#A bad bitch like me can experience some insecurity from time to time but never about this!

[bisexual-horror-fan]

Hello becks, i dont mean to be rude or make you uncomfortable by this ask.

I also feel ok to ask you this because you are so nice and open about you poly journey and combined with your "auntie who is kinda motherly" aura its just a safe space i think.

So here it goes: do you have any fears of your partner falling for one of his girlfriends or boyfriends and eventualy end the relationship?

Again, id like to think im a pretty level headed person so if i crossed some line im sorry! Tell me if so and i will apologize!

Its just that concept its so foreign to me and i never met anyone who adopted that kind of relationship and from what i read they always say that is great and have a certain freedom with eachother but i never read the inicial fears of it.

Also, when i really like someone i have that "jealousy" that people have in monogamy relationships and thats why i asked the question 💀

Thank u for reading!

Heya Anon! First off, thanks for asking this, more than happy to answer it, this is a safe space it is true.

So I do not have any worries or fear in that regard. Mr.Bex and I have known each other longer than we haven't, we are both turning 31 this year and met when we were 12, we've been friends since high school and dating since I was 19, and he was 18. We have seen each other at our worst and most awkward, have helped each other through the hardest times of our lives, horrible pain and unspeakable joy, we've done it all.

I am more than confident and comfortable with the place of importance I have in his life. I am his best friend, and he's mine, we've been together in a romantic relationship for over a decade, and we're married, are insanely similar and have grown together. Jealousy isn't an emotion I have ever really felt, but Mr.Bex does feel it, and we are still polyam, he has done a lot of self work in that regard, jealousy isn't an inherently bad emotion, it's about how you respond to and act on it.

I love him deeply, and he loves me, we find polyamory makes our relationship stronger if anything.

Maybe it is me being kinda a cocky and confident dick but, I know there is no way anyone could take him from me, no one can replace me and I know he would never try, and why would he? Because he can have other partners in his life. He can love other people, he is in love with his current girlfriend, (who is also my girlfriend atm) and that doesn't threaten what we have or make me worried in the slightest, him loving other people doesn't mean loving me less, it's not a finite resource.

(Also he's straight, not like I think there'd be a better chance of some dude stealing him away but anyway-) But in short, no, it is not a worry I have at all.

[darlingbabyboo]

Can you make a part 2 to the tr x bimbo girlfriend with maybe izana mikey and kazutora if you dont write for them or dont want to its okay have a good day/night<3

I hope you also have a good dabunnyight ૮꒰⸝⸝> ̫ <⸝⸝꒱ა Part 1 (Draken, Takemichi, Mitsuya, Baji, Smiley, Mucho) Part 3 (Hanma, Chifuyu, Angry, Ran, Hakkai, Inui)

"Honey, you're my slut!"

♡ More Tokyo Revengers Characters and their bimbo girlfriends ♡

Kazutora Hanemiya

He loves you so much!

Your cute little aesthetic

Your adorable mannerisms

Just everything about you is just so amazing he can't control how much he feels for you

Though that's also the problem...

He just really doesn't get why you're with someone like him

You're just so amazing and he has a lot of insecurities and baggage and you're this pure beacon of light

How could you be with someone like him?

But you make sure to erase any and every negative thought he has

He won't deny that he loves the pampering

"What's that?" Is the question that's he's been asking all afternoon, but it can't be helped, he's just pretty clueless when it comes to the makeup world. He's eager to learn though, especially when you're the one teaching him.

You're focused on your craft, for once, the smarter one in a situation. "It's just mascara, supposed to really make your eyes pop-not that you need it, honestly." You cup his cheek with your hand. "Every part of you is just so beautiful!"

He squirms at your unfiltered praise. "That's not true. I-" You give him a deep kiss, stopping him from spewing any self-hatred.

He knows your lipstick will stain against his lips and he finds that he enjoys the thought of that, being marked by you. He relaxes into the kiss, you make him feel worthy of love.

Manjiro Sano (Bonten Mikey)

Mikey's life is practically defined by how much he's lost

His entire life is filled with grieving for the people that have left him or have passed away

His heart has hardened, and he cares for very little in his life

And you're one of the rare few

Mikey enjoys being with you so much because you just love him unconditionally

He doesn't have to pretend to be someone else or put on a light facade

He can talk about some really dark stuff and you won't be scared of it, no matter how much you probably should be

He also just likes how airy you can be

He finds it endearing, and even if the things you say can be a bit stupid, he always gets a good laugh out of it

You're just his special girl ᰔ☆(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*ᰔ

And god forbid anyone talk about your outfit

He'll destroy them

He always got his girls back

It's one of the few days of relaxation that Mikey gets and he's decided to spend it with you, just cuddled together at home. Due to the nature of his job, you two don't spend a lot of time together, but he cherishes the moments you do get. Right now you're on his lap, perfectly manicured hands typing away at your phone.

"Baby, I want this." He focuses on what you've added to your cart and finds a necklace similar to his tattoo. His lips curl into a smile.

"For me?" You nod your head eagerly and wrap your arms around his neck.

"So when you're off doing all your work, we're still connected."

You look at him with so much love in your eyes, like the 'work' you're brushing off is simply an office job and not committing multiple crimes. He doesn't know what he's done to deserve it, but he knows that you're one of the few good things left in his life. He presses his lips against yours, he's never letting you go.

Izana Kurokawa

He loves you so much okay

Like, his heart is overfilling with how much love he has for you

You're perfect in his eyes

It's amazing how he could be blessed with someone like you

He thinks that you're one of the best things that has ever happened in his life

And for the person that he views as an angel, he doesn't want the rotten world corrupting you

He knows how bad the world can get (first hand experience is a bitch) and he doesn't want that for you

He has a smile on his face for every one of the silly things you say

He throws money at you like it's nothing

Is your biggest hypeman

Only wants the best for his queen ❤

"Pretty I was looking for you!" He hears the click clacking of your heels before he sees you. Instinctively, he opens his arms so that you can catapult inside of them. As you bury your nose in his neck, he restrains the urge to laugh at your pet name. Him, pretty. No one else would dare call the leader of Tenjiku that. But you're... different.

"How was your day princess" Brushing his thumb against your cheek.

"It was fine, but," you jut out your bottom lip, "I really missed you-why haven't I seen you all day! "

"You don't remember? " You furrow your brows at the comment, as you try to recall what he's talking about.

He laughs, a light laugh that doesn't fit what he's saying. "You told me some guys were talking shit about your gorgeous outfit, I dealt with them."

You pull away from him and see that his fists are dripping with blood. You gasp, and he wonders if you're mad at him. If, finally, you're going to leave him like everyone else. But, you've seen his darker side before, surely you won't leave him for something like this.

Proving him right, you clasp your hands around one of his and start to gently kiss each knuckle. "Thank you pretty, you shouldn't have." Your kisses leave behind some lipstick residue but Izana doesn't mind, he watches you in complete awe. He brings up his other hand and cups the side of your face gently. "Anything for you, my queen."

[deceptive-daydreams]

TW: mentions of bad mental health

im imagining eddie being absolutley taken back when he finds out how people have previously treated you resulting in hesitation when being vulnerable with him.

and he's been through some shit, he's not exactly one to be voluntarily vulnerable either but with the tables turned it's like a moment of oh. like you're hiding from him, muddling your own emotions as a means to keep the peace.

he realizes that coming in strong, asking "what's wrong?" almost too oboxiously like he's previously done, only chases you further into your mind, it only insinuates that there are consquences if you were to answer so rather than being met with honesty, it's always "nothing" followed by forced smiles and sucked back tears that he's regrettably brushed off in those moments, trying to keep you comfortable. but while his intention to ease your chaotic mind by simply moving on had no ill intent, he soon recognizes the harm its caused and the pattern he's assisted in creating.

realizes he takes it far too personal when you shut down on those particularily bad days, thinks it's cause of him, only to contribute to the self destruction taking place in your mind when he continuously begs the questions "what's wrong?" "what do you want me to do?" "what can I do?" "come on, tell me what's wrong". he never understood that he was never the issue but he quickly made himself into one by nearly berating and prodding you with his questions. and then one day he sees it. sees the way your eyes go dull when he asks.

sees the front you put on, "everything's okay" while your lip wobbles. he doesn't take it personal this time, there's nothing distracting him from the obvious signs, the symptoms of broken hearted individual struggling to keep up despite the aches and pains that linger within. its a heartbreak he's so familiar with yet seems to be so blind to in others, thinking he's the only one to experience it, not selfishly but hopefully. so he straightens up and silently tells himself to quit all of his bitching because this is bigger than him, it's not because of him. you need him and he's been too insecure to think that maybe words aren't required, not by you anyway. there is no quick fix, no remedy to just stop the pain like popping an ibprofen or slapping on a bandaid, it just is. raw pain and vulnerability that should be allowed to be felt, not cured.

so this time, he recognizes the wall you put up, just like every other time though it was previously ignored. before he can even say anything, he knows you're anticipating his bombarding questions that have no answer. sees the way you tense up, the slight panic in the way your fingers tremble at the prospect of being figured out. except this time he speaks softly, a shake in his voice because he's terrifed to scare you off once again. says "i love you" then gently wraps you up in his arms, provides a barrier between you and the world you're at war with.

holds you on the kitchen floor, face pressed to his chest with a mixture of tears and snot.

runs his fingers down your spine delicately.

whispers "it's okay" when he knows it is in fact not, only hoping you're able to decipher that he means it's okay that you're not okay, it's okay that it's 1AM and while the world is asleep you're both tangled up on top of crumbs and possible neglected coffee stains

apologizes.

because for all those times you've coaxed him through an unwarranted episode, he's been neglecting you at your worst. not on purpose but it's neglect nontheless. and he knows all about it.

sings under his breath when the sobs have stopped wreaking havoc on your body. quiet hums of a familiar song, you are my sunshine.

tucks you into bed, makes you a late night snack cause he knows your appetite fails you in times like these, kisses your forehead and threads his fingers through your hair.

he's not perfect nor has he ever desired being held to such a high standard. but for you he wants to try.

