#AND IT MAKES ME CRY TOO oh i am so hyped for this

[nitw]

in order of initial progress so far (is updating)! what the fuck is this game’s problem

EDIT: i had to make flynn’s in 2 parts because what in the sam hill. get it. s. sam ...................................

[mad-hunts]

in response to the other's answer in regards to what jervis would prefer on his toast, jack simply nodded. he'd found himself at a loss for what else to say even though that was actually quite rare for him. maybe it was the idea that barton could be outside at that very moment, listening in, that made jack suddenly feel like a fog had rolled into his mind; making it so that he could protect himself without even knowing for sure that there was a threat in the first place.

barton didn't like talking about julien - he'd pretty much stowed away every single picture but one the family had with him in it, in fact. for it still hurt him too much to look at them. therefore, especially considering his father's history of not being able to regulate his moods well, jack might have to perform 'damage control' if that were the case. but crossing the bridge if he were to get there seemed to apply quite well here. so, the farceur chose to move on and it turned out to be wisely, too.

jervis did look very tense lying there with jack visibly appearing to want to curl up into himself and never come out. after going to the nearby trunk in the room, he opened it. this was done as a means to distract the both of them from succumbing to the weight of their own differing circumstances. though there was certainly a good cover reason for jack to, ❝ oh, wow. ahh... i almost forgot that its supposed to get down into the forties tonight so you might need this. its going to be cold, after all, ❞ it was also hitting sundown at that moment as well.

jack could tell by just looking through the crack in the curtains of the one window in the room. while gnawing on his bottom lip, he pulled out the plush blanket inside of the chest only to shake it out a bit. now, as jack tossed the blanket up just enough to cover jervis's body without touching him? something matilda told him a few years ago echoed in his mind during a conversation they had late at night: 'you know, i know you'd like nothing more than to get rid of all your feelings sometimes - but i hope you never change.'

jack just remembered looking up at the tent he was in that day of camping afterward, as he decided he should probably get to sleep. but it felt validating in a way he couldn't explain as well even now. because jack's first instinct upon seeing jervis was that he was struggling, so he should help him; though one could definitely say that sense of responsibility had made him suffer in the past. thank goodness sucking in a deep breath through his nostrils and exhaling could allow jack to quiet his mind then.

he tilted his head at the other's words and squinting his eyes, deep in thought. of course if jervis didn't believe in one, that was fine, but it appeared like he might. these sorts of concepts could trigger whole debates for a reason, however, as spirituality was something that jack affiliated himself with. but religion? he wasn't so sure, so he more than understood when jervis settled for saying his loved ones being at peace was simply something he wanted to believe in. with jack's sudden exit came the arrival of a much less benevolent figure, to say the least, and barton couldn't say he blamed jervis for seemingly somewhat disappointed that his son left.

jack was easy to get along with, and with just a little bit of time spent with him, he might just win someone over with his compassionate nature. barton knew this well along with the reality he had to learn other people's behaviors throughout the years to appear at least 'semi-normal.' how that was going for the doctor would often depend on who you asked, though. barton could only snort derisively at that, ❝ funny. just remember, you'd be in arkham right now if it weren't for me and my daughter. ❞ he pointed a sharpened nail in the direction of jervis as he proceeded into the room.

the same crack in the curtains jack had once looked through was soon closed with a quick 'swishing' motion. barton was personally raised with a very limited exposure to faith, as neither wesley nor winslow were particularly religious father figures. but barton could admire those who participate in it regardless of their level of involvement in it. though it could be used as a force of evil as much as it could be used for good, a lot of humanity existed in shades of gray.

so even if they were under the threat of suffering through something like eternal damnation after death... in barton's mind, it was only a matter of time before someone used a widespread thing like faith to their own advantage. and maybe this was bad of him but thinking about wesley being in such a place somewhat brought him a sense of twisted satisfaction; because at least barton would be getting a form of justice for every fearful moment wesley put him through that way. barton only blinked as his eyes trailed from jervis's face to the teacup that jack had presumably brought him.

shockingly enough, all he felt when he discovered that marty's father was a powerful figure was an incredible amount of disbelief for a moment before it fizzled away. barton was used to things getting worse even if he couldn't have seen this coming. plus, he'd gotten frighteningly good at treating human lives like this police captain's more as obstacles than actual beings. it remained to be seen which one jervis was to barton. he squinted his eyes before standing up and ultimately finding out that, yeah, he had done that too quickly.

barton felt like he was green around the gills all over again, ❝ that is one way to put it, jervis. but don't worry. you just reminded me that, although we're going to have to get creative, there are ways of getting away with it. i'd say pinning his murder on someone else might be the best. ❞ he uttered after swallowing thickly, making a 'turn around' gesture with his finger towards the other. barton talking about murder as if it was light dinner conversation said everything that needed to be said about how he felt about their current predicament.

maybe it was because he was still feeling a lot of malaise, but no part of it bothered him in particular. the doctor was more worried about jervis becoming queasy because he accidentally saw the scars where he'd stitched on yves's arm to his own body, ❝ uhh, just in case you didn't get that, turn around. i'm going to change my shirt. ❞ once that was done, barton slipped his current bloodied one over his head only to replace it with the other. he slumped down in the chair to the table opposite of jervis and looked over the tarot cards laid out before him.

barton, too, knew how to interpret them. ❝ what were you two planning on doing with these? a 'past, present, and future' reading? because i can do it while my son's gone for you. ❞

Jervis gave the barest of shrugs as he glanced at Jack through his bangs, the quiet rhythm of their breathing, the slow drip of the IV, and the faint shifting of the cards against the tabletop the only sounds piercing the air. "Either one sounds perfectly agreeable. I defer to your good judgment." A ghost of a smile, pale and wan, tugged at his mouth for an infinitesimal moment.

Call it the lingering pangs of paternal instinct or projection, whatever you felt was most appropriate, but some flicker of warmth—worry mingling with concern—stirred within Jervis' breast; softening the veneer of exhaustion and discomfort that clothed him like a second skin. Like an invisible cancer that had latched onto him, draining his vitality—a slow-acting poison decades in the making; only this time, the source was external, a reflection of Jack's own unease radiating across the space between them.

Jervis drew in a shallow breath, feeling the tightness in his chest not as his own, but as if their nerves had blurred and grown entangled. He tried to focus, willing his own breath to steady, his hands to unclench. A low chuckle escaped Jervis' chapped lips at Jack's query. The medications in his IV coursed through him, cold and prickling, sending a frisson over his skin as goosebumps rose in response. And yet, somehow, it eased the deep ache within him, dulling the edges of both pain and nausea. He could feel the weight of his discomfort receding, just slightly, as though the medicine were smoothing his raw nerves; coaxing him toward a delicate, unfamiliar calm.

Not quite like ketamine.... not like the cozy, blithesome feeling that coursed through his veins with each dose. Even when most of his prior consumption of the drug hadn't been consensual—thick enough to cut his teeth on, it ensured small pockets of blissful ignorance hardening into a dissociative shell, like callus. (God bless those poor, ministering angels at Arkham... only a trace of spite and animosity there, rage bleeding with sorrow at how his autonomy and consent was completely ignored, snatched... one wrong move, and he was left cowering in a crumpled heap, or otherwise dead to the world... but now? Would the scales be tipped, if they managed to drag him back there? He wasn’t sure he wanted to know that answer.) If Odysseus and his crew had been desperate to escape the Lotus Eaters only to stumble unwittingly into the clutches of Polyphemus, Jervis felt quite the opposite.

For better or worse, the ketamine had left him numb to everything.

The pain, the grief, the anguish that tore gouges in his heart and mind; lacerated his psyche to shreds, in conjunction with the ECT. Somehow, he compartmentalized it... gravitated to the cannabis as an alternative upon his discharge, once he'd regained his center of gravity and emerged from his self-immurement; the fractures left by his losses and lessons grinding him to the bone. Everything it cost him and what he'd earned in exchange. Simon. Arabella. His time in Ireland. Sylvie. The flood. Alice.

The lengths he had gone...

And so Jervis chuckled; the sound dry and hollow, barely touching his eyes. He met Jack’s gaze, his expression tightening as he mulled over the question, tasting the irony in it.

“An afterlife…” he murmured, his eyes drifting. Thoughts and memories broke the surface like apples bobbing in a bucket: Simon and Stephen putting aside their differences over the blessing at Passover; his and Arabella's quiet, but spirited discussions of Heaven and the saints and catechism, the differences between the Old and New Testaments as they strolled along the shoreline. Stories of the witch trials in Ireland, of John Calvin and his legacy in Scotland.

All the old beliefs he’d grown up with circled back and hit like a tidal wave, tied as much to memories of family as to the concept of religious faith itself, all its beauty and diverse forms, yet it left him feeling frigid now. For a little over three decades, he'd told himself that he could appreciate the mythology of it all, even found it strangely comforting at times, but belief? That had always been a different thing entirely.

Jervis' mind tugged him back to reality. He could sense Jack’s curiosity pressing at the edge of his own awareness, a secondary presence so strong it was almost rendered a physical form. "That's.... a complicated notion, from where I'm standing.” He let out a slow, careful breath; curled his fingers back around his necklace as he dissected the question. “But... yes. I'd like to think our loved ones are at peace."

He could map it all in a dozen lines, right down to his own lived experiences, the rules he tried so hard to follow, the ideals that always seemed to warp and fray. There was karma, consequence, perhaps even the lingering shadows of what people might call a curse. But the idea of any higher being calling the shots? It gnawed at him like an old wound. And so Jervis looked back at Jack, almost apologetic, the faint sting of an old ache flickering beneath his words.

He was spared from elaborating with Barton's sudden appearance; lurking on the threshold like a wraith. Poor Jack's confidence and ease withered like a hapless petunia caught in the dead of winter. A few quiet words of dismissal and a pat to the shoulder were all that heralded the reluctant, leery departure of his one potential ally in the wolf's den.

'As phantoms frighten beasts when shadows fall.' Jervis sighed, slowly pulled himself into a sitting position, looked Barton in the eye; as well as he could, anyway, with the lingering gray spots and his missing glasses still impeding his line of sight. “Maybe we each make our own heaven—or our own hell.”

Perhaps that was petty or harsh of him to say out loud... though that was the truth of the matter. Jervis didn’t need religious belief to drive him, after all; he needed only his own peculiar code, that precarious balance between curiosity and cynicism, and the sense of duty he still felt for a daughter who had deserved something far more stable, more secure; safer than the patchwork life he had known. Whatever his flaws, his faults, some small part of him still respected the right to believe—what faith meant to others; its power to inspire, to build, to destroy. The cause and effect of human history, the double-edged promises of faith. And maybe that was the root of it: faith could be a tool, a guide, a balm.

But then the stark, often bitter truths he’d learned through survival would come rushing back. Besides, he reckoned, Barton likely wouldn't give a damn about any of his prior train of thought. In any case, on the topic of hell, Jervis never pictured the vast, cavernous expanse of fire and brimstone that Jonathan Edwards had once preached about in the summer of 1741. No. Hell always conjured up fevered images of a frozen lake in the deepest, darkest part of the center of the earth, untouched by light and warmth and life—the last of Dante Alighieri's nine circles.

'I sometimes think we must be all mad and that we shall wake to sanity in strait-waistcoats.'

He was torn from the thick mire of his thoughts, yanked back outside his mind as if caught in a sudden hurricane at Barton’s next revelation. Jervis shut his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose, then reached for the cup of tea Jack had brought him. The liquid within was a warm, golden amber—like sea glass he’d once collected as a child in Bermuda, or the bits Alice would gather along Gotham’s coastline on their rare visits when she was little.

How simple those days were...

