#AGH I wanted to finish them all to make this much more emotional!!!!!

[ursuu-la]

Just in time. - S. Reid.

summary: Where Spencer was at the right place and time.

wc: 1.9k

tw: mentions of suicid3, suicid3 att3mpt, not feeling enough, driving at full speed(?).

a/n: this is not exactly romantic, but I felt the need to post something angsty and this was the first thing that came to my mind. I hope that you enjoy it, but that you don't identify with the feelings :( if so, my inbox is open♡

Also, requests are open!! I think I'll write about Hotch too, just so yk

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

"See you guys tomorrow!" Spencer waved goodbye and walked out the door. You smiled before he left and turned your attention back to your stuff.

You were organazing all the things on your desk, at the same time you kept on your bag the ones you always took home: your phone, your keys, and some paperwork that you didn't want to finish in the office. It was almost 9p.m. and there were now only three members of the team left in the office: Morgan, JJ and you.

Once you finished clearing your desk and had everything you needed inside your bag, you walked past JJ and Derek, greeting them both goodbye. You spoke a little with both of them, making sure that the case hadn't affected them so much. You cared about your friends, and wanted to be there for them if they needed someone to vent to. Both of them told you that they felt as usual, which conformed you.

"And you? How are you doing, (y/n)?" JJ asked when you finished checking up on her.

"Fine, I guess." You spoke and smiled to her. Your friend just returned the gesture, wished you goodnight, and then dragged her attention back to the paperwork.

You walked out of the office and, for a second, you kept the smile on your face, but then it slowly started to fade as you walked towards your car.

Even though you had just told JJ that you were feeling fine, the truth was that the last couple of months had been rough on you. The explanation was hard to find, but during this time, you were feeling... just bad about yourself. No matter how many people you saved or how many cases you solved with the team, whenever you got back home, you couldn't help but feel that you hadn't done enough.

The feeling started growing bigger and bigger as the months passed by. You had tried to speak about it with the rest of the team: but something was stopping you. It was frustrating because you didn't usually have any trouble communicating your emotions, and the fact that no one noticed you were struggling made you feel even worse.

Now you were driving back home, no music playing, only your thoughts filling your head. You remembered every part of the case, and as you replayed it in your head over and over, you found new ways in which you could have been more helpful.

"Agh... I hate this..." Your voice sounded frustrated. What was the point of keep going to cases if every single time you felt the same afterward? What was the point of having people around you if you couldn't open up to them and vent your feelings? What was the point of it all?

Suddenly, you felt one tear falling down your cheek. You wiped it off. It brought you back to reality. You were driving, and since it was late, there was no one on the street. Your hands started to shake as the thought appeared in your head.

The whole street was empty, your car would be the only one damaged. You would be the only person hurt, the only mortal victim. Your hands were still shaking, anxiousness creeping inside you as you tried to think of a reason why that was stupid.

But nothing came to your mind.

Nothing was stopping you.

Not even red lights.

Now there was more than one tear falling down your cheek, and you were wiping none of those off your face: you were letting them fall. Your foot pressed the gas with all of its strength, you could hear the engine getting louder each second.

Your heart rate accelerated, your eyes were blurring because of the tears, and you could feel how every part of your body shook. You were about to turn aside your car, knowing that at that speed there was no way of getting out of there intact, but you heard a noise: it was another car.

You stopped the car as fast as you could because your vision had suddenly been cleared, and you noticed that a car was in front of you waiting on a red light. That same car had made the noise. Scared of not stopping at the right time, you turned sharply the steering wheel, causing you to end up in another lane.

When your car was still, you took your hands off the steering wheel and placed them in your head. Just in that moment, you noticed what you were about to do, which made you burst into tears.

"What the hell was I think- AAH!" You yelled out of fear when you heard a knock on the car window. You rolled it down, ready to yell at whoever was standing there. But when you saw the person, your words got stuck in your throat.

"(y/n)?" His voice was like a slap across your face. You felt like you couldn't move. "Hey, are you okay?" He placed one hand on your shoulder, taking you out of the state you had gotten into.

"Spencer..." Was the only thing you were able to say. "Did you...?"

"Yes. I mean- I saw a car coming at full speed behind me, and I tried not to get killed. But... Are you... Are you okay? What were you doing driving like that?" Spencer questioned, yet he didn't have an accusing tone. It was a worried and concerned one.

"I was..." You couldn't speak. How were you supposed to tell him that you almost committed suicide and that almost got him into a car crash? 'Hey Spence, guess what? I wanted to kill myself and almost took you with me, haha!' There was no easy way to say it nor a way to disguise it as something else.

You looked up at Spencer, his gaze met yours. His face was scanning every inch of yours, looking for an answer. When you saw him properly, you felt like you didn't need to speak: you felt like you needed a hug.

"Step back, I'll open the door." You spoke, Spencer took a few steps back and looked confused at your every action. When you walked out of the car and suddenly hugged him, his face turned surprised.

"I don't know what to..." His voice was low. He was hugging you back, perceiving that you needed it. "If you need to talk, I'm here."

You nodded with gratefulness, appreciating Spencer's words. The two of you remained silent for a while after you let go of the hug until you dared to speak about the situation. Both of your cars were parked on the side of the street, and you were sitting on the sidewalk.

"Spencer, I was... trying to end it all, I just wanted to..." He lifted up his gaze to meet your face, but you were looking down at the floor. Not sure if you wanted to make eye contact while confessing the situation.

"Where you about to...?" Reid couldn't finish the question, he averted what you were about to say, he just didn't want to believe that it was true. You were one of the happiest people Reid knew, and thinking that behind that bubbly personality he knew, hid an amount of pain that made you think of suicide as a solution, made his heart sank.

"Yes. I... I don't know what I was thinking... I just reached the edge, and everything feels like too much." Now you dared to look into his eyes, concern filled his face. Seeing Reid like that made you feel worse because you felt like you were only bothering him. "Oh, dear lord. Now I'm just taking away your time. Maybe I'll just need to sleep this off..." You started speaking as you tried to get on your feet, but Spencer stopped you.

"Wait. Don't try to escape the problem." He spoke as he gestured you to sit comfortably again. "I'll be here until the sun comes up if it's necessary. I care about you (y/n), and what just happened is not something to take lightly."

Spencer's words were simple, but they were the right ones; as soon as you heard him, you started crying. Reid tried to hide it, but seeing you like that made him want to hug you as tight as possible and never let you go. How could someone so good be suffering this much? He thought you didn't deserve to feel that way.

"I just don't know what's happening to me... I don't usually feel like this, but these last months have been from bad to worse."

"And we didn't notice?" His voice was loaded with guilt. He was a profiler, and he couldn't have been able to notice your mood or signals. "I'm so sorry, (y/n)."

"It's fine. I jus-"

"No, it's not. We should have noticed, I should have noticed you were struggling. Because what would have happened tonight if I wasn't there with my car?" Reid's voice cracked at the end of the sentence, you could swear that you saw a tear forming in the corner of his eye.

"But you were there. You saved me." You spoke as you rested a reassuring hand on his arm. Spencer chuckled and shook his head. "What is it?"

"I'm the one that's supposed to be reassuring you. Not the other way around." You couldn't help to smile, which had the same reaction on Reid. "You're always putting others first and yourself last... You're too good for this world."

"I'm not that good. I can always do better on cases, and I barely help to resolve anything." The words that had been repeating inside your head for the last couple of months were spoken for the first time. Spencer looked at you, his face getting sadder than it already was.

"Stop putting yourself down. You're literally the best human being I know." He spoke with a sad smile on his face. "I truly can't understand where you got those awful ideas about you."

You didn't speak. Every word that came out of Spencer's mouth made you feel worse for even trying to do what you tried to. For the third time that night, you were crying, but this time, a hand was caressing your face. You looked at Spencer, who had started to wipe the tears off your cheeks.

"I just... Don't understand myself... I feel like everything I do has a negative effect on people. I need to take a break... from everything..."

"I get it. Maybe it would be better if you just take some time off work. Take some time to care about yourself, treat yourself with some love, and maybe that will help you to heal whatever has triggered these emotions." Spencer took his hand away from your cheek. "Furthermore, I could help you to find any kind of professional help to overcome this. There are plenty of ways in which I can help you, just say the word."

"Thank you, Spence." You spoke with a soft voice, he only nodded lightly.

"I didn't do anything, really. I just happened to be there." He was trying to be modest, but you were way too grateful to let him be like that.

"Spencer, you saved my life. Take a little credit for that." You chuckled, and Reid's face lighted up: seeing you at least a fraction as happy as you were before made him feel better.

Reid wanted to tell you how happy he was for being there at the right moment. He wanted to tell you how important you were to him and how he would have been devastated with your loss. But now was not the time: he knew you needed to think about yourself, and once you felt better, maybe then he would dare to confess his feelings to you.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

[tryhardgwen]

hi gwen!

tysm for writing and posting, I really love all of your work!

quick question just for fun: if someone could only read five of your fics and no more, and you got to pick which ones, which five would you want them to read? you can include wips if you want

happy writing and i can’t wait for your next update!

anon i am so sorry for the late reply, i just. had to think about this a LOT. then i may or may not have forgot about it. oops. but thank you so much for the submission and for enjoying my fics!!

ok we are NOT including wips because that would make this answer infinitely harder. also because i can’t really judge them because… they’re not… done. im also not counting i want your violence, since it's not finished. i AM including kim suhwan vs. the world, however, because it's essentially finished. so i'm picking out of my 25 fics. that being said, here is my list of my 5 fics i would want people to read:

kim suhwan vs. the world

all my love

the mouth of the wolf, the eyes of the lamb

and all of my dreams, they’re growing lucid (i mean, can we do two here? just the whole busan boy series. this and the beach.)

don’t blame me

pour one out for the fakenuts sure, but i havent written one im incredibly proud of yet. if the one im working on turns out good, then well… 😶‍🌫️ but thats neither here nor there since it is NOT FINISHED and i dont wanna torture myself with choosing.. really op i have 26 published fics and ur making me choose FIVE of 25. ok, i will delve into my reasoning under here.

ahem. so, to start with... kim suhwan vs. the world. i feel like this one is a little self-explanatory, if only because it's my most recent fic. i do think it's one of my best written (my older fics are definitely lacking in skill, i didn't get good at writing until late 2023 i'd say) and i just... love the plot. so writing quality is great, concept also great! description amazing, dialogue amazing. my best work so far... i guess that makes sense, since im improving in skill as i write and grow more. i love peyz. i love writing fics about love and growing up and coming of age, and okay i DID project a bit onto peyz because i too have an unrequited crush and uh... i struggle with my emotions being a "lot" a lot. especially as of late, ive been "feeling" a lot. i get angry, i get sad. i mean my dad died lol! (i do sort of separate my fics nowadays as pre-dad death and post) but this story is just so special to me. you can see my growth as a person and a writer in comparison to my first fics. i mean, its been two years, pretty much. suhwan here is so special to me, and so is jihoon, honestly. wangho is too, and... god i do love geng 2023 so much. AGH. i know chapter 5 isn't out yet, but it will be tonight, or tomorrow! before t1 geng semis, at least. i hope.

next, all my love. also self-explanatory i think. it's my most popular fic, and even though i don't even really like onerzeus, i love this story and i love my iteration of them. i really badly wanted to write a second chance homecoming story (fun fact, aml was almost a bengifaker instead of onerzeus!) and i ended up doing that. i chose onerzeus since i thought they fit it. and then the fic sorta snowballed. i initially wanted 3 chapters, 10k each, 30k total word count. hoo boy that didn't happen LOL. EVERYTHING snowballed. i started putting all my favorite music in it, and putting cars and stick shifts in, and making the almost-family have an auto shop. i put jojopyun in bc i fucking love the guy so, so much. i put many bits of myself and my dad into it (i look back on this fic with a tad bit of sentimentality because it has so much of him in it. i did write that fic before he died). but i put just.. things i wanted to put in. it was SO self indulgent! gumakeria marriage, jojopyun, music, and cars... i remember working super hard on this fic in particular, and i think it paid off. all the "surprises"/cliffhanger type-things were something i put a lot work into. i think the writing quality of this fic is... halfway decent/pretty good... description was almost amazing, and dialogue was pretty good. conceptually, one of my best. this fic will always be special to me.

next would (maybe surprisingly?) be the mouth of the wolf, the eyes of the lamb. conceptually, i believe this is my best fic conceptually, which is why i chose it. i really don't think this shows my best writing at all (not even top 5 best writing) but i think i execute the CONCEPT well regardless! i did write it in pretty much one sitting because i was in the midst of burnout and i just got the idea and knew i had to get it out, so that's my excuse on the sub-par writing quality and possibly choppy plotline. it has pretty okay description, not bad dialogue. i definitely could've made it smoother. but in general, i just love the "lck mid holy trinity" of faker, showmaker, and chovy. i love lck midlaners so much. the idea of showmaker and chovy being kindred and faker the grey man descended upon me like a blessing from the gods. BY GOD DID I COOK. i didn't write a ton of au fics prior to this fic (ntm any fantasy aus), but i really should more. i love it so much, and i love the ending (which i wrote at like 4 am in the morning in a haze because i randomly thought of it half asleep!) i'm super proud of this conceptually and i need to write more lck mid fics in general (this time with scout too!?)

okay, i really wish i could count the busan boy series as one. but i cannot, so i am choosing and all of my dreams, they're growing lucid. despite it ill be talking about both fics in this section. i think this is my best work slash series of canon-compliant gumakeria i've written thus far--(i haven't written a ton since it came out, if at all, honestly). i feel like i really perfected their characterization here, over writing so much gumakeria. the reason i pick aaomdtgl over the beach is probably writing quality/skill. busan boy is by far my "favorite" of the two concepts, but it's lacking in execution, and it's noticeable especially in comparison to its sequel. the beach has okay writing, pretty decent description, and amazing concept. and all of my dreams has great writing, great description, and great concept. i was always grumpy the beach got so much less attention than and all of my dreams, but... i guess it's for a reason, lol (also bc its um. SAD! they LOSE!). (please go read the beach if you haven't though... i do love that fic so, so much.) also stream niki and the neighbourhood... read! my first songfics i guess, i just love those two albums. also i was a tad bit insane for these two fics--i wrote the beach because i was like, worlds in Korea? lets win. time to write losing in Korea fic first to set up for it. then i wrote a large percentage of and all of my dreams before t1 even won worlds because i was so sure of it. 2023 gwen was insane.

lastly is don't blame me. this is largely because of concept, because the writing is ass. don't blame me was my second published fic, so that's my excuse. the writing IS bad, i was waltzing along lacking in skill... yeah. the prose is so short and empty and fucking hell i could nitpick all day. i guess it sort of fits the fic?? (no im lying to myself lol it just sucks.) the description is meh, the dialogue gets the point across. but CONCEPTUALLY... the fic eats! it slays! demon keria yes pls! good job 2023 gwen! you did slay! my au fics do slay, and i had so much fun with this. i really fell into the rabbithole of league lore... god i love it so much. it's just so fun to write. and the ending! i love the ending a lot and i just like the tone and mood of the fic. i mean, its chilly, a little haunting... im not sure. dbm still has unwritten sequels LMAO i may or may not choose to write... i want to, but it's been a long time... i guess only time will tell.

so... yeah! that'd be my list. if you're interested in hearing why i DIDNT include some (one) fic, keep reading :] (wjnstt was the only one i wanted to address.)

now i think the main question to myself when choosing was... do i include we just need some time together or not? i know its a rather popular fic of mine, but i nixed it in favor of dbm i guess because i prefer dbm. and in terms of canon compliant gumakeria, busan boy clears it and does it a whole lot better in everything (characterization, writing quality, dynamic, everything). i don't... like wjnstt, not really. i mean, i haven't read it in a long while, so i couldn't tell u if that's 100% accurate of a conclusion, but. it was the first fic i ever started writing, and you can TELL. hoo boy writing quality be IN THE GUTTER. oh my GOD. to be fair, again, i haven't read it in a while so my judgment is probably a bit skewed/i could be misremembering. but i haven't reread it because IM SCARED OF IT. IM GOING TO GET SO MUCH SECONDHAND EMBARASSMENT AND CRINGE AT MYSELF OH GOD. ITS SO ASS. FUCKING HELL. my characterization is kinda ass (all of the characters), my writing quality/skill is unpolished... so many things. my description is okay... meh... i guess. my dialogue is probably the best part of the fic, and that's only halfway decent. but at the same time, i remember pouring my heart into this fic. i really do. conceptually, i think it was okay, and i remember it meaning a lot to me. i guess i just... sort of grew up and out of it. i mean, its been two years, pretty much. i wrote it in the midst of a bad depression slump, and i was younger, and... a lot changed since then, bascially. okay maybe i should reread it. fuck. we'll see i guess. i have a love hate relationship with this fic, that's all ill say for now. it'd probably make... top 6 or top 7. yeah. not sure. not top 5 though, sorry.

anyway, thank you so much for the question again op, and i'm so sorry for the late reply! and for yapping. i yapped a lot. hopefully you liked reading it though. much love, hope you have an amazing day, and let's gear up for worlds semis this weekend!!

