#AMAL FOR GETTING YOUR LOVE BACK

[bi-bats]

ALSO!!! i wanted to let you know that i placed The Echo Wife and Vicious on hold at the library on your recommendation and theyre gonna take a while to get to me but im excited to read them!!! so thank u for the recs in your response to one of my asks a bit ago!!! 💕💕💕

SKSJSJSJSJAKAK YESSSSS I LOVE THOSE BOOKS SO SO MUCH OH MY GOD 😭😭😭 VICIOUS IS SINCERELY ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVES AND THE ECHO WIFE IS ONE OF MY MORE RECENT FAVES BUT AKSJSJSJKSKA PLEASE DM ME ABOUT YOUR THOUGHTS WHEN YOU READ THEM I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THEM ALWAYS!!!

[aces-and-angels]

verification source (no. 175) follow: @amalashuor @moatasim20101010

to my moots/lovely lurkers: if you've been following me for a bit then you may remember my first post i made for amal and her family in late june.

in a short span of time- amal has become a dear friend of mine and her campaign has been able to receive a significant amount of traction thanks to everyone who has continued to share her messages with the world. i'm writing you all today to share amal's latest message to me:

several friends of mine have heard the same sentiment shared by other ghazzans: the rafah crossing may reopen very soon

the targeted attacks within the gaza strip are ramping up- with several massacres being executed by the israeli army in one day. this is a deliberate tactic used to conceal the true extent of their war crimes. families like amal are scrambling to raise enough funds to be able to cross into egypt. with this latest revelation of the border reopening- the time to act has never been more crucial.

so far, amal's family has raised ~44% of their goal (€13,288/€30,000)

please share her campaign as much as possible + donate if you can so they may all get to safety

amal was my inspiration to launch the art campaign boost. because of her, several families have been able to gain more visibility on this platform. please continue to give them all your undivided attention/support.

amal's message:

Hello Can I tell you all the words in my heart? I sent you back because I really need you Here in Gaza, news is spreading that the Rafah crossing will return to work at the end of this month But I did not raise enough money to leave Gaza Please tell the whole world to help me so that the campaign reaches its goal before the end of the month so that I and my family can get out of this extreme danger. Please do everything you can for me💔💔

tagging for reach: @magnus-rhymes-with-swagness @aria-ashryver @ascindio @malcriada @lampyri

@appsa @turian @timetravellingkitty @palms-upturned @riding-with-the-wild-hunt

@mydemonsdrivealimo @monmonp0k @mimibayra @three-croissants @ascindio

@saibug1022 @cadybear420 @thosehallowedhalls @sneakerdoodle @gaiuskamilah

(if y'all can think of more people to tag- @ em)

[neil-gaiman]

Hey Neil! So I'm trying to get one of my good friends back into reading again and sent him a short story from the Uncanny Magazine website (Seasons of Glass and Iron by Amal El-Mohtar is amazing!!) He told me he was suspicious of it, because why would a popular author put their work online for free? I wondered the same thing- do reading communities prioritize access to knowledge more, or is it something else? Since you've written short stories for many magazines, I was wondering if you could give me your take on it?

Thanks, and have a lovely day!

We do it for lots of reasons. The best way to sell someone a book or magazine is to let them know that they'd like it, after all. Your friend is probably also suspicious of the kinds of supermarkets that hand out free cookies or cheese...

(Here's my website, with lots of free stuff on it:

[nkogneatho]

since everyone's exams are close, i want you to remember it's good to have academic validation. we are proud of you for working hard and chasing your dreams. however, don't forget that you are allowed mistakes. you are human and no matter what you do, your best is all you can give. there's nothing beyond that. it's good to challenge your capacity but it is also good to remember that you gave whatever you had. and if you're unmotivated to study and then stressing over why you are not studying, that's okay too. don't try to gulp all the syllabus in a day. try to break down on what's important and do that.

here are some tips that help me keep my sanity during exams and hope it helps -

Take a 8 hour sleep. Believe it or not, it increases your efficiency. And if you're thinking about taking a nap, take a nap for 1 hour and 30 minutes. less than that and you will risk constant headache.

Eat something for fuck's sake. If you keep your tummy happy, your brain will be happy to memorize stuff. Try eating a proper meal instead of amall snacks for a whole day. (the good idea is to meal prep a week before or make a one pan meal)

Before studying, close your eyes and meditate for 10 minutes. breathe in for 5 sceonds, hold for 2 seconds and then breathe out for another 5 seconds. If you tind it hard to focus, you can put on some forest music in the bg.

Don't completely abandon phones or laptops and stuff, if you feel like you are addicted. here's a trick. Most of the time we keep scrolling because we lose traction of time, but if you set a 10 minutes alarm, you will be reminded that it's time to get back to studying.

Last but not the least, don't deprive yourself of little moments of happiness just because exams are close. They are just exams. Yes for some people it's their everything but it doesn't define you. Take a walk in a garden or down the street. Meet up with friends. Cook your favorite meal if you have time. Do your skincare.

Remember that you will reach your highest good if you keep doing good things no matter what. Your success is inevitable. All the best for your exams. No matter the results, everyone loves you <33

[sarahreesbrennan]

Also also: is there any way, or will there be any way, for readers without whichever special edition (?) it’s in to read “Letters to My Lady from the Abyss…”? Reading your Reddit AMA in a desire to know more about this wonderful book and the idea of a tiny bit extra has me 👀

Thank you for wishing to know more! FairyLoot special edition is the special edition with bonus content. I will explain more. FairyLoot is a wonderful UK-based group who make fancy special editions for their monthly boxes. People sign up for FairyLoot and get books picked for them. You can get Young Adult, Adult Fantasy, or Romantasy, or a combination thereof - Long Live Evil was the August Adult Fantasy pick - and you can buy other special editions from their website. So the FairyLoot folks are Tastemakers as well as makers of beautiful objects. (ISN’T IT BEAUTIFUL? Pictures stolen. Interior art by Bon Orthwick who got Marius’s hair PERFECT.)

But you can’t buy the monthly boxes, unless they have extras! If they do have extra Evils to buy, I will put up a link.

There are many boxes now, but FairyLoot and Illumicrate are the two biggest and have made a lot more people embrace reading and see books as a special treat. Waterstones and Barnes & Noble have started making special editions of books because of them. A while back I knew none of this, because I was staying away from publishing, working with IP books (very different branch of publishing) and training for a different job. But then I did a catch-up call with my frien. She talked about FairyLoot. I did not understand her and thought maybe the deadlines had got on top of her and she believed fairies had looted her manuscript.

Holly: So these FairyLoot editions have (She holds up a copy of… I think… the Coldest Girl In Coldtown?) been amazing for UK sales.

Sarah: Sorry but why are these books so beautiful?

Holly: Because I just explained to you why, girl. Sarah: Can I have this.

Holly: No they’re limited!

So then I knew FairyLoot was a Giant Deal and they were offered Long Live Evil but I was sure they wouldn’t pick me.

My lovely editor Jenni: great news, the FairyLoot people picked you! Sarah: are you. are you quite sure.

Jenni: … yes? Could you write them some bonus content? Sarah: YES! A thing I can do for them? Oh yes! Here’s three things I can do. Tell them they can pick which one they would like!

I wrote a letter for them as well, to be bound in with the book. But the bonus content is an extra adventure or point of view you didn’t get to see in the main book. FairyLoot picks what they think their readers might like most.

I really like epistolary novels, where the action is told though letters, such as Jane Austen’s Lady Susan and Amal El Mohtar and Max Gladstone’s This Is How You Lose The Time War. So I thought it would be fun to do a story through letters!

Obviously I then had a moment of dark self-doubt.

Sarah: O my god why did they pick this nobody’s going to like him what shall I do! Holly: When I was writing Cardan’s letters you said ‘epistolary is so fun, you said, this is a piece of cake, you said, get in loser we’re writing romantically sinister letters, you said…’

Sarah: my Vision is a romantic The Screwtape Letters. Holly: … oh dear. Okay. Get in loser we’re writing romantically sinister letters.

And so with a lil help from my kind frien, I wrote Letters to My Lady From the Abyss, which is an epistolary short story with a POV we don’t get in book 1 and an adventure we don’t get to see. But I did write it, as you see, for FairyLoot so it belongs to them and it’s up to them. I think I might get it back in a year and then I’ll put it up on my website. I will let you know!

I am so sorry for this very long explanation, I just wanted to let you know what was up.

Should you read it, I hope you enjoy. And I will write more bonus content, I promise!

Also speaking of FairyLoot, they’re doing a readalong of Long Live Evil right now if anyone might like to chat about the book. Here’s a link to people talking about chapters 1-7 - they will do a different chunk every day! I like that people are choosing favourite characters, so far the Cobra, Key and Emer have the votes!

[gryficowa]

Boycott!

From what I saw, there has been no electricity in Venezuela for 10 hours…

Now that I have your attention:

[aquanova99]

Haunted (Cato x Reader)

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Part 12

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Y/Ns POV

This was suddenly so uncomfortable. Not because you didn’t enjoy Cato’s company but because you had to make it seem as if this had never happened before. He begins asking questions you know he knows the answers to, you respond the way you’re supposed to. Laughing intermittently, placing your hand strategically on his arm. Him doing the same but placing his hand on your thigh, brushing a stray hair out of your face. So rehearsed. A perfect execution. Its infuriating.

Neither of you have talked about the kiss the two of you shared. You are almost certain he regrets it. Well, maybe not. But why avoid the topic, or avoid trying to kiss me again? Rationally you know you have to separate your emotions, you know it gives the capitol more to take from you. No one could know about the feelings growing for him. If they were real and not something you are clinging to simply because you need someone then everyone needs to not know. The victors were still undecided on whether snow knows of the act. Take away all of their leverage. Which would great except it wasn’t true at all. Not for you. You couldn’t even think about anyone else. Anything else.

You refocus on your lines. Everything is going perfectly, you could feel people begin to stare as you try and be ‘quiet.’ You wait for the next cue. Five…four….three…two…one…

Cato leans over to whisper something in your ear, “Are you still doing okay?”

You pretend to look surprised and lean over to whisper something back, your hand covering your mouth. “All good. You?”

He nods as if you’ve said something interesting. This is exhausting. How are we supposed to continue doing this? You think about Peeta, and how you’d hated every second of acting regardless of how much you grew to care for him. It was also very easy because no matter what his plans were, he was a great conversationalist. Must be part of deal, I guess. You eventually get ‘interrupted’ by Cashmere, who tells you both to stop isolating yourselves. You go back to the bigger group, and you wonder if Mallory has figured everything out. You hope not. You decide to make more small talk with some of the people who are also worn out from all the dancing, some peacekeepers look at their watch and Darius more or less warns you its time to go home. Everyone is worn out by the time you arrive back at the victors village, Haymitch is too drunk to even walk so Cato and Mallory half drag half carry him to your couch.

