#AND ITS NOT EVEN THAT WE'RE LAZY. we always get all our work done. we're just. fast about it. so we can risk the floor time.

[inviso-bill-strikes-again]

the problem with cam and i sharing the front a lot of the time is that neither of us are particularly Motivated By Much so on days where we have to be at our job. well. time to sit on the floor in the back room for as long as we can risk it

[creatingblackcharacters]

"Defying the Default"- Skin Tones and the Presence of Black Characters

Okay, this one is going to be half lesson and half a thought experiment- it may get a bit frustrating, as conversations like this often do- but remember, discomfort is not always a bad thing! So I ask that you walk with me for this one.

It’s also interesting, because I’m going to direct this towards everyone (readers included!), but specifically towards my fanfic writers of media with no visual medium, as I’ve noticed this pattern there, and it makes up a good amount of creators on this site. Okay? Okay.

Behold! Many shades of brown!

I had to wade through a lot of colorism for this, and even this link is subtly racist in its introduction- the idea that brown is ‘unexciting’ 🙄.

Anyway, you know where I’m going with this:

"Chocolate and Coffee"

Even the link above pulled this! Writers who use this... they’re not ‘wrong’ per se but… often uninspired. It feels... Lazy. When you can tell an author has put no thought into the brown of choice, it makes Black readers feel like you believe these are the only shades of brown- that that’s all we look like. Even chocolate is more diverse (white, milk, dark, marbled, cookies and cream?) Coffee can come in numerous shades as well (light, medium, dark roast? Type of bean?)

My first direction to help with this: make it a point to know what shade that character is (whether canonically, or if you're the original creator, look at a reference and write it down) and find a name! Be consistent! Find similar browns to one another. If the canon Black character's skin color is done poorly, find something similar and use that! (I'll get more into this in the next lesson!)

Our skin colors may modify as we age, it changes over the seasons/presence in the sun, and some people even have vitiligo! But we're not gonna be “dark roast coffee” one morning and “light milk chocolate” suddenly. We're not chameleons lmao.

And you know what? That shade you choose might very well be 'coffee'! But it's not going to be because you didn't look and assumed we're all some random brown! That’s the intent showing! If we can find endless ways to describe the beauty of white/pale skin, we absolutely can for brown! Be willing to unpack why you may not believe brown to be capable of beauty, and work through unlearning that- it will show in your writing! One way is by pausing with yourself, and recognizing when you had a biased thought. Even by this, you’re learning!

Here’s where I want us to get into the thought experiment:

I want you to think about the description of characters in stories (as a whole). Challenge yourself- in the fics and stories you read, how often is anyone blatantly labeled 'White'? Read a story or fic; how long can you imagine them as not-White before it's ever clarified? Because not even 'pale' automatically implies a White person!

You know how I’ve mentioned before that 'Black people are not a monolith'? I can find you at least some examples of Black people fitting some of the common descriptions of white characters.

"Brunette with brown eyes"

(Fun fact: I actually learned back in my Masters program that genetically no one has ‘black’ hair- our eyes are processing it as black, but it’s really just dark brown due to eumelanin. Regardless, if you stand us in the direct sunlight, you will see that our hair is usually just dark brown!)

"Red hair with pale skin"

“‘tanned’ skin with hazel/green eyes”

“blond hair" (period!)

Now, I’m not saying that blond haired Black people or Black folk with albinism are overly representative of my people. What I AM saying is that it needs to not be taken for granted that a reader is automatically assuming a character is White in your piece of fiction- I can assume your character looks like anything if it's not stated! Especially if the OG source is a book or a podcast! We’re just used to assigning these features- and characters- as white until ‘proven not’! The default!

I am guilty of this too! Even still, I reread many of my works and go ‘ah, I didn’t clarify.’ And I have to work on doing better at it. This is having intent for your Black characters, but really, it’s having intent for all of them!

(This doesn't mean going “the Black man said,” the way sometimes people say “the Chinese said” (which…. Tbh we should all stop doing that anyway, it's weird and racist))

My Next Challenge:

Some people may disagree, but- Ahem:

Say BLACK!

Breathe lmao! Take the time to recognize that it's OKAY to introduce a character as Black, to say Black, it's fine! Obviously be sensitive about it, don't shove it in there to “win your diversity points”, but like… People are Black. It's not a bad word. What matters is the context in which you used it!

You don't even have to say it every single time. Really just the first, introductory sentence will do. For example:

“[Character A], a bright, young, Black girl with knotless braids to her mid back, glittering hair clips matching her bright green t-shirt, and a brilliant smile that shined against her bistre skin.”

I recognize that some might argue that by saying “bistre”, you don't need to say Black. But 1) you don't have to be Black to be brown or dark skinned, and 2) There's a social stigma behind even saying Black- of discussing race in general, because it leads to discomfort. Race (as a sociological construct) exists. When we say nothing about it, allowing Whiteness to be the default, we're still emphasizing race, however silently! If you're already doing it... Why not mention it? 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

(here's a good clip of Ijeoma Oluo discussing the difficulty of discussing race; while I highly recommend the whole thing, the relevant clip is 4:25-5:39)

Maybe they're in the Black student organization in a lead position, maybe they're in a Black main cast of a play- it's okay to have those things in the story to help develop the idea that your Black character is actively Black! Just do your research to make sure you’re not leaning into stereotypes!

“There’s no races in my fantasy/future world!”

That’s fair! But I want to give you an example of how people will still project these identities onto your characters anyway:

No one has an explicitly stated 'race' in Avatar: The Last Airbender (afaik); they’re all divided by element culture. YET, many people were offended that a mixed-Korean actress was cast in her role in the live action- they ‘just didn’t see it’, because subconsciously they'd imagined her ‘face claims’ as WHITE, despite it never once being mentioned in the canon! (there’s also a firm sexualization and east Asian fetishization argument to be made about it, but that’s not within the scope of this particular conversation.)

Point is, if you are including humanoid characters in your fantasy stories, fine. You don't need to say ‘Black’ outright. But, that just means that you’re going to have to be even more detailed in your description. Because if I were watching a TV show and a Black actor shows up as an elf… I know what features I’m seeing! Entire protests have occurred over the casting of Black actors in a role ‘meant for a white person’; so... everyone sees it!

Conclusion

This is another reason why intention in character design and writing is important! Context clues and socialization help me understand who your character is. If it works like this for white characters, it can work like that for everyone else! You just have to know enough about me to write it in (and that's where the social and societal bias lie, because how much do you really know about me?)

A way to better understand this is reading books by Black authors (for fantasy, I would highly recommend Raybearer by Jordan Ifueko and Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi) as well as Black literary classics! Finding and reading Black fic authors in fandoms with Black characters! By learning how we describe ourselves and our skin colors, you’ll learn and practice how to appropriately describe us!

Now I can't make you do any of this! But I do want you all- writers especially- to start noticing our bias, how we may default to the experience of whiteness- and how that affects the way we write. When we have Black characters, and really any character of color, we need to start paying attention to how often their features, culture, and activities are emphasized, even for what we may consider to be 'background' details. That’s how we normalize creation and understanding, and become better at writing!

It’s just something to practice; remember, it’s the thought that counts, but the action that delivers!

In addition, if you are interested in a simple read into why approaching race is so uncomfortable as a whole, I've attached Robin DiAngelo's book here! Thank you to the PDF guru @toiletpotato for the link!

[horce-divorce]

something something about the power imbalance inherent to being an unhoused person, how similar it is to the dependency that abusers intentionally foster in their relationships to keep victims from leaving. but if you're homeless and someone is putting you up, especially if it's for free/some kind of exchange other than rent, you're basically expected to put up with whatever indignity they can imagine for you and still just be grateful. And if you set a boundary or speak up for yourself in any kind of way, that's Taking Advantage of this poor kind person who's doing SO much for you already, how could you?

sorry its 2am and I'm trying to write a better draft about this for later too but its like. being homeless is a huge, huge vulnerability. ppl people will look to exploit that, intentionally or not. and doubly so if you're homeless because you're disabled.

also something the ableism involved... about how I know so many fellow disabled people who have struggled with homelessness, and we all have similar stories about people we trusted, friends or loved ones who seemed all too happy to help and take us in, and how we repeatedly impressed upon them the nature of our health and the situation, and they swore up and down that they understood and that we were on the same page about boundaries and expectations... only to have them blow up and kick us out at the absolute first sign of conflict or miscommunication, or because we didn't get jobs fast enough, or because we didn't contribute financially even after being told that wasn't expected, and so on.

and how, I know so many housed people who have never been through this, who all have very similar stories about how they tried to help a friend in need once, and they were SO lazy and horrible and took SO long to get their shit together that they clearly were just a freeloader taking advantage who should've never been trusted, just like all homeless people, and that's why we give them socks and canned beans instead of money.

I was never allowed to complain about ableist expectations or abled people ignoring my boundaries in my parents' home. Especially not after I became a disabled adult who still needed help with housing. And that's been true of most of the couch-hopping I've done since then, too.

Currently we have a fairly nice situation... we live with a trusted and pleasant friend. It's a whole house, not an apartment. Not even in the city. We have our own entire room. We don't have to pay rent or anything. It's temporary even aside from our discomfort, it's just been a nice place to land for the cold months.

However. Friends parents are not so chill. Their dad is the most disgusting man alive and has repeatedly gotten us sick bc he's always got something, bleeds all over and never cleans it up, never washes his hands, leaves his dentures on countertops and tables with food still stuck on them, coughs all over our stuff and never masks, is actively making the mouse infestation worse with all the food he leaves out, and puts our health at risk in SO many ways.

he used to work in Healthcare btw. His wife still does. They know we're here bc we're homeless; they know we're both disabled and immunocompromised; neither of them will wear a mask. Both of them are constantly coughing everywhere and not even covering their mouths. We've tried to politely bring this to their attention multiple times and nothing changes. They just ignore us.

We could literally die from this. We could get lifelong health complications even worse than what we have now. Bel lost his sense of taste today and now we're terrified that it's gonna be long covid or something else that sucks what little joy is left from our daily lives.

You lose everything, and then you're supposed to just say nothing and accept your lot, no matter how much danger you're in, because beggars can't be choosers. If you're disabled and poor you'd better just be fine with people abusing you and putting your health and safety at risk indefinitely, because you're lucky they're even helping you at all instead of JUST abusing you.

You dont get to have a home. You dont get to collect things, or keep sentimental things, or have a whole, adequate wardrobe. You get what you can carry with you and what won't get stolen or destroyed by others, or by the nature of moving so much. You dont get to have safety and stability and roots and community. You dont get the dignity of boundaries or your own space. You get what you get and you don't throw a fit. And be happy and say "thank you" if people are merely ignoring you instead of actively silencing you. And if the people "helping" you actually give you the thing that kills you, at least you didn't die of exposure, I guess? Or something?

Its just. Every single thing you do as both a homeless & disabled person reminds you how utterly worthless you are to the """normal""" people around you. Every day. It's so demoralizing.

[lazyyogi]

Hey lazy, how not to be angry at the injustice and stupidity of the world? I've read enough history to know it's basically always been like this, and have enough intellectual knowledge of Buddha Dharma and psychology to understand its caused by the three poisons that we're all subject to, even me. Yet I see the stupidity and cruelty around the world and in the US and it has me metaphorically kicking Mister Rogers and Keanu Reeves out of my head in favor of Johns Wick and Rambo. Regardless of how much of a pacifist I am it feels like the only way we're going to get people to do the right thing at this point is force and it's heart breaking and infuriating.

Sometimes you just have to be heartbroken. The problem is that we never learned how.

Too many people have tried to change the world because of hurt feelings and reactive anger. They are still doing it. In the end, regardless of how noble it may appear, it is in fact essentially selfish. Because their actions are undertaken in order to relieve themselves of their own suffering.

It is true that sometimes you just gotta channel John Wick and crack some skulls. But this problem will not be solved by doing the same shit as before. Like you say, you know enough history to understand how that plays out.

So please understand that in no way am I advocating doing nothing for those who are suffering in this world. But first you need to be sure that you are doing it for them and not just to make yourself feel better. Otherwise your plans may work to relieve you of that suffering but may never touch the needs of those people.

Have you noticed that when most people are hurt by something, their first reaction is anger?

There are many reasons as to why this happens but it essentially comes down to the fact that when our heart hurts, we feel confusion, vulnerability, fear, mortality, and helplessness. And we don't like it!

Ever since we were children, crying over something said or done to us, we were scolded to stop. Many of us, myself included, never learned how to actually experience challenging emotions without being overcome by them. Instead, we learn how to distance ourselves from those feelings, suppress them, and be indifferent. Men especially.

So the options are either to be overwhelmed by sadness, despair, heartache, etc, or to be indifferent. Not great, right?

Spiritual teachings are helpful but in order to make their wisdom your own direct experience, there are practices to help you. They aren't easy but they are immensely beneficial.

True spiritual freedom, which is a facet of enlightenment, never requires any limit to the human experience. In other words, there is room for heartbreak just as there is room for anger. To be free from heartbreak, you have to be willing to let your heart break open.

A book I endlessly recommend on this stuff is appropriately titled The Places That Scare You and it's by Pema Chodron. There are many things this book teaches but one fundamental life and spiritual skill I learned from it was how to stay with the feelings that make us squeamish.

Tonglen is a really good place to start.

[To summarize for anyone else reading this, tonglen is the practice of inhaling the pain and suffering of others and exhaling peace, freedom, happiness, and loving-kindness to them.

You can do it for something specific, like a friend who is heartbroken because their cat or dog died. Or you can do it for someone in general who you know is suffering; after all, everyone is suffering in one way or another.

You sit, meditate, then imagine your friend and visualize inhaling their suffering from them and exhaling all the good stuff into them. In the session, you end by broadening to breathe in the suffering of anyone who has lost a pet.

At first you practice this for people you love or like. Then you learn to practice it for strangers, people for whom you feel neutral. And lastly you do it for people who you hate, people who are enemies.]

This is just one example of a technique that evolves us into a broader vision of our hearts and minds beyond good people, neutral people, bad people. You can also practice tonglen for yourself. When you are feeling like something is unfair, that you are hurt or sad, you learn to stay with the unpleasant feelings, breathe them in like a sacred incense, and exhale spaciousness loving-kindness.

All of this is hard! It is so much easier said than done. The Places That Scare You is a very short book and yet it took me a very long time to read because it kept triggering shitty feelings and fears in me.

Additionally, everything is made harder by our own imprints, judgments, triggers, and embodied trauma that has accumulated throughout our life. Anything by Judith Blackstone will be helpful in digesting and freeing yourself from those shackles as well.

So the TL;DR is:

You don't have to stop being angry and heartbroken, you need to learn how to be angry and heartbroken without being distorted by them. You need to learn how to stay with the thoughts and feelings that make us squeamish. And you need to free yourself from your own traumas and shitty feelings. As you make progress, you will be more capable of helping others from a truly self-less place. In other words, you will be more insightful and attentive to their needs rather than your distorted perception of their situation.

LY

[bbarican]

july 30, 2023; 7:21 pm - life updates

hi, tumblr! its been a minute ~ how are you guys? isnt it so weird that july just decided to be a blip and is now over like it never actually happened even though it was a super busy month? either way, im here to update ya'll on how ive been and other things and if youre interested, just keep reading along; either way, i love you!

family:

bittersweetly, wala na kaming bisita sa bahay; ang weird kasi my mom pointed out na we had visitors nga pala ever since may, thats a lot of time to have people over at your house and to not have privacy; it is sad though to have the house this quiet again but i, glad for the memories we all made over the course of everyone's stay

i treated my mom to a mani pedi session yesterday and it was really nice and relaxing; i finally got my nails done again and im so happy!

other than the aforementioned, we dont have a lot going on except the fact that we're going to a lunch buffet on saturday so atleast we have something to look forward to

im just really excited for the rest of the year and what that holds for me and my family

personal life:

im in a much better headspace and i am truly grateful for whatever or whoever helped me along the way

july was tough kasi i kept pushing myself to my limit without really noticing and again its very bittersweet kasi a part of me is super proud na i can actually juggle so much but at the same time my mind was not doing okay

but im glad im better now; maybe it was just a bad and busy week but i know for a fact na hindi lang yun yung week na ganun sa buong buhay ko so atleast now i know i can actually handle it

i finished reading happy place by emily henry already and i love that book so much; it being about people around my age made it all the more relatable + its super funny + it hits a little too close to home knowing that im the same as the protagonist; overall, its such a great book and i wish i could read it for the first time ulit

been trying to download bumble again pero literally my phone wont let me kasi it always prompts me to fix my payment method sa apple id which is totally fine btw but it always ends up being in error so i just take that as a sign na downloading bumble is just gonna be a waste of time anyway

i need to buy clothes kasi 1.) i wanna invest in them (again, my mom has a point na i need to stop repeating my outfits as much as i do) and 2.) i have an event to go to on the 11th ata so i need to dress up for that

i also want to sell some of my stuff kasi day by day i just keep realizing na i have so much stuff and instead of throwing them away, might as well make some money out of them

work:

im relieved that work is better now; not as busy, but busy enough to keep me on my feet without actually killing me mentally

i love my officemates; i love how the board takers are back and that the noise is back too

na approve na din kaagad yung revisions namin for our community library project which means we get to go to ikea already and purchase the stuff we wanted to for the project

feels kinda weird din talaga to not have been able to go to the office for a week cause of the weather kaya tomorrow im really gonna push myself to go kahit na alam kong uulan parin kasi i just know im gonna be lazy as fuck if i dont go to the office nanaman

regarding our team building, again, im not so keen on pushing through with it this august kasi 1.) its raining, 2.) mahal na since we're booking for the same dates, and 3.) again, i have no idea what our budget is to begin with so its really hard to plan anything anyway

and yeah, thats it for my life updates ~ im beyond excited for august, so here's to making the last day of july super fun and productive and memorable in whatever way it could be

ingat kayong lahat especially since for sure uulan parin this week!

[okay-j-hannah]

Hii hannah!! It's me, the mysterious anon and I'm officially done with not just my exams but highschool! I got my results back few days ago and im surprised i almost got all As because during the last three exams I was literally reading will turner and lotr fanfictions more than my textbooks lmao 😭

And can I just say you're so so sweet and ilysm !!! tysm for accepting my request, can't wait to see how you are gonna write them! although, do remember to write it with your own pace, you don't have to feel obligated to finish it and post it asap (and this goes to all the requests you've gotten) we know you're a human being too with your own things in your daily life and ofc we acknowledge and respect that, that's the least we can do when you actually take time out of your life and accept to write our requests <333

I know I said it in the last ask I sent you but thank you so so much for accidently introducing me to will turner, remember how I fell down the rabbit hole? it seems i am still falling, but now in another rabbit hole named lord of the rings; yes I joined the lotr fandom! i was lookin for more orlando bloom movies and found out he played legolas and I started the series just for him lol,, really though the lotr universe is so beautiful!! ive always loved fantasy universes but was too lazy to actually start something classic like lotr but now that i've done it im feeling the hyperfixation literally running through my veins!! I ordered silmarillion and im like this close to ordering all the books in Tolkien legendarium even though im nearly broke lmao. and my bi ass is in love with everyone, especially the elves, came just for legolas but staying for all the tolkien elves and faramir, eowyn, sam and aragorn 😭 really though, I have barely read silmarillion yet i am in love with elves like ecthelion and glorfindel too 😭

i can't wait read more of your lotr work, so far, I've only read haldir fic (it was so cute!) and hobbit/doctor who one and im in love with that one!! i spend so much of my time thinking what if I were to accidently end up in my current hyperfixation universe. will I survive actually? Will I even be able to make eye contact with my comfort characters, or speak to them? unless somehow I get some kind of superpowers or immortality, i would likely die in the first fifteen minutes for sure haha. can't wait to read the second part of that story and how doctor fits into the story! Also mgime trope is actually so fun to read! after this one, I went to ao3 for more and im so in love with this trope im thinking about writing one myself! 

Just realising, It's funny thing, joining new fandom tbh ; i remember scrolling through your page in March and i had no idea who any of the lotr characters or potc characters were but now im in love with the lotr&potc universe and its all i can think about. do you mind, if i ask you how do you balance fandoms thing? you're in so many fandoms and i always wonder how you love them/give them time equally even after having so many other fandoms. in recent years I've joined many fandoms but every time I join a new one, i start loving the new one so much i  completely stop even thinking bout the old one. and it's incredibly silly i know but I feel like I'm betraying/cheating my old fandom and my comfort characters in a way by hyperfixating on whatever my current fandom is. 

Speaking of hyperfixations, also so so excited for David tennant in the 60th specials!! And donna n wilf!! I too will have to finish 13's episodes before November though. btw did you see the bts pictures of 15 and the new companion Ruby? It seems like we're gonna get good history episodes with the new doctor !! 

Oh also!! It's been officially a year since I started reading your fics! And today 29 May actually marks the day(technically night ig) I read the last parts of dying girl series. I still remember that day, I had finished watching stranger things' then new episodes, I was already crying because of The max and vecna episode and I decided to torture myself more by reading the series and cried more lmao.

