#ALL MY SANITY DRAINED AS I DRAW THEM

[shuuen-no-cimory]

Since Comifuro 19 has passed, time for me to post my most ASBFHSVJCVH work that I made this CF!!

The Trio Gunners kabedon photocards, which includes 90% of my power to draw...

[all-my-ocs-are-evil]

Grojband, but as a band from an early 2000s shoujo manga

[thechekhov]

Hi! I'm working as a teacher for the first time this fall, and I'd like to ask you: in your experience, how do you go about working as a teacher and also finding time for your wips like the SU comic? And do you have any tips for someone who has zero experience working with kids (13-15 y/o)? Thanks in advance, and have a nice day!!

I think everyone's experience with this will be different - based on where you're teaching, what subject you're teaching, whether you'll actually be the main-teacher immediately or if you're simply observing class at first/assisting and how much guidance you'll get from actual experience teachers, etc..... but my biggest advice may be a bit counterintuitive:

Don't try to find time. Just wait for time to find you.

I think people often assume they have more time than they actually do. Teaching is pretty time-consuming, but it's also INCREDIBLY energy-consuming. It's difficult not only because of the hours, but also because it physically and mentally drains you more than, say, an office job would. You have to be On all the time as a teacher - you have to be watching the students, paying attention to what they're saying, paying attention to what YOU'RE saying, paying attention to the schedule, paying attention to the lesson, etc. It's a lot of brainwork!

Regardless of your level of experience, you're going to be coming home WAY too tired to do anything but lay down. That's going to be the bulk of your evenings.

Contrary to what it seems like, when I first started teaching, I also did that for the first 4-7 months. I didn't draw - I didn't have the energy or time to. I came home, I collapsed, I got up to make dinner, and then I spaced out. Sometimes I got dragged out by friends for social activities. I drew only on the weekends, IF I felt like it.

Eventually, though, I trampled down my schedule into something workable. I started drawing regularly because my body and brain got used to the daily strain and became stronger. (That's something that's less known about brains, I think... you have to train yourself to be able to handle that sort of mental stress over time. It's like endurance training.)

Also. And I need to make this clear:

At the time when I was drawing THE MOST and posting REALLY OFTEN (daily for @ask-whitepearl-and-steven) I was already living with my partner. About 3 years in, we were in the same apartment together and he helped out a TON with laundry and cooking. That made a huge difference. I had support on basic tasks which would have eaten into my time even more.

What I'm saying is - having time for hobbies is great. But you need to make sure you're not cutting off pieces of yourself, or your sanity, in order to make that happen. Try to be kind and give yourself time to adjust.

As for the advice about kids/teens:

They're people with complicated lives outside of you/the school. If they don't immediately respond to you, don't take it personally.

They're people who haven't yet learned total emotional regulation - try to be kind about how grumpy/angry/moody/anxious they often are. Try to react like you would to an adult.

They're only people. Be kind to them.

They're full on people. Don't let them get away with being cruel to you or others. They CAN understand at that age that they hurt others. If they make a rude joke, don't laugh awkwardly - a good stare can go a long way.

Good luck!

[brodorokihousuke]

thinking about the fact that i made a horrible gross (23k word long??) ace attorney fanfic in high school that is bad and awful. I got a credit for it. I did not deserve that credit

some highlights of said fanfic are

Apollo runs into a door so hard he fucking obliterates it and breaks his wrist in the process. This is never relevant again

Clay does not know what GYAXA stands for despite working for them

Athena accuses Apollo of blowing up the courtroom and nearly killing her with all of the zeal of someone who just got their lunch stolen out of the office fridge

"A police stands up"

Apollo finds Thalassa murdered, after which I immediately jump cut to one year after apollo was fucking executed for her murder

I combined Apollo and Clay's spirits to make some weird mix of them, creatively named Aclay. He is inexplicably evil. He might be a demon? I hate this guy so much. I hate him so much that I still draw him sometimes out of spite it's literally so stupid

Halfway through the fanfiction I reveal that it had all just been a bad dream. Then I do it again. And again. and again. This happens at least seven times in quick succession.

"He kicks over a chair but sets it back up like a polite young man"

Trucy says "Wuzzup guys!"

Story ends with no moral and a vague implication that Clay was supposed to be an antagonist

i'm of the honest opinion that the thing is a cursed object and by continuing to look at it my sanity is slowly draining away

[dalchiid]

𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 46

A story of obsession, fear, and lust. You're a maid whose Masters forbid you in meeting their guests for the night but your luck runs dry when you run into them and catch the attention of Lord Hoseok himself. He's smitten from the beginning and thus, your fate has been decided.

Pairing: Yandere Vampire Hoseok x Fem/AFAB Reader

Word Count: 6,076

Warnings: 18+, Yandere, Obsession, Possessive, Angst, Fear, Blood, Biting, Dub-Con, Eventual smut

Will add or remove warnings based on what's in each chapter.

I do not condone the behavior being exhibited in my work. This is solely for entertainment purposes and I hope if any of you are ever in a situation like this that you have the chance and ability to run away from it. Take care out there.

DO NOT copy, edit, or repost my work anywhere.

Chapter 46 Warnings: Yandere, Possessive, Obsession, Self-deprecation, Mentions of feeling violated, Angst

Prev | Next

Your eyes hurt from crying so much. Just the reminder of why you're here talking to Yoongi makes your chest ache but you needed to talk. Maybe it was stupid of you because the vampire before you has his head cradled in his hands after he heard what you had to say but it's too late to take it back now.

Yoongi stays silent with his fingers halfway through his hair. He grips the strands tightly and loosens them after a second. The way he goes without answering makes you freak out a little making you rub your hands between each other.

"I'm sorry," you say. "I shouldn't-"

He cuts you off with a finger raised in your direction effectively silencing you. You swallow deeply and wait for him to sit up with a deep sigh. Licking his lips he looks towards the ceiling and just stares until he can finally find the right words to tell you.

"You know if Hoseok finds out about this that's it. You're never leaving his room ever again."

You ball up your hands into fists to stop the way they shake. "I know."

Yoongi turns to look at you. "And you're not joking, right? You actually did this?"

He won't say exactly what you told him. How you and Namjoon have been sneaking behind Hoseok's back to hook up. How just a couple of minutes ago you did just that. Right before Namjoon told you the truth. The way he took your heart and broke it apart so ruthlessly. The sound of his laughter still rings in your head.

You nod before looking down at your lap.

Yoongi releases another sigh but this time he sounds absolutely exhausted. As if hearing what you said is draining him dry. A thought strikes you then causing you to nervously look his way.

"Do you think he'll tell Hoseok?"

Yoongi shakes his head. "Namjoon is stupid but he's not that stupid. He knows that if he does say something Hoseok will never let him live it down. They may be brothers but that's a grudge I don't think Hoseok will ever let go of." He scratches his face. "Why though?"

Your brows draw together in confusion. He sees your reaction and elaborates further.

"Why did you tell me all of this?"

You shrug. "I hate being here but after what just happened it's also come to hurt. I don't want to be here anymore and if not Minjeong you can help me get out."

He purses his lips as he looks off towards the side.

You know you really hit him hard with bad news that's making him question your sanity you're sure. And you also know you put him in a precarious situation between two brothers with their own issues. You can't imagine how this is making him feel right now but you hope this plea of yours will be heard.

Turning his attention back towards you he hums. "I'm going to need some time. You know that, right? We need a time where some if not all my brothers are gone from the house and it cant be obvious that it's me who helped you escape. I was the only one home when Minjeong left. If the same happens with you people will start asking questions. And Seokjin's lapdogs are already hot on your heels. I'm actually surprised no one caught you and Namjoon while knowing that."

You hate it but you know he's right.

Yoongi sighs again and crosses his arms. "And you need money and a place to stay."

"I have money," you say.

"From where?"

"From my old job. I saved up a lot."

He quirks a brow up in interest. "Did you open the account yourself or did the Baeks do it?"

You frown a little. "They did it for me."

He sucks his teeth. "You need to take that money out if the account is still open. They could close it whenever they want. I'm actually surprised you still have access to it... You do, right?"

You nod your head but then you send a questioning look his way. "When would be the best time to take it all out? As you know I'm stuck with Hoseok most of the time."

Yoongi purses his lips while he thinks. "It's not your first time leaving the house without him. I can take you out in guise of just wanting to spend time with you. We'll take all your money out then."

"Okay," you softly say.

"All that's left is to find you a place."

"Maybe Minjeong can help with that?"

"I don't have her number."

"I do."

Both his eyebrows raise in interest but before he can ask you answer.

"The day at the mall when we ran into her, she managed to pass me a note with her number on it. I have her listed under a different name so that if Hoseok finds it he won't know it's her."

Yoongi slowly nods his head. "Alright. Maybe we can work something out with her." He continues to nod until something hits him then. "Wait."

You hum questioningly. "What?"

He sends a look your way you don't like.

"What are you going to do without my brother's saliva?"

Realization dawns upon you then. Fuck. He's right.

This always seems to be the topic of conversation when it comes to these vampires and the option to go to a rehab looms over you.

As if he knows where your mind is going Yoongi speaks up.

"If you go to a rehab it'll have to be far from here. Hoseok wouldn't hesitate to find you the minute he knows you're gone and I don't doubt one of the first places he'll look into are rehab centers."

You don't want to go to a rehab. You didn't want to back when you were with your former Masters and you don't want to now either, but you're left with little options.

"I doubt Minjeong would be willing to help with that," you say but Yoongi shakes his head.

"I don't know if Minjeong's saliva is anything like ours but even then don't think about it. I'd prefer you make it out of here with me knowing you'll get some help."

Your form visibly deflates but you know he's just trying to do things right. The high is the only good thing about Hoseok and you're going to miss that. Tremendously.

Yoongi takes a deep breath in and gives another sigh with it. "Talk to Minjeong when you can and whatever she says relay it back to me. I want us to be on the same page. For now though we'll have to act like nothing is up. You can't leave just yet."

You nod before you're hit with a thought. "What about Namjoon?"

Yoongi hums. "Hoseok can't know anything."

"I know but I really don't want to be in a room alone with him... Not after today."

He sees the way a wave of sadness falls over you and hesitantly places a hand on your shoulder.

"Stick with Hoseok as much as possible. If he offers for you to stay with Namjoon let him know you'd rather be with him. Don't be too obvious about wanting to avoid our brother though because he'll suspect something is up."

You nod along to his words.

"And if for some reason you end up alone with Namjoon ignore him. I know that's easier said than done by don't take whatever bait he throws your way. Even if he says he wants to apologize don't fall for it. It'll just be another lie of many more to come."

It hurts knowing that this is how things are going to be between you and Namjoon. You enjoyed being with him. Fell for his affection that you now know to be fake. You wonder maybe if you wouldn't have confessed to him would he still have pretended to be yours?

You don't want to think about it. The wound is too fresh right now.

"Hey."

You look at Yoongi who gives you a soft look. He squeezes your shoulder gently before releasing you.

"It'll be okay. You'll see."

You can only hum in response.

He stands up from his bed and walks over to his nightstand where his phone lies. Picking it up he checks for the time and looks at you.

"It's going to be a while before Hoseok comes back. You're welcome to stay here until he does."

You look down at your bare feet and the shoes that lie by your side. You could stay here but right now you feel gross. After having done what you did with Namjoon - back before now you would have glowed but now you just feel dirty and used.

"I want to wash up first." The words leave you softly.

Yoongi grabs the remote that was next to his phone and turns on the TV. "Well when you're done you know where to find me."

You give him one last look before you grab your shoes and stand.

To be honest you don't want to be alone and you're thankful Yoongi is giving you a place to stay until Hoseok gets back. For now though you need to hide and lick your wounds so you can begin to heal. Even if you never fully do you need to at least try.

When you leave his room you look around you. Two maids are heading down towards the stairs and don't notice you coming out. You look off towards the direction of Namjoon's room but you don't see him. You wonder if he's still in there or if he left but you're not about to stick around and find out.

You hurriedly make your way to Hoseok's room and slip in. Once the door is closed silence is all that joins you. It's deafening after everything and you can't stand it.

Sighing you make your way over to the closet and drop your shoes off where Hoseok keeps them. You find fresh new pajamas and toss the ones from before and the clothes you wear now into the hamper. More than anything you want Namjoon's scent off of you and you actually feel bad knowing Hoseok will be able to smell him if he passes by the hamper. Not because you feel for Hoseok but because it'll serve as a reminder that you were with his brother. It makes you remove them and pull out some of the clothes that way you can bury them deep within the basket. With that done you head towards the shower.

You turn the water on and set it for something warm. Warmer than usual. As that settles you look into the mirror and see how puffy your face looks from all the crying. The sight of it makes your brows draw together as you frown.

The urge to cry is still there. When you have your heart broken that will happen to you. You feel stupid and embarrassed. Were there any signs you should have looked out for? Maybe there were you were just too absorbed in your emotions to care.

Namjoon's laughter still rings in your ears and the sound of it makes another wave of embarrassment to come over you.

Gods you're so stupid. When will you learn not to trust people so easily?

Fresh tears pool out of your eyes. You can't bring yourself to continue staring at your reflection so you turn around and head to the shower.

When the water touches your skin you welcome the slight burn. You need to wash yourself off of Namjoon. You feel violated in so many ways.

"I should have gotten you to jerk me off before breaking the news."

A broken sob leaves you and you find yourself full on crying now. You have to sit on the seating in the shower and cover your face as you cry.

It hurts. So much. Why did things have to be this way? Why do you have to be in so much pain and all because Namjoon saw you as fresh game? You were nothing but entertainment for him. Entertainment that willingly gave themself up. How could you be so stupid? There's no other answer to that other than that's just how you are. Stupid. It honestly makes you laugh a little but in a self-deprecating manner.

After a while of crying you stand up to shower. You want him off of you and you use the somewhat hot water to do that. Use your soap to do that. Scrub away at your skin to do that. You even wash your hair. All to be rid of Namjoon.

When you're done you feel raw but clean. Physically speaking because inside your soul you're far from it. After doing your skincare routine you get dressed in your pajamas and take the time to dry your hair. You want to take care of yourself after the blow you took so you take your time. You don't know how long it's been since everything that happened so you check the time and see that it's late into the day. Only the gods know how long it's going to take before Hoseok comes back. You could stay in his room until then despite Yoongi's offer. You feel embarrassed but you decide that yeah, staying with Yoongi might be better. Staying alone with your thoughts doesn't sound appealing to you. At all. So you put on your slippers with phone in hand and make your way back over to the thoughtful vampire. You're sure to check the halls though as you head over. You really don't want to bump into Namjoon. No one is in sight though and so you quickly make your way back to Yoongi.

You knock on the door and hear a soft "Come in" from inside. When you open the door you see Yoongi sat on his chair with a keyboard sat before him and on a foldable table something with many colorful squares on it and a laptop. His headphones are resting around his neck as he takes the chance to look at you.

"Better," he asks.

You nod your head.

He brings up the left part of his headphones up to cup his ear and presses the keyboard. It's silent so you suspect he can hear it through the headphones.

"You're welcome to watch TV while I work here."

"Are you sure?" You frown. "I don't want to bother you."

"You won't be bothering me. I wouldn't have invited you to stay if I thought you would be a bother."

You give him a barely there smile but it's enough for him to see and smile back.

You look at the TV he's left on for you and see it's showing a movie. It's one you've seen before and liked so you leave it on to watch.

Sitting on his bed you're afraid to do more than just that. You sit on the edge of his bed and just stare at the TV.

"You can lay in bed, Y/N."

Your brows shoot up as you look at Yoongi. He isn't even looking at you as he continues to mess with his things. You don't question him though as you slip off your slippers and settle into the middle of his bed. It's unmade and so you take the chance to slip beneath the silky smooth sheets and settle them up to your waist as you sit up against the pillows.

Your time spent here is finishing the movie that was on when you came here and getting a little over the halfway mark of the second one when your brain tries to remind you about what happened. It dampens your mood causing you to sigh. You pick up your phone to check out the games you have on it - anything to keep you distracted. It's when you unlock it do you realize something. You can text Minjeong. You access your contacts and find the pseudonym you have for her. Yoongi said to contact her and tell him everything she had to say. You wonder if she's available now but you'll give it a shot and see.

You: Minjeong?

You purse your lips and place the phone down to watch the movie again. You're giving Minjeong time to get back to you but you have to admit you're a little nervous. What if everything falls through? You don't even have a plan yet but you're expecting the worse.

You should have a little more faith in Yoongi, you think. He's really going to go out of his way to try and help you. And you don't know Minjeong that well but it seems like she truly wants to help too. After everything she's been through with Hoseok she came all this way to see you to try and help anyway. Would you have gone that far for a stranger? You honestly don't know.

Your phone vibrates after a moment and you're quick to pick it up but when you check you frown when you see it's from Hoseok instead.

Hoseok: I'm sorry I'm not home yet baby but this stuff takes a while. We'll more than likely do some today and the rest another time but for now just hold on.

Hoseok: I hope Namjoon isn't boring you or anything lol

Your frown grows deeper at the mention of his brother.

What should you type back?

You: It's okay.

But is it? You quickly type out a response to follow your two words.

