#AND medical appointments fml

[ovaruling]

i wish there were 10 of me so i could get done all of the volunteering AND protesting that i want to get done this month 😔

[sokerikeiju]

Yesterdays doctors appointment could have gone well, but nope.

My drug test came back positive for oxazepam which I havent taken but my doctor wasnt having it. She accused me for using meds that I havent taken and was angry to me. I told her that there's no way that I couldve taken it (I had it 2 years ago for panic attacks) since I only take meds that belong to me. Jesus fucking christ.

Then she started to blame me that there's a positive for zopiclone and she went quiet when I told her that yeah, its part of my daily meds. She didnt even check my medication list.

I told her that I've had really bad anxiety lately and she prescribed me Zoloft. And lowered my diazepam dose.

I dont understand what the fuck happened there. Zoloft makes me feel sick and drowsy. Lets hope it gets easier.

She then told me to stop taking painkillers I have for my back because they can be addicting. What the fuck am I supposed to do then because I can barely walk because of the pain.

My treatment is getting moved to another city, lets hope my new doctor understands me.

[utter-queer-nightmare]

Ugghhh, I booked an appointment with my GP like a week ago and said the best way to contact me was to text ('cause I knew I wouldn't have access to my emails). Never heard back and didn't get in touch 'cause I've had other things on. Just managed to check my emails and turns out I had an appointment on Friday. I had an email about it and that was it, no text or anything. I didn't even get a call or text reminder when I never turned up. I wasn't even available on Friday :(((

[miss-windsong]

gosh i love the american healthcare system!!!11!111!!!!!!

[aw-bean-s]

.

[onelittlespiral]

FML: Confidence

I had decided it was finally time for a change. A few years after college and sitting all day at the office had taken its toll. Twink death was here, but I wanted to have a chance at a few more wild nights before I hit my thirties. So, on a buddy’s recommendation I called up Dr. Webb. He had been touted to me as one of the best in his industry, able to help with all kinds of health and wellness. In my consultation, we discussed my goals. I talked about my concerns around aging and some of the weight I had put on. He probed a bit about my health and family medical history. He was so calm and gentle. It was so easy to talk with him I may have even disclosed more than I wanted to about my college days and conquests. At the end, he leaned back and read over his notes:

“If I am being honest, I am not sure what you are too concerned with. You may not be your youngest, but I wouldn’t say you are deviating too much from a health body at your age.”

“But Doc, I don’t want to just slide into my thirties. I want to get out there like I did just a few years ago.”

“There is nothing wrong with aging my boy. It’s scary for us all but we aren’t stopping the clock any time soon.”

“I don’t want to stop the clock. I just want to feel confident in my body again.”

He stroked his beard and thought for a moment, “Now that is maybe something I can work with.” The rest of the visit was boring. But by the time I left his office, I had a pack vitamin supplements, a list of recommended exercises, and a follow up appointment in a few weeks.

Over the next couple days or so, I diligently took the supplements, followed the exercise routine, and logged my daily progress. It was strange, I didn’t really see a difference, but did start to feel a bit better. The biggest change I think I felt though was a kind of hormonal rebalance. I think doc mentioned it. My sleep was slowly becoming more regular, mood swings improved, and my flexibility was improving as I followed my exercise routine. However, I think it was also starting to create a fixation. I would just need to see my progress, check if I was improving. Whenever I got a small chance I would just stare at myself and focus on my curves. Were they any smaller?

I mentioned it to Dr. Webb at our next meeting. He laughed it off, said it was nothing unusual. But he did send me home with some meditation files to help me relax and center my mind. Help me let go of my worries and all that. And I will confirm they were effective. I popped on the first tape that night, listening to breathing exercises and ambient white noise. Woke up an hour later feeling refreshed. I don’t think I thought about my body much that night. In fact, I hardly thought about anything. My mind felt so clear.

It continued like that for a week I think. To be honest, the days started blurring together a bit. The routine was really sinking in, abs became an almost unconscious part of my day. At some point though, I don’t know when, I did start to notice a change as I would finish the tapes. I would always come to hard as wood. My appetite for sex was off the charts, quickly becoming a nuisance to take care of myself, several times a day. I even had to take a break at work one day. That is, until one day I saw myself in the mirror.

I was getting ready for the day, and suddenly something in me shifted. I stopped pulling down my tee and stared at myself in the mirror.

Damn, had I always been this hot?