[blakbonnet]

AUTHOR OF THE WEEK: @darcylindbergh (@forpiratereasons)

Ever since the cancellation (and the second cancellation, thx max 🙃) I've found comfort in going back to fics that started it all for me - the OG fics that remind me of a happier time when the fandom was buzzing with activity, when it was all about meta and discussions and the love of the characters - and the first author I go back to to relive that is Darcy, without fail. I don't think you can read their work and be unaffected by it. Every single person I know has a favourite fic by them. Beyond lovely, lyrical prose, and brilliant plot - Darcy just gets them ✨ Read on to know a bit more about their writing process:

What's your writing process like? Do you start with the beginning or the end? Do you write in order or as the scenes come to you? 

Depends a little bit on how I came to the idea - was it an idea born from having a scene leap into my mind and now I’m just building the rest of the fic around it, or do I have a prompt, or do I have a goal I need to meet? So I start with whatever’s driving me to write the thing and I write the elevator pitch which is usually about 50 words of “what is this about.” Then I write a 500 word outline. Then I write a 1000 word outline. Then I start from the beginning and fill in to the end. I don’t usually write out of order, but I will if something really takes hold. 

Favourite trope or headcanon you like to explore while writing? 

Hurt/Comfort as a general trope. I like to write about finding the people who see you for who you are, the insecurity of disbelieving people could really love you, and the realization that it’s true, it’s really true: they do love you, not just as much as they say but so so so much more than they could put into words.

Whose voice is easier to write - Ed or Stede? Why? 

I think Ed is easier to write because his mind is very like mine (it’s definitely the untreated ADHD), but Stede is very fun to write because I think his sense of humor is quite like mine (it’s definitely the pretentious bitch /affectionate). They’re both so fantastically complex, I love being in both their heads. 

Your personal favourite thing you've written that you'd like more people to read 

Oh man this is a hard question. I will say I’m especially proud of “Bedtime Stories” which was a bit of an experiment and I’m so happy with how it turned out (@lindie-kninjaknitter did a great podfic too!) - and “Tenderly the Light” which I literally cried trying to write because I wanted it to work so bad and I trusted it so little, but with some distance I think it turned out really nice.

What is the one word that you think you use a lot? 

Not a word necessarily, but I like to write emotions as being felt in the inside of the elbows. I come back to that description a lot. 

Do you have a beta reader? Have they made you a better writer? 

I have a betaing cheerleader in @mintly who keeps me sane on the day to day. She reads about 75% of what I post in advance - the other 25% I’m just winging it really. Yeah, she’s absolutely made me a better writer, not just by helping me hone the story but by helping me trust myself too. 

Why OFMD 🥹

Gosh okay, the big question. For me OFMD is about - we spend a lot of our lives being put into little boxes ‘cause it’s tidy. It’s easy. And for a lot of our lives, we stick to our boxes because it’s easy for us too. We let it happen because there are expectations and we have responsibilities and obligations and these boxes keep us pinned in place, and it’s so easy to just stay where we’re put. 

But OFMD is about opening the lid to the box. It’s about seeing the light. It’s about how it’s never too late to open that lid. It’s about how if you just trust yourself enough and you trust the people around you, you can reach for a hand to lift you up and you can find one in the dark to help pull you out. You can find people, and you can find joy, and you can get out of that box and there’s so much room out there. And I know it’s hard. It’s so fucking hard. It’s okay if it’s hard. OFMD is about how it’s hard and scary and you will definitely fuck up and you will definitely have some scary moments wondering if you’re going to lose your balance and fall back in, but just hang on a little longer. Let that trust in yourself grow a little stronger. It’s better to stand unsteadily than to let yourself be made small again. 

And yeah, there will always be someone who wants to put you back in the box because it was easier for them, but you find your people and your joy and you hang on fucking tight and that’s stronger than easy. Our joy and our song and our communities and our hope will always be stronger than their commitment to easy. 

Rhys Darby’s legs don’t hurt either. 

Please head over to @ofmdlovelyletters (who also made the header) and send your love to all your favourite authors (and authors of the week 😈 watch that blog for some special letters coming your way)

[spicedfink]

Someone posted their opinion on tophabe and I'm not going to @ them since people are apparently being weird but it did make me want to voice my tophabe take because tbh it made me feel insecure and like I needed to explain myself because they were right and so real for what they said.

My thing with (s2) episode 8 is first off I can only process parts of it at a time because that episode made me uncomfortable Second is there is one major factors I take in when thinking about tophabe and a few minor factors: The biggest thing is Joan the canon end game love interest as far as we have been shown tried to point blank kill everybody which is objectively worse. As for minor factors I'll use bullet points: - Cleo also manipulates Abe not to that degree but for longer - All the cast are kind of bad people but the show only framed Topher's actions as bad which I found weird when I really thought about it then they said Harriet was a theater kid and I stopped caring about what the writing was meant to convey - Him giving good advice first in s2e8 reminds me of how I used to give a friend of mine bad advice as a joke when they kept ignoring my real advice and for some reason they took my joke advice seriously. - Topher wasn't in the classroom with Abe so he didn't know the teacher had been hitting on him so it feels like he's just making shit up on the spot - I don't see how Topher would have seen this working. Like it shows him being right there when it starts but like how? I know it's just because the plot said so but the actual "go sleep with this gross person" seems more like a "oh Abe would never actually do that" line of thought - like it reads more as "if I can get Abe insecure he won't ask Joan out" then "Abe will defiantly go for this" (still shitty but less) - It's a cartoon and their actions are exaggerated - s2e8 was such a horribly done episode all around that I can't do anything other than cherry pick it - poor mental health is hardly an excuse but man do I believe his therapist isn't doing him any favors (which is why I have his change therapist in my fanfics) - The fact they're still shitty high schoolers meaning they all have the most room for growth and I'm projecting my own journey of because and actual good person and figuring out my sexuality onto him (obviously wasn't his level of shitty but I said dumb shit and did weird emotionally charged things thanks to how I was raised and poor mental health) - Episode 1 of season 2 Topher got the t-rex arms so I attached myself to his character right then and there ("he's autistic just like me") - I like happy things. The show gave a character who they made clear was suppose to be disliked and bullied for being horrible and didn't show him do anything actually that bad until episode 8 out of 10. And before that ranges from normal weird teenager things he'd logically grow out of, trying too hard to be socially accepted and being mentally ill??? Like no. No I'm personally not going to think this character is a horrible person incapable of growth... And this is why my serious non one sided tophabe headcanons are all for when they are older because I really think Topher would, you know grow up and regret his past actions. Also since I see Topher as queer: internalized homophobia and the such are a bitch (speaking from experience)

I don't actually have a good reason for why Abe would like Topher back past I just think it'd be fun. If Abe gets with Joan and is friends with Cleo I think he should still be friends with Topher though

[celestialmantdonna]

Get to know your mutuals!

Name/Alias: Mint, Mint Tea, Minty Breath, Camper (in gaming), Opp (in gaming), Devourer of Chocolate, That One Bitch Who Steals Quizzes.

Pronouns: Yes.

Most Active Muses: Right now that would be Mantis, the GotG, Rosa Diaz, Spencer Reid, Zoey Davis, a few Greek gods and my silly little OCs!

Experience/how many years? Uhh about 13? But like 8 with Mantis.

Fluff, Angst or Smut? I love angst because I'm Dramatique but fluff is nice too :D Especially when the muses have been through Some Shit and need solace. I find that smut tends to drag on after a while, I have nothing against it, it's just a little repetitive for me. It can be pretty funny when the muses have powers and things get out of control though.

Long or short replies? It honestly depends! Some threads are really complex with many characters (like the crossover thread I have with @tarnishedxknight for example) and some others require more simple, shorter replies – if there's an argument or a fight/battle, replies will probably be shorter. It also depends on whether something is plotted or not, sometimes you just need to establish a few things or add context so a starter/reply might be longer because of that. I honestly like writing and reading long, detailed replies because I find them more immersive, but I don't think length = quality, nor I expect my rp partners to match length. My mutuals are incredibly talented and shorter replies are enjoyable too!

Pet Peeves: If I had to pick, it's one that can exacerbate many others and it's bad faith interpretations of everything. People who never give others the benefit of the doubt. "Oh if you don't follow me back it means you hate me!" "Oh if you use this FC it means you agree with this or that!" "Oh if you don't post about this event it means you don't care!" Look, we all have bad days, we all feel like haters sometimes. Speaking from experience, I have to check myself because I grew up on the defensive, but guess what, I can't make that everyone else's problem. I have to be understanding and give others the benefit of the doubt if I'm going to ask for it. My pet peeve is people who have decided that others always have the worst intentions, because no matter what you say or do, they'll find a way to reaffirm their narrative: the world is out to get them. Again, I've been there, I understand we all have that mindset sometimes. But we need to work on that so we can try and understand one another better.

Are you like your muse? LOL I wish! I wish I could say I am. Mantis is incredibly affectionate, sweet, kind, beautiful and intelligent and then I'm just. There. I guess. I'm not an alien (I think) but yeah, we have some things in common? We're both a bit socially awkward, a bit insecure sometimes, we're very loyal to our friends, we both love music, we're always trying to pet animals and I headcanon she's a bookworm like me, but I think that's about it. I try to be more like her, her outlook is so different from mine and it forces me to be more positive in order to write her. She has been a little voice of optimism inside my head for years now. Mantis has helped me immensely and I love her for that.

Time to Write: Oh man, it depends on the time of the year, the muse, the motivation, the time I have, and how many other hobbies are claiming my attention and my focus. Tbh to stay sane I need to write every day, even if it's just five words and I delete them afterwards, even if it's on pen and paper, but when it comes to rp it depends on a number of things.

tagged by: @mywilliingheart (thanks!)

tagging: @forevermuses @victoriousfidelity @centurie @heroicmultiverse @manaborn @trickstersintime and anyone who wants to do this!

