#ALSO I GOT THE BOOK OF BILL AND SO FAR I AM LOSING IT

[ssssssstarnnnights]

I made a BILLsona in regards to me fixating over Gravity Falls hmm 😂

[showstopper35]

the human form (bill cipher nsfw!)

a/n: don’t ask me why I wrote this. I’m losing all self control. may draw at least my bill design later. This could be an x reader or you could pretend it's Ford.

notes/cw: NSFW!! SMUT! oral sex, handjob, cumplay. reader is gn. unfortunately I am a subscriber to Twinkish Bill Cipher, so there’s that.

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"How many holes do you have?" a familiar, grating voice asks as I am buried in a book.

"Excuse me?" I ask, peering at Bill's floating form over the top of my book.

"Holes. You." He points.

"Well, there's my mouth, ears, nose...that's five." I say slowly. "Do tear ducts count?"

"Yes. Seven, so far. But aren't there more holes down there?" He points to my lower region.

"Um..yes. Two or three, depending on the body." I say quietly. "For waste and for...um.."

"Cum?" he asks innocently.

"Yeah. That." I choke. Surprised he knows what that is, considering he refers to humans as "meat sacks".

"What's cum like? Is it yellow too?" he asks, sitting down in the air and crossing his legs.

"No...it's usually white and clear-ish. Why are you asking about...this?" I say tentatively.

"I want to experience more with my human form. You know, like, pain, but also pleasure. It'll help me understand how to manipulate you freaks better. " he muses, smirking somehow without a mouth.

"Oh. I guess that makes sense. Well, you could try...um..making that with your human form, I guess. If you wanted to." I had no idea where this conversation was going.

"How?" comes the new question, making me nearly blush. For all the weird shit he says, talking about sex was somehow weirder.

"You know where your dick is?" I ask. He nods. "You...can stroke it yourself. Or have someone stroke it for you if they want. Or they can use their mouth, or you can put it into someone else's...holes...and pump it until you cum." My voice progressively got quieter and more flustered as I explained to him all the different ways people came. He seemed to get gradually more excited as I went on.

With a flash of blue light, he transformed into his familiar human design. Gangly limbs, crooked mischievous smile, triangular eyepatch, and messy cowlicked hair. He immediately unzips his black pants.

"Woa! Woa! I'm right here!" I startle out of my seat, averting my gaze as he starts pulling on the waistband of his yellow boxers.

"I know. You're gonna help me." He states simply. He reaches over and loosely grabs my wrist. I jerk back, face flushed.

"Absolutely not! I'm not touching you." I all but scream.

"Please? Please? If you do this, I'll give you a small breakthrough in your research. I know you want it." His grip around my wrists tightens--a threat. I stall, a frown on my face.

"Fine." I say, before I can properly regret it.

"Really?" He lets go of my wrist, smiling.

"Just...just quickly. And you better keep your end of the deal."

He waves me away, already slipping into my chair. He points to the ground, and I slowly slide to my knees, my face between his thighs. He slowly pulls his length out of his boxers. His dick is relatively skinny, like the rest of him, but he definitely gave himself a generous length when designing this body.

"Are...you sure about this?" I ask, soft. He nods, watching me with intense fascination and almost greed. With that permission, I gently wrap a hand around the hilt of his length, slowly stroking up and down. He instantly flinches against my touch, and I can tell by his tension that it takes a lot for him to not pull away.

"Just tell me if you want to stop." I whisper, before kissing the top of his dick. I lick the beads of precum, a slight smile forming at my lips at its salty taste and the shiver that went up through his body. I place my whole lips around the head, sucking down and up in slow motions. I enjoy Bill's trembling, especially when he briefly closes his eyes.

I suck more, licking a thick stripe along the bottom of his cock, enjoying the soft whimper that escaped his mouth. He looked away, visibly embarrassed, but he runs a hand through my hair before tugging on it.

"Enjoying this?" I murmur, kissing the side of his dick. He just growled in response, his long, serpentine tongue flicking out between his lips. I feel his thighs twitch, shuddering. He's probably close.

I pump my hand around his cock harder, nearly choking as I try to fit more of it into my mouth with each suck. I go faster and faster, tears pricking at the edges of my vision. Finally, with a violent jerk, his hips buck into my face and he yanks on my hair so hard I whine. A nearly painful shudder runs through his thighs as hot cum spills into my mouth. I pull back, letting it drip onto my chin.

Slowly, still twitching, he reaches down to me and swipes at the cum on my chin, sticking his fingers into his mouth. "Salty." he comments, though it doesn't look like he hates it. He then wipes the rest of it onto my neck.

"Well? How was it?" I ask, touching his dick once again to cover my hand in cum. He takes my wrist and licks my palm, then presses my hand to his chest.

"I...I liked it. I see why it makes you ugly freaks go crazy." He sighs, leaning back, licking more of my fingers and ruffling my hair with his other hand.

"I'm glad. We aren't all bad, hmm?" I laugh, kissing his cock once more before standing up.

"No...not all bad."

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[xoxomoonlightxoxo]

Don't Get Attached | Drabble Series

"We're still on break, got it?"

“Y/n?” a female voice is muffled by the sound of the music outside. Fixing my curls, I tighten the strap of my two-piece before turning to Yoona, the host of the nightclub I’m currently working at. Very odd pairing, I know, I’m still not sure how I got the job, but it’s quick money, right? It’s only been a few weeks since I started, but I still cringe over the idea of satisfying the male gaze, so, I try to numb that part of my consciousness at work. As far as I’m concerned, this is temporary, just until I can pay off my mom’s hospital bills. She was diagnosed with Diabetes a month ago and had to be hospitalized for treatment, which unfortunately, as with everything in this capitalistic world was not free. 

Cut scene to the present time, I’ve learned to somewhat navigate this nightlife business, learning a few tips and tricks from the other girls, who are way older than me but are also struggling financially. I guess we are all just trauma-bonded in the end. To be quite frank, money wasn’t the only thing that fueled this decision of mine. Today also marks a month since Jungkook and I decided to take a break from our relationship. Nothing really happened aside from the fact that I was stood up and caught him with another girl, the usual plot, right? Anyway, I think this job came to me as a source of distraction, dissociating myself from reality until the thoughts in my head outscream the DJ at the front. Why didn’t we just break up, altogether? Fair question. Well, based on Jungkook’s words, he was meant to “change” over this period of separation and supposedly “can’t bear to lose me”, or something like that.  We’ll see, he’ll either be my everything or yet another lesson. 

“Someone is here for you. They’ve booked out a VIP room?” Yoona sounds and looks unsure, resting her head on the door frame before letting out a deep sigh. 

“Who? Is it Mark? I told the security not to let him in anymore,” I say almost irritated by the mere thought of that man. Ugh, he was the epitome of a manchild, always whining and demanding everything to go his way. I’m sorry, but my dignity will not be negotiated over money. I would rather die poor than have someone walk all over me because they can. 

“I’m not sure, I’m sorry. It’s so busy out there, you know with Valentine's Day and all,” she sighs, rubbing her temples. Oh, right. It’s also my first Valentine's without Jungkook in about two years. Just more fuel to the fire, I guess. 

“That’s okay Yoona, thanks for letting me know,” I reassure her with a soft smile, taking a deep breath before heading out. She wasn’t lying, the club is full to the brim. Every corner is occupied by a man with a stack of dollar bills in his hands, surrounded by bottles of champagne and naked bodies. 

