#AND also misgender me all the fucking time and make fun of my other friends lmaooo

[vamptastic]

there is this one person from hs i stopped hanging out with after they graduated bc being around them actively depleted my HP but i kindof want to reach out to them again just bc they were one of very few trans people i knew in hs and i think they probably are a little less irritating to be around now but idk

[beatrixstonehill2]

"Hey, it's your favorite trans girl influencer, Natalie, here with a quick vid clearing things up since the Q&A with my new bf, Diego. I know you guys were super worried after I livestreamed it and I wanted to reassure you guys of a few things. Yes, I know, Diego misgendered me a lot, he called me he/him when answering questions most of the time and called me 'Nate' instead of Natalie--it's just his petname for me because I was born a boy, don't worry. It's not even my deadname! He's just joking around and having fun.

I know, I've never dated a guy who insists on calling me male pronouns and referring to me by a boyish name but you saw how sweet he was and he's soooo into me! He just loves my breasts, as you could see by how often he touched them and grabbed them while I answered questions. No, I don't mind guys playing with my boobs if I'm dating them. Like I'm totally cool with it in public as long as it's my bf and his friends and not just random strangers. Like I always said I love being the cool girl in a group of guys who's not a prude and down to have fun. I don't care if guys call me a boy or whatever, I just love hanging out around men and feeling their eyes on me, and their hands--er, if we're dating, of course!

As for his answers about me detransing. OK, I'm not gonna lie I was a bit surprised. He never told me how open he was before to me detransing into a femboy and I also didn't know he was bi and into fat guys. That's kind of cute, ngl..... I have zero plans to detransition. You guys know how much I love making content for ya'll, and being an influencer is my whole career. These titties make me serious cash! And I read all your comments and honestly find it so hot when you tell me how much you jerk off to me and how you can't believe I'm trans. But we all saw my cock reveal vid, so ya'll know I'm a guy. Oh, ummm, sorry--that I'm a trans girl! Ahem.... so hopefully you guys won't DM me as much and tell me how worried you are that I'll go and detrans like so many other trans girl influencers like me who started transitioning super young and got big fat titties like these! I promise, guys, Diego was just being a goof, I won't detrans and I'll try to remind him to call me a girl from now on. OK?"

(Six months later)

"Now say you want it," Diego teased his fiance, Natalie.

"Please, baby. Give it to me. I've earned it. I need it!"

"I dunno, I think you still want to play pretend and be a fakegirl."

"No, I swear I want it! Please! I love how it makes me feel. My cock is up to eight inches already! And I can finally cum rope after rope after rope over and over like a regular boy!"

"You do seem fond of jerking off and cooming for hours on end now. You're finally starting to embrace being a boy. But what have you done to earn your testosterone today?"

"Ummm, I jerked off in a women's locker room and got kicked out! I went in, stripped naked, and found this thick pregnant girl who was running on a treadmill, who I watched and stalked all afternoon like a good boy. She had these beautiful breasts, must've been a GG-Cup at least."

"Ah, so like you, but actually a girl instead, not some estrogen-pumped femboy with a fetish for pretending to be a girl."

"Exactly! I went up to her and started gooning like crazy. I jerked off so hard my balls slapped against my fist. It felt amazing! I honestly wanted to fuck her...."

"See? I told you you'd get your perverted male instincts back. How'd she react?"

"Horrified. She looked at me like the biggest creep ever. I stuck out my tongue and drooled, moaning in my new cracked voice, sounding just like a guy...."

"Not that your voice ever passed very well, Nate."

"Mmmmm..... so I jerked off right onto her belly. Security kicked me out as the woman complained that a man wearing makeup pretending to be a girl was in the locker room. I came again, no hands, as the cops escorted me off the premises.... How'd I do?"

"Hmmmmm." Diego smirked in an evil way. "I dunno....."

"But! I acted just like a perverted gooner boy! What else could you want?"

"I want to see you detrans a bit faster....."

"Um.... I need testosterone for that! Please don't take it away..... I can't become a boy without it!"

"Firstly, you ARE a boy, and second.... how would you like to go to jail?"

Natalie blushed. "What.....?"

"Well, with all your public jerk off sessions and cumming on random girls that get your cock hard, I think I can probably get you fast tracked to jail as a sex offender. I have all the evidence right here."

"No..... I just wanna detrans with you! Not be some prison bitch with a shaved head! They'll make me get rid of my boobs! Don't you love them?"

"Nah, I'm tired of them. I think it's time you get those silly things chopped off. Plus, hearing all about your time getting gang fucked in prison and forcibly put on testosterone would be so fun to read about in the headlines and all over social media instead of our private little thing we have going. I can just see it! Famous 'trans girl' influencer caught fondling himself in women's locker rooms, ejaculating on innocent women, I can't wait to read all the comments," he said, almost quoting her.

Natalie's erect cock wagged up and down like an excited dog, making it impossible to hide her excitement. "Um..... OK, I, um..... I'll detrans in prison, and get publicly humiliated.... just to get you off....."

"And you, don't act like this isn't a dream come true for your perverted little boy brain."

Natalie nodded, blushing, her cock cumming on its on, shooting a dozen ropes of cum, hands free. "I guess it is...."

(Two years later)

"Hey guys, finally got a sponsorship! Since I keep eating so much lard on my food I guess this brand reached out. Apparently they're very popular with gaining influencers like me.... On the plus side I'm so fat my boobs are almost back now.... Today marks a year since I got out of jail and Diego's started showing me what a good fat pig I'm meant to be. I pictured myself becoming a stud in jail. I got fit, I worked out, I chatted with the other guys about how many girls we'd fuck after getting out..... Diego reminded me what a submissive little sissy I am....

I'm 350lbs. Diego has me on a 30lbs a month diet so I can get as fat as possible for all of you. When I started trying to become an influencer, doing bikini hauls and trying on cute clothes, showing off my gorgeous breasts and how tiny my cock was, making me look so girly, I never imagined I'd wind up aiming to get to 400lbs asap, posting eating vids all day long, as I make gooning content where I can hardly catch my breath as I watch porn and stuff my face for hours. I feel so disgusting but it's what Diego wants, and if these past few years have taught me anything it's that he knows what's best for me. If he wants me to hit 700lbs I absolutely will.

I can't believe I ever remotely looked like a girl. I watch my old vids and jerk off now. I watch my smelly, fat male body jiggle as I pump my cock, watching my girly self dance and jiggle her boobs, so thin and beautiful. But now I know I'm meant to be a pathetic gooner. I was only playing dress up as a fakegirl to infiltrate women's spaces and get off as I watched them undress or heard them use the bathroom in the stall next to me. I can barely keep my cock to myself in public, thankfully I have this huge gut now making it harder for me to reach down there and goon. I used to be so well behaved and integrated perfectly with other girls, but taking T has revealed what a perverted boy I really am, obsessed with jerking off and staring at women I'll never fuck as my fiance makes me so fat I can't even have sex to begin with.... it's what every fakegirl deserves, and I'm glad so many of you are DMing me with similar detrans stories and weight gain stories as men, after being inspired to transition after seeing my old content, only to realize I'm a fat male feedee and chronic gooner now..... AKA the actual role model so-called trans girls need to start looking up to!"

