#AND I JUST LOVE HOW IT HANDLES ALL THE MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES SO RESPECTFULLY

[witsserviceablesubstitute]

Loving Anders and Fenris means I'm trying to enjoy two similarly flawed characters whose trauma shouldn't have been used as a weapon against each other, nor as a weapon against the entirety of DA2's plot. At least, not the way it was. Their respective stories needed a lot more empathy and nuance. Some of that was DA2 being a rushed rough draft, but there are still certain choices that the player makes with both of them that exist as pointlessly cruel, racist, and abelist and therefore shouldn't have been options at all.

Ultimately DA2 is a story that handled both Fenris and Anders contextual oppression and meta creation poorly enough that sometimes all I see is a reproduction of their reductive feud, but in real life. I understand why someone would dislike one but not the other (and people should feel free to), I even agree with an interpretation of Anders as this particular type of biased white leftist. However, years of their constant reduction has only led to a dismissal of what they represent. The exploration of which being DA2's whole plot, the execution of which being fundamentally flawed, and the divisive reaction of which being inevitable. They needed care, basically.

The story was damagingly irresponsible in how it went about pitting their two biggest in-game marginalized identities against each other, one an allegory for queer oppression and mental health issues, the other for colonialism and slavery. It has gotten to the point where I believe fenders (or rather the hopeful romanticization of Fenris and Anders) has the better idea in how to manage their mishandling than discussion that reduces them to their worst selves, dehumanizes them altogether, or dismisses their textual metaphors. Because they are flawed but sometimes all I see is a recitation of their flaws used to dismiss all they represent rather than discussion on how DA2 could've handled their themes respectfully.

This, again, is me navel-gazing. Not on the attack. Please be free to disagree, just not abusively so. Different interpretations of a text and characters are unavoidable, especially for these two (who people feel a strong personal affinity for) and in a game like DA2 (a story within a story). This is just how I feel.

[hamletshoeratio]

you say i can like a characters and acknowledge their flaws. Okey, did you acknowledge Kate and anthonies flaws???

What's y'all's obsession with Kate and Anthony? Genuinely asking here because some of the anons I've gotten have been saying absolutely vile things about Kate and Simone Ashley, which I refuse to post or give the time of day.

But anyways, I have been critical of Anthony before, particularly of how he handled the "love triangle" in season 2. I also hated his treatment of Sienna in season 1. I can acknowledge that his and Sienna's relationship was an important arc for his character, how ever much I hated his treatment of her. She deserved better. Additionally, a certain section of the fandom has to check their misogyny because the language used to talk about her is absolutely vile - and beyond hypocritical when compared to how the same people talk about Anthony.

Kate was mishandled by the writers. Full stop. The changes from the book were most detrimental to her and Edwina. I think Simone did amazing with what she was given, but they took out so much of Kate's development from the book. Most of my gripes with show!Kate are just frustration with writing decisions.

A lot of the writing decisions in general are just tone deaf. There's been a lot of rightful criticism on how the show has handled its bipoc representation. How Ruby Barker was treated in real life by netflix and the producers was disgusting. The way they've treated both her and her character has been vile. I hope to god her story in the show does not end the way it did in the books because that would be beyond horrific. If you're going to tell stories involving mental health issues, do so respectfully and responsibly. Otherwise, don't do it at all, because you're just doing more harm than good. Additionally, we've only had two minor queer characters for a show that prides itself on its representation. And those characters only appear in season 1. I'm not counting Brimsley because he only got proper characterization and arc in QC, and we have literally no clue where Reynolds is in the present timeline. And, while I enjoyed QC on the whole, the romanticization of Queen Victoria's birth as some sort of win for feminism took me out of the fantasy every single time. I'm not expecting the show to be historically accurate at all, the costuming confirmed to me that it wasn't trying to be back in season 1 and thats ok because its fantasy, but my god the way they include elements of real life history is beyond tone deaf.

Penelope herself was also mishandled by the writers. By making lady whistledown a far more active force in the show, they did not take into consideration what that would mean for her as a character. In the books, the Bridgertons react to the LW reveal like "oh OK, ride on Pen!" because LW hasn't been as destructive a force as she's been in the show. In the show, it makes no sense for them to react like that given what's been written about them and the impact that its had. LW, in the books, was far less harmful. By giving it a more active role in the story, they've unwittingly made her an antagonist because of the harm she's caused. Harm, I may add, that she's been mostly apathetic to. Show!Penelope needs a redemption arc, but she's probably not going to get one.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hello hello,

sorry bc this is a bit long and I got a bit carried away

But basically all my life i thought my home life was super great but looking back on it, it was nice but some slightly (only slightly) questionable stuff [I want to clarify that it’s nothing physical but some of it was a little bit fucked up like I have one stand out memory but also I may have made it up bc idk sometimes I’m super sure it happened and sometimes I’m not] went down and now i notice more and more my parents making sexist/homophobic/transphobic jokes and offhand comments and then getting annoyed and yelling at me whenever I try and tell them they’re wrong. I also sort of noticed that they’re a bit too pushy and invasive of my privacy [especially my mother who loves to offload her problems onto me and has since I was pretty small and would just barge into my room at any time and tell me about them and I understand communication is important in families but I don’t think 9 is a good age for your mother to regularly be crying to you about how suicidal she feels but she always acted like it was a good thing so I assumed it was too idk] and it’s like half the time they treat me like I’m way younger than I am [late teen] and the other half of the time it’s like they expect me to be a mature adult and like I just want to be my actual age yk but I can’t and tbh I don’t even know how to go about doing that now bc I feel like I’ve sort of been stifled and the thing is I’m not sure how I should actually be feeling about the whole thing because I don’t think they’re actually really bad people [my parents] and I end up feeling guilty about the fact that I just don’t want to talk to them anymore [especially my mum] and like ik people who have way worse home lives than me and I feel like it’s being a bit selfish to complain bc sure they make problematic jokes but I don’t think they’d necessarily treat me worse if I came out [non-binary and pan] but also I don’t think they’d be that great about it like my brother came out as bi and they were like ok but then one time when he was away they were talking about ‘if he gets a girlfriend’ and I said ‘or a boyfriend bc he’s bi’ and they were like ‘yeah he’s bi but he’s only ever really shown interest in girls so we doubt he’s actually bi but I mean if he got a boyfriend we’d be fine with it’ and I was like on the one hand like it could be worse but it still didn’t sit right with me that they just casually assumed he was lying about it even tho he’d literally come out…

also I sort of don’t even want to come out atp to them I just want to sort of quietly cut ties or distance myself

so I sort of tried to do that [as much as I can yk being still a minor and living at home] but now I’ve got my mum not so subtly idk tryna guilt trip me. Like she’ll say shit about how I used to talk to her and now I never do and like there’s a fucking reason [I now actually have friends who I realised I feel way more comfortable around] but ok

Like a while back she came to my room and tried to do the usual complaining thing about how she’s v depressed and all and I tried to respectfully tell her she needs therapy and she got super upset with me and started crying and stormed out my room and then she came back later and tried again and I told her like as nicely as I could that I can’t handle this bc I am just a kid yk as nice as possible I cannot handle my shit let alone yours like my mental health is not great rn and like I want to be there for the ppl in my life not feeling good but also like she’s been doing this since I was pretty small and there’s literally no way I can really support her except spending more time with her maybe but then that’s bad for my mental health especially bc she’ll do offhand shit that she knows I don’t like [like I have sensory issues bc I’m neurodivergent and having a hand put on my shoulder for some reason I just ugh it’s the worst - and ever since she noticed that I would pull away she’s started doing it more and every time I pull away she makes jokes about how she must have ‘a disease or something’ and just UGH sorry it infuriates me]

so basically [sorry for the suuuper long ask] I’m not sure what the right thing to do is, like do I try and remedy the relationship with my parents [but especially my mum] or do I just sort of keep going like this till I’m at uni or what?

again sorry this is way too long

Hi love! First of all, I wanna give a TW to people reading:

TW: mentions of suicidal thoughts

Okay, I'm gonna take this one section at a time:

But basically all my life i thought my home life was super great but looking back on it, it was nice but some slightly (only slightly) questionable stuff [I want to clarify that it’s nothing physical but some of it was a little bit fucked up like I have one stand out memory but also I may have made it up bc idk sometimes I’m super sure it happened and sometimes I’m not]

Okay chances are you're not making it up. Thinking you're making it up is a super common symptom of guilt trips and gaslighting. If you think it happened...it probably did.

went down and now i notice more and more my parents making sexist/homophobic/transphobic jokes and offhand comments and then getting annoyed and yelling at me whenever I try and tell them they’re wrong.

This is NOT okay of them. They're being disrespectful.

I also sort of noticed that they’re a bit too pushy and invasive of my privacy [especially my mother who loves to offload her problems onto me and has since I was pretty small and would just barge into my room at any time and tell me about them and I understand communication is important in families but I don’t think 9 is a good age for your mother to regularly be crying to you about how suicidal she feels but she always acted like it was a good thing so I assumed it was too idk]

Uhm hi hello hi. NO. No no no. This is NOT okay. Parents do NOT tell their children about their suicidal feelings. Absolutely not. This is a classic example of parentification. You, even as a teenager, are the CHILD. You are NOT responsible for your parents, and you should not feel any sort of pressure to help with their wellbeing. Nope.

and it’s like half the time they treat me like I’m way younger than I am [late teen] and the other half of the time it’s like they expect me to be a mature adult and like I just want to be my actual age yk but I can’t and tbh I don’t even know how to go about doing that now bc I feel like I’ve sort of been stifled and the thing is I’m not sure how I should actually be feeling about the whole thing

yup. parentification. You've been expected to take on the role of a parent when convenient and act like a child when convenient. this is not okay and you're absolutely right to feel weird and bad and resentful about it.

because I don’t think they’re actually really bad people [my parents]

And here's the thing: that can also be true. A lot of times, parents can both love you/be good people AND unintentionally be hurtful. But in a way, that can be even more difficult because like...how do you explain to someone who thinks they're not being hurtful that they ARE?

and I end up feeling guilty about the fact that I just don’t want to talk to them anymore [especially my mum] and like ik people who have way worse home lives than me and I feel like it’s being a bit selfish to complain bc sure they make problematic jokes but I don’t think they’d necessarily treat me worse if I came out [non-binary and pan] but also I don’t think they’d be that great about it like my brother came out as bi and they were like ok but then one time when he was away they were talking about ‘if he gets a girlfriend’ and I said ‘or a boyfriend bc he’s bi’ and they were like ‘yeah he’s bi but he’s only ever really shown interest in girls so we doubt he’s actually bi but I mean if he got a boyfriend we’d be fine with it’ and I was like on the one hand like it could be worse but it still didn’t sit right with me that they just casually assumed he was lying about it even tho he’d literally come out… also I sort of don’t even want to come out atp to them I just want to sort of quietly cut ties or distance myself so I sort of tried to do that [as much as I can yk being still a minor and living at home] but now I’ve got my mum not so subtly idk tryna guilt trip me. Like she’ll say shit about how I used to talk to her and now I never do and like there’s a fucking reason [I now actually have friends who I realised I feel way more comfortable around] but ok Like a while back she came to my room and tried to do the usual complaining thing about how she’s v depressed and all and I tried to respectfully tell her she needs therapy and she got super upset with me and started crying and stormed out my room and then she came back later and tried again and I told her like as nicely as I could that I can’t handle this bc I am just a kid yk as nice as possible I cannot handle my shit let alone yours like my mental health is not great rn and like I want to be there for the ppl in my life not feeling good but also like she’s been doing this since I was pretty small and there’s literally no way I can really support her except spending more time with her maybe but then that’s bad for my mental health especially bc she’ll do offhand shit that she knows I don’t like [like I have sensory issues bc I’m neurodivergent and having a hand put on my shoulder for some reason I just ugh it’s the worst - and ever since she noticed that I would pull away she’s started doing it more and every time I pull away she makes jokes about how she must have ‘a disease or something’ and just UGH sorry it infuriates me]

This is what I'm saying: it's super difficult to convince someone they're being hurtful when they truly think they aren't. Trust me, my mother is the same way. But you aren't wrong for wanting to distance yourself. Also, don't compare yourself to other people. You have a DIFFERENT home life, not necessarily a better or worse one.

so basically [sorry for the suuuper long ask] I’m not sure what the right thing to do is, like do I try and remedy the relationship with my parents [but especially my mum] or do I just sort of keep going like this till I’m at uni or what? again sorry this is way too long

Don't be sorry! I guess the first thing I'd say is, all of your feelings are valid, and this sounds super difficult. I'm sorry you have to go through it <3. Here's the thing: You are right. There are some things going on in your house that aren't okay. But the reality is, your mom doesn't seem to be willing to hear your opinion about changing them. SO, where do you go from here?

