#AND a hot husband who was canonically a great father

[the-badger-mole]

Why does Katara have to end up with anyone? Why can't she be single? ZK and KA are both annoying af

Short answer, she doesn't. Long answer, I like romance and I make no apologies for that. Zutara is a top tier ship, and them getting together would've enhanced the narrative for both, because they would be mutually supportive. Katara wouldn't have faded into Zuko's shadow, like she did with Aang because Zuko would have enough respect for her intelligence and passion to give her space to do the amazing things she should have been allowed to do after the war. Katara could've had both an amazing career/legacy AND a loving husband and family. I'm sorry if your imagination won't allow for both things to be true, but I promise it's possible

[lovedreamer11]

Big anti hotdrhaenyra. HBO will never make me betray canon Rhaenyra.

Now the opinion is actively spreading that people showed their true colors after the release of the sixth episode of the second season of hotd. And that supposedly those who are unhappy with the changes made to the characters in the show, especially Rhaenyra, are not true fans of her and such actions insult the canon.

But I will reveal the truth. Just the opposite is true. The Rhaenyra from the show is not the real Rhaenyra. This is a faceless, stupid, selfish character.

The real Rhaenyra is a completely different person. Proud, hot-tempered, vindictive. She's not perfect. But she is more like a real person with real flaws.

Rhaenyra never had any problems with her gender. She was a woman, she admitted it. The Queen did not envy Daemon and did not dream of being born a man. Rhaenyra admired Visenya, but she was not her and did not try to become her.

I love that she didn’t care at all about the court’s opinion of her personal life, because she didn’t even try to pretend that she and Laenor were a married couple when she allowed her husband to live his life on Driftmark, surrounded by his favourites.

Rhaenyra was not a crazy nymphomaniac who fucked everything that moved. There is a possibility that their marriage to Laenor was never consummated, and sexual relations with Criston are refuted by all sources. In her life were: the father of her three children, Harwin, there is a possibility that there was Laena (I don’t really think it true, but this theory is very popular so let’s count it) and Daemon.

She really could love. Rhaenyra sent her husband to kill the man who dared to insult her sons. Rhaenyra's grief for Luke was so great that she fainted at the news of his death and did not take part in the war council. One of the factors that exacerbated the queen's paranoia was the deaths of Jace and Viserys, to which was added the alleged betrayal of her husband.

Rhaenyra insisted that Laena be cared for after her difficult birth by her personal maester, renowned for his healing skills, and she wanted Gerardys to care for Viserys' health. Out of love for her father, she did not cause any harm to Alicent, although she had every right to do otherwise.

Eustace confirms that Daemon was his niece's first love and appears to be the love of her life, as baby Aegon was conceived immediately after Laena's death and while Harwin was still alive. Even Mushroom mentions Daemon as Rhaenyra's "beloved husband", and Rhaenyra herself calls her husband "my prince" and is furious at rumors that her husband might be leaving her for a younger woman. And even if Daemon did cheat on his wife with Mysaria, Rhaenyra herself remained a faithful wife to her husband and had no other lovers during their marriage or after Daemon's death (I have a feeling the showRhaenyra will fuck showAlicent right after showJoffrey's death).

Rhaenyra loved her family. She loved her so much that it almost destroyed her. And I think that one of the reasons why Rhaenyra did not follow her sister's example after escaping from the capital was her love for her last living child, Aegon.

ShowRhaenyra doesn't care about anyone but herself. She has already forgotten about her dead children and is now running around the island with a dissatisfied face, dreaming of becoming a man and apparently looking for someone who fuck her. She was ready to give the Hightowers, the people who discussed her murder in episode nine, her youngest sons, without even consulting the father of her children. She went to the capital to negotiate peace with murderers, traitors and usurpers, without thinking about the negative consequences for her family.

ShowRhaenyra demands advice from the lords, but rejects all advice offered. She's hysterical and doesn't offer anything herself.

ShowRhaenyra left her father to rot alone for six years and remembered his existence, only then did she need her trash to be cleaned up after her.

ShowRhaenyra didn't get sex from showDaemon in episode four, so she went and fucked the first man she could find. This was not the act of the girl boss or a progressive woman (as black fans of the show believe) or a rapist (as green fans of the show believe), it was the act of an idiot who, being the heir to the throne in a patriarchal and misogynistic world, decided to put her reputation at risk for the sake of the man, and she didn't even love him so much. She has no right to say that showDaemon destroyed her reputation. Yes, I agree, the situation with the brothel was his fault, but it was not showDaemon who put showCriston in his niece’s bed and it was not he who advised her to give birth to obvious bastards for ten years.

At the beginning of the sixth episode of the first season, she scolded showLaenor for having the audacity to give a name to her son, and then in the next scene she shouted at showLaenor that her bastards were his sons and he should be their father and obliged to help her get out from the hole she dug for herself.

ShowMysaria talked about how she was sexually assaulted and what is your blessed girl boss doing? She immediately tries to "comfort" the other woman by starting a sexual relationship and uses showMysaria just like all the other men in her life. If Matt had been on Emma place, ​​the poor man would have been stoned and accused of harassment.

And of course, how can one not remember that the real Rhaenyra was a style icon in Westeros, preferring purple and maroon colors, Myrish lace, diamonds and pearls? The showrhaenyra wore garbage bags in the first season and cheap robes in the second.

Every time any fans support changes to the show and insist that the show is more canon than the book, they insult the true Rhaenyra.

This is the true Rhaenyra Targaryen. She and only she.

Not Milly, not Emma. Their character is a terrible daughter, wife, mother, sister, friend and queen. Sara and Ryan wrote their own fanfic and made show about it. And in a freak accident, they gave the characters in the show the same names that GRRM gave the characters in his books.

[renthony]

🏳️‍🌈

(Drop a 🏳️‍🌈 in my inbox and I’ll respond with a queer media recommendation!)

Disenchantment is probably the least-popular creation of Simpsons & Futurama creator Matt Groening, but I think that's a damn shame, because it kicks total ass. I think everyone was expecting "medieval Futurama," but it very quickly developed its own, narrative-driven vibe. This show has a long-term story. I'm re-watching it from the beginning with my husband right now, and there are hints at the endgame from the very first episode. It's awesome.

The basic premise is that Princess Tiabeanie of Dreamland (called Bean for short) is trying to escape being married off for an alliance between kingdoms. Alongside an elf and a demon, she runs off and gets up to drunken hijinks before stumbling into a huge mess of magical destiny, family pacts with Hell, and invasion from a distant steampunk kingdom.

Here's the trailer:

As for why I'm recommending it as a queer show:

So many people had an issue with the line "gender is a spectrum" being spoken by a genderfucky griffin laying an egg in season one that they wrote it off entirely. I personally thought it felt more like "the writers tried to do something trans-inclusive but missed the mark a little" than "intentionally making offensive jokes", but a lot of people refused to keep watching after that, so they didn't see the show's other queer characters.

Princess Bean is canonically queer. She has casual hookups with men throughout the series, and she eventually also enters a relationship with a woman. The characters Odval and Sorcerio are in a romantically-committed gay relationship throughout the whole show, and they have mixed-gender swinger orgies for fun. The series ends with an on-screen MLM marriage. The happily-ever-after shows two different canon queer pairings (one MLM, one WLW) happy and in love. It's great.

If you gave up on it/didn't bother with it because it seemed like it would be just another offensive crappy adult cartoon, please give it another shot. The story has all kinds of wild twists, there are multiple hot evil women, we get to see a shitty father actively learn how to do better by his kids, and the show is led by a gender-nonconforming, awkward, angry young queer woman who does drugs and drinks and makes bad decisions and has mommy issues that are literally from hell. I fucking love her.

Ask For a Rec | Other Media Recommendations | Support Links

[gay-disabled-characters-showdown]

LGBTQ+ Disabled Characters Showdown Round 3, Wave 2, Poll 9

A character being totally canon LGBTQ+ and disabled was not required to be in this competition. Please check qualifications and propaganda before asking why a character is included. 

Check out the other polls in this wave and prior here.

Lan Wangji-The Untamed / Mo Dao Zu Shi

Qualifications:

Canonically gay, pretty heavily coded as autistic (esp in the show)

Additional qualifications by @lovewanxian : I would like to add that Lan Wangji also has extremely extensive scarring on his back from getting whipped 33 times and spent an extended amount of time bedridden because of it

Propaganda:

He's an absolute badass - in a series full of morally ambiguous or outright immoral characters, he's one of the only people around to consistently show he's reliable, honorable and strong. Some examples include Lan Wangji defending Wei Wuxian, his love interest and eventual husband, against his own clan and other clans because WWX went against their rules and tried to save innocent people, or LWJ raising WWX's adopted son for years and being a great father and mentor to him. While LWJ isn't *technically* canonically autistic, (not that this word would exist in the setting), he has flat affect, fixates on rules and his difficulty in understanding people's emotions is explicitly brought up and a minor plot point.

Wylan Van Eck-Six of Crows

Qualifications:

Wylan has dyslexia (heavily implied, but not outright said bc setting) and is gay,

Dyslexic and gay!

They are in a adorable m/m relationship, and also have severe dyslexia to the point that (when eight) he could not read or write despite formal education

Wylan is gay and dyslexic!

Propaganda:

Wylan and Jesper have the absolute cutest relationship. Also, Wylan has dyslexia. I don't think it was outright said, but that was heavily implied. It just couldn't be set out loud for the sake of maintaining the fantasy setting. He's such a good character, and is primarily known for his skill with explosives, not his struggles with reading and writing. The other protagonists also never judge him for it, and the only character who does is the kind of person 90% of readers want to kill by the end of the series.