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

4, 7, 13, and 19 for the fanfic writing asks

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

Oh man, you're making me CHOOSE??? This is fucked up and evil actually. Okay. Ugh, there are so many I love... buuut I can probably muster up three currently updating fics. If anyone wants my completed fic recommendations then ask away!

First of all, @angeart 's wonderful(ly evil) Help Me To Breathe, which I have been commenting essays on for a while now. I'm biased because we're friends but this fic does so many things right - it is long but for me it's definitely worth it. How she handles mental health struggles is really poetic whilst remaining grounded, which I appreciate a lot. If you're looking for... 242k words (so far) of scarian angst, this is the fic to check out. It's not finished yet but it is worth waiting for.

Next, @definitelynotshouting 's lost in the dark (he's got a heavy heart) is THE fic that started my obsession with watcher!Grian. It's the fic that inspired my own watcher/listener series (shameless self promo) and it is constantly taking up space in my brain. It is devastatingly sad, but it is about recovery, ultimately, and again I really love how it's being handled so far. Really worth the read.

Finally, @uhohbestie 's There Are Monsters Nearby .... when I say this fic has been living in my head rent free... I mean this fic has been LIVING. THRIVING. in my mind. This is truly classic zombie fiction, where the zombies are kind of second to the relationship drama. I love the explorations of disability in the apocalypse, something I myself have been advocating for in my original writing, and the depictions and emotional beats surrounding cheating, flawed perspectives and jealousy are heartbreaking and so realistic. Wonderful fic. I am in shambles. Please read it.

7. Do you prefer to read short fics or long fics?

My ideal fic seems to be anywhere between 5k and 200k, but then some of my favourites have also been oneshots. I tend to go for any multichapter with more than 1k words per chapter, and any oneshot that takes my interest (though a longer one (5k +) will catch my eye a bit more than a drabble). It's kind of hard for me to tell, because I read a lot of unfinished fics, but I do kind of prefer fics that take months to update but give a 5k + chapter every time... longer *tends* to mean slightly higher quality, but that is not always the case. Agh. I don't know. Every rule can be broken.

13. Do you outline your fics? How much of a headache would someone get if they just looked at an outline of yours without reading the fic?

Yes and no. Multichapters tend to get their own little document for organisation with each chapter broken down into scenes. However, for Comms AU, I quite insanely went into it with no plan or outline. Yes, I am just now getting an outline together. Yes, it is a fic with 5 different timelines happening at once. Yes, I am regretting the lack of plan.

19. Do you edit your fics after you write them, or do you prefer to just hit post and run (because it’s someone else’s problem now)?

I write, then pass at least once (usually twice, sometimes even three times) to edit. My edits usually attempt to flesh out things that feel rushed or don't make sense. My writing is tricky sometimes, I hate writing plainly and that then becomes a weakness when I spend 5 paragraphs describing the texture of the air without actually explaining what's happening. So I try to clean that up. Comms AU gets one edit, usually, because it is just "audio", though with all my fics I sometimes edit as I write - especially if I've taken a break and decide to re-read what I've written.

Thanks for sending these asks! I have discovered that I need to make a longer fic rec post omg...

The ask game!

[practically-an-x-man]

6, 22, 23, 30, 35, 48 for the fanfic asks?

Thank you!!

Fanfiction Writing Asks

6. What’s the last line you wrote?

From what should be the last chapter of A Love Once New, once I actually get it written up:

“Eh. I was fourteen. Heard it had alcohol in it.” he said, “Doesn’t get you drunk, though, just gets you sick as all hell. Without the healing factor I’da probably gone to the hospital.”

(he's talking about vanilla extract lol)

22. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process?  How do you come up with titles?

If it's a oneshot, it's usually after I've finished writing it. For a longfic, I'll usually write the first 3 chapters before I start posting it, and I come up with the title just before posting it. I'm not great with titles (though I'm trying to get better) so I don't really have a system - unless I'm going with song titles, which I do with a couple of my fics - and I just try to come up with whatever I can to get it posted lol

23. Is writing the beginning, middle, or end of the story easiest? Hardest?

The middle is usually the easiest, once I get rolling into the plot and can actually start writing the scenes I want to write. The ending is the hardest, partially because there's always more scenes I could write and it's hard to know when to end it, and partially because I struggle to pace out an ending without it either dragging on or feeling choppy.

30. How much do you edit your fics?  Do you edit as you write or wait until you finish the first draft?

I usually edit as I write - I start each writing session by rereading what I've already written and making tweaks. Then I give it one final scan as I'm getting it uploaded to AO3/tumblr (mostly bc I have to manually input my italics and things into AO3).

35. What’s your favorite fic you’ve posted?

Aw man, I love them all for different reasons!! I think Desert Song has some of the most unique character interactions, and I think Quinn is one of my most dynamic OCs. Taking Flight and WWFA? have some of my best stylistic writing, especially with the descriptions of magic. Heartstrings also has really fun emotional descriptions and character interactions, and some of my favorite dialogue. Smoke and Mirrors is about recovery and finding home, and I still adore its friends-to-lovers arc. Bolts and Blasters is a really fun slowburn and has strong themes of expectation vs. choice. Catch and Release deals with grief, and has some of the best fight scenes I've ever written. Eris' fics are fun because of their dynamic with Rick, and Nikoletta's I love because of the themes of physical and emotional healing.

That probably just sounds like I'm bragging on myself, and maybe I am a little, but I really do set out for something different in each of my fics and I think I strike on different strengths with every single one. I really can't choose!

48. Who is your favorite character to write for?  Has this changed since you’ve started writing for that fandom?

Agh man, this one is also impossible to choose between!! One of my favorite things in writing is character analysis and exploring different dynamics, so I love these characters all for different reasons too! I could ramble on again like I did in the last question, because I really do have something to love about every character I write for...

But for the sake of making a choice, I'll say this: Quinn is the most fun OC to write since she's such a total wild card, and Warren/Angel will always be my number one canon character to write for because he has such an interesting story and a lot of emotional depth to explore. Abner Krill has also become a recent favorite, since he's also got a lot of emotional trauma and depth to explore.

[allegedlyfranzferdinand]

Bert Coules A Scandal in Bohemia transcript

Hello! I’ve long been aware that there’s no readily available transcripts of the Bert Coules/Clive Merrison Sherlock Holmes radio shows. To remedy this, I am working (slowly) on some transcripts myself.

Below the cut is my full transcription of the first episode, A Scandal in Bohemia. Please let me know if there are any errors/anything missing that I should include! I’m not a professional, just someone trying to make these shows a little more accessible, since I really do love them. Enjoy!

THE ADVENTURES OF SHERLOCK HOLMES

A Scandal in Bohemia

Radioplay by Bert Coules

(Transcribed by Plato)

 [EPISODE BEGINS]

 [A slap]

 IRENE ADLER: Ow!

 FIRST BURGLAR: Where is it?  

 [IRENE ADLER sobs and breathes heavily]

 Where is it? I’m losing my patience with you, lady!

 [The sound of ripping, a struggle]

 Ow! You whoring--!

 SECOND BURGLAR: That’s enough! This isn’t going to work. Let her go.

 FIRST BURGLAR: Let me cut her up a bit.

 SECOND BURGLAR: No! You heard the orders. Besides, look at that face. You wouldn’t want to ruin its market value.

 [He spits and laughs]

 Superb. Let her go.

 [Violin introduction plays]

 ANNOUNCER: A Scandal in Bohemia by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Dramatised for radio by Bert Coules. With Clive Merrison as Sherlock Holmes and Michael Williams as Dr. John Watson. And featuring Sarah Biddell as Irene Adler, and Andrew Sachs as the King.

 A Scandal in Bohemia.

 [Violin introduction finishes]

 JOHN WATSON [V/O]: To Sherlock Holmes, she is always the woman. I have seldom heard him mention her under any other name. In his eyes, she eclipses and predominates the whole of her sex. It was not that he felt anything akin to love for her; all emotions (and that one particularly) were abhorrent to his precise analytical mind.

 SHERLOCK HOLMES [with disgust]: Love! Love is an emotional thing, and whatever is emotional is opposed to true, cold reason.

 JOHN WATSON: Which you place above everything else!

 HOLMES: Of course! I should never marry myself-

 WATSON: Ha! I’d like to see the woman who’d take you on.

 HOLMES: -Lest I bias my judgment.

 WATSON: I trust that my judgment may survive the ordeal!

 HOLMES: Agh.

 WATSON [V/O]: And yet to him, there was one woman. And that woman was the beautiful Irene Adler, of dubious and questionable memory.

 [IRENE ADLER’s voice, singing German opera with piano accompaniment.]

 I had seen little of Holmes lately. My marriage had drifted us away from each other. My own complete happiness, and the home-centered interests which rise up around the man who first finds himself master of his own establishment, were sufficient to absorb my attention. While Holmes, who loathed every form of society with his whole Bohemian soul, remained alone in our old lodgings. Buried among his books and his chemicals, and alternating, so I presume, between cocaine and ambition. The drowsiness of the drug and the fierce energy of his own nature. Beyond the occasional vague accounts of his activities, which I shared with all the readers of the daily press, I knew nothing of my former friend.

 Then, one night when my journey home from a patient led me through Baker Street, and I passed the well-remembered door, I was seized with a keen desire to see him again.

 [The opening of a door and the ringing of the bell. WATSON sputters with cold. The door closes]

 WATSON: Good evening, Mrs. Hudson! [He startles.] Oh, why, I do beg your pardon.

 MRS. TURNER: Good evening, sir. My name is Turner. May I help you?

 WATSON: Well, uh, is Mr. Sherlock Holmes in?

 TURNER: He is, sir. Do you have an appointment?

 WATSON: An appointment? No, no I don’t.

TURNER: I’ll ask if Mr. Holmes will see you. What name shall I say?

 MRS. HUDSON: Dr. Watson!

 WATSON: Mrs. Hudson! It’s good to see you again.

 TURNER: Martha, you shouldn’t be on your feet.

 HUDSON: Nonsense, Alice. Come in, Doctor, come in.

 WATSON: Thank you very much.

 [He steps inside]

 TURNER: Now, Martha, you go and rest.

 HUDSON: Stop fussing ‘round me, Alice, I’m perfectly alright.

 TURNER: Just as you like. I’ll be in the kitchen if I’m wanted.

 [She leaves and shuts the door behind her]

 WATSON: Mrs. Hudson, who on earth was that?

 HUDSON: Oh, you mustn’t mind her, Doctor, she’s my cousin, Alice Turner. She’s been. . . giving me a hand.

 WATSON: Have you been ill?

 HUDSON: Oh, I’m fine now. She’ll be off home in a day or two, and neither she nor Mr. Holmes will be shedding a tear about it if I’m any judge. Now let me look at you.

 Doctor, you’re a real sight for sore eyes. And how’s Mrs. Watson?

 WATSON: She’s very well, thank you. Mrs. Hudson, you shouldn’t let him wear you into the ground. Why didn’t you send for me?

 HUDSON: Now, sir, you have your own life to lead. And a good woman to be thinking of. I’ll announce you.

 WATSON: No-no-no-no, you stay down here and get some rest. Do you, uh, do you think he’ll be pleased to see me?

 HUDSON: Of course he will! Up you go, now.

 [HOLMES plays the violin.]

 [There is a knocking at the door. HOLMES sighs.]

 HOLMES: Yes? What is it? Come in, Mrs. Turner.

 [The door opens and WATSON enters]

 WATSON: Good evening, Holmes.

 HOLMES: Watson.

 WATSON: I was. . . Passing the door.

 HOLMES: Pray, come in.

 WATSON: Thank you. [He shuts the door] Phew! It’s a cold night.

 HOLMES: Wedlock suits you. You’ve put on seven and a half pounds since I saw you last.

 WATSON: Seven.

 HOLMES: Just a trifle more, I fancy.

 WATSON: Perhaps.

 HOLMES: You are back in practice, but your list is not yet a long one. Tonight, you called on a patient in a prosperous household to which you traveled by four-wheeler. You got yourself very wet lately, and you have a most clumsy and careless servant-girl. Would you care for a whisky?

 [WATSON laughs and HOLMES joins in.]

 WATSON: My dear fellow, how are you?

 HOLMES: Oh, I’ve been kept busy.

 WATSON: I’m delighted to hear it.

 HOLMES: Now take- take off your coat, Watson. Have a seat.

 [WATSON and HOLMES both groan and sigh as WATSON removes his coat and sits down.]

 WATSON: Thank you.

 HOLMES: Now, you’ll join me in a drink?

 WATSON: That would be very welcome.

 HOLMES: How is Mrs. Watson?

 WATSON: Oh! She’s in excellent spirits.

 HOLMES: Ah, splendid, splendid. Ah, ah, here we are. . . [he hands WATSON a drink]

 WATSON: Thank you. To your very good health.

 HOLMES: And yours.

 WATSON: Mary is just about to give notice to our servant-girl, though how you could tell that she was so bad is beyond me. You know, if you’d have lived a few centuries ago, you would certainly have been burned.

 HOLMES: That would have been a tragedy. Then the world would have been denied your colourful exercises in romantic fiction.

 WATSON: Oho, you mean those reprehensible little efforts that have made your name and brought you so much work?

 [HOLMES attempts to interrupt]

 Now, no, no, don’t waste your time thinking up another sarcastic answer. Just tell me how you knew about Mary Jane.

 HOLMES: By the inner side of your left shoe.

 WATSON [sighing]: Go on.

 [HOLMES cackles and claps]

 HOLMES: Hm! The leather is scored by six parallel cuts where someone has very carelessly scraped mud from the edge of the sole-mud so long-neglected it has completely crusted. Hence, my double deduction: that you had been out in vile weather, and that you had a particularly malignant, boot-slitting specimen of the London slavey.

 WATSON [chuckling]: Ridiculously simple.

 HOLMES: Well, then I won’t insult your intelligence by explaining the rest.

 [A rustle of paper; a letter being handed over.]

 Have a look at this—it came by the last post.

 WATSON: Pink paper. No address, no date, no signature. [reading] “There will call upon you to-night at a quarter to eight o’clock a gentleman-“ Holmes, that’s in about five minutes!

 HOLMES: Read on.

 WATSON [reading]: “-a gentleman who desires to consult you upon a matter of the very deepest moment. Your recent services to [with incredulity] one of the royal houses of Europe-“

 HOLMES: Holland.

 WATSON [reading]: “-have shown that you are one who may safely be trusted with matters which are of an importance which can hardly be exaggerated.” Mm, Holmes!

 HOLMES: Bah! [He takes the letter and reads] “This account of you we have from all quarters received. Be in your chamber at that hour.”

 WATSON: What do you imagine it means?

 HOLMES: Now, Watson, how many times? It is a capital mistake to theorise before one has data. But we have the note itself. What do you deduce from it?

 WATSON: Eh, it’s a man’s writing, and he’s well-to-do. Paper like this couldn’t be bought under half a crown a packet. It’s peculiarly strong and stiff.

 HOLMES: Peculiar is the very word. It’s not an English paper. Hold it up to the light.

 WATSON: Ah, yes, there’s a watermark. “EGPGT”. A paper company’s monogram? German?

 HOLMES: Very good. Egria Papier Gesellschaft.

 WATSON: Egria?

 HOLMES: Eh, in Bohemia. And the writer of the note is a German-speaker, eh?

 WATSON: Hm? Ah! “This account of you we have from all quarters received.”

 HOLMES: Only a German is so uncourteous to his verbs.

 [WATSON chuckles.]

