#ALSO FORGIVE THE ONE ON THE LAST THING. that specific image set that its from always throws me off because of how hidden things are

[pyrriax]

hai tumblr! fruits of my effort (practicing! i havent really done stuff like this before so some things are janky as hell ^_^)

[objects were done like fifteen minutes before the figures... they were my warmup!]

[noahsbookhoard]

📚March 2024 Book Review (Part 2/2)📚

Last post for March and there is only good and really really good books here!

The Tragedy of Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare

Shakespeare famous telling of Julius Caesar's last days, the conspiration against him and the aftermath of his assassination.

In honor of the Ides of March I finally read Shakespeare's Julius Caesar. It's always fun reading a new Shakespeare play as someone who didn't grew up in an Anglo-Saxon culture: every time you fall on one quote and get to say "oh, THAT'S where the idiom comes from!". The fault in our stars, e tu brute... I didn't know they were Shakespeare's before (growing up I've always heard Caesar's last words being "Tu quoque fili" (you as well my son) and that's apparently from a 18th century biography)

Overall it's a good play although it's not my favourite. I especially love Mark Anthony's funeral speech (it is well know for a good reason). Plays are always best appreciated live so if anyone knows a good scene or film adaptation I'd love to see it!

Veiller sur elle by Jean-Baptiste Andrea

Mimo (short for Michelangelo) is a poor yet extremely talented sculptor, Viola is the clever and adventurous daughter of the rich Orsini family. These two that nothing destined to meet will quickly become the closest friends, but this friendship is put to test with the rise of Mussolini.

Mandatory French literature read and second book of my adventures in Goncourt land! This one is a total succes and I'm glad I finally picked it up after glaring at the red "Prix Goncourt 2023" dustsleeve as if it might bite. I was also hesitant because of the period: WWII and fascism can be very interesting themes to explore in a novel but I read one too many where it was token-ish and just a convenient setting. Nevertheless I read very few book about Italy under Mussolini so I gave it a go.

From page one the style took my breath away. It's funny (he describes coming back to Italy as "Welcoming it with open arms" before clarifying that he tripped getting off the train and fell flat, face first on the platform, the image stuck with me) and it's tender, it's hard sometimes but Mimo's life is and it doesn't sugarcoat it.

This is the story of two souls that were meant to met but found each other and never let go. Mimo and Viola can lose contact for years and meet back again as if the saw each other yesterday. There's nothing they can't forgive the other, no matter how terrible. And they will do and say some truly awful things to each other because they are trying to adjust to a world that grows faster and madder every day. But in the end the two friends will always be there for each other, looking after ("veiller sur" in french) each other. It felt like reading about my best friend and me sometimes, it was touching. I appreciated that it never ever was even a mention of romantic feelings between Mimo and Viola, to me it made all the tenderness and softness between them even more endearing that there was no ambiguity in it.

The story is told in alternate between Mimo as an old man dying in a monastery and Mimo as a child then a young man, both are in Mimo's point of view. There is a mystery of sort, too: when the sculptor moved in the monastery he asked specifically to be near her. And this feminine figure is shrouded in secrecy, no one can see her, only the abbot has the key, because she is said to turn people mad. As the story unfolds there are more hints but never any physical description, up until the very end and a really good twist that pulls together the past and present memories of Mimo. I felt like I should have seen it coming. I might have cried a bit too.

A huge book crush, I am currently lobbying at home to have my sister and mother read it. And I hope it gets translated because I want so hard people to enjoy that book as much as I did.

All System Red (Murderbot Diaries #1) by Martha Wells

The diary of a Security Unit Cyborg who overrode its programming and preferes watching soap operas to working. However the scientifc expedition it is assigned to is attacked Murderbot, as it calls itself, will have to involve itself more than it wishes to.

Another serie I started because Tumblr was gushing over it. Also I wanted to get into SciFi which isn't a genre I read much of as a kid. I like my alien and spaceship on TV so there were no reason I wouldn't enjoy it on paper!

In this future projects are handed to the lowest bidder and lowering security is a good way of driving cost down. I could definitely picture it, that's basically how they handle infrastructure and equipment repair at my job! The future is beautiful...

Murderbot is really relatable. I too would love to slack off at work watching series and just checking that things are not going to hell (more than usual) once in a while. It has an interesting balance between the disinterested SecUnit with professional detachment but and the Cyborg who unlocked the emotions its programming had locked down. The awkwardness of the relationship with the human crew was really funny.

I was expecting a full length novel not a novella (my fault entirely for doing my research) so the plot felt very quick. I'll be adjusting my expectations for book 2.

I enjoyed it, it has some really cool character, good world building. I think I missed what everybody found so brilliant about it, and that's definitely on me since this book and several others in the saga where finalist or won the Hugo and Nebula. I'll probably read the next book, as of the time of writing this post it is on the TBR.

The Remarkable Retirement of Edna Fischer by E M Anderson

83 year old Edna Fischer is as surprised as anybody when a wizard comes to her nursing home with an announcement: Edna is the Chosen One, the woman who will save the Kights from the dangerous Sorcerer who rages for months in the land. Armed with her knitting needle and her cane, she will have to face this fight and maybe find it is not so black and white as she thought.

I was drawn to this book for this prompt alone: the Chosen One is not another teenager, it is an old woman in flowery dress and knitted cardigan. This was nothing I had ever read, although there is among the cast of character ye old smart mouth 17 year old. I was also surprised to find it was more of an urban fantasy that the traditional medieval setting but if your hero is an octogenarian you might as well have her fight dragons in a city!

I really liked all the little twists on the genre's cliché: those I had as a reader (the Sword of Destiny, the Big Final Fight...) and those other characters had that helped the main cast (or sometimes caused them more trouble).

Edna was believable as an old woman, healthy but with the difficulty of old age. She is kind, patient, compationate. I would have wanted her as a grandma. Yet she is also determined and won't let people walk on her toes. There is some good ideas to circumvent those mobility issue (Edna would NOT have been able to trek and sleep in camps) that makes also for some very nice companions and side quests.

Some elements were somewhat predictable but still deeply enjoyable. I especially liked that there was some chapter with the Sorcerer's point of view, which isn't usual in this type of novel. It really sets everything up for the ending (i won't say more than that.)

In conclusion a really good read, a nice twist on a genre and the chance to picture YOUR granny fighting a dragon (there is a physical description of Edna but I couldn't help imagining my own grandmother). I think the author is on tumblr? At least that's where I first heard of thos book. If I can find the url I'll add it here.

[rui-drawsbox]

i saw that you animate using krita? i use krita too but im not really familiar with how to. animate. at all. i was just wondering how you do it (like basic steps or smth!!) you dont have to reply to this ask at all if its annoying tho!!

hoho yes ifc i love talking about myself and the things i do hehehe★★★

still i dont guarantee any type of quality bc 1. Im bad at explaining things in general 2. im no english grammar expert haha 3. tbh the only parts of krita i understand are the basic animations, i dont even know how to configure the cube haha and 4. it's 1AM, it's the second time i write all of this bc i did ctrl+z in accident and 90% of the mf post dissapeared and im goddam furious hahahaha.

now, with no more further ado, lets begin with my class!

First of all, i recommend you to save your workspace and put the Animation one that come by default, right here:

Looks a little messy, right? Worry not! Just configure everything in the Dockers until you're satisfied: (yes i dont have windows activated, fightme microsoft)

Now, i always use the default Animation Template (Animation-Japanese-En), but they usually come with lots of layers/groups that we don't really need, so i always delete them until the Layout Paper is the only group. Then i create a group for the Characters and another layer for the backgrounds (we'll get there later!)

And before actually getting in the timeline and shi, letme explain two points, they're important i swear!

Onion Skins menu: (at the right bottom of the screen)

Here you can configure all that has to do with seeing the past/next frame in the timeline for when you're drawing. The bars show how many past/future frames you want to see and their opacity, you can also change their colors. Once you're done with the config, you can just close it, to open it again just use the weird striped drop shaped button or choose it from the Dockers.

And the Animation Settings menu: at the right of the Onion Skins button.

Here you can see the starting frame from your project and the last one, but we're focusing in the Frame Rate. It comes with 24 FPS by default, but for simple animatics like mines 8 FPS are more than enough.

Now, going with the actual animation things.

To start drawing you don't actually need to make a first frame, but i think is more practical make that type of start an habit to yk, dodge bad moments haha

This move also works for imported images, since they come as layers and we need to make them actual frames by creating another frame at their right.

Talking about imported images, all my backgrounds are done in Sai2 since i feel more comfortable drawing there haha.

When we import more than one image, they become separated layers, and to combine them all in one we must make them frames and move all to one timeline (?)

+ if you dont pin the layer in the timeline they dissapear from it, but you can just select it again from the layer menu and they will appear again (you gotta pin it so they dont go).

now some personal preferences,,, i don't actually organize my timeline in any specific way, the only thing i want is having all the important layers at the display, so i re-use layers for different things (like the arashi/izumi layer is also used for tsukasa's hair that i forgot to draw in the first scene haha)

Still, to simplify and organize things a little more you can always color the timeline as you want, selecting a single frame or many as you want!

My last tip is that Copy a Keyframe is nOT the same as Clone one. Copy will make them a complete separate frame, while Cloning one will make them into another frame, but whatever you do will affect the original frame. I learned that by force :)

That's all i honestly know about animating in Krita, in terms of theory i have no idea what im doing 120% of the time, so forgive me if its messy or hard to understand hahaha.

That's all! 2AM! It only took me one hour to re-write all of that letsgoo

Seeya★★

With love, Rui, almost having a breakdown for pressing ctrl z ★★★★

[rb13art]

Lore of Tellus Two: Planetary Energy

It's been a while since I've posted anything in regard to my series so I decided to further explain the power system within this world as a continuation of my last lore dump. Once again I'm not the best writer so forgive me if things get a little confusing lol.

Keep reading if you'd like more details for each panel as well as in-depth explanations on the specifics of each type of power.

Panel One: "On Tellus, every life has an intrinsic connection to the planet itself. The Planet's energy makes up the very soul of every living thing"

The main setting of this series is on a planet named Tellus. The people of Tellus revere the Planet as their creator (hence the capital "P" whenever referring to Tellus as "the Planet"). They believe that all life comes from the Planet, and all life returns to it upon death.

Tellus radiates a special kind of energy that exists within all living things who call it home. This energy is believed to manifest itself as an individual's soul.

Panel Two: "This lifeforce can be harnessed and materialized by its owner for a plethora of uses. As the people of Tellus honed their power and deepened their understanding of this lifeforce, they named it "Planetary Energy" (PE)"

Since before recorded history, the people of Tellus had found a way to materialize their own souls for several purposes. In ancient times, individuals had given this lifeforce many names. But in the modern era, masters and scholars across the globe have settled on the name "Planetary Energy" or "PE" in honor of its source.

Panel Three: "Planetary Energy stems from the soul itself, so it is a reflection of humanity. Because of this, it comes in several varieties that reflect aspects of life on Tellus. While about half of PE users lack a specific aspect within their energy, some users are born with an inherent connection to one of ten unique forms, each tied to a certain color of light."

Since the soul comes from the Planet and it's energy, this energy is directly tied 10 aspects of humanity. As shown with the images below, these are Harmony, Instinct, Pride, Willpower, Justice, Independence, Passion, Truth, Unity, and Control. While these exist in every person on Tellus, some Planetary Energy users have a strong sense for one of the ten in specific. This manifests by changing the color of individual's PE. (Example: Someone with red PE is attuned to Justice). Those who are not attuned to any aspect have what is called "Clear Energy" or "Basic Energy".

An individual is born with a certain type of PE, this cannot be changed. It seems that an individual's PE can be inherited from their parents, but it's not uncommon for a child to have a completely different type from their parents. There are also individuals who seem to lack the ability to physically manifest their PE despite every living thing having it within their soul. The people are referred to by the term "Low Energy".

Below are in-depth explanations of all eleven PE types and their associated colors. They arranged from most common to least common Planetary Energy types.

[bailey-writes]

So You Want Your OC to be Jewish

So you’re writing a story and you want to make a Jewish character—great! I’m here to help. I always want more Jewish representation but I want good Jewish representation, so this is my attempt to make a guide to making a Jewish character. What are my credentials? I’m Jewish and have been my whole life. Obligatory disclaimer that this is by no means comprehensive, I don’t know everything, all Jews are different, and this is based on my experiences as an American Jew so I have no idea, what, if any, of this applies to non-American Jews. 

If there’s anything you want me to make a post going more into detail about or if there’s anything I didn’t mention but you want to know please ask me! I hope this is helpful :) Warning, this is long.

Jew PSA

If you are Jewish you can use the word Jew(s), e.g. “She’s dating a Jew.” If you are not Jewish you cannot use the word Jew(s). This is not up for debate. Non-Jews calling us Jews has a negative connotation at best. Don’t do it and don’t have your characters do it.

Basics, Plus My Random Thoughts that Didn’t Fit Anywhere Else

A confusing enduring issue is, what is Judaism? It’s a religion, but some Jews aren’t religious; is it a race? A nationality? A culture? A heritage? The only constant is that we are seen as “other.” There’s a lot of debate, which makes it confusing to be Jewish and as such it’s common for Jews to struggle with their Jewish Identity. However many people agree that Jews are an ethnoreligious group, aka Judaism is a religion and an ethnicity.

Temple/Synagogue/Shul = Jewish place of worship. Shul is usually used for Orthodox synagogues.

Keeping kosher = following Jewish dietary rules: meat and dairy can’t be eaten together and you can’t eat pork or shellfish. Fish and eggs are pareve (aka neutral) and can be eaten with meat or dairy (but again not both at the same time.) When eating meat it has to be kosher meat (e.g. kosher Jews are allowed to eat chicken, but not all chicken is kosher. I know it’s kinda confusing I’m sorry.) Kosher products in stores will have symbols on them to identify them as kosher. If someone is kosher they’ll probably have separate sets of utensils/plates/cookware/etc. for meat and dairy

Shabbat/Shabbos/Sabbath = holy day of the week, day of rest, lasts from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday. Depending on observance Jews might have Shabbat dinner, attend Shabbat services, or observe the day of rest in its entirety (making them shomer Shabbat)

Someone who is shomer Shabbat will refrain from any of the prohibited activities. These can easily be looked up but include: working, writing, handling money, cooking, and using technology.

Bat/Bar/B’nai Mitvzah = tradition where a Jewish boy/girl becomes a man/woman. Celebrated at 13-years-old for boys, 12- or 13-years-old for girls. Girls have Bat Mitzvahs (bat means daughter in Hebrew), boys have Bar Mitzvahs (bar means son in Hebrew) and twins or two or more people having one together have a B’nai Mitzvah. They will study for this for months and then help lead services and, depending on observance level, read from the Torah. The ceremony is often attended by family and friends and followed with a celebration of sorts (in America usually this means a brunch and/or party.)

Goy/gentile = non-Jew. These words are not slurs, they are literally just words. Plural of goy is goyim and is a Yiddish word, plural of gentile is gentiles.

Jewish holidays follow the Hebrew calendar, meaning that according to the current solar/Gregorian calendar the dates of our holidays are different each year.

Jewish law recognizes matrilineal inheritance. This means that Jewish law states your mother has to be Jewish for you to be Jewish. This is because of reasons from biblical times that I can explain if you wanna come ask, but as you can imagine is a bit outdated. While Orthodox Jews might embrace this idea and only consider someone Jewish if their mom is Jewish, many Jews are more flexible on the idea (and yes, this does cause tension between Orthodox Jews and other Jews at times.)

Judaism =/= Christianity

Some people think Judaism is just Christianity without Jesus (some people don’t even realize we don’t believe in/celebrate Jesus so newsflash, we don’t) and that’s just wrong. Yes both religions share the Old Testament, so they also share some history and beliefs, but the entire ideologies of the religions are different. In brief, they are similar in some ways but are not the same.

What seems to me to be the biggest difference is that Christianity (from what I understand) has a heavy focus on sins, more specifically repenting for/gaining forgiveness for your sins. In Christianity you are born tainted by original sin. In Judaism we believe everyone is born pure and free from sin and everyone is made in God’s image. Judaism has some concept of sin, but doesn’t focus on them and instead focuses on performing Mitzvot (plural, singular form is mitzvah. Direct translation is “commandment” but basically means good deed or act of kindness. It also relates to the commandments, so following the commandments is also performing mitzvot.) Examples of mitzvot include anything from saying a prayer or lighting Shabbat candles to helping a stranger or donating to charity (called tzedakah). One of the main tenets of Judaism is tikkun olam, which directly translates to “repair the world” and means exactly what it says on the tin. Instead of focusing on being forgiven for doing bad Judaism focuses on doing good. The only day we focus on past wrongdoings is Yom Kippur, one of our most holy holidays, discussed below.

Holidays

Rosh Hashanah – The Jewish New Year, occurs around September and lasts for two days, though Reform Jews often only celebrate the first day. Day of happiness and joy, celebrated by eating sweet things for a “sweet new year” (often apples dipped in honey) and circular challah to represent the end of one year and beginning of another. Also celebrated with services and blowing the shofar (rams horn.) Some spend the day in prayer and/or silent meditation. Possible greetings: chag sameach (happy holiday; can be said on almost any holiday), Shana Tovah, or happy new year (which is what Shana Tovah means, some people just say it in English.)

Yom Kippur – Day of Atonement. Occurs ten days after the start of Rosh Hashanah. One of if not the most solemn day for Jews, but also the most holy. The day is spent reflecting on yourself and any past wrongdoings and atoning. The day (sundown the night before to sundown the day of) is spent fasting, a physical way of atoning. We do this in hopes of being “written in the Book of Life” and starting the year with a clean slate. The shofar is blown at the end of the holiday. Most Jews will end the fast with a grand meal with family and friends. Most common greeting is “have an easy fast,” but happy new year is still appropriate.

Sukkot – Celebrates the harvest, occurs on the fifth day after Yom Kippur and lasts seven days. Celebrated by building a temporary hut outdoors called a sukkah and having meals inside it, as well as shaking palm fronds tied together (called a lulav) and holding a citrus called an etrog. Very fun and festive holiday. Possible greetings include chag sameach or Happy Sukkot.

Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah – Some Jews (mostly Reform Jews and Jews living in Israel) combine both holidays into one day while some celebrate them as two separate days. Either way they occur immediately after Sukkot. Shemini Atzeret is similar but separate from Sukkot and features a prayer for rain; Sukkot is not mentioned in prayers and the lulav isn’t shaken but you do eat in the sukkah. Simchat Torah celebrates finishing reading the Torah, which we will then begin again the next day. It’s a festive holiday with dancing and fun. Some Temples will roll the entire Torah out and the children will run under it. Appropriate greeting for both would be chag sameach.

Rosh Hashanah through Simchat Torah are referred to as the High Holidays.

Chanukah – We all know about Chanukah, celebrating the reclaiming of the Second Temple and the miracle of the oil lasting eight days. The most represented Jewish Holiday there is. Unfortunately it’s one of the least significant holidays for us. Occurs around November or December and lasts eight days and nights. Celebrated by lighting candles in the Menorah each night with a prayer and kids usually get gifts each night. Also celebrated with spinning tops called dreidels, fried foods like doughnuts (sufganiyot in Hebrew; usually the jelly filled ones) and potato pancakes called latkes. Greetings: happy Chanukah or chag sameach.

Tu B’Shevat – Birthday of the trees, basically Jewish Arbor Day. Minor but fun holiday, sometimes celebrated by planting trees. Occurs around January or February.

Purim – Celebrates how Queen Esther of Persia defeated Haman and saved her people, the Jews. Occurs in Spring. Festive holiday traditionally celebrated by dressing in costumes, eating sweets, and giving tzedakah (it’s also technically commanded you get drunk so woohoo!) Whenever Haman’s name is mentioned you make a lot of noise, booing and using noisemakers called groggers. Greetings: happy Purim, chag Purim, or chag sameach.

Passover/Pesach – Celebrates the Jews being freed from slavery in Egypt. Occurs in Spring and lasts eight days. The first two nights (some only celebrate the first night) are celebrated with seder, a ritual meal with certain foods, practices, prayers, and readings from a book called the Haggadah and often attended by family and friends. Most famous prayer/song of the holiday is the four questions, which ask why that night is different from all other nights and is traditionally sung by the youngest child at the seder. The entire holiday is spent not eating certain foods, mostly grain or flour (the food restrictions are complicated and differ based on denomination so look it up or ask a Jew.) We eat a lot of matzah during Pesach, which is like a cracker kinda. I personally hate it but some people actually like it. Greetings: happy Passover, chag pesach, or chag sameach.

Tisha B’Av – Anniversary of the destruction of the Temple. Occurs in Summer. Very sad, solemn day. Some celebrate by fasting from sunrise to sunset. Not the most widely celebrated holiday. Some also commemorate the Holocaust (also called the Shoah) on this day as it was the destruction of a figurative temple.

Denominations

There are a bunch of denominations in Judaism, we’ll go into it briefly.

Religious denominations:

Reform/Reformed: This is the least religiously observant level. Often Reform Jews don’t keep kosher or observe Shabbat, their services on Shabbat will use instruments. Reform Jews probably attend services for the high holidays at the very least and probably had a Bat/Bar Mitzvah. Might say they consider themselves more culturally Jewish. Their Temple/Synagogue will be the most “liberal”—aka have more female/diverse Rabbis and a more diverse congregation. I’m Reform and my Temple’s lead Rabbi is a woman and we used to have a Rabbi who’s a queer single mother.

Conservative: More religiously observant and more generally traditional. Might keep kosher or observe Shabbat, but not necessarily. Services likely won’t use instruments (not supposed to play instruments on Shabbat). Most likely had a Bat/Bar Mitzvah, but girls might not read from the Torah, though this depends on the congregation. They do allow female Rabbis, but in my experience it’s less common.

Modern Orthodox: Very religiously observant but also embrace modern society. Will keep kosher and observe Shabbat. Men will wear kippot (singular=kippah) and tzitzit under their shirts. Women will cover their hair (if they’re married), most likely with a wig, and wear modest clothing (only wear skirts that are at least past their knees and long sleeves). Emphasis on continued study of Torah/Talmud. Parents will likely have jobs. Might have larger families (aka more children) but might not. Services will be segregated by gender, girls won’t read from the Torah publicly, and female Rabbis are very rare. Children will most likely attend a religious school. Will attend shul services every Shabbat and for holidays.

note: there are some people who fall somewhere between modern Orthodox and ultra-Orthodox, or between any two denominations really. as you can imagine people don’t all practice the exact same way.