His boyfriend Jesper helped him fake being able to read so they could beat Wylan's shitty dad.

- He's incredibly sweet - But can also be ok with murder sometimes, like when killing unconscious people wasn't good - so just wake them up. - He was thrown out of the house and his father tried to kill him, because of said dyslexia, but managed to survive. Then rebelled against his father and with the help of friends took down his empire - He is very talented at the flute. And can draw very well, along with being a great chemist and demolition experts (hired for making flash bombs and other cool shit-) - Helps break into a world-class prison, then blushes the entire time because the person he's pared with keeps flirting with him - Asks his (eventual boyfriend) if he's into guys. Then immediately gets flustered when Jesper picks it up - Is very rich heir (due to shenanigans) and there's a one-off line about this sweet bean kind of being a sugar daddy- (just gives his boyfriend money to do stocks with, to stop him from gambling) - Supports his boyfriend throughout his gambling addiction and tries to help him overcome it

Wylan is dyslexic and because of this written off as stupid by his father. However, he is actually a genius, especially with chemicals, and he uses his genius and his new band of misfit friends to take his father down and read him for filth in front of a whole bunch of important people. He is good at making things explode. He also nabs himself a hot boyfriend in the process so good for him!

The qualifications and propaganda paragraphs correspond, @wisheduponastar is the third submitter.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

https://www.tumblr.com/stagefoureddiediaz/762753972313440256/now-convinced-that-ramon-used-to-have-a-stache-and?source=share

I actually love this idea, but it feels like it's delaying his coming out again😭 I don't want another sudden article popping up out of nowhere with Ryan saying Eddie is straight😅

(I'm feeling quite elated and calm after the episode, but I can sense a new spiral incoming soon, lol)

I very much doubt we’ll be seeing another one of those articles - Ryan has changed the way he talks about Eddie and relationships - he’s clearly stated he’s working on himself through 8a and has switched to gender neutral pronouns when referring to potential future romance.

The stache will be gone in episode 6 and in reality a massive chunk of Eddie’s ability to accept or confront (or whatever descriptor you want to use) his queerness stems from the Helena of it all - that is the part of Eddie’s queer journey that is going to be the most difficult, angsty and heart breaking. I say this because Eddie figuring out who he is without Chris is about Eddie figuring out who he is full stop - he was around 11 when he got pushed into this pseudo husband and father role by Helena - that’s. Th rage that you really truly begin to figure out who you are and that was denied to Eddie. So Chris is a small fraction of that Eddie figuring out who he is - he cannot figure out his queerness until he actually accepts Helena has messed him up and denied him the chance to become who he truly is. He is still in denial about it but I think hot priest and (hopefully) Maddie can help him with that.

Eddie going to church - trying to find it in religion but actually finding Hot priest - who in the same way he helped bobby see where the root of his issues were can help Eddie See Helena is the root of the problem.

Maddie can help him because she has a similar experience - she was denied much of her childhood and forced to grow up and look after Buck because her parents weren’t. For her that led to an abusive relationship whilst for Eddie it led to his continuing poor treatment and gaslighting by Helena and to the poor treamtment of Shannon. So she is ideally placed to help him with some of that really difficult stuff (they also parallled them in s5)

Once he’s recognised it and begun dealing with it it will take some time to untangle and process etc but it can be done in 6-7 episodes (they did his breakdown in fewer - technically 5 from point of actual breakdown) which then leads him into a queer arc for a few episodes and gets him to his coming out - however that looks - around the end of 8a - which is where most of us expected it to fall along with chris’s return (although early 8b also works for this) - with buddie canon in early 8b.

Basically the timeframe hasnt changed just the order in which he deals with things and the size I’ve the various aspects - mommy issues bigger chunk queer aspect small chunk because Eddie’s actually wrestling with the thing that prevented him from knowing and accepting his queerness rather than the being queer itself. It’s great representation if it plays out this way!

[marlasbreastlump]

assorted f fight club designs!!! emo haired marlon for tylerstesticles

closeups and rambles under cut

before meeting taylor/tyler f narrator would mostly conform to standards for women both internally and externally. she would shave, keep her hair long, dress feminine but i dont think she would invest a lot of time in things like makeup (excluding foundation and such for fight club bruises) or diets. she would be self conscious about her appearance a lot, and would have beauty products but i dont see her consistently using them.

in my mind she collects kitchenware because 1. she expects to get married and take on the caretaking mother/wife role and 2. its less expensive than furniture (insurance call center salary). she could collect makeup. i see her as being pretty insecure that she isn’t married by 30 but doesn’t really want a boyfriend/husband.

as she spends more time with taylor she would adopt taylors masculine characteristics both because of taylor’s ideology and because narrator wants to be taylor.

despite marlon never having sex with taylor, narrator would harbor more resentment for him than regular narrator does for marla.

she would also hate her boss so much more. her boss would see her as daughter-substitute as well as a woman (inherent object to dominate) which would lead to him treating narrator with affection (from his pov) condescension and creepy undertones.

she would hate angel face less, though. still mutilates her but it’s the thought that counts.

taylor/tyler is the one who designwise changed the least. to me shes just tyler with slightly longer hair.

i might change her name bc taylor is too feminine a name for her

she would be very masculine, yes because of her whole liberate women thing but also because this is what narrator thinks is hot. i.e wearing mens clothes (obviously) being built like a brick wall, masculine mannerisms overall

this is also because she fills the same traditionally paternal roles as tyler: 1. the parent (not as nurture but teach/guide. taylor is mother and father substitute but leans more towards father substitute) 2. ideal self (not explicitly masculine but this is who narrator idealizes) 3. God.

i think project mayhem would be more explicitly homoerotic in this au because advocating for independence from men/you can get away with no-homoing relationships a lot more if its between women/??????????

primary members of project mayhem

-disenfranchised housewives (financial dependence on men)

-young women (objectification, beauty standards, etc)

-middle aged working women (undervalued female-majority jobs like nursing, too old to be valued for sex and now valued for nothing)

though taylor’s ideology would be mostly centered around liberation of women etc she would still hate women in management/power. pisses in rich people soup regardless of gender

despite his and taylors relationship being healthier(????) than its canon counterpart due to them being just friends instead of hookups+????? i think taylor would still burn marlon w cigs and call him a human butt-wipe. he’d be fine with it though

he wears womens clothes from the thrift but i dont think he would act particularly feminine

in this au taylor cant steal his moms liposuction fat to make soap as i imagine he doesn’t have a great relationship with his parents

almost gets castrated by project mayhem when shits all going down

overall not that different from canon marla.

[bleeding-star-heart]

Roddacember Day 2: Feels Good

A small AU based on three things. One: Endon died a few days after a (genuine; Prandine had zero involvement) horse riding accident. Two: in the days before his death, Sharn was the one to shoot the golden arrow and team up with Jarred. Three: Since this all happened slightly earlier than the canon Shadow Lord invasion, Jarred was able to successfully steal the Belt with Sharn's help. *** "Presenting, Her Royal Highness, the Queen Dowager and Regent," the announcer exclaimed, "Lady Sharn Parsmandi." The crowd of nobles gasped in unison, clearly not having expected this turn of events, even as they parted for Sharn like a hot knife through butter. And, judging by how his jaw had dropped the minute Sharn entered the throne room, neither had that smug bastard Prandine.

A small smirk spread across Sharn's lips. Ancestors! After seven years of flattering and feigning deference towards the chief advisor, of pretending she didn't know exactly the sort of snake he was-watching him stare in disbelief as Sharn made her way towards the throne-it felt amazing. But as she ascended the dais and sat down on her late husband's throne, gracefully smoothing her skirts, the sweet taste of momentary victory fled. The road ahead would be a long one, and Sharn needed more allies if she wished to secure her unborn child's throne and protect Deltora from the Shadow Lord. So far, she had only Jarred, Endon's exiled playmate turned common blacksmith. And even Jarred's support was conditional. "Lords and ladies of the royal court," Sharn announced, smiling sweetly at each and every one of the gathered nobles. "I know there has been much talk about who will succeed my late husband, your king, following the accident." An "accident" Sharn was almost certain Prandine had arranged. If he hadn't spooked the horse himself, then one of his subordinates had done it before him. Prandine had always been power-hungry; first he'd controlled King Alton's every move. and then, after Alton's death, Prandine had switched to controlling Endon. And now, likely, judging by the way Prandine was currently glaring daggers at Sharn from his place in the crowd, he wanted the throne for himself. Unfortunately for him, Sharn had another little surprise in store. "You are worried, I know," Sharn continued, in as soothing a tone as she could manage. "My husband died young, younger than any of us expected. But rest assured: he did not die childless." Sharn stood, and framed her pregnant belly with her hands. Being only four or five months along, it had been easy to conceal her baby with loose robes. "Behold!" she cried. "My late husband's child grows inside me, the heir to the throne, the Belt, and all Deltora!" At first there was a shocked silence, as the nobles processed what they'd just heard. And then the crowd burst into cheers. Cheers which immediately fell silent as Prandine moved onto the dais, sneering at Sharn as he eyed her belly. "And what will happen when this baby king of yours is born?" he snarled. "Surely we cannot put the Belt on a newborn baby." Sharn only smiled. She had been anticipating that question; his challenge, if it could be called that, was a weak one. "Of course not," she agreed sweetly. "We will have to help him rule, just as you helped my poor husband when his father died. After all, Endon was not old enough to grow a beard when he became king." Prandine grimaced. "My lady, there is a great-" "And for that reason," Sharn declared, ignoring Prandine as she turned towards the crowd. "I have decided to take up the mantle of regent, in order to ease the burden on Prandine's shoulders." Sharn let out a little laugh before adding: "Rest assured; I have no desire to wear the Belt myself. It would be most uncomfortable, given that I am, after all, heavy with child." The crowd roared with hearty laughter, and in that moment, Sharn knew she had won. "You shall simply have to guard the Belt, Prandine, until my child is grown," she concluded. "Which you are already doing, and so well at that." It looked as if a vein was about to burst in Prandine's forehead; Sharn resisted the urge to gloat at the sight. Unbeknownst to the court, Sharn and Jarred had broken into the tower where the Belt was kept and stolen it. Prandine, as far as Sharn was aware, didn't know this. He was still searching for the "culprit" as he put it. But not publicly; to admit he'd lost the Belt would be tantamount to giving up all his power. Yes, Sharn had everything right where she wanted it. Herself on the throne, the Belt of Deltora with Jarred at his forge, and Prandine sufficiently humbled. For now, of course. But even so, she had never felt this good in all her life.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What are your favourite “Bella” moments from either your fics or the source material

My top ten Bella Swan decisions from canon.

