#ALSO IT TOOK ME 7 MINUTES TO CHOOSE THIS PHOTO BECAUSE I GOT DISTRACTED ON PINTEREST

[khaleesiofalicante]

yeah

more like HELL YEAH

[alpacaparkaseok]

The Pact - Shocker

Pairing/Genre: OT7 BTS x reader (not poly), idol!BTS, best friend BTS

Word Count: 8.1k

Premise: The truth about the pact the boys have about you has been revealed. What happens when you agree to go on a single date with each of them?

Warnings: angst, lots of feelings, but a lot of those are fluffy, happy feelings lol

a/n: there’s not much left so say except for thank you. I hope you enjoy, I tried my best!

Shocker (finale)

series masterlist

“Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood.” -George Orwell ‘1984’

Sunday, 3:12 am – immediately following the events of date #7

           The fact that the lights are still on isn’t surprising in the least. It’s been like this after every date. Yoongi is no exception, apparently.

           He pauses outside the door, resting his hand gently against the doorknob. It’s nearly silent, but he can hear familiar voices speaking in hushed tones on the other side of the door. He stares at the dark door, unable to shake the memory of your tear-stained cheeks and swollen ankle from his mind. You had sounded so worried, so afraid of what comes next.

           You’d mumbled out his name when you made it to your bed, the exhaustion on your face momentarily replaced with a look he could only interpret as blind fear. And the way you’d looked at him, wide eyed with a quivering lip…he doesn’t think you noticed, but he nearly caved. He almost laid down beside you and taken you into his arms, deeming the time on the beach not enough.

           With you, it was never enough. Slivers of time and longing looks you never noticed; it would never be enough.

           If the botched date wasn’t evidence enough, it was then, when you gazed up at him and mumbled out his name, Yoongi knew.

           Tonight…it wasn’t enough.

           So he just leaned forward and watched how your eyes fluttered shut as he pecked your nose.

           “I know.”

          Jungkook straightens up from where he was slumped on the couch beside Jin the second the door opens and Yoongi walks in. The scattered conversation that they had all been using as a distraction fades out as each boy focuses in on the newcomer.

           Hobi is practically invisible beneath the huge sweatshirt he wears, his face barely visible as he speaks. “How was it?”

           For some reason or another, there’s always been a postdate analysis of sorts. It’s usually just like this: all of the boys gathered up in the living room in various states of consciousness. Jimin was the only one to slide by without an impromptu meeting after his date, partially because he was too exhausted to see straight and also because everyone knew he’d tell them all the details at breakfast the next morning. He did, and Taehyung actually managed to break a bowl when he lost it over the story of how you and Jimin got kicked out of the basilica.

           Namjoon, on the other hand, had been pretty grim when he realized that Jimin had been teasing you endlessly about your little kiss.

           Now, Yoongi shuffles inside and plops down unceremoniously beside Namjoon, who looks a little worried at the silence. Dropping his heads in his hands, Yoongi rubs at his face before leaning back against the couch.

           “It was fine, if you don’t count the twisted ankle.”

           “What?” Jimin sputter out, suddenly wide awake. “She got hurt?”

           “What happened?” Hobi follows up, leaning forward until he’s nearly slipping off of the couch. “Is she alright?”

           Yoongi is quick to explain your little accident, omitting your tears from the storytelling. He doesn’t want to embarrass you or make the others feel bad. The others listen with rapt attention, Jungkook’s mouth in a little ‘o’ all throughout.

           Jin remains silent on the couch, as he usually does during these little meetings. He’ll occasionally comment on something or voice a question, but he tends to remain fairly quiet. Drinking in the information, eyes clear despite the late hour.

           It’s unnerving.

           “So…it’s not a bad injury?” Namjoon asks, crossing his arms.

           “No, she’s fine,” Yoongi reassures. “Just tired. She went straight to bed after I dropped her off.”

           Taehyung grins knowingly. “Adorable.”

           Everyone is silent as everyone turns to their thoughts, the same thing on everyone’s mind. It’s Hobi again that breaks the silence, stretching and yawning as he gets to his feet.

           “Well, that’s that. It’s over. Gentlemen,” he eyes everyone around the room, shuffling toward the hallway where the warmth of his bed calls to him. “It’s been a pleasure working with you.”

           “Wait!” Jungkook also hops to his feet, much more alert than the older boy. “What happens now?”

           There are a few non-committal answers from around the room, but two people remain silent. Meeting eyes from across the space, Jin and Yoongi share a silent agreement.

           Jin clears his throat, and it’s only then that the boys realize that it’s been hours since he last spoke. With a soft smile he utters, “We let her choose. Whatever she wants, if she wants to go back to normal or decides to date someone.” His eyes return to Yoongi, and suddenly the memory of two years prior is laid out before them. “Then…we let her go.”

           “I’m just saying, if he didn’t want you to find it, he would’ve hidden it in his underwear drawer. Sock drawer is a stupid way to go.”

           You sip at the horchata Gina brought over for you, huffing out a laugh. “You’re so weird.”

           Gina shrugs. “Just saying. So what did you get up to yesterday?”

           Yesterday. You had woken up with red eyes and puffy cheeks from all the crying you had done the night before. Slightly embarrassed but more feeling miserable for yourself, you had crawled to the shower and tried to get your thoughts straight.

           When you emerged, you had a couple of texts to welcome you. They were from Jimin and Taehyung, welcoming you back to the groupchat. There were plenty of happy emojis and balloons taking up the messages, enough to make you crack a smile. You shot back a thank you text, letting out a sigh of relief.

           It was good to be back.

           When Namjoon texted and tentatively asked about the state of your ankle and if you were open to them popping over, you took nearly an hour to decide. Nervous about seeing all of them, cautious because you had no idea what would happen if you were in the same room.

           Who would you radiate toward, without even realizing?

           It was then, when that question popped up, that you realized that you had known the answer all along.

           It was startling, how the answer had been there all along. So simple, yet so unattainable.  

           “The boys wanted to check in on me,” you sigh, glaring down at your ankle. It’s still sore, but much better today. Although it’s safe to say you won’t be flying kites anytime soon.

           “But…?”

           “The thought of all seven of them in my little apartment at the same time was overwhelming,” you admit. “I needed a minute. To think. And I know I’ve had weeks to think about it, but yesterday was the first time I felt like I could see the full picture…if that makes sense.”

           Gina nods thoughtfully, reaching over to refill your glass of horchata. The sun is steadily making its way to the horizon, another day wrapping up. “It does. You’ve been going out with someone different each week, you’re probably suffering from information overload after all of those dates and the confession on the pact…how are you not exhausted?”

           “I was yesterday. I was torn – Gina, I want to go back to normal so bad. Just the way it was.”

           “Ignorance is bliss.”

           You set your glass down, pushing back from the table and crossing your arms. “Wouldn’t that be better?” You muse. “That way, nobody gets hurt.”

           Gina tilts her head to one side, eyes flashing. A smirk forms on her face. “You wouldn’t be saying this if you hadn’t already decided on someone.” She leans forward in her seat, staring into your soul. “Who?”

           You school your features into a neutral position. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

           “No, no. You don’t get to shut me out. You have feelings for someone, don’t you!” Gina points an accusing finger at you, letting out a startled laugh. “You totally do! What went on in your head, yesterday? Or maybe you’ve loved them for a while, and this is what it took to realize it-”

           “I can’t do it, Gina.” Your eyes are wide as you plead more with yourself than her. “I can’t do that to the others.”

           “And what, you plan to just let him go?”

           Dropping your head into your hands, you squeeze your eyes shut. “Do I have another choice?”

           The scrape of the chair against the floor alerts you to Gina rising from her seat, and you expect her to leave. She has every right to, you’re frustrated with yourself as well. However, a second later she’s rubbing your back, urging you to look up. Once you do, she offers you a small smile.

           “You always have a choice.”

           Gina stays for a couple more hours, offering her support as you blubber on about how worried you are. While your heart is urging you to throw caution to the wind and go after what you’ve wanted for longer than you ever realized before, your mind does a great job of conjuring up different reactions from the others.

           All of them are depressing. Every time you close your eyes you’re met with the crestfallen expressions of your best friends. Scenarios play out in your head, where you’re blissfully happy for a few seconds before everything comes tumbling down.

           “You’ve gotta get out of your head,” Gina chides as she eases off the couch. “You’re miserable.”

           You sigh, staring up at the ceiling. “It’s just…I can’t do anything. I can’t. That’s horrible of me.”

           “They’re grown boys; they knew what they were getting themselves into with this. Just…tell me something before I head out.”

           “…ok.”

           Gina pauses before the door, hands on her hips. “Why him? Because from where I’m sitting, they all love you.”

           The question takes you by surprise, but the answer is rolling off your tongue in an instant. “I want to be loved, yes. But more than that…I want to be understood.” You stare at a framed photo on the wall, solemn. “He understands me.”

           You don’t hear when Gina leaves, the thoughts in your head too loud. Instead you stay seated on the couch, chewing on your lip. Wondering.

           Remembering.

           All the times he’d been there – he was always there for you, how could you never notice? – never drawing attention to himself. Just there. Just in case you needed him.

           What’s stopping you?

           A knock on the door stops your train of thought, and you hobble up to your feet. Swinging the door open you say, “Did you forget something?”

           Jin stands on your porch, clutching a garment bag to his chest. His ears are bright red, set aflame by the setting sun. He’s wearing his glasses, which he pushes up on his nose. “I…no?”

           “Oh!” You step back, wincing a little from your ankle. “I thought you were Gina! I…hey.”

           “Hey.” Shuffling on his feet, Jin looks down at the bag he’s holding, seeming to remember why he was here in the first place. “Oh, here. I know it’s a little late, but I got your dress dry cleaned and…well, yeah. Here you go.”

           His hands tremble a bit, but you don’t comment as you take the bag from him. “Thank you. Your sweater is actually hanging up in my room…why don’t you come in while I grab it?”

           “Can I?” Jin looks down at your doorstep, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “I don’t want to intrude…”

           “Just come in!” You call over your shoulder, already heading down the hallway. “This will only take a second. Besides, it’s cold outside.”

           The door clicks shut, Jin stepping inside and shoving his hands in his pockets. You rush inside your room, throwing your dress on a hanger in the closet and scanning your clothes for Jin’s blue sweater. When you find it – grinning at the whale on the front – you pause. Holding it in your hands, you take a deep breath.

           “Hey,” Jin’s voice rings out down the hallway. You catch a slight tremble in his tone, which is mirrored by your shaking hands. “I a-actually wanted to talk to you for a second. If that’s ok…?”

           Clearing your voice of the emotion that’s riding you, you respond. “Just come down here.”

           A second later Jin is tentatively peeking inside your room, giving you a nervous smile. His eyes then land on your dresser, widening a bit.

           “So you did steal my copy!”

           Gasping, you toss Jin’s sweater at him and lunge for the dresser. There’s the pact, out in the open for anyone to see. “I- I was gonna give it back-”

           “I can’t believe you’d steal from me.”

           “It was for a good cause!”

           Jin rolls his eyes, laughing as he snatches the pact from you and holds it up in the air. “Nuh-uh, I’m taking this home with me. You’ve had it for long enough.” He makes a point of folding it up and sticking it in his back pocket, staring down at you with an amused expression.

           Suddenly you’re transported to his living room, dancing in his arms. Staring up at him like he put the stars in the sky while he looks at you like you’re the forbidden fruit.

           Is that why he’s here, now? To finally give in to the temptation?

           From the way the smile slides off his lips, you can tell that he’s remembering the same moment. His mouth opens a bit, looking as though he’s about to speak. After a moment, it shuts. Then he slowly reaches out, arms encircling you as he studies your expression. Waiting for any moment of discomfort.

           The second Jin pulls you into his embrace and you rest your head against his chest, his shoulders deflate and he lets out a long sigh.

           It’s not a sigh of relief.

           “Do you remember the first time we hung out together? Jimin wanted to bring you to the Spring Day set, and it was freezing. We were all complaining about our toes falling off and yelling at Namjoon for writing about such a cold song.”

           You chuckle, nodding. Jin’s voice rumbles through his chest as he continues. “I thought that it was so embarrassing, too. We were complaining like kids in front of Jimin’s pretty friend. I figured that you’d never want to hang out with us again. I’ll never forget how angry Jimin was with us after, saying that we were probably making you uncomfortable. Obviously, we all said that it was stupid of him to bring you to a freezing music video set for our first meeting.”

           Jin tightens his grip, laying his cheek atop your head and swaying gently back and forth. You’re not sure if he even realizes that he does it, but you don’t ask. Not as he’s walking down memory lane. It feels like it’s been centuries since you first met.

           “You know what I remember the most about you from that day?”

           You hum, nuzzling in a little closer. Hanging on for just a moment longer.

           “You never complained. Like, at all.” Jin cups your chin, making you look up at him. He smiles softly, but his eyes are sad. “I thought it was a superpower or something, seriously. You just smiled and joked around with Jungkook and Tae. If you were cold or uncomfortable or even weirded out by us, you didn’t say anything.”

           You roll your eyes, latching your hands behind Jin’s back. “I was definitely weirded out, but I didn’t want Jimin to feel bad. He was so excited for me to meet you guys.”

           Jin chuckles, the sound momentarily warming you up. “But the point is, you didn’t complain. You’ve always been like that. Even now, being dragged on seven dates and having to deal with us figuring out our own feelings, you never once complained. You never backed away.”

           The sadness that lingers in Jin’s eyes has you tightening your hold, wondering how to get rid of that sorrow. Your train of thought is interrupted when Jin brushes back a strand of hair, softly tucking it behind your ear.

           “You are beautiful and a wonder. You will always be important to me, no matter where life takes us. You will always be that person that I’ll drop everything for, ok?” Jin takes another long, adoring look at you before reaching behind him and gathering your hands in his. He slowly pulls away from you, staring down at where he holds your hands. “I might be an idiot at times, but I can tell when I’m in the way.”

           As he takes a step back, you watch as he drops your hands. “Jin, wait,” you reach out, grasping his arm as he moves to turn away. “Jin- Seokjin, what’s going on-”

           “You and Yoongi have that in common, did you know that?” Jin offers you a close-lipped smile, placing his hand on yours where you cling to his jacket. His thumb swipes over your knuckles once – twice – before he’s stepping back yet again. “Neither of you are complainers. I mean sure, there’s the funny complaints that everyone makes. But he has a penchant for suffering silently. I’d say he’s a bit of a masochist, but that’d be a lie. He just cares.”

           Jin has made it to your doorway now, where he pauses and leans against the doorframe. He crosses his arms, eyebrows furrowed in deep thought, a faraway look in his eyes. “I think he doesn’t know what to do with it, all those feelings. He just cares so much, about everyone. For you.”

           “Jin,” you gasp out, “what are you doing?”

           One corner of his lips pull up in a smirk. “Me?” He shifts his weight to his other leg. “Letting go.”

           “What are you even talking about?”

           “Don’t get me wrong, I intend to complain. You’ll get an official complaint in the mail soon enough, just give it three to five business days to get here. But I realized something a little while ago: complainers always find some new to complain about. And while that sucks, it also means that they move on. They find something new, no matter how long it takes.”

           He keeps looking at you with that sad smile, and it’s ripping the ground out from under you. You want to scream, throw something, or perhaps dissolve into tears. But nothing happens. You just keep breathing.

           In.

           Then out.

           And Jin keeps speaking. He’s rambling now, something he does when he’s nervous. His brows are still furrowed, and you wonder if he’s making this up as he goes. If the only thing he knew what that he had to find a way in, only to find a way out.

           “As twisted as my logic sounds, I think it gives me hope. Eventually, I’ll be ok. Probably be complaining about the weather or maybe even a girl in no time. Just give me some time, and I’ll bounce back.”

           “Jin,” you croak out. “…you don’t complain, not about these things. Why are you doing this? S-stop doing this.”

           “But it’s like I said: Yoongi doesn’t complain. Jagiya, I know him. Better than you do.” Jin closes his eyes, pinching them shut before opening them again. “He’ll never get over you. I mean it. And if my logic holds true…that means that you’ll never move past him, either.”

           Folding his sweater over his arm, Jin steps back into the hallway. You step forward, your stomach churning.

           “Seokjin!”

           He hesitates for a single heartbeat, almost looking like he’ll turn back around and declare it all some twisted joke. Like he’ll pull you back into his arms and admit that he’s been inside his memories for the past two weeks, replaying “La Vie en Rose” as he lies awake at night.

           But he doesn’t. He refuses to look at you as he marches down the hallway. As he walks, he continues to speak.

           “I was angry that night, when you called him instead of me. When you accidentally deleted your essay. He left, and I was stuck at home, pining after you like some teenage boy. I think even then, I knew that it wouldn’t be me in the end. But I’d die trying.” He laughs, joking but it doesn’t come off very funny.

           It’s when he’s reached the door and goes to pull it open that you call out to him again, sounding like you’re on the verge of tears. “But it was you, wasn’t it?” You run a hand through your hair. “You wrote the note, o-on the back of the pact.”

           With his hand on the doorknob, Jin glances back at you over his shoulder. Now you understand why he couldn’t stand to look at you a moment earlier. Those are tears glistening in his eyes.

           He looks at you for a long moment, eyes so clear and bare that you can see the very moment he lays down his weapons and admits defeat. “Would it change anything?”