Knock Knock Knock 

“Hello … what? What are you doing here, Jeon?” I almost yelp, jumping from the sight of his rested form on the velvet couch. Those naked bodies that I mentioned before, well, turns out I wasn’t an exception, covered in nothing but a lacey two-piece bedazzled with fake rhinestones. So, you could imagine the panic in my eyes, as I tried to pathetically hide behind a nearby curtain. Technically, it’s nothing he hasn’t seen already, but now it’s different. 

“I don’t know, what do people usually come here to do?” Jungkook grins, stretching his body before resting his head on his tattooed hand. 

“How did you find me?” I snap, still behind the curtain, too ashamed to come out. 

“Does it really matter if I’m already here?” there is a distinct hint of lure in his tone as his eyes focus on my furrowed expression. 

“Stop playing. I told you we needed a break,” I snap again, only this time with my body fully exposed to his visual field. Crossing my arms over my chest, I walk towards him, determined to prove that I in fact am not flustered by his presence. 

“I am on a break … and it’s pretty relaxing so far if I say so myself,” Jungkook grins, eyeing me up and down before leaning his arms on his knees, moving in closer. 

“Well, I’m not dancing for you if that’s what you want,” I scoff, rolling my eyes at his teasing sense of humour. 

“That’s okay, I don’t want you to dance,” he reassures with a soft smile, except nothing about him or this situation is soft. Suffocating at best. 

“Then what exactly do you want?” 

“Sit on my lap, y/n, and we’ll see what happens next,” he says hushedly, hooded gaze looking up at my scattering eyes as his hands trace up my thighs. 

“Fuck off Jungkook,” I try to walk away until his grasp on my arm tightens, pulling me back onto his lap. Now, inches away from each other, there is virtually no air to breathe. 

“Careful love, you know I only ask nicely once,” he whispers into my ear, softly nibbling on the skin before looking back at my flushed face.  

“Let me go, Koo,” I insist with my gaze still lowered as I try to push myself out of his grip. 

“Mhmm … Koo. I missed your voice. Say it again, y/n,” Jungkook pleads softly, leaning his head closer to meet my eyes. “Please?” he adds, caressing my red cheek with the back of his hand. Feeling my chest heave up, it’s hard to breathe. Unable to break out of his possession, there isn’t much I can do but give in to his desires. 

“Koo?” I say softly, innocent eyes looking up at his darkened orbs as his fingertips traced my lips.  

“Good girl, aren’t you?” he grins with a sly wink, before nuzzling his face into my neck, hugging my form tighter than before. Feeling his hot breath on my skin, I can’t help but succumb to the adrenaline and panic running through my veins. 

“I have to go,” I stutter abruptly, moving his face up to mine. Searching his eyes, there is an evident sense of emptiness behind them. Sadness even. 

“Please stay, y/n. You must be tired, let me take care of you,” he pleads into my palms, placing a soft kiss on the tip of my index finger which was covered by a bandaid. And, although I knew I would regret it later, I stayed. 

“Okay,” I whisper, straddling his thighs as my legs go numb at this point. Nibbling on my lips, I watched as he pulled out a black ribbon out of his jean jacket. 

“May I?” he asks innocently. 

“Oh, do I have a choice?” I chuckle at the way that innocent smile of his quickly turned into a sly grin. Tucking a few curls behind my ear, Jungkook leans closer before tying the ribbon over my eyes, gentle with his touch. Giving up yet another sense to his possession, I feel the panic rush in again. 

“Wait!” I snap abruptly, gripping his arms. “Whatever you do … this doesn’t mean anything. We’re still on a break, got it?” I try to convince both of us, before finally giving in. 

“Of course, whatever you say y/n,” Jungkook whispers into a needy kiss, nibbling on my bottom lip as his hands unclasp the bedazzled bra. Feeling his kisses go down to my neck, purple hues of desire begin to mark my skin. One thing is for sure, our lust for each other has been desperately fueling the whole of that break. And, as I hesitate to touch him, Jungkook senses my tension before placing my hands on his exposed chest, gliding them up and down his defined abs. 

“It’s still all yours, baby,” he whispers into my ear, laying me down on the velvet couch. Alarmed by the cracking sound in the background, my chest heaves up in suspense before a cold sensation hits my consciousness. Gliding an ice cube down my stomach, Jungkook’s hooded eyes watch in satisfaction as my back arches from the feeling. Licking the trail of melting water, he sucks on the soft skin, leaving a few love bites behind that turn me into a whimpering mess. 

“Koo,” I whine, reaching out to feel his arms. That is until a yelp escapes my parted lips as he glides the melting ice cube under my panties, which are already wet. With my chest heaving up, there was no time to even protest as his grip on my thighs tightened, moving me closer to him. 

“I’ll warm you up, baby,” Jungkook reassures with a raspy tone, helping me take off the lacey fabric before putting it in his pocket. Leaving a trail of kisses up my thighs, he stopped by my throbbing core which was now hot and cold at the same time. 

“Hi, gorgeous,” he grins.

Don't Get Attached Masterlist

[obsidianpen]

You know who I miss in hp that no one really remembers? Firenze even it the books we didn't get to see what happened to him after fifth year and honestly the centaurs were such an interesting addition who played semi-important roles in both fifth year (fucking um bitch got the karma+big brother Hagrid ) AND ANDD in the final battle after all hell breaks lose! I wanna know both in NG and in Incendiary, will we get to see more of them? it was in the final battle where centaurs join in and really light that spark needed for harry to escape but NG cuts off the final battle, so what happened to them? Just waiting in the forest? Looking at the stars and thinking this was not supposed to happen? Or did they know what was gonna happen and unlike canon did not even go there? Also this got me thinking...what's Voldemort stance on magical creatures ? Werewolfs were/are? his allies? but what about others like goblins or centaurs or Giants? is that gonna come up soon? honestly Harry is so cut off from the whole world rn we have no idea what Mr.V has done so far... erasing emotions is scary and not something that I feel likes is just gonna sit in the corner of the plot like a good lil boi so many ppl we haven't seen yet or only heard about them from others... McGonagall, shacklebolt, Arthur! bill, charlie, Fleur, TEDDY AND ANDROMEDA!!! Dean and wait is Lavender Alive? You saved Fred but like is Lavander dead dead? if so where tf is Grayback? cuz Harry aint gonna be happy with that... also poor Neville's funeral (Im the same anon who read hauntingly before it was even finished via some pdf at 4 a.m and cried so much when writing that post lol idk if you remember XD) and I forgot to ask you! how do you feel about us reading some of your deleted works via pdfs? I do not know whether to feel guilt or joy ? (anyway what happened was that I still can't read hauntingly past that chapter...and I was so so sooo mad at Snape and Neville, I detested them from the bottom of my heart so bad that I had to re-read both Nevilles death in NG and Snapes canon death for 3 days straight just to calm down a bit lmao) anyway I wonder what will her grandmothers reaction be to Harry explaining what happend

( I feel like I wrote a huge pile of messy stuff thrown together sorryyy :<)

Firenze!!! I hadn’t thought about him a ton either tbh but I will now! about the old pdfs - eh, I guess I’ve made peace knowing that it happens and there’s nothing I can do about it 🥲 like I dont love it but it’s all right, I am very neutral about it now

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Jasper Scherer at Texas Tribune:

State Rep. Shawn Thierry, a Houston Democrat who was defeated in her primary earlier this year, announced Friday she is switching to the Republican Party.