Ahh cant believe its been a year, i remember being anxious to send you my request and all those asks and now I am actually talking to you! I am so glad I decided to check out your blog last May, one of the best decision ive made! If it werent for you, i probably would've never further watched doctor who, or started potc and lotr/hobbit series and just Tolkien's work tbh. Ik I've said it a lot of times but really though, thank you so much for introducing me to all these movies, shows, books and ofc, your writing. I've loved every single second I've spent on your blog and while watching these tv and movie series, idk how to exactly word this because english isn't my first language, but the time spent on your blog and while watching the shows/movies really is best time I've spent in my boring life, I've felt more alive doing that than I actually had while living my "life". 

Oh and I'm glad you had fun writing my domestic fic request! I would also love to read about the reader and doctors' in between adventures, hope you write about it and honestly, I'd love to read whatever you write, even if it isn't full fics, just random stuff like headcanons or draft ideas you had! And I would request bout it but I've already requested two fics and honestly, my brain feels too disconnected from the fic to give you ideas kinda stuff for the fic. I guess, its time to reread the series ; I hope I can get through it this time without crying though 😭

I still haven't finished watching all the potc movies, only two or three because I got into lotr, but more will turner content from you? So excited!! And yeah It is surprising that I haven't watched the movies because they are classic! but they actually came out before I was born/when I was really young so I didn't get to watch them at that time, plus movies, especially from outside my country weren't as accessible so my brain focused on what I had, the barbie and disney movies and tv cartoons.

Sometimes I honestly can't believe that all the movies/TV series I'm hyperfixating over came out so long ago and that I am watching and obsessing over them after like 15-20 years, that really is a lot of time! but tbh, I feel like this is how it was meant to be, yknow? I was meant to love these movies and characters rn, because maybe I needed them now more than I did back then. And as I said, I was barely a kid and didn't even speak English language, even if I did get to watch all the movies I don't think I'd even understand them lol. 

Oh and I too love the pen pal things we have going, it's fun, isn't it? Really sorry for replying months late though, i wanted to write earlier but I have executive dysfunction so it's really hard to do even the simplest of things😭 next time i'll try not to be months late lol.

I just realised I wrote a lot lol, Thank you for reading the whole rambling, I hope the whole thing doesn't seem too diorganised to read . And yeah, Bye! hope you have good day/night or whatever time of the day you're reading this at<333

Hello mysterious anon!

I think our trend will now be just randomly replying to each other every few months because 100% we both have busy lives.

I feel weirdly proud to have instigated some of your new fandom hyperfixations, I am so obsessed with too many. It is really hard to spread all my love/attention to so many.

I think I look at it like phases. I will always return to my old loves, but depending on my mood or phase in life I'm drawn to a certain fandom. I started rewatching Criminal Minds a while ago and got so reinvested in the show that I started writing a series with Spencer Reid {it's like 21k words right now and I haven't decided if I'm posting it or not}

And I started watching The Crown, so I've fully entered another time period phase and I want to watch all things Jane Austen. I read Sense and Sensibility recently because of it. I think I'm going to watch Little House on the Prairie for the time period drama. I might watch Poldark or Outlander or Vikings for the same reason.

I agree it's hard to move on to another fandom when you feel you're neglecting the others. I try to refresh my brain of my old favorites, like I remember the day I mixed up Death Eaters and Dementors and I felt so ashamed that I reread the whole Harry Potter series just to remind myself.

I guess I just do my best to acknowledge all of them and then be patient when I'm fixating on only one in particular. I find a balance when I'm writing fics about them because I'll rewatch something so I can get a feel for the characters before I write about them. But sometimes it is hard to write a request for a character that I am not currently obsessed with.

I'm glad you passed your classes and are hopefully moving on to bigger and better things {I know you are fandom wise}. I haven't been writing much the last year, but I do still check my activity frequently. We'll see what and when I'll decide to post next.

But for now, I wish you luck in life and hopefully the comfort you'll get from your new potc and lotr friends will get you through some of the tough times.

💜 Hannah

[extravaguk]

pairing: jungkook x reader

summary: But above all things, the last thing you expected to happen when you came back was to show your tits and get pierced by none other than motherfucking Jeon Jungkook.

Jeon Jungkook. Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie.

wordcount: 15k

genre: summer!au, ex high school classmaters, kinda frenemies to lovers, tattoo artist!&piercing artist!jungkook, popular!reader

rated: m (fluff - smut - angst)

warnings: you broke jungkook's heart you bitch!! , oral sex (m&f), protected sex (shocking tbh), CL as your bestie it doesnt get better than that! idk i dont wanna spoil too much

author's note: fucking finally dude!! i've been writing this since february but school was kicking my ass. now that i finished my exams and mercury is in gemini i was able to finish it. if you read this, i hope you enjoy it!

Inkphoria

You've been standing outside the shop re-reading the word for fifteen minutes, although it definitely feels like it has been longer. You're gripping the flyer too tightly, rumpling the paper in your hand until you're pretty much sure it's ruined. It's the first day of June, and it's already too hot. The sun and humid weather are causing beads of sweat to form in your hairline and your white tank top to stick to your skin. Your jean shorts didn't feel this uncomfortable a few hours ago and you're sure the heat is causing your mascara to transfer to your eyelids and lower lashline. You've never needed a slushie and a smoke this bad in forever, even if you knew the later would make your parents lose their shit.

Inkphoria

You read it again. Your brain is trying to guess what font its written in, an excuse to try to steady your heart beat until your nerves ease a little and you can finally gather the courage to step into the damn shop. You've noticed a few people passing by giving you strange looks because maybe it hasn't been fifteen minutes. Perhaps you've been unmoving like an idiot in the middle of the street for longer than you want to admit.

Chaelin's voice echoes inside your head.

'Its not that much of a big deal. It's not even that painful, trust me.'

You wish you could trust your best friend, but your best friend is also the same woman who assured you Cats was the movie of the year. Yes, not 'Cats: The Musical'. 'Cats', the movie.

'And this could be a great start to get out of your comfort zone and start living your life exactly the way you want to, not the way people expect you to. Not the way your family wants you to, not the way Adam wanted you to.'

But although her credibility could sometimes be questionable - like that time she also told you she'd tried marmite and 'honestly, it's not as bad as people make it out to be'-, you also didn't trust anybody in this world as much as you trusted her. She had always been your entire support system, the only one around you who never sugarcoated, who always treated you as an equal, who was always there for you to help you discover yourself and, at the same time, remind you of who you were.

'And it's gonna look so hot, too.'

That's it. Sticking the wrinkled flyer on your back pocket, your feet finally start moving. It doesn't take longer than three strides and you're pushing open the door.

The first thing you notice is that, thankfully, the shop is empty. The second thing you notice is the bright sky blue walls, a green undertone peaking through. Your eyes scan nervously the interior. Frames with tattoo designs and people modeling other different designs decorate the walls, some skateboards also hanging from the ceiling. A few plants in the corner, and two leather couches on either side of the room. Your scanning stops on the counter, where a girl with short, platinium hair and -what you guess is- the eighty percent of her body inked. Face included. She's been looking at you, a smirk tugging at her lips. Her tone is amused when she speaks

"Hi." she says. "You can come closer, you know? We don't bite."

Great. As if you couldn't feel more out of place, apparently you also couldn't look more out of place.

"Sorry." you gulp as you walk forward. "It's my first time doing anything like this."

She laughs this time, but it's not mean. It's not mocking, thank God, and the smile she sends you is as warm as the weather, friendly, luckily helping you calm down a bit. "A virgin, huh? JK's gonna love this." your eyes jump in surprise, but she's fast to wave her hands in front of you. "Just a joke. So, first time getting a tattoo. You have something in mind, honey?"

"Um, no. Not a tattoo. Not yet, I think." you wet your lips, regretting not reaplying chapstick before stepping inside. "A piercing."

"Oh! Cool!" she claps her hands, too excited for your own taste, pulling from under the counter a catalogue. "So, where will it be? Cartilogue? Nose? A lot of people are getting their septums pierced right now, though, so you might-"

"Nipples. Like, one of them."

Her gaze finds yours in surprise, although her face swiftly transforms again into an amiable expression. "Now, that's badass. Alright!" she skims through the pages of the catalogue until she finds the nipple piercing collection. You scratch your head before wiping your forehead sweat-free. "You can pick either barbells or hoops, although barbells heal faster and they don't move around as much. There's different kinds of metal, too. Gold or platinium. If your skin is sensitive, I recommend titanium. It's hypoallergenic and not as problematic."

The blonde keeps talking as you nod your head, a smile making its way into your face while silently thanking her for her easygoing personality. It quickly makes you feel comfortable and stupid for being so terrified of doing this.

Once you decide, settle on the cost and sign the papers, she stands up from the stool she'd been sitting on. "Ok, I'll go tell my coworker. He's been sketching tattoos all morning, it's time he gets to work!" she laughs, but suddenly your smile banishes and your throat shuts down.

"He?" your alarmed tone halts her motions and she looks back at your frightened expression.

He? A he is going to pierce your nipple? You're about to let a random stranger, a HE, see and touch one of your boobs and then pierce a needle through one of your nipples?

"Oh, baby, don't worry. I'd do it myself if I knew how to, but I only do tattoos. Most of our staff are on summer vacation so it's mostly just him and I. If you don't feel comfortable, which is totally understandable, you can wait until september when Minzy comes back and she can do it for you." It's her turn to scratch the back of her head as she adds: "but trust me, we're professionals. He's not a creep or anything like that. He's been doing this for a long time. He won't cross any boundaries."

September? You won't even be here in september. Fuck.

Sure, you could do it when you move back into the city. But this summer was supossed to be the summer. You already decided after your breakup with Adam that there would be no trace of the old you. That it was time to push yourself, to do the things that you've always wanted to do, unapologetically. To find the new you, the real you. To stop being scared.

So after going through you options for a few seconds and taking a deep breath, you make up your mind.

"It's fine. I can do it."

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"JK, sweetheart!"

Jungkook is finishing drawing a Chinese dragon when Mijoo opens the door without knocking. Again. He puts the pen down, rubbing his eyes. It's monday, a slow monday, not much work, and he had hoped it would stay that way until closing time. It's summer and Jungkook hates summer. He hates the heat, he hates being drenched in sweat, and he hates the fact that he can do nothing about it. Because working in the summer is terrible. Summer makes him lazy, makes him want to bathe in a tub full of iced water and not get out until he turns into a raisin and october comes. It makes him irritable. Summer makes him annoyed by people -like Mijoo, even if he loves her to death- and himself.

"I got a girl here who wants a nipple piercing, her first piercing by the way, so get your shit ready and bla bla bla. Straight titanium barbell. Also, don't flirt and don't be creepy. She almost ran away when I told her a male was going to be touching and piercing her tit, be mindful of that. She's too cute, if you want to get her number you should wait until it's done. I think that's it. I'll bring her in in a minute."

Mijoo leaves as fast as she talks, but Jungkook is already used to it. He's already used to the headaches her mouth causes too. He sighs before standing up, tying his too-long raven hair into the best bun he can manage. He washes his hands, sets the table up, sits on the chair and puts the gloves on. He's too busy sterilizing the jewerly when Mijoo comes back with you.

"Alright, my babies. I'll leave you to it." she turns to you. "He'll explain everything, from how the process will be to how to take care of it after it's done." she leaves before saying bye, closing the door behind her, and then he finally turns to you.

Your eyes meet and suddenly everything stops. He almost drops the sterilizing machine, his whole body tensing, going into panic mode as he recognizes you immediatly. His hands shake.

Of course he does. Of course he recognizes his high school crush. The too goody two shoes, too pretentious and too rich, too good for everybody and, most importantly, 'too good for Jeon Jungkook' girl of his high school dreams. Of course he recognizes the girl he had confessed his stupid crush to when he was sixteen. Of course he recognizes the girl who rejected and broke his young and foolish heart when he was a dumb teenager.

It doesn't matter that six years have passed ever since. He still knows every lock of your hair like the palm of his hand. He still remembers the shape of your lips and the exact shade of your eyes. He can still identify the body he fantasized about -and jacked off to- when he was a hormonal teen, now filled in all the right places. Now a grown woman.

Just one look at you after years and years of pining is enough to almost make him faint. And grow a boner under his jeans.

And by the look on your face, your eyes wide and your mouth agape, you recognize him as well.

Dammit.

He schools his features and clears his throat. Forces his body to relax and compose himself, because he's not a teenager anymore. He's also a grown man, who has matured, who now has much more experience with women than he did back then. He had already embarrased himself enough when he was sixteen to be doing it all over again. You're just another attractive girl in a sea of attractive women.

He turns to you. You still haven't said anything. Neither has he.

"Um, you can sit on the table." he manages, motioning to the set up in front of him. He watches you taking doubtful steps until you're sitting down, your eyes avoiding his gaze. He almost forgot you were here to get pierced. Holy shit, you were here to get pierced. To get your nipple pierced.

You're a professional, Jungkook. You can do this, Jungkook. You've seen boobs before, Jungkook. You've pierced nipples before, Jungkook.

Clearing his throat again and forcing his hands to stay by his side, he speaks. "The... The top." your gaze finds his, like a puppy about to get scolded. You look at your top, realization dawning on you. "You don't have to take it off. You can just pull it down."

So you do, pulling the straps of the white tank top down and dragging the fabric down with trembling fingers. No bra. Jungkook gulps as your breasts comes into vision. As perfect as he had imagined years ago. His cock twitches. Round, full, perky and so damn inviting he has to hold himself back from latching onto one nipple with his mouth around it and swirling his tongue over the nub until you're a pretty, moaning, little mess on his piercing tabl-

He closes his eyes for just a second before reminding himself to act like the 23 year old Jungkook he's tried so hard to become. The confident, assured Jungkook he is.

"Okay, this is how it'll go. First I'll clean it and scrub it to get rid of any bacteria." he's so glad he hasn't stuttered yet. 23 year old Jungkook doesn't stutter like 17 year old Jungkook. He's also glad he can pick the alcohol bottle and the surgical scrub without trembling. When he faces you again, you're watching his motions with your lip caught between your teeth. That has him swallowing the lump in his throat.

Making eye contact with him again, you take a deep breath and offer a small nod, so he gets to work. He can show you and himself he's a grown man. A grown man who can pierce a nipple without appearing like it's the first time he's seen a boob in his life. The sooner he does it, the sooner it's over.

Jungkook wets the paper towel with alcohol before carefully wiping over your nub with it. Your back arches, probably from the cold feeling, he guesses. He rubs it a few times before throwing it in the trash can nearby. He avoids looking at how enticing the soft peak is salluting him when he reaches for the marker. He doesn't say anything when he dots it with it, jaw clenched and his dick painfully stiff.

"Lay back." his voice low as he commands, turning away to get the clamp. When he slides closer, he tries to ignore the view: you, with your hair sprawled and your sweaty, shiny skin and your eyes focused on the cieling, nipple fully erect, like the star of one of his most erotic dreams. He extends his free gloved hand before he can stop himself, fingers carefully working the nub until he's sure it's painfully hard. Almost as hard as he is.

You gasp, your back arching again. He stills and looks at you, your cheeks flushed pink. Probably from the heat, he guesses again. Or at least that's what he tells himself. He can't stop himself from wondering how responsive would you be in a different setting, most likely his bed while his teeth play with your breast and his cock dives into-

"You okay?" he studies your face, your eyes not meeting his and instead still focusing on the white ceiling.

"Mhm." you reply with a small voice.

"Relax, alright? It'll be over soon." his voice is as gentle as he can, his fingers mindlessly caressing your breast to try to soothe your nerves. Or maybe it's just because he's a selfish bastard. Whatever it is, he forces himself to bring the clamp to your nipple, securing it around it.

"Take a few deep breaths. This will only take a second of pain and then it will go away." He misses the way your mouth falls open, but he doesn't miss the way your eyes squeeze tight as the needle goes in.

"Ah!" he definitely doesn't miss that either. He goes rigid for a second, because that didn't fucking sound like a cry of painfulness. It's breathy, and whiny, not too loud and, for fucks sake, if that's how you sound when you're getting fucked, he swears to God-

He feels your heartbeat under his hands when he puts the barbell in and then the bandage over it. He takes a look at you, chest moving up and down. And then you take a look at him and what he sees is almost enough to take you right there.

Reddened cheeks, drops of sweat framing your face and those eyes glazed with something he's seen too much in the women he's fucked throughout his life. They're half lidded, mascara adorning your long lashes and almost smudged, looking right through him.

"Jungkook..." and your voice, as you say his name -acknowledging him for the first time since you stepped into his shop, for the first time since you were sixteen-, it's hoarse, almost inaudible, like you just came all over his-

He's on his feet in an instant like he's been burned. "It may bleed for the first week, and it can be really sore. The swelling will eventually come down." he's quickly tidying up the table, a bottle in his hand that he hands to you without looking directly. "Wash it gently with this soap and warm water once per day. Don't touch it. Wear a comfortable...bra. If it gets crusty, clean it with saline. Not alcohol or any other thing you might clean a wound with. The soap I just gave you or saline. Nothing else."

He's pacing around the room as he takes his gloves off and throws them in the trash bin, too agressively maybe, then he keeps rambling, like he's hurriedly trying to make you leave as soon as possible. "Avoid pools and the sea. It takes about six months to a year to heal, so don't... don't touch it, don't play with it or..." he clears his throat, "don't let anyone else play with it. And if it gets infected, come back immediately and I'll take a look at it." which he honestly hopes it won't happen. When he faces you, your top is back on and you're getting off the table.

"Alright, um...I'll do that." clearing your throat, your hand gripping the doorknob. "Thank you."

But right before you can exit the room, Jungkook says your name.

"_____." when you turn around to face him, it takes a few seconds for him to make eye contact from across the room. "It was good to see you."

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"Let me see!"

It's the first thing Chaelin says when she opens the door to her appartment. It's on the second floor, small enough to compare it to most expensive appartments you'd stayed in throughout your life, but big enough for Chaelin, her cat and her -impressive- collection of acrylic nail kits and pairs of high heels. It's also big enough for her to offer you the only guest room until summer is over so you didn't have to, one, stay at your parents' place, and two, find an appartment in a short period of time for a short period of time.

When you left years ago, you did so with the thought of 'never looking back'. You never really expected to return here, of all places. Maybe visit your best friend for a weekend at most, have dinner with your parents on a saturday and then go back to the new life you'd made for yourself on a sunday.

But that was before you'd caught Adam cheating.

Tale as old as time: childhood sweethearts get engaged, move in together, son of a bitch sleeps with the assistand he told his girlfriend not to worry about, and then the brokenhearted girl packs her bags and leaves the cheating bastard begging for her to come back.

You'd be lying if you said you were surprised.

Throughout your life, you'd learned to expect many things, regardless of being sheltered and babied by your family since you were born. Watched too much Maury and Dr.Phil. Too much Gossip Girl to know what the deal with life really is.

So, thankfully, you'd only shed a few tears, mostly because your ego and self steem were slightly triggered. You'd realize long before that your feelings for Adam started to disappear once he popped the question and you said yes. Your love story began as teenagers but soon after graduating, the two of you went on different paths: you'd matured, grown into your twenties while he got stuck at 17 and never stopped acting as such.

So yeah, whatever, break ups are hard. But they're not as hard when the love is gone and the sole reason to stay with your partner is to please your parents. You were also right when you expected your mom to tell you to 'forgive and forget' because 'those things just happen, it's not a big deal, honey'.

But above all things, the last thing you expected to happen when you came back was to show your tits and get pierced by none other than motherfucking Jeon Jungkook.

Jeon Jungkook. Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie.

The lanky nerd with braces, glasses and an anime obsession much bigger than his hentai obsession, which is saying a lot. The shy, awkward classmate who'd stuttered his undying crush for you when you were just kids. That one who you had rudely rejected like the bitch you used to be in high school.

But my God, Jeon Jungkook was anything but a kid now.

You were shocked. You were gagged. Couldn't seem to fathom what was happening and what your eyes were seeing. It took you a while to close your mouth when you realized JK was Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie.

With messy black hair, a smoldering gaze free of glasses, piercings adorning both ears, and his right eyebrow,, the braces long gone showing perfectly straight - but still bunny like- teeth. The clothes he wore were loose, all black, but it was impossible not to notice the muscles of his back and arms, covered with tattoos from his hands to his forearms. You'd bet there were more of them underneath the fabric.

It was awkward at first. You didn't know what to do, or what to say. Didn't know if he rememberd you. So you chose to stay quiet while your body chose to react like it had never been in the presence of an attractive young man in it's entire life.

And oh, did it react.

He was reluctant, his old timid demeanor peeking through his newly adopted persona. But as soon as those hands came in contact with your skin, your whole body was lit on fire. Like you were 16 and losing your virginity over again and it was the first time a dude touched your boobs.

There shouldn't have been anything erotic about it -besides the fact that your entire breasts were exposed-, it should've been just a professional procedure. But those gloved fingers touched and pinched and suddenly you were too aware of Jeon Jungkook and the way you were starting to sweat profously, not due to the heat of the season.

You tried to distract yourself by looking at the cieling and not at his gorgeous face. Tried to avoid thinking about Jeon Jungkook and how his mouth would feel wrapped around you. Tried not to think about the way your panties were a second skin to your folds, and how tempted you were to grind your hips until you recieved some sort of friction with the jean fabric of your shorts. You wonder if he noticed you squeezing your thighs together. You hope not.