           He’s already twisting the doorknob, but just before he opens the door, he hesitates. Waiting for an answer, you realize. Some small part of him still pulses with hope, even after all he’s said.

           You can’t give that hope.

           “There’s a difference, you know,” Jin mumbles, eyes dropping. “Just because I loved you first doesn’t mean I can love you the best. I think sometimes the world forgets that.”

           And then he’s gone.

           In.

           Out.

           Perhaps the most shocking development has been the fact that you’re still breathing. When Jin leaves your apartment, the sky doesn’t fall. Your heart, while aching, doesn’t shatter into a million little pieces. The quiet hum of your dishwasher continues on, oblivious to all that’s transpired.

           A few tears slip down your cheeks, which you quickly wipe away. When your dishwasher buzzes, you drift over to it as though in a daze. Wiping your hands on your dishtowel, you move to open the dishwasher.

           But it’s that dishtowel with stitched stars that Yoongi gifted you forever ago. Stars.

           You are the stars I’ve been reaching for ever since that night.

           Snatching the towel from where it hands off your oven, you fumble for your phone. Dishes long forgotten, you bring the phone up to your ear and nervously tap your foot. “C’mon, c’mon…”

           “Jagiya?”

           “Hobi!”

           “Hey, what’s up? How’s your ankle?”

           You chew on your lip, struggling to regain composure. “I- yeah. The ankle’s fine. Look, I need to cash in my question now.”

           Hobi chuckles on the other side of the phone. “That’s what I was afraid of. Wanna come over to the studio?”

           “Be there soon.”

           It’s dark outside, countless stars winking down at you as you hurry inside the Hybe building. You throw a glare up at them, wondering if they were in on it the entire time. If the stars have always been aware that Min Yoongi had no interest in them, much preferring your company to the twinkling lights in the heavens.

It’s your first time in here, the boys having recently moved into the new building. As such, you’re instantly disoriented. At a loss for where to go, you call Hobi.

“Hey, where…?”

“Turn around!”

You whirl around to see the elevator doors sliding open, Hobi hopping out. “Hey, you made it!” He instantly pulls you in for a hug, which you gratefully receive. “Everything ok, jagi?”

It’s then that you realize how you must look. Tear-stained cheeks and tired eyes don’t make for the best combination. “Oh…yeah. I’m alright.”

Hobi doesn’t believe you at all, but he doesn’t push it. Not here, out in the open lobby. Instead he pulls you into the elevator, punching one of the buttons. “Long day?”

You laugh quietly, leaning up against the wall of the elevator. “A little, yeah. What about you? What are you up to?”

“Oh, we’re recording a new Japanese OST. Wanna listen to it once we get up there?”

“Is that even a question?”

It feels unbelievably good to be here with Hobi, falling into an easy conversation despite the nervousness coursing through your veins. Once you reach the eighth floor, Hobi leads you down the hallway toward a closed door.

“What’s that?” He asks, pointing to where you still hold the dishtowel in your hands.

You blink, not even realizing that you brought it in with you. “Oh…um…part of my question, I think?”

Hobi chuckles, pausing outside of the door. “I was wondering when you were gonna use that question.”

At the end of your date with Hobi two months ago, he’d allowed you two questions about whatever you wanted to know. You only asked one, wanting to keep the other for a future time. You never thought it would lead to this.

“Ok, let’s head inside.”

Your eyes widen, but Hobi doesn’t notice as he pushes the door open and strides inside. The sight that greets you makes you want to sink through the floor.

Namjoon and Jungkook sit in front of the recording equipment, while Taehyung and Jimin lounge on the couches at the back of the room. Yoongi is busy on the other side of the glass, eyes closed as he raps into the mic. His dark hair is straight, kissing his brows while he clenches his fists at his sides,

You’re frozen in place as suddenly you’re surrounded by his voice. It’s lilting, more like singing than rapping. The words coming from his mouth stop your heart.

“Don't have to be right, just wanted you to stay the way you are, kindhearted, always smiling, but-”

“Hey!” Taehyung jumps up from his seat, alerting everyone to your presence. “You’re here!”

Jungkook swivels around in his chair, wide eyes crinkling as he grins. Namjoon quietly greets you, cheeks pink as he struggles to focus on the task at hand.

It’s Jimin that notices how lost you look. “Everything alright?” He ambles over to you, bending his knees a bit to look at you. He grabs your shoulder, eyes scanning your face. “Jagiya? Want to sit down?”

But you’re still clinging to Hobi, one hand wrapped up in the fabric of his jacket. “I…actually, Hobi, weren’t you gonna show me your new studio?”

You look back at Hobi, aware that everyone in the room is now staring at him as well with confused looks. You give Hobi a pleading look, but not before you see someone on the other side of the glass.

Yoongi stands before the microphone, frowning as he looks at you. As you lock eyes, he tilts his head to one side and mouths a single word.

Jin?

“I…uh, yeah. Yeah, let’s go look at it first and then come right back, right?” Hobi says, the confusion clear in his voice. Thankfully, he doesn’t question you and instead steps back through the door. “Be right back, guys.”

Just before you walk away, you turn back to try to communicate to Yoongi that you’re here for him, not Jin. But he’s gone, the side door to the studio still swinging from where he walked out.

           Your head is still spinning by the time Hobi heads into his own studio, hardly pausing to admire it before he’s whipping around to face you. The second he closes the door, he’s crossing his arms and giving you a worried look.

           “What was that all about?” He asks. “What’s going on?”

           “Hobi,” you croak out. “Hobi, I need help. I need answers.”

           Plopping down on his cushiony swivel chair, you squint at him. You can feel a headache coming on.

           “I can’t give you the answers if you don’t ask the questions, jagi,” Hobi chides, pulling up another chair to sit in front of you. His gaze catches on your wrist. “You still wear the bracelet I made you?”

           You pause, glancing down at the bracelet. “Of course. Everyday.”

           Hobi smiles softly to himself before leaning back and letting out a long sigh. “Ok. Tell me what’s going on.” He eyes the star-spangled dishtowel still in your hands. “I assume this is about Yoongi?”

           “I…how did you know?”

           He nods to the towel, chuckling softly. “He came to me asking if I knew how to embroider. I didn’t, but I got him a little embroidery kit to practice with on tour. It cracked me up when he ended up buying plain white dishtowels and would spend his time backstage embroidering little stars on them. I didn’t know he was planning on giving them to you at the time…do you guys have some sort of inside jokes with stars or something?”

           You stare at Hobi like he’s just grown a second head. “He what?”

           “What?” Hobi blinks. “Did you not know that he stitched them?”

           Of course not. When Yoongi had gifted you the dishtowels, you’d thought it was sweet, if a bit odd. You even remember joking with him about it, saying that he’d paid off the neighborhood grandma to do it for him.

           “No! I never knew that! Why would I…why would he…”

           “So…you don’t have an inside joke about stars?”

           You sigh, throwing a hand over your eyes. “How could I be so blind?” Slumping down in the chair you ask miserably, “I mean, it makes sense, I guess…he’s done so many things-”

           At this, Hobi stops you. “Like what?”

           There is a long, long list of things that Yoongi did for you that he never told the boys.

           “Or there’s that time he passed up on his Laker’s tickets because I had that end-of-year project due, and I was worried that nobody would show up to my presentation.”

           You remember that with a jolt. You had to give a twenty minute presentation on the effects of addiction, something that hardly seemed like a riveting topic. The general public was invited to the lecture hall, but despite your valiant efforts handing out fliers and sending e-vites, you were convinced that it was going to be a flop.

           It was. There were about seventeen people scattered about the hall that typically seated three hundred. Your hands were shaking and you thought you might burst into tears on stage because you felt like an utter failure, but then movement caught your eyes.

           Sneaking in and taking a seat on the very back row, sat Yoongi. His bucket hat was pulled low across his eyes and a couple of body guards tried (and failed) to looked inconspicuous as they took seats near him. When you stuttered, he help up a thumbs up and quietly encouraged you to go on.

           Jin’s words from earlier come back to you. I think he doesn’t know what to do with it, all those feelings. He just cares so much, about everyone. For you.

           By this point, you’re exhausted with all of the things Yoongi has done over the years. How blind you’ve been to his unadulterated kindness. Hobi senses it, seeing your shoulders droop. He falls silent, allowing you to sort out your thoughts before you speak.

           “Does he still want me?”

           Looking up at Hobi, you allow yourself to feel the question at you repeat it. “How could he still want me? After how blind I’ve been to my own feelings?”

           Hobi smiles softly, leaning forward to take your hand in his. He gives it a reassuring squeeze. “Jagi…I don’t think Yoongi completely understood his own feelings most of the time.”

           “But he’s done so much-”

           “That he has. But when you love someone, you don’t do those kinds of things for gain. He didn’t do those things to make you fall in love with him.” Hobi laughs to himself, shaking his head in disbelief. “He did it because you’re the right person. And when you’re with the right person, it’s simple. Does he still want you? Simple.” He shrugs. “Yes.”

           Yoongi is gone, Jungkook tells you when the boys eventually come knocking at Hobi’s studio. They sit in a semi-circle, pondering all that they’ve learned. Hobi had quickly explained the situation to them, and despite your worry, nothing happened.

           Nobody yelled, nobody banished you from their life.

           Instead, Jimin had laughed. Laughed.

           “Pay up, loser,” he’d commanded as he elbowed Taehyung. Taehyung whined and said that he’d Venmo him in a second.

           “Wait, you made a bet?” You shriek. “About who I’d go for?!”

           The boys all laugh nervously, Namjoon slowly edging toward the door. You snap your fingers at him, glaring. “You don’t get to leave, Kim. Were you a part of this?”

           “I…yeah…”

           “But Yoongi’s gone,” Jungkook repeats. “Aren’t you gonna tell him?”

           You sigh. “How am I supposed to tell him? Just march up to him and throw myself at him?”

           Namjoon shrugs. “I mean, that’d work for me.”

           “Yeah,” Jungkook chuckles darkly. “Just go for that.”

           Hobi rolls his eyes, leaning forward in his seat. “Just do whatever you feel comfortable with, jagiya. But do it soon. You’ll psych yourself out if you wait much longer.”

           It feels like you’ve time-traveled back to middle school, gossiping around the lunch table about your crush. Somehow, that’s comforting. While there’s a bit of awkwardness in the air, you can’t help but feel like you’re back.

           “Oh,” Taehyung snaps his fingers, mouth open in a little ‘o’, “but whatever you do, make sure there’s cookies. Or some sort of dessert.”

           “What?”

           “You know, to celebrate if he accepts your confession, or to make you feel better if he rejects you.”

           Gasping, you jump up to your feet. You point an accusing finger at Hobi. “But you said that he’d still want me!”

           “He does! Taehyung, take that back right now.”

           Tae stands up, his grin softening as he steps forward. That’s when you see how much they’ve been hiding behind their playful demeanors. For you. To help you.

           Wrapping you up in a hug, Taehyung squeezes you tight. “It’ll be fine. Don’t you worry.” And then, quieter so no one else can hear, “We’ll be fine.”

           You’ve never considered yourself to be a nervous baker, but here you are. Sliding another cookie sheet into the oven while two batches are cooling on your kitchen table.

           By the time you made it home last night, you could hardly keep your eyes open. While sleep did come to you relatively quickly, you were wide awake the second the sun crested the horizon. Wide awake, and a nervous wreck.

           Is this how the boys felt when they came to take you out? If so, they deserve a medal of bravery. You’re still within the comfort of your own home, but you can hardly breathe properly.

           Perhaps that has something to do with the fact that Yoongi just sent you a text that he’s on his way. Bouncing on your feet, you run your hands under the cold water in an effort to rid yourself of clammy palms. Drying your hands on the infamous dishtowel, you smile softly.

           Everything is going to be ok.

           Yoongi doesn’t get there for a long time. It’s long enough that you’re worried, and you pick up your phone to call him. A second later, you hear another phone ringing just outside your door. Hardly believing it, you rush toward the front door only to pause.

           “Here we go.”

           Swinging the door open, you come face to face with a guilty looking Yoongi. He’s halfway back down the stairs, but freezes in his steps as he hears the door open.

           “Yoongi?” You’re absolutely bewildered. “Where are you going?”

           Letting out a breathy laugh, Yoongi slowly begins trekking back up the stairs. “Oh…um…I thought I left something in the car.”

           “That’s a lie, isn’t it?”

           “What, are we not lying to each other today?”

           Smiling softly, you shake your head and open the door a little wider. “No. Not today, I’m afraid.”

           Something akin to fear flashes in Yoongi’s eyes at your words, but a second later he’s back to normal. “Smells great. Are you baking cookies?”

           “I’ve baked about a thousand, yeah. Can’t stop. It’s a condition.” You ramble as you turn and head into the kitchen, hoping that he’s following. The sound of his footsteps confirms that he is. “Want some?”

           When he doesn’t answer, you turn around to see what’s going on.

           Yoongi stands beside your table, fists clenched in the sleeves of his cardigan. He’s practically staring holes into the sweet treats, brows furrowed as he takes a deep breath. When he exhales, it’s shaky.

           “I’m fine, you know,” he grinds out, not looking at you. “You didn’t need to bake me cookies. I’m not…I’m not mad.”

           “Mad? What?”

           “Isn’t this why you brought me over? To let me down easy?” His voice is quiet, yet every word is like a bullet. “That’s why you were at the studio last night, wasn’t it? You were talking to the others about Jin.”

           Your heart stops.

           Is that why he disappeared last night? He thought that you’d made your decision, and it wasn’t him?

           “Yoongi, that’s not-”

           He’s already stepping back, refusing to look at you. His eyes are trained on the floor as he stumbles back toward the entryway, looking like he’s doing his best not to full out sprint. “I’m fine, jagiya. I know you’re worried sick about us, but don’t worry. I already told you not to worry, don’t you remember? I shouldn’t have said all of those stupid things on the beach…is that why you brought me over? You felt like I needed some sort of special treatment?”

           You take off after him, unable to believe what you’re hearing. “Yoongi, listen to me. This is for you. It’s all for you.”

           But he doesn’t hear you, he’s busy fumbling with his shoes that he slipped off beside the door. His hands are shaking, but he still refuses to look at you. “I’m so sorry for worrying you,” he says earnestly. His black hair is falling in his eyes, but it doesn’t shield his pink cheeks from your eyes. “I…wow, this is humiliating, isn’t it? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come-“

           “I invited you-”

           “-but I didn’t want to worry you even more, so I came over – why can’t I get these shoes on?!” He collapses to his knees, dropping his head into his hands as he finally gives up on his shoes. “Even that was a stupid mistake,” he whispers, never one to raise his voice. “I bought these for our date but then I realized that they would be stupid to wear to the beach.” He laughs at himself, no humor in the sound.

           You take a look at the dark shoes, which appear to be made of leather. They lace up, but it’s obvious that they’re not broken in yet. Crouching down beside Yoongi, who keeps his face hidden in his hands, you struggle to find words.

           “They look nice,” you mumble, voice raw. Have you been screaming? Or perhaps it’s the emotional exhaustion, finally setting in. “Very pretty.”

           “I wanted to wear them for you. Just once.” Taking a deep breath, Yoongi sits back and brings his knees up to his chest. He back presses against the back of your couch.

           And you’re here. Sitting beside him in the entryway to your small apartment. So far away from where you thought you’d be.

           As Yoongi glares at his shoes, you notice just how bloodshot his eyes are. Like he hasn’t slept in days.

           “Isn’t it odd?” He muses, tired eyes dragging over to meet yours. You’re unable to breathe as he stares at you without the barriers he usually puts up for himself. For the first time you can ever remember, Yoongi looks at you and lets you see everything. Perhaps he’s too tired to mask the longing anymore.

           Your voice comes out as nothing more than a whisper. “What’s odd?”

           He inhales sharply before breathing out slowly. “After everything, I’m still trying to impress you.”

           The small confession strikes you like a bolt of lightning, and you screw your eyes shut. Once the feeling passes and you’ve composed yourself, you open your eyes again to find Yoongi’s again on his shoes. He nibbles on his bottom lip as he reaches out and eases his shoe from your hands. Then, he slips it on his foot.

           As he begins to tie the laces, you open your mouth to say all of the things you should have a long time ago.

           “I see you everywhere I go.” Your eyes are trained on his deft fingers as he pauses for a moment before continuing to lace up his shoe. “For a long time, I didn’t know what to do about it. I just brushed it off as a side effect of our friendship. In my mind, it was better to ignore it than to face it, because then what? I could never have you.”

           His hands are trembling again as he finishes his right shoe and reaches for the left.

           “You’ve always been so good. There whenever I needed you, there just in the off-chance I called. On stand-by, like my own personal assistant.” You chuckle, perhaps a little insane by this point. “And I convinced myself that whatever that was between us, it was enough. It was just gonna be me and my seven best friends for the rest of my life. But then…things started to change. You guys challenged me to view you as something more.”

           He’s nearly finished tying his shoe now, your time is nearly out. But he fumbles, unable to quite finish.

           “That night you guys came up with the dating idea, I knew I was walking into a trap. I wasn’t worried about anyone crossing any boundaries, I was worried about me making the biggest mistake of my life. Sitting there I think I was starting to realize I had feelings for you, and I was one slip-up away from hurting everyone else.”  Now he stops breathing. But his fingers are still slowly working at the laces. “I cared for you then, but I loved you when you showed up at my door seven dates later.”

