#ALL of this is self built. ALL. OF. IT.
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snekdood · 2 months ago
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i hate when ppl see that you're conventionally attractive in some respects and think that means you've never suffered anything in your life. Quite the opposite for me, personally
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slfcare · 2 months ago
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the most difficult thing about growing as a person socially, as in getting out of your shell and noticing that you are, is that there will still be times when it doesn’t feel like you’ve grown at all! times when you can’t really connect with anyone around you, times when you fail to enter into an existing conversation, times when you say the wrong thing (or nothing at all when in hindsight you probably should’ve). but that’s also kind of the best thing, because that’s the thing that helps you realize that sometimes, it’s not you or your lack of skills or any shortcoming. sometimes certain environments just aren’t for you and certain people aren’t your people, and that’s okay. that’s human. it’s okay to not feel the progress you have made all the time.
#and that goes for every type of growth#backstory of this post:#after I came back after a few months of doing my international internship I felt so much more confident#it was easier making friends and walking up to people#i took more chances#and generally just heard it a lot from those around me who kept telling me how much i’d changed#this was further supported by my first office job that went pretty well#but then came my grad internship. and while i love the work and have met some great people I noticed it was difficult again#there was one office lunch where no one spoke to me at all! it was my first week and I didn’t know what to say#if i should even say anything#we were all sitting at the same table#not one person even glanced my way#it made me doubt myself; i was doing so well before#was that even real? why can’t I just speak up? this is not the way to connect with people#especially in my first week!#but you know what#i was still doing well. i just had to factor in the fact that these were all middle aged people talking about reality shows i didn’t watch#and bikes i knew nothing about#as well as people who knew i was the new intern yet didn’t speak to me at all even though I’d introduced myself to them all individually#and even so#people I couldn’t really talk to about MY interests outside of work either#my point being:#it’s okay to not feel a connection with everyone you meet#it’s okay to fall back into old habits even though you’ve developed new ones#it will never unravel the process you’ve made and the connections you’ve built#you’re doing fine#after this internship I will surround myself with people who reaffirm that belief#growth in the self#self love#positivity
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worldwright · 1 month ago
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Malevolent Yellow thoughts have been fermenting for months now. It's the nature versus nurture of it all. Is a good person born or made? How much can they choose it in the face of a world that won't let them?
When John first woke up with Arthur, he was terrified. He had no idea who he was, where he was, he had no control over his form or direction, he had no purpose. He defaulted to the survival tactic most familiar to him: manipulation. He wanted to control Arthur -- and thus, his own situation -- without leaving himself vulnerable. It worked, for a time. But his own memory loss made him slip up, and it turned out Arthur was more canny than he anticipated. And yet, when gaps opened in his defenses, Arthur responded with kindness. Understanding, sympathy. He didn't take advantage of that vulnerability. Honestly, even without his month with Lily, I believe John would have opened up to Arthur.
But John's relationship with Arthur had begun on even footing. Neither of them had any memory. Both were lost and confused and desperate for answers. Both were wary of each other, but forced by circumstance to work together. Another place where they could sympathize. They both made compromises along the road as they settled in with each other.
But Yellow?
Yellow is the exact same as John was. Terrified, alone, with no control and no memory. But he was greeted with someone who KNEW him. Someone who his manipulation didn't work on. Someone with all the power over him while he was left with no leverage and no escape. And this person told him who he was supposed to be. Said, I know you. No you don't! The person who you love was grown, not born!
Of course, Arthur realized this eventually. But the damage was already done. Instead of learning to fit together organically, it was stilted and forced, tainted with the expectation that Yellow would eventually be someone he knew nothing about -- someone who both he and John himself would have recoiled from upon first waking!
John and Yellow have a fascinating dialogue about strength and weakness. Yellow claims to know the meaning of strength. Maybe he does. It's all he's ever known. John claims to have earned the power of weakness. Vulnerability. Trust. Yellow never got a chance to find that. It took John time and love and reciprocated weakness to find that meaning for himself, and to embrace it. Yellow was under threat from the first moment he existed. And when -- suddenly, without warning or countermeasure -- he was trapped with Larson instead, he had no choice but to continue using the tactics that kept him safest.