[regicide1997]

Doors at 7pm, Noise at 8pm, Bring $10:

An ode to Unpunctuality

Five weeks and one day ago, my boss reprimanded me for being unpunctual.

Five weeks ago today, unpunctuality saved my girlfriend's life, and by extension, my own.

"Doors at 7pm, Noise at 8pm, Bring $10"

Five weeks and five days ago, I stayed up all night comforting my girlfriend.

Five weeks and four days ago, I slept through all my alarms. I woke up half an hour after the mandatory department meeting had started, and I immediately ordered an Uber to get to work. By the time I got there, it was lunchtime, which was good, because I needed food to take my meds. And I had forgotten my keys at home.

"Doors at 7pm, Noise at 8pm, Bring $10"

I generally try to show up at least a little early to most things.

Five weeks and three days ago, I went to a house show with my girlfriend and my now-ex-gf. I don't want to go into the details. We all had fun, as well as traumatic flashbacks that we comforted each other for.

Showing up early to shows gives me time to prepare myself, mentally and physically, and it gives me a chance to socialize with the rest of the early crowd—to chat with friends, to meet the people in the touring bands, to be part of the reason these shows never start on time.

"Doors at 7pm, noise at 8pm, bring $10"

Five weeks ago today, at 8:04pm, I got a text from my girlfriend.

Five weeks and one day ago, my boss reprimanded me for being unpunctual. I'd explained that I'd followed the instructions I was given to the best of my ability at the time, and I have done my best to make up for every way I've fallen short. Still, "sleeping in is not acceptable".

The World In Broken Glass, Whirly Birds, Macizo, Razorway. Healer DIY, Indianapolis. Tuesday, August 20, 2024. Doors at 7pm, noise at 8pm, bring $10. A night of screamo, death metal, "shoegaze if it was good", and pure, unabashed transgender rage.

I definitely need this show after the shit I had to put up with at work yesterday. I need some way of releasing this anger. I need some fucking catharsis.

Doors at 7pm, noise at 8pm. Bring $10.

Enjoying the pre-show conversation. Talking about various levels of band equipment Tetris involved in going on tour with tiny vehicles. Talking about our past lives in high school marching band. "Wait, so, the band is called Math, but this person unrelatedly also happened to be in your geometry class?"

Doors at 7pm, noise at 8.

Five weeks ago today. Tuesday, August 20, 2024. 8:04pm. A text message from my girlfriend.

Twenty-one thousand milligrams of acetaminophen.

Doors at 7, noise at 8.

One hour, thirteen minutes, and thirty seconds of phone call—getting the cops to fuck off so she'll be safe enough to get in the ambulance on her own accord, riding in the passenger seat of the person I had just paid $10 in exchange for a paper bracelet, ambulance sirens blaring through the phone speaker, correcting the EMTs every time they misgendered her—protecting her, because she's already had so much trauma in hospitals; protecting her, because she needs to be safe in order to heal; protecting her, because she's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I cannot live in a world in which she is not; protecting her, because I love her, so fucking much.

Doors at 7pm, noise at 8pm, bring $10.

A text from my girlfriend at 8:04pm.

Had the noise actually started at 8pm, I wouldn't have heard the notification sound from my phone. I wouldn't have seen the text message. I wouldn't have been able to call her. To tell her I love her. That I can't live without her.

Five weeks and one day ago, my boss reprimanded me for being unpunctual.

Five weeks ago today, unpunctuality saved my girlfriend's life, and by extension, my own.

Doors at 7.

[ezgee-badally]

-PINNED POST- (This entire Post is OOC)

-PLEASE READ WHOLE POST BEFORE INTERACTING-

18+ NSFW

MINORS GTFO

Actual Real-Life Homophobes, Transphobes, Racists, Rapists and Misogynists Fuck off and die! This is fantasy only. I’ll find out who you are and block you.

Asks are welcome from anyone. If you’re a curious Dom looking for tips or a Sub who wants to have some kinky interactions but want to stay anon, anyone with pussy is welcome for kink interactions too regardless of gender. Read more about my boundaries and limits below before submitting any questions or you may be ignored.

28 Cis Male, Canadian, Dom

GENERAL TRIGGER WARNINGS: I regularly include in my stories kinky and MADE UP/NOT REAL/ FANTASY depictions of Sexual Assault, Misogyny, Homophobia, Verbal abuse and Physical abuse. I add specific trigger warnings to my individual stories. If you feel triggered by something you read and I forgot to put in a warning please DM me and let me know.

I call myself straight but My sexuality is that I like pussy and I’m not really picky about whether the person who has it is a man or a woman. I do like Tits but also don’t care if you’re flat. Really, I have no set “Type” I like both femme and masc presenting people. Tomboys are just as hot to me as girls in cute dresses or tight outfits as an example.

My Boundaries are firm with strangers, I understand if you make mistakes or misread the pinned post but you get 1 warning before I block. Friends and Mutuals I’m a bit more forgiving with. But will still block if they push too far.

This blog just gives me a place to get shit out of my system. I volunteer a lot of my free time to support 2SLQBTQIA+ spaces and programs, but there’s been some internalized misogyny that has come up that I’m trying to deal with in a healthy way so it doesn’t get in the way of my volunteer work. Part dealing with that includes this blog.

I don’t have a crazy sexual history it’s just very diverse and I’ve experienced a variety of things. I’ve played out some Dykebreaking scenes a few times with consenting adults IRL it’s intense and takes planning and it is very draining but intensely hot and rewarding. I’m into more than just into Orientation play but that’s mostly what this blog will be.

I like writing, and I sext a lot. So this kink blog thing was just a natural extension of that.

NOW FOR THE IMPORTANT SHIT!

✅Into Roleplay, CNC, Orientation Play (Dykebreaking, Misgendering, and occasional Acebreaking), Humiliation, Cuckolding other men and/or Cuckquean, Abduction, Anon kink, Public Sex, Drugged/Intoxicated, sometimes Hypno is fun, Breath Play, light Impact play (No tools), Light Bondage and occasionally Anal. Very hot when women/girls call me “Daddy” but I’m not seeking out a DD/LG dynamic or into age-play. I’m sure there’s more, will edit as things change.

⚠️Soft Limits (Things I’m not actively Into but will explore with a TRUSTED partner or TRUSTED mutual.) are… Somno, Foot Stuff, Heavy Impact Play (w/tools such as whips or paddles) Complex Rope Play (Needs practice), Object Insertion, Lactation, Kigurumi, Impregnation

🛑Hard Limits:

Forced Feeding, Scat, Piss Play, Snuff, permanent Injury/disfigurement, Infantilism, Haematomania, Knife Play (I’ll use a knife or scissors to cut off your clothes if you want just don’t ask me to cut you.)Furry Play, Necrophilia, Beastiality, and Age Play.

When I begin a post or DM with “OOC:”it means I’m talking “Out Of Character” as a human being outside of the fantasy.

When I begin a post with “IC” it means I’m talking “In Character” almost all my posts are In Character, you will only see me specify this if It is a post where I switch back and forth between OOC and IC and have to clarify.

Example:

OOC: Be safe, Practice Rack. Fuck homophobes.

IC: Dumb dyke whore. How does it feel cumming on your rapists cock?

I will only share Private messages/DM’s on my blog if it has been previously agreed between me and the person on the other end of the DM’s.

If you don’t tell me a specific safe-word when we start interacting we use the stoplight system by default. If you have a preferred safe word then tell me.