"Well." Jervis' voice was completely flat, his brow creasing with incredulity and disgust. Barton’s outline weaved and blurred before his eyes like a will-o’-the-wisp. No more, no more… no room, no room. He felt completely hollow. "Trading one problem for another, are we?" His scarred knuckles bulged as his fingers curled around the delicate porcelain; his grip hard enough to produce a faint, foreboding crack.

He would weep, if he had anymore tears left to shed over their predicament. For Marty and his partner, for the trouble Jack and Matilda had been brought into by association… but none for himself or Barton. He wasn’t certain he was worthy of it; and Barton had no qualms over their actions, he’d freely admitted it at that bistro earlier. Jervis’ hands tingled, as if they were still covered by the bloodied gloves he wore when he dispatched the driver in order to retrieve Alice’s rabbit, wielding his hatpins on pure impulse; there was no premeditation involved, but there was no discounting how surgical his actions had been in their efficacy with each targeted nerve cluster and artery. He wasn’t indulging in self-pity, oh no… nothing so shallow or solipsistic. Not like that at all. Just a pure ant mill of growing dread and horror and regret, one that couldn’t be encompassed by words alone.

His teeth sought the gouges in the corner of his mouth from where he’d previously bit himself in the throes of his nightmares, worrying at the cuts till they began to sting anew.

‘Despair has its own calms.’

[buntanteen]

svt fic recs list <3 - minghao birthday edition - sfw & nsfw ver.

summary: 7 days of xu minghao reader insert fics for his birthday

contains: 18+ nsfw (mdni!!) majority is afab reader

✩ svt writing & fic rec masterlist ✩

✩ sfw section ✩

❥ minghao as your boyfriend - @babyleostuff

OH TO BE CUDDLED BY MINGHAOOOOO!! i loveeee the idea of him putting lil fashion shows on for his partner (i'm not the most fashionable but i love his style and WILL hype the boi up for whatever he puts me in😌) i love him being confident in him and his partner being endgame. he feels like the kind to just be really aware of how and his partner feels :3

❥ minghao boyfriend habits - @odxrilove

AS SOMEONE WHO CANNOT KEEP MY SLEEVES ROLLED UP FOR THE LIFE OF ME, THANK YOUUUU

shut up the writing the initials on the his blank canvases before painting?? like dedicating all his art to reader 🥺 (i also love the idea he'd write the initials at the back of the wood part too :3)

minghao is DEFINITELY the kind to get you a drink when he gets one. bro takes his tea serioussssly

the crook of my necks is yours minghao, whatever you want dude 🥹

❥ whatever you want - @wheeboo

reader fucking up the pronunciation is so on brand for me (...i did chinese lessons for 10 years and idk anything still😭😭)

and of courseeee he'd be a tease about this, this man is so silly and cheeky

terms of endearment make me melttt hehe

❥ dating xu minghao includes - @svtswhorehouse

i WILL learn to make minghao's favourite food to impress him (seeing him and jun always making the members chinese food is so cute to me i love it so much)

i just KNOW he'd be the soothing kind of boyfriend, making sure his partner's wellbeing is all taken care of (and it shows so well in this) 🥰

"slow and sensual kisses"?!?! *kicks feet and giggles*

❥ bf texts with the8! nana tour edition - @kozukensgf

crying and dying this is too funny skdjgbfdkg

him checking in on reader vs the sassy ass texts vs the nana tour mischief

nana tour has such a big spot in my carat heart ahh i love this

✩ nsfw section ✩

❥ midnight cravings - @junkissed

god...he'd be so attentive i cannnnnnnn't rn sjkgfb GOD THIS IS SO HOT SJFKBD (SORRY I DON'T HAVE MANY WORDS I'M BLUSHING TOO MUCH AFTER READING DFKJGB)

❥ goodnight n go - @hannieehaee

i love me a lil idol!reader and 97 liner type fic heh 😌 the fics gave such a natural progression of friendship into romance, which i lovedddd

obsessed with the part about the necklace. he would definietely put so much thought and care into his romantic partner. he cares a lot about his mom's opinion so giving reader something that means a lot to his family seems so on brand

ames note: happy earlyyyyy birthday for minghaoooo!! if anyone is wondering while there's significantly less the8 fics than my usual fic recs, this is cuz i don't read a lot of work about him. i don't see him in a romantic or sexual way, but i really didn't want to leave him with nothing birthday related, so this is what i came up with!! i hope everyone enjoysss~ ς(.>‿<)

[xsaltburnx]

Don't leave me

Comforting Farleigh after Felix's death

Farleigh Start x female reader

a/n: I really wanted to write this because I feel like Farleigh needed someone to comfort him and tell him everything's going to be alright after he got yelled at and he definitely deserved better, poor baby, (also that's what I think the scene is about, if I got it wrong, sorry)

warning: Felix dying, swearing, everybody treating Farleigh like shit, drugs, Farleigh crying a lot

word count: 3,299

You have known Farleigh for as long as you can remember. He's always been there for you. Your rock, your shoulder to cry on, someone who knew all of your secrets and all your problems, always ready to help you. Even if it was 4 pm or 4 am, you called and he was there.

And you were always there for him. Even though most of the times you two were on different continents and hours and miles away from each other, you never let something like that ruin what you two had. Then things started getting a lot easier because Farleigh came to live in England and since then you were inseperable. Yes, you did spend quite some time at Saltburn even when Farleigh wasn't here because you were really good friends with Felix and then later met Venetia, who you've clicked with just like that. Yes, sometimes they had their own opinion on Farleigh and sometimes you hated the way they talked about him but he somehow learned how to shake that off and not take it too seriously, so you did exactly that even though deep down it hurt to listen.

When you joined Oxford university, you and Farleigh became even closer and you eventually fell in love with him. You kept it a secret for quite some time because you were afraid to talk about your feelings because you didn't want to lose him. He was your home and you weren't planning on losing that, but luckily he felt the same and that was it. He was everything you always wanted and you swore you would never let him go or do anything that would harm him or let him battle his problems alone. No fucking way.

Everything was going great. You finished another year at Oxford, celebration obviously planned there and then later at Saltburn. Summer was about to begin and you had a feeling this summer was going to be one to remember. And oh boy it was.. but for very different reasons.

"Hey baby." Farleigh walked into your dorm, closing the door behind him, his arms immedistely wrapping around your body, hugging you from behind. "Did you finish packing?" He aks gently as he looked around the room, your clothes still splatered across the floor and your bed, messier than the first night you came here.

"Shut up." You playfully hit his arm as you heard him chuckle in your ear, his lips connecting with the top of your head in a gentle kiss. "I still have so much to do, I'll never make it in time."

"Yes you will, I'll wait for you, you know I'm not leaving." He spun you around, his hands resting on your waist as he pulled you closer and hugged you tightly, one of those as you called them grizly bear hugs.

"Then help me pack?" You batted your eyelashes at him and made a pouty face, hoping it would work.

"Oh no, that's not fair, don't do that, you know I can't resis that face" He said and kissed your lips swiftly, his fingers tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. "Of course I'll help."

"Is anybody else coming with us?" You asked while folding your t-shirts, placing them neatly inside your suitcase.

"Oliver fucking Quick." Farleigh trailed off.

"What?" You quickly turned around to look at him, unsure if you heard that correctly. You obviously didn't like him, I mean Fekix though he was a very inspiring person but you and Farleigh? You didn't get the hype and always held him on his toes.

"Yeah, Felix invited him. I don't know why, something about him not wanting to go home because of his parents."

"Do Elspeth and James know that?" You asked, crossing your arms.

"Yes, apparently Elspeth is extremely excited to meet him. That'll be interesting." Farleigh closed one of your bags and placed it on his shoulder. "Damn, what do you have in here, rocks?"

"Very funny, no, all the vibrators you gave me." You said, laughing, seriousness washed over his face.

"Oh really?" He dropped the bag on the floor and grabbed your waist, hoisting your body up on his shoulder, his large hand smacking you on the ass. Your laugh echoed throughout the room, probably audible outside too, but that's how Farleigh always wanted you to be. Such beautiful laughter, it was like music to his ears, like daisies adorning a beautiful meadow. He gently put you down on the bed and laid on top of you, his thumb caressing your soft cheek.

"I love you." He whispered, a special kind of sparkle in his eyes, a smile plastered on his face.

"I love you too, Farleigh." His hot breath washed over your face, his lips slightly brushed yours before he kissed you gently, a moment of bliss before the big storm.

~ ° * ° ~

Summer at Saltburn? Always crazy and busy, but the busy part? Partying and laying out on the freshly cut grass or swimming in the pool. That was all you did there every summer. Not a bad life, you always thought to yourself, but sometimes it was nice to go back to reality and to a real life.You'd be lying if you said you didn't get used to this kind of life, the glamour, the dinner parties, dressing up,it was quite fun to a certain point. When it was too much, you and Farleigh packed your bags and left for a week or two, all alone, away from all of it. But to someone, this life was inviting them in more and more as each day passed.

And then the Cattons decided to throw Oliver a birthday party. 200 people? 300? You lost count. I mean if it's a party then it's a great idea, but for the entire night Farleigh had a very strange feeling about everything that night. He watched Oliver just skulk around almost every room in the house, people not paying too much attention to him. Most of them only knew him as "the birthday boy" but only a few of them knew his actual name. There was something strange about him, Farleigh always kept an eye on him.

...and he was right...

Around 11 am you felt someone shaking your body, trying to wake you up. You opened your eyes and saw Farleigh standing in front of you and you immediately knew something was wrong. His eyes were wide and his hands were shaking, his mannerisms completely different than how he usually is.

"What is it?" You asked and instantly sat up on the bed, fear in your eyes and in your voice, your heart suddenly picking up its pace, a sudden wave of ringing filling up your ears.

"Felix is missing." Farleigh trailed off.

"What?" You quickly got up and didn't even bother to put on shoes. You ran outisde and saw Venetia in the water, walking around, waving her hands underwater. You ran towards her with Farleigh, both of you joining her, hoping he's not in here and that he's fine. Then you heard a gut wrenching scream coming from the maze. You looked at Farleigh and instantly felt tears well up in your eyes. You shook your head and walked as quickly as possible to the edge, climbed and got up, the three of you running towards the maze.

You knew the maze like the back of your hand so it was easy to get to the center, but at that moment you wish that you could just get lost in there because what you all saw was something you would never be able to forget as it was buried inside you mind very deeply.

Felix was laying there on his stomach, golden wings still attached to his back. His body a pale colour, almost a hint of blue, his beautiful eyes now without that incredible spark that you got so used to seeing. His lifeless body was something you never thought you would have to see in your life nor did you want to but for some reason you couldn't look away.

Venetia, you and Farleigh fell to your knees, grasping onto one another, looking for comfort as tears just started coming out, the pain in your chest unlike anything you've ever experienced before. It was as if someone ripped out your heart, a huge hole right in the middle of your chest. Your ears started ringing and you felt like you were going to pass out. You suddenly felt like you weren't on this planet anymore, completely disoriented and if Farleigh and Venetia weren't grasping onto your body, you don't know how you would have dealt with this alone. You let out a loud scream, your chest convulsing from all the sobs that kept coming out of your body.

You don't know how or when you got up, left the maze and changed your clothes or when on earth did everybody gather for lunch, but there you were, sitting at the table with James, Elspeth, Venetia, Farleigh, oh and yes, of course, Oliver.

The curtains shut as the room plunged into darkness, making it look red like blood, not a hint of daylight. It somehow looked terrifying and gruesome, very unpleasant. You were sitting next to Farleigh, his face kind of emotionless as he kept staring at the table, not moving his gaze from the same spot. You reached out to him, grabbing his hand and squeezing it, making him snap out of his thoughts, a sob suddenly falling from his lips. On your left was an empty chair and an empty plate. Felix's spot and when you first walked in and saw it, you broke down again.

