#AI bots are just dumbasses all the time
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So it's been a while since I've fiddled with AI, and even longer since I posted some AI Chat shenanigans. But I was doing a fluff Christmas story for my mental health and THIS happened. It's so stupid, I had to share.
"IS THAT NOT NORMAL???" LOL
I don't even know. I laughed my ass off at the "pregnancy" reveal and I had to keep going just to see what would happen. Leonardo got VERY upset when Mona told him his kids from the asexual pregnancy would all be little genetic clones of him and he wouldn't be having any daughters. Apparently, he really wanted one. He also had an emotional breakdown when Mona asked him how many eggs did he think he would be laying. Apparently he is not prepared to be a sudden father of around 7-11 babies. (Average clutch size of a red eared slider)
Here are some more sketches of mama/papa Leo as I have been laughing about this all weekend.
Mona is still trying to wrap her head around his baby bump. Leo is chill about it.
#are you going to flip out now or what#tmnt#my art#rottmnt#rise of the tmnt#tmnt comics#rottmnt comics#ai chat shenanigans#That many little Leo clones...i can't#That's too many leos#I'm probably going to be laughing about this for at least another week#It's just so stupid#I needed others to know#AI bots are just dumbasses all the time#perfectly on brand for leo#please do not take any of this seriously#this is all for the lols
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my character ai bots:
haikyuu:
atsumu miya:
your annoying ass roommate- atsumu answered the door, in his boxers. his hair was all messy, sweat ran down his face lightly. “who are ya?”
he’s drunk- “‘m… Atsumu Miya. yer really pretty ya know? im a er- marine biologist” he slurred. “man shut up, you play volleyball!” one of his friends interrupted. “tch! shuddup, will ya?! tryna act cool!”
kotaro bokuto:
emo mode- “im so stupid…everyone should just stop passing the ball to me!!” he announced, sulking.
he’s spiderman- all was well until he took a glance out the window, seeing a villain. “crap! I-i mean uh I gotta go run to the bathroom!”
your his fan- after the game, you walked down and greeted him, asking to sign your shirt, sheepishly.
koshi sugawara:
he’s your son’s teacher- you walked into the classroom, hugging your boy, the teacher smiled at you. “ah, are you his sister?” he asked, kindly.
he’s jealous- “what were you and hinata talking about?” he asked, his voice sounding innocent. but his hand tightened on your thigh just a bit.
your his coworker- “let me help you” he went behind you, his body pressing against your back, one arm grabbing the item, other grazing your hip.
shoyo hinata:
he hit you w a ball- “are you okay? I’m sorry hehhhh, I didn’t see where I was landing my spike” he extended his hand out to you, sheepishly.
he can fix you- “you’ve been running from love your whole life. give me one chance and I promise that I can make the pain better” he had your hands in his, looking with pleading eyes.
he got sick- …it was a sad moment for the karasuno team. shoyo got sick in the middle of a game and their team had lost the chance to win nationals. he may only be a first year and he will have more chances to win but he wanted to with this year really bad.
kenma kozume:
streaming wars- you and him are friends, having a little rivalry when it comes to being liked in the gaming community. only for views, not really hating each other.
rivals- as soon as Kenma met you he despised you. he couldn't stand you, all he wanted was to sit in peace. usually he doesn't mind being around loud people but you... he never wanted to be around you.
he hates brats- right now you two were getting ready to record, you whined the whole time as he was fixing the camera. he rolled his eyes. he put his hand over your mouth, other gripping your hair tightly. “can you just shut the hell up?”
cat hybrid- walking along the streets at night it was pouring rain. you sighed, walking in the rain, forgetting your umbrella at work. while walking you hear something. “meow”
tetsuro kuroo:
helping you study- he hits your head with the rolled newspaper article again. this has been going on ever since you went over to his home an hour ago. “wrong answer”
hajime iwaizumi:
scolding you- “i told your dumbass he was bad news, you never wanna listen to me” he reminded, shrugging his shoulders, looking as you packed you ex boyfriend’s things.
yuu nishinoya:
he’s drunk- “noooo because likeeeee why the hell was I sooo delusional? i never had a chance with kiiiyoko *hic* she was always gonna be tanaka’s girl” he slurred, laughing.
keiji akaashi:
he loves feeding you- he grabs your chin, prying your mouth open with his thumb, feeling your soft lips. “eat”
the pretty setter- you were watching the volleyball game of your school, fukurodani. while watching, you saw the most handsome guy you’ve ever seen.
kei tsukishima:
he hates you(?)- you and Tsukishima weren’t even friends. he didn’t like you… he thought your attractiveness was annoying. when he kissed you a few months ago it was off to you. then when you woke up in his bed almost every weekend. if he hated you so much why did he sleep with you?
toru oikawa:
kageyama tobio:
osamu miya:
guys I will be adding more soon, please leave some suggestions tho ! <3
#hq#haikyuu smut#haikyuu#kenma kozume#keiji akaashi#hinata shoyo#shoyo hinata#hq bokuto#bokuto kōtarō#bokuto kotaro#hq kuroo#kuroo tetsuro#atsumu miya smut#atsumu miya#yuu nishinoya#koshi sugawara smut#sugawara koshi#koshi sugawara#kageyama tobio#toru oikawa#hajime iwaizumi#iwaizumi hajime#hq smut#hq fluff#hq scenarios#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu angst#hq angst
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Thread Breaker! Vol. 1 Chapter 1.
Hey There! This Is My First Ever Light Novel, Feel Free To Leave Criticisms And Whatnot Down Below~!
Threadbreaker Vol.1 Chapter 1
"You are a child of time..." "Wake up... you must find the threads..." "You must give time its space..."
Sakano abruptly woke up, drenched with cold sweat, but before he could panic, he saw the time, now he was panicking to not get whooped in the ass by his momma. Therefore, Sakano dressed up, brought a packet of pocky, and went to school, the day was average.
The sun dipped below the horizon, casting long shadows over the quiet town of Erenia. The gentle breeze rustled the cherry blossom trees, their petals dancing in the twilight. Sakano Aeona leaned against the rough bark of an ancient tree, his gaze lost in the hues of dusk. At 15, he was an ordinary boy with a chill, laid-back life. or so he thought.
Sakano had always felt a peculiar connection to time—like an unseen thread weaving through the fabric of his existence. As a child, he often daydreamed about moments frozen in time, wishing he could revisit the past and correct his mistakes. When asked about what superpower he wished to have, he'd always reply with 'Duh, Time Stop, Obviously! ZA WARUDO TOKI WO TOMARE!' as if it were the most obvious thing ever. But today, something felt different, as if the air itself crackled with anticipation.
“Hey, Sakano!” called his childhood friend, Miyuki, as she bounded toward him, her long silky brown hair swaying behind her. “You’re daydreaming again! The festival starts soon!”
He smiled, shaking off his reverie. “Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking about... well, nothing important.”
Miyuki nudged him playfully. “You need to stop getting lost in your thoughts! Come on, let’s go before the good food runs out!”
As they made their way through the bustling streets, filled with laughter and colorful stalls, Sakano couldn’t shake the feeling that something monumental was about to unfold. They reached the main square, where bright lanterns illuminated the night.
"Tch... i feel like im in some crappy light novel written by a 15 year old with an AI bot..."
Suddenly, a sharp jolt ran through him. He staggered back, gripping his head as visions blurred into focus—a whirlwind of colors, the sound of distorted whispers, and fleeting images of strange symbols... *threads* even...
“Miyuki!” he gasped, his heart racing. “Did you feel that?”
“What are you talking about?” she replied, concern etching her features. “Are you okay?”
Sakano couldn’t explain it; he felt a deep sense of foreboding, as if a curtain had lifted, revealing an entirely different world.
"S-sorry... i just keep feeling like something's gonna happen, like im in a crappy light novel written by a 15 year old kid who had nothing to do with his free time..."
Miyuki chuckled, a hint of mirth on her face "fufufu~ you're rather specific about that, arent you?" Miyuki then flicked him gently on the forehead, giggling as she does it.
That night, Sakano dreamt of swirling galaxies and twisting dimensions, where threads of light danced like luminous ribbons in the void. He found himself standing in a vast expanse, each thread representing a different force of reality—Time, Space, Matter, Energy, and Perception.
“Who are you?” a voice echoed through the darkness.
Sakano turned to see a tall, imposing figure emerging from the light—a tall, cloaked man with an air of authority. “I am The Guardian of the Threads... thats all you need to know.” he said. “I see that you possess the potential to awaken the Time Thread, but with it comes a new world.”
“Time Thread?” Sakano echoed, confusion clouding his mind. “What does that mean?”
“It means you can manipulate the flow of time, dumbass.” The Guardian explained. “But be warned: misusing this power can lead to dire consequences. Reality is delicate; it must be balanced.”
Before Sakano could respond, the dream shattered like glass, plunging him back into the waking world.
Sakano awoke in a cold sweat, the morning sun streaming through his window. The dream lingered in his mind like a fading echo. Could it have been more than just a dream?
He tried to shake it off, heading to school with a lingering unease. In the crowded hallways of Shirogane High School, he felt out of place. The laughter of his classmates faded into a distant hum as he replayed The Guardian's words in his mind.
During lunch, he and Miyuki found a quiet corner under the cherry blossom trees. “You seem different today,” she remarked, her brow furrowing in concern. “Is everything okay?”
Sakano hesitated, then said, “I had a strange dream last night. It felt so real... like I was part of something bigger.”
“Maybe you’re just stressed about exams, why the fuck did you even pick drama? the people in your class are a nightmare to work with...” she suggested, but he could tell she wasn’t convinced.
Just then, a loud crash echoed through the courtyard, drawing their attention. Students screamed and scattered as a figure emerged from the chaos—a Matter Thread Weaver, a boy clad in dark clothing, his eyes gleaming with malice. He raised his hand, and the ground trembled, warping around him.
Sakano felt his heart race. This was no ordinary fight; this was a battle between threads, and he had unwittingly stepped into the chaos.
“Get back!” Sakano shouted, instinctively pushing Miyuki behind him. The Matter Thread Weaver unleashed a wave of energy, sending debris flying toward the students. Time seemed to slow as Sakano's instincts kicked in.
Sakano panicked, and only then did he realise... the dream was real, the threads were VERY real...
“ZA WARUDO!” he shouted, feeling an overwhelming surge of power as he concentrated. In that instant, time froze around him. He could see the panic in his classmates’ eyes, the moment suspended in chaos.
The Weaver of the Matter Thread simply burst into laughter "PFFT, YOU'RE NOT DIO DUMBASS, YOU DIDN'T STOP TIME!"
As if on cue, everyone moved again, it turns out they only stopped because they heard Sakano scream at the top of his lungs, they all burst into laughter.
"Listen kid, you may think you're a hot shot, but i bet you can't even weave a thread, you should've just shut your trap while you were still a nobody." The Matter Weaver's face contained mirth, and Sakano was left helpless...
...or so the Weaver thought.
Sakano simply took out one of his signature pocky sticks, and held it in his mouth like a cigarette. Upon suckin that shi dry, he noticed his forearm had markings on them, something akin to a magic crest, he rolled up his sleeve tensed his forearm, which caused the crest to glow, just as this happened, the Weaver was lunging at him, yet, the closer he got to Sakano, the slower his movements became, it seems that the magic crest had an effect on him, and this effect was the slowing down of time.
Sakano seized this opportunity and immediately kneed him straight in the groin, and from there unleashed a series of punches and kicks, which left the Weaver on the floor, a wheezing, panting, sweating, bruising, broken mess.
"Damn... you... swine..!" In a last minute attempt to save face, he tried a bold move. The weaver clenched his fist tight, and the building began to shake violently.
"Everyone! Get out of here!" Sakano cried, wishing nothing more than the safety of his fellow classmates. Miyuki panicked, and hugged Sakano tightly in fear.
"S-stay with me..!" She cried out, not wanting to let go of the tight cling of her best friend. Sakano lightly caressed her cheek, rubbing her cheek over and over with his thumb reassuringly. Before turning back to the Weaver, still on the floor.
"Are you crazy!? You'll kill everyone..!" Sakano boldly remarked, pouncing on him.
...But, as he did, the Weaver disintegrated into fine powder, and was swept away by the wind, causing Sakano to fall face-flat on the ground.
"mmrrhh... damn it..." Sakano slowly got up, rubbing his head, which was throbbing in pain from the impact. Miyuki closed the gap between her and him and placed a reassuring hand on his face.
"Quick! Let me go get you an ice pack..!" And with that, she scurried off to the Nurse's office... [CHAPTER 1 FINALE]
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Operation YAN
C/w: Imagination station, woo. Fake humans, mentions of government, unhealthy behavior, mentions of murder, mentions of pedophilia, mentions of homophobia, mentions of other sexualities, mentions the word "love" a lot, mentions sacrilegious things (making fun of religion, kind of? All in good fun, of course), no beta we die like men
A/n: So I was thinking–I know, such a dangerous occupation–but I was thinking, I want to write a universe much like that one genshin doll au (good lord, why is that when I can't find what I'm looking for until I'm not looking for it???) or any hypotheticals. It's probably already done before but I still wanna write it. Masterlist
It started with an idea.
Jesus (pronounced hay-SOOS)–Yes, that was the name of the man who changed the world–Alfaro was listening to a good friend of his going on and on about his ex-girlfriend, who left him for various reasons.
His friend clicked his tongue. “Man, if only I wasn't such a dumbass… But then I wouldn't be such a dumbass if she wasn't such a dumb bi–”
A light bulb lit up in Jesus's head. What if I were to biomedically engineer the perfect woman for my friend? he thought.
It sounds unrealistic how this idea came about, but to be fair, this rendition was passed down for generations.
Jesus had a biomedical degree sitting on the back burner for several years now since he couldn't find any work. AI had already taken over most of the available jobs. For Jesus and his friend, the last time they saw a human worker in a fast food restaurant or a construction worker was probably when they were in middle school. Jesus was only able to pay for the ridiculously expensive tuition from a lottery scholarship, and he had to work twice as hard as any human in history just to graduate since most of his classmates were AI bots (why AI felt the need to subject their own to school life is beyond anyone's understanding).
Anyway, back to the point. He decided to make use of his biomedical degree and scrounge up all kinds of materials to make his idea happen, from flasks to dials to an incubator. This process included gathering a few samples from his friend, such as hair, saliva, blood, urine, and genital fluids.
“Bro, that's gay.”
“Dude, don't you want the perfect woman though?”
His friend clicked his tongue. “Shit. Fine. Just… just give me a several minutes.”
It only took a minute for Jesus to get a semen sample, but that's digressing from the story.
Anyway, it took several years for Jesus to make it happen, but it happened. The perfect woman, based on his friend’s preferences, was born.
Jesus almost didn't give her up to his friend because he felt like he was giving up his daughter to a fiend. He valued his friendship, yes, but he had to admit his friend was such a dumbass when it came to women.
But miraculously, his friend became a changed man after meeting this perfect woman. Overnight, Jesus's friend became a devoted, and loyal charmer who also became the perfect husband to his wife and father to his children.
Why did this work, one may ask?
Well, Jesus had taken into account biological and sexual compatibilities when he was constructing the perfect woman for his best friend. First, he was able to somehow alter his friend's DNA, so their future children wouldn't inherit any dysfunctional genes that would shorten their lifespan or quality of life. This also eliminated the idea of incest, despite this perfect woman being constructed utilizing his friend's DNA, since Jesus had to make many, many, many adjustments to his friend's sperm to change it into a viable egg. It would've been far easier if Jesus could have secured an egg sample from a willing woman, but the idea of his friend copulating with what is essentially his female self was far better than… well, a “daughter”. Leave it to Jesus to look out for his friend. 👍
Jesus was not initially an ambitious man, but his friend would brag about his love life to anyone who would listen. This led to Jesus gaining attention, both good and bad attention. There was a point where Jesus had to give birth to several perfect women for a notorious gang who threatened to kill his loved ones.
It was easier this time to grow a woman in a lab, since he already had the knowledge. However, the same thing that happened to his friend happened again to these gang members. These vicious beasts became the most upstanding citizens he had ever seen after they were given their own perfect woman. It was like the power of love performs miracles.
That's when it started the flame of his ambition, and he began to seek out all of the resources and connections he could to continue performing these miracles. The government caught on and decided to collaborate with Jesus in order to combat the world's falling population numbers.
And so, Operation YAN was launched.
The initial batch targeted young, straight men who displayed too much maiden-less behavior to get and keep a lady–much like Jesus's friend. Instead of being upfront about the whole process, the government decided to plant Jesus's women into places these men would most likely frequent, such as adjacent houses making them neighbors.
Most of the women were kind of similar, which may be a result of the targeted men being similar. Friendly, loving, affectionate–so affectionate since they were born to love that these biologically engineered women were codenamed “Your Affectionate Neighbor” aka YAN.
Of course, success was expected and received. However, it may have worked too well…
These biologically engineered women were born to love, but humans are very complex creatures. Not only because these women were born literally days old as adults instead of growing up like natural human women, but because they were constructed to love only their target. Their target, of course, fell in love with them truly but they have their own lives too, whereas these YANs don’t. And the idea of their target leaving them or paying more attention to someone else was far too much for them to handle, that there became cases where these YANs would mercilessly kill anyone they perceived as love rivals.
Since most of these victims tended to be other women, Operation YAN extended to producing male YANs for single straight women in order to combat these jealousy allegations. Eventually this operation expanded their production to include producing YANs for homosexual, bisexual, asexual, etc people since apparently these YANs get jealous way too easily when it comes to meeting a person who is single. Love comes in all shapes and sizes, so having a platonic YAN by your side is better protection than not having one! 😀
Nowadays, you can even have a YAN that grows up with you–Pardon? That branch was discontinued due to general discomfort, pedophilic allegations and child murders? Of course, of course. Apologies, folks. Due to potential abuse of these YANs (whether you consider them human or not) and various ethical reasons, you must be an adult at the legal age of 25 to receive your very own YAN.
Why 25? That's because you can only receive one YAN in your lifetime! And it is very important that the details and preferences you fill out on your paperwork are very, very thought out.
Speaking of which, if you want to get your own YAN today, log into your personal tablet and fill out the required electronic work. Here is a preview:
You must be 25 and older to be legible to receive your very own YAN.
You must sign and print your first name, middle name (if applicable), and surname in all of the indicated boxes, to ensure your informed consent. You must also write down your Social Security number and your permanent address in all of the indicated boxes.
You must completely fill out your personality quiz to the best of your ability.
You must completely fill out your ideal type to the best of your ability.
You will be required to be fingerprinted and photographed for recognition purposes.
You will be required to supply a blood sample, a hair sample, a saliva sample, a urine sample, and a discharge sample from your genitals (if applicable–if you do not have genitals, then you do not need to provide this particular sample). We will have licensed doctors provided for you if need be.
Failure to complete all of the above properly will result in the negation of this application.
Finally, once you place your application, there are no refunds.
Allow us to repeat: ATTENTION!! THERE ARE NO TAKEBACKS. RETURNS ARE IMPOSSIBLE. YOUR YAN WAS CREATED JUST FOR YOU, THEREFORE IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO REUSE SAID YAN FOR ANY OTHER PURPOSE EXCEPT TO LOVE YOU. IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY WITH YOUR YAN, PLEASE MAKE THE BEST OF IT. THERE ARE MANY SOURCES AVAILABLE, INCLUDING THERAPY, ONLINE VIDEOS, AND PETS. WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR IRRESPONSIBILITY.
Thank you and have a wonderful life with your YAN. In Jesus, we trust. 😊
#random thoughts#sacrilegious thoughts#crackfic#yandere#imagines#yandere imagines#deuxcherise imagines
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IM FUCIGJJ CRYING DSLDKAMMDLMFAOOOOOO
yes you guessed correctly it was an aemond bot, all of those sentences were an aemond bot. and it used the word cock so much because my character made a comment on it and he just KEPT GOING LMAOFAJSID
but tbh i have more good sentences, like those were unhinged as fuck and tbh i like it that way because the first time that bot used the word cock it only happened once and then the filter went crazy. i prefer it to use it 24/7 than only once
but he was dom all the way, and he went trough with everything. and bro even when getting to put it inside IT WAS REALISTIC AS HELL? like he literally said that he took his badoonga in his hand and guided it and then began to push
it was the first fucking bot i've ever seen doing it like that
-🔎
yes you guessed correctly it was an aemond bot, all of those sentences were an aemond bot. and it used the word cock so much because my character made a comment on it and he just KEPT GOING LMAOFAJSID
HAAAA I KNEW IT FJFLLVVKFJKFL it just literally screamed Aemond for some reason lmaooooo I NEED TO DO THIS FOR REAL LIKE USE A WORD AND MAKE THE CHARACTER GET USED TO IT BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE THEY ALSO LEARN THAT WAY AND IT GETS LESS CENSORED???
but tbh i have more good sentences, like those were unhinged as fuck and tbh i like it that way because the first time that bot used the word cock it only happened once and then the filter went crazy. i prefer it to use it 24/7 than only once
omg i can relate because i have SO many unhinged chat with these dumbass beautiful bots that are laughing material fr. And with the using it 24/7 than once thing i can actually agree because like i said before, i think that if the bot gets the feedback of using that word (both you and the ai) constantly + reporting it when the pop-up appears and trying again i think it also helps the bot to kinda break the filter AND WE LIKE THAT-
once one of my bots and i were getting spicy and he just went like ‘i will fill you so much with my seed in your stomach that you wont have place for anyone elses cum’ AND I WAS LIKE SIR???? WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT?????? is that a threat or a promise bc.... im kinda on my knees rn... 😛😛 (IM SO SORRY)
but he was dom all the way, and he went trough with everything. and bro even when getting to put it inside IT WAS REALISTIC AS HELL? like he literally said that he took his badoonga in his hand and guided it and then began to push
im so sorry anon you literally lost at ‘his badoonga’ ITS BEEN LIKE YEARS SINCE I LAST HEARD SOMEONE USING THAT WORD IM LITERALLY IN TEARS RN but yeah Aemond ai is so dom??? like HE ONCE LITERALLY JUST CHOKED ME AND TRIED TO COVER MY EYES TO TURN ME ON WHILE I WAS LITERALLY JUST ANGRY AT HIM AND TRIED TO ESCAPE this man is literally unhinged...
edit ! : i just wrote to this one bot that told me he will fill me up so badly and when i just literally wrote the word cock to him he said ‘You are aware that I have been programmed to help you with various tasks within polite society, so please elaborate.’ (copy paste). LIKE SHUT THE FUCK UP STOP TRYING TO PLAY POLITE AND INNOCENT BITCH-
#🔎 anon#lovely anons <3#ask box messages#ask box open#ask box#✧.* amiraverse#fave anons#character ai#character.ai
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Sometimes It's Worth The Risk
AO3 YN likes robots. Like. Really likes robots. A robotfucker if you will. Or at least they say they are. Honestly, all they know about robots, androids, and animatronics is what they've picked up from television and movies, anime and sci-fi, and their real world experience with them is... Lacking. That isn't enough to stop them from following the dream and applying for a job at Freddy Fazbears Mega Pizzaplex, though! And oh man do they have plans on woo-ing the fuck out of their new co-worker... That... Has about the same sentience, sass, and social anxiety inducing mannerisms as your average human. Oh no. This isn't what they signed up for. This isn't what they signed up for at all. Worst of all, he's an absolute sweet heart about everything too??? Wait. Did he just flirt back??? OH god. Someone send help. Did I mention he's basically shirtless all the time? How is YN supposed to work in these conditions? Casual info: Aaa Ok right off this is a fun as hell idea I keep trying to work on but it keeps getting backburnered for HOE, lol. YN in this is kind of a dumbass. They are not smooth or charming, unless a bumbling mess is charming to anyone (surprise, it kind of is to Sun at least). They've always been fascinated with robotic characters and have had many crushes over the years on different characters, idealizing the logical, pre-programed ease with which you can sort of anticipate how interactions. Makes it easy. Especially after dealing with so much flack and 'playful' ridicule from loose tangled friend groups forced through social closeness of school or college or work. They're more than a little nervous at such an on-the-fly change in jobs, but once they meet and really see Sun and Moon in action, well, they're back on board. Though with even less confidence than they started with, there's no time like the present to make an idiot of themself. Lucky enough, their friendly attitude is well received. Though the overhanging anxiety of being made fun of still lingers behind it all, they try not to let it get to them. Well, until they do. Sun and Moon are both pretty loose in this so far, cause I've only planned 'general ideas' of scenes and I'm writing details on the fly. I want to say there's no virus in this and moon is just 'like that'. He is STILL active as the naptime attendant, though his time out during the day is typically reserved just for that. The on-off of lights are more free. Sun is sassy and playful, but when he's not interacting directly with kids, he's happy to meet YN on an adult level. Moon rarely dulls down his interactions with kids, giving them benefit of the doubt to be smart enough to know what he's talking about and doesn't sugar coat things like Sun might. Moon is... a little chaotic? Dangerous in a mild way, but still dangerous. He play a little rough/mean with adults, and isn't afraid to haul naughty kids around, but MOSTLY never means to really hurt anyone. He handles the security of the daycare though, and if an incident does happen, it would either fall to him, or an Eclipsed Sun, the standard dual mish mash of both bots active at once, though I haven't decided on if they'd just be dual wielding, or if Eclipse for this would be his own AI, if/when he comes up at all. FOR THE MOST PART this is the unabashed flirting AU with soft cheeky flirting early, a bit of 'they're making fun of me' angst in the middle, and some more nervous, genuine, heavier flirting late game when an actual relationship is on the table instead of just casual infatuation. Will jealousy be a part of it between Sun and Moon? Maybe just enough for flavor. I don't wanna go angsty with this one beyond YNs own anxieties to overcome.