Ultra-Orthodox: Very religiously observant and not necessarily modern. Will keep kosher and observe Shabbat. Men will wear kippot or other head coverings and tzitzit under their shirts, and are also often seen wearing suits. Women will cover their hair (if they’re married) with a wig or scarf and wear modest clothing (only wear skirts that are at least past their knees and long sleeves). Emphasis on continued study of Torah/Talmud. Men might have jobs but might instead focus on Jewish studies, while women most often focus on housework and child-rearing. Don’t believe in contraception (but this is kinda nuanced and depends). Will often have very large families because having children is a commandment and helps continue the Jewish people. Might be shomer negiah which means not touching members of the opposite sex aside from their spouse and some close family members. Services will be segregated by gender, girls won’t read from the Torah publicly, and there won’t be female Rabbis. Children will attend a religious school. Will attend shul services every Shabbat and for holidays.

Ethnic denominations (the different denominations do have some differences in practices and such but tbh I don’t know much about that so this is just the basics):

Ashkenazi: Jews that originate from Central/Eastern Europe. Yiddish, a combination of Hebrew and German, originated from and was spoken by Ashkenazim and while it’s a dying language it’s spoken among many Orthodox Jews and many Jews of all levels know/speak some Yiddish words and phrases. Majority of Jews worldwide are Ashkenazi.

Sephardi/Sephardic: Jews that originate from the Iberian Peninsula, North Africa, and southeastern Europe. Ladino, a combination of Old Spanish and Hebrew, originated from and was spoken by Sephardim. It is also a dying language but is still spoken by some Sephardim. After Ashkenazi most of the world’s Jews are Sephardic.

Mizrahi: Jews that originate from the Middle East and North Africa.

Ethiopian Jews: Community of Jews that lived in Ethiopia for over 1,000 years, though most have immigrated to Israel by now.

Stereotypes/Tropes/Controversies/Etc.

There are so many Jewish stereotypes and shit and I ask you to please be mindful of them. Stereotypes do exist for a reason, so some people will fit stereotypes. This means your character might fit one or two; don’t make them fit all of them. Please. Stereotypes to keep in mind (and steer away from) include:

All Jews are rich.

All Jews are greedy.

All Jews are cheap/frugal.

All Jews are [insert job here]. We’ll go into this more below.

All Jews hate Christians/Muslims/etc.

All Jews are white. 

First of all Ethiopian and Mizrahi Jews exist, many Sephardi are Hispanic, and today with intermarriage and everything this just isn’t true.

All Jews have the same physical features: large and/or hooked nose, beady eyes, droopy eyelids, red hair (this is an old stereotype I didn’t really know existed), curly hair.

Many Jews do have somewhat large noses and curly hair. I’m not saying you can’t give these features to your characters, but I am saying to be careful and don’t go overboard. And don’t give all of your Jewish characters these features. As a side note, it is common at least among American Jews that girls get nose jobs. Not all, but some.

Jews are secretly world elite/control the world/are lizard people/new world order/ any of this stuff. 

STAY AWAY FROM. DO NOT DO THIS OR ANYTHING LIKE THIS. If you have a character that’s part lizard, do not make them Jewish. If you have a character that’s part of a secret group that controls the entire world, do not make them Jewish.

Jews have horns. If you have characters with horns please don’t make them Jewish.

Jews killed Jesus.

The blood libel. Ew. No.

The blood libel is an antisemitic accusation/idea/concept that back in the day Jews would murder Christian children to use their blood in religious rituals and sometimes even for consumption (did I mention gross?) Not only did this just not happen, but it’s actually against Jewish law to murder, sacrifice, or consume blood. Yes these accusations really happened and it became a main reason for persecution of Jews. And some people still believe this shit.

Jews caused The Plague.

The reason this conspiracy exists is because many Jews didn’t get The Plague and the goyim thought that meant it was because the Jews caused it/cursed them. The real reason Jews didn’t get it is because ritual hand-washing and good hygiene kept them from getting it. Sorry that we bathe.

Jewish mother stereotype.

Ok, listen. I know stereotypes are mostly a bad thing but I have to admit the Jewish mother stereotype is not far off. Jewish moms do tend to be chatty and a little nagging, are often very involved in their children’s lives, and they are often trying to feed everyone (although they don’t all cook, my mom hates cooking.) They also tend to be big worriers, mostly worrying about their family/loved ones. They also tend to know everyone somehow. A twenty minute trip to the grocery store can turn into an hour or two long trip because she’ll chat with all the people she runs into.

Jewish-American Princess (JAP) ((I know calling Japanese people Japs is offensive. Jews will call girls JAPs, but with a completely different meaning. If that’s still offensive I am sorry, but just know it happens.))

This is the stereotype that portrays Jewish girls/women as spoiled brats basically. They will be pampered and materialistic. Do these girls exist? Definitely. I still recommend steering away from this stereotype.

Names

Listen. Listen. There are some names that Jews just won’t have. I won’t speak in definites because there are always exceptions but you’ll rarely find a Jew named Trinity or Grace or Faith or any form of Chris/Christopher/Christina etc. Biblical names from the Old Testament? Absolutely Jews will have those names they’re actually very common.

I’m in a Jewish Sorority. My pledge class of ~70 girls had five Rebeccas and four Sarahs. Surprisingly only one Rachel though.

When it comes to last names I have two thoughts that might seem contradictory but hear me out: a) give your Jewish OC’s Jewish surnames, b) don’t give your Jewish OC’s the most Jewish surname to ever exist.

By this I mean I would much rather see a character named Sarah Cohen or Aaron Levine than Rachel Smith. Just that little bit of recognition makes a happy exclamation point appear over my head, plus it can be a good way to hint to readers that your OC is Jewish.

On the other hand, please don’t use the most stereotypical Jewish names you’ve ever heard. If you have five Jewish OCs and one of them is Isaac Goldstein then fine. If Isaac Goldstein is your only Jewish OC I might get a little peeved. There are tons of common Jewish surnames that are recognizable and easy to look up, so don’t revert to the first three that come to mind. Maybe it’s just me, but I find it yucky, for lack of a better word.

Jobs

We all know there are certain jobs that are stereotypical for Jews to have. We’re talking lawyer, dentist, doctor, banker type stuff. To an extent these stereotypes exist for a reason, many Jews go into those careers. Do not make these the only careers your Jewish OCs have. Stereotypes might have reasoning behind them but it doesn’t mean they aren’t harmful. If you have multiple Jewish OCs some of them can have these careers, but not all of them. I do know a lot of Jewish lawyers, dentists, and doctors. I also know accountants, people involved in businesses (“mom, what does Brad do?” “he’s a businessman” sometimes there just aren’t more specific words), people involved in real estate. I don’t actually know any bankers personally, and with money and stuff being one of the most common and harmful Jewish stereotypes I would suggest steering away from that.

These are common fields for Jews, but Jews can have literally any job. Please feel free to get creative. And if you have more than one Jewish OC you can think about making one of them a Rabbi, but DON’T do this if they’re the only Jewish OC. Please.

Yiddish

So I mentioned Yiddish earlier. Like I already said, it’s not a very widely used language anymore but there are some words and phrases that are still used by a lot of Jews (in America at least.) Here’s a list that is absolutely not comprehensive:

Oy vey = oh no

Shvitzing = sweating (but not just a little bit. Shvitzing is like SWEATING)

Kvetch/kvetching = whine/whining or complain/complaining

Mazel tov = congratulations; this is the same in Yiddish and Hebrew

Chutzpah = nerve or gall (e.g. “He’s got a lot of chutzpah for breaking up over text like that”)

Kismet = fate; I just learned this is Yiddish

Bubbe and Zayde = grandma and grandpa

Schelp/schlepping = drag/dragging, can also mean carry or move (e.g. “I had to schlep the bag all around town” doesn’t mean they literally dragged it)

Schmutz = dirt or something dirty (e.g. “you have schmutz on your face”)

Schmatta = literally means rag but can be used to refer to ratty blankets or clothes

Plotz = collapse (usually used in the sense of “I’m so tired I might plotz” or “she’s gonna be so excited she’s gonna plotz”)

Schmuck/shmendrick = both mean more or less the same, a jerk or obnoxious person

Shtick = gimmick, routine, or act (can be used like (“I don’t like that comedian’s shtick” or “he always makes himself the center of attention it’s his shtick”)

Spiel = long speech, story, or rant

There’s so many more so look them up and think about using them, but don’t overdo it. A Jewish person isn’t gonna use a Yiddish word in every sentence (or even every day or every few days.)

Israel

In my community at least it’s very common that by the time your college-aged that you’ll have been to Israel at least once.

Israel is a controversial topic within the Jewish community and in the world. It’s sensitive and complex. I really, really suggest not getting into it. Just don’t bring it up because no matter what you say someone will be unhappy. Just don’t do it.

Ashkenazi Disorders

Ashkenazi Jews have some sucky genes (I’m Ashkenazi so I can say this, you cannot.) These sucky genes cause certain disorders to be more prevalent for us. Children only get the disorder if both parents are carriers of the disorder, so Jews usually get genetic testing done before having children. If both parents are carriers the risk of the child getting the disorder is high, so parents might reconsider or have some indecisiveness/fear. Some of these are:

Tay-Sachs

Cystic Fibrosis

Canavan Disease

Familial Dysautonomia

Gaucher Disease

Spinal Muscular Atrophy  

Fanconi Anemia

Mucolipidosis IV

Niemann-Pick Disease

Torsion Dystonia

Bloom Syndrome

Ashkenazi Jews also have a high prevalence of the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes, which increase the risk of breast and ovarian cancer in women and increase the risk of breast and prostate cancer in men.

Crohn’s Disease, Ulcerative Colitis, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and Lactose Intolerance are also very prevalent

In a dorm of like 40 Jews, six of them had Crohn’s.

Ways to Show Your OC is Jewish

Wears Jewish jewelry, e.g. Star of David (also called Jewish Star and Magen David), Chai symbol (means life), jewelry with Sh’ma prayer, or hamsa (but beware this symbol is used outside of Judaism).

Mentions their temple, their Rabbi, having a Bat/Bar Mitzvah, going to Hebrew School, Shabbat, or a holiday coming up.

Have someone ask them a question about Judaism.

Have someone notice they have a mezuzah on their door. 

Most Jews will have a mezuzah on the doorframe of the front door of their house/apartment, but they could even have one for their dorm room or whatever. It’s traditional to kiss your hand then touch the mezuzah when walking through the door, but most Jews don’t do this every time, at least not most Reform or Conservative Jews.

Have them call out antisemitism if you’re feeling spicy

The end! I hope this helped and if you have any questions my ask box is always open!

[gr-ogu]

Requested by @tennant​!

For this tutorial you will need:

Some basic gif-making knowledge (see my last tutorial!)

I’ll be using CC 2017 to do this, but as long as you have the timeline option, this will work for you! 🥰

So, in a sort of part two to my other gif tutorial, (https://luke-patterson.tumblr.com/post/636980573506813952/) this is a slightly more advanced part of gif-making. But I promise it’s easy when you know how!

Assuming you followed the last one, you’ll already know how to make your gifs into a smart object, so we’ll start there!

PART ONE: BLENDING

Drag both of your gifs into the same file. For this to work, your gifs have to be the same number of frames, or at least cropped to the same length in the timeline window, otherwise one will loop before the other, and it will mess up the loop of the gif. (For when we get to the multiple gif part, I recommend having between 60-80 frames, so it stays under tumblr’s 10 MB limit.) As this tutorial uses smart layers, they can both be sharpened as well.

(I made this gif 540 px by 268 px, because I’m going to add more to it later. But we’ll cover that further down in part two!)

Honestly, I find it so much easier to put my colouring on top of both/all the gifs, and then clip individual layers down onto a specific gif, if that one needs more of its own colouring. That way, the extra layers don’t interfere with the other gif(s). It’s so much less confusing visually for me than having lots of groups with their own colourings, and it makes moving the gifs around simpler.

Position them side by side, one on top of the other. Obviously, you can play around with the positioning: this may be easier to do once they are blended, especially as some gifs may be smaller and you need to try them in different places. For example, this is a screenshot of a Lyra/Will set I made in the past, with three blended gifs of different sizes:

Add a layer mask to both of your gifs. You might not need to edit both, but I usually do, as I like to balance how much one gif blends into another! Using the brush tool (set to black, when you’ve clicked on the layer mask), we want the brush to be very big, and very soft.

The bigger the brush, the more seamless the blending will be! By painting parts of the top gif away, the other gif will start to appear underneath. It’s not always necessary, but I usually like to set my top gif to ‘screen’ as well. This helps the gifs merge into one another even more, especially if you have one gif which is darker than the other!

As you can see, by setting it to screen, the top gif has already started to look blended. Then, you can start to paint. As the brush is so big, you might end up painting away too much of the gifs, like so:

I usually go back and forth, switching between black to remove parts of the gif, and white to add it back (always painting on the layer masks). Sometimes, you might need to make the brush slightly smaller, just to fill in tiny gaps.

Another thing you can do is to add a solid black colour underneath all your gifs, just to fill in any spaces. (Sometimes, I do this on top of gifs too, to create spaces where I want blended gifs to go, like in my current header!):

Anyway, back to the original gif. My blended gif is now pretty much how I want it to be, except Lyra is quite far to the left, and Will is taking up a lot of the screen:

So I’m going to see how they look at the start of the gif, to determine how far right I need to move them both to get them mostly in the middle:

And that’s it! Now you can export them [file > export > save for web (legacy)] and you’ll have to change the timing back to 0.05, or use the action I introduced to do this in my last tutorial.

PART TWO: MULTIPLE GIFS

To put more gifs underneath this one I’ve made, I expanded my canvas. Go to image > canvas size. Make sure you click the little ball to the top in the anchor section, so the canvas expands underneath your gif. If you leave it in the centre, it will simply expand from the middle, or the left, right, etc.

Next, we need to remove the black line at the bottom of the gif.

You want to select the space for cropping using the rectangular marquee tool, so in this case, 540 px by 268 px. The tumblr spacing is 4px between each gif in a set, so however many gifs you want, you have to account for 4px less pixels inside your one gif, to give the illusion there are multiple (unless you want them to touch).

For example, (there’s a little maths here: forgive me!) two gifs of equal size, placed side by side, must be 268px in width or length, because (268 x 2) + 4 = 540. (There is one 4px gap in between). For four gifs, it would be (132 x 4) + 12 = 540. (For the three, 4px gaps). For three gifs of equal size, it’s a bit different. These must be 177px, 178px, and 177px, to ensure there is 8px of space left over (two gaps).

Then, make sure the colour white is the primary colour selected on the paint pad (this is vital) and (in this case), the layer mask from before when we blended, is selected. Press ctrl (command on mac), shift, and i to invert your highlighted area (or select > inverse) and then simply delete the excess line, (either using the delete button on windows, or fn + delete on mac, I think!) Then, do this again for the other gif.

And voilà! It’s gone. You can also paint it out (using the black colour as the primary colour to erase), but I would still recommend highlighting the outline of the area you want to erase, using the marquee tool, so that you can paint it out in a straight line, and don’t paint into your gif and erase parts of that by accident.

Now to add in the other gifs! To do this, I use guides, but you can also use lines at a size of 4px, to map out the spaces in between gifs. If you go with lines, just make sure you delete the shapes after. With guides, they are not actually ‘in’ your gif, so you don’t have to remove them before you save. However, guides only work for straight lines, so gifs with other shapes will need to be made using lines, (but I will touch on that at the end!)

I actually have a few psds saved with guides already on, so that I don’t have to draw them out every time. If I was making a set with three gifs in a row, this would be different, but I usually stick to two or four (or three with one big square/rectangle, and two little squares), so this is my most used psd. The guides are set at: 132 px & 136 px, 268 px & 272 px, and 404 px & 408 px, both horizontally and vertically!

I have a red colour underneath just because I find it easier to see the lines between gifs this way - if you do the same, just remember to turn it off before you save your gif, otherwise it will have the colour red instead of mimicking the transparency between gifs.

Now, make a second gif! I decided to have a square in the middle as you can see in the title, and then two rectangles either side.

Then you want to resize it, in this case to 268 px by 268 px, and drag it across into your main file, or go to layer > duplicate layer, and move it that way. Don’t worry, when you move it, it will show the whole gif as if you haven’t cropped it. The reason I crop and resize it beforehand, is so that I can ensure it will be the correct size when I remove the excess parts of the gifs I don’t want, (rather than making it 268px including the black line for example, which would be wrong.)

Then, as before, position the gif where you want it to go, and highlight the area you want to be in the gif. Whilst this is selected, (again ensure white is the primary colour on your paint pad), click the layer mask:

Then the excess around the gif should be gone! (Making a gif of a gif tutorial... meta, lmao.) This way, if you decide you want to change the shape of the gif, or move it slightly, you can just paint parts in and out, or delete the layer mask, move the gif, and reapply it!

You can then sharpen and adjust your colouring to the gif as needed! Next, go ahead and repeat this process for your other gifs. Selecting the area, adding a mask, and sharpening. By the end, you should have something that looks like this:

PART THREE: OTHER SHAPES

If you want to use other shapes (which I haven’t tried myself until now, but I can talk you through some thoughts!) You can use the line tool. So, for example you could make a layer with the lines at 4px, merge it, and then at the end delete it from your gif to leave the gaps transparent:

To make a gif any shape you want, choose a shape (either use the shape tool, or get a png of it), and using a clipping mask. Make sure your gif is above the shape layer, then right-click the gif layer, and select create clipping mask to clip it down:

OR you could use a circle, and then delete the circle to make it look transparent:

The best way to select items which are not rectangular, (so you can’t use the marquee tool), is to use the pen tool. Click around your gif so that it’s got a border of what you want selected. Once you have outlined your gif, right-click and choose make selection:

Then set the feather radius to 0, and then the area you want should be highlighted in the same way as with the marquee tool above, so you can add a layer mask, etc. However, as the pen tool is not always that accurate, there is a little white gap here where it’s not a perfect circle.

A way to overcome this could be to make all the gifs you want, and then simply add one on top with a white 4px border, so it gives the illusion of being transparent! (As I have done above, but save it as white rather than red!)

If I find a better way to do this in the future, I will update this tutorial. I hope this is helpful, and thank you for reading 🥰💖

[moonbaby26]

Title: The Man from the Sky

Pairing: Loki x Goddess!Reader

Summary: You were a Greek sea goddess, just enjoying a typical day of nothing when a strange new god dropped into your land.

Warnings: None yet. There is smut in future chapters already written. Will post more soon.

Notes: I’m aware that what we’d think of as ancient Greece well predates who we’d call the vikings and their like cruising around the seas. This doesn’t take place at the height of the Greek pantheon worship, but old enough in human history that some men still believed in both sets of deities.

Chapters: Next Chapter Here

My Masterlist

—————————

You dipped your feet a little deeper into the warm water as it lapped the edges of the rock you sat upon. The sea was calm today, and the wind gentle as the nymphs chatted around you about the usual things. A bit of gossip one had heard from a local river nymph, a new shipwreck one had found, status of a fish migration from another.

You wouldn’t exactly call it boring though, you specifically chose these more remote areas when you came ashore for this very reason. It was so much more unlikely for you to run afoul of mortals here, or even others of your own kind that you may not feel like putting on airs with at this very moment.

It was so quiet in fact, that you were considering getting up to go lay in the sand on the beach in a few minutes and enjoy a nice nap in the sunlight.

That was before the boom which echoed through the air all around you. Somewhat like thunder, but not quite as all the nymphs fell silent.

When nothing came after, you felt all their eyes then turning to you. Their voices piped back up soon enough, though the tones in them changed to all nerves now.

“Do you wish to leave, milady?”

“Could it be Zeus?”

“But it didn’t sound like him.”

“Is there a volcano nearby?”

“What else could it be?”

“I don’t know what it was, I’ve never heard that sound.” You finally said, though now looking inward to the land. You were at least sure that the sound was not of the sea. But you refused to give in to the nymphs’ skittishness too quickly. And without real reason to leave, eventually you all did start to relax again.

Yet then came the cries. “Goddess, mistress please!” That cry absolutely was from the land as you looked in time to see the river nymph you’d met earlier in the day now running from the tree line and down onto the sands. She stumbled slightly, just before reaching you where the sea met the rocks.

She was panting, clearly having run some distance as she continued. “I’m so glad to still find you here,” She bowed slightly, only because she didn’t know you well enough to realize you didn’t require this.

“What is it?” You asked simply, honestly more curious now than anything else. What could she have seen that would strike her so alarming? Any nymph worth their ilk would know every creature, every natural occurrence, all that existed within their lands.

“There is a man in the forest, he came from the sky!” Yet she continued quickly, sure you would only think of Olympus. “But I do not recognize him as one of your own family. And his clothing, he is not of our territory. This I am sure, my goddess. I watched him only long enough to see that he was very angry. I am afraid of his intentions here.”

A man? But not truly a man. Mortals did not come from the sky.

“An angry god?” You said, now standing as you then stepped down from the rocks. The forest belonged to Artemis truthfully. But being this close to the sea, you thought that the older goddess would forgive you this if it came down to it. She would rather the nymphs be protected you were sure from any childish acts of a god’s wrath that may now come into play here.

You had brought no armor, the possibility of battle so far from your mind when you’d come ashore today. But that didn’t mean you travelled completely defenseless. “Bring me my spear please.” You requested of the sea nymphs.

Though they were still anxious, they responded dutifully, one sinking beneath the waves before reappearing with the glinting weapon in hand. It shone a brilliant silver, sea foam still running off its blue spear tip as she handed it to you out of the water.

“Show me the way, and I will investigate this stranger.” You spoke plainly, hopping down onto the sands as you strode barefoot towards the forest, spear in hand. “We will keep our distance as best we can, we don’t seek conflict, understood?”

“Yes, milady.” You heard, the sea nymphs staying behind you as the river nymph moved in front to lead you upward, the sand transitioning to rocky soil and the sparse vegetation and trees beginning to increase as you climbed the hillside.

For the sea nymphs, you could hear them losing their footing here and there in the loose soil, themselves of course far more adapted to swimming the ocean’s depths at your side rather than hiking up into the forests.

You did hope you were not putting any of them in danger. But if you felt they truly were in harm’s way, you would have no qualms in telling them to retreat back to the water at once.