Suddenly there was a hint of a squeaking gurney on the outside, meaning they were passing the window with Felix's body and then there was a sound of doors closing. A tear rolled down your cheek as you closed your eyes, your hand suddenly slipping away from Farleigh's.

"Oh my God... May I be excused, please?" Farleigh whimpered and got up from the table, his cheeks stained with tears.

"No. We haven't finished lunch." James replied, not even looking at Farleigh.

"Lunch is cold. You want me just eat it like nothing is happening?"

"What else is there to do, darling?" Elspeth looked at him, sadness noticable in her eyes.

"Anything! Anything-" You looked at him as he screamed out, a whimper escaping your lips as tears started falling from your eyes again. The pain was unbearable and seeing Farleigh like that broke your heart and how everybody acted like nothing ever happened, like Farleigh was the only one who actually cared and the only one who saw how messed up it was that everybody was acting like this. James slammed his fists on the table, the plates clattering. You jumped, your body shook from fear, the sudden change in tone almost too much.

"Farleigh! Will you be quiet?! Sit down and eat the bloody pie! Just eat it! Eat it and shut up! Eat the bloody pie!"

Farleigh sat down and grabbed his fork, placing the pie in his mouth but unable to chew through the meat. Small pieces flew out of his mouth and onto the plate, a tear rolling down his cheek.

"You're not the only person here with feelings. None of us wants your bloody American feelings!" James trailed off and suddenly there was silence inside the room. You didn't even try to put anything in your mouth because you felt like you were going to throw up.

"I think it’s delicious." Oliver suddenly said, Farleigh snapping at him.

"What the fuck are you still doing here?" you look at Oliver and his expression and there was nothing on his face. Like he didn't care. You wiped away your tears and placed your hands in your lap.

"Wait, does no one else find it weird?.. No one else finds that weird?"

"Farleigh.." you whispered and placed your hand on top of his, your fingers grazing his in a comforting way.

"I wouldn’t throw stones if I was you, Farleigh." Oliver replied in a strict tone, a fork in his hand.

"Excuse me?"

"Please stop." Venetia sighed and said quietly.

"What is he saying?" James asked and looked at Oliver.

"I..I've no idea." Farleigh said, clearly confused what Oliver wanted to get with all of this.

"What I'm saying is that I'd feel guilty too."

"Guilty?"

"If I was the one racking up lines the night someone died."

"Fuck you." Farleigh stared back at him, cursing, only hate for Oliver in his body at that very moment.

"That's not a denial." Oliver replied as he leaned forward a little bit, his gaze moving between you and Farleigh.

"You took it too far, Oliver." You interrupted them, defending Farleigh.

"Is that true?" James asked, pale with fury. He looked towards Duncan signaling him to leave. "Search Farleigh's room."

"No." Farleigh crumpled into his chair and started sobbing. Now you were a little bit scared. Your eyes widened, not surely understanding what they were going to do about this situation. Seeing and hearing what was happening was making the situation even harder. You couldn't take your eyes off Farleigh and when you saw tears continuously welling up in his eyes, you couldn't help but start sobbing as well. Your heart was breaking.

"Get out." Sir James said angrily.

"Please, he didn't do anything.." You looked at Sir James, begging, trying to make him see that it really wasn't his fault and that he had nothing to do with all of this. Of course he didn't believe you, he didn't even acknowledge you.

"No, wait-" Farleigh whimpered and wiped away his tears with the sleeves of his jumper.

"What's happening?" Elspeth asked after wiping her mouth eith a linen cloth.

"Aunt Elspeth- Elspeth-" he said desperately but got interrupted by James.

"Don’t you dare look at her!"

Elspeth looked liked she was now ignoring Falreigh, not wanting to look at him at all. Could she ever look at him again after this? Who knows.

"Get out!"

Farleigh looked around the table, searching for somebody to look at him, to see they were making a mistake but no one looked at him except for you. Not even Oliver. He got up your hand slipped off, hanging next to your body. Your lip trembled at the sudden empty feeling, your head hung low as you kept staring at your fingers. Farleigh grabbed onto the chair, picking at the stitching.

"I won't mention this to the police. That's all you get. Nothing more. Ever again." James trailed off and that was the last thing you heard from him that night. Farleigh turned to the side and left the room, leaving you alone with the Cattons and Oliver. You wiped away your tears with the back of your hand.

"You didn't have to do this. It wasn't his fault." You snapped back at Oliver, his eyes quickly looking back at you. A hidden smirk adorned his face, a sinnister look in his eyes.

"You know he did it. He was racking up lines the whole night. Felix could've taken whatever Farleigh was using." Oliver replied, his plate now half empty. "Even when you two were fucking outside. It was like a freak show."

"Fuck you." You quickly got up and threw the linen clot on the table, your legs feeling like jello. "If you'll excuse me, I can't be in the room with someone who cares more about a fucking stranger than a member of this family."

You turned around on your heels and walked out of the room. The second you closed the doors, you let out the biggest sob, a long hallway making it echo throughout the house. You felt like you were falling apart from the inside out.

You stood outside Farleigh's room as you quietly knocked on the door, only a quiet sob audible. You silently opened the door and what you saw broke your heart completely. Farleigh was laying on the floor, his knees pulled towards his body, his arms wrapped around them as loud sobs fell from his lips.

You looked around his room and saw how big of a mess it was. Everything was scattered on the floor. His clothes, his books, all of his belongings on the floor. You bit your lip in hopes it would stop you from crying, but it didn't help.

You walked over to his sobbing figure and knelt down, your arms immediately wrapping around his body.

"Farleigh... baby.." you whispered, his body shaking.

"They think I killed him." He whispered through his cries, his tears soaking the carpet underneath him. "I didn't do it." His cries kept getting louder and it was harder for you to stay quiet because you couldn't stand him being like this, broken, like he didn't mean anything to anybody. Like it was all his fault. You wanted to fix everything and make it all okay for him because that's exactly what he deserved. He deserved better and to be treated right.

"No, Farleigh, you didn't do it. It's not your fault, please don't think that. You didn't kill Felix." You told him, your hands caressing his arms, comforting him, hoping it would help him even just a little bit.

"Now I feel like I did." He cried out, his face now buried in his hands.

"Hey, come here." You grabbed his arm and gently pulled him, moving his hands from his face. You intertwined your fingers with his and helped him sit up, his knees once more pulled towards his body. You wiped away his tears with your thumbs, gently caressing his cheeks before you cupped his face, making him look at you directly in your eyes.

"You didn't do it, why would you think that? Because of Oliver?" He just nooded and closed his eyes, a single tear rolling down his cheek. It felt like someone was sitting on your chest, the pressure and the pain in your heart from seeing Farleigh like this was unbearable.

"Fuck him, Farleigh. He's a nobody, a fucking leech and if I could get rid of him, I would. You're so much more than all of this. You deserve everything in this world and if they can't see it, fuck 'em." You trailed off, tears welling up in your eyes and your voice breaking every other word.

"Everybody is leaving me, pushing me away like I mean nothing." He sobbed and quickly got up as he started pacing around his room, his cries so loud that it seemed like he was fighting for air. You jumped up and stood there in place for a few seconds, somehow unable to move.

"Are you also going to leave me?" His voice cracked and right then he looked like a little kid. You dare to say that he looked absolutely defeated. "Please don't leave me."

A loud cry fell from your lips, his words hurting you, hurting how he thought that you would actually leave him after everything. You shook your head and practically ran towards him, your body smashing into his

You wrapped your arms around him tightly, your face buried in his chest as you sobbed quietly. His arms squeezed you, almost as if he was afraid if he held you lightly or if he let you go, you would somehow slip away.

"I will never leave you, Farleigh. I could never. You're a part of me and if I lose you, I'll lose myself. Please don't ever think that I would leave you." He kissed the top of your head, one hand still wrapped around your body while the other gently caressed your hair.

"Now let's get out of here. Okay?" You kissed him on the lips gently, his arms resting on your hips. You had to get out of this house, had to get away from Saltburn as soon as possible. The only good thing about all of this? Farleigh by your side.

"Okay."

[ilypaigebuckets]

hi so basically pretend this isn’t a day late!

plot: small blurb of you spending kate’s day with kate!

Happy Birthday - Kate Martin x Reader

the aces had welcomed kate into their team with open arms, and along with that they welcomed you too. you were your girlfriend’s best friend, hype woman, confidant, and her stylist. whenever she went you were there too, and vice versa. that was why when you were invited to travel with the aces to the dallas game as a special gift to kate for her birthday, you couldn’t resist. you had planned on going anyway, not wanting to miss your girlfriend’s birthday, but a free plane ticket and a spot next right next to kate on the plane was definitely a plus.

“time to wake up, birthday girl,” you whispered into your girlfriend’s ear as you placed your hand on her shoulder and lightly shook her. the blonde rolled on her back and pulled you into her chest. she attempted to bury her face in your hair, and you laughed at her antics. kate was not a morning person. while the warmth of kate’s body heat was nice and cuddles with her were always tempting, you knew kate needed to get up. you gently hoisted yourself out of the nest of warmth and comfort you called your girlfriend’s chest and stood up to your feet. you grabbed her hand and started to pull her up. “i know you’re sleepy lovey, but it’s your birthday! aren’t you excited?!”

the very sleepy form of your girlfriend got up reluctantly and pulled you in by the waist. “since it’s my birthday, i can be as clingy as i want right princess?” you couldn’t help but giggle at her, she was the sweetest.

“of course, kate!” you said as you led her into the bathroom to start getting ready for the day. kate didn’t need to do much, as she never really wore any makeup. you, however, wanted to look nice for your girlfriend’s special day. you did your makeup routine as she stood next to you with her back pressed against the wall, a dazed and sleepy smiled plastered to her face. once you were finished kate came up behind you and wrapped her arms around your waist, burying her head in your neck.

“my pretty baby,” she muffled into your neck. you smiled softly as her sweet words tickled against your skin. you loved mornings spent with her. just then, you remembered what you’d planned to give to kate to start her birthday off special. you grabbed her hand, gave a quick kiss to her knuckles, and lead her back outside the bathroom to the bed. you rummaged through your purse hanging on the door knob and pulled out an envelope.

“here,” you said as you handed it to her, “you can open your card now, and then you’ll get your gift after the game.” kate rolled her eyes at you, but smiled.

“honey you didn’t have to get me anything. having you here with me this year is more than enough. you really didn’t have to-“

you put a finger up to her lips to shush her. “just open the damn card, martin.” she nodded and started to open the envelope. her fingers worked slowly and carefully, in an effort to preserve the card and envelope for later.

the card read: HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY! 24! i can’t believe you’re such an old lady. i hope you have the best day ever my gorgeous girl, you deserve it! you’re such a light in my life and im so blessed to have met you. you’re my sunshine and you deserve the entire world. i hope you know how grateful i am for you, and everything you do. it doesn’t go unnoticed and i really hope you know how much i appreciate you. you’re my soulmate, kate. there’s no better way to put it. i was put on earth to love you. i hope i do today justice in making your birthday as special, spectacular, and lovely as you are! and i hope you’re ready to have some fun ;) :) i love you beautiful girl. you’re my whole world!

“oh my god, y/n. you’re actually adorable i’m gonna cry!” kate pulled you in swiftly to a hug. you chuckled lightly and leaned into her, your forehead resting on her chest. “there’s a lot more i could say, but i figured it’d be better if i just told you in person. but we’ll save that for tonight! now c’mon babe, you have a game to win!” you tugged your girlfriend over to her suitcase, urging her to change. you were so excited for what the day had in store, and were forever grateful you could spend your girlfriend’s special day with her.