[devisrina]

(I have no idea if you've answered this b4) Who's ur fav? Benvi, Bela-Eric, or Danny/Mindy (Ryan/Kelly is not an option)?

Hello Anon! I actually have not answered this before. So I might have to describe each ship, so I can give you the gist of which is my favourite.

To be straightforward- My favourite is Bela Malhotra and Eric Miller.

And Because I love talking about these ships, I'm going to give you the rundown of how I view each ship and if I like them or not.

(SIDE NOTE: This is going to become a long post.)

Danny and Mindy - THEY ARE AN ABSOLUTE NO FOR ME. I have never liked them one bit. He was alright in season 1, and I did sort of see the potential. But if I'm being honest, I preferred Josh, Casey, Sam, and even Brendan Delaurier over that misogynistic dickhead.

And in season 2 of TMP, I preferred Cliff Gilbert Over any other love interest she had in that show. He was smart, sweet, and had nice banter with her. He genuinely had an interest in her. And it pissed me off so much how they ruined his character to make DANNY of all people seem to like her better match.

And believe it or not, it got worse. DANNY LITERALLY SA'd her in season 3 episode 4. And this issue got 'resolved' by him explaining to her that he was insecure about his experience and wanted to try it out. LIKE BITCH DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE, WITH words? He literally made her feel bad for something that he did when he violated her.

Ben and Devi - They are pretty neutral to me. I don't actually dislike them, nor do I love them. If you asked me in season 1 if I was either Team Ben or Team Paxton, I would've 100% said, Team Ben.

But now, I kind of just think that they kept fucking with their storyline. I got tired of the fact that we didn't even really see them date and how they would be in a relationship. I genuinely don't think that they would be toxic, they were really cute in season 4. But another thing that annoyed me quite a lot was the lack of communication, and the fact that Eleanor and Fabiola kind of push her away from ever really expressing to Ben how much she likes him. Like, Ben wants Devi to be open about her feelings, it really doesn't matter if she comes off looking uncool or not.

Also, I kind of liked how realistic Ben was in season 1 in comparison to how he is in the other seasons. In season 1, he was kind of like a mixture of himself and Ethan in the way he would respond to Devi. Like the way, he was just kind of chill and more grounded. they just made him super cocky in seasons 2 and 3 and then tried to give him growth beyond that. It was clear he kind of held a bit of resentment towards her after she broke his heart. I just wish that they quit trying to hit the replay button with them. They could've had more scenes together.

Bela and Eric - They are my favourites! They are the vibes, and like Quinn from Kappa says, "We have to preserve the vibes."

And I love to proclaim myself as one of the people who defended Eric even before season 2. I just thought he was capable of growing and changing. And I love how chill and unfazed he is by Bela, he sort of just accepts her for who she is. I love it so fucking much. It's not cringe, and it's very natural in comparison to Ben and Devi. I just see Bela and Eric as their ages and the writing team does a good job of connecting them to college life.

Because with Devi, you can kind of see when 'Mindy Kaling Dialogue' is set for her. And I wince every time I have to hear something along the lines of that. But with Bela, because the actress who plays her has this charisma where she doesn't really care what other people say, it just works. I know, Bela is insecure when it comes to how people view her, whether it is with her comedy writing, boys, making friends etc. The actress doesn't get enough credit for her variety and range.

Just to disclose, I am a Bela supporter. I think the fandom is too rude towards her, the fact that some of them even compare her to Ryan is truly gross to me. I don't like that she cheated on Eric, but it also kind of bothers me to see how many people were quick to dislike her. Especially since everything Eric says kind of gets swept under the rug the minute Bela does something shitty. And let's be honest, people love the 360 development of the 'asshole who is not so much of an asshole' and it happened with Eric. He literally heard her tell him that she was being ordered around by the comedian, and he just swivels in and takes the opportunity. Bela is not Innocent, what she did was horrible, and while the thing he did was not as wrong, it was still a shitty move. I've seen people dislike Bela since season 1, people will just jump at the chance to dislike her. And she got assaulted last season, and people overlook that because the narrative doesn't lead us into it. Like yes, the show is kind of shit when it comes to following up on major plot points, like with Whitney literally being Gr**med. But that doesn't mean that it didn't happen. It clearly affected her.

And people like to use the handjobs as a reflection of Bela always being sex-crazed. No, it just REINFORCES that she was broken even before college. She had all of this cultural pressure on her, she never had many friends, and she was nerdy and uncool. She had such a bad and negative view of herself before, so she's sadly just giving into any attention she might get even if it's bad.

And I think Eric would've been a good influence on her if they made a better choice in the way they wrote them. He warmed up to her in ep 10, he kind of just looked annoyed with her in Episode 1 of Season 2. There wasn't even any room left for subtext. After he gave her advice, and she left, he could've been seen looking at her walking away before he slowly closed the door. It could've been a parallel moment to the caution tape scene in the quad.

And the reason I loved Bela and Eric so much is that he was essentially who she would've been if she was more security with herself. Like, notice how she likes his glasses and his nerdy comedy vibe. He is the version that connects her to her old self where she was nerdy and loved comedy. Of course, she still loves comedy, but she tried to feed into that cool girl vibe. And that shows a lot about how she is with Priya. She is so insecure when she sees Priya's glow up and her jealousy of seeing how quick she got along with everyone kind of hurt her. It is wrong that she was projecting onto her, and it's not okay to be rude to people because they look nicer.

I think the most infuriating thing Bela did for me was when she was with Jorjia and ruined everything with the foxy. Evangeline and Jo were really on her side and it makes me sad that she self-sabotaged.

I do believe that Bela and Eric could get back together. But I think they need to develop a better connection as friends. Without the benefits lol.

I'm thinking that maybe they could have an encounter where they both have the same internship. At this point in time, Bela might be at another school if she did follow through with the transfer. Or she could still be in Essex, but they just don't talk to each other. Eric is mad at first and Bela doesn't blame him. Maybe there is a point where she helps him gain more exposure, and he kind of sees this as a silver lining. Like maybe she has changed. During this, Eric decides to let her in more and they have a nice friendship. He might try dating someone else for a bit, and Bela helps him navigate it because she doesn't want to be jealous or rude. I want her to go through therapy during this, so she can self-reflect. I think at some point Bela and Eric could have a moment where they almost kiss or gaze intently into each other's eyes. They kind of just brush it off, and Bela thinks everything is okay and it was a heat of the moment, thinking he didn't feel anything. But Eric wanted to kiss her. He might quit dating the girl afterwards because he realised he still has feelings for Bela. And because he's Eric, he kind of doesn't know how to deal with this, so he kind of pushes Bela away anytime they are at the internship and Bela asks him if he was okay.

And there could be a point where he almost sabotages the internship for himself and he bursts out the door. Bela could follow him out. Then she'd be like. "I have tried so hard to get on your good side. What else do you want?" It's kind of like a parallel to the summer theta party where Eric asks her what she wants.

Then he's feeling a mixture of conflict, anger, and everything above. But he knows he can't blame her. "I-I'm just mad."

And she shouts. "Why?!"

Then he's like. "Because you made end things with ____"

And she's all confused. "Why is that my fault?"

And then there is a moment of silence and the tension is thick. And she's like. "Well?"

And then he's like. "God damn it Bela-" and then he leans forward and they both know what is about to happen next when he kisses her.

It's all passionate, and then he releases for a second when they have to breathe, and they're all wide-eyed and their lips are swollen. And he says "Because she wasn't you."

And then following it, they slowly take their relationship slow. They talk to each other about their feelings, and they become an official couple this time.

So yeah, I didn't expect this to be such a long post. But yeah, thanks for the question!

[rocky-the-rockstar]

1. 3. 5. 8. 11. 17. 19. 20. 21. 23. Gingerstorm NOW

JESUS SO MANY THANK YOU :0

1. What memory would he rather just forget

I can't tell you that because it hasn't happened yet :)

3. Fatal flaw and is he aware of it

Feels some emotions so intensely that they become irrational, and others almost not at all. For example he has a hard time feeling and expressing empathy and remorse for strangers or acquaintances and by extension has trouble forming close bonds (his whole life not just during the apocalypse). But he experiences anger, jealousy, and pride to such an extent that they cloud his judgement. He also by default is so self loathing and insecure that any sense of pride ego or accomplishment is addicting. This can cause him to pretend to be overly confident to a point where he comes off as a dick or just full on put himself in danger by being overly cocky for the sake of adrenaline.

He's????? Somewhat aware of this. I believe denial may be the word 💀

5. How far is he willing to go to get what he wants

Mehhhhhhhhhh this could potentially be spoilery?!?!????? And it really depends on the specific situation. He has low empathy and a wacked up sense of morals but he's generally a good person. Things like theft and lying to strangers are on the table no question even before the apocalypse but it would take soooo much to get him to do anything drastic. However its easy to get under his skin and manipulate him due to how intensely he feels negative emotions and praise, and its probably easy to break down and brainwash him *cough cough* but you didn't hear that from me :3

8. Would he ostensibly be able to get away with murder

I really don't think so 😭 first of all I'm not convinced he COULD kill a person, but like if he WERE to kill some non-infected person?? You know how Raskolnikov would get so anxious when he heard discussion of the murder that he got physically ill and would pass out?? And would get so scared of being caught that he would just impulsively confess?? Yeah. That's this bitch. Painfully obvious, which is extra funny cuz he isn't even a bad liar by any means, he's just dumb and guilty. Bonus points tho if no one suspects him despite it all for some reason, just because I think that's hilarious.

11. Weapon of choice, has he actually used it

His taser is his favorite but it's not all that effective against zombies, it's mostly for non fatal defense against other survivors or animals, so he doesn't use it all that much. His other two weapons are a crossbow and a crowbar, he uses both a lot obviously.