GREEN = Yes keep doing that

YELLOW = Take it easy or be careful.

RED = IM SAFEWORDING STOP RIGHT NOW

LAST OF ALL! BE SAFE!

Safety Tips:

- Subs, Learn boundaries from more experienced Sub’s so you can learn the difference between abuse and kink.

- New Subs should read “The New Bottoming Book”

- New Doms should read “The New Topping Book”

- Don’t doxx yourself for any reason.

- Stay anonymous online

- Be aware of the risks of sending pics and giving out your name.

- Practice RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink)

- If you are going to do something potentially dangerous then be aware of the potential dangers and put safeguards in place to minimize them.

[monorayjak]

I... it's getting hard to live like this. Hiding who I am to so many people. It hurts. I wrote a thing earlier today and I felt I summed up the feeling pretty well I think, reworded a bit to sound better:

"It feels like torturous self harm to be fully aware of who I am and yet imprison myself in a fortress of a false identity that's slowly caving in around me."

What I'm getting at here... I think... I think it might be time for me to come out to some people...and I really need some advice.

As of now, only four people IRL know about me, that's my therapist, my cousin (who was genuinely more like a sister to me), a friend at college (I knew they were extremely supportive and they had no connection to other people I know, so it seemed like a safe bet to tell her (I was right)), a friend I interacted with occasionally in high school who has since come out as trans herself (actually what got me to message her, saw her online and wanted to ask so I didn't misgender her or anything, and we got talking and I quickly realized she'd understand.)

At the moment, I'm still living with my mom, which is fine, I know she'll support me in her own way (she's queer herself, she has internalized issues, but she tries). I know my university I go to, despite having once been a "christian college," have opened up and been supportive of most of the students who do come out in one way or another. I know at least a few of the professors there who are absolutely trying to be supportive to everyone to the best of their abilities. My therapist knows, as mentioned before, but he is also... well, he ain't exactly a pro with gender and sexuality stuff (still a good guy, he just messes up what he's talking about here and there, like using masculine pronouns when he talks about a transwoman (largely I think its because he usually talks about them when they first started transitioning, and I don't think he thinks about gendering them correctly in reference to them coming out... if that makes any sense).

The issues... well, for one, I live in the bible belt. My extended family (who we are finally trying to cut ourselves off from now that the only think holding us together (my grandmother) is gone) lives all around me and the majority of them are.........well lets just say they really don't like my mom being gay, and one of them bullied a kid he was fostering because, in his words, "the kid's a fucking sissy!" Yeah... not a fan of that uncle. (In related news I am genuinely afraid of that man because he is very fucking clearly not mentally stable and has talked about killing himself and others before (while preaching at church!) and he is... really aggressive and has access to guns) I'm too poor to even consider leaving the state, and with... well frankly I'm a bit of a fuckup who really can't live on their own... yeah... fun times. Insurance may cover parts of things, but... honestly I don't even fucking know. Like I said, I know my mom will try to support me, but she is also... well, how do I say this? She tends to not know how to react to stuff. A large reason I don't talk about stuff with her is that she has a habit of turning it around into something about herself (not in a manipulative way, mind you. I just think she doesn't realize why it feels bad to tell her something like this and then have her break down a bit because I didn't tell her sooner or because she didn't work it out herself or anything like that). Basically, if I tell her, its either going to go one of two ways.

She reacts negatively and turns it around about herself and takes the moment to be hurt she didn't work things out or that I didn't tell her. (Literally once opened up to her when I was little (like 11?) about how much I hated myself... she said the next day she spent the entire night crying because she thought she failed... I understand what she was going for, but, honestly not something you should tell your kid who just opened up. Practically had it ingrained internally "If I feel bad, hide it. Because my mom will be devastated by it.")

She goes too supportive and expects me to be willing to open up immediately. Basically just forgetting she can't push me into being out and honest because it takes time to work up the courage.

Both of these options are... iffy. To say the least.

[mooodyblue]

austin butler h.cs | coming out as nonbinary

i rly should have done this during pride month but after discussions today .. i wanna come out to austin so bad also i am non-binary myself so this is for my own comfort 🫡

masterlist

austin just has this type of warmth that makes me really trust him .... idk

your whole life you wondered what the fuck was going on with your gender ...

of course you don't talk to anyone about it. it's just between you, your brain and google.

so when you finally put the pieces together and realize oh that's who i am .... that's me! it's like a huge weight lifted off your shoulders

except.....who do you tell first?? do you tell anyone??

oh but your best friend.....if there was going to be anyone in your life that was supportive of you it was going to be austin butler himself

you invite him over to spend the night, to hang out cause you missed him and you hadn't seen him in awhile

it's all fun and everything until you finally get the courage to tell him

of course you're shaking the entire time and he's just looking at you so concerned and eyes full of worry

and then you tell him.

he is so surprised. not a bad surprised! just a little taken back

asks you questions, asks if there's a gender your set on, asks about whether you lean towards femininity or masculinity more.....he has so many questions

he definitely tears up a little when you tell him he's the first person you told.....he's so honored and feels so loved that you'd trust him enough to tell him something so incredibly important to you

HUGS HUGS HUGS

"god...thank you so much for telling me. thank you trusting me with this, i'm so proud of you."

"do you have pronouns? i mean—of course you have pronouns but do you have preferred pronouns?"

he makes sure to keep it safe when out in public, not wanting to out you and is always cautious when using your pronouns in public

the first time he uses the wrong pronouns he looks like he's going to cry

but then if he slips up again later he's like "damn, sorry." and quickly corrects himself and goes back to the conversation

if someone purposely misgenders you ohhhhhh it's over for whoever did it cause he'd take a bullet for you in a heartbeat

of course if it's an accident he'll quickly correct the other person with "ah, these are their pronouns!"

tldr: austin is so proud of you and wants to make you feel as comfortable as possible 🥺

[ali-dot-txt]

yo i played persona 5 for the first time (III)

Alright, so this post (previous one here and first post in the chain here) is going to be about my general final notes and about Hina as a character.

Despite all my gripes, I did end up enjoying the game. I wouldn't have poured 230 hours into it if I'd hated it.

But most of the enjoyment I wrung from it was a result of the mod and the personal headcanon I spent the whole game developing. I really don't think this game would've been for me without that, which is why I don't intend on playing Persona 4 (well, at least until that game's female protagonist mod gets off the ground). I might play Persona 3 Portable as that game's female protagonist after a little break, though.

The final tally of Hina's Confidants:

Sorry to all the Yusuke fans.

Everyone's final stats:

In 2017, this would be about 88,000 dollars? Which is an absurd amount of money for her to just have on hand.

Favorite characters? I guess I'll list the characters:

Hina (cop-out, i know, but I like her a lot)

Futaba

Haru

Lavenza/the twins

Sojiro

Sumire

Ann

Ryuji

Akechi (he really jumped up in the last arc)

Hifumi

Sae

Morgana (he really jumped very late in the game as well)

Yusuke (sorry, Yusuke fans)

Iwai (I feel like I'd like him more if I'd got further in his Confidant)

Chihaya (same as Iwai)

Makoto (a sudden and incredible fall)

Maruki (he's the worst therapist ever, but he's pretty interesting when he's not talking way too much and his final scenes are really good)

Skilled Gamer (gonna be real, I don't remember his name)

Ohya

Takemi

Mishima (would have preferred if he was removed entirely)

Hina never met Kawakami outside of class and never spoke to that politician.