And then the needle happened. You never thought of yourself as a particularly kinky person. Sex with Adam was boring for the most part and you'd lost your libido for a long time. Stopped thinking about sex altogether. But the pain. The pain mixed with his hand rubbing soothing circles on your breast and his voice, as sweet as honey, guiding you through it. It made you reconsider a lot of things you'd once dismissed as 'weird' or 'deviant'

You swear you almost came right on his table.

And then your eyes connected, you made the mistake of calling his name like a satisfied woman who still needed more, and it was all gone. He stood up like a scared cat, gave you a bunch of explanations about the aftercare that you barely grasped without even looking at you and pretty much rushed you to leave.

So you walked, all the way from the tattoo parlor to Chaelin's appartment, mortified, and completely humilliated.

"Are you gonna let me see or not?" your friend says expectantly as you finally sit down after chugging a glass of iced water. You sigh, placing the glass on the table before carefully pulling down your top. "Oh my God, it looks so cool!" she gasps and you can't help a smile while she studies it in amazement. "Did it hurt?"

"Um, I guess." you keep out the part where you almost orgasmed, obviously, stopping her hand from touching when she reaches towards you. "Wait, no. He said something about not touching it for like six months or a year, I don't remember."

At that, Chaelin's eyebrows quirk up. "He? It was a he? Was he cute, at least?"

"You won't believe this..." looking away for a few seconds, you take a deep breath. "It was Jeon Jungkook."

There's a pause, a silence that fills the room when Chaelin's jaw drops. "Jeon Jungkook...pierced your nipple?"

You close your eyes, bracing yourself for what you're a hundred percent sure is coming.

"Ha..." there it is. "Ha ha..." you still know there's more. "Ha ha ha..."

Chaelin laughs hysterically for about God knows how long, while you keep drinking your glass of water unfaced, your mind drifting back to Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie, his tattoos and his stupid gloved hands.

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You know he's here.

Everything was cool, you were doing alright, having a great time with your vodka sprite in hand and your cute white bikini on. Chaelin was by your side, the guys were excited to have you back and thankfully, you'd avoided most questions about Adam and they'd avoided digging too deep into the topic. You'd sunbathed the whole afternoon, kept away from the water like he'd told you and ate the Hawaiian pizza Yoongi insisted on ordering despite Namjoon's and Jimin's complaints.

It's at night, when you're a little tipsy and your cheeks are flushed, that you feel it. You'd barely noticed Taehyung disappearing to let in a new guest.

You don't see him, but you feel him.

You're sitting on the pool tile steps, legs dangling and the water baely reaching your belly to make sure it doesn't touch your very sensitive and newly pierced nipple. Your back is facing the sliding glass doors of Hoseok's house, but the moment you hear his voice, smooth but animated as he converses with Taehyung, your body wakes up immediately, back straightening, goosebumps forming on your arms and nipples tightening against the fabric of your two piece.

You don't turn around, instead opting for downing the remaining of your drink and coming to the realization that, of course, Taehyung, social butterfly who'd always got along with everybody and remained friends with most people from high school, still keeps in touch with Jungkook.

You ignore him when he enters the pool, still peering from the corner of your eyes while pretending to be engaged in Chaelin's and Jihyo's conversation. Your mind sabotages you by taking you to that day a week ago at the tattoo parlor.

To the warmth of his hand, to the few strands of hair that his small ponytail couldn't keep together, to the way his eyes focused on such an intimate part of your body, to the endless ink decorating his skin, to-

Great. Now your bottoms are wet and not due to the water.

You don't miss Chaelin supressing a laugh and her not so subtle elbowing. You glance at her in warning and try to keep calm for the next fifteen minutes until Jin proposes moving to the living room to watch a movie.

"I'm gonna stay here for a little longer, guys." you say, after clearing your throat. You needed some time to gather yourself before being in a confined space with Jungkook.

"Are you sure?" Jin stops by your side to place a hand on your shoulder as everybody starts exiting the pool. "It's Mean Girls! You love Mean Girls! You never miss a minute of Mean Girls!"

Rolling your eyes, you wave him dismissively. "I know every dialogue on Mean Girls like the back of my hand, I think I'll be alright, Jin."

When everybody finally leaves, you take a deep breath, covering your face with your hands in an attempt to get him out of your head. Damn Jeon Jungkook and his irresisitble glow up.

"You okay?"

The unexpected voice startles you, a gasp finding its way out of your mouth and causing you to jump on your seat, heartbeat erratic as you instantly recognize who it belongs to. Your hand grasps your chest as if that would do anything to protect yourself against him.

"Shit, don't do that!" you say, the words almost getting stuck in your throat as you see him approaching you, still submerged in the pool. The more he nears you, the less water depth there is and the more visible his torso comes into view. Wich was exactly what you'd been avoiding.

Because Jeon Jungkook was ripped, as you'd imagined when you first encountered him.

Broad shoulders and strong biceps and chiseled abs and veiny forearms. Drenched hair, a full sleeve of tattoos and water dripping from delicious tan skin and all just so very hard. That paired up with a loopsided smile that does nothing but make you shudder.

"Sorry." he doesn't sound apologetic at all when he says that, the smirk adorning his features telling. "You just seemed a little off." you advert your gaze when he pushes his hair back.

"I'm fine, just...just wanted to be by myself."

"Oh" Jungkook's smile disappears. "I can leave, if you want me t-"

"No!" you're not sure where that comes from and neither does he, judging by the look on his face when your eyes find his. Eyebrows raised and mouth slightly parted, he's as surprised as you and there's an awkward silence for a few seconds. "Um, you don't have to. I mean, it's not my house, you can do whatever you want." you sniff and tame your voice, trying to seem cool and collected like you didn't just practically beg him not to go.

Ironic, considering this was exactly what you had been fearing for the past thirty minutes.

And then he smiles. A knowing smile. A smile that says 'you just totally checked me out and now you don't want me to leave'. A smile that you would have never associated with Jeon Jungkook of all people years ago. A smile that makes you want to look away but still keeps you in place.

"Sure." he says, closing the space between the two of you slowly but still leaving enough distance. "So, how's it going?"

You clear your throat, head high and determined not to let this man, or any man for that matter, turn you into a trembling mess. You're still you and you're not easily shaken by the opposite sex. Or at least that's what you helplessly chant in your head.

"Everything's cool. I'm on summer vacation now," a little white lie, "so I decided to-"

"The piercing." he says, the smile never leaving his face. "I meant how's the piercing."

"The pier- right." you almost miss the step he takes forward, all too aware of his height over yours but thankful for the centimeters that being propped on the stairs added to yours. "It's-" you almost, almost miss his knee touching your knee and him slightly separating your legs with his own inch by inch. Or how your thighs open unvoluntarely to welcome him in and how you can barely find coherent words to speak. "It's doing-" or the way his smile disappears and is instead focusing his dark stare fully onto yours.

"It's doing well." you finally say in a whisper, not being able to bring yourself to be louder.

He hums. "May I see it?" Jungkook wets his lips with the tip of his tongue and the action and his voice is enough to make you nod your head, bewitched.

His movements are unhurried, his hand coming up to tentatively come in contact with the flesh of your clavicle. His fingers skim through your skin upwards, his touch is feather-like when it wraps around your throat. You pant, and he stops but he doesn't move away, his eyes still focused on yours, studying you, daring you to pull back, to tell him to back off. But just a simple touch of his and you're fully under his control. It reminds you too much of the day you got that damn piercing.

Your lips are parted and for a moment he stays just like that. His body so close to yours but not close enough, and his hand slightly gripping your neck. Your pussy clenches around nothing and you can't wrap your head around the fact that something so simple sets your entire being alive and leaves you aching.

Then, as slow as he started, his hand travels from the front of your neck to the back, pushing your hair aside to carefully untie the straps of your bikini. He breathes through his nostrils, doesn't make a sound. He seems so collected it's starting to annoy you.

Instead, your breathing is ragged when the top falls down, exposing both your breasts to him. That's when he removes his eyes from yours and his jaw clenches. Your nipples perk up under his gaze, like they remember him and the effect he had on them just a week ago. You're at least glad you're not the only one affected but he seems to be a master at keeping it under wraps.

Then, his hand moves again, leaving goosebumps on your skin as it goes south. Jungkook takes his time, so deliberate you want to scream, until he's cupping your pierced breast, keeping away from the nipple just like he'd advised you a few days prior. You can't look away from his face, from his eyes observing you like you're a full course meal and he's been starving for days. You feel drops of water falling from his hair to your thighs, his thumb caressing your skin so delicately as it faintly nears your still tender nipple. Just nearing it, never touching it.

"Beautiful." his murmur is almost imperceptible and for a moment you think you've imagined it. Your back arches on its own, breast pushed against the palm of his hand, almost like your body is begging him to come closer, to touch you more, to feel you all over. He meets your eyes briefly, gauging your reaction, before going back to your chest. Suddenly, the grip on your breast tightens, fingers ever so softly squeezing your flesh. From your throat comes a mewl, your eyes shut and your legs close around his waist.

"Jungkook, please..." you whisper when you open your eyes. He looks at you, unvertainty written all over his face, lips bruised as if he had been biting on them too hard, gaze as glassy as yours. And just like that, the spell is broken. He blinks and his expression changes completely. Lips forming a straight line and jaw tight. His hand retracts, fixing your bikini top over your breasts before tying it around your neck like it originally was. Meanwhile your eyebrows crunch in confusion. But when you're about to start asking questions, he clears his throat.

"It's healing okay." he steps back, avoiding your eyes. "I'll see you inside."

Jungkook leaves the pool like nothing happened.

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Jungkook is fiddling, fixing the position of his glasses and combing through his straight hair with shaky hands, habits he's tried so hard to get rid of in his sixteen years of existence but still finds impossible to.

He can't help it. He's always been like this: the quiet and awkward kid in class who sits in the back, a misunderstood puppy in a sea of stronger dog breeds that could eat him alive. An outcast. Too geeky for his own good. Notebokes full of Dragon Ball doodles on the margins of the pages, the shelves in his room stacked with Marvel figurines, and a closet filled with outdated clothes that he has been inheriting from his older brother.

He has never been the type to stand out, always being overlooked by people like he's invisible. He doesn't mind though. He'd much rather be ignored than getting picked on by bullies like he used to in elementary school.

He never gets invited to parties. Ever. He's a nobody who barely speaks, and when he does he either stutters or manages to embarrass himself in one way or another. He's seen the look on people's faces when they look at him. Their eyes seem to scream 'weirdo' everytime he gets acknowledged.

So obviously the only reason he was invited to this particular party had a first and last name: Kim Taehyung. The only kid in Jungkook's entire life who didn't look at him in a funny way, the only kid who took the time to entangle in a random conversation with him after class and who seemed geniune enough to make Jungkook feel comfortable.

He's not sure how it happened, since Taehyung mostly hangs out with the cool kids. But somehow it did, and now Jungkook is uncomfortably standing in a living room full of drunk teens, looking directly at you.

You, the one girl Jungkook had been pining on for God knows how long. You, who are obviously too pretty, too popular, and way out of his league. You, with your plaid skirt and your polo shirt and those legs that never seem to end. You, who are sitting with your friends in a couch, drink in hand and visibly tipsy. And yet, he doesn't think he's ever seen anyone pull of the 'drunk-rosy-cheek' look better than you.

He can hear your laugh through the music and he already thinks it sounds better than whoever is playing in the background.

"Come on, Gukkie! Her friends are leaving and she's all by herself now! It's your chance" Taehyung's obviously drunk too because it took Jungkook a while to decypher his exact words. He'd disappeared for a while and now that he's back, he's pushing Jungkook in your direction.

"This was a mistake, Taehyung." Jungkook shakes his hair and steps back, quickly glancing at the front door to prepare his escape. But his new friend's grip on his hoodie keeps him in place.

"Guk, listen. The only thing you have to do, is walk up to her, and say 'hey I think you're, like, really pretty. Just letting you know. Bye!' That's it. Jung- Dude, Guk, seriously, look at me." Taehyung grabs Jungkook's cheeks, squishing them between his hands and forceing him to face him. "You've been crushing hard on her for years, my man. We're graduating and you won't see each other again. What's the worst thing that can happen? Getting rejected?"

Jungkook's eyebrows draw together. "Um, yeah?"

"Exactly! Getting rejected is not the end of the world, bro! It just means keep trying on other girls!" Taehyung releases his hold on Jungkook's cheeks. "I just think you're going to regret not telling your crush she's your crush. Who knows? Maybe in the future you two will get married."

Jungkook snickers, muttering a 'yeah right' under his breath. Still, he can't help the smile that Taehyung's words always seem to pull out of him.

"Now," Taehyung playfully slaps Jungkook before turning him in your direction again. "Go get 'em, tiger!"

"Okay," Mijoo's voice slices through Jungkook's memories. She's sitting on Jungkook's desk, munching on her brownies and looking at her coworker expectantly. "And then what?"

He sighs, running a hand through his hair, sits back on his chair, already feeling the effects of Mijoo's baked goods. "And then I walked up to her, like a damn fool, stutter and all. And I say:" he clears his throat, making an effort to do his best teenage Gukkie impression."'Hey, _____, um, so, I think you're beautiful and I've had a crush on you since seventh grade, haha, just wanted to let you know.'"

Mijoo rolls her eyes, still chewing. "And then what?"

"And then she looked me up and down, giggled, fucking giggled, Mijoo, and said 'Who are you, again?'" Mijoo gasps and Jungkook closes his eyes, trying to force that recollecion out of his head.

"What a bitch." she can't help but laugh before apologizing. Jungkook merely shrugs his shoulders and takes another bite of his brownie. "She didn't say anything else?"

"She said something along the lines of:" he clears his throat again, this time, doing an impression of you. "'That's sweet and all but, you and I... we're not the same. And I have a boyfriend, so...' She said that like I didn't know, like I wasn't aware of the school's it couple! Like I was dumb!"

Mijoo nods. "And now you want to fuck her even more than you did in high school."

"I- No! Well, yes. Fuck, of course I want to sleep with her! But I just... can't."

"Why not?"

"Did you hear anything about what I just told you or were you too concentrated trying to get high?"

It's Mijoo's turn to roll her eyes. "I heard everything you just told me. I just don't understand what the problem is. You two were sixteen. Sure, she was a bitch about it, but Lord knows I've been a bitch my entire life and now I'm not anymore." Jungkook raises an eyebrow at that. "Okay, sometimes I can be nice. But the point is..." Mijoo finishes her piece of brownie before getting off of Jungkook's desk. "It's been, what? Nine? Ten years? People change, JK. You're the best example of that. You want to fuck her and she obviously wants to fuck you too. You're both adults." she wipes her hands on her shorts. "I think it's time you fulfill that high school fantasy of yours."

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You've made up your mind.

And by you, it means Chaelin has made up your mind.

It didn't take long to convince you though. That last interaction with Jungkook cause too many emotions stirring within you. It left you hot, it left you bothered, it left you confused. Sure, it also left you a little bit embarrassed like the first time, but above everything else, that interaction with Jungkook left you absolutely livid.

Because who the fuck did Jeon Jungkook, formerly known as Guk, Gukkie, Jungukkie, and currently known as JK, think he was to come near you, speed your heart rate's up, and then runaway like that?

You've spent days thinking about it. About that face, about that body, about those hands and- shit. You're doing it again.

You've spent days trying to push those intrusive thoughts. Spent days trying to bury what happened. You've spent days trying to keep quiet, not telling anyone about it and just wishing that stupid spark of desire simply went away.

But it has just been simply unavoidable. You haven't been able to ignore the sleepless nights with your brain drifting back to that night and forbidding your hand from slipping under your panties. Or the excessive amount of time during the day where images of him suddenly popped in your head and wouldn't go away, even with you squeezing your thighs to try to make the ache go away.

So you ended up ranting and ranting and ranting to the only person you could confide on, who is obviously your best friend. Your best friend, who's too smart for her own good and knows you too well for your liking. Because apparently your moodiness and snappy remarks couldn't go unnoticed.

And after explaining the fiasco over a bottle of wine -and minutes of endless laughing on Chaelin's part because, again, it's Gukkie you two were talking about and, according to her, this was "the most karmic thing I've ever seen"-, she gave you the best advice an older sister could ever give.

"Fuck him."

"I know right? Fuck him!"

"No. I mean, fuck him."

And now here you are. Right inside that room you stepped in weeks ago, confronting the man in question with the same confidence that has always distinguished you from others and trying to act like the fluttering inside your belly wasn't nauseauting.

"A date."

"Yes."

"You want to go on a date with me." this wouldn't be so hard if Jungkook didn't look so delectable in a plain white t-shirt and ripped jeans. You cross your arms over your chest, doing your best to not look down at the exposed skin of a man who obviously worked out a lot and apparently, never skipped leg day. "What's the catch?"

He's sitting on his chair, back resting comfortably and legs spread, narrowing his eyes at you and probably wondering why the girl at the front desk let you in without an appointment. Also, probably wondering if there was a catch to all of this.

"There's no catch. I just want to go to the fair this weekend. I'll ask Taehyung for your number and text you the date and the exact place we'll be meeting. Unless..." your quirk one of your eyebrows. "Unless you're already planning on how you'll chicken out this time."

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Of course, Jungkook says yes to going on a date with his high school crush but spends the following days overthinking every single thing.

He can't help but feel like it's kinda sketchy. What if you're planning your vendetta on him? What if you don't even show up and he ends up there looking like a damn idiot? What if you hate him and are just messing up with him? What if that incident in high school is going to repeat itself?

"If she doesn't show up, you simply move on and never speak to her again. It's that simple. She can't have that much power over you to cry about something like that." Mijoo had said that same day she let you in the tattoo parlor after you'd asked to see Jungkook. Jungkook's coworker hadn't even question you and just motioned you to Jungkook's room with a knowing smile on her face. Later that day, Jungkook had scolded her about it and she'd simply shrugged.

He considers cancelling, eyes reading the 'won't be able to make it, sorry (sad face emoji)' over and over again and fingers hovering over the send button so many times he's lost count. But then he remembers that comment of yours about him chickening out and Jungkook starts seeing red.

How couldn't you understand he's just terrified of you rejecting him one more time? Sure, Jungkook is now an adult who doesn't get butthurt over stuff like that. He's experienced too much after graduating from high school and he's a much stronger individual than his fragile self back was back then.

But something about you just makes him feel so... weak.

He still finds it impossible to concieve where he got the courage to approach you like that at Taehyung's pool, or how he brought himself to touch you for longer than a minute without coming in his pants. He'd enjoyed it too much. Allowing him to see you so exposed, just for him. He'd be so tempted to kiss you right there and then, to run his hands up and down your thighs and fully wrap your legs around him to let you known how much you'd affected him. Once you called his name, it was like he'd finally snapped out of it and backed away like he'd been burned by you. He spent the next twenty minutes trying to keep himself from pulling down his pants and jerking off in his friend's bathroom.

It's terrible. Because he feels like the teenager he used to be when you're around. Shy, insecure and overall a mess. You showing up in his life after so many years and now apparenly being interested in him seems like a dream that he's not sure he wants to keep being in or wake up from before it's too late and he falls back into that tumoltuous longing that will inevitably end up in heartbreak. His heartbreak.

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It's saturday night, he's standing by himself in the crowded fair at the spot. You're fifteen minutes late and he's already about to turn back and dip out. He feels too awkward and the nerves are eating him alive.

You're not going to show up. You're not going to show up and now he feels and looks even dumber than the time he told you he was crushing on you. You're not even going to show up and now he's going to come back home, get drunk by himself and curse your name for-

"Hey!" he turns around to the sound of your voice and sees you running towards him. "Sorry I'm late! I couldn't find my phone and spent like thirty minutes looking for it. Turns out, Sharon Stone, was taking a nap on top of it and I didn't even notice."

"Sharon Stone?"

"Chaelin's cat."

To be honest, he's too surprised to process your explanation right away. He might also be a little speechless because that sky blue sundress looks too good on your skin and your eyelashes are so long, framing your beautiful eyes, and your lips are all glossy and kisseable that it takes him a while to find his own voice.

He clears his throat. "It's alright." scratching the back of his head, he momentarely adverts his gaze from you in an attempt to not get distracted by how soft your hair looks and how much he wants to wrap it around his hands in a ponytail. "Um, where do you want to go first?"

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Almost an hour and a half later, when the sun has already disappeared and you're both surrounded by colorful lights, Jungkook decides to buy the both of you hot dogs and a drink and you both settle down on a bench.

You've been walking all over the fair, going from booth to booth, playing any game in sight Jungkook dared you to -he obviously had a competitive streak-: from the ballon and dart games, to the shooting games, to the bumping cars, to the ball-in-basket one. To say you were having fun was an understatement.

You'd almost regretted setting the date up. You were sure he wouldn't even show up and if he did, you were scared of how awkward things could get between the two of you. And if things were awkward, you were sure it would only take less than thirty minutes for the both of you to part ways and never talk again about such failure of a date.

To your surprise, none of that happened.

The conversation was flowing, both of you acting like you were strangers on their first date getting to know each other, which, to be fair, that's exactly what it felt like. There was a slight banter, teasing each other when one of you lost in whatever game you were playing while the other was obviously winning. There were laughs and a funny feeling in your tummy whenever you'd walk side by side and his arm brushed yours.

There was no stiffness on his shoulders, no mention of the past or your previous encounters, no acknowledgement of the blatant sexual tension you'd experienced before, not an ounce of avoidance whenever your eyes met his and he was even sure of himself enough to place a hand on your lower back or briefly interwine your fingers with his to guide you through the mass of people.