Beyond that I love Bella deciding Jessica's the worst after the movie adventure for not wanting to hang out with her anymore, Bella's "I'll make it so my dad isn't traumatized by my disappearance" speech during the James debacle which is "I hate you dad and I'm running away!", her impassioned Switzerland speech that she honestly thinks will make the shapeshifters and Cullens get along with one another, Bella's "you're killing my buzz" when Edward's panicking post sex because she looks like she's been beaten with a baseball bat and Bella's trying to tell him it was the single greatest night of her life, Bella's speech to Jacob that "I can totally have sex with my vampire husband like any normal person" and not blinking an eye with the wolves have to literally drag him screaming out of her wedding reception, and well basically every moment.

Bella's a fucking delight and honestly, I am but a humble apprentice who cannot capture the sheer insanity of Bella Swan compared to the master of Stephanie Meyer.

I try and always fall short.

But from fics (hijacking from my and @therealvinelle's cowritten stuff as well)

Bella the Sad Fucking Clown from Blue Moon

Bella thinks she's having sex with Edward, that he's inviting her to his house to have sex or at least get closer to having sex. Bella takes this very seriously and decides to make herself look sexy with makeup. Trouble is, Bella has 0 experience applying makeup and ends up looking like a clown.

The worse trouble is that Edward wasn't there to have sexy with Bella: the plan is Bella's now having sex with his father.

Bella gets dropped off by Edward to fuck his dad while dressed as a sad sad clown.

(She decides to have rebound sex anyway and convinces Carlisle into this by being too pathetic to function.)

Bella I Need to Pass My Classes but Oh No I Put in No Effort from Painting Red Madonnas

Bella fucks up and signs up for the wrong class. Bella then proceeds to forget she's actually taking the class and ends up failing it both to her absurd lack of talent as well as the fact that she stopped doing any work in class.

She then proceeds to move in with the aliens so she can... save Marcus... maybe... it's unclear.

Bella the Aliens Want Me to Get Pregnant from The Less Than Immaculate Conception (by me and @therealvinelle)

Bella concludes from Marcus being in the right roman baths (while Bella's in the wrong one) that Marcus must want to sleep with her because his alien overlords want to study human intercourse/get her pregnant with a weird mutant alien baby.

Bella decides this is a great idea and proceeds to have sex with Marcus.

Marcus thinks she wants sex because she's a virgin and her only other option are creepy dudes at frat parties.

Bella Everyone Killed Jacob from And Then There Were None (by me and @therealvinelle)

Unable to cope with the idea of parting with Jacob or Jacob's suspiciously timed death, Bella proceeds to blame her entire family, including Edward, and murders them all. When she's shown proof that her family did not, in fact, murder Jacob and it was all a tragic accident she decides that they made her kill them because they made her think they killed Jacob.

She then proceeds to kill everyone else for killing Jacob.

Bella's Impassioned Speech from For the Love of a Woman (bu me and @therealvinelle)

At the end of the story Bella has learned things about not letting your romantic relationships define you. She's learned so many things. She's also learned that being hot and a vampire is amazing and solved all her problems.

She kind of lost the thread of that speech somewhere in there.

Bella "Let's Form a Polycule" and "Jacob, I've Come Up with a Brilliant Plan to Murder Esme" in Leech in the Rain (by me and @therealvinelle)

In the emotional fallout of Bleach on the Brain (by @therealvinelle) Bella looks to Jacob for emotional support as Edward... isn't doing so well. She decides that she and Jacob and Edward have always been in a polycule because uh emotions and needing each other and emotions. Bella convinces exactly 0 people that this is a legitimate and non-toxic relationship. Bonus points that Carlie gets to hear about this from Renee.

Also a winner, Bella's plan to kill Esme that backfires horribly when Jacob ends up dying instead.

Bella "I'm in Love with Hong Bellamy" from The Seventh Seal

Bella decides she's in love with what, to her, looks like a supernatural god-like pretty boy who can tell the future among other things. She's actually fallen in love with an almost personalityless alien, derived from her own soul, who is sick and tired of her bullshit and just wants to make a baby in a cave.

Bella then gets upset when said alien doesn't tell her the truth about being an alien but later elopes with him and becomes a vampire (much to Carlisle's infinite distress).

Bella "Renesmee is Really Ruining this Vacation" from Last Christmas (by me and @therealvinelle)

Bella loses her three-year-old daughter at the airport, said daughter is then held hostage by the Volturi. Bella decides this is all Renesmee's fault, she clearly wanted to be lost then kidnapped, and that she's singlehandedly destroying the family out of her self-centered actions.

Bella "I'm Not Cheating on Edward" and "Oh my god, does Edward actually love me?!" from Dark Fantasies/Writhing Coils (by me and @therealvinelle)

Upon realizing she's been bamboozled by a shapeshifting tentacle hentai monster, Bella has to justify to herself whether or not this was cheating and decides it's not because she's helping a poor creature and the Cullens would definitely do the same if informed. For a variety of reasons, the Cullens don't get informed, Edward makes Hentai monster's acquaintance and Bella then wonders given Edward's response if he's actually attracted to her at all. She then slides into a deep depression where she dislikes the tentacle monster (she quickly forgets about this the next time she and tentacle monster meet but not before she explodes with tentacle hentai squid larvae)

Bella's "Carlisle is wrong! Sex is amazing!" and "Maybe Carlisle was right :/ Sex kind of sucks" from Prima Nocta (by me and @therealvinelle)

Bella and Edward get talked into sleeping with Tanya and Eleazar. Bella briefly feels very liberated and sexually awakened and is appalled that Edward's curmudgeny unenlightened father is upset about this. Later, Eleazar sleeps with Edward in front of her roleplaying as Edward and Carlisle (Bella is a sexy lamp) and Bella's feelings do an abrupt one-eighty.

[swanmaids]

End of Year Fic Recs

Recommend up to 5 series or multi-chapter fics from 2023 that everyone should read (multi-year WIPs count, if the last update was in 2023).

Recommend up to 5 single chapter fics/one-shots (long or short) from 2023 that everyone should read.

Recommend up to 5 fics NOT from 2023 that everyone should read (oldies but goodies).

Recommend up to 5 of your own fics (completed or WIP) from 2023 that everyone should read.

I've cheated a little and done 4 multichaps and 6 oneshots, soweee, I hope you can all forgive me. Also yes all my self recs are E-rated, not soweee

5 Series/Multichapter Fics

Shall these bones live by @undercat-overdog; m, cntw, 100k+, in progress, celebrimbor/sauron {got me onto the silvergifting train. gorgeous worldbuilding and dialogue.}

Swanmaiden by @wonderwafles ; g, nawa, 3k+, in progress, elwing/earendil {not just recommending for the title! perfect baby peredhil feelings.}

What the water gave me by @imakemywings; m, cntw, 27k, finduilas/nienor {canon. to meeeee. tender and healing.}

Ungoliant’s Bane by @polutrope ;g, nawa, 3k, earendil & eltwins, maglor & eltwins {great integration of early canon, great peredhil family}

5 One-Shots

Compass by @slightnettles; m, rape/noncon, 4k, morwen/aerin {incredible tribute to this underrated character.}

Ice Glossary by @sallysavestheday; g, nawa, 2k, fingon/maedhros, turgon/elenwe, fingon & turgon {excellent original concept and carried off perfectly.}

Less Wise by @meadowlarkx; e, nawa, 6k, f!maglor/f!thranduil {hot and angsty and gorgeous}

prick a finger, cut your hand by @welcomingdisaster, e, nawa, 3k, indis/miriel {impeccable sexy dyke drama}

submersible by @jouissants; t, nawa, >1k, maglor/uinen {unhinged, sexy, atmospheric horror in under 1000 words.}

A Thing That Sustains by @searchingforserendipity25; g, nawa, 2k, idril & anaire, idril & turgon & elenwe {perfect idril portrayal, every line hits.}

5 Oldies but Goodies

all they had to lend by gogollescent; g, cntw, 2k, elwing/earendil {beautiful bittersweet war of wrath fic}

Si la mar fuera de leche by chestnut_pod, t, nawa, 23k, elwing & elros, elros/wife {numenor worldbuilding and peredhil feels}

A Life's Work by @elwing; g, nawa, 2k, dirhavel {great understated portrayal of an underrated tragic character}

Sins of the Father by @zealouswerewolfcollector; t, nawa, 4k, turgon & nolofinweans {wonderful painful nolofinwean angst}

Finrod/Sauron One Thousand and One Nights AU by meadowlarkx; e, cntw, 27k+, in progress, finrod/sauron {lovely prose, hot, amazing characterisation}

5 Self Recs

one of your girls; e, nawa, 5k, celegorm/orome {celegorm, orome, and a dress. lowkey think it's my best fic}

the salt in the wound; e, cntw, 4k, luthien/curufin's wife {evil girl scissoring, also known as that fic with the knife handle}

we may rehearse most obscenely; e, nawa, 3k, celegorm/orome/vana {what if puck got spitroasted by oberon and titania... also known as celegorm, orome, and vana spend some time together.}

devoted to the sea; e, nawa, 3k, earendil/elwing, earendil/mermaids {attempting to apply bolt canon to silm canon for sexy purposes}

ebb and flow; e, nawa, 4k, earendil/elwing {my first e-rate, earendil is a very attentive husband to his pregnant wife :)}

I'll tag everyone who's been mentioned in this!