“Up ahead,” The river nymph whispered to you, pointing towards a clearing you could now see leveling off in the distance. But the opening looked so strange with the density of the other trees now around you.

“Was that always there?” You asked her, knowing something unnatural when you saw it, even when this far from the water.

“No,” She confirmed. “When the sky opened up, it carved out the land as well. He appeared when that force receded.”

“Understood.” You replied, though in truth not really understanding at all as you motioned for all the others to proceed no further. You’d never seen something like this. “I will go alone. If he should attack me, please return to the sea to seek help.”

They fidgeted, looking unhappy but not arguing your choice. “Please be careful, goddess.”

You nodded, but kept on slowly. You tried to remember what you’d been taught as a little girl about stalking and hunting on land. So many moons ago, running through the forests with Artemis and at times Pan, being mentored before returning to the sea to your father, mother, and so many siblings.

But the closer you came, the more you realized that the stranger would likely not notice any sound of light footsteps approaching or ground shifting. As you neared, you saw his form pacing back and forth in the clearing, seemingly cursing to himself in a language that was not your own.

Yet it still sounded familiar. Abruptly you knew where you had heard a dialect like this before. It sounded so much like those voyagers from the northern seas. The ones with their longboats and course beards, sometimes with hair as red as fire as they fished and sang and fought.

And he did look as pale as them as well. But with hair like black of night, and a frame far more slender than the burly mortals you’d seen rowing those northern boats along. And just as the river nymph had warned, his clothing confused you as well. Rich green robe, but with black and gold as well. It was wholly foreign and exotic to you in its styling, as was he.

When she’d said a strange man had arrived, honestly you had also expected someone older in appearance. He looked quite youthful to be honest, even as his brow remained furrowed and his fists clenched at his sides.

And just when you thought his feet may actually cut a path in the earth from his agitated pacing, he finally slowed, then stopped all together.

This is when you froze as well, knowing you now had a decision to make. Should you keep to your hiding, just to hope he should eventually leave in whatever fashion he came? Or should you reveal yourself to question his identity and purpose here?

“Done spying yet, or do you intend to actually do something with that spear?” A cutting voice spoke abruptly to your side, so suddenly that you almost lost your footing, shocked as the same man emerged from behind other trees only feet from you.

But you still saw him in the clearing as well, at least you did momentarily before the image of him there dissolved, leaving only the form now nearest you.

“You speak my language?” Was all you questioned instead of answer him though, as he had said those last words only in your tongue. You also kept focusing on backing away as you chose to keep a safer distance. He was some sort of illusionist at least then, which could escalate the danger here very quickly if he made you lose your bearings.

And he was starting to circle you a bit you realized as he began to walk again. But you willed yourself to keep your spear at a neutral position, rather than aim at him, still not intending to provoke attack if it could be prevented. You had no idea what other strengths he might have, and your primary goal was still to keep the nymphs from getting caught in any crossfire.

“Not all of us are so uneducated,” He snapped back at you, still in your language, though you could detect that foreign accent underneath.

You were not wholly unused to rudeness though, yet it had been a very long time since you could recall being spoken to directly in such a manner. It was more the bickering between others in the palace that you were sometimes forced to be party to. Which was only another reason you often favored the relative isolation of the mortal world.

“You need not be so offended, stranger. I only came to see who had entered our land, and to protect my friends if need be.” You answered as reserved in tone as you could.

“Then you have done your duty, girl, and can now be gone. I came here to be alone. If I was actually intending to plunder this wasteland of nothingness, your little cohort never would have made it back to you to begin with.”

You stared, a little coldness entering your eyes then. So that was what had given you away. He’d already been aware of the river nymph to begin with, and had been waiting for someone to return the entire time while leaving that illusion of himself still in the clearing as distraction.

And he’d actually referred to you as ‘girl’. Did he really think you just one of the nymphs then? It was hard to say if he was intentionally trying to goad you, or if he really was so unfamiliar to not realize you for what you actually were.

You straightened a bit, replying, “Insults to our homeland aside, I will leave you to this quiet then, if you should at least tell me your name. You are clearly not of Olympus, and we still have right to know who it is who traverses into this particular land of mortals which we hold sovereignty over.”

He scoffed, clearly wishing to not speak to you even a moment longer. But in the way his chest puffed slightly, you thought it was only pride then that made him physically incapable of denying his identity.

He actually moved closer to you as well, that agitation still rising further in his voice. “Little fool, you stand before Loki! Son of Odin the Allfather. I am god of mischief, prince of Asgard. Your witless mortals should count their blessings that an Asgardian should ever see fit to even set foot here!”

You didn’t know if you’d been quick enough to mask the true surprise from your face. You had already assumed him a god. But never...never had you actually laid eyes on an Asgardian. They never came to this part of the world as far as you knew. And was he telling the truth? Was he really a son of Odin?

This stranger’s arrogance aside, if he were a child of Odin, you knew your own father would be furious with you if you were intentionally insulting now. Asgard and Olympus had never had the closest ties, but you were not enemies either. Asgard was honored by the mortals of the north, and Olympus still honored by those of the south, though perhaps not quite as much as the true olden days.

It took real will, but you bowed graciously to him in return. “It is an honor to meet you then, Loki, son of Odin.” As you straightened up, in his eyes you could see he was trying to judge you as sincere or not. But you just continued smoothly. “As promised, I shall leave you to your thoughts then. But I would be unmannered to not offer my assistance should you need a hostess in your time here as a guest in our land. My name is (Y/N), daughter of-”

You hesitated only the briefest moment, “of the sea,” is what you decided on though. Unlike Loki, you preferred a little anonymity with strangers. You didn’t wish to be targeted just for your lineage.

And with that, you turned, beginning to walk back towards the beach, even as you finished talking. “If you should need me, you need only find the sea’s edge and call for me. One of our creatures will hear you soon enough and seek me out.”

But some odd part of you regretted not being able to see his expression as you left. You wondered if you only would have seen more disdain and condescension at your offer.

Regardless, he said nothing else and soon enough you were back on the sand, the nymphs chittering in a mix of horror and awe around you.

“Who does he think he is, speaking to you that way!?”

“Do you really think he’s of Asgard? Shouldn’t we alert your father?”

“Why would he even come here? He seemed so bitter. Do you think they cast him out?”

“I’d cast him out, with a dirty attitude like that!”

You looked to the horizon, just taking a breath. “I don’t think we need to rush and tell my father just yet. But I do know where I want to go now.” You looked to the river nymph briefly though, “Please have those in the forest keep a distant eye on him. Should he leave or do anything else of note, please let us know.”

You glanced back to the sea nymphs then. “The rest of you return to the oceans. I’m going to Olympus, to the libraries there. I want to find out more about Asgard, to see if he is who he says he is. I’ll return to the water soon.”

They all nodded, “Yes, milady. Please let us know what you find!”

“I will,” you agreed, just watching them dissolve back into the waves.

Were you excited perhaps? Or just very curious? Nothing interesting in this way had happened in ages. You were determined to learn all you could on this new arrival.

—————————

The Olympians had been a little surprised to see you gracing the halls there. So many of your cousins had dropped in time and again to say hello, curious themselves of why you were out of the water this long and seemingly such a bookworm all of the sudden.

And you did read for days. All you could find on Asgard, on Odin, the Norse mortals, and their language. You found record that Odin had born two sons, honestly an oddly low number you thought in comparison to the many children of your own kings.

But there in these tomes, were those two names, Thor and Loki. Thor, god of thunder, amusing of course in comparison to Zeus, king of all, including lightning. But also Loki, god of mischief, just as he’d said.

You were surprised, but enthralled as you actually found a drawing of Loki within the book. Though not completely accurate you thought, you still recognized that type of clothing. The green and gold, and the pale skin and black hair with his icy blue eyes. You tilted your head a little, looking at the gold helmet he wore in the artist’s depiction, with long horns curving from it like those of a great beast.

Was he really a beast? Or just a too arrogant manchild? And why did you increasingly wish to find out?

—————————

(Continued in next chapter here)

[digital-dhampirs]

vnc episode 12 thoughts

The thrilling conclusion to the Vanitas no Carte anime’s first cour is out, and I have thoughts! I’m still considering doing a full season/ fill cour review, but I have a Lot of episode 12- specific opinions, so this review / breakdown / thing will focus around e12!

A warning before we begin— review will contain spoilers for events that take place in the vnc manga and not in the anime, and will most likely spoil some sections of the anime’s next cour. With that, let’s get started!

Episode 12 of the VnC anime covers chapters 19, 21, 22, and 23 of the manga.

To begin this review in a brutally honest way, this episode was… in my opinion as a manga reader… bad. It did have some ok moments, but generally devoted a lot of its time to a plotline that (while adorable) isn’t actually super important compared to what was left on the wayside. Vanitas and Noé’s fight over blood drinking is fine, I guess, but why’d we get that minute long flashback compilation and not Dante’s conversation with Dominique, or Roland and Olivier’s complete conversation, or Astolfo’s excitement to hunt vampires, or Mikhail?

I really truly wish the show had taken some of the money and time that went into the Vanitas and Noé fight from chapter 23 and put it into the arguably much more important and interesting parts of this episode. Ruthven drinking Noé’s blood, Roland’s threat, and Chloé and Astolfo’s introductions all had some very janky stills and animations. It truly irked me to see that time and effort went into making Noé’s mouth move while he’s mentally monologuing about wanting to drink Vanitas’s blood, while Roland’s fantastic threat from Chapter 22 got… this. click on image for worse quality

The episode also decided to continue E11’s habit of chopping scenes up and mashing them together. In E11 this was a very not great decision, but was ultimately somewhat forgiveable from a tone point of view. In E12, meanwhile, it’s just all out chaos as the anime tries to string five completely separate scenes into something coherent (Noé and Vanitas in the hotel, Ruthven and Jeanne in the street, Domi and Dante on the stairs, Roland and Olivier in the chasseur compound, and a flashback to complete the Ruthven and Noé encounter from E11). Suffice it to say the anime does not succeed in this endeavor.

What really irritates me about this is that the manga already provided a framework for the anime to work these scenes together into. A frantic Vanitas reunites with Noé, Ruthven meets Jeanne in the street, Roland and Olivier speak about the beast, we see a mysterious flashback of Chloé calling for Jeanne as they talk, cut to Jeanne in the present as Dante and Ruthven’s attendants simultaneously tell Ruthven and Vanitas about the beast’s return.

I really wish the anime could’ve just given us the conclusion to the Ruthven scene at the start of the episode, done the OP, and then followed this series of events to a T. But it didn’t, and the result is a bit of a mess.

The anime’s choice to omit half of Roland and Olivier’s conversation means Dante’s announcement about the beast being back has no meaning or weight; Vanitas running to the hotel before we know what actually happened to Noé at the cafe ruins the drama and irony of the scene; Noé’s lack of memory of what happened at the cafe is muddled by the weirdly placed cafe flashback right afterwards; the anime putting Olivier’s “what that man believes in isn’t god” line seconds before the reveal of Roland’s intelligent and scheming nature doesn’t give the line enough room to breathe and stew; and the transition scene with Domi and Dante just doesn’t fit. I can honestly say I would have preferred Dante just teleporting from the streets of Paris to Vani and Noé’s windowsill than have that scene smack dab in the middle of what’s already a confusing mishmash of way too many unconnected events.

Wow. That was a long, critical paragraph. one might even say it was just as chaotic and disorganized as the episode itself. I feel like I’m really living up to my fullest potential as a bitter manga simp. So! Let’s turn things around and talk about some of the good parts of this episode!!

First and foremost I want to compliment this episode’s music..! The soundtrack of VnC is just all round fantastic no matter what�� whether it’s playing during a goofy scene or a fight, it’s is bound to be fantastic. I think my favorite pieces are the ones that play at quiet, ominous moments— the music during Vanitas and Dante’s conversation about the beast is excellent, adding something truly incredible to the atmosphere created by the illustrations of the beast and the eerie green light of the scene. The way the music lines up with Olivier’s “what that man believes in…” line during that one flashback is similarly awesome.

This episode also has very nice voice acting..! Despite all of its struggles in the visual and plot department, pretty much everything to do with the VnC anime’s audio is stellar. I’ve become a big fan of Jeanne, Roland, and Olivier’s voices (I can’t wait to see how Olivier’s VA works with all his screaming in the Gévaudan arc); Astolfo’s voice is perfect for him (I am similarly excited to see his clipped, polite tone take a turn for the insane as the Gévaudan arc moves forwards); and as always our protagonists’ voices are great.

My one singular problem with the voice acting this episode is Chloé. I don’t know why, but she sounds like a catgirl from a fantasy anime rather than a multiple- centuries- old vampire. I don’t know what I was expecting from her voice, but this wasn’t it. I really hope Chloé’s voice will grow on me like Roland’s did, but there’s just something about it that feels off to me.

However! That one detriment doesn’t detract from the fact that this episode does have some very beautiful moments, especially during that one last scene with Chloé at the end. Visually, Chloé is absolutely spot on— I only hope the show has the budget to keep giving her pretty, pretty scenes like this. The scene where Vanitas and Dante discuss the beast is also very very nice to look at. The monochromatic red section of Ruthven and Noé’s scene is excellent. And, while I’m still annoyed that this scene got so much love put into it and others did not, Noé’s spotlight-lit monologue is aesthetically pleasing as well.

With that, we’ve covered all of my main thoughts on the final episode of the vnc anime’s first cour! My feelings towards this episode’s plot and pacing are overwhelmingly critical, and the episode’s visuals are a toss up (leaning on the side of bad, @/ that Roland screenshot), b u t the episode’s music and voice acting are both fantastic. And honestly? That’s kinda how I feel about this whole cour of the anime.

Episode 12 might not have been “good”, but I believe it’s a very neat representation of the best and worst of what Vanitas no Carte as an anime has to offer.

Despite all my critiques I am still legally obligated to love this anime, and can’t wait to see the Gévaudan arc in the next cour!

Fun Fact

The weirdly technological background when Noé realizes he’s hungry makes absolutely no sense for an anime set in 1889, but for some reason that just makes this scene funnier to me

[animereaderinsertwriter]

Cupbearer (Eren/Reader)

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV (in progress)

Warnings: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT (im watching you, if you see this, begone!), vampire!eren, hunter!reader, fem!reader, smut, some amount of predator/prey dynamics but only kinda?? there is also a significant age difference but only cos eren is immortal and all that jazz. we're all adults here. there will eventually be smut.... and do i really need to say that there's gonna be blood in a vampire fic?

Description: A story of falling in love in 4 parts.

Eren is a bad man (well, a bad Creature) who has done bad things. When he meets the great-great-great granddaughter of one of his former friends in his favorite blood bar, however, he thinks it might not matter so much what happened in the past, so long as he can make the future something worth living to see.

Ao3 link here

Part I

A lamb in a den of lions, he thought, watching the newcomer as she settled in, ordering whiskey neat. A fool, for sure.

A fool she may be, perhaps, but even fools could be dangerous. Eren had known that the young woman was a Hunter from the moment she entered the bar (everyone else had, too) but something told Eren that she was hardly cut from the same cloth as the average Bane of Creatures. There was something in her movements— a predatory grace in her stride, perhaps, or a stiff, straight posture, with muscles tensed and ready for action— that betrayed her power to him; but for all that, she really was lovely, and the image of a rabbit caught in a patch of bramble came to mind whenever he looked at her.

Sitting in a corner, drinking his B-neg, he watched the woman as she sipped her drink, checking over her shoulder now and then. She was wary— as anyone with good sense would be— but she didn't appear frightened, and Eren's curiosity was piqued. It wasn't every day that someone so bold happened across his path, and it became harder and harder for him to resist the urge to approach her.

Eventually, Eren gave in to his curiosity— he never had been very good at or even particularly fond of restraining himself— and when he came silently up behind her, the newcomer didn't even notice his presence until he murmured a greeting close to her ear.

"Hello, little love," he said, and she startled in her seat. "Are you lost?"

She turned around then, her eyes big and bright in the dim lighting of the bar, but by the time she managed to look at the spot where Eren would have been, he was already seated on the barstool beside her. Eventually, though, her eyes found his, and when their gazes met, Eren was amused to find no fear in her visage.

"Far from it," she told him, turning her body towards him. "I am precisely where I mean to be."

Eren blinked, nonplussed.

"Curious," he said, leaning forward so that she could see the sharpness of his teeth as he spoke. "Do you fancy yourself a wolf among sheep, little Hunter? Did you really not think we would know you for what you are the moment you crossed the threshold of this place?"

Any normal, human ear would have missed the way her heart leapt in her chest, but Eren missed nothing. The fear he had hoped to inspire in her was present after all, but her face never moved from its impenetrable mask— an affectation that was somehow both soft and steely at once.

"That's not what I'm here for," she told him, widening the distance between her knees as she readjusted on the stool. "I'm here to discover the truth."

The truth— what an odd notion!— and yet Eren sensed no lie in her.

"You're a strange one," he told her, but forced himself to relax his posture to appear lazy, almost drunk. "Most Hunters— even ones so pretty as yourself— shoot first and worry about the truth later. What's your name?"

Her nose crinkled. "It's polite to give your own first."

Sharp, he thought, watching her closely. Names have power.

"Eren Jaeger."

"Eren Jaeger," she echoed, then extended her hand. "My name is (Y/N)."

That name sounded familiar to Eren— and though most names did after living a few centuries, this one seemed to hit closer to home. He knew that name, and knew it well…

"What's your surname?"

(Y/N)'s eyes flashed with an emotion that Eren didn't catch.

"Kirschtein," she replied, averting her eyes. "I'm Jean Kirschtein's great-great-great granddaughter."

And damn if Eren didn't want to laugh. Perhaps his nosiness into the posterity of his old acquaintances really was as bad of an idea as Armin always seemed to imply.

"I see," he said, and he truly, truly did. "Then you know who I am— what I am— and what I've done."

More than that, if she truly did know who he was, it was unlikely that she had come without a specific purpose in mind.

(Y/N) nodded, confirming his suspicions. "I was digging around in my family history and— well— I read what my grandfather wrote, and I just— I wanted the truth."

So wide-eyed, so innocent— so alive. Eren could see now her resemblance to Jean; if they were not similar in looks, she had his sharpness, his humanness… and, as he always had Jean, Eren envied her for it.

"If that's the case, then I'm sure you know that you don't get something for nothing," he told her, sipping his drink just to watch the expression on her face as he let the warm blood slide down his throat. "And that dealings with me can be dangerous."

"Jean Kirschtein loved you, Eren Jaeger," she told him fiercely and with such conviction that Eren nearly choked on his drink. "To take such a tone with me, to threaten me, the last living remnant of him, is the most disrespectful thing I've ever heard."

Eren was about to say that he didn't owe her, Jean Kirschtein, or anyone else any sort of respect, but she plowed on, unwilling to let him say his piece.

"You broke his heart a million ways by doing what you did, but— but he was your friend through all of it, no matter what side each of you were on," (Y/N) continued, passion aflame in her eyes. "I can't even imagine what inspired such a love, such a loyalty from him that he would forgive you for the horrors you caused. That's what I'm here to find out— what you have that a man such as him would find you redeemable."

The reproof in her words stung, but Eren was too old to argue. She could never understand what it was like back then.

"I understand more than you think," she snapped, and Eren actually flinched. "I understand that you hurt the woman my grandfather loved immeasurably, and that he forgave you for that even though he never even particularly liked you. I understand that you were ready to sacrifice the world for that selfsame woman, for Jean, and for all the others. I understand that you're a monster who loved and was loved back, but I want to know why."

How? Eren thought, shaken.

How had she known his thoughts? It was as though she had seen straight through to his innermost being.

Without speaking, she answered his question. (Y/N) took a hand and rolled up her left sleeve, presenting to him a scarred marking in the shape of a pentagram.

"My grandfather didn't settle down with just anyone," she told him, holding his gaze. "I come from a line of powerful witches, all of whom possessed strong claircognizance. Paired with my nature as an empath, you can assume I know what you're going to say before you say it."

Eren hummed, trying to appear less perturbed than he was.

"And yet you hunt Creatures for a living; strange, since you're practically one of us yourself."

(Y/N) glowered. "I hunt monsters that prey on my people, not Creatures. No innocent has died by my hand."

The unlike you went unsaid, but that didn't mean that Eren didn't hear it anyway.

"Don't get high-and-mighty with me, girl," he told her roughly. "Knowing is one thing, but experiencing what we experienced is another."

"I'm not here to judge you," she replied. "I told you, I'm here for truth, nothing more."

"And I told you that the truth doesn't come for free," he told her darkly. "You must give me something in return."

(Y/N) set her jaw.

"What would you have of me?"

It was a mean, base request. Eren was wicked for even thinking it, and vile for wanting it— but looking at the great-to-however-many-degrees granddaughter of a good man that he had once known, seeing the vitality that brought a flush to her cheeks and thumping to her heart, he knew he couldn't pass up this golden opportunity.

It had been so long since he'd had a Companion.

"Become my cupbearer for six moons," he told her, crossing his arms. "Starting with tonight, the moon becomes new; let me drink from you until six of these have passed, and along the way, you will learn what you want to know."

(Y/N) eyed him warily.

"Can you assure my physical safety?"

Eren grunted, almost amused. It was a bit late to be worrying about that.

"I think you know that I can."

"And will you let me continue in my duties as a Hunter?" she asked, her eyes searching his own as if she would find the answer to her question there inside the same eyes he'd had since he was nineteen. "Completely uninhibited?"

"That depends. Will you kill Creatures in the discharge of your duties?"

(Y/N) made a face. Eren had forgotten how expressive mortals could be, but he found that being reminded was not altogether unpleasant.

"You know I will," she replied, "But you have my word that any killing won't be unprovoked."

Eren supposed it was as close to a compromise as he could expect.

"As you wish it, so shall it be."

He turned away, signaling to the bartender for another drink, but a lightning-fast hand shot out to grab his wrist.

"Swear it," she demanded. "I need us to be Bound by it."

The meanness in Eren finally won over. He reached forward, grabbing (Y/N) by the neck, and the silver rings on her fingers burned him as she pulled at his hand to try and restore her breath. Eyes from all around the room were on the two of them— had been, since the very beginning— but it was only once the Hunter before him began to look appropriately humbled that he withdrew.

"Do not touch me without my permission," he said, "And I will return the favor."

(Y/N) looked at him then, but there was still no fear in her eyes. Anger, yes, but no fear.