It felt like you'd both unspokenly agreed on making each other feel comfortable enough to have a good time.

"I didn't think you were going to show up, to be honest." you suddenly say, taking a sip of your strawberry juice and thankful to finally let your feet rest for a while.

Jungkook looks at you, hot dog mid air and eyebrows almost disappearing into his hairline. "You didn't think I was going to show up? I didn't think you were going to show up." you simply shrug, lowering your gaze seepishly, the beginning of a smile on both your faces. He surprises you by tilting your head in his direction with his forefinger. You watch him watching you, a little dazed, a little lost in how his dark hair messily falls over his forehead and his equally dark eyes study your face, his thumb swiping over your lower lip. "You um... There was ketchup right there." he lies.

"Oh" you say, feeling your face heating up. "Thanks. Red doesn't really match this dress." you manage a smile and tuck a lock of your hair behind your ear.

At that, he eyes your dress for a moment, mouth slightly ajar. He's debating on whether or not to say something but you beat him to it.

"I'm sorry, by the way."

"For being late? I already told you it's fin-"

"No." you shake your head. "For... that time when we were young and I was such a concieted brat." you say, looking away , trying to find anything else that's not his pretty face. "I thought I was a queen bee back then. I was annoying and rude, specially to you. I..." you lick your lips. The cherry glittery gloss was already gone. "I thought it was cute, what you said. There was no reason for me to act like that. I know this doesn't make anything right but..." when you turn to face him again, there's still the same expression on his face. "I'm sorry."

A few seconds go by before it's him who's shaking his head. "It's okay. It was a long time ago, anyway." he smiles at you, although it doesn't reach his eyes and seems sorta forced. You sigh, and he takes your hand. "Let's go to the ferris wheel."

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tell you're tense. You're sitting right beside him in the ferris cabin, your back is all straight, you're facing forward and he believes you haven't blinked for what feels like an eternity. He thinks it has everything to do with your conversation a few minutes ago. You were probably not content with his response but what could Jungkook do? There was really no point in apologizing for something that happened years ago, but at the same time, he didn't want to hold anything against you like a resentful asshole because it was really not who he was. But there was still a little bit of stingyness inside of him and he didn't know how to make it go away.

At the end of the day, here you were, on a date with him that you'd asked for, getting along and asking questions about him and laughing at his jokes and trying to start all over again.

But then the ferris wheel starts moving, and he finally understands why you look so uncomfortable.

It's the way you immediately grip his forearm, nails digging in his skin and he swears he hears the smallest gasp forcing itself out your throat.

"Are you... scared?" he tentatively asks.

You say nothing for a while, not moving an inch. He would laugh if you didn't look so pained about it.

"I don't like small confined spaces nor rollercoasters." you finally say through gritted teeth.

"It's not really that small and ferris wheels are not rollercoasters. " your nails dig deeper and he winces. "Okay, okay. You don't like small confined spaces nor rollercoasters, and that includes ferris wheels. So why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. I've never liked ferris wheels but you seemed excited about it, so..."

There's a silence after that in the environment, neither of you exactly sure of what to say or how to act. Until Jungkook moves one of his hands hands until it's resting on the one who's holding onto him for dear life, fingers caressing yours. The warmth of his hand spreads through yours and although it's almost July and you can already feel your sweaty back staining your dress, it's oddly comforting. What's more comforting even, is him twisting his body towards you and talking with the calmest and most soothing tone you've ever heard.

"Look at me." you do instantly, unwillingly, and kinda wish you hadn't. It's almost as if your body will do anything he says without question. Like he has some sort of power over it to just react however he wants. His eyes bore into yours and suddenly the cab doesn't seem so suffocating. "It's just you and me right now. We're not even on a ferris wheel." the corners of his mouth turn slowly upwards. You zone out the environment, suddenly too aware of him and how close he is and how loud the beating of your heart is to your own ears.

"Jungkook."

You swallow the knot in the back of your throat when he removes his hand from yours. It almost makes you protest, - now realizing you've losened the tight grip on his arm- , before it craddles your face, keeping you in place while bringing his body closer.

"You have to stop saying my name like that."

With his thigh touching your thigh, your whole demeanor melts. When he leans closer, and you feel his breath fanning over your lips, your eyes shut closed.

"Tell me I can-" he starts to say.

"Yes." you finish for him. He doesn't doubt on closing the distance between you two. His lips touch yours and your body shakes in excitement. It's just him lightly skimming your lips with his but it's already too much and at the same time, not enough. It has you deepening it, yourself moving closer when he kisses you again. It has you relaxing against him, the tenseness prior disappearing and making you arch your back when his tongue asks for permission.

But it's exactly then, the moment you open your lips to him, that has you losing your mind.

The sparks fly, traveling from your head to your toes and then settling on the pit of your stomach as soon as the kiss starts to turn desperate and rough. When he nibbles your lips with his teeth, it makes you mewl and whine and your nipples tight against the cotton of your dress. It makes the metal barbell to feel uncomfortable, slightly painful. And when he goes back to being messy and filthy with his tongue tangled with yours, your thighs close on their own.

He forces himself to pull his hand back and bring it down, finding the parting of yd opening them for him. "Wait," you say, your fingers wrapping around his forearm as you try to catch your breath."The ferris-" he shuts you up with another kiss.

"We're not on a ferris wheel." he reminds you, a soft whisper against your mouth. And for whatever reason, you believe him.

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"He fingered you on the ferris wheel."

"Yes."

"And you came before the ride was over."

You take a small sip of wine, your eyes focusing on the TV where a rerun of the Golden Girls is playing, although, to be fair, lately you haven't been able to pay much attention to anything else but a certain brunet with doe eyes and kisseable lips. "Yes."

She hums, stealing a handful of popcorn from the bowl between your thighs.

"How long did it took? Like five minutes?"

There's a pause in which you clench your jaw, your fingers twitching around the glass in your hand, and then you answer. "Probably less."

There's another pause, and then-

"Ha...Ha ha...Ha ha ha-"

You let her laugh. It's okay. You knew you had it coming.

Chaelin knows the pillow you throw right at her face is also something she had coming.

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It's not that you're mad.

Jungkook and you had a great time on that fair date, he made you laugh, bought hot dogs and drinks for the two of you and got you off inside the cab of a ferris wheel on record time with those magical, long fingers of his. Technically, there shouldn't be anything to be angry about.

Except it's been a week and you can't stop thinking about him, about wanting more, and about those words that he left you with after the ferris wheel ride ended, when you had tried to return the favor.

'Next time, maybe.'

And there hasn't been a next time.

The thought of texting him or giving him a call to ask for another date is persistent in your mind. It remains while you do the laundry or wash the dishes, while you shower, while you eat or while you spend your days at the beach with Chaelin. There's always the incessant desire to reach out towards your phone, unlock it and dial his number to beg for more.

But you'd never been one to beg, so you resist the urge everytime that feeling starts to creep up on you and it washes over you like a wave. You silence your phone and try to concentrate on making the most out of your summer.

It's one random night, when you're tiredly dragging your feet across Chaelin's apartment's carpet, yawning and ready to succumb to a well needed slumber, that you see your phone screen's lighting up with a message.

Your heart pathetically leaps inside your chest when you read his name.

'you free on saturday?'

You wish you could say you ghosted him, ignored his text and moved on with your life until it was him who begged you for another date. But the truth is you opened it in a matter of seconds and typed 'i'm free, why?' back in a rush with trembling fingers.

So now you're on the passanger seat of his car while he sits on the driver seat, the first saturday night of July, like he's Danny Zuko and you're Sandy Olsson, watching a vintage movie in a drive-in theater which plot you don't give a shit about, even if Jungkook's date plan idea made something inside of you churn with adoration.

And the only reason why you don't give a single damn about the movie playing in front of your eyes, is because you're hot. Way too hot. And the reason and cause is none other than the boy-now-turned-man sitting on your left.

You barely exchanged words when he picked you up, just rode in silence until you got to your destination and you bet he can feel as well as you do the tension in the air.

You've surveyed him a few times from the corner of his eye, noticing him fiddling with the rings around his fingers and shifting in his seat from time to time. And if the sight of his fingers bring memories that you've tried to bury to keep yourself from lunching towards him, a brief glance at his forearms, adorned with ink drawn through his golden flesh -doing a poor job at concieling the veins running underneath- and his skin-tight jeans wrapping those muscled thighs of his is enough to have you be the one squirming in your seat.

A woman can only endure so much, and you come to that realization thirty minutes into the movie.

"I want to suck your cock." you say, a stern expression on your face as you turn your body in his direction.

Jungkook frozes as your voice slides over him. It takes him a couple seconds to look at you, shock widening his eyes and parting his lips.

"Huh?" he manages, his grip on the steering wheel turning his knuckles white.

Without separating your gaze from his, you gather your hair and tie it in a ponytail with the hair tie previously around your wrist. You don't miss the quick glance he sneaks into the curvature of your neck and the valley between your breasts.

Inching forward, closing in on him, you place one of your hands on top of his thigh, the action making his whole body tense. "____..." he whispers your name in a warning that doesn't sound convincing even in his own ears.

You smile, your eyes never wavering from his as your hand inches upwards, slowly caressing over the fabric of his jeans until you finally come across what you were looking for.

His hand flies to your wrist, stilling your movements. "____, this is not-". He starts, but his voice gets stuck inside his throat when you palm his undoubtly growing erection.

"Shh." your shaky breath fans over his cheek and you force yourself on your knees on the passanger seat in a more comortable possition to stop the trembling to reach them.

You fumble with the belt holding his pants in place, then with the button and finally with the zipper. He helps you by lifting his hips to pull his jeans and boxers to his thighs and you have to bite back a mixture between a gasp and a moan at the sight below you. You haven't even seen Jeon Jungkook naked all the way, but the mere sight of his hard cock with pre-cum glistening on his crown is probably the sexiest thing you've ever had the pleasure of appreciating.

It gets sexier when you wrap your hand around the base and his body melts in the driver seat, throwing his head back with his eyes shut. It gets even sexier when you finally lower your head, swirling your tongue over the head before finally engulfing him fully in the wet warmth of your mouth.

"Shit." his voice is tight, uneven as his hand loosely grips your ponytail, as if careful not to accidentally hurt you and break the glorious moment.

Although you wouldn't mind at all. Because the moment your hands are on him, and your tongue is on his shaft, that's the only thing you care about. Your belly is twisting, an undeniable wet spot on your panties as the fabric sticks to your folds, and the more you suck Jungkook, the more you want from him. His earthy taste is addicting and the soft little whimpers he occasionally can't prevent himself from are making you want to milk him until he can't take it no more. There's this desire within you to whorship him and his cock like you had been dreaming for the past weeks.

"This is s-so fucking h-hot." he rasps between ragged breaths, the bobbing of your head, sliding up and down his dick as your hand works the centimeters your mouth can't take is about to make him faint.

"Getting a blowjob?" you joke, your throat starting to feel sore as you kiss his leaking tip.

"N-no." he draws in a rough breath when you take him all of him again. "You giving me a blowjob... T-the f-fact that anyone c-could see us..." he darts a quick glance at your body, your ass up in the air and your dress sliding down, almost exposing you completely. "The fact that-ah! Shit..." he squeezes his eyes when he feels a glob of your spit lubricating him.

There's a sudden need to make you feel the same, to touch your skin and have you shaking the same way you have him. So one of his hands travels from your spine, to your perked ass, finally dragging the cotton of your dress to allow himself to see your thin white panties. "The fact that anyone could see you l-like this," he murmurs, regaining a little bit of control when he squeezes one of your cheeks. "letting t-them see you s-sucking my cock and..." he smirks when he feels you gasping around him, his fingers trapped between your thighs and pushing them inside your heat easily "and letting them see me fingering this pretty little pussy."

Soon after that he's cumming in your mouth while you're cumming around his fingers.

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At first, it's mostly on weekends when you see each other. Weekends of stolen kisses and soft sighs and whispering against each other's lips. Then weekends turn to week days, sitting on grass while sipping on refreshing beverages, drawing each other laughs, elbows touching as you walk around the park side by side because the both of you are too scared to interwine your fingers together.

Jungkook feels content like this: sitting on the sand with you between his thighs, admiring the sunset while nuzzing your neck and inhaling your scent every now. He likes waching you enoying your strawberry ice cream, almost forgetting the chocolate chip one already melting in his hand.

"If you were an ice cream flavor,which one would you be?" you ask him, relaxing against his chest.

"Rocky road."

"Why?"

He shrugs behind you. "Everyone likes rocky road."

You hum, playfully rolling your eyes. "What about me? Which ice cream flavor would I be?"

"Lemon sherbet, in the summer."

"Lemon sherbet? Out of all of the flavours out there, you're rocky road and I'm lemon sherbet?"

"Lemon sherbet, in the summer." he corrects.

"Okay, fine. Why?"

"You're boring and basic."

You gasp, trying to feign outrage but not being able to repress the laugh that escapes your throat. You elbow him, his laugh mixing with yours while taking the time to wrap his arms around your form, the breeze blowing your hair allowing him a spot between your neck and your shoulder. "You're boring and basic, but once you have a taste..." he presses a small kiss on your skin, causing the tiny hairs on the nape of your neck to rise. "Once you have a taste, specially on the hottest day in the middle of summer, you can't stop tasting and licking until there's no more lemon sherbet left."

You suck in on a breath when he craddles your jaw to face him. "It's been my favourite flavor since I was a kid." he kisses you immediately after, his lips swallowing the small whimper now stuck in your throat.

You close your eyes as his tongue opens your mouth, arousal blasting your insides and something much, much deeper that you fear to even name shredding your chest.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

The beginning of august comes faster then you two realize, but what you both do realize is how hard it's becoming to stay away from each other.

It's been thirty days of dates happening almost everyday, sharing high school memories and anecdotes of the time you spent away from each other. Hours of getting to know each other and opening up to each other. From failed relationships to new friendships. Of park dates walking side by side and fingers now interwined because you both realized one day that, fuck it.

It's difficult to sleep when you realize you're starting to catch serious feelings for somebody who was just supposed to be a fling. It's hard to sleep when his face, his voice and his touch and thoughts of missing him when you don't see each other start haunting you at night.

It's hard for Jungkook to focus on work when you're everything that's occupying his mind. Because he has a hundred sketches to make but he's too busy thinking about the hundred different sketches he would make of you.

It's hard not to send him a goodnight text, just like it's hard for him not to reply in a matter of seconds, almost as if he was already waiting to recieve it.

Jungkook thinks of you at night. Of how pretty and absolutely perfect you are for him. Of the taste of your lips, the way your hair feels between his fingers, or the flush on your cheeks when he makes you cum as droplets of sweat accumulate between your breasts. He thinks about your voice. He also thinks about the amount of hours left to be able to listen to it again.

But mostly he thinks about how ridiculous this situation is. Because he was stupidly crushing on you when you were only teenagers, daydreaming about a chance with you. And now his crush is long gone and he's starting to realize that he's falling, and falling fast.

You, too, think of Jungkook at night. Of his ability to bring a smile out of you, to soothe you with just a few words and filling your belly excitement, happiness and feelings you're sure you've never felt before.

Jungkook's managed to imprint himself in your dreams, and you, in his.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

Getting drunk with Jungkook is fun and messy.

It's fun because he lets loose, he stutters a lot like he used to do when he was a teenager and he makes you laugh louder than ever before. It's messy because he has no control over his hands as they explore your body, clumsily taking your clothes off as his mouth laps at the breast he's allowed to touch.

He's more forceful and dominating too, pinning your hands above your head, and commanding you to keep them right there, on the pillows of his bed. When you rebel against it, your fingers finding the hard planes of his chest, he pulls away from you and places them back where he left them. "Don't make me tie you up." he threatens, and your body shudders beneath him.

He sucks, and bites and leaves marks all over your skin, grunting in response to your moans. Creating a path of kisses from your lips to your stomach, his shoulders separating your knees, opening you up only for him. And thankfully, when you reach down to tug at the strands of hair framing his face, he lets you, because he knows you need something to hold on to the moment his tongue eats you up. He leaves his fingertrips on your thighs as he keeps you in place, not allowing you to runaway. Just forcing you to take it as he takes from you.

And when you cum, he doesn't back away. He keeps sucking, and licking and punishing you with his mouth until you're cumming over and ove again, screaming and begging for his cock.

Having Jungkook over you, both completely naked, skin to skin and only sweat in between is more than you could've ever fantazised about. He slurls your name when he puts the condom on. He would do anything to feel you raw, but he also knows he wouldn't be able to last a minute. The sight of you spread open, with your cheeks darkened by a crimson blush and your hair tangled all over his pillow is a picture he wants to keep forever.

He enters you when you call his name, your voice dripping with need. He stretches your warm and wet felsh, slowly easing himself into you at first, until he's fully inside and your bodies are completely in union. A shiver runs down Jungkook's spine when he looks at your contorted face in pleasure, your lips forming an 'O' and your pussy clenching around him.

"Oh, my God." you moan into the dark of Jungkook's room, and even then, he can clearly appreciate every curve of your body lifting off the mattress to connect with his. He lowers himself on his elbows on either side of your head, caging you in and capturing your mouth with his.

"I know, baby." he murmurs. It's hot, in the middle of August but suddenly Jungkook doesn't hate summer as much as he used to. Not with you sharing the heat with him. "It's way beyond what I could ever imagine." You nod hurriedly against his lips, your arms finding their way around his neck as he starts rocking in and out of you.

"It's too good." you cry, when he hits a particular spot that has you rolling your eyes in bliss and gripping his waist tighter with your legs against you. Your fingers thread through his hair, not bothered by the beads of sweat gathered on the nape of his neck.

"Too good..." he agrees, not missing the shiver that's shaking your own frame when he picks up his speed. "You have no idea what I would do t-to fucking feel you with n-no barriers between us," his movements become frantic as his hips slap against yours, his jaw clenched as he keeps talking, "to s-stuff you full of my c-cum over and over again until it won't stop d-dripping."

Jungkook's voice against your ear has you trembling and your orgasm nearing closer, your nails scratching down his back as his thrusts overpower your form. "Would you like that?" he asks with his voice strangled.

"Y-yes. Anything y-you want."

"You'd take all of my cum like a good cum-slut?"

You hate the fact that that's what makes you come undone. The twisting and knotting in the pit of your stomach finally snapping until you're holding on to him like you never want to let him go and he's following soon after.

Because if Guk, Gukkie, Jengukkie was not only able to make you come in less than a few minutes with his fingers or his tongue, but he was also able to make you cum instantly just by calling you a good cum-slut, that means you're fucked. Like, really, really fucked.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

There's a knot in Jungkook's stomach and a suffocating grip around his vocal chords as he caresses your skin. The sun is rising in the distance with the first rays of light entering his room through the window. Your shamphoo is intoxicating him, numbing him and enticing him to bury his nose in the tangled curls pressing against his chest. Your arm is thrown across his stomach, your breathing leavig goosebumps all over his body.

"It's too early. Go back to sleep." you mumble against his heart. He wonders if you can feel it dangerously speeding up.

"I can't." he says, voice struggling to stay balanced. "I have to tell you something."

You hum in response, sleep still interwined with your body, your arm tightening around him. You sigh in content, expecting him to elaborate.

He wets his suddenly dry lips. "I don't want this to end. In fact, ____.... I want more. Need more."

"Jungkook..." your whole body goes rigid right away, untanglling your bodies from each other and sitting up on the mattress.

"No, listen to me." he mimicks your movements, rapidly grabbing your hands to make you look at him. His eyes are expressive, a mixture of fear and hope swirling in his dark irises. "I wake up everyday, and you're the first thing I think of. I go on about my day, and I keep thinking about you, wondering what you're doing and counting down the hours until I get to see you again. I spend every night dreaming about you, and when we'e together, the only thing I can think about is how I wish I could stop time so I don't have to say bye to you the next morning. ____, I-"

"Jungkook, stop please." you shake your head, pushing away from him and in desperate need of air. You press a hand against your chest, beating back the throb of pain while the other curls in a tight fist, the feeling of your fingernails digging into your palm less painful than the ache inside your heart. "This... This wasn't supossed to happen, Jungkook." you start pacing around the room, as if trying to find an exit while avoiding his gaze. "This was just a summer fling. That's all it was, I'm supposed to come back to the city in two weeks and-"

"A summer fling?" a sardonic sneer comes out of him. "Oh my God, I can't believe this is happening again..." he mumbles to himself before rising from the bed. You stop immediately, a shiver quaking through you as his impressive frame intimidates His eyebrows are drawn together and his dark eyes are void of any prior emotion. "You're going back to the city in two weeks? And you didn't care to tell me until now, after I just spilled my guts to you?"

You eyes fill up with uncomfortable tears, reaching one arm towards him. "Jung-"

He flinches, taking one step back. "A summer fling is all I mean to you?"

"Ju- "

"Look me in the eyes, right now, and tell me that's all I mean to you. A summer fling." panic crawls up your throat. There's the need within you to confirm, to stare into his beautiful and stern eyes and tell him that, yes, that's all he is to you. But you've never been a good liar. So nothing comes out. You opt for wrapping your ams around yourself wishing they were his and lowering your eyes to the ground. "I think... I think you should leave."

Those are the last words he says to you, and the last thing you see when you turn around one more time after gathering your clothes, is his back as he looks out the window.