I think the two major things I've had to learn with my (very similar) mother is:

Set boundaries and stick to them. If she's dumping on you and you can't handle it, tell her it's not okay. Keep politely telling her this. There is NOTHING WRONG with doing this, even if she tells you otherwise.

Take what you can get, but don't get your hopes up. Does she want to take you out to lunch? Great. She wants to hang out after school? Awesome. But don't...rely on her to be more than she is.

If you're able to do these two things in a healthy way, this might be your best bet until you turn of age and you're able to reevaluate if you want a long-term relationship or not. But honestly, if you're financially dependent on her, separating from her completely might not be the best idea if you are safe.

The ONLY thing that makes me nervous about this whole situation is your mention of your mom's suicidal thoughts, so I'll leave you with this:

if your mom is scaring you with the way she is talking, call the authorities. You are a minor, and you should NEVER have to deal with that on your own.

No matter what happens, no matter WHAT your mom does, no matter what you do or don't say/do or don't do, your mother's decisions are her own. Nothing she does is your fault.

If you feel comfortable, please DM me! I'm being genuine when I say our moms sound similar, and I would love to talk more <3

P.s. I just want to say that, you are SO smart, as a teenager, to realize that this behavior is not okay. Good for you <3

[just-jayy]

If the fandom hates you and continues to harass you, why are you still in it?

Because this show, as stupid as it is, has made me feel seen in a way that nobody can understand. It's very personal so I'm not getting into the specifics, but it's the first time I've seen something I've struggled with (mental health and addiction; pills for me, alcohol in the show) be handled carefully and respectfully. Especially for Kaeloo, the character.

Kaeloo the character I see so very clearly as myself, a reflection of what it feels like being not "normal". Gender identity stuff, dissociation, memory lapses, emotional instability... These are things you'd never expect from a cartoon, especially nowadays.

My favorite episode will always be Beautiful Words. It spoke to me and continues to make me cry when I watch it because of how very real it is for me. Because I've been there in Kaeloo's shoes. I know how it feels to be so stuck emotionally when something sets you off, or even arguing with other parts for rationality only to find out that there is no rationale.

Mr. Cat (and QQ to a lesser extent) has issues with addiction and finding a reason to live. His world has been a constant slap in the face of multiple forms of abuse, which leads to him seeking for a bit of respite from this harsh reality. Even with friends, he still resigns himself to a lifestyle of parties and dosing himself in booze.

Stumpy is neglected by his mother, but he pretends to always be happy. He has to for his little sister's, who are all products of emotional stunted growth because of his mother's abuse.

To me, this cartoon isn't just a cartoon, it's a show and a story that takes very real struggles and handles them with respect that the topics deserve. Mental health is the key focus behind the characters, which I have a lot of respect for. People on this fandom, even the adults, can't see that. Instead they focus on blatantly hating an episode purely because a character appears or has a spot in it. They hate moments of the show that give us depth because their prefrontal cortex isn't developed to understand nuance yet. But I and many others can see the love and care that gets put into this, and we love the routes the storytelling can take us.

This is why I find it so funny when that half of the fandom says I'm not a real fan. People enjoy Bluey, an actual preschool cartoon, but they find a problem with someone like me enjoying a show that isn't even strictly for children, it's for kids and adults. That's why S1 has the humor it does. They don't like me in this fandom because I ship something they don't like.

That's it.

They've all convinced themselves it has to do with that document (which was a critique on fandom spaces and dysfunctionality as well as toxic cult behavior, which they see as a harassment campaign which just... you guys are actually not mentally okay) and can't use their critical thinking skills to listen to reason, purposely turning a blind eye and deaf ear to very real things that happened.

There's no other reason for these people to dislike me so much.

Edit post-publication: they also hate me bc the fandomhead took a very simple situation and twisted the story as they do.

They listen to that little voice of, "well if jay is right then I'd have to apologize and then I'll be ostracized from the group", because that's the kind of toxic culture that side of the fandom culminates. They try to bait me to respond when they send me messages (some of them forget to hit anon or the app glitches, that's always funny), or reblog my posts with incomprehensible walls of text, but I don't give in nor do I reply to people who should have no stake in this matter and purely exist to come to the fandomhead 's aide bc she isn't an adult who can handle her own problems.

Keep in mind, we're talking about adults with the minds of babies who think their opinions matter on the internet. They firmly believe that I send myself messages, that I post what makes me happy to spite them and not because I actually enjoy it, and whatever other batshit reasoning they want to say.

Keep in mind x2: I've had these people blocked since that doc was posted. I don't go on their accounts, I don't stalk their pages, I don't send them asks, I don't do shit. LIterally, what would I have to gain by doing any of that?

I guess what I'm saying can be answered with a counterargument: why in the world would anyone want to be in a fandom that is so hostile at the moment? If anything, people have been more happy that I've been posting what I want because they're sick of the repetition in the tag. I don't see anything in the tag other than Ink and my stuff because I have every single person and sock account blocked there, so I can't imagine what's been going on.

TL;DR: I don't give into bullies who hide behind anonymous or spam me with how much they don't like me. I still like the show because I like it. I don't associate with the fandom because the fandom is a horrible place for people. It's a toxic cesspool of idiots so stuck in 2019-proship-v-anti-mindset who will castrate you if you dare to open up about what you like. It's just a bad place, which is why I'm not in it.

I'm just a dude who likes the ships and content I make with my friends. I'm allowed to exist just as much as the fandom and the people in it are.

Anyway, free Palestine and go support vetted gfms!

[tsarinajissa]

Hey! Um this is probably so weird and out of the blue but hopefully it's ok. I was just wondering where you watch Yuri on Ice?? It's all over my dash and I've been wanting to check it out but I cannot find anywhere to watch it? Sometimes I feel so out of the loop at where people watch all these awesome shows lol. Anyways it's no rush! I hope everything is going well and thanks for sharing if you don't mind! :)))

I am so terrible at noticing asks! But you were right, @chargeintothevoid–I am DEFINITELY up for evangelizing Yuri on Ice! ;)

There are a bunch of possible places for watching Yuri on Ice. My memory says you’re a fellow US person, so I’ll start with those, but if I’m wrong the bottom links will still work!

Crunchyroll: The official place to watch the sub in the US–all 12 episodes are available for free streaming with ads, or you can subscribe to crunchyroll for $5 a month if the ads bother you. Advantages: Officially licensed! Disadvantages: US based

Funimation: The official place to watch the dub in the US–The first 2 episodes are available for free streaming with ads, and the rest are available if you subscribe. A free trial gives you a month of access, which would certainly be enough to watch all 12 ;). I really enjoy both the sub and the dub–I did sub first, and then the dub! Bestie only likes dubs, and still enjoyed it without watching the sub first. Advantages: Officially licensed dub. Disadvantages: US based, and you’ll need at least a free trial to watch all 12.

KissAnime: all 12 eps subbed. Slightly less sketchy than the YouTube uploads–better quality at least–but still not licensed so no monies to Kubo-sensei. I’d only use if you’re not US based.

YouTube: all 12 eps, both subbed and dubbed have been uploaded by people to youtube. Just search “Yuri on Ice episode __ sub/dub”–usually not full quality, and not official, so I’d only go with YouTube if you can’t use the US ones.

MOST AWESOME OPTION–FAN-MADE DUB/SUB COMBO. @lee-luca made an amazing combination of the english dub and sub for one with Japanese when people are speaking in Japanese and English when they’re not (look, there’s no good Russian dub yet. But she’s said MAYBE IN THE FUTURE THERE WILL BE RUSSIAN TOO AND I AM EXCITE). Plus, you get Chris’ hilarious dub voice, while retaining a lot of the great Japanese voice acting. I linked to the a03 post above, but you can also go direct to the videos on dailymotion. Advantages: You can immediately tell when the non-Japanese speakers actually know what’s being said! Works for non-US based people. Disadvantages: Not officially licensed.

Personally, I’d probably watch the crunchyroll subs if you’re in the USand then @lee-luca‘s amazing combined English and Japanese version. But I might over do things. ;)

[shhhhsh]

About Tim’s New Story….

I just really hope they address Tim’s mental health. Like, DC just been ditching really good plot lines in favor of being “woke” or pandering. Just look at all the live action shows.

Now I’m not saying they can’t make Tim queer/bi/gay, but (as someone pointed out to me) Tim’s previous story writer was bi and he still chose to write Tim as straight & in a healthy romantic relationship with Stephanie Brown. I’ve seen several people who identify as queer/bi say that to have Tim go “ ooooh I’ve fooled myself into thinking I was straight, but now I’m freeeee” sends the message that Tim’s previous relationship failed b/c he was with a woman and not because of Tim’s poor mental and emotional health.

To go back to my previous statement; by him not writing Tim as bi tells me that he didn’t want or care for Tim to be bi, but instead saw Tim as, or preferred him to be, straight. The writer had free control to write Tim how ever he wanted and yet he chose to keep Tim straight. And he actually liked & wanted Tim/Steph. Again, I’m not saying Tim can’t be queer/bi, I’m just saying I find the motivations for this possible change very fishy. Almost as if the new writer is trying to get brownie points for pandering to a portion of the fans.

I think this way b/c in every other media where a character is revealed to be LGBTQ they just did it. They didn’t beat around the bush or do any queer coding/baiting. They either announced it, just made the character that way right out the gate, or just dropped the bomb w/out warning (as seen in Netflix’s Voltron, Amazon Prime’s Invincible, and Nickelodeon’s Legend of Korra respectfully).

DC currently has a bad habit changing things to be “woke” and bragging about it or shoving it in our faces. DC is becoming the “pick me girl” of superhero media. If you want to do it, just do it. Again I just get the “look at me, look at me” & “carrot on the stick” vibes from them now. If you truly feel in your heart to do something you would just do it without the need for recognition or to be so dramatic about it.

Now what I much rather see & think it’s a natural progression for Tim:

I personally believe that if Jason, Dick, & Damian can get a story that attempts to give them character development beyond romantic relationships (romance was more of a B-plot to the character driven A-plot anyway) I think they can give it to Tim as well.

I know that the Bat-Family all struggle with some form of mental health problems (most commonly paranoia and PTSD). However, I would like to point out that trauma is was what brought the others into the vigilante lifestyle, while Tim & Barbara became traumatized because of the vigilante lifestyle. Yet, Barbara was shown overcoming her trauma and using it as motivation to get better. Tim is yet to have this moment.

We all know that Tim struggles with depression, self-esteem, and suicidal tendencies. I mean heck, him becoming Red Robin only happens because of Tim’s degrading mental health. I hate to say it, but Tim is very psychologically broken and has been show to get so depressed that he can’t even get out of bed some times. To my knowledge, Tim is the only one in the Bat-Fam that struggles in his head with the idea of not being needed, useful, or forgotten when in reality that is furthest from the truth (Steph, Jason, & Damian also feel like the black sheep periodically, but that is because they have been presented with real evidence that would lead them to logically believe this. I.e being actually forgotten or dismissed for past mistakes despite great efforts to better themselves).