Yellow is a prisoner, first and foremost. He never had autonomy, not even to decide what he wanted. Arthur told him that he wanted to become someone weak. Larson told him that he wanted to be an all-powerful god. One of those tends to have more control over their circumstances, and Yellow chose accordingly.
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siro-cyll · 4 months ago
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"HAHAHAHA FORDSY SURE IS DURABLE"
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keferon · 3 months ago
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jus wanted to say the Blurr spotlight comic was the first I ever read too except I hadd the exact opposite reaction I thought he was the most gorgeous thing I ever laid my eyes upon. I dunno I just thought that was funny
Ahaha oh well I thought he was ugly for like..first fifteen pages? And the more I looked at him the more I was like
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turtleblogatlast · 9 months ago
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[ cw: dismemberment / ]
I think a lot about how Leo’s rescue could have easily ended in him losing a leg as the portal snaps shut on the Krang still clutching the limb, or, alternatively, only having Leo’s right arm make it out, still held dearly in his brother’s hand as the rest of Leo is left behind. (The latter hits even harder, as it directly parallels his future self in the worst of ways.)
I think a lot about how so many things could have gone wrong during the course of the movie with even a little bit of a change, but it really is harrowing how much of a coin-flip the entirety of the Prison Dimension rescue was.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#dismemberment /#if literally any part of the prison dimension rescue was different it would have ended Very Badly#mikey came in clutch for doing the impossible in the first place#raph grabbing leo and not once letting go was vital#and donnie directly hitting the krang was essential#hell leo having the ability to reach out at all in the state he was in was a miracle#listen I think about the prison dimension a lot if you couldn’t tell#for the next tags:#strangulation mention /#physical trauma induced mutism /#potential death mention /#potential sibling death mention /#barely it mainly focuses on if he lives but /#I also think about how Leo’s trachea could have easilyyy given out as Raph (krangified) was choking him#can you imagine the last words raph hearing from his little brother being I’m sorry?#he’d likely live as the hamato bros are built different but imagine if he straight up can’t talk again after#the bros having no idea what Leo’s plan is but they suddenly feel him disappear with the portal#or also#imagine all he gets out in his hoarse voice is to beg Casey to close the portal before his family HEARS the sudden silence like a knife#even if he gets saved his voice may be wrecked or even gone for good#what am I writing wait-#also for my point on leo losing his arm paralleling his future self#imagine fate being a thing in this world but a VERY situational thing#imagine it makes it so that leo has to lose a limb#but not just that - it also ties his presence directly with the Krang’s - so if the Krang’s somewhere else…so is he
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What can I say? They're my favorite.
#twdg#twdg clouis#clouis#twdg clementine#twdg louis#sometimes they creep back into my mind and i'm like 'ah yes' like a crow admiring a pretty stone they found years ago and kept#also thank you pi for the screenshots. i used to have a whole folder full of them but that was when i was doing themed nights#the source for these is me i just have a random document full of dynamics and ship things i enjoy because.....i dunno i like keeping track#and so many of them apply to clouis but there's also an overlap of with clouis and rose/alistair [my warden from origins and alistair] like#alistair's romance route is like an evolved matured and extended version of clouis sksksks gee i wonder if i have a type#look you present me with a character who deflects with humor and isn't taken seriously by the rest of the group and the longer you know the#the more you realize how high they've built a wall around themselves and how *unwell* they really are and how they're not as sunshine#as they present themselves and also they avoid leadership and responsibility until they grow closer with someone who pushes them#and they end stronger and more balanced as a person while finding the affection they've craved#and also there's the daddy issues#present me with that character as a romantic option and i'm in no questions asked okay i don't want the mean broody one that's meh to me#i want the one that has every reason to be broody but chooses not to be because they have a completely different defense mechanism#and a warped sense of themselves and self-esteem issues they leave unaddressed until forced to face them#i'm just saying i'm aware that i have a type i'm always going to gravitate toward clouis nearly checks all the boxes#also the lack of clouis these days? my crops are thirsty and i have too many ongoing projects to do anything about it other than this sksks#so until i make time to finish my long ass louis/clouis analysis this is the best i can provide for now
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canonkiller · 1 year ago
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do you consider your self made?