Mallory slurs a good night and heads to bed, Amal teasing him about having to carry Haymitch. Cato collapses on the couch next to you. His arm covering his eyes.

“I don’t think him getting black out drunk was part of the plan…” He grumbles

“No, I doubt it would be.” You chuckle, “I wouldn’t think anyone from district 2 would struggle so much moving one person.”

He opens his eyes just to glare at you. Cashmere and Enobaria laugh before saying goodnight. You ignore Cashmere telling the two of you to behave and pretend you don’t hear it. You didn’t want to acknowledge anything other the agreed upon relationship. Both of you depended on each other to avoid any more Capitol advances. You both chose to ignore that night. Well, you tried to ignore it but you couldn’t deny you had thought about how warm you felt upon him kissing you. It ignited a hunger unlike any other, a hunger you didn’t really understand, but you both silently seemed to agree that it was best not to entangle yourself any more than necessary. So, you both seemed to silently agree to deal with the nightmares the remainder of the week. No wonder he was tired. You wished you could just know whether this stupid plan was going to work or not already. Especially because there was no guarantee this would go farther than the two you “falling in love.” I’m sure the capitol would eat that up, two people forced to be kept apart. Best to keep hope at a minimum. Avoid any other feelings you can’t really explain. There may be no avoiding your fate, a life serving the people in the capitol…you can think of nothing worse.

Well… that’s not true. You would gladly do that if it kept your family, your friends, safe. Maybe this plan kept you safe too, that would be nice. You know winning the games painted too large a target on your back, on your family’s back. But maybe you could their attention elsewhere, focus their at you. You bite the inside of your cheek so hard it almost bleeds. The anger will be directed at you…and Cato. And the though of him being punished because of you turns your stomach to lead.

“You’re doing it again.”

His voice makes you jump, you know he knows but you ask anyway, “Doing what?”

“Getting paranoid about all of this.” He gestures with his free hand, and you get slightly irritated that he doesn’t even have to look at you to feel your anxiety rise.

“I’m just hoping Haymitch doesn’t throw up on my floor.” He chuckles and finally looks at you, you quickly stand up and cover Haymitch in a blanket. Trying to avoid any of those feelings that were desperate to complicate things further. You enjoyed his friendship first and foremost, and you weren’t willing to risk that right now by not understanding what exactly you were feeling. So you continue to find things that need to be done, you grab a bucket to put next to Haymitch, grab a wet rag to put on his forehead. You head towards the kitchen to grab him a glass of water before you can acknowledge Cato again, “You should get some sleep.”

“You too.” He starts to walk off but before you can decide whether you feel relief or frustration he stops at the foot of the stairs, “have you been able to?”

You play dumb because you both know the answer, “Able to what?”

“Sleep.”

You take a deep breath, trying to stop your shaking hand from spilling the water over Haymitch as you set it down. “Not really. You?”

“Not at all. Come with me?”

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Catos POV

You really need to know when to leave things alone. You want to tell her not worry about it, to forget about it. But you can’t. The words don’t come, you think in reality, because you wouldn’t mean them. You can only blame yourself. You shouldn’t have kissed her. You needed to prove to yourself you didn’t feel anything for her, not like that. You swore it was guilt for hurting her, or the need to repay her for not treating you the same way everyone else did. No, the only thing you did was confuse yourself further because that wasn’t what you were feeling at all, and the only thing you did was confuse yourself further. Not understanding why she pulled away so quickly, not understanding why you wanted to pull her back, not understanding when you started muddling your thoughts and feelings together.

You could she was hesitant to answer, like maybe she was confused on everything too. And why wouldn’t she be, you had all but ensured that. But for her to accept out of pity… “Sorry. Just forget about it.”

You walked as quickly as you could to your room. You barely changed out of your clothes before collapsing onto the bed, you knew full well this wouldn’t be a peaceful sleep, but may as well try. Maybe it would help you forget how stupid you felt.

It didn’t.

Your nightmares had started off as they always did. You watched yourself in getting ready to run towards the cornucopia. The usual it seemed, you never thought you would long for the usual. Because once it started changing, you felt frozen. People you knew were in your games. People you hated to admit you cared for… Enobaria, Haymitch, all of them running away in the bloodbath. And you were still hunting them all down, unable to stop. You tried to protect them maybe take the hits, but the other you, the one you were always forced to watch would always win. As the games continued you knew what was coming. But you could never quite reach yourself in the dream, as if something always prevented you from taking over and stopping the monster everyone would label as Killer Cato.

It was time for the girl, Dhara. Fuck. The only girl who once made you hesitate was hunched over, same as the games. She seemed bigger this time. She was crying, begging for you to spare her. No… Stop you scream at yourself internally. You know its useless, you’ve never been able to stop yourself. This was different… when she looked up her usual tear stained face wasn’t the one who had haunted you since you won. Oh my god. Stop please. This isn’t the girl. Y/n tear filled eyes look at you through a curtain of messy tangled hair…

“Please…”

Stop. Please. You are trying reason with a dream. Try as you might to stop it, and you do everything to try and stop. You still watch yourself brutally kill Y/n. You scream useless protests. Its supposed to be quick. Its always quick when it’s the girl. Why is the you in the dream dragging it out. Its brutal. You see yourself picking her and pushing her against the cornucopia completely stopping her airway, the worst part is Y/n is still screaming for help. She seems to see you but the you attacking her kills her the second she reaches out. You don’t follow yourself after he’s done. You look at Y/n’s lifeless eyes and you start begging her to stay with you though you know its worthless. Her eye’s still unblinking but her lips start to move. Barely managing to get a whisper out. She’s mouthing your name. This is exactly what would have happened and it makes you sick. Her body begins disappearing and you find yourself panicking trying to figure out how to help

“Cato!” Y/n whispers angrily. You start to feel her arms try and shake you. Your eyes pop up and you begin thrashing. “Stop. Its okay.”

You feel hands gripping your shoulder. You feel stuck and you can tell your pushing Y/n off. You’re surprised at how string her grip is. But your body isn’t listening, its hard to breathe... Your eyes shoot open and you shoot up freeing yourself instinctually. Your head is whipping around. Your eyes are still adjusting to the dark when she sits in front of you and grabs your face, forcing you to look at her.

“Stop.” She almost hisses at you.

You cant breathe right, you blink to focus on her face. Panting as you order your body to breathe. The lifeless eyes that you saw in your dreams don’t match the person in front of you. Before you can say anything she throws her arms around your neck and you have a brief moment of panic before you can hug her back. You realize your holding her as tightly as you can without injuring her, afraid of seeing any damage done while you were unconscious. Her hand is stroking her your head and neck. Your throat feels dry. Before you can offer a hoarse apology she pulls back to look at you.

“Are you okay?”

“Did I hurt you?” Is the only thing that comes out of your mouth

She shakes her head, “No. I’m fine. I’m worried about you.”

She should be worried about herself, you think. She tries to lift up your face to look at her, but you can’t. You used up your words. Your eyes squint as she turns on a lamp. She should just give up. No use talking to you in this state. But that’s not exactly her style.

 “Okay. Its okay. Uhm…” Her words are barely registering, “Can you move your head? Can you nod for me?”

You can slightly feel your head lift up and down twice.

“Okay. Is there anything I can get for you?”

You force your head to shake once.

“I’m going to lay you down, okay?” You finally look at her, her hair is a bit disheveled but nothing like what would haunt you if you went back to sleep. You don’t protest as she gently pushes you back down. You spot the scar on her arm, healed but a reminder of what you were capable of. That the nightmare isn’t too far off from reality. Her hands gently brush the side of your head.

“Should I go?”

You grip her other hand. You feel her place her other hand on yours and peel it off. You start beginning to hyperventilate again before realizing that she is only doing what you asked and laying down. You try and shift to give her as much space as you can. She stares at the ceiling and starts humming some kind of melody. Your eyes struggle to stay open and you try to focus on your partner, your ally alive and breathing. Alive. When it finally does register that everything is okay you fall into a dreamless slumber.

You wake to the smell of breakfast wafting through the house. You r hand reaches out and finds no one beside you. You have a brief moment of panic before realizing Y/n is likely the source of the smell. You try and hurry down, offer some help and an apology for worrying her.

“Good morning! I invited Katniss and Prim over today. Thought I would start with breakfast since everyone was sleeping in.”

“Morning…” You debate bringing it up, but its not something you think she would want to hear, “Can I help?”

“Everythings almost done, I’ll wait on the eggs since they cool down almost immediately when Katniss gets here.”

“Okay.” You decide to start washing up the dishes building up in the sink and try to make yourself useful, “Thank you by the way.”

“Don’t worry about it.” You feel a squeeze on your shoulders as she walks by you and continues keeping busy.

“Did you sleep okay?”

“Of course I did. I hope you got some better sleep.”

“I did.” Thanks to you, you think. You want to say more but people begin filtering in. Amal is quick to run and begin helping you with the dishes, cheerful as always. Mallory gets handed some food and walks out the door, probably for their parents. Amal begins talking away and you’re glad for the distraction. When Mallory comes back with Katniss and Prim, you’re asked to wake everyone else. Haymitch takes the longest but his stomach wins out. Brutus decides to stay back.

“Good morning everyone!” Cashmere floats in, “Y/n, you didn’t have to do all of this!”

“After last night I think everyone could use some food. Please, everyone grab what you would like. You try not to notice Katniss sulking. Prim and Amal immediately begin livening up the room but you’re watching Y/n. Her and Katniss go outside and you have to force yourself to not try and figure out what they’re talking about. Its clear she planned this, maybe since the outing was scheduled to debrief with her “cousin.” You wondered if she had caught on to what Y/n was doing and exactly how much did she already know. And why wouldn’t she talk to you about it? When they come back they both seem more relaxed and the younger kids get Katniss to socialize. Until Y/n brings up something you’d been unaware of.

“So, Mal…did you ever talk to Brutus?” Y/n asks

“Yeah me and Amal have been training. We’re getting better.”

You and Prim freeze. She speaks first, “You’re training?”

“Well, we’ve uhm” Mallory clears his throat, “we heard rumors sometimes family members get picked for the games. Its probably a coincidence but, you know my names in there a few times so I thought I’d train.”

“Its smart. If you guys get reaped then at least you have a chance.” Katniss murmurs.

“I wish I was strong enough to train.”

“Its not always about strength.” Cahsmere shrugs, “some kids use brains, some are fast, others hide, some just have good aim.”

“Then…could we train too?” Prim squeaks out, “My sister has her name in there a lot. And I already got called so maybe they’ll call me again.”

“Would that be okay?” Katniss asked

“That’s a lot of kids.” Haymitch grumbles, “it could draw the wrong attention?”

