#AND ESPECIALLY WITH WILL BEING CONNECTED IN THE GREATEST FIGHT OF THEIR LIVES.... I REALLY DON'T THINK

[steeltwigz]

Ok I need to ask about the shirtless Kogoro Mouri drawing-- I see you gave him lots of scars 👀 Can you talk about those please

Oh yeah! It's kind of a mix of different head canons - since he used to be a cop, he probably had a few run-ins with pretty dangerous criminals, for sure being shot or stabbed at hence the scarring. I also think like given the way he acts, his childhood was probably Not Great. I can't imagine he had the best parents or lived in a great neighborhood and with how stubborn he is and how dangerous Beika can be, I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up getting into a Lot of fights in his spare time. He's also just clumsy and falls over a lot!

Mostly they're just for fun and because I think it would make sense for him to have a few scars, but some of them I have a little personal lore for. Like the scar on his neck is meant to imply that at one point he was held hostage by some criminal, maybe to use against Megure so they could escape when Kogoro was still a cop, and he almost had his throat slit so it left a scar. After a while, Conan starts using the stun-gun wrist-watch, but Kogoro doesn't connect the dots because he just ends up thinking it's some kind of phantom pain from the stress of all the murders he's witnessing (when it's the other side, he blames bug bites or something).

The small slice on his chin is probably from some kind of broken glass bottle, like he was attacked in a bar fight. Or maybe a chunk glass from a discarded beer bottle that he fell on when he's tripped down the stairs to his office, and the bar fight is just the story he tells to be less embarrassed.

The bigger scars are meant to be gunshot wounds or burns, but don't all have special lore reasons. He was shot in the shoulder and now has tremors in his left hand, making it harder to shoot a gun, or something. The one partially hidden on his forearm could be from when he was cooking while drunk and just burned himself on accident. Maybe he was drinking while cooking because Eri had just left and he quit the police force and didn't know how to cope, but he still needed to feed his daughter.

I imagine even if other characters saw his scars, like Shinichi or maybe Takagi (characters who don't really know his backstory or understand his personality that well) they would just write them off as Kogoro being careless, which would be likeee. Half True. Megure probably knows where most of them came from, Ran can probably guess and be pretty accurate.

Kogoro doesn't really seem to ever want to talk about things that happen to him, so he doesn't really explain where the scars came from, so ppl think he's trying to be Cool and Mysterious to avoid confessing that he was drunk and ran into a sharp table. I think he'd also be a little embarrassed about them and try to hide them with makeup if he ever cared enough. Especially ones where he was shot or stabbed on the police force. For him, it's embarrassing to get caught, like when he was held hostage, or to be shot at and not expect it. They're kind of like cumulative reminders of his greatest failures, even the ones where he was never really at fault, because his guard should have been better or he should have been paying more attention, etc.

Also tho I mean. Scars are cool fjdhdhdh they fit him because he's abrasive and a dumbass and a klutz and his job is hunting down killers, so he's Definitely going to get himself injured, but they also just make him look good, even if he'd be embarrassed abt them. And really I just like rotating angst around in my head and the easiest way to do that is to go "ok but what if he got hurt one time" and then draw it, with or without full planning. Thank you for noticing them tho! And thanks for the ask!! ^_^

[ovwechoes]

another rarepair... but if you are not uncomfy with it, can i have sfw mauga x venture headcanons? :)

Rock 'n Roll / Venture x Mauga Headcanons (SFW) I'm always happy to write for rarepairs, even if they're ones I'm not too familiar with. They're under the cut, and thank you for the ask - enjoy c:

Who confessed? How did it go? Definitely Maugaloa - sorry but Sloan's a little baby when it comes to confessing, often struggling to find the right words and stumbling over their words. It would've started with Sloan attempting to confess, but stuttering so badly that they gave up. Maugaloa, on the other hand, would've been able to see exactly what they were trying to say and would flat out just say ‘I like you too’ in his usual, flirty tone, followed by him teasing Sloan. Maugaloa's more in touch with their emotions, and can easily read other people's but especially Sloan's. It was a short, but sweet conversation, with the two of them only really talking through their feelings and their position in each other's life now and Mauga doing everything he could to make Sloan's face cherry red.

What is their relationship dynamic like? Definitely grumpy and sunshine - Maugaloa's more serious, gruff and brooding whereas Sloan's more upbeat, cheerful and takes life with a grain of salt. Everyone around them can see it, too, with Maugaloa's demeanour often softening when Sloan's around, and Sloan's becoming more down when things between them and Mauga aren't in the greatest place.

How do they show their love to one another? Maugaloa likes to show his love for Sloan through words of affection and gift giving -he's a very charismatic, charming man and knows exactly how to say things to make his partner melt, with Sloan being no exception to that. He enjoys watching Sloan melt from his compliments and his softened tone when reminding them of how they look stunning in that moment, or how adorable they're being while rambling about artifacts or special interests of their own. Adding gift giving to the mix, something I've spoken about with Mauga before, is like adding fuel to the fire for Maugaloa. It's his way of emphasising that he really cares for Sloan, and that he values the impact they continue to make in his life. On the other hand, Sloan's definitely the type of person who uses physical affection to speak the words his mouth can't. They like to touch Maugaloa's chest, tracing their fingers across the spaces with his hearts, and likes to keep an arm resting on their shoulder when they're sat side by side. It's their way of keeping close to them, and showing that they're connected in a way that their words can't come close to. I like to think that Sloan's an actions > words person too, so physical affection is definitely their strong suit when showing love to Maugaloa.

What are their favourite aspects of one another? Sloan loves Maugaloa's ability to defend himself, and how well he can bite back at people who try to bring his ego down. Others find Mauga self inflated, but Sloan recognises that it's a way for Maugaloa to protect himself in a way. Sloan struggles with defending themselves properly, in a way that actually makes an impact and isn't shrugged off by the person insulting them. They, truthfully, want to fight back with kindness and can't bring themselves to be as brutal as Maugaloa can be. So, they find it admirable and fascinating to explore in meaningful conversations about their lives and how his experiences have shaped Maugaloa as a person. Maugaloa, on the other hand, loves Sloan's attention to detail - Sloan tends to become transfixed with things easily, and once they are they have to know every little detail about that topic or item or person. It's something Maugaloa's struggled with in the past and still somewhat does, often joking about his attention span when people call him out on it. So, when Sloan can point out tiny details that he's completely missed while watching movies, going on dates to museums or aquariums, things like that, it makes Mauga's hearts skip with admiration.

How often do they say ‘I love you’? Maugaloa's the type to say everything BUT ‘I love you’, finding it too special and meaningful to throw out there without concern for the value of the words. So, I don't think he says it as often as Sloan would like them too, but after he explained why he doesn't, they understood completely and respected it. Maugaloa will say everything but that one phrase, and will make it his mission to phrase it in other ways because he believes that ‘I love you’ has to be reserved for specific moments that truly deserve it. Sloan, on the other hand, says it more often, but more so as apart of his greetings - they were told by a co-worker that saying ‘I love you’ along with a goodbye is a good way to get used to it, after they asked for advice. So, when they said it the first time it genuinely scared Maugaloa but also impressed him as they were able to do it through their stuttering and flustered state. It's not something they say too often, with their actions speaking louder than words, but they like to at least before they go to bed or can't see each other again for some time.

Do they argue? How do they overcome them? You can't tell me they don't argue about the smallest of things like AC temps, hogging the blankets (Maugaloa's guilty of this), leaving lights on. It's their kryptonite in their relationship as they're both not used to not just living with others partially but being this close to another person in a meaningful relationship. They tend to let it die down and prevent the argument going further than petty insults from Maugaloa, and passive aggression from Sloan. They keep their space for a moment until the other apologises and they work through a compromise together. Sometimes, with them both being hot headed to a degree, they need that chance to de-escalate things between them. 

[sincerely-vinyl]

Yandere Turtles headcanons pt 2

Content contains: mentions of drugging, lack of consent, peer pressure, creepy behavior, kidnapping, aggressive behavior, post kranng invasion, post- movie content, yandere Turtles.

@alcides, thanks again for the permission! This was fun to write!

..

☆☆☆☆☆

A new member was added to the Hamato clan shortly after the invasion ended. You were one of the clan members that weren't hurt too badly, just a couple of scrapes and bruises that could have been easily taken care of. You weren't going to lie. You liked it when you weren't the most fragile one in the house anymore, even if it was temporarily.

When they got better, it really did get worse. They were more set on shielding you—and now Casey—from the world. They were hurt badly, and yet, they took your minor scrapes as even more reason to treat you like you were so incapable of protecting yourself.

…but you finally weren't the only one getting this treatment anymore! Of course, you felt bad for Casey. He grew up in the apocalypse, and he knew how to fight. His master Leonardo taught him, so getting patronized by a younger version of his dad–Sensei probably wouldn't sit well with the future boy.

For Casey, it started by them insisting for him to stay with all of you. I mean, where else would he go in a world that doesn't know he exists?

When he started living with you all, you and him bonded instantly, he knew you from his future, as one of the greatest fighters in the resistance, you had great resilience when it came to survival, and you were always kind towards others, your unbridled wrath reserved just for the Kraang.

The turtle's would go with you on missions whenever they possibly could, attempting to protect you from everything they possibly could. but when they couldn't, you really shined on the field.

Back in the present time, the Hamato's themselves had become very acquainted with Casey, and unfortunately for him, that meant he was trapped with you all forever, you didn't mind of course, it was nice to have someone in your life who didn't worry over you all the time, and being stuck in the house while the rest of the family got to do some fun missions.

You both would have cleaning parties and hobby discoveries with each other (mostly for Casey).

_______

Raph, the cuddly giant he is, still interrupted your sleep schedule, but it was somehow worse now?

It would be more likely for you to wake up to him staring at you looking like some sleep paralysis demon in the night. And since you and Casey would eventually share a room, he would wake up too, being the light sleeper he was.

Raph and Casey… never really got along. They never fought or anything. They were just hella awkward. Casey treated all of the turtles with the respect of parental aged elders, and with Raph, he treated him like a respected professor. It bums out Raph that he can't connect with the younger teen.

_____

Casey still had the issue with calling the turtle's 'Master', and it still had an effect on Leo, even if he had toned down a bit after the invasion. Maybe he felt a sense of importance when Casey would slip up. You never knew, Leo the stubborn shit he was, never talked about his issues with his family.

Casey would also become a victim of kidnapping by Leo. You would try to keep the poor boy company, but sometimes Leo wouldn't even let you in. something about personal bonding time with his future self's son.

____

Donnie would come around to warm up to Casey, and when he did, it could have been the best day of your life. With Donnie, walking on eggshells when you're by yourself was horrific, especially with him. But with Casey here with you, it was slightly less horrific.

His attention would also seek Casey's approval as well, and luckily for Casey, he was already interested in whatever Donnie invented. The outcome with Donnie keeping you both in the room together was likely to have the same cause, either Leo keeping you or him or both of you for the longest in his portal dimension, or because he 'wanted to keep you safe' from your brothers

____

Mikey loves Casey! Another sibling to hang out with and taste his cooking. He would often have you and Casey over in his room playing some sort of game or doing some art activity, or other times, asking for help in the kitchen. What you come to learn about Mikey is that when he asks you to do something, it’s usually an unsaid order, giving a certain look when denied

_ _ _

“Hey, do you guys wanna help me in the kitchen?”

“Um, no thanks Mikey,”

“Why not.” A statement, not a question

“...Nevermind, we’ll help.”

“Great!”

_ _ _

Even when you didn't want to, Mikey always got what he wanted. One of the unsaid punishments you would receive would be Mikey hiding drugs like rohypnol in your snacks when he would bring some to you both after you and / or Casey refused to hang out with him.

You wouldn’t be doing anything else without him now.

♤ ♤ ♤

Part one

[ssadumba55]

5-4-3-2-1 (Cassie Lang x Sibling!Reader)

Request: Would I be able to request a Cassie lang (older version in the newer films in MCU, if ok?) where R is her adopted sibling who gets over whelmed easily and has social anxiety - and Cassie is protective and supportive of them, especially when Cassie starts to become a hero and R worries about her?