Thierry was ousted by primary challenger Lauren Ashley Simmons in the May runoff after she sided with Republicans last year on a handful of bills opposed by the LGBTQ+ community, including a measure barring gender-transitioning care for minors. She delivered an emotional speech from the House floor explaining why she broke with her party, remarks that went viral. In a statement, Thierry said she switched parties because the Democratic Party “has veered so far left, so deep into the progressive abyss, that it now champions policies that I cannot, in good conscience, support.” “I am leaving the left because the left has abandoned Democrats who feel betrayed by a party that has lost its way, lost its commitment to hard working families,” Thierry said. Thierry was announced earlier this month as the director of political strategy for the U.S. wing of Genspect, an international anti-trans policy group. Founded in 2021 by an Irish psychotherapist, the group is part of a broader network of organizations that oppose gender-transitioning care for minors, and its members have testified in favor of bills across the world that would ban or limit the practice.

The partisan balance in the lower chamber now stands at 87 Republicans and 63 Democrats. Thierry’s term will expire before the Legislature reconvenes in Austin for its next regular session in January, however, and Simmons is heavily favored to win the solidly Democratic seat in November. A number of prominent Houston Democrats lined up behind Simmons for her primary challenge, including some of Thierry’s current and former colleagues in the Texas House — an unusually public show of repudiation from an incumbent’s own party. Thierry countered with her own slate of endorsements from Black church leaders and a handful of Democratic lawmakers. Thierry also broke ranks from her party to support a GOP bill aimed at removing sexually explicit books from school libraries, a designation critics feared would be used to target LGBTQ+ literature. She also voted for a bill requiring transgender college athletes to play on teams that align with their sex assigned at birth.

[...] Aside from her break on LGBTQ+ issues, however, Thierry has consistently sided with the Democratic Party on high-profile issues during her four terms in office. She voted against Texas Republicans' boundary-testing immigration measure last year, Senate Bill 4, that lets any law enforcement officer arrest someone suspected of illegally crossing the border. She has also opposed GOP legislation banning abortion and enacting a private school voucher system, and in 2021 she joined other House Democrats who fled the state in a bid to block a Republican bill overhauling the state's elections.

Texas State Rep. Shawn Thierry, who lost in the Democratic primary runoff to Lauren Ashley Simmons, has formally flipped to Republican from Democratic. Thierry took a job at anti-trans organization Genspect to serve as its director of political strategy.

Thierry got in hot water for voting in favor of bills banning gender-affirming care for trans minors, trans sports participation matching their gender identity instead of the gender assigned at birth, and a book ban bill aimed at LGBTQ+ content.

On other issues, however, she voted with the majority of Democrats.

See Also:

Dallas Voice: Anti-LGBTQ state Rep. Shawn Thierry leaves Democratic Party

HuffPost: Texas State Rep. Shawn Thierry Switches To GOP After Losing Democratic Primary

[eternalglitch]

have you ever gotten to the point you felt like you weren’t interested in tmnt anymore? or felt afraid that you’d lose interest before finishing your fic? how do you combat that?

It hit me hard about two weeks ago that my tmnt phase felt behind me. Put a little headstone for 10/2019 - 1/2023. It was a great run.

I've lost interest in fics and abandoned them before. It happens. If a fic truly feels like a chore to write, don't write it. It's as simple as that. Fanfic is free and once you feel shackled to it out of obligation, you'll start hating it.

Luckily I have a few things going for me for specifically Like Father Like Son. One is that it's my favorite tropes, to the point where I literally bounce from fandom to fandom looking for this sort of fanfic about whatever character I am currently invested in. That does not go away or bore me.

Another is that at this point, it's almost like my own characters in the way that the events so far HAVE changed every character and developed them slightly away from canon. I don't need to refer back to the show for every little thing anymore, and sometimes in order to keep going I'll let myself drift further and further from canon and just have fun.

I also have a degree in creative writing and want to do it as a professional career in the future, so frankly FOR MY OWN PURPOSES training my brain to keep going and finding new ways to enjoy what I write, whatever that is, and not drop the ball is a habit I am intentionally working on until it becomes as simple as breathing for me.

This is not required for everyone, if it's better for you to start anew in a different fandom, go for it! But for me, it quite literally is a skill not to lose interest and to finish projects I commit myself to and I intend to keep strengthening that skill. If this is what will one day pay my bills I cannot write half of a book and go "eh nevermind."

It does help that I have the entire fic mapped out and am so excited to show my friends what else I've got in store. I won't let myself tell them until it's written down, and that lingering desire to show people the metaphorical rabbit in my hat will take me far.

(The lack of interest in tmnt might impact my ability to commit myself to more after lfls is finished but we will get there when we get there :})

[goat-and-a-pig]

Chapter 10

Present

“So Stud, I’ve got a question for you.” Icarus glanced over nonchalantly, his face betraying no hint of his plot.

“Sup,” said Stud. He glanced over his shoulder. He obviously wasn’t paying attention.

Perfect.

“Spud Potatoes?!? Seriously?!?” Icarus burst out laughing. Stan turned the color of a ripe tomato. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, that wasn’t my… best alias.” He grimaced.

“Wasn’t your best one? Does that mean you have more than one? Is Stud Pilfer even your real name? What is your real name? Do you really spell it P-I-L-F-I-R? Seems a bit tacky-” Stud cut him off. “NO, they’re just terrible at spelling!” He glared at him. “Also, I don’t really “do” backstory. But I am fascinated by yours! I assume I can’t ask about Bill.”

“Nope.”

“Or your weird name.”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Or your sidekick, Invisi-Girl.”

“Hey!” Mabel shouted. “I am a person, and I am right here. Any questions about me you ask to my face, punk.” She stuck her tongue out at him. “Sheesh, okay.” Stud (if that even was his name) chuckled. “So here’s my question- why’d you never leave the spaceship? You figured people were looking for you- right?” Icarus squirmed. “Well, Bill said I was too weak for the first year, and for the next nine I needed to build up my immunity to the radiation-”

“I never got mutated,” Stud interrupted. “And Mabel hasn’t been there for ten years, right?” She nodded. “So why wasn’t she mutated either?” Icarus frowned. What he said made sense, but it didn’t agree with what Bill said-

A shout arose from the tunnel. “PILFER!” A mustachioed guard yelled at them with more guards behind him.

They booked it.

When they got outside, Icarus could see the guards plus a big man and a small child with big white hair (or maybe it was an extremely short old person; Icarus couldn’t tell the age or gender from here) in handcuffs. Wait… Is that guard a centaur or just riding a horse? He’s too far away… He looked around at his settings, losing his train of thought. They were in a clearing with a canyon and a wooden dam. Who builds a wooden dam? That is so structurally unstable! I mean, come on-

“Dam it,” Stud puffed, breaking Icarus’ internal rant. Icarus looked pointedly at him and then at Mabel, to which Mabel rolled her eyes at. “No, dam it! As in, if we get them all down there and you stay up to break the dam-”

“-We can flood the canyon and get away!” Finished Icarus excitedly. “Yep,” said Stud, a bit miffed that Icarus stole his thunder. “What about the prisoners though? Are they good guys or bad guys?”

“Bad guys,” Stud and Mabel replied in unison. They eyed each other suspiciously. Stud broke first. “I, uh, might’ve cheated them off of their fair share of the profit,” he admitted. “But to be fair, they deserve it! Lil’ Gideon is so annoying! How is he so evil for a ten-year-old?” Mabel scoffed. “He deserved it,” she said darkly. Seeing their looks, she explained. “He’s my ex (sort of). And he’s really clingy! He wouldn’t stop sending me these creepy love letters and- ugh. Forget it.” Yikes. “Here, I’ll be motive enough to get Gideon down there. Bud will follow him from there. You get the guards.” Icarus grabbed her shoulder. “Are you sure about this Mabel?” He asked quietly. She looked up at him, determination gleaming in her eyes. “Icarus,” she said softly. “I know I’m twelve. But I’m more capable than you think I am. I’ll be safe, I promise.” He nodded uneasily.