Something about the way my jeans hugged into my sides and the thick matted carpet stretching across my stomach felt new and exciting. My mind said it should have felt off, but staring at my gut and feeling its weight ripple as I rubbed it up and down, I was entranced.

‘I felt big, strong, and masculine’, a voice echoed in mind, and I couldn’t agree more. Instantly my plans for the day were shot. I needed to get out there and find someone to share this body with. I couldn’t keep it all to myself. I popped my top off and went on the prowl for a piece of ass to demolish. A few quick photos and I had some nameless twink on his way over for an afternoon delight. Within moments of his arrival, I felt a shift in energy between us. I was used to a kind of back and forth, pull and push as people met and flirted. This was all pull. It started slowly, as he sat next to me on the couch. Then, he placed his hand on my thigh and gently rubbed. I was soon no longer talking to him, I was giving him commands:

“Scoot closer to me.” He scooted.

“Rub my belly a bit, don’t be shy.” He hesitated for just a moment before gliding his hand over my furry belly.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” He nodded limply. He was fixated on other things

‘A man gets what he wants,’ rang the voice in my head. And my patience was running thin.

The commands flowed from my mouth quickly:

“Take off my shirt”

“Take off your shirt”

“Lay on me a bit”

“Don’t mind the smell, I’m wrapping my arm around you.”

He quickly followed commands, even started taking huffs of my musky pits as he curled into my arms. I didn’t tell him to do that yet, but I felt so in control as this man was getting hard practically in my lap. It was time.

“Pull out my cock.”

“Put your head right there.”

“Open wide.”

“Suck, boy.”

It was just so easy to get him to comply. He was like putty in my hands. He just bent to my authority as I guided his willing throat, mouth, and tongue through the best blow job of my life. By the time I was ready to move on, a damp spot had formed through his shorts at the tip of his throbbing cock. It bobbed in the air a bit as I turned him around and pulled down his shorts. I took a moment to press myself against him, let him feel the power of my body.

“Bend over.” And he went down on all fours.

By the time my next appointment came up, I already had a small selection of boys willing to come over when I needed them. They were so small, I was almost worried I would break them in half. But it felt so freeing to discover this side of myself. Nothing could beat a twink sitting on my dick, begging for me to cum in him. I reported back to the Doc that I didn’t think I needed his services anymore. He said that he couldn’t agree more, and that even he was shocked at how much progress I made in such a short period of time.

“Now would you kindly put your shorts back on? They did not need to come off for this examination.”

“No,” I replied, “gotta take care of some business first. You want to show me that cute ass of yours.”

“I don’t think so, I…”

“Please doctor, with a body like this? I’m confident you’ll find your work satisfying.”

[oldfangirl81]

Home/medical update

The surgeon wasn't terrible. Typical surgeon behavior. I hate silver nitrate but it generally works. He applied some in the office. Also sent me home with some to apply when I change it. I'll see him in two weeks.

I hate silver nitrate because it is tied to major childhood trauma so this is fun. Plus, it isn't pain free. But it does usually do the job.

CW mentions of vomit

FML I start fixing one problem and another pops up. I'm probably going to need my esophagus dilated again soon. Took two bites of food before my body decided swallowing was not an option. Throwing up in a Wendy's parking lot while Rihanna plays 'shine bright like a diamond' on the radio is an experience. Going to start taking Nexium again.

Originally gi doc prescribed a month of protonix and second a month if I needed but I kept forgetting to renew it. Plus I had the side effects.

She did say she may have to dilate it in 3-6 months. And it's been about 2 1/2 months.

Frustrating because I'm hungry because I avoided eating before the appointment to keep my ostomy from being as active.

[inahc3]

I was hoping it would take me about a month to recover from moving, this time - as opposed to the three months it took last year. In a way, I was not entirely wrong - my body had recovered enough before the end of May that simply standing up didn't make my legs try to cramp. And yet, here I am in late June, finally admitting to myself that the odds of writing before July are slim, and yet not being entirely sure how I got here.

At first, it was the chores. Things postponed until after moving, like address changes that couldn't be scheduled in advance. Things related to the new place, like learning to use the appliances. Minor surprise issues, like having to buy shower curtain rods.

Then the urgent chores were handled, and I did my best to space out the others - I'd much prefer to hyperfocus on getting all the house things done, but that way lies burnout and frustration (ok I did actually have a burnout week too, that sucked), and besides, I'm sure new house things will pop up on a regular basis now that we don't have a landlord to call about them.