           He’s just managed to finish tying his shoe when you stop speaking. He doesn’t speak, only staring down at those laces with wide eyes as he processes what you just said. You take his silence in stride, still talking. Still confessing.

           “I didn’t know how to tell you that I was torn between the what-if’s and the what-is. That I was drowning in the possibilities everyone was offering me, but that when I was with you I was finally able to see the world for what it is. But you just said, ‘I know’ and I thought that you did. I figured you knew, because you’re you, how could you not know what I was thinking? You always do.”

           Yoongi stops nibbling on his lip long enough to voice a question, his voice hoarse. “The world for what it is…what is it?”

           You take courage in his curiosity, deeming this a good development. “It’s only tolerable because you’re in it.”

           He falls silent again, deep in his thoughts.

           “Yoongi,” you call softly, heart hammering against you ribs. “Could you look at me for a second?”

           He does, eyes wide with confusion.

           Those eyes, the ones you see everywhere you go. Crinkled up in laughter, joking with you over something stupid. Proudly watching you from the back row as you present to a small crowd. Filled with adventure as you sneak your hand into his pocket at the haunted house, inviting you to dive inside.

           It was those eyes that you saw looking back at you that night with Jungkook, out of breath and lost as suddenly it wasn’t Jungkook kissing you, but Yoongi. That forbidden dream become real as you squeezed your eyes shut and allowed yourself to pretend for a moment longer before pulling away.

           It’s now, looking into Yoongi’s dark eyes that hold so much promise, that you find it easier than ever to say what you should have said that night when he showed up to help you with your essay. Looking frazzled but ready to swim the entire ocean if it would help you. Instead, you had just given him a lingering hug before excusing yourself to go to your room and sleep.

           Sleep hadn’t found you that night, because you had been awake and asking your ceiling why a man like Min Yoongi would do anything for you.

           “Yoongi,” you whisper. “I love you.”

           He doesn’t move, but just blinks. Once. Twice. You see the doubt swirling in his eyes, so when you reach out to pull at his shoelace, you repeat it.

           “I love you.”

           One shoe at a time, you untie the laces. You undo the pain you’ve caused him, break down the barriers he put up.

           “I love you.”

           You continue to repeat the words, focusing on his shoes and not daring to look up at him just yet. Not until you get his shoes off, because then you feel like he can’t run away.

           So you undo the knots and repeat those words with a shaking voice. “I love you, Yoongs.” When you go to slip the shoes from his feet, he helps you, kicking them off and reaching forward to place his hand under your chin and make you look at him.

           Yoongi is crying when you look at him, the tears falling silently. A part of you wonders if he even realizes that he’s crying.

           “You…” he swallows, those eyes so wide. “…love me?”

           It’s simple.

           “Yes.”

           Yoongi furrows his brows again, trying to understand everything that’s happening. “But…Jin.”

           There will be time to explain everything. For now, you answer the question Jin asked you yesterday, standing before this very door. “The pact, the note. It doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t change how I feel. He came over yesterday to ‘let go’, he said.”

           Something like recognition flashes across Yoongi’s face at those two words, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead he nods slowly, trying to follow what you’re saying. “And you feel…”

           “I feel very in love with you, yes.”

           What happens next is burned into your memory for the rest of your life.

           Yoongi sits up, reaching across to you in a flash, pulling you until you’re falling forward. He lets out a shaky breath, pulling you into his lap just like he did on the beach. And as he holds you, he laughs. He’s still laughing as he plants a soft kiss to your forehead. He’s grinning as he presses his lips to your cheeks.

           Tears are still falling down his cheeks as he brushes his lips against your own. Hesitantly, as though worried you might pull away and tell him it was all a joke.

You return the kiss fervently, speaking in a language only you two can understand. He pulls away, staring down at you as though surprised to find that you’re really here and not just a figment of his imagination.

“I love you,” he whispers. And then he’s kissing you in earnest.

Breathlessly, desperately, and with a touch of insanity that only comes after spending two nights wide awake and heartbroken. As he holds you tight and kisses you harder, you know that he’s healing himself with each touch.

           One kiss, one shattered fragment of his heart sliding back into place.

           Your hands wrap around his neck and wind into his hair, pulling him impossibly closer as he gasps and whispers those three words again. “I love you.”

           When the smell of burnt cookies pulls you apart several minutes later, Yoongi wraps his arms around your waist and sticks to you like glue. He rests his chin on your shoulder, planting a few lazy kisses along your jaw that sets your skin aflame. “Mm, I love you,” he mumbles between kisses.

           Placing the burnt cooking atop the stove, you chuckle. “I know.”

           “Agh,” Yoongi groans, burying his head in your shoulder. “I thought you meant something different, ok?”

           “I know.”

           “Yah! I was trying to be understanding of your feelings I thought you had for Jin!”

           Reaching to turn off the oven, you grin. “I’m never letting you live that down.”

           As Yoongi feigns annoyance while shoveling cookies into his mouth, you marvel at all it took to get to this point. Yoongi notices your attention, puffy cheeks turning pink. But he doesn’t shy away, instead he silently offers you a cookie.

           “So…” he begins, a smirk playing on his lips. “I’ve been thinking.”

           “Dangerous.”

           “Well, I know how much you like bad boys.”

           “Mm, true.”

           Yoongi laughs along with you before continuing. His eyes sparkle like the night sky, drawing you in. “Are you free this Saturday?”

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thank you all for reading! I’ll be back with an inside look at the pact as well as answering any questions you may have. Feel free to send your questions in! 

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[talesofarcadia78]

Hello! 😄 Can I request a fluffy oneshot with prompts: “And I love, I love, I love you.” and [a gentle “I love you too” whispered after a soft kiss, followed immediately by a stronger kiss] about Douxie attempts to confess his romantic feelings to shy!female!human! reader and he end up super flustered, but its okay because she thinks it's cute? Hint: She has romantic feelings for Douxie too! I live for flustered Douxie! 💖 Please?? ~🌼

A/n: Special thanks to @itsgabby.2021 for helping!

Confession || One shot

The wind picked up, letting out a quiet whistle. The leaves on the trees had started to change it's colours from the bright green to a warm orange. You wrapped your scarf around your neck and tugged on your jumper, attempting to get warmer.

You continued your way down the path to work.

The smell of coffee instantly hit you as soon as you opened the door of your beloved GDT Arcane Books. You hung your tote bag on one of the hangers next to the entrance.

"Good morning, Y/n!" a chipper voice called from the second floor of the store.

"Good morning, Douxie!" you called back.

You walked over to Douxie's cat, Archie, who was enjoying the morning sun by a window. You pat Archie on his exposed stomach, earning a purr before making your way over to the register.

You had been working at the bookstore for only a month but you felt like that you've been working there forever. Douxie was in urgent need of an employee as his last one had left the state with his wife. He had hung posters all over town, handing any passing person his business card and making calls to his friends to spread the word. Luckily, you had just moved from Europe to the small, quaint town, Arcadia, desperately needing a job.

One day, you were walking around in town, when you noticed a poster saying that GDT Arcane Books was hiring. You rushed over to the store to get interviewed. You were honestly expecting an ageing women/man to be the owner. But it turned out to be your pen pal, Hisirdoux Casperan. He was very happy to meet you in person after years of communicating through letters. He immediately gave you the job, no interview needed, since he knew practically everything about you and vice versa.

After a couple of days of working at the store, you had started to admire Douxie more than just a friend. You had developed a crush on him, which slowly turned into love. But, you knew that Douxie would never feel the same way, so you keep your mouth shut. You were happy with what you had and didn't want to ruin it by blurting out your feelings.

Little did you know, Douxie felt the same way for you.

The offer had been placed to stay at Douxie's place, knowing that you were new in town. But you politely declined, since you were already staying at a pink haired witch's apartment named Zoe Ashildr.

Turns out, Zoe and Douxie knew each other as fellow wizards. Douxie trusted Zoe to keep you safe and kept you company whenever he couldn't.

Back to the present, Douxie came down the stairs with two cups of coffee in each hand, whilst using his telekinesis floated empty boxes behind him.

"Here's a cup of coffee for a lovely lady," Douxie winked as he set a cup on the register as you were counting a new shipment of books.

"Thanks, Doux!" you called, keeping your self distracted as your cheeks had turned a crimson red from his comment.

+ + + + + +

You went to the back, needing to refill a few shelves with new novels.

Almost there…

Your fingers lightly brushed the book you wanted, but you failed to grab it.

You tried again, standing on your tip toes, even though you were on a ladder, you took the risk. This time you successfully got the novel but your foot slipped off of the ladder.

"Douxie!"

Douxie was walking to the back, wondering why you were taking so long, when he heard his name getting yelled by none other than you.

He rushed into the back room to see you falling from a dangerous height.

"Magna tawna truess!" Douxie incanted.

A sky blue aura surrounded you, saving you from the fall. You slowly got placed on the ground.

"You alright?" Douxie asked, frantically looking over you for any injuries.

"I-I'm alright Douxie," you replied.

He let out a sigh of relief.

"Whenever you need to get something from that height, just ask me, okay?"

You nodded in response.

+ + + + + +

You handed the book to the petit, old lady, who gave you some cash, along with a tip, before she headed out of the store.

“Time to close up shop,” Douxie stated, coming out from the back room.

“Finally! It’s been a long day,” you replied, stretching.

Douxie laughed at your antics.

“Get some rest, Y/n,” he smiled, heading to the front door and holding it open for you.

“Thanks, Doux. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” you said as you walked past him, “I-- ummm… Bye.”

“Yes. Bye, love. See you tomorrow,” he chuckled.

You made your way to you and Zoe’s shared apartment.

You couldn’t help but fluster yourself as thoughts of Douxie ran through your mind.

Before you knew it, you had arrived at your destination, Zoe ready to greet you.

“Hey, Y/n!” Zoe called, leaning on the doorframe, “How was work?”

“Oh, y’know… same-same,” you answered as you entered the abode.

“I forgot to mention this earlier! Douxie’s coming over for dinner!” she hollered from her spot in the kitchen as if she didn’t expect a reaction out of you.

“W-w-what?!” you sputtered, spitting out the drink that was in your mouth.

“Yeah! He should be here at 7!”

You looked at the time.

6:45…

“But… that’s… t-that’s in 15 minutes!” you cried as you ran to your room and rummaged through your clothes for something to wear.

“Well, you better hurry!” she snickered, playfully rolling her eyes.

After rummaging through your wardrobe, you finally found (you choose what you want to wear, rather than the usual plain white shirt and black pants.

Abruptly, you heard the door bell rang.

Oh no… Douxie's here.

You scrambled out of your room and into the main room to see Zoe standing in the doorway, greeting Douxie. He walked inside and spotted you.

"Hey, Y/n!" Douxie waved.

"H-Hi Douxie," you said, “W-what a nice surprise…”

“Indeed. I thought dinner was cancelled when you left work, but Zoe reminded me,” he informed.

You all sat down at the dining table, Zoe serving you your meals.

Zoe and Douxie talked over dinner, exchanging quips and banters.

You just sat there with your mouth shut, afraid of saying something embarrassing in front of Douxie.

After dinner, you tidied up the table, carrying the dishes to the sink.

“Hey! We should get some dessert! How does ice cream sound?” Zoe asked.

You and Douxie exchanged excited glances and nodded in agreement.

“Sounds good,” you smiled.

“Great! Let’s go!” Zoe exclaimed, ushering you and Douxie out the door.

+ + + + + +

You all were enjoying your ice cream at the Bluff, as you all had found the ice cream truck there. Douxie and you were sitting on the bench that was provided, while Zoe was sitting crossed-legged on the ground.

You were showing Douxie all the constellations, pointing each one out to him. He was amazed by all of your knowledge on just stars and space. Douxie knew you had an interest in a lot of things, cooking, art, sport, space, and a whole other stuff. Now, he knows you also take an interest in constellations.

Suddenly, someone's phone began ringing. Zoe noticed it was hers and picked it up.

By the way Zoe's expression turned from happy and cheerful from stressed and worried, you could tell, something was wrong.

She hung up and jumped to her feet.

"Sorry, guys. I have to go. There's a problem at Hex Tech," Zoe explained. "Bye!"

She rushed off before either you or Douxie could say anything.

You both looked at each other and shrugged before going back to constellations.

+ + + + +

Now, you two were just gazing at the stars. Douxie was in deep thought.

He had fallen in love with you in the few months he had started to write letters to you. He had only seen you through a photo that you had attached of yourself in the second letter to him, but he also got to know you through the letters. You had poured your heart into those letters, telling him everything and anything. Douxie had done the same.

He wanted to confess to you so badly! Douxie had planned to confess his feelings a few days ago, though it didn't turn out so great.

Douxie had taken you out to lovely restaurant for dinner. Everything was going according to his plan, your hands were in his as he was going to say everything, when the waiter came and interrupted. And for what? The damn bill!

You being you, took out your card to pay. Douxie wouldn't allow that. So, you two started to argue over who was going to pay the bill. Douxie ended up paying, as he planned the dinner for you.

He tried again outside of the restaurant, where there would be no interruptions. Well, that's what he thought.

You had to go to a friend’s house just after the dinner, so they decided to pick you up. Douxie had no idea about this.

Again, he was going to confess, when a car pulled up beside you two, telling you to hop in.

You apologised and headed off.

After you were gone, Douxie kicked the ground and headed to his house.

Defeated.

+ + + + + +

As you were looking up at the night sky, star gazing, Douxie was gazing at you.

He had made up his mind. He was going to tell you. Everything. Right then and there.

"Uh… Y/n? I-- uh… I wanted to tell you something," Douxie spoke up.

You turned your attention to him, "Yeah?"

Douxie took your hands in his, which made you blush a little.

"Okay, here goes nothing. Y/n… ever since I saw you-- I mean… wrote to you… Well, after I got to know you through writing letters-- through the letters, I started to look at you differently. Not in a weird way! Just more than a friend? Then, when I saw you for the first time in Arcadia, before you came to the shop. I was shocked, like I was surprised that you were in Arcadia. It's not a bad thing! I thought you lived in Europe, but turns out you moved. Anyways, I started to admire you than more a friend. I've gotten to know so much about you over the past month. So, all I want to say is that… I love you…" Douxie stammered.

You giggled at his stammering and flustered state.

He is so adorable.

Douxie took a deep breath before he repeated, "I love you." He stared into your eyes before he pressed his lips onto yours, kissing you softly as you kissed back. You both pulled away, keeping your foreheads touching.

"I love you, too," you whispered.

Douxie's eyes lit up like a child before he pulled you into another kiss, though this time, it was more stronger than the first.

You both pulled away for air just as you heard a click.

You turned your head to the source, to see a pink-haired witch standing there with her phone out, clearly taking pictures.

"Aww! You two are so cute!" Zoe cooed.

You furiously blushed and buried your face into Douxie's chest as he wrapped his arms around you.

"Zoe Ashildr!"

Word Count: 1,900

[fiadhaisteach]

About me

Thanks for the tag, @oxygenforthewicked​! 🤗

1: Why did you choose your url?

When I decided to dump @/SiberianSpring (just the url... my City of Heroes main character will always have iterations running around), I went back to an older internet user name I'd abandoned way back when. I grabbed Aisteach on AO3, then found it wasn't available on Tumblr. Oops. 😝 A little Gaeilge wordplay and I ended up with FiadhAisteach.

Fiadh, depending on context, can be a noun or adjective, independent or prefixed and has several meanings, including: deer, wild, wilderness, outsized, large, respect, and esteem.

Aisteach is an adjective meaning strange, weird, queer, surprising, peculiar, odd, and/or wonderful.

2: Any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

Just @live-creatively, where I dump “all the creative/crafty/inspiration guides & how-to posts & re-blogs [I find] so I have some hope of finding them again.” Other than that I just dump everything in this one spot... I barely remember to use @live-creatively; I can’t imagine trying to keep up with a host of side blogs.

3: How long have you been on tumblr?

Technically since 2014, but there was a two-year gap in there when I was inactive. Then I resurfaced when I needed to connect with DA fanfic writers & artists, and here we are.

4: Do you have a queue tag?

Yes. rifts in the queue

5: Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I had a few friends from LJ days who popped their heads onto BookFace long enough to direct me to their blogs here.

6: Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

I change it up everyone once in a while, but it’s usually just one of my photographs. Right now it’s a monarch butterfly photo I took, at Monarch Grove Sanctuary, on my honeymoon.

7: Why did you choose your header?

Again, I change it up every few months, and it’s frequently one of my own photos. This one is obviously a spiderweb on a small branch. It’s damp with mist from South Falls at Silver Falls State Park.

8: What’s your post with the most notes?

Grandma Kathy’s Hard Toffee Recipe (I used JetBlackCode.com to find out). *does a little happy chair dance*

9: How many mutuals do you have?

145, if I counted right according to tumblr, though I’m sure some of them aren’t active anymore.

10: How many followers do you have?

264.

11: How many people do you follow?

881. Believe it, or not, I curate my dash quite meticulously. Even so, my dashboard is a wonderful, chaotic mess, & I love it. Many of these are inactive friends that have moved on to other social media sites, but I refuse to “unfriend/unfollow” here or are organization's blogs that I like to follow for their news/updates. I also have 50, or so, blogs that I “Get Notifications” for, so even when I’m distracted by other shinies I don’t miss too much.

12: Have you ever made a shitpost?