 HOLMES: A-ha!

 WATSON: What is it?

 HOLMES: Teutonic punctuality. I believe I heard. . . [he moves the curtain] Yes, a nice little brougham, and a pair of beauties, a hundred and fifty guineas apiece, easily. There’s money in this case, if there’s nothing else. And there is our man!

 WATSON: What’s he like?

 HOLMES: Six foot six, built like Hercules, appallingly overdressed, and exhibiting an intense desire for anonymity.

 WATSON: Anonymity?

 HOLMES: He’s wearing a mask.

 WATSON: A mask, for goodness’ sake?

 [The bell rings]

 Ah, I’d better go.

 HOLMES: Not a bit, doctor. Stay where you are.

 WATSON: Yeah, but- but your client!

 HOLMES: Never mind him, you’ll find a notebook and a pencil on my desk. If you’ve no objection.

 WATSON [with feeling]: My dear fellow.

 HOLMES: I am lost without my Boswell.

 WATSON: Thank you, Holmes.

 [A sturdy knock at the door.]

 HOLMES: Well, whoever he is, he’s survived Mrs. Turner. Come in!

 [The door opens and KING WILHELM GOTTSREICH SIGISMOND VON ORMSTEIN enters]

 KING WILHELM: You had my note. I told you that I would call.

 HOLMES: You did. Pray, take a seat.

 KING WILHELM: Who is this person?

 HOLMES: This is my friend and colleague, Dr. Watson. Whom have I the honor to address?

 KING WILHELM: You may address me as the Count von Kramm, a Bohemian nobleman. I should much prefer to communicate with you alone.

 WATSON: I should leave.

 HOLMES: No, Doctor! It is both or none, Count; you may say before this gentleman anything which you may say to me.

 KING WILHELM: Very well. [He sits] You will excuse this mask. The august person who employs me wishes his agent to be unknown to you, and I may confess that the title by which I have just called myself is not exactly my own.

 HOLMES: I was aware of it.

 KING WILHELM: The circumstances are of great delicacy, and could grow into an immense scandal. It is not too much to say that the whole course of European history could be affected. To speak plainly, the matter implicates the great house of Ormstein, Kings of Bohemia.

 HOLMES [yawning]: I was also aware of that.

 KING WILHELM: Sir! You were represented to me as the most energetic agent and most incisive reasoner in Europe!

 HOLMES: Your informer was not in error.

 KING WILHELM: This is intolerable!

 HOLMES: If you would condescend to state your case, I should be better able to advise Your Majesty.

 WATSON: Your Majesty?

 [KING WILHELM sputters and stands.]  

 KING WILHELM: [He sighs] You are right. I am the King. [He scoffs]. Why should I attempt to conceal it?

 HOLMES: Why indeed? Your Majesty had not spoken before I was aware that I was addressing Wilhelm Gottsreich Sigismond von Ormstein, Grand Duke of Cassel-Felstein, and hereditary King of Bohemia. Do, please sit down.

 [KING WILHELM sits.]

 HOLMES: Thank you. Now, Doctor, if you please?

 WATSON: Certainly.

 KING WILHELM: What are you doing?

 WATSON: I’m taking notes. Confidential notes.

 KING WILHELM: Very well. The facts are briefly these: some five years ago, when I was still only Crown Prince, I made the acquaintance of the well-known adventuress Irene Adler. The- the name is no doubt familiar to you?

 HOLMES: Irene Adler. Look her up in my index, Doctor.

 WATSON: Yes. [He rustles through the books] Adler, Adler. . . Ah: Adler, Irene. She’s a singer, born in New Jersey in ’58. Here.

 [WATSON passes the book to HOLMES]

 HOLMES: Thank you. Contralto, hm. La Scala, hm! Imperial Opera of Warsaw, yes, retired from the operatic stage two years ago at the age of only twenty-eight, now lives in London, once celebrated throughout Europe as. . . as an adventuress. Quite so. Your Majesty, as I understand, became entangled with this. . . person.

 KING WILHELM: Entangled. . . yes. Yes, that is exactly the word.

 [Flashback-the sound of IRENE ADLER laughing and the beat of horses’ hooves at a canter.]

 IRENE ADLER: That’s three races in a row, Willy! What’s the matter with you?

 KING WILHELM: The next time I buy you a horse, I’ll do the choosing! The slowest one I can find.

 IRENE ADLER: You just don’t like being outridden by a woman.

 KING WILHELM: Or perhaps I’ll give you something less exhausting.

 IRENE ADLER: A yacht? I’ve always wanted a yacht.

 KING WILHELM: What would you do with a yacht?

 IRENE ADLER: Willy, there are things you can do on a yacht that you can’t do on a horse.

 [KING WILHELM laughs]

 Come on!

 [The horses’ hooves pick up again.]

 KING WILHELM: Ah, she was beautiful, elegant, clever. She was the most refreshing, the most natural woman I’ve ever encountered. And the most audacious.

 IRENE ADLER [flashback]: Ready, Willy? Here I come.

 KING WILHELM [somewhat incredulous]: Irene.

 IRENE ADLER: Don’t you like the suit? It’s one of my favorites.

 KING WILHELM: It’s- is this some kind of a joke? What have you done to yourself?

 IRENE ADLER: I thought we’d go for a stroll. These are my walking clothes.

 KING WILHELM: You expect me to appear in public with you looking like that? For God’s sake, woman, what will people say?

 IRENE ADLER: Is that all you ever think about? Listen, my love, once I fix my hair I can fool anyone.

 KING WILHELM: You’re not serious.

 IRENE ADLER: I’m perfectly serious. Now shut up and kiss me.

 Well? What are you waiting for?

 KING WILHELM: I want to remember this moment. [he chuckles.] I never kissed a man before.

 [They kiss.]

 HOLMES: And Your Majesty wrote this singular young lady some compromising letters, and is now desirous of getting those letters back?

 KING WILHELM: But how could you possibly know that? I’m not exaggerating when I say that if certain individuals suspected that I even so much as spoke to that woman, the effects would be calamitous.

 HOLMES: Was there a secret marriage?

 KING WILHELM: No, none.

 HOLMES: No legal papers or certificates?

 KING WILHELM: None.

 HOLMES: Then I fail to follow, Your Majesty. If she should produce her letters, how is she to prove their authenticity?

 KING WILHELM: There’s the writing.

 HOLMES: Oh, but forgery!

 KING WILHELM: My private notepaper!

 WATSON: Stolen.

 KING WILHELM: My own seal!

 HOLMES: Imitated.

 KING WILHELM: She has my photograph!

 WATSON: Bought.

 KING WILHELM: We were both in the photograph.

 HOLMES: Oh dear, that is very bad. Your Majesty has indeed committed an indiscretion.

 KING WILHELM: I was mad- insane! The photograph is. . . is particularly compromising.

 [HOLMES laughs]

 This is a highly serious matter!

 HOLMES [still laughing]: But certainly. You have placed yourself in a difficult position.

 KING WILHELM: That photograph must be recovered. I have tried and failed. Burglars in my employ have ransacked her house! Her luggage has been diverted when she traveled, twice she has been waylaid!

 WATSON: Waylaid?

 KING WILHELM: There has been no result.

 HOLMES: You must pay; it must be bought.

 KING WILHELM: She will not sell.

 HOLMES: Indeed? Then if blackmail is not the lady’s aim. . .

 KING WILHELM: She proposes to ruin me.

 HOLMES: How?

 KING WILHELM: I am about to be married.

 HOLMES: So I have heard.

 KING WILHELM: To Clotilde Lothman von Saxe-Meningen, second daughter of the King of Scandinavia.

 WATSON: A family of strict principles.

 KING WILHELM: The strictest! The princess herself is the very soul of delicacy. A shadow of doubt as to my conduct would bring the matter to an end. That must not be allowed to happen!

 HOLMES: And Irene Adler. . .

 KING WILHELM: Threatens to send them the photograph, and she will do it. I know that she will do it! She has a soul of steel. She has the face of the most beautiful of women, and the mind of the most resolute of men.

 WATSON: You’re sure that she hasn’t sent it already?

 KING WILHELM: Yes, I’m sure. She has said that she would send it on the day that the betrothal is publicly announced. That would be next Monday.

 HOLMES: Oh, we have three days! That is very fortunate. I do have one or two matters of importance to look into just at the present. Your Majesty has not told us everything.

 KING WILHELM: What do you mean?

 HOLMES: Why will she do this thing? Why does she wish to see you ruined?

KING WILHELM: You ask the obvious. She fell hopelessly in love with me. Rather than see me marry another woman, there are no lengths to which she would not go.

 HOLMES: Rather than see you marry another woman?

 KING WILHELM [sputtering]: Somehow, somehow she gained the impression that. . .

 WATSON [incredulous]: You proposed marriage to her?

 KING WILHELM: It was a joke, a fantasy, how could she not see that?

 HOLMES: Your Majesty will, of course, stay in London for the present.

 KING WILHELM: You will find me at the Langham Hotel. As the Count von Kramm.

 HOLMES: Of course. As to money. . .

 KING WILHELM: I would give one of the provinces of my kingdom to regain that photograph.

 WATSON: Good Lord.

 HOLMES: And for present expenses?

 KING WILHELM: This bag contains three hundred pounds in gold and seven hundred in notes. I do not require a receipt.

 HOLMES: And mademoiselle’s address?

 KING WILHELM: St. John’s Wood. Here are the details.

 [He hands over a piece of paper.]

 Do not fail me.

 [He shuts the door behind him. HOLMES and WATSON both exhale.]

 WATSON: Holmes?

 HOLMES: A charming gentleman. I’m not sure that I do not approve of the lady’s intentions.

 WATSON: You’re defending her? A woman of that sort?

 HOLMES: Watson, I’m interested in her motives, not her morals.

 WATSON: Well then, you’d willingly see her create an international scandal?

 HOLMES: It’s possible that she has no intention of doing anything of the sort. She’s certainly intelligent enough to know that the threat of exposure can be infinitely worse than the actuality.

 WATSON: How can you possibly know that?

 HOLMES: To live a successful life outside the conventional boundaries of society requires intelligence as well as bravery.

 WATSON: If you feel that way, why did you accept the case?

 HOLMES: Because a man who’s already tried burglary, theft, and violence is only a small step from something more drastic.

 WATSON: You can’t mean that. A reigning monarch?

 HOLMES: Powerful interests are at work here, Watson. I believe I can resolve the situation with a minimum of fuss.

 WATSON: Assuming you manage to recover the photograph.

 HOLMES [offended]: Oh, really, Doctor!

 [HOLMES begins to scrape at his violin]

 And now- good night to you.

 WATSON: Oh. Good night.

 HOLMES: Would you care to call tomorrow afternoon at three?

 WATSON: With pleasure. Thank you. [He opens the door.]

 HOLMES: Excellent. I should value a chat with you then.

 WATSON: Till tomorrow, then.

 Eh. . . Holmes? It was good to see you again. Goodnight.

 HOLMES: Goodnight.

 [He leaves and shuts the door.]

 [A violin interlude plays.]

 [The sound of a horse walking in harness, snorting.]

 COACHMAN [shushing the horse]: Easy, boy! Hold him, would you mate?

 HOLMES [affecting an accent similar to the COACHMAN’s] Yeah, easy there. That’s better. Good boy, good boy. Yeah.

 COACHMAN: You got away right enough, why’d you lose your last place? The drink, was it?

 HOLMES: Yeah.

 COACHMAN: Yeah, I thought so. Just have to look at you. Bloody fool, you are. It’s not worth it.

 HOLMES: I know.

 COACHMAN: Oh, I do. I’ve been off it two years now. See where I am.

 HOLMES: Good post, is it? Good mistress?

 COACHMAN: Never had better. Treats me like I’m somebody, know what I mean? Hey, chuck over the blanket.

 HOLMES: ‘Ere.

 [There is a rustle of a horse’s blanket being moved.]

 COACHMAN: Thanks.

 HOLMES: No chance of somethin’ here, I suppose? Bit of a casual. . .?

 COACHMAN: Yeah, give me a hand for a bit. I’ll see you all right for a bit.

 [A woman approaches, singing.]

 Hang on.

 HOLMES: What?

 COACHMAN: Listen.

 [The woman’s voice gets louder.]

 That’s her. Nice, eh?

 HOLMES: Yeah. Nice.

 [The scene changes to Baker Street. HOLMES is removing his disguise.]

 WATSON: I had to look three times before I was sure it was you. One of your best.

 HOLMES [still affecting the accent]: Oh, thank you, Doctor. I’m afraid your opinion isn’t shared by the fearsome Mrs. Turner.

 WATSON: She saw you? Done up like that?

 HOLMES [no longer affecting the accent]: In the hall, when I came in. It took me five minutes to convince her that I wasn’t a burglar, and as soon as I had succeeded she announced her intention of “leaving this madhouse, never to return.”

 [WATSON laughs.]

 WATSON: Holmes, you’re outrageous.

 HOLMES: Thank you.

 WATSON: I take it you’ve been out to Irene Adler’s house.

 HOLMES: Exactly. It’s a bijou villa, two stories, with stables at the side and a secluded avenue. Chubb locks on the doors and window-fasteners that a child could open.

 WATSON: Did you find anything else?

 HOLMES: Oh yes. There’s a wonderful Freemasonry among horsey men. Be one of them, and soon you’ll know all there is to know. [He winces] In return for two hours of fetching and carrying, I received tuppence, two fills of shag tobacco, and as much information as I could desire.

 WATSON: And?

 HOLMES: She’s turned all the men’s heads down in that part, and she’s spoken of with considerable respect. She lives quietly, drives out at five each day, and returns at seven sharp. She has only one male visitor, but a good deal of him.

 WATSON: Just a moment. [He takes out his notebook] Right. Go on.

 HOLMES: Mr. Godfrey Norton, dark, handsome, and dashing. Never calls less than once a day, and often twice. He’s a lawyer.

 WATSON: A lawyer. Is she his client? And if she is, what are they planning?

 HOLMES: Exactly. Or is she his mistress? That was the next question to be answered.

 WATSON: “Was”? You’ve answered it, then?

 [HOLMES laughs}

 I take it that’s a yes.

 HOLMES: After I’d exhausted my friend in the mews, I went ‘round to the front of the house and lounged. Halfway through my first pipeful, things began to happen.

 [Flashback, the sound of horses trotting.]

 GODFREY NORTON: Wait there, cabbie!

 CABBIE: Sir.

 HOLMES [V/O]: It was Norton himself, exactly as he’d been described to me. He pushed past the maid with the air of a man who is thoroughly at home.

 NORTON: Get your mistress’ carriage, hurry, girl!

 HOLMES [V/O}: The maid rushed ‘round the corner to the mews, and I could see Norton through the windows of the sitting-room, pacing up and down and waving his arms. I was concerned about being so obvious an observer, but he ran straight past me when he emerged, and I doubt even registered my presence.

 NORTON: The church of St. Monica in the Edgeware Road. Half a guinea if you do it in twenty minutes.

 CABBIE: Right you are, sir! Up there!

 [Horse’s hooves as the cab starts off.]

 HOLMES [V/O]: Before Norton’s cab had turned the corner, up drove my friend the coachman on a neat little landau, and before I could even think about concealing myself, Irene Adler had swept past me and climbed in.

 WATSON: You saw her? What’s she like?

 IRENE ADLER: The church of St. Monica, John, we must reach there before twelve.

 COACHMAN: Ma’am. Up there!

 [Horse’s hooves as his cab goes too.]

 WATSON: Holmes? What is she like?

 HOLMES: She is a lovely woman, Watson. With a face a man might die for.

 WATSON: Face a man might die. . . [he swallows] What did you do?

 HOLMES: I was just balancing whether I should run for it or whether I should perch on the back of her landau when a cab came from the street. The driver looked twice at such a shabby fare, but I jumped in before he could object. We drove like the devil, but the others were there before us.

 PRIEST: Forgive me, sir, but you must allow me to know my business. I tell you that it would not be valid.

 NORTON: But it’s well before twelve! What’s your objection?

 PRIEST: That is not the only requirement the Lord demands! I’m sorry, but we simply cannot proceed!

 HOLMES [V/O]: I lounged up the side aisle, keeping in the shadows. I would have sworn that they had no idea I was there, but she spun ‘round and looked straight at me.