“Would you be able to not say anything to anyone else?” Y/n asks, she stares at Katniss and they both seem to communicate with eachother without saying a word

“Yes.” She answers back

“We’ll figure something out.” Enobaria continues eating, “to be honest Katniss, from what everyone says. You really maybe need to gain more weight. Oh, and definitely you would need to practice charming the Capitol. If you can do that you could win.”

“That’s the most important thing?” Prim asks

“You have no idea, kid.” Haymitch grabs a muffin and stomps back toward his house. Y/n stares for a moment before standing up.

“I uhm, need to step out. Hopefully I can join you guys in a training session without freaking out. I’ll see you guys in a bit.” She rushes out and you don’t need to look to know shes going to try and talk to Haymitch. The group disperses soon after. Katniss and Prim are given food to give out how they see fit, and Mallory and Amal take some as well to deliver. Its only just occurring to you that this must have taken Y/n hours. You wonder if she actually did have a good nights sleep after all.

“Stop pacing Cato, just go check on her if you’re so worried. We’ll clean up.” Cashmere smiles. You try not to be annoyed at how ridiculous you’re being. You try and prove you don’t need to need to go out, and you get frustrated that you consider listening to Cashmere’s advice. It’s a couple hours before Y/n comes back. You force yourself to stay seated when you hear the door.

She sighs and sits next to you, her head leaned back against the couch, “Its been a day let me tell you.”

“Everythings okay?”

“Yeah.”

“You didn’t tell me about…”

“I know.” She says simply

“Why?”

“I didn’t confirm it until today. We obviously aren’t ready to train anyone. I needed to focus on one thing at a time.”

You cant decide if you accept or hate this answer. “Everyone else knew.”

“Brutus must have told them, I had no idea they knew.”

“Is that what you were talking about with Katniss?”

“Yes.”

“There more.” You know theres more.

“She wanted to make sure I was fine. Which I am.”

“You mean…”

“All I mean is she wanted to make sure I’m fine.” You can tell shes refusing to say it

“She wanted to make sure you’re safe because of me…” You realize you haven’t asked anything, only confirmed all of your worries. They weren’t questions but facts. And you wanted her to say it.

“Because we both freaked out. Kind of like you’re doing right now.” She laughs, “Its fine, I promise.”

You cant, its all you seem to do lately. She reaches out and squeezes your hand. You hold onto it and sit together in silence for awhile until the door opens and her brothers come in with news.

“Everyone says thank you!” Amal beams

“They also keep asking us whats going on with you two.” Mallory sits in front of you and Y/n, you both take a quick look at each other and know they still cant know anything. Y/n laughs first.

“I enjoy his company but theres nothing going on. Just getting to know each other I guess.”

The older of the two glares at you, “I’ll be honest I do enjoy her company more than most people, but we there’s nothing going on. Right?”

The best lies have a hint of truth in them. There really isn’t any hiding that you would rather spend your time with her. Its easy. And you needed easy in your life. But, this is supposed to a drawn out act. So, hopefully she knows how to play along. She does. She holds you gaze for a little longer than you were expecting.

“Uh huh right.” He faces the younger one, “pay up.”

Amal pipes in, “Dang it. Now I have to do extra pushups tomorrow.”

“You guys bet??” Y/n exclaims and throws a pillow in their direction. And they all burst out laughing

“Too easy.” Mallory says. Y/n steers the conversation back to what they saw when they were giving out the food. Mostly its rumors about the two of you, which works in your favor. You can see Cashmere getting close and listening in. Definitely about to report to everyone else. The two hear Enobaria practicing some kind of music and curiosity gets the best of them when Cashmere tells them they can go see. Giving you both a thumbs up before leaving.

“Amal’s going to lose it when he finds out he was ‘right.’”

“He can make Mallory make it up later.” You joke

She chuckles, “Yeah…I did mean it by the way. About enjoying your company.”

You smile at her reassurance. As if she knows your worry about this only being an allyship, “I meant it too.”

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Y/N’s POV

While you’ve learned to love your stylists, they sure have a way of making a girl feel insecure. Flavius and Venia, tsk and sigh about your nails, your hair, your eyebrows… You want to start asking questions about their life in the capitol and let them talk about themselves. But you had an unexpected visitor and your mind is anywhere but here…

Earlier…

You had been taking the last two months to adventure more and more into the forest. Back to the woods you had loved for so long. It was a good way to try and get your bearings. And truthfully, you missed the comfort of the woods, of the solitude it brought. You went as early as you could, especially now that the victory tour was near. You could kind of see Cato wanting to ask to go, he never did and you were glad for it. The more outings you had the more conflicted you felt, you slept together almost every night. It was easy to rationalize you had an ally to watch your back but it was draining trying to decipher what part you were both acting out and what part was possible feelings building for each other or your feelings specifically becoming entangled. The closer you got to the victory tour the less the two of you spoke, further making things irritable and more confusing. So, you did what you always did when you were stressed. You ran to the woods.

You realistically would say yes if he wanted to go with you, but you knew he was wary of anything that might take him back to the games. You wanted to tell him what happened wasn’t his fault, but then you worried that would make it worse. What if he thought you saw him as weak? It was too confusing. So better to let him ask if he wants to go.

“Y/n! Did have a nice walk around the square?” Cashmere ran up to you and kissed your cheek.

Immediately there a chill down your spine. You blink and perk yourself up, “Yeah I just stopped by my cousin’s house.”

“Oh how nice!” Cashmere says in a still too cheery tone, “Good news, we have a visitor.”

Two peacekeepers suddenly appear to usher you into the mostly unused study. Your senses are overwhelmed with the smell of perfume. He looks at you as if you’ve spit in his rich capitol food. You’ve never felt more like running and hiding. And you hate that he’s made it so easy, all he had to do was walk in and sit down. If he’s here, its not good. You wondered where your brothers were. What about the other victors? Is this whole charade over? Did you mess everything up? Were they safe?

“I think we'll make this whole situation a lot simpler by agreeing not to lie to each other,” he says. “What do you think?”

You know if he wanted to, you’d be dead in one second and an alibi would have been planted days ago. So, you had some kind of power here. Right? So, what was it? And how do you find out what it is?

“Sounds good to me.” You smile, “What can I do for you?”

He says something about knowing you wouldn’t be difficult but all you can think is what would happen if jumped across the table and killed him, would the peacekeepers get here fast enough? Would it affect anything?

You agree to cooperate. You don’t feel like dying today, especially not for him. You won the games, couldn’t he leave you the hell alone?

“That's what I told them. I said any girl who goes to such lengths to preserve her life isn't going to be interested in throwing it away with both hands. And then there's her family to think of.” He smiles, “Her brothers, parents, and all of these new friends you’ve been making.”

Okay? Get to the point. You sit down and try to not make a face at the floral stench hitting your face.

“I have a problem, Miss Everdeen,” says President Snow. “A problem that began the moment you pulled out those poisonous berries in the arena.”

You were counting on this. But, since he has to make a whole speech. You have time to analyze what to say. Luckily, you’ve been practicing.

“If the Head Gamemaker, Seneca Crane, had had any brains, he'd have blown you to dust right then. But he had an unfortunate sentimental streak. So here you are. Can you guess where he is?” he asks.

“I can guess.”

“There wasn’t much to do but let you play out your little scenario. And you were pretty good too. The people in the Capitol were quite convinced. Unfortunately, not everyone in the districts fell for it.”

Interesting.

“So, the districts have been giving you trouble.” You don’t ask. He told you as much. You’re terrified, do the districts even have the people to fight against the capitol? But you cant let him know that.

“Not yet. But they’ll follow if the course of things doesn’t change. And we wouldn’t want a revolution, would we? So many people, dead. The people left would live in terrible conditions. Whatever problems anyone may have with the Capitol, believe me when I say that if it released its grip on the districts for even a short time, the entire system would collapse.”

Worse than the conditions now? If actually cared about the citizens of Panem. He could have found a way to unite the districts and the Capitol. Right? Why so many years of the districts paying for a war that was long over? Worse still, why are the children paying a price that does not involve them. You think of little Rue, and your resolve turns to steel.

“Berries can do all that huh?”

“Unfortunately. But perhaps, not in the way you would think. You do remember our meeting after the games?”

“Of course, you were mad I allied with Rue. How should I think about this then?”

“For starters, you need to make the districts realize all victors want is to come out of the games.”

You’re thrown back to your interviews with Caesar. How Haymitch told you to either be heartless or in love. You weren’t either. Just someone who had cared for their allies a bit too much.  You could barely breathe when you finally sat in front of Ceasar.

“So, Y/n. We’re dying to know. Did Peeta win you over because I have to say I think we were all heartbroken when we found out he couldn’t come back.”

“Me too. I can tell you with absolute certainty that I loved him. I don’t know if I ever allowed myself to fall in love though?”

“Really? Why not, you two were a beautiful couple! Am I right?” He laughs

“I think at first I didn’t want to get my hopes up, and then when I realized I could keep him I did everything to try and bring us both home. But I think he knew deep down there was only going to be one victor.”

“So the berries then, was that love or strategy?”

“Of course it was love. He was the only one who understood me, the kindest person to ever be on the games and I wish it could have been me who ate the berries instead. He deserved it—” I start tearing up and while Ceasar is trying to console me, I wipe my tears from my face searching for Haymitch. You mean every word but this has to believable. I see Haymitch secretly give me a thumbs up while crossing his arms. Soon everyone around us is getting choked up. “I don’t know if I will ever figure out if I was in love with him but I know I grew to love him while I was there. Its too painful to think about anything else.”

“Of course it, of course it is.” Caesar wipes his eyes and concludes the interview. Its easier to lie when theres so much truth involved in it. The only other thing you talk about is wanting to come home.

“You want me to lie…”

“It isn’t a lie.” He insists, “Did you not want to come home?”

“Of course, but I meant what I said about Peeta. He was my priority then. I wasn’t tricking him with the berries. I meant it.” Not really, you knew it would get you both home, one way or the other. You were just hoping the way home was alive. “Effie has already instructed me what to say, Panem today, Panem tomorrow, all that good stuff.”

“And do you continue planning on being a martyr?”

“You mean for the allied districts?” He raises an eyebrow in response, “I plan on thanking them, what else can I do?”

“See to it you make no more mistakes, we wouldn’t want your new friends to be found associated closely with twelve.” He pulls out a device that displays a picture of you and Cato speaking to eachother the other night. He has no idea, you think. “These mentors are purely for show. If you care about all of your allies dying I’m assuming you wouldn’t anyone else to suffer for your mistakes.”

He hits a button and two peacekeeper come and throw Cato on the ground. You cant help yourself, you rush over to his hunched over body. He has a bruise on one of his cheeks and his mouth is dripping blood. They must have attacked him when he wasn’t ready. Protected or not these peacekeepers didn’t look as strong as him. You knew he would have taken them easily.