Probably... possibly. It depends on your definition of shitpost.

13: How often do you use tumblr each day?

Probably way too much. It’s where I turn when “I’m on hold on the phone, while also waiting for a customer to actually ask a question so I can’t actually get work accomplished,” which happens way more frequently than you might think. I also pop over when I’ve got just a minute before something else is starting and I can’t let myself focus, but I know someone else will be interrupting my “TumblrTime,” so I'm not “wasting time.”

On non-work days & evenings... I’m on & off constantly, between fics and/or chapters of long fics.

14: Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

No. I try to stay out of drama and I tend to run from fights. Confrontation is challenging for me, even online.... hell, even friendly confrontation is nerve-wracking. Though I do my best, in that case. Life is too short, and we all have better ways of spending our time.

15: How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

Fastest way to get me to NOT repost something. Every once in a very long while I might reblog one, but it’s despite the enjoinder, not because of it.

16: Do you like tag games?

YES. I love tag games. Sometimes I’m bad about doing them in a timely fashion, but I love them.

17: Do you like ask games?

Also yes. Though I’m not great about sending them, I love reading about people’s OCs... and other people!

18.Do you have a crush on a mutual?

I definitely have platonic crushes. I love all of my mutuals and followers, and I’m grateful to have you all around. 🤗💖

I think I’m late to this so... tagging anyone who wants to! (and tag me so I can read your responses!)

[lostinfantasies38]

Ten Favorite Dialogues from 2020

I picked 10 dialogue exchanges that I loved from the stories I posted this year. A few of them are from the same stories, since I spent a good chunk of the year working on long fics instead of one shots or shorter stories. Under the cut bc they are lengthy.

I also realized that most of my zingers tend to be in my descriptions and don’t always make it into my character’s dialogue. I might have to change that. 

In no particular order:

1.

Dorian chuckled. “Honestly, you two are disgraceful. You can’t come to a club looking like sex on legs when you aren’t single. You’re going to give people a heart attack.”

“Jealous, Dorian?” Alistair needled.

“Insanely,” he replied smoothly. “Aside from myself and Zevran,”—he saluted the elf who shot him a saucy wink—“you’re the most attractive men here. And to add insult to injury, you’re together,” he sighed dramatically.

Accidental Alliance, a oneshot modern Cullistair AU 

2. 

“Step two of the pie liberation was to avoid suspicion of the adults.” Evan giggled at Connor’s phrasing and thought he heard Alex snort in amusement, too. “Zoe’s job was to act as a distraction, which wasn’t hard to accomplish because Cynthia decked her out in this frilly monstrosity that every woman within a five-mile radius oohed and aahed over. She fucking hated it, of course, but it worked in our favor for The Plan. And yes, those are honest to God capitals, babe. Think Mission Impossible: Thanksgiving 2010.”

“Alternate title: Pie Larceny,” Evan quipped, overjoyed by Connor’s rich laughter. Alex definitely chuckled at that.

“Yes! Oh my God, that’s amazing. I’m totally renaming it Pie Larceny.”

Save Me From Myself - part 3 of my DEH series, Connor Murphy/Evan Hansen

3.

“It makes me want to wrap you in blankets and bubble wrap and smother you with attention until you’re sick of looking at me, though.”

A broken laugh tumbled out of Evan’s mouth. “Well, there’s a mental picture. What are you gonna do? Roll me down the street?”

“I’m working out the logistics, but rolling you around does sound kinda fun,” Connor teased.

Snorting, Evan retorted, “I mean, you do have practice rolling joints. Guess a bundled up boyfriend isn’t much difference.”

Connor’s borderline hysterical laughter almost drowned out Evan’s airy chuckles. “Jesus Christ, Evan,” he wheezed, shakily wiping away tears. 

Save Me From Myself - part 3 of my DEH series, Connor Murphy/Evan Hansen 

4.

Returning his head to the shadows, he hissed, “Sister Agnes is milling around. I need a distraction so I can reach our room.”

Kai grinned and pulled a dehydrated pepper from his pocket. “Down the hatch.”

Gavin stopped him with a concern expression. “Are you sure about this?”

He snorted softly. “Please, I grew up eating these. My mum sends them because she knows I love them. They’re like candy. I’ll be shitting fire for a week, but they don’t hurt my mouth. I’ll burn hot and sweat like crazy though. Trust me, it’ll work.”

The redhead arched an eyebrow. “So you carry them in your pocket at all times?”

“No,” Kai answered irritably. “That’s why I needed Easton earlier. To act as a distraction for me so I could get it out of my room.”

Gavin sighed. “If you’re sure. I mean, we could brawl in the hallway, that would work, too.”

Alistair glanced around the corner. “Hurry up and choose. I’m not waiting forever.” Kai smirked and popped the pepper in his mouth.

“Well, that decides it,” Gavin groaned. Alistair tried not to laugh as over the course of a few minutes, Kai’s face visibly flushed in response to the spicy heat and sweat pooled under his hair, running in rivulets across his face.

“How do I look?” he asked.

“Like you’ve got the sweat,” Gavin replied sardonically.

“Perfect,” he retorted. “Right, good luck, Alistair. If I fail to distract everyone, Gavin’s got you covered.”

Find Me Well Within Your Grace - young Cullistair prequel fic - excerpt from Ch 11 featuring a few of my OCs and Alistair 

5.

Wrapping his arms around her as she hummed at the stove, he said, “Sirra and Alistair either just left my apartment or she only now deigned to tell me they’re gone.”

Eowyn grinned wickedly at him, checking the clock on the dining room wall. “My, my! Four hours later! Scandalous.”

“I wish you could have seen them. The magnetism! It was instant.”

She giggled. “I saw the photos. That’s more of Alistair’s almost-O face than I ever want to see again, thanks very much.”

He snorted. “Fair enough.” After a pause, Zevran chuckled, “I give them a month.”

Rounding on him in horror, Eowyn stared at him with wide mossy eyes. “You just said they were perfect together! Do you think we made a mistake?”

“No, amore mio. I mean, I give them a month before they elope. I might have been party to their engagement shoot today.”

She blinked slowly as the giggles built until she was clutching the kitchen counter in a fit of uncontrolled mirth. “Okay, that may be accurate knowing Alistair!”

“I’m thinking of changing my business cards. Should I add ‘Matchmaker Extraordinaire’ or ‘Signor Soulmate’?” he asked cheekily.

Shot In The Dark - Sirra Brosca/Alistair modern AU oneshot [dialogue shown is between Zevran/OC]

6.

Cullen grinned with him. “Me either. Maybe we can improve your chess skills enough for you to graduate from mediocre.”

“Oh, ha ha. You and the others can have fun with that, thanks very much. Here I was hoping we could spend more time in bed,” he teased, sliding a hand into his curls.

Rolling his eyes playfully, the blonde retorted, “Of course, count on you to think how often we can sleep together instead of improving our skills.”

“That is how we improve our skills.”

“Training skills, you fiend.”

Heaving a melodramatic sigh, Alistair quipped, “Well, one of us has to be the boring one in the relationship. Glad it’s not me.” Cullen elbowed him gently in the ribs, chuckling along with his lover’s bright laughter.

Find Me Well Within Your Grace - young Cullistair prequel fic, excerpt from Ch 12 

7.

“You’re not worthless,” Alistair whispered. The breath she’d been holding passed her lips with a tiny mewl of surprise. Still unable to look at one other, Alistair kept his hand on her wrist and she resisted the urge to scoot further away.

Sirra murmured, “You don’t know me, Alistair. You can’t say that.”

“I can,” he insisted firmly, his fingers pressing just a bit harder on her flesh. “It doesn’t matter who you were. When you join the Grey Wardens, all that matters is who you are. I may not know who you used to be in Orzammar, but I have a pretty good idea who you are in the sun.”

Sun Touched - excerpt from Ch 4

8.

“I’m sorry, Alistair, I wanted to surprise you. Most dwarves in Orzammar, caste and casteless alike, have genital piercings. It’s cultural and unrelated to murder.”

His eyebrows climbed into his hair. “Even the men? How in the Maker’s name does that work?” Sirra opened her mouth to explain, but he hastily held up a hand and shivered. “Rhetorical question. Please do not answer that.”  

Sun Touched - excerpt from Ch 14

9.

“I love you, too,” she murmured, gracing him with a watery smile. “If I had known you were up here, I would have left Orzammar years ago and tracked you down,” Sirra mused, only half joking. 

“Oh, really?” he quirked an eyebrow in amusement. “I can just imagine you sneaking into the droll monastery and breaking me out. I would have assumed you were a figment of my imagination, a desire demon, or Maker-sent. Regardless, I doubt I could have resisted the mischievous glint in your eyes as you crept in to find me in my smalls, surrounded by thirty other recruits, and told me to run away with you.” 

Laughing, Sirra raked her short nails down his toned chest. “A naked teenage version of you? I would have taken you on the spot, letting the recruits feast their eyes on us, before dashing out the front door with your bare ass in tow.” 

He closed his eyes with a lusty moan, and swallowed hard, his voice strained when he replied. “Definitely Maker-sent then. To think, we could have been on the lam for the last few years, making mad love wherever we went.” 

Sighing melodramatically, Alistair smirked and playfully bopped the tip of her nose with his. “Ah, well, at least I have you now and that’s all that matters.”

Sun Touched - excerpt from Ch 17

10.

“Stop it,” Morrigan mumbled irritably.

Alistair feigned innocence. “Stop what? I’m sitting here like a good patient. I wasn’t even talking until right now.”

Yellow eyes bored into hazel as the subtle light faded around them, his shoulder apparently healed. “You know very well what. Stop staring at my hands. ‘Tis most distracting.”

“And here I thought it was my hands distracting you during the fight,” he smirked. “Not where my eyes happened to land. How could you have known that I might have been paying attention, if you weren’t observing me, too, hmm?”

Scoffing, Morrigan took a large step back and crossed her arms haughtily over her chest. “You are insufferable.”

Sheathing his sword, Alistair shrugged with affected boredom. “I may be insufferable, Morrigan, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong. Deny it all you want, but we both know the truth.” 

Snagging his shield from where it fell on the ground, he slung it over his back and murmured for her ears alone. “Besides, for a cranky witch who grew up in a swamp, they’re surprisingly soft and gentle… when they want to be, that is.” 

You Give Me That Lovin’ Feelin’ - ch 2. Part 1 of 3 of Morristair written for @scharoux 14 Days of DA Lovers 

[rustybutterknife]

Trans Beetlejuice headcannons!!

So. Beetlejuice is a trans man.

He’s fully transitioned (socially, legally, medically, as in both hormones and top and bottom surgery)

Literally the only person who know his deadname is Juno

So Juno calling him Lawrence was,,, “holy fuck, she’s actually using the right name…”

He chose his first name because it sounded more like a name that nobody would choose themselves.

So he would be more likely to pass

His chose good ol Beetlejuice off of the star

(Except he can't spell, so… phonetic spelling.)

He likes his suit and being a stinky rat man because it makes him feel more masculine!

It took him awhile to come out to the household, but when he did, Lydia was the first one to know since she’s also trans.

He felt like he could trust her more

It came out while they were talking about LGBT stuff and the topic of being trans came up.

“Hey, what if I were to tell you that I’m trans?”

“Then I’d be excited because hey, finally, someone who gets the whole being trans thing!”

“...”

“Wait, actually?”

Lydia starts asking him questions about surgery and the whole process and what to expect because she wants to be prepared for it when the time comes

They’re trans mlm/wlw solidarity

The Maitlands were next to know

Lydia helped him out since he was so nervous

It came out really fast and in a jumble of words

It took them a second to realize what he said and why his hair was white and yellow streaked

It really came as a shock to them since he passed so well

They hugged him and told him they loved him and praised him since it’s hard to come out to people

Delia and Charles are the last to know.

He accidentally outs himself by taking his shirt off at the beach during a family outing and showing off his top surgery scars

All 6 of them take a moment before realizing “oh shit-“

Delia tries to distract from the fact that Beetlejuice just absentmindedly exposed himself

Charles simply asks why he has scars and Beetlejuice responds with “I uh… got into a fight with a Juno.”

“Oh, okay. Cause those looks like top surgery scars, and I didn’t want to assume-“

“They are, Chuck.”

“Oh…”

Whenever he does his shot, he always makes some sort of pun to calm his nerves.

Because he may be a demon from hell

But he’s absolutely terrified of needles

He calls it “himbo juice”

Everyone in the household hates it

(Stolen from my good friend @[put the boy’s url here]) he wears more layers to feel confident!

He also paints his nails black because it helps out with dysphoria surprisingly, but also it’s calming!

He can’t tie a tie (because he didn’t exactly have anyone to teach him)

so he had someone tie his tie for him once in like 1863 or some shit and he hasn’t untied it since

Until later when Delia decides to clean his entire suit (wash and stitch it up)

And she undoes the tie

Beetlejuice spends a good 20 minutes trying to figure out how to tie it again before having a meltdown because “what man doesn’t know how to tie a tie? That’s like man stuff 101!” (No this isn’t me projecting, what?)

He’s biting at his arms and pulling his hair in frustration and dysphoria and the Maitlands have to calm him down

Adam eventually teaches him different ways to tie his tie

Beetlejuice is just in awe because “there’s so many fuckin ways…”

Adam’s just a library for random useful information

HE’S SO SELF CONSCIOUS OF BEING FEMININE

That’s why it was a fight to get him to dress as Dr. Frank N Furter from Rocky Horror for Halloween

Adam and Barbra were going as Janet and Brad, and wanted BJ to join in on the couple’s costume and make it a throuple’s costume

He was scared that the makeup would make him look like a girl or that his top surgery scars would show in the corset

Of course they don’t and when Lydia shows him his makeup for the costume (she made it more sexy because she can’t bring herself to give him sharpie brows or a crappy Smokey eye) he’s just kinda like “Damn… I look good! Yeah!”

He goes out trick or treating with Lydia (she’s Wednesday Adams) while Adam and Barbra pass out candy at home under ghost sheets!

That’s not trans really related but it’s still a good headcanon

Can and WILL protect all trans people

Yes, including non-binary peeps

Lydia got him mini pride flag pins that he uses as cufflinks

Bi on one side and trans on the other!

On bad dysphoria days, Barbra and Adam will shower him with praise and affirming language (“handsome man!” “Lover boy!”)

Lydia will sing duets with him and always lets him be the guy

On good euphoric days (or days they just feel like cringing), they’ll share old photos of themselves pre-transition

In one of his least disliked ones, he looks about 7 or 8 in human years, sitting next to a river with a purposefully torn up and scruffy dress and shaggy hair that looks like he attempted to cut himself, holding a frog and beaming. The roots of his hair are brown, but the rest is green. Or at least you can assume, since the photo isn’t in color.

Has been passing for years but still gets hit with the same bubbly feeling whenever anyone calls him “sir,” “mister,” or a “gentleman”

So Charles and Adam calling him “Mr. Juice” and “Mr. Beetlejuice, sir?”

Fuck yeah. Trans rights.

[j-j-ehlby-writes]

Meet Me at the Chalet || bonus.

Eventual pairing: Tom Hiddleston x OFC (Jenessee Borosi)

Word count: ~3.4k

Summary (I suck at these): Jenessee goes on a solo vacation after the release of her first novel. She got a little more than she bargained for when she gets snowed in with her biggest celebrity crush.

Warnings: Fluff but what’s new?

A/N: Because I have slight OCD, I decided to write just one more chapter so this series can be an even 10 parts. Now I can put this story to rest at last. Thank you for reading this series. It means more to me than any words could say.

night one. || day one. || day two. || day three. || day four. || day five. || day six. || last day. || one year later. || epilogue. || bonus. ||

three years later…

Light buzzing of the airplane’s engines fill the air as it flies us through the air to an unknown destination. My wonderful man has refused to tell me where we are currently flying to, ever the lover of surprising me.

The last five years have been the hardest but most rewarding of my life. After my relationship with Tom became public, my life changed overnight. Suddenly, everyone wanted to know who I was, where I came from, and everything that was happening in my life. My followers and book sales skyrocketed after the Late Late show which thrilled my publicist to no end. Every media outlet wanted to interview me and do a story of “the woman who snatched one of Hollywood’s most eligible bachelors.” I had interview after interview having to repeat our love story countless times for everyone who asked. It grew tiring but I was also exhilarated. I finally got the opportunity to boast about how amazing Tom truly was. The fans got a glance at the man behind the mask, so to speak.

Wherever I went, people would follow me and want to take pictures and ask me questions about Tom. At first it was overwhelming. There were a lot of difficult days following. Especially when I read the negative comments and reactions. I knew there would be and I tried to brace myself for the worst possible thing anyone could say about me but nothing could have prepared me for the real thing. Faceless people calling me a gold-digger among other comments on my appearance, saying I’m using Tom for fame and how we made up the story for publicity claiming that since I’m a writer I could “spin anything to make it sell.” It seemed to be never-ending. Every time I tried to focus on the positive, supportive people one of the negatives would pop up and ruin any sense of confidence I had built.

Tom would try and distract me from it as best as he could, but when he wasn’t physically there with me, nothing could shake the depression it would send me into.