She must be mad, or foolish one, he thought, considering her for a moment. I always have been partial to mad fools in general, but…

Something about her seemed different, and Eren didn't know what to do other than accept what she had to offer. Heavens knew he was getting the better end of the deal anyway.

"Swear it," she repeated, this time more quietly. "Give your word, and I will be your cupbearer."

Eren brought his hand up and unbuttoned the top three buttons of his shirt. At his will, the nail tip of his forefinger sharpened, hardening into a point; he used it to draw an 'X' onto the skin just over where his heart rested inside his chest, cold and dead. Blood welled into the cut— precious little, compared to that of a human, but still enough to run down his chest in smudges— and it was by that blood that he swore. He spoke the terms of their agreement, then took the blood from his wound with the pad of his finger and marked the same spot over (Y/N)'s own heart.

"Satisfied?" he asked, their faces almost touching, and (Y/N) shivered.

"Yes."

Her warm, living breath fanned over his face with her reply, and Eren took the moment to close his eyes and appreciate the scent and sensation of it.

"You may think you're satisfied," he told her, pulling away, "But you don't know the meaning of the word."

She eyed him warily, but before she could speak, he added, "In six months' time, I'll ask you the same question, and it is then that you will truly know what it is to feel satisfied— satiated in every way."

"As you say."

It was a throwaway comment, nothing more than a dismissal, really; but Eren felt like it was the start of something truly remarkable.

[wooyoungbf]

a list of (calming) apps i like

will be updated randomly as i find more apps | originally posted: 05.09.2021 | note: all of these are available on android, but i'm not sure about ios. feel free to add on!!

self care apps

habitica

habitica is a rpg like habit tracker where you gain xp for doing things or lose health for not doing them

theres three sections to use: habits, dailies, and to-dos

in the habits section, you can make a habit. the habits can have a postive button (to show you did it) and a negative button (to show you didn't do it); you can have just the positive, just the negative, or both. clicking the positive button gives you xp, while clicking the negative button makes you lose health. you get a positive and/or a negative streak, and the streak can be reset daily, weekly, or monthly.

the dailies section is for tasks you do daily, such as cleaning. each task can have subtasks. for instance, if you have a cleaning task, you can have subtasks for each thing that needs to be cleaned. when you've done all of the subtasks, you can check off the general task. you can have the tasks set to daily, weekly or monthly. you can set how often you need to do the task (ex. repeat every 2 days, or pick specific days). by missing a task, you lose health.

the to-do section is for tasks you only need to do once, and you can set subtasks here too. i don't really have much for this one since i don't use it.

you get coins if you complete tasks or do habits, which you can use to get rewards in the app.

pokemon smile

pokemon smile is an app that can help with brushing your teeth. basically, you "fight" plaque with a pokemon. you use your front camera to show the app that you're brushing your teeth and as your're brushing, your chosen pokemon fights the plaque to save another pokemon, which you get after you've finished. you can get stickers and hats as rewards for brushing your teeth.

it has an adjustable timer/ for however long you want to brush your teeth for (60sec, 120sec, or 180sec) and gives you a guide on where to brush and how long for. it also has reminders.

also it's very cute and i love it

#selfcare

#selfcare is a calming app. there are different things to help you relax, such as a breathing excersize thing, and a couple calming "games".

it has a sun image that goes from the sun being low and blue, but as you do more of the different things, the sun will rise.

forgive me for not having a longer description, it's been awhile since i last used it

daylio

daylio is a mood tracking app. it gives you mood options and things that you did that day. it's a good way to reflect.

school apps

forest

forest is a study timer where you plant trees.

as you work, the trees grow. the more you use it, you start to get a forest.

however, if you leave the app, the tree during your current work time will end up withering.

there's an option for leaving your screen on and you can have a time limit up to 3 hours. it gives you an option to have your focused time in hours, along with options to have notifications for countdowns.

games

zen koi

zen koi is a game where you have a koi fish and move it around a pond. the koi eats small creatures to make gems, which are used to expand the pond. everytime you expand the pond, other creatures show up. once you've fully expanded the pond, your koi becomes a dragon.

i love hue

i love hue is a game where you move colored tiles around to make a gradient. the game shows you the original gradient and then moves some tiles around. you have to move the tiles back to their original spots, which honestly is kind of hard. but it's a calming thing.

fishercat

fishercat is a game where you take a cat on a fishing trip. the cat goes underwater to catch as many fish as possible. you can upgrade the equipment (the boat, oxygen tank, and harpoon) with the coins you get from the fish you catch. the more fish you catch, the more coins you get. it's pretty cute.

starry garden

starry garden is an idle game. you level up the caretakers of different parts of the island, and get friends/other animals. its been a bit since i last played it too.

[linkspooky]

hi, do you have any thoughts on itadori and mahito? specifically why mahito tell him that they are the same?

A. Yuji and Mahito is the Same... 

Except they’re not. Not really. Yuji saves people without thinking, and Mahito kills people without thinking but there’s a clearly a difference between saving people and killing people. One of them is a whole lot less murdery. Rather than saying that they’re exactly the same, I think the narrative is setting up the idea that they are supposed opposites who have uncanny similarities to each other. 

"I will say at once that both courses lead to the same result: the “uncanny” is that class of the terrifying which leads back to something long known to us, once very familiar."

The uncanny is the psychological experience of something as strangely familiar, rather than simply mysterious. Described as Freud omething that is both at the same time resembling a human, and clearly not human. The term comes from his 1919 essay Das Unheimliche, which explores the eeriness of dolls and waxworks. Why are humans creeped out by something that resembles them? 

Freud offers his hypothesis about the uncanny: it something we have forgotten or repressed that is now coming to light against our will. The uncanny unsettles us because it reminds us of ourselves. The uncanny is a concept used repeatedly in psyhological horror, the concept of the doppelganger, dolls, mirrored images things which are human and remind us of ourselves can also subconsciously remind us of the fear of ourselves, so Freud says. 

1. Baby Boy, Baby. 

Mahito is, specifically the fear that humans have for each other. In that way he embodies the uncanny perfectly. He even looks uncanny. He’s the most human looking of the curses, but at the same time he looks like a stitched up Frankenstein’s Monster. There are many ways his behaviors are just plain wrong and contradict each other, he can talk with other humans, he’s polite, well mannered, always smiling, and then he can kill someone and laugh it off like it’s nothing. Mahito resembles a human, but his every single action is there to remind us that he is inhuman.

Mahito is also the mirror to humanity. Reflections are, things that appear human but are not. Reflections in the mirror look exactly like you, but they’re two dimmensional shallow images and they don’t move of their own accord. Reflections are another brand of doppelgangers. However at the same time, a mirror doesn’t lie, it just reflects. A mirror is just showing what is looking into it. 

There’s a story by HP. Lovecraft. (Wow, first Freud and now HP Lovecraft, I’m sorry for citing all of these terrible, terrible men), called the Outsider. A human who is locked away in a castle its entire life finally escapes, and tries to join a party of other people they see from the outside window, only to see them all run off in terror. The last line of the story, after seeing a horrible monster, the monster realizes it was just looking at a mirrored surface and he himself was the monster that everyone was running from. The fear the story preys upon is the fear of oneself, and the fear of the ugliness in oneself that the mirror might show. 

For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men. This I have known ever since I stretched out my fingers to the abomination within that great gilded frame; stretched out my fingers and touched a cold and unyielding surface of polished glass.

Mahito is a mirror that reflects Yuji, but only his bad traits. Mahito reminds Yuji of everything he dislikes about himself. Which is why Yuji sees Mahito as an enemy he can’t step forward without killing. So, what is this great similarity between them? I think the main one is that they’re both children. 

Part of the foiling in the Young Fish and Reverse Punisment arc is that both Mahito, and Yuji are people that Nanami identifies as children. A cursed spirit who is still learning to be a cursed spirit, a child who is still learning to be a sorcerer.

Early on the arc makes it pretty clear how much Yuji loathes being seen as a child. It’s not that he thinks he deserves special treatment, it’s that Yuji hates powerlessness, he hates the lack of agency, he hates not being able to choose. He doesn’t like being strong enough, because that means he’s not in control of the situation, and he has no choice but to watch as his friends get hurt. Yuji nearly killed Megumi the last time he was powerless and gets things get out of control. Yuji hates being weak like a child, and not being able to be weak like a child, and the result of this is Yuji turns into a pretty self loathing person. 

Yuji’s mistakes usually have big consequences. He lets Mahito get near Junpei, because he forgot about Nanami’s careful instructions to watch out and run away if he saw a cursed spirit with a patchwork face. It makes sense that Yuji would forget that in the moment, he’s just a child, it’s forgivable but Yuji never forgives himself for those mistakes. That’s where his self loathing comes from. 

It’s the same when Yuji lets Sukuna rampage on Shibuya. It’s not Yuji’s direct fault, however it’s his mistake in losing the fight that enabled Sukuna to rampage so Yuji takes responsiblity and takes all the blame on his shoulders. The way Yuji sees it, it’s his fault for being weak in the moment, he hates his weak naive self, he hates how much he still acts like a child. 

Yuji’s response to this however is to not think. To try to shut out those feelings of self loathing, to keep moving, to keep fighting, to fgiht against them so he doesn’t have to feel that way. 

2. Evil. 

Mahito is the uncanny foil to Yuji, Yuji doesn’t want to recognize anything at all about himself in Mahito, because Mahito embodies everything Yuji doesn’t like about himself. 

Mahito’s written to be the foil to Yuji in all the ways that deeply unsettles him. Yuji is always thinking about what a natural death means, whereas Mahito is always killing people in the most unnatural and unnerving ways possible, warping them until they no longer look human. 

Yuji is a strong and brave shonen hero, who is even willing to lay his life down for others. In fact he always agrees to risk his life a little bit too easily, like he’s just waiting for a cause to martyr himself on. Yuji is willing at almost any moment to die in the line of duty, Mahito is a coward who always runs away from his life and not only that a proud coward at that. Mahito considers his cowardice and his craftiness a good thing. 

However, as Nanami says at the end of Reverse Fish and Young Punishment people don’t exist in these simple black and white categories. Junpei wasn’t just an innocent suffering victim, he also went Carrie and tried to burn the whole school down in addition to the people who bullied him. He tried to hurt Yuji, just for getting in the way. 

Yuji sees people in categories of good and evil, but people don’t exist in those categories. Which is why Mahito is there to make him question himself. The uncanny similarity, because Yuji can act like Mahito without even realizing it. Not because Yuji is a good or bad person, but because he’s a collection of good and bad traits. Yuji is extremely caring person, but he also gets angry when people get hurt. Yuji is a very loving person to others, but also deeply self loathing. 

Yuji wants to believe he’s selfless and good, and to an extent he is, but then he looks in the mirror and sees a monster, he sees Mahito who is so openly self involved and uncaring and he’s scared am I like that? 

Yuji is someone who can become violent, angry, and obsessed with destroying someone too. At the moment killing a curse and killing a person aren’t really the same thing. However, there are two dangerous qualities about Yuji. One, he’s a foil to Geto. Geto is also, a rule abiding good boy, who just tried his best to save everyone around him. However, his definition of “everyone” changed. 

That’s the comparison they’re making with Yuji when Mahito says “You kill curses without thinking.” Curses are becoming more and more human like. There’s Choso who is literally a human half breed, who like isn’t really responsible for his existence. It’s bad of course that Choso kills humans, he’s willing to kill innocents for his own survival, but he’s also like... a fetus who was kept in a jar for a hundred years. The boundary line between curses and humans are blurring, and at the same time Yuji once again sees the world in strict and rigid black and whites. 

And Yuji’s response to this is usually “I don’t want to think about it.” Yuji wants to reject Mahito, his uncanny reflection in the mirror, and all the unnerving similarities between them. And it’s not really hating Mahito but loathing himself. Yuji hates himself, and wants to reject the possibility he can be in any way like Mahito because then that what he fears about himself might have been true all along. Yuji is, desperately self loathing, and also desperately trying to avoid having to look at himself. 

And it’s once again because Yuji himself can’t fit into his own black and white definitions of good and evil. Yuji can’t forgive himself for his mistakes. Yuji just decides to accept, because he let Sukuna rampage, because he made that mistake he’s responsible for it, he’s a murderer now. Mahito isn’t really Yuji, but he’s a good reflection of how Yuji sees himself, and he also shows us why Yuji is so dead set on helping people. Because if he doesn’t move forward. If he doesn’t help people. Then he’s just a murderer. If he can’t save people, then why is he even alive? 

[joontier]

The King’s Guard | Chapter 7 

pairings: kim seokjin x reader ; jeon jungkook x reader ; min yoongi x reader

series rating: R(18+) | genre: angst, forbidden love, longing, immense pining 

warnings: none to note 

word count: 6.6k

g/n: HAHGFJFIE FINALLY!!!!!!!! that is all. ((also painfully and regrettably unedited)) thank you. THIS IS THE MOMENT WE’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR ASJDFOAWJEFI SEND ME YOUR THOUGHTS PLEASE? 

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The King’s Guard | Chapter 7

“Hoseok.” 

Yoongi keeps his voice low as he attempts to poke the general awake, vigorously, yet with the right amount of caution so as not to wake the naked sleeping court lady in his arms. Chaeyoung, was it? The southern king ponders on wistfully as he pulls the blanket up again to maintain the modesty in the room - if there was any left, that is. 

The young king of the south had already sensed the tension between the pair when they were first acquainted with each other. Yoongi, not a stranger to the wants of the flesh, already knew this was coming. If it only weren’t for the places they hold in the palace, they would have made a great couple. 

Surely though, the two were old enough to know that clothes were still warranted even after what Yoongi could only assume to have been a steamy evening between the two. It wasn’t appropriate to just go sleeping in the nude especially when one could easily barge in at any time of the day, just as Yoongi had done. 

The blonde-haired king continues poking at the general by the ribs, cursing when the latter won’t respond and instead rolls over to the other side, pulling Chaeyoung closer in his arms. 

Good heavens. Why does this have to be so hard? 

For one, he’d already wasted time this morning trying to locate Hoseok, who he reckons no longer enjoys sleeping in his own quarters; finding more comfort in the danger that lies with sleeping in the court ladies’ quarters instead. He makes a mental note to address this to Hoseok later as this was going to be a major headache later on. 

Should this relationship of theirs proceed with its imminent direction, not only the general will be facing the grave consequences of their actions, but the poor court lady will have to take responsibility as well. 

“Hoseok.” The young king of the south nudges him once more, this time stronger than the last. Yoongi hears the general groan in response, and lets himself sit back against the wall in relief. At least this reaction was better than the log he was trying to wake just moments ago. 

That is, until he realizes he spoke too soon. 

Hoseok rolls over and proceeds to lie on his stomach. Yoongi cards his fingers through his temple, jaw clenched as he tries to figure out a more effective way to get the general up on his feet. 

He spots a vessel on top of Chaeyoung’s dresser, and Yoongi smirks as an unorthodox idea of waking up someone pops in his head. Quietly creeping up from the floor, he grabs the clay container by its neck and tilts the vessel, pouring the water onto Hoseok’s bare back. This ought to do the job. Just as expected, the liquid had the southern general scrambling to his feet. 

Squinting his eyes as he looks around, Hoseok comes face to face with his king, eyes trained on him like a tiger waiting on his prey. Hoseok immediately sits up, cowering under the king’s daunting gaze, “M-my king…”

Yoongi promptly gets up, not wanting to bother himself with another look at Hoseok’s naked form. “Get up. Meet me by the stables,” the king orders, sliding the door open, “and next time, please maintain some dignity and remember to put clothes on before sleeping.” 

The general clambers from the court lady’s yo, taking his discarded clothes by the corner of the room as the southern king heads to the stables first. 

“Did she really knock you out that bad that you were harder to wake than a sleeping cow?” 

Even at dawn when the sun hasn’t risen yet, Yoongi sees the general blush under the sky’s soft shade of purple. “If I could say so for myself, she was quite flexible, your Highness…” Hoseok whispers shyly as he chews on his lip. Yoongi’s mouth falls agape at his general’s confession, grimacing at the awful mental images it brought to his mind this early in the morning. 

“General.” Hoseok straightens himself atop his steed, knowing that the king meant business when he calls him by his official title. “You should know that what I had said was a question I needed not answered.” 

“My apologies, my King.” Hoseok says, expression unchanging when he whispers under his breath. “It’s not like I’m the only one who’s getting frisky with the women of the palace.” Yoongi’s eyes narrow as he glares at the general, guiding his horse nearer to Hoseok’s, seemingly taunting the latter to say more. “Ah yes,” the general gets the message and bows, but Yoongi doesn’t miss the small smirk playing on the younger man’s lips, “this is the part where I keep my mouth shut.” 

Bored out of his wits (and disrupted from his very lovely sleep), the general turns to his king, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, jeonha, but where exactly are we headed to at this time of the day?”

“We’re already here.” Hoseok, with his question answered in the most unexpected manner, gives an awkward nod as a reply to the southern king. He studies the place where Yoongi had led him to in this early morning and in recognition, his would seemingly winces at him as he remembers the day they’ve faced death in the eyes, and luckily got away with it.

In subconscious reminiscence, Yoongi flexes his shoulders, a short tinge of pain stings through the breadth of his back. Hoseok, in similar thought, does the same, reaching over to his side to feel the slowly healing wound.

The small clearing was not as ghastly as it had been when they had first arrived at this part of the forest.  The previously horrific scenery was no more; the doltap shrine, formerly made from dead bodies toppled over each other was now replaced by actual rocks and other mementos of the deceased.

Yoongi dismounts from his horse, a small cloud of dust appearing as he lands on the ground. Just like that, he’s taken back to the same night he’d met Seokjin – the same night he and Hoseok had narrowly escaped the hands of death. The southern king closes his eyes, reliving the scene like it was just yesterday.

“Forgive me, jeonha, but why are we here? If I should say so myself, my king, we we’re lucky enough to get away last time…if we stay here any longer, I’m not particularly sure what or who could be waiting for us this time.”

“We have to look for something.”

“Which is?”

“I’m not sure too. Just… I don’t think Seokjin is dead yet.”

Hoseok looks at him, worry painting all over his features. Yoongi had never concerned himself with the capitol, all the more with its king. The southern general couldn’t quite put a finger on it yet, but he is sure that there is a missing piece of the puzzle he has yet to discover. It won’t be long before he does.

Jungkook watches you from the shade of another nearby tree, indulging himself with an apple he picked earlier on the way to the gardens. You’ve just finished teaching five new characters to the class, and as a reward for their exemplary behavior, you decided to treat them with a story – one you’re telling with such animation right now.

He joins the children in laughter when you imitate a creature: an elephant, he reckons, though he’s never seen one in real life. Subsequently, you use your arm as a trunk and even start to make the strangest sounds to mimic the animal. Peels of the sound of amusement resonate throughout the open space. Even the court ladies you’d initially came with join soon afterwards, making their best impressions of different animals.

The sight was most endearing. You’re a natural when it comes to children, Jungkook attests to himself. You were patient, caring, and kind – all the traits of a good mother already inherent in you. It was no question that you child will grow up to be just as wonderful as you are.

Being a widow though? Not so much.

Despite the bountiful radiance brought about by these children, he could still see the sadness in your eyes. Gone are your usually bright orbs, mirth and brilliance swimming freely in your pupils.

It’s only been a week since the news of Seokjin’s passing and the announcement of your pregnancy. You’d maintained your cheeriness but Jungkook fears it all might have been just a façade because your smiles never reached your eyes unlike before.

Jungkook knew you were strong. Even the whole palace would agree on that fact. You were stronger than anyone could ever admit and you were far stronger than you think you were. It was a trait of yours that even only the bravest could only hope to be bestowed with. Your resilience was one of your many characteristics that Jungkook admired so much.

But at the same time, he fears this mask of courage you put on was going to be the same thing that was going to destroy you slowly from the inside.

Jungkook understood where you were coming from. Truly, he did. He’s dealt with enough royals all his life to know that a simple display of weakness could be perceived for something far greater than it is. Royals are groomed and nurtured to perfection from the moment they are born, and in their lifetime, they are only afforded a specific set of standards they had to live by strictly, else they lose the respect of the council and subsequently, their people.

It was madness at the least, to think that royals are supposed to be as stiff as their forefathers now commemorated by figures made of stone or some precious mineral. How strangely ironic.

Crown aside, you are but a human being, a woman, who had just lost her husband, and is now burdened with having to deal with your pregnancy alone. On top of all the responsibilities of a queen, including those of which Seokjin had left you.

Jungkook knew he was a mere soldier in your eyes, but he wanted to help you in the hopes to alleviate the pain you were going through; he wanted you to know that he feels your pain and he knows the suffering of one who has likewise lost a loved one.

He knows you’re constantly pre-occupying yourself with these things, always looking for a distraction to forget your personal sentiments. Jungkook could only imagine what struggles you’re going through right now and how badly he wishes he could hold you in his arms and tell you it’s going to be alright and he’s going to be there for you no matter what.

“Jungkook? Captain?”

“Huh?”

Jungkook scrambles to his feet as he sees you looking down on him as he rested by the bark of the tree. “Jungjeon-mama!”

Chuckling, you remove a stray leaf that stuck itself to his pants. Jungkook’s heart flutters at the small gesture. “Are you alright, captain? I’ve been calling for you but you seem busy staring off into the distance…” He gulps.

“Alright. Will you accompany me to the doltap shrine then?”

“Of course, Mama.”

Just like before, the two of you walk in comfortable silence, although the captain beside you looks more tense than ever. “Jungkook. Are you sure you’re alright? If you’re unwell, I can just go on my own. You can head back to your quarters.”

The captain quickly shakes his head, but when you meet his eyes, there’s a heavy weight in his stare that you wish to mention, but you don’t want to push his boundaries any further, especially when the two of you had been closer than any of you would have imagined.

You look away as you reach the top of the tiny slope, the dock finally in view. Jungkook immediately offers his elbow for your support, and you place a hand on the same with much gratitude.

He steps into the tiny boat first, readying the oars where he can reach them easily for later. Extending a hand out, he beckons you over to the canoe. Due to an unknown factor, you miss the gap between the boat and the dock, tripping slightly as you get inside. “Mama! Our– the baby!” You laugh at your own clumsiness before placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “I’m fine! I’m fine… stop acting like I’m a porcelain doll…” you joke, settling yourself on the seat.

“I’m just concerned about your well-being,” Jungkook mumbles, not meeting your eyes as he fixes the oars with a pout on his face. What a big baby. Gently, you put a hand on his knee, urging him to look at you, “I know,” you give him a warm smile, “and I’m very thankful to have you nearby all the time.”

