligent side tells him to hide all weaknesses. But his instincts tell him to pull warmth from any available source.

He’s old enough to regulate his body temperature by himself. He doesn’t need help.

Snowball doesn’t count. The hamster was as cold as his name implied.

There’s a soft pressure against his head, and his ear twitches as Pinky hums and curls his lanky body around Brain. It’s not unusual for him to come and invade Brain’s bed even though Pinky’s own designated sleeping area looks the same, albeit somewhat messier.

Brain untucks one foot and tries to push Pinky off his bed. Somehow, he finds the strength to allow one limb out in the open. But it’s like pushing against a fuzzy brick wall.

Pinky snorts, and Brain can practically feel the smile against his fur.

It’s like pushing a fuzzy, ticklish brick wall then.

A long growl sounds from above, and Brain quickly pulls his foot in. His shoulders tense and his heartbeat quickens, but Pinky tightens his embrace before the thunderclap reaches its climax.

Pinky’s breathing is even and calm, his chest gently rising and falling against Brain’s back. Brain tries to match it.

It’s difficult, but he manages.

Slowly, Brain lets go of his tail. It falls back into a more natural position. He takes Pinky’s hands instead.

He hasn’t known Pinky for long, but his unreasonable instincts tell him that if he lets go, nobody will anchor him against the storm.

o-o-o-o-o

He’s two years old now.

A thunderstorm is either an obstacle or an instrument in his plans. His intelligence is unmatched, and he quells his childhood fears through sheer willpower.

There’s an unusually severe thunderstorm tonight. Brain draws up a more complicated and elaborate plan for another tomorrow night, believing it’s unwise to leave the lab in this weather. For once, self-preservation outweighs his reckless impatience for world domination.

Lightning flashes. Thunder rumbles.

Pinky is close by. The idiot plays with toys designed for a human infant’s developmental level. He doesn’t realize the heart-shaped block can’t fit in the circle-shaped hole. But he tries anyway.

Brain folds the elaborate blueprint and sets it aside.

A thunderclap takes him by surprise. His stomach lurches in that familiar, unpleasant way again. The walls shake, and for a fleeting second Brain believes the lab will collapse from the weight of the downpour.

Pinky shifts his position and leans against Brain’s head, singing some inane tune about an old man who bumped his head on a waterspout and made friends with an itsy bitsy spider. He still hasn’t given up on the ill-fitting shapes.  

Brain rolls his eyes and pushes back, refusing to support any more than half of Pinky’s body weight. He reaches for his nearby notepad and pencil, ready to draft another plot of world domination.

Let the lightning and thunder come.

He’s anchored, after all.

A/N: Inspiration comes from a combo of a similar scene in Friends? by skimmingsurfaces (again, I cannot recommend their fics enough) and how we’ve had a few scattered thunderstorms in my area recently. Brain’s used storms in his plans before but I really really really love the idea that he has a fear of them if they’re big enough.  

[elmidol]

Tenacity and Rebirth

Three Blind Tooke Part Three Death Is An Art

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Three Blind Tooke 

 Part Three: Death is an Art

 Chapter Sixty-Two: Tenacity and Rebirth

 If not for you,

I could never survive

This one moment,

The most painful of my life.

 The chaos of battle was not a new experience for you, although the change in perspective remained a novelty. Too accustomed had you grown to observing the carnage through the lens of your scope. In that moment, you would not have traded your position for anything in the world--that would have stolen you away from the nearer proximity to Kylo. Your grip on the lightsaber that had belonged to his mother tightened. The ground under your cheek shook as the planet itself was assaulted by blasts from weapons of war. You stumbled, regained your footing, and surged towards the Force users. Finn and the Knights of Ren had also taken paths to bring themselves closer to Kylo Ren, Rey, and Not-Rey. Other Force users that had--stupidly, you thought--aligned themselves with the First Order worked to thwart these actions. If not for them, Finn might have been at Rey’s side when Not-Rey and Kylo both called upon the Force to knock her back several paces. Her body hit the ground, albeit not as hard as it might have had she not recovered enough to use the Force to lessen the impact.