“Cato?” You try and talk to him but his entire body is shaking, you can tell he’s doing everything to not go back to his arena. You should give him space, but you cant peel yourself away, what kind of ally would you be then?

“District 2 wouldn’t take kindly to a victor associating with your kind. They’re as close to capitol as it gets. You wouldn’t want him to be an outcast in his own districts now would you?” He is so clam about all of this, as if hes won. He has no idea how much disdain Cato has for his district. You wonder how little he actually checks on the career districts or if its just his pride of getting his way for so long.

“I suggest you focus on the cards Miss L/N. Wouldn’t want any one else to worry, you and all those…cousins.” He offers you a rose while you’re still kneeling next to Cato, his breathing finally slowing down. You force yourself to stand to accept the flower.

“Oh its beautiful, I never see these around here.” You pick off a petal and eat it, just to make yourself seem as uncivilized as he seemed to think of you and your home. His face seems to fall for only a second before leaving as quickly as he came. You wonder where all of your fears that had built up had gone to. Regardless, the panic had settled back in and the ramifications of how you had spoken to him began to dawn on you. You would need to talk to Haymitch. Immediately but first…

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

Cato’s POV

Your body ached all over. You can somewhat feel your body being led to a chair and you try to remember how you got there. Try to remember anything about this morning.

Y/n had gone out to the woods, and you had been sitting in your room looking over that damn packet you had memorized weeks ago to try and not think about her being out there alone. You knew you could have gone with her but it felt like it was something she needed to do alone, or wanted to anyway. You also knew the victory tour was stressing her out to the point it seemed she wanted almost nothing to do with you. Besides at night anyway. But even then she seemed like she was pulling away more and more each day. You had just decided to refocus on the packet when your door slammed open.

Your panic immediately set in. What were peacekeepers doing here? Did they find out your plan, and if they did where was Y/n? Was she okay?

“We need you to come with us.”

You remember trying not to jump to feeling like you needed to attack them. But before you could ask them to give you a minute, you felt a shock to your body. And then they were all on you. They hit your face first. Then you felt a foot kicking your stomach. You didn’t seem to register anything but needing to get out of there. Two of them restrained you while one more punched you again to stop you from struggling. By the time you were thrown in the room you couldn’t tell where you were. You could hear Y/n say your name but you were frozen. You were fighting to figure out where you were, fighting to not shut down, fighting to ensure you didn’t harm Y/n in another waking nightmare.

You feel something cold against your cheek. It somewhat alerts you back to your surroundings. You blink slowly, the pain in your body finally registering and spreading throughout most of your body. You wince and Y/n reflexively pulls her hand back.

“Sorry.” She whispers as she puts the cold rag back on your face.

“What happened?”

“We got a visit from the President.”

“Are you okay?” You can hear the panic in your voice

“Are you?” She tries to joke but her face is serious, “Why did they grab you?”

“I think they thought I was dangerous. They kept saying to make sure I was neutralized? I don’t know…”

“I’m so sorry Cato. This is all my fault.”

“This wasn’t your idea, remember?” You can see her eyes are still glassy from crying, “I’m fine.”

“You aren’t. Stop doing that. Your body is bruised all over. You need to go lay down. I’ll be there to check on you soon.”

“Where are you going?”

“I need to see Haymitch.”

“Im going with you.” You try and stand up but your vision gets spotty and you immediately know if you make any other move you’ll fall face first.

“Don’t be stupid.” She hisses as she gently sits you back down, “I need you to get some rest, okay? For me, please.”

“I can go, I’ll go slow.”

“No! Just—I need…” She takes a deep breath before shouting, “Cash!!”

She runs in immediately, “He’s okay?”

“As much as he can be, I need to take him to bed. Can you get Haymitch? Just Haymitch?”

“Okay, I’ll drag him over here myself if I have to, but Y/n… its almost time.”

She nods at Cashmere and refocuses back on you, “Alright, stand up. Slowly…”

You decide to listen to her. The amount of time it takes to get you up to her room feels like an eternity. How late was it? How long was her meeting with Snow. How long did it take you to snap out of it? She lays you down and sits next to you,

“What time is it?”

“Don’t worry about it. You rest, as soon as I’m done with the interview I’ll come back. I need you on that train with me, so rest.”

You only nod. You both know rest wont come. Even in this state your nightmares persist. You can sleep, not with the Y/n’s prep team talking over eachother in excitement. Enobaria comes up and enters her room.

“What happened?”

“Y/n filled me and Cashmere in on everything when he left, Cash is trying to talk to Haymitch about it now that everyone is distracted. She doesn’t want Brutus aware. He threatened her with severing you from 2. Look, I know you don’t have any connections back home, but it could make an enemy out of 2 for this place.”

“Or an alliance.”

“Not likely, but it may encourage enough people to not think of themselves as… Capitol.” She mumbles. “We probably wont be allowed to come back after the tour.”

“What??” You sit up and almost immediately regret it again.

“Things are getting tense with the districts. The more the people in the capitol root for you the better the chances are. Listen to Y/n and sleep. We’ll get you when its time to leave.”

You weren’t very good at following directions. You turn on the tv in her room, and wait for the interview to come on. Her makeup is more subtle this time around. You think she looks nice regardless, but you like it better when they don’t completely change her features. She cheerily greets Ceasar saying she never expected to live this kind of life after winning the games…that was true. Then he asked about her life, whats new, and surely she has all of the boys wanting her attention now

‘Oh I don’t know about that…’

‘Come on, surely someone has caught your eye!’

‘Well, maybe but its hard to think of anyone in love with me, especially after… well you know.’ She sniffles and wipes at her eyes, you wonder if that’s true. All you can think about is Darius, how he flirted with her, how her friend from the seam was so possessive over her.

‘I do.” Ceasar says empathetically, ‘I think he would want you to be happy first and foremost. And I bet theres someone you can open your heart to one day.’

‘Maybe one day, but my life is different from their—I mean from everyone that I don’t know if I could see that happening.’

You see Ceasar look up for just a moment, she had planted the start of your story seamlessly. You knew Ceasar would push on her “mistake” in another interview. But for now he moved on, ‘And the other victors? They’re treating you well?’

‘Of course! I’m so thankful that Capitol cares about us victors enough to help us after everything.’ After everything you put us through is what you think, and you figure most of the districts will think, but the Capitol? They would eat that up. Even Ceasar is glowing about her praise. About how thoughtful and kind they are around there. Implying everyone else could simply never be so gracious. If it was up to the districts though, you doubted we would even be in this kind of situation. You think about that for a second, no games. Being able to travel form district to district, you wondered if you would have met Y/n in that life.

‘And you’ve had no issues handling any of the victors, I heard you got a bit more than you bargained for.’

‘I did, but they’ve been very good about only having two of the victors help me adjust. I think the other two just got stuck here in my little district. I hope they don’t hate me too much for that.’ You went from hating almost every person you came in contact with to never being able to imagine hating her, and consequently her family, some of her friends, her home. Always more and more a precarious situation to be sure.

Ceasar finished the interview praising her for her new talent that kept her games alive, why baking was a good reminder that being united as Panem would prevent from any further punishments like the hunger games from happening again. As if the districts hadn’t paid over and over for their role in the war. As if they weren’t sending children who had nothing to do with the war to die for something that happened over seventy years ago. Hypocrites. All of them. Y/n seems to echo your thoughts, her body language shifts and her smile becomes almost too forced.  You find yourself wanting to tell her to ignore them, that she’s almost done.

You wait until Effie Trinket starts chattering away to turn off the television and then wait to be dragged to the train station.

“So. Did you rest or just worry the entire time?” She says as she walks back in.

“Do you want the actual answer?”

“I think I got it,” she smiles before sitting next to you, “Are you ready?”

The train ride isn’t too bad at first, though everyone becomes more visibly anxious. The victory tour is slower, not like the one day trip to the capitol. So at night, everyone tries to avoid sleep. To avoid the triggers that would make you all believe you were heading back to the games for the first time. Y/n becomes more and more silent as she anticipates facing Rue and Thresh’s families. Needless to say, you all arrive at District 11 extremely fatigued. Well, besides Y/n’s prep team anyway. Y/n’s face pales at the clear restrictions put in place to keep the people here in line. Everyone but Haymitch and Effie goes up with Y/n, with the cards she is supposed to recite. The mayor makes introductions, and you can see her frozen, staring only at the families of the fallen. When the mayor introduces her she makes no movement at first.

Her breath is shaky when she finally steps up to the podium, “Uhm…I-I’m sorry.”

She takes a deep breath and reads off Effies cards, she makes no effort to move from her place, only staring at Rue’s family, “I thought I would come up here and thank you for your children and the sacrifices they made. I wouldn’t be here without either of them. I couldn’t save them and I’m so sorry for that. I see them everywhere, take them everywhere I go. They were more than my allies, they were my friends. I wasn’t fast enough for Rue. I cant repay Thresh for saving my life. And I know I’ll owe them forever. I’ll remember them forever. There isn’t enough I can say to apologize for making it when they couldn’t and not there isn’t enough grace to thank them for all they did for me. It was more than anyone could ever know.”

Her voice is breaking the entirety of her speech. She forces herself to breath through it, not allowing pity to go anywhere but towards Thresh and Rue. You hear Brutus sigh and mumble something under his breath. An old man holds up three fingers and whistles the simple tune Rue, Thresh, and Y/n had made to signify they were safe. You think of how much a relief it would be to y/n to see the rest of District 11 acknowledge the bond the kids built out in something so terrible, but the panic in her eyes gives you pause. You look out to see peacekeepers grab the old man and drag him up the stairs, you look back to see Y/n screaming and kicking at the peacekeepers to let him go, to let her go so she can help. One might think she actually knew this person. They throw her back in the justice building and Haymitch grabs her before she can try and fight her way back out. The peacekeepers gun point at Y/n and her team as they scream for them to get back.

“Haymitch I wasn’t trying to start anything! I need to help him. Please!” Shes fighting to get back out, he moves his head telling you to take his place. You dont know why you didn’t intervene earlier. You thought her state when you first got to twelve was bad. But this…she was completely broken. You remember only seeing her get like this in the games, after Rue, after Peeta. You couldn’t help and you didn’t know what to do. You held on tight, trying to ignore her pleas to let her go. You only hold tighter.