 IRENE ADLER: Godfrey, over there.

 NORTON: What? Oh, yes. Uh, you!

 HOLMES [affecting the accent]: Uh- me, guv’nor?

 NORTON: Eh, yes, you, come here!

 HOLMES: Oh, well, I dunno. . .

 NORTON: Oh, come on! Move, man!

 [HOLMES walks up, dragging his feet.]

 HOLMES: Yes, guv’nor? Missus?

 NORTON: Just stand there quietly, please. Well, man?

 PRIEST: Splendid. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the sight of God. . . [his voice quiets and becomes background noise.]

 HOLMES [V/O]: Before I knew where I was, I was holding a ring and generally assisting in the secure tying-up of Irene Adler, spinster, to Godfrey Norton, bachelor. It was the most preposterous position I’ve ever found myself in. I was standing as close to her as I am to you. Closer.

 WATSON: Did she suspect you?

 HOLMES: I do not believe so. After the ceremony, we exchanged a few words.

 WATSON: What! Holmes?

 HOLMES: There was no avoiding it!

 PRIEST: Congratulations to you both.

 NORTON: Thank you very much.

 IRENE ADLER: Yes, thank you.

 NORTON: Come along then, Mrs. Norton.

 [IRENE ADLER chuckles]

 IRENE ADLER: Oh, just one moment, Godfrey.

 Sir? Please.

 HOLMES [affecting his accent]: Me, missus?

 IRENE ADLER: Please, come here.

 HOLMES: Ma’am?

 IRENE ADLER: I wanted to thank you. For being there when we needed you.

 HOLMES: Oh, it’s my pleasure, ma’am.

 IRENE ADLER: I think you were a lucky omen for our future. It was fate that brought you into the church.

 HOLMES: I, uh, I don’t believe in fate, missus.

 IRENE ADLER: Oh, my friend. Don’t you have any romance in you at all?

 HOLMES: Um. . . I best be off, ma’am.

 IRENE ADLER: Wait! Here.

 HOLMES: No, missus. I’m not a beggar.

 IRENE ADLER: To please me.

 HOLMES: I’m obliged, then, ma’am. Good luck to you.

 IRENE ADLER: And to you, my friend.

 WATSON [in the present]: What did she give you?

 HOLMES: A sovereign! Here. I mean to wear it on my watch-chain in memory of the occasion.

 WATSON: Hm. A very unexpected turn of affairs.

 HOLMES: There was still one more surprise to come. After being in such a palpable rush to get married, bride and groom proceeded to go their separate ways! He, back to the inn at Temple and she to her home. She even plans to take her usual evening drive! I heard her say so. It’s as if they wanted to keep the whole thing a secret.

 WATSON: If you were right about the King’s intentions, and they’ve somehow got wind of them, it could be that she feels safer as Norton’s wife than as his mistress. Or was it no more than a sudden whim? Did she strike you as a creature of impulse?

 Holmes?

 HOLMES: We must act quickly. I need your cooperation this evening.

 WATSON: I should be delighted.

 HOLMES: You will require stealth, nerve, and accuracy.

 WATSON: Accuracy?

 HOLMES: Yes. One more thing: I trust you’ve no objection to breaking the law?

 [A violin interlude plays.]

 [Horse’s hooves.]

 HOLMES [affecting an old man’s voice]: It’s good of you to accompany me, young man. It’s rare nowadays to encounter such courtesy. I fear you may find my conversation a little limited.

 WATSON: Please, Holmes. Leave it until we’re there.

 HOLMES [in his own voice]: Having second thoughts, Watson?

 WATSON: I suppose you do know that impersonating a minister of the church is a criminal offence?

 HOLMES: Yes, well, so is throwing a smoke rocket through somebody’s front window, and you’ve already agreed to that.

 WATSON: Look, are you really sure that the photograph is somewhere in the house?

 HOLMES: I don’t believe she’d entrust it to somebody else.

 WATSON: But the King had the house burgled!

 HOLMES: Pah! They didn’t know how to look.

 WATSON: How will you look?

 HOLMES: I will not look.

 WATSON: Well then?

 HOLMES: I’ll get her to show me.

 [The sound of voices yelling, arguing.]

 WATSON: Holmes, this is not what I would call a quiet avenue.

 BEGGAR: Look, spare a coin, sir? Spare a coin for an old soldier?

 HOLMES [affecting the old man’s voice]: Oh, you poor soul! Give him something, Doctor.

 WATSON: Here you are, my man.

 BEGGAR: Oh, God bless you, sir. And you too, Father.

 HOLMES: Ah, here comes the landau. Good luck, Watson.

 WATSON: And you.

 BEGGAR: Here she comes!

 [Horse’s hooves approaching]

 BEGGAR: Let me open the door for you, lady!

 [A cacophony of voices, arguing over who was there to help IRENE ADLER first.]

 IRENE ADLER: What’s going on? Get away from my carriage!

 [The voices escalate]

 John?

 BEGGAR : Clear off out of here, you heard the lady!

 IRENE ADLER: John!

 HOLMES [affecting his old man’s voice]: Stop it! Stop it at once! This is common brawling. Madam, I shall escort you to the door. Pray, take my arm.

 SECOND BEGGAR: Get lost, you old fool!

 [The sound of glass breaking, and HOLMES cries out in pain.]

 Oh my god. . .

 COACHMAN: You drunken idiot! Stand back there, give him some air!

 IRENE ADLER: John? Is the gentleman all right?

 COACHMAN: He’s still breathing. Come on, get out of here! Clear off!

 IRENE ADLER: Well, we can’t leave him lying here. Help bring him into the house.

 [Inside the house]

 Sir? Sir, can you hear me?

 [HOLMES moans deliriously.]

 Let me look at those cuts. Turn your head this way.

 HOLMES: No, no. . . Madam, I beg you. It’s nothing.

 IRENE ADLER: But you’re bleeding.

 HOLMES: A scratch. B-but madam, you? Were you injured?

 IRENE ADLER: Quite unscathed, I assure you.

 HOLMES: Oh, thank the Lord. They were roughs, madam. They meant to have your purse.

 IRENE ADLER: Well, they did not succeed. Thanks to you, my friend.

 HOLMES: Well, we live in evil times. I do not understand it, this mad desire to do harm to others! It will destroy our civilization.

 IRENE ADLER: Not while there is goodness and love in the world, and brave gentlemen who think of others before themselves.

 HOLMES: Oh, and gracious ladies. Amen to that, madam. Amen to that.

 [He gasps for air.]

 IRENE ADLER: Oh no, my dear sir-

 [She pours HOLMES a glass of water.]

 Here. Come, lift your head, let me help you. Take a sip of this. Slowly, now.

 HOLMES: I, I cannot breathe!

 IRENE ADLER: I’ll give you some air.

 [She slides open the window while HOLMES pants.]

 Oh, do not try to stand!

 [There is a clatter- the smoke bomb has been thrown into the window. It fizzes.]

 IRENE ADLER: What on earth?

 HOLMES: Fire! Fire, madam! They’re burning the house! Save yourself!

 IRENE ADLER: But- but this is ridiculous!

 [Voices outside, all screaming ‘fire!’]

 HOLMES: Save yourself, madam!

 IRENE ADLER: Don’t alarm yourself, my friend! This is just some sort of stupid prank. I’ll ring for someone.

 [She rings the bell.]

 HOLMES: Oh, madam, I implore you! Your life is in peril!

 [They both cough.]

 IRENE ADLER: You are right. We must get out. Wait, I’ll help you. Just one moment.

 [She slides open a compartment.]

 HOLMES: Ah, it’s a false alarm!

 IRENE ADLER: What?

 [She closes the compartment.]

 What did you say?

 HOLMES: You were quite right. Look, madam, in the corner, there’s some sort of smoke device, nothing more!

 [Voices outside, still screaming ‘fire!’]

 You must tell them, they will summon the engine!

 IRENE ADLER: Will they indeed? [shouting out the window] There is no fire! It was a false alarm!

 HOLMES [in the present, in his own voice]: Congratulations, Watson! A first-rate job.

 Doctor?

 WATSON: Holmes, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more heartily ashamed of myself.

 HOLMES: My dear fellow?

 WATSON: When I saw that beautiful creature, and the way she treated you.

 HOLMES: I thought you objected to her morals, Watson.

 WATSON: Damn it, Holmes, she’s a kind and graceful woman! And we were conspiring against her.

 HOLMES: Yes. Lay aside your scruples, Doctor, a job is a job. And it worked perfectly!

 WATSON: You have the photograph?

 HOLMES: I know where it is, hidden behind a sliding panel, just above the right bell-pull.

 WATSON: And how did you find out?

 HOLMES: She showed me, as I told you she would. When a woman thinks that her house is on fire, her instinct is at once to rush to the thing that she values most. It’s an overpowering impulse, and I’ve taken advantage of it several times. A married woman grabs at her baby; an unmarried one reaches for her jewel-box.

 WATSON: And you reasoned that she had nothing in her house more precious to her than that photograph?

 HOLMES: Exactly. And I was correct.

 WATSON: Well, why didn’t you secure it then and there?

 HOLMES: It was too risky. If we’re over-hasty, it may well ruin everything. Now, let’s see if we can’t find a cab. I believe we’ve earned our dinner. You realized of course that everyone in the street was an accomplice?

 WATSON: Only after you’d given me the shock of my life. I really did think you’d been killed.

 HOLMES: Oh, Watson!

 WATSON: Ah, I mean! What would I have said to the King?

 [They laugh into the distance.]

 WATSON: There you are, driver.

 CAB DRIVER: Thank you, sir. Walk on!

 HOLMES: Our quest is practically finished. I shall call back there tomorrow with the King.

 WATSON: With the King?

 HOLMES: Yes. And you, if you’d care to come.

 WATSON: Thank you.

 HOLMES: It’s a well-run household. We shall be shown into the sitting-room to await the lady, but I think it probable that when she comes she may find neither us nor the photograph.

 WATSON: Holmes? [in a whisper] Are you aware that we are being observed?

 HOLMES: Observed?

 WATSON: Mm. The young man in the ulster. A few doors down.

 HOLMES: Oh yes. He’s coming this way.

 Are you sure that Mrs. Watson isn’t expecting you back tonight?

 WATSON: Quite sure! She knows you too well.

 IRENE ADLER [disguised]: Goodnight, Mr. Sherlock Holmes.

 WATSON: Holmes? Someone you know?

 {A violin interlude plays.]

 [The rumble of carriage-wheels and hooves.]

 KING WILHELM: You are sure that we can get the photograph?

 HOLMES: I have hopes.

 KING WILHELM: Hopes? In your wire you said it was certain.

 HOLMES: Irene Adler is married.

 KING WILHELM: Married?

 HOLMES: Yesterday. To an English lawyer named Norton.

 KING WILHELM: Pah! She cannot love him.

 HOLMES: Whyever not?

 KING WILHELM: Because she’s still hopelessly infatuated with me! Why else does she pursue me so?

 [The carriage-wheels stop.]

 MAID: Ah, Mr. Sherlock Holmes, I believe?

 HOLMES: I am Mr. Holmes.

 MAID: Indeed. My mistress told me you were likely to call. She left this morning with her husband for the Continent.

 WATSON: She has left England?

 KING WILHELM: All is lost!

 HOLMES: We shall see!

 MAID: Sir, really!

 HOLMES: Ah, now. . .

 [he opens the compartment.]

 Ah.

 KING WILHELM: There is a photograph?

 HOLMES: Here.

 KING WILHELM: This is not the one!

 HOLMES: What?

 WATSON: Holmes, this is a photograph of the lady by herself!

 HOLMES: So I observe. But this may explain matters.

 KING WILHELM: Eh, if you please.

 HOLMES: It is addressed to me.

 KING WILHELM: To you?

 HOLMES: Yes, to me.

 [he opens the letter.]

 [reading] “My Dear Mr. Sherlock Holmes, you really did it very well. You took me in completely. Until after the alarm of fire, I had not a suspicion. But then, when I found how I’d betrayed myself, I began to think. Yet even after I became suspicious, I found it hard to think evil of such a dear, kind old gentleman as that clergyman. But you know I-“

 KING WILHELM: What is this nonsense? What of the photograph?

 HOLMES: Watson?

 WATSON: Hm. [reading] “But you know I have been trained as an actress myself. Male costume is nothing new to me, and I often take advantage of the freedom which it gives. Last night I followed my mysterious visitor to his door, and so discovered just who it was who had taken such an interest in me.”

 HOLMES: “Goodnight, Mr. Sherlock Holmes.”

 WATSON [reading]: “As to the photograph-“

 KING WILHELM: At last! What does she say?

 WATSON [reading]: “As to the photograph, your client may rest in peace.”

 KING WILHELM: Oh, thank God!

 WATSON [reading]: “The King may do what he will without hinderance from one whom he has cruelly wronged. I love, and am loved, by a better man than he. I leave a rather different photograph, which he may care to possess.”

 KING WILHELM: What a woman! Ah, what a woman!

 WATSON: Yes, indeed. Holmes?

 HOLMES: Thank you.    

 IRENE ADLER [V/O]: Mr. Holmes, I know that you will understand that I keep the photograph only to safeguard myself against any steps which the King might take in the future. You will find the nest empty when you call, as I am sure you shall, tomorrow morning. You, sir, are a formidable antagonist. I remain, dear Mr. Sherlock Holmes, very truly yours. Irene Norton, nee Adler.”

 HOLMES: I am sorry that I have not been able to bring Your Majesty’s business to a more successful conclusion.

 KING WILHELM: On the contrary, my dear sir, nothing could be more successful. I know that her word is inviolate. The photograph is now as safe as if it were on the fire.

 HOLMES: I am glad to hear Your Majesty say so.

 KING WILHELM: Pray, tell me how I can reward you! This ring?

 HOLMES: Your Majesty has something which I should value even more highly.

 KING WILHELM: You have but to name it.

 HOLMES: This photograph.

 KING WILHELM [scoffing]: Irene’s photograph? Well, certainly, if you wish it.

 HOLMES: I thank Your Majesty. Then there is no more to be done in the matter?

 KING WILHELM: Ah, but what a woman. Did I not tell you how quick and resolute she was?  Would she not have made an admirable queen, eh? Is it not a pity she was not on my level?

 HOLMES: From what I have seen of the lady, she seems indeed to be on a very different level to Your Majesty. I have the honor to wish you a very good morning.

 KING WILHELM: Ah, a remarkable individual. I would have permitted him to shake my hand.

 WATSON: Good day, Your Majesty.

 [They leave, and a violin interlude plays.]

 WATSON [V/O]: And that was how a great scandal threatened the Kingdom of Bohemia, and how the best plans of Mr. Sherlock Holmes were beaten by a woman’s wit. He used to make merry if ever I mentioned the cleverness of women, but I have not heard him do it of late. And when he speaks of Irene Adler, or when he refers to her photograph, it is always under the honorable title of the woman.

 [Violin outro plays]

 ANNOUNCER: In A Scandal in Bohemia, Sherlock Holmes was played by Clive Merrison, and Dr. Watson by Michael Williams. Irene Adler was played by Sarah Biddell, and the King of Bohemia by Andrew Sachs. With Mary Allen as Mrs. Hudson, Jenny How as Mrs. Turner, Brian Miller as Norton, Danny Schiller as the priest, and Ian Lindsay as John. Other parts were played by members of the cast. The violinist was Leonard Freedman.

 A Scandal in Bohemia was dramatised for radio by Bert Coules, and directed by Patrick Raynor.

 [Violin outro finishes.]

 [EPISODE ENDS]

[colbyheartland]

Chapter Twenty Eight:

Catacombs!

Yes continue to be brave Vlad!

Oh Swithin. I’m sure that man has seen way too much of Vlad.

He painted the ceiling! Also “he’d get around to it one day” is very relatable and made me take a peek at my own unfinished projects corner.

Ah yes coffins and skulls Nathan, the most homey décor a vampire could want. “Well we can get Rupert out of the closet” VLAD

Late night telescoping can be so romantic actually.

Cute. Cute and very sweet. THE JACKET? THE MOST CLASSIC OF ROMANTIC MOVES? And it’s a classic because it works dammit.