After a few months, I had had enough. I disabled the comments on my Instagram posts and turned off all notifications for all social media. I no longer wanted the negativity to take over my life as it had.  It was also having an adverse effect on my relationship. That was our first hurdle that we faced together. He didn’t want to tell me what to do, knowing I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself no matter how much he wanted to protect me, but he finally drew the line. He made a statement on his social media, telling the fans he loves so much to stop with the outrageously false comments, to consider my feelings and how their words affect me when they start typing, and that if they weren’t going to be supportive of the woman he is choosing to spend his life with then they are not true fans of his. Following his statement was when I disabled everything. From that moment on, our relationship went back to how it was before we went public.

A pair of lips awoke me from my daydreaming. “How’s our littlest flier?” Tom’s baritone whisper invaded my ears but not disturbing the smallest passenger on the private plane.

I glance down at the sleeping 7 month old with my dark hair and Tom’s curls. “He’s sleeping like a champ as usual.”

He smiles proudly as he sits next to me, reaching for my hand. He plays with the rings that adorn my ring finger that he gave me 2 1/2 years and 1 1/2 years ago. “And how’s my beautiful wife?”

Memories of those two magnificent days always bring me the greatest joy.

Seeing him slowly go down on his knee in front of the fireplace at the Chalet, him declaring his “everlasting love” and how much his life has felt “more fulfilled since meeting me at the chalet,” how big of a surprise I’ve been to him, how much he’s loved every minute of our lives together, and how he couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with me. The pure love and joy he exhibited on his face the moment I said yes will forever be etched in my mind, making me fall in love with him that much more than I already was.

Hearing the words “I do” in the most confident manner with the biggest smile on his gorgeous features will also remain a constant memory of one of the best days of my life. The tan suit he wore, the stunning dress that I still love to this day, the warm sand under our bare feet, the sun setting behind us as our family and our closest friends watched us begin the next chapter in our lives.

A kiss to the back of my hand brought me back to the present, “She is confused as to where her husband is taking all of us.” I raise my eyebrow in question towards him eliciting a chuckle from his lips.

“You trust me, darling?”

“You know I do.”

He squeezes my hand in affirmation, “Then will you please believe me when I tell you that you will not be disappointed?” He places another kiss on the back of my hand, ending this discussion in the most gentlemanly way possible. Damn him.

I decide to trust him as I have since the day we met, resting my head on his shoulder, careful not to wake our most precious gift and catch some much needed sleep before we land in who-knows-where.

Upon the pilot’s message about our upcoming decent, I was instructed to put on a blindfold by my husband, adding to the surprise he has in store for us. I was hesitant, skeptical of being robbed of my site for the time being but I trusted him enough to know he wouldn’t let anything bad happen.

He took an anxious Bobby and our gray cat Sadie out as soon as the door to the plane was opened and put them in the awaiting car. Listening to him coo at our son who was undoubtedly upset about being removed from my lap melted my heart. I wish I could have seen it instead of just heard it.

“Alright, my darling, your turn.” He guided me down the steps of the plane into the chilly atmosphere before he gently placed me into a car. He hopped into the drivers seat and we began the second leg of our journey.

The drive was peaceful. He had soft music playing so it wouldn’t wake up the baby in the back and he probably thought I would want to sleep a little more, too. I happily accepted the heaviness again, taking full advantage of not having to fuss over my son.

I was awoken by his soft whispers, “you can take the blindfold off now, darling.” I sat up in my seat before untying it. In front of the car, I see a gate. Tom sticks his arm out the drivers side window, inserting a key into a keyhole effectively opening the gate. I look around and see the bright snow covering everything around. As he drives through the gate, I recognize the area immediately.

“When did the Chalet install a gate?” I ask Tom who has a shit-eating grin on his beautiful weathered face.

“Actually…” He trails off as we pull up to the Chalet and into a brand new garage built off to the side.

“Is this why it was under construction for so long?” I exit the vehicle, putting Bobby on his leash and grabbing Sadie’s carrier before rounding the car to the side Liam is on. Tom is already working to take his car seat out. Tom had told me right before we got married that the Chalet was under construction and would be for a few years. It broke my heart to know we couldn’t go there for our honeymoon, but where we did go was the most wonderful experience. Malaysia, Australia, and Bora Bora… the most fun and relaxing three months of my life. It was a God-send after the stress of planning a wedding and reception. We had a small ceremony with just us, our family, and our closest friends followed by a big reception a week later inviting everyone we know for a night of fun.

Tom ushered us up to the front door, unlocking the door with another key.

“When did Sal give you a key?” was my last question before we entered the building. My jaw dropped. 

Everything looked completely different. There no longer was a front desk, but a foyer with benches and cubbies for coat hooks like a mud room. It opened up to the grand living room that Tom and I have made many memories from sitting together while reading and writing to when we sat by the fireplace after my midnight breakdown the night before to when he proposed to me right in this very spot. 

The view of the mountain below still took my breath away even after all of this time and the many visits we’ve paid since that first time. As I took in the room I loved, I noticed the small details that weren’t there before. Pictures of us- me and Tom- from our first time here to our wedding day and our first family of three photos, solo pictures of Bobby, Sadie, and Liam I’ve taken over the course of the last few years. 

I also noticed a few pieces of furniture that weren’t here before. A papasan chair was placed in the corner just like our home in London had. It’s the best place to sleep when I have a headache and Liam loves sleeping with me in it. There’s a picture of one of those occurrences hanging above it as to remind me of the first few weeks he was born.

Tom appeared next to me, having Liam in one arm, he wrapped the other arm around my waist pulling me closer and whispered in my ear, “Welcome home, baby.”

“Wait, what?” I gasped as the realization hit me. I turned to meet his eyes, “You bought it?!”

“Sal was looking to retire and I said I’d take it off his hands. He gave me a great deal considering we were his favorites.” He kissed me tenderly before pulling back again. “I wanted this to be our home; a place we raise our family, make memories in. What better way to unveil the finished renovations by bringing us all and spending the holidays here?”

I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist, squealing in excitement. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I could call this place “home.” It’s always been a home away from home. Every time I would have to leave, I’d feel like I was leaving a piece of myself behind. But my wonderful, thoughtful husband made it happen. He made this place that holds a special place in both of our hearts into our dream home where we will raise our son and our future children, where we will start family traditions that will be passed down to our children when they have children of their own, a place where our families can come together for the holidays, birthdays, and vacations… a place to call home.

“Do you approve?” He purrs into my ear.

“Do I approve?” I ask incredulously. I pull back to face him, “This is one of the best surprises I could have ever asked for.” I place a quick kiss on his lips. “Thank you.” I turn my attention to our beautiful son who was wide awake now, “did Daddy buy us a new home?” My baby voice came out, “did he?” I took possession of him, kissing his scrumptious chubby cheeks repeatedly. Tom chuckled at how ridiculous I sound but he’s gotten used to it now. “We’re going to be so happy here.”

Tom brings us on a tour to show me all that was done to make it work for us as a family home. Two of the rooms were combined to give us the most incredible master suite I’ve ever seen, including a spa-like master bathroom and a see-through fireplace that connects the two.

Two of the other rooms were redone into bedrooms for Liam and a future child with closets and their own bathrooms. Two other rooms was changed into guest suites for family or friends who want to come stay with us.

But the most amazing surprise out of all of this was the last room was my dedicated writing space. A serene room including a desk, a bookcase that contained all of my books and my unfinished works, cups filled with my favorite kinds of pens, plenty of loose-leaf printer paper, other notebooks I’ve yet to use, anything I could possibly use or need. The real kicker was in what looks like a wardrobe was a Murphy bed. I had always said that my ideal office would include a Murphy bed because I do my best writing in bed. I spend most nights up until the wee hours of the morning writing and I didn’t want to keep my future partner awake with my habit. I couldn’t wait to get started.

The kitchen was converted into a beautiful chef’s kitchen with quartz counter tops with a gorgeous chevron backsplash, normal-sized stainless steel appliances, white cabinets and cupboards and a banquette that was build into the large island that could fit our growing family. It opened up to the living room and dining room now which made the space seem so much bigger than it already is.

I could picture Tom at the stove, making breakfast for us on Saturdays while I watch from either the island or on the couch in the living room. I could imagine both of our families flying around the room busying themselves with whatever dish they were in charge of for the holidays. I see Tom and I enjoying quiet midnight snacks while sitting on the island or on the floor and mid-day food fights like we had during our first encounter.

The gym was also revamped and the laundry room was scaled down to accommodate a family instead of a hotel. It was all so perfect. It felt like a dream, but it wasn’t a dream. It was our new reality.

As we start this new chapter in our lives in Colorado with our little family, I can’t believe how my life has turned out…

In six years, I went from a single, aspiring writer who just released her first book going on a solo vacation for solitude and inspiration to a best-selling novelist, the wife of one of England’s finest gentleman who also happened to be one of my biggest celebrity crushes, and the mother of his unbelievably adorable son.

Never in a million years would I have thought this was where my life would end up after being stuck with him in a beautiful secluded Chalet. Our time in seclusion would be the catalyst for the ride of a lifetime. Half a dozen years later with a painful, but eye-opening year separation, five more published books and book tours for me, five movies and long press tours for him, a long awaited wedding plus reception, and a beautiful baby boy later… here we are in the same Chalet we met converted into our dream home with our son, dog, and cat. Life couldn’t be better.

The holidays in our new home were better than I expected. Our moms fussed over Liam as much as they possibly could when they weren’t concerned with cooking for all of us. When they weren’t all over him, Tom’s sisters were. It gave us some much-needed alone time in our brand new master suite. To say we took full advantage of our built-in babysitters was an understatement.

Thanksgiving came and went far too quickly. Our moms stayed after wanting as much time watching Liam discover something new every day and spoil him as much as they can since neither of us live close to our families with his in England and mine in the states. Our busy schedules don’t allow for us to see them as often as we’d both like. But ever since Liam was born, we’ve both taken tons of time off- no movies, no press tours, no auditions, no publication meetings- and we’ve gotten the opportunity to see them more.

By Christmas though, Tom and I were ready for it to be over so we could go back to our normal. We love our moms, more so now that we have our own child, but they were beginning to become “smothers.” Thankfully by Christmas Eve, Tom’s sisters were back and they could focus on more than just us. That night we decorated the tree with ornaments from our respective childhoods and the ornaments we made to commemorate Liam’s first Christmas and our first as a family of three. We drank cider and eggnog around the fireplace as we watched the snow fall, sharing stories of our favorite memories and our most memorable present. Christmas morning was full of excitement with our nieces and nephews tearing open their presents and Liam wanting nothing to do with his. For dinner my mom’s famous Swedish meatballs were made and devoured by everyone. Our family’s Jell-O dessert with strawberry Jell-O with strawberries added, whipped cream and pretzels was a big hit with the whole family, even Liam had a small taste and he continued to suck on Tom’s finger trying to get every last morsel of flavor. It truly was a day of merriment.

The next day the chaos had ebbed. We finally got back to our quiet household with our routine. We spend New Years Eve watching the fireworks through the multi-story, floor-to-ceiling windows. A picture perfect site made for the best New Years I had ever had.

By the time we were leaving in mid-January because Tom was due on set for his first movie after the baby, we discovered our family was going to gain another member.

When the holidays came around again, our daughter Julia was the apple of everyone’s eye who met her, completing our already-perfect family. She has Tom’s ginger locks and her blue-turning-green eyes are like mine but so much more to die for. She has the sweetest temperament, just like her brother. I can tell already that they completely adore each other. I can’t wait to watch Liam be the protective big brother I always wanted growing up. With a father like Tom, I know he will be the best man- sensitive, caring, soft- everything I love about him. Julia will be the most headstrong and stubborn woman just like me. For now though I’m good with them staying my babies.

As I sit in the papasan chair in the corner with my sweetest little girl sleeping in one arm, I have a pen in the other hand. Words were flowing out of me as if a levee had just given way. Finally getting some peace and quiet after the busy holiday season, I’ve had time to come up with an idea for my next book.

“I see some things never change.” I look to see the love of my life standing where the doorway used to be, where he said those exact same words to me after our year separation. This time however, he was holding our son on his hip, matching smiles on both of them. My handsome boys.

I can’t hide the smile that seems to be a constant on my face nowadays, “But would you really want them to?”

His smile grows bigger as he makes his way over to me, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss on my lips. He pulls back a hair and whispers, “Never,” in the huskiest tone instantly reminding me of the God of Mischief. 

I can’t help but giggle like a schoolgirl when he talks like that. This man still gives me butterflies even after all these years. He still makes my heart race every time he looks at me or touches me. I still get goosebumps when he tells me he loves me, which is multiple times a day. I still love him- I’m still IN love with him- even more than I was yesterday but less than I will be tomorrow. I sigh in complete and utter contentment.

Meeting at this Chalet was the best decision we both could have ever made. The blizzard that stranded us here was the best thing in the world that could have happened to us. I can’t wait to see what the next chapter of our lives has in store for all four of us.

.

the end.

.

Taglist: @the-marvel-wars​ @elusive-beauty​ @drakesfiance​ @im-a-slut-for-an-accent​ @fantasy-is-my-reality​ @hiddlephile​

[kissofgallifrey]

An Audience with David Tennant

My eyes hurt like hell, but I promised you this over a week ago so it’s about time I finished going over it and post it.

(Skip to the second line-breaker (that’s its name?) if you want to go straight to the Audience with David Tennant, I just wrote the experience of the whole day. There are some bits of David before though)

Saturday saw the second and final day of the Adam Smith Festival of Ideas in Kirkcaldy, which ended brilliantly with a gala screening of You, Me and Him, as well as a sort-of-Q&A event with David Tennant, titled An Audience with David Tennant.

What could possibly go wrong?

I will start by saying there were some frustrations involved with that day. The festival was pretty awfully organised; it seemed the organisers themselves had no idea what was happening (we got some seriously conflicting info before and during the event); the no-photography rule was plain idiotic; and they clearly weren’t remotely prepared for the theatre to be full (for the record, full being just 400 people) or for people’s interest. Everything around the event was pretty frustrating as well – the theatre took forever to respond to emails or messages, and even calling them didn’t give a clear answer about, well, anything.

That being said, even though it badly organised, nobody knew what’s happening and the people who organised it clearly had no idea what was happening half the time, I did have a good time.

Since we’ve been told that David and the gang wouldn’t be walking the red carpet, we didn’t bother coming in to the theatre too early. Not much of an issue, since David, Georgia and Daisy were a bit late and nothing happened for the first twenty-five minutes or so anyway (except for Tenny who walked the red carpet!), but still. Georgia and Daisy really just walked through, and they seemed surprised when someone asked for their autograph or for a photo. It was really sweet – and made me want to grab both of them and say, “Yes, David and David and David, but we care about you, too, and we want to talk to you and hear from you. This is YOUR film, and you’ve both said such beautiful things about it already – what makes you think people don’t care about you?” With their modesty, it probably wouldn’t have mattered, but sometimes I feel like we do need to let them know that.

For David it was a bit more complicated. It took him about ten minutes to do a 1.5 metres (2m tops) red carpet because he was the same beautiful sweetheart he always is, and he literally stopped for every single person. He signed pretty much anything, from Doctor Who stuff to a Postman Pat DVD (“That’s a blast from the past!” He said with a grin as he did), he took photos with everyone, he stopped to chat and joke at some points. Really, it was the sort of moments that make you look at him and think, “You know, this man is too good for this world.”

He is, but never mind that.

After David finally managed to make it through the crowd (don’t believe the papers, everything was civil and actually a hell of a lot calmer than I’ve seen at the Stage Door), still very calm and smiley and sweet, they all headed down to what I’m assuming is a press room or something like that. We all headed up to the theatre.

They did a short introduction, which I’m not gonna say anything about because there’s a video online already, you can see it here, and then we watched the film. We have been told there will be a Q&A with Georgia after the film, but (there’s a shocker) the theatre apparently got it wrong again, because there was nothing.

Then it was time for the Audience with David Tennant.

In accordance with the running theme of the day, the panel did start later than intended, but I suppose that’s only natural in events like this. Georgia and Daisy sat in the audience (sneaking in…), and then the organisers gave a little speech and called David and Arabella Weir up onstage. You can see a (not too good) video of their entrance here.

It was utterly adorable and I think pretty much everybody in the audience melted when they saw it.

David and Arabella both took their seats and the celebration began.

Arabella opened by joking that she’s going to talk about herself the whole evening and David’s not going to say a word, at which point he nodded (silently and obediently). David, you goofy adorable boy <3

Anyway, the original plan was to have Arabella ask David her own questions, but then they asked the fans to send them questions, and apparently someone thought it’d be a better idea to change it entirely. So instead of several questions from fans, the whole thing turned into a version of a convention Q&A.

The first question was why David chose Kirkcaldy and the Adam Smith Theatre for this, to which David’s response was, “I didn’t choose it! None of this was me!” He continued to say that it’s been a while since he’s been to the Adam Smith Theatre – 27 years, to be precise (“which is amazing, cos I’m only 29 years old”). He was doing a play with 7:84 (he wasn’t entirely sure which one it was, he thought it was The Resistible Rise of Arturo Ui), and as they toured in Scotland, they made it to the Adam Smith Theatre for a performance (possibly two, he wasn’t sure).

As David tried to remember the name of the play they did here, someone in the audience (who can say her name herself if she wants to), said the name, and apparently she wasn’t very well heard onstage at first, because David went, “Someone is making noises! Sort of squeaky!” and started sort of looking for the source. Eventually it was found, and when David asked if she was here and watched it she said that she wasn’t, because she wasn’t really born yet… at which point David went, “Thanks!” Once the laughter subsided, he explained (in case anybody missed it) that “this was a voice in the dark telling me they weren’t born 27 years ago…” and added, “Neither was I!”

