#AND IM NOT EVEN ALONE IN THE STORE
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
The Tumblr office adopted Tommy, an 11-year-old Pomeranian.
Text
I’m never listening to any viral ANYTHING from tik tok ever again
#this 15 day cleanse is going to actually kill me#like I will be deceased#it’s not even the literally 💩 that’s annoying#ITS THE CRAMPS#THE FOOKIN FART CRAMPS#IM IN AGONY#AGONY I SAY#can we skip to the part where I lose 5 pounds???#and I have to work 10:30-6#AND IM NOT EVEN ALONE IN THE STORE#HOW DO I EXPLAIN THAT ME RUNNING OUT OF THE STORE OR FROM MY LIVESTREAM THAT ITS CAUSE I GOTTA POO
0 notes
Text
if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
46 notes
·
View notes
Text
regardless of the "learn how to be alone" dravel, being lonely actually is really bad for your mental health and can be very painful :p
#i've been doing so so bad#and i've had breakdowns frequently this past week#and i dont have friends or family or a partner or even a therapist lmao#so im alone and thus only feeling worse and worse#my mom has been in an unusual bad mood lately so i havent been able to talk to her at all#but today she asked me to go to her to the store bc she wanted me to buy smth#and on the way we watched the snails and she found them cute (she has never appreciated snails before)#and now i instantly feel a bit better and a bit more normal after only 15 min of hanging out with her#it's so easy for ppl who have family or friends or a partner to judge and criticize me#but like.... u have ppl close to u and u know nothing abt what it feels like to be in my position#it's so condescending and lacking of compassion#i dont understand your pov either but at least im not TELLING YOU directly how much i judge you#like ppl judge me so hard for feeling miserable in my loneliness... but it's easy for u to say those things#like u dont feel my despairing loneliness bc u have a fkn partner. u have fkn friends. or a fkn family. easy for u to judge me from up ther#anyway im much better at being alone than most ppl bc im still alive and im enduring the pain every day#other ppl have ppl around them 💀 only others who are all alone can understand how much it hurts#and it wont be fixed by loving yourself or loving to be alone or whatever other bs they use to criticize u ._.#being alone IS harmful to your health. there are studies on it and im not just making that shit up#i AM allowed to feel pain bc i dont have anyone#ugh esp ppl w partners who can receive physical and romantic attention.... when they judge me.....#stfu forever u have no idea how i feel 💀 and u could never know simply by having had a partner at all...#but yeah. it bothers me too bc i NEVER see someone on here and go#damn i hate this sm i gotta let them know by sending them anons or vague post abt them#like i dont get up in their faces and tell them all my judgemental or bitter or hateful thoughts abt them#even this post is only bc other ppl have taken the liberty to without my consent or having asked tell me directly how pathetic i am#how im not allowed to feel alone. how i have a victim mentality so on and so forth#i never tell other ppl things like that. even if i think them (which honestly i rarely do unless they're extremely toxic TO other ppl) i wo#say shit abt it to them.... ??? like why?#when i sometimes see like ppl have friends on here or talk abt their partners i can feel bitter and jealous#bc im surrounded by seeing things i so deeply crave but im not a humanbeing worth of those things
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
I got new glasses yesterday and they didn't take any measurements (because apparently "they didn't need to" and "they're already in the system") and guess what!!! Everything is blurry because the measurements are wrong!!