“I’m gonna need a weapon, because you’ll need my gun. You got any?” Icarus felt around. “Here, take this.” He handed Stud his D, D, & More D rulebook. “Seriously?” But Stud went with it, waved his arms and shouted, “Catch me if you can, suckers!” while running down into the canyon. Mabel went over to Gideon (whichever one that was) and got both of them out of their handcuffs, pretending to help them. He caught the last part of her monologue. “So you’ve decided to take me back?” The short one asked. Guess that was Gideon. Eugh. “Heck no!” She smacked Gideon’s hand that had been creeping its way toward hers. “W-what?” He asked bewilderedly. “I said NO, Gideon! I think you need to learn what that means!” She sprinted down the path.

Gideon took the bait. Icarus could practically see the steam coming out of his ears as the other man (Bud?) lifted him onto his shoulders and ran after her. Down there, it looked like Stud was almost out of luck. He looked up at Icarus who mimed a hitting motion. Stud lifted the book and hit the guard forcefully on his head, knocking him out. “Hey! Your nerd thing is pretty good at putting people to sleep- in more ways than one!” His voice carried as he laughed. He continued to whack people. Icarus rolled his eyes and began to shoot.

Being made out of wood, the bullets went through easily. And being old, it didn’t take long for all of the strategically placed holes water was bursting through to make it collapse. The wood started to creak. Icarus only had to place one more bullet.

“Stud! Mabel!” He cried. They began running up the pathway. “Well I beat the-” he glanced at Mabel “-crap outta those guys. I don’t think you need to shoot it open.” He handed Icarus his book back. “Oh, okay,” Icarus agreed.

Then the dam flooded and swept them all away.

_____

“Aaaaaaaaahhhhh!” They screamed. They held tightly to one another as they were swept away. The guards and prisoners screamed too as all three groups were rushed onto different paths from a three way fork. Icarus, Mabel, and Stud spotted a cave and swam for it to escape the rapids. But as soon as they entered, rocks fell, blocking their exit and leaving enough tiny holes for water to start flooding in.

“No, no, no, no, no,” muttered Stud, panicked. He tried to get some rocks out of the other wall of the cave so they could break free, but with the water rising in the pitch black cave, it was futile.

“It’s useless. I can’t see.” Stud sighed. Mabel shivered and Icarus pulled her closer, his hair dripping on her forehead.

“Stan Pines.”

“Huh?”

“You asked me what my real name is; it’s Stanley Filbrick Pines. Feels like something I should get off my chest before I die.” Mabel gasped softly. “No way,” she whispered. Icarus smiled. “You know, I think I like Stan better.” Icarus felt Stan shrug. “Eh, suit yourself.” They sat in silence for a second, then Icarus spoke up.

“My eye glows when I say an incantation,” he offered. Then it struck him. “My eye glows when I say an incantation!” The water had almost completely filled the cave. He began to speak quickly.

“A-X-O-L-O-T-L!

My time has come to drown!

I invoke the ancient power-”

The water filled the room.

Icarus hesitantly opened his eyes- and could see! It had worked! Stan began to move the rocks frantically, scraping his hand in the process. He moved a rock and found a hole for water to leak from. Then another. And another. With each stone removed, they had a greater chance of living.

Suddenly, the wall broke and they tumbled out with it.

[adarkrainbow]

So, the thing I have been hinting at since a few posts is that - if you are not aware, Bill Willingham, the creator of the big DC comic book franchise "Fables" (a landmark in the history of both fairytale media and urban fantasy), decided to make "Fables" public domain. And everybody is losing their mind.

I am not sure of the details of the matter, but from a quick glimpse around the boiling Internet, Willingham was fed up with how DC handled their ownership of Fables and kept reinterpreting the contract Willingham had with them, ranging from DC chosing cover artists Willingham had not approved of, to him receiving apparently no money for the video game adaptation "A Wolf Among Us". So, tired of having to constantly battle with a DC company that apparently wasn't "playing fair", he decided to "cut the grass under their feet" as we say in France, and to make Fables public domain so that now everybody can make Fables work and sell them legally.

I am not sure if this will actually be happening since I am fact-checking my info while writing, and DC Comics has published a response explaining they will do everything they can to prevent this from happening - so this seems to be the beginning of another legal battle between Willingham and DC.

I also see a lot of posts heralding Willingham as some sort of hero for standing up against the "big company" that is DC and all that, I'll take a minute to remind you how before this all happened, Willingham had gotten a more ambiguous, if not unsavory reputation. I do like Fables (or at least I like the core of it, after a moment it really dragged on too much and tried to live way past its natural lifespan), and I am thankful it exists - but it doesn't change the fact Bill Willingham hasn't proven to be the greatest guy. His most recent dark note being his rudeness at the "Writing Women-Friendly Comics" convention, where he participated as a member of the panel, but apparently kept interrupting, mocking and disagreeing with all the women participating in a very rude and stubborn way. The guy certainly had cool ideas - but it doesn't mean he is a good guy, and given the series of accusations against him, and bad behavior incidents he got into, the whole "public domain" thing doesn't surprise me. Willingham has been giving off "petty diva" vibes these recent years, and this "public domain" move can be read in this direction.

I already highlighted how when it comes to actual variety in genders and sexuality, we have to wait for the spin-offs of Fables rather than the comic itself, spin-offs not written by Willingham - and there is also the whole thing of how he wrote one of the most perfect and heart-touching metaphors in Fables for the experience of being a trans person (the story of the wooden soldiers who wanted to become humans of flesh), but from what I heard he actually is not at all a trans-ally in real-life, not to say he might be transphobic? (Note: as I am writing this I discover he might also be doubtful, if not actively denying, climate change? Really?)

I am not sure of it all, again there's a lot of drama going on I have not spent my life documenting. But all of that to say... if Fables ever becomes public domain I would be so happy, because the original Fables truly exhausted its run in Willingham's hands (the recent revival has proven to be very disappointing, furthering my point), and only got breaths of fresh air within other writer's hands so far, so I would be very happy to see the franchise being explored and remade by other people. Again, Fables is a great concept and has been a big influence on so many things - it deserves to exist without the shadow of Willingham's dramas behind it.

At least that's my personal opinion. And with DC making all it will can to prevent the entering in the public domain, it might as well not happen...

[birdylion]

20 questions for fic writers!

@annerbhp said she tagged anyone who wants to do this.

How many works do you have on ao3? 26, of which 15 are in English

What’s your total ao3 word count? 50,585

What fandoms do you write for? I have written for Mass Effect (Trilogy + Andromeda), Harry Potter, Rivers of London, Firefly, The Memoirs of Lady Trent, Rogue One, … mostly a small number of fics each, it seems that I'm a fandom hopper. I can't say what I'm working on at the moment, for reasons of (exchange related) secrecy, but my other WIP that I can talk about is for this one German crime TV show that's got a new episode upcoming soon, Tatort (the Saarbrücken version).