17. What's the worst thing he's been put through story wise

You silly goose that would be spoilers

19. How does he act when enraged

Ok well Gingerstorm is Anger Issues Central for starters. He's very quick to anger and an explosive type, throws and hits things, yells a lot. If really angry he'd probably just go outside and smash things till he feels better. Afterwards he's very "lmao ok so anyways-" He would never ever physically take his anger out on Greenstripe or the cats, Greenstripe would have to do something that crossed a huge line to Gingerstorm personally in order for him to hit him and even then I don't think he could. However there have been times where he slipped up and yelled at him, which he immediately apologizes profusely for, but even that is a rare occasion. While he's not good at controlling his anger in general, he's pretty good at not taking it out on those he loves.

20. Does he have a tendency to get jealous and if so how does it manifest

UH YEAH. How it manifests depends on the type of jealousy. When it comes to something like thinking someone he's close with likes someone else better than him, he's irrationally easy to set off. Like the slightest shift in vibe has him rethinking his entire worth to that person. This he feels the most intensely but tends to bottle up and and just kinda self loath in silence. He may get more clingy and affectionate or completely shut himself out for the sake of "not bothering" the other person since they "don't want him", it's kinda a 50/50 shot as to which he'll do. Either way he's just being dumb and it doesn't take much at all to reassure him, a little bit of affection and a few kind words and he's like "oh lol I was just being dramatic, anyways"

Now jealousy as in like "this person has something that I want" he doesn't usually care that much, like he's jealous but not enough to do anything about it.

If he's jealous of a specific person because like? He sees them as the embodiment of what he wishes he was, or he feels like they're replacing him (wether this be in a relationship or just like "hey that's MY thing you're stealing my vibe") he'll hate their guts. Probably irrationally, but he'll be the most petty mf.

21. Does he have any illnesses or disorders and how does he handle them (TW for mental illness talk and brief mention of suicide)

Chronic joint pain 😔 it's manageable most days but there's days where he can barely do anything. He pushes himself to the limits all the time but there are days where he may need help walking, and he feels stupid for so and apologizes a lot to whoever is helping him (literally who would it be other than Greenstripe 😭) he also denies to rest a lot but Greenstripe would probably force him once he starts going "ow ow fuck ow" every five seconds.

Mental - bro for sure ADHD, aspd, depression, anxiety, suicide ideation, symptoms of psychosis, and dissociation/derealization issues. He may also have bpd but there's no psychiatrists in the apocalypse who knows [shrug] just know he displays most of the symptoms. A lot of it is caused or amplified by the apocalypse, but he wasn't exactly ok beforehand either

He has a generally "fuck it we ball" mindset about most of it and will even deny that he's not ok. Again, it's the apocalypse???? Yeah he's gonna be kinda fucked up???? He finds it manageable, but when things DO get really bad they may result in some weak half hearted attempt to take himself out but he feels too much guilt towards the idea of leaving his friend and cats behind in a literal apocalypse to commit to it. He just lets himself get busted up a bit and then goes home like nothing happened.

All that being said he's much easier to keep happy and healthy than he is to actually spiral since he finds a lot of joy in the simplest pleasures, he just has this underlying "dawg I hate myself and am scared all the time" mentality that came free with the zombies. He's also a clown around so that I can avoid reality kinda guy

23. What emotion is the hardest for him to process. How about express

Process - grief, sadness, loneliness, helplessness, pain in general

Express - sadness, helplessness, frustration, love (in a coherent way, he's very affectionate and babbles "I love you"s a lot but is a mess if he tries to put it in words beyond that), overall VERY bad at putting his emotions into words and intentionally acts like a loud fool to avoid them

[merlions]

Can I also add that unfortunately, "being kind to those you are afraid of/feel are hurting you makes you vulnerable to harm so you better be angry at them instead" is EXACTLY why bullies bully people. It is the start and end of their thought process, and it's why thinking like that will never break any cycle, will not protect you from being bullied, may even turn you into a bully yourself.

Here's why it doesn't protect you: all bullies WANT is for you to have an emotional reaction to what they're saying. If they're mean to you for the purposes of bullying you, they want you to get angry and frustrated and sad. That's the power they're trying to get: the power over you to disturb you and have effects on your emotional state. When you react as if they've successfully hurt your feelings, they have succeeded in their task, and their system is affirmed to themself. "Wow I sure bothered that person. It's going great!"

Being kind instead is SUCH a powerful tool against bullies for exactly this reason. If you are capable of maintaining your own mind and emotional state no matter how awful someone is to you, you show them that they don't actually have power over you.

Sure, this does freak a lot of people out (having what feels like a certain, 100% hit rate weapon for gaining power over someone suddenly firing blanks can do that to an insecure person), and sometimes this does make people angrier - at first. But that's not because you've made yourself vulnerable, it's because they're perceiving everyone as "I have to put them down before they have a chance to hurt me" and you've just shown them you're actually invulnerable to anything they've got.

They see you as having equal power (or at least they don't have power over you), and because they're afraid everyone is going to hurt them all the time if given the chance, they may then perceive you as a threat. Like on a nervous system level, fight or flight. Do it anyways. When you then don't immediately kill them, their nervous system gets a chance to start unworking the fuckin knots it's twisted itself up into.

A weird side effect of this is that they may start immediately sharing the most personal, vulnerable things you can imagine. It's so wild. Take this with grace. I've had so many experiences where someone who's well known for being universally cruel and hostile says something awful to me, and then when I respond with kindness, then says shit to me absolutely unprompted. Like "I think I lash out at others because I'm scared they're gonna hurt me first. I don't like myself much. My parents were pretty terrible to me growing up, and I don't know how to make friends." Or whatever their thing is that slams the fear button all the time. And then if I respond with sympathy and relate to them, I notice them slowly begin to change over time, trying out kindness instead of proactive hostility. (Or like especially with high school friends I eventually notice them come out as trans on facebook and then they're normal non-hostile people after that. Many such cases. Turns out being in excruciating, mysterious-origin emotional pain all the time makes you feel afraid of everything bc like what's causing that..."oh shit it was the gender again" lol)

Anyways. I've never regretted kindness, never had a bad experience, never had an experience where using kindness instead of reactive hostility didn't gain me at least something. At the very least they get afraid of ME. I've worked with some people who like, other coworkers will come up to me and go "you're so sweet! Tbh it's like a flashing dinner bell for predators! Why is our asshole coworker always doing you favors and working hard on things you request and asking for your help on things? ONLY ever you?" And I'll be like well every time they try to tear me down and I just don't even emotionally react to it at all and stay cheerful, they get FREAKED out like palms sweaty arms spaghetti and go somewhere else for a while. They're my little bitch now. And when they're afraid of something they sometimes actually come to ME for help cause they know I'm strong enough to protect them!

This power is immense...padawan you can learn the potent ways of this mysterious force and save the galaxy...seek within yourself.. the power is already within you............

I'm so serious about being kind above all else. it has genuinely changed the way I interact with the world on a fundamental level and has made me so so much happier.

[review-anon]

I might want to speak somethings as Sunako's creator and why she acted the way she did, well given her first interactions; I never really saw her as a brat in fact if anything, I would say she's more mature then canon!Hiyoko or even canon!Hibiki or canon!Iroha in some aspects and seeing as the 3 did get character development, that might explain why she's a brat but I would say that she probably be more mature then other kids.

As for your issue there; well... let's remember the Sunako we met was from 2030, meaning that it's been a few years during that time and certain things had occur far before some of them were born, not around or didn't know and well, 2030 is mostly just them dealing with the consequences of the QC's actions; I mean none of them were really there when they all agree to mind-wipe Kanade or agree with Yasuke, right?

So if you all wonder why Sunako acted that way, I mean you wouldn't want her to go up and say first; 'Oh by the way, one of your kids had cut ties with you because Hibiki couldn't let her sister go.' or 'your granddaughter hates you and wants nothing more to do with you because you didn't kill this bitch that hosted all these killing games for decades.' Like... would the QC feel any better learning all that, probably not?

So I think Sunako in 2030 was considering the group's feeling and sure she was dancing around the bush, but I think we need to consider from their POV and understand that those in 2030 are simply dealing with the consequences of the QC's actions here, it would make things understandable if you think of it like that.

So I think a lot of Sunako's issues did come from Shirogane, and now that she's been taken care of - she'll be doing a lot better especially given she got involved now too. - Mod Poi

Yeah in retrospective seeing how the usual brats in canon by the time Sunako showed up are better as people, it does make her look bratty by contrast. Obviously her introduction scene she was telling off Teruteru for trying to flirt with her classmates which let’s face it, wasn’t one of his finest moments, but then her calling Etsu creepy didn’t curry flavour.

I guess my initial opinion of her would have been made better if we had more scenes with her current self before her 2030 self showed up, but that one scene is literally all we had. Like imagine for example Mikako never reconnected with her mother, and suddenly we are told from the future that Koroko actually feels remorse and does make amends . Would people accept it?

I think not.

Besides it didn’t matter how you and Bubbles presented it in the end, I had such a bad history with people “protecting my feelings” for actually malicious reasons that I wasn’t gonna ever view Sunako’s reasons in anything other then a deceptive light. It has been lessened now but it’s still a reason why cognitively I get quite angry whenever I hear about white lies. A lot of why the Sunako situation went the way it did was because of me, not anything you or Bubbles did.

If there is one takeaway here is that trauma is really ruinous and can really mess people up and make them not think straight. The Price of Fate was a prime example of that both in and out of universe. Hajime had his Thou Shall Not Kill rule because of trauma. Nikei is an insecure mess because of trauma. Kyoji has a guilt complex due to trauma. Sunako didn’t present things right due to trauma. And finally I didn’t handle that situation right due to…well it’s a stretch to call it trauma but I definitely call bad experiences.

On a side note, it’s why I don’t think I will ever include NWPM/DTFA characters in my sketches. I will allude to them, but I will try to write things so I don’t have to show them. As I feel I wouldn’t be able to portray them accurately enough to mine and your standards. Well in the latest one, I didn’t feel it was necessary to have Etsu yell at RA. You could fill in the blanks on what she said :P

[thelast-nightonearth]

During the separate ways game, Ada basically stalks Leon for more reasons than one, main one being he will lead her straight to the amber.