You allow yourself to cry the exact moment you step into Chaelin's apartment. Your friend is sitting on the couch, bowl of cereal in hand and a fresh cup of coffee sitting on the livingroom's table.

"Hey, you're early tod- Baby, what's wrong?"

"Please, don't laugh."

That morning, you lay down for hours on the couch with your head on Chaelin's lap while she softly brushes your hair as you cry, hiccup, fight through the pain in your heart and relate to her as best as you can the latest events.

She doesn't laugh at all.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

"She'll come back." Mijoo's slurred words do nothing to put Jungkook's state at ease that night. He simply shrugs, fingers clenching at his sides, frowing into his drink before gulping down the bitter taste of vodka in one shot. "Seriously, I think she's just afraid. My ex was the same."

"Comparing her to your ex is not the analogy you think it is."

"Ugh, shut up. Things didn't work with my ex because she was a bitch." Jungkook gives Mijoo a pointed look which she responds to by rolling her eyes and sipping on her rum coke. "Your girl is not a bitch. She used to be a bitch. What she did this morning was bitchy, but, like I said, she's just being a pussy. If she only wanted sex with you, she wouldn't have been doing couple stuff with you the entire summer."

"Whatever. I don't care." he lies and Mijoo knows he's lying but decides to drop the subject fo now.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

"We can't keep spending our days smoking weed." Chaelin speaks over Blanche's voice on the TV.

"I know. I'm just sad."

"You have to come back and tell him how you feel."

"I know."

There's a beat of silence before your friend kicks your thigh with her feet.

"I know and I will." you mumble through red eyes and smoke clouds.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

It's September first and it doesn't feel like Jungkook's birthday at all. He's been trying to focus on his work, alternating between isolating in full hermit mode and hanging out with friends to drink away his sorrow. The days have gone by and before he could realize it, he woke up today with over twenty text messages wishing him a happy day and a throbbing hangover.

He dresses up on autopilot. First a cotton shirt, then a pair of jeans and lastly, his Nike's. He doesn't bother tying his sneakers just like he doesn't bother taking a shower. He smokes a cigarette for breakfast, the death stick making him feel nauseaus on an empty stomach. And then he goes to work.

He's been repeating the same routing for the past weeks and he's not thinking of changing it, not even on his bithday.

He spends hours drawing, tattooing and drawing some more between yawns. He ignores texts an phone calls and simply waits until the day is over to go home, go to bed and forget about the fact that you're probably on your way to the city and that he hasn't crossed your mind not even once.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

Inkphoria.

You've been standing outside the shop re-reading the word for fifteen minutes, although it definitely feels like it has been longer. You're gripping cup of ice cream as it melts down your fingers the more you wait. The shop is already empty and it's starting to darken out side, and still you're so hot. Your shorts are heavy and your tank top is sticking to your skin. You didn't even bother to put on any make, although your eyebags definitely needed some concieling and your lashes some dimension to hide the fact that you'd been crying for the last few days.

'You're crazy about him.'

Chaelin's voice echoes inside your head.

You've lost count of how many times your best friend has given your advice, or simply encouraged you to do something you've been too scared to try.

'And he's cazy about you too.'

Chaelin might be wrong about marmite and the movie Cats, but she's definitely now wrong about anything regarding your and Jungkook.

That's it. You briefly close your eyes, inhale a deep breath then release it slowly. You start walking. It doesn't take longer than three strides and you're pushing the door open.

The tattoed blonde looks up from the counter the second you come into view. She smiles at the distance between you two. "You can come closer. I won't bite."

You clear your throat, stalking closer to her. "Is he-"

"He's in the back." she replies before you can finish you question. You close your mouth, clear your throat and nod your head.

"Thanks, Mijoo." she gives you a small wink, her smile easing your nerves like she had three months ago.

She watches you disappear. She shakes he head, her smile meeting her eyes. "I told him so."

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

Jungkook ignores the knock on his door at first. It's almost ten and the parlor is about to close. He just has to finish this last fucking sketch so he can grab his shit and go the fuck ho-

Knock knock.

He growls, exhasperation cursing through him. He runs a hand through his messy pile of hair, his rings tangling between the strands, making him wince in pain. "Come in." he grunts under his breath. The door opens. "Mijoo, I really have to finish-"

He stops dead in his tracks as soon as he sees you.

"Hey." you say after a moment of hesitation.

"Hey." he replies and although there's something inside, deep in his chest, shouting at him to stand up, run up to you and kiss your face while he tells you how beautiful you look right now and how happy he is to see that you're still here, he decides against it. "Listen, ____, I'm pretty busy-"

"No, you listen to me." you cut him off abruptly. He looks taken aback and is already opening his mouth to say something, but you're not having it. "Please, just... Let me talk."

Silence looms between the two of you for a while, a staring contest defying each other to back down. When you take one step inside and close the door behind you, he sighs and leans back against his chair.

You move towards him slowly, your lip caught between your lip going through your mind for the speech you'd been preparing the last few days. Your hands are sticky due to the the sugary treat liquifying in your hand. "I know there's no reason you should give me another chance after rejecting you in high school, and there's definitely no reason why you should forgive me for the way I shut you out a few weeks ago. You've been confessing your feelings to me since we were teenagers, and now it's my turn to tell you exactly how I feel about you."

"Jungkook, the truth is... I like you so much. I like you more than I've ever liked anyone. Ever. I said this was just a summer fling, and I was lying. I was lying because there's no way a simple summer fling could make me feel the way you do. There's no way a simple summer fling could make me want not just summer with you, but also fall and winter, and spring and every summer that comes next."

You hadn't realize when your eyes filling up with tears until the sight of him starts blurrying in front of you. His fingers reach yours, his thumb comforting on your skin. "____, it's okay-"

"I'm not done yet." you sniffle, gathering enough courage to continue. "I brought you a lemon sherbet because you said it was your favourite. But you also implied I was your favourite, and I want to keep being you favourite, but now it's already melted and-"

The corners of Jungkook's lips start pulling upward as he tugs you towards him, his heart loudly jumping inside his chest. "Shhh, come here."

He takes the ice cream from your hand and places it on his desk. Then he's helping you onto his lap, your head tucked under his chin and your arms wapping on their own around his neck.

He doesn't care about your sticky fingers or the wet stains of your tears in his shirt. The only thing he cares about is the fact that you're right there, letting him engulf your frame and drown in the scent and warmth he'd misses so much.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

The first day of June has Jungkook sweating and wishing for a haircut. Jungkook usually hates summer. He hates the fact that he has to shower at least twice a day, and the fact that the heat is almost unbearable to sleep in and also the fact that he's easily sunburnt.

This year, however, Jungkook likes summer a little bit more.

"Excuse me, miss. Do you have an appointment?" it's the fact that you're starting to wear those summer dresses he loves so much, and the fact that your skin glows under the sun like glitter, and also the fact that he can lick ice cream off of it whenever he desires.

"I am the appointment." your giggle is almost childlike, playing with Jungkook's heart strings. You shut the door behind you, nearing him. You also seem to always have that flush on your cheeks. Although he likes to think part of it is due to him. He doesn't say anything else as he puts his pencil down and instead turns around in the chair to have you immediately on top of his thighs.

Yeah, he also likes the path your lips trace from his cheek, to his jaw, ending at the juncture between his neck and his shoulder. It still makes his body quaver to this day.

"Let me see." he murmurs against you forhear, his hand already working on unbottoning the front of your dress.

"Mijoo hasn't left yet." you whisper back, your smile impossible to supress and the faint whimper impossible to hide when his fingers expose your breast and tug at the titanium barbell adorning the already hardened nub.

Jungkook loves knowing he was the one to do that, and also the only one to play with it. He doesn't hesitate when he dips his head. "As if we'd ever cared about that." he adds, wrapping your sole point in his mouth.

He fucks you on his studio table with your legs around his waist and his tongue playing with both your breasts, the tattoo sketches long forgotten, scattered on the floor as he whispers against your flesh something that sounds a lot like 'I love you'.

[immagrosscandy]

okay. i'm doing this.

i just finished the valentine's day event and i have a LOT to say-

so this might get a little long, so if you want to read and share your opinion about it, i'd love to hear what you have to say

first,

i'm getting reeeeally annoyed that JC treats its audience as if it's stupid. not only with sidequests like this one, but in the main story too.

"i'm talking with this character about what love means to them! so that i can win the valentine's day event and get a ride with my special someone!" everytime you finish a task mc repeats these words. EVERY single time and it's becomes annoying.

i'm sure the audience can remember what the main task is and the prize we're getting. what are they doing this anyway?

second,

the amount of 8-hour tasks. that must be completed with all 5 starts.

why. why so many.

let me guess, so that players pay real money on your game so that they can finish it more quickly instead of waiting 3 or 4 hours for the energy like i do?

(unless you're using cheats, if only i could do it but for some reason it never works xd)

please JC PLEASE. your previous quests weren't as long as this one! they were fun and entertaining, they didn't take you that much time to finish

why suddenly there's this amount of long tasks to do?

third,

everyone, literally everyone drools for MC

at first i thought it was funny, like the romantic event in 2020: it seemed like everyone were enchanted by some love potion and suddenly they were all in love with MC

but then this thing repeats again and again and again and-

No. Please JC stop with it.

Not everyone will like MC that way, maybe they just see them as friends! But everyone being in love with our characters is illogical and dumb, comically dumb.

there are certain characters that actually fancy MC in the main story, like Penny and Barnaby for example. but not everyone will be like them.

like... think about it. 8 characters being in love with the same person! what is this an otome game!? even an otome game takes its time to develop a relationship between you and ur loved one, just saying...

there's something else,

what if you spent all your romantic task with only one character? for example me, i will always choose Talbott. My MC has a history with him, so then why would other characters ask me to take them with me to a ride I haven't even won?

why won't you ask them about their opinion, they tell you about it, and done? if you never interacted with them in a romantic way, they wouldn't get all lovey dovey with you, only the person you've been dating.

and something else that annoys me is that every character is different in their own way, because they're all different people. They have diferent likes and dislikes.

maybe they don't romantically like you, they might just be cool with you, as friends.

so how about this? a sidequest where you and your loved one start getting to know eachother? maybe they doesn't see you that way and you have to work on it in order for them to like you back.

but that would require actual effort and time in your work, right JC?

something easier is "everyone loves MC", problem solved! enjoy this cheap sidequest we made for you

and then we have,

the final scene.

it's something important that we must have a cute scene with our character and their loved one holding hands, kissing or hugging. that's why we're playing the sidequest after all

the animation is cute, sometimes it's a bit chessy for my taste but i can enjoy it nonetheless.

so why do i have a problem with it? because of everything else that ruins the whole experience.

the dialogue is lazy, the game becomes tedious to play, boring to watch, you're not having fun anymore, you're just finishing a task.

and honestly? the whole sidequest just screams "we're lazy writers and we don't care about the product we're making"

it's... it really makes me angry.

now, how do we end this?

JC gets lazier and lazier everyday. they care about romantic sidequests more than the actual plot. and that's insulting.

some say that dating has ruined hogwarts mystery, and i have to agree because of this: it's nice that a company introduces dating to their game, but they have to remember that the actual plot is their priority.

Does JC have the ability to make actually good dating sidequests? Yes.

The Celestial Ball is the crown of sidequests of how naturally fits in the story of the game and the world of Harry Potter, a time to hand out with the characters, see them in cool outfits, and invite our favorite character in a romantic and non-romantic way.

The First Date is also really good, showing how awkward a first date can be. The dialogue is excelent, and we get two really good scenes with the person we wanna date. The Library scene? *chef kiss*

JC can give us good content, but they just... won't.

so yeah.

i'm mad, i'm disappointed in this game... it can be really good but the creators don't put actual work in it. at least they won't do it anymore.

i'm so sick of these dating sodequests. as someone who likes romance, i feel like things could have been done properly

why am i enduring the game? well i've been playing the game for 3 years. at least I wanna see how it ends. like its gonna be a dissappintment for sure, but i must see it with my own eyes xd

so what's my advice?

Don't play Hogwarts Mystery.

Just don't, the characters might look cool, the story might look great... but don't be fooled, it's all a lie 😭

so yeah that's all

Good night Tri-state area

[watermelonlovershigh]

You Get Sick in the Back of an Uber

AN: so this was a story i have had in my drafts for like three months and just never found motivation to finish it. i decided to finish this first out of my drafts because it was one of the ones that had the most already written for it. unlike some of my others that don't have much written yet. and this was supposed to be longer but i got lazy and ended the end with no dialogue and shorted the story. but i guess that's fine because the main part of this was the uber incident and not necessary the aftercare. (i just love to always include aftercare whether its with sex or getting sick. unless its a blurb) @harryhoney-bee suggested number 1. on my voting post so thank you for requesting i finish this one shot idea that was in my drafts.

This story contains: puke, drunken person, caring husband

{ husband!harry - dad!harry - Grammys 2021 Harry - 4 kids (any age you imagine) }

word count: 1765

When you drink too much at the Grammys, you end up having to get sick in the uber ride home and Harry cares for you.

-------------------------

Back Story-

After the Grammys, Harry and I decided to go to the little after party that was being held for the Grammy attendees. We knew we couldn't stay too long because we had to get back home to our kids. They were currently with our babysitter but she couldn't stay all night. She has to go home at some point. So we made sure to watch the time.

At the afterparty, drinks were flowing. I haven't drank in a while due to the fact I had been pregnant not too long ago. This was the first night I was allowed to drink and I decided to do just that. Harry was aware of me drinking and promised to watch and take care of me. Though we were at this afterparty for him, he wanted me to let loose and have some fun as well.

But what he wasn't expecting was for me to drink the amount I did. I didn't mean to go over board. It just kind of happened. People handing out drinks left and right and next thing I knew, I was drunk. Not tipsy, drunk. When Harry noticed how drunk I was, he decided it's best to go home.

And because Harry also had drank some alcohol, he wasn't in a state to drive either. By no means was he as drunk as me though. Maybe just tipsy but he didn't want to risk it. So he decided to call an uber for us.

--------------------

Current-

We're sitting in the back of the uber on our way home. It's about an hour drive since the city is crowded with traffic due to the Grammys. Right about now is when I regret drinking any alcohol tonight. Because I haven't drank in over a year, my body isn't use to the poison running through my veins. So you could say I'm a lightweight now. My head is throbbing. My vision is blurry. My stomach is turning. Lets just say I regret all my decisions tonight that lead to me feeling this way.

"Harrrrry I don't feel good." I manage to slur out.

"You probably should have stuck to champagne instead of vodka my love." Harry responds, while stroking my hair out of my face in a gentle manner.

Another 10 minutes pass and I'm feeling very nauseous. I'm trying to focus on my breathing but it's not working.

"Harry my stomach hurts." I whisper with hooded eyes.

"Like you're gonna be sick?" Harry questions with panic.

I nod my head and hear Harry asking the driver if he can pull over.

"Can you pull over? My wife is feeling ill." Harry frantically questions the uber driver up front.

"I'm sorry sir but this freeway is packed and there is no way I can get to the side of the road right now." the driver says with a bit of an attitude.

Hearing that made me and Harry both start to panic.

"Well do you have any sick bags in here?" my husband asks.

"Sorry I don't." the driver retorts in a uncaring tone. What kind of uber driver doesn't carry sick bags for when drunks potentially need a ride but feel like they are going to be sick?

I just barley hear Harry let out a frustrated sigh and turn to me.

"Try and relax love. Take deep breaths for me, alright." Harry whispers while rubbing my back as I'm slumped over his body, too disoriented to even hold my head up.

About 3 minutes later, I feel vomit rise up my throat. There isn't much I can to do. The driver already said he couldn't pull over, nor does he have sick bags. I sit up from my slouched position and clasp a hand over my mouth. My legs are bouncing up and down. I'm trying desperately not to puke but I'm doing a poor job. Harry is sitting up with me, trying to comfort me but his words are all a blur at this point.

"If you have to be sick darling, let it out. I'll pay to get this uber cleaned, okay." Harry states in my ear. I know he'd rather not have me puke on the floor of the uber, right beside him, but he can tell I'm struggling and in discomfort.

Hearing those words was all the conformation I needed. I remove my hand from my mouth and let out a gush of alcoholic bile spew from my mouth and onto the backseat floor board. Harry gathers my hair in his hands so it's not in my face. My vomit splatters all over my legs and on the bottom of Harry's Gucci suit. I'd feel terrible about that if I wasn't so out of it, but my mind is a mushed up blur.

"Shhh, that's it. You're alright." Harry reassures me. The uber driver lets out a sigh of disgust, but this is truly his fault that I'm throwing up in his uber right now anyways.

Heave after heave, I let out more of the alcohol that was poisoning my system, right onto the floor. It's not a pretty sight. I'm having a cold sweat and my body is trembling. Though Harry has a weak stomach, when it comes to his wife (me) or his kids, he can always handle a bit of throw up. Or a lot like currently. It's like a fatherly/husband instinct that comes over him and he feels only adrenaline, not yuck.

Finally I feel my stomach relax and I sit up, breathing heavy with vomit dripping down my chin. Without thinking, I wipe it off with the back of my hand and smear it on my already ruined dress. "Feeling better?" Harry asks in a low tone.

"Mhmm." I hum, not really feeling like talking. My drunken brain has cleared up some from the majority of the alcohol being out of my system, but I still feel the after affects drinking brings. I just lean my head on Harry's shoulder for the rest of the ride home and allow the cool breeze to blow on my face. The uber driver did us all a favor by rolling the windows down so we didn't suffocate on the nasty smell of my sick.

---------------------

After-

When we arrived home, Harry payed the uber driver, not giving much of a tip and told him that he'd have someone clean his car out in the morning. As well as a half assed apology for my incident beings it could have been prevented. Then carefully, Harry lifted me out the uber and carried me into our Los Angeles home. Good thing our kids were all asleep because they shouldn't have to see their mother like this. Covered in puke and half drunk.

Harry took me to our bathroom and quickly ran down stairs to pay our babysitter, hoping she didn't question my appearance when she saw my state as we came through the front door. She didn't thankfully and left soon after her check was handed to her. Harry came back up to where he left me and helped me clean up and get ready for bed.

He stripped us of our vomit covered clothes and helped me into the big walk-in shower we have in our master bathroom. Then after he delicately washed our bodies along with my hair, he helped us out and dried us off. We brushed our teeth, me with the help of my husband because I was still a bit dizzy. After we're clean of sick and smelt fresh, he helped me put some panties and a t-shirt over my nude body and boxers on himself; just incase our kids woke up and needed us for whatever reason.

Harry helped me into our large bed and tucked me in, bending down to kiss my forehead. Then he walked down to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water and a bucket incase I needed to be sick again at some point through-out the rest of the early morning. When he had all the items he intended to grab, Harry came back to our bedroom where I was already passed out with sleep.

So he just set the water on my night stand and the bucket on the floor, beside my side of the bed. Then Harry quietly exited our room and went to each of our child's bedrooms to make sure they were fine and still asleep like they should be, which they thankfully were.

When everything was done and taken care of, Harry turned the bedroom lights out and slipped in the covers with me. He helped my body scoot over and I cuddled into his warm body. I didn't realize it in my state of sleep but I knew when I awoke, I'll be thinking about how grateful I am to have a wonderful husband like Harry.

He takes such good care of me. He didn't get upset that I drank too much on his special night and accidently got wasted. He never once got upset that I basically got throw up on his expensive suit tonight in the uber. He didn't get annoyed that he had to shower both me and him past midnight, though he was exhausted. Harry loves taking care of me (and our kids) and wouldn't wish for any other life. Even when his life becomes chaotic and stressful. Harry loves his family dearly and his family love him just as much or more.

Masterlist (regular smut, fluff & sicfics)

My Favorite Harry Styles Fics MASTERLIST

Harry Styles Series - One Shots & Blurbs Masterlist

Harry Styles blurbs, concepts, & short stories Masterlist- (short writing with little to no dialog)

[purposelynana]

What Did I Watch: #19

What a joy to watch something that was beautiful to look at even though it's still dumb at its center? But even with archetypal story, I love Semantic Error. It was your typical enemies to lovers. It was believable to the point, yeah it could happen to the most of us. Unless well we're not gonna come across somebody like Jang Jaeyoung for god's sake. It was too good to be true.

Despite the conventional trope, I must say this series has one of the most gorgeous frame out there. I'm not only talking about the framing, but the lighting, colors, focus, and the movement, everything seemed had meaning in which correlating with the characters. The colors sometimes in your face and sometimes sneak through and fades away before you know it. I respect those who knows how to deal with their camera regardless of the minimum budget. Super proud of what they did for the entire episode 7. Purple was all over the screen and not once I felt irritated. It was necessary to show audiences their heart eventually leads to one another. Because blue is belong to Sangwoo and Red is Jaeyoung's color. Red plus blue means purple. Genius.

Whoever designed beautiful shots on this deserves to get raise. It was so thought out and you just can feel it every frame has meanings. It could generate discussion, hell you could just use some of its takes into film studies.

And I might say, this is one of the best that Korea offered. It's going to be tough to beat this (fingers crossed on To My Star S2 though).

There had been discourse in here, regarding that twist in Enchanté. You know what I'm talking about. For me personally, I like the twist, it was rational, it brought a new depth to the characters. It certainly a thing that moves the plot forward and now I rather skeptical with how they're going to end the story in 2 episodes.