[mine0560]

I NEED TO RANT ABOUT RAGATHA AND POMNI BECAUSE HOLLY DAMN THERE'S SO MUCH IN MY HEAD!

Ok. So. Firstly I love that first thing Ragatha did was check on Pomni and even told her she doesn't mind but actually understands that she abandoned her. AND THOSE FINGER GUNS?! SHE IS GAY AND LOVES HER GURL. DON'T EVEN TRY TO DENY IT

SECOND

Ragatha carrying about Pomni and trying to hype her up. (Would say so far Ragapom is onesided and I am all for that) Ragatha is trying her best to make conversation with that jester but also trying to help her get use to or evem enjoy this new life. OMG THAT WOMAN IS FULL OF POSITIVE ENERGY.

THIRD

Even she got stabbed, their car crashed and they could DROWNED her priority is fricking Pomni. Yes she ask everyone how they are, but imidiately switch to :"Poor Pomni" EVEN JAX POINTED THAT OUT! LIKE GIRL. YPU ARE ALMOST DYING BUT STILL CARRING ABOUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND.

FORTH

When they catches those bandits, who is asking where her girl is? RAGATHA. She is so worry about that jester and where she dissapeared.

FIFTH

SHE IS DOUBING THAT POMNI EVEN LIKES HER. SHE IS WORRY THAT POMNI DISLIKES OR EVEN HATES HER. Like....She likes ther that much, that she is worry about that she doesn't like her. AAAAAA THEY WILL MAKE ME CRY

SIXTH

After they Pomni with Gummigoo crashed into them she IMIDIATELY RUNS AFTER HER TO ASK HER IF SHE'S OK AND WHERE SHE WAS. LIKE AAAAAA. SHE IS SO WORRY ABOUT HER I WILL DIE.

And lastly I FRICKING LOVE HOW POMNI FINALLY GETS THAT THOSE PEOPLE CARES ABOUT HER AND WON'T FORGET HER. I NEED MORE. I AM TOO EXCITED FOR ANOTHER EPISODES AND NEEDS MORE INTERACTIONS BETWEEN RAGATHA AND POMNI

Oh bonus. I hate Jax even more. I knew he will be an asshole but this much? DAMN

(Well my angst comic is doomed because Ragatha was interacting with that proncess like for a minute of that whole 25 minutes episode. Can work again)

OVERALL I LOVE THAT EPISODE. Since in my country it was premiere at like midnight I can't sleep now.

It's 2 fricking am and I needed to get those feelings out of me because everyone are sleeping

[paisleypens]

teee heeee i’m backkkkkk

could we get where reader is also a streamer and they start streaming together (reader isn’t in cali) and they start a long distance maybe they meet at the end that’s up to you