She only faces herself to Leon after Ashley runs away to that room, when she's no longer with Leon so she can instigate that he leaves Ash and come with her instead- so she doesn't even have the bravery to say what she had to say in front of Ashley. In separate ways on multiple occasions she is on the outside and hears Leon fighting zombies, and on one you can hear Ashley crying in the castle room from her POV. Later, she totally eavesdropped on the conversation between them inside that room. Because she calls Leon on the comms a little later, and gives him a tip about Ashley to help him- even though she was JUST saying to leave her to die.

Jealousy at its finest.

"Look at me Leon, I'm helping you, be grateful! Pick me!"

She proceeds to mock and belittle Ashley, and says "babysittings tough huh?" Another micro-aggression and effort at humiliating and degrading Ash, and to make herself look better, and better deserving for his attention, her desired effect is- she wants Leon to think Ashley is pathetic and isn't deserving of his help. But he doesn't, not for a second.

The next comms they have, Leon becomes passive aggressive this time. A sarcastic "I guess I should be.... Thankful?" With a bit of annoyance in his voice shows me he's not even appreciative of her and is still suspicious. She proceeds to be a bitch still, and say "Yeah. You should." . He knows he can figure it out on his own, and that he doesn't need her. When he sees Ada hung up in the air and he says "he thinks he's gonna lure me out." Leon wouldn't leave her to die, especially with all she's done for him this far-

Ada knows this. She knows his kind heartedness will get her out of that situation. All the "selfless" seeming aid she's given Leon had it's benefits.

She knows he will feel indebted to her because he's a good person. He saves her, and she STILL steals the virus.

She found herself too caught up in Leon, the feelings of envy and anger in her, and she wanted out of the job, even though she knew exactly what unleashing this virus further into the world meant. In a split second, her jealousy got the better of her.

Just like on the comms, she was compelled to do something good for Leon in an effort to prove to him that she's a *good* person and hopefully get his trust, only because she views Ashley as a competition + the plaga sample.

But she knows if the virus gets out, Leon will know it's all Ada's fault and will never like her.

Her pathetic attempts at getting Leon to like her turns her into this insecure broad, chasing Leon's attention.

Like the constant asking if he'll come along with her. Leaving Ashley to die in the process just to fulfill her own selfish needs.

Showing the audience that all the things she did for him was just a ploy to get ahead, which is why Leon doesn't even seem betrayed like he did in re2. He already expected this to happen.They made Ada a bitter, jealous and insulting person in the remake. Constantly calling Leon a dog and dehumanizing him, making bitch faces at Ashley when she demands Ada help him, and getting all upset when he doesn't want to be with her (NAH SHIT!!!) all because her manipulations aren't working. In the remake, she quite obviously has some sort of feelings for Leon but doesn't have the capacity to make non retarded decisions. You can tell the rejection really got to her when she impulsively asked Wesker what he'll do with the virus. She knows what he'll do. He's a mastermind, a psycho. She's not a vegetable and can reasonably understand that he will use it for bad. This isn't her first time around, anyway, can't blame it on naivety.

At the very least he'll use it to experiment on innocent people- but there's always an endgame (world domination and/or destruction). They desperately tried to save her character by making her hijack the plane after she heard there will be billions of casualties.

Ada disappears for the entirety of the saddler-leon fight until the end. She got Intel that Wesker's chopper was making land. And needed to secure the amber immediately. She had the rocket launcher the whole time, but chose not to help because that's her resources. Ultimately, she didn't help until it benefitted her, and when Leon was exhausted from the fight, she swooped in.

She genuinely looks so disappointed that a good hearted hero like Leon doesn't want in on her grimy, terroristic instigating schemes. It's actually gross. And even so, I think the feelings she has for Leon are more of "pick me, choose me" seeing as she demonstrates zero remorse or decent qualities to show she tries for a person as great as Leon.

When Capcom sat down to write RE4make and Separate Ways, they had to have a moment of reckoning when it came to Ada's character:

Do they continue to write out her romance with Leon, or

Do they commit to her role as an ambiguous third party agent keeping her fingers in all of the pies?

They chose the latter. They chose the latter because it was more important, narratively. And they couldn't have both, because having both doesn't make any fucking sense and never has made any fucking sense.

Ada is a selfish character, at her core. To have her constantly be soft for Leon undermines that selfishness and makes her other actions not make any sense; if she cared that much about him, why would she continuously serve the bad guys that make his life a living hell? And the reverse is also true. Why would she care so much about Leon if all he does is get in her way and act as a distraction for her?

So anyone who complains that RE4make's Separate Ways didn't show Ada caring enough about Leon -- that was the point. They solidified her identity as a character by doing that.

The writers of the Remake series made a conscious decision to make Leon and Ada's interactions/relationship in RE2make serve an actual function/purpose for their characters instead of "uwu they're in love."

For Leon -- Ada taught him that the people opposed to him aren't always bad guys. She taught him the true lesson of "the road to Hell is paved with good intentions." He learned to trust that little voice in the back of his head that tells him "something's not right here." She also taught him that there's a way to do the right thing without following the rules -- and, sometimes, by breaking them entirely.

For Ada -- Leon taught her that being independent doesn't mean self-isolating -- because just looking out for herself and no one else actually resulted in her just keeping her head down and not asking questions, which screwed her over big time in the end. Leon didn't teach her love or compassion or empathy; he showed her that she was actually being just as naive as he was, just on the other side of the fight.

Basically, they both taught each other: QUESTION EVERYTHING. Because that was the one thing that neither of them did in RE2make until it was way, way too late.

And so, in RE4make/Separate Ways, Ada spends far less time and emotional energy worrying about Leon because she's actually taking the lesson he taught her to heart and she's questioning the people and circumstances around her in order to protect herself. That was the point of her early voiceover about how Raccoon City changed her perspective and made her start asking where her efforts were going and why she was doing what she was sent to do.

She doesn't ask questions for moral reasons. She asks them for selfish ones. Because Ada is an inherently selfish character.

On the boat, Leon asks Ada: "Are you just trying to use me again?" and Separate Ways answers and repeats over and over and over again: YES. The only reason she helps Leon in the village and at Mendez's house is so that he can continue being useful for her. Because Leon didn't teach her to care about people; Leon only taught her how to better take care of herself -- the same way she did for him.

This is a really damning exchange of words:

So, yes -- Ada is using Leon in RE4make. Yes, she only helps him because it benefits her. No, she genuinely doesn't care whether he lives or dies. Yes, she meant it when she told Leon to leave Ashley for dead, and yes, her sole reason for doing it was to get Ashley out of the way because Ada found Leon's new demeanor hot and she wanted to fuck him. No, she had no intention of taking Ashley with them on the chopper at the end -- because yes, her invitation to Leon was a bookend to her earlier offer for Leon to leave Ashley and go fuck her (Ada) instead.

And that's why Leon tells her to go fuck herself and shakes his head in utter disbelief when she asks if he's coming with her.

Because Ada is a selfish character.

I don't say this to hate on the character or even express dislike for her. This doesn't make her a bad character -- in fact, the opposite is true. It makes her consistent, which makes her a better written character overall from what/who she was in OG.

It also doesn't make her evil or a bad guy. Ada Wong is the most Chaotic Neutral character in the entire RE series -- even moreso than Billy Coen or Jake Muller ever were. She's in it for herself, and that particular approach is neither inherently morally good nor evil.

But Aeon is dead canonically in the Remake-verse. It was sacrificed in the name of bringing consistency and logic to both characters.

And that was the true point of the boat scene.

Neither of them have changed who they are at their most fundamental level. Leon is still the selfless hero, and Ada is still the selfish spy. Their relationship in RE2make served as a strengthening of those core traits -- not an erosion of them. Leon can better protect and save Ashley because of the lessons that Ada taught him, and Ada can successfully outmaneuver Wesker because of the lessons that Leon taught her.

But that doesn't change who she is. It doesn't change who either of them are. In fact, it only served to create a more authentic version of them both. Leon is more zealous in his heroism, and Ada is more committed to her own self-preservation and naked about her selfish intentions.

The only people in RE4make who changed who they were were Luis and Krauser. Luis for the better, and Krauser for the worse. And they both paid for it with their lives.

[thefanboyhub]

TW: Mentions of dark themes such as Sexual assault, Death, Abuse, Violence. Delusional themes related to daydreaming, more specifically maladaptive daydreaming. Curse words and foul language used; improper English and not proof read. Vent post but also an acknowledgement and brutal truth about maladaptive daydreaming.

If these themes make you uncomfortable do not read this and if you read anyways do not bitch about how graphic or crazy I am, stfu and leave me alone. If you related to this, I'm so sorry. We'll figure shit out buddy, don't die.