 What you were working to do would be suicide. Someone yelled that to you--a Knight, an officer, a stormtrooper, a Resistance member, you did not know. It hardly mattered. You would not stop running towards Kylo Ren. A body slamming into yours rendered that statement a lie. You and the assailant landed on the ground. Rolling, you quickly activated Leia’s lightsaber and used the plasma blade to impale their throat. The blaster that would have been used to kill you, that had been on a trail to meet your gut, tumbled out of their grasp as their floundered, perished. You deactivated the blade in unison with pushing yourself back up onto your feet. Winded, you mentally swore at the delay that this had caused.

 Fissures were forming in the ground at each clash of Not-Rey and Kylo’s blades. The power swirling about them had kicked up a wind that lifted pebbles, stones that were the size of fists. You suddenly wished that you had grabbed your helmet for protection. There was no undoing the past, however, and so you simply changed course. Rey had heightened reflexes, which meant that if you were beside her, you stood a greater chance of succeeding. In the interim, you endured those pebbles cutting into you, beating you, bruising you and drawing blood.

 Rey, possibly sensing you, paused until you were only a few feet away--in hearing range, which allowed you to heed her words. “He’s so cold. I haven’t felt anything like this since… I was small and on Jakku.” She shuddered, the shiver not from the weather. Its emphasis on what she had said made you hold your breath for a beat. The pair of you activated your lightsabers, two Skywalker blades that were meant to protect the last of that bloodline. You followed along a few steps behind her, mimicking her actions to effectively dodge any projectiles as well as deflect First Order soldiers that successfully broke through all obstacles and arrived where the pair of you were.

 You readjusted your grip on the lightsaber that was in your possession. You knew that your fighting stance was incorrect; you had never before wielded such a weapon, and, yes, a part of you did fear it. You recalled how it felt to be injured by the plasma. Knew the impact it had. You were concerned that it would ricochet into you, that you would lose a limb. That you would fail Kylo. Yet the timorous voice in your head that preached these potential failures was one you disregarded as you pushed onward.

 Rey linked an arm into yours, yanking you out of the way of one blaster bolt, released you, and used the Force to stop a second that would have pierced the both of you--you in the arm and her in the clavicle. You bared your teeth, looking in the direction from whence it had come. This allowed you to also check on Cardo’s status. The medic remained kneeling over him, two other Knights of Ren nearby, keeping away foes. As Rey turned on her heel to refocus on the task of joining Kylo, you looked to Not-Rey. They looked so alike, Rey and Not-Rey; and as the Darkness in Kylo grew there were shadows forming on Rey’s face. As though this might drown her, the bond they shared in the Force threatening to crush both. Watching her in the corner of your eye, however, you could not help but note that there was also a Light that refused to go out. Instead it grew brighter in the face of Darkness. If one went to an extreme, the other shifted to encompass its opposite on the spectrum. The Force balanced itself by using these two.

 Not-Rey and Kylo were thrust back from one another after a coupling of their blades temporarily linked them and they both called on the Force for more strength. It was Not-Rey that drew nearer to the two of you as a result. Rey locked blades with her family member, and you ran past her towards the amber-eyed man that was not bothering to look at you. His hand surged forward when you were near to him, and you were tugged into his grasp. Still his eyes did not consider you. You clutched at his hand with both of yours, which took additional effort as you fought to keep hold of the lightsaber that was in your possession.

 “Kylo!” you growled out, weakly slamming the metal of the weapon’s hilt against his wrist. That did earn his attention. He lowered you so that your feet were once more on the ground, however he did not release you. He barely lessened his hold. “I’m on your side.”