Anyway, as for Hina...

She's maybe my favorite player character in any video game ever. The slight jankiness of her implementation lent her so much charm, and characterizing her was a ton of fun, especially with how close my trans headcanon seemed to the game's reality. Does that affection transfer to Akira/Ren, or other people's genderswapped Jokers? Well, no, not really. I can't say I'm an expert on the way people view Joker as a character, but from a cursory glance, I feel like Hina's distinct enough from the popular interpretation that she's basically an entirely different person slotted into the role of protagonist. Maybe that's conceited of me.

Hina has the most common family name in Japan, and I thought Hina was the most popular given name in Japan in 1999, the year she was probably born. Turns out that wasn't the case, Hina is actually much more popular recently. The actual most popular name for 1999? Miku. So if I'd had accurate data, she may well have been called Miku Satou. Probably not though.

Hina didn't have friends in her hometown, partially because she was really quiet as a kid and partially because everyone started avoiding her after she started coming to school in a girls' uniform.

Hina's parents have been supportive from the beginning. In fact, her name is from them (she requested it). Also, they sent her to Tokyo with a maid outfit in her box of stuff, which is extremely funny. She calls them once a week, early on Sundays. She doesn't tell them about her phantom thief activities.

Hina's legal name is changed, but not her legal gender (people only ever call her Hina, even in situations where they'd have only read her name off legal forms, so her name must legally be Hina).

Hina largely doesn't react when people misgender her because she's used to it.

When Maruki mentioned that Hina might make a good counselor herself someday, the headcanon wheels started turning in my head and I realized that that's really fucking good. Hina wants to go to university to become a youth counselor, because she saw what happens when someone has the worst counselor ever. Not to mention Hina wanting to help kids like her who might not react well to an authority figure telling them how to live is really sweet.

Hina's trying to create a real version of her Phantom Thief outfit she can wear casually. She has red gloves in her winter school outfit! Why else would she have those? She's going to get white glasses frames next.

Hina isn't good at talking to people, but she comes off as confident because she also has a hard time speaking in any particular tone, so she almost always seems to be talking without reservations.

Hina is an only child. (Fairly sure this is an element of most people's imagined Jokers. No way does this person have siblings.)

I don't think most of the harsh things I put in quotes to indicate that Hina said them are things she actually would say. I think she's probably thinking them.

Hina has a gaming PC in her hometown. Her buying that laptop was because she was going stir-crazy from not having access to a desktop computer.

Hina likes Morgana much more than I do. She doesn't think of him as a big brother (lmao), but she does love him like a brother.

In contrast, I think Hina has exactly as much disdain for Mishima as I have.

Hina isn't really invested in Akechi. She thinks he's a terrible weirdo who she wishes would stop talking to her. When she learns about his actual motivations, that switches to thinking of him as kind of pathetic. She wishes he would have talked to her about his issues at all, because she probably could have helped him deal with them like she helps literally everyone else, but she's not so broken up about him not being in her life anymore. (In contrast, I actually quite like Akechi now that I get what they were going for with him.)

Hina is good at schoolwork, but she's lacking in common sense.

Takemi actually never misgendered Hina, and Maruki only did so once. It's pretty funny how the medical professionals are consistently the least transphobic people in the game. I wonder why that is? 🤔

Hina got really good at making coffee and curry in the year she spent at Leblanc.

Hina being shorter than regular Joker is especially funny because her animation speed has to be adjusted, so she walks really fast in cutscenes where she moves places. She has to move that fast to keep up with people.

Hina's relationship with Haru is going to cause an absolutely awful scandal if it ever becomes public. I have no idea how they're going to deal with that, but hopefully they'll figure it out.

Hina doesn't really find any new friends when she moves back home, but she's alright with keeping to herself and focusing on her studies while having friends she can talk to online and a cat who can talk.

Hina might be rejected from a lot of universities for her criminal record or her transness. She might've had her record expunged, but she still spent time in juvie, not to mention the heavily political implications of her actions might risk scandal for any university that she enrolls in. She might end up having to apply to universities abroad, where the Phantom Thieves and the events surrounding them weren't so much in the public consciousness.

Anyway, that's Hina Satou. I might write fic for her someday? But she requires a lot of context to really understand her. I care about her a lot, and people understanding her is important to me for some reason.

And finally: some of my favorite screenshots of Hina.

[vampirepersay]

Girls transfem butters fic CW misgendering verbal abuse implied

Doing dumb things was just a part of growing up, kids are stupid and believe dumb things, however, most people don't constantly think about one thing that happen to them ten years ago and why should they, it's not like it was a big deal anyway it was just another one of Eric's dumb ideas that Butters somehow believed and why he believed it he will never know.                                                

Yet he did and he can't stop thinking about it all these years later and butters still can't stop thinking about how good it felt to be Marjorine and how much he hated being butters, Majorine had all the things butters wanted friends that were not complete douchebags, no overbearing parents ready to punish her for looking at someone the wrong way. But butters know while a great improvement from his real life there was something more, something bigger than all those things, bigger than cartman's ass even. Majorine was a girl and butters much to his dismay was not.

Before Butters could continue with his existential crisis a familiar scream could be heard 

"Butters come downstairs right this instant young man!". 

"oh geez," butters quietly mutters to himself before responding with a "coming dad", 

before going down the stairs. An all too familiar sight meeting his eyes,  his dad Stephen stotch looked like he came straight out of some cheesy 1950s sitcom but unlike those sitcom dads who were loving and caring fathers  Stephen was neither loving nor caring  

 "Butters, do you have anything to say for yourself?" 

Confused as to what his dad was mad about this time butters replies anyway hoping that he says the right thing to not make his dad madder 

"I'm so sorry I didn't mean to" 

In actuality, Butters had no idea why his dad was so mad but he wasn't about to give him any more reasons to yell at him. 

"don't give me that attitude young man, you know exactly what you did, why didn't you mow the grass today? I don't know what the hell has gotten into you lately but whatever it is it's not more important than your chores". 

"I'm so sorry dad you're right I'll go do that" replied the nervous blonde. 

"you better have it done before dinner" 

"I will dad"

.the next two hours sucked butters was never good at physical activities and yard work was no exception but after two hours in the summer sun he was done at last standing at the back door about to go in his home 

before he heard a voice he would recognize from anywhere his long-time best friend and neighbor Eric Cartman, despite his rude nature, butters genuinely loves his friendship with Eric where others just see a fat rude douchebag, butters knew Eric was so much more than that underneath all that Eric was a surprisedly kind person even if he very rarely chose to show that side of himself it also didn't help that he was so beautiful yes it was true he was the fattest boy at school but butters thought it just made him that much cuter. 

"hey fag" said the oh so familiar brunette 

"oh hey Eric what's up", replied butters 

"im so fucking happy  Kyle went to some stupid summer camp so he's not going to be here for a whole month". "

Oh that's a real bummer" replied the blonde 

"yeah I know a real bummer he's not staying there all summer," said Eric. 

"That's not what I meant and you know it Eric!" replied butters playful yelling 

"relax I know what you meant you, dork".  Eric replied

"So anyway,  want to go do something cool". 