“Breathe in… and out… in… and out…”

Cassie sat against the wall with you, hand resting gently on your back right between the shoulder blades. Every once in a while, she’d rub comforting circles into the spot. She was used to dealing with situations like these. Anxiety attacks were a frequent occurence in the Lang-Van Dyne household. Your anxiety disorder really kicks your ass sometimes and having an entire family who is super in some way, constantly running around in situations that could get them hurt…

Today was the latest in a recent spout of them. Ever since Cassie herself had started becoming more independent and interested in heroics, your anxiety sky rocketed. There were so many ways that being a superhero could go wrong; just look at people like Iron Man or Black Widow. The greatest of the greats who’d lost their lives fighting a cause bigger than themselves. The stress of potentially seeing your sister one day on the screen in one of those memorials was eating at you day by day.

“Hey, if the breathing isn’t working, we can try the senses?” Cassie’s voice shocked you back into reality, back into what was happening in the moment. She was trying to ground you as best she could.

You wanted to tell her that the senses wouldn’t be necessary, but you couldn’t bring yourself to force the words out from the place they were lodged in your throat.

“Five things you see.”

“You, the ground, the sky, my feet…. dad.”

“Four things you can touch.”

“You, the ground, the wall and my sweater.”

“Three things you can hear.”

“Screaming, your voice and police sirens.”

“Two things you can smell.”

“The air… That perfume you insisted on wearing this morning…”

“Hey! I’m trying to help you here! One thing you can taste.”

“Blood…. I think I bit my tongue.”

Now that the grounding exercise was over, everything felt a lot more clear. Like the world was a television with the colours and sound muted that had once again been turned up. Only this time, it was less overwhelming, especially with Cassie’s hand on your back.

“That was really stupid, you can’t just ignore me when I’m giving you instructions. You could’ve been seriously hurt. You’re not like dad, mom or I, you have to leave when things get too much.” Cassie’s bossy sister voice had returned, now that she was sure you were okay. Gently, she prodded at your mouth, asking without words for you to open your mouth so she could take a look at what had happened with your tongue.

You didn’t respond, letting her inspect your mouth for a moment before she sighed and gave the all clear.

“Are you even listening to me? When I say get to safety, get to safety…” She stood, pulling you up with her. She was right.

You hadn’t been born into this family, you’d stumbled your way into it by accident and as a result you weren’t as super as the rest of them. That didn’t really matter, not in the ways that counted anyway. At the end of the day, dad would still praise you for a job well done on your homework, mom would ask you what you did over a nice homecooked meal, Cassie would fight with you over things that all siblings fought over, your grandparents would spoil you…

But deep down it felt like you couldn’t fully connect with them all unless you were super too. It frustrated you, they could go on adventures together, change the world. You’d always be stuck going to school, living the life of a mundane regular person. Anyone who wanted to be your friend, not that there were many, would only do so because of your connection to the Avengers. It was a personal hell for your social anxiety.

“Are you even listening to me?” Cassie repeated, getting annoyed at the lack of response. She had a job to do.

“Yes! I- Yes! I’m sorry! I’m just…” You fought the urge to tear up. Cassie probably wouldn’t think much of it, you get overwhelmed a lot. In that regard, you were a polar opposite to the rest of your family. They could handle things under pressure. You could not.

Cassie looked over her shoulder at the battle still taking place and sighed, reaching up to cup your face in her hands.

“Hey, I know you’re disappointed and worried. I know what we all do is dangerous and you worry, especially about me… But I’m okay. I promise. I’ll always come back to you in the end and you know that.”

Your fears were being realized, Cassie knew deep down what you were thinking. About the parents you’d lost in the war against Thanos, innocent bystanders who had been killed as the result of carnage they weren’t apart of. The memory of their death, of finding out you were an orphan was still seared into the back of your mind. It reminded you every day that all of this was fleeting. An intergalactic war had taken your family once, and it still could again. No one was infallible. Iron Man…

“You can’t promise me that.” You whispered softly and her expression changed to a softer one as well.

Her hands moved from your cheeks down to your shoulders and she squeezed. “You’re right.. I can’t promise that. But I can promise to keep you safe, at least. As long as I’m around nothing or no one will hurt you. I can’t protect you though, if you don’t get somewhere safe when the fighting starts. I know you’re worried we’re going to get hurt but I promise you, we can handle this. I can handle this.”

You met her eyes, the determination there was fiery. She had always been very eager to follow her dads footsteps into battle. To be a hero just like him and it was charming to see that she was starting to become that hero, that she could learn to fight with the help of the man who had inspired her in the first place. You knew deep down that nothing would happen to her as long as dad and mom were around anyway.

“Alright… I get it…” You smiled weakly.

Your worries weren’t completely dissuaded, but she was right. She was no use to anyone if she was sitting on the ground comforting you while the battle raged on.

“Go home. We’ll be there soon.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. You’re not going to be left alone this time.”

You reached up to squeeze her hand one last time, then the two of you split. You in the direction of safety, her towards the next battle. A distant memory of Cassie telling you that anxiety and mental illness were brave battles to fight and that you were just as much of a soldier as her passed through your mind as you ran, feet slamming down on the pavement hard.

It was nice to have a sister who understood you so well, even if she could be a little bit of a pain in the ass sometimes. She was your sister, and she always would be.

[aroace-number-eight]

This follows along with @simpforsix post about loric culture and I think it'd be really interesting if it had been Five and One who held the most knowledge about Lorien and their home culture because of the stories they were told by their Cepans. The two oldest Cepans with the most knowledge on Loric history and finding it a really useful way to invigorate their Garde with determination and pride for their home and their people, understanding what they were supposed to fight for, and keeping some connection to their home because all that's left is what they know.

Five eating up those stories that Rey used to tell him about all his adventures on Lorien. Maybe before he was a Mentor Cepan, he used to work in the Kabaraks and learned agriculture, animal breeding, the different types of animals that exist on Lorien, how to raise a Chimaera. Maybe on the ship, he was the one taking care of Bernie Kosar because he's the only one on the ship who knew their behavioral patterns and food preferences. Five being regaled by fairy tales that Rey heard growing up or from his travels world over, some that tell stories that don't exist on Earth.

Teaching Five how to look for Lorien's stars (I know this is mentioned at some point canonically but I don't remember who did) and how he used to navigate the seas using the stars, how he memorized charts and identified constellations, and the stories behind them helped him remember what to look for. The festivals he used to attend in his life: Quartermoon festival, religious events, harvests or changing weather patterns, mourning Garde who died in training, plays that recreate the Elders finding the Phoenix stones and bringing forward the Chimaeras and the new era of Lorien. The foods, all the dishes he knew how to prepare, all the vegetation that grew on Lorien that have no Earthian counterpart, the hunts he went to and trained for with a couple Chimaera at his side acting as his hunting dogs.

One learning from Hilde the legends and stories of Garde she trained in her life, the tales that spurred from their heroism and dedication to Lorien. Teaching her martial arts that has been passed down for generations, moves that were taught to Garde who didn't develop Legacies yet so they still had the means to fight. Telling her of all the places she traveled to on the planet to train new Garde: some who hailed from the coastal region of Deloon, some that lived high in the mountains and how she dealt with the high altitude, some that came from the Kabarak Colonies. The different training methods and martial arts she acquired from her travels because each region has a different sect of Loric who prioritized certain philosophies of the mind and body, of war and peace, of respect and protest.

She's the oldest of the Cepans, so does she have knowledge that even Rey doesn't know? Does she remember a time when there were ten Elders and not nine? Does she have a more intimate knowledge of the workings of Cepan and Garde relationships, especially the insidious and corrupt ones that she's been forced to turn a blind eye to? How many funerals has she attended for Garde who died, some that were in her care but died when she wasn't able to help them? What were the funerals like, how did she cope with them? Who did she surround herself with, what Loric philosophies, adages, and mantras kept her going?

Did both of them have families? Were they married? Had children, or grandchildren, or great grandchildren? Did they have lovers in their lives? Do their Garde remind them of their families, the people they left behind?

It'd be super interesting for the Cepans who have seen everything to protect that knowledge and leave it to their Garde, the last vestiges of Loric culture, and ensure they survive with this. To have Five and One bear this knowledge with importance and amazement knowing fully well where they come from and wanting to find their own paths, their own lives on Earth as Garde.

To have the greatest remnants of Loric knowledge, in the course of ten years, end up in a Mog with a sliver of her memories and a traitor who lost his path. Will the Garde still want that knowledge?

[nose-bl]

maybe i missed something but i think it's interesting and brilliant how ed's conclusion to stede not showing up is "he doesn't love me and didn't want to run away with me" and not "something bad happened to him". it makes a lot of sense for ed's character that that would be his explanation of the situation

like. stede WAS being held at gunpoint during that night and was about to get killed but by pure chance he got away. he did go back to his old miserable life with a family and a home that he doesn't feel connected to in any meaningful way. we know stede abandoned ed that night and ran back to what he knew was "safe" and "correct". but ed doesn't know that

all ed knows is stede didn't show up. and he clearly gave him the benefit of the doubt bc he waited there all night despite the fact that stede was supposed to be there before him

i think his first instinct was to think maybe stede got lost, maybe he just took a while to get out and he's on his way, maybe something bad did happen but he'll figure it out and get there, so ed might as well wait longer and longer. and when at dawn he still didn't show up, ed kinda gave up. he gave in to the bad thoughts and self deprecation, being convinced that he was effectively rejected by stede, that maybe he came on too strong, maybe he was more open about his feelings than he should have, maybe he scared stede off. and none of that is true, but it's all ed can see in that moment

stede didn't run back "home" bc he didn't want to be with ed for the rest of life or bc of something ed did/said. he knows how he feels about ed, they literally kissed and admitted they make each other happy, but stede wasn't quite ready to accept these feelings, or maybe he thought that those feelings were wrong and he was being foolish for thinking he had found love with another man. stede ran away as a trauma response, he was still doubting everything about himself and his life and I don't blame him for not knowing how to react to someone reciprocating his deep feelings when all he's been taught since he was a kid is that he is nothing and will never be loved for who he is. especially bc he had just been told that he ruined blackbeard, the greatest pirate ever. that he was a horrible person, a murderer, a failure. how could he be comfortable living a life with ed when he's convinced that he ruined everything for him?

and do i blame ed for not looking for stede before leaving? absolutely not. they had a plan, ed stuck to the plan, and all the confusion and emotions he must have felt when stede never showed up must have stung pretty bad. activating his fight or flight response, i guess. i don't think ed felt capable to look for stede and to keep holding on hope, to keep believing everything was fine and normal, so he left. he was also filled with self doubt. admitting his feelings for stede and kissing him was a huge step for him, probably the most vulnerable he's ever been, and i just feel really bad for him

[fudanshipoe]

a ramble on Dazai having BPD ☆

This is mostly my own personal interpretation, but it is a very long ramble about me reading into Dazai's borderline personality disorder traits (abandonment, identity, dissociation, self risking behaviors, chronic emptiness, etc) or at least what I interpret as such. I do think ASPD is also a strong contender for Dazai, but I have yet to research that more in depth.

I think fear of abandonment being a trait he fills is best exhibited with Dazai and how he is with Oda. He clearly struggles with the thought overall losing anyone and anything close to him, but it's also a repeated thing by his line where he isn't sad about losing Oda/Ango and what felt like at the time almost everything, because he expects it. He fights hard for Oda to not go fight Mimic because he is afraid to lose one of his greatest friends, and who I think was also a favorite person in a way, but I don't explain that here.

He also fights hard for the agency yes because he cares about them, but I would argue it's also motivated in a similar fashion to not wanting to lose it/the people he cares about.He even puts forth an extreme effort of keeping up a persona as a means to not lose it. He even puts forth an extreme effort of keeping up a persona as a means to not lose it. Constantly joking around and not allowing much personal connection, at least as far as letting his true intentions or his personal thoughts go.

He also shows struggles with stable personal identity. Dazai views himself as something other than human in general. And also connecting to the heavy dehumanization themes around him, especially during his PM days. Dazai put on the persona of a "Demon Prodigy" and fit himself to that in what I would argue is almost a self sabataging way. He exposed himself to the worst to see and possibly feel raw humanity. And possibly gain a purpose or want to live, as well.This also is an example of chronic emptiness for Dazai and his search for a purpose to live.

There are a lot of examples of this for Dazai, obviously his biggest thing is suicide and constantly getting himself into those harmful situations. He also is shown to be a functioning alcoholic.yet being unable to fill the hole, which leads into suicide and Self harming behaviors. There are a lot of examples of this for Dazai, obviously his biggest thing is suicide and constantly getting himself into those harmful situations. He also is shown to be a functioning alcoholic. Physical self harm is really just a speculation, however I think it's a realistic thing to consider, and personally I do believe that.