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rustedleopard · 3 months ago
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I feel like if Chujin was still alive during the events of Undertale Yellow, his and Clover's relationship would be incredibly rocky. Pacifist!Clover could bring him around to tolerating them (after all, they have that sort of effect on everyone), but it would be more in a "this human is the only 'good' human" manner than a "maybe I should reevaluate my opinions on humans overall because you can't judge an entire group based off (very biased) stories and one bad experience." Even then, that opinion would be subject to change should Clover ever get frustrated or behave "too aggressively" or act in any manner that isn't perfectly docile. If Clover ends up attacking a monster then it's "humans are just as horrible as they were in the war stories, I should've known better" regardless of the circumstances that could've pushed Clover to fight. Suffocating expectations and endless demands for patience when he wouldn't ask the same of a fellow monster.
And heaven forbid he ever meet Clover on a No Mercy Run...
#undertale yellow#i hc that his parents were involved in the war and he was born after monsters were sealed underground#so he's one degree removed from all that trauma which is understandable why he'd be so afraid#but at the same time Blackjack had similar circumstances and he came around to liking clover and judging based on character#instead of by who someone is.#sometimes you need to sit down and realize that the problem is you and your views instead of everyone else but he doesn't strike#me as the sort to do that type of self reflection.#Chujin is a character who is absolutely ruled by his fear. he leaves kanako and dalv alone after they were attacked by a human#to sicc axis on integrity. he hinged his whole career on building guard robots (and judging by some of the paperwork in the Steamworks#he was the only one who wanted to build guard robots).#he destroyed his health and left his wife a widow/his child fatherless to craft a serum to defeat humans.#he experimented on a human (child's!!!!) soul and ordered his wife to k.ill an INNOCENT human.#he literally says that humans are incapable of decency in any form!!!!! the writing is on the wall!!!!!#not to sound like I'm bashing on his character because he did do a lot of good for the underground. he made the honeydew resort heater#and Martlet's balcony. and it's implied he built the bridge between the wild east and Starlo's family's farm with the fox-bell#symbol on that bridge. he inspired martlet to take up woodwork which put her on the path to joining the Royal Guard and meeting clover#he likely did a bunch of other good things as well that never got brought up. he did do some good actions.#but he is not someone that i would call a good person.#(realized i ended up with a long string of tags down here. if someone wants to screenshot it and add it to the post go for it)#edit: i find it utterly fascinating that he calls humans incapable of decency yet acknowledges that there can be a pure human SOUL#what an utter hypocrite! i doubt the contradiction ever even occurred to him!#uty analysis
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milquetoad · 1 year ago
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of the many injustices put forth toward the show by fans i think the most overall damaging and telling of a complete lack of critical viewership is the idea that sam riegel builds his characters with nothing more than the bit in mind. like you are only telling on yourself if you think characters like scanlan shorthalt and veth brennato are one-dimensional and depthless
#if im being exTREMEly generous i can maybe understand this view of scanlan if you started c1 and then gave up 30 episodes later#he played the long game with him more than any other and a lot of his growth could be looked at as shallow if you DIDNT watch til the payoff#but any time this opinion is used as a blanket over all of his characters including tary and even FCG.. like be serious#i mean at this point im definitely biased bc he is my favorite player at the table. However. that wasnt always the case#and even when i was myself writing some character choices off i NEVER applied that to the characters themselves. how can you??#seen sooo many ppl criticize him for making veth an alcoholic or scanlan irreverent & hedonistic as tho it’s only possible#to play these traits as shallow jokes or at best played out satire…. and then the same person will turn around#and praise how percy was built to be pompous & superior and jester immature & self-centered and caleb steeped in self-effacing hubris#why are these characters and their players given a near universal acceptance of nuance and acknowledgement of growth & healing#but SAMS CHARACTERS ARE NOT!!!!#this turned into such a rant but it bothers me SO much. everyone at the cr table is so goddamned talented#and takes the game as seriously as it deserves#so many more points i could argue but this is already so goddamn long no one is reading this far. i love sam and all of his characters <333#critical role#sam riegel#scanlan shorthalt#veth brennato#my posts
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jojo-schmo · 1 year ago
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Just Admit It- Part 1
I've been playing around with possible friendship dynamics of the Beast Council for fun!! I love imagining what kind of childhood they could have in the Forgotten Land all together.