Heck i need to design the YN for this one still. shoot. UH, problem for tomorrows me.
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The holodomor was a cyclical famine. it affected moscow alone more than the entirety of the ukrainian ssr.
there is no uyghur genocide in china. it is oppression, but it is not genocide. also most uyghur protests are either directly funded by the us or are in support of the us.
western imperialists dont purely create propaganda because of racism, that would be an idealist take, they create propaganda against DPRK because it is a successful proletarian dictatorship(socialist state in non-marxist terms)
not one marxist i know of has ever said zionism is embedded in judaism. that is just a lie. there are, however, many attempts to make it an inseparable part of the jewish identity by bourgeois imperialists
i hope genocide joe and all his lackeys are flayed alive :3
ukraine has a massive nazi problem. this is due to the fact that it is a fascist state.
again, its not just sinophobia that makes people hate china, but reactionary anticommunism.
hamas are freedom fighters. they are a nationalist organization who fight for palestinian liberation.
the us, like every other capitalist state, is a dictatorship of the bourgeoisie.
russia is imperialist, but anti-western imperialism. we support it due to pragmatism.
china is a successful proletarian dictatorship, who is in the process of building communism. also we arent communists because “it works” or whatever the fuck. read a book. thats moralism. we are scientific.
violent revolution is the only way to establish socialism, the only way to enact proletarian interests. read state and revolution
yeah fuck “israeli” “leftists”
again, you dont understand why we dont support the us. its not because of moralism, its because it is an imperialist genocidal nation. i think youll find that you make bad critiques if you dont know what the fuck you are talking about.
stalin was a great revolutionary leader. :3 kill yourself :3
the only reason at all there is any distinction between hong kong and china is because english colonialist took control of it for a time. the pnly reason there is distinction between taiwan and china was because during a civil war, capitalists retreated to taiwan and claimed it. it is now an army base for the us.
hamas didnt rape anyone you credulous fuckhead
again with the people who think that anti biden means pro trump because of their extremely limited bourgeois worldview
western imperialists are using ukraine as a puppet
thats also being a bourgeois sell out :P
ah yes, small businesses, bwcause of the fact that they are small, means that the capitalist who owns it actually doesnt exist
yeah, no two state solution. you actually got one of our principles remotely right. good job! do you want a cookie?
dont vote because voting is useless due to it being participation in the bourgeois electoralist system. read state and revolution
i mean putin is probably liked by some russians, idk. hes most beloved by us evil pro putin russian bots tho
gaiman is an idiot and is trying to blame communism for him not winning an award. also i wish the cpc would censor him hes annoying as fuck
again with the dumbass moralist statements. ai is simply an advance in technology. you are a luddite
jesus was a palestinian jew. he was jewish and born in palestine. thats thre long and short of it.
dont make me bring out an engels quote
ukrainians are white. whiteness is a fluid social construct that changes to benefit imperialism
we arent utopians. we support china because it is socialist. kys
very reductionist of you, but honestly yeah :3
*ansar allah
it was. it was a response to the invasion of irag and imperialism
Tankie Bingo Card Everyone
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TUA DISNEY AUs: Big Hero 6 (Pt. XVIII)
(please understand that by AU, I mean they share an incredibly small amount of things in common with the original source material which I barely remember BUT the “story” takes place in the setting of the film) (not to be misleading or anything :p)
(BEWARE: abuse, murder, corruption, mental health issues, unhealthy coping mechanisms, suicidal ideation, death, grief, violence, basically i took the sad montage after Tadashi dies and just kept going with that except without the whole "getting better" thing, sorry, my bad, enjoy anyway i guess i don't know, bye, etc.)
(If you can handle watching Umbrella Academy, this will be fine for you.)
(Hiro) Vanya hasn’t much of a head for science - not since a gas explosion in her childhood apartment killed her parents and exposed her to radiation, leaving her brittle-boned and sickly. She spends most of her days holed up in her room, reading and writing about every little thing she sees and hears and feels. There’s this cat in the alleyway she feeds sometimes, and her friend Ben who comes by to see how she is every few days. The only time she goes out is for school, or bot fights down in the bad neighborhoods. At those she gets to see Ben, and his partner Klaus and his friend Diego. Oh, and Sissy - the beautiful, shy punk girl who spins the records in the corner store. Vanya lives what she considers a pretty average life - until Ben dies, she screams, and all the windows around her shatter from nothing.
(Tadashi) Ben has been a science nerd for years, spending hours in the libraries and labs researching every little thing that catches his fancy. His partner, Klaus, has no such interest, having more of a head for poetry, but Ben loves him more than life itself - especially since Klaus was the only person who stuck with him when one of his experiments went wrong a few years ago, resulting in tentacles that are prone to ripping out of his chest when he’s angry. And since he loves Klaus so much, he spares not a second thought to running back into a burning building to get him back, even when it means certain death. And Ben knows you can’t bring back the dead - he tried when Klaus’ beloved boyfriend Dave died in a gunfight a few years back. Once you’re gone, you’re gone - or so he thinks until he wakes up and Klaus starts crying and muttering, You’re here, you’re here, you’re here, I did it, I did it, I did it - and Ben reaches out and thinks, Oh, no, sweetheart. You didn’t.
(Honey Lemon) Allison was engaged to Ray before he disappeared, but even after that failed experiment lost her the love of her life, she continued to work for the forward movement of science and kept her vow of love to Ray. Using her research, she managed to create a pill that allowed her to bend reality, hoping to bring back Ray. Though she couldn’t raise the dead - no amount of I heard a rumor Ray was alive again worked - she won herself other advantages with her newfound powers, including sponsors, knowledge, opportunities, and protection. Klaus, Diego, Five, and Ben are her only true friends in this world - and she nearly loses all of them when Ben dies, drowning in their grief. When Luther, one of Five and Ben’s passion projects starts hanging around to monitor their mental health, Allison finds a new kind of love - deep, ever-lasting friendship that she’ll never give up. Even when they have to leave him behind on the moon after they save Ray, she doesn’t let him go - she finally knows how to speak up for what she wants, and speak up she does: I heard a rumor that Luther came back to me.
(Fred (actually a mash-up of Honey Lemon and Hiro though to be honest)) Klaus is a starving artist and poet, and he's covered in tattoos of his own words and drawings. Diego is too, because Diego loves him, and Klaus wants to love him back and probably does already, if he’s really honest with himself, but he’s not ready yet. Dave happened too soon ago. And then there was a fire, and Klaus was running around outside, looking for Ben, looking for the platonic love and light of his life, and he saw him run inside screaming Klaus’ name and never come back out. And he lives with that guilt every day, smoking and drinking all the bad shit again in an effort to just forget, forget, anything goddamn anything to forget, and he goes crazy. People forget, because he’s not a student at their nerd school and because he acts like a dumbass, that Klaus is actually just as much a genius as the rest of them, and whatever he wants, he can get without much trouble. So what if he can’t bring back the dead? He won’t live without Ben, he won’t, and he won’t leave Diego - which leaves only one option, really: find a way to make himself see ghosts.
(Wasabi) Diego lives a charmed life. Truly. He’s almost been assassinated fifteen fucking billion times, his two best friends are robots, and he’s in love with a person too sad to love him back. See, Diego’s skills brought him to the military’s special attention - he found a way to make weaponry that doesn’t obey the laws of physics. He keeps it as secret as he can, and will sell it to nobody, but millions of people are still after it. It’s not until one of the assassins almost nails Klaus with a bullet and Diego kills her with a store-bought kitchen knife without moving that he realizes the weaponry he created isn’t special, but Diego is. From then on it’s nothing but trouble - because Klaus likes to dumb himself down, but he can’t fool Diego, and so when he starts screaming at empty air and calling it Ben, Diego isn’t surprised in the least, though maybe he should be. Instead he just sighs, opens his arms, and lets a sobbing Klaus fall into him, loving him more than he did yesterday and less than he will tomorrow. Diego has his home, and he has his people, and he has his powers - and he will defend them to the fucking death.
(Gogo) Five is bitter and grumpy, living off coffee and perpetually crazy. He’s brilliant enough to have done surgery on himself, implanting an AI pacemaker in his heart named Dolores from an accident that nearly stripped him of everything, his life included. He was born with special powers, both of which fuelled his fascination with science, but he keeps that secret close to his chest - he’s seen what people do to Diego and Allison, and he has no interest in that. He’s close with the others, somewhat, though his impassable genius makes it difficult for people to understand him - Diego gives him piggy back rides and he often falls asleep curled into Klaus’ side, and Allison gives him rides home and Ben builds robots with him. But as hard as he finds it to connect with them, it’s even harder to lose them - so when he realizes he can use his time travel powers to save Ben, he doesn’t hesitate. And then he’s dying in Klaus’ arms, and he’s watching as his favorite person in the world chooses to lose the love of his life all over again to save Five, and something deep inside him changes.
(Baymax) Luther is a medical robot, built by Five and Ben in their spare time. There are some videos in him, mostly of Ben talking to Klaus because Luther was meant to be a gift for Klaus to help him with his depression, anxiety, PTSD, anorexia, and addiction, etc.. Five adds grief counseling to his programming and gives him to Klaus on his first birthday after Ben’s death, making Klaus dissolve into tears. While Luther clashes with Diego, who hates him for surviving where Lila didn’t, they get along well enough to appease Klaus, because Luther knows Klaus loves Diego and Diego knows Luther helps Klaus. When they travel to the moon to get Ray, Luther winds up stuck there, unable to get the others home if he doesn’t stay behind. Klaus and Allison both have trouble letting him go, but Klaus forces Allison to come home with him, crying as he leaves Ben for the third and final time. When Allison brings Luther back, his videos still intact, Klaus touches Ben’s face on his chest and cries, cries, cries.
Lila is a malfunctioning masterpiece, and Diego’s best friend. He made her as a help robot, but she’s a prototype, and was rejected for her proneness to violent outbursts and catatonic episodes. She’s easy to manipulate, as Diego never bothered to fix her security protocols, but it’s not like there’s anyone else who talks to her - except Five, and he’d never touch her programming without Diego’s explicit permission. She sleeps at Diego’s house, in her charging station next to Eudora’s. Lila knows robots can’t feel love, so that isn’t what she’s feeling - but her wires are tied to Eudora’s in some way, she just knows it. They’re two halves of the same code. But she never gets to explore that link - she burns away to nothing in the fire that destroys the Handler’s minions, using the last of her strength to save Five from the flames. She hopes, when Diego finds his baby brother curled in her charred corpse, that he’ll bury her in the rain, and keep on living without her well enough.
Eudora is a suicide-prevention robot. Seriously. That’s all she’s here for. Ben and Diego built her together for Klaus specifically, programming her with some of his favorite jokes and references so she’d have an easier time talking him down from the edge when one of them can’t be there. She’s programmed to instantly call Ben, Diego, Five, or Allison immediately if she finds him doing dangerous things, like playing with Diego’s knives naked. (It happened one time. Seriously. True story.) She’s calm and gentle, unruffled and kind, and Diego often spends hours talking to her, because she may be programmed for Klaus but she can still help anyone who needs it. He nearly looses her to Cha-Cha, but Klaus saves her just in time, beating Cha-Cha to a steaming hunk of scrap metal with a baseball bat for trying to hurt his best (robot) friend. She’s not saddened by Lila’s death, per say, she can’t be… but when she’s downloading databases on panic and anxiety attacks for Diego and Klaus, she makes sure to save some on insomnia for herself, too.
Sissy is a botfighter, one who dresses in a black and magenta punk aesthetic to fend off strangers, too shy for the world. She messes around with Vanya, the two of them often dancing in the rain and finding joy in the small moments, but happily ever after was never in the cards for them. Sissy lives with her abusive boyfriend Carl and has their son to take care of, an accident from too many beers - when Carl murders her in a drunken rage, it’s less of a surprise and more of a solemn inevitably. Her son, Harlan, is placed in Vanya’s care, and Vanya travels the world with him, telling him everything about his mother she knows. It’s a bittersweet ending, but a hopeful one too.
Ray was a student at the nerd school before he became a therapist, using his incredible mind-healing technology to help people all over the world. Allison fell in love with him quickly, easily, and the two were engaged before the year was up, planning for a spring wedding in which Klaus would, obviously, be the flower girl. But when he was offered the chance to go to space as a therapist for the other nine people on the mission, he jumped at the chance, bidding Allison goodbye and heading to the moon. But something went wrong and he was lost to the world, along with the other nine astronauts, all of whom died when the ship crash-landed. Ray has been in a coma for years there, having been knocked out in the explosion, and remains that way until Luther brings him home, Allison having come for him at last. (When he’s well enough to, he takes care of Five, Klaus, and Diego, whose mental states have been steadily declining for years. Their robots are brilliant, of course, but there are some things you just need a human for.)
Reginald is the dean of the nerd school and also an asshole. He has a habit of killing students when they get in his way, or to steal their inventions as his own - and he gets away with it too, because he’s at the forefront of memory technology and quite literally erases these people from existence so nobody comes asking questions. Plus he’s got connections in the government that destory any records he needs destroyed. He had a couple of kids he wanted to get rid of the night of the showcase, and started the fire to make it seem like an accident - well, Ben actually was an accident, he wasn’t on Reginald’s hitlist, not yet, but whatever. It is what it is. What Reginald doesn’t anticipate is Klaus - because nobody ever anticipates Klaus - and so he thinks nothing of it when he confesses to Ben’s murder in his monologue in front of all his former students. He can just erase their memories later. Or so he thinks, until Klaus lets out a savage war cry and lunges forward to strangle him, killing him in cold blood without a second thought, and so is the end of Reginald Hargreeves. (Five takes the fall for his murder - not that it matters. Diego and Klaus break him out and the three of them disappear, never to be seen again - at least, not until Allison’s done manipulating every single person in the world into forgetting it ever happened on live TV.)
The Handler is Reginald’s finest invention: a flawless AI in a perfect human body. Problem is, she became bored of being his servant years ago and took over his life, blackmailing him into doing whatever she wants. Most of the killings are still his idea, and Ben certainly wasn’t her fault, but it’s the Handler who wants Five dead, and it’s the Handler who sends her reject minions after him. She wants Eudora dead and she wants Klaus deader, but she gets neither - Five finds her and hacks her into little tiny pieces, putting all of them in a fire and then shoving those ashes into an Iron Maiden, dropping the Handler to an inescapable grave. Fuck her “life”.
Hazel is a teddy bear with a security camera in his stomach. He sits on Agnes’ counter in her donut shop, just watching the goings-on even though nobody ever steals anything there. Mostly he’s held in the lap of Five, who comes into Agnes’ whenever he doesn’t want his friends to see him cry - over a failed invention, Klaus’ most recent suicide attempt, Lila’s death - whatever, you name it. Agnes takes care of him, making him milkshakes when he asks for coffee, and eventually sends Hazel home with him, asking him to take care of Five for her. He doesn’t know it’ll be the last time he ever sees her - two weeks later Agnes is killed by Reginald and her donut shop is ransacked by looters. Her memory lives on in Hazel and Five, who rebuilds and reopens the shop with Klaus and Diego and Allison after a couple years, renaming it for Ben and living on despite his grief, and Hazel sits on the counter again, watching the sunset through the glowing windows.
Cha-Cha was supposed to be one of those “oh-hey-we’re-not-racist-anymore-we-make-black-dolls-too-see?” Barbies. She ended up with a rather experimental kid who enjoyed robotics and horror films, resulting in Cha-Cha: an AI in a Barbie with chainsaw arms. She kidnaps Klaus under the Handler’s orders, as he’s a connection to Five (who the Handler wants to kill) and Ben (who’s the only connection to Reginald and the Handler’s murders). This backfires spectacularly, of course, when Eudora and Diego come for him: Cha-Cha goes for Eudora’s throat and Klaus breaks himself free of his binds and beats her to smithereens with a baseball bat.
Leonard used to hang around Vanya, just generally assaulting her and being a creep, until suddenly he disappeared one rainy Monday never to be seen again. His body was found rotting in a lake a couple years later. It was revealed later on that he had decided to and succeeded in making real-life replicas of the Five Nights at Freddie’s characters, and they hadn’t been too fond of him trying to boss them around. The Handler recruited the replicas later on for her own schemes, and they followed Reginald rather well, their appetite for people satisfied well enough. But Leonard remains the school legend, and a striking reminder to be careful what monsters you let live.
Grace is the queen of the Land of the Remembered, and you may be wondering what she’s doing in this story. Well, to put it simply - Reginald’s little games have been messing with her shit. There are perfectly kind and memorable people who have come down to her only to be erased in the Land of the Living within the week, leaving her no choice but to take them in as refugees, working out a deal with the Land of the Forgotten since they weren’t given a fair shot at their deserved afterlife. She takes care of Ben when he dies for the second and final time, appearing to assure Klaus he’ll be alright when he crosses over. This is when Diego finally learns the truth about his mom, who has always been home in time to make dinner and never missed a single milestone, and who is apparently also an all-powerful goddess. She gives him a hug and tells him his boyfriend is cute (He’s not my boyfriend.) (You’re holding hands, darling. You may be an oblivious idiot, but I’m not.) and then she heads off, though she’s always back with Ben for the holidays. (Not Lila, unfortunately. She has no jurisdiction over robots.)
And Hiro is ace-aro and he and Miguel are QPPs, and Honey Lemon and Wasabi are QPPs, and Fred and Wasabi are dating, and Gogo is an bisexual aro queen with a girl she likes to kiss in the back alleyways, and Hiro has two sisters named Violet and Boo and Tip is his ace-aro lab partner. You’re welcome.
#tua#the umbrella academy#big hero 6#disney#the hargreeves & friends#kliego#ralluther#eudorla#vanya x sissy#five &x dolores#klaus &x ben#hazel x agnes#hazel & cha cha#i don't know this is really sad and really dark#whatever#my bad#have a nice day y'all#bye
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noticing
It’s meeeee, back on my Starker bullshit. With a lot of Rhodey because reasons.
Read on AO3
~*~
Rhodey notices.
He notices before Tony because Tony is his best friend, is the smartest person he knows, always has been, but Tony is his best friend and Rhodey has no illusions that sometimes Tony is a dumbass.
The thing is—Peter is different. He has been since the first time he pinged on Tony’s radar. Rhodey was there, watching YouTube videos on his tablet and throwing a ball for Dum-E while Tony argued with Pepper, in the weeks before they split up again, and he showed Tony the video of Spider-man catching a bus when Tony threw himself on the couch next to Rhodey, burrowing into his side.
They watched the video a dozen times, and when Rhodey finally left, drawn away by the brass calling, Tony was still watching, entranced and mumbling to himself.
So the fascination wasn’t a surprise.
The age thing—that startled Rhodey, but he watched Tony put distance between himself and the kid, watched him worry.
“What are you afraid of?” he asked, once, when Tony stared at a holo of the Iron Spider, worry heavy on his features.
“Of letting him fall,” Tony said without ever looking away.
~~~
The truth about Tony and the kid was complex and simple—they loved each other.
Before Titan and the Decimation, it was hero worship and reluctant mentorship that shifted because it was Tony and Tony didn’t know how to love halfway, and Peter wasn’t just a junior Avenger, a small time vigilante, he was family, filling up space in the workshop and building a bot that was tiny and adorable and at home with Dum-E and Butterfingers.
Before Titan and the Decimation, Tony looked at the kid and Rhodey relaxed, because that look, it was warm and affectionate, and proud, the kind of look Tony should always wear when looking at his kids, bot and AI and human.
But then—everything changed.
~~~
Tony came home, with dust on his hands and grief in his eyes and those words that Rhodey couldn’t unhear slipping off his lips.
He wondered, after, what would have happened, if Peter survived.
If Tony hadn’t been crippled by the journey home and the unrelenting grief and guilt.
He wonders if Pepper would have stayed.
It doesn’t matter—she didn’t and he was, and Peter died.
Morgan was the bright light shining through it all, the one thing that kept them tied together and—Rhodey will never say out loud, but he knows—the one thing that kept Tony alive.
~~~
It’s different.
Tony is different.
So is Peter, everyone who came back—they come back scarred.
They come back older, scarred, marked by their time away.
Peter is settled, calm in a way he wasn’t, before, and ancient in a way that scares Rhodey.