#im lowkey angry lmao#im gonna have to get them fixed so thats another week or two without transition lenses#in the summer 😭😭😭#its my first time buying glasses alone (usually i go with my parents)#and the people at the store felt vaguely dismissive#they rushed me thru the purchase#and then told me it was normal to feel weird with new glasses even tho my prescription is the same#turns out the measurements are wrong and the only way to see well is to push them way too high up on my nose#heres hoping theyll listen to me tomorrow 😔#i might take my dad along for extra persuation lmaoo
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
for the first time in my life i was just asked if i have kids instead of if i'm in college yet. the years start coming and they don't stop coming huh
#stooooop#i know i have been old enough to have kids for a while but 😵💫#im always behind on all the milestones in life tho but it never stood out before bc people always thought i was 17#literally from when i was 13 until very recently people always guessed i was like 16-19#which was great bc i am an autistic late bloomer who lives w my parents and sucks at being an adult#so giving off the vibe and appearance of being a teenager was fine#but now i look like an adult#🧍♀️🧍♀️🧍♀️#yet i am not good enough at being one for these questions and assumptions 😭#i hate it hereee#anyway weird old guy at the store started telling dumb blonde jokes then asked me if i had kids#never in my life have i been asked that#late twenties fr the worst age bc u still feel young but start getting treated old and also u don't have ur shit and life together yet#but everyone thinks you do or should by now#alas#irl i'm 27 what am i a child bride moment#not that having kids is for old people#but im not even good at being responsible for myself yet let alone an entire baby#i do want kids but im not ready for that yet#also never been in love 🫠#or even seriously dated anyone ever#not that it's a requirement#in fact im planning to adopt esp if i dont get married but still#anyway i do very much want kids im just not in that place yet#and didnt feel that behind in life about it bc nobody ever asked me that before#thsi better not be like how everyone asks you as soon as they meet u about ur job or school i dont need to be fielding this forever
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
^ Most fucked up movie lines
#posting my image so that i can complain to myself in vague terms . Talking about food if you dont wanna see that#also vague allusions to ed dont read my complaining tags if that will trigger you#but i hate having migraines and my fibromyalgia is so bad that it makes it si hard to get up and out of bed and like even if i manage to It#Like. ill give up and just go back to bed because with my migraines the nausea makes everything unappealing . so i'm only eating if i order#something or if my nana brings something home Or way later than i should and it sucks . And I'm out of money and i hate taking it from#other people more than anything else. i wish like everything was walkable like it is back home because then i could just drag myself to#walk a few blocks to the store or something. But i cant do that here so i'm just stuck . And then there is the disorder . Ok that's all . i#hate complaining about this directly to other people but i have to get my Everything out somewhere just to get it off of my mind.#ots just AUGHHHH!!!! SO FRUSTRATING. I hate Being alone in my room and i cant even ask my mommy if she'd get me something. haha 🤣 . Ok#im done now .#basically they should find a way to make food free when youre only comfortable eating One thing .#meowing
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Remember how tumblr was full of tips and advice for texas snowstorms and uk and canada heatwaves
And even uk flooding
I remember
#bit of a salty post cant help it rn#ill probably delete this in the morning#but damn it feels weird to not see a single flood preparation and handling post right now. people have already died you know#im cut off from like. everyone who's not in my city. and my city has not been hit yet#if anything happens and the retention lake or whatever its called does not hold enough water?#ill be stuck all alone cuz my roommates are all still home for vacation and my bf lives away#and guess what! the access road to his town has been closed#so im just gonna go to work and pray to non-existent gods that the rivers don't overflow here.#and even if they do im gonna be alone#... we were going to go to prague this week. my only real vacation this year. and now it's just. lost money#feels really weird to be so alone. and there's not even that bit of sympathy online i saw for others#i have to buy water and some food in the morning. store opens in 2 hours. might as well stay up#or else ill wake up at 11 and nothing will be left. fuck
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Opening the local bubble tea store absolutely livid and shaking in rage and upset bc my bitch ass boss is too concerned about us sitting on the job to order the tea bags I requested Two Fucking Weeks Ago (it only takes like 4 or 5 days to ship) and so we're out and I had to hand wash the 1 reusable bag to make black tea and I have to strain the free floating tea leaves from the cold brew and I just KNOWWWW he's going to have something more to bitch about because he always does
Last straw on the camel's back, etc etc, I want to put in my two weeks notice by the end of this week. That's a goal for myself.