Back to the twist, I don't really want to call it a twist because I kinda already predicted it would going that way, instead the other way. Because personally if the twist went the other way, it just lazy writing. But, the twist itself it wasn't genius per se. At least, it gave Theo a motivation from the beginning and a realistic reason for him to did that. What I'm trying to convey is at least it does not make us feel stupid and not mocking our brain ah. That's the least a goddamn series should do.

Perhaps the problem was laying on how dialogue evolved after the revealed of the twist. The confession was written badly because it was just too ordinary. I could find hundreds of copycats in straight movies. For 2 people like Force and Book who got the acting chops and explosive chemistry this was easy. Way too easy. Even the kiss, it was hot but got edited in some kind of soap opera-ish and I was like P' Film l, you could have done it better.

Anyway, I don't really have problems with Enchanté except it still fall into the usual BL trope you always watched. It's predictable.

And that's bring me to Cutie Pie. Oh my god. I can choose not to watched it. But sometimes, we people keep making bad decisions for ourselves.

This is yaoi. This is your manga in early 20s, which is not my cup of tea. I prefer my BL when it isn't making an effort to become a proper BL. Not Me for example. Or all the danmei adaptation from China. Because the story can still work even the romance is being subverted. The story does not stand on the usual BL trope. Meanwhile in Cutie Pie, the romance is taking on the front row and when you taking that out, you got nothing left.

Maybe I'm watching too many gritty and realistic stuff but the premise itself is just doesn't make any sense. Unless, come back to point one, you're living in yaoi manga pages. Or you're feeling nostalgic. Yet, I don't grow up in full blown yaoi household. My encounter with yaoi wasn't come from manga. It was from manhwa, which yes a lot of grittier, darker, and full of mentally unstable characters. We know for sure that yaoi was created by straight female and sometimes fetishize the whole gay community and this one probably doesn't have any different. It's clearly written by straight female to cater straight audiences.

I like Zee, he was good in suits and that's my shallow reason why I watched Cutie Pie. But lord, I was struggling to finish it. I'm still on episode 1 3/4 going to 4/4. I wonder, when will I be able to just sit and watch without asking why the fuck this and that happened on the first place?

I mean if you grow up with yaoi manga, you sure want to check this out, either way you're going to end up like me perhaps. It's okay but I have so many conflicted feelings. Maybe if I can resort my feelings in order, perhaps I could resume this. Maybe I just need to watch Zee's face and not feeling so much guilty when the plot literally crashed.

[wowsoboring]

Deconstructing Baseless Harry Potter Arguments#2 (i) : Harmione Edition

Obviously I once again do not mean to target all Harmione shippers. I know quite a few who're very good human beings and tolerant and accepting above all. However these aren't. In this case, you might sense quite a bit of levelheadedness in the beginning, however you must not be fooled as it goes south and takes a nasty turn very quickly. Don't get your hopes up, this is some of the worst shit I've ever seen, especially the way in which it progresses through its course. Naturally, for this post I have picked my own style of writing which will match that of those redditors. Reddit is the perfect breeding ground for all these weird cults, honestly. I shall be resorting to a formal language and style of conversation, very much like a debater would to sound as pretentious as these do. These posts are found on the instagram handle toxicharmonyshippers who gather such toxic musings and sayings for Harmione shippers while respecting the ones that are nice.

1)

Oh yes, let's use words like 'vehemently' to sound smart, why not? Of course, this little tidbit of the highly stupendous post seems more or less civil at the start. They also have the common decency to say "some Romione shippers" rather than generalizing all of us. Very nice of you, how very saint like. Let's wait till they drop the act and show us their true colors. Harkening back to the argument, I have but one question for you, "where do you find these people?". Where's the proof? Who are these radical Romione shippers who worship Ron and dislike Hermione? I haven't seen any such shippers and I am surrounded by Romione shippers on tumblr, instagram and fan fiction sites as well and haven't met the people you speak of. Some point out her flaws, yes, but no one hates her or dislikes her that much. I have seen two or three Romione shippers across hundreds and thousands who're skeptical of Hermione's perfection. Skeptical. Not hating, disliking, or anything. Of course, unlike this person, I have evidence: find these pi charts for your referral (clickable): https://imgur.com/a/QfPnQbB

you can, through these, see the amount of Hermione bashing across Harry Potter fanfiction and you can see that even in Romione fanfiction there's more Ron bashing. Hermione-bashing is a non-issue. That's what it is. Regarding the "nagging" statement, where's the lie in that? "Annoying" is somewhat subjective, I personally don't find her annoying at all. Who are these people and how often do you find them? "Mary Sue" is only reserved for Movie!Hermione. I have only seen book fans call her that. No one has ever called Book!Hermione Mary Sue. The movie does paint her as a flawless, all-rounder who's also drop-dead gorgeous. Only things she's bad at are flying and divination, all of which she denounces as useless, even though flying is like biking for wizards, divination, sure, not that important. with a teacher like Trelawney, even I would denounce it as hokum.

2)

Remember what I said about waiting for them to show us their true colors, well here they are. Bask in the glory of their senseless arguments. Why, I am from reddit, heck I have 25 thousand karma points on there, I just left because it was too stupid for me but I can argue like them very well. And in this case I would like to say that these people are under the impression that Ron is just there in the story for the sake of existence. And he doesn't work hard. That argument is of course, wrong. Because Ron (in no particular order):

1) fights a troll when he's 11

2) is willing to sacrifice himself when he's 11

3) stands up for his friends

4) makes sure Harry feels like he belongs in the family

5) worries about Harry and rescues him from literal jail

6) stands up against Draco rather than by-standing and enabling his behavior

7) tries his level best to make sure Norbert the dragon is in safe hands and carries it out, albeit not in perfection

8) is with Harry every step of the way in his confronting the basilisk

9) sends Harry and Hermione long letters and calls them often to check up on them

10) stands up on a bitten leg to defend his best friend

11) always apologizes for any of his mistakes and is forgiving when others wrong him

12) works his way to join the Quidditch team unlike Draco who most certainly bought his way in

13) destroys at least 2 horcruxes

14) finds out how to defeat a horcrux

15) has an excellent enough memory and observation to notice Harry speaking parseltongue and also using it to his benefit which proves he's resourceful

now since I have 8 more such pictures to rebut and I do have a life, I will stop. These aren't even a twelfth of the remarkable things Ron has done though, so rest assured.

oh wait what did you say about him just existing and not working for anything? If I recall correctly, he did just as well as Harry did in school and didn't score well only in subjects he didn't care about. Which is true for most people except for Hermione who has an eidetic memory which not everyone has, understandably. Rote memorization is not the best way to get by in life, by the way.

what are the "so many reasons" behind why Harry is the best fit for Hermione? Kindly share so I can rebut those too, I'm rather free nowadays, my finals have been cancelled. You say there are so many reasons but don't even give one, yet you want me to take you seriously. I'm afraid that's impossible.

Romione shipper here, i don't dislike Hermione. I haven't met or seen many people in the book!romione fandom who dislike Hermione (except for Movie!Hermione). The question of someone you like ending up with someone you dislike doesn't particularly make sense. In Friends, Chandler ends up with Monica: now I'm not the biggest Monica fan (I don't hate her but I don't like her very much either) but they are my favorite couple because they make sense. It's about compatibility and character traits, not liking or disliking because that's just a set-up for a ghastly invitation for people to pair up hideousness. "Oh yeah, I like Harry and I also like Hagrid, they should be together. I mean it would be very very disgusting but that's my logic, now, you can't fight it. "- that's how you sound. Please read what you write. Your logic is just...abysmal. That's all I can say without breaking my resolve and berating you with colorful profanities.

3)

This is without the doubt, the easiest one to rebut. It's a delight to see such terrible arguments at my disposal. Come on, dear Harmione shippers, write something that makes me question my choices, not things that make me scoff in disbelief.

In this case, you're essentially providing us with theories. Unproved theories and speculation of what you believe because you'd say anything you like. Where's the proof of your theory, though? Where is that crazy radical Romione shipper who does this? Kindly show me these people. Oh yes, you wanna say we objectify Hermione and disrespect her and view her as a prize. This aches me, that you believe this. No one has ever insinuated this, ever, in the history of anything. What is this winner-loser theory? How do you round off Harry Potter to "an alpha-male ends up with lead-lady" trope and still say you're a fan of the series? Harry Potter doesn't fit in with that format. Ron, Hermione and Harry are co-heroes. Similar to how there's no main character in Friends or the Heroes of Olympus series or the Avengers. We're not living in the 80s anymore. Hermione will be a hero, invariably whether she ends up with Harry, Ron or no one. She ends up with Ron and that's it. Talking about her like this doesn't make you sound any better either. Now you're calling me a misogynist because I don't support the ship of two people who describe themselves as siblings. That's very mature of you. Well here's the thing- I'm not a misogynist. It's as simple as that. I believe that women are capable of anything and everything. I believe Hermione is an amazing person and she is a hero and a different person. I believe the series would be impossible without her. I believe she is no one's prize. There's no requirement of a prize. I just think, similar to canon and the truth and her romantic interest, she will have a great relationship with Ron. There's nothing complex or deep about it, really. No personal weird-thing, no psychological complex, no internalized misogyny. There's nothing deeper than what I said. I am not sexist. I am a feminist. I am all for women empowerment. I love women with the fabric of my being. I love Hermione. I think she's amazing. You only become sexist when you ship people with unstable power dynamics, a bully-victim relation or something of the sort. Neither Romione, nor Harmione are sexist. Heck if you paired Neville with Hermione you wouldn't be sexist. And I hate talking about this so much, I can't even tell you. This talk does make it sound like I treat Hermione like an object and I assure you I respect her and I normally won't talk like this unless someone just outright calls me sexist for something that's not sexist. And this is that situation.

4)

in the case of Romione, no one is too good for anyone. Both are amazing people who're heroes and have done amazing work. That's all I have to say. There's no league, they are romantically interested in each other. I have no intention on sounding lame, but, in love there is no league. As long as you're not putting in any effort and are extremely lazy and leech off of your partner, there is no such concept and no, Hermione is not "too good" for him. Unless of course you're talking about movie Hermione, who is too good for anyone.

5) (halftime!)

oh yes they try to pull this off and wonder why we hate them. Classic. This person likes to sound british, so let's switch up our language, yeah? At least then I won't be out of my element. Let me correct ya, Ron at his best is an amazing, loyal, friendly, brave, strategic hero. There you have it. Ron and 'git' can't be used in the same sentence. Now if you talk about Ron's achievements, I re-iterate you to point two. If it's too much work, here:

1) fights a troll when he's 11

2) is willing to sacrifice himself when he's 11

3) stands up for his friends

4) makes sure Harry feels like he belongs in the family

5) worries about Harry and rescues him from literal jail

6) stands up against Draco rather than by-standing and enabling his behavior

7) tries his level best to make sure Norbert the dragon is in safe hands and carries it out, albeit not in perfection

8) is with Harry every step of the way in his confronting the basilisk

9) sends Harry and Hermione long letters and calls them often to check up on them

10) stands up on a bitten leg to defend his best friend

11) always apologizes for any of his mistakes and is forgiving when others wrong him

12) works his way to join the Quidditch team unlike Draco who most certainly bought his way in

13) destroys at least 2 horcruxes

14) finds out how to defeat a horcrux

15) has an excellent enough memory and observation to notice Harry speaking parseltongue and also using it to his benefit which proves he's resourceful

hey, see, I like Ron and I took the time to copy-paste this instead of asking you to scroll up. And I'm a lot of bad things but I am not lazy. I stick to my deadlines like Hermione. I start my homework in library class and continue it during phys ed the day its given. And I am not exaggerating. Bloody hell, I wish I was. I'm the ceo of deadlines, mate, don't tempt me! So you can see that Ron is much more than just a "nice bloke". And being a "nice bloke" isn't a bad thing either. He's all the things I said: intuitive, strategic, helpful, loyal and on top of that he's also a nice person. Yes, I do see a bit of myself in Ron. I do. I see the insecure side. I waste my time hating myself and criticizing myself and undermining myself, telling me I'm no good. But Ron overcomes that. He inspires me to appreciate myself. Is that a bad thing? Are you going to shame me for having a low self-esteem? Do you want to worsen my low self-esteem and make me feel more like shit?

Now the person who replied to your comment saying, "he isn't a nice bloke most of time.", he is. He is not being nice twice in a span of 7 years. How often do you act rudely or with jealousy? Wasn't Harry yelling at everyone in caps lock in OOTP. Now I don't condemn him for that because he's a fucking hormonal teenager like me and that would make me a hypocrite, but by your logic why don't you condemn him? Or why not condemn Hermione for saying "I only date good Quidditch players" and shoving canaries at Ron's face because someone else kissed him, while she kept using Krum and Cormac to make him jealous. She wasn't being a nice girl, then, was she? Now, once again, i don't dislike her or hold that against her because guess what, mate, I'm a hormonal teenage girl who gets jealous most of the time and would probably react in a similar fashion in the spur of the moment (Not defending her actions here, just putting myself in her shoes.) In short, Ron is a nice bloke MOST OF THE TIME.

6)

It would be misogynistic to think that. The thing is, NO ONE DOES my dear friend! My dear daft friend. I have never heard anyone say that! why are you so hell-bent on portraying us as misogynists when no one ever says that? Stop assuming. Just stop. You are crossing a limit here, aren't you? Yes you are. You cannot say these sort of things. We never said that or believed that, no one ever said this to be a reason to ship Romione. God what is wrong with you? Literally, stop fucking ASSUMING god damn it! Do you want me to assume things about Harmione shippers? Do you want me to go there? Because I will go there! I will go there the moment you tell me to. Just challenge me.

Ron is not a perfect best boi , the reason why so many of us like him is that he's imperfect and tries to become better through the course of time. You are once again assuming and I am once again asking you to stop.

Ron might be an ordinary wizard. He might be poor, sure, but he's a pure-blood and won't face much if he chose not to fight. But he did. He fought. Now I identify with Ron's attitude a fair bit, but I am also likely to spend my day in a library without noticing. People aren't one dimensional. Stop trying to act like you're a psychologist, i know you're not. I don't even think Hermione's overbearing at all! You just insulted someone you're a big fan of. Jesus.

Both Hermione and Ron are strategic, jealous, passionate, feisty, argumentative, intellectual...

that's like 6 similarities. They aren't polar opposites in the slightest. Their differences are just: workaholic, not workaholic. Nerd, not a nerd. Like that's fucking it, man!

8)

being relaxed doesn't make you less independent or driven. A relaxed and levelheaded Hermione will think through things, not be impulsive, not panic etc. She doesn't need Ron. I don't understand your obsession with acting like we ever insinuated that. Then she doesn't need Harry either lol. Stop shipping her with Harry, then or like shut the fuck up. Being a bit relaxed won't stop her or anyone from hitting great strides. Just don't get relaxed to the point you're lazy and casual about everything, that's it.

9)

What do you mean? Ron is balanced. He does finish his work on time. And even if he does procrastinate, she could also help him not and be more driven. Of course, this is an open invitation for you to call me a sexist bitch because I said that she could help him and now you'll think her goal is to help him become better yada yada yada. Fuck off. Defeating the horcrux taught him enough. He respected her. He remembered about the elves when she didn't. He begged to be tortured instead of her. He wouldn't need it because school work and jobs are different and the same person might perceive those differently. Calmness and relaxation doesn't hinder your potential. Not caring and laziness does. You can't function if you work and are stressed 24/7 with zero breaks. Period.

10)

No i do not want (nor does anyone want) Hermione to become Ron. Being slightly calmer doesn't change up your personality. I'm sure many people dislike those sort of fanfics without a doubt. I hate OOC and I don't want Hermione to lose her intellect with Ron because that makes no sense. Ron himself is intellectual and loves arguing with her. They'd boost each other, more like it.

-------

okay thats it i am exhausted as fuck. thanks for reading, i appreciate it. notes and reblogs are appreciated, this takes work.

[moonyoon5839]

Lovers and Haters

[VLIVE] Live on: 2018/??/??

The girls were doing a Vlive in Yena's hotel room after shooting. Nayeon, Siyeon, Yena was sitting in front of the camera eating snacks while Aeri was sitting on the couch and Jia was laying on the bed watching videos of their practice. Both of them still in the camera frame. Although the two of them didn't talk much they were still listening on what they say and occasionally roasting the other three.

There was a comment saying the fans want to know what they eat daily and how they maintain their beautiful body.

Siyeon being the one that loves herself the most started.

"I know that I'm beautiful.*Flips hair* But I try to eat healthy. I'm trying to eat a lot of vegetables. Even when I don't like them too much. We all eat them anyways cause somebody in our group *Jia Unnie and Jin oppa* knows us so well and I don't know but they might force us to take a few bites. Yeah, they might force us."

"It's for our health and besides, vegetables are delicious."

"Okay but jokes aside, what do you do ?"

Asked the youngest in the room to the second oldest cutting off her older sisters bickering.

" I don't do a lot honestly."

"Oh, I totally didn't know you were born beautiful"

Said Aeri. She was the one joking around now. It was just how they were. Joking around and roasting each other. They knew not to cross the line so it was always peaceful..... with a little bit of spice.

"haha funny Aeri, But anyways I just play around a lot and move my body. I think that's what we all have in common. We are really active so even if we don't care too much about eating snacks and enjoying our meal we still have a decent body. We do work out often, just to build a little more muscle for dancing."

A little bit of muscle? Don't lie Nayeon. You and Jia literally have six pack abs.

Sound like they are still growing kids. They are huge babies.

I wish I had that type of body.

No wonder they're still fat.

Okay I'm gonna start playing with my younger siblings to get those beautiful bodies.

The three seem to notice a few comments telling them to go on a proper diet but remained quiet and kept smiling. It is sad that it wasn't new to them. They weren't fat. They could be counted as under weight.

Siyeon being done with the haters attitude she looked back to the bed and told Jia.She was strict to anybody. Even with the members. But we all know she has a soft spot. And with the haters, she goes full on insulting. She was taught well by her rap team hyungs.

"Ugh, Unnie~ somebody said that we're fat"

Siyeon was trying to sound goofy but in reality wanted to cut the persons head off. Jia and the other members noticed. Jia told her to calm down and that she will deal with them later by looking to her eyes that she doesn't do often. They all know each other so well they didn't need words.

"Oh, really ? Is that so Siyeonnie. Tell Unnie if you find another one."

"Yes, ma'am. I will report everything for your lazy self"

" I'm not lazy, I just need a good amount of stamina to keep up with your curious and child like behavior. And its not just you that I need to keep up with. There's 4 of you guys."

"What ever you say"

They kept talking like nothing happened. The live was for the fans, not the haters that are here for a little attention.

What snack are you eating ?

"What snack are we eating ? We are sharing a pack of chips. Nayeon Unnie like these a lot. "

"It tastes like heaven."

"I like the sour cream onion better."

Now, back to the topic of food again. I swear these girls and the whole fandom love food. But nobody's complaining.

When they were happy talking about there favorite food and feeling real happy, somebody had to break the heart-warming scene.

You all look like you came out from a trash can.

What a way to break ones happiness.

And Siyeon being loyal to Jia, She caught it the moment it showed up.

"Jia unnie, somebody said that we look ugly. I'm sad. They said that we all looked like we came out from a trash can."

Jia saw it too. She was reporting/deleting most of the hate comments before the others can see them. She couldn't report/ delete everything but the members knew what she was doing and was thankful for it. Aeri helped too.

She went over to the table. Looking over to the camera almost back hugging Siyeon. With the intense stare even the fans felt shivers up their spine. Despite the warm orange light, the atmosphere was cold. She patted the younger ones head, a sign that told her to not take them seriously.

"But seriously whats wrong with you. This live is for the fans who love us for who we are and even when we look like trash to you. We don't always look like we're on stage, we don't have to look like we're on stage. Have you seen any of us in the morning ? We look really the opposite of what you see on stage. What I'm trying to say is our looks won't bother you if you get out. We spend our time here happy and you will be happy too not looking our trash like face.

Honestly I look real good right now."

She looks so done with the haters.

Straight up facts.

God, I know it's not the time but Jia looks hot.

Look at the girls looking like a baby and then there's Jia who looks like their guardian. Cute

"Don't mind them, you all know not to."

Jia said trying to light up the mood in which she wasn't the best at but still tried.

"You know what let's say what we all like about each other and fill this room with love !"

Siyeon changed the topic satisfied with what she was seeing. The comment section filled with purple hearts and comments that were supporting them.

"Well, I love the fact that Yena is shorter than me."

"It's just a few cm. And I'm still growing so don't know when I'll be the tallest."

"If you want to be the tallest you've gotta work hard. Namjoon hyung is really tall"

"NO ! Who said that I'll be that tall. I just need to be taller than Jia Unnie and I'm satisfied."

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[nolansnose]

To my moots: I did A THING. Wrote a lil something. A Nolpat imagine *gasps*

This is unfinished and I will only be updating this everytime Patty gets a point or better yet, score a goal!

Edited and rb'd because this has been updated!

(With added steam 🙈)

Summary: Surprise!

Nolan Patrick x whoever you wanna pair him with in your head

UNTITLED

They hadn't exchanged any kind of communication in three weeks. That kind of radio silence from both their ends wasn't normal. It has been a month since they saw each other last, they were both busy --- she with the endless demands and responsibilities of being the new executive assistant to the director of medical services while Nolan was training in preparation for the incoming season.