Probably the biggest example of Dazai and dissociation/depersonalzation and loss of contact with reality is this scene in BSD 15. At least this is how I read it. There are other examples I think, one being the fact that I believe him disconnecting himself from his "humanity" is a form of it.

I also think that Oda is sort of a favorite person for Dazai. This is exemplified by the extreme lengths Dazai tries to go to in order to not lose him (dark era, beast), but also the extreme importance of Oda as a figure for Dazai. Despite never getting very personal, as stated by Oda himself, Dazai still has a strong attachment to him because Oda was arguably the first good influence in his life.

I definitely have a lot more thoughts on this, but this is just a shortened version and small ramble on some of the ways I read Dazai as implied/coded(?) BPD.

[rostomanologist]

Nightmare and Fear for Falco Ghost and Midnisght for Noereen >:)

HOHOOOO THATS GOTTA BE A RIDE THANK YOU !!!!

Falco:

nightmare: What does your OC have nightmares about? How do they deal with their nightmares? Do they tell people, or keep it to themself?

usually falco has nightmares about the people she lost. mostly, her team in maguuma which was wiped out by mordrem. eventually, they were joined by her warband - most of them fell in the charr civil war, and falco saw it, as she accidentally got into this fuss on the wrong side.

sometimes she sees fire in her nightmares.

they deal with it quite simply: just accept it. doesn't mean they don't feel bad because of these reoccurring visions, but they prefer to concentrate on those who are beside them here and now, always remembering the fallen.

and she never speaks about these dreams.

fear: What is your OC's greatest fear? What do they do when confronted with it? Are they open with their fear, or do they hide it away?

there's too much shit falco has seen to be actually feared of. as with many things, she learned to accept most of the life tragedies and still be able to fight. however, they definitely do not want to witness many things - especially her friends and teammates being massacred, especially while being unable to do something with it.

so, i think, her fear is to be helpless? useless in the crucial moment? and in the moments this happens she tries to do anything to help anyways.

they, however, don't really talk about it either. im not even sure they realize this fear, though they're kinda open with others - they usually admit they're kinda afraid of fire and some huge dragon minions.

Noereen:

ghost: Who or what haunts your OC? What happened? How do they live with their ghosts?

technically, she's haunted by her demon from the mists :D though not fully at the present moment, since she has eliminated this connection and took herself some Healthy Legends lmao

tho generally her mists experience is a one huge ghost for her. she nearly died there, had to make a deal with a sorta demon just to be alive, encountered many echoes from the past after that. quite rough shit. she almost lost her mind because of that. had to fight for her sanity. if not for the help of pryman and hoaxer, she would destroy herself and maybe even more. but now it's getting better with them, she is learning to just live with these memories and move on with less rage and pain.

midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?

a lot of things, actuallyher energy is almost endless; she needs little sleep. so she often wakes up early, sometimes even before sunrise.

noereen does have nightmares, however, and that's one of another reasons she doesn't sleep. she wakes up because of images of the dead, of her own potential deaths, of the past in the mists. other things that keep her up are the pain in the side where she was bit and legends' voices in her head.

what does she do when not sleeping? she hunts.

[icharchivist]

good idea. what would your ideal a3/ gbf crossover event look like? :3

oh my god.

i actually have a tag for this with a few posts in it already that should help out, with a main post with most of my major headcanons at the time here!

rereading the post though i.

I want Hisoka to meet Troue because i think between the sleepiness and memory loss Troue goes through, Hisoka’s protective bone will tingle and it’ll be a neat plotline.

@ past me i'm so sorry, i'm so sorry this happened to us, i don't even know what to say anymore to replace this HC, this aged like milk.

Troue would be a representation of Hisoka's greatest nightmare: that under all the amnesia there's actually someone who would be willing to hurt everything they thought they cared about.

help.

ANYWAY adding to that list since it's a list i made years ago already, i absolutely NEED, like, NEEED!!!!! Michael to meet Juza.

I've spent the full reading of the Mole Troupe losing my mind because their arc is the SAME THING. Lost in life, unsure what to do because people have always projected a role on them, one that comes with them having to fight, and as a result they come off as scary and have issues showing their true emotions. But deep down, they're gentle souls who get completely shaken by theater, who finally find themselves there, because by acting they can be something different than what was projected on them. And their acting is wooden and they struggle a lot with it at first, but their passions shine through regardless and it touches people enough that you know the more they'll work on it the more they will shine, and the more they'll be able to leave behind the "scary face" they had to carry for a long time.

also Michael's "try out cute bunny bread pyon pyon!!" in the most threatening voice possible is not so unsimilars to Juza, wearing a bear costume, with the most wooden of voices, going "what sound does a bear do again? huh. BEAAAAR"

Michael and Juza being best friends is all that matters to me i want that in an event so bad.

Similarly to the Mole Troupe stuff, Falsch and Tenma need to meet i don't make the rules. Child Actors prodiges with a passion for acting, but with Falsch now being a burnt out adult who lost all of his friends and just keep seeking desperately for connection, it would probably be a good insight for Tenma who is still a teen figuring out his future and navigating how much his troupe means to him versus the expectations that are thrust on him as a a child prodige.

And still Mole Troupe, therefore Guy and Sariel would probably get along on the same ground of, being set all of their lives into being a weapon of sort, so much so they have forfeited connecting with their emotions and don't even know how to acknowledge them anymore, but thanks to getting into theater, they start to understand their feelings a lot more. Guy has made so much progress ahead and i can only wish the same for Sariel on the long term, and i feel like if they met and discussed it, Sariel especially could do a lot of progress in his recovery.

......

COUGHS

that's for some specific character i'm adding to the list of "having to meet each other" but honestly i feel like there would be fun opportunities for any of the granblue charas to meet any of the cast of a3.

In a more general mindset, the problem is that i want all 24 of the a3 cast to be able to interreact with granblue characters, and there's no way a gbf collab could actually explore it the way i want them to unless they run 4 collabs for each troupes :( and it means also giving up on some crosstroupes dynamic and stuff.

the more realistic way for a gbf x a3 event to happen would be to have the a3ders, the leader of each troupes, to be sent to the world of Granblue. And i could imagine that then, like in the love live's collabs, their fate would rest on making a good play, and the a3ders have to band together to really show people their love for theater.

and as such the most ideal characters to bounce of to for them would be the Romeo&Juliet cast, the Mole Troupe cast, Makora, and maybe also Cupitan.

But i'd be so interested into seeing each troupe in focus with their own particular brand of nonsense brought into the gbf world.

I just want everyone to meet up :(

hope it was a nice read for you ;D

Take care!

[perilegs]

i got inspired and did Nøkk's enneagram and damn it's REALLY calling him out

His results put him at type 6, and considering that he's a resisting Dark Urge, his holy idea being faith is ironic to say the least

Now for some unassorted analysis of the type from various sites

"Key Motivations: Want to have security, to feel supported by others, to have certitude and reassurance, to test the attitudes of others toward them, to fight against anxiety and insecurity."

"They will defend their community or family more tenaciously than they will defend themselves."

"The reason Sixes are so loyal to others is that they do not want to be abandoned and left without support—their Basic Fear. Thus, the central issue for type Six is a failure of self-confidence. Sixes come to believe that they do not possess the internal resources to handle life’s challenges and vagaries alone, and so increasingly rely on structures, allies, beliefs, and supports outside themselves for guidance to survive. If suitable structures do not exist, they will help create and maintain them."

I think that bit is especially interesting and mostly accurate to Nøkk, because he does have a deep need for people to like him and be there so he can acquire what he wants. But also, it gives insight into why Nøkk stayed at the Bhaal temple all those years. I think Durge was pretty secluded from the rest of the world, and relied heavily on the temple in general.

"This does not mean that they do not think. On the contrary, they think—and worry—a lot! They also tend to fear making important decisions, although at the same time, they resist having anyone else make decisions for them. They want to avoid being controlled, but are also afraid of taking responsibility in a way that might put them “in the line of fire.”"

Next bit only applies to pre-tadpole Nøkk, but it's interesting to consider that in the context of the Bhaal temple once again.

"Sixes attempt to build a network of trust over a background of unsteadiness and fear. They are often filled with a nameless anxiety and then try to find or create reasons why. Wanting to feel that there is something solid and clear-cut in their lives, they can become attached to explanations or positions that seem to explain their situation. Because “belief” (trust, faith, convictions, positions) is difficult for Sixes to achieve, and because it is so important to their sense of stability, once they establish a trustworthy belief, they do not easily question it, nor do they want others to do so. The same is true for individuals in a Six’s life: once Sixes feel they can trust someone, they go to great lengths to maintain connections with the person who acts as a sounding board, a mentor, or a regulator for the Six’s emotional reactions and behavior. They therefore do everything in their power to keep their affiliations going. (“If I don’t trust myself, then I have to find something in this world I can trust.”)"

And then!

"The biggest problem for Sixes is that they try to build safety in the environment without resolving their own emotional insecurities. When they learn to face their anxieties, however, Sixes understand that although the world is always changing and is, by nature uncertain, they can be serene and courageous in any circumstance. And they can attain the greatest gift of all, a sense of peace with themselves despite the uncertainties of life."

YEAH!!! That's a big part of Nøkk's arc!!!

The development levels are also fascinating. I think Nøkk starts the game with level 4. I wouldn't say these are necessarily accurate to him, but the levels do help me with fleshing him out a bit more. Like, I do love the unhealthy levels, but Nøkk is also highly preoccupied with how others view him so it takes some grade A turmoil for his facade to crack even a bit.

For the wing thing, he's 6w5, and his weaknesses are spot on lmaoo

"Enneagram 6w5s tend to be stressed and drained by needing to express themselves emotionally," YEAH HE DOES. Nøkk is soo unbelievably emotionally constipated. It would kill him to speak his emotions out loud.

He also had a pretty high score in types 3 and 5, and the next bits are so Nøkk

"Key Motivations: Want to possess knowledge, to understand the environment, to have everything figured out as a way of defending the self from threats from the environment."

"Become image-conscious, highly concerned with how they are perceived. Begin to package themselves according to the expectations of others and what they need to do to be successful. Pragmatic and efficient, but also premeditated, losing touch with their own feelings beneath a smooth facade. Problems with intimacy, credibility, and "phoniness" emerge."

I know Enneagrams are pseudoscience and don't capture the full range of multitudes humans and characters contain but this was so much fun and very useful for fleshing my boy out further!

[balanceoflightanddark]

Thanks for the tag @waterfire1848

1. Avatar: The Last Airbender, Azula: Honestly some of you should've seen this coming. She's one of the characters I connected with the most. Her struggles felt real. Her triumphs were energizing. And her fall was...well it was heartbreaking. I am glad she finally got a one-shot, but honestly she deserves a lot more.

2. Godzilla, Godzilla: You should've also seen this coming. Guy's a pop culture icon and has cast a shadow over media for 70 plus years. And he's STILL going with a great movie being released this month. Hero. Villain. It doesn't matter because he's not going anywhere.

3. Kung Fu Panda, Po: I'll be honest, this guy was my hero growing up. Or one of them at least. As someone who grew up having low self-esteem and wanting to not be...himself, Po was legitimately inspiring since his struggles felt so real. Which made it all the more sweeter when he genuinely became that hero he always wanted to be.

4. Mass Effect, Wrex: In a series filled with awesome characters and thought-provoking stories, Wrex is, in my opinion, on top of the list. A disillusioned bounty hunter who is counting down the days till his race goes extinct regains his will to fight for a better future and redeem his people. There's something...I guess you can say that's human about his arc.

5. Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Edelgard: I made a whole post detailing why she's my favorite. Destined to be a weapon and a monster, she rejects that fate and frees Fodlan from the real enemies in the Church of Seiros. She's inspiring. She's charismatic...and she hides in her bedroom when her teacher sees the fanart she made of them.

6. Naruto, Kaguya Otsutsuki: ...okay okay. I get she's not the best-written character in the world. I'd even argue she has so much wasted potential. Still, I felt she was a powerhouse and I do have a lot of fun coming up with headcanons and analyzing what little we do get of her. Plus she's extremely hot.

7. The Lion King 1994, Simba: He was one of my favorite Disney heroes growing up, and that really hasn't changed all that much. Goes from a carefree kid who's excited to be king into a wise leader who frees the Pride Lands. While he's not the most original character out there, his character arc was pretty powerful and is still one of the best Disney has to offer.