I don’t think that move was quite as unthinking as you believe Vlad. Nathan’s gonna give this vampire a heart-attack which shouldn’t be possible yet here we are. Yes very casual and platonic Vlad. I’m an outsider looking in but this situation would also have me overthinking with my brain melting out of my ears. I know this because it has happened before, being perpetually cold has it’s perks and I wouldn’t know if someone was into me unless they told me directly to my face.

Nathan is incredibly smooth, it’s enviable.

“Only since the first moment I met you” OH YEAH?

It’s happening it’s happening!

Oh. And Nathan wants to talk before they go further of course, very very sweet of him to do and Vlad :( “Too much” I’m coming for you Elizabeth and everyone else who told him that.

A talk about boundaries, that Vlad has never had before, if I could stop being hurt in this story that would be wonderful actually. Nathan thank you, now once this conversation is over take Vlad’s face in your hands and tell him how wonderful he is please, please for me and readers everywhere. It was finally happening and now my heart is breaking whyyyy

Cool cool cool, emotions? In my supernatural world ending vampire romance? More likely than you think. Crying in the club when I was ready for sweetness and romance. And I am getting those things but not without all the healing and love that comes with them agh.

Elizabeth again, biting biting biting and violence and more biting.

Sweetheart he says, sweetheart!

Oh my Nathan. Also wanting to hide but still letting Nathan read his lips. A sweetheart indeed. A necessary conversation but admittedly a slightly awkward one.

Nathan really sees him right down to the bones huh?

Lewd laundry list

Ohhhhhhhhhhhkay

I am not going to go into a lot of detail other for the next few pages for all our sakes but it’s HAPPENING.

Flophouse dandy hehe

The good boy gets us all.

Mortifying but good is an apt description.

Well written uhhhh very well written good lord

Nathan gods above man.

Baby! For every pet name Nathan calls Vlad another year is added to my life.

I need a fan, someone get me a fan and a bottle of cold water!

Because I’m a degenerate this is written like most sex scenes but most GOOD sex scenes. It’s very tender and very sexy.

“Make me” Sound the alarms everyone I’m packing up my things and going into hibernation after I finish this book until the next one comes out because HOO BOY

Vlad no no no this one will stick, stars above this one will stick, and eventually another one will too.

Anyway that chapter was, great, lets go with a nice PG “great” to make a massive understatement.

[carcharsaur]

finally finished something else to put in my got damn tag, let’s go gamers

norn9: var commons an interesting game, charming and understandably a classic from the vita era, but over-ambitious and kind of unfocused and bloated, with a few rough spots

without spoilers, I legit think my perception of this game got really skewed at the beginning based on the play order I did... I would not recommend kakeru first HAHA

I think best off for overall plot elements would be something like: Senri -> Heishi -> Sakuya or Itsuki -> Masamune -> Kakeru -> Akito -> Ron -> Natsuhiko -> epilogue but the only one that is super super required is natsuhiko last, I think. I definitely think them putting kakeru on “recommended” was a MISTAKEEE it left me so dazed about stuff playing it first

part of the game’s problems is just that right there... too many damn routes! a lot of them had endings that felt really unfinished, and there’s a fandisc being localized later this year for the first time but! ideally a game should stand on it’s own merits rather than needing a sequel to feel properly resolved v_v that said, I am rather excited for the FD regardless because I’m invested now lol

on a positive note, I loved all 3 heroines! they’re all characterized distinctly and thoroughly, helped by them all being voiced which I love love love to see in this genre. it helps their characterization a ton, and makes me so much more attached to them. they interact frequently, and have each other’s backs in the stressful situations they find themselves in, rather than squabble over things which was really good. I struggle to pick a favorite from the 3, they all have different charms points and mild frustrations for me. mikoto got the most tears from me overall, I adored koharu and her well-executed (imo) neurodivergent vibes, and I could relate too well to nanami’s emotional wall she builds around herself and her, well, PTSD? T_T haah

my fav pairings for each were: Koharu and Senri, Nanami and Heishi, then Mikoto and Natsuhiko!

-getting into spoilers now-

I also really loved this game’s setting/world lore! it was really interesting, but at the same time it almost feels like the premise of all this would’ve been better served with something that’s not a romance game. it feels like the background and over-arching issues should have had more time and development rather than being brushed over in the course of 10mins in most routes... I know it’s heretical to say for otome games but that’s how it had me feeling. by the time you get to the epilogue it makes thematic sense that the love is an important part but it really, really, does not set that up and build on it well before then so I was left kind of wishy-washy on the game in the middle. I dislike comparing games like this; but the scenario director’s later work, Even If Tempest, handled the romance being integral to the overarching plot much better. though that also was a linear single-perspective story rather than 3 POVS with 3 routes each. orz

getting into more critical things now, the age stuff was a little weird and I just. ignored it most of the time but if that’s something that’s uncomfortable for you (16-17 yr old MCs getting with 20+ yr old guys =_=;) then yeah I strongly do not recommend. they don’t mention it too much but when they do it’s just. man was this necessary. man why did you make nanami 16 when she acts more maturely than the other 2 girls... though that might be the PTSD more than anything AGH. speaking of, I disliked that all of nanami’s routes either have the potential to, or just do straight-up mistreat her... not much to be said about it other than it sucks! it’s not unrealistic but well, forgive me for wanting my romance games to be a bit more idealistic unless they’re going for full tragedy/thriller/etc.

also I think 2 of the routes could’ve been straight-up dropped and had almost no impact on the overall game. ron’s just had... virtually no insight into him other than how awful he is which is like. a matter of taste I guess but god it was more boring than it was shocking or appalling. mundane in his slimy-ness? just magically fix your horrible mans by erasing all the memories that make him who he is. and when he wakes up, he’s somehow the same dude but without all the sadism? wateverrr -_-

and then masamune, I really really like him as a side/support character, and in a bubble I like his character too, and I LOOOOVE his voice actor but man. his dynamic with koharu was uncomfortable. not outright bad but just not a good vibe even if she was never uncomfortable with him it doesn’t sit right. and despite being one of the more ‘important’ characters to the overarching story his route had very little about that stuff in it.. ended up feeling pretty lacking. extremely ironic considering his whole power is being able to see the past of people (and objects?) he touches with his right hand (WHICH ONLY GETS USED ONCE?????). I ended up liking his bad end MORE than his normal end because it focused more on koharu’s relationship with mikoto in a way I liked, even though it was still a tragic circumstance.

they’re just good friends : )

my other least favorite route, which I admit at least has important plot and character and background information, is sakuya’s. I was enjoying it somewhat until he straight up ASSAULTS mikoto in a way that was too visceral and realistic for me, immediately made me want to dumpster him and the lack of real consequence or even anger from the MC in response made him irredeemable to me and I was sick of him by the end. even as a side character he chafed me rather than his overprotective comments being funny or... anything else. common yandere L

on the other hand, I think my fav character overall is heishi. his bad end is a little... huhhh... but I try not to judge too hard on those because most feel like insane non-sequitur anyway.. it felt ooc for him even with his emotional instability. I did enjoy that it was longer than basically every other bad end, though. most are throwaways but his felt like there was some real effort behind it, at least in regards to the decisions nanami brings herself to

but anyway, I could understand people not loving his route or being frustrated with the route it takes with his genki-seeming character. but I find his struggle to control and suppress his negative emotions out of legitimate concern for those around him relatable and compelling! regardless though, when he’s a supporting character he’s MVP for me, no doubt. I didn’t expect him to grow on me so much!

alright after all that I think I’ve run out of steam and thoughts for now...

other than, the epilogue being about robot love was cute! love giving even robots the power to make their way through life: really cute! but the shit about rebirth and exact dna.... man nah. good and bad I guess. I had a mostly good time though

masamune go bald in 5 years

[edisacornball]

My 2022 Fics, Ranked!

I did this last year, and it was honestly a really good way to end my year, by meditating on what I most enjoyed writing, what I was most proud of, and what I thought I could improve. It really helped me to go into the next year thinking about how to be even more of the writer I want to be. So of course I'm doing it again!

At least this year should be easier than the twenty-seven fics I ranked last year.

What I find really hilarious is that this year, my ranking happens to line up perfectly with each story's number of hits. (As in, my favorite has the most hits, least favorite has the least.) Apparently, this year I agree with how much everyone else liked my work!

(Ranked from least to most favorite)

8. Yin and Yang: The First Soul Mates Continuation — I feel kind of bad for this one because it's basically just last by default. This is a fic I adopted from another author, and I'm still finishing up my first chapter for it. So it hasn't really actually gotten content yet and is sort of sitting in this half-published purgatory. Once I update it, I'm going to do a major overhaul, and I'm super excited to start working on it, so this is a ranking of potential, lol.

7. Alchemy Started in the Kitchen — I mean, I love these recipes a lot. I've been cooking them for years. But I mostly just published this so people would have a chance to actually reference these recipes without me having a really long author's note. I just don't really see myself as a cookbook author, I guess?

6. With Hands Raised to the Sky — This one's kind of an "it's fine" story to me. I liked writing it, and there's not really anything wrong with it, it's just not a fic that gets me really excited or emotional. I was just sitting in the hospital and extremely bored and didn't have access to all my WIP chapters, so I entertained myself by writing oneshots instead.

5. The Light We Let In (On the Subjectivity of Pain) — I only added one "chapter" to this collection this year, so it's almost more like ranking a oneshot. Same problem as With Hands, since I wrote it during the same time span, but baby Rory immediately makes me get much more attached to any fic and have more fun writing it.

4. Grafted — Agh, I love this one. It hasn't gotten very far into the story yet, and I needed to pause a little bit to work out a little bit more of my plotting, but I'm so looking forward to getting back to it. I'm especially looking forward to introducing Ed and Al to the Elrics, plus also getting more into Tree and her love of tattooing.

3. And Yet a Trace of the True Self Exists in the False Self — This was one of those fics that just sort of hits you all at once from nowhere, and then you look back and wonder how that even happened. Well, no, I know how it happened, I had an autistic meltdown day and coped with it by putting the experience into words. But sometimes I still just like going back and rereading this one to remind myself that it's okay to have days like that. And pretty much every comment I've gotten on this has ended up making me get choked up, because everyone is saying that they relate, that they needed to see characters going through experiences like this as a kid... This one has a special place in my heart.

2. The Lost Years — This one. I love every time I work on writing this one. There's just something so delightful about Ed's reactions to the modern world and getting a chance to work in some of my own city into a story for once. I've also been struggling a little with writing this one for now just because... Well, showing even Edward Elric getting smacked down into the mud from late-stage capitalism kinda suck and hurts like hell. This one just hits differently than my other fics, and I love it for it, even if it's painful.

1. The Other Side — Of course, this one is the winner. We're getting into the end of this one now, and it's always awesome to start tying together all these threads that you've been hanging for so long and watch the story start finalizing and becoming a complete picture. I was really hoping to get it done before the end of the year so it wouldn't be on next year's stats too (guilt about keeping it going so long, much?), but that's just the way it goes, I guess. I'm hoping to finish this one really soon, and I'm having a hard time not dancing in my seat until then!

Overall... I think that while I didn't publish as many things in terms of quantity and fic count, I still had a really productive year, especially considering how hectic it was. I was working a lot more on my long-form writing this year, and a lot of the work I did is like an iceberg and can't be seen on the surface. (Like how I wrote over 400k, but published less than 90k.) This year was really about putting the work in to deepen my work and become a better writer in the long run, and I'm proud of that.

See my rankings from last year! My 2022 AO3 Wrapped

[the-lark-ascending69]

Just finished reading Rebel Robin. I liked it for the most part, it has a lot of cool Robin Lore, but I feel it can be a bit inconsistent with other Robin Lore from the podcast and the show (both of which I feel are a lot more syncronized with each other than the book is). I feel like it ends on a way too optimistic note, in which Robin is happy as a rebellious loner, fully honest with herself and the world and knowing it's just a matter of time until she finds her people, while show Robin talks about secretly wanting to be normal and accepted, and believing no one would want to be close to her if they knew her secret. Podcast Robin, while still in a far earlier stage of teenage Robin angst, says the universe is telling her she's not supposed to have friends and that there's something rotten inside of her. Even by the end of the podcast, her conclussion is that she needs to do everything in her power to survive inside the system, even if that includes lying and cheating. Podcast Robin reaches the conclussion that blackmail is a valid way to fight for survival, which I think can be fitting with Show Robin, who was never pushed to that extreme but who was still clearly cynical about people. Book Robin is just too at peace, as if she got everything figured out. She's confident in ways show Robin and Podcast Robin aren't. I can see 15 years old Podcast Robin growing into 17 years old Show Robin, but I can't see Book Robin growing into Show Robin. Otherwise it would be like she went two years backwards in the span of two days because... she was kidnapped by russian soldiers? I don't know if that's the kind of thing that makes you want to be "normal and accepted".

I feel like book Robin wasn't lonely enough. She had like two best friends, danced with a girl at prom in front of everyone else... of course she's going to be confident. Of course she's not going to feel the need to be "normal and accepted". Book Robin abandons the idea of "camouflage" by the end in a way that podcast Robin doesn't, which is more consistent with show Robin. Show Robin isn't all that confident. She doesn't genuinely "not care", she just tells herself she doesn't.

Compare to:

Does this sound like Robin "my whole life has been one big error" Buckley? It sounds like she should be wayyyy past that! It sounds like the order of these events should be switched.

I have some thinking to do about this book. I thought it was fine, I liked the Robin Lore that didn't contradict itself, which is most of it tbh. Robin will quote Nietzche off the top of her head and I'll think "yeah, that makes sense". She knows from memory the etymology of random words and will talk about that during a discussion as if it were an actual argument. Robin also seems prone, in both the book and the podcast, to project her own feelings on other people (namely Barb and Tammy), which isn't something we see in the show (she IS older and more mature there), but it's not contradictory either. I liked her family, though I wish we'd got a bit more development about them. Near the beginning of the book, Robin asks her mom how come their family ended up in Hawkins, and her mom changed the topic, so I assumed there was some kind of emotional mother-daughter talk later in the book about how they wanted a safe and stable place to raise their daughter or something, but the talk never came. I liked Milton and Kate, especially Milton. Dash is a piece of shit. Mr. Hauser is good but he's better in the podcast.

I can't help to go back to the podcast, agh! It just feels so much more inspired. If i had to name the one piece of media that I think treated Robin's character with the most love and passion, it would be the podcast, no questions asked. It treats her with more love than the show, even, and I love show Robin, but the podcast is just... special. Podcast Robin got a better development in 6 episodes than book Robin did in 300 pages imo.

I know the book and podcast are both like semi-canon, but I will choose to consider the podcast to be above the book in terms of canon density. I wouldn't want to ignore the book because it provides interesting information on Robin's family, her plans to go to Europe, her friends and her feelings for Tammy Thompson, and if you want to write some very canon-accurate fanfic depiction of Robin, the book will certainly be helpful. Plus, it's just a good read, a good coming of age story. I do recommend it. But in areas where it contradicts the podcast, I would priorize the podcast as more strictly canon, not only because I think it's of higher quality (which I do), but because it's more aligned with show canon Robin.

Anyway, go listen to Surviving Hawkins, it's free on YouTube and Spotify I think, and it's amazing.

[0nlinejournal]

04.18.2023 8:44am

Update on the weirdness of last night: he calmly waited for me to come out of the bathroom to talk. Or rather to ask me if I wanted to talk. I really didn’t want to initiate the conversation, but when I said I didn’t really know what to say at that moment he said he was going to sleep on his room and started to leave. So, I just started talking.

Essentially, from what I gathered after him talking for a bit, is that I have not been understanding the full weight of whatever emotions he’s feeling in connection to this bar. Like, I’ve understood that it’s made him upset, but not understood how upset it makes him. And, to be honest I still don’t. I just wouldn’t handle the situation the same, and I don’t think I know too many people that would, but regardless… it affects him far more than I realized. And this whole time he’s been viewing me as choosing to go as thinking that going there is worth how hurt he’ll be.

So, I’m just not going to go that bar anymore. It’s whatever, it’s one bar.

I still don’t feel great even after having a conversation, though. It’s hard for me to empathize to begin with, because I don’t understand the intensity of emotions (I usually can) and since I don’t understand that base level, I also don’t understand the holding onto said emotions for hours, only for me to come home and only need like 20 minutes more to be okay to talk. I feel like that last bit is an intentional display, so that I can see the upset-ness, instead of just communicating to me as soon as I get home, without the display.