Arabella then explained that David didn’t choose the Adam Smith Theatre, she asked him to come. David (sweet as always) said that he’s thrilled to return. <3

The next question was what the difference is between working on a TV show in the UK versus in the US. The woman who sent it also had another question, which Arabella said she won’t read, and David went, “I want to hear the other question and I’ll choose.” Arabella said the other question just isn’t interesting, and David immediately turned to the audience and said, “Sorry”, and continued to ask if the woman was in the audience (and thanked her for the question). Is that sweet or what?

In answer to the question, David said it’s pretty much the same (“different accents”, which had everyone laughing), except that they work longer hours in the States (and get paid for working longer hours, since they still have the unions that work very hard to protect their rights and all), there are slightly different rules… it’s very much the same thing, trying to tell a story the best you can… “They have better snacks!” David cut himself off then, finding a new interesting thing. “The Americans are really good with snacks.”

David went on to talk about how in the States they’ve got craft service – which is a whole other department that only focuses on the food. In the UK, he said, if it’s a big production you might get some biscuits, but in the States they’ve got snacks coming through the entire day. “That’s the main difference,” He concluded, to much laughter.

The next question was what the best and worst things about being famous are. David looked at Arabella and went, “I don’t know… you tell me”, and she said that – obviously nobody wants to hear her answer and everyone want his – but the best is that people give you things, and the worst is that they expect things from you that they probably wouldn’t have if they didn’t know you from the telly. David agreed that it’s a very good answer.

David continued to add that it’s an odd thing, when so many people know you and you don’t know them, and it takes some getting used to. “I remember,” He said, “Before I was in that position, you would sort of imagine that was quite an empowering place to be, it felt like something that would give you sort of strength and confidence… and then actually, it’s quite… Like if you walk into a room, and people go, ‘Don’t look round, but there he is’ and they think you don’t notice that – it actually doesn’t give you confidence, it makes you feel rather insecure. It does me, anyway.”

He hurried to add that he’s not complaining, and he’s very humbled by the fact he was able to be a part of telling those stories that brought him into this place, but it does take getting used to. “I’m not gonna tell you how difficult it is, because it’s not, it’s lovely,” He concluded, “But there’s a sort of insecurity in it as well. It can undermine your own sense of self. You just have to be sure of yourself and maybe re-examine who you are and just make sure you know who you are so that it doesn’t send you to the slightly mad place.”

The next two questions were from someone’s kids (at which point David dwell for a moment on her name… it’s very easy to distract him, apparently), the first of which was, who his favourite Disney princess is. As always, David said it feels wrong to choose, but the one he’s spending the most time with currently is Moana, and she’s got some pretty great songs… so he’ll go with Moana.

The second question was when the last time he had diarrhoea was (I swear to god that was the question). David’s face was absolutely indescribably funny. He thought about it and then went, “I want to make sure I give her an accurate answer. I think if someone takes the time to think of a question like that they deserve a factual response.” XD

Eventually, after some thinking, he said he thinks it’s been a few months, but when he was away recently he had the opposite problem, which does happen occasionally when you’re in a different country. But don’t worry, everything is fine now. “Stop me at any time now,” He added, turning to Arabella.

The next question was from a history student, who wanted to know if David could play any historical character, which character it would be. David’s immediate response was, “Did you miss my Richard II?” Which got everyone laughing. He then continued to say that he doesn’t quite know, really. He gave it a moment’s thought, then said that he does have an idea, but it’s very dark, and despite our encouragement he refused to say who it was. :(

He then said that when you’re looking at historical characters, you’re looking for someone who’s done important things, but who was also flawed, because that’s the interesting sort of characters. He said that for instance, he wouldn’t want to play Henry V… except maybe in Henry IV, where he’s trying to find himself and doesn’t really know what he wants. “But I’m too old for that now,” He finished.

Someone from the audience yelled out, “Lady Macbeth!” which got David thinking a bit. He said it’s not exactly a historical character… there is some debate but… yeah, sure, he’ll go with that.

The next question was (the quite common) what’s the weirdest thing anyone had him sign. David went, “Oooh… I’ve signed some stuff,” In a slightly dark tone that had everyone laughing. He said that body parts are pretty weird – there’s a growing trend of people asking you to sign their bodies and then tattooing over it, which he’s done quite a few of. Arabella then asked if he agreed to do that, because she probably wouldn’t, and David went, “Oh, I’d do virtually anything.” ;)

He added that these things do make him a bit worried, because you sign with a sharpie and then people are going over it with a needle… that has got to lead to some sort of a blood poisoning! “But it hasn’t stopped me,” He finished, again making everyone laugh.

Someone asked what the most valuable piece of advice David has ever received as an actor. David thought… and then someone from the audience yelled, “Don’t do Nativity!” David’s expression turned into a living :O emoji (I swear) for at least thirty seconds straight (god that man and his expressions), and eventually he went, “How dare you? It’s the only thing my children think I’m any good in!”

David thought for a long moment before concluding that he doesn’t know and changing the direction of the question – to the acting advice he gives (“Can I turn the question to that?”). He said that people often ask for advice, “In the hope you have some clue… I don’t have a single clue about how to get into it”, but his advice is: be nice, be on time and learn your lines, which you would think is basic, but apparently not.

Arabella said that the best advice she received was that you’ll only know you’re an actor when you’re out of work. She didn’t understand it at the time, but when you’re out of work and you sort of keep pushing onwards, and you keep trying to do it, because you really believe you can do it – then it will come true.

The next question was what class at drama school he hated at the time, but has since found to be useful. David thought about it and then said that there are a lot of things they don’t teach at drama school and they should – like being unemployed, dealing with rejection and doing your taxes (pretty useful). “They should focus more on that because that does take up a lot of an actor’s life, I’d say,” He said.

He continued to think about the question and said that there are a lot of pretty useless movement classes, and pretending to be a sheet of aluminium (I swear he said that), “Which isn’t something I’ve relied on since”. But if you think that stopped him from enjoying, think again.

“The thing is,” He said, “I was pathetically keen at drama school. I don’t apologise for that, because I was very delighted to be there, I went in straight from school, I didn’t even do sixth year, so I was very young and very green, naïve, and quite immature, probably, at the time. So there wasn’t anything about it I didn’t like. I just thought it was all brilliant, because I got to do all day this thing that I’ve been dreaming of doing, I didn’t have to do maths anymore.” (cue laughter) “So there wasn’t anything that I regretted learning at the time, I was sort of drinking it all in.”

But looking back, he thinks it’s all probably been useful on some level… maybe apart from the sheet of aluminium. And some of the gavotte classes… at which point he gave us a little demonstration. “You see,” He added, “It all becomes useful!”

At this point someone from the audience called out, “Do your sheet of aluminium!” David explained that in fact, that was a group exercise in a visiting lecture… “Should I say her name?” He wondered. Despite our encouragement, he decided not to. “She’s dead now,” He said, to much laughter. “No, I mean, she’s actually dead now.” The response to that was, of course, a general “aww”… at which point he said, “You don’t know who she is, you don’t care!” (cue more laughter)

Anyway, she did these masterclasses – which were all about shaming them about how bad they were in their movement classes, really – and after they failed at yet another thing, the whole sheet of aluminium thing came up. “Drama school’s a funny place,” He concluded. “But it’s a sort of safe place, I suppose. It’s a safe place to try out some quite weird, creative ideas.”

David then said: “I think any kind of creative course has… you have to be allowed to go some quite weird places, to see what kind of fires your synapses, particularly what makes you as a creative person kind of buzz.”

He added that he was lucky because he was very young and not cynical at the time, so he got the best of it. Arabella said then that she taught him cynicism, at which David said, “It’s true. I went to London and Arabella spoiled me, she broke me.” (cue more laughter)

He concluded that that’s how art is, and that’s how art teaching should be – a bit crazy and a bit odd – because that’s what makes people think in ways they wouldn’t have thought of. And that’s why the arts is an important part of education – any education and should be supported.

The following question was a bit emotional – how he felt reading the script for his final episode of Doctor Who and seeing his last line was “I don’t want to go.” :(

“I had a little cry,” David admitted. He said that working on Doctor Who has been a wonderful experience, because it was such a great character, and the scripts were always so brilliant, and saying goodbye to that was very bitter-sweet. And then to be given that final line is very emotional. “I didn’t see it coming,” He said, “But then you sort of think, ‘how could it have been anything else?’”

David was also asked if there was a biographical film of his life, who would portray him? He said that he thinks Nicholas Lyndhurst.

The next question was whether he has a favourite character. Someone from the audience said Davina, and David went, “Oh, that’s old school.” David and Arabella then explained (for anyone who doesn’t know) it’s the transsexual barmaid he played in Rab C. Nesbitt. David then gave his usual response on that: he tries not to choose favourites (of anything, really), because he does change his mind pretty often, and he really kind of feels connected to the last thing he did – that’s what feels special. Since they just did the screening of You, Me and Him, he’s thinking of John at the moment, but it’s really not something that sticks, he doesn’t have one favourite for long.

Following that was another repeating question: what the differences are between stage and screen acting, and which one he prefers. David said he likes the variety and he likes being able to do both – he wouldn’t have given up on either. In terms of differences, the rhythms are very different – in a play you have three hours of intense stuff, whereas in filming there are long days where you do small bits of acting and mainly just “waiting around and drinking tea… and in America, snacks!” So in terms of rhythm, they’re quite different, but screen and stage are very similar, really. “They’re both just an opportunity to pretend to be somebody else,” He concluded, “And convince yourself that that means everything in the world in that moment. It’s all just sort of tricking your brain… thinking yourself into a state of being.”

The next question wasn’t quite phrased right: which three party David would have in his perfect dinner party. Arabella said, “Me”, and David immediately said, “Arabella, my wife Georgia, and Daisy.” (cue “awwww”)

Having gotten that out of the way, they asked whether the person who asked it meant what people from history they’d like to have (important clarification), which was indeed what they meant (“Yes.” “Yes.” “Yes.” “Yes.”). David said he imagines most people who’ve done things in history were probably annoying, but it would’ve been nice to know if they were… like Shakespeare – it would’ve been interesting to know how well-adjusted and what kind of a person Shakespeare was, outside his writing.

Arabella said she’d have liked to have Hitler at a dinner party, because it seems fascinating to talk to someone with that sort of mind set, and David agreed it probably would be, but stated that he’s not sure how much fun that dinner party would be. But as Arabella said, the question didn’t state it had to be fun…

David added that he thinks it would be interesting to meet any person who’s sort of “a moment in history” and see the humanity within them. He also mentioned that he’s both fascinated and bewildered by Donald Trump (gotta agree there).

Next, David was asked whether he’d like a part in Two Doors Down, which he immediately said (somewhat sadly), “It’s not gonna come… I’m still waiting.” He said he’d love to, and it’s a great show.

Arabella then said that one of the writers of it was on a show with David – Terri McIntyre – Classy Bitch (I could listen to David say it all day long; he just had that sort of… like he was doing a movie trailer or something). Arabella said it was funny but it only ever aired on BBC Scotland, and David corrected that it only ever aired on BBC Choice. “I think it was watched by four people,” He said, to much laughter.

Following that was a question about foreign languages: what it’s like to learn lines in a foreign language? David asked the person who asked it (who made a very odd sound as soon as her name was mentioned) whether she was thinking about anything in particular, and she said she was asking generally. He replied that it’s not something he had to do often, but he did do it for The Quatermass Experiment, which they did live on the BBC, and for that he needed to learn a couple of lines in German. He doesn’t know any German – according to him he wasn’t great at French in school either – so he had to learn it phonetically. He didn’t really know what he was saying – he knew the meaning, but he was just repeating it phonetically.

Of course, he was very calm about it… just thinking, “You’re about to have to speak German, which you don’t understand, live on British television. You’re going to get this wrong.” Very David, isn’t it?

He continued to talk about how that moment feels to him. He said it happened to him doing plays, too, and usually quite far into the run of them. “Your brain starts playing tricks on you,” He said. “You’ve done it, I don’t know, seventy-five times, and your brain starts going, ‘No… you’re gonna get it wrong tonight. Those lines that you said seventy-five times? You’re about to forget them. This is all going to go wrong.’ And this is happening while the play is going on, and you’re sort of on an autopilot, and inside your head is this little voice that’s just getting louder and louder … it creeps out the back of your head and you’re just trying to keep yourself calm, but at the same time, while you’re doing the play, you’re composing the speech you’re about to have to make to the audience, where you kinda go, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, I’m terribly sorry, I completely forgot what comes next, this is the end of my career, thank you for witnessing it, I’m going to go offstage and you will never see me again.’”

So during the live performance of The Quatermass Experiment, as his bit of German was coming up, he found himself thinking exactly that, except, not only he’s gonna have to do it in front of a theatre full of people – he’s going to have to do it on live telly in front of the entire nation! “Anyway, it didn’t happen, so…” He concluded happily, making everyone laugh.

The following question was (seriously *rolls eyes*) whether it was awkward to “work with your wife as your daughter”. Arabella immediately said that she wasn’t his wife when she played Jenny (they only just met on the set! Come on, people), and David seemed sort of baffled for a moment before going (in that sort of exasperated-patient-“are you listening to what you’re saying” tone), “I was playing a Time Lord. I was nine hundred and something years old and yet I didn’t look a day over thirty. That’s the conceit of the show.” Then, since Georgia was in the room, he turned to look at where she was sitting and asked, “Would you like to comment on that, wife/daughter?”

Once the laughter subsided, he continued to say that they had a lovely time. “She wasn’t my wife then,” He continued, returning to the earlier tone, “She was just my pretend daughter. And it’s not weird, because I was a Time Lord. And… it all worked out. She’s a little bit younger than me. She’s not that much younger than me. It’s not weird.”

And continuing with another question that probably shouldn’t have been asked, someone from the Fife Cultural Trust (which is probably the reason it was asked) asked what DC/Marvel character David would like to play. David went, “Have you not seen Jessica Jones?”

The next question was whether there’s a role David auditioned for and didn’t get that he think he should’ve. David immediately went, “All of them!” Once the laughter subsided, he added, “It’s just that other people didn’t agree with me.”

Turning serious, he said that he can’t think of something specific. He said that you just sort of go into an audition hoping for the best. On the one level, he said, you think it’s definitely yours, but on another you don’t think you’re worthy of anything. “But maybe that’s just me.” (cue “awwww”)

Someone from the audience mentioned that David said Georgia was auditioning other men (for the role of John, which isn’t technically true, because he didn’t say they auditioned, but never mind). David went, “Yeah, my wife’s always auditioning other men.” When the laughter quieted down, he looked at the direction of Georgia and said, “And that’s an ongoing thing? I’m discovering something now!”

Once the laughter stopped, Arabella cleared that the person talking was referring to what he said about them trying other actors for the role of John in You, Me and Him. David said that he doesn’t think they actually auditioned anyone else – “It wasn’t an audition as much as trying anybody else who wasn’t me.”

The next question, from another person in Kirkcaldy (to which David enthusiastically said, “Home crowd! Home crowd!”), was whether he got to keep anything from Doctor Who after leaving. David said that he was given a wooden box that was made by the prop man, which had an indentation for the sonic screwdriver and the psychic paper, and a couple other things. It was really beautiful, and from the way David talked about it, I imagine quite touching.

Another question was which of his roles has given him the greatest life lesson. David thought for a while, saying that it’s a very good question and this is pretty hard to know. Someone yelled out “Don Juan”, and David went, “I don’t know what the life lesson was in Don Juan.”

Anyway, David said that it’s pretty hard to know, because you sort of learn from everything you do. “Anything where you kind of walk in another other human being’s shoes, whether for real or for the purposes of a role…” He explained. He then added that it depends on what you mean by “life lesson”. In terms of “good to know”, he had to learn a bit of guitar playing for Campbell, so that was pretty good. But in terms of deeper understanding?

“I don’t know. I suppose anything that makes you examine your relationship with life and mortality… It’s probably hard to get past something like Hamlet for that because it makes you think about grief and being a human being, and how much you value your own life and other people’s lives, and that’s a very fundamental question. But I think the act of pretending to be someone else is continually illuminating, whoever this person might be, because it makes you consider a different viewpoint, which is something we all should be doing all the time, I guess, and I get to do it as my job, so I’m very lucky,” He concluded.

The next question was about Casanova – whether it was as much fun as it looked, and whether he considers it to be his “stepping stone for Doctor Who”. David replied that it was very fun, and that it was sort of his audition to Doctor Who. He told the old story, of how it was created by Russell and Julie, and while they were shooting it they actually started looking for someone to replace Christopher Eccleston, and it’s pretty much because of Casanova that they even approached him.

Arabella then asked whether they’d already been thinking about him before Casanova, and David said that not to his knowledge, particularly since they already had a Doctor. Things changed pretty quickly, and as a result of working on Casanova the opportunity for Doctor Who came along – but to this day he doesn’t know what the process was, what was said or at what point they even started thinking about him.