“Y/n. Stop. Come with me.” Haymitch pulls her and begins walking away as Effie starts reprimanding the peacekeepers. You look to see Brutus still overlooking the crowds. You don’t know if you actually want to find out what happened or not. When you turn back Haymitch and Y/n are gone, and you have no idea where they went.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

Taglist: @chloe-skywalker @ietss @tomihoeka @chiimiki @akinatrix @inky-sun @themedsaintworkin @tiktoks-aphrodite @fredweasleysgirl16 @callsign-haze @thestrals-and-firewiskey @dreamsarenicer @deliriousfangirl61 @thirdgf @randomgurl2326 @melancholicsthings @screeching-from-pa @acdfan2023

[thisblogisaboutabook]

Ballad of the High Lady of Spring

Part 1 - The Mate

“Get your shit together or abdicate.”

Inspired by the song “Innocent” by Taylor Swift

Set post-ACOSF: Over 50 years after leaving him, Tamlin’s former lover returns to the Spring Court. Can the warrior help him fight his inner-demons, reflect on his wrongs, and bring his court back to life, or will this be the one battle she can’t win?

A/N: This fic is not a love story. It’s an attempt at healing with angst, a bit of humor, and a little fluff sprinkled throughout. You will see some of your favorite characters later on.

Warning: suicidal ideation, some suggestiveness, language

PART 1 - THE MATE

Rolling away from the sudden burst of sunlight, he let out a rasp… or was that supposed to be a growl?

Pathetic.

“It reeks to high hells in here. When did the manor become a stable, Tamlin? Do you let your horses wander the corridors as well?”

Finally a gravelly roar escaped his maul. “Amal, get the HELL out!!!”

She did no such thing. Maintaining a warriors gait, she marched toward his bed and leaned down, glaring the beast before her directly in the eyes. “You can get out of bed for me, NOW. Or I can make this very unpleasant for you. Choose wisely.”

The bastard roared, giving a warning snap toward her face. A snap that at one point would have sent his bravest soldiers stumbling back, reduced to nothing but the nip of an overgrown puppy.

“Wow.” She pursed her lips, arms crossing in front of her chest for emphasis. “Very well then.”

She snapped her fingers as litres of frigid water rained down upon him.

He jolted, the freezing temperature jarring enough to shift him back into his fae form. She was taken aback by the male before her. Gone was the gorgeous toned body of a feared warrior, the near-glowing complexion, and lustrous golden locks. Before her was a broken male, wallowing in a bed of his own making. Deep purple circles hallowed his under eyes. His muscle definition soft in terms of a High Lord. Matted dull hair clung to his head. And gods, there were burrs stuck in it.

Ah, but the flared nostril, curled lipped snarl of a temper-ridden male, that remained. At least it was a sign of life she supposed.

“Get. The. Hell. Out!!!!” he roared again.

“No, I don’t think I will.” She sternly remarked.

And that was that. The male slowly sat up grumbling, “Can you allow me the privacy to dress?”

She waved him off, turning away from his naked form. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before. You will need to bathe before you dress. I’m not dining with you in your current state.”

He growled lowly, mumbling under his breath that he hadn’t requested HER presence in the first place, before reluctantly padding past her toward the bathing room.

She didn’t know whether to be pleased or saddened by the lack of resistance he met her with. Enough resistance that had he been one of her troops, she would have knocked him on his ass within a minute. Much less, however, than she’d expected from her former lover.

Good gods, this male was no better than a petulant child. After a far-too-quickly-to-have been-thorough few minutes, he emerged from the bathroom, towel slung low on his waist, burrs and mats still intact.

“Burrs, Tamlin. You have burrs in your hair.” She huffed, pushing past him into the bathing chamber. How long had it been? Over 50 years now? She still knew this room like it was second nature, digging through the various cabinets for the soaps and oils she’d need to groom the beast.

“Back in you go.” She demanded. Placing a hand over her eyes in emphasis that she indeed was NOT looking.

“Bubbles?” he asked roughly as he sunk back into the water.

“What - Do you find them emasculating? They make for an excellent modesty barrier.” She placed her hands in his hair. “Tilt your head back.”

Saying nothing, he obeyed. It took nearly an hour to detangle, wash, lather, and rinse his hair - working in silence the entire time. Though she’d never admit it out loud, a pang of sadness went through her at this grave of his own making. A deep pit of unwillingness to accept his own faults, trapped by his refusal to accept the hands that reached to pull him out.

Lucien put in more effort than Tamlin deserved. Even Rhys made an effort, though it served his own self-interests. She assumed his self-interests aligned with her own, which really weren’t all that selfish. A court falling apart weakened Prythian as a whole, especially given the Spring Courts proximity to the vulnerable mortal realm.

With a sigh, she signaled that her work was complete, gesturing toward the door. “I found a clean outfit and laid it on the dresser for you. Please join me in the garden for a meal once you’ve dressed.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The gardens were in terrible shape. Overgrown vines wound around the various statues. Once vibrant flowers wilted all around, thorns overgrowing into the the walkways. It was a cold tactic to ask Tamlin to join her here. While he could use the sun and fresh air, the bistro table was strategically set up next to his mother’s prized rose garden, no longer meticulously attended in honor the late Lady of Spring.

Tamlin reluctantly made his way to the table. No confidence or strength in his stride, a shell of the powerful male he once was. Was he still in there? Doubts echoed through her mind. She took a breath, pushing the thoughts out.

He slunk down before her, pushing the plate of roast lamb, asparagus, and boiled potatoes away, crossing his hands in front of him. “What do you want, Amal?”

“I’d like for you to eat.” she stated plainly, pushing the plate back toward him.

The male complied. Not without including his own charming brand of obstinance, unsheathing his claws to use as cutlery.

Once satisfied with the amount cleared from his plate, she continued. “Tamlin, look at this place.” She flung an arm toward the wilted garden around them. “Your mother’s rose garden is a mess, the property is overrun with vines and thorns, your entire court is in shambles. Your citizens are exhausted. They’ve worked tirelessly to reap what they can given their current resources. There’s only so much to be cultivated from a land that isn’t giving back.”

“And?” he leaned back, mirroring her now crossed arms.

“And? You know exactly what. Your people do not deserve a leader who cannot even care for himself. You’ve neglected them entirely. They’re hurting. It’s time to get your shit together or abdicate.”

Oh, Tamlin did not appreciate that. Good.

Let it light a fire under his ass. She could handle the aftermath of his temper.

His face reddened, a small ripple of power emanating off of him. “You have some nerve coming here and commanding a HIGH LORD to abdicate his throne.”

“Do I, Tamlin?” She scoffed. “If I remember correctly, mates are equals. I’d assume I have every right to discuss such matters with you, High Lord.”

His jaw slackened, fists unclenching as he opened his mouth to say something, anything. Yet words completely failed him.

“Oh don’t look at me like that.” She leaned forward, interlacing her hands on the table. “You knew exactly what I was to you - why I left. In the same way that you knew you couldn’t remain close to your mate and break Amarantha’s curse. Whether it be by warming her bed, or finding a fae-hating human to fall in love with you. I would have always gotten in the way of Prythian’s shot at freedom. YOUR shot at freedom.”

Tamlin scoffed. “It still doesn’t explain why you’re here. Why now?”

“Because, Tamlin, I’m growing tired of the unsolicited feelings of guilt and rage that intrude upon my days. It’s rather inconvenient to be in the throes of passion and moments away from climax just for a sudden wave of self-loathing hatred instead of pleasure to wash over me.”

Tamlin sneered at the brazen confession before self-righteously questioning, “What of my court? Or could it be that your efforts are not so selfless?”

She brushed off his attempt to goad her. “Perhaps you’re right. Perhaps I am selfish and here for my own personal motives.” Her voice softened before continuing, “Tell me, those nights when you’ve spiraled into a pit of desperation so deep that the only way out was completely ending your existence - where do you think the spark, that little piece inside of your soul telling you to hold on a little bit longer came from?”

Tamlin cast his gaze downward, brows drawing inward at the realization of what, who had been his last bit of restraint in those moments.

She knew she could have put those words more eloquently. She also knew the male she was dealing with and getting through to him did not come through subtlety.

Amal continued, “I am here because Calanmai is coming up and your court needs you. Their livelihoods depend on the magic.”

He cut her off - “So you’re here to seduce me.”

A sarcastic laugh escaped her lips. “However fun that may be, I am not. You need to make an elaborate event out of this. For your people, Tam. If you’re not ready to move on in an intimate manner, it is your right and nobody can take that away from you. But your people, they need to at least see you.”

“Lu-“ He started but she cut him off.

“Lucien… is not able to complete the right and he never should have been coerced into doing so in the first place. He stays out of this. I will complete the rite. I have no qualms with finding companionship for the night, and as your cauldron chosen mate - the power can flow through me in your stead. You, however, will need to make an appearance. Not for the sake of the land, but for your people.”

“My people do not wish to see me.” his voice edged with a note of sorrow.

“You have not made an effort with your people in some time, Tam. Regaining their trust will not come easily, however, this is not a lost cause. You are not a lost cause. The tightrope you’ve balanced on for decades finally snapped - let me help you find your way out - starting with Calanmai.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was hard. Hard knowing the male he once was versus the male he’d reduced himself to. Tamlin had never been perfect and given the horrid males he grew up with, she’d never expected that from him. But he tried, and he was better than them.

Throughout their courtship, Amal and Tamlin had countless fights over the bigoted views rooted deeply within his mindset. Unlike his family before him, he made an effort to unlearn his biased views. He was still terribly stubborn and slow to change but she couldn’t help the pride that swelled in her chest at his progress. She had even started to see a future with him, began falling in love with him.

Everything changed once Amarantha’s reign became imminent. Tamlin became fearful, that fear driving a wedge deeper and deeper into the foundation of their relationship. The final blow being that damned curse - leaving was one of the hardest decisions she’d ever made but it was necessary.

She didn’t know all of the details regarding what happened with the High Lady of the Night Court and Tamlin, but from bits and pieces she’d picked up from her cousin and High Lord, Helion - it came as no surprise that fear played such a role in the demise of their engagement. His treatment of the High Lady absolutely inexcusable.

Their return from Under the Mountain had been when the fits of rage and corresponding guilt began flooding Amal through the bond. The first time, she thought she’d fallen ill but as the bouts continued, the waves began crashing harder and harder. The further down he spiraled, the more the dam gates released. She allowed him time, hoping after the war with Hybern that he’d begin to pull himself out, but his anguish only grew.

After a recent run-in with Lucien, he’d caught Amal up on his own personal situation with the mating bond and the Calanmai where Ianthe weaseled her way into the cave with him. Evil, conniving bitch. Ianthe’s death aside, there was no way Amal would subject Lucien to the Great Rite again. He’d sacrificed enough for Tamlin and the Spring Court, which is what brought her back here now.

After her lunch with Tamlin, he’d reluctantly agreed to her plan for Calanmai. They had two weeks to prepare whatever they could.

Later that afternoon she’d found herself back in Tamlin’s chamber huffing at the state of the room. “I’m not your maid. I am a head of armies, not homes. Do not expect me to do any housekeeping beyond this for you. Tomorrow you will hire proper staff to maintain both the grounds and the manor itself.”