8. Beast Wars, Dinobot: Well if anybody wants to know my favorite redemption arc, here you go. Dinobot started out as a begrudging ally of the Maximals who, despite having a code of honor, often butted heads with the heroes (especially Rattrap) since he was still an opportunistic Predacon. At first. Over time though, his rough edges begin to smooth out considerably and he becomes more noble. Up to the point he makes the ultimate sacrifice to save mankind and screw over Megatron's plans to atone for his sins. Primal said it best: "He lived a warrior, and died a hero."

9. Lord of the Rings, Samwise Gamgee: Lord of the Garden. Come on, I think anyone would like a friend like Sam. Initially a bit of a comic relief, it turns out he has more guts than most men and is willing to throw down with opponents far out of his league. And in the case of Shelob: winning. He gives some of the best dialogue and ultimately manages to carry Frodo up the side of Mt. Doom and thus help thwart one of media's greatest villains just by being a stalwart friend. A paragon for the simple folk.

10. DC Comics, Clark Kent/Superman: There's a reason why he's considered to be one of the greatest superheroes ever. Despite being given great power, he's a farm boy at heart and loves helping people instead of lording it over others. He's smarter than he looks, and ultimately is the friend everyone wished they had. Time again he's challenged by changing morals and an ever cynical world, and time and again, he proves why the world needs a Superman.

@mousegard, @crunchy-multi-fan-one-9, @prodogg, @prying-pandora666, @azulas-daddy-kink

10 characters | 10 fandoms | 10 a negotiable number of tags

Tagged by @zukoisblorbo 💜

1. Sokka: atla - I love a silly guy who would wear Crocs and make dumb jokes/puns and complain all the time.

2. Mizu: Blue Eye Samurai - 😍😍😍

3. Bob Belcher: Bob's Burgers - there might be a theme to this and it's bisexual disasters

4. Marceline the Vampire Queen: Adventure Time - goodness I love her songs and her story line and ah

5. Korra: tlok - this counts as a separate fandom right? Korra has reminded me that healing isn't linear

6. Inosuke Hashibira: Demon Slayer - I just love idiots

7. Howl: Howl's Moving Castle - again, I love bisexual dumbasses

8. Hestu: Legend of Zelda - he just makes me so happy

9. Cherry: Sk8te the Infinity - I also want to be a grumpy man with long pink hair

10. Hua Cheng: Heaven's Official Blessing - (⁠๑⁠♡⁠⌓⁠♡⁠๑⁠) pls

I'm gonna tag @naberriesamidala @unacaritafeliz @zukkaturtleduck @transboyzuko @xieliansbignaturals

[bylertruther-moved]

also also also ALSO very curious as to where the byers are gonna live next season. bc even if they patch up the cabin.... doesn’t it only have two rooms? and it’s... a cabin? lol. are jonathan n will just gonna cohabit the living room or smth? and if will n jonathan just live with the wheelers in their basement or whtever it’s like. well. would joyce even let tht happen? jonathan would go with will anywhere, but joyce is very much... joyce, even if she did go to alaska without telling anyone lol. and if they did go to the wheelers... that’s all the way across hawkins. so it’s like. I Have So Many Questions Too Many Questions And No Answers

[linkspooky]

The Hands that Will Save the League

In chapter 321 we're reminded once again of the reoccurring motif of hands reaching out to save someone in need, especially with the double spread close-up of Iida's hands reaching for Deku's hands. I couldn't help but think how this could apply to the league of villains. Hand symbolism has always been associated with Shigaraki (duh), both in the fact that his hands destroy everything they touched, and also his reason for being a villain stems from the fact that not a single hand reached out to save him that day. However, we've also had another character in the league with hands drawn up close and personal reaching out to save the others: spinner.

1. Just an Empty Cosplayer

I'm not the first one to make this observation. @codenamesazanka pointed this out long before me, especially in regards to Spinner's importance to the league, but basically, Spinner's role is that despite being a teenage mutant ninja turtle he's also the everyman of the league. He's not connected to the main conflict of the story by bloodline or legacy, the way Shigaraki, Dabi, and Compress are. He's not someone with an incredibly powerful or deviant quirk like Twice or Toga. He is a victim, but he doesn't have the elaborate villain backstories of Twice, Shigaraki, Dabi, and Toga.

He literally is just some guy with a lizard quirk. He has the weakest quirk in the league and the weakest reason for why he joined the league. Spinner faces societal abuse because of his quirk, but what spurred him to action was seeing Stain appear on TV, and a desire to be a less empty person than he was before. Spinner was pushed, he was rejected by society, but I would say as an inverse to the league who are driven by extraordinary circumstances, Spinner is basically an every man who drives himself to keep up with the rest of the league despite seemingly lacking everything "special" they have.

And I believe this every man quality, and this drive Spinner has is what's going to be the key to piecing the league back together. It's because Spinner sees himself as so far behind the rest of the league, and so much less special than they are, that he's driven to try to understand them.

Not only is Spinner a member who has tried to understand every member of the league in one way or another, Spinner is also someone who similiar to Sihgaraki foils every single character in the league despite just being an everyman.

2. Spinner and Toga

While Spinner and Toga may not have the same level of development to their interactions as Twice and Toga, Spinner reaches out to her once but not twice, and there are a lot of parallels you can draw between the characters.

Both Spinner and Toga joined the league for the same reason, an empty admiration for Stain, without really caring about Stain's ideals. Toga admires Stain because he's covered in blood and fighting for something and she wants to become more like the people she admires, Spinner because he saw himself as pathetic for hiding in his room all day and when he saw Stain taking a stand trying to change the whole world on his own he wanted to become that way too. Which means both of them have a tendency to want to become more like the people they admire, because their own sense of personal identity is so weak.

Himiko and Spinner both define themselves by the way society has rejected them. Spinner has internalized the idea that he's an empty person who can't accomplish anything on his own, every terrible thing other people said about him due to his heteromorph quirk he accepted it. At the same time, Toga was somebody born with a "dangerous quirk" who was told to repress it and then did that living under a fake identity as a normal school girl that would please her parents and the people around her for as long as she could. Both Toga and Spinner are taught by the society around them to be self-loathing and to repress themselves because of their quirks. They're also characters who are both defined by a desire for release.

When Spinner asks if Toga still wants to be in the league because of Stain and she responds, Now I wanna become everyone I love. Spinner comments, "You're so free."

Spinner and Toga both claim they joined the league because of love for another person, they both loved and admired some aspect of Stain, but their real reason for joining, or at least the reason they stay is that deep down both of them desire the freedom to be themselves. Toga wrapping her desires up in language like love for other people, and wanting to become them, is because deep down she believes because of her quirk there's no one who would accept her for herself, as the normal girl she believes she is, no one will let her live as Toga thus she tries to become other people. It's the same for Spinner, who believes he can't be anything other than the Lizard Freak, so he too tries to dress himself up and become a Stain Cosplayer. It's only through the league's acceptance that Toga and Spinner slowly begin to learn that they are good enough on their own, just as themselves, and their priorities begin to shift.

3. Spinner and Twice

Twice and Spinner have several backstory parallels already. They are both characters affected by poverty, Spinner lived in a backwater town plagued by old views of heteromorph quirks, Twice lost his parents and began working to support himself at a young age before becoming homeless. Spinner and Twice were also both labeled in a way that stuck with them, after Twice got a criminal charge in an accident on his permanent record he couldn't find another job after being labeled deviant. Spinner was labeled as a deviant because of his quirk and the idea that he's a lizard freak has always stuck with him the same way that Twice has internalized the idea that "bad people don't get saved."

They also both chose to isolate themselves because of the circumstances they faced. Twice's first response to homelessness was to decide to never trust anybody but himself, and he became a criminal who pulled off heists with only clones of himself as team members until that stopped working for him. Spinner's response was also to shut himself away in his room and become a NEET. They both cut themselves off to the society that labeled them as unacceptable, but in the process they also cut themselves off from other people and became unable to trust others.

While they have major backstory parallels, I believe the greatest parallel between them is going to be that Spinner will inherit that role that Twice had for the league. While Shigaraki is the leader, Twice more than anybody else believed the League to be a family, and encouraged everyone to be friendly with one another.

It's Twice more than anyone else who emphasizes the bond of the league, that they're all strays, that they need to take care of each other and save each other. It's Twice who urges Shigaraki to save Giran because he's one of them. He makes the unspoken bond of the league as a group of miscreants into a spoken one, because Twice wants those things, he's well aware of the fact that he wants trust and acceptance and came to the league to find those things. This is the greatest thing that ties Spinner and Twice's characters together, because they both view themselves as worthless, they define themselves by how they help the other members of the league.

Twice's death so far isn't something that has been really capitalized on by the plot, Hawks has yet to face consequences, we haven't gotten to see much of the league's reaction because they were scattered soon afterwards. However, if Twice's death is going to cause development eventually I believe it will be in the vacuum in the league created now that Twice is gone. There is no longer someone who is urging all of them to be together. Twice's death causes most of the league to become less stable. Toga goes on a killing spree, Dabi attacks Hawks, Compress tries to kill himself in a heroic sacrifice, Shigaraki hasn't gotten the chance to react yet but he's also gotten worse considering he's currently possessed. You could even say that Twice's death has caused other characters to double down on their worst habits.

Dabi's worst habit is that he acts separately from the league and refuses to participate in the group dynamic, believing himself to be a solo avenger. Dabi not trusting or telling the league what he was planning on doing with Hawks, as a consequence of his decision to play solo avenger, caused Twice to trust Hawks which led to his death. Hawks was the one who killed him but Dabi played a part, and when Twice dies Dabi obviously reacts to it, but also his decision is to double down on his bad habit, insisting he's only using the league and he doesn't care about the rest of the group. Toga also doubles down on her bad habit, she runs away from the rest of the league and insists she's only doing this for the freedom to do whatever she pleases, not because you know Twice got killed right in front of her. Compress's arc is less pronounced, but he also does, in fact, try to kill himself in a grand heroic sacrifice for the rest of the league.

When twice dies the league begins to fall apart and everyone acts on their individual worst flaws, ignoring that they were always stronger together as a group. However, there is still one person who wanted the exact same thing Twice did, to be trusted, to belong to a group. This is most likely the role that Spinner is going to grow to, someone who is trusted by everyone in the group.

Notably, when Toga is about to run away it's Spinner who reminds her that the league is a place for them to come back to. Toga who was probably the closest to Twice and spiraling the worst because of his death, and Toga and Twice's friendship was the first time we really saw how much of a "bond" the league had formed with one another, because in the camp arc they barely cooperated, only begrudgingly. It's Spinner who who emphasizes that even though everyone in the league is doing this for individualism "doing what they want" that they are also together as a group. Spinner is set to inherit Twice's role as the heart, because one he tries to understand other people in the league making the effort to reach out, and two Spinner is aware of what he wants just like Twice he wants to be trusted by the rest of the group.

4. Spinner and Dabi

This one is a little bit harder because Dabi's character arc really hasn't started yet. We have just now gotten to the reveal of who he is and what his motivations are, after it being a mystery for so long. However unlike the rest of the league, we haven't really seen how Dabi has reacted and changed by becoming a part of the group. Even if his motivation isn't "I'm only using them" and deep down he really does care, I don't think he's even realized yet that he does care or that he's not just using them. Dabi still believes himself to be alone, and therefore he's still isolated from the rest of the league and flying his revenge quest solo even though he's really not.

In that case, the biggest parallel between Spinner and Dabi is that they both had to be won over by the league. They both joined because of admiration for Stain, probably because Dabi genuinely believed in Stain's ideals of taking down impure heroes because it fit his own agenda so well, whereas Spinner is a self-proclaimed empty cosplayer.

Spinner, however, has already gone through an arc where he was dissatisfied with his reasons for joining the league and didn't believe he belonged with the rest of the group. He didn't have anything to love like Toga. He didn't know yet he wanted friends he could trust like Twice already did. He doesn't have a strong backstory motivation like Compress, or Dabi or even knows what he wants out of society. However, the entirety of MVA is Spinner letting himself be changed because of his interaction with the group.