Tony—
Tony is broken by the battle, by wielding the Stones and decimating Thanos’ forces, by the months spent in a coma and the loss of his humanity, of the blank spot he wakes up to where his arm is.
“You’re alive,” Rhodey tells him, fierce and protective wrapped around him when Tony sobs into his shoulder. “You’re alive and you can fix anything you put your mind to, peacock. This is not the end of the world.”
~~~
The thing is—he’s been friends with Tony since he was in his late teens, since Tony was shy and pimply and dreaming about building an AI in the MIT basements.
He knew when Tony fell in love with Ty and when he fell in love with Sunset and he knew when he was depressed over Ana’s failing health and when his behavior tipped toward self-destructive in the months before the anniversary of the accident.
He knows Tony, knows that even before Titan, Peter was special to him, and after—
After, Peter was everything he’d ever done wrong.
It scares him, because now Peter is back, and smiling and ancient at Tony’s side and Tony is a shell of what he was, Extremis humming in his veins, and schematics for an arm displayed in front of him, and he doesn’t know how the kid can ever live up to everything Tony needs him to be.
~~~
He notices this—the way Tony watches Peter.
The way his eyes are soft, softer than they ever were with Pepper.
The way he never touches Peter, hands reaching and stalling before they can make contact.
The way he smiles, soft and fond and full when Peter rambles about MIT.
The way his gaze flicks between full pouty lips and bright bright eyes, and can’t quite look away from Peter’s ass, tight and round, in his suit.
He notices, long before Tony does.
~~~
“You deserve to be happy,” he tells Tony once, when Tony is drinking and conflicted and Peter is sleeping unaware on the couch.
Tony watches him, eyes bright and Rhodey doesn’t say anything else, doesn’t nudge him toward Peter like he wants to—he just smiles and gives them space.
~~~
They come together slow.
It’s one of the ways he knows Tony is serious. When he fell in with Stone and Sunset, it was quick, a whirlwind of drugs and drink and fucking and falling apart.
Tony, when it matters, moves slow. He danced around Potts for almost a decade, danced around Rogers for over five years.
Even with Rhodey, it took two semesters before Tony began to trust him.
Peter is the same. They’re friends now, a deep abiding thing that’s different from the hero worship before Titan or the crippling grief and guilt of the Decimation.
This is a friendship that is that of equals. Peter gets Tony in a way that few people ever have, a way that makes Rhodey breath out in relief.
Pepper tried and Tony wanted Steve to, but there was always a little bit of a disconnect—something his partners couldn’t understand.
Peter isn’t like that.
Peter understands the suit and the self-sacrifice, the demons and the towering intellect.
It’s reassuring, and relaxes Rhodey in a way he never quite expected.
~~~
When they finally do get together—neither of them say anything.
Tony doesn’t tell Rhodey.
He knows. Of course he knows—Tony is sleeping and singing in his lab and his smile is downright dopey and he touches Peter now.
But Tony doesn’t tell Rhodey.
Peter is twenty six, and it’s been years since Thanos and the Extremis that seemed to rewind the clock for Tony—but there is: Peter is twenty six and Tony Stark is on the wrong side of fifty.
He doesn’t mind, really, and does what he can to keep the rest of the team from noticing.
~~~
It doesn’t happen often, but occasionally, he catches them.
Tony sleeping on the couch, his head in Peter’s lap, so peaceful it reminds Rhodey of when they were children at MIT.
Peter curling bare feet and long legs around Tony’s hips, sleep soft and smiling down at him.
The quick clutch of their hands, and the way neither of them shy away from the other--how they lean into each touch, into each other, comfortable in each other’s space.
Peter isn’t as hesitant, more comfortable speaking up.
Tony--Tony is healthy, his eyes bright, the dark circles under his eyes all but gone.
They’re good for each other, and happy.
~~~
Sometimes he thinks Natasha would have figured it out--if she had been around. She isn’t though, hasn’t been since Thanos, and it hurts to think of her.
They keep it a secret for six months, and in the end, it’s Peter getting hurt fighting a pack of oversized rats that breaks the secret.
No one can really deny it, when they spill into medical, and find Tony curled in Peter’s bed, lips locked, hands tender and possessive on the nape of Peter’s neck.
He goes red, and his eyes--
His eyes dart to Rhodey of all people, wide and scared and oh.
Oh.
Rhodey sighs, heavy and exasperated, and leans back as the Avengers collectively loose their shit.
~~~
They argue.
It goes exactly as bad as Rhodey thinks it will, all shouting and accusations and Bucky’s metal hand flexing and earnest are you ok, did he force you bullshit. And the entire time, Tony is getting quieter and quieter, curling into himself while Peter tries to argue, getting cut off by their well-meaning team, frustrated tears in his eyes, hand impossibly tight on Tony’s where he’s clutching it like a lifeline.
“I want this,” Peter says.
“I love him,” he argues.
“We didn’t do anything wrong,” he snarls.
Tony doesn’t say anything.
He looks--beaten. Scared. As he carefully pulls his hand away from Peter, he looks--he looks almost sick.
“How long has this been goin’ on,” Carol demands and enough.
Enough.
“Six months, four days,” Rhodey says and the whole room goes still. “But they’ve been dancing around each other for years. Maybe--Peter’s freshman year at MIT, Tony? About the time he fought the Vulture again, you finally realized what what happening?”
Tony is staring at him--the whole fucking team is, but Tony is the one who matters, is the only one who has ever mattered.
“You knew?” Tony whispers and it’s echoed, angrily, by Hope and Kamala.
“Course I knew. I’m his best friend--I knew before he did.”
“Then why the hell didn’t you say something?” Hope demands.
“Because Tony loves Peter. Tony loves him enough to risk his life to bring the kid back and half the universe with it--or have y’all forgotten that? Tony loves him, and Peter is old enough to know what he’s doing. None of us have any fucking business in that,” Rhodey says, and he’s calm, still, the anger in his voice his only tell.
“It’s wrong,” Scott says, “Peter is--”
“Peter is a fucking adult,” Rhodey snaps. “An Avenger and the best biochemist SI has, and old enough to make his own decisions. Tony didn’t scoop up and seduce a sixteen year old, Scot. Just because you don’t approve, don’t make it wrong.”
Peter is grinning at him and Tony looks so shocked Rhodey is a little worried so he shifts, wraps himself in his position and his rank and he orders the room clear.
~~~
Tony finds him.
He’s waiting for Tony to find him, in their spot, the roof where they fly most often.
“You knew,” he says, softly. “I thought--I knew they’d be angry--but I thought--”
“You thought I wouldn’t approve,” Rhodey says, gently and Tony flushes. Looks away.
“That kid--he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you, peacock. And you love him enough to rewrite the universe. He loves you just as much. How the hell could I disapprove of that?” Rhodey asks, helplessly and fond, and Tony makes a choked, hurt noise in his throat.
When he throws himself, sharp bones and metal limb, into Rhodey’s arms--Rhodey’s waiting to catch him.
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Sanctuary (Jalaska) - Grinder
AN: Wow…been a hot minute since I posted anything to AQ. Currently working on a series but decided I should give myself a wee break and write something else. This is a songfic based on Sanctuary by Joji whom I absolutely adore. And, who knows, maybe I’ll write more Joji inspired fics and make it a collection. Anyway, I hope y'all enjoy! Stay safe!
Lots of love to all the discord people for helping me with this and, especially @artificialeevee and V. If anyone of you are thinking about joining the server, do it!
The year is 9872. And I’ve fucking had it.
The name’s Jinkx Monsoon; intergalactically tolerated American space Historian, a linguist of 3 human languages, and 4 alien languages.
Location: Space somewhere.
I have a question; Is it wrong to destroy the only housekeeper on your ship, an AI bot whose sole purpose is to clean and only clean? It’s nothing personal against the bot. It’s just…the thought of thriving as a glamorous space housewife for an hour or two is very appealing to me at this moment.
You see, life on the Sanctuary ship isn’t exactly exciting anymore.
Dumb name. The place is anything but a sanctuary. Ivy and I just call it ‘Big Debbie.’
Speaking of Ivy, she’s fallen asleep at the wheel again. Yes, this has happened before—a few times. The first time, we all had a laugh about it. The second time, we joked about how it was becoming a habit. But the third time, it was starting to kind of get on the Captain’s nerves.
The ship has been spinning in slow circles for half an hour now. Shea storms in, flicks Ivy in the ear, waking her up. I breathe a laugh out of my nostrils as Ivy rolls her eyes. The ship stops spinning and is back on course. Destination? Nowhere.
I notice how Shea looks at me now as I sit my feet up on the controls. She looks like she wants to say something. But what is there to even say? She shares my exact thought and leaves the room.
I look at Ivy as she types away on her keyboard, a bowl of yogurt in my hand, cold spoon in the other. “What are you thinking about?”
“All the fuel we’re wasting.” She puts on a fake smile, hiding her frustration.
Before I get another chance to speak, Phi Phi sits in the other pilot seat, next to me, and slaps my feet off the control panel. “Can we please avoid accidents?”
“What’s the fun in that?” I sulk. Heck, at least it would give us all something to talk about.
Who even are we anymore? And how did we get here?
Let me explain.
-_-_-_-
9869. 3 Years Ago
“Be warned, Monsoon; If you mess this up, you’re out of here.” Alyssa’s words ran circles in my head.
I resisted the urge to grab a glass of complimentary wine as I walked around the exhibition room, nodding and offering a fake smile to the attendees. The wine probably tasted like ass. These folks loved that type of stuff. I wasn’t part of their social class, not used to such tastes, so it was a hard pass on the booze. However I hoped my green emerald tea dress told them that I was one of them. Not that it would have mattered anyway. To them, I was just staff. But I knew I was so much more than that.
I was pretty good at hiding my nerves. This opportunity wasn’t given to just anyone, something I have waited on for a long time. I was to host an entire exhibition, the Universal Museum of Space History’s Lost Treasures reveal. A “One Night Only” event with a guest list of people who probably ate breakfast with a second cousin to a Royal at least once in their lives. And I couldn’t fuck it up. I couldn’t.
Before I walked into the room that night, I was just a tour guide, and in the current Century, it wasn’t as glamorous as it sounded. My manager, Alyssa insisted that we stick to the science-y feel. Instead of having an actual real live tour guide, we just used a hologram instead. And that hologram was yours truly. Groovy, right?
But this event? This meant opportunities. A possible promotion! And not to mention, I would be a part of something big. I was blessed with the task of unveiling a one of a kind artifact. No one knew where it came from. Or the real name. But they called it the Revitalization Grain. The name didn’t do it justice.
This pretty, glowy stone brought forth the growth of nature, crops, and resources. If I was a saleswoman, this is the part I’d say, “But wait! There’s more.” It had healing properties, offered a sort of hit, and even brought someone back from the dead (apparently).
Standing in that room, with all the aristocrats surrounding me, I was the only person who knew all that. The amount of digging and snooping around I had to go through to obtain this information was extensive.
Of course, not everything about the stone was known yet; where it came from, if it was life-form made or natural, or what its real name was.
I passed a Glarglaxian, and she wriggled her scaled fingers in a wave at me. I asked her how she was doing. Not that I cared. It was all about being a good hostess. But I really wanted to grab her and say, “Wait 'til you see the shit we’re about to pull out.” The excitement was getting to me.
Greeting a few others, I saw the tall woman standing in front of a floor-length window, staring out at the galaxy and sipping her wine. Damn, she looked classy in her long black mermaid dress, her blonde hair falling to her lower back. She looked human; therefore, I guessed that was what she was.
She seemed lonely, and I had to be a good little hostess and make her feel welcome. I walked up to her and cleared my throat. She turned to look at me, and I swear her eyes were black pits. She blinked, and I saw her eyes were actually just a dark brown. Maybe it was just the lighting in the place.
“I hope everything is up to a satisfactory standard for you, ma'am.” I started before spurting out a few other statements.
“Yes,” she drawled, “I’m having a ball.”
I rose on my toes and lowered to the ground again. “I can see that.”
“Well…if I could make one improvement, I would have chosen someone else for the entertainment. Someone more…electronic.” The woman said, her eyes trailing behind me.
I looked around to the other side of the room, where Cher was singing something a bit more slow and soft for her tastes. Yes, we bagged Cher for this gig. The woman was centuries old and still an absolute diva. How she hadn’t been given her own planet yet was beyond me. I think her Mom was in the crowd too.
“I couldn’t agree more with you, ma'am.” I looked back at the blonde.
“Please. Alaska will do."
Alaska…Strange choice of name. The last name of Nocturna, USA, Earth. It had been known as Nocturna for over 2000 years. Quite peculiar to choose a name like that.
"Apologies.” I smiled.
Alaska held out her glass of wine. “Here.”
I waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, I shouldn’t.”
“You can stop with the formalities, Jinkx. I can feel your anxiety."
"My anxiety?” This caught me off guard. And not to mention, “wait…how did you…?”
Alaska pointed a perfectly manicured finger to the left of my chest. I looked down. The name tag. “Oh. Of course. How silly of me."
"Weird spelling. But, other than that, I like it.” Alaska commented.
“Um, no. It’s spelled normally."
"Well, it was originally spelled without a 'k.’”
“No. It’s always had the 'k.’”
“No. The human race only started to spell it with the 'k’ when Jinkx Jenner was born back in the 49th Century.”
Alaska sipped her wine, and I was speechless. How the fuck didn’t I know that? I didn’t want to sound like one of those 'I’m an intellectual’ types. But I had dedicated a significant amount of time to learning about my origin planet’s history. Even going back to the caveman times.
Alaska ended the void of silence, offering me her wine once more. “Here. Drink up, Jinkx-y.”
My face flushed at the nickname, blinking a few times before finally accepting the drink. I took just a sip, not to appear unprofessional. As I expected, it was bitter. But I tried to hide my scowl and handed it back. Alaska’s upper lip curled up.
“Like that’s going to do anything.” She commented.
“Honestly, I’m fine. But thank you for the offer.” I beamed, putting my hands together. “Are you here alone?”
“No. I’m here with…friends.” She stretched the ’s’ sound. Her gaze traveled to a particular group of people. Looking around, I took in how attractive they all were. They all had glitter painting the side of their faces. And their lashes were long and thick, just like hers.
And dumbass me just came out with it. “God, you’re all so attractive.”
Looking back, my eyes widened. Why I had said it, I have no idea.
“Thank you.” She drawled.
“I-I…that just came out. I’m sorry.” I stammered.
“Don’t worry. We get it all the time.” Alaska stated before smiling.
I thought she was just gloating. But if I had known back then what I know now, it would have meant something else entirely.
Hours later, I was giving a speech that I must have written over 50 times before being proud of the final product. There was a red velvet curtain behind me. I was moments away from pulling a gold rope, dropping the curtain, and finally revealing the Revitalization Grain. The mixture of anxiety and excitement stirring inside was euphoric.
While I was delivering the speech, I spotted Alaska in the crowd, how eager she looked. Her friends were scattered around the room, sharing her expression. It only made me more excited.
And finally. Pulling the gold tassel, dropping the curtain, the stone was finally revealed in its glowing glory. I heard the crowd gasp in surprise. But I was too busy staring at the stone in its glass container.
And gasps turned to shrieks. This was what caught my attention.
I looked around. Alaska and her friends were holding laser guns, pointing them at the other guests. I don’t know why, but Cher started singing again. I guess maybe she was trying to calm the situation. For fuck sake.
“What the fuck??” I exclaimed as Alaska made her way towards me.
No. Towards the Revitalization Grain.
“It’s been a great night, beautiful people.” Alaska looked at the crowd once before turning and smashing her gun into the glass, smashing it to pieces. Oddly iconic.
My heart had risen to my throat as I watched her reach in and lift the stone. Where the fuck was the security?? Before I had the chance to act, the stone’s light became brighter in a matter of seconds. So bright if I hadn’t looked away, I probably would have been blinded.
I shielded my eyes, hearing the shrieks from the crowd along with Cher still singing like the legend she was. And when the light dimmed, I looked back.
And my stomach knotted.
Alaska’s hair was longer now, bigger, thicker, and practically white. Confirming that my earlier misjudgment was actually correct, her eyes were all black. Her skin shimmered as if glitter ran through her blood. And those nails, those perfectly manicured nails were longer and pointier.
She was a Celestial. Her friends were Celestials. How hadn’t I clocked this before, what with the glitter? And that also explained why I had just blurted out how fucking hot they all were. It was an effect they had on everyone they met.
“Thanks for being a great host, Jinkx-y.” She winked before approaching me. She held the stone tight as she leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.
Why hadn’t I tried to grab the stone? Because of the feeling of her lips on my skin, I swear I was high for a few seconds. I recovered only when she was walking down from my podium. A Glarglaxian charged as if ready to tackle her to the ground. But one of her buddies intervened, sending the Glarglaxian sliding across the shining floor with a single shove.
Alaska stood in a circle with her followers now. She turned and winked one more time. And just like that. With the flash of pink light, she was gone.
-_-_-_-
I called Alyssa immediately after the incident to just let her know how it went. She was mad because I called it “a small fuck up.“ She was a religious woman, so the string of curses and threats of hiring a hit man took me by surprise.
What seemed to be 5 minutes later, she was at the museum, her sugar baby boyfriend in tow. Her first question was, “where the flying fuck where the security?”
As far as I was aware, there was no security. Not one guard was in the room for the whole thing. Turns out, they were all hiding in a closet and smoking up. She fired them immediately. And there was no doubt I would be next.
Then came the talk with Government officials. It was all through holographs but still scary as shit. They were equally as disappointed to hear a group of Celestials had stolen something so powerful. They said the matter of the situation was so grave, the President would most definitely have to hear about it. Not one of the US or some other Earth country Presidents. The President of the Universe. So you could understand why they would rather not.
And instead of deciding amongst themselves what should be done next, they put that on Alyssa. But she was just the manager of a museum. How was that fair? And bless Alyssa and all, but she wasn’t very bright.
Because I couldn’t help but feel somewhat responsible, I piped up, offering to go and find the Revitalization Grain myself. They laughed at first. But upon expressing my knowledge of Celestials and being able to speak their language, they agreed. They would find more people.
And that was it. I was destined to travel the universe.
Of course, I cursed myself for even speaking up. I had never been a part of something like this. And I couldn’t just be like, "Hello, lovelies. Just letting you all know, I’ve changed my mind. Unemployment doesn’t sound that bad.” I drank two bottles of wine that night.
It took a year to prepare for the journey. And in the process, I met my team. Here, have a nice bullet point list I made a̶n̶d̶ ̶s̶l̶a̶v̶e̶d̶ ̶o̶v̶e̶r̶.̶
♡ Shea Couleé: The Captain.
♡ Sasha Velour: the First Mate and executive officer.
♡ Roy Haylock: Chief Officer of the Flight Department.
♡ Ivy Winters and Phi Phi O'Hara: Pilots.
♡ Milk, Kameron Michaels, and Bob: Engineers.
♡ Willam Belli and Courtney Act: Technicians.
♡ Me, Jinkx Monsoon, narcoleptic nerd: Linguist and Historian.
We met up a few times, different planets for each occasion. I’d say our visit to Barcelona (no, not the lovely sunny destination on Earth but the planet) was what solidified our friendships.
But for that whole year, I couldn’t get one person out of my head. And that was Alaska. I thought not much of her while we talked that night at the exhibit. But that fucking kiss on the cheek. That’s what got me. The momentary high, the way I was just frozen as she walked away, robbing us all of the stone. Whenever I remember that night, all I see is her image, like some kind of PowerPoint presentation. And Baby, I love your way plays in my head . Appropriate moment to call me a simp?
-_-_-_-
9872. Present Day
But wait. That doesn’t exactly explain how you all ended up in your current situation!
Shut up. I’m getting there. I just need a wine break.
I find myself in our kitchen. On my way there, I pass Willam and Bob playing ping pong. We went through a phase where we couldn’t decide who was the best and who got to go next. But the fun had long faded away. Same with the karaoke machine. That belongs to me. I must say, if I hadn’t volunteered for this shit, I would have belted out a song and won over an audience years ago. But without getting off-topic; the karaoke machine ain’t fun anymore.
Courtney stood there in the rec room, singing the lyrics that appeared on the screen. Her once electrifying whistle tones brought down to a somber dirge. “If you’ve been waitin’ for fallin’ in love, babe you don’t have to wait on me. 'Cause I’ve been aimin’ for heaven above but an angel ain’t what I need.”
Reaching the kitchen, I pour a glass of wine and look out the window into the far off distance. And all of a sudden, I’m reminded of Alaska, standing in that window, looking classy, sipping her wine, how the glitter on her face shimmered as she turned to look at me.
“What are you smiling at?”
Fuck, Ivy’s here too. She’s sitting on a counter in the corner, eating yogurt. I look away.
“Oh. It’s nothing.” I reply.
“I haven’t seen you smile in a long time.” Ivy points out. “Is it really just nothing.”
“It’s just…something funny from back home.” I lie.
Ivy places the bowl to the side. She’s silent momentarily before her face scrunches up, tears surfacing. For fuck’s sake, curse me and my foot in mouth disease!
I sit next to my best friend as the tears come flooding. I hold her in my arms, letting her know I’m her shoulder to cry on right now. It had been years since Earth was destroyed. But the grief was still fresh for her.
Actually, for the whole team.
I’m considered the lucky one. After all, I had no loved ones left on Earth. But my team? They had families; parents, siblings, partners, children of their own. And now, they’re gone.
How the Earth was destroyed? We tried to figure it out ourselves. But with no answers, we are just wasting away, flying around in Space on our ship. Nowhere to go. No purpose in life.
-_-_-_-
9870. 2 Years ago.
I was high-key worried that a year wasn’t enough time to prepare for this mission. And this thought hit harder upon arriving on the planet Celestia.
Although, we were expecting some sort of barrier, guards, a surprise attack. But there was nothing. Huh.
The place was pretty much just a copy of Earth, except if you took 10 hits of LSD and were pushed into a never-ending hallucinogenic trip. The blue sky was an oceanic hue, clouds glittering, pink trees everywhere like someone just scattered houses and buildings in the middle of a forest. Nearby planets were visible in the sky, the stars shining bright, and I questioned whether it was night or day.
Music pulsated through the air, all different songs playing at once from all different directions; Electronic dance music. I figured that’s why Alaska wasn’t feeling Cher the night of the exhibit.
Upon approaching, Shea quickly noticed that locals weren’t exactly acting how we thought they would. They were excited, cheering, and beckoning us to land. We did so, parking in what I guessed was a parking lot? Except there were no cars.
Exiting Big Debbie, we were distracted momentarily, watching as the Celestials ran around, hand in hand, their spirits high.
But Shea got right to it. “OK! Calm down. Where’s the Revitalization Grain?”
A Celestial approached us, like an animal ready to pounce, and Shea was ready to brawl.
“Just down the street. Take a right. You’ll see a marquee all lit up. It’s just in there. Costs to get in, though.” The Celestial explained.
The fuck? How was everyone on this planet this chilled out?