It was the whole truth. Ever since Minho came barging in with your husband’s clothes and until the announcement of your pregnancy with the council, Jungkook has always been there. Since then, you’d opted to stay inside your hanok most of the day, unless you had to come out for your official duties.

He’d always be there, waiting outside your hanok as you’re about to leave for your responsibilities. You’d even suggested having Yunho come with you instead but the stubborn captain insisted, telling you it is his greatest honor to be your personal guard.

The boat pushes forward and you tilt your head back slightly, enjoying the cool, crisp air. “It’s a beautiful day today isn’t it?”. Jungkook smiles this time, “Certainly, wangbi.”

You decide to leave the shrine late in the afternoon as Jungkook wasn’t able to bring a lamp with him. The sky is becoming a lovely purple, and as the captain manages to safely bring you both back across the river, you make your final request of the day from him. “Why don’t we sit here a while longer? Enjoy the sunset perhaps?” You’re already patting the grass beside you, leaving Jungkook no choice.

Jungkook finally gathers up the courage to ask you this time, “How about you, Mama? Are you alright?” Jungkook doesn’t know what kind of response to expect but he hopes that you will be able to recognize the true depth of his sudden inquiry.

You don’t answer at first. It seemed as if you were trying to gather your thoughts before you reply. “I’m alright,” you retort with a smile. There it is again – the ingenuine grin. “Taehyung had just visited me yesterday to recommend meals I could have prepared that will give me and the baby enough nutrition.”

Right, you were also pregnant. He almost forgot that for a moment. That was another reason he couldn’t sleep at night – could he possibly be a fath-

“How I wish my child’s father was still here to witness him or her grow up.”

Oh. Right. Jungkook chokes back a sob.

This was only one of the many times he’d realized he’d been a fool all along, but this realization had been the most painful yet.

Just as if on cue, Jungkook feels something cold hit his cheek from above. There’s a grey cloud reigning over them, like it’s giving a warning signal of the storm that’s about to come.

He turns to you, worry apparent in his features once more. “Mama, we have to go back!” Just then, there’s a downpour of water, evidently drenching you both. He extends his arm out, even offering you a ride back home on his back. You stand up on your own though, but you don’t take his hand, nor did you follow him back to the palace.

“Mama?”

“Let’s stay for a little while longer.”

“But you might catch a cold, mama.”

“Since when was a cold fatal?” The smile on your face is almost devilish and Jungkook finds himself powerless to say no. “Come on!” you urge, clapping excitedly. “When was the last time you played under the rain?”

“When I was a kid?”

“All the more reason to have fun then!”

The last time he purposefully stayed under the rain was with you, and he promised himself that he would never do it again if you weren’t going to be with him.

You were both young and your rendezvous at the southern forest were nothing short of cherished moments. There were days when the downpour was ultimately unavoidable, especially when you’re playing in the middle of the forest. Rain hadn’t stopped you both from meeting nonetheless. There were also days when he just waited at your designated meeting place, only accompanied by the angry clouds while his body shivered from the cold.

When the years had passed by, Jungkook didn’t find anything enjoyable with staying under the rain so he stayed indoors most of the time, unless it was part of his official duties. Besides, everything else seemed to lose its purpose if you weren’t in it.

Life for him was a storm he was waiting to pass, but since he’d met you that day in the forest all muddy, he learned that life was about learning how to dance in the rain. Ironically enough, you were also the sun that brought light to his life, providing him with enough energy to last for centuries.

You feel something by your feet, prompting you to jump into Jungkook’s arms in fright. The captain gets surprised by your actions, causing him to almost lose his footing. Jungkook looks down to see any damage and sees a brown slimy creature camouflaging with the grass, “Mama, it’s just a frog…”

You frown adorably, giving him a hard time with an irresistible pout. How he wishes he could just kiss you right now. “I’m not particularly fond of these creatures…” You gasp when another one croaks, tightening your grip around the captain’s arms. Jungkook’s mouth twitches in silent celebration at your touch. He may or may not have flexed his muscles too on purpose – but that was most likely a primary instinct when the woman of your dreams encourages physical contact, albeit subconsciously.

Jungkook’s jubilation is cut short when more frogs start to appear out of nowhere, causing you to squeeze even tighter, your grip bordering on pain. For some unknown, you’ve managed to latch on his back with your constant avoidance of the tiny, slimy creatures. “Jung!” you shout, now relentlessly slapping his arm; Jungkook huffs - so much for his fantasies. “We have to get out of here Jungkook!!”

The quick-witted captain crouches low enough, telling you to jump on his back. He didn’t need to actually tell you though, because the moment he’d turned around you already had your hands hooked over his shoulders, trying to get him to hurry. Because of all the movements and the noise, the frogs share the same level of alarm as you – one even manages to fasten itself on your shoe. You flail your foot about, subsequently making it fly about a few feet away and thus, making Jungkook burst into laughter.

He remembers the time he’d surprised you with a frog inside a box in front of the whole class, and now you’d managed to get a whole army of frogs chasing you both. It was a living nightmare – for you at least, Jungkook on the contrary though, is positive that he’s having the time of his life watching frogs terrify you.

Just as expected, Jungkook loses his breath from laughter, setting you down gently as you go over the slope. You’re a little bit too hesitant to let go though, that even when Jungkook has turned to face you, you’re still clinging onto his jeogori as if your life depended on it. It’s a relief when he hears you giggle in his chest, assuring him that you were no longer frightened.  

Only silence remained as the laughter dies down. There’s the muted croaking of the frogs in the distance, but other than that, you’re left standing in his arms, quiet as ever. “Is it alright if I hold you like this for a while?”

Your sudden request throws the captain off guard. He’s powerless to say no, not when this is the moment he’d been waiting and imagining for years. “Can we just stay like this for a moment longer, Mama?” His voice almost breaks, pleading at the least.

“Of course, Jungkook.”

It seems like a hug is what you both just need.  

Just as the rain pours over them, Jungkook feels his own tears rolling down hotly against his cheeks, contrasting the cold droplets of rainwater. His heart hurts. He’s crying.

Actually, you both are.

You find Yoongi lounging extremely close by the doors of your hanok two days later.

The proximity of the southern king startles you and as a gust of wind blows by, some of his bright yellowish hair fly straight into your mouth, “Yoongi!” He fumbles as he pushes his hair back over his shoulder. “Apologies my queen.” There are at least two strands left in your face and Yoongi doesn’t hesitate to reach out his hand, taking out the strands with such tenderness, shivering when you feel the cold pads of his fingers against your cheek.

It takes you a moment before you realize what’s happening and you pull away, turning on your heel. “What are you doing here anyways?” you ask, sliding your doors close. You’re meant to wake a lot earlier than you did today and if you don’t hurry, you might just miss your music class with the village kids.

Yoongi hurries after you, trying to keep up with your pace, “I was…um…wondering if I could come to your class today?”

“You?” you think out loud, not sparing him a glance. You don’t put much thought to it with your haste to make it in time, and you tell him he’s free to do whatever he wants. He doesn’t say anything else after that, so you quicken your pace towards the palace gardens.

You reach the reserved spot in no time, with the children already settled in, chatting and playing among themselves. Just as you’d requested the night prior, your gayageum has been assembled just underneath the oak tree.

“Jungjeon-mama, who is that ahjussi behind you?” Turning to see who the child was pertaining to, you come to see Yoongi standing behind you, seemingly offended at how he’d been perceived to be way older than he actually is.

“Ahjussi?!” Yoongi exclaims, face twisted into a grimace, “Who are you calling ahjussi, kid?”

The children are taken aback by the tone of his voice, unaware that he hadn’t taken any offense with the child’s question. The poor boy’s lips quiver in fear. You give the southern king a quick glare before calling the boy over and letting him sit on your lap. While Yoongi approaches the both of you with a softened gaze, the boy nuzzles his head by the crook of your neck, murmuring his fright over the man’s temper.

“Hey little bud,” Yoongi crouches, tapping the boy’s shoulder twice to get the latter to face him. The boy peeks slowly from your neck, eyeing the blonde-haired man warily. “I’m sorry about earlier son. I was just surprised because no one had ever called me that ��“

He wasn’t actually going to explain it is he? You clear your throat, interrupting him. Yoongi’s mouth presses into a thin line.

“Right. Say, could you tell me your name?”

“It’s Jinseo.”

“Hello, Jinseo. It’s nice to meet you. My name is Yoongi. Could I make it up to you by playing a song?”

Jinseo paused, head titled slightly to the right as if in deep thought. “It isn’t mine to give you permission. You should ask Mama,” he says smartly, pointing at you. Kids are getting smarter these days.

“Jungjeon-mama?” Yoongi asks with an expectant look. With the other children following suit, you are left with no other choice but to say yes. Reluctantly, you lift yourself up together with Jinseo and taking a spot next to the other children.

“Let me just try to…” Yoongi adjusts himself on the seat, plucking the strings in an uncoordinated manner, “remember…” All of a sudden, he claps like he’d just produced gold from thin air, startling everyone around. “I got it! I got it now, don’t worry.”

You and Jinseo share a look.

If there was any discipline of the arts you could take pride for in yourself, it would have been music. Your father, King Daesin of the south, aside from occasionally practicing medicine, also had the ear for music. He had taught you how to play the gayageum, an instrument you’ve been acquainted with for as long as you could remember. Because of fair years of playing, you could freely boast to anyone that you’re quite exceptional at it, but now with Yoongi and his hands on your beloved instrument... Yoongi was tremendously better at it than you probably ever will be.

A smile creeps onto your face when you realize his acting earlier, pretending to be a beginner with the instrument when he could totally be mistaken for a musical prodigy. What a humble bragger. Yoongi had his eyes closed, pouring his emotion and soul onto the instrument, and even without having to enunciate lyrics to get the message across, it was clear to everyone that the song conveyed sadness in all forms. Each vibration of the string – every sound it made spoke in volumes, moving everyone present in class. By the time he’d finished, all the children were as silent as mice, rigid as statues. This was the first time you’ve seen them all well-behaved.

It also dawns on you that this was the first time any of you were deeply moved by music.

The rest of the class stay silent moments later, all in deep contemplation despite the differences in your ages. From your side, you hear a child sigh to the girl in front of her, “I came to class happy this morning. Now I’m sad.” All of a sudden, Jinseo scrambles out of your lap and rushes to Yoongi, hugging the older man’s side in an awkward manner. Yoongi is caught off guard by the gesture, patting the little boy’s head in a similarly awkward manner.

“Ahjussi,” Jinseo calls once more, maintaining his hold on Yoongi’s waist. The southern king heaves a deep sigh, knowing he’s going to have to deal with that a lot longer than he intended to be. “Why are you sad? You played sad music for us. Now we’re all sad too.” Yoongi is rendered speechless and looks at you with wide eyes, seeking for your help. “Uh...Jinseo, why don’t you ask your Yoongi-hyungnim to play us a happy song then?”

“A happy song!” Sheepishly, Yoongi cheers, clapping his hands in an attempt to get everyone back in high spirits. Thankfully, the children seem to enjoy the idea, so they goad the ahjussi on, wanting to see if he’s just as talented with cheery songs as he is with sorrowful ones.

With a small smile, Yoongi mouths a ‘thank you’ in your direction before placing his hands on the gayageum once more.

“Thank you for saving me a few times earlier during your class,” the southern king says, leaning towards you while he mimics your movements as you wave goodbye to the children. “You haven’t had much experience with children, haven’t you?” you raise a brow at him while a laugh escapes your lips.

“I’m afraid I don’t,” Yoongi replies, chuckling to himself.

“It’s good practice though, what you did earlier. One day, you’re going to be a father as well.”

Yoongi eyes you slowly from the side, checking if you realize the gravity of your words. His eyes lower down to your stomach, imagining if the baby growing inside of it was his own blood. Perhaps it was? Perhaps it wasn’t?

He’d been especially concerned about your well-being since last week when shocking news had been continuously delivered right to your arms. He wanted to approach you badly during those rough days, but you were far too pre-occupied to even spare him a second glance. The young king wonders how much of a difficulty it might be for you, but all he wanted was to show you that he was willing to support you in any way that he can.

Yoongi sees Hoseok approach with the jumeoni he’d personally prepared early in the morning. He sees his brother trail not far behind, studying the silk bag in Hoseok’s hands. The southern king had been nervous since last night, continuously practicing his lines to the point where he’s not sure why he’s doing it in the first place. It’s now or never.

“Jungjeon-mama?”

Yoongi winces inwardly as he hears his own voice wavering. Heavens. Why was he so nervous around you? You turn to him with a warm smile. Ah yes – that’s why.

“May I invite you for a walk?” The southern king asks as he beckons his general over who hands him the silk bag. “And lunch perhaps?”

You pause for a moment, recalling your thoughts if you had anything else planned after your music class with the children. Yoongi tries hard to not show too much excitement when he hears your yes. Extending his arm out, he motions for you to walk with him. He feels Jungkook follow you both, and he leans to your side a little, whispering, “I was wondering if we could perhaps…go alone?”

You look at him, as if studying his facial expressions. Turning around, you tell Jungkook to stay put. The captain’s eyes dart back and forth, giving his own older brother a steely gaze before nodding his head and bowing to you. “Don’t worry captain. I’ll scream loudly if anything bad happens,” you tell him as a reassurance.

“In all seriousness, Mama…” Yoongi says, putting on a stern face, even though you are both experiencing clear difficulty with keeping a straight face after hearing Yoongi’s stories. “…do I seriously look like an ahjussi to you?”  

You place a hand over your mouth, ineffectively hiding your giggles. Yoongi grimaces, clutching his chest to express his hurt over your reaction. “We can’t blame the kids though. And besides, Jinseo had a valid point.” The young king gives you a playful glare.

Yoongi had been expressing his sentiments over the whole ‘ahjussi’ situation earlier, arguing that he didn’t have enough wrinkles on his face to be even considered one. In Jinseo’s earlier defense though, he stated that only old people had white hair, and if he wasn’t old – why would he even have white hair in the first place. To which, of course, an agitated Yoongi replies: “It’s not white. It’s yellow…ish. And it’s bleach! It’s something I discovered during an overseas travel! A lot of people have this kind of hair color…”

“How are you feeling? Is your pregnancy going well?”

“How did you know about my pregnancy?” Yoongi shrugs as he replies, “Walls are never thick enough to hide news like that.” “Oh.” ‘Oh’ is an appropriate reaction, Yoongi reckons, as he’s had the same sort of response when he’d heard of the news.

“Well, for one, our royal physician Taehyung had scheduled regular visits to keep my condition in check. So there’s that. He advises that as long as keep a stress-free environment, my pregnancy will be just fine.”

Using your chopsticks, you fiddle with the mandu he’s made hours prior, deep in thought as you stare into the distance.

Yoongi hopes that the apparent death of your husband isn’t conducive of stress of a stress-free environment. He makes an inward scoff – as if that’s most likely going to happen. If he’s already thorned by occurrences that seem insignificant to those of the capitol’s then he could only imagine the sort of struggle you have to go through, especially when the backbone of your government is composed of vile men who are strongly displeased by the thought of having a woman on the throne.

The young man lies on his back, stretching out his legs to get rid of the tingling on his soles due to their prolonged sitting. With a long exhale, he closes his eyes, letting his thoughts drift along with the steady breeze.

He knows he’s neglecting his duties as the king of the south by prolonging his stay here, but Seokjin’s death won't settle with him nicely. He has to get to the bottom of this. Even if he’s still holding a grudge against Seokjin for taking you away from the south (and had even secretly wished him dead at some point) he could never plunge a sword to another king, much more to the same one who had taken care of the woman he wanted to call his wife.

He hears rustling from your side, and Yoongi opens his eyes a little to check on you. He watches you clean the bowls and reorganize them back onto the bag he’d brought. You slowly start to turn to face him and Yoongi quickly shuts his eyes, solely relying on his other sense to figure out what’s happening.

“Oh? You must’ve fallen asleep huh?” Yoongi hears more rustling around. “Maybe you could still listen to me even during slumber…” You inhale deeply, “You know…Seokjin was always good with children.”

Yes. Of course, speaking of the spirit.

“Jinseo was one of his favorite students. Jinseo was actually really shy and quiet at first – yet for some inexplicable reason, Seokjin had successfully helped him to come out of his shell and the little boy has been brighter since. Seokjin was always so playful yet so gentle at the same time that whenever he’d visit our classes the children would go crazy over him.”

Well, that’s nice to hear, especially when he’d made a particularly bad first impression with the children earlier.

There’s momentary silence. Yoongi hears a sniff – and a shaky exhale afterwards.

“I miss him Yoongi.” Another sniff. “I miss him so much that it hurts every day. Everything reminds me of him.” The sound of your silent crying rings throughout his ears, yet he can't bring himself to get up and wipe them away, fearing it might cause you to stop pouring your heart out.

Mourning was part of healing. You’d feel lighter after crying. At least that’s what he’d learned from having lost his mother too.

At the same time, Yoongi feels his chest constrict at your words. While you pour your fears out to his sleeping form, he struggles with maintaining a stoic face to keep his act up. His empathy is fighting to register in his features, and when he can no longer hold it in, he turns his back to you, swallowing back his emotions that threaten to pour out after years of hiding.

“Jeonha, I can't seem to find any sign of him anywhere.”

Hoseok slowly and carefully gets back up from his crouching position, groaning in relief as he hears his joints cracking as he twists his torso from side to side. Yoongi does the same, shaking his legs one at a time to get rid of the numbness.

It’s been a few hours since they’ve arrived and Yoongi is getting more hopeless with every passing moment. They have searched everywhere for anything – any sign that he’s still alive.

He’d promised you he’d find your husband and bring him back. Even though you hadn’t exactly heard the silent vow of the southern king, he was a man of his word and he’ll be sure to do everything in his capacity to do it.

Yoongi couldn’t even find the reason why he was going to do it or why he should do it in the first place – whether it be for his own peace of mind, for your happiness, or for the future of the country.

He knew they’d left Seokjin that night and the chances that his fellow ruler was still alive was almost slim to none. He knows that trying to look for a clue and actually succeeding was going to be a long shot, especially when it has already been quite some time Yoongi had returned this morning to make sure but after hours of looking, the place was clean and empty, thus pushing down that gut feeling that maybe, just maybe, your husband was still alive.

Else he’d be forced to prolong his stay and resort to more meddling to protect you from harm.

They’ve already gone through this area, Yoongi thinks, recognizing the same stump he’d seen earlier. He settles himself on the tree remainder and picks up a fallen leaf. Just then, something glimmers from the ground and the curious king bends over once more, picking it up. It’s a bracelet.

Yoongi scoffs to himself: an even more shocking discovery. It’s not just any bracelet – it’s the kind of bracelet only royals can have. And if that isn’t the most astounding part of it yet, etched in the gold pendant is the emblem of the south.

Besides you, there could only be one other person who’d be wearing the same. If he’s still alive that is.

The man’s wife places a comforting hand on her husband’s shoulder, massaging them gently to ease the tension on his muscles. She’s never seen him his distraught since…since they left their previous home. Eunkyung is unsure how to give her husband the least solace, not when the circumstances only allow them to hope for the best.

For a moment, they stay like that, quiet and observant. In fact, they had been for almost a full moon, just watching the man they had taken into their home. The man had been looking for firewood that early morning, and he’d found this severely wounded man barely alive in the woods.

He’d carried the man on his back and hurried back home, his initial quest and the pains that came with old age completely forgotten. He had closed off one of his rooms reserved for his patients to tend to this not-so-stranger and had let his wife tend to his other patients while he carefully worked this man back to life for weeks.

“Do you think he will still wake?”

The man is unable to answer promptly as he tenderly takes the sick man’s hand in his and says a short prayer to his ancestors, as well as incorporating a lesson he’d learned back when he was still an apprentice – that human touch was an integral part of the art of medicinal healing.

The physician faces his wife and pulls her closer, likewise placing her hand on top of his and letting her join in his silent prayer. His thumb runs over the ring on the man’s finger, remembering a similar one of his own possession quite a few years back.

“He will. That is what I believe and that is what we are also praying for,” the man replies, checking the temperature of the cloth he’d laid on his patient’s forehead. It’s warm when he takes it, and he makes a mental note to cite this observation in his notes.

“Daesin,” Eunkyung calls, touching her husband’s now bare wrists, “your bracelet…where is it?”

The man sighs heavily, deflated as he rests his weight on his calves. “I…I don’t know, really. I must have lost it when I carried him home.”

It was the only thing reminding him of his past, of you, especially. Now it’s gone – but it really doesn’t matter anymore, not when something, or someone else rather had come into his life so easily. His patient was far more important than any bracelet that proved his previous rule over the southern city.

“I really hope he will get better soon.”

“He has to,” Daesin reiterates, hoping they’d eventually come true, “He has to get better because he’s my son-in-law.”

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© joontier 2020

[steves-on-a-plane]

Public Relations

Written for: @star-spangled-bingo​ 2021!  (& All Caps Flash Bingo!)     Words: 1563 All Caps Flash Square Filled: “That’s America’s Ass.” Pairing: Sam Wilson x Reader   Warnings: none Summary: Reader and Sam assigned to film some videos for the Avenger’s various social media accounts. This happens often and with the two friends spending so much time together, will thier friendship turn into something more?

Most of the Avengers treated PR and press events like a chore. It was just something you all had to do, but very rarely wanted to do. You understood why someone like Tony who’d practically grown up under the media’s microscope would feel that way, but you didn’t. Of course, you also didn’t consider yourself the “A Team.” What had started as a joke between you and Sam Wilson had begun to feel less so over the years. The A Team consisted of the six founding Avengers, everyone who came after that was the B Team.

While the A team was out saving the world, press junkets and creating an online presence often fell into the purview of the B Team. The media team did most of the heavy lifting. They managed everyone’s twitter, instagram and other social media accounts. You were still expected to contribute here and there but the major responsibly was in appearances.  They could be in person or otherwise.

“You know, with Spider kid and the wizard we’ve got almost enough people to start a C team.” Sam Wilson commented as he parked his car in the lot where you’d be filming for the day. You and Sam had been tasked with filming a few segments for the Avenger’s Youtube channel.

“Wilson, I think we’re the C team.” You sighed, getting out of the car.