You: Things are fine.

They are because you're with Yoongi but you won't mention that. You don't want Hoseok asking questions right now so you keep quiet about it.

Immediately afterwards Hoseok sends two emojis your way. A ☺️ and 😘 stare back at you but you make no effort to write back.

You place the phone back down and after a minute it buzzes again and you pick it up with clenched teeth thinking it's Hoseok but you're surprised to see it's Minjeong instead.

Dawn: Who is this?

You're quick to type back in hopes of getting a positive response.

You: It's Y/N. This is Minjeong right?

You trap your bottom lip between your teeth as you stare at the screen.

Minjeong wouldn't have given you a fake number you're sure but you just needed to make sure it was her you were texting.

Dawn: Y/N! Yes it's me. How are you?

Distraught and embarrassed for starters but you won't say that - instead something else.

You: I'm okay I guess...

You: You were right. About Namjoon. He isn't who I thought he was.

When you press send you have to bite your lip harder to prevent the urge to cry.

The answer comes after a few seconds.

Dawn: I'm sorry Y/N. I don't know who you thought he was to you but now you see the truth. None of the brothers can be trusted. Only Yoongi.

You: I see that now..

You pause with a sniffle. No. You're not going to cry over Namjoon again. You won't let him have that power over you.

Minjeong doesn't text you back but you don't want to end it here. You have to start making a plan.

You: Yoongi admitted that he saved you. He's willing to help me get out too. Money isn't an issue but I need a place to stay.

You: He said I should go to a rehab but not near here. Do you maybe know any around you? How far do you live if that's okay to know?

It takes a while for a response. So much so that you figure she's either busy or hesitant to tell you where she lives. You wouldn't blame her then if that's the case. How can she trust that you won't say anything to Hoseok? She doesn't know you like that. But when you least expect it she answers you.

Dawn: I live around 7-8 hours away which is enough distance needed between you and Hoseok. I can look into rehab centers for you and I'll let you know what I find.

Dawn: How much money do you have? Unless you have health insurance you'll need to pay for your stay and once you're better we'll need to find you a home.

You know she's right. You don't know how much they'll charge you at the rehab and you don't plan on overstaying more than you need to. You saved enough money you believe so you tell her.

You: Trust me it's enough. I've been saving since I first started working and that's when I was 13.

Dawn: That sounds good. Even then I'll be willing to help with any expenses you might need so don't think you'll be alone in this.

That's kind of her. To be honest the whole idea of escaping has you nervous because of the what-ifs but having both Minjeong and Yoongi by your side makes you feel a little better.

You: Thank you. Honestly.

Dawn: It's no problem.

Dawn: After everything, if you feel comfortable to, we can set up a restraining order against Hoseok for you. I want to make sure he's out of your life for good.

She's making sure to let you know she'll go through thick and thin for you. It sounds almost too good to be true but she proved to you how far she'll go when she came all this way to see you at the mall.

7-8 hours. That's how far away she lives and yet she came anyway. Would you have ever gone that far for someone you don't know? Especially when it meant you'll run into your kidnapper again? Minjeong is selfless unlike you you believe because you don't think you ever could.

You: Thank you.

Dawn: Of course.

Dawn: I'll start looking into rehab centers nearby. I'll let you know what I find and what the best options are.

You: Okay. I'll let Yoongi know what's up. He wants to be informed as much as possible before any attempts to leave are made.

Dawn: That sounds good.

Dawn: He's a really good guy. Let's be thankful for him.

You are thankful for Yoongi. The only "normal" brother you've come to truly realize. Namjoon didn't lie about that at least.

You don't know what else to say so you leave it at that. Looking over to Yoongi you see that he's still working on his music. He's been very quiet as you watch TV and even now after your talk with Minjeong. You wonder when would be the best time to tell him about the texts but you don't want to bother him. He's so focused on his work. The more you stare at him the more your thoughts on Minjeong cloud your mind. You wonder how the chance to help her escape came about. We're they already talking about it between each other or was it a spontaneous decision on Yoongi's part? Minjeong was being drugged by Hoseok and so you wonder how he managed to get her out undetected by staff. You would ask Minjeong but would she remember correctly because of the drugs? What was Hoseok using on her anyway?

"You're staring at me."

You jump at the sound of Yoongi's voice.

He raises his head up to look at you before moving his headphones down around his neck. "Something on your mind?"

"Oh." You blink a few times. You weren't expecting to get caught. "Um I talked to Minjeong."

His brows raise a little. "What did she say?"

You cross your legs beneath the sheets as you sit up a little. "She said she's going to look up rehab centers for me around where she lives and that she'll help me out moneywise if need be."

Yoongi nods his head. "That's good. Anything else?"

"Just that if I'm comfortable with it that she'll help me get a restraining order on Hoseok."

His expression is carefully neutral but you can't imagine how he must feel.

"I'm sorry," you say. "This must be tough with Hoseok being your brother and all."

He shrugs. "I want the best for my brother but I can't help him when he's wrong."

Still but you won't push the subject.

Yoongi stretches in his seat with his arms reaching up above. You swear you hear his shoulders pop and it's only then does he sigh in relief.

"Are you hungry," he asks.

To be honest, after what you've been through no you're not but you know you need to eat.

You shrug in response but it's enough for Yoongi to pull out his phone and start searching for something.

"Is there anything you'd like to order?"

You shrug again but realize he can't see you as he continues to go through his phone.

"I'm fine with anything."

Yoongi hums. "Thai it is."

You can't help but to huff a laugh. Yoongi is oftentimes entertaining without meaning to be.

Taking off his headphones Yoongi lies them beside his laptop before standing up from his seat to head into his bathroom without a word. The man is so quiet but it doesn't make you feel uncomfortable. You have a lot of trust in him and for a moment you wonder if you really should. All of his brothers turned out to be problematic in their own ways. What made Yoongi any different from them? It's because of Minjeong why you believe in the best of him and you're holding on to hope that he won't turn his back on you. So far so good, right?

You nod to yourself before looking towards the TV. You'll continue to trust him until for whatever the reason may be you can't anymore.

Yoongi finishes up in the bathroom and comes out with a sigh. "Here," he says. He hands you his phone. "Get what you want. I'll handle the rest."

You grab his phone and check through the menu. He's nice enough to order food for you and you feel like you can't deny his want to help you out. He's done enough so far: listening to you when you needed to be heard, comforting you, letting you stay with him until Hoseok comes back. You appreciate him. Truly you do.

Once you find something you hand him back his phone and he's quick to order what he wants as well.

"It won't be long," he says. "The Thai place is close by."

You hum. "Thank you."

Yoongi looks at you with a brow raised.

"For everything. You don't have to do any of the things that you're doing but you are and I appreciate it."

He shrugs. "It's nothing."

"No really." Your fingers play with the edge of the blanket. "I know I'm asking for a lot - wanting to escape and all of that but you're being very selfless."

He comes over to sit next to you on the bed. "Continue. You're doing wonders for my ego."

You can't help but laugh and it makes him smile. A smile that shows his gums and looks absolutely endearing on him.

He grows a little serious then as he speaks. "I don't mind helping. I feel like I have to make up for my brothers' faults in some way."

"It's not your responsibility though," you say.

"I know but someone has to do something and we both know it's not going to be Hoseok or any of the others."

Before you thought it would have been Namjoon but now you know that's a lie. It's just you, Yoongi, and Minjeong now. You don't know if you should feel sad or not about that.

Yoongi seems to notice your thoughts are straying from something positive because he questions you on it.

"What are you thinking about?"

Your eyes drift over to him for a moment. "Do you honestly want to know?"

He nods.

Sighing you sit up a little straighter. When did you hunch over so much? Like the weight of your thoughts are too heavy to bare.

"Namjoon."

Yoongi purses his lips as he takes a slow and even breath in before releasing it with his words.

"It's going to be hard getting over it but over time you will."

Your shoulders sag. "I wish things would have been different between us."

"In what way?"

"I wish I never fell for him. That we should have stayed as friends. Maybe then his lies wouldn't have hurt as much as they did."

"Either way you shouldn't let those type of thoughts consume you." He leans his weight onto his hand. "The more you let the what-ifs and "I shouldn't have/I should haves" bother you you'll never be able to heal. All it's going to do is ruin you and let Namjoon win."

Let Namjoon win... You don't want that to happen of course but a part of you just wants to wallow in self-pity even though you know you shouldn't.

"Have you ever had your heart broken?"

Yoongi continues to stare at you. "No but I imagine it doesn't feel good."

"It doesn't." You sigh. "I know you're right I'm just - it hurts is all."

He hums. "We should find a distraction then. For now at least until it hurts a little less."

Your brow raises in interest. "What kind of distraction?"

He stands up from his bed and walks over to the area where his equipment is set up. "I normally don't let anyone listen to my unfinished work but I think I can make one exception. For now at least."

He unplugs his headphones to bring his laptop over to the bed. On the screen are a series of things you can't bring yourself to understand but you know they must be related to music. You watch as Yoongi brings up a window filled with files labeled by numbers and he clicks on one of them. When it opens music begins to play.

It starts of with a slow beat accompanied by a rap that picks up speed a few seconds in. The lyrics talk about the extreme choices between what are truth and lies and you find yourself bopping your head along to it.

Yoongi doesn't say a word as you listen to it until the beat continues without the rap. Here he brings the music to a stop and looks at you.

"I don't have the rest of the rap written so it just stops there. Once I figure out what else I want I'll take the time to finish it."

"It's really really good," you say. "And I'm not just saying that because you're in front of me."

A small smile dances on the edge of his lips as a warm blush coats his cheeks. "There are other stuff too."

He clicks on another one and lets it play. One after another. Finished ones as well as incomplete ones.

You learn that Yoongi can both rap and sing even Jungkook who helps his older brother fill in as samples for his incompleted work. That way when he hands off his song to someone else they know what is expected of them. You also learn that DJing is just a small portion of what he can do. He enjoys making music for others to listen to and has done a variety of genres since he was teenager. Whatever genre there is Yoongi has done already and he has a discography made up of many of them from almost all the years of his life. You're heavily impressed and express that to him to which his cheeks grow pinker and the more he talks.

You realize Yoongi loves to talk about the things that make him happy. His voice level raises a bit as he talks more. It's endearing to watch and hear him grow happier by the second because he's talking about his first love: music. You wish there was something in your life that made you this excited to talk about. Maybe someday but for now you'll live vicariously through Yoongi.

"I'm amazed honestly," you say. "You sing, you rap, you play the piano and the guitar. You're a skilled producer that learned everything on his own. That's really impressive, Yoongi."

He gives a shy laugh as he closes the container from the food he ordered you two earlier. While you guys listened to his music you ate happily.

"I'm being serious. I really like your work."

"Thank you," he says with a smile.

He looks so shy but he's glowing with your praise. It makes you smile.

Yoongi gathers his flash drives with his music on them. They're there not because you went through every song on them but because he would grab one here and there to have you listen to specific songs. You're glad the two of you could bond this way as he was the only brother you haven't spent some time with. He showed you a side to himself you've never seen and it warms your heart to know he felt comfortable enough with you to show this side. He even admitted that he doesn't like showing his unfinished work but he did with you. You know it was to distract you from your glaring problem with Namjoon but you appreciate he did that nonetheless.

"I have more work in my study but that can be for another time."

Another time. Yeah, you'd like that.

"Thank you, Yoongi."

He hums in question with both brows raised.

"Thank you for keeping me distracted and for sharing your music with me. You didn't have to but you did and I appreciate it."

A small smile graces his lips as he shrugs. "It's no problem."

You mimic his smile with one of your own.

You enjoyed your time with him and not just because of your issue with Namjoon. For being the most sweetest of the brothers the two of you haven't really gotten to know each other. While he showed you his music he asked for your favorites. The topic then went to movies as you both talked about movie soundtracks. His passion for music made you feel inspired and you expressed that to which he gave you one of his endearing smiles. You talked on and on about music until it felt like there was nothing left about it to talk about.

Your time together was fun and you hope to end this nightmare of a day/night on a positive note because of him.

As he puts his things away you gather your trash from the food you ate and place them into the bag it came in.

"You don't have to do that." Yoongi says. "I can handle it."

"No no it's fine. I made a mess just as much as you did so let me help out."

He doesn't fight you on it and so you continue to clean up.

The sound from the TV accompanies you as you two work around each other. You don't even know what movie is playing right now but it doesn't really have your attention. Your conversation with Yoongi was your main form of entertainment.

Speaking of who, he turns to you after a minute and stares at you with an unreadable expression. You look up at him and raise your brows in question.

"Everything okay," you ask.

He licks his lips and nods. "I just... I'm going to try my best to get you out of here."

Your features soften at his words and something akin to warmth floods your chest. Happiness you think it is. Peace. Gratefulness.

You smile. "Thank you."

He gives you that half smile he oftentimes gives and it makes your own stretch until you show your teeth.

You know you have to give him time. You don't want to wait anymore than what you truly have to but these things take time. You have to wait for Minjeong to get back to you with the list of rehabs around her area and then formulate a plan to get out of here and how to head to her. Things Iike this don't happen overnight and so you'll wait. At least you have Yoongi on your side in this house. He's the breath of fresh air you've been needing to survive here. Hopefully until the very end.

[inkdemonapologist]

A buncha scribbles from session 15 of the BatIM Cthulhu game! including:

Prophet swapped Sammy in for a brief moment of awareness before the final ritual to release the muses, in which he was relieved to see Susie okay and Susie was glad to see him... back to normal! Oh geez. Sammy doesn't actually know what Prophet's interactions with Susie were, but he's sure he probably regrets them

Susie hummed a little bit of a new version of one of the Bendy songs Sammy had been working on and oH YEAH THATS RIGHT SHE'S STILL KIND OF POSSESSED,

Back when the Coney Island ride they were underneath was flooding, I specified that Prophet was going to climb up the stairs "on all fours" to minimise chances of slipping and falling and I just wanted to try to draw this lmao. i forgot he was wearing a vest here

with Joey exhausted, Allison was the only one who could conduct the final ritual, and Sammy ended up calling out Prophet to keep an eye on her. i was just way too amused by the idea of sammy just TAKING A SWIG OF INK WITHOUT BREAKING EYE CONTACT TO DO THIS

also in addition to me drawing just so many scribbles of sammy lawrence i DO have some out-of-context quotes for you!!

[Sammy is played by me, Joey is played by Boo (inkyvendingmachine), Henry is played by Maf (inkcryptid), Jack is played by Mochi (whatyouwantedmetosee) and Thren (haunted-hijinxer) is our GM!]

[GM] It kind of jolts, and turns – assumedly – towards you, [Sammy] *laughs* YOU CAN’T TELL which direction it’s looking in, just, IT HAS MOVED

[GM] And some tentacles are gonna come at you guys! Like they do. [Jack] #JustTentacleThings

[Joey] This IS Joey’s arm, which means if it does get destroyed by the circle, Joey’s going to be missing an arm…! [Jack] I can fix it, it’s fine, [GM] It’s fine! Yeah! [Sammy] How many limbs would you like to be made of ink, Joey Drew?! [Joey] I dunno if he’s gonna have a CHOICE! [Sammy] You’re going to have fewer working limbs than Moonlight.

[Sammy] These guys might all be those goop people, who are harder to fight than humans – [Henry] I don’t think Henry’s thinking about that. I think Henry just heard Bendy and Joey scream and is in Go Mode. [Sammy] Well-- [Henry] I mean, it’s a smart thought! I don’t think Henry’s having it right now.

[Sammy] Leon, if you want to surprise us all and do something really heroic, PLEASE go for it [Jack] I thought you were going to say “please DON’T” [GM] “Don’t be a hero!!” [Sammy] No no, I think it’s fine, if he wants to be a hero, I think he should do it. [Joey] I mean, if he wants to grab Colette and RUN, that would be great, [Sammy] Yeah, nobody can DRAIN INK out of HIM! [Jack] Unless we’re about to learn something,

[Sammy] No, wait, that was Colette’s parents. I can keep all my minor NPCs straight! [Jack] Straight? In this campaign?! [Sammy] *startled laugh* [GM] Tell me about it…! [Sammy] We can’t keep ANY of our NPCs straight! We’re fundamentally terrible at it.

[Jack] I’m imagining it like, you know when you try to use an item in the wrong place in pokemon? [Joey] THE MASKED MESSENGER SAYS: IT ISN’T THE TIME TO USE THAT!

[Joey] Hold on. I was going between two normal ideas, and then I had a really weird one, so I need to check something. [GM] Joey? Making bad decisions in the finale of a scenario? What a thought! [Joey] hIS SANITY IS NINETEEN, SO!!!!