 “Are you?” The challenge was punctuated by additional pressure from his thumb. Another bruise, you passively thought. His eyes roamed along your face, drinking in your expression for signs of deceit. Finding none, Kylo did at last remove his hand from your throat. You staggered forward, managing to catch yourself before you could collide into him. “I will kill her.”

 “That’s fine! I just don’t want you to kill Rey!” It was infuriating but understandable, his entire attitude. The coolness of his gaze sent an icy chill through you, and now you shuddered just as Rey had when she had sensed the changes he was undergoing. You felt some of it, and yet it was different--because you felt his emotions as well, felt his loss; and because you loved him. “I…” You scanned the various skirmishes taking place nearby, and in truth you were surprised that Kylo as giving you the time to do so. That he was not actively pursuing Rey and Not-Rey. Your very presence aided in leveling him out. It helped him to center himself. “If Finn is here, he can help me keep Rey away.” Finn would understand and would agree. This was not about hurting Rey. It was saving her and others. Not-Rey had made her decision and would not stop until she was killed. The same blood that ran through their veins was a curse, nothing more.

 Kylo nodded in assent, his eyes momentarily darting to Not-Rey. Then he half-turned so as to engage the nearest First Order soldiers that were preventing Finn from getting closer. It was as though they had understood that keeping him away from Rey aided the First Order. It kept Not-Rey alive, which sealed the deaths of Order of Ren and Resistance members alike. The red blade cut through two enemies before you could even injure a single target. Kylo was faster, adrenaline and hatred equally fueling him. Another enemy impaled simultaneous to a different individual being crushed with the Force. Finn, perhaps sensing the enclosing Darkness, pivoted. His wide eyes returned to normal immediately upon seeing you. The two of you nodded at one another in understanding.

 Together, the three of you cut through the First Order enemies that had kept you apart. You spoke to him, quickly explaining the plan; Finn nodded the entire time, verbally agreeing though he wore a pained expression near the end. Neither of you wanted to hurt Rey. It did not matter that there was no way around this. Nothing was going to lessen the blow.

 “As soon as we take care of her, I can use a comlink to get hold of Rose or Poe.” A truce, you understood. A way to relay to the remainder of the Resistance that the only enemy to pursue was the First Order. You glanced towards Kylo only to find that he was no longer paying attention. “I know it will happen.” Finn was not relying on Kylo, but on you. You pinched your lips into a thin line, feeling simultaneously confident and helpless. “Ren?”

 In slow motion, Kylo met Finn’s gaze, which briefly narrowed. Kylo nodded. You understood nothing, which frustrated you. There was no time to dwell on these thoughts, however, as both men began to head for Rey and Not-Rey. Licking your lips, wincing at the injuries you were beginning to feel, you moved to join them. Because he was not locked in battle with Not-Rey, Kylo Ren was not exuded as much Darkness, which meant there were less stones in the air. Less things cutting into you. Your fatigued body screamed for you to stop, but you would not listen. You could not rest. You would assist Finn in convincing Rey that she had to keep back away from her relative.

 How could you explain that blood did not determine family? This was what she had longed for, and you could well remember the ache you had felt when you had believed you had lost your entire family.

 Rey reached a hand towards the three of you, and it felt as though you had walked straight into a wall. Perhaps you would have been thrown backwards had Kylo and Finn not sensed what she was doing and each raised a hand to deflect her power. Maker, you despised how the Force could be used against you. Wiping sweat off your brow with an arm, you resumed walking to her and endured her glare while offering one of your own. Finn caught her blade on the end of his. Not that she had swung in earnest; she had known she would not harm him, but had given into frustration all the same.

 “No!” she screamed as Kylo Ren took her former position, engaging Not-Rey. You held a hand behind your back, felt the hilt of the lightsaber wobbling, and opened your fingers. Leia’s lightsaber returned to her son so that he could kill the woman that had assisted in her execution. “No!” This shout from Rey was weaker, and she dropped down to her knees.