Some people really don't understand how bad Maladaptive Daydreaming is. Like I traumatized myself dawg, I've watched at least 20 of my own children or siblings (Dreamworld ones obviously) die in front of me. I've been shit, stabbed, tortured, abused, sexually harmed, like. Dawg. I'm not okay, my daydreams aren't happy go lucky rainbows: they're fucking brutal most of the time. I mean yeah I have good ones like finding the love of my life or doing good but there's always a twist. There's always something that breaks me just a little bit more. The worst part of it all is that I can't stop, I will never not daydream. I can't. I don't know how to exist without it. What's even worse is the fact I'm so detached from reality that I hardly feel any real emotions for people or when someone cries of something small I'm just like "seriously? Disgusting." Because my brain is convinced I've lived through worse. Even if I didn't actually fight in a war or kill someone for survival or was used as an experiment, my brain still keeps that shit locked in my code. It's part of the reason I have such a strong pain tolerance too. I can get so deep into the fantasy that I actively inflict physical pain on my body in a similar way that I'm dreaming about. That's not normal. I know it's not but I ain't gonna stop. How else do I function? I've been doing it since I was young, it's the one coping mechanism I rely on the most. Fucking hell a lot of my childhood memories that I swear up and down are real AREN'T. I will tell a story and my mom will straight up tell me that it didn't happen even though I can remember it in so much detail. I was a child and apparently I imagined getting stabbed by some random bitch but that never happened. It. Never. Happened. But I remember it. I remember the fucking pain of it. I remember the pain of losing any children I had, any siblings I swore to protect, every lover. I remember it all. But it's not fucking real. None of it is fucking real. It pisses me off but what else do I do? I never existed without this, I can't remember a time before I started daydreaming so deeply that it affected everything. It's why I get so pissed off when people lie to me because I genuinely have no idea when you aren't being truthful. My memory is bad that I constantly have to ask people what has happened even if I was actively there. There was a point in time where I asked my friends if something happened and they told me it did and I struggled to believe them. Do you know how fucked up it is to remember being raped but having no idea if it actually happened or not? Not knowing what memory was real or not is so hard when my daydreams are so specific and so very real. My mind is a maze and even I don't know how to escape it. So when I say I'm a prisoner in my own mind, I'm not talking about insecurity or anything like that: I'm talking about incapability to escape my dreams. Like I watched the love of my life die in front of me a few months ago. I HAD TO SNAP HER NECK TO PUT HER OUT OF HER FUCKING MISERY. I BURIED HER WITH MY OWN HANDS, AND MY DAUGHTER ASKED ME WHY I WAS FUCKING CRYING AND PUT A FLOWER ON MY LOVERS DEAD BODY AND TOLD ME TO KEEP LOOKING FORWARD. I cried for weeks. I was gone after that. That's the shit I deal with. I can't tell people this shit cuz they'll think I'm fucking crazy or that I'm lying or tell me to get help. Like nothing can help this, I just have to manage it. I have to try to stay present when I'm with people, I have to try to not isolate. It's so hard. The amount of shit I've been through without actually being put through it is bad. Not to mention the actual shit I've been through that started this problem. I hate it. I hate that I have this permanent disconnection to the rest of the world. I will never fit in because I'm not all here. I'm not normal. I'm not ok. I can't "fix" it. I'm fucking broken man. And I'm not sure what to do. It's weird. Anyways, yeah. Maladaptive Daydreaming sucks.

[alyjojo]

Next Major Life Change 🐛 September 2023 - Leo

What It Is: Wandering Path 🗺️, Wondrous Universe 🪐, 3 Cups, Queen of Wands rev, 3 Pentacles

Yaaaasss Leo! I smacked my table in agreement 😆 Got me over here knocking shit over. Your life change is a shift in consciousness, a wake up call, realizing things that just aren’t fkn necessary in your life, I love this for you. This involves your friends, family, coworkers, strangers on the internet, people you date, etc. Queen of Wands rev is a bully, a brat, she’s entitled, jealous, and insecure about other people, feeling challenged, triggered, resentful, all because she’s not secure in herself and her current path of life. She’s not a bad person. For some, she can be a particular outside person, or describing several you’re dealing with, 3’s are here twice. For many, she’s you. Or *has been* you.

You may have felt jealous of other people winning, achieving things, celebrating things, things you haven’t gotten yet. Keeping up with the Joneses and whatnot. General animosity and jealousy when it comes to life, people, success. Other people have affected you in negative ways, whether meaning to or not, and you’re realizing…this isn’t who you are! Not at your best. Not because you want to be. It’s just that bitch in the shadows of your mind popping off because…wow she’s really pretty, she has more money, more guts, better job, whatever. The comparing game is dying in you because you’re over it. Like do you even want that shit? No! So what’s the problem 😌 More than anything, you’re confusing your inner insecurities, and those of others. There could have been a projection of thinking everyone else hates you or something, but the issue is yours.

Why It’s Happening: The Fool, The High Priestess, 6 Pentacles

The Fool is a beginning, a fresh start, a new opportunity and outlook on life. He doesn’t know what lies ahead and he doesn’t care, he’s jumping off the cliff whether there’s water on the other side, or jagged rocks, and he’s not concerned about either, he will figure it out as he goes. Wandering Path shows exactly this energy, and even encourages it. So you haven’t had all of the answers, and you haven’t done thing the right way every time, and you’ve failed at some of the things you’ve tried to do. That doesn’t say anything about you. Except that you’re normal. It’s not about having pride/shame or proving others wrong, you learned valuable lessons through all of these experiences and you’ve only come out of them stronger. Some of these relationships you don’t want to just cut off and be rid of, you want to heal them and change them in a new way, by being kind, and opening up to others, being “the bigger person”. That’s an honorable way to be. If that’s the case, then it’s coming from a place of understanding that if others act in a standoffish way towards you, you’ve been that way too, so it’s more of a “no no, that’s unnecessary” kind of mentality. You get it. Growth 🌸

Advice: 9 Pentacles, 4 Wands rev, The Star

Very simply, the advice is to feel secure in yourself, with or without people. With or without approval, others clapping for you, because some won’t and never will. Some are immature af. Some are judgmental and can’t see outside of their own small perspectives, but you can see that and hear that and consciously decide to not accept it, not let it bother you. No one’s judgement of you actually matters, because you’re the one that’s deciding how things are going to be. Appreciate the beauty in everything around you, take your time getting lost in things and exploring unknown hobbies, places, experiences.

You’re fine regardless of what anyone else thinks of you, and you’re being divinely guided on the path you’re supposed to be on. But there’s still free will, detour as much as you want. Everyone has different timelines and life paths, there is not much you have to do, for any reason, because anyone says so. There are people on TikTok who travel the country in vans - and love it, literally you owe no one anything. Keep the people that clap for your happiness, and don’t mind the others, or ditch them altogether. Love who you are, where you are, and where you’re going. Explore everything you want to see or do. The end goal of life is just death, what is this pressure inside of you, there’s really no rush to get to the end 💙

[retroellie]

NSFW Alphabet with Daryl Dixon

Summary: NSFW Alphabet with Daryl Dixon :)

A/N: Hey y'all! sorry for just like dying but I've been not wanting to write. I've been wanting to write for Daryl for a hot minute and don't worry I'm still Ellies whore ofc :). I just have grown an obsession for crusty musty Daryl Dixon <3. I'm still writing for Ellie; I've actually been working on some Fics for her but i just needed a break from mommy Ellie :( But enjoy!

Warnings: NSFW, Knife play, mentions of pegging, BDSM, blood, normal TWD stuff

Word count: 3.2K

A= Aftercare (What they're like after sex)

Daryl is so caring afterwards. Daryl likes to put this tough guy persona on around others, but you really see him for what he is, a big teddy bear. So after sex, when your out of breath and fucked out, he will clean you up so gently. He will get a rag and clean his mess up while giving you soft kisses on your face, probably mumbling something like " Come back to me love..." because you are still a little high in the clouds. I just know this mf is so soft afterwards, i know from experience :).

B=body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partners)

Where do I start with this one... Well daryl worships the ground you walk on so him choosing his favorite part of you is like asking him to choose between his children. He really likes your hands, you keep them as soft as you can and he likes that. Plus he finds you using them in any way, sexual or not, just so hot. Your boobs are a close second (Daryl is a boob guy, i said what i said) He likes soft things and your boobs are soft and squishy, he likes playing with them.

He doesn't really have a  favorite part of himself, he's an insecure man. What more can I say? However he likes his arms, just because you say you like them so now, he's a big fan of them. Whatever turns you on fastest he's cool with.

C=cum (Anything to do with cum)

Daryl is super careful of where he cums, he'll cum on your stomach, tits, ass basically anywhere that isn't in you. He doesn't want to get you pregnant and there's not many ways to prevent it in the apocalypse, so his pull-out game is strong. He would like to have kids with you someday but as of right now he's okay with cumming on you, he thinks you look pretty that way anyways.

However there are times he finds condoms while on runs and bitch... he uses them up in like one day. He loves that he can cum deep inside you and not have to worry about you getting knocked up, because if he could cum inside you every time, he would in a heartbeat.

D=dirty secret

this is in fact a dirty secret, literally. He likes when you are dirty, like all bloodied up and there's literal brains in your hair. It just gets him going he can't control himself. He also likes seeing you kill people, no walkers, literal people (bad people obviously). Just seeing you take someone's life, seeing what you can do to a person when you're mad enough.  It also puts him in a more submissive mindset for some reason, like he wants you on top of him yelling degrading things towards him.

One time you had killed someone, probably one of the whisperes and he got so worked up, he begged you to fuck him right than and there. You gladly did, you took him and fucked him right in front of the boyd you had just killed. That's also a secret, he likes to be the submissive one.

E=experience (How experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

I don't see Daryl being that experienced tbh. I mean he knows what he's doing yeah, he knows where everything is and he definitely knows how to get a girl screaming but he's not had many people. He's probably hooked up with some junkies and hookers merle hung out with but he never really had what you guys have yk? So everytime you guys would fuck he would secretly be taking notes in his head, watching what every little move did to you.

F=Favorite position

He loves anything that involves y’all close, like super close. He loves missionary for that reason but his all time favorite is you riding him. He loves how he can just sit back and watch you take what you need, he’ll sit up so his face is shoved between your tits and he’ll just suck and lick till there’s no tomorrow.

He needs to feel close to you especially in such a vulnerable act, anything could happen in a single moment so him feeling close to you makes that fear melt away for a moment. However he does like it from the back sometimes, especially when he’s really mad at you for doing something stupid. He bent you over and smacked your ass while pounding into you, leaving bruises and fingerprints in your skin. He’ll sometimes choke you if he’s mad enough but he will always ask if he can hurt you in such ways.

G= Goofy (Are they serious at the moment or are they humorous?)

Daryl is a very goofy guy when you get to know him, like I said he has this big badass persona on all the time. He really lets his guard down around you and you’ve come to like it. So in bed he will definitely be a little goofball, he’ll have you giggling in seconds if he feels like it. Of course he likes to be more serious when trying to get you to cum, like ‘okay that was funny but we need to get back to make your squirm’ yk? But goofy Daryl is my favorite Daryl <3

H= Hair (How groomed are they down there?)

It’s literally the apocalypse so he doesn’t do anything down there. He barely showers half the time so take it or leave it… but however he will try to clean up down there when he gets to the commonwealth but you end up not liking it so he stops it. Something about him being all untamed is a turn on for you so his shaving made you feel strange.