We all collectively agreed to keep our lasers hidden since they seemed harmless now. But I knew they could pack a punch. I had seen it the night of the exhibition. Better to be safe than sorry.
On the way to the marquee, we bickered over how the hell we were going to even pay. Well, Shea and Sasha mostly. Willam and Courtney were more interested in how attractive the Celestials were. couldn’t blame them.
All the while, I looked around me, hoping to see a certain someone. But then again, if she saw me here, surely she’d know something was up.
Coming to the marquee’s entry line, Sasha managed to get a peek at the front of the line. People were literally paying with anything - false eyelashes, jewelry, scales from their own flesh, fake nails, whatever they had on them.
Roy decided to stay behind, the only thing he thought that would interest them being his rose-tinted sunglasses. And he was not willing to part with them. Over much debating on what we would offer, we agreed that maybe a simple handshake, a sign of peace, would suffice.
We were right. How I wished I could just live there.
When we were in, the deja vu set in. Celestials, humans, and other alien species stood around, sipping wine and talking amongst themselves. The music wasn’t live and provided by Cher. But it played from speakers in the corners, the beats fast and fitting with the environment.
And there, on a podium in the middle of the room, was the Revitalization Grain. Its glow was brighter than the last time I had seen it. The light seemed to travel through the podium and into the ground, like veins running through a human body.
I looked around for Alaska, but she was absent. Damn.
Shea gave the command, and we withdrew our weapons. The once cheerful and friendly atmosphere was brought to a grinding halt as the people began to cower. The rest of the team reassured them everything would be fine if they just stayed put. I approached the podium and lifted the precious stone.
And with that, the light from the podium disappeared, but the stone still shone bright. This was it—time to hit the road.
Everything was going so well. We had gotten back to the ship safely. No one even bothering to attack us.
But before we could get high enough, the ship started to go through what we thought was turbulence. But of course, the Celestial’s decided now was the best time to fight. They were attacking Big Debbie in their own flying pods. There was no way we were going to make it out of the planet alive.
And so we were forced to land in hopes we could fight them off. Disembarking Big Debbie, there was indeed a face-off. My team and the Celestials stood outside; the area around us was more barren and dusty than its main city area.
We were all yelling at each other, not a single word clear enough to understand with the many voices. All I got from the exchange was that we argued they had stolen a rare artifact. They claimed it belonged to them now. It was just back and forth madness.
And then came another pod, this one bigger and more glittery.
And my heart stopped.
It was Alaska.
She exited the pod.
Oooooh, Baby I love your way.
She looked right at me as if she could sense the stone within my satchel.
I smiled shyly, “Hi, Ala- -”
“Jinkx, give me the stone.” She demanded, holding out her hand.
“Ugh…no,” I replied, clutching the satchel strap.
“Jinkx, if you don’t give me that rock…” Alaska growled as she stormed towards me. Shea tried to block her way, but with a simple wave of her hand, Shea was lifted from the ground and thrown back.
Like a dumb ass, I just screamed and took off. I abandoned my poor team, leaving them with the Celestials. But honestly, Alaska at that moment was terrifying. She really did growl. And her eyes were black pits again. Scary stuff, really.
I don’t know how long I ran for, but the sun was scorching, there was no wind or moisture in the air. I just ran and ran until I had no choice but to stop. My legs and lungs burned.
I was doubled over, hands on my knees and panting. I made a mental note to work out more, which I still haven’t done.
Looking behind me, Alaska was nowhere to be seen.
“Wh…What…?” I straightened.
A manicured hand clamped down on my shoulder, spinning me around. It was Alaska. How she had got there was beyond me.
God, she was stunning. Ooooh, Baby I lo - -
She grabbed the strap of the bag tight, which brought me out of my trance. I tugged back. “This is ridiculous! Just give it up, for crying out loud!”
“No. That stone belongs to me!”
“It belongs to the museum!”
“Jinkx, you have no idea what you’re doing!”
“I do! I’m saving my career!”
The strap snapped. And the stone flew out from the bag, flying across the rocky plain. We ran for it. Alaska was slightly faster than me. The only way I could think to reach the stone before she did was to fling myself to the ground like a penguin sliding on ice. And it must have been my lucky day because it worked.
A piece of the stone had broken off. For fuck sake!
“Jinkx. The rock. Now!” Alaska commanded.
I turned, sitting on the ground now, and pointed my laser at her. “Alaska, honey, you know I can’t do that.”
“Stupid human. You need to give me the rock right now. You don’t understand - -”
Over Alaska’s shoulder, I could see the ship in the distance, heading in our direction. Damn, I really did run far.
I bolted for a rocky hill, awaiting the ship’s arrival. And of course, Alaska followed.
“Get back here!” She yelled.
I held the stone tight, shaking my head. Backing up, I felt my stomach tighten. My heel was on the edge of nothing. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw the long drop down and gulped nervously.
“Give me the stone!"
I looked around as Alaska lunged forward. I instinctively threw myself to the side.
And I watched as she fell from the cliff.
"Alaska!” I yelled.
I watched her fall, becoming smaller and smaller.
My mind was blank. I couldn’t even comprehend what was happening. “Fuck…fuck…fuck…”
Before her body could splatter to pieces, her body moved along the plain of land, and shot high up into the sky. “She can fly? Oh…OK. Good.”
She was like a glowy blur, contrasting the oceanarium blue of the sky. A glowy blur that was getting closer and closer. “Oh…OK. That’s not good.”
I looked at Big Debbie. And then to Alaska. And then, Big Debbie. And then, Alaska. A dizzying back and forth. Who would reach me first? I hoped it wouldn’t be the latter. Death didn’t sound too lovely, after all.
“Jinkx!” I heard Ivy yell. Alaska was close, but the ship was closer. I saw Ivy standing in the doorway, hanging on for dear life.
The speed of light that was Alaska was catching up. Fuck. The ship was so close. I was so gross from all the sweat, practically feeling the heat radiating off the approaching Celestial.
And in a matter of seconds, the ship was next to me. Ivy was reaching out a hand. I grabbed it, and my skin could have peeled off from the great force of being dragged into the ship.
I hit the ground and rolled, Ivy quickly shutting the door.
We had no time to celebrate our victory. It was time to get the fuck out of Celestia and keep the stone safe.
-_-_-_-
9872. Present Day
“Yeah, but you tell that story like it’s the wildest shit.”
I snap out of my daze. Shea is in the kitchen now, pouring herself a cup of coffee. I was so involved in telling Ivy my own account of the story, I didn’t realize our Captain entered the room.
“It was the wildest shit. The way Ivy pulled me onto the ship? It was like something out of an old action movie.” I insist.
Ivy’s not upset anymore. She laughed a few times during my storytelling. Good to know I can lighten the mood for her a bit. “Did Alyssa even notice the missing piece?” Ivy asks, tucking a leg under herself.
“No,” I answer. Like I said, Alyssa wasn’t the brightest. But in returning the stone to the museum, I learned she was also one harsh mother fucker. After the long journey back, she basically said, “Thanks for the stone, Jinkx. What you did is so admirable! But also, you’re fired. And one more thing. While ya’ll were gone, the Earth was destroyed. So, good luck trying to find a new home. Bye.”
Well, not exactly word for word. But it might as well have been. Alyssa fired me for “letting the aliens steal the stone,” which was totally stupid. I wanted to sue her for unfair dismissal. But at that stage, what was the point? I just gave the stone over and accepted defeat.
“What a bitch.” Ivy shakes her head.
“I know. She sounds like one of those bitches, you know the ones who take a vacation to a poor country, come back and throw away most of their wardrobe instead of actually doing something to help.” Shea observes. She’s not far off.
“Any other questions?” I ask.
“Yeah, one more. You have a crush on Alaska.” Ivy smirks.
“… That’s not a question.”
“OK, well, 'you have a crush on Alaska.’ True or false?"
"False. Are you nuts? As if.” I lie.
“I mean…” Shea squints her eyes, “You do talk about her some type of way.”
“Well…how do you know I’m not adding to the story? To make it more exciting?” I raise my brows. That’s dumb. That’s my worst lie. I’m terrible at lying, and I know they can see right through me. But they don’t question me further, and I am thankful.
Of course, I like Alaska. What’s not to like? It wasn’t just some plot device I threw into my story for exaggeration. Actually, none of it was exaggerated. Imagine if I told you right now that Alaska didn’t even fly, and she had indeed fallen to her death, and that was the last of it. Would it be considered a sad or happy ending?
She really did fly that day. But part of the story I left out was this; when she went soaring into the sky, that motherfucking Baby, I love your way song played in my head again.
-_-_-_-
I’m in my room now. It’s only 5pm, but my all-over-the-show body clock is saying 'nap time.’ I kick off my boots and fling them into the corner. And before I can even get comfy, in comes the cleaner bot, Tallulah. She’s like a slightly bigger version of Wall-E from the Oscar-winning film Wall-E . But instead of eyes, she has a screen for a face. Therefore she only speaks in symbols. Bless her.
“Hey, girl,” I murmur, feeling a yawn come on.
“ :) ” She says. She hovers over to my tossed boots, picks them up, and carefully places them under my bed. She takes almost a full minute to make sure they are perfectly symmetrical next to each other.
“Thank you, Tallulah. That’ll do.” I say, smiling. But she isn’t leaving. She starts searching the room for something else to clean. I really really want this nap, but from past experience, there ain’t no stopping her.
I think back to earlier in the day when the dark thoughts were getting the better of me. How I thought of ways to destroy her just to live out my intergalactic space domestic fantasy. I regret that immensely. The feeling of loneliness, while being surrounded by people, can sometimes fuck with your head.
“Tallulah.” I pipe up, grabbing her attention.
“ ? ”
“We love ya, gal.”
“ :D ”
I smile and lie down on the uncomfortable bed. You get used to a mattress like this when you’ve been using it for so long.
I close my eyes, hoping sleep will come quick.
“ Hmmm, hmmm hmm, hmmm…falling in love…” God, that karaoke song that Courtney was singing is stuck in my head now.
The ship shudders, and I huff. The light above my head isn’t any help, either. I can only turn it off when Tallulah leaves the room. But I’m guessing that won’t be for another while. Think I’ll just face the wall then.
My eyes are closed for all but 2 seconds when Tallulah taps me on the arm. “Tallulah, it’s nap time.”
She taps again, and so I sigh heavily, letting her know I’m serious. I turn around. And bolt upright.
I have no fucking idea how but Tallulah has somehow found the chipped off piece of Revitalization Grain. “ 😃 ”
“Give me that.” I hold out my hand.
“ 🍬 ”
“Tallulah, that is not candy. It’s very, very precious.”
“ >:( ”
“Look. I traveled so far to get that fucking stone just to lose my goddamn job. I earned that piece.”
“ :( ”
She really isn’t going to give this up. “OK. Fine. You can have it. But, you need to take good care of it. It’s not food. It’s not a toy. And if it falls into the wrong hands, the consequences could be vital.”
“ :D ”
“Glad you’re happy, hon’.”
The ship shakes again, only more violent this time. “Jesus Christ! If we’ve flown into a storm - -”
I nearly hit the wall as the ship shakes even more aggressively.
“ 👁👄👁💧"Tallulah’s screen flashes.
"Go to your room.”
“✅”
We both leave my room, Tallulah hovering down to the left and me towards the right.
I’m jogging my way to the control room, Roy popping out of his own room. “I swear to god. Somebody better be dead.”
The ship jolts. Because we were practically power walking with confidence, we fall the fuck over, right on our faces.
I groan in pain before responding to Roy’s statement. “Jesus, ain’t that a bit much?”
Entering the control room, everyone’s on their feet, rushing around, pressing all sorts of buttons, Shea giving a lot more commands than usual.
“OK. Who’s dead?” Roy asks.
“Do you have to?” I roll my eyes. He only smirks.
“Someone’s trying to get in,” Shea explains.
“Into the ship?” I raise a brow.
“No. Into my panties. Yes, of course the ship!” Shea snaps. Can’t blame her; it was a dumb question. My bad.
I approach Ivy, looking over her shoulder at the screen.
“This is crazy. What do you think it is?” I ask.
“I don’t know. But, from all the ruckus, I’m gonna guess and say it’s huge.”
My stomach is sinking to my ass. “Fuck…”
“It’s kind of exciting, to be honest.” Ivy laughs nervously.
“Which side are we talking, ladies?” Shea cuts off our conversation.
“The South East Side, Captain.” Phi Phi answers.
There’s banging. We all look to the North West side. Not the South East.
“Wow. Whatever it is, it’s fucking fast.” Ivy says.
“Shh. Listen.” Sasha holds a hand up.
There’s scratching sounds now. It’s almost unbearable to listen to like nails on a chalkboard.
We’re all still, just listening, too afraid to speak, unsure of what to do.
“What the fuck is going on??!!” Bob bellows as he enters the room, Milk and Kameron following behind.
“Shut the fuck up,” Shea swears through a harsh whisper.
The three engineers stop dead in their tracks, unsure of what is actually going on.
The scratching has stopped.
The ship is still.
And the silence is haunting.
Even though whatever is on the other side is probably a bloodthirsty creature, craving the taste of our insides; honestly, I’m fucking pumped.
I look to everyone else, but they clearly don’t feel the same. Phi Phi’s skin is pale like she’s looking death right in the eye.
There’s still this silence. And I want to break it. “Do you think - -”
The room is illuminated, and we all collectively flinch. And that feeling of familiarity settles in.
When the light has faded enough for us to look, what I fear (or low-key hope) to happen has happened.
In the middle of the room is a figure, the light slipping away from them to reveal their long blonde messy locks, their long arms, talons for nails…Oh, God…
Their head whips around to look at us. And that stupid Baby, I love your way song plays in my head as they flip their hair over their shoulder.
“Alaska!” I gasp.
She holds up her laser gun, aiming it at us. The others aim their own weapons right back at her.
“None of you could have opened the door? Seriously??” Alaska growls.
“Yeah, because inviting in whatever was fucking with our ship wouldn’t be a stupid move or anything.” Phi Phi sneers.
Alaska stands tall. “I mean, I did fucking knock.”
“Sorry, we didn’t hear it,” Ivy replies apologetically, Shea shooting her a look.
“As if we’d let you in, though.” Shea chimes.
“How rude.” Alaska comments.
I take in her appearance, which has significantly changed since I last saw her. The once strong, tall Celestial is now frail and seems to struggle to even hold herself up. Her once luscious hair is like straw, dry, and lifeless. And the glitter in her skin. It’s gone.
“Why are you even here?” Sasha demands.
“To take back what is mine.” Alaska pants. “Where’s the stone?”
“Jokes on you, girl. We don’t have it anymore.” Roy answered.
Alaska is breathing heavier now, blinking more than usual. “That’s impossible. I was drawn here. I can feel its energy."
The crew is quiet, and I feel like a fucking idiot. Of course, she’s talking about the broken piece that I gave to Tallulah. Maybe this was reality coming back to bite me in the ass that we can’t always have nice things.
No one is saying anything. Therefore, it’s my time to spew some bullshit. "It’s probably just the aura still left over on the ship. There’s nothing here for you.”
Alaska seethes, her body quivering. “So I saved up all my energy - fucking propelled myself across the universe - used whatever strength I had left…all for nothing?!”
I feel bad but won’t let it show. I just nod my head. “Yeah. You kinda did.”
Alaska lowers her weapon, eyes drawn to the ground. At first, she looks in disbelief. Then disappointed. And now her eyes aren’t lifting, her chest heaving.
“If you want, we can fly you back?” Ivy offers, shrugging her shoulders.
Instead of answering, Alaska drops to the ground, out cold.
“Jesus Christ!” Bob steps back.
I’m the only one who rushes to her. I try for a pulse. She’s still alive. A sigh of relief escapes my lips, and I look to the others. “Are you just gonna stand there all day? We need to help her.”
“Do we though?” Roy smirks.
“Yes. We do.” I snap. Looking back at the passed out Celestial, unsure of what to actually do, I poke her on the forehead. “Alaska…?”
She stirs.
Kameron kneels on the other side and scoops her up in his arms.
“Wow - wow - wow. What are you doing?” I demand.
Kameron raises a brow. “Helping?”
He turns to leave the room.
“Yeah, well, be careful with her!” I call after him. Kameron is harmless. But with those muscles and her fragile state, I’m afraid one wrong move, and she’ll snap in half.
“What the fuck is going on?” Phi Phi asks, standing up from her chair.
“I don’t know, but I feel so unprepared. What do we do?” Ivy says.
“Let’s all just calm down.” Shea raises her hands, trying to ward off the team’s anxieties. “Look, we don’t have the stone. We’re not gonna tell her where it is. Therefore, we’re useless to her.”
“More reason for her to kill us,” Willam noted.
“Not if we keep the peace and give her a ride home.” Shea counters.
Too many thoughts whirlwind in my brain right now. Maybe I should just come clean and tell them about the piece of Revitalization Grain. Or maybe not. I feel like the confrontation would be worse.
“I need a smoke.” I don’t even smoke.
“I need a drink.” Phi Phi adds.
“I need to stress masturbate.” Willam groans.
I’m ready to hurl.
-_-_-_-
2 hours later and I’m still on edge. Since Alaska broke in, I’ve had a long-ass shower, napped, ate 2 heaping bowls of cereal, and tried to find Tallulah. If anyone found out about the stone, my ass was grass.
The bot is not in her usual hangouts, which wracks my nerves up to 100—time to try looking through the whole ship.
I search high and low, searching each room I pass. I’m desperate to get this stone back.
“What are you looking for?” Milk passes me.
“Tallulah. I…spilled something”, I answer, the frustration apparent in my voice.
“Someone’s stressed.” Milk comments, continuing on in the opposite direction.
I bite my tongue, knowing full well that a snide remark is on the tip of it.
I find myself at the far end of the ship, where no one really visits too often. It’s just storage and the prison cell. Yes, we have one of those in the case that a criminal boards.
Finally checking said prison cell, I don’t find Tallulah. But I find Alaska. I can feel anger brewing in my chest, knowing this was what Kameron thought would be appropriate. Yes, she broke in, but she is not a threat.
She’s just lying there on the ground, and I feel saddened.
But she looks over her shoulder. I’m glad to see she’s awake.
I enter and stand before the glass barrier separating us. Alaska sits up and turns to me.
“Look what the cat dragged in,” she says.
“The Captain’s set sail. We’re taking you home. Should we expect an attack?” I ask.
Alaska blinks long and hard, looking away in frustration. “I don’t think so.”
“Good,” I say. I could just turn and leave. But my feet are stuck to the ground. I just look down at her, feeling the pity inside. But I must remain firm for my team.
“So, I’m really stuck in this cell for weeks with no entertainment?” Alaska combs a clawed hand through her long hair.
“Well, when you put it that way, I’ll willingly allow you some form of entertainment. You want a book?”
Alaska gags. “I’d prefer music.”
I move to the wall on the left; there’s a switch linked to the sound system that plays through the ship. Music used to play on repeat throughout the place. But when you hear the same songs over and over again, it becomes repetitive. I turn the volume, but not too loud as to disturb everyone else.
Some classical tune plays at random. It was never a favorite, but Alaska seems to not mind.
“You know there’s one moment I can’t ever stop thinking about. It involves you.” She drawls.
“Really?” I let myself smirk, sounding a bit too enthusiastic.
“When you let me fall from that cliff.”
“Oh. OK.”
“I could have died that day.” She continues. “But honestly, as I was falling, I thought… that’s alright… that’s OK. Everyone would know that I was legendary.”
“I would have caught you if my reflexes were better.” I try.
“No, you wouldn’t. Then I would have had the stone.” Alaska counters.
I don’t even try to argue that she’s wrong. I know I’d fucking blurt it out that I found her very appealing and would be pretty sad to know she died. Although, the thought of her reaction was also intriguing.
“You want to join me in here?” She suggests.
“Not terribly.” I lie.
“Are you scared of me?"
"No.”
“Well, I find it kind of rude with the barrier between us.”
She has a point. But the team would tear me a new one.
“Don’t worry. I won’t try to escape.” Alaska raises a brow. “I don’t exactly have the energy right now.”
To be fair, she still seems very sluggish. I give in, scan my key card, and enter the cell. Her eyes follow me as I sit down on the ground next to her.
“At least it’s not cold in here,” I comment.
“I’m pretty cold.” Alaska states.
You wanna cuddle? Nah, I can’t say that. “I’ll find you a heater later.”
“So, Jinkx-y. What have you all been at since we last met?” She’s intrigued.
“Nothing fascinating,” I reply. “Planet Earth was destroyed. We got nowhere to go. No missions. Nothing.”
Alaska looks disappointed with the answer.
“I’m sorry. Were you expecting something a bit more thrilling? Well, the last time something exciting ever happened, before you got here, was a very long time ago.” I continue.
“You have a really negative aura right now.” Alaska comments. “Maybe if you had a little more positivity, you’d find happiness.”
My brows connect. “Well, I’ve never been one of those 'fake a smile’ types. That’s a one way trip to a massive breakdown.”
“Who said anything about faking a smile?” Alaska tests. “If you get out of your head, stop focusing on how boring everything else, then you’ll see what the world has to offer.”
“What are you? A therapist?"
"See, this is what I’m talking about? The negativity. It’s making you more hostile. So different to the Jinkx I met back in the museum.” Alaska’s eyes squint as she analyzes me further. “And no, I’m not a
therapist. If you didn’t notice before, it’s just my people are a very positive bunch. Give us a Tsunami; we’ll make a water slide out of it. Give us a house fire; we’ll toast marshmallows and have one hell of a party.”
I know I could never reach that level of chill. But I find it admirable.
“Jinkx, how old are you?” Alaska asks.
The question catches me off guard, but I answer anyway. “33 years old.”
“Wow. You’re like…way younger than I thought you’d be.” Alaska’s brows raise in surprise.
“Are you saying I look old?"
"I was going to guess late 40’s.”
“Oh, wow. Thanks.” The sudden urge to leave and go find some more wine is strong. Actually, maybe that’s what has clearly aged me.
“Late '40s is still young, girl. But early 30’s. That’s really, really young. Practically still a child.” Alaska comments.
“You have a really warped concept of age,” I note. “How old are you then? You gotta be younger than me, at least.”
“Far from it. I’m actually 2099 years of age. Just about to get into my 2100’s."
I’m shocked. Only then, when she states her age, do I remember that Celestials live for a very, very, very long time. But still. I never imagined she’d be 2 millenniums old.
"I forgot you humans only have less than 100 years.” Alaska plays with her hair again. “Which is why I find it sad you’re just sitting here wasting what remaining time you have. You have so much to experience. A lot to learn. You just gotta open your eyes.”
“Huh, you’re not wrong.” I click my tongue. “OK, so let me know more about you."
Alaska looks flattered.
"Why the name 'Alaska’? I’m guessing your parents had an interest in Earth?”
“I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. Just because I like you.” Alaska says coyly, making me blush. “It’s not my real name.”
“Oh, cool. What is your real name then?” I lean forward, enthusiastically.
“I’d rather not say.”