[mysticalprincesskitten]

Aegon II Targaryen X OFC // Part 2

Disclaimer/Trigger warnings: MDNI, smut, oral sex (m), Season 2 non-compliant, dragonriding as foreplay, canon misogyny, aegon is pretty possessive in this fic, Targcest, OC is Viserys and Aemma's daughter, OC is named Daenerys because I love my OC being the second Daenerys in ASOIAF after Alysanne's daughter, OC looks like Elizabeth Olsen.

Part One here:

The singers would go on to craft ballads about the great love of King Aegon and Queen Daenerys long after the Dance of the Dragons. There is little doubt the queen loved her husband, though in truth her true love may well have been her dragon. Princess Daenerys bonded with the Grey Ghost shortly after her ninth nameday during a visit Dragonstone with the rest of the royal family. King Viserys decreed that his children could attempt to claim one of the dragons from the Dragonmont — provided they were “bold enough.” Prince Aegon claimed the young dragon Sunfyre, a splendid beast with golden scales and pale-pink wing membranes. Many expected Princess Daenerys to choose one of the hatchlings, or perhaps Silverwing, former mount of the Good Queen Alysanne, as the princess had been named for Queen Alysanne's eldest daughter who tragically died in infancy. But it was the Grey Ghost, a shy and reclusive dragon by all accounts, who bore the princess into the sky that day, to the delight of her father, the king.

-- Archmaester Gyldayn, The Dying of the Dragons

Though she rested in the comfortable bedchambers of her childhood, Princess Daenerys felt anything but a child as she fought to find sleep that night.

Aegon’s touch had branded her. Her blood felt impossibly hot, boiling beneath her skin. And the pleasure… What had happened as he ground his thigh against her, that indescribable ascent to liquefying ecstasy…

What was that?

Daenerys wondered dimly if only Aegon was capable of making her body do that, if he knew some secret trick from his frequent visits to the brothels of Flea Bottom. Could any other man in the realm make her see stars like Aegon could?

No. She only wanted Aegon. Her betrothed, her blood. We are the blood of the dragon, like Rhaenyra and Daemon. We are meant for each other.

He hated her, he scared her, and yet…

And yet…

Daenerys lay awake long into the night, until the stars were her only companions.

Her stepmother wasted little time the following morning establishing control of the wedding celebrations and, by proxy, Daenerys herself.

The Hightower queen invited Daenerys and Aegon to break their fast together in the royal chambers. Father would not be joining them. The king was still too weary to leave his bed. Daenerys felt her heart ache. He is wasting into nothing more and more as the days pass.

“Lords from across the Seven Kingdoms will be in attendance,” Alicent explained to her, “all of whom will rejoice to see yourself and Aegon wed at last.”

At last. Daenerys didn’t miss the snipe in her stepmother’s tone. I am here now, am I not?

Just then, Aegon graced them with his presence, strolling into the hall and slumping in his seat with nary a word to either of them. He stunk of wine and misery. He sank into his cups last night. Wine had always been Aegon's undoing. Daemon hadn't lied, it seemed, when he told her the prince's drunkard ways had only worsened.

“I was just informing Princess Daenerys of the current arrangements for your wedding day,” Alicent greeted.

Aegon grunted.

Alicent sniffed disapprovingly.

And because Daenerys fell into old rhythms easily, she intervened before Alicent could scold Aegon and send him him further sinking into his black mood.

“I wish to ride Grey Ghost to the Great Sept on the day of our wedding.”

Alicent frowned. “I appreciate your honor of Targaryen tradition, though I worry it will only cause disturbance to the day.”

“I am sure any such disturbances would be minor.”

“The festivities have been arranged long in advance, princess,” the queen said firmly. “Perhaps if you had joined us in King’s Landing sooner we could have accommodated your request.”

Daenerys steeled herself. “I am a dragonrider of House Targaryen and I wish to meet my husband on dragonback.”

Alicent regarded her coldly. “I will present your case to the king.”

Daenerys deflated. Father was too frail to contest Alicent’s will. If the queen insisted Daenerys attend her wedding by carriage instead of dragon, the king would acquiesce.

“I mean to ride today,” she announced, suddenly renounced of her appetite.

“So soon after your arrival?”

“Grey Ghost is unaccustomed to King’s Landing. I would see he settles.”

“Indeed,” said Alicent. “Aegon shall accompany you.”

“What?”

“What?”

They spoke simultaneously, awkwardly avoiding the other’s eye.

“The city can be dangerous, even for a dragon. I am sure my son wishes to ensure his betrothed remains unspoiled.”

“Your concern moves me, Your Grace, though I fear it is misgiven. My dragon is the greatest guardian I could ask for.”

“Two dragons are safer than one,” Alicent insisted. “I am sure the time together will do you both well.”

Already the spider had spun its trap, caging her in its web. Was this her life from now on? Ruled by the whims of the scheming Hightower queen?

Daenerys said nothing as they finished their meal, lost to fear as her future under Alicent Hightower’s command waved before her, a bleak sea with black waves.

Even Alicent Hightower could not sap the joy from her morning ride, thank the gods.

Grey Ghost was unsettled when she attended him in the Dragonpit, roaring and thrashing, daunting even the Dragonkeepers, who had tended to the Targaryen dragons since the days of Old Valyria. Daenerys barely had time to strap herself into the saddle before her dragon was moving, scrabbling from the cavernous Dragonpit and hastily taking wing. She faintly heard Sunfyre’s lilting cry behind them.

Instinct bade Grey Ghost to head for Dragonstone. Daenerys urged him gently away from Blackwater Bay and back towards the city. Sunlight glinted against the rooftops as they wheeled across King’s Landing a few times, before she guided him inland and south towards the kingswood.

Another melodic cry rang out; Daenerys turned in the saddle and saw a familiar golden beast rising in the sky, scales a jeweled hide that caught the sun and scattered its rays like nectar. Sunfyre called out again. To her mild surprise, Grey Ghost rumbled a greeting in return.

With Aegon and Sunfyre tailing them, Daenerys flew Grey Ghost at rapid speed away from the city and towards the kingswood, eager for respite from the city. Sunfyre caught up with her beneath a veil of clouds; she glimpsed Aegon’s grin, felt the silent invitation. Dare to race? It had been one of their favorite activities as children.

She was exhilarated by the thrill of flight, the dragon within her purring — or was that Grey Ghost? Sometimes it felt as though they were one. She felt his contentment now. Sunfyre’s presence emboldened him.

She leaned forward, gripping the saddle handles. “Selagon, Grey Ghost!”

The wild dragon screeched and lurched forward, wings beating the air, a thunderstorm come to life.

Grey Ghost and Sunfyre were equal in size, strength and speed. The maesters suspected both dragons were of the same age, although nobody was quite sure when exactly Grey Ghost hatched -- the wild dragon was born outside of the Targaryen hatcheries somewhere in the cliffs of Dragonstone. Sunfyre gained on them, keeping pace with Grey Ghost as they raced through the sky.

But Daenerys was the more experienced rider. She’d flown everyday on Dragonstone, thrice as much as Rhaenyra and her nephews. Using the clouds as cover, Daenerys urged Grey Ghost higher, looping over Sunfyre and disappearing into the clouds with Grey Ghost’s pale scales a shroud concealing them both. She heard Sunfyre call out again, this time mournful and questioning. Where did you go? Then another, a petulant growl this time. Come back!

She let Aegon worry for a heartbeat, then dove from the clouds behind Sunfyre; Grey Ghost gently lashed the golden dragon’s hind with his tail, trilling a greeting, then wheeled and took off again with more thunderous flaps of his great grey wings.

She laughed, wild and unbidden. Sunfyre and Grey Ghost sang to each other as the dragons looped together in the sky, gold and grey streaks of movement, like the sun had shattered and birthed a rainfall of stars. Both of them hurtled to reach the finishing line — a hillside in the midst of the kingswood, just large enough for both dragons to land.

Everything felt right; Grey Ghost beneath her, Sunfyre ahead, Aegon’s laugh in the wind...

I have been asleep. Only now have I awoken.

So focused on her destination, Daenerys didn’t notice Sunfyre slip away. Suddenly she was painfully aware of the lack of gold in the sky, the empty cold of Aegon’s absence. Grey Ghost called out. She looked around quickly.

Where have you gone?

Something collided with them. Daenerys cursed herself as Sunfyre soared past them, descending at the finish line first.

“That was not fair!” She yelled at Aegon, unbuckling herself from the saddle as soon as Grey Ghost landed and marching towards her grinning betrothed. “You used my own maneuver against me!”

“What can I say? You are a proficient teacher.” He caught her waist and pulled her to him. “I won. What is my prize?”

She glared. “You cheated.”

“I did no such thing! You said it yourself, I merely used your own tricks against you. Bested by your own methods. How does it feel, sweet sister?”

She grumbled.

Aegon laughed. “You always were a sore loser.” He nuzzled into her neck. “Maybe I will let you win on the way back.”

“Let me win,” she scoffed. “I do not need your sympathy, dear brother. We both know I am the better rider.”