She spent the rest of the day preparing her own chamber and surveying the manor for its most pressing needs. Filling lists categorized from most essential to least for the staff that Tamlin would hire. There was still the matter of the field and roads that would need cleared in order to access the festivities, wood for fires, food for attendees, and entertainment.

The humor wasn’t lost on her that the future of the Spring Court relied on the success of what was essentially a giant sex party.

The boost in employment leading up to the night would benefit the local economy, the magic generated during Calanmai further boosting the economy by way of crops. In addition to the increase in fruits and vegetables, animal populations thriving off of the flora would go further in feeding families.

Although he wouldn’t be partaking in the joining itself - Tamlin agreed to make an appearance at Calanmai - serving as a first step in mending the relationship with his people. Amal even suggested that once he return to the manor that night, he “gratify” himself in an effort to boost the magic further. He rolled his eyes in dismissal of such a recommendation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tamlin

How long it had been since Amal had left, since under the mountain, since Feyre left, even Lucien’s last visit? He didn’t know. Day and night, months and years, they all melded together in a haze of alcohol induced sedation. Anything to numb the sorrow, rage, guilt, and fury that consumed him, eating away at his mind and soul. Those feelings had always been there, since his childhood, laying in semi-stagnant layers underneath his skin, rising higher with every trauma. His father’s abusive tendencies, the death of Rhysand’s sister and mother, his own mother’s death, losing Amal, Amarantha’s curse, Andras and all of the other sentries lost over the wall, the pain he’d caused Lucien, but Feyre… losing Feyre is where he’d lost any semblance of control. Before she’d physically left even. He lost her under the mountain and deserved it.

He’d always been able to keep those emotions reasonably at bay, justifying his fearful tendencies under the guise of “protecting.”

When Amal left, he waived off the heartache. He protected her in saying “goodbye”. In truth, it was her choice to leave. He was so afraid to lose her yet never once considered the idea of sending her away to avoid further repercussions from Amarantha. She would have died from his lack of inaction had she not made the choice herself.

When Tamlin went along with his father and brothers to kill Rhysand’s family, he told himself he was going in an effort to stop the bloodshed from happening - to protect them. Somewhere deep within, he knew it was fear driving him - fear of the repercussions from his father had he refused inform him of their whereabouts.

When he’d punished Lucien under the mountain, fear once again motivated him. Yet it was “protection” he told himself, from further harm falling upon Lucien.

And Feyre, oh, Feyre. His beautiful Feyre who made his stone heart beat again. His fearless Cursebreaker. Everything he wasn’t. His fear kept him placated while she risked her life for him, for his people. While she DIED for his people. A treasure, a precious gem, the one he most feared losing. Ironic that the curse of his stone heart had been broken just for fear to take its place. Those stagnant emotions festered, bubbling to the surface, became a living thing inside of him. His mask of gold, traded for a mask called “protection” - hiding the coward underneath. When she left, that mask left with her, ripping off flesh and bone, revealing what lay beneath. And she saw him, truly saw him. Every pathetic ounce. Not the heart of a lion but a coward. A stupid fool. He deserved every bit of retribution she threw at him.

He was never mad at Amal for leaving, ever the martyr who “let” his mate leave for safety. But Feyre, he thought himself angry with her. When she left the Spring Court with Lucien, he convinced himself she was the enemy. Going as far as to blame her for the downfall of his court. The court he single handedly destroyed. He knew the truth, had refused to accept it. Going as far as to imply she were a whore. A pathetic male. Unworthy of his power, his position, and more than anything - Feyre.

He wasn’t worth the air he breathed - didn’t wish to breathe it any longer.

Yet something kept him in bed. Kept him breathing.

“Tomorrow.” It whispered. A promise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Amal lay in bed, desperate for sleep. The close proximity to Tamlin was too much. His emotions absolutely drowning her. It took everything in her not to rush to his room and soothe him. No, he needed to feel this. A bandage being ripped off after years of bleeding. If he were to change, to heal, this had to happen.

Tomorrow was a new page. Tomorrow would be a drop of water toward an ocean of change.

“Tomorrow.” She whispered into the night.

—————————

Thank you for reading! Stay tuned for part 2.

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

🗞️📖 Bookish News 📖🗞️

🦇 Extra, extra. Read all about it! 📖 Good evening, bookish bats! A lot happened in the publishing industry last month, but here are a few highlights you may have missed!

Adaptations Jennifer Lopez's production company and Netflix - Emily Henry's Happy Place Laika (Travis Knight directing) - Susanna Clarke's Piranesi Universal (Taika Waititi directing?) - Percival Everett's James We Were Liars adds Rahul Kohli to the cast Patrick Dempsey and Sarah Michelle Gellar have joined the cast of the Dexter prequel, Original Sin Chris McKay to direct Brynne Weaver’s Butcher and Blackbird Ayvan Williams, Jessica Belkin & Savannah Lee Smith casted for Becky Albertalli's The Upside of Unrequited First looks for Heartstopper S3 are out Apple TV - Laura Lippman's The Lady in the Lake Adult Swim - Anthony Bourdain’s graphic novel series, Get Jiro! UCP - Chris Witaker's All the Colors of the Dark The Best Christmas Pageant Ever - Barbara Robinson A24 - Jennifer Lawrence starring - Paul Rainey's Why Don't You Love Me? Netflix - Richard E. Grant and Tom Ellis casted for The Thursday Murder Club Sony - Michael Crichton and James Patterson's Eruption Renee Zellweger starring in 12 Months to Live Awesomeness - Melissa De La Cruz's Blue Bloods The Uglies adaptation has a release date after 18 years (September 13) The trailer for Elin Hilderbrand's The Perfect Couple is up Ursula K. Le Guin’s A Wizard of Earthsea is being adapted into a graphic novel Prime - Colin Firth joins the cast of Young Sherlock Universal - Omid Scobie's Royal Spin Netflix - Bridgerton Season 4 lead announced Amazon - Fourth Wing series adaptation is a go Apple TV - The trailer for Pachinko! Season 2 is up An adaptation of Colson Whitehead’s Nickel Boys will open the 62nd New York Film Festival Patton Oswalt’s comic book Minor Threats is being adapted into a live-action series HBO - Dune: Prophecy releases in November

Cover Reveals Babylonia - Costanza Casati The Get Off - Christa Faust The Ragpicker King - Cassandra Clare What Does It Feel Like - Sophie Kinsella Wake Up and Open Your Eyes - Clay McLeod Chapman Ageless - Renee Schaeffer The Thirteenth Child - Erin A. Craig Song So Wild and Blue: A Life With Joni Mitchell - Paul Lisicky The Meadowbrook Murders - Jessica Goodman On Her Terms - Amy Spalding Onyx Storm - Rebecca Yarros The River Has Roots - Amal El-Mohtar The Wind Weaver - Julie Johnson In Gad We Trust - Josh Gad The Life of Herod the Great - Zora Neale Hurston (posthumous) The Other People - CB Everett How My Neighbor Stole Christmas - Meghan Quinn

Upcoming Releases I Saw the TV Glow director Jane Schoenbrun has a debut novel coming out, Public Access Afterworld Carol Moseley Braun is writing a memoir, Trailblazer: Perseverance in Life and Politics New memoir by Hilary Rodham Clinton The Road is Good - Uzo Aduba Leo Martino Steals Back His Heart - Eric Geron Viola Davis is co-writing with James Patterson

News Macmillan is launching a "new adult fiction" imprint. The 2024 Locus Award winners were announced The 2024 Boston Globe-Horn Book Awards were announced Nebula Award winners were announced Random House is buying Boom! Studios

[valtsv]

I saw you talking about reading a lot, I’d love to hear what books you’ve read recently/what you want to read, if you’re fine with sharing that is

idk if i'd say i read a lot, but i do try to read regularly (almost every day) and read new material rather than going back to books i've already read. some books i've read recently are horror in architecture by joshua comaroff and ong ker-shing, why does he do that? by lundy bancroft, smoke gets in your eyes and from here to eternity by caitlin doughty, what i wish my christian friends knew about judaism by robert schoen, conflict is not abuse by sarah shulman (still reading this one), and leviathan wakes by james s.a. corey. i'm planning to read this is how you lose the time war by amal el-mohtar and max gladstone and being mortal by atul gawande next.

[amalsoappickle]

So garmadon, vinny, who ARE YOU visiting with fken travelers tea?? (Artist love your art *hugs while stealing amals credit card* COME GET ME NOW MY GOOD SIR)

Garmadon: We're visiting an old friend you definitely know... Clouse: After all this time, the person who comes to visit me is Lord Garmadon, my ex.

Garmadon: Oh shut it Clouse, you know why I'm here.

Clouse: oh my goodness Garmadon if this is about the serpentine wa- Garmadon: No I'm talking about what you did to my plant. Clouse: PLANT??? Why would I care for a stupid plan-

Garmadon: Nevermind you don't have what I need.

Clouse: CAN YOU STOP INTERRUPTING ME YOU- Garmadon: Let's go hun.

Vinny:... Garmadon: Honey? Vinny? Vinny: Oh um yeah, of course love!

Vinny: Heh...

(ALSO GIVE BACK MY NON-EXISTANT CREBIT)

[wiltkingart]

Do you have any book recs that are f/f or have female or nonbinary main characters, or or maybe no romance but have good like. Gender ..? I remember u recommended blindsight and I read it and loved it. So if have any other recs, doesn't have to be similar genre, but other recs without romance strictly? I think I like your taste in books

(sorry this was kind of a vague ask but I'd be interested in whatever recommendations u think of)

i have a few you might like!! unfortunately i don't seek/read nb books personally, but for f/f romance there's This Is How You Lose The Time War by Max Gladstone and Amal El-Mohtar, of course. i do think it deserves the spike in popularity it got recently, especially if you eat up flowery writing like a starving beast. The Luminous Dead by Caitlin Starling is kind of a tame horror with f/f romance but i liked it more for the whole scary cave exploring plot, and the romance felt secondary anyway. Ancestral Night by Elizabeth Bear is space scifi about a lesbian MC whose salvaging mission uncovers a terrible crime. has some f/f interactions but does not end in romance.

and then for gender, the Machineries of Empire series by Yoon Ha Lee series features a cis woman with a cis guy living in her head and the only way i can explain it is it comes off as one of the most Gender things ive ever read, even if the 2nd book's plot kind of sucks. it has a Lot of unique and cool scifi concepts too (math weapons and pretty geometry and living gunships), and other nb and trans side characters. plus the author is trans himself. The Ophiuchi Hotline by John Varley had a lot of unexpected gender moments (and casual bisexuality). it's a world where casual sex changes are normal, and it comes off surprisingly forward for being written in 1977. the writing feels smooth and modern, and is overall very weird (affectionate) with a cool female MC.

for something Not scifi, Gossamer Axe by Gael Baudino is an urban fantasy about a magical celtic harpist utilizing the power of heavy metal and friendship to save her lover still trapped in the faery realm they both tried to escape. so it's got an established romance but its more about the journey (and the music) to get her woman back.

tldr; for you personally I'd say Machineries of Empire, Ophiuchi Hotline, and Ancestral Night would be the strongest matches based on you being a Blindsight enjoyer and wanting little to no romance. hope this helps! :]

[coltrainbat]

High Off You

A/N: Ok so not a day goes by I dont think of this quote:

I dont think it’s talked about enough that my our little ray of sunshine use to smoke. Makes me love him a little more! So this is for my stoner girlies... I see you!