It amazes her how they were able to give each other attention in the past year and how they haven't given up on each other. It wasn't easy, it's daunting at times, at least for her.

For someone with such a demanding job and schedule, she truly couldn't figure out how she was able to give time to Nolan.

She didn't understand how someone like her was able to pique his interest or that he continued to give her attention, well, not until these past few weeks. She may be busy but during moments that she wasn't thinking about work, Nolan makes sudden, sometimes unwelcome appearances in her thoughts.

Unwelcome because she shouldn't be thinking about him. They're not... Argh! She sighed and put down the book she's trying so hard to understand in her lap. She's in an old cottage by the beach, alone for this long weekend, her first non work related trip after a long while since being appointed and she's alone. She should be relaxing, resting, eating sumptuous meals and reading this... Shit it was Nolan who gave her this book. Why did she pick this one to bring? She sighed again and tried for the nth time to relax in the couch she was perched on. She put her feet up in the arm rest and reached for the tea in the side table to drink but grimaced as its already cold.

As cold as the weather that wasnt apt for the place she was in. Beaches are made for warm, summery weather, not rain and cold drafts. She looked out the window and shook her head because it was still raining. The rain peltering the roof was loud and... what was that?

She heard something beside the raindrops. Footsteps. Rustling. Knocking? Was someone knocking?

But she wasn't expecting anyone.

Still, she stood up and headed for the kitchen which was near the parking area of the resort she was in. She clutched her chest when she saw another shadow beside the plants outside. Shit! A thief? But this was an exclusive resort!

She grabbed the fruit bowl in the counter and headed for the kitchen door. There was that sound again. Footsteps. And knocking.

She took a deep breath and raised the bowl above her head, ready to whack whoever was on the other side of that door. She unfastened the locks and opened the door.

"Fuck!", the 'intruder' called out and caught the bowl before it made contact with his face.

"Nolan?", she blinked.

The newcomer put down the bowl and raised the hood of his jacket. "Hi,"

"I thought you were a thief!"

Nolan looked at her with amusement. " I knocked but there was no answer."

"When was that? I didn't hear anything."

"Uh, five minutes ago?", he asked as he grabbed a clean towel out of the basket on the washing machine near the door. "May I?"

She exhaled loudly while moving away from the door so Nolan could dry his shoes in the mat and removed his jacket which was also wet.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. How did he even know she was here? Oh. Right. She remembered telling him about this weekend trip the last time they were together.

"I missed you," he said. "You didn't text or call."

"You never did, too," she pointed out.

"Hey, I called," he said with a bit of pain in his voice.

"When did you call?"

"Are you going to let me come in or do I have to defend myself by your kitchen door?"

2

"What's that for?", she asked having glanced at his backpack.

"Change of clothes. I've been in town for a few days, actually ", he replied honestly.

She gave him another quick look before going back to retrieve the cup of tea in the living room and brought it up in the kitchen to heat in the microwave. She felt his eyes on her while she set the timer.

"Chamomile?", Nolan asked just as he put down his already opened backpack in the kitchen counter and took out a clean pair of socks.

She didn't know whether to be irritated or happy that he remembered her preference. Normally, she'd appreciate it but now she felt cornered. Vulnerable. She came here to unwind, rest and think, -- to escape from all that's troubling her -- that included Nolan.

Yep, trouble. That's Nolan, alright. What else would you call the man who chose to entangle himself with someone like her? Even for a weekend, she wanted a break. She wanted him out of her head, her body and her bed.

"You still haven't answered why you're here," she took the mug out of the oven and set it on the counter. She caught the smirk on his face. "What?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Nolan took a step towards her and tenderly caressed her arm."Didn't you miss me?"

She looked up into his eyes to see a worry there she didn't normally see.

They've talked about their situation a handful of times before, where they're headed eventually. Together they've decided that its better if no one else knew whatever kind of relationship they were to have.

She can't remember exactly how that topic came about, but they wound up in bed together before defined lines were ever set.

This, whatever this was, has gone on for a year, a short time compared to others. She knew she shouldn't keep her hopes or expectations up, but sometimes, she gets tired of her feelings being hurt from a misunderstanding because nothing was solid or made public. Sometimes the feelings were his. Sometimes he acted jealous or frustrated because she behaved in a way that made him question the exclusivity they had agreed on a year ago.

"Not at all?" His low, lazy voice pulled her back from her thoughts.

She shook her head. "No."

He leaned into her some more, their closeness made her feel like she's drowning. "Liar."

Then his mouth met hers and she instinctively opened her mouth to allow his tongue to enter. He tasted sweet and salty like caramel popcorn. He satisfied every urge and each craving.

A whimper escaped her throat and he had her pushed against the counter with one hand in her hair as the other lifted her leg and grabbed her ass. He knew how to completely envelop her into a whirlwind of sex. It started out with a kiss as it always did.

And this kiss grew more fervent and she felt a familiar hardness push against her in just the right place. He made her feel sexy and desirable in a way that she revelled in. His kisses were addictive.

Its hard to reclaim her sanity everytime they ended up like this, like he drained whatever courage she had left. But before she could totally gave in, she held Nolan's arm firmly and pushed him away from her. He moaned a little as a protest but moved away and let her right herself.

The desire for her was evident in his eyes, in his jeans and she tried not to look but his scent, his kiss lingered. She was still dazed and her heart was beating wildly.

"What?" He asked as he touched the edge of his mouth.

"We can't continue this, Nolan", she insisted.

He shook his head. "We're not doing anything we haven't done bef----"

"No", she cut him off before he could finish his sentence. "This as in hiding. We thought it wont get this complicated given our work and who we are, we thought it'd be easy. None of this is easy, Nolan."

"Thank you for saying we, instead of you," he nodded as he answered. "Seriously. We both said this unofficial exclusive thing would be easy and a breeze and I'm glad you didn't pile the blame for your feelings just on me."

She looked at him carefully. Sometimes, his prankness still startled and overwhelmed her. She hoped and tried hard for its effect to not register on her face.

"Whoa," he said with one eyebrow raised when her gaze turned squinty. "Why are you looking at me like I just told you I'm getting married or something?"

"Let's end this, Nolan," she said in a faint voice, then grabbed the mug of tea again.

She felt him observing her eventhough her attention was on the tea she's drinking.

"You already said that four months ago."

"This time I meant it." She said in a voice lacking of conviction.

[zmayadw]

Hello, hello!

Time to continue. I’ll post 2 parts again, so lets begin..

First one :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 11        

Jessy came to Aurora shortly after, finding Phil and me sitting in the booth laughing and chatting. „You two are awfully cheerful.“ She said nearing us. „Hey Jessy“ i chimed back cheerfully „Well, Phil is a good company, how not to be cheerful.“ Phil grinned at her, wich made her look both of us skeptical „Yeah, yeah, if you say so.“ „Aww, sys,  dont be so cruel.“ He teased her. She made a face at him, turning to me „You ready? Im starving!“ „Ready“ i told her, taking my stuff and getting up. „Cya, Phil, thanks for everything.“ I said, smiling at him. „No worries, Maya, glad we talked. Dont be a stranger.“ He said, winking at me as he got up and went towards the bar. „What was that all about?“ Jessy asked as we left the Aurora. „Oh, nothing really.“ I replied, wich made her look at me with doubt. I quickly tried to change the subject „So, where are you taking me for lunch?“ i asked, grabing her under her arm. „I tought some junk food is what we need after last nigh, hamburgers and fries might be a good choice.“ She grined. „I totally agree.“ We walked to the hamburger place, wich wasnt far from Aurora. We sat at one of the tables, and ordered some food. As we waited for it, she told  me how Dan managed to wake up just before she left, begging her to drive his car back, and bring him some food. „He can really drive me crazy sometimes!“ she told me. „Aww, c'mon, thats why you like him.“ I teased, and she laughed. Our food arrived, and we started eating. After a while, i finaly told her, between my bites „I saw Jake last night.“ Jessy almost spat her drink. „What?“ she almost screamed „What? Where? Talk!“ I told her all about it, from the hoodie part, to where i left him standing. When i was done i added desperately „I messed up everything again, Jessy. I didnt hear him out, i was just so tired and frustrated.“ I sighed tiredly „Why is it always so hard with him?“ i paused before i said, sadness creeping in my voice „I just dont know how much more i can go on like this.“ Jessy looked at me, sympathy and care all over her face „I know, Maya. Its hard sometimes, God only knows how much.“ She started „Im just gonna say one thing. Just be totally sure you tried everything there is to get to the bottom of things with him, to be on the clear, once and for all.“ She paused before continuing „I can see how much it pains you, and i see you really care for Jake.“ „I do, Jessy, more then you can imagine. But im tired, so tired of constant fights with him, and not getting anywhere.“ „I know. And i really hope you will resolve it soon.“ She looked at me, giving me a reasuring smile „In the mean time, you can talk to me whenever you need a shoulder to cry on.“ I smiled „Thanks, Jessy. I really appriciate it, you have no idea how much it means to me. Im really greatful to have you in my life.“ She looked at me, took my hand and squeezed it „Im here for whatever.“ We continued with our food. When we wer nearly done, she oredered some food to take for Dan, and when it was done, we payed and left. As we walked back to the Auroras parking, Jessy asked me, all serious „Maya, what's going on with you and Phil?“ I looked at her „Aghh, its complicated.“ She stoped walking, and i did the same „Dont get me wrong, its non of my business“ she started „But to be honest, i've never seen Phil act like this, towards anyone. I think he's really into you, and, well, with all thats happening with Jake..“ „Dont worry, Jessy“ i said „I actually had a long conversation with Phil about all this earlier.“ She looked surprised „He knows  about Jake?“ „Not exactly. I didnt mention Jake per se, but he knows something is happening.“ I paused before continuing „I like Phil, Jessy, and he knows it. But we came to a mutual understnding about it all, so noone could get hurt in any of this mess.“ She continued walking „Aright, thats good. He is a jerk sometimes, but he's my brother, and i do wish him well.“ „I know, Jessy, and trust me, i dont want for anyone to get hurt here. I hope all will get in the clear soon.“ „I hope so too, Maya“ she said, as we came to Dans car „I really hope so, for both your sake, and the others.“ She gave me a tight hug, before entering the car, and smiled „Im here if you need me.“ „Thanks , Jessy, same here.“ She started the car, honking as she drow off , me waving her as i entered my car. Driving to the motel i tought about all that Jessy told me. I hoped she was right, and things will get clear soon. I really was torn inside. I had some decisions to make, and not an easy ones. And i was scared.

When i got back to the motel i realized i left everything in such a mess, and decided to clean it. I collected the sutff  thrown all over the floor. I grabed Jakes hoodie, burrying my face again in it and taking a deep breath. Damn, i tought, i wish i could talk to him, i need to know what will be with us. If there even is a possibilty of 'us'. And all that was going on with Phil was making me confused. My phone rang then, and i quickly put the hoodie on me before answering it. I checked the caller, it showed no number.. Could it be Jake? Then again, why would he hide his number? I answered the call „Hello?“ but there wasnt any replie. I said 'hello' few more times, before whoever was on the other side ended the call. Strange,i  tought, but decided to ignore it, someone probably just dialed the wrong number. I continued with cleaning, realizing i should get some laundrey done. I saw a self-service laundrey in town, i should wisit it tomorrow. When i was done, i decided to try and do some work. I sat at the table, opening my laptop, putting some music on. It always helped me while working, and this time wasnt any different. At some point, i checked my phone ,it was past midnight. Nice, i managed to finish on the project i took, without any interruption. I closed the laptop and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. As i got to bed, i thought of Jake again. I hoped we would talk soon, i meant what i said to Jessy earlier, i really didnt know how much more i can go on like this. I sighed, closed my eyes, wishing sleep comes fast.

           When i woke up i felt quite rested. Even tho my mind was a complete mess, i had a good night sleep. I took a shower, brushed my teeth and got dressed. I took the laundrey, grabed the car keys and my purse and headed for town. I parked near the self-service laundry place and took the stuff from the car. Putting the laundrey to be washed, i decided to go for coffe while it wasnt finished. I left the laundrey place, and walked to the coffee shop near by. I sat at the table outside, and ordered myself a big coffee and a toasted sandwich, might as well get some breakfast since im here. I took my phone out checking for some more work and found few interesting ones. Some alone time just working might be what i need now. I checked the news feeds and mail while drinking coffe. Jessy called at some point, telling she will be going to her sister for a few days, apologizing for leaving me on my own. I told her not to be silly, that i'd be working mostly eitherway, so she felt a bit less guilty about it. She promised we'll meet as soon as she's back, wich i acceptet cheerfuly. I was done with coffee so i paid and left. I collected my laundrey, deciding to get some stuff from the store before heading back to the motel, so not to do unnecessary trips to towns center every little while working. When i was done, i got all the stuff and headed back to the motel. I putted the stuff away, and clean laundrey in the closet. I went out of the room to get some ice from the machine by the entrance to the motels office. When i got back, i poured a drink  and took my phone. There was a missed call on it, and the number was hidden. Again? What the heck, i tought. Work was calling, so i dismissed it from my toughts, and focused them on working instead. I worked till late again, before deciding i had enouhg, chrasing to bed.

The next day i spent most of it working. I stopped only to eat and drink something in peace, and i took a short walk to stretch my legs a bit. I took a shower before going to bed, luling my self to sleep with some movie on the tv.

On the next morning, after i got up, i decided to quickly go to town for some fresh coffee. I drove to town, stoping at the caffee and getting myself the biggest 'coffee to go' they had, heading back to the motel. I got back to working, but was interupted by my phone ringing after a while. I checked the phone, and smiled when i saw who the caller was. „Well, if it isnt my favorite barkeep!“ i cheerfully said in my phone. „Hello gorgeous.“ Phil answered me. „Where you hiding at?“ he asked. „Oh, im at the motel. Working my ass off.“ I told him. „I'v been lazy with it lately, so it's taking its tol on me now.“ „Aww, sorry to hear that.“ He said „But, even so, you need to take a break. Bring that pretty ass of yours to Aurora tomorrow night, we'r having a party!“ he said cheerfully, and before i could even start to protest „And i'm not taking a 'no' for an answer here!“ „Aww, c'mon Phil, thats not fair.“ i started teasingly „You took all the fun out of it! I'm good at protesting!“ He laughed „I bet you are. So, see you tomorrow?“ „Ofcourse.“ I said, adding „Hey, Phil, whats the party for, by the way?“ „Oh, right, i keep forgeting you're not from around here.“ He said. „And i tought Jessy might already told you.“ „Nop, she didnt tell me anything, and since she is with your sister, we havent really spoken much these last few days.“ „Ahh, i see.“ He said „Well, in that case, it's the Aurora's opening day anniversary, and its pretty packed for that night,with drinks being cheeper. So be sure to come early, i'll save you a seat at the bar.“ „Thanks, Phil. I'll bring myself and my pretty ass then.“ I said teasingly „Thats the spirit!“ He chimed. „Alrighty“ i said. „See you tomorrow, then.“ „Cant wait.“ He said „Laters, Maya.“ That migt be fun, i tought. And if im lucky, i might finish with work by tomorrow morning, so some fun would be like a reward for it. I continued working, and was happy that i actually finished before i tought i would.I  checked the time. It was almost 3 in the morning! Ohh, guess i would sleep till late again tomorrow. And i didnt mind. The work was done, i had nowhere to rush, some sleep will do me good. I crushed to bed, burrying myself under the covers, sleep coming almost instantly at me.

[dream-a-little-bigger-x]

Chapter 4 -- Perfect Harmony | Charlie Gillespie

Summary: Emily Fox is a talented 17-year-old with a passion for all things music. Her dream is to become a successful singer-songwriter one day. But to achieve that dream, she needs to get into one of the most prestigious music schools in her district – it’s all been part of her plan since she was six. Sadly enough, those schools cost a ton of money that her parents don’t want to invest. They don’t even want her to pursue her dream. So, now Emily’s hustling, working at the music store to save up to get into college. That’s until she meets Charlie, an annoying seventeen-year-old boy with the same dream as her. The only difference is, he’s just doing it. He doesn’t need a fancy college to pursue his dream to become famous with his band. He just writes his songs and books small gigs here, there and everywhere. Will meeting Charlie defer her from her dream college, or will he actually help her achieve the dream?

Pairing: Charlie Gillespie x OC (Emily Fox)

Warnings: mentions of death, sexual assault

Important note: the characters of Charlie, Owen, Jeremy and Madison are based on the characters they play on the show and i do not own their names, only OC are mine. The songs aren’t mine either, they’re all from the show except for one.

Chapter four 

 ~|Emily Fox|~

“Guess what I did this weekend?” I ask Madison excitedly when I see her at her locker on Monday morning. She stares at me, blinking a few times. She did not expect me to be this excited on Monday morning. “You rode an elephant?” she asks when she realizes I won’t continue until she guesses. “Don’t ever ride elephants. They’re not made to do that,” I tell her off, “No, I finished writing my song!” Madison’s eyes widen before an excited squeal leaves her mouth. Now we’re getting weird looks from other students, wondering why the hell we’d be so excited on Monday morning. “Let me hear!” she shouts loudly, but I quickly dim the fire inside her eyes by shaking my head. “I still need to tweak it a little, but I think it might actually have potential,” I say. Madison pouts. “I’m sorry, Mads. I promise you, I’ll let you hear it once I pick up the courage to ask someone to duet this with me.” “Like on TikTok?” she asks, visibly confused. “No, I think it might sound better as a duet. I sang like part of it with this Charlie dude at the Music Store.” Madison’s eyebrows rise whilst her eyes widen. “Who’s Charlie?” she asks, the bell nearly ringing out her voice. The two of us make our way to class together. “The Cute Douchebag I told you about?” “You never said he was cute…” “I’m telling you now. He kept coming back to play this one guitar in the store to escape from his parents and I let him while I cleaned up the place. And then on Saturday, he suddenly started singing this verse that fit perfectly what I already had. It sounded amazing, Mads. Our voices blend really, really well together.” I take in a deep breath and release it into a sigh. “Mmh… Cute Douchebag Charlie serenades you and you turn it into a duet… Sounds like the start of a great Romantic movie,” she thinks about it for a moment, “I’d watch that.” “I’m going to put your feet back on the floor, Madison, because nothing’s ever going to happen between Charlie and me.” I can’t hide the smile tugging at my lips though, and I think Madison has seen it too as one of the corners of her mouth curls up into a smirk. “Mmh-mmh…” she hums and before I can bring anything else in, she dips into her classroom, leaving me all alone to find my way to the room next door where I have my first class. Let’s pray today goes by fast. Which only works by constantly imagining what it would be like to show Charlie the song I wrote with his verse added to it and what it would be like if we sung it together. I wonder if he’ll be at the store tonight and if he is, do I immediately tell him I’ve finished the song? Or do I wait until I’ve perfected it? Or do I—I can’t even finish my thought when the bell rings, signaling lunch time. Halfway through.

“Dreaming about mister Cutie Pie?” Madison’s voice startles me as I stand in line for lunch. “Hell, Madi. Give me a heart attack, why don’t you?” She gives me her most mischievous grin. “So, you’re not denying that you were dreaming about mister Cutie Pie?” “No,” she raises her eyebrows, “I mean, no I wasn’t dreaming about him because he’s still a douchebag.” I take a sandwich from the canteen lady. “A very cute Douchebag,” Madison wiggles her eyebrows. “How do you know he’s cute?” I ask as we move towards the fridges for some soda. “You told me. And I found him on Instagram.” She reaches in her bag for her phone whilst we head towards the table we always sit at. “How did you find him on Instagram?” I ask her, sitting down and taking the phone from her to look at his photos. Some of them look really cool and artsy, most of them with his guitar, whether that be electric or acoustic. “I checked the Music Store’s Instagram and looked through their followers and found about fifteen Charlies, but none of them as cute as this one.” I glance up at the handle at the top of his page. Charles_Gillespie. Gillespie? That’s a very unique last name. “You should be in the FBI, Mads,” I tell her and find myself scrolling through all of his pictures. “I mean, it’s no rocket science, babes,” she shrugs off her FBI-abilities. I shake my head at her, and then deep-dive into the wondrous world of Charlie Gillespie’s Instagram. Those eyes. They seem more golden in real life than they do in the pictures on here. And that smile. In one photo, he has like a really lazy smile on his face, but it looks so freakishly adorable that I nearly melt on the spot. “Someone has a crush!” Madison sings into my ear. “I do not,” I sound way more offended than I intended to. “Okay, fine. You do not. But when you stop being in denial, I’ll be here to tell you ‘told you so’,” Madison tells me sassily. I so want to say something to that, but I’m stumped. And too distracted by Charlie’s Instagram. I’m so distracted I even forget to eat and only leaves me with five minutes left to eat an entire sandwich. I shake my head at myself, disgusted by my own thoughts. This boy.