“You still lost though, didn’t you?”

She stamped her foot, feeling childish but too frustrated to contain herself.

Aegon laughed again and gazed at her adoringly. “Very well. You are the superior rider, sweet sister. Does that please you to hear?”

He was so warm against her, so firm and unyielding. My husband. Blood of the dragon.

“It does please me,” she said softly. “You please me.”

Aegon softened, eyes shining wetly.

A daring she’d never known before possessed Daenerys. Exhilarated by their race, and the blissful absence of anyone else besides them and their dragons, Daenerys palmed Aegon’s breeches and withdrew his hot, hard length.

Aegon hissed. “Nerys…”

“Let me please you,” she whispered.

She had never see a man’s parts before. Such lewd sights were inappropriate for an unwed princess, according to her septa. She did not know what she’d expected — if indeed she had expected anything. He was hot in her palm. He fits perfectly. Like we were made for each other. Indulging a newfound curiosity, Daenerys stroked the reddened tip, feeling soft skin beneath her questioning fingers.

Aegon let out a moan that was pure music.

The dragon within her purred. Or was that Grey Ghost again? She could not tell. Fire boiled her blood, desire overtaking her senses; desire to make her beloved feel good, to incite another musical moan.

She sank softly to her knees and cautiously tasted him with a flick of her tongue.

Aegon growled, fingers tangling in her curls. “Fucking hell,” he groaned, “where, sweet sister, did you learn to do that?”

He pulled her further onto him until his cock was sheathed in her mouth.

“Did you let some filthy peasant or lesser lord spoil you for me?”

She looked up at him through wet eyes that still somehow conveyed her annoyance, digging her nails into his bare thighs for good measure.

Aegon only laughed at the pain. He gazed at her like she was the most precious thing he’d ever seen. Finally, the layers of resentment peeled away, leaving the boy she remembered, her Aegon, who adored her and would never harm her.

“Fuck… You are a dream… Mine…”

He thrust inside her mouth again and again, making her gag and choke. She refused to break eye contact the whole time, however. Her nails left gouges in his skin. Good. Then he shall know he is mine as well.

Aegon tightened his grip in her silver curls. “Ah… My perfect girl... A gift from the gods themselves..."

Experimentally, she hollowed her cheeks and sucked, welcoming his onslaught. Aegon gasped. "I'm almost there, sweet sister. Do not waste a drop."

His thrusts grow wilder, more erratic. He spilled inside her mouth just as Sunfyre gives a shuddering roar. Instinctively she swallowed.

"I cannot wait to fuck you." Aegon scooped her in his arms and clasped her tightly.

"Save yourself for our wedding night," she said playfully.

His hand cupped her face gently, and he looked at her with such wonder it snatched the air from her lungs. "I am dreaming. You are too perfect to be real."

She smiled, turning to nip at his hand mischievously. "Is that real enough for you?"

Aegon kissed them. Behind them, Sunfyre and Grey Ghost sang to each other, reunited at last.

[helaelaemond]

50 Helaemond Kisses

day 7 - to shut them up

Based on this canon divergence brainrot - Helaena has been married to Jace who is a good and kind husband. She has spent years with him and Rhaenyra and the family on Dragonstone, and has returned to Kings Landing with them for the hearing of Vaemond Velaryon's petition for Driftmark.

NSFW.

They stare at each other across the hall. Aemond towers over Aegon, a looming presence between his elder brother and his mother with his hands clasped behind his back. Helaena stands just behind Daemon at Jace's side. The family around her wears black and red, but she sparkles in bright blue. Not the Velaryon blue of her lord husband, but something lighter, something brighter. Something akin to sapphire.

She knows what lurks beneath the leather of her brother's eye patch. His hot gaze rakes over her and she shivers. The memory of their last meeting has haunted her for the two years since they were parted. How she had looked out of the carriage window as it pulled out of the courtyard and had seen Ser Criston holding Aemond back with all of his strength. The last time Aemond had seen her, she had been crying.

When Father makes his way into the hall in defence of Rhaenyra, it is a curious sight. He is bent over in pain, and his face is more ghastly than it had been last. She watches in curiosity when Daemon slips to help him and places the golden crown on his head. Would Aemond do the same for Aegon, if it came to it? Will Aegon do the same for Rhaenyra?

She looks back at Aemond. Aemond's hard stare has turned to Lucerys on her sister's other side.

"Her children are bastards!" Vaemond roars. Helaena flinches. "And she... is a whore."

The words echo through the hall for a generation. Across the distance, Aemond grins.

When Daemon splits the man's skull in two, it is overwhelming. The sight and sounds are too much, they're too much, it makes her blood too thick for her veins and there is pressure in her ears that she cannot bear and her bones suddenly feel like they are swelling out of her skin-

Her neck hurts when she turns away and presses her fingers into her ears. Over the white noise, she hears her breathing. In, out, in, out. Just like Aemond used to help her focus on, in and out. Focus on what is real. The floor beneath her feet, the dust at the base of the column in front of her eyes. Suddenly it is all that she needs to worry about. There is no dead man before them, no blood dribbling into the cracks. There is only the dust on the floor, and her laboured breathing. Out of the corner of her eye, she notices Jacaerys shift his position so that he is shielding her with his body. The red at the edges of her vision disappears. In her imagination, it is a man taller and fairer than he that protects her.

The king, her father, leaves, and so too does her panic. Her heartrate returns to normal, and her sight returns, and she blinks.

"Are you well?" Daemon asks her quietly.

Wincing, Helaena nods.

Across the hall, Aemond's eye burns into her.

---------

It was nice to dance with her husband. Everyone is enjoying the evening, and even her grandfather is smiling. He claps for her when she dances with Jace, and Jace makes her happy. It's a dance they haven't done for a while, and he misses a few of the steps and stumbles, and she catches his hand and laughs.

Aemond has turned his chair to watch them. He has not said a word to her since her arrival. Since they discovered that their letters were intercepted, he has not shared a single thought with her. It's been years.

"Final tribute!" His voice cracks like a whip and the music stops. Just the sound of his voice feels like home. It's deeper than last she heard it. How she yearns to hear it quietly against her ear, to feel it ghost across her skin. There are butterflies in her stomach, and a heat between her legs. But no, she mustn't think like this. Jace is her husband, and he is a good man.

Aemond is turning into a great man. She knows that some day, somehow, he will be a terrible one, too.

"... three strong boys."

Ah. Perhaps he does want peace. The corners of his lips quirk up and it makes her smile. He looks so very beautiful with his cup raised, the attention of the room on him. She claps quietly.

"I dare you to say that again," Jace answers angrily. It confuses her.

"Why? Do you not think yourself strong?"

Her eyes go wide when Jace swings his arm and launches a punch on her brother's face. It makes her mouth open in surprise, and then suddenly her husband is sent flying to the floor at her feet, and she jumps back. He scrambles up with a snarl and flies at him. Helaena's heart is in her throat and tears burn her eyes. Whatever Daemon does or says, she doesn't notice. Daemon is not safe, Rhaenyra is not safe. Perhaps even Aemond is not.

Grandfather is. Around the edges of it all, Helaena goes to him and he strokes her arm comfortingly, letting her turn herself away from everyone else.

"Why are they doing this?" she breathes. Why is peace not an option?

Otto shakes his head slightly. He doesn't have an answer for her, and instead he watches for her. The sound of Aemond leaving makes her turn around. Oh, how she hates that man. Oh, how she loves him.

"Go to your rooms," Rhaenyra orders with her hand on her belly. "All of you."

"Go," Otto encourages Helaena quietly. She nods, but leaves through one of the servants' doors instead of following her husband.

At last, some peace. The servants' corridor is cool and familiar and quiet. There is much less light in here than the dining hall that had been bathed in orange flame, and the soft darkness wraps around her like a blanket. Not oppressive, just comforting. She walks down the corridor that she learned as a child and twenty paces down, the latch of the familiar door comes into her hand. Looking up and down the corridor to check no one sees, she slips through it and closes it behind her.

Only the rats watch her.

If memory serves, this passage will take her, eventually, down to the water gardens. It will be nice to be in the fresh air after the fire of the day. The clouds were heavy today, but perhaps they've cleared now and she'll see the stars. It's much darker in this passage, she can barely see anything, and only holding onto the wall gives her any sense of direction. But the stairs aren't steep, and her feet remember the way, anyway.

Two flights of stairs, the first left turn, ignore the next three rights, and tight spiral staircase. Her fingers glide over the stone walls, and the further she goes, the calmer she is. Until there is a shadow.

A tall figure that only noticeable because what little light reaches here is blocked out by it.

"No Strong boy with you, sister?"

The voice sends a shiver down her spine. Her steps falter and her breath catches. "It's you."

"It's me."

A strange sensation fills her body. Part of her wants to flee, to run from the shadow and find safety alone in the gardens. But another part tells her to remain. This is her sweet brother, after all. The boy she has loved for as long as she has lived, the boy who was her best friend and constant companion until circumstance - or design - ripped them apart.

She doesn't know what to say. And he is angry.

"I... I missed you."

"You didn't visit." In the silence of the corridor, his footsteps echo. They come closer.

"Neither did you."

"Hmm."

Suddenly there is a hand on her waist and he presses her against the wall. His body is long and lithe and hard, clad in cold leather. Her eyes close and without needing to think, her hands find their place on his chest.

"Don't," she protests softly. Between the wall and the man, she presses more tightly against flesh than stone.

"How have you been?" he asks softly.

"I have been..." How has she been? She has been married. She has been cared for. She has been content. And she has been so desperately lonely. "Looked after."

"Your kidnappers have kept you well?" he asks. He runs his nose along her neck and up to her ear, earning him a soft sight. She clutches at his shoulders. "Do you love them yet?"