 Your heart ached at the sight of her tears. Finn glanced at you, sending the message that he had to remain alert, ready to stop her should Rey leap up. Telling you that he had to remain on his feet so as to fight any foe that approached. You, on the other hand, could lower yourself to the ground and join Rey. You placed both of your hands atop hers. She curled her hands into fists, her glare harsher, crueler, a flicker of hatred piercing you.

 “Who that woman is doesn’t define you,” you said, not even sure where the words were coming from. Kylo? Finn? Rey? Yourself? “I’m so sorry, Rey. I…”

 “Just...don’t.” She shook her head, allowing the first of her tears to fall. “There is nothing you can say...nothing…” Her voice caught in her throat. You nodded, respecting her wishes. Looked over her shoulder towards Cardo. Could not tell if he was still alive. Did not know if Kylo Ren had lost a member of his blood family and found family on the same day.

 The cacophony of battle dwindled to a low buzz as your mind worked to shield you from anything that was not Rey or Cardo or Kylo. Yet even for those important individuals, you discovered that your attention wavered. Remaining in place yielded the result of an adrenaline decrease. Exhaustion began to work through your limbs. Injuries screamed, demanding your attention. Chest heaving, you greedily drank in air while searching Rey’s face with your eyes then your hands when you could not be certain there were no hallucinations. Rey did not bat away the limbs. The intended targets of touch were the shadows that played along her countenance. These traces of darkness assisted in amplifying the similarities between her and Not-Rey.

 Rey enveloped you in her arms and buried her face in the crook of your neck. Her hands were in constant motion. She was reaching with the Force and using that power to aid Finn in halting potential injury to any of the three of you. You placed both of your hands on her back. Returned the embrace and remembered how she had done the same for you when she had agreed to remain behind on the day of Snoke’s demise. She had stayed for you. The two of you had never met before that, not officially, and yet she had felt in the Force that connection. With Not-Rey, you could tell, it was solely because of the blood they shared and Rey’s desire to find her family that she struggled with. She knew that there was no connection beyond that, that Not-Rey would kill her with little to no thought if given the chance. She had been sold by her family, a kind of rejection that she had not been fully old enough to comprehend at the time. Now she had been rejected again.

 As much as you wanted to tell her that it would be okay, you were afraid that fate would prove you a liar. Leia had already fallen in this battle. Cardo could be on the way to losing his life as well. So many potential deaths.

 “I can feel something,” she murmured. Finn made a noise of agreement. 

 This interaction prompted you to look back at Kylo Ren, who had been joined by Vicrul. Not-Rey caught Leia’s blade on one side of her own weapon then Kylo’s on the other. At that angle of the blades, her only move to fully disengage without injury would have been to push backwards. That was where Vicrul’s presence assisted Kylo. The Knight had his weapon at the ready; the scythe, from what you had been told, he used to tear the souls out of enemies to augment his own power. If Not-Rey thrust herself away from Kylo, her flesh would be caught on its sharpened blade.

 There was a moment wherein Kylo Ren and Vicrul shared a look. Despite his mask, Vicrul was able to be read by Kylo. The exchange would have been easy to miss if you had not been paying such close attention. Not-Rey, too, was not oblivious to what had happened. Her face broke out in a snarl and she released a scream of rage. The Force swirled around them as it had before. Rey shuddered, trembling against you as the Dark power rose in both Not-Rey and Kylo. Perhaps in Vicrul as well, although you could not be certain.

 You were forced to shield your eyes with one hand, which obscured a part of your vision. The three warriors shifted, Not-Rey trapped despite the way she called on the Force for aid. Her next shriek was also one of rage yet it contained pain as well. The sound reverberated through you with how the wail seemed to be sucked into a void. Rey’s head snapped upwards. It caught you in the chin, and you rubbed at your jaw, sucked on your bloodied tongue, which you had bitten upon impact. Together with Rey, you rose shakily to your feet and stared.