“Why? Just because they’ve got the two of us coming down here to spend our whole Saturday filming videos like ‘What Type of Cat is Your Favorite Avenger’?” Sam laughed. “You’re looking at it all wrong, [Y/N]. People like us. That’s why we get pulled to do these things so often. They think we have real chemistry.”

“Well, we should. We’re good friends.” You said, heading into the studio.

“Right, friends.” He mumbled before following after you.

As the day went on you and Sam filmed several videos, some together and some separate. A few of the others drop by for an hour or so each just to add a bit of variety. You and Scott Lang filmed a cooking video together where the entire recipe was in French, a language neither of you spoke. The PR team assured you it would get laughs from the audience while showing that Avengers can do anything even if they’d never done it before. On one of your breaks, you watch Bucky and Sam film some type of trivia video that involved knife throwing.

At long last, the day was coming to an end you and Sam had just one video left to film together. It had been nice seeing some other faces around the studio, but you knew what Sam had said earlier was true. When looking at the numbers, videos with you or Sam typically performed better than videos with any other B Team Avengers. Videos with the two of you? They rivaled those of Steve or Tony.

“You doing okay, [Y/N]? That last video looked rough.” Sam asked when you slipped into the stool next to him.

“It’s a miracle nothing caught on fire.” You confessed. “I’m glad Bucky was there because I may have burned the whole studio to the ground on my own. You?”

“I’m ready to get this over with and get some dinner.” He told you.

“Always thinking about food, Wilson.” You smiled. Someone gave you and Sam the signal so that you knew the cameras were going to start rolling. Once filming began, the producer re-explained the concept of the video. You and Sam were going to be show photos of fellow Avengers and had to guess who was in the photo. It was a nice lighthearted video to go out on.

“So it’s like a weirdly specific game a Guess Who.” Sam summarized. “Okay let’s do this. The first photo was of an elbow. Immediately Sam started to laugh. “Now c’mon y’all! How am I supposed to know who that is?”

“It’s Clint.” You answered without hesitation.

“That’s correct. This elbow belongs to Clint Barton.” The producer agreed.

“How the heck?” Sam looked over to you with surprise.

“You can see bruises on his forearm from his recurve bow.” You pointed to the area of the photo where the bruise was barely visible.

“Okay, well I’m gonna need to step it up then. Next Picture.” He rubbed his hands together eagerly. The next photo was a zoomed in image of what looked like brunette hair.

“That’s Bucky!” You exclaimed. “I’d know those chestnut locks anywhere.”

“Do you have an answer sheet over there or something?” Sam questioned. He looked around the set, pretending to search for an answer sheet written somewhere.

“No, but we did just have lunch today so maybe he’s fresh on my mind. Tell you what I’ll let you get a head start on the next one.” You offered. The photo changed to someone’s backside. Almost immediately you recognized a pair of what could only be described as “dad khakis.” You knew that derriere could only belong to one Avenger. Sam took a few minutes to scrutinize the photo before looking to you.

“Go ahead.” He said impatiently. “I can see you biting your lip over there trying to hold back.”

“I-ah…” You realized he was right, you’d been biting your lip since the producer changed the image. “C’mon Sam, it’s an obvious one!” You gestured towards the photo trying to help him out.

“Obviously not!” Sam quipped.

“That is America’s Ass!” You said, leaping up of your stool. Sam began to laugh again. “Can’t you tell that’s Steve?”

“Well excuse me for not knowing what all of my co-workers butts look like!” He chuckled. The producer changed the photo again and announced it would be the last one. This time the photo was a close up of an eye. It was a beautiful eye with slight flecks of gold towards the edges. It was gorgeous, but it was ruining your perfect streak because you couldn’t identify who the eye belonged to.

“Cmon!” Sam was grinning widely now. “You don’t know whose eye that is?”

“Oh, and you do?” You raised an eyebrow at him and laughed. “You haven’t gotten one of these right yet!”

“As a matter of fact, I know exactly who those eyes belong to. Those stunning eyes belong to the equally as stunning [Y/N].” Sam answered confidently.

“Correct. [Y/N], those are your eyes.” The producer agreed. You and Sam wrapped up the video, by filming a quick outro. After getting all clear from producers, you and Sam were done for the day. You left the studio and walked back towards his car.

“You know it’s crazy how observant you are.” Sam commented. “I mean that thing about Clint, that wasn’t scripted right? Or did you actually notice that?”

“No of course it wasn’t scripted.” You answered. You’d reached his car by now. The two of you were talking to each other over the hood of his car. “But I mean I obviously wasn’t that observant. I didn’t recognize my own eyes. What an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot, you’re just not used to looking at your own eyes. Who is?” Sam shrugged from the other side of the vehicle.

“Are you saying that you knew those were my eyes because you’re used to staring at them?” You teased him.

“I been lost in them a time or two.” He confessed casually. You felt your cheeks flush at the compliment.

“I’m glad we got to spend the day together, Sam. Believe it or not, I look forward to our Saturday Studio dates.” You said before getting into the passenger’s seat of Sam’s car.

“You know,” Sam opened his driver’s side door and leaned into the car. “We could make it an official date. I’m thinking dinner and a movie?”

“A date with the oh so charming Sam Wilson?” You questioned in an old timey Southern Belle voice. “If I should be so lucky!”

“Alright, alright, it was just a suggestion.” He shook his head and climbed behind the steering wheel. “You don’t have to mock me.”

“Sam, I wasn’t trying to mock you.” You promised very seriously. “I’d love to go on a date with you.”

“You don’t have to pity me.” Sam said, a smirk already working its way onto his face as he back out of his parking spot. You reached over and put your left hand on his right knee.

“I’m not pitying you, but I am a little exhausted, so you’ll have to forgive me if this comes off as less than authentic. I’ve been hoping that you’d ask me on a date since Steve first introduced us. I even though about asking you out a few times, but then we started working together more and I didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship or make it awkward…”

“Awkward?” Sam repeated. “Impossible, we go together like Peanut butter and jelly!”

“I don’t like jelly.” You told him wrinkling up your face in disgust.

“What about Nutella? You like Nutella? Of course, you do, everybody does. We’ll be peanut butter and Nutella then.” He amended his statement.

“Mmm now I kind of want peanut butter and Nutella crepes.” You hummed, imagining the sweet flavorful pastry.

“Well, lucky for you, I know an amazing creperie on the other side of town. It’s a perfect place for our first date.” He decided.

[sepublic]

G1 Starscream Ramblings

           The interesting thing to me about G1 Starscream, specifically the one from the cartoon is… He very much gives me ‘young upstart vibes’, the hot-headed rookie that’s fresh into war, just graduated, and is eager to fight and prove himself. Especially with his line about how ‘his time will come’, I get the vibe that Starscream sees Megatron as almost being outdated hardware, some crankety old-timer whose come and gone and outlived his prime (eventually literally as of the movie), which fits with how Megs was around since the beginning and founded the Decepticons from the start.

           And it’s this disrespectful, irreverent attitude, that constant questioning because he lacks experience and assumes it’s way simpler and easier than it actually is… It all just (star)screams new, fresh recruit who thinks he’s all that, wide-eyed and idealized and thinking he can take on the entire world, instead of being a battle-hardened veteran who’s been humbled and is more prone to the realities of war and its complexities. It’d play into Starscream being so power-hungry, wanting instant gratification and glory, and always being impatient about this sort of thing without really thinking things through, he’s an impulsive brat.

           Maybe he’s even the Cybertronian equivalent to a rich brat who got where he did thanks to his family’s high-end connections, and so there’s always that judging from more experienced soldiers about how Starscream is clearly operating on a lot of privilege, wearing shoes multiple sizes too big for him, and generally making a fool of himself as he parades around, treating the whole situation like an opportunity for fame and adulation, like he’s some celebrity indulging in the fun, and not a general and a commander who has to keep fighting for the cause, make the right and mature calls, all that.

           Because it’s worth noting that a lot of times in G1, he ends up acting out-of-line and doing costly maneuvers that hinder the Decepticons- Most notably, trying to bury the Autobots and accidentally awakening them in the process. And it’s this eagerness to get into fighting and prove himself that leads to Starscream short-sightedly wanting to focus on attacking the Autobots because they’re right there, picking a fight- When Megatron, who is older and more level-headed, has to steer this brash new kid in the right direction, set him on track with the proper agenda and mission. Maybe whip him into shape a bit, and this could all play into Megs’ patience because Starscream is just a dumb kid, so he’s willing to give him some more doubt- Give Starscream some time to actually cool down and taste reality and he’ll surely fall into line.

           He’s like some kid who grew up on military propaganda and bought into a bit too well, saw himself too much in those glamorous posters and manufactured, idealized images; So he’s pretty disappointed that it doesn’t turn out the way he expected it to. Starscream is like that popular kid in high school who always had a clique trailing behind him, and he kind of took it for granted how much he meant to these people because clearly their worlds revolve around him, which makes him all the more blindsided when he turns for help and his ‘friends’ immediately abandon him at the drop of a hat.

          All of Starscream’s ‘friends’ and social situations were blatantly manufactured and brought up by somebody else, but he thinks it was all him so he’s in for a real shock when Starscream is by himself- And people don’t immediately fall in line at his beck and call, so he falters. He’s out of his environment, just graduated all of his usual tricks don’t work, try as he might to stubbornly reapply them like a hammer with anything that looks remotely nail-shaped. It’s this kind of idiotic hypocrisy that makes Starscream not realize that people who do put up with him only do so because they have to, and/or they’re opportunistically kissing up to his façade the way he does with others. Starscream’s grandiose imagination and outlandish, fantasy ‘ideas’ straight out of fiction and films that clearly don’t work in real life, clearly need to be reined in.

           I also like to think that similar to that comparison I made earlier, he DOES have connections- Maybe it’s a Team Rocket situation, where the character is incompetent… But they had a parent who the leader greatly respected, and so they begrudgingly put up with their kid’s foolish antics and incompetent failures out of respect for that posthumous minion’s last wishes. Kind of like Hopper from A Bug’s Life really wanting to kill his brother, but because his mother explicitly told him NOT to on her deathbed, he kind of has to force himself not to because he still feels beholden to her- But there’s certainly no warmth on his end just because that person he respects, was fond of this dude he hates.

           It could factor into Megatron constantly tolerating Starscream as a thorn in his side… And really, Starscream seems to be even more of an idiot at times than Megatron, what with Megatron going into a spiel that one time about how Starscream lost because he lacked strategy. Perhaps Starscream is, like, SUPER skilled in combat, a beast and a force to be reckoned with on the battlefield; And if he’s doing so well and he’s so strong, then surely this means he’s fit to be leader, because obviously the Decepticon who’s the best fighter should lead, right? It’s a gross oversimplification of a narrow-minded worldview… And I imagine Starscream also somewhat got where he was because of privilege, so he kind of takes a lot of things for granted here about how the Decepticon faction works and its hierarchy and rules.

          Perhaps Starscream being an utter beast in combat contributes to Megatron keeping him around- He IS useful, he just needs some proper guidance and a good head to productively channel that ability. He’s confusing fighting ability with actual tactical leadership and charisma, but beyond that, Starscream clearly knows how to get out of a scrape, and has no reservations about playing dirty to add to his already potent combat skills as-is. So Megatron still has some hopes for Starscream, while sternly warning him not to make him regret his decision in further tolerating his nonsense- Because Megatron likes to think he’s a forgive and forget kind of guy, but only to people who justify themselves in his eyes as being strong and powerful, traits he actually respects.

          Maybe Megatron even sees a little bit of his young self in Starscream, and so there’s that hope for a pay-off; That if he just gives Starscream a chance and proper guidance, that if the kid has someone who can set him on the right track and help him figure things out- Then he can really live up to his potential! Because that’s what Starscream is- Potential. Raw, untapped potential, clumsily thrown about and unrefined… But it’s there and Megatron would hate to make a waste of it, especially since this whole conflict is about resources; Even the hedonistic Decepticons have to be mindful of how they use things, how efficient they are.

           Of course, having his constant patience and mercy, his tolerating, waiting in eternal hope for his investment into Starscream to finally pay off… Megatron is tired of giving him second chances, tired of how ungrateful this brat is, and how his failures keep adding up. So when Starscream straight-up throws him out to die, coupled with his reformatting into Galvatron… And Galvatron’s had about enough of this, he’s done and sick and tired of Starscream’s antics. After having people put up with him for so long, Starscream really begins to overestimate just how important and useful he is to them, that eventually he’ll reach a point where his negatives outweigh his positives, but he never considers this and believes he’ll always be allowed back into the fold after each betrayal…

          Literally everything about Starscream’s coronation yells in-over-his-head kid who really has to compensate for his lack of leadership and respect from others by playing up the adulation and the glamour, but… If he HAD been given a chance to actually lead, his reckless impatience and short-sightedness would’ve definitely led the Decepticons to ruin, and someone would’ve had to stage a coup. Even Starscream’s use in combat would stop paying off for him as he becomes too much of a liability.

          And it’s this inexperienced, clearly insecure demeanor that makes Starscream impatiently yell at the Constructicons to get to the point. He really can’t make up his mind and stick to it, so even though he has this music being played in the first place, Starscream just as quickly regrets and finds it annoying because he’s not particularly deliberate nor thoughtful about what he does. He knows what others think of them, that they don’t respect nor take him seriously, and it gets to his head and makes him irrationally angry because he doesn’t know to handle this, he expected this to be so much easier, to be as simple and done as THIS. Starscream really isn’t equipped to handle actually navigating around people from a charismatic standpoint and earning their trust, especially given his history as backstabber who has no concept of loyalty and bonds because he’s arrogant enough to think he can do it all on his own.

          And when faced with genuine adversity and reality, as we see… Starscream very immaturely fumbles and trips, and then defaults to begging and pleading because he hasn��t built up much of a spine, and he’s still an idealistic kid who clearly hasn’t built himself up and his fortitude all that well. He’s promising with snot dribbling down his nose that he won’t screw up this time, please give him a second chance he didn’t MEAN it, he seriously did not expect nor consider the consequences of his actions, nor how they could backfire and blow up in his face.

          Starscream is an upper-class snob who doesn’t really get it, he’s eager for approval because he’s young but also clearly selfish and ungrateful about it, because he’s always entitled to that thing and so when it DOES come around, it both means a lot, but also it’s about time, he was waiting for so long just to get the bare minimum he was owed, don’t pat yourself on the back for doing what you’re already meant to. And when things go wrong, Starscream blunders and starts to doubt himself because he was pampered, privileged, and sheltered, constantly told he was amazing- And so he doesn’t actually know how to handle failure and was always used to things coming easily to him on a silver platter, while having someone else to clean up the mess for him and protect him from the consequences. Starscream doesn’t appreciate the actual work that it takes for things, he’s basically spoiled and out of his environment in this military setting where nobody is having it.

           Of course, when Starscream IS spared and recovers, he then silently fumes because he totally would’ve succeeded had THIS happened, or if this other person hadn’t screwed up- And then he fails to learn any of his lessons and keeps trying to take over and take charge, because obviously he knows better and he thinks all of his ideas are the best in the world. When faced with past failures, he doesn’t learn he just denies them as soon as they’re not being shoved in his face anymore, like a child who wet the bedsheets and is now frantically hiding them. He has no real clue nor idea about what he’s doing, but as soon as it’s over he again takes for granted the safety net that his fellow Decepticons begrudgingly provide, and wants again continues to test their patience and resources.

           So, when Galvatron DOES come around and kill Starscream- The Decepticons are clearly elated, and if we’re being real here… They were all probably thinking of ways to assassinate or depose Starscream, or at least play to his ego so he could remain a figurehead who occasionally goes out into battle doing the one thing he’s good at, while his oh-so-loyal lieutenants do the dirty, unglamorous work of actually being a tactician and leader for hm. Starscream wants all of the power and fame, but like- NONE of the actual work and responsibility, that’s too much for him to actually work on so he just stamps his foot frustratedly when others don’t treat him with the respect he deserves, because he DOES recognize his own potential and expects other to revere Starscream for what he could be, VS what he actually currently is… And because he’s so caught up in the idea of what he thinks he’ll inevitably be, he never works on his current self so he can actually get to that point.

           Like I said- Galvatron killing him saved the Decepticons a LOT of much-needed stress and headaches. It got that young brat and upstart out of the way so they could all get to business and not have to deal with his nonsense anymore, because he ain’t getting any deader! There was some hesitation about what COULD be lost if they did away with him, but now he’s gone and so all they can do is just reap the benefits of Starscream’s death! It’s almost relieving- Like YEAH, we were prepared on how to handle this… But then Galvatron came and made things so much easier, he got this off our hands and he’s clearly bold and decisive and knows what he’s doing, taking out Starscream made him VERY popular, in addition to basically being Megatron with a new coat of paint;

           Up until his lava-bath fried his circuits… And then Galvatron basically became the Decepticon Leader Starscream that everybody feared, ironically enough. And then it was Cyclonus who had to do the job of looking after this dude, who was less a reckless young upstart and more like a senile old veteran gone mad and blindly waving his cane around; And then complications get worse when Starscream somehow returns as a GHOST, because why not? Sure, let’s go with that, we already have Galvatron seemingly saving us from Starscream, only to become the new one… Let’s compare him with the original and see what happens, why not? There must’ve been a lot of collective groans of exhaustion at each and every new development.

          The Decepticons must be so exasperated, it really feels like they’ve been on a downward slope, outlived their prime and golden age since the Battle of Autobot City… Yet despite Megatron’s failures they remember him fondly because he did a lot of other things right, was otherwise charismatic, and seemed pretty close to actually winning, all things considered. And so the Decepticons are too caught up in their delusional nostalgia and what-ifs, the way Starscream is about his own future, to really remember that Megatron kind of screwed them over with that risky, costly maneuver that clearly didn’t pay off.

[ka-za-ri]

Personal Assistant Pt. 2

Part 1: Here Part 3: here Part 4: here Part 5: here Part 6: here Part 7: Here Crossposted to Ao3: here

Hi. Hello. Thank you for reading the first chapter and for all the new follows. I’m still new to this whole fandom so excuse me if I overstep any boundaries. Unbeta’d because we die like heroes here. Please leave a comment or something idk, validate me?

Pairing: Lucifer x Reader Wordcount: 5,900 ish Genre: Smut Tags: Edging, Oral Sex, Orgasm denial, masturbation, sex toys, under-desk blowjob, sexual tension, sex on a desk, overstimulation

Probation Period

Lucifer wasn’t joking when he said you would be occupied with a lot of work. The first two weeks at the office were dedicated to acquainting yourself to the systems you would be using on a daily basis, learning the location of all the supplies as well as memorizing  what floors all the departments were. It was a proper nine-to-five with all the bells and whistles of benefits, overtime pay and paid-time-off as long as it was approved. Being so close to the head of the company, you came to realize just how much work actually needed to be done. Lucifer’s schedule was always full and you were constantly trying to squeeze in just one more meeting for him. It almost made the interview you went to feel like a feverish dream. 

Every now and then, you would steal a glance over to your boss after he finished speaking with another department head or analyst. The two of you would lock gazes and for a moment there would be a heat that welled up between your legs reminding you that everything he promised was real. 

You thought you were prepared for the job with your skill set, figuring fluency with an office suite was the bare minimum. However, you never thought you’d be learning six other proprietary systems while also having to answer a phone that never stopped ringing. 

Humans didn’t know many things; but, they could always be easily taught anything in the world with some proper training.

For someone who had lived hundreds of years, ensuring that you were well trained to actually handle the duties of his office before starting proper private lessons was a small price to pay. It barely passed in his mind that you could be needy and wanting more of what he had offered the night you signed your contract with him. He often looked fondly over the document after hours when even you had gone home, smirking in pride when he knew you hadn’t read everything thoroughly. No one ever did. 

You were beginning to think that the promise of “after hour activities” had all been made up and fell into a rhythm at work, quickly becoming efficient at weeding out the unnecessary meetings and phone calls by settling the issues at hand with a well worded email.Things were settling and finally you were in a lull where you could comfortably work and not feel like you were drowning in information. Still, even if you were a month and a half into your new position, the last thing he told you the night of the interview rang in your head. 

“Wear the same lipstick, will you? I’d love to see what that color looks like smeared all over my cock.” 

Ever since that night, you came into work with the same shade of red on your lips, hoping it would be the day he would get to see what the image of your lipstick all over his hard length looked like. It became so ingrained in your routine, you had even bought a few more tubes of the same color, just in case the current one you had ran out. 

Yet, nothing. No indications whatsoever from Lucifer that he took notice how obedient you were of his request. No outward signs that he was even remotely as affected as he was on the night of the interview. Soon enough, you had chalked it up to some persuasive tactics he used to get you to work for him. 

So, it was much to your surprise when you walked into the office in the beginning of your second month and found a small box sitting at your desk. Once your things were put away, curiosity got the better of you and you opened the non-descript box. The moment your eyes laid on the phallic object inside, you gasped and dropped it back onto your desk. 

“Is it not to your liking?” Lucifer’s low, silky voice came from behind you. He had somehow soundlessly made his way to your desk, watching your every move as you unwrapped his gift to you. 

“I uh… Uhm…” 

“A present… for making it through your first month here.” He explained, coaxing you out of your chair and bending you over your desk. Your body was as pliable and malleable as he remembered it to be. 

“I… Thank you… Lucifer…” you breathed, swallowing hard as you eyed the object nestled in the box. 

“Let me help you into it.” He offered, taking it into his hand. He moved one of your legs to be propped up on the top of your desk, the AC hitting your heat in a way it hadn’t in what felt like ages. Nearly nothing had been done and a fog of desire had already settled upon your brain. 

Now that he had an excellent view of your panties, he rubbed the stout, girthy toy up and down your slit, watching as your body twitched in reaction. Pushing your panties to the side, he pressed the tip of the toy into your pussy only to have a strangled gasp come from you as you weren’t wet enough to accept it yet. 

“I should have expected as much…” He murmured to himself. How foolish of him to forget that even if you had been in his care for the last month, your true training was starting today. Of course he couldn’t expect you to be as wet as he wanted as soon as you walked in. “Stay still.” He commanded and the warmth of his body left your side. 

Making his way to his desk, he unlocked a drawer and took out a bottle of lube. Generously coating the toy while he walked back to you, you saw the same glittering darkness in his eyes that made your heart race from the interview. Fearful that you had disappointed him, you started babbling apologies and begged for his forgiveness, promising to do better. He hushed you with a firm glare before going back to what he was doing. “The only thing you need to apologize for, is if you’re unable to be wet enough to take this first thing in the morning by next week.” he said coolly. 