Now, that’s just how I’m feeling. He might not be doing that intentionally at all, but it really makes me feel icky and I don’t see a reason for it.

I also think I feel this way because it is just… so much so not something that I would do. I don’t like to put my emotions on people even if it is them who hurt me. I want to have discussions, to come to conclusions or agreements or an understand or whatever. But if I need to cry, or pout, or be angry, I make sure to separate myself so that other people don’t have to bare that weight. (Unless I’m like violently upset and I can’t control it, or in the weird instances where I’m upset but I don’t think it’s warranted so I tell people to listen to my words, not my tears, and that I am actually totally fine I just can not control my tears).

Agh, I’m sitting at the tattoo shop after having finished cleaning. I’m going to bounce. I might talk to him about this, but I don’t know if I’m right. Because, does there need to be a reason? Does it need to be “necessary”? No. He’s allowed to feel emotions and display them, and unfortunately (bc I don’t react well to it) his display is just shutting off. I can’t give him a time limit to feel upset and be ready to have a normal adult conversation about our feelings by the time I get home. Right? I don’t know.

9:02am

[starprincessval]

Petals of a Lily Pt. 1

Lily holds her arm out as they walk down the corridor, leaving a chalk line behind them. Kaitlyn glances at Lily.

K: That’s good. When we need to leave, if we keep the chalk on our right, we’ll know we're heading toward the exit. How much chalk do you have left?

Lily reaches into her dress and pulls out a handful of sticks of chalk.

K: Ok. If you get low, we’ll buy more when we get back to town, okay?

L: Okay.

K: Some of the bigger cities even have different colors. Would that make you happy? Having more colors?

L: Yes.

Kaitlyn smiles.

K: It wouldn’t kill you to show some kind of emotion occasionally, you know.

L: Is that what you want me to do?

Kaitlyn looks taken aback.

K: No, unless you want to. I just mean you can show how you feel sometimes.

L: I always show how I feel.

Kaitlyn sighs.

K: Come on, let's finish up here. I’ll buy you meatballs tonight for dinner.

Lily begins to skip as she walks.

K: Pfft… That gets you going.

They turn a corner and walk for a few more minutes when Lily suddenly stops. Kaitlyn draws her shield and begins peering in the darkness ahead of them.

K: Where are they? I can’t see anything.

L:...

A sudden whistling fills the air as an arrow flies toward Kaitlyn. Her shield is up in time, but Lily intercepts the arrow and snaps it in her hand. Kaitlyn picks up the top of the arrow and examines it.

K: Get behind me. The broad tips of the arrows won’t pierce my chai-

Another arrow flies forward and sinks itself into Kaitlyn's shoulder.

K: Agh! Damnit, unless they remove the heads!

Lily takes off into the darkness ahead of Kaitlyn.

K: Lily! Wait! Ah, Hells!

Kaitlyn runs after her. Ahead of her, in the darkness the sounds of fighting fill the air. Kaitlyn removes a torch from her bag and lights it with the flint and steel hanging from her belt. As light fills the tunnel, Lily stands among four small reptilian creatures who are lying on the ground in various states. Kaitlyn drops the torch on the ground and tosses Lily a dagger.

K: Make sure they're dead.

Kaitlyn crushes the skull of one with her warhammer as it crawls away from her. Lily stabs another multiple times, it regaining consciousness only long enough to let out a death rattle. After a few moments, all the creatures are dead. Kaitlyn lets out a sigh of relief.

K: You okay?

L: I’m fine. What about your shoulder?

Lily walks over and touches where the arrow is sticking out.

K: It's fine. It didn’t go that deep.

Kaitlyn rips the arrow from her shoulder and tosses it on the ground.

K: See? A little rest and it’ll be fine.

Kaitlyn surveys the dead bodies.

K: So if we killed four here and seven earlier, how many have we killed?

Lily thinks for a moment.

L: Seventeen?

K: Hells sakes kid, are you even trying?

L: Sorry, mom.

K: Not your mom, kid. Come on, there should be at least three more. Then we can get out of here. Let’s go find where you left off the chalk line.

An hour later Kaitlyn and Lily walk down the road toward town. They are both covered in dirt, blood, and sweat. Lily skips and dances, spinning in circles, and stopping to pick flowers occasionally, which she hands to Kaitlyn. A cart approaches, heading the way they’re going. Kaitlyn holds out a hand and waves them down.

K: Excuse me, are you heading into town?

F: I am, what of it?

K: Can I offer you a gold piece to ride in your wagon? It’s just me and my ward. The edge of town will be fine.

F: Alright then, get on.

Kaitlyn walks to the back of the wagon and hefts her pack down next to the hay. She takes a seat and lays back resting against the straw pile.

K: Lily. Come on.

Lily leaps into the back of the cart and stands behind the driver, looking out at the road that lies ahead of them. The driver whips the reins and the cart continues on its way.

[fangirlingpuggle]

Okay so I saw the one ask about Red Son using a Glamor to hide his true form like photoshop and it made me want to share my own thought on Red Son's true form

How about when DBK was sealed away under the mountain Red Son realized how much his features make him look like his father, the floppy ears, horns, the tail, it's all from his father and it makes him feel even worse when he notices his mother staring at them or even sometimes makes her unable to look at him.

Red Son can no longer look himself in the mirror at a young age so he begins to think of ways to hide them, he wears more mortal type clothing to hide his tail, grows his hair long to hide his ears, and he came too close to cutting away his horns until he found out he could use a glamor to hide it all.

Now he focuses on looking more like his mother, growing out his hair but he has to tie it up because the heat of his skin and corse hair (another thing from his father) on his neck becomes uncomfortable, and wearing more extravagant clothing though as he gets older his wardrobe becomes suited for manual labor in his garage.

Flash forward to releasing DBK who sees his son now looking nothing like him and he takes that personally, he feels unwelcomed by Red Son which in this headcanon can be used to explain why DBK acts cold towards Red Son in season 1. Of course DBK and PIF are a power couple so soon enough PIF realizes DBK's behavior towards their son and she explains how it happed after he was trapped, that she didn't know what to do because her grief got in the way and once she was able to address Red Son's choices she relized this was how Red Son coped with the loss of his father and now that she was able to emotionally connect with Red Son on a stronger level PIF didn't want to dig up old scars that Red Son found a way to heal.

Now neither of them know how to talk to their son about this, DBK has been out of the game for centuries, he missed out learning who Red Son is and PIF has grown accustom to letting herself and Red Son bottle up their emotions.

And omg I have to stop here or else I will write you an entire book cause I almost derailed into the inner workings of the Bull family.

Anyways, hope you'll like this and are able to add your own thoughts on it

<3

YES!! AGH MY HEART!

SWK talking to Mei and MK about the journey and Red Boy and him asking why the kid doesn’t have his horns anymore.

Cue Mei and MK being like 'wait HORNS?' both of them crashing into him asking questions with starry eyes and Red freaking the fuck out because 'No, no can't show those it'll just upset mother it'll just upset him seeing those features in the mirror of his father whose gone and'

Him having a total panic attack, Mei and MK freaking out and calming Red down and when he tries to bottle it up again they're like NO NOPE.

Them getting the truth out of him and then'...but your dads free now why not start not using the glamor?'

Red not wanting to drop it...at least around his parents but... when he's with Mei and MK him slowly starting to show his horns and ears and tail (MK and Mei reaction every time are 'THIS IS SO CUTE IT'S NOT FAIR AGH')

Eventually Mei and MK are hanging out with Red and his glamor’s down because he's just used to dropping it around them when his parents walk in and just... all of them freeze, Red is internally screaming and about to use the glamor and apologise but... DBK and PIF just runs up and hugs him before he can finish.

[that-1-masked-wierdo]

Slightly healthier

Camilo x GN!reader

Camilo he/they

Reader they /them

TW: Swearing

Tags : fluff , reader that is sleep deprived and unhealthy so they bf has to help

Note: Ayo i felt very bored and noticing how well my previous gn thing went you bet imma right more stuff

"Mi amor! You need to go to sleep !"

Camilo was trying to drag you to his room for a nap

" I'm fiiine ! We still have chores to do"

You refused to cooperate and tried going outside . You took a bit of sand and blew it into Camilo's eyes .

"AgH! Why did you.. hey ! Don't run away !"

You started running with all.the energy you had .

From the day you were in Colombia you developed a pretty big sleeping problem . You had big eye bags and refuse to sleep until you finish all your chores . The worst part is that the more you didn't sleep the worse your quality of work was, and that means more chores.

"You'll never get me ali..."

Your vision started getting foggy and your head started spinning.

"Oh for fuck sak--"

You swore as you fainted at the door of the casita . Your body fumbled down the stone concrete path on the mountain.

"Y/N ! "

Camilo run up to your body that was unconscious.

The next thing you new you were in the room you have memorized for a while now. It's Camilo's room.

"Goddamit ..."

You placed your face into your hands. When you sat straight your head really gave up .

"Oh god your finally awake "

You got hugged while still being on the bed by a fluffy hair , slightly red eye Camilo. He seemed... worried.

" You've slept for only 2 hours and 28 minutes go back to bed ."

" You... We're crying? "

You asked Camilo ignoring the fact how heavy your eyelids felt wanting to see Camilo's face . It's not everyday they shows so much emotions. He does care for you but you made him this worried? Feeling the pain in your chest you felt guilty.

"It doesn't matter mi amor , the more important factor is that your okay . Please... Don't scare me like that again. Tia Julia prepared some soup , it will make you feel better"

You look at the bowl and slowly eat it in silence . It's unbearable .

"Okay i had enough of this come here"

"Wait, What ? Mi vida I have ch-"

You pull Camilo under the blanket using his shoulder as a pillow. You both stayed like that until you fell fell asleep. Camilo crawled slowly out the bed .

"Sleep well darling"

He kissed you on the forehead and walked out of the room.

[honeybeegames]

Do you have any IF recs? I want to get into more but I’m not sure where to start

anon, you have come to the right person for this.

the golden rose by @anathemafiction - if you haven’t had the pleasure of playing the demo, you need to. my IRLs know i never shut up about ana’s writing or story or characters or anything. i was blessed enough to be able to beta the finished game and i can tell you all it’s amazing. i wish i could’ve recorded my reaction because my mouth dropped several times throughout. super excited for the release in april just so i can consume it all again 😭 the MC is by far my favorite character (even though you literally play them). if you play a snarky/flirty MC you’ll know why, LOL. i could talk abt the rose all day but i’ll stop myself here so the post doesn’t get too long, haha.

blood moon by @barbwritesstuff - i feel like this is one everyone recommends, but it’s for good reason, trust me. the romance is spectacular and it’s about werewolves, where could you go wrong? carrie and marco’s romances are by far my favorites even though they’re drastically different from each other, they’ve both managed to become my favorite characters. (also if you’ve played the scene where you stay behind to watch carrie and marco stays with you you’ll know why marco breaks and makes my heart)

mind blind by @mindblindbard - again, super popular one i’m sure you’ve seen recommended, and i’m recommending it again because you need to read it. like, one play through and you’ll understand all the hype around it.

the northern passage by @northern-passage - everyone and their mom has told you to read this and now i’m here with my own mother to tell you to read this. the world building in this is one of my favorites. the writing has me rolling around. lea has my heart in their hand and i can only hope they’re kind to it.

scout: an apocalypse story by @anya-dev - PLEASE. it’s so good and the characters are all so amazing and just, please. has one of the best ever friends to lovers romances (coming from someone who wasn’t that big of a fan of this trope before reading this) that makes me emotional. “is this what friends do?” MURDERED ME IN MY OWN HOME. BEAT ME UP WITH MY OWN HANDS. still not over it.

a tale of crowns by @ataleofcrowns - read it. now. you won’t regret it. every chapter has me rolling around squealing like i’m an otome game protag. also one of the few games i cannot pick a favorite character because all of them are so dear to me. even the side characters 😭 i adore them all. (maybe X more because they were my first route, but i still wouldn’t say they’re my favorite. i love them all too much.)

checkmate in three moves by @checkmatein3moves - the amount of RO’s is so crazy, plus all the variations. phew. the talent, the patient. the writing is so good too. i’m so invested in every single relationship that i have to play every single route once all the characters are introduced. mostly because i have no self control and love the way the characters are written. (am a sailormance before i’m human.)

virtue’s end by @virtuesend-if - another amazing one that’s coming out with a new (?) demo i believe. also has a great cast of RO’s and an MC i absolutely adore. i am in love with shea and elexis both so i’m not sure what I’m going to do 😁

wayfarer by @idrellegames - dnd inspired and it plays similar to that. failing stat checks is one of my favorite things to do, lol. literally purposely lost the fight against the count to get the confession scene with aeran so that i could scream into my pillow kicking my feet and shit.

the remainder by @the-remainder - more of a vn/if mix, but still really really good. the art is beautiful and the storyline has me hooked. i would give up my arms for ilar even though they do suspicious things.

perfumare by @pdrrook - agh this one had be staying up till 6 in the morning one night just to get through all the routes. i’m in love with the writing. has another super duper amazing friends to lovers route with an angry confession. you probably imagine by now i was rolling around in bed giggling while reading that part.

these don’t have demos but they’re some of my most anticipated WIPs so: ear candy by @earcandy-if, spilt milk by @spiltmilk-if, and witches of fengrove by @witchesofferngrove all deserve praise because they’ve managed to make me love their IFs without me reading their demo. super excited for them!

[peace-for-levi]

Your Body, A Masterpiece [Levi Ackerman x GN!Reader]

TW: nsfw content/smut (minors dni!), canonverse levi, feminine words used to describe the reader (wife, mother, motherhood, etc.) and female anatomy is used. potentially OOC Levi lmao. wee bit of dirty talk, tons of body worship, levi is soft in the bedroom in this one. Reader talking down on their body (calling themselves ugly, big, soft, etc.) Levi being blunt. Oral, missionary, pretty standard procedure sex... I think that's it? Let me know if I missed anything. If you're looking for hot sex, this is the wrong place - this is more emotions-focused. It's definitely smutty, but i can deffo write smuttier, lmao.

synopsis: you have been rejecting levi's advances to be physically intimate for weeks over fears your postpartum body is a turn-off for him. he shows you that you are as beautiful to him now as you were back then.

It was late enough when Levi arrived home from the headquarters, approaching eight in the evening.

The house you two had was small, but it was cozy. It was at the end of a cul-de-sac, a ten minute horse ride from headquarters. Ivy had forked out in every direction of the house and the vines hung precariously over the front door. He walked his horse into the stables of your house and fed his horse before turning back to the small front garden. The lilies and lavenders in the window sill pots were standing to attention in the light of the fading sun; you must have watered them recently. He peered through the window of your shared house and noticed the amber light coming from the kitchen and everything inside him perked up.

This was what you did; you were there to provide a sense of excitement every evening when he was finished with paperwork and training.

To have gone so long in his life without having a home to return to, or even having a real house of his own.

It was everything a man could ask for.

Not to mention his beautiful three month old daughter, Isabel.

As he opened the front door of the house, he could hear you trying to shush your child into a slumber. He saw you pacing back and forth and he could hear the exhausted breaths of your child from across the kitchen; she must have been crying for a while now. When you heard the sound of Levi removing his forest green cloak, you turned around.

"Oh, Levi," you murmured, softly, now holding your daughter over your shoulder.

Levi immediately glided over and took the child from your arms. He wasn't used to shushing or calming down the baby - you and him both knew that while you were on maternal leave from the Survey Corps, you'd probably be spending the most time with the baby - but he was getting used to it.

"Is she okay? Has she eaten?" he asked as he shifted his weight from one leg to another, creating a little bounce. The baby wriggled in his arms, noticing that her mother wasn't holding her anymore. "Agh, I know, little one." Levi was quick to surrender, not wanting all your hard work to vanish and passed the child back to you.

"Yeah, it's wind down time now for her. Isn't that right, Isabel?" you cooed. Your eyes always lit up talking to your baby girl, but there was something else there too.

Levi noted something akin to exhaustion in your eyes. While motherhood suited you, he noticed a not-so familiar dark cloud hanging over you these days. He was trying not to broach you about it; Hange told him that becoming a mother can have a huge toll on a person mentally just as well as physically. If it was just a bit of exhaustion, he didn't need to worry too much and he just had to make time to help more.