Says the brunette

What kind of cool thing are we talking about".  Replied the taller  blonde 

"I was thinking I drive us to McDonald's and you pay," said the fat boy. 

Sounds fun just let me go ask my parents and, wait, why am I paying? Replied the blond, 

"because I'm driving duh". Answered Eric with a look on his face as if what he said was the most obvious thing in the world. 

And with an annoyed-sounding approval from his parents Butters had left with eric.

[rubberduckyrye]

you seem kind of callous...I don't know the whole story but friends are supposed to help each other

Hey anon. Anon.

You’re fucking right—you don’t know the whole story. And to be frank, I’m suspicious of this ask because who in their right might would send this to me after I made my posts.

Anyway.

Let me be clear.

This man trauma dumped on me and a friend constantly. He’s always talking about how awful life is and making suicidal comments. I keep telling him to get a therapist but he ignores me because of his own damn pride/learned helplessness. But despite despising therapists, he’s using me and my friend as free therapists to vent to—which is why I kept telling him to get professional help because this man desperately needs it.

He did not listen.

It came to a head over the weekend, where we had an argument where I made it very clear that the words he says makes us (me and my friend) constantly worry about his safety, how we aren’t trained professionals, ectect. He got all pissy because I told him that him apologizing for hating therapists felt insincere when he didn’t plan on changing that behavior, he said I was calling him a liar, and I had to leave the group chat after he reacted poorly to me finally caving and sending him a CBT workbook so he could “help himself.”

After that, he DMs me, we argue more, and we come to some sort of agreement where I stated some things needed to fucking change and he agreed. Great!

Except not great.

This man had been emotionally manipulating me by being nice to me in my personal DMs, but he was being vile about me in DMs with my friend. He insisted me telling him to get a therapist every time he trauma dumped on us was harassment, he kept weirdly misgendering me when referring to me from six or seven years ago (which, fun fact—I was Agender then too, so there’s no fucking excuse!) (Also context here: we all met in a RP, I drifted off and we stopped speaking six-seven years ago, only to reconnect recently), said that I was like his Ex (not as in I reminded him of an ex, no—that I was like an ex of his), and finally, he called me abusive because I committed the horrible crime of drifting away from him and my other friend as a friend and never DMed him back and he waited like the ~sad little puppy in the gutter-victim of my crime~ for seven years.

IN WHICH.

If this man really was so stuck on me and missed me, kinda weird how he had my email this whole fucking time and didn’t try to reach out these past six or seven years! Kind of weird for someone who blames me for him developing abandonment issues to not reach out in that span of time, don’t you think? That’s how we reconnected in the first place—I posted in the old RP ooc forum, and he scrambled to get into contact with me because I made a nostalgic post about being a stupid kid. He emailed me just to get my attention!

Anyway.

He said all of these sentiments to my friend AFTER we had our discussion. So he was sweet talking to me and shit talking about me to my friend, and called me abusive because I dared to just, drift away from him. He had a grudge against me. One that I knew he was going to hover over my damn head—especially since things “seemed fine” after the conversation. Had my friend not told me about what he said behind my back? Fuck. I’d be ignorant to how horrible of a guy he had become.

So I cut him off. I knew he wasn’t going to help himself and he was just going to, albeit unintentionally so, emotionally abuse me. And you know what he did after I did that?

He picked a fucking fight with my friend.

He took his hurt and upset out on her, whined the tragic woes of “Oh, I thought everything was fine now, Rye lied to me!” Despite literally calling me abusive in DMs with my friend earlier. I didn’t mention to him that my friend told me what he said, because I wanted to avoid him giving her his damn wrath—but it didn’t matter. They fought. And that’s where we are right now.

Sorry that I don’t want to be friends with someone who thinks of me as an abuser because I drifted away from him as a friend. Fuck, we weren’t even that close—and my friends have expressed concern over how weirdly obsessed he is with me.

But yes. You ARE supposed to help your friends, it’s not a bad thing to occasionally need to vent and cry and be held. However, he was not treating us like friends—he was treating us like free therapists who he could beat up emotionally and keep around because if we left, what if he hurt himself? Then when I came into the picture with my New Yorker “I take no shit” attitude, he didn’t like that, and got pissy because I refused to coddle him anymore.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.

You can try to help a friend, but if they don’t want to help themselves, then they’re just making you watch as they spiral down and get worse.

And once again I state: If you fucking play with Fire, You are Going to get Burned.

My feelings of genuine concern for this man were played with like a fiddle. Now that I know, he has to face the fire.

And anon, don’t send this shit to other people. It’s fucking rude at best, and comes off as victim blaming at worst.

So yeah. Fuck off with this shit.

[moonlight-eternal]

Greetings, denizens of this intangible ſpace. I am Gwyndolin, Goddess of the Darkmoon, lastborn child of the Great Lord Gwyn, patron goddess of justice and bearer of the Soul of Cold. Events have conſpired to bring me to this other place against my will. I worry greatly for Lordran in mine abſence, for the First Flame ever fadeth and, though diſtasteful is the act, ſacrifices must be offered as kindling with regularity, with the world's ſurvival prolonged in proportion to the magnitude of souls a ſavior Linketh unto the flame. The time approacheth again mere decades hence and preparations must be made to train the next heroic Undead and guide them along the path; to that end I seek return to the lands of my birth, that I might lay out the ſtrengthening challenges once more.

While here, however, I do resolve to learn of this odd realm, and to partake of its hoſpitality and its challenges. I am, outside of duty, a scholar: of three forms of magic, and of archery, and it would be remiſs to recuse myself from learning as well the skill of battling with pokemon. Therefore I do swear to train a team and ascend to Champion, should time allow while my search progreſseth toward a way to travel home.

I have one pokemon already, though I know its ſpecies not. Twas a brown and large-eared ſort, with fluffy tail, which did approach me like a cat upon my Fall. Foolishly I did reach out in trust, against my cautious habit, and as my fingers brushed across its fur a change did come at once. The beaſt now sporteth fur of white, with ribbons upon her neck all tipped in pink and blue. I have named her Ornstein, after a friend most dear to me, who did transform her body just like this creature, and myself in past, have done.

A settlement lieth ahead along the road; I shall make my way to its gates and seek insight as to the journey ahead.

[OOC info under the cut.]

Hi it's me again from @the-fluffiest-trainer, yes I know Dark Souls is quite a different vibe from MLP, but it's also my favorite game ever and I can't let the growing crowd of Bloodborne Fallers have all the fun, now can I? Gwyndolin and Fluttershy are in the same world and the same Kalos and can conceivably run into each other. This is mostly because I am still not very familiar with pokemon and didn't want to have to double my research and play through another game in parallel, but also because it will be really funny to see them meet.

This world is closer to the anime than to the games, with expanded regions and less emphasis on hard game mechanical details in pokemon battles. I write what makes sense from the perspective of living in the world, even if the numbers and code might not agree.

Important info and ground rules:

With this blog in particular, much more so than with Fluttershy's blog, I am going to have a very twitchy finger on the block button. This has nothing to do with you; this is just due to my own personal requirements in this specific context.

Pronouns are she/her exclusively. IC misgendering will be responded to with hostility. OOC misgendering may get you blocked, because it means you haven't read this pinned post and I really need people to have read this before interacting.