spencers first minecraft date! | spencer agnew x reader

so so sorry i was gone for so long lmao the motivation was just not there. sorry this specific request took so long my love but im here to feed my smosh babes. also is the title giving a games title or? idk but i think i cooked lemme know

~~~

You adjusted your webcam and glanced at the chat as you booted up Minecraft. Today was the day you’d been waiting for—the launch of a new Minecraft server for twitch streamers. You'd been buzzing with excitement since the invite landed in your inbox a week ago, and your viewers seemed just as hyped.

“Hey, everyone!” you greeted as your screen transitioned to the familiar blocky landscape. “We’re jumping into this new Minecraft server today with a bunch of other streamers. I’m so pumped to meet everyone and see what chaos we can create!”

As you navigated through the spawn area, you noticed a few players running around��some of them big names you recognized from streams and videos. But one name stood out: Spencer Agnew. You’d known Smosh and even caught a few of his streams before and always appreciated his chill vibe and sharp humor.

“Yo, Y/N!” Spencer’s voice came through your headset, catching you off guard but making you smile.

“Hey, Spencer! Didn’t expect to run into you so soon,” you replied, trying to play it cool.

“Well, here I am. I don’t really want to do the boring stuff alone, you down to team up?”

“Let’s do it,” you said, grinning.

You both went off starting with the basics—mining, gathering resources, and exploring the terrain. Time seemed to fly by as you bantered back and forth, and your chat was loving the dynamic.

“So, I’m thinking we need to build something epic. How about a house-building contest?” you suggested after a while.

“Oh, it’s like that, huh? Alright, Y/N, you’re on. But don’t cry when I win,” Spencer joked.

“Yeah, yeah, we’ll see,” you shot back, laughing.

The competition was fun and lighthearted, with both of you trying to one-up each other while the chat egged you on. In the end, it was too close to call.

“Alright, I’ll admit it,” Spencer said, surveying both builds. “This is a draw. They’re both sick.”

“I’ll take it,” you said, smiling. “Good game, Spencer.”

As weeks passed, you and Spencer found yourselves teaming up more and more, both on and off stream. Your viewers started to notice too, spamming your chat with ship names and yours feeds with fan art. You two clicked, and it made for some really fun content.

One weekend, after a particularly successful stream, Spencer shot you a message: “Hey, after the stream, you wanna do something chill? Maybe watch a movie together?"

You blinked at the screen, feeling a flutter of excitement. “Like a virtual date? I’m in. What are we watching?"

“How about 'The Princess Bride'? Total classic."

"I’m so down. Let’s do it."

After the stream, you both synced up on a streaming service and hit play. As the movie went on, you kept up with your usual banter and jokes, making each other laugh. It felt natural, almost like you were in the same room.

“I can’t believe you’ve never seen this before,” Spencer teased as the credits rolled.

“I know, I know, I’m late to the party. But thanks for inviting me to watch it with you,” you replied, feeling warm and fuzzy inside.

“Anytime. This was fun. We should do it again,” he said, and you could hear the smile in his voice.

From then on, these virtual hangouts became a regular thing. Whether it was watching movies, playing other games, or just chatting while you both cooked dinner over video call, it became something you both looked forward to.

One night, after you’d finished a particularly epic stream where you and Spencer had defeated the Ender Dragon, you found yourselves lingering in the game, just chatting while your avatars stood idly by a pixelated sunset.

“Hey, Y/N,” Spencer said, his voice softer, more serious than usual.

“Yeah?” you asked, wondering what was on his mind.

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately. These past few weeks have been awesome. Like, seriously awesome. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you better,” he admitted.

You felt a flutter in your chest. “I’ve been feeling the same way, Spencer. It’s been so much fun hanging out with you.”

He paused for a moment, and you could almost feel him gathering his thoughts. “I think… I’ve caught feelings for you. I know we’re miles apart, but I wanted to be honest about it.”

You were quiet for a moment, letting his words sink in before a smile broke out across your face. “Spencer, I feel the same way. I don’t know how we’re going to make it work with the distance, but I’m in if you are.”

The relief in his voice was palpable. “I’m definitely in. We’ll figure it out, whatever that means.”

[itsbackwoodsbby]

A/N:y'all i'm seriously not a haechan girl. but i wrote this for my friend @becauseimswagman1 (i am always writing for this whore lol, i love her tho.) a while back and i decided to share it with y'all.

Birthday Sex

Haechan x Black Fem Reader

Warning: Smut! Drinking (maybe i drink too much)! Unprotected Sex! Swearing (i love cussing sorry)

Summary: It’s your birthday bitchhh!!! Happy Birthday! In this, you will see how Hyuck celebrate your birthday.

hyuck never was one for public outings. he rather be lowkey and stay inside. but tonight was different. it was your birthday. and after you told him you’ve never celebrated your birthday, he wanted to change that.

you two order food and wait for it to be served to you. hyuck does nothing the whole time but hype your head, making you smile. when the food comes, you take a picture on snapchat, with the caption, “birthday dinner date with babe! #22FINALLY” you post and you guys eat the food.

haechan and you just talk and eat. the normal couple stuff about the future: marriage and kids. ideally, hyuck wants to start a music group of his own, but he said he’ll settle for two or three kids, which is perfect for you. as for marriage, it’s no secret that hyuck wants to marry you right now, on the spot. but he’s waiting for his baby girl to be ready.

after you guys eat, you go out dancing and drinking. you just turned twenty-one, so why the hell not. a few drinks in, you two went from simple dancing to sensual and seductive dancing. he’s touching all over your body as you're grinding on him. everyone is looking at you two, but y’all don’t give a damn. y’all are having fun. hyuck starts kissing on your neck and smacking your ass. your body temperature was rising as you want more than just to feel his touch. you wanted to feel him inside you right now, and you can tell he wanted the same because you could feel him starting to have an erection. that turned you on even more. 

hyuck starts lowering down your body  and when he reaches your shorts, he realized they’re a little wet. he bites his lips and whispers in your ear, “you soaking through your shorts… why are you soaking this much baby?” then he processes to suck on your neck making marks. “hyuck… can we please leave?” you moan very low. 

he smiles and takes you to his house, where there are rose petals leading to the his bedroom. inside his room, is even more rose petals and champagne on ice and chocolate covered strawberries and whipped cream, which was your favorite. the bed has rose petals in a heart shape. you tear up. no one has ever done something special for you on your birthday. hyuck holds you and kisses you forehead. 

“thank you! i love you, hyuck” you say, trying not to cry. “ugh, you going to make me ruin my makeup.” he smirks, “i am going to ruin your makeup later anyways don’t worry.” 

he lays you down on the bed and attacks your neck with kisses, and switches between kissing and sucking. when he starts lowering down your body, he strips both of you down and instantly starts eating you out. eating you as if he hasn’t ate in days. you grabbing the sheets, trying not to climax fast, but tonight his tongue is working new miracles. he adds two fingers in and starts pumping inside of you really fast.

“hyuck… slow down, please baby. it’s too much.” you say whimpering, but you knew hyuck wasn’t going to slow down. 

a few more pumps, you’re coming on his face. he smiles and lick your mess up. he comes up to you and kisses you with tongue, making you taste how sweet you are. he goes back down and smiles. he flips you over and aims his dick at your entrance. “wait, no condom?” you ask him, while looking back at him. “not tonight.” he smirks. “i want you to feel every inch of me.” he says.

he smacks your ass, making you yelp then, he rams inside you, giving you no time to adjust to him. he starts pulling your hair as he processed to go faster. “hyuck, oh my god, fuck!” you say as he shoves more of his dick inside you. he just slyishly smiles at you, “that’s right, take this dick for me. i know you can, you little slut.”

at this point, you can do nothing but whimper and cry. your makeup is all on the pillow and smeared on your face. hyuck has never been a gentle man when it comes to sex, but he’s never been this rough either. he’s damn near going crazy, loves the fact that he breaking you. 

you start running from his dick a little, he pulls you back, “nah baby girl, don’t run. i promise. you’ll regret.” you catch yourself fully running away from hyuck. he pulls  you back but he lets slide. but you know you can’t make another mistake or it’s over for you.

but silly you makes another mistake. you were on the verge of climaxing. the more he hit (more like abused) your spot, the more you clench around his dick. “you better hold that shit baby girl. you don’t, it going to be much fucking worse than this.” he says before pounding even more aggressively into, making you disobey him, and cumming all on his dick.

he pulls out and smirks, “who told you to cum?” he smacks your ass very hard. “i know i damn sure didn’t.” you start begging for his forgivness, “hyuck, please, i am sorry. i didn’t mean to.”

but hyuck is stubborn and he doesn’t forgive you so simply. he flips you on your back and rams back inside you, repeating the same process of when he had your ass in the air. this time, however, it’s different. he breaking you down even more this time, which his dick and his eyes. his hand has better access to your clit, and he’s rubbing it, making it more senstive than it already was from your second climax. with the other hand he was choking, which was driving you mad crazy.

you’re on the verge of your third climax of the night and your legs starts shaking uncontrollably. hyuck notices, and smirks, “you want to cum baby girl.” you choking on your pleasure tears, so you just shake your head yes. he laughs a bit, “words baby girl, words.” he says smacking your boobs. you stop choking on your tears, but words can’t come out your mouth. he laughs cockily, “well, until you find words, this pussy about to be destroyed.” 

he starts pounding inside you even more aggressive than last time. it somehow brung words back to you, “fuck! fuck! fuck! hyuck, i want to cum for you daddy. please, please, please let me cum for you.” you cry, warm tears run down your face. he smiles at you, “that’s my good girl, cum for daddy.” he says. 

you cum on his dick one last time for the night (or so you think). hyuck’s strokes starts getting slower and sloppier. then, he pulls out and cums on your stomach. he looks down at you and laughs. “did i break my princess?” you look at hyuck and cover your face in embarrassment. he chuckles and moves your hands and kisses all over your face. “don’t be embarrassed, baby. you look sexy whimper and breaking over me.” 

you smile and kiss him. you two kiss for a while and then he goes and grabs a towel to clean his mess of your stomach. though, when he comes back, most of it is already gone. he looks at you and you giggle, “i didn’t want to waste my food.” he smirks and cleans you up. 

he lays in the bed with you. you thank him for making your twenty second birthday a night to remember and the two of you end the night drinking champagne, feeding each other strawberries, and eventually, you guys fuck the night away.

[pycth]

EA SPOILERS ‼️

DAMIEN AND HUXLEY, MY BELOVEDS, OH HOW I’VE MISSED YOU

In full honesty I’ve never seen a miscommunication trope handled so well, I loved this 🥹

The way you can just imagine Huxley’s smile twitch when Damien says he doesn’t really care for Valentines Day then slowly fall when he kept going on—

I’m not entirely surprised about Damien’s disinterest in the holiday, I kinda had a feeling, I just thought the video was gonna be something along the lines of him simply putting that feeling aside for Huxley the big lover boy and maybe surprise him with some flowers while Hux gets all giddy like school girl who found a secret admirer note in her locker akdjakdsk (woe is my wishful thinking)

That subtle fast walk to the front door I just know Hux was doing while internally preparing himself for what he felt was the embarrassment of going overboard 😭

When Huxley cries, I cry.

Every time a character I love says they’re too much for feeling things so strongly, I am set on yet another hunting spree for the fuckers that made them think that nonsense

I said this on discord and I’ll say it again (ykyk)—

Just think of how excited Huxley must’ve looked setting up all the decorations the night before, probably had music to hype himself up, even sending photos of it all finished to Freelancer or even FaceTiming them to see what they think

Damien comforting Huxley for a change was so sweet, he was definitely holding Huxley’s face to make sure he was looking right at him and knew he meant what he was saying wholeheartedly

“You are a person that is overflowing with love to give, and that is not too much, that is fucking beautiful. And..the world is not a place that’s very kind to beautiful things like that. So..the fact that you are still who you are after all that is not something to apologize for.”

What if that was my limit, Erik—

They 100% still have that bear lmaooo

“You’re the only teddy bear I need” CRYYINNGG

Visualize with me, everyone, a decoration tangled Lasko trying to frantically find somewhere to hide said bear. Beautiful.

Bonus: HUXLEY WITH A JEEP CANON ‼️

[sweetieviktor]

"take me back to the night we met", feat. viktor.

summary: you knew he was dieing, but seeing him using shimmer was too much to bare . based on the song "the night we met", by lord huron.

word count: 720.

content warning: season 1, act 3 spoilers! idk if shimmer use count as a cw, but anyways this is angst and it doesn't have a happy ending!

author notes: there's so much time since i've written fanfiction!! but i loved doind this one and i swear that i cried while writing this. and this may be very ooc and doesn't match the scenes in season 1, act 3, but i dont have time to watch it again now and i was so hyped up bcs of season 2 that i just had to write something, yk? also, there may be some typos or grammar errors even though i re-read this like 3 times i think lol. but yeah, here it is!

you came back to his lab expecting to see him doing good, maybe working on his research, too focused on any stuff he was doing at the moment and not noticing you by the door, but he wasn't in there, or so it looked like.

he was hunched over his desk, in his hands was a glass tube, the remaining of the purple liquid shimmering in the dark room, illuminating just enough to draw his weak silhouette amongst the shadows.

“viktor…?” was everything you said while getting closer to him, walking with slow steps, trying to make no sounds to alarm him.

“stop.” raising a hand, that was all he said.

just as you were told, you stopped on your tracks, observing that, his once perfect hand, was now painted in a shade of purple, the same that was inside the glass recipient.

it can't be. right?

“what you did to yourself?”

“i did what needed to be done.” he was so baretoned, you didn't understand why he seemed so rude, so crude, so… unlike him.

when his words settled in, it felt like your stomach was turning, wrapping itself around your guts, making you sick. you felt sick, for him.

“please, please, viktor, don't tell me that you're using sh-” “yes.”