WARNINGS: Mentions of weed, being high

Disclaimer: All characters and events written, even those based on real people are entirely fictional and are no representation or comment of said characters in real life.

Chris took a drag of the rolled-up joint, placing it back on the ashtray beside him. Blowing the smoke into your mouth like he always did, placing a wet open kiss to your mouth sealing the smoke between you two.

You loved this time of year, when Chris had ceased all commitments for the year, and you took time off work for the holidays. You had a decent week between both of you finishing up for the year and when the chaos of the festive season started so you’d always take time for you two. With no responsibilities and nowhere to be, you’d both go to his LA home and lock yourselves inside, spending the majority of the time reconnecting and occasionally, such as nights like this, getting baked on that sweet Californian green. It made you both feel younger and meant for many funny, giggling nights wrapped up in each other’s arms.

The intimate moment was promptly ruined though when Chris barked with a jolt;

“I got it! I’m the George Clooney!”

“You’re what?” Your eyes squint in confusion as you tilt your head to look at your boyfriend more clearly.

“Like the George Clooney effect that’s me!”

“Explain” you went back to laying on his chest, eyes looking up at the starry night.

“Ok so older guys settle down...”

“You’re not old”

“I’m older than you by 10+ years.”

“You don’t act it.”

“Shhh baby let me finish.” He placed his hand over your mouth lazily.

“So older guys like me who people think are a player…”

“Think? Are.” You mumbled under his hand.

“Shhh I’m talking here!” His Boston accent was thick as he playfully hushed you. He tried to be serious, but the giggle threatened through his voice.

“Eventually… ya know… settle down with an educated, independent, success, BEAUTIFUL woman who just happens to be younger than them.”

“Are you saying you’re like George Clooney?” You snorted

“I’m saying you’re my Amal Clooney baby.” He nuzzled his beard into your neck.

“Ok I like that.”

“It’s true, I got lucky with youuuu.” He pursed his lips, looking at you with bloodshot eyes.

“You’re high baby.”

“So are you.” He giggled

“Yeah I am.” Your giggles soon turned into a fit of laughter.

“You know what we should do?” He cupped his hand around your ear, whispering into it. Even though it was just you two on the porch. Cuddled under a singular blanket on the outdoor couch, lit up by artificial light as you watched the stars.

“Make popcorn and go watch Fantasia.” You bit your lip up at him.

“I wasn’t gonna suggest that but it’s a way better idea than what I was thinking.”

“What were you thinking?”

“We go for a walk around the block.”

“Chris, we did that an hour ago…”

“Was that an hour ago? Did we actually? Well… what if somethings changed?”

“In an hour…?”

“You don’t know Y/N, you just don’t.” He put on a serious tone to the ridiculous suggestion which made you burst out laughing.

“Yeah, no you’re right maybe in the hour since we last walked around, a new owl has appeared.” You got up from his arms and started to make you way inside.

“Ya never know!” He quickly followed up behind you. You got up too fast and suddenly realised the effects of the drug had hit you more than you expected. Wobbling slightly, you almost fell before Chris caught you in his arms, quick on your step.

“Easy girl.”

“Omg why is the floor moving!”

“It’s not your just stoned out of your mind… come on take my arm.” You wrapped both of your hands around his large bicep as he eased you through the back door back into the house, closing it behind you two. You looked like a storybook witch wrapped up in the tartan blanket.

“Ok popcorn.” Chris clapped his hands together as you made your way into the kitchen. You sat on the bench seat and watched as Chris just stared mindlessly into the pantry.

“Bottom shelf.”

“I know I just forgot how much food we have… holy shit… Y/N.. have you seen this?”

“Chris!”

“Yeah sorry sorry but wow what a nice pantry.” He shook his head in disbelief, dopey smile planted on his face as he bent down to grab the popcorn.

You watched as he slowly and methodically read the instructions on the packet, rubbing his face a few times to focus on the task.

“Do you need help?” You looked at him

“No it’s fine, don’t get up, but just quickly, does it matter which way I put it in? Like will the kernels get confused?”

You sniggered at the insinuation that kernels get “confused” and the way his words kind of slurred when he spoke

“Turn it over.”

He turned it over still looking at you for clarification

“What does it say in big red letters?”

Chris moved the packet around a couple times bringing it closer to his face, inspecting the writing “This.. way… up.”

He looked up at you with a smirk “God you’re so smart baby.” Leaning over to kiss you on the forehead. He put in the microwave and grabbed his phone, putting on music as he waited for it to pop.

Chris loved to put on 70s disco when he was high so when he landed on Young Hearts Run Free you couldn’t stop laughing at his ridiculous yet shockingly good dance moves as he mouthed the words and put on a little show for you.

You got up and decided to join him as he took you in his arms, doing exaggerated spins, turns and hip thrusts into your direction. Grabbing you close when you tried to move away, holding you back against his chest as he swayed you in front of the microwave, leaving wet sloppy kisses on your neck.

“Chris… stop! It tickles!” You laughed, reflexes forcing your chin into your neck as you felt the vibrations of his laugh on your shoulder.

Once your little dance party was over and you had settled on the couch, exaggerating your annoyance at the fact that you had to go back to sharing your makeshift witch’s cloak. Chris turned on Fantasia.

“Come closer.” He cooed.

“Chris I’m right here.”

“Yeah, but I want you on top of me.” He groaned like a disgruntled toddler.

“Fine!” You moved your hips onto his lap, leaning back into his chest.

“Besides you get paranoid and hit the ceiling at the scary part.”

You instantly froze in his arms “omg I forgot about that part.”

Chris laughed “How do you forget, last time we did this you hid under the blanket and cried TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!” He was full belly laughing now reminiscing at the memory.

“And you just laughed! It is scary! With the fire and the weird bat thing!”

“Y/N… it’s a fucking DISNEY movie!” He was wheezing at this point, his whole body laughing, threatening the stability of your position on his lap but he was quick to keep the strong grip of his arm around your waist.

“Ok ok… hahahaha… god… that’s… ok… fine we’ll watch something else.” The remote still in his hands as he backspaced the search.

“Let’s say it together on 3.” You turned to look at him.

“We are both gonna say the same thing aren’t we?” He quirked an eyebrow up, eyeing you with a smirk.

“You’re definitely thinking what I’m thinking.”  Your eyes widened, flipping yourself over so your hands lay on his chest and you’re face to face.

“3” he said

“2” you said

“1… Rick and Morty” you said in unison

“God this is why I’m gonna marry you, holy shit!” He laughed, his head falling back.

You woke up to the sound of birds chirping. You and Chris still on the couch, popcorn kernels spread amongst you both as he snored peacefully, grip lazily on your back as you noticed the small patch of drool on his shirt from you, and Netflix asking if you are still watching. Realising you had fallen asleep on the couch in a high haze, you shut off the TV and went back to cuddling your boyfriend, who instinctively kissed your forehead and pulled you closer towards him.  

[specialagentlokitty]

Clara x reader - my person

Hello! I was wondering if you could please write something fluffy of a Clara Oswald x timelord!reader, with an established relationship already. Maybe a picnic date on some beautiful planet. - @dinofromspac3 💜

She had been really stressed recently, you could see that as clear as day, so you decided to do something grand for her, and of course your TARDIS was up for it.

You gathered everything you needed from local stores and some thing from your girlfriends flat and you spend an hour trying to choose the perfect place.

Because this had to be perfect.

Once you settled on the planet, you quickly put everything together before making it back just in time for Clara to come around the corner.

“Clara!”

Rushing over you jumped into her arms and she laughed, happily hugging you back just as tightly.

Pulling away, you beamed and took her hand in your own.

“Where are we going?!” She yelled.

“It’s a surprise!”

You pulled her into the TARDIS and closed the door, running to the console to start her up and set her on a path to your desired destination.

“Wanna tell me what’s going on?” Clara hummed.

You turned around, grinning at her.

“Nope!”

Kissing her forehead, you slipped past her, eagerly disappearing somewhere before you back back and held some fabric up.

“Absolutely not.”

“Please! I want it to be a sunrise!” You pouted.

Clara looked at you and gave a soft sigh, rolling her eyes as she nodded and you quickly blindfolded her.

Once you were sure it was safe to go outside, you gently took her hands in yours and led her outside.

“Oh it’s warm.” She said.

You smiled softly and walked her over to where you wanted her to be, and you walked behind her, slowly removing the blindfold and she gasped softly.

“It’s so beautiful..” she whispered.

Clara took in the soft golden sky, the setting sun pink in the distance, below was gently silver waters, Amal alien creatures jumping in and out.

There were a few trees that had been decorated with fairy lights and there was a small picnic in the middle all set out and ready.

“It’s one of the most calmest planets near earth. It’s just a little bit closer to the sun then earth would be, but the atmosphere here is incredible and there’s two. This one, and another just before it stopping the sun from overheating everything.”

Clara smiled as you explained the planet to you while you sat her down, and you sat down in front of her as you poured her a drink and poured yourself one.

“I got all your favourite things!”

You showed her everything and she laughed softly, nodding her head.

“This is amazing (Y/N), thank you.”

You beamed at her and let her get her food first before you got yours and you both sat next to one another, watching the sunset as you ate, drank and talked.

Clara was so used to wild adventures with the doctor that when it came to meeting you and going on adventures with you it was so different.

They were calm, well planned and you never took her anywhere that would put her in danger unless it was urgent in which case you’d make her stay behind.

Of course she never listened, Clara was never very good when it came to listening to things.

She rested her head on your shoulder, and you played with her hands, lacing your fingers with hers or tracing small lines on the back of her hand.

“I love you (Y/N).” She said softly.

You kissed the top of her head.

“I love you too Clara Oswald, so, very dearly.”

You stayed quiet for a few minutes.

“Clara?” You asked.

She sat up to look at her, and you turned yourself around, looking at her a little nervously.

“Marry me.” You said.

Clara blinked in shock.

“W..what..?”

“Marry me Clara.”

“(Y/N)..”

You shook your head, taking her hands in yours and held them softly.