He also didn't want to put you in an uncomfortable position to talk about things when your mind was so preoccupied with child-minding. Your mind was elsewhere and he knew this because whenever he went to touch you - even just a soft rub on the arm or a kiss on the forehead - you'd stiffen up and freeze.

You'd tell him eventually how you were feeling, right?

He didn't want to be selfish and he knew that it was probably the last thing on your mind, but it had been a while since you two had last been intimate. The six week wait was up but when you looked so in your head and forlorn, he knew better than to initiate it. But then you started sidling out of his embraces or trying to break free from when he held you in his arms at night.

"Levi, I drew you a bath upstairs if you want one," you said, still bobbing up and down. You let out a gasp upon hearing the shallow breaths coming from your child; her eyes were shutting. "Much better now, aren't we?" you said with a smile.

Even so, he knew you were still that same kind person he fell in love with all those years ago.

He took a look at your apron from today's endeavours; covered in crumbs from baking and making dinner, not to mention baby spit-up...

He held his arms out again, continuing the game of "pass the baby."

"I'll put her to bed, you go take the bath. I can always have it tomorrow." He assured you as he rested the child on his shoulder.

You patted him on his other shoulder as a silent thanks and hurried upstairs.

You had two cots bought once your little darling was born; one for upstairs and one for downstairs. In case it was naptime and you were busy doing housework, you could always keep an eye on her while you made food or cleaned. Levi walked into the sitting room and laid the baby down on the sofa closest to him while he stirred the fire, rocks of coal falling against each other and sparking fresh embers. Isabel inhaled sharply and he was quick to his feet as always, but once she settled again, he could only watch in awe.

She was so, so perfect. She had his black hair and gunmetal eye colour, but your infinitely softer eyes. He remembered moments before she came into the world when the nurse commented on the amount of hair she had. He remembers the first time he held her after you and the way her stubby fingers wrapped around his thumb. How she was initially upset leaving her mother's arms but then felt serenity within her father's resolute constitution.

You had given him a child and he was so thankful. It may not have been ideal timing - the war with the Titans raged on as ever and with the battle to reclaim Shiganshina happening in just a month, he was a bit stressed - but he was so thankful for you two either way.

"I wonder if your mom will tell me what's bugging her." He mused aloud, stroking her cheek.

By the Walls, she was just so delicate looking and so, so fragile. How your body managed to give him this was something he was sure he'd never fully comprehend, but was ever-grateful for. Your body nursed and housed her for nine months and it wasn't always easy, but you handled it with such grace most of the time. You may not have considered it a pleasant experience and perhaps your definition of 'grace' differed from each other - Levi was just blown away by your strength to do this.

After a few minutes, he scooped up his little wonder in his arms and walked up the stairs. He walked into the little box room that was next to your shared bedroom. She settled instantly and he was grateful for the few hours of sleep the two of you would get before she woke up for a feeding or a change.

He walked back through the hall and noticed the door to your bedroom was closed. You must have just come out of your bath. He pressed the door open, wanting to get changed into something looser but the sight before him shook him to his core.

You were standing in front of the full body-length mirror with your bathrobe pulled up. He could hear soft whimpers coming from you as you poked and prodded your skin.

You just couldn't help, though; your body was so different now.

Squiggles of red and purple painted the skin on your tummy, hips, lower back and around your upper thighs. These marks were everywhere. You were no stranger to stretch marks - when you were a cadet all those years ago and when your muscles were growing, they were totally natural - but now, they looked so... horrible and ugly. They didn't belong there. Not to mention how soft and dimply your stomach and thighs were once you were ordered by Commander Erwin to stay at home. You lost all your muscle definition and were left with dimpled skin that was bumpy and full of these prominent marks.

You hated the way you look, and you were sure your husband did too. After all, he fell in love with you back when your body was much more defined, right? Why would he like it now that it was different and, well, bigger.

You already decided he wouldn't like it so you found it easier to distance yourself from him and his advances. You knew he probably wanted to be intimate by now - you were needing his touch too, after all - but you were scared of what he'd think. These thoughts had been plaguing your mind once you got the six week clearing and the obsessive thoughts never left you alone. It was easier for you to reject him now than have him reject you months down the road.

Levi was very quick to stop your spiralling once he stepped into the room.

"[F/n]? What are you crying for?" he asked as he approached you.

"U-Uh," you began in a stammer, fastening the rope of your robe, "it's nothing, Levi."

"Yeah, I've heard that enough times from you to know you're lying to me," he said, and he intended for it to come out as a rebuke. You two were married - what was the point in lying to him? He inhaled sharply, though, - Hange had told him hormones can still be wild for a while after birth - and placed a hand on your shoulder, hoping you'd turn around. "Come on, tell me what's bothering you."

You whirled around on your heel and faced him, and only then could he see how upset you were. He was taken aback by this and you could see it on his face by his parted lips, his thin brows raised in surprise. Your cheeks were red from crying and you showed no signs of stopping.

Wait, you were crying over your body? Levi had never seen you cry over something so unimportant (to him.) You continued to criticize your figures and he tried to listen - listen so that you could let this all out - but he hated listening to you be so negative. "[F/n]--" he tried to interrupt but you weren't in the right state of mind to listen to reason.

"I-I'm... I'm so... hideous looking!" you choked out, burying your face into your hands. "I'm so ugly and big, and all these marks are littered all over me!" you cried, lifting up your robe again to show him.

Levi's eyes widened marginally as he dissected what you were saying.

"M-my stomach is so soft now and I have lost all my muscle definition, a-and my thighs are softer and dimpled. And I know you don't like the way I look, it would just make perfect sense..." you rambled, and Levi's lips parted even wider at the last sentence. "I mean, why would you? I'm so different now! And-- And then... how long will it be 'til you don't like me, as a person..." you said while sobbing. You buried your gaze and wiped your eyes, you couldn't face him.

Levi was dumbfounded, illustrated by his slack jaw. This was the reason you were rejecting all his advances, no matter how small? Because you were concerned about how you looked? Why didn't you come to him when your thoughts started to spiral out of control?

"Why didn't you come to me?" he asked, plainly. "You haven't been yourself for a while - and you think I haven't noticed? You honestly thought you could be all gloomy and think I wouldn't notice?"

"I-I guess--" you began but he quickly cut across you.

"I'm the gloomiest asshole ever, [F/n]. You called me Captain Moody for years. I see these things, I do."

You bit your lip in embarrassment. You did feel a bit stupid for trying to hide your feelings in front of your husband, in front of Levi no less - someone who was so attentive to detail. Your tears were still fresh though and still trickling down your face. Levi sighed and walked towards you, taking your hand in his. You wiped your face as he dragged you towards Isabel's room.

The pale, blue light of the moon filtered through the windows and illuminated the bedroom. It hadn't been long since Levi blew out the candles. Levi's hand squeezed yours and the two of you looked at the nesting child.

"Look at her," Levi gestured, whispering softly as he rubbed and squeezed your hand, "she's pretty cute, no?" he asked. He knew you found her cute but you were sniffling too much to answer. "She is, isn't she? She was inside you not too long ago."

You nodded at the obvious fact and with eyes completely wiped and nose no longer running, you squeezed Levi's calloused hands back.

"She's one of my favourite things. I do have my tea, and, sure I enjoy ordering Eren to clean my office because he does it best... but they don't bring me joy the way she does. Especially with how she's beginning to smile and laugh these days..." he continued. "I don't sleep much but when I do and she happens to wake me up, I feel no resentment or frustration."

Levi paused; no matter how long you two were involved romantically, speaking for long periods at a time would always make him cringe or be difficult.

"...You gave me a daughter. You gave us Isabel. You made me a father," he told you. "Something I never thought I would become in this life."

Your eyes were drawn to the way Levi's long, slender fingers danced up and down the baby's thighs. He traced around the stubby-looking knees and the rolls of fat. Probably a foreign sight for him having grown up in the Underground District. It was a sign she was being well fed and that she probably wasn't going to die of starvation like all the other unfortunate kids he had to witness pass away. Much like how he was on the brink of death until Kenny came along.

He walked back into the hall and gestured to you to follow him back into the bedroom. He turned to face you once you both stood in front of the body-length mirror.

"You're obsessing over your body when you had a whole person growing inside you? Tch, of course you'd look different. Of course you'll have new marks and scars and bumps, and of course you'd look a bit bigger... and you think I'd be that shallow to look at you a different way because of that?" he asked. "You're honestly so stupid at times, [F/n]. Must I show you how little I care about the way your body looks? Ah-- let me rephrase that. Must I show you how much I like your body, regardless of how it looks?"

You almost had no time to react to Levi's lips caressing yours. You immediately tried to get out of his hold, your irrational thoughts thinking this must all be an act or that he was lying. You successfully pulled away and Levi's war-exposed, blood-stained hands moved to hold your face in place with such gentleness - he was always so gentle with you - you practically melted into his touch.

That was the power Levi had.

"Let me kiss you, [F/n]," he whispered huskily against your lips, "Come on, won't you kiss me?" he asked, rubbing the tip of his nose against yours.

Your eyes softened as you gazed at him and he smiled softly, kissing you gently. His lips always caressed you with such warmth and passion, it would always leave you weak in the knees. As he pulled you closer, you could feel his hands grab at you desperately having not been able to hold you like this in months. Perhaps you made him weak at the knees too...

It didn't take much convincing for his tongue to slip against and past your lips, relishing the way you taste and the way you feel. The kiss grew passionate and hot - almost like the two of you were tumbling against each other - and Levi moved to kiss the side of your mouth, your cheeks, your jaw, his nose tickling the hollow of your neck. Levi latched onto your sweet spot in no time and sucked, no hesitance in wanting to mark you. The feeling made you release a moan, a noise he hadn't heard in a while and he was desperate to hear more of it. Levi took a step back admiring the handiwork of two new love bites before placing more kisses to your lips with his hands holding you at your waist.

"Bed." He whispered hoarsely in between smooches and as you walked yourself back, Levi began to tear at your robe.

He noticed how you weren’t helping him take it off and once he had the strings opened and pulled it off, you were quick to hide yourself. You were wearing just your brassiere and panties and your hands went to wrap around your frame. Levi and you had been intimate countless times and he was upset you were so unconfident in the way you looked. Oh well, he’d just have to show you how much he loved the way you looked.

He took your hands and held them at your sides and pressed his lips to your collarbones, leaving sloppy kisses in his wake. His hands were quick to wrap around your back and gently lift you up. Unclasping the bra, he guided you out of it, lifting your arms up. You rose with the motion of his disrobing and sat up again. Levi caught your gaze and pressed his lips against yours again before admiring the way the flimsy material fell off you. He shrugged off his tan military jacket and began to undo the buttons of his shirt. Once they had all been popped open, he attempted to lower you again.

“Lie down.”

He laid you down gently and moved to pepper your torso with more kisses, coming to the swells of flesh on your chest. He let his thumb go to one of your perked nipples while his tongue latched onto the other, swirling around in circles. You swallowed a moan, loving his touch too much to think about the way you looked. He continued to appreciate the softness of your breasts and the majesty that was you - his beloved - and the whimpers that escaped your lips at his advances were like music to his ears. He switched sides, thumb rubbing over the sensitive nub and suckling on the other one, but not too hard of course. Your fingers danced and threaded through his dark locks.

“F-Fuck…” you moaned, softly. The sound of your voice in this position made him groan himself as he felt the blood rush to his member. He was paying attention to every sound that escaped you

His mouth continued to work at your nipples and breasts and you weren’t sure how long it had been since he started fondling your breasts, but you didn’t mind. His hands gently knead the mounds of flesh together and a chuckle escapes your lips as your back arches. This sight alone was so arousing to him. If it weren’t for him wearing his military pants and if he was just in his underwear, you’d be able to see the wet patch left behind.

By the Walls, he could never wrap his head around the fact you had wound yourself up like this for months. He had no problem with the way you looked; you were his definition of beauty.

In fact, you were the epitome of beauty to him, his wife. He wasn’t going to say it now but he was disappointed he wasn’t making you feel beautiful. Sure, he had a lot on his mind all the time as Captain of the Scout Regiment, but he always tried to make time for you.

Well, now he’d just have to try extra hard to show just how wonderful you looked to him.

Levi Ackerman didn’t really have a type, as such, as he never thought love was for him. But you were love to him - you were - and you are joy, and that, to him, was beautiful… so your appearance - though it was always a bonus to him - never mattered too much.

He continued to kiss you and savour you like the work of art you were as his nose dipped down the valley of your breasts until he made his way to your midsection. This was where you were most insecure. He leaned up and his fingers traced along every single bump, dimple and squiggly red or purple line. You pouted.

“Levi, don’t spend too much time there.”

“Why?” he asked, bluntly. His fingers made swirls along all your stretch marks, admiring the way they twirled and decorated your tummy and hips. “They’re pretty cool if you ask me.”

“No, they’re not. Stop it.” You rebuked, looking away.

“They are a testament to your strength and everything you’ve done for Isabel. How could I not like them?” he said, lips leaving more kisses wherever he saw fit… which was pretty much everywhere. He looked up at you and noticed how your eyes were still cast the other way. “You don’t believe me?”

Your silence was his answer.

He sighed heavily and leaned back on his haunches. “I have seen comrade after comrade die, be it in my arms or discovering them dead on the way home… I have seen terrible things throughout my life, horrifying things. Trust me when I say this: you having new stretch marks doesn’t bother me at all. Understand?” Once you nodded, he leaned back down and attempted to continue his advances, but not before asking if it was okay with you.

Getting the all clear, he continued to trail his lips dangerously close to the lining of your panties. He leans up and softly rubs your wet heat, admiring the wet sounds it made. He hooked his index fingers and pulled them down, admiring the way your body would always comply with his gestures. He flicks the material onto the floor - it can be tidied later - lays down on his toned stomach, softly massaging your inner thighs; another insecurity. You had gained a bit of weight and lost your muscle definition but if you decided to go back to the Survey Corps - which Levi was vehemently against - you could always get them back and if you did go back, he did say to do it on your own terms. And so, this time when his fingers trailed over the faint stretch marks, you didn’t mind as much.

They were a part of you, after all.

Levi was more often than not a gentle lover in the bedroom and while he could be thorough and passionate, and even rough on the odd occasion, you could always feel the love behind his gestures. Even so, it surprised you when he left butterfly kisses along your inner thighs and spoiled you with his chaste kisses more. This was more gentle than normal, but you appreciated it.

As the cold, frigid night hair brushed against your wet heat, you angled yourself so that Levi’s kisses would be inched closer to where you wanted to feel him most. His fingers spread out and he massages your thighs and he looks up at you and smiles warmly at you. His gentleness and the slowness of it all made your heart swell with love for the man in between your legs.

You started to feel silly for hiding yourself in front of your ever-attentive husband, but Levi had been so careful not to push you. You didn’t know if you should have told him this sooner or whether this was the perfect moment, or if this was just fate. It didn’t matter now, though. Nothing mattered right now while your fingers threaded through his hair and he treated you like you were fine china; like you were the most precious thing in his universe.

Simply because you were.

Finally, it happened. Levi’s fingers made contact with your slick folds to slowly spread. It had been a while since you two were last intimate so he knew you might need more prepping than normal. Which he had no problem with at all. His breath hitches as he moves to separate your folds; you’re dripping for him. This would normally make him want to rush into things but he knew this time sex could be painful for you so he had to reel it all in. He couldn’t help but groan at the way you felt though; he wanted so badly to please you and make you feel all his love and admiration for you. He admires how your juices make his fingertips slide against each other. He brings his fingers to his lips and makes sure to lap up all of your goodness.

“You taste as good as ever.” He murmured as he looked up at you, and you could see the glint in his eyes that were full of want for you.

His fingers return to their slow movements, rubbing you up and down and he sees the way your pussy clenches around nothing as his sensual touches. He licks his thumb and begins to touch your hardened bead, rubbing it just the way you liked it while his fingers continue to tease around your weeping hole. Your body tenses every now and then, trying to get used to this feeling that used to be so familiar to you. Your toes curl and your face scrunches up and contorts with pleasure. You let out soft moans, your clit more sensitive than normal, and Levi treating you just right. So right.