Gwyndolin arrived to Kalos via random ultra wormhole, same as many Fallers, from roughly the ds1 player's time period.

Pelipper mail is on, however...

I am extremely autistic about this game and I guarantee I know what ds1 canon does and does not say. If you make reference to something that's in ds3 but not in ds1, I will know.

If you put ds3 shit in my inbox, I will almost certainly not respond to it.

If the above happens too frequently, I will close all mail. And that's no fun for any of us.

If you send me particularly graphic or offensive ds3 shit, I will block you. Do not fucking test me on this.

Gwyndolin's pokemon team:

Ornstein (she/her), sylveon, who found Gwyndolin upon her Fall as an eevee but evolved instantly upon being pet, just due to the sheer transgender energy Gwyndolin imparted.

Andre (he/him), snom, found on Route 19 and initially thought to be a crystal lizard.

Sif (she/her), yamper, found alongside Radagon in the wilderness near Anistar City.

Radagon (he/him), yamper (shiny), found alongside Sif in the wilderness near Anistar City.

N/A

N/A

[unknown]'s pokemon team:

Nort (he/him), zoroark

Velkotaq (he/him), corviknight

Lozcar (she/her), malamar

Marshadow (they/them), marshadow

N/A

N/A

Text colors and formats used:

Gwyndolin: Standard black text

Visual description in videos: [Bracketed italicized black text]

[unknown]: Purple text. This person first appeared in the "#impish stranger arc". All that is known about them is that they are short, redheaded, have a zoroark named Nort, and also hail from Lordran.

Gym Leader Olympia: Blue text. First introduced in the "#anistar rumors arc", her psychic abilities may prove useful in tracking down the stranger noted above.

Fluttershy (@the-fluffiest-trainer): Pink text.

Twindolin: Teal text. AU Gwyndolin from a worse Lordran, introduced in the MMM "Moon Moon" and managed to stay in the pokemon world.

Content warnings for this blog, current and future:

Canonical events of Pokemon X

Trainers can be affected by pokemon moves if improperly targeted

Possible mentions of past transphobia and parental abuse

Not post-apocalyptic themes per se, more like... actively working to push off a foreseeable apocalypse. If Gwyndolin gets home again and does her job, there never will be an apocalypse.

Occasional high-stakes plots which may involve injury and/or death, for both pokemon and trainers.

Current deviations from normal:

Gwyndolin got cat ears pelipper mailed to her. It took her weeks to notice she had them because of the mask she wears all the time.

Story arcs so far:

Intro arc (no tag): Gwyndolin Falls into eastern Kalos and finds a starter pokemon. She takes on a dragon-type gym in a noncanon small town.

#cold wind arc: On the way to the nearest large city, Snowbelle, Gwyndolin investigates what appears to be a creature native to Lordran.

#impish stranger arc: Gwyndolin happens upon a person who cannot be focused on or remembered later, but who shows up on video. Investigation leads to this person revealing they are also from Lordran, then leaving town and threatening Gwyndolin with bodily harm if she tries to find them again.

#week of weeks mini-arc: The road is out to the north of Snowbelle, so Gwyndolin takes the back roads through a tiny town, arriving just in time for a local holiday. She learns about other traditions and meets a very gay woman named Ruth.

#anistar rumors arc: Everyone in Anistar City is strangely hostile for no apparent reason. The psychic gym leader Olympia informs Gwyndolin that a stranger passed through recently and spread unpleasant rumors about her, then made themself forgotten when they left. Also there was an incident with some zucchini.

#mmm: moon moon: An alternate Gwyndolin falls into Kalos, from a timeline in which the Dark overtook Lordran. She does not wish to return home, and with Gwyndolin's help manages to remain.

[theowritesfiction]

'The Serpent's Pass'

I love this episode because two sorely missed characters - Suki and Jet - make their return.

I loved how after having to be an absolute rock during the previous episode, this one starts off with Katara getting to be playful and just enjoy herself. I loved her waterbending bomb. She's adorable.

The worsening refugee situation is yet another aspect of the war revealed very effectively by this episode. Can't fault the people for thinking that Ba Sing Se is safe...

Ah, the return of Jet! Immediate Jetko rights. There is some serious Jetko bonding in this chapter and it's great to see. Jet and Zuko's little operation to liberate the food for refugees... @juniperhillpatient, for how dysfunctional Jetko can be, you have to admit, they worked together very efficiently! Also, hearing Jet speak about how he has re-evaluated his life and is going to BSS for a second chance... why the fuck did they have to kill him off? He could have played such an interesting part in the story.

I'm glad Iroh is approaching his return to Ba Sing Se with the grace and dignity... of a complete and utter clown. Sometimes I wonder what the hell is wrong with that old man. Misgendering Smellerbee, what the fuck? 40 Jerk Points.

Damn, the Sukkka reunion is hideously sweet. Suki playing the tough guard and playfully harassing Sokka was so gosh darn cute. I re-watched that part at least four times. Sokka being super protective of Suki after what happened to Yue makes so much sense, even if he comes off annoyingly overbearing, it's still fun to see him trying to protect Suki from a spider. Sokka still missing Yue is a tearjerker moment. I'm glad Sokka pulled himself together at the end though. With how criminally little screen time Suki is given in this show, Sokka you better take any chance you have to kiss that girl.

I am going to give Aang huge credit for agreeing to guide the refugees through the Serpent's Pass even if he's depressed and lacking motivation. I want to slap Sokka for complaining about that, especially when he wanted to use the pass in the first place. Also, I can completely understand Katara being horrified by Aang's talk of abandoning hope. Katara is someone for who hope means everything.

I really enjoyed the action while fighting the giant serpent. Katara's waterbending has come such a long way. The awkward moment of Toph kissing Suki while thinking she was saved by Sokka was funny, but also kind of... weirdly set up? So all the previous abuse Toph hurled at Sokka was because she secretly liked him? I don't know how to feel about that.

Could my admiration for Katara grow any higher? The way she takes charge of the situation after the refugee lady goes into labor is impressive. At the age of 14, she's helped Kanna deliver babies back at the South Pole. When I think back to what I was like when I was 14, it just makes me blush and cringe.

Seeing Aang regain his hope at the end of the episode was so touching. I also remember how at the start of Book 2, I thought to myself: meh, this is the season where they started to push Kataang. Except... they haven't? Only Cave of Two Lovers contained traces of Kataang. This episode? It's all about sweet and caring friends energy, sorry.

Also I love the cliffhanger this episode ends on, the shot of the Fire Army drill was so ominous, like... I don't know what the hell is that thing, but it's scary.

Okay, so only Iroh was supposed to get Jerk Points for this chapter, but I'm going to touch on something that ties into the previous episode. I've always felt that Katara is criminally underappreciated by the fans and the ATLA writers, but also by the other characters on the show, she is literally ALWAYS just taken for granted. She put up with so much BS leading the group out of the desert alive, and yet she received no recognition for it, not even a single thank you? I'm giving the rest of the Gaang 30 Jerk Points each for taking Katara for granted.

Jerk Points for Book 2:

Iroh - 550 Azulon - 300 Ursa, General Fong  - 200 Aang - 160 Zuko - 120 Ozai, Toph Beifong - 100 Sokka - 70 Bumi, Lao Beifong - 50 Pakku - 30

Iroh is really pulling away at the top... can anyone challenge him this season? Long Feng has his work cut out for him.