 Vicrul’s scythe had been thrust through Not-Rey from back to front. Kylo Ren had released his hold on both lightsabers. It was Vicrul who held them. And it was Kylo who had a hand hovering over the tip of the scythe, which meant that he had used the Force to drag it through her. Kylo Ren himself had been the one to kill Not-Rey, and there was something in you that stirred. A sense of awe and of concern. The premonition that it would be revealed he had absorbed Not-Rey’s essence. Be it her soul or her power only, it did not matter. This potential precognitive realization meant little. It did not change the feelings you had for him nor the relief that Not-Rey was dead.

 Finn gave your shoulder a pat. Your knees began to buckle, nearly giving out completely on you. Rey and Finn each grabbed one of your arms to keep you from collapsing. “Give me a moment to find a comlink. I need to get in contact with Rose or Poe.” He took another moment before stepping away. Before that he, like you, had watched as Kylo yanked his hand backwards and drawn the scythe the remainder of the way through. Then Kylo had traded weapons with Vicrul again, both men setting off in different directions to cut through more First Order foes.

 “We’re sitting ducks here if we stay,” you said, trying to work through the various routes things could go. Hux would easily be able to eliminate the majority of the Order of Ren leadership along with the Resistance. You doubted, despite this, that he was sitting up there where he could be killed. That was not his style; there was taking risks, and then there was being foolish. After witnessing the display of Kylo Ren’s power with the deaths of the ysalamir, Supreme Leader Hux would aim to kill the man with technology yet he would not bank on a full victory on this day. You tilted back your head and scanned the skies.

 Order of Ren and Resistance starfighters slowly disengaged from battling one another in favor of allying themselves against what First Order ships remained. There were more casualties as the news was relayed, delays occurring alongside miscommunication. You felt your stomach swoop and plummet with each death that you witnessed. As those starfighters cut through the enemy, there were transports arriving on the planet for both the Order of Ren and the Resistance. The Night Buzzard had been brought in closer, landing where Cardo could be carted inside along with the medic and nearby Knights. Vicrul and Kylo remained on the ground, neither reacting as the Night Buzzard lifted for a second time. This time it headed towards the sky, towards escape. The Millennium Falcon blasted a First Order TIE that had started pursuit. You breathed a sigh of relief. Heard Rey whisper that Chewbacca, Poe, and Rose were all aboard that vessel.

 The temporary alliance was more clear to you as your mind processed what you had seen in regards to the Knights of Ren ship; a Resistance fighter had also gone up the ramp. They had been holding supplies for the field medic, had been working to help keep Cardo alive. Likewise, several Order of Ren officers and stormtroopers boarded a Resistance transport that was on the ground. The soldiers worked together to kill First Order troops and allies.

 Looking away, you began a search for Kylo and thus learned that his path was taking him to his mother’s body. You tiredly started forward in pursuit. Rey walked a mere two feet behind. Her lightsaber hummed, its blade screeching whenever it was assaulted with a barrage of blaster bolts that it then deflected. Finn was headed in the same direction. So, too, was the Millennium Falcon. Kylo Ren reached Leia first, and by the time you arrived to join him, he had already lowered himself long enough to scoop her up into his arms. He hugged her tightly against his chest, which heaved but a single time. Other than that he displayed no signs of despair--nothing typical, that is, since the color of his eyes betrayed how her death continued to shake him.

 “We’re leaving?” You were fairly certain that you already possessed the answer to the inquiry, however you refused to take for granted that he could give into his rage once more. Kylo’s gaze flicked to you, considered Rey and Finn, and then he twisted so as to locate the Millennium Falcon. The ship was beginning its descent though it was not powering down its engines in a way to suggest its pilot planned a prolonged touchdown. Kylo stepped in the direction of the ship. Its ramp was lowering, and Chewbacca was visible in the formed opening. His despair was vocalized in a bellow that nearly dropped you down onto your knees. Tears sprang to your eyes; they were the ones that you had somehow managed to choke back when all the others had fallen.