What are your top five fics by kudos? HP: What we're made of, my trans Viktor Krum/Hermione Granger fic Good Omens: Sleepless Night, my Ineffable Husbands insomnia comfort ficlet Rogue One: The Darkest Prison, my Baze/Chirrut during imperial occupation fic Rivers of London: Bintumani, my Elsie Winstanley in Sierra Leone adventure fic The Memoirs of Lady Trent: Studying Dragons, my fic about a queer subculture in the flying university

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Yes, I usually respond to comments, but sometimes they sit for a (really long) while in my inbox before I answer because I want to look at them in the preview of my unread comments. Why do I answer? Always in the hopes of awesome dialogue :D but also to show my appreciation for the commenters

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? My first impulse was to say that I don't do pure angst without happy endings, but that's not true: I've written two Mass Effect fics that fit the bill. One is wistful and introspective about a failed relationship between Ryder and Reyes Vidal, but the other is more angsty: "under the burning sun", a story set between ME1 and ME2 in which Shepard & Kaidan return to Virmire to grieve Ashley. It's a story about grief and doesn't have a happy or even hopeful ending. They lost someone they didn't want to lose.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I'm not sure it's the happiest, but my fluffiest ending is in "Spürst du die Funken", my (German language) Dean/Seamus getting together story with gay Seamus & grayromantic bi Dean that I'm still meaning to translate into English some day.

Do you get hate on fic? I've never gotten hate on fic. Fingers crossed it stays that way.

Do you write smut? Not until recently, and I haven't published anything yet. One of my Tatort Saarbrücken fics is going to be very smutty though. Like, pure smut with a side order of character development.

Do you write crossovers? I haven't published any crossovers yet, but one of my WIPs is a Rivers of London / The Old Guard crossover in which they're in the same world, and Peter becomes the same kind of immortal as the Old Guard.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? As far as I know, no.

Have you ever had a fic translated? No, not so far.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, it's one of the Tatort Saarbrücken WIPs! With @shakespearerants . We're kind of stuck on the editing though because I can't find the time for getting back into it.

What’s your all-time favourite ship? I'm a multishipper (multiple ships even for the same character), how am I supposed to have an all-time favourite? Also, since I'm not that prolific and I'm a fandom hopper, there aren't many pairings for which I've written much. I guess Ron/Hermione is the pairing I've written the most? But that's, like, 3 oneshots.

What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t? I haven't given up hope for any of them. There are some I don't want to finish because I've lost interest, but for the rest, I'm still keeping up hope. There is one that has a low priority though, and that's a fic for the book "Firebrand" in the Green Rider series in which Zachary and Estora have consensual but very bad (and from Zachary's side unwanted) sex. I started it because their dynamic was so uncomfortable in that book, everyone acting as if everything was alright, even Zachary himself, and I wanted to explore what I felt was an approach more true to the emotional reality of the situation.

What are your writing strengths? Introspection and emotions. Also, landscapes and travel logistics, I think. But I'd be interested to hear other people's opinions on that, obviously.

What are your writing weaknesses? Dialogue. I'm used to writing introspection. I love lingering in the internal thoughts and feelings of my POV character, and since that's the kind of role play writing I've done for almost 10 years now, I'm good at it (and in German, I can do it subtly). But it doesn't lend itself to the rhythm a good dialogue needs to have, so I always struggle with that. I should try to get more into theatre.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I'd do it if it fit my story, but I have strong feelings about how to do it. It has to fit the situation and the characters, and having dialogue in another language than the fic is a stylistic choice that tells us something about the POV character and the other characters. So you'd have to do it very deliberately. Also, I'm particular about bilingualism and accents. Mostly, I don't show accents in written speech, especially when it's not something the characters would notice. A good example of how I use other languages and accents of other languages in fics would be "What we're made of", my trans Viktor Krum story. I wrote it from his point of view, so of course he doesn't notice his own accent in English, how his pronounciation differs from, e.g., Hermione's. In his dialogue, I write him making grammar mistakes I think a native speaker of Bulgarian could make in English (extrapolating from my experience of Bulgarians speaking German, adapted to English grammar), but in his internal thoughts, I use normal English grammar because he thinks in grammatically correct Bulgarian, even though I don't comment on it.

First fandom you wrote for? The very first I wrote for was some horse girl book I had as a child. The first I published were for Harry Potter.

Favourite fic you’ve written? To Serve the Sacred, a very niche Mass Effect Andromeda worldbuilding fic from the POV of a Kett soldier, a view into the internal politics and religion of the Kett, which are the (on the surface generic) bad guys of the game. There's a lot of implied lore, and I'm exploring that. I still want to write an continuation of the game in which I'd explore it even more, as I have a big interconnected headcanon for why they are the way they are. Anyway, that fic has 21 hits and 3 kudos, but I'm immensely proud of it.

I'm tagging @shakespearerants @freizusein @hermitknut @astronicht and @weatheredlaw - and as always, anyone who wants to do this! Seriously, I mean it (as you can see from the fact that I wasn't tagged personally, either).

[6lack6allerina]

February 2023 Recap

What I learned in February 2023:

I learned not to count on next month being any easier! We had plumbing issues that cost us $600 right off the bat, along with a dog attack! I'm okay, and I now have met so many of my new neighbors.

This month I started feeling very serious about becoming a mother soon. I started reading a book called Spirit Babies. I am laser focused on cherishing the next few months with my husband traveling, and riding roller coasters while we can. I also read The Alchemist, and that really changed my perspective on life moving forward.

I also started gardening a lot in preparation for the first spring in our new home. I've planted hundreds of flower seeds all over, and I am excited to see them bloom in March or April. They will serve as a good reminder that planning ahead, and putting the work in will yield beautiful rewards.

What I accomplished in February 2023:

We caught up on all of our bills, and invoices.

We had a great Valentine's Day outing.

I did have a great outing on Galentine's that resulted in a last minute concert, and bar.

My Florida trip got pushed to March, but I did see my siblings in San Antonio.

I did get Chanel shoes, and an emerald necklace for my birthday.

What surprised me in February 2023:

The Mavs trading for Kyrie. I did not realize how cool of a person him, and his partner are. That's why I read The Alchemist. I've also been watching his partners Youtube channel because her videos are super informative on motherhood.

I'm surprised by how much I've grown and matured since my last birthday. A year ago I never would've believed the house we bought, having an employee, and talking about kids.

The days I remember best in February 2023:

My sweet sister making a basket in her pregame warm ups. It warmed my heart seeing her smile with a sense of pride when she made it!

Having margaritas at Taco Heads with my husband on my birthday / national margarita day. Plus the free tequila shots. It was bittersweet because I was leaving the next day for San Antonio.

Seeing Leon Bridges in a club while with my friends. Cringing at myself for asking for a selfie.

Walking through showrooms in Dallas with my husband dreaming about furnishing our home. Grateful to have a husband who has the same tastes as me.

The person who played a huge role in my February 2023:

My husband for financing the entire month for pretty much nothing in return.

The Find Guru on YouTube ramping me up and getting me excited and prepared for motherhood. Encouraging me to take better care of myself.

My best, and worst moment of February 2023:

My best moment was visiting my siblings, playing with them for a few days outside in the country. Making a positive impact on their lives makes me feel really good.

My worst moment was again losing patience with my husband and saying mean things to him because I couldn't empathize with how he was feeling. For some reason I felt really triggered anytime I came home from work, or being out. I really wanted to be out of the house a lot. Rescheduling my birthday trip threw a huge wrench in our schedule and this month was by far way more stressful than last but especially on my husband. I was a little selfish with him this month. Luckily, we talked it out and I think I can go an entire month without arguing too bad. (Keep in mind we own a company together and see each other 24/7.)

What I wish I had done differently in February 2023:

I wish I didn't schedule Austin for so much filming. He worked literally every single day this month other than maybe Valentine's. I wish I had the nerve to say no more this month. It's hard with money, and wanting to go on trips. Our vacation getting cancelled really sucked, and ruined the entire month for my husband.