While yes, Dick did Tim dirty by replacing him without having a proper conversation first, the motivation was because he saw Tim as his equal and not Damian. He thought highly of Tim, but Tim couldn’t see that over his offense. Tim is so beat down by life that he see’s everything with negative lenses. Everyone came to check on Tim’s mental health but Tim took it as an insult instead.

And even though now Tim has reached some form of “peace” in his life, that only happens because the people he lost came back (Bruce, Conner, Bart, Cassie, etc). Tim never fully learned to handle grief, to handle his emotions, instead he represses them. Again in the Red Robin run, the main reason he doesn’t believe in any form of God is because he can’t logically justify the pain he has gone through. He is hurting and doesn’t know how to deal with that. In his original Robin run, when he tried talking someone out of committing suicide……the words and comfort he gave….that wasn’t something that was just inside Tim, this is something that was told to Tim. This is followed by him calling Dick to get the same pep-talk he just regurgitated to someone else.

In short: Tim is hurting. Deeply. And having been someone who’s emotional & mental sanity was pushed to the brink and attempted to jump off several times, I think it’s really sad that DC just ignores it. Now as someone who’s gotten the help they needed & now helps other people who struggle with the same issues as myself & Tim, I think that they’re going to say a lot of Tim’s problems come from him not being “aware” of his own sexuality, which is just sad.

In the story in question, Barbara talks about Tim not having a solid identity. People are more than their sexuality. People are capable of making future decisions for themselves without it hindering on their sexuality. If Tim was real, I would brake down his struggle as so:

Tim refuses to go to college and do something more with his life because he cannot see anything beyond his current circumstance. And the only reason why Tim cannot see anything beyond his circumstance is because he has no internal sense of purpose, identity, and acceptance beyond the cape & cowl. And when Tim finally found that in being Robin, Tim held onto it as a lifeline. There’s a reason why everyone says Tim is basically Bruce 2.0: it’s because he is Robin/Red Robin/Drake & Tim is the mask. At a young age, he did not grow up having these things instilled into him due to his parents neglecting him at a very important age in his development. Tim raised himself, and for a lack of better terms; an idiot cannot teach themselves to be smarter, an idiot becomes smarter by learning from the intelligent. A child can’t teach themselves to be an adult, they have to learn from others to grow & better themselves.

Now a parent doesn’t necessarily have to sit down and give a lesson about how to be an individual, but children learn how to live life by watching their parents. A good example of this is the rest of the Bat-Fam; they all grew up with some form of parental figures that taught them how to behave (for better or worse). Of course children have their own personalities, which is why two kids can go through the same type of trauma but come out differently, but it is a battle of nature vs nurture. Steph, Jason, Cass, & Damian grew up in abusive/unstable homes, while Dick, Barbara, & Bruce grew up in loving homes, but their personalities & character dictated how they responded to trauma. They took what life gave them and decided what to leave or take.

Tim had nothing to work with & is basically playing catch-up with the rest of his peers.

In a weird sense, Tim is like Zuko from The Last Airbender: only living to serve their father’s purpose. Anything outside of that they don’t know what to do. They’ve been trained to be something externally without been given a chance to figure out who they are internally.

Again you are not your sexuality, your sexuality does not determine who you are as a person. When a person struggles through life, it is due to the conditions of thier soul. Everything starts internally and shows it’s self externally.

I want to make that very clear because I am truly scared that in DC’s attempt to claim “clout” they are missing the bigger picture. Tim doesn’t have identity problems simply because he “doesn’t know” he likes boys, but because DC never gave him is own identity to begin with. Robin was never his own identity, Red Robin was never his, & Drake was his first attempt to make his own but he quickly gave it up so that he can be Robin once again. What is Tim going to do once Damian gets back? Is Damian going to get his own identity before Tim? Or is Tim just going to go back to one of his old identities?

I would like for Tim to personally move on from being a vigilante and rejoin civilian society for a while. Go to college, do something for himself and only for himself. Give Tim the self-discovery story, let him heal, and grown to be his own person. Besides you can never have a functional romantic relationship if you are not a functional individual. Self love > romantic love.

[blackberry-gingham]

the beatles with an autistic reader who’s self-conscious abt their stims? 👉👈👉👈👉👈

Aw, this pure 🥺

It's always nice when you guys send in asks like this, I love learn a bit about topics idk much about so I can get both more informed on it and write better content too! So yeah, thank you! 🤗

George

You’ve been dating George for a little now, but today is the first time you’ve really stimmed in front of him

The two of you are relaxing in his flat, watching some telly on the couch

Why does this have to happen now?

You feel nervous, and you’re trying to hide it

But you can’t help it!

You just keep itching then rubbing around your neck

However, you’re doing a better job at being subtle then you think

When George catches on, he thinks you’re just trying to ask for some affection!

So, George being George, he pulls you in for a snuggle

Of course that just excites you more though, and that’s when George gets a little confused

“Are you alright love?”

You figure you have to tell him eventually...

So you quietly explain your stims and all that to him

George feels a little bad for not knowing, or at least not asking first before exciting you like that!

He apologizes, but other then that he doesn’t make a big deal out of it

Just as long as you’re alright, that’s all that matters to him!

George asks if there’s anything he can do for you first though

If you’d like, you two can still cuddle and while you stim!

And if you’d like to rub or itch him a little instead, he’d be totally ok with that

In fact, if you can be gentle! he might even like it :)

John

Now John (or at the very least, my John), is really into mental health and understanding different illnesses and disabilities!

He’s very up front with his issues with anxiety and eating disorders, as well as the fact that he’s been getting the treatment he needs for them

So if, for any reason, you feel shy about being autistic and all that, being with John and hearing him be so open and accepting makes you feel comfortable enough to tell him everything up front

And of course, he totally understands!

He asks you for a little more information, if you can, like your triggers and stims so he knows how to be mindful and helpful to you

That takes you aback for sure

See, you’re actually quite self conscious about your stims...

So having someone be so chill about it is both surprising and comforting to you!

Still, you’re a little nervous to tell him, but John assures you that you have no need to be embarrassed, it’s just natural for you!

You’re starting to think you like this guy, lol

You do manage to tell him in the end, and John makes a mental note of all the information you share

Of course, he never stops trying to learn about autism and stims after this conversation though

You’re very important to him after all!

So any time you do have to stim, it’s totally normal between the two of you!

If you’d like, John can help you co-regulate yourself so you can calm down should you be feeling too overwhelmed 

But, if you’re fine, then no big deal!

Oh, and one more thing...

You can bet that John would be super protective of you if you need to stim in public!

Anyone rude enough that has something to say or even just a weird look, has to deal with John lol

Per your request, he won’t make a big scene or anything, but he for sure has, can, and will, tell certain people off if he has to

Paul

Personally, I feel like Paul would be the one to be the most like... cautious?? I guess, when addressing your stims

Like whichever your stims are, it’s not that he’s bothered or anything!

He’s just not sure what’s going on

It’s like, he doesn’t want to bother you incase if this is a sensitive topic for you

But at the same time, what if there’s something he could be doing to help you! More importantly, do you even need or want his help?

These are some very important questions to Paul, so he makes sure to breach the topic gently and respectfully

You feel kind nervous to tell him about your stims, maybe even a little embarrassed

But, you explain that you’re just stimming and it’s a part of your autism

And Paul feels relived to hear it!

Well, first he wants to make sure that it’s not like a problem for you and if you want him to do something when you stim

You tell him that sometimes it’s a bother, but generally you can handle it yourself unless you specify otherwise

Then he feels relieved!

As a perfectionist, I could see Paul also making it his mission to try and learn more about autism and stims

He just wants to understand you better so he can be helpful and informed on whatever you may need

From then on, honestly things don’t change too much

You still have your stims and Paul acts totally normal when they happen

Except now, you don’t feel as much a need to hide them!

And Paul feels a little more at ease knowing you’re ok and, more importantly, that you trust him to help you if you want it!

All you have to do is ask <3

Ringo

Honestly, I think Ringo would be in the same boat as George

Like he’s kind of ignorant on the subject of stims, but it’s like an innocent ignorance if that makes sense ???

I guess what I’m trying to say is he doesn’t think your stims are weird or that you’re weird or whatever, he just thinks you simply have your own way of expressing certain feelings!

Which I mean, you do, lol

He just doesn’t know that you’re actually just stimming!

Like, if you’re the type to be all energetic, like flapping, bouncing, or just jumping around, then Ringo assumes you’re just having some fun!

I mean... Anyone who’s seen A Hard Day’s Night, or even just some clips of him performing lol, knows what Ringo’s idea of dancing/having fun is

If anything, I feel like he’d just join in and jump around with you rather then, idk, assume something else is going on

Now if you’re stimming bc you’re in a good mood, you guys could just jam out for a while until you get it all out!

But, if that’s not the case, I’m sure you’d  be like, uuuuuhm ????

To which, once you explain, Ringo would feel really bad!!

He genuinely thought you were just enjoying yourself, he doesn’t want you to feel like he was mocking you or something!

You might have to reassure him that you're not offended tbh, after all, that was far from his intentions

Moving on tho, he'd definitely like to know more about your stims!

He doesn't think it's strange really, he just wants to know how he can better interact with you while you're stimming

Like, would you like to be left alone? Do you want him to be with you while you stim?

Or if you just really don't care, he's more then happy to jam out with you!

After all, if stimming makes you feel shy or embarrassed, Ringo wants to make it feel as normalized as possible for you!

Although, from now on he's sure to try and get a little more educated about your stims :)

[sepublic]

Gus meeting the Blight Twins!

           With regards to recent developments with characters and whatnot… I think it’d be interesting to see Gus interact with Emira and Edric. Gus is someone who is proudly a dweebus, like his father Perry before him, and so on and so forth; He mentions a ‘long’ line of dweebuses to Eda, after all! So there’s this shared concept of a family lineage that one ‘lives up to’, or at least carries out… Although given how well-adjusted Gus is compared to the Blight kids, obviously Perry was far more lenient about it than Odalia and Alador, and Gus’ interest in being a nerd was something genuine that came from a legitimate appreciation of his dad!

           Meanwhile, Emira and Edric clearly make fun of the idea of being a nerd, although they don’t seem maliciously against it, nor do they seem like people who’d insist on bullying someone else… The exception of course is Amity, but they still DO care for her as their little sister. Plus, there may have been concerns about what Amity’s dedication to schoolwork was doing for her mental health, how a lot of that may have come from the expectations of their parents… And so it can make it difficult to discern where Amity legit enjoys learning, and where she’s doing this for Odalia and Alador.

          That could lead to maybe the Blight Twins infantilizing Amity, believing they ‘know’ her better than others, and wanting Amity to get away from being a nerd and teasing her about it… When in reality, like Amity herself probably, they don’t realize the distinction between learning, and school itself as a system, particularly under Belos’ rule. Regardless, after seeing what when on with Mittens, and their concern for her amidst it (even if they didn’t handle this concern very productively despite likely meaning to)… I have to wonder how this could apply to Gus?

          I can see the Blight Twins getting to know Gus, they think he’s a cute little kid, and like everybody else, they adopt him as a little brother! Gus eats it all up, he’s a kid who likes the attention of course. No doubt, Emira and Edric are inspired by Gus’ skill with illusions, likely seeing him as capable of being better than even them, and encourage it! Gus, of course, is flattered and feels better about himself.