[Joey] Okay. I have an idea. >:3 [Sammy] Oh NO. [Henry] Oh no. Have you got a Joey Plan™? [Joey] *cackling* [Sammy] *muttering under breath* We really should’ve just… waited for Henry…

[Joey] Joey is going to realise the ink is being siphoned from them for use in whatever this guy is trying to do, and he’s not pleased about that, [Sammy] Yeah, neither am I. So far we’re on the same page – [Joey] It’s HIS ink–! [Sammy] It, it’s not – okay. [Joey] So, remember when Joey was visited by the Masked Messenger, and they had the little battle over ink possession? Joey is going to take over the Ink in the circle -- [Sammy] OKAY! This SURE is a Joey Drew™ Plan, [Joey] -- and reclaim it for himself, and take over the magic! [Sammy] Well, the LAST time we had a circle dedicated to doing something with the Yellow King, and Joey switched it to be himself instead, that went SO well, why WOULDN’T you do the same thing again!! [Joey] Listen, he has 19 sanity, I don’t know what you’re expecting from him. *rolls* …….He has 18 sanity, I don’t know what you’re expecting from him!

[Henry] Henry is going to shove the blade of his axe against this guy’s throat and tell him if he does anything fishy, he’ll kill him. [Joey] (This includes turning into a fish.) [Joey] (No more tentacle monsters, no more fish monsters, none of that!)

[Henry] 32, which is a hard success. [Sammy] …What’s your intimidate skill?!? [GM] Oh, y’know, :) [Henry] 85. [Sammy] *nervous laughter???* [Jack] Normal amount. [Henry] Normal amount! [Sammy] YEAH, the same number as Sammy’s musical skill??? OKAY COOL!!!

[Sammy] Does Sammy look like his mascara is running? I just want to know.

[Joey] Can I… *quietly* ...grab Colette and toss her out of the circle? [Sammy] … YEET HER? [Joey] yEAH,,, [Henry] Can’t be more damage than falling over a fence. *everyone giggles except for Sammy* [Sammy] …Okay.

[Sammy] I can’t believe Joey is stealing Prophet’s nemesis. Rude. [GM] I mean, Joey DID stab Moonlight. They can share! [Joey] …I don’t know if they can share. They’ve been doing very bad at sharing.

[Jack] Also she’s not an ink creature, so, big win for you, Leon!

[Sammy] It grabbed me in the leg, right? [GM] Yeah! This is the cool leg scar. [GM] Not to be confused with the not-cool leg scar, [Jack] He’s just never going to live that down, huh. [Sammy] He COULD, if everyone would stop bringing it up! [GM] Sammy wakes up and hopes dearly that Prophet tripped over a fence so at least it’s both of them, but no…

[Joey] So – hold on, let me see if a thing existed back then. [GM] Oh boy…? [Joey] 18th century. Great! Okay, so I’m going to drain the rest of my magic points, to do a new toon action – you know those, circular saw blades? [GM] BUZZSAWS???

[Henry] Henry’s gonna do something suuuuuper risky,,, [Henry] He’s going to drop the axe and summon the scythe. [Sammy] ….OKAY, [Joey] Okay…! I’m very curious what’s going to happen if Henry uses the scythe on the mirror. [Henry] Oh, I wasn’t thinking that. [Sammy] UM, [GM] This is fine, this is great! [Sammy] Nervous chuckle, I’m in danger, [Henry] Henry is going to say “Sammy, duck!” and, swing the scythe [Sammy] OH, OKAY, I WILL DO THAT, [GM] Make a dodge roll! [Sammy] OhhhHHH THAT’S NOT GOOD… THAT’S NICE, BUT IT’S NOT GOOD,,,, My dodge is 55 and I rolled a 69, [Joey] Nice [GM] Nice! [Henry] And since it’s in close quarters, I’m guessing it’ll go through both of them. [GM] Yeah! Roll damage! [Sammy] CAN I,,,, PUSH THAT ROLL MAYBE,,, [GM] [GM] No. :) [Henry] *cackles*

[Jack] THAT’S trauma for future Sammy!!

[Jack] He’s gonna see if Sammy’s okay! See what’s going on. [Sammy] Sammy still looks pretty shaken up, and will tell him, “Stay back my sheep – I will join you soon.” [Henry] “I’m not going to hurt him!” [Sammy] jUST GIVES HENRY A LOOK,

[Sammy] So that’s seven damage! [GM] Okay! You see that the shadowy figure on the other side is ALSO trying to hit the mirror. [Sammy] Huh. Can I tell anything about the shadowy figure, now that I’m right up next to the mirror? [GM] Yeah! :) Uh, looks kinda familiar. It’s maybe somebody you’ve seen before. [Jack] yEAH I thought it might be,,, [Sammy] …wait, what? [GM] Maybe somebody… last scenario… [Jack] Who’s in Carcosa… and wants to break the mirror… [GM] Yeah, someone like that maybe! [Sammy] ………….. Is it… is it Moonlight…? [GM] Yeah! Yeah it is! ...Anyway, the mirror breaks. :)

*successful dexterity check to avoid getting knocked over* [GM] Okay, you keep your feet! [Sammy] Thanks, I like my feet.

[Joey] Joey is going to start scanning for his people, who LEFT HIM while he was being thrown around by tentacles, [Sammy] You were a great distraction, thank you. [Jack] You’ve gotta keep a better eye on your people, one of them just stabbed another! [Joey] EVERYONE ABANDONED ME! [Sammy] I TOLD YOU WHAT I WAS DOING! [Joey] Oh, yeah, no, Prophet gets a pass. Everyone else ran off, and – [Henry] YOU LEFT HENRY! [Joey] ….eh, ‘strue. [Joey] …Left Henry with others! [GM] Bendy’s still there! [Joey] Yeah. Bendy’s got me. [Sammy] Joey, any time he’s trying to leave by himself: “No, I’m never alone, I’m with Bendy!” Joey, as soon as we figure he’s fine, because he’s with Bendy: “HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME ALL ALONE?!” [Jack] Betrayed, Abandoned,

[Joey] And the water is coming in fast, [Henry] These people are going to have SUCH a mold problem when we’re done…

[Joey] Does Bendy have any magic points…? [Sammy] “I spent all of mine turning my arms into buzzsaws!” [Jack] As you do!

[Sammy] Poor Leon. I’m so sorry. You’re going to have to go straight into an asylum.

[GM] You’re pretty sure you’re not in Carcosa. [Jack] Okay, good. I needed to know if Jack would be panicking about things… [GM] He’s got plenty to panic about, but that one is currently good!

[GM] I wonder if Sammy… from Sammy’s point of view, Jack was driving when he lost consciousness, and then he’s still driving when he comes back! Like… he doesn’t even know they went to Coney Island, I don’t think? [Sammy] No, I guess not! Joey was just like “I know where they’re taking Colette” [Sammy] And now we’re going back to the Studio so it’s like, I guess we got Colette! And got wet, for some reason! [Jack] At least he didn’t end up seeing The Great Bertrum Piedmont. [Sammy] There are SO many things it’s good that he didn’t end up seeing.

[GM] Bendy is going to chime in that it was busy, but they went to an amusement park! [Joey] Joey’s going to correct him that they did NOT go to an amusement park. That was not what that is. [GM, as Bendy] “That’s what you said it was last time we went!” [Joey] “Was it like last time we went?!” [GM] He’ll think about that, go quiet for a minute, and then be like, “No, I guess not, huh!” [Joey] “EXACTLY.” [GM, as Bendy] “Yeah, he’s right, we didn’t!” [Sammy] Hm. Hmmmm. Sammy’s squinting at you both.

[Sammy] He might still cough up blood, just not embarrassingly so. Just, in a cool way!

[Henry] Henry will… “pull” is too strong of a word? But Henry will… physically encourage Joey to step back from the circle.

[Sammy] Ehhhhh, I don’t have a lot of hitpoints… [Joey] Who needs hitpoints? [Sammy] I do, I need them!!

[GM] *rolls* …hm. *mumbling to self* What do I do with that…? [Sammy] Troubling reaction! [GM] ….huh…. [Joey] Not getting less troubling!

[Henry] I don’t want to keep using the scythe spell, but it keeps presenting itself as the best option! [Joey] DO YOU HAVE, ANY OTHER OPTIONS,, FIRST???? [Henry] These things have a bajillion HP! [Sammy] I mean, you COULD do the scythe thing, but maybe don’t hit anybody else with it! [Jack] I think you should hit Sammy with it again. [Sammy] NO I DON’T THINK YOU SHOULD

[Henry] Well, my strength is higher… oh no, it’s not, I’ve been doing too much mAGIC, [Sammy] That’s what happens when you do the scythe spell constantly!!! [Henry] Uggghhhhhhh... [Sammy] “Been doing too much scythe spell, better do some more scythe spell!”

[Joey] Do we have any bonus dice left? [Sammy] *sarcastically* Well! If we end up at the hotel, I DID scout it out ahead of time!

[GM] And Joey is feeling all the way better, except for all the ways that he is not!

[Henry] I just want to say, I did not expect Weird Henry to go on for FOUR SESSIONS. [Sammy] He went out with a bang, too, sliced a scythe RIGHT THROUGH THE PROPHET, [Henry] Yeah, everything has been working out so great!

[starry-snippets]

video games.

feeling angsty. also ignore anachronisms i'm just in my feels man (also i totally didn’t know if i should of done a picture of kak or joot, cause it is platonically x joot but like romantically x kakyoin but i picked kak)

synopsis: kakyoin vanishes for 50 days before you could tell him you love him and when you see jotaro return from spending 50 days with him your heart sinks, knowing something is wrong 

tw for implied death and possible spoilers! 

Your console has been untouched for the last week. There’s really no fun in playing you and Kakyoin’s favorite game while he’s away and seemingly unable to contact you. Instead of sitting in your bedroom together with one of your best friends you’re curled into your sheets, anxiety ripping away your sanity. He’s been gone for just about two months without a single call, letter, or text. You have no idea why he went other than to help Jotaro’s family with something. 

As you turn in your bed to get more comfortable, in the darkness of your room your phone chimes. The screen illuminates your whole room it feels like, not giving you any break from its brightness. You can see the message flash across and it’s from Jotaro. 

“I’m at the airport.” 

You immediately spring up, knowing if Jotaro is back it must mean that Kakyoin is too. Of course you’re happy that Jotaro is back as you’ve been his friend for several years as his neighbor – but you can’t deny you’re looking forward most to seeing Kakyoin. You can’t wait to tell him all about school and how your scores rival his, and how you’ve started a video game club at the school that you’re hoping he’s down to join. 

As you rush to the airport you’re greeted by Jotaro and his grandfather Joseph. Both have solemn expressions which are out of place for both of them. Joseph’s cocky grin is replaced with a straight line and eyebrows furrowed. Jotaro has his hat covering most of his face with an ominous shadow. You run to them in both relief and panic since Kakyoin isn’t among them. 

“Jotaro, where’s Kakyoin?” You ask despite fearing the stakes of this trip were higher than you could have imagined. But hearing Joseph’s breath hitch and his gaze turn from you two, you know Kakyoin didn’t make it home. 

Jotaro watches the color drain from your face and your arms fall slack at your sides, grief striking you worse than he’s ever seen. Tears gather in the corner of your eyes until they overflow, an avalanche being witnessed by the Joestars. Joseph and Jotaro watch as you fall apart before them. Unable to stop your quickened breathing at the magnitude of what they just expressed, you cover your mouth with your hand to try and not draw attention to you three in the airport. 

Joseph nudges Jotaro in the side, signaling for him to reassure you. Jotaro somewhat awkwardly raises his stiff arm to your shoulder. He waits a moment to observe what you do – really if his touch is unwelcomed – and when you stare up at him with that hopeless expression he feels himself snap too. 

All that he’s kept inside of him upon seeing Kakyoin lifeless back in Egypt is on the forefront of his mind. He cannot mask his sorrow in the relief that his mother is okay or in the victory of killing Dio. His heart is weighed down entirely by grief at losing his only other friend – the only other person he trusted like he does you. With his hat covering his eyes he begins to cry himself for the first time in likely years. You watch with wide eyes, especially when he pulls you into a hug, unbelieving they’re back and Kakyoin wasn’t so fortunate. Jotaro holds you tightly against him as he slightly cries while you weep in contrast. He hates that he couldn’t keep himself together but he knows you’ll reassure him it’s not weak to cry. Especially over your best friend’s death. 

“W-what ha-happened?” 

“I’ll tell you later,” Jotaro says with the slightest shake in his voice. “Let’s just…” He trails off in his head, unable to think straight with the sorrow rampaging his heart and mind. 

You give him a friendly squeeze while he holds you tightly in his arms, knowing what he’s asking for despite not voicing it entirely. 

“Of course Jojo.” 

[swifty-fox]

He kisses James again, tastes the whiskey and Pall Malls on his spit, and sucks it down like poison. They part for a moment, Gale to catch his breath and calm his spinning head, James to mouth down his neck, tugging Gale’s collar aside to mouth over his chest. Sucks at his skin like he wants to strip him bare, teeth scraping like he might devour him. Gale might not mind that, might not mind becoming a vessel for someone else to drain dry. Perhaps that's where he would find peace.

Take me, take me. Gums bloody and stomach sick with want. Turn me something quiet. 

“You’re so beautiful,” James repeats roughly, biting down on the arch of Gale's chest until he hisses. There’s something desperate and dark to James’ desire. A man taking one last sip of wine before the gallows. “What’d they do with a pretty boy like you in the army huh? Pass you around for the officers?”

Gale’s fingers twitch and then they’re wrapped around James’s neck in warning, glaring into those dark eyes silently. The other man smiles and leans into it, gaze heavy-lidded and feverish. 

“Don’t tell me you never thought about it. All those handsome young men in their fancy uniforms. Sweating and bleeding and all alone without the touch of a woman to soothe them. I sure did. Thought about getting on my knees for every one of them and showing them all that they’re missing.”

Gale’s heart is racing a rabbit’s beat in his chest, his breath sawing out of him like a great beast. He feels dizzy, arousal, and anger and some breed of delight at James’ depravity engaged in a sick dance around his brain.

“Give them a head job like they wouldn't believe.” James’ hand is rough on Gale’s cock, fist tight and skin dragging as he smears the wetness around with his thumb. 

Panting through clenched teeth, hand finding the sharpness of Jame’s hip, the swell of his ass. Grabbing and digging fingers deep until the other man growls and attacks his mouth with renewed vigor. They kiss the shine from each others teeth, press so hard that Gale’s lips feel bruised and tender. James's hands are hungry on his body, creeping like a spider over the surface at him. Tugging and plucking feverishly. A bruising grip on his pec, thumb brushing over his nipple, a restraining hand on the back of his neck bowing his body into the storm of the other man. 

“I’ll do it better than your wife ever will baby.” James slips to his knees in front of him, panting like a starving man in front of a feast, and bites a kiss into Gale’s hipbone until he yelps and shoves him off. 

He just grins up at Gale, mouth open and wet in a way that has Gale dipping his thumb between those slick lips, feeling the sucking heat and soft noises of pleasure vibrate against his skin. Sweat pools at the small of his back, his body burning like a livewire. He switches from his thumb to pointer and middle finger, exploring the back of James throat with an aroused sort of detachment.

Is this how John fucked? Dirty and brutal? Was he pressing his teeth into Eunices' skin now, pulling marks from her skin that no good girl would ever allow. Were his hands, big and bruising as they could be, clutching at eager thighs with a rabid need to burrow between them? Gale wonders if maybe he’s gentle; passionate even. Drawing pleasure from her body with liquid intensity, playing her pleasure like a piano. -KfaK WIP (40k)

so we're bumping up the rating, the final word count and also lowering my sanity at the same time.

Sorry y'all John and Gale still haven't kissed bc they're being stupid

[prof-peach]

I realise this could sound like I'm complaining about Fruit-Salad, so I want to ieterate that I'm not, but just asking if you're still taking questions/answers about Pokemon habits and the like?

I get a lot of them about species I dont focus on here, so I dont answer those often, and while I try to do a few now and then, its a job that takes so long and drains my energy levels highly. I try to keep up but the amount I get in vs the amount I can answer based on time is never enough.

I do answer the fruit salad ones more often because they bring me joy, as opposed to just being a job that I get stressed out over. One mainblog answer can take anywhere up to an hour to answer and is incredibly mentally draining, the salad junk however is a break, a chance to flex more creative and free muscles, have a little fun. After hours of working I like to indulge in them and try to have a mental break to get away from people pleasing hahaha

I will alwasy take questions but can't possible answer them all, its a huge job, one i'm not paid for and I have to spend my time drawing to try to pay bills. I do my best lol but theres only so many hours in the day.

I do not take this as a complain, so do not worry. Its a free blog with countless things to read and enjoy, I feel no guilt taking time for my own sanity.

[findmeinthefallair]

It makes me smile when one of your Owl House takes shows up on my dash. You have such a good eye for imagery, symbolism, and character parallels. I’m impressed by how fast you find the connections, and how many different types of parallels you’re able to draw. I suspect you recognize these patterns better than most neurotypicals. I wanted you to know that I appreciate auDHD-you and the talents you share with your online community.

I think those of us who are neurodiverse too often get backhanded compliments for our talents, passions, empathy, and achievements. At best, accomplishments get framed as being impressive for happening “despite” our diagnosis (or suspected diagnosis), when really, they were possible because of everything we are, including our different ways of thinking. It’s as if society is out to rob us of our joy, because in many practical ways, it does. Traits that would be seen as talents in neurotypicals become pathologies for those with ADHD and/or autism. Our pride in our work and creative pursuits is revoked by society as part of a symptom to be treated, an aberration to suppress. And our very real struggles in a world with little-to-no regard for our comfort are too often framed as our problems, not society’s failure to provide viable options.