[starlightshadowsworld]

Well shit I have an interview tomorrow.

So time go role play as a definitely straight woman with her life put together.

Tucks my pastel rainbow and pink jewellery into it's lil pouch.

Side note that pouch is... Has seen better days I am definitely making one.

Puts ze pride pins away and my lil purple friend.

He's pissed.

I'm sorry my dude.

Apparently he's a bird I don't believe that I'm sorry bean Claires has misgendered you.

His names Lil, lil lovechild for some reason idk why I did that to him but he's Lil.

Lil pissed...

I've some long ass white and black dress and a grey... Ish? Hijab.

It's not even my dress it's my mums. Because apparently I don't own formal attire.

It's a dress and leggings hun I am literally wearing that but sure okay she's giving me a lift.

I can't remember if I hate the feel of the fabric or not but I am not going to check because I wanna be ignorant for a while.

A lil heart necklace I got for my birthday and my sandals cos it's boiling here.

I might be sneaky and maybe wear my gummy bear earrings because you can't see em with the scarf.

I probably won't tho because anxiety.

And there pink and blue and I'm just like ayy lol trans dudes.

Got a lil gold heart ring too.

Im making this a post so I can be like hehe yeah fun time.

I am losing my mind and dressing in a way that is not me is just gah.

It's not even that different but it is and just flops

It's am hour it's one fucking hour.

And than I'm going to go home and write the Allico project.

I am going to sit my ass down and go back to writing this fucking thing.

Because I keep wanting to talk about but it's not even written past the first paragraph and it's killing me.

Because I wanna show people but there's nothing to show.

And I haven't touched it in ages and I am going to write it out of spite.

... That and all my other fics I apologise to everyone.

I am working on them, I just decided to work on a bag too and that has slowly consumed my existence to the point idk if I or the remains of a pink heart bag are gonna show up to the interview.

Also a lot of my family that I dunno and have never met live in the area I'm going too soo... Fun.

Please don't recognise me...

Sooo... Yeah.

[woodsywizard]

This is very out of the blue but I could use some advice if you’re willing ofc. No pressure.

I’ve been out as trans (Ftm) for about 6 years and I’ve only dated my ex. She was fully supportive and hardly cared about the trans aspect of who I am. I say that because we’ve been separated for about a year now and I’m really wanting to get back into the dating aspect of my life. But. I am quickly finding out that’s it’s extremely difficult in general but adding the trans layer on top makes it even harder. Ive been all over the internet trying to sooth my worries about all of it but it’s really just made me worry more lol. I am just spiraling a little bit. I’m in college so that’s like prime time dating but I’m just. Like really overwhelmed atm. Any tips that you have?

Personally I think this is hard for me to answer because I’ve never really had a period of life where I was like, actively searching for someone to date. I’ve been in two relationships, one with another trans guy when I wasn’t aware of my own transness, and another I’m currently in with a cis woman who’s been there like, throughout my entire transition and knew me way before I even knew I was trans as well. I’ve legitimately never been on the dating scene Bc those were very consecutive 😭😭😭

That being said I totally think being trans can add another difficulty to trying to date people. Definitely be open about the fact you’re trans if you feel safe enough to do so, because it helps with the weird accusations you get otherwise 😭😭😭. I’ve had issues making friends actually due to being so visibly trans it repels so many cis people just bc they’re terrified of misgendering me and then avoid me because of this. I had one random group actively accuse me of hiding being trans when I just didn’t mention it for a while. It was weird as fuck. Cis people are weird.

This is gonna sound like inexperienced advice because it is, but I suggest like. Trying to make enough friends that you can best friend your way into romance with someone. Does that even make sense? I don’t know. I ended up dating my best friend and we’re still together quite happily on year three. Maybe that’s just the only route I know. But also making more friends is literally always fun and good and honestly the best use of college.

I think the best thing I can give about the situation is literally just. College isn’t the end all of dating for trans people. You don’t HAVE to get it all in now. When it’s over you’ll continue to be able to. Being trans means we tend to do all the steps way slower than other people as we finally gEt to do the steps at last once we’re out the house, so like, for me personally it’s been a lot of reconciling my pacing can’t be as fast as I want it to be. Being trans also won’t bar you from dating. It just means you’ll have to suffer a bit more during the process, Y’know? Even so I get it like definitely go for it and do some stupid shit.

Honestly this is probably my worst advice I’ve given so feel free to ignore it NDJSJJD. I don’t know. I’m just some guy. But I love the sound of my own… text? So yeah, good luck out there buddy. I believe in you.

[generallygenderless]

The fun/weird thing about being a sorta-minorly-transmasc nonbinary person, at least in my experience, is how it relates to attraction.

If I like a girl, because I know I’m perceived as a girl and I have some small attachment to the gender I pretended to be for years, it feels gay. I’m pretty sure that some of the people in my life view me as essentially a bi girl with they/them pronouns. Hell, to the family I’m half-closeted to I seem like a bi girl (which nothing against bi girls but for me it feels wrong because I know I’m not one).

If I like a guy, because I feel a little more along the masc lines, it’s gay. I don’t know exactly why, and that detail alone makes me wonder if I’m a Trans Guy In Denial (TGID).

And of course, being nonbinary, if I like a nonbinary person that’s technically same gender attraction, which is literally gay.

So either way it’s queer and I guess that’s the best way to explain it. None of my love or attraction has ever been straight, it’s always a queer love and I don’t even know if that makes sense out of my head.

It doesn’t help that I’m also sorta genderfluid I think, and I know that my gender vibes are mildly influenced by attraction (including aesthetic alone).

But even with friends it’s this way to a degree.

With girls, I’m aware of how I’m viewed, and how I just don’t relate to their experience of gender. And those experiences leak into conversation in a lot of different ways, but in a group of girls, especially cishet ones, I just feel like an impostor. Because I look like them but I don’t understand their world and their culture.

With guys, still aware of how I’m viewed, because it can affect my safety in a space. Whether out or not, I’ve had guys I thought were friends who were really just trying to get with me. And being careful is a necessity. But I kinda wanna feel like one of the guys, and I think that’s part of why videogaming with my school friend lately has been so fun. I like that I feel affirmed in my gender identity somehow because I’m bonding with a guy friend in a traditionally masculine way. Or maybe the game itself has nothing to do with it but the vibes do. I’m unsure.

With nonbinary people, it’s generally pretty chill. Sometimes our gendervibes are similar and other times it’s not. Sometimes all I know about them are their pronouns but it just helps somehow. To know that someone else gets it I guess.

I don’t talk much about my gender lately. It shows. I don’t hear my name often during the summer, so my club meetings and game sessions affirm me in a way that home life only sometimes does. My mom has my pronoun-shuffle down in a way that seems natural, but she alternates names too. It’s fine, but it feels like two different identities and I’ve wondered for a few years now if my name discomfort might be trauma related.

In any event, I fuck up my own pronouns lately and stuff. It’s weird because it feels wrong every time but it still happens. I struggle with which name to use and it’s uncomfortable. Kinda dysphoric lately but in a quiet way. Little bits of discomfort that I don’t realize until I reflect on the day.

Earlier today, a friend misgendered me and I caught it the first time. He caught and corrected it the second time. I said it was alright because it is, long-term, but every time I remember it, inevitably part of me wants to laugh while the other part just feels uncomfortable.