“Just listen, please?”

Clara slowly nodded her head.

“I love you. I am so, deeply, unapologetically in love with you. I love you with every fibre of my being, and I know I may change appearance, and I know you will pass long before me. But I have never loved someone so much that it makes me feel like the whole universe should know. Never.”

You gave Clara and soft smile.

“I’ve lived a long, long life. Always so scared to love anyone, but you broke down that wall. You loved me, and let me love you. And I want that, I want that for the rest of my life. I will find you in every lifetime you have, and I will never forget you even if I do regenerate. So.. marry me.”

Clara moved her hands from yours and placed them on your face, leaning in to softly kiss you.

Placing your hands over hers, you closed your eyes and kissed her back, and you pulled away, pressing your forehead to hers with your eyes still closed.

“Yes…” she whispered.

Smiling, you leant in to kiss her again.

She was your person. The one constant thing you wanted to never leave. You loved her so hard sometimes it hurt. She felt right

[rollercoasterwords]

do you have any recs for scifi/fantasy? they are also my preferred genres, but i'm not fond of the type of scifi and fantasy that often gets recommended :') nothing inherently wrong with booktok, but we do not have the same taste...

yes absolutely SUCH a fun question 4 me ok let me. go thru my storygraph + pick some out...this list may get long...

sci-fi:

infect your friends and loved ones by torrey peters - novella abt a disease that stops humans from naturally producing hormones so that everyone basically becomes "trans." deals heavily w topics of transmisogyny

how to live safely in a science fictional universe by charles yu - time machine repair guy gets stuck in a time loop

the feverwake duology by victoria lee - a post-apocalyptic u.s. has split into various smaller countries. noam, living in carolinia, is the child of refugees who harbors deep resentment towards the government for its treatment of immigrants. a magic disease that kills 95% of the people who get it but grants the survivors super powers leaves noam as the only survivor in his community, and because his power is incredibly rare and potent he's recruited into an elite military school and suddenly forced to work for the government he hates

this is how you lose the time war by max gladstone and amal el-mohtar - this one blew up in the online sphere recently + so has had tons of people talking abt how they love it or hate it but! i really loved it. soldiers on opposite sides of a time war falling in love

severance by ling ma - story about a woman traveling with a group through a post-apocalyptic u.s. in search of a new place to live

the illuminae files trilogy by jay kristoff and amie kaufman - SUCH a fun series!! it has everything zombies parasitic aliens corporate conspiracy...the books are written in the format of files of collected evidence which is fun + funky; the plot essentially follows various characters who get caught in the crossfire when two corporations go to war over a planet. the first book centers on refugees from the planet trying to escape in a spaceship

villains duology by ve schwab - two college roommates crack the secret to getting super powers and team up to give each other powers; they subsequently become lifelong enemies

fantasy:

a history of glitter and blood by hannah moskowitz - in ferrum, fairies live aboveground and gnomes live underground performing the bulk of the city's manual + menial labor, with the tradeoff that every so often the gnomes will eat the fairies. the city has been functioning peacefully this way for years until the tightropers (a species who spin webs from their mouths) arrive under the guise of "fairy liberation." war between the gnomes and the tightropers breaks out and all but 4 teenage fairies flee the city--the story follows those 4 teenage fairies as they navigate the war. one of my absolute favorite books of all time!!

the last unicorn by peter s beagle - a story about a unicorn who inadvertently overhears a conversation about how there are no more unicorns in the world, so she travels out of her forest to find out what happened to all the other unicorns. another one of my favorite books of all time

the shades of magic trilogy by ve schwab - read this back in 2021 so it's no longer super fresh in my mind but i remember thinking it was really fun especially the 2nd book! somewhat standard fantasy series about a second secret london where magic exists and a girl teaming up with a magician to stop an evil threat, etc etc

the gormenghast trilogy by mervyn peake - (you only need to read the first two books tho tbh) very slow paced but gorgeous writing and such a vivid world!! the books follow an earl and his family living in the crumbling castle gormenghast after the birth of his son and heir, titus groan. titus is supposed to grow up and take over as earl, and various forces conspire to either assist or prevent him from doing so

teeth by hannah moskowitz - a teen boy moves with his family to an island purported to have magic fish that can cure any illness. the fish work and his terminally ill younger brother begins to get healthier, but things get complicated when the boy meets a mermaid who's trying to save the fish

howl's moving castle by dianna wynne jones - such a lovely book <3 quite different from the movie so even if you've seen it the story still feels fresh!

gonna cut myself off here but! hopefully there is something in here that u will enjoy :•)

[badwolfwho1]

It's halfway through the year? Got any favorite albums/books/tv shows/whatever to recommend?

So for the first time I have actually been keeping a spreadsheet with the intent of ranking all the things this year to keep track of what I've read/watched etc and not rely on my memory so in theory this should be easy but in truth I've only been updating it for movies and books so I will have to rely on my memory after all.

Albums

I do not keep track of the albums I've been listening but I have been listening to Avantasia's discography lately and it's all been hitting for me, I think the Wicked Symphony especially was my favourite of their work.

I also listened to The Moody Blues' 'Days of Future Passed' just today so I'll mention that as well, I enjoyed it. (I fully intended to come back here and write some more later but I guess I didn't, it's neat I guess)

Judging based off my liked songs on Spotify I really liked most of Deep Purple's album 'House of Blue Light' and both of Savage Garden's albums.

For a perennial I still love The Bangles' third album "Everything", my first listen I had a few standouts like "In Your Room", "Be With You", "Something to Believe In" but I currently adore pretty much every track on there.

Have I listened to much modern this year? Alas no I am cursed by most of my current listening habits coming from deciding to check out whatever is being referenced in the current episode of Jojo that I'm rewatching and since I just reached Part 5 that means at best they'll be 25 years old.

Books

I've actually kept track of my books so this should be easy, 'Catch 22'; It's a classic for a reason, it's just really really good.

The Adrian Tchaikovsky zone; I read 'City of Last Chances', its sequel 'House of Open Wounds' and the final part of the Final Architecture trilogy 'Lords of Uncreation' this year, all phenomenal (2, 3 and 4 on my books of the year list), City of Last Chances slightly pips the others (and as the opener to a series is the easiest rec). You get a huge and diverse range of points of view all over a city under imperial occupation, great worldbuilding as I always expect from him. There's even a giant centipede what more can you ask for? (I'm also reading his Alien Clay right now, that's a stand alone novel starring a scientist exiled to a work camp on another planet because of his political activism, real good so far, love all the weird alien life it has. It'll probably be joining the Tchaikovsky zone unsure where at though yet)

Oh I've just noticed Bret Hart's biography isn't on my list so I gotta say "Hitman", incredible. The life of a wrestler is wild and Bret Hart especially has had quite the life. So much I didn't know about. The best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be (but not the best on my list).

The rest of my top ten, CL Clarke's 'The Unbroken' and 'The Faithless', Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone's 'This is How You Lose the Time War', AK Larkwood's 'The Ten Thousand Eyes' and Garth Marenghi's Terrortome

Games

I feel like I've barely played any games this year. Slay the Spire is still the only Roguelike you'll ever need. I'll be replaying Slay the Princess when Pristine Cut comes out later this year so I'll throw that in here, that's an incredible horror visual novel, tons of branching paths, all voice acted to perfection. I'm in the middle of a Freedom Planet replay, so if you like classic 2D Sonic games this is a really good Soniclike

(Me from after I wrote all this) Oh yeah Hades II exists and I somehow forgot about it I have no idea how that happened. Yeah Supergiant (I always have to double check that in case I write Supermassive) always hits, every single one of their games is gold, Hades II continues that trend. It might still be Early Access but it quite comfortably surpasses release Hades I in content so I am incredibly excited to see how it grows.

Movies

Number 1 at my list is Godzilla Minus One, it's so good, I watched it last year, I watched it this year I'll probably watch it again in the Minus Colour version. I'm a Godzilla mark (I still have at least some objectivity Godzilla x Kong sitting at 12 hasn't even broken into my top 10, wait Oppenheimer isn't on here probably 13 then) and while I've definitely not even nearly seen of all Godzilla's filmography I think this is him comfortably at his best. As in all of his best films as a metaphor as well as a giant radioactive dinosaur.

I watched Rashomon the other day and it feels like a real basic thing to say but yeah Rashomon's really good, as with Catch-22 it's a classic for a reason. Not good enough to surpass a radioactive dinosaur apparently but what can?

And my number three on my list, Asteroid City, great framing device, great set design. Just a genuinely fascinating movie, had complete hold of my interest at all times.

The rest of my top ten in order The Banshees of Inisherin, Monster, Speed, The Menu, Happy Death Day, Scream, Scream 2 (Maybe Happy Death Day should be lower than the Screams actually) Oppenheimer is probably going to land somewhere in that top 10 as well.

TV

Delicious in Dungeon is good, everyone knows Delicious in Dungeon is good, everyone's watching it. World building, funny, great cast its all there, I should read the manga some time. I should definitely read more manga in general.

I've also watched The 8 Show, a Korean Drama show. Eight strangers are offered a chance to participate in a psuedo game show where they live on eight seperate floors and are paid money for the length of time the show goes on. The ones living on the lower floors earn less money and the ones on the higher ones earn more. (Shockingly it's a metaphor for capitalism). Things fairly rapidly degenerate. You'll obviously think of Squid Game watching this and its not as good as Squid Game but its still pretty good.

And obvs you know I'm still on that Buffy watch, on the cusp of finishing Series 6 of Buffy, the most frustrating so far in that it has some good ideas dragged down by a number of terrible decisions; magic becoming a metaphor for drugs, having to see those three nerds on screen frequently, that death etc etc.

Oh yeah I'm watching the Acolyte, I'm not gonna say its great but like its shockingly decent. Falls far short of Andor but aside from that its probably one of the best Star Wars shows they've made. If you like Star Wars this is one of the better shows to check out.

(Somehow I forgot I watched all of Hacks this year!?!?!?!) Great stuff, love those two. Hope they continue to be weird about each other forever.

Other

I'd love to rec a manga but I cantinue to only read two manga which are Hajime no Ippo and Jojo and they're both over 30 years old and still going and I cannot recommend something that long. Last time I mentioned Ippo was like at least six months ago I think I said it was slowly moving towards a conclusion it has moved no closer to a conclusion since then I think it's gonna be another decade. I still love it my favourite character is probably going to have his character arc finished by the end of the current arc, Mashiba's is going to become world champion, he is going to be respected rather than just feared, he's going to have friends, he is going to defeat the personification of the dirty boxing style that carried him through most of his career and he's going to stop being so overprotective over his sister. Either that or he'll get injured and have to retire from boxing forever in a karmic callback to his original sin in boxing when he broke Miyata's foot like thirtyodd years ago. Hopefully the first one.