No one questions providing glasses to the visually impaired to make the world easier to navigate. It doesn’t even occur to most people that glasses are a tool, a form of accommodation, because enough people need them at some point in their lives that society sees value in the investment. It’s rare to hear a complaint at a meeting when someone requests the presenter zoom-in to make the text easier to read, or when a student needs to sit closer to the chalkboard/ whiteboard. Yet a fidget item at work/ school, or a request to listen to our words over our (often misread/ misunderstood) facial expressions is somehow too much. We’re the ones who are weird, and asked to change ourselves in exhausting and often impossible ways to fit into a society that is all too happy to discount us. It’s unfair.

It's unfair that minorities (of any kind) are burdened with making all the concessions in a societal ‘compromise.’ It’s unfair that the examples of success, life fulfillment, and happiness rarely or never include people like us. It’s unfair that the pathways presented to us are strewn with obstacles designed to sabotage certain people, but not others. And it’s outright depressing when a combination of factors seem to be stacked against you (religion, family, culture, gender, health, you name it). It can be easy to forget that joy exists at all.

But there are joys to be had in this existence. What joy looks like for a neurodiverse person might be different than the advertisements say. How we get there is often different than our neurotypical peers. I don’t have all the answers, and the coping strategies that worked for me may or may not work for you. I started enjoying my life more when I measured it against the things I wanted, rather than other people’s measures of success. This was a thoughtful and deliberate exercise, and required a bit of trial and error to figure out what popular pursuits I didn’t enjoy and what unpopular pursuits were exactly right for me.

For me that meant staying in more often than going out (crowds drain me). It meant picking movies, books, and video games based on subjects that appealed to me, even if they weren’t always high-rated (Shadow Hearts has a sanity meter and a main character that turns into a monster – and I would’ve missed out on so much fun if I let its mediocre game review dissuade me!) It meant cutting down on tasks that other people wouldn’t see as an issue, but got to me (I hate making lunches when I’m burned out after work, so I pre-make a week’s worth of lunch every Sunday instead). It also meant reevaluating my work and education goals (I didn’t get into med school. I’m not working on prestigious research. But that’s okay! I like the problem-solving that comes with making research tools. I get to impact lots of different areas of health research and have way more job security.) I had to ditch the narrative that I should achieve more, socialize more, and be someone else’s ideal. I also had to hold onto my self-worth and make an escape-plan to get away from an abusive boss (multiple times, unfortunately).

All the challenges of being different in a neurotypical-preferencing world didn’t go away, but they got easier to handle once I stopped trying to do things the neurotypical way to neurotypical standards. And on the really bad days, knowing there’s still joy to discover helps me through it. Sometimes the joy is as small as sitting outside watching the hummingbirds flit from flower to flower. Sometimes it’s hearing from a friend or coworker that I did something that made their day better.

You make the day better for me and so many people online. I hope you keep giving life a chance to get better, and that you find your own path to experiencing more joy.

So true 🥺🥺

Thank you for taking time to share all this with me 💙❤️💜

[mossy-rainfrog]

I posted 97 times in 2022

81 posts created (84%)

16 posts reblogged (16%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@mossy-rainfrog

@coulson-is-an-avenger

@thesunwillshineclearer

@a-moop

@nerdangels

I tagged 97 of my posts in 2022

#mossy art - 67 posts

#described - 62 posts

#accessible art - 34 posts

#mossy ocs - 28 posts

#original character - 26 posts

#the magnus archives - 25 posts

#fan art - 25 posts

#original characters - 24 posts

#tma - 21 posts

#inktober - 19 posts

Longest Tag: 133 characters

#i finally realized why this piece felt so weird to draw and it's bc he's outside the lab/shatterdome like sir what are you doing here

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

[Image ID: A digital drawing of Martin Blackwood reclining in a nice outfit. Martin is a fat Black non-op trans man with square glasses, a goatee, and coily black hair braided back along his scalp and fluffing out at the back behind a bandanna. He is wearing a black bralette underneath a long-sleeved sheer top, patterned with shooting stars, crescent moons, and clouds, and he is also wearing denim short shorts patterned with stars and planets overtop fishnets. For accessories, he has a star earring, and an ace ring. He is smiling smugly towards the viewer. End ID.]

i need everyone to be aware of this hot martin i drew right now immediately

324 notes - Posted February 12, 2022

#4

[ID: A digital drawing of Jon aiding Martin in recovering from top surgery. Jon is a thin Persian person with long curly greying hair, a short beard, and various scars, and Martin is a fat Black man with his hair in a bonnet, square glasses, a small goatee, and lots of body hair. Jon wears a spaghetti strap pink dress over a long-sleeved white shirt, and Martin is just wearing boxers. Martin’s chest is wrapped in bandages that are accompanied with drains, and he is sitting up slightly on a bed, accepting a glass of water from Jon. A blanket is draped over his feet, and behind him are various pillows, including one patterned with stylized cats, and one patterned with highland cow faces. Martin is smiling fondly at Jon and saying “Jon…” as Jon looks back at him with wide eyes, and infodumps about the top surgery recovery process to him. The background of the image is a light pink. The artist’s signature, mossy-rainfrog, is visible at the bottom of the piece. End ID.]

Here’s my gift for the @seasons-in-the-archives secret snowflake gift exchange!! For the lovely @qpenguin98 !!! You said you liked jonmartin hurt/comfort, and also trans stuff, so I thought a good ol top surgery recovery might be fun :D I really hope you like it uwu!!!!

357 notes - Posted January 15, 2022

#3

[ID: A digital drawing of Jon rescuing Martin from The Lonely in MAG 159. Jon is a thin Persian person with long, greying hair, various scars, and stubble, and he is wearing a loose blue sweater over a darker turtleneck. Martin is a fat Black man with short coily hair that is dissolving into fog, glasses, and stubble, and he is wearing a purple button down. The two are touching foreheads and their hands are interlocking fingers in the foreground. Jon is pulling Martin closer by the back of the neck and smiling tearily in relief. Around them swirls bits of fog with various dialogue between the pair of them. In the corner of the image is a picture of a frowning slug from Star Wars, captioned “live slug reaction” in all caps. End ID.]

genuinely cannot believe the first MAG 159 art I’m posting is for this fuckign meme but in my defense college has me on my last legs of sanity so :)

slug-less version under the cut for my partner specifically bc i Know they hate this (affectionate) 🥰🥰

See the full post

379 notes - Posted March 4, 2022

#2

See the full post

434 notes - Posted February 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

See the full post

472 notes - Posted January 29, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[grief-worn]

😋 to give my muse their favorite snack.

Snacking is not a habit she often indulges in. It is typically the product of leisure, or hands unburdened, or time unspent. A moment’s rest did not present itself willingly in the care of her Mother’s cloister, and even if it did, rations were tight, and food consumed outside of mealtimes had to be stolen or scavenged. Some days she felt more like a scrounging rat than a holy worshiper. Was devotion meant to feel so despondent?

Assuredly, it did at least harden her resolve. Sanded her to bedrock, immune to idle cravings or minor pangs of hunger. A day or two without food will not break her, even if it might turn her mood acrid. That infamously toxic brew of hunger and anger. Perhaps they’ll coin a term for that some day.

No, she didn’t ever have time to snack. Not until now.

On active days, she is kept on her toes. Bouncing between fight and flight, juggling a laundry list of goals and objectives and metaphorical (also literal) headaches. It kept a wandering mind from circling the drain, and abated her tendency towards deep sulking. However, other days called for a tighter crew. Fewer bodies. Less noise. And, naturally, you might draw the short straw, and be forced to hang back at camp with nothing but excruciating listlessness and a boring wizard. Alright, that’s a little unfair. He’s not boring … just quiet. Like herself. Though, the consensus tends to claim she is also boring, so maybe they just share a common shortcoming.

Their reserves are already dwindling. They pocket what they can; cheese, bread, sausage links, moldy veggies … it's still not enough to keep bellies full. So, in the absence of plentiful goods, she’s taken to gnawing at the nearest thing she has to food. But she’s running out of fingernails, too.

Her teeth have whittled her claws to nubs, an anxious tick she’s been unsuccessful in curbing since adolescence. The stimulation aids in the procession of turmoil, and despite bleeding cuticles, she’ll prioritize shreds of sanity over perfect manicures. It’s not enough, though. Not for this. Not for all they stand up against.

She’s desperate, aching to chew on something substantial. Maybe a strip of birch bark? Or a twig snapped off a branching plant? It’s almost bad enough to get her foraging. Her legs itch, brimming with fire. Shadowheart starts to push herself upright, moving knees out from underneath her, but something halts her.

Caleb. He’s standing there, in front of her. How long has he … ?

“Yes?” she clips, clearly unwilling to humor idle conversation. Another low-ball insult begins to pass her lips, but she stills when she notices what’s in his hands. A nestled cloth of wool, unfurled to reveal something pebbled and flaxen just inside. Is he offering this to her?

Shadowheart cranes her neck, peering in. A sniff, and then she’s lighting up stars in her eyes. Little cubes of candied ginger, speckled with sugar and preserved inside a clean rag. Seems to come from his own personal collection, or maybe he just nicked it from somewhere when no one was looking. Either way, a treasured treat, and not something Shadowheart deserved to take part in.

“I’m not sure if I — you really don’t need to …” Ah, but just the aroma had her mouth watering. “Alright, just a few.” The cleric plucks out three pieces, cradling them in her palm as if handling gold. “Haven’t tasted anything like this in years.” Not that she’d remember the last time she did. Yet deep down, she knows she loves the flavor. Her body hasn’t forgotten.

“This is generous, Caleb. Thank you. I’ll be sure to savor them.” In private, ideally. But savored they will be.

Maybe the wizard is a little boring. But maybe she doesn’t mind that so much anymore. She can certainly respect a man with good taste.

[straycatnori]

Reality slaps hard

Man, It's been 3 years and 5 months since my last post on December 20, 2020. In that time, I've faced unimaginable hardships, lost many friends, and grown distant from my family. Our household was already crumbling before my mom's stroke. She let her colleagues freeload in our ancestral home, claiming it was for ministry to help people. Meanwhile, bills piled up, and we struggled to make ends meet.

The stress of this situation took a toll on everyone. My mom's stroke was the breaking point, forcing all those freeloaders out of our home. Among them was my best friend, someone I have a love-hate relationship with. We bonded over our shared interests in art, musicals, and games, but her dependence on me was draining. She often took my help for granted, returning to those who hurt her and then crying to me.

This cycle continued for over a year. Eventually, I had to cut her off to preserve my own sanity. It was a painful decision, but necessary. Reflecting on these years, I realize how much I've endured and how much I've grown. The struggles have been immense, but they've also taught me the importance of self-care and setting boundaries.

At first, I was determined to cut her off because I had enough; however, I can't help but remember our bondings and how we talked about our favorite singers and actors on Broadway shows. Our art jams were the best, drawing together and sharing our creativity.

There is so much to unpack, but for context, I'll start with the basics.

I quit art.

For over a year now, if you check my previous posts, you’ll see my work wasn’t bad. I was aiming to become an artist, hoping to convince some studio to hire me. But life doesn't always go as planned.

I’ve been working full-time for over a year and a half now, and it has killed my art. The constant exposure to customers, offices, businesses, money, and bills drains all my time and energy. On my rest days, all I want to do is sleep.

I've looked into other options, trying to find a way forward. My partner has always been supportive and loyal, but I don't want to rely too much on him since he has his own problems to deal with. I can't smoke, so I resort to stress eating most of the time. I play games, but even they lose their appeal after a while.

I find it hard to have a meaningful conversation with anyone who would listen, so I'm turning to writing. These are random entries from a struggling artist turned office worker, now stuck in a 9-5 grind. I'm not sure if anyone out there can relate, but I believe I'm not the only one experiencing this.

Writing is my way of coping and making sense of it all. If you're reading this and feeling the same way, know that you're not alone.

[mcuntainbcrn]

whirlwiinded​:

“Is that so? Well, I must say, your words are touching. Such devotion can be such a fickle thing. When reciprocated, it can make you all the more stronger. Yet, when it’s one sided, that power turns to weakness.” Venti hummed thoughtfully, taking a step closer himself.

He didn’t think of Margaret as someone who could be taken down easily, but if her views on him were still of a friend, that was something he could easily use against her. If she wasn’t so smart, he would prefer to bring her onto his side, but alas, the more she questioned him, the more that no longer seemed like an option.

With Margaret’s second question, Venti rested his hands on his hips, shaking his head in disapproval. “It’s not so much the seven that I seek approval of, but the people of Mondstadt. So much sacrificed. So much power used. Yet most tales have been lost to time, or credit given to those less deserving. It brought me to wondering if I should change how I rule over my nation.”

Venti lifted his hand, offering it out to Margaret. A devious smile crossing his lips. “Now, I have a question for you. Would you care to remain a dear friend, or would you prefer to side with the traitors of Mondstadt?”

He’d closed the gap - perfect; what she had in mind would undoubtedly hurt, be excruciating for her, but there was at least a minute chance that could restore some of his sanity.

She eyed the offered hand, her hesitation obvious as her own moved seemingly on instinct to take hold of the extremity, flinching back, pausing, appearing to mull the question over, “You know my thoughts on humans as a whole, Venti...I would have hoped you haven’t lost sight of at least that much.”

..it would all come down to how long she could hold on for - and given how stubborn she happened to be, she had no intention of loosing her hold on him before she was certain she’d managed to drain every last drop of that poisonous miasma from his system.

Finally, contact was made, scarred fingers winding around his, delicately at first before becoming an immovable vice, a hard yank drawing him against her and into her arms as she embraced him far too tight, the earth beneath them beginning to tremble, lightly at first before becoming a dull roar as the roots of the great tree exploded through the surface of the soil to form a tightly coiled sphere around them.

It didn’t end there - the giant lobes of a plant never before seen on Teyvat engulfed the root ball, closing about it as it was pulled beneath the ground, smoothing over after descension as though the whole affair had never happened; the process had already begun as she began to consciously siphon that toxic, vile energy from the anemo archon and into herself, wrapping her legs around him as well to keep him all the more pinned together.

“...I will always choose you...the person who befriended me...the person who saved me...so even if it kills me in the process, I’m going to save you now Venti.”

[krimsonmay]

guardian angel

[stutterfly]

Swipe Right 04 | Patch Notes | JJK (M)

Rating: M (Explicit 18+)

Pairings: Jungkook x Reader, brot7 x friendship

Genre: E2L, fluff, angst, humor, [eventual] smut, PersonalTrainer!Jungkook, fuckboy!Jungkook, Nerd!Jungkook, Nerd/IT!Reader

Word Count: 15.1K

Last time on SR03: You joined a gym to increase your confidence and things progressed the way you want with your tinder match. You ended up in an unlikely competition with your friends when you went new bar together, leading to some unexpected conversations and shenanigans.

CW & Other Tags: Drinking, anxiety/panic attack mentions, muscle tearing injury mention, fuckboy Jungkook, pining, flirting, pick-up lines, sexual tension, Joonie is still Y/N’s best boi, soft Jungkook

Series: Activate your SIMCard

Fic: Swipe Right (4/?- Ongoing)

Do not repost.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

When’s the last time you felt as good as you do right now? Jungkook has pretty much stopped bothering you since that night at Seesaw, your date with Jason went well, and you’ve been sticking to your early morning workouts. You definitely don’t push yourself as much as trainer Hwasa, and you know you should really take advantage of the free trial, but it was overwhelming to take in so much at once and the session made you sore all over for days.

At least your stamina seems to be improving and you’ve discovered post-workout endorphins are real. Tonight is your second date with Jason, a date you’ve uncharacteristically elected to host at your apartment. You can place some blame on those endorphins for your boldness, with pining and disappointment composing the rest of it.

While your first date ended without a kiss, there was enough flirting to keep you hopeful. Neither of you were brave enough to do anything about it then, but you’ve mentally coached yourself into pretending like you have an unbreakable spine with nerves of steel. Meeting him only solidified your attraction, and you’ve resolved to take the lead, even though you feel like you have no idea what you’re doing.

It’s not like you often make the first move, but your confidence in him to do so has waned. You’ve been talking and playing games together online for months without any physical touch. Despite how he’s said he likes you and wants to see you again, you’d still be waiting if you didn’t suggest today.

You’re determined to show him what he’s missing by being a recluse. That’s why you’ve picked out the sluttiest clothes and the strappiest heels you own, decorated your face with expensive makeup, and even styled your hair instead of just letting it do whatever it wants for the day. You check yourself out in the full-length mirror on your bedroom door for the millionth time and pull down on the hem of your dress like it will somehow magically grow longer.

You don’t need the heels; no part of the night calls for them. You’re going to be sitting on the couch with him. If you’re lucky you’ll even move it to the bedroom you spent so much time cleaning. But they’re cute and they make you feel sexy, so you’re going to keep them on until he’s peeling you out of your dress.

Nerves bubble in your stomach, but you have to pretend like they’re not there or you’ll fixate on how hard you’re trying to be confident and cool. You’ll fall apart when it’s obvious to Jason how hard you’re pretending to be everything you aren’t. Checking your phone doesn’t help; it’s almost time.