Spinner failed at life, his quirk is worthless and only good for sticking to walls. He also internalized the idea that he himself was a failure, and locked himself inside believing he couldn't accomplish anything on his own. Spinner says he has nothing he loves, and nothing he wants to do. Not only that he feels unloved and unwanted. However, Spinner finds something to love in Shigaraki, even if he can't find a strong sense of individualism and still believes himself to be worthless he becomes motivated to help others. Spinner, the most normal person in the group with the most worthless quirk, becomes the greatest help to Shigaraki, basically once he gets over himself and his preconceived notions of himself. Because, you don't actually have to be a special person or have a strong quirk to be a hero, you have to reach out a hand.

The same way Spinner was won over by the League, Dabi has yet to be won over. However, if that does happen, it's probably going to look like Spinner's arc. Dabi antagonizes Spinner a lot, but they actually have more in common than they do differences. They both have failure quirks, while Dabi has an overwhelming fire quirk he wasn't allowed to use, Spinner is literally just a gecko. They both also were labeled as disappointments and given up on, Enji gave up on Touya, Spinner never had any potential from the start and locked himself away in his room. However, their paths so far have been opposites, Spinner let Shigaraki reach him and became a part of the group, Dabi at every possible opportunity insists he's doing this all alone. He takes every chance he can to separate himself from others. If Dabi's arc is going to be a mirror to Shoto's arc eventually, then someone has to reach him and convince him he can't do this all on his own, and Dabi can only truly find himself when he's part of the group once more. After all, so far Dabi is the one most resistant to change. Toga's goal has changed, Shigaraki's changed, Spinner has changed, even Compress now admits that while they're just a gang of thieves that he cares more about everyone else's dreams than his own. Dabi is still nursing a ten-year grudge against Endeavor and doing everything he can to take him down on his own because he hasn't let the group in. And he won't improve or change until he does let others in.

5. Spinner and Shigaraki

I love Compress but I'm skipping over him because his arc hasn't been elaborated on yet. If you want a quick summary though, both Spinner and Compress didn't believe the group to be anything more than a gathering of selfish criminals, however, both of them changed because they wanted to see Shigaraki's dream come true. Not only was Shigaraki the one who inspired both of them to change, but also Compress is the one who first sees how close Spinner is to Shigaraki more than anyone else in the group was.

He also sacrifices himself BECAUSE he's come to realize that what he wants more than his own dreams is to see everyone else's dreams come true. I know Compress's backstory is rushed as all hell, but it almost... almost... works because Compress isn't actually doing this because he's Oji Harima's grandson. His motivation changed a long time ago, he just didn't realize it until he was about to lose the league.

There are a few more parallels, they're both dropouts. It's implied that Compress was literally just a retired and failed stage magician before he decided to become a villain. Hopefully we'll become more on that later because the idea of Compress sucking in showbiz so he decided to follow his grandfather's legacy is really awesome. Spinner was a Neet before he saw Stain on television. They also both have more minor quirks, Compress just shrinks people, Spinner sticks to things. They both also are characters who don't seem important at first, but consistently hover around in the background constantly making sure everyone in the group is okay. Compress calls to check up on people, he talks to Dabi a lot, he tries to keep up with everybody in a melee, it's the little things he does that make Compress same for Spinner. They're both cosplaying as legendary villains who are greater than they are, Stein is cosplaying his grandfather, Spinner is cosplaying Stain, but it's unknown whether Compress really cares that much about his grandfather's ideals, I think he cares about the league more. Compress and Spinner are also people who question and try to understand things, Compress lectures the kids that they had their ideals handed down to them for adult, Compress realizes Spinner's importance to Shigaraki before Spinner even did, Compress and Spinner also both try to understand other people's dreams because they're lacking in their own. Spinner doesn't even have a dream, but he's the one who listened to Shigaraki's dream first.

Now it's been directly said by canon that Spinner and Shigaraki's connection is the most developed, and they are the closest to one another. By developed I mean, it changed over time, when it started out they had almost nothing to do with one another. Spinner was just a rank and file league member that Shigaraki used on the hideout raid. They didn't even get a character introduction scene like Shigarki did with Dabi and Toga.

However, Spinner and Shigaraki's characters are extremely closely tied together. Shigaraki's like the main character of the league, his backstories parallel everyone else's, including the main character of the entire story Deku. He's the one who makes the plans, goes through training arcs, he's the one who the league unites around. However, Spinner actually has all of that too. I just spent a very long time showing how Spinner despite not having an overly complicated backstory has strong parallels to everyone in the league. If Shigaraki is the main character, then Spinner is the everyman / the perspective character, hence why he's the narrator of MVA. Shigaraki is a person of extraordinary circumstance, the symbol of society's oppression who everyone in the league deepy relates to because he's suffered the same way that they have and he accepts them. Whereas, Spinner has suffered because of Hero Society too, he's more like a normal guy who makes an effort to understand everyone around him.

However, Deku wasn't saved by his love interest, or even his childhood friend who is apparently his destined rival, he was saved by Iida trying his best to keep up with him.

Spinner and Shigaraki are both the emotional core of the league in different ways. The league all respects Shigaraki, they rally around his ideas, his dreams are what inspire everybody. However, more and more it's looking like Spinner, ordinary, average, Spinner is working to build emotional connections to everyone in a much more normal way. He talks to Toga and tries to understand her love. He even consoles Toga when twice is gone. He challenges Shigaraki directly to his face. Compress who is always sort of watching the league in the background and checking up on them in little ways notices how hard that Spinner is trying to take care of Shigaraki.

Shigaraki accepts people at their worst and gives them a place to belong, but I think by Spinner's efforts to get to know and understand others, we as an audience are shown how humanizing of a presence that Spinner is on everyone else. Spinner, just being a normal guy, brings out the fact that the rest of the league despite their extraordinary circumstances are deep down just normal people to, who want to be loved normally, and live normally. Spinner literally wakes up Shigaraki, because he remembered the one time that he opened up in front of all of them, and cares enough to try to understand Shigaraki's hurt feelings and what he cares about.

If anything from the last arc in the manga, we're shown at great length, how understanding, reaching out, it all takes effort and it's not as flashy as defeating a villain or rescuing someone from a natural disaster.

Spinner is so important to Shigaraki, because while Shigaraki has given everyone in the group a place where they can be individuals, Shigaraki hasn't realized he himself can be an individual yet. He ultimately, shares the same character flaw as Deku. It's because he's decided that he's going to carry out his dreams for the sake of the league and to create a better future for them, that Shigaraki no longer cares what happens to himself, or about his own future. Everyone talks about Dabi's suicidal nature, but this is something that Shigaraki is challenged on over and over again. What are your motivations. What are your reasons. What do you want to accomplish. He always responds with nothing. There's nothing that he wants, there's nothing worth living for, he only wants to destroy and make a better world for the people who are around him. Shigaraki is the most thoroughly dehumanized character, to the point where he just straight up accepts "god of destruction" because that is at least an identity. Shigaraki needs Spinner and his normalizing influence, because Shigaraki can't see himself as a normal person.

Shigaraki shares the same character flaw as Deku, he does everything for the sake of others, with no regard to himself, which leads to extreme bouts of self-harming and fighting alone. Shigaraki faced off against Endeavor, and basically all the heroes alone even though he did call for backup. However, even before that Shigaraki made the decision to get dangerous risky surgery that would be like hell, because he believed deep down he wasn't good enough alone. Shigaraki just does not care about himself and is unable to see himself as an individual, which is exactly why he needs someone to care for him and see him that way.

Shigaraki's greatest challenge to date is that he's been dehumanized so thoroughly, and lost sight of himself to the point where he's lost even his own body autonomy. When Shigaraki is battling for possession of his body as AFO attempts to take total control and make him into a symbol again, denying him his personhood, we're set up directly with Spinner being the one who reminds us that Shigaraki is just a person, who likes video games, and gets along with his friends. It's Spinner who notices right away that AFO is different from Shigaraki and challenges him the same way that he challenged Shigaraki directly in the My VIllain Academia arc. This is all set up most likely, for Spinner being the one to reach out a hand the same way IIDA did, because what Shigaraki needs the most right now, is not a hero who will save him, but rather a normal person who will understand him and remind him that deep down he was just a normal kid too before all of this happened. What Shigaraki is most in need of is a hand that will reach out to him, and Spinner has already done this once putting Nana's hand back on his face when he couldn't wake up, but what he's failed to realize is that it's his own scaly lizard hands that should be doing the reaching out.

[epickiya722]

I'M JUST DONE!! 🌌💥👊

No, 'cause I will never understand people who want Uraraka Ochaco aka Uravity to be nothing more than Midoriya's wife at the end of the series so they can have babies.

One, they obviously were not paying attention to the fact that this story is how Izuku became the greatest hero. Not him being a husband or a dad.

A hero.

As much as it's joked about, at the end of the day... MY HERO ACADEMIA ISN'T A LOVE STORY.

It's a Shonen about a society where people have powers. An action story! It DOES NOT NEED ANY ROMANCE TO BE A FINISHED STORY!

On that note, if you seriously want Ochaco and Izuku to be together at the end of the story just so they can have babies, go ahead and unfollow me. Block me. Whatever, just don't come to my blog anymore.

Believe it or not, Ochaco did not pursue her education to be a hero because of Izuku. She did it because she wanted to take care of her parents. Which as IIDA stated is rather selfless of her. (Agreed.)

That is an example of her making her own choices without the need of being the "love interest".

You know what, a pattern I notice with anti BKDKs with Ochaco is that she can't seem to exist unless she's Izuku's girlfriend. Look, you can dislike BKDK, personally I don't give a damn. But why at the expense of Ochaco?

What? She can just be friends with Izuku at the end? What if she turns out to be lesbian? Or ace?

"But what about the scenes where she blushes and --"

Obviously, you're living under a rock. Some people do have that period of time where they think they're attracted to the opposite sex or even have attraction at all before they realize "Hey, maybe I'm lesbian. Maybe I'm ace. Maybe..." and so on.

When Mina shouted "it's love", that was just planting an idea of what Ochaco was feeling. Did it mean it's romantic love? No!

Also, Iida was also mentioned and I'm sick of ya'll turning a blind eye to that.

SHE HANGS OUT WITH IIDA, TOO. As big as Iida is, some of you be acting like he's invisible.

She has a meaningful relationship with him, too. Oh, but I guess he's not the main character and a "stick in the mud" (WHICH IS FALSE!!) then he's not important.

Alright, okay.

Oh! I have something else! And it pertains to Katsuki!

It is very clear that him and Izuku are connected, their relationship is the most developed in the series. However!

Just like with Ochaco, Katsuki is still his own character. He has his own moments that do not involve Izuku.

He is his own character.

With that said, regardless of how My Hero Academia ends, I DO NOT WANT TO SEE ANYONE UPSET ABOUT BKDK NOT BEING CANON AND CALLING QUEERBAIT OR SENDING DEATH THREATS TO HORIKOSHI OR ANY OF THAT BULLSHIT!!

I do not need to see a repeat of SK8.

Again, this is a story about a kid becoming a hero. NOT SOME ROMANCE!!

At the end of the day, within the story, romance does not fucking matter when SOCIETY IS IN SHAMBLES BECAUSE SOME GUY IS CLAIMING HIMSELF TO BE ALL POWERFUL, THE DEMON KING, WHATEVER IT IS!!

These characters are trying to SURVIVE. THERE ARE KIDS FIGHTING IN A WAR!!

And some of you are worried about them not kissing?!

In my opinion, the best thing Horikoshi could do is leave ambiguous endings to ships. Like no ship becomes canon.

BECAUSE YA'LL ARE INSANE!!!

I have my ships, too, but damn. I rather see the big bad get defeated and the kids get the break they need and graduate!!!

Also, just because two characters don't kiss, doesn't mean the ship isn't canon. A romantic relationship doesn't have have be about kissing and sex, jeez.

Really, actions can be platonic or romantic. It just depends on how those who initiate those actions feel.

I really need some of you to OPEN YOUR MINDS. READ SOME FANFICTION IF YOU WANT SOME ROMANCE!!!

Calling Horikoshi or any other mangaka and creator "messy" for not giving you ship content when it's not even the initial intention especially if their story isn't even a romance is some entitled ass bullshit.

[huntunderironskies]

Sacred and Profane: Hunters in Darkness

I originally posted this essay about Hunters in Darkness on my Twitter but finding it again is probably a nightmare at this point. Fortunately tumblr is far better for archival purposes. So, disclaimer: the actual document is really long. Like. 5K words not counting the footnote jokes, making the whole thing like 11 pages long. Apologies. I have strong feelings about them and their direction in Werewolf 2e.