           It’d be cute to see Ed and Em give Gus a few pointers on Illusions… Maybe receiving a lesson or two from him, because even if they don’t like school or learning, they’d at least enjoy the pragmatic effects of illusions in pulling off pranks and their little rebellions! However, I can also see them maybe looking down on Gus as being even younger to them than Amity is… Without meaning to, they might accidentally contribute to Gus’ feelings of being overlooked. Especially since Emira and Edric might try to encourage Gus to join in on their mischief, or ‘misuse’ his lessons to pull off pranks…

           Gus could feel a bit conflicted. But on the other hand, he HAS gone through growth, and Perry was clearly a much more supporting parent than Odalia and Alador. I can see Gus vouching for himself, refusing to participate in anything… And worst-case scenario, Emira and Edric wonder why he’s being so stuck-up, but otherwise they respect the kid’s decisions, and don’t try to force him in! They didn’t hold any grudges against Luz for going against their plan to post Amity’s diary entries, after all. Maybe Gus enjoys the role of being a teacher, but also feels obligated to do more than just provide academic lessons, but emotional ones as well…

           Either through Luz, through his observations of Amity’s crippling self-loathing, and/or hearing down the grapevine… Gus realizes that Emira and Edric aren’t doing so well! Maybe he tries to ‘set them on the right track’, or at least try to provide some form of therapy… He probably feels bad because Odalia and Alador are utter trash, whilst current evidence points towards Perry being one of the best parents this show has to offer!

           And while I can see Ed and Em being touched and flattered by the gesture, maybe they’re also put off by it as well, because Gus is WAY too young to be telling them what to do… But like with Luz, they hold no grudges and mostly just appreciate the sentiment, at least. Maybe this contributes to Gus feeling like he’s not listened to, and maybe some genuine concern for Ed and Em as yet another addition to his collection of surrogate older siblings… I can also see Gus getting in over his head, thinking he really DOES know best, and perhaps intruding on some boundaries!

           Which, this could lead to Emira and Edric maybe getting a bit more hostile, if they see similarities to Amity because of this… And then they might realize that hey, Gus IS a lot like Mittens, in a sense! They’re both young, child prodigies who do incredibly well, they speak of a family lineage they’re proud of and apparently feel obligated to carry out… Amity is aiming for the Emperor’s Coven, but even SHE hasn’t ascended a few grades like Gus has! Which could lead to some concern for Gus, that maybe Perry is pressuring him, maybe imposing the ‘Porter’ legacy onto the kid…

           And while Gus DOES have some insecurities here or there, of being younger than the rest in his grade- I’m pretty sure he’s ultimately happy with the decision, and it’s something he agreed to alongside Perry! I say this because he’s clearly more happy and confident in himself than most of the cast, really, and if he DID have an issue with being above his grade… Like with Willow, the kid probably would’ve had this addressed and changed. I think it’s more than likely that Gus actually enjoys learning a lot, and he DOES appreciate ascending a few grades- He really seems to enjoy Illusions! It’s just that as a kid, and because of his unusual situation, he’s entitled to some insecurity here or there, but in the end, he doesn’t regret his decision; Just as Eda may have suffered from loneliness as a Wild Witch, but she DID choose this, she’d never change her mind to become a covenscout, and maybe her sister Lilith needs to acknowledge this!

           Which, if Emira and Edric also act as (surrogate) older siblings, like Lilith was to Eda… Then maybe they’ll have to learn to recognize Gus’ own decision and autonomy when it came to passing a few grades. Or at the very least, they first try to do things for Gus’ ‘own good’ like they did with Amity… Perhaps they misread the situation Gus has with Perry, maybe they project some of their own experiences, and accidentally try to vicariously live out another rebellion against parents through Gus…

           Either way, they try to get Gus to rebel, to care less for his grades, to not listen to Perry, etc. And while Gus may at least learn to voice a thing or two with Perry (assuming he hasn’t already), it could lead to an artificial rift between father and son. Gus might feel uncomfortable, but he also recognizes that Ed, Em, and Amity WERE abused, so maybe they DO know better what his situation at home is actually like…

           Spoiler alert, Emira and Edric have no idea! And while they mean well, this could lead to them trying the same tactics as they did with Amity, towards Gus… Again, encouraging him not to be a ‘rule-follower’, unintentionally belittling him and encouraging Gus to listen to them! Maybe not- Emira and Edric MAY have learned their lesson with Amity by now, but it’s not out of the question for them to occasionally, accidentally, relapse into old habits. Abuse and toxicity are hard to unlearn, man.

           Maybe Emira and Edric even convince Gus to move back down to a lower grade! But in the end, Gus isn’t happy with this, he feels his intellectual needs aren’t being meant and his mind isn’t stimulated enough- He misses being back at his older grade level! Emira and Edric might try to dismiss this, that this is for his own good… But in the end, Gus has a lot of self-respect. He’s not Amity, nor Willow… He’s a lot more like Luz in that regard. He WILL eventually have to vouch for himself, and/or Emira and Edric will notice how uncomfortable he is before that has to happen.

           In the end, Ed and Em realize that they’ve been mistakenly projecting their own insecurities onto Gus, and that they’ve screwed him over like they did Mittens, assuming they know the best; When in reality they don’t! This could lead to a crisis for the two, doubting their own judgment in anything… And Gus reassures the Twins that while they’re not perfect, they DID make progress against Odalia and Alador, and at least they’re trying! And then Gus says he’s proud of them, as a teacher, and as a ‘little brother’ to them in a sense… And Emira and Edric remember that even though Gus is a little kid, he knows a lot and has a lot of advice to offer- So they accept this, and they accept Gus’ autonomy and decision.

          When Gus refers to being a part of a ‘long line of dweebuses’, he takes pride because his relationship with Perry is likely pretty good, and he genuinely looks up to his father and admires him because of this… And Gus WANTS to be a dweebus, because it’s something to be proud of; Knowing who you are and sticking with it! It’s Perry making Gus self-confident, that causes the kid to take pride in the Porter legacy, so to speak…

           I can see some apologies being made, especially if Gus may have gone overboard himself, here or there- Maybe to the same extent as Ed and Em, maybe not. Either way, I can see Emira and Edric trying to leave Gus alone, for fear that they’ll just mess him up like they did Amity… And either Gus respectfully gives the two time to figure themselves out, and/or he once again reassures them! And Emira and Edric are baffled at how precocious this kid is, but are also impressed, while recognizing that Gus is still a kid by the end of the day and needs emotional support, just as much as anyone else, just as much as Mittens…!

           And, I can see this leading to Emira and Edric better understanding Amity, and treating her with more love and respect; Especially now that they know that her situation is certifiably worse than Gus’. Obviously I can’t compare insecurities and act like Gus’ are lesser than Amity’s, his feelings are still valid… But let’s be real, Odalia and Alador are objectively worse than Perry! Either way, Gus DOES pass on a lot of wisdom to the twins, and ends up improving the Blight siblings’ relationship without even meaning to! Way to go, kid.

[afoolforatook]

On fandom and tragic romance tropes, from someone who's lived it.

Okay, this is kind of…. Idk a very specific vent and tbh one I feel kinda bad about because I genuinely don’t want to make people feel bad for liking reading/writing romantic angst or tragedy and it’s really less of an individual issue than an overall attitude in fandom.

Like, it’s absolutely okay to like not happy endings, and angst doesn’t have to just be for cathartic relief. Angst isn’t only acceptable if it’s to process trauma, you’re allowed to like it just because that’s your taste.

But at the same time…. I can’t help but have very personal feelings about how a lot of fandom spaces treat tragic romance tropes…

(this got really long but... it's something I've wanted to address for a long time)

I'm far from secretive with the fact that when I was 20, my girlfriend Emma (19) was killed in a car crash, along with her younger brother, mother, and aunt, and that a lot of my art and writing is purposefully about processing and accepting that grief. Fandom has been a very important part of how I’ve gotten through the last five years, which I’ll get into a bit more in a minute, but tbh it’s also been a lot harder navigating fandom and especially anything ship-related since Emma died, because of how people tend to romanticize a character tragically losing a partner.

And honestly, it’s not just fandom, it’s media in general. And mainstream media focus on tragic sob stories, shock factor, and BYG tropes is definitely a big part of the problem.

But as much as fandom pushes against mainstream overuse of such tropes, there is a good portion of fandom that falls into the same type of issue. And not just ‘fandom’ in the usual sense, but literary communities, poetry, etc…

The amount of times I see stories or prompts about characters tragically losing their partner, and that being the climax of the story, and then next to nothing about that character actually navigating their grief or being able to eventually start a new relationship or just be happy is just…. It makes me feel physically ill.

Like, people saying how tragic love stories are more interesting than happy endings. Or seeing a post about tragic pairing prompts and people saying things like ‘or they think it's unrequited but then A dies and B finds a letter confessing and they really loved each other but now it's too late’ and more people being like ‘YES YOU GET IT THAT'S THE GOOD STUFF’

Just… really, honestly. It's okay to like angst, even really tragic angst. I’m not trying to guilt anyone out of that.

I just….. Most of the time people just talk about it like ‘oh yeah I love some of that good tragic love story shit’ and the stories focus on the build-up and the shock/trauma of the death as it happens and then the excruciating reaction of the survivor and then maybe a time jump to show them happy again.

But very rarely do people take the time to actually handle the grief. People like the good cry of a character mourning their partner, but the vast majority of creators and fans rush through or skip over everything after the initial drama and aftermath. The ‘tragedy’ is the only part they focus on, and then the story ends and they move on.

And like. Shit. I liked that stuff too, I wrote some of it, years ago. And I’m not saying you can’t ever just leave it there, or that if you want to write tragic romance you always have to explore all the long-term emotional consequences.

But try to have it in mind, to consider what message countless grief narratives that end after the funeral, or maybe a few weeks or months later, teach people about real-life grief. This goes for any kind of grief narrative, but the one I see most, the one I used to ‘enjoy’ most myself, is romantic.

But, after having actually lived it? And knowing I'll have to live the rest of my life as the part of the story that usually isn’t told? It turns my stomach the way it’s often handled.

Like seeing people gush about how angsty a fic/idea is, and ‘OH MY GOD SO SAD CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW TRAGIC HOW DARE YOU. I LOVE SEEING/PUTTING THEM THROUGH SO MUCH PAIN’ gets a bit uncomfortable.

Not because there’s something inherently wrong with ever reacting like that, but because most often I can turn around and have the same people not know how to react when I tell them about Emma, not know how to handle the same grief they were just gushing over in fiction, when it’s real.

Grief is isolating enough on its own, but then it just doesn’t feel great when the worst thing to ever happen to you is a huge trope that people gush over, while very rarely fleshing out the actual reality of what it feels like to go through that or how to respond to someone actually dealing with grief, and eventually having to deal with your own grief.

Tbh it’s why I really just kinda have an aversion to the word ‘angst’ in general, and don’t really like to refer to my own writing as angst, even though I know plenty of people might think of it as such. So much of fandom's handling of ‘angst’ has come to feel like voyeuristic tourism of the grief I deal with every day, and will for the rest of my life.

Just, I know people are always going to like tragic angsty romance, and that’s fine, and honestly, it's not even an issue of individuals, but of how fandom in general treats it.

And again, I really don’t want to make anyone feel bad for liking it, and it has its purposes. And even when it’s not for catharsis, it's okay to just like sad stories just because.

I just… I wish more people would keep in mind that it’s not just a tearjerker story trope. People really go through this. And they then often end up feeling very isolated because people around them don't know how to react to their grief, because their grief makes things awkward and a mood killer.

Like, if you love this kind of angst (and not because you personally relate to it or find it cathartic, but just because, just for fun) but then feel awkward around people talking about their real-life grief, maybe spend some time with that, and think about the topic as a real-world trauma and not just a dramatic story trope. (this doesn’t just go for grief. Any kind of trauma you don’t personally deal with, if you love reading/writing it but avoid actually listening to people talking about their real-life experiences with it, think about why that is.)