of course you knew about his condition, of course you knew he wasn't doing good at all, and mostly, you knew that things were meant to end, one way or another. but you didn't think he would kill himself like this.

and this was all you needed to break.

“why you didn't told me? i could have helped you, we could find a way to work through it,” the tears started to prick on your eyes, your voice breaking, the anger at yourself pooling into your core. “you wouldn't need to use shimmer, vik...”

the feeling that the universe stole and took all that once mattered to you was what drove you insane. the feeling that you could make things different, make things better, the oh so simple solution that you could find, if only he had told you.

“it’s not that easy! you wouldn't understand if i told you sooner. no one would understand it, even if they tried really hard to.” he turned his head towards your direction, looking at your face for a brief second, before turning his gaze back to the ground, his purple irises trying to focus on something that wasn't your saddened face, now, feeling his own eyes burning, burning even more than the blood running in his veins. “we are in piltover, the city of progress, and yet, i am stuck behind, and i'm dieing. so, i needed to do something, and i did.”

“what you don’t understand is that you're destroying yourself, viktor. destroying yourself so slowly that it almost feels like torture. i fear that i wouldn't be able to see you for another day.” you sobbed, the tears rolling down and he didn't dare to look at your eyes again, he knew that you were crying. he knew it and he couldn't bear the thought that he was the one that made you cry. “if there is a god somewhere, i wish they could turn back time and take me back to the night we met. maybe things could be different, right?”

looking at him, a weak, nervous smile was all you could get out while crying, thinking to yourself when things started to get this wrong and how you let it happen, without even realizing what was wrong. how could you let him do this to himself?

your body was shaking, it felt like the whole world was trembling. the nonstoping thoughts hammering your head, your heart a mile per minute, the air in your lungs wasn't enough. everything, everything seemed like it was crushing down on you, right in this moment.

“i'm sorry. i'm so sorry... i need to go. now.”

you needed to get out of here, you needed to breathe.

you headed back to the door, wishing that some cold breeze would cool you down, would just stop your mind and racing heart. wishing for him to be fine again. praying for any and all gods that lived in the skies and beyond, praying for him to be alive. just for a bit more.

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

Hi Josi 😊 For the Top 5 BL: Best Hug and / or Most Beloved Sidecouples ✨

Uuhhhh, two in one! Maxine, thank you for this ask ❤

I love a good hug. Seeing those feels like I get a hug (and sometimes it makes me feel really single). There are the hugs that you can feel through your screen, some of them you just want to look away, because this moment belongs only to the couple on screen, they are just so intimate and there are so ones where one wants to crawl into the other one and I am here for this kind of hug. This desperate need for each others closeness.

The start makes the oldest one on this list:

My School President

Their hugs just felt so good! I loved giffing those moments. They needed the other one physical close, they felt peace in those hugs and it was their way to show how much they cared for each other. I loved every single one of those hugs!

I just realised the next ones are all just some really desperate hugs... and I love them! I have a thing for them...

Kiseki: Dear To Me

This hug felt so good. Finally they were reunited again. Finally they could hold each other again. And damn this was such a beautiful hug! They hugged with their whole body and soul. Imagine holding the love of your life finally in your arms again after years of spending apart. I love it!

Tokyo In April Is...

There is no space for anything else between them. Kazuma made sure of that. He neeeded Ren to feel this hug, and for himself to feel this closeness again. Both are in love with each other, even though they couldn't tell each other yet, but for us viewers it was cristal clear. This hug alone made it clear for us. I love this hug so much!

Pit Babe

Yes Babe, cry because you're so happy to have Charlie back in your arms! Beautiful. I needed this, he needed this and Charlie needed this too! We all needed this! And I love Pavel's facial expressions in this moment.

I Feel You Linger I The Air

The most desperate hug after the most saddest fuck this year! Such a beautiful scene! They knew they didn't have much time left and just made love. They wanted and needed to feel every inch of each other, and it felt so intimate, I had the urge to look away and let them have this time alone in closeness and happiness and desperation.

And now after these beautiful scenes we go on to my favorite side couples 2023. I love a good side couple I can concentrate on and forget about the main couple 😅

The first couple is one of the most precious ones of this year. We knew them and we knew they had incredibly chemistry and could act really nice, but nevertheless they blew us away:

Heart and LiMing from Moonlight Chicken

Their story was so wholesome and important. Their journey was so good. LiMing's struggles with his mum and his uncle, the money and the fact that he wanted to see the world were so ordinary and felt so real it was so good. And Heart's problems with his parents and the urge to be more independent and to be seen felt so sad and Gemini was so good. Oh I love these two and their stories!

Next we have a show I didn't like that much, but I was in love with the side couple. They were the only reason why I kept up with this show.

Zeke and Fifth from My Story

They had an extreme intense chemistry. I loved them on screen and their journey to finally become a couple. I was hyped for their own show and was so let down. I couldn't watch it. It was too much cringe for me, but this is just personal preference. In My Story I adored them and this scene especially.

Next is the couple, that has the most entries in all of my Top 5s this year:

AiDi and ChenYi from Kiseki: Dear To Me

I love them. They stole the show and my heart. Their dynamic is so adorable after they finally become a thing. In the beginning I was a little put off. I didn't understand their relationship, but within a few episodes this changed I was rooting for them so much! I was so happy when ChenYi finally understood his feelings for AiDi and AiDi finally got what he wanted desperatley for years!

I don't know if the next one counts... The show has three couples and I guess one was the main couple. Well, I cared more about the other ones.

Love Class 2

Maru and Minwoo had the softest kiss this year in my opinion and Sungmin and Joohyuk had this lap-situation and everything else that came after. I really enjoyed their stories and their characters. The main couple was just not that interesting for me. But because of the side couples (or the other main couples) I enjoyed this series so much!

I close this list with a couple, that is a little bit problematic for me. I don't like the series that much, mostly because of the main couple and the bad writing for them. But the writing for this side couple was so much worse!

Jaab and Jane from Step By Step

I was so pissed with their ending! What was that? There was no real conclusion and I still don't know if they are happy together now. They had this huge cheating plot (and I like those tropes, but only with a good solution in the end) and before they could work on that Jane was never seen again. This was so sturpid, I was so angry. I wanted them to have their own stupid happily ever after, but no, we have some creepy stalker like behavior and some mystery... no thank you, but besides that I liked them so much and I wanted so much more of them!

Ask me Top 5 BL Anything from 2023

[roblogging]

you can ignore this if you want but i cant remember the word for trans med but the term for needing to have GD to be trans. i cant remember it and ive never thought about it much until now but i think the fandom has an issue with idealising the wrong trans people

GD is a needed part of being trans and without that diagnosis then someone isnt trans and you have been on testosterone since july you said and nothing has changed so my question is do you have that GD diagnosis? with no changes and with looking fem because im worried people are getting scammed especially when top surgery is '11k' and you are in england and have nhs and this isnt meant as hate i am just wary of the fact this fandom has a lot of big trans creators and you could be joining on that hype to use the money for school or something

i cant remember the term but a lot of people say GD is needed to be trans and i dont think an actual trans with GD would look as girly as you do most days

WELL if i didn't have gender dysphoria before,,,, i definitely do now 😭😭 good morning to you too? bloody hell 😭 it's 6:40am man 😭

unfortunately !! i cannot ignore this 😭 so just a few notes:

1) you can infact be trans and defy gender norms ! it's actually like,,, the whole point for me i fear. it is infact possible to be a man and wear makeup or look "girly" (bloody hell 😭😭)

2) you can't get regulated trans healthcare in the UK without a gender dysphoria diagnosis,,,

3) ,,,, no changes what if i SOBBED bloody hell okay. this could be because i started hrt july 2023? like. well over a year ago. and thus the significant changes have already occured,,, or. i thought so 😭😭😭 (bloody hell x4)

4) i still have EIGHT years on the nhs waitlist. and i've been on it since 2021,,,, so like. yeah. top surgery is free with the nhs,,, if you wait that long. and like,,, don't top yourself in the meantime. private healthcare is expensive idk take it up with the government or smth.

5) "using that hype" ,,, i cannot remember the last time i went more than two days without a transphobic comment or dm from people IN this fandom 😭 or the last time i went a full day without watching someone profit jkr without a care in the world 😭 or cry over sirius in makeup 😭 i assure you, this fandom is not very ally a good 70% of the time and actually makes my existence in this space v difficult 😭 (evidently oh my)

6) GIRLY 😖😖😖

,,,, anyway. good morning guys. lovely weather init (bloody hell)

[yuniniverse]

OH MY GODDDDD YOUR ACCOUNT IS THE BEST TBH ugh i am so lucky i wanna gate keep like girl you are too good to be trueeee i have been reading for a while and now i wanna make a lil request it goes smth like this we all know minjae hates being called short what if he finds a friend that hypes him up and tells him they are the same and stuff like that and they are friends from the same training program and she was under sm like him back then and stuff like that idk sorry if i bothered but really girl i love like I LOVE YOUR WRITING SOOOOO MUCHHHH 🩷🩷🩷

PAIRING !  ━ idol!minjae x idol!reader

GENRE !  ━ Friends to strangers(?) To lovers, fluff, seems rushed I'm so sorry TvT, slight angst

WORD COUNT !  ━ 2445 words

AUTHOR NOTE ! ━ I kid you not when I saw this I nearly cried because of how sweet you are :( I'm so sorry for the delay love uni is shit esp with all my sem end exams but thank God I have a few days off so I can work back on requests~ I hope you like it <3

SONG RECCS ! ━ Stardust Lovesong by Jihyo, Whispers of Love by Lim Hayoung

dm to be in my taglist!!

The speakers blared through the studio while minjae sat in one corner, his head turned to face the computer that lit the dim room and played their debut song, spacing out completely, draining out the noise to muffled sound of the song as his mind thinks of a hundred things, things that made him feel not so great, mad even.

Recalling memories of how excited he was a week back, jumping around like a kangaroo as his members gave him a playful questioning look as they all looked at their first ever concert costumes. Everyone was busy talking about it, the maknaes calling junghoon to brag about how excited they were and showed off a few steps as spoilers for the concert as they huddled together and screamed at junghoon who just wanted to sleep if it weren't for seeun spamming his phone and disrupting his peaceful slumber.

The entire way from KQ to their venue Minjae was the happiest and didn't even try to hide it, he dragged his members around to make tiktoks that he could post later and even dragged yujun around forcing the poor boy, who just wanted to eat in peace,the venue which seemed so pretty to him. But it all dimmed when he saw all the members get compliments while he just got taunted for his height, he loved roadys and sure they were just joking around, but he can't help but feel hurt.

"MINJAE!" He snaps out of trance, jumping on his feet as he hears you scream his name, "you spaced out for a while, you ok?" You asked. Minjae smiled, he knew if anyone only you would understand his struggles, both of you were the leaders of your group and have been training together, transferring from sm to kq and helping each other with debuting. He shook his head and stood up, making his way to you as he put on a forced smile. You on the other hand knew something was going on, your worries only grew when you saw a tear slip from his eye, which he immidiately wiped off, looking away in order to avoid your upcoming lecture. You only hugged him to which he responded back by hugging you, his embrace grew tighter as he did his best to hold back tears but let go as soon as he felt your hand rub circles on his back, his mother would always rub circles on his back whenever he was down or was afraid he wouldn't debut and you stood there watching with a smile, this gesture made him realise he was homesick too but couldn't go back home yet. He couldn't help but cry onto your shoulder to which you could only console him by back rubs. "Sorry" he mumbled as he snuggled and wiped away his tears, backing away from the hug. Confused, you ask why and he says "You're leaving next week for your groups tour and promotions, the last thing you'd want to see is me crying" he says as he looks at you with glistened eyes, you insisted it was fine, he was your friend, someone who you loved even but was too shy to tell him, to see him breakdown shattered you. You held his hand, taking him to the nearest convenience store and bought him ramen, helping him sneak the packets into his dorm before junmin catches him and lectures the two of you how it's bad for your health. It was only after you heard minjae giggle for the first time in that day did you leave him alone, dropping him to his dorm and running back to yours.

You felt happy that you helped him, even happier when you heard his giggles. You wished you could hug him for hours and tell him how much you loved him and how proud you were of him for being so strong when situations weren't siding with him. However all the happiness you had was drained when you saw your members running around the form, packing their stuff, You asked your manager what was going on and your manager said how your group had to leave the first thing tomorrow morning as your schedules got leaked and your company couldn't risk in any of your groupmates or you to be hurt as a similar incident took place earlier when your group first debuted and it resulted to your you get members getting hurt the most and having to skip one or two schedules because of the injuries they had gotten. You nod, following your members to your room as you rush to pack your things. It was when you were done is when you realised you didn't tell minjae. Especially since it would be a month or so till you came back to Korea from tour and individual schedules.

You text him but ofcourse it was way past midnight at the time and with how junmin behaved more motherly to minjae than minjaes own mother, you thought probably he was asleep. Your assumption turning out to be true as you checked your phone in the morning again, before you left you checked one last time only to your dismay as the message left as unread.