What if Carol and Sillydillo are the fun-loving extroverts? Leon is the introverted one who's been smitten by Carol for a really really long time but he's too shy about it? And Gori is the friend who is an excellent observer and will bluntly tell you what he thinks (and maybe has a tendency to get grumpy when things aren't easily going his way).
Somewhat of a prequel to this other doodle comic about Leon and Carol- everyone here is still a kid ^_^
Part 2
#I know beast pack headcanons are so wildly up to interpretation! there's a few canon personality traits and lots of space to fill in betwee#I also just love stories about a group of lifelong friends all doing their best!#so why not play around with them and see what kind of stories about love and friendship they might experience? heehee.#and not all of them are about just Leon and Carol I have other plans!! this is just one of the first ones I have :P#these are quick and very self indulgent but I hope they can still be enjoyable hehe#friend squads for the win!!#also I feel like I draw the beast council a little differently every time I try lol. I'm getting used to them okay they are all so so shape#you should see the first drawings I ever tried to do of them. they are a little rough xD#I'm starting to understand why there's not a TON of content for them. Pretty much everyone except Carol are BUILT DIFFERENT#LEONGAR. WHY is your body and head proportioned like that?! you made me make up my own rules for drawing you!!#sillydillo and your funny little snout! I learned so much studying you! and I have so much work to do with all of you adjakflja#but I guess that's the definition of developing personal art styles huh?#so I guess these funny little stories have the added benefit of getting me more comfortable with the beasts!#ANYWAY that concludes this round of Jojo's director's commentary. like and subscribe#beast pack#clawroline#leongar#sillydillo#gorimondo#beast council#Kirby and the forgotten land#Kirby series#art#caroleon#????#sHOOT I still don't know the ship name I can't commit to one someone please tell me what it is I don't want to make one up ahh#ask me to tag it and I will happily do so sdjakfljdsla
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flowery-laser-blasts · 8 months ago
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Working on my Shego cosplay and shared some progress pics.
Both @creatorping and my bf gave me a little pep-boost 😭💖
So I ended up doodling sleeveless Shego as a result.
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daftpatience · 11 months ago
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one thing I have learned about being poor is that you cannot for a moment stop thinking about it
#theres no peace#every little thing reminds me we are poor#seeing friends having electricity wifi heat food gas. it all costs money. and bills and fees and charges happen all the damn time#im constantly worried that i am measing up somehow or im not keeping track of my finances properly#the person handling our disability assistance application keeps coming back with question after question about my job#and i have so much doubt and fear that ive made some mistake in my answers that will disqualify us from support#and theres this sick backwards stupid thing where applying for and being on disability support is discouraging me from trying to make money#because the more i make the less likely we'll get support but i need to make money to live#its just fucked. and once we're on support i have to make monthly reports of my income so ill feel like im explaining myself all the fuckin#time#cus the system isnt built in a way that makes sense for self employed ppl who have business expenses to account for#sorry for the ranting i cant sleep#truly truly i think poverty is making me a worse persin#more anxious more resentful more jealous more miserable more spiteful#i have so little and there is so little i can do to help it#i want things in a more desparate and even childish way than i used to eant things#spend a lot more time fantasizing about magically having expendable income#not to mention the constant exponential guilt that comes from asking for help or recieving help. its guilt i need to unlearn but i feel it
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nemesis-is-my-middle-name · 1 month ago
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denkilightning · 1 month ago
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someone smart say something about the paralells and foils of their masks
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achillean-knight · 9 months ago
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I'm not gonna indulge too much in my Undertale AU on Tumblr, I am gonna just keep it private as I do wanna keep my main focus on my FNAF AU, but here y'all go
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It's a little rough, but people really liked my Mettaton AU design so I wanted to desperately draw him :')
It's not the best, but I wanted to draw something today.
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