 The back of your arm served as a tool with which you wiped away the liquid from your face. Rey had her free hand on the small of your back, urging you forward. Even as he walked, Kylo turned and called to Vicrul a command that the body of Not-Rey be collected. You wondered if this was so that he could study her or if it was to reduce her to ash as part of his new collection. Whichever the case, his words impacted Rey. Her fingers twitched enough that you felt them jump along your spine.

 Chewbacca reached out for Leia, yet Kylo did not oblige this silent request. He clutched his mother, altering how he held her so that he could use one hand to grab onto Chewie, who tugged him aboard the Falcon. The familiarity between the two struck you. How had you taken for granted that this wookie was, in a way, also part of Kylo Ren’s childhood family?

 Finn was next to board the Falcon. He turned around and, along with Chewbacca, seized your tired arms and dragged up into the ship. Rey used the Force to jump higher than a non-Force sensitive could, which was not much different than what Finn had accomplished.

 In order to relocate Kylo for what felt like the millionth time in a handful of hours, you were forced to set off in a jog. Stumbling thrice, you growled out annoyance over his familiarity with the Falcon. He had a predetermined destination in mind and that was where he headed. His loud boot stomps were a gift, perhaps intentional on his part. He was not going to leave you behind no matter his pain. It was the others that he worked to abandon. Any other Resistance members jerked away from him, which you noticed the very first time you turned a corner and caught a glimpse of him. Two corners later, you paused at the doorway.

 You took a heavy breath while stepping inside. The door slammed closed with extra force, an indication that Kylo Ren would not allow anyone else near. Not for now, not for--how long? It hardly mattered. You walked to him; his back faced the door, and he was seated on the ground. Legs spread, his mother’s head in the crook of an arm, one hand on her face as he wiped clean the spit that had mostly dried.

 As you moved around him, you noticed two things: his eyes maintained a different hue than their norm though they were not quite so red-rimmed in their irises, and there were tears slipping along his cheeks. You did not comment on either. Did not say anything at all. Only lowered yourself onto your knees, and stared at mother and son.

 Footsteps on the other side of the door preceded another wookie wail of despair. Your lips parted at their sound. Still you said nothing. The world around you buzzed, tilted. The Millennium Falcon was in flight, but you could not say if that was the cause of this vertigo or not. Chewbacca slammed a fist against the door. Then two fists. The metal dented. Snarling, Kylo’s grip on his mother’s lifeless body tightened. He allowed the door to open, which had been the only way to silence those fists.

 Just as with you, after Chewbacca entered the room, the door slammed closed. You barely had a chance to catch a glimpse of Rose and Finn standing on the other side. You assumed that Poe and Rey were working together as pilot and co-pilot in order to ensure a successful escape. Chewbacca lowered onto his knees without attempting to touch Leia or Kylo. Your mind was spinning. Reality was shifting all around you, going in and out of focus.

 Apologies would not bring her back. Nothing would. You wrapped your arms around yourself, mindlessly humming a tune that your father and mother had taught you. It was one that played at funerals yet also a tune that you had loved beyond that. A strange post-mortem hope. Kylo lifted his eyes off of his mother’s body. His mouth opened, his moistened jaw wobbling though he refused to let free a sob or any other sound that would fully display his despair.

 He had danced with you. He had given you gifts. He had saved your mother. You could only sing, shyly, softly. A tightness lodged itself in your throat but you persevered. You sang for your mother-in-law, for one of the Rebellion’s heroes, for the woman that had formed the Resistance, for the era that had perished alongside her.

 Kylo removed his hand from his mother’s face to cup your cheek instead. He hooked his fingers, dragging at your flesh repeatedly until you obliged the silent request, shuffled forward without standing. Your knees collided against his legs and that was where you stopped moving. His thumb traced down to your lips. Lower to your throat, down until he was able to place his palm over your heart. It pounded in your chest, increasing its rhythm as your eyes beheld his other hand encircling his mother’s wrist. There would be no pulse for him to feel. His eyes were wide, so wide, a question dancing in them. A question that you did not need the bond to know.