What I stopped doing in February 2023:

I stopped reacting when I get work text messages and emails. I look at them at face value. If there is a problem, I am honest about it because there his nothing I can do to change it. For example, because I learned overbooking was so horrible this month I can't feel guilty about giving somebody an appointment that's 3 weeks out. If they get upset it's their own fault for not contacting me sooner. I can't let this affect my life any worse in March. I also started posting to Instagram more instead of worrying what my clients might think if I'm out having fun and not working.

I only went to the gym twice the entire month.

What I started doing in February 2023:

I started to take 1-2 photography jobs for March because I could use the money for our roller coaster trips. I raised my prices to make them worth my time.

Goals I'd like to achieve in March 2023:

More clean eating, and cooking.

Florida trip. Already scheduled for this weekend!

Spoiling my husband without resentment.

Camping with friends.

Spend more time with grandma.

Busch Gardens Virginia would be an insane stretch!

Happy and Healthy is next month's theme!

[hannahleekuhn]

31 and Figuring It Out

In March I got laid off. I had been working for the same company in a flexible position, that I loved, for nine years. In the time since my layoff I have been working solely as a freelance photographer and spending most of my time applying to jobs and playing trad wife at home. Not to say I haven't appreciated my first real summer in almost a decade, while also noting that I haven't really spent all that much time outside or playing with my friends while dreading the return to the classroom......but again I am 31 so life wouldn't feel like my childhood summers. I am fully ready to never clean another dish or do another load of laundry again, but I hear that's a lifelong thing too. Oh well.

The photography has been rewarding, I have more time to connect with clients and be more hands on in planning and communication. Editing has been happening faster and I find the pacing of the editing easier when I don't have to fit it into every single evening after working full time. The problem is once the winter hits, I don't have another wedding for 6 months and 6 months without an income is a huge, giant, super super scary upcoming deadline.

I've applied to so many different things, have hardly got any responses. I've had 1 interview, which didn't even seem like they were interviewing me for a job, just trying to find out information about a competing company. And with all of the rejections saying I have too much experience, not enough experience, or just the automated response email that says I didn't pass the pre-screening.....as a neurodivergent human it's hitting pretty hard emotionally. Not to mention my partner who is financially paying for every single bill we have and it's still not enough for us to break even every month....helllllllo guilt. It's a lot.

I got rejected for an $18/h cleaning job because I had no prior experience in cleaning professionally and I am starting to really understand why people are so angry they went to college. I mean I was told over and over and over growing up that to have a degree from a 4-year university and to get good grades and have honors and internships under my belt would guarantee steady employment for the rest of my life. HA. I'm not trying to be pessimistic either, I still fully believe I can get a job and the right one is out there, I just haven't found it yet. Or maybe it hasn't found me yet. The problem is there are plenty of jobs that would hire me on the spot, in fields I have no experience in, and the catch......they still wouldn't cover our bills or allow me the flexibility I need to still be running my business, which I have clients booked in for weekdays/weekends for months still to come, so I need something flexible.

Everyone has been so kind, my friends and family are all giving me links to any jobs they see that suit me and my experience, even some jobs that don't. They all empathize and are looking out for me, and so far I still have nothing to show for it. I'm starting to really doubt myself as a person, a partner and even just a member of society. Losing my job felt like losing a piece of myself that I loved so much and relied on mentally and emotionally.

If anyone by chance reads this and is hiring for $25/h I can do photography, graphic work, editing, social media, brand management, merchandising, design for email campaigns, I've designed layouts for catalogs, production work......heck i'll even answer calls and emails you don't want to do. I also can nanny or house sit or walk your dog or mow your lawn. At this point I'll organize all your Tupperware in the kitchen. Seriously. I live in Minneapolis if that helps anyone.

Okay now I do sound desperate. I know. I am doing my meditations and affirmations and still applying to everything that could work. I just feel lost. I hope this phase of my life leads to something better. I am really tired of struggling to maintain the world I built as it crumbles down around me. The bricks are heavy and cost too much.

[dragonstepp]

Sometimes you can't

win for losing. My apartment complex (assisted housing) recently dropped its lease with Spectrum to get some other internet, but I chose to keep Spectrum since I like the organization, and my internet and Wifi and landline phone are all connected to it. But when I got my first bill, it was $184.00, which I can hardly afford on my social security, so I called and dropped the entertainment package. It brought my bill down to $115.00, but then I discovered that cut out my TCM (I love the old movies). So I signed up for it again, and that is when I learned that I had basically put me into another entertainment package. Since I like ESPN, I need to keep it. That makes my present costs $157.00.

So today I decided on Spectrum free movies to watch Dark Winds. When I clicked on it, I found out I have to pay for each individual episode. I have not looked to see how much that was going to cost me. I cannot pay for it yet until I get another socsec payment on the 3rd. Oh no!!!!

Anyway, I have to find out how much it will cost me. That is because in reading a write-up about it that it was based on the John Hillerman books, mysteries about the Navajo (Dineh, the Navajo word for The People, and which is how they identify with. I have always adored the Navajo (Dineh), and had the privilege of meeting a few when I was living in Vegas. I have also read almost all of the Hillerman books. I was able to watch a documentary about the series.

The actors who play most of the Navajo police force have facial hair. The Dineh do not have facial hair. So they have had to shave their faces to play Jim Leaphorn, Chee,Dand several other characters. But otherwise, they are true to the characters. Since I have not had a chance to watch any of the 14 episodes (2 seasons so far), I do not yet know how well they follow the books. But they are shooting the series in Navajo Nation, including a lot of shots of Shiprock (Tse bida'ki = The Winged Rock). Their legend has it that the Dineh lived on a lower level of Earth, and were in wars with other Native American tribes, so they climbed up a plants, got up on Tse bida'ki, and flew to New Mexico). It is a sacred monument in Monument. Valley (the part in New Mexico). It represents a big bird, its sacred colours are red, black, white, and yellow, it's rocks are jet, turquoise, and a couple of other stones related to the red, white and yellow - look it up on Google - just type in Shiprock.. Fascinating information.

The actors spoke about having to learn the Navajo language, and they used a lot of the Dineh folks as extras, who speak the language. I once had a dictionary of the Navajo language, but returned it to the organization who have offices on Navajo Nation. It was a rather rare book.

So I will be getting the series Dark Wind as soon as I can afford to pay for it. And have to wonder if I am going to be bringing back the high costs of watching it. I guess I am going to have to stop ordering a lot of stuff from Amazon, although with my scooter having limited places to carry stuff, I buy a lot of my foods from Amazon, which means I get it delivered instead of having to carry it hope from the grocery store.

As I said, you sometimes cannot win for losing.

Carol

[survey--s]

588.

When was the last time you got more then eight hours of sleep? Last night. I've been sleeping pretty well lately, actually.

Do you find that people don’t really understand you? lol, this just reminds me of when I was full of teenage angst. I don't really think anyone is that complicated.

Is there anyone in your life that you wish you were closer to?  I mean, there are people I wish I could spend more time with but it's not for lack of trying, it's just that work gets in the way ha.

Would you say you are a gullible person?  No, not really.

Are you one to swear often? Yeah, I swear a fair bit but I am capable of controlling it when needed.

Have you ever sat down and played video games all day? Yeah, I used to game a fair bit when I was younger, but now I'm more likely to spend all day messing about online.

What is one thing in your life that is no longer there, that you miss? Horse riding. My instructor had to stop teaching and I really miss it. I used to love my weekly lessons.