Taking a deep breath, you pace through the confines of your apartment as you wait, and answer group texts from Jennie and Namjoon. You offer up a selfie, hoping any compliments will build your confidence enough to stave off the anxiety in your gut. A few devil emojis later, some keysmashing, and more than a couple hamfisted compliments from Namjoon, your ego is adequately inflated but you can always use more hyping. Maybe you should send it to Jimin to fish for more compliments? He’d indulge you for sure.

Instead you flop on the couch and open Tinder. According to Jennie, Jason is stringing you along; it’s been months, but you hate to admit that she has a point. So you don’t. She’s been telling you for a while now that she thinks you should pursue other suitors. While you object to her assumptions, she has more experience with this kind of stuff. It’s not exactly something you want to believe, not when you’ve put in so much effort for literal months.

You want to believe in Jason being awkward and dorky and that’s why it’s taken so long for the two of you to hook up. He’s shy and super introverted, but so are you. So why are you the only one trying to make things happen? You want to believe, but at this point you’re uncertain enough to heed Jennie’s advice and keep swiping any time you find yourself in a situation where you’re waiting on him. Like now.

You have your reservations about swiping while you wait for your date to begin, but you can practically hear Jennie cheering you on. He’s late anyway, and it will keep you busy until he arrives. You open the discovery tab and swipe left on a couple incomplete profiles. Most of the guys on here don’t put in any effort. How are you supposed to want to give any of them a chance when you don’t even get a tiny snapshot of who they are?

When you pass on yet another fish pic profile, a blue frame appears around the next guy in line. It takes a moment for your brain to register the name along with the duck-faced photo as someone familiar.

[Jungkook said: Your legs remind me of oreos 🥴 wanna know why?]

How fucking dare he? You match with the intent to ream him out and leave.

You: I told you not to fucking find me on here

It takes only a few seconds before you see the dots move on his end, like he was waiting for the moment you would answer, and it keeps you tethered to the conversation.

Jungkook: Princess!! I couldn’t help myself how are you

Jungkook: Surprised you didn’t block me

You: Don’t worry I’m gonna

Jungkook: it’s bc you wanna know huh

You: ???

Jungkook: Your legs

Jungkook: Like oreos

Jungkook: I wanna split them n lick the cream from the center 😜

Electricity rumbles in your gut, carrying heat and a surge of excitement to your cunt that threatens to flood your panties. You swallow hard and squeeze your thighs together as you stare at the screen. Embarrassed by the response his antics elicit, you scramble to formulate a coherent thought.

You: I wish I could unread 🤢

Jungkook: Aw but that’s one of my favorites

Jungkook: Just like you 😘

You: 🙄

You: I hate you so much

Jungkook: So much that you matched with me?

You stare at the message like a clever response will come to you and when it doesn’t you bite your lip. He’s got a point. Haven’t you learned your lesson not to encourage him? Your eyes scan the top of your phone for any notifications from Jason. Nothing. At least this is keeping you distracted. That’s what you tell yourself.

Jungkook: You’re still here which means 👀

You: It means I’m tired

Jungkook: Of?

You pause for a moment. Namjoon and Jennie can’t know how anxious you are about Jason. It’s the guy’s last strike with them and he hasn’t even met them yet. Jungkook, an impartial third party, might be able to lend an ear. As much as you don’t care what he thinks, you need an outlet for the anxiety in your chest. You start to draft a word-vomit. Jason has been so hesitant to see you in person again and now he’s late. Maybe if you just put it out there to someone you’ll feel better.

Jungkook: If you need to sleep how about a massage?

Jungkook: I’m good with my fingers 🥴

Stupid. In what universe could you confide in Jungkook? Deleting your word-vomit before you can send it, you start to type something else, but your thumb accidentally taps enter at the exact wrong moment.

You: You know what? I want you

FUCK. Goddamn you, sausage fingers.

You scramble to rewrite the sentence but Jungkook is quicker. He has to know it was an accident, but you’re still fucking mortified.

Jungkook: 😈

Jungkook: My place

Jungkook: Ten minutes

You: *to stay off my profile

Jungkook: 👉👌?

You: YOU KNOW I DIDN’T MEAN THAT

You: 🤢🤢🤢

Jungkook: 😩

Jungkook: Now you’re just playing games with me princess

Jungkook: Can’t say I mind just fuck me up 🥴

You: Don’t you have a princess to fuck in another castle? Maybe she can stroke your tiny ego

Jungkook: Ouch felt that from here

He goes quiet and you close the conversation out. Setting the phone down on the cushion beside you lasts all of two seconds. When your phone buzzes twice, you know better than to answer, yet you feel compelled to look.

Jungkook: Hey quick question

Jungkook: Is this the most you’ve used the app to talk with someone you like? 👻

Just like that you unmatch with him and take a moment to seethe. Distraction or no, he’s not worth the mental energy. He always seems to draw you in like a pretty little thirst trap and drain you of your sanity. Not engaging is the safest option so why do you always end up doing so? Maybe it’s that shitty little part of you that gets excited any time he shows you attention.

There’s a gullible girl within you; she sets your pulse on fire when he feigns even the slightest interest, fills your head with wind when he brushes against you, and floods your eyes with tears when he walks away. Still, she wants him to look at you, even if it means he’s really looking through you. You hate her. Why can’t she learn that you deserve better?

You check the time again and wince. Jason is really late now. Not even a text. Or a phone call. Maybe it’s traffic?

Try to relax. Nothing bad is going to happen. You’re going to have fun tonight.

You start up a game to take your mind off the options available to explain his absence. When you’re invested in a game you often lose track of time, but tonight you’re hyper-aware of every minute that passes. You bite at your freshly painted nails during loading screens, chipping the red from their edges. Sounding casual is difficult when you’re worried, but you attempt it anyway via text. It’s ten more agonizing minutes of waiting before your phone buzzes with an answer.

The controller drops to your lap and immediately tears begin to sprinkle your thighs with the manifestation of your heartache.

He forgot.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

An earthy scent fills Namjoon’s apartment as he carefully transfers the last of his plants to a bigger pot, filling in the edges of its roots with fresh soil and patting the edges down with care. His plants have needed this, maybe even more than he needs the mini hangout that will soon follow. The kitchen table is covered in dirt, but at least he’s almost done.

It’s not his fault Jungkook showed up earlier than expected. At least he’s quiet now. It’s been a while, but he’s finally stopped asking about how much longer it will take, so he must either be invested in the show he put on or asleep on the couch.

“Almost done,” Namjoon loudly announces. “Can you text Tae?”

“Kay.” Jungkook yawns as he stands and heads towards the bathroom. “Jin was already cooking when I left so it should be ready soon.”

“Good. I’m hungry,” Namjoon says, carefully transporting the plant to the desk in his bedroom.

As he’s on his way to clean up the mess on the table there’s a soft rapid knock at the front door. The moment he opens it and finds you standing before him, he knows something is wrong. Even the ratty hoodie covering your shoulders can’t hide the effort you’ve obviously put into your appearance tonight. While your makeup seems to have fared rather well, your eyes are red and your cheeks are puffy. His mind automatically assumes the worst about your second date and his jaw tightens.

“What happened? Did he hurt you?”

“He never showed.” You throw your arms around him and openly sob.

“Oh, Y/N…” His arms are around you in an instant, hugging you close while keeping his dirty fingers at bay.

You press your cheek against his chest, letting the tears fall freely. “I’m sorry. I know you probably have plans tonight, but I wanted to stop here—” You choke out a loud sob and wipe your nose with your sleeve as you look down at the floor. “I didn’t want to drive upset but you weren’t answering and I just—”

“Shit. Exam today. I left it on silent.” He pats his pocket to make sure it’s still there, wiping as much dirt as he can on his jeans before placing his hands on your shoulders. “Hey, it’s okay. Deep breaths.”

Jungkook emerges from the bathroom quietly with a furrowed brow and pursed lips. Did he hear your voice or is it his imagination? Unsure if you’re some wishful remnant of earlier texts, he peeks around the corner.

Heels: black, strappy heels with a velvety smooth red undersole. Has he ever seen you in heels? If he has, it’s never been something as flashy as these. His gaze travels up the smooth, exposed skin of your legs until it hits the hem of a skirt. The dark fabric seems a little short; it clings to your thighs, riding up as you embrace his friend. It’s hard not to notice how well it accents the curve of your hips and more importantly: your ass. He’s definitely never seen you in something so revealing, not even on nights where you’ve joined them for dancing.

He pauses for a fraction of a second, eyes trained on the swell of your ass before moving up to find the disappointing sight of your favorite hoodie barring much else from view. Namjoon’s arms outline your shape, but the places his hands rest are far too respectable to glean much else other than simple blueprints.

With his dick leading his steps, Jungkook opens his mouth to announce his presence with a joke. He means to selfishly steal a glimpse of your entire ensemble with some snarky comment but you choke out a sob and his stomach lurches to form a whirlpool of apprehension. His mouth remains open, but his words are swallowed back into the dark swirling pit that now wrenches his gut in circles.

Namjoon looks up just in time to read the confusion and shock on his features. He shakes his head and cups yours against his chest, wordlessly signaling Jungkook to keep quiet.

“Is there anything I can do? Do you wanna talk about it?” Namjoon asks, hoping you don’t see the man behind you slowly backing away like he’s just approached a rabid animal.

You’re sobbing. Why are you sobbing? What happened? Was it what he said before you unmatched? Jungkook tiptoes back into the kitchen without a word. He leans against the counter and shoves his hands in his coat pockets, trying to piece everything together. Did he cause this?

You screw your eyes shut to try to keep the tears inside. It’s no use. They always seem to find a way out. “He didn’t show up and when I texted him, he… he said he forgot."

“What?"

“I thought it would be good after the arcade date, you know? Like, good chemistry. He’s weird. I like him! He seemed interested and we made these plans and he just—” you choke out another loud sob. “God. Am I really so fucking forgettable?”

You wanted your friends to be wrong so badly that you ignored the fact that it’s been like pulling teeth trying to get Jason to meet up again. For him to forget completely is like a kick to the face that leaves all the teeth intact, maybe a little bloody, but stubbornly intact.

“Y/N, no. It’s not your fault. You deserve better than this fucking guy.”

Jungkook swallows hard. This definitely doesn’t feel like a conversation he should be hearing, but it’s loud enough to carry through the entire apartment. Kitchen, bedroom, or bathroom: his options are limited, but he knows there’s nowhere to go to pretend like he can’t hear it. It’s not like he can just walk out the front door now.

“Do I? It’s seems like a fucking pattern, Joon. I fall for people so easily and they always make me feel like an idiot for trying. Donghyun. Seojun. Jason. Jungkook… It doesn’t matter. No one fucking wants me.”

Jungkook tenses. He may not know all the names on your list, but his is among them all the same. Has he really hurt you so much?

“Hey… Don’t think like that,” Namjoon says, his voice soft as he rubs your back. “You know your worth, and it’s not measured by how well someone else can see it.”

Every time you think you’re done crying, fresh tears begin to roll down your cheeks. “I’m tired, Joonie.”

“I know. I’m sorry. We'll get you home."

As you step back to look at him your ankle rolls, and you begin to fall. Hearing the scuffle, Jungkook winces and peeks around the corner. Namjoon has a good enough grip to stop you from fully tumbling to the floor, but you’re definitely not stable by any means.

Although you now face Jungkook, you’re too distracted by your ankle to notice the extra pair of eyes on you. He allows himself to stupidly linger within your line of sight, raking his gaze across your form to take in the details of your attire, right down to your choice of earrings. Even with a red nose and puffy, smudged eyes, the time you’ve spent on your appearance remains evident.

You did all that for some guy who didn’t even show? If that’s how you dress for your dates then his innocent perception of you is completely wrong. What kind of moron would pass up the opportunity to peel you out of that dress and dive into your cunt? You look incredible. What the fuck.

"God. Shit. Fuck! Fucking stupid heels!” You huff out your exasperation and let a small pitiful laugh pass your lips as you right your stance with Namjoon’s help. “You know, I spent hours getting ready and now I just look stupid. I feel stupid.”

“You don’t. You’re not,” Namjoon insists, his palm squeezing your shoulder.

“Namjoon, I shaved my entire body. Do you know how long that took?”

Jungkook forces himself to withdraw into the kitchen. If you see him now you might murder him. He purses his lips into a thin line and tightens his grip around his arms. In an instant he imagines hiking your dress above your hips and parting your legs so he might brush his cheek against the smooth expanse of your thigh all the way to your core. Are your panties as slutty as your dress? Are they cute? Lacy? Plain?

“Geeksquad…” Namjoon sighs loudly. “I really don’t need to know— Hold up. Wasn’t this the second date?”

“Are you slutshaming me?” The tired laugh that follows sounds more like you, but it still hurts his heart. “I’m stepping up my game.”

“Nah. You do you,” he says, a soft smile on his lips that’s obviously full of pity. “You want to stay and get some food? I think I have some sweats you can change into.”

Tires screech in Jungkook’s mind. Is he going to be trapped here for the night? Without dinner? What kind of karmic torture is the universe putting him through?

“No, I’m sorry,” you sniffle, wiping your face with the sleeves of your sweater. “Jennie wants me to come over but I—I didn’t think I could make it with having a full meltdown. You were on the way.”

“No need to apologize.” He pulls you into another tight hug. “Do you want me to walk you back to your car?”

“No, no it’s fine. I’m right in front. Thanks, Joonie.” Your phone begins to buzz in your hoodie pocket. You pull back and wave it at him, already on your way to the door. “It’s like she knew. I’ll talk to her on the way. Thank you for listening to me cry for the millionth time.”

“Always. Text me when you get there, okay?”

“Will do, mom,” you tease with a soft laugh.

“Zip up your hoodie.”

You grimace at him with narrowed eyes but heed his advice on your way out. You also pull your skirt down as far down your thighs as it will reach. Men are gross and you trust virtually none of them.

Jungkook waits until he hears the click of the lock on the door to breathe a loud sigh of relief. Namjoon rubs the back of his neck and stares at the door. He worries about you.

“Yikes. That Jason guy is a dick huh?”

Namjoon swivels on his heels and rounds on his friend. “Like you were so much better to her?”

Jungkook casts his gaze to the floor. “I didn’t stand her up.”

Even he knows that argument is flimsy.

“Guk.”

“It was always just a joke.”

“It’s not though. She really liked you, man. I asked you not to mess with her.”

Memories have warped Jungkook into a jaded man: untrusting although not uncaring. Guilt is the only thing churning in his stomach as he thinks of you. He never expected to genuinely hurt you. Somehow things twisted into a gnarled mess that never really felt like more than a playful game of tug-of-war. But these kinds of games only work when the people involved know that they’re playing. It’s shitty when one pulls another into the mud when they’ve never agreed to participate.

Faced with the reality of how you consider him now, it dawns on him that he’s dragged you into the mud face-first without even the slightest resistance. You’ve stood up and you’ve even yanked the rope in retaliation, but you never should’ve been in the mud in the first place. Regardless of his own emotional ineptitude, he knows you never deserved that humiliation. No one does. The weight of his actions sits heavy in his gut.

Still he tries to justify himself. “All I do now is make pass after pass and she’s the one who turns me down.”

“You said it earlier yourself,” Namjoon sneers, irritated by his friend’s immaturity. “It’s always a joke. You’re never serious and she knows it. Look, you don’t have to like her back. She’s my friend and so are you. Just don’t lead her on and stop with the mind games. Be honest with her. The least you can do is apologize for being a dick.”

“That’s— I feel like… I don’t know how.”

Jungkook can’t bring himself to tell him of your conversation earlier tonight. It just adds to the guilt piling on his conscience. Namjoon used his own words against him and the worst part is it makes sense. It’s so much easier when it’s a stranger at a bar or a random encounter at a club, but you’re neither of those things. He lumped you into that category all the same.

Namjoon clicks his tongue and puts an arm around Jungkook’s back. “Starting with ‘I’m sorry’ can go a long way. She’s a good person and I know you guys can get along. Things were going well until you made that bet, right?”

Jungkook opens his mouth to speak and then closes it. “Mmm.”

“Not every girl is a Jiseo, Jungkook.”

“Yeah.”

“I think…” Namjoon sighs and shakes his head. “I don’t know. Can you try to just... tone it down? Maybe try to patch things up?”

“Okay.” Jungkook’s brow furrows and he chews his lip as he mulls over Namjoon’s words. He reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out his keys. “You ready?”

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

Your head dips forward as your fingers glide across the keys. It's hard to concentrate on your task when you're this distracted by your own thoughts. You stare at the monitor with furrowed brows. Namjoon grabs the back of your chair and leans forward to tower over you.

"Went that well, huh? Did he blow the second chance he didn’t deserve?"

The motion jerks you backwards and you grip the armrests of the chair to steady yourself. Despite your best attempt to curb the irritation in your expression, your frustration remains apparent. You sit back and tilt your head up to look at him, trying to think of something to say, some excuse to not reinforce the "told you so" waiting in your future, not after you showed up at his apartment sounding like a dying whale a few days before. When no ideas come to your immediate aid, you click your tongue and let out a heavy sigh as you turn your attention back to the screen.