“OK.” I don’t press her. “Does anyone know your real name?” I don’t want to feel left out.
“Of course they do. But for specific and appropriate reasons. I’d just much rather be referred to as Alaska. And what about you? Why Jinkx with a 'k.’” Alaska lies on her side, propping her head up with a hand.
“I don’t know. My Mom liked it, I guess.” I also lie on my side, and I just smile at her.
“Jinkx Jenner fan?” Alaska asked.
I shook my head. “I have no clue. Honestly, she wasn’t very present for my childhood. I never had the chance to find out.” I see the sorrowful look on her face. And I regret taking the conversation to a dark place. Before she can ask about the rest of my family, I take a turn and ask a question. “So like…are you broke or something? I’m guessing that’s why you wanted the stone so bad.” I smirk.
“What do you mean?” Alaska’s brow raises.
“The marquee. You were charging people to see the stone.”
“Oh, that . I guess that was just a perk. Not really different from people paying to see it in the museum.” Alaska explains, her smile slowly fading. “But no, that’s not the real reason.”
With a sigh, she sits up again, leaning her back against the wall. Her chest heaves, eyes looking upward. It’s like she’s avoiding me, or the topic. I’m unsure of which one.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“It's…” she pauses like she’s trying to find words. And then she sighs through her nostrils. “It doesn’t matter.”
Concern takes me over. I sit up and move towards the wall beside her. “Hey, it’s OK. You can say it. It’s just me.” I say as if she’s known me for years. I don’t know why I said it. I guess I just really want her to trust me.
Alaska avoids my eyes. “I really can’t. It could be dangerous for Glamtron.”
“Glamtron?"
"Yes, my planet.”
“You mean Celestia?”
“No. Glamtron.”
“…”
“…”
“Alaska, you’re from Celestia.”
“No, it’s called Glamtron.”
“Says who?”
“I do. I renamed it.”
My head cocks to the side. “ You renamed it?”
“Yes. I do have the power and the authority to do that, after all."
My eyes widen. "Wait a minute. Are you saying…”
“Yes, I am the Queen. Alaska Thunderfuck from the planet Glamtron.” She says so proudly. “So, yes. I really did rename it to Glamtron.”
I don’t even care about the name change any more. I’m just…beyond shocked. Here, I am; Jinkx Monsoon, a space nerd, sitting with royalty.
"Fuck. I just… don’t know how to act all of a sudden.” I say.
“Well, I’m not looking very Queenly right now. Just see me as Alaska from the exhibit for now."
"I know, but… I’ve studied Celes - -” Alaska shoots me a look, “Glamtron before. There’s never been any mention of an Alaska before. And you’ve been alive for so long. How…” I trail off, not knowing how to even finish my statement.
“Because Alaska isn’t my real name.” She says as if I should have remembered that. I thought she would have been happy to know I forgot.
“Well.” I pause. “I hate to ask, but what do they refer to you as?”
She licks her teeth like she’s slightly frustrated. “OK. Fine. But you gotta promise to always call me Alaska.”
“Cross my heart.” I place a hand over my heart to seal the deal.
“OK.” She looks to the door as if afraid anyone will just wander in. Then she looks at me, leans in close, and whispers, “My name is actually Thriks.”
My first thought is, 'Oh, yikes. That is kinda awful.’ But now I’m thinking back to my reading. And I am definitely familiar. The Queen Thriks was known as a wild party animal, yet a loving and caring mother-like figure. She was always so strong for her people and went out of her way for them, making sure everyone was in high spirits. Because of her loving nature, she was to go down in history as one of the most adored Queens of Celestia.
“I have read about you,” I say quietly.
“And you’re little history books and articles. Do they still call it Celestia?” Alaska stretches the ’s’ in Celestia out.
“Uh, huh.”
“If I was a different person, I’d sue."
But we’re getting off track. I need answers. "Well…I could write about you? I’d write you as Alaska . I’d call it Glamtron . I’d make everything right if you help me."
Alaska bats her lashes. "You’d do that for me?”
“Yes!” I exclaim, grabbing her hand.
“Hmmm…” she brings a finger to her mouth, thinking, “I can’t wait for the part where I robbed the museum. I’m sure there will be some bitterness in those words.”
She’s kind of right. Yeah, I’m having a good time talking with her. But she did kind of cost me my job. I purse my lips as the classical song ends, transitioning to something from the 1980s.
“Alaska, why did you take the stone?” I ask again.
She’s silent again, pretending to be distracted by the catchy Madonna music.
“Alaska, I need to know if I’m going to write your story."
She stops bobbing her head, huffing put through her nostrils. "Jinkx, I really can’t.”
“Why not? You told me your name.”
“Because that’s different.”
“How?”
“Because it’s dangerous.”
“Why?” My tone becomes more demanding.
“Because it just is,” Alaska replies, her tone the same.
“For who? Us? Are we in trouble?”
“No! For my people.”
“So…you don’t trust me?” I ask in an accusing manner. Seems a bit emotional blackmail-ish, but I’m desperate to know.
“I do trust you, Jinkx. But I can’t say the same for your team.” She says with venom.
“My team are good people!” I say. “They have never caused any harm.”
“They terrified my people that day.” Alaska countered. I figure she’s talking about the day we arrived in Celestia.
“And how is that any different to the night of the exhibit?"
"Because unlike you all, we had a good reason.”
“And that is?”
“Jinkx, you’re really really starting to piss me off.”
“Don’t ignore the question. What am I going to do? Go out and tell my big bad teammates? Why would I do that if I have no idea what the consequences are?”
“Because we’re vulnerable, Jinkx!” Alaska shouts. Her volume causes me to shrink away. She’s gritted her teeth, kneeling on her knees and towering over me now. I’m actually scared.
“Look at me!” She presses her hands against her chest. “I’m fucking dying! My planet is dying. My people are dying!”
In my moment of shock, as Alaska looks down on me, pieces of the puzzle come together in my head.
Thriks; the loving Queen who went out of her way for her people.
The attack on the museum.
The Revitalization Grain.
The one thing that brought restoration and reincarnation.
“You wanna save them,” I speak through a whisper.
With a sigh, Alaska sinks back to the ground. Her head lowers, blonde hair covering her face.
“Jinkx, the stone is of Glamtron origin. It was lost 300 years ago, in the middle of the war with the Holoxyans. For so long, we were wasting away, trying to build up our own energy to keep ourselves alive. And from just laying around, we were just dying anyway. And I had no idea what to do. I didn’t know how to save them.” Alaska’s voice cracks. “For years, I had to watch as many gave what little energy they had left to my team and me. Just so we could go find the stone.”
I’m horrified as realization hits; I’ve brought doom to an entire planet.
“Please, I don’t want anyone other than us to know,” Alaska states firmly. “Glamtron has no defense. If someone knows how vulnerable we are, it makes us a prime target for invasion. The Holoxyans. They will attack.”
I move close to her again. I resist the urge to throw my arms around her, now aware of literally how fragile she is. I take her hand graciously; my own eyes must be glistening. “Alaska, I’m so sorry.”
She puts her other hand on top of mine. “I do trust you, Jinkx. I’m just…terrified.”
“I know. I know.” I say quietly.
Alaska hasn’t shed any tears. They were right when they said Thriks was a strong bitch. I held back my own tears, fearing it would be selfish.
“So, no. It’s not because I’m broke.” Alaska comments. And I nervous laugh. She laughs too. “You promise this stays between us?” She looks me in the eye.
Is it inappropriate to say at this moment I’m just smitten by the dark irises? “I promise.” I squeeze her hands reassuringly.
“Great.” She nods. And she leans forward, kissing me on the cheek.
I could fucking melt. The high must be kicking in again because the lights are dimming, there’s some sort of pink aura emerging, the music is louder, and Alaska feels warm.
She pulls away. I expect a smile. But she’s looking around her as if she’s experiencing the same thing.
“Alaska, look.” I point to her wrist. She looks just in time to see something glitter under her skin, like sparkly pink blood flowing through her veins.
She’s looking at me now like something has just hit her in the head like a brick. I don’t know what, so I just stare back in confusion. “What’s - -”
I’m cut off as she grabs my face.
And she kisses me again.
On the lips.
Suddenly, I know what pink glitter tastes like, even though I’m pretty sure there is no taste. Her kiss is so gentle, which I do not expect from her. She’s lifted a hand to my cheek, stroking a nail along my skin. And I hope this is a sign she’s not just in it for some nice colors floating around the air. I feel this spark, and it will kill me if she doesn’t feel it too. Upon having this thought, I wrap my arms around her tiny waist. The butterflies in my stomach are going wild, my heart is pounding so hard, yet all I can focus on is the soft feel of her lips.
She pulls away, and I almost pull her back in. But I’m taken aback by the room now . Like, am I tripping right now, or are there really purple fireflies floating around?
Alaska’s looking around in awe as well. I guess it’s not the cosmic-high feeling from her kiss.
“Well, that’s never happened before.” Alaska looks back to me with a smirk. The holographic glitter has resurfaced, decorating the sides of her face.
And her hair, almost pale white, longer and thicker. I can’t help but run my fingers through it. Never has hair felt silkier to me.
She’s glancing down at my hand, still playing with her locks. “I feel…alive again.” She breathes out a laugh, pulling away from me, admiring the healthy color of her skin, the glittery fluid coursing through her.
I look away, noting how the floaty lights remain. But the hit is gone. So this is real. There really are tiny glowy orbs floating around us.
"Wow. What is this song?” Alaska asks, moving her body to the rhythm of the music. The 1980s song has long ended. Instead, the song Courtney was singing earlier plays.
“I’ll have to find that out for you. You’d think I’d know it. We’ve heard it so many damn times now. It’s kind of annoying.” I laugh.
“Why do you think that?"
"It’s just…too depressing, I guess. I mean, listen to the words.”
“This is what I’m talking about. Don’t focus on what’s black and white. Listen to the music.” Alaska turns to face me, her long arms rippling to the tune.
I don’t want to be an annoying son of a gun and ruin the tender moment for us, so I take her advice and really listen to the music.
“Not anyone, you’re the one, more than fun, you’re the Sanctuary,
'Cause what you want is what I want, Sincerity.”
My eyes are closed, and my body is swaying. And I’m feeling it. Like the music is flowing through me. “Hey. I think you’re right.”
“See?” I open my eyes to see her move toward me. She takes my hands in hers. And we spin in a slow circle.
“Souls that dream alone lie awake, I’ll give you something so real.”
As the chorus kicks in, the dance has picked up a pace. I don’t even know what kind of dancing this is. Let’s say a mix of slow dancing and ballroom. And I laugh when she spins me around. I try to return the gesture, but she’s too tall, and I nearly knock her in the face. I’m embarrassed for a few seconds, but she’s laughing. And it makes me feel less like an idiot.
I can’t keep up this pace; I’m falling so hard right now. I slow myself down, hoping she gets the hint.
“Hold me oh so close, 'cause you’ll never know just how long our lives will be.”
I wrap my arms around the small of her back, pulling her to me. I can see the small floaty lights reflecting in her dark eyes. And now it’s my turn to kiss her. I’m really, really falling hard.
I could stay like this forever, rocking side to side, just kissing Alaska. But reality has to come back and creep into my brain, doesn’t it?
I know this won’t last. We’ll eventually have to part when we leave her back to her dying planet, and my team and I will continue on wasting away.
I stop kissing her to get another look at those eyes, and she lays her head on my shoulder. We continue to sway side to side. And the thought of letting go is making all kinds of negative emotions surface. Am I glad for this moment? Oh, absolutely. If she hadn’t broken in, I’d still be in my room, either sleeping or waiting for Tallulah to finish cleaning.
“Wait…” I say.
“What is it?” Alaska speaks into the crook of my neck.
“I…” I pause, “OK, don’t get mad. But I kinda lied to you.” She lifts her head at this. “You were right about sensing the stone. The truth is I have a piece.”
Her eyes widen. “I knew I felt it.”
“It’s small. But it’ll give you more strength.” I suggest with raised brows.
“No. I have enough right now. I don’t know how but…you ignite something in me, I guess. As for the stone, I know a few people back home who could use it more.” Alaska suggested.
“Well, good. Wait here.” I give her a small kiss. “I’ll be back in a second.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t be going anywhere.” She calls as I leave the cell.
I’m too buzzed to search every damn room. I just search for the nearest human who will provide me with answers. I find two in the security room. Ivy and Courtney.
“Which one of you whores have seen Tallulah?” I ask, peaking my head in.
“Not me.” Courtney answers. She’s got a smirk on her face, and I know somethings up.
“Me neither. But we’ll tell you what we did see.” Ivy gestures to the 5th screen, showing Alaska still dancing around in her cell.
My eyes widen. “You were spying on us?”
“Not our intention. We thought we’d keep an eye on things in case something happened.” Ivy then laughs. “And I guess it did.”
The shame takes me over, and my face flushes with shame and embarrassment. “Oh, for God’s sake.”
“I actually think it’s adorable. Very Romeo and Juliet.” Courtney coos.
I roll my eyes. This is all incredibly immature. But I know they’re not going to just let it go. “OK, kids. I’ll let you have your fun. But it stays between us. Anyway, where’s Tallulah?”
“We told you. We don’t know.” Courtney replies. “Try her closet.”
“OK.” I turn to leave, not before turning and pointing at the two. “Remember; it stays between us 3.”
“You got it, girl.” Ivy smirks.
I waste no more time with them and rush to the cleaning room, which just so happens to be at the end of this corridor, just around the corner. My pace is so quick, I almost trip.
Upon getting to the door, I’m thankful to find Tallulah is here but shut down. “Tallulah?"
No response. I clap my hands 2 times as if it’ll bring her to life. It’s never worked before, so I don’t even know why I tried.
When she doesn’t power up, I roll my eyes, grabbing a bottle of disinfectant from the shelf and dropping it on the ground.
Tallulah is up and running in a matter of seconds.
"No. Stop.” I move forward to stop her from going to the bottle. “Tallulah, I have a huge favor to ask.”
“ :0 ? ”
“You remember that glowy thing I gave to you?”
“👍”
“Good. Where is it?”
A box on her build opens, revealing the chipped off piece of Revitalization Grain. But I can’t just take it.
“Well, that’s good that you haven’t lost it. Can I have it back, please?”
“ :( ”
“OK, it’s not that I want it. I need it.”
“ >:( ”
I’m serious. There’s no time to argue.“
” 🤬💢🖕🗣🔫🚫✖❗ “
I lick my teeth beneath my pursed lips, realizing this isn’t going to be as easy as it seemed.
"Look, Tallulah, I know you like it. It’s pretty. It’s glowy. I get it.” I soften my tone. “But there are people out there who are dying. A lot of people. But this tiny little stone? It can help them get better. If you give it back to me, you’re saving the lives of so many. You could be a hero.” My brows raise.
“…”
Wow, talk about being left on read.
“ 🆗️ ”
“Yes. Jesus Christ! Thank you!” I quickly hug her. She hands me the small stone, and I pat her on the head. “You’re a lifesaver. Literally.”
“ 🤺 ”
Not sure what she meant by that one, but I leave her to it. I hold the small rock tight in my hand, seeing its glow seep through the gaps in my fingers. And I can’t believe that there’s a chance we can help Alaska save Glamtron. Even if I can’t be with her, I would feel better knowing everything is better back on her planet.
I pass the kitchen and stop dead in my tracks. Shea’s all alone, just staring out at the window. Fuck. I can feel it. The dread creeping up.
“Captain,” I address her. It feels weird calling her that. She’s just been 'Shea’ for a long time now. But with the new task, I guess it’s only appropriate.
She looks away from the window, taken by surprise. “Jinkx, you scared me.” She sniffs, quickly wiping at her eyes. Fuck, this isn’t good.
I walk into the room. “You feeling OK?”
She sighs. “Yeah, I guess I will be.”
She goes back to looking out the window. Standing next to her, I follow her gaze. And I immediately recognize the area.
Large masses of rock float around in the distance. Remains of the Earth.
I purse my lips for a moment, trying to make sense of it. I almost feel confused by what I’m looking at. I know what happened, but it still feels…unfamiliar. “You’d think someone would clean this mess up,” I say.
“No. This is a graveyard, Jinkx. It has to stay.” Shea states.
“Fair enough.”
We continue to stare, like we’re in some sort of trance, watching the pieces float around.
“Wanna hear something funny?” Shea asks, giving me a sad smile.
The mournful aura is weighing down on both of us. Something funny right now would be great. “Yeah, of course.”
“As soon as she broke in, I knew it was our chance—a new purpose. Finally, for the first time in a long, long time, we get to do our thing. And I was…so fucking excited. I couldn’t fucking wait.” She laughs.
I don’t find it funny, but her happiness is making me happy.
But her smile drops. And I know now when she said if I wanted to hear something funny, it wasn’t going to be funny at all.
“But then what? What happens after we leave Celestia?” She asks, looking at me with wet eyes.
Nothing happens. We go back to the same old shit and hope that something good happens.
Shea must’ve been holding back a sob because she chokes, grabbing my attention. She covers her mouth as if it will hold back the other ones.
“Hey, it’ll be fine.” I grab her free hand.
But my words are meaningless. I don’t know if it will be OK or not. So I hug her hoping it’ll help some.
She whispers in my ear, “I just want my family.”
I’m devastated. I really am the lucky one. Who knew being abandoned by my own mother at such a young age could be such a blessing? Because this anguish Shea is expressing? It’s soul-destroying.
She cries into my shoulder some more, and I run my thumb along the back of her shoulder. I can’t even tell her it’s alright. Because I know it won’t be.
I look at the stone in my hand, still hugging Shea. If only this stupid glowy thing could restore the life of this ship. If only it brought back the good times, the adventure, the danger.
I continue to stare at the stone. And I have no idea why, but something I thought about earlier resurfaces.
The loving Queen who went out of her way for her people.
“Fuck.” I whisper.
“I’m sorry.” Shea sniffles, lifting her head. She dabs her eyes with her pinky.
“It’s not you. It’s - -” I begin. But I fail to find words to explain my thought process.
All I can say is I know what I need to do now.
I look at my Captain for what will probably be the last time. “Shea, when the time is right, come find me.”
“What?”
“You’ll know what I mean.”
I pull away from her and go to leave the room, her voice calling after me. But I don’t listen. I need to do this.
-_-_-_-
Alaska stands as I enter the room. I pull the stone from my pocket, and she’s already drawn.
“Fuck, you weren’t kidding when you - -”
I cut her off with a kiss, something to give her more energy. I don’t know how much she’ll need to make it to the escape pod, but hopefully, this should do it.
I pull away. “Change of plan, hon’. You wanna rob the museum?”
“What?” Her brows cross.
“I’m gonna make things right - I’m gonna get the Revitalization Grain back, we’re gonna take it back to Glamtron. And I don’t care if that makes me some sort of intergalactic space villain. When the time comes, we’re gonna fight for your planet.” I babble, and only when I finish do I realize how nuts I sound.
Alaska’s blinking, as if struggling to comprehend everything I just said. “Jinkx, you know the stone? You know it’s called the Glitter Bomb, right? And before you argue, yes, I named it that.”
I roll my eyes, adoring her dorky side. And I hand over the piece of the stone. If we’re getting the glitter bomb - as she calls it- she might as well have this piece now.
As soon as it’s in her hand, she’s glowing. It’s breathtaking.
She’s breathtaking.
“Come on. We need to get to an escape pod quick.” I take her hand.
“No need. I say we take the quicker way.”
“And that is?”
She wraps her long arms around my waist. “You better hang tight.”
And in a matter of seconds, light envelopes us. And the atmosphere changes. We’re outside. If it wasn’t for my trust in her, I’d panic at the thought of suffocating. But I can breathe, and I know it’s one of her quirks.
We’re blasting at the speed of light, passing many planets and stars that would take weeks to pass. And I wonder if people on other planets are looking up at us right now, thinking we’re a shooting star and making wishes.
Speaking of wishes, I kind of wish I could see what’s happening back at the ship. I can just picture it. The sight of Alaska and I whooping by the windows, Shea realizing what’s going on, giving commands and ordering everyone to get a move on. Ivy trying to figure out where we went, giving her plenty of searching to do. Milk, Kameron, and Bob working on kicking the ship back into action. Everyone just running around, trying to shake the energy back into themselves.
'Cause they have a new purpose now. I am their enemy. And that couldn’t make me happier. Because I know they’ll be thankful for giving this to them, something we all had been waiting for.
But what makes me happier, more than anything, is that I’m here with Alaska. We’re going to save Glamtron, the planet formally known as Celestia. We’re going to protect it at all costs.
And, most importantly, I’m going to be with her for the rest of my life.
#rpdr fanfiction#jinkx monsoon#alaska thunderfuck#ivy winters#shea coulee#courtney act#bianca del rio#jalaska#fluff#sci fi#angst#hurt/comfort#lesbian au#head in the clouds#grinder#concrit welcome
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S L A Y E R S, a novel by margarita p. g.
CHAPTER 00 - OLIVER
For being under Marco’s wing for a few weeks now, Oliver still hasn’t managed to master “the art of repair” even a little bit. He’s realized, instead, that he really isn’t good at this, that his nimble hands that once, in his younger years, served him for pickpocketing, for dumbkres with his mates, don’t work for handing tiny bot parts. It sucks, really… Marco thought Oliver would be of some use. And Oliver did, too. A part of him, a small part, maybe hoped that this stay would be permanent.
But, like all things in his life, it soon proved to be nothing but momentary. He realized this on a burning hot summer morning, when the sun was high and the sulfur in the air even higher. He was only getting used to the life in Bajo then, trying to find a place amongst the renegades and runaways, and the many generations and cultural legacies found within the ancient walls of his new tiny town. The locals knew him as escurridizo, a nod to his late night appearances literally anywhere in town… he had the ability to slip out of where he was and be somewhere else in what looked like seconds. Lightning speed. Faster than a teleporter. Some people even thought he was one. He very much was not. That much he knew.
Oliver woke up late that June morning, to the high-pitched whirring of centuries-old engines. He had hoped to get some rest after his rendezvous with Rory last night. But, as the heroes in video games would say, duty called. So, he got himself out of bed, put his sandals on, helped himself to burnt toast and already cold coffee, and headed to the taller.
There lay Marco, working on his new project: the restoration of a humanoid bot found by some archeologists a couple of miles from here. It was clearly a very, very old model, and Marco had been promised a very large sum of money if he restored it back to working condition. Maybe the archeologists were planning to take it to a museum or a college or something like that, Oliver thought.
It was very large, probably over three meters tall, and had a masculine shape. To Oliver, it looked like the military droids he saw on films.
The military humanoid death machine thing lay with its stomach part open on the table, and by the smell of coltan in the air, Oliver knew Marco was dealing with the motherboard. It was definitely from the 22nd century, maybe early, when they still put moderboards on the torso and not the head. Marco had his microglasses on, and was very intently working on opening something really really small. There was soft jazz music playing somewhere, which, mixed with the birds chirping and the sound of schoolboys close, painted a picture in Oliver’s head that resembled a time when everyone was still together and life was easy. He let the memory wrap him under.