The girl who asked the question shouted that it’s her birthday, and David sort of looked at her, all, “Okay, what do you want me to do with it?” (those faces of his) for a moment, and then eventually went, “What do you want me to do? Do you want cake or something?” Being the sweetheart that he is, though, after the laughter stopped, he said, “Happy birthday. Many happy returns.” <3

The next question was about Secret Smile (“What was he? He was a stalker?” “He was a nutter, yeah”). Arabella started by explaining a bit about the mini-series (I think is the right term?) and David’s character, and then she started, “So the question is-“ only to be cut off by David who went, “Is that really you?” (cue more laughter)

Anyway, the question was what David’s reaction was to reading the character and how he got into the mind set for it. David’s response was absolutely beautiful (although for the most part not new). “The thing is, playing sort of nutters and the crazy people and people who are disturbed, it’s all… there’s something quite liberating about it. Because you get to dabble in the darker corners of psychology there within a very safe environment, of course, because it’s not that you become that person, it’s not like you have to live your life like that, but you get to sort of see what that might feel like. You get to kind of… obviously, in very sort of fictional terms, you get to kind of… sniff that world. You get to go to quite dark places, whilst knowing it’s safe and whilst knowing you’re not actually hurting anyone, so they’re kind of delicious characters to get a go at, because they go to places that you as a human being would never go. So there’s an acting challenge in it that is very appealing, and also, it’s quite intriguing to see what that feels like, even in a fictional framework.”

Another old question that popped up again: what’s David’s favourite episode of Doctor Who that he was in, and why. David once again said it’s hard to pick favourites, particularly because there are different levels, so there are different episodes that fit as favourites in those different levels. For instance, on the personal-emotional level, an episode that’s very important to him is The Doctor’s Daughter, because that’s where he met Georgia. “My life had been very different if that had never happened, so that completely changed the trajectory of everything that I now have, so it’s hard to see past that.”

Arabella then mentioned something about her favourite episode, and David said he’d like to know which it was, so she said it was the episode she was in. David looked at her and went, “I wasn’t in it.” And she just said, “Yeah, I know.” (cue laughter) She did mention that until she finally got a part in Doctor Who (not with David, which wasn’t fair), her kids said that David wasn’t in it, so it doesn’t count. (aww)

Following that, David was asked which character he played he connected to the most on an emotional level. David thought about it for a moment, and then said that there are different meanings for “connecting on an emotional level” – it can be someone who’s the most like you, or someone you feel empathic towards. He added that every character that’s well written is easier to connect to, really.

Arabella suggested Campbell (Bain, from Takin’ Over the Asylum <3), and David thought about it and said that he certainly connected to Campbell in a way. He went on to talk about Dave, from Single Father, which was very emotional to him – and that was even before he was a father himself. He added that if he did it now, he’d probably be better in it – but he’d probably find it unbearable, too. It was an imagined situation back then, but now that he has children and a family, it would become something so much more – which would make it even more difficult, so to do something like that now would probably be “almost too much”.

The next question was whether Walt (in the newly announced HBO comedy Camping) is an American. David said that he thinks so, but they haven’t started yet, so who knows.

The next question was about David saying that his obituary would have to be written in Tardis blue. The person who sent it continued and asked, if he had a choice, what would he prefer to be remembered for? David replied that he thinks he said something about Doctor Who being the first line of his obituary; saying it’d be Tardis blue was probably just being poetic. (“Or geeky,” said Arabella)

Following that, David was asked, what was it like to work with Jodie Whittaker? David (dead serious and very dramatic) replied, “Awful. She’s terrible. It’s unbearable!” Once the laughter stopped, David turned serious and replied that she’s lovely, and he’s had a great time working with her. “I’m sure everyone working on Doctor Who would say the same,” He concluded, to many cheers from the audience.

Another familiar old question followed: is there a Shakespeare role David would love to do? David went, “Of course! Loads of them.” He mentioned Iago in Othello and Angelo in Measure for Measure, and Bottom in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. He concluded that there’s a long list… “And then when I’m old there’s a whole other list.”

The next question was about having to be sad/to cry while doing a scene. The person asked how he does it when he has to. David said that it depends on the circumstances – “In an ideal world, it comes out of a naturally occurring moment, when something feels real enough that it takes you somewhere emotional,” He explained. But in other cases, you learn to fake it. Arabella added that sometimes they give actors eye drops, and David agreed that sometimes they just put things in your eyes to make you cry (saying “cry” in his most Glasgow-boy accent).

Another question was if there’s ever been a role David hasn’t done and would love to do. Someone suggested James Bond, but David immediately said he’d be rubbish in it, although he would love to play a Bond villain – that would probably be fun. “I’d like to have my own volcanic lair,” He stated, to much laughter.

The next question was another old familiar one: does David prefer to play good or evil? David’s response was the same as always – that you shouldn’t categorise them. “It shouldn’t be binary,” He said. “Ideally, you shouldn’t really judge any of your characters as good or evil. You should just be that person, do what they feel they have to do. I don’t think human beings believe themselves to be good or evil, particularly – most of us believe ourselves to be good, or at least, hope we are. I think most of us come from that place. Maybe some of us fear we’re not. We’re probably all somewhere on that spectrum in between, not quite sure what we think and worry that we might not be as good as we hope to be or aim to be. So I think it’s dangerous to prejudge a character.”

He added that with someone like Kilgrave, it’s hard not to see him as a villain, because of the things he’s done, but you’ve got to see that person’s point of view – you’ve got to come from their world and see how they think and why they do what they do. You just have to try not to think about it in a binary way. “Inevitably, characters are placed in storylines to do certain things,” He added. “My job as an actor is to try to make sense of this.” (Arabella agreed and added that once you hate your character, it’s very hard to do anything with it, so you’ve got to try and look at it from the character’s perspective).

Another familiar question: what role have you most enjoyed? David immediately said, “All of them, all the time.” He continued to say that the “favourite” questions are hard, because it feels like you’re comparing roles, “like you’re putting them in a league table”, and the thing is, whatever job it is you’re doing at the moment is the one you’re the most engaged with, so naturally it comes up as a “favourite” and it feels like the biggest thing there is. “Because that’s the conceit of it, that’s part of the job, really,” He said, “You’ve got to give yourself to it as wholeheartedly as you can.” So naturally, each job you do at the moment is the biggest and most important and “favourite”.

The final question of the evening was actually… my question! Surprisingly (I’m not sarcastic, it really was a surprise).

Arabella started saying that this seems like a good question to end with, at which point we all went, “Ohhh”. She looked at us and went, “I’m sorry but that has to be it.” David looked at her and immediately said, “No, we’re gonna stay here all night until all these questions are answered!” Surprisingly, we all cheered. ;)

Anyway, after certain amount of doubting the truth of the question from Arabella (what, me, angry? Nooooo), she finally started reading it.

“You often talk about your own insecurities, and the fear of being ‘found out’-“

“Yes.”

“-Of not being good enough-“

“Yes.”

“-Yet you constantly put yourself out there for appraisal and criticism.”

“I know, it’s pathetic, isn’t it?” (Try incredibly brave, David.)

“How do you avoid letting those fears get in the way of your job?”

“I do think that, and I certainly feel that… all the time you’re waiting to be ‘found out’, you’re waiting for someone to show up and go, ‘So, you think you’re good at this?’” David gestured aside, like he’s pointing at a door, “’Here’s your coat.’ And then you sometimes wonder, maybe actors think we’re terribly special but we’re not. Maybe everyone feels like that all the time.”

Arabella then butted in and mentioned the Imposter’s Syndrome, and how every woman suffers from that and it’s something specific to women (that’s bullshit, and I’m a psychology student). And David went, “I’m definitely a woman, then.”

And that was it. There was a bit of an ending speech, and David was given a present, and then it was all over and we all went our separate ways.

You can find a collection of the photos I’ve taken that day over here, and you can find a few quotes that didn’t get into the final report over here. 

Hopefully this makes anyone who asked for this report happy. xx

[planetarixm]

2 x 11 questions tag game + Bold stuff tag game

And we got tagged by some lovely people, thank youu ♥

1 - tagged by @sayitaliano

What’s your favorite beverage? least favorite?                         Orange juice / coke

Name 3 things on your bucket list. To learn as many lenguages as possible,to travel europe, to have a cat haha

What attracted you to learning each of your target languages? Not a reason in specific, i think each lenguage has something that other doesn’t, also learning them you can understand their culture and also have access to more information

Who are your role models or inspirations?  @yourfavwolf for sure, i love the way she thinks and the things she stands for, also she is the sweetest person ever and even tho i don’t know her personally she has a big influence in the person i am today

What do you do when you’re feeling down in order to cheer yourself up? Whatever distracts me from thinking, usually talk to my mom or watch series

Opinions on social media? Love it? Hate it? Not sure, i think i am in the middle, social media can be whatever you want it to be, inspiration, a curse, blessing, etc

Do you already have childrens’ names picked out? Yes, but I’ll talk with their dad. I like Lucas, Amelia, Felipe, Kylie, Cindy

If you got to do-over one moment, what would you choose? A bunch of random things hahah

Do you want to be famous? If it means i can meet rihanna and halsey, then yes

What do you do when you can’t sleep? Go into my phone until i start getting sleepy

Not really a question, but…go learn 5 words in your target language! Oohh, that’s hard

lindeza - prettiness - belleza xodó - girfriend/boyfriend - novia/novio apaxionada - in love - enamoradx coração - heart - corazón sempre - always - siempre

______________________________________________________

2 - tagged by @sayitaliano

1. Do you like spicy food?                                                                            No, i hate it so much

2. If you could move somewhere, where would it be and why?

Idk probably somewhere in Europe

3. What kind of learner are you (visual, auditory..)? I think a little bit of each

4. What was the last photo you took? No idea

5. What’s your cure for hiccups? Hold my breath 

6. Do you have a motto/ quote you live by? Be kind but take no shit

7. Share your favourite meme or funniest joke. How do you call a mexican that lost his car?

Car-los

8. If you were to change your name, which one would you choose? I would love Khloé because my mom’s name is Kelly so I think they are alike

9. What’s the one thing you regret buying?                                                  A looooot of food in the cinema that i didn’t end up eating hahahah

10. What food do you crave often?                                                          Fries, doritos and churros

11. Describe your ideal day.

Being with my best friends doing crazy things

My Questions: using again some old questions nobody answered yet. 1. What is one thing you have to do but hate to do??

Clean my room 

2. Let’s suppose I’m visiting your hometown: what should I do/see first?

Well, I live in Venezuela so i think you should go to the parks or some iconic places 3. What’s your biggest dream? Is it the same you had when you were little?   As for right now i don’t remember 

4. Tell me a line/quote from your favorite book/song/movie                          ‘‘The eyes chico, they never lie’‘

5. What’s the first word you learnt in the language you’re learning/have learnt? So a lot of my friends are portuguese but the first thing i learned was ‘’eu ñao se nada’’ which is ‘’i don’t know anything’’ and in portuguese i would say the happy birthday song HAHAHAH @sayitaliano 6. Is there a very old memory you want to share?                                        Hmm, one time i almost drowned in a pool trying to get water in a cup but luckily my older brother saved me  7. Do you talk to yourself? What do you usually tell you?                                    I really don’t do it at all 8. Let’s suppose you have a terrible memory (as me), and you need to take a note: do you take a pen and write it down or do you write it on your smartphone?                                                                                                        I write it down in a book or something 9. Do you like to swim?                                                                                      No, i hate it  10. What’s your biggest passion?                                                              Culture, lenguages and other people 11. Do you have a particular bad habit?                                                               I compare myself and lot and bc of that i have really low self love

Tagging: see below

_____________________________________________________

3- tagged by @sayitaliano

1st rule: tag 9 people you want to get to know better: i don’t really know so if u want to, do it

2nd rule: bold the statements that are true

appearance - i am 5'7 or taller - i wear glasses - i have at least one tattoo - i have at least one piercing - i have blonde hair- i have brown eyes (only one tbh) - i have short hair - my abs are at least somewhat defined - i have or had braces

personality - i love meeting new people - people tell me i am funny - helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - i enjoy physical challenges - i enjoy mental challenges - i am playfully rude to people i know- i started saying something ironically and now i can’t stop saying it - there is something i would change about my personality

ability - i can sing well - i can play an instrument - i can do over 30 pushups without stopping - i am a fast runner - i can draw well - i have a good memory - i am good at doing math in my head - i can hold my breath underwater for over a minute - i have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling - i can make at least 3 recipes from scratch - i know how to throw a proper punch

hobbies - i enjoy sports - i’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - i’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - i have learned a new song in the past week - i exercise at least once a week - i have gone for runs at least once a week in warmer months - i have drawn something in the past month - i enjoy writing - i do some form of martial arts

experiences - i have had my first kiss - i have had alcohol - i have scored a winning point in a sport - i have watched an entire tv series in one sitting - i have been at an overnight event - i have been in a taxi - i have been in the hospital or er in the past year - i have beaten a video game in one day - i have visited another country - i have been to one of my favorite bands concerts

my life - i have one person that i consider to be my Best Friend™ - i live close to my school/work - my parents are still together - i have at least one sibling - i live in the united states – i have hung out with a friend in the past month - i have a smartphone - i own at least 15 cds - i share my room with someone

relationships - i am in a relationship - i have a crush on a celebrity - i have a crush on someone i know (not sure though) - i’ve been in at least 3 relationships - i have never been in a relationship - i have admitted my feelings to a crush - i get crushes easily - i have had a crush for over a year - i have been in a relationship for over a year - i have had feelings for a friend

random - i have break-danced - i know a person named jamie - i have had a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce - i have dyed my hair - i’m listening to a song on repeat right now - i have punched someone in the past week - i know someone who has gone to jail - i have broken a bone - i have eaten a waffle today - i know what i want to do in life - i speak at least two languages - i have made a new friend in the past year

[helptowriteabook1-blog]

Write Your Book Now - 10 Ways to Overcome Your Procrastination

Producing a book can seem like a daunting project - worthy of procrastination. We all know that procrastination is the take action of putting off something until a later time. Like writing this article. I started last night - and additionally wished I'd finished then - but I didn't. So here I am bogged down with it. Since William James said, "Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task. " Procrastination is considered a coping mechanism for dealing with the anxiety or fear. If anxiety or fear don't exist, we wouldn't put things off. We would go for it! So procrastination is self-sabotaging-keeping us from beginning to see our dreams. In regard to writing your book, you may have put it off for any number of reasons. Perhaps it's fear of fail - or success. Or you think you're not a good enough writer; you don't know enough to write anything; you will never get your book published; no one will like your book or what you have to say; you don't have time to write, you may plain HATE TO WRITE. non-etheless, you really want to write that book. You have an expertise you want to share that will helps others; you help to write a book. You just finished a book that you could have published better. You've got a story that's been bouncing around in your head for years. Still - you haven't started writing an individual's book. Why? Maybe your anxieties are overwhelming your desire-and you need to change that. Visualize your wish as a published author. You are the expert. See yourself holding your book, talking to others about it. Maybe you're at a book signing or giving a talk about it, or being interviewed by the media. Your result? Your status is bolstered and you enjoy success because of the book. How badly do you want to attain this want to find themselves publishing book? Write a number 1 to 10 (highest). If it's 7 or above, what's stopping any from pursuing your dream? Ask yourself: What's the worse thing that could happen? Even if your book has been a failure, you would learn from the process and move on. The literature is replete with the failed stories of flourishing authors. Remember, the worst regrets are on the chances you never took! Once you identify those demons forbidding your success, you can overcome them-and take action. Let's look at ten major excuses for not writing your current book - and how to overcome them. 1 . I don't have enough time. Set aside just 15 minutes every day to figure on your book. Perhaps, get up 15 minutes earlier. Commit to focusing at least 15 minutes a day of uninterrupted writing. Within your "writing time, " do not answer the phone, e-mails, or text messages. Just like you plan uninterrupted time to workout in order to meditate or to be with your kids, devote at least 15 minutes every day to work on your book. 2 . I'm way too busy and "forget" about writing my book. Set a schedule and put writing on your "to do" list. Now that you have committed to just 15 minutes, schedule it into your day on a regular basis-preferably once every day-so it becomes part of your routine. That way you won't forget or avoid it. Hold one self responsible to working on your book each day. Check it off your "to do" list as a way with acknowledging your success in following through with your goal. Then reward yourself with something that works for your needs. 3. I don't know where to begin. Start at the endpoint to create a structure-a plan for your book--like an architect. People wouldn't begin building a house without a blueprint. Likewise, you need a plan for your book. Rather than start by writing without the need of direction, the first step is to give thought-a great deal of thought to the structure of your book. 4. It's too mind-boggling. Create your plan in manageable steps. Identify your vision, goals, and expectations for your book. Set off from there, in small steps, to identify your target audience, branding, positioning, even your table of ingredients. At AuthorAssist, we offer 15 exercises that result in a personal guidebook for writing your book-- your strategy. Realize, you haven't yet written a single word! But now you have a plan-a direction for starting-and completing your book. 5. I hate to write. Consider dictating your manuscript. Choose from a variety of voice recognition software programs or dictate into a digital recorder or even your cell phone. The digital file can be imported into the voice recognition program or you can hire someone to manually transcribe the file. Since we talk sooner than we write, this can be an efficient and less stressful method, for getting a first draft of your book. 6. My workspace is too cluttered and uninviting. According to Salvatore Manzi of Feng Shui Life Mapping. com, "Start by setting up an office that is free from such distractions. Anything on your desk or office environment that is unfinished, unloved, or unused is clutter eating up the energy that could be used creatively with your succeed. As you spend time looking for something you need, you'll get distracted by the desire to finish something else and put things on their place. " Remember your dream of writing your book? Incorporate a visual image-a mock book cover and also photo of yourself at a book signing. This will motivate you and provide focus on your writing. 7. I want a deadline to get things done. Give yourself a firm time frame for completing one manageable step to your plan. If you're devoting only 15 minutes, it may take several days to complete one step. That's okay. Just connect with your deadline. Create a calendar to show when that step will be completed and the next one started-and progress from there. 8. I feel alone in trying to start my book. Enlist a writing coach or even buddy to get you going-and keep you going. Writing is a solitary endeavor and it's easy to feel by itself in your thoughts and words. Hire a writing coach or enlist another writer to help you overcome the procrastination associated with starting your book. A coach provides the specific steps for developing your blueprint. Then you can get started the actual writing, dictating subchapters at a time to get to that vital first draft. Your coach or buddy might check up on you regularly to ensure you are making progress. As one client said, "Working on the exercises together in addition to having someone out there giving me instant feedback was extremely helpful. " 9. Writing/publishing my booklet is too expensive. How much is it worth to succeed at your dream - and boost your status? Yes, there are actually costs, as with anything worthwhile. Like the tasks involved, the costs are manageable and can be budgeted in small to medium sized chunks. 10. It doesn't matter if I put if off a while longer. Where will you be a year from now: hoping you had started today-or holding a copy your published book? When it comes to taking the first step toward writing your own book, it's easy to but it off until tomorrow. Remember, the best way to get something done is to begin. Do It Now.