The friend meant no harm. I’m just having these issues lately.

[moongothic]

Vewy vewy sweep depwived and tiwed, and I had a delightful little nightmare the other night so let me share that while I wait for whenever the fuck I can go to bed

I was in like... this kind of, very golden, fantasy 19th century-esque city, with a large group of friends (/classmates??) (they weren't like actual people I know online or in person, they were just people in the dream and I was supposedly friends with them). We were doing something, hanging out and having a good time, going from place to place

But then I had a disagreement with one of them, I can't remember what it was about but things got very sour and the mood amongst the entire group changed as we were moving towards the next place in the city we wanted to visit.

Although the mood had gone like milk, I was still kind of treating it as if it was a stupid fight because my friend was wrong, and I was heading to the next place with everyone else

But... For some reason, everyone in the group was riding bikes. Except me

So the group increased speed together, and while I did try to run for a little bit to keep up... they sped off, driving away and disappearing

The entire group had decided to cut me out over the fight I had with one of them. Not one of them had taken my side, as I had always been the outsider of the group. And now I was left alone in the city, having to figure out what to do on this holiday trip we were supposed to be on together

Well, I decided that since I was in the city, I should try to enjoy myself, by myself, and I went off, exploring the city at my own pace for a good while

Eventually I went to ride a bus (that looked like... if you took an American, yellow school bus and a UFO and merged them together into something kinda 19th century-esque) to get to a certain destination, but of course, the entire group was also there (it's not like they had left the city, only natural to run into them eventually I guess)

And while they were still being extremely quiet and distant, they were also like... maybe showing some sign of regret, like they knew they had been wrong, or something, maybe

But at this point, I went to browse Twitter, only to find out that while I was having a good ol' time by myself, the entire group had started talking shit about me on Twitter, making the entire argument go viral, resulting in hundreds of thousands of people sending angry messages and tweeting their hot takes about me

Including my online friends

Whom I had trusted

Who were now talking shit about me with the wrong name and intentionally misgendering me

Saying shit like "I knew Alice was always like this, she needs to be held accountable, she can't be allowed to exist anymore"

But then, the group started maybe kinda backpedaling on the original things they had said, admitting they had put things way out of proportion and/or spread lies to smear me

And I had to watch my friends now stand by what they had previously stated while we all knew that the friends knew they were wrong. And yet they would rather continue to misgender etc because they could not admit they had jumped on the smear campaign for fun

So yeah, that was a delightful little nightmare

I had a grand ol' time with it, thanks brain, ya made me feel really happy and loved :)

[face-palming-fox]

i so badly want to not be the bigger person.

ive let people step all over me for my entire life. in earlier years, cos i was naive; in later years cos. i thought it's what i should've been doing. to not cause others distress so i would just take it all upon myself.

until everyone all got a bit too comfy with taking advantage of my kindness and accommodating. and they fucked me up beyond anything i can comprehend now. and im tired of it.

if you can't match or respect what i can give. i really don't want much association with you. because im tired of meeting people 100% of the way to not even get .01% of anything back.

so when this selfish, uncaring ex of mine told me im no longer welcome to live in the apartment i struggled to clean for 10 years by myself for him not ever contributing to housework cos he saw earning money as his only duty, and made me leave my cats with him that i did everything for, feeding, bathing, grooming, medicating, cleaning litter boxes and taking to vet appts and often times paying for those appt unless they were more than i had in my account meanwhile all he wanted to do for them was sometimes cuddle them (because he often ignored them too)

the hurt, bitter side of me wants to message his friend that he now spends all his time with and what has lead to the even further decline of him ever paying attention to me and tell her how much he's affected me over the years. how because he made me take on the 'housewife' role of doing the cooking, cleaning, groceries, pet care AND work a 40/hr a week job that kept putting me in positions that i never wanted to be in and completely overwhelming me for 8 hours a day, five days week..

that im and even more broken and disabled person now bc of partial contribution from him. and that i think he resents the fact that im. so. fucked up i struggle to function on a daily basis for having weird brain episodes of dissociation, confusion, exec dysfunction that makes doing tasks harder, time blindness, unfocused most the day.. etc.

how shitty it is that he did every activity i ever waited on him to make time to do with me but it never happened, with her. how he's never respected or acknowledged my queer identity and even made fun of/misgendered/dead named his trans sister (and for some reason so many people felt safe and comfortable to come out to him, i don't get it) and he would brag about getting strangers her barely knew on the internet for less than a year's pronouns correct.

how he now. is doing some. of the house tasks that i literally had to BEG him to do to help me out just a little bit when we were together so i could finally sit down and relax for a while.

how literally hours. after informing me he no longer wanted me to live with him and made my only choice of residence my parents house who I've been terrified of for two years because they refuse to try and understand my mental illness issues... and also in the two weeks following.. he's asked me three times if ill babysit the cats that as of right now im only allowed to VISIT after I've been a part of their lives for all of their entire lives.. so he can go on vacation to visit her again. that would make 3 vacation trips he would be taking in 3 months.

ive never taken a vacation. ever. we either never had enough money, couldn't get vacation time off at the same time or wouldn't have anyone to watch all of our cats. the only time we planned a trip was for a weekend anime convention (would have been my first ever con and i was planning over a year for it) in 2020 and obviously. that fell through.

and after all of this. after everything he's done. after everything he's put me through. he thinks we're the best of friends right now. when in reality.. i hate his fucking guts. i want to cuss him out so bad. i literally wrote 20 full pages of shit for him when i thought i was going to get my things and my cats and never speak to him again and it was gonna be my final words to him.

because he disgusts me. i so badly want his friends to know. his followers. his discord server. i want them to know that it doesn't even matter the longevity of your time knowing him, it doesn't secure him respecting u and treating u well. it doesn't matter how much you've done or sacrificed for him. if he's not the center of attention and the aunmbject matter for everything topic and conversation, it's not worth his time.

he let his partner struggle for years trying to keep up a household and care for increasingly more animals over 10 years. he refused their identity and continued to misgender them on a daily basis. he ignored every attempt his partner tried to make to spend time with him because he prioritized streaming and hanging out online over his partner. he refused to figure out how to communicate despite many desperate pleas for communication. (he stressed out and pressured his ace partner for years for sex when they didn't want to participate and quite honestly probably for the same reasons of 0 communication and he was more in it for himself than anything).

as interaction started to dwindle between us, the few times we did chat it always had to be him speaking or topics around him: his daily video game adventures, his job, how stressed and tired he was. if i spoke or spoke too long (i had to start cutting everything i said down to size because he would never let me speak) he was quickly trying to get away from me or shut me up.

.. melatonin has gotten to me and i forgot my train of thought. my point is.. he's not treated me well. he wants constant attention and praise for every minor thing he does ut he doesn't wanna give any back. at least in my case. and all i ever did was try and make him happy. try to make his life easier and stress free. while he did the exact opposite for me. and he still wants to take from me after it's now all over.

i don't want to be the nice person anymore. he doesn't deserve that from me after wasting 14 years of my life and causing 2 major identity/relationship meltdowns, constant imposter syndrome, increasing amounts of anxiety and nonstop life disruptions that i never could process and settle bc as soon as i tried to get used to whatever way he caused change, he'd cause more.

fuck him. and fuck cishet men.