Point is I realized that posting the whole thing here would be a bit excessive, especially since there are a bunch of jokes requiring formatting and footnotes that would not transfer over well to tumblr.

Anyways! For that reason I'll put a little teaser here, the first section of the essay. If you like it, the full writeup is here! I even go into game design and how to better play a Hunter in Darkness a bit. :>

---------------------------------------------

What is sacred? It's a question most people can't answer without a tautology. It's difficult even for religious scholars to define. Trust me, I’m studying it. At least it's not "what is a cult" because that's even harder. Nevertheless, here's my best attempt.

The sacred is a series of actions, place, or object meant to connect those participating to a greater power. And we can't talk about the Hunters in Darkness without talking about the sacred and how it's interpreted in werewolf society. To the Uratha, the single greatest show of devotion is the hunt. And as the corebook says, a Hunter in Darkness is never truly off the hunt. The sacred is at the core of their culture and being. You don't join unless you have at least some reverence and awe at that which is greater than yourself.

There’s a couple reasons I’d argue this. Firstly, Purity is about following the Oath above all else. It’s an ancient code that doesn’t follow human morality and doesn’t necessarily let you do what’s right. It’s what you have to do because it’s part of the tradition. It’s what your role is as a child of Father Wolf and Mother Moon. And it means abandoning both your role as spirit-being and your role as human to be the greater sum of two halves.

It’s appropriate that the Tribal prey of the Hunters in Darkness is Hosts for this reason. Yeah, I know, we call spirits little gods of the Shadow. Not all of them are. Every Host is part of a god, though. Every time you fight a Host you’re trying, while knowing you’ll almost definitely fail, to finish what your Father couldn’t millenia ago and kill an actual no-shit god. This is a grudge that’s lasted since your own gods wandered the Earth, before humans could build cities, domesticate animals, or grow crops. You’re never going to solve it, but you keep fighting it because you have to. Of course it’s nonsensical. Of course you could take a harm reductionist standpoint and deal with what’s more practical. But you don’t, because that’s not what you should do, and that’s not what lets you connect to that higher power and greater history of being Uratha.

That’s being a Hunter in Darkness. That’s what a lot of other takes on the Tribe seem to skim over. As a side note I’m going to use the phrase “holy site” often, this isn’t necessarily a mus-rah but can be. The Tribal Oath implies you can have more than one holy place on your territory (or just in general) so I’m running with that.

Anyway. Let’s explore the concept of the sacred as a defining concept of the Hunters in Darkness, but first some diversions.

You want to be a Hunter in Darkness because...

You want to get in touch with your primal side and embrace not being human anymore

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” is a philosophy to live by

You feel deeply connected to the world around you and can acknowledge you’re just one part of a greater whole

You believe some things are sacred or divine, and you are determined to protect them

You don’t mind doing tactics some might find unsavory to do so, because... 

Fighting fair is a human construct, and you embrace the fact you’re a wolf now

[CONTINUED HERE!]

[lightaflametoburnmethrough]

A Study of YunaAki Analysis #3 - Healing & Choice

Akiho and Kaito.

I’ve talked about their characters separately in these two analysis posts and now I think it’s time I did one focusing on their relationship as well.

And frankly, you’d have to be very shallow-minded and stupid to not acknowledge that their story IS all about acceptance and consent.

(also, please note the ENG version of Clear Card has a lot of translation errors. Read the JPN version or meimi-haneoka’s summaries of the chapters for the correct narrative)

Acceptance especially because it reinforces the authors’ message on love: it’s not about WHAT a person is but WHO they are to you personally that matters the most.

Let’s start with a quick review.

Akiho and Kaito both had terrible childhoods.

Akiho was harshly criticized from an early age for not having any magic, which greatly damaged her self-esteem and left it in an almost crippling state. Then she was forced, without her consent or even knowledge, to go through a ritual that would turn her into something non-human for the sake of her clan’s greed.

Kaito was abandoned as a child and taken in by the shady Magic Association so they could exploit his impressive powers. They had no interest in raising him properly or helping him foster his own will, only calling on him when they needed someone to do their dirty work (ex. ordering him to take up rewind magic, which is known to shorten the caster’s life force). As a result, for the longest time, he only ever knew how to be someone else’s tool.

No family to protect them. No friends to talk to or play with. No one.

It is no surprise that they’d grow up struggling with depression when their very surroundings existed to traumatize them further into the submission of cruel and amoral people monsters.

It is also no surprise that when the opportunity came for them to escape that misery, they’re doing everything they can in their own respective ways to be free of the Squids + Association for good.

As someone who’s been through child abuse and is fighting against mental illness on a regular basis, I cannot even begin to explain how much I connect with these two. How much YunaAki’s journey means so much to me personally.

It has gotten to the point that I can only view them as the greatest concern of Clear Card.

Because I know for certain that nothing bad will happen to Sakura and her friends. The kind of story that CCS is and the genre it falls under will not permit anything but a safe and happy (and fair) ending for its heroine and all those acquainted with her. And CLAMP themselves reiterated several times that “Sakura will be alright.”

So there is really nothing for me to worry about there. Sakura has plot armor. She’s going to be perfectly fine and I’m glad for that because that means I can fully invest all my attention in the ones I relate to the most.

Yes, I do see myself in Akiho and Kaito.

Not to the same extent, obviously, since they’ve lived way more horrific lives that I was very fortunate to avoid.

But still, I can understand where their pain is coming from based on my own experiences growing up.

That’s probably why during their first scene together, when Akiho put herself down as a “bother” out of habit and Kaito immediately stepped in to reassure her “you have never once been a bother to me”, I automatically knew without a doubt there was nothing remotely toxic about their relationship.

Because if he were taking advantage of her, if he did harbor ill intentions, there could’ve been other ways for him to tie her to him. With guilt or psychological manipulation or whatever. However, his words held no deception and clearly showed only a need to make sure Akiho was okay first. All the weight of what’s important was transferred to Akiho...leaving none for himself.

With Kaito, there’s always an emphasis on Akiho’s well-being before anything. He’s not always 100% good at handling that (because he’s human and therefore, flawed and prone to making mistakes like the rest of us) but it’s very obvious he always wants to do what’s in Akiho’s best interests.

Furthermore, the fact that Akiho isn’t afraid of him, is comfortable with him in her presence, speaks volumes of how positive an influence Kaito has been in her efforts to move past the ordeal that was her early childhood.

Because please remember, when Akiho was still living under her clan, all she was ever told (by her own kin) was that she was “useless”.

They didn’t have a single kind word to say to her. They constantly scorned her and left her alone with only books for company.

So whenever someone approached her, she’d be overtaken by fear. Fear that she’ll disappoint again. Fear that she’ll cause a burden just by existing as “useless”. Fear of being hated.

Do you have any idea how cruel it is to instill those thoughts into a little girl at an age when she’s just beginning to develop her sense of self?

How messed up does one have to be to ever think it’s okay to treat a child like this? To deny them the love they deserve and punish them for things they have absolutely no control over?

This isn’t some bullshit method to “build character”. Degrading someone, bullying someone repeatedly for whatever reason will never be anything but harmful and there can be absolutely no argument that the victim is always the one who’s going to be hurt the most.

This is exactly why Kaito taking Akiho away and refusing to return her to the custody of the Squids and the Association was the best decision he ever made.

It was the first step towards freeing Akiho (and him) from her abusers, from the ones determined to chain them down so hard that they’d never dream of defying them.

Over the years they traveled together, Akiho and Kaito changed. They learned for the first time what it felt like to not suffocate under someone else’s control and judgement. They began to truly live and grow as their own persons because they were in the company of the right people.

And that was each other.

Everything that we’ve seen about their journey up to Tomoeda, everything we’ve heard Akiho or Kaito or Momo share about their time together before reaching Japan supports that.

First of all, Kaito made the conscious choice to go with Akiho because he did not want her to stay among people who wanted nothing more than to destroy her for their own gains.

He knows better than anyone what kind of environment it is to live among power-hungry magicians. Even at such a young age, he was perfectly aware that he was only in the Association because his powers were wanted, not because he was.

That’s so fucking depressing. For Kaito, who was still just a little boy back then, to become so disillusioned with the world that he lost hope that anyone would care enough about him for him and not his magic. It got to the point where he couldn’t bother to care about himself anymore, only eating the minimum to get by and letting the Association use him as they pleased until his life finally expired.

If he turned out like that, that what would become of the girl who had no powers at all? How much worse would it be for her?

So much worse.

Because even Kaito couldn’t have predicted that the magicians would jump on his comment about her being “like a blank book” as a reason to turn her into a guinea pig. He said those words hoping they would realize since she’s of no use to them, they can let her go live a normal life...which was something he couldn’t have.

He wanted Akiho out of the magic world and tried to do that even before they met.

Despite having little frame of reference for human kindness, Kaito still possessed a lot more of it than all the members of the Squids and Association combined.

Akiho was still a stranger to him then, their only connection being that Kaito spoke with her mother, Lilie, a couple of times. He didn’t know Akiho yet but he didn’t want this poor, orphaned, innocent little child to suffer.

So you can imagine the guilt that wrecked him when he later found out the ritual, the experiment to alter Akiho’s body into a storage item for all the world’s magic, was a success.

Kaito was the most powerful magician in the Association. There’s nothing, no magic he couldn’t master. Yet the one thing he wanted to do (i.e. free Akiho), he failed because he underestimated how twisted these magicians could be.

Therefore, when the chance presented itself on who would travel with Akiho around the world...he took it. He volunteered to go and never looked back once he and Akiho set off on their journey.

For Akiho’s sake, he was never going to let her return to the place where there was nothing for her but despair to begin with.

Then during the years they spent together, he made another conscious decision.

To be the exact opposite of how her clan treated her. Where the Squids neglected and always harshly reprimanded Akiho, Kaito chose to be kind and gentle and understanding.

He talked and listened to her when nobody else did.

He learned to cook, to perform domestic chores, to do anything that would make Akiho’s life a little more comfortable and happier than it was before she left her clan.

He asked for her preferences, offered her options and most importantly, never demanded anything from her. Because 1) he was in no position to due to the pretext of his “job” as her caretaker/attendant and 2) his primary goal seemed to be creating an environment where Akiho would learn that it was normal to choose for herself and want to be happy.

Because the Squids were never going to give her any of that. They want Akiho’s soul to be erased in order for the artifact to be completed. As Kaito said in chapter 35, it would be easier for them to control something that had no will.

An instrument is meant to be used as such. It’s a tool. A tool doesn’t have a personality or feelings. It cannot resist orders.

That was what life was like for Kaito when he was still employed in the Association. They preferred a Kaito who didn’t care, who didn’t question things and just did as he was told. They did not teach him how to think for himself so they could continue to manipulate him into using his powers for their ambitions.

That is a violation of consent, especially so because Kaito was still a child when it happened. Being so young and so emotionally deprived, he did not have the capacity to fully comprehend the extent of something so important...and the magicians took advantage of that.

And Kaito likely became more aware of how wrong his situation was after he came to know Akiho. Akiho, who was now going through the same thing he did with the added dread of literally losing everything that defines her as Akiho forever.

That’s why he’s so desperate. He’s doing everything he can to make sure that won’t happen. He doesn’t want Akiho to end up worse than he was. A doll with no mind of its own for other people to abuse over and over and over.

It is through these actions of his - of being caring and kind towards Akiho, of reassuring her through her self-deprecating episodes and encouraging her to not be afraid to choose - that allowed her real self - a warm, bright, energetic and compassionate young girl - to finally come out from hiding.

She gradually began to trust him, to be more open with him, to smile for him and express gratitude and concern for him...and through interacting with her, he came to know his own heart. He became aware of his own humanity along with the feeling of what it’s like to love someone and be loved in return.

What they severely lacked from the adults who were supposed to act as their “legal guardians”, they found in each other.

That’s where healing starts.

By being around those who lift you up, not pull you down.

What Akiho got out of this relationship was a person who truly cherished her for her and not what she did or did not have. Kaito is her first friend, her first confidant, her first sense of it meant to have a family. It was because of Kaito that she could finally believe she wasn’t alone in the world. That there was someone out there who could accept her for who she was, not what she was.