#speculation nation#i currently dont have a job lined up but im going to start applying Today#because i cant take this anymore. i cant fucking take this anymore.#i feel like im about to shatter from the strain of hos chokehold#8 years total under his thumb and for What? he doesnt appreciate me. he doesnt value me.#he's an asshole this place sucks and it makes me so sad because i really do care about the people here#but i cant. i cant fucking do it anymore.#im really glad im alone on shift rn bc ha ha ha. ill put up the mask for customers but i am#genuinely shaking rn. im so upset.#this being after he complained Again about people sitting on the job during the meeting last night like#shut UPPPP I DONT CAAAARE#YOU TRY WORKING WITH CHRONIC PAIN AND FATIGUE AND A JOB THAT DOESNT GIVE GENUINE BREAKS#'oh if you need to take a break then do it but just dont sit down on the job“#WHEN DO YOU THINK I COULD TAKE MY BREAK? IM WORKING ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!+#and when im.not working alone im working with trainees so i still cant leave the store unattended#im sick of him.im so sick of him and im THIIIIIIIIIS close to just breaking down here and now#i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i HATE HIM#negative/#sorry for the vent i just feel like.im about to blow up and everyone's busy so ic cant. vent properly#im not even done opening bc im too busy freaking out and pacing and being angry#and hes gonna watch me sitting here thru the cameras and be like Ho Hum Look at you immediately doing what i said not to#like fucking STOP!!!! WATCHING US!!!!!!! YOU FUCKING CREEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#IM SO SICK OF HIM WATCHING US THROUGH THE CAMERAS. HE HAS NO TRUST IN ME DOING MY JOB#0 value for me as a person or employee 0 value for my to this day dedication to this company#i want to send my heel through those front windows. watch them shatter. wreck the whole place#because fuck this place and fuck him#i wontttt bc i dont wanna go to jail lol but the temptation is there. i fucking hate his guts.#im going to put in my 2 weeks by the end of this week. im going to start applying to places Today. just fucking watch me.
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
so many of you talk about the cruel adults in your childhood that negatively effected you and caused lifelong insecurity yet you're still perfectly fine with being that mean stranger to any kid that has the misfortune of existing around you and thats just really gross !!!
#like i get kids can be overwhelming for a various amount of reasons but its not going to kill you to treat children with basic human decency#adults can be just as overwhelming or annoying—if not more. yet if you talked to an another adult the same way you do to a kid#then ppl would fucking hate you and not want to be around you because youre not being cool and witty—youre just mean!!!#everyone has experienced the frustration of being a kid being mistreated by an adult. some more than others#rather its ignoring your bodily autonomy (from sa and assault to hugging you when you don't want to be touched to not letting you#make your own harmless choices like a haircut or whatever). everyone has been talked down to or had their opinion treated like its nothing#or that their thoughts or input doesn't matter. everyone has a childhood experience with a mean or judgemental adult#yet over and over ppl are fine just repeating that cycle of abuse and hatred#like youre a young adult and youre still getting treated like shit by older ones. but youre able to have a drink or you graduated or smthn#so now you feel like you earned that right to be judgemental & angry & mean to a group of people that didnt fucking do anything to you#anyways. this is because im sick and had to go to the store to get groceries and meds#so its a 20 minute walk to the nearest store in 108 degrees bc i dont have gas money and then in the store im ofc using a face mask#like im sweaty and feel disgusting and like shit but this kid was SO fucking excited about his spiderman toy and wanted to talk and#his mom said ‘i told you no one wants to hear about that crap leave her alone’ and like?? no fuck off let a kid be happy?? hes not fucking#doing anything wrong?? so we talked and he showed me the little tiy that lights up and asked if i saw the new spiderverse movie#and i told him i havent! so he asked why so i explained i have photosensitivity and what that means and why i cant see it#(‘even though i heard its super cool!’) and HE WAS SO SWEET... like immediately hid the toy because oh! flashing lights can hurt me!#and then immediately said dont worry because he'll tell me about it so its like i saw it instead!#and like. guys imma be honest with you. i stilm got no fucking idea what this movie's plot is.#but you bet your fucking ass i was pretending like i was following along & was going ‘no way!’ ‘so it's a parallel universe...?’ ‘oh wow!’#like yea its unnecessary. i felt oike i was gonna collapse and im still struggling to breathe at home now. but also i been the kid#who just wanted to talk about my interests and no one wanted to or was dismissing it.#i know it's not a end of the world deal but i also know that crushing feeling. you gotta be the kindness you want to see in the world yknow#anyways. be nice to kids or im not going to be nice to you. they're one of the most vulnerable members of our society and deserves kindness