My RL social life took off too, and that was a fun kind of exhaustion. While that was going on, I decided I'd rather fill my head with appliance manuals during the week, figure out their quirks (like how the dishwasher delay function gets weird if you open the door), and *then* dump all that knowledge into my reminder app before filling my head with WIPs and plot instead.

I think I procrastinated a little after that was done - or maybe I had too many appointments. my memory is foggy and my notes are cryptic. I did at least have some stuff fizzing in the back of my head still, and one sleepless night I figured out a solution to my biggest plot hole.

The weekend after our housewarming party, I was determined to get back on that horse. I got all my notes out, flung some documents onto the shiny new TV, and filled my brain with plot again. Sorted out all the things that needed deciding about the plot of part 1, how the plot hole solution affected them, which scenes were most urgent to write in case they jumped the tracks and changed things - I was all set to spend Sunday Actually Fucking Writing, with my notes all around me to help get back into things.

Then Sunday came with an opportunity to do things I'm normally not well enough to do, and I decided that was worth postponing the writing just a little bit. Surely I could do it in the afternoon. Or on Monday, at worst. I even brought my laptop along in the hopes that I'd have writing time while I was out.

I ended up doing pain management instead of writing, and then being so exhausted I made the very stupid decision to read Just One Chapter of a fic someone had recommended. It was a good fic (dustverse), and I can never have just one, and then it was 6am and I was deep into both spoon debt *and* sleep deprivation. 🤦 So I resigned myself to a few days of recovery. I recovered, made plans to pick up the writing again on the weekend - and promptly got sick instead. 🤦 Ugh. I can't write while sick even when I have something to continue, let alone when I haven't touched my fic in so long anxiety thinks writing is an existential threat. 🤪

So here I am, beginning to recover - the good news is I think I'll be well enough to travel for an important medical appointment, the bad news is I need to save all my spoons for that and not take risks, plus my brain is full of Things To Pack (which I have not properly written down, FML) with no room for Things To Write. And I know I won't write shit while I'm away, and there'll be a pile of postponed chores waiting for me when I get back.

I'm gonna need a solid day of Only Writing to push through the anxiety, and it's gonna suck so much, and I don't actually think I'll have room in my schedule until July. 😭 And I can't even afford to have strong feelings about it right now - gotta stay relaxed and give my immune system all the spoons that aren't spent on packing.

NGL, it's times like these that make it tempting to throw in the towel and leave the writing to people who don't have to fight their own brain over every goddamn word. But this story really, really wants to be written. So I think I'll keep trying. At least until part 1 is complete and I get the ineffable idiots talking again.

I got a really nice comment on it a while back, too, so my beta readers and I aren't the only people looking forward to more chapters. :) :) although at this point, I think it makes more sense to sketch out the remaining scenes and have several mostly-written chapters to edit, to be sure all the plot threads come together well enough, instead of going mostly chapter by chapter like I have before. So even once I get writing again, posting could take a while. Slow and steady wins the race, I guess?

[queerlyloud]

Yall, medical trauma is wild as hell. My PCP asked me the basic MS diagnostic questions at our appointment on Thursday after I told her about the pain in my spine that woke me up out of a sleep induced by tizanidine AND meclizine. Like I should have been dead to the world for 8-10 hours, but the pain was so bad it woke me from that heavy a sleep and was so intense that I was in too much shock to move for more than 2 minutes after I woke up. Literally paralyzed by the pain.

Anyway, I told her about that and about how even though I told the neurologist I was referred to that, he only had an MRI done on my head, neck, and upper vertebrae , with absolutely none done of my middle or lower spine, despite those being my primary pain centers. So my PCP immediately booked me for x-rays of my spine so that a full spine MRI would be approved by my shitty work insurance.

I have every single symptom of PPMS, all I need is for an MRI to catch lesions on my spine so they can do the tap and identify the inflammation in my spine that shows up in every single blood work I've had done in the past 5 years.

I might finally get my diagnosis.

But instead of being excited and happy, my brain is instead choosing to have me pre-experience the depression I will feel if they don't spot any lesions on the MRI.