"Geeksquad," he presses. "Talk to me."

You exhale through your nose and briefly purse your lips before obliging his plea. The words are quick and quiet so you don't run the risk of bawling your eyes out again. "He canceled.”

Namjoon steps back and the pressure on your seat is gone. He places a large palm on your shoulder. "I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

Despite wanting to give the opposite answer, you shake your head. You don't trust yourself to speak, but you'd like to tell him. He's clever and you know he'll likely find a way to get it out of you with minimal effort anyway. Still, you don’t think you can manage the words without crying like a baby and you don’t want to do that when the morning has only just begun. Silence falls between the two of you as he gives you time to decide if you want to open up.

After a moment of tapping away you finally give in. You know you’ll feel better after you cry.

"He said he had to stay behind and help do clean-up for the party he was at. And that’s nice and all, but we had plans. I feel crazy. I should be glad that he’s so kind, right? Like that shows he’s a good person, right?” Your voice has cracked but it hasn’t quite broken.

He sighs and flops in the chair on the other side of his desk. “Y/N… I think you’re asking me for answers you already know.”

“But tell me anyway,” you press, tears welling in your eyes. “Our first date went so well. So why-y-” Your voice breaks.

“Hey.” He reaches across the desk and brushes his fingers against your arm. “I know you want me to help you make excuses for him... But you deserve someone who values your time. Clearly he’s just looking to waste it.”

“But—”

“Y/N, you don’t need someone like that. If this is what he’s like before you’re even together, then what kind of effort is he really going to put into a potential relationship? Not enough. There are so many people out there, people that would trip over themselves just to have the chance to be with you. I know you don’t want to hear it, but I think it’s a mistake that you even gave him another shot. He blew it. Twice. Delete his number. Forget him.”

“I know,” you croak. Tears fall from your eyes and you quickly swipe them away, focusing on the task at hand.

Namjoon is right and you know it, but you’re kind of irritated about it. You know it’s not really him you’re mad at, but Namjoon is a good enough placeholder while you try to sort through your hurt feelings.

You muster your most monotone voice as you stand. “I updated your drivers and deleted any cached files that might have been causing issues. Is that all?”

“Don’t be mad at me,” he pleads, rising to block your path as you step towards the door. “You have a big heart and I hate seeing it stepped on.”

In a matter of seconds you melt into his embrace and bury your face into his shirt. “I hate how fast I like people.”

“I know.” He pets the back of your head softly and squishes you against his chest. “It’s gonna be okay. How about udon later? My treat?”

“With beef?” you ask with a sniffle.

“With beef,” he agrees.

“Gyoza?”

“Mhm.”

“And takoyaki?”

“...You’re pushing it.”

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

You slide the appetizer tray across the table towards Namjoon. “Here.”

He shovels a dumping into his mouth right before he speaks. “I could eat this every day for the rest of my life.”

“Could you afford it though?” you tease, taking a sip from the bottle of saké and crinkling your nose at it before passing it to him.

“Not if you’re joining me,” he snorts. “You’re supposed to pour it.”

“No, thanks.” You push the tiny glass full of liquid back towards him.

"Wow. Are you guys on a date?"

You know the source of the voice before you even crane your neck to see Jungkook.

"Pfft." Namjoon waves the question off with a deep laugh.

Despite finding the scenario of ever dating Namjoon absolutely absurd, you can’t help but feel a little insulted by the volume of his laughter. Namjoon’s hangout night was supposed to take your mind off of how unwanted Jason made you feel. Instead, the pit of insecurity within your stomach grows into a thick, tangled brush of hostility. Is being seen with you really so laughable?

“Why would we be?” you snap, turning your attention back to your bowl.

Heat settles in your face and you purse your lips, not daring to look at either of them. You try to wrangle some noodles to shovel in your mouth before you can say something stupid. Their eyes are on you. Jungkook is definitely confused but not alarmed by your hostility. It’s something he’s grown accustomed to. But Namjoon knows when he hurts your feelings, every time, and it’s easy enough to disarm your irritability.

“She’s way too good for a mess like me,” Namjoon says with a light laugh.

“Why are you here?” you ask, tone already softer than before.

"Post-work snackie," he answers, all too cheery for your sour mood. “Came for the noods. Mind if I join?”

He looks to the rosy-cheeked Namjoon for his answer, as you set your hoodie and purse down in the space beside you to give him yours. Namjoon betrays you by scooting over to make room on his side of the booth. You’d mentioned to him before that you’d eventually like to fix things with Jungkook, to somehow make steps for peace. But you only have so much mental energy left to give today.

“Not tonight, Jungkook,” you plead with a sigh.

The frustration in that puff of breath is enough to make Jungkook hesitate. He blinks a few times, wide-eyed. “What?”

“I just… can’t handle your bullshit tonight.”

Jungkook tries to break the uncomfortable tension with a grin. “No bullshit tonight. Promise.”

“No.” Your answer is firm and somehow so fragile that it makes both men worry their brows in the same fashion. “Please, just go away.”

He shoves his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket and takes a few steps back. He doesn’t know what to make of your demeanor, but he can put enough together to know the basics. You’re upset, maybe not at him for once. However unlikely, that’d be a blessing. Maybe you’re still upset about that guy that stood you up a few days ago. If that’s the case, he probably shouldn’t stick around and risk letting on how much he knows about that.

He tongues the side of his cheek and nods, forcing a smile to his face. “Alright. I’ll just order it to go. Planned on that anyway. Catch you later.”

Guilt wracks your nerves as he walks away. The moment you look back at Namjoon, you’re faced with a wall of disappointment that threatens to topple the scale of decision-making in Jungkook’s favor.

“You’re judging me for that,” you mumble. The noodles between your chopsticks slip back into the broth.

“Little bit,” Namjoon admits, watching his friend sulk over to the entrance waitstaff. “You know he told me he’s trying to be nicer to you.”

“What? When?”

“The other day. We hung out.”

He keeps his answers short and ambiguous, hoping your curiosity has been piqued. Maybe this is the golden opportunity he’s been hoping for to patch your friendship.

“Was this before or after he harassed me on Tinder?”

Namjoon’s heart sinks into his butt. Of course Jungkook would make reconciliation harder than it needs to be. “When did he do that?”

“That night I showed up at your apartment like a big crybaby.”

“I went over his place for dinner after you left. Jin wanted to try a new recipe out on us.” That seems to at least make you pause.

“You guys talked about me?”

“Yup.” He goes back to chewing his food, knowing he’s got you hooked.

Your incredulous stare does nothing to pull information past his lips. “Joonie. What did you say about me? What did he say?”

“Mmm?” He slurps up a long noodle. “A lot of things. But they’re not really my words to tell.”

“No one likes clickbait, Joon.”

“Look, all I’m saying is that he told me that he wants to fix things. If you want specifics, maybe we can invite him to come eat with us. It might be easier for the both of you to talk about it over good food.”

You sigh, seriously considering his words even as you shake your head. “Joon, I’m already emotionally compromised. I really don’t want to cry in front of Jungkook tonight.”

“Why would you cry? This is a night for good things only. Namjoon-approved and protected. You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to... I just thought it might be nice to make some good memories with good friends.”

You roll your eyes but hold your pinky out for him. “Fine. But this is Joonie-Y/N time. You’re cutting into that allotted time slot, you know that right?”

Namjoon rests his elbow on the table, preparing to pinky swear to whatever you’re about to suggest. “Conditions?”

“He sits next to you, he doesn’t make fun of me if I cry, and…. he doesn’t get to talk.”

“Y/N.”

“Fiiiiine. He can talk. But he better be as nice as you say he’s trying to be.”

“We allowed to talk about Jason?”

“If it comes up…” you sigh. “You know, if he’s mean to me and I cry then you have to deal with it.”

He clasps his long pinky around yours. “Deal. But with how all that just went down, you gotta go tell him to come back. He won’t believe me if I do it.”

“Don’t let him be mean to me,” you plead, tightening your grip on his pinky and locking eyes with him. “Good vibes only.”

“He won’t be mean. Good vibes only.” Namjoon nods with a soft smile. “He really is a good person where it counts, Y/N.”

You push your things aside and force yourself to find Jungkook. He’s leaning against a wall near the entrance, scrolling through his phone while he waits for his order. You quietly request to your waitress that you’d like his food brought to your table. She’s nice enough about it, but your stomach churns regardless. It’s the anxiety.

You gingerly poke a finger against his shoulder as you approach. “Um. Hey.”

He seems startled at first, but smiles when he realizes it’s you. “Hmm?”

You take a deep quiet inhale, trying your best not to get lost in the butterflies his charming smile conjures in your gut. You try to tell yourself it’s anxiety and nothing more. Apologies are hard and scary. That’s all.

“I’m… sorry for being rude. I’ve had a rough week but I shouldn’t take it out on you. Come eat with us, please. Namjoon’s buying anyway.”

His eyes seem to light up with surprise and a warm smile deepens the creases around his eyes and mouth. The hope that these feelings of attraction would evaporate with time is a flame swiftly snuffed out and replaced with a burning heartache that deems denial useless. Even now, pangs of infatuation lurk below your feelings of disdain, breaking the tension of its surface with each beat of your heart.

“It’s okay,” he reassures you. “I shouldn’t have invited myself when I saw you guys. I should really get home and shower anyway.”

He looks so clean that you’d assumed he’d already showered. It’s not like you can smell him from where you stand. Maybe he’s lying, but at least you get the sense it’s coming from a place of politeness.

“Jungkook, I want you to come eat with us. Besides Namjoon wants someone to drink saké with him and I cannot keep doing it.”

“I see.” He offers a small laugh and rubs the back of his neck. “Are you sure? You seemed pretty against it before. What changed?”

“Namjoon told me you’re trying to be less of an asshole to me.”

“Did he?” he licks his lips and tries to hide his pleased smile. “I’m surprised you believe him.”

“He also promised me I could punch you in the dick if you make me cry,” you lie, completely stone-faced.

If he knows that’s a falsified statement, he doesn’t say anything. He looks past your shoulder to quirk a brow at Namjoon, who appears to be furiously texting at the table. Jungkook’s phone buzzes a few times against his palm and he’s fairly sure he already knows who it is.

“Come on. I already asked them to bring your food to the table.”

He reads Namjoon’s messages as he trails behind you.

NAMJOON: If you seriously want to apologize stick around, make her laugh, just listen when you need to

JUNGKOOK: Don’t worry

JUNGKOOK: I got u

Before Namjoon can send a text saying that Jungkook's response has the opposite effect, you’re peeking across the table, trying to get a glance at the screen.

“Who’s that?” you wonder. Namjoon’s not usually one to be so secretive with his texts.

“Hmm?” he raises his eyebrows at you and pours you a shot. “Stupid. Don’t worry about it.”

“Ha. Haha. Ha.” You gesture at your face. “You say to the girl with anxiety.”

Crinkling your nose at the glass he offers, you slide it across to Jungkook as he settles in next to Namjoon. “Here. I’m done drinking that stuff tonight.”

He regards it with a quirked brow. Something about your demeanor really has changed, but looking between you and Namjoon does nothing to answer the question of what that may be.

“Okay, so on reddit this guy was reaching. He’s going on about the symbolism in the red scarf—”

Your eyes gloss over the moment he mentions reddit. Is there anything you care less about than Joon’s favorite modern literary discussion threads?

“Got it. Not worrying about it,” you interrupt, bringing your bowl to your lips to slurp some of the broth.

Jungkook hides his smirk by throwing his head back to drink his shot. Namjoon is a genius. It might be scary if he ever decided to use his intellect for nefarious purposes. Lucky for the universe he uses it to protect others, like a real superhero would.

As the three of you dine together, you’re surprised to find that Jungkook isn’t being as annoying as he usually is. In fact, it seems the more he drinks outside of any competitive setting, the more affable he becomes. Maybe there’s something to Namjoon’s clickbaity words. He’s almost the person you remember meeting before the Halloween Party, maybe even more pleasant.

You’re grateful when the two of them start telling embarrassing stories so you can listen and laugh at the way they slur their words and interrupt each other. Laughter makes your heart feel light and full, and brave enough to take the last step to prove to yourself you’re done chasing Jason. As the two men fight over the last piece of gyoza and distract themselves over dessert, you quietly decide to clear your text messages from Jason. Your finger hovers over the delete icon for a second before purging his contact information from your device entirely.

It’s freeing to not have to worry about what you should send him. It’s frustrating to have tried so hard for so long and have nothing to show for it, but at least there will be no conversation history to pick apart anymore. It should feel perfect. That will definitely show him, right? You don’t have to reflect for more than a couple seconds to reinforce the memory of how little he actually reached out on his own.

He still has your number. The only time he ever called was on your first date. He never texted you unless you spoke first. He probably won’t even notice you’re gone. He’s probably relieved he won’t have to answer you anymore. He probably thinks you’re desperate for trying for so long. You don’t realize how well you wear your anxiety.

When you look up Jungkook is watching you while he chews with his mouth wide open. “Hey, why do-” He hiccups and swallows. “Why do you look so sad? You should have some ice cream.”

He scans the table for something to offer you, but he can’t seem to find what he’s looking for in his drunken stupor. After a few seconds his eyes finally land on his own plate where the other half of his red-bean cake sits.

“Do you want my taiyaki?” He holds the tail end of the fish-shaped cake out to you. “It’s really good!”

You can’t help but laugh at the unexpected sweet absurdity of the night. “Jungkook, I don’t want your half-eaten cake.”

He frowns and looks at the pastry. “Is it because I bit it? I’ll break off that part for you if you don’t want your mouth to touch that.”

Although Jungkook definitely is more drunk than Namjoon right now, the older man can’t help but be amazed by how well this is going. He loads up on green tea ice cream and digs his spoon in it. He shouldn’t have been so worried. Jungkook can put away the act when he wants to, especially once alcohol is involved and there’s nothing to prove. You guys are actually getting along. What a relief.

“No, really it’s okay.” You laugh.

Jungkook is already breaking the pastry apart in his hand, watching as it crumbles to pieces on his plate. He blinks a couple times and closes his mouth in a frown.

“I thought that would work.” He sounds utterly defeated.

The waitress walks over just in time to watch Namjoon stick a heaping spoonful of wasabi in his mouth. You're too busy laughing at Jungkook's forlorn expression to notice the way Namjoon's eyes water. His eyes drop to the ice cream he thought he shoveled into his mouth. Right next to the pristine, untouched scoop of green tea ice cream, he finds his spoon resting in the hunk of wasabi adjacent to it. He should really pay attention more. He pushes against Jungkook's side and motions that he needs to get up. The younger man spares a glance his way but Namjoon waves him off while mumbling something about the bathroom.

The waitress tries to keep her composure and looks between the pair of you. "How is everything?"

"Great! Could you please bring us some water?" you ask in your sweetest voice, realizing the two men with you should at least try to start sobering up.

You expected to have Namjoon crashing on your couch on a Friday night, or at least be dropping him off down the hall at Hobi’s place. Jungkook was not part of the plan, but you can’t exactly let him drive home inebriated. You know he’s not your responsibility but you’d feel guilty making him call for a ride home when you’re perfectly capable.

Although you hate to admit it, you’ve had fun tonight. If you’re being honest with yourself you’d like to see what he’s like without Namjoon nearby to police his moves. He’s been nice enough, but you want to know for sure this isn’t an act. You want to ask him if he’s made another bet, or playing some game since he hasn’t hit on you all night. Before you can get your line of questions in order, Jungkook turns to the server with large, pleading eyes.

"Oh! Can you bring some more dessert, please?"

He may be a grown ass man capable of charming the pants off of women everywhere, but right now he is little more than a child begging for seconds. Regardless of everything he's done, your heart softens, endeared and embarrassed by his drunken request to your server.

The waitress nods. "Sure, what would you like?"

His eyes fall to you for an answer. "What do you like?"

You blink at him. "Me? I thought this was for you."

He nods. "Mm. We can split it."

"Um, how about... tempura?"

"Banana?"

Jungkook’s voice is full of anticipation and his upturned eyebrows seem to bargain for agreement. It’s so hard to believe this is the same man who has been so cold to you for so long when he seems so open and warm now. You remind yourself it’s probably the alcohol. It’s probably some secret promise to Namjoon. Some bet with Hobi. Some game he’s playing. It’s probably anything other than what your dumb crush-stupefied heart wants it to be.

The waitress looks to you for approval and you give a nod. "Sure. Banana tempura."

The waitress awkwardly smiles as she gathers the empty platters and gives you a chance to break away from his endearingly drunken face. He smiles across the table at you and wrings his hands while you pick up your phone to check on those nonexistent messages. Maybe if you distract yourself enough you can ignore the feelings that are catching up to you tonight.

“Thank you for inviting me back over,” he says, reaching to the nearly empty bottle of saké to pour himself another shot. “I’ve... been wanting to talk to you."

"I’m surprised you didn’t blow up my phone.” It’s supposed to be a joke, but there’s a harshness in your tone that exposes a venomous bite beneath it.

He downs the shot and plants his elbows on the table, leaning forward on them. "I wanted to say it to your face."