I just hate seeing loss and initial dramatic grief responses being this shock factor/tearjerker trope, without ever really seriously addressing long-term grief. Especially when it doesn't even do a time jump or anything, and just ends on the surviving character being forever destroyed; when it focuses on the idea of how sad it is for your favorite character to have to spend the rest of their life alone.

And that’s not even folding in any kind of BYG/queer tragedy tropes in canon or fandom spaces.

And like… on a much more individual, less practical point, I just… there’s nothing wrong with angst but honestly (and especially for characters whose canon is in no way tragic) every time I see it I just want to scream WHY…. Why do that to them!? I’m not saying you have to stop, or that you’re not allowed to write trauma you don’t deal with personally. But I will never not cringe a bit at the ‘painful enjoyment’ of a character going through the traumatic loss of a partner. And it’s a sentiment I don’t really see people being okay with in regards to any other kind of trauma.

I don’t have actual numbers, but it sure feels like fandom treats stories about romantic grief very differently than most other traumas. Other trauma, even other kinds of grief, like a close friend or a sibling or parent, etc. tend to at least try to touch on a theme of recovery, or that the emotional turmoil being covered isn’t just a fun angsty trope to spend a little time in and then move on. And of course, this isn’t universal and plenty of people don’t handle these other traumas respectfully or as anything more than dramatic fuel, but this is the trend I’ve personally seen in over 10 years of tumblr fandom. And to that point, even when traumas aren’t respectfully handled I’ve at least seen people try to bring attention to that, with posts about how to respectfully handle disability or addiction or mental health or abuse. I can’t remember off the top of my head a single post like that about grief, let alone specifically romantic grief. It seems to be commonly accepted that while most kinds of trauma can be explored, but still handled respectfully, the death of a partner can just be done for the Drama. People tend to try to learn about abuse or addiction experiences before attempting big angsty stories addressing that. But doomed romance and a grief-stricken lover (it feels like, in my experience) are much more likely to happen on a whim.

Generally, it feels like other kinds of trauma, while still part of ‘angst’ also keeps a sense of awareness of how that narrative reflects real people’s experiences. It’s not just heavy because it’s big dramatic fictional angst, but because it’s grounded in real-life trauma that everyday people who come across it might relate to. Like... I just feel like a lot of fandom spaces treat ‘major character death’ and tragic romantic trope tags as just filters, like they’re needed because ‘not everyone likes angst, it’s just not their thing’ without really acknowledging that it’s a real trauma that everyday people deal with, where (again, often, but of course far from always, and certainly not in mainstream) other tws and tags like assault or substance abuse, people understand that people they interact with might really deal with those issues and they try to not just use them as dramatic fodder and to portray them respectfully.

But grief, especially romantic grief, seems different. The number of people who will come across a fic or edit or piece of art about a tragic love story, and will have had that personal experience of losing a partner, is much lower than people with real experiences with abuse, or addiction, or mental illness. That’s not a bad thing. I wish none of you ever have to know what that feels like.

But because of that, tragic romance ends up seeming like this distant thing. Like it’s only in dramatic tv shows or movies or literature, or lives solely in angsty fandom spaces as a way to get out a good cry. It seems grand and Tragic, off in its own world of dramatic emotional story tropes.

It’s solely pretty dark edits put to song lyrics, or striking art, or beautifully written prose that rips your heart out. It’s Tragic Romance.

And there’s nothing wrong with that inherently. But for many people, it seems like that is what it becomes: fiction. An angsty trope.

I genuinely hope that’s all it ever is for all of you. I wish I could ensure that that good angsty hurt will only ever be a trope you visit when you need a good cry.

But it’s not just fiction.

It's not just angst for sake of drama or fun or poetic storytelling. It’s not grand or romantic or beautifully tragic.

It’s unbearable. It’s physical pain.

That’s not exaggeration or metaphor. It sneaks up on me out of nowhere and it literally feels like someone is crushing my chest. I’ve nearly broken my hand punching a wall because I needed to make something hurt more than this thing in my chest that isn’t even actually there but it hurts so much.

Tbf I think a lot of my attitude towards this really stems more from fandom trends from when I was younger, and I think a lot more people actually try to flesh out grief more these days. But I just remember so much tragic romantic fic and fandom love from when I was a teenager that didn’t go deeper than ‘look how heartbreaking this is it’s so sad, I wanna make everybody read it and cry and it’s just fun and a story, oh my god I couldn't live with that’

no, of course I don't have a few specific old fics or posts from like superwholock days in mind, that I used to gush over too, and now just the idea of makes me feel actually sick

Idk… like I said. I don't at all want to make anyone feel bad for liking that type of angst, and I feel kind of bad for criticizing it. It just…

It hurts seeing basically your exact situation on angsty prompt lists with people gushing about how good it hurts. Especially when the same people would be (and have been) deer in headlights when they find out you’ve lived the same thing. (Again, this goes for any kind of trauma trope, but most others I’ve seen at least some kind of discussion about before)

Just please, try to be mindful of not just how you write stories about grief, but how you talk about death angst in general. (again, certainly not everyone, but more and more) People know to not just romanticize abuse trauma or addictions or mental illness, and to research, and ask for advice to try to be respectful.

And it’s much more common for someone in fandom spaces, in their teens or 20s or 30s to deal with those sorts of trauma than having experienced losing a partner.

But we exist. And while there is plenty of media out there showing tragic young romance, there is very little (in my experience, after nearly five years of desperately looking) real-world acknowledgment and support, or proof that you’ll be able to survive that kind of loss and still be happy, and even less so if they’re queer.

In a couple of months, it will have been five years since Emma’s death. From day one I have not been private about my loss, whenever possible.

And in five years of saying “When I was 20 my girlfriend died.” to new friends, classmates, potential dates, fandom spaces, therapists, grief support forums, etc… do you know how many other people have told me that they also lost a partner as a young adult, whether queer or straight, by accident or suicide or illness?

Zero.

No one. I’ve had people say how they lost a best friend or a sibling or a parent. And those losses, those kinds of grief are certainly not any less traumatic than the loss of a partner. But even in real life, they’re different. Losing a partner, especially at a very young age when it’s likely your main romantic experience, has different emotional effects, and can be harder to find people who directly relate.

Five years. Zero people dealing with the specific facets of grief as me.

The ONLY times I have ever heard about stories like mine in real life are either the rare article or essay or celebrity story, of which I can probably easily count on two hands.

All the other representation I’ve found is in mainstream fiction and fandom.

And of those stories, those fics, that art, the vast majority have had the partner die in the last half, probably closer to the 75% mark, of the story or arc.

If I’m lucky, that last 25% will focus on the immediate aftermath and grief (especially in fic, while a lot of media might give you a few scenes, and then move on to other character arcs).

If I’m really lucky they’ll show some kind of time jump, to say ‘see, they’re still haunted by their lost love but they’ve tried to move on or can pretend to be happy’.

And so much fandom reception is centered around ‘it’s soooooo SADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD MY POOR HEART IT HURTS SO GOOD. LOVE ME SOME ANGST’, or romanticizing the idea of being unable to live without them, and if they can, it’s often never really putting focus on all the pain it took to process their grief.

Again, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with this individually, or that you shouldn’t gush and scream over fic or art or prompts that hook you because of angst. But it adds up really quickly, especially when, even when getting good genuine support from people, you still see no one else actually living with that feeling like you. The only place you find it is stories, and then you see people mostly excited over just how beautifully sad it is.

And that just feels… I can’t explain it honestly.

Just, think about how you react to or talk about fic or prompts or art about a character crying over their partner’s body, or attending their funeral, and think about whether you’d feel appropriate doing the same if instead, they were dealing with abuse, or addiction, or self-harm.

Again, that’s not to say you can’t ever gush or key smash or such, but is it all you do?

You don’t have to stop enjoying angst and tragic romance. But think about how I just said that.

Enjoy.

Do you only ever act like you ‘Enjoy’ it (and yes, this includes the ‘I’m such a masochist I just love to cry over them, it’s emotional release that doesn’t trigger me’ reaction), and romanticize it?

It’s fine to, sometimes. But do you also appreciate it, and try to understand the real-world weight of it? Do you know what you’d say to a friend if they told you they’d lost a partner?

That ‘love me some good angst’, Dramatic grief, being the main fandom attitude doesn’t just hurt me or others who have lost people close to them, partners or not.

A big part of fandom, and of just society, has no idea how to deal with grief, their own or others. It’s not a light conversation topic, it makes people feel awkward, or walk on eggshells around you, or tell you how they can’t possibly imagine having to go through that (btw, y'all don’t say this to people. About grief, or trauma, or disability or anything like that, just don’t. I’m begging you. And a rant about that kind of thing is for another day but... )

And then, when people inevitably face some form of major grief themselves, they feel ashamed for not handling it ‘right’.

It hurts, to try to find some acknowledgment of your grief, and only ever see stories that show just the first few weeks or months; the feeling of it never possibly being anything but constantly excruciating. Stories that end on ‘they were alone and sad and that is what their story, their love, will live on as; Tragic’. Or, that skip all the work and the doubt and the backsliding, and just show years down the road, when they’ve got a whole new life, and that grief, that love, is just a sad memory that they have ‘moved on’ from. Just a tiny trinket call back.

It feels impossible to survive, to ever be happy again, when you never see grief being treated as more than a tragic story point. And then, as you try your hardest to keep going, to process and heal, and connect to new people, while not forgetting the person you love, not letting them just become your tragic backstory, you see people gush over tragic love stories, over how romantic it is, over how characters loved each other so much they couldn’t live without them. (Thankfully a good bit of fandom seems to be pulling away from this, but it’s still common)

And, if that’s what it is to lose a partner, your soulmate… then… then how am I able to keep living? Even as painful as it is? If true love means not being able to live without the other person, does that mean I didn’t, I don’t, actually love them enough? Am I selfish for still actually wanting to live the rest of my life, even with this pain of the person I love being gone?

Would people read my, our, story and ‘enjoy’ it? Would they find this romantic? Would they scream over a prompt based on the worst event in my life, and have a good cry, and then move on, thinking how sad and beautifully tragically romantic that story would be? Would this person I love and miss more than anything, become just a Tragedy? Just an angsty sob story to gush about how wonderfully painful it was? Would it become about only my pain and heartbreak, and not about the cruelty of this other complete, unique, independent person who was robbed of their entire future?

Maybe that seems melodramatic or putting too much weight on tropes, or fandom. But remember.

Five years.

Zero real people saying ‘I’ve been there too’.

The only places I have seen my grief reflected (beyond a rare celebrity interview, or article) is in fiction, and mostly in fandom.

For over a decade I’ve seen people key smash and gush over angsty ships in fic and art, and I was one of them for a long time.

And then, when it became real life for me, all too often (not always, of course) people wouldn’t know how to handle my real grief. Even when I didn’t want to grieve, but wanted to remember all the reasons I love Emma. My real-life moments of ‘fluff’ that I cling to, become uncomfortable when they know the ‘angst’ to come.

And I don’t blame them. I’m not angry at them for not knowing what to say, for walking on eggshells. They’re not cruel for that, they’re not unsympathetic, it’s not that they just don’t try.

Because, if I’ve found so few real-world stories about this kind of grief, after looking so hard for so long, how can I expect them to have had much more luck?

If the only places I find stories about grief never focus on the reality of life after the funeral, and the process of not moving past, but learning to handle grief, then how can I expect broader fandom to know how to be comfortable around the ugly, boring, repetitive, not at all romantic parts of that grief?