“Heading to work?” Madison asks me when she meets me at my locker after the final bell. “Yep, have to lock up again and work on my song,” I tell her, shutting my locker and shouldering my bag. “Do you think he’ll be there again?” I chuckle, “It would surprise me if he wasn’t. He’s been at the store every day since the day I met him.” Madison raises her eyebrows again. That’s how she looks at me a lot lately. “Someone has a crush on you.” That mischievous grin appears on her face again, and it just makes me shake my head disapprovingly, but I can’t help but smile too. The thought of him having a crush on me disgusts me and makes me feel all giddy inside at the same time. “Yeah, sure,” I say, “See you tomorrow, Madi,” I wave at her, leaving her behind at the school to make my way to the Music Store, where, to no surprise of mine, I find Charlie at the guitars again. He doesn’t even notice me walking in. “There’s only one customer left,” Ash tells me, “He’s been here a lot, hasn’t he?” “What? No? This surely is the first time I see him,” I reply, not being able to hide the sarcasm. “Just lock up when you’re done,” she says throwing me the keys before hopping across the counter. She’s the only person who could ever do that so smoothly. “And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” she yells over her shoulder and rushes away before I can come up with a good comeback. Completely leaving Charlie to his devices, I begin sweeping up the place. Scattered sheet music goes back in its place, dropped food wrappers are being picked up and thrown away, misplaced instruments go back into their place. I’m nearly done when I hear Charlie cough behind me. “Ah, Charles. Didn’t see you there,” I say when I turn around to face him. “Well, yeah… People tell me I can be very quiet,” he replies awkwardly. I hardly believe that. He’s the most obnoxious person I have ever met. “I wanted to ask; did you finish that song we sang the other day? I really liked it and I thought maybe if you’d finished it, we could sing it together?” My eyes widen at the mention of the song. Should I tell him the truth? “Uhm, no, I haven’t finished it yet.” The lie rolls off my lips before I can stop it. “Great! I actually had this idea for a verse last night,” he reaches into the pocket of his skinny jeans and a piece of folded up paper appears. “I think it would sound good as a bridge.” He unfolds the paper as he says it and then places it on top of the piano wing, reaching just past me. I get a whiff of his deodorant and aftershave. A blend of minty fresh and musky undertones. I realize it’s my favorite scent in the world. “I feel your rhythm in my heart, yeah You are my brightest, burning star, woah-woah I never knew a love so real We're heaven on earth, melody and words When we are together we're” He looks up at me every now and again when he’s singing. And all it does is cause hurricanes in my mind and the rhythm of my heart quickening. “And then it goes back into the chorus you wrote,” he finishes, breaking our eye contact once again. “Because, you know, that was really good.” He awkwardly coughs again. His eyes pleadingly looking up at me from underneath the strands of hair. That’s when I realize he isn’t wearing the beanie I’ve seen him with so many times. His brown locks lay messily across his head, but it creates a rougher look, which works for him. “Yeah, okay, thanks, Charles,” I say, recomposing and returning to the tougher façade I’m used to putting up around him. “You done? I need to clean up.” I point around the room to emphasize my lie. The room is entirely clean, I just need to get out of the situation. “Why are you pushing this away, Emily?” The question takes me aback a bit. “It’s obvious we’re supposed to write this song together. With both our ideas and creativity together, we can create so many amazing songs. This is meant to be, Emily. Why can’t you see that?” I’m not entirely sure what he means by ‘meant to be’. We are? Or as a band? Or a singer-songwriter-duo? I don’t even have the time to ask him, because he’s already turned around and making his way to the door. “I write alone,” I tell him quickly, causing him to freeze with his hand on the doorknob. He looks back at me with those pleading puppy eyes. “So, whatever you think is meant to be, it’s not going to happen.” He simply nods his head at that. “Good to know.” For the rest of that night, I wonder if that’s going to be the last I hear of him.

Even Uncle Mitch can tell something’s wrong when I’m in the kitchen making myself some food after my shift. He stares at me with those worried green eyes of his and sits down across from me at the table. “You want to vent?” he simply asks, which he knows is enough for me to break. I take a deep breath, wondering where to begin in this story and what to leave out for my old Uncle’s sake. “There’s this boy—” before I can continue, he jumps up. “Who do I need to chase down?” he tries to sound tough, but Uncle Mitch is the gayest of all the gays. He’s not afraid to show off his more feminine side. But in situations like this, when he pretends to be all tough dad and everything, it’s just kind of endearing. Because that’s not at all who he is. “No one, Uncle Mitch.” He slowly sits back down and lets me continue, propping his head onto his hand, elbow resting on the tabletop. “This boy always comes into the Music Store during my shifts. He either has this excuse to be there, buying picks or strings or polish or whatever, and one night he asked if he could stay and play some guitar whilst I clean up because he wanted to escape his parents,” I take a deep breath, remembering what my parents told me when I said what college I wanted to go to. “I couldn’t say no to that, could I?” Uncle Mitch hums with a small smile on his face. “So then he sang part of a song he wrote and it kind of matched with the song I was writing, so I sang along with him, and then we sang the chorus together and our voices match really well and they blend so beautifully and I bet you would’ve gotten goosebumps, Uncle Mitch,” he chuckles at that, “And today he came up with a bridge for the song and he sang it to me and it was perfect and I kind of shook him off. I should’ve told him how beautiful it was, but I didn’t.” I sniffle, tears pooling in my eyes, and I’m not even sure why. “And then he asked why I pushed him away because we’re meant to write songs together and I don’t disagree with him but…” I trail off as sobs take over my body. “But you can’t write songs with anyone else but your Uncle Bobby,” Uncle Mitch finishes, his voice sounds closer suddenly. When I wipe away the tears, I feel his arms snake around my body. All I can do is place my hands on his, and softly cry as he speaks. “I know it’s hard, Muffin, but you have to know that your Uncle Bobby wouldn’t want you to stop making music. He’d tell you to go for it if he heard how well the two of you work together. I think you know he’d want you to work with this cute boy.” “I never said he was cute,” I chuckle between the sniffles. “You’re crying at the dining table about a boy. If he’s not cute, I don’t know what you’re crying about.” He lets go of me and assesses me from a distance. I look up at him. “He’s cute right?” I nod my head. “I’ve taught you well.” He presses a kiss to my head and makes his way out of the kitchen. “I don’t know what to tell him when I see him again though? If I ever see him again.” “Just make sure your song is finished and show him what you’ve made of it. Then he’ll realize you’ve changed your mind.” I nod my head, taking in all the advice. “And I’m sure you’ll see him again, Muffin. You’re a catch.” He winks at me before completely disappearing out of the kitchen. “It’s creepy when you say that!” I shout after him before turning back to my food. “But it’s not when Cutie from the Music Store says it!” I hear him faintly somewhere in the house. Uncle Mitch is the best person in the entire world. I wouldn’t know what to do with him. Mom and dad wouldn’t know what to tell me in a situation like this. Dad would probably hunt Charlie down and mom would tell me I wasn’t ready for a relationship with a boy. Thank Heaven’s for Uncle Mitch. The light in the darkest dark. He’ll shine bright forever.  

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[guigz1-coldwar]

'An familiar face': New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"An familiar face"

Chapter Summary : Yirina is getting to work with Zasha & Park on some transmissions from the KGB....but an old face brings back old fears....

To read it on AO3, click here !

Words : +3300

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Moscow.....It's been an long time I didn't step in here and I don't think I would like to stay here too much, a feeling that I'm sure that Zasha is sharing with me even if we are no longer alone with Park, Garrett, Greta & now Mason, Woods and I can say Song too....not Hudson however....guy's an dick, why I would be happy to see his face around all day ? Me & Zasha were like in the good old 'Motherland' and it's sure that we really want to have Portnova back quickly before we left the country behind us and maybe never think about it again.

But since we got nothing on Portnova except for her presence in Moscow, our trip here is gonna last more than usual. Garrett & Greta decided to provide help to Woods's group and also helping us for an bit, acting like intermediaries between the two groups and that was meaning that only me, Park and Zasha will be entirely focused on Portnova while Woods and his team would do their own business at their side. Since Portnova is still an KGB agent and we're in the middle of the USSR, it's better that we stay an low number on her.

Woods gave us an small workplace inside the warehouse and to be honest, even if it was small, it was enough for the three of us. An simple desk that we were sharing with Park & Zasha and on it, the necessary materials to decrypt transmissions. Next to the desk, a free wall was used for us to put pictures for our work as we didn't have any dashboard, the main one getting used by the others. But even with that, we had to wait an large part of the day until the beginning of the night before Garrett managed to find for us the means to intercept the KGB transmissions from the city.

With that intel, me & Zed started to work on the first transmissions we succeded to intercept from the KGB since Perseus is infiltrated everywhere. Of course, Park was there to assist and at the same time, we make her learn of our work as the KGB was using my code to be certain, meaning that either someone learned of my code or it was Portnova herself and only her.

"Wow, I can say that your code is kinda hard to decrypt." Park said, astonished as she was trying to decrypt an transmission me & Zasha make for her as a training exercice as we were both working on separates real ones. The transmissions we intercepted before were able to give us some intels about the KGB's activities in the city but nothing to help us with Portnova...everything was beneficying Woods's team in reality.

"It took years of training to create something like that." I told her as I drop my pen that I used back on the table, next to the paper I was decrypting to look at her. "And if you're talented enough, you can break it in an very short time." I added, tapping with my index finger on the paper, with an smile.

"Seems that cryptography is written in your veins." She remarked, grinning at me as she moved her chair closer to me.

"Well, I don't remember exactly where did all of this start to be something for me but yeah, I can say that." I exclaimed, not wanting to brag about myself before I turned around to look at Zasha. "What about you, Zed ?" I asked.

"Uhm ?" They moaned as they were focused on working, my question breaking them away from decrypting the transmission they were busy on. "You want to know how I learned cryptography ?" They demanded and we nodded to them as they weren't listening entirely to us. "Well, it was always something I wanted to do before I entered the Soviet army in the 10th Hichaurskiy Detachment as a border trooper." They started to reply, putting their pen down to take their cup of coffee in hands.....it was the fourth cup of coffee in the day....

"And after that, you joined the KGB, if I remember ?" I chuckled, remembering the very first memory I got back when I met Zasha in my old office....it was like one of my first memories.

"Exactly." They took an sip of their coffee before looking back at us. "You maybe wonder how I met Yirina ?" They looked at Park, knowning that it was maybe an question that she was asking herself since she learned of Zasha's existence.

"Well, I was wondering that." Park put her arm on the desk and holding her head with it, looking curious to Zasha.

"To start, Perseus did wanted to put an test to every KGB cryptographer except for Yirina : we have to break an code in an short amount of time and I was the first one to do this." They affirmed, confirming the memory I got....they really did this in an short time. "Yirina chosed me & since, we were like best friends." I smiled at them as they put their cup down, breathing with their mouth close. "She's the only one in the KGB alongside Portnova who wasn't troubled by what I am." They added, making me make an friendly tap on their shoulder.

"And in here, we all proud of what you are, Zed." I affirmed, making them smile before I looked at Park who agreed about my statement.

"I agree at 100 % about what Yirina just said." She exclaimed, sure of her words as Zasha grinned before they mimicked the same position as Park.....well, they were looking very curious, with an question in their mind.

"Tell me of something....." They started. "When the two of you has started to date ?" At hearing this, I looked at Park, almost blushing about it....could say that it was an risky question to ask us.

"Uhm..." I bit my lips, rolling my eyes away as I wasn't so sure of talking about. "It was back in an old CIA safehouse to say." I put my eyes on Park and her eyes went wide before she knew it was too late to back down.

"Yirina was the one to do the first step." Park put her hands on my shoulders as I was looking at Zasha who was grinning about learning of that. "We kissed in the darkroom of the place and since, we're together."

"If we don't count the fact that I was in an coma." I added.

"Yeah, if we don't count that." Park whispered before I could feel her arms getting wrapper around my shoulders. "She's making me more happy since she came back into my arms."

"Me too." I affirmed as I touch her arms with my hands, smiling as Zasha was looking at us....we were like acting like two teenagers in love before we moved back to our former positions, still blushing from that. "Well, those transmissions are not going to get decrypted themselves." I breathed and then we were back to work.

Having Park & Zasha at my side working with me.....it was so wonderful for me, it was like more Park getting accepted by Zasha like I was accepted by her friends and that was so cool, it make me feel more alive. After that friendly moment, we were back focused on the transmissions that we were on and for an first, it was looking like we could start to have something that could help us to save Portnova from Perseus.

Apparently, the KGB is suspecting one of their owns to have some 'differents opinions' and by luck, that person is working inside Portnova's team since some times even if the proofs are still unclear. This person did became an target for us and what Zasha was decrypting gave us more infos about that person : name's Lukas Ritter, an former East-German pilot of the LSK that was transferred to the KGB thanks to his cryptography skill after an mission that did go wrong. That was the only thing we got from him.

After that, I took the transmissions we just decrypted as Park was still working on her exercice, to hook them on the wall we were using as an dashboard. Once I was done, I was ready to move until my eyes fell on the picture of Perseus himself and I couldn't remove them from it before I closed my eyes....trying to think.

I found myself back into the old safehouse in West-Berlin as I was near the dashboard, putting on it some of my work I have done to trying to decrypt the old Operations Chaos that was organized by an rogue CIA agent called Robert Aldrich. As I was finished to put everything I've got, I was ready to move until I found something weird hooked to the dashboard, just below the files about the operation that we just did in Ukraine.

It was an sort of an keychain with an mysterious man on it with the inscription 'Burger Town' that was like holded by this little figurine hand. I took it in my hand very curious about it until I fell a hand on my left shoulder.

"I could see that you find Bubby." I turned my head around to see Lazar standing next to me with an smile.

"Buddy ?" I whispered, looking back at the keychain.

"No, Bubby." Lazar corrected me. "B-U-B-B-Y." He added as I rolled my eyes to him.

"Laz', I know, no need to spell me the word." I exclaimed, making him laugh an little as me I was still curious about something. "Why did it end up here ?" I asked.

"Oh, Woods found it when you, Park, Mason & him walked through the fake Burger Town restaurant in that base in Ukraine." He responded, taking an look at the keychain. "Woods claimed that it was maybe filled with russian intels."

"And ?" I raised an eyebrow

"In here, we all know that it isn't true because Woods loves Burger Town, especially Bubby." Lazar added as he tap with his hand on my shoulder in an friendly way.

"So, we can remove it from the dashboard ?" I suggested as it was just an simple keychain from an american fast food.

"No, you're crazy !" Lazar faked an incomprehension, looking scared. "Woods is gonna kill us all if Bubby isn't here." I looked at the keychain, wondering who would kill for this before I took a deep breath.

"Fine." I said in an lazy voice as I put back the keychain at its place. "If we don't want to get us all killed by an onion." I scoffed, making me & Lazar laugh an little.

"Yeah, it's better." He affirmed as he looked around to see no one. "Hey....did you tell Park about your feelings ?" He asked discreetly and I shook my head. "You told me that you will do it today."

"I'm not...in the right mood, okay ?" I expressed, biting an small part of my lips as I look at him. "I'm gonna tell her later."

"You will." He poked at me before he could see Adler coming in. "We'll talk later then." He then removed himself from me, leaving me alone next to the dashboard as Adler was coming back to get to me.

"So, you finished to talk with Lazar ?" He asked me in an harsh tone, arriving next to his desk.

"Yes." I simply replied as I was looking back to the dashboard and not at him before my eyes fell on the only Perseus picture we had on the safehouse and I was like hypnotized by it for about a lot of seconds

"You know, those transmissions aren't going to get decrypted themselves if you're continuing to stare at this picture." Adler remarked as he move to get next to me

"I know but this face...." I started as I put my hands on my waist, this picture was like talking to me, hearing his voice through my ears and it was strange....very strange...."It's looking so familiar to me." I whispered in an low voice.

"You're kidding ?" Adler scoffed as he was taking an cigarette from his pocket to light it up as I was serious in my voice.

"No...it seems that....I know this man....I don't know how but something's off about me." I exclaimed sure about my words as I continue to look at Perseus's picture.

"You must be tired, kid." Adler said in an lazy voice before he move, feeling his left hand on my right shoulder before he took a deep breath to speak....

"Bell, we have a job to do !"

"Yirina ?" I opened my eyes again...back into reality in the CIA safehouse and still feeling an hand on my right shoulder. I slowly turned my head around to see Park herself, looking worried. "You're okay ?" She asked me.

"Uhm...yeah." I replied but my voice was betraying so much and my face....looking so damn pale.

"It's been like 5 minutes you stand up here, looking at this picture." She pointed at the picture of Perseus himself as I wasn't feeling so well in me right now.

"I know but this face...." I started to say and....in my voice, it was Bell speaking....not me. "It's looking so familiar to me." I whispered....still feeling me as Bell as I could feel more dizzy in my head and Park getting more worried about me.

"Yirina, you're not well." She exclaimed as she put her both hands on my shoulders. "What's wrong ?" She questioned me, turning me around as I could see Zasha also looking at me, worried too.

"I...I don't know....something's off about me !" I said, repeating the same words in that memory before I look at my hands, trembling and feeling more than weird. "Park, I...I don't feel so good." I then found myself losing balance as my heart was like beating unusually before I fell in Park's arms, my eyes crying.

"Shit, Yiri." She was sounding so panicked as she received me falling in her arms, I could feel her own pain by touching her. "Zasha, help me quick !" She ordered as I could see briefly Zasha running from their chair to get to me.

"What's happening ?" They asked to Park.

"Something bad." She replied, her breaths sounding more heavier and louder. "We're going to put her in the couch, take her legs." She added before I could feel my legs going off the ground, holded by Zasha.

They then started to move me through the whole safehouse to get to the couch Zasha used to sleep and during that, I could see the confused look on the others faces. I tried to look away from them as I was like crying with my eyes. I was put on the couch, laying down on it as Zasha and Park stayed near me, not wanting me to pass out as the others started to gather around them, wondering what was happening.

"What's got into her ?" Garrett was the first one to ask Park as me, I was looking at the ceilling, my hands posed on my chest, my breaths more frequent are louder. Park was kneeled, having put her hands on top of mine while Zasha

"Why is she like that ?" Greta added, confused as hell before I looked at everyone and especially at Mason who was looking bad for me, he know well of what was happening, he has gone through hell....and it was my turn to do it.

"I'm going go take the medkit." Song exclaimed, walking away from the scene.

"Park, tell us." Woods demanded, looking worried as he was next to Mason.

"I don't know but...." Park started, holding back her tears as looking at her was making me sad. "She maybe see something that she didn't want to see....or having heard something that she didn't want to hear." She added and I nodded at the last part, focused on catching back my breath. "You heard something ?"

"Ad....Adler...." I breathed and only by that, I could see Park, Mason & Woods eyes face decomposing themselves, already knowing of it.

"Shit, you heard him tell his fucking phrase." Mason chuckled, clenching his own fists before I could see him struggling on his face. "Damnit....I might need some fresh air or rest again." He then walk away, getting to his room as he was probably refacing some bad memories in him before I could see Song coming back with the medkit.

"You gonna feel better after that little shot." Song affirmed as she was getting out of the medkit....an syringue and then I started to panick like I was seeing Adler again before he injected me with an syringue right into the eye socket.

"No, please....don't do this !" I pleaded, panicked as hell as I was seeing myself back into that stretcher 3 years ago. "I can't....Park....don't let her do this." I added, looking at Park who was like me and also crying in her eyes. "I'm....don't let this needle touch me." I ordered before I cried again fully this time as Park was like petrified and she couldn't do anything only to recomfort me but as Song was getting next to me, I could see Zasha coming by next to her.

"Hey, you didn't hear what she said ?" They exclaimed, almost angry in their voice, putting themselves right in front of her. "She doesn't want that."

"But...."

"There is not but, Song." Zasha said, cutting her straight in her words, taking an quick look at me panicking with Park, holding me. "You're going to hurt her more than ever if you inject her with that." They pointed at the syringue in her hand. "Trust me, you don't want to do this." They added before I could see Garrett arriving behind Song.

"Kwan....I think that they're right." He affirmed, putting his hands on her shoulders. "I can't let you do that." He added, sniffing almost sad.

"Okay." Woods started, moving himself to get between Park and everyone else. "It might be better that we let her breath freely and to go to rest." He proposed as I could see everyone except Park & Zasha, looking at me before the other nodded, starting to leave. Garrett & Song were the first to leave to go to their room before Woods left too, leaving only me, Park, Zasha & Greta here.

"Uhm, I think I will go sleep in the car if you want." She proclaimed, joining her hands together as she wasn't looking good. "It's better that you two stay here for her." She added, talking to Zasha & Park before she decided to left the warehouse, leaving us alone.

"Does that....does that happen frequently ?" Zasha asked, curious about it as they moved next to Park, she shook her head.

"No, the last time she did this....it was days before this event in New Jersey." Park replied, looking more sad than ever before she put my hands inside hers. "Yiri, I'm here with you, no one is going to harm you."

"Yes....yes." I breathed as I was trying to pull out a smile on my face even if I was crying off my state as Zasha moved their hand on touch my right leg.

"We're here for you, Yirina." They added with an small grin on their face. "We will never let you down." I smiled at hearing them....it was true, real....they will not let me down....I looked at Park relieved.

"By the way...I managed to decrypt the transmission you gave me." She started before she moved one of her hands towards my cheek, cleaning the few tears that was falling down. "It was saying....'I love you, Park' " It....it was an idea I've got for an exercice with her and I was like so happy that she succeeded to do this.

"Don't worry, Yirina. We're here." Zasha repeated again as I could see some tears on their face too that they cleaned up fast....I have an big impact on Zed & Park and they did have an bigger impact for me......

"Thanks you to be here for me, Zed.....thanks you, Park....my beloved."