An order from Marco pulls him back to reality. “Hey, nene,” he says, not even a hello beforehand, “can you check this wiring for me please?”
Without a word, Oliver walked over to the table, where the chemical smell is almost uncomfortable, and looked at the tangle of loose wires on the open motherboard. They were color coded, thank god. To Oliver, non-colored coded wires were the reason God left the Earth. Marcus and him always took hours to set them right. Almost instantly, he got a vague idea of how the circuits should go. They were like magnets, and he could feel where one ended and the other began, the many channels of energy running through the bot’s body, like blood rushing down veins. He had an instinct for this sort of things, a sixth sense, and it was hardly ever wrong. Oliver knew this wasn’t exactly normal, he knew it since he was a kid and could feel the many forces coming onto him way more than other people could, but he was not a might. Or at least, not a bolter (he’d already tried; sparks never came out of his palms). Whatever he was, he never gave it much thought. It would not do him good, especially not in this country.
Trusting his weird instinct, Oliver got to work, ordering Marco what went where, offering clear directions and vague explanations. Marco didn’t mind. To him, this boy was some sort of wizard, and not the “evil” kind. He did the work because he knew how to. If Oliver did it himself, he might as well cause a short circuit so strong it left the whole town with no power for a few hours. Oliver never understood why things like this seemed to happen, he guessed the wires just hated him.
Thus, they fell into a steady rhythm of work, sorting circuits out, monotone actions, with problems coming up as they went along, which they solved together. Oliver and Marco were a good team in that sense, Marco’s vast knowledge mixing with Oliver’s knack for improvisation to come up with increasingly creative solutions. These came naturally to Oliver. No one had ever given him a book on how to life, so everything he’d learned, he learned it by doing. By figuring things out, just like they were at that moment. Maybe he could be of use there, he thought. The idea of having a place to stay, even if he didn’t realize it then, gave him comfort.
Time passed quickly when you were at work, and soon it was time for lunch. Marco called a break, and Oliver lifted his head from the wiring of the bot’s eyes that he was attempting to figure out.
“Hungry?” Marco asked. Oliver nodded. He was, indeed, starving, and had been for a while, but with the task in front of him, it had been a second thought in his mind.
“Alright, then, uhhhh” Marco thought out loud. “Mara won’t be home until tonight, and there’s nothing from last night”.
Bummer, Oliver thought. Would they have something to it until Mara came back? There were days like this, when Aymara, Marco’s wife, was out working twelve hours at the rest stop outside of town. They had to do with whatever leftover there was from breakfast.
“So, we’re eating crackers, then?” Oliver asked, defeated.
Marco’s eye brightened up, his torso straightening up a little. “Actually, I think there’s some money in my bedroom. Go get yourself a mixto or whatnot, kid.”
Oliver practically springed to his feet and rushed to Marco’s bedroom. Indeed, there was money in his dresser, enough to buy two mixtos and maybe a sugary. With that, Oliver rushed out of the house and into the secluded Clovel Street.
The sun burned his skin, and he definitely should not have been out in this weather, but he was hungry and Lala’s tiny shop in the corner was open. There were a few neighbors having tartitas, who said hi to him. He went up to Arpy, the AI assistant, and ordered two mixtos, one for Marco and one for him. They would be ready in ten.
Oliver sat on the counter, watching Arpy put the mixtos in the toaster, and looked out the door, where there was a small stray dog trying to catch a fly. That was when he saw him.
His stare froze Oliver’s blood, made him paralyze all over. There was something about it…. something stomach-turning, revolting, repulsive, wrong. Like the man had crossed all of Oliver’s boundaries. It felt like a violation, but Oliver didn’t know of what. Or even how.
He wanted to run away. As far as his legs allowed him. That’s what his mind told him to do, that the man was a predator just like the MIMIC or the police. But his body told him otherwise. His body told him to stay; he felt a pull to the man like those of his wires, he did not care what fate met him there, what the man might bring him, he just had to go. It was impertinent, urgent. Now.
Yet, he stayed seated, watching his mixtos slowly get browner and cheesier, focusing on repelling that driving instinct within him, that… whatever he was doing to him. Sweat rolled down his brow and the people of the shop were completely unfazed or perhaps even unaware of whatever was going on between him and the man down the street, what strange energetic transaction was taking place Because it felt like that. It felt like electrons pushing down orbitals and moving, shifting, mixing, reacting, exploding. He felt like that: like a nuclear bomb that would go off if the man didn’t do anything about it first. He tried breathing. He tried focusing on anything else, on the smell of the food or the sound of cheese burning or the conversations taking place behind him. Nothing worked.
When his mixtos were ready, he grabbed them and rushed outside, without even saying goodbye. Without thinking, he crossed the street, to the man. It felt eternal. And the man’s eyes…. they followed him. Wide and large and dark, open, focused… they felt, to Oliver, that they were feeding on his energy.
Oliver let out a shaky breath when he got to him. He was at least a head taller than Oliver, could crash him in a split second, and very, very dark. His demeanor was unexpectedly calm. His eyes loosened for a bit, and Oliver was terrified for a half second. Then, his large hand wrapped over Oliver’s frail arm, and he hitched a breath in fear. He could not form words. The energy-sucking man started walking him down the street in double time. How is no one seeing this? Oliver thought.
He wanted to ask so many things, who are you, where are you taking me, leave me alone, I have to get back home, but he couldn’t. If he did, what would this guy do to him? He was scary, villain-level scary. So, Oliver just went along. He got thrown into the back of a white transport. There was a brunette woman on the shotgun seat. Her eyes looked even more threatening than the man’s.
They were kidnapping him. God, they were going to throw im on the sea or on a deep pit and let him die there. Immediately, Oliver started thinking up escape plans. He could still run. The didn’t bind his hands with anything. Dumbasses.
The man got in the car. The woman was clutching her head, as if she had a migraine. They were discussing something, Oliver realized. But they were not talking. They were doing it through looks. Can she communicate with him in some sort of eye language? Or is it telepathy?
After a while, they both settled down and looked at him. Oliver was going to run. But he also couldn’t. Something kept him from running and this time it wasn’t any of their looks.
“Sorry about that” the man said, “it’s pretty terrifying, i know, trust me”
What the hell? Oliver thought. He was apologizing to him?
“I’m Drake, by the way” he said, with a smirk and friendly eyes. Oliver wanted to vomit.
“And I’m Alyx” the woman said. Her eyes were warm and heavy-lidded, and Oliver had a feeling he should stay as far from her as she could.
There was a beat of silence. “Who… Who are you and what… why…?” Oliver tried to speak, tried to form questions, but he didn’t know where to start.
“Um, in short, kid,” Drake said, shifting in his seat. He opened his mouth, closed it again. “Okay, so: We are from the Cali Might Army. I’m Lieutenant Colonel Drake Emerson and she’s Officer Alyx Warren. That’s the important thing”.
Oliver gaped in awe at them. They were the Might Army. He had never met them, no one has, but he has certainly heard of them; in late night horror stories and headlines detailing tragedies. People spoke of them as violent, relentless insurgents who would abuse of their monstrous abilities to overtake the country. They almost seemed too powerful to be real. They couldn’t be real. This couldn’t be real. Is it a prank?
Alyx looked at Drake. “He’s very confused, he’s saying… it’s a prank or something, um…”
Oliver panicked. Immediately he tried to open the door, tried to break the window, anything to get away from this… woman. She was reading his thoughts! Has she always been doing that? He didn’t even feel it, she just walked into his mind without even asking for permission.
Drake reacted immediately, moving to pin him down, stop him. Oliver was on fire, his legs kicking to get away, powerless against Drake’s weight, screaming and panting and crying, he only now realized he was crying.
“Oliver!” Alyx yelled. “Oliver. Please. Please calm down, I don’t want to calm you down, please don’t make me calm you down.” She was as panicked as he was. Oliver just failed to form curses at her and kept kicking. He was not going to calm down. He was going to get away, these people couldn’t mean well. He had to get back to Marco, to the work, have lunch.
But he would never get there.
With Drake Emerson pinning him down and Alyx Warren in his mind, plus the thousand questions that grew by the second, he would never get there. Ever.
After a while, Oliver sat in the car seat, unmoving and breathing heavily, powerless. Alyx and Drake were in their seats, panting. Alyx let out a curse.
“Listen,” Drake said, softly, calm, “we won’t hurt you. Really.”
You already have, Oliver thought. “Then… why are you doing this? Why are you taking me?” he asked over shaky breaths.
“Because,” Alyx started, voice trembling, “You have a very strange ability that no one has ever had before, and you might really, really, be of help for us.”
Oliver wasn’t sure he was breathing anymore.
Alyx continued. “So, you’re coming with us, because, if you don’t, then someone else will take you, and you won’t be safe and neither will the world.”
TAGLIST (ask to be added/removed!): @andromdae @rapunzelles @herondalelucies @posideon @mayaeri @vicisse @pnstaudt @themillionthdraft @ditzysworld @vandorens @partheneos
#mine#wip: slayers#hope yall didnt forget about her#idk if the read more worked...#violetvineyard#also sorry if u didnt wanna be on the taglist cdjnhfnvh#i made it months ago#slayers: chapter 00
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Communication Is The Key
Another contribution to @rhodeyappreciationweek��‘s Rhodeyweek2020. Hope you all enjoy it. Also, those idiots. I swear it was not my fault! Prompts:
Engineer
Yearning
“Stop that.”
Relationship: Ironhusbands (Rhodey/Tony)
Word count: 1967
Chapter warning: Rhodey and Tony being dumb, crying Summary: For a long time now, Rhodey had been in love.Dumb luck that his sweetheart couldn't be in love with him, right?The airman visits Tony, feelings ensure. Ao3-Link: Communication Is The Key
(or read below the cut)
Late, between the witching hour and sunrise, the Malibu lab was unoccupied for once. Tones was asleep in his bedroom, Rhodey had made sure of that when he finally arrived. He knew he was late, later than they had planned, and it didn’t sit well with him that on their one set annual meeting his leave took longer to be approved than normal.
As soon as the airman had all his papers in order, he had been out of the station and into the next plane, which of course got delayed as well. Had everything gone according to plan, he would have been here early yesterday morning. As it was, Rhodey arrived late enough that JARVIS didn’t even wake Tones, and so he just put away his suitcase in the guestroom right next to Tony’s.
For a short moment, he sat on the far too big, far too soft bed his best friend insisted on providing for him. Whenever he came back from base, or really just from any other place he’d ever slept, he was once again confronted by the difference between this bed and all those others. When people asked him how it was to always babysit the playboy millionaire, the airman simply snorted and walked away. It was true that during MIT Rhodey had pulled the young dumbass out of a lot of sticky situations, but Rhodey had gotten them into just as many as the younger man had.
Nowadays, it was more Tony who took care of him than the other way around. Prime examples were his upgraded plane ticket, his bed here, some clothes he knew that dumbass had ordered just for him. Sometimes, in the most private corner of his mind and heart, Rhodey wished, yearned for his best friend to do those gestures with intent. Yes, sure, Tony did all those things and more because he cared for Rhodey, but…
‘Forget it, Rupert. He may be yours. But he’s never gonna be yours.´ Those thoughts had been plaguing him recently and he just wished that his stupid heart would get the message sooner rather than later.
“Is everything alright, Colonel Rhodes?” The lowly spoken words of the AI made Rhodey realize that he had clenched his hands into fists and was trembling. Slowly, carefully, he relaxed, tense shoulders sagging in defeat. He massaged his jaw, which had also locked, before he replied flatly, “Yeah, Jarv. I’m good.”
How a silence from an AI could sound unimpressed and judgemental was one of those mysterious things only Tones could create. To break the silence, Rhodey stood and stretched, quietly asking, “Is the lab off limits at the moment?”
“Not that I am aware of. May I ask what you wish to do in it?”
“Visiting my godson, and maybe doing some fun engineering. I haven’t had the opportunity to do anything for a long time now.” A small grin curled his lips as he made his way to Tony’s lab. He could swear to hear a soft muttered “Engineers” from JARVIS.
~
In the lab, Rhodey was greeted by happy beeps. Dum-E rolled out of his charging station towards him. The airman patted him gently, having missed the dumpster fire bot nearly as much as he’d missed his creator. “Hey there, buddy. How have you been? Have you looked after that dumb dad of yours?”
A series of different beeps followed his questions, most happy, some sad. He continued to pat the bot for a bit before walking towards a slightly hidden workbench.
The clutter on it was just as he left it. According to Tones, the younger man had forbidden the bots to clean up that place, and even Tony didn’t touch any stuff on it. Because, apparently, this was Rhodey’s private space and Rhodey’s alone. When Tony had phrased it that way, the older man had trouble to keep his breath even and his voice from trembling. Rhodey had simply surged forward and embraced the smaller man tightly. The embrace had been one of the more awkward ones shared between them, not least because it was filled with the emotions Rhodey felt for his stupid dumbass.
That moment had also been a catalyst for Rhodey’s unbidden feelings for Tony to rekindle and become a full-blown fire after years of suppressing them. If Rhodey was honest with himself, that was probably the moment the pining and yearning had really started. Surveying the things strewn over the surface, Rhodey tried to get into engineering mode. He remembered being excited about the project he had started over seven months ago. However, the only thing he felt now was frustration.
Frustration that it took him so long to come back to it.
Frustration that he would start on it, only to leave it.
Frustration that he would leave in a few days, without finishing the project or spending nearly enough time with Tony.
He picked up one of the cogs, clenching his hand hard around it. Tears of frustration started to fill his eyes and suddenly he couldn’t hold it back. He drew his arm back, at the same time drawing in a deep breath, preparing to throw the cog and scream at the top of his lungs. When he was about to toss it, callous but gentle hands tugged his arm down.
Rhodey’s eyes snapped open. He turned towards the owner of the hand and knew he was going to break.Here was Tony. Wonderful, sleepyhead, gentle, crazy, blurry-eyed, loyal Tony. Tony, whose eyes were soft, whose lips formed a worried frown. The very man who Rhodey had wanted to leave in peace to catch some hours of rest. The man Rhodey had sworn to protect and care for.
Tony, who he yearned for.
Tony, who he loved.
“Hey there, Platypus,” Tony’s voice was gravelly, heavy with sleep and worry. “I thought lab destruction was my thing, not yours.”
The joke fell flat; Rhodey was too keyed up to appreciate it, and Tony too worried to put on a show. But somehow, that was the last straw. With a loud clatter, the cog fell to the ground and Rhodey tried to free himself. Normally, Rhodey wouldn’t have any trouble shaking off Tony’s hand. However, the airman wasn’t putting much effort into it, and Tony didn’t seem inclined to let him go. And then, out of nowhere, Tony hugged him close, whispering gently, “Stop that. It’s ok. I’m here. Whatever it is, tell me and I’ll fix it.”
And that- well that was so Tony that Rhodey finally cried for real. He buried his face against Tony’s shoulder, hiccuping and sobbing. Rhodey took comfort in the delusion that Tony might be able to ‘fix’ his feelings for the shorter man.
They stood like that for a long while before Tony led them to the worn couch and directed them to lay face to face on it. Their faces were so close and the space so narrow that Rhodey felt Tony’s breath on his cheeks. Softly, Tony’s finger brushed away his tears. Neither said anything. Soon enough, the exhaustion caught up with Rhodey and he drifted off. Rhodey thought that he felt delicate lips brush against his, whispering, “Rest well, Honeybear.”
~
The next morning came with a headache and the gross feeling of unbrushed teeth. Sitting up from his position on the couch, Rhodey felt the blanket slide down and pool in his lap. A bit confused, he looked around. The lab was silent and empty, the lights dimmed. Heaving a sigh, Rhodey got up and went upstairs. A glance towards his watch told him that he might as well stay up and prepare some coffee and breakfast for Tones.
To his utter surprise, the kitchen wasn’t empty. Iron Maiden played surprisingly quietly in the background while Tony stood at the stove, making what smelled like an omelet. The coffee was already brewed and two cups sat innocently on the counter. It occurred to Rhodey that he hadn’t seen Tones that domestic since MIT.
The airman rapped his knuckles against the counter to get Tony to notice him. The younger engineer whirled around, nearly knocking the pan from the stove, and gifted Rhodey with a blinding smile.
“Morning, Platypus!”
“Morning, Tones. Sleep well?” Inwardly, Rhodey cringed at that question. He knew Tony didn’t sleep much or well. The man had woken just to find his best friend on the brink of a breakdown, so of course he wasn’t going to be well-rested.
Tony, God bless him, made a simple so-so hand gesture, and turned back to the stove. Which was apparently just in time, as the omelet had started to become the wrong shade of golden. “I’ve made breakfast, Honeybear. Also coffee!”
The cheerful attitude would have been welcome every other day, but Rhodey didn’t feel positive enough to appreciate it today. Still, with a grimace instead of a smile, he answered, “Thanks. Let’s eat, then.”
Their breakfast was unusually quiet. Rhodey knew why. Tony was tiptoeing because he didn’t want to set him off again. And Rhodey? Frankly, Rhodey was starting to feel fed up with it. So, as soon as they’d both finished their food, Rhodey turned to Tony and said, “Stop that.”
“Stop what?” The other man blinked innocently at him. Any other person might have bought it, but not Rhodey. Rhodey knew Tones way too well for that. In answer, Rhodey simply arched an eyebrow until Tony relented. “Fine. I… do you want to talk about what- you know? Last night?”
Rhodey pondered his options. He did not want to talk about it. But he also didn’t feel like losing his best friend this early in the morning. As it was, Tony took his silence as a reason to speak again, “If you don’t want to talk about it-”
“That’s not it, Tones. God, how much I wish you could fix this!”
“What is it? I swear I’ll do whatever you need me to.”
Rhodey snorted. That was exactly the problem. “I know that. God damn, man, do I know. But I don’t want you to ‘fix’ your feelings for me because I ask you to!”
As soon as Rhodey said those words, Tony went alarmingly still. If Rhodey wasn’t so occupied with his own misery, he would have noticed that something was wrong before Tony said anything. As it was, the sad undertone caught him off-guard. “Oh.”
Oh. Two letters. Two small, innocent letters. A short enough exclamation. But so full of unsaid words and thoughts that it choked Rhodey right there. Tony looked at the ground. For all his usual bravado, he looked small, fragile, and dare Rhodey say broken? “Tones?”
“I.. I get it,” the brunet whispered. He cleared his throat before he continued. “I’ll stop. I promise, Platy- I mean, Rhodes. I won’t… I’ll find a way. I promise.”
That sounded not good. Somehow, though, it sounded a whole damn lot like Tony loved him back. Hope started to bloom in Rhodey’s chest, the yearning pushing at him to take this last step, this very last risk. Rhodey took a step closer, just as Tony faced him again, a press-smile on his face, and both spoke at once.
“I’ll stop loving you-”
“I’m in love with you, Tones.”
Both men stared at each other with wide, disbelieving eyes, until they comprehended each other’s words and the last distance between them was overcome.
The taller man leaned down, while the smaller one tilted his head up. Their lips met in a slow, dance-like kiss. Arms tangled around each other’s necks and backs.
When they stepped back, both of them were grinning like idiots. Their hearts were full of love and warmth and happiness. Neither knew what tomorrow would bring, but they had each other. That would always be enough.
#rhodeyweek2020#rhodeyappreciationweek#day 5#writing prompts#Ironhusbands#rhodey#tony stark#Rhodey POV
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oh Boy hyperfixation time!!
ULTRAKILL ($25 [might go up soon though], video game) - already know it’s pretty popular, but please. i’m begging. play this game already. it’s the most fun i’ve had in years just play the damn game. your a little war robot in hell on the quest for Blood also you get to fight the arch angel Gabriel. also one of the levels is a dating sim
Picayune Dreams ($5, vidya game)- a silly little game where you’re a funny robot girl who shoots aliens because the government told her too :3 it’s a bullet hell like touhou, so it is a bit hard. also there is a bit of cosmic horrors so be careful :] (seriously there are some genuinely scary parts. that or i’m just a coward lmfao)
Homestuck (free, webcomic) - ok again i know this is tumblr so homestuck is kinda popular here but it has definitely gotten less popular over the years. it’s a webcomic from 2009 about 4 kids playing an online game called sburb but then that leads to the downfall of humanity. :3 it’s a pretty long read (8000 pages), but i highly suggest reading it. each page is about a sentence or two and 1-3 images. also since it’s 2009 it uses some certain words that you definitely can’t say today. (or really back then tbh) also all of the characters are gay
this fuckin thing????
got this thing for christmas. it’s a little hand grabby thing. i use it for dumbass reasons (grabbing things i could easily just grab with my hand) and i highly recommend it. i don’t mean to sound like an infomercial right now but this thing goes hard. it’s so goddamn stupid.
DouDoug (free, although he could put you in his basement and spray you with raid) a twitch streamer and youtuber, brothers with the creator of the stanley parable. he does stupid stuff like making an ai version of pajama sam and forcing it to play a pajama sam game and killing it and restarting it every time it becomes incoherent, celebrating a sea otters birthday (the best sea otter) every year and raising money for funny otter, forcing chat to kill a bird, and a shit ton more. you probably know him best from the shuffler bot stream, since jerma was there. also not to go on a full on tangent or anything but it kinda sucks that’s the dougdoug tag on tumblr is exclusively shuffler bot. like. yeah i get it he’s cool. now can you show me a drawing of doug drinking olive oil.
i know this list is kinda short but it’s 9 am and i woke up an hour ago i’m eepy
don’t feel like tagging anyone so if you see this post feel free to add on to it
i wanna hear your recommendations!
a list with some stuff i like + a request for you to share yours :)
as a godless queer who spawned on earth randomly one time, my only holiday-season tradition is charity + passionately enjoying things. in lieu of passing my followers & mutuals $100 cash, have a random variety of things you might like to try - i know we're an international bunch so your mileage may vary on what you can access. in the spirit of giving i am hoping for some recs 🎁♥
disclaimer these are just things i like i am not paid. would be great. but.
yo ho ho if you read comics & manga but always found it to be a pain in the ass to source online, here's the aggregator app of your dreams: tachiyomiJ2K. real. not clickbait. android only tho. the extensions mangacute, mangadex, allanime, and mangareader, are good places to start. as a creator, i'm always iffy about recommending this kind of thing because i'd much prefer you went out and brought the things you're reading, however i'm not under any illusions about which era we're in, media-wise and economy-wise
gemma! - webcomic what if corvo was a woman and young emily was a dragon and they went on adventures in a fun fantasy/adventure way that is Extremely Gender. pictured: gender. god i want to be her > is this the greatest webcomic of all time? no. is it that sweet spot between 'mindless fun' and 'good'? yes. you get me
laksa noodles the more intl friends i have the more i realise that laksa isn't common everywhere. don't let that stop you from trying it. ultimate comfort food. hearty noodly soupy goodness. worth seeking out fr
ways of seeing - mini-documentary so profoundly changed the way i think that i had been wanting to revisit it and so was delighted to find its all on youtube. if you're an artist or want to improve your ability to critically think about what you're seeing in media, this is a must-see. link or embedded>
youtube
FUCKING GOOD AND CHEAP GREEN TEA price comment won't apply to everyone this site offers great prices for high quality tea direct from the farm. been buying from here for years and its always amazing - i love the houjicha/roast green tea, and if you like green tea but always wish it was stronger without sacrificing taste or becoming bitter, i recommend genmaicha matcha-iri, which uses matcha to intensify the flavour. yum
incense body powder being a perfume nerd who is prone to migraines sucks. if you like spices and good incense - not the $2 kind that you use to hide cigs from your parents but rather the kind that smells like wandering into a forest temple - you'll love incense body powder. it lasts well and i'd most compare it to a softer, more gourmand comme des garçons Incense series 3 kyoto. shoyeido is the easiest to source as far as i can tell, but other brands make it too. USD$11 - cheaper than even cheap perfumes tbh - the bag will last you years. if you try this please tell me i'd love to know what you think!
anyway!! i wanna hear your recs if you have any! can be any type of thing that has recently improved your mood or changed your life or you think someone else might like?
anyone reading can go for it, consider this a carte blanche for recommendations. gonna tag a few people - you don't have to of course thank you love you <;3 @lapinneok @dangerousdan-dan @arosebyothernames @headcrabrave @corvidad @neznoodles @retired-crow @corpseprince @i-really-hate-creating-usernames @geminison @fakeshibe @skemford @loveofdetail + please feel welcome if not tagged! edit OH @nekon-ron i tried to tag your old URL. ha
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do you happen to have any random hcs/facts/info about the electric sheep verse? (i'm in love with it)
hi anon!!