Just, yes. Write, read, love your angst. But please just remember that ‘tragic love story’ happens to people, and while plenty of people might not want to read it because it’s just not their thing, or too depressing, there are those who see those dramatic prompt scenarios, and personally relate to them (I quite often say the events around Emma’s death read like a heavy-handed soap opera, or Queer Tragedy movie, and had had plenty of people agree, even before hearing all the details. And I have literally seen multiple prompts of ‘best friends secretly have feelings for each other, and then finally confess, only to get a short bit of happiness before one dies tragically’)

Write, read, love your angst, your tragic love stories, just please, be as respectful of grief (in any form, but this is mostly a shipping issue in my experience) as you would be (or should be) of other major trigger warnings. Gush and scream about the big dramatic ‘romantic’ tragedies, but don’t then ignore the raw, uncomfortable, vulnerable, cathartic explorations, or the real people dealing with real loss.

Because damn y’all, I’ve seen ‘I just love a good romantic tragedy trope, yes please rip my heart out’ said so many times, with the same tone as saying ‘That fake dating trope, that’s the good stuff’.

I’ve seen people gush over how much more interesting and beautifully cruel it is for young love to end tragically.

And I promise you. It’s not. It just fucking sucks. It’s not romantic or tragically beautiful or poignant. It’s devastating. And it goes on for so much longer than that last quarter of the story.

My grief is more than an angsty prompt. Our relationship, my love for her, is more than a dramatic sob story, more than just awkward sadness that kills the mood. Emma’s life, her memory, is more than my tragic backstory.

I want to be able to find my story in more than just fiction, I want to be able to get support from people who live with similar grief.

But I also want to see grief in fiction, in fandom, become more than a final character arc or Tragic love story; used for dramatic effect; grand and huge for a moment and then never fully processed, or mentioned again; just tragically romantic and heartbreaking and soooo good and angsty.

Grief is one of the only things we will all have to face throughout our lives.

I’m not just asking you to respect my grief or the grief of those around you. But your own future grief. I don’t want you to get there and feel like your grief is wrong, or means that you didn’t love someone ‘enough’ because it doesn’t manifest in a certain way.

Learning to accept grief; to be comfortable around raw, unpoetic, grief; to not hold up certain expressions of grief as Romantic or Poetic, but just honest, will eventually be personally useful for all of us, as much as I wish it wouldn’t.

I want my grief, everyone’s grief, to be seen, and understood, not just romanticized and dramatized.

My love story, Emma’s love story, isn’t beautifully tragic. It isn’t more interesting or poetic than a happy ending. The pain that I will carry with me for the rest of my life is not romantic.

But it is important.

[little-merry-go-round]

There’s a lot of shit that was bothering me lately and i need to get it out of my system. I understand a lot of you don’t wanna read that kind of stuff so i’m tagging discourse and putting the rest of the post under the cut. Hope it’ll work

The first thing i wanna talk about is the way Jack interact with us here on tumblr but also on reddit. Do you remember favouritism drama that happened last february? People were pointing out Jack rebloging from same people all the time, he said he doesn’t do it on purpose, things were talked out and were ok for a while. However we came back to the same place again. I wouldn’t call it necessary favouritism but idk, ignorance maybe? I payed attention who Jack rebloging from, who’s posts he see in reddit vids. Before ya’ll jump on me, i don’t blame artists or people who he interact with at all. I’m glad they post and i hope they continue. The point i’m trying to make is Jack going through most popular most of the times. I don’t know why is this. I tried to ask him, i tried to ignore it, i tried to convince myself that i’m just jealous bitch and he does care about us all still equally. It’s really hard to think that when you see over and over popular creators, who already got good amount of notes, being featured in vids/ rebloged/ interacted with. Again, i don’t blame creators at all. I just feel frustrated that smaller creators doesn’t have chance to be seen, not only by Jack but by anybody really since a lot of people avoid tag to not see tea blogs posts. And then Jack saying in videos that he’s sad creators leaving… Are you surprised? Really? It was going fo so long and nothings changing in that regard.

I remember Jack said something along the line once “it’s better to interact with few than to not interact at all”. That’s true when “few” changes constantly but if it’s same few over and over you shouldn’t be surprised when people feel like worse of a fans and leaving.

“Draw for yourself, not for Jack”. Yeah, i do. I do draw and colour and i’m being creative whenever i have time. I just don’t post that often here anymore. Don’t be hypocrite. You all posting in the tag because you want to be seen. If you wouldn’t be seen you wouldn’t post in tag or even anywhere online. It’s very easy to say “notes doesn’t matter” when you get feedback whatever you post. I don’t want him to interact with everybody. A little bit of variety wouldn’t hurt tho.

I’ll quote something he posted on tumblr early this year: “I know I reblog and interact with certain people here more than others, I don’t think it ever really occurred to me properly because I usually just fly through the tag each day and interact with stuff as I see it and what it pertains to. It’s never been on my mind to do it for some more than others or “play favourites”. Some people are just FAR more active here than others and in the tag way more often, so just by sheer number alone it would make sense that I would see their stuff more as it’s usually more current. I’m sorry if people felt left out or underappreciated as a result of that. It’s a byproduct of things rather than the intent.” First of all I don’t believe he doesn’t recognize people artstyes at this point. Secondly it’s not hard to see the same popular people if you only going through most popular posts.

Another thing that’s bothering me are charity streams. Not that Jack raising money, that’s good. I’m not that much of a bitch. I mean the way streams are handle. Jack seems often unprepared. I don’t talk about games here, but about charity itself. Shouldn’t he know more about them instead of reading what they’re doing from their website? It was especially bothering me with team trees charity because this topic is talked about a lot and it’s really not that hard to find informations about it. “Let’s plant 20mln trees and save the planet!” No hun, it can and will help but it won’t save the planet as you claim.

“You’re going on the board” pissing me off so damn much everytime. I never watch streams if i don’t feel well mentaly because of that board thing mostly. I understand that you wanna reward people somehow, i get where it came from but again, it’s so unfair. Let’s give example. There’s person A who have a good job and earn quite a lot. It’s no problem for them to save thousand or two for charity. They will go on the board for that. There’s person B, who has shitty job, or is unemployed a lot of time. They have health problems and strugling everyday. They still wanna help out and give a dollar for a charity every month. Are you familiar with a biblical story about widow from Luke chapter 21? That’s what i mean with this example. Did you notice the way Jack read donations? How pumped he is when somebody give thousand dollars or at least few hundred and how he rush through one dollar donations? Because i did. Please don’t come to me saying he’s not guilt tripping people because he does. I don’t believe he’s doing it on purpose but don’t tell me you never felt that way. I just don’t believe you.

Forced PMA. This was talked about many times. Jack said it’s not about being happy all the time. Most of the community agree, yet i constantly see PMA = no negativity mentality and Jack incourage that by liking that kind of posts. Jack used to play “serious games” and tried to take opportunities to talk about mental health and about reaching out to friends, parents and getting professional help if it’s needed. I don’t blame him for not playing that kind of games anymore but he switched from that to making meme videos, and God forbid, yelling “a meme a day keeps the depression away”. And people take it seriously. They really do. I saw with my two own eyes on jse discord that somebody said they have depression and they don’t feel too well and another person replied with - go watch some MEMES because a meme a day keeps the depression away hehe. What is this??? Is it really the message you wanna send? Just google those memes. They’re disgusting.

Tea blogs. Again, are you surpriced they’re there? Are you surpriced that when one get deleted another two or three appear? I’m not at all. Because everytime someone try to voice their opinion respectfully (especially more popular people in community) they get anons saying things from “that’s not very pma of you”, “You’re just jealous”, “Jack would be disappointed”, “Jack doesn’t want you here”, “If you don’t like him then leave” to “go kill yourself”. Nobody want to get such lovely message. To avoid that they’re going to tea blogs. Sure, there is a lot of hate there too. Sure, there are people who just wanna talk shit and spread lies. But there are also issues like the ones i wrote above. They won’t disappear if we won’t talk about them. I do care about Jack. I really do. I want him to do well and i want have good time watching his vids. i wanna interact with people who i met in this community. That’s why i’m writing it all, because i believe we’re better than that. I wanna see us improve not go down.

I really like what Jack tweeted and deleted  "We all need love & support in life but also need someone to call us on our shit now and then. Don’t surround yourself with just “yes” people".

[rabbiteartrans]

I would LOVE to hear what you think of Thomas MacLaine!! I've been so curious to see what trans women think about him since I'm not one but love the character

👀👀👀 owo

💥💥 BIG JUICY DEADLY PREMONITION SPOILERS AHEAD (just in case) 💥💥

Well! A lot of people talk about how having the only (heavily implied) trans rep be a villain - which is revealed at the same time - kinda sucks, and I do agree with that! However. I was expecting F A R worse than what was given.

For instance: there was no big disgust moment at the revelation, a la The Crying Game or Ace Ventura. It's only ever just briefly, and respectfully, acknowledged by York when he's tied up talking to Thomas.

And even up to and especially AFTER his death, he is treated pretty respectfully in terms of his trans identity. Outside of that, his twist really is just the standard Jealous Overly-Devoted Lover trope. He was just as much a victim of George's manipulation and intimidation as the others - hence why he appears in the Forest with everyone else, presented just as beautifully and serene as the others, never predatory, never freakish.

The closest we get to that sort of demonisation is during his boss battle with Emily, where he.. well, his mental health seems to crack as his jealousy and obsession over George overtake him. But really? That's not anything like.. directed at Thomas at all. Hell, shortly after, Carol tries to do the exact same to Emily before she dies. Personally, I'd attribute it to the effects of the red seeds amplifying Thomas's dependency on George like an addiction, and simultaneously withering away at his mental health.

I've also heard some complaints at how visceral, brutal, over-the-top Thomas's death is? But like... is it really any more intense than EVERY OTHER death in the game? :/ I dont think so.

And finally, like... SWERY65 may not be the best at handling trans issues, not the most educated on the subject, but as shown in his other games (specifically The Missing which is ALL ABOUT supporting trans women), he does try his best to show trans people in a respectful, sympathetic light with what he does know.

Of course, I'm not exactly the smartest or most educated when it comes to harmful subtext and representation in media either - I just dont have the capability to read into things that deeply. Smarter trans women than me could probably rebuke everything I've said here with ease, but... eh.

I still really love Thomas's character and I really appreciate how he was represented overall. After the twist reveal I was really really fucking scared the other show would drop and Thomas would be treated awful in terms of his identity but.. that drop never came for me, and Thomas has in fact become another big comfort character for me because of it!! God I wish there was more art/fic of him 💕💕💕💕💕 (and of DP in general but mostly him)

Anyhoo, that's my two cents!! I hope you found it useful/interesting :3 thanks for letting me speak my mind. (And hey my dms are open if you'd like to talk more 👀👀 :P)

[skamamoroma]

What do you think about the idea that sander could come from an abusive home and that’s his side of the story instead of a mental illness? I love your thoughts

Ah, thanks so much, sweets ❤️ this post got a bit long!

It’s very plausible.

First off, it’s important for me to stress how important the mental illness portion of s3 and the remakes is to me and I know it is very important to others so I’d be thrilled if they decided to stick to it but we DO have multiple wonderful Evens who provide a lot of comfort to many folks. Eliott, Nico and Joana have taken Even’s legacy and grown it and added to it and the 4 of them are cherished so if Sander was to join them then I would be perfectly down for that. It’s an important story to tell. I’ve been kind of presuming they’d go this route but I’d be thrilled if they chose their own thing...

There is a chance wtfock won’t go there. It’s not a necessity as we saw with Druck. I think as long as it is an important story that needs to be told then Julie Andem is always down with that - that’s what Skam is about after all.

There are many very plausible hints that could fit with that theory. I’d want to talk about it respectfully because I have a lot of experience of living in a very volatile and unpleasant home but a truly abusive home is a different matter and it’s a very serious/sensitive topic. But this is me WILDLY SPECULATING which I don’t normally do so don’t take any of this as truth, it’s just me having fun with the story!