“Oh, really?”

You don’t allow yourself to entertain the idea that he’s about to say anything groundbreaking, but you look away from your phone to meet those dark, twinkling eyes. Suddenly there’s hope in your gut. You’re desperate to put some distance between the feelings jumping to the surface.

“I’ve been a dick.”

“No shit.”

Though the fog of alcohol consumes his apology, his eyes focus on you with clarity. “I’m sorry.”

How long have you waited to hear those words? You never really thought about what you might say in response. His apology sits in the air between you for a moment before he speaks again.

“I’m really sorry. Namjoon is right. I am trying to be less of an asshole to you. We don’t…” he catches himself, “I don’t have a lot of close friends who are women.”

“You don’t say.”

That seems to cut through the fog. He hangs his head and focuses his gaze on the table.

“I never wanted to hurt your feelings.”

“Well, you did,” you mumble.

“I know... I’m sorry.” It’s like now that he’s said it once, he can’t stop saying it. He’s not sure how to make you understand. Maybe you do understand and you just won’t forgive him. Can he really blame you for that?

“Why?” you question; it’s the last barrier protecting your heart, the only thing keeping you from caving. “Why do you care now?”

Jungkook’s head lolls to one side as he sits back against his seat and stares at the nearly empty bottle of saké. “I don’t know. I guess I was thinking… I wish I had a save to reload. Before I messed up.”

It seems that’s the best you’re going to get out of him right now. The waitress sets down a beautiful platter of banana tempura meticulously arranged around a simple mound of ice cream, topped with a single cherry and drizzled with decorative chocolate. She places three waters on the table and you both take a moment to politely force smiles and pause your conversation.

He licks his lips and stares down at the plate and then back up at you. “Can we start over?”

“Depends. Are you gonna go back to being a dick when you’re not drunk anymore?”

“No, no. I mean it. I wanna try to be friends.”

“For real?” You swipe the cherry, pop it in your mouth and tilt your head to regard him. You can’t let yourself fully believe him. You want to. The earnestness in his drunken features charms you, but you hold onto a shred of disbelief as a crutch. You’ll wait for the moment he reverts. Hopefully this time you’ll be prepared for the whiplash that comes along with it.

“For real.”

You reflect on his apology as the pair of you dig into the dessert. “Maybe. Prove it.”

He perks up. He’ll take a maybe. Maybe means the damage he’s done might not be irreparable. The guilt weighing on his conscience feels lighter. It’s a start.

“I will. I’ll find some way to make it up to you.”

You roll your eyes, unwilling to put stock in his words. “Is this another bet with Hobi? About how quickly you can make me forgive you?”

Jungkook shakes his head furiously, wisps of wild black hair whipping his cheeks. “No, I mean it. I promise.”

You drag your lip through your teeth as you teeter on the line of acceptance. “What is a promise from a liar worth?”

He drops the flat of his palm to the table and he pouts. “Hey. I mean it…. Hm. If I break my promise…” His eyes scan the table for anything he can use to change your mind. He looks at his arm pressed against the table and then back at you. “You can choose my next tattoo.”

Your eyebrows rise into your hairline. “Really.”

He eagerly nods. “I’ll get whatever you want wherever you want. Just. Not my face.”

“I want that in writing,” you snort.

Jungkook glances around the table and pulls a napkin from under the plate of tempura. “Do you have a pen?”

“Jungkook, you don’t have to—”

“I’m serious.” He’s not taking no for an answer.

You shake your head and rummage through your purse to supply him with a pen. He smooths out the napkin he’s chosen to use as a conduit for his promise. When he’s finished writing he slides it towards you.

Princess

I’m sorry. I can make it right.

I promise. Please give me another chance.

If I blow it you can choose what & where my next tattoo goes.

As long as it’s not my face. Let’s be friends? #promise.com ♡ Jungkook

Of course he signed it with a heart. Despite his inebriation, his handwriting is still neat. Well, that’s one hell of a promise.

“Okay.” You fold the note and drop it into your purse. “We can try.”

His face lights up as he stuffs a piece of tempura into his mouth, happily chomping with his mouth wide open. He reaches for the saké but you slide a water in front of him instead.

“Friends don’t let friends get totally shitfaced at Hajime.”

He frowns at you but seems to accept your answer with a pout.

“Speaking of which… Where is Namjoon?” You crane your neck to look around the restaurant.

“Friday noodle nights common for you guys?” Jungkook asks, digging into the dessert between massive gulps of water.

“No, not really. We’re usually watching movies at my place or hanging with Hobi. But Namjoon wanted to take me out because I was sad,” you say, finally catching sight of your friend on the other side of the bar.

Jungkook’s chewing slows and he regards you with furrowed brows. “Sad?”

Before you can decide how you want to answer, Namjoon is scooting into the booth next to Jungkook and reaching for a piece of tempura. “Mmmm. What did I miss?”

“Y/N was telling me why she’s sad.”

Namjoon nods like he understands exactly what you’ve been talking about. “He’s a dick, right? Like how do you even stand someone up, not once, but twice? Makes no sense.”

“Joonie—”

“And I know what you’re gonna say, but I disagree. It has nothing to do with you or how you look, Y/N. You don’t need to workout like a maniac to try to change anything. Especially not for someone like Jason. I can’t even imagine—”

“Joon.” You click your tongue and slide a glass of water in front of him. “Please, shut the fuck up.”

As you glare at him, he looks at you with raised brows and wide eyes. Unsure what to do now that he’s obviously fubared the conversation, he casts his guilty gaze to his cup and brings it to his lips.

Jungkook stares at you with furrowed brows, trying to wait to let you fill in the blanks even though he’s itching to ask about everything. He picks another piece of tempura and stuffs it into his mouth, but when you remain silent the impulse to pry takes over. “Jason?”

“He stood me up…” you start, but you close your mouth when you realize you’re going to try to defend him. Your throat feels full, like you can’t get enough air through with a giant knot in it like this. You have to whisper so your voice doesn’t crack. “Twice.”

The couple drinking at the table nearby becomes a much more interesting place to rest your eyes than the two men across from you. Tightening your jaw doesn’t prevent the gloss from coating your eyes. Thinking about it makes you feel so stupid and desperate. Bending over backwards a thousand different ways to accommodate him couldn’t convince him to put in even a minimal amount of effort one time.

Jungkook’s eyebrows shoot up in genuine surprise. “Twice?”

The hurt you feel in your chest scorches your cheeks until anger is filling your head like a teakettle ready to release an unhealthy amount of steam right in Jungkook’s face.

“That’s what I get for giving people second chances,” you snap as you focus back on him.

Joon says your name like it’s a warning but you don’t need it. You feel guilty enough for projecting your anger onto Jungkook with a petty one-liner.

“Sorry. It’s not your fault. I just…” Your throat closes around the rest of the words.

Before an uncomfortable silence can settle over the table, Namjoon inches the bottle of saké with his fingertips until it’s in front of him. “Dating is tricky. Jason sucks. It sucks that he hurt you. But you don’t have to twist yourself into whatever you think he wants anymore. And that…” He pours the pitiful remainder of alcohol into a shot glass and slides it towards you.“...is worth celebrating.”

Jungkook silently nods his head in agreement. It’s obvious you’re on the verge of tears and he doesn’t want to be the thing that pushes you over the edge.

A soft smile curls the corners of your mouth. “That’s true, but…” you slide the glass back towards him and steal the last of the banana tempura. “I can celebrate back at my apartment. Finish your water so you’ll be awake enough to join me. Both of you.”

Jungkook perks up and happily reaches for his water while Namjoon gives you a proud, yet confused look. It seems like a new start to something. What that is remains to be seen.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

Jungkook watches intently as the colors of the city shine through the windows. He runs his fingers over the soft blanket you keep in the backseat, mouthing the words to the song softly playing from your dashboard. Namjoon has been talking nonstop from the passenger seat, which is fine with Jungkook since he’s feeling a little tired. The last session of the day was a bit more intense than intended, but the client left happy and covered in sweat. A success. But Jungkook is sore and exhausted. Physically and socially.

A sense of relief floods him at the memory of his conversation with you. Things may actually be okay from here. Who would have thought crashing your noodle night with Namjoon could have yielded such results?

His head bobs to the music as his eyes wander across the scenery outside until he grows bored and they drift to the interior of your car. A graduation tassel swings from your rearview mirror as you turn. He follows the movement of the tassel when it swings towards you and his eyes land on your face, or at least what he can see of it from this angle.

You look focused and calm while conversing with Namjoon but your posture is a bit rigid and your hands remain planted on the steering wheel in complete control. There’s something about this candid snapshot of your persona that puts him at ease. Your voice is a soft contrast to Namjoon’s, but equally enthusiastic.

He tilts his head as he leans back in his seat, pulling the blanket over his lap and twisting the fabric around his palm. Your eyes flicker in the rearview mirror, catching his. He gives a tiny wave and rests his head against the cushion, fighting the temptation to close his eyelids for longer than a second. The more he listens to you laugh, the more he finds himself smiling. It’s goofy.

It’s also kind of cute.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

Jungkook is surprised when Yoongi answers your knock; he thought he would be asleep. He’s even more surprised when you make yourself at home on his couch and guilt him with a puppy dog pout to make you a drink, and he complies. When Jungkook asks the same, Yoongi tells him there’s beer in the fridge while measuring out the ingredients for your cocktail. The suspicious sour ache of jealousy stabs his gut as he moseys to the fridge but he quickly shakes it off, settling on the floor in front of the tv with a beer in hand.

After a couple hours of drinking, laughing, and playing Jackbox games with the three men, you’re feeling much better about everything. Life is good. Friends are good. Alcohol is very good.

It doesn’t take much to get you drunk. You’re about as much of a lightweight as Hobi and for better or worse everyone has come to know that fact. What’s nice about drinking in Yoongi’s apartment is that you don’t have to walk very far to get home. Things don’t get awkward with the three of them together; it’s actually kind of nice, like a mini Saturday night pregame.

Soon Namjoon and Yoongi are snoring on the couch with a movie playing in the background while you stand in the kitchen with Jungkook. He pours another drink for himself, though he knows it will mostly likely remain unfinished. Tomorrow may bring a massive hangover, but tonight has been surprisingly pleasant. He feels like he’s finally on okay footing with you, maybe even on the road to serious repair. Amazing how well you get along when inhibitions are replaced by inebriation. If that’s what it takes, he’s determined to keep it up.

As he turns his back to place the liquor bottle in the cabinet by the fridge, you swipe a sip of the drink he’s concocted. He spins around in time to see you wrinkle your nose and stick your tongue out.

“Hey, that’s mine!” he pouts.

“Blegh. You can have it. Yuck!” Your face screws up again at the aftertaste.

He drunkenly giggles as he slides the drink closer to him. “What, don’t like sour?”

“Too sour!” You reach for the water bottle Yoongi gave you hours ago and attempt to rinse the puckering sensation from your mouth.

Amused, he tilts his head and watches you take gulp after gulp. He purses his lips and holds back the comment itching to escape, deciding to enjoy a sip of his drink instead. You shimmy out of your hoodie and tie it around your waist and his eyes lazily follow the motion of your arms, noting a slight difference in their musculature. Some errant thought about their shape leads him back to an earlier unaddressed comment that he’s finally comfortable enough to prod you about.

“What kind of workouts are you doing?” he blurts.

Suddenly you feel very exposed. You straighten in your seat and suck in your gut, hyper aware of every imperfection of your body on display to someone so in shape. You immediately begin to fidget with the sleeves of the hoodie you just tied around your waist.

“You don’t have to tell me. I just—” he pauses, exhaling a small breath and looking down at his drink as though he’s wary of continuing the thought.

“No, no it’s fine,” you assure him, too curious to say otherwise. “What is it?”

“When Namjoon said…” he sighs and takes a sip, smacking his lips and licking them before looking back to you. “I thought maybe I can prove myself to you by helping you come up with a plan.”

“You don’t have to do that.” You plant an elbow on the counter and lean on it.

“I want to,” he insists, reaching out for your arm.

His hand is like fire engulfing your skin and your eyelids flutter at the sensation. Instinctively you place a hand over his and rub your thumb anxiously over it. He looks down to where your thumb grazes his knuckles and then back up to your face with a surprised smile.

“Um… Everything,” you say, trying to sound as vague and nonchalant as possible so he doesn’t judge you for your lack of knowledge.

“Like, full body?”

“Uh...” You’ve managed to make a habit of going to his gym a few days a week while successfully avoiding him, but it seems that time is coming to an end. “I… machine.”

“Oh. Like at a gym? Did you join one?” He seems genuinely curious.

“Um, yeah.” Suddenly you pull your hand back when you realize the speed at which your thumb is moving.

“Which one?”

The more you say, the more suspicious you seem, but is saying less any better? Jungkook rests his elbow on the counter and simply looks at you but you don’t look back. A slow smile spreads his lips as the possibility dawns on him.

“Princess… Did you join Iron Kingdom?”

You puff your cheeks and force the air through the tiny opening of your mouth. You don’t offer any sort of confirmation and continue to avoid his gaze.

“And you didn’t tell me?” he playfully prods, drumming his fingers against your forearm.

“I… Yeah,” you admit, your voice small as you stare at the counter. “I didn’t want you to know.

“Why?”

“Because.”

“Because?”

“I don’t want to give you another thing to make fun of me for.”

“I’m not gonna make fun of you.” When you don’t respond he tugs on your arm. The motion is enough to angle you towards him. “Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.”

“What?” you grumble, staring at your lap even as you face him.

He takes your hands in his and drunkenly waves them around. “Heeeeeeeey. Look at me.”

He pouts until you reluctantly drag your eyes to meet his. “What?”

“Everyone starts somewhere,” he says softly. “Even me.”

The shift in his demeanor catches you off guard and you subconsciously lean forward as you relax. “Well I started with Hwasa, but I was too sore to ask for another session with her.”

He nods sympathetically, clapping his hand over yours. “You should try again.”

You shake your head. “I don’t know. I feel like…”

“Like?” he prods when you let the silence trail for a bit too long.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” you sigh. “I feel like I don’t belong there. I look so stupid reading the instructions on the machines. I don’t even think I’m doing it right.”

“What?” He makes a sound between a laugh and a grunt. “There’s nothing wrong with making sure you don’t hurt yourself. Nobody knows how to instantly do things. If they tell you they do, they’re lying.”

“Or they’re Namjoon,” you say with a roll of your eyes, glancing over at your snoring friend.

He smiles and clicks his tongue against his teeth in thought. “I didn’t know what I was doing when I started.”

“Really.”

You’re skeptical. It’s always seemed like he was born in a gym. Or maybe hatched. He’s kind of inhumanly gorgeous. Maybe he sprouted from a flower like a mythical god.

“For real. First time doing squats. I think it was gym class? Yeah, I was like twelve or thirteen. I was… not very athletic. Didn’t play sports or anything. Kind of shy. Didn’t really have a lot of friends either…”

The way he trails off makes your heart hurt. Puberty isn’t nice to most people. It’s hard to imagine a world where someone like Jungkook isn’t instantly popular and naturally fit. While you’re not exactly the same person you were at twelve, a lot of your interests and personality quirks have remained the same. You’re still painfully awkward at times. How did he manage to overcome something like that? Is it not ingrained in him like it is you?

“Just a big dork, you know?” He laughs. “I see this girl I had a crush on, Amber. She’s looking at me. I think I have to impress her. So I’m stacking up weight and I think I’m hot shit and go too fast. Know what happened?”

“Please don’t tell me you dropped it on your foot or something,” you plead, squeezing his palms at the way he’s building up the story. The secondhand embarrassment is too real.

“I hear a pop.”

“No!” you gasp, bringing your hands to your face as if you can stop the past from happening.

“And pain. So much pain. I don’t remember putting the weights down but I remember ending up on my back, staring up at the ceiling.”

“Oh no. Knees?”

“Worse.” He points down to his crotch. “Pulled a muscle in my groin. Had to sit the rest of the day with an ice pack on my junk. Was not fun. My point is: don’t give up. You learn more as you go. Give Hwasa another shot.”

His anecdote gives you pause but you’re desperate to cling to the comfort of your anxiety. “My free trial with her is almost up and I don’t think I’ll be able to afford to keep at it.”

“More excuses,” he teases, taking a sip of his drink. “At this point I should just—” His eyes widen, a lightbulb practically forming above his head as he puts his cup down. “I’ll be your personal trainer!”

“Uhh…”

“No, no. It’s perfect. We’re friends now.” He smiles, proud of himself for finding a way to prove himself to you. “I can teach you everything you need to know about working out. I can set up a plan for you and figure out the best way to help you achieve your goals. Oh, man we’re gonna have to figure out your goals. What do you—”

“Hold on. Hold on,” you interrupt with a nervous laugh. “You’re missing the part where I still can’t afford it.”

He rolls his eyes and grabs your glass, holding it under the sink to refill it. “Don’t worry about that. I’ll cover it.”

You’re stunned into silence as you observe the expanse of his back, searching the black fabric of his t-shirt for the definition of his muscles. He sets the cup in front of you, waiting for your agreement. When it doesn’t come, he second guesses himself. Did he overstep?