"One cannot be kidnapped by family."

"Ah, then I shall remember that." His hands are larger than before. His legs are stronger than before. She knows that when his fingers dig into her back, and his knee presses between her thighs.

"What?"

"When I capture you and keep you locked away. I shall tell them that you agreed you could not be kidnapped by family."

When he sucks her earlobe, she whines quietly. "Aemond, we can't-"

"Why?" The word is drawn out in a hot breath.

"My husband, he-"

"A bastard." Aemond's mouth moves up to bite the shell of her ear. "It should have been me."

"But it's not." Despite her protests, her hands find their way to the clasp at his throat and she pulls it open. Desperately, she pushes her fingers against the warm skin there, and the clouds before heaven part. Yes, there he is. There is bliss.

He groans softly against her ear. "Lae."

Lae. That's what he used to call her. He had said that Hel was no fitting name for her, not when she was his delight. So he called her Lae, his own secret name for her. The memory rushes back to her throat, making it difficult to breathe.

"Aemond, we can't!"

"I have to have you." He kisses the slope of her neck and it makes her head drop to the side.

"You're driving me mad. Since I saw you across the hall, it's all I can do but think of having you again." He takes her wrist and drags her hand between his legs, and she can feel the hardness there. It makes her stomach drop in excitement. "I know you want me like you always have."

She tries to shake her head but it is half-heated. She palms him over his trousers and fumbles with the laces. "I took vows."

"You broke them once before." He pulls up her skirts and suddenly his hands are under her thick thighs, wrapping them around his waist. He presses her against the wall and their hips grind together, making them both moan quietly. "Break them again."

"Has there been anyone else?" she asks desperately. She needs to know. Needs to know that she is still the only one.

With his forehead against her shoulder, Aemond groans again. He is strong enough to hold her with one hand, and with the other, he pushes his breeches down, freeing his cock. "No one. Only you. It's always only you."

When he presses his cock against her cunt, there is no hiding how desperate she is for him. From the moment she heard his voice at dinner, she has been hot and wet and ready. "Only me?"

One thrust forward, and he is lost. So, too, is she. "I fuck my hand every night thinking of you, Lae. I dream of unleashing Vhagar on Dragonstone and killing your bastard husband and taking you."

"Don't do that," she moans. Her arms are tight around his shoulders. She pulls herself up slightly and tilts her hips so that his ever thrust grinds against her, hard.

"Why? Do you love him?"

"Yes."

"Tell me you love me more."

She pulls on his long, white strands and shoves his eyepatch off. There's not enough light to see the sapphire, but her fingers find the scar, the stone. "You," she pants. "Always you more. The most."

"Do you think of me when he fucks you?"

Helaena nods. "He's always gentle. He's never enough. All I want is- gods, yes! All I want is you!"

That makes Aemond thrust harder, deeper. The sound of skin against skin is obscene and it echoes down the secret hallways and stairwells.

"They stole me from you," he grunts. "When they found us together, I wanted to- oh, Lae, fuck- wanted to kill them. To make you stay. You're mine."

"Mine," she whimpers.

"All these years without you have been agony. I spend my days alone and missing you, and nights thinking of how to take you back, and-"

She silences him with a searing kiss. Their first kiss since their first and last night together. His lips immediately part and his tongue presses into her mouth hungrily. It's like he needs to claim every part of her, taste every inch of her, leave no part untouched. She welcomes him desperately. Their thrusts make the kisses messy and harsh and loud, and their hair gets caught between them. Sweat breaks out on their brows.

She bites his lip and sucks until she knows it will bruise. He returns the favour on her neck, leaving marks that will be difficult to hide with her dress. Good. Let the bastard see who Helaena belongs to. Let him be cuckolded and humiliated, and let her be marked as Aemond Targaryen's own love.

He is good to her, she knows. She can feel how tense he is as he nears his peak before her. He climaxes inside her with a cry that makes her shake, and his thighs tremble. With his trousers still around his legs, he drops to his knees and buries his tongue between her folds. She presses his head harder against her, and when he presses his fingers inside of her and lets his seed mingle with her slick, she tumbles after him.

It is more powerful than any sensation she has experienced before. It's like flying without a dragon, like touching the stars. It washes over her again and again and turns her blood to fire, her limbs to flame. She cries his name, swears her love, promises that she has always been his.

When the strength is gone from her, she crumples to the floor and into his arms. They pant, cling to each other while the world fades away, and pretend that nothing else exists outside of them.

After a while, Helaena finds herself back in her body again. She kisses his cheek gently, and finds it wet. "Don't cry," she soothes. But his tears make the ones gathered in her own eyes fall.

"I'm sorry," he breathes, forcing a smile. "I just missed you."

[thebreakfastgenie]

Not to ramble about Barbie lore, but like. I'm gonna.

Officially pregnant Midge is no longer a part of the Barbie canon as her children and her relationship were retconned in 2013. Allan's name has also been spelled differently over the years - he was Allan when introduced, but Alan by the time of the "Happy Family" line. Interestingly even though Al(l)an was marketed as her husband and as Ryan's (and Nikki's) father, the reason for the controversy was that Midge wasn't modeled wearing a wedding ring in the original pregnancy release. (Perhaps her fingers bloated in her late pregnancy and she was no longer able to wear it...) Also technically she was originally always modeled as Caucasian but with either red, blonde or brown hair (in her many appearances prior to the Happy Family line) but they released the African-American version of Midge for both the original Happy Family line (when she was pregnant with Nikki) and the second (Cassandra).

Alan and Ryan were sold separately as the new dad and the excited older brother along with branding that they were excited about the new baby and bonding over a "father-son picnic", while Obstetrician Barbie helped Midge with her magnetic belly.

Absolutely ramble about Barbie this is fascinating!

I remember seeing them in stores and I thought the magnetic belly was cool but I never bought one. I do remember they slapped the Happy Family logo on the Babysit Krissy game and at first I was alarmed because that was one of my favorites, but the game itself was unchanged.

Not molded with a wedding ring..... I did have a couple Barbies that had little peg rings but honestly they weren't like.... great. I can see how a wedding ring would be a pain. My grandma had to take off her wedding ring due to swelling toward the end of her pregnancy with my aunt in 1953, and the hospital staff was rude to her until they realized she was married.

Also speaking of relationship lore, when Barbie and Ken broke up they had this poll on barbie.com to vote for who Barbie should date and I voted for Ken... I think that was also when they debuted Give Ken A Hot New Look! as a game, because he was trying to win Barbie back. The Ken looks designed by lesbian elementary schooler.....

[lemonhemlock]

*viserys voice* this interminable infighting (helaemond/alysmond shipping wars) must cease! we are a family! (green fandom)

I do agree that the showrunners were intending for Helaena's kids to be Aegon's (while simultaneously setting up the building blocks for some kind of feelings between Helaemond), but I also do agree that even if the kids WERE Aemond's, it would neither ruin Aegon's grief over them OR justify B&C. All the Greens will be horrified/torn up by what happens no matter who their father is, because in the end they're family no matter what! And they're just babies! They will commit various atrocities in their names and it's going to be great (not for the smallfolk obviously but for audience (me) 💚)

It also doesn't ruin Alysmond either imo (well, I guess it kinda ruins the idea of alysmond being each others' one true loves, which. Fair ig, but personally I'm not bothered by that), and in fact it makes total sense. Aemond already toeing the line between duty and his own desires when it comes to the relationship with his sister, only to inadvertently bring great harm to her and his family, and then finally breaking his own code of honor for good as soon as a hot milf who is both similar to his mother AND sister gives him comfort. Both ships work really well together! Harmoniously, even!

At this point I hope the show makes both helaemond and alysmond canon so the fans stop the shipping war. Stop pitting two queens against each other and start making cutesy AUs where Helaena and Alys bond over their kids and magical prophecies and make fun of their Targ brother-husbands together! 💚💚💚

I agree, anon, you basically summarised my feelings on the matter. Here is my proposed strategy for ending this tiresome blood feud:

the alysmonds will get hugged until they stop acting like spicy cats

UN Security Council call me i think i just eradicated civil wars 🤙📞

[taskignored]

Archeon dynamic and the culture of the Humans

This is just a continuation of this post. Just some ideas I had to tweak the acotar world, at least on the human side of things.

So in canon the humans are matriarchal, they have queens. But this lil detail literally does nothing for canon, the only thing that is relevant to this detail is the queens who basically just show up, disagree, betray their kind, and are never really shown again (in any meaningful way iirc, it's been a hot minute since I read). Not to mention everything else is extremly patriarchal. First, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I think in the real world a matriarchal society would be more socialist. So that means a Kingdom Queendom is iffy. But this is fantasy and i reserve the right to have badass queens decked out in heavy armor roaring commands at their bloodthirsty warriors.

So instead a way this matriarchal culture can be emphasized is to first change the Archeon dynamic.

This means that mama Archeon would have been the bread winner and her husband could be some eccentric trophy husband who likes to build things (inventor if you will) and woodwork. A man who occasionally invites other fellow carpenters over to build and talk. And when he's not doing that he's talking to other wealthy men and trying to introduce their handsome sons to his very talented daughters. Nesta is still the apple of mama Archeon's eye, but instead of trying to catch a husband, she's being raised to inherent and manage the ridiculous wealth and estate of the Archeon family. Elain is a woman who is very popular and basically the socialite of the family, she sets up community gardens and was working to get a degree to show the youth how important the natural world is. Feyre was a professional child athlete, mostly in archery (surprise). As she got older she dabbled in a bit of competitive shooting with guns and had the hobby of painting, something she really enjoyed. All three daughters are very educated and older, so no illiterate baby Feyre venturing into the freezing cold (plus Feyre was/is a badass markswoman pro).