What Kaito got out of this relationship was a person who treated him like a real person and not a convenient errand boy. Akiho inspired him to care, bringing out the gentle sides to him that he didn’t know he had because the environment he was “raised” in stunted his ability to empathize. He began to do stuff he normally wouldn’t do because they were a “hassle”. He found far more meaning and purpose with her (even in the most mundane things like brewing tea) than he ever did with the Association. He didn’t need to be powerful or possess magic to have worth. He just needed to form a true connection with the right person and through that, he would no longer be lost on what to do with himself.

So it is not at all unnatural for them to come to love each other beyond measure. To even fall in love with one another because nobody Akiho or Kaito knew before they met went as far as they did for each other. Because nobody YunaAki knew before each other could really comprehend the hell they went through. At least, not better than they themselves can.

Not even Momo or Lilie or even Sakura, the closest people to YunaAki there are.

Sure, Momo has her own history and share of tragedies and possesses a lot of wisdom, making her more than qualified to be the parental figure YunaAki direly need. But her nature as a supernatural, ageless being is the degree of difference that sets her apart from her charges.

Momo is a witness to their journey, their ever protective guardian but she is not the one for either Akiho or Kaito and she knows this. Which is why she always pushes YunaAki to become even closer because if there’s anyone who can help them fight their demons the best, it’s each other.

Momo watched these two grow up in front of her own eyes so nobody knows better than she does that there isn’t anyone else that’s as suitable for Akiho as Kaito is and vice versa.

Also, as their responsible chaperone, Momo wouldn’t have let Kaito near Akiho if he were truly a danger to her, much less agree to contract with him in the first place. The fact that Momo still remains on Kaito’s side as of right now in the story (ch 61) is the most solid proof that Kaito isn’t scheming to hurt Akiho.

Then Lilie. Lilie was the first person to ever approach and treat Kaito like a human being. She didn’t seek him out for his powers but rather, appealed to him like a motherly/auntie figure would to a kid by offering him snacks and spending time to talk with him.

Her genial effort to guide Kaito onto the path he’ll eventually take left a strong impression on him, yes...but it was never meant to be more than that.

Lilie is not the one either and she also knew this.

Because she saw the future in her dreams, already knew that Kaito and Akiho would meet and paved the way for that so that Kaito would take the initiative to go to her daughter on his own accord. Because Lilie already had her own beloved, knew what it was like to have that one special person to love above all others, and wanted Kaito to be able to find his as well because doing so would save him.

But also because despite them both being very powerful magicians, they led very different lives. Whereas Lilie was actually valued among the Squids and enjoyed a certain amount of freedom and grew up with a healthier mindset because of it, Kaito was blatantly used as a magical resource by the Association with no regards to his emotional needs as a child, resulting in him having the lowest opinion of himself.

Just like Akiho, her own daughter, would as well.

Knowing these two needed someone, and not just anyone but someone who could truly understand their personal plights and know how to support them, Lilie made the decision to say these words to Kaito so that they would act as a beacon in his mind towards his future:

The “like/love” that belongs only to you is surely waiting for you out there, waiting for you to realize (them)

“You will come to know love. And you’ll know it is love because there’s nothing else in the world that can make you feel that way”

It’s Akiho. Because Akiho is the one who moved Kaito to make the very first decision for himself in his life. She’s the only one who could and can drive him into action, to make him feel anger and sadness and want to fight this hard for something.

Everything Kaito does, it is for Akiho’s sake. To change the impending fate of her losing her soul. To give her a world where she no longer has to cry.

Lilie saw this in her dreams and pushed Kaito towards it so the future where YunaAki save each other could be fulfilled.

Finally, Sakura. Sakura is the personification of CCS’s main message (that unconditional love should not discriminate) as well as the ally YunaAki need right now.

She is a person who will prove to YunaAki that she is worthy of their trust after so many betrayals they went through. She won’t judge them or turn them away but instead choose to help them because that’s the right thing to do. Because warmth, hope and compassion are the cruxes of her character.

She will definitely not stand for YunaAki getting less than a happy ending after everything they’ve had to endure.

However, Sakura is not the one either.

Because there's a limit to how much she can comprehend about either Akiho or Kaito’s pain. Even with the synchro “assisting” her somewhat in empathizing with Akiho through dreams, those are still not Sakura’s feelings, memories and experiences. They are Akiho’s and cannot be transferred to anyone else.

Akiho and Sakura are very distinct from each other, individual of each other because of that. Therefore, the depths Sakura can reach can only go this far.

Adding onto it, the rest of the original CCS cast come from very privileged homes where love, support and protection were always available to them. They were never lacking in what mattered most.

So it would be very difficult for them to try and navigate through a situation as horrible, heartbreaking and complicated as YunaAki’s. Considering the majority of them are still children themselves with barely any experience into how the real world works (and most of them can’t be told the secrets of magic anyway) while the Clow faction is more inclined to protect Sakura than anything, it’s hard to picture any of them having a genuine interest in wanting to truly know the newcomers of this arc.

There aren’t enough significant bridges established between YunaAkiMomo and the members of Sakura’s group for that to be portrayed believably.

Don’t get me wrong, they’d still show sympathy because they’re good people, after all. Any decent person would when they hear about the atrocities of abuse or the serious trauma caused by mental illness.

But the way this story is structured so centrically around its main heroine, I doubt anyone except Sakura can manage to close the distance with YunaAki. And even then, because of the reasons above (and how much YunaAki will actually let her in into that part of their lives), she can only do so much.

Which is fine. It’s not something to fault Sakura or the other characters for. The important thing is that when someone is in trouble, another person steps up to help those in need. And that’s Sakura’s role in YunaAki’s story. That’s more than good enough from her.

However, for Akiho and Kaito to be able to truly overcome the obstacle that is their pasts, I believe it is the most crucial that they have at least that one special person who they know can accept them wholly and whom they can be totally free in front of.

Free to share their thoughts and feelings without that reluctance of possibly being a burden to the other.

Free to talk, cry, rage and completely let go about everything that upset them and still be there to hold each other through it all, tirelessly reassuring “you’re going to be okay, I’m here for you”.

Akiho and Kaito deserve someone who will know the right words to say and the right things to do in order to comfort them, to help them heal. They deserve that one person who they’ll look to when they feel insecure and their anxiety will vanish because “you know me, you get me without trying, you understand even without me having to explain.”

Ch 61 pretty much confirms that’s the case as far as Akiho’s side goes. A developing case, at least.

Sakura had offered to listen to whatever Akiho wished to share on Akiho’s terms (ch 56) and for that, Akiho was grateful.

However, the fact that Akiho hasn’t done so yet shows that she still needs time before confiding in her friend about her family affairs which are tied directly to the most vulnerable parts of herself.

On the other hand, with Kaito in ch 61, Akiho really didn’t worry at all about taking up his time. When she asked if they could talk a little, she already knew he’d be willing and ready to listen, just as he always is (for her).

Because he’s known her for far longer than Sakura does (years as opposed to Sakura’s few months) and most importantly, Akiho knows that Kaito is aware of her coming from a clan of magicians. This is not information outsiders (which Sakura falls under) are privy to so for her to speak openly about the Squids in front of him...it not only proves he’s not an “uninvolved person” but also shows how much she trusts him to discuss something so personal.

And when he defended Akiho against her reiterating the clan’s disappointment (”in the end, she (I) can’t do anything”), she was only lightly surprised before she smiled and shook her head at his apology for acting out of line.

As if saying, “It’s okay, I know you meant well. I know you got mad for my sake.”

Akiho doesn’t have it in herself yet to be angry at her clan...so Kaito gets angry for her instead.

With that, she knows that she’s cared for. With that, she knows he feels and cares for her very much.

And that’s all Akiho ever wanted, really. A person to be on her side.

Because she has that, because she has Kaito, Akiho has already become stronger than her scars of the past. Sure, the pain will still be there because it always hurts to not be wanted by your own family...but that no longer matters as much as the present she has now. The present where she has friends who swore to do anything to help her and not let her feel lonely. The present where she can smile happily from the bottom of her heart.

The present Akiho that became possible because Kaito was there to understand her, defend her and fight for her.

Nobody ever did that for Akiho and nobody after Kaito will ever go to the lengths he did for her either. Because nobody else loves Akiho as much as he does.

And now Akiho wants to do the same for him. Because she cares greatly for him, too. Because he’s her most important person and she truly loves him and doesn’t want to lose him.

Even though Akiho isn’t aware of Kaito’s powers or the secrets he’s been keeping behind her back at the moment, that doesn’t mean she’s going to abandon him when she learns about them. Especially when he was the first person to ever accept everything about her and do everything within his ability to make her happy.

It would be extremely OOC of Akiho to act that way and go against everything the authors have built and established about these characters.

That a relationship goes both ways, not one.

That a relationship is not easy, perfect or automatic. It requires time and patience and learning to get through the hurdles and barriers between two people.

For Kaito, that is more terrifying than dying because all his life, he’s only ever known of being used by others, including himself in his goal to save Akiho. So it makes sense why he harbors distrust against the world. Why it’s so difficult for him to believe he can be anything good for Akiho.

He can give and give and give...but he refuses to receive help from her in return.

He thinks so little of his own welfare, is so full of self-loathing and on top of that, carries the immense guilt of putting Akiho in this situation when in reality, he was only doing what he could to prevent it. And there was no guarantee that she would’ve come out safe even if he didn’t make that “blank book” comment because the Squids, being the psychopaths they are, surely would have thought up other cruel uses for her even if they didn’t turn her into an artifact.

Yet he still sees it as his responsibility to correct it. To do whatever he can to eradicate the danger planted inside her by the magicians. He’s willing to give his very life to apologize to Akiho because he doesn’t think he can make it up to her any other way.

However, anyone can die. It’s not difficult to die.

It’s living that is so much harder.

But at least, by properly facing your feelings, you have the chance to release all that inner turmoil and anguish trapped inside. After that, the “load” on your chest doesn’t feel as excruciating and you can slowly work on getting better.

......in theory, it’s easy to say. In actuality, it’s not easy to do.

Because to understand yourself...requires having to relive all your horrible experiences, nightmares and regrets before coming to terms with them.

When I began my sessions with my therapist, it took me several weeks of crying out all the emotions I’ve bottled up for over 20 years before my mental state went back to being relatively stable. Though it was liberating, at the same time it was very difficult to work up the courage just to talk about it. It felt so awful to feel all that pent up hurt just hit me at max capacity.

So imagine how much worse and scarier it is for Kaito, who is shouldering so many issues right now and not once has given himself a relief from them. His severe low self-esteem that left him convinced he’ll always be alone, that no one would miss him if he’s gone. The painful solitude he still remembers before Akiho came and changed all that. The massive guilt that crushes him every day over how he put his most important person in the situation she’s in now and how that same guilt is what’s keeping him from reaching out to comfort her because he doesn’t think he has the right to be close to her.

The distress over how he and Akiho are running out of time (his health rapidly deteriorating because of using too much rewind and the artifact starting to shut out Akiho’s consciousness), the pressure of Sakura’s group closing in on him now that Sakura is aware he’s a magician, the fear that he won’t be able to protect Akiho from the European magicians...and the persistent determination to save Akiho nonetheless in spite of all these odds against him.

Not to mention, another danger of someone’s magic possibly going berserk during this whole mess. Because remember, in CCS, people’s powers are connected to their emotions. So if he loses control over his magic because of that, there’s no telling what harm may befall him or Akiho or anyone involved.

Subconsciously, Kaito might have realized this...which may be one of the reasons he’s turning a blind eye to his feelings. To maintain control of the situation.

He cannot risk getting distracted, not even for a moment. He can’t allow himself to let down his guard at anytime because doing so might just mean losing everything he’s worked so hard to achieve up till now.

And that’s a common defense mechanism, really. We all hide behind a smile, sweep what’s bothering us underneath the rug, in order to try and function normally throughout the day.

Nobody wants to suddenly find themselves in a meltdown. Nobody wants to feel so vulnerable, lost and utterly helpless when they can no longer deal with the weight of their problems and crash from that.

Not to mention, it’s so obvious that Kaito’s the type that loathes to be a burden to his loved ones and you can see it in the way he always deflects Akiho whenever she shows concern for his health and begs him to rest.

He’s always like “Please don’t worry about me, think of yourself first.”

Again, he doesn’t think he deserves to receive Akiho’s kindness so he often tries to steer the conversation away from him and make her the subject again.

But this also stems from his struggle to really trust anyone, to be willing to rely on others for support and not do everything alone.

Not only is Kaito adamant that Akiho shouldn’t be plagued with his problems, he also doesn’t believe she can bear the weight of them. In other words, the truth about himself.