There’s the way that Sander responded to their attack. He was clearly very shaken but his “shit happens” was worrying. It’s not nothing and he discarded it. There’s a potential he did that because he didn’t want anyone to know where he was/who he was with and that could point to many things like homophobic parents etc. Or it could point to him trying to convince Robbe to not pursue reporting it and this suggests a worry with police... has he been involved with the police before? We’ve all theorised this to death!

There’s clearly something amiss with his living situation. I made a post immediately after the FaceTime clip because I realised we knew so little about his situation and that moment... THAT STAIRCASE MOMENT WILL MEAN SOMETHING god damn it. It has to. That moment he turned around and waited until the people had gone before he spoke... I’m certai his living situation has something to do with his actions recently

He has done some unusual things that could be due to his spontaneous rebel kind of behaviour and because he’s just a whirlwind kind of guy that maybe acts without thinking sometimes - aka paintball and the supermarket trolley crash. If the theory of an abusive home is correct, I understand that sometimes kids brought up in those environments have a desensitivity to danger etc

The “nobody will love me for me” line can be so clearly linked to the idea of mental illness but also to other things...

The moment that Sander got a little upset during the cuddle clip was NOT the same as Even’s or Nico’s. Joana’s was different and fit her situation wonderfully. Here, it was so different. It would still fit very very well with Sander experiencing disordered thoughts or a lack of control over his thoughts due to a mental illness but it could also be symptomatic of something else because he basically talks about not understanding how you get from one thing to another. He says that he wonders why he thinks things and then he looks into his past to work it out and asks why is it like this - what if I’d thought something different? That screams regret... it screams not understanding his present sometimes and how it makes no sense and he keeps wondering what if he’s thought or done something differently? That’s so interesting to me because it could be about something other than mental illness.

Then there is the whole situation post “I love you”. Sander’s behaviour will obviously be something they’ll cover. They’re brushing it aside at the moment because Robbe is, because he’s in love and overwhelmed by happiness and dazed by the wonder of Sander... but reality will hit and it’ll make what they have all the more amazing but we will also see Sander’s truth. Something changed to make him retreat from Robbe and yes we could argue it is likely to be for a similar reason to Even (that’s what I’ve been working on - but with added extras) but there are major differences and it’s the police reluctance and the lack of request for a break from Robbe. The writers chose to remove that. There must be a reason for it and I think it has everything to do with the attack and how that situation impacted Sander. If he was from an abusive or homophobic home, finding out he was attacked for being affectionate with a boy would be dangerous for him.

There’s also his focus on the idea of forever and “you and me” with Robbe. It’s incredibly sweet and he means it so much, he wants Robbe in his life and you can feel how he is around him and how safe and comforted he is by him... but I made a post earlier about how it seems like he’s convincing himself it’s possible, like he needs it to be true.

Also, Sander didn’t change school. We don’t have any hint that Sander had to leave his school. I vaguely remember a comment from Noor about Sander and school but I can’t remember (can anyone help?). He seems v stable at art school which is of course entirely possible for folks with bipolar (if they chose to follow Even) but that strand of Even’s story seems to be missing

I was sadly not a fan of how Druck handled mental health. For me, it was such a shame with a character like Matteo not to focus on that and make that link with his mamma etc, it felt messy and such a shame to me. And the importance of Isak’s journey with mental health awareness and understanding was so important... so here Robbe is not like Isak. He doesn’t struggle with it. There is no right or wrong when you’re a teenager thrown into this and Robbe just happens to have had an experience which has allowed him to be comfortable and loving with his mamma and it’s a beautiful thing. There doesn’t feel a need to have him learn about mental illness or to realise his compassion - he is a few steps ahead of our Isak. So that element wouldn’t be lost in this story if they chose to replace the Even’s story with a different issue. It’d just be a situation where Robbe understands being alone, being without a comfortable set of parents. That could be the bridge.

The forehead touch last night. I can’t get over it. I made another post earlier about how I can’t shake this feeling that Sander has sacrificed something or made his life more difficult in being with Robbe. Something isn’t right there.

Then the “I’m holding you and I will never let you go” - is someone going to try to make him? It could just be a beautifully romantic line but it could also mean other things too.

Personally, I’ve always presumed they’d continue with the mental health storyline but this alternative is the only one I can see some serious plausibility with. It’d work and it could be VERY powerful and important for people.

We shall just have to see! ❤️

[youmustbestrongernow]

For the ask thingy: What’s the story idea you’ve had in your head for the longest?, Do you reread your old works? How do you feel about them?, Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?), Is what you like to write the same as what you like to read? I love you talking about your writing!!

23. What’s the story idea you’ve had in your head for the longest?

this one I feel like maybe i’ve told someone before but not part of these ask but fic wise it’s the childhood au i want to write next and it’s been in my head since i started writing fic last year, but it was so... not vague more like too many ideas of how i wanted it to be and then finally it just all just clicked to together and i finally have a coherent enough idea.

I also have an original story that i’ve had i for years now i think and i keep scribbling down scenes here and there but i’ve never actually sat down to write it and it’s evolved such a lot but one day i will

22. Do you reread your old works? How do you feel about them?

i do reread my old stuff. a lot. it’s very interesting to look back and see how my writing has changed over time. but i really enjoy reading it, i don’t know if it’s weird but everything i’ve written has been stuff i wanted to read so i wrote it then i get to read it as much as i want.

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about

The meta question is really hard, it’s weird because i have some very detailed meta conversations about my fics in my messages and i seem to be able to do it in the form of conversation pretty easily but when it’s just unfiltered rambling i always find it hard to get started so i’m just going to see what i come up with ;) firstly i think the thing i ramble on about most is communication, it’s so interesting to me because so many people have come to me to talk about how i write communication and how well i write it and it’s so weird because i don’t think i’m that good at communicating, in fact it’s something i really struggle with. But as i dived deeper into it i realised i’m not horrendous at communicating like it thought i was, i’m just a bit different at it and with the right people that’s not a problem. So i like to write good, patient communication, especially for characters that don’t communicate in a typical way and don’t get listened to very often (me matteo who knows?!) i think writing about communication has become my thing and i could talk about it at length. I think people who struggle with everyday communication are often actually very good at it, they know how to listen and when they’re given space to speak they’re often very insightful. I think this is how i’m able to write such good communication and i reflect that in the characters, it’s not something they are naturally good at, it feels like it but they also have to work hard at it. And they do and the pay off is amazing. I don’t know how good i am at symbolism or leaving clues throughout the story. I definitely tried in every version of me with clues to matteo’s mental health and the theme of forgiveness and reconciliation throughout and again communication and letting people in was also an overarching theme and i think i pulled it off.

8. Is what you like to write the same as what you like to read?

what i write is absolutely what i want to read, honestly several of my fics have been borne of me having vague ideas, like “i would love to read a fic about this” and then writing it. So what does it say about me? I guess I like really long fics which are happy and filled with good communication. But I want story and in a long fic i like to deal with serious issues too, in a balanced way and not just for the drama and all the issues are handled sensitively and respectfully and i’m really not trying to show off by saying that either that’s just what i want to read and hopefully i’ve got that right. like in my current fic, there are some very heavy themes regarding the kids and what they’ve been through and i’ve tried to cover it in detail but only the essentials, dramatizing it doesn't add much to the story so i don’t dwell on their past. 

[sarahmariepoet]

Living life

I have to say this because it's important: I am a woman. I am not broken. I am myself. I am not going anywhere. I am free. I am free to be me. I love myself. I love who I am. I am not cisgender. I am transgender and I love myself. I am proud of myself and who I am and who I am becoming. My depression and anxiety do not define me. I love myself.

With all this said, one of my biggest dreams has always been to be able to get pregnant. I would love to be able to carry a child in me. Unfortunately, the body I have is not physically able to do this.

Although science is making more discoveries in regards to gender and bodies in gender, the ability to put a womb--and safely conceive and carry a child to full term and have the child safely--in my body is a long way off. This means that, more then likely, I will never be able to conceive a child.

This doesn't mean I'm any less a woman though. There are cis women who are unable to conceive children. They aren't any less women then a woman who is able to have children.

With that said, yes, it was something I struggled with for years. I couldn't fathom transitioning only to never have a cis body and be unable to fulfill this need that I still struggle with.

The truth of the matter was that I couldn't perceive being happy by transitioning. It wasn't that I only wanted to be pregnant, it was that I wanted to be happy. Being a cis female wouldn't make me happy if I still had to deal with depression and anxiety, which wouldn't magically disappear either.

This is something that I have had to consider and deal with while I am transitioning. Is coming out at work making me happy? To my family? To my friends? Not completely. Being honest with myself and coming out to me is making me happy. Yes, transitioning privately and publicly helps with that, but I started admitting this to myself fully prior to the hormones and prior to coming out publicly. Yes, I took hormones prior to publicly coming out, but that was my choice based on dealing with myself and realizing what was best for me.

What is making me happy is being honest with myself. I am far more happy with myself being myself. I had this discussion with my family recently. I can't continue to pretend to be a man. It physically and mentally hurts and drains me to pretend in such a way. Everytime I'm forced to pretend another part of me dies.

I may not be a cis woman but to pretend that I am not a woman hurts me more deeply in my soul then any other lie I've ever told or been told. To tell that lie literally sets me down a path of depression and anxiety, a path that would have ultimately led to my death.

This is important to mention because everytime someone calls me 'sir' it makes me wonder and question if I'm enough. Am I doing enough? Am I a fraud? I know I'm not and that I'm a woman but I still wonder. I wonder because of a lack of self esteem. I wonder because what if I'm not enough? What if I thought I could do this but I find I can't? Yes, I love myself and yes I'm strong but am I strong enough? Can I do this? Can I be myself?

I want to say yes but what if I'm wrong and what if those suicidal thoughts come back? The truth is that they never truly left. They're there in the back of mind haunting me because I don't know what to do besides to live as myself and hope that I find this happiness and love that has alluded me so.

Everytime someone calls me my birth name this darkness, this depression, reminds me I'm not good enough. Everytime someone mentions they know I'm transgender in a negative light. Everytime someone gives me pitying looks. Everytime I'm treated differently to a cis woman. Everytime someone makes a comment that I'm 'clearly a man'. Everytime someone shakes my hand roughly but wouldn't do so with a cis woman. Everytime people ignore me in conversations. Everytime I die a little inside.

These are real feelings that I experience because of this inability to be myself. These are issues I struggle with. This isn't meant to be stated for pity though. No, this is to point out that saying and doing these things can and will negatively impact others. I know not everyone can understand what transgender people go through. Understand though that we want to be treated with respect.

Calling me my preferred name but treating me like a man doesn't help either though. I've seen how people look at me and how they react to my presence and though there are people I know that have been positive there are certainly negative interactions as well.

The next time you see a transgender person in the bathroom act normally. They probably aren't interested in causing a scene or causing any issues any more then you are. You know what they want? To pee and poop in peace. That's it. Go in there, do your business, wash and dry your hands, then leave. That's what they want too.

Conversation in restrooms is fine--if that's what you do normally--but don't treat them differently and, certainly, dont leave the bathroom immediately upon seeing them in there or refuse to do anything and stare them down until they leave. That's just awkward for everyone.

The same goes for names and pronouns. You wouldn't bring up a married (or divorced) woman's old name, right? So why bring up a transgender person's birth/dead name? Whether they have changed it legally yet or not, respect their name. It's important because it helps them identify as themselves and not how they had to pretend to portray before. Help make them comfortable and happy.

As for pronouns, it's the same thing. Imagine that you wake up one day and everyone is using the wrong pronouns for you, despite you telling them the correct ones. They just refuse to use the right ones! Wouldn't that make you upset? Wouldn't that cause you distress?

Now, we are all aware that mistakes may happen. Don't make a huge deal over tiny mistakes. Either apologize and move on or commit (privately) to yourself to do better. Don't make a huge scene either. That just makes it worse and places them on the spot.