The Archeons are still a family that owns a very successful company that sells general supplies to woodsmen, only to fall on hard times when Mama Archeon makes a mistake and ends up going bankrupt. Alas, it was their lavish lifestyle that damned them, hate to see it. Anyway, Mama Archeon still gets sick after they lose the majority of their fortune leading them to lose the rest trying to treat her. They all still end up in a small, cramped house with three rooms total. Mama Archeon dies, but not before telling her children to look after eachother and to take care of their father. So now they are broke and trying to survive.

Nesta is the Head of the House being the eldest daughter. She still has connections though, so for now she works for her dear friend Clare Beddor. Elain works in a plant nursery and is a private tutor, she also still has friends and connections that don't evaporate into the aether after she and her family have fallen from grace. Feyre enters competitions to earn some money and teaches marksmanship to people who are willing to pay. The only time she hunts to survive is in the winter when times get tough. Their dad takes care of the house and occasionally takes commissions to build gizmos or fashion wood carvings for people. All of them are trying to save up to buy a new home that's a bit larger than what they are stuck in right now, no one is a slouch.

Okay, that's the Archeon situation. Now for the real stuff, which is human culture.

The humans in this au are very martial. War is almost all they know from centuries full of it.They place great importance on their warriors. Everyone is expected to know how to fight in some capacity, they should also know some of the basics of science since I think they'd be really reliant/proud of it.

Humans aren't stupid (in this instance), so I think they'd know why they have such an edge on the fairies. This would lead to them venerating iron, steel, science, and blood. And this brings up something that's really interesting, in my opinion at least. And that's culture, it shifts and changes as societies age, it's kind of it's own organism. So with that thought process, I figured that as the centuries churned past and the war dragged on, the humans changed from an enlightened race that was trying to protect their world from these aliens into these grim soldiers who almost always assume that war will always be there, waiting. They changed from a society that was focused on technology, the advancement of their race, and prosperity into one that is focused on churning out the next great general. The next innovator that'll make something to put those filthy abominations down when one crosses the wall, or when the war resumes in earnest. Since, to them, the war never really stopped, did it? They'd be surrounded by reminders in the form of their fortresses and war machines.

So how does one reflect that attitude in a society? The first idea that comes to mind is religion. They'd have churches built to the things they live with constantly, they'd have gods for these sorts of things. So there would be a god of blood, science, innovation, and war. All of these concepts have a great role in their lives which would lead to these gods being the four "major" ones, with the old ones being "forgotten" and "dead." An idea I had for this was, since they were a society that wanted prosperity for themselves in ages long past, they could see the gods of these venerated concepts as dead because the fairies killed them. These deities stopped having such a role in the publics' lives that they just kind of fell to the way side, there but gone. The priests and politicians would use the idea of these much beloved gods being dead as a way to stir the pot and rouse anger.

-The god of blood could have massive churches where they occasionally sacrifice an animal on this god's holy day or smthin. I'm just thinking of the massive cathedral in blood borne when I think of this. Basically blood is a big deal, it's the gift from the gods to protect the creatures and people of the old world from the fairy incursion. And no red blood should be spilt without a good reason. Good reasons include melting fairies and/or venerating this god via sacrifice (kinda brutal).

-The god of science could basically be the one who lobbies against magic. They teach people to learn as much as they can about the natural world, and anything magical is an insult to this god.

-The god of innovation would probably be the one to encourage experiments. If the god of science is a teacher, this one is the one applying those teachings. Think of their priests as that one chemistry teacher who seemed a little too excited to set something on fire. Unhinged scientist.

-And then the god of war. This one would mostly be associated with iron and steel, I think. Protect each other and the world. The battle priests' motto is "All's fair in war." And they take that literally, biting, scratching, kicking, it's all fair game to them. In war, I feel I should stress that.

Another way to express that attitude is to make hunters a thing. Hunters being humans who go out to cull any fairies that cross the wall. These people would be very respected, and recognized by the government as an official group/organization. They would probably venerate the god of blood and maybe an old god of the hunt.

The matriarchal angle could also be further emphasized by giving the slice of human territory that is on the island a baroness. The queens aren't going to bother with a tiny territory, they'd give it to someone else let's be fr. The territory could actually be called something. Idk what. The Halting Steps Barony since that was where Jurian made his final stand and the war halted? If someone has an idea for it pls tell me.

I'm half asleep rn so this might be edited later, just wanna post this real quick

[xmooncanary]

Phil lore? Phil lore.

His minecraft skin is literally just Urahara from Bleach

He's the hardcore man! Had a 5 year hardcore world where he died to a baby zombie (technically he actually died to a spider but the baby zombie is funnier and we all blame it on him). Still does super long-running hardcore worlds and that's most of what he streams. References to his hardcore world death are actually in the game itself (occasional home screen splash text reading "Ph1lzA had a good run!")

In lore SMPs when in-character he often refers to the Hardcore world as "Dad's train sets in the basement" or similar.

Usual Nicknames include: Dadza, Birdza, Killza, Weebza, Oldza, etc etc. Just slap -za at the end. Also Kristin's Husband, Tech Guy (on Kristin's streams), Crowfather, The Only Man Ever, Bravest Man, Philza Minecraft, Angel Of Death, etc etc. People also often refer to him as "old" because he is 33 and is generally the oldest member of different SMPs (was the oldest member of the Dream SMP and is oldest member of the SBI).

SBI stands for Sleepy Boys Inc. (or Sleepy Bois Inc.) and is a group comprised of Philza, Technoblade, Wilbur Soot, and later addition Tommyinnit. Phil is considered the dad-friend of the group, thus his dad-themed nicknames/lore.

He is Philza Minecraft because he made Minecraft alongside Hatsune Miku* (*He is very good at Minecraft)

You may occasionally hear the song "Philza Minecraft is so brave / He's the bravest man I ever met" (other verses include lines such as "Philza Minecraft is a dentist") This originated from Tommyinnit's "Colossal TNT Mod" video.

Crowfather is from Origins SMP, where he is a very literal birb man who causes mischief. Crowfather also cameo'd on Rats SMP where he was an even more literal crow and thought the mom of the house (voiced by his IRL wife, Kristin) was hot.

Father status varies depending on server/fanon but generally ranges anywhere from biological or adoptive father of one-to-three (Wilbur Soot, Tommyinnit, Technoblade) (and adoptive great-grandkids through Fundy again)

Took over the world with Technoblade once (SMP Earth, Antarctic Empire)

"Angel of Death" originates from SMP Earth and that alongside his renowned skill with elytra are why he is generally depicted as having wings (particularly because he almost always has his elytra equipped on any world where he has one). Because he has a custom cape/elytra based on Urahara that makes his wings dark grey/black, people started depicting him as a crow, which merged with the Angel of Death thing due to crow associations with death. The wings were already a solid part of his fanon design before he joined the Dream SMP (though they weren't solidly crow wings yet) though quickly became fanon due to Sad-ist's animations - which is also why you'll often see him with one or both wings tattered, due to that design (dsmp fanon being that his wings were damaged in the explosion of L'Manberg while he was protecting Wilbur from it and thus why he can't fly on that server).

His chat is canonically crows after it being fanon for awhile (due to the above) until somebody mentioned it to him through TTS on a random hardcore stream and he said he liked the idea due to the mental image of literally throwing lore crumbs to the birds.

His TTS bot is named Brian, and is often depicted as a robot crow. Whenever Phil goes AFK on stream his mod/VIPs will make Brian make noises/sing ("ourna" and "7777777" are common). Usually this is IanBealio (best mod) or Wolfythewitch (renowned Philza fanartist). Ian is also often depicted as Phil's main crow, usually with an orange version of Phil's Urahara bucket hat.

Sometimes Phil's wife, Kristin (mc/twitch name Misstrixtin, also known as Mumza, since Phil is Dadza), will randomly sneak up on Phil to shoot him with a nerf gun during stream. She also runs his clips channel. She's also American. We love her lots and lots. Favorite parent. She thinks being drawn as a death goddess is super cool. Also something you may see in designs of her occasionally is that she has a white streak in the back of her hair. She thinks it's cool when that detail is included (and the DSMP fandom likes to combo that with her in the DSMP being Fundy's grandmother, since Fundy IRL also has white streaks in his hair, so his character is often depicted with them as well).

Phil's hardcore worlds have lore! Lots of lore. Current world's main lore is that there are a bunch of gods that had a war against the End King who tried to steal everything and each build in the world is based off of the events of that war. Gods include the End King, the Blaze Empress, the Ocean Overlord, and Rose (Flower deity). This lore is very loose though and not critical to understanding or enjoying his hardcore series. It's just worldbuilding for projects, not an RP world.

Also one time in this world after he fought the End dragon a bunch to open up all the end portals, apparently during those fights the dragon glitched through portals twice and ended up in the outer end islands, so later when exploring he had to fight two Ender Dragons at once, mid-air over the void before they returned to the main island destroyed his custom End Island. On Hardcore. There's a video about it, It's called the Fight For Endlantis. (Endlantis being his custom End island, which is completely submerged in water)

In his Hardcore world lore, Phil is friends with the Blaze Empress, who lives in Nether Void (big black concrete box Phil built for his nether project). She's a big blaze lady goddess, which is most likely what influenced people to depict Death Goddess Mumza as a giant goddess as well.

Phil also says he likes the idea of Mumza being giant compared to him because again, his minecraft skin is Urahara, so Giant Wife reminds him of Urahara's Bankai.