That he’s a magician and a powerful one at that. That he used to be associated with the people who put her through that ritual. That his “blank book” remark is the cause for why she’s in this predicament even though that was never his intention.

That he planned all this. Taking her from Europe all the way to Japan, letting her meet Sakura, synchronize with Sakura, all for the sake of his wish (to save her).

How would Akiho react to that? Would she detest him? Hate him for what he’s done, what he is? A calculating magician who’s been manipulating the events around her newfound best friend?

It’s such a terrifying idea, the thought of the person you love most hating you.

And it gets even scarier because what if the shock of the reveal breaks her heart and belief in people forever? Then Akiho will never be happy.

If there’s a risk of that, then Kaito will surely think it’s not worth it to tell her. Moreover, it’s far too dangerous with the current circumstances. The seals he placed on the artifact (ch 35) have already been broken (ch 49) just by Akiho’s sadness breaking to the surface in response to Sakura’s words about wanting her friend to be happy.

The progression of the artifact is triggered by Akiho’s emotions and if she feels anything of intense negativity, then she (her soul) can be instantly swallowed up and he’ll lose Akiho.

It’s not worth it. If not knowing keeps her safe, Akiho never has to learn the truth about him. As long as she can smile and have a warm future, he’d be glad to erase himself from her life. He’d be happy to die for her (the reply to her “the moon is beautiful”/“I love you”).

He believes he isn’t of any value to anyone anyway so what loss will there be if he’s forgotten by the end of all this?

But Kaito underestimates just how strong Akiho really is, especially when it comes to her feelings towards him.

There is no way her love is that weak that she’d be okay about letting him leave her like that. She’s constantly on his case, telling him he should rest because she can see through his perfect mask how fatigued he is. She’s always worrying about him and becomes so sad when he won’t let her do even that.

Akiho’s willing to go through any lengths to protect Kaito as well, just like he’s been doing for her this entire time.

And she’s demonstrated that when it comes to perseverance and courage, she is the stronger of the two of them.

Akiho isn’t afraid of getting hurt and it shows because every time Kaito brushes her off, she comes back and tackles harder. She’s essentially telling him “rely on me, you don’t have to be afraid, I’m here for you”. She can handle any turbulence that comes their way because she knows her love for Kaito is greater than any hardship she’ll face. She knows it’ll be alright as long as she has that.

So even if she does get shocked by the truth, it’s only going to be a minor bump in the road compared to fearful prospect of losing her most beloved person forever.

The truth is, Akiho has always been fighting since the beginning even before she met Kaito. And she’s only gotten more resilient with time thanks to Kaito removing her from her poisonous clan and bringing her into a safe space so that her true self can properly flourish as it’s meant to.

Akiho resisted giving into bitter hatred when she had every right to lash out against the world for what it’s done to her. She retained her kindness and compassion and chose to focus on what’s most important to her: the bonds with the people she cares about.

So the issue of whether she can accept the truth about Kaito or not is pretty much nonexistent. Because she loves him for who he is, not what he is.

The person she fell in love with is the Kaito who she’s known for years, has been by her side for years. The Kaito who took care of her, supported her and gave her everything she’s ever wanted and needed.

So what if he’s a magician? That’s just one part of him. It doesn’t wholly define him and it isn’t a problem for her to unconditionally love that aspect of him as well.

Because please, please, please understand, what hurt Akiho the most wasn’t magic itself but people that did. It was the heartless, selfish community (with their fucking goddamn ableism mentality) she was born into that ostracized her and made her feel like shit. Not magic.

Akiho may be young but she’s not dumb. She knows how to tell good people and bad people apart. Therefore, there certainly can be good magicians that stand apart from bad magicians as well.

Sakura’s definitely a good magician and would never make Akiho cry or cause her to feel less for not having any powers. And Akiho adores Sakura and cherishes their friendship so much that something as trivial as magic can’t stand in the way of how dearly think think of one another.

So if Akiho is determined to hold onto this bond she has with Sakura, how the hell can anyone fathom she wouldn’t want to do the same for her relationship with Kaito, who isn’t just the most important person in her life but also the very first good person she’s ever known? The first good magician who’s also currently fighting tooth and nail against death to free her from that society that still wants to hollow her out into a husk?

That’s absurd.

Again, Kaito means so much more to Akiho than what he is. He’s more than just her caretaker, more than just a magician. He’s an extremely kind and devoted young man who had a very unfortunate upbringing and is tormented by the past.

He’s just like her.

That’s why, even before she learns the truth about him, Akiho already on some level knows him. She’s had years to observe him and his mannerisms and behavior.

And because they’re so similar, she can definitely understand him and relate to his pain better than anyone else can. It’s not the magic she sees, it’s the person he is.

Akiho is more than strong enough to accept Kaito and support him through his troubles. Nobody’s forcing her to and she’s not doing it out of obligation. She chooses Kaito because she wants to of her own will.

Honestly, this kind of connection is incredibly rare (even among non-romantic love as well). For someone who can see everything you are, the good and the less than ideal parts, and say “I will accept all of you, I am not afraid to love you.”

It does not mean omitting their faults. Rather, it’s the strength to acknowledge, embrace and forgive the fact that nothing is perfect. It’s to not let your perspective be ruled over by prejudice. To not let one small, superficial aspect stain the beauty of the entire picture.

So what if Akiho can’t do magic? That’s not going to make Kaito love her any less because he’s already seen, already knows, that just having magic can never compare to a fraction of the sum of all the great qualities Akiho does possess. And he knows this better than anyone because he’s been with her longer than anyone else has to witness them!

So what if Kaito is a magician? That doesn’t erase all his efforts to help her escape her toxic family and his desire to keep her safe from harm. It doesn’t negate his pure feelings of wanting Akiho to receive the happiness she truly deserves. That is what’s matters. That is what’s always going to mean more to her than anything.

YunaAki are never going to forget those things, the most important things, about each other. Nothing can make them, it’s impossible.

The way their characters are written, separate and around each other.

The way their relationship is portrayed with layers upon layers of complexity, transcending things like age or gender or sexuality.

The reason why CLAMP suddenly brought the phrase “ 私だけの人” (“The only person for me”) into the story right when we’re reaching the start of the climax of CC. Right when we’re finally getting the overdue extended exposition into Akiho and Kaito’s pasts.

The incredible stroke of luck that out of probably a billion chances, YunaAki were able to find the one special person meant solely for them and them alone.

It is to illustrate the authors’ intentions regarding these two persons. That no one else can love them better, can love them the best, than they do each other.

YunaAki aren’t only compatible because they’ve got similar backgrounds (and therefore, also have similar understandings) but also because they have a special sensitivity to one another that nobody else does.

Even though their real personalities are quite different (Akiho being more optimistic and outgoing with Kaito being more moody and cynical), when they’re around each other, they show sides of themselves that no other person has that ability to bring out.

Kaito’s eyes don’t soften so gently for anyone else but Akiho. He’s not attentive towards anyone else like he is towards Akiho.

When she’s hurting, he so evidently aches for her as well and you can see it in all the expressions he makes whenever he’s around her.

And when Akiho is super happy or wishes to discuss something she feels very deeply for, it’s always about Kaito.

Nobody else can get her to smile, so warmly and brimming with quiet but potent affection, like Kaito can.

“The one who brings out the best in me is you. The one who makes me feel the most beautiful and precious is you. The one who will give me the greatest despair is you if I ever lose you.”

The only one.

The one they can’t afford to spare, not even for the world. The most important one.

Which is why they’re fighting. At the end of the day, it’s not about who wins but what one must do in order to not lose.

Putting everything on the line for the sake of love. As proof of one’s love.

I believe this is the narrative Ohkawa-sensei is going for here. And you know it is because this theme is universal in CLAMP’s works and has actually been stated by Ohkawa herself (check the wiki, I believe she said it a press conference).

Well okay, we get all that about acceptance and what’s important but where does choice fit into this spiel then, hm?

Because yes, even if Kaito is intent on saving Akiho and hiding things from her for her own safety (reminder that the artifact can activate at any moment), Akiho will not approve of him trying to force-give her happiness this way, especially at the expense of his own life.

...among several other problems since we still don’t know the exact details of his plan. The only things about it that has been confirmed by Kaito’s own words are:

1) He needs Sakura to manifest a specific card in order to activate Momo’s book, the pivotal key to accomplishing his wish.

2) Sakura’s other Clear Cards (and possibly the artifact inside Akiho as well) can act as some sort of “fuel” to power Momo’s book or the taboo of the book or whatever.

In short, some sort of spell is needed to save Akiho. So what is the purpose of this spell? What does it do?

There are a bunch of theories going around including Kaito possibly wanting Akiho and Sakura to switch lives (though ch 61 seems to be disproving that atm) or trying to the reverse the state of Akiho’s body to the moment before she underwent the ritual. Maybe he might even want to create a copy of Sakura’s “perfect” life (thereby messing up the time-space continuum?) ...but make it so it’s a world without magic and insert Akiho in it?

We don’t know and none of us can claim confirmation about anything until CLAMP finally reveals Kaito’s intentions in future chapters.

What we do know is that Kaito sees absolutely no hope of him coming out of this alive.

The repeated use of rewind magic causes him severe seizures and now he’s passing out from the exertion of it as well. Kaito barely has enough left in him to even stand and yet, despite Momo warning him against it multiple times, he refuses to listen.

Because saving Akiho means so much more than preserving his own life, which in his mind is just a small price to pay.

Because he believes Akiho must choose happiness for herself. Whatever that means, whatever he envisions for her as “happiness”, he needs her to choose that.

That’s probably what he’s been conditioning her to do from the beginning when they started traveling together. That’s why he’s always offering her options , to get her into the habit of choosing what she prefers. To think about what she wants.

“Please don’t worry about me (I am of no value), think about yourself.”

Choose a normal life where she can have a loving family and good friends and a future.

Choose a life where there is no magic which consequently means a world without him since the only thing he sees himself useful for is his magic.

Kaito seems convinced that magic is the source of Akiho’s pain...so without it, without him who unknowingly cursed her into her fate, she can finally be free.

But that’s just what Kaito believes in that stubborn head of his, drowning in all his internalized self-hatred and guilt. Again, right now, he has no idea just how much Akiho loves him and how much it will hurt her if they’re torn apart.

As long as he remains unaware of her true feelings, he will continue to go down the wrong path. He will continue to avoid facing his heart and his death will cause Akiho an even greater grief than any actual happiness he wishes for her.

He will not realize that his pursuit for an ideal world for Akiho is what effectively deprives her of her choice on what happiness means to her.

And that’s to be with Kaito, her most beloved person, always.

If Kaito dies, they lose that forever. They cannot go back on it.

That’s why it is extremely crucial that Akiho confess to him again, this time with the more direct “I love you”.

Only by getting across to Kaito that she loves him dearly, that she sees him as special and the one person she doesn’t want to live without, can it put a halt to this downward spiral of self-destruction.

Moreover, by choosing Kaito over a “perfect world”, Akiho will teach him the real meaning of the word “choice”.

That she chooses Kaito for him and not his magic. That even with magic, she can accept all of him because there isn’t a single thing about him that she doesn’t love.

And just as he chose of his own will to save her and give her freedom, Akiho will choose him to give him his - to free him from the belief that he’s destined to be alone.

By knowing he is not alone, that he is cared for and loved by someone, Kaito can begin to properly heal. He can finally learn to trust someone, to believe that he too has a right to live, to have a place to belong to in this world (with Akiho, by Akiho’s side).

He will no longer have any reason to die. He will not wish to leave Akiho because doing so will only bring her endless despair and if there’s anything we can be sure of, Kaito will not accept any outcome where Akiho is less than happy.

To conclude this overly long ramble (yea, it’s ramble-analysis at this point...rambalysis?), everybody chooses their own happiness. It’s not something another person can decide for them.

Choice also extends to those we love and how we love them.

By choosing to love the correct way...that is, by supporting each other, caring for one another, accepting one another for who they are and not what they are...can we hope to find, to become, the true love we’re looking for.

True love brings out the best in people, allows the real strengths of their characters to bloom and thrive as they’re meant to.

True love heals, helps us become stronger and better than our old selves so that we don’t lose to our weaknesses of the past.

True love will never intentionally hurt you and even if there is pain, it’s the proof that you’re alive. Alive to feel, alive to hope and to fight. To choose your own happiness.

That is the meaning I’ve found in YunaAki.