Above all else treat the transgender person just as you would any other person of their gender. This means treat a transgender man (someone identifying as a man) as you would treat any other man, a transgender woman (someone identifying as a woman) as you would treat any other woman, and a nonbinary person as you would treat any other human being.

For example, women have a certain way that they speak to and treat other women. Cis women, don't treat a transgender woman any differently. Help her out, offer her advice respectfully and privately (or in a group of other women if appropriate), let her know if her skirt rode up, ask her if she's okay or if she needs a hug. Don't hesitate to help her out when and if she needs it. Notice her bra strap is showing? Let her know discreetly. Her tag hanging out from the back of her shirt? Let her know or tuck it in discreetly just as you would for a cis woman. These are all things cis women have done for other women and a transgender woman is no different.

The same can be said for how you should treat transgender men and nonbinary people. Treat them as you would anybody and respect them and their identities. Don't hesitate to treat people as you normally would, regardless of how they identify, and treat them as you would anyone else who identifies the same.

I think the importance here is not treating someone differently just because they're different than you. A transgender person may not have had the same experience as you in behaving how they're gender identity behaves but that doesn't mean they are any less a part of their gender identity. It's important to remember that they're actively trying to be themselves and may not even know what that means yet.

If they're on hormones, like I am, there may be times they say or do something stupid. Anytime hormones get involved there is a chance a person will act differently then you're used to them acting. The same can be said about any big change though. This doesn't mean you need to give them space though. Giving someone too much space after you've been close or treating them a certain way then suddenly treating them differently can have a negative impact as well.

For example, I am very intune to the emotional state of those around me. If someone suddenly treats me different, I am far more likely to take it personal and wonder what I did wrong. Sometimes this is helpful and sometimes this is detrimental.

Not everyone has an issue with--or even cares--about what one person does. With that said, there are times you can tell how one person is treated differently to everyone else and figure out why. I think this happens because people don't know how to treat transgender people. How do you handle someone who changes everything you thought you knew about them?

How does that affect you? Short answer. It doesn't. People change all the time. The difference is you thought this person was one gender and it turns out you were wrong. That's scary, right? Now imagine it from their perspective. They don't want to be the center of attention. I know I didn't and still don't.

Now imagine having to change at work, at school, coming out to family, worrying about name changes and gender markers on IDs, whether or not health insurance will cover normally-gendered medical issues (e.g. testicular or ovarian cancers) if you change your gender marker, being thrown out of businesses, their home, losing their jobs, or even being killed for being transgender. Do you accept these risks and no longer lie or cover up your identity for the chance to be happy by admitting and being yourself?

These are all things that transgender people have to consider and go through. So yes, my name is Sarah and I'm transgender and I want to be and am happy. It's not perfect. I'm not perfect. This is my life and it's certainly not perfect but it is my life. And you know what? I'm living it.

[hollenka99]

2, 7, 13, and 18 for the fanfic asks! -River

Ask game!

2. What character(s) do you find the most difficult to write for? Why?

I'm not sure since I tend to stick to such a small selection of characters, especially crimeboys and sbi in general. Not to mention I stick to aus more than canon-compliant. As long as Wilbur is dignified as an act to hide his insecurities and Tommy is mischievous yet thoughtful when the occasion calls for him to be, I think I'm doing okay with them.

However, I recently found that Tubbo is a bit of a weak spot for me and I am certainly not used to writing Sapnap so those two require more practice for me to feel confident while writing them.

7. What story/headcanons do you feel the proudest of?

In terms of AUs, it can't be anything except Regicide. Anon and I have been expanding the world on a daily basis for the past 7 months. And it shows. She tends to be the one who suggests worldbuilding that we then jointly expand on while I'm more the type to introduce new ways to make it angsty (a fair few leading to non canon paths or even a bunch of them becoming a new canon path).

For an actual fic though, I'd say I Beg of Thee Have Mercy on Me (I Was Just a Boy, You See) aka the Regibur self-destruction arc fic. I worked on it for 4 months on and off. When it ended up growing to 24k words, I impressed myself with how big it became, especially since I was expecting it to be half that length. Before that though, it was The Life of Jameson Jackson because I love that story and its universe. Hands down one of my favourite fics from not just the ego fandom but from all the fandoms I've written for.

13. When did you start writing fanfic?

In 2014 so 8 years ago now. I had recently read Divergent which was how I discovered Quotev, thanks to a faction quiz on there. Soon afterwards I decided to give writing out a fic idea a go. But since this was 2014 and I myself was 14, all of my fics for the next two or so years were 1D fics. Mostly of the Niall or Louis x OC variety.

They're all still up there if anyone really felt the need for reading them but at the time I very much did what everyone else was doing, which was tackling serious issues like mental health and abuse etc. Stuff I didn't have the experience or maturity to handle respectfully in my works yet.

18. Do you prefer editing as you write, or waiting until it’s finished?

It's a bit of both tbh. There's projects like the camarvan chapter where I wrote it all in present tense since I just couldn't make myself write in past tense as I went along, which meant I was editing the entire chapter once it was done. But then there's longer fics where I'm constantly going back to varying sections as I write so I can maintain consistency with all the sections where necessary.

All my fics are first drafts more or less. I write until it's complete, go over it to make sure there's no grammar mistakes or accidentally incomplete sentences then I post.

[citrus-feline]

going on facebook is always awful cuz ill want to share something with my dad but then see his most recent post is talking about “commie liberal shitheads” like. dad. is that what he thinks about me? he is definitely at least semi-aware of my political views. he’s accused me of being a communist in highschool back when i thought there was a point in talking to him about issues (but hes not going to change his mind). i dont get it either because he will get livid when i say that capitalism in its current state in america is ruining us despite being one of the people affected most by it. i grew up like hating late-capitalist ideals because i saw what my dad went thru and the hardship he endured trying to raise 3 kids all by himself when he was already having money issues. he grew up poor in a house with 5+ kids in it. is it just conditioning where he trusts a system that is so against him? he only just recently finally got a job that pays fairly for the amount of hardwork he does and his reaction to that isn’t being thankful to his hardwork or even his company, but making posts on facebook about how much he loves the president :/. dad... you’re opposed to raising min wage..... like....... he deserves the money for the work he does cuz hes like a genius with the machines he works but dude. go back 50 years and a job in a similar environment would be min wage. im happy he is getting more money but i wish he would like thank himself or his company instead of someone who perpetuates late-stage capitalism despite all of its harm.

generally i actually think my dad is okay but then i look at what he’s saying about people like me and it upsets me. i once made a post about how older people are so unsupportive to newer generations and he got so mad!! but im expected to see his posts that i can easily apply to myself and just be okay with it. im not gonna fight with my dad cuz like even the possibility of being told to move out will be really hard of my mental health and he takes care of me but........ i wish he was more respectful....... say what you will but the meanest i am to conservatives is when im venting about upsetting things i saw in the news on this website. when it comes to actually talking to people with different views i am really kind and understanding, and even on here i’ve experienced that. i’ve made angry posts before with keywords that attracted conservatives and have gotten angry asks about it before and my response is almost always “im sorry i upset you with that post, i was venting. but i am happy to have a conversation with you about this stuff.”..... i have only like once ever had someone take me up on discussing things in a mature way and separate from a personal post but i like to think that the way i handle it is respectful despite my own disbelief in those types of politics.

him going off on facebook is so bizarre to me because i’ve seen him fight with people in comments before. i’ve heard my sister (who is much stronger than me emotionally) address his posts before only to get into arguments where she will avoid visiting us for months aside from popping in after work or something. and she barely does that anymore. i dont get how he is so happy to keep making such rude posts on a platform that everyone he knows will see. i post on here knowing that maybe one or two people i know in real life will see it, if even that. and THAT makes me nervous! i’ve deleted plenty of posts i was typing up mid-rant because i realized i didnt want people who know me personally to see that! like i know looking at my blog it seems like “oh she doesnt have a filter” but i do!! like once a day i will start writing a vent post only to delete it all without ever posting because i realize it could cause some kind of misunderstanding or bitterness between me and the people i care about who check my blog.

all “bleh i hate capitalism” aside, i don’t understand the disrespect at all. i just dont. i can theoretically look at very conservative people as a group and be bitter about that, and i do sometimes, but i usually try to be mindful that people have opinions for their own reasons and i have to remember that everyone’s experience is different. despite people saying things i disagree with, i still respect them as people and i’m willing to talk about things gently. i much prefer a mature conversation about more heavy stuff as opposed to being yelled at. a mature conversation can lead to things being learned, on both sides. being so vocal about your disdain for people who you could potentially have an actual conversation with upsets me. i go off about politicians and stuff on here but for real if one of them talked to me, one-on-one, i would absolutely still be respectful despite everything i dislike about their policies and behavior as someone of power. the only time i wouldn’t treat someone with respect is if they not only treat me disrespectfully but reject my attempt at keeping things civil. and even then i would give multiple opportunities in an attempt to keep things calm and respectful. when i discuss stuff with people who i disagree with, i listen to them. lots of the time i feel the same about the issue at the end, but hearing a point of view is important. brushing all people who disagree with you away is just in bad taste in my opinion. because there are people who will not believe in what you do but also show respect despite that. there are people who will listen, even if they are secretly a little upset about what you’re saying. conversation is important in any kind of society and for one so polarized in political beliefs like ours i think it should be a requirement to show SOME kind of respect.

it just upsets me how i wont even be heard with some people, like my dad. people who are so stuck in their beliefs that they refuse to even consider looking at them critically. i know the stuff i align myself with isn’t perfect. i know some things people who are head-speakers for in the political groups i openly say i agree with aren’t always exactly what i think. and i know that lots of things won’t be treated as serious as i want them to be. focus can easily be put on things that i think should come later compared to what i care about. i know that “liberals” aren’t perfect. a lot of kids i went to school with were heavily and openly liberal and generally i agreed with them but now and then they would go too far with something, or even just be one of those people who are so up in arms about political stuff that they don’t have any real personal experience with (which is fine, i just wish they wouldn’t act like it was them being attacked instead of the actual people suffering from the real-life issues). i know my beliefs, MY personally beliefs, aren’t perfect. i used to have a lot of trouble realizing something i believed in was not what i thought it was, but now its kinda normal for me. my beliefs for lots of stuff is fluid, but of course because its me, i usually end up aligning with most “liberal” ideals (but, again, theres stuff i disagree with in those groups too). i will ride in my dad’s car where the radio is still on a political station he listens to and some of the stuff they say makes me sick because i disagree with it so much. and i like to think that my dad doesn’t believe all of that. but i dont know because whenever i’ve tried to figure out i’ve just been called a communist who hates freedom, lol. he’s not open to conversation which is really weird to me. cuz like. things change?? opinions aren’t static? people are able to look at things from different angles. its not that hard imo? maybe its just cuz im overly-empathetic but like. i dont... get how its so hard for people to put themselves in others shoes... thats what i primarily do when talking to people about stuff where theres any sort of disagreement. lots of the time ill put myself in their shoes and still come out feeling the same about the topic, but its still important to do that kind of thing to at least get SOME kind of grasp to why they believe what they do.

im not sure why im making so many long political posts lately compared to usual but i feel like this is important stuff to talk about... i dont expect anyone to change their views on shit just reading a post where im getting my frustrations out, but if anything is questionable, i want people to know that i AM open to talking about it personally. if you approach me with respect, i’d be happy to talk to you about stuff. it’s something i practice regularly with non-political stuff in my relationship and with close-friends when something touchy comes up. lots of the times core ideas aren’t changed but we all come out of that stuff with a bit more understanding of the other person and why they think what they do. people aren’t perfect and you will disagree about things. that’s why it should be handled respectfully. if i reacted the way my dad does to people trying to make conversation about more serious things, im pretty sure i wouldn’t have nearly as many friends, lol.