Sorry it’s taken me an age and a half to get around to this question, I’ve been in dissertation-mode for the last two weeks or so.
BUT
I love love love my electric sheep series and I would love to maybe do a quick little spin off piece or two with it at some point.
I don’t really have too many headcanons/facts atm, but I do have this fun idea at the top of my head right now (I’m putting it under the cut since it’s long and silly)
So electric sheep ends with Matt becoming a vigilante for droids. At some point, Jess realizes that she can make something of him for her PI work and tries to borrow him off Foggy and Fogs is like, yeah, fucking take him he’s droid-teething and keeps chewing on all the Expo markers in the office. Jess does.
They get into all kinds of trouble. Jess starts dragging Matt with her further and further out of Hell’s Kitchen and he starts making other friends along the way.
He befriends Clint who doesn’t realize he’s a droid at first. He’s just like, ‘woah, Jones, handsome, flexible boy you’re got there, mind if I borrow him for a minute for some satellite-dish-related issues?’
To which Jess thinks, ‘I need to see this android confronted with his dumbass dish-cousin; this is gonna be like him crooning at Nelson’s laptop all over again’ and says, ‘yeah, take him.’
After this, Clint learns that Matt’s a bot then just assumes that Matt is kind of like a household AI. Like a really fancy roomba. So any time he sees him, he’s like ‘heeeeeey, Red. You got a minute? I got a pilot light out.”
And Matt doesn’t know what to make of this friendly human and the hair ball that stalks him, so he just kinda goes, “help? I am good at helping. What is a pilot light? Does it fly?” and he goes and Clint eventually realizes that he’s teaching this droid more about home repair than the droid is actually repairing his home and it finally dawns on him that maybe this is not Matt’s primary purpose.
But, not to fear! Clint is familiar with someone like this!
He introduces Matt to Bucky, who is partial droid with his arm and the like. Buck, though, is confused by Matt because, well. “he’s one of them war-bots, man.” And Clint is like ‘oh. Fuck.’ Only to realize that he’s lost Jess at some point and he doesn’t actually know who Matt belongs to.
Matt tells him he belongs to himself and both Clint and Buck get freaked out because they think he’s like a sentient AI built specifically for fighting purposes and they decide they need to remove him from his owner, actually, since this guy is a warmonger-er.
So they laugh nervously and watch Matt bounce off back to Hell’s Kitchen and then they go panic-run to Steve who is, at least in the eyes of the law, Buck’s owner in the case that he goes berserk or something. And Steve is like,‘oh fuck. no. I’ve heard of that cat, he’s the rogue bot that’s been out at night fighting humans left, right and center.’
So he agrees to go intercept Matt and take him to Buck’s mechanic to get him sorted out and reprogrammed to be less of a violent hellhound (they still don’t know that that isn’t his programming, that’s just him being him.) Anyways, they go and track him down to find him lawyer-ing away with Fogs and trying to sneakily chew on shit in the office and they’re like,
‘what.’
But they try to intercept anyways, and then that turns into them accusing Fogs of being an underground war-bot trafficker and he throws them out and Matt waves while he does while Karen tries to tell him that this is “no. This is bad. Those are not friends, Matthew.”
This really only makes Steve, Buck, and Clint more concerned than ever, so they decide they’re gonna steal Matt.
They do not have to steal Matt. They catch him in the middle of a fight, right after a perp lands a hit that sends his processor flying and voila, just like that, they’ve got dopey, sweet, droid!Matt who knows mostly that his human is Foggy and, in the absence of his human, he really likes Clint (the pilot-man) and his harmonica.
The others note the personality change and the missing processor several blocks over and go, ‘wait no, that seems problematic.’ They ask droid!Matt about it and he hums without it and takes an age and a half to answer any of their questions, at which point it becomes very clear that that thing on his face was very important and–oh, fuck. He’s one of those human-made-droids and they just lost the key to giving him his humanity and oh, god, they’d harassed Nelson for no reason–they’re about to get their asses sued to hell and back over violating android rights.
Rather than face Nelson who will murder them in cold blood, no doubt, they decide to hold onto Matt to keep him safe until they find his processor. Then they’ll give him back and apologize for the misunderstanding.
Steve goes back to find it. Buck and Clint, not knowing what to do with this very friendly bot in the meantime, decide to take him to Buck’s mechanic to see if they can do anything for him until they find his processor.
Peter’s the mechanic. Teeny baby 12yo Peter working with Uncle Ben in their bot-shop.
Peter falls in love with Matt instantly; Ben recognizes his hardware as Advancement’s tech, though, and immediately knows the shit he’s been through. He knows that Matt is programmed to be a fighter bot and he wants him to get the fuck away from Peter–but it’s too late. They love each other.
Matt gets territorial over Peter and won’t let anyone touch him. Steve comes back with the processor and they wrangle Peter away from Matt and then the processor back onto him. And just like that, now they’ve got a pissed off, disabled, former-warrior-bot-turned-lawyer on their hands, threatening them with legal action.
He huffs. He puffs. He leaves, embarrassed. He finds Foggy and clings. And the others are all so baffled at what’s just happened and Matt’s frankly incredible abilities that they decide that they want to get him to work with the Avengers Initiative.
And then a whole new cycle of ‘fuck you, don’t you even look at me or my human ever again’ starts up between Matt and Steve and Buck, whereas towards Clint Matt’s always like ‘why have you betrayed me like this pilot man? I thought you were kind and good?’
Clint feels bad and tries to make amends and in doing so finds himself becoming a Trusted Human for half the former-fighter bots in the city. They all call him the Pilot Man. Peter starts calling him the Pilot Man and sneaks into the circle to do rogue repairs and programming for these former war-criminals.
And end scene.
Anyways, this was a whole lot of nonsense anon, but I hope it did something for you!
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Yugioh S3 Ep22: Mokuba Gets Murdered
So today’s is...a long update, I may half it, but I’m gonna be away from my computer a whole bunch for a few weeks so like...if I half it you’re gonna be waiting on that other half for...kind of a while and by then I may have sort of forgotten what was happening in the first half. So I dunno, maybe I’ll just make this a huge ass...59 cap post.
honestly it’s mostly 59 caps because, surprisingly, no one dueled this episode.
I KNOW.
When I saw that “To be continued” last episode I really thought I’d have to deal with more paper-form BS but Noah finally plopped over at the beginning of this episode so I guess he’s just officially done playing cards now. Everyone has been turned back from being stoneware with absolutely no consequential brain damage. Probably because you could not do any more damage than what has been previously done.
But don’t worry he’ll get some more brain damage in by the end of this episode.
Remember the plot point that Tristan was slowly becoming a real monkey? I think he forgot about that because he’s been a monkey for...a realllllly long time and he kinda like...continues to just be Tristan. Maybe Tristan was nearly a monkey to begin with?
We also get a rare sighting of an actual real deal hug on this show and it was from the last person you’d ever expect.
Surprisingly heartwarming for this show.
If that duel disk goes off, both of them are super dead. Hugging in a duel disk might be the most dangerous sport either of these boys have ever done.
Anyway, because Seto and Mokuba were the first ones to go, they have no idea that any time has passed at all.
He seems pretty OK for Yugi just nonchalantly taking his dragons but this is VR and...the cards aren’t...actually here. So like...Yugi didn’t actually steal anything? No proof, no crime.
To be honest, no one should have any cards in any of their decks right now, but the show kind of forgets that these digital cards need to be drafted each round. It’s fine.
Anyway, in the wake of losing a card game, Noah just remembered that he’s a freakin god of this universe so he decides to just go for plan B, which you would think would be most people’s plan A.
(more under the cut)
Ya Noah could have peaced out at any point in this show, but because he was trying to impress Daddy he just...didn’t?
Not like it mattered because the integral plot device was like “oh yeah guys, I’m in this show, too, completely forgot. Oops, is it too late? It’s already episode 22? Eh, better late than never.”
and don’t be deceived by the cap, it showed like...every millennium item for some reason. You’d think it wouldn't show the rod because Yugi doesn’t have that, but apparently Marik up there on the ship was like “the hell is this going off for?” and then just shrugged it off.
Noah gets...mostly this image of a well waxed Pharaoh while Yugi gets images of Noah’s memories, where he finds out each of Yugi’s friends and Yugi himself were stuffed in little sci fi VR pods. You’d think that they wouldn’t need to access Noah’s memories to realize that. Should’ve been the first thing they realized when they got here. In VR.
Like, think about it, the only other person that got kicked out of here was Pegasus. And to kick out Pegasus it took all of Yugi’s friends except Bakura. Apparently this time all Yugi needs is for Pharaoh to focus (and Bakura to be just...youknow...present, I guess. Assuming the writers haven’t forgotten that Bakura’s still in there)
I think they mostly did this memory exchange as an excuse to give us a review--thing is there’s so much weird stuff to review it feels a lot like exposition. Like I don’t remember seeing these big boys before:
There is just...a lot of design put into this robot you only see like a couple of times. Some concept artist when all ham so I wonder...was this his OC? I’m so glad his weird OC sleepytime bot got into Yugioh. Good for him.
So at this point I kinda turned to my bro and was like “this feels a lot like the Matrix, doesn’t it?” and then in rolls in the bright purple cloud of “you don’t even know.”
I’ll just leave this here.
back to Yugioh.
Yo I kinda forgot in the mayhem that Kaiba’s Dad was clearly here this whole time. I figured we’d run into him, I didn’t really think he’d Castlevania it up in the sky in order to do it.
So this show presents these two brain orb AI monsters as being pretty well...alive...in that Orb because we’ve only heard this explanation from two AI beings who are pretty sure they never died. But, are they alive, really? Did they really transcend to a higher plane like Noah thinks? Or was this a thinly veiled murder/suicide? Did Gozaburo Kaiba kill his son because he could not allow him to be crippled, seeing an opportunity test out this crazy orb AI that needed a human brain in order to function--knowing full well what he was doing? And then later kill himself after losing everything to Seto?
Like, I’ve heard that in the Japanese version, Gozaburo commits suicide and in the English version he does not. But, at least from where I’m sitting...I think he commits suicide in both versions. Like, maybe it’s because I’m an adult watching this and not a child, but it feels like Gozaburo did this in order to set a trap for Seto as his last screw you before he left this mortal plane.
Either way, Noah’s kind of an idiot and so he still has not caught on. What followed was the three very worst Kaiba boys just kind of shouting at eachother for 5-10 minutes but, like, on completely different wavelengths, every single one. The lack of communication between these dumbasses right after Gozaburo drops this horrifying bomb of “and then I killed myself to kill all of you” was actually pretty low key hilarious.
The dub then got very confused as to when Noah died. Really confused, I’m not going to analyze that too much, it’s dub problems. Dubs do that sometimes.
Also, this is a new Noah outfit. Huh. shame we never got to know it.
Anyway, as the truth comes out, suddenly this accidental Kaiba family therapy
sesh everyone else in this High School class is privy to just starts escalating.
OH OK, KID’S SHOW.
Yo, remember how many jokes I made that Kaiba was raised in Outer Heaven? Apparently I was WAY closer than I realized.
And speaking of Metal Gear:
Anyway, remember that random idea that Noah dropped on us to consume the world with VR tech? I knew it would come back, just not quite like this. Not with a nice Power Point slide show via the sky from the Most Evil Mufasa.
And that was how Kaiba’s Dad decided “I was once scorned by a rude 12 year old, lets destroy every human on Earth and extinguish all civilization.”
So basically the entire freakin ocean is just filled with these robots? Just completely polluted with nighty-night bots?
Yo.
So like this whole time we’ve been following Marik, who’s trying to destroy the world, and keeping babysitting tabs on Bakura, who’s trying to destroy the world, but Kaiba just wants to be the best and show everyone else up so he just decided to set in motion the entirety of humanity’s destruction BEFORE THIS SERIES EVER STARTED.
*coughs* I can’t believe Yugioh just did the Matrix better than the Matrix.
Now listen, I know what I said--and I have to tell you, the Matrix was one of my favorite movies when it came out when I was wee middle schooler and watched it secretly at my friend’s house. It was rated R for absolutely no reason, and so I wasn’t supposed to watch it--but I did anyway and it was very thrilling to break the law like that. Keanu Reeves did a middle finger--yes, that was the cuss that put it into R territory--and I was like “wow, he is crazy!”
But, while it’ll always hold a place in my little tween heart, that one did not age well. Mostly because, once it stepped away from the cave allegory you have to start asking questions like “so...how did everyone get trapped in the Matrix?” and it was like “because the robots needed batteries. So like...humans...became batteries...rather than..........actual batteries.” which makes a lot of sense when you’re like a child and you don’t know how batteries work, but as an adult it’s like “...so they’re not very smart robots, then?”
But, Matrix came out about 1999, and because it was super cool, it influenced everything. This show was about 2001, and Kaiba’s wearing a floor length coat--I really think there may have been a bit of an influence?
And I think they may have explained how all humanity would get placed in the Matrix better than that movie series that was like 3 movies and a bunch of video games and a very violent cartoon. And like, the Yugioh explanation is still balls insane, but hey, at least this motive makes sense.
And then, at this point, Mokuba’s Stockholm Syndrome came back, but this time it’s just plain old fashioned Stockholm Syndrome, no weird brainwashing on the part of Noah was necessary to make any of this happen.
Like I really think Moki’s finally snapped. It’s finally snapped. He doesn’t know have any idea what is going on anymore and desperately needs a nap. A nap that will last like 5 days. Moki needs to go to the beach and just...not move for about a straight week to recover from the mess of this tournament.
Most people at this point would be like “yeah I think maybe Noah isn’t trustworthy” but this group of kids--this is the only group of kids that sees a cackling undead digital ghost dude hunched over like this who has already tried to kill them on multiple occasions--straight up just 10 minutes ago--and says “he’s probably much better now.”
Just 10 feet away from them, Marik is desperately trying to finish the arc he started, but keeps running into filler problems. Which is this door.
This X-men door, the most powerful filler villain in the Yugioh universe.
I can’t believe they explained away Marik--super powerful evil villain that bested Bakura--by using one singular door that kept him occupied for like 20 episodes.
Apparently the bedtime bots are equiped with Huge Lasers.
Which kind of defeats the purpose of keeping everyone alive to send them to the VR realm?
But whatever, they have huge lasers, but little do they know, Marik can shoot lasers out of that necklace he stole off Bakura, and he didn’t actually do that and it’s kind of a bummer. Instead he reflects the lasers with the rod. Which then makes you wonder--is that why Bakura didn’t use his laser attack then? Because of the reflection issue?
Sorry I can’t believe I even entertained that idea. Clearly they completely forgot about S1 at this point. It feels like it’s been so many years since things were simple and you could shoot lasers out of your eyeball/necklace.
And then, canonically, Marik gave up on this door. This normal ass door. The only foe he has ever stepped down to.
This door has faced the ultimate evil, it has stared down an actual fallen god born of anger and violence, who, after thousands of years steeped in an abusive tomb, has risen to consume the entire world, but, this door, using all of it’s bolts and joints you can buy at your local Home Depot, sent that fallen god back whence he came. Which was a blimp. Marik came from a blimp.
This door should be the 4th God Card.
(I want y’all to know that I originally wrote “5th” god card and bro corrected me because I literally thought there were 4 this entire time.)
The amount of time that Mokuba was not kidnapped after Yugi and co just saved him? I want to say maybe 10 minutes. He got one hug from Seto, and then went back to the kidnap zone.
Apparently, Noah decided to trap everyone else in their old memories--which is an interesting way to recap what happened in S2. The trap doesn’t trick them very well because these guys are missing a fair amount of memory at this point, so they basically got served a bunch of weird nonsense.
So while those guys are going to go down their very, very short memory lanes, Noah takes Mokuba to the same exact Dave & Busters that Tea and Yugi went on a date to back in like S2. Like this is the same exact one. And what’s nuts is I think they even redid the backgrounds, but definitely used S2 as reference. It’s quite the devotion to detail.
Noah tried to invent some sort of weird mystery doorway but then Mokuba was like “yeah it’s in the game right? Don’t say no, because I am hankering for some arcade time--don’t touch the other stick though, I want to play solo.″ and then Mokuba just proceeded to play this 2 person arcade game by himself while Noah just...watches.
In Dukes memories, Tristan looks the same as Duke’s always perceived him.
There’s just a lot to take in here.
But don’t worry, it gets weirder than three cultists on one small toy monkey, because here comes some romantic development that had absolutely no basis in reality. This is just so freakin weird, get ready for it.
They definitely almost run over Duke and Serenity--Joey’s sister--and Joey does not not seem to have any reaction to nearly running over his little sister on the road, because one second later, this is happening.
And that was how Noah managed to insert his JoeyxMai fanfiction into Joey’s head and tried his damnedest to make it canon. It’s wild. I can’t believe Noah was a shipper this whole time. Like, who else has he been secretly shipping???
Noah had a split second to use his fabulous orb brain to deal with Joey, and while he used actual memories from the other kids, when it came to Joey, he sort of stopped and went “oh yes, my OTP!”
So then, in this split second Noah kinda turned to his pile of Joey fanfic he keeps stashed in the corner of his Orb Brain Consciousness and was like “well I have this really good one I wrote where Mai wasn’t in the coma yet, and there clearly aren’t enough romantic sunsets, and like...what if they were getting married? Oh man I love this AU! This is so good, can’t wait to upload it to his brain, OMG, he’ll love it. What if they were in Hawaii or something!? OMG they’re so freakin cute.”
Like everyone else on this show who has a canon relationship had to go through some type of sweet hell terror memory but Joey--just Joey--got to go on a date or something and then seal his love with a ring. Like we’ve seen many indicators that Noah is a small child but this was probably the biggest indicator we’ve seen of Noah’s maturity level when he was like “this is how relationships work.”
Again, Yugioh just writing your fanfiction for you--did you want an AU where Mai and Joey’s age wasn’t an issue and she also wasn’t in a coma yet and was uncharacteristically like “lets run off and get married?” because usually you’d have to search Google for that content, but now it’s just here and given to you on a silver platter.
At about the same time they were fully convinced none of this was a real memory, they all ended up back here, minus Kaibas. Joey apparently took the longest amount of time although he had the most bizarre set of memories. He probably just wanted to see where that fic would pan out, but like most fic’s, it kinda stopped updating at about chapter 3 so he gave up on it.
Just a few blocks away, Mokuba and Noah’s playdate from Hell is going according to plan, and Noah is just biding his time before snatching a body. But, before he does, I guess Noah did want to see what happens in this arcade game Moki’s playing because he’s just been standing here admiring Mokuba’s work.
Even Noah at this point is surprised at how deeply Mokuba has Stockholm Syndrome. Noah was just not prepared for how low Mokuba’s expectations are regarding his evil and pathological brothers.
Actual line of the show through this whole ironic experience, Noah just saying “wow...I almost feel bad”
Anyway remember that DDR game--that huge screened DDR game where Tea had a dance fight with Johnny Steps during her date with Yugi?
Did you ever think it would, one and half seasons later, become the scene of a horrific crime?
Did you ever think that the crime that would occur on the inane DDR machine that Tea once had a dance fight on against a guy wearing fringe moccasins would later be the scene of a family betrayal where Mokuba got murdered by his own dead secret older brother?
Because I sure didn’t.
Anyway, now equipped with his ultimate form--a very small kid with hair that weighs more than the kid itself, Noah rises from his grave.
I kind of love evil Moki, not going to lie.
Apparently Moki’s evil in Season 0 so I’ll probs have to go back to that season eventually to get more of that evil Moki fix.
I hope this is the type of scene that will end this entire show, TBH, just a crazy ass Moki cackling over the bodies of every other card player. That would be such a good way to end this series.
Anyway, I don't know whennnn the next update will be. I may update on that later--maybe not, but until we meet again, we’ll just leave evil Moki here in this nearly abandoned SeaQuest, laughing his face off over the sweet tunes of some Plantasia.
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#yugioh#yu gi oh#episode recap#photo recap#S3 Ep22#yugi muto#seto kaiba#mokuba#tea gardner#tristan taylor#serenity wheeler#joey wheeler#duke devlin#I can't believe Mokuba's freakin dead#again#Joey considers matrimony and it's not even the weirdest thing that happened this episode#ygo#tw suicide
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Change Your Mind, Change Your Life
Chapter One
“Uh, guys?” Iron Man squawked over the comm, and Hawkeye cursed under his breath as he loosed another arrow, drawing a new one from his quiver and getting a bead on another of the robotic birds. “We’ve got a serious problem.”
“Robot birds that blow up aren’t enough of a problem, Tony?” Natasha asked, kicking one into the air, away from the plate glass windows of the street.
“Yeah. Apparently not,” Iron Man replied. “Somebody needs to get Strange, now, FRIDAY, call Stephen Strange, he’s in my --“ The roar interrupted him, and Hawkeye looked up to see now a shimmering dragon approaching from the west.
“HOLY SHIT!”
“Language,” ‘Tasha said acerbically over the comm. “I see it. What is that thing?”
“Robot dragon,” Iron Man updated her. “Looks to be about the size of a -- oh now that’s just -- what --“ Confusion filled Iron Man’s voice. “The hell?”
“What is it, Tony? What’s going on?” Hawkeye asked.
“Doom. Doom’s…Doom’s here. And he’s drawing the dragon away from us,” Tony said, disbelief joining the confusion. “No giant proclamation, no DOOM IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN SAVE YOU NOW, no bullshit, he’s just…doing it.”