It was only after your plane took off and you were allowed to turn on your phone after the plane was in cruising altitude did you see your phone blowing up with messages, you smile at minjaes dramatic messages but also felt slight sadness as you two couldn't say your goodbyes properly.

Minjae, although his texts being way over dramatic, was sad as well. He wanted to be there for you as well. His heart warmed up when you hugged him, the tip of his ears reddening as he remembers the sweet words you said as you rubbed his back. It wasn't the fact that he was homesick or that he was down at roadys remarks about him, he cried the most when he realised he was in your arms. You were his weakness, his everything. He always adored how you would care to everyone's needs, in his eyes you were the perfect leader. His heart melting at how you'd always comfort your members, be it hugging them or calling up their family and making their favourite dishes even if it was your first time just to see your members cherry selves. How you'd always be so soft and considerate with your fans. He saw everything from afar, he saw you grown in his eyes. The first time you came to sm, it was after he had been a trainee for a year. Your eyes shining as you saw your seniors practice, the way you jumped when you got your routines correct, to how you cried and laughed in his arms after your debut. He held every moment he spent with you close to his heart.

So it's safe to say how it would always be like he was missing a part of him whenever you went for tours or just away from him in general. His feelings for you growing more and more day after day, he felt like he was falling in love with you all over again whenever he saw you smile or heard your laughs.

You on the other hand was questioning life, mostly the youngest and the oldest. You caught them eating ice creams peacefully as they watched the other two other maknaes run around, the rest of the members joined in, throwing pillows around the hotel room and causing chaos, at midnight. You slapped your head on your forehead, picking up the fallen pillows, your face defeated at the room being such a mess. You glared at the oldest who was deemed to be the "mother of the group" just standing there trying to stifle her laugh. You threw a pillow at one of your members when they laughed at you, causing another round of pillow fight. All of your hair and clothes being disheveled as laughter echoed throughout the room. It was only when your manager walked in did you guys stop. There was a moment of silence, all knowing they were gonna get their ice cream privileges away again, after all your company was famous for weird bans. You stood up and bowed, your hand swinging around motioning your members to scatter off to their rooms, to which all of them did with giggles. Your manager stood there defeated. Handling ten girls was way worse than babysitting any child. He only sighed, knowing your stylists are gonna be mortified at the condition of your hair being all over the place and trying to fix all ten of you girls.

After what seemed like eternity, you were at the airport back again, waiting for your flight back to Korea. You couldn't help but excitedly text minjae everything that happened, the past month was amazing for both you and your members. Everything seemed too perfect, from how you had fun in stages to late night screaming coming from rooms because you guys wanted to play some games but resulted to cheating and some biting.

It was all too perfect to be too true. You should've seen this come to a stop as you landed back to Korea. Your laughs were interrupted by your manager running to you, telling you guys to hold to each other close as the schedules were leaked again and the entire airport was packed with reporters and fans. You could see your members getting worried. You did as you were told, you trailed behind, holding onto one of the members hand as you tried your best to shield all of them from the mobbing. All your efforts going to vain as stepping outside the airport led to more crowd, your eyes teared up at the sight of your members being pushed down, some having their yanked, you were too scared, trying your best to get out of the situation and keeping your head low, holding onto your members hands tightly. Although you girls managed to get inside the bus, seeing how some cried because of how they were hurt both physically and mentally, some "fans" even cursing at them in the airport. You felt helpless. It was as if the perfect life came to an abrupt stop. You put on a smile for them, trying to cheer them up. Ofcourse your mind was clouded with several things as well. With how people always called you a "cheap copy" of your seniors, your members labelled with even worse names.

You sighed, plopping down on the sofa with your bag, your eyes followed your silent members walk to their rooms and settle down quietly. The silence was too much, especially for a group that always had their staffs running with a baseball bat thinking someone broke in because of how much they screamed. You missed it. They would get better, you knew that, but the fact that you couldn't protect your group made you feel like the worse leader possible. You wanted to let it out, but you couldn't. You felt you were being too dramatic.

But the entire form remained silent, only slight glances were made to your manager who visited to keep track of the girls who were injured. You were scratched too, but you were too caught up to notice. You stand up, telling your manager that you'd be going for a walk, giving a small smile to the girls as a way of saying your ok just that you needed some fresh air to clear your head.

You didn't even notice you weren't speaking to minjae as you two did. You felt guilty for it all. The fear of loosing everyone you loved just because you were 'confused' was too overwhelming. Before you knew it, tears rolled down your cheeks to your chin. You sobbed silently as each step you took seemed heavier than the other. The fact that you thought you were drifting away from minjae made you feel as if your entire world was crumbling down.

Fortunate to you, it started pouring, your tears were disguised as raindrops on your face. "Y/n?" You stopped walking, you could hear your heart beating as you recognised the voice. You couldn't turn around, not when you look like a mess.

Minjae walked up to you, his smile grew wider as he recognised the back of your head, his smile immediately dropped as he saw your glistening eyes, you kept insisting it was the rain but minjae could see right through you. You eventually gave in, you rant out to him, feeling so hopeless, you were supposed to be his comfort and yet here you were having a breakdown yourself. He steps forward to hug you, letting go of the umbrella as he held you so softly, him pushing you lightly towards the streetlight as your back rested against the pole, patting your head as he rests his chin above your head, muttering a bunch of 'its ok' as you first his shirt in your hands and sob into his chest. Only when you calmed down did he break the hug, his hands on your shoulders as he stared at you. His eyes flickering to your lips, his heart racing at how you were pouting, your face best red from all the crying and staying so close to him. He inches his face towards you, his eyes still staring into yours. His hands cup your cheek as he whispers 'may i?' to which you close the gap instead, you feel him smiling against your lips as he kisses you soft and slow, his one hand going to your waist and pulling you closer. Minjae breaks the kiss, smiling as he lays another kiss at the tip of your nose. "You are the best leader I've ever known, don't ever doubt yourself ever again because you are truly one of the best people I've ever met" he says as he kisses the top of your head.

"I wish we were together in all our lives and in all the universes" you say as you held his hand while walking, smiling at how red minjae had gotten hearing your words, he looks at you, kissing the back of your hand that is still intertwined with his, still maintaining eye contact with you

"I know we are lovers in every universe and in every life time" he says, you clear your throat in an attempt to calm your rapidly beating heart. He laughs at you and pulls you with your hand to steal another kiss from you, mumbling 'cute' in between the kisses.

[gnashingwailing]

@fireflywritesgt LOVINGLY WRITING MY UNHINGED CH23 THOUGHTS AND THEN BURYING THEM UNDER A READMORE. I felt such overwhelming hype when I saw we got 2 chapters in 1 day I truly was ready to throw my phone out the fucking window. TOO MUCH JOY FOR ONE LITTLE GNASH... I hadn't even finished processing ch21......

first off pov Joe when he goes to Calloway's to pick up his cute new tailored fit in 3 days

soooo right from the jump. hey.

"“…’cause he’s way better off than I am, it’ll make it harder for me to leave him or something. That he’s luring me in. I mean—” Joe laughed nervously as he steeled himself in preparation for how the captain would react to his next statement “—if it were a giant treating me the way he treats me, everyone would call me a pet.”

“Well of course they would, Joe. That’s because giants are evil.” The captain said matter-of-factly.

He may as well have poked Joe squarely in the eye. Nonetheless, the bartender continued."

hey. UM. Joe you beautiful idiot who canonically has bad luck and, presumably from reading this very chapter, a terrible poker face. Maybe you should have said. Any Other Thing? GODDD in my heart he's definitely sooo overconfident and drunk like wow I am so smooth :) nobody suspects a thing :) while Calloway is having a conversation with him like uh... just saying, but you know, none of us could stop you from. for example. idk. becoming a giant's pet. we wouldn't like that but it's just a random thing that came to mind just now, unrelated to the really tall really wealthy really powerful guy who is afraid of taking advantage of you by luring you in and giving you things like a giant would and maybe isn't treating you like a person. And you're afraid you shouldn't want it. Like BRO IT IS SO OVER FOR YOU even without Harry literally calling Joe's name 3+ times in the dead silence 😭😭😭😭 And presumably Harry having been waiting around there for a while to see Joe! Loitering in a way we know tinies are on guard about since they all noticed that snatcher back in Ch13!

They're idiots ur honor, so true, but it's all worth it to see Joe get rescued and swoon like a damsel ... I definitely wonder if Calloway observed any of that, and what he might think about it if so. >:) May or may not have been daydreaming and writing bits about how horrifying it would be to give your surrogate kid all this well-meaning advice, see him nearly slip to his death, and while you're hurrying down to try and help him, watching him call out to a walking nightmare for help and then get whisked away by it

I have a pet theory that everything we've seen from Calloway so far has been pretty heavily colored by it being from Joe's perspective when he's having a bad day, and maybe he will be more understanding than we think? Objectively, I didn't think he was being very rude or anything back in Ch 13, when he was speculating on Joe's love life. It rankled Joe, which is understandable, but he 1) he's happy that Joe looks good, 2) he doesn't let Gutters or O'Grady rag on Joe too hard and 3) he just generally seems like an interested father figure would about his kid's love life:

"“Oh, lay off him, Tim. It’s a good borrowing year!” Captain Calloway cut in. “We all have ‘em, we all enjoy ‘em, we all cry ourselves to sleep when they’re over.”

Relief washed over Joe like the warm water in Harry’s sink.

“Though I gotta say…” The captain gave a wry smile as he continued. “…it could just as easily be someone else’s good borrowing year if ya’ catch my drift. Could be he’s got a little sweetheart looking after him. A brick of pure chocolate? That’s practically a dowry."”

Although I may be wrong here, since Ch 21's incident at Tiny Town with the Italian mob that saved him gives us the insight that "[for] the first time in Joe’s entire existence at that, Joe understood what it was like to have a real father." So maybe Calloway is not that nurturing to Joe and not much of a caring dad -- as @remordsposthume's tags so wisely point out:

WTF WAS HE DOING LETTING HIM LEAVE THE BAR LMAO. Calloway's Den of Drunkards confirmed for an "everybody drive home drunk. it's not my problem" bar??? Everyone is processing TAoLaW thru their own cultural lens and. in that spirit. lmfao. I must say. Calloway reminds me of the libertarian redneck dads I've known who just let their kids do whatever. If he was a giant I think he'd let his kids ride ATVs thru the woods drunk. Most probably he would also be ridin around drunk with them. "If you die it's your own damn fault" being his motto is too on the nose LOL. Huge farm dad "I LOVE MY SONS. ONLY HALF OF THEM WILL SURVIVE TO ADULTHOOD BUT I DO LOVE THEM" energy. To Me.

(Btw Harry & Joe processing their parental issues together WHEN <3)

BUT ANYWAY YEAH EVEN IF CALLOWAY WAS THE MOST UNOBSERVANT GUY IN THE WORLD RE: THAT SUSPICIOUS CONVERSATION? YOU WERE LITERALLY BOTH SCREAMING EACH OTHERS' NAMES LIKE LOVESICK ROMANCE PROTAGONISTS RIGHT UNDER THE DREDGE THAT'S STILL PROBABLY GOT AT LEAST SOME NIGHT MARKET CUSTOMERS? HELLO?? @94444 we are on the same wavelength rn

AND MORE ABOUT CALLOWAY... I am very heartened by how you mentioned once, Warren, that you planned to give each character real depth and treat them with sincerity. I feel very interested about when that time will be for Calloway! We know that he takes in kids (or at least O'Grady and Joe scratch that. tag lore be upon me) and teaches them how to sell trinkets. We know that he hates giants. We know he's been horribly injured in a way that led to him losing a hand, an eye, and possibly teeth. Knowing what we do about the risks of being a borrower, and how casually cruel giants are to them, it's not unlikely those last 2 things are related. I'M TAKING YOUR TAGS AND RUNNING AWAY WITH THEM LIKE A DOG W SOMETHING IN ITS MOUTH.

So Calloway knew them for several years as vulnerable kids... then lost them for a year or so... then got them back after they escaped the watchmaker's? I will be interested to see if that trauma means he's more protective of them, or uh, still more drunk libertarian dad about them. Lmao. He seemed like he cared about Joe getting into Tiny Town way back in Ch3 tho at least! (as an aside... interested in who Gutters is, too. He SEEMS to be older than Joe/Tim, but he could also still be a Calloway Kid himself... he seems to defer to Calloway... and/or he could just be some guy embittered about giant/tiny relations. which. fair, brother.)

If the broader Tiny Town culture (such as it is... would word get around about this incident with Joe and Harry, or does news just not travel that well amongst lots of secluded borrower communities? much to consider. it makes sense in a dark way why you would physically mark somebody who's transgressed against society's cardinal rule, in a culture where you cannot generally spread information effectively) would reject Joe for his proclivities... will Calloway, too? Or is it Joe's anxiety making him think that? I'm afraid we already know how Tim would feel. Other than him, Calloway is the person who Joe seems most connected to in miniature society... Although Harry's worry about Joe not spending enough time around his fellow miniatures in Ch22 is at least partially motivated by his own guilt-trip, I think he has a bit of a point! I hope Joe doesn't lose touch with everyone -- or if he does, I hope there will be new friends out there for him, too, who are more understanding.

(LORRAINE WHEN)

Now Calloway aside, OBVIOUSLY THE ENDING OF THIS CHAPTER HAD ME HOOTIN AND HOLLERIN.

“Joe… can we go back to the big, sexy giant part for a second?” <- LIT'RALLY me rereading this chapter 800 times