The slick toy now much easier to slide into you was met with only the resistance of your tight pussy as he pushed it into you. “Starting today, you’ll wear this during your working hours.” He readjusted your panties once the vaginal plug was snuggly in you, the bottom of it just peeking out between your lips before your underwear covered them once again. Satisfied, he helped your leg down from the desk and put the bottle of lube into one of your drawers. “Don’t let it fall out now.” He said with a self satisfied smirk, turning heel and heading back to his desk as if nothing ever happened. 

The plug inside of you stretched you out and filled you deliciously so. However it wasn’t nearly large or long enough to properly satisfy you. Sitting down at your chair to start your own duties for the day, it pressed further into you, stimulating you and made it hard to concentrate on your tasks at hand. As hard as focusing was, the fear of disappointing Lucifer looming over you was even more oppressive. Any moment your mind wandered to the stretch your pussy was feeling, you forcibly had to look at something else or distract yourself with phone calls in order to get through the day. 

No matter how many distracting tasks you came up with, it did nothing to quell your arousal. The way the toy pressed at your entrance and teased all the spots inside of you that needed attention had your nerves on fire. You weren’t sure how you were going to survive if you needed to wear it on the regular. By the time your shift ended, there was a significant wet spot on your chair and on the back of your skirt. You were eternally lucky that there hadn’t been any physical meetings set up for the day. Though, you weren’t quite sure if it was actually luck or if Lucifer had orchestrated the day to work out like that for you. 

Regardless,cleaning up the mess you became in the bathroom was an adventure. The toy easily slid out of you and you groaned from both relief and desire. Having it inside of you all day only made you want something more. More being specifically Lucifer’s cock dragging itself in and out of your walls. As you washed the toy and stowed it away in its designated drawer, your mind meandered, wondering if today would be the day that you would see your lipstick on his dick. 

It was very much to your dismay though, when you came out of the bathroom, Lucifer had already left for the day and you were alone with your thoughts and a throbbing, aching pussy. 

~~

The moment you got home, you frantically searched under your bed for the box that held your own small collection of toys and grabbed the first one that you knew could satisfy you in the way you had been craving all day. Thrusting it into your sopping core, you moaned wantonly, throwing your head back and flopping onto your bed, not caring to take off any more clothes than absolutely necessary. 

The toy worked in and out of you and you bucked against it. Almost forgetting that it could vibrate, you turned it on and let it do its work, making you moan as you shoved its full length into you. If only it was Lucifer and not a piece of silicone. If only he had bent you over the desk after work and filled you. Your fingers rubbed at your clit and you angled the toy to brush against your g-spot, gasping and writing in pleasure as your vision filled with stars. You panted heavily, the pressure of an orgasm building quickly in your abdomen and you couldn’t wait for the release it would give you. It only took a few more hard thrusts of the toy on its highest setting before you came undone, crying out gratefully and spasming around it, your mind reeling in the euphoria of getting off after hours of being teased by a damn toy. 

But it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t him. And it somehow felt dirty that you had cum without his permission, without his heated gaze on your body. A feeling of shame and guilt washed over your body while you powered the toy off, gasping for air after the whirlwind fucking you had given yourself. You whined, pulling it out of you rolled over, the initial high had been great but it left you feeling dissatisfied for some reason. 

It was as if your pleasure belonged to Lucifer. No matter what you did to yourself, it wouldn’t be nearly the same as what he could give you. Your pussy ached for more stimulation just thinking about him, even if you had just cum. Yet, you couldn’t bring yourself to relieve yourself unless it was at his behest. Sighing heavily, you dragged your limp body to the shower to get rid of the mess between your legs and to prepare for another day of long torment without relief in sight. 

~~

It took less than a week to train yourself to be wet enough to slide the vaginal plug into you without the aid of lube. First thing in the morning, Lucifer got a front row show of you parting your legs, taking the toy out of the drawer and putting it in you. You adapted quickly, kicking your skirt up before you sat down so that your bare ass came in contact with the chair and you would have less to clean up. Lucifer was kind enough to have the foresight to supply you with a leather chair to ensure your essence could be easily wiped up at the end of your shif. Ever since the first night, the desire to be fucked only grew in you. You hadn’t touched yourself since then, hoping, praying that he would show you mercy and relieve you in a way only he could. 

Ah, but Lucifer was cruel and he took his training very seriously. As soon as he knew you had grown accustomed to the first toy he introduced, he was ready to push your limits again as yet another gift graced your desk a week later. The butt plug, adorned with a glittering red jewel made you swallow hard. You hadn’t ever explored using your other hole, but Lucifer was at least gentle as he trained your asshole open that morning. 

Plenty of lube dribbled down your backside as he slowly worked the hard metal plug, pressing it against your tight ass and easing it into you, cooing and praising you the whole time. He pet your hair as you gasped from being stretched to your limit, he stroked your face as the plug finally slid into you and your whole body was alight with a flurry of sensations. “Good girl…” he praised softly, planting a kiss on your cheek before going back to work. As soon as you sat down, you knew you had a long day ahead of you as the duality of having both holes filled cast a fog over your mind.

Part of his responsibility as a boss to you was to make sure you were cared for, looked after and treasured even if his normal disposition was rather chilly. He was a stern businessman after all, but he did dote on you in some ways. The main way being that he made sure to be there every morning to fit the anal plug into you while you slid the other one into your waiting pussy. Every step of your training was meticulously overseen by him and he just loved the way your body accepted everything he tried as long as he was patient enough. 

Your workload never seemed to lessen, even with the weight of the plugs inside of you every day. The corporate world didn’t stop for anyone and you had to adapt even further to hide your sexual frustration from the guests that frequented the office during his meetings. Guiding them to the little alcove in the corner of the office lined with couches that served as a miniature ‘waiting room’ was the hardest part. Every step you took sent jolts of pleasure down your legs and you struggled to keep your pace even while maintaining perfect posture. Your muscles clenched and strained to ensure nothing fell out of you. Even if the journey was a short one, it felt like it lasted for miles with how much effort it took to look professional. You always ended your introductions with a smile, letting your esteemed guests know that Lucifer would be ready to see them shortly before having to make the long, arduous journey back to your desk. 

Lucifer took pride in the company he built and the people he trained. You, most of all, were so susceptible to all his lessons and adapted quickly. It only felt natural for him to spend on gifts for you, giving you a plethora of options to choose from on how to stuff your pussy for your day. Every few days, it seemed like there was a new box on your desk. Whether it was deliciously textured balls that rubbed against each other and stretched you in a way that made you see stars, or smooth orbs with weights in them, making you clench anytime they shifted inside of you, they all had one thing in common: they all left you wanting more. None of them ever seemed to stretch you far enough or deep enough to satisfy that itch and craving you had for Lucifer’s cock and you were driven nearly mad at that fact. 

He could just how frustrated you were as you cleaned up after yourself and bent over your desk, waiting for him remove the anal plug from your ass. Your essence flowed freely down your thigh at the end of the day and he was satisfied; especially when you let out that precious breathy moan of yours whenever the plug left you empty. You would always look back at him, pleading with your eyes for him to take it further and fill you, but it was business as usual for him. He’d tell you to go home and you would be left on the edge, unable to cum unless he gave you explicit permission to do so. 

~~  

The end of your second month working at Akuzon as Lucifer’s personal assistant drew to a close and by the third month you were there, no matter what task you were doing, your mind reeled with fantasized images of how you wanted Lucifer to take you and make you scream. It invaded every fiber of your being. It was so endlessly frustrating to see your boss completely straight laced and nonplussed at your predicament. He could tell you were close to your breaking point, almost a month of teasing and yet no release in sight; it would soon come time for him to give you what you truly craved. 

“Ah… This is a problem, can you come here and help?” He called you over to his desk and pointed at the space underneath. “I dropped the whole box of paperclips and I really don’t have time to pick them up before my next meeting. Be a dear, and help?” 

“Yes, of course, Lucifer.” you obliged, thinking nothing of it and scrambled on your hands and knees to pick up what seemed to be hundreds of paperclips on the ground. Before you were even a quarter of the way through, you heard the elevator in the distance ding, signalling the arrival of your next guest. Scrambling to get up and greet them, you only found yourself blocked off by Lucifer sitting down, scooting his chair right up to you and blocking your escape. 

“Don’t make a sound now.” He said quietly, looking down at you with an expectant expression on his face. “This guest is of the highest esteem and I would like to make sure this acquisition goes smoothly.” 

“Y-yes, Lucifer.” You mumbled, shifting enough so that you were settled somewhat comfortably between his legs and staring right at his thighs. 

“My apologies for not having my assistant greet you.” Lucifer said as his guest came in. “She’s on an errand and couldn’t make it back in time. Please, take a seat.” He stood up, gesturing to the chair on the other side of the desk and got right to work, discussing the terms of his next acquisition and his expectations once the companies merged. The talk was mundane and there was a fair amount of back and forth as schematics were discussed. 

He kept one hand on his thigh, gently stroking his crotch, and you watched wide eyed, barely daring to breathe as he got hard right in front of his client. His voice betrayed nothing, staying smooth and low while he discussed business matters. You could barely think straight as his finger beckoned you closer to his clothed crotch. His musky scent mixing with the smell of his cologne and newly dry cleaned clothes made you dizzy. As his cock started to strain and press against his pants, you carefully leaned forward, nuzzling his crotch and basking in his closeness. 

He seemed to enjoy this little development. His hand wandered over to your hair, pulling you closer and encouraging you. The thrill of possibly being caught sparked an arousal in you that you hadn’t expected. The conversation above you melted away as you focused on the hardening length pressed up against your cheek and breathing in his scent, getting intoxicated by just his proximity. His hand gently patted your hair as you nuzzled him to full mast under his clothes. You felt your arousal rise along with his cock, your slick essence soaking through your panties. Yet you didn’t dare touch yourself or make a noise. 

“Ah, how foolish of me. I forgot the final paperwork in my car. Please, excuse me for a moment while I retrieve it.” The client said as they drew close to closing the deal. “I’ll be right back.” 

“Of course, please take your time.” Lucifer said. You couldn’t see it, but you could almost feel the self satisfied smirk that was undoubtedly on his face once the guest left to retrieve the documents. 

As soon as the elevator dinged and they were alone, his grip in your hair tightened. He slid back just enough to see your face peeking out from between his thighs. “Don’t ruin this for me.” he warned, unzipping his pants and pulling out his cock. You started salivating as you saw his length unfurl before you, hard and throbbing, a drop of precum dribbling from the tip and your tongue darted out to catch it and taste him. He smirked, loving how obedient  you were without him asking you to be. “Don’t mess up my suit. Understand?” 

“Yes… Sir.” 

The dark glitter of lust shone in his eyes for a brief moment as you addressed him properly. He settled himself back into place and you were once again alone under the desk; but this time with a very important task at hand. It was a long ride up the elevator from the ground floor to the top, which gave you ample time to suck him off as loudly and as lewdly as you wanted. His cock filled your mouth hot and heavy, the salt from his precum and his scent cast a haze over you as you put as much of him in your mouth as you could. Your hand fisting the rest of what you couldn’t handle all at once. 

His hand in your hair set the pace, making your head bob as you slurped and sucked. Only once did you hear a satisfied groan come from him. But, that was enough to send your hormones into overdrive and you redoubled your efforts into pleasuring him. Your knees ached and your whole body felt too hot to be cramped under his desk like this; but the taste and feel of his cock in your mouth was worth it. It was truly too soon when you heard the tell tale ding of the elevator in the distance, signalling the return of your guest that you had to abruptly stop being loud. 

“I didn’t take too long, now did I?” 

“No, not at all. I was just reviewing everything to make sure everything is crossed and dotted properly.” Lucifer replied calmly, but you could hear a slight strain in his tone. His hand pushed your mouth further down his length until he hit the back of your throat. You fought back a startled squeal and resisted the urge to gag, relaxing your body and your reflexes to accept him as he saw fit. Satisfied, he removed his hand to go over a few more things on the paperwork and you took the prerogative to keep taking him until every inch of him was down your throat. You had to take slow breaths to keep yourself from passing out, his girthy cock blocking much of your airway. 

You could feel his thighs tense as he was balls deep down your throat. As soon as he was able to, his hand returned to your hair and set a languid pace, using your mouth and throat as a fuck toy while he hashed out important business details. Drool pooled at the base of his cock as you let him use you. The worry of ruining his suit caused your whole body to tense in anxiety and you prayed that everything would drip onto the chair below him and not on the expensive tweed of his suit. 

“Yes, I think all of that checks out. Just our signatures left.” Lucifer’s voice floated into your consciousness, the first clear sign that it was all going to be over soon. He didn’t know just how wet you were from sucking him off under his desk. Just rubbing your thighs together, you knew there was a slick mess for you to deal with later on your own. 

Just a little bit more… You told yourself, holding your desire and your breath as you heard the tell tale scratching above you of papers being signed. From there, it was only a few more congratulatory remarks and the guest was on his way out. As soon as he leaves I’m going to suck his soul out from his dick. You determined, fantasizing about how his hot load would taste going down your throat. 

“Yes, that’s the last of everything. I’ll have the receptionist see you out.” Lucifer shuffled the documents on his desk and slid them into a drawer. 

“Of course. I look forward to future business ventures with you.” 

“And I as well. Thank you for coming.” 

Something happened then that you didn’t think could ever happen. You stifled a whimper against his cock buried in your face, but it was impossible to not make a sound. Your whole body shivered when he said that word. The way it lilted and the meaning it held to you had involuntarily made you orgasm. All the sexual tension you had been asked to hold for the past month came crashing around you and you were a shaking wreck, clenching around the small toys inside of you. The lack of air making the euphoria of your climax all the more surreal. 

“Did you hear something?” 

“Must have been the air conditioning settling.” Lucifer lied easily, gripping your hair tightly as a warning. “It does that sometimes… scares me half to death when I’m alone after hours.” He chuckled and gestured towards the door when he saw a message on his desk phone light up. “My receptionist is already here to see you out… Please be sure to drive safely home.” 

“I will. Thank you again.” 

The pain of his hand in your hair grounded you as you rode out the unbidden orgasm. As soon as the elevator was on its way down, the pressure of his cock filling your mouth and throat as you were roughly pulled away from him. You gasped, tears of relief streaked down your face as you took deep unhindered breaths to clear your mind. Whatever plans you had to swallow his load earlier were completely dashed as he pulled you off his cock. 

He slid his chair back assessing your disheveled figure under his desk.  The sight of your drool and lipstick smeared across your face, your hair an absolute rat’s nest from the rough treatment and your trembling form in the aftershocks of your sudden orgasm did things to him he hadn’t expected. He knew he had you trained well with the toys; but it never crossed his mind just how much power his words had over you. Just the casual phrase he let slip had made you cum. The knowledge of that sent a thrill through his body as he immediately started to scheme all the things he could do to you. 

Lucifer glanced down at his cock, looking at the long red streaks of lipstick smeared all across the length. He smirked, loving how the color looked against it. “I was right… that color does look good all over my cock.” He pushed his chair back again to give you just enough room to timidly crawl out from under the desk and stretch your aching muscles. Seeing you on all fours also made him want to do things to you, things that would have to wait until later. “I was going to reward you for a job well done.” He started, pulling you up and sitting you on the edge of his desk. “But unfortunately… it looks like someone got too much pleasure out of this exchange without my permission.” 

His hands spread your thighs apart for him and he pushed your soaked panties to the side, the toys peeking out of your ass and your pussy were absolutely drenched in your juices. Your nether region quivered, and pulsated around the small toy, trying to milk it as you had done to his cock months prior. “Every one of your orgasms… belong to me.”

“Ye… yes, Sir…” you breathed. “I’m sorry, Sir. It won’t happen again, Sir.” you babbled, praying he would forgive you. 

“I suppose I can cut you some slack. Even I didn’t know how sensitive you can be from my words.” His fingers stroked your labia, his touch driving you insane. It had been so long since he had last been intimate with you like this, your whole body was in complete sensation overdrive as it relished being touched by him again. Sure, he spent a few minutes every day prepping your ass; but that was nothing compared to what he was giving you now. 

“Thank you sir.” You sobbed, your heart nearly beating out of your chest at the prospect of feeling more of him. 

“Of course… It’s only proper that I congratulate you on making it through the probationary period.” He replied casually, pulling the plug out of your ass and letting it drop to the ground. He chuckled, as you whined, feeling your anus being stretched out as it exited you and then feeling the emptiness that came after it. The toy in your pussy came out next, but he made sure to take his sweet time to drag it out of you, watching it come out bit by bit. The needy whine that came from your lips as your empty cunt begged to be filled again was music to his ears. 

It was only a short moment after that all your needs were fulfilled. His cock easily slid into you, assisted by the copious amounts of your essence that coated your nether region. The dull thud of the toy hitting the ground sounded so distant. All that mattered was finally feeling full and having your needs satiated by Lucifer. With no one else in the office anymore, you moaned loudly, throwing your head back and clutching the edge of the desk to brace yourself. Your legs wrapped around his waist, drawing him closer towards you. It had been so long since you had felt his cock inside of you; yet, your body seemed to remember every ridge and edge of it as he filled you up. 

“Does that feel good?” He purred, very pleased at your reaction. Holding off on fucking you was possibly the best decision he had ever made. However, now that he had you, he knew he couldn’t hold off again like that. Not when your heat surrounded him and released all the carnal desire he had reigned in for the past months. 

“Yes… Yes, Sir!” 

“You’ve wanted this for a long time, now huh?” he asked, starting a slow and steady pace to build you up to yet another explosive orgasm. “The toys I gave you weren’t enough? You wanted this inside of you instead, huh?” 

“Yes… Yes… “ You were delirious, swimming in a sea of pure pleasure as his cock hit every sensitive spot in you that had been craving attention for months now. You couldn’t see or think straight. It was all like the first time you had coupled during your interview. All of it was so intense and amazing, it took your breath away. “I want you so much, Sir. I can’t stop thinking about you.” you admitted freely. 

“What a good girl…” he praised, stroking your hair gently. “Your hard work will be rewarded.” He said before roughly slamming his hips into you and burying his whole length into you. Your cries of pleasure rang in his ear as he picked up the pace and chased his release inside of you. Your walls, so tight after your first orgasm hugged him deliciously and he saw stars every time he was balls deep inside of you. 

“Oh… thank you! Thank you, Sir.” you sang endless praises for him as he fucked you senseless, taking you to highs you had never experienced. Being teased for months on end had made all your nerves so sensitive, you could barely handle the reward he was giving you; and that was possibly the best part of it all. “This is the best… reward.. Thank you… thank y---” 

Lucifer cut off your words with a deep kiss, shoving his tongue roughly into your mouth and exploring your mouth. He could taste traces of him in you and it only served to make his hips snap into yours even faster and harder. He was close again. Anytime it came to being inside of you, he knew it would be over soon. Perhaps that was why he preferred to tease you for such long periods of time. The payoff was so worth it in the end. 

“Cum.” he commanded once he broke his kiss with you. “Cum like you did the first time, milk me.” He hissed, his pace now erratic and needy. 

“Yes! Yes! Yes, Sir!” you obliged, the pleasure building up in your abdomen crumbling all at once and you came around his cock hard. Your vision whiting out for a moment and your ears ringing from the force of your climax. 

It only took a few more brutal thrusts before he emptied himself inside of you with a satisfied groan, his long lashes fluttering as your walls pulsed around him and accepted every drop of his seed. “Very good…” He murmured softly, holding you in a close embrace and patting your hair as the both of you came down from the highs of your orgasms. 

Lucifer hissed as he pulled out of you once he was soft enough to do so. The image of his cum dripping out of you was so enticing, it almost made him hard again. Satisfied that you were properly trained for his needs, he adjusted your panties back over your crotch and looked up at your blissed out face. “Congratulations, you’re now a permanent member of my staff.” He cooed, leaning in and placing a soft kiss on your forehead. 

You weren’t even in the right mindset to thank him, your brain reeling from the pleasure and your body relaxing after finally getting the release you had been craving for months. His words sounded like they were coming from under water, muffled and garbled. You blinked, in a haze, trying to focus. 

It wasn’t until something cool hit your neck that you jolted to consciousness, grounding yourself with the new sensation against your heated skin. A thin, delicate chain held up a beautiful pendant in the shape of a peacock feather now adorned your neck. In your high, Lucifer had pulled the gift out from his desk and helped himself to putting it on you. 

“A small gift… I think it suits you.” he explained softly. 

“Thank you…” You said, rather touched by the gentle gesture. “I’ll wear it with pride.” 

“I expect nothing less from you.” 

It was true, humans didn’t know much at all until they were trained. You were proof of that and he couldn’t wait to see what other things he could teach you to do with your body.

[tillidontneedfantasy]

A Track-by-Track Breakdown of Taylor Swift’s 8th Studio Album: ‘folklore’

Taylor Swift’s 8th studio album, folklore, starts off with the lie, “I’m on some new shit.” Perhaps to someone who hasn’t been paying attention this would seem to be true. But to those listening, folklore is the essence of her skill and success throughout her entire career stripped down for all to see, but more refined, enhanced, and impressive than ever.

Even prior to her pop-world domination with 1989 (2014), Taylor’s storytelling ability has always been her most compelling strength as a writer. In 2010, she released her third album, Speak Now, penned fully solo to prove to the cynics that she does, in fact, write her own music. And it’s damn good. Widely considered her best song, “All Too Well” from Red (2012) is a five and a half minute epic about love had and lost, all in walks through autumn trees, almost running red lights, dancing round the kitchen, and a scarf reminiscent of innocence, unreturned.  

Yet her pop prowess over the last six years perhaps leads to her storytelling being overlooked to those more focused on the music. There is a particular genius in writing a successful pop song, let alone three successful pop albums, that still has hard-hitting lyrics underneath the synth. Take the excellent “Cruel Summer” from Lover (2019) for example. The song is just under 3 minutes, and the production is so enthralling and infectious that it can take such a hold on you, you might miss the tale being told along with it about a fraught summer relationship that was actually just the beginning of her own love story.