32 notes
·
View notes
Text
I need to find a way to aquire some spider items for johns birthday without telling my parents why I need them
#i have no money and am not allowed to go tk the store alone#and they think my obession i weird already and might flip if they find out im celebrating his birthday#also their not spirtual at all and im not sure they even believe in an afterlife#but just in case i want to at least bake smthn in celebration of john#he makes me so very happy#my husband ❤️❤️
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Roommate wont let me have a cigarette
#i dont even smoke cigarettes i just want one#but im currently unable to operate a motor vehicle and I wanna walk to the corner store and buy one#but my roommate wont let me go alone and if i try to buy cigarettes he'll stop me#this is so sad can we get an f in the chatroom#cal.txt
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
As time goes by I'm becoming more and more sure that I just can't survive on my own. I can take basic care of myself, but the second I have to go to a doctor or do some formal stuff I get paralyzed. I just can't. Fuck, I can barely even talk to strangers in general. Or even not strangers, I can't fucking text someone back if I'm not close to them, it's just so scary and exhausting. I'm becoming emotionally tired more easily and sometimes even talking with my mom about anything is too much for me and I love my mom. And I really need her, I can't do basic stuff without her pretty much holding my hand all the time. I can't get a normal job. We went to this blueberry plantation a few times but I just couldn't go there without her, and now the job is over and we can't go there at all. If I wasn't such a fucking baby I'd go there a few more times alone and get some money. I can't make calls, there's literally like two people I feel comfortable talking on the phone with. People used to say I was mature for my age when I was younger but I never grew up and now I'm almost 21 and can't do anything with my life. I'm scared of everything, I'm constantly exhausted physically and mentally. I'm like a fucking child. I'm scared that I'm gonna have to live with my mom my whole life. I can't see a future for myself, I'm just not able to survive without help and at some point I won't be able to get help, I don't want to be a parasite living off of my mom's money but I don't see anything else I could do. I hate my brain so much. I hate the way it refuses to work. I hate myself for being such a child.
#you know theres this weird idk. impostor syndrome about me and my autism#like on one hand i know that autism is a disability. but on the other i cant think of myself as disabled#cause im not 'autistic enough'. because i can keep myself fed and clean and healthy and alive as long as im provided with everything i need#but then i have a full on breakdown because my new laptop doesnt work and i have to go to the store to have it checked/replaced#i wanna throw up just thinking about it#i cant do anything without my moms help#i wanna throw up and cry and die when theres too much happening around me. i cant survive in the real world. i just can't#i cant get a job or a partner or go to college or move out or even just fucking. go to a store and ask for help with my laptop.#i feel like im destined to live w my mom forever and not achieve anything and die alone#i keep talking about wanting to make a living with my art but thats bullshit. i do want that but i know it's not possible for me#i cant even fucking finish the commissions i already have. im scared to get new ones. im scared to do anything.#my brain refuses to let me work on anything#and yeah i am burnt out after my diploma and exams and all that but at some point i just have to admit im not built for that. for anything.#im built to live like a parasite baby and die#my mom is too good of a person to kick me out but i wouldnt blame her. im useless. i cant make money. i cant take care of myself#i dont know what to do#bee buzz
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
𝖜𝖔𝖒𝖕 𝖜𝖔𝖒𝖕