 Would I be a monster, am a monster, that I want to trade the living and the dead, to swap their places?

 It was unclear if the living being he would exchange for his mother was Chewbacca or you. There was a chance that it was your mother. If he could go back in time to sacrifice her, if that meant Leia would remain alive.

 “Kylo…” You swallowed thickly, tilted back your head, and let yourself sob. You choked out his chosen name again. “It didn’t matter how much time I spent with her, she never agreed… She never will.” There was no way to lessen his pain, to wipe it away. Nothing would steal away his dreams that would forevermore remain unanswered. That did not equate to you giving up in trying to provide something. “My mom, even if she is alive, she tolerates who I am.” You bit down on your bottom lip, closed your eyes, and sighed heavily as the leather glove cradled your cheek for a second time. “It’s like she wants me to succeed without winning. To succeed at existing as the idea she always saw for me.”

 “It hasn’t disappeared.” You shook your head, whispering that it never would. The idea that had been planted in his head, that had been hammered repeatedly, was so fully integrated with his being, and it would not change. He would be haunted by it, though this haunting was one that he could well survive. You reopened your eyes in unison with his hand dragged away. Kylo Ren lifted his mother up into his arms again long enough to transfer her onto the bed upon which he laid her out. He shifted her hands so that they were crossed one atop the other. He began to fix her hair. His eyes in constant motion, scanning every detail as he looked down at her.

 Chewbacca also rose to his feet and you did likewise within seconds of that. “Do you want me to speak to the others?” You did not want to leave him, not really. Kylo knew that, he had to, and so he nodded in understanding. Though subtle, you had felt the jump into hyperspace, which indicated to you that communications between the Order of Ren and Resistance had been completed. The ships would regroup, regather, and only then would true conversation take place. In the interim, all that knew of Leia Organa’s death would be demanding to see her. They would be outraged that Kylo was with her, nevermind that he was her son. Nevermind that a truce was taking place.

 Leaving meant that you were able to gather what other information had been learned including who else might have perished. You wanted to know the status of the Knights of Ren, and you desired knowledge of your mother’s whereabouts. You exited the room. Finn and Rose stood on the other side, the pair engaged in small conversation. Rose broke away from Finn, thrusting herself forward and embracing you. You weakly returned the hug. The warmth with which you were greeted did at long last manage to floor you.

 The pair of you were a laughing mess as you both collapsed together on the floor. You were in hysterics. Crying. Laughing. Sobbing. Shoulders shaking. Unable to breathe, a lump in your throat, the invisible hand of despair choking life from your spirit. Your own pain and Kylo’s, which hit you in waves as he let himself mourn his mother now that the only witness was Chewbacca, who had been there since before he had been born. Chewbacca, who was a kind of uncle to him. Chewbacca, who had shot him when he had killed his father, Han Solo.

 Rose placed her hands on your shoulders and began to knead the flesh as she spoke. The sound of her voice washed over you though her words did not. She, too, had lost everyone. Her parents then her sister. All of them were dead. You could feel that in her words, understood a kinship that existed between her and Kylo just as it existed between her and you. Life and Death, the Force, connected all living beings. Pursing your lips forward, you worked to regulate your breathing.

 Two hours passed, two hours that were nearly a blur of activity. Rey barely spoke; she, too, was processing the loss as the finality of acceptance regarding the truth of her family hit. The somber mood permeated throughout the ship. Known deaths were discussed. Your mother was not among that number, and she would be joining the Order of Ren and Resistance due to an encrypted message that had been sent to the last of the Resistance. You were growing too numb to feel relief, though the absence of another reason to ache was in some way more noticeable. The Order of Ren had sent a list of injured parties and deaths as well. Many were strangers to you, thus what this would mean in terms of the war you would not know until Kylo Ren was ready to share.