Your eyes flutter close as he presses his tongue against your clit and begins to lick it softly. Meanwhile, his fingers are prepping to enter you. One finger at a time and at your pace; you were setting the tone here. You continued to moan his name softly as his fingers traced around your entrance, the speed of his tongue increasing. You groaned and your back arched as he let his middle finger dip into your entrance and he let up in speed so that you could focus on adjusting to his fingers more. He edged his finger in more and you clamped your eyes shut; it was as if you were a virgin all over again. He wasted no time in finding your sweet spot and you clenched around him, letting out an even louder moan.

“F-Fuck!” you cried out, writhing in pleasure with his touches.

“You’re so tight…” he whispered, huskily against your clit before continuing to lick. He couldn’t wait to have you clenching around his cock but that could wait. In fact, if you decided to stop now, he didn’t mind. Tonight was all about you and the last thing he wanted to do was tire you or cause any pain. “You feeling okay?”

It takes less time than he thought when he thought you might have been ready for a second finger. He wasn’t about to stop the magic with his tongue either. His fingertips rub against your gummy, velvety and his tongue doesn’t let up, lapping at your clit like it was his lifeline. You continued to grind against his face, pushing him in for more and more. You could feel yourself slip into that familiar feeling of heavenly bliss, warmth spreading across your belly as your muscles tightened and wound up.

“Oh, god… Levi, fuck… It feels so nice…” you choked.

He only smiled against you, pausing briefly, but quickly continued, determined to make you cum on his fingers and he’d do this again and again, over and over, until he was sure you understood how much he liked your body.

“You taste so damn sweet…” he groaned. His cock strained against the confines of his pants and with his other hand, began to unbutton them. He left you briefly to pull them down and leaving him in just his underwear and your hands shot out immediately to try to pull him back. “Ha-ha, you can wait like a good girl for just a few moments, can’t you?” He taunted, tossing his pants behind him. You could make out the wet stains of his grey boxers left by his precum. He returned to his handiwork on you and you jerked upwards and whimpered, grateful that you weren’t left hanging too long.

He occasionally looked up at you and was so damn pleased with himself knowing you were feeling good. You were dripping for him and he couldn’t get enough of you. You tasted so nice and having you clench around him reminded him of the times you were intimate more often and how you two would have sex a few times a week. This might have been before you were pregnant and before Isabel was born, and he knew these moments were going to be a bit more fleeting and few and far between; hence why he had to cherish it. And he could never, for the life of him, get over how pretty you looked when he did fuck you.

He hovered over your midsection briefly. “You’re beautiful. You mightn’t see that now. But I find you so fucking magnificent.”

You swore you felt your eyes well with tears at his words. Levi wasn’t always so loving with his words - his love was always expressed with gestures - so this was lovely to hear. You felt a lone tear drip down your cheeks and he was quick to stop his ministrations.

“Shit, are you okay?”

You stifled your groan as best as you could when he stopped, but you appreciated him checking in on you nevertheless. “Y-Yeah, Levi, I am. I, just… I love you, a lot. And I’m sorry for keeping this from you.”

Levi said nothing except leaned forward and pressed a loving kiss to your lips. You could taste yourself on him but you didn’t mind at that moment.

Levi resumed his actions, your moans and his touches now becoming relentless. He wanted you to cum so bad. You threw your head back in ecstasy against the pillow and cried out. Your moans grew in pitch and volume.

“Ah, ah, hahhh… Levi, fuck, please-- please don’t stop, please don’t stop!” you chanted. Levi continued to ravish you and he wishes he could see your pleasure-filled expressions as a portrait in his own private museum. If only you knew how good you looked. “Levi, fuck, I’m gonna--”

He wants you to cum all over him. Make a mess. Do whatever it is that feels good. He’d take it all and live with it; he’d take all your hollowness, your negativity, your insecurities and he’d shoulder that burden himself. He wanted you to give him absolutely everything. He wants you to see yourself as beautiful the way he does you. He wants you to want sex with him again because he is having the time of his life right now. He wants you. He’s hungry for you. He’s desperate for you. And he really wants you to cum all over him; to cum all over his cock.

Then he felt it. He felt your body seize up, your mouth beginning to water and eyes clamping shut. Your walls clenched around his fingers and his mouth helps you through your orgasm. Your pleasure has your eyes rolled back into your head and you’re seeing stars dot your vision. As he overstimulates your wet cunt, you let out a choked sob almost drunk from the pleasure he was providing you.

Oh, but he wasn’t done just yet. He wanted to make sure you were more than ready to take his cock.

As you came down from your high and when your senses restored, you noticed Levi hadn’t left the spot between your legs. He chuckled darkly and lowered his face again and your clit was so sensitive, you almost yelped when his tongue made contact with it. His fingers snaked back into your wet heat and you were dripping for him. He trails his tongue down to your clenching, tight hole for a bit before returning to your clit and he is going faster than before. The coil in your stomach was quickly winding itself up again and Levi was all for it; he wanted you seeing stars as many times as your body could handle, but with a sleeping baby not too far away, it was probably wishful thinking.

How your daughter hadn’t woken up by now was a miracle and both you and your husband were so grateful.

It was a sight to behold; watching Levi lap your juices up like he was starving and pleasured you with his fingers against your sweet spot like there was no tomorrow. “Levi, stop, I’ll cum again if you don’t stop, ah--”

“I want you to. Cum for me, [F/n], cum all over my face.” He ordered, his voice raw with lust. You hardly take it - cumming so quickly - and Levi really tested your limits tonight. His fingers assaulted your velvety walls and he was so addicted to the squelching noises coming from your tight cunt. An addiction he never wanted to get over. Your second orgasm that night washed over you suddenly and your arousal squirted out in large droplets, splashing against his face. He withdrew his fingers that were wet with your juices and hastily rubbed against your clit, prolonging your orgasm once more and your back arched more, a few more droplets coming out. “That’s a good girl…” he praised, flicking his hand dry of your wetness. “Beautiful… just beautiful…” he said, completing with drawing his hands and letting his lips capture yours in a heated, tumbling kiss.

“That-- that felt so good…” you mumbled, your speech slurring as you tried to ground yourself again after two powerful orgasms.

“Good, I’m glad.” He replied and he kissed you. He held you close as your body continued to jerk for a bit and he leaned into your neck to plant kisses there, anything to help steady you. “You want to continue or do you want to call it an end here?” he asked, wiping his mouth. You shook your head quickly. Your body felt so limp and heavy, but you just wanted more. You forgot how good sex would feel. “Alright…” he said and began to shift between your legs once more

He was quick to remove his final barrier and his cock stood tall against his chiseled abdomen. He leaned down and held it at the base as the tip teased your lips. He pushes forward, trying to get the sensitive tip past your tight walls and you immediately tighten around him, and not in a pleasurable way. Your walls clamped around as you tried to make room for him and your nails immediately dug into his muscular shoulders. With soft hushes and whispers of soft nothings, however, Levi was quick to try to get you to relax.

“Shh, shh, I have you…” he whispered, softly.

You let out a pained groan as he tried to push in further and it did take a few deep breaths for him to make it all the way in. Levi stayed like that for a few moments - he was happy to just have you clench around him for the night, even - and let you get used to his length. Levi wasn’t outrageously big; definitely comfortably average, but he was thick, and he knew exactly how to use it. He groaned at the feeling of how warm your pussy felt around him; he was in heaven. This had to be what heaven felt like, right?

Your two orgasms definitely helped him edge in slowly, but after not being intimate for three months and with added dryness you felt down below from labour, you both knew not to expect it to be a great sigh of relief the way it normally is. You slowly began to loosen around him and your grip on him loosened. Levi breathed heavily into the crook of your neck and peppered a few kisses over the bruises he left before.

He moves to thrust as slowly as he could and you have to close your eyes; it was temporary, you just had to grin and bear it. Levi rocked his hips slowly inside you; he was happy out to go this slow; he had been starved for a while. He was happy to get you off with his mouth and have the image of your cumming on his cock help him visually as he jerked himself. So to have you take his cock inside you was a certainly unexpected surprise. It takes a few painstakingly slow thrusts for Levi before you get used to it and you pull him closer to you for more. He is quick to catch the hint as you ground yourself against him and he increases the pace a bit. Tonight wasn’t going to be a fast tumble where he fucks into you hard and deep - not unless you were absolutely ready - and he was going to savour every moan, every whine, every whimper and twitch of your body.

“God, I’ve missed this…” he moans into your ear. You peer up at him and he notices another lone tear coming down your cheek. He sweeps his thumb across, wiping it away and caressing your face softly. “You okay?”

You moaned out as the tip of his cock brushes against the sweet spot of your gummy walls. “Yeah…” you murmured. “I missed this too…”

He slowly increases the pace, noting that your body seems able for it. By now the bed is groaning under the movement of his thrusts. “I missed you.” He whispers softly. “I missed the way you felt, the way you take me so well all the time.”

You let out a moan when his language became crude. He pressed you further into the mattress, wanting to hit that wonderful spot inside you. Your walls are slick with wetness and some of his own pre-cum, and the thought of that causes Levi to let out the most guttural of moans.

“So. Fucking. Good.” He groans, his voice being punctuated by his thrusts into you.

He looked at you with such love and you really couldn’t hold back your moans. You purr out his name like it is your own religion and you just want more and more; you can’t get enough. You didn’t want him to stop, goosebumps dotted your skin and you were left with a jolt of shivers when he hit that spot inside you. Your mind was blank now, all you could think of was Levi. All you could focus on was the way his eyes shut everytime you clamped around him and the sound of skin slapping against skin.

“M-More… give me more.” You moaned and your voice sent shivers down his spine.

He thrusts into you harder now and his arm swoops around your back and pulls you closer to him. He’s drowning in the feeling of your tight pussy around him. It’s so good, it’s almost overwhelming.

“Ah, ahhh, oh god-- Levi, I’m--” you moaned out.

“Good girl, you’re almost there.” He encouraged. As soon as he said this, his thrusts grew sloppy and inconsistent. He was so, so close. You were definitely doing your best if you were trying to milk him for all he was worth. He began to curse under his breath as he approached his own orgasm. When your third orgasm of the night washed over you, it took every ounce of self-control to not orgasm also; your walls clamped down on him as you wailed his name. He held you impossibly tight, shushing you and pressing kisses to your cheek.

“Good girl, good girl…” he mumbled, though he looked so blissed it was like he was saying it like a broken record. “That’s my good girl, taking my cock so well…”

You got a feeling he was gonna pull out so in your hazy state, your hands went to his bottom and held him there firmly. “Please cum inside me, Levi. Please fill me up, let me feel you.”

“Fucking hell…” he groaned. He didn’t need to be told twice, but he also didn’t want to risk anything. “Haaah-- shit, are you sure?”

“Yes, I timed it.”

And that was all he needed. A few more sloppy thrusts and his hips came to an abrupt stop, your walls being coated in strings of his cum. Your body still clamped around him and he almost didn’t want to leave. But alas, all good things must come to an end; Isabel’s sharp cries pierced the air from your midnight escapade. He sighed heavily and pulled out, momentarily admiring the way his cum pooled at your entrance.

“I’ll go to her, you clean up.” He said as he placed a kiss on your lips. He hurriedly searched for something loose he could slip into. He pattered over to the bathroom and washed his hands thoroughly before walking to Isabel’s room. He felt her between the legs checking for wetness and lifted her up to smell and was relieved to find out there was no diaper to be changed. He leaned over to pick up the baby and took her into his arms and was back to bouncing on one foot and then the other. “Sorry, little one, did we wake you?” he said in a hushed tone, and he smirked. “I’ll just blame your mother. She can’t hear me saying that now.”

“Yes, I can!” you called out from the bathroom.

“Okay, it was partially my fault too…” he whispered to her, as if she understood what the hell was happening. Isabel was good at sleeping tonight though, and it didn’t take much bouncing around for her to fall back asleep. Levi placed her back in her bassinet, returned to the bathroom to wash up, and changed back into something to sleep in. But he didn’t get into bed with you.

“Levi?” you called out, rubbing your eyes, clearly exhausted from that.

“You rest now, I’ll stay up for a bit and finish a bit of paperwork.” He said, swiftly.

“Ever the insomniac…” you murmured through a yawn and you shut your eyes.

Extensive aftercare was now a luxury with a baby around - before Isabel, you two would always bathe together - but now it was a case of washing up quickly and being in each others’ arms and silently whispering. It was better than nothing, but it wasn’t the same as before.

You knew not to argue with Levi’s insomnia anyway. You would often fall asleep within minutes of your orgasm and he’d still be awake staring at the ceiling for a few hours. Tonight, however, Levi was going to be staring awake at the ceiling or doing paperwork - that was a swift lie he came up with on the spot - he had something else in mind.

Once he was sure you were asleep - which didn’t take too long after any nightly session with your husband - he tiptoed over to the mirror and carried it out of the bedroom. He carried it down the stairs until he found a cupboard big enough to hide it in. It’d be too much of a hassle to unscrew the bathroom mirror, and that could be done tomorrow, but this was a good start.

Levi was tempted to smash the mirror right then and there, but that would also make a noise (and it was actually a nice mirror.) Hiding it would have to do.

He crept back up the stairs and went back into the bedroom, slipping under the covers after he blew out the candles. You were quick to cuddle up against him, always finding comfort in his radiating body heat.

“Wow… did you finish paperwork already?” you mumbled.

“Yeah, didn’t take too long.” He said, staring over at the now empty corner of your bedroom. “Good night, [F/n.]” He said, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

[melynnwater]

I've been thinking a lot about 17776 recently.

A story which like, if you haven't yet read, you totally should, it's amazing, you can read it here

if you have read it, or don't care about spoilers for the main premise of the story, continue on

This post doesn't really have a point to make I'm mostly just rambling about my thoughts

So I've been thinking a lot about the question of like... What would I do with infinite time?

If I knew I was never going to die, never going to have any worries, if I lived in a true post-scarcity society down to the resource of time, what would I do to pass that infinite time?

And just like... it's an odd question to really think about because like. Any individual activity that you find to do is going to be finite, and if the timescale you're working with is infinite, you will eventually finish that activity. You can take any impossibly large-yet-finite task, and set out to do it, and eventually be done!

Like. If I wanted to sit down, and play every single video game ever released, in order, I will eventually catch up to any arbitrary video game you can choose. Even if I had a rule to play each and every one of those games for a bare minimum of 100 hours. 1000 hours, even! I would eventually work my way through that entire seemingly endless library of games released between the dawn of time, and Undertale, for example.

I could choose to watch every single video ever uploaded onto youtube in chronological order, and I would eventually catch up to any arbitrary point in time you could choose.

One could truly devote their entire life to a medium, only it wouldn't even be their entire life. It would still only be an infinitesimally small fraction of an infinite lifespan.

And the more I think about this little thought experiment, the more I almost find myself disappointed to live in a world where I can't choose to sit down and play every single video game in order, and have enough time to catch up.

The idea of "catching up" is interesting, by the way, because technically, if we kept producing video games at the rate we do, one could never play them faster than they come out. Technically, this could be an infinite task.

But I think that's what gets me is like.

I can choose today's date, at this exact point in time, and play every single game released before then and up until now, and do it!!! that's ridiculous!!!!

17776 (and it's sequel 20020) is a beautiful, amazing story, and it focuses on football, and this is because Jon Bois loves football, and loves talking about football, and wanted to tell this story about an infinite problemless humanity from the perspective of a pastime he loves. And like, that's why I want to really grapple with how would my story be different?

I'm not a football fan by any means, but I'm an avid fan of video games and I would love to see what that infinite world holds if you look at it from the perspective of my interests.

Something beautifully intrigues me about the idea of mastering every single game released, and learning every little trick and quirk about an individual game, fully mastering every element of its design before you move onto another. Fully experiencing every facet of every piece of media in a seemingly endless but still finite list.

There's the story within 17776 of a man who's been hiding in a cave for the last 9000 years, and has these little konami LCD games with him, and he plays each one for 300 years at a time, spending all of his time just. Playing this game that a lot of us would put down within minutes. Maybe hours if we're persistent.

And just.

It's overwhelming to think of how much detail and experience and beauty and things to discover there are in this world, and how comparatively little of it we each get to experience for ourselves, and I just. I get so emotional thinking about this story and about this world and about humanity. Fuck.

There is so much love and art everywhere you look and so much to experience and so much and I just. Agh!

I don't know how to end this post, there's no satisfying conclusion to the question "what if you had infinite time and you decided to play every video game that ever existed." I just think it's neat.