[zeroviraluniverse-blog]

10 Surprising Facts About Burt Reynolds

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10 Surprising Facts About Burt Reynolds

If your first memory of Burton Leon Reynolds is from the 1993 film Cop and a Half, then you’re probably too young to remember—or even realize—that Burt Reynolds was once Hollywood’s biggest movie star. To put it in perspective: Every year from 1973 to 1984, Reynolds was listed as one of Quigley’s “Top 10 Money Makers,” and held the top spot on the annual poll from 1978 to 1982 (the only other person to boast a record five consecutive years at the top of the list is Bing Crosby, back in the 1940s).

After a serious knee injury and subsequent car accident ended a promising football career at Florida State University, Reynolds found his way into acting. He got his start in a series of television roles, including a regular gig on the western series Riverboat, then hit the big screen big time with his breakout role in John Boorman’s 1972 backwoods classic, Deliverance.

Reynolds followed Deliverance up with such hits as Smokey and The Bandit (a film Playboy called “the Gone with the Wind of good-ol’-boy movies”), Semi-Tough, The Cannonball Run, and The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. Though he hit a bit of a rough patch for a few years, all of that changed when Reynolds agreed to star in Boogie Nights, Paul Thomas Anderson’s 1997 ode to pornography, which earned the actor a Golden Globe award, a Best Supporting Actor Oscar nomination, and one of the biggest comebacks of the decade. Here are 10 things you may not have known about the mustachioed Hollywood icon, who turns 80 years old today.

1. HE TURNED DOWN SOME MAJOR ROLES.

Over the course of a near-60-year career, one is bound to pass on some prime roles. And Reynolds has turned down a lot, including (by his own admission in the video above) Han Solo in Star Wars, R.P. McMurphy in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Edward Lewis in Pretty Woman, and John McClane in Die Hard. Although he doesn’t regret that final one: “I don’t regret turning down anything Bruce Willis did,” Reynolds told Piers Morgan.

More notably, and perhaps more regrettably, Reynolds turned down a chance to play James Bond in 1969. As Reynolds explains it: “In my infinite wisdom, I said to [producer] Cubby Broccoli, ‘An American can’t play James Bond. It just can’t be done.’ And they really tried to talk me into it. It was a 10-minute discussion. Finally they left. Every night, I wake up in a cold sweat.”

The role Reynolds laments turning down the most, however, is a role that was written specifically with him in mind. When director James L. Brooks approached him about playing Garrett Breedlove in 1983’s Terms of Endearment, Reynolds balked, instead taking a role in Hal Needham’s Stroker Ace. “When it came time to choose between Terms and Stroker, I chose the latter because I felt I owed Hal more than I did Jim,” Reynolds explained (Needham also directed Smokey and the Bandit, Hooper, and The Cannonball Run). “Nobody told me I could have probably done Terms and Universal would have waited until I was finished before making Stroker.” The role went to Jack Nicholson, who took home the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in 1984.

2. HE POSED NUDE IN A 1972 ISSUE OF COSMOPOLITAN.

It may be common knowledge that Burt Reynolds posed naked in Cosmopolitan. What may be less known is that he regrets that decision. “I’m very embarrassed by it,” Reynolds told Piers Morgan. Editor Helen Gurley Brown asked Reynolds to do the photo shoot after the two appeared together on The Tonight Show. “I thought it would be a kick,” Reynolds said. The issue came out only a short time before Deliverance was released in theaters and all 1.6 million copies of the magazine sold out.

Despite the popularity of the spread, Reynolds now believes that it may have distracted from the critical reception of Deliverance. “I thought it cost some actors in Deliverance an Academy Award,” Reynolds told Morgan. “I think it cost Jon [Voight]. I think it cost Ned Beatty, who certainly deserved an Oscar nomination. I think it hurt me, too.”

3. HE TURNED DOWN HIS OSCAR-NOMINATED ROLE IN BOOGIE NIGHTS. SEVEN TIMES.

Paul Thomas Anderson was adamant that Burt Reynolds play iconoclastic porn producer Jack Horner in his 1997 masterpiece, Boogie Nights, despite Reynolds’s aversion to the material. Anderson asked seven times, and got seven passes from Reynolds. “One night—the eighth time—[Anderson] came to my hotel room,” Reynolds recalled. “And I said, ‘Look, you don’t get it.’ And I went a little berserk. And at the end of the tirade, he said, ‘If you can do that in the movie, you’ll get nominated for an Academy Award.’ And he was right.”

4. AN ON-SET STUNT CAUSED HIM A LIFE OF PAIN.

The 1980s weren’t always kind to Reynolds. “I can’t believe I did all those bad films in a row until I looked at the list,” he said. During the filming of 1984’s City Heat, Reynolds was struck in the face by a metal chair and shattered his jaw. He developed TMJ as a result of the injury and ended up losing 40 pounds due to his inability to eat solid food. The shocking weight loss fueled speculation that Reynolds had contracted AIDS, a rumor he spent years refuting. He also developed a severe drug dependency as a result of the chronic and debilitating pain he suffered from TMJ; at one point Reynolds was taking up to 50 Halcion sleeping pills a day.

Reynolds eventually kicked the pill addiction, but was not so lucky with the pain. He still suffers daily from the more than 30-year-old injury.

5. HE HAD AN IMPROMPTU PIE FIGHT WITH DOUBLE DARE HOST MARC SUMMERS ON THE TONIGHT SHOW.

Burt Reynolds had just finished up his segment as a guest on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno in 1994 and had shifted over to make way for the next guest, TV show host Marc Summers (Double Dare, Unwrapped). Reynolds became visibly irritated with Summers for, ostensibly, turning his back on him while he was speaking to Leno. Summers then made the comment to Reynolds, “I’m still married, by the way.” This jab precipitated a water fight between the two combatants: Reynolds dumped his mug on Summers’s lap, Summers retaliated, so on and so forth. The donnybrook culminated in a rather violent pie fight followed by a very awkward hug.

“This was not a bit,” Summers explained. “I didn’t know what to expect. He was going through a divorce with Loni Anderson at the time and he was angry … He hugged me and said, ‘I only did that because I really like you.’ You wait to get on The Tonight Show your whole life. You’re sitting next to Burt Reynolds. He drops water on your crotch, then you get into a pie fight!”

6. HE PISSED OFF ELMORE LEONARD.

Reynolds was a longtime admirer of writer Elmore Leonard. After reading Leonard’s novel, Stick, Reynolds decided that he wanted to direct and star in the film version. Things did not go well.

After watching Reynolds’s first cut of the film, the studio pushed back its release date and forced him to re-shoot the second half of the movie, much to the actor/director’s dismay. “I turned in my cut of the picture and truly thought I had made a good film,” Reynolds told the Los Angeles Times. “Word got back to me quickly that the [studio] wanted a few changes … I gave up on the film. I didn’t fight them. I let them get the best of me.”

The biggest blow came from Elmore Leonard. “Leonard saw the film the day he was interviewed for a Newsweek cover and told them he hated it,” Reynolds shared. “After his comment, every critic attacked the film and he wouldn’t talk to me. When I re-shot the film, I was just going through the motions. I’m not proud of what I did, but I take responsibility for my actions. All I can say—and this is not in way of a defense—is if you liked the first part of Stick, that’s what I was trying to achieve throughout.”

7. HE DABBLED IN THE NIGHTCLUB BUSINESS.

Burt Reynolds’s foray into the booming 1970s nightclub business was a short-lived one. He opened Burt’s Place in the late 1970s at the Omni International Hotel in downtown Atlanta. The club’s most notable feature was a stained glass dance floor that featured a rendering of Burt’s face and the words, “Burt’s Joint”—which was odd, considering that wasn’t even the name of the establishment. Burt’s Place/Joint closed after a year.

8. MARLON BRANDO WAS NOT A FAN OF REYNOLDS.

Coming up in the movie business, Burt Reynolds was a huge Marlon Brando fan. Brando did not share the sentiment. When Reynolds was being considered for the role of Michael Corleone in 1972’s The Godfather, Brando adamantly declared that if Reynolds was given the role, he would remove himself from the project. The rest is history.

Brando later said about Reynolds, “He is the epitome of something that makes me want to throw up … He is the epitome of everything that is disgusting about the thespian … He worships at the temple of his own narcissism.” Ouch! To be fair, in the same conversation, Brando admits that he had never even met Reynolds.

9. HE RELEASED AN ALBUM. 

Hot off his success in Deliverance and his nude spread in Cosmo, a solo album seemed like the next, most Hollywood-appropriate course of action.

Reynolds released his debut record, “Ask Me What I Am,” in 1973 and somehow this gem seems to have evaded critics and fans alike. We do know that the album came with a double-sized poster of Reynolds in a blue jumpsuit and cowboy hat. You can listen to a track on YouTube, but if you must hear it in its entirety, it’s available on Amazon.

10. HE DOESN’T THINK DELIVERANCE COULD BE RE-MADE TODAY.

“They keep talking about a remake, but I don’t think you could find four actors crazy enough to do it,” Reynolds said. “Not by any stretch of the imagination were we white water experts. We’d quit for the day and come back and practice. We got to the point where we were more proficient, or at least we didn’t get tipped over all the time. I have to admit that, in spite of the danger, or maybe because of the danger, it was the most fun I ever had.”

Reynolds has often said that Deliverance is the finest of all of his films.

[geekalmighty]

What is Walker Stalker London?

Walker Stalker London is the european leg of the Walking Dead fan convention. If you are a fan of the tv show, this is your chance to meet the stars of the show and meet fellow fans.

When is Walker Stalker London?

In 2017, the event ran on 4th and 5th March. 2018 tickets are on sale from 18th March 2017, and the show will run 10th and 11th March (so a weekend later than 2017.)

Where is Walker Stalker London Held?

For the past 2 years, Walker Stalker has been held at Olympia, London. It’s a big venue, although getting there can be problematic when there’s frequent tube works at the weekend. I highly recommend using Uber (costs around a tenner each way between Paddington station and right outside Olympia.) Getting there from the train station, early in the morning took less than 10 minutes, getting back again took twice as long due to the busier traffic in the afternoon. Travelling to Olympia by tube from Paddington, can take anything from 30 minutes to an hour, depending on how busy it is and how frequently the connecting trains to Olympia are running.)

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Main Panel Stage

If you squint, you’ll see David Morrissey

The Govenor & Hershel

Scott Wilson on stage

We stalked JD Morgan on the stairwell – he said Hi!

On the left in the red cap is Andrew Lincoln (stalked at the bottom of the stairs, not such a great spot)

Buying Tickets

Tickets do sell out at least 2-3 months before the event but you’ve got some options.

Buy early for guaranteed tickets

Wait a bit for the 2 for 1 entry offers on general entry (like we did)

Risk it and buy off someone desperate to get rid of their tickets at face value because they can no longer attend

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT buy them for more than face value, or buy them off ebay. The tickets are digital ones that are easily sold several times over, but can only be redeemed once. Basically, whoever redeems them first gets in, leaving a lot of ripped off people very disappointed. [highlight color=”options: yellow, black”]So buyer beware[/highlight]!

This also applies to the photo ops tickets. Frustratingly, the organisers do not give refunds for any tickets (unless a guest cancels) which leaves people no option but to sell tickets on. You will also get people that profiteer on the photo ops, with popular guests such as Norman Reedus and Jeffery Dean Morgan autograph and photo ops which were purchased for around £90, selling on ebay for £300+. We witnessed several VERY disappointed people trying to swap their digital purchase for the photo op tickets, only to find that they had been ripped off by some unscrupulous person.

What does a ticket get you?

If you buy a general entry ticket, it will get you entry, plus the potential to attend most of the panel talks.  I say potential, it’s a bit of a lottery as VIP ticket holders have priority seating, it then depends how many other people are in the queue before you (you can’t seat hog between panels, everyone is cleared out of the panel area.)  We watched the Scott Wilson and David Morrissey panel which was set up in the main part of the hall.  Despite being sat in the middle of the audience, the sound was terrible and we pretty much had to read the subtitles on the large screens in order to follow the conversation.  It didn’t really help, when half way through members of the audience spied Norman Reedus walking along the back of the audience, and a really large number of people rushed him from the front, while screaming.   This was very distracting and not to mention, a little disrespectful to the panel that was still happening on the stage at the front.

There was also a zombie maze included in the ticket, and a few stalls selling Walking Dead and other geeky merchandise.  Other than that, everything else costs money.

How much are autographs?

The popular guests (Norman Reedus, Andrew Lincoln, JD Morgan) had autograph pre-sells before the show and cost around £70 – £90. Other guests like Josh McDermitt, and other show regulars cost around £50 for an autograph and same again for a selfie (yep, selfies are not included in the autograph price, they are additional.)

What are the Queues Like?

Will Call (Booking Office Queue) 10 mins before it opened

Be prepared to do a lot of queuing – but that being said, if you experienced the 2014 and 2015 summer LFCC queues, then this is a mere walk in the park – it’s really not that bad.  The organisers really keep things moving.  The first queue we hit, and was tiny, was the “Will Call” (box office) one on the Saturday morning.  We got there for 7.50am, it was due to open at 8am, but opened at 8.15am.  We’d got our tickets within 15 minutes.  The promoters heavily pushed for people to pick up their tickets the day before, which is fine if you’re in London, and I hear the queue was much longer then.

After picking up our tickets, we joined the general entry queue.  I’d say there wasn’t more than a couple of hundred people in front of us (the VIP queue was on the other side of the Booking office.) It did build up very quickly.  Within 30 minutes, the queue by the booking office was full, and they started another queue further down past the tube station and no longer allowed people to pick up tickets from the Book Office.

Doors for the VIP’s opened at 9am and general entry wasn’t due to be let in until 10.30am.  They actually let us (general entry) in at 9.30am, I guess because the queues were getting so big, and I think we were through the doors within 5 minutes.

Standing waiting for the box office to open. Looking at the start of the general entry queue

We then had to queue to pick up our photo op ticket.  This was situated right at the back of the hall, and the queue here was badly organised.  There were 4 members of staff checking photo ops, and problems started happening when people had dodgy tickets.  We happened to choose a line that didn’t move for 20 minutes, so I managed to queue hop to one that seemed to be whizzing along and got sorted in a couple of minutes.

We didn’t get any autographs, so I can’t really comment on the queues for these or how quickly they moved.

The photo op queues were very well organised.  You’re not allowed to queue until your time slot, then in terms of turn around, we knew our photo queue wasn’t due to go through until 3.40pm, and we were done and out by 3.50pm (that was with a lot of people in front of us.)  Photo ops are always a fast churn, basically enough time to say hello, shake hands/hug, pose and out.  (We had a Norman Reedus photo op, and I have to say, he was really lovely – very personable.)

What is the Food Like?

Expensive!  To be fair, that’s standard for pretty much any event venues.  £7+ for a hot dog and £5 for a muffin is pretty steep.  Take your own food and water!

What are the Staff Like?

I thought the staff were on the whole, very helpful and pleasant (we had a couple of misdirection’s, but hey no one’s perfect.)

What was the Merchandise Like?

For me, this was the biggest let down.  I didn’t think there was any thing like enough vendors there or enough variety.  I would like to see double the number at least.  Quite a lot of the product had been priced for the event (i.e. London prices, often up by 25%.)  I know people need to make their stand fees back but overpricing your stock isn’t the way to do it.

Overall Geek Almighty Rating for the Event

[yasr_overall_rating]

It was an experience, but not one that I would repeat. Overall, I thought it was very over priced and unless you’ve got the best part of £1k to spend on the weekend, it’s difficult to get the most out of it.  Definitely one for the super fans with money to burn.

Walker Stalker London Review. This is what we thought of it. Wasn't all good. #wsclondon #walkerstalkercon #wsclondon2017 What is Walker Stalker London? Walker Stalker London is the european leg of the Walking Dead fan convention.