Fml 🙃

[nnschneider]

Memento Mori: Take Your Time While You Have It

A coworker lost his father last weekend. His father had been in declining health for a while, months?, a year?, since the death of his wife? I don't know how sick the doctors claimed his father was or how long he was expected to live, but he was clearly in poor health. My friend took off at least a day per month to take his father to the doctor or check him into an assisted care facility or pick him up from one hospital or another. He also flexed his time, pushing away from his desk during normal business hours to drive his father to various appointments and then logging on late into the evening to make up for lost time.

At one point, I talked to him about taking more real time off. He had enough PTO (paid time off) banked at our company to take off the entire month of December, or take every Friday (and then some) through the end of the year. He could have taken 12 weeks of FML (Family Medical Leave) to look after his father; he could have taken a portion of that or worked half days to give himself more time.

My friend didn't take his time while his father was alive and now he's taking a week off for bereavement.

[sempiternal-peculiarity]

I caught so many infections/diseases/whatever in the past 2-3 weeks that I can't even remember them all. My immune system gave up. But I've got 2-3 medical appointments per week and they're like "have you noticed any new symptom after the last meeting?" and I'm like 🤷‍♀️ Anyway today I almost threw up at my chiropractor's and I don't even wanna remember the AM appointment. #fml

[herlovelybones-blog1]

FML

Well today sucked. After two cancellations I had no choice but to finally show up for this doctors appointment. I was hoping after a month of restricting, better food choices, and more exercise, I’d loose some weight. I was feeling good about it.

The medical assistant checked me in and asked me if I had weighted myself recently. I told her “no.” I’ve been scared too. I don’t want to be disappointed. I know I’m fat. I KNOW I haven’t lost weight. I know my body and I know I haven’t lost an inch. But I’ve been trying. She asked me to step up on the scale and I really wanted to take off my boots and my cardigan but she seemed in a rush. I stared at the wall telling myself I wasn’t going to look down. At the last minute, I decided that maybe I was wrong and that I did lose weight. I did it. I looked down. What a bad Idea idea that was. I gained weight. It was probably the boots. Or maybe the cup of coffee I drank. But I sat back down and wanted to cry.

At this point, I'm fucking fed up. I loved seeing and feeling my bones. Feeling confident. Loving myself.

So here goes it. The eating di*order chronicles begin.

[mymentallyillbrain]

And I'm back on tumblr fml.

My doctor wrote in the visit notes for my appointment earlier that I "contract for safety today" even tho I definitely did not. I straight up said that I won't talk to my family bc then I have to deal with their emotions (and my parents are DRAMATIC). And told her that I'm not comfortable calling a hotline or 911, and that I won't ever make the hospital decision for myself. She asked what can we do if it gets to the point where you're going to do it. I said idk I usually just go to bed. She's like what if you can't fall asleep? I said I really don't know. And she said you have to think of something before you leave. But then 5 minutes later it was you need to keep thinking even after you leave, come up with a safety plan.

And she prescribed a new medication to transition to, even though we had just agreed that I don't need access to any more pills?

I'm just so confused like I gave her no reason to trust me to keep myself safe and she still just let me leave?

Also big wtf is wrong with me - I want to do it more because I think she made a mistake. It's not even like spite, I really like my doctor so idk why I want to do that to her. But at the same time I'm so glad she didn't send me to the hospital, I hate not knowing what's going to happen so the unknowns of the psych ward are super scary to me.

[ankles-be-bitten]

>me, 17, probably chronically I'll in numerous ways

>haven't seen a doctor in almost 10 years for various reasons

>finally convince mother who hates Healthcare and thinks all doctors are snakes trying to squeeze me for profit and make me sicker to schedule me an appointment with a primary care doctor to figure out what is wrong with me

>she makes the appointment

>it's at a "holistic" "alternative" medical practice

>fml. They're genuinely going to just tell me to take a vitamin and go for a walk.

I love my conservative parents.

[toadznfrogz]

finally starting to feel back in control of my life. excited to go to the doctors tomorrow and get back on my adhd medication, it has been rough without it. a little nervous to go to a new provider and having to get up early. i am historically not very good at getting up on time and i woke up super late yesterday so im not very worn out atm. making a commitment to myself to NOT miss this appointment especially since they charge a 100$ no show fee FML. time to embody some adulthood responsibility and take it on the chin. i’m low key excited to go and get it done since i’ve planned to watch the circle as my reward and i left off on a cliff hanger. aiming for 1% better everyday and learning to embody consistency and regain in trust in myself and my own abilities in order to silence the doubts in my head. goodnight tumblr 🤍

[fmldubai]

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