What do you believe is the best thing about being a kid?  Not having to worry about money or bills or the future.

What flavor Dum-Dum is your favorite?  Is a Dum-Dum like a lollipop? I like raspberry or cola flavours.

What is the last book you read/are reading? Did you/are you enjoying it?  I can't remember the last time I read a book, to be quite honest. It's just not something I really enjoy doing anymore.

Are you on a laptop or a desktop right now?  Laptop.

If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go; why?  I'm honestly happy enough being here, it's been a busy week.

Have you ever trusted someone you wish you wouldn’t have?  I guess so.

Have you ever been on a picnic?  Sure, loads of times.

Which is better tea or coffee?  Coffee as a general rule, but sometimes nothing beats a cup of tea.

Do you own an umbrella? I do, but I couldn't tell you where it is or when I last used it lol.

Do you like the ocean?  I love the beach/ocean. It's definitely my happy place.

Is there anyone that you wish you were with right now?  Nope.

Who was the last person you hung out with?  Mike.

What animal cracker is your favorite?  We don't have animal crackers over here.

Is there anything you’re currently holding back?  No.

Do you like your smile?  Not particularly.

Have you ever watched something on the TV that truly disturbed you? Sure, various things over the years.

Are you scared of needles? No.

Is your current cell phone out of date?  I guess it is as it's two years old, but it still works perfectly well.

Have you ever drank milk when it was spoiled?  No, surely you'd be able to smell it?

Would you/have you ever bought a gym membership?  Yeah, my dad got me one as a student and I also got free membership when I worked at a gym for a while.

Have you ever bought anything on the TV?  No.

Have you ever done something that you knew was wrong?  Sure, but nothing major.

Do you know what all the keys on your keyboard do?  Not off the top of my head, but I'm sure I could figure it out.

What is the last channel you were on, when watching TV?  We don't have live TV. I'm currently watching Amazon Prime.

What is your favourite restaurant?  That depends what kind of food I'm in the mood for.

What is the last thing you spent money on?  Cat toys after Purrlock broke the last lot.

Do you know of anyone who hates you? Not as far as I know, that's pretty extreme lol.

Lose your arm or your leg; Which do you choose?  Probably my arm.

Has an animal ever bit you?  Yes.

Have you ever tripped over your own feet?  Sure, all the time.

Do you ever take out the garbage?  I mean, of course.

Do wash your face thoroughly everyday? Not thoroughly, but I do wash it in the shower everyday.

Would you ever do a ride along with a cop?  I'm pretty sure that's not allowed here.

Are things, in your opinion, overly expensive these days?  Sure, I mean, the UK is fucked now lol.

Where was your last car ride to? Home from work.

Are your nails long?  No.

Have you ever gotten food poisoning?  Yes.

Have you ever had to put a dog to sleep?  No. I've only ever had one pet pass away and that happened so quickly that we couldn't get her to the vets.

What messenger services do you use?  WhatsApp and Messenger, and DM's on Instagram.

Have you ever lost someone important to you?  Sure, that's life.

Do you change your myspace page often?  Ha, I miss MySpace.

Are you listening to music currently? Nope, I'm watching TV.

[doomgazedog]

need to yell about health somewhere so its gonna be here

I think I've hit rock bottom with my hypermobility. I have always felt like strengthening didn't work for me and often made me worse. I think I just haven't found the right program, so I basically gave up. After I hurt my ankle last fall, I've barely walked at all all winter (the cold is what caused the injury to begin with, so walking in the cold was not an option). I stopped going to PT after the holidays bc I knew covid would spike again. SO I've just deteriorated even further. Nothing involved with my SI joint or pelvis will hold together now. I am in constant pain. Corrections aren't working. My upper back is also a mess, likely because of the former.

I reached out to other hypermobile folks and was told to try the muldowney protocol, so we got the book and I'm going to do my best to follow it religiously by myself. It highly recommends working with a PT, and OH how I wish I could, but I don't know if anyone in town even knows the muldowney method, and even if so, I only trust one place to require masks anymore. I'm going in on Thursday as i still have leftover credits from spraining my ankle, just to see if they can help me with corrections so I can get some relief, but I will ask about the protocol too.

The trouble is I'm losing my medicaid sometime soon (april at the soonest) bc the government is cutting off millions of us now that the pandemic is """over""". The ins plan I'm supposed to be on after that doesn't cover my preferred PT. Of course. Going anywhere else will mean risking what's left of my life with every visit and I'm not willing to do that. So my options are get a really expensive mktplace ins so PT is "only" $30/visit, or go with deers work ins and only go to PT on an emergency basis and pay out of pocket, working at home on my own to try to fix myself. Not looking forward to any of this.

Meanwhile we've ordered a basic PT table, body pillow, and some PT tools so I can get started on my own. I'm afraid I'm going to experience more pain and inflammation for awhile, leaving me potentially unable to work, exacerbating financial issues after I already owed a couple thou more in taxes than I expected. But I don't really have a choice! In addition to the protocol, I'm going to start doing qi gong every morning and trying to walk down the street and back and slowly build up my walking time again now that it's warming up. I have to stop bending for now. Just a real mess and a lot of work ahead but I am really hoping I can handle this myself because I kind of have to.

It's all a bit traumatic. I grew up not having proper healthcare and really didn't have consistent care til the medicaid expansion, and now we're too far over the poverty line (which is a joke.. making like 24k a year, which the govt takes like 13% of, doesn't mean i can magically afford medical bills). Where is the M4A?? I am so tired of crying both from pain and the stress of my healthcare situation.

[crucifixes-and-chrysanthemums]

I need a new job.

It's not the workload that bothers me. It's not really the pay, either - I'm not becoming a millionaire, obviously, but it's enough to pay my bills.

It's the fucking uncertainty. The wonder if every day will be the next time someone no shows and I get left holding the bag.

That's sort of a running theme I've been thinking of lately - certainty. I need my regulation, schedules, itineraries. Reliability. The only thing I really like about my job is the regularity. Certain customers, regulars. Good conversation, a level of slightly below surface level investment in lives. I do not like people who are unreliable. Am I reliable? Yes. As far as a friend, confidant, compatriot and comrade, I am reliable.

Is it related to fear of losing control? Yes, I'm sure it is. But I wouldn't consider myself a control freak. In the right situations, I'm fine with going with the flow. As long as someone or someones is is control, I'm fine. Whether someone else is picking the itinerary, or if group momentum is leading, fine. As long as it's being lead.

Case in point, regarding losing control: I lectored Mass yesterday. Normally, I go out, make sure the book is where it's supposed to be, announcements and intentions properly ordered, etc. I didn't do that Sunday. I get up to read... Ribbon wasn't in the book. Thanks be to God Fr. Sly knows how it's organized and came over and helped, but still. This reinforces something that can become unhealthy - I must be vigilant of this. It is not bad to be in control, nor to fear losing control, generally. It is bad to do so in excess, though.

Em and I are going to go to Las Vegas this year, perhaps. Some time in May, we think. I mentioned something about going there once. She said she'd like to visit, something about it's booming. I said, fuck it, let's go together. And she laughed and said alright. So I've already begun scouting things out, prices, places to go, things to do. It's nice to have something to look forward to. I should plan a vacation each summer, even something small. It gives me something to focus on, and I do like planning.

My snuff arrived today and I find it quite good. Jip!, Gold eagle Spear-Me Not, Gold Eagle Raspberry whatever, and McChrystal's. All quite good, though a little moist. They clump up a bit. I will have to find some drier ones. The flavors are good. The menthol is very nice. Refreshing. I feel it helps clear my sinuses a bit.