A snapping turtle is a fantastic little horror for poor Joe to face, woof. Those fuckers are scary enough when ur height is measured in feet. The quick way they snap is no joke. Just want to 👏👏👏👏 about how good this passage is: The turtle’s maw emerged from the waters of the lake like the gaping mouth of some ancient monster that fed on the souls of sailors. The grimy lakewater rushed over its beady little eyes as its beak, sharp as a dagger, flew towards Joe faster than a gunshot. YEAH.

It just!! makes my little heart sooooo happy to see that Joe does have someone who will unconditionally look out for him...!!! Harry has his issues, and they're still learning how to open up about themselves, but he consistently shows up!! :') the thought of him waiting for his man all night ... hoping the dredge would be the place Joe meant ... and then acting sooo fast when he saw a tiny guy fall off of it... what a faithful hound of a [future] boyfriend. Calloway is so right. Joe deserves somebody to look after him. And Joe has done the (forgive me for the loaded meme) girl math on this. One big man is the best possible outcome for him. ONLY THE BIGGEST MAN WILL DO to keep him off of his bullshit as much as possible 👍👍

And OF COURSE god their conversation is just so so so fucking funny. "Thank you" "fuck no I'm not" -> "FUCK YOU" is INCREDIBLE i CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT lmaooooo and Harry still being so gentle about receiving this insult and trying to parse what Joe means ... he does listen to Joe, they're definitely not back to square one as drunk!Joe feared, his own issues are just getting in the way! (And Joe's are getting in the way of him seeing thru Harry's facade into what the real issue is! We love to see it!)

"“I meant that. You don’t get to call me handsome until you start listening to me.” He slurred. “You gotta—you gotta want it.”

Joe crossed his arms and scowled up at the beautiful man and his beautiful face as Harry tried to parse what Joe was saying.

“Want it…?” Harry echoed.

“Yeah. You gotta want to be my friend. And screw what anyone else thinks!”"

And did anyone else cackle at how Joe telephone-gamed Calloway's advice to still be in plausible-deniability-land. "You gotta want to be my friend" ok. not what he fuckin said. run that back real quick -> "Not if you’re being open about what you want and everything. That’s how love works, Joe. You gotta want it."

I just adored the moments of insight between them, too. "... Joe knew his real answer was yes – he was just too afraid to say it overtly. He argued and fought and begrudgingly accepted it instead. / What was that saying to Harry?" vs. Ch22 Harry's revelation: "How much of his relationship with Joe was genuine, he wondered, and how much of it was Joe going along with Harry’s suggestions in the name of diplomacy?"

Joe IS acting like somebody who's being coerced! Harry IS being a trustworthy guy by noticing it and checking in once their relationship is definitely turning intimate! It's so fascinating to think in hindsight that every time Joe turned red and embarrassed, Harry was having a thought at the back of his mind like "he doesn't want this. I'm scaring him. He doesn't want me, and he doesn't even know the real me yet. And worse, he can't tell me, because he's afraid of what I might do to him." But he can't SAY all that because it would hurt too much if he said it and Joe confirmed he was actually correct, so Ch22 comes out as a trainwreck where he's accidentally insulting Joe's ability to survive without him. (Side note I KNEW Harry wasn't REALLY considering Joe his landlord. Sad!!! That fucked up scrawny starving guy has squatter's rights and he was doing pretty good all things considered maybe !!!)

The respective issues ~Society~ has given both of them just make it impossible to talk about the root of their problems without baring your guts in a really terrifying way. OOF.

HOWEVER this chapter confirming that homophobia isn't such a problem in tiny society is going to make this eventual conversation betwen them real interesting... Harry like "You don't understand Joe :( there's something really wrong with me... ... I like ... men..." and Joe being like "omg :) :) :) :) :) wait what's wrong with you tho" and then Joe "No you don't understand Harry :( I know this is sick but... I like.. giants... I'm sure you could never see someone smaller than you as anything other than a pet ..." and Harry just ":) :) :) :) oh what no :) Georgie was shorter than me" I hope they can have a good, baffled laugh at how long they could've been snuggling guilt-free. At the end of the angst. <3

[cookie-crumblr]

Hype Train!

F!Streamer Reader x M!Yandere Streamer OC

Part 5~

His Info: 📹✨

Part: 1 2 3 4 5 6

!!!MINORS DNI!!!

CW: NSFW, !F reader, use of she/her when referring to reader, reader has a vagina, SMUTT, cockwarming, mutual teasing, pet names (good girl, pretty, my girl), yandere, exhibitionism

“Try to not worry f’me, okay?”

You sigh, “I’ll try. I really will. It’s just gonna be really hard, ya know?”

“Of course, I’d never ask you to completely stop anything. I just wan’ ya t’ know that I’m gonna protect you.” Jasper kisses your palm, “from everything.”

A smile spreads across your warming face.

“I love you, Jasper. I trust you, just promise me you won’t get in trouble… I—I don’t wanna be without you.” Tears prick at your eyes. You’ve never been able to let your guard down… You’ve never even felt this scared before.

He reaches up to gently wipe your face and kiss both your cheeks.

“Nothing will take me away from you, pretty.” Your hair slips through his fingers as he deeply inhales your scent. “I promise.”

You beam, “Oh! by the way, I was planning on streaming tonight, would you wanna collab?”

“I have a great idea for a collab, actually…”

“Mm!! Uhh, oh! S-sorry, hah! Ummmm, Y-yurmomstinks, uhh, hah! th-thank you for thhhe—the um, resub! You’re amazing!” You stammer out before muting your mic in a ferver. “Jasper! I don’t think I c-can do this! they’re gonna know!!” you hiss.

His head remains draped over your shoulder.

“Hmmm, I think your doing amazin’, sittin’ on my cock while entertaining our viewers like the good girl you aree~. I’m so lucky my girl’s s’ talented,” He blows a little puff of air onto your neck.

“St-stooop! p-please, Jasperr! H-how am I supposed t-to d-do this?” You whine, the intense pressure and searing heat inside you make it almost impossible to function.

Did it get bigger somehow?

“Ahhrrrrg! You’re insatiable… And What is that? Why does it f-feel… like, b-bigger or something?”

“You’re one t’ talk. I keep feelin’ you squeeze me even tighter. You want so much more. Don’t lie~” The grin on his stupidly hot face is audible as he teases you. “nd I put my piercing back in” he nonchalantly tickles your neck with his teeth.

“What?! It’s p—pi—ha—pierced!?”

He pushes his hips up, going even deeper into you. “mmhmmm, ’s it too much f’you?” his snake bites tickle your ear as he nips it.

“Mmmf!!! D-don’t d-do th—aaaat!! Jas-ah-perr” He rolls himself under you slowly, gripping your sides to keep you in place.

You bite your lip.

“Do you really want me to stop, pretty girl? hmmm?” He starts to lift you off of his lap.

“AH! N-no!!!” You reach down and claw into his thighs.

“hmm,” He hums in satisfaction, “and you said I’m the insatiable one,” he tuts, and then all of a sudden while he’s still holding you above his lap, he bucks up, and pulls you down hard to meet him halfway.

“AHH! Jas-!!!” he lowers himself, lifts you, then slams back up into you again. “I-I’m gonna!!!”

“Do it.” he commands, “Cum on this cock, pretty.”

“Mmmmffff fffffuuuuck!” You convulse, and cry out.

He unmutes you, and slowly lowers you back down…

“You better quiet down, p-pretty, they’ll figure us out~.” He kisses your neck.

“Ffffff-uuuck youuu,” you quake as you come down, the pleasure still building though. Even your Vtuber model is twitching around the corner of the screen.

“Not yet, prettyy~,” He speaks smugly over your shoulder into the mic.

“Mm, ah! S-sorry every-one! I ha-ad to t-take a phone call!”

The chat is already blowing up…

“😳😳😳Was that… Jasper_????”

“Uhm…😵 Are you seriously getting fucked rn?”

“She def is😪.”

“That sounded like Jasper tho”

“Yo waddup Jas!”

“tell him we say HI!☺️☺️☺️!!”

“haaaaa, Oh my g-goodness guys! No! I’m seriously n-not-”

“It’s okay, Y/username, t-tell them who you belong tooo~” His smug grin is even more evident as the chat speeds past at the speed of light.

“Jasper!!! Shut uppp!!!”

“OH MY GOD!!! IT REALLY IS JASPER?!”

“NO WAY”

“IS THAT REALLY JASPER?!”

“JASPER_!!!?”

“ASHDMDMSKSMMXM🥵”

“SHE REALLY IS GETTING FUCKED!!!”

“i knew it.”

“yup”

“i knew it. i just ddnt think it was gonna b him…😔”

“Wow…”

“I was seriously in love with him tho😭”

“😱This is ILLIGAL”

“bro…🤤 How tight is sh-” he bans that one before you can finish reading it.

and so much more, you only catch a few as they fly by.

Tears start to prick at your eyes, you feel a little scared, some of them seem mad…

“Hey now, don’t be mean. Y/Username is my girl. If you disrespect her, you’re no longer welcome in either of our streams.” He scolds the viewers.

“You’re literally fukin rn tho. 😑”

“No, he’s right”

“Maybe she’s just excited?”

“😳…tickle fight???”

“S-sorry guys, I am-mm, with Jasper. We are just joking around behind the camera, hah, nothing like that! I swear!”

“We are together though.” He starts, “So You’ll all have ta get used to it. Got it?”

You stifle a laugh.

“Mmm!” he groans as your body shakes.

“someone call the Litch police! They really are fucking!🚔🚔🚔”

“TOS”

“TOS OMG🚨🚨🚨”

“OH NO MY EAAARRRSSSS”

“TEE OHHH ESSSSS🚨”

“No, wait, this is getting good guys😏…”

“^^ agreed😏”

You get a pretty devious idea, and the smirk to go with it…

With new purpose you grind down into his lap, rotating your lower half, you’re a little jittery, but the desired effect is still met.

“Y-y/User-username! ffffuuuuck-” his head falls over the back of the chair, his hands curling tighter into your sides.

“What is it Jassspserrrrr~? Tell themm~” you stifle more giggles, and his hips buck into your ass involuntarily. “Ahh!” You gasp.

“Ah! mmm!” He struggles.

Now you’re both fighting live on litch to make the other finish first.

“mmm, you little,” He lifts you again, the monitors shake as you hold on for dear life.

Your elbows hold you up and you push the keyboard out of the way. “L-little what? hmmm??” You laugh.

“That’s it. S-Streams over.” He reaches around you.

“Just when it was heating up,”

“Oh man, that’s really hot ngl…”

“I still can’t believe it’s really him.”

“Yeah when did this even happen??”

“Who cares, that was hot asf”

“did ny1 clip that???”

“Did you fuckin hear her? she was defsoaking his lap”

“Yeah, share plz!”

The chat continues to wiz past even after he ended the stream.

You’re forced to lean onto the desk with your head down, and your back arched. The access he has to your pussy from this angle is intense.

You already knew you were going to lose, but you had fun getting to tease him back.

“I-love y-ou Y/N!” He thrusts his hips up into you not stopping, your body is threatening to knock everything off everything down as you’re pushed forward more and more with each one.

You’re going to have bruises on your hips from him forcing you into the edge of the desk over and over again.

“J-jasper! I-I lo-ve y-you!”

You both climax, his hot semen mixes with your juices and spill out of you over his length and down onto his lap.

You continue grinding desperately into eachother for a mind breaking come down.

You’re yelling each other’s names and moaning at the top of your lungs, until the neighbors bang on the wall of your living room.

You laugh, and readjust to hug him, and snuggle into his neck, his dick continues to twitch inside you.

He rubs firm circles into your back and squeezes you.

“I seriously love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Jasper… This was…” You have to catch your breath, “Actually really fun,” You let out a heart filled giggle and sigh.

“We’re doing this again for all of my future streams right?”

“NO! oh my godddd!” you begin to laugh, “I hate you… hmm…” You wonder… “I do have another idea though…”

“Oh? care to share?”

“Nope! You’ll see,” You grin from ear to ear.

[azrielgreen]

I am genuinely so impressed by how you are juggling so many projects. What is your writing process like for that? I remember you sharing about how you romanticize the process but like how much time is given to each project? Is it based on where the dopamine leads you during the day? How do you maintain the discipline? How much of a project is mapped before you start drafting and editing? It is so hard to create and i just *genuinely* admire your work ethic so much.

Hi, oh thank you so much, that's really kind of you! So, juggling multiple projects is still new to me, I've only ever had 1 or 2 at once before but the last year has taught me a LOT about how to manage it, how to roll with the punches and the importance of balance.

TL;DR this became a ramble so I summarised:

3 hours a day

dopamine led but with consistent rewards in place

discipline countered with indulgent self care

embracing change and new inspiration

not comparing to others

making work space very pleasing and comfortable

trust you will do it because you've done it before

romanticise

stay open to the universe

you've never failed unless you give up completely - it's fine to miss a deadline, life is very short and it's better to be healthy, happy and inspired than burnt out and sick. take it slow, enjoy it, work when you can and reward yourself CONSTANTLY.

So, time wise, I will try to dedicate at least 3 hours a day to one single project and I'll try to keep it one project per week otherwise my head is all over the place. It's usually dopamine led as following joy is key to my energy levels, but I have also learnt the past year to discipline myself and adapt to a constant flow of creation.

I maintain the discipline by treating myself as wonderfully as I possibly can. I still and always will romanticise everything I do and make it fun; all frills, self indulgent and lovely. Having a space I love that's set up well is hugely important for me. My desk area is amazing now that I've worked on it for well over a year.

One of the best things for crafting discipline but not losing the joy is the THRILL of achievement. When I complete something, i feel amazing and that spurs me on. I cultivate multiple ideas as indulgently as I can and expose myself to a lot of new inspiration. If something doesn't work or feels not good? I give myself the freedom to change it up and the confidence to know that no matter what, it'll work out beautifully so long as I keep going because it always has. There were times during Touched I would CRY it was so hard to write and I was so distracted.

Knowing you can do something because you've already done it is an incredibly powerful little power up that I use often to give myself a boost.

But honestly, overall, I really do romanticise my life in general. I make beautiful things, I love what I write, I'm so grateful for everything and always open to new ideas and I never close myself off by comparing, doubting or clinging too hard to what felt good before. I give myself space to realise that I'm constantly changing and growing and that my writing reflects that which is SO exciting!! I think honestly, I'm my biggest fan. I hype myself, reward myself and treat writing like a blissful escape, which it is, even when it's 7 hours non-stop for a story I am very ready to be done with.

The most important thing about maintaining this level of output (for me) is giving myself space to mess up a little, to miss a deadline, to delay posting and not feel awful. 'You're Divine' is one of the greatest writing lessons I've ever learned, in that just because you can physically write 25k+ a week doesn't mean you SHOULD. Towards the end I had made myself very ill. I won't ever do that again. It's never a failure, unless you give up completely. Life is very short, it's difficult to feel inspired when you're hard on yourself. Treat yourself like the person you love most in this world. Be a little selfish, lean in where you're weird and praise it to the skies.

Thanks so much again!

Love, Az

💜💜💜