#i didnt want to complain too much.. but then im like why cant i complain then???#if i was around ppl who made me feel loved and had ppl who wanted to spend time w me and thought i was important#i wouldnt even want to complain rn. i feel alone every day but my birthday gets worse. i know birthdays dont matter that much......#but then why do i see so many other ppl have nice birthdays????? why do they have ppl who wanna celebrate it??? why do they get affection???#so yeah i know this sounds childish and im not even that materialistic but i feel sad not getting any gifts or birthday wishes 💀#but i also havent gotten those in years and years...... it's weird bc it's like i dont really want it but like it would also be nice ????#and i feel jealous of ppl w friends who acts like eo bday is smth special. my friends always 'forgot'. and my relatives would be 'busy'#i feel extra sad bc i didnt even get an email from the grocery store chain?!?!?! i always get that what the hell :(((((((#its like an automated birthday wish but like still.... not even as a customer in a capitalist way am i valued or important imma cry 😭😭😭😭#and ppl can belittle me or call me childish and egotistical but i am sad. and love helps. and i wouldnt be so sad#if during my life ppl made me feel important and valued and loved.#it isnt really abt wanting birthday attention it just all intensifies my feelings#of profound worthlessness and uselessness and how fkn unimportant i am 😁
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
being hassled and spammed by my boss fuck offff im not coming in at 5am on my day off tomorrow cuz you the manager cant be arsed to cover someones shift IT IS 9PM LEAVE ME ALONE
#this is the 5th time in the past 2 weeks i have been asked last minute to cover a shift!!!! leave me alone!!!!!#feel like i am being taken advantage of tbh#if its that crucial and you cant just open the store a little later or smth then go in yourself its your responsibility and you have no#reason you cant#i am not paid nearly enough for this bullshit to be on call whenever you want fuck you theres like 5 other people you could ask anyway why#is it always me#tbh its inappropriate to keep messaging and calling me at like 9.30 in the evening on my day off#maybe i wouldve been pressured to say yes but being messaged and called repeatedly until i respond like that actually triggers me so now im#straight up unable to open the messages or reply#god i fucking hate work culture im barely above minimum wage working for a shitty chain store billionaire corporation fuck off i hate you#idek why my manager cares either tbh he too is working for this stupid corporation that doesnt give a shit about him#fuck capitalism fuck big corporations i hateeeee youuuu
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Rant.
#I'm honest to god irritated at anyone asking me to do favors rn#like my GOD i can't have a moment to my damn self#NO i don't want to drop you off at your girlfriends house#NO i don't want to pick your son up from his mom's place#NO i don't want to take you to the store#i want to be left the hell ALONE#I'm tired of every waking moment it's just ppl coming to me or texting or calling to request something from me#and all i get in return is a hurried “thank you” with nothing else!!#I'm not expecting the world or anything but even!! maybe some gas money because I'm fucking low for the rest of the month and NEED it#maybe just for THIS FUCKING EXCHANGE TO NOT BE A CONSISTENT DAY TO DAY THING#I'm tired of my options for the day being “clean” “help this person” or “be available to help this person later”#im FUCKING help fatique im tired of being the person that helps who tf is going to help me when i need it cause it feels like fucking no one#blymi rants
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
also for pretty much the entire duration we were there they were doing a fire alarm drill o(-< and man. man it was so loud. it was a constant never ending shrill. it started off ok just like a BIINGG BIING but then it slowly got louder and Constant and it felt so strange jsut walking around normally and no one reacting whatsoever BHJJA,,, like as if it was all in ur head. but eventually a lady came by with ear plugs and at first she scared me n i instantly was like no,, and sadly watched her walk off but she came back n forced myself to go up and ask her them ,,which, i do not do. i just kept telling myself i need something to tell my therapist LMAO. but ALSO. .... it is so fucking nice being in a mall with earplugs in. i think it fully saved me from my usual sickness that i get from them
#i know some people wear them when they go out to stores or like even just earbuds#but i never have because i also have a fear that i wont be like. alert enough. but man.. it was so nice just being able to walk around#and not be hounded by everything#honestly even when im alone in my room sometimes i keep my big headphones on just because i like the way they block out sound
6 notes
·
View notes