Sometimes I get to wondering if my friends don't actually like me. Owen texted me the other day asking if I wanted to come play cards at Alex's. Not Alex, Owen. From conversation Ive understood this isn't uncommon for them to get together and play. It's well established I don't like playing euchre, but fuck, it would be nice if you'd ask me as a matter of course. Em said to be positive about it instead of negative - perhaps they see it as wasting my time if they ask, knowing I'll say no. I am trying to think more this way.

I'm trying to be more positive, generally. My negative emotions snowball a lot, I've noticed, and I don't like it. If I'm already annoyed or angry or negative, it's much easier to make it worse, and harder to make it better. Maybe more journaling will help with that. I'll start closing out with three good things about each day at the end of every journal, and I'll do so mentally at the end of each day. I'll also end each journal with intentions for the week, and begin next week's meditating on them.

Before I forget, I am trying to let this sink in, and remember it more.

"Surviving in our society is difficult enough without me fantasizing about a hypothetical hardmode."

Three positive things about today: I had some tasty soup in the morning, my bed is nice and comfy, and I got to talk to Em.

Intentions: consider my feelings on control. Gather a few ideas for what to do in Las Vegas. Play with Hendrix.

10:44pm, Monday, January 9th, 2023.

[izzyspussy]

Hello, I'm here. I'm here to chime. I'm not going to give anyone what they wanted, but I am going to give a lot of it. Hi.

So @jamiesfootball I bet you probably don't care that much, but you posted this and you encouraged me in the notes, so now i-get-to-tell-you-about-this-you-will-regret-this.jpg (could not find this image for love or money).

Okay so, the Shining is left ambiguous - as it should be! - in terms of, like, what the fuck it is / why it happens / how it works. But the basics (according to my interpretation) are that it's sort of like a little bit of Extra Stuff in your soul region that - to Things that can see it (like Pennywise the "clown") - literally shines. Sort of like a halo, maybe! And it comes with the set ability to sort of empathically bond with other people who have it, plus a magical-realist skill(set) that is different for everyone. It also makes you tastier/more satisfying to Things like Pennywise. And I didn't read or watch Dr. Sleep because I honestly hated The Shining, but from what I understand other human beings can steal your Shining to become more powerful too.

So we've got the OG The Shining kid, Daniel, whose gift is to see the dead. I don't really understand what happens in The Shining - in part because I hated it, in part vice versa - but as far as I can tell basically the Overlook Hotel is a kind of liminal space where the past, present, and future, semi-coexist thus making it quite severely haunted. Daniel and Jack (his father, the all-work-no-play guy with the ax) can see the victims and environmental circumstances from Before, as well as some details of the possible immediate future. Daniel also bonds with an adult who also has the Shining, and they communicate empathically over a great distance when Daniel knows he's in danger and there's no mundane way to get help.

Then we have the titular Carrie. Her Shining gift is telekenesis. Pretty straightforward gift, so to keep it funky fresh we've got a Price to go along with it (I mean they all do, but this one is the most Blatant) - which is that Carrie loses touch with her higher reasoning capabilities in direct proportion to how much of her Shining she's using. Slippery slope type of shit, right, where she just wants to use it a little bit and she knows she has to be careful, but when she uses it a little bit she forgets why she can only use it a little bit, and so on. She didn't mean to murder everyone, I cannot stress this enough, she literally just wanted to set the sprinklers off.

Now, let's get into the Lucky Seven/the Losers' Club from IT. These guys' Shinings are more ambiguous than the previous two's probably in large part because they themselves do not know that the Shining exists much less that they all have it. To their perception, there are kids who are Like Them and kids who aren't, and that's that. They're semi-aware that they have gifts, but not in a way that they know there's something in particular that's Special about them. Aside from Eddie, who has a preternaturally perfect sense of direction which is directly plot relevant, what their gifts actually are is pretty open to interpretation.

Thus, my interpretation is as such: Ben has a preternatural understanding of how things are put together (imo the second-most canonically clear gift), Richie has preternatural vocal mimicry (a common other theory is that he has the same ability as Daniel but is lucky enough to not be trapped in a liminal haunted hotel), Bill has a preternatural power of persuasion, Stan has preternaturally perfect recall, and I actually don't have any ideas for Bev and Mike (I've not read the entirety of the book, because I... also hated it alsjfksk, Stephen King is my Enemy but his concepts - usually, and up to a certain point aksjf - slap).

Anyway! So the Shining is a very fun thing to play with, and imo it has the same AU utility as like, say, HDM daemons. I assume it's not as popular because it's from an adult-only IP set and also because it makes even less sense. But with your help

It also makes a great fantastical stand-in for neurodivergence, and in fact a lot of the Losers have canonical neurodivergencies to go along with their Shining. Bill has a speech impediment, Stan has OCD and an unspecified reading/learning disability, Eddie has germaphobia and substance abuse disorder, etc. And obviously they all end up with PTSD for clown reasons.

So on that note, if I was going to write a TL Shining AU, Jamie would certainly be one of the characters I gave the Shining to. (It wouldn't be out of pocket to give them all the Shining, but I like to be selective and keep it special, personally.) Other sure-fire Shining havers for me would be Nate, Ted, and Beard, tbh. Roy would be a distinct possibility. And uhh... let's say Dani and Colin (some precedent shows the Shining can easily be a fantastical stand-in for sexual diversity as well; Carrie and Bev both have traumatic experiences that unique-ify their sexualities, and Richie and Eddie are both implicitly queer - until the recent movies, which made Richie explicitly queer).

It's interesting to consider whether the more unique Shining gift for people is natural or nurtured. Like, does Carrie have telekenisis because she's so powerless and distanced from her peers and environment otherwise? Does Eddie have his magical sense of direction because he loves cars and trains and going fast? Or does he love cars and trains and going fast because of his sense of direction? Or are they not directly connected at all? Does Richie like doing impressions because his Shining makes him so good at it, or did his Shining develop to let him be good at it? Chicken, egg, etc.

I bring that up because if it's the latter, I think I'd probably give Jamie the same Shining as Carrie - which maybe is on the same general wavelength as anon. Or maybe not what the fuck do I know. Either way, though, I wouldn't want it to be too on the nose re: football (despite how incredibly on the nose Eddie, Richie, and Ben's gifts are to their careers; just not my style).

I'd probably also give Ted the same Shining as (my interpretation of) Bill. Actually, as I'm writing this I'm realizing what remarkably similar characters they are - except, in a metaphorical shorthand, Bill went with the tragedy mask and Ted went with the comedy mask.

Anyway, re: Carrie and Jamie in a room together, I actually think they'd get along! They'd have a vibe a lot like Carrie and Tommy (her prom date) do. Tommy's a bit weirded out by her and how naive/awkward/morbid she is, and she's intimidated by his sexuality and popularity, but they are both really very sweet and eventually bond quite deeply. In Jamie's case I don't think he'd even be weirded out by her, but he might be a little more aggressive with trying to get her out of her shell / deprogramming her from her abuse than Tommy was (because Tommy didn't know why she was like that, and also because he didn't have any other Weird Girls in his life, whereas Jamie has plenty of experience on both counts lmao).

Once again I don't know how to end the post. This time not because I don't have anything else to say.

I think we should stick Jamie Tartt and Carrie White in a room.

Ngl I had to look up who Carrie White is and now I'm terrified of Jamie Tartt being anywhere near a universe where the shining is real.

I am not the person to tackle this I have not Stephen-ed my Kings enough to know the lore. Open offer if someone else would like to chime in tho