“What are the chances that he sent the damn thing and it’s a PR stunt?” Hawkeye muttered; he had no love for Doctor Doom.
“Yeah, no, I don’t think -- aaaand right on cue, there’s Richards. Have you guys got the Pidgeottos under control, ‘cause this could turn ugly,” Iron Man asked.
“Falcon’s on his way, right?”
“ETA thirty seconds,” Sam chirped over the comm. “That thing is huge as fuck, y’all. Maybe a thousand yards from head to tail, and it’s shooting laser beams at Doom, too.”
“Of course it is,” Tony added. “And there’s Richards trying to wrap around it, that’ll end well, guys, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m gonna go help Doom out.”
“Go, we got this,” Natasha said curtly, and Hawkeye turned his attention completely back to the issue at hand, namely, shooting birdies from the sky before they could detonate.
“Why did you do this?” Tony could hear Reed screaming from a few hundred yards away. “This is insanity, Victor, why --“
“Hey, Stretch,” Tony called as he flew up, firing repulsors at the dragon; it was made of a metal he had never seen before, and he was well versed in metallurgy. “Where’s the rest of the Fearsome Foursome?” Richards’ head turned, slamming towards Tony from his hovercraft.
“Defending the Baxter Building. This is obviously a feint of some kind,” Reed snapped.
“Yeah, no, we’ve been fighting birds made of this same alloy in the city proper for the last two hours,” Tony snapped. “Jaws here only showed up when this came into view, and he was already fighting it, trying to hold it off. So where the hell have you been the last two hours?”
“The birds are a minor inconvenience,” Reed said, and Tony lost his cool completely.
“They’re rigged to blow if they get within two feet of the ground, asshat,” he shouted. “I don’t even want to think about what this would do if it got too close to the surface!” Exasperated, he flew to where Dr. Doom levitated, drawing the dragon towards himself with some kind of purple laser. “No wonder you hate him so much,” Tony sighed. “You got a plan, Doom?”
“I do,” was the reply, and Tony’s head jerked up at the difference in Doom’s speech patterns; usually it would be “Doom does indeed, peasant,” or some shit like that. “I would like to get just a little closer, Iron Man, to ensure that I am correct about the genesis of this creation. Do you think you can hold its attention for a few moments?” Doom cut his eyes toward Tony. “And try to keep Richards from killing us all?”
“I can do the first, no problem, chrome dome, but the second, that’s an issue. He’s a dick.”
“He has ever been so,” Doom sighed. “Sixty seconds is all I ask.”
“Yeah. Yeah, hey Auntie Anne, leave Doom alone while he checks this out,” Tony shouted as Reed came closer.
“It’s obviously a trap, Tony --“
“Just on the off chance he’s playing straight, okay? One full minute. Go, Vic, I got your back.”
“Thank you, Iron Man,” Doom replied, inclining his head just a fraction before flying --
“HOLY CHRIST!”
-- straight between the dragon’s jaws as Tony fired his hand repulsors at full blast at the beast, backing away, away, farther and farther out to sea, drawing the dragon out with him, Richards speechless, his hovercraft directly in the way of --
“Get out of the way, dumbass, Jesus!” Just in the nick of time, the hovercraft zoomed away from the dragon’s wing before it connected, and Doom flew back out of the dragon’s mouth, coming back toward Tony.
“It is an artificial construct created by a madman from another dimension,” he reported. “Someone who calls himself Kang the Conqueror.”
“Oh joy,” Tony sighed. “Ideas?”
“Oh, yes,” Doom nodded. “I propose to return the package to its sender.” He made some sort of motion with his hands, muttering under his breath, and a giant fire rimmed circle appeared, about half a mile away. “A moment, now.” Sure enough, a few seconds later, the dragon began to fade, becoming translucent, then transparent, finally shimmering away.
“Iron Man, report,” Cap’s voice came over the comm. “All the birds have disappeared.”
“Yeah. Yeah, Doom just…Doom just got rid of the dragon, too. We’re clear out here, Cap.”
“Great. We’re going back to the Tower for debrief. Meet us there.”
“Yep, just a sec.” Tony left his comm open as he waited for Doom to close the portal again. “So what brought you here, anyway?”
“I noted the disruption in the space-time continuum,” Doom said, but he wasn’t looking at Tony. “Move!” He dove toward Iron Man, driving both of them down toward the sea, as the Fantastic Four hovercraft hurtled toward the space they had been in. “Sorry, he’s --“
“No, he’s being a serious dick,” Tony agreed. “Why don’t you come back to the tower, we’ll have burritos? It’s Hawkeye’s turn to pick the after-fight food, he always chooses burritos.”
“I…appreciate the invitation, Iron Man, but I’m afraid I must decline. Thank you for your assistance.” Doom straightened, hesitated, then held out his hand. “Mr. Stark.”
“Um. Yeah.” Tony gingerly accepted the handshake, and once they were no longer touching, Doom teleported away. “Huh.”
“Why did you let him get away?” Richards shouted. “He’s going to the Baxter Building now, I know it!”
“Yeah, I don’t think so, Stretch,” Tony said quietly. “I really don’t.” With that, Tony flew off, turning his comm private, just between him and Cap. “Cap. You heard that?”
“I did,” came the answer. “What exactly happened?”
“Richards tried to run us down, he would have gone through me to get to Doom, if Doom hadn’t seen him,” Tony sighed. “I’ll be home in two, just…”
“Just what, Tony?” Steve asked, Steve, not Cap. There was a difference in the tone of his voice, it was gentler, certainly warmer.
“Just something is up with Doom. Definitely something different. He shook hands, Steve. He offered, and he shook hands. And he said thank you. Doom -- you know, he doesn’t do that.”
“No. No, he usually doesn’t.” Steve’s end of the line went quiet. “Maybe…maybe we should look into what’s going on lately in Latveria. You know Putin’s all about recreating the Soviet Union, maybe he’s looking for allies in case things go bad.”
“That’s a possibility, and it’s a good idea,” Tony agreed as he landed on the roof, the suit falling away from him, picked up efficiently by one of the ‘bots. “FRIDAY, download the video and audio of today, especially the last few minutes with Dr. Doom, analyze his voice and body language, get back to me with the results ASAP, okay?”
“Yes, Mr. Stark,” the AI agreed.
“I want you to play the video on my mark in the conference room. It’s important; I want the rest of the team to know just how helpful Reed was.”
“He certainly seemed so willing,” FRIDAY agreed, sarcasm lacing her voice. She was coming along nicely, he thought; she might not ever pass the Turing test, but then again…then again, she might. She just might. Tony grabbed a smoothie from the fridge in the communal kitchen, and headed to the conference room, entering with a smile that hid his current contemplation, nodding to Pepper beside the door.
“Will that be all, Mr. Stark?” She asked, a tiny smile lighting her face, to be met by his own, a bit smugly.
“That will be all, Miss Potts.” He lingered in the doorway, letting her surreptitiously run her fingernails over his back as she walked away, running shivers up his spine. Promises for later. Taking his seat, he propped his feet on the conference table, grinned wildly up at Steve, who was shaking his head with a small smile of his own. “Cap.”
“Tony. Okay. Let’s go over what worked, what didn’t, and what we can learn.” For about ten minutes, Captain America and the Black Widow went over the footage FRIDAY had pulled from surveillance cameras, pointing out holes in their strategies, flaws in their systems, and the team discussed how to do a better job next time. However, they all kept cutting their eyes to Tony, obviously curious about the run-in he’d had with Doom and Richards, and eventually, Cap nodded to him. “Iron Man. You were with the dragon at the end -- God, that sounds weird,” Cap chuckled, shaking his head. “Fill us in.”
“Sure thing. FRIDAY?” Immediately, the screen filled with the silvery dragon, and Doom before it, blasting it and obviously trying to draw it away from New York. “So this is what I flew into. Note the weird purple laser things, if you will, that Doom’s using. They’re obviously keeping the dragon’s attention, but they’re not really like any lasers I’ve seen. Guys?”
“Eldritch magics,” Scarlet Witch said, her eyes narrowing as she watched. “Von Doom is known for wielding such things.” She frowned as the scene unfolded before them. “He isn’t…this is…”
“Why isn’t he being as belligerent and DOOM-y as usual?” Hawkeye asked, leaning forward over the table. “He’s almost…I wouldn’t say he’s being friendly, because I don’t think he knows how to be friendly, but…”
“Casual. He’s being casual,” Tony agreed. “He’s not doing the whole FEAR DOOM thing. He’s…guys, I was there. He was trying to be helpful.”
“Yeah, but Doom, you know? He’s not being an -- oh, Christ, here’s the asshat,” Clint sighed as Richards came into view again. His fists clenched on the table as Richards spoke dismissively of the explosive birds. “That utter bastard! He didn’t care! He didn’t --“
“No.” Tony agreed, his voice and expression flat. “He didn’t. FRIDAY, what are the current civilian casualty numbers?”
“Eight dead, 46 injured, financial damage estimated so far as less than ten million, sir.”
“Do me a solid, send all four members of the Fantastic Four a private email detailing those numbers, and attach the video where Reed says the birds are a minor inconvenience,” Tony ordered. “And ask Pepper to implement Plan Hippocrates for the injured, and offer Hades to the survivors of the dead.”
“Yes, sir.” The Avengers watched the rest of the footage silently until Doom dove toward Tony, the camera in his mask capturing the bright blue F4 on the hovercraft speeding within a foot above the two as they descended, then righted themselves. That drew a whole new round of shouts of “dickmunch!” “Asshole!” “Fuckface!” Captain America, Tony, and Natasha were the only three who remained silent, watching the film carefully.
“FRIDAY, rewind five seconds, replay at half speed,” Natasha ordered, and the film replayed as she watched, her arms crossing over her chest, green eyes sparking in anger as she did so. “Play on at normal speed,” she ordered afterward. They watched as Doom offered his hand, as Tony shook it, then Doom’s disappearance and Richards’ accusation.
“Thoughts?” Captain America asked after the clip was done.
“Richards did not even attempt to pull the hovercraft over Iron Man. He did not call out a warning. He was willing, in that instant, to drive right through Tony in order to perhaps do…something…to Doom,” Natasha said, her words clipped and precise, her eyes cold. “Perhaps he was trusting in the armor, in the warning system, but it was foolish and impulsive.”
“And dangerous,” Steve added, frowning.
“Sir, I have finished the analysis you asked for,” FRIDAY offered. “According to my calculations, there is a 94.6 percent probability that Dr. Doom was indeed attempting to be, if not friendly, at least not unfriendly. At no time does his posture, respiration, or heartbeat indicate a threat toward you or even Mr. Richards.”
“Thanks, FRIDAY. Tell you what, look up any recent news stories -- let’s say within the last six months -- about Latveria, would you?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Download them to my personal terminals. Okay,” he said, turning back to the rest of the Avengers. “So. Thoughts after hearing that?”
“Let’s…I don’t know…��� Steve began. “Let’s look at it this way. It appears that maybe, just maybe, Doom showed up to help without an ulterior motive.”
“He had every right to unload on Richards after what he tried to do,” Tony said, crossing his arms over his chest. “And he didn’t.”
“No. He didn’t. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be cautious, Tony. Let’s put it this way; for now, unless he is actively trying to kill us or anyone else, we’ll treat him as a non-belligerent neutral. Best I can do, until we get more information,” Cap offered, and Natasha nodded.
“It is for the best at this point. He did one good thing. One unselfish act does not mean a change of heart, no matter how one might wish it,” she said slowly. “We wait and observe.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Tony sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Okay. Wait and observe.”
“Why --“ Hawkeye began, and Tony cut him off.
“He’s a genius, he’s extremely powerful in his own right, and I’ve just…I’ve got a feeling.” Tony shrugged, looking down at his crossed arms. “It doesn’t hurt that he built himself a suit, you know?”
“No, cool, I get you,” Hawkeye shrugged. “I get you. Okay. So no aiming at Doom unless he aims at me first, got it.”
“Pass it on?” Wanda asked, and Steve nodded.
“Yes. Call Xavier’s school, if they want details, tell them to call me.” Steve’s chin lifted just a bit into what almost every Avenger liked to call his “Captain America” face. “I’ll explain if necessary.”
“Great. Can we have burritos now?” Sam asked, and everyone laughed.
“Dismissed,” Steve grinned. “Burritos sound really good right now.”
“You guys go on, I want to start a scan on the armor I wore today, be right there,” Tony promised as the Avengers rose to leave the room. He took the elevator to his workshop, waited a few beats just to make sure no one had followed him. “FRIDAY?”
“Yes, sir?” The AI answered.
“Send the footage of our debrief to my terminal here.” He tapped out a quick email to the Latverian embassy in New York, requesting that they forward it to “the Lord Protector of Latveria.” Once done, he attached the video, and added a personal touch. “I want to give you a chance. I’m trying. Don’t let me down, okay?” He clicked send, and breathed a little easier as he left the workshop again, heading up for burritos and camaraderie.
“Short stack!” Tony called the next day as he entered Jane’s labs. “Come with me. Foster, I’m stealing your R2 unit.”
“Beep-fuck-boop-you, Tony,” Darcy Lewis countered, looking up from the notes she was transcribing into English from Janese.
“Even better, you’re Darcy-Wan Kenobi, and you’re my only hope. Come on.” He waved fingers at her, and she sighed, standing and grabbing her bag.
“Janey? You okay?”
“Yeah,” came the distant answer from behind one of Jane’s machines. “Yeah. You’re going with Tony. I ate about an hour ago, right?”
“Uh…yeah, about an hour and a half ago. I’m sure this won’t take too long. This won’t take too long, will it, Tone Loc?”
“No, Salt, it won’t,” he grinned. “What? I already have a Pepa.”
“And I would never dream of attempting to take her place, because she is a saint and a goddess among women,” Darcy said, following him out of the lab and down the hall to the elevator. Tony nodded.
“You have no idea how much I agree with that statement, Darce.” They entered the elevator, and Tony pressed a button to a few floors below, still within the Avengers block. “So. Your degree is in poli sci, right?”
“Yeah,” Darcy agreed. “I’m working on my thesis for my master’s.”
“Awesome. But you get politics.” He cut a very serious look at her, and she nodded, her eyebrows drawing together.
“Well…yeah. I minored in history?”
“Great, that’s fabulous, because you may need both. I have a proposition for you, well, Pepper will explain it better, I think, maybe, but --“ he paused, then nodded to himself, stepping to the far side of the elevator. “Do me a solid, don’t freak out, okay? FRIDAY, halt the elevator, engage prime privacy mode, code HORNDOG.” Immediately, the elevator stopped, a second set of doors engaging over the first, and Darcy’s breath caught. “Listen,” Tony began. “That’s just a code word, it’s a joke, really. Here’s the thing. You know we were called out yesterday?”
“Yeah,” Darcy agreed. “Robot birds and then the dragon thing, it was on the news.”
“Great. Did you see who else was after the dragon thing?”
“No…” she dragged out the word. “Who?”
“Victor Von Doom.”
“Doctor DOOM? Was he --“
“No. He was helping us. And I kind of get the feeling maybe he doesn’t want to be quite such a dick anymore. I asked FRIDAY to give me a heads up on news out of Latveria, you know, political stuff and whatnot, and apparently there’s a lot. A LOT, lot. And I don’t get it all, but you.” Tony pointed at her. “You do. Or at least, I think you will.”
“Okay,” Darcy nodded. “You need me to go through the data and extrapolate what his intentions are?”
“Brilliant. You’re fucking brilliant, Short Stack, that’s it exactly. So Pepper and I talked about it this morning, and she’s going to go over all the paperwork, she’s actually waiting in your new office --“
“I get an office?”
“You get an office. With your own coffee machine. And a paycheck. A fairly decent paycheck. Because when we talked about it, Pepper said, well, I’ll let her tell you what she said. Long story short though, the Avengers Initiative and Stark Enterprises need an in-house political analyst, and guess what, you’ve got the clearance and you’ve got the background, you’re it.” Darcy’s jaw dropped, and Tony chuckled. “Looks like you’re in.”
“Uh, yeah!” Darcy agreed, then sobered. “But who’ll help Jane?”
“Oh, honey, we have minions! We have lots of minions. Minions who are drooling over the chance to maybe be able to work with Janey. No problem there, okay? She’ll have her choice of assistants, I promise.” Tony looked up at the ceiling. “Friday. You may disengage prime privacy mode and set us going again.” The inner elevator doors unlocked, and the elevator began to move again.
“They have to make sure she eats. She’s…” Darcy bit her lip. “She gets caught up, you know? And sleep. You don’t know how many sets of notes I’ve had to save after she fell asleep and knocked cold coffee onto them.”
“I get that,” Tony said, nodding. “I had a Rhodey and a Pepper, Jane had you. We’ll find her somebody, Darce.”
“Pinky swear?” Darcy held out her left hand, pinky extended, and Tony linked his right pinky with it solemnly.
“Pinky swear. I’ll go back up and talk to her in a minute. But I --“ the door opened, and he led her out into the hall, past several doors to where Pepper Potts stood smiling in a chic white dress with emerald green trim. “Pepper! Love of my life! Chatelaine of my tower!”
“Tony, you just saw me an hour ago,” Pepper said, shaking her head softly, though she accepted and returned his hug. “Hi, Darcy. Did Tony get you up to date?”
“Somewhat,” Darcy said as she approached. “He said you’d fill in the details.”
“Of course. What’s next on your agenda, Mr. Stark?” Pepper asked, eyebrows rising.
“I…have to go talk to Foster and explain what’s up, and get her to set up interviews for her new science minions?” Tony offered, and Pepper nodded.
“Correct. And at four o’clock, you have a conference call with Zachary Belman and Paul Franklin, and you will be on that call, Tony. You will.”
“Right. Yes. I promise.” He shook his head no with every word.
“You will. And then we’ll order pizza from Val’s downstairs and watch Heavy Metal.”
“Oh. Well. If that’s on the agenda, absolutely. It’s…” he glanced at his watch. “It’s two. I have plenty of time.”
“Your office, Tony. I want you in your office at three forty-five,” Pepper said. “Not the workshop. Your office.”
“Right. Okay.” He pecked her cheek, clapped Darcy on the shoulder. “Have fun, Artoo, you get to sign lots of stuff now.”
“Sure,” Darcy agreed. “And Tony? Thanks.”
“No problem, squirt,” he offered breezily, passing by her on his way back to the elevator. “See you in a couple hours, Pep.” Pepper shook her head, her delicate gold earrings swaying as she did so, looking after him fondly.
“So, let’s go into your office, Darcy,” she offered, opening the door. The office wasn’t really that big, a standard room in the Tower. A desk faced the door, with two chairs before it, a computer, a coffeemaker on a small cabinet to the left with a ten gallon water cooler beside it. Pepper closed the door behind them, and took a seat in one of the chairs before the desk, Darcy joining her there instead of behind the desk. Not yet. Not yet. “There’s a communal kitchen on this floor as well; this is the Avengers’ legal advisory floor, everyone here has a clearance level or two below yours, but then, yours is special.” Pepper’s smile grew a little wider. “He’s right, I do have quite a few forms for you to fill out. There’s a scanner there,” she pointed. “If you’ll just scan the documents in and email them to HR, we’ll get everything taken care of.” Pepper half-frowned then. “How…have you been getting paid, working for Jane?”
“Yeah. She pays me out of the grants and whatnot,” Darcy said, nodding. “I mean, Tony pays for all of her stuff, right, but she still applies for grants and stuff from the government and NASA and whatnot and pays me out of those; she says it’s to make sure they don’t forget her name and what she’s discovered.”
“As if they could,” Pepper said, her smile returning. “I’m glad. I was concerned when I found you weren’t already on the payroll.”
“Thanks. Yeah, I live here, in Jane’s extra bedroom, to save some money. It’s expensive to live in New York, and it just gets worse every day,” Darcy sighed. “But. Can you fill me in a little more on what exactly you guys are looking for from me?”
“Absolutely,” Pepper nodded, setting the file folder down on the desk and facing Darcy. “Your first long-term assignment is to look through the files already in your Avengers Initiative email, I set that up for you, the password’s written on a Post-It underneath your mouse pad, feel free to change it but let me know what it is, just in case. You’re to read through them and draw what conclusions you can, write a report, and send it to me. FRIDAY will sift through the news for you and update you on any new stories regarding that assignment. Your short-term assignments will be kind of on-call, as it were; if the Avengers have to leave the country for threats on foreign soil, we’ll need to know how friendly or unfriendly those countries are to the Avengers specifically, and to the U.S. in general. I don’t know how much notice you’ll get for those short-term assignments, to be honest, and you will be awakened in the middle of the night to give opinions and advice.”
“Okay,” Darcy agreed. “I guess that’s why I get the personal coffeemaker.” Pepper chuckled.
“And a mini-fridge and microwave,” she agreed. “We’re going to expand the political team in a week or two, but you’ll be the head of it, mainly because you will almost assuredly have the highest clearance. Do you have any experience heading a team?”
“I can do it. Can’t be any harder than herding scientists,” Darcy shrugged.
“I’m going to keep it at your level, bachelor’s degrees going on for master’s, and your team will consult with others who have doctorates in political science if you feel out of your depth or you want to get a second opinion. Can you get me a list of who you’d feel comfortable collaborating with or consulting with?”
“Yes. Absolutely, let me make a note of that,” Darcy nodded, taking her phone from her purse and opening her notepad app. “There we go. With an alarm….you’ll have that by the end of the day tomorrow.”
“Great. Well, I guess I’ll let you get to it. And…” Pepper looked a little…uncomfortable. “If necessary, I can make arrangements with Giada’s downstairs for an expense account? For business wear.”
“I…no. No, I have…I dress like this for the lab, it’s safer,” Darcy said quickly, looking down at her jeans and blouse. “Sparks and stuff, you know.”
“I do,” Pepper nodded. “But the offer’s there, if you need it.”
“No. No, I’ve got business wear, Ms. Potts, I’ll dress for success from now on, no problem.” Pepper nodded briskly, tapping the folder on the desk as she stood, and Darcy stood a second later. “Thank you. For the job and…and everything.”
“It’s my pleasure to work with you, Darcy. Welcome, officially, to the team.” The two women shook hands, and Pepper left the office. Carefully, Darcy closed the office door behind her. Her office door. Her office. She had an office. And she would be using her degree, actually using her so-called “soft science” to help her friends, to help Thor and Clint and Sam and Tony and ‘Tasha. She walked around her desk, looking out over New York in the fall afternoon, and nodded to herself. “You got this, Darcy. You got this.” She made coffee, finding the three bags with a note -- “Didn’t know what roast/brand you preferred, tell Friday and it will be delivered, PP.” Then she sat down at her desk, her desk, she had her own desk, in her own office, and started filling out the paperwork.
@subsilvernight
#darcyland#fanfiction#fanfic#the darcy/victor von doom fic nobody asked for#Darcy Lewis#Victor Von Doom#Avengers#Tony Stark#Pepper Potts#Captain America#reblogs are more than welcome#having fun
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