 You were seated beside Poe. Rey and Chewbacca were piloting the Falcon, and Dameron refused to leave you alone. He had listened to you describe Leia’s death in full detail, or as much as you could offer. You had then also narrated the remainder of the battle to help him understand how Not-Rey had died along with how you and Finn had prevented Rey from stopping or delaying it from occurring. Only after you were finished had Poe slipped the datapad that contained the list of Order of Ren casualties towards you. You had read through them then shifted to the injured. Cardo remained critical, his last update given directly after he had been taken onto the Night Buzzard. Trudgen was injured as well, albeit not gravely from what you could tell. Kuruk was not listed at all.

 Since Ap’lek had been absent from the battle, you did not search for his name. Ushar and Vicrul, on the other hand, you scanned the list for. The last reserves of strength were siphoned from your body as you read both of their names. Vicrul was injured yet, like Trudgen, did not cause you more than a moment of concern. It was Ushar, who was listed as critical, that had you collapsing against the back of your seat.

 Poe led you towards a different area of the ship so that you could rest. You slept for an indeterminable amount of time, awakening to discover that you were not alone in the room. Poe and Ap’lek were seated nearby, the two men across from one another. There was a warm ball of fur cuddled against your stomach. You stroked it, and Millicent released a light noise of acknowledgment. You searched your surroundings without raising yourself in order to learn your present location. You deduced that you had not been removed from the Falcon. Ap’lek and Poe communicated with one another with a multitude of pauses; they were not comfortable in each other’s company and wanted only to gain as much information as they could. It was a shaky, new alliance and thus you were not disheartened to notice these things.

 When it was apparent that you had awoken the two alternated speaking in order to bring you up to speed. The Millennium Falcon was in the docking bay of the Order of Ren’s flagship. Leia Organa’s body had been removed from the Falcon and taken elsewhere to prepare it for a funeral that both the Resistance and Order of Ren would attend. After its completion, a real discussion of what this alliance might mean would occur. Arrangements for the upcoming battle with Supreme Leader Hux would also be discussed; that was what they were referring to it as--it was not an end to the war, per se, simply another battle. When the Emperor had been defeated, the war had not ended until Jakku. Even then there had been more skirmishes, and the First Order had arisen. When Snoke had been killed, Kylo Ren had taken the mantle of Supreme Leader; likewise with the fall of Kylo and the rise of Armitage.

 When does war end? Maybe it never ends. Maybe that’s why I clung so tightly onto a singular goal. Kill Kylo. Kill Snoke. Kill Hux. Take it a step at a time, but when does the fighting stop for me?

 With a sigh, you scooped Millicent up into your arms and rose from the bed. Ap’lek stepped in front of Poe to prevent Dameron from following you. You appreciated this, as you did not want to be tailed. There was, in fact, only one person that you wanted to be with. Your familiarity with him led you. Millicent’s warmth assisted in grounding you. You stroked the top of her head, holding onto her so that she could not get away if she tried. She was not squirming. The small cat instead retreated into your embrace, tucking her head against your arm to hide from the Resistance and Order of Ren members you caught glimpses of as you kept walking without taking time to identify any beings.

 Kylo Ren stood close to the observation window through which he was able to watch Leia being prepared. She had already been changed into new clothing after being washed. Her hair was arranged in an Alderaanian fashion. Her dress was red with white designs. Her lips were painted to represent Naboo, to tie her in with her birth mother. Noticing that, you recognized the care with which she was being readied. Her biological and adoptive parents were all represented. Her wedding ring tied her to her husband. A mother’s ring to her son. You raised your stare to consider Kylo’s reflection. His eyes had not returned to their normal darkness, but they were less yellow than before.

 As he turned his head, Kylo rested his attention on the feline that you held. “You find something new in which to place hope.” He turned back to his mother. “Every time.”

 “I am a stubborn tooke,” you said softly, your eyes focused on his, which pinched in the corners though he did not smile.

 “Yes, you are.”