He also doesn’t care about your grooming habits. I mean he’s eaten uncooked squirrel, dog and even worms so you being hairy or “smelly” doesn’t bother him one bit, he’ll still eat you out nice and right :)

I=Intimacy

Daryl lacks in the intimacy aspect of the relationship, he has a very hard time showing his love for you. Him wanting to be close to you all the time during sex is one of the many ways he attempts to show how much he loves you. You will never see Daryl Dixon making a nice candle lit dinner and than fucking you slow on the table after…no. Instead you’ll get dragged out into the forest, fed cooked fish and than fucked on a bunch of rocks and sticks. But that’s honestly good enough for you because that’s Daryl’s candle lit dinner.

J= Jack off (Masturbation headcanons)

Okay well Daryl is old, he feels like a teenager again when he has to masturbate so he just doesn’t. If he gets hard and you're not there, he just takes a cold shower because masturbating just feels wrong to him. However further into your relationship he finds himself sometimes rubbing one out but only when you're gone for a bit, other than that he lets you do all that.

K= Kinks

I feel like Daryl has a lot of kinks that haven’t really come out till you, he’s used to it being vanilla. So like he just fucks to cum and than that’s that. When you told him some of your kinks and how y’all can spice up the bedroom…. Bitch- he did not hold back. He really likes bondage, like a lot more than he thought he did. You were the first to bring bondage up and he was effy about it but once you started that he couldn’t stop. He always has rope or duck tape on him just in case.

He also likes using pain towards you in the bedroom, like slapping, choking, hitting of any kind. He will always ask for consent ofc and if you're not wanting to be too rough at the moment he won’t but he likes seeing the red marks it leaves behind and how you still adore him even when he’s choking you with his cock while slapping your face. He also really likes knife play or really anything that involves blood. He likes to make cuts on you and then lick them up, watching you wince as the sting from the wound hits you. The high of all the pain he gives you just gets him going but he’s also a little whore for taking care of you after.

L= Location (favorite place to do it)

He really likes to do it outside, especially out in the forest. I mean he basically lives out in the forest so y’all do it a lot out there. He does really like bending you over a tree and fuck you until you can’t stand, he loves seeing the little marks the tree leaves into your skin (that also adds on to the pain kink he got going in).  There’s also a chance y’all will get caught but someone or something which just makes the experience so much better. He actually prefers it when a walker shows up, it’s weird to say but to him that means he got you loud enough that a walker 2 miles away could hear your moans.

I have a feeling that one time your moans attracted a walker and while fucking you, thrusting into your so deep, Daryl pulled out his crossbow and shot the walker down… than just went back to fucking your brains out. He felt so hot in that moment but honestly you were too high on an orgasm to notice but you let him have his moment.

M= Motivation (What turns them on?)

Like I said when you kill walkers or people in front of him>>> he just can’t control himself I swear. He definitely likes when you wear his vest around him, when you hunt with him, when you tease him in public, when you wear low cut shirts… the list goes on and on. Anything you do will have him going but he’s learned to hide it, but you have gotten his walls broken down enough to know exactly what you do to him so you tease him even harder. He’s an old man… not a lot of old men get to have such a young, hot girlfriend like you so he takes full advantage of that.

N= NO (Something they wouldn't do/ turn offs)

He doesn't like being called daddy… I know I know, YALL are probably screaming at me rn. I just don’t think he likes it, he’s a father damn near (Judith and rj) and being called daddy just makes him feel gross. He also doesn’t like age play, he’s old and you're young so the role play is a little too realistic and it makes him feel creepy. Other than that everything is pretty much on the table, as long as you both consent to it and it doesn’t hurt y’all too much… he’s down.

O= Oral (Giving or receiving, skill etc.)

Don’t make this man choose plzzzz…. He loves both so much, he loves just fucking your mouth and watching you choke on it, one of this favorite things. However!! I think he likes giving better, he loves your pussy like mf he could go down on you for hours. There’s been times when he's had a bad or long day so he comes home, pulls your pants down and eats you out until you're shaking. He just loves pleasuring you more than anything, if he can get you to cum 4 times before he cums his first time?? It’s a good fucking day for him.

P= pace (are they fast or rough? slow or sensual?)

He’s so rough, maybe not exactly fast but he’s in you deep. Daryl can not be soft for the life of him, even when he tries he still ends up being too rough but good for him that he found someone who likes it rough :) It was a match made in hell!!! He loves to grab onto your waist as he pounds into you so he can literally be as deep as he possibly can and sometimes it gets so rough it’ll make your eyes cross. Basically by the end of it you’ll be worn out and definitely bruised

Q= Quickie (Their opinions on quickies)

He’s not the biggest fan of them, like he likes them when he’s busy or tired from hunting but he really likes long drawn out sessions. He just doesn’t like feeling rushed and quickies make him feel rushed, he just feels like his orgasm isn’t as good when y’all are doing a quickie. Like I said he likes to take is time with you, he likes to fuck you for hours at a time and he likes to bruise you up a bit.

When y’all are forced to do quickies he’s super rough and fast with them, like this man is animalistic when you guys are rushing to reach your highs. He’ll bend you over a table, not even bother with underwear so he just pulls them to the side, he’ll grab onto your hips and pound into you over and over until he’s cumming. He’ll even choke you, like a literal face turning bright red. He's choking you so hard and he’ll definitely bite you here and there. Again it’s all consensual and he doesnt hurt you too bad, it just helps him get off when he’s rushing.

R= Risk (Are they okay with experimenting? do they take risks?)

Daryl loves to experiment, I’m going to go a little deep into this for a minute. So he grew up kinda being exactly like Merle because he thought that’s how men were supposed to be. He was so much like Merle when y’all got together, like even down to the sex. He was selfish and greedy, he also had his ways out in front of him. Then he changed into himself slowly and that’s why he’s so into experimenting now, like he doesn’t really know what he wants so experimenting is super important to him now. As for risks?? He’s all for risks but they have to be safe, when they cross the line of “we are going to die” than it’s no longer fun, it’s just fucking terrifying. It’s the apocalypse so risks mean danger so he's effy on them.

S= Stamina (How many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He's an old man, you gotta give him breaks but he can go for a good 2 or 3 rounds but they typically last a bit. When you first got together he came super fast and it frustrated him, he would also cum and then leave because he was so embarrassed about it. Now he can last long but there’s times when he does cum fast but you were able to convince him there’s nothing wrong with it, if anything you were flattered because the pussy was too good :). But no Daryl is no sex machine but he will do anything for you, even if that meant 6 rounds all in one hour.

T= Toys (do they have toys and who do they use them on?)

So it is the apocalypse so toys aren’t a necessity but he does like toys :). He really likes handcuffs and vibrators, he  uses them on you but sometimes you manage to get him in the handcuffs or hold the vibrator up to his cock to watch him squirm. He definitely sneaks you dildos on runs because he knows you miss him and you get needy, so you have a few dildos to choose from when you get horny at night. One time you even managed to use the dildo on Daryl… so yes you did peg Daryl and yes he did honestly love it. Like I said, he’s a little experimenter and he wanted to try it before he said he didn’t like it.

U= Unfair (how much do they tease?)

He’s not the biggest tease however he loves to be teased. Daryl sometimes makes sexual jokes towards you or slaps your ass when on runs but he’s not too big of a teaser. However, when you tease him, it ignites a huge fire in him. He gets so needy and so upset that he’ll pull you into an empty room to fuck you or even flat-out finger you at the dinner table. Sometimes it’s just a big turn on that you think you’re actually getting to him, and you think your tough shit while acting all innocent when sitting on his lap in front of Rick. He just finds it so hot especially when he gets to rail you after

V= Volume (How loud are they?)

Daryl is not loud at all, he grunts and groans but he doesn’t really moan or scream. He’s grown in the habit of being quiet because of the walkers so he stays quiet but there is sometimes you will have him beg for you which is a power trip for you. He’ll beg you to ride him or beg for you to let him eat your cunt but other than that mf is silent, only basking in your sweet moans.

W- Wild card (Random headcanons)

Okay so I have had this debate on if Daryl is a top or a bottom but I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s a switch. He loves to dominate you but he loves it more when you do the dominating. He likes to just be used for a bit and allow you to hurt him or pleasure him in any way you’d like. He sometimes feels forced into being the dominant one just because he’s this big bad ass in everyone’s eyes but you see right through him. You will literally have him on his knees eating your pussy out as you yell such mean things out to him, one time you even had him crying he was feeling so good. I’m telling you, after you win this man’s trust, he will allow you to see every part of him.

X= X-ray (What's going on in their pants)

Again I never know what to put in these because mf… it’s a penis?!? Like I feel like he’s a little above average but honestly it’s all about how it’s used yk?!? It doesn’t really matter

Y= Yearning (How high is their sex drive)

His sex drive is pretty normal, before he met you it was actually pretty low tbh. Now that he met you he’s always wanting to be inside of you, I think it’s mainly because he’s so scared of you leaving him so he’s just always inside of you making sure you either can’t leave him or you just won’t want to leave him. Honestly if you are turned on most likely he will be too, it’s all about you to him.

Z= ZZZ (How quick do they fall asleep after?)

He usually doesn’t fall asleep too quickly after, he’ll stay up for hours after even if you're asleep. He’ll just lay in bed silently so as to not wake you, but he likes watching your chest heave up and down in your sleep anyways.