But without the pop production, her stories on folklore demand attention. Swept up by a strong wave of creativity and inspiration, Swift secretly wrote and produced this album in around three months with Aaron Dessner of The National, one of Swift’s favorite bands, and long-time collaborator and friend Jack Antonoff. A surprise album is a new endeavor for Swift, as she generally spends months meticulously planning an album rollout. It is refreshing, and as a dedicated, long-time fan of Taylor, it is thrilling. Due to the album cover where she is standing in the woods, and the genre of the album itself, there have been think pieces regarding the “man in the woods” trope and what it means that Taylor seems to be embodying it. As a result of over-exposure, people are unable to stop focusing on her image and the way she presents herself. It’s understandable, as she is a very smart and deliberate businesswoman, and clearly cares about how she is perceived. But with this album, it is clear that none of that was at play. We are in the middle of a pandemic. Her mother has been battling cancer for years. Isolate a creative person in a dangerous world and they will dream up an escape. She understands more than ever how precious each moment is, and does not want to waste another one. The woods being the landscape for the photo-shoot is most likely attributed to the fact that it is the safest place to have one under these circumstances. She’s not pretending she removed herself from society and became enlightened, she didn’t dabble into a more alternative sound to prove anything; she is just sharing stories she wants to tell that she is proud of, and nothing more.

Of course the music of the album is important, but the lyrics are the heart of it all, and I wanted to focus on them. Upon its release, Taylor explained in a foreword that the album was a mixture of personal and fictional accounts. The beauty of stories is that once they are shared, they never live one single life; each person who consumes a story interprets it uniquely, and the story becomes a multiverse, with different meanings and outcomes than what initially drove the pen to the paper. As explained by Swift in a YouTube comment prior to the album’s release, three songs on the album are all one story, which she has dubbed “the teenage love triangle.” The three points of the triangle are “cardigan,” “august,” and “betty.” But if someone had not seen her say that, they might not have figured it out. Maybe they’d interpret each song as their own story, and connect it to their own. Taylor knows this. It is why she loves storytelling and is why she is so good at it. The album itself is a mirror ball, shimmering with every version of the stories being told, reflecting a bit of each person who listens. These are my interpretations, but they can mean whatever you make of them. 

1. the 1 The melody of this song helps set the scene; picture yourself skipping rocks on a lake, reminiscing on the one that got away. “the 1” is about learning to assimilate into a life without them, resentfully accepting that they might be moving on, too. She ruminates on what went wrong and what could have been. In a very Swift fashion, she puts the blame on herself when she sings, “in my defense, I have none / for digging up the grave another time.” Perhaps this song is fictional, perhaps it’s a revisit of a past feeling or relationship, but its relatability makes it feel real and present. She searches for explanations, restraining herself from asking, “if one thing had been different, would everything be different today?” But it’s good she didn’t ask, because she’d never find the answer, anyway. Best lyric: “We never painted by the numbers, baby, but we were making it count / You know the greatest loves of all time are over now.”

2. cardigan (teenage love triangle, part 1: betty’s perspective) “When you are young they assume you know nothing,” Swift sings in her smooth low-register on this Lana del Rey-esque single. “But I knew everything when I was young,” she asserts. They say wisdom comes with age, but there is wisdom lost, too, of what it felt like to be young; but she has held onto it. In this track, the narrator (Betty) is looking back on her relationship with someone she once loved (James, as name-dropped in “betty” later on in the album). Her insight on his character was always spot on; she knew he’d try to kiss it better, change the ending, miss her once the thrill expired and come back, begging for her forgiveness in her front porch light. As soon as she was feeling forgotten, he made her feel wanted, his favorite. The ending in question is unclear, whether she granted him her forgiveness or not. But what is clear is Taylor’s understanding of the pull of young love, the intensity, the immortalization of all the smallest of details, the longing to be someone’s favorite. It’s why we look back on it so often, read stories and watch films about it, even as we grow old. It’s the cardigan we put back on when we want to be Peter Pan and remember what it was like to fly with Wendy. Best lyric: “You drew stars around my scars / but now I’m bleeding.”

3. the last great american dynasty The story of Rebekah Harkness and her destruction of the last great American dynasty, Standard Oil, is documented in this track, as each verse covers a different part of Rebekah’s life, going from a middle class divorcee to one of the wealthiest women in America by marrying into an empire. Swift paints Rebekah as an outcast, the Rhode Island town blaming her for her husband’s heart giving out. Rebekah used her inherited fortune on her ballet company, throwing lavish parties with her friends who went by the “Bitch Pack,” playing cards with Dali (Yes, as in Salvador Dali. It’s not clear if they actually played cards together, but her ashes were placed in an urn designed by him), and feuding with her neighbors. Then, fifty years later, Taylor Swift bought that very house and ruined the neighborhood all over again, bringing with her the triumphant return of champagne pool parties and women with madness, their men and bad habits. It’s a note on how women will be blamed for tarnishing what is sacred to men rather than celebrated, specifically when its related to wealth and power. They will call them mad, shameless, loud. But just like Rebekah, Taylor learned to pay them no mind, and just have a marvelous time. It is also interesting to note that Rebekah went by Betty. Perhaps Taylor felt inspired by and connected to her and gave her a whole backstory, and thus the birth of “the teenage love triangle,” or maybe it’s just a coincidence; but that’s the fun of it all. Either way, this track is a standout showcase of how Swift has truly mastered her craft as a songwriter. Best lyric: “Holiday House sat quietly on that beach / free of women with madness, their men and bad habits / and then it was bought by me.”

4. exile ft. Bon Iver You know that feeling when your parents are fighting and it’s upsetting you but you can’t help but listen? That’s kind of what listening to this song feels like. Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon co-wrote the track, and he lends his gorgeous vocals to play a man who has been exiled by his ex who has moved on with someone else while he desperately tries to understand where it all went wrong. The bridge is particularly poignant, both proclaiming, “you didn’t even hear me out,” while talking over each other. He thinks he was expected to read her mind, but she is adamant that she gave him plenty of warning signs. Miscommunication is one of the most common downfalls of a relationship, and the emotion in Swift’s and Vernon’s voices really draws you into the argument with them, transporting you back into your own exile from people you once called home. Best lyric: “I couldn’t turn things around / (You never turned things around) / ‘cause you never gave a warning sign / (I gave so many signs.)”

5. my tears ricochet Taylor describes this song in the foreword as “an embittered tormentor showing up to the funeral of his fallen object of obsession.” If you know enough, you can put the pieces together that the tormentor is Scott Borchetta, the head of Big Machine Records, and the funeral is of their professional and personal relationship. Taylor was the first artist ever signed to Big Machine. Borchetta and Swift had to trust each other in their partnership for it to be a success, and oh, how it was. But prior to Lover’s release, Taylor announced that she would be signing to Republic Records as her contract with Big Machine had ended and Republic offered her the opportunity to own all of her masters moving forward and negotiate on Spotify shares for all their artists. It all could have ended amicably there, but then Scott Borchetta sold all of Big Machine, along with Taylor’s masters from every album prior, to Scooter Braun. Braun manages some of the biggest stars out there, and had previously managed Kanye West. Taylor publicly spoke out about this purchase, stating that she was not made aware of this before the announcement, and how much of a betrayal it was considering she had cried to Scott before about Scooter’s mistreatment of her. Taylor has continued to be vocal about this, and so she sings, “I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace.” There is a lot to unpack in this song, but the main takeaway is that this betrayal hurts him just as much if not more than it hurts her, because his career was built on her achievements. He buried her while decorated in her success, becoming what he swore he wouldn’t, erasing the good times for greed, all just to be haunted with regret for pushing her out and stealing her lullabies. The pain is palpable, and it is notable that this is song is placed at track 5, the spot generally reserved for the most vulnerable on the album; it shows that there are different types of heartbreak that can shatter you just as much as those from romance. Best lyric: “If I’m dead to you, why are you at the wake? / Cursing my name, wishing I stayed.”

6. mirrorball On Lover’s “The Archer,” Taylor expresses her anxiety over people seeing through her act, her own grief at seeing through it herself, wondering if her lover does and whether he would stay with her regardless. “mirrorball” is about the act, one of the more obviously confessional songs on the album. She talks about how a mirror ball can illuminate all the different versions of a person, while also reflecting the light to fit in with the scene. Taylor’s critical self-awareness is heart wrenching, and it’s clear that the anxiety that surrounds the public perception of her is still prevalent. She describes herself as a member of a circus, still on the tightrope and the trapeze even after everyone else has packed up and left, doing anything she can to keep the public’s attention. It hurts to hear the desperation in her voice, but there’s hope in the song, too. She is speaking to someone (we can assume her long-term boyfriend, Joe Alwyn) and thanking them for not being like “the regulars, the masquerade revelers drunk as they watch my shattered edges glisten.” In 2016, the height of Taylor’s fame and subsequently her farthest fall from grace, all the people who pretended to be her friends and attended all her parties celebrated her (temporary) demise, continuing to dance over her broken pieces on the floor. But he stayed by her side as she put herself back together. And so now, when no one is around, she’ll shine just for him, standing even taller than she does for the circus. Best lyric: “I’m still a believer, but I don’t know why / I’ve never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try / I’m still on that trapeze, I’m still trying everything / to keep you looking at me.”

7. seven Her voice gentle and haunting, Taylor recalls the freedom and innocence of her childhood in Pennsylvania. She asks to be remembered for how she was, swinging over the creek, before she learned civility when she would scream anytime she wanted, then letting out a very pretty one. She sings to her old friend soothingly about taking them away from their haunted house that their father is always shouting in, where they feel the need to hide in a closet, perhaps literally, or figuratively, or both. They can move into Taylor’s house instead, or maybe just to India, just be sure to pack their dolls and a sweater and then they’ll hit the road. She can no longer recall her friend’s face, but the love she had for them still lives in her heart, and she wants it to live forever through story. Just in the way that folklore itself blends reality and fiction, but the truth within it passes on, so will the purity of that love and friendship. Best lyric: “Please picture me in the weeds / before I learned civility / I used to scream ferociously / any time I wanted.”

8. august (teenage love triangle, part 2: the other girl’s perspective) If you had to assign the feeling of longing to a song, it’d be “august.” It’s when you’re teetering at the edge with someone, unsure of where you stand with them, clinging to anything they give you and doing anything just to raise your chances, “living for the hope of it all.” August, the last month of summer, its heat causing it to slip away the fastest in a haze before reality hits. This track is a display of how sometimes losing something you never had causes an even deeper ache than losing something that was yours, and Jack Antonoff’s signature production intensifies the emotion even more. It’s the story of shattered hope, and the longing for the days where it could still fuel you. Best lyric: “To live for the hope of it all / cancel plans just in case you’d call.”

9. this is me trying “this is me trying” is like a drive through a tunnel at night, hearing your loudest anxieties and insecurities echo all around you, caving in. The track is another apt insight into Swift’s struggles with her self-image, with the pressure she puts on herself, so much so that she sometimes pushes herself too close to the edge, her fears luring her out of the tunnel and down, down, down into her own cage, stunting her own growth and keeping those who care out of reach. She tells us how she was “so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere.” Every action has an equal, opposite reaction, meaning that she was pushing herself so hard, she rolled back to where she started, and now has to reset. This could be referring to the period between the end of the 1989 era and the release of reputation (2017), or a different time in her life, or just a general sentiment. It doesn’t really matter, though, because no one’s growth is a neat, straight line; growth is jagged. Just like any of us, Taylor will always have to face new obstacles, new pitfalls, new reasons to get back up. She sounds most vulnerable as she cries, “at least I’m trying,” and you feel comforted knowing someone so beautiful and successful has to push herself to try, too, and yet that motivates you more to try yourself. Best lyric: “They told me all of my cages were mental / so I got wasted, like all my potential.”

10. illicit affairs A quiet, slow-build testament of the passion, the tragedy, the secrecy, the inimitability of a romance that shouldn’t exist, “illicit affairs” demonstrates how you can ruin yourself for someone from just one moment of possibility or truth, quite like the narrator of “august” does for the hope of it all. An illicit affair can be many different things: infidelity, forbidden love, a love that can never be fully realized, a relationship that is inherently wrong but electrifying all the same. It’s a reminder of what so many of us would do just to see new colors, to learn a new language, even if the one moment of enlightenment destroys us forever. We might lose the iridescent glow but we don’t forget it; we carry it with us, but must be careful to remember its blinding effect, to remember how fatal the fall is from the dwindling, mercurial high. Best lyric: “Tell your friends you’re out for a run / you’ll be flushed when you return.”

11. invisible string Clearly the most outright autobiographical track, “invisible string” is the plucky pick-me-up needed. The song is like sunshine, as Swift endearingly links all the little connections between her and her boyfriend, Joe Alwyn, since before they even met. She compares the green grass at the Nashville park she’d sit at in hopes of a meet-cute to the teal of his yogurt shop uniform shirt, and gives a nod to her smash hit “Bad Blood” from 1989 with the delightful line “bad was the blood of the song in the cab on your first trip to LA.” She reasons these coincidences as a fateful, invisible, golden string tying them together since the beginning, always destined to meet at the knot in the middle. She thanks time for healing her, (a callback to “Fifteen” from Fearless [2008]), fighting through hell to make it to heaven, transforming her from an axe grinder to a gift giver for her ex’s baby (the ex in question, Joe Jonas, and his wife Sophie Turner, happened to have their first daughter two days before this album’s release). As she has on her previous two albums, she uses the color gold to illustrate how prized their love is to one another. It’s sweet to know in all the gloom that the string has not been severed, and the trees are still golden somewhere. Best lyric: “Cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart / now I send their babies presents.”

12. mad woman Throughout her entire career, Taylor Swift has defiantly defended female rage, all the way back from throwing a chair off a platform on her Fearless Tour during the impassioned “Forever & Always,” to her patient, vengeful reliance on karma in reputation’s lead single, “Look What You Made Me Do,” to her most recent tackling of the matter on Lover’s last and final single, “The Man,” where she explores society’s acceptance and encouragement of angry men yet disdain for angry women. “The Man” is catchy and upbeat, and a fun thought experiment into how Swift’s career would be perceived if she was a man, something that is even more interesting to think about now as she releases an album in a genre heavily dominated and lauded by males. But on “mad woman,” she further explores the creation and perception of female rage, though masked under a smooth, haunting piano melody, her vocals subdued, taunting. In the album foreword, she describes the inspiration behind this song as “a misfit widow getting gleeful revenge on the town that cast her out.” This could be the continuation of Rebekah “Betty” Harkness’s story at her Holiday House in Watch Hill, RI, and how she further alienated herself from the rest of the neighborhood as they cast stones at her for the collapse of the last great American dynasty. (Or perhaps Daenerys Targaryen’s descent as the Mad Queen played a part in the song’s inspiration, as Swift has spoken of her love for Game of Thrones and her character specifically.) Taylor herself could also represent the widow, her music and masters as her love lost, and the men behind the crime as the “town that cast her out.” In the first verse she sings, “What do you sing on your drive home? / Do you see my face in the neighbor’s lawn? / Does she smile, or does she mouth ‘fuck you forever’?” It’s the first f-bomb of Taylor’s career (though a much more playful one will come two tracks later in “betty”) and it speaks volume. Taylor has received a lot of condemnation for expressing her anger at their transaction, for calling out their greed for what it is. Some view Swift’s stance on the ordeal as petty and trivial; they see the men as orchestrating a good business deal, and Swift as the girl throwing a tantrum. Ask any woman, and they can tell you about a time a man told them they were crazy for being justifiably angry; it only makes us angrier. “No one likes a mad woman,” Taylor states, “You made her like that.” Swift underscores that here, how they will poke and poke the bear but then blame it for attacking, as if they had never provoked it at all, and how dare it defend itself. Just as they blamed Rebekah for her husband’s heart giving out, they somehow manage to blame Swift for not being allowed to purchase the rights to her own work. And yes, she’s mad, but the song is measured and controlled; she’s used to her anger now, and knows just how to wield it. Best lyric: “Women like hunting witches, too / doing your dirtiest work for you / It’s obvious that wanting me dead has really brought you two together.”

13. epiphany This is another track Swift provided some background on, stating it was inspired by her “grandfather, Dean, landing at Guadalcanal in 1942” during WWII. The first verse paints this image, while the second verse depicts a different kind of war, happening right now, fought by doctors and nurses. She speaks of holding hands through plastic, and the escape folklore has granted you suddenly lifts. Watching someone’s daughter, or mother, or anyone suffer at the hands of the COVID-19 pandemic, just as watching a soldier bleed out, helpless, is too much to speak about. As she points out, they don’t teach you about that vicarious trauma in med school. We are living in a tireless world with barely any time time to rest our eyes, but too much going on while we’re awake to make sense of any of it. “epiphany” is a cinematic prayer, pleading for some quiet in order to find an answer in all the noise. We’re still waiting for that glimpse of relief. Best lyric: “Only twenty minutes to sleep / but you dream of some epiphany / Just one single glimpse of relief / to make some sense of what you’ve seen.”

14. betty (teenage love triangle, part 3: james’s perspective) It makes sense that a song reminiscent of Fearless would exemplify some of the best story-telling on folklore. The final puzzle piece of the teen love triangle, “betty” is a song sung by Swift from the perspective of the character of her own creation, James, attempting to win back his true love, Betty, who he slighted in some way. He proclaims that the worst thing he ever did is what he did to her, without explicitly stating it. Though the infamous deed is unclear, here’s the information we collect from this song: James saw Betty dancing with another boy at a school dance, one day when he was walking home another girl (from “august”) picked him up and he ended up spending his summer with her yet still loved Betty, and though he ended things with his fling and wanted to reconcile with Betty, he had returned to school to see she switched her homeroom (James assumes, after saying he won’t make assumptions. Classic men). So in order to make it up to her, he shows up at her party with the risk of being told to go fuck himself (the second and charming “fuck” on the album! Which is repeated!). Upon his arrival, there is a glorious key change (ala “Love Story”) and all the pieces fall into place for the listener; we realize Betty is the girl singing in “cardigan” as he lists the things he misses about her since the thrill expired, like the way she looks standing in her cardigan, and kissing in his car. He’s 17 and doesn’t know anything, but she knew everything when she was young, and she knew he’d come back. The way I see their story conclude is that she led him to the garden and trusted him, but as they grew older they grew apart, but the love she had for him never faded completely. Listening to this song is like being back in high school, whether you were the person who did someone wrong or the person so willing to forgive in the name of young love, or Inez, the school gossip, you’re right there with them. The other great thing about this song is that it is sung to a girl, and though it is set up so we understand it is most likely from a boy’s perspective, it doesn’t have to be. It’s really great that girls in the LGBTQ community can have a song in Taylor’s voice to fully connect to without changing the pronouns or names (even James, which is unisex and is one of the names of the daughters of Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds, Taylor’s close friends, mentioned in this song). That is the beauty of folklore: the infinite ways a story can be told, perceived, retold from a different perspective, and told again. Maybe you’ll hear it from Inez. Best lyric: “But if I just showed up at your party / would you have me? Would you want me? / Would you tell me to go fuck myself, or lead me to the garden?”

15. peace One of the most beautifully solemn songs of her career, “peace” echoes the same fears explored in “Dancing With Our Hands Tied” from reputation; will the person she loves be able to weather the ever-present storm that comes with the life of a superstar, but also dwells within herself? Will holding him as the water rushes in be enough? Will giving him her wild, a child, her sunshine, her best, be a fair consolation? Presumably another confessional track and about Alwyn, Swift puts him up on a pedestal, praising his integrity and his dare to dream. She proclaims that she would die for him in secret, just as she told him she’d be on her tallest tip toes, spinning in her highest heels, shining just for him in “mirrorball.” She highlights some of the greatest gifts of love, such as comfortable silence and chosen family. She knows what they have is special, but she also knows the value of peace, the ultimate nirvana, and does not want to deprive him of that. It is so deeply relatable- to me, at least- to feel like you can give someone so much of yourself but know it still may never be enough, and to fear either losing them or robbing them of something better. But looking at what they have together, maybe peace is overrated. Or maybe, she’s looking for peace in the wrong places. The calm is in the eye of the storm, and sometimes, there’s nothing more freeing than throwing away the umbrella and soaking in the rain. Best lyric: “I never had the courage of my convictions / as long as danger is near / and it’s just around the corner, darling / ‘cause it lives in me / no, I could never give you peace.”

16. hoax The truest enigma of the album, the closer, “hoax” is a devastatingly dark ballad about the uncertainty, or perhaps incredulity, of someone’s love for you, a love that is your lifeline. The lyrics are ambiguous, which gives way to a plethora of interpretations. Perhaps she is speaking about a hypothetical situation that has yet to happen (and hopefully doesn’t) in which someone she loves and trusts betrays her. Maybe she is talking about a relationship, real (hopefully not) or fictional, in which despite the torment it brings her she holds onto it for dear life. I’m most inclined to believe that the song represents her difficulty in accepting that someone is willing to love her through such dark periods, that their love must actually be a hoax, but she chooses to believe in it anyway and uses it as the motivation to rebuild her kingdom, to rise from the ashes on her barren land. And even through the downs that come at some point in every relationship, she can still see the beauty in it all. Yes, their love is golden, but waves of blue will crash down around any partnership, because life does not exist without them. So even when things are as blue as can be, she’s at least grateful it’s with him. Best lyric: “Don’t want no other shade of blue but you / no other sadness in the world would do.”

Although we still have yet to hear the deluxe track, “the lakes,” as a fan of Taylor for almost 12 years, it feels so obvious that this is her strongest work yet. The storytelling I fell in love with on Fearless as a teenager (which, much like folklore, was highly inspired by imaginary situations and real emotions) is even sharper now as we have both grown into adults. The music on this album might not be everyone’s speed, and that’s okay. But it allowed Taylor to dip back into what made Fearless such a success: using pieces of her own truth and the whims of her imagination to develop a multi-faceted narrative that becomes universal. During her Tiny Desk concert, before performing “Death By A Thousand Cuts” from Lover, Swift explained the anxiety she felt around the possibility of stunted creativity when people would ask her what she would write about once she was happy. Taylor has released an abundance of beautiful, fun, complex love songs since the start of her relationship almost four years ago now. But “Death By A Thousand Cuts,” which is a fan favorite, helped her prove to herself that she can still write a killer breakup song while being in a happy, fulfilling relationship; the song was the last track written for Lover and was inspired by the film Something Great on Netflix. And so it makes perfect sense that Taylor used folklore to continue exploring this new avenue for songwriting. All of her discography and all of her life experiences have culminated to the folklore moment: as all the best artists do, she will never stop finding inspiration in hidden corners of this dark, mystical, wondrous universe, and falling in love with new ways to share those wonders. And that love will be passed on.

DISCLAIMER - REVIEWER’S BIAS: I love Taylor Swift more than any person in my life, yes including my parents, they are aware and have accepted this fact long ago ❤️