You may hear about "Emerald Duo" or the "Friendship emeralds" sometimes - this is from DSMP lore. Techno gave Phil an emerald once renamed to "Friendship Emerald" and that became their duo name. Phil and Techno are often depicted in fanart as wearing matching emeralds as accessories.

There's also a running joke based on DSMP lore that he fucked a fridge, because one time Wilbur insisted his character's mother was a Samsung Smart Refrigerator.

You may hear about something called "Colorzas," particularly around MCC time. This is a mostly-fanon driven AU where there are different Phils with different colors, and each color has a different personality and design. For most MCCs he'll put on a skin based on a Colorza. There's a whole carrd for this and it's on Phil's fandom wiki but most of the names are just like Redza, Blueza, Pinkza, etc etc. Except for Voidza (Greyza), Pissza (Yellowza), and. Cumza (Whiteza). Orangeza is also sometimes jokingly just Phil's mod Ian. The only "true canon" Colorza (the colorza that appears in any smp lore) is Redza, who semi-canonly cameo'd once on the Dream SMP. His main personality traits are that's he's chaotic and evil.

You may hear about "Boosty Cars" - this is referring to Rocket League, which Phil plays often and streams sometimes on his secret alt twitch. He also sometimes plays other games there. He's also a big Halo player and iirc I think he was actually a nationally ranked Halo player for a bit?

You may also sometimes hear about Terra Swoop Force - this is a Minecraft map made by Noxcrew (the MCC people) (aka that one TGTTOSAWAF map) that Phil is Really Good At. Again, this feeds into why he's depicted as a bird.

That is all I can think of for now and also all Tumblr will allow me to send. Sorry for the long ask but enjoy basically Everything You Need To Know About Philza. He can be found on the following SMPs/MCYT sub-communities: SMP Earth, Dream SMP, Origins SMP, MCC, Rats SMP (cameo), and most recently QSMP. There might be others too but I'm blanking. Also of course his single-player Hardcore world and misc videos with the SBI & co.

HI THERE

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR GIVING ME SO MUCH LORE OMG?????

I watched Rats so that was legitimately all I knew him from, and he was definitely fun in that!! I am sort of obsessed with this funky old bird man.

He was SUCH a bird during MCC scuffed. I guess I just have a thing for bird coded guys associated with death????????

Obsessed w Mumza also.

I have no idea where to start or how to go about investigating this. I read some choice points out to my friends we had a sensible giggle.

Im so enamoured thank you so much for sending this anon!! :D

I am always so overwhelmed trying to get into older CCs who have so much history behind them but I'm fond of this bird fellow perhaps I'll give it a red hot go

[yallemagne]

#surprised that no one in the tags asked where castlevania's dracula fits in this lol #on one hand he loves his wives very much but on the other he's 99% of the time portrayed as satan incarnate so yeah #anyway i get the point of the post #the dracula book and its titular character have been extremely watered down after a century worth of adaptations #and after it became cool to paint vampires as tragic sex gods #so it's a surprise for new readers when they discover that og dracula is a slimy bastard monster and worst of all a scarily realistic abuse (beevean)

Now, I'm legally required to talk about Castlevania's depiction of Dracula because.

So, today, class, we're going to talk about the Castlevania game series and... We're talking about the games.

To give a summary of Dracula's whole deal, he was a noble and military tactician in 11th century France named Mathias Cronqvist who dabbled in some alchemy and fought in the Crusades. Then his wife died, and he decided to conscript a vampire to kidnap his best friend's wife so he'd feel bad too and join him in his goal to kill God. Didn't work because normal people don't become vampires and declare war against God just because their wives die, so he moved across the continent and changed his name to Vlad Dracula Tepes because I'm sure that name isn't already taken. Then he met a woman centuries later who looked kinda like his dead wife and married her and had a kid but then she died and he decided to exterminate humanity, only to have his ass beat by his son's gf who is also the great great great (???) granddaughter of that bff he screwed over in the past.

In general, he's a shitty guy. Just... constantly. Slaughtering whole families and enslaving the one surviving family member, kidnapping children and forcing them to fight their fathers to the death, lots of curses, lots of possessions, lots of general mean guy fuckery. But like he's fun because he's kinda hot and overly dramatic. He smashes wine glasses and screams WHAT IS A MAN???

Sure, he had two wives die and that kinda sucked, but it's been so long that it doesn't matter to him anymore, and his desire for vengeance has led to him getting his ass beat by his son several times, and I think that maybe if you get your ass beat by your son that many times, you should go to therapy instead of continuing your genocidal mission.

But anyway, he was perma-killed in 1999 by a Romanian cowboy and got reincarnated as a sweet Japanese teen who decided to do just that. Good for you baby boy, get your therapy.

(Funny side note, in the middle of all this? Dracula the novel is technically canon to the games... uh... Quincey Morris is canon and he has a son named John who has a son named Jonathan who gets to kill Dracula, too.)

CW: Netflixvania slander.

And then the Netflix Castlevania series. It is the Coppola of Castlevania. Dracula is a sobby little dweeb that none of the other vampire lords have an ounce of respect for and the writers love to justify his destruction with "oh nuuu his poor doctor wife :((( don't you want him to succeed in killing all the humans??" Never mind the fact that his wife asked him not to. But who cares what women think? Just look at how sad he is while he beats his son to death. He's such a poor widdle baby man, don't you see?

Netflixvania does to Castlevania Dracula what many Dracula adaptations do to Book Dracula. They make Dracula a weepy protagonist whilst not giving him any sympathetic traits. They also keep all of his unforgivable crimes and just reframe them as being totally okay. AND HE GETS A HAPPY ENDING!! He and his wife are given a Get Out Of Hell Free Card and Lisa's totally cool with the fact he committed genocide and abused their son. Cool cool cool. Same energy as Coppola Mina making out with Dracula's ugly corpse even after he tortured her husband and murdered her girlfriend. Yeah okay, sweaty. Oh, you are his reincarnated wife who died centuries ago? You're soulmates? Cute. Get a better soul.

See, you can have media that strays from the original book and it still keeps the spirit of Dracula and sometimes even overshadows the original with how iconic it is. And then Netflix will come in and shit all over it.

Today’s entry is one of many that really drives home why I can never quite bring myself to get into softer ‘uwu he’s just misunderstood and sexy-liberating’ versions of Dracula. Just. I can’t. I really really can’t.

Up to this point, he’s already had a monstrous moment in bringing the ladies their first on-screen kids meal crying and squirming in its sack. He’s had outright predatory back-to-back moments in imprisoning, coercing, robbing, and getting increasingly threatening and handsy with Jonathan. This, capped with the fact that he plans to kill/drink/gift him to the Undead Girl Gang by the end of June.

‘But what about his, “I too can love,” huh? He’s just loving as best a monster can! He could be tearing everyone around him to ribbons for annoying him, Brides and Jonathan included! Instead he goes out of his way to feed the ladies, albeit gruesomely, and has no retort when they laugh at and insult the lonely old bat. And he isn’t planning to kill Jonathan. He wants to keep him! Sure, it’s a sick version of it, but to him conscripting and collecting Jonathan rather than executing him outright is the height of affection! Surely that’s grounds for some of the more ~romantic~ takes in warped gothic flavor?’

To an extent, yeah. 

But he also just dressed up in Jonathan’s stolen clothes to cover up for the man’s own abduction, imprisonment, and undeadifying, while also increasing the odds of Jonathan already getting mistaken for a vampire, bringing home another child for the ladies to devour, and then ordered a pack of wolves to eat a grieving mother alive for making noise at his gate.

And this? This is just the tip of the iceberg for how downright hellish he gets as the novel progresses. 

Dracula can absolutely be a nuanced character within canon, offshoots, retellings, re-imaginings, and so on. And he should be! He’s a very interesting bastard who’s got so much more going on than a few one-liners and a taste for good cloaks and yummy company. But his actual actions in the book–even the smallest ones–just automatically torpedo 90% of my audience enjoyment when I run into yet another ‘Oh, but he did it all because he was in love!/misunderstood!/depressed!/unfairly maligned by the eeevil human Victorian characters in their journals and newsprint and body count records!’ version of the Count. 

Even sillier takes that try to heroify him for kids like Hotel Transylvania just kind of make my brain trip and fall into a pit of ??? 

‘Look kids, Dracula is really a nice guy and a sweet dad who runs a fun little hotel for his misunderstood Universal Horror monster buddies! Isn’t he neat?’

It leaves me biting my tongue and holding this mental grimace as I think about the sacks full of weeping children, the slaughtered mother, a young man imprisoned for making the mistake of endearing himself so much to a sadistic monster that the latter has decided to keep him as a tortured toy and undead pseudo-slave for eternity, with an entire blood buffet of human cattle still waiting to fill out the rest of the novel with trauma, horror, and death. 

‘Ohhh, but look at Francis’ tragique sweetheart version who stole all his redeeming qualities from Jonathan Harker! Ohhh, but look at the funny silly Adam Sandler cartoon and his new everyman-settling daughter! Ohhh, but look at how #cool and modern-sexyedgy an antihero/villain he is when penned by every projecting director and their grandmother! Lighten up, it’s just a different interpretation!*’

*Of the character whose whole deal is psychological torture, being a predatory creep, casual murder, and worse-than-murder of innocents.

I know it skews me towards being a whiny purist. I know. Let folks have fun. I know. But still, it feels so wrong every time I see someone try to ‘awww, he’s not so bad!’-ify him in new media when. No. He is exactly that bad and probably worse. If he’s not, then that’s not fucking Dracula.

tl;dr: Can people just make some new fun/sexy/antihero vampires instead of stapling Dracula’s name on all of them? Can Dracula just be an interesting villainous monster again?? Please??? (Please save me Renfield 2023 and The Last Voyage of the Demeter, you’re my only ho–)