[moo-nstone]

random thoughts on the rising signs

aries risings are completely different when in a day-to-day basis compared to when in a position of power. when you’re with your friends, you’re this fun, energetic, loud person, but when you’re in a position of power... terrifying. you’ll completely switch to someone very serious and intimidating, with a very intense aura. i think it’s because you understand you have a very youthful aspect to you, both in appearance and energy, and you don’t want that to keep you from commanding respect. also because you’re very attracted to leading so that’s when you’re at your most focused. you’re very easy to irritate; as an aries rising, my friends always tease me because they know i’ll immediately doom them to an afterlife in hell. SO explosive, impulsive and chaotic, but that’s what makes you fun.

cancer risings you have such a delicate beauty to you. very sensitive to others’ emotions. people probably baby you a lot without even noticing it, they just want to protect/mentor you. you do very well with older figures like teachers and your friends’ parents. you also ooze maturity. a lot of the cancer risings i’ve met had to learn to be the responsible one in their families from a very young age, so now you take it upon yourself to take care of everyone around you – that’s probably why many people talk about cancer risings as being the “mom friend”. you have the chubbiest cheeks, i wanna bite them lol they’re so cute.

gemini risings look like literal models. VERY good with people, you can probably make someone do whatever you want by just staring into their eyes and telling them pretty words. but i’ve noticed how your communication can be easily misunderstood, you might come off as having certain intentions when you’re trying to convey the exact contrary. probably the alfa of your friend group and the one who has the most reckless, unhinged plans.. yet you’re never caught doing anything bad. you require a lot of stimulation so you’ll do whatever it takes to scratch that itch in you. you remind me of that phrase “i might be a bad influence, but you can’t tell me i’m not fun.” it’s impossible to ever be bored around you.

scorpio risings have this thing where people are absolutely intimidated by you, yet are very attracted to you and just need your attention. the type of person that has random people flirting with you on the streets just so you’ll make eye contact with them for one second longer. you also look lowkey terrifying, you just have massive resting bitch faces and always look pissed off when on the inside you’re just thinking “hm, what am i going to eat for lunch?” very intense gaze and look straight out of greek-mythology, you persephone ass bitch.

libra risings look so well put together. every color on you works in perfect harmony with one another – from your clothing to your hair to your skin tone to your makeup. you’re always sporting a smile and you look so composed, but baby i know you’re close to comitting sporadic murder LMFAO no one can convince me that libra placements are the exact contrary from peaceful, you’re the most unstable people in the world, in the best and most fun way possible – and sometimes in a downright toxic way, ease with the passive-aggressiveness and confrontational nature when it comes to personal relationships.

aquarius risings have the biggest crackhead energy ever. you’re very intimidating at first, and it’s easy to misunderstand you because of that – many think you’re serious and stuck up but you’re just observing and waiting to feel comfortable around them. when you do get comfortable, you’re just funny as fuck – you’ll talk about the most random things and make them sound so interesting, you say the most hilarious things; honestly, you’re a walking meme. also you look like you disassociate so much? you’ll be in the middle of a conversation and then you’ll just start staring into the distance for fifteen whole minutes, but the whole time you were actually listening to the other person.

leo risings i just.. love you. it’s like you’re born to be the center of attention without even trying. literally so expressive and charismatic even if you’re very shy at first, great storytellers, and you’re just so loyal and the amount of support you give to your friends is unmatched. you do very well in a tight friend group where there’s so much trust and supportive energy. if you don’t have one, you probably fantasize a lot about it. how’s that winx obsession going? literally so authentic and raw in everything you do too. people call you egotistical and self-centered because they can’t stand a headstrong person like you. please don’t take insults so much to heart and let them shatter your perception of yourself, and understand that if someone mocks your appearance they’re just projecting their insecurities.

virgo risings you refuse to leave the house if you’re not absolutely perfect. i know someone with a virgo rising who simply refuses to do video-calls before taking a shower and drying their hair. VERY intimidating, will give judgemental stares and look at you in the streets like you’re the ugliest thing in the world but will probably not even realize they were staring at someone in the first place. i have so much fun teasing you, you get annoyed SO fast and it’s so fun because i practically have a degree in being annoying. you also find it shocking when someone teases you because most people are too scared to do it. you’re the most fun to talk shit with because you can be so critical and you just love some drama and gossiping. please stop complaining about things though or i’ll be forced to commit a hate-crime. your luck that i can’t help loving you.

sagittarius risings give sagittarius energy the stereotype of being so freedom-loving and adventurous. you’re very approachable and easy-going, the type of person that people will meet once and already consider you their friends. you’re up to whenever wherever, no matter how dumb the idea might sound, because you know first-hand that the weirdest, most last-minute plans make the greatest memories. i also notice that you’ll use going out as a way of avoiding your feelings. instead of allowing yourself to process your sadness and heartbreak, you just call your friends and go out so you won’t have to sit with your own, scary thoughts.

pisces risings look like they they breathe and create art with every breath they take. literally ooze emotional and artistic sensitivity. very sensitive to others’ energies and that can really take a toll on your mental health – being surrounded by negative people will literally drain you. please remember to take some me-time to recharge and process all those emotions. pisces risings literally look so ethereal, out of this world, with your sparkly eyes when you talk about your dreams and your strong sense of individuality cultivated in all your appearance, from your clothing to your makeup to you hair.

capricorn risings go through so much in their life and for what?? i swear you have so many hardships always coming your way and it angers me so much because you don’t deserve it at all. at least you always learn a lot from those experiences, which just makes you stronger and more undefeatable. you have a very melancholic gaze to you. very doll-like. naturally command authority and respect. unlike taurus risings, you thrive in situations of change – you practically seek them, knowing that learning to adapt to all situations and to work with them so they work in your favor is a gift. you turn so many heads in the street, i’m always in awe at your beauty.

it’s no wonder that the most beautiful celebrities constantly have taurus risings. you’re very strong and fixed in your ideas, making people often describe you as the taurus stereotype of “stubborn”. taurus placements just have so much difficulty accepting change and seeing it as an opportunity of growth instead of a painful process. you need to learn to let go and that good things might happen when you allow yourself to evolve and and outgrow your old self. you have a very grounded presence, while also having such a distinct sense of humour. very well-put together.

[soupbabe]

Since requests are open, could you write a transmasc chubby reader x la squadra. Like, Reader is insecure about how they look and sometimes feel less masculine because of how they look.

Off Day (La Squadra + Insecure! Transmasc! Chubby! Reader)

Reader won't leave his room and his teammates grow concerned

I apologize heavily for the Formaggio and Melone favoritism 😔

Warning: Reader experiences dysphoria, internalized fatphobia (?), definitely not proofread

You hated days like this.

The days where you felt discomfort at the person looking back at you, the days where the binder just doesn't supress your chest like it should. No matter what you did and what you wore, your extra weight only accentuated the least masculine aspects of you. The best you could think to do was to stay in bed, no need to worry about how your perceived if no one sees you.

Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to stay in your cocoon of blankets and have a day to yourself. Besides, Risotto was always generous with sick days.

Amidst your sulking, your team gradually became concerned about you. Mixed talks between Sorbet and Gelato and Pesci's worried ramblings could be heard around the common room. Formaggio groaned as the mild conversation went on, "Why can't someone just knock on his door and check on him if this is such an issue? He might be getting extra shut eye anyways." Risotto sipped his tea and have a shrug. "Okay. Do it then, Formaggio."

Said man made his way to your room and tried to turn the handle, only to find that it was uncharacteristically locked. Formaggio knocked on the door and called out to you, "Hey Y/n! Everything alright in there? It's just me!" A simple "Go away" was all he got in response and it made your colleague click his tongue and shrink himself to fit through the crack of your door.

"No can do, sweetheart." The voice of the now regular-sized-Formaggio could be heard next to you, causing you to stiffen and instinctively swing your arm at his throat. Formaggio ducked and let out a laugh, "Woah there, Y/n! The team's just worried about you and you know how stubborn they are. Pesci wouldn't stop bitching if I just said that you blew me off." You sat up and huddled your blankets closer to you. "It's nothing. I just don't feel good."

Formaggio scooted closer and brought you in a one armed hug, his tone a bit more serious. "You sure it's nothing? You can always talk to me, y'know." Formaggio gave a small smile and the sound of your opening could be heard. The door revealed Gelato with Sorbet, Pesci, and the rest of the team in toe. The couple gave a warm smile, "You were taking too long and we got nosey." Gelato carelessly admitted as the other assassins gathered.

"I wanted to have time by myself today, can you all just leave already?" If you weren't already bothered mood from yourself, the uninvited guests sure did. Risotto stood by the foot of your bed, "I'm sorry for intruding Y/n, but please understand where we come from. As the leader of our team, my colleague's wellbeing is something to concern me and the rest of us." Prosciutto sat on the edge of the bed, "I understand you want to be alone, but not saying anything is going to do nothing to help. "

You shuffled under their gazes, some of them were of pity, while others held naturally tense jaws with soft eyes. "Everything just feels wrong today. Everything is just so uncomfortable nothing feels right with my body," you continued, though your voice lowered as you tried not to tear up. "Especially since I'm bigger...it's harder for me to actually be recognized as a man half the time, no matter how hard I try."

If you could bury yourself with your blankets, you would.

Melone found himself sitting in front of you, asking a quick "May I?" Before he unwrapped your blankets and he saw your flushed face. "You know you'll always be a man to us, right? I'd even argue that your body makes you look even more masculine too," He slowly caressed his hand up your arm, giving you time to swat away if need be, but you never did. He gave the chubby arm a light squeeze, "Every good man has some good muscle underneath, just like you Y/n. I've seen my fair share of chubbier men who are just as masculine as you."

Pesci nodded and gave a smile, "Yeah! I promise you you're like one of the manliest on our team!" Illuso nodded, "Granted, it's not saying much, but you do give Prosciutto a run for his money." The small, but odd sentiment made a smile creep onto your lips. It wasn't until Gelato looked over at Ghiaccio watching the moment and nudged him too, "I have to agree. You have nothing to concern yourself with, Y/n. If anyone disagrees, they're just like any other ignorant asshole around here.." Sorbet nodded, "You still have us at the end of the day."

You melted into the hold Formaggio still had on you and Melone took it as an invitation to get close to you on your other side. "Thank you all..no words can describe how much you mean to me." Risotto smiled, "Of course, you're just as important to us as we are important to you. If you'd like, we can leave you by yourself again."

You shooked your head, "I'm fine for now, you all are free to stay if you want. I'm sure we can find a DVD to put in."