“I mean if you’re okay with that. Would-would you want to do that?”

The innocent drunken sparkle in his eyes makes your stomach do a flip. When you woke up this morning you hardly thought the day would include getting sloshed with Jungkook and having him offer to take you on as a fitness trainee. It’s like he’s opened himself up just enough for you to see the soft mess beneath. You like it. You like it a lot and you kind of hate yourself for it. While you don’t know if you can trust him past the evening, you find yourself hoping you can.

“You won’t make fun of me?” you ask timidly before bringing the cup of water to your lips.

“It’s my job not to make fun of you. We start where you’re at and go from there. And like I said, I’ll cover the fees for as long as you want. No pressure.” He smiles at you. “What do you think?”

“...Okay,” you murmur with a nod of your head. “If you’re serious, then I’m… I’m in!”

His lips part to expose his teeth as his grin spreads. “Yes!”

As he brings his hand up in a sign of victory, his knuckles knock against his glass. You reach for the cup with impaired reflexes, hands fumbling over the slippery surface in conjunction with his. The sour contents spill across the counter as the pair of you struggle to right the glass. While he’s quicker at getting the glass upright, your brain is faster at processing what to do next and you already have a paper towel in hand, wiping up the liquid as fast as possible.

Your eyes follow the spill to the edge of the counter where it’s flooded over the side. Acting on instinct rather than rational thought, you quickly press down where the liquid has begun to pool in his lap. As you fold the paper towel over, you rub frantically as if the action will keep the stain from setting into the fabric. He shifts in his seat and squeaks out a sound so small that you can’t actually tell whether it came from him or the chair.

It only dawns on you how inappropriate your actions are when you glance towards his face and find his wide eyes gazing back at you. His cheeks, already flushed from inebriation, seem twice as vivid and his mouth is parted slightly as though he means to speak, but he doesn’t. Maybe he doesn’t want to embarrass you, but it’s too late for that.

Your palm stills against his crotch as the shape beneath becomes clear in your mind. For a second you’re frozen, but your lips work quickly to mumble an apology. It feels like an eternity before you will your drunken fingers to release the paper towel. The clearing of Jungkook’s throat is followed by a tiny giggle, then a full on snort. A grin spreads across your lips and you soon follow him into a fit of laughter. You thank the universe for the small mercy of being drunk enough to push your embarrassment to the side for the time being.

“I wasn’t thinking!” you wheeze, tears in your eyes from laughing so hard. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’ll dry.” He laughs, dabbing his pants and shirt in the absence of your hand. As he stands he pulls the hem of his shirt away from his torso and looks down at it. “Really. It’s my fault I’m so…”

“Sticky?” You quirk an eyebrow at him, a blatant flirtatious action thinly disguised as a joke as you eye the blot of liquor staining the lower half of his shirt.

Both of his eyebrows raise and a mischievous smile curls the corner of his lips. “...Wet.”

You consider his answer with a pleased hum and turn back to the counter to polish off the last of your water. You’re friends now, right? It can’t be that easy. But it kind of is. So what’s wrong with a little harmless flirting between friends?

Drunk brain, who happens to be a notorious hoe, assures you it’s great. Rational brain might disagree, but she’s taking a well-deserved nap. You’ve at least had a good night. You’re not sure it matters at this point who is giving you the attention you crave. It feels good. So good, in fact, you’re sure you can indulge drunk brain a little more.

You’re drawn to the inky shapes swirling around Jungkook’s bicep as he wipes the counter down. Every time your eyes begin to focus on an object marking his skin with some kind of meaning, he moves and you lose it. It’s brush strokes, isn’t it? You’ve definitely seen a paintbrush and mountains and a knife surrounded by roses. A swathe of grey and purple connects to each one you’ve seen, but you know there are more.

Before you can blurt that you’re dying to know how many he has and how bad it hurt to get them, he turns toward the sink and begins to work his t-shirt up his torso. You watch in awe as the toned muscles of his back are exposed. The image of the bright phoenix does little to hide their definition.

Trying to will yourself to look away is of no use; he’s hot and you’re drunk enough to acknowledge that fact. Of course he peeks at you just as the shirt slips over his head to find you open-mouthed and dazed, ogling him as though there isn’t any shame in the world that could pull your gaze from him. He turns to the fridge to give you a moment to compose yourself, nabbing a water bottle from the shelf in the process. You’re clearly not ready for the way he quickly spins on the balls of his feet to face you.

Y/N.exe has stopped working.

Your fingers hang in the air suspiciously until you lazily drop them. But Jungkook dons a toothy grin and has the audacity to look shy. He mockingly shields his chest from you with the shirt clutched in his hands.

“Princess! Are you… checking me out?”

Somehow you don’t let the fire in your face turn your brain to ash.“Pfft, no.”

“What’re you doing, then?” he teases with a laugh as he sits, scooting his chair closer to yours.

“Counting,” you reply simply, brow furrowed in concentration. To drive the point home, you poke at his flesh everywhere you can make out an object drawn into its surface.

“How many?” he wonders, watching with cloudy, amused eyes.

“Mmm…” You trail your finger down his arm and back up, following the curve of the brushstroke around his shoulder. “Can’t tell if this counts as one.”

He shrugs and rests his head on his palm as he leans against the counter. “What do you think?”

You hesitate when he quickly quirks a brow.

“I think… A lot.”

“Definitely accurate,” he says with a grin.

Awkward laughter steers the pair of you towards your waters. The TV in the background provides enough noise to steal your focus; you’re grateful for the distraction from the attractive man beside you. Drunk brain is telling you to touch him again, to grab his hand, to feel the touch of someone just for the night, to ruin every good thing this night has started to rebuild between you. Anything to stave off the emptiness of your bed, the 2AM thoughts of failure, and the drunken desperation to find someone, anyone, who will fall in love with whatever image you happen to project on your dating profile.

Heart pounding wildly in your chest and blood rushing through your ears, your fingertips tap against the countertop as they inch closer to where his arm rests. Luckily your futile attempts at nonchalance go unnoticed. Jungkook anxiously turns his water bottle over in his hands, trying to gather words in his brain before freeing them from his mouth.

“So…” he begins.

You jump at the sudden sound and retract your hand while he’s not paying you any mind.

“I was thinking. About that guy…”

You wish you could at least pretend you don’t know who he’s talking about. You’ve vented plenty tonight, but still your heart sinks. Deleting Jason’s digital footprint from your life was simple and quick, but the feelings of rejection and disappointment that swirl in the back of your mind spill forward the longer his pause continues.

“I know this probably means nothing coming from me. But I just— I know you liked him, but you can do better.“

Your posture stiffens at his reassurance and you find yourself grateful he’s not looking at you. Do you deserve better?

“You deserve better,” he affirms, as if somehow aware of your internal struggle.

“Thanks,” you murmur with a distinct lack of enthusiasm as you stare down your glass.

It's cry hours, isn’t it?

Realizing you don’t believe him, he takes a deep breath and nudges you with his elbow. “Hey.”

“What.” You refuse to look up because you know you’re on the verge of an irrational stream of tears over some guy you hardly knew. It’s stupid and you know it. But the wet warmth coating your eyes tells you it’s coming regardless.

“I’m... sorry that you don’t feel like you do. Some people can’t get over the weight of their own shit. But that doesn’t mean it’s on you to pick it up for them. If they can’t even bother to carry themselves to meet you halfway, then they’re not worth the effort.”

It’s a perfect time for your heart to seize up and it takes the opportunity to do so. The advice he offers doesn’t stave off the tears, but it resonates deep within you. Namjoon said something similar. It makes you ache to hear it again from someone else. It just leads you back to the same questions you keep asking yourself. What’s so wrong with you that people don’t even want to try? Is it your personality? Physicality? Is it a lack of confidence? What is it?

‘I can’t even get a shitty guy to like me. Maybe I’m the one not worth the effort.’ You don’t dare say those words out loud. Pity isn’t something you’re looking for. A warm body to fill your bed maybe, but not pity.

“Sounds easy when you say it like that,” you murmur, trying in vain to will the tears not to fall. You’re quick to swipe at them and force a smile. “I guess I have trouble giving up on people. It’s not that I’m naive. I try to be realistic. But no matter how many times I get fucked over I just... hope for the best in people. I can’t help it.”

He pats your arm reassuringly. “That’s why you deserve better.”

If only it was as simple as hearing those words and magically being able to believe it. A big chunk of your confidence has crumbled away and there’s no clear path to restoration. As the warmth of his palm comes to rest against your arm, you place your hand over his and squeeze.

“I don’t know if I believe it,” you pause and thoughtfully add, “but thanks for saying it.”

His eyebrows raise in surprise and he offers a tiny, “You’re welcome.”

A shaky chuckle passes your lips. All of his features seem to soften the more you look at them. Maybe it’s the drunken gloss coating his big brown eyes or the way his lips slightly part as he looks back at you. The tightly coiled nerves in your belly urge you to unravel.

Although it's a subtle gesture, he licks his lips as he smiles and it practically seals your fate. If you don't leave now you're bound to do something you'll regret.

"It's late. I should sleep."

Or masturbate.

The speed at which you launch yourself from the seat is unpleasant. You're not sure what's worse: the dizzying vertigo or waves nausea sloshing in your gut. Jungkook's reflexes may be delayed but he's a steady mass of muscle the moment you reach out to steady yourself.

"Whoa. You okay?"

"Maybe," you mumble, finding yourself drawn to the heat radiating from his skin. Instead of walking away, slump down to rest your cheek against his shoulder and sling an arm around him. You might be drunker than you thought. "I don't know."

"Hmm. What do you need, princess?"

"Just wanna stop spinning."

His stance shifts to better accommodate the additional weight you press against him.

"How about you take over Yoongi's bed tonight," he suggests softly. "He's passed out anyway."

"No, I should go home." You peel your cheek from the warmth of his skin.

“You gonna make it there?”

“Yes,” you say indignantly. The world may be a bit wobbly right now, but you’re certain you can handle the short stroll down the hall.

"Okay.” He smiles, loosening his hold. As you step back your foot catches on the leg of the chair and it drags loudly against the floor.

Despite Jungkook’s attempt to keep you standing by grabbing at your arms, he loses his balance and he drops to his knees. The chair clatters to the floor before your ass does. Luckily his grip keeps your back and head far from impact, but you’re too cramped to be comfortable.

“Are you okay?” he asks. Those big, dark doe eyes of his are frozen in fear and a frown adorns his face. He looks so serious it’s ridiculous.

You can’t help but laugh, wiggling backwards to make space between his body and the heat steadily building between your legs. “I’m fine. Stop making that face.”

“Huh? What do you mean?” He sits back on his feet and tilts his head to the side in confusion.

He breaks into a fit of giggles when you dramatically mimic his expression. You roll back onto your elbows, making another ridiculous face to further mock him.

“No, no. It’s more like…” Jungkook takes the opportunity to lean over you, reaching with one hand to squeeze your cheeks to pucker your lips. You blow a disjointed raspberry at him before pulling his hand off to the side.

While the clamor of the fallen chair did nothing to rouse the men on the couch, the sound of Jungkook’s hearty laughter is loud enough to disturb the rhythmic snores of Namjoon.

Jungkook sits back on his heels and peeks over the countertop. He seems miles away, even as you sit up and scoot in to bring yourself closer. Laughter fades into a quiet hum as Namjoon’s snoring resumes.

You're lost in the abyss of his gaze as he turns his head to look back at you. All that remains in your brain at this point is a foggy desire to tug on the silky spirals of his ebony hair until he presses himself against you one more time.

Your hand settles for following the curves of his bicep instead, wondering how it might feel to be wrapped within his embrace. Some might say liquor makes you bold and stupid, and they're right. They should say it. But it also makes you feel invincible, like a goddamn glowing Mario star power-up.

"Princess?"

Enraptured, his eyes follow the motion of your hand as it slithers around his arm and squeezes. Unable to ignore the prompt, he answers with a flex against your palm. His ego swells when you shiver and noticeably hold your breath.

You know it's a mistake. You know it goes against all of your sober judgement, but you find yourself doing it anyway. It doesn't matter that you still harbor a grudge that holds your heart hostage. Drunk hoe vibes are taking the wheel. You’re tired, drunk as hell, and just want to feel wanted. And he's here.

Every fiber of your inebriated being is singing in unison: Why the fuck not?

Heartbeat pounding against your eardrums, you attempt to gauge his reaction as you lean towards him. It's hard to tell from beneath half-lidded eyes, but you think he's leaning towards you too. If he isn't you suppose you can always play it off like you're just a mess. It's not far from the truth. Focusing on the tiny freckle below his lip, you allow yourself to finally close your eyes and go for it.

But the universe isn’t here for your dumb boozy bitch mistakes.

The front door swings open with the sound of jingling keys dropping to the floor. It snaps you back to reality and you freeze, realizing there's no defense that will save you. Jungkook is quick to disengage, poking his head above the counter to acknowledge Hoseok’s presence with a wave. But his friend is completely enamored with the company he’s ushering towards his bedroom.

“Yeah, baby? How bad?” Hoseok whispers to the giggling girl wrapped around his arm.

He pins the stranger against the door to drag his tongue across her neck. Their bodies move rhythmically in a slow grind, a precursor for what’s likely to come. Jungkook purses his lips. How long until one of them notices him watching? It’s not until the girl moans Hoseok’s name softly that Jungkook spares a panicked look towards you.

Oh shit.

You gesture for him to get down before he draws their attention. The last thing you want to explain is why you’re on your knees in Hoseok’s kitchen with a very shirtless Jungkook standing close by. He obliges your silent request, squatting down beside you.

“Feel how hard you made me?” Hobi chuckles quietly.

The girl giggles, her voice growing closer. “You gonna fuck me right here or what?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Naughty girl. What if my roommate wakes up? Looks like he has a friend over too. You really want them to see what a dirty slut you are?”

You can hear her giggle as he directs her where to go, failing to keep his voice down so you hear every filthy thing he says after. Your hands fly to cover your mouth. Is your skin made of lava? You want to blame it on the close proximity to Jungkook, but the only thing you can imagine is Hoseok’s dick and the eager mystery woman about to be impaled by it. Can you scrub your brain of this memory? How are you supposed to look at him after this?

Jungkook watches your face carefully, trying his hardest not to laugh. Your eyes look so big he’s pretty sure they could roll out of your skull any second. Are you really so innocent? The way you cover your mouth says you are, but maybe it’s just the shock. Maybe you’re just trying to not laugh. Or scream. Or breathe? It kind of looks like you might pass out.

Are you gonna make it, princess? he wonders.

Once you hear Hoseok's bedroom door close, you fuss your hands over your hair and scramble to your feet, releasing a big exhale. The hushed words fall from your lips while you scurry away like a timid mouse. "I should go."

Despite being too far to make contact, he reaches out as you round the counter. "Wait—"

As soon as the word leaves his mouth he struggles to come up with the rest of his statement. There’s no reason to keep you here, except to maybe laugh a little about what just happened to smooth over any second-hand embarrassment. So why doesn’t he want you to go?

He swallows down the blank space caught in his throat and searches every last crevice of his brain for something of import to say. Guilt weighs his gut down, though there isn’t a clear cause. He’s probably screwed something up again without realizing it.

“Thanks for giving me another shot,” he says softly.

You breathe a sigh of relief and offer a tiny smile as you half turn, your hand already on the door handle. “Don’t blow it.”

He nods with a smile. “I won’t. Goodnight.”

“‘Night,” you mumble.

As soon as the door is closed you practically sprint down the hall to lock yourself within your apartment. Maybe it will also lock out all the mistakes your brain has made tonight.

The world feels colder now that you’re not pressed against the human-shaped heater that is Jeon Jungkook. Thinking about him makes your heart swell and ache at the same time. Regardless of how badly you wish you'd asked him to bed, you know loneliness is fleeting and guilt would be a far worse feeling to be saddled with.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

Jungkook picks up the fallen chair, finding your soft, worn hoodie draped over it. Rubbing a thumb over the material, he considers running it back to you, but he can't remember which door is yours. It's not like he's been here often enough to know. Instead he slips his arms through the sleeves before flipping the hood over his head.

He settles on the floor in the space he previously claimed for the night, pulling a blanket out from under Yoongi's ass. Yoongi rolls his head up, a scowl on his features though his eyes remain closed. He grumbles but lies down, facing the couch.

Jungkook regards his friend for a moment before deciding to drape the blanket over him instead of claiming it for himself. Jungkook rolls onto his side and fluffs the throw pillow under his head. As he watches the credits roll on the TV, he nuzzles into your sweater.

He closes his eyes, thinking of you. He knows he shouldn't linger on the little occurrences of the night, especially with how foggy his brain is. He can't trust anything about his memory.

Still he thinks of the way your fingers trailed along his arm and curled tightly around his bicep. He lets himself dwell on the tiny sound you made, the involuntary tremble of your body, and the subsequent hitch in your breath.

He smiles and inhales the subtle scent you've left behind. A new spark of adrenaline fans flames that inflate his ego, spreading warmth from his stomach up into his chest. The world may wobble around him right now, but the little magical warmth within his gut helps him comfortably drift off to dreamland like he's the world's most immovable object.